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buckgasms · 1 year

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Pom, it has plagued my mind and now it must plague yours. Alpha!Winter Soldier using you as his own person cocksleeve...

Darling, this is such an old ask and I apologise for how long it has taken me, but I just wanted to do it right, so it took me somewhat longer that intended 😅. It has indeed plagued my mind! I hope I can make up for the wait with the very long filth that follows!

Because oh my god YES.

This will be dark with elements of dub-con & non-con so please proceed with caution or avoid if it's not your thing ❤️

Zayka means bunny in Russian because of course he has to have a pet name for us 😂

Imagine if during a mission he spots you? He's hiding somewhere looking for his target, and as he scopes out the area you walk into his line of sight?

And something primal lurches in the pit of his stomach that tells him, he has to have you, as soon as possible.

He points you out to his handler's and they make arrangements. They know sometimes the soldier needs release so they don't argue. As long as the job gets done right?

🌑

You awake in a room unfamiliar to you. Your head pounds as you try and remember what happened. You were just walking through the park when a shot rang out. Everyone fled in different directions and as you ran out of the park.... You were intercepted... Two men in black military gear were calmly walking towards you... Then a sharp pain... Then nothing...

You realise suddenly that your own clothes have been replaced with a hospital gown and nothing else. Your body starts shivering with adrenaline and cold wondering what the hell is going on.

As you try to move the door unlocks and swings open. A huge man with a silver arm and piercing blue eyes is standing there in front of you. He only has a pair of black trousers on but even as the door is being locked again he is stripping them off as you cower on the floor.

"Theres been a mistake" you croak. "I shouldn't be here, I'm not... Please, I don't understand."

He walks towards you and drops to a crouch, running a hand across your cheek and assessing you. "Yes. It's you. I wanted you..." He rises, offering a hand which you don't accept, trying to shuffle away from him as quickly as you can. He threads his flesh hand into your hair and pulls, not hard but enough to stop your movements.

"Be good, be good for me and I'll make sure they let you go. Be bad and I promise nothing. I need you.... It needs to be you."

He sounds almost desperate for you. Like his control is only surface deep. You look at him and see pain behind the strength he easily displays. You glance around. No one is coming to help. Maybe if you're good....?

"Ok..."

With that he lets go of your hair and scoops you up in his arms carrying you to the poor excuse for a bed and places you down with more gentleness than you were expecting. He immediately removes your gown and pushes your thighs upwards, giving him direct access to your heat.

"Perfect" he murmers before diving down and licking and sucking at your cunt. His tongue dips in and out of your heat, then he sucks at your clit before shaking his head and stimulating your whole pussy.

Despite your lack of willingness, it is extremely effective and before you can even catch up, he has you on the edge of orgasm in moments. But he's not giving you that yet.

He grips your ankles and spins you, so your head is now hanging off the bed, inches away from his crotch. "Take it out and suck it" he orders and when you don't move he lands two harsh swats to your thighs. As you cry out you are moved into action. His dick springs free and you grip it before guiding him into your mouth.

He groans and stutters a little before his metal fingers are probing into your folds. The cold, hard metal sends shocks through your body as he chokes you simultaneously. "Fuck, good girl." He growls as his hips slide steadily into your mouth. Drool and tears mix on your face as he fucks your cunt with his fingers. Your moans and wails are muffled but the sensation on his cock sends him feral.

"Knew it had to be you. Fuck, made for me zayka" he growls, his cock pressing further down your throat as he brings you to a earth shattering orgasm. He over stimulates you, until you are flailing your legs to escape his touch.

"Easy, easy now" he says, removing his fingers and pulling his cock from your mouth. You lay, twitching as your body recovers from your climax but he's nowhere near satisfied.

"Up zayka, hands and knees"

You shudder and move slowly into position but he isn't satisfied so moves you again, his little ragdoll to play with. He pushes and pulls you until you are laying on your back, watching as his cock taps on your folds.

"So wet for me hmm? Made for this aren't you?" He waits until you nod, then sinks in, hand around your throat as he sheathes himself all the way. You both emit a long moan at the feeling before he starts pumping his hips again, skin slapping against yours as he fills you up.

Your hands flail around, gripping his metal hand that's fixed around your throat, scraping at his chest. He swats it away. "Touch yourself little slut. Play with yourself or I'll bind your hands" He growls and you can only obey, tentatively rubbing circles with one hand while your other paws clumsily at your breasts.

"Good girl, my good girl"

His praises have such a confusing effect. As much as this is wrong, you want to please him. He's making you feel so good. It spurs you on, with the hope that it will keep you alive. You want it to end. But you never want it to end.

Your walls clench tightly around him and he groans, emptying himself into you as he keeps fucking you to your second, intense orgasm. When he pulls out he watches as his seed drips from you, mixed with your own release and he rubs it together, taking a taste and moaning.

Finally, you think it's done. You curl away and wait for him to leave, but instead strong hands turn you back over. "Not done" he states and drags you to lay on your front, not before you catch a glimpse of his already semi-hard cock.

"I can go for longer than most kayza" he explains as you feel his cock press against your sensitive folds, dragging up to your puckered hole. You whimper and he reaches around, squeezing your breasts and shushing you. "You're doing so well... Be good for me..."

You whine as he sinks back into your puffy folds and holds there. Relishing the feeling of your spasming walls. You barely notice as he spits on to your ass and rubs it around before sinking his finger in slowly.

"Have you been taken here?" He asks, and you nod slightly, "just once" you mutter and he tuts. "This belongs to me now. You and your pretty holes are mine." He lands a slap on your skin and you cry out as he slides out of your pussy and into your ass.

He dips in and out of both holes, using your wetness to ease his entrance into your tight hole. The pleasure mixed with the pain drives you senseless, bucking your hips as he sinks further and further in. Finally he is fully seated and both of you are panting, a fine sheen of sweat covering both of you.

You feel his hand sink into your hair and pull you upwards so your back is pressed to his chest. "Taking me so well... Knew you could..." He ruts upwards, fingers rubbing mercilessly at your clit as he fucks you. You are sure you black out at his fingers slip into your folds and curl towards your g-spot making your whole body tremble. He groans in your ear as you whine, desperate for release again. He sucks bruises into your neck and shoulders, occasionally sinking his teeth down to leave impressions in your skin, marking you as his.

"Please...please" you beg as you teeter closer to your limit of pleasure. "Come for me, come as much as you want... Going to fill up your holes kayza..."

His talented fingers and never ceasing cock drag you to another peak and he holds you tight in place as your jerk and squirm through it. He growls again as he comes in your ass, holding himself in place making sure you don't lose a drop.

You fall to the mattress again and can't help the exhaustion that takes over your body. He climbs over you and drags your body to his. "Sleep kayza, more later..."

🌑

You awake to the feeling of fingers in you, and find his cock being guided into your mouth. You squirm and cry but he shushes you and threatens a spank. "Suck and I'll make you feel good..."

You take his cock in your mouth and he wraps his thighs around your head, trapping you in place as his tongue and fingers delve into your pussy. The focus on breathing removes any other thought from your mind, focusing you onto one task and blocking out the fear that is now dissolving in your stomach. For his part he works your body like he's known it for years, kissing your folds, nibbling and biting your sensitive thighs and curling his finger gently inside you.

His cock tightens before he releases in your mouth, almost choking you in the process. It's clear he has no intention of releasing you until you are dragged to another climax, your walls now intensely sensitive as he curls his finger beyond what you can take, until finally he releases you from the headlock and your body falls backwards.

He hovers over you, hands pressed either side of your head. He presses sloppy kisses to your face, almost like he's forgotten how to. His lips drag over your skin, leaving trails of goosebumps in his wake. He pulls back to look at you. "Open your mouth" he says and you comply. "You swallowed it?" He growls and you nod, feeling suddenly embarrassed even though you shouldn't.

"Next time hold it, I want to see it..."

Your cheeks redden and you shiver again. Next time? You felt sure it was almost over. But the look on his face suggests not. He follows up by spitting in your mouth and squeezes your cheeks, making it drop over your lips and chin.

"It's like you were made for me kayza... So perfect.... So soft and sweet..."

🌑

He let you sleep for a while, and during that time he was summoned. They spoke in Russian and he took on the role of submissive. He nodded and was led out of the room with heavily armed guards.

Maybe while he was gone they would set you loose? You didn't know anything, you were innocent.

But you waited hours. At some point a meal was shoved through a flap in the door. You waited for a moment but your hunger took over and you scrambled to the door and ate whatever mush was on the plate.

You wrapped a blanket around you and sat cold and silent. You didn't know which was worse. Waiting for him or being with him. You tried to understand how you let yourself surrender to him so easily. You felt like you did nothing to stop it, but what could you do? No one was here to help you and at least he seemed to care about you... In his own way.

🌑

You heard thundering footsteps heading down the corridor outside your door. With a short pause it was suddenly open and he was back in the room. You sat there staring at him as he stood staring at you.

He shrugged off his clothes and walked towards you. "Show it to me." He said, gesturing to your lower half but you couldn't move. "Kayza, be good or I can be bad..." You exhaled and dropped your thighs open and he hissed as your swollen pussy leaked out his release. He dipped his hand down and rubbed making you whimper at the touch.

Once he was naked he laid back on the bed next to you. His hands drifted over your body where you sat until he was pulling you into place, sitting on his body. "I can't, it's too sensitive..." You pant as he lifts you up by the thighs and guides you to sit on his fat cock.

"No, no, you take it, you can..." You can't escape his grip as he drags you down with one hand and guides his cock into your heat. Your hands grip at his chest and you cry out as he stretches you. You gasp for air and he just holds you still, shushing you as you are overwhelmed.

"You're made for this. Look at you... Still taking me all the way..." He lets his soft hand drag over your body, squeezing here and there, pinching your nipples until they are swollen and sore from his actions. He rolls his hips experimentally and even he can't cope with the way your walls clamp down on him. "Fuck, that's right... It's just want you like huh?"

He stops again, letting you calm down before rolling again. He keeps this torturous pace, stopping and starting until tears track down your face and the only thing keeping you up is his hands around your throat.

"Did they touch you while I was gone zayka?" He whispers, hands squeezing slightly tighter, hips thrusting slow but deep. "N...no...no." He growls again as your eyes roll in your head. "Tell me why... Why did they leave you alone?"

"Because....ah..b...because I belong....to you."

He drags you forward and crashes his lips to yours in a primal kiss, you return it clumsily, moaning in his mouth. His hand reaches round and presses into your ass as he ruts. "That's right.....mine."

🌑

Time passes, probably days but they are a blur to you. He leaves and returns once more, the rest of the time he uses you, holds you and occasionally you sleep.

Until one day he goes, and he's gone for a long time. Your only sign of life is the weird meals that pass through the door every several hours.

Eventually someone opens the door. Not the soldier. A guard of some type. He throws a gown at you and leads you to a quiet room with a scary looking chair. Are they going to kill you now.

Despite the horror of the situation, you find yourself wishing for him. At least he was gentle, these guards did not look gentle.

Suddenly he is marched into the room and thrown into the chair. You watch horrified as he is strapped down, a glassy look in his eye. He looks at you briefly, a flare of possession and recognition shot towards you.

"We are going to wipe his memory, but we can't deny the effect you've had on him. Kept him much calmer than the others before you." A guard explains as doctors whizz around the room, pressing various buttons.

