#half a page from the end

[ask-ursa-tonypeter]

[DB AU] how would Pyrite!Tony react to learning exactly what happened to Peter (including that it was an alternate version of himself). Obviously this would depend on Peter making it back and maybe Tony also seeing Peter’s clear discomfort around him now.

[[this snippet also answers another question sent in: "How might Pyrite!Tony and Pyrite!Peter's react to seeing each other, after P!Peter returns home? Would P!Peter ever tell P!Tony about the details of alt-Tony? How would the kidnapping affect their relationship?"

warnings for: allusions to noncon and grooming, mentions of long-term captivity, general Sads]]

Tony thought he knew why Peter was so uncomfortable with him.

Their parents didn't seem to notice, or if they did, they were chalking it up to something else. Peter being ashamed of the big brother he idolized knowing about what had happened to him, maybe, some kind of insecurity along those lines.

If they'd really recognized it– the way Peter alternated between always watching Tony out of the corner of his eye and not being able to look at him at all, the way he went tense when Tony moved too suddenly, the way he hovered close to them but sat as far away from Tony as possible– if they'd really recognized it, they would've said something by now. They certainly wouldn't have left Peter alone with him.

It hurt, but it wasn't like Tony didn't deserve it. He had betrayed Peter's trust in a way, even if it had taken– some scumbag– taking him, keeping him, using him for Peter to realize it– so now here he was, sitting by Peter's bedside and trying to figure out how to say 'I promise I won't hurt you' to someone who had no reason to believe him.

Peter was in one of his avoidant moods. He had a mug of hot chocolate cupped between his hands and was staring down into it, quiet, the mood heavy and awkward between them while their parents dealt with phonecalls to law enforcement and publicists elsewhere in the house.

And then Peter took a breath, and he said, "Do you believe in multiverse theory?"

The non-sequitur and the fact that Peter was talking to him at all took Tony aback, but– he thought he understood.

He'd thought a lot about different versions of himself that might have made different decisions while Peter was gone, after all.

"I don't see why not," he said, slow, wanting to leave the door open for Peter to take the conversation in whatever direction he liked. "The science isn't anywhere near proving it, but the atom didn't care how long it took us to discover it, right?"

Peter nodded, almost absent-minded, his eyes still trained on his mug of cocoa. He was quiet for so long that Tony was scrambling to think of anything to say to not lose that tiny thread of connection– a joke, a string of science talk to get Peter excited, an admission of all the choices he thought the best version of himself would've made instead– but Peter still beat him to the punch.

"Mom and… our parents can't know this," he said abruptly, tipping his head slightly towards Tony even though he still didn't cut his eyes Tony's way. "They'd just think I'm crazy, probably. But it's real. The multiverse, I mean."

A chill crept into Tony's blood as he stared, Peter's words and their implications slowly sinking in.

Because there were two possibilities here, and they were both bad.

First, Peter was crazy; he'd cracked under the weight of everything he'd been through and they had an entirely different kind of recovery ahead of them than they'd thought.

Or second–

It never had made sense how Peter just disappeared out of his room.

"Yeah?" Tony prompted, and it was harder than he expected to keep the tremble out of his voice.

Peter hummed an affirmative, blinking slowly like there was something hypnotic to the warm brown of the cocoa in his mug, and he lifted his shoulder in a little shrug before he said, "It was you. Or, not you. Another version of you, I guess. He was older. And his eyes were blue?"

It didn't make sense. It didn't make sense. Cold all the way to his bones, Tony said, "Pete, what?"

Peter finally glanced at him then. Just quickly, there and gone, checking Tony's expression.

The cocoa in his mug started to ripple when he said, soft, "The man who took me."

The man who took him. The man who'd taken him away for months, for over a year until even their mother had started to give up hope, who'd left them to be tortured with questions of where and why and what, who'd put that haunted look in Peter's eyes and made it so that he couldn't stand to be touched except through layers of bundled blankets or heavy sweaters, the man who'd– who'd–

Peter's hands were still trembling around his mug, but he was the one to fill the silence again when Tony could only stare, horror-struck and unprocessing.

"He was… he was his Peter's dad. Um, the Peter in his world was his kid, I mean. They weren't brothers." Peter breathed a shaky sigh, like the words themselves were heavy. "But that Peter died, and so D– so that Tony… He wanted a replacement. So he took me."

