#guess who learned they can put on falsies pretty well?

[cat-gwyn-gunn]

🎶Well my sleeves may be green, but my lipstick’s red...🎶

Listen...sometimes you fall down a rabbit hole and you can’t get out

Also sometimes when you’re an ex-wife you gotta channel your fave Ex-Wife.

[lethesomething]

Make-up for lazy and/or busy people

Have some practical tips from someone who doesn't really has time for this, but tries it anyway.

It's 2019 and everyone's a beauty guru

  Let me preface this by saying: you don't need make-up. Don't let people tell you you need to 'put your face on'. You can damn well choose which face you'll be projecting each day or even part of the day. Unless you're manning one of those cosmetics counters in a mall, how you look is mostly about you and what makes you feel comfy. So while I'll be giving random ass tips on how to get certain looks with minimal effort, even that minimal effort is totally optional.

Now. Onward.

So I made it into my thirties without ever actually bothering with the whole 'make-up' thing. But now my job requires me to be Fancy sometimes, so last year I decided to make it a Project to learn and be somewhat good at it. I watched a whole bunch of youtube and read articles and Looked Stuff Up and then I bought a cheap version of All the Things to practice. It's honestly quite an overwhelming experience, and it's even harder if you, like, have a day job and hobbies and anime to watch and videogames to play and ranting blogs to write.

Like, Tati I love you but I'm not about to get up an hour earlier for this shit.

If you need some low-stakes, 'just looking around' type stuff, that's what this is here for. I cannot tell you how to do a cut crease or any of the fancy stuff. So have some of my own meandering experience, which can hopefully help you a little bit.

 What is all this stuff?

When I did my research at first, I drew up a list of Things I apparently needed to buy to do the make-up. It turned out to be a long ass list. Here are the 'common' items on said list.

1. Primer

Exactly like the thing you put on your walls before you paint them. Supposed to go on top of the moisturizer and under everything else and depending on the primer, does different things. This is.…kindof extra. I've tried two different 'colour correcting anti red' primers and all they seem to do is dry out my skin. I'm sure some are nice but this is really not a basic necessity.

2. Foundation

The thing you slather on to make your skin either look smooth like polished marble, or cakey like badly done stucco. Kinda depends on how good you're at it. Comes in varieties.

Full coverage foundation: The stuff all the make-up youtubers use. It essentially turns you into one of those Japanese mask monsters? Like the ghost from Spirited Away. Good at getting rid of any and all blemishes, but requires More Work later on.

BB cream (or CC, or DD…): Supposed to be a more skincare friendly version of foundation. I've tried a few brands and they ended up medium to full coverage, and all of them dried out my skin.

Tinted moisturizer: Not… strictly… make-up? In Europe you tend to find these in pharmacy/parapharmacy places (so Boots or Walgreens for UK/US peeps). It's essentially moisturizer with some colouring in it to give your face extra oomph. Also, what I long expected BB cream to be (it is not). Because it's pharmacy stuff, it comes in versions with like no perfume, so if you have sensitive skin but want an Instagram filter for your face, this is probably something to look into.

3. Concealer

Spot treatment to get rid of any glaring discolouration you wish to hide. +10 to all stealth checks on red spots and eye bags, but does make wrinkles really obvious.

4. Face powder/baking powder

I have no clue what this is good for. I've tried two different ones on several occasions, and I think they're supposed to stop you from getting shiny by absorbing any facial oil. They mostly just make me look dusty.

5. Bronzer

Here's the fun thing about using full coverage foundation to make yourself look like a ghost: you then need More Product to make yourself look alive again. Enter: bronzer. This stuff puts a bit of colour back into those spots you so carefully blotted out so that you appear moar hooman. Only useful if you do the whole 'full coverage foundation' thing.

6. Contouring

That thing you know because of the Kardashians. Alternatively: don't let them know we can shapeshift. This is morphing powder/cream for your face. You use it to add shadows where no shadows are, and light where there is shadow and of course this means most people use it to look as close to skeletons as possible. Can do really cool things if you know what you're doing, and look Really Wrong if you mess it up. Not for the faint of heart. Also: your nose is fine. Really.

