#had this on loop since it released haha

[sysig]

A hero is only as good as his weapons, so make ‘em count (Patreon)

[fayes-fics]

It Had To Be You: Chapter 7 - A Thousand Flowers Could Bloom

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Pairing: Benedict Bridgerton x fem!reader, Modern AU

Summary: It was inevitably going to happen...

artwork credit @colettebronte

Warnings: 18+ smut, minors DNI, mild dom/sub undertones, frottage, dirty talk, light hair pulling and biting, vaginal sex.

Word Count: 4.3k (longest chapter to date, haha, is anyone surprised..)

Authors Note: A multi-chapter modern rom-com retelling of When Harry Met Sally. In this chapter, passions between Benedict and reader finally boil over. Yup, yup, the movie fades to black on the sex scene... I am not lolol. Please skip this chapter if you want to keep your reading PG-13/12A rated. There is no real plot here. Sorry it has taken me so long to write this; I got so nervous. Still not sure I like this very much. Thanks to ColetteBronte for the read through. Anyway, I hope you enjoy <3

It's a blur as the kiss deepens; Benedict’s tongue glances yours, a tentative swipe before entwining. Something sweeps through your being, throwing you overboard, tossing you into a tsunami wave, your mind reeling as your hands stay limp by your side, still taken by surprise this is happening.

“Ben,” you stutter breathlessly when he withdraws fractionally.

“Don’t,” he growls, “don't you dare use that big brain of yours; just shut up.” His thumb is heavy on your cheek as he cups your jaw. “Just shut the fuck up for once in your bloody life.”

So, for once, you do just that. Letting your hands do the talking, looping around his neck to pull him back to you. That is the permission he needs, and suddenly, you are being spun around and pressed into your own hallway wall, him bearing the whole length of his being into you. You feel like you are drowning in him. He is all you can see, smell, and breathe. 

Then, he obliterates every thought you have. Hunching down mid-kiss, he insinuates a warm thigh between your knees. Then he stands up straight, the meat of his substantial quad muscle snagging the seam of your sleep shorts, your clit mashed into your public bone, throbbing.

You mumble a curse into his mouth as his fingers locate the tab on your hoodie. The only sound is the slow release of the zip as he tugs it down and your own shallow panting over his lips as he does so. He smiles dangerously as the material parts, dropping it off your shoulders to the floor so you stand in tiny shorts and a white vest. 

There is a noise in the back of his throat as his eyes sweep down briefly, lingering on your peaked nipples, then slender fingers wrap around the crest of your hipbones and flex, indicating he wants you to move. To ride the thigh that he has you dangling upon, up on your tiptoes.

“Use me,” he mutters like velvet. “Go ahead.”

“I….” You seem almost incapable of speech, too strung out on the tidal wave of chemicals racing around your body. “…need sex, please,” aware it sounds reedy.

He unwinds your hands from around his neck and pins them to the wall at shoulder height.

“Ride my leg, and then we will have sex,” he orders slowly, a knowing smirk on your cheekbone. “Come on; you don't think I can tell how much you need it?” He places a hot kiss on your skin. “You've been aching to come since you straddled me hours ago; don’t deny it.”

Fuckkkk…. 

This is what his ex, Gen, meant all those years ago. ‘Knees weak, pussy strong’ is how she paraphrased what he could do to her. You thought it was her exaggerating; now you realise it wasn’t. It’s like he’s a different person to the Ben that you know, but fuck if it isn't blisteringly hot.

So when he relinquishes your wrists, you wrap around him again, undulating on his leg, pressing your cheek into his, the friction of the layers of fabric adding to your arousal. It feels so good you speed up, grasping his neck.

“Yes, that’s it,” he pants approvingly in your ear, gripping your hips again in encouragement. With every stroke, you bump against a solid mass in his jeans, which makes you feel frantic and impatient for more. To come, to fuck, to do everything he will let you.

“Ben…” his name like honey, tumbling from your lips in your heightened state. You are too cowardly to lean back and look at him, see yourself reflected in his eyes; it feels too much like admitting this is real. Or perhaps you’re simply worried it will break this fevered spell, that he will put a stop to it, leaving you throbbing and bereft.

“Stop thinking,” he drawls, his breath hot on your temple, intuiting you are disappearing too much into your thoughts again, your pace slowing as you slide on him. He squeezes your hips roughly to the point you squeak. “Do you want me to order you to do it?” the voice lethally low. “Is that what you want?”

“I… I…” words fail. You have no idea. 

He pulls back to cradle your jaw again, tilting your face to look at him. His hazy blue eyes are dilated to inky black, and his lips are flushed dark pink. “Y/n,” slow, sensual, rumbling from his ribcage, his fingertips warm on your cheeks. “When I tell you to do something, I mean it. Do it.” His thumb swipes your bottom lip. “Right now.”

“Help me,” it’s a desperate uncensored whisper.

“What do you need?” He smiles predatorily, his eyes sparkling in the low light.

“Hold me down; be firm,” confessing your desires. “Control me a bit.” You’ve never divulged that proclivity to any past lover, the craving for something with a hint of roughness, a light tussle. And yet, with your best friend, you can’t help but let it tumble out of you.

And perfect, perfect Ben, god, he obliges. 

The hand on your hip digs in as the other slides around the globe of your bottom cheek, and you squeal as he spanks there with a harsh flick.

“I told you to ride my leg,” his directive clipped but somehow still laced with a laid-back bemusement, “so do it.”

It's so perfect you feel an urge to shake him and yell ‘yes’ and ‘this’. But instead, you bite your lip and do as bidden, riding the rough creases in his jeans, letting the texture catch your swollen clit in your thin cotton shorts. It feels so good you shudder, but still, you crave more.

“I want to ride your jeans naked.” Again, you cannot suppress your runaway tongue.

He makes a noise that is almost feral; a sizeable, warm hand slides up your spine underneath your vest, ruching the fabric until it snags on your breasts at the front. Without prompting, you release briefly to strip off the top, then immediately wind around him again like a vine. The soft cotton of his shirt snags delightfully on your nipples, and you can feel his body heat seeping through the thin material. Moaning your approval as his fingers splay wide, touching the sensitive skin of your lower back, right above your shorts.

“Take these off,” he runs a feathery touch above the waistband, the tone gruff and challenging.

He dips slightly and backs away a half pace, just enough to give you room to strip off the last of your clothing. He has not so much as undone a button, but the bulge in his jeans makes you swallow hard as you shimmy off your shorts. He probably wasn't expecting you to be without underwear, based on the noise he makes. You are grateful you have recently trimmed (for a failed date, as it turns out). 

As your shorts hit the floor, he dives in for another mindblowing kiss. And before you know it, you are hauled back onto his thigh, completely naked, the denim feeling so perfect against your aching clit.

“You are so close, aren’t you?” he groans as your heat and wetness seep through his jeans, engulfing his quad. 

All you can do in response is nod, mildly embarrassed, bury your face in his neck and move again in earnest, making faint noises into his skin. The drag of fabric on your engorged clit is so intoxicating you couldn't stop if you wanted to. He murmurs encouragements, touch searing your skin, just this side of painful; you will likely carry his fingermarks tomorrow.

“Come on, that's it,” he encourages, shifting his leg to increase your range of motion, pressing his erection into your hipbone as you crash into him.

Over and over, you ride, getting faster and faster, chasing the high that feels so tantalisingly close, your skin turning dewy with exertion, his body heat enveloping you. You need something to make you break, and he intuits it. One hand slides up your back to grasp the hair at the base of your skull.

“Give it to me,” he orders duskily, an untamed look in his eye, twisting his grip until your hair is taut against your scalp.

Then, the other hand leaves your hip and insinuates between your bodies, grabbing your breast and pinching your nipple between his thumb and forefinger. The rush of sensation, a little rough, just as you requested, hurls you past the edge you were skating. Convulsing on his leg, he keeps his hold on your hair and nipple as you snap. Eyes rolling closed as you cry his name and curse, coming so hard the world goes fuzzy. Shuddering and shaking, him moving to brace your body upright with him as you writhe.

“That's it, yesssss,” his victorious hiss in your ear is breathy and impressed. 

There are a few moments of silence as you return to the room, so marvellously sated but somewhat mortified about what has just transpired.

“I…. I can't believe I did that,” you mutter into his skin, almost ashamed, even as your body still quivers from the best orgasm you can remember in many months.

“You were amazing,” he reassures into your ear.

“Don't ask me to look you in the eye,” you jest lightly, lips skimming his throat, unwilling indeed to meet his eye.

He chuckles, loosening his hold as he drops a kiss on your forehead.

“Are you honestly asking me to fuck you without looking at you?” he checks light-heartedly.

“I have an eye mask you can borrow,” you offer, giggling.

His responding laugh jiggles your whole body as he shifts to allow you back to your flat feet. Your leg muscles still twitching, still leaning into him for support.

“If you want to play with blindfolds, I am more than game,” he murmurs, cradling your face so you daren’t look away. This closeup and aroused he is a devastating sight, all cheekbones and blown pupils. And partnered with those words, in that hedonic tone, your insides are molten all over again. 

“Me too,” you whisper back.

