#god I NEED him. Dan ur so fucking lucky

[godmademewithoutarms]

Rewatching the one second clip of Phil tearing open a plastic package with his teeth on loop. I don't have a problem

[jupiter-pls]

(look, im sorry idk if read more is still a thing/on the app but i can't see it im hoping tumblr does that auto read more thing if not IM SORRY! i just need things written out for my brain sometimes)

ya girl had a cheeky weekend in amsterdam to have just one good night...and afternoon 🖤🧡🖤 it's been the. best. and i spent it with some wonderful people who im missing so, so much 💖 (there's a group photo of my pals when i had gone on to m&g round 2 with them holding up my art that makes me SOB! 😭 goodest of eggs!) and ill remember it all for a long, long time. got to give dan the new piece after telling/showing him the piece from back at the start of tour needed a companion piece & the reasoning behind it. he was so SO sweet and said how he loves my style, especially with the circles always being used (😭😭😭) and then pointed out the photo backdrop with the eclipse on 🥺 yes 🥺 love a weird wonky dan heart too 🥰 i was a bit annoyed with myself cause i felt/heard myself fully tripping over my words and ugh but! it was really really lovely...

m&g no.2 however! 💖💖💖💖 (look, i panic brought a resale ticket cause i was so nervous about the matinée getting canceled in the wake of the promoters bullshit on this tour and knew i would be beyond heartbroken if it had happened) god, that felt so so special and im going to remember it forever 😭 i got so many laughs out of him and SO MANY HUGS idk what was going on there i guess being able to actually get my words out was the cause? (just lots of thankful words for the tour, meaning i could meet my wonderful friends, the show being something so special & important and that he BELONGS on a stage that is is home!) id been talking myself in & out of taking minnie ears for a photo for WEEKS, would i be ~brave enough to ask for a photo in them? no i couldn't it's too scary! but i found the perf wad aesthetic ones for him and dlp is my favourite place in the world, this was actually important to me! (see me fully not being alright when he got that fleece thing from anaheim disneyland...if u got to meet him in that ur on my list 😭) after a moment from him of "um...what are those?!" and telling him look, it's important! we got a bunch of photos with him declaring "ok these are cute, oh my god we're so cute!" yes! ears are silly & over the top but they are fun! and cute! and make u feel like a kid! told him he probs has no use for them but he can keep them if he'd like (the orange ones...not my prince charming carousel ones!) and he was all 🥺 that's such a sweet gift thank you 🥺 (also this is all backwards, we did the ears photos before everything else). i mentioned while i was so excited for the show again, it was bittersweet as it was my last one and i love that he responded with his whole damn chest that i better make sure i make it to the next tour then...that boy is never going to stop doing shows and i love that for him SO SO MUCH LIVE UR FUCKING DREAM! 😭😭😭

i had a whole lot of feelings during that last show, "embrace the void/one good night" really getting to me after getting that most recent sketch done & all the feelings that went into that and my decision to do it...it's all so much.

ALSO! getting to meet & spend time with some really, really special people ive gotten to know in this fandom and them being what made the weekend so incredibly special 💜 saying goodbye to those folks was hard but they all give the nicest hugs. i really hope i can see them all again in the not too distant future, thank you for making this trip all it was 🥰

tl;dr dan is the best boy in the world and deserves ALL the good things in the universe & i have some incredible people im lucky enough to call my friends 🪐

[amerrierworld]

Curtain. (i)

Carol (2015) fanfiction 

Summary: An on-and-off job as photographer can only pay so much, so Therese Belivet has taken a job at an elementary school's art program to help pay the bills. One of her last jobs before the school year begins is photographing a preview night of a successful play where she meets the well-known artistic director of the show, Carol Ross. She forgets about their meeting until September rolls around and she starts teaching an inquisitive young six-year old by the name of Rindy.

Characters: Carol x Therese

Word Count: 1,491

Warnings: none yet!

June.

Therese was staring intensely at her laptop, watching as all the little photo icons from her camera began transferring over to her drive. Rain tapped gently against her windows and a can of Coke sat on her desk, half-empty. She had shut all the windows to avoid any light or outdoor distractions as she tended to daydream while looking out in the distance, but this time Therese was determined to get this job finished.

As she waited for the files to continue transferring, the brunette arched her back, yawning as her body creaked and popped from sitting for so long.

It had been three days since her lucky photography gig at the Hudson Theatre. Thinking about it still made her limbs jittery. It was a smaller theatre, but being the oldest theatre in the city and having hosted many successful shows, it was still a landmark. Therese had been overjoyed at the prospect of working inside the theatre for once and seeing all the ins and outs of the show she had been asked to document.

Her phone pinged from where she had haphazardly tossed it on her bed. She stood up and shuffled over, stretching again and giving her legs a shake as she opened a message from Dannie.

preview done. again.

how was it?

tbh a little messier than when u were there, richard kept missing his mark

of course he did.

yeah ross wasn't too pleased with him...

At the mention of the director's name, Therese's stomach lurched a bit, though she couldn't tell why. They had only exchanged a few words during the preview when she'd been there.

...anyways, manager wants to know how ur doing with those photos

workin on em right now actually

tsk that's too bad

why? did she need them now? i thought i had until next week

nah i was just gonna ask if u wanted to get some food and then get plastered w me and phil

Therese snorted and looked back at her laptop, which lit up, indicating all the files had been successfully imported. Temporarily forgetting about her conversation she hurried to glance through them, immediately noticing the faulty pics that she knew she wouldn't be able to use.

Her phone rang and she picked up.

"Is that a no?" Dannie asked from the other end. Therese rolled her eyes.

"Dannie, not responding in 30 seconds does not automatically mean no. But yeah, I don't know if getting drunk right now is such a good idea, I have a lot to go through. Plus, don't you have to work tomorrow?"

"Preview isn't until the afternoon, Belivet. I have all morning to sober up."

Sighing, Therese flicked through a few photos, stilling as she found one of the director whose back was to the camera as she directed Gen, the lead actress, who stood off to the far side of the stage.

"Therese?"

"Hm? Yeah, for sure. I'll come for food, but I'm going home afterwards, I really don't want to be hungover. I've had three cans of Coke already, alcohol and caffeine don't mix well for me."

"Alright, sounds good."

"When do you wanna head out?"

"...now?"

At that, the intercom buzzed at Therese's front door, indicating someone was in front of the apartment building.

"Jesus, Dannie, really?"

"I know you're always hungry, Therese. Plus, getting off the subway from work at your place is so much closer than mine. Forgive me?"

"Ugh fine, give me 20 minutes to get ready though. I don't care if you're stuck in the rain outside. That's what happens when you constantly drag me out for last minute plans."

"Yeah, yeah, Belivet, just hurry your ass up. We're not going anywhere fancy cause God knows I don't get paid enough to afford anything like that."

"Is Richard coming?" Therese asked, brow furrowing in a split second of worry.

"Him? Nah. I actually think he somehow managed to lure Gen into a date tonight. I saw them talking after the show."

"Oof, poor girl."

"Yeah, maybe I should warn her, y'know. Get her out while she still can."

"Terrible idea, McElroy. You know how actresses are with stage hands."

Dannie barked out a laugh. "Shut the fuck up, Belivet. You're one to talk, considering you were ogling the director the entire night."

"I was not."

"Yeah you were. Now get going, or I'm gonna melt in this downpour."

Therese smiled and ended the call, closing her laptop and hurrying to put on some decent clothes before meeting Dannie outside.

-

"C'mon Terry, not even one shot? As a celebratory drink for this job and the next."

"No, Phil," Therese laughed. "I already told Dannie, I have work to do later."

"Alright, suit yourself, but that means I'm gonna drink extra just to make up for you!"

After having grabbed a bite at a cheap Thai restaurant, the McElroy brothers had dragged Therese to their usual bar even though she was still determined to stay sober.

"Do you even know how to deal with kids, Therese? Elementary school can be vicious, y'know," Dannie said, sipping his beer as he ignored Phil stumbling from his seat to order another drink.

"It's only part-time, Dan," Therese shrugged. "Plus, what kid doesn't like art? If one of them throws a temper, I'll just let him go ham on a canvas with some paint, no big deal. It's therapeutic that way."

"How'd you manage to get a job there anyway?"

"Well, their usual art teacher had to take a break for a year 'cause of an injury, so I'm just filling in for the younger grades. They were desperate for more staff for their programs."

"Jeez, is that allowed? You've barely worked with kids until now."

"I dunno. I did a full police check and stuff, besides I'm not hired for the school, just the programs afterwards so I'm not technically a teacher. But it's a small school with a shit ton of younger kids that often need an after-school program. Chances are they won't even need me in the New Year if the other teacher comes back."

"So they just really need extra hands on deck?" Dannie concluded and Therese nodded. Phil came staggering back with a glass of water, grouchy and mumbling something about the bartender not letting him have another.

"Yeah. What about you though? What's happening after Woolf?"

Danni sighed and slumped back in his seat. "Who knows at this point? Ross is taking a break too, from being artistic director-,"

"Wait, really? She's not retiring is she?"

Dannie smirked at Therese but ignored her sudden eagerness in the conversation.

"Nah, just something about needing to be home with her family. She's worked her butt off for the theatre more than anyone, so it makes sense she wants a break for a little while after this show's done. But she'll probably be back in no time, cause she's like that. In the mean time, Gerhard is taking over. I don't know what she has up her sleeve yet, but I'm thinking a typical Christmas show is coming up."

"Any idea what it might be?"

"Nope. Everyone's talking and wanting to do A Christmas Carol but it's been so overdone, and Abby's always doing unexpected things."

"Damn, I wonder what it could be," Therese chewed her lip in thought.

"You sure you're not just upset at the idea of Ross not working there anymore?" Dannie teased. Therese smacked his arm.

"Dannie," she scolded.

"What! Even a blind person could see she's literal eye candy, though she can be a tough boss. I'm not blaming you for liking her, but I am telling you that she's not as sweet as she looks."

"Hmph, whatever. She's probably got someone anyways, if she's taking a break with family."

"I dunno, Belivet, I've never noticed a wedding ring." He winked at her.

"God, you're the worst y'know?" Therese sighed, though her eyes were twinkling. "I never should have come out to you when all you do is tease me about every girl who I just happen to find kinda cute."

Dannie grinned. "That's what you get for being besties with the McElroys, Belivet. Besides, since Phil doesn't like girls, who am I supposed to go to when I get lady problems?"

Therese shook her head and chuckled before checking her watch.

"Damn, it's getting late. Alright boys, I'm going home. I really need to work on those photos. Don't drink yourselves to death, please?"

"Wouldn't dream of it, Belivet!"

She grabbed her purse before going to hail a cab as Phil and Dannie waved goodbye, her mind whirling with thoughts of the intriguing blonde director. Therese wondered who she was, besides the 'literal eye candy' that she'd managed to capture on camera. Sighing, Therese shook her from her mind during the brief cab ride home, deciding it was best to leave her daydreaming behind for the rest of the night.

A/N: heh... hi. here's my take on carol/therese because i can’t get enough of them honestly. Let me know what you think; this’ll be a pretty packed series so enjoy :3 

I’ve also been posting my stuff on AO3 if any of you use that as well so you can find this and my other stories there too! <3 

[doomedhowell]

It’s All Fun And Games (Until You Get Blackmailed)

Summary: Dan and Phil are in a relationship, but everybody at school thinks they hate each other. In order to have a fun date night, Dan and Phil travel out of town so nobody recognizes them. They think they’re safe, but are they?

Genre: AU

Word Count: 3,385

Trigger Warnings: swearing (from both Dan and Phil)

A/N: Thank you so much @waitforiiiiiiiiiiiit for being kind enough to beta this! :D

“Hi Dan!”

“Hey,” Dan smiles at the group of girls, chuckling to himself when they all squeal with excitement. Honestly, Dan thinks it’s hilarious that he can speak just one single word to the girls around this school, and they all lose their minds. Dan will never date any of them of course, but why not have a little fun?

Dan gasps as soon as he bumps into someone. “Shit-!” He looks up and his eyes widen slightly when he sees that it’s none other than Phil Lester. Dan glares at him. “Watch where you’re fucking going, Lester…”

Phil chuckles. “Easy, tiger. Might want to watch that language of yours,” he says.

“Fuck off,” Dan snaps. “Are you always a dick? I’m just curious.”

“That’s funny, Howell. Are you always a slut?” Phil retorts quickly, surprising Dan by his choice of words. They’ve always bickered with each other during school, but Phil has never gone that far. “I’m just curious. Next time, why don’t you watch where you’re fucking going?” He smirks, and then he turns around and walks away without saying another word to Dan, leaving Dan speechless.

