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#got yelled at by my dad and then my mom and then my brother and then a random 19yo all in one day
makkie-is-screaming · 8 months
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I should fucking kill myself
#I have this anger and dislike towards my little brother that’s totally unwarranted like he’s 10 it’s just my issues#n whenever I feel his hatred towards him I want to gut myself like#it’s not his fault that my moms a better mom for him n that he’s not scared of her#It’s not his fault that my dads sober and present for him#it’s not his fault that my older brother is a good brother to him n has never hurt him#it’s not his fault he’s not scared of telling someone he’s hurt or of getting food#it’s not his fault he parrots all of my parents insane conservative views#but I still hold so much anger and resentment#When I look at him I see him getting all the things I never got and being free of the traumas I went through#and I know it’s good and I’m happy he’s grown up in a safer environment but I’m so angry that I didn’t have those parents#and I know he’s also missing so many things I got#But it fucking hurts seeing how loved and safe he is and wishing I had been that innocent at that age#like when he’s fighting with my mom it’s over school work n video games n then he thinks he can talk shit ???#when I was fighting with my mom it was bc she came home from work in a rage#when I was mad at my dad it was because he got drunk n came home n yelled at my mom until she was crying in a corner then left#When I was screaming at my older brother it’s because I was tired of him hurting me not because he called me a name#I’m a horrible sister to him and I hate it because when he was a baby I was so fiercely protective of him and so happy to be his sister#I watched his shows with him and kept him entertained when my parents got bad n I promised myself I’d take care of him the way I never was#but I failed n now I can barely stand being around him#like I’m such a good sister to my sister but that’s it#n it makes me feel worse about my relationship w my brother bc I know I can be better but I’m just a horrible jealous bitch who should die#screaming
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the-yearning-astronaut · 11 months
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velvetcloxds · 8 months
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i miss being a teacher’s assistant and working with my babies and doing what i love and working towards something good
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ndcgalitzine · 1 year
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...
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unusualshrimp · 1 year
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why do i still miss my dad after EVERYTHING
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cressida-cowper · 11 months
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do you guys think it’s time to send my parents the audhd symptom master doc i made a month ago
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lilgynt · 1 year
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i’m gonna blow my brothers up with my brain
#personal#i’m planning my dads funeral and going over costs with my brothers since we’re all paying for it#and my brother was like hey this is depressing can we stop talking about it for a few days#and he amended that he meant the money aspect not necessarily the planning#but in the moment i have never been more insulted like#okay. so it’s too depressing to talk about but it’s fine to leave me alone to plan it and still care for dad#like i’m not trying to dictate his grief or pull the i have it worse card#but for gods sake have some fucking perspective#so i say okay and leave it at that bc i don’t want to yell at anyone#and he’s not not trying to come at you but#he’s like*#and i’m like i don’t want to be mean but the above i’ll stop talking about this but please keep some perspective#and they both got butt hurt about it#and it’s like i’m not upset about the money - although thank you guys for the taking care of that now#i don’t know if i’m speaking fucking french i’m only asking you guys keep some perspective#i got really upset and was like guys you’re barely involed as is. i’m not asking you to wipe his ass with me but just AHHHHH#and i even said i can’t dictate ur grief and my other eldest brother said something like#i don’t even know it was so not related to the convo i was lost but now i have no idea if he’s gonna visit dad#which at this point don’t care never see ur father again i don’t know man#and the other one got mad bc he’s been helping financially and emotionally with my mom so i apologized for that one#which is fair that was out of line a bit but also it’s like i say a mean comment you guys actively ignore me asking for support for months#like. still bad on my side but i’m very bitter and am going low contact after this
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bo0zey · 2 years
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manic mixed depressive episode on my bday is so fun especially when ur going on 2 days no sleep n have a 12hr shift starting at the asscrack of dawn in 6hrs
