#half of my cooking is throwing vegetables with olive oil and dumping herbs on them

[ficsempai]

Cucumbers are such a good vegetable, crunchy water, the epitomy of fresh crunchiness without being ice cubes. Absolutely epic in sandwich, or salad, or just as a snack by itself, long fresh snack.

Vegetables are just so underrated in recipes, everyone wants the cheese and the meat but WERE IS THE TEXTURE BRO! YOU’RE EATING MUSH ON MUSH???!! Where is the slight bitterness of the delicately charred Brussels sprouts. The eggplant melting on ur tongue.

YOU EAT BURGERS BECAUSE YOUR TEETH ARE TOO WEAK FOR SALADS!

Anyway, eat vegetables kids because if heart attacks won’t kill you, I will.

[c-is-for-circinate]

C’s infinitely modifiable recipe for vaguely niceish dinner-including-vegetables 20 minutes after walking in the front door

Like many of us, my executive function is dead by the end of the day, especially if I’m tired, especially if I’m hungry, and figuring out How To Food when I need it most is hard as fuck, especially if my kitchen’s kind of messy and I stall out on needing supplies or space.

Also like many of us, I have a really hard time figuring out How To Vegetable, because I’m very afraid of buying fresh things that might go bad before I have the spoons to use them.  And IDK about you, but I get really tired of eating the same thing all the time, so the only way to actually make myself get excited about cooking and eating is to have the option for variety.

Luckily for me, I’ve nailed ‘many, many pasta dishes I would not be ashamed to serve my mother’ down to a familiar, easy formula that I can follow with whatever I have on hand in the freezer and cabinets.  Even better, knowing this formula helps me go grocery shopping, because I can buy specific canned, frozen, jarred, and refrigerate-able things knowing several different ways I can use them.

Maybe it will help you too!  Maybe not!  But it has made my life SO MUCH BETTER, so, as a gift from me to you, A Recipe (of sorts).

To start: Drop your shit by the door.  Get out one frying pan, one pasta pot, and a wooden spoon or plastic spatula or whatever you have to cook with.  It does not matter that the counter is a mess; all you need are two clear stove burners.  There are almost no prep steps to fuck with your executive function and block you from starting this process as soon as you get home.

Step 1:  Veggies Get some olive oil heating up in your pan on medium/low.  While it’s warming up, go to your freezer and grab any frozen veggie you own: broccoli, peas, sliced bell peppers, zucchini, spinach, mixed medley, whatever.  When the oil’s hot enough that a couple of drops of water sprinkled into it sizzle a bit but don’t spit, pour the veggies straight into the pan.  (About 1/4 to 1/2 of a bag is usually plenty for me to make dinner + tomorrow’s lunch).  If the oil is Way Too Hot, turn the burner down, wait briefly, and toss the veggies in anyway.  They’re frozen, they’ll survive.

Step 2:  Carbs If you’re doing regular pasta (or those great frozen raviolis they sell at the grocery store, for extra flavor/protein), stick a pot of heavily salted water on the hottest burner cranked up to high, slap a lid on it, and wait for it to boil. If you’re doing couscous or some other fun grain that cooks in 10 minutes or less, get that going however you usually make it. If you’ve got a bunch of leftover rice in the fridge from the other day’s takeout, wait until the veggies are mostly thawed and then toss it right into the frying pan.  Break it up with the wooden spoon and add a little extra oil to make sure none of it’s too dry. (Sadly, this recipe is not scaled for potatoes.)

(Optional: Seasoning #1 If you happen to have minced garlic in your fridge, throw that shit in the frying pan when the veggies are mostly thawed.  If all you’ve got is dried, that’s cool, wait for later.  Make sure you add the liquid soon after, b/c garlic burns fast.  This is also a good time to add ginger, if you have it on hand and the ingredients you’re planning to use work with it.)

Step 3: Liquid Grab a can of [black beans/tomatoes/coconut milk/crushed pineapple/literally whatever, use the condensed soup if you want, this recipe is ANYTHING GOES] from the cabinet, drain about half the liquid out of the can and throw the rest straight into the pan.  OR snag a jar of [pre-made pesto/harissa/salsa/whatevs] from the fridge, and spoon in a big glop.  (Use judgment here.  Save half a can of things like coconut milk instead of draining it down the sink.  If it all looks super dry you can add some a splash of broth, or juice, or milk, or wine, or whatever, but you shouldn’t need much--you’ll have pasta water for that in a minute, and your frozen veg probably produced a ton of liquid to begin with.)

