#good ol britain bashing

[mcofthemansion]

So this is a request for Kisara-16! (Thank you so very much for this request Kisara!) It's about Arthur showing Y/n around Edinburgh (where he grew up) I hope you enjoy it!

...

The streets of Edinburgh were quite cheerful, people smiled and greeted eachother, it was lively but not hectic.

This had been the first time Y/n had traveled anywhere since deciding to live in Le Comte's mansion. So a trip to Edinburgh with Arthur was just a lovely idea! Y/n loved travelling and spending time with her beloved, so spending time with him in his hometown, well nothing could be better!

The way she felt walking down the streets was a sort of odd feeling.

Edinburgh just matched Arthur perfectly.

It was energetic and alive and gave off an almost flirtatious mood, everything was beautiful! Yet, the weather gave it a hint of sadness.

Although Arthur did warn her that Britain did tend to be cloudier.

As they kept walking Y/n saw a lovely brick estate, it reminded her a tiny bit of Comte's but it seemed to remind her more of someone else, a particular someone that was standing beside her.

"Luv! What's with all the daydreaming! We're nearly there" beamed Arthur.

He walked up to the front deck of the beautiful estate and piled the luggage onto it.

Y/n snapped out of her daze,"Sorry, Sorry! I just can't believe my eyes! Edinburgh is so beautiful" She replied

"Glad you like it Y/n, welcome to my estate! It's still quite shocking Comte bought it after my supposed death, it was a very nice thing to do, it all looks just as I remember it" he rambled joyously. He looked at Y/n and happily.

She smiled and said "I'm glad we can stay here together Arthur, It's really a dream come true!"

The two of them moved thier belongings inside and Y/n decided to inspect the whole house. It was Arthur's afterall! Maybe there's an old picture of him somewhere, or something else that was interesting she could go ask him about.

She made her way upstairs and found herself in Arthur's old bedroom.

Arthur's taste hasn't changed much in furniture, so blues and browns decorated the room, and the curtains that matched were in a beautiful 1900's style.

Y/n looked around noticed pictures in his room, his smile really was beautiful in any time period! She also saw some old articles and documents on Arthur's desk.

She picked up one of the articles lying on his desk, "a dissertation on tabes dorsalis, so it's like a medical thing and the date on it is 1885" she accidentally mumbled, then in a moment she felt strong arms around her shoulders.

"So this is where my lovely bird flew off too!" Arthur teased

Y/n giggled a bit at the remark.

"Sorry Arthur, I couldn't help myself" she said

Arthur smiled, "it's quite alright luv, anything else caught your fancy?"

Y/n put the paper down and picked up another that was previously lying underneath it.

She looked at the article and said "It's an article advocating for compulsory vaccination".

Arthur smiled, "I sure did write a lot of them"

Y/n loved all the hard work Arthur did, all his articles were just beautiful!

But she wondered what Arthur was feeling at that moment, remembering his life as a doctor did cause him pain, but at this moment he was smiling, it must have been the nostalgia.

Arthur laughed, "based on the way your looking at me right now poppet and because of the articles we saw, I'd assume you're wondering if I'm ok with seeing all my stuff from the past" he stated

"Impressive deduction as always Arthur" Y/n said.

He thought about it a moment and said "luv, a few years ago I never would have thought about returning here, but meeting you a couple months back I feel like a changed and stronger man, honesty I did enjoy being a doctor back then so I've decided to find the courage to try re-doing my license and be a doctor again and don't worry about ol' Sherlock, he's not going anywhere, I'm still gladly writing and all progress I've made is because of you!"

They both smiled sweetly.

Y/n was glad Arthur was feeling better, it just wasn't fair that past demons would haunt him. Arthur briefly looked around his room then said "Alright, enough of the dreary talk of my past, let me show you some places I'd often frequent here in Edinburgh."

Y/n smiled and accepted his offer.

The two of them quickly came back to the beautiful paths of this sweet town and Y/n tried to look like she knew where she was going, but really only Arthur knew where he was taking her.

