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#god this was a joy to work on. slightly sad its done
beyondspaceandstars · 3 years
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The Sleeping Situation
Relationship: Bucky Barnes x Reader Warnings: minor mentions of blood, minor (non-descriptive) violence Summary: You finally convince Bucky to sleep with you in the bed, as opposed to the floor, but you find it doesn't exactly go as smoothly as you had hoped it would, leading to some taunting emotions and revelations. A/N: This one went over pretty well on ao3 so fingers-crossed y’all enjoy too! idk how different audiences are - i just like sharing my work :)
Masterlist
You had finally convinced him. After weeks of hints and attempting, he had finally placed himself beneath the duvet, snuggled up right next to your body. 
It was something close to a miracle. Bucky had been sleeping on the floor for as long as you could remember. It had become really something you accepted — like clockwork, after watching a show or movie in the bed, he’d let you doze off then untangle himself to go to the living room.
When you first moved in, he didn’t think you really noticed. He’d always be up before you anyways, nothing seeming out of place but as if you possessed some sixth sense, you could always feel Bucky’s arms leave your waist as he went to retire in the living room.
During attempts at bringing up the bed, Bucky would dismiss it, saying he just hated how soft it was. He couldn’t get comfortable. He wasn’t used to it at all. And while you didn’t doubt this for a second, you still felt something deeper worries had been brewing.
You had decided to start small by having Bucky stay cuddling after your nightly movie viewing. You two would lay in the bed, staring at the ceiling, mindlessly talking about whatever was going on with your days. He seemed at peace with this until your eyes started drooping. Within seconds, the grip on your waist would vanish and he was heading out.
It was fine, though, since you had your moment together and he had found some way to relax in the bed. While you never wanted to push him, you wanted him at least content.
The next level was napping. After work, nearly every day, you’d announce you were laying down for a nap and ask Bucky if he was tired. Usually, he’d just shake his head. But one day he looked absolutely spent and wordlessly followed you into the room. A thrown arm around you loosely, he was able to get some shut-eye…for about 15 minutes. Soon he was uncomfortable and placing a kiss on your cheek, following it with a recoil of his touch. Still, you were taking the win and slowly but surely, the time spent napping would go up. Days bast but eventually he was up to an hour in the bed, napping peacefully.
When he finally decided to take the step to join you for a full eight hours in the queen-sized bed, you were quite shocked but easily overwhelmed with joy.
The movie had just ended and you were closing the laptop when Bucky left the bed. You frowned, watching his figure disappear to the bathroom, worried he was already backing out before cuddles and pillow talk. But you didn’t say anything and instead got comfortable on your side (well — the whole thing could’ve been your side at this point).
As you drifted off, a heavy arm snaked its way around you as you felt the other side of the bed dip. Blinking your eyes opened, you looked over your shoulder and was greeted by a nervous-looking Bucky staring back at you.
You turned to face him and asked, "Everything okay, honey?"
He nodded, "I- I’m going to try- try sleeping here if that’s okay."
Your eyes beamed as a smile you couldn’t suppress made its way to your face. "Of course," you said and placed a good night kiss on his lips. "Sleep well."
"You too, doll," Bucky mumbled and placed another kiss on your forehead. You curled up into him, feeling that he got more relaxed and his heartbeat went steady, drifting off to sleep.
***
Shaking. You were disrupted by something…shaking. Violently. Your first thought as you blinked, waking yourself out of your dazed sleep, was that a spontaneous earthquake was happening.
Except once your mind adjusted, it didn’t take very long to realize the mattress was the only thing shaking — and was the result of Bucky twisting and turning in fear next to you, lost in a nightmare. At some point, he must’ve untangled your cuddling bodies but thankfully that allowed you to sit up quickly, not trapped under whatever was happening.
You watched him, quite stunned to see Bucky thrashing around uncontrollably as whatever images and scenarios took over his brain. You didn’t really know what to do. All your brain could focus on was getting him out of his own thought. You needed him to calm down and know he was perfectly safe.
"Bucky?" You mumbled, your voice scratchy from the tears and fears creeping up. He didn’t react, only whispered some words to himself that you didn’t understand.
You hesitantly reached out for him, placing an experimental touch on his shoulder. He didn’t react at first so you called out his name again and tried shaking him. That was apparently not the right move because the next thing you knew, you were being flung off the bed, the side of your face against your bedside table on your way down. You landed ungracefully on your side, groaning at the unexpected pain.
The fall must’ve been loud enough because the next thing you could comprehend was watching the bed and seeing a very confused and dazed Bucky sit up. He was looking around the dark room, sweaty and anxious. When your eyes met, any color left in him faded. You could practically see the gears turning as he realized what he had done. You on the other hand were still quite surprised by the incident, simply choosing to stare at your boyfriend, watching him scramble off the bed and kneel at your side.
"Doll?" Bucky asked right beside you but his voice sounded so far away.
Taking some deep breaths, your shaky hand came up to your cheek as you felt something wet. Looking at your fingers, it was a sad mix of tears and blood.
A hand being placed on your shoulder made you snap back. You jerked away, turning towards your boyfriend. Bucky was practically frozen watching you, hands in the air, as you rushed to put space between you two.
Realizing the consequences of your actions, your heart sunk and you began apologizing. "Sorry, sorry," you mumbled, trying to furiously wipe away the tears and blood. "I- What happened? Are you okay?" You situated yourself to sit criss-cross in front of him.
"Am I okay?" Bucky shook his head in disbelief. "Are you okay? I- I’m sorry. God, I don’t even know how to apologize for this I am- I am so sorry, doll, I didn’t mean it. It wasn’t me, I swear, it- I had a nightmare and I just- I don’t know what happened." He was rambling, body shaking as he didn’t know what to do. Where to begin. How to explain. His mind was torn as a part of him wanted to hold you… And the other part wanted to leave you forever, utterly terrified of himself.
"Yeah, you seemed a bit upset," you mumbled, trying to hold your hand to your scraped cheek. Bucky saw your struggle and darted to the bathroom to get a washcloth, offering all he could as his words were failing. He handed it to you then took his seat again on the floor.
You dabbed your skin, checking the cloth as the bleeding slowed down. You weren’t sure what to say, either.
"I didn’t know what to do," you finally whispered, looking down at the carpet beneath you. "You were shaking and tossing and- and I just wanted you to wake up. To know you were fine. You seemed so scared-,"
"Alright, alright," Bucky mumbled, cutting you off as he saw you beginning to get worked up. Your body was shaking now as you recalled the last few minutes. The pure suddenness and terror that took over the room. He placed an experimental touch on your knee and, thankfully, you didn’t jump away. "You were fine, doll. This isn’t your fault. I- I knew I wasn’t ready to sleep with anyone and I got ahead of myself and now… Look what happened. God, what have I done?"
His jaw clenched as he spat out the words. You jumped slightly.
"Bucky, you didn’t mean to-,"
"But I did it," he said. "I hurt you and now I think maybe this just isn’t…" He faded off, his hand leaving your knee. He turned towards the bed as you tried searching him for anything, any answer.
"James, don’t." You shook your head. Bucky’s head whipped back to you as he heard the anger, the seriousness, in your voice. "Don’t say whatever you’re going to say. Let’s just go back to sleep and we can figure stuff out in the morning."
Bucky bit his tongue. He just nodded at your request, seriously not trusting his words anymore. He had half the mind to walk out, disappear into the world without you, all in the name of keeping you safe. And like the mind-reader you could be, you knew it. You saw it in his entire demeanor. He was practically planning an escape route at that very moment.
You two finally stood up from the floor. After disregarding the washcloth, you found your way back under the duvet. Bucky wordlessly gathered a blanket and left for the living room, knowing very well this bed was going to be the last place he fell asleep for a long time.
"Bucky," you called out as you were turned away from him. He stopped in the doorway. "To talk in the morning you have to actually be here."
He didn’t respond and instead just nodded his head as if you could see it. Then he promptly exited the room.
While the bleeding had stopped, the tears weren’t as you only heard the sound of Bucky walking to the living room.
***
Bucky was there in the morning and you talked — you. Only you could formulate words as difficult as it was while Bucky sat across from you. The guilt, shame, the exhaustion, all of it was painted on his normally sweet face.
You had told him you were fine, were feeling better. You were going to be okay. You understood the bed situation and wouldn’t pressure him into sleeping anywhere he was uncomfortable. You just desperately wanted him to be okay, to feel safe and happy in this space with you. Bucky just nodded along as you began attempting to write out a plan in case that had happened again. Nothing seemed to bring a true conclusion but there was at least the idea that there’d be no more touching of either person in their sleep, at least for the time being. It crushed you both, but neither of you commented.
He didn’t really offer much input besides agreeing with your points. Every other word out of his mouth was "sorry" so much so to the point you had to beg him to stop it.
He mostly just listened which you generally would enjoy from any man but in this case, you knew it gave his brain time to wander. Probably still planning how he would get himself out of his. But you didn’t want him gone. He was practically the perfect significant other in every sense. No one had ever treated you with such kindness and respect. Showered you with romance and kisses. Surprised you with date nights and flowers. You were just at a bump in the road and you didn’t want to get stuck behind it so easily.
Few days had passed and stuff seemed to be edging back towards normal. He had begun even holding your hand again, just a gentle touch to work his way up, reminding you greatly of when you first started dating, but you were welcoming it all with great patience.
You were standing at the kitchen counter cutting up vegetables for dinner when Bucky came home. He had a therapy appointment that day and usually emotions could be all over the place when he came home. Some days were good, some days everything would get under his skin.
Today, though, he seemed just… fine. He came in quietly and planted a quick kiss on your cheek before grabbing a beer from the fridge. He asked if you needed any help and when you shook your head, he went over to sit on the couch, watching whatever reality show you had mindlessly playing.
Moments passed and you had just begun sautéing the cut-up veggies when Bucky spoke, cutting through the silence quite surprisingly.
"I told her what happened," Bucky said softly. You froze, eyes trained on the skillet in front of you. His therapist. He had told her.
"Oh?" You asked, silently cringing at your stupid response. Neither of you had exactly brought up the incident since that morning after. And if anyone was going to resurface it, you had assumed it’d be you, so hear him so casual was making your heart pound.
"Mhm," he hummed. "I told her my first reaction was to leave."
"Bucky-,"
Footsteps started towards you, stopping at the little kitchen bar. You could feel him watching you as you tried focusing on the cooking produce. Your breath started to get caught in your throat, so much worry and concern washing over you.
"She wanted you to come in one session," Bucky tapped his fingers on the counter. "So we can talk."
You frowned and finally turned towards him. Worry was splashed everywhere on his face. Your heart practically sobbed. "Bucky, we did talk about it."
He shook his head profusely. "No, you talked," A beat. "I stood there like a statue, thinking of ways to leave you. Ways to get out of this so I’d never had to see that scared, upset look on your face ever again. So I’d never have to cause you any more pain than I already have. But I’ve come to realize I can’t do that because I love you too much and I- I can’t run away from you or anything. I’m going to try… No, I will make it right."
Your heart sank at his confessions. He loved you — a word he had never explicitly said before. A four-letter word he had never stood there and outwardly said. You let out a light sob and went around the kitchen counter, throwing your arms around his neck. He was shocked at first, maybe even a bit unsure, but you weren’t letting go, he realized, until he held you back.
"I love you, too," you eventually mumbled between the tears. You pulled away slightly, keeping your hands on his arms while his hands rested comfortably at your waist. Just feeling his touch had you melting all over again. "We’re going to be okay, Buck. It’s going to be fine."
He nodded, his eyes searching over your face as the scrape on your cheek was just still barely visible. It was going away fast but he didn’t think he could ever unsee it. "You’re right, doll, we’ll be okay. I’m working on it."
You gave a small smile. "You can’t be perfect, Bucky."
"Maybe not," Bucky shrugged as his hand found its way to your face, caressing your unharmed cheek. "But I at least gotta try to be perfect for you."
You sighed, leaning into the loving touch. Looking in his eyes you could kind of see that it truly was going to be okay. He looked so passionate and dedicated when he stared at you like you were it in the world. The only thing there. It made your soul sing and you hoped he saw it in you, too. "You are, honey. You already are."
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honeydew-mel0n · 3 years
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Plz oh great author. I would just like... some dadV content. Just like. V and a child reader. Plz.
This probably isnt what you expected but, here's V being an adopted dad for a 5 year old reader in the ruins of Redgrave. It's not good, but its work. Ig
V x Child! Reader
Dad!V in the rubble of Redgrave.
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You hide under the remnants of your bed. The ripped mattress and splintered frame providing little shelter from the horrors that lie beyond your eyelids. You weren't asleep, but still subscribed to the belief that the monsters couldn't get you if they thought you were asleep.
The sound of footsteps approaching lit a flame of hope in your heart, only for it to crash down the moment you heard the monsters come again.
It was so loud, crashing, screaming... were they fighting? If it was battle it ended quickly. And whatever entered your room won. You let out a soft whimper, curling into yourself. The foot steps approach the mess you called a bed. The sound of the mattress being pulled slightly made you burst into tears.
"Well, what do we have here?"
You open your tear filled eyes to see an adult, his black hair and dark clothes. "Mommy left me again- Are the monsters gone!?" His face was almost devoid of emotion. "Yes." "Are you sure?" At first. A smile smile splits his face as he offers you a tattoted hand. "Positive, little one."
_
We've seen before that he could care less about children at first glance, but the mentioning your mother leaving you caused him to instantly attach to you.
Alone, afraid, but this time, no way to protect yourself.
Deep down something inside of him told him that he needs to protect you. To take the job that your obviously useless mother could not handle.
You latch onto him quickly as well, your new protector. You think he's so cool, with his weird clothes, tattoos, and the funny things he says.
The second night he had you, you fell asleep pressed up against him as read a loud.
_
"When we see not thro the eye. Which was born in a night to perish in a night. When the soul slept in beams of light..."
He stops, green eyes boring down at your sleeping form. Your little hand wrapped over the edge of the corset under his coat. A small smile splits his face. Dispite all you had gone through, you still held peace. You would smile up at him after minutes of tucking your head into his side to hide your eyes from the gore that went on in front of you.
Your resilience is unyielding, and he cant help but admire that. It can make him forget that you are just a child. But now, layed out against his heart, he can see your vulnerability more then ever. You were so talkative, so kind, so soft, so... so... human. So very human. Just as he is now.
_
After some time with him, you'll be able to recite whole poems. And god he's never been more proud.
Technically, he's homeless, so finding somewhere safe for you to sleep is his first priority.
You never sleep alone. Never. Either he or one of his familiars is with you.
Scratch that, you are never alone.
He wasnt surprised by Shadow's fondness of you, but was by Griffon's.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah pip squeak, just don't pull on my feathers anymore."
V is easily annoyed, especially by people who talk too much. Unless it's you.
He can sit and listen to you chatter on in excessive detail about the random things you know.
Maybe that's why you and Griffon can get along. It's a constant back and forth of random facts and jokes that go right over your head.
You just like that he talks to you, he likes that he can make any joke and you won't get upset or offended.
V however, hates that he does this.
Seeing as how V tries his best to shield you from the world. You've already suffered so much.
He takes on the task of "dad" rather quickly.
_
You close your eyes tight as he pours the water from his cupped hands over your hair. V hums softly as he scrubs the filth from your skin. It was rather uncomfortable, taking a bath in a fountain, but it wasn't as uncomfortable as caked on dirt and splatters of demon blood. "We're almost done, I promise."
As soon as he found you to be clean enough he takes off his long leather jacket, dispite it just getting dry, he pulls you out and wraps it around you. He lays out your now dry and somewhat clean clothes and let's you try to dress yourself. Shadow letting you lean on her as you tug your clothes back on.
The warmth from fire used to cook the demon meat is enough to make you feel sleepy, if the exhausting day wasnt enough. You leaned against V's side, curling into him. His arm coming around you, assuring you that you're safe.
_
He accepts that he's pretty much your father very quickly.
But it hurts him. He knows what he has to do, and when that happens, what will happen to you? Who could he possibly trust to care for you?
He takes you everywhere, and doesn't let anything touch you.
It's truly Infuriating to him that he doesn't have the strength to carry you. Of course you ride on shadow, but when they handle demons you are left to mercy of the world.
The two of you being attached at the hip leads to a lot of confusion.
Mostly from Nero
"Why the hell do you have a kid???"
When he finally gets to settle down in Nico's van, you get to lay down for a nap.
And he leaves again, he leaves you to sleep. It was safe and he knew you would be fine there, and you definitely needed to sleep.
Nico, surprisingly, didnt mind you.
The entire time he was so nervous. It's been weeks, and this is the first time you haven't been with him.
When V eventually returns, he finds you chatting Nero's ear off. He didn't seem to mind though, he sat quietly with a smile as you talked.
It hit him then.
You could be safe without him.
_
He watched you fiddle with the metal fingers on Nero's devil breaker as you spoke. The young man making the fingers move, to your delight. Your eyes glowed and you looked up at Nero, he nods to what you're saying with a wide smile.
All of the worries in V's head melt away, but are soon replaced with a feeling of melancholy. You would be fine, you would be safe. Without him. He steps in, your head snaps to him, joy spreading on your features as soon at you realize. You run up to him, hugging his leg tightly.
It wasnt long until he has to leave again, and he knew it was the last time he would see you. And somehow, you knew something was wrong. Your small hands rest on his cheeks, sadness written on your entire being. He pulls you close, whispering to you softly. "I will see you again my little one. I will see you again."
Tiny arms hold tight around his neck, warm, wet tears slip down and fall onto his skin. "Are you sure?" "Positive, little one." You hold on tight to him, even after he lets go. Theres a soft whisper, bairly audible. "I love you, daddy." Then, you let go.
Getting to wave him off while holding onto Nico's leg.
_
He knew he wouldnt see you again, either he dies, or becomes one again. The likelihood of seeing you again with both of those options is little to none.
But he feels peace, you'd be safe. You are safe.
He gets weaker and weaker.
He's been close to it before, but this must be what dieing feels like.
Before reuniting with his other half, he still tries to make sure that you will be okay.
His crumbling body is leaning on Nero, hobbling to the end of his life.
"The child... If you survive, take care of them."
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kirishoshego · 3 years
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Listen before I go//Bakugou
Summary: Things won’t always go your way, but what if the person you love the most has to watch you take your final breaths? Note: I fucking cried at the end myself, be prepared for lots of sad emotions! I’m sorry in advance!
TW: This is a fic filled with ANGST, DC; the reader is going to die and also mention of depression and all that, so please read at your own risk
inspiration: Billie Eilish: Listen before I go
You didn’t really know when it started. Was it the bullying? The fact neither one of your parents cared about the fact you’re drowning? You don’t remember, really. But depression has been your “friend” for a long time. 
But you do remember when it stopped. You moved, away from the memories, away from the people and started over again. Created a new you, a you you could get along with, a you someone fell in love with. Bakugou and you met at your job at the café, you made his hot cocoa after a rather cold day. Because of said weather you didn’t really had any costumers and he enjoyed the warmth of the shop (and your company, which he would tell you later when you’re wrapped up in his arms). He introduced you to his friends and they became your friends within a few days. They where shocked to see Bakugou with a SPARKLE in his eyes whenever you were there or mentioned. Kirishima knew he was hooked, enjoying his best friend turning (slightly, we’re still talking about Bakugou) softer. You were one of the few people who knew how to handle him, biting back and letting him be when he needed to let it all go. You were the one person for him where he could let go, who showed him what love is like, slowly letting go of his abusive past. You were his home and he was yours. 
You got out of your shelf more, finally having enough strength to fulfill your wish to study. And you loved it, the first two years went so well.Your grades where amazing and because you moved in with him, you could drop out of your work and concentrate on school. Bakugou and you were so in love, planing your wedding, maybe starting a family once you’re done with your University. Being hero #1 suddenly didn’t seem so important for him.  That changed almost a year ago. Midoriya was almost on top. Hawks was now #1, Midoriya close #2. How could he let that happen? Stupid Deku is now two places in front of him, he had to train more again, train harder. Spend less time with you and save more life, he was a hero after all. When he wasn’t at work, he worked out, he came home late most of the time and because University took a turn you could’t stay up so long anymore. Couldn't keep waiting for a two minutes conversation about how amazing his work as a hero is. How amazing he is and how he will beat Izuku in no time. You tried to stay above it, really you did. You stopped talking to your friends so you can focus more on school, they came around a few times but you told them things where fine and you just need some time to focus, you will let them know when you have time and when you need help. But at night your old enemy would creep up again. You tried shutting them out at first. You got this, you just need a bit more time. But then your grades came back. C-, D. Trying to hide it from Bakugou didn’t work, he had caught you crying in the shower one night when he came home early after Mina called him with worry laced in her voice.  “She looked so pale Bakugou, so tired and thin. We’re worried about her but we can’t reach her, she’s shutting us out,”  He left the gym immediately and bought your favorite take out and planned a movie night just for the two of you. He even got you your favorite flowers. And for a few weeks he was there again, he cared again and he saw you did better, you even went out with Mina and Kirishima once who invited you for a karaoke night, Bakugou joined you later and you enjoyed ever second of it. But it didn’t last long, Bakugou had to put his head back to Hero work. “When I’m on top, I will have all the time for you, I will take you on vacation and we can finally pay for our wedding,” he would tell you. But you didn’t want to go on luxurious vacations or expensive dates or dresses. You wanted Bakugou again. Your pleas fell to deaf ears, sometimes he would loose his temper, yell at you and get angry for not supporting his life long dream.  “Of course you’re all that matter to me!” he would yell when you would tell him you missed him and feel less important to him. His actions showed you different. Don't say I'm all that matters Leave me Deja vu So you stopped asking for his time, stopped waisting it or the time of your friends. You can be alone, you know the feeling. And you stopped shutting those voices out, craving the familiar feeling of having company. You knew it was wrong at you tried putting up a fight, but you were so, so tired. So alone.  “Maybe its because you gained weight? Stress eating doesn’t look too well on you you know?” the voice was worried, pointing at your belly.  “That’s why he doesn’t touch you anymore, or maybe he has someone better, it’s not hard,” you dismissed the voice, telling it, it was just the stress. “If he would care about you, he would work less. Look at you, such a mess! If I was him I would try to do as much outside as I can,” you looked into the mirror and the voices where right, you did look so done. No colour in your face like there used to be, your skin dull, just like your eyes. And your hair was a mess as well. You haven’t showered for a while, you just couldn’t. You stopped working on your school tasks.  “You’re going to fail anyways, why even try? You are stupid, pitiful and useless,” everything Bakugou isn't, something Bakugou didn’t deserved as a partner. He deserved better. You knew those voices, knew they were right, right? They knew you better than anyone, they knew you better than you knew yourself.  But now, after a year, a new voices creeped up from somewhere dark.  “He wouldn’t care if you would be gone, you know? It would make it so much easier for him to become Hero #1. You are holding him back, your friends too. You’re such a burden to them, always checking up on you. They could use their time so much better, than this. At first you ignored this voice. You didn’t want to go, didn’t want to leave him. You wanted to be by his side, wanted to be his wife. But the more he was away, the easier the voices could haunt you.  Until it was too much. They won. You had two more weeks left. Two more weeks to say good bye, two more weeks until you will feel at peace again, until the voices will be quiet. Two more weeks until Bakugou had nothing holding him back.  You could take a shower again, could go get your hair done, eat again. Mina was so excited for the two of you to meet up again, she didn’t had much time and apologized for it, telling you about her plans to move into a bigger apartment with Momo and Kyouka, how stressful it is next to hero work.  “Don’t worry about it Mina! I know how busy your life can be, you’re always such an amazing friend to me, I love spending time with you and being able to laugh until I cry,” you had told her. She wasn’t supposed to blame herself, it wasn’t her fault.  “Before you go, I really wanted to gift you something! It’s really small but when I saw it I just knew I had to get it for you,” you explained to her, wrapping a bracelet around her wrist. She thanked you, tell you she loved you and how pretty it was. Kirishima came to your place by surprise. At first he told you that he didn’t had time, trying to keep up with Bakugou, but when he looked at your tired face something told him that that wasn’t as important right now. He brought you a hot drink and took you out for a walk. For once your eyes sparkled again, the snow covered nature filling your heart with joy. The world was so peaceful for a while. Kirishima told you about his girlfriend’s pregnancy, showed you the first pictures. He told he was secretly hoping for a girl. You spend a few hours with him, until you couldn’t feel your hands anymore and he had to go to the doctors with his girlfriend to check up on the baby again. You called his name after he went to leave your doorstep. When he turned around, you hugged him tightly.  “Thank you for today Kiri, this means more to me than you’ll know,” you whispered.  “Anytime Y/N,” Kiri’s voices was so warm and you knew he meant it. Bakugou wouldn’t be home the next three hours. You had enough time for your letter to Bakugou. You tried putting it off, trying to escape reality as long as possible. But now you could’t anymore. Two weeks were over. Your hand was shaking, tears threatening to fall out of your eyes, but you had to do this, had to give him closure. You didn’t want anyone to blame themselves. It wasn’t their fault. You weren’t sorry, this is what you wanted, you were too deep down, too far, too weak. And for once you wanted something to success, wanted to feel at complete control over your life. 
My love,  when you’re reading this I will no longer be with you, no longer around to hold you back. I went to my favorite spot, to enjoy the view one last time. I wish I could enjoy it with you, but that’s a selfish thought.  I love you, I always have from day one and always will.  Remember the first day you came into my shop? I remember feeling the butterflies erupt in my belly when I saw you for the first time three years ago. Your rambling about how stupid extras can be and the way you almost spilled your drink all over yourself while using your arms to put more emphasis in your sentences. I knew I was falling for you right then and there. I still remember the day you asked me to be your wife. You were pissed at how nothing was working out the way you wanted it, that they messed up your order at the flower shop or that you burned the food because we were so occupied with each other, so lost in our love. (I still remember the bruises I had even three days later, god, you always knew what you did). And the fact you had to drive me to the hospital because I cut myself open with the knife. And there you were in the room with me, my clothes sprinkled with blood and feeling dizzy from losing so much, on your knees. You yelled at me for being so clumsy, but I saw the tears in your eyes you held back so much. And then you pulled out the ring with a shaking hand. “Damnit shitty woman! I planned this whole day and you had to get yourself injured. Why are you always so clumsy?! I have to wrap you up in foil, I can’t let anything happen to you,” curses spilled out of your mouth and I just had to laugh until my stomach hurts. I love you so much. And then you asked me and I felt everything turn brighter, warmer, more colourful. You always made me feel so happy. The way you would fall asleep when I read you a story, how your arms always found your way around my waist even when you slept or the gentle kiss on my forehead whenever you had to leave for work.  Remember the time everyone was here? It was Christmas and you cooked such a tasty meal, you really were a master chef. Kirishima dropped the potatoes and you were so angry at him, running after him and setting small explosions off, making him stumble and fall head first into our pond. He was freezing and even though you told him off and said it was karma you still made sure he took a hot shower and his towel was heated. Or how you had to carry Mira back to our apartment because she was so drunk, complaining about how careless she is and you’re not her personal taxi. You still made sure she had a glass of water and pill next to her for when she woke up, telling Denki to shut up because she will have a head ache. Or remember the last time you bought me flowers? You bought the biggest bunch of flowers I ever saw, it was probably three times my head. They smelled so lovely. But not as lovely as you. I always enjoyed the lazy days with you the most. How warm you were, how you always smell like caramel, not the deodorant you always put on before leaving me. How you would play with my hair for hours, whisper sweet nothings in my ear. You gave me a home, a family, all I could have asked for. Thank you for that Bakugou Katsuki.  I want you to know that I made this decision a while ago. This was not just a rushed thought in the moment. I want this. I can’t keep trying anymore. There is nothing for me left. I fought against it for so long, telling myself things will be okay again, telling myself we will be okay again. But to be honest I stopped believing this a long time ago. I'm not okay, I feel so scattered I’m so proud of you, of what you have accomplished and without me holding you back you will finally be Hero #1. I just know it! I believe in you, you really put in everything in it. I will be watching you from up above if something like heaven exists. Please let me go and don’t beat yourself up, okay? I want this and there is nothing you could have done to make me feel better. There is no way out.  Call my friends and tell them that I love them and I'll miss them. Always in love, your Y/N
You couldn’t stop the tears from falling now, this really is it. And you felt at peace, you felt calm, you felt happy.  The pills stood next to you already and you knew once you swallowed them you will have fifteen minutes until you’ll fall asleep and your heart will stop. It will all stop. You wore your favorite dress, the one you always wanted an occasion for but just never found it. Know you knew, it fitted perfectly. You took a deep breath and poured the pills into your hand. Next to you stood your favorite drink that you wanted to enjoy one last time. You kissed Bakugou’s letter and started taking the pills. He wouldn’t be home for another hour so you had enough time. Suddenly your phone binged. Kirishima.  “Hey! Amazing news, we will have twins! So far it seems like a girl and a boy, isn’t that cool? I’m so excited, hope to see you again soon, love you lots x Kiri!” You smiled. His wish came true, you were so happy for him. You called him but he didn’t pick up, probably spending his time with his girlfriend now. Should you leave him a voice mail? Before you could overthink it your mouth started moving.  “Hey Kiri! It’s me Y/N. Obviously... Uhm, I just wanted to let you know I’m so happy for the both of you! Or well, four of you now! You will be an amazing father, I know it. And have amazing and beautiful little babies run around. You’re almost 7 foot tall, Pro Hero #5, nobody will mess with these babies. You are so gentle and loving, warm and caring. You’ll be the best dad anyone could ever ask for. I’m so proud of you. Greet everyone, I love you too!” it cut off right there and you were glad because you couldn’t keep your voice strong anymore.  Twelve more minutes. You signed and looked at your apartment one last time. You cleaned it before, you didn’t want Bakugou to deal with this mess. You opened your apartment door to make your way all the way up to the garden. Nobody goes up there in the winter, it was too cold for them and parents feared their children will drop from the roof. The pills started to show their effect, you felt tired slowly, your body getting weaker the more you try to walk up stairs. just a few more steps you could it.  “Woah Kiri, that's awesome! Two babies, I hope they aren’t as annoying as you are... I’m just kidding! Just kidding! I can’t wait for ours to run around too, time flies by, huh?” No it can't be! Why is he here already? This can’t be happening, no, no, no. Your legs grew weak and you felt yourself slowly falling to the floor. No, you don’t want to leave here, you want to the roof top, this can’t be happening.  “Hey Kiri, I will call you back okay? Something isn’t right,” you could hear the worry in his voice, could picture the way his eyebrows furrowed together. You left the door open. Ten more minutes. 
