Loyalty and Love // Leah Williamson
warnings: dead family member
Leah was a gooner through and through, never been seen in a different club jersey than the arsenals as she was Arsenals biggest fan.
She went through all the youth team stages until she reached the senior team. Her body was full of loyalty to the club while your career path was very different - something Leah did not like about you.
Your career started at your hometown club near Bavaria, Germany, until FC Bayern München became aware of you. You were the only girl in the league and still scored the most goals. So to be fair, your actual club career started at the FC Bayern academy. You started there at the age of 10 and played there until the age of 16.
At 16 years old, you said good bye to Germany and played for Ajax in the Netherlands. You played two years for them and enjoyed every second with the Ajax family, yet after those two years, you transferred to AS Roma. You had many transfer offers, inside the league and outside of it but even though, you had transferred a few times already, you had one rule: never play in the same league with a different club. Roma sent you on loan to Olympique Lyon where you won the champions league and the league, each time as a key player of the team. OL offered you a real contract which you gladly signed - winning the treble. After three years in France, where you had learned a lot technical stuff but also had developed further as a person, it was time for a new challenge. A new club and country.
Spain was calling, FC Barcelona to be exact. After a teary good bye, you left for good - it was time to shine at Barcelona.
Your talent was magical, you could score from every angle, no matter the position and the fans loved you.
You had been nominated for numerous awards, won many of them yet still you were the kindest person. You always made time for the fans, signed jerseys, took photos and chatted with them. You were down-to-earth.
Of course you had haters, people not liking your volatility but you didn‘t care. You had a mission and would continue it, no matter if you had no fan at all or a the whole woso community behind you. So while your job was to score goals, you only had one goal in mind.
You loved the Spanish weather, you loved the City, you loved the girls. They made Barcelona your home and more than that. Playing alongside Alexia, Mapi, CGH, Aitana and literally every one on the squad was amazing. It was the way they played and the mentality they had that fascinated you.
The first season at Barcelona was the season you won the Ballon D‘or, while still being so young. The combination of the playing style that you learned in the individual clubs in each country also made you Fifas the best. You were the best.
On the pitch, every opponent was afraid of you while off pitch they adored you. It broke your heart to leave Barcelona, the City you adored. So why did you leave? It was the thing you had to do. The thing you promised yourself at the age of 16 when you left Bayern - Arsenal would be your last stop ever. The thing you promised someone. Your retirement club, you would stay there forever - as long as they offered you a contract.
-
While everybody had greeted you with open arms at your arrival, the skipper kept her distance, only talking to you when necessary. Leah was skeptical to say at least, some things bothered her about you. She didn‘t appreciate your transfers nor respected them. Every country? Really? Why Arsenal? Her childhood club? How long did you want to play here before you stab the team in the back? When another country became interesting? Maybe the US? Sweden?
And then the tape. The strip of tape on your shoulder, it didn‘t make any sense to her. It didn‘t seem like you had problems with your shoulder nor an injury in the last few years (which she had obviously checked) so why the tape? She - well actually everyone, never saw you without. When it slowly started to look rancid, the next second it looked like new again. When you changed, even in the shower after playing it was always there. Were you hiding something?
Leah didn‘t like you, it was clear as the day but (even if she would never admit it out loud) you were a fantastic footballer. Your feet could do magic with the ball, from assisting to scoring to defending, everything you did on the pitch was faboulous. That, she had to appreciate, maybe you would help Arsenal to win the league.
This season. who knows how long you‘ll stay.
-
After your first month with the gunners, you knew for sure, your heart and brain realized it for the first time: after years, you had finally fulfilled your promise.
You felt peace, nothing more. Maybe you could forgive yourself someday.
-
Over time, Leah‘s dislike towards you turned into much more - hate. When you were near the blonde, she would glare at you or leave the room,
the moments you tried to talk to her, to get to know her, she ignored you and
she would rudely comment on the things you said.
After months of trying, you just stopped. If she doesn‘t want to talk to you that‘s okay. You didn’t have to be friends - colleagues, that‘s it.
-
"When I visited Greece-" you started to tell Lia about the beauty of the country when her work wife cut you off, "wow, Y/L/N, a country you didn‘t play in, really respectable" Leah spat, rolling her eyes. Lia smacked the back of her head, her behavior unbelievable.
It was no secret that the defender felt some sort of dislike towards you - noticeable for your team mates and especially for the swiss as she knew Leah like the back of her hand.
