#god forbid he do anything without your faves

[bicheetopuff]

Y’all are getting annoying with all of this hate. This chapter didn’t go the way you wanted it to so you start calling hori a terrible writer? You start saying it’s disgraceful? Are you for real?

Why’re we acting like the story is over? Was there a “the end” somewhere that I missed? Was there a conformation that Shigaraki was completely dead that I also missed? You guys are right that there are some things that didn’t make sense and that it felt a little rushed and how Nanas connection with Shigaraki was off screened but, we still have chances to see all of that.

The thing with Nana might come up with All Might and Gran Torino incase y’all forgot that he’s apart of that whole thing. There could a flashback for Tomura Shigaraki: Rising. Shigaraki could manifest overhaul and put himself back together.

Here’s the thing though, Deku was never motivated to save Shigaraki, he wanted to save the crying child inside of him. AFO was rewinding his age every time he died for like 30 fucking chapters, are you really convinced that he didn’t make sure Shigaraki, his vessel/escape goat, didn’t have the same quirk just incase? Wouldn’t it come full circle for Shigaraki to come out of this as young Tenko? Wouldn’t that even make MORE sense than Deku trying to save someone that’s already too far gone physically? Shigaraki was literally falling apart, wtf was Deku gonna do? Glue him back together? Stop punching him while he was still possessed and trying to kill him and others?

Why is this fandom always mad when Deku does anything? Some people are saying he didn’t have any emotional investment in Shigaraki and that he didn’t show emotion when he died but, we haven’t even gotten the chance to see his reaction yet. The last page he’s super far away and facing away from the camera, how tf do you know he’s not upset? How do you know he’s not looking at Tenko right now?

All of this to say, can y’all just be patient for once? Wait a few chapters before you start literally wishing death on Hori for writing something that didn’t please you in a shonen manga. At this point, some of you need to just drop the series if it’s gonna get under your skin this much. I’m really tired of defending this fandom and being associated with it when y’all are being this outrageous. Some of you need to start thinking and reflecting after you read rather than just go straight to your keyboard and start throwing metaphorical rocks into Horikoshis metaphorically online window.

[showmey0urfangs]

"just like lestat they'd rather let jealousy choke them than work hard to rehabilitate their abusive fave"

I think comments like this may be why people are prompted to writing summaries about how Armand is not a nice guy. I can only speak for myself, but it's not because I think Loumand shippers are stupid or naive, Armand is actually my favorite character. It is the implication that Lestat is an evil abuser and Armand is somehow not is what may be promoting people to want to explain that Armand is not some lovely dovey doting husband. I get that there are some that know and understand book Armand well and still ship Loumand and that is A-okay. Just like some ship Loustat even though he is atrocious in season 1. It's just the implication that one is better than the other which tends to happen with some show only fans (but I do acknowledge it happens on both sides) because they have seen Lestat do all this horrible stuff, but have only seen Armand as the docile Rashid so far. I'm sorry, but both Loustat and Armand are crap husbands in IWTV. Yet they both love Louis and he loves both of them. If you prefer Loustat, go for it. If you prefer Loumand, that's great too. But where it is out of line is attacking the actors over their character's actions. This is happening to Sam Reid more than any other character (in the context of the ship war, not talking about casting or anything else). It is because some people don't like Lestat (and that is okay) but some are attaching this dislike to Sam. And I think the concern that this may occur with Assad is valid if the series chooses to go the route of the book because of poor Sam's level of harassment. You see it all over twitter and even in smaller levels on Reddit. I think that is where people are getting frustrated with some of the toxic Loumand shippers and feel the need to warn or explain to them. I don't believe these "warnings" are intended for people like you who just have a preference, not a irrational hate for an actor playing a fictional character. I don't even want to call the ones being toxic Loumand shippers, I think the correct term may be closer to Lestat haters. There are some very respectable Loumand shippers and some toxic Loustat shippers out there too. Much love. No disrespect. I enjoy your blog but just had to comment on this.

Hi there, I am combining these two because they are kind of about the same thing, I hope you don't mind.

To your point about anon's comment, I agree, which is why in my response I pointed out that ALL these characters are monsters, and not just Lestat or Armand. And both ship are toxic.

(I also don't agree with the notion that Lestat needs to atone or have a redemption arc because he doesn't in the book, he just explains his reasons for doing what he did in a few paragraphs and basically calls Louis a liar and it's up to the reader to decide who's telling the truth, but that's a discussion for another time.)

People can always argue about which is worse, physical abuse or emotional manipulation, but the bottom line is, BOTH Lestat and Armand do fucked up things in the name of loving Louis and Louis does some awful things to them in return. Fans should be free to ship either or both without being harassed or mocked for it.

As for the people who cross the line and attack Sam or the writers, I hope I've made my stance on that clear enough— anyone who spreads Lestat hate or god forbid Sam Reid hate gets either called out or blocked if it becomes clear that they are unreasonable or trolling.

But targeting Loumand shippers specifically is not fair because those two are not one and the same. So like anon 1 said, maybe we should label those people Lestat haters and leave Loumand shippers alone.

[night-dark-woods]

2, 7, 21, 24? :]

oooh thank uuu okay im gonna do destiny b/c thats the main one we have in common w/ a large enough fandom for these to be relevant so:

2. a compelling argument for why your fave would never top or bottom

okay so this is an unpopular opinion i think however imo sjur&mara are stone butch/femme & mara exclusively receives!!! i wont die on that hill but i AM correct.

also this is on the d/s side which is separate obvs but i also think they would be into, and imo mara is absolutely not a dom, goddamn that girl has the weight of the entire fucking human race on her scrawny little caffeine-fueled shoulders, i doubt she'd actually want to be in charge during sex too (at least w/ sjur), though im sure she'd pretend she was lol. brat extraordinaire.

7. what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

asher... im sorry but i simply don't care about that man. only interesting to me as he is in canon which is a horribly bitchy twink who has a great wlw/mlm solidarity bond w/ eris. that post about how every dyke has a fag they are fated to be besties with? that's them. to me. everybody seems to want him to be a sad elf prince or whatever tho.

i thought abt answering cayde or crow but tbh that nathan fillion character archetype activates my fight-or-flight and the Nice-Guy-ification of crow in canon has made me hate him lol.

21. part of canon you think is overhyped

is it cheating to say cayde. im happy we'll see him again but ONLY for ikora's sake that girl deserves closure finally.

also the witness... i simply dont care. this is also bc i am a seth dickinson fan first and destiny fan second but. i Do Not Trust what they are doing with the Light & Dark saga without SD and when the Gardener and Winnower were mentioned in the seasonal cutscene i wanted to fucking bite someone.

24. topic that brings up the most rancid discourse

god u already know what im going to say but god forbid women do anything. *takes mara away from everyone and puts her back on a shelf only SD can reach* i know its not unique to d2 like this happens with any morally gray female character but the stuff about mara is truly some of the most stupid.

and the worst part is it makes it way into shit like destinypedia!!! look at this fucking line from the uldren page it makes me want to kill someone:

"Despite this, Crow is more perceptive than he appears as he was able to see that Mara Sov was attempting to manipulate him just like she would when he was Uldren. As his memory wipe freed him from Mara's psychological conditioning, he sees her for what she really is and thwarts her attempts to regain control of him, and the tunneling device Mara planned to use to groom Crow further becomes infinitely more useful as one of the Young Wolf's many weapons."

tell me you havent read a single fucking lore book without telling me that jesus fucking christ. biting and killing biting and killing biting and killing. oh yeah "wanting to prove yourself to your older* sibling" is the same thing as being groomed. shut the FUCK up.

*i know they are twins. they are not treated like it.

[memeghancr]

.

[that-thing-that-feeling]

Sorry for the huge rant but I like reading your takes and others’ takes. This isn’t about the characters themselves, but just annoying ass fandom behavior. I don’t want to come off as personally shitting on Steve, but I strongly dislike the way certain kinds of stans do the most to dickride Steve as the Most Character Ever while showing disregard for other parts of his canon character as well as disregard for other characters.

- Being misogynistic towards Nancy; either treating her like Steve’s entitled to her for a romanric relationship or demonizing her because ‘she doesn’t deserve Steve’, or demonizing her because she’s getting in the way of other Steve ships; people who look at the six kids + Winnebago scene and think he and Nancy should get together just make it happen for beloved Steve without taking into account *Nancy’s* dreams

- I’ve seen people try to co-opt parts of Jonathan’s character for Steve while simultaneously shitting on Jonathan; people wanting Steve to act as the older teen ‘dad’ for Will and El, forgetting Jonathan has acted more of a dad for Will in his life than Steve, acting like Steve is and has always been the only important big brother protector on the show

- A bit petty, but I saw someone on Twitter be so offended on his behalf regarding Jonathan’s “Steve? [chuckles]” like “Jonathan’s loser ass speaking on Steve”; I promise you girl, Steve will recover from this devastating blow (re: lightest ribbing ever) coming from a character who has literally never gotten to even see him in a long time 🙄

- Steve hasn’t been an underrated character since S3 (he is perfectly rated now) and yet some people will still call him underrated despite so many other characters being less talked about than he is. As if Steve doesnt have mountains of fan content on the daily and a near 100% approval rating, meanwhile I have to take a fucking gamble sometimes clicking on the few threads where someone mentions the likes of any non-El member of Cali gang (e.g. Argyle my new comfort character) because idk if people are appreciating said member or shitting on him in the comments

- Downplaying Steve’s growth by sugarcoating his S1 behavior. God forbid we let complex characters act like flawed people and have asshole moments and have autonomy but Steve has just never done anything wrong ever 🥺 it’s just mean ol peer pressure, or it’s all Tommy and Carol’s fault—or if it’s not, then Steve was just in an uwu vulnerable state when he was trying to actively pick a fight by following and shoving Jonathan from behind, and talking shit about his family when it wasn’t even about his relationship troubles with Nancy anymore

Like, I love Steve. I fucking love his development, I love how far he’s come. I just don’t think his particular character is a whole ass god amongst other characters in the show that requires a lot of coddling and throwing those other characters under the bus

Oof wow yeah I agree with all your points here, altho I don’t think it comes down exactly to loving Steve (of course fans should love Steve, and he’s a fan fave, and fave for many). But it does seem to often turn into fans pitting characters agst each other, raising characters to the level of saints instead of seeing them as flawed/layered, feeling the need to tear one character down to raise the other. It’s all v annoying and the fandom could be so much better about it!

[nightswithkookmin]

Goldy I never thought I would reach out to any Jikook blog but after your last post I have to. I am an east asian american and trans. I have never spoken on this issue, commented or posted about this. I am a Jikook supporter but sometimes Jikook supporting blogs don't feel like the friendliest place. I want to thank you for changing my opinion on that. It is an insult to BTS to say Jikook don't know they seem gay or that they don't know what gay looks like. It is an insult to fans like me to say it would be OK to do the things they do if they were cisgendered straight men. I personally saw a few people say or dance around this and they got intimidated by big blogs for it. I would never name names because I beleive in free speech and the right of people to express themselves, as long as it isn't hate speech. Supporting lgbt people and making sure they don't feel endangered is MORE IMPORTANT THAN STANNING A KPOP BAND and I say this as a 4 year long bts and Jikook stan. So many people don't want to touch this issue and I understand why.

But thank you for supporting ACTUAL lgbt people as well as bts and showing stubborn people that BTS mean gay rights when they say gay rights.

I don't know why but this Ask made me cry...

I've been reading it over and over for the past two days and each time I feel humbled by it. Thanks so much for sharing this with me.

I think the era of the obsessed 'kids' and '13 year old shippers' in this space is coming to an end. I think it's time for a more nuanced mature conversation on what it means to ship and stan our faves in today's sociopolitical climate.

Let's intellectualize shipping and use it as a vehicle for social change not just pleasure. Sabotaging political hashtags is a start. Trending and donating to BLM is equally important. Fighting for gay rights and recognition is the next step and a natural progression from here- and about damn time!

Gone are the days where celebrities and idols were immune to accountability and personal responsibility. We live in a world where everyone is required to be converstant in and sensitive to social issues. Awareness is woven into our collective consciousness and for some of us we cannot divorce that from our pleasure receptors.

Hate to quote my pastor but, 'As a kid, I spoke, thought and reasoned like a kid. As I grew up, chilee darling, I put my ghetto ways aside. You feel me?' Lol. Yea, my pastor hood like that. Lol.

The fact of the matter is, BTS has a higher mature demographics now. Majority of us grew with them, if not past them. They are not seventeen anymore, Jin is almost thirty, the youngest in the group is past twenty three and majority of their fanbase are breaching Young Adult well into Adulthood and beyond.

We simply cannot view them with the same lens anymore. If we did, we would be infantilizing them if not enabling them.

We ought to be able to have certain conversations that reflect our age, hearts, backgrounds, experience, values and beliefs.

We can't sit behind our television sets and smart phone screens in this day and age and assume BTS sat through a performance like this and did not for a second think about what it meant, why the crowd cheered at certain moments or even understand the impact, message and intent behind it- especially not when Halsey, an openly bisexual woman and advocate for LGBTG rights is an acquaintance of thiers.

I don't know how a fraction of this fandom can assume BTS would have a collaboration of this nature and not know anything about the gay rights discourse or what queer baiting is or not consider how their actions may or may not be contributing to the marginalization of persons as these- to not have agency and personal responsibility or empathy.

JK cannot stan a gay artist such as Troye Sivan and divorce his music from his sexuality because it flows from it. Not when Troye has openly spoken about the struggles he went through as a closeted gay man, coming out and how that affected his mental health.

JK knows what gay is, he is aware of the struggles queer people face on a daily. His decision to cover, license and recommend songs by this artist is a deliberate act coming from a place of being informed on the matter.

Jimin knows. RM knows. Suga knows.

BTS cannot prepare a speech like this while oblivious to the plight of the LGBTQ plus community. I refuse to believe that simply because it's not true. Anyone who says otherwise is a scammer. Lol.

And I think they are intelligent enough to have cognisance of the fact majority of the world view certain aspects of their home culture as problematic and non-progressive and that this same world is watching them and what they do in this space matters.

They are part of the conversation. And it's in their interest to present themselves as queer a queer friendly band and company by distinctifying themselves from these 'traditional' Kpop bands.

I believe they know that being woke gives them a competitive advantage as MCs and advocates for the youth in today's world.

I believe they are aware certain things in their 'fan service culture' doesn't fly in the space they compete in and want to compete in. They are competing and rubbing shoulders with top LGBTQ plus advocates, sharing seats with them at awards, standing next to them- they best to look sharp.

It's obtuse for anyone to fall on the 'culture' rhetoric to excuse certain behaviors of their idols when actual queer people from and within that same culture fight against it.

Most S. koreans I know and have come across complain about their 'culture' and some even harbor strong resentments against this whole fanservice culture.

Holland, an openly gay Idol from South Korea, has equally spoken out against the 'fan service' culture prevalent within Kpop on several occasions and laments how it depoliticizes queerness and affects actual queer people within S.K.

And isn't it funny that the same conservative Christian population who strongly oppose homosexuality in S.K often lead online campaigns against Jikook for 'promoting homosexuality' because of certain fanservice and skinship they do?

If skinship is normal and fanservice is culture, why does conservative S.K keep pushing back against it? It's their culture uno?! Lmho.

Queer south Koreans and conservative Christians hate fanservice culture and yet here we are using their culture to defend it as if it's all black and white. Lmho.

Did they or did they not see South Korean's reactions to this performance by Jikook? The mixed feelings most had about it?

Men can nibble on men's ear but God forbid they toss them in the air and catch em💀

South Koreans are not a monolith. Their culture is nuanced like any culture. It's not static and not clear cut black and white either.

It's one thing to respect other's culture, it's another to perpetuate it in ignorance. Perpetuating their culture and being religious about it does not allow for the dynamism inherent in their culture.

Troye Sivan talked about how he'd stop in the middle of his concerts and performances upon seeing the hyper fangirls in the front row and then think to himself, 'I know they know I'm gay, so why are they still here...'

And this was before he came out.

Jikook know we know they are queer or that we think of them as queer. When Jimin talks about 'those that love me for me' he knows exactly what he is talking about or rather who he is talking to- it's not these hets I'm afraid.

Troye also talked about being privileged because he lived in a rather queer friendly neighborhood where everyone is gay and so he'd always felt safe coming out.

Isn't that what JK is doing?

Now this is a person who's without a doubt had a lot of influence on JK in his early formative years as an Idol right down to his decision to move into a much queer friendly neighborhood of Itaewon.

They know we know. Jikook is gay.