Dan takes a deep breath as he stands there, ignoring the stares that he’s getting from the other students. He quickly continues on his way, heading straight to his locker so he can get to class.

“Howell!”

Dan stops what he’s doing and looks over, seeing one of his soccer teammates run up to him. “Yeah?”

“You coming to the party this weekend?”

“Party?” Dan asks, raising his eyebrows at Alex. “What party?”

“Adam is throwing a party on Saturday, and everybody’s invited. You coming?”

“Dude, the coach is going to fucking kill us if he finds out we were all at a party on Saturday. We’ve got a game after school on Monday,” Dan says, shutting his locker.

“Since when did you start caring about what the coach says?” Alex asks, raising his eyebrows.

“I don’t. I just don’t want to get kicked off the team for doing something stupid,” Dan sighs. “Look, I can’t. But, maybe next time. I’ve got plans this weekend.”

“Whatever, dude, wanna skip class? I could really use a smoke right now.”

Dan bites his lip, debating on whether or not he should skip. “Well, we’re only watching a movie today. So, hell yeah. Let’s skip. Let me put my books away first,” he says, re-opening his locker.

“Wait a minute… you were actually going to go to class?” Alex laughs.

“Shut up,” Dan reaches over and pushes him playfully, and then puts his books back into his locker.

While Dan is hanging outside behind a building with Alex, smoking, he receives a text.

“Someone’s popular,” Alex jokes when Dan’s phone dings.

Dan rolls his eyes and pulls his phone out. He looks down and bites his lip nervously when he sees that he’s got a text from Phil. He’s still upset about Phil calling him a slut earlier.

What most people don’t know is that Dan and Phil are actually dating. They have been for nine months, nobody knows because they decided to keep it a secret to protect their school reputations.

Dan and Phil are the bad boys of the school. In reality, they are quite similar to each other, but people think that they hate each other. They’re constantly trying to one-up each other and trying to impress the other students and even some of the teachers. Whether it be with the clothes they wear, skipping classes, or seeing who can make the other jealous by flirting with other students. That’s how it’s always been between the two of them, and they wanted it to keep it that way. For now, anyways.

Dan opens the text, and sighs when he sees that it’s an apology from Phil.

From Phil: i’m sorry baby, i didn’t mean to call you a slut earlier. i took it too far. i hope you’re not mad at me

From Dan: ur lucky i love u, come over after school?

From Phil: i’ll be there love u

Dan smiles as he reads the texts. He’s glad Phil apologized, otherwise it would have bothered Dan.

“Who the hell are you texting that’s got you giggling like a little girl over there?”

Dan jumps and looks over at Alex, sighing. “Christ, Al. Are you trying to give me a heart attack?”

Alex smirks, proud of himself. “Maybe. Are you going to answer my question or not?”

Dan sighs. “I was not giggling like a little girl. I’m sorry. I didn’t know it was a crime to smile these days,”

“Well, it’s not. But, seeing you be all smiley and shit because of someone texting you is something that you don’t really see very often. So, are you going to spill the beans on who this person is?” Alex asks.

“It was just my mom,” Dan lies quickly. “It’s about something we have planned this weekend. I’m excited.”

“Hm,” Alex says before sticking his cigarette back into his mouth.

Dan sighs and leans back against the building, wishing this school day would just be over now.

After school, Dan says goodbye to his friends before getting into his car and heading home to see Phil.

Phil is already waiting for him on his porch when Dan gets home.

“Hey,” Dan smiles as he walks up onto the porch, and is immediately engulfed into a hug. “Phil!”

“God, I’m so fucking sorry Dan. I know I already sent you a text but I need to apologize again. I shouldn’t have said that earlier and I wish I could take it back. I don’t think you’re a slut,” Phil rambles.

“Phil,” Dan laughs and then he pulls away from the hug. “It’s okay. I’m not mad. I promise I’m not mad.”

“I’m just worried someone heard me say that and they’re going to make it worse,” Phil mumbles.

“Whatever. If it happens, then I’ll deal with it. I’m not worried,” Dan says. He reaches up and kisses Phil. “Come on, let’s go inside.” He grabs Phil’s hand and leads the way inside. “I’m home!” He shouts loudly, before running up the stairs with Phil to his bedroom. He quickly shuts the door, and then he turns around and kisses roughly Phil. “You owe me for what you said earlier.”

“You said you weren’t mad at me,” Phil pouts.

“I’m not mad at you. I promise I’m not. But, you still owe me,” Dan smirks.

“And, what would you like from me?” Phil asks, raising his eyebrows.

“You know exactly what I want-” Dan grabs Phil and leads him over to the bed.

Later on, Dan and Phil decide they want to do something outside of the house instead of the normal ‘making popcorn and try to find a movie on Netflix to watch’ which usually ends with them giving up.

It’s risky, but they decide to go somewhere where hopefully no one from school will recognize them.

Dan and Phil decide on going to an arcade that’s about an hour away from where they live. Unfortunately, they only have a couple of hours to spend with each other due to their curfew set by their parents, so they’re taking advantage of every second they have.

“I hope you’re ready to lose at air hockey,” Phil smirks as he looks at Dan as they walk through arcade.

“Bitch, yeah right-” Dan rolls his eyes. “I kick your ass every time we play air hockey. Today’s no different!”

Phil laughs, knowing how competitive Dan is. Dan hates losing no matter what the competition is; whether it’s playing games at the arcade or simply playing Mario Kart, and does whatever he can to prev Phil from not winning. Phil doesn’t even care if he loses. He just finds Dan’s competitiveness so entertaining.

“Wanna make this more interesting?” Dan asks as he and Phil stand at the air hockey table.

“Go on?” Phil raises his eyebrows as he looks up at Dan curiously.

“Okay, it’s not that interesting. But, how about a challenge? Loser buys dinner,” Dan grins.

Phil laughs. “Okay, you’re so on, buddy,” he says, grabbing a hockey puck and placing it in the middle.

Much to Dan’s surprise, Phil ends up winning air hockey overall.

“What the hell?” Dan throws his arms up angrily after the game is over. “You cheated!”

“Whatever. You’re pissed that I won and now you have to pay for dinner. So, what are you buying me?”

“Ugh, you’re so annoying. I can’t believe I put up with you-” Dan mumbles, shoving Phil away.

“Aw, come on, baby-” Phil quickly pulls Dan back to him and he quickly wraps his arms around Dan, which gives Dan no room to escape. Dan can’t help but allow himself to melt into Phil’s arms. Phil smiles, and leans down to kiss Dan gently a few times.

“You’re lucky I love you so much that I don’t actually mind buying dinner for you.”

“But the fact that you lost?” Phil asks, raising his eyebrows.

“Oh, I’m furious,” Dan laughs, escaping from Phil’s hold. “Come on, we gotta go find somewhere to eat.”

Dan and Phil end up having an amazing date night together, despite Dan losing at air hockey, but Dan honestly just loves being able to spend time with Phil without worrying about one of their classmates seeing them together. It’s rare when they get to act like this in public.

However, the fun doesn’t last very long.

It’s the next morning when Dan wakes up to a horrifying anonymous text, which consists of a picture of him and Phil kissing at the arcade last night. Dan has no idea who took this picture or sent the text.

The picture also comes with a text: I knew there was something going on with you two, and now I have proof. Meet me after school tomorrow and we’ll talk. Say anything to anyone, especially Lester, and I won’t hesitate leaking the picture.

Dan closes his eyes when he finishes reading the text.

“Fuck!” Dan cries before burying his face in his hands, unable to stop the tears from pouring out.

The worst part is, he can’t even tell Phil about this, otherwise the picture will be leaked. Dan doesn’t even know who this person is. It could be anyone. Someone he knows personally, or a stranger. Dan’s terrified.

Dan tries his best acting normal the next day at school, but it’s obvious that he’s distracted and jumpy. Dan’s been avoiding Phil all morning which isn’t that weird to the other students in school considering they all think Dan and Phil hate each other. But Dan can tell that Phil’s getting annoyed with him, as Dan’s not answering any of his text messages, so Phil knows that something is wrong.

From Phil: love u baby, did I do something wrong? pls answer asap i’m worried about u … are u still coming over tonight?

Dan groans and closes his eyes after he reads Phil’s latest text messages, making him feel even more terrible about ignoring him. Dan feels terrible about this whole thing, but he can’t risk talking to Phil because the pictures will be leaked and that’s not how Dan wants his and Phil’s relationship to be known.

“Something got you feeling down, Howell?”

Dan’s head instantly snaps up at the familiar voice. He looks over and his eyes widen when he sees Alex walking into view. He’s been waiting outside of school for about ten minutes for the anonymous texter.

“A-Alex?” Dan asks, taking a deep breath. “Y-You were the one who texted me last night?”

“That’s right,” Alex replies with a smirk, before he walks over to him. “I’m honestly surprised that you didn’t figure it out right away it was me when I told you to come meet me at this exact spot. I mean, we always meet here when we skip. You’re cute, Dan, but you aren’t very bright, are you?”

“Hey, shut up! A lot of people meet here,” Dan quickly defends himself. “Alright, Alex. I haven’t told Phil, in fact, I’ve been completely avoiding him all day, so talk. How did you get that picture of me and Phil?”

“I was visiting a friend last night in that area and we were at the arcade,” Alex tells him.

Dan silently curses. “I thought we were safe,”

“Guess not. I knew you were gay. But, really… Phil Lester?” Alex asks.

“What’s wrong with Phil?” Dan asks, ready to defend his boyfriend.

“Nothing’s wrong with him. I’m just surprised you chose him. You could have anyone you want. Like... me,”

Dan frowns, and looks up at Alex. “What are you trying to say here, Alex?” He asks nervously.

“Dammit, I’m in love with you, Dan!” Alex yells, making Dan jump. “Shit, we’ve been friends for years, and I’ve had a crush on you since we met, but you’ve been completely oblivious this whole time.”

“Alex,” Dan whispers with shock, and then he shakes his head. “You should have said something, Al!”

“Yeah, and what the hell was I supposed to say?” Alex asks. “I didn’t know you were gay back then. I was just figuring out that I was gay and I was worried that I would lose you as a friend.”

“I would have never judged you for being gay. I don’t judge you for being gay now,” Dan says. “So, what? What are we doing here? You’re not going to tell anyone about our relationship, are you?”

“I’m not going to tell anyone,” Alex shakes his head.

Dan sighs in relief. “Thank God. I knew you wouldn’t actually tell anyone,” he smiles.

“Not unless I get what I want,” Alex adds quickly.

Dan blinks a few times. “And, what is it exactly that you want?” He asks.

“You,” Alex says simply. “I thought I made it clear what I wanted?”

“What? No. I’m sorry, Al. But, I’m with Phil. I love him,” Dan says. “I thought I made that clear.”

“I know that, Dan. I’m not a fucking idiot,” Alex snaps before taking a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I-I just… fuck, I’ve always wanted to feel what it’s like to be with the Dan Howell.”

“So, you think blackmailing me is going to achieve that? You’re sick, Al. I thought you were my friend,”

“Well, I want you as more than a friend!” Alex yells, before grabbing Dan and kissing him harshly.

Dan’s eyes widen with shock, and then he quickly pushes Alex away before the kiss goes further. “Enough!” He cries as he takes deep breaths. “I’m really sorry, Alex. I’m sorry that it has to end this way but we can’t be together. The only person I want to be with right now is Phil and nothing will change that, so I don’t care if you post that picture. I really hope you decide to do the right thing because no one should be outed that way. But do what you have to do, I guess. I-I have to go,” Dan shakes his head, and then he runs away from Alex as fast as his feet can possibly take him.

Dan gasps when he bumps into someone.

“Dan?”

Dan looks up and his eyes widen when he sees that it’s Phil who he’s run into.

“Baby, what’s wrong?”

Dan doesn’t realize he’s crying until Phil wipes away his tears.

Dan sobs and falls into Phil’s arms. “I’m sorry, Phil! It’s my fault! I should have been more careful…”

Phil frowns as Dan rambles on, though he still keeps the smaller boy close to his chest. “Dan, what…?” He bites his lip, and then he pulls away from Dan. “Come on, let’s go sit in the car and calm down.”

Phil quickly leads Dan over to his car, and the two get in.

Phil looks over at Dan once they’re both settled into the car. “Dan, talk to me. What happened?”