Heavy footsteps run up the stairs until his eyes landed an the fabric of your dress. He appeared right in front of you, tears streaming down his face when his eyes landed on your fragile body.  “Please... Please don’t leave me Y/N,” his voice was weak, broken.  “You weren’t supposed to find me, you weren’t supposed to be home for almost another hour,” you very shocked at how thin your own voice was, so timid.  “I came home a bit earlier cause I wanted to make dinner for us, spend the evening together, the sun will set-”  “In 3 minutes I know, I wanted to see it one last time,” you explained to him, your eyes looking up at the dark ceiling.  “It’s not too late, I can save you, I’m a hero, I can- I have to, I just, no, no, no. How could I let this happen? I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Please let me save you,” he was begging now, praying to whoever will listen. He picked you up bridle style.  “That’s not how I imagined my first time bridal style,” you joked weakly. But he didn’t listen. He wanted to save you. But before he could move you put your cold hand onto his cheek. It was wet and warm.  “Don’t, there is no use,” he knew. He knew as soon as his hands landed on the empty pill bottle. But he was hoping it wasn’t to late, that you haven’t taken them. He didn’t want his worst fear to come true, but here you were, in his arms. The arms he saved so many lives with, just not the one that matters the most to him.  “This can’t be it,” he hugged you tightly, letting his emotions out.  “Take me to the rooftop, I wanna see the world when I stop breathing, turning blue,” you whispered into his ear.  He couldn’t bring himself to not do it. He knew he couldn’t stop from what was about to happen, but he didn’t want your last moments to be on this godforsaken staircase. 
So he took you there, each step he took heavy, dreadful, broken. As the door opens you could finally breath again. Finally you felt peaceful and completely happy. He sat down on the bench, dismissing the snow drenching his jeans within seconds.  The sun started setting and you had the most beautiful view in front of you. “I love you,” you whispered while you both looked into each others eyes for one last time. “I love you too, so much. And I know sorry won’t save you know but I should have listened more, should have been more observant, I’m sorry I wasn’t the man you deserved by your side. You matter more than anything in the world to me. I love you misses Y/N Bakugou,” he kissed your cheek and could taste the salty tears on your cheeks.  “It’s not your fault love, it was inevitable. I was sick long before I met you. You gave me the best three years of my life. I don’t blame you and please don’t do it either. It’s just my time to go now, there is no place here for me anymore, nothing holding me here. I’m finally happy again now. I want you to fulfill your dreams and become hero #1, I love you Mister Katsuki Bakugou,” you voice wasn’t more than a whisper, he could barely hear you, but he tried so hard.  You looked at the sunset one more time, taking it all in one more time. The fresh air mixed with a hint of caramel. The quiet whimpers of the love of your life. You looked at him with a smile on your face. Taking in your last breath you kissed him, with all the love you ever felt for him, with all the love you wish you could have still gifted him.  And then you went limp. He didn’t want the kiss the stop, wanted to repeat the last minute over and over again. Bakugou hugged you so tightly he was afraid to break your bones, but he couldn’t stop it. He cried into the crotch of your neck, the sun long gone before he could muster to look into you face again.  “You were my dream,” he whispered, stroking your face gently before screaming into the night. ©Kirishoshego NOTE: Please know that suicide is NOT the only option. Someone close to me took his life a long time ago and let me tell you, people care, people love you for who you are and you’re amazing. You matter and you can do so much more than you think. If you ever feel like giving up please talk to someone, you can always come to me, I will see your messages and I will care and listen!
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mikkomacko · 3 years
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Domestic Wolf 2: The Return of Bucky Barnes
Hello everyone! I’m back with more Domestic Wolf, this time in a bit of a flashback. If you haven’t read the first part here it is!
Part 3
Thanks for reading!
Warnings: Angst, Smut, Mentions of death, Sad Bucky :(
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2023
The address in Queens sits useless in his text messages, ready for him to click on for directions but he doesn't need it. Truth is, he doesn't even need to read it anymore considering it's been burned into his mind since she first sent it to him. Almost a week ago the text had come through with the address, followed by a sweet message of "come home soon or I'll kick your ass".
It wasn't the first time she told him that and he's certain it won't be last.
By the time he's at the iron gate of the building, hands tucked into the pockets of his leather jacket, Bucky's feeling like the man that would show up on her doorstep in Romania all those years ago, guided by loneliness and guilt. Back then he had nothing but her. Now he has nothing but her. It's like stepping back in time, back to the apartment he'd hide out in for as long as he could, grounding himself to a new world with the help of a woman that always cared for him. She picked him back up after Hydra, dusted him off and kissed the wounds better. And he knows she'll do it again now, more dusting and kisses for the fact that he just lost another 5 years of his life and his best friend.
Bucky doesn't know this world, doesn't trust it. Even when he was on the run he didn't trust the world. It's why he always kept them hidden, only took her out into the city late at night when he knew he'd could keep her safe, keep her as his little secret. It's also why he refused to let her travel up-state for him, refused to let her meet him outside on the sidewalk. He doesn't know who or what could be out here, and until he does, she's remaining hidden.
A quick glance up and down the street, Bucky let's out a nervous puff of air and opens the faux lock on the gate. She had told him on the phone that it wasn't real, at one time it had been but it broke awhile ago and was never replaced. He hated it then and he hates it now, so he makes a mental note to get her landlord to replace it.
Through the entryway, up the flights of stairs, and to the fifth floor. Maybe he should be looking around, taking more note of the details of this building but he can't bring himself to do it right now because his girl is waiting for him. She's been waiting for him since he left to Wakanda 7 years ago and he's tired of it. He wants- no needs - to see her right now.
5B. A dark blue door with a little rug in front that reads "Hello, is it me you're looking for" with a depiction of who Bucky believes to be Lionel Richie but he's not sure. Y/n liked a lot of different musicians. It's hard to keep track of who sings what.
Bucky's boots have barely touched the mat before the door is ripping open. His eyes meet hers, tears already welling on her waterline and Bucky's sting with tears of his own. Body moving instinctively, he steps into the apartment, kicking the door shut with his foot and reaching for her waist.
"Doll..."
"Bucky..."
She flings herself at him with enough force to knock him over if it weren't for the serum running through him, legs around his hips and arms around his neck. He tucks his face into her neck, fingers trembling as they grip her back, her shoulders, her hips, anywhere he can get his hands on. It's surreal, holding her again. He hasn't felt her skin, heard her voice, kissed her lips since he went under after Zemo scrambled his brain again.
"I missed you, so much Bucky." She whispers, voice cracking under the stress of the sentiment, and he's reminded that while it's been a long time for him, it's been even longer for her. He died. He was gone, wiped from the Earth and she had no idea if he was coming back or not. Had the roles been reversed, had he been the one left standing here while she was reduced to dust, he can't imagine staying as sane as she has. He has a feeling an unwelcomed friend would've returned and he probably would have done things to pile onto his ever present guilt. Another reason why he doesn't deserve her.
"It's ok sweetheart," he promises, voice thick. "I'm back and I'm not going anywhere, ok?" She pulls back from him, just enough to cup his face in her right hand. Her thumb brushes over his cheek bone, wiping away tears he didn't know he shed, and he takes a moment to admire her.
Her hair is longer, face thinner, and dark circles sit under her swollen eyes. She looks exhausted, like she's been holding the weight of the world on her shoulders for far too long but her eyes hold all the joy in the world. She's happy and beautiful and even better than he remembered.
"I can lock you up in here," she offers, bottom lip trembling but still smiling. "they'd never find you again."
He can't stop himself. He kisses her for the first time in years, soaks up her startled gasp and replaces it with a hum of contentment. Her fingers tangle in his hair, nudging his lips even closer to hers, and he grips the back of her neck to remind her that he's here, he'll always be here.
"Just you and me, huh?" He murmurs, mouths still hovering close. She smiles shakily, tilting her head to kiss the corner of his mouth and giggling when his beard tickles her lips.
Just Bucky and his girl.
~
His jacket finds its way to the floor of the entryway, a pool of leather on the light wood panels. His boots are kicked off, toppled haphazardly next to her shoes by the door. Two leather gloves are thrown onto the table leading to the living room. Her shirt sits with his, layered on top of each other in the living room. She's somehow managed to wiggle a hand between the two of them, enough to unbutton and lower the zipper of his black jeans. In a room he doesn't care to admire yet, sat on the edge of the large matress with her on his thighs, Bucky's breaths tremble as y/n ghosts her fingers over his left shoulder. The last time she saw him like this, his arm was still made of the same silver metal that had ruined so many lives, hurt so many people. And yeah he'd gotten this one in order to fight another war, one he lost before actually winning, but at least this time he was fighting for the side he actually believes in.
He reminds himself of that when she kisses over his heart. "They're gone," she murmurs, pointer finger trailing over what used to be scar tissue, mangled flesh, and nail marks.
"They're there if you look hard enough."
She looks up at him through her eyelashes, understanding the double meaning. Shuri couldn't erase them entirely, not on his skin and not in his soul.
"The good thing about scars," she says, "is that they don't hurt you anymore. And eventually you accept the weight of them."
He kisses her again, unable to voice his appreciation and love for her. His fingers slip under the band of her jeans, digging into the soft flesh and her own dominant hand finds it's way into his pants, groping at the chub on the inside of his thighs and ghosting over the bulge in his boxers. Bucky manages to pull her bottoms down, nudging her up to her feet so she can kick them off.
Giggling, she presses a sloppy kiss to his chin before dropping to her knees between his thighs. A kiss to the scar just above his belly button pulls a laugh from him, Bucky burying his fingers in her hair to keep it from falling in her face. Her fingers grip the sides of his jeans and boxers, and he lifts his hips so she can pull them both down in one go.
Maybe they should be talking, reacquainting with one another. After all, he knows nothing about how she got here. Where's she working? Why'd she pick Queens to live? Why did she leave Romania? What's she been doing the past five years? But maybe they need to find each other physically first. Because it's been so long since they've touched each other, loved each other. And this is how it started all those years ago. The first real thing Bucky was able to give to her after Hydra was his body. That was all he had, and luckily for him she accepted it and cherished it. For the first time since the 40s his body had been used for good.
Maybe that's what they both need again.
Bucky finds himself sprawled out on the bed, head on her pillows and hands on her waist as she climbs on top of him. Their mouths meet again, a soft groan leaving his lips as she threads her fingers through his hair. Out of habit he reaches for her bedside table, sitting up just slightly to open the drawer. Y/n moves her kisses to his jaw, breath hot on his skin. By the time he's registered that's he's reaching for condoms that probably aren't there, his fingers catch on a familiar box.
"How long have these been here doll?" He asks, praying to the Gods that they're not expired. Or even worse, that they'd been there for someone else to use. The thought makes him ache so painfully he'd rather have his brain fried again than imagine someone else loving on his girl.
She pulls back, meeting his eyes with a cheeky smile. "A week."
A week. About the time she got that first phone call from him, the call that confirmed Steve's and the Avengers success in bringing everyone back. She went out and bought him condoms as soon as she found out that he was alive. Needy girl.
"Went shopping for me sweetheart?" He teases, pecking her lips and tearing open the box. He digs out a foil, tossing the box off to the side, hearing it clatter to the floor.
Laughing, she kisses him again. "What can I say, I missed you Sarge." Bucky's dick throbs, groaning dramatically at the name. She occasionally called him Sarge back in Romania, after he'd come to terms with the memories that plagued and confused him. Sarge made him comfortable. He knew he used to be a Sergeant, could feel it deep in his bones that that was a title he held with pride. Hearing her say it to him, in a way that had his spine tingling. Like she was proud of him too. Bucky will never be able to explain how good that makes him feel.
She takes the packet from his fingers, kissing the tip of his nose with a coy smile as she opens it. He barely gets the chance to grip the back of her neck and bring her lips back to his before she's gripping him in her hand, stroking him a couple times and giggling through his choked gasp. The condom is rolled down his length, her fingers familiar and comforting on his skin, welcomed.
"Come on doll," he whispers, lashes fluttering as she drags the head of him through her soaked folds. Then she's sinking down on him, slowly easing his cock deeper and deeper. Bucky's toes curls, stomach swirling, and skin burning in pleasure.
"Oh God," y/n breaths, nails digging into Bucky's chest as her nose scrunches and her eyes fall shut. He takes a hold of her waist, sitting up against the headboard so he can pull her chest closer to his. She moves with him easily, melting in his hold when he presses his lips to her shoulder. His right hand drops to cup her ass, pulling her hips up and then guiding them back down until she's carefully riding him.
"Let me hear you baby," he requests, brushing his lips under her ear. "haven't heard your voice in so long."
Y/n's fingers tug at his hair, drawing his mouth back to hers for a brief kiss. "Haven't felt you in so long, Buck," she whispers back, teasingly. His cock pulses as she rolls her hips on him.
"Been waiting for me?" He asks, dragging his lips down her collar bone. She nods, a breathy "Yes" escaping her above him. "Poor doll, waiting for me all these years."
"Worth it," she says with conviction. "you're always worth it."
A kiss over her heart, Bucky digging his nose into her soft skin to feel her heartbeat. He pulls her down on his cock, grinning when the beat stutters in time with her gasp. He loves it, loves hearing her, feeling her. Unable to help himself any longer, Bucky digs his heels into the sheets and starts fucking up into her, hips meeting hips.
The noises she makes, the moans of his name make his belly tighten and his cock twitch, enough to have him nearing his end far sooner than he hoped. It's been so long since he's had her and he can't even get his fucking dick to cooperate. A tug on his hair and a quick bounce of her hips has him biting back a moan, almost frantic as he moves his left hand between them, thumb finding her clit. The sob that leaves her has his head spinning, Bucky occupying his mouth with her pebbled nipple to keep from moaning. He still hasn't gotten used to the fact that he can openly make noise now, something he used to work on around her, but he prefers using it as an excuse to keep his mouth occupied elsewhere.
"Fuck, so close Bucky," she pants, thighs trembling around his and he takes it upon himself to hold her full weight with his free arm, lifting her up and pulling her back down on his cock. He feels like a whole different man when his orgasm hits, burying his face in her chest with a loud groan.
"Oh doll, so good y/n, so fucking good."
She follows shortly after him, nails digging into his bicep and scalp, body trembling and clenching. He coaxes her through it with wet kisses and gentle circles of his thumb on her sensitive bud. His bones and muscles feel like jelly when he relaxes back into the pillows, carding his fingers through her messy hair while the other strokes over her hip.
"If I knew this would be my homecoming," he murmurs, "I would've been back days ago."
She giggles, cheeks rosy and eyes bright. "Isn't this the proper way to welcome a soldier home?"
He smiles and shrugs, bittersweet. "Wouldn't know doll, this is my first time making it home."
~
"You wanna tell me what happened?"
Her thumb strokes over his bottom lip, dropping down to the dimple in his chin, and Bucky sighs contently. Truth is, he doesn't want to tell her what's happened. He doesn't want to talk about Wakanda, or Thanos, or being dead, or Steve leaving. He just wants to be here with her, pretending that he's normal for once in his God damn life.
"How about you tell me first doll?" He whispers, his eyes soaking up the sight of her. "Last time I saw you, you were saving lives in Bucharest."
"Actually, I was sitting in Wakanda with the love of my life," she corrects, smiling. His heart flutters happily, ears heating up with a blush. Pretending to blow her comment off, he rolls his eyes and chuckles.
"Alright, what happened after that?"
Inhaling deeply, she settles further back against the headboard. Bucky tilts his head up, just enough to kiss her stomach through the fabric of his t-shirt before laying his head back in her lap. Her fingers card through his hair as she speaks.
"I stayed in Romania after you went under, kept working at the camp and stuff. Steve would call sometimes, make sure I was ok," she lets out a little laugh, oblivious to Bucky's sudden nausea at the sound of his best friend's name. "We actually broke into your old apartment. It was still technically a crime scene but I knew there was stuff in there that you'd want."
"Doll," he interrupts with a sigh, "you didn't have to do that. It-all that stuff was just stuff."
Her fingers pull on his hair, enough to make him wince. "Not to me," she insists, "That "stuff" was you a-and us. It was our life before we were even allowed to have a life and I couldn't just let them box it up as evidence."
Guilty, Bucky swallows the lump in his throat and nods. Of course those things, the letters and drawings and stories all meant something to him, but not enough for her and Steve to risk punishment for. Never enough for that. He wishes she'd see that.
"After Thanos," she continues, voice falling weak. "I stayed in Romania for as long as I could, trying to help everyone. It-it was pure chaos, all these people trying to figure out what was going on. And the whole time I kept thinking of you. As soon as footage of the attack in New York got out, I knew he'd be going for you. I-I thought that you'd be fine. You're so fucking stubborn I knew there's no way you wouldn't survive.
"Even when people started to disappear, I didn't-I couldn't even convince myself that you would be one of them. It was a few days later when Steve called. I knew before I even answered the phone."
At the first sniffle, Bucky sits up, pushing himself to sit next to her. Before he can even reach for her, she's climbing into his lap, laying her head on his right shoulder and setting her hand over his heart. He holds her tight, trying his best to soak up her tears.
"It was so unfair Bucky," she whimpers, "because I was just about to get you back a-and you were supposed to finally be happy and he took you from me. After everything you've been through, you lost even more of your life and I couldn't do a damn thing about it."
Fighting back his own tears, he shushes her. "I'm here now, and I'm happy," he promises. "I'm always happy when I'm with you. What happened isn't your fault y/n. I'd never blame you for that."
If possible, she snuggles even closer to him. "I thought I could ignore it. I could stay there and pretend you were still just in Wakanda, getting better so that you could come home."
Bucky's heart aches at that. Picturing his girl, his kind and strong girl, saving and repairing lives in a war torn society, pretending that the man who loves her will be coming home soon when it reality he didn't exist anymore...it all hurts him too much. It's all too much, especially knowing that she loves him enough to live in denial just to imagine he's with her.
"But everyone kept asking who I lost, where were we when it happened and I kept insisting that it didn't matter because you were coming back and we were going to live happily ever after. I realized that we don't have a home, you and I, and I remembered you talking about moving to Brooklyn one day. That you wanted to go back to your home city.
"I couldn't bring myself to move there without you. It didn't feel right. So I picked Queens. It's close and the hospital nearby had an opening in the ER, so I figured why not? That way when Steve got off his ass and decided this time he was going to save his best friend, you'd have somewhere to come home to."
Steve, his best friend. The man that couldn't find enough of a reason to stay. Bucky wasn't enough to make him stay, because he has his soulmate here with him, and Steve's was long gone. He chose love over friendship and Bucky wishes he could hate him for that, but he can't, because he chose y/n too. If it weren't for her, he'd have been begging to go back to the 40s too.
Gently, he grips her chin between his thumb and forefinger, guiding her to look up at him. Through wet eyelashes and puffy eyes, she looks at him with so much love he can feel it burning in his chest. A kiss to each of her tear stained cheeks.
"Thank you doll," he whispers, "for never giving up on me. For doing all this for me-for us." He swipes his knuckle over her chin, smiling softly when she giggles. He missed that. "I love you."
He kisses her, cupping her jaw and pulling her into him until it feels like they're one being. Her fingers trace over the edge of his left arm, chills running up his spine. He missed that too.
"You're getting soft on me James," she teases breathlessly, smiling against his lips. He hums in agreement. He did get soft for her, but he doesn't fucking care. No one will ever make him feel bad for loving her. "I love you too Buck. Always will."
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borea-liss · 3 years
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Twenty (Todoroki Shoto x Reader)
Warnings: other than a slightly suggestive sentence, none :)
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Todoroki often thought about you.
The affection that blossomed in his chest whenever he looked at you.
How fond he was of your smile and the little freckles splashed around your rosy cheeks.
The tenderness oozing from your body whenever you kissed his burn scar or played with his hair.
The warmth of your fingers caressing his cheeks.
Quiet moments of intimacy between you two, hushed whispers and soft kisses in the shadows of the school's hallways at sunset.
The sadness, loneliness, and emptiness that suffocated him whenever you were away because he had grown so attached to you it physically harmed him to be separated for too long.
The endearment in both of your voices whenever you addressed each other. Dear, my love, darling, moon and stars - you'd call one another anything and everything and it would still come out as honey dripping from your tongues.
How devoted Shoto was when it came to bringing you joy and the best in life. He had the means and raw willpower to make you the happiest person in the world and only death could stop him from achieving it.
On that note, he was outrageously doting with gifts for no occasion at all. Heaps of white roses delivered to your doorstep? Check. Matching clothes, shoes, and accessories? Check, check, check, as if nobody could tell you were together anyway.
How Todoroki idolized your abilities. You were breathtaking, incredibly talented, hardworking, dedicated, so kind and caring, it only made sense you were strong as well, did it not? Knowing you were his swelled his chest with pride, overflowing at the seams.
He worshipped your body. Your hair was soft and smelled like home. You were constantly complaining about your flaws, but he couldn't see them no matter how hard you tried to prove him wrong. Your arms molded around him perfectly and your smile sent fireworks exploding in his chest. Where were the flaws in being perfectly imperfect?
Todoroki never missed the chance to adulate you on your achievements, constantly pouring compliments about your looks, personality, and how could he not when you were a literal god/goddess?
He was besotted with love and he couldn't care less. The biting comments Bakugou would throw at him fell on deaf ears as Shoto focused on you and your infatuation for the day.
Your compassion was the first thing he noticed way before you two had started dating. You'd wordlessly patch up your classmates whenever training was too rough, bring snacks and drinks, make sure everyone was relaxed before you tended to your wounds. One day, he couldn't take it anymore - the way you put other people's well-being before your own, and he forced you to sit down, so he could clean the nasty gash on your arm before you could put up a fight. That same day the rest of the class eyed each other - there was a new favourite ship in the sea of class A.
Your relationship blossomed beautifully at its own natural pace. When he was done telling you his life story and you simply held his face in your palms, told him nothing could define what he was except his self and what he wanted to be, in the split second he met your teary gaze - he knew you were the one.
Getting together never ruined the friendship between you. You two were best friends nonetheless and nothing could stop you from being gross together, bickering playfully, and exchanging memes with attached captions "lol dis u dumbass" just like before romance was involved.
Shoto was passionate about showing you off and presenting you to his family, unable to care less whether they liked you or not. Although you admired his father's work as a pro hero, no amount of respect stopped you from calling him an asshole the day Shoto took you home for dinner and Endeavor couldn't help saying: "As my son, you can do better!". Natsuo and Fuyumi couldn't wait for the day you and their little bro got married.
And Shoto understood them perfectly. He couldn't wait to marry you one day too. The mere thought of waking up to your face every day or even have kids together made his eyes light up with adoration. Little Todorokis, children you'd both take care of better than his dad ever took care of him and his siblings.
The thought of you with his kids, of your kids, sparked a different kind of desire in him, one he made prominent through heated make-out sessions and steamy nights spent together once you were both old and ready enough to give in to each other completely.
And it was all mere words that could barely express the ocean of love Todoroki Shoto held for you.
Shoto often thought about you. Only all the time.
twenty words for love with Todoroki Shoto
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i hope you enjoy 
i stumbled upon a pinterest post about love synonyms and immediately thought of some soft imagines with my favourite Todoroki
Word count: 807
- foxer
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wonderlandhatter · 3 years
Text
Fixations and love.
Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader (I’m fairly sure I didn’t include any pronouns so it can be read as gender neutral)
Summary: Just fluff honestly, it’s quite short but it’s pretty much just Spencer coming home from a case, you’re making bread and lots of cuddles and kisses. Pretty much just fluff with plot.
Word count: 1674
Warnings: None just a load of fluff.
Prompt: 7. “Well the probability of that is 0 but knock yourself out”
A/N: Thank you so much for the request. i posted this like 10 days ago but it was unedited and honestly awful, I haven’t had any inspiration to write in ages, i tried to fix the mess that this was but I still don’t think its great, its ok but anyways. I’m going to try and get out of this slump.
A/N2: My old account got deleted so I'm just reposting my fics I would appreciate if you could bust this so i could get back to where my account was thank you for your time.
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God you hated mornings. They are just horrible, people that like them should not be trusted, they must have issues if they enjoy leaving their nice warm bed.
That’s why you always stayed up late, it had always been that way, when the sun was down is when you felt your happiest and most productive.
And that is why you are currently up at 2am making bread in your kitchen, well attempting. You had wanted to have had the bread done by now or at least by the time Spencer got back home from their latest case. But maybe your plans to bake in the morning got pushed back by the fact you slept until 2pm (it’s the weekend so no judging) and then had some work you brought home to finish so yeah, you’re doing it now. But better late than never.
You were currently sitting on your couch watching greys anatomy while you let your dough rest (for the third time because you may or may not have been very unsuccessful thus far but third times the charm right).
While you were completely wrapped up in the current episode you heard the keys turning and your front door opening to reveal your very handsome boyfriend finally home from a weeklong case.
As soon as you both made eye contact smiles appeared and you rose from your spot and ran straight into his open arms were your face buried into his chest welcoming his familiar smell and he buried his into the top of your head letting the smell of home engulf him, your smell.
You stood there for a minute or two like you always did. After every case when Spencer came home to you, you hugged him, you held each other because that’s what you needed what you both needed, sometimes longer than others but without fail you needed to feel him to feel that he was there and that he had gotten home safe.
He needed to feel you to feel at home and grounded and at peace, he needed to feel the happiness you could only bring to him in contrast of the sadness and horror he was stepping away from.
Spencer was the first to break the silence as you gripped his cardigan , he kissed your temple before speaking “I don’t think I will ever get tired of coming home to you” you smiled at that, home you loved it when he called you home, “I truly hope you don’t, I know I will never get tired of coming home to you” you said the last part as you looked up at him and saw he was already looking at you with a love sick smile, he brought one of his hands up you cup your cheek and you leaned in welcoming the familiar touch.