Thankfully, there are reports of a rising number of LGBTQ plus in South Korea, a lot of allies, a lot of queer folks coming out and a lot of companies opening up to working with gay idols and aspiring idols.

It's such a relief but a lot of work still needs to be done and I stand with them on behalf of Jikook and any queer folk in SK.

My sister is helping me reach out to an LGBTQ plus advocate from Seoul for an interview for my blog. If everything goes well, I'd love for her to share her thoughts on queer passing, queer baiting and fan service within Kpop and how that affects LGBTQ youth in South K.

It's a conversation I'm really passionate about and interested in.

I love me some ships, but I also love me some queer advocacy and human rights uno? Lol.

Thing is, I may quit BTS one day, but I can never quit being me. Being human. Always put the human first is my motto.

Oh and I hear people are plotting to cancel me? Chilee. Y'all do that but:

Let it echo.

Signed,

GOLDY

[normal-thoughts-official]

Ur take on a malec beauty and the beast au please

ugh you got me in a difficult position here because on the one hand, i do love the idea of a beauty and the beast malec au. i just think the idea of a socially isolated person who thinks themself/is perceived as monstruous and who has locked away their heart and doesn't believe they could ever be loved fits magnus like a glove. but on the other hand, i don't want to make magnus, a brown character, animalistic, for obvious reasons. and i can't really think of a way to make him monstruous that doesn't fall into animalization/beastification (both racist tropes) or ableist tropes

so i'm thinking... maybe the spell is just that people are repulsed by him/fear him automatically? like it just creates this horrible almost impossible to ignore repulsive/fear/"fight or flight activating" aura around him for absolutely no reason and makes ppl be repulsed and/or hate him. even if it doesn't change his appearance at all. it's not really a changing or shifting spell, more like a spell of hatred

which like.... i know doesn't sound like anything poc/queer people don't already go through but there is a main difference which is that it makes it impossible to find a community. like even other brown and queer people look at him and feel this... huge disgust and even fear and might even hide and so the isolation is absolutely total and it fucking hurts. and besides it is one thing (a very bad thing) to walk around and have to be on constant alert because you never know if someone is going to be violent, and have to deal with occasional comments and disgusted reactions... it's another to consistently have like, children screaming and people cowering 100% of the time without exception, you know? he's basically living the life ppl with social anxiety think they live and he has nowhere to turn to, no one who understands or who's more likely to actually want to talk to him because of his differences. there's no one to lean on. even the people who love him aren't immune to it, even if of course they are not turning their backs on him

so anyway here are my thoughts: this was totally done by camille lol beacuse the whole backstory about being mean to an elderly lady doesn't fit magnus anyway and also i just like sprinkling camille angst where i can. so after magnus finally got himself free of her and her stupid claws she hexxed him back into isolation. both as punishment (a kinda "if you don't want me, then you have no one" logic) and just to make him more vulnerable because again, abusers want you alone and isolated and away from a support network so you are more dependant on them and more likely to buy into their thwarped logic if they can immerse you in it. so she's just trying to manipulate him into getting back with her, because she wants him and most of all his power

and basically you know the drill, if he doesn't find anyone who will love him romantically until the rose withers yada yada he will die. and again she just wants to make the spell so it constantly drives home how alone he is and how he can't find anyone who will love him (except for her), and make it so he's more and more likely to come back to her as time goes by because then the spell will be broken

(sidenote: camille obviously doesn't actually love him, because anyone who does that to someone doesn't love them. but as the one who cast the spell, she can lift it whenever she wants. so all she has to do is kiss him and lift the spell and be like "see, magnus? who else would love you like this, but me? even after all these years?". and honestly if it had come to that magnus would know she was lying because there is no way this is love, none. but anyway it doesn't come to that, that's just what her plan is)

anyway it still doesn't work because magnus is done and he won't get back to her, and he particularly doesn't want to get back with her after, you know, all this trashfire. and he just sets his jaw and is like "fine" and accepts that he will live however long he still has with his friends and people he loves and away from her, basically

and like gosh sidenote but this would have been so painful for his friends. camille very deliberately made it romantic love because she knows magnus has so many fucking people who love him, but him and the immortal squad have found family dynamics, not romantic ones. so there is nothing they can do even though their love for magnus is just... so real and pure and they hate to see him like this, hate to know that right when he finally got rid of her she made sure he still couldn't go out in the world. especially since magnus has always been so damn sociable, loved to be surrounded by people and to meet them and care for them. but here he is, walking as hidden as he can and with his head down avoiding eye contact because he knows the horror is there and some children run away screaming when they see him

and i just picture this desperate little scene with raphael in particular where he's just like.... "i'll try to kiss you. we have to try" and magnus is all, "my boy, you don't even like kissing, and she was very adamant that it had to be romantic" and raphael is almost in tears like "but i do love you, goddamn it! i should be able to undo this spell" and it's so sweet that he's trying and willing to be in this really awkward position where he kisses (yikes) magnus (which is just weird especially since magnus is kind of a father figure to him) because he's just... so desperate to have him free of her, finally, once and for all, you know?

but obviously it doesn't work, not even with dot, who had a kinda fling with him in the past but doesn't really feel Romantic Love™ for him even though she does love him, it's just... not what the spell requires. and it's unfair as hell and there are lots of tears but just the fact that magnus falls asleep surrounded in a teary cuddle pile after some of the absolute worst kisses of his life because his friends/family love him enough to put themselves in such an uncomfortable position in the hopes of making him free, is enough to make him feel a little better. and the fact that they are still there for him and obviously still love him so fiercely even though looking at him now literally evokes fight or flight instincts in them is already more than anything camille could ever give him. if anything, she's proven how loved magnus is

and that helps him get through it that day and is something he tries to hold unto in the worst days, but still, it's hard and it just... sucks. it's tiring to go out in the street and always have people staring at you and to see the horror in their faces and be so isolated and never really know what might happen, if he will be attacked or harrassed or what exactly will happen. so he isolates himself more and more and soon the only people who ever see him or visit him are his friends. and fuck, do they hate seeing him like this

things settle in a weird kind of way. magnus is still living his life and working as a wizard and etc and in a way the spell even helps him have some more credibility because you know, isolated scary person is kinda what ppl expect from wizards. but he avoids having contact at all costs and mostly sends the potions they request and stuff their way, and the only ppl he sees are his friends unless he absolutely can't avoid going outside. and he's fucking miserable. and every once in a while camille will come back to be like "so, magnus, are you ready to stop with this little tantrum of yours and come back to me now? how is the rose doing, by the way?" because god forbid he catches a break

also it turns out that magnus' adoptive streak becomes even stronger because he is 1- extra lonely; and 2- empathizing more than ever with the outcasts. don't get me wrong, he always has, he's a fucking brown, bi trans man for fuck's sake. we all see ourselves in the stray dogs and lonely people one way or another. but now this is turned up to a thousand, so, you know

so he has one (1) extra kind of contact in his life which is basically with stray animals (particularly cats cuz u know, this is magnus) that he finds around in need of help. they can all leave if they want, but a lot of them stay, particularly the black cats, disabled animals, and others that have a particularly hostile environment outside. you know

(not me again with my very specific hcs about deaf pitbulls who fall in love with my faves but LOOK pitbulls are very sweet and caring animals who don't deserve the fame of monsters that they have and if the idea of one being best friend's with magnus and them having a loving and caring relationship doesn't appeal to you then idk what the fuck to tell you)

this of course doesn't help his image cuz this guy is just going there and collecting black cats and snakes and has a huge pitbull around with him at all times but it's not like it can get any worse so magnus doesn't care, and besides, he can't just leave them out to die in the cold and harrassment of middle ages white ppl who think black cats are the worst possible thing but rats carrying deadly diseases are fine (and look, i know rats are also animals that get a lot of shit and persecution, but like, seriously, clean the streets)

and every once in a while there will be a person in need too, like a homeless person in need of a place to stay or some sick person who has been abandoned or something of the sort, so magnus brings them in as well and cares for them as well as he can, but also tries to maintain minimal contact because he's been burned too many times, okay

so like, cue alec! i know in the original BATB belle ended up with the beast to save her father's life but fuck that. i lowkey consider making it "izzy ran away from home so alec comes after her and they both end up staying with magnus" but i think i like it better if it's just alec who decided to leave. like he's done with the abuse both towards him and his sister and he wants to be able to live his life even if he's gonna have to start over in some other village all alone. anywhere but here and all that

and of course alec used to be plenty rich and he has a lot of skills that help him pass by - he's a good archer and hunter, he's a good leader and organizer so he could do wonders for a failing business, he's smart and cunning - but he also has, like, 2 gold coins to his name. maybe some more from stuff he took from home and sold, but still

initially he is living at a tavern and i guess i'm making simon, raphael, and maia tavern owners again! i don't even care anymore, it suits them. rapha is the cook and the three of them run the business and simon also makes musical appearances during dinners every once in a while, and they are living the happy queer polyamorous life of their dreams. we have no choice but to stan

anyway alec is staying with them and he becomes friends with i think maia in particular since, you know, she is the one with the most contact with the customers since rapha is in the kitchen and simon is up the stage most of the time. plus they are both the same brand of bastard and they have an easy understanding between them that just works

and look! simon, raphael, and maia are 3 trans, non-christian/non-white (unnecessary addendum: the concept of whiteness didn't exist until around the 17th century, but whiteness as a concept came basically as a substitute for christianity [link to source], so i'm counting the fact that simon is jewish and raphael and maia are not culturally european as equivalent to non-whiteness in this context) people, so it's not like they would ever kick a gay man running from an abusive home out. but you know what they also are? magnus' friends. and after a while of talking to him maia thinks he is trustworthy enough for them to send magnus' way, because magnus needs as many friends as possible. plus, he wouldn't kick a person in need out, so unlike with them magnus can't really push this newcomer away so he'd have more company. plus, the possibility that he might fall in love with magnus and undo the stupid spell is there, i'm just saying! i'm not saying it WILL happen but why not give it a fucking shot?

raphael in particular is of course super protective of magnus and he swears to god that if this guy gives him half a bad look raphael will end him, which earns him some pats on the shoulder for his troubles and "rapha, we don't want magnus to be hurt either"s. maia says that she's been assessing him for quite a while now and she's pretty positive that he won't be terrible to magnus, but if she's wrong, she'll kill him personally too. and rapha trusts maia. how could he not? she's maia

so, they send alec magnus' way. "i'm sorry alec, but we are struggling to make ends meet *hides gigantic gold stash* and the tavern is packed *raphael upstairs stomps at maximum speed to make it seem like their 13 empty rooms upstairs actually have people* and we really need your room to give to this customer *simon in a wig* BUT we have a friend who we're sure will give you shelter if you ask, it's not very far away, and once we have a free room we will let you know". and alec is just like, okay, because he's been staying there for free or considerably less than the usual fee/in exchange for some stuff he hunts for quite a while now, and they are nice, so it's not like he can complain

and they don't tell him about the spell exactly because it is not their story to tell but they do let him know what to expect re: magnus' vibes and say it's a spell. and alec's like ok i guess. alec's very practical, he doesn't really care, and it's not like it's the guy's fault anyway. which is exactly why maia is sending alec there

so they send magnus a heads up ("magnus this guy is HOMELESS and we are SOOOOO packed can you please give him shelter for a little while thx xoxo"). alec arrives there a while later carrying like 3 prime rabbits he has hunted as a thank you gift because he hates being dependant on people but it's not like jobs abound in the middle ages, and he is actually a little embarrassed to go in and ask this guy he doesn't know for shelter but he IS kinda desperate. for now

anyway he is standing there with his 3 rabbits debating whether or not to knock on the door and magnus just opens it magically like "i know you're there, dear, just come in" so alec does and awkwardly presents him the rabbits and shit and is all "thanks for letting me stay, uh. i can help you with food and taking care of the house and stuff" even though, you know, magnus has magic and doesn't need it

(and magnus appreciates it deeply, because it is tiring to do it all magically on his own but most non-magical people don't even consider that)

and like... it is very awkward at first because magnus does NOT trust at all and he mostly just wants to keep away from anyone who can... look at him. but they ARE living together (oh my god they were roommates!! just kidding they each have their own room but you get it) so it's inevitable. but like magnus' insecurity makes him keep to himself for long times and makes things awkward, kinda like how the initial days with the beast and belle the beast was rude and kinda shitty except magnus is not shitty, just... private

and maybe the subject even comes up like "thanks for the meal alec. i'll go eat it in my room" "i mean, you could eat here if you want" "and ruin your appetite? no thank you" and alec is just like "*shrug* it won't ruin my appetite. unless you are my parents, the concept of failure, or some girl wanting me to marry her, i don't think there's a lot the spell can do to make me scared. besides, you literally have a kitten on top of your head right now and you refuse to remove it and are using a spell to keep her from jostling when you move" "her name is Fluffy, and she is sleeping!" "right, my bad" "wait did you say the concept of failure?" "yea"

it's not that the spell doesn't work on alec; it does, just like it works on his friends. but he is willing to go beyond that initial repulsive reaction that he knows is illogical anyway (and alec is the kind of guy who is just like "if my feelings aren't logical, i don't listen to them" which in this case is useful lmao). and the thing is that once you get to know magnus there is nothing about him that is scary, and the feeling just becomes completely ignorable, because humans are nothing if not adaptable. but most people don't want to go through the trouble to try, and magnus himself doesn't want to let himself be vulnerable enough to give them a chance because there IS a great chance that he will be met with some level of aggression, even if it's an unintentional microaggression

and eventually they grow closer and build trust. i think this happens particularly when camille steps in for one of her regularly schedule shoving-it-in-magnus'-face visits and alec is just like. "hey why don't you just use magic to keep her away?" and magnus realizes that he never even THOUGHT of that and like, jesus, how much has he been unconsciously torturing himself? so he does it, and he ends up telling alec about the story of the spell, which might be the first time he's told someone that didn't know him before the spell was cast

(alec: "so she's basically just killing you slowly?" magnus: "don't be silly, alexander. torturing me first is the most important part". and he sounds self deprecating and almost resigned and god alec feels murderous)

ohh but wait bonus: magnus says that she will only undo the spell if he gets back with her, he doesn't mention that it technically can be undone by romantic love or whatever bullshit's going on because he doesn't believe it can happen anyway, so, who cares

anyway! time goes by. fun fact: alec and magnus get along really fucking well. magnus is so so smart and knowledgeable and he shows alec many of his inventions that never got to see the light of day or that were stolen by someone else who wasn't cursed and took all the credit. he also fascinates alec with his magic, but mostly with his personality. there's something just endlessly endearing about this guy who is so fucking proud of his puns and so so nice and gentle to every creature he encounters, be it a kitten or a pitbull, who's letting alec stay with him for no reason other than that alec needs it

and alec is so goddamn appreciative of it because like he IS and we stan! and he's always trying to give back to magnus which is kind of a rarity, but most of all he's also extremely funny beneath the whole no-bullshit attitude, he's caring and fierce and resourceful and strong (so's magnus) and they click so well. they can also talk about their similar experiences with like, abuse and trauma without making it super heavy and they're just,,, so supportive of each other. so like yeah surprise surprise they fall in love

but they don't really say anything because (on magnus' part) that's just fucking ridiculous, he's a monster; and (on alec's part) he will put magnus is a way too uncomfortable position if magnus doesn't like him that way and they will just... be living together. and magnus will feel like he has to compensate to alec somehow and alec doesn't want that. it's just complicated when one of them is dependant on the other, and besides, alec has had very little to offer magnus so far