7. Blush

Blushing is the ultimate staple of romance fics, and it looks cute. Blush powder/cream is meant to give you glowing apple cheeks, even when you're not actively feeling embarrassed.

8. Highlighter

Societally acceptable glitter for the skin. This shit is amazing. It's officially supposed to make you 'glow' and  look 'youthful' and 'juicy' but honey, who cares: Glitter!

9. Lip liner

A pencil/felt pen for your lips. Supposed to help you paint the outside of your lips so you only have to fill in the lines with lipstick later. Like carefully searching the edges before using the flood tool in Photoshop. Considering I'm pretty bad at the 'smooth strokes at lip edge' thing, it doesn't really help me to have to do it twice but ok.

10. Lip stuff

My favourite Make-up Thing. Puts colour on your lips. Comes in varieties.

Lipstick: Your mom's classic lipstick. The one with the twisty tube. Comes in a million colours and is sometimes moisturizing. Cons: everything your lips touch is now covered in lipstick.

Liquid lipstick: The stuff in the long tubes with the applicator. Usually transfer-proof which means that your coffee cup does not look like a blood bath after a few sips. Dries the hell out of your lips tho.

Lipgloss: the stuff that makes your hair stick to your face at the least gust of wind. Usually quite moisturizing but also super sticky. Makes your tea mug look like a particularly grisly murder scene.

Lip topper: Extra. Like… so extra. This is lip stuff that goes on top of your lip stuff in case you don't have enough lip stuff. Usually metallic or glitter. Because Extra.

Tinted lip balm: Another cheat item, like tinted moisturizer, in that it's not Officially Make-up. Is essentially lip balm, so it's not sticky and usually quite moisturizing and protective. Downside is that its colouring tends to be quite muted.

11. Eyebrow stuff

I don't know when 'fleek' became such an obsession, but there are pencils, and pomades, and powder and gels and spoolie brushes and they all do the same thing: shape your eyebrows.

12. Eyelid primer

Funny thing about eyes: if you have deepset or hooded eyes, like me, your eyelid spends most of its time covered by Moar Eyelid. This tends to transfer whatever you put on said eyelid to all the other skin. Hence: eyelid primer, which is like… glue? I guess? Makes stuff stay in place. For those people who don't have a bunch of eyelid foldage, it's supposed to help with the blending and whatnot.

13. Eyeshadow

Pretty colours for your eyes. Comes in powder and cream, and in literally so many colours, be it matte (no shiny), metallic (shiny), glitter (extra shiny) and fairly recently multichrome (Extra). I see a lot of influencers and (let's be real) make-up companies push the idea that you need like four shades and half an hour of blending for any given 'look' but that is mostly exaggeration. You can just pick a colour you like and wear it.

14. Eyeliner

Pencil or paint that lines your eyes and occasionally gives them wings. Comes in varieties.

Liquid eye liner: your basic all-purpose liner. This one has the advantage that it can usually be applied very thin and stealthy like.

Gel liner: as far as I can tell, a lot of liquid eye liner has an alcohol base, whereas gel liner does not. Its main reason for existing is that you can somewhat safely put it in your waterline, aka to colour the part of the eyelid just behind the lashes. This means you're going to be jabbing the pen or brush in your actual fucking eye, on the bottom/inside of your friggin eyelid and this is Terrifying. On the bright side: it's a pretty badass punky/emo/goth look. Think Avril Lavigne circa Sk8ter boy.

Kohl/pencil: this is a colouring pencil for your eyes. Tends to be a little bit thicker for extra Drama. Can also be smudged for smokey eye and even more goth points.

15. Mascara

Paint for your eyelashes. Most mascaras try to make them look bigger.

16. Falsies

Glue false eyelashes onto your own eyelashes. Ain't nobody got time for that.

17. Setting spray

Face varnish. If you've spent an entire hour getting your make-up super pretty and fancy, you can put this on to make it last longer.

  So how do you use all this?

That… was a lot of stuff and we're all still overwhelmed. So let me give you some suggestions, a 'look book' of wearable looks for every day and special ocasions, aka, now that i have this stuff, wtf am i doing with it.

