#going to post a set a day until the cb comes around so look forward to it :D

[andreafmn]

Running In Circles - Chapter 2

Word Count: 2,663

Characters: Female Reader Rossi Character, Aaron Hotchner, David Rossi, Derek Morgan, Spencer Reid, Jennifer “JJ”Jareau, Emily Prentiss, Penelope Garcia

Story Description: (Y/N) Rossi is following in her father’s footsteps by joining the BAU team as a profiler. The girl genius knew almost everything but she could have never predicted falling for Aaron Hotchner, her boss and her father’s friend. in their world mutual feelings are not enough to push them together. Will all the adversities and obstacles they face pull them together or push them apart forever?

*DISCLAIMER* I do not own in any way Criminal Minds, all credits of the pre-established characters, script, and storyline belong to Jeff Davis and CBS Network. The only thing I own is Arden Rossi, any upcoming characters, and her storyline, as well as her effects in the others’ story line.

Chapter: 2/?

Chapter Description: The team goes back to work as Aaron Hotchner considers retiring from the team and spend time with his son. (Y/n) can’t help but provide emotional support for the Hotchner boys.

A/N: I enjoy angst and slow burns way too much XD. If you enjoy my writing I’ll also be posting them in AO3 and Wattpad along with other stories (I also hope to start taking requests if ya’ll want) Hope you enjoy and all constructive criticism is encouraged.

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Chapter 2

Once it was over, the interviews came. We knew the story. We lived it. The case was open and shut. They could try and make us pint it all on Hotch, the easy way out, but we knew better. And we would stand next to our unit chief whatever the price.

Haley’s funeral was no easier than being at the scene. It was a somber day and the sadness was imprinted in us. We all walked with dropped shoulders and a tight chest. I stood between Derek and Reid, using Morgan as support because I felt that my legs would give out at any moment. My father stood behind me rubbing circles on my back to comfort me. As we laid the roses on top of the casket, we laid to rest the life of Haley, a woman I only knew through the loving words Hotch spoke of.

The group did not know what to do to help the heartbroken man. It would take time to heal even just the smallest bit of his heart. All we could hope for was that he would come back to the team.

At the worst possible moment, the phone rings. No other team available and someone in need, we had to go to work. We all rolled our eyes or shook our heads; this was the job. But would it be the same without him?

I went to Hotch before we left and gave him a hug.

“Call me if you guys need anything,” he said.

“Just take care of your son,” I smiled, and he softly returned one of his own. I squeezed his shoulder reassuringly and left to join the team.

On the plane, we were caught up with the case. We stored all our feelings and got the machines running. We needed to finish this quickly and perfectly.

Two women, both brunettes and young, high-powered executives, murdered in their own homes, the floor around them decorated with flower petals. After Emily and Derek visited the crime scene, we had another part of the puzzle, the unsub was stalking his victims. Everything just seemed so perfect and staged, there was no way he was not prepared.

I stayed with JJ in the station working on the announcement and trying to figure something else from the details provided and the crime scene photos, but JJ could see my head wasn’t in it completely for the first time.

“Hey,” she said, taking my attention from the piece of paper I had been eyeing for the past five minutes. “What’s on your mind? Talk to me.”

“Is it wrong that I feel bad for being here?” I sighed. “Working like nothing’s happened.”

“Of course not, we all feel a bit guilty,” she smiled. “I know you most of all.”

My eyes opened in shock.

“Oh, come on, (Y/N). Everyone knows you have a not-so-secret crush on Hotch,” she laughed. “The only one that can’t see it is him. And probably your dad. Parents can be quite oblivious to their children’s feelings in this way.”

My head flew into my hands to cover the embarrassment that was flooding my cheeks. It was one thing to assume the whole team knew, another was to have it confirmed.

“It’s okay, (Y/N), we’ll see what comes of it. What I can say is that you can’t let this stop you from doing your job.”

She smiled one last time and it was all I needed to push Aaron Hotchner to the back of my mind and bring the case forward.

“Find anything?” My father asked entering the small room at the police station, Reid following behind.

“Several people had access to each home,” I said rubbing my temple. “Housekeeper, gardener, pool cleaner, dog walker…”

“Each with their own key and an alibi to match,” JJ added, an annoyed tone rolling off her tongue.

“Any crossover?”

“None. We even vetted delivery people and utility workers.” I sighed.

“Garcia, do you have anything?” Reid said, sitting down.

“There’s no hits at the prints at all. But I did what Sir Derek there asked, and I created a paper trail,” Penny explained. “There’s no cross-over between the two victims themselves in the weeks leading up to their murders, but they did run in similar circles.”

Penelope continued to explain how both victims lived quite a lavish and high-class lifestyle as Emily and Derek joined us. We figured this man would fit right in this crowd. Educated, intelligent, a gentleman. What we had yet to pinpoint was how the unsub entered the homes with no signs of forced entry. It was clear we were not going to make any headway tonight and Derek knew it too. So, he decided we should be done for the day and we would come back tomorrow well-rested and with fresh eyes.

That night I laid in the bed of my hotel room staring at the ceiling. All I could think of was Hotch and everything he was going through. I could only imagine.

And as if by fate, my phone rang. Aaron Hotchner.

“Hello?”

“Oh,” Hotch said surprised. “Did I wake you?”

“No, I haven’t been able to sleep.”

“How come?”

“I don’t know,” I sighed. “I guess I’m just worried about you.”

He chuckled softly. “You really shouldn’t.”

“But I do, Hotch.”

He stayed silent, only his slow breathing was heard through the phone.

“Did I fail her?” He asked after some minutes of comfortable silence.

“Absolutely not.”

“I promised her that I would catch Foyet and spend the rest of my life making it up to her.”

“And you still can.”

“But” he exhaled loudly. “How?”

“By being the best father you can be to Jack and continue living your life in the best way you can.”

“You know, Dave told me that I had to figure out what kind of father I wanted to be and then I’d know what to do. But I have no idea what that is.”

“Hotch…”

“I’m serious,” he interrupted. “I don’t know what kind of father I am. I catch killers. I save lives. I’m a hero until my key hits the front door, and then I’m just the father who’s never there. Haley was raising Jack all by herself and that was my support blanket. I was able to do my job because I knew he was cared for by another parent. A better parent.”

He sobbed softly as the last words escaped his mouth.

“I’m going to stop you right there,” I said, trying my best not to sound angry. “To that little boy, you are the only real hero that exists. He knows that when you’re not home it’s because you’re out here catching the bad guys like Foyet and making the world better for his sake. He knows that everything you do is out of love for him.

You know, when I was little my dad was absent quite a lot because of this job, but there was one thing that I knew for sure, that he loved me more than anything and that he worked better and faster because he wanted to come back home to me. And never ever have I resented him for leaving and catching the bad guys. He’s the reason I became an FBI agent.

You are an amazing father and anything you choose will be the right thing for Jack.”

After a minute of sobs, Hotch started to calm down.

“Thank you, (Y/N). You have no idea how much I needed that right now,” he cleared his throat. “How’s the case going?”

“Nope,” I laughed. “Not going to talk about the case.”

“Really?” He chuckled.

“Yes, Hotch. Take a breather. You deserve it.”

“Okay, okay,” he said, and I could hear his smile through the phone.

We had been talking for about an hour when I heard him yawn.

“Seems you’re getting sleepy there, Hotchner.” I laughed. “We should both get some rest. If it’s 3 am over here it must be 2 am in Washington. So, good night and see you soon.”

“Good night, (Y/N). Again, thank you. Sweet dreams.” And he hung up.

And finally, I drifted to sleep.

The next morning, we were up and ready for business.

“We believe our unsub is already with his next victim,” my father started. “If he matches the patter, she’ll be a successful woman, probably brunette, early 30s to mid-40s. She’ll be at home in Nashville’s upper echelon.”

“This means that he fits in,” I explained. “He drives the right car, he wears the right clothes, he’s highly intelligent. He probably comes from a place of status.”

“This guy’s sociable and he’s endearing,” said Morgan. “You would never suspect that this man is capable of murder. But he will do whatever it takes to protect the fantasy that he’s trying to relive.”

“It’s this fantasy which fuels his drive. He’s reliving a romantic evening and recreating it with each of his victims.”

“He most likely had a relationship taken away from him,” Derek crossed his arms. “So, look at men who have lost loved ones or have gone through a messy divorce.”

After finishing with the profile, we set out to establishments that fit the criteria to possibly get a suspect. As we worked, we got a call. Another crime scene, but this one was different.

A male victim. Overkill on the female. Something made him change his M.O.

Out in the garage, Reid and I looked for any sort of clues and I noticed his sight direct to the car. There may be another way we could connect the victims and how the unsub made their way into their homes.

Finally, Garcia had something with the hunch Spencer had figured. She overlaid all the geographical routes the victims had taken against the geo profile to show what we were missing with any paper trail. Although it was not a clear answer, Erika Silverman was the only one that did not fit the extravagant lifestyle and she only went and came from her work or her home. Except on Tuesday, where she went to the Botanical Gardens, what was she doing there? JJ, Reid, and I left for the gardens to find out.

And just as we had suspected, there had been an event to which Erika had attended. And a puzzle piece revealed itself.

“An event up here would be a hard sell for women in heels,” JJ commented.

“Well, most of our private events hire valets to drive the cars down to the base of the park so they don’t have to hike it up the hill.”

“Who had access to your keys but goes unseen?” Reid asked.

“And to your GPS,” I added.

“Dealerships program your home address into the navigation system before your car even leaves the lot.”

“He had turn-by-turn directions straight to her front door and the keys to get him inside,” I pointed.

We now had how he got his victims and how he entered their house without force. Now, all we had to do was pinpoint his next victim and see who he was.

JJ was instructed to get dad and Prentiss to pick up the owner of the valet service used in the event, and Derek, Reid, and I stayed behind to canvass the employees. We could catch this guy in action unless he had already gotten his next victim.

Joe Belser. That was our unsub. With the profile, the owner was able to point out the suspect quickly. And off we were.

JJ, Reid, and I headed to the venue and the rest of the team went to Belser’s house. He wasn’t in the apartment, but they had found the meaning behind the roses and universal garage door openers. In the venue, Reid called Garcia to see which of the VIP guests could be the next potential victim.

Ann Herron was the next victim, and he was already at her house.

“FBI! PUT IT DOWN!” Derek screamed, blinding Joe with his flashlight. I walked in from behind Derek and kneed Belser’s stomach. He fell to the ground groaning and Emily grabbed the man by the throat to immobilize him.

“Fantasy’s over,” she spat. “Is that what you did to them? You hit them to shut them up and then forced them to play along with your sick delusion?”

 “I love them,” Joe said sinisterly.

“You’re finally gonna meet your soulmate, Joe,” I added from behind Prentiss. “In prison.”

“Only you’re not gonna be able to push him around like you did those women,” Emily continued. “And when he comes for you in the middle of the night, when you’re least expecting it, you do me a favor. Play along.” 

She stood the man up forcibly and put him in handcuffs and I went outside to check on the victim.

“How is she?” Derek asked walking out of the house with my father.

“She’s strong,” I said closing the ambulance door. “She’ll make it. But you don’t survive something like that without scars.”

“Scars remind us where we’ve been,” my father commented. “They don’t have to dictate where we’re going.”

He put his arm around my shoulders and kissed my head as we walked back to the SUVs, finally on our way home.

The next day, I called up my dad so he would accompany me to Haley’s grave. Something told me I had to go. At the cemetery, I saw what the pull was. Sitting in front of the headstone less grave was Hotch. I walked up to him first, my father close behind. Hotch lifted his head and stared into my eyes, sitting up slightly.

“I had a feeling I’d find you here,” I spoke softly. “Have you told her yet?”

“Told her what?” He mused.

“That you’re coming back to the team,” my father joined his left side. Hotch looked at him. “That fighting the bad guys is who you are.”

Hotch lowered his head and shook it. “I don’t have to tell her. She already knows.”

I squeezed his shoulder reassuringly and gave him a soft smile. My father did the same and walked to my side, so we’d retreat, giving Hotch some space.

“So, do you want me to drive you back to your house?” My father asked.

“No,” I smiled. “I’m gonna stay with Hotch for a bit and then I’ll go home.”

“Okay, darling.” He kisses the top of my head. “I’ll pick you up on Monday then. Ciao, Mia Bella.”

“Bye, dad.”

Once my dad left, I sat down on a bench and waited for Hotch.

“(Y/N), you’re still here?” Hotch questioned with a smile on his face.

“Yeah, thought you might want some company.”

“Truthfully,” he chuckled. “I do. Thank you.”

“How about this, we pick up Jack, you guys come over and I crack open a present I had for Jack.”

“Sounds like a plan,” he motioned me to his car. “Let’s go.”

We drove quietly to his apartment, only the low volume of the radio and the sound of our breathing could be heard. It didn’t take long to arrive at the complex, where he opened the car door for me and led me upstairs. Inside apartment #121, was Jessica Brooks, Haley’s sister, and Jack playing a card game.

“(Y/N)!” Jack screamed as soon as I walked through the door, running to give me a hug.

“Hey, buddy!” I hugged back.

“Hotch, you’re back,” she exclaimed. “Good to see you again, (Y/N).”

“Good to see you, too,” I smiled. “How you holding up?”

“As good as I can be.” She answered as she began to gather her things. “Well, I’ll see you soon. Bye, little guy.”

“Bye, Aunt Jessica.”

“Bye, guys.” She said as she left.

“Hey, little man,” I directed to Jack. “I’ve got an idea.”

“What is it?”

“How about you to pack a go-bag and you and dad come over so we can open a present I have for you?”

“Yes!” He exclaimed as he sped off to his room to pack.

“I think you should go help him,” I smiled at Hotch. “If I have any memory of being a kid, they’re not very good at packing.”

“Yeah,” he grinned. “Maybe I should.”

I waited for both father and son to pack for the night asking myself why I was putting myself in this position. Growing closer to a man I had a 0% chance with. But I couldn’t help it. All in all, he was my friend, and he needed all the support he could get.

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A/N: if you wish to be tagged for the next parts, please let me know. I’d be happy to. <3

[meltwonu]

| 🍒 CH-CH-CHERRY BOMB! 🍒 |     [CHAPTER 17]

pairing; dom!seungcheol x camgirl!reader

this chapter’s notes; camshow, intercrural sex, lots ‘o teasing, dirty talk/the absolute tiniest bit of degradation, some cum play/cum eating, seungcheol having a kink for thighs/thigh highs 😳😗 welcome to the weekend my bbys!! I hope yall are having a good day/night!! Also again, another inbox roundup tomorrow(also an updates post)!! 💕 Might be a regular thing for the next 4-ish weeks ‘cause I have been so busy this month 😭 and I can’t believe there’s only 3 more chapters of CB left!! 😭😭 some bangers on the way tho LMAO 🤣 As always, thank you so much for the love and support!!💕💕 Have a great rest of your weekend and enjoy ch 17![cheol voice] seventeen right here 😌💕🍒 

chapters; 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17 - x - x - x

Seungcheol doubles over in laughter, tears blurring his vision as his laughs turn into quiet wheezes.

“God, this is so embarrassing.” Seokmin mutters; cheeks burning crimson when he glances over to Jeongguk who shrugs back. “Maybe I really should quit…”

Jeongguk scoffs jokingly, “Maybe you shouldn’t have lied. No offense, but all the staff here probably have at least seen her before and you just so happened to lie to her actual boyfriend. That’s honestly really lucky if you ask me! You should buy a lotto ticket!” Seokmin whines back, shifting on his heels as he watches Seungcheol start to wipe the tears away.

“Hyung, can you please take this Edible Arrangements I got you so I can go ask Namjoon-hyung to fire me?” This only causes Seungcheol to laugh harder and this time, Jeongguk can’t help the giggle that bubbles past his tightly pursed lips.

“Please!” Seokmin begs, shaking the basket of skewered fruit at the older male. “I heard the diner across down is still hiring, I can still save the rest of my dignity if I leave now!”

Seungcheol shakes his head, eyelashes wet with tears when he takes the gift from Seokmin’s hands to place it on the countertop of the concession stand. “Hate to break it to you but she works there and one of the staff is also one of her regulars so I think your best bet is workin’ here. Embarrassment and all.”

“So, okay… But you’re not mad?”

Jeongguk peels the cellophane off of the basketed fruit, looking to Seungcheol for permission before he takes a skewer. “Go ahead. And no, I’m not mad. If anything I should apologize too, I shouldn’t have let you keep lying when I already knew. But also, to be fair, we weren’t really… official ‘til recently.” Seungcheol shoots the younger male a sheepish smile; cheeks a pretty pink of their own. “And it’s kinda been nice meeting you guys too. It’s great to know you’re not all weirdos.”

Seokmin laughs lightly, breathing a sigh of relief. “Okay, cool, ‘cause this place pays really well and I’d hate to stop working here and you guys are a lot cooler than the coworkers I had before.” He rolls his eyes jokingly, leaning up against the countertop as he picks off a strawberry from the basket.

“Don’t even get me started on this coworker I had at the last place. His name was Mingyu, I think? Suuuuuch a kissass. I had to move to manning the register at all times just so I could avoid him pickin’ his nose in the backroom and then pretending like he was doin’ shit.”

“Hey, Seungcheol-hyung?”

Seokmin’s inquisitive voice has Seungcheol turning; setting the rollerskates in his hand down onto the bench. “Yeah?”

“Do you think it’s weird that we’re, like, watching your girlfriend?” He tilts his head in thought, eyes blinking up to the ceiling. “I don’t want to overstep or something if it’s weird, y’know? I’ve been thinking about what Jeongguk said earlier...”

Seungcheol grins back at him, eyes twinking. He’d also thought about that before too, when he first found out that Jeongguk had also watched your streams.

“I don’t really mind ‘cause at the end of the day, it’s you watching me fucking my girlfriend.”

“Well, I’m glad he took it… well?” You giggle, tugging the white thigh high up your leg.

Seungcheol pulls off his shirt as he sits on the edge of the bed; tossing the wrinkled material onto the floor as he laughs under his breath.

“He did give me an Edible Arrangements while I laughed so hard I cried. I think he’s learned his lesson.”

xcaliburDK: good news, i didnt quit!!

chwenon: i was gonna say

chwenon: u literally started like last week

universe_WZ has donated $75

angelhan has donated $75

therealchan99 has donated $50

therealchan99: u look rly pretty in ur white set!!!

“Aww, thank you! It’s one of my favorites~ And ‘xcaliburDK’, I’m glad you didn’t quit!” You wink at the camera, giggling softly in Seungcheol’s lap as he peppers kisses along your shoulder.

A shiver runs up your spine at his gentle touches and you easily melt under his soft kisses and roaming fingertips. He ghosts them across your breasts, teasing you through the thin lace as you mewl and squirm against his cock that’s pressed firm against your ass. “A-ah, S--Seungcheol…”

tangerine_kwan: she looks so happy now that she can call ur name out lol

alphagyu97: now i cant pretend its me tho

gentleman_josh95: i mean i guess but are u even built like him

alphagyu97: well

Your body slowly starts to fill with warmth; soft stuttered breaths falling from your lips when he drags his fingers down your torso until they play with the hem of your panties. “M-more… tease me m-more…” He grins against your shoulder; hooking a finger around the waistband of your panties and tugging it away from you before letting it snap against your skin.

“‘Cheol!” Whining, your legs snap shut on impulse as you feel a gush of wetness soaking into your panties.

“Ah, ah, ah, part those legs, princess. Don’t make me have to punish you.”

kitty_junjun: no thats what the shibari stream is for right? Right? 😩

artist8hao: is that really happening bc i want to see it

alphagyu97: u guys should do it and think of it as like a rebrand of the channel ykwim

hoshi_tiger_xx: jdfkjhf like a grand re-opening under new management

therealchan99: what is this, a restaurant?

chwenon: u guys should come up with a new channel name too or sth

Seungcheol manages to read off a few of their comments; committing some to memory knowing that your eyes were still sealed shut as you focused on his soft touches.

He drags his fingers down further, humming when he can already feel how wet you were getting. “Hmm~ Already soaked through your pretty panties, baby~” Your head rolls back against his shoulder, nodding gently as you start to grind against the fingers that he uses to press into your clothed, wet folds.

“F-feels good w-when you, ah, t-tease me…”

Unbeknownst to you, Seungcheol smirks, eyes twinkling at the camera. “You really like it, huh? When I just touch you gently like this. Not enough to get you off but just enough to get you soaking wet until you’re begging for my cock.” He pauses; pressing a soft kiss to your skin. “I wanna try something with you, pretty baby~”

You gulp as you raise your head from his shoulder and he retracts his hands from your body as you shift your body and slightly turn to the side to face him.

Seungcheol’s eyes are blown wide with lust and you can already feel his cock throbbing against your lower back as he smiles dreamily at you.

“I think you’ll like it too.”

A stuttered moan falls from your lips as Seungcheol’s cock slides past your tightly clasped, yet shaky, thighs.

“O-oh, ‘Cheol, this--this is…” The words die on your tongue as your head falls forward and Seungcheol is quick to reprimand you, just as he draws his hips back.

“Baby, I want you to watch yourself on the screen. I want you to see your cute face while I tease your pretty body.” He moans; thrusting between your wet thighs as your hazy eyes peer at the laptop’s screen. Your lips are swollen and your pupils are blown wide when you catch yourself and you can see the head of Seungcheol’s cock only just breaching past your clamped thighs when he thrusts forward.

You let out a guttural moan, eyes rolling to the back of your head when he alternates between thrusting between your thighs and letting his cock slide against your soaked, panty-clad mound. 

He hadn’t bothered to undress you at all, but you didn’t mind. The material of your panties only added onto the pleasure with every drag of his cock against you.  

Seungcheol teases you even more; dragging his hands down to your thigh highs and letting his fingertips play right underneath the hems before pulling the material away from your thighs and letting them snap against your skin, much like he’d done with your panties.

“Ah, fuck, m-more! P-please…” He repeats the action a few more times, playing with the sheer fabric of your thigh highs before he draws his hips back. Except this time, when you expect him to thrust back between your legs, he wraps a hand around his cock instead, guiding himself until the head of his cock is rubbing up against the sheer fabric.