“I love you y/n” you smiled, god you had heard him say it so many times but it would never fail to make you smile, and so you leaned up and capture his lips in a kiss that said more you ever could.
The first kiss after a case was always all consuming, it was filed with so much love, lust and emotion. It was powerful and wonderful; it was everything you couldn’t share while you were apart and everything you did; all the I love yous and the I miss yous shared over the phone all in one kiss all to show that even though he you couldn’t always be together physically the love and care would always be there. It made you feel loved and any insecurities you or he had about themselves or the relationship were wiped away. It was a dream.
You pulled away first cursing your lungs for needing air, neither you or Spencer opened your eyes just leaned on each other’s forehead basking in the moment and relishing in the love just shared, “I love you too spencer, so much”.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Spencer had gone to shower a little after and you were making coffee, currently adding his mountain of sugar. You had gotten him to cut back on it a little, but it barely mattered he still took it like there was no tomorrow.
You heard him coming out of the shower and approaching you, your back was still to him as you made the coffee so he hugged you from behind and rested his head on your shoulder leaving light scattered kisses on your neck his half dried hair tickling you as he did you giggled.
“Spence stop your tickling me” you giggled while wriggling in his hold, “fine but only because I see coffee and I haven’t had any in too long”.
You half turn around to pick up his mug while now being caged in between the counter and him and handing him his mug.
He takes it from you with a grateful smile and takes a sip “thank you love, it’s perfect” he says after tasting it and kissing your cheek, you reply with a simple and very cocky ‘I know’ before picking up your own mug and taking a sip. Spencer simply sighed out a breathy laugh and shook his head.
Spencer set his cup down on the counter behind you and rested his hands on your hips one hand mindlessly making its way under your shirt, circling your left hip with his thumb without even thinking about it more of just an instinct to need to feel you in any way possible, you both stood like that in comfortable silence.
Spencer broke the silence as the thought popped in his head “so, what were you up to so late” your eyes widen with excitement, you had completely forgotten about the bread dough, it should be ready by now. Jumping up and setting your mug down you practically ran to where you had left your dough to rise.
“Oh, I nearly forgot” you paused in front of the bowl and looked at Spencer who was looking at you with an amused grin, while leaning on the counter and sipping his coffee. So, you explained plainly “I’ve been making bread”.
He raised a questioning eyebrow at you and repeated your statement but as more of an amused question than a statement. “You’ve been making bread?” you just scowled at him and answered very overexaggeratedly, “yes Spencer I have been making bread” you answered strongly, and he just gave you a look before you continued.
“Fine it hasn’t been very successful but this time I know it will be perfect I just need to check that my dough has risen”.
Spenser loved how you got these hyper fixations, you would obsess over shows and hobbies, you would have so much joy and passion for each of them and he loved you even more for it. This time it looks like it was bread, but he quickly saw your face drop as you took the cloth of the top of your bowl.
“Did it not rise” you simply huffed and looked ultimately defeated as you leaned on the counter behind you crossing your arms looking like a sad puppy, you looked up when you heard steps and saw Spencer making his way to you.
“I don’t get it I followed the recipe exactly why do I keep messing it up” Spencer hugged you once he had reached you and rubbed circles onto your back “it’s alright love, bread is a really difficult and delicate thing to make, I’m sure you’ll get it.” This didn’t really make you feel better, you simply grumbled and inaudible response as your face was buried in his chest, Spencer tried his best not to laugh, you were just so adorable when you were tired and slightly grumpy.
“Tell you what love, its late why don’t we go to bed and try again tomorrow”.
You just grumbled into his chest again and this time he couldn’t hold back a tinny   giggle, you knew he was right, you were tired plus you had run out of flour so tomorrow would be the better option.
You could feel Spencer’s chest move as he laughed at your response “come on love I’m sure you will get it tomorrow; I don’t have work so I can help you it will be fun” you simply replied a slightly less muffled response from your spot in his chest “Well the probability of that is 0 but you can knock yourself out“.
“Oh, come on grumpy boots, it will be fun you’re just tired just wait until tomorrow evening when you get your energy back”. “Fine Mr 187 maybe you’re right”.
“Yes I am, now come on I’m tired too, plus I’ve missed sleeping with you in my arms”.
You removed your face from his chest and looked at him while moving your arms up around his neck playing with the damp hair in the nape of his neck “I missed having you in my bed too, your hoodie isn’t the same, it smells the same, but it isn’t you”.
Spencer looked at your sad eyes recalling the nights alone “I know but I’m here now and I don’t plan on leaving your side while I am, now come on”.
You squealed as Spencer swiftly grabbed the top of your thighs and picked you up your legs wrapping around him out of habit. “Spencer I can walk”.
Spencer smirked and patted you bum with one of his hands as you hid your face in his neck to hide how flustered he was making you, “yeah well I want to carry you, I told you I’m not leaving your side while I’m home with you, I’m keeping you as close as possible”.
And with that he walked you to your shared room and laid you down, having already been in pj’s you didn’t need to change, he got under the covers with you and you held each other sharing kisses and I love yours until you drifted of feeling complete once again now that you were back together.
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shouldntcryoverit · 3 years
Text
a clone fit for a ball.
Commander Fox x Reader
I think initially I wanted to write this as a whole story, but it’s quite a lot and (because i haven’t been too active) I just sorted wanted to post something yk :) hope you enjoy! <33
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It’s a dramatised reality if you think about it. The idea of a gathering with the only intention being to appease the aching sore that is political pillow talk, is one that is so pompous it seems that those who benefit from the scheme are the ones who design it. It’s a drawn out, legislative, painfully particular game of charades disguised in lavish clothes and large hats. In almost every way, those garments are often large enough and sparkly enough to hide the deceit they cover, and persuade each mindless baboon that is gormless to fall victim to it to enter into the game themselves. It’s a repetitive cycle, and stupid though it may be; it does work.
Though there was beauty in it that you just couldn’t deny. The decorations were enough to mesmerise you entirely; lavishly hung around each bannister and archway of the senate hall. Bright colours of orange and pink were scattered across the flower arrangements that littered the walls and their accents. Whatever had been done to spritz life into the chandeliers and lighting had worked its magic, for the perfectly lit definitions gave luminosity and warmth all in one squeezing breath. It was inviting and spectacular; a collaboration of everything the senate appeared to be. Even as the floor beneath your heeled feet glistened with rich delight, the pit in your stomach still swallowed your joy.
Your hatred for all things political had always been your strength and your weakness, especially as a senator. You represented your home planet well enough to protect it’s people, but you would not stand for the same deceitful bulldozing that reduced planets and people to nothing more than pawns or money makers. It meant that you stood for nothing you disbelieved in, including ridiculously regimented senate balls.
Nevertheless, you needed a way in. Your planet had been overlooked for far too long; the cries of your people ignored. You needed a trade deal and you needed one that wouldn’t result in republic outposts and war dependancy littering your already fighting home world. A ball was a good opportunity for political match making, and it was one you couldn’t give up.
It was that reasoning that had led you as far as a blue, bejewelled dress that suffocated what waist you apparently had, and hugged each curve with malice. Even with the anger dripping from your rouged lips, you couldn’t deny it. You did look rather pretty. It was a small triumph, but one that gave you confidence enough to manage the heels that’d been handed to you. As you caught a reflection of yourself leaning heavily against the arm of a guard in a particularly shiny section of the wall, you realised just how pretty you did look. Perhaps there was something addicting in the madness of it all: perhaps there was something powerful about a low cut dress and tousled hair.
Your entrance was timely, a rushed manner donned after slightly too much time taken trying to find the dammed place. Typical of Coruscant, you muttered. Two guards in white and red nodded at your arrival, both seemingly emotionless under their plastoid helmets. It was something that’d always confused you about the clone army; all painfully identical, yet lightyears apart from each other. A brotherhood was one thing, yet could you even call it that?
The thought itself was fleeting, though one you were sure to ponder later. You passed those statues of guards within seconds and continued on your warpath to the ‘reception’. It didn’t take much for you to be recognised; the perks of being one of the only senators with detailed and beautiful facial markings. It was something you prided most. The rest was a blur, but you made it into the hall and straight into a chair that’d apparently been pulled out for you. The man to your left was a kindly looking togruta, the woman to your right your stern faced guard, who looked murderous in comparison.
“My dear, aren’t you cold?” The togruta asked with a genuine smile. The question made a small laugh sprout up your throat.
“Perhaps, though my heart is beating far too fast for it to be uncomfortable.” You replied with that charming tone in your voice you’d perfected.
Everything was an act; your shoulders perked up and back to lift your chin in power and confidence, the planned placement of your hands across the table, your silken voice as it left your silken mouth. Even the unplanned conversation would seem regimented, though the Togruta’s nature settled your mind with authentic care.
“Ah, now that I can understand.” He shuffled, uncomfortable or unsure you couldn’t tell. “I do apologise, but I cant seem to place you.”
You paused again with an unfaltering expression of tenderness.
“Oh well I know you, Governor Roshti. But I don’t blame you, I took over from Madame Liobrev shortly after she resigned from senatorial status. This is my first ball to say the least.” There was a hint of an exhale by the end of your scentence, it felt good to admit even subtly that you were out of your depth.
“Well it doesn’t show, I only hope my name hasn’t ingrained in your mind the way it has in so many’s.” The sadness that fell across his face was just as genuine as the smile that it had replaced. It made the compassionate side of you ache.
“You did what this god forsaken war made you do, I see no reason for shame to fall upon you or your people. Battle leaves us all defenceless.” The spite of your tongue was heavy; anger for the war too many fell victim to.
“Thank you, my dear.”
You smiled once again, before turning back to your guard. She was perched haughtily on her seat, weapon securely hidden but it’s presence obvious. Her attire was in contrast to yours; armour and garments all of dark colours and metal accents. She looked like a warrior, and you were momentarily envious.
“Taurin you really ought to relax. Senators aren’t that vicious. Or at least not when they’re sedated with flattery and shiny things.” You joked, desperate to take the edge of both her and yourself.
Taurin, the guard, bowed her head in humor, a distant smile forming over her pursed lips. It was one you were incredibly fond of, and one you had grown to recognise as endearment.
“M’lady, it’s not the senators I’m worried about.”
You laughed; a breathy laugh that corrupted your lungs and throat.
“What more could you possibly find challenging about a ball this compensated for. Perhaps it’s that my shoes will grow painful on my feet? Enjoy yourself!” You pressured with sweet intentions.
She turned to face you with a vindictive smile laced with sour belief. Her eyes trailed over your reeling eyes in silent conversation, seconds before they jolted off their steady trajectory just past your head. What had been childish remark soon freezed over to slight panic and question. You noticed the change almost instantly and frowned with creased eyebrows. As your head began to swivel to turn to her opponent, she screeched and forced you down.
The fall from your chair wasn’t high, but the adrenaline and shock of the direct hit made it seem endless. You hit the hard floor with a mind numbing crack, one that caused your eyes to widen before you realised it was only one of the many jewels that laced your back splintering; rather than something a critical. Nonetheless, the shot that flew past certainly was real.
The bullet soared over your head, frowning that it had missed it’s target. You couldn’t even process what had happened before Taurin fell to your level, teeth clenched in agony. You reacted as best you could with hands fumbling around her leaking wound; but she swatted you away and thrusted your head down once more. That one bullet, the one that had cursed your luck and gone for your guard in spite of it, had previously had a purpose. Your mind lingered on that fact for a second before you pushed past it. Searching eyes found Governor Roshti’s, who had copied your move and positioned himself just under the table.
You couldn’t hear much over your panting breath; nothing except the shouts and screams of senators whose useless lives felt threatened, so naturally, just like their entire life’s work, they do nothing except complain and wail. It was dark under the thick tablecloth, too dark for anything to be made clear to you. Taurin had wriggled further away and was holding her position behind your table, a gun most definitely in her hand.
Three shots. Four shots. Two. One. Silence.
Now really all you could hear was your panting breath. The blood rushing through your ears made a ringing sound, and the tingling in your veins made the fastness of your heart seem ordinary. Governor Roshti made no adjustments to his stance at the silence, but you were itching to unfold your coiled legs and poke you head up and out of the cover. Like most things you did, you did it without asking. The carnage wasn’t as bad as the screams foretold it to be, but as soon as your vision shifted you saw the agony splayed over Taurin’s face.
“Help! Medic!” Was the instantaneous shout from your lips.
One of the clone guards from earlier shot up. He wore a kama around his waist and his armour was weathered; something that told you he was rough without him having to speak a word.
“Ma’am sit back down, we don’t know where the attackers went.” He commanded.
“I can manage.”
His helmet tilted slightly in what you assumed to be annoyance. With two fingers pointing he signalled for a medic to step forward. The new clone looked significantly younger through the way he held himself and the shining of his uniform. With Taurin being led away, you finally let go of the breath you’d been holding.
“Ma’am-“
“I’d like to know who just tried to kill me.” The clone looked slightly surprised at the deadpan tone of your voice. “And who shot my closest guard.”
He grimaced from under his helmet and lifted his hand up to his visor to tap into his comm channel.
“This is Commander Fox, what’s our status?” He spoke; a velvety tone lacing the authority in his voice.
Fox. It wasn’t bad. Your mind shifted once again as his comm crackled back at him.
“Suspect... run... in pursuit... ty hunter.” Was all you could make out, but it didn’t take a genius to fill in the gaps.
“They won’t find the assailant while pampering senators.” You spoke, cringing slightly at the privilege you held yourself; here you were demanding Commander of his time, all because you have some morsel of perhaps undeserved power.
“I’m sorry” Perhaps an attempt to reconcile your blundering thoughtlessness would change the trooper’s aggravated stance. “I only meant that it would help if the senators uninvolved were to be sent home and out of your hair, it can’t be fun listening to them whine.”
His head tilted slightly in what you hoped to be a grin. “You’re not wrong, but I’m afraid I can’t keep you alone in protection. Not when we don’t actually know who was the intended target.”
“Commander, let me help. Before I was a senator I was a member of the guard. I’m afraid I can just about handle myself.” There was more than a hint of pride in your voice as you spoke.
Fox shook his head and lifted off his helmet. It would be far to say you lost your breath at the sight of his actual face. In the few seconds you spent mentally sketching his face into your brain, your mind fastened at his slightly too-long-to-be-neat mop of curly hair, and how it fell playfully over his deeply tanned forehead. His cheekbones were sharp enough to shut you up (which was, as he’d come to discover, wasn’t actually that easy) let alone the bite of his jaw.
But it was his eyes that made you most intriguing; deep and wise auburn eyes set perfectly amongst weathered skin. They watched you for a moment before the eyebrows above them lifted slightly in confusion.
You hadn’t meant to stare. Or maybe you had, it was unimportant.
“Fine, I’ll take you back to the office while the boys take the others to a safe space.” He wasn’t smiling, but he didn’t seem as begrudging anymore; a small victory.
“Thank you, although I may need a change in shoes.”
At this he did grin; and it was marvellous.
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def-initely-soul · 3 years
Text
house rules {2}
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pairing: jimin x reader (f.)
genre: fluff; angst; roommates au; kinda new girl au; smut; f2l au
rating: explicit
warnings: sexual content; mention of emotional abuse; mention of manipulative relationship; mention of body issues; explicit smut
words: 19.6k
summary:
↠ {living with two guys has always its pros and cons. Pros being someone will always get you popcorn for your midnight cravings. Cons being you might like one of them…?} ↞
or alternatively, the shenanigans of five friends, where two of them are in a loving relationship, one is Kim Seokjin and the other two don’t know what the fuck they’re doing
.
.
Next morning, on Christmas eve, you try to be as nonchalant as you can. Thankfully your walls are thick enough so no one took notice of your late-night shenanigans and what happened between you before Hoseok’s interruption was barely anything out of the ordinary.
Thankfully you get yourself distracted with the preparations for this evening. Every year the five of you plan a traditional Christmas dinner, idea courtesy of Hoseok’s and Seokjin’s minds, where every single one of you was assigned to different tasks.
Seokjin is in charge of the roasted turkey, as he is every year, Hoseok will cook his famous vanilla-roasted sweet potatoes, Jimin will prepare a cauliflower soup and Ana is always in charge of the desert. This year choosing the recipe of a Buche de Noel.
You’re left with the simple task of making smooth mashed potatoes and bringing the booze.
Even though simpler than what others have to do, it gives you time to be alone and focus on something else other than Jimin. Whether you’re cooking or going to the store to pick up the alcohol, your time is productively filled with anything other than thoughts of him.
You take a nap around midday, leaving the kitchen free for the guys to use. Taking a hold of this opportunity to stay clear of Jimin’s gaze. You make sure your interactions are limited between the lines of what is only necessary, even when the preparations are done and you sit around the table.
Ana and Seokjin arrive together, the turkey the size of a small TV, which Seokjin himself puts on the table. Not letting anyone else help him or carve it, flashbacks of last year when Jimin tried to carve it and nearly dropped it still etched to everyone’s memory.
You help Ana move the desert to the fridge for later, and as all of you take your places at the dinner table, you feel a particular set of eyes on you.
Thankfully you don’t sit next to him so you don’t have any one-on-one conversation like you do with Seokjin sitting to your right. You only talk to him when the conversation involves the whole group and that’s only to not alert anyone that something is off.
Your mind is swarmed with memories of Jimin’s look. With the way he’s looking at you now.
You ignore it in favour of talking to Ana at the end of the table as she rumbles excitedly about the party next week. You immerse yourself in that conversation, going lightly over some details and pouring another glass of wine as Seokjin passionately joins you.
Although, even if you’re engrossed to something else you can’t help but notice one thing. 
He never mentions Dinah.
And that gives you magnificent, dreadful hope.
.
.
It’s New Year's Eve, and you’re in an awfully good mood.
The party is in full bloom, the essence of joy and excitement wafting through the air, people dancing their worries away and laughing under the neon-lights (Ana really went all-in in the decoration department), having fun in what can only be a fitting welcome for a bright New Year.
The mulled wine has gotten slightly into you, landing you in that perfect spot between sober and tipsy, just enough to elevate your already high spirits. Besides you’re also celebrating finally finishing your book. It’s been a bitch of a struggle but finally, you’ve gone and did it. Finally booking an appointment with a publishing company that took an interest in you after reading one of your drafts you’ve previously sent them.
And well. Dinah isn’t here.
“I cannot believe I’m talking to the next Stephen King!” Hoseok yaps excitedly, throwing an arm around your shoulder, voice raised higher than normal due to the several “old-fashioned” he managed to throw back.
You grunt from the sudden weight as he leans a bit too much on your side to stand up. “Okay, step it down a notch, buddy,” you chuckle, patting him on the shoulder.
He thinks it over before-. “Sir Arthur Conan Doyle?”
Your eyes widen, an involuntary laugh escaping you. “I said step it down a notch, not climb the whole mcfreakin ladder?” Hoseok giggles happily, before his eyes rest on the hostess, who’s currently talking to a coworker, gleeful smile in full bloom.
He waves at you to lean closer to him and you oblige. “See that girl over there?” he whispers to you conspiratory, pointing at Ana who seems oblivious to your conversation. You chuckle at his drunk antics but decide to appease him and nod.
A blissful smile takes over his lips. “Imma marry her someday.”
You barely keep your smile at bay. Honestly, Hoseok is whipped for Ana and anyone who doesn’t see that is blind, so it doesn’t sound weird coming from him. You’re willing to bet his wish is gonna come true someday. It’s just a matter of time.
Though you’re happy for your friends, you can’t let this teasing opportunity pass you by.
“Hey, champ, I got some bad news for you…” you press your lips together in mock-sadness and Hoseok’s face falls.
“She has a boyfriend,” you deliver the final blow and his eyes widen. Before he bursts into tears.
At least a couple of people stare at you, as Hoseok bawls his eyes out and you can’t stop cackling. Oh, god, you didn’t know he was this drunk, he was perfectly fine moments ago! Although to be perfectly candid, he has a low alcohol tolerance, so really this one is on you.
Ana shows up after a few seconds, worry etched into her features after seeing her boyfriend cry like a baby. “What happened? Are you okay?” she asks him, obviously more sober than him, but once she sees you laughing, her eyes narrow. “What did you do to him?”
You shrug, your expression being the poster-child for innocence. “Nothing! I just told him you have a boyfriend.”
This sends another wave of tears down Hoseok’s cheeks and Ana laughs incredulously. 
“Is it true? Do you have a boyfriend” Hoseok struggles to ask through his hiccups and Ana can’t repress the lovesick smile on her lips.
“Yes and he’s a giant baby.”
“Does that mean I still have a chance?”
Ana chuckles before pressing a kiss on Hoseok’s pouty lips. “It’s you, you dufus! Now, come on, let’s get you to lay down…”
“Really?” he says with the most childlike smile you’ve ever seen on him. And only seconds later it turns into a smirk. "Oh, I will lay down, I will lay down so hard that you-” he struggles to complete his sentence, “that you’ll want to lay down with me…”
You groan out loud, not ready for the scene to turn into an NSFW one. “Are you horny all the time?” you complain out loud and the couple raises their brows at you.
“...Already know the answer to that one. Thank you very much five years of living together!” you admit regrettably and Ana tsks you.
“Serves you right for having the nerve to terrorize the sun himself!”
“That’s me!” Hoseok points to himself with a proud smile and you press your lips together to stop the giggles from escaping as Ana rolls her eyes fondly at her boyfriend.
“I’ll get him to my room-” Hoseok finger guns her, winks and blows her a kiss, “could you please make him some coffee?” Ana pleads you as she struggles to push a drunk Hoseok down the hall.
“You got it, babe! I’m gonna roast this coffee so bad, it’s gonna go running to its momma!” you announce in the spur of the moment, but Ana just looks at you like you’ve grown a second head.
“Doesn’t work for me, does it?” Ana just shakes her head and you huff. “I’ll go get the coffee…”
You drive through the crowd, barely avoiding the drinks spilling left and right and finally reach the kitchen. Thankfully there’s only like a couple of people around, so you reach for the french press easily, adding the coffee grounds and warming some water in the microwave.
“Why on earth are you having coffee with so much alcohol around and why does that weirdly make sense for you?” Jimin enters your vision, resting his hip on the counter in a mirror of your stance and you have to take a breath.
His dark blue hair is slicked back, revealing the magnificence of his eyebrows (yeap, that’s another spot of Jimin you’re weak about). He’s dressed in all black; black jeans, black T-shirt with an open neckline, a leather belt hugging closely at his hips, a dangly earring gracing his earlobe and a silver chain resting against his glistening collarbones. He has been dancing and all you wanna do is dive in and bite at the skin of his neck, glinting welcoming under the dimmed lights.
Focus.
“Give me a break, it’s not even for me…” you joke back, just in time to cover up your little zone-out. Jimin stares back confused.
“Who then-?” he makes a sound of realization before he chuckles. “Hoseok,” he responds and you nod, a giggle already on your lips.
After Christmas eve, when you refused to even speak to him, things became less weird. It seems like the two days you spent actively avoiding each other helped in restoring the dynamics back to normality. You’re not even sure who made the first move but after a few days, you were back to normal, as if that thing on the couch never happened.
Maybe it is for the best to pretend it never happened. No feelings are going to get hurt this way.
“Yeap, Ana took him back to her bedroom,” you reply, moving to pour the water into the french press.
Jimin raises an unconvinced eyebrow as he hands you a mug. “And are you sure they’re not gonna fuck back there?”
You take the mug with an appreciative nod. “Honestly, they’re probably fucking right now on their way there. Maybe they are, maybe they’re not. Maybe I’ll be scarred for the rest of my life walking into that and maybe I won’t.”
“And you’ll take those chances?” Jimin chuckles incredulously and you almost swoon at the way his smile lights up the room.
“This coffee won’t deliver itself!” you joke and Jimin’s smile turns bigger.
“Your service is greatly appreciated!” he says with an awful British accent and proceeds to laugh.
“Well, thank you good sir!” you play into it with a curtsy and both of you burst into happy, slightly intoxicated giggles.
Your eyes rest on the french press as the coffee grounds seep into the water and it’s like your lips have a mind of their own when they ask the following question.
“So, alone tonight?” you ask with fake nonchalance and you swear Jimin tenses.
You can’t help yourself. From the moment you realized Dinah was absent you wanted to know why. They’ve been dating for almost a month, so that means they’d still be all over each other, you figured they’d want to spend New Year's together.
So how come Dinah isn’t here?
Jimin nods, eyes absentmindedly following your fingers as they trace the marble counter.
“What happened to Dinah? Didn’t want to spend New Years with our ugly asses?” you joke, hoping to lift the tension off his shoulders and rejoice when Jimin cracks a smile.
“No, no. Actually, her friends are throwing a party too…” he simply says, not giving you another explanation even though something else clearly bothers him. You don’t ask further, figuring he’ll tell you if he wants to, so you move to press the plunger down and pour the brown liquid into the cup Jimin handed you earlier.
“And I actually didn’t …” he hesitates, biting his bottom lip.
God, this is straight-up torture.
“Didn’t…?” you urge him on, sensing his desire to say whatever’s bothering him.
He takes a breath.
“Didn’t have the need to invite her…?” he admits, eyes on the steaming cup of coffee, struggling to put his thoughts into words as you stare at him utterly confused. He didn’t have the need to invite her? Like, he didn’t care if she was here?
No, Y/N, don’t get your hopes up.
Jimin huffs, running a hand through his hair.
“I mean.. I didn’t want to.”
And you find him staring at you again, with those intense, magnetic eyes and your breath is sucked out of your lungs.
He didn’t want to invite her. Why? What does it mean? Why did he do it?
And why is he looking at you like that?
Did he-?
“Surprise!” a familiar female voice echoes through the kitchen as Dinah throws herself literally against Jimin, hugging his waist with an excited smile. No concern in her eyes over your panicked faces.
You don’t know if she heard your conversation but if she did, she doesn’t show it.
Jimin’s wide, panicked eyes travel between you and Dinah. “Dinah, what are you doing here? I thought you were spending New Year’s at Minoh’s?” he turns around to bring her forward and the intimacy hiding in the domestic action drives a knife through your chest.
“That party was boring as hell. And I missed you,” she says with a blinding smile and leans in to press a soft kiss on Jimin’s lips, ripping your heart in two.
You can’t stand this. You can’t stand to watch as she kisses him right in front of you and you feel like an outsider, glimpsing at something you long for but can’t have. Is it always gonna be this hard?
You swallow the lump in your throat, gripping the cup tighter and force a smile on your lips just in time for the couple to miss your crestfallen expression.
It’s time to get out of here.
“That’s great! You’re just in time to spend New Year’s together!” you exclaim with forceful enthusiasm and Dinah nods excitedly as Jimin looks at you with an indecipherable expression. “You’ll have to excuse me, I have to deliver this bad boy!” you smile, pointing at the mug and you start walking away, already waiting for the moment you don’t have to keep that smile on your face any longer.
That seems to wake Jimin up as his eyes widen. “Wait, Y/N, I didn’t-”
“Have fun at the party!” you interrupt him, keeping the smile on for a little longer, before you turn your back at them, smile disappearing, steps fast as you miss Jimin’s face filled with despair.
.
.
Your steps bring you back to the living room, already having delivered the coffee to Ana’s room. Although Jimin’s suspicions were correct and you walked into a scene you’d rather forget, closing your eyes to avoid any more damage on your retina, resulting in you leaving the couple with a half-spilt coffee.
Not that they’ll be needing it now anyway.
Stepping into the main area of the party you can’t help the sour mood that takes over you, watching everyone have a good time. You were also having a good time until Dinah arrived.
Which reminds you. What did Jimin mean back then? Was it just stupid you with your tendency to read way too much into things or did he actually mean what you wanted him to?
And if he did, why is he still dancing with her?
Your eyes are stuck to the couple in question, dancing in the middle of the living room as a mid-tempo dance track plays through the speakers, Dinah’s hands wrapped around Jimin’s waist as he sways her softly to the beat.
The night started out so well. You were having fun, for once all worries put aside as you didn’t have to think about the book or Dinah, or Jimin. You were happy.
But then someone decided to shit all over that happiness and you were back to the beginning. Having your heart broken by your best friend and he doesn’t even know.
You take a breath to calm the erratic beating of your cracking heart when you see a too familiar face emerging from the kitchen.
