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cosettefauchelevente · 3 years

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a list of Irish unsolved mysteries, conspiracy theories, oddities, and mildly interesting events

abbeyshrule airfield is secretly being used by the american military?

the amazing blondini

anchor falls from the sky and attaches itself to church door. man is seen swimming from "sky ship" to try and release it.

ancient bog butter

anime advert released in 1997 to advertise murphy's irish stout

anne bonny, legendary female pirate who mysteriously disappeared

ardnacrusha rabbits

beauchamp bagenal, adventurer and handsomest man in ireland, who "fought a prince, jilted a princess, intoxicated the doge of venice, carried off a duchess from madrid, scaled the walls of a convent in lisbon, and concluded his exploits with a duel in paris."

beehive huts

big bertha, the world's oldest cow

bleeding religious statues in templemore, tipperary

butcher sees a flash of light and smoke coming from a field; investigates and discovers a tiny corpse that gardaí believed to be a rabbit. however, belfast laboratory carries out tests and marks the specimen "alien embryo."

chaocipher, the unbreakable code. only 3 people were entrusted with the knowledge of how to solve it by the creator.

celtic cross made out of trees viewable if you fly over donegal

chinese porcelain letter seals mysteriously found scattered in various locations in ireland

coffin of elderly woman dug up and mysteriously dumped on tipping point

the colleen bawn bust

conger bread

couple mysteriously disappear after attending funeral; their belongings are all intact and their house is undisturbed

dave mustaine of megadeth once yelled "give ireland back to the irish!" at a northern ireland concert. a fight broke out in the crowd, and megadeth had to travel in a bulletproof bus.

the death of sophie toscan du plantier, one of ireland's most famous murders

disappearance and death of andrew spence

disappearance of american woman annie mccarick in ireland

disappearance of jimmy o'neill, longest missing person case in ireland

disappearance of postman larry griffin

disappearance of lisa dorrian

disappearance of 6 year old mary boyle

disappearance of schoolboy philip cairns

disappearance of trevor deely

during the easter rising, the fighting stopped twice a day so the ducks in st stephen's green could be fed

the earliest known illustration of the moon is in a passage grave near the river boyne

éamon de valera was made an honorary ojibwe chieftain

elliot warburton wrote a book called darien, or the merchant prince, about a disaster on a steamship. warburton later died in a disaster on a steamship and his novel was published posthumously.

the fairy tree of life

the first use of the word dystopia was by john stuart mill, describing british governance of ireland

the freemason's hall in dublin, the second oldest grand lodge in the world

free-spirited englishman moves to ireland following a holiday; goes missing. there have been numerous reported sightings of him over the years, with some believing him to have joined a cult called the hare krishnas.

george bernard shaw tried to reform the alphabet

girl's face visible on satellite images of belfast's titanic quarter

goats predict weather

the hungry tree, an 80 year old tree eating an iron bench in the grounds of ireland's oldest law school

hy-brasil, a phantom island said to lie in the atlantic ocean west of ireland. it appears on some early maps but has never been reached. according to myth, it is shrouded in mist except for one day every 7 years when it becomes visible.

icelandic father flies to ireland for a poker tournament, disappears in broad daylight never to be seen again

inishmaan, the most isolated of the aran islands. with a population of only two hundred, irish is still the vernacular language and fishing is the main trade.

ireland has the highest number of ufo sightings in europe

ireland's only native reptile

irish guards officer falls 3,500 feet from an aircraft after parachute fails to open; survives by smashing through a corrugated iron roof in kenya which broke his fall

the irish loch ness monster

irishman attempted to steal the crown jewels in broad daylight; was pardoned because king charles ii was so impressed with his daring

irishman disappears in middle-eastern desert while on religious pilgrimage

irish people eat more breakfast cereal than any other country in the world

irish sheep boy

irishman survives both the sinking of the titanic and the sinking of the empress of ireland

irish teenage girl living in spain goes out on new years day; is never seen again. her brother is later on stabbed by their stepfather.

island off the coast of dublin populated by wallabies

jack lattin, a young musician from kildare who danced 8 miles before dropping dead of exhaustion in 1731

jean mcconville; kidnapped and murdered by the provisional ira for allegedly being an informant. her murder remains unsolved, with a number of high-ranking figures as suspects.

jenny diver, famous pickpocket who was educated, attractive, well-dressed, and led a gang of thieves

the kerry babies, one of the most tragic cases in 20th century ireland

killbrittain whale

king puck

kinnitty pyramid

kyleter's inn, kilkenny's oldest inn, which was established by ireland's first convicted witch.