"If he remembers you, little kayza," he mocks, "then you can live. If not..." He cocks his gun near you and you shiver. An impossible fate lies ahead of you. Death or life, but what kind of life would it be?

You are forced to watch on as he screams during the process. Tears track down your face in fear, for both of you. Clearly he is as much a prisoner as you.

Finally the ordeal ends. They speak to him in hushed tones as various plates of metal are removed from his body. You are pushed forward into his eyeline.

Your heart is in your throat as he stares at you. Will he remember?

#dark!bucky x y/n #dark!bucky barnes #winter soldier au #dark winter soldier #bucky x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky imagine #bucky smut

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nyursi · 7 months

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Okay, Briar's an asshole but. BUT. Imagine.

(Written with male reader in mind but its quite ambiguous.)

Just another night at the brothel, dancing and showing off skin just to meet Bailey's weekly quota. It's uncomfortable, and the fear that some people you know at school would see you here, flaunting your body so shamelessly— yet hiding away under the uniform and maintaining a grade A student facade just to avoid Leighton's punishments. What would they think? What would Sydney, ever kind and pure, think of you when he sees you on stage? Or Whitney? No doubt using this to harass you even more. What about your teachers? God. The swarm of thoughts in your head just made your heart palpitate even more. Forgetting the one thing you always chanted in your mind whilst you danced on stage: "Always be aware." Because this is Hex Street, and theres nothing good lurking in the shadows.

The Brothels clients are similar to animals as well, you've had your fair share of men clamoring to grab and yank you from the stage mid-dance. And that was your mistake. Briar always told you not to think too much when you're on there. Because what happens? You lose focus. And that's dangerous. But before it could even register in your muscles to stop, and pay attention, two hands grasp at your waist— harsh, tugging, dragging your much smaller body away from the audience and into the secluded back rooms intended for the staff. Only halfway through did you realise who it was.

"Briar?" Your voice, small and meek, echoes in the hallways. But he doesn't respond, no matter how your voice begs him to give you an answer. You're left speechless when he throws the door to his office open, seemingly angered. Even more so when you're dropped on the couch he lazes on everyday. Your eyes trail up his figure, panting and heaving. Hair a mess— clinging to his face. Fists clenched. He looked like he had a fist fight.

A bitter gratefulness echoes in your soul, had he saved you? From the greedy hands that took, the touches that lingered even if you denied, the eyes that looked over you as if you were some meat in the butcher shop. At first, you're thankful. Had that been the scenario. But this is Briar, and him playing hero has a cost. A batch of saliva you forcefully lodged down your throat, not enjoying the heavy silence. "Oh darling," he cooes. Attempting to reassure you, but it sounds like hes trying to soothe himself. "I simply wanted to preserve the merchandise." Briar exclaims, fox-like grin gracing his face. Mischevious. Secretive. Manipulating.

Merchandise. Yeah. That's what you were. What else did you do? Selling your body to randos on the street for some quick cash, indulging in Avery's dates every now and then. You remember when you wanted to avoid such work a long time ago, deeming it unsavory. But look at you now. It's become second nature for you to skip Mason's swimming classes and head to the lower basement. Knees conditioned to the rough pavement. At some point, you had half the mind to bring a pillow.

Such "gentleness" was rare in this town. So you allowed him to tend to you, not like you could stop Briar if you could. He'd just throw you out to the pack of hungry wolves waiting outside. Salivating to pounce on their prey. Moments of silence. Rare peace. You let him wipe off your makeup, tidy your hair, even throwing you a new shirt (as yours was torn, like always). He'll let you believe you were safe for now.

But he'll never let you know the truth. Briar only saved you for himself. Who would defy him? It was only right he got a taste of you anyway.

#briar the brothel owner #degrees of lewdity #dol #dol briar #dol x reader #this was on my mind for dayd #is he ooc???#kms #hes hot i hate him i hope he dies!!#っω=`)ㅤ⎯⎯ㅤmy works...

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reetreets · 1 year

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Ninã - Miguel O'Hara / Teen Reader

THIS IS NOT A SEXUAL RELO ITS MIGUEL BEING A PARENT OKAY

summary:

“Niña?” Her heart stops at the voice in front of her. Theres only one person in the whole multiverse who calls her that.

“What the fu-hell are you doing here?”

She looks at him with open eyes, slowly rimming with tears.

“I-uh..I could ask you the same thing?” She says nervously.

OR:

reader is 17 and pregnant and wants to get an abortion but doesn't want anyone to know but miguel finds her at the clinic and takes care of her.

3920 words

Two lines.

Her eyes frozen, straight on the lines that scream "biggest mistake of your life" in her ears. A sob escapes through her throat and she lets the tears fall uncontrollably as she covers her mouth, slapping herself internally

"How could you be so stupid?" She asks herself.

She stays in the stall for about an hour, crying and cursing to herself until her legs start cramping up and she stops crying. She decides to go send in the report to Miguel, he’s been asking her for it for a while now.

Her and Miguel never really had the best relationship. She was always getting into trouble and he was always cleaning up after her. He would always give her the most criticism when giving briefs. Whether she’s being risky on missions, not thinking straight when fighting, putting herself into danger and thus stressing him the fuck out.

She opens the door to find the brooding male standing at his monitors. ‘Come on, just hide it. just for a little bit.’ She thinks to herslelf. She takes a deep breath before walking in.

“Hey Miggy” she smirks, knowing he hates that nickname. “I got that report you’ve been wanting.” she said, waving it in the air.

He turns away from his monitors to see the report and walks towards her before taking it from her hand. “I asked to see this 2 days ago.” He says while flipping through the pages and glancing at her. He notices her puffy eyes and red cheeks. ‘Is she crying? No, knowing her she’s probably high.’

As he thinks to himself, he questions his decision to recruit such a young, stupid teenager.

“Dios mío- are you high?” He asks sternly, looking her straight in the eye.

“What? No! What makes you say that.” She says, taken aback.

“Well your eyes and cheeks are red and puffy.” He replies, pointing at her face with the papers.

“I’m not high.” She says. “Besides, where would I even get good grass around here.” She joked.

“You’re lying. Fucking Hobie again isn’t it?” He says, muttering swear words in spanish.

“I’m not lying! Breath test me right now.”

“No i’m not bothered just- get out please. I really don’t wanna deal with your bullshit today.” He says, holding the bridge of his nose and squeezing his eyes shut.

“Alright alright.” She says, walking backwards to the exit .“See ya Miggy!” she laughs as he rolls his eyes, and turns back to the monitors.

But as soon as she leaves, her smile drops, and she lets out a massive breath that she didn’t know she was holding.

“Should I keep it?”

“Adoption is still a thing right?”

“How much does an abortion cost?”

“Oh God what are my parents gonna say?”

These thoughts swimming in her mind as she walks through the crowded halls of the Spider HQ.

“Ay, watch the arms fam.” She hears a voice, sounding like Hobie, but she can’t even process it right now. Her body is in autopilot, until she feels something grab at her wrist and takes her out of her mind.

“Hey, are you okay?” Gwen asks, looking at her with concerned eyes. She realises all her friends are in front of her

“Huh? Oh, yeah I’m great. Just peachy.” She says, putting on a fake smile.

“But..you’ve been crying?” Pavitr says softly, approaching her and putting an arm on her shoulder. The rest of the Spider-Teens circle her, worry filling their eyes.

“Whats wrong?”

“You alright fam?”

“You can talk to us”

She hears these words swinging around her ears until she pulls away from them and laughs.

“Guys seriously, I’m fine. Nothings wrong, I don’t know what you’re so worried about.” She says while walking away while putting the hood of her jacket on and shoving her hands in her pocket.

“I need to get rid of it.”

She enters the clinic, nervous with her hand clutching her purse. She walks up to a counter and looks at the nurse, “Hi, um…I have an appointment at 4?” She says softly.

“Yes of course dear, we just need you to sign these forms. Have a seat over there and we’ll call you when we’re ready to being the procedure.” The nurse says, smiling softly at her.

She nods, taking the papers and a seat in the waiting area. As she starts reading the papers, she’s thinking about how she ever got herself into this position. She feels her heart in her ears as she writes her signature for the fourth time.

“Niña?” Suddenly her heart stops at the voice in front of her. Theres only one person in the whole multiverse who calls her that.

“What the fu-hell are you doing here?”

She looks at him with open eyes, slowly rimming with tears.

“I-uh..I could ask you the same thing?” She says nervously.

“I donate here all the time. I just came to finalise some paperwork. Now you.” He said, crossing his arms.

“I…uh…” No words came out of her mouth. She sat there, silent, looking down to her feet.

“Wait.” He said, uncrossing his arms, and slowly approaching her. “Are you…pregnant?” He said, his accusatory tone being replaced with a more concerned one.

She sees him take the seat next to her, but doesn’t dare to move. Instead she lets the tears roll down her cheeks, soaking the papers as she covers her face with her hands.

“Oh niña, ¿por qué no dijiste nada?” He said, removing her arms and pulling her in for a hug. She reciprocates and wraps her arms tightly around his neck, falling into his embrace. She didn’t realise how much she needed this, having someone to care for her. To support her through this whole situation.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to disappoint you,” Her words muffled with her face in his chest. He rubs circles around her back, rethinking his choices that made her so afraid to talk to him, that she kept a whole pregnancy to herself. “Does anyone know? Do your parents know? Or your friends?” He said, as he pulled away from her and wiped the tears off her red cheeks, giving him déjà vu from their last interaction. ‘Is this what she was crying about?’ He thinks.

She shook her head. “No. No one knows. I didn’t want to tell anyone. I just want to get rid of it and forget this ever happened.” She said, looking down, while fidgeting with her fingers. He nodded in response.

“Are you gonna tell anyone?” She said softly, as she finally looked up to meet his eyes. For once, the angry eyes were gone, and were replaced with orbs full of concern and worry.

“Not if you don’t want me to. Do you have anyone to drive you home?” He asked, with one hand falling onto his lap and the other falling onto her shoulder.

“No.” she said, “I was kind of gonna catch a cab.” She laughed, looking to the side.

He shook his head again. “No, I can’t let you do that. I’ll drive you back to HQ.”

“A-Are you sure? I mean I don’t want to bother you-“

“Miss L/N?” the nurse calls her. “We’re ready when you are.” She says, smiling at the young girl.

She looks back at Miguel with fearful eyes and he takes his hand in hers. “I’ll be here when you get back. If you need anything, just send one of the nurses to get me, okay?” She stays silent and nods before getting up and following the nurse to the room.

He sees her walk away and slumps in the chair, holding his face in his hand. He shakes his head internally to himself. Jeez he was acting like this girl was his own daughter. He found himself constantly glancing at the closed door, where she lay.

She changed into her medical gown and exited the bathroom, the knot in her stomach slowly growing.

“Lay down here and spread your legs out, we’ll start off with the anaesthesia.” The doctor said.

She followed her instructions and laid down with her legs spread. The doctor injected her and she slowly found herself loosing feeling in her private area.

“We’ll begin the procedure now. Clamps please?” The doctor said. As they began the procedure, she found herself thinking about the life she could have led, had she had this baby. She realised that she’d been calling them ‘it’ the whole time she knew she was pregnant. She thought about how her ex-boyfriend always talked about having kids. Wanting kids. How she didn’t tell him. Not that he’d care anymore. Once he found out she was a Spider-Person, he didn’t want anything to do with her and her dangerous lifestyle.