"Pete," Tony said unsteadily, because he just– he needed a minute, he needed– he needed this to stop, he needed Peter to say he was joking, he needed things to make sense–

But Peter was suddenly in tears then, sniffling, his voice wavering wetly as the words kept coming: "He was like… a dictator, I guess? He took over the world. Or the country, I don't know, all the newspapers were about how great he was so it's not like… B-but he could do whatever he wanted. He'd just, like– execute people? You know?"

It was ridiculous. Science fiction. The type of thing someone came up with to distance themselves from the all-too-real horror of being chained to a radiator a few miles from home by an average, everyday creep.

But–

"It was really scary," Peter said, hunched over his mug to steady it in his shaking hands. "I was scared all the time. He never, he never hit me– I wasn't lying about that–"

He'd tried to lie about the rest of it, about what had been done to him, but the way he'd crumbled into tears just at their mother's horrified, faltering implication of a question had given him away.

But watching him shake, watching the words pour out of him now like poison that he needed to purge– Tony was absolutely, sickeningly certain that he wasn't lying.

"–but it was still s-so… I never knew what he was going to do? To me or someone else or…" Peter lifted one hand to wipe at his eyes, and his voice broke when he kept going. "He made me call him 'Dad.'"

That was the thing that made his steady trickle of tears tip over into a hitching sob, and Tony didn't want to think about why. He didn't want to think about any of this– he didn't want to know about any of this; he didn't know what he was going to do with the rising tides of guilt and horror and regret flooding his heart and lungs and throat, and he wasn't even the one who had a right to be upset here, he wasn't the one who'd had to live it–

Peter had one hand pressed to his mouth, covering the grimace of his quiet sobs while his mug tipped dangerously close to spilling.

"Your drink–" Tony said, helpless, useless, so fucking useless, hearing all of that and worrying about fucking chocolate stains on Peter's covers like that mattered, but what else could he say? What else could he possibly do or fix when it was his face that was making Peter break down and sob like this, when every second just had to be a reminder of–

Peter heard him, though, and he adjusted his grip, because even in the middle of crying his mangled little heart out he was still perfect and good and someone Tony shouldn't even be allowed near.

But maybe that was the thing he could fix.

"Kid–"

Tony's voice cracked, and he cleared his throat hard, pulling himself together. He wasn't going to let Peter feel– fucking guilty about this, and he wouldn't put that past him, even now.

He tried again:

"...Do you want me to leave?"

It was almost a relief to think about. Accepting that he didn't have a place in Peter's life and slinking away to where he couldn't hurt him; putting that corner of his heart to bed for good. He'd thought so much while Peter was gone about whether Peter would've been better off never getting involved with him, and there would be some closure in knowing it for sure.

But instead of sending him away, Peter groaned, "I don't know," wrung out and scrubbing one sleeve across his damp eyes. "No. I don't know. I'm just… I know you didn't… b-but I… do you believe me?"

It felt like confessing to a crime somehow, accepting that he believed some other version of himself out there could be that kind of monster.

But Tony wasn't going to lie.

"Yeah, kid. I… fuck."

He cleared his throat again, chasing away the tightness that wanted to gather there, and if he couldn't help the prickling in his eyes– well, Peter wasn't looking at him anyway.

"M'sorry. For everything. I'm– yeah." He shook his head, and Peter deserved more from him– so, so much more from him– but he had to move on then, because if he gave Peter the apology he deserved and let all of it spill out he really would just break down right there and fuck up everything worse than it already was. "This– this– fucker– how did you– can he follow you? I've gotta– I won't let it happen again. Pete, I won't let it happen again."

It was a stupid thing to promise, probably. The whole idea still sounded like fiction, and Tony didn't even know where to start with– finding some way to anchor Peter to home, making some kind of multiversal warning system, cutting their whole fucking universe off from whatever else was out there if that's what it took, but–

If another version of himself had figured out how to tamper with the multiverse, then so could he. And this was something he could fix.

Peter stared at him, then. Not a sideways glance, but an outright, unprocessing stare like it was beyond belief that– what, that Tony would believe him? Want to help him? Care about keeping him safe?

Care about him at all?

Tony clenched his jaw, fingernails biting into the meat of his palms with the effort of pushing down every other thought and feeling and impulse, and he said, "I won't let anyone hurt you."

Peter's gaze went distant, almost like he hadn't heard Tony at all. He blinked slowly, and then his eyes meandered away from Tony and back down to his lap. He finally took a long sip of his cocoa, and then shrugged.