"Ignore her" the midfielder stated, asking you to continue your story.
"It‘s fine" not in the mood to tell the end of your Greece-story, you left the two LW‘s joining Vic as she juggled with the ball.
"You really need to stop that" the swiss international grumbled, "she‘s actually really nice"
"And her loyalty sucks! I won’t let her ruin this club"
The brunette watched the blonde march away, arms crossed.
-
Leah‘s behavior continued like that, rude comments sent your way, cut off mid sentence and ignorance accompanied you every single day. But your mindset was clear: you couldn’t be bothered by her.
You understood that Leah was skeptical of you, you‘re new and played for several clubs but on the pitch you played your absolute best each game. You deserved at least some respect.
-
"Where‘s hopper?" Leah asked - you’re never late. Her new nickname for you showed her antipathy towards you yet hiding it well enough, so other people outside of the team wouldn’t get suspicious.
"She‘s on her way home for a few days" Lia replied calmly, not wanting the blonde to explode.
You had texted Lia about your plans earlier this morning - she was your friend after all. Just because she was great friends with Leah, didn‘t mean you couldn’t be friends with her too. Like I said, you were friends with the whole team, just not with Leah. Besides you enjoyed talking to Wally as it was in your mother tongue, conversation flowing with an ease.
"What the fuck?! She does know we‘re playing a derby this weekend!" The England captain growled, marching out of the changing room, already calling you. Who do you think you were?
Her calls went straight to voicemail which only angered and frustrated her more. why were you so infuriating?
The defender was quick to approach to Jonas - what was the thinking letting you leave? Did he even know about this?
"Why did you let her leave?!" the woman asked loudly and harshly. You made her blood boil. "Is she playing on Saturday? You should kick her out of the squad! This behavior is unacceptable" she scolded.
Even though Leah knew the team would need you, she was too caught up in her anger.
"Who are you talking about?" the coach asked rather confused. Was he missing something?
"Your new signing" she huffed out frustrated, how can he be this clueless?
"She‘s not here. Apparently at home in Germany, did you know about this?"
"Oh! Yes, I know about this. It‘s in her contract"
"What do you mean? In her contract?"
"She‘s allowed to leave, no matter what day, at-" he looked at his watch, checking the date, "at the 20th of March for three days. One day to get there, one day to stay, one day to leave" he explained.
"Why?"
"I can’t tell you that"
-
On game day, you arrived on time at the stadium, your favourite defender already impatiently waiting for you in the locker room. When you entered the room, she was about to stomp over, telling you how your behavior was unacceptable and jeopardizing the team but something told her not to. Your shoulders were sagged, your eyes red and puffy as you had bags under them ad well - it looked like you had been crying for awhile and not sleeping either. You looked small and sad, but not the sadness-sad, somehow it looked like grieving-sad or guilty-sad. Leah didn't know if her analysis was correct, after all, she didn't know you as you weren’t friends - not even close to that - and to the others it seemed like you were your usual self.
As you walked past her to get to your cubby, she grabbed your hand. "Are you okay?" she asked, genuinely concerned about your well-being. Her stone cold persona towards you was gone for the moment, eyes scanning your face - what was wrong? How can she help you?
"I‘m fine, Leah"
Her hand had a firm grip on yours yet it was so gentle and soft - it was almost like you could feel her 'caring' about you.
But you knew, she only cared about the team and not about you.
"Thank you for asking, though" you smiled a bit, before leaving her touch and walking over to your cubby.
You didn't want to be rude to her because it seemed like she was dead serious about her question. Besides, if you wanted to have at least a somewhat normal work-relationship with her, this might was a step in the right direction.
However, you had to admit, the feeling of her holding your hand was quite nice and made you hope for eventually being friends one day.
-
The game started with you on the bench as agreed with Jonas. It was his decision if he wanted to put you in or not and you respected either way. You were thankful enough that he had shown so much understanding about your family situation, so you wouldn’t be the one to complain about not playing.
Next to you on the bench sat the one and only Leah Williamson, who watched the game very carefully, attentively and critically - the same as you did. In your heads, the two of you analyzed what happened on the field, every bad pass, every unused space or loss of the ball was noted while you tried to come up with solutions. While Leah stated her analysis to everyone at half time, you talked to the relevant person what they should pay particular attention to - most opponents had the same playing style, even if the tactics were changed. Overall, it wasn't the played game in general that mattered, but rather the individual players on the field. If you watched them long enough, it wasn't too difficult to outplay them and their team - Leah and you knew that.