She was crying. A feeling off loss filled her to the bone as she saw the doctors poking around. She covers her mouth with her hand to hide the sob threatening to escape her mouth, and the other to grip the sheets she lays on. Squeezing her eyes closed as the tears ran down into her hair.

She feels a hand holding onto her shoulder

“Do you want me to call him to come inside here?” The nurse said.

She nodded quickly. She really didn’t want to bother him, but she was hurting. she needed his support. She needed him to tell her everything was gonna be fine. That she was making the right decision.

- “Mr O’Hara?” the nurse called out.

As soon as he heard his name, he stood up and rushed in front of the nurse.

“Is she okay? Are there any complications?” He said hurriedly, trying to look inside the room, even though the door was closed.

“She’s doing well physically, but…I think she needs someone to hold her hand. Give her some support, you know?”

He nodded and the nurse opened the door to reveal a hurting, young girl crying on the bed, while the doctors did the procedure. His heart broke at the sight. The girl he knew, who was always confident, always sassy, always upbeat and positive, was crumbling down right in front of him.

He rushed to her side and sat down in the chair next to her bed. He took the hand covering her mouth and the hand holding the sheets and took them both in one hand. The other went straight to her cheeks, wiping her tears away. “Shh, shh ninã, its okay, I’m here. Everything’s gonna be okay. You can squeeze my hand if you need to.” He said calmly, while taking the strands of hair covering her face and tucked it behind her ear.

And she squeezed his hand like he was the last drip of water she would ever drink. She let the sobs out of her stomach and he rubbed her head soothingly, occasionally moving to wipe her tears and letting out supportive words here and there, some even in Spanish.

“The procedure is complete. You can change back into your clothes and get the final paperwork from reception.” The doctor said, before removing her gloves and walking out of the room, the nurses following closely behind her.

As soon as they left, Miguel got up to sit up on the bed and held her as she cried into his shoulder. He closed his eyes, imagining if it was his daughter in this situation. She was kind of like his daughter. She had the same ambitious personality. The same optimistic outlook on life, always active and always making trouble. He just wanted to support her. Make her feel better. So he held onto her, tighter, afraid to let go one more time.

After some time, her cries calmed, and the anaesthesia wore off, so she moved off the bed and went to the bathroom to change back into her clothes. She shimmied her underwear on, but fatigue hit her like a truck, and for the love of God she couldn’t get her pants on. She whined and groaned as she tried to get her pants on but failed.

Miguel heard her sounds and knocked on the door.

“Ninã? Are you okay?”

She whined once again. “They won’t go up.” she said, slurring her words just the tiniest bit, but this didnt pass through Miguel’s head.

He walked in and saw her struggling to put her pants on. “Ay querida, let me help you.” He said, rushing to her side. He takes her pants and pulls them up slowly, afraid to hurt her. He notices her dazed figure and as soon as he pulls her pants up the whole way, he puts an arm on her back and leaves the room, grabbing her purse in the process. He never once leaves her side, all he wants is to help her.

They enter reception and he gently sits her down on one of the chairs. She lets her head hit the wall as she sees him walk towards the reception desk and ask for the paperwork. As she sits, waiting patiently, she keeps replaying the look on his eyes when he found out she was pregnant. He was not in the least bit mad at her, or disappointed or anything. All he did was care for her. Nurture her, like she was his own child.

She imagined her family life to be different. If maybe in one universe, Miguel actually her dad, and how he would probably care for her like this all the time.

“Ninã? Wake up, we have to go now. Let’s get you back to HQ and to a bed.”

She nodded slowly and got out of the chair. He held her waist and helped her to leave the clinic and right into his car. Which happens to be a pickup truck.

‘Typical Miguel. Of course he would have a pickup truck’ She chuckles to herself.

He helps her into the seat, even putting the seatbelt on for her, tucking her legs into the seat. He wants her to be comfortable, and does everything in his power to do so.

“Is this okay?” He asks, looking into her glassy eyes.

She gives a soft smile and replies. “Yeah. Thank you.”

He smiles back and closes the door, making his way to the other side of the car.

As they drive she finds herself looking out the window, passing multiple families with children, how happily they race around the park. How their ice-cream touches their noses, leaving a light mark. How the smiles of the children never fail to brighten someone’s day. She starts contemplating her decision to get rid of the child. Regret starts flowing through her brain.

“Do you think I made the right decision?” She asks softly, still looking out the window.

Miguel sighs, glancing at her then back at the road. “Yes Querida. I think you have too much going on in your life right now. With being Spider-Woman, a student, and a daughter to your own family, a child of your own would be way too much. And this is just my opinion, but I think you’re too young to be a mother. You’ll have plenty of time for that when you’re older.” He says, never skipping a beat.

His words sink into her brain and she realises that he’s right. She is too young. She has too many responsibilities of her own right now. If she has a child, she would have to give up everything. Even being a spider.

She blinks her tears away and lifts her legs to rest her chin on her knees. ‘Yeah, he’s right.’ She thinks to herself, as she slowly drifts off to sleep.

Miguel glances at her and sighs. The worry never stopped. For the rest of the trip, he kept glancing back at her. He never stopped to make sure she was comfortable. That she was okay. He understands how shitty it must be for her right now. She doesn’t need him to be frantic and mad at her. He’s only mad that she didn’t come to him sooner. She was prepared to go through this without telling anyone. She was going into this by herself and that made him angry. Not at her, but himself. He was meant to be a leader. Someone people look up to. Someone people can come to when they need help, or have a concern. Especially the ones so young, like Gwen, Miles and Pavitr.

‘No wonder they always ask Peter and Jess for backup, and not me.’ He thinks to himself.

They arrive at HQ and he notices how she’s still deep in slumber. He opens her door and carries her in his arms.

He makes his way to his personal room and sets her down in his bed, ever so gently, as not to wake her. He tucks her in bed and tucks her hair behind her ear to reveal her face. He notices the puffiness and redness surrounding her face has decreased. He pecks her on the forehead and moves out to his office.

He takes his place in front of his monitors, as his suit appears and his normal clothes diminish.

“Lyla?”

“Sup Boss?”

“Keep a screen of the security cameras in my room on next to me.”

“Keeping an eye on your adopted child? So adorable.” She says, before disappearing and the video recording pops up next to his work. He sighs, questioning his sanity when he was programming her to be the sassiest person he knew.

As he continued his work, his eyes kept glancing towards the monitor next to him. He never stopped thinking about her. He wouldn’t admit this out loud, but he did feel like a father. He remembered the times when his daughter would get sick. How he would care for her, and make her soup, and take her temperature, and hold her in his arms- ‘stop it.’ He thought to himself.

He shuts those thoughts off immediately. Cracking his neck and rerouting his focus onto his work.

Hours pass and he realises that she probably hasn’t had anything to drink or eat the whole day. He decides to finish this report and get some food from the cafeteria. He makes his way through the crowd, finding people moving out of his way, cowering in fear. He sighs, ‘I really need to work on how I look to these people.’

As he orders his food, he feels an arm fall around his neck.

“Ay big boss. How’re ya?”

Hobie. For the love of God why him.

He sighs and turns around to find all the other spider-kids surrounding him. He raises an eyebrow. “What is it?”

“Nothin’, just wonderin’, you know anythin’ ‘bout the little one? She’s been dodging us this whole day and we fink you’re the only one who’s gotta know.”

“We’re just worried about her. We saw her crying when she came out of your office.” Gwen says.

He looks down at her and thinks for a moment. He remembered her words.

“I didn’t want to tell anyone. I just want to get rid of it and forget this ever happened.”

He sighs, “She’s sick. Stomach bug or something.” He says vaguely, while turning around and picking up the tray of food.

Before they can respond, he walks away, making a path towards his dorm.

As he opens the door, he finds her sitting up scratching her head. ‘She must have just woken up’. He says.

“Hey Ninã. How are you feeling.?” He says, sitting next to her on the bed, and putting the tray on the table.

She groans. “Like shit.”

“Yeah I thought you would. I brought you some food from the cafeteria. I’m thinking you probably haven’t had anything to eat or drink all day.”

“Ugh I love you you’re the best.” She said, while grabbing a burger from the mountain of food and taking a big bite of it. She sighs in content.

With her mouth full of food, she asks, “Why did you order so much food?”

“Don’t talk with your mouth full.” He said sternly, his fatherly senses kicking in. “Well I didn’t know what you liked, so I just got a bunch of food and thought I’d let you choose.”

She nods while taking another bite, and letting out another sigh. “you’re the best. did I tell you that?”

He laughs, “Yeah, you did.”

He watches her stuff her face with all the food he brought.

An idea pops into his head.

“Hey uh, if you’re up for it…I have a couple movies in the other room. We could have a movie night?”

She widens her eyes, “Oh my God YES!! Please can I invite the others? Oh they would love it so much. Please please please!” She said, dragging out the last word as she pouted.

He sunk his head down. He didn’t like the idea of the kids in his private room, but still. His main concern was her. “Yeah. Thats alright. Did you want me to call them? Or-“

“No need, already messaged them.” She smiled, putting her phone down.

Within the next second, a group consisting of Hobie, Miles, Pavitr and Gwen bust into the room. Hobie came with a bag full of her favourite snacks.

“Hey! You’re okay!” Gwen says, racing to go hug her. “We heard you were sick with a stomach bug. You doing okay now?”

She goes to hug her back. “Yeah, I’m feeling much better now.” She says, smiling at Miguel. Silently thanking him for staying quiet about the whole thing. He understands, and smiles in return.

The others go to hug her and light conversation passes through the air. He decides that it’s best to leave the kids to themselves and makes his way to the door.

Until it slams open again.

“Hey!! Heard theres a movie night going on here. Decided to come. And look who I brought!!” Peter says excitedly, while holding Mayday up for everyone to see.

Miguel groans as he lets him pass through.

“You can’t help it man. Just accept it.” Jess said, making her way through and patting him on the shoulder.

He turns to face everyone as they buzz with excitement.

“So what movie are we gonna watch?”

“Oh!! We should have a marathon!”

“Star Wars!! Has to be Star Wars.”

Miguel chuckles to himself, watching the kids’ enthusiasm hum through his room. He lets his eyes sit on her smile. He’s glad that she’s feeling better.

“Alright alright. I’ll put it in.” He says. A grin slowly forming on his face, he hides it.

After he selects the movie, he makes his way onto his bed, sitting next to the girl. She moves over to give him more room and she sets her eyes onto the screen

As the movies progress, the light conversation and debates about who’s a better character, Luke or Hans, reduces to light snores. Miguel finds his eyes setting on the girl, as her head falls onto his shoulder. She’s half asleep, barely paying attention, but awake enough to smile.

“Thank you.” She whispers, her eyes never leaving the screen.

“For what?” Miguel questions.

“For today. For helping me. And supporting me. I don’t know how I would have done it without you.”

He smiles down at her and wraps an arm around her, bringing her closer, so her head falls onto his chest and she falls into a deep slumber.

“Anytime, Ninã.”

#miguel o'hara #miguel o'hara x reader #parental miguel #spider teens #no spoilers #spiderverse #female reader

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lucadrawss · 2 months

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I'm not at all a psychologist but I want to go into the psychology behind the actions of the Arclight family. I apologise if anything sounds wrong at all feel free to correct me. I'll go through all of them individually. I won't go into Byron though as I'm not entirely sure what to write about him.