“Fuck, you’d look so pretty with cum all over your pretty thighs. I should cum all over your panties and your white ‘lil thigh highs and get them all soaked. Don’t you think they’d be cute? Sticking to you like a second skin? Translucent ‘n soaked through with my cum?” He laughs under his breath, watching through the laptop screen at the way you bite your lip and furrow your brows at the thought.

“I--I want t-that… I want S--Seungcheol t-to make, ngh, a m-mess…”

angelhan: i kno we say this all the time but can u upload some pics of that later

angelhan has donated $75

universe_WZ: seconded cuz thatd look so fuckin hot

universe_WZ has donated $50

alphagyu97 has donated $75

alphagyu97: fuck, like a lil angel covered in cum

Seungcheol teases you and himself at the same time; rubbing his cock against your fabric-clad thighs. He spreads precum onto the material, licking his lips when it already becomes translucent and sticks to your skin.

He positions his cock back between your thighs once he’s had his fill and quickly finds himself doubling his pace when he sees how wet you’re getting his cock without even having taken your panties off. “God, look at you. I don’t even need to fuck you to get you this wet. You just need to rub your ‘lil cunt against my cock and it’s enough for you, huh? I should make you sit on my lap, rub your pretty ‘lil pussy on my cock ‘til you’re cumming over and over again.”

“Ngh, yes! Fuck, Seungcheol! I--I can feel your c-cock throbbing between my l-legs… Please, please c-cum, mmh, all over my s-skin…”

“That’s right, baby. So fuckin’ desperate to be covered in it too. And always so fuckin’ pretty when you are.”

You let out a whimper as you try to focus on watching yourself just like Seungcheol had asked you to. Your lips are parted in soft breaths and you can’t seem to unfurrow your brows as Seungcheol chases his pleasure behind you.

angelhan: what if

angelhan: seungcheol in thigh highs lmao

universe_WZ: sub.cheol

sleepy_wonu: sub.cheol

universe_WZ: jinx

sleepy_wonu: fuck u 

You lick your lips at the thought; although you knew Seungcheol would have a hard time relinquishing his dominating nature.

But your mind wanders as you continue to think about it; various images of Seungcheol tied up underneath you while you fucked yourself on his cock running through your mind. You let out a shaky moan, to which Seungcheol hums.

“What are you thinkin’ about, princess?”

“Um… ah, n-nothing…” He thrusts between your legs hard, making you jolt forward as you yelp.

“Princess...”

“I--ah! J-just thinking a-about… y-you tied up, ngh, to--to the bed and m-me fuh--fucking myself on your c-cock… ‘n me u-using, mmh, my toys o-on you...” Seungcheol smirks, pulling his cock from between your shaky thighs as he slightly pushes you over until you're on your back.

He spreads your legs as you look up at him and he’s quick to wrap a hand around his cock as he jerks himself off above you. “Oh, I bet you’d love that, wouldn’t you? I bet you’d be so cute trying to be the domme for a night.” Seungcheol teases.

You find yourself clenching around emptiness as you think of the possibilities. You definitely wanted to try it if Seungcheol was willing.

“Fuck, but first, gonna cover your pretty body with my cum.” He groans; thrusting up into his palm as he chases his high.

“C-cum all over me, Seungcheol…”

The donations and comments sound off in the back as you maintain eye contact with Seungcheol who’s brows furrow when he starts to feel himself about to cum. He scoots back a little; growling when his cock throbs in his grasp and he cums all over your, already, soaked panties.

You let out a moan when rivulets of cum hit your lower abdomen and you’re quick to reach down and scoop some up to bring to your mouth, smearing the warm substance against your puckered lips before licking it off. Whimpering, you dip your fingers into your mouth; this time pretending they were Seungcheol’s instead of your own.

He guides his cock until the head is aimed at your thighs; streaks of cum settling into the sheer material of your thigh highs. “God, you’re so damn pretty...” Groaning, he milks his cock for every drop of cum before he’s stopping to catch his breath.

“You came so much but I didn’t cum yet, ‘Cheol~” Pouting, you turn your head to the side to face the camera. “Tell him he has to make me cum now~”

kitty_junjun: well u heard the lady!!

hoshi_tiger_xx: make her cum and let her cream her cute lil panties even more

therealchan99: oh fuck yeah, get her off without fucking her cute cunt

Seungcheol leans over your body until the two of you are almost face to face, eyes twinkling with playfulness when you feel his sticky hand playing with your thigh highs again.

“D’you hear that? Let’s give them what they want, baby.”

The sounds of donations and comments once again get lost as Seungcheol finds himself on his knees between your legs.

“Ready?”

When you slide into bed after your camshow’s ended and Seungcheol has properly taken care of you, he’s quick to tug you into his chest. 

The two of you let out soft sighs at the warmth that envelopes you both as you finally start to settle in for the night.

After a few minutes, Seungcheol clears his throat, catching you just before you drift off to sleep.

“This is so random but have you considered, I dunno, rebranding your channel… with me? I was thinking about it and kinda wanted your opinion...”

You blink up curiously at him, urging him to continue. “I mean, yeah, of course! I don’t really know where to start though since it’s always just been me. And to be honest, I wasn’t sure if you wanted to either so I never brought it up.” You snuggle into his warmth, yawning as the sleep threatens to take over.

“But let’s talk about it later, ‘cause ‘m tired now, ‘Cheol. You really didn’t have to make me cum twice…” You mumble, “I can still feel my legs shaking...”

His soft laugh reverberates in your chest and he’s quick to press a kiss against your hair as he tugs you in closer.

“It’s ‘cause I like to spoil you. And okay. I’ll remind you when you’re more conscious.”

“G’night, ‘Cheol...”

“Goodnight, baby.” 

[fumbling-fanfics]

Imagine being pregnant with your first child with Omar Adom 'OA' Zidan

**********************************************

So I got this idea from @supagirl 's gifs. I've just used them to start a new thread rather than highjack her original post and make it a mess. But do check out her gifs.

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Also I've not finished FBI on CBS so this imagine will proby not match what the gif set is about.

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OA wandered into the living room, glued to his phone. At this point he was so used to you being propped up on the couch either watching TV, eating, reading, sleeping or all four. You kept looking at him, until he looked up.

"What's wrong?“ he smiled, across the room. "Hungry?"

"Why do you always assume I'm hungry?"

"Because you usually are" he chuckled.

You ignored his accurate statement. "Are you planning on going out?" noticing he was dressed like he was going out.

"Maggie's coming over, she just wants to talk about something at work, why?“

“I'm hungry" OA laughed, shaking his head. He got up and walked over to the couch, leaning on the back of it to look down at you.

"What would you like to eat?“ you pretended to think, knowing full well what you wanted.

"Can you get me some cake. Maybe cheesecake too" OA nodded, with a slight eye roll.

"I'll stop by wholefoods, then I can get some vegetables for dinner too" his phone buzzed.

"No, not Wholefoods. Can you got to the Diner, intown. Please" you gave him puppy dog eyes as you looked up at him. He sighed in defeat, turning to leave.

You looked over the back of the couch and spoke. "Maybe we can go together, a nice walk. Then I can see Maggie rather than die from Vitamin D deficiency" OA turned back to face you, very serious. "You know you can't. Remember what the doctor said" you frowned, dropping your head back against one of your many pillows. You mimicked what he said in a childish voice.

You were signed off work, with instructions of strict rest for the rest of your pregnancy.

OA had moved furniture around to make it easier for you to get around.

You were even halfway though the rest of your pregnancy when you started to claim insanity due to the lack of being outside. Since it was prime summer time, OA also relaxed with home security and allowed you to have the large patio doors open (so long as the alarm system was on) - allowing the outside breeze to run through the house giving the effect that you were outside (well if you closed your eyes).

He'd been a saint really. Requesting one less day at work so he could be around if you needed him. Constantly running out to fulfill your craving requests, even the midnight ones.

OA disappeared upstairs, his phone ring echoing through the house and he jogged down the stairs.

"Maggie's outside" he gave you a quick kiss on the top of your head, then disappeared again. "I'll see you in 30 minutes or so" you could hear the door open, the noise from outside.

"Tell Maggie I'd come out to say hi to her but I can't because I'm being held prisoner in my own home" there was no response except the door slamming, but OA was probably laughing at your dramatics. He'd always know you to be dramatic but it seemed to get worse since you were pregnant.

***

"Y/n says hi, but obviously in a dramatic way. She's claiming the WiFi is conspiring against her and she's being held hostage" Maggie chuckled lightly as OA climber into the SUV.

"In her defence, I'm sure you'd be the same. Imagine what you'd be like not being able to go to work, and being housebound"

"I think it's the sugar to be honest. It's all she craves. She ate 11 of those doughnuts you gave me yesterday!"

Maggie's eyes widened in shock. “There were only 12 in the box" OA just nodded.

"But she's doing better, yeah?" OA nodded with a relieved smile.

"Yeah a lot better. She's still really tired. But thats partly because she can't sleep in our bed. It hurts her back, but she stubborn and wants to sleep near me so refuses to sleep on the couch at night"

Maggie didn't bother asking why OA didn't sleep in the living with you, knowing it was because he was far to tall to be able sleep anywhere but the floor.

"Can you drop me in town when we're done - I'm on a cake run" Maggie nodded.

In the car Maggie and OA chatted about a case, bouncing ideas off each other until Maggie felt better. Doing less days meant that OA and Maggie weren't partners together but they still made time to chat.

As she was on her way to speak to a witness Maggie dropped OA off on the corner and continued on her way.

"Tell y/n I'll come see her soon. I'll bring cake" Maggie teased.

"Please actually bring something with nutrients in it" OA begged.

***

“Hey Omar, no y/n?" Dawn asked as OA stepped up to the counter.

"Not today, but she is the reason why I'm here. Can I grab some cake please?" Dawn nodded and grabbed a container and cake tongs.

"Which one?“ Dawn asked with a smile. Just as OA opened his mouth his phone rang, the picture of you shaking on the screen.

"Everything is fine! I'm just calling to ask if you can get like all the cake because I don't know which one I want" you spoke quickly, hoping OA wouldn't freak out thinking something was wrong because your were calling

OA looked at Dawn. "All of them" she raised her eyebrows and OA just nodded.

***

The sound of OA struggling and a lot of noise made you peak over from your spot on the couch. You caught a glimpse of him, arms full walking past the living room into the kitchen.

"Do you know how many different flavours of cakes they have?“ OA walked back towards the front door.

"A lot" you called out, as you struggled to get up and out of the couch. You waddled into the kitchen just as OA was leaving again.

"Guess again" he called out. You didn't reply, too busy rummaging through the bags.

"Thirty nine! Thirty nine different flavours of cake! Like how can that be possible"

"Is there Red Velvet though?“ OA disappeared again.

"I'd like to think these will last you a while, but after yesterdays doughnut marathon I'm not hopeful"

"This is your fault too. I'm pretty sure that's the tank top that resulted in me being pregnant" you smiled in triumph as you found the box containing the red velvet cake. You tiptoed and kissed OA.

"Thank you, and sorry I'm being a pain" OA bent down kissing you softly.

"Nothing I can't handle" he winked.

You opened the cutlery draw and grabbed a fork. "Have some cake if you want" you waddled out of the kitchen and back to you spot on the couch.

"Are you gonna help me put these away?“ OA called out.

You shook your head as you walked towards the living room. "I can't leave the couch remember"

***

It took you less than five minutes to finish the cake, cursing yourself as you struggled to get up again. You should have just eaten the cake in the kitchen, would have been better for your back. But then again your feet hurt too.

OA notices you wince as you come back into the kitchen. You put the empty container and fork into the dishwasher, wincing more.

OA's hands find your back as you lean forward on your hands against the counter.

He presses into the painful spot, giving you a moment of relief "You should go lie down"

"Lying down hurts my back, but I think my feet hurt more"

"I'll flip the couch pillows"

You and watch, holding the blanket you spend most of your time wrapped up in on the sofa. A maternity gift from one of OA's sisters, amazingly soft and warm. The only thing that doesn't make your skin itch. When you're cold you often wrap yourself up like a burrito in it.

Once the pillows are readjusted and stacked up OA instructs you to sit down, and sits with you. He pulls your legs into his lap.

He pushes up the ankle of your leggings, knowing he'll have to do your ankles as well.

His finger expertly work their magic.

Before long your half asleep. You feel the blanket being placed over you, and then a long kiss pressed against your forehead. You're too tired to even fight the sleep.

"I'll start dinner" is the last thing you hear before you fall asleep.

**********************************************

Tags: @ellixthea @lovelymari4 @chaneajoyyy

@honeychicana @beaminglife @amelatonin @themyscxiras @crushed-pink-petals @lady-olive-oil @jojolu @endless00paradise @est1887 @cajunpeach @melinda-january @profoundlynerdywolf @deathonyourtongue @designerwriterchic

@alicesfracturedmirror

[slash-em-up]

Holiday Cheer: Thomas Hewitt x Reader

Posting this one a smidge earlier than my other two Christmas offerings, because I know that by the time I’m up on Christmas Eve @dashinslashin will be halfway through their day!! (dumb time differences) - anyway - a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS TO THE MOST TALENTED, SWEETEST, LEAST BOTTOMEST ARTIST AROUND!!! 😜😘☃️🎄❄️

——————————————————————

The pale winter sun was already beginning to set as you hopped lightly down the steps of the Hewitt house.

Taking a moment to appreciate the lines painted in vivid orange and pink fading to the deepest blue in the Texas sky, you smiled softly and began your hunt.

You had a very particular quarry in mind, and he’d been evading your grasp all day.

The clang and clatter of tools in the old dilapidated barn was the first indication of where you’d find him.

Sure enough, as you slipped quietly through the door, you saw Thomas tinkering away at an old tractor engine near the back of the large structure.

He noticed your presence in the room almost immediately, and rose to greet you, wiping his hands on an oil-covered rag he’d stuffed into his back pocket.

You grinned widely as the gigantic man shuffled forward, still so very shy.

It never ceased to amaze you how aware Tommy was of his own size. You’d met tall men and strong men and large men before; but Thomas had never been told that his size was an asset for anything other than back-breaking labor - so when you arrived he took every precaution to handle you like you were made of glass, hunching his shoulders to appear smaller in your presence - anything to keep you from being intimidated by him.

Initially, you’d been oh so thankful for his efforts; but now, after getting to know what a gentle soul Thomas really was, it only made you sad.

You held your arms out to the approaching man and he came close enough to be within reach, but not so close that you couldn’t step away and change your mind about the affectionate embrace.

Of course you didn’t, and with a step closer you wrapped your arms around Thomas’ thick torso, enjoying his warmth and the sensation of his deep breathing moving his chest up and down against yours.

Hugging Tommy reminded you of pressing yourself against the barrel chest of a draft horse. All power and heat while maintaining an innate stillness that you found immensely calming.

Thomas and you had been circling around an unacknowledged *something* between yourselves for several weeks now. You’d finally worked up the courage to take the leap and see if the giant man next to you was interested in diving in as well.

Hoyt, Luda Mae, and Uncle Monty had all left for the night, going to visit relatives across town - the Christmas season pulling them from their homebody existence and out into the cool winter evening. This gave you the perfect opportunity to enact your plan.

Pulling away from the warm embrace, you gazed up into Thomas’ muddy brown eyes, enjoying how sincerely transfixed they were on you.

“Hey Tommy, I was wondering… maybe, since the family is away, you and I could have some holiday cheer too… what do you think?”

Thomas looked curious, cocking one thick eye brow.

You inhaled deeply, working up to the question you really wanted to ask.

“I was thinking we could watch a movie together? Tonight’s Christmas Eve and I know CBS is usually showing ‘The Wizard of Oz’ around now… have you ever seen it?”

Tommy shook his head.

“Well, that might be fun… like a date.”

Thomas stepped away from you quickly as soon as your words registered.

His head bent low, greasy curls coming forward to cover his face as he wrung his hands in anxious movements.

You took a step forward – Tommy retreated further.

A sad sigh escaped your lips.

“I’m sorry Tommy… I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I just thought we… never mind. I’ll leave you alone.”

Turning, you quickly jogged out of the barn.

Feeling lower than low, you sat heavily on the porch steps, letting the weight of Thomas’s rejection sink onto your shoulders. You could feel tears welling in your eyes, but tried to bravely pull them back in.

How could you have been so stupid? Of course Tommy wasn’t interested in you. His family had been an inch away from turning you into a pot roast less than three months ago! You were an affectionate pet to him at best. Honestly, you should have known better.

It couldn’t have been more than fifteen minutes later that your self-flagellation was interrupted by the sound of heavy boots crossing the hard-packed dirt of the front yard.

Your wet eyes rose to see Tommy walking slowly towards the house, eyes on you, but not meeting your own. He had a hand behind his back, and as you stood he quickened his pace, coming to the bottom of the steps in front of you.

His whole body was shaking with nerves as he thrust his hidden hand forward, revealing a large bright orange bunch of snapdragons.

His shaking became worse the longer you stared at the flowers, and he looked like he might faint as you reached forward and took the vivid blooms from his grasp.

“Do you want to go inside?”

Tommy nodded shallowly, blushing a bright red above his leather half-mask.

You beamed at him, holding the hand not wrapped around the snapdragons out towards the giant man.

Pausing for a moment, Thomas reached forward and gingerly grasped your hand with his own, completely dwarfing your slender fingers.

Pulling him up the steps and into the house you couldn’t contain your giddy smile, practically skipping into the living room and turning on the television.

Tommy released your hand, gesturing to the kitchen and motioning for you to stay put.

You turned back to the static-y television as he left the room, fiddling with the antenna until you were satisfied that the picture wouldn’t fuzz out on you both during the film.

The channel was thankfully one of the few that reached your corner of Texas, and you let out a quiet exclamation of joy as the opening credits of the film rolled across the screen.

The clunk of heavy boots signaled Tommy’s return, and you hurried over to help him with the tray ladened with steaming mugs of Luda Mae’s apple cider and Christmas cookies.

Once the drinks and cookies were situated, you sat down on the ancient floral pattern couch, patting the seat next to you.

Tommy hesitated once more, and you pouted.

“Now Tommy, it’s not going to be much of a date if you won’t even sit by me.”

Looking moderately sheepish, Tommy dropped heavily onto the cushion at your side.

His weight made the old thing dip, and your hip and side were soon pressed against his.

“Is this okay?”

Thomas nodded immediately, eyes bright like he couldn’t believe his luck, and now it was your turn to blush. No one had ever looked at you like Thomas did - like you were something magical and otherworldly come to life.

“You can put your arm around me if you like.”

A pause, and then one heavily muscled arm rose to lightly rest over your shoulders, fingers curling softly against your sweater.

You pulled yourself in closer to Tommy, soaking in his heat like a sponge as you settled in to watch Judy Garland begin to sing ‘Somewhere Over the Rainbow’.

As soon as the twister took Dorothy and Toto to Oz Tommy was enthralled. His eyes were wide and he sat minutely forward as the munchkins revealed themselves, and startled when the Wicked Witch burst into the scene.

Having watched the movie many times over past Christmases, you were much more interested in Thomas’s reactions.

He soon noticed your attention and looked away, embarrassed.

“Don’t hide, I like watching you enjoy the movie.”

You reached out, grabbing a cookie from the tray and holding it out as a peace offering.

Tommy looked down at the cookie and then up at you. He smiled, and it completely transformed his eyes, warming them from soil to a deep chocolate brown.

As Dorothy started her journey down the yellow brick road you leaned in and pressed a kiss to Thomas’s cheek.

You heard him gasp as you withdrew.

His palm flew up to touch his face, as if trying to hold your kiss to that one spot.

“Merry Christmas, Tommy.”

[solacekames]

What Caused The Mass Panic At Newark Airport? Racism.

Buzzfeed - Amber Jamieson - Posted on September 6, 2019, at 4:29 p.m. ET

When an Alaska Airlines employee yelled "evacuate" at a major New York–area airport on Labor Day, one of the busiest travel days of the year, it sent 200 panicked people fleeing amid fears of a mass shooting attack.

Dozens of Port Authority police responded to Newark Liberty Airport in New Jersey on Monday night around 8.30 p.m. after the female airline employee yelled for people to evacuate before setting off an emergency alarm. Initial reports said she believed two male passengers were acting suspiciously, and when she approached them they started running.

But the two Chinese-born men at the center of the incident told BuzzFeed News it all began as a case of racial profiling. In their first media interview, the men said they did not know each other, did not run away, and that it was the airline employee who had been acting erratically.

"It was a very shocking experience," said Han Han Xue.

Xue, 29, had spent the holiday weekend visiting friends in New York City and was waiting at Gate 30 to board his delayed Alaska Airlines flight home to San Francisco. As he stood "minding [his] own business," he said the Alaska Airlines employee in uniform walked into him from behind, pushing past. He brushed it off but moments later she returned, circling around where he was standing.

She then approached Chunyi Luo, a 20-year-old student standing near him. "Are you scared? Are you nervous?" Luo said she asked him.

Luo, who moved from Shanghai two years ago to study finance at a San Francisco college, said he told her he was feeling nervous because the flight was late. He said she told him that flights in the US were often delayed, but she stood "too close" to him so he stepped a few feet away.

Then she began asking Xue questions. She asked if he knew Luo (the two were strangers) and what his itinerary was. She then asked, "Why are you acting suspiciously?"

Xue said he struggled to know how to respond as the questions from the employee became more bizarre. "How much are they paying you?" he said she asked him, not clarifying who "they" were. "Did they give you a visa? Did they give your family a visa? Do you make a lot of money? Do you work on Wall Street? Are you on an American visa?" Xue said she asked him.

Born in China, Xue grew up in Canada, where he is a citizen, and works as a product designer at Lyft in California.

Luo said he could hear the woman asking Xue why he was acting suspiciously and heard her say the word "Asian."

Xue said at this point he felt like he was being racially targeted and harassed, so he walked about 6 feet away to join the passengers boarding the flight, hoping she'd bother someone else.