Both of you got subbed on in the 74th minute, the defender doing her job brilliantly while you ran down the wing. The game seemed like it had shifted as soon as the two of you took in your positions. Chances were created, space was used, passed connected perfectly - in all honestly, Tottenham didn‘t have any control over the match anymore, thanks to Leah and your critical eyes.
The score changed when Leah sent a ball flying towards you. With one quick motion, you dribbled around the defender, firing a shot on goal - Tottenhams goalkeeper stood no chance.
That evening a special chemistry was born between your favourite defender and her favourite hopper.
-
If you were hoping that the 'how are you' question meant something, you were wrong.
Her arrogant attitude got worse, as did her mean behavior towards you. You thought that maybe, just maybe, the link up on the pitch earned you enough respect that she at least refrains from commenting. Yet she questioned everything you did and not only that: you were regularly asked whether you would leave the club at the end of the season or whether you would leave one season after that. At this point you felt helpless, you didn’t know what her problem was with you - she seemed like a nice person towards everyone else.
"Come on, Leah, leave me alone" you grumbled as she stood next to you in the locker room with her arms crossed. Especially today she was getting on your last nerve. You hadn‘t slept well the last few days and the bickering was getting more and more exhausting.
"You weren‘t concentrated today" she stated, "this isn‘t acceptable at Arsenal."
"Leah-" Wally tried to stop her but there was no chance. She wouldn’t hold back.
"No, she has to know. She‘s played at enough clubs to know that she has to give 100%!"
"As if you haven‘t had a bad day before"
"I can keep things professional"
"No you can‘t! If you could, you would leave me the fuck alone. You are all judgy but never played somewhere else than Arsenal, so get a fucking grip. At least I have the experience of other leagues"
The whole changing room gasped, Katie smirking, happy that you stood your ground. Leah’s behavior was ridiculous. And this time she took it too far.
On an emotional level, your week had been absolutely shitty.
It‘s like a haunted house, only you‘re the ghost.
On an physical level, you were exhausted.
So, neither emotionally nor physically you could deal with her at the moment.
"Watch your mouth-" the defender started before you cut her off.
"No, you will watch yours" your pointer finger angrily poked her chest, "Listen to me closely, I will not repeat myself. You, Leah Williamson, will stay away from me. I‘m not your friend, I’m not your mate, I’m your colleague, so treat me with damn respect" with that you grabbed your stuff and left.
Leah was breathing heavily, your anger awfully attractive.
"Why are you being like this?" McCabe asked, the girls in the room waiting for an answer. This couldn’t be just because you played for several clubs and she was questioning your loyalty - there had to be more.
"Because she‘s hiding something! I won‘t let her ruin this club" she growled, sitting down in her cubby.
"What should she be hiding?" Steph questioned, you seemed like an honest and truthful person.
"She literally left for three days out of nowhere!"
"She did that when we played at Barca together too" Laia added. She had never thought about that before. But Leah was right, it was unusual to not show up at training when you weren‘t injured or sick, especially since it was in the middle of the season.
"See!"
"I still don’t see the problem" Steph shrugged her shoulders, "she‘s a lovely person and you would know that if you gave her the chance to show it" with that the Australian left. You were such a lovely girl, at least someone had to defend you. Partly, Steph could understand where Leah was coming from - that girl was bleeding Arsenal red.
After Steph had left, the other girls started to leave too, Leah and Kim the only ones left.
Leah was sorting through her bag, checking if she had everything she needed when Kim broke the silence, "Her brother died when she was 16. The 21st of March is the day of his death"
Leah stopped her movements, "what?" she turned around, the colour leaving her face.
"That’s all I know"
Kim grabbed her bag, walking past the blonde, about to leave, "I’m disappointed in you, Leah. We're a family here, and you didn't show her that. Have you ever thought about why she played in every league? You’re criticizing but not questioning. You doubt her loyalty, but she hasn't transferred within the league - doesn't that show her respect for the club she‘s played at?"
"Kim-"
"Have a nice evening"
Alone in the changing room, Leah tried to process the information, now it made sense that you were at home for a few days. It was his anniversary.
She had been a complete ass to you without knowing your story - she still didn't. However, for the first time she felt something like interest. She wanted to get to know you. She wanted to know your story. But most of all she wanted to apologize. You seemed like a sweet girl.
