#god. there's a fic there innit....... hmm. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

whats-rambled-rambled · 3 years

Text

Long Nights - playlist

You can find it on Spotify here.

Eddie Vedder - Long nights

I’ve already talked about it in another post a bit, so--

For the first time, I had a full series figured out even before I started writing. All the arcs, main plot points, even the final conversation! I even had a 3h long playlist with all the songs that would come in handy along the way, but still, none of them was the one (so basically same thing that happened with Smoke series)

I started thinking about the main theme and/or drive for our new Reader, and then it hit me. There already is a story with that vibe, and it has such an amazing soundtrack.

So I opened Spotify and browsed through the album.

And I found it.

The overall mood was not something that was going to be helpful at the beginning of the series, but oh my, those lyrics were it for all the things I had planned.

//Have no fear

For when I'm alone

I'll be better off than I was before//

That’s R, all right. Not afraid to be alone, she prefers it. Nothing can hurt her, unlike when she gets too invested. Commitment issues and whatnot.

//Long nights allow me to feel...

I'm falling...I am falling

The lights go out

Let me feel

I'm falling

I am falling safely to the ground//

Knowing what I was about to put R through, this looks only fitting, don’t you think?

Chapter 1: Sigrid - Don’t kill my vibe

I could see LN!R so clearly. I wanted to explore some of my favourite rogue tropes, and she was perfect for it. In my head, she was definitely younger than the other two from my previous series. A bold type, a joker, but serious when it comes to her craft. Not with the same heavy emotional baggage (not at the start, at least - I felt like, opposed to Smoke!R who was more about distracting herself when she felt too much, our new R would be more about denial, or hiding her issues behind her jokes).

I found this song on some random playlist, and I knew it was her.

//You shut me down, you like the control

You speak to me like I'm a child

Try to hold it down, I know the answer

I can shake it off and you feel threatened by me

I tried to play it nice but

Oh-oh-oh, ooh, ooh

Don't kill my vibe

Oh-oh-oh, ooh, ooh

Don't break my stride//

To me, that was that moment she gets dragged into the car. Not having the obvious lies TP feeds her, definitely finding them all and the stuff they throw at her hilarious, calling them out on their bullshit without thinking twice over it.

//Guess you're surprised I'm the puzzle you can't figure out//

That got me an idea for part 2 and the coffee situation - come on, you know I can’t resist that trope when it comes to Neil, I think it’s an excellent way to get to know the characters a little bit and tell something more about the dynamic.

Tom Grennan - I might

To me, it’s another character introduction song.

//Oh I love, oh I love, love my freedom//

....you already know what I’m getting at, right?

//Don't want no one taking up my time

Staying on my mind, changing up my life

Don't want no one messing up my bed

Fucking with my head, it's no lie//

That’s her. R hates to be manipulated, that’s why she’s mad at Mahir. I didn’t want to put all the angst here, but I knew there was something deeper hidden there, after his comment about her trust issues. I didn’t know what exactly, but I knew it would come in handy later.

There was one spin on the story I was playing with - where she actually lets them all lead her on for a while, a whole elaborate ruse to get her invested and onboard, but that was a lot of drama quite early on, and I wanted this to be a lighter series (oh shush, I am well aware how that played out in the end, I tried, alright? Not my fault I apparently can’t come up with a story without sprinkling it with a shitload of angst)

//But when you look at me like that

I might//

See, this is when I stopped. I didn’t think R would be falling head over heels for Neil right from the start. That’s why the heart beating faster at the end of the chapter was supposed to be about the lock and something finally sparking her curiosity, taking her out of the boredom of everyday life.

Kings of Leon - Find me

That’s more chapter-specific.

//I really wanna know your name

See your face, know who you are, who you are

How did ya find me, how did ya find me?

What are you looking for, are you looking for

How did ya find me how did ya find me

Up in the shadow, picking up my load//

I found it quite fitting the moment R meets Neil again and he drags her to a back alley, and then again, in the car. She isn’t scared, more like fascinated, she finds the whole thing exciting, even.

American Authors - I’m born to run

Oh my god, the vibe of this song! This is that need for freedom and carelessness I needed to tap into.

//I'm gonna live my life like I'm gonna die young

Like it's never enough, like I'm born to run

I'm gonna spend my time like tomorrow won't come

Do whatever I want like I'm born to run

I wanna see Paris, I wanna see Tokyo

I wanna be careless even if I break my bones

I'm gonna live my life like I'm gonna die young

Like it's never enough, like I'm born to run

All these things I've seen and done

I live my life like I'm born to run//

The Pretty Reckless - Prisoner

Another random song I found one day while I was cooking breakfast. I was like “oooh, I dig that!” and then I listened to the lyrics and I knew I needed it for this story.

//You could have my body

But you can't have me

I know I'm a criminal

Don't you tell on me//

That’s it. Her. I knew that would be handy for the moment Neil breaks after all the teasing. And that criminal bit. I mean - come on!

Missy Elliot - Work it

(This is technically part 2 but it was messing with the flow on the playlist and I’m leaving it here)

Okay, this is quite meta and corny, because this is probably one of the oldest jokes you can find for Tenet, and I’ve been battling with myself if I should even put it here, but I referenced it in the chapter, so here we are. I’ve loved this song for years, and when I was trying to think what would R listen to while she tries to clear her head while she works on the bloody inverted lock - that was the only thing that seemed appropriate.

//Come on

Is it worth it? Let me work it

I put my thang down, flip it and reverse it

Ti esrever dna ti pilf nwod gnaht ym tup i//

...you see what I mean?

Chapter 2: Praise you

God, okay, this song - when I heard it while I was working on the story, it brought a movie-like montage of scenes in front of my eyes. You know the type, when they try to show you how the time passes, how someone progressively becomes better at something. That was Neil, working on those locks. R giving him tips, then teasing him. The way he loses his cool, only to slowly gain confidence, and then how she ups her game, both of them getting their bits of satisfaction from the whole game.

//We've come a long long way together

Through the hard times and the good

I have to celebrate you baby

I have to praise you like I should//

Have I ever told you when exactly I got the idea for the series? When I was writing that hostage situation fic and the moment R remembers her lockpicking sessions. I thought - what if it was the other way around? What if that was Neil who was about to start learning about picking locks?

It had so much potential for ✨hand content✨ and how could I resist?

...And I knew that R would see what I’m seeing, and she would rather like it. And the image of a very flustered Neil while she teases the hell out of him? Yep, yep, yep.

Sam Fender - Start again

This one definitely starts that montage as well, the repetition of going over and over again. Even if the whole song is definitely heavier than I needed, I decided to keep it, mostly for this part:

//Let's start again

Let's learn to talk

Without the fear of being heard

'Cause everybody's listening to everything and everybody

Let's pull the cord

Move below

Let's start again//

Chapter 3: Billy Raffoul - Difficult

Ah, Billy. And when I found this one, I got goosebumps, because I instantly knew that if I had to choose one song for them, it would probably be this one.

//You never get lost in love, you only get lost in me

You never can get enough of whatever you think you need

No matter how hard I try I never can beat this rush

Ain't nobody get me high, feel lighter when we touch//

This fits them so well, innit? We know how R feels about this whole love thing, she enjoys a good shag, and I had a feeling that after such a build-up, that night together would be something quite amazing, for both of them.

//We never get lost in love, we only get lost in sheets

You'd rather just shut me off whenever we get too deep//

That’s the moment when they have a vibe check in the morning. They had fun. Is it gonna affect their dynamic? They’re attracted to each other, they understand one another. Can they keep it casual? We know that R can, or at least she thinks so, but what about Neil? We know he’s a soft idiot, but I specifically imagined a bit younger version of him for this story - he had to be, if he was just learning about lockpicking. So the whole “no dating, just sex” could be fine with him for a while, but would he catch feelings anyway? Probably, yeah. And sooner than later.

//And now I'm standing in the rain

And your hair, it's falling in your face

And I know we're doing the right thing//

Not the rain, but shower, kinda works too, right? And I already knew that the rain would be a pretty important factor a little bit further into the story.

//But I can't help wondering, who will take my place?//

Ouch.

//On and off, difficult

Too in love to let it go

Now, who's gonna hold me like you do?//

The emotions in this bit, dear lord. It’s this high that takes your breath away, sweeps you off your feet, scorches the reality, and leaves no survivors.