Dan takes a deep breath before looking up at Phil. “I should have told you as soon as I got the text, but… I was too scared. I couldn’t risk it,” he says.

“What text are you talking about?” Phil asks softly.

“I got an anonymous text last night after I got home. It was a picture of me and you kissing at the arcade. They told me not to tell anyone until we talk because they would leak the picture otherwise, so I met up with the person after school just now,” Dan explains, hoping that Phil won’t be upset.

“Dan,” Phil’s eyes widen after Dan finishes. “Jesus Christ, Dan. I’ve been fucking worrying about you all damn day! I thought I did something wrong, or that you were going to break up with me.”

“No,” Dan shakes his head. “I-I just wanted to talk to this person first.”

“So, who sent you the text?” Phil asks curiously.

“Alex,” Dan mumbles. “Alex sent me the picture. He was going to blackmail me. He’s in love with me, Phil. He wanted me to be with him, not you.”

“That son of bitch!” Phil yells, clenching his fists angrily. “I’ll kill him. Did he do anything to you?”

“Phil, can we talk at home please?” Dan begs. “All I know is that there’s a chance Alex is going to leak that picture and the whole school will find out about us. I’m sorry. It’s my fault.”

“Dan, no-” Phil reaches over and grabs Dan’s hand. “It’s not your fault.”

“Yes, it is!” Dan snaps. “I’m the one who suggested that we go out of town for our date.”

“Dan, listen to me. We both thought it was safe. There’s absolutely no way that you or I could have known that Alex was going to be there on the same day as us. It is not your fault,” Phil warns softly.

Dan closes his eyes. “I just didn’t want our relationship to come out like this,” he whispers.

“I know, and I wish there was something I could do to change it,” Phil whispers before pulling Dan into a comforting hug. “We just have to wait and see what happens. That’s all I can say.”

Dan pulls away from the hug. “It’s all fun and games until your best friend decides to blackmail you,” he mumbles, shaking his head.

So when Dan walks into school on Friday morning, he expects to be hit with stares and whispers from the other students. But, he’s shocked when he walks in without a single look from anybody.

This is not what he expected. Did Alex not leak the picture of him and Phil together?

Maybe Alex actually did have a change of heart.

Dan nervously walks to his locker by himself. He and Phil decide not to walk into school together tomorrow in case a miracle happened. If Alex doesn’t end up posting the picture, then they still want to come out on their own terms. And, right now… they just aren’t ready to come out yet as a couple.

Dan opens his locker, his hands shaking slightly. He looks around. Still nothing.

Then, he surprisingly spots Alex down at the end of the hallway. Dan stares at him with wide eyes, and he can actually see the guilty look on Alex’s face. Alex gives him a small smile before turning around and walking away. This surprises Dan. Alex had been acting totally different yesterday, after admitting that he’d been in love with Dan this whole time. But now, it seems that he has had a change of heart.

Dan’s unsure of what this means for his and Alex’s friendship, but right now, he’s just happy and relieved that his and Phil’s relationship still remains a secret, and hopefully they’ll be able to come out soon.

Dan quickly pulls out his phone and then sends a text to Phil.

From Dan: I just saw Alex. I don’t think he posted the picture. I think we’re in the clear.

From Phil: that’s such a relief. keep me updated. love u have a good day baby

Dan can’t help but smile at Phil’s second message. He turns around and leans against his locker, and can’t help but sigh in relief. Maybe things will be okay after all.

[sad-boy-pete]

happy 12th anniversary

imma rate & review every single student  i can remember lets goooo

jimmy hopkins: kinda looks like this kid in my imedia class 9/10

pete kowalski: an angel. the light of my life. pure and good 9999999999/10

gary smith: i have never hated someone so fast 7/10

zoe taylor: amazing. perfect. flawless. we met her too late. 10/10

russell northrop: stopping violence with more violence 8/10

troy miller: he’s such a fucking dumbass 6/10

davis white: kinda fucked up but so is literally everyone. would not hug 4/10

tom gurney: a very troubled individual. absolutely would hug 7/10

wade martin: he’s so short?? compared to everyone else? its cute? 7/10

trent northwick: fucking weeaboo 7/10

ethan robinson: very obviously watches naruto too much. underrated. 7/10

derby harrington: i am this fucking close to knocking his teeth out 6/10

bif taylor: BIFCAAAAAAAAAAKE 8/10

tad spencer: hug this boy. love him. appreciate him. give him a sweater 8/10

gord vendome: his very obviously good fashion sense makes me sad 7/10

bryce montrose: very lovely boy, very lovely last name. hug him. 7/10

justin vandervelde: ugly ho 2/10

chad morris: i just wanna know why he has that bandage, man. 7/10

parker ogilvie: get a new last name jesus christ 6/10 

pinky gauthier: her voice hurts my ears 8/10

johnny vincent: he needs a glass of water and a nap 7/10

peanut romano: absolutely 100% valid. 8/10

norton williams: the most terrifying man on the planet 9/10

ricky pucino: if i have to listen to u talk about ur fucking ex one more time 6/10

vance medici: he makes me think of melting butter 7/10

hal esposito:  despacito quiero respirar tu cuello despacito deja que te d 7/10

lefty mancini: lmao hes short 6/10

lucky de luca: if he uses the word “broad” again i’ll bash his skull in 5/10

lola lombardi: her hair doesn’t make sense to me 6/10

earnest jones: lil bit creepy but probably tolerable 5/10

melvin o’connor: kinda endearing, like a confused puppy 7/10

algernon fuckoffimnotwritingthat:  are you going to finish that croissant 8/10

thad carlson: yeah he sure is 4/10

donald anderson:

bucky pasteur: cursed being 3/10

cornelius johnson: id probably die for him ngl 8/10

fatty johnson: like he smells terrible but he looks VERY huggable 6/10

beatrice trudeau: im sorry i cant take your seriously anymore 8/10

ted thompson: reminds me of someone but i cant put my finger on it 6/10

damon west: no comment 5/10

casey harris: please go away i dont wanna do that for you 6/10

luis luna: one of the most underrated kids in the school 8/10

kirby olsen: god he’s so LOUD 8/10

dan wilson: i swear theres a kid at my school with the exact same name 3/10

bo jackson: what does he... actually do... 4/10

juri karamazov: slappable but trying his best 6/10

mandy wiles: i mean, shes a bitch, but shes cute so 8/10

christy martin: chaotic. gotta love her 7/10

angie ng: whats up with her last name? its kinda confusing 8/10

eunice pound: BEST GIRL  10/10

constantinos brakus: someone hug him, he needs it 8/10

ivan alexander: please someone make him brush his hair

gordon wakefield: kind of a twat 6/10

trevor moore: i forgot this guy’s name for 2 months 3/10

lance jackson: honestly? no clue. not a fucking clue. 2/10

ray hughs: hes a genuinely nice guy people need to be friends with him 8/10

sheldon thompson: hes a little shit but hurt him and feel my wrath 7/10

pedro de la hoya: fucking touch this kid and im going to steal your teeth 10/10

gloria jackson: fuck off im not picking those locks for $5 6/10

melody adams: secretly a bad person and i love her for it 8/10

karen johnson: let her play dodgeball!!!! 8/10

idc if i’ve spelt any names wrong im done now

[danfanciesphil]

Give Me A Try (New Chapter)

Gay Instagram Model/Bartender Phan AU Part 2 

(Part One)

Also up on Ao3!

The Habenero bar is closed on Sundays, thank God. 

The owner of the establishment is, surprisingly, a devout Catholic that believes in resting on the Sabbath. Dan is not all for this Catholic tradition (ignoring, for now, all the oppression and homophobia) because after Saturday night’s hell shifts, he’s usually in need of some recuperation. 

He wakes up at 2pm on Sunday afternoon on his sofa in a shirt that doesn’t belong to him. His phone is stuck to his cheek, and there are crisp crumbs in his hair. There’s a fug of stale, smoky, sweat in the air, like the smell of the soaked dancefloor of the bar at the end of each night. Belatedly, Dan realises that he’s fallen asleep in what he was wearing when he got back last night, meaning that he’s still soaked in alcohol. 

Grimacing at his own grossness, Dan hauls himself up from the sofa and staggers into the bathroom to shower. It’s only as he peers up at his reflection in the mirror above the sink that he remembers the shirt. At first, it confuses him, as it’s far too nice of a garment to be his. It’s clearly fitted, tailored probably, with a subtly cinched waist, and neat, complex stitching around the hem and sleeves. 

He peers closer at his reflection to read the little label on the pocket. 

Givenchy

Dan jumps backwards, hands held aloft as if he’s about to mark the thing with his grubby paws. He needs to get this thing off him right now, it’s far too expensive to be on his body. How had he let himself fall asleep in this last night? It’s probably all crumpled, he’ll have to get it dry cleaned-

His phone buzzes in his pocket, and he scrambles for it, heart pounding as he catches sight again of his snappily dressed reflection. It’s a text from Tyler, the last of several by the looks of things. He swipes to view them.

From: Tyler omg CANNOT believe what happened last night

From: Tyler can we get brunch today?? lots to discuss..

From: Tyler hellooo?? earth to dan?

From: Tyler did u die from overstimulation of the brain after giving ur all time celeb crush ur fREAKING NUMBER

From: Tyler message me when ur awake bitch x

The blood drains from Dan’s face as he reads through the messages, all of which confirm that the events of last night weren’t a dream, and that, yes, Phil Lester did saunter into the bar, flirt with him, and hand over his designer shirt so that Dan wouldn’t have to finish work in a soaked one. 

Not knowing how to respond to Tyler, Dan chooses to just ignore it for now. He places the phone down and begins carefully unbuttoning the shirt, fingers practically trembling when he thinks of how expensive it would be if he were to accidentally rip a button off. As his fingers open the lapels, his mind flashes up a helpful image of Phil doing the exact same in front of him last night, his methodical, pale fingers working to reveal his bare chest inch by inch, right in the middle of the god damn bar. 

Dan’s face flames, and he tries hard to think of something else. Once the shirt is off, he folds it as carefully as he can and places it on the counter beside the sink. He then shucks off his beer-soaked jeans, which do not get anywhere near the same treatment, and jumps into the shower. 

It’s only as the warm, comforting stream of water cascades over him that Dan’s frantic mind relaxes enough to slip back into the memory of the previous evening, and all that transpired. Phil Lester. Right there before him. 

The slow, flirtatious smile spreading across his broad, full lips. The familiar sweep of his jet black hair. The pulse of his glinting blue eyes in the swirl of coloured lights. 

‘I got distracted by the cute bartender, and forgot to order him another one...’

‘I could save you as cute bartender when you text me...’

Cute. Phil had called him cute. Twice.

The water seems scalding hot, suddenly. Dan’s body temperature rises by at least two degrees, he’s sure. He swallows down some saliva, and runs his hands through his wet curls. How on earth had any of this happened? Situations like this are so unlikely that they’re almost never heard of. 

He feels how he imagines Katie Holmes must have felt when Tom Cruise sidled up to her, all flirtatious smiles and pick-up lines, after she’d been staring at his poster for all her childhood, tacked onto her bedroom wall. 

Again, the thick, treacly gaze Phil cast across to him over the bar seeps into Dan’s mind. The memory of it covers Dan's whole body, as if it were pouring out of the shower head, slathering him in its intensity. The amount of time Dan has spent staring into those eyes on his phone screen is insurmountable, but having experienced them in real life, he now knows that he may as well not have bothered. Those eyes will haunt him for the rest of time. 

He feels the familiar scratch of arousal start to drag at his thighs, tingling at the tips of his fingers, so he turns the temperature down, trying to divert it. Now that he’s spoken with Phil, so recently, it would seem odd to jerk off to the thought of him. 

...Not that AmazingPhil is anything like a stranger in Dan’s mental storage of wanking material. 

It’s just as Dan is rinsing the shampoo out of his hair that he remembers the one, tiny hiccup in the exchange with his crush. Phil had stolen Dan’s phone to type in his number, and had seen that Dan had been stalking his Instagram. 

As he freezes, remembering this mortifying scene, the shampoo trickles down into Dan’s eyes, blinding him. 

“Fuck!” Dan shouts, loud enough that he’s sure the neighbours heard. 

*

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Tyler shovels a slice of avocado toast into his mouth. He chews a bit, noisily, then continues speaking with his mouth full. “I trawl the billions of nasty vintage shops in the Laines for a designer shirt, and you get one handed to you for free?! And by a dazzling, incredibly hot model? Hand over your fucking magic lamp, Dan. Some of us need it more than others.”