Of course, most of her questions were still unanswered: the tape? Why did you transfer so much? You‘re young.. but for the first time she didn't care. She fucked up and was determined to start over.
I‘m disappointed in you, Leah.
-
At home, the defender sat on her couch, eating some food while the tv was showing her favourite show. This wasn’t right. She couldn’t wait till tomorrow. She had to talk to. Now.
Leaving her food on the table, the blonde called Lia, asking where you lived. The Swiss was hesitant to tell her as she wanted to protect you but Leah sounded genuinely upset about her own behavior.
"Please.. I- I‘m in the wrong here, I know that now. I don‘t want her to go to bed angry or feeling like she‘s not a part of the Arsenal family."
After that, the Swiss texted your address, the England captain already on her way.
When she arrived at her destination, she felt nervous. She rang the bell, hoping you wouldn’t open. She wasn‘t prepared at all - she didn’t know what to say or how to make things up with you.
In that moment, she realized maybe it was a hasty decision to just show up in front of your door and apologize. It wouldn’t be deserved to accept the apology straightaway.
"Leah?" you said surprised.
"Hopper" it was almost inaudible as you had knocked the air out of her lungs. You looked breathtaking. No, it wasn‘t something fancy - you wore an oversized shirt and some shorts while your hair was down but you looked naturally beautiful.
"What are you doing here? I told you to leave me alone"
"I- um.. I came to apologize?"
"Are you asking me that?"
"I came to apologize"
"Go home, Leah-"
"Give me a chance-"
"No. Look, I don’t know why you are here or what your problem is but I don‘t want to play your sick games" you stepped back, closing the door, leaving the defender dumbfounded in front of your home.
"I know about you brother!" she called, helpless on what do to. But as soon as the word 'brother' left her mouth, she regretted it.
The door was thrown open, "what did you just say?!" you were angrier than ever. Your family had always been a sensitive subject.
"I know about your brother" the audacity Leah had to repeat her words was unbelievable.
She squeezed herself inside, looking around.
"I swear to god, if you don‘t leave-"
"I‘m really sorry" she turned around, you didn‘t know if she was talking about your brother or how she had treated you and neither did she. Either way, it made you furios, you were balling your hands into fists, trying to stay calm.
"Is that him?" she asked, walking to the picture frame on your shelf, "what‘s his name?"
It was a picture of the two of you as kids, both of you wearing Germany jerseys as you grinned in the camera - one of your favourite pictures.
And that made you explode. How dare she come to your home, implying to apologize which she wasn‘t and then act nosy.
You marched over, grabbing her at the collar of her shirt and pushing her against the wall, "leave me alone" you weren’t shouting but you voice was loud, clear and firm, almost intimidating.
Her breath hitched, "I can‘t" you were so close to her. She could see all tiny freckles, those which only appeared when you were in the sun. She was intrigued by you. Her eyes darted around your features, the wrinkle between your brows slowly disappearing.
You didn‘t know what came over you, but in less than a second, you smashed your lips against hers. Teeth were clashing, all anger and frustration purred in, hands gripping and pulling as both of your minds went blank. Neither of you could think about anything else but each other.
-
The day she stood in front of your apartment, wasn’t brought up again yet you had to admit something shifted in your dynamic that night.
The chemistry you had on the pitch only grew, Leah assisted while you scored countless of goals.
Her behavior wasn‘t as bad as before anymore, she started to greet you, say good bye or other acts of kindness yet every once in a while a snarky comments left her mouth.
After Arsenal had won the conti cup against Chelsea, the celebrations were on the rise when you entered the club. You saw some girls dancing around, some lingering at the bar and others sitting at the table.
You joined the girls at the table, sitting down next to Stina. Lost in conversation with the Swede you didn‘t notice a blonde defender standing right behind you with her arms crossed and a pout on her face, "you‘re sitting on my seat, hopper" she grumbled, the pout increasing.
"Sit somewhere else" you replied, not looking up as you continued your conversation which had been rudely cut off by the English woman.
"There is no seat left"
This time you turned around, looking up from your seat as the defender glared at you.
It was the first time, you had seen her tonight and she looked absolutely gorgeous with the outfit she was wearing.
"I think you‘re old enough to deal with that, aren‘t you?" you smiled sarcastically at her, once again turning to Stina.
"I am" she stated, a smug smile plastered on her face. With the alcohol in her system, she simply sat on your lap, one arm going around your shoulders while she started her own conversation. Weirdly confused but somehow not minding, you let her be, your arms going around her waist to support her. No one said anything about, most of them not realizing what was happening or simply not caring - as long as you weren‘t fighting everything seemed fine.