Before you know it, he picks you up effortlessly and strides across the hallway toward your bedroom door. This is a seismic shift in your friendship, but as he lowers you gently onto your bed, all you feel is elation. Butterflies in your gut as he climbs on top of you, still fully clothed.

“Ben, what do I have to pay to get you naked?” you grumble good-naturedly, tugging at the shirt around his shoulders, your usual banter flaring despite this surprising development.

He laughs as his lips land on your neck, warm and plush, kissing a line down to your collarbone that is all at once too much and not enough. 

“I will get naked if you wear that blindfold you promised,” he jokes, your breath catching as you feel his chin stubble catch on the swell of your breast.

“Nuh-uh,” you shake your head, smiling as he pouts up at you, eyes sparkling. 

The fact that the playfulness is still there makes you feel light as air, floating on feathers, him holding your gaze and slipping lower so the tip of his nose brushes your nipple.

“I was right all those years ago,” he inhales almost lewdly. “You really do have a fantastic pair of tits.” He looks up at you from your chest through heavy lashes with that same deadly lopsided smile from years ago, the one he gave you on the train, and once again, it makes you flush from head to toe.

“Naked Bridgerton, now,” you riposte with faux scolding, raising an eyebrow. 

This would have been a very effective response had he not chosen that precise moment to envelope your nipple into his mouth and suck hard, instead making you call out, eyes fluttering closed as your spine curls up off the bed, the heat and suction perfect. Swirling his tongue around and using an edge of teeth, swapping to the other side to do the same before you open your eyes. Then he kisses his way back up, claiming another fiery kiss. As you go to weakly protest again about him being too clothed, he sits up and whips the shirt off over his head instead of undoing it, throwing it aside as your eyes fall open.

“What the fuck?!” It's an unbidden but honest response to the sight before you. 

In the low light cast by your bedside lamp, he is all defined, sculpted lines—a shape you didn't think real humans came in. He laughs slightly abashed as you keep staring, raising up onto your elbows to drink in the view. You know he is in shape from the feel of his body when you hug him, but just how buff momentarily stuns you. 

“You look like a bloody Michelangelo sculpture,” you declare, compounding his coyness.

“If you keep this up, I'm not taking off my jeans,” he warns demurely, in a voice that is both amused and humble.

You mime zipping your mouth shut and throwing away a key as he leans in laughing and busses a brief kiss on your lips. Your hands map his tapered torso, revelling in the supple, warm skin and contoured, lithe muscles and the catch in his throat as you do so. You pull him down on top of you; the weight and warmth of his naked chest meeting yours makes you hungry in a way you haven't felt for years. Eventually, you reach the waistband of his jeans, circling to the front and rapidly flicking open the button of his fly. He squeaks quietly into your passionate kiss, taken aback by your boldness.

“No going back now,” you warn as you carefully lower the zip of his fly over his straining cock.

“I think that ship sailed when I felt your orgasm on my thigh,” he replies drolly, as your eyes briefly fall to the damp patch you left there, cheeks flushing. 

His bravado falters when you push his jeans down his slim hips, delving inside the back of his underwear to grab the peachy solid mass of his bottom. He groans into your cheek, and his mouth finds yours again. There is a wave of body heat as you shimmy his underwear and jeans down his leg, unseen as you kiss almost artlessly. He takes over, squirming his way out of them until they are also flung off the bed. You don't see his cock, but he presses down onto you as soon as he is naked, and you feel it brand your thigh, sizeable and hot.

“Let me see,” you almost whine, petulant.

He huffs a laugh, grabs your wrist, and guides your hand between your bodies. There, nestled within a patch of lightly trimmed hair, you feel the steely warmth of his cock. 

“Ben,” you stumble out as you encircle the heated mass, feeling a trickle escape your body as you begin to pump him lightly, a thumb swiping the sticky precum at his head, loving the way it makes him stutter and moan into your mouth.

“Fuck,” he sounds winded, pulsing under your fingers.

“Are you okay?”

“Sorry, it's been… uhh… ages since someone else touched my cock,” he rushes out, sheepish.

The honesty makes something melt behind your ribs; this wonderful, handsome man, still recovering from heartbreak, has not had sex in so long that you want to give him - your best friend - everything, a need to please him burning bright. Not wishing to dwell on consequences, what any of this might mean after tonight.

“What do you want, Ben?” you query softly as you pump his cock in your fist.

“You,” he answers sweetly, plainly, breathily, “just you.” He tilts his head and sighs into your neck. “It's been so long since I had sex that I'm not certain I can satisfy you. It’s why I made you to come before; I couldn't bear to leave you in need.”

The vulnerable admission, a true friend confiding in another, makes you crave him, this, even more. The glibness of your recent casual hookups thrown into stark relief in this singular moment of intimate honesty. It's what has been missing from sex since your breakup with Tom. The shorthand that comes from knowing someone so well artifice crumbles; them able to see through all the layers you can hide behind with strangers.

“I bet you are better than you think,” the need to reassure seizing you. “The way you took control earlier was exactly what I needed. Then there is this…,” you squeeze his cock a little, “...now I understand why Gen said she would miss you so much,” you add unabashed, enjoying the feel of his unseen demure smile against your jaw. 

“So you liked when I took control?” he queries, shifting the subject.

“Oh god, yes,” you avow, a little frisson racing down your spine at the memory from moments earlier, your grip flexing around his cock as you do so.

“Do you want me to do it again?” his cadence lowers to something more decadent as he removes your hand and traps it on the pillow next to your head.

“Yes, please,” it’s almost too keen.

Again, the noise he makes is an elixir, elation coursing in your veins. His long fingers lacing with yours, holding you down firmly, his mass weightier as he bears you down onto the mattress. 

“Do you want me to fuck you?” he rumbles, teeth grazing the sensitive spot below your ear. Your reply in the affirmative is a shaky exhale, a skitter of excitement across your skin at the very idea. “What was that?” his tone suddenly brusque, pushing up to look down upon you, his eyes boring into yours as he surges his cock, branding your inner thigh.

“Yes,” you enunciate crisply, struggling against his control, even though it’s precisely where you want to be, a smile tugging at the corner of your lips as his fingers sink further between yours, stretching your knuckles wide apart. He claims you in a vehement kiss, leaving you whimpering around his invading tongue, the tip of his cock rocking against your clit.

“Tell me you want me,” he orders, breath hot on your face, his hands still pinning you under him.

“I want you,” you answer reflexively, as simple and true as breathing. 

He nuzzles your face, his cock sliding temptingly through your slick folds as you shudder, your pebbled nipples catching on the slab of his pectoral muscles, sighing shakily as he gently bites the shell of your ear. He surges his cock again, this time slipping lower, teasing your entrance, parting you with his tip. You inhale sharply at the warm mass, pressing insistently, not quite at the right angle to slip fully inside yet. 

“Do you still have your IUD?” he asks quietly, the domineering mask slipping momentarily, releasing your wrists. 

“Yes, just get inside me, please,” you respond, soft but fervent, raking fingertips down his back, loving the heated contours that flex as he moves to angle better.

Then, eleven years after you first idly thought of it on that drive down to London from Scotland, Benedict Bridgerton finally slides inside your body. 

A blunt warmth spearing you open in a way that feels so good it makes your throat catch, and your eyes roll back in your head. A curse falls from you as he keeps going, finding your hilt as he bottoms out. The perfect fit, just the right side of an ache as you stretch around him. He exhales raggedly into your cheek and stills.

“Move please,” you implore, greedy for more, grabbing his bottom impatiently.

“Give me a moment,” he appeals, breaking persona again, the heat of his body cloaking yours.

“Please,” you coax gently, “Benedict.” You add, almost as an afterthought, using his formal name as if to underline the seriousness of your request.

He makes a noise and lifts to look down at you. “Call me that again,” he commands gravelly, overwrought.

“Benedict,” you repeat as if a tasty morsel you can’t resist.

He makes a hungry noise and withdraws slightly, surging back into you in a way that has your whole body rolling under him with the force of it. You groan, hands flexing on his body, your tongue pressing into the back of your front teeth, quelling the urge to call out how good it already feels.

Your walls cling to him as he sets a languid but perfect rhythm. Breathing each other's air, exploring damp skin, lips meeting repeatedly in loose, open-mouthed kisses. Once again, he grabs your hands and manoeuvres them above your head, holding you down, stretching your arms so your body cants up, your nipples grazing his chest.

“You have no idea how many times I've fantasised of this moment for so many years,” he rasps, making your breath hitch with his words and a change of angle that catches a new spot inside. “And yet, this is better,” he continues, dropping a kiss in your hair.

“Same,” you confess succinctly.

A triumphant crooked smile claims his face, and then he thrusts forcefully, wringing a loud moan from your lungs, your head smashing into the pillow as your hips tilt up in a silent request for more. Yearning for him to fuck you so hard that you feel a physical reminder; for your body to carry a tangible memory of it. 

“You want more, don't you?” he intuits, pride colouring his tone.

“Yes,” you hiss, conscious he can read you effortlessly. 

He snaps his hips in response, and you feel a tug deep inside where he nudges your hilt. It feels so good you gasp and fight to release your hands from above your head, desperate to grab his bum cheeks again and haul him deeper into you.