The 'fuck everything' I have a shirt that says 'No.' on it. It's one of my favourite shirts and I use it on deadline weeks, when I'm in the office with a particularly large amount of stressful work. I tend to pair it with a noise-cancelling headset and a look of barely-restrained fury, but it'll look just as good with a cute dress or a comfy pair of jeans. Go wild. This facial look consists of the following:

Moisturizer

Lip balm in winter, sun screen in summer.

  The 'I tried'

This was my 'work' look for several years and occasionally still. The fun thing about it is it's quite subtle and most people (definitely most men) will not think you're wearing anything. It makes you feel like you're undercover, just a bit (I take my entertainment where i can get it, ok).

Consists of:

Skincare (moisturise, people!)

Eyebrow pencil

Mascara

  The 'You look nice today'

This one works basically like a photoshop filter for your face, if you're into that. It blurs out a little bit of the rough edges and emphasises other parts, but it still looks very much like you. Just a version of you that gets more sleep than the actual you, usually. For me, at least, it works to make me go 'damn, looking cute' when I accidentally meet my reflection in a bathroom mirror. It's a confidence builder.

Mosturiser

Tinted moisturiser or BB cream (depends on general dryness of skin I guess)

Concealer (eyebags, man)

Eyebrow pencil

Mascara

Tinted lip balm or lip gloss

 A note on lips: Look. I love dark lipstick. Make me appear as if I have stained my lips in the blood of my enemies and I'm happy. But a dark liquid lip needs to be on point to look good, which is a hard thing to do, plus if you get it wrong it is very hard to correct and I don't need that stress in my daily life. Gloss or lip balm is just a little bit more low-stakes.

The 'Make me look like my selfie'

Some days you have time. This look is essentially the same as the 'you look nice today' with two additions

Cream eyeshadow

Cream (stick) blush

A note on cream make-up: Most make-up products come in a powder form and a cream/liquid type form. Generally, the powder form is more blendable, and those fancy eyeshadow pallettes let you do all kinds of crazy amazing stuff. However, we're talking lazy working girl looks, and I happen to do my make-up on a moving train (see earlier: not getting up an hour early for this shit). If you're going to be applying things in less than ideal circumstances, cream make-up is your best friend. It doesn't explode in a cloud of dust, it doesn't break when you drop it, there's no fall-out. It is, in general, lower difficulty, can be applied with like your fingers or one of those tiny little make-up sponges, and if you get it in a fairly neutral colour (like just a bit darker or lighter than your skintone) it isn't obvious if your bleary ass messes up a little. We're being practical here, not trying to make things more difficult than it has to be.

The 'yeah I worked hard on this, bask in my glory'

Finally, the full glam. I personally use this when I am required to be Fancy, or when it's a Sunday and I'm all 'fuck it i wanna be fab'. This is the one where you just go for it. Use All the Things. Turn your face into a ghost, then paint shadows back on. Use six different eyeshadows and blend them together. Put that liquid lip to use, you have time to clean it up and try again. Add glitter to Everything. Have fun with it.

[buriedinbleach]

Which of the captains look the prettiest/handsomest in drag? (JUSHIROJUSIROJUSHIRO)

Um… abso-lutely Jushiro!! Fun question! I could actually see quite a few of the guys being insanely pretty and the girls being very handsome! Yikes, if they had a competition, I would not want to be a judge… But as luck would have it, the WSA decided to host a competition to benefit the Seireitei’s Orphaned Children Fund. You can decide who wins, like I said, I can’t judge ;)

‘Mandatory Disclaimer’ I promised Nanao to pass on: ‘Awards presented in no way indicate a contestant’s final standing in the competition. Actual placement of the contestants is final and indisputable by participants.’

Soi-Fon:

*She was a surprise entry, but a very well executed one. Hair slicked back and drawn-on stubble, she went the sporty route in a full football kit. Soi-Fon shocked everyone with some spot-on skills for the talent portion (prompting Renji to challenge her to a game afterwards). Awarded: ‘Most Talented’ which someone during the night (Shinji) changed to ‘Best Balls’ and that was the title that stuck.

