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#god this is a lot of slander sorry yall
nerdy-stilinski · 1 year
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A Comprehensive Bitch-Fest of the Teen Wolf Movie
Alright guys, as promised, here is the comprehensive text post of the Teen Wolf Movie. 
Under this cut will contain a pretty extensive plot (for those of us who don’t want to watch the movie). I’m gonna do another post under this one with my personal thoughts, and some fun little bones to pick with Mr. Davis surrounding canon (or lack thereof, as it were) and uh. Plot decisions all around. 
Most importantly, though, THERE WILL BE SPOILERS! If you haven’t seen the movie, and you don’t want spoilers, PLEASE DO NOT LOOK UNDER THE CUT! 
I’m sure there won’t be much anyone hasn’t seen, yet, but I digress. 
⚠️HERE BE SPOILERS!⚠️ 
PLOT
We open with Liam and Hikari (the new kitsune) at some sort of restaurant in what appears to be rural Japan.
Somebody, who we later learn is Harris (and tbh, you would pick up on it if you paid any attention at ALL in seasons 1-3. I literally wrote IS THAT HARRIS????? WHAT THE FUCK the moment i saw him.), comes in looking for the triskelion container that the nogitsune is trapped in. He puts an Argent round on the counter, which I still cannot fathom why, because it’s never addressed. 
Naturally, a scuffle occurs, Harris shoots Liam and Hikari, and he says something about how he wants revenge on Beacon Hills before he opens the box. A firefly flies out, you get the gist. 
The movie cuts to LA, and shows a building in the process of collapsing. Deaton is out front, talking to a firefighter about how he’s called someone they call “the Alpha” to rescue a girl and her dog from the building. 
Yep, you guessed it, folks. Scott McCall runs an animal shelter in LA next to Deaton’s new veterinary practice. 
Scott obviously goes in the building, which partially collapses on him, but flashes his eyes at the dog, and saves the girl and the dog when the building collapses around them. 
The main credits roll, opening the movie. It is evident upon opening credits that Scott, Allison, Lydia, and Malia are going to be the main characters. Kudos, though. The credits were cool. 
We cut to Scott’s animal shelter (or Deaton’s vet hospital? unclear). Scott and Deaton have a discussion where Deaton has to explain the word “wistful” to a 30-year-old Scott and Scott repeats it like he’s studying for the SATs. I’m all for nostalgia but uh. That one icked me out. Anyways, Scott goes to lock up, and then sees a vision of Allison, reenacting the first night he met her when she hit the dog and took it to the vet. He shakes it off, but hears the dogs barking in the back , and he goes to investigate. 
Surprise, it’s Argent pointing a gun at Scott. It freaks Scott out, but they bro hug it out, like men. He’s come back to see Scott because he’s been seeing Allison too, in these weird dreams and visions. 
Argent has the katana the oni used to kill Allison, and is convinced they need to take it to Beacon Hills to put her to rest or something? 
Scott, obviously not noticing that the vibes are Rancid, agrees, and they decide to head back to BH, which they both haven’t been back to in a while, it seems like. 
Cut scene to Lydia, giving some sort of presentation and walking around a very high-end company of some sort. We find out that Lydia, instead of actually putting information in the booklets she handed out to the tour, has written Allison over and over again. (it’s also implied that the person they use as a plot device to introduce this was or is, in some way, romantically involved with Lydia).
Lydia runs to her office, where she has one of her banshee visions, and writes a ton of stuff on various pieces of paper in a pattern we can’t yet discern. She’s getting flashbacks of Allison the entire time. 
Cut scene. Eli Hale (i squealed. im not above that. that’s derek’s boy, guys) is breaking into what appears to be some kind of impound lot. He hotwires what is apparent to us is Stiles’s Jeep. 
Eli busts out of the chain link fencing, and is hauling ass and driving down a very recognizable Beacon Hills road. He flies by a parked Sheriff’s Department patrol vehicle, and we see it’s driven by Parrish. 
Cut to what appears to be the Preserve. Mason, a deputy (more on that later. i hate it) walks over to the Sheriff, and asks if Parrish should deal with their consultant’s issue. It is clear they are talking about Eli, and the Sheriff says he’ll handle it. 
Derek walks out of the forest (notes: DERKE. COMING OUT OF THE WOODS. SDJHFKDHSGKJHDSGH. DEREK. DEREK.) which has clearly been burned, and informs the Sheriff that the arsonist used chemical accelerant. He then tells the Sheriff that “we should be calling your son” to which the Sheriff replies “he has his own fires to put out.” This is one of MAYBE 5 Stiles mentions in the movie. 
The Sheriff asks Derek why he keeps stealing the Jeep, to which Derek replies, “because he knows I hate it.” (your honor. that’s gay.) 
Cut to Eli still driving, and the Jeep’s tires go flat. He’s ambushed by the Sheriff, Parrish, and his father. Derek tells him they’ll talk about it later. 
Cut to the cemetery Allison was buried at. Scott’s there, and he goes to her grave. The cemetery is overgrown, uncared for. Lydia pulls up, and Scott thanks her for getting there so fast, but she just gives him a big hug. 
They decide that they need to do something about this Allison thing, too. Scott repeatedly punches Allison’s marker, until it cracks. 
Cut to the McCall’s. Scott, Lydia, and Argent are around the island, where the katana in its’ case is sitting. Argent asks Lydia what her drawings mean, and she says she has no idea. She hasn’t used her banshee powers in a while and is out of practice. When someone asks why, and she’s silent, Jackson walks in, saying “Stiles. It obviously has something to do with Stiles” 
Lydia called Jackson in from London to help, and Jackson states that Ethan doesn’t know he’s there, because he doesn’t want anything to do with BH. 
Jackson promptly starts putting Lydia’s papers together like a puzzle, which, surprise surprise, is in the shape of the nemeton, with the word “BARDO” written boldly in the middle (a refresher: bardo is the space between death and rebirth, as believed by Tibetan Buddhism) 
Cut to Derek’s house, where he’s pulling up to (in the ugliest tan vehicle, a Nissan Xterra if my eyes don’t deceive me. bring back the FJ. this is cursed). He and Eli go into the house, and when Derek goes to hang up the keys, he promptly rips the hook off the wall. 
He scolds Eli for breaking the law, yet again, to which Eli responds, “oh, because you never broke the law?” (good comeback, kiddo.) Derek then asks Eli if this is about “the other thing” and we learn that Eli still can’t shift, despite being 15. Derek insists that he can teach Eli, and Eli asks, “what if I’m the first hale to not turn into a werewolf?” 
Derek tells Eli that it might make life easier, and when Eli asks “my life, or yours?”, Derek doesn’t respond. Eli runs to his room, and Derek mutters, in the way a tired parent would, “definitely mine.” 
We cut to where Parrish is driving the Jeep back to the lot, and he drives by the building where the lot is housed, emblazoned, “Hale Auto.” (notes: ITS HALE AUTO. DEREK RUNS AN AUTO SHOP. SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP ETC. OHHHHH MY GOD) 
Parrish walks into the shop, into the office, and Malia enters, butt-ass naked, and ambushes Parrish with a kiss. (again. more on this later. because absolutely not). they have sex (off screen obvi this is still teen wolf) and they have a conversation that makes it evident that Malia wants them to remain friends with benefits, and Parrish wants a relationship. 
Cut back to Derek’s house. He knocks on Eli’s door, and asks him if he wants to practice lacrosse before his game (it was established earlier that Eli is pretty bad at lacrosse. it’s giving Stiles but more on that later) 
Eli doesn’t answer, so Derek opens the door, and it cuts to the open window, obvious Eli has run away. (why didn’t he hear that? not sure. whatever.) 
Cut back to the Preserve. Scott and Lydia pull up in Scott’s red truck to one of the gates, Malia standing there waiting for them. It’s obvious Scott hasn’t seen Malia since they broke up off-screen, because he’s weird about it. Lydia tells Malia she missed her while hugging her, and Malia says the same thing. Lydia replies “no you didnt” and Malia says “I wanted to.” that one kinda. it kinda got me idk. 
Scott and Lydia have asked Malia to help them find the nemeton. They have the katana with them. 
Cut back to... somewhere? An enclosed space, of some kind. Might be the weird Argent batcave. Anyways. Deaton and Argent are there, and Deaton is grilling Argent with riddles, which Argent answers easily, but with increasing agitation. Eventually, Argent snaps, and snarls at Deaton, face mutating to look similar to the oni. Deaton sends mountain ash into Argent’s throat, and a firelfy is forced out. It becomes evident to everyone at this point that the nogitsune is back, at least to everyone but Scott, Malia, and Lydia. ffs. 
Cut back to Scott, Malia, and Lydia. Malia is sending them in circles looking for the nemeton, and it’s obvious she has no idea where it is. Scott yanks Eli Hale from behind a tree (very reminiscent of Scott in s1e1), and Eli’s been following them. He divests that sometimes he sleepwalks to the nemeton. Super normal. normal kid stuff. 
Eli leads them to the nemeton, and they immediately try to get rid of him. Eli tells them they’ll tell his dad they’re here, to which they IMMEDIATELY (ie Scott) say “it’s kind of personal” which, from Derek Hale, is really fucking rich. but again. later. it’s pretty clear they’re excluding him because he might actually have, i dunno, an objective opinion. god. sorry. fuck this. 
Lydia gets the sword in the nemeton and the nemeton absorbs it. not to be that guy but this is obviously a bad idea and we all knew it. (note: i wanna know why we didn’t instantly think that this is a bad idea this is so obviously a bad idea) 
They all turn to leave, and at their backs, the nemeton begins to emit a light blue glow. they turn, and find Allison naked on the stump. Scott stares, and they’re all like “how is she alive??” like god guys 
They drive Allison to the hospital, where Melissa is the first person to go “why are you holding a girl that looks exactly like Allison” like a normal person. Melissa gets her set up in a bed, yknow the drill. 
Cut back to the nemeton, which is glowing and spewing fireflies like it’s going out of style. The nogitsune appears on top of it, manifesting out of smoke, and says “chaos! pain! strife” in his campy little way. 
Cut to Beacon Hills High, where the lacrosse team is filing in and coach is giving one of his goofy ass speeches. he was probably the only genuine nostalgia in this movie that I enjoyed. 
Eli drops his crosse as he walks in and runs smack into the Sheriff, who’s standing right in front of the stairwell. Derek is actually in the stairwell, lurking in what I would describe as classic Derek fashion. Derek tells him he’s there to watch him play, and when Eli tells him he’ll probably sit on the bench, Derek tells him he’s gonna talk to coach about that. Eli protests, but Derek calls out to coach, and the Sheriff blocks Eli from running after him. 
Sheriff tells Eli that he’s not really here to watch him play -- he’s here to provide support for Derek and his delinquent son. He then threatens to arrest Eli, have him tried as an adult, and put him in a state penitentiary for 90 days if he steals the Jeep again. Eli, looking nervous, asks if his dad put him up to this. The Sheriff says maybe, but asserts that he’d do it. 
Cut to Derek in Coach’s office, and asking for more playing time for Eli. Coach negotiates four minutes, and only if they’re winning. Which is very Coach of him. 
Cut back to the hospital, where Melissa, Scott, Malia, and Lydia are contemplating if Allison is going to wake up, or if she’s “normal.” Melissa is the one who asserts that we don’t know if this is the real Allison. 
When they look back, Allison is gone from her bed. She’s obviously going through it when we see her -- getting flashbacks from when she was actively trying to kill the werewolves, hearing Kate, Victoria, etc in her ears, and this is obviously the nogitsune. 
Allison, once they find her, is immediately combative, and trying to escape. She kicks everyone’s ass, including Scott’s, who she cuts across the cheek, and he heals, exposing himself as a werewolf. She only remembers Derek as the alpha, though, and wants to kill him -- she’s after the alpha. So she bolts, leaving them all behind. She runs into Deaton and Argent, who enter the hospital, and she runs from him, which is devastating for me even as somebody who is not an Argent girlie. 
Cut to the Sheriff’s Department, where Mason tells the Sheriff that they have another problem. They’ve caught pictures of the guy in a dark, heavy coat with a hood (it’s Harris. We know it’s Harris) and he’s the one who’s been lighting the forest on fire. The Sheriff orders Mason with Parrish, and a new deputy with him, to the forest to investigate. This leaves one deputy alone in the department. I’m sure we see where this is going. 
The deputy hears a noise in the cells, grabs his gun, and moves that way. The nogitsune is in the cell, and he tells the deputy he’s a kitsune who never knew he was a kitsune. He steals the deputy’s tails “to summon other bodies” which is about as frightening as it sounds. 
Cut to the Argent’s batcave, where Allison is currently arming herself with a crossbow, arrows, daggers, and a longbow. The nogitsune is whispering her name, and she goes, armed, into one of the weird side pipes, where the nogitsune is standing. The nogitsune tells Allison it’s her friend, she doesn’t believe him right away, so it starts impersonating Victoria. The nogitsune is convincing her to get revenge on the people that stopped it, and its plan is to have the betas killed before the alpha. Allison just doesn’t know who the alpha is, obviously. There’s mention of the divine move, again, yknow. 
Back to the BHHS locker rooms, where Derek is carrying Eli into the locker room because he twisted his ankle. Eli isn’t healing because he can’t shift, or whatever. Derek tries to encourage him to shift, and this is when Allison sneaks into the locker room, crossbow and all, and immediately starts trying to kill Derek. 
Derek reacts on autopilot, and starts fighting Allison, telling Eli to run. He slams Alison against the lockers, wolfed out, and Allison notices that his eyes are blue. Derek obviously recognizes Allison and falters, but manages to run out of the locker room door. While he runs out, he gets shot in the neck, and he is immediately gushing blood, lying on the ground and crawling away from Allison, who moves towards him purposefully. 