Oh no, what is Jaehyun doing here?
You move quickly, dreading to talk to him, hoping he won’t see you but, alas, luck was never on your side.
His eyes spot you all the way across the room, with numerous people in between like he has laser vision or something. A smile takes over his lips as he waves at you and begins walking towards you.
God, no. No, you can’t deal with him right now. He’ll probably want another date and you know he deserves to know the truth but you just can’t do it right now.
You’re quick to move to the balcony, trying to lose him through the crown but his voice keeps calling you even outside. You slip through the people and into the living room, stopping to see him briefly lose you as his eyes scan the balcony.
You escape into the kitchen, hoping he won’t look for you here and in your hastiness to hide, you fall face-first into Seokjin’s chest.
“Fuck, sorry, you need to move!” you say urgently, trying to hide behind the massive wall he calls his shoulders.
Seokjin regards you with a suspicious glare. “What are you doing?”
“Trying to hide from Jaehyun!” you bite through gritted teeth as your eyes scan the open area behind you. With relief you realise Jaehyun isn’t anywhere near, just a bunch of other people and Jimin talking with Dinah and Hoseok.
Your heart still clenches uncomfortably when Seokjin interrupts your thoughts.
“Why are you hiding from Jaehyun? Didn’t the date go well?” he asks you purely confused and with guilt, you realize you never told him nor Ana that you bailed.
You bite your lip. “I didn’t go…”
Seokjin’s eyes widen comically. “What?! Why?! I thought you wanted to!”
You groan rubbing your palm on your face. “I just… didn’t feel like it anymore! And now he’s here, looking for me and I don’t know what to do! Who invited him anyway?”
At that Seokjin has the decency to look guilty. “I may have seen him at the coffee shop and invited him… But in my defence I didn’t even know you bailed on him!” he looks at you with a scolding glare and another groan leaves your lips.
“Oh, shit here he comes…” Seokjin looks carefully behind you and you steal a glance to indeed see Jaehyun stepping into the living room and walking straight towards you.
“Okay, fuck, let me think…” you mumble in thought when you see something on the ceiling, hanging just a few centimetres behind Seokjin.
“Got it!” you exclaim, and when Seokjin doesn’t follow, you push him back so both of you stand right beneath the thing hanging from the ceiling and then you point at it, knowing he’ll catch the drift.
Seokjin’s eyes follow your fingers, only to widen in horror when they rest at what you're pointing at.
Mistletoe.
“No! No, no, no, I’m not kissing you so you can get rid of him!” he hisses, eyes swimming in denial and disbelief. But you narrow your eyes at him.
“It’s your fault he’s here! So step the fuck up Kyle!” you hiss back and Seokjin looks less than thrilled.
“Don’t quote vines to me, you heathen, I won’t hesitate bitch!” he responds and you know you’re halfway winning him over.
“I can’t believe you’ve done this…” you reply, mastering the perfect puppy eyes.
The sound of his favourite vine has him yielding in a matter of seconds, choking back a laugh before he rolls his eyes. “Fine. But we gotta hurry up, he’s almost here,” Seokjin relents, eyes falling behind you.
“Buckle up,” is the only thing you say before grasping Seokjin’s panicked face and press your mouths together.
You stay like that for a few seconds, simply pressing your lips together like an awful K-drama kiss though there’s no romantic music playing in the background. The kiss is at its best… underwhelming. That’s what you were lusting after all those years? It certainly doesn’t live up to the expectations.
You lean back, staring at Seokjin who barely manages to conceal his weirded out face. “Is he gone?” you whisper and Seokjin nods in relief.
“Yes, he’s gone…” he mumbles, letting out a breath as you let his face free and take a step back, finally breathing freely.
“Don’t ever do that again!” he exclaims, his words followed by a loud gagging noise.
“Anything for you Beyonce!” you say, sharing the sentiment and you grab a random shot glass on the counter, to wash out the feeling of Seokjin’s clumsy mouth on yours.
“We don’t tell anyone. We take this to the grave and live the rest of our lives feeling slightly awkward with each other. Sounds good?” Seokjin states with wide eyes and you laugh at his seriousness.
“Ay, ay, captain! Now take a shot with me to erase the memory for good!” you say, filling two glasses with tequila and you hand him one.
“To forgetting this ever happened!” he raises his shot and you follow his movements before downing the contents of the glass.
“Amen to that.”
.
.
Half an hour later, its time for the countdown so the New Year can officially begin.
The automatic clock on Ana’s TV screen reads 23:59:03 and you rush to gather your friends together in one place, so the New Year can find all five of you together as it has for the last four years.
The rest of the attendees also gather in groups; friends, couples, coworkers, newly made acquaintances but all shimmering with the vibrating delight to welcome the New Year and the opportunities that are bound to come.
Ana and Hoseok are already counting down the numbers - admittedly a bit too early -, and Seokjin passes you four tequila shots to celebrate once the clock strikes midnight. But then he’s left with an extra one and realization strucks you.
“Hey, where’s Jimin? He’s supposed to be here!” you yell to be heard amidst the loud chattering of the crowd, but your question remains unanswered when Seokjin shrugs his shoulders in loss.
Ana looks around to find said-man but it’s Hoseok that finally puts an end to the mystery. “Uh, actually he went home!”
Your eyebrows furrow, confusion apparent in your eyes. He’s never missed out on this! How could he leave? You always spent New Year’s together, the five of you, it was your unique tradition, one you’ve expected him to keep up with.
Maybe he was feeling a bit under the weather, you try to reason with yourself. Let’s not get mad at him before knowing the whole story.
“Wait, so he left without telling anyone? Is he okay? Did he even tell Dinah he’d leave?” you question back, aware of Ana & Seokjin’s wary gazes but you don’t bother to acknowledge them.
Thankfully, Hoseok still isn’t entirely sober to notice them either and start asking questions.
He just shakes his head at you. “Oh, no, they both left. Oh, the countdown’s started!”
As people begin shouting along with the voice on the TV you can’t help but stare aimlessly into space.
They both left. Jimin ditched you, all four of you to spend New Year’s with Dinah. Alone.
And it hurts. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts.
It shouldn’t feel as much as a personal attack but it does. He left all four of you but it still feels like he specifically left you behind. As if he doesn’t care anymore. Before all that the chance of the two of you ever happening was abysmal. But it was still there, however small. You were fine with that cause at least you knew he valued you as a friend.
Now, you’re not even sure of that anymore.
You should be fine with him leaving. You’re just his friend.
And yet the heartbreak is overbearing.
Seokjin looks at you carefully as Hoseok keeps counting down to one, entirely unaware of what just happened as Ana counts with him but her eyes are on you.
You give her and Seokjin a weak smile, before averting your eyes quickly to count as well, not bearing to see the looks of pity in their eyes.
You hate this.
The clock strikes midnight.
You’ve never felt more alone.
.
.
The next morning finds you exhausted when you wake up on Seokjin’s couch. You’re not sure you could handle going back to the apartment and having Dinah and Jimin across the hall from you. Hoseok was going to spend the night at Ana’s, meaning firstly he kinda gave Jimin the pass to run wild and secondly you couldn’t crash at Ana’s. Of course, she insisted it was okay but you didn’t want to cockblock her on New Year’s. So Seokjin offered his home as an alternative which you happily accepted.
You’re dreading to go back to your flat, though already knowing it’s an inevitable curse, you leave a note for Seokjin to find when he wakes up and then you leave his apartment.
On the way home, you wonder if you should trek over to the donut shop around the corner for some heavenly delicacies but then you’d have to buy Jimin and Dinah some. And that is simply something you’re not willing to do.
Hopefully, they’ll be both asleep when you arrive, too tired to be up at 10 am on New Year’s, so you’ll get your chance to quietly slip into your room and avoid everyone for the rest of the week.
Maybe even a month until those stupid feelings finally decide to disappear.
You try your best to be as soundless as possible when you unlock the front door. You enter the living room on your tiptoes, closing the door quietly behind you before moving to throw your coat on the hanger.
The moment you think you’re alone passes by quickly when you hear the door of the fridge being shut and immediately turn around to see Jimin staring at you with bleary eyes. His hair is a mess as he’s clad in a white T-shirt and grey sweatpants as his pjs, a cup of what must be steaming coffee on one hand as the other runs through his locks. You find yourself salivating.
“Where did you go this early in the morning?” his gruff voice comes out, purely confused and before you get to correct him, his eyes fall on your figure. And he realizes you’re still dressed the same as last night.
“Did you just get here?” he asks, his voice a tad too sharp and accusing to be considered friendly and your arms wrap around your middle protectively.
“Uh, yeah… I crashed at Seokjin’s… Too tired to come back after helping Ana clean up…” you joke, forcing a laugh to hopefully ease the sudden tension hanging in the air.
Though your airy laugh doesn’t reach Jimin. Instead, his eyes are fixed on the wall to his right, jaw tense in what seems almost as anger before he takes a quick sip of his coffee and slum the cup on the counter.
“Ugh… are you okay-?” your confusion is apparent in your voice as Jimin walks off the kitchen, down the hallway.
“I’m going back to sleep…” he mumbles through clenched teeth before he disappears inside his bedroom and closes the door with a loud bang.
You stare weirdly at his door, bewildered by his entire behaviour but you’re still too sleepy to let it get to you. So instead you opt for crawling over to your room and hide beneath the covers.
.
.
The days after New Year’s turn out weirder and weirder to the point of questioning your mental state.
Seokjin still feels somewhat awkward around you after the kiss but instead of avoiding you, as any normal human being would do, he actively seeks you out, clinging to you and following you around like a shadow, as if the over-exposure will help him get rid of the awkwardness faster.
True to your words, none of you have said anything about it to the others, so you were half waiting for everyone to be immediately weirded out by Seokjin’s sudden display of affection. But apart from Ana that gave you some scarce confused looks, the other two haven’t made a single comment, as if this is a completely normal situation. They barely blink when even yourself gets creeped out from Seokjin’s insistent coddling.
Which brings you to the other weird thing happening in the flat.
Jimin barely talks to you anymore.
You don’t have the slightest idea why. If you said something, or done something that offended him, you’re none the wiser. And how are you supposed to know when he barely greets you in the morning?
Every time you attempt conversation, there’s always something he has to do, which sounds completely ironic, given you were the one that kinda did the same before.
Not to cover your own ass but you did that for the sake of your friendship! If Jimin ever finds out you’re into him, you can’t bear to think the effect this might have on your friendship.
Whereas Jimin might as well be angry over such a small thing as you using his earbuds.
It wouldn’t have bothered you that much if it wasn’t for Dinah.
Well, she barely does anything, it's just that Jimin always goes to her when he has the chance. Nights spent with all five of you together munching on popcorn in front of the TV, turn into awkward gatherings as Ana and Hoseok pair up against you and Seokjin, leaving the two of you cringing whenever the couple does something too coupley.
At New Year’s Eve, he practically admitted he wasn’t that much into her anymore and now he’s always with her. Did he lie back then? And if so why?
Everything is wrong and you don’t know how to fix it.
If only Jimin hadn’t begun dating Dinah, none of this would’ve happened. You wouldn’t have realised you liked him, he wouldn’t have spent so much time with her, he wouldn’t abandon the four of you for her.
Although, a small part of you screams you would’ve realised you liked Jimin either way. It wasn’t about Dinah.
And yet you can’t help the loathing that emerges like bile in your throat when you hear her name.
Or when Jimin, after two weeks of avoiding the rest of you, announces you are to throw a dinner so you can get to know her better.
You feel the headache splitting your skull open.
.
.
It’s nearly impossible to hide your sour mood once Dinah steps into the apartment.
A switch has flipped and where there was a smile from joking around with Ana, now there’s a permanent scowl on your face as you refuse to even acknowledge the newcomer, as she greets the rest of your friends.
Once she says hello to you too, you mumble something that resembles a greeting, not even bothering to look at her direction, as Ana regards you with a warning glare.
Deep down you know most of your attitude comes from Jimin’s behaviour these last couple of days, and Dinah’s direct contribution is only at roughly 10%. But you’re stubborn, immature and putting the blame on her seems like an easy way to cope with the situation and the hurricane of feelings swirling in your mind.
No one said it’s the right one. But for now, it’s what keeps you from hiding in your bedroom and wallowing in self-pity. Not that you won’t do that later.
You result in setting the table with Hoseok in silence, not really in the mood to talk, as everyone else sits in the living room and you catch glimpses of their conversation.
Seokjin and Ana talk about a new addition Seokjin wants to put on the menu of his restaurant, while Jimin and Dinah dally on the other side of the room.
You think you’re gonna barf.
“Ugh… Y/N are you okay?”
You turn around at the voice, surprised to see Hoseok stare at you with confused and worried eyes. Shit, did he sniff out something?
“Ah, yes! Why?” you put forward your most cheery voice in the hopes it will throw him off.
“‘Cause you keep stabbing the meat with the forks…” he comments carefully, leaning a bit backwards as his worry grows, once your confused eyes meet his.
And then you look back to the meat and, surely, all the forks you were supposed to pass around the table are stabbed into the steaks on the centre of the table.
Your eyes widen as you press your lips together in horror. God, why can’t you just behave for once?
You rush to remove all the utensils, dumping them into the sink and you pick out new ones, as Hoseok keeps staring at you with a raised eyebrow.
“I’m fine!” you respond with a clipped voice and you’re not sure what Hoseok hears in your voice but he drops it, in favour of placing the napkins around the table. Though you can still feel his weirded-out stare from time to time.
Once the table is set, Hoseok calls for everyone to gather around and one by one flock to their seats.
And as you put the finishing touches, you can’t help but hear Jimin’s conversation with Dinah.
“We have ice cream for dessert, you’re gonna love this one, it’s heavenly!” he says with excitement.
“Oh, only if it’s vegan, me and regular milk don’t go along…” she jokes and as Jimin says he’ll have someone check, an idea pops into your head. A petty, childish idea but it gives you some purpose for now.
So, she’s lactose intolerant? It would surely be a shame if she were to eat normal ice cream.
And by “shame” you mean hilarious.
The little voice in the back of your head berates you for acting so immature but at this moment you desperately need this. You can be salty for one evening.
What’s the harm?
.
.
Once everyone’s plates are empty, the lot of you migrate to the living room, as you stay in the kitchen to get the ice cream out of the freezer.
Jimin told Ana to ask you to check for the ice cream some time ago, -can you believe it, he didn’t even ask you! He had to talk to Ana for god’s sake-, and you did. But just as you’d suspected it wasn’t vegan.
So your plan is good to go.
You have Seokjin help you carry the bowls of ice cream to the living room and you pass each one around as they’re expected with excited noises.
Ana almost moans at the delicious flavour and Hoseok chuckles at his girlfriend’s antics as you sit next to Seokjin and dive straight into your own bowl.
During dinner it seemed everyone got along just fine with Dinah, talking and joking together as if she’s been a part of this group for a long time. And it bothers you even more.
You also recognize her attempts to get close to you as well but really you can’t be bothered. It comes to the point where she talked to you and all you did is give her a one-word answer before turning your attention somewhere else.
Though right at this moment your attention is solely on her as she takes a scoop out of her ice cream.
“Mmm, it’s really good!” she says excitedly to a smiling Jimin, as she swoops in for another spoon.
But after a few seconds, her eyebrows scrunch in confusion, as she keeps the ice cream in her mouth, looking as if she’s trying to figure out something. You can barely contain your gloating.
“Uhm, this ice cream is vegan right?” she rushes to say, eyes growing just a bit wider with what seems like panic.
Ana turns to look at you and you answer with the most innocent look you can manage, acting like you just realised you didn’t.
“Oh, oops! I guess I forgot to check, sorry! Why, are you lactose intolerant?” you respond in the first complete sentence you’ve given her tonight, internally gloating at her misfortune.
She swallows, her eyes widen even more, traces of fear growing in them. “Ugh, no-”
What does she mean no?
“I’m allergic.”
At once every conversation ceases, all eyes resting on her, wide in shock.
Fuck.
Jimin is the first to react.
“What?! Shit. Are you okay, should we take you to a hospital?” he asks in panic, placing the ice cream as further away from her as he can while you’re left staring at her in horror.
“Well, since I can feel my tongue thwelling, I thay we thould,” she comments shaking, losing the ability to pronounce the letter “s” as more time passes.
“Oh my god, I’m so sorry,” you struggle to say, full of remorse, but no one seems to hear you as the situation goes haywire.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, this wasn’t supposed to happen!
Seokjin is immediately on his feet. “I’ll drive you there, you guys clean up here okay?” he commands urgently and as you feel the guilt overwhelming you, you stand up form your spot in an instant.
“I’ll come with!” your voice trembles as you reach for your bag while Jimin and Seokjin help Dinah out of the apartment hurriedly.
But as soon as you speak Jimin’s furious eyes are on you.
“I think you’ve done enough.”
And then he slams the door behind them.
You’re left staring at the piece of wood with trembling eyes, as Ana and Hoseok simply stare at you, Hoseok’s eyes wide in shock as yours while Ana’s are filled with disappointment.
You. Fucking. Idiot.
.
.
It’s almost four hours later when Jimin and Seokjin return, finding only Hoseok in the living room waiting for them as he asks them how it went.
But Jimin doesn’t bother answering him as he instead marches with loud, angry steps towards your room.
On the other side of the door, your nails are nearly non-existent from all the nervous thinking that has plagued your mind for the last few hours. Your texts to both of them asking how Dinah was, were left unanswered and you were left brewing in your own nerves.
Until the door opens and Jimin walks in.
You freeze in your spot once your eyes meet his and see the undecipherable expression on his face.
You only manage to mumble a guilt-ridden “hi” and he closes the door behind him as he closes his eyes and takes a deep, calming breath.
Although it seems to not do much.
“What the fuck, Y/N?!”
Your answer is immediate, full of regret. “I know, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry! Is she okay?” you ask, out of your wits with panic as you wait for him to answer.
He seems too tired, too exhausted as he responds. “They gave her an antihistamine, she’ll be fine,” he says with a sigh but then his eyes are full of rage as they rest on you again. “But do you realize what might have happened if we were a bit late?! She could have died!” he yells at you, voice full of unbridled outrage as his eyes grow even more with the passing of time and you feel smaller and smaller.
“I’m sorry!-” you repeat again, feeling incredibly awful with what you’ve done, “-I thought she was just lactose intolerant, not allergic!” you say in hopes of redeeming yourself even just a bit but maybe this wasn’t the right thing to say as it seems Jimin’s anger only grows.
“This isn’t the fucking point, Y/N!”, you flinch at the volume of his voice, “The point is you've been trying to sabotage this for weeks! You think I haven't seen the side-glances and the mocking giggles?! I fucking know you don’t like her but couldn’t you just pretend for my sake? Do you have to go to such lengths to let us all know you hate her?!” he spits at you with wild eyes and you fight the urge to wrap your arms around your frame.
“I didn’t poison her on purpose…” you mumble in explanation and your eyes stare at your feet, not daring to look at him, drowning in shame.
“No, but all the other things were!” he refutes with impatience, but then he sighs. His shoulders fall down but his jaw’s still clenched. “Why can’t you just be happy for me? I know what she did better than anyone, believe me, but people are allowed a second chance, and frankly, it’s not your place to decide if she deserves it or not. All I was asking of you was to be decent towards her because I was stupid enough to think you’re my friend above everything and you’d respect my wishes!” he confesses, face crest-fallen and what you once feared, -him looking like this because of you-, has finally come true. You can feel your eyes watering but you can do nothing to stop them.
“I am your friend!” you respond desperately with pleading eyes, trying to stop him from questioning how much he means to you. If only he knew exactly how much.
“Are you really?”, he questions back, “Because the rest of the guys are my friends too and they don’t have a problem with her. It’s just you! And if you can’t accept her and be happy for me then…” he stops, eyes falling on the floor, refusing to meet your gaze and you have an awful feeling blooming in the pit of your stomach.
“...Then we’re better off as just roommates,” he delivers the final blow.
You can’t believe your ears. There’s no way, no way.
You feel your throat closing up. “...You don’t mean that…” you mumble in denial, eyes blurry and voice almost breaking at the possibility of losing your best friend.
Jimin still refuses to look at you, his lips pursed as he shakes his head. “Yeah? And you said you’ll support me no matter what so I guess we both said things we don’t mean.”
“Or I guess that was just you,” he says in a final tone, eyes serious this time on you before he turns towards your door to leave your bedroom. To leave your life.
You can’t breathe.
“Jimin-” you manage to stutter out although you feel like choking. You can’t lose him, you simply can’t.
“No, Y/N, you can’t just-!” he snaps back but stops himself before saying anything else, pressing his lips together.
Then he takes another breath. He collects himself and before you manage to stop him, he closes the door on his way out with a loud bang.
And you can’t move. Your eyes simply stare at the door, refusing to let any tear drop and you purse your lips, feeling a mixture of stubbornness and sorrow.
He left. How could he? How could he push you aside for her?! You’ve been friends for a little more than five years now and he ruins your friendship because of her?! Her?!
You rush to lock the door behind him with blurry eyes, putting the blame on him as for now you need this to stay sane.
Tomorrow you’ll know that everything was your fault.
But for now, you choose to believe otherwise.
You step back from your door, crossing your arms on your chest in defiance.
“If he doesn’t want to be friends then we won’t be!” you exclaim in an attempt to salvage your broken ego but once those words are out of your mouth, once they finally feel real, you can’t stop the tears from rolling down your cheeks.
You have to cover your mouth to drown the sound of your sobs.
You can’t let him hear.
At that moment there’s a knock on your door, before “Y/N? It’s Seokjin, can I come in?”
His voice is quiet, calm, reminding you that he and Hoseok probably heard everything. You can’t deal with it. You can’t deal with any of it.
“Go away, Seokjin…” you mumble with a low voice in order to hide the fact you’re crying.
You hear him sighing. “Come one, at least talk to me-”
“Go away!” your voice is coarse as you yell back, for a second not realising it was you. You know you're gonna regret yelling at him later, but you just want to be alone.
There’s silence on the other side. Then the echoing steps of someone leaving.
And then you break down in the middle of your room.
Alone.
The only sound coming from your quiet sobs.
.
.
{Jimin’s POV}
Keep it together. Don’t lose focus now just because she looks like she’s about to cry.
It’s easier said than done, but Jimin manages to remain focused on what he came here to do. Even if it’s just barely.
He can’t go on like this. Maybe if you were happy for him and actually supported him, things would be different. But when you act like a spoiled baby that didn’t get her wish with no excuse whatsoever when you were supposed to be okay with Dinah… there’s not much he can do.
Not when your behaviour acts as a false beacon of hope. One he can’t afford to see. Otherwise, he might do something he can’t take back.
He’s got to be firm and decisive.
So he turns around to leave before he takes it all back.
“Jimin-” he hears the breaking in your voice, knowing how much this may weigh you down but all he can feel right now is unfairness. It’s unfair how he wants to move on but with one single word he finds his resolve crumbling.
You shouldn’t affect him this much.
“No, Y/N, you can’t just-!” he begins but stops himself. What was he about to say? Something he shouldn’t, probably.
Still, you stop talking. And you just stare at him, with disbelief written in your eyes. He avoids those in favour of staying true to his words.
There’s no saying what he’ll do if he meets them.
So, he simply leaves your bedroom.
Marching through the small distance between your door and his, he can see Hoseok and Seokjin, from the corner of his eyes, staring.
They probably heard everything.
He steps into his bedroom, closing the door behind him, needing some space. To calm down, to take a breath, to finally think about what he just did.
You looked like you were ready to break down at any moment.
Maybe he shouldn’t have been that harsh with you. Maybe he was a bit too hasty, too vengeful in making that decision.
Someone knocks on his door.
What if it’s you?
His steps can’t take him to his door any faster.
But it’s just Hoseok.
“... what?” he hears himself get defensive once he sees your door still closed shut behind the other man.
Hoseok stares at him with understanding. “It doesn’t have to be like that, Jimin…” he comments with a soft voice, always knowing how to approach Jimin when he’s angry, better than anyone.
Jimin sighs, still feeling stubborn but he knows by the end of what Hoseok has to say, he’ll almost certainly listen.
“... Let’s talk about it okay? I’m sure Y/N wants that too…” at those words Jimin swears he feels a small pinch of pain on his chest. He wishes they’re true.
“Seokjin is also gonna talk to her…”
But those words manage to bring his stubbornness back full force.
There’s a chuckle coming out of Jimin but none of it sounds happy.
“Of course he will…” he snaps at Hoseok, who bites his lip once he realises his mistake. “Yeah, Hoseok, I think I’ll pass,” the bitterness is evident in his words, not bothering to hide it from the one person that knows the cause of it.
Hoseok’s eyes widen once he realises Jimin is about to close the door on him. “Wait, Jimin, don’t-”
“Goodnight,” is what Jimin simply says before closing the door on his best friend.
.
.
He can’t be sure when everything began to change. He can’t place a finger on the exact moment his feelings had changed.
On the exact moment, he fell in love with you.
Was it the moment you walked through the door as a roommate applicant? He can’t be sure. But somewhere along the way, the feelings bloomed, outgrew everything he ever felt for anyone.
He just was a bit late at realizing it.
When he woke up after you slept together and his eyes rested on you as you slept, he felt a pain in the middle of his chest. But it didn’t feel like a regular pain, it felt like his heart was expanding like he was experiencing growing pains. Because while he stared at you, he realised there was nothing else he’d rather do. You looked so serene, so at peace sleeping next to him, he never wanted the moment to end.
And that’s how he realised.
Of course, he had to push his newly-found knowledge aside when he saw you nearly going into panic mode. Just because he felt like this, didn’t mean you did too.
So he hid those feelings, playing it cool for the sake of being your friend.
But this shit was difficult when he was surrounded by you twenty-four-seven.
Right before Seokjin’s birthday he had sworn he’d finally tell you. He thought that maybe, just maybe you’d like him back, or at least he’d get to have a weight lifted off his chest.
But then he saw you hugging Seokjin…
He wasn’t trying to spy on you or anything. He was just trying to reach the bathroom when he saw you wrapping your arms around Seokjin. Around the guy you had a crush on for the past few years. It was like a stab to his stomach, even more so when he knew you weren’t really into hugs and when you did hug someone, it usually meant a lot to you.
Jimin couldn’t believe his eyes. He also couldn’t believe how much it hurt and how much he needed something to distract himself.
Or, rather, someone.
That’s how Dina came along.
He never intended to string her along this far though. At that night she was just a distraction, someone familiar who knew how to take care of him, despite everything that had transpired between them in the past.
But Dinah kept trying, kept fighting vigorously for that second chance and he couldn’t help but acknowledge how much she’d changed over the past year. So he let her back into his life, hoping that at least she’d help him forget about you.
And it worked for some time. Until that night.
Until the night you were supposed to go on a date with Seokjin and cancelled it because of him - he’s sure of it even if you vehemently denied it back then-. The night you were dressed on that tight, little, black dress, the one that reminded him of that night eight months ago and suddenly his mind was going haywire with thoughts, or rather, memories of you.
He swears he saw hunger in your eyes when his palm was on your thigh, scorching both of you at the connected spot and if it wasn’t for Hoseok’s interruption, he was sure he’d’ve lost control.
Jimin hates to admit it but that night he kept thinking of you, of your eyes, of your lips, of the way your thighs had fit around his waist back then, of the sound of his name falling from your lips as he touched himself, trying to drown his moans onto his pillow.
He couldn’t talk to you after that for a couple of days. Too ashamed, too embarrassed, too enamoured with you, he thought you’d be able to see right through him.
But once things got back to normal, they were ruined once more.
Dinah appeared at the worst of times at New Year’s. He was so close to letting you know how he feels, encouraged by your reaction when you ditched your date for him, which was another green light for him at the moment. But Dinah showed up and you were out of there before he even got a chance to explain.
Hoseok had found him then, drinking away his sorrows.
“And the worst of all is, she’s dating Seokjin, which I now realise makes me a big jerk and an awful friend as I keep trying to steal away his girlfriend,” Jimin mumbled before downing the rest of his drink.