(no, he has no idea how much his company means to magnus and has brighted his depressed ass life. he is stupid)

sometimes magnus' friends visit and they're always just so happy for him, to see how he's hanging out more and let someone into his life after so long. it earns him a lot of forehead kisses and "i'm so happy to see you like this". and over time he starts to invite them over more as well as just open up back to the people in his life :')

angsty but also kind of fluffy sidenote: i picture that every time they kiss his forehead or cheek or whatever they linger for a little while and then open their eyes slowly and sigh like "i had been hoping that it would work this time. magnus, you know i love you, right?" and magnus is all like "i know just from you saying that, darling. it's just not how the spell works" and aaa

and like to be extra clear im not saying that alec fixes him or romantic love heals him or whatever, just that having let someone in, someone who didn't know him before the spell, and have them completely accept him and realize how much he had been missing out re: touch and human contact helps him realize how much he misses his friends and how pushing them away is stupid when they've never been anything if not supportive of him. they don't care that he's cursed. and obviously magnus was already on the way to that if he even managed to let alec in anyway

anyway! dramatic healing scene. LOOK. usually i'd be all for "they don't change back actually because people don't have to look beautiful to be lovable". like the original BATB disappointed me sooo badly because i had just been hoping that he'd stay the same way and still be loved. but in this case it's not that magnus doesn't look beautiful! it's that the spell has made him be hated by people for no reason other than existing. and breaking the spell is not changing magnus himself, it's changing that hatred. so, yeah. i'm not saying it's a deep metaphor or anything, just, you know daudhasdja it's different from the usual monster thing

and i'm torn here because on the one hand i LOVE the drama of the original BATB where everyone decides to gather to kill the beast and belle saves him and shit, but idk if it fits with the vibe ive been building here. no actually @ me shut the fuck up. you know how i mentioned that they kick camille out with magic finally? i actually had no intentions of following through with this in any way but like of COURSE she would be absolutely pissed out of her mind and want to get back in some way, we already know she's vindictive. so i'm gonna use that. this is what neil gailman meant when he said that writing is just making a rough draft and then writing it again but like it's on purpose this time

anyway! so after they yeet her camille is obviously furious and fuming and it might have finally dawned on her that magnus will NOT fucking cave and she is losing power over him, not gaining it. so she decides to play a last card and get him to almost die so he kind of HAS to take her bid, you know? so she makes up some shit about how magnus has kidnapped the lightwood heir and she's only now hearing about it, and no one else is safe and yada yada. and she has "proof" because alec IS indeed there and again the spell just helps everyone easily agree with her that magnus is That Kind Of Guy or whatever, and middle ages ppl weren't exactly waiting for a good enough reason to grab their pitchforks. and they don't even KNOW about the spell, really. all they know is that he's very powerful, secluded, and they all fear and almost hate him just from one look

so camille makes up some bullshit story about how he made a deal with the devil to become extra powerful, and that the source of his powers is the rose, so they have to get rid of the rose to kill him. (sidenote: i never understood why the hell the rose was never used as a weakness against the beast. like was he keeping it super guarded and safe just for the fucking shits?) so they devise an attack so someone can sneak up and get the rose, and camille makes up some bullshit story about how they have to destroy the rose a specific way so it takes longer and she has time to manipulate magnus before he dies. man, it's easy to be a villain when your target is secluded

anyway! big attack at magnus' house. magnus' friends don't hear about it until it's too late because camille knows exactly who they are and warned them that they were on "the witch's" side. alec is maybe away hunting when it happens? camille obviously has magic in this AU so she can check for that information. maybe she even says that she will be the one responsible for finding the lightwood heir so there is minimal risk of him revealing that she lied lmao

oh no, violence! they battle and yada yada. catarina is probably the first one to realize what is happening because i figure she, madzie, and dot are the ones who live closest to magnus'. they send fire messages and get ragnor, simon, maia, raphael, and meliorn to help. oh yeah, and alec i genuinely forgot trust me to forget about romance in a romance-focused au. but alec is the only one of them without any magical resources and he's far away and on foot, so he's gonna be the last to get there, which camille had been counting on

but alec or no alec, they can keep the attackers at bay because they're all powerful and smart and shit and a lot of them have magic as opposed to the mundanes who don't, but of course that's mostly because they are holding off on attacking and the invasion is mostly a distraction because their PLAN is to use the rose. and camille tells them all to leave once the petal puckering starts so she can "protect them from any lashouts" (have her big villain speech). and it's not like any of magnus' friends is gonna leave to go after them when magnus is dying, bUT they also won't attack camille because she's his only hope. and they won't be able to get to stop the rose plucking in time because that's in another room and while she made it slower than something that the person can use to kill him in a second it's also not slow enough for them to get there on time (maybe there's a spell against magic use near where magnus keeps the rose? just for extra safety, so the ones with magic can't portal there or whatever)

anyway. big villain speech. magnus screams in pain every time a new petal is plucked. his friends are either running to the rose thing desperately or trying to get camille to stop this madness, she's going to kill him for fuck's sake. i don't know which chooses to do what so you can figure that out i guess. and for that extra drama, right when the last petal was going to be plucked, wee woo alec lightwood arrives! and he went straight for the rose because magnus had told him about it and he figured that there was a good chance the attackers might go for it. so he shoots the person's leg or something and gets them away from the rose and yay, day saved! mostly. because now there is only one petal left to fall before magnus dies, so at the very least, his lifespan has been shortened considerably. also, he is still in pain

i'm torn about what happens to camille then. on the one hand, i love killing camille! bonding activities for the whole family. on the other, she kinda is the only one who can save him now. they all know magnus won't want to get back with her, but hey, it's not like camille wants a relationship! she wants magnus to be her asset. a relationship was just the best way to get him to do that she had initially. but magnus doesn't want to cave and be dependant of her, so, you know. but maybe they can try to convince her to stop this fucking madness, god knows how

so okay yeah no camille-killing yet because they don't want to jeopardize magnus' safety, so she just leaves convinced that either way, she wins, and this might be the best possible scenario actually because magnus will have lots of times to think it over and be real desperate and come to her and strike a deal. so, yay her! she just needs to lie to the mundanes that the mission was successful or whatever, and it's not like that's gonna be hard because magnus won't want to be seen there again, so

we are all running to check up on magnus now. he's kinda like, on the ground coughing blood, but he'll live for as long as the last rose doesn't fall. still, they all settle on trying to help him, getting him in bed, tending to his wounds, etc. and thinking about what the fuck they are all going to do now. so you have raphael and maia making magnus soup, simon running his mouth as he throws around ideas on how they can fix this, ragnor, cat, dot, and madzie (who is here now that the danger is over ofc) checking and rechecking magnus' vitals for the billionth time and trying to figure out how much time they have, meliorn using their fae powers to stop his pain. and madzie is all snuggled in bed with magnus holding his hand and asking if he wants her to tell him a bedtime story, and magnus just... feels cared for and loved

alec meanwhile i think would tell what ACTUALLY happened to the person who was doing the rose thing - i actually have thought about it and think it might make sense for it to be luke. just because i love him and it kinda fits the whole "initially sided with shadowhunters, lately became a downworlder" thing. and like luke genuinely believed he was saving a person/people so alec brings him in too and magnus is all "catarina, dear, can you help heal his leg? i would, but i don't think i have enough magic right now" because he is the sweetest man immediately wanting to help the guy who almost killed him. and luke is in awe

(and alec brings him on purpose, too, because he knows that anyone who actually talks to magnus for a little while will see what an amazing person he is. and he hopes that luke, as a mundane, can tell the others that and turn them against camille)

and after that, of course, alec sits down by magnus' side and Does Not Leave. he's just there holding his hand and talking to him and magnus' friends, who are all also kind of. sitting there, trying to snuggle up in a gigantic pile of like 10 ppl to cuddle close to magnus and make sure he feels loved and cared for and that they know he is real. madzie gets special privileges in that sense because she's smaller and also a kid, so she gets to be kinda snuggled up with him. so alec has to be content with holding magnus' hand lmao (which he is, he's just happy that he's alive and okay. and he has a whole plan to get camille to undo the spell, mostly involving getting the mundanes against her and telling her that she is only safe for as long as magnus lives, because once he dies, she will have a bunch of ppl who will hunt her down to the faces of the earth to make her pay for what she did to him. the only reason they didn't do that yet is because she can still save magnus' live, so is she really going to let him die knowing that she will be next?)

so alec takes his hand and tells magnus that they will fix this, he promises, and give a little kiss on magnus' hand. just a little peck, no deep intentions, but magnus gasps a little because he feels something, and his eyes water a little bit because he's so touch starved and tired and hurt and alec kissed his hand and he can feel this kind of ache inside him, somehow a good ache, but he just can't explain it. and so alec notices his watery eyes and he very tenderly wipes his tears away and tells him that they're all on his side, will always be, and kisses him on the forehead. and this kiss? this kiss is full of adoration and love and purpose, and magnus gasps and the wounds that hadn't been healed suddenly mend together, and the petals that had fallen go back to the rose before it disappears in a beautiful flash of light, and suddenly magnus' magic is back full force and he just looks at himself for a second, and everyone erupts into joy because holy shit, the spell is broken

and alec is so confused because again! he didn't kNOW about the whole true love's kiss thing or he would have asked magnus to let him kiss him as soon as he learnt about his feelings, because even if magnus didn't feel the same way, alec could undo the spell. and he's like "why the hell didn't you tell me?? we could have fixed this months ago" and magnus is like "i didn't think it would make a difference. wait, you're in love with me? have been for months?" and alec is like "first of all, yes. second of all, i have nothing else to say, i just said 'first of all' because i was so indignant"

and magnus laughs and jumps on him and kisses him on the mouth this time and they are both smiling and laughing into it and so so happy. and raphael is kind of just peppering kisses on maia's face too, like, "you were right, he undid the spell, thank you" and maia was never sure that this would happen but she will take the credit actually please and thank you

and they all live happily ever after and kill camille together the end i guess. god this post was so long i'm so sorry

[feitanswife]

So uh good news: due to reasons I finally have money and I decided to use it to finally play a Rune Factory game besides the first one. So I got 4s.

Less good news: I was a fool to think I could finish a Rune Factory game in less than a week. I was lulled into a false sense of security by the fact that you can chop stumps from day 1 and only have four major dungeons.

I swept the first two dungeons before I even had a monster barn and never even bothered with companions. It’s not even summer yet and I’m like halfway through the plot. I’m already planning my wedding to Vishnal and what we’re going to name our kids. God he’s literally perfect and you all sleep on him so hard! What’s a man without animal ears gotta do you get some fan appreciation around here?

But that goddamn mansion. It is the stuff of nightmares. How many monsters can you fit in one tiny corridor??? That’s gotta be against fire code or something! I finally caved and started dragging my husband-to-be (even if he doesn’t know it yet) out into the woods with me cause there’s just more monsters than I can handle in that mansion and he’s honestly become more of a liability than anything else. He just dies, all the time.

So my dreams of taking this game with four games worth of quality of life improvements behind it and stomping it under the heel of my ten plus years of obsessive and damn near debilitating resource grinding from playing and replaying the first game of the series over and over... sadly, that dream is crushed.

Could I do it? Yeah, if I played it like you play rf1! Wake up, level until you’re about to drop dead, take a bath, and level until you’re forced to sleep for your own health. But unfortunately this game has a fully fleshed out setting with important characters and meaningful events.

I have to have a work-life balance? In the game??? I don’t even have that in real life!

Also... goddamn is this game pretty.

Since when we’re Rune Factory games like, beautiful??? I mean they’re always beautiful, I’ve been hopelessly attempting to emulate their character designs for as long as I’ve had the games.

But like... rf1 was clearly made on a potato. And this game is very clearly from the same series but god does it look odd in switch graphics! It’s like when I got glasses for the first time and was like “oh god you’re SUPPOSED to see the distance that clearly?”

They clearly have not changed the Medicinal Herb graphic since the series began, and I’m so glad that they never got rid of the weird graphical discrepancy where branches change color if you pick them up! I’ve always loved that!

But now the audio doesn’t bug out when it rains, and the Orcs designs look somehow better and worse in high def (goodbye tiny stick legs ;_;)

At least there’s still the arbitrarily small character limit on the names of everything! God forbid I want to name my Woolly “Prescilla”

Tl;Dr as someone who has only ever personally played the first game in this series and loved it immensely in all its buggy, potato-graphics, bare minimum glory, rf4s feels like a drug trip right out of uncanny valley. Not a bad one, but it’s definitely much different to play it myself rather than watch someone else do it. Very fun! It’s nice to have characters who like, have personalities! And a plot that makes sense! Unfortunately I will probably be continuing my trend of shunning every available love interest in favor of repeatedly marrying my fave!

Also the mansion can kiss my ass

[vtforpedro]

First Line Game

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all!). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening line. tagged by @curiousartemis​ thank yoooou. oh boy here we go come rain or come shine (Steve/Bucky) Steve doesn’t know when he started sketching Bucky’s eyes. Maybe that time they were sitting in his bedroom and Steve was leaned back against the wall, his sketch pad on his bony knees, and Bucky was at the end of the bed. Arm on the windowsill, looking out into a hazy morning, smog covering the early sunshine. winter wonderland (Mr. Numbers/Mr. Wrench) Numbers doesn’t believe in fate, destiny or chance. He doesn’t believe that some things are just meant to be. Fates colliding, destinies intertwining, or, heaven forbid, God’s will. An odd coincidence here and there and being in the right place at the right time, sure, but not that there is anything in this world that’s ever up to a higher power’s influence. sweetheart like you (Credence Barebone/Percival Graves) Credence knows a lot of people. His work lends itself to meeting new people all the time, all over the world, from photographers to agents to makeup artists to fans. There are always new faces in his life, and Credence doesn’t remember most of them because he has a poor memory, but he does remember the people that stand out the most. emotionally yours (Credence/Graves) The summer of 1919 was one of Credence’s best. It was a mere six months after he’d finally escaped the clutches of his mother. He was finished with Ilvermorny and simply hadn’t gone back home but had gone to live with his friend in Upstate New York. love sick (Credence/Graves) If Credence is grateful for anything, he’s grateful for the summer months. He’s twenty-eight years old and working full time in a MACUSA-owned potions brewery. He brews rare potions and aids in research for experimental potions that one day might cure things such as lycanthropy or eradicate dragon pox, so it’s never seen in the world again. under your spell (Credence/Graves) Graves’ department doesn’t often get called in for magical animal activity, whether a death has been involved or not. There are other departments for it, and it’s unusual to get a request for aid from them. But after a third death Upstate in the Debar Mountain Wild Forest in as many days, for what is suspected human activity, the Department of Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures asks the Auror department to step in. While they suspect humans are killing witches and wizards, they have never seen anything like it before, only referring to it as werewolf-like but not done by werewolves. bound to lose, bound to win (Credence/Graves) There is no particular just like any other day in the Auror department in MACUSA. Each day can be drastically different than the one before it, from being stuck inside all day with paperwork and meetings, to planning and carrying out raids, to emergencies that take them out into the field unexpectedly. automaton (Credence/Graves) Percival Graves was born in the year 2287, son of a Congressman and robotics designer. His father, Silas Graves, was well known for his harsh politics in an already harsh political climate, in favor of more control over the people the way it used to be, rather than the free society they lived in now. let it be me (Credence/Graves) Credence has been acting since he was fourteen years old. His mother, once he’d hit a six inch growth spurt, decided his face was good enough to try out for commercials or small roles. can’t escape from you (Credence/Graves) Vampires. Credence has known very little else in his life. He vaguely remembers that his mother used to talk about witches when he was young, younger than seven or eight. He didn’t understand then, didn’t understand where witches were or why his mother despised them. maybe you’ll be there (Credence/Graves) It’s a cold day in Stranraer, grey clouds overhead, promising rain this evening. The smell of brine is strong here, as Graves stands on the edge of a pier, leaning against a wooden post and looking out over the sea. as i went out one morning (Credence/Graves) When Graves had been taken out of that hole in the ground, weak and malnourished, near death, he had thought life would never be the same for him. dear landlord (Credence/Graves) Credence has been living in the same apartment for the last three years now. He has two roommates, a couple, the same two who had been happy to have him come in when he was two years into his degree at NYU. The first six months with them had been fine besides some cleanliness issues, but it had all gone downhill after that. At a slow pace but downhill nonetheless, with random parties or smoking enough weed inside the apartment that he’d eventually had to threaten leaving because his clothes were starting to smell like it. Cleanliness also took a nose dive and when one of them lost their job, rent was harder to make every month. had a dream about you, baby (Credence/Graves) Credence is eight years old when he has the first dream. It’s a strange dream, where he appears on a grassy hillside, nothing but miles and miles of rolling hills and lakes laid out before him. There’s a towering oak tree nearby and he sits in its shade and looks at leaves on the ground. let’s stick together (Credence/Graves) Credence has lived in Manhattan for twenty-seven years and though it is the busiest, most populated city in the country, not much happens anymore these days to surprise him. simple twist of fate (Credence/Graves) Credence has known tough times in his life.     Living under Ma’s rule until he was thirteen and called CPS himself one night, taken away and thrust into the foster care system without knowing what that really meant for him. see that my grave is kept clean (Credence/Graves) Graves leads a raid in mid-January. It’s bitter and cold, snow piled up over the property of a large manor. It looks abandoned but they’ve known for some time that it isn’t. a sunday kind of love (Credence/Graves) Credence sits in the sprawling cafeteria in MACUSA with a chicken salad sandwich, a cup of fresh fruit, and a glass of pomegranate juice. His hour-long lunch break has just started and he’s glad to get away from Mister Ibex’s office. He likes his boss just fine, but the closer it gets to Quidditch season, the more irate he gets about everyone doing their jobs wrong - except you, Credence, he always adds kindly - and he uses his lunch breaks to escape. nevertheless (i’m in love with you) (Credence/Graves) It’s a week before Halloween in Ilvermorny and the castle already has a colony of live bats living on the ceiling in the Great Hall. Their droppings are thankfully charmed to disappear through a barrier a few feet below them but Percy Graves finds them irritating when they start to fly around in cloud-like formations. ain’t no man righteous, no not one (Credence/Graves) Credence gets the message from a Patronus while he’s sitting in bed, reading a book, to come downstairs because there’s work for him. He watches the raven disappear from the end of his bed and sighs, in relief and resignation both. --- alright!!! so I’ve learned I have a bad habit of starting with one simple line of ~feeling or description~ that’ll be explained in the following paragraphs. but I doubt it’ll change my writing haha it was nice walking through these fics tho. they weren’t posted all that long ago but it gave me The Nostalgia™ kind of glad it wasn’t all just credence/graves tbh but it makes me laugh there’s no bilbs and his dratted dwarf considering I have more fics posted for them than anyone else! but I’m at 79 fics and working on my 80th fic to publish so, oh my god. never thought I’d post this much when I first started writing fic! I feel like I should celebrate or something my fave one has to be the second one, a Mr. Numbers/Mr. Wrench fic from Fargo season one c: hey you. if you’ve read this far, guess what? you’re officially tagged and I want to see your fics’ first lines pls and thank you c:

[machi-kun]

"Iron Man 1 gets quoted so much but are you really telling me that a self-proclaimed genius needed to be directly hurt by his weapons to know that innocent people were hurting over them too? There’s no way to make weapons and be good, there’s no way to make weapons like Jericho and believe that no innocents are being hurt by them. We constantly hear about how he stopped making weapons after Iron Man 1, but he didn’t. (1/6)

He just made weapons for different people. He made Insight for S.H.I.E.L.D., made Ultron for himself, and that’s not to mention the ridiculous amounts of weapons we’re shown in the tower scene in Homecoming, that if he made that weapon for S.H.I.E.L.D. he’s likely to have made others. Tony also pushes the Accords, which are in violation of several human rights, on the Avengers simply because someone walked up to him and said “my son is dead and I blame you”. (2/6)

Imagine having to be told to your face that an American died as a consequence of your ridiculous murder bot so that you care enough to do something about it. Because he knew people had died in Sokovia but did nothing about it until a photo was shoved in his face. There’s no excuse for Tony teaming up with Ross. A man who drove Bruce Banner to attempt suicide. There’s no excuse for Tony restricting Wanda to the compound and calling her “a weapon of mass destruction”. (3/6)

There’s no excuse for him shooting Sam in the chest after Rhodey falls. There’s no excuse for him bribing blackmailing and kidnapping Peter. There’s no excuse for the vicious way in which he attacks Bucky. He never apologizes for Ultron, he says “and then Ultron, my fault” in Civil War and then in Endgame he brings it up and claims he was right, even though Ultron was a disastrous occurrence. (4/6)

He blames Stee for breaking up the Avengers when Tony himself brought the Accords upon them and then pushed Steve away when he chose to help Bucky, Sam, Wanda, Clint, Scott instead of giving up the glory of being a hero. Tony probably only asked Steve to choose between the shield (being Cap) and Bucky (keeping his family, and I mean all of them not just Bucky, safe) because in Iron Man 3 he gets rid the Arc Reactor, symbolically giving up Iron Man for Pepper and then he doesn’t stick to it (5/6)

And he thought Steve would choose the same way. His monologue in the beginning of Endgame was pretty much just Hydra rhetoric, he says “what we needed was a suit of armour around the world whether it impacted your precious freedoms or not”. Our “precious freedoms” are a human right, Tony Stark has no claim to them. Not to mention that a suit of armour around the world would have done jack shit to stop Thanos or the snap.“ Machi, I do not know if I cry or laugh. (6/6)

OH MY GOD. OOOOH MY GOD. OOOOOOHHHH. MYYY. GODDDDDD.

I don’t… Honestly, thank you for sending me this in ask format because I don’t know what I would have done had I seen this on my dash out of nowhere. I honestly can’t imagine what my reaction would’ve been. I’VE REMOVED ANTIS SO EFFICIENTLY NOTHING BUT THE PUREST LOVE FOR TONY STARK CROSSES MY DASH, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 

I tend not to interact with antis in any capacity because people who hate a character usually don’t hear to what other people have to say about that character, even if it’s in a calm, polite, and perfectly reasonable manner. My only interactions with antis have been on occasions where they come to me, not the other way around, and that’s why this kind of stuff doesn’t even bother me anymore.

Because I don’t get it. I truly, honestly don’t get their logic. I guess laughing is my pick, because I don’t waste no tears on something like this akdhkajshfkjashfh

Let’s go over this, shall we? For some lighthearted fun. 

The weapons manufacturer argument always sounded weird to me - it sounds like a very standard anti-military speech; Which I could get, if that criticism were ever extended to the other military characters, such as Rhodey, the entirety of SHIELD, and Steve himself. Because… you know… the soldier in super soldier is not just a cool nickname. Steve is also part of this war based system and people seem to be very forgetful of that fact. If you want to be angry about Tony enforcing war indirectly, don’t forget to spare some of that anger of yours for the other characters too! Make sure everyone gets their share! Oh, but Steve only wanted to protect the little guy, you say? Did you fall asleep when Tony says “I saw young Americans killed by the same weapons I build to protect them”? Is the use of the word Americans that bothers them? Enough to ignore everything else this sentence is composed of, including meaning? Also, personal morality aside - Tony is not, in any way, a war criminal or profiteer, as many antis like to put it. He is a legalized, certified weapons manufacturer, and all unlawful use of his weapons seen on screen is caused by Obadiah’s double-dealing. Ever since IM1.

And I can’t wrap my head around getting angry about a character that makes weapons in a universe where aliens are constantly knocking at your door asking if they can blow up your planet! What are you going to fight them with? Please, someone, give me an answer, because I can’t come up with any ideas.

Ultron. Aaaah, I love talking about that garbage of a movie. I also don’t understand why people pin Ultron on Tony as if Tony has intentionally made Ultron evil, when the thing inside the Mind Stone is what makes Ultron sentient, and when Tony builds Ultron with the help of Bruce with the intentions of, and I quote, “not letting the next alien get past the bouncer”. It’s the same speech, “weapons are bad! He made a weapon, so he is bad!”. But again, if weapons are not the things we’re gonna use against aliens, against Thanos, what will we use?! The Infinity Stones? Ultron was made of Infinity Stones! Where is the logic in that! I know, we’ll clock Thanos in the head with a frying pan, that’ll solve the problem akjdaslkfalskf No more weapons, everybody. We’ll just close the doors and windows and pretend we’re not home. Let’s get into a fistfight against Thanos, the huge ass purple alien, when that alien beat the shit out of the Hulk once with no problem! I’m sure that will work out just fine!

But by far, my favorite thing about antis arguments is the use of the Accords as a justification for demonizing Tony, when there is no evidence the Accords are a bad thing! No, for real! Not one! It’s all speculative! I’m sure a lot of people immediately draft comparisons between the Accords and SHRA, but the truth is, they couldn’t be more different! It’s not even that hard to realize this, so long as you’re paying attention to the canon cues. If the Accords where SHRA, Clint would’ve received a copy. So would have Scott, Hank Pym, every single enhanced person in the Agent of SHIELD series, every single superhuman. But they don’t! Only active-duty, currently present Avengers. So it’s not a register of every single individual, only of those who are currently working under Avenger’s jurisdiction. Second, it’s hysterical to me that someone would be angry that Tony is supposedly prioritizing American lives, but is okay with unauthorized American military intervention. Because that’s what the Avengers are! They are a government-endorsed and based paramilitary group, a special unit. It makes sense that they, a specialized team, are sent to deal with alien threats, because no country has a say in the legality of who gets to take the alien to court. So that’s not a problem. But when you go to a country to chase a specific person, a totally human person, without permission and you bring your special ops team with you, destroy some buildings, and then act like you didn’t do anything wrong - that is something people tend not to like, ya know. 

It gets to a point that the hate becomes a total lack of empathy. “It’s not fair that people are acting like Wanda is a threat. It was an accident!”. Had a person I love been in that building, would it matter to me if it was an accident or not? “Clint was fighting for his right to freedom, even if he didn’t read the Accords! He has the right to freedom!”. He sure does. How was his freedom endangered, exactly? By this document he never was prompted to sign? “The Accords are a violation of your right to freedom!”. Are they? Is a person forbidding you from entering their home if they fear you might destroy it, is that an infringement of your right to freedom? Do you have the freedom to go anywhere you please and do whatever you think it’s right, even if it destroys someone else’s property, or wound or kill someone, so long as you did what you had to do? “He has no right to lash out against the people who have murdered his parents or almost killed his best friend! They didn’t mean to!”. Oh, doesn’t he? Is he not allowed this distressed emotional response? Alright then. Where was that rage when Wanda, Toomes, and so many others blamed Tony for the weapons Obadiah sold without Tony’s consent?

I don’t have time for this double-standard. I’m gonna be here sipping on my loving Tony Stark juice and having fun with my complex and well-written faves, while antis marinate in their hate for 25 minutes on low heat. Wake me up when it’s time to kill Thanos with a wooden spoon or with a petition for him to leave. One of the two lksahfakshfskajfhkjsf

[punkscowardschampions]