After some time and a bit of a walk, the two of them came to a very nice greenhouse.

The architecture was breathtaking and even the glass windows looked artistic.

"Welcome to the Royal botanic gardens", he announced as Y/n looked around in awe.

"Arthur! You studied botany? I never knew!" She exclaimed, looking around in astonishment, trying really hard to picture Arthur studying flowers and weeds.

Arthur laughing a bit at Y/n's cute reaction, "I sure did luv," he replied.

"That's both impressive and adorable Arthur," She remarked

"It means a world of good to hear you say that my pretty bird, your words are music to my ears, I do love hearing your voice luv," he teased.

"Arthur!" She said turning a bashful shade of pink.

Arthur smiled joyfully at her response.

"How about I show you around the garden Y/n," he laughed.

"I'd love that," she said.

Arthur showed her around the greenhouse with the large lily pads, he showed her where exotic plants like palm trees are, he showed her all the medicinal plants and herbs, and the beautiful but poisonous ones too.

Y/n learned so much by hearing Arthur talk about all his experiences.

Eventaully after a long day of walking around the garden they sat together on a bench and listened to the birds chirp and the bugs buzz.

"Today was so wonderful Arthur," said Y/n to him.

"I really hope so luv, I wish I could've introduced you to the people in my life today, but sadly they are all gone now, which means the only person you really met that had any sort of connection to me was Adam Worth," he sighed looking up at the sky, he continued "back during you're first month here, and I do apologize for that incident luv, oh how I wish I could've brought you home my family or introduce you to my favorite professor," he rambled.

"Arthur" Y/n said as she cuddled up close to him, she hated it when Arthur had any sort of regret, Y/n wished more than anything to alleviate any pain he felt.

But when she looked up at him, he smiled.

"Even though I can't do it in person, I'd still like to introduce you luv," he stated as he took out some photographs from his jacket pocket, "while you snooped around in my bedroom I grabbed these from my study," he explained joyfully.

He gave her one that depicted an older man, an older woman, and three children.

Arthur pointed to the older man and woman, "These are my parents, Charles Altamont Doyle and Mary Doyle," he explained, then paused a moment and continued "My father did care a lot for the family and my mum was always very sweet to us, it was because of her I gained my love of fudge," he remembered, he laughed a little and continued.

He pointed at the children in the photograph and said "The one in the middle is me, then there are my siblings Connie and Innes, great people but nothing like me, my brother even worked in military you know," he chattered.

Y/n was very glad to see his family, they all seemed to share the same warmth Arthur had to him.

They had his kind and intelligent eyes and his cheerful smile.

"They're wonderful Arthur, I'm glad I could meet them!" She said.

"I'm glad you could see them, oh but there's a few more people I would like you to meet," he said as he took out a few more photographs.

He gave her one depicting an older man.

"That's my former university professor, Joseph Bell, he is the reason Sherlock has his observation abilities," he said.

"I thought you modeled him after your own abilities of observation Arthur," Y/n asked.

Arthur smiled "where do you think I got them luv?" He playfully answered.

Y/n laughed at Arthur's remark, "you're adorable Arthur! I still think you just always had that ability," she replied.

Arthur hugged her in response.

"You really are the sweetest person in the world Y/n" he exclaimed.

"Aww, Arthur I love you so much!" Y/n said.

Arthur showed her his last photograph, it depicted a young man around Arthur's age.

Arthur looked at it and said "This was a close friend and classmate of mine, George Turnavine Budd, he stood by me even when my own medical practice was failing, he encouraged me to write saying I had a talent for it, that's when I wrote one of my first short stories, The Haunted Grange of Goresthorpe, using my knowledge of botany it was a failure of course, but George never let me quit writing, the only way I can describe his personality is a difficult mix of your's and Theo's personalities, an odd combination, yet I find myself missing him, I'm sure he would've adored living in the mansion with everyone," he finished.