Dan watches with a slightly downturned mouth as Tyler talks around his mouthful of food. “Err, I think I was due some good luck, actually.”

Tyler looks like he’s about to argue, but then shuts his mouth, staring down at his plate in reluctant acceptance. “Yeah, okay, true. But still. Can I at least touch it?”

Dan shakes his head, drawing the bag containing the shirt closer to his side of the table. He’s taking it to the local dry cleaning company after this, as well as giving the staff there a long, terrifying warning that if they do so much as snag a stitch, there will be hell to pay. 

“No way,” Dan replies. “You’ll nick the thing if I let you too close to it.” 

Tyler sighs. “You know me too well.” He bites his lip, staring longingly at the bag, and sighs again. “So, when is Mister Delavigne retrieving his garment?” 

Dan shrugs, poking at the poached egg on his plate with a fork. He has no idea why he ordered this, he doesn’t really eat eggs. But brunch is such a specific meal, he feels like he needs to order something aesthetically ‘brunch-like’. 

“Wait, you mean you haven’t set up a time to give it back to him yet?” Tyler asks, horrified. 

“It hasn’t even been a day,” Dan says. “Besides, he said he might stop in on Thursday for Bingo-”

“No no no!” Tyler cries, sounding scandalised. “Dan, are you this clueless? The man gave you his number!” 

Dan’s cheeks heat, remembering the incident that occurred during this scenario. “Yeah, to text him about getting the shirt back.”

Tyler rolls his eyes. “No, you nonce, the shirt is irrelevant! It’s an excuse for you to get in touch with him.” 

This time, Dan rolls his eyes. “Don’t be stupid. It’s a fucking designer shirt, he just wants to make sure he’ll get it back.” 

“He was flirting with you!” 

“He’s a flirty guy. Trust me, I know everything about him. I’m like... a big fan.” 

A sigh of pity gusts across the table towards him. Tyler places a hand atop his, and leans forwards. “Dan, listen to me. Text that hunk of delicious, geek-chic muscle, and watch how he responds. I guarantee he will try and flirt more.” 

“I guarantee he will just say he wants his shirt back.” 

Tyler smirks. “You’re on, dumbo.” 

*

It takes Dan two and a half beers to summon the courage to text Phil. He spends Sunday evening scrolling through the photos on the AmazingPhil Instagram page, studying each one in great detail so that he can remember each minute feature of Phil’s perfect, Adonis-like face. 

He’s had the text message screen up for some time, the word ‘Phil’ at the top where he’d saved his number, as if he were just any ‘Phil’, rather than the Amazing Phil that has haunted Dan’s daydreams ever since he first stumbled on a photo of him years prior. 

For maybe the sixth time that night, Dan types out a potential message. 

From: Dan To: Phil Hey, this is Dan from Habeneros bar. I have your shirt. Would you like me to  send it back to you?

He doesn’t send it yet. Instead, he copies the message, and pastes it into his chat with Tyler. The response is practically instantaneous. Dan wonders, not for the first time, if Tyler actually has any semblance of a life outside of the bar. 

From: Tyler To: Dan wtf is that shit????

From: Tyler To: Dan r u trying to turn him off

From: Dan To: Tyler ?? what do u mean

From: Tyler To: Dan u sound like a bot

From: Dan To: Tyler im being polite!!!

From: Tyler To: Dan polite is not going to get you in his pants

Instantly, Dan’s cheeks catch aflame, and he feels his heart squeeze. Even the idea of such a thing is too much for Dan’s poor, wrung out brain to comprehend. He could never, in a billion years, be that lucky. After last night, where one of the most absurd of his sexual fantasies came true - Phil stripping off in front of him in public - he’s sure his luck has run dry. 

From: Dan To: Tyler shut up. tell me what to say then

From: Tyler To: Dan ‘hey sexy, still shirtless? i live nearby if u want some help with that...’

Dan splutters and chokes on his beer. 

From: Dan To: Tyler NO!!

From: Tyler To: Dan fine fine. prude. how about...

Teeth gritted as he wills his heart rate to settle back into a reasonable rhythm, Dan waits for Tyler’s next message. His fingernails tap on the edge of his beer bottle. Trit, trit, trit. 

From: Tyler To: Dan ‘hey! not sure if u remember me but u heroically clothed me in ur Givenchy at a bar on Sat. the lanky bartender covered in blue sugary liquid? i know, i know, super hot.  anyway :’) i have your shirt. you  should swing by the bar again! or i  can send it back. up to you dude!  but bingo nights are off the fuckin chain js. let me know :) x’

Dan reads the message through, only cringing slightly. Honestly, he was sure it would be way worse. It’s actually kind of funny, and weirdly sounds like him. Tyler has clearly been subjected to Dan’s lame sense of humour for far too long. 

Without thinking, Dan drains the rest of his beer, copies the message Tyler gave him, and pastes it into the text box he’s opened with Phil. He presses send before his alcohol laced mind can catch up, wanting to be rid of this conundrum. 

From: Dan To: Tyler ok, sent it. 

From: Tyler To: Dan omg what :O

From: Tyler To: Dan did you really?? :’’’D

From: Tyler To: Dan i thought you’d want to edit it a bit first!! wow ok looool

From: Dan To: Tyler dont say that! you’ll make me anxious

From: Dan To: Tyler besides you made it sound like me its fine

From: Tyler To: Dan uh huh... let me know what he says :’D

From: Dan To: Tyler i fucking hate u

From: Tyler To: Dan xxx

The corner of Dan’s mouth quirks traitorously. His relationship with Tyler is complicated. Never before has he been able to hate someone and love them at the same time. Just as he’s about to pocket the phone again, it buzzes in his hand. He glances at the screen to see that Phil has - oh, God - already texted him back. 

He almost drops the damn thing.

From: Phil To: Dan hey dan! yeah of course i remember you ;D surprisingly i dont strip off in the middle of a bar that often. or  for just anyone ;) omg id forgotten about bingo!! super excited. i’ll be there! what time should i swing by? xx

His hand grows clammy, and he can feel his heart picking up speed. It’s mental that just reading Phil’s words can have him so agitated. He wonders if Phil has already saved his name into his phone. Probably not. Dan’s still a complete stranger, just one that happens to have a very expensive item of his clothing. 

From: Dan To: Phil awesome. you wont be disappointed! bingo starts at 7 on thursdays :) ur  shirt and i will see you there! x

Dan dithers about the kiss. He deletes it and retypes it three times, wondering what sort of message it transforms into when it’s added. In the end, after careful analysis of Phil’s initial message (in which there are not one, but two kisses attached) he decides to leave it on. 

Dan more or less expects that to be the end of the conversation, and he breathes a sigh of relief as the text swoops out of his control, but the sight of the three pulsating dots on the left bottom corner of his screen stop him from closing the text window. 

He waits, heart palpitating, for Phil’s reply. 

From: Phil To: Dan are u feeding her well? i hope ur  taking her for a walk twice a day.  tell her i love and miss her, and will see her soon. xx

Dan snorts with laughter, realising that Phil is referring to the shirt. 

From: Dan To: Phil she just pooped on my carpet :/ buttons everywhere x

From: Phil To: Dan :o so sorry. will be sure to give her no treats when i get her back xx

From: Dan To: Phil what kind of treats does she like? x

From: Phil To: Dan moth balls, tide pods... she’s fussy  :/ xx

Dan’s sniggers into his jumper sleeve, eyes crinkling at Phil’s silly responses. Is this flirting, he wonders? Could Tyler have been right about this? 

From: Phil To: Dan gotta run! im sitting in makeup for a shoot and they just finished  prettifying me :’D see u thurs ;) xx

‘You’re already pretty’ is Dan’s instant thought for a response, but he deletes it as soon as his fingers begin typing the words. He shakes his head at himself, berating his brain for being so gooey and idiotic. 

From: Dan To: Phil cool :) see u! x

Much more appropriate, Dan thinks, then locks his phone. It hits him like a freight train as he sits on the edge of his bed, blank phone in hand, that he just arranged a follow up meeting with AmazingPhil. 

He remains perfectly still, sure that the second he moves, the impact of what he’s just done will send him into a full blown panic attack. He invited Phil to Bingo night of all nights. 

He drops his head into his hands, groaning. As he looks up through the slats between his fingers, he notices the Givenchy shirt, hanging proudly on the door of his wardrobe. 

“This is all your fault,” Dan tells it. It doesn’t respond. 

*

Bingo nights are one of the Habenero bar’s busiest. Tyler first came up with the idea around two years ago, being a self-declared Bingo-hoe, but filled with criticism of Brighton’s few and far between Bingo events. 

“Bingo should be about booze, glitter, and loud, obnoxious screaming,” Tyler used to say. “Brighton needs to up its Bingo game.” 

Finally, after months of pleading to Habenero's owner, Tyler managed to wrangle an opportunity to host an experimental Bingo evening, run on his terms. He spared no expense of the meagre budget he was permitted, and created Brighton's, and maybe the world's, first Gay Rave Bingo Extravaganza. 

There are several rounds to the game. The first is the ‘classic’ round, to get everyone into the swing of things. Players are in teams of up to five, they get a Bingo board between them with a selection of random numbers. Tyler, the charismatic host, hops up on the stage to crack a few jokes and welcome everyone. He then goes back to serve drinks whilst Dan calls out the numbers. 

Teams receive ten points per round if they win, five if they come second, one if they come third. 

The following rounds get a little... messier. There’s a ‘drag race’ round, where new boards are handed out, and photos of the RuPaul’s Drag Race contestants are projected onto a screen. Players must correctly identify the contestants in order to be able to cross them all off on their boards. 

This is followed by Dan’s favourite, the ‘closet smash’ round, where clips of famous ‘gay’ scenes from movies, TV shows, webseries’ or any other kind of media are shown on mute, and players must cross the unheard lines of dialogue off on their board. 

There’s a ‘guess the ballad’ round, where LGBT+ friendly songs are played that must be guessed, and finally one last round of just numbers, this time while everyone is significantly more drunk (drinking a sip or a shot each time a correct answer is guessed is highly encouraged, but not necessarily advised by the bar staff, due to the lawsuit that could ensue) and there are loud, booming Madonna hits playing. 

The team with the most points at the end of the night gets a £50 bar tab, along with a shower of glitter, confetti and applause. The losing team has to forfeit. 

Phil arrives in the nick of time, flanked by one intimidatingly attractive man, and a slightly older straight couple. Dan spots them straight away, and hops down from the stage, pink-cheeked, as Tyler continues welcoming the various patrons that have shown up. 

There is no shortage of teams this evening. Dan sincerely hopes Phil is prepared for what’s about to unfold here, although if he has ever been to a different Bingo night, he probably has a very different idea of what to expect. As Dan approaches, he can see the flicker of surprise that is so often found on first-timers' faces, flickering across Phil's gorgeous features.  

“Hey,” Dan manages, heart already clawing itself up his throat. 

Phil turns to him, a bright smile sweeping across his face at once. “Dan!”

A bright, white flash of electricity shoots down Dan’s spine; hearing his name on Phil’s lips is a little too much to handle, at present. He manages not to swoon on the spot, just. 

“You made it!” 

“Of course!” Phil grins. “How could I resist Bingo night?”

Dan smiles, melting under the pleasant, crackling campfire of Phil's warm greeting. Tonight, Phil is wearing contacts, and his eyes seem even bluer than they had the first time. As he stares into them, Dan thinks he can spot glimmers of gold, of violet, of lime. 

“Not sure this is quite the sort of Bingo night I pictured when you dragged me here, Phil,” the attractive man on Phil’s left says, breaking Dan out of his trance. 

Phil laughs, nodding in agreement. "Me neither. But I'm excited. This is PJ by the way, Dan." Phil jabs a thumb at the man. "And this is my brother, Martyn, and his girlfriend, Cornelia." 

Biting back a stab of jealousy, Dan shakes waves to each of them, ending on PJ, for whom he finds himself needing to bite back a stab of jealousy. How many attractive men does Phil just cart around with him, day to day?

"Oh don't get me wrong, Dan, I'm excited too," PJ says. "Anything glittery brings out the craft-wizard in me."

"Sophie's going to be so pissed that she missed this," Phil says, eyes still sweeping around the gaudily decorated bar. Tyler spares no expense for Bingo nights. Everything is covered in banners, in balloons, in... glitter. Lots and lots of glitter. It's a nightmare to clean up at the end of the night, every time. 

"Not sure it's acceptable to have two straight couples in a gay bar," PJ mutters in response. 