“Nuh-uh,” he chides bemused, shooting you a pointed look, “you do as I say, remember?” 

You struggle underneath him, eyes blazing as you stare into his glassy pupils, telegraphing silently this is precisely what you want, making a show until you finally settle and curl your bottom lip under your teeth, nodding meekly as he restarts at a leisurely pace.

“Good girl.” He even winks.

Oh fucking hell.

Your pussy pulses around him, betraying how much you like that line. 

“Oh, you like that, don’t you?” he smirks, the smug, cocky persona he can slip into so easily fitting him like a glove. The ghost of Benedict-past rearing - that troublesome young playboy you recall from years ago. 

He chuckles richly when you don’t give him the satisfaction of a verbal response, somehow the spectre of your younger, indignant self joining the party, too.

“Don’t forget: I can tell when you’re lying,” he murmurs into your jaw, still fucking you slow and thoroughly, sliding his lips down your neck, your collarbone, down to your nipple that he bites, making you cry out. “I know you of old…” he adds, pausing for you to catch the reference.

“Shakespeare…,” you stumble incredulously.

“Mmm hmm,” he confirms, tracing a teasing circle around your areola with the tip of his tongue.

“You quote Shakespeare while you fuck?!” your tone incredulous. “You don’t fight fair,”

He laughs again before silencing any retort you may have with another heated kiss, entwining your limbs, wrapping like a protective vine around you as he begins thrusting keenly. You move with him, uncaring how vocal you are, the need for more inexorable. You stare into each other's eyes as you move in perfect synchronism, faster and harder, grabbing flesh, whispered words and endless kisses. It’s never been quite like this before.

“Come for me again,” he pleads hotly, and you can see he is teetering close to the edge now, a little vein pulsing in his temple, his neck corded, a sheen over his body where his pace never wavers.

“So close,” you vow, needing just a little more friction to fall into that abyss again.

You groan as he grabs your hand and sucks your fingers into his hot mouth, swirling his tongue around them, then releases them with an obscene pop, guiding your wettened fingers between your bodies to the apex of your thighs, silently instructing you to touch yourself. Gasping and canting up into his body, your own slippery touch like a lightning rod on your clit.  He growls as your pussy tightens around him responsively, feeling so huge as he ploughs into you.

Only a few flicks of your fingers and you are hurtling towards mindless bliss, eyes closing and body going taut, then snapping like a string as you peak, every fibre of your body fracturing as you call his name and constrict tight around his cock, fingernails leaving crescent shapes on his back as you float somewhere outside your body, mind blanking out in sheer pleasure.

Distantly, you hear him following you over, his grip almost punishing as he takes a few last frantic pumps, then stills, emptying deep inside, chanting your name into your neck as his whole body shudders and collapses on top of you.

As you flop back onto the mattress, your body sated, your thoughts race. Probably the best sex of your damn life. Even as he slides next to you, pulling you into his arms, your mind whirls until your scattered thoughts coalesce into one singular truth that makes you chew on your lip and frettingly stare at the ceiling - it was too good, too tender, too raw and honest for a first time. But all you want to do is repeat it. Over and over and over. Just never let him out of your bedroom. Except this is your best friend, and you have no bloody idea where you stand now.

Well… fuckity fuck.

Benedict taglist: @makaylan @foreverlonginguniverse @iboopedyournose @colettebronte @aintnuthinbutahounddog @severewobblerlightdragon @margofiore @writergirl-2001 @heeyyyou @enichole445 @enchantedbytomandhenry @ambitionspassionscoffee @chaoticcalzoneranchsports @nikaprincessofkattegat @baebee35 @crowleysqueenofhelll @bridgertontess @fiction-is-life @lilacbeesworld @angels17324 @broooookiecrisp @queen-of-the-misfit-toys @eleanor-bradstreet @divaanya @musicismyoxygen84 @benedictspaintbrush @miindfucked @sorryallonsy @lilithseve @cayt0123 @hottytoddyhistory @truly-dionysus @fictionalmenloversblog @zinzysstuff @malpalgalz @panhoeofmanyfandoms @kinokomoonshine @causeimissu @delehosies @Mlovesbridgerton @m-rae23 @last-sheepp @kmc1989 @desert-fern @starkeylover @corpseoftrees-queen @jeanfreau @magical-spit @bunnyweasley23 @how-many-stars-in-the-sky @amygdtjhddzvb

[cindersnows]

short essay thing i wrote in avf about plural tsc that i feel like people should see bc its so interesting to me

just to preface i highly highly doubt this is all intentional on alan+teams part due to the fact that plurality is just ,, not that well known. also im not too knowledgable on non traumagenic systems and all the stuff surrounding that so i will just be speaking from what i know from my own experience + research

so anyways. from the start of sec's life she has been kind of in a high stress situation. from the getgo she had to hide her existence from alan due to likely knowing the fate of the other living sticks he has made + the fact that she very much isnt supposed to be alive. she lets her guard down, makes friends, and then almost instantly theyre all deleted. although did and osdd1 form from long-term trauma (often accompanied by cptsd) and all of this only happened in a few minutes, at the very least this provides the basis for some sort of dissociation

theres a moment where she glitches and changes to black for a second. obviously back then this was intended to be an allusion to the fact that she's the chosen one's return, since alan+team hadn't planned ava s2 yet and tco was just regular dead atp, but its interesting to consider the sudden change in her personality. shes not even shown to be overly angry like she usually is, just a. Calm?? specifically the same calm that preceeds her beating up tdl in ava s2.

notably that moment in s2 where she unlocks her powers is like. sudden change in personality and demeanor, suddenly gaining the powers, and memory loss afterwards. even though she only really switches between two "modes" it's reminiscent of switching between two alters (while its uncommon for a system to have only two alters it's not unheard of, especially in cases of osdd-1a where theres not much distinction between personality states).

i said ava/e specifically because the aveducation videos in particular provide a very interesting insight into tsc's psyche. while alan said in his avg avma video that the series isn't canon, a few things about the series have already been retconned. avphys was originally supposed to be the last entry in the series, but with avma+avphys+avgeo's massive success and the lead animator's interest in these sort of topics i wouldn't be surprised if they continued to make more, especially considering that they're now interconnected via avgeo. phi, who appeared at the end of avma, is the protagonist of avgeo, and there's that scene at the end that teases avphys that i'll also get into in a sec because it's very interesting.

about why i think it represents tsc's psyche specifically and not just some math dimensions that tsc happens to stumble upon: in the avg avma video dj proposes the dream theory, that this is all happening in a dream during ava s3. noncanon of course but considering alan himself knows about it and ave seems to be gaining some kind of overarching arc, as well as the fact that its releasing between ava s3 episodes (which is going to focus on tsc's powers) i wouldn't be surprised if the episodes slowly grow more and more representative of her mental state as she works towards properly unlocking her powers

anyways speculation aside. avphys introduces a second second (haha). this is explained through the mechanics of time loops and whatnot, but at the same time, the hat tsc seems to know a lot more than regular tsc, having.. basically created the universe. even if our tsc can then explain this to the next tsc, hat tsc is shown to literally create the entire universe avphys takes place in (again tying back to her powers of creation) and also act much calmer and composed compared to our tsc. it seems like hat tsc is somewhat representative of the state tsc gets into when she unlocks her powers, shown both times in ava s1 and 2. shes cool and mysterious and all knowing i want her so bad

the scene at the end of avgeo is the most compelling thing for this idea (and the push that made me go "ohhhh my god multiplies her). hat tsc appears once more, this time seemingly wanting to communicate more with our tsc, but being cut short by tsc getting surprised and falling. the most interesting part to me is the imagery in this part— there's tons and tons of tsc's, all reflected, and being reflections makes them slightly different from what we see (of course light refraction will always make things appear slightly different; discolored, blurred, flipped etc). hat tsc is framed as Also a reflection despite being shown as different person/personality state.

i just got back from dinner and lost my train of thought. im not sure if this is enough for other people to consider her plural but at the very least i feel like interpreting her as such does enhance one's reading and understanding of her, as well as how you write her (for those who do).

[victimcentral]

John's second victim

This is written super quickly and might be kind of long but bare with me! I think I found something regarding Mikoto's case! Theory under cut :D

Ever since the trial 2 ending video I been thinking non stop about the fact that seemingly it confirmed the theory that John was a serial killer, for context ever since Double released I was in the belief that John only killed one person (the blonde guy we see in MeMe) and that his memories were just fragmented (since he was still forming during the events of the murder) leaving him to believe he killed multiple people (especially considering how dismissive and well how he doesn't seem to recall much about it, only remembering the fact that he wanted to protect Mikoto). Of course now we know that Milgram basically told us Mikoto is one of the people in Milgram with one of the most kills (idk why they translated to “the most kills” when Shidou is right there, but in jp it’s more like “one of the most”). 

This led me to question, how and who. For John’s blonde victim who for now I will call Blondie, I had a pretty good idea on how the murder and everything happened, I won't get into detail since it would take a lot of time to cover, my oomfie made a post that I agree with. Tldr Annoying coworker Mikoto was not very fond of, pent up rage for this person led to John killing him to get rid of this “stress” that was causing Mikoto (maybe someday I will go more in depth with this idea). But then there was the problem that, ever since the trial end video, I started to notice that MeMe in fact does show two victims, Blondie (the train murder), and… another person. 