Step 4:  Cooking Get that pasta in the water as soon as it’s boiling.  If you’re doing grains, check on them and do whatever you’re supposed to do to make the grains cook right. Turn up the heat on the stuff in the pan so it bubbles a little around the edges.  The wetter all the stuff in your pan is, the hotter you want the burner.  You’ve got a fair bit of leeway here; so long as you’ve still got liquid in there, and you vaguely keep an eye to make sure it doesn’t burn, this can keep going without damaging anything until your carbs are done.  (Sugary liquids like orange juice or the syrup from canned fruit are more likely to burn, so keep a closer eye on those and cook them a little cooler.) This is a good point to wash out a bowl to eat out of if you don’t have a clean one.  Shove just enough dirty dishes aside to make sure you’ve got enough space in the sink to drain the pasta.

(Optional: Meat/meat substitute We’re cooking fast tonight, so we’re going for precooked meat options.  I’ve used canned tuna, frozen Ikea meatballs, leftover grocery store rotisserie chicken, frozen shrimp, fancypants gourmet chicken sausages (which freeze very well), jarred pulled pork I made in my crock pot three weekends earlier...  Like everything else in this recipe, you can go as low-budget or as pretentiously gourmet as you like.  Microwave frozen things on 50% for a minute or two in the bowl you’re planning to eat your dinner in, then throw them right into the frying pan.)

Step 5: Season (for real this time) Taste the stuff in your frying pan and decide what it needs.  You can throw in dried spices or fresh or dried herbs, or splash in soy sauce or vinegar or sriracha, or anything else you use to season food.  Season heavily, because your carbs are going to stretch all the flavors out, except for salt--you can add that once everything’s in the same pan.

Step 6: Combine When your starch is mostly-almost-done, drain most but not all of the liquid, and dump the pasta or quinoa or rice or whatever-you’ve-got right into the skillet.  (Leaving in a little bit of pasta liquid will help thicken everything and stick it together.)  Mix it all up with your trusty wooden spoon or plastic spatula or whatever you’re using and let it all hang out for a minute while you get your bowl.  Here’s where you taste and add more salt if it really needs.

(Optional: Cheese If it’s been that kind of day and the stuff in your pan + the contents of your fridge offer up a tasty combination, turn the heat off and just dump a shitton of shredded cheese right into the pan.  Mix everything fast so it all melts together from the heat of the pasta and it all gets melty and a little stringy and delicious.)

And that’s it!  One Frozen Veggie + One Carby Base + One Wet Canned/Jarred Thing + a few minutes of cooking + some spices + optional meats and/or cheeses = dinner, fifteen to twenty minutes after walking in the front door, plus probably lunch for tomorrow along with it.

This is also very often my base recipe even when I’m working with fresh veggies or raw meat.  Chopping fresh veggies adds an extra 5-10 minutes at the front end, depending on how many different kinds of vegetables I’m using.  (Make sure any raw veggies go into the pan before any frozens, because they’ll take longer to cook.)  If I’m working with raw meat or fish, or I’ve marinated tofu and I want it to get brown and tasty, I’ll generally season my protein and sautee it in the pan before I do anything else, then set it to the side in the bowl I plan to eat dinner in and cook everything else just the same as normal.

Obviously this takes a little bit of flavor-matching when it gets to the seasoning stage, but the whole ‘match a frozen thing to a canned/wet thing’ part is surprisingly forgiving, particularly if you stick to individual veggies instead of trying to play with one of those mixed vegetable medleys.  

I generally season a few different ways based on my ‘wet’ ingredient:

Canned tomatoes --> tons of garlic, any vaguely Italian herbs like basil/oregano/fennel, mozzarella or Parmesan cheese

Black or red beans --> lots of chili powder, some garlic, sometimes other spices with a bite like paprika or ginger to round out the flavor for fun, usually cheddar or “southwestern cheese blend”

Canned fruit, orange juice or canned baby corn --> heavy ginger, some garlic, soy sauce, sometimes Chinese Five Spice if I have it around, no cheese

Coconut milk --> just ginger and garlic, OR something vaguely garam masala-like (cinnamon, cumin, cardamom, coriander, cloves, chili, plus also non-c spices like nutmeg and whatever else seems like it might be an okay idea), no cheese

Just broth --> any of the above, OR mustard and paprika, usually with cheddar (particularly if I can add frozen or fresh diced apples to a frozen veg like broccoli)

Pesto, harissa, salsa, and other jarred ingredients usually have tons of seasoning in them already, so I season lightly to enhance whatever they’ve already got going on

(Worth noting that I grew up on Italian cooking, so I think garlic belongs in everything and I’m very much not an expert on many flavor profiles--these are things that taste good to me, and a place that might work for you to start from if you don’t have a lot of ideas what you might like.)