Overall theres a lot to unpack with this family so this'll be long.

(Its gone 2am as I'm writing this hence my rambles about fictional characters)

Christopher:

So Chris being the oldest seems to put alot of pressure on him, he seems to take alot of the responsibility which could tie into him feeling he needs to take care of his brothers as their father is downright neglecting them but also him as well, which he doesn't seem to realise or he does realise and he just doesn't care. We already saw in flashbacks that he already acted older than he was when they were younger which could really tie into his current mental state seeing as he seemed to force himself to grow up quicker than he should have. This could also tie into Chris feeling protective of his brothers as we know they were eventually separated for a little while, he seems to really care for them, even seeming extremely worried when Michael is dueling Yuma, he could feel like he owes it to them to protect them. Sure he's acting like a big brother should, but there seems to be more to it. Obviously he misses his father, thats very obvious with all three of them, but it also seems like he carries a bit of guilt about what happened to him, survivors guilt so to speak. When his father didn't come back he could have felt so much guilt that he didn't go with him. This would be made even worse when he eventually learns what really happened, causing the guilt to tug on his heart even more after seeing what his father had become and how he was no longer the person that had raised him. I would go into more detail and I know I haven't touched on the whole thing with Kaito and Haruto but this is already super long and I have to write about his brothers too.

Thomas:

We've seen how he reacts to being put down and insulted by his father: with anger and retaliation. Thomas seems to have a fear of failure or not being good enough, he strives for his fathers validation and just wants to be seen as a good son, maybe even better than that. All he wants is his fathers approval and love and he takes that out in the form of anger and aggression towards anyone and everyone. He wants to prove himself, prove that he can do things on his own and that he's worthy of his fathers time and acknowledgement. When he realised he was just being used to manipulate someone else for his father he snaps, letting his rage take over and he doesn't think straight which eventually leads to his downfall, he makes the same mistake during the duel against Nasch. Its clear that he's never been taught how to regulate his emotions and that he doesn't know how to control his anger. Thomas seems to have really low self confidence but tries to mask it in a way that makes him appear confident which causes him to become arrogant and selfish as well as causing him to hurt others who he feels are standing in his way of approval. He enjoys hurting others as thats what he's been encouraged to do, he's two faced because he feels he needs to be, he acts this way towards the world because he feels like no one will help him, they'll get in his way and turn their backs on him.

Michael:

Oh god there is a lot to talk about with Michael, he's probably the worst of them all. First off: He was willing to manipulate, torture and kill all for his families revenge, he really didn't need to but he felt it was necessary so he did. Secondly: He was very willing to sacrifice himself and almost did, he didn't care what happened to himself he only cared about his family. If he had to die for his father to get revenge then so be it, he'd happily do it. This has some concerning implications. Sure alot of people would say they'd die for their family but Michael actually went through with it and seemed very at peace with the idea, only hesitating because he has empathy for others and seemed more worried about them than he was himself. If he was so willing to die then whats going through his head? Is he really that loyal to his family or had he just given up? Onto the topic of the manipulation, torture and murder: Michael did not fucking hesitate to harm Astral and to manipulate Yuma's memories so that he wouldn't be able to duel anymore or remember his father which in turn caused Yuma to lose his spark. The moment Astral tried his best to help Yuma, Michael literally murdered him. Not even painlessly either, Astral was chained up, put through so much more pain than he would normally experiance, forced to watch his friend suffer and them put through even more pain before basically being crushed and disappearing, this was all done by Michael. He seems to have a similar situation to Thomas, wanting his fathers love and willing to do anything to get it, even harming others killing himself in the process. He just wants to make his father proud. Theres some really fucked up implications on whats going through Michael's head for him to be willing to hurt people when he seems to be extremely empathetic and kind as well as being willing to commit suicide.

All of them have issues and thoughts that would be brought on by neglect, manipulation and abuse, mainly neglect especially with Thomas.

The amount of abuse that these three have been put through is astounding, I'm surprised they're not more fucked up.

#yugioh zexal #christopher arclight #thomas arclight #michael arclight #why did i write this

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memoryoflife · 1 year

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fanfiction trope ratings: fate worse than death

Give me a fanfiction trope and I’ll grade it

trope rating: A

THIS IS MY SHIT THIS IS MY SHIT THIS IS MY FUCKING SHIT

AAAAAAAAAAAA OH MY GOD I FUCKING LOVE FATE WORSE THAN DEATH!! it's why the death count of my ocs dropped DRASTICALLY as i got older! it's because i realised that i could make them SUFFER in ways that didn't involve dying!

and like, this is seen so much in my fics! the twst ones, it's like. silver's coma in two for nero? fate worse than death bc he's neither alive nor dead. rhapsody for green?? mal killing silver wouldve been a mercy. HOLLOW FUCKING MOON?? LITERAL MONTHS OF PSYCHOLOGICAL TORTURE FOR SILVER?? and that's only my twst fics; there's so much other content i've made where death would've been a far greater mercy

and GOD i love it so much. death is so EASY. you die, you're gone. if you're alive, you can be tortured, you can go through agony. you have to suffer under the weight of your mistakes and sins.

and. and. i think about blaseball actually, and the utter horror of what it meant to become legendary — that you didn't die, you were just preserved eternally in the vault and had clones made of you. or necromancy, where those who were brought back had debts that led to numerous other deaths. or being redacted. literally disappearing. or the static with the wyatts. all of it is fucking haunting and it's why blaseball as a horror genre thing worked so well (i miss it) OBVIOUSLY THERES MORE I JUST,, listed the first thing that came to mind.

#ask game #anonymous #i know who this is (blows a kiss) thank u babe

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bluiex · 2 years

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ll!scar and 3l!grian is very good. a very nice au

however, i have to propose 3l!scar and ll!grian, with 3l!scar still being a ghost/spectator of course >:)

last life grian gettinf quite literally haunted by his past mistakes while 3l!scar is just trying to get attention from his bf whos being all edgy n shit bc hes getting haunted by him

i would say theres no actual communication, but grian can see him ans thats obviously enough to fuck with his brain

scar just rambling on to grian about something exciting he saw (he knows grian cant hear him, but its nice to talk to him even if he wont get a reply) while grian is just like "oh god what is he talking about why is he talking that much is he talking about how much he hates me bc i murdered him"

3l!scar likes to hang around the southlands, and no one else can see him which makes grian feel like hes going mad while scar is just happy he didnt get stuck only being seen by someone else but grian

maybe halfway through grian realises he means no harm and that he doesn't hold a grudge (though grian definitely feels like he should) and he also just talks to him about whatevers on his mind, usually in a hushed voice so no one hears him talking to himself

and scar most definitely likes to make alot of heart shapes with his hands to show his love for grian <33 while grian gets to be able to just say it because scar can hear him (since hes the one between the two whos yk. actually alive)

also in this au i kinda just imagined ll!scar is not on the server, instead yk, being 3l!scar, but it would be funny to just have grian have to get haunted by 2 scars

- 🧨

OOOO YEAH I like this a lot

Just for so long during the games Grian is so moody and depressed and desperate for 3l!Scar to move on and leave. Thinking he's being haunted cuz that Scar is mad and hates him.

Bad communication, it takes longer than it should for Grian to even ask why this Scar is still around, if you hate me so much just do some ghost things and kill me somehow-- but 3l!scar looks horrified st that and just shakes his head so much then does so many heart shapes with his hands

#bluie gets an ask poggers #long post

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maimreddwhite · 2 years

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reunion and turnabout spoilers

ok if someone put a gun to my head and told me that i had to choose who i thought, in my opinion, was the most tragic and fucked up ace attorney character, i would without hesitation say mimi miney. her life was filled with so much tragedy, pain, and suffering that its insane.

first things first, she was working in a shitty abusive workplace for god knows how long. they were mistreating her, overworking her, and turner grey was definitely not a caring boss. being exposed to that on its own can fuck someone up, but theres even more.

they have overworked her and exhausted her to the point where she cant even think straight, to the point where she cant even do her job correctly. so, some medications get mixed up, and she has to slowly realise that the patients under her care were dying. she will now have to carry the weight of that for the rest of her life. the lives of the 14 people; as well as the 14 families and friends of those people.

along with this, she also had to deal with legal shit. interviewers, police, people blaming her, news reporters, people showing up to her work, grey trying to pin the blame on her even though he was the one who caused the whole thing.

now, even though your life is absolutely horrible at the moment, there are at least two good things. first of all, you have a younger sister who cares about you, and you have an expensive car that you probably worked for so long to get.

unfortunately, she looses both those facts simply because of how stressed out and exhausted she was. her sister, someone who shes spent the past two decades living with, someone her, as an older sibling, were at least partially responsible for, dies a horrible death in that fire. i would also like to add that ini miney had the shortest lifespan out of any ace attorney character in the entire franchise. she was literally 20 years old. she died very young.

mimi would definitely feel responsible for this as she refused to let ini take over driving for her, a mistake which seemed harmless enough, she didnt intend to kill anybody, but look where that landed her.

im not even going to get into the physical pain but having your entire fucking face burnt off sounds. painful!

anyway, you thought shes been through enough, and that this entire experience has probably done an insane amount of damage on her. but no, she wakes up in that hospital, alive, and she looks in the mirror and shes forced to relive the guilt of that incident, shes forced to carry a reminder of it, everywhere she goes.

now, just think for a second about how terrifying becoming your dead sibling is. first of all, she does not get a chance to grieve properly. everybody around her, her friends, family, everybody she knew, was grieving mimi miney. she would have to watch as everyone she knows cries for someone who, in her eyes, doesnt even deserve it. nobody mourns the person who is dead, and you are the only one who can miss ini. you cant talk about ini to anybody. naturally this would fuck up the grieving process just a little.

hopefully mimi liked inis friends because those were the people she would have to hang out with for ages on end, and what if ini had a partner? would mimi just have to continue a relationship she feels nothing about? she would have to take every aspect of her sisters life, even the aspects she hates, and that would basically be her entire life.

being forced to constantly be around things that remind you of death, and things that remind you of your sister probably did not do wonders for you either! fast forward about a year of living in this absolute misery, and your old boss, somebody who caused every terrible thing that youve gone through, someone yoyve tried to distract yourself from, has now come into your life.

hes, all of a sudden, asking her about spirit channeling and if she could reccomend any. why? because he wants to threaten mimi at gunpoint to sign something that absolves him of all responsibility. shes angry, of course, but she cant show it. she cant show anything. obviously, she accepts, and she panics. she wouldnt know what to do it the truth came out, because then she would have to face herself, her guilt, and what she did.

while shes murdering grey, i would like to point out that ini mineys face is the last thing turner grey ever sees. the woman that he played a big role in killing, she murders him.

anyway, after the trial, for the first time in an entire fucking YEAR she has the ability to be mimi miney again. in that past year, a lot of fuckedup and traumatising things happened to her, so the logical conclusion would be to get some therapy, try to heal from her grief, beco-oh wait shes in prison. she goes through trauma after trauma and the place where she ends up? fucking jail!!!!!!!!! my girl doesnt need jail she needs.......idfk but NOT THAT!!!

this concludes my...*cough*....SMALL RAMBLE on why i think mimi miney is a very fucked up and tragic character. also i am of the belief that turner grey deserved to die.