Rose:

*He spent the most time on his hair, making sure it was perfectly styled, only bothering to apply a light touch of makeup - he knew he didn’t really need it anyway. He ended up going a little hard with the whole ‘hair flip’ thing and nearly toppled off his heels, but he made a surprisingly graceful save and played it off. Awarded: ‘Most Luscious Locks’

Byakuya:

*Agreed (begrudgingly) to participate at Rukia’s pleading. But only because it benefitted children of the Seireitei. He tried to disguise himself well enough no one knew it was him, but he wore a beautiful (and expensive) kimono and pretty much gave himself away. Of course, the air of indifference he exuded really pushed the total look over the top. Come to think of it, that was probably how everyone guessed it was him. Awarded: ‘Most Elegant’

Toshiro:

*It is truly a wonder what some eyeliner can do. Everyone agreed that Toshiro was attractive enough to begin with (despite his frosty exterior). But the nice smokey eye he sported at the competition in combination with the way the lights caught them and made them flicker just so… No one really paid much attention to the rest of his appearance. Awarded: ‘Prettiest Peepers’

Jushiro:

*Keyone put in some serious work getting Jushiro ready, with constant (completely unhelpful) critiques from Sentaro. In the end, Rukia ended up stepping in to make sure their Captain was his usual beautiful self. He practically glowed under the stage lights and took everyone’s breath away. Awarded: ‘Best Legs’ after the judges got a view thanks to the thigh-high slit in his dress.

Shinji:

*Shinji was quite the sight to see. He already had the hair going for him - just long enough to aid the illusion of a feminine appearance. But he is rail thin. It took him half the day to work on padding his ass and thighs, then applying his fake boobs to give him the appearance of cleavage. He may have enjoyed a snickering fondling of his falsies before applying them but he won’t admit it. Awarded: ‘Best Smile’ - his red lipstick really made that toothy grin pop to perfection.

Yumichika:

*I mean really. Yumichika is the one person who’s life obsession is beauty. When the news was out that there was a Seireitei drag competition, Yumichika would stop at nothing to win. He spent all day on his makeup, and you can bet he looked flaw-less. Awarded: ‘Gives Good Face (Best Makeup)’ he was thoroughly disappointed. Yumichika expected ‘Most Beautiful’.

Rukia:

*Rukia pulled off a smokey grey western-style mens suit to perfection. It contrasted nicely with her violet eyes. She even managed to strut her stuff in perfect imitation of a man’s walk and body language (she copied Renji’s mannerisms to a T. His cheeks were as red as his hair). Awarded: ‘Best Boy (Most Accurate Portrayal’)

Honorable Mentions (aka: Who Tried and Failed - hard):

Shunsui:

*He was a little too invested in picking out his clothing and failed to leave enough time to cover his stubble when he was doing his makeup. His 5 O’Clock shadow was visible to half the audience. But his dress was pretty, so that’s something?

Kensei:

*He actually managed to use enough tape to get some impressive cleavage. Though he has the typical male problem of no hips, he surprised some of the crowd with a remarkably nice ass. However, since he refused to wear a dress with sleeves (he actually just couldn’t find one that fit), his massive biceps were a huge distraction to the audience - particularly the women.

Kenpachi:

*He was the other shocking entry of the night, convinced to take part by Yachiru. She even adorned his hair with her bone clip. However, there wasn’t enough makeup in the Seireitei to soften Kenpachi’s badass appearance. He ended up making a pretty scary looking woman, and the fact that he threatened to fight anyone who laughed (the sake flowed pretty liberally at the after-party) didn’t soften his appearance.

Rangiku:

*She ended up using so many layers of wrappings to try taming her impressive breasts, she ended up passing out backstage. The sad fact is, it was mostly for nothing. Rangiku learned another example of how her boobs simply cannot be contained.

~Overall, it was a nice night out and they raised more than their goal for the Seireitei’s Orphaned Children Fund. Mysterious, unnamed donations were largely to thank for that. Byakuya, Rukia, and Jushiro were the biggest donors though they wouldn’t admit it and refused to take any credit.

~Lisa ran off with one of Shinji’s falsies leaving him lopsided for the rest of the night.

~More than a few of the contestants were hit on by sake-inebriated members of the Gotei 13 before the night was over. Tetsuzaemon took a particular liking to Jushiro and Yumichika, before Renji took his glasses off and reminded him who they were.

[roraticent1980-blog]

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