But she followed him, saying, "I'm onto you guys. The cops are already called."

"I couldn’t believe this was happening," said Xue.

He then watched the employee walk into the jet bridge at Gate 30, before emerging and starting to speak with gate agents. A gate agent then announced that boarding would be paused as there was an issue. Immediately afterward, the Alaska Airlines employee suddenly yelled, "Evacuate, evacuate!" and pressed an emergency alarm, said Xue.

"The moment it happened is really hard to describe," he said. "Everybody started running. It was the most insane scene I've ever been in or ever seen."

He said hundreds of people were tripping over each other, crying and screaming as they tried to flee. One man screamed at his female partner to drop her luggage so they could run faster. Xue ran with the crowd to another gate and escaped onto the tarmac.

Video posted on social media shows the chaos.

Michael Wolfmuller, 38, was walking toward the gate to board his flight home to San Francisco when he heard "evacuate" and saw people screaming and running in his direction.

"I heard the word 'shooter' when we were running," said Wolfmuller. He said he even heard glass breaking.

After the recent mass shootings in West Texas, in El Paso, and in Dayton, Ohio, Wolfmuller assumed he was next. "I thought I was going to get shot in the back," he told BuzzFeed News. "With everything that's been happening the last few months, that's pretty much what I was waiting for."

Luo didn't realize he had anything to do with the situation, and also believed there was a shooter. "I thought somebody had a gun," he told BuzzFeed News. "Everyone is running. I just followed them and escaped."

But once police arrived within a minute and started scanning the crowd, Xue said he felt compelled to come forward and identify himself. "I'm like, So, 90% chance I have something to do with this and it's escalated way too fast," said Xue.

"Intellectually, I know I didn't do anything wrong and that I can explain my way out of the situation," said Xue. "But the only time I was really anxious was when the cops first showed up."

He approached an officer and said that an Alaska Airlines employee told him she was calling police. Xue said the officer looked him up and down and then said "OK, we got the guy," into his two-way radio.

He said officers quickly surrounded him, and took him away from the crowd, asking him questions. One asked, "Where is your friend?" and Xue explained that he was traveling alone, but that the airline employee seemed to think he knew the young man standing next to him.

Police found Luo in the crowd and also started questioning him. Both Luo and Xue said police were calm and courteous to them. "Why do you think she thought you were suspicious?" asked one officer.

Xue replied that he didn't know "other than the fact we are both East Asian."

At one point, the Alaska Airlines employee came out of the jetway bridge and looked down below, where both men were speaking to police. "We got them motherfuckers,” she yelled, according to Xue.

Wolfmuller, who was busy helping a mother find her daughters on the tarmac, said he saw the employee return. "I heard the F-word and some screaming directed definitely at them," he said.

Once it was clear no one was in immediate danger and it seemed to be a misunderstanding, police let Luo and Xue go. All affected passengers had to be rescreened through security.

After several more hours waiting for their flight to San Francisco to take off, it was canceled and rescheduled for the following day, with passengers put up in a nearby hotel. Xue and Luo met for the first time at the hotel and shared their stories with each other and other passengers (the group even took a photo together).

An Alaska Airlines spokesperson told BuzzFeed News in an emailed statement they were investigating what had happened. "We understand the Newark issue was alarming and distressing for our guests and other flyers, and for that we are deeply sorry," said Oriana Branon. "We are conducting a thorough investigation of the incident and gathering witness statements to understand what exactly took place and why this happened."

No one from Alaska Airlines directly contacted Luo or Xue until after BuzzFeed News reached out to the airline on Thursday. Within hours, the airline emailed Xue. "I just found out who you are today," wrote the director of customer advocacy, which was seen by BuzzFeed News. "Mainly I wanted to check in with you and see what I can [do] to help." (Xue noted that he had left his name and contact information with an Alaska Airlines manager at the gate after the incident when he asked for an explanation.)

Alaska Airlines did not answer any questions about the employee who caused the commotion, saying it does not comment on personnel. CBS 2 reported that a source told them the woman has bipolar disorder and had missed her medication.

Lenis Rodrigues from Port Authority said the employee was questioned and released by Port Authority police, but would not comment on health issues. The Union County Prosecutor's Office said their office is aware of the incident and is in touch with authorities but that no decision had been made yet if any charges will be filed.

Xue said any health problems do not excuse the racism he experienced. "If she does have issues, it's on Alaska to make sure she's not placed in a position where she is responsible for the safety of others," he said.

He noted that East Asians aren't usually profiled in shooting or terror situations, but said he feared that "maybe there is a shift in Trump's America and all this [Chinese] trade war situation."

For both Xue and Luo, the situation was a horrible and stressful incident, compounded by Alaska Airlines refusing to even explain to them what had happened as media reports spread saying they'd been acting suspiciously and had run away.

"I'm so angry about that," said Luo. "I'm just so scared... it's horrible, it's awful."

"It's very uncharacteristic of me to go public like this about anything and it's causing me anxiety," said Xue.

But Xue's frustration at Alaska Airlines made him feel like he had no option. "At this point for all I know she still works at Alaska in the same position, and that alone is worrying," he said. "I don't want to perpetuate this idea that you can just throw this under the rug and that’s it."

[honeybammie]

the world › bang chan

↳ in which chan is back after being away for months, and he doesn’t smell like home anymore ↳ little bit angsty, mostly fluffy 

Chan is home, returning for the first time in months. He doesn’t smell like himself anymore. No longer do the scents of singed candle wicks like lavender and oak cling to his skin. Instead, the entire world fills my nostrils: spices I have never tasted and flowers I have never heard of. He smells like the rain in Thailand, and I have no idea what that even means. At the very least, he looks like himself—a few months older, maybe, and tired, but the latter has always been true. 

The afternoon is warm, mid-seventies, and I’m shaking. Shaking because touching him sends jolts of electricity through my legs. Shaking because I smell the same and look the same and am for the most part well-rested. Shaking because I’m not the world.

But Chan doesn’t seem to realize.

“Hi,” he says, kissing my forehead and cheeks and every inch of my bare face until he settles on my lips. “I’m home.”

I hadn’t stopped fidgeting in days, but hearing him say home stills my nerves for a brief moment of peace. “You are,” I say, cupping his face in my hands to confirm. He’s not a compilation of pixels through a low-quality video chat or a high-quality fan photo. He’s warm and real and here. 

“Are you cold?” he asks, leaning into my touch. I wonder if the electricity flows in him, too. It has to. “You’re shaking.”

I shake my head. No, I was afraid you’d come home from the world and realize I’m only a fraction of it— a fraction that starts with a decimal and is followed by a million zeros. 

But he tells me, on a nightly basis, that he loves me, that he can’t wait to see me again. I grasp for him over video chat on the nights he has a spare moment to call, hoping my atoms will disperse and reform on the other side of the computer. My attempts have yet to meet success. 

“Just excited,” I tell him instead. He lifts his hands to wrap his fingers around mine, squeezing gently to remind me not to venture too deep into my own thoughts. 

“Want to tell me how your week has been?” he asks. Usually he takes a few minutes to ask what I’ve been up to, but wrapping up promotions has taken up so much time that he’s barely been able to message me other than to tell me goodnight. 

To be honest, I don’t remember any of the past four days now that he’s here. I had lunch with a coworker. French food, I think, or maybe Greek. I got an email about an event downtown and wanted him to join me, but what or when the event was escapes me. “It was just another week. It became the best week a couple minutes ago.” I blush, and in a quieter voice I add. “I’d rather you tell me about the world.”

“Okay, then let’s sit. Mind taking this?” Chan hands the bag on his shoulder over to me and lifts the two suitcases behind him, carrying them into the living room. He told me a couple times that he’s been working out a lot, but I only notice the progress now in the way his muscles shift under the black tee he’s wearing. 

Oh, I think, swallowing hard, but the thought that follows is one of thousands of screaming fans ogling over the same body that I do. I’m still getting used to sharing him. 

“Come here, silly.” He brings me back by patting the space on the couch next to him, and I join. He takes back the bag that I carried and sets it in the unoccupied cushion, pulling back the zipper to reveal contents I don’t recognize. 

“What’s all this?” I ask, craning my neck over him. 

“I’m gonna show you! No peeking!” he fusses, and I smile a little at his childlike enthusiasm. He’s brought back pieces of the world, treasures to share with me. 

One by one, he pulls materialized memories out of the bag, explaining each gift like they are stars he brought from the sky, and to me, they’re damn close. There’s a bracelet in my favorite color that he found at a bazaar in the Philippines, and a vial of sand from a beach in Thailand with a couple shells trapped inside. Candy from Japan he says I’ll love, a few books on foreign philosophies that he knows I’ll devour as soon as he leaves again. Even a tacky “I Heart New York” shirt thrown in the mix, because he thought it was funny, and I think it’s funny, too. 

“Oh, one more thing,” he gushes, reaching into a side zipper as he tells me to close my eyes. I listen, squeezing them shut until cool metal hits my hand. “Okay, you can open them now.”

There’s a silver key resting in my palm, attached to a delicate chain. “Let me guess. Because I have the key to your heart?” I tease, expecting him to pull out another necklace with a locket. 

“Not quite,” he says, showing me his hand, in which rests an identical key. He flips it over to show me the spot where my initials are engraved, and I turn over my own. Sure enough: CB. “Because together, we can unlock any door, or do anything, or be whoever we want.”

“That’s just as cheesy,” I say, deadpan. 

“It’s romantic!” he pouts. “I had them custom-made in Paris. They didn’t appreciate that I only gave them two days, but it worked out.” 

“Paris?” I echo, and I love the gift that much more. He had been to a couple countries in Europe, but not France. How would he ever have found the time? 

“You’ve always wanted to go, and one day, we’ll go together, but for now I decided to bring a piece back to you,” he says. I think my heart falls out of my chest because it needs to find a place with more room to love him. “Do you mind if I—?” He takes the necklace, unclasps it, and hooks it around my neck. I return the favor, and for a moment we sit and stare at the other half. At our other half. 

“Une clé,” I say. My years of French classes don’t fail me, and he smiles. 

“That has a nice sound to it,” he muses, hooking his finger under my chain and gently pulling me forward until my lips brush his. “Une clé.” My accent is better, but his effort is admirable. I spend the afternoon teaching him French words.

Night is normal again, with Chan in his spot in bed next to mine. The way it should be. The way it rarely is. His long day of travel puts him to sleep first, but I remain, unable to help myself as I get a headstart on one of the books he brought home. I glance at him now and again, too, trying to get used to the changes. His presence. His physique. His key, still hanging around his neck. One of his arms is tucked under the pillow, and the other reaches for me, rested on my stomach so he knows I’m there. I’m not the only one who has to remind myself, apparently. 

“Baby,” he murmurs long after I assumed him asleep, fingers twitching to life.

“Yes?” I answer, marking my page and closing the book. I set it on the nightstand, sliding down under the covers until my nose is only inches from his. He smells less worldly after a long shower, but still doesn’t smell like home.

“You were worried earlier,” he says. “The shaking. Your eyes. I could tell. What was wrong?”

I was afraid. I was afraid. I was afraid. I think of the world in him and the stagnancy in myself. “There’s the world, and there’s me. There are a thousand cities waiting for you and a million people, and there’s me. There are infinite things, and there’s me. Do you understand?”

His eyes flutter shut in a moment of tired processing, and then he shakes his head. “Not at all.”

I take a deep breath and sigh. “I’m afraid that while you’re out seeing the entire world, you’ll forget about me, because the world is so big and I’m so small and eventually the cities and the sights and the people will swallow me whole.”

He’s wide awake now, eyes darting to every curve and edge of my face. “You’re not the world,” he says. So he does realize. “But you are bigger—bigger than every city, or every sight, or every person put together. I’d sooner forget myself than you.”  

“I get jealous. Sometimes,” I admit, quieter, because I hate to say it. “Because the world gets to see you so much, and I get to see you so little, and I have to share you with a million people who fawn over you and your talent and your body and...everything. Is that terrible? Am I terrible?”

“You’re jealous that other people want to sleep with me?” he smirks. I whack his arm and try to roll over, but he laughs and brings me right back. It’s not hard to do. “I appreciate you everyday for letting me live my dream. You know that, right?”

I nod. Because I do. And Chan would never look at another person with an ounce of the adoration he showed me, but every once in a while jealousy grinned my way. “I know, yes.”

“And maybe there are a million others you have to share me with, but none of them I’d share this with.” He touches the key hanging at my chest. “They’re custom, remember? No two others like them anywhere, and no one deserves to wear it except you.” 

“Just me and you,” I say, and he nods. As much as the world around us has changed, Chan is the same boy I fell in love with. To most, time and distance are a ticking equation for ruin, but they’re nothing but words to him.

“And one day you’ll be able to see it all with me. I’ll bring you everywhere I’ll go, and we’ll never be apart longer than a week.” 

The promise sounds so far away, especially considering he’ll leave again in a few weeks, but I believe him. “And until then I have the key. And everything else you brought.”

“Exactly. And my love, always,” he says, kissing my forehead. “What’s French for ‘you have the key to my heart’?”

“You said that’s not what they were for.”

“They can have a dual meaning, and I’m curious.” He shrugs, but I know he just wants to hear me say something else in French.

“Tu as la clé de ma cœur.”

He repeats after me, his pronunciation much less graceful, and he giggles at the sound of himself halfway through, but the sentiment is the same. 

“Et tu as la mienne,” I answer. I don’t need to translate for him to know.

me?? actually writing something?? and posting it?? after three months?? i’m gonna try to be more active i promisE but college is R O U GH 

[voltronseatbelts]

Love Song in C Minor - Chapter Nine Bonus Scene (Keith’s POV)

Read the main fic on AO3

Summary:

Sendak pauses and glances between Keith and Lance. He nods at Axca, who pulls out one more paper.

“This is our solution. A fake romance between Keith Kogane, upcoming lead in Love on Daibazaal, and Lance McClain, leading man of Voltron.”

The silence that overtakes the room is deafening. Keith freezes and Lance’s jaw drops when Axca lays the paper down in front of them. Across the top is a mock headline: All You Need to Know About Hollywood’s New Darling Couple: Lance McClain and Keith Kogane.

Lance wakes up single with a hangover and goes to bed in a relationship with a stress migraine.

Bonus Scene Excerpt:

"Okay. Well, go on, Kogane. Like you said, I have a flight and some beauty sleep to catch up on.”

"Like you need that," Keith scoffs and rolls his eyes. He catches sight of Adam waving the chopsticks again, this time pointing to the extra seat on Keith’s side of the small dining table. Keith bites the inside of his cheek and steels himself. "Actually—I was wondering if you wanted to come over for dinner."

A few beats of excruciating silence. Then, "What? …You know I'm in New York, right? The Big Apple? The Los Angeles of the East Coast? Where you were not a day ago?”

Word Count: 1.5k 

Read the main fic on AO3

Keep reading for the bonus scene.

"Keith," Shiro's gentle voice says, cutting through the muck in Keith's brain.

"Nope," Keith mutters.

"Keith," Adam echoes from across the table. He sets his chopsticks down and folds his hands under his chin, leveling Keith with an unimpressed stern look Shiro's never been able to fully master. Reluctantly, Keith glances up from his phone. "You should invite him over for dinner.”

"What?" Keith scoffs, shoving the device to the edge of the table. He stabs at a chunk of rice and shoves it into his mouth so he won't be forced to say anything more.

"You're clearly already talking to him. If he's here, then you'll pay attention to dinner and talk to Lance.” He picks up his utensils again.

"Uh, no." Keith points to the still woefully blank phone. "He's not answering me anymore. Also, I'm not five years old. I'm not beholden to paying attention at dinner."

Shiro sighs long and deep at that, and Adam pats him sympathetically on the shoulder.

"Wouldn't it be nice to meet him properly, Adam?" Shiro asks as he takes Adam's hand in his own. "The last time and only time we saw Lance in person, he was—”

"I thought you said we wouldn't talk about this anymore!" Keith interrupts, jabbing a chopstick in Shiro' direction.

"—shoving his tongue down Keith's throat, and—”

"There was no tongue!"

"—he seems nice enough, but I didn't even catch a last name through them sucking face."

"Please, don't say sucking face ever again," Keith groans, burying his face in his hands.

"I wholeheartedly agree, Shiro," Adam says. "He's Cuban, right? I think I have a Caribbean cookbook around here somewhere. Maybe there's something in there he'd like."

"He's not coming for dinner." But at that moment, the phone vibrates. Keith and Shiro dive for it at the same time, but Shiro's just a millisecond faster. He snatches it and raises it high in the air.

"You get this back when you call the boy and invite him for dinner," he says, waving it around as he talks.

"Give it back! Why are you guys so stuck on this? He's not even here! He's in New York right now!" Shiro tosses the phone to Adam, who unlocks Keith's phone and opens the message.

"Lance says ‘You still text with no personality, but I appreciate the sentiment nonetheless,'" Adam reads, then purses his lips and nods. "Yeah, I like him. He should come to dinner."

"That's rude!"

"Oh, look. Shiro, there's a call button on this phone. Should I...press it?" Adam's thumb hovers ominously over the button, an innocent expression pasted over his true evil nature. Keith shoots out of his seat and practically vaults over the table, but Adam chucks the phone back to Shiro, and Shiro stands up and raises it over his head.

"Curse you for being tall!" Keith growls, jumping once to reach for it before realizing it's a futile attempt. "Don't call him! It's late over there!"

"Oh, it's late?" Shiro says with a raised eyebrow. "I don't think I've ever heard you worry about a time zone before. Actually, I distinctly remember you calling me in the dead of night when Adam and I went to Paris." Shiro and Adam exchange a look Keith doesn't want to understand, and Adam nods almost imperceptibly. Shiro presses the call button and lowers the phone to his ear. 

"Don't you dare," Keith hisses. He can hear the soft ringing and swings for the phone again—but it’s too late.

"... Keith?" a faint, tinny, distinctly Lance voice asks.

Shiro beams. “Lance, hey! This is Shiro, actually. Congratulations on the second single!”

Before the conversation can go any further, Keith shouts, “Give me the phone, you fuck!” and wrenches it out of Shiro’s hand himself. He stumbles back a step and flips the bird to Shiro’s stupidly amused face.

"Hi, sorry about him. It’s me, Keith," Keith says into the receiver, slightly breathless, and he cringes when he hears his own words. Shiro smugly puts his hand on his hip and returns to his seat.

"I can tell by your voice, dummy. Why did Shiro call me on your phone?" Lance asks.

Before Keith’s mouth starts working again, he closes his eyes and tries to breathe evenly. It’s been one day. One whole day, and he missed Lance’s voice, the honey lilt of it, the teasing edge. This is a new low for him, and Adam’s raised eyebrow agrees.

It’s not his fault. They’ve been together practically every day lately, and Keith’s gotten used to it in his ear, high-pitched when offended and sultry when looking to offend. Hearing it again just…takes a second to digest.

"I, uh—" he stutters. Adam taps his half-finished plate with the chopsticks and Shiro points between them. Right. Dinner. "I actually. Had a question."

"Oh, really?" Lance hums. "And you didn't feel like answering over text?"

"I…guess not.”

"Okay. Well, go on, Kogane. Like you said, I have a flight and some beauty sleep to catch up on.”

"Like you need that," Keith scoffs and rolls his eyes. He catches sight of Adam waving the chopsticks again, this time pointing to the extra seat on Keith’s side of the small dining table. Keith bites the inside of his cheek and steels himself. "Actually—I was wondering if you wanted to come over for dinner."

A few beats of excruciating silence. Then, "What? …You know I'm in New York, right? The Big Apple? The Los Angeles of the East Coast? Where you were not a day ago?”

"I know that, idiot. I mean, like, tomorrow, when you’re back. Or sometime."

"Please tell me you're not cooking.”

"No, Adam's cooking. Because Adam and Shiro will be here."

"Oh!" He sounds surprised. "I mean, oh-kay. Yeah. Yeah, I'll come over for dinner."

"Good."

"...Good. Is that all you wanted to say?"

It sinks in. Lance is coming to dinner. Shiro and Adam coerced Lance into coming to dinner.

He flips Shiro off again, just for good measure, but that doesn’t stop the corners of his mouth lifting into something that must be stupidly and illegally fond. Lance isn’t physically here, though, so he turns his back to Adam and Shiro and doesn’t bother to compress it into something else.

He wants to keep talking. Maybe like they do in the movies, like it’s the 80’s and Keith stretches the cord of the wall phone until he can shut it behind his bedroom door and say coyly, What are you doing?

But he can’t and he won’t. Too incriminating. Keith is not a giggly 80’s teen, nor will he ever be caught within a foot of something like it. He’s cool. He’s suave. He’s unaffected.

So, as he fixes his face into something neutral and turns around again, he lands on, “That’s all. I'll look forward to it."

"Me, too," Lance replies. "Text me when, okay?"

Across the table, Shiro and Adam fist bump, and Keith holds himself back from rolling his eyes again.

"I will. Uh, have a good flight. Don’t get Hunk sick again. I don’t think Coran ever got him Tums."

"No promises." Keith can practically see Lance's wink on the other end.

“Goodnight, Lance,” he says. Which means he’ll have to end the call. His thumb flexes, waiting for Lance’s last word.

“’Night,” Lance replies. It echoes in Keith’s mind as their phones disconnect.

Keith slumps in his seat and puts the phone face down on the corner of the table again to glare at the two criminals surrounding him.  

"I despise both of you," he says, picking up his chopsticks.

"You love us," Shiro says. "And we love you. You know that, right?"

"Whatever. Don't go all mushy on me."

Shiro and Adam exchange another look. Keith doesn't bother trying to decipher that one.

"Well, I'm excited to meet your boyfriend properly," Shiro says.

"He's not my boyfriend."

"Right. I forgot about that part."

Keith flicks a grain of rice and it sticks on Shiro's nose. Adam dissolves into giggles as Shiro goes cross-eyed, and the topic drops like a fucking miracle.  

Later, when Shiro's begun washing dishes and Adam takes his paper grading to the kitchen table to join him, Keith burrows himself into the living room couch with Kosmo at his feet, snoring softly. Well, as softly as an enormous mutt who might be half-wolf snores.

