John Egbert, Vriska Serket
Page 491-496
JOHN: vriska!!!
VRISKA: Well well well, looks like 8ingo let out early!
JOHN: oh man, i found you just in time! i need you to come back with me, and–
JOHN: wait, how are you already free?
JOHN: and why are you covered in leafs
VRISKA: Leaves.
JOHN: weren't you supposed to be in the "clutches" of jane, or something?
VRISKA: John... do you really think I would need YOU to 8ust me out of some rinky dink operation like that?
VRISKA: Escaping some cushy human prison is gru8's play to me. They didn't even try to torture us!
VRISKA: Even my protégé managed to free herself of this sad excuse for a facility.
JOHN: oh.
JOHN: wait, rose's kid was here with you?
VRISKA: That's what I said! Try and keep up, cryptkeeper.
JOHN: ok, well, if you would stop shaking your head and look at me you'd know i am rolling my eyes so hard right now.
JOHN: anyway!!
JOHN: where do i begin! uhh... ok, so roxy has this secret lair that's for some reason hidden underneath our old bed, the world is gonna fall apart... umm what else... oh! there's this thingy called "the Plot Point"--
VRISKA: Yeah, I know.
JOHN: you know?
VRISKA: Yes!!!!!!!! I Know!!!!!!!!
JOHN: oh.
JOHN: what else do you already know? :o
VRISKA: John! Focus! I can't have you holding me 8ack just 8ecause you're slow and old now!
JOHN: aw ):
VRISKA: Ease up, Eg8ert.
JOHN: ok, ok, fine.
JOHN: ...
JOHN: wait, hold on. back up. vrissy is gone??
VRISKA: You are really getting caught up in the minutiae aren't you?
JOHN: please don't tell me you guys were trying to escape through a tunnel crossing a water pipe and she sacrificed herself by sealing the pipe closed from the outside, giving you the chance to escape?
VRISKA: What the hell are you talking a8out????????
VRISKA: No, you know what, don't answer that.
JOHN: its from a show!
VRISKA: John, she's a Vriska. She can handle herself! I'm sure she can take anything this fake-ass timeline can throw at her!
JOHN: what?
JOHN: fake? what do you mean?
VRISKA: This universe! Haha! It's a fake! Fakey fake fake.
JOHN: you can say fake as many times as you want, i still won't know what you mean!
VRISKA: Pleeeeeeeease don't tell me none of you have noticed!
VRISKA: This whole universe is like someone's shitty RP, and everyone's out of character! None of this reads!
VRISKA: Like, who the FUCK is Yiffy!!!!!!!! Why should I or anyone CARE????????
JOHN: i mean
JOHN: i don't really get it either, but i had this long talk with roxy, and that feels relevant to this?
VRISKA: Yuck, don't even want to think a8out that whole mess.
VRISKA: What were you two even thinking with that, 8y the way? What was setting sail on that dingy schooner of a relationship ever going to accomplish?
JOHN: don't call my marriage a dingy schooner! it was a completely reasonably sized ship!
JOHN: we had our reasons!
JOHN: i am pretty sure!
VRISKA: Yeah, you sound super sure a8out all of this.
VRISKA: Making up pro8lems to have pro8lems!
VRISKA: So lame.
JOHN: it does sound... kind of bad.
JOHN: but that doesn't mean it's fake!
VRISKA: Come oooooooon!
VRISKA: Do you honestly think I spent all that time commanding a kickass ghost army to not know a haplessly doomed little world when I see one?
VRISKA: I can practically smell it on you!
JOHN: hey, not this again!
JOHN: i smell completely normal!
JOHN: my odor is well within "real john" standards thank you very much.
VRISKA: This is exactly what I'm talking a8out. No8ody real would say that.
VRISKA: You're like a sadder, less interesting version of a guy I kind of liked talking to. When was the last time you did........ anything?
JOHN: i get around. i've been talking to people. i just talked to a new guy on the way.
VRISKA: Snore!
VRISKA: What happened to the guy that punched me in the face?
JOHN: that guy is right here, he's still me!
JOHN: ok, wait, that makes me sound way too proud of myself.
VRISKA: It was like the 8est thing you've ever done!
JOHN: it was not! you're just weird!!!
JOHN: anyway what i am saying is, this is just how it's been for a while?
VRISKA: Surely you can see that's a pro8lem? 8e serious.
JOHN: i am serious! and don't call me shirley.
VRISKA: Ugh.
JOHN: (hehe.)
JOHN: it is true though, everything did feel pretty... pointless for a long time. and it would bother me SO MUCH!
JOHN: when i was living by myself i would consider where to go next. except there was no "next." nothing was worth trying for anymore.
JOHN: but harry is. he's real!
VRISKA: ::::/
VRISKA: As real as a guy can get, stuck here.
JOHN: what, like he could be magically more real???
JOHN: load him up in some silly circus cannon and blast him out of the mirror verse!
JOHN: hahahahaha
JOHN: actually you might think this is kind of funny!
JOHN: a long time ago i was supposed to go back and defea-
VRISKA: SNOOOOOOOORE!
VRISKA: Your ecto-human-guardian-si8ling or whatever is pro8a8ly sending a squad of 8ozos to apprehend your ex as we speak. So I say the less we talk and the sooner we 8low this gru8sickle stand, the sooner we can get there 8efore we lose access to our shortcut.
JOHN: yeah when you spell it all out like that i can see what y-
JOHN: wait, WHAT!!!
JOHN: why didn't you just say that earlier?!
VRISKA: John. That's what I've 8een doing this whole time!
VRISKA: Now, c'mon! Race you there!!!!!!!!
JOHN: hey, that's not fair!
VRISKA: Last one there is a rotten egggggggg(8ert)! >::::)
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