#got cassette beasts its fun enough

[femmefaggot]

if we havent talked to u kno it isnt personal dont think weve said more than 3 things a day to anyone the past week

[splashink-games]

Cassette Beasts?

Cassette Beasts is a creature-collecting game by Bytten Studio! Record monsters on tapes, become a Ranger, and find the way off of New Wirral in this amazing adventure!

Spoilers below the cut!!

So I had a plan to write this review before I even finished the game. It was just that good. But! I managed to hold off until I at least finished the main game. Next goal: 100% and DLC! And also buying the OST when I have the chance.

Now, I'm not putting this off until the middle of the review: every musical track in this game is a certified banger. I absolutely loved the music of the game. As one person put it (while I was looking for the OST), I just didn't get tired of the music. And that's a pretty big win for a game where you have so, so many encounters and only a handful of tracks to play.

The way they implement the music is also impressive because it's narratively important. The lyrics work their way in when a fusion happens and during big story battles. The town theme's music plays when you're indoors. Plus the lyrics just feel right with its tones and atmosphere. Also the difference between the few main battle themes is just enough for one to feel more tense/exciting than the others. Just an overall great thing they have going on with the audio.

Okay with that out of the way!

Cassette Beasts is a solid game, actually pretty high tier.

Mechanically, I've seen people compare it to Pokemon. I feel like it's like a mix of Pokemon and Persona. You can record the monsters, remaster (evolve) them at five stars, with some having having special evolution requirements. Monsters can show up as bootlegs, where they're a type other than its base type, which is just like shiny hunting but more (cause there's like 12 types). And I've already killed a plastic bootleg by accident...

The moves (stickers) are mix and match, mostly according to typing. I'm pretty into it cause I love giving my party members all sorts of type coverage. I haven't particularly gone into finding weird strategies yet other than AP Refund, but I can see some cool ones thanks to needing to battle all 12 Ranger Captains.

And then you can fuse! Which I thought was interesting, and it adds an ace to go to when you're in a pinch. But you fusing means that wild monsters (and other rangers) can fuse too. Those provide some fun challenges and opportunities to find bootlegs, plus progression in post-game.

Did I mention that this game is also like a Metroidvania? Capturing certain monsters gives up to 6 overworld movement abilities and I think that's pretty neat. All of them have their uses and none of them are niche, which is a win.

The story was pretty interesting! Dropping in onto a mysterious island and trying to find a way back home is nice and simple and all the detail added around it make it engaging. The Archangels are wildly uncomfortable which I didn't expect and I loved it. Despite loving it, it still did come out of nowhere but greatly forgiven because it was right at the start (and not some random turn in the middle).

The pacing was a bit off for me though because I got like 5 out of 8 song pieces before I even defeated 4 captains or even met all the partner characters. I also don't know how relationship progress works other than fight things and rest. Thinking about it now, there's probably a reason why there a speedrun timer in that you don't have to play through all the content (8/9 archangels, no captains?), I guess.

I liked the references to all sorts of topics throughout the story and I think it's pretty interesting for the characters to be from different timelines. It makes it easy to explain weird inconsistencies.

Funny thing I did by accident for end game's story: I switched out Meredith's Regensea with an Aeroboros cause I wanted her starter in my party. And boy did that choice bite back later lol.

Graphics are also solid. The 3D world with 2D sprites reminds me of Octopath Traveller. I appreciate the non-pixel portrait art for the characters, but I would've liked it either way. The designs of the monsters and the characters are all great! Honestly, I should take some notes from them since even if there's 15+ characters, they still all have very specific designs and personalities to match.

The detail in the world is great too, like the light reflecting off the puddle or the fog that rolls in and the rain. So like weather in general.

Also, as a note just for me, I liked the fonts and font effects that they used. Very cool.

Cassette Beasts is a quality creature-collecting game! If you need another Pokemon/Digimon/Persona, here's a game for you. Or if you just want a cool turn-based RPG with cool music, that's cool too.

As always,

Enjoy gaming!

[vaugarde]

another thing i really love about cassette beasts is like, yes its very obviously got pokemon influence even when you ignore that theyre from the same genre (and i gotta stress INFLUENCE here, not ripoff) but its also got enough content to stand on its own feet. like this isnt just “pokemon to the left”, its a character focused survival story focused on helping out the community and doing your part, that involves connections and fusions and an entire overworld full of puzzles and quests. its a ton of fun

[blueikeproductions]

Transformers EarthSpark has been a fun ride so far. Easily the best cartoon we’ve had since Beast Wars and Animated (anyone who knows me knows why I don’t lump Prime and Cyberverse in that category), it’s full of heart, actual characters, and an intriguing concept in the Terrans and what they represent in a post war, trapped on Earth situation.

I’ve always had mixed opinions on a repentant Megatron, and while I think MTMTE managed to make it work (albeit not without some cheating), Cyberverse completely fumbled that concept, so I wasn’t sure about a similar repentant Megatron working with the Autobots here. Thankfully it’s handled surprisingly very well, and I think it helps that on top of not dwelling on the specifics too much, this Megatron is actually quite friendly and chipper. This is a Megatron who genuinely and sincerely believes in cooperation and isn’t hampered by millennial depression (MTMTE), stereotypical Twit/Tum unhinged villain blinded by ego and pride that just needs a hug and kisses troupe (Cyberverse), and is willing to put aside old grievances for the betterment of Transformers and humans on Earth. This is not without its conflict as Megatron harbors some resentment to GHOST and their treatment of renegade Decepticons (shown in particular when he and Optimus are trying to wrangle the cassettes), but still believes in the Earth-Cybertron Alliance through the Maltos.