"He sounds like such a good person, I wish he could've met everyone back at the mansion, I'm glad you had him in your life Arthur" Y/n replied

Arthur put the photographs away and said "It's alright luv, I'm glad I had him when I did, but now I'm just has happy as I was then having you and everyone else and I wouldn't trade it for anything," he stated.

"I'm so glad I came to Edinburgh Arthur, It's amazing here!" Y/n said.

"And I'm glad I brought you here luv!" Arthur replied.

As Y/n cuddled close to Arthur, he took the opportunity to put a necklace around her neck.

"Arthur! What's this?" Y/n asked.

"It belonged to my mum, and it has a flower design, a perfect present wouldn't you say?" He explained cheerfully.

"Arthur, thank you, it's beautiful! Are you sure?" Y/n asked.

"Most definitely luv, I want you to have a reminder of our trip here," Arthur explained.

He looked up and noticed the sky had turned orange and pink hues.

"Well luv, it's getting late, we should head back to my place, afterall tomorrow I'm showing you around where my elementary school was and to the university I went to!" Arthur explained cheerfully, "I can't wait Arthur!" Y/n exciamed.

The two headed back to the estate afterall tomorrow promised to be just as beautiful as today's experience.

[noxtms]

❝   WE DOUBT EVEN THE MOST SEASONED OF SEERS could have predicted the way that we would exit the dismal winter season ! spring is finally here, and though we’ve all been shaken by the events of the past three months, the wwn is here to remind you that while some things do change... there’s even more that doesn’t. a diagon alley staple, the start of spring festival, kicked off this week in a rather exciting fashion when the leprechauns employed by the ministry of magic to run their annual treasure hunt decided to take to the alley on the backs of some of the magical menagerie’s unmistakable lambs ! it took four aurors several hours to round them up again, and if you were wondering where your tax galleons were going, now seems a good time to remind you that it’s to that specialist department ! we’ve been assured that everything is now completely under control, and that the spring festival and the assorted st patrick’s day celebrations are expected to run without a hitch... and without any more runaway leprechauns, though i think i speak for everyone when i say that that’s something i’d kind of like to see for myself...   ❞

WHO, WHAT, WHEN, WHERE :  

there’s almost always some celebration or another taking place on diagon alley. as the heart of the british wixen world - and given the sheer number and variety of businesses and vendors all hoping to maximise their profits - they tend to take any opportunity that comes their way, as is their right.

the first START OF SPRING festival happened decades ago, and what it looks like often changes. the magical menagerie will always have baby chicks and tiny ducklings on front window display, and sometimes, you might just be able to get yourself a little pet lamb ( usually dyed an outrageous color ). the leaky cauldron will always serve meals heavy on the spring vegetables, and vendors along the alley will promise that the ones they’re selling are the very best type of hand picked organic. shops will slash their prices on certain items ( almost always the ones they haven’t managed to shift since the holiday season ), and there’s always little activity stands, for families and kids and really, anyone who wants to take part. learn how to make a crown from freshly picked wildflowers, or bet a sickle on which magic endowed butterfly will emerge from its cocoon first on the stand outside of gringott’s. try the specially themed ice creams at fortescue’s ( honey is particularly popular, at the start of the month ), and indulge in the feeling that springtime brings ! the days are getting longer, the air is thick the smell of freshly bloomed flowers, and life is... returning. it feels particularly poignant this year. 

as it turns out, no one is immune to the charms of the irish, either. the diagon alley celebrations probably started out drenched in irony, but they’ve become wildly separated from what they were originally attached to over the years - probably helped by the fact they blend so much with the spring time festivities. quality quidditch supplies almost always begins pushing their irish team merch in the leadup to the day, and the ministry employs real life leprechauns to do a kid’s treasure hunt with real leprechaun gold. there’s even vendors selling muggle beers to those above the legal age that they promise will give you an authentic irish experience - though, take my word for it : guinness doesn’t compare to a good old fashioned butterbeer.

the fun doesn’t stop as the week goes on, of course : on the day, families have been promised their annual little parade. little is the operative word, given it’s a bit of a tight squeeze - floats that actually float are decorated in garish greens and oranges & everyone is guaranteed a faceful of fast sticking confetti. if that doesn’t do it for you, there’s no need to worry. it wouldn’t be a proper irish celebration without an ‘all out bash’, and the leaky cauldron has flyers up from the start of march about their february 17th patrick’s day party. this year’ll be the first where they have to compete with the poison apple nightclub, of course, but... what do they really have, aside from their themed magical drinks ? 