That being said, I don’t think they are really in love at this point. They really care for each other, though, that’s where the softness comes from.

//Hmm who's gonna hold you like I do?//

I literally gasped when I heard that last line. Hits right in the heart, just as I like it.

Rhys Lewis - Waking up without you

There’s something in this song that makes it incredibly sexy. It was great for the morning after vibe, where they don’t really have enough of each other yet.

//Skin on skin

We didn't finish what we started

Heart to heart

I'm missing your love//

Keir - Probably

The way it flows? How powerful the chorus is? It’s heavy, hot, and just makes my heart beat faster.

//Colliding were the walls

And I forget where I began

I wish I could remember love//

Holy fuck. It always makes me think of something awakening deep inside R, definitely not ready to be acknowledged at that moment in the story.

//Probably underneath

There's a remedy

Possibly in the air

In the oxygen I breathe

Probably//

And this part is just mind-blowing. There’s this longing there, and if that feeling isn’t perfect for something more steamy, then I don’t know what is.

Dermot Kennedy - Glory

This one just… expands my heart? I don’t know how else to explain it. Especially the chorus. And then when I think of it in the context of the story, I somehow place it in TP’s office, when Neil gets all protective and doesn’t want to risk taking Reader on a mission where something can so easily go wrong, only because he isn’t prepared enough.

//A set of eyes had pinned him

Became his version of a kingdom

She's everything the devil can't be

When she's singing to me "Glory"//

Maybe that’s when he starts to realize that he cares more than he thought.

Rhys Lewis - Living in The City

If the previous song was Neil’s perspective, we’re back to R. Just look at the lyrics:

//I've been living in the city too long

I've been given everything that I've got

Been a sinner and a saint

Crazy, and sane

I've been living in the city too long//

We’re kinda circling back to part 1, that need to skip town, right?

//There's a part of my soul that wants to let go

Wants to just run away

But the rest of my soul says I should stay

I should stay//

And now we’re back when she can say that the mission is not her problem, she did the best she could, and TP can go fuck himself. Is it just that she feels responsible for her student? Or she likes him enough so she has to make sure he succeeds and comes back? Or she sees a friend in need, something to open, and doesn’t think twice about it?

Chapter 4: Bastille - World gone mad

God, do I love this song.

//So this is where we are

It's not where we had wanted to be

If half the world's gone mad

The other half just don't care, you see

You don't want to fuck with us

British to the very last

When it feels like the world's gone mad

And there's nothing you can do about it

No there's nothing you can do about it//

It felt so accurate for the part when R gets to see all that inverted reality? There’s a slight heaviness of heart there, and it matches the mood when she feels overwhelmed. On the other hand, there’s a bit of hope, the feeling of not being alone in this mad world, and that’s all that matters.

Who’s Molly - Touch the sky

Badass. Pure and simple. It hypes you up, brings a smile to your face, makes you believe everything is possible.

//We can never see beyond that horizon.

And no one knows this road and where it's going to lead.

But there's one thing, one thing that's for certain.

We'll make it through.

If you were here with me.//

That softer bit with inverted guns. And later on, throughout the chapter. They both find comfort in each other’s presence on the mission, after all.

//I wasted so much time trying to find a meaning.

I never looked up, couldn't seem to turn around.

And then you crashed in, and you gave my life a reason.

You pick me up, so high and my feet won't touch the ground, no no no.

Never would have thought I could win this battle.

I was left for dead, every hope in tatters.

We're going to set the world alight tonight.

Cause we can touch the sky!//

That’s the excitement and fun they’re having on the training grounds, not at all stressed about what’s to come.

//Close your eyes, free your soul.

You feel it, don't try it, then you’ll never know.//

Ah, and we’re here at my favourite reference to feeling something, thank you Mr Nolan, sir, so useful.😌

Dermot Kennedy - Young & free

Another one by Dermot Kennedy, and definitely not the last.

//All that she said to me stays with me, never to die

Held me brand new in the silence that went through the pines

Like I said already darling, I don't want you looking back at all the ghosts left behind

Know you'll stay near me so road remains hopeful this time

We were young

We were free, come on now, let it go//

The little whiplash in the mud, where they share a short moment, before they follow with the crackheadery, maybe partly to push back from coming close to something more meaningful. Because it’s there already, kindling, waiting to be spotted and recognized.

James Gillespie - Don’t let me get me

Okay, so - the original song by P!nk was always something that resonated with me, so when Spotify recommended that one, I was like “okay, I’m not sure why but let’s try it.” And then it brought me to that scene in the container.

//I'm a hazard to myself

Don't let me get me

I'm my own worst enemy

It's bad when you annoy yourself

So irritating//

To be honest, I didn’t plan on R to have such a strong case of a mean brain. It was supposed to be a lighter series 🙃. But as you already know, those characters have minds of their own, and it kinda sorta happened. I knew it would be more of a simple panic than full-blown panic attacks that haunted StuckIn!R, topped with pretty loud intrusive thoughts causing her to spiral, especially when she was exhausted.

Ruelle - Oh my my

Listen to that one and tell me you don’t want to go on a sneaky mission, I dare you. I even had it noted as my title song, but then I switched to Bastille.

//I can feel it in my bones, in my bones

Hear it rumble like a drum, like a drum

Like a vapor in the wind, in the wind

You never see us creeping in, creeping in

Oh my my, oh my my

You never stood a chance

...

Ready or not, here we come//

The vibe is just amazing. The low-key hype? Is that a thing? It must be. And those drums! Even quite fitting for a patter of rain, one might argue.

Speaking of rain--

Chapter 5: Dermot Kennedy - After rain

The title alone is perfect for this chapter, but the rest of it - my poor heart. This chapter and the finale have some of the most beautiful and/or heart-wrenching songs I’ve ever heard, and this one is definitely one of them.

//But it's alright because

You cause lanterns to light

And force demons disperse

And if Lucifer may fear the swift drying of tears

Then, for evil, you could not be worse

But I see you now, yeah, I see you

And release me now, kinda like dreams do

And I see you now, was hard to see you

Just don't forget to sing

Remember everything//

So we have Neil storming off from the bathroom because he’s clearly going through something. The immense guilt brewing inside him, overflowing and backfiring, when he can’t cope with seeing her so battered, knowing that she may never fully recover, and just because he hesitated out there. The fear is there, but also other feelings he tries to keep in check now.

I had that image of R asking him to stay, then just breaking down in the darkness. I was aware it would only add to the issues Neil already had, but it would be nothing compared to the fact that she needs him, and he’d be ready to push everything that bothered him away to comfort her.

Humming a lullaby that he promised her in the container. And R recognized it (kind of), because he used parts of it to plead with her to stay with him after the fall, so she could one day hear the whole thing, because she took that rain check and she needed to cash it in, right?

...yeah, I like breaking my own heart, why? (should I write that part one day?)

//If you think just maybe it's her

Then promise me, young man, you're gonna let her know

You won't go lonely, yeah

It'll all be better in the morning

'Cause while you sleep, I'll build a wall//

Aquillo - Six feet over ground

Whenever I hear this song now, my mind goes to that scene in the bathroom.

//Today's the day I found myself alright

When I look ahead, pretend it never came.

I found a way to keep my head above

But the hardest part is to say 'No it's not'

Well I'm okay, and I'm still breathing

I'm still six feet over ground

But you don't need to know now

You don't need to know how I'm doing//

They both hide how they really feel. That they are not okay. They’re both scared, blaming themselves. Reader doesn’t want to worry Neil too much, but she also tries to convince herself that she is fine. And a moment of peace they share shatters as soon as she downplays what happened aloud, and when Neil goes off, she hides behind yet another joke, and then behind a blindfold.

Aquilo - Silhouette

The one for when R tells Neil goodnight and then can’t fall asleep. //Devil's on your shoulder

Strangers in your head

As if you don't remember

As if you can forget

It's only been a moment

It's only been a lifetime

But tonight you're a stranger

Some silhouette //

When he comes to check in on her, and something feels off. She’s lost, yet finds enough strength to ask him to stay.