The Maltos are also a fun return to human allies that I’ve missed since RiD15 and Bumblebee. The kids and their bond with the Terrans are handled well, kind of a Pokémon/Digimon/Bakugan style bond that I adore, Dot’s friendship with Megatron and slight disdain for Optimus is hilarious in a meta sense and Alex is just a delight. I’m a sucker for unapologetically, openly nerdy characters and Alex tics all those boxes for me. His growing friendship with Bumblebee is also very sincere and sweet, despite his quirky fanboy habits.

Bumblebee reprising his reluctant leadership/mentor role is really fun too. As a huge RiD15 fan, it’s really cool to see concepts from that revived (so when can we expect EarthSpark Steeljaw? 👀), and in a way I’d argue the concept is a little better here. Thrash and Twitch are more curious little kids vs Sideswipe and Strongarm’s teenage shenanigans, so seeing Bee have to gently wrangle “little kids” as a well meaning but slightly put upon teacher and annoyed uncle figure is a fun pivot to the dynamic.

I’d say RiD15 and now EarthSpark Bumblebee are hands down my favs (outside G1 Bee). Somewhat surprised Will Friedle didn’t reprise the role, as we got Steve Blum back as Starscream. Ah well. I like Huey Duck being the voice here all the same.

This is hands down the best Optimus we’ve had in a long time. The dorky dad that can crack a joke and be strong enough to be gentle was sorely missed and his triumphant return is the first time I’ve enjoyed an Optimus again since Cybertron Optimus and Animated Optimus. So for me personally it’s been a looooong while. Way too long. It’s also the first time I’ve liked a modern Optimus design. It’s the right amount of stylization and hybridization, being more of a pleasing blend of G1 and Cyberverse. I know his face was a meme for awhile, but I actually quite like his face, and I think it helps that this Optimus also has more range than “stoic old man”, so having a more stylized and expressive face really works here.

Mandroid is also a fun villain in the absence of a primary Decepticon leader atm. He is a great blend of Dr. Archevil and Circuit Breaker, and a very threatening presence we haven’t had since Dr. Morocco (and to a lesser extent Cilas). He’s not used as much as I would’ve expected to be honest, and while there’s still plenty of episodes to go, I’m surprised his ability to lobotomize Decepticons into doing his bidding isn’t played up more. He only does it once, and immediately goes into trying to harvest parts and relying on his ArachniMechs. I love the spider bots, and I enjoy that they have personality despite being mute, but it still seems odd to have Mandroid be able to control Decepticons but abandon the idea just as quickly vs easily defeated spiderbots. Still very interested to see where they take him.

I was worried Thrash and Twitch were going to be the only Terrans, but thankfully we got more in Hashtag, Jawbreaker and Nightshade. I’d say out of the bunch Twitch, Hashtag and Jawbreaker feel the most fleshed out. Twitch goes through the most development and gets the most focus, Hashtag has a very loud, excitable personality that’s hard to ignore, and Jawbreaker is a lovable dimbulb. Thrash … just kinda exists. His spotlight episode with Mo and Swindle I felt was the weakest episode, cast as the dorky, semi impulsive kid brother who doesn’t seem to grow beyond that. His relationship with Mo is very sweet, but that’s really all he has going for him and I hope that changes. When compared to his more “accomplished” sister Twitch, he has nothing… Nightshade has a similar problem, where I do like them quite a bit, but for better or worse, their only noteworthy thing is being the first non-binary Transformer in a kids cartoon, with the brief pronoun bit being held under unfortunate scrutiny by some factions. What I can glean is they’re very theatric, chipper, loyal, but also easily intimidated as Nightshade was scared of Mandroid. I hope Nightshade, like Thrash, gets better screen time and more to do so they can better prove themselves and become one of the standout characters. (I also hope they have a Beast Mode. What little is seen of their non Protoform Robot Mode implies a bat motif, but they may just be a car or jet in the end as of typing). Hashtag they clearly have the most fun with, with her bombastic personality. It looks like she may Transform into a car, which I’m not sure I like, because I liked Thrash and Twitch’s bike and drone modes as something more unique for Terrans. But I think I may have expected something else because her name is Hashtag and that has associations with phones and computers. If she were to have a Beast Mode, I would’ve leaned into a cat for LOLCAT shenanigans, lol. Her regular Robot Mode also seems a little plainer than I would’ve expected, looking like a recolor-retool of Bumblebee which gives me bad CV Lockdown vibes, but that’s me being nitpicky.

I have noticed an observation pointed out to me that EarthSpark isn’t really being talked about in any major capacity. I’d argue that it was, it’s just we only at 10 episodes and people greatly enjoyed them and already said what they needed to say. If I were to pick it apart, I feel like possibly the reason it’s not being discussed too much now is because the only “good” episodes for some are the first episode, the Soundwave episode and the “season finale”, as those seemed to be discussed at great length at the time, while the remaining episodes were just the kids and Terrans screwing around with guest characters and weren’t … as strong or memorable. All fine episodes, the Wheeljack episode is a personal fav, but I guess they’re not quite what people expect from Transformers either which feeds into lack of discussion. There’s also the TF YouTube which has been spamming streams of Robots in Disguise 2015 and Cyberverse every day, and barely advertises EarthSpark… Most of the recent clips are from Prime and Beast Wars which isn’t helping… The toys also aren’t out yet my way as of typing, so maybe having the toys out will help?