Ah, Dan notes, his jealous monster retracting its claws. PJ is perhaps not as much of a threat as he'd thought. Not that there's anything about Dan which would need threatening. His chances with someone like Phil are laughably non-existent, whether or not Phil's handsome friends are straight. 

"Oh, you're all very welcome," Dan assures PJ. "Bingo is a non-discriminatory sport."

"Sport?" Martyn asks, looking a little more on the concerned side than some of the others.

Dan chuckles. "Yeah, uh, our take on Bingo is a bit more... energetic, than you might be used to."

Phil raises a perfectly arched eyebrow, obviously intrigued. Dan just smiles back enigmatically. “So, do you have a spare table for us?” 

“Hmm, we might,” Dan says, trying with all his might to look nonchalant as he sweeps a vague gaze across the room. 

By no means can Phil know that Dan has spent the last two hours in which he and his co-workers set up being relentlessly teased for insisting on saving the best table for AmazingPhil. He'd gotten to work early, in fact, and reserved Phil the table right near the front, not too close to the speakers, but with a fantastic view of the ball cage and the screen. 

As breezily as he can, Dan leads Phil and his friends to this table, and gets them seated with pens, a Bingo board, and some drinks menus. It’s at this moment that Tyler, who has been buffeting the audience about on the breeze of his easy, clever humour, decides to introduce him. 

“And this yummy little twink over here is Dan,” Tyler says into the mic he’s holding. He gestures down at where Dan hovers, near to Phil’s table. The audience all turn to him, spreading a warm, gradual blush over his cheeks. “Dan will be fondling all your balls this evening, so do please keep an eye on him. Tip him well, ladies. Fellas. Folks in between.”

The audience laugh heartily, including all of Phil's table, so Dan just glares at Tyler, then scurries onto the stage in preparation for the first round. As he draws the first few numbers from the ball cage, Tyler wanders through the tables, taking drinks orders and greeting some regulars. Dan watches him hawkishly as he goes, hardly concentrating as he calls out the numbers. Eventually, Tyler saunters over to Phil's table, which is a frightening thing to behold. Dan stutters as he calls out the number in his hand, too intent on trying to lip-read Tyler's words as he converses with Phil and his friends. 

Whatever Tyler is saying seems to be making Phil laugh, which is hardly a good sign. 

After a minute or so, Tyler moves away, and Dan relaxes into his routine, cracking jokes each time a vaguely sexual number is called out - everyone loses their goddamn shit as usual when he reads out 69 - and things pass without issue. He keeps an eye on Phil's table as subtly as he can, and from what he can make out, the four of them seem to be having a good time. 

It catches Dan off guard when a table near the back shout out "Bingo!", distracted as he is by Phil's presence tonight. He blinks at the winning table for a moment before remembering his duty, and calls them up on stage to check their board. 

"Alright, winner of the first round, table 22!"

"Our team name is actually Cougar Chasers," one glittery young man informs him. 

Dan just smiles awkwardly, not wanting to explain that team names have never been part of the Bingo rules. As the team leave the stage, Dan glances back down towards Phil's table just in time to see Phil mouth "this round?" to PJ. 

He smirks to himself, wondering how the infamous AmazingPhil will cope under the intensity of the next few hours. 

*

Phil does not cope well. 

His team struggles the most by a long way, which is perfectly normal for first time Bingo players at Habenero. They get some points, but only a few, and are often seen scribbling frantically, or having heated discussions amongst themselves, eyes wide, hands gesticulating, stirring the confetti that's gathered on the table. 

Despite his poor performance, however, Phil seems to be enjoying his experience thoroughly. His glasses may be steamed from the dry ice Tyler pumps out in excess, and his clothes and hair might be smothered in an inch of glitter, but he's grinning widely, and is clearly trying his hardest. His forté seems to be the drag race round, for which his team actually manages to place second due to Phil's apparent extensive knowledge of the show. 

He throws the board up in the air when he shouts "Bingo!", but unfortunately it's a fraction of a second too late, and another team snags first place. 

At the end of the final round, it becomes clear to Dan, with a slow sense of dread, that Phil's team has lost. The losing team gets a forfeit, and it's almost always the same thing. Tyler swans over to the stage to announce the winners, and Dan falls back, eyeing Phil's table with a prickling fear. 

"...so big round of applause once more for our winners, everyone!" Tyler shouts once he's announced everyone. The crowd cheer and whistle for the winning teams, who bow theatrically, blowing kisses to the audience. "Bring your sparkly asses up to the bar to claim your £50 worth of drinks. But, come on now folks. I know what you dramatic little hoes are really excited for." Tyler winks and they all laugh, cheering happily. "Our big losers tonight... I am most scintillated to announce, are..." 

Dan bites his lip. 

"Table 34! Otherwise known as our smoking celebrity presence this evening, Instagram's AmazingPhil," Tyler announces. "And friends." 

Phil's eyebrows shoot up in unmistakeable shock. The crowd cheers, bewildering him and the others at the table even further. To Dan's surprise, Phil looks to him, questioningly, as if he's asking Dan to explain. Dan sends him a pitying glance, wondering if there's any way to warn Phil of what's about to happen. It's usually fairly pointless to try and stop Tyler, however. And besides, the idiot is already speaking again. 

"So, I'm sure you all know by now what happens to our losing team each week," Tyler says, grinning down at them all. "Table thirty-four, please kindly follow me to the bar." 

A loud 'whoop' of excitement resounds around the room, and there's a scrape of chairs as people hurry over towards the bar, wanting to secure the best spots for the spectacle about to unfold. Dan reluctantly begins climbing down from the stage as well, at which point he feels someone grab his arm. He turns, surprised to find himself face to face with Phil, and stumbles on his way down. Phil, who still has hold of his arm, manages to stop Dan from landing smack down on the sticky floor, hauling him upright. 

Dan, mortified, stammers out some sort of thank you, much to Phil's amusement. "Don't worry," Phil tells him. "I surprised you, it's my fault. Though I have a feeling I'm not going to be feeling as chivalrous towards you in a few minutes." 

Phil raises an eyebrow at him, still questioning, and Dan just attempts an enigmatic smile. He's so flustered that he's sure it comes off as more of a grimace, but at least he tries. 

"Hey, mate, it's not my fault you suck at Bingo," Dan says, his daring comment scrounged up from a reserve of courage he wasn't aware existed. "The Habenero staff accept no responsibility for you not reading the rules of the event before participating." 

Phil huffs a laugh, and releases him. "Perhaps a certain bartender should have given me a list of these rules before allowing me to sign up?"

Dan throws his hands up in front of him, already backing away from the conversation. "Hey, all the rules are listed on our website. Now, sir, if you would kindly step up to the bar to accept your forfeit."

Just as Dan is about to turn from him and sprint off, Phil steps forwards, penetrating Dan's personal bubble with his intimidating presence. Dan stops breathing instantly, caught in a sudden limbo as the world slows around him, the movements of the crowd crawling to a snail's pace, the pumping music becoming a distorted drawl. Phil leans towards him, a smirk on his lips, which he brings to Dan's ear. 

"Kind of like it when you call me Sir." 

He leans away, and the world falls back into its rhythm, the music blaring, the lights swirling in a cacophony of colour. Dan blinks, or so it seems, and Phil has moved from him, is back with his friends, headed for the bar. Dan lets out the breath he's been holding in a sudden rush, his lungs screaming with relief. He takes a moment to gather himself as best he can, heart palpitating wildly, and shakily makes his way over as well. 

*

"So, Dan, tell me," Phil says, wiping his sodden fringe from his brow. "How is it that whenever I come within ten feet of you, I seem to have an overwhelming urge to remove my shirt?" 

Dan, who is having a great deal of trouble averting his gaze from the miles of smooth, glittery skin covering Phil's bare chest, shrugs, mouth moving without making a noise. Phil is dripping wet, covered in beads of moisture, his damp shirt slung over one shoulder. He looks delicious, like a cold, dewy, fresh apple, just begging Dan to sink his teeth in. Just then, Tyler wanders over, placing two shots down on the bar between Dan and Phil. 

"Don't worry, hot stuff," Tyler tells Phil, winking. "Dan's pretty, but his charms wear off eventually." 

"I doubt that," Phil replies smoothly. Dan splutters, reddening. Phil glances down at the shots Tyler handed over, frowning. "What's this?"

"Thought you deserved a drink after all we put you through this evening," Tyler says. "And I thought Dan might like to join you."

Dan glares at Tyler, who just beams back, happily, before sauntering away. Shyly, Dan turns back to Phil, who has picked up the shot glass between his thumb and forefinger, and is rotating it in the space between them, gazing into the clear liquid. 

"Sorry about him," Dan says, surprised that he's able to force the words out, croaky as they are. "And sorry about... y'know. Everything else." 

Glancing over the rim of the shot glass, Phil grins, eyes crinkling. "Are you kidding? This is the best Bingo night I've ever been to." 

"Even though we sprayed you and your friends with the soda hoses for losing?" 

Phil nods. "Which means you must be an excellent Bingo host." 

"I'm just the guy who reads the numbers," Dan says, dismissive. 

He refuses to take credit for the Bingo nights. They're Tyler's baby, he just helps out. 

"You clearly know your way around the balls," Phil jokes, winking as Dan splutters again. His cheeks feel like they're about to burst into flames, at this point.

"Hah, well..." Dan shifts awkwardly, adjusting his jeans - they have a tendency to slip down his hips without permission. "Good to know I have at least one talent, I guess." 

"So, are you going to drink with me, Dan?" 

Dan hesitates, looking down at the shot Tyler poured for him. The milky yellow colour suggests tequila, perhaps the strongest thing he could have given them. Dan has over an hour left of his shift still, and technically he's not supposed to ingest any alcohol whatsoever during working hours. However, that doesn't mean he never does. Customers buy him drinks all the time, and while he sometimes declines, or pretends to drink them... there have often been instances where he's given into temptation. 

As he stares across the counter at his all time crush, shirtless and dripping from where he'd been sprayed with lemonade and soda water, Dan kind of gets the feeling that this is going to be one of the times where his resistance falls through. 

Not trusting himself to speak, Dan just picks up the shot, and watches in quiet awe as Phil smiles, clinks his own against it, and throws it back, expertly. Caught on the tantalising bob of Phil's stubbled Adam's apple as he swallows the spirit, Dan almost forgets to drink his. He remembers just as Phil's eyes fall back to his, and downs it swiftly. 

Purely to show off, Dan reaches below the bar to grab some lemon wedges, and hands one to Phil, blushing. "Here, it's practically blasphemous to do a tequila shot without a chaser." 

"Well, I'm no stranger to sin," Phil says, but accepts the lemon anyway, grinning. 

Dan bites into his lemon wedge, cursing himself internally when he realises how unattractive his face becomes as he does so. Luckily, Phil just chuckles, and does the same, wincing. "Ugh, that was awful. Tell your friend I said thanks." 

Dan laughs. "I will."

"Well, I'd better get back to my friends," Phil says, scanning the immediate vicinity for them. "Not looking forward to another shirtless walk home though, I must admit. I got some... peculiar reactions from people last time." 

"Sorry about that," Dan says, one hand reaching up to rub the back of his neck. "Oh, wait, what am I saying? I have your shirt from last time, you can wear that." 

"Oh, right," Phil says, laughing to himself. "I completely forgot that's why I came tonight."

"Having too much fun, clearly," Dan jokes, already scooting out from behind the bar. "Come with me, I left it in the staff room." 

Dan weaves through the thinning crowd of people. People tend to leave pretty quickly after Bingo night ends on Thursdays. He and Tyler will probably be able to close early tonight. Dan can feel Phil following behind, as if he's attuned to Phil Lester's movement, tapped into the heat of his body. He feels he'd be able to just sense if Phil was in a room, even if it was packed with people. Phil's presence pours out a specific, viscous aura, clogging Dan's pores, seeping into the workings of his brain and slowing them down, smearing a haze across his sight. 

They reach the door of the staff room, marked 'private', and Dan pushes inside, heading straight for the lockers on the far wall. His skin prickles, sensing that Phil has followed him in here. It only now occurs to Dan how strange this might seem, luring Phil into an empty, secret room under the premise of returning him something. He decidedly does not turn around, instead choosing to fumble with his locker key in the door. 