Liam shows up right on time to try and save Derek, along with Hikari, Scott, and Malia. Allison has left BHHS. The whole time Derek is bleeding he’s begging them to find Eli, make sure he’s safe, he’s gone to the shop. Scott tells Derek to hang in there, but Derek passes out. We’re unsure if he’s alive or dead (read: i thought he was dead. i was sobbing) 
Cut to the scene of the arson with the Sheriff, Parrish, and Mason. The Sheriff recognizes the noise that precedes the oni, and immediately draws his gun. The oni appear, and immediately start fighting the Sheriff and deputies. 
Cut to Scott’s truck -- Derek is still very much alive. But they can’t find Eli, and they’re afraid because he can’t run. 
Back to the Preserve with the deputies. Mason is immediately cut down by an oni, vanishing into smoke. It looks like the Sheriff is going to get cut, but Parrish catches his blade with a flaming hand. 
They’re carrying Derek into Melissa’s; he’s still bleeding from his neck, but keeps repeating “you have to find Eli.” At this point, Peter appears from god knows where holding a blowtorch? Because they mentioned they needed to cauterize Derek’s wound and people just. Have those. love you pete. Derek cries out “no!” repeatedly as Peter blowtorches his wound (spoiler alert: i cried like a little bitch again.) 
Scott goes looking for Lydia to fix this little clusterfuck we have ourselves in, and before he leaves, Melissa asks Scott if there’s any chance that this is really Allison (essentially encouraging him to give her a chance) 
Cut back to Eli at Hale auto. He’s driving Derek’s horrible car to fill it up, and the gas isn’t pumping well. It’s pouring rain, he’s nervous, and naturally Allison comes in hauling ass. She hits his car with hers, sending it into the pump, gasoline still pumping onto the ground. Eli manages to get into Hale Auto with his key. 
Cut to the Sheriff’s Department, where Lydia, Jackson, Hikari, and Liam are in the Sheriff’s office. They’re all looking for clues. like. scooby doo. 
And we’re back to Melissa’s! Where everyone (Melissa, Argent, Deaton, and Peter) has agreed that Allison is a replica meant to trick everyone. 
And back to Hale’s Auto! So much happening sorry guys. Eli is limping through the shop and the cars in repair, eventually sliding down against one. Allison is also lurking through the shop, weapons at the ready. Eli slips around, and grabs a wrench. (note: okay eli be smart about this you dumbass 15 year old) And instead of being smart, he lunges at her with a wrench and promptly gets his ass beat. 
Fortunately enough for everyone, because Derek Hale is down like Jeff Davis is so fond of, Scott shows up to save the day. They run out of the shop, and back by the impounded cars. Scott gives Eli the werewolf pep talk, naturally, because Eli doesn’t have a father already (sorry guys im so bitter), and he roars at Eli. Eli’s eyes flash gold, and he heals. Now they can run. They run through the forest, like they do in teen wolf, and Scott stops and tells Eli he’s gonna have to run. His hand is all gross where Allison cut him because wolfsbane, and he thinks he’s gonna try and talk Allison down. 
Eli says “my dad told me he almost had to have his arm cut off once because of wolfsbane.” Scott replies with, “Eli, go find your dad. I think I might need his help.” (note: oh NOW you need his help scott) Eli runs off, Scott’s facing off Allison. 
Back at the Sheriff’s board, and they’ve figured out that the arsonist is the same guy who was at Hikari and Liam’s place. Cool. 
Okay we’re back to Eli, who is running in the road and almost gets hit by somebody. That somebody is the Sheriff. Nice, Noah. 
Melissa, Argent, and Peter are at the crime scene (ie Hale Auto). Peter and Argent are going through the crime scene, deducing what’s going on. Peter states that Allison is basically in homicidal rage, which Argent states proves that’s not his daughter. Peter says they went into the woods, so they all go looking for Allison and Scott. 
We’re at Derek’s house now -- Derek and Eli get a reunion hug, the Sheriff comes in, and Liam and Hikari are there, too. The oni are now also in the hall of Derek’s house. Great. Hikari fights them first, doing a great job - and she’s been run through and has evaporated. The same thing happens to Liam, leaving Deaton, the Sheriff, Eli, and Derek fighting the Oni. The Sheriff goes first, followed by Deaton. Eli watches Derek get run through, and right before he evaporates, Derek says “remember who you are” (it’s giving mufasa but tell that to my tears). 
Cut back to the Preserve, where Scott is arguing with Allison to not try to kill everyone? I’m not gonna lie this was a broken record. 
And we’re back to the Hale’s, where Malia and Eli are running. Malia tells Eli to run, but Eli decides that now is a good time to growl and attack the Oni. He gets evaporated into smoke the same way as the others, and Malia manages to get rid of the oni by pulling tarp off the window and bathing them in sunlight. 
Scott tells Allison that she can get him if that’s what they need to talk, and STABS HIMSELF BY GRABBING ALLISON’S ARM AND SENDING WOLFSBANE RIGHT INTO HIS GUT. 
Jackson and Lydia have decided to go to the site of the arson, where they’re trying to figure out what the purpose was, etc. (notes i made: jackson and lydia cannot make up for stiles stilinski) 
Peter, Melissa, and Argent have made it to where Allison stabbed Scott (that overlook over BH), and Peter sniffs the ground, declaring it’s a ton of blood there, and that they need to find Scott within 6-8 hours so he doesn’t die. 
Alright, Malia and Parrish are looking for silver weapons to defeat the oni and decidedly not talking about the fact that they’re friends with benefits. this was unnecessary. 
Jackson and Lydia are back at the arson site, and they’ve figured out that the arsonist (harris) is trying to create mountain ash. the trees he’s burning are rowan, which turn into mountain ash when burnt. 
Meanwhile, Scott is trying to convince Allison that she wants him alive. He reminds Allison that her family’s motto was changed by her -- we protect those who cannot protect themselves, instead of “we hunt those who hunt us.” She promptly like, kicks Scott over. Scott, cmon, man. 
The nogitsune comes back, to try and convince Allison to kill Scott. 
We flash to some sort of shadow dimension illusion, where everyone who was “killed” by the oni is all tied up and decidedly not dead, fortunately. However, the Oni are back and they’re getting all menacingly close. This, however, does not stop Derek from being so excited to hear Eli changed. I may have cried about it. Again.
Flash to Peter, Argent, and Melissa, who are standing in the woods over the college lacrosse field, where a tournament is being played. We learn this is a trap from the nogitsune, and spoilers, this is where Allison has Scott. In like a storage room or something. This is, also, where we officially learn that the hooded man is Harris. Not that all of us called it or anything. But he’s the one who came up with the accelerant (like the hale fire. cmon guys. can we stop with the metaphorical dead horse.) 
The nogitsune is threateningly moving towards Eli and sinking his claws into him. I’m sorry I don’t remember what he said I was too busy thinking about the parallels between Eli and Stiles and how I was already too hurt to be considering that. 
Alright, back to Allison and Scott. Allison decides to save Scott by... burning the wolfsbane out with a flare? Despite having no wolfsbane? love the new canon, Jeff. Fuck you. 
Scott has flashbacks to Motel California when she approaches him with the flare, but she does actually save him, Scott’s better, and Allison is remembering. hooray for love. 
The nogitsune has spat Eli right out on the lacrosse field from the shadow dimension, and Scott and Allison come out from underneath it. Scott tells Allison to be safe, because she wants to find her dad, who doesn’t know it’s actually her and not some evil doppelganger. She asks him why he would be so kind after she tried to kill him, and then Scott says “because I’m still in love with you” (notes from the time of watching: you are not still in love with allison im fucking OVER IT) 
Lydia and Jackson are under the stadium with Harris, who calls Jackson “you fucking imbecile!” nice use of the fuck word, Jeff. Die. He also keeps shooting Jackson which is less than cash money of him. 
Eli and Scott learn that they’re stuck in the college stadium, because it’s a giant illusion. Scott tries to convince coach to get the people out of the stadium safely and calmly, and Coach informs him the only way to do that is to finish the game. So naturally, Eli has Scott’s old number (literally fucking kill me) and Scott is dressed? To score? and have BHHS win the tournament? whatever Jeff’s losing all of us at this point. 
Back in the shadow illusion, Derek explains that Eli hasn’t seen his transformation since he was like, 3, because coyotes got into the house, and he transformed and got them out by roaring, and Eli was so terrified he was shaking (notes: that’s so fucked I hate it here) 
And the lacrosse field again. Scott misses a goal so bad it hits the scoreboard and breaks it. Naturally. We learn, in a cut to Lydia and Jackson and Harris, that he’s been “pulling the strings and giving the nogitsune his pain” which he has in abundance or whatever. Lydia tells us that she had a recurring dream where she and Stiles get in a wreck, and he gets thrown from the car and dies. so she breaks up with him for that. i. okay. 
Peter gets the quick on Allison, bashes her head into fencing, and she knocks out. Meanwhile, Scott tells Eli it’s his goal, and he scores the game winning goal. 
We’re back to Argent, Melissa, and Peter. And a semi-conscious Allison. Argent decides that really is his kid, and he throws a wolfsbane knife at Peter. Which might be a bit dramatic but Peter would do the same so. whatever I guess. 
Black smoke begins to roll, and everyone has been swallowed by the illusion. 
We’ve now got Allison killing the Oni, which is feeling very reminiscent of s3. Meanwhile, Lydia and Jackson are back with Harris watching this happen, and Jackson is telling her that as a banshee, she can cut through the illusion with her scream. When Lydia yells Allison’s name, she knocks back the Oni, and apparently the sense into Allison, because we have an incredibly long flashback sequence that is Allison regaining her memories. Nostalgic, sure, but entirely too long because we all watched the show asshole. 
Scott cuts a deal with the nogitsune that if he dies in Allison’s arms, the nogitsune will let the others go. Derek yells at him to not, and Scott manages to convince Allison to kill him. She shoots him with arrows 3? times? I think? Anyways, he’s in her arms and it looks really glum. 
But then! The arrows are burning out of him, because Hikari is burning them? Don’t know the logistics but it happened. Scott’s wreathed in foxfire, nobody knows what’s going on, and Allison shoots the nogitsune in the forehead with a silver arrow. Sorry, this is where it gets very chaotic and i got very emotional so it’s jumbled as hell. 
The nogitsune asks “what is that?” and Argent says “Silver, you motherfucker.” 
Back with Harris, Jackson stabs him with a knife in his boot, and Lydia got his gun. 
The nogitsune has evaporated, I wrote down that Derek said fuck at some point. Everything is looking good right now. Eli and Derek are going to shift together. There was a lot. 
But now! The nogitsune is back. Saying that when Scott bit him, it changed him -- made him something more. His wrappings fall off, his eyes are glowing green, he looks vaguely werewolfish. (what happened to not being a wolf and a fox you fucking coward jeff. give me your address) 
The nogitsune sends everyone into their own room of illusion, which all the werewolves (ie: derek, scott, and eli) break by roaring. Now, they’re all on the nematon with the nogitsune, holding him back. I can’t remember how Eli gets from the nemeton to the ground, but he does, so it’s just Derek and Scott holding him back. 
Parrish comes up like, glowing pre-flame and is intending to burn him, and Scott tells Parrish to burn the nogitsune. Parrish refuses because Scott and Derek are holding onto him, and will die if he does so. Derek looks at Eli and rest assured you know exactly what’s gonna happen. It’s Derek.
He says something to Eli along the lines of like “remember who you are” and then tells Scott “you’re the alpha, Scott. It’s always been you” or something like that, then physically throws Scott off the nogitsune and the nemeton. Derek wraps onto the nogitsune while Parrish is holding on (why the nogitsune didn’t break free while Derek was throwing Scott off is beyond me it defeats the whole purpose of having Derek die) and tells Parrish, verbatim, “Light this fucker up.” 
Parrish lights him on fire and it spreads to Derek (this is when I stopped being able to see very well because Derek burned in fire just like his family oh god sorry I’m really unwell about it) 
right before Derek is engulfed in flames, he’s wolfed out, he’s looking at Eli, and his eyes turn from blue to red (true alpha. Right before he dies. I’m going to burn Jeff at the stake) And he goes up in flames, all of them do, including Parrish. When the flames clear, Parrish is laying on the nemeton, curled up, and it’s obvious that Derek died. The nemeton/illusion fades back to the lacrosse stadium where Eli is kneeling alone and Scott immediately gives him a hug obviously becoming Eli’s interim father and. I hate it. 
We flash to Derek’s memorial. I can’t see the tv through the tears, but that’s okay. Scott tries to make it about himself by saying “he saved my life. then he said we were brothers.” and says something about how family isn’t the one you’re born with but the one you find, which is easy for the guy who still has a fucking father to say, huh? 
Noah gives Eli the Jeep, explaining Derek hated that Jeep, but when it came to him in total disrepair, he fixed it right up. Even when it shouldn’t have kept going, it did. Then he says “your dad was a lot like that. we never understood why he wouldn’t break down and stay down. I’ve never seen anyone take the kind of punishment Derek Hale took and kept taking in order to protect the people he loved.” 
We get Derek flashbacks. I still can’t breathe. Sorry guys, I’m crying again. Apologies. 
“He kept going. He kept standing up, until the day he couldn’t. He had complicated feelings about that Jeep, but you don’t need to. All you need to do is keep it running. That’s all you need to do.” 
We get a bit about Harris being put in a worse place than Eichen but I truly don’t give a fuck. I’m actively crying again as I type this. 
The movie ends with “remember who you are” in Derek’s voice with Eli standing over Beacon Hills in the Preserve. 