[altschmerzes]

book club with gav! book 1: a wrinkle in time.

a wrinkle in time by madeleine l'engel

okay so i read this for the first time a long time ago, when i was a kid. and when i say 'read' i mean 'listened to as a book on tape' because that's how i read a lot of books for a while, and i do mean Book On Tape, as in cassette tape, in my little walkman. i remembered liking it but wasn't sure how it was gonna hold up reading it as an adult. i started reading it again recently because i found it on my shelf, having got it for a college class in undergrad and then..... not read it at the time when i should've, lmao, as one does sometimes. and also because they quoted a really impactful scene in it in ted lasso in a way that ended up reverberating out through the character who quoted it's entire arc in both seasons. with that in mind i was like huh, let's re-experience this.

OVERALL IMPRESSION: it did hold up. it was simply written, obviously, but smartly written, in a way that didn't talk down to its audience. the protagonist, meg murry, was a delight in all that she was a mess, and i found her deeply relatable. the other characters were fun and memorable, and i appreciated how truly otherworldly the... otherworldly places and characters really did feel. there were some things i didn't totally love but for the most part they were like. personal preference type things, and i can definitely step back and acknowledge those. there were a couple of other minor things that felt weird from a more general level - the design of one minor character had a Weird Vibe for example - but those were small and i don't think i can remove them from the context of it being written in like. the 60s. i don't do well with number out of number ratings, but overall i was incredibly intellectually invested in and emotionally moved by this book. i enjoyed it quite a lot, and would love to read it to my kids when they're old enough to enjoy it.

gonna go into some specifics now, which include major spoilers, and goes on for a while, so under a cut it goes.

characters - i fucking loved the three mrs. they ruled. they were so completely not human in a way that can be VERY hard to nail, especially with a children's book. the beasts were the same. i loved the whole thing about how they could NOT comprehend sight and seeing and descriptions of things that way because their species don't have eyes - their whole planet is grey and nondescript. meg herself was a delight of a protagonist and i can understand why i was so taken by her when i was a kid. she's... not really very pleasant a lot of the time. she gets in fights at school, and she doesn't try in classes she feels are stupid so why bother. she feels out of place in her family. she's not as smart as her parents or her littlest brother, and she's not normal like the twin middle brothers. charles wallace was INTERESTING. i'm not sure how well he came across as a small child, but i also don't know how true to his age he was SUPPOSED to come across, either. so that's fine. calvin got me good this time. i really did forget how direct and clear it is that he's being abused at home, and that got me a LOT this time around. the bit at the end where they came back and the family pulled him into their hug, and the mom gave him 'an extra hug, just for him' was gutting in a good way. maaaan. and the dad...... oof. that's what i'll talk about next i think.

i think one of the major themes of this book, maybe THE most impactful thing in it to me, was like. the theme of meg wanting so badly for the adults to fix things, for her dad to make everything better. the entire time we're searching for him, going through the other worlds, meg is thinking okay we'll find dad and everything will be fine. he'll fix it. he'll make it better. charles wallace gets overtaken by IT and she still just keeps telling herself as long as they can find mr murry, things will be okay. and then it just... isn't. he can't fix it. he can't make it better. he can't snap his fingers and make it all go away, he can't do anything about it, in fact. her father, this titan in her mind, is just as helpless as the rest of them, and learning this is like..... it's devastating and enraging to meg. she lashes out at him for it, she hates him for a bit because of how completely helpless he is. and oh my gd that felt real. that whole process of realizing that the adults can't save you, they can't snap their fingers and make everything okay. which brings us to the like, the best moment in the book, the whole... fulcrum of it, where charles wallace has been taken over by IT, the malicious hive mind type monster that's in charge of the darkness that's spreading, and their dad isn't strong enough to go back for him. the mrs can't. calvin can't. meg realizes this all at once and has a FIT about it, saying that she can't go, she knows they want her to, but she can't. and she has to be the one to decide to go, because they won't ask her to.

and it's like..... meg isn't okay with going. she isn't happy about it. she doesn't feel brave or strong - one of the mrs asks her directly, do you feel brave enough to go alone? and she says no. she doesn't. but she has to do it anyway. hough. HOUGH. and when she does get to him, and IT tells her that the conformity of camazots, the sameness of camazots, is what keeps it safe and happy, and she tells him that no, it doesn't, it doesn't keep ANYONE safe OR happy if they aren't really people, man. that scene is a lot. what finally does it, the way she finally gets her brother away from IT, isn't by outsmarting IT or fighting IT. it's by telling charles wallace that she loves him. which is predictable, but that's fine. it's a children's story. and it's a good one. predictable isn't bad.

the....... AMOUNT AND EXTENT OF JESUS. IN THIS BOOK. is something i did NOT see coming, and i didn't really love half the time, but it was honestly fine. personal preference. authors are allowed to write stories where there's some jesus in there, it legitimately doesn't bother me on any kind of inherent or fundamental level. and i actually liked it about half the time. i like a story with some jesus in there, when it's executed well! i like stories that talk about faith, that talk about religion and what it means to people and why. and how. the points where the christology gets elevated and it goes from a personal/individual faith based perspective to otherworldy beings knowing about His Love, that gets to be a bit much for me, but again that's a personal preference. people are allowed to write that sort of story, and it wasn't at all overwhelming or frequent. that came up like. once. twice maybe. it was fine, and i'm still fine with the idea of reading it to my jewish children.