"He can't follow me," Peter said finally, slowly. Dreamlike, almost, like he had to hunt around for the words and was surprised to find them. "He's… gone. So it's okay."

It was a relief to hear that the guy was "gone." It was another moment of horror to imagine what that meant for Peter; what he'd had to see and go through and what else was lurking in his memories for him to dole out in soft, uncertain, devastating words.

And it hurt to have him brush away Tony's promises. Without even an instant of taking comfort in them, without even a second of his old starry-eyed gratitude, and Tony didn't need that from him but– to see it so clearly, how his words didn't hold any weight at all anymore after what Peter had been through– and why would they, why would they when it was Tony who was saying them–

Tony didn't know if he was trying to reassure Peter or punish himself, if he was fishing for forgiveness or reprobation, but the words finally clawed their way out of his chest in a wave of sincerity and self-hatred that he couldn't stop:

"I won't hurt you," he said, desperate, and it was what he'd wanted to say all along. "We're– all of that is done, okay? I would never hurt you. Never."

And Peter–

Smiled.

Not a sweet smile. Not a shy smile or a relieved smile or anything at all like an expression Tony would ever expect to see on Peter's face. It was a tiny, bitter twist of his lips as he stared down into his mug, his gaze so faraway that he may as well have still been in another universe, and Tony's heart dropped before he even spoke.

"I know," Peter said, simple.

And with the same terrible certainty that Tony had known that Peter's story was true– this time, he knew that Peter was lying.

[autisticaradiamegido]

day 169

this is it, the dynamic

[bmpmp3]

sorry to be a bit of a hater but i do wish youtubers weren't so scared of making their videos just like, "reviews", whys everything gotta be a "video essay" all the time. every day my recommendations are filled with 40 minute videos titled "_____: An Underrated Masterpiece" where the first like five minutes are reading the wikipedia definition of "masterpiece" in a somber voice with dramatic themed text on screen. please just tell me how good or bad you think something is and use the rest of the runtime to explain why. you dont need to put on all these airs

[cryptvokeeper]

my take on the suffering Game graphic novel is that they did the Suffering Game dirty but they did that Lunar Interlude REAL good

[camellcat]

you guys I'm losing my MIND

I have NEVER seen this sort of thing in any other fandom I've been in and I LOVE IT

[aroaessidhe]

2024 reads / storygraph

Fallen Thorns

dark urban fantasy coming-of-age

follows a boy settling into university, when after a date (that he didn’t even want to go on) turns bad he’s made into a vampire

as he settles into his new existence and the local vampire community - while they try to find who’s been leaving bodies across the city - he discovers that there’s something different and darker within him

aroace neurodivergent MC

[deus-ex-mona]

how long will chapter 5 even be my g o s h

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[zymstarz]

yeah sure that's how i'll [re]come out

[sysig]

I did some Souichi studies because I’m love he <3 (Patreon)

Bonus:

Here are the Studies compared to their Originals btw :3

So like, not a joke, not an exaggeration, I’m pretty sure this is my favourite panel in the entire Challengers/KoiBo continuity (and I decided to draw it first lol - it’s ‘cause I have such big feelings about it!!) It just hhhhhh, it so perfectly encapsulates everything he’s feeling in that moment; disbelief, betrayal, uncertainty, distrust, conflict - every moment of love he’s built up to that point has been thrown into immediate relief to what he’s been told and it’s all there, right on his face, it’s such a masterfully done expression ;; <3 I legit cry every time I reread, that whole scene is just so good, I could actually talk forever about his relationship with Morinaga in that one moment

The rest aren’t nearly so intense lol, mostly just grabbed from moments when I thought he was being especially cute <3 Concerned lad! His hair is so swoopy in Challengers hehe <3 <3 It’s actually even fluffier in his super early-on appearances, which are also excellent >:3c But I still like his KoiBo look best ♪ You can also see it’s a bit of a challenge to make his face as slim as he actually is, just thicken the lines inward until it almost looks right! Lol

I love this panel haha, everyone so silly chibi’d out. You can also really get a good look at how ridiculous his hair is, look at how the tuft that’s tucked behind his ear joins up with the tie! How does he tie it up like that, consistently?? How is he allowed in labs like that!! He’s ridiculous <3

Confused and blushy Souichi ft. Morinaga, I just kind of filled in the details he was covering lol. I love Souichi being dumb and having no self-awareness <3 He’s actually quite intelligent and emotionally aware a surprising majority of the time! But his blind spots leave big gaps haha

I love when he has his eyebrows in a relatively neutral position, he’s normally so grumpy! He looks so friendly even with just a neutral expression :D Plus his hair!! The way it’s communicated to be thin and feathery by being able to “see through it” to his lab coat, ah <3 Handsomest

Shy boy <3 I also really love the way his hands and wrists are shaped, such cool lines ah

I could’ve sworn he and Morinaga were like, almost the same size in Challengers... I guess Morinaga did have a second growth spurt, but still! It’s just an excuse to see him being cute!! Oh noooooo (lol)

Grump man <3 Beauty boy <3 His hair flows so beautifully!