Fuck. Jeff. Davis 
183 notes · View notes
roobylavender · 5 months
Note
I started watching pakistani dramas when I was very young, we're talking since toddler days here, cus of my mom and sisters who used to watch them all the time lol. What was the things about q*sim and sassi relationship that were hard to digest to you? Personally, I really liked their relationship at first since it was a really unique dynamic between a ml and fl for a pakistani drama, I think they were the ones who introduced to me soft boy and tough girl trope? But anyway, ever since the slap, I hated their relationship and now thinking about them more just leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Something feels so icky about their relationship.
ALSO can I just say you're literally so right-minded?? During the mujhe pyaar hua tha era, your tweets about that drama and one other person's were literally the only things that were keeping me sane at the time like holy shit the amount of times I wanted to bang my head against a wall cus of this stupid drama is astronomical. Every time I read a neelo praise tweet/comment I lose 10 years of my life. That bitch annoyed the fuck out of me and especially ESPECIALLY her dick riders. The audience of paki dramas have so little empathy for women it's fucking crazy and extremely infuriating. When maheer officially got married to saad and then started to cry in her room afterwards, I felt so sorry for her and I thought the audience would too, at least a tiny bit. But imagine my surprise when I saw tweets making fun of her and just generally not giving a fuck about her. My blood was boiling. That one fucking tweet still lives in my mind rent free "hm anyways so-" are yall that heartless or just stupid? Seriously, all people talked about was poor saad this, poor saad that BITCH WHAT ABOUT MAHEER??? SHE WAS SUFFERING TOO??? If anything, she was the one who was going through it the most imo. I was so close to losing my mind with all that maheer slander and neelo praise tweets thank fuck I had a mootie (god bless her) who was feeling the same way as me. I used to send long rants to her in dms cus god the feedback of that drama was so frustrating ugh
i haven’t watched o rangreza in a loooong time so there are honestly parts of it i don’t even remember anymore but for whatever sharp commentary it possessed that i appreciated i think what the slap and then conclusively the end for sassi left me feeling was like the narrative was too willing to paint sassi as equally capable of the crimes of her father without taking into account that she was still ultimately a victim, and a female victim at that. like yeah a lot of daughters will emulate their fathers and there’s endless philosophy and literature on that dynamic but there’s a position in society sassi occupies that her father never will and i don’t think the narrative was as kind to her in that regard. which arguably may have been exactly the point of the ending but i didn’t entirely gel with the way she compared herself directly to him when she gave her reasons for not going through with the marriage to qasim in the end. it was a commentary on her taking action to not be selfish for once but i wish the narrative hadn’t acted like she was selfish willingly, if that makes sense. she was a shadow of her father and she deserved sympathy for what that made of her even if she deserved criticism too
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ennoshawty · 3 years
Text
HQ CAPTAINS AS THINGS
i was bored and felt like doing a crackfic thing but i didn’t have any solid themes or good ideas
SO I PRESENT TO YOU - THE CAPTAINS. AS THINGS. IDK HOW TO WORD THIS BUT YOU’LL SEE AS WE GO ALONG.
warnings: VERY LONG, slandering a crybaby oikawa (lovingly), mentions f!reader, shitposting, mentions of violence in kita's, (a bit) yandere!kita, cursing, unedited, me being an idiot
officer!daichi
we are: vigilante/troublemaker
loving the enemies-to-lovers trope so much
nah bro you ain’t full criminal (bc my preppy ass could never) you just do the small vandalism things y’know like drawing peepees on government buildings and knocking over bins
u literally confessed to him by spraypainting the entire billboard by his workplace “I LIKE YOU” like way to go girl
He didn’t appreciate the creative graffiti but he rlly likes u so all u had to do was clean it and then next thing u know yall are out on a cute cafe date
but let’s talk about before yall got together
he’d CHASE u thru alleyways when he’d catch you writing “police sux” on the fuckin wall
bro is NOT AT ALL afraid to jump onto the roofs it’s FRIGHTENING to see this huge ass police officer storm after u
HES SO FAST HOT DAMN WOMAN HOW DO U GET AWAY FROM HIM??? USAIN BOLT WHOMST???
you’d almost always get away by a hair - he’s SO SO close
and it frustrates him but excites u oooooo arrest me shawty
and this would continue for a while
but yall have such fun fun banter - you’d tease him and he’d say something back and you’d bolt and he’d chase
some days he’d catch you. but in those times u slip away somehow
he’s having so much fun and doesn’t even know it
and then at one point he doesn’t even care about bringing u to justice anymore. he knows it’s bad for business and it’s unprofessional but he’s so attracted to u
he doesn’t even know it. HES IN DENIAL!!! his mind: “oh i’m just asking about her so that i know her motives” bruh no u just asked about our fav pastry this aint about crime anymore
and when he finally gets it,,,DINGDINGDINGDING SOUND THE ALARMS !!! MAN IS WHIPPED!! he’s more shy around u awww,,,doesn’t even want to chase u anymore but he will still engage in banter w u.
yall get a little peace treaty in the lil crush stage - you both are kinda aware of ur feelings towards each other but don't really wanna mess it up and jeopardize whatever's going on like bros PLEASE JUST KISS ITS INFURIATING
it’s more of a competition to see who will break the other first (and you lost he’s too hot)
he lets u joyride his cop car in an empty parking lot <3 he is the one <3 this is true love
u gotta marry him right now bro no excuses
u are no longer on the crime side of the law,,,u support him and only him fuck the rest of the cops (i’m jk of course...or am i)
u are his badass sidekick <3 unofficially of course until he marries u
u help him with the small things like helping lost children find their parents and helping old ladies cross the street
but you want to do the FUN stuff - chasing thieves and arresting drunkards.
unfortunately, he loves u too much to put u in danger so he keeps u from doing the dangerous things
after some protesting later, he trusts u to take care of urself. and now yall have a competition just like old times - whoever catches the most baddies at the end of the month wins (he WILL scold u if ur too reckless though)
THE TWO OF U ARE JUST GOOD COP BAD COP UHAHAHAHAHAHA
but it’s much more complicated than that - it’s either ur the laidback one and he’s the strict one or ur the fiery one and he’s the person like “calm down”
PLEASE HE HATES BRINGING U TO INTERROGATIONS he’s trying to be serious but you keep making him laugh istg he has to kick u out each time
u still make him laugh when u pout-glare at him thru the glass
bro says he’s not the stereotypical cop but the moment u surprise him with donuts and coffee in the morning he will make out w u right then and there
even though yall dating he still won’t let u play with his equipment
but sometimes u grab his walkie talkie when he’s not looking and prank call the others
and his coworkers know by now they’re like “oh it’s daichis gf” and go along with it HAHAHAHA “this is alpha 1, daichi just contracted ligma, over.” “roger, but what’s ligma? over.” “*inhale* LIGMA-” *daichi takes the walkie talkie back*
his coworkers are chill lmaoooo they love u two as a couple THEY ARE VERY SUPPORTIVE they planned a surprise anniversary party of when u joined the force (unofficially)
the juniors tanaka and noya are jelly ooooo but they respect their captain <3
u loooooove hanging out w the starry-eyed new recruit hinata and he’s bouncing around asking u personal questions “how did you date the commander!!! what’s he like as a bf??” he also accidentally exposes how much daichi talks about u in the office before he drags him away and murders him off camera
he does get u a walkie talkie that’s just connected to his line, tho. for emergencies. it’s ur second phone basically that only has his number in it
daichi LOVES it when u massage him after he’s had a long day but his shoulders are stiff as a statue,,,he’s also super stronk and can carry u anywhere <333
IMAGINE HE HAS A POLICE DOG - he doesn’t, but he’ll get one of his buddies to bring u a k9 unit so u can pet it and when he sees how happy u are he considers getting one PLSSS IT WOULD FIT HIM HELPPP
bro is VERY strict on safety. bulletproof glass in yalls house. alarms + cameras everywhere. trackers on every device. underground bunker. (just kidding lol)
daichi teaches u self-defense and gets u a bejeweled taser for ur bday <333 MARRY THIS MAN RIGHT NOW OR I’LL-
in other words i love daichi and he is husband material WIFE ME UP BUDDY
househusband!oikawa
we are: girlboss sugar mommy
somehow you tamed this bish to becoming your obedient malewife
and by obedient i mean whiny but compliant
IS MORE ATTACHED TO YOUR BLACK CARD THAN TO YOU. I SAID IT. THE TRUTH.
sure, he’s pretty and gives affection sometimes but the only time he’s bein cute and snuggly w u is when a new fendi purse came out and he wants it
his specialty is cooking but he’s so lazy he’s all “just get the maid to do it”
please give ur workers a raise he’s so demanding
when you take him to ur business parties hes ALWAYS bragging about you and ur large house with this and that and his favorite: indoor hot tub. he always brings up the indoor hot tub.
only reason you bring him is cuz he’s pretty and he whines when you leave him alone for too long
yall cant even stay for too long - he’ll practically drag u out of the building and whining that it’s too hot and his suit is too stuffy and to call a limo
he’s not afraid to embarrass u if u dont give him what he wants and he will spit out food at a formal dinner if its not to his liking
probably in competition w househusbands! makki and mattsun about who gets the best house so he’s constantly begging u for an extension to the house “please babe!!! makki has-” “no.”
8/10 times throws tantrums in public and 1465/10 times throws tantrums in the house
he wants to cry for the sake of crying. one time he lost his shirt and he wouldn’t stop bawling for 15 min
please find him a hobby
crybaby . the moment u give him the glare of death it’s over. but he’s got a cute crying face which makes up for his annoying whimpering
like he made the mistake of throwing a temper tantrum in the mall only for you to glare at him with a look that said “we’re discussing this when we get home and you’re gonna get your ass beat” and walk away. immediately stopped what he was doing and he was running after u, sniffling and mumbling apologies
please humble him and have him sleep outside. the couch is too luxurious to banish him to. he made sure of it himself. it’s reclining and has charging ports. he will not learn his lesson that way
does NOT want you to get a pet or a kid or even another sugar baby/househusband - he wants to be the center of ur attention
speaking of which he HATES it when you work for too long or work overseas. when u come back he’ll pout at u and give u the petty silent treatment
don’t bother trying to comfort him he thrives off of it and he’ll keep going so u can keep paying attention to him. if u just ignore him back he’ll come crawling back to u. “WHY ARE YOU IGNORING ME IGNORING YOU?? DO YOU EVEN LOVE ME ANYMORE???”
one time yall got into a fight and he was all like “since ur being a rude mommy i’ll just find someone else !!!” inside u were like “oh god finally” but instead u said “okay”
ohmygod he panicked. he was rlly expecting for u to fight for him,,, but he doesn’t want to admit defeat first so he tries to go thru with it but you literally dont care. even when he has his chanel luggage packed and he’s standing by the door ur just like “ok bye bitch”
So he’s trying to stand by the door and wait for u to say that ur joking. ur not.
“fine! I’m leaving now!” “okay.” “...*sniffles*” “tooru, go.” “WAAAAH NO IM SORRY I DONT WANT TO-”
u knew this was going to happen sadly. u even hid the keys to all of the sports cars u own just in case he was actually going to go thru with it
tries to get in the gossip circle with the neighborhood trophy wives but they don’t think he’s cool enough. they like u though. they think ur hot asf and oikawa doesn’t like them no more bc theyre hitting on his ATM. but thanks to that u know all the gossip and shit even though u don’t ask for it
Every time u pass by a store where he thinks he wants something he’ll just cling to u and give the puppy dog eyes. like it could be out of nowhere and u see it and you’re like “where. which store.”
bro once he went luxury he never went back. he wouldn’t EVER step foot into a grocery store ever again congrats he’s been bimbo-ified
beat him with ur gucci belt pls it’s so funny
also please please PLEASE discipline him. tell him it’s NOT okay to just randomly purchase the entire swarovski store or to throw a party at ur house just bc he’s feeling petty about u being at work for too long. ofc he’ll bitch about it but you need to be firm
but don’t worry,,,he’ll get the idea when u take away black card privileges and slap him around (lovingly)
now he has to ask permission like a good boy. he’ll kneel and hug u and give a lil pout and whine
you got a bigass man child i’m sorry maam u should’ve picked tobio or ushi
ceo!kuroo
we are: secretary
bruh keeps it mostly professional during work hours
but that all gets shedded off like a snake when we on break
one minute he’s all “get these papers done by today or i swear on all that is holy i will destroy you” and then later he’s all “hey sweetheart wanna grab a cup of coffee”
flirty flirty FLIRTY FLIRTY AAAAA HES A MENACE
but you’re less than impressed bc y’know when the time clocks out and its time to go back to work he’s ruthless once more
HUMBLE HIM FOOL only when you’re on break though
will NOT stand for anyone else in the workplace bullyin u - NO WAY. only HIM
he’s got TONS and TONS of dirt on everyone in the office - NO ONE is safe so they wouldn’t even dare
RIP janet from accounting
that dumb bitch made the mistake of insulting u to ur face and in front of him. never heard from her again
it’s not even limited to the other employees - he’s not afraid to go off on a potential business partner if they dared disrespect you
bruh tries to call u on ur off days for the most randomest shit and to get ur attention
*picks up phone* “sir?” “ah! my favorite secretary ever! listen, i need you to grab my pens from my desk at the office and bring them to my place.” “...with all due respect, it’s 2 am, sir.”
but u have to comply with his ridiculous demands cuz he’s the bank
and he depends on u completely. as much as he hates to admit it - u have his schedules, itinerary, provide coffee, performance rates, stock info, you name it.