[novelconcepts]

I love your filling in of the moonflower scene. Just the tenderness of it all 🥺

Do you think you might write a short piece about Dani finding the first grey in Jamie‘s hair in the future? Every time I see the gifsets of Jamie‘s (very sexy) grey strands I have to think about Dani‘s possible reaction

Jamie doesn’t tend to notice these things--little changes in her own appearance, little alterations made by the simple passage of time. Her attention, she scoffs when Dani laughs over her failing to pick up on a burr caught in her hair after a trip to the park, is better suited to other things. “World’s big,” she says, tilting her head to allow Dani to comb the remnants of whatever tree she’d walked beneath from her curls. “Why should I go wasting time starin’ at my own damn face?”

“Because it’s a good face,” Dani tells her. She doesn’t add that Jamie’s face, like everything about her, makes more sense than the rest of the world. That nothing about Jamie seems to come out of nowhere--every scrape and scar is accounted for with a story, every wrinkle turned out from the edge of her lips or around her eyes sparked by the familiarity of her frown, the inevitability of her smile. Everything about Jamie can be traced back to the honesty of time spent in the sun, or injuries incurred at work, or letting another year stroke its fingers across her skin. 

She notices the first gray hair maybe five years in. They’re on a camping trip, small tent pitched just upshore of a gently lapping brook; Jamie, crouched beside the water to inspect a turtle, looks up with a grin, and Dani notes a flash of silver at the crown of her head.

She doesn’t point it out. It’s too easy to anticipate Jamie’s amused drawl: “Got a gorgeous beast right here, and you’re worried about my hair?” She tucks the knowledge safely away, entertained by the idea that Jamie is carrying a secret upon her own head and has no idea.

She says nothing, but her fingers seek out the unexpected silver the next time Jamie comes close enough. She trails her hand through rumpled hair, watching the familiar warmth of brown cascade across her skin, pleased to find several more bursts of light wound in among the dark.

“What?” Jamie asks, smile crooking the way it always does when she senses Dani is about to poke fun. “Bein’ a weirdo again.”

“Am not,” Dani replies, and kisses her. 

It becomes a bit of a private game, an amusing turn of events: Jamie, the most naturally-observant human being in the world, has absolutely no idea she’s shot through with unexpected arcs of silver. No idea at all. At first, Dani thinks she’s intentionally ignoring the color leaching out of her hair; a flash of memory spirals back, Judy plucking what she called my little secret out by the strand and holding a finger to her lips as she reached for a box of red dye. Heavy maintenance is very much not Jamie’s speed, but maybe turning her cheek and feigning ignorance achieves the same goal.

A month goes by. A year. They’re turning up on their own time, these pops of colorless strands standing stark against dark waves, and Dani takes it upon herself to brush her fingers across each one she finds. She likes very much the depth they bring to Jamie’s hair, the way the sun catches a little differently when she turns her head. Likes the knowledge that each strand is a stamp of memory--proof of time spent. 

Likes, most of all, that Jamie legitimately seems to have no idea. Jamie, who tugs a black elastic band off her wrist with her teeth, raking the messy tumble out of her eyes, perpetually annoyed with the curls that always seem to evade her hands. Jamie, who spends hours with a book in one hand and Dani’s hair sifting through her fingers, and still has absolutely no clue what’s happening on her own head.

“You’ve never cared, have you?” Dani asks one afternoon, watching Jamie sort through their spectacular collection of cassette tapes, little plastic cases clicking comfortably to break up the quiet. Jamie, cross-legged on the living room rug with Survivor’s Vital Signs in one hand and REO Speedwagon’s Hi Infidelity in the other, raises her eyebrows.

“Seemed silly to go alphabetical while they were multiplying like fuckin’ bunnies, but now we’ve slowed down a little--”

“About looks,” Dani corrects. She’s hanging half off the couch, the tips of her fingers brushing Jamie’s knee. Life has been getting less predictable lately, messier around the edges; she looks into mirrors with breath held tight in her lungs, uncertain of what will look back. Touching Jamie has become less about habit and more a matter of lifeline. “You’ve never cared about how you look. Maybe the only woman I’ve ever known to say that.”

“I care,” Jamie says, with very little defensiveness. It is astonishing sometimes, looking back at the woman she’d met in that manor kitchen, how little defense Jamie seems to have for her these days. Questions are met in good faith, answered in kind, like Jamie knows there’s nothing Dani could ask that would intentionally bear teeth. “Care when I need to.”

“Like when?”

“At the shop,” Jamie says, tossing aside a Paul Simon cassette with a wrinkle of her nose. She finds Pat Benatar instead, sets it in the pile between The Beatles and Blondie. “Always look professional, don’t I?”

“But you don’t like--think about it? What you’ll look like in twenty years? Or fifty?”