Hoseok seemed perplexed but that might have been from the near-alcohol-poisoning he just had before Dr. Ana “nursed” him back to health. “And remind me, how are you sure she’s dating Seokjin? They haven’t told us anything yet…”
Jimin stared into his drink, already sort of tipsy on alcohol and self-pity. “Saw ‘em huggin’...” he mumbled behind the glass. Hoseok had to do a double-take at that.
“What?” Hoseok responded in disbelief. “That’s it? Dude, I do that with Seokjin all the time, that doesn’t mean I’m dating him!”
Jimin sighed in annoyance. “It was more than that okay? There was this feeling to it! I could tell it wasn’t just a simple hug!” Jimin groaned as he rubbed his face with his hand.
Hoseok rolled his eyes at his friend. “Still you can never be sure by just a hug! Have you talked to her?”
“No, I tried to but Dinah came in and she left as soon as she saw her…” Jimin admitted and Hoseok almost laughed out loud at his friend’s idiocy.
“Bro, if that isn’t a sign to talk to her, then I’m not dating the most bomb person in the whole ass world.”
Jimin wasn’t impressed as he cocked an eyebrow at his friend.
Hoseok wasn’t deterred. “I can see you have an objection here and it’s a complete disgrace to Ana’s name, so Imma pound you to logic city later, you limp dick, but right now you need to talk to Y/N!” he concluded as he shoved Jimin out of his stool.
Jimin groaned as he stood up, but as his eyes fell to the bottom of his drink, he realised Hoseok was right. He should’ve talked to you first. Maybe he had misunderstood and there was nothing going on with Seokjin.
And right then as he saw you bumping into Seokjin, he figured it was a great opportunity to find out what was happening between the two of you from both parties involved.
But as his steps got him closer and closer, he saw you kiss him.
He froze. He couldn’t look, couldn’t bear, but still, his eyes stayed glued to the both of you as your arms circled around his neck to press him closer.
Jimin felt like vomiting.
He turned around right then and there and walked away. He needed to get out of there. He gave Dinah a half-assed apology as he also sent her on her merry way and he left for his apartment. He couldn’t even tell Hoseok why he was leaving the party, only announcing his departure and disappearing.
It was the first time in years he spent New Year’s alone.
He hated it.
.
.
{Y/N’s POV}
You’ve done the worst sleep in ages.
You rub your eyes, immediately regretting it when the slightest touch has them stinging from how swollen they are from all the crying.
Right. It wasn’t just a dream.
You drag your feet begrudgingly across the floor to the bathroom to splurge some water on your face, in a futile attempt to calm down your puffy eyes. Before you’re off to the kitchen where Hoseok is currently eating his breakfast cereal.
Once he hears the sound of footsteps, he raises his head, only to see you awkwardly walk in the kitchen, eyes downcast as you go for the fridge.
“Hey,” you hear him say.
With your face facing the inside of the fridge you take a breath, letting the low temperature calm you down.
You knew it was coming. Hoseok definitely listened to everything along with Seokjin. And yet you don’t feel like replying.
Nonetheless, you turn around and acknowledge him with a tilt of your head as you move to have the coffee machine working.
“So… How you feeling?”
The question prompts a humourless chuckle out of you and Hoseok sighs in response.
“I know, that’s a lousy question. I just…” he takes a breath, eyes gentle on you, not at all judgemental as you’d expect them, after what you’ve done yesterday, “I mean I know Jimin’s side of the story, but I never heard yours…” he concludes, letting a soft smile take over his features.
Huh. Your side of the story.
You swallow the lump in your throat, but the words don’t come out. Instead, you resolve to looking down at the floor as your hands grab tightly at your empty cup.
Hoseok, sensing your hesitation, sighs resigned but he doesn’t push you on it.
A moment passes when both of you remain silent until your coffee is ready. You pour the liquid into your cup, almost moaning in relief you don’t have to stay here another second.
But before you get to leave Hoseok speaks up again.
“I know things may look like a mess right now but I’m sure this won’t be the case forever. Jimin… yeah, he’s mad but you're his best friend. He’s gonna change his mind soon…” Hoseok’s gentle words reach you and, oh god, how do you want to believe them.
You turn to look at him and see the hope written in his eyes.
You give him what might have resembled a smile if you weren’t feeling so beat-down.
“You didn’t see the way he looked at me Hobi…” you whisper and Hoseok’s face falls just a bit at how broken you sound.
“Things will change, I’m certain of it,” still he replies, eyes full of determination that make the slightest sliver of hope go through the cracks of your sorrow.
Right then another pair of footsteps echoes as Jimin walks into the kitchen.
His sudden arrival has you both freeze, eyes resting on the newcomer and while Hoseok keeps on looking at Jimin, you’re quick to avert your gaze, the lump in your throat growing.
A second passes where Jimin doesn’t move forward or backwards. Like he isn’t sure if you could be in the same room anymore after yesterday's events. Your heart pangs at the thought.
He coughs awkwardly.
“I didn’t know you were awake, I can come back later-” he begins softly, eyes avoiding yours as well, making the pain grow a little sharper.
“No, it’s okay, I was done anyway…” you interrupt him, hands gripping tightly at your steaming cup as if it is a life board.
And without another word, you’re out of the kitchen.
.
.
{Hoseok’s POV}
A week passes by and it seems there’s no hope for reconciliation on the horizon.
Both of you went the extra miles and rearranged your schedules to avoid each other as much as possible. Jimin spends nearly every night at Dinah’s, barely seeing the others and you spend days locked into your room under the pretence of writing, but really you’re just avoiding everyone.
The rest of the guys don’t know what to do anymore.
It’s a Friday afternoon when Hoseok is over at Ana’s place, the mood in his apartment too heavy to bear and he can’t bear this anymore.
“Babe, I’m back, they didn’t have any vinegar chips so I bought oregano instead. Can you imagine the disgrace?” he shouts as soon as he steps back into the apartment, after a small walk to the seven eleven down the street.
But instead of hearing his girlfriend’s welcoming back, he hears her sigh. Then he sees her walk around the corner from the kitchen with her phone pressed to her ear like she’s in a conference call.
“I still don’t understand why won’t you just tell him!” Ana speaks on the phone, sending a tired wave to her boyfriend who looks at her entirely confused.
Hoseok just takes his shoes off and plops himself on the couch, sensing Ana won’t be done with that phone call anytime soon.
There’s a silence from her side as she listens intently to what the other person is saying. Hoseok decides to open the bag of chips just to keep his hands occupied.
After a while, Ana talks again.
“But what if she doesn’t tell him?” she? First, she mentioned a “him” and now a “she”? Hoseok’s getting more confused by the second.
“And what about Jimin then? Doesn’t he deserve to know the truth?” her voice is stern, like a mother berating her child and a sound of understanding leaves Hoseok’s lips, as he concludes Ana is talking to you.
There’s a small silence from your side, indicating no response to Ana’s question and so she keeps talking.
“And I’m talking about the whole truth Y/N.”
Hoseok’s intrigued. What whole truth?
“I know I was the first person to be against telling him about your feelings but with how poorly you handled the situation, I don’t think you can possibly make anything worse!”
At that, Hoseok’s eyes blow wide open. Feelings?! What feelings?! 
He’s immediately up, approaching Ana with quick steps as she listens to your response. Your voice, even though muffled through the phone, sounds weaker, sadder. Disheartened.
Ana’s words are softer now. “But you’ll never be able to do this. You’ll never be ready but, the truth is, no one ever is. That’s kinda how it goes and that’s okay. But you gotta do it at some point, sooner or later,” she talks to you calmly, Hoseok sensing her sorrow at hearing you like this.
But he can’t shake the feeling that he can somehow help if he finds out what those feelings are.
Ana sighs tiredly as if what she just said didn’t have much of an impact. “Y/N-” but before she gets to respond you hang up.
Ana gasps while staring at her phone. “She just hung up on me, I can’t believe it, how dare?” she says to no one in particular as she rubs her hands on her face tiredly.
“Tough luck?” Hoseok comments wrapping his hands around her waist. Ana welcomes the embrace, her hands winding around his neck as she rests her head on his shoulder.
“She just won’t listen! She’s so infuriatingly stubborn and it’s driving me nuts!” she blows a stray hair out of her face, accidentally tickling Hoseok’s skin in the process and he chuckles.
“Kinda like you then?” he teases as he finally pushes that stray lock behind her ear and she pokes out her tongue at him in retaliation before falling into peaceful tranquillity.
Hoseok hates to disrupt this but he has to ask her what all of those things meant. For the sake of Jimin.
“Hey, babe…” he begins and Ana hums in acknowledgement.
“When you talked about Y/N’s feelings…” he feels her stiffen in his embrace but nonetheless he carries on, “... what did you mean?”
Ana takes a breath. “I guess there’s no point in not telling you now…” she speaks softly before taking another breath, one Hoseok holds until he hears her answer.
“Y/N… she likes Jimin. Well I mean that’s what she says anyway. I think it’s way more than that…” Ana admits sadly but Hoseok’s mind goes into overdrive.
“Are you serious…?” he asks in what can be perceived as a calm demeanour but in reality, his head is about to explode.
Ana chuckles calmly, still in Hoseok’s embrace. “I know right?”
Oh my god, they’re both idiots, he thinks. But he has to do something now.
“Oh god, those giant baboons!” he almost yells, making Ana flinch and take a step back to look at him perplexed.
“Hoseok…?”
He laughs incredulously as he takes a step back, trying to process the situation.
“For how long?” he asks and Ana looks more weirded out by the second.
“Two months, give or take?” Ana responds with narrowed eyes.
Hoseok chuckles. “That’s…” when Jimin started going out with Dinah, of course, it all makes sense!
“Seriously our friends are the worst idiots ever!” he complains once more.
“Okay, now do you mind telling me what’s going on?” she retaliates, getting irritated with her boyfriend and his tendency of not explaining anything for the dramatics.
“Jimin likes her back!” he shouts out loud, the magnificence of what he found out too overwhelming to bear.
Ana’s eyes widen. “What? How can that be? What about Dinah?”
Hoseok narrows his eyes at her. “He began dating her again after that one night stand that only happened because he saw Y/N hugging Seokj- Wait! What about Seokjin?”
Ana seems confused. “What about Seokjin?”
“Isn’t Y/N dating him?”
Ana almost bursts out in giggles. “What? No! Of course not! Why would you think that?”
“Cause of the hug!”
“So what, a simple hug means automatically they’re dating each other?”
“Well, we all know Y/N hates hugs, plus she had a crush on him so it would be believable- Wait, that’s not the point. So Y/N isn’t dating Seokjin?”
“Nope. Never did,” Ana concludes as both of them fall into the same realization.
“So Jimin did all that stuff…” Ana begins, not quite believing the absurdity of the situation.
“...Because he thought Seokjin was dating Y/N,” Hoseok admits tiredly.
“We gotta tell Jimin,” Ana grabs her phone to punch in his number before Hoseok stops her.
“Wait…” he stares at the phone, the cogs in his mind whirling before his eyes light up.
“I got a better idea.”
.
.
{Jimin’s POV}
Sweat still drips down his forehead as Jimin bids goodbye to his students, after the end of his contemporary class. He reaches for his water bottle and heads for the teachers’ lounge where his stuff is before he gets to his last class.
He wipes his forehead with the back of his hand before pressing the now lukewarm bottle on the nape of his neck, to get some sort of relief.
Once again, his focus wasn’t entirely on the class. It has been like that ever since your fight, but at least it started getting better as time passed. Still not at its best though.
He finds himself feeling guilty more than he thought he would. Guilty towards you, towards Dinah. It’s a mess.
Admittedly, he was really mad at you but as he got to think it over, he realised he acted too rashly in cutting you off. And he misses you already.
But the thing is… you haven't made a move to reconcile either. That could be because you’re afraid of him pushing you away again. But shouldn't you make the first step? If you did, Jimin is sure he would forgive you on the spot.
He shakes his head tiredly as he enters the teachers’ lounge and reaches for his backpack. Everything’s a mess.
And then there’s Dinah. Dinah who’s changed, who’s kind and understanding. Dinah who he strings along and who’s possibly already aware of Jimin’s use of her as a distraction. They both know that, even though Dinah’s changed and everything’s seemingly fine, the relationship is doomed this time around as well.
Although this time it’s Jimin’s fault.
He needs to come clean to her. He has to end this.
Right then his phone begins ringing.
Once he sees the contact name, he’s a little less willing to answer it.
“What do you want?” is his response once he picks up and there’s an awkward chuckle at the other end before the caller finally replies.
“Whoa, okay, forward, can’t you buy me a drink first, champ?” Seokjin tries to make the tension disappear unsuccessfully, resulting in Jimin not even answering that particular quip.
He hears Seokjin sigh on the other side, before “Anyway, can’t I just call my friend to see how he’s doing? It’s been a while since the last time we talked…” the other man admits cautiously and Jimin’s defensiveness slowly ebbs away to give place to additional guilt. He’s the one blowing off all his friends because he wants space. Or more precisely, he thinks, because he’s a coward, too afraid to really deal with the situation, so instead picking the easy way out, at the expense of his friends.
He rubs his face with his hands, before letting out a breath. “Yeah, I know, things have been kind of…” Jimin trails off but Seokjin hums, as if he understands what Jimin means without him having to say it out loud.
“Yeah…” Seokjin agrees quietly and Jimin feels more horrible as time goes by. When did he begin to feel such animosity towards his friend? They used to be really close ever since they worked together at the same shift, and now Jimin can barely be in the same room as him. It’s not Seokjin’s fault in any way and the truth is Jimin’s animosity arises not towards Seokjin but more towards himself.
He has stuff he needs to work on.
“Actually, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about…” comes Seokjin’s response that has Jimin sitting up straight in his seat, terrified of what his friend wants to talk to him about.
And it seems his fears were not unjustified.
“How long have you liked Y/N?”
There it is.
Jimin takes a breath, panic trying to take over him but he wills it to go away and answer his friend. Even if he’s terrified to do so.
“I…” he begins, audible shakiness colouring his voice, “... how do you know?”
Seokjin doesn’t hesitate to answer. “Hoseok told me…”
Jimin takes another breath, one full of guilt.
“Look, I… I’m sorry, I didn't mean for it to happen, it just did! And I know it’s awful of me to have done this but, yeah, for some time I had thought of acting on it. But now that I know for certain you’re together, I wouldn’t even dream of-”
“First of all, Y/N and I are not together.” Seokjin interrupts the babbling idiot and Jimin stops mid-sentence.
He blinks, uncertain. “I… what?”
Seokjin sighs with a chuckle. “Y/N and I aren’t dating,” he repeats.
Jimin opens his mouth like a fish, in complete and utter shock. “But… but I saw you…” he states full of doubt, almost like a question.
He can almost hear Seokjin raising his eyebrow. “You saw us doing what?”
The lump in his throat doesn’t make this any easier. “I saw you kissing a-a-aand-and hugging!” he retaliates, trying to support his reasoning.
Seokjin sighs once more, the gesture coming off him naturally by now. “Okay, she kissed me because she wanted to avoid a dude she ghosted, I had little to no say in this!” Seokjin responds in a typical Seokjin fashion.
But Jimin has more questions. “A dude she ghosted?”
“Yeah, she was supposed to go on a date with this guy in my restaurant but blew him off for some reason…”
Wait.
“When was this?” Jimin asks, eager but nervous to find out the answer.
“A couple of days before Christmas.”
So that wasn’t a date with Seokjin but just a rando?
God, Jimin has fucked up big time.
“And what about the hug?” he asks for the last time, to make sure he resolves any misunderstanding.
“What hug? Oh, you mean on my birthday? Dude, that was just her coming clean about her past crush on me and us moving past this like a couple of adults.”
Jimin’s throat constricts uncomfortably but in unbelievable hope. “Past crush?”
Seokjin’s smile is nearly audible. “Yeah, “past”. Know why? Because she has feelings for someone else.”
And just as easily as Seokjin has given him hope, he just as easily rips it away.
“Oh…?” Jimin barely manages to utter, voice almost breaking alongside his heart. “Who?”
Seokjin groans on the other side, taking Jimin wholly by surprise by the irritated tone in the older man’s voice. “Oh my god, you really are both idiots,” he says almost to himself, “You, you soggy tit! Do you really think she did all that to Dinah simply because she didn’t like her? No, she was fucking jealous!” Seokjin concludes, voice rushed and angry to berate his friend and finally put an end to this huge mess.
But Jimin hears only one word.
You.
She has feelings for you.
The girl he’s been in love with for nearly a year now, if not more, has feelings for him. Reciprocated feelings.
Is this real? Is this a fucking dream from which he’ll wake up in the morning, feeling shittier than ever?
But Seokjin said she was jealous. Jealous.
“She- She was? Seokjin, just…” he stops himself to take a calming breath, refusing to believe this just yet, “Please, don’t joke about this, I’m not gonna laugh,” he warns his friend. He can’t bear to have his heart messed with any more than it already has been.
“Does it sound like I’m joking? Believe me, I wouldn’t, we’re all too invested in your shit, it’s not healthy.”
Jimin can’t believe this. He wants to, desperately, but what if it’s not real? What then?
“I…” he swallows his nerves, “She really has feelings for me?” he asks, not unlike a hopeful child. God, his heart is about to burst.
“Yeah, buddy, I know it’s hard to believe when I exist!” Seokjin tries to lighten up the mood with a joke.
Jimin doesn’t laugh.
“...Too soon? Sorry, anyway, I thought you should also know Y/N really feels awful for everything and if there’s one thing that can confirm that, is the fact she apologized to Dinah,” Seokjin concludes carefully.
Jimin doesn’t know how to respond.
“But if you don’t believe me… Ask Y/N herself.”
But he knows what to do.
.
.
{Y/N’s POV}
You’re washing the dishes, alone at home for another hour at the very least as Jimin’s classes end in one hour.
Should you go to Ana’s? Ugh, but Hoseok is there.
Maybe you should just hole yourself up in your room for the scarce time Jimin will be here before he’s off to Dinah’s.
Which reminds you of earlier today.
In Dinah’s defence, she handled your apology quite gracefully, in contrast with you. You were a babbling mess, trying to put your thoughts into place and at first, she was suspicious of you, but once your visit made sense, she seemed to understand. Something even you couldn’t at times.
She accepted your apology with a calm smile, confusing you even more as she said she appreciated your effort to put all of this behind you.
You were glad she seemed to not hold it against you although, honestly… you don’t think you deserve it.
You have no idea if she’s planning on telling Jimin or not and quite frankly you’re terrified of what he’ll say if he finds out.
Once you’re done with the dishes and close the tap, you hear the front door open and close, assuming it’s Hoseok back from Ana’s.
“Hobi, is that you?” you ask before turning around, only to almost choke on your own breath when you see Jimin instead.
He’s standing just in front of the door, not going forwards or backwards, as his eyes stare at you. Serious, careful but calm. No anger residing in them. Just awkwardness as he seems to not know what to do with himself, as he simply rests in place and somehow a tiny drop of hope begins to bloom.
“I… Don’t you have classes?” is the first thing you manage to get out of your mouth and he takes a breath.
“I had to get out early…” he responds and you can’t help but focus on the “had to”. Did Dinah talk to him after all?
“...Why?” is your careful question, when in reality your mind is in a state of disarray. Is this a good sign? A bad one? Is he here to restore your friendship to what it used to be or finally cut ties with you and move out?
Your mind is gonna short-circuit.
“I…” he begins, eyes falling to the floor. Then he takes another breath. “I had to talk to you,” he says.
Oh god. This is it. You’re done.
Your throat closes up as you blink quickly trying to stop your eyes from welling up. Damnit, you already cried so much about this, you shouldn’t have any more tears left!
He takes a tentative step forward, eyes finding yours once again. But they look… soft, tender. Apologetic.
“I… I’m sorry. For the way I acted,” he breathes out and your eyes widen, having to do a double-take to make sure you heard right. “I was too harsh on you, basically taking out my nerves on you and even though what you did was awful, I shouldn’t have taken such drastic measures. I took it too far by saying we shouldn’t be friends and I’d like to take it back if you want to…” he concludes, observing you cautiously.
You’re left staring at him like a deer caught in headlights. Is he serious? Did he just apologize to you like he was the one at fault?
“Jimin, oh my god, you shouldn’t have to apologize, I should!” you rush to say, instinctively grabbing his hands to soothe him, completely missing the taken aback turned loving look in his eyes.
“I acted way out of line and truth be told I think I needed that as a wake-up call. You were right, what kind of friend am I if I don’t try to get along with the girl you’re dating?” you continue, too self-conscious to be able to look Jimin in the eye, instead staring at your joined hands with a new kind joy.
You got your best friend back. And if keeping him means you have to bury your feelings for him, then you’ll do it. For real this time. Whatever it takes to not lose him again.
Jimin chuckles in response. “Used to date,” he corrects you.
This time though you can’t help it when your eyes snap back at him. “What? What do you mean?”
Where you expected to be a sorrowful expression, there is none. Instead, Jimin is looking at you with a soft smile, a serene one, one that matches the peace in his eyes. “We broke up,” he says and you can’t find the proper words to react to this.
“Oh… H-how so?” you say instead, unwillingly holding your breath.
Jimin’s eyes rest on your face for a moment, that damned smile still gracing his lips, before his eyes fall to your hands. “I guess you helped me realise some things with what you did,” is his cryptic response.
But before you get to question his answer his eyes turn stern, with a note of mischief hiding in their corners. “That does not mean what you did was okay, though,” he says, pointing his finger at you like a teacher disciplining a child and you chuckle at his attempt of lightening up the mood.
“Believe me, I know. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive myself…” you respond, rubbing a hand awkwardly at the base of your neck, still awfully aware of your other hand still connected to Jimin’s.
“Well…” he says quietly, his eyes on your joined hands, “Good thing I did then…” he mutters, his thumb running over the back of your palm soothingly and once your eyes meet his, you know you’ll be okay.
.
.
After that talk with Jimin, -that ended with the both of you watching Space Jam and cuddling to sleep-, everything is once again back to normal. The past week has been amazing compared to the one before it. You find yourself smiling all the time as your friendship with Jimin is back to its prime, laughter and joy returning to your shared apartment.
Your group returns back to its routine, hanging out together in front of the TV, roasting Hoseok for his abundant sexual energy, you know, the usual.
And yet you feel like something’s changed. More particularly, with Jimin.
You catch his eyes on you more than once, more than what could be considered normal but ever since you made up the two of you haven’t been left alone once. The guys are always around and, really, it’s not like you don’t want them to be but there’s always something hanging from Jimin’s mouth, something he wants to say but never does due to their presence. It’s slightly unnerving, reminding you of that night outside your bedrooms when he wanted to say something but didn't.
You can’t tell if it’s good or bad. All you know is suddenly your knees shake when he looks at you for too long and you have goosebumps whenever his skin touches yours.
So that’s why tonight you chose to sit on the lone armchair as he sits next to Hoseok on the big couch and Ana is placed next to Seokjin on the small one.
Somehow the conversation managed to go on that New Year’s party and Seokjin ended up spilling about your kiss.
“You said “we take this to the grave”!” you respond with a low voice, trying to mimic him unsuccessfully as Ana and Hoseok stare at you with eyes wide as saucers. Jimin, for some reason, looks unresponsive to the news yet he laughs at your bad impression of Seokjin.
Seokjin at least has the decency to look guilty as Ana’s scandalized eyes turn to you. “You kissed?!”
You raise your hands in defence, for some reason avoiding to look over at Jimin. “I didn’t do it on purpose! Well… I kinda did but not with the motive you’d assume,” you rush to explain, though Ana is less than satisfied.
“Oh then with what motive? Please amuse me, hoe,” she responds, crossing her hands on her chest and you huff out in annoyance.
Seokjin answers her. “Well, obviously, she wanted a piece of all that. I’m pretty irresistible to all humankind,” he jokes lightly and you suppress a snort.
“Yeah, no, this ain’t it, chief,” you rush to say, suddenly nervous, not wanting anyone to think you’re still into Seokjin.
Actually, replace “anyone” with just “Jimin”.
Seokjin gasps in offence. “What in the world do you even mean?! You’re lucky I kissed you and not just because you got rid of that dude! I’m a pretty good kisser, no scratch that, I’m an excellent kisser, a connoisseur of kissing if you will!”
“I think I won’t be able to kiss anyone after that…” Hoseok responds which makes Seokjin gasp once more before he looks over at you.
“Y/N, tell them the truth. How my kissing is so utterly magnificent, it could end world hunger!” he says before actually hearing what he just said then deciding against it, “Nope, can’t do that, sorry, that’s on me.”
You chuckle at his antics, although a bit reluctant to actually reveal the truth.
“Actually…” you start.
Another gasp resonates. “Don’t “actually” me! Just tell them!”
You turn to the other guys with a roll of your eyes.
“Look, it’s not like you were a bad kisser per se. It’s just that it was a bit… lackluster?” you finish, almost afraid to see Seokjin’s reaction to the reveal.
Jimin suppresses a chuckle, Hoseok oohs from the side and Ana’s eyes widen in surprise.
Seokjin looks at you with disbelief.
“Lackluster?”
You rush to make amends. “I mean it’s okay given I took you by surprise, but due to that crush I used to have on you, I had this notion of a kiss full of passion. And that one just… didn’t have it.” 
Seokjin pouts angrily at you before crossing his arms on his chest as Ana pats his shoulder soothingly. “I can’t believe you just said my kiss didn’t have any passion.”
You shrug. “Well, it didn’t,” you say as a matter of a fact before Ana jumps into the conversation.
“It’s probably a good thing your kiss didn’t have any passion, it just means your friends. No chemistry there so don’t beat yourself up too much, champ,” she says with an affectionate pinch on Seokjin’s cheek, who ponders on her input.
“Yeah, Ana is right!” you rush to agree. “It’s because we’re just friends! When you find someone you really like, believe me, it’ll be nothing like that,” you go off track a bit as certain memories reappear. “It’ll be full of passion and yearning and not getting enough of each other, you’re not sure if you can go on without kissing them!”
And somehow by the end of that, your eyes fall on Jimin’s and stay there.
Because he stares back.
“Okay, I think we heard enough about Seokjin’s kissing techniques,” Ana comments, breaking the spell and your eyes fall to your lap, fire residing in your cheeks.
“I just have one last comment on what I think Seokjin could’ve used but didn’t cause he’s a wuss,” Hoseok jumps in.
“Tongue.”
A round of gagging noises is heard around the apartment.
.
.
The hours pass by smoothly and soon everyone’s getting sleepy. Seokjin leaves early, having to go to the restaurant first thing in the morning, leaving the rest of you to clean up.
Once again Jimin picks up the trash with Ana as Hoseok helps you do the dishes. The apartment falls into a comfortable silence with the occasional chatter between the four of you while you clean up. Hoseok is to sleepover at Ana’s so when you’re all done the couple bids you goodbye, heading to Ana’s apartment.
Leaving you and Jimin totally alone.
Which is something that shouldn’t scare you but for some reason your nerves are going through the roof.
“Are you done with the kitchen?” Jimin asks from the living room, where he’s rearranging the pillows on the couch.
“Yeap! Just finished!” you call back, your voice a bit higher than usual and you cringe internally before clearing your throat.
“Good, I’m going to bed then,” he responds as you walk out of the kitchen.
“I’ll walk with you,” you respond with a smile, following him into the corridor.
You walk in comfortable silence, but still, you find yourself getting nervous as you walk side by side. It doesn’t make any sense.
Once you reach your bedrooms, both of you turn around to face each other, seemingly unwilling to depart just yet. Jimin looks at you with a soft smile as you grab at the opportunity to talk to him.
“Jimin, I just… I’m really happy we got past that and again I’m sorry for the trouble I’ve caused,” you say in what seems like the hundredth apology this week.
Jimin’s smile grows fonder as he shakes his head gently. “I told you, you should stop apologizing, I’m no longer mad at you,” is his quiet reply as he tilts his head, his eyes staring at you in a way it makes your heart race.
“I know I just… That week we spent not talking to each other was the worst week of my life and I…” you pause searching for the right words, but no words could ever describe the magnificence of what you’re feeling right now, the desperation of wanting to have him in your life. So you simply stare at him, out of breath, hoping he gets it.
His smile is one of the best things you’ve ever seen and you know he does.