once u were out sick and he had the worst management - he’s not used to working without you
def tries to get some of ur workload off of u bc he’s worried that the stress of working for him made u sick + he doesn’t want to go thru scheduling again
prolly gets bored in meeting rooms and sends u little smirks and wiggles his eyebrows and weird looks while he’s sitting and ur standing in the corner like bruh pay attention
maybe sometimes he’s secretly makin fun of the presenter and doodling on his spare sticky note something funny to make u crack a smile
he’ll tease u for it of course “oh, secretary! you should be paying more attention! what would you do if this was important?” bruh i can multitask now keep airdropping me ur selfies i’m saving all of them (news flash: u dont save his dumbass selfies otherwise his ego will inflate too much)
sometimes likes to pull u aside from work to hug u - you say it’s highly unprofessional but he says it’s his stress reliever
you ALMOST got caught by one of the newbies and he was kabedon-ing you
he tries to play it off (since u were embarrassed too) but u know better,,,DO NOT LET HIM FORGET ABOUT IT he turns red and embarrassed every single time USE THIS TO UR ADVANTAGE !!
never goes into an elevator without you bruh is so attached to u n holds the doors open for you
but you have to open normal doors for him if he doesn’t know how it works (hint: manual doors. “why isn’t it opening on its own?” “sir, there’s a handle.” “but?? what does it do??”)
bruh acts like a dumbass sometimes so you can baby him :/// wtf man just because you’re rich doesn’t mean i’ll- ...wait...how much did you say…? that many zeros? HAND ME THAT FORK YES I’LL FEED YOU COME HERE- HERE COMES THE AIRPLANE BITCH
brings u to overseas trips and he spoils u too
no matter how much you insist that you’re ok he gives u a lot of luxurious items. “think of it as a bonus from me.” NOW YOU JUST HAVE A COLLECTION OF NICE SHOES/BAGS/JEWELRY AND HE LOVES IT WHEN YOU WEAR THEM TO WORK IT MAKES HIM SO HAPPY UGHHHHH
BRUH just a sugar daddy at this point “you have to look presentable for the next focus group so here’s a nice rolex watch” “sir, i don’t need-” “ah ah ah - it’s my treat.”
it’s pointless to refuse him but he still teases u for it like what???? “if i didn’t know any better, secretary, i’d say you’re just doing it for my money and not my fabulous looks and personality.” “exactly.” “hey!”
yall go for drinking parties a lot. whether with the whole branch or just the two of u
KARAOKE W KUROO AFTER A LONG DAY OF WORK <333 becomes a ritual between the two of u
he’s so silly when he’s drunk lmfaoooo goofy ass mf
but that’s only when it’s the two of u. he controls his alcohol around others and his uncool side is only for u <3
also ur the only one he trusts to take him back to his place and handle him
it’s the other way around too - when u drink a lot he looks after you <333
you have a higher tolerance than him and sometimes u have competitions between the two of u on who can drink more but then yall always end up shitfaced
HES the one who has a crush on you
you know the drill - gaslight gatekeep girlboss
he’ll do anything for u but wouldn’t ever admit it he simp
offers u the keys to his estate and offers for you to LIVE with him
bruh just marry me already ok WAIT WE’RE NOT EVEN DATING YOU NEED TO WORK ON THAT SIR-
he’s so awkward tryna confess to u,,,he may be this big hotshot ceo but he’s acting like a schoolgirl in love
probably prints u a confession when he asks u to go to the fax machine lmfao what a nerd
in other words ceo!kuroo is a nerd and you need to top him immediately get that bank
dog hybrid!bokuto
we are: owner
Husky-malamute breed!!! BEEG DOGGIE VERY HAPPY N DROOLY <333
OVERLY HYPER. JUMPS ON ANYONE AND U AT ANY GIVEN MOMENT
he’s well trained i swear but the moment he sees something of interest then i’m sorry you just lost him
please if a robber came in he wouldn’t even attack them he’d just tackle them w hugs
he loves loves loves snuggles <333 u busy? nope!!! hug time!!! cooking something?? oo lemme see!!! whoops look at all those tomatos on the ground. u got a deadline coming up and u really need to focus?? CUDDLE TIIIIIIME- w-wait - huh?? why are u shoving me off?? do you - do you not - huh?!?! WHY ARE YOU LOCKING ME OUT OF THE ROOM?? NO!!!! I LOVE YOU!!! IDK WHAT EXAMS ARE BUT I WANT CUDDLES!!! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME????!!!
the WORST things u could ever do to him is leave him and call him a bad boy
HE CRIES ON THE SPOT </3 HOW COULD YOU </3
soso bummed when u go out of the house without him </333 waits by the door patiently waiting for u to come back </333 sob sob
the moment he hears the door unlock he LEAPS and his tail is wagging like CRAZY
he is SO STRONG. almost always knocks u over whenever he jumps on u
destroys EVERY toy u bring him. u leave him for 5 seconds and there’s stuffing all over the floor and whatever u brought him is nonexistent
tugs on the leash when u walk so much that it SNAPS
loves romping w the other dogs in the dog park but he needs to tone down on his friendliness he almost killed a lil orange chihuahua
gets distracted by EVERYTHING. ooh, squirrel! oo, butterfly! OOO HUMAN CHILD!! MUST EAT!!!
ok while he might be friendly, he still gets super super jealous. you both were outside and u were petting the neighborhood black cat and bruh almost swallowed his head
which u thought was weird bc the two are normally friends and are pretty nice around each other
so now he’s more feisty around him and any other cat that’d get ur attention
If it was a person, then that’s another thing. He’d be very friendly at first but then slowly realize that ur attention is more directed on them than him. then he’d go ballistic
but when u scold him for practically assaulting the poor dude and call him a bad boy,,,he’s lost it
u have to lock him in the other room and he’s crying and whimpering, scratching at the door. all he wanted to do was protect u from that bad bad man who took away his owner’s attention !!!
def snarls at the dude next time he comes into ur house/apartment...dude never came back
“GRRR” “AAAA GET UR FRIGGIN DOG B-” “he don bite” YES IT DO GET UR-”
doggie bokuto rlly tries to be slick...it doesn’t work. like he tries to do that thing when he’s a total demon towards the guy but then act like an angel around u but it doesnt work bc he’s not smooth
doggie intelligence: 2 IQ. one time u got him a puzzle box and hid a treat in it but bruh couldnt figure it out just straight up monched the entire puzzle simply bc he smelled his fav bbq treat in it
speaking of intelligence - he only knows how to say a few words like ur name and incomplete sentences. speaks in barks and whines and sometimes a word
SO BIG THAT HE GRABS FOOD FROM THE TABLE WHEN YOU’RE NOT LOOKING
u had some delicious beef steak? oh dear, where did it go? there’s ur puppy kou with steak sauce all over his lips
big fan of hiking trips, sports, literally anything that involves going out
he LOVES getting dirty outside playing. boi cant control himself from rolling around in the mud
hates baths at first but then he likes how u spray the water on him and giggles awww he likes bath time now
we all know he’s not the brightest pup of the pack but,,,he’s somehow psychic. he knows when ur taking him to the vet
HE THROWS A BIG FUSS ALL THE TIME - sometimes he tries to hide but his huge tail under the couch gives it away
and he knows when ur thinking of taking him on a walk. he also begs u to take him outside by settling his head in ur lap and pouting until u give him what he wants
he likes the big ol doggie sweaters/pjs u buy him...but he always ruins them. no matter how much u buy him, they’re all ruined. he complains how scratchy it is and it feels weird on him
knows LOTS of tricks but if u teach him more than what he already knows he will forget one of them he’s like a damn pokemon
he feels ur emotions :((( if ur mood is down his tail droops :(( and he gives u cuddles and tries to make u feel better
he even likes to make a fool out of himself and be silly if it makes u laugh :((( he’s so precious
in other words i love doggy bokuto
pirate!ushijima
we are: kidnapped
ah yes we’re are captives of the most fearsome pirates of the seas: shiratorizawa
just so you know, tendou was the instigator. he was all “let’s kidnap a noble’s kid and get the ransom money!” (whether you actually are a noble or not is up to you)
thing is, nobody’s willing to pay (if you aren’t a noble) or the pirates really pissed off the folks in charge and are now doing a manhunt
so yeah you aren’t going back anytime soon
but he’s a pretty good sport about it - very hospitable
he notices the little things u like and gets them for u <333 sighs <333
he saw you reading that book? wow look at that, there’s suddenly a stack of them and the same genre he saw you reading
but you definitely shouldn’t test him. he’s SUPER scary when it comes down to it
you saw how ruthless he was with the rogues that had dared to challenge him on sea
mf made them walk the plank
you help on the ship bc u wanna be useful and also shirabu keeps being mean
he asks u to teach the crew how to read cuz theyre dumb as shit and only know water and treasure
speaking of treasure - when he leaves u on the ship to explore a cave, he gets u really pretty jewelry <33 anything u ask for
“oh, welcome back captain. how was your mission?” “i brought back a few trinkets i thought you might like.” *reveals whole chest of priceless gems* “are they to your liking? if not, we can set sail for something else that might interest you.” “I-”
bruh got a pet eagle - u ask the crew and they dont even know how tf it happened
hell, even he doesn’t know how it happened wtf. “oh. one day it flew down to me and i fed it. that’s all.” wtf
equivalent to diluc’s bird - he didn’t even give it a name so he gives u the honors
U name him rigatoni (you got a great naming sense btw)
oh my god oh my god oh my god HE TRIES TO PROTECT U WHEN PPL WERE TRYNA INVADE THE SHIP
it was the first thing he did no cap - burst into ur room and scoops u up <33333
“what the-” “we need to get you to safety. we are under attack.” and holds u close to his chest AAAHSIDHFPSDHFN OH MY LORD YES
HAS THE TEAM GIVE U SELF DEFENSE LESSONS AFTER THAT
tendou tries to give u a sword but ushi says no “she could hurt herself.”
“but ushiwaka! we can teach her not to hurt herself” “...it’s my orders.” “c’mon, be more honest, ushiwaka! what’s the real reason?”
he goes quiet then looks at u “...i’ll always be there to help. she’ll have me.” AOISHSDHFSNDF
HELPPPPP SIOJFDSKFJP HES SO CHARMING AND HE DOESNT EVEN TRY
but the rest of the crew are like “then what’s the point”
but tendou sneaks u a dagger just to be safe
sorry ur apart of the crew now - but they’re like a family even if they did kidnap u
oh whatever your life before wasn’t as cool as this (no offense)
they are given orders to protect u at all costs
speaking of which - ushi isn’t all that great w guns
almost blew his own head off tryna figure out how it works before reon snatched it from him
he brings you with him to towns and cities and he likes taking u to the markets to get you stuff
ushijima tell me your love language is gift-giving without telling me your love language is gift-giving-
he finds out you’re pretty good at bargaining and brings you onshore a lot more
is mesmerized at how you absolutely BERATE the merchant who was tryna rip you off like sis where is this violence coming from??? he loves it??
he also likes to stop by some pretty islands and imagines just settling down in such a nice place w you <333 SIGHS <333 VERY <333 LOUDLY <333
no matter how much he likes you...he will NOT let you drive the boat under any circumstances </3 its his livelihood c’mon man
whenever you have to stay on the ship while he’s away he sends rigatoni to give messages and the two of u talk thru messages
speaking of which rigatoni is fierce and can definitely sink his talons and his sharp beak into any bastard that dares get near you while the captain is away
wakatoshi “swimming is for pussies” ushijima - he’s water resistant
bruh so powerful he walks on water
second coming of christ who
IM JUST KIDDING he does swim but we hardly ever see it
legends say (tendou says) he looks rlly awkward doing it and only knows how to doggie paddle
speaking of our homeboy tendou - he loooves spooking the team (and especially you) with scary stories . don’t worry tho - this is all a ploy to get the beeg pirate husband to comfort u at night ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) he is ur wingman u can count on him. but his suggestions are ridiculous
“Jump off the deck and see if he’ll catch you!” um excuse me- THOU SHALT NOT PUT BIG HUSBAND TO THE TEST
he’s got good intentions...i think…
but everyone literally knows he would dive after you
in other words pirate!ushijima is a softie at heart but goddamn he probably secretly has a pet shark so dont test him or u goin overboard
mafia leader!kita
we are: associate from different group/family
kita highly respects u and yall have been acquainted since u were young with the alliance of ur families
so in a way ur childhood friends but yall do have lil bit of friendly rivalry a bit
arranged marriage whuuuutttt...yeah thats what happened but u love him <3
nobody else knows about ur arranged marriage but you two
POLITE GENTLEMAN <333 !!! HNNNNNNNN his granny raised him right even tho he’s a mafia leader
RICH BOY RICH BOY RICH BOY- ALWAYS DRESSES DASHINGLY AND SMELLS GREAT MMMMMM
he owns the majority of the underground casinos
and has lots of connections with others. countless, might i add.
you on the other hand specialize as an arms dealer so he cherishes your services the most
prob has the traditional tattoos allllll over his back and shoulders w like a dragon or sm and def a fox or kitsune
when u two were little he asked ur favorite flower and GOT THAT TATTOOED ON HIS BACK <3 probably secretly has your initials hidden in there somewhere
u both have a silent understanding of each other and he talks to u more than he does anyone
before he used to smoke but once he figured out that you didn’t like the smell of cigarettes he quit just like that
his underlings, the miya twins are so confused on how kita switches from totally brutal and ruthless to so soft around u
they can’t tease him for it, though, cuz he’d pulverize them
but they want to know more about u,,,you mysterious enigma,,,but kita would kill them if they dared asked about you
so they go to inarizaki’s most secretive informant/cyber mercenary, suna rintarou
and suna knows all about you. he saw you one time and he was curious about who you were and is now rlly scared of you because he dug too deep and you’ve got LOTS of history
he doesn’t dare tell the twins what he found no matter how much they bug him
until they bribe him at just the right price
and when aran finds out and tells kita?? ohhh boy it’s lights out for all three of them
oh my god ,,, would kill for u he loves u so much
one time you were kidnapped and held hostage
bro saw red
MAFIA ANNIHILATION SPEEDRUN ANY % NO GLITCH
he got world record time
wiped out the entire conglomerate behind it - nothing and nobody left behind after that
and of course, made sure you were safe.
