I played one song in Guitar Hero the other day, and it's back.
The itch. The twitching fingers, the restless half-contortions when I listen to guitar-heavy tracks. The part of my hindbrain that I permanently rewired with years of hardcore obsession. I can feel it again.
I'm an old addict, you see, addicted to the rush of being really fucking good at something, and I just got my first hit of this particular drug in years. I played Guitar Hero and Rock Band for years, striving for perfect runs and high scores, ever higher and higher. I was "five-star Through the Fire and Flames" good. I was "win free beers in a bar all night" good, "hold the rapt attention of the whole bar as they all sing along to the songs I'm playing" good. I wasn't the best in the world, but I was much closer to being the best than I was to being middle of the pack.
And the itch is back.
It begs to be expressed, to be realized, to bring my fingers to life across the plastic fretboard. I can hear the faint whispers in the back of my mind, echoes of the drive that consumed me in my twenties, the drive to be incredible. One more song, it whispered, just one more song, and four hours later, when I was sweaty and sated, it would whisper, that was great, but you can do better tomorrow.
I don't think I have it in me to become that champion again--well, more like I don't have the time to become him again. There's too much going on in my life, too many things I want to do, so this restless itch will remain just that. The relentless inferno that consumed me years ago will remain, at most, a solitary candle flame, to flare up on the occasions when I can get in a co-op song with my housemate here and there.
Is that tragic? I think it might be, but...I'm in a different place, now, with different goals and different experiences. Is it sad that I won't challenge that particular summit again? Yes...but I'm happy with what I accomplished, and how many people can truly say that?
I was playing Guitar Hero and my guitar turned into a giant gummy sweet that still played. I put it down to get a drink then came back to find it being eaten by a giant fuzzy moth