From the framing of everything, John wearing the same clothes during both murders, and that it’s shown that it happened on the same night, I concluded John killed two people in the same event, but… my main question was, who was this second victim, I had a pretty solid theory on who Blondie guy, but this second person was a complete mystery to me, I reread everything to try and see if there were other clues but really I had nothing, we don’t even have a design for this person, but we know it exists because of the Undercover crime location, it matches up pretty well with where we see John kill this second person.

(Especially the wires)  Meanwhile we know Blondie died by the train, so no doubt about it. (I mean he died in a sort of tunnel place, where we can see here clearly they are more in the open, we can see the sky..!)

While talking to my friends about it this night, rewatching MeMe on loop to try and see something, I spotted something interesting: In the scene that we see Blondie crawling away, the screen has like the same effect on the edges as when we see a person walking towards Kayano at the start of MeMe, this effect is supposed to resemble the inside of an eye, as if we are seeing from the point of view of a person.

In both of these scenes we can see that the “screen” blinks, making it obvious we are seeing from the perspective of a person. 

And it’s not just some visual effect of the scene, as we can see when the scene zooms in, the effect is nowhere to be found.

But look, during the murder, this eye like effect is on full display

This person is no other than the second victim. And this shows that victim two witnessed the murder of Blondie, they saw John kill, and once John noticed he killed them to keep away from anyone knowing. Basically victim two is just a witness who saw the first murder, ran away, and got killed. We can tell they ran away since the crime location in MeMe is noticeably somewhat close to where the train station is. (Credits to Doctor Bunny, I wouldn't have been able to notice this haha)

in here I will lay out how I think the events happened, because my wording probably doesn’t make any sense lolll

also this could explain all the imagery of Mikoto feeling “observed” in both MeMe and Double images here

(in fact, we even see the same effect on the edges as the victim two pov in here lol)

(All the eyes… he is being observed)

And to add last, it would make sense of John’s statement of “killing whoever was passing by”, because truth be told, that second victim truly was just a random person that was passing by, who just happened to witness the murder. 

Thx for reading! This probably makes no sense since I literally just noticed this and wanted to talk about it! In the future I may rewrite this honestly… this is prolly written like shit LMAOO, just wanted to spread the idea around :D! And if someone came up with it before and I never noticed it, let it be known :o !! Sorry if that’s the case haha ^^’ And if I explained somth awfully and want me to elaborate let me know pls!! I love rambling bout Milgram haha

[dykrophone]

OH MY GOD. KAVYA AS MY FAV OLIVIA STAN HAVE YOU SEEN SHES RELEASED GUTS (SPILLED) WITH ALL THE BONUS TRACKS ON THE DIFFERENT VINYLS

HELL YEAH I'VE HAD THEM ON LOOP SINCE MIDNIGHT STRANGER IS MY NEW EX BFF PROJECTING ANTHEM AND SO AMERICAN IS SO FUCKING CUTE EVEN THOUGH IT'S ABOUT AMERICAN AND BRITISH HETEROSEXUALS IT'S SO MY SISTER AND HER BF CODED FIRST LOVE SONG BY LIV ON STREAMING IM OBSESSED (haha)

[elkkiel]

okay so i listened to the summoning and take me back to eden (it autoplayed so i figured i might as well listen it to it) and. wow. not what i expected at all! i'm a big fan of songs shifting genres and it looks like they do that for all of their songs so thats really cool!!

i would love to listen to any more reccomendations you have, since typically i enjoy music that's faster paced. i really really liked the summoning though, and the lyrics for take me back to eden. wow. like. WOW. i did research into their lore and it bangs so damn hard

thanks for the rec :)

(also, sorry about the a/b/o stuff with other fandoms :( i love talking about it for pwp reasons and socioeconomic theorizing reasons so my blog is a safe place for that stuff if you want :))

I am absolutely elated that you like what you've heard so far!!!! And also so so sorry for the rabbit hole you're going to fall down with these guys

I would honestly recommend the whole Take Me Back to Eden album as a new listener—I looped it for practically a month straight when I first found them haha. It's a great sampler of their range and by far the most refined, cohesive release of their main 3 LPs.  

Beyond just getting you to listen to a whole album in one sitting, here's some of their popular songs/singles:

(Btw, there's a TON of good live recordings for some of these as well; they sound just as good, if not better, on stage as they do in-studio)

Alkaline

This is the one with the sexy banner/mic stand stroking lol. It's a sensual, synth-y intro leading into a hell of a headbanger with chuggy guitars

The Summoning

Mentioning this for the live performances in particular. Vessel goes CRAZY with his live vocals, there's a huge drum solo in that atmospheric part, and a LOT of on-stage shenanigans to be had. It's the song that made them blow up HARD, and for a good reason.

Rain (ty @tonguetyd for the rec lol, here's a last-minute addition)

This is another great sample of Vessel's vocals, especially in the intro. It starts slower with the solo piano but gets really powerful in the second half. A personal and fan-favourite for sure!

Hypnosis

If you vibe with Alkaline, you'll vibe with Hypnosis. It's like ultra-concentrated, pathetic sopping wet paper towel levels of yearning with groovy, heavy breakdowns

The Offering

A setlist staple that'll make you want to dive headfirst into the nearest mosh pit. This is a good example of the music tying into the lore/story behind the band as well, if you're interested in that kind of lore analysis

Jaws

An oldie but a fan favourite! It might just be me but it kinda gives me Bring Me the Horizon vibes, so if you like them then you'll probably like Jaws as well

Vore

Yes, it's called Vore. Welcome to Sleep Token lol. It's one of their heaviest songs with lots of harsh vocals (Vessel really shows off his higher range here) and super groovy, dynamic instrumentals. Personal fave tbh, it's at the top of my Spotify repeats playlist

And finally, the lore 🥰🥰 I've only been here a short time and still have yet to discover a lot of their story, but here's an overview of the band history and lore, as well as an in-depth interview with Vessel from 2017. They like to add a lot of Easter eggs to their releases (they created a whole ass alphabet/cypher to go along with Take Me Back to Eden), and the fans go WILD with theories and analysis!

Anyways I'm gonna cut off the infodump there haha. Please let me know what you think and if you run across anything else (songs, lore, etc.) that you liked!!

(Also ty for the omega solidarity 😌 the sleep token fandom is so much fun and still exists in the same weirdo-freak realm as dtblr omegaverse-enthusiasts lol. There's just far less *actual* omegaverse here.

I've been spoiled by the sheer amount of a/b/o content and normalization in the dteam fandom that normal amounts of fandom a/b/o feel like total deprivation. If you ever feel like sharing I'm always down for theories and headcanons too btw. It's such a fun, complex trope and I love to see what others think)

[not-the-dum-e]

Definitely gonna need to read lyrics for these songs, the music is so interesting.

Drum Beat

Straight off, great choice for title track, it's such a catchy, feel good song that sets up the pace for the rest of the album.

Onew's rapping is so good in this, it suits the song perfectly a highlight on a song full of great moments.

I love the outro, that kinda talky bit at the end sounds so nice I don't even know why but hm, hits just right.

I wish it was longer, I could listen to a five minute version of it, but I will have to settle for looping it ┐⁠(⁠￣⁠ヘ⁠￣⁠)⁠┌

Hola!

The vocal melody in the beginning of the verses reminds me a lot of latin american pop from the 70s and 80s. It's such a strange thing to me because the song instrumental itself (sans the percusion) is very different, taking sounds more specific to bosa nova, at least that is what it sounds like to me, I had not heard that combination before and gives me a strange sense of familiarity and nostalgia (at this point I was interrupted by Onew's live lol)

Made me wonder if the latin influence is on purpose, since the title is hola, if so 10/10 executed perfectly. Why haven't i heard any latin american artists do something like this?(if anyone has any recs for something that has this same kind of sound, in any language, but specially spanish please let me know)

Maestro

Contender for favorite on the album from the first listen, the bass line, the syncopation and how spacious? the chorus sounds. Floaty, idk you get what I'm saying?

The robotic voice too just fits the mood, the entire song is full of so many textures and layers, pulling forward and falling back, it's so engaging.

It reminds me a little of MGMT's Little Dark Age, but with the added charm of melodic breaks that are more grounded.

To say that I love it is just not enough.

Shape of My Heart

There is this sound in the background, that sounds to me like someone is carving/shaving ice? or perhaps sharpening a blade, i need lyrics for this one haha.

Either way the piano chords sound kinda out of tune at times, like a really old piano; or perhaps it's like a distortion —like the piano is coming in and out of focus, some chords are rattly, out of tune. This song has a lot of interesting stuff going on in the background.

The outro though, it feels like suddenly everything is finally sorted out, every element fits together by the end, the vocal melody, the chords on the piano stop sounding distorted, and it all sounds melodic and sweet. Also those backing harmonies to boost that feeling of order and peace, where before everything was extremely chaotic, going in and out of focus.