“Fifty, Christ.” Jamie rolls back her head, grinning. “Be a hell of a thing, stacking fifty more years on. What d’you think you’ll look like in fifty years, mm?”

Dani doesn’t answer. It’s too early to tell what the smudged face in the mirror might mean--too early to panic--but the idea of fifty years more with Jamie seems terrifyingly unlikely. 

“Anyway.” Seeming to sense her unease, Jamie rocks up onto her knees, awkwardly shifting across the rug to lean against the couch. She braces a hand behind Dani’s head, her eyebrow arched. “You tryin’ to say I don’t pay enough attention to my looks? I don’t scrub up enough for you, is that it?”

Her fingers brush Dani’s ribs, digging in just hard enough to tickle. Dani squirms, laughter burbling out against Jamie’s neck. 

She doesn’t bring it up again, preferring the secret of Jamie’s slowly graying hair held within her own heart. The threads are becoming more insistent as the years drift by, joining tiny lines etched into Jamie’s skin. Her hands, put through so much work, are comfortably worn at knuckle and fingertip. Her smile pulls the skin around her eyes a little tighter as they celebrate eight years--nine--ten. 

She looks good with the extra age, Dani thinks. She wears it all so well, without pausing to prod at herself in the bathroom mirror; if she’s the least bit unnerved by the passage of time, she never lets it show. If Dani didn’t know better, she’d think Jamie never really looks at herself in the mirror at all. 

Too busy looking at me, she thinks, and tries not to ache at the idea that Jamie has forgotten herself beneath the need to keep her attention on what she considers more important things. Like watching for one of Dani’s moods to spike up in public. Like waiting for Dani’s shoulders to hunch against ghosts only she can see. 

Dani doesn’t look into mirrors herself much these days, either--though, every once in a while, a glimpse will sneak up. Just the barest flash of her own face in the passenger mirror of the car, or the idling bathwater. Sometimes--less and less often--the face waiting is even her own. 

It is so her own, those days, that Dani finds herself embracing a new concern. Something odd, something she’s only started to really see in recent memory. 

Jamie is starting to show her age, little by little. Not all at once, not in any way that is strange for a woman creeping into her forties--but the years are there, certainly, stamped gently into her skin. The years are threaded through her hair, these silver pops around which Dani’s hands seem to take on a mind of their own. There’s something wonderful, lively, even sexy about the way time is impacting Jamie--grounding her a little more every year, the natural wearing of all those hours hung like medals around her shoulders. 

Dani, catching sight of herself in the bathtub, can’t help but notice: no one could say the same for her. Not that time is beating away at her, not that time is turning her to stone before she’s ready--but that time appears to be doing nothing at all. Her eyes bear no extra marks, though she has spent just as much time as Jamie laughing, frowning, holding her breath as the world spins beneath her. Her hands look just the same as they had in 1987. 

Her hair is still stubbornly gold.

“Do you think it’s strange?” she whispers one night--not entirely sure if Jamie is even awake, not sure she can even bear the answer Jamie might give. 

“What is?”

She swallows hard, fingers carding gently through Jamie’s hair. The gray seems to gleam in the glow of the streetlamp through their window. 

“That I’m not...that I don’t look...”

Jamie pushes onto one elbow, peering at her in the dark. “You look like you,” she says, when Dani is unable to press on. “You look like Dani.”

She’s trying to answer the other question, Dani understands, the one being asked with greater frequency: am I here? am I me? what if I’m her, deep down, and have been all along? She shakes her head. 

“That’s not...I’m not...”

Jamie waits, brow knit the way it always has when she’s listening. Even when her expression smooths out into sleep, that small divot will remain, etched into her skin like a tattoo memorializing all these late-night conversations. Dani reaches up, presses her thumb gently to it now, her breath hitching when Jamie turns to kiss her palm. 

“It’s nothing,” she says. There’s no way to explain it without making Jamie worry more, worry again, lose yet more sleep watching for signs Dani is slipping away.

Jamie nods slowly, not quite believing, not quite daring to call out the lie. “All right,” she says, and the silver in her hair seems to burn, and Dani loves her enough to close her eyes and pretend everything is okay.

When morning comes, she wards off the thoughts. It’s easier, in daylight. Easier to turn her head, fix her eyes on Jamie, allow the familiarity of Jamie’s hands, smile, kiss sweep the fear back under the bed. The nights are long, the dark heavier than it has any right to be, but in sunlight, Jamie shines. The chain around her neck--the colors in her eyes--the silver shot through her hair. In sunshine, Jamie is the most alive any person can be.

And if she is, so must Dani be--because there is so much love in the way Jamie tips into her arms, so much affection in the sweep of her kiss, in the way she leads them around the kitchen in an impromptu waltz. Jamie, as always, burning away the shadows. 

Jamie, who dips her backward, drinking in her laughter with the biggest grin in the world. Who cuts her eyes to the right. Who tightens her mouth in surprise.

“Hang on,” she says, her hands still braced at Dani’s back and hip. “What the fuck is this?”

Dani’s heart gives a giant leap, her hands clutching at Jamie’s shirt for balance. This is it, she thinks. She can see her now. She can see her, not me, and it’s over, it’s all over, it’s--

“Dani.” Jamie is frowning, easing her back to her feet. She crouches down, gazing into the window of the oven. One hand rises to her head, her brow furrowed.