You smile back. “Anyway, I’ve gotten too sentimental…” you chuckle, clearing your voice to sound more collected.
Jimin giggles softly. “Happens to the best of us…” he responds gently and you have to remind yourself to not stare. Even if he does and it makes you feel out of breath.
You nod with a smile. “Well…” you respond nervously, yearning for the moment you’re alone in your room, free of all this tension. “Goodnight,” you say simply, turning around to get to your door.
But a hand wraps itself around your wrist, turning you around suddenly. Your hands naturally fall to Jimin’s chest as his palms wrap around your waist and hair as his lips fall fervently on yours.
Your mind goes into overdrive and you can only kiss him back.
His plump lips wrap around your own softly but with an intense sense of urgency, a soft gasp falling from your lips as your hands are quick into grabbing his shirt to pull him unbelievably closer. You respond with just as much hunger, letting your mouth move fervently against his own, pushing more and more against him, aiding his hand that’s tangled in your hair, gripping the locks as if he can’t get enough. Then both of his palms are on the small of your back, holding you close as if fearing you’ll leave. But you never do and that makes him press more against you until your back hits the wall next to your door.
The impact makes Jimin lean back just enough to stop the kiss, but his eyes still remain glued to the image of your swollen lips, as you almost lean after his own.
Your heavy breaths mingle in the otherwise quiet corridor, his hands still on your waist, yours still on his open shirt as you try to wrap your mind around what just happened.
“Did you mean something like that?” comes out his gruff, deep voice that sends a shiver down your spine.
His question brings you back to the earlier conversation about a perfect kiss and you can’t control your breathing any more than your beating heart.
You nod quickly, eyes still on his lips. “Yes,” is your breathless answer.
Jimin’s still breathing heavily as his eyes land once again on your lips.
“Good.”
And then he’s kissing you again.
And, fuck, you can’t get enough.
Your palms land on his neck as you stand on your toes to reach him better and his hands wrap around your waist to keep you in place.
Fuck, you’re kissing him. You’re kissing him and he’s kissing you back. As if he’s a man starved of your kiss and he needs anything you can give him.
But then he stops again and you almost groan out loud.
“You need to stop doing that…” you exhale with an affected chuckle and he chuckles as well.
“I just… I need to talk to you before anything else happens….” he whispers and even though you know he wouldn’t do anything to hurt you, you can’t help but feel a pang of fear in your chest.
“I…” he says, eyes dazedly looking at your face before he takes an encouraging breath.
“I want you to know that this isn’t like last time. It’s more, it means more, I-” he stops once more, voice trembling as he refuses to look anywhere else but you.
His words give you hope but for the first time in weeks, you welcome that hope. You welcome that glorious feeling to settle deep in your chest because you recognize that warm glint deep in his eyes.
“I’m in love with you,” he reveals and you swear your heart will burst. There’s moisture in your eyes but you will it to go away.
“You are…?” you ask with a small voice and Jimin smiles at you, all happiness and comfort. There’s a fuzzy feeling in the middle of your chest and at this moment nothing makes any more sense than you two.
“Yes. And I spent the past year trying to run from it…” he admits carefully as he slightly crouches down to meet your eyes.
“I’m not running anymore…” he concludes, a spark in his eyes and you’ve never seen him more sure for anything in his life.
There’s a whirlwind of emotions in you. Relief, hope, undeniable joy. It makes your throat close and for a few seconds, you can’t answer him. You only stare back and hope he understands like so many times before.
“I-” you manage to choke out with a weak voice but he’s quick to shush you, before kissing the inside of your palm.
“I know…” he responds softly, still holding onto your palm as his eyes find yours. You can’t look away, couldn’t if you wanted to.
And then you can’t stop smiling, and he’s smiling back and before you know it you’re kissing again.
Happiness rolls like a current between, from all the places your bodies touch, you can’t contain it so you keep on kissing fervidly, hands touching whenever they can, mouths moving in tandem like it’s natural. Like it’s the way it’s supposed to be.
“God, I have so much I want to tell you…” he whispers against your lips before he’s diving back in, tongue reaching out to meet yours.
“Me too…” you reply after a few seconds, pushing him closer as your fingers tangle in his hair. “But not now…” you whisper sternly, pushing your chest against him, needing to feel more of him.
He curses under his breath, the sound sinful, licking his lips before he’s kissing you again and his hands fall lower down your back to rest over the swell of your ass.
You moan in appreciation when his hands grab at the tender flesh, making you arch out so he has better leverage. There’s a throbbing between your legs and you resist grinding on him just yet, to drag it out as long as you can.
Jimin’s lips move down the column of your throat as his body cages you against the wall, hands keeping your hips still as he wedges one leg between yours, so his thigh can press upright against your mound.
You moan again when he leaves a particularly deep hickey on your skin and your hips instinctively roll against his thigh, your hands holding on to his back afraid you might fall.
He chuckles darkly against your skin. “Still into thighs I see…” he mumbles before biting softly at your earlobe, a shiver running down your spine.
You bite your lip before, “Correction, still into your thighs…” you admit as you roll your hips slowly on top of his thigh, starting to feel that delicious warmth building up in your stomach, making you feel dizzy.
Jimin almost bucks into you with a low moan, as his hands are certain to leave marks on your hips as he struggles to remain sane.
“Fuck… Although I’m really tempted to just fuck you here, we should probably move…” he murmurs between kisses to your collarbone and you have half a sane mind to agree. The other half is already picturing him doing it either way.
But before you get to move, his arms are quicker, lunging under your thighs and you instinctively wrap them around his waist with a surprised yelp. His palms are resting right on top of your ass, subconsciously pushing you closer, making your insides burn in anticipation.
There’s a smirk on his lips as he licks them, eyes roaming your face to make sure you don’t have second doubts. Although your eyes are glued to the movement of his wet tongue.
When he realises this, he’s quick to move towards his room as you choose now as the perfect moment to lick and suck bruises on his neck, not able to deny yourself any longer.
“Shit… Y/N, if you keep this up I’m gonna drop you…” he mumbles with a stern but clearly-affected voice and you smile in victory before softly biting at his skin, savouring his taste on your tongue.
He kicks his door open before he carefully lays you on his bed, lips immediately after your own as you reach for his neck to desperately press more of him against you.
Your palms move down his chest, grabbing the edges of his flannel to push it off his shoulders, leaving him in his T-shirt and jeans.
“Why are you wearing so many clothes…?” you ask breathlessly, immediately reconnecting your lips like a woman starved and Jimin chuckles, grabbing the hem of your T-shirt instead and pushing it upwards. You sigh in relief as soon as your heated skin is free, yearning to feel more of his skin against yours.
“Just trying to keep myself warm,” he comments rushedly as he discards the piece of clothing somewhere behind him and his eyes fall to your covered breasts. He curses, lowering his face to kiss down your collarbones until his lips reach the bare top of your tits. His mouth leaves a wet trail behind that’s making you gasp as your thighs rub together to gain some relief.
Jimin notices and chuckles darkly before biting your bottom lip. “You want any help there?” he teases and you groan out loud with a pout.
“Yes, but please take your clothes off a little bit faster. It’s making my dick soft,” you whine, bucking your hips towards him.
He pins them down between his own legs, forcing them to stay still. His fingers toy with the waistband of your leggings as your breaths turn heavier while only looking at his eyes.
“Aw, so I won’t have my ass rawed by your dick? Such a shame baby…” he teases once more with a sinful smirk and the last word has your eyes rolling back into your head.
“Fuck, say that again…” you murmur, arching your chest upwards as you feel moisture gather between your legs, just by the single mention of a nickname.
Jimin laughs out loud as he moves to get your leggings off and you’re quick to aid him. “Is this really what turns you on?” he comments playfully as he leans in, lips kissing the underside of your jaw.
“No, I meant…” you stop, suddenly self-conscious, “... the other part…” you mumble quietly, turning your face to the side, knowing a deep red has taken over your cheeks. It’s not simply about the nickname or the tenderness in his voice as he said it. It’s about what it represents, what you already heard from his lips but you simply can’t have enough of. It makes everything real.
Jimin regards you for a second before, “What? Baby?” he asks, rather innocently and yet you still can’t look at him, too embarrassed as you nod.
Jimin’s eyes turn softer as he bites his lip to contain his smile. Fuck, he’s so in love.
He moves to press a tender kiss to your jaw. “Baby,” he repeats slowly, before resting his lips on your collarbones and you sigh in content. “Baby…” he says again, leaving a kiss in the valley between your breasts, making your breath hitch. “Baby…” he moves lower, dragging his plump lips down your torso as your breaths quicken, the sound of the nickname having your heart making somersaults.
“Baby…” he whispers lowly one last time, the tone completely different, darker, more promising. His eyes rest on you as his face now lays above your panties. Then his hands are hooking behind the waistband, dragging the material down your legs and he bites his lips at the sight of your glistening folds.
“God, I wanna taste you so bad…” he says almost to himself and before you get to react, he hooks your legs on top of his shoulders and his tongue lands with kittenish licks on your clit.
An involuntary groan escapes you, bucking your hips into his mouth for more. And yet he maintains his pace, sending waves of pleasure up your body but never enough to get you where you want to. You can’t help the movement of your hips as you crave for more friction, his movements delicious but never enough. Jimin pins your hips down, tsking you before he presses a kiss at the junction between your thigh and cunt.
“You’ll get what you want, baby, all in due time…” he says sternly, his voice low, sending shivers down your spine as his mouth returns to your clit, and you bite your lip to drown your moan.
Though now, he leaves aside the kittenish lick to wrap his mouth around the swollen nub and suck it between his lips.
A loud moan breaks free from your lips, heavy pants resonating as his plush lips envelop your clit, finally giving you more, moving expertly against your folds and your hands find purchase on Jimin’s locks to press him more against you.
He lets you do as you please while one of his hands travels up your torso, pushing your bra’s cups down to toy with one of your nipples.
The added pleasure has you cry his name in ecstasy, losing all control of your hips as they move against Jimin’s face, as if they have a mind of their own, chasing after your high like a madwoman.
And as one hand tugs at your erect nipples, the other finds this chance to move down your body and trace around your entrance, making your pussy clench in anticipation. Before finally pushing two digits inside your velvety walls.
“Jimin!” you almost sob, your hips furiously chasing after your high as you feel the warmth building up more and more inside your stomach. 
His fingers keep thrusting inside you, slowly at first to let you get used to the intrusion, before he picks up the pace, moving them quickly, roughly inside you. Knuckles deep as his fingertips find that little soft spot inside your walls that has your eyes roll to the back of your head.
And when you open your eyes and see Jimin staring you back with darkness and lust in his own from between your legs, the band snaps.
You come with a loud moan, riding your orgasm against Jimin’s tongue, as the pleasure seems too much, too intense. But then the feeling starts to fade away and Jimin lets you relax as he leaves butterfly kisses against your thighs.
You try to catch your breath as Jimin’s kisses move upwards, up your stomach, to your breasts until he’s kissing you again. Your hands move to wrap around his neck, never having quite enough of him.
“This is not fair, you know…” you chastise him playfully, kissing his underjaw when a quiet moan rolls from his tongue.
“What’s not fair?” he asks, trying to keep up with the conversation but judging by the way his hip rut against you, you know he’s struggling.
“The fact I’m completely naked while you still have your clothes on…” you observe with a cock of your eyebrow and a smirk grazes his lips as his finger tugs at the elastic of your bra and lets it snap against your skin.
“Ah but you’re not completely naked…” he teases against your lips as his fingers move down your body in a sensual caress.
But being you, you take that as a challenge. So you push him slightly away just so you can move your hands behind your back and unclasp your bra with one movement.
Jimin’s eyes go wide as you flick the undergarment across the room, swallowing heavily before his eyes return to your bare chest.
“Now I am…” is your witty retort as you subtly arch your back just so he can have a better view. He stands there staring at you for a few seconds before he curses and moves quickly to get rid of his clothes.
You giggle at his impatience when he ends up stuck in his T-shirt, sporting an adorable pout. “Easy, baby, I’m not going anywhere…” you joke, sitting up to help him take off his t-shirt with a soft smile, one he reciprocates as he moves to unbuckle his pants.
“Well, it wasn’t me getting too impatient to- Wait…” he stops mid-sentence after taking his pants off. A spark of realization has entered his eyes before he turns to you to meet you with a teasing smile.
“Did you just call me baby?”
Your eyes widen in shock as a blush creeps into your cheeks and with a scoff you lightly shove him for daring to make fun of you.
“Y-you said it first, genius!” you try to justify yourself with a frown, but Jimin’s smirk only grows as he pushes aside his pants and crawls towards you.
“Yeah, but I’m not the one that spent more than half her life refusing to call her partners that because it’s cheesy…” he comments playfully as he traps you beneath his body once more.
“Even if the rule never applied to her…” he smiles teasingly at you, brushing his lips softly against your pout, reminding you that even if you never called your partners “baby”, you never stopped them from calling you that.
You purse your lips together as you look at your fidgeting hands, too embarrassed to look him in the eye. “Well…” you begin, swallowing the lump in your throat, “...you’re different…” you mumble quietly, not really ready to look at him even if you know he feels the same.
That has him halting, and as he sees you too uncomfortable to go on, he doesn’t say anything else. He presses a soft kiss to your knee instead, wishing to convey everything he feels as well through that small kiss.
The movement of his lips on your skin is so tender that has your heart flutter and, while he looks back at you, his smile puts your embarrassment to rest. Because he’s here for you because he feels the same.
“I know it comes a little late but… Can I kiss you?” he asks softly, eyes stuck on your face, tracing your features as if he hasn’t really seen you before, not until now.
The question has your heartbeat quicken even though it’s completely unnecessary. Though your lips stretch out in a smile as you nod.
Jimin leans closer, eyes on your lips as if he’s under some spell. You suppose it’s the same you’re under.
You let his lips envelop yours gently, hands tangling in his hair as you both find yourselves moving back until you’re lying down with Jimin on top of you.
Your hands are greedy to explore his body, even though you’ve done so before. Though that time you’re main motive was to get off, so now gives you the perfect opportunity to get reacquainted with his body, to map out every little detail to memory, until he’s the only thing you see.
His lips move lower to kiss and bite at the column of your throat, eliciting the sweetest moan from your lips that sound like music to Jimin’s ears.
Your breaths get quicker, hands moving recklessly to get rid of the remaining piece of fabric that separates you. Jimin rushes to help you, throwing away his boxers, now standing in his complete naked glory.
There’s nothing else to say, not really when a single look can convey everything you feel without unnecessary words. And the way Jimin looks at you right now makes you feel like you’re in heaven. Like you’re cared for, safe and content right here in his arms.
His hand brushes a lock behind your ear and the motion is so tender, loving, it makes your heart skip a beat.
“Are you ready?” he whispers softly, eyes gentle, ready to back off if you say so, reminding you of yet another reason you’re so helplessly in love with him.
You simply nod, too afraid to talk but your smile is all it takes for Jimin to go forward.
He grabs the base of his shaft, eyes glued at that spot between your legs with anticipation. He moves forward, guiding his tip through your folds, going slowly in case it’s painful but the look of pure bliss on your face and the way your walls welcome his cock has him losing control and going the rest of the way in with a deep thrust.
Your nails claw into the skin of his back with a loud cry while Jimin breathes deeply against the skin of your neck, making goosebumps rise on your skin.
“Fuck, I-...” he exhales, lost in the feeling of your pussy wrapping around him like a grip. “... You okay?” he says breathless, eyes searching yours for anything that’s not okay.
A breathless chuckle escapes you as you press your lips on his jawline. “More than okay. But please move.”
“Oh, thank god….” he mumbles before pulling out and thrusting in again. His movements are slow, yet the perfect pace to help you build up slowly but surely towards a second high.
Jimin rolls his hips with the expertise only a dancer could possess, driving his cock deeper and deeper with each roll, hitting that spot again and you can’t help but close your eyes to savour this feeling.
Shallow breaths leave you as his pubic bone brushes against your clit with each motion, driving you crazy.
“Ugh, you feel… mm’ so good…” he mumbles between thrusts, letting his lips land on your breasts, to suck lovebites on your skin.
“Jimin, fuck…!” you cry out, high-pitched moans escaping you as your hands go to his ass, coaxing him to drive his cock even deeper.
He growls from above your chest before you feel his palm cupping your cheek. “Open your eyes for me, love…” he mumbles quietly and you have no choice but to comply.
Opening your eyes, you’re met with Jimin’s piercing ones, staring at you intensely, burning with unspoken feelings that are too easy to recognize. After all, you feel them too.
You move to the side to kiss the inside of his palm before you smile at him.
He smiles back fondly at you before his hands move to lace his fingers with yours at each side.
“Keep your eyes on me, love…” he whispers before moving again.
This time around, his pace is slightly quicker, his cock hitting your sweet spot with renewed vigour and yet you can only concentrate on his eyes. His eyes that stare at you with such fondness and love it makes your eyes water.
You see the frown on his face before he stops moving in concern, yet you push your heels on his ass to keep him going.
“No, it’s okay, I’m okay, keep going…” you say, almost choking with the emotions overwhelming you. “It’s just that… I can’t believe I’m so lucky…” you admit softly, an unbelievable chuckle escaping you as you stare at him with what you hope he sees as undeniable adoration.
He smiles at you again, -you think you’ll never get tired of that smile-, before he leans in to kiss away the stray tear that flowed free from your eyes.
He picks up the pace once more, resting his forehead on top of yours, as shallow moans roll off your tongue. Your high keeps approaching, you can feel it and still you’re only focused on his eyes. Soft grunts escape him as he drives his hips into you, getting closer to his high as well, his hands grasping yours as if they’re a lifeboat.
He brushes his lips gently against yours before “I love you…” he mutters against you and you think your heart is gonna burst.
You press another kiss on his lips before, “I love you too.”
And then you don’t say anything else as your high approaches and after a few more thrusts you both come entangled in one another, each other’s names on your lips.
You lay like this for a few moments, with Jimin’s body on top of yours as both of you struggle to catch your breaths. Then your eyes find each other again and everything seems so clear, so right.
You can’t stop smiling at each other like lovesick fools as you fall asleep next to each other, at last content.
.
.
When Jimin wakes up the next morning he thinks it was all a dream.
But as his eyes rest on your peaceful sleeping form he knows he could never dream something as perfect as this.
He can’t help the lovesick smile taking over his lips as he looks at you through sleep-ridden eyes. He shuffles closer, resting his face on his hands to get a better look while you sleep soundly next to him. He feels like he can never get enough of you. Not now, not ever.
Suddenly your body begins moving though your eyes remain closed and Jimin figures you’re still asleep.
“Stop being creepy…” you mumble with a sleepy smile and Jimin grins too, realising he was wrong.
“I’m not being creepy…” he argues softly, still smiling. You pop open one eye to look at him unimpressed before you yawn and open both your eyelids.
“Oh, yeah, ‘cause it’s super romantic staring at me while I’m asleep, where can I find another man like that…” you tease him with a drowsy smile as your eyes find his.
He groans dramatically though his smile still remains. “You’re unbelievable…” he mumbles, his voice still gruff from sleep and you have to suppress a shiver before shuffling closer.
“I know but you love me…” you mumble against him before kissing his lips slowly. He lets himself get lost on the kiss before you lean back and he licks his lips to savour your taste.
“And now you can’t take it back!” you exclaim out loud before smiling mischievously at him.
Another groan breaks free from his lips. “Already regretting it…” he comments, checking your reaction from the corner of his eyes.
You gasp as if offended by his quip. “Well, maybe then I’ll just leave so you won’t regret it anymore!” you respond, gathering his sheet on your chest as you make a move to leave his bed.
But Jimin is faster, grabbing you by the waist and throwing you back on the bed, crawling on top of you with a predatory smile.
“Now, now, let’s not result in desperate measures…” he dives in for another kiss.
You can’t help but smile again as you kiss him, hands circling around his neck as he softly bites your bottom lip.
“Careful sir. You might trigger something dangerous here…” you whisper seductively, moving one leg so your thigh can rub against his already half-hard member.
Jimin’s smirk only grows. “Mmm, maybe I like danger…” he responds before his lips envelop yours once more. His hands travel beneath the sheet, tracing your skin before they move lower and-.
A loud bang echoes through the apartment, surprising both of you before a booming voice is heard through the walls, one that belongs to none other than Hoseok himself.
“Have you fucked yet or nah?!”
Your eyes widen, face immediately growing red. Jimin looks at you with an apologetic smile and before you get to ask why Hoseok is asking that, said man bursts into the room.
There’s a sudden explosion of sounds, you screaming as you hide beneath Jimin, Jimin cursing at Hoseok as he pulls the sheet to cover you both and Hoseok whistling at the image before him.
“Woah! You finally did it buds, I’m so happy for you!” he cheers you on as he steps inside to fist bump a very angry looking Jimin and a very visibly confused you.
“Hoseok, excuse my french, but what the fuck are you doing here?” Jimin is positively seething with his friends' interruption but as you see Hoseok basically beaming at the both of you, you can’t help but giggle at the absurd situation.
“I came to see if my buddies finally worked it out! And you did, finally! Can you imagine if you hadn’t and I’d burst through the door screaming that? That’d be awkwaaaaaaard!” he comments, too cheerful to notice Jimin’s deadly stare and you bite your lip to stop yourself from laughing.
“Right. That would’ve been awkward…” Jimin comments sarcastically though Hoseok still seems oblivious as he sits on top of the bed with a happy smile hanging from his lips.
You’re about to burst into giggles as you watch Jimin’s eyes growing wider in disbelief and you’re certain he’s gonna kill Hoseok any minute now.
“I’m so happy for you guys! My besties are finally dating!” he comments full of joy and Jimin is about to have smoke pouring out of his ears.
“Hobi, we’re happy too but I think it’d be better for you if you left…” you comment with a smile, pointing with your head at Jimin who’s about to lose it any second.
Hoseok’s eyes widen finally in realization. “Oh, whoops! Right, right, I’m leaving, keep going, stallion, show her how it’s done!” Hoseok throws finger guns at Jimin as he leaves the room and closes the door behind him.
As soon as Hoseok is out of earshot and you turn to look at Jimin you can’t help but burst into giggles by how absolutely mad he looks.
Though when you start laughing, Jimin’s incredulous stare turns to you. “Why are you even laughing?!”
Even though his ominous stare is directed at you, you can’t stop laughing. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, it’s just too funny!” you say breathlessly through your giggles.
“Too funny?!” he asks incredulously before his gaze turns dark. His eyes have your laughter dying in your throat and instead another feeling rising up at the pit of your stomach.
“I’ll show you funny…” he whispers sinfully before he lunges forward and you forget what you were laughing at for the rest of the day.
There are more important matters to tend to.
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sapphicwhxre · 3 years
Text
bubble gum
♡ pairing: fleur delacour x reader
♡ summary: you reach out to fleur, telling her you regret not telling her how you felt before she returned to beauxbatons. (loosely based on bubble gum by clairo.)
♡ warnings: some angst, fear of rejection
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Sorry I didn’t kiss you
But it’s obvious I wanted to
Bubble gum down my throat and it’s a curse
But my luck couldn’t get any worse
staring at the blank parchment in front of you, you sighed with frustration. not even the words ‘dear fleur’ were written down yet. there were too many possibilities, would it even be worth the trouble?
the day fleur and the other schools left hogwarts, you were beyond devastated. you’d swear by the gods that the french beauty took a shrapnel of your heart with her. of course the friendship was always doomed to end once she left, but it didn’t hurt any less. really, the reason it hurt so much was the goodbye. it was incomplete.
you should have leaned in and kissed her lips ─ they looked so soft and sweet. you should have done more than hold her hand and say you’d miss her. but fleur had to know you wanted to, right? there was just no way she didn’t see the longing in your eyes or notice that you held on to her goodbye hug far longer than normal. whether fleur knew it or not, it didn’t matter. you hadn’t kissed her. the words, the courage, all got lost in your throat.
but you still had to know. trembling slightly, you dipped your quill in ink and started to write. your luck was already hell simply due to the agony of not being with with fleur. getting closure couldn’t worsen the pain.
‘Cause I swallowed the bubble gum
Oh, and these seven years will be pretty dumb
Pink flowers grow from my skin
Pepto Bismol veins and I grin
the words started to come easily, once you began to write. although difficult at first, you poured your heart out to fleur delacour. you reminisced, telling her of the joy you felt when you were with her. you put into words the comfort she gave you when you had no one else. you flattered her with every bit of truth, telling her how sure you were that she must be an angel. you told her that this was how, in the short time you'd had together, you’d fallen in love with her.
tears pricked your eyes and fell from your cheeks, barely missing the parchment. sniffling and gripping the quill, you started to write the most important part of your letter. you said you were sorry. the regret of not telling fleur how you felt about her had wrecked you inside, but what she needed to know was that you were so, so sorry for doing this to her. you were sorry that it took so long to write, for starters, and now you were throwing this all at her. most of all you were sorry that you’d fallen in love with her, sorry that you’d kept it to yourself instead of just assuming that your love would be rejected. that was her choice to make, not yours.
but the fear of her not returning your feelings was wonderfully taken away and you smiled down at your handwriting ─ the handwriting that had lifted a weight off of your chest. the words and the courage that had gotten caught before reaching fleur had finally broken out. the infatuation and the butterflies of sweet love replaced the pain. you signed your name, closed an envelope, and stamped it shut.
You look so nice in your shirt
It’s sad because it just hurts
I’d do anything for you
But would you do that for me, too?
one last emotion flooded your senses. fear. your owl looked at your curiously, expecting to be handed the letter in your hand. what ifs clouded your mind and threatened your determination to finally tell fleur what you’d been thinking all this time.
her image was crystal clear in your mind. you imagined her pretty face in her bedroom light, pink balmed lips parting in surprise at the letter arriving at her window. in your mind, she was wearing blue. you’d always told her how much the colour lit up her beauty. she’d open the letter, maybe smile at the sight of your name.
but then what? would her face drop at the realisation that you were confessing your love? would she scrunch up her delicate features in disgust? would she simply toss the parchment you'd thrown your very soul onto in the garbage? you love fleur delacour. would she love you the same?
‘Cause I swallowed the bubble gum
Oh, and these seven years will be pretty dumb
Oh, pink flowers grow from my skin
Oh, Pepto Bismol veins and I grin
Oh oh oh
you broke your own heart with every terrible possibility playing like a movie in your mind. why hadn't you just said something? why hadn’t you worked up the nerve to just kiss her? instead you let it simmer and simmer until it became the reason for your torture.
taking a deep breath, you tried your best to think of better reactions. perhaps, she’d beam, grateful that you finally said something. maybe she’d be elated to know that the connection was real. the thought of seeing her again made your heart race. the sound of words never said echoed in your head. fleur’s voice, accent of elegance but the less elegant luxury of bubble gum on her breath, whispering to you,
“i love you too, y/n.”
adrenaline ran through your blood. it pumped in your heart and stretched a hopeful smile onto your lips. unlikely? it very well may be. but that sliver of a chance with fleur would make a thousand lifetimes of terrors worth every second. the slightest chance of fleur being yours was enough. you handed the letter to the owl before you and watched its wings flap in the wind, disappearing in the horizon. with the purely exuberant sense of thrill, you sat down and thought to no one in particular, but hoped the wish would carry through the heavens.
bring her back to me.
──────────♡
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pleasancies · 3 years
Text
Unlikely Caregiver
Made for @sicktember day 21 prompt : Unlikely Caregiver. A villain forced herself to meet the hero despite slowly dying. She expect the hero to focus on the mission, and leave her to die. Featuring a good ol' doorstep collapse. Warnings for death scares and vomit. Happy reading!
***
Left foot, right foot. Come on, Yu!
The B-list mercenary wobbles on her feet. A brief spell of dizziness made her weak on the knees, forced to hug a wall with a piss stain on it. She stayed there until the stars around her head petered out, loathing every second the offensive smell triggered her nausea yet too weak to step away. From afar, she look like another drunkard after a night out. Although her long coat and work boots doesn't translate well for a party.
Damn Asher for living out so far in the suburbs. Conformist hero with no taste. Why does she has to live there anyway? The commute time is unbearable and its a pain to reach when you're practically dying. Most of all, the place is bland. Yu groaned, then laughed as she emerged from the alley. She didn't know she could feel joy from finding a bus stop. There's spikes preventing her from lying down, but she could sit! Thank the heavens. She waited for the last bus, promising the universe if she survived this one she'd make it her life's mission to remove hostile architecture.