It sounds like resolution, i really need the lyrics for this one. I looped it a lot just to get this down, it's such an interesting sounding song.

월화수목금토일 (All Day)

Now I've been listening to this one quite a lot since it came out, and it still is such a feel good kinda song, which seems to be a thread through this whole album, it's so catchy no wonder he picked it for a pre-release.

It showcases his vocals beautifully, what else can I say?

Focus

The synths, the dramatic rests, come on.

I think Shape of My Heart took most of my brain power cause I'm struggling to come up with more than that, but it's a great song, great closer.

The instrumentals in the whole album compliment his voice perfectly, I can't imagine how hard it was to pick the title, half the songs in the album could be strong contenders for title.

I do wish the songs were a bit longer though, but that is just a teeny tiny thing, really.

I keep thinking about it and there is a lot of joy in this album, idk why i got that impression, because it's not like all the songs are happy, maybe it's just Beat Drum, All Day, and Hola!.

I love it so much.

It is just as 'Onew like' as Circle, even though it is so different.

I hadn't really realized how much I had missed him during this hiatus, and it seems to have hit me all at once now. I'm so happy that he is back and maybe that plays a role on it too.

It does seem like the ten months of rest did wonders for him and I can feel a huge amount of joy in the music. He seems to be really happy to be back making music again, and it shows in every second of this album.

He really seems to know how to express himself through music, and it's just wonderful to be here to witness it💖

[buttsnorkeler69420]

HI HOWS THE ALBUM (← insane)

you know how when l(glu) was released april said this:

[image ID: a screenshot of text from a page on the song lyric website genius. it reads, "underscores said, 'Everything was too sad. I wanted to have some fun.' the text is white on a dull grey background.]

i underestimated it and i am having a TIME. um so i wrote up some thoughts i had on every song (i don't really know how to properly talk about music but i really like underscores so i am going to say things anyway haha)

(SPOILERS FOR WALLSOCKET BY UNDERSCORES BEYOND THIS POINT. content warnings for songs discussing grooming, war, suicidal ideation and transphobia.)

track 1: Cops & Robbers

i remember mentally exploding when i saw the thumbnail for this pop up on youtube. every time i hear the beginning guitar section my brain chemistry just is like... YEAHHHHHH ITS WALLSOCKET TIME!!!!!! this song just feels so so fun—the "haha gotcha" tone of it, and the speed and energy, and the part where it's like "and its full of all of your money / yEAHHH!!!"—i looped this thing so much until the other singles came out (and then i looped those. a lot.)

i love love love the bridge of this song and it gets stuck in my head all the time

track 2: Locals (Girls Like Us)

it's another underscores and gabby start banger!!!!!!! i love the songs both of these artists make and this one is no exception. immediately when the intro started i was like YEAHHH!!!! and then when the spoken "good luck" suddenly turned into that loud sample "Good Luck!" i was honestly startled enough to jump the first time i listened to it.

this is one of the songs where i don't really get the full symbolism behind everything yet (the whole horse section in the gabby part... basically gabby's entire part actually because i am not sure what the things they mention symbolize)

i really like how the repeating words mantra extends basically throughout the whole song in different ways, and the chorus is so so catchy

track 3: Duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

i really enjoy the wordplay underscores uses in her lyrics a lot... like how she describes a fishing lure to play into the "taking the bait" theme in the chorus (at first i was like "huh??? what colorful piece of plastic?" and then i was like OHHHHH!!!!) and how she indirectly alludes to things ("the name of my illness/is just one letter short of my own" - S*nny is five letters and i think this song is about S*nny's queer identity so the four letter word being referenced here might be LGBT??? not sure / and the "my favorite animal is engraved on the sides of my ribs" which i currently don't know the meaning of, but the person on Genius who suggested it was a reference to the creation of Eve makes a really cool point)

the transition in this song to the Patented Louder Ending Section is just soooooo soooo pretty... it gets me every time...

shoutout to this "OH" in particular.

track 4: You Don't Even Know Who I Am

originally when this song came out (both unofficially in "The Story of S*nny", then its official release), it honestly was not my favorite, but now it gets stuck in my head a lot and i don't mind at all! the singing and effects pair really well together. I also really like the intermittent beeping sounds that occasionally show up.

edit: i was lucky enough 2 be able to go to a live show and OH MY GOD was this song SOOOO cool in it. the freaking lightbulb effect is so cool when i realized what was going on with it i screamed

originally when i first started listening to this song i really liked the last loud bit but now i'm not really sure why but it's kind of off to me now? i dont know maybe something about the notes is a little weird to my ears but i still enjoy

track 5: Johnny johnny johnny

oh my god. OHHHHHHHH MY GODDDDD. this song has been stuck in my head since my first listen and will probably stay that way for the next month or so. this song is so amazing. IMMEDIATELY i was extremely intrigued by the way it opened (i had never heard of the Johnny, Johnny hand game thing before, and upon looking it up i was like OH MAN you KNOW the song is going to be mind blowing when it has LAYERS like this).

i think my first impression with this song was that it kind of reminds me a lot of underscores's MARINA covers?? like in a really good way, since i think underscores has mentioned marina as an inspiration and it's so cool seeing how many kinds of music she can make

i also love how like... expressive underscores's voice is, even in ad-libs and effects like the repeated "whoops!" in this song... it adds so much to the atmosphere and the um. growing dread as you realize what this song is about and are more and more aware of the juxtaposition between its topic and its tone. (the "johnny's gonna be the one who finally makes me real" line gets me every time in particular.... aaaaaaa)

this song's climax near the end is also just so so cool... i love how it takes a ton of elements that showed up earlier in the song and suddenly puts them all together (the "johnny johnny johnny johnny whoops" chant suddenly appearing alongside the chorus and transforming as the two are played at the same time)

track 6: Shoot to kill, kill your darlings

HIP, HIP... HOORAY!!! ough. this song. man. MAN. i am so crazy about how well this song tells a detailed story while still being catchy and fun to listen to (same with pretty much the rest of the album too haha) because that is such an impressive feat. the repeating gun sound impacts between verses are so crunchy i love them.

the line where it's like "he doesn't like what she chooses to do with her body / but he's given over his body as well / you'd think he'd get it more than anyone else"... OUGH...

this song is originally written in a very like... mostly conversational tone, but it's just so so fitting when at the end, OMB just accepts that her friend is going to go to war anyway, and to reflect this mood change, underscores just. drops all the fancy lingo and straight up repeats "I just don't want you to die" as the instrumental deteriorates. OUGH$$$))

track 7: Horror movie soundtrack

for some reason i was not expecting the banjo? guitar? notes that played in the album trailer to actually be a part of one of the songs in the actual album itself, and when that familiar tune started up, i immediately got chills and was like "OH SO WE'RE DOING THIS NOW".

god. the "you won't get away with this" being introduced as a calmer line that is mostly said like a quiet vengeful promise to becoming a big part of the crescendo is so so cool.

track 8: Old money bitch

i think this song was definitely my favorite of the singles when it came out because i could NOT stop listening to it and thinking about it when i wasn't listening to it. it is so so catchy. i didn't know where this sound would be in the album because i didn't have the tracklist memorized and it was such a gutpunch to hear it RIGHT after Horror Movie Soundtrack; we listeners just got to peek at OMB's current state of mind--her fears of losing her friend and her bitterness towards everyone except her friends and maybe "the girls"?--and then we IMMEDIATELY see that mara is bashing her on TOP of that. bonus points if mara happens to be included in "the girls"--I think this song does imply that OMB and mara were originally on good terms before their "first big fight" at a birthday party.

track 9: Geez Louise

i was NOT expecting to hear a rock/metal song from this album and i was smiling so hard when this came on. honestly surprised that i WASN'T expecting this because she makes so many different things but omg.

during my first time listening to the album, i'd remembered there was a song with a 7 minute timestamp in the trailer, but i forgot what song it was and by the time the album was over i was still waiting for the seven minute song. this song really does not feel longer than an average song to me somehow and it still feels only like three minutes every time i come back to listen to it.

i just... MAN. this song first being loud and angry and resentful, then bitter and dismissive with the "we don't have to talk about it", then suddenly transitioning into a feeling of like... an epiphany about identity in henhouse!'s part, is so so cool. the repeating "we don't have to talk about it" suddenly becomes like... an admittance of a sudden unspoken kinship. it's so... augh...

i had never heard about henhouse! before this song and after i was done with the album i immediately went searching and was shocked to only find one song... i am so excited to see more from henhouse! in the future though

track 10: Seventyseven dog years

hold on... is that the scream sample brakence uses in hypochondriac????? (maybe it just sounds similar haha)

the "do do ee oo ee oo oh oh"s in the background fading in and out are so pleasant and the crunchy texture of the drums in this one are so nice and i really like how the song transitions very nicely in and out of busy-ish loud and quiet sections

it's a little hard to hear the vocals during the louder parts but still a very cool experience!

i don't really know what the significance of dogs in this album is yet but i am curious because they've popped up a couple times (this song, the whole "ilovemydog77" password, arg and song thing)... i wonder if it has something to do with "dog" being an anagram for "god"

track 11: Uncanny long arms

ohhhhhh my god oh my god. i already knew this song was gonna be crazy because JANE REMOVER but man. i got interrupted in my first listen during the first verse of this song but i was so bewitched by the vocals that i had the chorus stuck in my head until i kept listening. another AWESOME example of how much vocals have been growing and evolving since the past albums... all the singing in here is so good and this song is just captivating.

the echoey louder part of the chorus ("and i saw that my hands were in a different place than before"/"and i woke up and felt my hands all on the carpet") transitioning into that ADDICTIVE "i can touch my toes/without bending over") is just so so pretty.