She sees her, Dani thinks, backing toward the sink. She sees her, and--

“Jesus, how long has my hair looked like that?” 

She blinks, shaking the panic away. “What?”

Jamie is looking at her, almost awestruck, her face clean and younger than usual with the last vestiges of sleep clinging to her eyes. “All that gray. Knew there were one or two, but--”

Dani is laughing. Leaning back against the counter, the mirth spilling out of her, she laughs. Jamie, straightening up with a low groan--her knees pop audibly, her head shaking--looks bewildered.

“Suppose you thought you’d just wait,” she says dryly, “and see if I ever noticed?”

Dani nods, cackling too hard to answer. It’s become so normal, counting the bright bursts amid Jaime’s natural hair color; she’s honestly forgotten Jamie ever didn’t have these silver sparks. Every inch of her, from the crow’s feet etched near her eyes to the tiny scars on her hands, is quite simply home. 

Jamie is plainly trying to look grumpy now, her hand tangling her hair. With Dani giggling like this, unable to catch her breath, she isn’t doing a very good job.

“Been this way a while?”

“Years,” Dani giggles. “Since I proposed. Before.”

Jamie rolls her eyes, slouching the two steps it takes to reach the counter and Dani’s shaking frame. “You,” she says in a mock-irritated tone, “are supposed to help with these things.”

“With what?” Dani brushes the hair back from her eyes. “You’re beautiful. And more than that, you’re...stately.”

“Stately,” Jamie repeats with a snort. “Haven’t heard that one. That’s a Hannah word, if ever there was one.”

They sober, just a little, the appropriate affection offered to memory. Jamie’s head bows against her own, her nose brushing Dani’s lightly. 

“I like it,” Dani says, her voice soft. “I like watching it happen. Like growing old...”

She trails off. She isn’t growing old, is the thing. Isn’t changing. Is as incontrovertible as a lake set into ancient grounds. She is not growing old at all.

Jamie’s fingers curl around her chin, tipping her head back. “Growing old together,” she says, firmly. Not denial, exactly--just certainty. Jamie, imposing her will on a world that tries so hard to have its own way with them both. 

“Growing old together,” Dani repeats, and even if it isn’t true in the strictest sense--even if it doesn’t look like it should--she knows Jamie believes it. Knows Jamie will fight tooth and nail to make the universe bend around her love. 

There are things, Jamie believes, that are natural. Organic. Exactly as they should be. There are things that can’t be changed by dreams, whims, magic spells. 

They will grow old together. That is, Jamie believes, the way the world works. The way it has always been and will always be. Jamie’s hair grows silver. Jamie’s skin etches with lines. Jamie’s hands are solid in her own, though she sometimes bends her fingers with a grimace, rubs her wrists when the weather angles toward snow. 

They will grow old together. For Jamie, there is simply no other consideration to be made.

“I like it,” Dani repeats, fingering the nearest strand of gray. “It’s distinguished.”

Jamie, shaking her head, is grinning as she leans in for a kiss.

[theangrypokemaniac]

Ma adopts the classic pose of a Lady by gathering her hands together, for that speaks of breeding. Look at Renaissance portraiture and you'll find many a predecessor doing alike.

When at ease, Pa puts his hands behind him, as they teach a gentleman to behave. Prince Philip also follows the rule in part thanks to the hard discipline of a naval career.

On Ma her waist is a deeper red, as that's the shadow cast by her...blessings.

In a similar fashion, the ideal build of a man is a flat stomach and broad chest, and Pa's pecs extend so much the rest of him is thrown into darkness.

I told yer it was gym in the dungeon!

Let me make a comparison with Sinnoh's version of this scene.

Original picture:

You're too far away. I can't see properly.

Instead of staring out of the French window, maybe more concern ought to paid to the demonic apparitions in the background.

What's this, a party for the Beings Between Dimensions?

I kept thinking the second one is Angela Lansbury, busy blending in to solve another society murder.

This explains why James is confined to the immediate outside: well within observing distance but not too close, in case one of the guests consumes his soul.

How bloody evil is Sinnoh Ma there?

Look at her nasty face: she's like a furious mint imperial.

Her head is imploding under its own gravitational pull.

Even Sinnoh Pa's trousers are an affront to me. Gone is the proud protuberance and in comes a material arrangement implying he's trying not to soil himself whilst also hiding the truth, both in stance and spillage, hence turning his back to the crowd.

Worry not, Sinnoh Pa, you're wearing those special pads aren't you? Very absorbant.

I know the berks who wrote Sinnoh held Team Rocket in contempt but does that extend to their relatives too? Is there any reason why Sinnoh Ma and Sinnoh Pa have suffered the Palsied Touch Of Death wiping 'em down with its slimy appendage?

Perhaps it befell the pair on this very evening, so the boy was locked out for his own good.

Too late, his head's already had the sniff of it, that's why he resembles a midget version of his older self.

As I've commented previously, every single scene of The Treasure Is All Mine! featuring James's parents was lifted straight from Holy Matrimony! because the 'artists' are too busy picking their own arses to come up with anything new.

Why not? The plot's a copy, so might as well do the same with the animation. Flaunt those recycling credentials!

Some are exactly the same pose, albeit in poorer quality, but many are reversed, as if that disguises it, and when a picture is flipped, it seems twisted and misaligned, as shown above.