OUT OF CHARACTER :

it’s a little on the nose, i won’t deny it : but a festival that really celebrates the everything that makes up the spring season, with a real special focus on the new life that it brings - really felt like a good place to start, this month. of course, i’ve also managed to throw in good ‘ol st paddy.. this may be a britain based rp, but who would i be if i were not constantly making ireland relevant ? we move in real time, which means that while all the little extras provide setting and content for threads, we won’t hit the end part, the party, until later on.

this event will be two weeks long, beginning officially on monday the 8th of march at 12:00am GMT - click this sentence to see what that works out at for your timezone ! 

you're under no obligation for the first week to pause any threads you currently have going - when we transition from general festival to final phase, we’ll take a little vote and we’ll see what the consensus is ! 

event related starters ( including private ones ) should be tagged with nox.event013, and the location is strictly diagon alley. please keep the galleon system in mind with these starters, since they can earn you points ! 

if you have any questions or concerns please do not hesitate to message the main, and please reply with your favorite holiday song once you’ve read the post !

[alovelylight]

(P/O) love is a wild thing

AO3

When Oliver sees Percy again, he is standing in front of the Woods’ cottage, legs plastered together in the most awkward stance Oliver has ever seen. From the side view, his fiery curls have grown longer and darker, but his freckles are mapped in the exact same places Oliver remembers.

“Percy?” he asks, careful not to stutter. Percy gives a slight jump at his voice.

“Oliver!” he says, turning towards him with a nervous smile. “I thought I would drop by to say hello—so, hello.”

Olivia tries hard not to stare at him. It’s unfair, really, how feelings can come rushing back at the slightest peek of him. George has warned him that Percy would return home from Oxford for two weeks, and since then he has been bracing himself against the inevitable.

“Well, hello,” says Oliver. It’s a deliberate choice not to pull him into a hug right away (which is what he would’ve done if he knows how to treat Percy as any other friend). “Do you want to come in?” It seems rude not to ask, especially when Percy took it in himself to come over.

“I don’t want to intrude...”

“Perce, we’ve known each other since we were four.”

Once they’re situated in the kitchen, there is more ease between them. Percy rambles on about his classes while Oliver prepares the tea, plain Earl Grey and peppermint, just the way it’s always been.

University has brought Percy even more out of his shell; he is surrounded by people—worldly and clever people—who loves to debate laws and regulations and abstract schools of thought as much as he does. Oliver is saddened by the thought that he no longer needs him, but sitting close to him and listening to him talk (even if he doesn’t always pay attention; Percy’s lips are always a lovely distraction) brings back fond memories.

“What about you?”

Oliver blinks. “Me?”

“Yeah,” he blushes, obviously embarrassed now. “What have you been up to?”

“Working at my dad’s auto repair shop. Keeps me busy. Other than that, I’ve been reading and, uh, writing a little.” He doesn’t mention the obvious: he has suffered from a broken leg right before he was supposed to embark on a rugby scholarship to Loughborough. Though he was forced to stay at home while his mates went off to various corners of Britain, he’s been gaining most of his mobility back over the past five months. Enough to get him off the crutches.

“Good for you.” Oliver searches for any hints of sarcasm in Percy’s tone, but he is beaming at Oliver as if he’s truly proud. As if his reckless injury never happened. “What have you been writing?”

“Nothing much to show, really,” he shrugs. “Do you remember all those murder mystery novels we used to trade?”