yandere? ofc not...i mean...just look at him...so innocent...he would never...sharpening that knife...with splattered blood all over him...
is now joined at the hip with u,,,no matter how much you tell him you’ll be fine now and that you have tons of reliable bodyguards he won’t let it go
“don’t you have to go back to your place?” “this is my duty as both a fellow associate and your future husband.” aww,,,ur so sweet...but BRUH PLEASE GO HOME ARAN IS DOING EVERYTHING OVER THERE
makes sure to build a headquarters DIRECTLY NEXT TO YOURS so that its faster
and it’s not long until he just signs a deal to merge ur factions together (since yall getting married anyways)
and oh my god...ur underground wedding is SO SO PRETTY
absolutely DOESN’T care if he’s smuggling jewels from different countries - he’s having your ring CUSTOM MADE and the way you want it. “the diamond is too small? sure thing, darling, i’ll have it 7 times that size.”
makes sure everything is perfect in ur wedding <333 its very extravagant and even though its not really his style he’ll do anything for you
he absolutely WOULD take your last name if you wanted. FIGHT ME ON THIS
takes you to his private island for ur honeymoon so that the two of you don’t have to worry about work
meanwhile aran is scrambling around the place trying to cover for the both of you
he’s a VERY romantic husband - NEVER takes off his ring even for security. he says its practically a part of him just like you are <3
the ring has a built in tracker connected to an app. possessive? noooo...
in other words this escalated pretty quickly but i aint complaining if it gets me married to kita
--
--EXTRA EXTRA!! other characters’ roles!!--
officer!daichi:
karasuno squadron consists of:
cops: daichi (duh), asahi (mostly patrol, he hates confrontation), tanaka & noya (mostly accompanied by ennoshita), hinata & kageyama
investigators/detectives: sugawara, ennoshita, yamaguchi, tsukishima, kiyoko, yachi
surveillance: narita, kinoshita, tsukishima too
househusband!oikawa:
makki and mattsun are also househusbands
iwaizumi is a malewife fhasodjkasdhf-
ceo!kuroo:
lev is the newbie that walked in on u two-
janet still a bitch
kenma is his fellow ceo buddy. he also owns a multimillion dollar company and kuroo’s and his have a sort-of contract so you see him a lot in meetings
yaku is like one of the top performing managers so whenever yall have branch meetings he’s there
dog hybrid!bokuto:
kuroo is the black neighborhood cat bokuto almost murdered cough cough i did that on purpose yes i did
kenma is also another neighborhood cat. you don’t see him around that often but now that bokuto got jealous he stays far away.
hinata is the orange chihuahua i briefly mentioned
i couldn’t decide whether akaashi would stay human and be his previous owner or also be a cat/dog/owl. so lets say he’s ur human friend that is your bestie and comes over a lot. bokuto likes him, though. still gets jealous a bit.
pirate!ushijima:
tendou is practically is right hand man
the rest of the team have something to give idk how to explain pirate team members okay-
BUT BUT BUT- they do have sea rivals which are the seijoh pirates. you ran into them one day and oikawa thought you were kidnapped (you were, but you liked it there) so he tried to do you justice and failed miserably. ushijima ragdolled him into the ocean when he flirted w you.
mafia!kita:
the twins are something akin to mercenaries basically. or just plain lackeys.
suna is an informant/cyber mercenary. he gathers information about ppl which is how he knew about you. and he’s a hacker lol.
aran is his second-in-command, omimi + ginjima are his bodyguards
a/n: im going to regret posting this
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crossovereddie · 3 years
Text
Thoughts on 11x06
I had to come back to type this after the episode. I was gonna wait to post until more people are active but everyone’s safety is more important than notes. This was really hard for me to watch. It took me two hours because I kept needing a break. It’s a tough one yall. It’s heartbreaking and really brought out issues I didn’t know I was still dealing with until I reacted so badly to some stuff. Take care of yourselves and I’m here if you need to talk. I’ll have timestamps for major tws in another post coming right after this. I just gotta go back and get the end of those scenes. I only go the time they started.
Okay. So. There’s some trigger warnings that I’ve reblogged earlier. This recap WILL have thoughts about those triggers. If you think you’ll be triggered just message me or send me an ask and I’ll give you the non triggering recap. Stay safe please.
Kev and v intro. They’re having sex behind the bar
I’m extremely nervous for some reason I might not be able to get through this
Bike heist!!
LICKEY RIGHTS
LIP CALLS HIM MICK
MISSION IMPISSIBLE
Mickey is unimpressed
Lip telling Mickey what to do yes please
Fucking Mickey omg
HE LOOKS SO GOOD
THE WAY HE SAYS BRAD
Again Mickey is unimpressed
Lip :(
MICKEY CONCERNED ABOUT LIPS SOBRIETY
AGAIN I SAY LICKEY RIGHTS
Frank is falling the chick he’s boning Monica
Not sure that’s her real name
Wait yeah it is
Frank??? Has to get to work???
Wait her name isn’t Monica
Oh shut now I get what’s happening
“Can I speak to Pope Francis please” LIAM 😭
Poor baby
Lip cooking breakfast. Hot.
I forgot about camis baby
I actually beep bad for lip and Tami
We already heard this argument with Mickey and Ian get new material writers
PRODIGAL THEIF
PINK BOX HES SO CUTE
HE LOOKS SO CUTE GOTTA SQUEEZE HIM PLS
Yeah don’t tell Carl that traitor
MICKEY BROUGHT DONUTS PLS
HES SO CUTE
ITS TOO MUCH
I LOVE HIM
HIS SMILE!!!!!!!!
GALLAGHER YOUTH
THAT MEANS MICKEY TOO BYE
CARL CALLING HIM MICK TOO PLS
I CANT TAKE IT
Poor Liam he’s terrified
“I was hoping the fucker would just die” :(
Shut up Debbie
Mickey is beautiful
Leave Mickey out of it debbie goddamn
I cant fucking stand her
Frank just observing his kids and smiling
Same frank
SHUT UP DEBBIE
OH MY GOD HIS LAUGH IS THIS WHAT YOU HEAR WHEN YOU FIRST GET TO HEAVEN????
“And the smartest” lol
Someone save Liam
“I want Sandy”
We all do kid
Fucking manipulative little I CANT STAND DEBBIE
Sandy deserves better
I hate the Milkovichs!!!!
How did smart sensitive sweet beautiful loving Mickey come from this disgusting family????
MICKEY IS THE BOSS
My heart hurts so him
“Homo sexy” dear god
Mickey is too good he deserves so much better
I love him so much
Let him be happy
Mickey has the biggest heart
They’re actually talking and not fighting
CHAPO STFU
You’re so funny and smart and beautiful don’t forget that baby
SUGAR TITS
And no one is fazed lmao
“He’s actually my uncle and my dad” I fucking hate this show
I forgot Carl makes legit money now
Wtf kinda school is this
This is so fucked up
The twins are so adorable
SHUT UP DEBBIE
“You guys” I hate that but also she’s acknowledging Mickey as “hers” and he’s family :(
Okay this horrifying comment
I hate that it’s just nonchalant
Debbie just keeps talking.
Let’s move on
Mickeys face when she says “butt naked”lmao
LIP CALLING HIM MICK AGAIN
“Talk to you for a minute?”
“Yes. Please”
I LOVE IT
Mickey is unimpressed by lip once again and I’m smiling
They love each other they’re secretly best friends ITS A FACT
HAND SHAKE SO CUTE
MY BABIES
“Blue like my balls” fucking frank lol
They’re going in on Frank’s storyline now
Boss Mickey at it again
Terry’s home
The way his face falls im sick
SANDY BABY
My heart is racing
Mickeys face is breaking my heart
Great now I’m crying
Mickey got emotional
Ian sensed it and touched his neck all fucking sweet
Okay I had to take a little break because I started crying
I love him too much
Fucking Noel is so damn good
My heart is fucking breaking
“Frank’s not a homophobic psychopath who tortured you for years”
Please Mickey deserves better
I don’t wanna hear any Ian slander either.
In this house we protect my son and my son in law I will fight you
“Let’s get the fuck outta here. Lip you coming?” 😭
That was so hard to watch yall. I’m not gonna lie to you. My parents weren’t half as shitty as terry but growing up feeling unloved your whole life fucks you up anyway and that brought out some emotions and feelings I didn’t realize I still dealt with. I had to pause for a good while and cry.
Leave Sandy alone debbie
Terry is disgusting
Okay the homophobic language he uses is definitely triggering so I’ll time stamp that too
Debbie you selfish bitch
Everyone leaving terry outside it’s a yes from me
I honestly can’t concentrate on the other scenes now I’m sorry y’all
I try to cover everyone’s scenes but it’s hard for me today
I’m not okay
Liam is too innocent poor kid
MICKEY LIP AND IAN THE BEST TRIO
We need more scenes
Tumblr media
I PAUSED TO TYPE AND THE FUCKING LOOK HES GIVING HIM STOP
They’re besties
Mickey is beautiful
MY BABY BUSINESS BOSS MAN I LOVE YOU
he really hasn’t called him Philip the entire episode wtf
Ignoring Debbie
Now I want fries
Carl is cringy
Mickey drove them home and pulled a gun
Honestly again another heartbreaking scene
Ian’s trying to make him stop
Terry is disgusting and also a coward but we’ve been knew
Noel is the most amazing
Mickey gets teary but doesn’t cry bc I cried enough for the both of us
He’s the strongest bravest ever and I’m so proud of him
I need a hug
My heart hurts so much y’all
I just want him to be happy
I’m a fucking mess
I can’t handle Lip being emotional too
Oh I thought lip wanted to sell the house for himself only but at least they all get their share
Horrible music choice
I wanna tuck Mickey in with his favorite tv show on(911) make him his favorite food to eat in bed and not let anyone but Ian around him for a good 72 hours
The way Ian is looking at him
“Would you take care of me if I was paralyzed?”
“....yeah. Yeah”
“Top you whenever I wanted” “asshole”
His smile is back that’s all I need in life
MICKEY IS TOO GOOD FOR THIS WORLD
RIP DOWN THAT FLAG YES BABY
“That was big of you” “he’s an asshole...I wanna be better than that”
WHEN I TELL YALL I LOST IT I MEAN FULL ON SOBBING
YOURE ALREADY A THOUSAND TIMES BETTER THAN THAT PIECE OF SHIT
YOURE SO KIND AND BRAVE AND BEAUTIFUL INSIDE AND OUT
Ian’s like “back of the head? Gotta grab and hold my boy”
“You are so much better than that” IAN MY SWEET SON IN LAW I LOVE YOU THANK YOU FOR LOVING OUR BOY SO WELL
IAN IS THE MOST SUPPORTIVE HUSBAND
V spitting truth
I want terry to fucking suffer
Don’t do it frank
“Nah” LMAO
Frank loves his son in law
Sandy I love you
I need to hold her
No debbie I LOVE HER
NO SANDY LOVE ME INSTEAD
DEBBIE DOESNT DESERVE YOU
Carl scene was so awful I feel so bad for him this girl is a fucking psycho
That was an actual rape scene what the fuck
Mickey making frank laugh
Debbie explaining? Really?
I hate her
“How long is this gonna take? I’m fucking starving Lip” WHY WONT YOU CALL HIM PHILIP
“We could get on with our lives” well that hurt more than it should’ve
It’s really the end soon huh? 😢
According to captions Ian says “we’re in”
Frank reads his diagnosis
Carl goes to report his rape
That took me nearly two hours to watch. Yeah I usually pause to type but I had to take long breaks after the hard scenes. It was a really hard episode to watch. A lot darker than it has been. I’m not really okay right now. It was emotional but a really good episode overall.
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terfslying · 5 years
Text
All longanon answers:
also why does nobody care that gc men/radfems talk positively about intersex issues FOR THEIR OWN SAKE not just to confuse people about sex. Some of us have CAH or AIS, PAIS. 2nd, a GC opinion: men want uteri & to go by she? Go for it. I think it's reactionary, & I'll be open about that, but it's not my choice. But pushing lines like "lesbians like dick, afab-exclusive=fetish" is WRONG. My family has already brought up transdick as a gotcha. Too few of yall care about fallout for gnc/gay people.
Not sure if this is out of order however: “afab-exclusive = fetish” is wrong, it’s not a view I support, and I agree there’s fallout for gay people, so why are you telling me off for pushing it when I don’t?
where do I see lesbians like dick? everywhere. Not explicitly here, though implied with referencing that some lesbians might like no-op transwomen. You are carving out a niche balanced view, and I appreciate that. Don't pretend like it's the majority of the trans/nb community, or the liberal or leftist take on things.
Why are you talking to me as if I am speaking for the entire liberal or leftist ‘take’? You’re talking to me, you get my viewpoint.
there's a lot more going on with ‘erase women’s anatomy and oppression’ than I even have knowledge of. But for me some big ones: it's no longer women's reproductive justice. It's pregnant people, despite us all knowing damn well the intersection between our potential reproductive system and how woman has meant (still means) property too often. Femininity isn't social control, it's fun! It's expression, medically necessary, a part of womanhood. Rapes/assault being covered up.
“Pregnant people” vs “pregnant women” is important in medical contexts to prevent female people being denied medical care on account of not being ‘women’. It also makes self-help resources more inclusive for gnc female people.
“Femininity isn’t social control, it’s fun!” - femininity is social control for female people. Non-female people practicing femininity are literally breaking their prescribed gender roles and undermining the patriarchy.