Grace & Janis

Grace: bitch you better have hidden all MY baby pics!!! Janis: obvs my number 1 priority Grace: mhmmmmmm don't be letting that boy see me looking like that Grace: as if our house isn't cringe enough Janis: what, a child? Janis: still got those chubby cheeks, cutie Grace: ew don't even Grace: I learned how to contour for good reason thank you Janis: mhmmmmmm Janis: curse this family and its DNA Janis: [sends her all the baby Grace pics we don't have] Grace: STOP Janis: 😂 Janis: n'awh Grace: you're so annoying it's no wonder you're their new fave Grace: so who's more 😍😍 for him, mum or dad? Janis: bit rude to their old fave Janis: giving you a place to bunk, have some manners Janis: 🤔 hmm, it's close Janis: probably the mother, chatting about some art project he has to do so Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Grace: like if you're not gonna offer to do it for him, hush babes Janis: the idea of her coming at me with a 📷 got me like Janis: [suitably grumpy child pic] Grace: 😂😂😂😂 Grace: does he have to use 📷? she could just get one of her old 🎨 out Janis: oh yes, 'cos the idea of posing for a portrait thrills me more Janis: I think it can be any medium, it's his thing Grace: you only have to sit there tho Janis: not trying to spend any more time here with them tho Grace: 👌👌 true Janis: strictly dinner kinda deal Grace: I'm so sure dad made soooo many courses anyway Janis: I told him to be chill Janis: so naturally he hasn't Grace: ugh Grace: do not miss his dinner time check ins Janis: its only been a couple of days Janis: wouldn't get comfortable not missing anything Grace: UM can you not remind me that I have to come back Grace: so rude Janis: 🙄🙄🙄 Grace: cute that you miss me tho hun 💜 Janis: like I'll be here hun Grace: you invited him there 🤞🤞 that you EVER see him again Janis: no I didn't Janis: I wanted them off my back, that's the plan Janis: now and I can leave and they won't freak Grace: he's still meeting them Janis: ? Janis: he'll get over it, it's one night Grace: !!! & 😱😱😱 Grace: it's mum & dad how long do they even need to make you wanna die Janis: it's more funny when you don't care Janis: worry about yourself Grace: I'm fine thanks so much Janis: were you waiting to talk about yourself Janis: 'cos go ahead Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: never stopped you before Grace: excuse you Janis: hm? Grace: really nice catching up, babes Janis: hm Grace: see you soon or not Janis: toodles Grace: 💜👋💜 Janis: call off your bitch, will you Grace: ??? Janis: who do you think Janis: why does she even watch my stories Grace: idk or why you think I haven't already told her to get over it Janis: fuck's sake Grace: why do you even care if she watches your stories? literally everyone is rn Janis: I don't care if she watches but tell her not to message me Grace: I obvs will but she obvs isn't gonna listen to me Janis: if she doesn't she's getting a slap Grace: LOL Grace: you know who her dad is, you can't Janis: no I don't Janis: though she'd like to think everyone does Grace: OMG just block her Grace: you wanted mum and dad OFF your back Grace: literally why bring him to dinner to start more drama Janis: they don't like her either Janis: it's not drama Grace: Duh she'll cause it if you hit her Janis: then she better shut up then hadn't she Grace: what's she even saying? Janis: does it matter Grace: if you want me to message her after days of not Grace: like I'm gonna just hit her up without knowing anything Grace: I'd look mental Janis: you know what Janis: forget it Janis: god forbid you inconvenience yourself however slightly Grace: OMG just tell me Janis: it shouldn't fucking matter Janis: let her tell you since you're so keen to side with her already Grace: I can't even take sides if I don't know anything Janis: I'll sort it myself Grace: by fighting her Grace: for god's sake Janis: and what Janis: your approach has worked so well? Grace: okay so it's all my fault Janis: thanks but that admission don't really help Grace: STOP Grace: & just talk to me Janis: why Janis: so you can act like she's not your best friend Janis: that you don't know that she's been like this to me for years Grace: you're my sister Grace: I can give you a million secrets you can use Grace: tell me how bad it is first Janis: I ain't interesting in playing your little games Grace: so what do you want me to do? Grace: I'm literally saying I'll be on your side Janis: You brought her, you get her to go away Grace: okay Janis: good Grace: for you, sure Janis: how do you always make yourself the victim Grace: how do you have the nerve to ask me to do something & still act like a bitch Grace: you said it, she's my best friend Grace: this isn't gonna backfire on you Janis: She's already fucking me over, it doesn't need to backfire Janis: and it's no one's fault but you're own that she's your friend Janis: don't expect sympathy Grace: you think she can't do worse than a few DM's Grace: oh honey Janis: I'm not scared of her, get a grip, for fuck's sake Grace: so happy for you Grace: you know what, handle it yourself Grace: hit her, do whatever Janis: yeah no shit Janis: you've not done anything about her a day in your life Grace: yeah cos it's so easy Janis: poor you Grace: don't talk to me Janis: make your mind up jesus Grace: go away Grace: I'm so done with you & this Janis: get the fuck over yourself Janis: you were buzzing at the chance for more petty mean girl bullshit with her Janis: do something with your life and she might give a shit again, you're not using me for your in Grace: I wanted to help you Grace: until you reminded me why that's THE WORST idea ever Janis: you never help anyone Janis: saying you're nice and helpful but then never doing it 'cos everyone else is THE WORST Janis: don't make it true Grace: oh please Grace: I've never said I'm nice or helpful Janis: oh please, you do constantly Janis: you can't take responsibility for shit, it's me, it's her, it's your shitty exes, yeah? Janis: maybe it's you, Grace, you're the common denominator Grace: okay thanks Grace: you're really helpful Janis: I don't want to help you Janis: let's be clear Grace: Great, so shut up Janis: no Janis: this is your fucking fault, you should get an nth of the bullshit I get Grace: me and Mia aren't the same person Grace: if I had any control over her I'd have used it way before now Janis: you think you're any better? Janis: at least she's upfront about it Janis: got some balls Grace: 👌👌👌 Janis: you really are pathetic Grace: wow Janis: what Grace: if that's the best you can do, it's obvs why you wanted me to deal with her Janis: working with the material I'm given Janis: which is fuck all really, isn't it Janis: but no, you're known for your acerbic wit and silversharp tongue Janis: my mistake, please tell her off like you've never managed before Grace: are you like done yet or not? Janis: nope Janis: you actually thought I would ever come to you for help Janis: when have I ever needed you Grace: well you actually did so Grace: how awks Janis: It's actually awkward that you think me venting to you so you know what you started is a genuine cry for help Janis: your thing, can't take that from you Grace: if it's my thing I know the difference between venting & asking surely but go off babes Janis: Diego has less miscommunication in his life than you Grace: 👏 Janis: Genuinely Janis: you should really get help at school Janis: some kind of delay there Grace: yay we're back to how stupid I am Grace: been a min Janis: N'awh, not stupid Janis: probably a syndrome Janis: bet it's got a name, have a google Grace: 💜 Janis: let us know, get everyone to start talking really slowly at you and all Grace: I'm fine with none of you talking to me Grace: thanks though Janis: yeah Janis: that's why the only place you have to go is your sisters Janis: you've got no one but them so I'd get back on the 💜 train Janis: who the fuck would have you that ain't bound by bloodties and duty Grace: way ahead of you, babes Janis: stop slagging them off then as if you and me have a thing in common Grace: stop policing what I say Janis: say something worth hearing Grace: to you, no thanks Janis: to who Janis: already pointed out you have no one if you ain't got Mia Grace: obvs to no one then duh Janis: obvious for two reasons then Grace: sure Janis: 💔 Grace: yeah Janis: kiss and make up because everyone is sick of it Grace: 👌👌👌 Janis: Serious Grace: Chill, I'm sure she'll be my date to the vow renewal Grace: are you done with dad I need a q & a? Janis: what Grace: it's a simple question, hun Grace: literally need to talk catering so like are you done or not Janis: what are you talking about Grace: Rio and Buster being the most extra couple ever Grace: like hello? did mum and dad not fill you in Janis: you better be fucking joking Grace: 🙄🙄 Janis: if you send one more emoji I'll shove that phone down your throat Janis: are you serious Grace: like I'd make up a 2nd wedding Grace: get a grip Janis: this is bullshit, obviously not Grace: they're already married, babes, they have a kid, you're kinda too late to object Janis: fuck off as if you support it Janis: no one does, no one wants to go to that that's why they had to do it alone Grace: exactly, they could care less if I do or not Janis: well no one cares what you think Janis: it's irrelevant Janis: the point is, why have another wedding no one wants Janis: this is the last thing anyone needs Grace: cos they are holding their breath waiting for your RSVP or opinion I'm sure Grace: he asked & she said yes, that's how it works Janis: shut the fuck up Janis: this is the most selfish thing I've ever Janis: she's so full of shit Janis: it won't be happening Grace: it literally is happening though Janis: no it isn't Janis: not when she gets called out on what a hypocritical lying cunt she is Janis: see how much you feel like celebrating then Grace: as much as this fam ever does Grace: one big party 24 7 Janis: nah, fat chance Janis: they've not destroyed enough they wanna rub everyone's face in it, don't think so Janis: 3 lives they utterly fucked, there's no celebrating that Grace: not the way they see it Grace: & it's how they see it that matters to them so Janis: It's easy enough to change their mind Janis: fuck's sake Grace: How? Janis: not going to be you that does it so what's it to you Janis: roll over quicker than anyone asks, you Grace: it won't be you either Grace: he'd have to tell her to call it off for her to listen Janis: like fuck it won't Janis: someone has to say it Janis: she was here last time and she ain't no more Grace: & what did it change? Grace: they did it then & they'll do it now Janis: You're a quitter, I'm not asking you to get on board Janis: she's gonna listen Grace: If any of us told you to stop seeing Jimmy, you wouldn't Grace: they love each other, get over it Janis: and she ain't me Janis: if she cares even a degree of what she fakes Janis: she won't want another death on her hands Janis: it's not hard when what they're doing is sick and wrong Grace: stop it Janis: nah, like fuck Janis: if you cared about those kids like you fake, you'd want them taken off them Janis: the shit they're going to get Janis: and you cry every day about your shit life Janis: he should know better, his parents being what they were Grace: None of us want any of this Grace: but it's too late Janis: it's always too late with you Janis: no you can't do anything 'cos you're fucking weak and you need them all Janis: I don't need any of you, you can all rot Grace: Janis, don't Janis: fuck this shit Janis: fuck you Janis: fucking catering are you out your fucking mind Janis: over my dead body Grace: Stop saying that Grace: OMG Janis: You act like she was the crazy one Janis: she did the only thing that made any sense Janis: getting away from this toxic fucking family anyway she could Janis: you aren't even a real person and it's their fault and you do nothing about it Grace: Please don't fucking go Janis: Why would I stay Janis: why would you Janis: they have no right to miss her, none of them Janis: they all gave her reasons to get so far out her head that she'd fucking Janis: fuck Rio, fuck mum and fuck dad Grace: I can't do this on my own Janis: We've never been together Janis: you'd pick them every time Janis: you'd help her plan her bullshit wedding that's about nothing but showing off how much she gives a fuck about no one but him Grace: Give me something to do that isn't leave or kill myself Grace: I'm going mental here Janis: you should hit up Ollie, see if he's about it Janis: can be just like her Janis: she's doing just fine Grace: There's worse things to be than like her Janis: there's nothing worse Grace: at least she's happy Janis: she will be until one of hers dies Janis: then she'll be broken and pathetic like mum and dad Janis: and she doesn't have the excuse of not knowing better Janis: she helped kill Edie and then thought of ways she could make that situation even worse Janis: she's worse than them and has the nerve to act like what, some kind of mother figure doing her best for all of us Grace: She cared about Edie & she cares about us Janis: not enough to do the right thing Janis: they never do Grace: it wouldn't have saved her Grace: you know that Janis: that makes it alright then Janis: if mum did it first Janis: break her some more Janis: damage already done Janis: too late Janis: you're so fucking brainwashed and what do you get from it Janis: are you happy Gracie Janis: 'cos you're fucking collateral Grace: of course I'm not Janis: then stop drinking the kool-aid and telling me how good it tastes Grace: Rio's trying to help me, she's the only one who is Janis: yeah her saviour complex done everyone real well Janis: Junior's life isn't fucked at all because she had to live it for him Grace: I'm just saying I'm not gonna walk away from her cos Edie would want me to Grace: Junior's life is fucked cos he has shit taste in men & goes along with what everyone else wants Janis: This family loved to surround itself with dead girls it was trying to help Janis: and you're happy to be one of 'em Janis: don't pretend you want other options Grace: I don't wanna die Janis: 🤞 she has a baby for you that she won't give you then Janis: you're never gonna be the one 'helping' Janis: you aren't her or mum Janis: that is your role if you don't get out the fucking show, Grace Grace: we've established I'm not helpful, babes Janis: we've established you aren't a person Janis: even this, you can't be real Janis: what the fuck will it take Grace: you don't want real from me Grace: you literally never have Janis: you've never offered Janis: and I ain't waiting around for you Grace: Every time I try & talk to you, you shut me down Grace: you obvs aren't waiting for anything from me Janis: When have you ever tried to talk about something that matters Janis: I'm not talking to you about hair when people are fucking dying Grace: when have you ever let me Grace: you're a bitch way before then Janis: why would I be nice to that Janis: You don't like me, I'm not begging you either Grace: nothing that matters to me matters to you Janis: the colour of your fucking lip doesn't matter period Grace: that isn't real Janis: You've never been real Janis: you don't give me a fucking chance Grace: I can't be real with you cos you just make fun of everything that I say or feel or do Janis: and you and your friend don't Janis: nah, everything I do hasn't been fucking wrong to you since before we got our periods Grace: I've never backed her up on anything she said Grace: I don't call you stupid or ugly or any of the shit you call me Janis: you just call be a bitch and annoying and weird Janis: so if all of that's fake, everything you roll your eyes at because I just don't get it, just admit, you don't want to be real with me Janis: never fucking have, pretending it's 'cos I don't wear heels has always been an excuse Grace: You are a bitch and I do find you annoying and weird Grace: & you don't get me or any of the things that are hard for me cos they aren't for you Janis: that makes it alright then, you can say whatever you like to me because you perceieve yourself as life's victim and it's all fine for me Grace: we have different problems Grace: I'm not saying your life is perfect, I'm not that stupid Janis: just better than yours so why should you even try to be nice Janis: landed you with a great crowd, that Grace: you think you're better than me Grace: you literally always have Janis: no, you think I'm better than you Janis: and I didn't tear myself down so you could use me to build yourself up Janis: you aren't her and I'm not you Janis: why do you think you fell into that kind of relationship Grace: you are better than me & it makes it really hard to be around you, okay Janis: thanks Grace: it's not like any of this is how I want it Janis: how can you sit here and expect sympathy Janis: when I'm the one who's left with no one Janis: you can deal with the shit and have friends and have them, I can't do that Grace: you think I'm dealing? LOL Janis: deal with theirs Janis: and they'll love you for it Janis: none of them are gonna call you a doormat, just me Janis: 'cos they need a yes man Grace: well maybe I wouldn't be here if they did call me out ever Grace: at least you tell me the truth Janis: well maybe it gets exhausting being the only one telling the truth Janis: do you think she liked having to have every conversation be a confrontation Janis: do you think I Grace: it's exhausting being fake too if you were thinking about swapping Janis: like I said, you've got plenty of company Janis: they all are Grace: Yeah but I'm the only one getting told to see a therapist Grace: like I'd know where to start Janis: told you Janis: love a dead girl Janis: breeding and 'fixing' people when they've got no business is this family's shared hobby Janis: reason they ain't try to section me, section her Janis: take your shoelaces, where's the fun in actually doing something Janis: say you will, fucking say you have, did Janis: but never actually do Grace: they couldn't section you, you're not mental Grace: her either Janis: give her a case when I say I'll top myself if she goes ahead with this wedding, won't I Grace: No Grace: if being angry was all it takes half this fam would be gone Grace: & the wedding wouldn't happen cos he's the worst for it Janis: they should be, that's the fucking problem Janis: seperate cells, all of 'em Janis: and yeah, he's a cunt Grace: You don't have long if you really wanna stop it Janis: yeah? Grace: they are rushing but obvs won't tell me why Grace: maybe they think people will try and stop them idk Janis: Brazil one probably wasn't even legal Janis: why should I care about their kids really Janis: why should I try and help any of them Grace: they're just babies, they didn't ask for any of this Janis: maybe not but maybe those two deserve for those kids to grow and turn 'round and tell them how much they hate them for doing this Janis: fuck it, I can't think straight Janis: maybe that's enough, maybe I just won't go, I'll be gone Grace: you'll come back though, right? Janis: can't think about that Janis: I should be happy right now Janis: but no Janis: can't Grace: you can be happy Janis: how can I Janis: it never stops it never goes away Grace: idk just worry about yourself like you always say to me Grace: forget about them Janis: can't do that when you're here Grace: forget about me Janis: no I mean Janis: I can't be here, I can't be anywhere near any of you and be happy Janis: and one reason to stay doesn't outweight all the reasons to go Grace: you're saying you're gonna leave him, aren't you Janis: this isn't fair on him Grace: it wouldn't be fair to do that Grace: on you either Janis: I know that, all he needs is someone who can stay Janis: I can't do it Grace: he loves you so he needs you Grace: you love him Janis: yes Grace: he'd go with you if you asked him Janis: the kids can't come Grace: why do they need to? he's got a dad, right? Janis: no Janis: they need him Janis: and he needs them Grace: oh Janis: it's not easy Janis: even if it feels easier than staying Janis: it's still so fucking hard Grace: I love you & if you only listen to one thing I ever say then Grace: you're really gonna regret it if you fuck things up with him Janis: I know Janis: but I should have never have let him in Grace: but you have now Grace: not to be that it's too late bitch again Grace: but like Janis: bad things happened to him too Janis: happen Grace: so don't hurt him Janis: that's all I ever do Grace: no Grace: that's faker than anything I've ever Grace: shut up Janis: I don't want to Janis: she didn't either, I don't think Janis: it's just Janis: seems like the only way to end it all, all the suffering Grace: nobody wants to, I don't think even Mia wants that, way deep down Janis: you can't end other people's, only your own Janis: but causing it means you're having some effect, right Grace: she had so much love in her, that's how she could do it, hurt people that deep Grace: so do you Grace: but you don't have to be like her Janis: I don't know what the alternative is Janis: like I said, it feels like someone HAS to be saying these things Grace: I think it's this Grace: trying Grace: being honest means being honest about like everything Janis: it's hard to do both Janis: that's the problem Janis: how can you tell Rio she's a hypocritical bitch that has ultimately put herself first and tell her she still held it down all those times we needed her to Grace: I know, babes, trust Grace: cos they can both be true Grace: I hate you & I love you Grace: nothing's just a or just b Janis: I guess the thing is, they get the rest from everyone else Janis: like you said Janis: you wouldn't be here if I didn't tell you the bad shit Janis: no one would Grace: you can still be the call out queen Grace: if he's the only person who sees the real you, maybe that's okay Grace: maybe its like that anyway Janis: it feels wrong Janis: we didn't always hate each other Janis: all of us Grace: I didn't always hate myself Grace: it's just Grace: things happen Janis: too many things have Janis: that shouldn't have Grace: Yeah exactly so don't make yourself unhappy Grace: there's been so much of it Janis: she died for nothing Janis: if more and more keeps happening Janis: just makes it more true Grace: she died for nothing anyway Grace: she was 16 Janis: and if I act like it, it's a problem Janis: but Rio gets to openly ruin more kids and we're meant to be happy Janis: I refuse, I won't do it Grace: she's just trying to be happy Grace: like you want to be Janis: no Janis: you don't get to try at the expense of a helpless fucking kid Janis: that you made Janis: that's not how it works, this is what I'm saying Janis: we aren't doing this again and pretending that that's alright Grace: I'm not saying don't tell her what you think Janis: how could she Janis: twice Grace: I don't know Grace: I don't know how she could fall in love with him or any of it Janis: it's not love Grace: she thinks it is, & she let it happen Grace: I don't understand that Janis: she's selfish or it's trauma-bonding Janis: she can have either Janis: but she won't admit it regardless Grace: of course she won't Grace: so just let it go Janis: no Janis: there's consequences to the shit you do Grace: they're her consequences to deal with Janis: and one of them is that I hate her and I'm not going to let her forget that Edie died hating her too Janis: it's not enough to yet again put it on some kids Janis: say hey, wait to see how bad the bullying gets and the doubt and all of it Janis: then turn around and say why the fuck did you two do this Janis: they hurt people Janis: and they still are Janis: they should care Grace: I think they do Grace: but idk if that's enough or