“How could I forget?” Percy smiles, revealing a few deep dimples that distract Oliver. “Is that what you’re writing—murder mystery stories?”

“With more queer representation, of course,” he says with a wry smile. “But I don’t know if they’re any good, and at this early stage I’m too shy to show anyone anything.”

“Oliver Wood, shy?” Percy raises his eyebrows. “What has the world come to?”

“I’m a man of surprise.”

“Evidently.” He takes a sip of his tea. “You can show me what you’ve written. If you want, I mean. I know I’ve got the reputation of a razor-tonged critic—”

“I distinctly remember you telling six-year-old Ron that his drawings look as if Satan possessed his body, got drunk off vodka-spiked slushies, and vomited all over the paper.”

“I’m always nice to you.” Percy taps Oliver’s feet with his own. “Besides, I was only ten. I’m a changed man now; I even stopped signing my name off in text messages.”

“I noticed,” Oliver laughs. “I wish you wouldn’t stop doing that. It was endearing.”

“Endearing?”

“Yeah, you know, cute.” He thanks the dark complexion he inherited from his dear mum for hiding his blush.

Percy’s eyes widen from behind his glasses. They’re still brilliantly, beautifully blue and Oliver hates him for it. “Listen, I hate to end this conversation, but I promised Mum I would be home for dinner. Can I see you tomorrow?”

“I can come by after work,” Oliver offers, trying not to sound too eager. “I haven’t been to your house since the twins’ birthday bash. I think everyone from that party got implicitly banned from entering again.”

Percy’s laugh leaves him feeling warm and tingly.

#

Percy’s room looks more or less the same. This is the domain of a boy with worlds at his disposal, tucked into neatly aligned novels and books of poems. A model of the solar system takes center stage on his desk. There is a cardboard cutout of Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy in the corner—a gag gift that Charlie knowingly got him on his fifteenth birthday—but everything else is nothing less than scholarly. Except, maybe, an IKEA candle burning on his bedside table.

Percy pats the spot beside him on the bed, and Oliver plops down next to him.

“Are you still dating Flint?” he asks Oliver, tilting his head in inquiry.

The question is unexpected enough to make Oliver feel hopeful. “Haven’t seen him since he went to Sheffield. We weren’t even dating, really, more like fooling around. He got bored while I was recovering. Good riddance, really. What about you? Are you seeing anyone?”

Please say no. “Not since Penelope. We’re mates now; we’ve been encouraging each other to participate in social events at Oxford and we live in different colleges so things don’t get too awkward.”

“That’s good to hear,” Oliver slowly nods, relieved by the news. These two weeks wouldn’t change a thing between him and Percy, but he feels better knowing that the object of his pining is unattached. “So. Anything planned to do while you’re crashing back home?”

“Spending time with family, mostly.” He winces. “God, I forgot what it’s like to live under the same roof as the twins. No peace or privacy. But I quite missed it, strangely enough. It’s also nice to catch up with Ron and Ginny, though Ron acts like I’m the dreaded third parent. But Ginny’s been sending me emails ever since I left; I think she thinks no-one at home has time to listen.”

“That’s lovely of her to write,” says Oliver. “I’ve been trying to keep in touch with you too, but after a while...”

“You don’t have to explain yourself.”

“No, wait.” Without thinking of the implications, his hand closes over Percy’s, which was lying on the space-patterned duvet between them. “Seeing as how we left things off, I thought it would be...well, I thought we needed some space.”

“I think about you every day, Oliver.”

“Y-You do?”

“Of course I do,” Percy says, colder this time. He pulls his hand free from under Oliver’s. He misses the warmth immediately. “When you keep ignoring my texts, I suspected that you wanted to forget about me, that you didn’t care about how I was doing. I don’t expect you to drop everything else to pay attention to me, of course not, seeing as you’re in recovery—but it still bloody stings.”