The night continued like that, chatting, dancing and enjoying the time.
"Could you let me get up, please? I‘d like to have another drink" you asked the defender who immediately got up, "can you bring one for me too?"
"Sure"
She smiled shyly before you left, sitting back down, Lia looking at her with a 'tell me right now what‘s going on' expression.
"What?"
"Seriously? What‘s going on between the two of you?" the Swiss asked, Leah‘s eyes already back on you as you stood at the bar, ordering.
"Nothing"
The defender’s brows furrowed when a man approached you, standing way too close to you, her jaw clenching.
She saw you taking a step to the side, intending to signal the man that you were not interested. In responds, he only stepped closer.
Angrily, the blonde stood up, marching over, "is everything alright here?" her hands settled on your waist, pulling you protectively towards her.
"Everything‘s alright, mate" the man slurred, stepping forward, "I’m just getting to know your friend."
Leah was quick to step in front of you, her hand holding onto you to know you‘re safe, "leave my girlfriend alone or I will break your nose" she threatened.
The man held his hands in surrender before he left.
In an instant, she turned around, cupping your cheeks, checking if you were alright.
"I‘m okay" you stated. What just happened? Girlfriend? Weird man? Break his nose? Girlfriend?
"Here‘s your drink"
She took her drink, resting her hand on the small of your back, guiding you back to the table.
What‘s just happened?
Lia was the only one left at the table while the others had joined the dancers. You were about to sit down on an empty chair when the blonde pulled you on her lap - roles reversed.
Raising an brow, "There are enough empty seats this time"
"I don’t care, hopper"
"I‘ll join the rest on the dancing floor" Wally said, winking at Leah whose cheeks turned red.
"You‘re so beautiful, you know" the England captain said, cheeks turning a deeper shade of red.
"How many drinks did you have?" you giggled, your fingers absentmindedly tracing patterns along the back of neck. "Not enough to punch that guy" she growled.
You laughed, "you‘re cute when you‘re jealous" not so sober yourself.
She squeezed your hips in responds, resting her head on your shoulder.
Both of you enjoyed the silence that came over you, also enjoying the closeness you shared in that moment. Leah wasn‘t forgiven and she knew that yet she couldn’t stay away from you. Somehow you were addicting.
For once, it was nice not to argue with the blonde but to enjoy her company. She was cute, you couldn’t lie.
"I‘m very sorry for my behavior" she whispered, "I’d like to start over again" you turned towards her, eyes locking, "I’m not asking for your forgiveness, just for a chance to show you that I’m not an awful person. You are a part of the Arsenal family and I’m sorry for treating you otherwise"
You let her words sink in. She was right, she couldn’t ask for your forgiveness because too much had happened already but starting over seemed like an opportunity for the both of you.
"I’m Y/N"
-
The next weeks, Leah was the sweetest person to you. Each morning, she greeted you with the widest smile and when she left the facility, she always made sure to tell you good bye. She treated you with respect and listened to everything you had to say. She was amazed by the stuff you had to say. She couldn’t care less if it was something as simple as your favourite colour or an opinion on something. Everything you said was important to her.
Soon the small talks turned into longer conversations until they were endless.
In matches, when somebody fouled you Leah was the first to stick up for you, arguing with the opponent before she argued with the ref (of course after she had made sure you were okay.)
Slowly but surely, Leah earned your trust and appreciation.
She wasn‘t just anybody - she was Leah Williamson and once she had set her mind, you couldn’t stop her from doing it.
She wasn‘t the Leah you had met at your arrival - she changed for good. She was much more. She was funny, loving and caring, attentive and respectful - she was actually an amazing woman and your friend.
-
Standing in the kitchen of Leah’s apartment, you made dinner for the both of you while she sat on the counter watching you and eating the ingredients.
The atmosphere was tranquil and relaxed as music filled the background.
Peace.
"His name‘s Sebastian" you turned around, grabbing another ingredient out of the fridge while you avoided Leah‘s eyes, painful stings in your heart. You wouldn‘t cry, not now. "He‘s three years older than me" you inhaled sharply, trying to compose yourself as you continued to cook. "You would have loved him, he was a big Arsenal fan, watched every match" you chuckled, "but was the worst player of all time. He never really was a sports guy anyway, he was rather the calm type of person. He loved to cook - that‘s actually one of his favourite recipes" you nodded your head towards the food splayed out on the counter.