AND THEN THAT PART WHERE IN JANE'S SECTION IT DROPS OFF FROM THOSE VOCALS INTO A CRAZY EFFECTS ZONE. when the vocals suddenly break off and stutter and you suddenly honestly feel a little scared at where the song is going and then it fades gently into strings and more echoey vocals. GAH..... this album and its ability to play with my feelings...

(currently talking about this song while taking into account the current theories on genius that it is about mara realizing she has stalked S*nny so much that now she is talking to her, she has realized that she has overstretched and done something wrong (the metaphor being "waking up with long arms"), then deciding to withdraw ("getting an arm reduction").

the inlaws callback actually blew my mind when it showed up. i guess it kinda is a bit of irony in terms of the Lore... originally the lyrics of kinko's DO fit mara because she doesn't necessarily have real struggles (but yearns for S*nny's tough upbringing and struggles), but NOW she is just realizing what she has done by inserting herself into S*nny's issues and realizing she could affect them and have a huge impact for better or worse... ough...

track 12: Good luck final girl

this song feels both really cozy and mournful,,, especially the tune of the chorus and its tone... i can't decide whether "i hope you get what you deserve/that's not how this thing works" is more bitter or hopeful, but i think that's kinda the point because the description of this song says it's about the main characters realizing how they should grow up

considering there are 3 verses for our 3 main characters... i thiiink that the middle verse is most likely S*nny's (it talks about a girl down the block offering to help her, but she rejects the offer and says she doesn't need "people like that" anymore; likely referring to mara, "the girl next door" whose interactions with her were um. yeah.)

i am not sure which in the top and bottom match with old money bitch and mara... i think the last verse is OMB mostly because of the "ive postponed my suicide indefinitely" line, and also because of the sudden tone shift of the song (no more guitar, ambient noises in the background giving the feeling of being around people but feeling alone, the repeating of a final line over and over at the very end until it fades away like in Shoot to kill, kill your darlings)

um yeah. good album. good luck. wall sock er 👍

[heybaetae]

kelli! it's so nice to see you back on the dash 🤍 i hope you've been doing better, and had a good day today overall!

since you asked for some chitty chats, this is moreso a thought i've been having since the excitement of seokjin coming back and the new ot7 pics coming out... i've grown out of the huge fandom aspect of things (i didn't even know festa included a live show or a new song released by jungkook 😭) — but knowing they are all okay, looking healthy and smiling... it really makes me feel like they were once my best friend where we knew everything about each other and did everything together — but then life got in the way? we lost contact for a while, priorities shifted, and now we are living different lives ... but there is still so much love, so much respect, so much awe.

it oddly hurts, moving on like this. i felt something similar years ago when i gave away a signed poster towards an auction at my university — it was for a great cause, the army i gave it to was endlessly grateful, and it made me so happy that i could pass along something that would mean the world to them infinitely more than me. it felt like i also gave away a huge part of myself but not in an empty-thinking way... but in a there-is-now-room-for-more-in-life...

i don't know what this message really entails haha! just thoughts about growing up, moving on, but still feeling like i have one foot in the past and looking back in a fear of... potential regret? and it's not like my world will shatter or anything, but these boys made me so, so happy at one point in my life. if anything, now that i type these thoughts out, i almost want to thank them for guiding me to that said feeling of happiness — and to believe that i can continue to find it in other aspects of life... oh 🥺

ah what a sweet sentiment, anon! thanks for sharing. i think if people were more open minded instead of judgemental and dictative of other fans' personal journeys with bts, we'd all be in a much healthier place as a fandom. it feels icky (read: cult-like) seeing people try to tell each other how their loyalty to bts matters more than anything and that nobody is allowed to gradually grow out of a fandom space for their own reasons or it makes you a bad person. i think that's why a lot of "ex-army" have such a bitter taste in their mouths and it's sometimes hard to call it unfounded depending on their situation or experience. i hope you're doing well and am glad you still feel warmth towards them despite your distance from them and the fandom. your feelings match mine towards my previous fandom, so i totally get the bittersweet emotions that come with being out of the loop and feeling lighter, but still kinda regretful it happened. i'm pretty sure they just want you to be happy no matter how long you were with them in the first place. :)

[dreamtydraw]

Glub Glub

HAHA I’ve made it back home to my fishbowl!!! And guess what~ I played through all of your games! (I finished at.. 2 AM fishy time… I’m very sleepy lmao) I have oh so many thoughts about them all… >:) Ramble incoming! Apologies for the atrociously long ask and grammatical errors-

I played the games in order of release so first up was Night Shift, which was such a fun and quick play!! I loved how it sorta just throws you into this confusing supernatural world and is just like “You’re stuck in a time loop, good luck!”. I tend to go into video games expecting them to be super difficult for me, especially when they involve choice, so at the start I was listening to Françoise’s instructions like a hawk 👁️👁️, the atmosphere of the game was so cool too, the little inconsistencies in logic was so cool to watch unfold (I vividly remember reading the bit where the MC picks up the axe and flipping out cause “YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO HAVE THAT!! THE GAME SAID DON’T DO THAT YOU IDIOT!!”) I forget the actual word for it but the entire setting really gave of the feeling of being in a huge place that’s typically filled with people but is for some reason deserted.. well except for Sam. Speaking of! Sammy’s fun I loved them! I was so intrigued as to what their whole deal was, like how did they get there? Why are they there? Whats up with them and Françoise and the whole “Deary” thing?? Overall it was such a short but sweet experience and a very nice introduction into the Paranormal Club world

Next was Apple Bag! I was actually originally going to play this last cause of its open ending, but I figured since it came out directly after Nightshift, I might as well just play it right then and there. This was also tons of fun! I actually really liked the MC’s personality a lot, I dunno why but their dialogue and thoughts were just fun to read through. I played through the mystery strangers route (I swear to god their name was said somewhere but I cannot for the life of me remember what it was) and it was a good time! I love their design a whole lot and it was funny seeing them get introduced as this terrifying menacing stranger to chill and sleepy customer, funnily enough when the MC kept describing them as really scary I was pretty confused as to why, then I realized that I kinda tend to act a lot like the stranger when I’m going out sooooo.. no wonder I didn’t find them all too spooky. The mystery of the literal apple bag and Sammy’s disappearance was also really fun to see, I wonder if it’s talking about Nightshift? Idk, I’m not a theory making expert so who knows! I’m just eager to watch the story unfold!

Next up Tulipe! The creation of this game was when I really first started seeing your Paranormal Club stuff so needless to say I was really excited to finally play it, and boy was I not disappointed!! Getting to see Achik in action was so so nice considering he’s the one that really got me into Paranormal Club. The game overall just had this constant feeling of fleeting bittersweetness? If that makes sense? And I mean that in a good way, I loved how the story (when doing the good endings) were sweet overall but kind of had this melancholic tint to it that I couldn’t ignore, kinda reminded me of my time playing blooming panic if that makes sense. I played through every single ending cause they were easy and quick enough to get and every single one of them was great! The good ending where you tell Achik the truth about why you approached him was, predictably, my favourite ending, I actually liked how you don’t really become besties by the end of it and remain as friends who are close but ultimately aren’t ever gonna deepen the relationship. The other good ending was also very nice but man did I feel awful telling Achik I only pursued him for his looks, it made me feel so bad I for the poor guy. And getting the bad endings? Man. Being generally mean in games already makes me feel terrible, so in Tulipe where I flat out have to use manipulation and spike someone’s drink???? YIKES. All I have to say to that is thank god I can consider it wildly non canon! (I didn’t know where to say it, but Achik’s sunglasses make me giggle, they look so goofy in a good way!)

And lastly, I played 21 Questions…. *sob* Clem… love of my life… I finally got to be with you like I always dreamt!!!! Yeah, jokes aside as you can probably tell Clem’s become my #1 fav of Paranormal Club. He’s just so cute and lovable and relatable! I could rant about my love for them for hours. I adored how down to earth the story and its characters were, and my heart goes out to everyone on the dev team for breathing so much life into the game. Clem and Aurore are such fun characters to watch interact and I never doubted for a second that they were best friends! The duo also really remind me of myself and people I know irl so I was like “Yeah I’d fit right in with these too if they were real” the whole time. Speaking of relatability, boy did Clem’s vent scene hit so hard- it feels weird to say but I just adored how depressing that scene was, not to get personal but Clem’s entire vent just reminded me exactly of myself, like I’ve had the exact thoughts that they had, so the entire time I was ugly sobbing right there with Clem, it felt nice, cathartic too. I always really appreciate any piece of media that’s able to do that, so Clem’s kinda become pretty special to my heart <3

Every single one of these games was an absolute delight to play through, they’re all filled with so much love and care that I can’t help but admire each and every one of them. I hope you and everyone you’ve worked with on your games are proud of what you’ve made and know that they’re all such amazing experiences :) Whenever you decide to make your next project (after a nice and healthy break), know that your fish anon will be right here in my fishbowl ready to support you!