“Oh, fuck, Percy,” Oliver groans, “I’m so, so sorry. I thought—I thought I was doing you a favor. I mean, you’re brilliant. You’re brilliant and wonderful and you are going to take the world by storm. You don’t need a boy from home holding you back, you know?”

“That,” Percy narrows his eyes, “is the stupidest pile of shite I’ve ever heard.”

The profane remark is a hurtful surprise; Percy only swears while watching EastEnders or when he’s really upset. “I’ve been selfish, but not because I don’t love you enough,” says Oliver, gently. “It’s because I love you too much for my own sanity.”

It’s an overly dramatic declaration that belongs in a soap opera about infidelities among the rich, but he wouldn’t take it back if he could.

Percy gapes at him as if he’s gone mad. “Did it ever occur to you that I may love you too, you absolute idiot?”

Oliver couldn’t believe his own ears. “I’ve asked you out three times while we were at school. You’ve had plenty of time to prove that.”

“The first time, you were so intoxicated you forgot the word ‘date’—”

“Drunken me is still honest and true!”

“The second time was over text. With typos!”

Oliver squeezes his eyes shut. “That text took me about ten minutes to compose, and my fingers shook from the nerves. But the message was very clear.”

“Well, I thought you were teasing. Or drunk-texting. Or meant to send it to Flint or some other bloke.”

“But the third time,” Oliver insists, “couldn’t have been clearer. Face-to-face and sober and flowers in my hand and on your bloody doorstep while it was raining. And my hair was gelled. God, Percy, my hair was gelled.”

“I was at the brink of moving across the country.” He averts his eyes. “It wasn’t the right time. I can’t treat our relationship like a summer dalliance.”

“It never seems to be the right time, does it?” Oliver sighs, touching Percy’s hand again.

“I’m sorry, Ol.” Unexpectedly, he takes Oliver’s hand up to his lips to press a kiss against his fingers. “I’m really sorry.”

#

The kettle begins to boil in earnest just as the knocks on the front door become more and more insistent. Cursing under his breath—he had expected a free night in to work on his novel, it was raining after all—Oliver walks up to the door.

He is met with the sight of Percy Weasley, drenched in rain and armed with yellow flowers.

“These are for you, you’re welcome.” Percy hands the flowers to Oliver. Despite wilting from the rain, they're still very beautiful, which causes an unfair riot in his heart. “Jonquils. I think they signify love and desire? The florist could be spouting bollocks for all I know; she listened to me talk about you and chose these, so I hope you like them. Or don’t hate them, at the very least.”

“You know I love them. They’re from you, after all.” He looks at Percy in the eye and gives him a smile—tentative, slow. “And I know nothing about floral meanings, so you’re safe. Is this why you came? To give me a bouquet?”

“I noticed there’s a new natural history museum on Godric’s Road, but they still couldn't get a bloody planetarium.”

“Yeah, I know about that. I live in this town.”

“It still looks enticing. I thought we could go on our first date there, then get lunch at The Three Broomsticks and buy each other gifts from the bookshop like we used to.”

“Perce...I don't understand." He puts a hand on Percy's shoulder. "What changed?"

“Two weeks may not be much, but we’ve known each other our whole lives." Percy raises his chin in defiance. "Something as inconsequential as physical distance couldn’t stand against the both of us.”

Percy pushes their foreheads together until there is not so much as a breath between them. Hell, Oliver couldn’t even breathe. His heart gallops in his chest and his world narrows until there is nothing else outside the boy in front of him. “Are you going to take me to a planetarium next?” he asks with a chuckle. 

“If you’re ever so lucky.”