“Rapes/assault being covered up” - specific examples?
And I'm sorry but I've seen some of the same trans-activist people in threads you're on, who you interact with positively, say shit like "anyway terfs die". Now, maybe someone they perceive as a terf has threatened them. Someone I know to be trans has threatened me. Is it ok for me to go online and say "TRAs, die"? Ofc not. So you tell me you call hateful TRAs out equal to calling out terfs, and I have doubts. Perhaps you could title your blog Terfs and Misogynist TRAs lying, and work on that.
I like how manipulatively you have phrased, “someone they perceive as a terf” vs. “someone I know to be trans”. I’ve also seen hundreds of TERFs online post shit like “Trannies die”, and had death threats personally from people I KNOW to be TERFs. Both sides behave like shit in that sense, and both sides feel like they are on the defensive. The only way to end that nonsense is to STOP participating in “well they do _____ so it’s okay for me to do _______”. But guess what? I’m also not the Tumblr police. Do you personally check the blog history of every person you interact with on Tumblr to ensure they’ve never said anything Problematique? Because I don’t, sorry.
re: erasing women's oppression, there's also a deliberate attempt to chuck out all the shit from the 70s you apparently hate. God forbid we misgender a rapist, or "cancel" any man for misogyny, but reading even excerpts from old radical feminists? Heresy, evil, invaders. Quite fucking honestly, I'll look into the history, but this calling some women political lesbian and thus dead to us thing has all sorts of potential as antifeminist slander. Especially if men think they can talk on it.
I’m talking about actual events in the 70’s that set up the trans-discourse-in-lesbian-spaces-non-stop situation, not whatever shit you’re talking about here.
Also, I have literally done readings and annotations of many radical feminist texts on this site. Stop using me as a puppet to argue with every person you’ve ever thought was a TRA.
I’m also curious if when you became "ex-" radfem, does this mean you also became against being critical of porn and critical of the sex industry? Note - critical of the INDUSTRY and culture, as in the corporations and bosses, pimps, traffickers, johns, and the academics, "art", and media who cover it as queer or fun or sexy or a good way to pay off student loans... not the workers or the prostituted (i'm differentiating here based on a spectrum of how much autonomy and liberty is retained)
No, it doesn’t mean that. I’ve said before - I am pro sex-worker and believe in evidence based rules for helping women in that situation, which means no Nordic system, but I don’t believe that you can ‘manage’ any sex workers in a brothel-type situation without it being dangerous.
I also am passionately opposed to all kinds of trafficking and slavery for personal reasons, and that obviously includes people trafficked for sex work.
at the end of the day I'm still just like... why can't women who love cis and trans women (or men who love cis and trans men) just say you're bi and that's your preference? Why does gay and lesbian have to always theoretically be flexible? It's obviously used against us, in a biased manner (again, does anyone really expect and go after straight people to be flexible?) ... and is it really worth it? Is temporary relief of a social construct borne pain worth it?
It’s not for ‘relief of a social construct borne pain’ - it’s just to accurately describe myself.
Because I’m not bi. I’m a lesbian. I exist in my city’s lesbian society, as a lesbian who dates lesbians. Then later, I became trans-inclusive. ‘Lesbian’ has to be flexible because human beings are flexible.
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captaindboss · 5 years
Text
captaindboss’ Hottest NHL Players Survey Responses
I’m demonkonecny bc it’s halloween!!! Happy Halloween!!! Anyway I’m finally posting the results of my hottest players per team survey, (it’s closed now so u can’t take it anymore, sorry) which included ur fav ugly hots like jack eichel and connor mcdavid. Y’all had some colorful write-in responses for me, I included my favorites! Anyway, as not to clog dashes I put it under a read more. If you have questions about how I compiled this data or how I organized it, feel free to ask! Also some of y’all didn’t put an answer for like half the teams???? who raised you.
Montreal Canadians
Carey Price (55.02%--126 of 229 votes)
Jonathan Drouin (23.58%--54 of 229 votes)
Shea Weber (13.10%--30 of 229 votes)
Other* (8.30%--19 of 229 votes)
*= Inconclusive results.
Write-ins
“PK Subban...oh wait...Lars Eller... Oh wait...Drouin...oh wait...Alex Galchenyuk...oh wait shit fine Shea Weber”
“Everyone who has escaped”
“their ‘attitude problem’“
Boston Bruins
Brandon Carlo (30.26%--69(lol) of 228 votes)
Patrice Bergeron (Cause y’all would kill me if I didn’t put him) (29.82%--68 of 228 votes)
David Pastrnak (yum i lov carb) (25.88%--59 of 228 votes)
Other* (14.04%--32 of 228 votes)
*= Inconclusive results.
Write-ins
[About Carlo] “He’s  a baby but also like has an ageless vampire quality which appeals to my ovaries, long conditioned by teen vampire novels”
“Brad Marchand's tongue (only the tongue)” [this ain’t it chief]
“I love my alien father tuukka rask” [r u ok]
Bonus, cause I’m weak:
“no one THINKS pasta is hot COME ON i hate us” [it’s okay, he is VERY hot, that’s why I put him lmao]
“Zdeno chara babey” [R U OK]
Bl*ckh*wks
Girl as if (44.80%--99 of 221 votes) 
Jonathan Toews (22.62%--50 of 221 votes)
If you put pk*ne here i’ll come to your house and murder you*^/other (17.65%--39 of 221 votes)
hahahahaHAHAHA (14.93%--33 of 221 votes)
*= tie between Nick Schmaltz and John Hayden.
^= 3 people want me to come to their houses and murder them, unfortunately it’s still illegal to do so, therefore I will not be doing that.
Write-ins
“toews player portrait makes him look like a human condom”
“i live in chicago and am willing to take 1 for the team and take out k*ne” 
“Bitch you funny but also Alex Debrincat”
New York Rangers
Brady Skjei (46.32%--107 of 231 votes)
Henrik Lundqvist duh (31.17%--72 of 231 votes)
Brett Howden is the right answer despite not being on the roster yet^ (11.69% (lol)--27 of 231 votes)
Other* (10.82%--25 of 231 votes)
*= Inconclusive results.
^= funny enough, like 2 days after I made this Brett made the final cut lmao.
Write-ins
“Chris Kreider (have you seen the golf pic???) [LMFAO yeah I have (it’s probably too NSFW if ur in public fyi if u wanna google it)]
“i'm horny for like half the gd rangers roster!!!!” [lol girl I know, y’all actually have a few cuties I was a lil shocked]
“this is a hot team too bad they suck”
Toronto Maple Leafs
Y’all are demons okay Nikita Zaitsev is a fuckin gem idk why I was surprised about this but I was lmao.
Other* (39.37%--87 of 221 votes) [just know that I hate u all :/]
William Nylander (25.79%--57 of 221 votes)
Nazem Kadri (24.89%--55 of 221 votes)
Nikita Zaitsev (9.95%--22 of 221 votes)
*= Freddie Andersen. 
Write-ins
“william nylander isn't a leaf, firstable, and second it's motch murner” [sjdhkdlsjdj everything about this]
“i'm putting rich clune even tho he's on the marlies. SOMETIMES HE COMES UP. he could benchpress ever leaf on the roster.” [ur valid, when u sent this I was like “FUCK they’re right.”]
“None they look like 25 year olds who smoke crack in the parking lot” [this is low-key mean but I still laughed, cause yeah, white dudes. But I’m not condoning drug abuse or jokes about drug abuse, as this person had no intention of doing, I’m sure. Just wanted to put that because I know some people might be concerned.]
Bonus, again, weak:
"Jxhn Txvxrxs” [jhkhfoij why did u censor his name sis??]
“nobody’s attractive on the leafs” [this isn’t true but I’m petty and it’s funny.]
Detroit Red Wings
I was so fucking offended by some of the dylan larkin SLANDER up in these write-ins, y’all can come to my house and fight me thx.
Dylan Larkin (48.23%--109 of 226 votes)
Henrik Zetterberg (im crying) (31.42%--71(CRYING) of 226 votes)
Other* (11.95%--27 of 226 votes)
Andreas Athanasiou (8.41%--19 of 226 votes)
*= 12 votes for “No one/Not Dylan Larkin” (yall r annoying lmfao), 10 votes for Filip Zadina (he’s a CHILD how dare u)
Write-Ins
“Luke glen denting is hot look at his arms and he’s not too old for ME” [girl when I tell u this shit killed me, I mean I SQUAWKED a laugh out and sent it to the fps gc, I was DEAD] 
“I don't know what any of the red wings look like and it's probably better that way” [????????????????]
“ion know anyone on the wings except zadina and he scored a gwg against the bruins yesterday so my answer for this one is none 😤😤” [(this was in reference to a pre-season game) lmao sis yall are okay. it was yalls babies against our roster players, I would have offed myself had the outcome been any different lmao]
Bonus
“Does anyone actually play for the red wings” [no]
“filip "thot" zadina” [don’t....]
Los Angeles Kings
The only right answer is Alec Martinez (41.56%--96 of 231 votes)
Adrian Kempe (38.10%--88 of 231 votes)
Anze Kopitar (12.12%--28 of 231 votes)
Other* (8.23%--19 of 231 votes)
*= Inconclusive results.
Write-ins
“jeff carter would snort a line of coke with gritty” [uhhhhh WHAT]
“uhh wayne gretzky...” [jvfluhddsf sis...]
“I couldn't name anyone on this team if you PAID ME” [fjldfdhfh god I wish that were me, sorry annie u know I joke....]
Philadelphia Flyers
Claude Giroux (44.78%--103 of 230 votes)
Travis Konecny (HAHAHAHAHA that’s my ugly hot gremlin) (24.78%--57 of 230 votes
Other* (22.17%--51 of 230 votes
Wayne Simmonds (8.26%--19 of 230 votes)
*= Nolan Patrick is apparently who y’all think is the 3rd hottest flyer, even tho he Looks Like That rn lmao. fuckin’ lettuce head.
Write-ins
“Gritty's googly eyes are the windows to the soul”
“andrea helfrich” [ur right]
“tk, because country boy i LOVE you 😛”
Bonus
“hey don't make threats abt gritty like that” [I put “if you put gritty i’ll block you”]
“My hellspawn son [Gritty,] is beautiful can’t believe Voracek and G had a son tho” [HDKUHEDKJFHD BITCH]
Pittsburgh Penguins :(
Kris Letang (55.17%--128 of 232 votes)
Other* (19.40%--45 of 232 votes)
Not Sidney Crosby [this is the option for Sidney Crosby] (16.81%--39 of 232 votes)
Tristan Jarry (8.62%--20 of 232 votes
*= different variations of “none” won but only by one vote, the person right behind was Jamie Oleksiak.
Write-ins
“the penguins roster came into my home and killed my entire family, but jamie oleksiak is 6'7" 255 lbs of A Man” [NDKFHSJRFDRBSKRFH valid]
“no penguin has ever been hot. As soon as they put on the jersey the hotness evaporates. Tragic.” [wow look at all that truth right there]
“as a heterosexual i chose letang, and as a flyers fan i choose the penguin mascot” [lmao girl letang is not the answer either]
St. Louis Blues
Colton Parayko (67.11%--151 of 225 votes)
Alex Pietrangelo (17.33%--39 of 225 votes)
Other* (8%--18 of 225 votes)
Ryan O’Reilly (7.56%--17 of 225 votes)
*= Inconclusive results.
Write-ins
“this [’other’] box shouldn’t exist there are no valid arguments against the angel colton parayko” [tru, but the blues have other hotties so I made the box to be fair to those of us who don’t like Big Blonde Sexies]
“uh valid i guess? idk any of the blues lmao” [LMAOOO I think they meant Vladdy, but “valid” cracked me up]
“ROR can lay me down” [ur so valid lmao]
Buffalo Sabres
Jeff Skinner (60.18%--136 of 226 votes)
Rasmus Ristolainen (17.26%--39 of 226 votes)
Other* (14.16%--32 of 226 votes)
Jack Eichel (8.41%--19 of 226 votes)
*= Inconclusive results. [Y’all big mad that I put Skinner on here. HE’S HOT!]
Write-ins
“Idk but not these lmao” [*instert that gif of the kardashians like “DON’T BE FUCKING RUDE”*]
“Why is Jeff Skinner an option he looks 12″ [who else tho sis. I looked at the roster!]
“If anyone says eichel i will come to their house and steal their toothbrushes. Its conor sheary.” [I took my own survey and picked Eichs but I still have my toothbrush so I guess......... I’m right.]
Bonus:
“Rasmus Ristolainen kinda looks like a creepy half-alive Ken doll, but I'll stand by my choice. Hire an exorcist.” [JDFKHRFWEH GIRL]
“They lost their only cute player when O’Reilly got traded sorry” [boom. roasted]
Vancouver Canucks
Brock Boeser (67.56%--152 of 225 votes)
Other* (13.78%--31 of 225 votes)
Jake Virtanen (12.44%--28 of 225 votes)
Ben Hutton (6.22%--14 of 225 votes)
*=Inconclusive results.
Write-ins
“[about Jake Virtanen] all that ass...........” [sjdkfhdkfhdkhfi yeah]
“the city of vancouver” [?????????????????????]
“I keep forgetting that the canucks actually exist” [I’m reasonably sure this is annie lmfao]
Bonus
“I don’t know how any of this team looks either” [idk if I follow Nucks blogs or what but how do u not know Boeser???]
“i don't care enough about this team to even attempt to answer” [this is my brain @ me on the last 5 questions of an exam]
New York Islanders
Mat Barzal (67.69%--155 of 229 votes)
Tito Beauvillier (14.85%--34 of 229 votes)
Jordan Eberle (10.48%--24 of 229 votes)
Other* (6.99%--16 of 229 votes)
*=Inconclusive results.