Since no one is around, he scrolls absently through Twitter. Absently, of course, until the posts of random people he couldn’t care less leads him to a recent one by Lance.

@lanceymcclain – playing tunes and talking to slav on cbs tonight @ 11:30 est! and REUNION is out at midnight, right after the performance! the return’s SECOND SINGLE!!! [Attached Image: All four members of Voltron behind Slav’s desk, mimicking his owlish demeanor with varying degrees of success.]

Keith finds himself smiling and automatically opening his text thread with Lance—and promptly turns his face into the cushions and silently screams.

Lance wouldn’t reply. He's probably asleep. And flying. It’s whatever. He shoves the phone between the couch cushions and sits up to preoccupy himself with scratching behind Kosmo’s ears.

"I don't know what I'm doing, Kosmo," Keith murmurs. The dog shifts once and continues snoring. "And you're no fucking help, either."

[drlaurynlax]

14 Best Ways to Gain Weight (Without Harmful Effects)


Gain Weight Without Making Yourself Sick

Move over “GOMAD” (Gallon of Milk A Day) and searching Dr. Google for the answers “how to gain weight fast”…Let these 14 essentials light the way. 

So you want to gain weight, but you “can’t.”

Some people call it a “hard gainer,” others call it “genetics,” others call it “not eating enough” or “working out too much,” and others wish they had your problem.

No matter what your theory is behind why you CAN’T seem to gain weight…it sucks.

While the majority of America is seemingly hyper focused on weight loss with 1 in 3 Americans overweight (1) (and more than 85% of all people overweight by 2030 if trends continue, 2), for those who struggle with putting weight on (or keeping it on), it can feel equally disheartening. Being underweight can affect your body image, strength and often times even health.

I get it.

“I’m a Hard Gainer” (Story of my LIFE)

For most of my life I’ve struggled with my weight.

Early Bloomer

My pre-teens were characterized by being a healthy “early bloomer”—one of the tallest in my class, the first to shave my legs and wear a sports bra by age 9, and ranking in the top percentile on the BMI charts for my height and weight.

Chronic Dieting

By age 10, I forcefully put a dramatic halt to this—wanting nothing to do with womanhood, and more than anything, wanting to be considered thin, pretty and popular. My adolescence, teens and early 20’s were spent battling my weight and destroying my metabolism through malnourishment, subsisting on fat free yogurt, baby carrots, apples and deli turkey. I counted calories and fat grams as if it were my job, and there was a time I even feared water.

Force Feeding Weight Gain: Hypermetabolic

Doctors sent me in and out of treatment centers and hosptials, like I was on vacation, and my weight forcefully yo-yoed, as protocols forced me to sit on a couch for 3-9 months at a time, eating Egg McMuffins, Ensure shakes and Pop-tarts to put weight on and keep me alive.

My nutritionists were always “shocked” at how my body would respond to the “absurd” amount of calories and large meal plans they’d put me on, telling me I was “hypermetabolic” due to the years of starvation and metabolic disruption to my system.

Eating a Michael Phelps’ Olympic Diet

Come age 24, when I chose to recover from my 15 years of anorexia and orthorexia, this once more meant fluctuations in my weight—rebounding up from death’s doorstep at 79 pounds and feeling like the walking dead, to a “healthier place” where my body could do things a normal 24-year-old body should do (like menstruate, think clearly,and sweat in yoga class).

Nevertheless, as I once more began the classic re-feeding “weight gain” diet, my body still struggled. At the time, I was in eating disorder treatment, and being fed the equivalent of what Michael Phelps ate to win his dozens of Olympic Medals—from takeout pizza, to milkshakes, ice cream, Snickers bars, peanut butter crackers, bagels and waffles—without burning a calorie or swimming a stroke my metabolism was super fast, and yet the my gain weight process was SUPER SLOW.

For almost a year, constipation and bloating were my daily nemesis, I rarely saw a green vegetable of any sort, and no one cared that I was both lactose intolerant and gluten intolerant, with underlying autoimmune diseases that wreak havoc on the body when fed inflammatory foods. However, as forceful and painful as it felt, I did gain weight, and everyone else (but myself) were happy with the number on the scale.

Confused: Health vs. Unhealthy Weight Gain

Despite wanting to be healthy and also restore healthy weight myself, inside I felt awful. Why did “getting healthy” and having a “healthy body” have to be such a painful, forced process? Why did my body have such a hard time to gain weight? Not once did anyone talk to me about the real reasons why my body struggled so much to put healthy weight on—and be in a healthy place for my body.

Redefining a Healthy Body & Weight for ME

After I got out of treatment and back to the real world, in my new 40+ pound heavier body, I felt like I was Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz— not in Kansas anymore. In my new skin, and world of new opportunity before me (instead of standing face to face with death), I knew I had one of two choices—move forward or go back to my old ways.

I had no idea what “maintaining” my weight looked like—since for the past 15 years, my world had seemingly revolved around others wanting me to gain weight, and me fearing it so much…but I knew I did NOT want to go back down the road I had traveled.

In my new skin, I did my best to accept myself just as I was, with a few more rolls and much fuller face, without letting the old diet mentality slip back in—making me fear every morsel I put into my mouth.

Thankfully, at this time, I found an amazing CrossFit community that showed me the beauty of being strong, self-confident, and eating real whole foods. I decided to finish my Doctorate in Occupational Therapy and later furthered my education in Nutrition—both of which gave me realistic insight and truth about what holistic health is all about. And my faith and belief in the fact that I am truly fearfully and wonderfully made and here for a greater purpose than my body helped me stand firm.

Weight was seemingly no longer my issue!

Weight Issues Strike Again

Fast forward to age 28-30, my freedom from body image and the never ending struggle to gain weight came back with vengeance. This time, not in the form of an eating disorder, but a little something something known as IBS and SIBO—small intestinal bacterial overgrowth—gut dysfunctions where I could not keep food and nutrients in my body, no matter how much I ate or how healthy I ate. While I was no longer eating a steady diet of baby carrots or the opposite treatment extremes (fast food) at the time, everything I put into my mouth, ended right back up—in the toilet.

Bloating, gas, loose and watery stools and chronic diarrhea struck and lingered for a good 6-months until I really realized something was up beyond “bad digestion.”

In that time, I lost a good 10 to 15 pounds of redefined healthy muscle and feel-good body image I’d begun to find post-treatment and anti-eating disorder.

I felt horrible—inside and out—and self conscious, like people who looked at me, and knew my back story of my eating disorder, saw me right back “there”—at square one in the thick of “ED.”

Several people commented, “You should put on weight.” Others talked about me behind my back, “Lauryn has no right being on a stage talking about her eating disorder past. She doesn’t look healthy and she’s obviously still struggling.” And still others told me straight to my face, “Lauryn, if you’d put more weight on, your words and work you do to help others heal from their own food and body struggles would have more weight.”

An “angel investor” wanted to give me $100,000 to drive my bigger vision forward of helping people on a global scale and opening up a functional medicine center in the heart of Texas…until he met me face to face. He knew my back story—my recovery from a death gripping eating disorder and had seen my news feature on CBS—but after meeting me, he said he’d only fund my business on one condition—I gain about 15-20 pounds.

Will I ALWAYS Struggle with Weight?!

This set me over the edge—frustrated with my body and my weight.

Once I really realized that the SIBO and IBS had taken a toll on my body, I went to work on gaining weight…like it was my full time job.

More than anything, I wanted to help others and see my vision through, and if the only thing I had to do was put on 15-20 pounds….I could do anything right?

Buzz.

Weight gain proved to be harder than ever. No matter how much I ate—upwards of 3000 calories—the weight would not go on. And more and more came out.

About this same time is when I began to get more serious about the practice and art of functional medicine, and I threw myself into both self and formal study—training under some of the top leaders in medicine and the evolving functional medicine field.

Functional medicine is ALL about helping people get to the root of the health struggles, understanding what is going on “under the hood” or what is holding them back from being the healthy, vibrant person they want to be.

And as I began studying to help others…I also began learning and studying and discovering the answers to also helping myself…

Long story short, I discovered several reasons—real reasons—my body has struggled to gain weight for a LONG TIME…and several reasons why your body probably also struggles with weight issues too—both weight gain or weight loss.

You DON’T Have to Struggle with Weight Forever

No matter your personal history and relationship with your body and your weight; and whether you want to gain weight or lose weight, you don’t have to struggle forever—especially when you better understand the root causes driving weight dysfunction for you in the first place.

While I am not 100% where I want to be yet, I am getting there—up almost 8 pounds—and gradually healing the underlying mechanisms that have kept my body from being the optimal healthiest version of myself for YEARS.

If you’re tired of fighting your weight, here are 14 REAL reasons you can’t gain weight (beyond just being a “hard gainer”) and 14 essentials to reverse your struggle.

14 REAL REASONS YOU CAN’T GAIN WEIGHT + 14 ESSENTIALS TO GAIN WEIGHT THE HEALTHY WAY

1. Your Gut Microbiome is Unhealthy

The gut is the gateway to health (healthy weight included). Your gut is home to trillions of gut bacteria (100 trillion to be exact). Your gut bacteria and digestive system as a whole are responsible for: helping your body digest and absorb every single nutrient you eat, using every vitamin and mineral in your food, detoxifying every single toxin that comes in contact with your body, boosting your immune system, telling your neurotransmitters how to “think,” and governing how fast, slow and healthy your metabolism and hormones function.

Gut bacteria can be “good” (healthy), “bad” (pathogenic, infectious) or “commensal” (neither good nor bad.  In the case of the weight gain dilemma, if you have a chronic gut infection (like parasites or unhealthy bacteria), bacterial overgrowth (SIBO), yeast or fungal overgrowth, or other “gut problems” (like low stomach acid, IBS, “leaky gut”), then weight gain will be an uphill battle.

Poor gut health is related to malabsorption, nutrient deficiencies, cortisol imbalances (i.e. stress) and a super slow or, in your case, a super fast metabolism. 

While most studies around gut bacteria and weight tend to show the healthier your gut bacteria, the healthier your weight is (particularly for those who are overweight and obese), clinical and empirical practice also shows the opposite to be true: the more unhealthy your gut bacteria, the less healthy your body composition and weight (3).

If you are genetically predisposed to be a “hard gainer” already, you can bet your bottom dollar that you will struggle more with your weight if your gut is not healthy in the first place.

Weight Gain Essential: Boost Your Gut Health

Boost your gut health in your daily life with these steps:

Take a daily soil based probiotic and prebiotic

Take 1-2 digestive enzymes with meals

Add apple cider vinegar to water to boost stomach acid, and eat 1-2 spoonfuls of sauerkraut or fermented foods with each day

Consume natural herbs and compounds that boost gut function and heal leaky gut such as: ginger, cilantro, oregano, raw Manuka honey, peppermint, collagen, colostrum, and L-Glutamine powder to add to water.

Eat home cooked meals as much as possible, chew your food

Test, don’t guess. Work with a functional medicine practitioner to look into underlying gut dysfunctions holding you back from being in the healthy body you want to be. This may include stool testing, organic acids urine testing, SIBO breath testing, blood work or a mix of testing essentials.

2. You’re Not Maximizing Your Meals

Eating to gain weight can leave you stuffed—wondering how you can fit more “in”—especially when it seems like your weight is not budging. Everyone has their “sweet spot”—the right amount of foods that their body is able to utilize towards gaining weight, and it can be easy to undershoot this when it seems like you’re already eating all the time.

Your solution? Just suck it up and eat it! When I’ve hit this point, I find that instead of trying to fit in a whole other meal or snack, I instead look to maximize the meals I am already eating—and gradually add just a little bit more, so that my body and gut doesn’t feel overwhelmed.

Weight Gain Essential: Add Just a Little Bit Extra

Boost or maximize the meals you are already eating. Add:

An extra tablespoon of coconut oil to your veggies

A quarter of a cup more of sweet potatoes or squash

An extra ounce of protein

5-6 more raw nuts

A tablespoon of raw honey to your bedtime tea,

Or (my personal fave), a heaping spoonful of Keto-friendly ice cream or homemade coconut ice cream after dinner. Little things can make a big difference.

3. You’re Counting Quantity (Not Quality)

Calories and macros are only half the weight gain battle. Most blogs and articles on weight gain, and even personal trainers, will tell you to focus on “eating more,” “eating big,” “carbing up,” “getting lots of protein,” and healthy fats, but rarely do they talk about the quality of the foods you are eating. You can eat all the Tyson (hormone and antibiotic) raised chicken, pesticide-laden broccoli, and carb-rich rice or pasta in the world, but if the food sources are poor quality foods, you may as well be eating, but starving (at a cellular level).

Perfection and 100% organic foods are not the goal here, but a nutrient-dense diet is. For instance, the time broccoli makes it from the farm to the grocery store shelf, it has already lost well over 70% of its nutrients (4).

What this means for you in your weight gain journey? The less nutrient dense your diet, the less vitamins and minerals your body is able to use to “build on” towards your metabolic goals, at a cellular level, and the less likely your body is to absorb that food in the first place.

Weight Gain Essential: Aim for Quality Nutrients

Choose the best quality foods you can afford and vary up the foods within your diet often. (Eating the same things leaves your body and metabolism starving for certain nutrients—even if you are hitting your calorie or macro goals). Nutrient dense foods include:

Proteins

Pasture-raised poultry

Grass-fed meats

Wild caught fish

Organ Meats

Bone Broth

Vegetables 

Organic “Dirty Dozen” at least

Consume veggies within 1-3 days of buying, if possible

Cooked and sautéed veggies (digest best)

Dark leafy greens

Prebiotic fiber rich veggies & tubers (cooked and cooled potatoes/sweet potatoes, cooked and cooled white rice, green plantains, asparagus, onion, garlic, jicama, rutabaga, fennel)

Fresh Fruits

Especially antioxidant rich and digestive boosting fruits like:

Bananas (green tipped)

Blackberry

Blueberries

Cranberries

Cherries

Kiwi

Strawberries

Pineapple

Papaya

Plum

Healthy Fats

Avocado (1 small, 1/2 Medium, 1/3 Large=serving)

Avocado Oil

Beef Tallow

Coconut Butter

Coconut Flakes Unsweetened

Coconut Milk (additive-free; organic caned best)

Coconut Oil

Coconut Yogurt

Duck Fat

Egg Yolks (pasture raised, organic)

Extra Virgin Olive Oil

Fatty Cold Water Fish (Salmon, Sardines, Cod, Halibut)

Fatty Cuts of Meat (grass-fed, organic, pasture raised)

Flax Oil

Ghee

Goat’s Milk Butter

Grass-fed Butter

Grass-Fed Dairy* (Yogurt, Cream; No sugar, no additives, full-fat, plain; Limit amounts)

Grass-fed Goat’s Milk

Lard, Non-hydrogenated

Mayonnaise (Avoid brands with canola oil or sugar)

Olives

Palm Oil, Red Palm Oil

Palm Shortening (for baking)

  Fermented Foods

1-2 condiment sized servings per day

Fermented/Pickled Veggies

Fermented Condiments (Mustard, Ketchup, Relish, Horseradish, Salsas, etc.)

Kefir (Water, Coconut)

Kimchi

Kombucha (low sugar like Health Ade brand—only 2 grams of sugar, or make your own)

Kvass (Beet Kvass)

Miso & Natto (fermented varieties, no-additives)

Sauerkraut

Tempeh

Yogurt (Coconut Yogurt; full-fat grass-fed dairy with “live and active cultures only)

4. You’re Eating Foods You’re Intolerant To

Food intolerances can go undiagnosed for years. Unlike allergies where you get a direct reactive “histamine” response (wheezing, sneezing, watery eyes), food intolerances are less overt—manifesting as other signs and symptoms like malabsorption, bacterial overgrowth, fatigue, chronic stress, skin breakouts, lowered immunity, and metabolic disturbances, including difficulty gaining or losing weight).

Even “healthy” foods can be “trigger foods” for food intolerances if you’re immunity or gut function is not able to handle them. For instance, eggs, nuts, grains, tomatoes, sweet potatoes and even broccoli (FODMAP) are common irritants to individuals with underlying gut issues.

In addition, while foods like gluten get a “bad rep” and many people have chosen to avoid it (because it seems “healthier” all around), there are dozens of other foods with high cross-reactivity to gluten, such as: instant coffee, dairy, rice, buckwheat, tapioca and quinoa (in fact, many of these ingredients are often found in gluten free products).

Weight Gain Essential: Experiment with Foods that Work for Your Body

If you are struggling to put on weight and tend to eat the same things most days, experiment with food variety or eliminating questionable trigger foods for you to see how your body (and weight) respond. The top gut irritating foods many people find they are intolerant to include:

Nuts/Nutbutters

Peanuts/Soy

Grains

Dairy (especially conventional dairy)

Artificial Sweeteners Note: Don’t forget that “cutting out” doesn’t mean “restricting.” Instead replace these foods with other foods, such as tigernuts, pumpkin seeds, sunbutter, and coconut butter for nuts and nut butter; starchy tubers (like butternut squash, sweet potatoes or plantains) for grains; raw honey, xylitol, or pure maple syrup in place of most commercial sweeteners (in protein powders), and coconut milk/yogurt or full fat grassfed kefir and yogurt in place of conventional dairy.

5. You’re Forgetting Vegetables

Just because you’re in “weight gain” mode doesn’t mean that veggies have to go off the table. Vegetables provide your body (and gut) with essential fibers and prebiotics for digesting your food in the first place, as well as help ease digestion (and prevent bloating and constipation). Many people neglect veggies, especially on a weight gain diet, thinking that carrots and greens means eating like a bird. However, the opposite is true. Without veggies in your diet, your body does eat like a bird (not getting the well rounded nutrients you need to build into your cellular function and metabolic processes).

Weight Gain Essential: Taste the Rainbow

Aim for 1-3 veggies with each meal—especially dark leafy greens, prebiotic and soluble fibers (like cooked and cooled potatoes/sweet potatoes, roasted squash, carrots, beets). Preferably cook, sautee, steam or roast your veggies to enhance digestion (and prevent over fullness from raw veggies).

6. You Have a “Hollow Leg” (or Metabolic/Thyroid Imbalance or Mitochondrial Dysfunction)

Do you ever feel like your have a hollow leg—like no matter what you eat or how much you eats, your food goes nowhere? Although this is a funny expression that Uncle Joey used to joke with you about over Thanksgiving turkey, it may not be too far off if you have something else going on “under the hood.”

We briefly discussed the importance of gut health in point #1, but beyond the gut, an underlying dysfunction in your thyroid (metabolic mothership) or mitochondria (cells and cellular processes) can also challenge your weight gain efforts—especially if your body has ever been subjected to chronic stress. Stress wreaks havoc on your body as a whole—from circadian rhythm dysfunction, lack of sleep, poor quality foods, eating the same things every day, overtraining or under-training, antibiotic use, long-term medication use, a history of disordered eating and toxic chemical exposure.

For instance, in a study of individuals in recovery from chronic eating disorders (i.e. individuals with long term stress on their bodies), the subjects’ resting metabolic rate increased upwards of 20% for their height and weight—some needing upwards of 5,000 calories to gain and maintain their weight (5, 6).

This is significant since eating disorders are highly associated with chronic stress, thyroid and mitochondrial disturbances (3). Another example: toxic burden from overexposure to the 85,000+ unregulated chemicals in our plastics, cleaning and hygiene chemicals, toxic beauty products, heavy metals, mold, medications, tap water and pesticides can also wreak havoc on your body at a cellular level if you’ve had your fair share (7).

What this means for your metabolism? If the “balance” of your body’s processes is thrown off, then the last thing your body may want to do is “build” or gain weight. In fact, for some thyroid disturbances or mitochondrial dysfunction can lead to skeletal muscle breakdown, nutrient deficiencies and even unwanted weight loss, as your cells and hormones can become starved at a cellular level.

Weight Gain Essential: Get a Complete Blood Panel Run + Additional Testing (if Needed)

Look under the hood. Work with a practitioner to assess your metabolic health. Get blood work completed, including a complete thyroid panel, as well as complete iron panel (since iron overload and deficiencies can also influence metabolism). Your practitioner should be able to guide you for any further testing as well for things like: mold, autoimmunity, organic acids, and heavy metals if warranted.

Here are the ideal ranges for thyroid markers:

TSH 1-2 UIU/ML or lower (Armour or compounded T3 can artificially suppress TSH) Free T4 >1.1 NG/DL Free T3 > 3.2 PG/ML Reverse T3 less than a 10:1 ratio RT3:FT3 Thyroid Peroxidase Antibodies (TPOAb) & Thyroglobulin Antibodies (TgAb)  < 4 IU/ML or negative

Here are ideal ranges for iron markers, depending on the season of life you’re in:

Serum Iron Men: 40–135 μg/dL Pre-menopausal Women: 40–135 μg/dL Post-menopausal Women: 40–135 μg/dL

Serum Ferritin Men: 30–200 ng/dL Pre-menopausal women: 30–100 ng/dL Post-menopausal Women: 30–100 ng/dL

Transferrin Saturation Men: 17–45% Pre-menopausal Women: 17–45% Post-menopausal Women: 17–45%

TIBC Men: 275–425 μg/dL Pre-menopausal Women: 275–425 μg/dL Post-menopausal Women: 275–425μg/dL

UIBC Men: 175–350 μg/dL Pre-menopausal Women: 175–350 μg/dL Post-menopausal Women: 175–350 μg/dL

Soluble Transferrin Receptor Men: 14.5–25 nmol/L Pre-menopausal Women: 13–25 nmol/L Post-menopausal Women: 14.5–25 nmol/L

Reticulocyte Hemoglobin Content (CHr) Men: 24.5–31.8 pg Pre-menopausal Women: 24.5–31.8 pg Post-menopausal Women: 24.5–31.8 pg

7. You’re Eating on the Go

Optimal digestion happens in a “parasympathetic state” (rest and digest). Eating on the go, in addition to standing up while eating, distracted eating (watching TV, checking your phone) or eating out at restaurants, (more than eating in) is stressful for the body’s digestive system.Often coupled with this is also the dilemma of not chewing your food enough. The result? Poorly digested and poorly absorbed foods…and lack of weight gain.