#idk if i want to sleep like i do but i don’t i just keep walking in circles n staring off blankly#also bursted into tears for no reason bc i missed my mom and remembered how much i hate my fucking birthday#was in the middle of a borderline argument w my family then just zoned out n glanced at the time and tears welled#6:13???#then i pretended to go to the bathroom to hide my tears from my dad cuz he would’ve yelled at me if i went to my room w/o saying anything#so there i am crying like a pathetic loser on the toilet trying to suppress n swallow down ugly sobs#and there i am crying in my dumpster fire of a room on the floor#i literally go the entire year without crying abt her but every time december hits i always get into this weird funk#and idk why it’s still happening it’s been 7 years#i think my subconscious mind is influencing my body to release the trauma stored inside it bc i was never allowed to grieve her properly#so now in blips of time leading up to my birthday and the next day of her passing i’m 15 turning 16 again#i wish i didn’t have to work tomorrow so i could go visit her at her grave instead like i never go to the cemetery but i really want to#i guess i can go on her actual death day but i don’t want to go with my dad and brothers i just want to be alone#they don’t understand the feeling of losing your mom and best friend on your 16th bday#they don’t understand what it’s like carrying all this guilt and trauma and holding her hand and feeling her hand go limp at my words#i told her it was okay she could let go i would take care of my brothers and protect them from my father and i would be strong for everyone#meanwhile i’m listening to my dad n my aunt throwing all her clothes in trash bags upstairs#i didn’t even get to pick out what clothes i wanted to keep of hers im so angry my dad refused to let any of us miss her#“i miss mom-‘ ‘she’s dead get over it!’#i got over it alright but then this time of year rolls around and i’m under it all again#i miss her so much i wonder if she’d be proud of me i wonder what it would be like to feel her hand in mine again#ooos im crying again lol#im so pathetic i’m literally 23 in less than 30 minutes why am i behaving like a crybaby child#23:33 when i was typing that btw n 333 is my angel/life path number lol#i wanna saw my arm off but i won’t#i debated staring an iv on myself instead but i’m too drained i just want lay down n cry lol#pathetic loser crybaby girl can’t function can’t shut up making everyone uncomfortable with her sadnes n tears stupid stupid stupid#drown in them and die nobody here loves you anymore nobody cares you’re the problem always the problem#i can’t remember if my mom loved me or not everyone says she did but i forgot what it feels like#i wish i never told her it was okay to let go i lied to her i said i’d be okay but here i am manic depressive
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kiribaku · 1 year
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won't lie gwen reconciling with her dad made me almost cry bc my dad was at a mental hospital for two weeks (he was alright but yea) while I was watching and got released the day after and like. it just hurt. she got to mend that broken relationship. me and my dad will never have a fully mended relationship though. never. I wish we could but my home life is so broken and it won't be fixed.
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nomaishuttle · 2 years
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update on ME and my life btw. as it turns out i am not having my first ever plane ride next month -_- were gonna do a carride instead Since ill be taking stuff with me u see. but also i dont have rhat nuch.. but im sorr of.relieved bc it means i dont have to update my lciense until i get there :]
#my parents were fighting abt it bc my dad was like Im taking your van and my mom was like You cant just take my shit without asking and#like. shes absolutely right it ws shitty of him t just be.like Im taking it but also. we cant take his car. t transport my stuff#so idk. im gonna let them figure it out bc i rly rly rly dont want them t yell at me DJRBJFBFNF#but ya. as excited as i ws t ride a planei was also like Actually sick thinking abt it. bc im so incredibly scared of planes#but also ive never been in one so i think once im in one ill like it more.. but its ok#so my actual first ever plane ride will be umm#this may ! for my brothers bday....#i am hoping umm. we get th van tho.. and im hoping that means theyre gonna let me take more stuff than i thought they would ^-^ Namely#th puter. and tv#bc we have ao many tvs bc anytime my dad gets any momey hes like LETS GET A TV AND A NEW CONSOLE !! when we r literally paycheck t paycheck#Bur whatever. so im.hoping i cn snag it and also rh puter thats in my room.... bc thatd be awwsome#but. luckily even if i dont get th puter umm. average monthly wage for housekeeping in wa is 10 TIMES MY PORTION OF THE RENT !?!?#bc we got so lucky th place we fojnd monthly rent is umm. 1525 or.somefing... and were splitting between 4 ppl#so my rent is just a little under 400 :]] im super super happy.. AND thats with bills included? in the rent ?#th lady seems pretty inexperienfed w/ this and also umm. like it seems like shes trying t get rid of th house or somefing#bc rent t own is only likeee. 1000 extra a month?? so were thinking if we rly like this place we might all just like. buy it JDBFJFBFJFNF#but thats a whileee off. so no worries ... i wouldnt mind buying it tho :] th pics r awesome and its got a nice garden zone..#but ya !! its going prettyyy well.. ill talk 2 my dad abt me taking the umm. puter n tv maybe...