"I, uh, got it dry cleaned," Dan babbles, drawing the garment out of his locker. It's still on its hanger, as uncreased and pristine as Dan could manage. "I don't know if it was supposed to have any special treatment, but I told them to be extra careful-" 

As Dan turns, he realises that Phil has moved extremely close. Neither of them hit the light switch, so the room remains dark, only lit dimly by the coloured lights pouring in through the ajar door. Dan can hear Phil breathe, can hear the thump of someone's heart - probably his own. He's pretty sure the song playing in the bar outside is Britney's 'Toxic', but he can't be sure. The sound of his own desperate, roiling desire is deafening. 

"Thanks, Dan," Phil says softly, reaching for the shirt. "Wish I could've seen you in it." There's a pause; Dan can hear his own cells fizzing through his body. "Or not in it." 

In that second, Dan is sure he's about to be kissed. Every sign is there: Phil inching closer, leaning in, the flutter of his eyes, as if they're about to fall shut. Dan tries to brace himself for it, to prepare his frantic brain for something so miraculous, so improbably, so utterly wild as being kissed by AmazingPhil-

The door swings open. Blinding, fluorescent light floods the room, and Phil steps backwards, cringing from it. 

"Shit, sorry..." Lara says from the doorway. Her round, pretty face is filled with apologies. "My shift is over, Tyler said I could head home... fuck, did I interrupt-"

"Hey, it's okay," Phil says brightly, sending her a soft, reassuring smile. "Dan was just returning my shirt. I need to head home as well, anyway. Great night, guys! Thanks again for the shirt, Dan!" 

In the next second, he's gone, and Dan, a mess of emotions, is somehow on the floor, back against the lockers, mind utterly blank. He vaguely notes, in the background, Lara jabbering at him, a thousand apologies falling from her lips. 

*

For two agonising days, Dan hears nothing else. Aside from Tyler bringing the topic up every few milliseconds, Dan's life trundles on devoid of AmazingPhil. Even his Instagram is dry. The day after Bingo night, Phil posts an apology note on his Instagram story that reads:

overdid it at Bingo last night (dont laugh) - having a much needed hangover day in bed with sweet potato fries & a Buffy marathon. Posts will resume ASAP! xx

The day after that, Phil posts nothing. It's unusual. Instagram is Phil's job, so he posts at least once a day, normally. Of course, there are exceptions, like when he goes up North to visit his family, or is too busy and forgets. There's far from a regular upload schedule, but AmazingPhil can normally be relied upon to post at least once a day, and often more. 

Then, on Sunday, just as Dan is getting in from his shift at around six in the morning, his phone buzzes. Dan reaches for it as he's peering into his fridge. He's bone tired, but his stomach is not going to let him go straight to sleep. 

He checks his notification, and freezes, under the judgemental eye of the courgettes on the shelf in front of him. 

amazingphil just posted a photo

Dan swipes the screen carefully, his heart in his mouth. How is he going to handle seeing this man, again, after everything that's occurred? He holds his breath, picturing the slow steps Phil made towards him, the gradual descent of his plush, pink mouth, the glimmer in his round, blue eyes...

The photo flashes up, and Dan's stomach twists in shock. His heart plunges to his knees, and he has to cling onto the fridge door for support. The photo is of Phil, and someone else. That someone else is recognisably Charlie Hickory, the man Phil had brought with him the first time they met. 

They're kissing. 

Hey guys! Sorry for the lack of posts, as you can see I've been kind of busy ;) back to normal uploads now, I promise!! xx

As his eyes sting with white hot jealousy, Dan realises just how deeply he's stupidly, ignorantly allowed himself to wade into this swamp of yearning for a guy he could never, in a thousand years, hope to get. 

"Well, I'm a fucking twat," Dan sighs, and slams the fridge door. 

(Part 3!) 

[ineverhadmyinternetphase]

Running Into You - No. 6

Installment number 6 in my series of AU oneshots about Dan meeting his favourite youtuber AmazingPhil for the first time.

AO3 link

Genre: Fluff, with a sort of 2009-ish feel (but it’s still AU)

Warnings: A bit of swearing and some mentions of low self-esteem but literally it’s just fluff

Prompt: Missent Text

Summary: Dan’s on his gap year, so naturally he’s spending most of his time lounging around on the internet, watching his favourite youtubers and scrolling through tumblr. When he gets an accidental text from an unknown number, he doesn’t think much of it, until a series of events start to convince him the sender might just be someone he idolises: AmazingPhil.

A/N: This draft is like 2 years old, but @agingphangirl convinced me to post this while we’re waiting for pinof. It’s epistolary form, so I hope it isn’t too confusing. Hope you like it ^_^

Phil’s texts are italics, Dan’s texts are in quotation marks

…

6. Missent Text

Where r u?

Sorry what?

Where r u I’ve been here 10 mins

…Am I supposed to be somewhere?

You said on dm you’d be here at 6, I’m getting cold ^_^

Um I’m sorry mate but you must have the wrong number

Oh crap!! Sorry!!

.Lmao it’s ok. Just checked my dms and nothing interesting enough to make me be outside in this weather sorry

Tell me about it x_x I’m freezing. But if you’re not peej then I’ll be here a while

Unfortunately for you I go by Dan

Oh. Well, hello Dan. Sorry for bothering you with my freezing antics

Nvm it’s cool

It’s more than COOL, it’s COLD enough for ICICLES

I’m sure ur exaggerating

No my nose is an actual block of ice

Where even are you? Unless you’re in the Arctic you might want to get that seen to

--

Sorry! Peej showed up eventually (the friend I thought you were). Turns out he gave me the wrong number. All sorted now. I promise not to bother you again

Honestly it’s fine. I probably need more human contact so you did me a favour

Haha, glad to be of service ^_^ also I was in Manchester. It’s so cold it snowed. My icicle nose is allowed

Manchester? That’s like waaaaay in the north

Not that far but cold enough for icicle noses :P

Yes yes ok you’re allowed an icicle nose

Haha thanks :P so where are you, if not in the north?

Reading

Ohhhh so a proper southerner

I guess you could say that

Well hello Dan the proper southerner

God no that makes me sound like a queens guard or something

Do you queens guard people have time to text?

We’re too busy dealing with the corgis and all that shit

I knew it 0.o

XD but really I’m sitting in bed on the internet lol

Actually same

Haha really?

Yep. Which sites you on?

Just the usual. Tumblr, YouTube. My favourite youtuber has a new video due out tonight

Nice ^_^

What sites are you on?

Currently uploading a video to my YouTube channel

You have a channel?!

Haha yeah ^_^

Which one? Would I know it?

I don’t know. It isn’t a huge deal but it’s fun

Yeah I mean I admire that. I’d love to have a channel

Why don’t you?

Idk too scared I guess

Awr ^_^ nothing to be scared about honest, it’s just you and a camera

And the whole of the internet xD

Haha I try not to think about that part 0.o thousands of people watching me

Thousands? Wow so you must be a pretty big channel

Heh I guess, maybe ^_^ so who are your favourite youtubers?

Oh man I have loads XD Smosh, community channel, AmazingPhil (the one I’m waiting for the new video), charlieissocoollike

That’s a good mix ^_^ my new video is 99% uploaded and stuck there x_x

Seriously? Your connection needs to sort its shit out

Haha yeah it really does. I think it’s being attacked by bees

Bees?

Or wasps

Seriously?

Tiny horned beetles?

Do they even exist?

Idk but if they do they’re attacking my wifi

I’ll send the insect spray

Haha thanks XD it must have worked as my video is finally uploaded!

—

…Great video. Especially the lion wedding, that was sweet

Haha thanks! Glad you liked it, took ages to get the dress on lioness. Plus my mum nearly walked in on me 0.o

Holy fuck you actually are AmazingPhil aren’t you

Um, well, yes.

Sorry.

AmazingPhil, FantasticPhil, Epic Youtuber

or just Phil if you prefer

I probably should have told you

Jesus shitting fuck I’m sorry for bothering you

Don’t be daft! I accidentally texted you first ^_^

Yeah but I bet you didn’t expect to end up with a weird fanboy. Um. Not that I’m a stalker I promise

Haha it’s ok Dan honestly

I’m not going to spread your number around or anything holy shit like I’m so sorry

Honestly, please don’t worry, it’s been nice talking to you ^_^ I appreciate you not spreading my number around though. I got lucky with you, don’t want to risk a creepy stalker finding me 0.o

Lmao I promise xD how do you know for sure I’m not a creepy stalker though

0.o I’ll set the bees against you

I’ll start running now

Haha

—

So out of curiosity how long have you been watching my videos for?

Oh um a couple of years now

Really? That’s awesome!

Yeah. You actually replied to one of my comments once ^_^ made my day

Aw haha that’s great, which video?

The toxic one

Oh my god >.<

Haha it’s a good video :P

I should remove it from the internet immediately

Don’t you dare! Your fans would be sad

X_x well this isn’t very fair if you know about me but I don’t know you at all

Well you know my name’s Dan

And you’re from Reading. Tell me more? ^_^

unless you don’t want to, that’s fine, I’m just curious

Haha no it’s alright. Um. I’m Dan. I just finished my A levels and now I’m taking a gap year

Oh cool ^_^ going to uni after that?

Probably. Thinking of law

Wow, that’s impressive

Haha we’ll see ^_^

Just checking but how old are you? I don’t want to be a creep 0.o

Lmao dw I’m 18 everything is legal

Phew XD Anything else I should know?

Well I’m currently undefeated at mario kart

What seriously? You’ve never lost?

Nope and I don’t plan to start :P

I’d beat you

I really wish we could test that theory

Haha that would be fun :P we could always test it over Skype sometime?

That’s probably really weird sorry

I promise I’m not a creeper

It’s ok, and yeah, I’d love to Skype sometime

Yeah? Yay! :D

Lmao you’re probably going to want to run a mile when you see me though

I doubt that very much unless you have like five eyes or something

Five eyes? Wtf XD

Idk you could be a giant spider

[insert pic] See? Not a giant spider :P

Oh wow yeah not a giant spider. I spy a cute guy :P

Shut up >.<

Nice hair

Lol I swear I had it like this before I started watching you

[insert pic] And here I thought I’d started a trend

Crap you actually are Phil >.< yeah your hair is cool enough to be a trendsetter tbh

Haha thanks XD and yeah I am Phil. Is that a problem?

Are you kidding me? Nope except I turn even more awkward than normal around people I admire

Aw well awkward people are the best. And at least there aren’t videos of you half-naked on the internet

You make a good point

—

Hey so I’m uploading a new video tonight but I can’t decide if it’s actually any good. Check it out for me?

Omfg are you seriously saying I get a sneak preview on an AmazingPhil video

Yes please ^_^ I might have overweirded. Need a second opinion

Omfg

just like

give me a moment

wtf

fucking hell

wow ok

I’m calm now

yes I would love to check your video for you

Haha thanks. It’s up as unlisted, [insert link] please be honest with me if it’s terrible

Wow man that’s awesome! I love how interactive it is!

Omfg seriously how are you this creative like you shouldn’t be allowed

Haha really? Wow thanks, I’m not sure about the shot angle though and the lighting is kinda terrible

Yeah ngl the lighting is bad but you can’t control the sun

You never know! I could be a weatherman. But you seriously think I should upload it?

[insert pic with thumbs up] totally I love it

Aw I forgot how hot you are. It’s going up tonight then

CUTE I MEANT CUTE

Gah I’m sorry

Haha it’s fine, getting called hot is never bad in my book ;)

Would you believe it was autocorrect?

Haha if you want :P sounds pretty unlikely though

I’m hiding in a pillow and never coming out

No! Then your subscribers will hate me for taking you away

[insert pic in a pillow] do you like my new home

XD don’t hide from me seriously like you have a video to upload

[insert pic] ok true it’s on 68%

Damn YouTube upload times

Tell me about it. Have you ever uploaded a video then?

Lmao there’s one of me being a boss at DDR

Yeah? Can I check it out?

>.< Um sure, I’m a lame nerd though

Dan, have you even met me?

Haha ok true :P [insert link] just don’t say I didn’t warn you

No one’s feet should be allowed to move that fast. You’re so good, I fall over whenever I try and play

Haha I could teach you

Please be my DDR master Dan-sensei

Depends what you give me :P

I’ve got Pokemon cards

I’m sold

—

[insert pikachu with a lion pic] this was too cute not to show you

Awwww! Rawr ^_^ where is that?

Shop called forbidden planet. I’m in London on work experience and went there on my break

0.o London? You’re braver than me, capital cities scare me

Aw poor Phil haha

[insert pic] do I look ready for work?

Very serious

Srs bsns

[insert scared face pic] I’ll take YouTube any day

Haha. Me too tbh. Law offices are big and dull

Why do you want to do it then?