Good luck!  Happy cooking!  

[fattywrites]

Cheap, Simple Recipes

So I’ve put together 10 of my cheapest recipes. Each one - according to my grocery costs - runs about ~$5 to feed ~6 people (or one very, very hungry fatty). 

1. cabbage and sausage >>put like half a stick of butter in a pan (this is necessary). Get in melting. Go in with a sliced onion and one of those rul cheap smoked sausage links cut into slices (I cut mine super thin so that I get more bites of sausage). When the sausage is looking brown and the onions are soft, hit it with an entire head of cabbage. You can cut the cabbage how you want to. Sometimes I slice it thin like slaw, and this only takes like 40 minutes. Other times I cut it in bite-size squares, and this takes an hour and a half. It’s up to you. Anyway throw a whole head of cabbage sans core in there. If you can barely stir the pan, you’re doing it right. Season with seasoned salt or creole seasoning (or regular salt, I guess) and let it cook covered low and slow, stirring it like every 10-15 minutes until the cabbage is all softened and buttery and your mouth is watering. I honestly make this like every two weeks cuz it’s life, so be warned, it’s addictive.

2. haluski >>Shred an entire head of cabbage and start melting some butter in a rul big sautee pan. When the butter’s melted throw in the cabbage. You can also throw in a sliced onion if you want. Don’t forget to salt and pepper (I use creole seasoning, keep in interesting). Get that going. Heat a pot of salted water (I use creole seasoning to salt the water, too. No chill) to a boil while the cabbage is going. Add in a bag of egg noodles to the water, cook & drain them. The cabbage should be ready. Add in the egg noodles. Carefully fry them up with the cabbage, adding more butter if you need to. Once it’s getting a little crispy, take it off the heat and serve.

3. congris >>I’m going to be honest, I have about 7 different recipes for congris and I don’t remember which one is my favorite so I’m going to give you 2 options Option one: drain a can of black beans over a measuring cup. Get a sauce pot hot with some coconut oil, fry up a lil garlic, a small onion, and like half of a green bell pepper. Add in 2 cups rice and fry it in the oil for 3 mins (I actually set a timer cuz I’m bad at noticing when the rice is toasted). Hit it with the beans, then take your measuring cup to your water supply and fill it to the 3 cup mark (move fast don’t burn your rice). Add the water in (stand back it’s gone bubble up). Mix it. Season it with EITHER adobo seasoning OR a chicken bouillon cube (Maggi is the best ijs). Add a touch of oregano. Bring it to the boil, boil it until the water’s looking kind of evaporated and you can see the rice, then cover it, drop it to low, and let it steam for 30 minutes. You actually want the rice to be dry not sticky, and for there to be a crust on the bottom of the pan. Option two: drain a can of black beans over a measuring cup. Get a sauce pot hot with some coconut oil and fry up like a 1/4 or a 1/3 cup of sofrito (the green one. It has a different name in the grocery store but literally everyone I know whose latinx calls them both sofrito lmao). This is not going to take long. Add in your 2 cups rice, toast it 3 minutes. Add the black beans in. Fill your bean-juice filled cup up to 3 cups, add it in. Use EITHER adobo seasoning to taste OR add a chicken cube (Maggi is best). Boil it until the extra water has evaporated off, drop it to low-low and cover it, let it cook 30 minutes until the rice is cooked by dry and there’s a crust on the bottom of the pan.

4. split pea soup >>Heat your oil of choice in the bottom of a pot, then add in some onion, garlic, a carrot cut into pieces, and if you have any, some sweet pepper. Let it cook a little. Wash and drain 2 cups (or a 1lb bag) of split peas. Add them in. Cover in water, add in chicken bouillon for your salt, then throw in a leftover steak bone. Cook for 2-3 hours or until the peas have turned to mush. Can be eaten on its own but I like to crumble a piece of corn bread in the bottom of my bowl and then ladle the soup over it, oh ma god.

5. bacon beans >>Cut up like half a package to a full package of bacon and fry them in your soup pot. When the fat is rendered out, add in 1-2 jalepenos diced finely with their membranes and seeds removed (you can put the seeds if you want but that’ll make this rul spicy). Wash and sort 2 cups or a 1 lb bag of dry pinto beans (no soaking required). Add them into the pot when the bacon’s looking incredible, then add enough water to cover the beans by like an inch. Add a chicken bouillon cube and about 1/3 cup of red salsa (whatever’s in your fridge is fine). Mix it up, and cook it covered (or uncovered if it looks soupy) for a few hours. It’s done when the beans are soft and tender and when your entire house smells so good you don’t even know what to do about it. Like the split pea soup, I usually serve this over a crumbled up slice of corn bread.