Weight Gain Essential : Rest & Digest

Slow down at meal times. Eat your meals seated and preferably not on the go. Cook and prepare your foods as much as possible. Chew your food (really well), and mindfully enjoy your meals (i.e. refrain from distracted eating).

8. You’re Meal Timing is Off

The human body loves balance—especially circadian rhythm balance. Every human has an internal biological clock that operates in tandem with the sun—ideally, we have more energy in the morning as the sun rises, plenty of gusto and energy during the day, then a bell curve dip in the evening, ready to “tuck in” and wind down as the sun goes down. However, if we disturb this circadian function—including our meal timing, then our body and metabolism can get off as well. While there is no perfect time to eat, there are general guidelines and hours during which your body is able to digest best. Eating at the “wrong” time windows also affects your metabolism.

In one study, aimed at determining if time of day affected weight loss in mice, researchers from  UT Southwestern Medical Center found: Mice on a reduced calorie plan that ate only during their normal feeding/active cycle were the only ones among five groups to lose weight, despite consuming the same amount as another group fed during their rest time in daylight (8).

Weight Gain Essential: Eat with Your Circadian Rhythms

Eat in tune with your circadian rhythms to maximize the fuel you eat.

Here’s a general guide:

6-8 Breakfast/First Meal

10-11 Mid-Morning Snack (if you eat a snack)

12-2 Lunch

3-5 Afternoon Snack (if you snack)

6-8 Dinner

9-10 Bedtime Snack (if you snack)

These guidelines fall in line with the way your body metabolizes food thought the day.

9. Your Body is in “Catabolic Mode”

Catabolism stands for “break down.” Anabolism is exactly the opposite: building up or weight gain. Together, catabolism and anabolism are integral and opposite parts of the metabolic cycle that require ideal balance to maintain a strong body, healthy weight, and muscle mass. If these activities are not in balance, the body can be in a catabolic state. The culprits to balance? Chronic stress, overtraining, prolonged fasting or restrictive diets, chronic infection, such as Lyme disease or H. Pylori, poor quality food intake, major surgery, burning a candle at both ends, lack of sleep, lack of water  (dehydration), and beyond.

Excessive or prolonged stress, resulting in catabolism (without adequate compensating anabolism or recovery) has negative consequences for your weight gain goals.

Muscle tissue along and essential body fat throughout the body can become depleted. Without the sufficient anabolic process, the process of growing and repairing tissue doesn’t happen, sending the body into a net negative energy state, defined by gradual weight loss, reduction of muscle mass and healthy body fat.

If not reversed early on, chronic catabolism happens—making you a “hard gainer” with your body constantly trying to catch up and locking your metabolic cycle into a deficit with low energy, failure to gain weight despite excessive caloric intake, unexplained weight loss, hypoglycemia, shortness of breath and inability to take deep respiration, and more.Translation? Adrenal fatigue or “HPA Axis Dysfunction.”

Is this you?

Weight Gain Essential: Don’t Push Your Body

When your body is in a catabolic state, typical measures for weight gain, health and nutrition are not always tolerated. Your body is highly sensitive and may not be able to accept BOTH natural or synthetic anabolic compounds or hacks that have stimulating properties. This may mean taking a step back from high calorie loads, inflammatory foods (dairy, grains, nuts), hard workout sessions and nutritional supplements—all of which can be a “good thing” but cause more stress than good in the catabolic state.

A common error of trying to use more calories or more supplements to reverse the catabolic cycle prematurely (when the body is still in catabolism and yet to stabilize), is that programs that focus primarily on aggressive tactics often fail. In catabolic mode or “adrenal fatigue,: the body is trying to slow down in order to conserve energy because it perceives danger and a threat to survival.

Forcing more food into the body requires the body to use more energy for digestion and metabolite breakdown. And even though nutritional supplements may seem harmless to” boost your adrenals” or immunity, if your body is in “break down mode,” these measures can trigger adrenal crashes. Instead of trying to push your body out of catabolism, here’s how to approach restoring your body to a place where it’s ready to be “pushed” towards health instead:

Step 1: Prevent Catabolism from Worsening

Use basic whole foods nutrition, juiced vegetables, basic movement (walking, yoga), rest and cutting out unnecessary commitments and obligations.

Step 2: Focus on Essential Nutrition

Let food be thy medicine. Before pushing forward into high caloric meal plans once you have a stable foundation, the goal of step 2 is still gradual restoration of total health and function. This is best accomplished by focusing on eating micronutrients through nutrient dense foods (fresh vegetables and fruits, organ meats, fatty fish, grass-fed and pastured proteins, essential fatty acids), and customizing the exact nutrients to your needs. A one size fits all dietary plan is not possible here because of great individual variance. Consider working with a nutritionist to build a balanced, restorative meal plan for you.

Step 3: Proper Supplementation

Once a baseline of health and function is restored and the catabolic state has slowed, supplements may gradually be integrated to boost overall function. Some helpful supports may include: adaptogenic herbs (like ashwaganda, rhodiola, cordyceps or reishi mushroom), essential fatty acids (like cod liver oil), immune-boosting supports (Vitamin C, liposomal curcumin, glutathione and resveratrol). Work with a functional medicine practitioner on this one.

10. You’re Not Recovering Properly

Perhaps you are not all the way into catabolic mode…but you’re heading that way fast if stress (and lack of recovery) are your “norms.” You can eat all the sweet potatoes and ice cream in the world, but if your body is in “stressed out mode,” then you won’t see the labors of your high calorie intake work like they should. Beyond calories, quality sleep, hydration and workout habits are essential for a balanced bod (that can readily accept weight gain). If you under sleep, don’t hydrate or overtrain, then you won’t get anywhere (fast).

Weight Gain Essential: 

Aim for 7-9 hours of sleep each night

Drink half your bodyweight in ounces of filtered water each day (bonus: add lemon)

Balance your workouts: Daily movement is not a bad thing, aim for 3-5 days of strength training, 1-2 days of power (HIIT), yoga or flexibility training, and

11. You’re Trying to Be Arnold

Your body is your body. Arnold’s body is his body. Cindy Crawford’s body is her body. Every BODY is different, and one of the biggest “get ups” in the weight gain game is keeping your eyes everywhere else, but on your own “ball.” The more we look to others’ bodies and characteristics as our own ideal (instead of determining our own), the further from our goals we will continue to be (because we will never fully get there).

Weight Gain Essential: Clearly Define Who Thriving YOU Is

Who is thriving, healthy, body confident you? What does he or she look like, act like, feel like, think like? If you could be the best version of you—not someone else, who would that be and qualities would you possess? Get a clear picture of that girl or that guy. Bullet point your top qualities of who you want to be in your healthy body and healthy mindset, then… put on the “as if” mindset in your own weight gain journey. The “as if” mindset is like putting on a superhero cape or princess dress as a kid and believing you were totally Superman or Belle from :Beauty and the Best.” So as we think therefore we become.

12. You’re on the Wrong Supplements

The supplement industry is a black hole with everything from protein powders to weight gainers, adrenal supports, multi-vitamins, probiotics and beyond. However, not all supplements are created equal, and most all supplements are unregulated—leaving those who are unfamiliar with the differences in strains, types, potencies, company reputations and overall quality of supplements in the dark about the “best” supplements for you.

Hate to break it to you, but many sups are nothing more than placebo effect, overheated during processing and manufacturing, not potent enough to make a difference and/or half-baked marketing lies.

For instance, it’s been estimated that upwards of 90% of probiotics on shelves do not contain the probiotics they claim.While supplements can be beneficial for getting in extra micronutrients you don’t get in your diet, or supporting underlying deficiencies or dysfunctions (such as poor gut health, poor thyroid or metabolic function, “adrenal fatigue,” etc.), it’s best not to go too crazy or depend on supplements too much as the “answer” for your weight gain success.

Weight Gain Essential: Invest in Quality Supps & Get a Plan for You

Less is more, and here are my top 5 weight gain supportive supplements most people can benefit from:

Soil Based Probiotic: Megaspore Biotic (use code “THRIVE” to be able to check out under the Register Tab as a patient)

Prebiotic: Sunfiber (helps digest your probiotic)

Digestive Enzymes: Transformation Enzymes Digest

Quality MultiVitamin: Metabolic Synergy by Designs for Health (use code LAURYNLAX at checkout to have access to check out)

Clean Protein Powder: Equip Foods Prime Protein  , Vital Protein CollagenConsult with your healthcare practitioner or get a custom supplement and nutrition plan for you     

13. You’re Stressing Out (About Your Weight)

Did we mention stress is the number one culprit working against your weight gain efforts? It is.

Weight Gain Essential: Enjoy the Journey

Health is about the journey—not the destination. Along your weight gain restoration, enjoy the journey of building into your healthy lifestyle, body and mindset. You will get there. Focus on one day and one positive action step at a time.

RESOURCES

https://www.niddk.nih.gov/health-information/health-statistics/overweight-obesity

https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/de06/e7525826f407cbbce56f14ba037f9b190218.pdf

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4839080/

http://ucce.ucdavis.edu/files/datastore/234-779.pdf 

https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyt.2018.00199/full

https://academic.oup.com/jcem/article/96/2/333/2709494

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3693132/

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2017/07/170718091542.htm

The post 14 Best Ways to Gain Weight (Without Harmful Effects)
 appeared first on Meet Dr. Lauryn.

Source/Repost=> https://drlauryn.com/hormones-metabolism/14-best-ways-to-gain-weight-without-harmful-effects%e2%80%a8/ ** Dr. Lauryn Lax __Nutrition. Therapy. Functional Medicine ** https://drlauryn.com/

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Star Trek: Enterprise – An Oral History of Starfleet’s First Adventure

https://ift.tt/3C98oDS

Before Discovery or Strange New Worlds, the early days of the future as postulated by Star Trek were explored in the television series Star Trek: Enterprise. Celebrating its 20th anniversary at the end of the month, it was set roughly 75 years prior to The Original Series, during the fledgling days of Starfleet, when humanity was first venturing out into the cosmos. 

Scott Bakula as Jonathan Archer captained the first starship given the name Enterprise, leading a team consisting of humans, a Vulcan, and a Denobulan. The voyage wasn’t always a smooth one, but certainly an important part of the canon. What follows, presented in oral history format, is a look back at the show’s formative days.  

BRANNON BRAGA (executive producer/co-creator): Star Trek always needs fresh blood. I left the franchise before Enterprise; I just said, “I can’t do this anymore.” I remember where I was and what I was working on and where I was standing and at what point in time when I officially burnt out on Star Trek. I decided not to do the seventh season of Voyager and then I was asked to create Enterprise. Rick Berman had a really cool idea for it and I said, “You know what? I’m going to do this one more time.” One could argue maybe I shouldn’t have. Rick was a really good overlord, but even he needed fresh writers. One could argue maybe we both should have left earlier. 

RICK BERMAN (executive producer/co-creator): As Voyager was ending, the studio came and said, “Let’s get another one up and going.” I begged them to let the franchise have a few years’ rest. In fact, they wanted it to start before Voyager ended and I managed to get them to at least wait until Voyager went off the air. The question was, what could we do that was different? I’d been working a great deal with Brannon, and so I asked him to work with me on creating a new series. Our decision, and I still think it was a good one, was to change the time period. We had done three shows that took place in the 24th century, and I thought it was time to go to another century. To go forward meant spacesuits that were a little sleeker and ships that were a little shinier, but it wasn’t that much to invent what had come before. 

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BRANNON BRAGA: Rick called me and said, “What do you think about setting it between the film First Contact and Kirk’s time?” And I said I thought that was a great idea. We started talking about it and considered what it would give us, and it evolved from there. We never considered another concept. We thought that First Contact seemed to be more of a relatable film somehow, because it had characters from the near future versus the distant future, and it allowed a more non–Star Trek audience to embrace Star Trek. You didn’t really have to know much to enjoy that movie. 

RICK BERMAN: There was no Star Trek canon to respond to how Earth got from being in this post-apocalyptic nightmare to being in the world of Kirk and Spock with Starfleet Academy. So our feeling was to pick a time somewhere within that, when the first humans are going into space on warp-capable vessels, and they’re not as sure of themselves as Kirk or Picard were. They’re taking baby steps. We knew, with Enterprise, that we wanted to turn the ship [the franchise] around. We were dealing with the time when the first warp-drive ship was being developed for a crew of humans. There were no holodecks and people didn’t beam themselves anywhere, they just beamed cargo. It just seemed to be the right idea, so it’s the one we pursued. 

BRANNON BRAGA: The biggest challenge was that the studio wanted something, but they were dubious about the prequel idea when we went in to pitch it. I don’t think they liked it very much. They thought Star Trek should be about moving forward and not moving backward. We were asking questions like, “How did we end up building the first warp ship? What was it like to meet a Klingon for the first time?” People had ball caps and walked dogs and wore tennis shoes and are more identifiable as people than, say, a Captain Picard, who is more of an idyllic man of the future that you probably wouldn’t recognize as a person that you could ever meet today. 

RICK BERMAN: From the point of view of some fans, there’s the great sense of continuity that the shows have had, and they’re very, very particular about that. A lot of them were not happy about things that they felt were outside the canon of Star Trek. A lot of them felt that Brannon and I ignored that, which we absolutely didn’t. We tried to pay great attention to it and we had people who knew Star Trek backward and forward that helped us, but obviously there were things that had to be dealt with and adjusted.

SCOTT BAKULA (actor, “Captain Jonathan Archer”): Enterprise is The Right Stuff. That kind of energy of being the first ones out there and being a little scared sometimes and being a little overwhelmed by the experience, which I think is a great emotion to have to play with. Americans have explored our planet in a variety of different ways. Some successfully, some not. We have a wide history of exploration in this country. Certainly different experiences in Vietnam and places like that where we tried to impose our ideas or philosophies on different cultures, and still are in many places around this planet. Making it more about the experience and less about planting the flag. In other words, enjoying the experience and learning from it, rather than saying, “Now we’re here and we’re going to tell you how to do it. We’ve got good ideas and can do things better than you.” So if you’re someone out there looking to do good, and looking to explore in a healthy way, there’s a great responsibility to that. As well as a great temptation to change and alter and fix. Which became this very wonderful kind of play within the show, which is, how are we all going to deal with not only being out there, but the choices we make? 

BRANNON BRAGA: Archer is something between Chuck Yeager and Kirk. He’s anything but the fully enlightened man that Picard is.

RICK BERMAN: It was very important for us to have a captain who was not necessarily that sure of himself, because we wanted him to be different from all the other captains. The other captains got on a spaceship at warp five or warp seven, they never thought twice about it. They ran into aliens every week and they never thought twice about it. We wanted a captain who was taking those first steps out into the galaxy; we wanted him to be a little green, a leader of men and at the same time, somebody who was in awe of everything he saw. With Scott, it just seemed like the perfect fit. 

JAMES L. CONWAY (director, Enterprise pilot): Scott Bakula was the only actor ever discussed for Archer. Problem was, his deal wasn’t closed until the table read of the script three days before production began. In fact, there were rumors he was going to a CBS comedy pilot and we got very worried. We had never met him, talked to him, or heard him do the material. All during the casting process the casting director was the only one to read Archer’s dialogue. So it was a relief and pleasure to hear Scott brilliantly bring Archer to life at the table read. 

SCOTT BAKULA: I responded to the idea of it and this character, and then I got the script for the pilot and everything just fell into place. I liked the character and it was really a return, in many ways, to what the original Star Trek was all about.

JAMES L. CONWAY: Scott brought a humanity to Archer that’s hard to put on the printed page. Also, as an actor and star of the show, Scott brought a top-notch work ethic and professionalism to the production. As star of the show, he set a great example for everyone. 

BRANNON BRAGA: The funny thing about Scott’s take on the character was he spoke in kind of an unusual cadence when he was Archer and I could never figure it out. Someone told me he was a huge John Wayne fan. I’ve never talked to Scott about it, but I think he may have been doing a little bit of a John Wayne thing. He was our only choice. 

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SCOTT BAKULA: We had a different dynamic on our show, and I’ve thought about it since then, because basically I was the older captain compared to the younger guys on the crew. John Billingsley’s in the middle there somewhere. That’s why I think the stuff between him and me was always special, even though he was nonhuman. There was a different kind of distance between characters created by the casting. We were building those relationships, but it was still from a different place. 

RICK BERMAN: John Billingsley is a character actor and somebody else who’s in tremendous demand. He’s just a wonderful guy. We wanted sort of a wise, quirky alien to play that role of Phlox. Somebody who would be our doctor, and he did a marvelous job. He’s another actor I would do anything to work with again. 

JAMES L. CONWAY: We were having trouble finding an actress for T’Pol. We read a lot of actresses, looked at a lot of names on a wish list, but couldn’t find anyone we liked. The role was critical, because she was a Vulcan and had to be able to “be” a Vulcan, yet still have sex appeal. Thankfully we saw a demo of Jolene’s work, loved it, and then met and read and loved her. 

JOLENE BLALOCK (actress, “T’Pol”): I grew up on Star Trek. My favorite was Spock. I would sit there with my dad and my brother just watching the show, watching the relationship between Captain Kirk, Bones, and Spock. My favorite relationship was between Bones and Spock, because it was just this animosity and this love-hate relationship. But overall there was such utter loyalty between all three of them. I love the way they worked together, just the way Bones would be, like, “You green-blooded fool.” Somewhere in The Next Generation, I got lost. 

BRANNON BRAGA: We wanted a Vulcan babe like Saavik, and wanted a Vulcan on board because the Vulcans were very antagonistic toward humans and she was essentially a chaperone, which really rankled Archer. Their relationship worked kind of nicely, and we saw T’Pol, Archer, and Trip as our triumvirate of characters. 

JOLENE BLALOCK: I personally believed that T’Pol should have more of her Vulcan culture. I didn’t believe she should be so desperate to be like everyone else, because the original Star Trek, which I grew up with, had a very simple message that I took from it, and that is that not everyone is like me, and I’m not perfect, and nobody’s perfect, and that’s okay. That really helped me.

RICK BERMAN: Connor was the only actor in four television series that I had to fight for. I just love this guy. I think he’s a remarkable actor, and I saw four pieces of tape on various things that he had done, and there was just something about him; that this character, Trip, that we had written, he was just made for. 

CONNOR TRINNEER (actor, “Charles ‘Trip’ Tucker III”): I wanted this job a lot. It was a good, time-tested franchise with a good audience. It had so many different things happening in it and it gave me the opportunity to play kind of a space cowboy—it was a dream job. Plus, you got to use your imagination as you’re meeting new species and races. Since this was our first time out, everything was new and we weren’t used to anything. You, as the actor, got to take in something as the audience did for the very first time, which was my experience as both an actor and a character. 

ANTHONY MONTGOMERY: It was incredible. There was an electricity that just ran to my core, and it was because I was sitting at the helm of a show, being a part of a franchise that I grew up with and knew about. I’m not a Trekkie by any stretch of the imagination, but I still understand enough about the franchise that it made me say, “Wow, this is real!” That was even more exciting and intense than when I got the call saying I got the part. 

RICK BERMAN: We were looking for an African American actor. We wanted someone young—we wanted this whole cast to be a lot more approachable, in a way; we wanted the audience to be able to relate to them more than they could other shows. Anthony was gorgeous, a terrific actor, and pretty much talked himself into the role the first day we saw him. We also wanted an Asian actor to play the role of communications officer and go back to a little listening device like Uhura had had in The Original Series. We also wanted her to be a translator of almost magical abilities. And Linda nailed it. We wanted somebody very vulnerable and someone who was not into flying on spaceships. In the first audition she completely got it and did very well. 

LINDA PARK (actor, “Hoshi Sato”): There’s a lot of growth that happened for me, not only as an actor in front of the camera, but as a businesswoman. Sometimes it’s easy to forget that part of being an actor is that you are your own business, especially when you become successful at any level; you see how you work as a business and you can’t say, “I’m just an artist, and I don’t need to concern myself with the practical,” because it’s just as important to keep your artistic tools as sharp as your business tool. That’s the biggest thing I learned. In the end, it is my career and my life that these decisions are being made about. 

RICK BERMAN: I had met Dominic on the first day of the last season of Voyager. He had the role of an English character. We were still a year away from going into production on the new series, but we were already starting to write it. He came in and I said to him, “We’ve got a role for you in a series that we’re creating that’s not going to be going on the air for eight or nine months, whatever it is, but I don’t want to use you up here.” This guy looked at me and said, “You’re right.” 

DOMINIC KEATING: I had a chat with Brannon and Rick where I said, “I’m quite excited, and honestly, I’ll say whatever you put in front of me, but I would like it that he isn’t just the talking head Brit on an American spaceship.” Brannon said, “You won’t be saying lines like ‘My dear old mum.’” When I read the breakdown, he’s described as “buttoned-down, by the book, wry, dry, shy around women.” I’m like, “Oh, crap, I’ve got to act this.” 

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Star Trek Doctors, Ranked By Crankiness

By Ryan Britt

JAMES L. CONWAY: The pilot of Enterprise was terrific. But then the first season was very repetitive and it felt like it was written by people who were burned out. And Brannon copped to this, saying he had made some bad choices in hiring staff and he was burned out from finishing up on Voyager. So I think that first season suffered and it took him awhile to re-steer that ship.

BRANNON BRAGA: When we were shooting the pilot and it was time for me to start writing episodes, I had a lot of things that I wanted to do. But once the ship officially set sail, I felt constrained. I felt, “Here we go again,” and I felt very challenged. Also, it was the first time I wasn’t working with people I’d worked with before. It was a large staff of ten people, and Star Trek was notoriously difficult to find writers for, because it was a hard show to write. I don’t even want to say hard; it’s unique. It just had a specific voice, and I had this writing staff that was new to the genre. Out of ten people, I think just a couple survived that first year. 