[tabloidtoc]

National Enquirer, September 21

You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Prince Andrew silences Jeffrey Epstein’s madam Ghislaine Maxwell

Page 2: Aubrey O’Day is unrecognizable in new photos of the apparently ballooning reality star walking her dogs and letting it all hang out -- the only way to identify the bulky body is from the dogs she’s walking and her signature neck and midriff tattoos

Page 3: Reese Witherspoon has been dragged into a bizarre divorce drama involving her mom and her accused bigamist dad and his second wife -- Reese has been helping her parents untangle the nightmare as they try to freeze out her dad’s ex 

Page 4: Jilted Jennifer Aniston feels stabbed in the back by Brad Pitt’s hot new romance with a married model less than half his age and now she’s banned him from her life for good -- Jen was completely sandbagged by Brad jetting off to France with Nicole Poturalski after she’s spent months supporting Brad through his divorce and custody battle with Angelina Jolie during secret meetings at both of their homes, Julia Roberts has moved her family to San Francisco but first she burned her bridges in Los Angeles by cutting ties with old pals

Page 5: Justin and Hailey Bieber bought their dream house for $25.8 million in the Beverly Park area of L.A. but their new neighbors are calling their arrival a nightmare -- residents including Eddie Murphy and Denzel Washington and Sylvester Stallone are less than thrilled with the new kids next door because this is an old-school crowd that prides itself on privacy and Justin’s clashes with previous neighbors and party-hearty reputation aren’t exactly a selling point and nobody wants to deal with his adolescent drama

Page 6: Brave Chadwick Boseman married longtime girlfriend Taylor Simone Ledward mere months before he lost his four-year battle with colon cancer to seal their love and ensure she’d be provided for when he was gone -- Chadwick was worth an estimated $12 million and was deeply grateful to Simone for staying by his side as he fought for his life -- Chadwick and Simone had an intimate ceremony witnessed by family at his home after he realized his personal fight was unwinnable 

Page 7: Gwen Stefani has reined in country stallion Blake Shelton and his buddies are complaining his new life has broke up the old gang -- Blake was once a fixture on the Nashville bar scene where he owns his honky-tonk Ole Red but Gwen has tightened the leash on her former fun-loving guy and he’s cut back big time -- Blake is trying to show Gwen he can be a responsible person and a good husband and stepfather to her kids, Bruce Willis and Demi Moore are planning to reunite as co-stars on Broadway -- Bruce has been speaking to producers about finding a project on the Great White Way and he’s been pushing for ex-wife Demi to join him 

Page 8: Prison-bound Lori Loughlin may serve time in a California town so ravaged by drugs it’s been dubbed Methville -- the convicted college admissions scammer has requested to do her two-month stint at the Federal Correctional Institution in Victorville where the drug scene could have been ripped straight out of Breaking Bad, Hollywood Hookups -- Liam Payne and Maya Henry are engaged, Becca Kufrin and Garrett Yrigoyen split, Trevor Noah and Minka Kelly are dating 

Page 9: Justin Hartley’s reality star ex Chrishell Stause is hell-bent on ditching any memories of their time together so she dumped his prized belongings in the trash -- because of Justin’s hasty departure Chrishell was left with many of his belongings including watches and clothes and CDs and books and other items of sentimental value and he wanted them dropped off or mailed back to him but Chrishell demanded he meet her in person for a face-to-face drop-off where they could clear up some lingering issues but Justin never showed and she decided to treat his stuff like they said he treated her and she tossed it out

Page 10: Hot Shots -- Kristen Taekman exercising in Malibu, Jason Momoa at a Hollywood juice bar, Rob Schneider performed at a drive-in show in Ventura, Brian Austin Green got an eyeful of cheeky galpal Tina Louise 

Page 11: Prince Harry and Meghan Markle will launch their megabucks production deal with a tribute to his beloved mother Princess Diana -- Harry doesn’t want Diana’s memory to fade and wants to create a definitive work to honor her and he’d be able to share the intimate memories only he knows in a way that’s never before been seen -- Queen Elizabeth and Prince Charles are sure to be devastated by this; they’re happy for Harry to forge a new path and live his own life as long as he leaves them out of it 