The dish you were making had brought you so much comfort after his death. It felt familiar. Sometimes, you imagined him standing in the kitchen, so concentrated that his brows would furrow as he cut the vegetables or when he seasoned - never a drop too much. He was very particular when it came to cooking, but rightly so, because when he did it, it always tasted absolutely perfect.
"He used to be my best friend"
Your heart broke into pieces saying it out loud. He wasn‘t just anybody - he was your brother, the only man you ever loved and him more than anyone.
The two of you had a special bond, you basically owed him your entire career. Because it was him who kicked the ball around with you for hours,
because it was him who drove with you to training when your parents had to work,
because it was him who always watched your matches,
because it was him who always believed in you, even when you were on the verge of giving up.
He was your biggest supporter, the person who believed you could be the best footballer in the world one day and the one person who made sure that you had a life outside of football.
And even though you would have never shared your charger with him, you would have given him your lungs, so he could breathe.
"What happened to him?" Leah asked, her voice gentle, testing the waters if it was okay to ask or too much.
"When-" you closed your eyes, holding back the tears that were about to fall, "I was at a birthday party. At some point during the night I asked him to pick me up because I wasn't feeling well. He did it without hesitation. On the way home we- we got hit by a car and crashed into a tree. Both of us were conscious but he was coughing and bleeding very badly. It looked very bad. I prayed to every god I knew that they should take me and not him- they didn‘t listen" tears were streaming down your face as you aggressively cut the remaining vegetables, "his last words were 'make me proud' and i remember shouting at him but it was too late. I told him I loved him- he took his last breath with a smile on his face"
Silence filled the room, small sniffles the only thing being heard. You grabbed a tissue, blowing your nose and another one to dry your tears, "I am- was blaming myself for what happened, so I left home as soon as I could"
Leah was listening carefully, her heart aching seeing you in pain and the pain you had been through.
"I always complained about others leagues, because they seemed so easy and everything" you chuckled at the memory, "and he always was like 'you can‘t complain if you haven‘t played there'" mocking him, the most german accent in your voice, "so that’s what I did. I have played in several leagues but I always knew Arsenal would be my last stop"
Everything made sense now, Leah‘s heart broke even more, realizing what an absolute ass she was while you only had one goal in mind - to make him proud.
It was never your plan to ruin Arsenal, you wanted to stay there to fulfill the promise you had made in the night that changed your life.
-
Leah saw you with different eyes now, her heart was beating for you in more than one way. She admired you - for the way you play, how strong you are and how hard life had been for you yet still smiling throughout it.
She had to protect the ray of sunshine and the feisty beast you could be. You weren‘t just anybody - you were Y/N Y/L/N, the best footballer in the world.
The defender was a 100% sure, your brother would be more than proud of you and the woman you became.
But she also knew what she had to do. You deserved an apology, even more than that - you deserved every good thing in the world. And if she could she would take all your pain away.
-
It was in the middle of the night, all lights turned off besides in the kitchen of the blonde defender. She sat at the kitchen table, one sheet of paper and a fountain pen in front of her.
Dear Sebastian,
I’m Leah, Leah Williamson.
I've been playing for Arsenal my whole life. I've had my best and worst moments at the club. All of my best moments had to do with my team, my friends, my family, whereas my worst moments had something to do with my performance or injuries. Unfortunately, because of my loyalty and love for the club, I was blinded from seeing the important things - your sister. I never understood why she had transferred so often - it seemed like she was volatile and didn't understand loyalty and love. But she does - she does that more than anyone else.
Her loyalty was only ever dedicated to you.
She is an incredible person and I’m so sorry for the way i treated her at her arrival (I will tell her that, this time when I’m fully sober and explain everything). But I’m writing you to tell you that I like your sister, more than I ever thought I would. To be honest, that‘s the first time I’m admitting it to someone, I didn‘t even admit it fully to myself - but I do. I like her. And I guess, this is me asking for your blessing.
A blessing that I can treat her right if she lets me,
a blessing that I can always support her,
a blessing for one chance with her.
I know, there is much too make up for and my behavior will never be excused - no apology could be strong enough for what I have done - but I want you to know that I will regret it till the rest of my life.
So while you may be her biggest fan from paradise, I want to be her biggest fan from earth.
I promise to do everything in my power to be the best person she deserves.