#mimi miney #ace attorney #ini miney #im mentally ill about ace attorney #justice for all spoilers

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rottencoyote · 9 months

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for like, idk maybe for like four months i’ve been pissed off at my friend, FOR GOOD REASON BRO I SWEAR! so when i was still doing uni (studying in film for whoever wanted to know, and somehow graduated idea bro that was the big man upstairs doing me a solid for once), me and my friend went on break and walked around the city doing fuck knows what, cause that’s what uni students do ig. she was bored, and i was bored, so i was like “hey! wanna go see my favourite store? sells cool shit” (by cool shit, i mean cool clothing and jewellery and other neat lil nick nacks) and she said “sure id love to!”.

now a thing about my friend is that she likes to steal. actively steal. both because she thinks it’s fun and because she can’t afford what she wants sometimes cause she spends most her money on vapes and weed and a bunch of other psychedelics. before we entered the store, i made her promise not to steal, cause i love and respect the fuck out of this store and i’ve wanted to work there since i was fifteen (and i’m now twenty). she said she promised and swore she wouldn’t take anything, and me being a fucking hopeful and trusting dumb fuck, believed her. now i saw this really sick hoodie, where it was basically a cropped hoodie (STAY WITH ME ON THIS) but it was made to look like a rib cage, so it was fucking cool. the owner sold it to me for 45 bucks, but the hoodie originally costed 55 bucks, so she took ten bucks off cause i fell in love with this hoodie, so i got real fucking hyped and thanked her profusely. now, this is a key thing to remember, cause the tags they used were airtags. the type of tags where it needed to be unlocked with a type of pin at the front desk. otherwise you can’t take that shit off, unless you got scissors (this is also important).

so my friend went into the change room with a BUNCH of clothes, and i waited near the front and had small talk with the store owner, asking if it’s been busy, slow, shit like that. i noticed that my friend is taking a long fucking time, so i go to check on her and ask if she’s good, and she said yes, paused then asked “hey coyote? do you have any scissors in your bag? i need it for my nails”

now this is where a lot of my guilt comes in, cause i genuinely didn’t realise my mistake until it was too late. i said yeah in my bag (which was in the change room with her) and she said thanks. i always carry scissors on me cause i like to scrap book, and if i see anything interesting i cut it out and sample it to put into my sketch book so i get inspired for any future projects.

after like another ten minutes she finally comes out, but i notice two things. the first was that there were significantly less clothes than when she walked into the change rooms with, and the second thing was noticing something sticking out of her pocket.

SHE CUT THE FUCKING TAGS OFF WHEN I TOLD HER NOT TO FUCKING STEAL. SHE EVEN PROMISED ME MULTIPLE TIMES TOO!!!!

like????

now i’m freaking out, cause i don’t want to get roped into this. and she kept on trying to reassure me and said it’s fine she’s a ‘pro’ at this. bro idgaf you promised me and BROKE that promise. the lady asked where the clothes were, and my friend said in the free clothes box. so i go and check, literally emptying the box while thinking “she’s fucked, i’m fucked, we’re BOTH fucked, god PLEASE no” just planning out my fucking funeral atp, and the woman goes to the BOTH OF US “empty your bags, now.”

i watched her empty her bag, fucking cringing and mortified, just watching the store owner tear into her, saying she has to pay for all of it. i started apologising profusely, telling her i didn’t know she was going to do this, just kept on saying i’m sorry over and over again, cause i’m livid, mortified, just fucking humiliated at my friend. BRO, THE STOREOWNER DEADASS LOOKED ME IN THE EYE, AND SAYS THAT I WAS IN ON IT?? HUH??? KEEP IN MIND THERES LIKE FOUR OTHER PEOPLE IN THE STORE WATCHING THIS HAPPENING AND WERE JUST JUDGING US. (which i don’t blame them, cause it was a fucking shitshow and a half). the storeowner asked her how did she even do this, and she said “i used my nails to cut the fabric”…bro come ON LIKE-

you could tell she used scissors, CAUSE SHE DID. MY DAMN SCISSORS THAT WERE IN MY BAG. CAUSE IM A STUPID FUCKING DUMB FUCK WHO REALISED WHAT SHE WAS DOING WAY TOO FUCKING LATE.

i genuinely wanted to fucking cry AND die man, right then and there. i was so unbelievably humiliated and embarrassed cause my fucking friend couldn’t keep her damn hands to herself and couldn’t keep her promise. the storeowner said that she did the same thing at our age, and said she wouldn’t call the cops on us, i tried saying sorry again and that i never meant for my friend to do this, and pretty much got shut down again and that the storeowner didn’t want to hear my excuses. i ended up dragging my friend out from there and tearing her a new one, saying how i can never show my face there or even step foot into that store again, and she kept saying sorry, but also tried to joke about it?? which only made me more fucking angry, cause any chance i had of working there was just fucking trampled, chewed and spat onto the fucking dirt because of her.

i feel guilty cause i was unknowingly involved until it was too late, but i’m angry and hurt because she promised me that she wouldn’t steal from there, but did it anyways and didn’t give two shits, and that i got pulled into it and blamed because if she was stealing, then that meant i was stealing too. idk man, cause it’s been four months and it’s STILL bugging me, cause it was literally MY DREAM to work there. it sucks man. it really fucking sucks.

#vent post #personal #personal vent #shits fucked #idek man #just pissed off that i can’t ever show my face there again #idk maybe i’m just thinking too much about it but i wanted to work there for five years bro

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wulvert · 2 years

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SHE'S SO ELEGANT,,,PICTURE PERFECT GRACE. THROWING UP GARLIC BREAD LIKE A CAT HACKING UP A HAIRBALL. she looked so comfy in that one panel being held (��️‍🌈) i think thats her peak. i wana be as sleepy as her,,,snnnnzzzz

ALSO IM LOOKING THROUGH THE COMMENTS TO SEE IF I MISSED ANY DETAILS. WHY DO SO MANY PEOPLE THINK AVERY IS A MAN. ITS BEEN 53 PAGES????? I LOVE ROTATING GENDER CODED AVERY IN MY BRAIN AS A SILLY SELF-PROJECTION HEADCANON BUT THIS IS BEYOND ME. WHAT DO THEY NEED TO MAKE IT CLICK. "HI ITS ME, AVERY, WOMAN FROM HIT LESBIAN (NOT HETEROSEXUAL) VAMPIRE SERIES PAPERTEETH"??? theres somethign deepr 2 be said about this tht pisses me off nd im too tired to express it correctly. im goign insane sorry. anyways

scarlet's t-rex hands at the end mean so much 2 me!! thnak u,,,i have seen them in ur comics before nd they r so important as someone who does them 24/7. this may also sound weird but i like the extra detail u put into the legs. i do NOT mean this in a strange way oh god. um. u get it i hope.

awesoke page in general im gnna eat it.!!!

literally so sleepy and is held. sure she passed out from fear but thats irrelevant now bc shes unconscious I want to be that cozybut i dont think i ever will be

yeah! uptick of ppl who think shes a man this page- Ig it got featured on a banner again the other day so a few new ppl probs skim read past the part where shes outright referred to as a woman idk. I think the reason it bothers me a bit is bc avery is a character im rly overly attached to bc shes pretty pathetic like me and shes the same flavour of girl as me, which i dont rly relate 2 a lot of fictional women as someone whos kind of a struggle, so its like nice to make them for myself i guess? idk having her makes me feel better. is that a comfort character. i dont know. i care her.- so i feel like ive failed a little when ppl just look at her and go oh, this character is clearly intended by the author to be a man.

I cant rly b mad at ppl who honestly just dont realise though, I'll admit i commit the crime of mistaking cartoon men for cartoon women sometimes- I am a little mad at ppl who say things like its hard to believe shes a girl when they find out .like. shes a vampire. you can suspend ur disbelief far enough to believe shes a vampire. but not enough to believe shes a girl... interesting ...hm ....funny how that works anonymous webtoon commenter.......................

TL;DR: Averys my bbg and im too attached to her.

& no of course! i like giving characters raptor hands, I am for serious when i said i injected the autism myself. & ITSNOT WEIRD DW i like drawing legs even if i make them far too long.

&thank you!!

#asks #avery is vry self projectable onto

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mykindoffairytale · 27 days

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Will she be worth it

So many rounds of consideration and contemplation. Rounds and rounds of "I cant do this, I'd rather do paeds, I'm gonna do GM, I prefer singhealth, I need the proximity, I need the opportunities, people suck, they're so judgemental. " All boils down to this application, I pray that if this is for me- I will have it in the palm of my hands, but if not, let it be so far from me that I would look back thinking " what was I even thinking?!". I had some peace when I realised Karis was not just an empty anxious brain, that she held on to Christ more tightly than I had ever known. I pray that I will be lead, I will be held, my hands and feet may falter but my heart knows the reason for the slogging and striving, that I may seek His heart, that I would have my battles fought for me, that I will be lead in His ways despite my worldly plans. That I would one day stop harping on the "the only things I really want in life I cannot have". That I would count my gains for losses, that I will become better, and ultimately I would know at the very end, that my life is not my own, my decisions do not make or break me, that I am clay and Christ is the potter.

So, should you ask me "why IM?" I would say "I enjoy the contemplating, the reasoning, the thinking. I enjoy knowing, helping, and chatting". My weakness is that I cannot yet see my end goal in this, I'm still generally confused, I dont know what subspec I am interested in and I'm quite fearful. Some people like me and some dont. But I'm very resilient, the best I know. For the people I try to cover all bases, I make sure youre safe. I will go miles for you, I will get you that scan (within reasonable limits). I fear mistakes leading to harm, but I am sometimes too compliant with the ideas of others. Dont ask me why NUH, because I cant quite give an answer, apart from I am always here, I live quite near. Why not fam med please see the above. Anyways, human deciders apart, God I pray that if you guide me through, I will go miles with you, if its not your presence that goes with me, I do not want this. If you show me the way, I'll make the drastic U turn, I will move continents for You. Just like all the years before, take this broken heart, take these tainted hands, hold me in Your love and make this heart whole again. Theres nothing about this that I really want, but another milestone in my life (that again is an easy surrender), the struggle comes along the way. LOL

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pinkseas · 1 year

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[parasocial bestie] GOOD MORNING ALY BESTIE i saw ur reblog about love and it had me feeling things,... like gosh that being how i want out of xiaolumi but like??? pettiness has me comparing to common fanon a Lot but aside the shit i love thinking that xiao and lumine's 'love' doesnt feel so much like love, but theres something that leads up to it almost endlessly.

i sorta always like to joke myself in the middle of thinking brainrot angst how lumine constantly rejects herself that she likes xiao due to events that had her going to that revelation, not bc she fears of his rejection but the realization this 'like' doesnt feel like it fits her true feelings to him, a genuineness that doesnt sound complete and certain. like somehow, shes compensating. i have a tendency to voice out lumine's thoughts more than xiao simply bc she's more expressive and solid on her choices, but this is the only matter that she really REALLY felt unsure bc of how rocky her relationship with xiao had been, and how rocky xiao is himself.

its something she's willing to face if it meant he can feel better abt his life, but then also came the fact she prolly does this to make herself better too in having someone to fill the gap where aether had been. and thats never enough, no one has the right shape to fit her brother no matter how close they are, and thats not an exception to xiao.

i did have a small excerpt in my head to express this when paimon joked about how close they'd been, and "Paimon would've thought you really liked him!"

and instead of a comical rebuttal the fairy would just hear something so out of lumine. like a realisation shes resigned into, that she couldnt so anything about it. "... I do like him, Pai. I really,... really like him." ("and it's my biggest mistake to think that.")