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The post Star Trek: Enterprise – An Oral History of Starfleet’s First Adventure appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/2XksXOn

[meltwonu]

| 🍒 CH-CH-CHERRY BOMB! 🍒 |     [CHAPTER 14]

pairing; dom!seungcheol x camgirl!reader

this chapter’s notes; shower sex!!!, filming sex videos, dirty talk, intoxication, thigh riding 😗🤤, this chapter is basically pwp LOOOL this ones def a shorter chapter cuz i ended up working on some other things that are comin’ up soon 😳😏!! I’ll post a notice about that tomorrow hehe~💕 Also… I think I’ve decided when and where I’m going to end Cherry Bomb😭😭 I know that comes as a bit of a shock but I’ve been drafting the future chapters in between posting the last few recent chapters and basically everything’s already set up…(more on that next week) 💕 But I wanna say thank you as always for your continued interest and support on CB!! It means so much to me🥺💕!! Anytime I see a cherry I'm just like 👀👀 I must have that!! But also, I’m excited for future series as well!! 💕✨ For now, enjoy ch 14 and have a great rest of your weekend!! 💕🍒 

chapters; 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - ? 

Seungcheol tells you he’s going to be a little late in picking you up from work,  Wednesday afternoon.

You had easily agreed and told him to take his time as you sat in a booth chatting with Jun while you waited.

“Wow, I just... I can’t believe you’re really stopping Saturday streams… I mean, kinda makes sense though, now that I think about it.”

You hum in response, pouting up at Jun who cleans up the booth in front of you. You had put up the notice on your homepage earlier in the day that you would be stopping Saturday cam shows and that instead, you would be uploading pre-recorded content on Saturdays in its place. “Yeah, I’m used to the filming schedule but Seungcheol’s right, y’know? We can’t film on the side and still keep my normal camming schedule. We’d be too tired.”

“‘We’, huh? It really switched from just you to you and Seungcheol-hyung.” Jun laughs a little as your cheeks heat up.

“Yeah… It’s not… bad, is it?”

Jun pauses, almost dropping the plate he was holding when he turns to face you properly. “Nah… well… I don’t think so? I don’t really mind and your channel seems to have only grown since so it doesn’t seem like a bad thing. If anything you’ve gained a bigger following since. I don’t doubt that hyung’s brought in some viewers on his own too.”

You nod quietly, simmering in your own thoughts. 

At first, you thought Seungcheol would only show up in your cam shows every now and then, aside from filming the pre-recorded videos. But he’d easily become part of every single one since the two of you had met, even with his hesitation at first. Living together had only made it easier and even Seungcheol found himself looking forward to filming with you and trying new things.

“Hey, your phone is ringing. Aren’t you gonna pick up?”

You check the caller ID to see that it’s Seungcheol, quickly picking up the call.

“Hello?”

“I’m outside, baby, let’s go~!”

He’s giddy once you get inside his car and he’s still giddy when you get home; confusion on your features when he starts grabbing the grocery bags from the trunk of the car.

“You ran the groceries? You should’ve told me, I would’ve gone with you!” You grab a few of the bags yourself, helping Seungcheol as he fiddles with the car keys to lock it.

“It’s okay, I just grabbed some wine for us and some things I forgot we needed. But I thought we should celebrate a little!”

“Celebrate? For what, ‘Cheollie?”

He grins, keeping silent until the two of you reach the door to the apartment. “‘Cheol~ C’mon tell me!” Unlocking the apartment door, he lets you in first before he closes the door behind himself.

“I just thought we could relax n’ drink a ‘lil, y’know? You started working yesterday and your channel has been doing so well so I thought we should celebrate! I know it’s been a wild couple of weeks so I think you deserve it!”

You smile back at him, laughing under your breath as you start to help him put the groceries away.

“You’re so silly, but, okay!”  

One glass of wine quickly turns into two and then into three as you and Seungcheol down more than half the bottle of expensive wine he’d picked up from the store.

“Oh my god, Seungcheol, stoooop. I’m ticklish!” You giggle drunkenly, leaning into Seungcheol’s side as his free hand slides underneath your shirt to tease your skin. He keeps his other hand wrapped tight around a glass of wine, careful to not spill it on the sofa as you squirm next to him.

“Exactly the point, baby.” He mutters against your hair, equally as drunk as you. The alcohol was already making him feel hot and somewhat sensitive to your small breathy noises. “Hey, I wanna try somethin’ if you’re up for it.” You pull away from him slightly, tilting your head up to meet his hazy eyes.

“Okay, whaddya wanna try?”

Seungcheol smirks as he pats his lap and you quickly catch onto what he wants. You ease off the sofa from his side and onto his lap before his hand is on your waist and guiding you until you’re situated on his thigh instead.

“Think you can cum just using my thigh?” He slurs out; drunken eyes blinking hard to focus on you.

“Think? I know I can~ I’ve had to get off with less so this’ll be a piece of cake!”

You get yourself a little more comfortable on his thigh, mentally patting yourself on the shoulder for deciding to change into one of Seungcheol’s shirts and a pair of panties before the two of you had eased onto the sofa with the wine.

Seungcheol rests against the cushions as he watches you, simultaneously bringing the glass of wine to his mouth as he takes a generous sip. “Lemme see you, baby. Make yourself cum on my thigh.”

Nodding, you lick your parched lips as your eyes flutter shut. You focus on the feeling of his denim clad thigh underneath you; grinding against him and moaning as the rough fabric only adds to the pleasure that quickly starts to build. “Oh, S-Seungcheol…”

“That’s right, baby. Make yourself feel good for me.”

It doesn’t take very long before your panties are soaking and the addition of the alcohol coursing through your body only makes you feel infinitely warmer and much more sensitive.

“You’re already soaking through my jeans, baby. Does it feel that good?” Smirking, Seungcheol tenses up his thigh just as you throw your head back; too lost in your own pleasure to properly hear him. He bounces his leg once in an attempt to get your attention, but he finds it futile as you only grind against him harder.

“Fuck, Seu--Seungcheol!” You whine, still only focused on yourself and your pleasure as he laughs; still sounding distant to your ears.

“You really are gonna cum, huh? I mean, you’re already soaking through your  panties like it’s nothing. Shit, you’d look so pretty just grinding against a fuckin’ pillow right now, begging me to let you cum while I just watched you...”

Seungcheol licks his lips, foggy eyes trained on the wet patch of fabric on his jeans as you start to grind against him quicker. He brings the glass of wine to his lips, finishing off the rest of it before precariously setting the glass down a little further away from the two of you on the sofa.

His hands grip your waist, slowing you down only slightly as he tenses the muscles in his thigh again.

“Please, please, please…” Mumbling, your head rolls forward and your foggy eyes blink open to meet Seungcheol’s equally intoxicated stare.

“Cum. Get my thigh fuckin’ soaked and then I’ll fuck your cute ‘lil pussy just how you want.”

Your panties stick to you like a second skin and only add on to the friction that has you quicking tumbling over the edge of an orgasm. You let out a shaky breath, thighs clamped tight around Seungcheol’s own as your body slumps forward into his warm chest; pleasure washing over you in an instant as you cum.

“Don’t get tired on me now, baby.” Whispering against your hair, he smiles watching your thighs tremble and he eats up the way you whine and whimper against his chest as the waves of your orgasm continue to wash over your body.

“Can you still stand?”

You drunkenly stare at yourself in the bathroom mirror; admiring the post orgasmic bliss that’s apparent all over your features as you stand in front of it completely naked.

“Come over here, baby.” Seungcheol coos, already just as naked as you are as he waits in front of the shower door. “The camera’s already recording and the water is hot.”

“Okay~”

You walk over to him; inner thighs still coated in your wetness as you lick your lips. It was Seungcheol’s idea to film in the shower, saying that the steam from the hot water would keep him from being seen completely as long as he fucked you from behind with your frontside pressed against the glass.

He lets you step in first before he follows suit, shutting the door behind himself. “We’ll let the shower steam up a ‘lil more, huh?” He smiles, leaning in to kiss you on the lips.

Seungcheol tastes just like the wine from earlier as you melt underneath his touch and his hands thread through your hair, kissing you and walking you backwards until your back meets the wet glass.

“Fuck, baby, I should’ve eaten you out earlier. I wanna fuckin’ taste how sweet you are on my tongue.” His words are muffled against your own lips as you mewl in return before teasingly biting his bottom lip.

“You can eat me out for breakfast~” You entice, voice still slightly slurred from the alcohol as Seungcheol pulls away.

“Don’t tempt me ‘cause you know I will.”

He spins you around; letting you press your palms against the fogged up glass as you jut your ass out towards him. Through the foggy glass, only your frontside can be seen by the camera that Seungcheol had haphazardly set onto the opposite counter.

“Still so fuckin’ wet too. You were so pretty cumming on my thigh earlier, baby.” He reaches a hand between your legs, fingertips ghosting through your wet folds as you groan.

“P-please just fuck me! I--I already came o-once and my p-pussy felt so, ah, empty without y-your cock…”

Laughing under his breath, Seungcheol makes sure to not lean forward too much as he places his hands firmly on your waist to readjust your body before wrapping a hand around his cock. “Shit you’re so cute when you beg.”

You wiggle your hips at him; hazy eyes focused on water droplets on the glass. “Please, I, mmh, need y-you...”

Seungcheol positions the head of his cock at your entrance, teasing you by only sliding the head in as you whine. “Nooo, I n-need more than t-that…” 

He smirks at your backside, taking pity on you as he slowly starts to sink his cock into your pussy. 

“Fuck, you’re so wet, baby...” His brows furrow in concentration just as the grip on your waist tightens and Seungcheol finds himself already starting a quicker pace the second he bottoms out. 

“Oh, g-god, yes! Fuck, you feel s-so good!” Whining, you work your hips back as you meet Seungcheol's thrusts; walls already clamping down hard onto him. “Your c-cock is so, ah, b-big and fuckin’ fills m-my pussy so, ngh, good!” 

You rest the side of your head and your chest against the cool glass as Seungcheol’s thrusts keep you pressed firm against it. “That's right, baby. Only my cock fills you up this perfectly, huh?” He smirks, angling his thrusts to tap your g-spot as you moan loudly. 

“Yes, fuh--fuck, only your cock gets, ngh, me t-this wet!” 

Choked sobs leave your lips as Seungcheol focuses on his and your pleasure and he can already feel his cock throbbing, his own body just as sensitive as yours from all the alcohol the two of you had earlier. 

“I’m gonna cum in your pretty ‘lil cunt and then once we get cleaned up, I’ll fuck you in our bed too. Make you sleep with my cum inside your pretty body and then eat you out in the morning until you’re cumming on my tongue.” 

You clench around Seungcheol’s cock at his words, nodding gently as you let out a soft cry. “P-please, I want it...” 

The two of you fall into a comfortable silence as he doubles his pace and slowly sneaks a hand around until his fingertips are on your clit. He starts pinching and rubbing circles on the swollen nub as your eyes roll to the back of your head.

“You wanna cum, don’t you? Your pussy is fuckin’ sucking me in deeper, I can barely move, baby~” 

“A-ah, yes, please, pl--please cum with me... I wanna feel, mmh, you c-cumming inside me when I cum t-too...” You voice is soft and breathy; head feeling muddled as the pleasure almost becomes too much for your sensitive body. 

Seungcheol finds himself quickly losing his rhythm as well, groans spilling from his lips. “Cum with me, baby. I want you to feel, ngh, good with m-me.” 

His fingertips on your clit press down harder, hoping to throw you over the edge of another orgasm just as Seungcheol feels himself about to cum too. 

“Fuck!” 

There’s a growl on Seungcheol’s lips as his orgasm begins to crest and in the midst of his high, he can feel the way your walls flutter around his cock as you cum with him. Your small whimpers and cries bounce off the glass and you can feel your legs shaking as Seungcheol works you both through your orgasm.

“Ngh, I can f-feel how m-much you came inside of m-me...” 

Seungcheol gives it a second as the two of you catch your breath; his hands massaging your skin as your body threatens to give way. He slides his cock from inside of you as you moan at the emptiness and Seungcheol is quick to wrap an arm around you waist before you collapse onto the shower floor. 

“Tired?” You can only nod gently as you rest against Seungcheol’s shoulder.  “Guess no round two in bed, huh? I can feel you shaking against me, baby.” 

The two of you share a tired laugh before Seungcheol pulls you under the hot stream of water; fully ready to get you cleaned up and tucked under the sheets as quickly as he can.

“No, but--but I still fully expect to be eaten out for breakfast.”

“Deal.”

[finalmediaproject]

Racism in Reality TV

The social issue that I will be discussing throughout this post is the representation of race in reality TV Shows. TV shows have been falsely representing race and airing contestants making racial slurs on television. This has been an issue for years and still happens to this day. Reality TV is defined as “Smith and Wood (2003) contend that “as a genre, reality television involves placing “ordinary” people before the camera and deriving some entertainment value from the perception of their activities being unscripted.” (Orbe) Some well-known reality TV shows have had multiple allegations made against them are, Big Brother, The Bachelor, Vanderpump Rules, and the Real Housewives. Centering reality TV around whiteness has been happening for too long and producers do not even realize they do this, they cast people that they think have the “ideal look” that the audience will appeal to.  

For years, The Bachelor would predominately cast all white members only and had the first bachelor of color this past season. Big Brother has aired multiple racial slurs made by cast members and has repeatedly been having to come out with apologies season after season. When is this pattern going to change? The host himself of the bachelor even tried to dismiss an allegation made against the winner of this season in an interview. When individuals use racially charge slurs on televisions, viewers then will feel as if they can mirror these actions and they will be justified because they see others using the same language. “Reality TV has pretended to reflect reality in America, but it has been feeding us toxic ideas about race and gender since 2000,” Pozner said. “You can’t trust a chef that has poisoned a restaurant to serve a delicious dinner that’s completely healthy when that chef still has access to all the poison in the kitchen.” (Braxton) This is where reality TV needs to be more careful with what they put on air because of the number of viewers they draw in are all different ages and believe everything they see on TV is true.

The Bachelor and Big Brother have been a reality TV show that has been around since the early 2000s. Each season they cast new members and they have been predominantly white over the years. “At first glance, ABC’s “The Bachelor” and CBS' “Big Brother” are completely different. One is a fairy tale-flavored franchise where participants seek true love and happily-ever-afters. The other pits strangers cut off from the outside world against one another in a battle for a $500,000 grand prize.” (Braxton) These are completely different shows but the one thing they have in common is they have had multiple charges for racism for the past decade. Big Brother has aired multiple scenes that have had racial remarks said to castmates or said behind closed doors. The bachelor has been casting predominately white cast members for years because they believe that that is the ideal characters that people want to see on television, since the bachelor is a show that revolves around a love fairy tale. The past season of the bachelorette “introduced close to a dozen suitors who were Black or nonwhite — the largest pool of people of color in the franchise’s history.” (Braxton) Just because they have increased representation of people of color doesn’t mean they are solving any issues that have been taking place throughout the episodes. The biggest racial charged scandal that has happened in bachelor history took place this past season. Matt James was the first ever black bachelor and chose Rachel Kirkconnell’s. After she was chosen, racial allegations came out about her that she was seen in pictures at an Antebellum plantation themed fraternity party in 2018. Chris Harrison tried to make her actions ok in an interview with a former bachelorette and said, “Is it a good look in 2018, or is it not a good look in 2021?” The bachelor nation was shocked with Chris’s comment since he is the literal face of the bachelor franchise. ABC made the executive decision to cut him from being the host after 19 seasons. They had to make this decision because they did not want to show that they stood for any of these racial remarks, especially from the face of the show. The next show I will be discussing is Big Brother.  

Big Brother first aired in the early 2000s and is a well-known reality show. It has a different cast each season and the winner wins $500,000. A group of adults live in a house for a few months together with no connection to the outside world. They must figure out which houseguest to eliminate each week. “Big Brother’s” race problem is not new. The series — unlike a number of its reality-TV competitors — has consistently had a predominantly white cast since its first season in 2000, and racial tensions have previously cast a shadow over the high jinks and hookups inside the house.” (Braxton) There have been many racial slurs and discrimination that has taken place throughout the show. House guests have favored white people over black in the house and made remarks on national television that no one should ever say. “Earlier this season, marketing strategist Kemi Fakunle, the only female African American houseguest, said in interviews that she felt she was a target because of her race. One houseguest, Jack Matthews, said that he would “like to stomp a mudhole through her chest.” He also used “rice pudding” when referring to an Asian American contestant.” (Braxton) The producers warned Jack of these comments and then decided to officially evict him from the show because of the backlash from the fans. This shows how the viewers realized how wrong these racial remarks were and they did not stand for these comments to be made. This shows we are moving forward with a change in reality TV, but still a long way to go.  

In a journal article I found titled, Performing Race in Flavor of Love and The Bachelor discusses how different these reality TV shows, but also how similar they are. “While both shows feature multiracial casts, The Bachelor centers Whiteness, and Flavor of Love Blackness.” (Dubrofsky) Viewers refer to Flavor of Love as “the ghetto bachelor. “Ghetto” can be deployed as a label for allegedly dysfunctional behavior (hypersexual, uncouth, criminal, violent, loud) and values (nontraditional family values, materialism) of Black people from urban neighborhoods.” (Dubrofsky) This word is used too much with a false sense of meaning of the word and is very offensive to people of color. This article also discusses the use of surveillance and authenticity in reality TV. “Much RTV scholarship argues surveillance is presented as a means of verifying the authenticity (realness) of participants (Andrejevic, 2004; Couldry, 2002): authenticity is verified when participants appear to be themselves despite the highly contrived panoptic nature of the settings in which the action unfolds (Andrejevic, 2004; Couldry, 2002; Gillespie, 2000; Tincknell & Raghuram, 2002).” (Dubrofsky) Having 24-hour surveillance of the cast members helps to make these reality TV shows authentic and real because of all the raw dialogue they film. This is what makes reality TV so authentic. “The ways that participants authenticate themselves under surveillance and become viable participants on The Bachelor privileges a White subject whose race is unseen, unmarked, whereas Flavor of Love privileges a range of Black subjects who can claim a multiplicity of identities—although certain identities are privileged.” (Dubrofsky) People do not always act the same when they are being filmed and this is when viewers can see right through some characters in reality. Some will try to fight with other housemates to try to become “the star” of the show, but that is not what reality TV is. Viewers to watch want authentic characters that are true to themselves.  

Another racial scandal that has happened in reality TV was on Vanderpump Rules that airs on Bravo, the same channel that airs all The Real Housewives. Vanderpump Rules is a reality show that revolves around a cast of people in their 20s that work at a restaurant called SUR that is owned by the former Beverly Hills housewife, Lisa Vanderpump. Two of the most well-known characters Stassi Schroeder and Kristen Doute falsely accused a black cast member, Faith Stowers of a crime that she didn’t commit. “In Ms. Stowers’s view, her casting was less about diversifying the show and more about Ms. Vanderpump’s public image as an equal opportunity employer. “I kind of knew going into it that I would be filling in for the spot of, like, showing that she hired people of color.”” (Morrissey) Bravo made the executive decision that they do not stand for any racism is on theirs shows and decided to fire both Stassi and Kristen. “Additionally, new cast members Max Boyens and Brett Caprioni, whose past racist tweets were uncovered after the most recent season premiered in January, also will not return.” (Aurthur & Wagmeister) This is another example how serious cancel culture is and how everyone needs to be aware of what they are saying because you will always be accountable for it. People need to learn from their mistakes, and they can put out apologies in the media but it’s the actions after the mistakes and how you grow from these actions that people are learning these days.  

The Real Housewives have been around for years now and there has been many controversies surrounding them. “Many of the “Real Housewives” iterations have remained segregated. On “Atlanta” and “Potomac,” you’ll primarily see black women, but women of color have largely been absent from “Orange County,” “New Jersey,” “New York City” and, until recently, “Beverly Hills,” and “Dallas.” (Morrissey) This past year we have seen the first black cast member on both Real housewives of New York City and Beverly Hills. “As the first African-American Housewife in the Beverly Hills franchise, I am honored and humbled by this awesome opportunity to exemplify the fact that Black Girl Magic lives and thrives in every ZIP code,” Ms. Beauvais said in a statement on Bravo’s website.” (Morrissey) This shows how reality TV is taking a turn and is representing race in a positive way that they should’ve been doing for years and its sad it has taken them all these years to start casting women of color.  

The Real Housewives of Atlanta centers around blackness. In the book Real Sister, there is a chapter called “The Semiotics of Fashion and Urban Success in The Real Housewives of Atlanta” this chapter discusses if black woman in reality TV are being properly represented. “Reality TV is turning countless Black women with a flair for high drama into instant stars with their own spin-offs, cosmetic lines, book deals, and millions of loyal fans.” (Davis, 68) The group of colored women on Atlanta housewives are all very well off. They group of ladies took a trip to South Africa, where they visited an orphanage while wearing designer clothes and shoes and wearing a full face of makeup. They argued the whole trip and millions of people watched this episode. (Davis, 72) They were falsely representing black women that have been trying to gain respect all their lives and then these women on Atlanta are arguing and fighting constantly. This is an example of how a show can center around blackness but not represent in a positive way still, just like the show Flavor of Love.  

Reality TV has been around for years, and I do no not think it will ever go away. Audiences love to connect with people on TV shows and knowing that reality TV isn’t scripted makes it even more interesting to watch. The representation of race in reality TV shows have falsely been representing race, airing racial slurs and having predominantly white casts show in The Bachelor, Big Brother, and The Real Housewives. Revolving shows around whiteness have been happening since the beginning of television and reality TV isn’t the only ones guilty for this, but also regular scripted TV shows and movies. Shows and movies have been getting better over the years in making their casts more diverse, but we still have a long way to go in learning how to positively represent race through the media.  

[dipulb3]

With baseball season starting, AT&T TV is the only streaming choice for many fans.

New Post has been published on https://appradab.com/with-baseball-season-starting-att-tv-is-the-only-streaming-choice-for-many-fans-3/

With baseball season starting, AT&T TV is the only streaming choice for many fans.