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guinevereslancelot · 6 months
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is there any worse feeling than when you feel like someone is mad at you bc they literally are mad at you
#i came into the living room and my dad was yelling abt how he basically hates everyone in the whole family#bc nobody got around to reqding the latest chapter of his book yet#but he was really upset and mad#i get being hurt by that but it literally is not a personal rejection people are just busy idk#he didn't let on he was upset at all until he completely flipped out#now he doesn't want anyone to read it anymore#he's really hurt tho bc we all always read my mom's stuff#and my brother and i talk abt what we're writing together all the time#and i get there's a special kind of hoy sharing your writing with someone but only when they're really interested and engaged#unfortunately the two people most likely to care abt hia book are my two oldest brothers and they dont live w us#so they cant really give him that feedback#he did send hia chapters to them but they arent around to talk abt it and havent responded yet#basically nobody actually cares abt his book#he's been talking abt writing one for like ten years or more and only started in the past few months#its a zombie book and full of his really weird and controversial political and religious takes tho sp its a stressful read#i dont really agree w him on certain issues and we're ok abt it usually but it makes reading it more stressful#anyway#he's really upset tho#and he can only express unpleasant emotions through anger so i shut down and cant interact#and he specifically said he doesnt want people do do the thing he's so hurt that we didnt do#so there's no real way to set things right to alleviate my anxiety#he's a very difficult person to love with sometimes but he's really generous and has done a lot to help me#so i can live my dream and start a business and he's not really pressuring me abt my job seaech and rent and stuff#so it does make me feel guilty that i basically didn't care abt his book#it wouldnt be as bad if literally everyone in the family hadn't also done that#when he does to much for everyone#he's mad at everyone but im the only one having a panic attack and im the only one he didn't yell at#he's not handling his emotions well but neither do i so we usually just dont acknowledge things like this until everyone is over it#but i hate that i literally need conflict to be resolved immediately or i go insane
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emphistic · 2 months
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can i request smth like sukuna bringing reader to meet his family for the first time? ^^
"Uncle Sukuna bought me these Legos for my birthday last week!" Yuuji pointed to a dinosaur on the shelf, "It took me a long time to build it, but Uncle helped me."
The kid had been dragging you around the house ever since dinner was over, holding your hand while insisting on showcasing all of his toys and artwork and racecars.
Sukuna was always a man of few words, so when you first met Yuuji, you thought the cute little bugger would be no different. But no, Yuuji was far from shy and quiet around you. In fact, the first thing he said to you after you entered the house was a bunch of garbled and unintelligible compliments. Saying how he liked your shoes, and the hairstyle you did on yourself.
He talked and talked your head off with no care in the world. Dinner passed quickly, and Yuuji led you upstairs to show you his room. You found it adorable that he had a little twinkle in his eyes while explaining something he was passionate about; it reminded you of a special someone.
"That's so cool, Yuuji! Do you have a favorite Lego that you've made?" you smiled.
Yuuji seemed to grow silent for the first time that evening, "Umm, no. I think they're all my favorite!"
Laughing, you ruffled his hair. "That's okay," you booped him on the nose, "you're my favorite."
Yuuji looked up at you with eyes the size of saucers, gasping, "Really? More than Uncle?"
You put a finger to your lips, making a shushing sound; and Yuuji giggled at the fact he shared a secret with you. When the adults started opening beer and wine bottles in the living room, Sukuna called you downstairs to join him as he drank with his brother and his brother's wife.
"I'm going to go have a drink—"
"That's okay! I have to do something, too." Yuuji playfully kicked you out of his room with a few giggles, and got to work on whatever it was he was doing.
Downstairs, you had a better chance to get to know Sukuna's family now that there wasn't a little kid trying to butt his way into the conversation as well. Jin asked you about your work and how you and his brother met; you talked about some of your hobbies and Sukuna—being himself—boasted about how good of a partner you were. It was, all in all, a pleasantly spent evening.
When it was time for you to call it a night, you were about to make your leave when suddenly, Yuuji came running down the stairs, yelling for you and Sukuna to wait.