//Just hold me//

Nathan Ball - Drifting

//I can see in your eyes

When you lie awake at night

You convince yourself you're fine, it's alright

To keep on drifting

With the drugs keeping you high

They catch you falling from the sky

I keep asking myself why

You stand by

And keep on drifting

…

So tell me what you hold inside

Tell the backstreets of your mind

You're still lonely as a child

Teary eyed

Kept on drifting//

Knowing our Reader a bit longer by now, I knew what would happen if she was to be left alone with her thoughts, in pain, and with Neil being weirdly distant.

Have you ever lied in bed, crying silently, trying not to wake up the person next to you but getting absolutely torn apart by the sadness roaring inside you? It’s a different kind of loneliness, not helping in the slightest when you’re biting back sobs. Anyway,--

//So take my hand and hold on

Take my hand don't let go//

That’s something that happened almost organically with these two. Part of their language, hand touches as a sign of support.

I gotta admit, I watched Shadow and Bone already being in the middle of writing the series and seeing how overused the hand-holding flashback was... it there made me slightly cringe every time it came up in the story I was writing later on. On the other hand (hah), it was so them. It had to stay.

Dean Lewis - Need you now - Acoustic

//Cold light wakes me in the morning,

Your side is empty I was calling out to you,

I was calling out to you.//

That’s the next day after R’s breakdown, but check out the next lyrics.

//But I don't need your love,

I just need your

Talking next to me when I wake up, wake up

Talking next to me when I wake up next to you,

When I'm hungover too.

Cause you're the only one who comes when I'm lonely,

You're the only one who comes when I'm lonely for you,

When I'm lonely for you.

All that I need is a sweet escape,

And all that I need is a sweet escape.

...

Cause I don't need your love

But I just need you now

And I don't need your love

I just need you now//

This, y’all, is R, still convinced that it’s not about love, and it’s so perfectly put into words, but the music and the vocals are dripping with longing, making it even more spot-on for the occasion.

RHODES - Breathe

The emotions captured in this… holy shit. They clench my chest and make me struggle for breath. This could have been a song playing in the background when R wakes up from a nap to Neil having a breakdown of his own.

//Mind break in two,

There's a light in the sky, there's a light

And it's all for you

Dawn colors all

Tell me how do you feel?

Tell me how do you need to heal?//

Looking for his hand, only to find a clenched fist. And when she realizes he’s been crying and she hears how broken he is, that’s enough to make her heart shatter, doubly so because he’s agonizing over something she feels responsible for.

//Breathe, release it all

Come on now, I'll keep you warm

Come on!

Breathe, release it all

Come on now, I need your love

Come on now!//

To me, every “come on”, repeated with urgency, is how desperate she is to make him stop spiraling down when she kisses him, and then again, more purposefully, until he gives in and comes back to her.

Circa Waves - Fire that burns - Acoustic

The one for ✨the moment✨.

//Comfort me, oh comfort me

I'm lighting up

To see the day you run for me

You run for me, my love//

Because they both seek comfort in the act, two broken people mending whole in each other’s embrace. Ultimately, finding there something more, whether they are ready to acknowledge it or not.

//But I've been tied up

For days

And I've been thinking of the things that you say

And I've been wound up

Each way

I need to let you know, to let you know today//

Neil already knows how important she is to him. And that’s what he tries to say between the choked-out words, that he thought he’d lost his chance to tell her how much she means to him.

//You call me a liar

You call me so innocent

But you lit the fire

You lit the fire that burns

The fire that burns inside us

I'm not innocent

I lit the fire, the fire, the fire

I lit the fire//

Oh yes, that bit definitely seeped into the chapter.

The XCERTS - Feels like falling in love - alternative version

//Keep yourself safe, keep yourself safe she said

You broke your own heart but there's no need to lose your head

Keep yourself sane, keep yourself sane he said

You gotta give up, give up, give up the dark

To start again//

You can see it, right?

Outlining the whole story, I knew that part 5 would be the part when they fall in love, or realize that they already might be.

//And it feels like falling in, falling in love

Yeah it feels like falling in, falling in, falling in love

Could save me tonight//

The 1975 - Fallingforyou

//According to your heart

My place is not deliberate

Feeling of your arms

I don't want to be your friend, I want to kiss your neck

Don't you see me I

I think I'm falling, I'm falling for you

And don't you need me I

I think I'm falling, I'm falling for you

On this night, and in this light

I think I'm falling (I think I'm falling), I'm falling for you

And maybe you, change your mind//

They’re so vulnerable there. Everything Neil pours into the act sweeps R off her feet and she opens up and to let him feel the extent of how much she cares for him, unaware that it might be shifting into something from the territory she promised herself not to venture into. Because that’s not important then. Nothing else is. Just them. So simple.

Adam French - Weightless

The light and softness in this song remind me of another Weightless I used for the finale of the Smoke series.

That’s the moment after. Softness. Closeness. Bliss.

//I told ya that you were the only weight on my shoulders

You see you're gonna make it alright

How you're gonna make it alright

When you're gonna make it alright, alright, alright

You say your body will

Hold me in the night

...

Only you can make me weightless

...

Closer is all I ever wanted to be

There for ya so you can be confiding in me

There to break the fall

Here for everybody to see

Weightless after all//

Chapter 6: Declan J Donovan - Perfectly imperfect

I had the moment they fall in love. I knew how it was gonna end, the conversation with Mahir and how it goes from there. I thought that we need some calm before the storm that was bound to happen, and what’s better than a little domestic fluff? A time when they can see each other in a different setting, get to know one another even better. Fall even harder.

And my god, this song.

//You live like you're a secret

One that only I could know

'Cause I said

You know what I want and

I know who you are

I know when I hold you and love you

You'll get up and go before you fall apart//

...that last line hits different when you know what’s gonna happen later, right?

//I'll bring you every colour that I find

In your eyes

You wake me up

And it breaks my heart

That you're perfectly imperfect

You're hurting but you're worth it

You don't know why

I would waste my time

But I'm falling and I mean it

I want you like I need it

There's nothing you could try to change my mind

'Cause I'm in love

So call me when you want me and I'll come running

Find me waiting at your door

So tell me if you're lonely and it won't last long

'Cause I'm in love with you (you)//

That light when the song gets to the part about being in love -- there’s so much tenderness there, and it resonated with the story so much. And the perfectly imperfect line, so so good.

Bastille - Survivin’

The way the song swings and the hopeful vibe is just what I needed for this chapter.

//And I'm not gonna lie

Say I've been alright

'Cause it feels like I've been living upside down

What can I say? I'm survivin'

Crawling out these sheets to see another day

What can I say? I'm survivin'

And I'm gonna be fine

I'm gonna be fine

I think I'll be fine//

As much as Reader didn’t want Neil to be there with her for so long, she really enjoys his company, making the boring and still rather painful recovery period easier.

Ella Henderson, Tom Grennan - Let’s go home together - stripped

Ha, this one! The humour when they tease other words always brings a smile to my face. That playfulness just fits our duo’s dynamic so well.

//Maybe you'll like me the way I am//

Crazy concept, right? And with Neil learning to spot the times when she hides behind a joke, and still being there--

//Feels like I know you so well

You could be everything that I've been missing

I'm coming out of my shell

And I never do that

How did you do that?

It's like I've known you my whole life//

That’s exactly how she feels like. She intently doesn’t think about it though, because if she starts overthinking it… we know what happens. She’s allowing herself to be in the moment, however. And happy.

//You seem like someone I could be myself with, no defenses

Maybe you like me the way I am//

That brings me to all Neil’s animated rants, and how much he appreciates that she always listens. He feels accepted, and I don’t know, it melts my heart a little.

//Baby, I'm in love//

🙃

INXS - Need you tonight

I know I used a cover of this song for another playlist, but the vibe was so different, and you just have to bear with me. It’s one of those songs that sparks the ideas and images, and usually, they involve Neil being a tease and having way too much fun. And as I was plotting the chapter, I thought of R missing out on his shenanigans, and how he could make her see what he was doing, and 😳 oh my. I knew the imagination would run wild. (That definitely might have something to do with a certain scene from a certain movie and a conversation I had with M about how Neil would handle it)

//So slide over here and give me a moment

Your moves are so raw, I've got to let you know

I've got to let you know

You're one of my kind

I need you tonight

'Cause I'm not sleepin'

There's somethin' about you, girl

That makes me sweat//

That’s one sexy song, don’t judge me.

Dermot Kennedy - Days like this

Oh, would you look at that, it’s Dermot again! This one is for that scene on the balcony.