not Grace: or what'll happen to those babies or any of us Janis: it isn't enough Janis: they aren't Grace: what I know is if you keep hating like Edie did it'll hurt you like it hurt her Grace: you have to stop Janis: we should be hurting Janis: she shouldn't be happy Janis: none of us should Grace: we are Grace: that doesn't mean you have to ruin everything for yourself Grace: that you can't ever be happy Janis: I'm not ruining anything Janis: it's ruined Janis: nothing has changed Janis: so no, we shouldn't be happy Grace: Edie literally wanted you to be Grace: & we were 12 so much has changed Janis: like what Grace: like you letting someone in Grace: being happy even if you think you shouldn't Grace: we're talking now that wouldn't have ever happened Grace: if you hate me more than you did 4 years ago that's still change, babes Grace: you can't stand still for her Janis: I'm not going to pretend we're blessed to live to make more mistakes Grace: do better like everyone says they are gonna but don't Janis: no thanks Janis: I'm not righting all this family has done wrong Janis: that's what they think they can do Janis: Rio and Buster, and they've already failed Grace: I'm not even talking about them though Grace: just do better for you Grace: stay with him, feel something idk Janis: I don't know if I can Grace: I can't answer that for you Grace: do you wanna try or not? Janis: It's not that simple Grace: with that attitude no Janis: no, it just isn't Janis: you haven't been in love, have you? Grace: no Janis: well it's like Janis: sometimes what you want, and even what they think they want, might not be what's right for them Janis: and if you really loved them Janis: you'd want what was best for them, wouldn't you Grace: you are what's best for him though Grace: I've seen you together, wayyyy more than I wanted to Grace: & I lowkey stalked him before that so Janis: lowkey is debatable Grace: thank you for focusing in on the right thing OMG Janis: I'm not trying to be a cunt for once right now but you know Janis: I don't think you can say what's best for him Janis: me either, really Janis: idk Janis: I wish I did know then I'd just do it Grace: so let him say it Grace: be there to give him the chance like Janis: that's not me Janis: I can't be the one getting left Grace: & he can? Janis: no Grace: so do you love him enough to let him really hurt you or not Janis: its all stupid anyway Janis: we only just met Grace: I don't think that's the point, babes Janis: it is, even some of yours lasted longer than this and you weren't in love with them Grace: hello I'm fake Grace: & a hoe Janis: I didn't intend to be real Grace: he can't do fake that's not your fault hun Grace: his face is a dead giveaway like literally always Janis: you can take hints then Janis: just ignore 'em Janis: good to know Grace: I'm not brain damaged Grace: you just wish I were Janis: why would I want that Janis: sounds dead irritating, if anything Grace: cos otherwise I'm just stupid Grace: no excusing that Janis: you're not you're just infuriating Grace: cute but yeah I am Janis: nothing cute about it Janis: it's ugly all the shit you pretend Grace: duh it suits me then Janis: yeah yeah Grace: yeah we can pretend that's why no one wants me instead of what the truth is Janis: what's the truth then Grace: that I am just ugly Grace: so my personality might as well be Janis: nah Janis: truth is, you don't wanna die, like you said Janis: if that's what it takes for you to survive Grace: I'm too scared, like I am of a lot of things Grace: but like I also said, things change Janis: it's scary Grace: if I ever do it get mum's old oujia board out & I'll let you know what happens next Grace: like a liveblog Janis: oh great Janis: here's me thinking I'd get some peace and quiet, like Grace: EW what if heaven's like a really amazing nightclub vibe & they don't let me in Janis: what do you wanna go to heaven for Janis: it's like here without all the interesting bits Janis: at least hell is offering a bit of something new Grace: UM cos I'm not into bdsm unless the boy's like really fit Janis: you'll be fine then Janis: Lucifer is famously too hot for heaven, like Grace: oh yeah I totally forgot Janis: grand scheme of bible teachings, probably encouraged to be a bit quiet on that one Janis: black nan be buzzing Grace: catch me sinning really hard from now until I kms so he's into me Grace: sorry nan Janis: really gonna try and be his favourite sinner Janis: 😏 Grace: You'll love it cos I promised Rio no boys & she'll be really 😠😠😠 Grace: 💜me perdoe, irmã eu tenho que pecar💜 Janis: 😂 Janis: gonna point out that there are 7 other sins Janis: and those are just the deadly ones, like Grace: yeah but like Grace: it's the one that'll get his attention easiest Grace: boys are so quick to get jealous Janis: the devil has and always will be a gentleman, babe Janis: not a fuckboy Janis: rethink the tactic probs Grace: excuse me that gluttony & sloth aren't moods for an attractive corpse Janis: hello it's your soul you're taking Janis: not a zombie fuckfest Grace: UM I still need all my exes devastated at my funeral thanks Grace: don't let anyone touch my hair though or I will haunt you Janis: ha your plastic weave gonna be there long after the rest of you is dust Janis: as for your exes Janis: got to think numbers Grace: RUDE Janis: alright for you to say, you won't be handing out sausage rolls to however many identical unimpressed looking white boys Grace: neither will you Grace: a glance to check I'm in there & you can go, babes Janis: oh please Janis: can't make me go to this farce of a wedding but doubt I'm getting out of a funeral that easy Grace: I'll literally write in my will so bye bitch Janis: cute you think the dead's wishes are getting honoured around here Janis: whether she wanted us to be miserable or happy, we're all doing shit regardless Janis: can't say she wanted us to muddle through ad infinitum Grace: she still died we can't just move on ASAP Janis: why it's better to be team miserable Janis: a case can be argued even if we aren't committing enough Grace: I'm sure your bf will be down his face is always 😒 Janis: you fancy him not me Grace: ew Janis: mhmm Grace: you can go ahead and put that wayyyyy into past tense thanks so much Janis: 😏 Janis: convincing Grace: I literally only wanted to hook up with him Grace: not gonna do that now so Janis: that's all you do with any boy so Grace: duh Grace: he's only special to you Grace: no boy is to me Janis: don't be gay Janis: x2 Grace: don't be homophobic Grace: it's gross & retro Janis: whatever Janis: every gay I know is a twat Janis: tell me it ain't related Grace: same tbh Grace: 🤔🤔 Janis: doesn't help they're related to me and all but when I'm right, I'm right Grace: you don't know any others? Janis: dunno anyone do I Janis: if you cunts are boring, not like the ones at school are any better craic Grace: idk who you hang with now bitch Janis: 🙄 Janis: yeah decided I want loads of mates Grace: you got a bf so who knows Janis: told you that was a mistake Janis: accident, whatever Janis: not a habit Grace: you could be making friends by mistake Grace: obvs so likeable Janis: I'd rather not Grace: 👌 Janis: every twat's the same 'round here Grace: true Janis: nah no more people Janis: undecided what I'm doing as is Grace: it's a mood Janis: bollock Janis: you hate being alone, famously Grace: duh but idk what I'm doing Janis: hiding at Rio's rn Grace: thanks Grace: not what I meant tho Janis: then you'll have to be more specific Grace: whatever Grace: how are there no parties tonight??! ugh Janis: probably for the best Grace: it's really not Grace: school's gonna start soon Janis: astute Janis: you check the calendar Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Grace: do you know of any I don't? Janis: wouldn't tell you if I did Grace: that's so rude Janis: forgot why you've got a pity sofabed atm or what babe Grace: that wasn't a party & I wasn't gonna invite him to be my date tonight Janis: makes no odds, and dates a pretty loose term for 'you can frig me off in a random's lounge whilst their parents are out' as well Grace: it is shorter to type though so Janis: ha Janis: hilarious Grace: no just why I used it Janis: stick to babysitting Grace: I'm going out it'll just have to be somewhere else Janis: not doing this again Janis: got things i need to do now thanks to this awful fucking news Grace: not stopping you Janis: yeah right Grace: literally can't Janis: if you didn't want stopping, you wouldn't fucking tell me Janis: not after last time Janis: but I'm telling you, I ain't gonna be in any state so leave it out Grace: excuse me if for someone with no friends you have a lot of party invites Janis: called being likeable Janis: try it Grace: obvs & I obvs can't Janis: you don't try very hard Grace: LOL Grace: like I said, being fake is exhausting too babes Janis: well stop Janis: that's why no one likes you Janis: you're too much it weird everyone out Grace: I literally just said I can't Grace: but thanks Janis: how hard is it to shut your mouth for 5 minutes Grace: for you very Grace: so like idk why you're telling me to Janis: cos like idk I'm trying to help you! Grace: no you're not Grace: you're trying to get me to shut up cos you have so much to do Grace: you can just go Janis: sadly not Janis: waiting Grace: feel free to wait in silence Janis: why would I do that Grace: why not Grace: so easy Janis: nah Janis: I'm likeable, dying to hear what I've got to say Janis: too likeable to be off my phone rn so you'll have to deal with it Grace: 💜 Janis: I mean it, make sure one of them is sober Janis: I've got plans here Grace: I don't need you Grace: do what you want Janis: blatantly untrue Janis: made a massive twat of yourself last time Janis: which was, by the way, 2 days ago Janis: consider you have a problem Grace: & I'm so sure I will again but like it's my problem Janis: not though is it Janis: you checked out this entire convo Janis: affects all of us Grace: read back your own responses where everything is shit & we all deserve to suffer & nothing matters Janis: so sit and think about what you've done all alone Janis: that is suffering Grace: no thanks Janis: cool just ruin my night Janis: again Grace: it's not about you Janis: yeah it is Grace: no Janis: yep Janis: already ruined one plan so tah Janis: have to carry out this one after Grace: 👌👌 Janis: in a bit, cunt Grace: 👋 Janis: you really aren't subtle Janis: you know how easily I could forward this all to Rio, like Janis: think on Grace: then do it Grace: you love telling on me it's your thing now Janis: it is funny Janis: acting out doesn't really work if you keep telling before you do it Janis: not your thing by a long stretch Grace: I'm going out it's not a dramatic storm out Janis: yeah to get fingered 'cos you hate your ugly, stupid self, by your own admission Janis: so casual Janis: so not why the therapists are being booked Grace: literally so done talking to you now Grace: this convo has gone on forever Janis: it's cool it's forwarded Janis: 4G is amazing, idk where the fuck I am Janis: still, so fast Grace: wow Grace: I'll be impressed later like Janis: won't have the time Janis: though the drive back to mum and dad's is a fair while, yeah, you could use that time to really reflect Grace: I'll obvs make it for you, babes Janis: obvs Janis: fucking sad Grace: 💔 Janis: bet that felt like a moment Grace: mhmm Janis: n'awh Grace: yeah Janis: if you don't get some standards, honestly Grace: that's really working for you, yeah? Grace: it won't be any easier when he hates you than when he loves you, you know that Grace: get a grip Janis: like you'd know the first thing about it Grace: like you do either Grace: duh why you're terrified Janis: love a bit of projection Grace: okay sure Janis: not the one that freaks out when boys touch her Grace: so Grace: you're still gonna be alone anyway Janis: and? Grace: it doesn't matter if you push him away & if I'm getting pushed away by whatever lad Grace: even if you wanna use things I've said against me rn Janis: and you're the one that can't stand being alone Grace: oh sure keep pretending you love that but I'm so fake Janis: if I was fazed, I would've done something about it before now, what with how likeable I am to boys and girls Janis: no begging from my end Grace: you love him you literally admitted it Grace: stop Janis: and that matters because Grace: he loves you too Grace: you can't act like that doesn't matter Janis: sure can Janis: don't push me Grace: You're so stupid Janis: awh Janis: you are if you think there's any salvaging already Janis: like I could stick around with all that you threw at me Grace: me? Janis: yes, you Grace: how are you so delusional actually Janis: you couldn't want to tell me all about the stupid wedding Janis: you didn't have to Janis: mum and dad didn't for a fucking reason clearly Grace: you pushed me like you always do Janis: nah Janis: you dropped that like it was nothing Grace: you were being horrible for no reason like you always are Janis: the reason is you and your self-confessed shit personality but sure Janis: if it makes you feel better about the whole thing Grace: the reason was Mia but sure blame me again Janis: give a shit about Mia Janis: it was the wedding and you know it Janis: and you knew it and that's the only reason you said it Grace: I can't take it back now Janis: yeah well me either Grace: I didn't mean to just drop it on you like that Janis: whatever Janis: you want some attention, have at it 'cos I'm about to undo tonight Grace: why can't you stop Janis: why would I Grace: that's obvious Grace: undo whatever you've done to him instead Janis: how Janis: how the fuck do you reckon I can do that Grace: however he needs you to Grace: grow the fuck up & be sorry & try Janis: go to hell Janis: you're so fucked Janis: you care more about him than you do me what the hell is wrong with you Grace: I care about you Grace: for god's sake Janis: that's why you ain't once asked where I am or who I'm waiting for Janis: stop fucking talking about him Grace: cos I'm really scared what the answer is Grace: don't you understand that Janis: well it ain't Drew so my odds of leaving unmolested are slightly up Janis: though not his type, I don't reckon Grace: Every time you do this I freak out that it'll be the last time Grace: you won't come back cos either you don't want to or you can't Grace: if he's the only reason for you to stay then of course I want you to be with him Grace: I'm not sorry for that Janis: Well I can try for you but I don't think going catatonic and then bolting off is much of a turn-on Janis: 'specially not Janis: nah Janis: she kept this up for ages, good times, eh Grace: Talk to him Janis: gonna need to take this shit first Grace: Please don't Grace: I'm sorry for everything I've said and done literally ever okay Janis: yeah Janis: know you are Grace: Janis Janis: sorry alright Janis: and I never sent nothing to Rio so you can go Grace: I'll come to you Grace: wherever Grace: you don't have to Janis: I really meant it when I said idk where I am Grace: we can figure that out Grace: & I'll tell him it's all my fault, whatever you want Grace: he knows what a nightmare I am Janis: it's my fault Janis: this would've happened at some point yeah Grace: it's me, I'll fix it Grace: just give me a landmark to aim at first Janis: he was from Janis: Ballyfermot, yeah Janis: even worse than Tallaght, I remember she said Janis: don't come here I just need to Janis: aim back Grace: I can't just sit here like 🤞🤞 Grace: that's all this fam ever does Janis: shit Janis: this was really stupid he was horrible Grace: are you okay??? Janis: okay, I'll put my location on but I'll start moving, just meet me halfway Janis: one of Edie's old dealers/boyfriends Janis: said she had the right idea, yeah Grace: I can't even with that Grace: I'm in a car now so just move Janis: who is it Grace: just me obvs Grace: I'm not getting any of them involved Grace: I have an app for a reason like Janis: right no Janis: good Janis: just don't tell your uber driver I'm packing Grace: duh Grace: what are you gonna do with it though? Janis: can't just chuck it Janis: what if a dog eat it Janis: or a little kid Janis: kinda looked like some weird sour sweet you know Grace: find a really really gross bin Janis: or, could keep it and take it when he won't speak to me eh Grace: that's not funny Janis: I know Grace: I can't even breathe rn Janis: told you I couldn't pick you up Janis: tweaked driving is probably marginally better than drunk but still Grace: if he did something to you, you literally have to tell me Janis: he didn't, I swear Janis: he was just Janis: chatting about how he missed her and I wanted to ram his meth teeth down his throat Janis: bet he barely remembers her name Grace: that's horrible Grace: fuck Janis: he looked so old Janis: but I'm thinking it was just the drugs taking their toll, no way did she Janis: I hope not Grace: I don't wanna think about it but like Janis: I wanted to mug him, like Janis: show I ain't no hypocrite Janis: but I couldn't Grace: you can't do this again ever Janis: I don't wanna make promises I can't keep Janis: but like Janis: I don't even wanna take it, it smells and looks so Janis: toxic Grace: I will literally kill you if you die Janis: I don't know how much longer I can do this Janis: 4 years and I Grace: stop Grace: I'll help you Grace: I mean it, I'll do whatever you want Janis: I'm just so angry all the time Janis: and mean Grace: you can shout at me rn if you wanna, I'm already crying Grace: this driver has seen some shit Janis: people should be nice to you Janis: sorry your friends are dicks Grace: I should be nice to people Janis: fucking state of us Grace: idk how to be different Grace: it's been so long, before Edie even Grace: literally who am I? Janis: me either Janis: if I give up being angry Janis: give up her Janis: what have I got Grace: you never have to give her up Janis: I think I do a bit Janis: she couldn't make herself happy, I can't do it for myself and her Grace: she'd want you to be happy, I was so serious Grace: she was coming to see you Janis: us Grace: no Grace: she hated me & it was totally mutual Janis: but she loved you and that was too Janis: can't not Grace: if anything she was coming to ruin whatever tween celebrations I had planned cos that'd make you happy Janis: I can't remember anything about that day Grace: me either Grace: how can it not feel real when it's the realest thing that ever happened Janis: how did we find out Janis: who told us Janis: I don't know, genuinely Janis: not like when I pretend I've forgotten things Grace: I feel like it was dad but maybe I've made that up Grace: cos of after Grace: idk Grace: we should know that, shouldn't we? Janis: yeah Janis: that's the problem, right Janis: 9 kids, to tell Janis: sort of thing you want to do one on one but then some would know before ithers and how Janis: how would you do that 9 times Janis: he must've just, Janis: it must've just came out Grace: how would you even do it once Grace: I can't talk about anything ever Grace: literally not an exaggeration Janis: I told Jimmy she ran away for good Janis: not that she's dead, that we know where she's gone Grace: you don't owe him the story if you don't wanna tell it, babes Grace: everyone knows so much of our business Janis: their mum Janis: they don't know where she is Grace: like she just left? Janis: I think so Grace: how old was he? Grace: that's so sad Janis: I don't know, I don't ask he's just Janis: we've both said some stuff Janis: but Bobby is 6 so Grace: you wanna talk, can't relate but Janis: sometimes it feels almost right, like he'd get it Grace: yeah Grace: A lad once said to me 'you don't fuck like you've got a dead sister' like word for word that's what he said Grace: what does that even mean, you know Janis: people are so fucking weird Janis: does he mean you weren't sobbing at the time or that you weren't giving it your all like you've seen death so you know life now Grace: I didn't ask for clarification Grace: I just threw up and left Grace: but like it'd be nice if someone understood it, maybe Janis: nicer than that doesn't take much but Janis: maybe it's worse Janis: and maybe I'm a dick for comparing Grace: but maybe he wants someone to understand too Grace: it's really lonely getting left all the time Janis: Grace Grace: ?? Janis: are you sure you don't want him Grace: EW Janis: you'd be much nicer Grace: no I wouldn't Janis: well you wouldn't run Grace: yeah I would Grace: just not like physically cos 👠 Janis: if he fucks Mia I'll cry I think Janis: then kill her Grace: he would never!!! Grace: he hates her and she's livid about it Grace: like same but I'm relieved Janis: it's only been a few hours right Janis: maybe I can Janis: oh God, I'll have to explain the entire Buster and Rio saga if I even want to explain tonight Grace: I'll drop you off if I ever get there Janis: hope your driver isn't the kidnap kind Grace: Don't that would be the perfect end to my evening Grace: he lives by nan & grandad, right? maybe I'll go there Janis: k but you'll have to share the bed if he won't let me in Grace: lowkey would have to give you the bed cos it's my fault so 🤞🤞 he does Grace: so over sofas OMG Janis: should make Saint swap you Janis: he'd fall for it Grace: my back hurts so much okay I haven't done yoga since I was like 8 Janis: should join mother on the lawn Grace: 😱😱😱 Grace: mhmmm LIVING for any direct comparisons between me & her Janis: defs gonna slutshame her into dressing her age Grace: ughhhh Grace: how could you ever sit him down for dinner with them Janis: you know, take the piss out of them relentlessly behind their back Janis: feel him up a bit under the table, standard Grace: thanks for that mental 📷 I didn't want or need, hun Janis: soz Grace: he's hot but like you're also there so Grace: awks Janis: I won't take offense Janis: though my ego is wounded Grace: nbd I just haven't been a hoe for a while & that's obvs everything I am rn Janis: didn't you Janis: fair boy Grace: the one who left or the one who you kept blowing up my phone every sec I was with Grace: cos either way no Janis: oh Janis: well, doubt you're missing much on either score Grace: I know exactly what I'm missing with my ex thanks Grace: & I don't hook up with 19 year olds who lie to me Janis: not good Grace: like you said, this town is full of the same kind of people Janis: how is it so crap Janis: with some lads Janis: like Grace: they don't care Grace: I've spent hours memorising every clip they like but there's no getting any of the same back Janis: relatable but still Janis: felt more getting a checkup at the drs Grace: you have to put it in for most of them cos they don't even understand the layout but they'll still ask you if it was good Grace: imagine being that confident Janis: I am Janis: but not gay Janis: soz ladies Grace: 💔 Janis: don't you 💔 weirdo Grace: it's for the one hot white boy you stole by being hetero so Janis: I offered and you ew'd Janis: let the record show Grace: shut up Janis: he's probably so single now Grace: STOP Grace: it's been like a hour or something Janis: I ran away Janis: he's gonna be so Grace: Babe Grace: just make him understand Janis: no pressure Grace: well duh Grace: there's a reason I don't let boys that close to me Janis: you're saying it like I don't know Janis: not my first rodeo Janis: it just happened Grace: you know what you did, that's more than any ex I've ever had Janis: well Janis: done now Grace: Yeah Janis: should I wait or tell him I'm alright now on here Grace: I'd wanna know you were okay but you know him Grace: is it better to just show up? Janis: I think he'd wanna know too but like Janis: ugh fuck it Janis: wish me luck Grace: obvs