The bus arrives. It was empty. Yu could lay in her seat without disturbing anybody. The seat felt like silken sheets. God, the poison is truly wrecking her system. She had never felt this exhausted. Her head is pounding, and the cold air of the night keeps getting through her core despite the heavy coat. Yu's teeth chattered. Underneath her shirt is a blooming blotch of red and purple. Bruises forming under the slightest touch.
Her eyelids were heavy. The steady thrum of the engine almost lulled her to sleep. Yu drag herself up, wincing at the sudden ache in her joints. No, if she sleep now she might never wake up again. Have to stay awake. She still have unfinished business. Had to go to Asher's house. Tell her. Even if it took her life.
After the bus trip, there's still a way to go. Miles and miles of identical homes with even shittier dogs and children. No walls to hold her steady. Fine, Yu could deal. She'll crawl. The suburbs were eerily quiet as she stumbled along the sidewalk.
If Yu had a little more selfishness in her, she'd go to the hospital instead of going to Asher's. There's no guarantee the heroine would listen to her. But the group who poisoned her was even a bigger threat than dying. Yu is an unapologetic villain, she'd rob and maim desperate men with glee. But even the potential body count from the group's plans unnerved her.
Look where it got her, half-dragging her corpse along two endless rows of mediocrity.
Asher... She's one of the most annoying heroines Yu had met. Naive, ordinary, too afraid to actually live and think for herself. A forty-year old with superstrength. Gifted with a power and the biggest thing she'd dream of is working alongside cops. Pathetic. Just her luck that bitch is the only the one she could trust with sensitive information. Any of the bigger heroes could be in cahoots with the group, and anyone smaller doesn't have the strength to take them down. None of her fellow villains were as easy to contact. Bless proper opsec for that. Which is really sad, since the easiest supers to find apparently lived in a house at the far edge of the city.
House number fifty-six. Painted yellow, with an empty dog house at the front. She'd memorized the adress. It was right in front of her now. Not even a fence to keep others out. Yu felt her the last of strength die out and collapsed on the porch. She wiped her nose with her sleeve. There's blood on it.
"Asher. Asher!" Yu hollered. Her voice sounds a little too weaker than she liked. She rapped at the floor, because the door is just a little too far out of reach. "Come here or I'll fuck your dog!"
Rushed footsteps got louder by the door. Yu called for the heroine again. She took a shaky breath. Bitter nausea pooled in her mouth. Not now. She had to speak.
"Who are you?!"
Yu's words were cut off by a loud heave. She covered her mouth with her hands, but it wasn't enough to stop the gush of vomit from splattering on the porch and her clothes. As if she was a puppet cut off by the string, her arms lost its will and she fell face down to find the door already opened. Asher standing by with her pajames.
"How do you know my house adress?!" Asher said, panicked.
Of course that would be the first thing she'd asked. Yu gathered her arms, slowly lifting herself up, "Doesn't matter. The Syndicate from the Northeast. They're planning something big."
Focus overtook the earlier panic. Asher hurried to Yu's side, helping her up. "Hey, easy does it. What's going on with you?"
"Poison. Asher, your boss is working with the Syndics. So as the mayor, and maybe a good deal of the police force." Yu spat on the floor. The acidic taste won't leave her mouth. Her voice sound rough and haggard. "You have to call on the smaller villains and vigilantees. They'll help."
A hand felt her neck, then her forehead. The look of concern was clear on Asher's face. "You're burning up! We need to get you to the hospital."
"It doesn't matter!" Yu's anger surprised her. There was no time. She expect Asher to prioritize the Syndics. They don't wait for no one. Yu hated Asher, and the heroine is willing to break her spine if it means Yu stopped doing mercenary work with villains. She was ready to die, but Asher is rubbing her back with a phone to her ear.
"Hey, don't pass out. I'm calling an ambulance."
Messages sent, mission done, and Yu really doesn't really give a damn of what Asher said. Fuck staying concious. Her death might be an indignified one, but at least she won't go out doing what the authorities told her to do, even if it's to save her life.
***
Out of all the strange case of miracles, Yu found this to be weirdest one yet. She's alive. Body aching all over but still breathing. The hospital light made her head hurt. On her chest and stomach, there's stickers hooked to a machine.
"Don't go around crawling to people's homes yet. You're still sick."
Asher is sitting beside her. She gingerly placed her hand on Yu's forehead.
"Too warm," She furrowed her brow in concern. "Is there anything you need?"
"Water would be nice."
Yu glanced at the heroine, she looked just as off-balance as her. Confused, slightly uncomfortable, and maybe a little embarrased.
"So, when will you interrogate me and threaten all of my contacts?"
"I'm a hero, Yu. I don't do that. Yes, you should tell me about the Syndics, but I won't coerce you."
"You have the strength to crush someone's skull yet you choose go the long way round of talking. Curious. Nah, a waste of potential."
"Are you hungry, Yu?"
"What does it have to do anything I just said? No, Asher. I'm not hungry."
How wonderful that her stomach choose this time to growl.
Fuck, what did she do? Should've risk the distance and call someone else. She could imagine the how the next few weeks would play out. Long periods of awkwardness coupled with moments of pure vile. Yu doesn't work with heroes.
"I'll get the nurse," Asher was smug as she gets up from the chair.
"You don't have to find an excuse. Just leave, chase the Syndics and don't come back from. I get it. The public won't hold you responsible."
Asher sighed, "Yeah, I still hated you with all my guts. You almost died in front of my daughter! She was watching from the living room. How do I explain this to her?"
"The feeling's mutual, Karen."
"But the things is, I'm trying to meet you halfway. You drag yourself all the way across town to tell me this, because you recognize this is important. Your recovery's important too, and I'll do my best to help you despite our previous animosity."
She left, and it's like a weight were lifted off Yu's shoulders. Heh, her recovery's important. That's something she'll never imagine coming out from a hero's mouth. Yu put her hand on her stomach, nursing an ache that's halfway between hunger and injury. Asher's words left her feeling a tad bit like an open wound. She almost died. And it fucking hurts. Asher had saved her and felt her temperature like her mother used to do. Weird doesn't begin to cover it.
But maybe being stuck here with Asher wasn't the worst thing in the world.
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beyondspaceandstars · 3 years
Text
A Good Man
Relationship: Bucky Barnes x Reader Warnings: TFATWS SPOILERS, angst, underlying anxious tones (happy ending, though!) Summary: Bucky calls you distraught after having to resume the classic role of the Winter Soldier again A/N: When I saw this scene in TFATWS all I could think about was how wild that had to be for Bucky to assume that brainwashed role again and idk maybe it isn’t that deep and i just went crazy with it but what can i say? i love a good sad/angsty one shot with happy ending :)
Masterlist
Your heart leaped with joy as your phone started buzzing beside you on your desk. Only one person would be calling you at such an obscure time and seeing your boyfriend’s name and picture pop-up as confirmation made your heart melt.
Hitting ‘accept,’ you happily greeted him, "Hi, honey."
You couldn’t contain the smile on your face as you waiting for his answer. You two hadn’t talked for a bit after he went off, only giving you a brief rundown of his plans. He was a bit frantic, a bit worried about his actions, but you assured him you knew what he had to do. Not being much of a hero yourself, all you could do was support him and promise to be there when he gets back, arms opened, ready to comfort him.
"Hi, doll," Bucky responded but his tone absolutely did not meet your energy. He sounded a bit out of it, almost distant, as his words dragged out in a sigh. At first you thought maybe he had just gotten tossed around in a fight but there was something in his voice you had to inquire about.
"How’s everything going?" You asked, cautiously, as you leaned back in your desk chair. The late-night work you were doing was becoming abandoned as your attention turned to your boyfriend.
Bucky paused, the line practically going dead. You worried he had hung up, maybe thought better than to tell you what was going on, but you could still hear his uneven breaths. They were haunting and rigid. You started to get more worried as the seconds of silence went on.
Afraid he was going to drop the call, you wanted to change the subject when Bucky finally spoke up. "We teamed up with Zemo."
Your phone nearly slipped out of your hands. Sitting up abruptly, you did your best to contain your shocked tone. "Wow, um, alright," you nodded, even though he couldn’t see you. "How- How is that going?" The last thing Bucky had explained was going to see him in prison and now somehow, some god-damn way, the man was outside. The man who had done all that to your boyfriend. Had controlled and weaponized him. The terror, the fear, everything Bucky would tell you came rushing back-
"Doll," Bucky mumbled, cutting off your thoughts. You gulped at his weak, sad tone. "You still love me, right?"
Your brows furrowed. "I love you so much, Buck," you said, meaning every single word entirely. After a deep breath, you then asked, "What’s wrong?"
"If you see any videos tonight, please don’t watch them-,"
"Videos?" You gasped, "Bucky, what is going on?" Your jaw clenched as you sat on the edge of your seat, desperate for answers. You weren’t about to disobey him but he was also giving you nothing.
That silence came back but you forced yourself to wait patiently. No dial tone came, just the same haunting breaths on the other end of the line.
He spoke abruptly, nearly catching you off guard. "We needed to speak to an informant so…" Bucky coughed, sounding like he was covering any worry. You still waited, silent. "I had to take on the role of the Winter Soldier, that Winter Soldier, again."
"I- What?" You asked. What the hell did that mean? "What do you mean took on the role? What- Bucky, what did you do?"
"No, no, babe, it’s fine," His voice was frantic, making something twist in your heart out of sadness. "I- I had to just pretend but it was back in that headspace, that role, and… And it was a lot, doll. I felt like a soldier again, following commands, and I didn’t- I mean I’m fine, everything’s fine. I know it wasn’t real but I- I just needed to talk to you. It got overwhelming and…" Bucky took another deep breath. You sniffled, holding back some tears as you listened to the worry, the tragedy, in his voice. "I just needed to hear your voice. Remember who I am now. What I have waiting for me."
You couldn’t help the little sob that escaped you. You didn’t exactly think it was the end of the world but it was… alarming. Necessary, it seemed, but alarming, and you didn’t know how to really help. Part of you wanted to beg him to come home but that just wasn’t reasonable. You knew the stakes very well.
Bucky started mumbling your name trying to calm you down but you cut him off. "Bucky, you know that’s not you anymore. You’re no one’s soldier, you’re no one’s asset, okay? You’re a good man who just wants to make things right." You took a deep breath as the waterworks flowed. "It wasn’t real, honey. You did what you had to do for the great good. As cheesy as that may sound, it’s true. And I think the fact you’re worried about it means you’ve come a long way."
A shaky breath came through on the phone. You both seemed to be such messes on different sides of the world. All you desperately wanted was to take him in your arms, reassure him everything was fine, feel his touch and give him that comfort. But he was doing what he had to as a hero and you knew it didn’t come without its challenges.
"Thank you, doll," Bucky mumbled. "I really needed to hear all that."
You mustered a weak smile through your teary expression. "You’re doing good, honey, I promise. You’ve worked so hard and I’m immensely proud of you."
You could practically hear the smile finally forming on Bucky’s lips as he gave you another thank you.
"Now, if I may ask," you sighed, "what is this about videos?"
Bucky groaned. "Some witnesses had those genius phones or whatever."
"You mean smartphones?"
"Whatever," He scoffed. "I think they took videos of the fight."
You shook your head, moving the phone to your other ear for comfort, and leaned back in your chair. "Your therapist is not going to like that."
"Please don’t remind me."
You couldn’t help but give a little chuckle at his response. "Are you doing okay, now?"
Bucky hummed. "I think so," he said. "Sorry for bombarding you with all that. I got a little panicky when I realized…"
The trailing off made your heart break just a little bit more. In your time of knowing him, when he wasn’t speaking his mind could be wandering, filling with worries and horrors you just wanted nothing more than to magically cast away. But the best you could manage was to actually be there. To listen to it all, fully on the roller coaster ride.
"Hey, honey," you said, trying to pull him away from his thoughts. "I promise, you’re okay. You were doing your job and it might not have been ideal but that wasn’t you. You don’t even know that person anymore."
"You’re right," he sighed. "God, how are you always right?"
You giggled, wiping away some stray tears. "I’m just so smart."
Bucky gave a weak laugh. It wasn’t much but you’d take it. "That’s for sure," he agreed.
He sounded like he was about to say something else when a voice called in the background. Bucky let out an annoyed sigh then said, "I have to go, doll, but I can call you tomorrow."
"Okay, honey," you said, sniffling slightly. "Please be safe."
"Always," he mumbled, his voice cracking just a bit, but he seemed to quickly compose himself. "I love you."
"I love you, too, Buck," you sighed. "Come back to me in one piece."
"Doll, please, you cannot say that to your boyfriend who has a detachable arm."
You gasped, "Bucky, you know what I mean-,"
He cut you off with another weak laugh. You were slightly relieved his humor hadn’t totally abandoned him in his panic. You wish you could see the same for yourself but Bucky always knew how to break the mood.
"Of course, I do," he sighed. "Just like teasing you."
"You’re insufferable."
He scoffed. "You love me." You could practically see him shaking his head with that stupid but loving teasing grin playing at his lips, trying to overcome those sad eyes.
You chuckled as your heart absolutely warmed at the mental pictures of your boyfriend. There was no denying you were madly in love with him. All of him. Brain, body, heart, soul. The entire package. "Of course I do."
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urlocalnctstan · 3 years
Text
𝚃𝚒𝚍𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝙷𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚝𝚜
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Genre : Angst, Fluff, Slow-burnish, Idol AU
Pairing : Jaehyun x Reader ft.Mark (other members too)
Warning(s) : strong language, age-gap, mature contents, weird writing style lmao, uh what else? idk but yeah
Disclaimer :The story is completely fictitious, idol-fan relationships are not common so some of you crazy ones out here, pls don’t get too delusional, your oppas will be your oppas only virtually, not in real life.
Playlist : Youtube Link / Written
Word Count : 5.4k
Summary : ‘Time and tide waits for none’- a quote that is universally accepted and believed. You both had had your experience of meeting the right one at the wrong time, the concept of love long forgotten after the sudden downfall of your relationship together. But will time eventually heal everything for you both?
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The car came to a halt, your mind subconsciously drifting back to the humiliation you faced tonight back at the office.
“ARE YOU FUCKING DUMB, Y/N?” your boss was a fuming mess, his whole office scattered with the documents you had brought just a few moments ago. At the sight of the shredded papers, you felt you heart clench. You worked so hard for this project, disregarding God knows how many nights of your sleep. The feeling of abomination was slowly creeping up from the pit of your stomach towards the man who stood taut, seething in rage.
“HOW MANY TIMES DID I TELL YOU TO JUST DO WHAT THEY ASKED YOU TO?” He yelled, his fist furiously banging on his wooden desk, beneath his hand rested some pieces of the torn documents.
“Sir, even you know how risky it is to design as they asked to. If a blunder happens it is our company that is to be held accountable, not theirs.” you knew it was pointless to reason with the stubborn headed prick, but you had to try out your luck.
“Get out. Out, out, out. Get your fucking face out of my face.” He swished his index finger repeatedly, letting out a frustrated shriek just as I was about to exit his office. His wrath was nothing new in the office, as all the other employees shot me a rather pitying look when they saw me exiting the team leader’s office with hands full of ripped papers. Wow, my 2 weeks worth of sleep. Just wow. You didn’t bother to reciprocate their sympathetic glances, storming out of the corridor as you furiously started clicking the floor to your cabin. The jabbing of your finger on the glowing button that read ‘13’ was the only sound that resonated in the fairly empty area, earning annoyed looks from the two individuals who stood right behind you.
“Ah, fuck.” You banged your head against the steering, recalling the even as you clutched the handles harshly. “Why,” another bang. “do I,” bang. “live like” bang. “this,” bang. You could feel your face was burning without even touching it, streams of tears flowing down. Just as you were about to give yourself another bang, the sudden honk of a car made you pause amidst your ritual. Indeed all motherfuckers love to test my patience. You decide to ignore the rider, mainly because you were also partially at fault for resting in your car in the middle of the park. You twisted the metal keys as the ignition went off, signaling your car was ready to flee. Yet again, you were distracted by soft knocks. You prayed to God to help you not lose your shit, at this point you were questioning if He ever hears your woes at all. The soft knocks stop immediately when you started to pull down the window, the person straightening only crouch again.
“Y/n?” his called out unsurely, as if he were afraid of mistaking you for someone else. You knew that voice, and that is not good news. Shit.
“Mark?” you were surprised to say the least, not expecting to run into an old friend. “Oh my god! How have you been?” You shoot out of your driver’s seat, instantly being engulfed into a bone crushing hug by the male.
“I have been good. Oh god, I can’t believe this! I can’t believe I ran into you after so long!” Mark still held you tight your embrace, the sudden reunion making him feel giddy with excitement.
“Yes indeed,” you were the first to pull out from the hug. You took a moment to study him; black mask covering half of his face as he smiled widely, eyes crinkled and the signature cheekbones still the same as they were in the past. God, it’s really been so long. “What are you up to these days?”
“Er,” Mark scratched his head as he laughed nervously, unsure if he was allowed to give you spoilers about his new album. “I have been working on my solo album actually.” 
“Are you for real?” You found yourself hugging Mark again at the joy of his successful career. “I’m so so proud of you mate!”
“Thank you, thank you,” Mark swayed you lightly, his voice muffled due to the mask he wore. Mark was the one to pull out now, still keeping your caged as he placed his hands on your shoulders. “In no way I am gonna let you leave without a trace again,” he almost groaned.
“Promise, I won’t anymore,” you signaled to the stack of files that rested on the backseat of your car. “They won’t leave me alone.”
“I’ll just ask your boss to assign you with more tasks then,” he giggled mischievously, earning a light smack from you at the mention of such an absurd idea.
“I’ll track your way to hell to kill you again if you do something like that,” you hissed at Mark, who was still giggling at your frustrated reaction. The atmosphere became quiet as Mark looked up in the vacant sky, deep in thoughts while you waited for him to continue. Your phone buzzed against your leather coat.
[From Bullhead] : Don’t think I am overlooking your mess. This is the first and final warning from me.
You shivered, half from the cold and half from the text you just received.
“26th, sharp at 8 PM, my place.” He snapped his fingers, hooting at the realization of having a free day in his busy scheduled life.
“Okay, done.” You should have refused, you thought. But for some reason, you found yourself agreeing to his offer, you felt both sad and guilty for disappearing out of your friend’s life without a trace. However, you couldn’t ignore the greedy feeling you felt, the want to see him again. “I think I should be done around...7:30? So I think I’ll be able to make it.” You unlocked and handed him your phone.
“You have to make it,” his eyes focused on the screen of your device, swiftly typing what you assumed was him number. “Just incase, text me if I happen to forget - no I know that look, Y/n, you must text if that happens..” He rolled his eyes, knowing that how much you would be overthinking about possibly tiring him because of his busy lifestyle. Mark dialed his number from your phone before handing it back to you. You visibly snickered at the name he saved his contact with : ‘My Boo MarkLee <3’ 
“Stop pretending as if you never renamed my existence as Markie Boo,” he groans, remembering how this has been his another one of the hundred pet names he had. Your conversation was cut mid way as his phone loudly vibrated in his phone, swiftly pulling it out as the guy whined in annoyance.
“Yo, I gotta go now I guess, something came up at the company.” He looked sad, pouty. “See you around, yeah?” You were pulled into another hug by the male, he surely loved to hug as usual.
“Yes, yes. Now go. Don’t be late.” You patted his back, pulling out of the hug and shooing him away towards his car.
“See ya, Mom.” He beamed as he sped off with his car. 
“Dumbass.” You muttered, softly laughing at the name he would always call you by, despite being years younger than him. You rounded around your car, getting inside. The start was bad but the end was good nonetheless. The keys of your car jiggled as you closed the door. Again, you twisted the keys, your mood slightly better than before for which you were grateful. Your car’s ignition blared, as you positioned towards the exit of the park, subtly muttering ‘long ass ride.’
The digits ‘7:37’ glowed on the the small digital clock beside your desktop. You felt stiff, stretching your neck as your bones made those cracking noes. You stare at your toes, zoning out was your passion and you excelled at it. You snapped straight, letting out a deep sigh as you started to scheme the projects before you were to hand them over to your bullhead boss. Soon enough, you were done, muttering almost too loudly for everyone that you wished your boss would be napping off instead of being awake.
Good for you, your prayers were answered for the first time in a while. You quietly placed the files that contained all the details that needed to be checked again by your boss, quietly making your way out of his cabin as soon as possible. On you way, you informed his secretary you were leaving, her face wore distraught and annoyance but softens as she saw you approaching. Sometimes you felt sympathetic towards her, often asking the heavens to bless her with utmost patience and perseverance to deal with the bullhead.
The marble floor clicked with every step you took, the sounds eerily audible in the serene lobby. It was very rare for the lobby to be filled with people in evening, the employees would practically sprint off their seats as soon as the clock hits 7. You made your way out of the building, making a mental note to buy a gift for Mark on your way back to home. What would he like? Take outs? Homemade? Wine? You drove across the street before halting your car in front of the department store that was situated just a few blocks away from your office. The header of the store glowed, the alleys seemingly half-crowded with people of different occupations you assumed. You let out a hiss as you felt a chill run down your spine, it was almost the end of Autumn which meant Winter was just round the corner. You decided to rely on your instincts, deciding to gift your friend a fancy bottle of wine despite having zero knowledge about it.
You were never quite the fan of wine. According to you, the seemingly alcoholic drink was too expensive, plus the etiquettes that came along for its consumption would always just make your turn your head away every time you laid your eyes across one. You schemed through the white shelves filled with different tastes and colors of wine, each hailing from various corners of the world. “How do I even spell it?” You crouched down a bit to a bottle that had caught your attention, the exquisite name was starting to make your head hurt. It’s probably a white wine you thought, the transparent color of the liquid was what made you convince. But something rather nostalgic caught your sight, before you could even realize, you found your fingertips caressing the cold glass bottle of the red liquid that you held now.
“If were to be a drink, then what would I be?” You lazily laid sprawled across the couch in the living, while you boyfriend who sat on the marble floor across fumbles with the knotted bunch of cables. Jaehyun had his gaze focus of the wire maze in his hands, eyebrows furrowed and lips pouted in immense concentration.
“Peach milk,” he smiled, unbeknownst to you he was actually implying a double meaning for his answer.
“And why that?” You felt his choice a bit amusing, not really expecting that as an answer.
“Because I love your ass and boobs,” he winked, only to be hit by a pillow that was resting beneath your curled legs. Jaehyun felt himself giggling by your reaction, it was cute to see you being annoyed. “Babe, c’mon. I can’t lie about it.” 
“Never mind, just forget it.” You started to get a bit pissed, hurt as well because your sensitive ass thought he would probably say something sweet that would make you heart flutter. 
“Peach milk is my favorite, that’s the main reason why,” Jaehyun shifted his focus back to the cables, the last two knots were too adamant to let go of each other. You felt yourself smiling, too wide, he definitely knew you well. Cheeky bastard.
“What about me?” he asked, eyes still focused as he working on untying the last knot.
“Hmmm...” you shifted your position on the couch, now sitting up as you stared your boyfriend’s figure for a short while.
“Red wine.” sophisticated, classy, unique, warm. If you were to describe the aura around him, these would be the first choices.
However, your answer seemed to have caught Jaehyun’s attention, pausing in his tracks as he got curious as to why the specific choice. He had a huge grin on his face, he adored how you remembered the specific detail of red wine being his favourite, for he mentioned it in your first date which was 2 years back. But he knew there was more to it. He knew you too well. “But why red wine?”
You kept your gaze fixated on Jaehyun as he gets up from the ground, putting the cables in a secure manner to avoid another tie war. He hugged the pillow tight which you had previously thrown on him, before propping down beside you on the couch with a tired sigh, looking at you intently. It was as if you both were having a staring contest. So you rested your head on your right hand, both staring each other with soft smiles before you continued.
“You are much more to what everyone thinks you are,” you notice how Jaehyun cocks an eyebrow, still staring and trying to process what you just said.
“Just like wine, the more I know you, the more I know just how amazing you are. Both sweet and sour, but the balanced ratio of it is what makes you more admirable.” You admired how he was always able to balance things out, prior to what everyone believes about him, he had both good and bad sides to him. And that’s what made him more human, him acknowledging his flaws. That’s what made you fall for him.
Hearing you, Jaehyun thought he might dislocate his jaw anytime soon for smiling so hard. His heart started to do all sort of flips, ears starting to pink. It was at times like this when you don’t need words to express how you were feeling, silent but the communication was still present. Jaehyun slides his hand into yours, you glanced at both of your intertwined fingers before looking at him, his eyes full of hearts for you. You giggled, feeling shy at his intense stare but returning him the same way.
“I love you,” he whispered, his starry eyes which were only looking at you.
“Excuse me miss,” You jolt at the sudden change of voice coming from behind you. You whip around, a girl probably in her late teens stood nervously, her hands fidgets with the belts of her backpack. 
“Miss, you were kinda in the way so..” you felt flustered for absent-mindedly drifting into your dreamland while shopping for your friend, chiding yourself mentally in the process.
“Ah, I am so sorry,” you moved swiftly to the side to allow the teen some space to carry out her shopping. “Please, carry on.” You smiled softly. Though at the back of your mind you wanted to point out how she shouldn’t be consuming alcohol, but disregarded the urge nonetheless. Sometimes children should get to enjoy their minimal amount of fun in their youth too. You were still clutching the red wine bottle in your hand, eyeing it one last time before placing it back in the racks. You cleared your throat, as if to let the voices speaking inside your head know that you are not a stupid 20 year old anymore. You shake your head, glancing around to inspect if others were judging your state before proceeding to the counter for the random wine you picked which might have cost you half of your monthly salary. It’s okay to spend once in a while.
Mark was literally running around his apartment. Running. His head shot up as he remembered something. “Shit, fuck, are the bathroom lights okay?” he murmured to himself, sprinting off to the bathroom that was located in his vast living room first, followed by the ones in his bedroom and guestroom. Mark was still a newbie to the norms of living alone, him being a newborn living-alone man for sparsely 2 months. And he would barely be home due to his schedules. There were even times he would just forget his own bedroom.
“What else, what else,” he glanced over the whole area eyes drifting here and there before he realized something. Dumbass forgot to check if there were even enough food for two. Mark quickly scurried to the kitchen counter, the utensils were more than enough before checking his fridge. Beers? Check. Soju? Check. Kimchi? Check. Slices of chicken breast? Check. But the 33 year old still felt something was missing. Mark shifted his focus on the wooden shelf that was just above the kitchen sink, the transparent glass door of it making a creak sound as he opened it. For an apartment who’s owner was barely home, the shelf was definitely well packed and organized. It contained all sorts of ramen, tteokbokki and any other fast food you could name. “What else, what else, what else, what else,” he kept chanting, as if by some magic his chants of short memory would be heard and he would know what else was he missing out. He hunched over the lower shelf to inspect if all the sauces his housekeeper stores for him were present there. Absorbed in his thoughts, Mark did not notice the sudden sound of his bell going off, before the sounds just got repeated and even more louder. 
“What the fuck?” his eyebrows creased in annoyance, cussing out all the profanities he had in his vocabulary at the visitor’s insolent mannerism. Mark was beyond pissed, the person behind the other side of the door not only disrupted his memory battle but also had the audacity to ring the bell like a 3 year old in the middle of the night. Instead of just answering from the intercom, he directly opened the entrance door. “Look, it’s like 11 in the night - Hyung?” Mark halted his rant session as he realized it was Jaehyun standing in front of his house. Covered in black shirt, black mask, black pants - black everything, it would take a while for others who did not know him personally to recognize the member of the top boy group in the industry.
“Were you shitting or something,” Jaehyun smiled before casually giving his best friend a hug. Mark pulls out some of the spare slippers he had stored, while Jaehyun sits on the wooden step as he unties the knots of his black adidas. As Jaehyun get ups, he looks over to the other male standing in front of him, then down at the slippers and then again to the male.
“What?” Mark laughed, his hands shifting to the sides of his waist.