That quiet contentment, like everything fell in its place and life is alright.

//When it's not always raining, there'll be days like this

When there's no one complaining, there'll be days like this

When everything falls into place, like the flick of a switch

Oh my mama told me, there'll be days like this

When you don't need to worry, there'll be days like this

When no one's in a hurry, there'll be days like this

When you don't get betrayed by that old Judas kiss

Oh my mama told me, there'll be days like this//

They’re in the moment, comfortable in the relationship that blooms between them. More casual and laid-back throughout the day only to get more soft and intimate in the evenings, when the inner demons’ voices grow louder.

James Bay - Chew on my heart - acoustic

The way the chorus explodes? It makes me beam widely and my heart is about to burst.

//Take your time

I'll be right here

I know no one could ever love me better

Take all night

You're the truth that

Is breaking me and keeping me together

Together

I wanna be in your touch

Sleep is so tough

You're burning up my mind

What would it feel like if you tore me apart?

Come on chew on my heart

...

I'm on fire

I'm a hot mess

I'm thinking things that I might start regretting

So hear me out

I need you now

I'm spiraling

I'm sinking down

Look for me I'm sending up a message

A message//

I think it weirdly fits those times at night when Neil checks the bruises. When their minds wander to that first evening, and they still feel bad about how it ended up, the closeness brings them back to the present and grounds them.

Picture This - Unconditional

This one just makes my heart sing.

//This magic, I don't know what it is but we have it

Even when we're sleepless and damaged

I don't doubt it

We're holding on//

That’s exactly it.

//Baby I wish we could take this feeling

And put it away somewhere safe

'Til we need it

Unconditional

I'm so afraid of losing your love//

They don’t need big words. But they feel it, all right. Whether they are aware of it or not. And they are afraid of losing each other, now that they know how easily that could happen.

//Shivers running down my back with your fingers

The smell of your perfume it lingers

And whispers

What I want you to say

Under your skin, underdressed under covers

We bring out the best in each other

Two lovers finding our way//

The kiss, the touch, the skin on skin contact - some of the most powerful reminders that, for now, they’re safe.

BANNERS - Start a riot

But it’s not always about going all the way, because sometimes you just need to be held. And this song just speaks to me of all that tenderness, all the feelings clenching the heart so much they’re unable to say a word, just want to keep each other as close as they can. Just to make sure they’re really there.

//I will march down an empty street like a ship into the storm

No surrender, no retreat

I will tear down every wall

Just to keep you warm

Just to bring you home

I will burn this city down for a diamond in the dust

I will keep you safe and sound when there's no one left to trust

Will you take my hand?

We can make our stand

If your world falls apart

I'd start a riot

If night falls in your heart

I'd light the fire

In the dark, when you sound the alarm

We'll find each other's arms

For your love, all you are

I'd start a riot//

The lyrics are so beautiful, and there’s so much longing there, and the promise to protect each other, to be there for each other, to face whatever life might throw their way together.

Yeah, it makes me emotional, I absolutely love it. Speaking of emotional--

Chapter 7: Stone Sour - Wicked game - acoustic, live

When Spotify recommended this one to me, I almost skipped it. I’ve heard it a million times in different versions and I thought that there’s nothing to be found there. Oh, was I wrong.

I knew what was going to happen in the chapter - Mahir is about to confront R, surprised by what he sees. And he can clearly recognize that they’re idiots in love, even if they’re trying to lay low in the company. He knows what happened to R, why she’s so cautious and reluctant when it comes to any relationships that are more than simple hookups.

//The world was on fire and no one could save me but you

It's strange what desire will make foolish people do

And I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you

And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you//

Because that’s how it started, right? With desire. One could argue that our duo had solid banter before that, respect and understanding, all those things, sure. But ultimately, that was all that sexual tension, sparked by the playful teasing, that pushed them into each other’s arms in the first place.

//No, I don't want to fall in love

With you, with you

What a wicked game to play, to make me feel this way

What a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you//

And when Reader finally lets the thought in and it dawns on her that she is, in fact, in love - she goes into full panic. Not because she feels it’s unrequited, god, she’s not stupid, nor blind (too soon?). But she’s mad at herself that she allowed this to happen. She’s afraid that she’ll get hurt, and to avoid that, she has to run away. And that’s gonna hurt Neil as well, and she can’t stand that, hates herself for that, but she’s so scared that she can’t think of any other solution.

Before we get to that, however, there’s a bit more softness to be shared.

Lewis Watson - Little light

//And all this shade is, illuminating

And all those love lines, are taking shape

And all my worries, disintegrating

And I've been waiting, I've been waiting

And all my days were young and wasted

When I was waiting, oh for you

And all the plans that I've been chasing are always fading

But ever since I found you

A little light is breaking through//

Gotta admit, I had this one hidden in the playlists of other chapters, because it captures that feeling when your chest is filled with light and you’re simply happy. It ended up here, because it’s this feeling when R is melting a little inside when she looks at Neil, when she’s in his arms. And how Neil feels, too.

X Ambassadors - Renegades

Funny, I had this song for both times the team appears in the story. There’s this sense of camaraderie to it that I wanted to capture, when you’re with a bunch of people who are like family to you. You can tease them all you want, but at the same time you’d go into battle with them, knowing that you can count on them to have your six.

//Long live the pioneers

Rebels and mutineers

Go forth and have no fear

Come close and lend an ear

…

All hail the underdogs

All hail the new kids

All hail the outlaws

Spielbergs and Kubricks

It's our time to make a move

It's our time to make amends

It's our time to break the rules

Let's begin//

I wanted R to have a taste of that. To let her know that she’s appreciated for helping with the mission. To get to know them all better, and to make amends with TP, of sorts.

I didn’t want to make his motivation clear. He wouldn’t tell her that he knows how the story ends. That he can’t help that, deep down, irrationally, he made her responsible for it. Even if she’s not the one to blame. (And I don’t believe he let’s that happen, in the end, because that’s too much angst, even for me - again, fuck you, Mr Nolan, sir)

Corey Taylor, Dave Grohl, Rick Nielsen, Scott Reeder - From can to can’t

Christ almighty, this one is so raw! The emotional progression in here just blows my mind.

//Under the water

It's cold and it's grey

My torrid autumn

Another season decays

Open up the Hollow

And my walls come down

I tell you it's a problem

Just when no one's around

But then

I know what's wrong

God, you complicated everything

I know you're gone, gone, gone

This is where I will draw my line

I will draw my line//

To me, it’s the scene with R having a breakdown in the bathroom, and then somehow finding the solution. She has a plan, and enough strength and determination to pull through, at least for a moment.

Chapter 8: Dan Owen - Hideaway

I found this song by accident, and I almost screamed at how perfect it is for the finale (and then screamed for the second time when my dearest friend @connie-nikas casually sent me this exact song one day saying that it sounds like something I’d enjoy). The intensity just tears your heart out and makes you struggle to draw a breath, there’s something desperate to it, and I knew that it would be my go-to song for the part where R sleeps with Neil, trying one last time to drown all the pain and sorrow in his closeness.

I could just paste all the lyrics, to be honest, because that’s exactly what’s happening in the scene.

//It's a long way down

I keep backing away from the edge

And it's a slow burnout

Like the fires that rage in my head

And it's a slow cry out

When you've got so many tears you could die

And it's a long time to wait

When you take all my tears away//

Oh, she’s on the verge of tears, all right. Knowing quite well that as soon as Neil picks on them, he’s gonna stop to make sure she’s okay. That once he starts asking questions, she’s gonna fall into pieces, unable to lie to him.

//My body is colder

Time is frozen

All these feelings have poisoned my soul

And in silence no I can't stand it

Please break these chains and hell I can

Hideaway//

She’s scared that if she’s left alone with her thoughts, they will break her and make her stay. What she fears most (besides that she’s gonna end up betrayed, alone and heartbroken) is how Neil’s gonna react to her actions. The last thing she wants is to hurt him. She just hopes that maybe if she leaves now, it’s not gonna be as painful as it would be if she stayed a bit longer. That maybe he’s not fallen in too deep.