[kittensjonsa]

For @jonsa-week 's Day 1:

Greed ~ The Father (Justice) ~ Fave book quote (Jon, A Storm of Swords - pg 617)

Summary: Revenge was all he wanted and it didn’t matter how he got it. But Jon knew he had bitten off more than he can chew the moment he laid his eyes on Sansa Stark - daughter of the well loved and respected man in all of Westeros and recent widower turned priest, Ned Stark. 

Rated G, 2k+ words, may turn smutty. Angsty, a snippet of Jonsa, dark Jon and to be continued (maybe I don’t know yet..)

In The Name of The Father

Justice. It was all he wanted. The plans he had didn't have any room for any incidences. Nothing at all. Just get in, get it done and get out. He was prepared, or at least he thought so.

“Something troubling you, son?”

Jon jumped slightly at the call. Turning around slowly as calm and confident footsteps approached him, Jon managed a small smile of greeting. A small creak told him the priest had just taken a seat in the pew just behind his.

“Well, isn't everyone who comes here?”

A small grin and a chuckle escaped the sombre priest. “True. Aren't we all? Well if there's anything you need, confess or anything, I'll be right here.”

Confess. A heavy word worth its weight in guilt and remorse. He had a confession, truth be told but tonight was not the night. Oh the things he could tell, but he shouldn't. Not to Father Ned Stark.

“I'm sorry, Father.. but I'm afraid.. I'm not Catholic. I just came here to take a breather. It's very.. peaceful here.”

It wasn't prayer nor intercession he was after. Nor a minute of peaceful solitude. He had enough of those growing up alone.

Forgiveness. That was on his mind, the moment he stepped into the church. He feared he would vanish and spontaneously combust, on such sacred premises, for the vile things he had done but he guessed going to hell didn't work that way. Jon had a feeling he had one foot in it already.

“How could you? You animal!” Sansa's cries were acid, burning right through him.

“I fell in love with you! To think I gave you all of me, my heart was yours! A-and you.. you just stomped on it? How dare you even come here!”

“Sansa, you're not listening to me.. please just listen.”

Sansa shook her head and rubbed away at the tears that were flowing freely. Oh, how it hurts. She gave herself to him. All of her; mind, body and soul. She would do anything for him. Anything to make him happy. He was her best friend, her soul mate. But how could her feelings be so wrong?

Sansa screamed in anger as Jon stepped closer. She was done. The lies, oh God, the lies!

“No! Don't touch me! We are done! Don't ever come near me ever again! You.. are dead to me.”

No words had ever punched him in the gut like Sansa’s..Jon could only watch as Sansa ran away from him, driving off and leaving him alone by the river. The night was unbearably cold all of a sudden. Their favourite spot and where they kissed for the first time. He shouldn't care nor remember these things, but he did. Good lord, he did.

The stab that pierced through his heart was one he didn't expect. Perhaps he did love her too. .

But.. Mother. And Arthur.

He was greedy. Greedy for things to be set right. Greedy for vengeance. For vindication. But he had no right to break her heart. And for what it's worth, his too.

His happiness meant nothing if he didn't have any peace. One that would come in the aftermath of finally knowing who had taken everything away from him and getting payback. It was all that mattered. Wasn't it?

Maybe prayer was what he needed, subconsciously as what good left in him was desperately trying to claw its way out. But he didn't believe in God. What God would allow such things; what happened to his mother and Arthur, and more importantly to him, making him this way causing hurt and grief to someone he actually loved?

Pray then. Pray to your new Gods, and I'll pray to my old ones.

And they are Revenge, Betrayal and Blackmail.

Jon shut his eyes, remorseful for thinking such thoughts in such a place. But how hypocritical, it seemed to him, considering what he had done. And he had done enough. It stung him still, remembering how her warm tears dampened the palm of his hands. How her heartbreaking pleas shook him to his very core. Yes, he had done enough.

Jon could hear the priest's smile. A warm, genuine and kind smile. “Yes, I suppose it is. Well, not to worry we welcome everyone here.”

Sinners are we and sinners we shall die. None redeemed. At least not me, Jon thought.

“Thank you. It means a lot.”

His eyes shifted to the floor and held his head low before standing up to leave Jon alone. He had been a priest long enough to know when he was not needed. And it seemed to him this dishevelled young man, with dark eyes and unruly curls probably cherished his moment of solitude before he walked in.

“Nice to meet you then. I shall leave you in your peace. I'm Father Ned and I hope if you feel like you ever need a place to breathe, you'll come here.”

“Thank you Father Ned. I'll take you up on that offer.”

And perhaps.. more.

SIX MONTHS EARLIER

“What? What do you mean you can't tell me? What is it?”

Sam clicked the mouse and whirled his chair around to face Jon. He hoped he had better news to tell him.

“You've got to promise me you're not going anything stupid. You can't. Promise me, Jon.”

“All right. I promise. So go on then... Oh for fuck's sake, Sam! Out with it!”

Sam turned and tapped on the computer screen.

“That man you've been looking for all this while? The one you think had something to do with your mother's death? That's him right there. The private investigator sent me this.”

Jon grunted and glared at Sam before setting his gaze on the screen.

“So that's him. I've got to look for him then.”

“And do what Jon? Ask him questions, interrogate him? I know what's going through your mind and I think it's best if you don't.. do anything at all.”

Jon looked at the name again. And the stealth pictures that came with it. He needed to decide now. Closure, that's it. Though it puzzled him why Sam was so concerned. He knew how much he needed this. Sam, of all people.

“And why shouldn't I?”

“You're mad, angry, pissed off. You've been like this ever since you started this whole investigation thing. Dude, listen to me, just don't do it.”

“And isn't that the exact reason why I should? It's called closure, Sam. Besides, who the hell is h-”

“He's mother fucking Ned Stark, that's why!” Sam objected.

Ned Stark. I'll remember that name for as long as I live.

“So, who's he?” Jon asked, though he had heard of him before.

“You're kidding right? A Westerosi legend. The lawyer who brought the Boltons to their knees and best friend of the late President Robert Baratheon. How do you not know all this?”

Jon stared at the pictures once more and shrugged. Probably a good thing he didn't. Makes it all the more easier. He was too busy trying to survive the past twenty years or so, doing his best on the cold hard streets than to mind about politics or gossip.

“But.. it looks like he isn't one anymore. Or retired. I mean, look the photos. He's a priest, Sam.”

“Dude give that guy a break. He just lost his wife and his two sons. He's found God and maybe that's how it's supposed to be. I mean, come the fuck on, Snow!”

And I lost my mother.

Jon didn't like the tone in Sam's plea. Why should one man's redemption be more important than his poor mother's? A life snatched away from him much too soon. The years spent in foster homes, in the orphanage and trying to seek some form of solace and God forbid it, even love - was a painful sorrow no one would ever understand.

“Stop fucking telling me about this man! His life is no more important than what my mother could have had! You don't fucking tell me how that's like, Tarly. No one can and best you don't say anything about this anymore.”

“No, Jon I didn't mean that!  You know that. Come on, Jon! Jon!” Sam's words fell on deaf ears as Jon grabbed his coat and left. Nobody tells me what the fuck to do. Not Sam, not even God. Whoever the fuck they are, Jon screamed in his head.

Days went by without as much as a call from Sam, Jon knew he was smart enough to leave him be but still he wished they could talk. A text or two dinged but Jon chose to ignore them. He had more important things on his mind. Rubbing his tired eyes, Jon decided to call it a night from staring at the computer.

The research and probing had gotten a little too mundane, the more he learned about Ned Stark, the more he uncovered - which was really how Ned Stark was practically Captain Westeros, a well loved man, an upright citizen with morals of steel. There was not an ounce of dirt on him except one tabloid article years ago that depicted him leaving the scene of an infamous night club with the late former President Baratheon. But that was only because the former late President was a bad boy with bad habits, it wasn't really about Ned Stark per se.

How are you connected to my mother's death? Jon wondered. Something's gotta give, no one can be that good.

Jon needed to do something different, he needed more. He had set out to find the truth and right now, he'd do just about anything for it. Anything.

The Stark family radiated pure happiness and perfection, from the web portrait alone, one that rudely yelled out at him.

Such a pretty family.

It made him sick to his stomach, to think that that could have been a portrait of him and his mother and Arthur Dayne. His own family where he was loved and protected. Arthur wasn't family but he was the closest father figure he had in someone and the only confidante his mother trusted. Arthur probably loved his mother too, Jon was certain. They were happy and Jon's life was perfect. Just like the picture of the Starks.

Till a note found in his mother's cold dead hands with a scribbled 'Eddard Stark' destroyed everything he held dear.

And there he was, Father Ned Stark.

Ned Stark, a name that made a six year old Jon an orphan that day and since then he made a vow. Devoting the rest of his life to avenge his beloved mother. Even if it meant hurting someone along the way. He was more than willing and growing up fending for himself went on to equip him with the skills he needed. Jon had years in preparation for this.

They've got to pay, Mama. Someone has to.

“Sansa! Sans! There's someone here to see you,” Jeyne called out from the bottom of the stairs.

Sansa almost jumped and dropped the pencil in her hand. Good thing she wasn't writing anything important or else she'd have to rewrite the notes.

That's weird. Who could it be? Sansa checked her watch again and grunted at the time. It was going to be the third time she was late this week.

“She'll be right down. What was your name again? Jay, was it?”

Jon nodded with a smile. “Yes, it is. I'm actually here for the caretaker position? I believe it was posted in the jobs section in the papers.”

Jeyne eyed him warily. She didn't recall putting an advertisement out for anything lately. If Sansa did, she'd definitely inform her. Yet not even a mention of it. Jeyne didn't quite like the idea of strangers coming up to the Stark's private residence looking for jobs. Regardless of how dark and handsome they turn out to be. But then again, perhaps she might be taking her job as Sansa's personal assistant a little too seriously to care this much.

I'm sure it's nothing, just a guy looking for a job.

“I see. Sansa did mention once that they needed a caretaker here to help with house and the dogs. Though that might have been a few weeks ago and the applications are closed. But maybe she hadn't found one yet. So.. you're okay with dogs though right?”

Jon shrugged. “Dogs? Sure, I love dogs. I have one of my own. Ghost, his name is. Big large white dog. He's a good boy.”

Jeyne nodded approvingly. “Well, all right then. I have to go and leave you in Sansa's good hands. I was just here to collect some paperwork. Nice to meet you, Jay. Oh, and good luck!”

Jon waved a polite goodbye as he closed the door and resumed waiting by the stairs. Beads of sweat were pooling on his forehead. Jon inhaled deeply. So close. He was so close and everything was going according to plan. Jon knew he was at the right place and at the right time and he was mightily pleased with himself.

That is, until - he saw her. Sansa Stark.

“Jay? Hi, sorry to keep you waiting. I'm Sansa. Nice to meet you.”

Nice indeed.

Fuck.

[hokagekushina]

naroot and also hinata for ur opinions plz

wow enji ur trying to making me gush about my fave kids. you literally chose not ONE, but TWO of my favorites and i guess i just gotta go off on you buddy. this is gonna be a THESIS SO PREPARE URSELF

okay so first i’ll start with naruto. my sunshine, my sweet summer child with the ferocious desire to be loved and acknowledged. naruto when we’re introduced to him is an absolute little shit! he pulls terrible pranks, is very loud and disruptive, and such a turd. hes the worst brat ever and this child instantly became my favorite, hes so fun and also very expressive and BOASTING with energy. see naruto is very much an empathetic character, he feels, he connects with others by listening to their stories, finding bits of himself in them and relating to them. whether thats vain or not, im not sure, but i love that about him. i love that he tries to reach out despite the fact that the entire village turned away from him and saw him not as naruto himself, but as the nine tails. the monstrosity that tore apart the village and killed hundreds. naruto just wanted people to see him, to look at him and give him attention. first he got iruka, then team 7, then the rest of the rookies saw the bright light that he is and fell in love with him. narutos so warm and so full of life, he feels things so intensely and passionately. i love emotional people like that. naruto is earnest and he struggles a lot with even his own self doubt and how he views himself as not good enough. BUT GOD FORBID U EVER PUT YOURSELF DOWN AROUND HIM BECAUSE HE IS SURE TO GIVE YOU A PIECE OF HIS MIND AND TELL YOU THAT YOURE AMAZING!! AND GREAT AND COOL! narutos like that. (which also noting that lee is very much like that to him in that special chapter when he saw naruto was upset and just bashed in his home to ask him to hang out) he keeps a lot of it bottled up and throws in a smile to “im fine!! haha :D im doing okay no worries!!” when so many people like shikamaru and sakura and sai see through that, and know hes hurting and in pain. i think its important to note that he holds a lot of those negative feelings in and even he feels like hes not even sure anymore which is what makes him so human to me seeing him struggle and strive is something i think we all deeply relate to. naruto deserved to breathe as a character, maybe we couldve delve in a bit more in the deepest depths of him instead of everyone viewing him as some knucklehead who doesnt know anything and only knows when to talk and try to talk no jutsu people when in reality hes so much more. anyways i absolutely adore naruto and i love everything about him and how hes so firm and never stops believing in himself and the people around him. though yes he has quite of a hero complex and has knack of butting in but hes learning and growing into himself becoming the splendid ninja we all know him to be. also its GHASTLY that we never got to see more kurama and naruto moments because those were so much fun to see in the fourth war arc anyways. have a little bit of naruto and kurama here 

now onto my darling hinata. the most magnificent, uncertain dearest thing ever to walk in this series. hinata is presented off as being incredibly shy, having a hard time voicing her own opinions and completely budging at even the slightest amount of sharpness and cruelty. 

she slowly becomes unsure and doubts herself because of being raised in such a strict family situation that was very much full of prestige and traditions. a family that wasnt really a family at all but just full of an oppressive air. i think a lot of us who grew up in HIGHLY conservative households can relate to that. 

hinatas life is something that wasnt very good to her. hinata made me absolutely bawl during her chunnin exams fight with neji. neji vs hinata did it for me. it struck a chord in me and it caused me to cry so hard that i couldnt even read the panels, she just. she was seen as a failure, as worthless of not doing well and never being good enough. hinata became to believe those cruel things that her own self worth and values weren’t anything. that they were…replaceable and that u can easily toss her aside. hinatas own self sacrificing attitude i think stemmed from thinking that she wasnt worthy enough to live, but to protect those precious people in her life the inspiration she saw in naruto himself she realized “even if i cant amount to anything i can do this one thing and maybe protect people. to prove to people that i am worth something” which is very much how her fight with neji and even her short lived fight against pein went. 