like yknow,... like god yknow how personal it felt to me as an aromantic that the word "like" just feels much STRONGER than "love", and doing it to lmi. and the matter to xiao himself is a completely different story, bc while lumine is viewed how much her impression to xiao as a friend held by distance had turned out more than that, for xiao its a developing curiosity he learns about her more and more without counting how important she is to him. that already goes without saying xiao still values her, but its not the centerpoint, because his arc is about being guided.

though it does, in the end, he realizes the curiosity is a sign he 'responds' to lumine's 'like'. and that unfolds in their very last scene together (that got me giggling crying so much since its his ideal ending)

bc to me its not a love story, it's a story of growth in feeling for both of them. like man,... bc in the end it still leads back to that op, that love is a feeling of home. so gentle and warm. and thats how it ends for them, to the very day lumine reunites with aether and they depart from teyvat, did they share goodbyes in an acceptance they replied to each other's... 'love', but not in a way people think. love is shaped in so many meanings, and theirs is only one of them. and this slow development aside their close friendship-to-qpr is so important to me yknow

I HOPE UR HAVING A GOOD NIGHT BESTIE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

this is going to make me explode and die i hope you know. holy shit. holy SHIT. GODDDDDDDDDDDDD. i 100% understand like feeling stronger than love and i LOVE that in regards to this im so im so im so

ITS NOT A LOVE STORY ITS A STORY OF GROWTH REAL TRUE BASED THATS EXACTLY IT ohhhhhhh my God. bestie youre killing me im going to be thinking about this all fucking day im gonna fucking explode IM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

#SORRY I DONT HAVE COHERENT THOUGHTS OR AN EXCUSE FOR NOT HAVING COHERENT THOUGHTS :sob:#loses my mind so cutely over everything abt this #parasocial bestie tag

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trashcanfills · 3 years

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Hero Killer Stain | Akaguro Chizome Relationship Headcanons

Yes I’m here to deliver.

The kind of person to only have very few friends. This guy ain’t the socialising type. I mean look at him he practically oozes lone wolf vibes. Not a people person for sure. He’s definitely socially awkward as fuck though thanks to his poker face that part of him isn’t obvious.

If you do manage to be friends with him though, oh boi where do I even begin?

He is an independent guy so expect like long ass periods of non-contact. He would occasionally check in on you to make sure that you are alive and doing well, sometimes with a text saying hes coming over. If you are lucky he might hang around for a while but apart from that he’s not gon do much (totally not because he’s socially awkward cough cough).

Really thoughtful as hecc. He’s not such an asshole to make any demands for you and your time. With how disillusioned he is with the current state of society, he’s going to cherish all the shit you have done for him, especially when you are one of the only ones who stayed with him despite the bloody path he has chosen.

Mention offhandedly about needing or wanting something? So long as he can afford it, it’s definitely going to appear on your table the next day without a trace of him left in your house. The kind to help around the house when he possibly can. Even if you try to deny his aid he’s not gonna budge at all cus he is one stubborn ass motherfucker. After some time you just give up and let him do what he wants. Though it is kinda funny to see the Hero Killer doing domestic stuff around your house.

However he can be a bit of an insensitive jerk at times. He judges a bit too hastily and makes wrongful assumptions. He also tends to believe that the fault lies within the person themselves whenever theres a problem, and will point it out if you asked for it.

This can result in arguments when you make mistakes or anything cus he will unintentionally make a comment that directly attacks you and your character. I can see that eventually you would reach a breaking point where you cry and/or scream at him about these hurtful comments. Yelling would of course devolve into an argument until you explain your feelings and situation to him such that he understands. Crying would just really hit in the realisation on how shitty his actions were and he would rectify that immediately by comforting you.

Hangouts typically consist of you guys sitting there in silence doing your own thing or watching a movie, or both of you engaging in philosophical discussion about today’s society. Yes because this is Stain we are talking about, expect the topic of False Heroes to come about. Once that happens, you would end up listening through his entire rant on False Heroes and their Unworthiness for the Hero title.

You definitely have engaged in debates with him on dealing with false heroes. He would be respectful of your views so long as they are well supported AND well-rounded arguments. Being one-sided esp towards the heroes would make him dismiss your views since it’s the same opinions adopted by the masses. Acknowledging and accepting that his views and ideals are valid would be a big deal for him, even if you disagree.

Sadly I’m not really sure if it would change much on his hero killing ways. To him, it’s the only solution he feels he could implement to best deal with false heroes, and it’s a necessary evil. Plus, he’s more of the take action guy. He can’t really just sit around, wait and think on what to do when there’s so much at stake. I find that it would be good for him to have a partner to hold him back and properly think through some stuff because of this, if he were to get into a romantic relationship. And speaking of that…

If you are in a romantic relationship with him, it’s just the above friendship qualities multiplied by 10 plus the couple things.

He WILL be a mother hen for his s/o. Regarding his friends, he tends to trust their ability to take care of themselves, only stepping in when needed to. Regarding his partner? He takes responsibility for their wellbeing. If their condition is less than perfect, he’s going to do something about it.

Accidentally cut yourself? He’s already grabbing the first aid kit. Sees you aren’t getting enough sleep? Prepared to be whooshed away and dumped on your bed. Stressed and anxious? He asks you to confide in him about your worries, and if you can’t, at least tell him how he can make you feel better.

God forbid someone lay a hand on you intending harm cus if Stain knows about it, he will straight up gut them. He will interrogate you if he sees an injury on you that’s unlikely to be an accident. He’s not going to budge until you tell him who did it to you, and even if you don’t, he WILL find out on his own. He might end up hurting someone innocent so it’s best if you tell him who did it to save him the trouble. And if they mysteriously disappear from your life, that’s only for the two of you to know :^)

He’s definitely not used to physical affection being the loner he is, so if you initiate and like give him a hug or a kiss he will get flustered and blue screen for a short while. He would also be tense when cuddling for the first few times, then relaxing a little bit afterwards. Uh don’t surprise tackle him out of nowhere unless you want to get slashed or chucked at a wall. As much as he loves to indulge in your affections, he still needs to keep his instincts honed for fighting. You never know when someone might decide to attack the both of you. (You tried to surprise hug him once. It ended up with you getting injured and him attending to your injuries while lecturing you a little about doing that AROUND A SERIAL KILLER WHO KILL HEROES for a LIVING)

But otherwise he doesn’t mind physical affection. He would grow to love it, and would gradually take initiative to touch you at any opportunity if you tell him you are open to it. This does become funny with his brilliant poker face, when you guys are doing your own thing and all of sudden he gets close to you to hug, smooch or cuddle. He gives absolutely no warning whatsoever. It never gets old. Your reactions to him doing this amuses him a lot.

Expect occasional heartfelt speeches on how much he loves you or how much you mean to him. Might not realise this himself but gOd he can be a sMOOTH motherfucker. He is good with words, and gENUINE about what he says about. He will pull off the how I saw the world as a dark ugly place until you came along speech shtick and there will be this Moment of you guys beholding each others presence. THATS how good he is. (I mean you heard him monologing while fighting Izuku, Tenya and Shouto like daamn)

He’s a very practical person and isn’t one to be sentimental. He can’t afford to be sentimental if it can jeopardise him and his loved ones in any way. He’s adamant on not keeping anything of his around in your house cus he doesn’t want you implicated or associated with his murders at all.

Somehow, if you both are really really deep into the relationship, I can see him letting both of you carrying rings from each other. Not worn around the ring finger of course cus that can attract unwanted attention, but rather it being attached to a chain necklace that both of you would have at all times.

It’s kind of a promise and dedication to you, in the sense that, if he could or if he had the chance to, he would have formally proposed to you. He hopes that he can if somehow he fulfils his personal mission, and if both of you can find somewhere peaceful and safe together.

Edit: Realised I forgot to add some stuff in lol, so dont mind that I add more points to this already long ass post. Im on mobile so apologies if formatting is weird.

#hero killer stain #stain x reader #akaguro chizome x reader #akaguro chizome #bnha x reader #mha x reader #hnnnnnngh fuck can u tell how much I love this man

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heathersgameoftag · 3 years

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In your opinion who's the good half of the heathers fandom ?

there isnt really a good half, i cant just list who's on the naughty list and who's on the nice list. there are just people who need to get some better to do than invade spaces that belong to teenagers crushing on some fictional mean high schooler girls to get their rocks off, and theres the minor spaces that i think should be more closed off. idk get a discord or smth and be gay about the heathers there.... you're not gonna want loads of horny heathers posts on your blog which you have to fish for and delete one by one once you end up being too old for it, and you also dont want to put those private details up on display for all to see, y'know??

I dont feel violated from my early days in the fandom, but i regret talking about my sexuality so openly on a public blog with god knows who. i think about that guy i mentioned before, who i kicked out my server for being a consistent creep around us all, and i think.... what were you even doing here. when i revealed far too much about myself at the age of 17, why were you okay with following my blog, joining my (mostly minors) server? the more i think about it, the ickier it feels.

i made a huge mistake encouraging people to talk so openly about nsfw stuff on here, and i suppose this is my formal apology. i didn't realise how stupid i was being to do so, and assumed that it was just me i was putting at risk, and at the time i was okay with that (so past me should apologise to current me too, actually). but that really wasn't the case. i wasn't the first person to do that kind of think in the heathers fandom, but i feel like i was one if the most influential. i have a lot of followers, a lot of people saw it and interacted with it. i thought it was fun at the time, but i should have been so much more careful. most of those asks were on anon, i have no way if knowing if those people were older than me, or worse, younger. i should have thought it through, i was mature enough to understand the consequences of my actions, and yet i didn't think.

all i can really do now is warn the current younger fans in this fandom: don't be public about those private things. i know that when you're 16/17 you feel like you're mature and that because your teenhood is coming to an end, you have a right to explore your sexuality without guilt. and you do. but doing it online in front of so many people isn't the way to do it. you're still young and you're not as mature as you think. so do yourself and everyone around you a favour and keep those talks between friends who are your age (and who you know you can trust). you're not an adult yet, so don't act like one, and certainly don't rush into it. you'll come to regret it.

#not sure what to tag this tbh

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just-a-fangirl13 · 4 years

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Why s5 *might* be the season MacRiley happens

Okay so...Hear me out! I'm not crazy I promise!!

Firstly, after 5x03 (and probably 5x04) it may seem very unlikely that MacRiley could ever happen. But I thought of a few reasons why they might actually happen by the end of s5 after all.... (it gets a lil long winded and kinda complicated but just stick with me till the end!)

1. All the MacRiley moments including the ones in 5x03.

[this Mac smile could not be an accident or something that slipped through both production and post-production right?! that in itself is a whole reason!]

Every Macriley moment we have ever had- whether it's the hugs, Riley saving Mac, Mac saving Riley, the ultimate show of loyalty when Riley went after Mac during Codex or even just the looks exchanged between the two- to any outsider it would seem pretty obvious that they are dating or at least in love. Keep in mind the writers would have written each of those scenes and Lucas and Tristan have acted them out with a specific build up in mind aka MacRiley.(think about the date episode: Riley just got dumped but was still thinking about how Mac might be hungry. She didnt have to do that. She could have just shown up at his place..) I mean how can they write two people so perfectly in sync and so perfect for each other and not have them end up together? It would just be a waste of all that tension and slow burn. (not to mention all the hugs and glances)

2. They know we exist.

The MacRiley fam is very active on twitter with the writers and while they were writing 5x01 they knew we were around. They know we are a huge group. They would not want to risk pissing 90% of the fandom off by not making MacRiley endgame.