“Mark, please don’t go shopping by yourself next time,” Jaehyun silently judged Mark for offering him the fluffly colourful pink body and yellow polka dots slippers, similar to the ones he was wearing but the combination in opposite. 
“I got them from the BOGO offer going on in the supermarket just down the lane,” Mark wiggled his toes under the furry layer of clothing, slightly humming at the texture. “Bro this shit comfortable and cute, you can’t deny that.”
Jaehyun gives him another look, amused at how his bandmate’s old habits were still the same. “I help you out with your fashion choices next time. Don’t worry.” He patted Mark’s should, a sympathetic grin on his face as he anticipated the other male’s dramatic reaction. 
“Oh please,” Mark scoffed. “More like you need my and Johnny hyung’s assistance for your monotonous wardrobe!”
Jaehyun laughed at his friend’s rebuttal before lazily propping himself on the bean sack in the living room with a low hum. Oddly enough, Mark’s apartment felt more homely than his own apartment which was just above a few floors.
“But what brings you here?” Mark walks over to his fridge, judging by his friend’s sudden visit, he knew drinks had become a necessary part of the night. “And what about Hayoung?”
“What about her?” Jaehyun raised his eyebrow at Mark, skillfully catching the beer Mark had tossed to him after asking about Hayoung, Jaehyun’s, well complicated girl something.
“I though you guys might just....I don’t know, be official or something.” Mark stole a glance towards his friend, nervously opening his can. The momentary pin drop silence was an indicator, he indeed blurted something he should not have. The fizzy hiss of the beer can being opened barely broke the ice.
“I don’t do things like official,” Jaehyun scoffed, producing a low sigh after sipping the beer. Mark decided not to further press his friend, despite having an old unresolved grudge against Jaehyun somewhere deep within him. It had been years since all of that had happened, but he still felt hostility creep up inside every time he remembers that night, that week, that month. After all, it was you that Jaehyun had completely broken, torn and ripped apart.
Unbeknownst to the rummaging thoughts inside the mind of his bandmate, it took a while for the older to realize how oddly clean and organized the apartment looked. Jaehyun turned to Mark, eyebrows raised with mischievousness coating his words. “You having someone for the night tomorrow?”
Mark almost made a disgusted face but instead opted to scrunch. “Bro, I don’t have Tinder, neither do I wanna be a carrier of STDs.” Mark placed his empty can on the small glass table, simultaneously letting out a tired huff. Jaehyun almost took an offense to the statement, the attack was definitely but indirectly made towards him. But he decided to shrug it off, Mark was not lying after all. Jaehyun did not even know half of the girls’ names he had slept with, someday or another mixing up names which ends in him getting kicked out or being cursed out. That was what had happened that night as well. 
“Okay, I forgot. Hayoung, yes. Speak.” Jaehyun shot an incredulous look to the younger, as if he was able to read his mind or something. Mark only furrowed his eyebrows at the reaction.
“I-I....got kicked out,” Jaehyun’s voice was barely above a whisper, but the sharp eared male was able to catch his friend’s low murmur. Mark stifled his giggle, only to receive a glare from his friend. Jaehyun ran his fingers through his newly dyed lilac hair. Fucking embarrassing.
“But what made her do that?”
Jaehyun felt chills run down his spine as the scenario replayed in his head. He shivered despite the heater being on, an amused Mark glancing while chugging down the small remaining amount of beer. Mark was being a gentleman trying to conceal his laughter as Jaehyun rambled how he managed to fuck up yet another good hook-up buddy. At this point, Mark was not even surprised. Victim to his obvious facial expressions, Mark hated lying, and equally hated being lied to as well. Jaehyun side glanced his friend, a loud annoyed snort escaping from him. “Having fun, aren’t you?”
“Well, I mean it’s fun — sorry,” Mark clears his throat. He should be the type of friend who gives advices instead of laughing. Mark wiggled in his seat, distorting the empty can before having a perfect shot in the trashcan just a few feet away from him. Smooth one.
“I think I might retire, or just quit after the current contract ends,” Jaehyun felt tight, the words came out from him in a way too suffocating form. Mark visibly tenses, his laidback posture now crouching forward to his friend. Mark was too pre-occupied in his escalating solo career, the support he had been getting even before the official stage was way too much for him to fathom, but he was grateful for it nonetheless. A stinging guilt crept up inside him, chiding himself of being such an inconsiderate friend. “It’s high-time I start to live on my own accord.”
Mark decided to rather not pressurize the half-drunk dude with his numerous questions as to why or what has made him to take such a step. Jaehyun struggled to keep his eyes open, exhaustion was taking over his body ever faster now that he had booze in his system. Jaehyun would have rather opted to just spend the night on the couch (he preferred Mark’s limited edition long L shaped sofa over any king sized bed) but the guy decided to not get welcomed by his mate as ‘good morning.’ Mark put a hand on Jaehyun’s knee, an attempt to stop the non-stop stomping which was a very well-known drunk habit of him. Piling the blankets he just brought, the younger warned again, eyes like red lazer lights before trudging towards his bedroom. 
Feet wobbly, Jaehyun struggles to drag his build to switch off the remaining lights in the living room, glancing throughout the long empty space. He gulped down harshly, the familiar empty feeling creeping back to him which he had been avoiding for so long — for years. Jaehyun took a deep sigh, the heavy feeling feeling weighing down his chest as he took light steps towards the big glass window which granted him the view of the whole city. His eyes flickered at the luminous sight. He felt big but small, full, content but numb and empty. 
“Hyung, you’re still awake?” a sleepy voice spoke from behind, breaking out Jaehyun from his trance. 
“Huh?” It took a moment for him to process an answer. “Uh yeah. just like that. You go sleep.”
Mark shrugged, walking towards his bed as Jaehyun plopped down harshly on the duvet, wincing slightly as he felt a sprain in his lower back. With the alcohol slowly losing its effect on him with each passing second, Jaehyun started to feel more sober, more drawn back into the reality. He hated it. This feeling he was feeling.
Mark was having a rather difficult time to fall asleep. He even put on a random sleeping eye mask he uses for travelling, but alas that did not help either. He was too giddy, too excited for tomorrow. Pulling up the blankets over his head, Mark was assured he was safe from everyone, even maybe from God as a huge grin breaks out on his face. As much as he hates to admit it, Mark loved how things turned out to be the way they were.
“Oh god, this is so awkward. Oh god can I please please just die already?” Mark halted on his steps at the voice, glistening in sweats after the recent stage. He thought it would be an adventure to opt for the public washroom in disguise since the green rooms’ ones were all occupied by the rest of the members; and boy, Mark was really giving his all hold his pee.  
“OH GOD!” the sudden yelp caused the male to shriek quietly, muttering an inaudile ‘jesus’. Despite the odds, Mark decided not to test his luck, holding in the bubbling feeling just before explosion as much as he could. Muttering quiet curses, the male struggled to hold his posture as he stealthily tried to get to the other side of the stairs. Too busy in his on the way to urination voyage, Mark realized it was too late, he bumped. Bumped into someone. A girl. Hell yeah fucked. Panic crept at the back of his throat as he anticipated what was coming forth. Him being surrounded by numerous fan as he desperately tries to hold his pee. What a fucking sight.
“Look, I know you might be a staff or something,” Mark whipped his head at your voice. “But please just oh god,” you rambled, leaving the man standing with his legs crossed tightly in utter confusion. “I had no idea — Mark Lee?”
The colors from his faced drained, Mark turned casper for a split second. 
“PLEASE!” he was quick to react, half-whispering as he desperately caught your hands. “Please don’t just, uh.., shout or something.”
You immediately raised your hands in defense. “I uh have no reason to do so?” You stated, observing how he was literally squirming, it did not take you long to understand that the canadian needed to go the washroom as soon as possible. ”Oh!” You quickly moved. “Sorry for blocking your way!” Before he could even say thank you, you disappeared without any trace. Mark made a quick mental note to thank you, well that only if he ever happens to cross paths with you again. And deep down, he wised he would. On the other hand, you let out another distressed growl, promising to all of the heavens that never will you be ever accompanying your cousin sister, or let alone come to any concerts from now on. The stunt your drunken cousin had pulled just a while ago was humiliating enough, but of course, she had to spice it up by vomiting on the hallways just in front of the green room. You silently prayed and hope with all your might that maybe they will be generous enough not to sue you or ask for compensation for the mess, looking around cautiously for any employees before you sprinted off for the exit door, and yes, dragging the passed out stunt lady.
Mark felt as if he had a halo above his head, the water balloon inside him finally set free. But he had to race when he saw his phone buzzing with notifications, all of them belonging to his manager or the group chat of the members chanting same syllables ‘Where are you’ ‘show starts in 2′ ‘get yo ass here’. It did not take the rapper too while before he reached the green room, the makeup artists and stylists immediately wrapping themselves around him with brushes and hair sprays. He was smiling, genuinely smiling as he replayed the encounter he just had. Johnny raised an eyebrow with an amused grin on his face. 
“What’s with the smile, bro?” Johnny pulls up some random exercises to relieve the tension in his muscles.
Instead of dodging his question, Mark replied, still smiling, but wider. “The pee voyage was a nice one.”
Johnny judged the younger for a second before chuckling and heading towards the stage. The loud noises from the fans echoed throughout the whole arena, full of green lightsticks gleeming like blossoming spring garden. No wonder I called them grass, Mark thought. But today, he was looking for a rather specific individual, his eye scanning almost all the faces in the crowd. He hoped to see you again, smiling gleefully as he performed, but thought that it was too greedy of him to want this much in a span of a day. And so he performed, for the first time without any pressure of doing good, enjoying every moment of the stage he was on and yet again, wished that maybe, maybe your paths will collide with his again.
.
.
.
part 2
65 notes · View notes
whiskery-louis · 3 years
Text
Surprise
**as you all will come to find out I am a die hard Louis girl and I just had this idea stuck in my head all day. Hope you like it!
*Louis Tomlinson x reader
*little bit of smut at the end
*please give feedback and interact with any of my work! means so much
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One more day, just one more day until you would get to see Louis. You kept repeating this over to yourself in your head as you made another call at work. The only thing getting you through the monotony of your day was that you were seeing him in only 24 hours. Due to Covid your relationship had come to a halt, the two of you were only casually seeing each other for about three months due to his job, but you knew you wanted it to be more. And then out of nowhere the whole world shut down and you suddenly had to endure months of facetimes and texting. All you had wanted was him to ask you to fly out and stay with him, but he had Freddie and you knew he had to put his child's safety above yours. 
Thankfully the clocked ticked to 5:00pm and you were done for the day. You slammed the lid of your laptop closed as you made your way to the kitchen to look for some dinner and pour yourself a glass of wine.
Hey love, how was your day? 
Your phone chimed from the counter, you saw his name and a small smile spread over your lips. You replied with a photo of your glass and a thumbs down emoji. Before you even had the chance to put your phone down his face lit up the screen.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, concern clearly written across his face.
“Just the usual, getting yelled at by customers for doing my job and not getting enough support from management.” you sighed. “It’s exhausting. I don’t even like my job Lou but it pays so well for me only just being out of school.”
“I’m sorry love. I wish I could be there to cheer you up.”
“It’s okay Louis, I get to see you tomorrow and nothing else matters today.”
At the mention of your trip his face dropped, your heart sinking along with it. You instantly knew something was wrong.
“What is it? What’s wrong?”
He sighed, “Brianna doesn’t think it’s a good idea. She said if I go she doesn’t know if she’ll want me to see Freddie unless I quarantine after. She doesn’t want to risk him getting sick and honestly I don’t either. It would kill me if he got Covid because of me.”
Your heart felt heavy, and you felt the tears prick the back of your eyes. “Oh,” you muttered. “I get it Lou, of course I do. Freddie’s health has to come first. We can reschedule...again.” 
“Hey now, I didn’t say I was canceling.” A small frown forming on his lips.
“You didn’t have to,” you said sadly. “It’s Freddie, and I wouldn’t want him to get sick, or you, or Brianna because of a silly trip.”
“No don’t say that, it’s more than just a silly trip Y/N. But it's also not the safest time.” He sighed again running a hand through his already messy hair. “I’m so sorry babe, I know how much you were looking forward to your time away. I was too, god I just want to be with you. Fuck Covid.” 
You had a sad smile on your lips as you picked up your glass and took a large sip. “You can say that again,” you scoffed involuntarily. “Really Louis, we can figure something else out when things clear up. I’ll call Sara and see if she can get off and we can do a winery trip or something. But I gotta go, I wanted to get a walk in before it starts to rain. I’ll call you later.”
You gave him another small smile before ending the call. You finished the rest of your wine and headed into your bedroom to change before heading out. You had lied to get off the phone, but part of you hoped that a walk would clear your mind but all it did was give you more time to wallow in your disappointment. 
It felt like all the joy that had been building over the past weeks was just sucked out of you. It was going on four months of not seeing him and you didn’t know how much longer you would be able to do this. The two of you had only been seeing each other for about three months before quarantine happened, and since then you had only been able to hang out about five times, never for longer than a week at a time. It wasn’t the ideal way to begin a relationship, and honestly you weren’t even sure where you stood with him. The two of you had never actually put a label on what you were doing. You wanted more, you wanted all of him and wanted to give him all of you, but the universe seemed to be doing everything in its power to keep you apart.
And you wanted to be mad at him, you really did, but you knew the concerns were valid. It was always the same promises you made each other only for them to be broken. Sighing you headed back home, planning to finish the bottle of wine you opened and drown your sorrows with some ice cream. 
I canceled the Airbnb, I’m so sorry babe. We’ll figure something out soon. Xx
His text sent you over the edge, and you turned your phone off as the tears began falling down your face. You kept reminding yourself that you weren’t even officially dating but he still managed to consume your every thought. You were planning on talking to him about it on your trip and now you lost your chance. It wasn’t a conversation you wanted to have over the phone.
You put Criminal Minds on knowing a rom-com would just make you more upset due to your weak emotional state. “Fuck Covid,” you muttered to yourself as you stuffed your face with ice cream. 
Six episodes and two bottles of wine later and you managed to stop feeling sad. You fumbled for your phone in the dark trying to figure out how late it was. You cursed as you hit your hand on the edge of the coffee table.
“Alexa lights on,” at the sound of your voice the string lights illuminated your small living room. Where the fuck did you put your phone, you threw the blankets you were using on the floor and heard a thud. “Found it,” you muttered. You turned it back on and were shocked that you had no missed messages or calls from Louis, you just assumed he was taking the time to process his feelings just like you were. You were also surprised to see that it was past 10 pm. You were so enthralled in your show that you lost track of time. Thankfully it was Friday and you could sleep in tomorrow. You began cleaning up your mess before heading for bed.
As soon as you entered your room you heard knocking on your front door. You instantly looked around for a weapon, since you spent the night watching a show about serial killers you assumed the worst. You panicked and grabbed the lamp off your bedside table. As you were inching your way down the hallway the person knocked again. 
You reached the door and bent slightly to look out the peephole.
“Fuck!” you yelled as you put the lamp down and all but ripped the door off the frame. “Louis! What are you doing here?” you threw yourself at him.
“Oh fuck its so good to see you,” he kissed the top of your head through his mask.
You pulled back and looked up at him in amazement. “I don’t understand, how are you here? After our call I never expected…” you trailed off at a loss for words.
“Well are you going to let me in?” he chuckled as you moved over and pulled him in and shut the door behind him. He looked around your house with a slight smile on his face.
“What’s the look for?”
“This is exactly how I pictured your place to be.” he had taken his mask off and shoved it in his pockets and you could see that he had a slight stubble coming in.
“Well you have seen it in photos and during our video calls.”
He laughed slightly as he shrugged his jacket and shoes off. “I know but it's the little things. Like the photos on the wall, the five blankets on your couch. Everything just has your touch to it. It's perfect.” he ended his little speech as his eyes fell back on you, the smile so huge on his face that it gave him the cutest crinkles around his eyes.
His beauty took your breath away and you could feel the tears pricking at the back of your eyes again. He sensed the change in your mood instantly.
“Hey hey, what’s wrong?” his hands engulfed yours, pulling you down onto the couch with him.
“I just can’t believe you are here and I’m not dreaming. How did this happen?”
You leaned into his side, tracing the tattoos on his arms that were wrapped around you. You had never been more content in your life, this is all you had wanted all throughout quarantine and he was finally here.
“Something didn’t feel right after our call earlier. I just knew that I couldn’t wait any longer to see you. Covid has messed enough up for us and I wasn’t going to let it ruin another weekend.”
“But what about Freddie?”
“I called Brianna before I bought my ticket and we agreed as long as I don’t go anywhere and test negative when I go back, that I could still see him and not have to wait the 14 days. So I booked the next flight and here I am.”
“So you mean to tell me that we’re gonna be stuck inside the whole time you are here?” 
He was looking at you so intently as he answered, “I hope that’s okay with you Y/N. I have missed you so much since the last time we were together and I need to see you, to be with you. I-I...my feelings for you are very apparent when we are apart and I’m not the best with words but I want to be with you. I want you to be mine Y/N.”
You were floored at his words. Louis had never been one to openly express how he was feeling, it was always like pulling teeth. And through all the curveballs that had been thrown at you over the past few months you would have never guessed that he felt this way. You looked up at him, his eyes searching your face for a reaction.
“Y/N please say something.”
You reached up and pulled his face down to you, your lips attaching to his. He pulled you closer as he deepened the kiss, his hands rubbing circles on your lower back. You broke away resting your forehead on his.
“Louis I am all in, I always have been. I’ve been wanting you to say that for so long.” you kissed him again. “You are all I have ever wanted”
The grin that lit up his face was contagious and you knew you had a similar one plastered on yours.
“This is just the beginning for us love,” he pulled you closer and kissed the top of your head once more. “If we can make it through these past months, we can make it through anything. As long as we are together that is all I need.”
You just nodded in agreement, placing a light kiss on his chest.
“You know Louis, there is one thing that could make this night better.” you looked up at him with a smirk on your face.
“Oh hmm, and what would that be?”
“Why don’t you follow me?” you stood up coyly and grabbed his hand so he would come with you to your room.
He stopped short leaning against your bedroom door. You looked back at him in confusion. “Aren’t you coming?”
“I want to hear you say it.”
“Say what?”
“What do you want to do to make this night better?” there was a huskiness to his voice that hadn't been there previously. 
Two can play at this game you thought. You met his glare with a smirk on your face, your hands went down to the hem of your sweatshirt and you slowly pulled it over your head so you were standing in front of him in only a pair of shirts, your breasts on full display.
“I want you to fuck me Louis. I want your hands all over me, I want you to show me what I’ve been missing these last four months. I want you inside me.”
Your eyes still locked on him, you slowly pulled your shorts down and as you threw them across the room, Louis closed the gap between the two of you, his mouth finding yours as his hands were on your body. One on your hip, pulling you close to him and the other massaging your breast.
Normally the two of you would engage in mind blowing foreplay but there was no need tonight. It had been a long four months apart and soon Louis was filling you up and you were moving along with him. The sex was always good between the two of you but tonight was something more. 
“Faster,” you muttered against his lips, your hands were wrapped around his backs leaving marks to claim him as yours.
“Fuck Y/N,” he breathed into your neck as he burried himself further into you.
“I’m almost there Louis.”
He picked his head up and locked eyes with you as his pace increased. “I know baby me too, let go.” He leaned down and pressed his lips against yours, the two of you releasing at the same time.
He pulled himself out and rolled onto the bed next to you, wrapping you in his arms.
“Ya know love, I have to give it to you, that did make tonight better.”
“Mhm,” you sighed as you rolled your eyes and moved closer to him. “I’m so glad you’re here Louis. Best surprise ever.”
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phantomnostalgist · 3 years
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Ethan Freeman Phantom interview
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An interview with Ethan Freeman from about 1994 or 1995, printed in “Beneath the Mask” #8 (which I haven’t found my print copy of yet, but the interview was reproduced on our old POTO fan site). 
Also of note about Ethan: at the time he was one of the two youngest actors to have played the Phantom - he and Anthony Warlow were both 28 or 29 when first cast in the role.
Are there any differences between London and Vienna - if so, what are they? The general tone of the production in Vienna was slightly more Operetta-like, probably due to the language, the sound of the translation and style of acting of some of the players. The tempo was also at some points quite different depending on who was conducting, and would undoubtedly feel strange to me now. The audience tended to be less tuned in to the humorous moments in the show in general, and some scenes like "Managers I & II" for example, simply run better and are more clever in English.
How did you get the role? I got the role of the Phantom after auditioning for Hal Prince and Gillian Lynne and the Viennese producer and musical staff. They appeared very excited about the audition. I'd sung "Music of the Night" which they praised in a friendly manner (Hal is always positive and encouraging), and they sent me off to learn the segment from the Final Lair "Order your fine horses... This is the choice. This is the point of no return!" When I came back the next day to do it (the Phantom candidates appeared by then to have been reduced to three) Hal said "OK Ethan I want you to scare me!" So I did the section with as much power and venom as I could muster (Id never seen the show - I think Id heard the record once or twice...) and after it was done, Hal just said "Great. You scared me!" and that was that really. Later that day they explained to Alexander Goebel and me what they would like and would we be willing to share, obviously with Alex, who was very well known, being the dominant of the two. So we split 5/2 which frequently ended up being 4/3 as the run went along.
How did you research the character? I read the novel finally, all the way through. Ruth Hale, my partner in "Cats" at the time, later to premiere as Mme Giry in the Hamburg production, gave me a copy as a present. I'd seen several of the films over the years so I knew there wasn't much to be mined from those - although Lon Chaney Snr did display some magnificent body language, and I've nicked at least one dramatic gesture from him. Principally though, I had several long meetings with Hal in New York to talk about the role and show. He instructed me to go watch Michael a few times then come back and talk some more. Crawford was magnificent, at the peak of his vocal power and still fairly fresh in the role and I was moved and impressed as I have not been since by a Phantom. (Though Dave Willetts, I must say, also made a huge impression the first time I saw him, for his power and well-delineated psychotic behaviour.) At first I thought boy, you've got your work cut out for you on all fronts. So, I would say my "research" of the role was principally based on my own discussions with Hal and also largely on my own thoughts and feelings. Obviously most of the physical manifestations of the role, make-up, costume, blocking, etc were predetermined so there wasn't much scope for change. To be honest, I feel some of the Phantoms I've seen tend, in an effort to be different, to stray from the basic line of the drama and weaken themselves as a result. Michael's acting was extreme, yet very clear and economical at the same time, and I also try to offer the audience a complicated and ambiguous character going through clear, unambiguous moments of his life - otherwise it's so easy for the audience not to "get" everything that's there - or to "get" things that aren't intended to be there at all.
How do you feel on stage? So varied in thought and feeling that I can't really give a concise answer. I feel quite differently now to how I felt 600 odd shows ago. I used to have to concentrate on staying concentrated - now it just happens. I know what to achieve and just try to let it happen. I'd say I'm both in and out of Erik at the same time and he in me.
Do you think it's based on a true story ie. did the Phantom exist? I doubt it - I haven't read this newer novel "Phantom" yet and don't intend to until I finish playing the part. However I've been to the Palais Garnier and in all senses of the word it is a 'phantastic' theatre, one which easily conjures up many stirring images - beautifully represented in the Phantom designs, I'd say!
What do you think of Erik? I wish he'd let me have a little more time to myself! Oh, I don't know. He's a sad, bitter, brilliant man. He has a great brain and can be a real bastard. I find him easy to understand - he's motivated by a terrible profound loneliness and has been forced to create his own universe which has its own laws. Anyone who has known some kind of loneliness or feeling of apartness when they were children or growing up can tune in to this crucial aspect of the Man, which is his great mythical attraction. He is so powerful, awesome, in control and yet so hurt and vulnerable. He must epitomise great beauty and great ugliness at war with each other, reason and insanity, God/Satan, Id/Ego battling it out. In the end, he learns about sacrifice, shows mercy and is redeemed by love - a great, archetypal Romantic drama - another reason why the story has always been so popular. I can't stand it when I see Erik played as a "nutter". Yes, he goes "crazy" a few times, but in general he is not insane in the pathological sense. I feel if he is played as a schizophrenic or a psychopath, the romantic ideal of the story is dashed, because both of those conditions would indicate a "determination" that makes any hope of redemption impossible, and would break with the "Romantic" style. He is very melancholy, angry, egocentric, neurotic perhaps, and goes off into rages of frustrated sexuality, but he is not insane. And I'll kill anyone who thinks otherwise!
What do you think happens to him at the end? That's our little secret! I think the different fan magazines have probably spent pages on that so I don't see I need to contribute. He goes!
Why do you think the show is so appealing? Some lovely songs, great orchestrations, a nice mixture of melodrama and light comedy, some stunning sets and a lot of good theatrical magic: and on the thematic side, many of the things I've mentioned before, which I suppose you could define as the archetypal Beauty and the Beast scenario which, if honestly portrayed, can tug the heartstrings of even the most urbane Japanese businessman.
What is your favourite role of those you've played? Obviously Phantom is the supreme role in my repertoire to date. I did however, really enjoy my stints in other Lloyd Webber shows as well. Che in "Evita" was very cool to play and Gus/Growltiger, while exceedingly 'uncool' thanks to the heavy knitted costumes, was a joy to play, despite being totally knackering, and one that I was surely born to do. I really enjoyed doing Hajj, the Poet in "Kismet" with the BBC Radio 2 last year, working with the composers, and would love to have the chance to do that again on stage someday.
What role would you like to play? I'd quite hope to have a go at Sweeney Todd somewhere down the line and would still like to play the Celebrant in "Bernstein's Mass" at some point. (I've nearly done that a couple of times.) Add to that a heap of great operatic roles I'd love to do but probably never will and whatever new, unknown roles lie lurking up ahead. We'll wait and see!
End note from me - Ethan’s wrong about schizophrenia, but hey, this interview was 25 years ago and actors can’t be expected to be experts on mental illness. But I really love this interview, the depth he goes into, and how his sense of humour comes through too.
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dyketubbo · 3 years
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idrc about discourse on whether wilburs a good writer or not because in the end god people should stop fighting ccs fights for them and stop assuming that whenever a cc slightly complains it means they secretly have a grudge and that fans should take it super seriously and read way into it but also like. i remember seeing people complain abt wilbur having mumza lore that phil doesnt know about and i. kristin is her own person. the fandom knows that, right? like if wilbur isnt talking to phil about c!kristin its probably because hes talking. to kristin abt it.
and then theres complaints abt his cursed lore statements and of course on a joking level theyre funny but if you very seriously mean it when you say youre critical of wilbur because he says stuff like "my moms a fridge and technos my twin" or "i always saw c!tommy and c!tubbo as adults" then.... step back and chill a little. hes made it clear that the people involved talked to him, theyre all clearly comfortable talking about it publically and joking about it and joking about wilburs tendency to have cursed lore
then complaints about him calling himself the head writer (which is,, whatever? if your collab rps dont have a head writer/head writers ok but. some do, it happens, all rps are different), complaints about him not working other characters arcs into his own (which.. eh? he doesnt have to. theres like, 30 characters, and people have made it clear that theyll follow stories like the eggpire and foolsamponk regardless of if wilburs included or not), then a weird double edged sword of "wilbur shouldnt write for other people because the story is naturally done best when theres multiple stories going on" and "wilbur should include everyone in the story and shouldnt be so tunnel visioned and talk to everyone"
and in the end its like. idk. i think people are a bit *too* comfortable reading into cc dynamics.... of course theres writing decisions to nitpick but like. its a story ran mostly by adults with only four kids (not counting drista, since her character is more a comedic side character), all of which clearly have stood their ground and the three that work with wilbur actively express joy in interacting with his writing. phils expressed excitement, technos wishes are, afaik, generally respected. wilburs expressed general sadness at not being able to focus on various characters stories (like niki), the ones who wilbur doesnt focus on have clearly held their own (*especially* everyone involved in the eggpire god cheers to them esp bbh). just.. idk. its all fun and games on the surface and im not saying dont criticize the writing or wilbur at all but like. dont fight fights you arent apart of. dont assume things of cc dynamics that would make them uncomfortable. dont be weird, basically. wilburs a real person, not just some punching bag that you can hate on just bc he wont see it lol
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