Page 12: Straight Shuter -- Bradley Cooper on the set of Paul Thomas Anderson’s latest film (picture), Jennifer Lopez is the hardest working person in show business and expects the same work ethic from fiance Alex Rodriguez and wants him to get out of the house and get a job, Ellen DeGeneres wants her talk show to be more diverse and give lesser-known celebrities exposure plus the show will have more regular guests such as ordinary people doing extraordinary things especially in communities of color and guests will no longer be encouraged to flatter Ellen’s ego, Madonna celebrated her 62nd birthday with her 26-year-old boyfriend Ahlamalik Williams and they’re talking marriage 

Page 13: Rihanna said she’s forgiven her ex-boyfriend Chris Brown for brutally attacking her and that she still truly loves him

Page 14: Crime -- gruesome unsolved murders and mysterious suicides and head-scratching accidents contributed to a staggering 142 deaths in just four years at the U.S. Army’s Fort Hood in Texas 

Page 16: American Life -- my night of terror with Hurricane Laura 

Page 17: Ailing rocker Ozzy Osbourne swears he’ll have to be carried offstage before he retires, country legend Loretta Lynn set some tongues wagging when she announced she had tied the knot with Kid Rock but it was just a joke while they were both attending the vow renewal ceremony of Loretta’s son and his wife 

Page 18: Jason Aldean’s Nashville watering hole is a hotbed of brutal brawling that left one man with a permanently maimed mug according to accusations in court documents -- in 2020 alone a whopping five lawsuits seeking up to $5.55 million in total damages have been filed against Jason Aldean’s Kitchen and Rooftop Bar 

Page 19: Carrie Underwood’s happy home life may be on thin ice as husband Mike Fisher is eyeing a return to the hockey rink -- after being holed up during the pandemic in Tennessee and driven crazy by Carrie’s obsessive-compulsive ways Mike is considering a coaching gig and has even entertained offers from his native Canada 

Page 22: Tyler Perry who was once penniless and homeless is officially a billionaire according to Forbes magazine -- Tyler overcame some of life’s greatest hardships and is a great example of how determination and hard work can lead to success 

Page 24: Carol Burnett was named temporary guardian of her teenage grandson after alleging that his mom is a hopeless drug addict -- the 87-year-old comedy legend and her third husband Brian Miller will have custody of 14-year-old Dylan through January 8, 2021

Page 28: Cover Story -- Sex pervert Jeffrey Epstein’s accused madam Ghislaine Maxwell is spilling her guts to prosecutors about some of the world’s most powerful men but she won’t rat out Britain’s Prince Andrew and that could torpedo the feds’ attempts to grill the prince about his friendship with the billionaire pedophile -- she’s petrified that if she talks the all-powerful royal family will have her murdered because she’s convinced the royals ordered a prison hit on Epstein 

Page 32: Disgraced chef Paula Deen has been tightening her belt since the collapse of her multimillion-dollar empire -- 7 years after cooking her own goose by making racist comments and condoning porn in the workplace the loss of her Food Network show along with several corporate sponsors has pushed Paula to pull in the purse strings, Shania Twain wants to celebrate her upcoming tenth wedding anniversary with husband Frederic Thiebaud by renewing their vows -- the couple hopes pandemic restrictions are relaxed in time for their January 1 anniversary as they plan to invite close friends and family to a bash in the Bahamas 

Page 36: Bloated brothers-in-law Rob Kardashian and Kanye West are bonding over blubber and the portly pals have committed to work together in their battle against the bulge -- Kanye is impressed with Rob’s recent 30-pound drop and has begged him for weight-loss advice -- Kanye hopes that cutting the fat will prove to his wife that he’s committed to self-improvement, Brooks Laich is trying to swing another round on the dance floor with his estranged wife Julianne Hough by offering her an open marriage and Julianne seems very open to the idea -- they’ve been a lot happier lately and more relaxed and the sparks seem to be back between them 

Page 38: Health 

Page 42: Red Carpet -- Elizabeth Debicki 

Page 45: Spot the Differences -- Joy Bauer 

Page 47: Odd List -- the mayor of Danbury in Connecticut jokingly renamed the sewage plant after John Oliver