//You're my one way out

And my tears won't save me now

Save me now

I can't stand it

All this loneliness I feel

I can't do this alone

I need someone to remind my feelings

That I've fallen down by the door

It's a long way down and my tears won't save me now

It's a long way down

I keep backing away from the edge

And it's a slow burnout

Like the fires that rage in my head//

Macy Gray - I try

One of the first songs that came to my mind when I was composing the playlist for the series. It may be a tad too upbeat for my liking, hah, but parts of the lyrics are spot on, and it had to be there.

//I try to say goodbye and I choke (Yeah)

I try to walk away and I stumble

Though I try to hide it, it's clear

My world crumbles when you are not near

Goodbye and I choke (Yeah!)

I try to walk away and I stumble

Though I try to hide it, it's clear

My world crumbles when you are not near//

It makes me think of the time when they’re in the car. She’s going over the plan, kinda skipping the moment she’d have to say goodbye to Neil. That’s the unbearable part. And when he asks an innocent question and touches her, she crumbles and jokes. Partly to distract him from prodding further, but mostly to distract herself. I didn’t plan on them getting all worked up there, it...happened, but I figured it made for a decent ground for what was about to go down in the hotel room.

Belle Mt. - Hollow - acoustic

//She told me she was hollow

That's far from what I see//

That feeling you get when everything is too much and it leaves you hollow because you can’t take it anymore. A safety mechanism of sorts. It kicks in with Reader, and of course, Neil can sense that something is off. He hopes it’s just her being tired, he knows how she feels after spending too much time with people.

//I told her she was special

She almost let me in

But she couldn't bear the thought of digging up the heart that she's been burying//

We already know it. The thing is - Neil doesn’t. They haven’t really talked about it. Well, they did after the first night, but with all the things that happened later… and with how much affection she shows him? He doesn’t have a reason to suspect something this big.

//Lonely is her favourite

If only I could change it

If I could only save her

But sometimes she's lost, sometimes she's broken

Sometimes she's closed, sometimes she's open

Sometimes she's stone-cold, times she's on fire

Mostly she's everything I desire

Lonely is her favourite place to be//

Galleaux - Tether me

I had it on repeat when I was writing that part when R collapses in Neil’s arms when they’re in bed. Did I mention that I didn’t want Reader to be this emotional in the first part of the chapter? I thought she’d be more distant. Numb, even, here and there slipping up but holding it together until the very end. And then she does that. But it was Neil’s reaction that left me all 🥺. Not only me, apparently, because she let out so much there. I think my heart broke a little when she gave me that make love to me/love me/ never let me go part.

//In this space, do I belong?

It's dark out here in my own thoughts

Pull me back, out of my body

I'm tied to my limbs

They're spinning me out of control

Tether me//

And the way the music builds up only to blow up at 3:11, heavens, and those vocals! It just takes my breath away, fits so well there.

Nothing But Thieves - Lover, please stay

There can’t be a series playlist without Nothing But Thieves! And it’s another song Chels sent me. The way it broke me-- bloody hell. It’s that gentle guitar, it’s the raw emotions in the vocals, and those lyrics! It rips my heart out, in the best way possible.

It’s for that part where Neil falls asleep and R breaks down, fully realizing what she is about to do.

//Lover, I know you're weary

Eyes are tired from the night

Lover, come to the kitchen floor

Tiles are cold, so am I//

You bet your ass she’s having flashbacks to those moments on the cold tiles, but in her bathroom.

//Lover, I feel your sorrow pouring out of your skin

And I don't wanna be alone

If I am tonight, I'll always be//

Lonely might be her favourite place to be, but losing Neil by her own decision hurts more than she thought possible.

//So take from me what you want, what you need

Take from me whatever you want, whatever you need

But lover, please stay with me, oh//

You know what’s the worst, though? As if that scene was not heartbreaking enough, my brain decided to remind me how much it parallels part 7 from Stuck in reverse. Yep. ✨Pain.✨

Foo Fighters - Home

When she walks to her apartment. Crying. Broken. Missing him already.

//Wish I were with you

But I couldn't stay

Every direction

Leads me away

Pray for tomorrow

But for today

All I want is to be home//

About to leave for good.

This is the bit that prompted the final conversation. What even is home to her? Living the way she does, it never was something important. I struggled with that idea, I thought it’s too sweet. But Neil, the stubborn ass that he is, didn’t want to give me anything else, so it stayed - and in the end, I’m happy that it did.

BANKS - Someone new

Okay, this one is perfect with its sadness and longing, but it’s a hit and miss when it comes to lyrics. Take a look -

//I can love you desperately

Though your love ain't guaranteed

Oh, I wish you knew the deal

Gotta learn from far away

And I simply needed space

Space for me to be

And I think you need it too

Though I know you call me selfish for assuming

I did this for you too//

This, this, all of this! You see it, right?

//Everything I do, I'm gonna think of you

Don't know what else to do//

Well, one could argue that they could just talk it through without all the drama, but hey, where’s the fun in that? And running away really seems like the best option to R.

//And please don't fall in love with someone new

I promise one day I'll come back for you//

And here it’s off because I don’t think she plans on going back. So she wouldn’t want him to not fall in love with someone else, because why would she? He deserves to be happy.

//Oh, you say you hate me now and you burn me with your words

Calling me a fool

Saying that I've fucked up everything

And you'll never forgive me//

See, I have a few options for what to do when Neil finds her at the riverside. I knew one thing though - it would never be a full-blown argument and accusations. At first (and when I say first I mean before I actually started writing chapter 1, because I already had the last scene plotted out by then), I thought Neil would be calm, with a kind of “I know you love me too, silly, so what on earth are you doing?” vibe to him, to R’s annoyance. Then, the story became heavier, and I knew Neil would be worried. Lost. Confused. But never to the point of losing his temper, not after that one time in the bathroom. And that’s what happens in that scene. He doesn’t know what to do as he tries to make some sense out of it all.

Agnes Obel - Riverside

//Oh my God I see how everything is torn in the river deep

And I don't know why I go the way

Down by the riverside//

As I mentioned, I knew what I wanted for the final confrontation from the start. That’s why I tried to make that river quite important for both of them, weaving it into the story here and there. That’s why they instinctively go there.

Billy Raffoul - Dark four door

There’s this sad acceptance in this song that just breaks my heart. It makes me think about the moment when Neil wakes up and sees that she’s gone. How he doesn’t know what’s going on, and how his mind slowly connects all the things that felt strange, but he’s unwilling to accept it until he checks Reader’s place. And much it costs him to keep it together when he sees that the bag is gone.

//You got up, you felt you should

I keep trying to myself I would've done the same had I could

I never thought that you would//

Chris Cornell - Before we disappear

Whenever I hear this song, I think of Neil standing there with Reader, hurt, trying to understand what went wrong.

//So how hard can it be to share your life with me?

How hard can it be to rise with me each morning?//

Dermot Kennedy - A closeness

The last one by Dermot. If that isn’t their conversation--

//Keeping her bright eyes focused on the coastline, waiting for you

Isn't she all of us pining for that last kiss

A permanent truth, a means to get through//

Why does she stay up for so long in their spot? Does she subconsciously count on him to show up? Unable to let go, once and for all?

//Deep into the night, eyes closing

Heart swollen with my loving for you

A solid embrace, kind face

And then the hurt starts leaving the room, followed by goons

Sometimes it's open wide and lights the road at night

You've got a heart like the moon

Gather courage, if you're doing something, do it

'Cause she got to go soon//

And when Neil sees her, he wants nothing more than to hug her, he’s so relieved. But then she snaps at him, and he can’t believe that she’d actually think that he planted a bug on her to track her. It’s another wound he didn’t expect, but he waits for her to explain her actions before he lets out how much it all affected him.

Ryan McMullan - Outcry

I was close to making this one a title song for the chapter because as Hideaway sounds like it was written for the time they make love, this one is for the time Neil asks why she left.

//You came a long way to see me

So don't you run off, baby stop pretending that you're fine

What's the point that you're making

Tell me what it is that's going 'round inside your mind

If in doubt, don't fake it

I have known you long enough to know that you can't lie

If you're in love don't be ashamed of it

'Cause even angels fall for demons//

God, of course he saw that she wasn’t alright that night, but she seemed so sure about what she needed that moment that he decided not to push her - they had all the time in the world, he could ask her about it in the morning, right?