Sarah Tew/CNET

Change is the norm when it comes to live TV streaming services, but AT&T TV has had a particularly tumultuous history. It started life as DirecTV Now in 2016, and in the time since it has added and dropped channels, changed its name twice and hiked prices numerous times. The latest iteration no longer requires a contract or a set-top box — yay! — making it similar at first blush to competitors like YouTube TV and Hulu Plus Live TV. The downside is the high price: A monthly subscription starts at $70 and to get access to your local regional sports networks (RSNs) you’ll need to pay for the $85 package.

Like

$85 plan has robust regional sports channels for NBA and MLB games.

Fun channel-surfing capabilities.

Don’t Like

Expensive, especially with sports and DVR add-ons.

$70 plan has fewer channels for more money than YouTube TV.

Roku app doesn’t work as well as Apple TV’s or web.

Now playing: Watch this: Live TV streaming services for cord cutters: How to choose…

2:44

Those local channels, which carry the regular season games of NBA basketball and MLB baseball teams, are the best reason to subscribe to AT&T TV. No competitor has nearly as many RSNs, so for fans who want to catch all the action of their team live, paying $85 per month to AT&T TV is often the only streaming option. (As a bonus, that price also includes a year of HBO Max and NBA League Pass Premium.) A cable TV subscription, which typically also offers RSNs, is likely cheaper, however.

Read more: MLB 2021 streaming: How to watch the Dodgers, Mets, Yankees and more baseball without cable

Using the AT&T app feels more cablelike than any of its competitors, with a unique swiping channel-change mechanic. The service is best appreciated on an Apple TV because even though Roku is our favorite streaming device, its app lacks the ability to pause live TV. If you crave a familiar interface and want access to its extensive sports coverage AT&T TV is worth a look, but if you don’t need those RSNs, then YouTube TV, which costs less and has more non-sports channels, is a better choice.

Optional contract, multiple channel packages

One of the benefits of choosing a live TV streaming service over cable is that you’re not tied to a contract. AT&T TV does offer an optional two-year contract, but it’s not a very good deal.

Off-contract, the basic package starts at $70 a month with 65-plus channels and a 20-hour DVR but it does miss channels such as MLB Network, NFL Network and Travel Channel. For cord-cutters who want to follow their local NBA or MLB team, AT&T TV’s $85 Choice package is a better option, with access to those regional sports networks. The Ultimate tier costs $95 with more channels including Starz and Encore, while the “whole enchilada” $140 Premier level adds even more channels with HBO (and HBO Max), Starz, Showtime and Cinemax.

The AT&T TV Stream set-top box is free if you get a contract, but you can also use devices like Roku, Apple TV and Amazon Fire TV.

Sarah Tew/CNET

Opting for the contract gives you an AT&T TV Stream set-top box, an unlimited cloud DVR (normally $10 per month extra) and a discount on the first year — with a steep price increase in year 2.

With a contract, the basic Entertainment package’s first-year price is $60 per month, which then jumps to $93 per month in the second. The Choice package drops from $85 per month to $65 per month for the first year of the two-year contract, but the second year would jack the price back up to $110 per month. Those with Choice on a two-year contract would also be on the hook for paying an additional $8.49 per month as a “regional sports fee” for two years. Month-to-month Choice subscribers don’t have to pay the regional sports fee.

Those second-year price hikes make the overall cost of both packages higher than simply going month-to-month for two years, so we don’t recommend getting a contract. 

Premium live TV streaming services compared

Premium services YouTube TV AT&T TV Hulu Plus Live TV FuboTV Base price $65/month $70/month $65/month $65/month Total number of top 100 channels 75 61 62 65 ABC, CBS, Fox and NBC channels Yes Yes Yes Yes Record shows for later (cloud DVR) Yes (keep for 9 months) Yes (20 hours, unlimited hours for $10/mo.) Yes (50 hours, 200 hours plus commercial skip for $10/mo.) Yes (30GB, 500GB for $10/mo.) Step-up packages with more channels No Yes Yes Yes Simultaneous streams per account 3 20  2 ($10 option for unlimited) 2 ($6 option for 3)

AT&T recently upped the number of concurrent in-home streams to 20, which is good news to households with lots of people who want to watch at once. The out-of-home concurrent streaming limit is three, which should still be plenty.

What’s it like to use?

AT&T bought DirecTV in 2015, and that service’s history still informs the functionality of AT&T TV. Our favorite cablelike feature is the ability to swipe left or right to change channels, even if it’s not quite instantaneous. There’s about three to five seconds of loading time when changing channels.

AT&T TV comes with a program guide

Sarah Tew/CNET

When using AT&T TV with a remote, the controls center around the direction buttons and Enter/OK. This makes it relatively quick to pick up and use, and also means you don’t need a complicated remote control to make it work, making the minimalist Apple TV clicker a great companion. If you want the full “surfing” experience on a universal remote, you could even program left and right arrows into your Channel up/down buttons.

The service loads straight into the last channel watched — further enhancing its cable credentials — and pressing down brings up the interface with a choice of the 14-day guide, Watch Now, My Library recordings and a Discover option. Navigation is intuitive and quick, something that the painfully slow YouTube TV is not.

While Roku is very similar to Apple TV, there is one major difference: There’s still no live TV pause on Roku. This is also potentially frustrating to sports fans who need to pause the action momentarily. Instead, pressing pause freezes the screen while the program keeps playing in the background. Meanwhile Apple TV will allow two minutes until it cuts to the live feed and pauses again, and will keep skipping forward and pausing each minute or two until you press Play. In comparison, YouTube TV lets you pause indefinitely, just like a normal DVR. 

Sarah Tew/CNET

Depending on the tier you choose, AT&T TV’s DVR offers between 20 and an unlimited number of hours, while YouTube TV offers unlimited storage by default. YouTube TV lets you keep recordings for up to 9 months, while you are limited to 30 days on AT&T TV. If you live in a small to medium-size household, the service offers three simultaneous streams without the need to pay extra.

Some programs do give you the option to restart, and pressing down on the Apple TV remote will bring up show info, a recording option and Restart (if available). Pressing the Select button will pause the program. In contrast, pressing the middle button on Roku brings up a different menu with similar functionality but no pause, but there is the ability to restart. 

I briefly used a Fire TV and found the experience closer to Apple TV than Roku. If you don’t have an Apple TV, the Fire TV is my next choice for using the service. Using an iPhone (an iPhone 6 Plus on AT&T, to be specific) also offered a smooth experience with quick channel changes.

Is it worth your $70 (or $85) a month?

The cable experience is what AT&T TV is all about — the swipe left and right functionality is quite inspired. While the company has really bulked up on its content since we last looked in 2019 — when it had fewer than 50 of the most popular channels — the service still lags behind every other rival in terms of breadth. The real reason to get it is if you’re an avid sports fan — the $85 Choice package with its twin draws of HBO and RSNs is unmatched by the competition.

If you want to save money though? Stay clear — almost any other service offers a better value than this, and many cable packages are comparable. Even if you’re an Apple user, other services such as YouTube TV and Hulu Plus Live TV offer a superior and cheaper experience. 

Channel comparison

Below you’ll find a chart that’s a smaller version of this massive channel comparison. It contains the top 100 channels from each service. Some notes:

Yes = The channel is available on the cheapest pricing tier.

No = The channel isn’t available at all on that service. 

$ = The channel is available for an extra fee, either a la carte or as part of a more expensive package or add-on. 

Not every channel a service carries is listed, just the “top 100” as determined by CNET’s editors. Minor channels such as AXS TV, CNBC World, Discovery Life, GSN, POP and Universal Kids didn’t make the cut.

Regional sports networks — channels devoted to showing regular-season games of particular pro baseball, basketball and hockey teams — are not listed. 

Top 100 channels compared

Channel Sling Blue ($35) Fubo TV ($60) YouTube TV ($65) Hulu with Live TV ($65) AT&T TV ($70) Total channels: 38 65 75 62 61 ABC No Yes Yes Yes Yes CBS No Yes Yes Yes Yes Fox Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes NBC Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes PBS No No Yes No No CW No Yes Yes Yes Yes MyNetworkTV No No Yes Yes Yes

Channel Sling Blue ($35) Fubo TV ($60) YouTube TV ($65) Hulu with Live TV ($65) AT&T TV ($70) A&E Yes Yes No Yes Yes ACC Network No $ Yes Yes $ AMC Yes Yes Yes No Yes Animal Planet No Yes Yes Yes Yes BBC America Yes Yes Yes No Yes BBC World News $ $ Yes No $ BET Yes Yes Yes No Yes Big Ten Network $ Yes Yes Yes $ Bloomberg TV Yes No No Yes Yes Boomerang $ No No Yes Yes Bravo Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Channel Sling Blue ($35) Fubo TV ($60) YouTube TV ($65) Hulu with Live TV ($65) AT&T TV ($70) Cartoon Network Yes No Yes Yes Yes CBS Sports Network No Yes Yes Yes $ Cheddar Yes Yes Yes Yes $ Cinemax No No $ $ $ CMT $ Yes Yes No Yes CNBC $ Yes Yes Yes Yes Appradab Yes No Yes Yes Yes Comedy Central Yes Yes Yes No Yes Cooking Channel $ $ No $ $ Destination America $ $ No $ $ Discovery Channel Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Disney Channel No Yes Yes Yes Yes Disney Junior No Yes Yes Yes Yes Disney XD No Yes Yes Yes Yes DIY $ $ No $ $ E! Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes EPIX $ No $ No $ ESPN No Yes Yes Yes Yes ESPN 2 No Yes Yes Yes Yes ESPNEWS No $ Yes Yes $ ESPNU No $ Yes Yes $ Channel Sling Blue ($35) Fubo TV ($60) YouTube TV ($65) Hulu with Live TV ($65) AT&T TV ($70) Food Network Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Fox Business $ Yes Yes Yes Yes Fox News Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Fox Sports 1 Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Fox Sports 2 $ Yes Yes Yes $ Freeform No Yes Yes Yes Yes FX Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes FX Movies $ $ Yes Yes $ FXX $ Yes Yes Yes Yes FYI $ Yes No Yes $ Golf Channel $ Yes Yes Yes $ Hallmark $ Yes No No Yes HBO/HBO Max No No $ $ $ HGTV Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes History Yes Yes No Yes Yes HLN Yes No Yes Yes Yes IFC Yes Yes Yes No Yes Investigation Discovery Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Lifetime Yes Yes No Yes Yes Lifetime Movie Network $ Yes No Yes $ Channel Sling Blue ($35) Fubo TV ($60) YouTube TV ($65) Hulu with Live TV ($65) AT&T TV ($70) MLB Network $ $ Yes No $ Motor Trend No Yes Yes Yes Yes MSNBC Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes MTV $ Yes Yes No Yes MTV2 $ $ No No Yes National Geographic Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Nat Geo Wild $ $ Yes Yes $ NBA TV $ $ Yes No $ NBC Sports Network Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Newsy Yes $ Yes No No NFL Network Yes Yes Yes No No NFL Red Zone $ $ $ No No NHL Network $ $ No No $ Nickelodeon No Yes Yes No Yes Nick Jr. Yes Yes No No $ Nicktoons $ $ No No $ OWN No Yes Yes No $ Oxygen $ Yes Yes Yes $ Paramount Network $ Yes Yes No Yes Channel Sling Blue ($35) Fubo TV ($60) YouTube TV ($65) Hulu with Live TV ($65) AT&T TV ($70) Science $ $ No $ $ SEC Network No $ Yes Yes $ Showtime $ $ $ $ $ Smithsonian No Yes Yes Yes $ Starz $ No $ $ $ Sundance TV $ Yes Yes No Yes Syfy Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Tastemade $ Yes Yes No $ TBS Yes No Yes Yes Yes TCM $ No Yes Yes Yes Telemundo No Yes Yes Yes Yes Tennis Channel $ $ No No $ TLC Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes TNT Yes No Yes Yes Yes Travel Channel Yes Yes Yes Yes $ TruTV Yes No Yes Yes Yes TV Land $ Yes Yes No Yes USA Network Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes VH1 $ Yes Yes No Yes Vice Yes Yes No Yes Yes Weather Channel No Yes No No $ WE tv $ Yes Yes No Yes

[dailycandicekpatton]

On the Coastal Tip of Jamaica, actress Candice Patton stands barefoot in a sheer yellow dress before settling turquoise waters. Her arms sway back and forth as the Caribbean air billows through the thigh-high slit. She gives the camera a small smile as the sun radiates off her skin and the tide tiptoes towards the shore. The Instagram boomerang I’m glancing at has now been viewed over 200,000 times by her 1.2 million-user following.

It’s mid-June; a median between two milestones in Candice’s life - two weeks before her 29th birthday, and two weeks after the Season 3 finale of The Flash aired in homes nationwide. The superhero fiction show, based on the DC Comics character of the same name, stars Candice as Iris West, opposite Grant Gustin as the titular hero, Barry Allen. In the last three years, The Flash has garnered over 15 awards, with Candice herself most recently winning a Saturn Award for “Best Supporting Actress on Television”. It makes sense that CBS Watch! Magazine would send her over to the Caribbean for a photoshoot. 

The CW star calls me from her residence in Los Angeles on a Friday afternoon, after her trip in Jamaica. I expect her to sound exhausted from her jet setting, but she’s not. To my astoundment, there’s a lot on her mind. I come to realize that, unlike Iris West, Candice Patton is equipped with a power of her own.

The Mississippi-born and Texas-bred thespian participated in school productions and out of school drama programs throughout her entire life. In high school, Candice was a cheerleader until she tore her anterior cruciate ligament during her senior year. The injury kept her benched for the remainder of the season, but allowed her to focus on acting. She ended up pursuing theatre at Southern Methodist University in Dallas the following year.

“Acting was always something that empowered me and gave me joy,” she says. When I was younger, I never really thought about acting professionally, but it gave me a huge outlet for my own personal struggles.” After graduating with a BFA in Theatre from SMU in 2007, Candice moved to Los Angeles, where she has lived ever since. “There’s something about being young enough and innocent enough to think that anything is possible,” she says. “I don’t think I would have made the move if I was older.” As it turns out, making that move would be the first step in her journey towards her television debut.

In Los Angeles, Candice felt she was sucked into an atmosphere bathed in superficiality. To her, home was only a four-hour flight away, but felt much, much further. Immersed in a culture she had never experienced before, she didn’t feel like a perfect fit. “You’re eating new foods and everything’s so healthy and people are obsessed with the way they look,” Candice says. “It was hard for me to feel like I had a place in L.A. or that I was cool enough to think I could even be an actress and contend with all these other people.” In the midst of the culture shock and the absence of southern hospitality, Candice motivated herself to audition for anything and everything. And in doing so, she understood just how unsympathetic the entertainment industry was. “I was getting rejected day in and day out,” she continues. She pauses briefly then says, “I really don’t know how I survived.”

Between her adjusting lifestyle, ongoing rejection, and daunting insecurities, the pressure to cultivate her own niche began to rise. Candice was in the right rooms with the wrong people - managers, friends, and industry outsiders who all had hot takes on how success was achieved in that city. “I was told I had to be a certain weight, or to look more like some other girl,” she recalls. “I felt the pressure of that then and I still feel the pressure of that now.” Despite the unsolicited advice from her peers, Candice continued to do what she knew best - working hard, working well, and committing to her craft. “I had to keep putting one foot in front of the other until something turned around,” she says. “I’m glad I stuck with it as long as I did.” By 2012, Candice’s acting repertoire included appearances on Entourage, Heroes, CSI: Miami, Grey’s Anatomy, Rizzoli & Isles, and The Game. And then came 2013.

In the weeks before pilot season that year, Candice received an email from her manager. Arrow co-creators Greg Berlanti and Andrew Kreisberg were casting for their newest DC Comics series, The Flash. Grant Gustin, who appeared twice on the hooded-vigilante series as Barry Allen, reprised his lead role. The planned backdoor pilot was cancelled in favor of a traditional higher-budgeted pilot by networks executives who were impressed by early screenings of Grant’s appearances on Arrow. The e-mail from her manager read, ‘This is your role. It’s perfect for you.’

The Flash follows the chronicles of socially awkward CSI Barry Allen and the aftermath of his mother’s supernatural murder. Candice auditioned for the role of journalist Iris West, the daughter of Detective Joe West, and Barry’s childhood best friend. “I was thrilled to be going in for a lead female role that isn’t traditionally played by an African-American,” Candice says. “And deep down, I always wanted to be part of some superhero show or film.”

In Season 3 of The Flash, Barry runs back to his childhood home to prevent his mother’s murder. After saving Nora Allen from the Reverse Flash, he creates an alternate reality called Flashpoint. The famous comic crossover story arc details an altered universe in which Barry Allen is the only person aware of the differences between the original timeline and the altered one. This heart-wrenching season of was pieced around Iris’ forecasted murder and Team Flash’s attempt to stop it. It’s clear her character’s resilience is an important sticking point. “Iris is visibly fearless, even when she’s vulnerable. Strong women are capable of experiencing fear, but then choose to find the strength to move forward. That’s what Iris does,” Candice says.

She’s loyal to Barry, to Wally, to her dad, and Team Flash,” Candice continues, noting that Iris spends most of her time at S.T.A.R. Labs than she does at her actual job. “She doesn’t have powers but that doesn’t get in the way of her trying to contribute. I think she’s a character that both men and women can admire.”

The Season 3 finale of The Flash premiered on May 23, 2017, the coincidental date of Iris West’s prophesied death. Fans witnessed the loss, the betrayal, and the fate worse than death - tragedies foretold by the season’s big bad, Savitar, in previous episodes. Above all else, they watched the long-awaited development of West-Allen, the ongoing fan-favorite nickname for Barry and Iris. “This season was filled with so much emotional turmoil,” Candice says, laughing on the other end of the line. “And right when you think they’re back on track and can finally plan their wedding, they can’t.”     

In the season’s final moments, The Flash made some poignant, if not complete strides. After conquering the darkness that monopolized Barry’s entire year and the anticipated unveiling of Savitar, “Finish Line” propels the series into potential plot twists and upcoming comic book villains. Regrettably, like most season finales, it’s cut too short. The Speed Force wreaks havoc above Central City, demanding a new speedster to take the place of the beloved Jay Garrick. Barry accepts his imprisonment for creating Flashpoint, leaving Iris, Joe, Wally, and all of Team Flash behind. “It’s The Flash,” Candice laughs. “You never know what you’re going to get. There’ll be more drama.” The conflict is expected, regardless of who ends up in that revered red suit.

Among other running shows on the network, The Flash is notable for their racially diverse cast. The core ensemble is comprised of Caucasians, African-Americans, and Latinos alike, with other minorities starring as citizens or city villains. “The diversity in The Flash is indicative of the world that we live in,” Candice says. “The more we see it on television, the more we resonate with it because it looks like our real life.”

In a 2016 comprehensive report published by USC Annenberg on the Diversity in Entertainment, The CW ranked second in the Television and Digital Distributor Inclusion Index. They were titled “Largely Exclusive” if not “Fully Exclusive” in their high percentage of female character inclusion, as well as female creators and writers. On cable television alone, over 51% of 138 shows lack Asian-speaking roles with 23% lacking African-American speaking roles. As an African-American woman herself, Candice beams with pride when I mention her network’s forefront position of this landscape. “We need more women and we need more people of color in any industry,” she says. “Some people don’t even think about it, and it’s imperative that they do.”

In 2016, Huffington Post surveyed U.S. adults and found only one in five white people believed Hollywood does not provide adequate roles to minorities. Over 60% of white people were pleased by the number of films featuring racial minorities. Black Americans, however, disagreed. 87% believed the entertainment industry does not provide enough opportunities to racial minorities.  Candice is one of them. “Diversity is so imperative and I don’t think people quite understand how it changes the way people view themselves,” she says. “If you go to the movies and you see the President of the United States is Asian, you then believe that it is possible.”

After a recent phone call with producers of The Flash, Candice knows a few things about the upcoming season, mainly plot points for her character. “Other than that, I don’t know too much and I don’t want to know too much,” she says. They began filming Season 4 in Vancouver on July 3. “Think of me when you’re watching fireworks and grilling burgers,” she says to me. When filming 10 months out of the year in Canada, the cast tends to miss major holidays - Independence Day, for one. In the other two hiatus months, Candice flies back and forth between Los Angeles and Texas where her parents, brother and baby niece and nephew reside. “I love my job and I’m humbled to do this for a living, but it’s hard being away from friends and family for so long,” she says. “I really cherish the two months I have off with them.” In time, Candice hopes to write and produce her own material, as well as shifting her focus into film - two things that need to be put on hold or shot in between filming The Flash. “There’s a part of me that really wants to have a film career and do gritty, independent features,” she says. “As a woman in this business, I would love to dabble in directing. That would be challenging but fulfilling for me.”

The actress’ passion for diversity is evident in all she does. It’s only one of many reasons why her work in the industry is nowhere near finished, especially with other women of color combatting that same crusade. Candice is on the cutting edge of reshaping the diversity issue in Hollywood, as her idols Lena Hornes and Halle Berry did before. “They cracked the door open for me and I’m trying to keep it open for the young girls who are watching me on The Flash right now,” she says. “Future women of color will come after me and audition for a lead role opposite a white guy, too. Helping those behind you is where true success comes from.”

Two weeks after our phone call, I check Candice’s Instagram. Her most recent post is a video, likely captured by a friend. She’s half asleep on a bed, surrounded by her castmates and closest cohorts singing “Happy Birthday” to her. She briefly turns her head to face them, but almost immediately retreats back into her pillow. The caption reads, ‘When it’s ya birthday but nap is life.’ I laugh to myself before recalling something Candice said to me two weeks ago. “If I never act again, I want people to say I opened doors and broke down boundaries in this industry,” she says. “I know I’ll have succeeded then.” That nap is well deserved, Candice. You’ve got some business to take care of. 

[dablkbox]

Did I Do That?

One thing I can admit is that I am a sucker for a sitcom with a well rounded family and some sort of quirky neighbor. If you're on the same train then you already know what show I had the pleasure of watching: Family Matters.