And with that I must take my leave and turn in for the night, I’m so ready to knock out. Goodnight!

-🐟

First off… OH MY GOD

Your ask has been screened and sent to the other teams member + added to my personal gallery to remember because oh my 😭😭😭

I can’t put words on how much this ask feels to me, like, this is the reason i want to make art it’s for people to enjoy but i always doubt myself and like having point blank long comments about enjoying the biggest projects i worked on in my life so far is like- so important to me thanks you so much fish anon thank you !!! ( this is all i’ll be seing when i goes to sleep )

I’m really glad you liked the game, even nighshift ! This games is in my standard bad and i aim to remake it one day but i’m glad you add fun.

Answering some of the questions :

Yes Sam from nighshift and Sam from apple bag are the same person ! That why you meet erinna in both game. The events also happen at the same période.

The stranger’s name is Leila and they go by they/them.

The canon ending of tulipe is the first good ending :}

I will be taking a break as a dev yeah disidod need some rest.

Hope you’re also resting well !!!

Tons of love fish anon and again multiples thank you for not only playing my games but taking the time to writte all of this. It warms my heart and i’m grateful for your message. ❤️

[perhaps-in-anotherdream]

Hello! I just saw your tweet and wanted to drop you a quick note that we care about you as a person, not just because of your translation. It's perfectly okay if there are things you don't want to translate like the main story because it feels repetitive and in the loop. You shouldn't feel obligated to translate things, especially things that you don't like.

Thank you for all of your translations and the hard work you put into them, we really appreciate it <3 Don't forget to take care of yourself too dear

hello~ (*´･ω･)ﾉﾞ it’s so so very sweet of you to say that, and i really do appreciate the vitality boost 🥺💖

i was saying this to someone just earlier that i’m the type to consume my content wholly before reaching a conclusion, a character understanding, and forming a concrete opinion. which is why it’s nearly impossible for me to continue with other materials while excluding the main story since i, as someone who has done her best to keep track of the records so far, know that the concurrent released contents are the reflection of the ongoing happenings in the main story. you can take my absolute word for it regarding Victor contents especially haha. so there will always be a voice at the back of my head nudging me for the completion. 😂

but on the other hand, i really seem to have lost the drive i had for the main story granted it also has to do a little bit with my current physical condition and me being emotionally numb to almost everything LOL

having said all that, as i mentioned in my tweets, i still think the writing is gorgeous, and there are definitely many elements to be happy about and be excited for (e.g. the dynamic and interactions between the MC and the guys), i also like the character specific imagery and themes based on the guy’s core and his relationship with his MC. but at the same time, i also would appreciate it much more if the story focused on the “story itself” and not on the bindings of the guys and MC’s screentime together. as i was mulling over things, it definitely felt like a lot of the details are compromised because we tend to focus on interaction time rather than the interaction substances. this results in short bursts of stories and repetitive cycles, where with a slightly different writing approach and mindset, we could go into the building up for a big reveal and keeping things fresh while still preserving the same interaction time.

anyway, these are some jumbled thoughts i’ve been having as i’ve also been evaluating the other competitors in the market and they seem to be doing it much better :> for now, i’ve decided to try and get my head together before making the choice. i’ve been with this game for so long; i literally kinda grew up with this game lol and i can also see my wallet-kun glaring at me lmao, so i don’t want to give up just yet. plus i love Victor way too much to say goodbye before it’s over haha. so fingers crossed~ 💖

regarding my translations, don’t worry. i have long decided to only work on the contents i want to, since it was initially supposed to be a form of relaxation for me, and with the increasing demands from life-kun, i can’t afford to lose sight of that vision. ಡ⁠ ͜ ⁠ಡ

and lastly, please do take care of yourself too~ ❣️

—

[melancholy-marionette]

Hi! I'm out of the loop but are you also part of the team in "deluge sermon of the dead"? If not, then I'm 99.9% sure that someone is using your CGs of Castoria and Castor in it without permission

No worries! I'm pretty much out of the loop with everything myself xD I'm gonna be super duper lazy here since my arm is still broken, so apologies for that, but basically, I've had a couple of emails in the past asking the same question, so rather than type out something similar, I might as well just be lazy and copy/paste what I said before in an email reply to someone x3 And it's really nice of you to take the time to get in touch to let me know, btw! I appreciate it :3 The short(ish) answer is, I'm not part of the team who worked on that project, nor do I know any of the people involved in it, but it's okay because they haven't done anything wrong, we just both happen to be using the same sprite asset packs from an artist who sells assets. The main difference is that they're using them as they come, and I edited them in GIMP to avoid using the default versions. I'll put the longer version below :3 Thanks again and I hope April is going amazingly for you! (copy/paste begins here)

In this instance, it's all good. Basically, I can't draw to save my life, so any art that's in my games is either stuff that I've purchased in sprite and background asset packs (and then edited myself), or collaborations with awesome artists. 

All the sprites in Darling Duality are from a Japanese artist who sells their work in asset packs. But the trouble with asset packs is that if other people use the same sprites, then you'll have what looks like the same character in different games >.< That's one of the reasons why I always take the time to recolour my sprites in GIMP :3

So that blonde version of the sprite I used for Castor/ia that's on that page is basically the default way that the sprite comes when you buy the pack (and the outfits they've used are from a bonus wardrobe pack that I also own and plan to use in the future!) Even some of the other sprites in their screenshots are ones I own too from a different asset pack by the same artist. 

Most people seem to use them as they come. So even if I can't draw, I can at least make my versions of the sprites look more unique by recolouring them ^-^ It took a while with Castor/ia, but I feel like it's worth it. If you ever see the exact version I've used anywhere else, then it probably means it's stolen from my games because I spent ages making that particular mix of colours for the hair and clothes. It would be quite suspicious if someone managed to copy the exact colours I've used. 

I also own pretty much all of the background art assets they've used in their game too, haha. Background art assets are almost all by the same few artists, so a lot of indie games end up having the same backgrounds, especially from the Japanese artist known as Minikle. 

I've learned a lot about image editing over the years, so recolouring is quite fun + I can make my own UI assets nowadays too, but I still can't draw very well T_T haha. I always prefer to collaborate with artists when I can, like I did with my most recent release (Bitter/Sweet Blythe) where I got to work with my artist friend Lazy Polar Bear again :3 Cos it's always more fun to team up with people than working alone + it's always nice to have sprites that are 100% original. 

Anyways, thanks so much for reaching out :3 I hope you're having a great 2023 so far! (copy/paste ends here)

[minieggukie]

You don't have to post this (I know it'll be controversial, but Letter is beautiful and I just need to share this with someone 😭) but Jimin also sings in Still With You. If you listen to the very last part of the song (the second phone call part) that's actually Jimin singing. You can really tell if you loop the song.

I discovered this back in 2020 completely by accident and have been waiting for someone, anyone online to pick up on this but nothing. I even tried to clue a few bloggers in, but the few I tried to talk to were hesitant to believe it because JM isn't credited and it's "for ARMY." But they've been sending love to each other through "ARMY" for years, and it's really not uncommon for artists appearing on other people's songs to go uncredited for any number of reasons. Like, for example, say the artist is singing a small part on a song his boyfriend wrote for him about a fight they had on a rainy day and he wants to pass it off as a song for their fans so they can release it. Just off the top of my head.

Anyway, when JK put an a capella version on Proof I thought for sure someone would realize Jimin was singing at the end!! Once all the music and most of the production is stripped away, it's very clearly Jimin's voice! But still, nothing.

Anyway, I saw your post about Still With You and Letter and I just had to tell you that I really believe they're companion songs, especially since jikook sing on both of them.

But listen to Still With You! I recommend wearing headphones and looping the song. Hearing Jimin sing at the end and then Jungkook sing at the beginning immediately afterwards really helps.

I listen to Still With You A LOT with earphones on at max volume and I have never heard Jimin's voice in there... I just listened to it just now and maybe it's the echo-y effect (idk the technical term lmao) that made it sound like Jimin. Idk, we'll never know unless they tell us but I've only ever associated Still With You with Jungkook. Any connection to Jikook because of the rain sound is my own speculation and wishful thinking lmao

If Jungkook says the song is for ARMY, then it's for ARMY. Trying to assign new meaning to the song can be disrespectful to the song's original msg and intention

I mean I totally get it because I thought I heard Jimin's voice in Stay Alive and there's the whole debate with the Euphoria live perf.. maybe someday we'll get our answers but for now I'm putting this in the 'maybe/unconfirmed' pile haha

[razorsadness]

a journal entry comprised entirely of excerpts from letters & postcards written to friends

(@belialjones and @endreal - don't peek if you don't want spoilers!)

I remember in one of the letters you sent me, you asked what my current inspirations are, and even though they've changed since then, I thought I'd reply. What's inspiring me right now is: the photography of Nan Goldin, the art of Tracey Emin, the novels of William T. Vollmann, John Waters and David Lynch films, and the poetry of Cynthia Cruz, Forough Farrokhzad, and Alexis Rhone Fancher.