[P.S.yes 5x03 was a bait and switch but if you were paying attention you would have noticed that neither Lucas not Tristan live tweeted or hyped up the episode. They knew we would probably hate it so they didnt publicise it too much! so in the future if you have doubts about the episode being a MacRiley one just check their stories or posts on twitter/intstagram]

3. Yes 5x03 happened.

I really think it was an episode they HAD to write. Ok so after 4x13 they had 7 more episodes planned and were filming 4x20 (aka the finale) when the pandemic struck. So they have these 6 episodes but no finale for it. [Idk if anyone else has noticed but in 5x01 there were clearly some parts cut out. For example the conversation between Desi and Riley towards the end seemed a bit jilted. Riley asking Desi to forgive her but Desi replied with yeah we are cool (still no apology ofc) I feel like something happened during that which ended up getting cut out so it could fit with the final story.]

This makes me think that they have rewritten a few bits to tie into the new finale episode. In 5x03 when Mac asked Desi to come fishing with him which was clearly something very personal to him she was like no do better.. then we see Mac's disappointed expression. She could have easily said okay but maybe not for our first date? Or its not really my thing? Or just about anything else rather than laughing in his face like that. Eventhough MD is together they still arent compatible. Mac’s final words in 5x03 was him being desperate. I truly think he is so broken and lost that Desi is the only safe thing left, the only thing he feels like he can fix right now. Once he finds himself again and heals...then it's going to hit him like a pile of bricks!!

4. But Riley doesn't have feelings anymore...WELL doesnt she?

When it comes to Mac, Riley is always in denial. We saw it in s4 when she tells Bozer not to make her say it. I think s5 will show her finally accepting it. Finally accepting that she is in love with her best friend and that it definitely isnt Codex adrenaline because she caught the feels when Codex wasnt even around. While Mac's arc would include realising he and Desi are never going to work and that he is unhappy and that RILEY is the one for him.

[why else would they give Riley feelings for Mac? Something has to come of it.]

5. The slow burn rule.[this point is a lil complicated]

Now season 5 is rumoured to have 13 episodes. So here’s what I think: If MacGyver follows the pattern that most shows do when it comes to slow burns, then technically MacRIley should have happened at the end of season 4. But since the season got cut short and they didnt get to air/finish their final episode the writers had to improvise.

From what I know, 4x19 which is 5x04 for us is the episode where Mac meets Desi’s parents and 4x20 was supposed to be the finale that was left unfinished.(they are definitely moving the timeline ahead if a pre finale episode is suddenly a mid season one.) There might have been a 4x21 or 4x22 but I haven't heard anything about those....EVER.

So what I think they have decided to do instead is extend the MD storyline a bit longer just so they dont end up scrapping all their s4 episodes where they would be together and write a new finale that ties everything together, aka MacRiley.

If you think about episode counts, s4 and s5 together would have 26 episodes which is a how long a normal season runs. Basically what im trying to say is if we follow the ‘slow burns end by s4’ and take season 5 as an extension of 4 then MacRiley should get together in the season 5 finale or maybe the episode just before. (IM REALLY TRYING TO GET SOME LOGIC INTO THIS)

This would be a typical TV thing too where the couple finds out about each other’s feelings while the main arc of the show is also at its peak, which perfectly sets up a future season where fans are hyped but still has a satisfying ending.

6. So what about MacDesi?

So far the macgyver writers have given us characters we love. Think of every character on the show apart from maybe Desi... Mac, Riley, Bozer, Jack, Matty, Leanna, Samantha, Russ and even Murdoc. WE LOVE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. So then why is Desi such a strange character? I think shes purposely been written as an opposite to Mac or even Riley (I get she’s supposed to kinda replace Jack but Jack is really irreplaceable).

It's not necessarily a bad thing its just not a great thing to do or have great execution. People have said things like Desi is a badass and shouldnt have to apologise or say I love you back to her boyfriend because she is a strong woman...I'm sorry but your opinion of who a strong woman is, is EXTREMELY skewed. A strong woman is someone who can make mistakes and when she does, she is ‘strong’ enough to own up to it, she is loyal and fierce and also caring while being a badass who can take down bad guys. And for GODS SAKE, RILEY DAVIS IS A STRONG WOMAN...people have called her mushy and feminine on twitter and I'm just very confused by that.....

Anyways before I go off on a rant, it seems like Desi is intentionally being written this way. Every opportunity they get to redeem her and make her more relatable or just a better person they just dont take it. While Rileys character arc is one of the best I've ever seen. Either its intentional or they’ve forgotten how to write characters...which is worrisome but ill give them the benefit of the doubt.

The writers also know we dont like Desi. The amount of times we've tagged them in the toxic posts or pointed out problematic things we can be sure they've seen at least half of those. So theres no way they dont know. RIGHT?

So why then is MD still a thing you may ask??

Well for one they cant break them up again off screen because of those unreleased s4 episodes. (not to mention the other parts of the audience who arent as invested in mac’s love life would probably be very confused.)

Secondly Mac has to be the one to pull the plug, not Desi. 4x13 made it seem like Desi was the annoyed one not Mac. He apologised to her which meant he wanted to fix things.

Thirdly, they are opening the chpt one last time before they permanently close it. MD is going to be a stark contrast to macriley(it already is in every way possible). Every issue Mac and Desi had can be used to show how amazing macriley really is as two people who arent even dating yet.

Fourthly, MD being together is a sort of commentary on Macs mental health as well. We can see how happy he is with Riley but around Desi he becomes some one else. If the writers are doing this on purpose or subconsciously still remains to be seen.

And Yes keeping MD around for a few more episodes seems like a necessary risk right now but I have a feeling its going to be worth it later.

[I know we have had like 4 desi entered episodes already but I really think 5x04 will be the last of it since 5x05 is the Jack episode and 5x06 is Mac+Riley+Bozer episode with no mention of Desi at all!]

The writers know we are a dedicated bunch and they know that once MD breaks up for the last time the entire fandom will be waiting and watching. That's when the show will be at its peak. That will be the perfect moment to bring in MacRiley’s arc to a new start!

Congrats if you stuck with me through this whole thing! if you agree/disgaree with any of these or have other reasons why they could be endgame in s5 let me know!!

#MacGyver #Angus MacGyver #macgyvercbs #Riley davis #macriley #cbs #macxriley #macriley is endgame #otp #wilt bozer #Matilda webber #Lucas till #Tristin Mays #cbsmacgyer #russ taylor #macisback #macgyver season 5

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sneakydraws · 4 years

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Well, here it is - a lengthy explanation of each card in my mdzs major arcana deck and what I meant to convey/what i would have changed in retrospect/what alternatives i considered! It’s a bit messy and my typing style is lazy but hopefully it will be an interesting read to some of you :)

And so you don’t say I didn’t warn you - jiang cheng’s section (11 justice) is absurdly long lmao