And Neil knows when she’s hiding behind jokes. That’s why he doesn’t want to play her game when she deflects what he says about the way she was in bed. He wants her to be honest. Especially since he knows what he saw in her eyes, in her actions, when they were together, and he’s sure it all must have meant something to her.

//I've heard stories, but they're jaded

So give me something more

I only know what I've been told

But I can tell that you're frustrated

And I won't ever pry, I'll only be a hand to hold

If you tell me you're hurting

I'm hurting too, yeah

Don't tell me you're fine - unless you're fine

I'll wait for the outcry

Whenever there is something weighing on your mind//

And Neil knows he can’t pressure her, that’s why he just stands with her and waits. Sweeping his mind over and over again for anything that could have prompted this whole mess.

//If you feel like leaving

Then maybe it's for the best

Or if you feel like you've given in

Oh, give yourself a chance

If you feel like crying

Oh please don't hold it in

If you feel like reaching out oh

Let me in//

His heart is aching when he hears her reason why she feels like she has to leave. That’s when he touches her. To pull her back from her head to something real. To remind her that nothing has changed. That he’s there, and not going to let her go that easily. That he loves her, because he needs her to hear it, so she knows for sure. And when she tears up, there’s only one desperate plea in his mind.

Gavin James - Hard to do

One heavy hitter after another, and this is another killer. The longing in Gavin’s voice clenches your chest and you just want to hide in somebody’s arms.

//Oh, I've been thinking that I don't wanna leave

This house isn't home to me

I'm tired of losing everyone I see

Now that you're here, it's a hard thing to do

Trying to hold on//

Does she really want to leave? She feels she has to, but god, if only she knew for sure her heart is safe, she would stay with him forever. The problem with life is - you can never be so sure. And when Neil shows up… it takes everything, even unreasonable anger, to keep her together.

//Maybe I don't believe that I don't wanna run

But two hearts are better than one

You say you'll stick around but I'll be gone

Oh, I'll be gone

It's a hard thing to do, trying to hold on//

Reader knows that it’s gonna be nearly impossible to walk away now. And she’s afraid.

//Oh, but I need you

Far more than I ever want you

It's such an unnatural thing we do

When falling in love's just so hard to do

Hard to do//

She can’t bring herself to look at him after she tells him what’s going on with her. But when Neil touches her and takes her hand, she can’t keep it inside anymore. Then he tells her that he loves her, and everything floods her at once. Fear. Guilt. Love. All that combined with his simple plea is enough to finally make her give in.

Damien Rice - I don’t want to change you

I had it on repeat since the moment Neil touched her. The softness of what happens there, melting the barriers once and for all.

//Wherever you are

You know that I adore you

No matter how far

Well, I can go before you

And if ever you need someone

Well, not that you need helping

But if ever you want someone

Know that I am willing//

He’s there for her. Always has been, always will be.

//Oh, and I don't want to change you

I don't want to change you

I don't want to change your mind//

Here. I think that’s what is really important about them and their relationship.

//I've never been with anyone

In the way I've been with you

But if love is not for fun

Then it's doomed

'Cause water races

Water races down the waterfalls//

Lucy Spraggan - Run

Ha, this kinda feels like an end-credits song, don’t you think?

//I just to run to the end of the world

Just to see if it's possible

I don't care what I've been told

I want to run to the end of the world

I'm going to run,run,run

Bye bye problems

Run 'til the road hits the sea

You better run,run,run

If you want to be free//

Granted, she didn’t run off without Neil, but found a way to run with him instead. There’s that heart-bursting light and freedom in this song, I think it captures that happiness they found, working it all out in the end.

//I wanna feel invincible

One more mile out of principle

I want to see the whole damn world

One cross road can change it all//

Travelling the world. Doing what they like most. Together.

------

Quite a journey that was.

Thank you all for taking it with me.

#long nights #long nights playlist #bts long nights

7 notes · View notes

yumenosakiacademy · 5 years

Text

Moos In Bloom

Fandom: Achievement Hunter (Sky Factory AU) Pairing: minor Freewood (but it’s mostly small implications like gav n ry raising smth together in the future n ryan blushing twice so is it REALLY?) Characters: Gavin Free, Ryan Haywood, Michael Jones, Geoff Ramsey Rating: G Words: 2170 Summary: In which Gavin magically creates a moobloom with the power of botany and a good ol' Golden Delicious. A/N: howdy this is not only my first AH fic ever but also the first fic i've managed to complete in deadass years! anyway.. i thought it'd b nice for ryan n gav to hav a moobloom bc ry is the cow guy n gav is associated w the sun/gold so like!! bro hav u seen a moobloom... look it up on google they're from Minecraft Earth they look like cheese cows with flowers. AO3 link

"Geoff has like, thousands of magical chickens he creates! Surely I can create some sort of magical creature too. Like... a cat! Made of pure radiant light! Or— or a super chicken that generates ‘n stores solar power on its own! Like a solar panel, but it's a chicken! That'd be mental. Geoff'd like that a lot, wouldn't he?" Gavin looked up from the magical glowing flowers at his feet and excitedly looked over at Ryan, who was feeding Edgar and a few of the other cows that were gathered around him at the promise of food.

"I'm sure he would, but aren't chickens kind of his thing? I'd leave the chickens to him; they're kind of what he does." Ryan chuckled as Edgar seemed to moo in agreement and Gavin huffed.

"Well I'm sure he wouldn't mind it if it was an advance in bloody power. Surely he wouldn't be jealous of one little new chicken breed that wasn't his own." Ryan shrugged in response to the half-question and Gavin walked to look at the cows that seemed to be the focus of Ryan's attention.

Beside him, there was Edgar, a cow from Geoff's farm that Ryan had picked out himself and who wore a crown upon his bovine head, and a few other cows. There was one that seemed a bit younger than Edgar, who was white as opposed to Edgar's brown, and a small, white calf that seemed to be the child of the aforementioned white cow.

"Aw, this one's a small one, innit?" He leaned down to pet the fuzzy hide of the small calf as it looked up at him. "Just a little, wittle young'en! This one's the kid o' the one next to Edgar, yeah? They Edgar's kid too?" He looked up at Ryan as he stood up straight again after petting the calf.

"Not sure, to be honest. That’s a possibility, for sure, though. Geoff told me the white one's the mom a while back before going back to his chickens, so at least that much is known. He doesn't really care much about these cows but they seem to have taken a liking toward me, somehow. Actually, I'm surprised the mom let you touch her kid, honestly." Ryan gave an affectionate pat to the white cow as she flicked her tail.

"Hey!" Gavin glared at Ryan and leaned over to also pet the white cow, smiling when she didn't react violently to his action. "Maybe they can tell how close we are, Ry! And that's why they like me too."

Ryan hummed as if in thought to distract from the slight blush he got and pet the cow's head absentmindedly. "Probably not. It's most likely just your solar warmth."

Gavin suddenly looked down at the white calf that seemed to be ever closer to his legs and made a slight noise of realization. "Oh! Probably, yeah. But it could still be the other thing, Ryan! But golly, this little one seems t' like me a lot, huh? You want a treat, little one? Oh I bet you do!" He cooed like an excited mom to her baby and took a golden apple out of his silken bag as the baby took to munching on one of the nearby glowing yellow botany flowers. "Oi, Ryan. I've been noticin', but is it alright for 'em to eat these?"

"The flowers? I don't see why not. They're just flowers, and cows have a tendency to munch on those all the time."

"Yeah, but they're magic flowers. For Michael's botany 'n stuff. But they seem to be fine, so it's probably whatevs, yeah? Are ya enjoyin' the yummy flowers? Betchu are!" Gavin switched from his mildly concerned and confused tone to the cooing again, and Ryan would have rolled his eyes had it not been pretty cute as the calf gave a small moo back in response. "You want some dessert? I've got a golden apple with your name on it, little calfie!" He set the apple on a nearby chicken coop and took out his dark purple-black obsidian all-in-one tool, morphing it into a sword.

"Cutting it with a sword? Really? Gavin, you're gonna get hurt; I probably have a spare dagger or knife or something, just gimme a sec—"

"No no, I got this! Where's the fun in a normal knife anyway, Ry?"

Ryan looked on in concern as the young god tried to slice the apple to the best of his ability, only to nick his finger a second later n wince at the golden blood that dripped a bit onto the apple. He licked the small drips of blood off of his finger and gave a thumbs up to Ryan as Ryan's eyebrows furrowed a bit more and he heard Ryan mutter something along the lines of "idiot".