I'm currently on a little vacation with my family, up on the peninsula of Wisco. I've been reading a lot and hiking in the woods and going to the beach.

...

My vacation has been great. I've been reading poetry & eating pizza & watching the Perseids meteor showers.

...

I accidentally broke my own heart the other day. I had my 'on repeat' playlist on shuffle and what songs played back to back? Paul Westerberg's "Got You Down," followed by R.E.M.'s "Nightswimming." Fucking oof.

In general, I've been going thru a bout of nostalgic melancholy. What else is new? Haha, but really though. You know, I'm writing about all this stuff for RC #27, and reminiscing about one era of my life inevitably turns into reminiscing about others. And then I was up in Door County, driving down old familiar roads, listening to old familiar tunes, and remembering driving those same roads, listening to those same tunes, getting stoned with my friends circa 1997-2003, and I don't even miss getting stoned but I do miss those friends. I try to have a positive attitude about things changing, but I still get sad driving past places and thinking about what's gone—and more than that, who's gone. And I was thinking about the summer of 2013. And then I was thinking about the summer of 2012 and how that summer I was all nostalgic for the summer of 2006 and how it seemed impossibly far in the past, and then timeghost showed up and was like: "Oooo...2012 was closer to 2006 than it is to nowww, ooo..."

I realized that my whole life, I've been trying to get back to this mythic Perfect Summer that didn't really exist. Right now, I'm missing 2013 & 2012. In 2012, I wished it was '06. In '06, I wanted '03. In '03, I wanted '00; in '00, I wished it was '97, and on and on.

Other than that, I've been having feelings about small towns and Americana. It's kinda weird. On the one hand, I'm a deviant radical queer artist. On the other hand, I love so much Americana. But I think you get it.

...

I've been having hella zine/zinester nostalgia. Next year marks 30 years that I've been making zines. I'm thinking about putting a book together of the best stuff from my first 30 years of zines, and then having a release party w/ local bands n' stuff.

I've been particularly nostalgic for the early '00s Chicago zine scene. I'll never forget that time you and I went to Kinko's late at night to make Xerox art. 22 years ago, what the fuck? I also recently found my Loop Distro/Al Burian Totally Wants My Ass shirt. Oh man.

Recently I was having a bit of an identity crisis. See, I've always thought of myself as someone who gets crushes easily, and as a slut (in spirit, if not always in practice—meaning, even in a monogamous relationship I still have the desire to fuck lotsa people even if I don't act on it). But for a while I hadn't gotten a proper crush on anyone, and didn't really even think about hooking up w/ anyone but my partner. And it was weird! I was like, who am I, if I'm no longer the totally crushed out slut? But then after that, I had a couple sexy online convos w/ queer cuties, and got my flirt on IRL w/ a punk rock fella who lives in my neighborhood, a Scottish fiddle player, and a gorgeous redhead girl w/ a tattoo of a fox, and I was like: Oh. Guess I'm still slutty and crushed out, after all.

[this-is-krikkit]

Oi Krikkit 💖💖

I hope you're alright & not too tired by your long shifts !!

I'm here for the fic writer's game [I picked 3 emojis because I'm really curious 👀]

1- 🤡

2- 🎶

3- 🤲

Kith 😘

hey Val! i'm exhausted, but it's a little better than it was at the end of 2022 i guess? i promise i'll try and stop complaining about it haha

thanks for the ask, i hope you're doing well too!!

🤡 What's a line, scene, or exchange you've written that made you laugh?

i once wrote a fic (that i never finished btw oops) about a character that's an absolute disaster (Root from person of interest) trying to charm a character from a totally different show (Lisbon from the mentalist). except the disaster one's just been wounded, so it goes pretty much like this:

character A: cheesy flirty introduction

character B : flustured/lowkey kinda falling for A

character A: passes out on the floor from the pain/blood loss

it was a while back and that fic is definitely not my best, but to this day i think that was hilarious of me.

🎶 Do you listen to music while you write? What song have you been playing on loop lately?

almost always when i'm at home! it helps me zone out of Reality and focus on certain scenes. added bonus, when i feel an idea slipping away like those fuckers often do, replaying the song i just listened to is usually a great way to jog my memory and get it back! (one good thing i learned from a decade in college! yay)

these days i've been playing the shit out of castle of glass by linkin park, and since you're a fellow levihan shipper, i can't recommend enough having a listen. it's... literally levihan in the 2nd part of s4, and it breaks my heart every single time (might use some lyrics as a fic title before part3 gets released, because it's THAT fitting)

🤲 Would you please share a snippet of a wip?

I was REALLY nervous anyone would ask that one, because i'm such a pro at modifying even key parts of my drafts right before posting stuff?? but okay, here we go. this is from an snk veterans college AU that i'm not going to finish or post anytime soon:

It's four in the afternoon and Hange just woke up, which their mother would no doubt qualify as a great shame when the day's weather has been so splendid –at least according to Nanaba and Mike, who have been blasting their phone to try and get them to come out with them.

They chuckle fondly. Of course those assholes liked nothing more than to spend their worst hangovers going out for a run at ungodly hours in the morning when Hange was still walking that fine line between still a bit drunk and entering the despair of post-alcohol consumption dehydration, and then exposing their sensitive eyes to way too much daylight for the sake of long term health and detoxifying their bodies.

Masochists.

They scroll down the long list of texts, quickly scanning it and surprised to see even Erwin Always-too-busy Smith replied to the group chat saying he had a free day as well and wouldn't mind spending it in the sun; and finally cave to give into what they'd really intended to do in the first place.

Their heart beating wildly against their ribcage, they get their finger to tap on the other app. Levi's profile picture is surrounded by the familiar orange and purple glint of a new story addition, and Hange's so quick to click on it they sigh at themself –before they lay eyes on the content and it turns into a pathetic pained moan instead.

send me some emoji fanfic writer asks!

[starmagnets]

Can I ask where the hero elfilis theory/hc comes from? I’ve seen a handful of people doing it and I’ve been out of the Kirby loop for awhile

oh !! of course !! this wound up ramblier than intended though as i kinda used this as an excuse to dump a lot of information about my own interpretation of elfilis and how they got Like That. my bad there haha.

my hero elfilis is probably really different from others though since i haven’t really taken much of a look at others’ interpretations of elfilis as a hero of yore. this is like 99% headcanon though so literally do not take any of my ramblings on elfilis as canon like at all.

as an example many believe elfilis to have parents or a greater species they belong to whereas my interp of them just kinda. is.

for the general reason as to why i think it’s been done with multiple people is because we see they use the same or at least very similar star-shaped rifts/portals that we’ve seen both magolor and the lor starcutter use previously in canon, and they both have connections to the ancients and ppl (myself included) kinda ran with that.

now the rest of this is literally just me going absolutely bananas with literally that one crumb and my own headcanons so you can ignore this if you’re uninterested in that.

okay so basically for me i believe that fecto elfilis was created by the people of shiver star for as of yet unknown reasons to even elfilis themself, but likely to aid in exterminating dark matter as it was very prevalent in the area around the time of their creation and we see them as a very capable fighter in canon.

despite their creation likely being FOR combat and them growing up (for lack of a better word) training with magic as well as their staff/spear/whatever you want to call it, elfilis never actually left the lab where they were created as they were considered incomplete. unfortunately, the lab where they were created was eventually completely shut down, and they were therefore left as incomplete even when they eventually were released.

anyways, with void termina looming on the metaphorical horizon and dark matter becoming a greater threat by the day, elfilis is sought out by ripple and galacta knight for their fighting capabilities, as rumours of somebody on shiver star fighting off dark matter on their own (which is no easy feat without at least some sort of artifact or amplifier) had spread to ripple star, and they’d hoped that this mysterious fighter would be able to aid them in handling the void termina situation.

flash forward a couple centuries following the sealing of both void termina and galacta knight, and elfilis has taken to wandering the cosmos, dealing with whatever they personally find troubling. they eventually find their way to earth about 100-200 years past where we are now. they’re disappointed, to say the least. even with so many other civilizations growing and flourishing, reaching out to other planets and everything beyond, humanity has hardly even gotten past fighting between themselves and they’ve barely reached their closest planetary neighbour. and, of course, this is troubling. sure, war happened. elfilis was well aware of that, but they saw humanity fighting among themselves for what seemed to them completely trivial reasons and felt simply disgusted.

so, they took it upon themselves to “handle” the situation. if humanity wanted to fight, they could unify and fight off a real threat rather than their own kind.

it had been a while since they’d fought anything other than dark matter, after all. they could use a challenge.

this is pretty much where the lab discovera voice picks up, as elfilis is captured and subsequently studied by humanity similarly to how the people of shiver star did both before and after elfilis’ creation. they split into elfilin and forgo a while after this, the dream discoveries tour becomes a thing, humanity leaves earth to go elsewhere, etc etc.

i do PERSONALLY believe elfilis’ morality got weirder over time, much like the rest of the heroes of yore (drawcia especially got Weird in my interp) but they always had slightly skewed priorities in terms of what they thought was good and bad.