"What is it, brat?" asked Sukuna, tired from having a beer too many, which earned an elbow to his side from you.
Yuuji beamed, gesturing to what was in his hands, "Look, tada! It's Uncle, and me, and Mom, and Dad, and my aunt!"
Turns out, when Yuuji said he had some thing to do, he was really just building characters out of Legos that represented you, Sukuna, and his parents. Surprisingly, the models were pretty accurate, too. Well, except for. . .
"The hell did you make a redhead for? That supposed to be your uncle, kid?" Sukuna joked, turning to you, "Don't tell me your cheating on me with a ginger."
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windfighter · 10 months
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Start of dream: cute kitty wants to get adopted by me
End of dream: 2 unknown men are trying to kill me and my brother is there and also trying to kill me
0/10 do not recommend
(also how did it go from the first part to the second and make sense I wish I could remember that)
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milo-is-rambling · 1 year
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Vaping so much that I’m hot boxing the van in honor of not fucking wanting to go inside
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zofias · 1 year
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dont read honestly but i need to say something because i am terrified 
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zaczenemiji · 3 months
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Hi! Just saw your request are open. I thought it would be a great to request a OS of Kenji Sato x Fem! Reader.
I got inspired by that song of "Too Sweet" from Hozier and I got the idea of how good is Reader with Emi, (since she knows he's Ultraman and also raises a baby Kaiju alone) such a Sunshine, even Emi sees her as a new maternal figure, he thinks she's too sweet, getting the idea of having kids with her but having the thought she deserves better.
But she thinks on the contrary, he's such a bad boy with a good heart. If you wanna add more things, it's up to you. I'll leave it to your imagination. Take your time and no need to rush. Take care.
Too Good, Too True
Kenji Sato x Reader
Word Count: 1,456
Genre/Warnings: Established Relationship, Found Family
Author’s Note: Particularly in love with this one, and Too Sweet plays rent-free in my head.
MASTERLIST
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You know everything about Kenji: his past—the reason he’s distant from his dad, his secret—that he’s Ultraman, and his love child the 20-foot-tall kaiju baby in his basement.
You guys have been together for a long while now, even before everyone knew him as Ken Sato, the baseball star—the one whose name dominates the headlines.
With millions of adoring fans, you’re grateful you still have a place in his life. At first, there was a looming thought at the back of your head that tells you how easily replaceable you are.
No matter how you repress the thought, the fact remains that it is true. Who are you when compared to Kenji? You weren’t a model, an icon, a singer, or the daughter of a CEO—like all the other women waiting in line for him.
You were just… you. Simply (y/n) in her soft pastel and floral dresses. You don’t own a lot either, just a flower shop in LA. Your favorite hobby is tending to your garden where you grew the flowers that you sold.
All of your issues regarding this have long been resolved since Kenji has always been quick to reassure you of his love. That to him, everything and anyone else pails in comparison to you. He wishes you knew your impact on his life.
You have always been his breath of fresh air. It started at college during his baseball trainings, he’d wait for a certain girl to pass by. His eyes were always quick to find you among your group of friends.
On his games, you were his number one cheerleader. Your friends and his teammates were always so surprised to see the quiet dainty girl that you were yelling and cheering for his name.
Back when his mom was around, you got along with her so well. Kenji would find you and his mom in their kitchen baking cakes and making cute little pastries.
His mom loved having you around. You were always welcome at his house. When she found out that you were an international student who flew to LA alone and lived in a dorm, she almost wanted to adopt you.
But ain’t no way Kenji wanted to be just a brother in your life.
Many things have changed since then. In becoming a baseball star, half of his life was no longer private. In becoming Ultraman, his responsibilities were no longer limited to that of his career and personal life. And in becoming a daddy to a kaiju baby, he realized you deserve better.
You came over to his house every day to visit Emi. He admired your patience with her and how you were always a ray of sunshine to everyone, including a kaiju. And you’re not afraid of playing with her even if she could literally crush you out of nowhere.
You’d come over with fresh flowers picked from your parents’ garden. You’d make big flower crowns just for Emi and smaller ones for yourself and Mina.
Today was a particularly rough day as Kenji got home from a game. You wanted to accompany him today but he insisted for you to watch over Emi. He has been feeling like shit lately, not knowing what to do with Emi and his declining performance in his games.