It’s also fun to see a younger Souichi in a flashback, rather than in the Challengers style haha. He was a mess by himself, he’d hate to hear it but he really only does well with others haha. I also love how this scene is from the POV of one of his admirers, Momo is such a good girl and she’s so right <3

He’s being such a meanie to his sister in this scene lol, he’s the worst! <3 I was going to leave it at that, but adding his little frameless-glasses stem holes really made it look like Spamton’s googly eyes and I about lost it lol

[thiamblogger]

i am only on page 40 (chapter 2), and so far all my boy has done is talk about how much he admires sodap,plus how scared he is for johnny, what johnny used to be like, how he is now, how much he cares for him, how close they are.. johnny, johnny, johnny.

[pyrriax]

hi tumblr i. cannot get a thought out of my head so take this little wip thing....

[ Image ID: A sketchy, grey-scale comic, reading from left to right. Zenith, a lanky, thin man with fox ears and a long tail walks toward the right, having an indistinct conversation with another character who isn't visible. His ears are tilted back, and his shoulders are raised; he's nervous about where he's going. A small triangular cut out on the top right shows Zenith's expression as he stops, he's looking down at something, and looks afraid. His ears are pinned completely back, and his mouth is open slightly in shock. There's a small dialogue box between this cut out and the next, reading in shaky text, "what the...". The next cut out is a trapezoid on the bottom right, almost connecting with the top. There's an indistinct person sitting on the ground, half-leaning against the wall with their head down. Their hands are cuffed together, and their legs are splayed. They've been hit in the head. There's blood on the side of their head, dripping down their face and onto their arms, as well as blood smeared on the floor. /End ID. ]

@my-little-versaille (in case you want to reblog it for your own storage purposes :3)

[cuteniaarts]

@katkastrofa: *writes a single throwaway line in one chapter of Lost and Found that is never referenced again*

Me, completely randomly and with no prompting: Alright, bet–

[dexaroth]

its funny that i got into building and designing a website n such after i switched from 'digital creative' (with the intention of becoming a web designer) to compsci at college. i know deep down thats for the best bc id never find people who actually understand the artistic side of designing a website n all that but part of me wishes i wasnt so constrained by the personal website format.. theres only so much you can do with a landing page thats supposed to have the same boxes in a single screen so the user doesnt need to scroll to get updates n such. plus i dont even have that much to show and present differently anyways. sigh

look at this. fucking gorgeous as hell. i dont even have enough info to fill a single content box in a layout like this. god

[throughpatchesofviolet]

I finished all the Walpurgis Nacht missions in a little over three hours, by the way. This was the average run:

The only time Heathcliff wasn't MVE was when I swapped the "Team Captain" position from him to a Sinner better suited for a mission.

[4th-make-quail]

man, thinking about the talk about fic comments floating around the ol dash recently made me go and check out my stats page out of curiosity and like....... yeah, the most comments i've EVER got on any of my 150 published fics is 27. and this is my most popular fic - Point of No Return, a Resident Evil Chris/Wesker time travel fix it fic - a popular ship in a fandom that was very popular at the time. in comparison, this fic is my most popular by kudos, by bookmarks and also by hits, and it's from 2016!! my stats % add on thing says this is a 6.74% kudos-to-hits ratio, which is frankly pretty good for me!

so i have to say, i generally find long posts about comment scarcity these days to give me very conflicting feelings. a) these are often posted by so-called BNFs (Big Name Fans, to use an older term), who regularly get triple digit comments on their works, and b) there is a general feeling that comment ratios have gone down a lot recently, but it depends entirely on your fandoms and ships in my experience!

idk man! complain about it when you post a fic to a grand total of 0 comments ever! or 1 comment, maybe like 3 kudos. IF YOU'RE LUCKY. i've spent too long in the Rarepair Trenches because this makes me really fucking salty lmao