Yet even that wasn't enough, as their rendering of it is even worse, and given a scowling expression.

What are they trying to say? You think a wizened old dog like that could ever entice Pa's lust?

As if! Sinnoh Ma is blatantly older than him! Why would he put up with that?

He's rich! He can pull underwear models!

Sinnoh Pa would, because he's desperate. Appearances don't matter so much when you're in dire need of a bed bath.

I tremble with the fear that one day the writers might recall Ma and Pa's existence, and reintroduce 'em, as going by this progression the third showing will be even more shrivelled:

Next thing you know we'll be dealing with Link's nan from The Wind Waker!

What is this thing in anime when anyone over forty suddenly resembles a friendly walnut?

What colour is Sinnoh Ma's hair meant to be there? Mauve?

Mauve?!

Since when was she bloody mauve?

Her actual shade somewhat depends on where you get the image.

Google:

Serebii:

Both of these match the old cassette copy I cherish.

What's up with yer screen shots, Serebii? Did you take 'em through one of those blurring toilet windows?

Pokémon T.V. Crapp:

I can't trust it. Each update produces a slightly different version of the same scene. I don't know whether I'm coming or going.

What is it, claret? Maroon? Aubergine?

Hey, T.A.P. isn't on intimate terms with exact hues and all their airy-fairy appellations. In my day reciting the contents of a rainbow was impressive. Doing it in order ranked one as a genius.

It certainly isn't mauve. Apparently Sinnoh Ma wasn't withered enough, and required something to really wash out her complexion, implying greyness but not quite.

I'll tell you of what this reminds me:

Hey Arnold!

If I remember it correctly (and that's not guaranteed) there was an episode featuring a go-kart race, though I don't believe they really exist, as I've never seen such a spectacle.

Sid (the one with a penis for a nose and a nose for a penis) called his The Dark Avenger, whereas Eugene (the grinning one with ginger frizz) had The Mauve Storm.

After a mishap they were obliged to share an makeshift vehicle, but rather than combining names to form The Dark Storm, Knobnose got well annoyed as Pubehead insisted on christening it The Mauve Avenger.

You could call Sinnoh Ma that.

Well there's some bloody mauve avenging taking place tonight, though I don't deserve this insult.

Fun fact: mauve is entirely synthetic, invented by accident during the Industrial Revolution.

Well there you are then.

God is so opposed to the concept of Sinnoh Ma's barnet He refused to even make it possible, because God hates mauve, refusing to allow it in nature. 'Twas forged from the diabolical furnaces within those Dark Satanic Mills instead, emphasis on the Satanic.

But I thought you liked purple and all it's many varieties.

Quiet you. It's the principle.

Where was I?

The reason why Sinnoh Ma has the fan surgically grafted to her person is it makes an easy flat surface to draw, rather than having to bother with her beads, brooch and folded neckline.

Her bony exterior evokes female slebs who foolishly imagine being as thin as possible adds youth, when in fact it's deeply ageing.

As for Pa, none of his colours have been followed, and that waistcoat on Sinnoh Pa has a most angry cut.

His general dodderiness gives the impression his pockets are peppered with furry Werther's Originals, as pensioners love sucking a Werther. Everyone knows that.

But they break yer teeth!

S'okay. Sinnoh Pa has none.

Now what about the physiques?

Notice on Pa little red is visible, with his blazer hanging straight down for meeting no impediment, even drawing inwards at the end of chest.

You can see a lot more red on Sinnoh Pa, and the blazer has to part the further down it goes to accommodate the belly. The shadow is absent because this area exceeds the top.

They've warped Pa from being a fella who cared about his body enough to keep it trim, to one who let himself go.

How people deal with weight tells you about their personality. He can't be busy sweating it off and also not give a toss!

What, is Ma gonna tolerate the possibility of a conjugal crushing as it rolls over?

No way, she's got standards!

Why would she touch that when there's plenty of sexy beasts ready to snap 'er up?

Sinnoh Ma would. She needs a big container to store her favourite tipple of blood.

Bear in mind that Pa is the character when James is grown up, and Sinnoh Pa a recollection from childhood, meaning the old, fat, grey, decrepit vision is the younger incarnation. Make sense to me.

Sinnoh Pa ate all the pies, man!

[marchtwelfththousandyears]

15 childhood crushes that embarrassingly ushered me into puberty EXPLAINED! (Pt. 2)

(Click here for Pt. 1)

10) Jenny Blake from The Rocketeer (1991)

I have weird memories of The Rocketeer in that my family owned it on VHS and I watched it several times as a kid, but for the life of me I can barely remember the plot of the film (something about Nazis, the mafia, and Howard Hughes?) But damn do I remember Jennifer Connelly, going from playing the bratty teen heroine in The Labyrinth to playing this role, which she is so unfathomably stunning to the point where she looks like a painting of a pin-up girl on a B-52 bomber come to life. Connelly as most of us know would go on to have a successful Oscar-winning Hollywood career, which she undoubtedly deserves for being a fantastic actor...but she’s also adopted the Hollywood waifishly thin lifestyle. I’m probably not alone in preferring a full-figured Jennifer over the 0% body fat A-Lister she’s become. I’m not shallow, I just grew up with hearts in my eyes for a sexy full-figured woman with more curves than Mulholland Drive. Va-va-va-vroom!