Write-ins
“you say put full names but then u go and say tito??” [LISTEN I was tired at this point and forgot that I was trying to be at least a little bit professional about my thirst survey alright? yeesh]
“Its Matt Martin my dude” [LMAO u funny]
“idk how anyone pays attention to mat when tito is always there looking better barzal looks like every attractive jock ive ever met and i dont trust that”
Calgary Flames
Noah Hanifin (37.95%--85 of 224 votes)
Elias Lindholm (32.59%--73 of 224 votes)
Matthew Tkachuk (20.54%--46 of 224 votes)
Other* (8.93%--20 of 224 votes)
*= Sean Monahan wins 4th hottest.
Write-ins
“[Hanifin] looks like the bad guy in a teen movie. the guy the Main Girl is dating in the beginning but is a real dick to her. you look at him and you KNOW he has a trust fund and votes republican. god he's so hot though” [hanny......... yeah.... yeah....]
“Why do I find Tkachuk attractive? I don't know but I love him” [me too]
“James 'The Real Deal' Neal” [lol I got this answer multiple times]
Washington Capitals
Tom Wilson (31.33%--73 of 233 votes)
Andre Burakovsky (29.18--68 of 233 votes)
Braden Holtby (24.03%--56 of 233 votes)
Other* (15.45%--36 of 233 votes)
*= Michal Kempny and Nicklas Backstrom tied for fourth hottest.
Write-ins
“literally no one, i s2g if i see anyone say ovi is attractive..... jfc god help them” [.... but ovi is dad-hot, also he got 3 votes]
“YOUR STANLEY CUP CHAMPIONS! Everyone btw just a hot team of hot ugly men and Tom Wilson” [kskdjskdjksks]
“my sweaty swedish sweetheart; Nicklas Backstrom” [I’m too illiterate to read this right the first time thru lol]
Colorado Avalanche
Gabe Landeskog ( 55.95%--127 of 227 votes)
Other* (22.47%--51 of 227 votes)
Erik “Horsegirl” Johnson (14.1%--32 of 227 votes)
Mikko Rantanen (7.49%--17 of 227 votes)
*= Tyson Barrie won by more than double of all the other write-ins, but honorable mentions go to Nate MacK, Colin Wilson, Tyson Jost, Phillip Grubauer, and The Avs Tumblr People.
Write-ins - I (jokingly) got called bitch so much in these write-ins, y’all feel some type of WAY about this team lmfao.
“but also the tysons. i would buy a whole farm just so those boys could plow me into the ground.” [i’m SCREECHING. this killed me lol]
“only attractive b/c of his proximity to horses? maybe so.” [.... girl what]
Okay, so instead of a third quote, cause I couldn’t pick, I’m gonna put all the other funny EJ comments I was contemplating:
“ej is soooo ugly in the hottest way possible”
“erik "big horny" johnson”
“oh my god Ej was included for once I'm weeping tears of joy”
“What that mouth do EJ?”
New Jersey Devils
Miles Wood (36.12%--82 of 227 votes)
Taylor Hall (33.48%--76 of 227 votes)
Brian Boyle (19.82%--45 of 227 votes)
Other* (10.57%--24 of 227 votes)
*= Nico Hischier with the majority of the write-ins, even tho he’s still a CHILD (under 20).
Write-ins, aka Mostly Taylor Hall Commentary.
“Does Michael McLeod count” [YES girl i love that boy]
“Gucciiiiiii”
“DSL GUCCI”
“Nico Hischier (Taylor Hall I still love you)”
“i chose taylor and i don’t even need a gucci purse”
“If Taylor Hall gave me a Gucci purse I'd vote for him”
“catch me w/ a gucci purse, girl!!!! for real tho miles wood”
Dallas Stars
DISCLAIMER: I mean no disrespect to Katie, she’s fab and I made this survey a month or so ago. If you don’t know what I mean by this--do not ask me, I will delete the message. Thank you!
Tyler Seguin (46.96%--108 of 230 votes)
Katie Hoaldridge (im gay) (35.22%--81 of 230 votes)
Other* (13.91%--32 of 230 votes)
Stephen Johns (3.91%--9 of 230 votes)
*= Jamie Benn.
Write-ins
“tyler seguin has no upper lip” [I screamed, not exaggerating]
“You have to choose [Seguin] but I do so under duress”
“Im gay too” [hell yeah, this is a mlm and wlw friendly survey!]
Edmonton Oilers
Jujhar Khaira (28.57%--64 of 224 votes)
Other* (27.68%--62 of 224 votes)
Contract McMoney (he is hot) (25.89%--58 of 224 votes)
Darnell Nurse (17.86%--40 of 224 votes)
*= Leon Draisaitl won by more than 5 times anyone elses write-in lmao.
Write-ins ft. “The Draisaitl Quotes”
“McMoney’s money- just his money” [lmao ok sammie, HE’S HOT!]
“cannot mcwingames went off in the gq shoot i admit” [*annie voice* OHMYGOD]
“He’s [Khaira] like a romance novel cover like, f me” [tru]
Drai Quotes
“Drai but like lucic cause Momma needs a man that could kill me” [HDGFDHDGFHDH]
“leon dreisetl (is that his name, is this how you spell it?)”
“Leon Draisaitl and his contract that he doesn't deserve” [backhanded compliment lmao]
“the one w the longass name. dry saitl or whatever” [girl. lmfao]
Winnipeg Jets
Jets/laine fans are funny so I’m adding all the funniest ones instead of just 3 or 5. Sorryyyyyy I’m here to entertain.
Blake Wheeler (44.04%--96 of 218 votes)
Mathieu Perreault (but specifically in his newest headshot) (21.56%--47 of 218 votes)
Other* (19.27%--42 of 218 votes)
Connor Hellebuyck (15.14%--33 of 218 votes)
*= Patrik Laine, even tho I said NOT TO, demons.
Write-ins
“Their logo so I can fly away from this stupid team”
“Nobody but I just needed to point out Connor Hellebuyck looks like a stage magician and that is Not Hot” [i respectfully disagree with the last bit but the first parts made me snort]
“I don't know who windy pegg is”
“Boeing 747″ [sjdjsljlshgdu]
“they’re all second to jacob trouba’s dog Donnie”
“Patty Laine, but like, without the demon beard”
“Let me live my life! Laine has a good voice and i have a LANGUAGE KINK!”
“Laine WITH the beard because I don't fear death”
“Sorry, Laine but only with his beard” [I love the halfhearted apology]
“Goatboi”
“ALL HAIL THE GOAT DEVIL”
“laine come at me bitch lol” [denny’s parking lot. 3 am. be there.]
“laine looks like a goat”
“Laine’s Beard”
“LAINE I like the beard but hockey Satan is good to hellebuyck” [I really felt like I was tripping balls while reading all these but, ESPECIALLY this one lmfao]
Arizona Coyotes
Oliver Ekman-Larsson (30.32%--67 of 221 votes)
Jakob Chychrun (28.05%--62 of 221 votes)
Dylan Strome (26.24%--58 of 221 votes)
Other* (15.38%--34 of 221 votes)
*= Alex Galchenyuk, with the majority of the votes.
Write-ins
“pls date me Chych” [annie, that’s my BF!]
“ 🐼 there is no raccoon emoji >:(”
“[Chychrun] [a]lso has a vampire quality but like trust fund baby vampire who has no morals. I’m...into it??” 
Honorable mentions: The 2 people who put Biz lmaoooo I love yall.
Carolina Hurricanes
Andrei Svechnikov [he’s a baby but I didn’t know who elseeee] (38.29%--85 of 222 votes)
Haydn Fleury (35.59%--79 of 222 votes)
Other* (15.77%--35 of 222 votes)
Dougie Hamilton (10.36%--23 of 222 votes)
*= Sebastian Aho wins the write-in vote [he ain’t it!]
Write-ins
“Justin Faulk (I’m old so svechnikov is out)” [ugh ur right I didn’t make this more inclusive to people not my age, i’m (genuinely) sorry!!!]
“Formerly Eric ‘the hottest Staal' Staal” [only on the cane’s write-in would I have this happen...]
“[Jordan] staal terrifies me but that's hot” [true!]
San Jose Sharks
Erik Karlsson (70.04%--159 of 227 votes)
Martin Jones (17.62%-- 40 of 227 votes)
Other* (11.01%--25 of 227 votes)
Justin Braun (idk) (1.32%--3 of 227 votes)
*= Inconclusive results.
Write-ins
“Daddy shark (doo doo doo)” [just so yall know this is, of course, annie, as in anzekopistar, an actual demon, she’s talking about Erik Karlsson :)]
“Brent Burns, you know im right” [are you tho?]
“Okay sometimes I have needs I think Joe Thorton sans beard could fill” [this is why joe shaved. he felt this person in the universe wanting him to, so he did, wow thank u joe]
Ottawa Senators (lol)
Matt Duchene (33.63%--75 of 223 votes)
The entire team (cause they’re a dumpster fire) (30.94%-- 69 [it’s that tkachuk fuckboi energy] of 223 votes)
Other (there are none)* (22.87%--51 of 223 votes)
Spartacat (12.56%--28 of 223 votes)
*= Inconclusive results (because a lot of you took my “there are none” joke a little too seriously and just chose that, no write-in lmao)
Write-ins
“[about Duchene] he's traitorous but it's like that sometimes i guess” [sjdhdjfhkdhf girl it’s okay.]
“.... we're a team“ [i-]
“the senator on their jerseys is p cute ig”
Bonus:
“oh so spartacat is an option but not gritty huh” [LISTEN the flyers are a HOT team, the sens are NOT. that’s why lmao]
“Just based on headshots I’m going with Ben Sexton like also how do you go wrong with that name”
Tampa Bay Lightning
Brayden Point (55.25%--121 of 219 votes)
Other* (22.83%--50 of 219 votes)
Mitchell Stephens (11.87%--26 of 219 votes)
Steve Yzerman (10.05%--22 of 219 votes)
*= Inconclusive results. Although there were a lot of responses none of them added up significantly sooo....
 Write-ins
“am i the only one who thinks stevie y was a bit of a twink when he was younger?” [jdhslihdalskdjefh]
“Worst team in the league i hate them and theyre all hideous” [u sure bout that, bud?]
“Stamkos (I love his tiny eyes)” [????]
Florida Panthers
 Aaron Ekblad (71.75%--160 of 223 votes)
Aleksander Barkov [r yall ok???] (11.66%--26 of 223 votes)
Other* (10.31%--23 of 223 votes)
Vincent Trocheck (6.28%--14 of 223 votes)
*= Inconclusive results.
Write-ins
“who are the panthers” [sometimes a team is a dog captain, a(n extremely hot) 27-year-old lawyer, and not owen tippett because the panthers hate me specifically]
“Roberto Luongo during Parkland speech” [... valid]
“barkov is literally the only player i know on this team” [shey would be happy to teach u about the panthers!]
Anaheim Ducks
Adam Henrique (52.47%--117 of 223 votes)
No one else (29.6%--66 of 223 votes)
Other* (10.76%--24 of 223 votes)
John Gibson (7.17%--16 of 223 votes)
*=Inconclusive results.
Write-ins-Ducks fans don’t @ me but i’m pretty sure half of these were submitted by y’all anyways....
“if i look @ anyone on the ducks roster for more than 5 seconds i BLACK OUT” [KSHDGJDHSKH Adam tho....]
“Quack Quack go lay your eggs somewhere else you feathered FUCKS” [sjdjfhdjsksj]
“legal 2 say kesler?” [no. go to jail]
Bonus
“Henrique is fine I have no qualms about your selections” [thnk u]
“jared coreau!!! GOOGLE HIM i’m right” [I said this, and we’ve talked, but I need people to know that I, after seeing this, subsequently found out that the Wings didn’t sign coreau back this offszn lmao] 
Nashville Predators
Roman Josi (39.39%--91 of 231 votes)
PK Subban (37.66%--87 of 231 votes)
Kevin Fiala (13.42%--31 of 231 votes)
Other* (9.52%--22 of 231 votes)
*= Pekka Rinne for 4th hottest. [My mom loves him for his name lol. she says it’s “fun”]
Write-ins 
“pk wears cool hats. I like that in a man”
“I don't find any of them hot (Josi used too be hot and then I learned he was illiterate and now I feel nothing but pity towards him)” [GIRL]
“preds are also ugly. pk subban would be attractive if he werent a pred” [lmao. what’d they do to u ?]
Columbus Blue Jackets
Pierre-Luc Dubois (50.22%--113 of 225 votes)
Zach Werenski (20.44%--46 of 225 votes)
Josh Anderson (16.89%--38 of 225 votes)
Other* (12.44%--28 of 225 votes)
*= Alex Wennberg is 4th hottest [lmao]
Write-ins
“Can I put werenskie and Anthony Duclair” [valid]
“Just to be clear CBJ is by far the hottest team exemplified by the fact that you left Seth Jones and Alexander Wenneberg off this list when they're like top 20 in hotness. Also Nick Foligino wins if we include looks and personality.” [I didn’t include them cause this is a mix of hot and ugly hot fam, the avs are 100% the hottest team in the NHL, and that’s coming from me, a Wings fan, destined to hate the Avs for my entire life. Also???? The hotter Foligno is def Marcus lmao]
“[About Werenski] only with the scar though otherwise seth jones” [GIRL scars don’t disappear??? WDYM only with the scar??? Are you a time traveler??? lmfaooo]
Minnesota Wild
J.T. Brown (46.46%--105 of 226 votes)
Other* (21.68%--49 of 226 votes)
Eric Staal (20.80%--47 of 226 votes)
Jason Zucker (11.06%--25 of 226 votes)
*= Charlie Coyle. Honorable mentions to Zach Parise and Matt Dumba.