After a few more minutes, the apple was cut, albeit a bit shabbily, and Gavin extended a hand to the calf to give it one of the smaller, more smushed slices. The calf happily took it from his hand, gleefully munching on the golden fruit and enjoying the sweet taste of something other than the dull grass or the odd glowing flowers. It gave a small moo in thanks and Gavin gave a giddy clap as he offered it another slice. Again, the calf snatched the slice from his hand and munched it down, to Gavin's delight, but as it was chewing away and before it could finish its second apple slice fully, it began to emit a strange glow, similar to Gavin's solar radiance.

"Uh." Ryan and Gavin stared down at the calf, who didn't seemed fazed as it swallowed its slice and looked up expectantly at Gavin for another.

"Ryan, were you wrong about those flowers after all? I saw it munching away at some of those yellow flowers a sec ago. Is it okay?" He looked down at the calf with a mix of concern and awe as he watched the calf continue to glow.

"But this one's alright...?" He pointed to the white cow next to him in confusion. "And so is Edgar, and lemme tell you, I saw him eat quite a few of those red ones before you came over."

"Hmm...” Gavin’s eyes lit up after he hummed in thought for a second. “Oh! Look, look, hey, the calf ‘n I match, Ry! Look, we both glow!" As he reached his arms out to gesture to himself, he knocked another slice off of the top of the chicken coop and the calf swiftly moved to the right to lean its head down and have another treat. As it bit into the slice again, the glowing intensified as some sort of magical vines seemed to rise up from the calf.

Gavin squeaked and he and Ryan backed up as they watched the calf. "Gav, what'd you DO?" His eyes flickered over to the fearful yet awed god, his voice incredulous.

"You think I bloody know?! I was just givin' the thing a snack!" His voice cracked as he tried to reach out a hand to the bright light and Ryan smacked his hand away. Lord knows that Gavin could either hurt himself or the calf.

The bright light caught the attention of nearby Geoff, who glared at them from where he was standing at some chicken pens a little ways away. "Y'all best not be doing any of your fucking magic in my farm! I told you guys to keep shit AWAY from the chickens, damn it!" He didn't move much to stop them, though, considering the magic was closer to the gate to the botany area than his chickens, and it wasn’t on such a big scale that he feared they were fucking with him and his beloved chickens.

In a flash of light, the air around them settled with a floral scent, stronger than before, and the tendrils of light shrank back down. In front of the gods stood the baby calf from before, but its hide a golden orange-ish yellow with patches of its former white color and bright, young sunflowers on its back, seeming freshly bloomed. Ryan and Gavin stared at the calf in silence for a second as it sniffed at the ground where the apple slice was, but the silence soon broke as Gavin squealed and leaned down to pick up the calf in his arms.

"Ohhh~! Ry!" He made a few high pitched noises as he swayed with the calf in his arms, ignoring its small moo at his radiating warmth, and held it out to Ryan. "It's so cute, Ryan! Look, Ry!"

"What... happened to it?" Ryan cautiously pet the calf's head, eyeing the flowers on its back. "Was it really the flowers? Maybe the golden ones are special or something."

"What're you guys fawnin' over?' They looked over to see Michael closing the door to the botany area and walking toward them with a cocked brow. "The fuck is that?"

"I fed a little calf some of a golden apple 'n it transformed into this! We think it might have somethin' t' do with the golden flowers it ate before the apple but! Innit so cute, Micoo?" Gavin cooed at the calf again as he looked over at Michael.

"'Golden flowers'? Oh, you mean some of the botany plants? I mean, it's possible. Flowers are used in botanical spells so if you combined it with something special like a golden apple then yeah, I guess it might be possible. Wack." He gave the calf a pat as the urging of Gavin's ecstatic, expecting look and scoffed as Gavin made another small squeal-like noise. "Oi, Geoff!" Gavin and the calf started at the sudden loud shout. "Wanna come see somethin' cool that got made on your farm? It's cute as fuck."

Geoff slowly set down the hiss-clucking gunpowder chicken he was holding down onto a pen and reluctantly made his way toward the slowly growing group of people on his farm. "What is it? Is it the source of all that magic glowing bullshit a second ago?" He froze when he saw the yellow calf in Gavin's arms and gasped. "Is that a yellow goddamn cow? Those exist?"

"Gav accidentally pulled some botany shit and made it. Cute as fuck, right?" Michael smirked at Geoff's adoring expression.

"Yeah, it's cute as dicks!" He made little baby voice noises at the cow as he lovingly pet its head and looked at the flowers on its back. "Can these things be bred? We might be able to use the flowers on its back for dye or decoration or something."

"Don't cut its flowers! Geoff, those are part of its body! Don't hurt our kid!" Gavin squawked and started to hover in panic, ready to fly away, thus startling the calf and making it flail.

"'Our'?" Ryan and Michael echoed each other, looking at Gavin and raising in eyebrow in question as Gavin steadied the calf in his arms and press it against his radiating chest.

"Yeah! Ry's kinda the cows' leader or caretaker or dad or whatever, 'n I made this thing what it is, so it's ours! Look, it's even bright yellow, just like the gold on my outfit and the sun! It's like a combo of Ryan 'n I." They watched as he raised the cow up into the air as the sun shone behind it, illuminating the calf's yellow hide in a warm sunny glow and looking like it was straight out of that one Lion King scene. "I shall name her... Daisy!" He lowered his arms as the calf squirmed and mooed in protest at being in the air and clumsily yet cautiously handed the calf to Ryan, who wasn't exactly prepared and scrabbled to hold the calf, letting it nestle in safety into his big arms and broad chest.

"Whoa, whoa, hang on. 'Daisy'? And since when did I agree to be this thing's dad?" He adjusted his arms and pet the calf once before setting it down, where it shakily walked toward its actual bovine mother and laid down between her and Edgar.

"Ryan, you're the cow guy! You were like its dad even before I came along 'n did my little botany whatchamacallit. 'N it looked so relaxed in your arms a second ago! Quite odd, though, considering you're the Dark God 'n all, innit?"

"Trust me, it liked you much more; well, until the whole 'lifting it up in the air' thing. It just felt relieved to be somewhere more secure."

"Well the bottom line is it's ours now, 'n we have to take take o' it. Isn't that right, miss Daisy?" He leaned down and let her nibble on another slice of apple that had fallen to the floor. As it nuzzled at Gavin's leg and Gavin drew Ryan in for a hug, Ryan sighed and flushed a bit. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

"Soooo, can this thing's flowers be harvested, or not?"

#achievement hunter #sky factory #whoa i did a write #gonna b real.. can fics b tagged w their irl names if theyre not Rly Shippy Rag/ehappy stuff.. is that Allowed............#ragehappy #freewood #ill tag those bc there some minor implications #ah fanfic #achievement hunter fanfic

0 notes

feuillesmortes · 7 years

Text

This is a Henry x Lizzie modern au fic inspired by @harritudur’s flatmates au. Thank you dear for allowing me to play in your sandbox!

Henry and Lizzie are uni students in London and share a flat. Enjoy!

“Remind me again why we’re here.”

His voice seemed to have come from far, far away. Lizzie almost didn’t hear it, such was her state of mind. The day was splendidly beautiful. The warm light of the late afternoon covered everything in a golden haze, surprisingly making up for the chilliness of the occasional wind blowing in Regent’s Park. Lizzie had her eyes closed, sunbeams played behind her eyelids to produce the most extraordinary colours. Nothing could spoil that day, not even a mildly cranky Henry Tudor.

“It’s your fault, really.” She slowly opened her eyes to look at him squarely. “You wouldn’t stop nagging me about how I should not get the tube in my condition. You left me no option but to drag you along.”

It had been almost three weeks since Lizzie sprained her ankle. The first week she hadn’t left the house not even to go to uni. She had been desperate to go outside, and the weather of the recent days certainly did not make it any easier to just lie around and wait for her ankle to recover.

“I was right, though. There were loads of stairs to climb at that station.”

She wrinkled her nose at him. “Not that many. Besides, you should actually thank me for dragging you across town. You said you’d never been to Regent’s Park! Blimey! You should really go out more and get to know the city better. You’re always stuck behind a pile of books or calculators. Oh, and not to mention your Excel spreadsheets! You should definitely take a break.”