9) Lola Bunny from Space Jam (1996)

Ooooooook. Oh boy--where do we begin on this one?

It’s one thing to crush on the fictional cartoon characters I’ve previously mentioned. Sure, Jessica Rabbit and Jasmine aren’t real but they’re animated representations of female human beings, with Jessica being created specifically as a caricature which you’re supposed to be sexually aroused by. There are other animated ladies on this list I’ll get to, but none is more confusing and rather inexplicable as Lola Bunny from Space Jam. And when I say “inexplicable,” I mean it -- I don’t know WHY I was attracted to this non-humanoid anthropomorphic rabbit who most of us recall was created as a love interest for Bugs Bunny despite having never appeared in any Looney Tunes related content prior to the movie and, as far as I know, hasn’t become a mainstay since then. She’s also good at basketball...and apparently has been adopted as feminist icon for her “don’t ever call me doll” persona and athletic ability. I supposed that explains the attraction I had to her, along with her breathy baby voice and her Toon Squad jersey that was pretty much a sports bra and athletic boy shorts that accentuated her rather voluptuous curves--UM, WOW, let’s just move on?!

(it also doesn’t help that cosplayers are now “humanizing” her at comic conventions...)

8) Belle from Beauty and the Beast (1991)

Heeey, speaking of implied beastiality...

(shut up, I know)

While Ariel was the first Disney princess I became fond out in my early childhood, Belle was definitely my first crush. If you were to take all the character traits I talked about Ariel and Jasmine having that made them such endearing characters and combine them into one character, you would get Belle. She’s intelligent, independent, inquisitive, and rejects societal expectations in lieu of wanting more than some provincial life. More importantly, she’s selfless, empathetic, and lacks shallowness, all which plays in her favor when the film’s title finally pays off. There is, of course, her other attributes which help her live up to the film’s eponymous title: Belle’s unique look makes her not only one of the most beautiful Disney princesses, but also one of the hottest. If you’re puzzled about what’s so “unique” about her look, Belle was the first DP to have brunette hair and brown/hazel eyes. That’s right, after fifty-four goddamn years of showing blue-eyed/blonde-hair Aryan damsels in constant distress, Disney added some color to their characters--er, WELL, um, at least Belle was not a passive victim like her predecessors who just waited for Prince Charming to show up. 

Also, seriously, just scroll back up and watch that GIF a couple times. HOW COULD YOU NOT LOVE BELLE??

7) Dr. Chase Meridian from Batman Forever (1995)

So does anybody even remember Batman Forever? It seems to be the one Batman movie nobody seems to have a definitive opinion regarding. Then again, Batman movies seem to be judged on a binary system; they’re either the brilliant, near flawless The Dark Knight -- or the total nuclear meltdown shitshow of Batman & Robin. And right smack dab in the middle of this scale is Batman Forever, a movie that is awful in every sense of the word but is vastly more competent and enjoyable that its successor. One of the subplots deals with Bruce Wayne finally acting like a responsible human being and not the raging billionaire psychopath who beats up criminals from Gotham’s lower-socioeconomic class which he thinks makes him better than the villains and visits psychologist Dr. Chase Meridian. 

Like Lola Bunny, Dr. Meridian is a character who has never existed in any Batman/DC Comics medium, with her sole purpose being love interest to both Bruce Wayne *AND* Batman because tension(?) Then the movie ends and Chase is never seen, heard, or spoken of ever again in anything Batman related. Nevertheless, this was my first exposure to Nicole Kidman and I was quickly enamored by her beauty and seductive charm, which while was undeniably sexy coming from her breathy voice and Veronica Lake hair, it also makes for a confusing narrative. See, Chase isn’t a villain, but acts like a femme fatale looking to ruin Wayne with lust and psychology.    

6) Janet...Miss Jackson, If Ya Nasty*

*yeah, I went there

Being born in the mid-80’s and growing up during the 90’s — where before the term “Millennial” was uttered, my generation was referred to as “Reagan Babies” — you bet your ass I was raised on a steady pop culture diet of Michael Jackson. By the time I was old enough to start listening to music that wasn’t Raffi or Disney sing-alongs on cassette tapes (jfgi, kids), MJ had already reigned as the King of Pop for over a decade with the albums Thriller and Bad. Sure, I was aware of the Jackson Family, but if you rattled off the names Jermaine, Randy, Jackie, Marlon, La Toya, and Tito to me, I’d give you a deer-staring-at-another-deer-staring-in-headlights look. Far as I know, there were only two Jacksons: Michael, and his little sister Janet...Miss Jackso--NOPE, not gonna milk it.

Contrary to my lame-ass dated reference, I got into Janet much later than the Control / Rhythm Nation era. Oh I knew her music fairly well, from her duet with brother Michael on the song “Scream”, to the mid-90′s pop/House/dance track “Together Again”, but it wasn’t until her 2001 comeback as a pop superstar with the album All For You did I go from viewing Janet as the “cool and badass sister of MJ” to “daaaaaaaamn, girl!” She could dance like no other, sing infectiously catchy tunes, and showed off a bubbly, fun personality. Oh yeah, she also had an impossibly perfect body, managing to be in better shape than most (if not all) of the teenybopper pop stars of the time nearly half her age. And that was all before I listened to her song “Would You Mind” off the album...wooooo [*wipes sweat off forehead*]       

(Cont’d)