0 the fool I elaborated on this in the post itself but yeah basically jin ling is kind of representative of all the damage and trauma caused by the past, and there’s a kind of danger there of him falling victim to the same vices as the older characters and repeating the same mistakes and perpetuating the cycle of war and misery (the cycle that we already see with how the jin sect became the new wen sect, and later with how jgy became the new wwx) and he has a lot of room to grow! He grows so much over the course of the novel, comes to realise the complexities of the past and gets a harsh life lesson in how nothing is as black and white as it seems. But ill save talking about his progress for the end, for now whats important is that he has room to grow and also a dog. I don’t really have a justification for the sun, i mostly just thought it looked sick? It made its way to the next card as well, where it makes a bit more sense, but then i realised it was a dumb motif to include 1 the magician I still very much like wwx for the role, and that illustration would have probably had him raising a corpse on his left and pointing threateningly to the sun on his right. I considered including the table as well, with some mdzs relevant items replacing the card suits. Anyway, like i said wwx got a few cards to himself already so i went with the alternative wq design, since i think she fits the card as well. Both she and wwx are highly skilled people, extremely driven once they set their mind to something. The card to me symbolises the creative mind as well as a general drive for action, which fits them both - wwx was famously a prolific inventor, and wq came up with a previously unheard of surgery, after all. This card strays pretty far from the rider-waite deck design, largely because i was still figuring out how i wanted to approach this series, but you can still see the influence. 2 the high priestess I was actually going to skip this card at first because I couldn’t think of a fitting character, but once i considered a qings character post death, it all fit pretty well. She was already a highly intuitive person in life, and in sharing her memories with wwx she is, in a way, relaying a kind of secret knowledge. Anyway she’s one of my fav characters so im glad i got a chance to include her. The coffins could be interpreted to be xxc and sl or xxc and xy 3 the empress Theres other mother figures in mdzs who got to be mothers for a longer time, but jyl definitely embodies the positive aspects of this card the best. She’s nurturing, kind, emotionally supportive, she already mothered wwx and jc quite a bit when she was young. Plus i liked that the rw card had both water and flowers, making an easy lotus connection. In retrospect the stars look kind of out of place and i should have replaced them with something more relevant... Also, i should have had her hold a lotus seed pod instead of a flower, haha 4 the emperor Like i said I considered jc for the role but hoching bullied me into admitting that nmj was better… they’re both more of an inverted emperor than an upright one but then again theres hardly any character in mdzs who would fit upright emperor so. Jgs was also considered but he’s even uglier than nmj so i couldn’t bear to draw him 5 the hierophant It was pointed out to me that lqr would have fit this card better and the truth if that statement haunts me to this day. Unfortunately I have no space in my brain for lqr so lxc got the role instead. My main reason was his role during the wen destruction of gusu lan, when he ran away with the contents of the library - this is why there’s bookshelves behind him. The keys, take, from the rider-waite deck, are meant to represent the gusu pendants that allow you to enter 6 the lovers Im sure many people would have chosen wangxian here but I uhh don’t really care abt wangxian personally? And also their love story is so convoluted that jyl and jzx seem idyllic by comparison lol. Also i didnt really have an idea for who to put in the angel’s place for wangxian… mme jin certainly did not get these two together in the end but undeniably she and mme yu did initially give them a chance to fall for each other so. Thats something i guess. Anyway the trees became their sects’ flowers and the mountain became the burial grounds - an omen of their tragic fate, basically 7 the chariot There might have been other characters who fit this card better but i couldn’t really think of another card for lwj and i thought it would be weird to not include him… anyway i don’t really care for current timeline lwj BUT i do like that he was clearly influenced by wwx to walk his own path in life based on his moral convictions rather than follow his sect’s rules blindly. The chariot is to me a card of self control, self determination and focused action, so it seemed fitting. The composition felt kind of empty without the actual chariot so i padded it out with the guqin, the cloud recess in the bg (it doesn’t look great but i tried to replicate the drama design….) and the bunnies which conveniently fit the colour scheme of the sphinxes in the rider-waite design 8 strength Like i said before, my interpretation of this card is more… morally ambiguous than the quote unquote official meaning, so i thought about manipulative or duplicitous characters more than kind characters whose strength is expressed through gentleness (though i did consider jyl briefly for the latter interpretation). As such, i considered both jgy and nhs, but ended up going with jgy largely because i couldn’t pass up the opportunity to put the nie sect’s beast as the lion. 9 the hermit My thoughts immediately went to bssr lol. It may be an overly literal interpretation but whatever, i like it just fine. And i like that i managed to echo the rider-waite silhouette in the mountain and the tree (and even in bssr herself) 10 wheel of fortune God i love the parallels between these 2… this card to me is about how you cant trust your current situation, good or bad, to last forever, and these 2 embody that perfectly imo. Wwx went from son of a well off servant and a powerful cultivator, to street rat orphan, to adopted son of sect leader jiang, to double orphan, to MIA, to terrifying but admired warrior, to terrifying and despised traitor, to dead, to, at the very end, suddenly respected and trusted again. The dishonesty and cheapness of whatever the public’s current opinion of him is is portrayed beautifully as far as im concerned. And jgy of course claws his way up to power only to instantaneously become public enemy number one, to the point that he’s probably blamed for stuff there’s no reason to believe he had a hand in. Wei wuxian’s silent astonishment at how quickly the cultivation world turns against jgy and towards him again is a delicious moment of thematic resonance. 11 justice I settled on this card for jc after he got booted from the emperor seat but i do think it fits, in a somewhat convoluted way. I turned both the sword and the scales into visual representations of the golden core transfer (can you tell im obsessed with it). According to biddy tarot, the justice card is partly about searching for the truth, and the scene where jc finds out about the transfer is of course a big deal. I was also very influenced by the reversed meaning again - which is about being reluctant or unwilling to face or accept the consequences of your actions. I feel on an intuitive level that this fits jc but I’m not sure how well i can explain it - it’s something about how he’s a little too comfortable scapegoating wwx for things that were also, if much less so, influenced by his actions, and also something about the way he keeps wwx at an arm’s length emotionally but still leans on him and accepts his support when he really needs it, and somewhat hypocritically expects wwx to put the needs of him and the jiang sect before the needs of others. And also something about the core exchange is the consequence and proof of wwx’s deep - terrifyingly deep, even - love and care for him, which is something jc doesn’t seem to let himself acknowledge. Maybe even something about how you could argue that the way all of the jiangs acted around wwx - jfm’s favouritism that left him with the feeling of a debt he needs to repay, mme yus insistence that he be a servant more than a brother to jc, prepared to give his life for jc, and jc’s own unwillingness - or inability, he was a child after all - to clearly acknowledge wwx as an equal to himself, enabling wwx’s self sacrificial and protective tendencies - that all of this was what caused wwx’s complete and unquestioning willingness to do whatever it took to protect jc, and therefore paved the way to the golden core transfer. And i don’t mean this to be scapegoating jc - especially considering how young he was when this all went down, it wouldn’t be fair to expect this level of emotional perceptiveness, awareness and maturity of him - but i think adult jc has to grapple with the fact that the chain of cause and effect was not as simple as wwx fucking everyone’s lives up to be a martyr, and that both jc and his parents had a role in that story as well. I don’t even necessarily think this is something that jc only realised in the current timeline - i think it’s something he felt on some level this whole time, and it probably led to a lot of feelings of guilt - but the suibian reveal definitely puts it in sharp focus, and i think he’s now better equipped to handle this introspection than he was as a recently orphaned, traumatised teenager, lol. ANYWAY the window with the fabric is both a nod to the rider-waite design and a reference to the destruction of lanling - i actually did some basic ass research for this, and it seems that in ancient china fabric would indeed be hanged in a window if the normally used paper was damaged. The design of the window, as well as the very idea to use it to imply the reconstruction of lanling, was taken from this great piece of jc angst by my pal moroll1! Oh yeah also the covered window kind of works as a denial of forgiveness for jc because it’s like a halo but covered up... Also I completely forgot to put a blindfold over his eyes which would be perfectttt because blind justice and the core exchange......... ok moving on 12 the hanged man I always have issues with this card because i cant find a satisfactory summary of what it’s really about. Best i can tell it symbolises a need to hit pause, surrender or let go of something… ive also seen it tied to sacrifice? So mo xuanyu doesn’t fit perfectly, but sacrifice is definitely there in a surface level reading kind of way, and the idea that you have to surrender or let go in order to achieve your goal does fit the whole deal of getting revenge but giving up your life in exchange and not being there to see it 13 death This is probably one of my favourite cards, definitely not because I have huge issues with change or anything…. I see this card as signalling the necessity of change or putting an end to something / leaving something in the past in order to start anew? At first i considered putting past wwx, mxy and current wwx here as a kind of transformation and one cycle flowing into the next... But firstly, I’d already used mxy in the very previous card, so putting him in again would feel like overkill, and secondly, the longer I thought about it the less convinced I was that this would even fit with the card’s meaning? Because coming back from the dead doesn’t like... trigger an internal transformation within wwx or anything? Anyway, fun fact: the design I ended up going with was actually originally intended for judgement! I thought I was being very clever with the whole “figure plays an instrument and the dead rise” parallel, but apparently I’d just completely forgotten that the judgement card had a completely different composition... Truly I was boo boo the fool... But yeah anyway at the end of the day I figured the design would kind of work for death as well, with Wen Ning and the theme of transformation, (since in his case coming back as a fierce corpse does actually mark a certain transformation in behaviour) and Wei Wuxian’s protection of the Wen people essentially signifying an attempt to break the cycle of oppression if that makes any sense? Like, wwx is trying to revolutionise the way the world works a bit, if you catch my drift 14 temperance The centrist card! Again this is probably going off track from the “official” interpretation, but to me this card has a certain “don’t commit fully; do everything in moderation; don’t take either side” flavour to it that i personally find infuriating irl and that i very much assign to lxc. It’s entirely possible that I’m misinterpreting his character because i didn’t really pay him (and the 3zun in general) much mind while reading, but hell, I’m allowed to pick favourites and choose who i want to interpret deeply vs shallowly. Again, i wish id chosen lqr for hierophant because its so annoying for a character i don’t care about to get two cards…. But oh well 15 the devil My alternative idea for this was jgy as the devil and lxc plus nmj as the figures, but since all three had been featured already (multiple times, even!) i figured I’d go with xy instead, especially since he’s among my faves lol. I think the devil signifies something along the lines of unhealthy attachment, obsession or addiction, which isn’t 100% accurate in the case of xxc and a-qing, but if i stretch it a bit to cover toxic relationships in general, and especially manipulation or negative influence, i don’t think it’s half bad. My main struggle here was to choose who amongst the xxc/sl/aq trio to choose for the human figures. 16 the tower Arguably jin zixuans death and the following massacre of nightless city were the final and most direct reason for the siege of burial mounds, and the tiger seal is good shorthand for wwx’s loss of control over his powers, which led to the deaths of jzx and jyl. When reimagining major arcana i like to feature some kind of building in this card (spoilers for a possible future project but in my rose of versailles major arcana set the tower is bastille) and even if it’s not a tower, the image of wwx looming over the gathered crowd from atop a rooftop is so good i couldn’t resist 17 the star Struggled with this one - considered both jin ling and lsz for it, as symbolising a hope for the future, but that was kind of covered by the world so it wouldn’t make sense to include here as well... As usual when I struggle with interpreting a card (as opposed to understanding it but struggling with matching a character to it, like with death or moon) I went to biddy tarot and read all the details about its meaning. What i got was that this card signifies an incoming period of introspection and inner peace following a time of turmoil, as well as a general moving on into a new, better phase of one’s life or finding new meaning and purpose. The figure also suggests someone vulnerable, but possessing a keen sense of intuition as well as a good degree of practicality and common sense. Given all those, I settled for mianmian because IM LOVE HER..... I also kind of see her as a prelude to the “just one person is enough” theme present in tgcf!! And i think her decision to abandon her sect because she saw the toxicity and corruption in it is a very inspiring action - even if it didn’t make a large visible impact, i think the appearance of her and her idyllic family at the very end of the novel - paralleling and mirroring wangxian - implies that at the end of the day, it was a meaningful one 18 the moon Another card i ALWAYS fuxking struggle with - this time less because i can’t grasp its meaning and more because I can never find a character that fits it well. I usually get fixated on the “dreams and subconscious” part, but if i lean more on the “disguise, deceit, anxiety and fear” part, i eventually figured the whole yi city arc wouldn’t be a bad fit. I say the entire arc because it really does encompass all those themes if you include both the past and the present - xue yang’s disguise, his tricks with the villagers, a-qing’s lies and even xxc’s reluctance to talk about his past as well as xue yang pretending to be xxc all fit the disguise and deceit angle, and the general mystery and creepiness of the current timeline yi city work well with the anxiety and fear - the mist, the slow uncovering of the past, even a-qing being revealed to be an ally after scaring the shit out of the protags. I definitely struggled with including all the elements and characters, and even moreso with making them vaguely fit the rider-waite composition, but i think it ended up okay ish. OH and i completely forgot to draw mist swirling around them :( 19 the sun I was considering mianmian’s family for this one, but since I used her for star, I ended up with wwx and his parents instead. Once again I’m reinterpreting the card a bit - normally I think it symbolises incoming times of pure happiness and abundance, as well as a connection with the inner child, but I gave it more of a nostalgic or sentimental twist - wwx looking back at the brief glimpse of his happy childhood. 20 judgement another card that i struggle to interpret a bit... Here i actually used the tgcf tarot zine as a reference! In it judgement is summarised as “rebirth, following duty, absolution” SO i figured that nhs, mxy and wwx all together would fit pretty neatly... wwx achieving (public) absolution through clearing his own name after being reborn, and nhs sort of calling on wwx to expose jgy’s crimes... It’s a bit messy but not bad I think! 21 the world This ties very closely to my read on mdzs as a story - which is that it’s, at the end of the day, largely about cycles, and about how hard it is to break them, but how we gotta keep trying and have hope anyway. Or maybe more precisely, that the people directly involved with and influenced by the trauma of the past might not be able to get over said trauma and that the hope for healing from it will be shouldered by the new generation. Or something like that… Basically what i mean is that jc and wwx and lwj and lxc and nhs and jgy and all these people who were in the thick of the sunshot campaign and the siege are so profoundly affected by it that it genuinely feels by the end of the story like there is little hope for them to ever truly overcome that trauma and build a better future without repeating the same old mistakes - but there is a glimmer of hope in the new generation, specifically in jl and lsz. And it’s a bit paradoxical, because they have also been directly impacted by the past tragedies - lsz having his entire clan wiped out after wwx failed to protect them, jl losing both his parents to wwx’s mistakes - but despite that loss, and despite coming from arguably the two opposing sides of the past conflicts, they are both, in the end, capable of moving past that tragedy, of recognising the complicated nature of those conflicts (jl’s moment of clarity at the end is both heartbreaking and hopeful) and forging friendships between clans in the process. I honestly think that the extra where jl is struggling to assert his authority as sect leader, to treat his subjects well and to cooperate with other sects in a truly amicable way is the single hopeful ending note for the larger themes of the novel - it allows us to imagine that maybe these kids can learn from the mistakes of their elders rather than getting sucked in by resentment at those mistakes, and actually build a brighter future for the cultivation world. And sidenote, this is also why i have a soft spot for jin ling and lan sizhui as a ship... speaking of which their poses were directly referenced from the lovers card ehehe

Looking back, I’d like to add some symbol of jin ling’s trauma so that it mirrors baby wen yuan in the tree stump... maybe his father’s sword?

#mdzs #mo dao zu shi #tarot

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