Idk. Job security? Having a point in life?

Fair enough :P

You did English didn’t you? Sorry I swear I’m not a stalker

Haha it’s fine ^_^ and yeah, English language and linguistics. Then a masters in post-production

Wow that’s so cool. So you’re in your 20s?

22 ^_^ My masters is the only reason I know how to edit videos :P

I wish I could

Well I can always teach you

Seriously?!

Yeah of course, I reckon you’d be great at making videos

Really? Lmao I’m so awkward tho

That can work in your favour, trust me :P

Haha well if you say so, YouTube senpai

Listen well Dan-kun and you too will learn the ways of the YouTube

Haha you’re so strange

You’re just jealous

[insert pic] so much

Stop taking pics at work

But it’s so boring. At least send me one back, save me from the dullness

[insert pic] on my way to a meetup so might be a bit slow

Oh cool meetup like YouTube meetup?

I guess that must be fun

I’d love to go to one but too scared and awkward lol

Save me work is literally killing me

I can’t actually keep working here

ugh why did I ever think law was a good idea I’m going to die at uni

Whoops sorry I seem to have spammed your phone

—

Hey Dan, sorry! I forgot to bring my charger to the meetup so my phone has only just come back to me. I mourned it’s passing *plays lion king music*

Oh that’s ok

I really am sorry that I couldn’t distract you from your work

Lmao no worries

Don’t know if it’ll make it any better but I am working on a new video and lion says he thinks law is a very admirable career option

Tell lion thanks and I’d be even more grateful if he did my degree for me

He says sign him up where are you going to uni anyway?

Well I’m not there yet. I have to start applying soon

Looked around any?

Errrr I’ll get on that

Isn’t the deadline soon?

Yeah but I’m an epic procrastinator

Lion is very disappointed

Lion can suck my dick

Dan!

Lmao I was kidding

XD

besides you’re 18 you have loads of time to sort stuff out

Yeah but I have literally no idea what I’m doing

No one does. That’s why you go to uni - to figure it out

You seemed to have it all together

Haha thanks, but honestly, I was just making stupid videos in my bedroom

does that sound wrong?

Lmao a little yeah

Oops

Dw lol if you’re a sexual predator you’re a bit far away to do any real damage

True

:( I’d rather you were nearer tbh

Even if I’m a sexual predator?

Lol I don’t really think you are though

Well I’m not

And me too, Dan

—

[insert pic] last day at the office today I literally couldn’t be happier

Lol I can see from your face

[insert pic] is it that obvious

Rawr

I’ll send lioness to aid you

Lioness not lion?

She’s much fiercer

Lmao probs true either way I’ll take help

At least soon you’ll be free

Yeah I literally can’t wait

Gonna do something to celebrate? ^_^

Lol all my friends are at uni

[insert pic] well Lion and I are proud of you

Aw thanks ^_^ I still forget you’re AmazingPhil sometimes

I’m deeply offended

no but really I’m just Phil and you’re really cool

sorry

Na it’s fine I just had to work

Oops XD

I’m hiding out in the toilets now so we’re fine lmao

and I have no issues with you being Phil

I mean it could be worse at least you aren’t a creepy stalker

I hope not. Also uploading another video tonight, I think you’ll like it

!!! Best celebration ever

^_^

—

So I may have been stalking you on Twitter and it seems your birthday is soon?

0.o stalker. And yeah it is ^_^

wait you follow me? What’s your Twitter handle?

Um. Yes I follow you. And this is going to sound very awkward and stuff but I kind of want to send you a birthday present

Omg Dan you don’t have to do that

Well I’d kinda like to so :P should I use your PO box?

Nah that takes ages to check, I’ll give you my actual address

I promise not to hunt you down

Tbh if it’s you I wouldn’t even mind

Omg

[insert pic with address] there you go

Lol is that a bank statement?

Yeah I’m so profesh

Phil! I could literally rob you

Well I trust that you won’t :P

Lmao you’d better

What’s your Twitter handle btw? You never said

Uh its danisnotonfire.

But please don’t judge me oh god I’m such a nerd

Dan honestly you’re the coolest person I know

sorry was that a bit much?

No! I’m just struggling to respond to the best youtuber out there calling me cool

Not just cool, the coolest :P wow you’ve commented on my tweets quite a bit

>.<

Sorry I never noticed you properly

You accidentally texted me I think that wins

Haha true

—

Happy birthday!

Thanks! ^_^ I have family stuff but I’ll talk to you as soon as I’m done

Sure sure have a great day!

— DAN OMG

YOUR PRESENTS

YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE YOU ACTUALLY SHOULDN’T

[insert excited pic cuddling the presents] you’re amazing

you’re so amazing

I can’t believe you

honestly you’re too amazing

how did I ever meet someone this nice and funny and cool and kind and cute and sweet

honestly

and I know you must be sleeping it’s like 2am but I have to tell you

OMG you’re too adorable

who let you be like this and you’re too far away :(

I wish you could be here so I could give you a thank-you hug

Wow I’m glad you liked them :P I’ll take a thank-you hug

What are you doing still up?

Can’t sleep how was the party?

GR8 M8! My parents embarrassed me in front of everyone

Oh no what did they do?

Got the baby photos out >.<

Lmao I’d love to see that

I was ginger

OMG for real?!

Yes >.< *hides forever*

That’s adorable

You’re adorable

Your mum’s adorable

Actually shut up

:P aren’t you too old for immature arguments now

Go to sleep

Lmao I’m glad it was good though

Thanks yeah it was rly good

Looking through the photos now

Any good ones?

Mostly drunk XD [insert pic]

Who’s that guy?

My cousin

Lmao ok I was about to say hands off

XD he was really drunk

You look a bit worse for the wear too

I may be slightly intoxicated

Haha tut tut Lester

Shut up Dan :P what is your surname?

Howell

Howell? Like a wolf?

Lmao if you like

Awooooooo

You’re so strange XD

AwoloooooOooooOOOOO

it suits you though

you’re very brown

XD aren’t wolves grey?

Well yeah

but like

you have their wildness

Lmao I’m taking that as a compliment

You should

you’re hot as hell

but so young and sticky out

like a baby deer

A wolf and a baby deer?

And eyes like an owl

You and your animal metaphors

None of those are quite right though

Like your eyes are too pretty they’re more like the night sky

but coloured with earth

You’re drunk

I mean it though

…I know

I wish I had eyes like yours

No! Yours are perfect

They’re big and weird

They’re deep and beautiful and I could swim in them all day

and I’m not drunk

I should be sleeping

You’re sleep-drunk :P which is actually a thing you know

Right I’m going to sleep

Noooooooo

We’ll talk about this when we’re both more sane

But I don’t want you to go

it’s quiet and sad when you aren’t around

and I’m cold here now

and it’s my birthday

Dan?

Dan?

Happy birthday you idiot. Now go to sleep

night Dan <333

—

I’m so sorry about last night I had too much to drink

Haha it’s ok it was your birthday

Yeah but still

I’m so sorry if I made you uncomfortable

You didn’t. There’s nothing to worry about

Do we need to talk about this?

Um. Do you want to?

Kind of

But kind of not

I don’t want to make you feel awkward

I’m always awkward

Dan, for real. You know what I mean.

Yeah I think I do

Do we need to talk about it?

I think we’re both aware it’s there. Let’s just see where it goes?

Yeah ok sounds good. And no awkwardness?

None at all, I promise <3

Good <3

—

Hey Dan, are you still up for Skype at some point?

Yeah, sure ^_^ tonight?

Yeah! I’ll just finish up editing

Ooh, what’s it like?

Haha spoilers :P what’s your Skype name?

Danisnotonfire same as Twitter

Original :P

added you

‘AmazingPhil has added you to his contacts’ you’re just as original I see

Shut up and answer the call

—

So my eyes are even bluer on skype? :P

Haha shuddup

They’re even more blue in person

Are they even blue lmao they’re like 3 different colours

[insert pic] mostly blue

Greeny yellow blue

Very poetic

Shuddup :P

sorry I’ll stop

Please don’t

Lol fishing for compliments?

Well if they’re being offered

You’re impossible

That isn’t a compliment

You’re ridiculously strange?

I’ll take that

Haha of course you would :P

So what are you up to?

Actually answering a few texts for once, you?

Throwing around some video ideas but I’m bored now. Who’re you texting?

Some school friends who are at uni

Nice ^_^

Well. Sort of. It’s weird

Tell me about it?

It’s just they all have these lives that are moving forwards and away from home and leaving me behind

and I just

My ex is dating someone else and I’m in exactly the same place as I was when she broke up with me

And I’m not content but I don’t really want to go anywhere or do anything and I just don’t know what on earth I’m going to do with my life

Were you happy with them before school ended?

Idk. I thought so at the time. But I don’t think I’ve ever really been happy, not yet

It’s ok. You don’t have to know right now. And one day you’ll leave all of them behind too and move on to something better

I think I already am. Having you around is better than them

Sorry

Haha don’t apologise for being so sweet ^_^

Also I’m single now. And bi. Just to avoid confusion

I’m bi too. Probably

Probably?

Not a massive fan of labels if I’m honest

If I feel something for someone then that’s all that matters

Might be demi, might be bi, might be somewhere inbetween.

And I don’t want you to worry about your future, ok? Everything is going to fall into place

<3

And if it doesn’t I’ll be around to distract you with more lame animal comparisons

Haha I actually love you

Me too <3

—

Get on Skype!

Ok it’s late you’re probably sleeping

it’s just

ugh I don’t know who else to talk to so I’m going to rant at your phone like a completely normal person

but mum yelled at me for not doing my uni application yet

but I just don’t know what to do I mean law yes but how do I decide where?

This is huge

and I don’t want to rush into it

but she thinks I’m going to miss the deadline though there’re months left

and I just

ugh

now she isn’t talking to me

-

Dan I’m sorry I was sleeping. Skype now?

I really don’t mind you spamming my phone, please do, always, I’d rather you had somewhere to talk about this stuff

And you know, Manchester uni is good. I could show you around

—

I spoke to mum about going to look around the uni.

She asked where I would stay.

I kind of told her I have friends at uni there.

It’s a half truth right?

Awesome ^_^ Um do you think she’d like to know the truth?

Probably.

Idk.

She might freak out and be worried

Because you’re meeting a random man you’ve never met before?

Lmao when you put it like that

Are you honestly ok with this? It’s fine if you’re not

No no I’m so ok. I want to meet you. Like properly

I want that too. So much

So it’s going to happen. I’m buying train tickets

Awesome ^_^ but your mum?

Do you think I should tell her?

I think she’d be happier knowing where you are

Yeah. Yeah I know. I’ll talk to her

Give her my phone number too. And my address

Lmao you after more stalkers?

Dan I’m serious I want you to be safe

You spoon

yeah I’ll tell her everything. She might not be best pleased though

Dw if she locks you up I’ll come rescue you

<3

<3

—

I told her

!!! And?

She said yes

OMG!!!!! I’m out atm but Skype as soon as I get back?

Yes please :P

[insert happy pic]

[insert happy pic]

—

Hey Dan you should make a YouTube channel before you visit me

?? Really?

Yeah I mean you always say you want to. And we could do a collab ^_^

For serious?!

Yeah! I mean, if you want to

I’ve been wanting to do a Q and A for a while and it would be fun I think

Omfg

Is that a yes?

Hell yes it’s a yes

Um only problem is

How do I even make a video?

However you want ^_^ you’ve told me loads of good ideas

But they’re so lame lmao

They’re really not. I promise.

Why not start with an introduction? Then you can go on to your actual content

Omg but like do you really think I could?

Honestly! Yes.

Ok

Ok

My mum’s going out in a minute so I’ll have the house to myself. I could film

That’s brilliant! I’m about to head out with mum but film whilst I’m gone and we can Skype later yeah?

Ok wow

omg

ok

Phil this isn’t working I sound so stupid

fucking hell I can’t do this

You can! Act like you’re on Skype to me

Can we Skype?

Still visiting my brother sorry :( tonight we will

Ok. I’ll keep trying

You can do it! Pretend the camera is me. Or any friend. It’ll help

Ok <3

<3

—

Holy fuck Phil I have views.

And subscribers! So many subscribers!

Told you!!

This is because you tweeted it

No, it’s because you’re really bloody talented

>.< I can’t believe I did that

You did and you’re awesome and I’m so proud of you!

Can’t wait to collab :D

Me neither, if you still want to I mean

Silly, of course I want to. Best thing about this month

<3

<3

—

Um so a bit of a change of plan

??? Do I need to cancel the train tickets?