Upon passing by the kitchen table, he sees a can of his favorite fizzy drink. Under it, a note. He lifted the can and read, “left this up here so mina won’t see (。- .•)”
For the first time that day, he smiled. You’ve always told him how lucky you thought you were for being with someone as great as him. But the truth is, it’s the other way around.
In one go, he finished his drink so he could immediately head down to see you. You and Mina were too busy playing with Emi to notice him. He stayed at the lounge where he could see you from the other side of the glass.
There you were, beautiful, with flowers adorning your hair. You looked so pure and innocent. Your gentle demeanor had always put him at ease.
Your expressive eyes looked up at Emi in an attempt to communicate beyond words. Kenji loved your eyes. They were always filled with warmth and kindness but when you look at him, all he sees is love.
On the contrary, there’s him. He and his troubled past.
He is distant from his dad, wanting little to no connection with him. If it wasn’t for his mom, he wouldn’t have returned to Japan.
You weren’t like that. You had a good relationship with your parents. You deserve someone who could give you and your future children the same kind of environment you grew up in—peaceful and without the fear of the possibility that one day, your husband might not come home.
He worries he’d be like his dad, absent. He is Ultraman now. His duties would one day require him to be away, sometimes without notice and for extended periods. You deserve someone who can be there for you consistently.
He is constantly under the scrutiny of the public eye, both as Ultraman and the baseball star that he is. And the public is not often gentle. You deserve a private and peaceful life, away from the criticisms of society.
Kenji loves you dearly, he really does. But oftentimes, he thinks he’s not the best person for you. He thinks you deserve someone who can offer you a simpler and safer life.
Too deep in his thoughts, he failed to notice you enter the room. The kiss you gave on his cheek pulled him back to reality.
“Tough day?” You asked, sitting beside him on the couch.
“Yeah,” he nodded. “But I’m okay now. You’re here now.” He turned to look at you, his rest.
“Would you like to talk about your day?” You asked, reaching out to brush strands of his hair away from his face.
He shook his head. “I’d like to hear about yours first.”
You smiled, excited to tell him what you planned on doing. Since he’s staying here in Japan for good, you thought you would too. The flower shop in LA would be left in a good friend’s care. And here, you thought of working as a kindergarten teacher. You had doubts before but after being able to take care of Emi and enjoying it, you were now sure that this is the kind of job for you.
Kenji’s expression shifted upon knowing this. A shadow of doubt crossed his face. “What’s wrong?” you asked. “Do you not approve?”
“You deserve better,” he said, eyes falling downward before turning away to lean properly on the couch.
Confused, you leaned back as well. “Better job?” You asked. “Kenji, I think this is the bes—“
“Better than a guy who’s got a kaiju baby to take care of and a past, present, and future that’s complicated,” he continued his earlier statement, cutting you mid-sentence.
You were shocked. You never expected him to feel this way. You felt bad because for every time he assured you of his love, you failed to realize that he needed reassurance too.
“Oh no, Kenji,” you said. You turned his face to look at you, cupping it with both of your hands. “You’re a good man.”
“I’m worried, (y/n),” he said softly. “I worry that I can’t give you the life you deserve.“
He wants to marry you, he truly does. He dreamed of having children with you, teaching them, watching them grow. And when all is done, living the rest of his life with you.
When he passes by jewelry stores, he always thinks of you. He’d get in, and browse their selection of rings, but thinking of how you’re too sweet for him holds him back from buying.
"You're the best man for me, Kenji. Not despite your past and your duties, but because of them. They've shaped you into the person I love,” you told him.
“You're a wonderful father to Emi. And if you ever wanted more—if you ever wanted us to be more,” you leaned in to press your forehead on his. “I know you'll be an amazing father because of how you love me every day.”
Kenji closed his eyes, leaning into your touch, the tension slowly leaving his body. "You really believe that?"
"Every word," you said softly. "You are my home, Kenji. As long as we're together, I'm not afraid of anything."
He opened his eyes, looking at you with a mixture of relief and gratitude. "Thank you, (y/n),” he said. “I don't know what I'd do without you."
"You'll never have to find out," you replied, pulling him into a tight embrace.
Taglist is open! Comment if u wanna be tagged on future Kenji oneshots
@flowerloves
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