Sincerely,
Leah Williamson
With a lighter in her pocket and the letter in her hand, she went outside on the balcony. The night was chill and quiet, the perfect atmosphere as the moon shone brightly. Her nerves were calming down and her mind seemed to find rest as she looked up in the sky, "one chance" she whispered, burning the letter. She watched the ink and paper slowly disappear, the smoke rising into the night sky. She knew it was unrealistic to expect any sign of positive responds but was it wrong to hope? When the letter was fully burned, she waited till the smoke was completely gone before she went back inside, turning off the kitchen light and making her way to bed.
When the blonde woke up the next day, she made her way to kitchen immediately, needing her morning tea. She frowned and froze.
"Hello?" she called.
No response.
She had turned off the light last night, didn‘t she?
She sure did!
Was this her sign? Was this the sign that the letter arrived?
It was his blessing.
-
"Hey" the blonde greeted you with a wide smile when you entered the changing room.
Matching her smile, "good morning" you walked to your cubby.
"What are you doing tonight?" she followed you, the smile not leaving her features. Someone woke up in a good mood, you thought.
"Going home, eating, then sleeping" you replied.
"Do you want to watch the Arsenals men game tonight? With me?"
"Are you nervous?" you asked, the defender fidgeting with her fingers as her cheeks were slowly turning red, "I’d love to watch the match with you."
And if you thought her smile couldn’t have gotten wider, you were wrong - the smile she sent you was from ear to ear.
"Perfect" with excitement in her body, she pressed a peck to your cheek before she happily skipped out of the room, the other girls watching the interaction that just happened closely.
"Are you blushing?" Katie laughed loudly as you embarrassingly turned to your bag, in fact blushing.
-
Half an hour before kick-off you rang Leah‘s doorbell, takeout in your hands. You weren‘t in the mood for cooking and Leah‘s cooking skill were eh, e for effort?, also you had been craving Chinese all day long, so that‘s what you got.
"I brought food with me!" you grinned, pushing yourself inside as soon as the blonde had opened the door.
"What did I do to deserve this?" she asked chuckling at your eagerness as you walked in her kitchen to get some plates and cutlery.
Cheekily, you replied "Nothing, I was just hungry"
Serving the food on the plates, you sat down at the table with Leah, comfortable silence filling the air while the two of you ate dinner.
Something was bothering Leah though, you could tell. Every now and then it seemed like she wanted to say something yet she closed her mouth quickly after.
"I‘m sorry for my behavior" she mumbled, "when you arrived at Arsenal, I mean" you looked up from your plate, meeting her eyes for a brief second, "I was skeptical about your loyalty and it got out of hand" carefully she laid her hand on yours, hoping you wouldn’t pull away.
You didn‘t - you wanted to hear what she had to say.
"I‘m really sorry and I know we started over, but I need you to know how sorry I am, this time without any drink in my system. You’re the most loyal person I know, I just didn‘t notice it"
"Leah" you said gently, "look at me, please"
The defender raised her head, looking at you with unsure eyes, rapidly tapping her foot under the table.
"Thank you for telling me. I guess I would have been skeptical too if I had played for the gunners my whole life" you told her, "I’m not excusing your behavior because it wasn‘t nice or appropriate but I don‘t have any bad blood against you either. In fact, I enjoy your company" you pulled her hand from hers, only to put it against her side profile, softly caressing the apple of her cheek.
Subconsciously, she leaned into your touch, "I‘m very sorry"
"I know"
The unspoken 'why' barrier was finally removed.
-
"Arsenal will win, I can feel it!" the defender stated, flopping down on the couch. With a bowl of popcorn in your hand, you sat down next to her, somehow your thighs touching even though the couch was big enough. "Liverpool is a tough opponent"
"Oh stop it! None of that"
Making herself comfortable on the couch, she turned on the tv, ready to see Arsenal win.
Getting comfortable yourself, you pulled your legs on the couch, leaning towards the armrest on the other side which earned you a glare, "what do think you‘re doing?"
"Oh, sorry" in an instant your feet were on the ground.
"No, what are you doing over there? Come here" she nodded to the space between her legs, signaling you to cuddle her.
With red cheeks and a racing heart, you crawled over, settling between her legs as your body melted into hers, head resting on her chest while her arms wrapped around you.
Leah was sure you could hear her racing heart and even though she desperately tried to concentrate on the match, she just couldn’t. With you in her arms, she wouldn’t ever want to think about anything else. You looked so precious in her arms, eyes fully focused on the tv.