Family Matters premiered on September 22 1989, on ABC with the show later moving to CBS. The show starred Reginald VelJohnson as Carl Winslow, Jo Marie Paton as Harriette Winslow, Kellie Shanygne Williams as Laura Winslow, Darius McCrary as Eddie Winslow, Rosetta LeNoire as Estelle Winslow, Telma Hopkins as Rachel Crawford, Jamiee Foxworth as Judy Winslow, and Joseph and Julis Wright as Ritchie Crawford. At the beginning of the show Jaleel White was definitely capturing our funny bones as Steve Urkel but it was not until the second season he became a regular cast member. The viewers reactions to his antics and tenderness were enough to secure him a regular spot.

The show ran for 9 seasons which is an incredible run for a black sitcom. The last episode aired July 17, 1998. Family Matters is available for purchase on Amazon and also available to stream on Hulu.

I was a little hesitant to watch this show because I remember watching the reruns of this as a kid and only remember a few episodes being funny. OH DAMN WAS I WRONG! Family Matters is hilarious! The characters are quick and funny all in their own way. The show also really played with the element of physical and environmental comedy. Whether it was Steve transforming into Stephon or the The Winslow Family reacting to one of Steve’s newest machines the characters really played with what was going on around them.

Let’s start with the basics of the show; Family Matters centers around  The Winslow Family living in Chicago. The family deals with their everyday lives and with the daily and unnecessary occurrences of their neighbor Steve Urkel. One reason I was excited to watch this show is because it takes place in my hometown of Chicago. It was so interesting hearing them use actual Chicago streets, neighborhoods, and schools. It made me feel like I was really IN the story. 

One aspect of the show that I have to discuss is Carl Winslow’s job as an officer. We ALL know the traumatic history black people have in regards to the police. Things have gotten alarmingly worse and it has gotten to the point where there truly is no resolution for all the wrongs the police have done to black and brown communities. Despite all of this we also know there are people of color who are on the force. Carl Winslow was an officer of the Chicago Police Department and from what I gather it definitely feels as though this was done intentionally. This show premiered in the late 80′s and early 90′s which was a time where racial tension between black/brown communities and the police were really starting to reveal themselves. As a Chicago native I know that the 90′s was definitely when more gangs were making themselves known in the communities making police become more aggressive than they already were. During this time a figure like Carl, I feel, was a tactic to make black men who watch the show and don’t view police in a positive manner to empathize with the police by seeing someone who looks like them in the uniform. Remember this is just my theory but it does not seem too far fetched. Even though I am not  the biggest fan of Car’s occupation I appreciated how his difficulties being on the force in relation to him being a black man was displayed. There was an episode where Carl had to check one of his colleagues because he harassed his son Eddie for no reason other than the color of his skin. I appreciated the honesty toward that difficult part of his career.

During my rewatch something else that was great to watch was the show’s use of special effects. Growing up I watched many sitcoms but nothing could ever compare to the time and effort that I know were put into the special effects on the show. As Steve became more present his experiments always lead to explosions and/or some substance being shot across the room. I noticed that became an opener for some of the episodes in the later seasons and guess what...I loved every minute of it! The special effects mixed with other stunts in the show was the cherry on top of this comedic sundae. I hope the cast had insurance during the time cause certain things looked a little too daredevil-ish for me. One of my favorite moment is during the episode “High Anxiety” in season 4 when Waldo, Steve, and Eddie were trapped on a fire escape and were trying to get back inside the building. It was almost as if watching something similar to the Universal Soul circus. While the fire escape turned the actors tumbled and flipped right on top of it. I am still till this day wondering if they used stunt doubles. 

Another great part of this family sitcom are the characters themselves. I can truly say that after watching this series I enjoyed mostly everyone’s performance(minus Eddie but we’ll get to that) and watching them display the growth of these characters. One character who I deem to be one of the most underrated 90′s girls is Laura Winslow. I am sure those who listen to music have heard rappers refer to their dream girls and used sitcoms references. I have heard people wanting a Whitley Gilbert, Hilary Banks, Denise Huxtable, etc(and clearly we see what’s wrong with this pattern) but never a Laura Winslow which is amazing to me because she was such bold and charismatic character. One of my favorite episodes to see her in is “Fight The Good Fight” in season 2 where she fought to have a black history course taught in school. I know we loved Moesha but Laura paved the way. Did she make mistakes like every teenage girl yes but she knew exactly where she wanted to go and how to get there which makes Laura the blueprint!

I could not leave this post without writing just a tad about Jaleel White. I was looking forward to watching this show because I wanted to see if Steve is actually funny or was it just the expected goofiness that people knew they would get a chuckle out of. I am here to tell you that Steve Urkel is indeed HILARIOUS and that is done because of the brilliance that is Jaleel White. Jaleel was ACTING! Steve was no doubt a comedic character but there were moment in the show where his let his guard down(especially with Laura) and we saw some of the most tender and sincere moments that I have ever seen on a sitcom. The comedic moments were out of this world paired with Jaleel’s vocal and physical talents when it comes to creating Steve. The transformation moment when he turns into Stephon is almost mesmerizing to me. The way he deliberately would time it, deliver lines throughout the process, and even the sound effects he’s making. I know it sounds a little goofy but, this an actor who you can tell does not ming playing on a set. Jaleel now does work more in the children’s entertainment world which is a great thing. I am all for a children programming including images and voices(I know he’s done some voice over work) that include black people but I would love to see him cross over onto something very dark comedy-ish. American Horror Story? 

The cast overall is superb and went very well together and had many characters that are enjoyable on screen, like Ms. Estelle(played by Rosetta LeNoire). I always and I mean ALWAYS love a strong matriarchal figure who emphasizes in a very loving but direct way that: I AM GROWN. Estelle spoke her mind but was always there to bring her family together. It is probably the southern in me but it just hits every time.

NOW! As I stated in my opening post not only will I be going over the good but it just wouldn’t be right to acknowledge the bad in some of these shows, or the thing that were less favorable. 

Something I noted it what’s similar to what happened with “JJ” from Good Times. Steve was always his brilliant self but there were times where the antics may have been just a filler instead using the comedic moment to fuel the story. It was not to the extreme of how the character of J.J was in a sense “dumbed down” but there were moments I felt okay that little goofy thing didn't necessarily need to happen but it’s fine.

Someone that bugged me throughout this entire series is Eddie Winslow. I mean..he literally only thinks with one head and it gets very irritating after a while. I get it we were all there once teenagers but damn! THINK! I have a complex with straight men who think and act “traditionally” so fair warning that characters like Eddie Winslow in other shows will get the same treatment. Not to mention I am just not convinced with any of Darius McCrary’s performances. Even when he is a special guest star or the lead actor he just always has been a miss for me. Everyone on the cast held their own but I’ve always felt like he was the weakest link.

Overall Family Matters was an amazing display of quality Black television if you ask me. Great comedic scenes/elements, very heartfelt moments, and aired episodes that talked about some important issues such as bullying, gang violence, and even body image. The show gave us great characters; Steve Urkel will ALWAYS be a pop culture icon. I urge you to watch Family Matters again and enjoy everything this quirky and compassionate sitcom has to offer.

Favorite Episodes:

S2, EP 18-Life of the Party

S2, EP 20-The Good Fight

S2, EP 25-I Should’ve Done Something

S3, EP 9-Born To Be Mild

S3, EP 16-Brown Bombshell

S4, EP 13-Muskrat Love

S4, EP 18- Higher Anxiety

S5, EP 8-Dr. Urkel and Mr. Cool

S5, EP 10-All The Wrong Movies

S7, EP 14, Life in the Fast Lane 

S7, EP 20-Twinkle Toes Faldo

S8, EP 7-Stevil

[jessgartner]

Leaving Facebook Part III: Goodbye to All That

Remember what it was to be me: that is always the point. 

I'm in the final countdown to deleting Facebook, and not a moment too soon.

TL;DR:

Primary posts will be here

I'll be sending out a monthly Life Olympics newsletter

If you want email, mail, and/or newsletters, let me know where to find you

I think we are well advised to keep on nodding terms with the people we used to be, whether we find them attractive company or not.

The Wind-Down

I've backed up my data, I've collected contact info, and I've explored a variety of new platforms with varying degrees of success.

I've reached a tentative consensus on my plan for moving forward. It's a little more complex than I would have liked, but I'm settling into some new habits and I'll continue to iterate and refine over time. Here's where I've landed:

Nothing was irrevocable; everything was within reach. Just around every corner lay something curious and interesting, something I had never before seen or done or known about. 

Consuming

I chose: Apple News. I slept on this for a while, for reasons I can't totally remember. I revisited it and spent some time customizing it and decided it's the best newsfeed for me for now.

Pros:

Free

UX is good and it's easy to follow publications/topics

iCloud syncing across devices + desktop app is hard to beat. The next best product I looked at (Thread News) only had a mobile app, which was a dealbreaker for me.

I follow mostly mainstream-is publications and there's a full database of sources that are easy to follow.

I haven't tried News+ yet but I like the option of it - a while ago I had a similar magazine aggregator from Conde Nast that I loved and this seems similar or better.

Cons:

Initially, I didn't like the Top Stories on the home page. I don't really love the CNN/ABC/CBS-type focus on 24-hour headline news and wish this was better curated from my interests and favorite publications. I finally figured out that you can limit the Home Page to publications that you follow, but it's not an obvious setting.

I hate that share/copy link produces an apple.news url instead of the native url; this is obnoxious.

Runner Up: Thread News had a really nice Daily Digest feature that curated from your favorite publications.

I chose: Pocket for random articles that I come across on Twitter, in Slack, or recommended through text messages, I save them to Pocket to read later.

Pros:

Free (with premium paid option)

Syncs across desktop, mobile, iPad app; app UX is nicely optimized across devices

Tagging (good for saving favorites)

"Article view" that clears out web junk for a streamlined reading experience

Chrome extension for easy clipping/adding

Cons:

None yet; it's simple and works the way I want it to

Runner up: Instapaper. It has very similar functionality to Pocket, I just slightly prefer the design of Pocket. If you like a really minimalist reading experience, Instapaper is for you.

Keepers of private notebooks are a different breed altogether, lonely and resistant rearrangers of things, anxious malcontents, children afflicted apparently at birth with some presentiment of loss.

Creating

This one was a beast. I struggled for weeks to parse out exactly what I wanted on this front and which criteria were most important to me, because it became clear quickly that I wasn't going to get everything I wanted in one place.

I chose: Tumblr I initially wrote this off because the homepage/discovery can be nauseating without the right default settings. A tour of the mobile version convinced me to give this a second look: the mobile app is great and the posting experience is (pardon the cliche) delightful. I decided to give it a deeper dive behind the scenes and found that I was able to customize a lot of what I initially disliked. The auto formatting for photo, quote, link, and chat posts is charming and simple.

Pros:

Customizing themes is simple and there are a lot of choices.

I can use my personal domain

The posting experience is easy and relatively error-free

The tagging! I love my tags and they work so nicely. I was also able to find a theme that features tags so you will always have easy access to the latest photos of Darwin.

Great for multimedia posting

Built-in share buttons

Cons:

Not very good at importing content from other platforms; I manually recreated a few favorite posts, but otherwise pretty much had to start from scratch on content

No built-in analytics, aside from follower counts, which is not something I expect to care about or track. I set up tracking on Google Analytics, but I'll miss the built-in analytics that WordPress had. Since WP bought Tumblr, I'm hoping that they may eventually add these features to Tumblr

I just don't care about the social/discovery components here and I wish I could turn them off

Ads. I wish I could pay to make them go away.

Runner up: micro.blog For the first couple of weeks, I thought this was going to be my choice. I had a solid experience importing and archiving a lot of my content from WordPress, Instagram, and Medium. Unfortunately, once I started trying to use the platform on a daily basis, I ran into a lot of issues and challenges that gave me pause on using and recommending the platform. To be clear, a good number of these issues were either user-error or bespoke preferences due to my personal quirks on how I want to organize and share content on the Internet. Some of this is a result of it being a new-ish platform that still has some blind spots for non-developers; it's not a mainstream product yet and I'm not sure it's trying to be. Based on my personal preferences, I felt Tumblr was slightly better equipped for my use case. I'm still going to keep using micro.blog for a while in tandem with Tumblr to see if my preferences change and/or if the platform adopts some of the feedback I shared with regard to cross-posting and UX.

I chose: Drafts. One big challenge for me in this process was the desire to cross-post some content in multiple places while limiting where I post other content. I didn't want to fill my Twitter feed with cat pictures, but I wanted some little corner of the Internet for Darwin's biggest fans (my mother). Drafts is basically a universal text editor that pushes drafts of text to a variety of services, including micro.blog, Twitter, Day One, Google Drive, Evernote, WordPress, Gmail, and even text messages. It's highly configurable and I'm only just scratching the surface of its power. Creating text drafts here allows me to easily push drafts to a variety of different places with just a few keystrokes. It syncs with iCloud, has really robust tagging and filtering, and has mobile, iPad, and Mac apps. It's very cool.

He laughed literally until he choked, and I had to roll down the taxi window and hit him on the back. "New faces," he said finally, "don't tell me about new faces.” 

Engagement

I chose: Twitter I've increasingly found Twitter to be a place where my friends/followers care about what I care about. The messages I care most about sharing are amplified. I can choose to unfollow, mute, or block people who are harassing or distressing me. I can follow people whose expertise I value. It can still be a cesspool at times but Twitter leadership seems to be taking steps to improve the platform - identifying misinformation, a conversation feature that limits replies, etc. For now, it stays.

Coming Soon: Substack I haven't officially started this yet, but I'm going to start a monthly newsletter that (allegedly) goes out the first Sunday of every month. I'm going to use roughly my annual Life Olympics format except there will be fun and exciting recommendations. Teaser: new Life Olympics categories will make their debut in the first installment on July 5! If you want it, make sure you give me your email address and you'll receive the first edition.

It’s easy to see the beginnings of things, and harder to see the ends.

All quotes by Joan Didion, Slouching Towards Bethlehem

Many, many thanks to Jason Becker for his recommendations, patience, and tech support on this project.

[kowaiyoukai]

Star Trek: Discovery and CBS All Access: spoiler-free reviews

I saw the first two episodes of Star Trek: Discovery. Here are my spoiler-free thoughts, mostly regarding comments I've read, CBS All Access, and supporting diversity. The Good: - acting, effects, plot, dialogue, cinematography, political commentary, shout-outs/easter eggs The Bad: - character deaths, misleading promos The Ugly: - CBS All Access a.k.a. the paywall I'll definitely be watching more. I am choosing to pay the $5.99/month, though it pains me greatly to do so. I have seen a lot of negative opinions on the premiere, and most of those I disagree with. For instance, some of the most common complaints I've seen are that DSC is too political, too slow-paced, goes against Roddenberry's vision, and is too much like Star Wars/Stargate/Mass Effect. To these, I say Star Trek has always been political, the vast majority of Star Trek episodes are slow-paced and thoughtful (in fact, I'd argue DSC eps 1 & 2 were too fast-paced), Roddenberry originally wanted women as both Captain and First Officer, and many sci-fi shows/franchises share similar elements (as with all genre shows, what defines them is what makes them genre). Besides these issues, many people are judging based on only the first episode. I understand this is due to the fact that CBS only publically aired episode 1. Still, other pay services don't publically air any episodes (Netflix, Hulu, etc). At least they gave us the first episode. Don't get me wrong--I believe DSC should be airing on CBS without having to pay for All Access. What I mean is that judging a show only by it's first episode very rarely works. In that case, I wouldn't have continued watching some of my favorite shows, including Xena and The 100. For both of those shows, it took me until episode 3-4 to really get into them. Based on the DSC episode 3 preview, I would say the same goes in this case. Ep 3 looks like where we'll get into the good stuff. I'm also frustrated by the fact so many people seem to be taking out their irritation about the paywall on the show. I've seen many comments along the lines of "if it was on regular CBS, I'd watch it every Sunday", "the first episode didn't convince me to pay", and "why bother watching when I'll need another subscription service to continue". I wish these comments were directed towards CBS All Access instead of DSC. I also feel that rage of being pushed into paying for only one show. However, this isn't the first time I've done that. I paid for Crunchyroll ($6.95/month) only to watch Hunter x Hunter. Yet I kept that service because it's actually good. Actually, you can watch anime on Crunchyroll for free with ads--paying eliminates the commercials. Which brings me to my next point: why on Earth is paying for CBS All Access not enough to get rid of the ads? They want my money along with money from the commercials--capitalism at its greediest. My sister and I did some math and comparisons, using the idea of subscribing to All Access solely for DSC. 1 month of CBS All Access = $5.99-9.99 4 episodes/month; 1 episode = $1.50-2.50 4 hours = $5.99-9.99; 1 hour = $1.50-2.50 Do not own: can rewatch with subscription. 1 movie ticket = around $10-16 2 hours = $10-16; 1 hour = $5-8 Do not own: cannot rewatch without paying again. 1 box set = between $25-50 13-26 episodes/hours Min: 1 episode for 26 eps & $25 = about $0.96 Max: 1 episode for 13 eps & $50 = about $3.85 Average = $2.41 Do own: can rewatch whenever for free. So, it's cheaper than a movie, which you also don't own. My sister pointed out going to a movie is an experience, but the cost is still much greater comparatively. TV box sets are all over the place in terms of cost and content, yet owning them means the extra cost is worth it for many people. Still, all the math proves is that it's not too expensive for each episode. But even that depends on an individual's disposable income. And the fact is, the cost isn't going to matter to a lot of people, myself included, who believe having to pay extra for it at all is the problem. This is compounded by knowing that Netflix has it in every country except the U.S. and Canada. Many people in these countries who already have Netflix are just not going to like this setup. Again, myself included. Putting money aside, the other content you're paying for matters. What else does CBS All Access have to offer? - Live TV: if you already have CBS, this is irrelevant. It's just what CBS is currently airing. - Movies: I browsed through them. Most of them are old, and the majority I have seen at my library where I can rent them for free. - Sporting Events: These are heavily advertised. I have no interest in any of them, but they could be good for some people. Still, to my understanding, it's fairly easy to watch sports without paying extra. - TV: Most of these are old shows, so if you were interested in them you may have already seen them. What's currently airing is also available just on CBS. Again, most of this can be rented for free in box set form from my library. - Originals: There are currently four. Star Trek: Discovery, After Trek (a talk show after each episode), The Good Fight (spinoff of The Good Wife), and Big Brother: Over the Top. Out of that whole list, the only one I care about is DSC. I'm not even watching After Trek. So, to me, the content CBS All Access offers is extremely limited and subpar. As opposed to the other two services I use, Crunchyroll and Netflix, which both have a ton of good content to choose from. People may argue that All Access is just getting started and more originals will be coming soon, but I'm paying now, so I'm judging by what's currently available. Last of all, there's the quality of the service to consider. I found the stream quality to be really low. The image got blurry several times in both episodes. After each of the four 1 minute and 30 second commercial breaks, the stream paused to load for what I felt was too long. (Side note about the commercials: they were loud, annoying, and repetitive. Also, the shows they advertised for seemed to skew politically conservative-- supporting spying on people, showing white people as heroes and non-white people as villains, praising war, etc. Since Star Trek is a liberal show, these ads felt very out of place to me.) Another quality issue is the controls are a bit difficult to work. I use my PS4, and both Crunchyroll and Netflix have single button presses to pause, rewind, and fast forward. All Access required me to arrow down to a control bar, which then had me going over to my desired command and pressing it. That's an additional two steps I'm not used to. This caused major confusion several times in the ep. Functionality does matter to me. Also, when we went back to episode 1, we loaded a green screen with a few white boxes two times. No idea why the episode would be put up and then unable to load. Those quality issues stand out to me. This is a service I'm paying for. The stream should be a clear, sharp image; the load time should be minimal; and it shouldn't take me 10 seconds to pause the episode. If this was free, I would understand, but as a paid service, I'm utterly disappointed. Now for my last, perhaps most important, point: even with all of those negatives to CBS All Access, I'll still subscribe for Star Trek: Discovery. Why? Simply put, I've wanted WoC and diverse leads in serious dramatic shows (particularly sci-fi) for years. As a white woman, I know there are many PoC who've had a need for representation since before I even thought about it. So this only enhances my desire to support diverse characters in media. I've posted on social media about this many times: I want LGBT main couples who aren't killed off, I want more women in varying roles, I want PoC as leads. This is my chance to prove it. When people say "vote with your dollars", they're usually talking about boycotting something. However, the opposite is in effect here. By giving CBS $6/month, I'm telling TV network executives that Star Trek: Discovery is the type of content I am willing to pay for. Do I want a sci-fi show led by a WoC with a gay couple? Yes. Am I willing to pay for it? Yes. Everyone who has decided to pirate or simply not watch is sending a message, too. That message is "I'm not willing to pay for this type of content." That is the only message TV executives will hear. If DSC doesn't make the network money, all the CEOs will say, "People aren't willing to pay for this. Let's shut it down and see what they WILL pay for." At the end of the day, boycotting CBS All Access won't be seen as boycotting a streaming service--people pay for Netflix and Hulu, so the public has already stated it's willing to pay for specialized streaming content. Boycotting will only say that you don't want serious genre shows with WoC leads. So, to everyone saying they're interested and they'd watch if it was free, and to everyone who supports diverse representation in media, this is the time. Please, pay the $6/month to vote with your dollars. An important aside: I'm poor. This week, I have less than $5 to last me until I get paid on Friday. Then I have more bills going out than money coming in. Still, I put aside $6 from my check for DSC. This is the content I want, I'm ready to pay to show how much I want it, and, for now, this is the only genre show from a major franchise with a WoC lead. I'm putting my money where my mouth is. If you feel the same, you should, too. Overall: - I liked Star Trek: Discovery. I'm excited to watch more. Burnham is a great character who I can tell will lead us on a fascinating ride. - I don't like CBS All Access. Even putting aside that I don't believe DSC should be behind a paywall, I think the service itself is subpar compared to what's currently available. - I'm willing to pay $6/month to send a message to network executives that DSC has the type of content I want: WoC leads, LGBT couples, serious sci-fi. My hope is that people can separate their dislike of CBS All Access from their judgment of Star Trek: Discovery. It would be a shame to miss out on a show with massive potential, and to ignore a chance at making a statement supporting diverse representation in media, due to a poorly designed subscription service.