Write-ins
“Charlie Coyle man! V hot, could kill you, gently waves at babies, 10/10″ [exactly my type! wow]
“ Not JT[,] Lexi is the hottest[,] Eric Staal from a few years ago is also hot” [I added commas to your thing cause.... girl it took me a sec to understand what u were tryna say. But also ur right it’s Lexi.]
“love a #wokebae jt” [yaaas]
FINALLY this legit took me like 10+ hours of work cause I had to transcribe all the info cohesively and then go thru all the responses lmao.
Vegas Golden Knights
William Karlsson (40.52%--94 of 232 votes)
Marc-Andre Fleury (30.60%--71 of 232 votes)
Max Pacioretty (16.81%--39 of 232 votes)
Other* (12.07%--28 of 232 votes)
*= Inconclusive results.
Write-ins
“[Karlsson] because he looks like young Bill from Mamma Mia” [shfhdjdhf girl]
“fleury isn't hot you absolute monster” [???????? drink ur bitterness tea somewhere else pls]
“let's find out just how wild this boy is” [pftd dtduftdhjfgdjfghdjf]
Bonus/Honorable mentions:
The TWO people who put “colin miller’s eyelashes” lmfaoooo
Alrighty this is The End! If you’d like to see another survey by me let me know in my messages/ask!!! Also sorry for stealing de la Rose from u, habs fans
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haechanti-remade · 6 years
Note
compliment some of ur mutuals! why not spread love! let this be a bridge to let u make new friends, or simply remind ur pals of how amazing they are! share this around if u’d like💕💕💕💕
listen im a big shy baby so im gonna use this to gush about some mutuals i always do (i wanted to gush abt more people but that would make this post Way Too Long + i have another one of these sitting in my inbox uwu) but like ok here we go it’s what they all deserve but also this is just me rambling and repeating words bc i never have any coherent thoughts so bare with me here if none of this actually makes any sense okay
@lofiloey listen jesse is so good and sweet and also? the Best Boy hands down i’m sorry it’s just a fact [i love he (he is jesse)], anyway his moodboards…. really god tier, i love them so much?? his sense of aesthetic and everything is really hecking good im [always] impressed whenever i see his content,, also his art… i love his style and seeing his fanart and his ocs is??? amazing i love it i love them, he just keeps getting more and more talented every day hm :((( also he’s super handsome and supportive, bright and talented and smart and strong, oof and a big cute dork who makes my days easier and brighter, my boyfriend and also my best friend and i don’t know where i’d be without him beside me. he’s also THE best boy i don’t make the rules, it’s just fact, and im always grateful for him being in my life hm
@darlinghyuck scar queen of being soft!! she’s So cute and So sweet (literally made out of sugar im telling you), theres never a moment where she Isn’t the Best Girl okay. first of all her writing and aus are top notch (and mayhaps the reason i ended up following her), they’re so amazing?? we stan?? and her moodboards are always super pretty too oof my heart nyooms :(( she’s really out there being nice and funny and always the sweetest softest lady all the time i really can’t take it, the Best Girlfriend too like OOF im so lucky, she’s just???? the prettiest, both inside and out and idk how to handle that yall, she’s another person who makes my days easier and brighter and im always so thankful for her
@sunshineboymark in this house we love and support miss megan okay i love her so hecking much :(( she’s super sweet and nice and a really interesting person, and talking to her is so so fun whether she’s talking about her love for rosie or talking about photography and her sky pictures or just talking about anything it’s just, really good and easy and i appreciate her so much???? miss megan really deserves the world and all the happiness in it shes so strong and smart and talented, through her good days and her bad she’s really one of the best people i know and im so thankful that she’s here and existing oof
@darlingrenjun listen okay so jemmie is the one with the most braincells, they’re the Most Functioning Bi i’ve ever met, they’re good and valid and also So Powerful??? Honestly jemmie is a god tier person, they have such a good personality and good morals and they’re kind and sweet and helpful and they’re really Role Model material. jem is really one of the best people i know Truthfully,, but also they’re super soft they’re never shutting up about how much they love renjun or kun or really anyone in nct in the autobots gc and that??? so valid we love a soft bean [jem]
@scungmin and here we have emily…. sweet emily, always tellin me, a twink to shup and callin me a f*rry/sc*lie…….. it’s Slander against my good name but i don’t mind bc she’s emily and emily is so valid and also im so grateful for her. she’s so Bright and Good and Really Hecking Funny okay, she really [does] deserve so much, she’s young but she’s so mature and smart and a young comedy queen in the making,,, there’s never a dull moment when you’re talking to her, don’t let the sarcasm fool you, she’s soft and sweet and just a tall babie marshmallow OOF we [i] love her in this house,
@rcnjun miss lisa literally her art is God Tier every time she post her art i cry a little bc her style is so cute and Good?? like sometimes she posts some of her sketchbook stuff and it’s always honestly stunning, and also not to mention?? her edits and stuff are always Top Tier… some of them are Completely Ridiculous and big Shitposts, but they’re always so Good, like wow we love stanning talent [lisa]. but also she’s so Nice and friendly??? and the funniest capricorn i know, the MOST valid renjun stan, a comedy queen… hm i could go on but tldr: miss lisa really is a whole all around amazing person and i [hope] she knows that
@1racha okay rose…… she’s so valid and funny and is? one of the best aries i know Thank you for existing okay, every time she spipe up in the gc it’s always a good time and OOF rose really deserves all the good in the world, that cowboy fool. and rose’s art??? holy shit we Stan an art god, every time i see it i’m floored bc it’s always?? so amazing oh my god… like that changbin she drew recently? is honestly amazing (especially the tattoos….. iconique) i was in awe… seeing rose on my dash and talking to her is always Great and really thanks for existing we stan [rose], my yeehaw kin
@monteenlovebot​ bIG OOFS @ her okay listen. miss addy is so cute and good and listen, she’s always calling me out and she cant spell sometimes but thats Okay she’s valid we love [her]. but for real though hm adeline is really adorabl (both inside and out), and she’s really sweet and a hella Good person all around (shes also a Big Soft too oof), and she’s always got good things to say, whether its something Cursed or tea or something soft or just anything in between its always Good Content and talking to her is so fun and oh oof miss adeline really deserves the whole h*cking world :(
@jisquish​ oh india sweet india first of all: aesthetic QUEEN of my god, you’re literally like the sun personified Just Saying, you’re so pretty and im? always quaking in my boots whenever you post a selfie :( second of all: you’ve got talent in every which way WOW a literal queen!!! your voice????? beautiful and good and smooth and??? your writing too??? god tier and good, i cant believe how much talent is in one (1) girl oh my god. also you’re just really nice and humble and funny??? you always have been and oof, i love interacting with you, you really bust my uwus, we all love #1 toothie miss india over here :((
@lqjaehyunanti !!!! she’s honestly one of the nicest people i’ve ever met?? like, interacting with her is always So Nice and she’s always out there spreading so much positive energy and love and it’s??? really refreshing bc not a lot of people are like that lately, and not to mention she’s also super adorable inside and out and hm, we don’t actually /talk/ talk but i always see her interacting with my other mutuals and sometimes we interact too and it’s always just? such a good experience okay miss ellie deserves the whole world
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rnaxwellbeaumont · 7 years
Text
rules: answer the questions & tag 20 followers you’d like to get to know better.
tagged by @stellabeaumont @queenreginascontour​ @smartlillian @michellenguyens this means a lot i love yall sm !!!!!!! sry this took 58 years to answer i wanted to do it properly
name: stephanie
nickname: steph 
zodiac sign: aquarius
hogwarts houses: I took the test when i was 12 and got gryffindor, then again and got slytherin. took the test a few months back and got raveclaw, which i whole heartedly agree with !! i’m also a pukwudgie in ilvermorny!
height: 5′1... rip
sexual orientation: im still.. tryna figure this out tbh

ethnicity: chinese

favourite fruit: banana, honeydew melon, mango
favourite season: winter
favourite book series: the maze runner !!!!!!!, harry potter and the pjo series marked my childhood tbh
favourite fictional characters:  god frickin damn yall sitting down?? this gon be a long one but ill make it short lol 
non choices (m):
stiles stilinski my number bby for life . showed me what love was. will carry this love to my grave. his and dylan obriens existence helped me through the many angsty teen years. I LOVE HIM MUM
tony stark unfollowed blocked and reported if u slander my dad. if yall dislike him then uve missed his entire character arc and fallen for his confident facade and are unable to recognise a mentally ill hero and i feel sorry for u
sam drake. wow. i hate him. this man has ruined my life. unlike tony i actually invite yall haters to show up at my doorstep so i can educate u on why he does not deserve ur negativity. i will provide u a 24 page essay justifying his actions and that he is a Good Man
sam winchester what a kind hearted soul. a pure gigantic nerdy bean that deserves all the damn love. compassionate, sensitive, cares about literally everyone.
dean winchester. everyones emo fave. riddled with sadness but still is stoic as sweet fuck to convince other ppl hes ok.  i relate. deserves the entire goddamn world and to be happy.
non choices (f):
clementine 8 y/o when she lost everything. can hardly push a table in twd game 1. when she turns 14??? ya girl able to singlehandedly chop down a mf tree AND takes care of an orphaned baby all while straight shootin zombies in the head. a legend. ppl sing songs about her.
ellie williams another 14 yr old thrown into post apoc wasteland (@ humanity get ur shit together). sassy lil shit. strong as mf hell. took care of a grown ass dying old man! ‘ELLIE IS THE LITTLE GIRL WHO BROKE YOUR FUCKING FINGER!!!’
elena fisher a literal angel wow nathan drake doesnt deserve her. world doesnt deserve her. smart. dedicated af reporter. high morals nd sensitive but takes no shit. a queen.
leslie knope a ray of poewrful sunshine !! the most fucken determined woman EVER. a soft marshmallow teddy bear. inspires me to keep hustlin and hold my head high
choices (endless summer):
endless summer characters. just a long ass read. anyways i love them
choices (f):
val greaves a mf woman. merc with a mouth ! takes no shit! cares so damn much about kenna. just about ready to kill dom for hurting her. wow. ‘she who craps lightning’ best mf nickname given ever. jake who?
annalyse adair: this goddess back handed bitch slapped azura nd kicked her uglie ass ! look so damn good doin it too. hold my diamonds raydan, this bich messed w the wrong queens kingdom. feminine strong female character written right !
sei rhuka were all just lowlanders to her. a waste of her mf time. we aint good enough for her. stoic silent strong ass woman. oh . sis also a fucking dragon !
hana lee like the most perfect human to ever exist. does it all. can do it all. better than u in every goddamn way. humble and sweet. an innocent angel. this is all her world we’re just living in it. anyone who hurts her can catch these mf hands!
oh god ive written sm im tired yall are just getting my fem faves for choices ok
favourite flower: umm id ont know? like.. the ones i find pretty lol. babys breath? single daisies? anythin deep purple coloured, roses that arent red?? i love flowers tho gimme them all
favourite scents: lavender, vanilla in food goddamn!!, fresh air lol
favourite color: deep purple, pastel pink, unconventional colours in neon lights idk
favourite animal: dogs, doggos, puppers, woofers, otters, deer, wolves
favourite band: all time low, five seconds of summer
coffee, tea or hot chocolate: coffeeEEEEEE
average hours of sleep: it depends on whether i can fall asleep lmao
numbers of blankets: one 
dream trip: @ my nana inheritance wya?? but italy, i just wanna hit basically everywhere europe tbh. iceland, bahamas, MALDIVES. 
last thing I googled: the mummy 2017 (jsdjkf it was so bad i was laughing the whole way through also totally ripped off uncharted 3 ! only watched for queen sofia boutella tho)
how many blogs I followed: 68.. wtf i didnt realise i followed so little????/
numbers of followers: 282 whaat i just startd this blog like a lil over a month ago i love yall!!
what I usually post about: 110% choices!!

do I get asks regularly: nope but sometimes anons pop in to my inbox asking things directed at me and im like?? are u lost fam// i love u anyway thank u
tag (u mightve done this but im tagging u anyway bc i love you heh): 
@thechrispowell @zaddykatsaros @zahranamazis @hollyashton @ohmymaxwell @ladyashtonofcordonia @ohmysnarkydrake @the-light-of-stars @zigisbisexual @kittenmusicals @firefly-hwufanficwriter @endless-vall @endlessbeaumont @heart-drake @nerdy-twin @jakekatsaros @liamxdrake @maxwelbeaumont @luminous-drake-heh @shazrystyles @quarterbackzig @quinn-kelly @lanapowellblog @davesreyes @protect-drake @beccagreaves @zigsexual @heart-jake @ohmysnarkydrake @diamondsaregold @craighsiao @becky-powell
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trip-dip · 7 years
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What is the artist's name?You should stand up for your friend.
YALL HECKBro I shouldn’t have even said anything tbh I just really needed to vent. If it was a thing of they don’t do your commission+they don’t give refunds for that, then I would obviously warn people. But to my knowledge when they do open commissions they don’t scam people, they just happen to be manipulative behind the scenes. I don’t think them being trash is enough to directly slander them. I want to believe the artist will grow out of this and say their sorry, although I doubt it. And even if they don’t, I don’t want me to receive backlash from their followers or my friend to because the artist is really good at playing victim and seeming like a God to a lot of people, myself included for a long time. I think the situation they got themself in will cave in on them and that’ll hopefully be enough for them to grow as a person. I am no longer reaching out to them so I don’t think I’ll ever know if it does or not. I just can’t wait until they’re fully out of our lives.I do wish they weren’t popular because they get a lot of power trips easily, but they are talented and they don’t (to my knowledge) scam commissioners.
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