6. ham and peas >>Dice up a package of fully cooked ham (you can use those precut ham chunks, you can use a ham slice, you can use ham slices for sandwiches if that’s all you have, you can also use smoked sausage cut in quarters and diced or hot dogs diced up, I won’t tell on you lol). Add a good amount of butter to a sauce pan, add some sliced garlic, put it on medium heat, go in with your ham and sautee it. When it’s starting to get brown, add in a bag of frozen peas. Let it heat through and mix around until the peas are that gorgeous bright green color they get. Then take it off the heat. This literally takes like 10 minutes.

7. pasta e ceci >>fun fact, I got this recipe from my Italian Renaissance history professor. This dish predates the use of tomatoes in Italy and it was a staple dish among the peasants. Put some olive oil in a pan. Slice up a few garlic cloves, put them in the cold oil, then turn the heat on. Once that’s sizzling dump in a can of chickpeas with their juices. Add a little bit more water to make sure they’re covered, change the heat to high. Add adobo seasoning (or salt, I guess) and like a half tablespoon of dried rosemary depending on how old your rosemary is. Let it boil for like 5 minutes, then mash 1/2-3/4 of the chickpeas. Add in 2 cups of a small pasta shape - elbows, shells, bowties, etc - then add enough water to cover the pasta by like an inch. Still on high heat, cook it, stirring occasionally, until the pasta is done and the chickpea sauce is thicc. This takes about 15 minutes but it also depends on how much water you add and I am a lawless hellion who doesn’t measure things so I can’t help you there. This tastes amazing asf though.

8. beans and greens >>Soake a 1lb bag of washed/sorted white beans the night before.Day of, add garlic to a good amount of butter or olive oil in a soup pot, then heat it. Water your outdoor plants with the bean water, then add the beans to the pot and add fresh water to cover the beans by an inch or two. Add in some chicken bouillon as salt, a can of diced tomatoes, some herbs (I like italian seasoning here), a little red pepper flake, and lots of black pepper. If you have any old hard cheese rinds, add it in here, too. Cook it for like 2 hours until the white beans get rul thicc and break down. Then add some finely sliced dark, leafy greens and let them break down (if you’re using collards just add them when you add the beans, btw. But I typically use a bag of frozen kale cuz it’s already cut small asf). Also this might take a lot longer than 2 hours to cook if you have old beans, fair warning. After the greens are tender, the soup is done. As a Next Level flavoring, if you have miso paste on hand and you mix a little in at the end it takes this soup to the next level. This is definitely optional, though.

9. john bisseti >>This is another old family recipe from my great-grandmother during the Great Depression. One time her sister published the recipe and she didn’t talk to her for a few years. My great-grandmother passed away like 40 years ago but I don’t want to be haunted so I’ve adapted this from her original a little, it is not the recipe I use. Brown a package of ground sausage with green pepper, onion, and celery, and cook a bag of egg noodles. Mix up a can of condensed tomato soup. Grease a 9x13 baking dish. Add half the noodles, then add half the sausage mix. Add the rest of the noodles, then add the rest of the meat. Sprinkle shredded cheese on top, then pour the soup mix over everything. Bake at 375 for 1 hour. You want the noodles at the top to be crisp and crunchy.

10. kimchi soup >>This isn’t authentic at all but it’s friggin delicious and I highly recommend it. Heat oil in the bottom of a soup pot. Sautee a sliced smoke sausage link and the white parts from a full bunch of green onions. If you want to splurge for mushrooms, dice some up and add those as well. Once it’s a bit brown, go in with a jar of kimchi that’s already cut up. If you don’t want this to clear your sinuses I recommend draining the brine off* first. Saute it a little bit, then add an entire head of cabbage cut in bite-size pieces (shredded, square, your choice). If it’s hard to mix, you’re doing it right. Season with adobo or creole seasoning or salt--kimchi is salty so don’t use too much, and especially if you put the brine it, you may not need to add salt at all. Let it go on low like 20 minutes, then go mix it up so your sausage doesn’t burn. Then cook the shit out of it. Low and slow for like 2-3 hours. You shouldn’t need to add any liquid beyond what cooks out of the cabbage. Just before serving add in all the green parts from your green onion bundle. This soup is the best.

PROTIP: you can reserve the kimchi brine (or the brine of any pickles you like) in a jar, add in freshly cut vegetables, put it back in the fridge, and in a few days you can enjoy refrigerator pickles.