No no! Just

Turns out my parents aren’t going to be here the weekend you’re visiting.

Is that a problem?

Lmao no why would it be

are you planning to ravish me or something

>.< I don’t think I’ve ever ravished anything in my life

Well you can start with me ;)

Dan!

Seriously though. Is it ok?

Yeah. Honestly it’s great.

Are you sure?

Are you?

Yeah I mean honestly it’ll be nicer to see you without having to get around them

I just don’t want to weird you out

You won’t

I hope not

Phil honestly I can’t wait

:D me neither

where are you btw? Skype isn’t picking up

Oh yeah, my internet is down, sorry

:O no wifi?!

No wifi. I’m not sure how I’m going to survive

I’ll spam you with texts

Please!

Actually I have something better

[incoming call: AmazingPhil]

—

I’m at the train station and it’s super early I’m not even sure you’re worth it

Sorry! I’ll make it up to you with hot coffee and hugs ^_^

Ok yeah you are worth it

Aw :D

On the train next to an old man who’s threatening to fall asleep on my shoulder

x_X tell him to keep his hands off

Lmao yeah I’m sure you’d really sort him out

I could be fierce

You’re literally a muffin with an emo fringe

I’ll fill your bag with bees

I’ll tame them into my own personal army

Then you’ll be our evil overlord

Mwahahaha

Can I be on your side when you take over the world?

Your lion powers could come in useful so yeah I guess so

Awesome we can run the world together

Yes :P

ugh the train is running late

:( by how much?

Twenty minutes atm

I’ll still get to the station at ten to

Well it might be running quite late by the time we get that far north

I don’t want to miss you. I’ll be there <3

I can’t wait

Me neither

Stuck in Stoke now. Literally the weirdest station I’ve ever seen

Haha really?

Yeah. And it’s packed. I had no idea this many people travelled this early on a Saturday, I didn’t even know this time exists

It doesn’t and you’re travelling in some other dimension right now

Shut up :P

Just waved my parents off. I’ll head out to the station soon

I’m so nervous

Me too <3

Promise you won’t run a mile?

Promise. I’ll see you soon Dan

See you soon

—        

[astrofireworks]

*slams table repeatedly* MYUNGJIN MERMAID AU MYUNGJIN MERMAID AU MYUNGJI-

mermaid AU instalment 4 aYo

oh my god i’m so sorry i’m taking this long 

me: i need to finish this and start drabbles (?)

also me: literally takes three years to figure out laws of physics in an AU

MJ being Sanwoo’s cousin

Hangs around Sanwoo all the time

Except when Eunwoo started going up to the surface all the time

MJ: “ok but where are you going :(”

Sanha: “don’t leave us :(”

Eunwoo: “you guys play w each other all the time anyway ????? I’m just going up to collect sea glass”

Sanha: “ur leaving me alone???? with (whispers) the old one?????”

Sanha: talk shit get hit

Sanha, rubbing his arm: “ok no but are u going up agAIn to see-”

Eunwoo, glaring at Sanha bc he’s about to expOSE EUNWOO

Sanha, faltering: “if there’s anymore sea glass left?”

MJ: “we can help you look!!!”

Eunwoo: “nO”

MJ:

MJ:

MJ, squinting at Eunwoo: “…okAyyyyy”

Cue Eunwoo going up to the surface

Cue a not-subtle Sanha grabbing onto Eunwoo’s tail and wiggling around and singing in excitement because today Rocko’s going to teach him about what he calls a “guitar”

Sanha: “is it the same as a (insert blubbery noise)”

Rocko:

Rocko:

Rocko: “uh I guess ??”

Rocko: “ok but how does stuff sound underwater how do sound waves travel do you sound the same underwater as above water how do you record music underwater do you even have recorded music”

Sanha:

Sanha: “bro”

Me: “ok you know what this is an au fuck physics”

@binsmoon: “LMAO I WAS JUST GONNA SAY”

Eunwoo laughing because his brother is so ridiculously excited

Cue a slightly subtler MJ ducking behind rocks and peeking suspiciously at Eunwoo & Sanha talking about a rock and a bin (???????)

Wtf they have plenty of rocks down there

Eunwoo’s entire ceiling is a huge slab of rock

Also they don’t exactly have trashbins but like

Why go up to the beach

To see a bin

?????????????

MJ, a poor confused bean,

Eunwoo depositing Sanha with Rocky

Sanha yelling after Eunwoo to “not do anything I wouldn’t do!!”

Rocky flushing and spluttering because wow biN WHAT

Eunwoo just laughing and waving to his brother because knowing Sanha it’s probably

“don’t eat unseasoned seaweed" 

or “don’t insult the mussels”

Not that Sanha hasn’t done that on accident before

The mussels weren’t happy

Wow do you remember when the furthest nsfw I’d go was Binu going shirtless

Shakes fist in anger because wow astroad we were all betRAYED

I DARE YOU TO DO THIS BINU >:( 

Bin can attest that if you think making out is the best thing then making out when you’re in water and virtually weightless because your boyfriend is a merman tops that 100%

Binu being pretty much in the same position they were in when Bin rescued Eunwoo from the damn fisherman’s net

Except, you know,

With less life threatening things

Eunwoo tasting like salt duh and something clear and sweet and bubbly

Bin chasing Eunwoo for another kiss whenever he pulls away

Eunwoo being soft and giggly with Bin and bumping their noses together

Eunwoo pulling away from small kisses and Binu smiling at each other

Oh my god this is just pure and chaste and happy I’m so soft

Imagine yourself in either position guaranteed heart failure personal experience my heart hurts

Bin pressing kisses to Eunwoo’s nose and forehead and palm and wrist and just being soft at his angel 

“oh mY ASDJHFKJDF” + a splash

Wait

WAIT

Bin straightens and turns his head slightly to the left

What the dang diggity dong was that

That was definitely not Sanha because Sanha’s tail is yellow

That was an alarming, non-yellow blob 

Flipping out of the water

Eunwoo squinting in the moonlight towards the ripples then disappearing underwater 

And resurfacing with another merman

Bin yelping because he wasn’t prePARED 

JUST LIKE HOW I WASN’T PREPARED TO SEE THE GOOGLE RESULTS OF HALF HUMAN HALF JELLYFISH WHAT THE FC

MJ guiltily smiling at Eunwoo 

Eunwoo staring exasperatedly at MJ before hollering for Sanha in dolphin

Sanha splashing up next to Eunwoo and beaming 

Rocky spluttering for the second time because wow he didn’t sign up to be splashed by a noodley merman 

Before getting to his feet and skipping gently over rocks in his flip flops over to where Sanha seems to be

Sanha also jerking back and pushing Rocky onto stone away from MJ because “listen he looks harmless but he’S DAN G E R OU S”

Bin still treading water before Eunwoo motions for him to get up on the rocks

MJ beaming up at Rocky and Rocky smiling politely back until he realises 

MJ has teNTACLES

Rocky, screaming highER THAN THAT ONE NOTE HE DOES IN REPLAY

Jinjin jerking awake because holy shit what the hell was that sound 

It sounded like it was

Rocky 

Coming from the beach 

Jinjin scrambling to put pants on in the dark 

Brain obviously not working because while he’s the day lifeguard Bin’s supposed to have his back during night shift 

Which means Bin should be working right now 

Jinjin blindly stuffing his feet into flip flops and tumbling out of his room into the corridor and out the building 

MJ’s face falling slightly because well 

He’s half jellyfish and he hasn’t tested his stingers on humans to see if they’re venomous or not

And as expected, Eunwoo and Sanha would rather not chance it so 

He raises his tentacles in a sort-of sad shrug and Sanha just smiles weakly

He really hates seeing MJ sad but they haven’t any other choice

i would nOT RECOMMEND GOOGLING HALF HUMAN HALF JELLYFISH THE F*RR*ES HAVE DRAWN THINGS THAT SHOULD NEVER EXIST

Eunwoo sighing and introducing Bin and Rocky 

MJ, brightening immediately: “SO THAT’S WHY YOU’VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT BINS AND ROCKS”

Bin blinking and blushing because wow 

Eunwoo talks about him?

Rocky watching his best friend flush in the bright moonlight and snorting because “you idiot of course he talks about you you’re dating”

Bin breaking out in a smile because wow Rocko’s right he and Eunwoo are dating

Rocko, squinting slightly:

Eunwoo, beaming up at Bin:

Sanha coughing because he is a pure son and doesn’T NEED TO SEE HIS BROTHER MAKING EYES AT BIN THANK YOU

Jinjin bursting onto the shore, eyes frantically searching for the scream:

Jinjin seeing Bin and Rocky sitting on some rocks and talking to three people bobbing in the water and his heart dropping a huge weight because they’re safe, his boys are safe, nobody seems hurt,

Jinjin being out of breath and having to bend over to catch his breath and Bin catching movement in the corner of his eye and seeing a smol Jinjin on the beach

Bin singing Because It’s You is my favourite thing in the world my heart is bursting >:(

Eunwoo and MJ and Sanha flipping into the sea and disappearing 

Jinjin looking up to see Bin and Rocky bobbing in the water 

Wait

WAIT 

There were 5 of them beFORE 

Jinjin going over to where Bin and Rocko are having a fabricated argument about the merits of human sacrifices 

“yo wtf there were 5 of u”

Bin and Rocky looking at Jinjin and deNYING VERY VEHEMENTLY

“5???????? what 5 haha”

“duuude maybe u should get glasses lol”

“hahaha what’s a five even”

Rocky smacking Bin to shut up 

Eunwoo & Sanha bobbing in the distance worriedly 

Because wow look another human out of nowhere they were lucky Rocky knew Bin and accepted Eunwoo and later on, Sanha 

later on because 

Rocky, casually expecting that since sanha & eunwoo were related they’d have matching tails: 

But not for Sanha’s tail to be bRIGHT FRICKING YELLOW

Rocky, scREAMING

Sanha flipping Rocky off with his tail

Eunwoo being scandalised becaUSE WOW HE DIDN’T RAISE HIS BROTHER TO BE THIS RUDE TO CUTE BOYS 

But it definitely isn’t safe and they need to be more cautious the next time because the next one to come down might not be Bin’s or Rocky’s friend 

Just as well Jinjin is then

Jinjin staring very hard at Bin’s wiggling and Rocky’s glaring 

Jinjin: “ok boys ur lying pay up”

Bin and Rocky immediately clinging to Jinjin and begging him not to freak out 

Jinjin laughing because he’s a lifeguard, for god’s sake

What the heck would make him freak out???? A mermaid??????

Pfft

Bin:

Rocko:

Wait

Bin’s and Rocko’s face just dropped 

The pit of Jinjin’s stomach also drops 

Jinjin: “You’re not serious.”

Rocky looking at Bin 

Bin looking at Rocky 

Jinjin casting a disbelieving look out at the ocean 

Jinjin seeing a stray tentacle waving from a distance 

Jinjin faints 

Sanha: “oh myg od”

Sanha: “is it because of our tails do you think?”

Eunwoo: “nah”

Eunwoo: “he probably ate something wrong”

Sanha:

Eunwoo: “of coURSE IT’S BECAUSE OF OUR TAILS U IDIOT WHAT DID U T HIN K”

MJ, wobbling around and waving his tentacles and catching sight of Jinjin: “maybe he’s a prince I should kiss him”

Eunwoo, stunned into silence for a while then cautiously suggesting he leave the kissing thing for when Bin and Rocky’s human friend is slightly more adjusted to seeing half-marine animals

MJ, squinting at the shore: “sounds fake but ok”

Rocky kneeling over Jinjin, trying to revive him and Bin waving Myungsanwoo over 

Cue Jinjin waking up with two half-dolphins and a half-jellyfish bobbing near the shore and Moonrock sitting in the sand 

Jinjin, slowly sitting up:

Jinjin:

Jinjin: “explain”

Cue Bin’s very condensed version of what happened in part 1

With Eunwoo’s clear voice supplementing whatever Bin misses 

Jinjin staring in disbelief (still) at Eunwoo 

MJ clapping with his hands and all his tentacles (soft squelchy sounds) because wow!!!!! this is the first time he’s heard it too!!!

Good job, Trash Bin!!!!

“Bin,” Sanha hisses under his breath 

Good job, Trash Bin!!!!

Bin smiling weakly & looking at Jinjin with worry 

Only to follow Jinjin’s gaze to a certain half-jellyfish 

Jinjin, softly: “holy shit”

this went on for longer than i realised adslfhasdk