"You are so beautiful" she admired, looking at you with heart eyes.
"What?"
You prompted yourself up, looking at the blonde who was smiling dazedly at you, "you are just so gorgeous" her fingers started to play with your hair as she got lost in your eyes, "let me take you on a date"
It was crazy how the mood had changed - from apologies at dinner to cuddling on the couch to asking you out.
"Okay" you smiled shyly, cheeks crimson red as your skin tingled.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah"
You stared at each other, eyes shining with adoration and passion, both of you slowly leaning in.
When your lips met, the world seemed to stop spinning, fireworks exploding as you melted into each other and Arsenal getting themselves on the scoreboard. She kissed you so gentle and tender - the complete opposite of the kiss you had shared before.
Everything was perfect.
-
After many many dates, the blonde asked you to be her girlfriend. None of your friends surprised at this point - you had always been obsessed with each other.
The two of you had been caught kissing several times, not even trying to hide it. Leah loved kissing you but she also loved physical touch in general, always holding your hand, having her arm around your midsection or her hand on your thigh while driving. She couldn’t get enough of you.
-
"Come to bed" the blonde whined, waiting for you to join her under the covers. Weirdly, neither of you could sleep good at night without being in each others embrace, so it became your routine - either Leah would sleep at your home or the other way around - this night you were at Leah‘s, and obviously you had stolen a shirt from her wardrobe as your pajamas - which she liked very much. You looked so cute in her clothes.
When you joined her, her arms were immediately wrapped around your body as she pulled you close, pressing a good night kiss on your temple.
The next morning, you woke up with hair in your face and a head resting on your chest, the blonde defender still peacefully asleep. You stayed like that for awhile, your hand gently rubbing her back before you slipped out of bed, ready to make some breakfast and your much needed coffee.
Since it was the weekend and your day off, you decided to surprise the England captain with some self made pancakes - you knew she loved them.
While Leah woke up due the feeling of your absence which turned out to be correct, something she didn‘t like. Sleeping without you was awful already but waking up without you? absolutely horrible.
Grumpily, she made her way out of the bedroom, the smell of pancakes hitting her nostrils, lightening her mood in an instant. Following the smell, she found you in the kitchen, only wearing a sports bra and some of her old Arsenal shorts - you looked cute - booping your head to the non existing music, no doubt that you were humming some song. Silently, the defender walked up behind you, her arms smacking around your stomach, "gosh, you scared me!"
"Sorry, baby" apologetic, she pressed multiple kisses on the side of your neck, fingers tracing along your sides.
You inhaled sharply when she traced along the stripe of tape on your shoulder, she had never brought it up before, respecting whatever story was behind it.
"You- you can take it off" you whispered breathlessly, anxiety and fear creeping through your body.
"Are you sure?" her lips kissed the other side of your shoulder, trying to calm you down and ease your mind.
"Yes, just- be careful, please"
and that’s exactly what she was. All of her moves were gentle and careful - you weren’t afraid that it would hurt pulling the tape off but the story behind it.
After the tape was ripped off a big scar was displayed on your shoulder, "it‘s from the car crash" you said, pain shooting through the healed wound. It wasn‘t an injury pain rather the type of phantom pain - suddenly you were back in the car.
"It‘s a constant reminder of what had happened - something that‘s my fault" you admitted, fighting the tears, "I started to cover it up but make up didn‘t work, so the physio at Ajax taped it. And since that day, I do it all the time"
Leah‘s heart broke at the vulnerability she was seeing, your posture seemingly weak and exposed.
"Is this okay?" Her pointer finger traced over the scar..
"Yeah"
..not in a way that made you uncomfortable but in a way that made you feel like you didn’t have to be ashamed of it.
"What about this?" for a moment you didn‘t feel her touch at all before she pressed featherlight kisses over your scar.
"yes"
Tears were streaming down your face, all of your walls broken down now, Leah made you feel perfect the way you are - because you are.
"I‘m proud of you"
Everything came crashing down, a sob escaped your throat and within a second, you were in your girlfriends arms, crying into her shoulder. The tears that you had not allowed to shed in previous years, fell all at once now.
The England captain hugged you through it all, letting you cry as long as you needed - she wouldn‘t go anywhere.
She had promised your brother to do everything in her power to be the best person you deserve and that‘s what she did, does and will do.
She kept her promise and you did too.
Arsenal was always half but never whole, Leah‘s begun to feel like home.
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