Unlike Lizzie, Henry had not grown up in London, but somewhere else in Wales if she recalled it correctly. He had moved to the city only after he was admitted at the University of Westminster. Worse, Lizzie suspected that the years he had spent in France left him with an attitude all the more dismissive of the city.

Henry scoffed, but didn’t respond to her badly veiled insult. Yet deep down she knew her comment had been unkind. It had been his commitment to his studies that earned him a grant at Westminster, after all. Also, she was keenly aware that taking a business management (and finance) course was not at all the same thing as being a humanities undergrad.

“Enfin...” Henry sighed, and Lizzie was only too glad for him to change the topic. “It’s autumn and I don’t understand what we’re doing in a rose garden above all things.”

He was right, the blooming season had come and gone. Yet Queen Mary’s Gardens remained a charming place all year long. Just now by passing the gates, the yellow and coppery trees of the garden were a welcoming sight, their branches gently swaying in the breeze. After spending weeks locked away in her flat, the dried leaves that crunched beneath Lizzie’s feet were enough to send a soothing sensation to her core.

“You’ll see there are still some roses left. To quote Mulan, the flower that blooms in adversity is the rarest and most beautiful of all.” Henry actually chuckled at that, and Lizzie caught herself smiling back.

“It’s so like you to quote Disney, Lizzie. I should not be surprised.” It was not often that she saw him smile. It was a shame though, for the look quite suited him.

They walked some distance until they were completely surrounded by rose bushes from all sides. “And les voilà!” She teased. “All looking nice and fresh. Well, not so fresh, but nice still.”

He chuckled again and bent down to look at some of the roses. “If you told me there was a rose named Absolutely Fabulous I wouldn’t believe it.” He stood again. “We could actually hold a contest for the corniest rose name here, couldn’t we?”

Lizzie laughed. “Alright. To my left I’ve got Heart of Gold, Blue for You, Song and Dance, Keep smiling annd Especially for You. What have you got there?”

“Hmm, let me see. Silver Shadow, Free Spirit, Fragrant Delight and Remember Me. I’ll take back what I said, mine are actually brilliant. God save the British enthusiasm for gardening!”

“I know, right! Now you see why I love this place.” She winked at him and Henry grinned back, a broad genuine smile showing teeth. Lizzie quickly found out she could not stare at him for too long, though. The golden light of the fading afternoon made his eyes look queerly lively and blue. She had to shake that unsettling feeling off. “Guess which one is my favourite.” She blurted out, grasping at the first thing that came to her mind.

He took a look around him. “Hmm, I know it’s got to be a white one... C’mon, Lizzie, don’t look so shocked. It’s not like you haven’t come back from the market with white roses multiple times by now. I’ve seen them in the kitchen, I’m not blind yet.”

“Well, I bet your favourite rose is a red one, innit?” Henry had the look of a red rose person, if such thing existed. He preferred coffee to tea, something that was unthinkable to Lizzie. She could picture him in one his French cafés like a proper snob. “How about Red Abundance for you?” She gave him a tight-lipped, sarcastic smile.

Henry frowned and looked almost offended. “You take me for such a cliché? Nah, I’d rather have one not so... ominously red. I reckon a pinkish rose or... There! Nostalgia. A white centre with a cherry red edge. How do like that one?”

“It’s alright, I suppose... Don’t look so proud of yourself. Are you going to start calling this one the Tudor Rose or something?”

He was smirking, the bastard. “Well Lizzie, your favourite rose should be that pink one over there. Free Spirit. It suits you right.”

Is he flirting with me or just taking the piss? For the life of her, she could not tell. Not only was Henry Tudor the most unreadable person she had ever come across, but his behaviour towards her so far had been erratic and tense, to say the least. At the end of the day, it was not their fault they had such different personalities but had been thrown together in the same flat.

“Goodness!” A look at the sun reminded her of the lateness of the hour. “We’ll have to leg it if we’re watching the sunset from Primrose.” Henry clutched her arm to stop her. “You mean, the hill? We’re not running anywhere with your ankle like that.”

“Come on, Henry! I haven’t been there in ages! And I know you’ve never been there yourself. It’s my ankle, okay? I decide what to do with it.” Her ankle was swollen and throbbing already, but he didn’t need to know that.

Henry only pursed his lips. “If you’re going to be so stubborn about it, then sure, why not!” She grabbed him by the arm and rushed off.

By the time they arrived at the top of the hill the sun was almost gone, but the colours in the sky were still incredibly stunning. The succession of orange to pink to violet would never cease to amaze Lizzie. The city skyline was outlined just perfectly, and birds came and went crossing the skies whilst seeking their nests. It was everything she needed to forget her ankle woes. Henry was so quiet beside her, she could swear he wasn’t even there. Most of the times his usual mutism was irksome, but Lizzie was glad for it now. The only thing she regretted was not bringing a coat. She was trying to hide her hands inside her jumper when she heard “Do you want my jacket?”

“Sorry?” She instantly flipped her head to him. “You’re cold.” He said, rather matter-of-factly. “Do you want my jacket?”

“God, no! I mean, thank you, but no.”

Had that come across as rude? Lizzie could not think of anything more embarrassing than to have Henry lend her his jacket at that moment. She had been daft enough not to think of the wind before going out. The wind that sweeps the gloomy hills of London, as the poet used to call it. They shared a comfortable silence for a minute.

“It’s a pity we don’t get to see the sun actually setting here.” Henry uttered softly. At that moment the sky was almost fully dark. The last rays of light dying out.

“Yeah, it sets just behind us. We can see the moon rising, though.”

“You should go see the sunset at Greenwich Park. It’s quite the view.”

“You’ve been to Greenwich? Oh my, that’s far! You have to get the DLR for that. I’m impressed.” As a north Londoner born and bred, Lizzie hardly ever crossed the river. She rarely ventured further south than Borough Market or further east than the Tower.

Henry chuckled softly. “Just because you don’t see me going out it doesn’t mean I don’t.” He shrugged. “Just not with you.” Suddenly Lizzie wished she had invited him for her outings before. His company was not completely unpleasant after all, just... Mildly annoying. But his words left her wondering if he had been going out with someone else that entire time.

“Hiya!”

They instantly turned from their spot on the grass to look at the stranger standing behind them. The man gave them a slightly apologetic look before settling his eyes on Henry. “Sorry, mate. Do you know what time it closes?”

Lizzie was happy to chime in. “Around six or so. But don’t worry, they won’t be chasing you off the park.”

The man gave Henry a tight smile and a “Cheers, mate” before wandering off, leaving Lizzie utterly baffled.

“Did you hear that twat? I answered his question and he thanked you?” She scoffed, but Henry was gazing too far-off to see her vexed.

“It’s not that, Lizzie.”

“Then what?” Her voice came off slightly high-pitched.

He turned his eyes back on her. “He thought we were a couple.”

Lizzie felt her face burning. “Even so! I’d be your girlfriend, not your property. He should’ve thanked me.” She babbled, and hoped that she might pass off her red cheeks as indignation rather than embarrassment.

“Of course, Lizzie.”

There was a seriousness in his voice, and Lizzie felt her embarrassment deepening. She could not believe she had dragged Henry Tudor to what could be considered one of the most cliché dates in London. Watching the sunset from Primrose Hill, what was she thinking? All that was missing was a bottle of Prosecco and a blanket to warm their legs.

“We should head back.” She started to gather her things as a way of dismissing the awkwardness. “It’s dark and there’s food home.”

“You mean, if Rodrigo hasn’t eaten it all by now.”

Henry was sporting his smirk again, and Lizzie felt her face breaking in a half-smile. “He wouldn’t dare!”

“I think he likes to be scolded, don’t you think? Probably mum issues. I can picture Mrs De Puebla boxing his ears for being naughty. Rodrigo, you ate all the food again!”

Lizzie could not help but burst into a laughter. Somehow it felt good sharing a laugh with him. Henry got back to his feet and gave a hand to help Lizzie stand and descend the hill. It seemed that just like that, easiness was restored between them. And they both could go on with their lives and pretend their accidental date had never happened.

#henry x lizzie #modern au #h7 x eoy #twp fic #henry vii x elizabeth of york #fanfic #this is my first time writing a modern au #heee

51 notes · View notes