hinata at her very core, is amazing and kind, she struggles and struggles with herself, soft spoken and well mannered i like to think she even has a hard time with how she views herself as a heiress. she is naive in the sense of not knowing fully well why neji loathed her but even then she was too young to remember the branding that took place and the abuse internally in the family. i think when she begins to discover those things she realizes and i like to think she begins to voice her own thoughts in the matter, i think when she was able to confide in neji and be there for one another it was so good for her because he was such a good role model and mentor and brother; her family and someone who was like her other half. 

hanabi and neji are the best parts to hinata and she adores them. also i feel like she very much is a doting big sister to hanabi, hanabi loves to joke around with her and holds hinata in high regards (without hinata knowing ofc because YOU KNOW big sisters cant know we deeply admire them duh). but i think there shouldve been some more in depth scenes among the hyugas and the training in the series in the manga. 

i wish we had gotten to see more of it and see more to hinata and her blossoming into herself as the character we all know and love. her becoming politically involved in a loose way in the hyugas is so vital i think she still even lends hanabi a hand and she was raised to be that way!! i just ugh i just love hinata and all that she is as a character. hinata has so much and so much to unpack as a character shes amazing and bright. let us also not forget her other wonderful family team 8 and kurenai who believed in hinata from the very beginning who knew how strong she would become. hinata is very dear to me in every way possible 

heres some cute hinata caps 

[gurguliare]

skeletontemple replied to your post “frodo + death”

I am large. I contain wildly varying opinions on how much my faves ought to suffer

skeletontemple replied to your post “frodo + death”

Don't get me wrong I fucking LOVE when Discount Heaven is creepy and morbid. I have 2 paradoxically-overlapping headcanons for this and in the other one Frodo hangs around going slowly mad and deadlike from Valinor Magic

skeletontemple replied to your post “frodo + death”

Aule has Dwarves and Yavanna has Ents and if you squint creatively and selectively ignore canon there are also Manwe's Eagles and Orome's Hounds and Morgoth's Orcs+Dragons+Balrogs+Etc why does that guy have so many creatures, anyways, who is to say that another Vala, like Irmo, god of weed and Gandalf's college roommate, didn't also leave his half-finished science project laying around back in the early 3rd Age

skeletontemple replied to your post “frodo + death”

Not that I don't love zombie Frodo but I've just definitively decided that Hobbits are NOT Men, they are Hobbits, which are a separate thing. Their soul-body relationship is actually completely different from everyone else's and Mandos considers them a great mystery,

I mean... I... don’t agree but that sounds fun? fjlsdkjgsl SORRY NO UH what I mean is more like, I need a stronger pitch than “other species exist” and “the Valar have canonically ‘made’ ensouled creatures,” since I generally like the qualifiers Tolkien attaches to the Valar’s power to do that

Also my interest in zombie Frodo really isn’t “lol discount Heaven sucks and there was no point in him going there,” as I ineptly failed to clarify in my tags, I’m just curious about whether there’s a way to incorporate Tolkien’s edgy mortals-in-Aman ~~~~vision~~~~ WITHOUT it being completely devastating, and “soul abandons the body without violence” seems like the least cut-and-dried of the three options he talks about---I mean my scenario was crack but I would read a serious fic about Buffy vampires Frodo’s soulless body alive in Lorien and the sheer strangeness of this changeless garden that forbids final partings but still contains them permanently and grows around them, or whatever. Even if that were ONLY in same the sense as like, Miriel’s abandoned shell, which no one talks about as a foul evil in need of destroying

crocordile replied to your post “luthien and/or beren + aging?”

So you don't think they were returned into their original bodies? ��

UM so the premise of my bodysharing fic, she said as though that were evidence, is that Lúthien maybe is returned to her original body and Beren totally isn’t...... but anyway I think it’s possible Lúthien was but super super unlikely for Beren. Practically I don’t think the Valar actually have physical command over a corpse buried somewhere fairly inland in Beleriand, and Beren’s body was anything but, you know, “coherent and incorrupt”---it would be one thing if their resurrection were an act of god from beginning to end but it seems like Eru gives permission and the Valar are left to facilitate? So “body reconstructed from Beren’s memory” a la elves returning from the halls seems more likely to me. ... I guess there’s no reason that Beren’s memory-blueprint would not include programmed senescence but on the other hand, humans are forgetful, and the numenorean aging thing being a universal feature of Valar bioengineering is........ very funny to me

[overwatchimaginations]

Hi, I loved that mccree x trans reader very much, could you please do mccree,genji and fareeha finding out their trans s/o is pregnant cause my biological clock might be the B/ig Be/n right now and I need to channel it into some of my faves

((A/N - I really hope I did this justice, and that you managed to survive bc omg people do not understand))---Jesse• Is absolutely over the moon when you tell him• Never thought he would be able to have children• Purely because he never thought he'd find someone as special as you to bear them• Becomes x10 more protective over you than what he already was• Is always one step behind you, in case you ever needed anything• You can't compare the joy on his face to anything else when you actually start showing• However, that's when the problems start• Jesse of course supports you with your transitioning• People in public just don't seem to understand, or want to understand• This is why you are thankful he's protective over you• At first you tried to wear baggy clothes out in public• Nobody seemed to be none the wiser• Until one day Jesse notices and begins to buy you proper maternity clothes to wear out• Strangers would just stare at you not understanding• Your boyfriend had caught you on more than one occassion crying in the bathroom• You could hear whispers behind your back and feel the stares of everyone• If Jesse ever caught someone that had acted out of line then oof• They would be in for an earful and a threat• His hand always comforted the small of your back, supporting you• Jesse is very good at sweet talk, but also managing to reassure you • You. Are. Normal. • Becoming pregnant was the best thing that had ever happened to you two• You soon learnt from Jesse to ignore everyone and focus on those who loved you for who you really are• Your baby was going to have the best parents in the world• The best daddies in the world---Genji• Is initially shocked when you handed him the pregnancy stick• Went to Angela just to confirm you really were pregnant• Not that he doubted you or the test• Just because of the way that he was, he wasn't entirely sure how the mechanics worked• A happy little accident• After calming down from shock, Genji went into full-on Father mode• Not just for the baby, but for you too• Genji did try to control you, but you knew he was doing his best• Your nights out with the guys became less and less frequent• You weren't allowed out in public without him because God forbid anything happened and he wasn't there• He immediately took your binders away from you, so they wouldn't restrict anything at all• He understood you felt more comfortable with them• But you also understood that you didn't want to do anything to hinder the baby• He would stroke you before bed, massaging anywhere that hurt or ached• Constantly complimented you on how beautiful you looked• Even if this wasn't your ideal situation• Becoming pregnant while transitioning had its up and downs• Sure you got the few odd looks out and about• You had learnt from the best to shrug it off• Your boyfriend was half cyborg for goodness sake• Which meant you looked a right pair in public, but you both passed it off and pretended to be famous• With Genji around, you felt unstoppable• When the baby came he was so excited • Holding them so carefully and gently• He also reluctantly gave you back your binders but told you not to wear them until the swelling had gone down---Fareeha • It was a joint decision to have children• You had volunteered, with Fareeha being more active in Overwatch you didn't want any harm to come to her or the baby• So much planning had to be done, in which your girlfriend's military organisation had come in handy• Cycles and times and dates had to be recorded • You had been asked several times if you were sure you wanted to go through with being inseminated• Just because you were transgender• There was no doubt your baby was going to have amazing parents• Did it honestly matter if you were the one that gave birth?• Absolutely not• Fareeha always provided for you• Whether it was a backrub, an uplifting saying or something you couldn't reach on the top shelf• She only wanted you to be careful, to increase the chances of the procedure being a success• Your next doctor's visit concluded it had been a success• She couldn't wait to tell everyone• She seemed more excited than you at the prospect of having children• When you began to swell she would do whatever she could to help• Even if it meant turning into your bodyguard• She could be a little scary• Fareeha wanted to make you as comfortable as possible during the pregnancy• You weren't really up for going outside anymore, scared of what people would think• Your girlfriend understood and never tried to push you• By the time the baby came your room was filled with succulents and flowers• This was her way of trying to bring the outdoors to you• You loved her so much• And she loved you and your baby in return

[myrelevantwriting-blog]

The Wild, 18-Minute Ride That Is Daydream Believer: A Review by a Former Teenaged Girl

Every generation has its “coming of age” movie: the movie that sees its main character through the naivety of adolescence to a catalyst that makes them realize they’re *gasp* growing up. The ‘70s had American Graffiti, the ‘80s had The Breakfast Club, the early ‘90s gave us the tearjerker My Girl (I’m still holding that vigil for Thomas J). All of these films had characters nearly everyone could identify with. Maybe you were the Cameron to your best friend’s Ferris Bueller. Perhaps you knew exactly what Jim Stark’s deal was in Rebel Without A Cause.

But then, in 1998 came a little known short film with a character so damn relatable it brings up memories you thought you buried so deep in the soil of your brain, it could only be unearthed by years of intense therapy.

Ladies and Gentlemen: Daydream Believer!

Let me start off by saying when my friend Rosie posted this movie to her blog I had no clue what the hell I was getting into. The 1970s film grain and the awkward silence (save for the chirping birds) when we meet our homegirl Susan made me half-expect one of those “What’s Happening to my Body?” filmstrips they made us watch in the 4th grade.

“Are you there, God? It’s me, Susan. All my friends are getting their periods except me. What have I done to anger you so?”

Right away we know Susan is different. She does weird things like…walking (especially when she has a perfectly good Schwinn on the front porch).

God, look at this freak.

“Look at her using her legs for non-jump-rope purposes like a fuckin’ loser.”

So it turns out that Susan’s a loner because she’s always daydreaming about her fab marvy crush…because she’s 11 and this is what 11-year-olds do: daydreaming and hurrying home and catch her fave rave on TV.

To be honest I was expecting it to be Davy Jones...the pirate, not the Monkee.

Yeah, Little Susie’s got fuzzy feelings for Mike Nesmith of the Monkees, to the chagrin of her concerned-yet-not-concerned-enough-to-actually-talk-to-their-kid parents. Susan’s mom is looking at her daughter like she didn’t wet herself over Sinatra back in her day.  I mean, Susan can’t be that obsessed, though. She’s only got like, one album and a single pinup on her wall like she’s some kind of amateur. And she’s pretty reserved in her screaming at the TV so that’s considerate of her.

Her disappointment over lack of mammaries perfectly mimics Mike’s face which in turn perfectly mimics how I feel about this movie so far.

The film then takes somewhat of a weird turn and becomes from here on out a wild rollercoaster ride of “What the actual fuck?” We take a journey into Susan’s brain as she sees herself as a 45 year-old woman teenager, getting ready for her date with-…oh my God.

YOU DON’T SAY

I’m somewhat flabbergasted by their casting decision to go with a paunchy, late-30s Ashkenazi Mike Nesmith but whatever. I’m not gonna judge Susan. She’s 11. When I was 11 I wanted to hang out with Gabe Kaplan circa ‘75. It’s a weird age.

So after her date with Mack Nussbaum we find Susan back at school, going for one of her weird daydream walks and completely oblivious to a group of bitches talkin’ shit behind her back.

“I bet she doesn’t even listen to the Banana Splits. Dweeb.”

“Joke’s on you! Me and Marc Nesbitt are gonna go closed-mouth kiss behind the JFK Memorial Tree. Hope I don’t get pregnant!”

I’m not even going to comment on this next scene. There’s nothing I can add to how utterly perfect it is in its understanding of the pre-teen girl’s brain so I’m just gonna let the caps do the talking.

But trouble rears its ugly head in the form of Susan’s teacher, glaring at her disapprovingly and telling her she’s “a much better writer than this [homework],” before proving this to be a bold-faced lie as we cut to a scene in which Susan writes in her diary:

Mike is so beautiful. He has lovely brown eyes. His hair is so soft and silky. I want to run my fingers through his beautiful hair. He has a sweet Texas accent that is so beautiful to listen to. I could listen to him read a book for hours and hours. He’s divine enchanting!!!

This nonsense reads like a 1st grade primer. Girl, I know you’re 11 but this is clearly not your first day at the Mike Nesmith Rodeo. This should all have been covered on page one.

Also, I hope Susan asked for a thesaurus for Christmas. 

So homegirl’s studies are suffering because she can’t keep her mind out of Mike’s pants and daydreaming about going on a romp with Mork Nerfherder to the song Papa Gene’s Blues. As you do…

“Whatchu thinkin’ about?” “Oh nothing…just statutory stuff.”

…that is until your cockblock of a teacher calls you out for not paying attention and embarrasses you in front of the entire class (a situation I knew all too well, so I actually empathize with her here). Susan goes home to complain to Raggedy Anne and delve into yet another daydream in which Mike takes her home to meet “the guys.” Oh boy, I can’t wait to see what small town community theater actors they got to play the Monk-…..wait what?

They look as confused as I do right now.

After an awkward introduction to the roommates (we’ve all been there. College, amirite?!) Murk and Susan go up to Mulk’s room…

I’m suddenly feeling rather uncomfortable and it’s not for the severed clown head in the corner.

…where Malk puts on bossa nova music and they start making out…

Oh my God, No….

NO!!!

NONONONONONONONONO!

YOU’RE GONNA CUT BACK TO THE CHILD ACTRESS AND MAKE THIS MORE AWKWARD THAN IT IS?! WHAT ON EARTH IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

Those lines under Raggedy’s eyes are from all the internal screaming.

No…………………….this is not how I wanted to die.

OUR FATHER WHO ART IN HEAVEN HALLOWED BE THY NAME….

…AS I WALK THROUGH THE VALLEY OF THE SHADOW OF DEATH….

HAS THIS BEEN A PORNO THE ENTIRE TIME?!

BRB SETTING MYSELF ON FIRE…

There isn’t a word for how unnerved I am right now, so I’m just going to make one up. I am extremely floopnozzled, I am totally and immensely…wait a second…

As I breathe a gargantuan sigh of relief, Bra-vo!

After Susan has finished violating her poor Raggedy Anne doll, her dad barges into her room and in a very ominous voice says they need to talk.

The clown in the back but on a brave smile but what his eyes have seen cannot be unseen.

They go to a parent-teacher conference to talk about Susan’s failing schoolwork and conclude it’s Mike’s fault, so they ban her from the living room and the TV. And for whatever reason I don’t quite understand, there’s a scene where Susan has to listen to her parents bone on the couch. I guess as part of her punishment? I dunno.

Girl, same.

EDIT: @legrandennui has informed me that it’s possible the voices she’s hearing aren’t her parents but her daydreams distracting her again. I still think it’s the parents, though.

And even though her parents think she’s obsessed with Mike and forbid her from watching The Monkees, her enabling Mom comes home from the grocery store and gives her flowering junkie a hit of the hard stuff via Teen Life magazine with the Monkees on the cover. I heard this was how Sid Vicious died.

At first Susan is overjoyed, until slowly her smile fades as she reads an article. She storms off into her room and screams at her magazine “WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME YOU WERE MARRIED?!”

Lol wut? Child, where have you been? How are you going to be all up on Mike’s dick but not know anything about him beyond his brown eyes and silken hair? That’s like, page 1 in How to Obsess.

So we get one last daydream sequence in which Susan tells Mike she’s leaving him because she’s grown and wants to move on…

…which I guess in this case means getting back to her schoolwork and keeping her grades up…amongst other things.

“Wait, does this mean Shatner doesn’t make her want to bone? Is that the lesson here?”- @legrandennui

I’ve watched a lot of movies about adolescence in my years but this was the first one I’ve seen that had perfectly nailed it in terms of being a young girl with a fave rave. I had gone through nearly everything in this movie: the nonstop daydreams, the constant writing about the object of my surging hormonal lust, not paying attention in school, the concerned look from my parents, and I’m not ashamed to admit my pillow had gotten the Raggedy Anne treatment. My room was a bit more intense than that, pin-up wise but I can’t imagine they had a lot to dress the set with in 1998. This was like looking straight into my own past and as uncomfortable as it was to see what I was like from a 3rd party view, I have to say at the same time it’s incredibly amusing to watch someone flip out over a teen idol while sitting back with a knowing, sympathetic nod. 

If you want to watch the film it’s here on Youtube.