limerick once briefly ruled itself in a soviet style government

the mayo gaa curse - why does mayo always reach the finals only for disaster to strike at the last minute?

the man who never existed, an unknown man who died almost as soon as he arrived in ireland

memorial plaque honouring someone who never existed near o'connell bridge, dublin

a mexican pilot crash landed in ireland and the locals came together to build a temporary runway for him to take off and continue his flight

mother in rural town vanishes into thin air

mound of the hostages, an ancient neolithic tomb that only lets in light twice a year

murdering lane and cutthroat lane

murder of moll mccarthy. a man was executed for her murder but was posthumously discovered to be innocent. her real murderer is still unknown.

the murder of raonaid murray; witnesses heard her telling someone to "leave her alone" and "go away", but ignored it. they then heard her scream as she was stabbed. her murder is still unsolved.

mv plassey, a steam trawler that ran aground in the 1960s and is still standing on the shoreline of inis oirr. it can be seen in the opening credits of father ted.

oliver plunkett's head

o'shea's pub

priest unjustly executed, all 12 jurors and the hangman subsequently died violent deaths

queen maeve, a galway duck, lays world's largest duck egg, almost as big as an ostrich egg. when the outer shell was broken, another egg was found inside.

st michan's church, a place where you can shake hands with an 800 year old mummy

stray cat found in northern ireland in 2015. its microchip information revealed that the cat is australian and 25 years old.

suspicious ships off the coast of kerry unloads what appears to be military equipment. inspired numerous conspiracy theories although some believe it to be a hoax.

the theft of the irish crown jewels

thomas legge, irish wandering adventurer who became a fakir and lived naked in an empty tomb in the deserts of rajasthan

the unsolved mystery of aer lingus flight 712

the vanishing lake in antrim

the vanishing triangle: an area where many young women have disappeared without a trace

what happened to shergar, the famous racehorse?

what killed the irish immigrants buried in a mass grave shortly after their arrival to philadelphia?

who killed lizzie o'neill?

"why go bald" neon sign in dublin

the world's most successful fugitive, john patrick hannan, is irish. he avoided capture for over 60 years and is still at large

the world's oldest bar is in ireland. it's been in business since 900 ad

the world's shortest play, just 35 seconds long

yola; a language derived from middle english that was spoken in wexford. it went extinct in the 19th century and had french, flemish, and welsh influences.

young woman disappears after going to nightclub; no body has been found and there is an unusual lack of evidence

2 iron age bog bodies were discovered in 2003. they were both well-groomed males, one with manicured nails and another with hair styled with gel. they had both been murdered.

the 12 pubs of christmas

in 1875 there was a fire in a whiskey distillery. 13 people died, not from the fire, but from alcohol poisoning due to drinking the whiskey that was flowing down the street in rivers

385 million year old foot prints in kerry

#Ireland #cosette.txt #long post #might do a part 2 #send me links to your own country's weird obscure incidents and unsolved mysteries if you want #i love this type of stuff #masterpost

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dwellordream · 3 years

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“Doubtless many reigns have begun amidst an atmosphere of jubilant expectation; but this beginning had an especial lustre. For the new king, accession to the throne brought deliverance from a long, probably oppressive subjection to a stern father and grandmother, and released him into the bright, cloudless warmth of gaiety, freedom and power. He stood now on the brink of manhood, suddenly clad with the full panoply of kingship. He ascended a throne which his father had made remarkably secure, he inherited a fortune which probably no English king had ever been bequeathed, he came to a kingdom which was the best governed and most obedient in Christendom. Shortly before his death, his father had granted a general pardon to his people. The new king confirmed this - in ampler form.

His father left him a body of accomplished ministers, most of whom would continue to serve him. But those two men, Richard Empson and Edmund Dudley, who had served Henry VII's money-gathering and law-enforcement so assiduously, and whose 'unreasonable and extort doing noble men grudged, mean men kicked, poor men lamented, preachers openly at Paul's Cross and other places exclaimed, rebuked and detested' - these would be cast aside. Within a few hours of his accession Henry had been so roused to wrath by tales of their wrong-doing that, even as he came to the Tower amidst the trumpets and rejoicing on that 23 April, the second day of his reign, they were seized and brought thither as prisoners, where they languished until their execution sixteen months later.

'Heaven and earth rejoices; everything is full of milk and honey and nectar. Avarice has fled the country. Our king is not after gold, or gems, or precious metals, but virtue, glory, immortality.' So wrote Lord Mountjoy to Erasmus in a celebrated, and, as it proved, somewhat inaccurate, outburst of enthusiasm. There had come to the throne the very perfection of Christian kingship - gracious, gifted and enlightened - and with his coming, it seemed, bleak days must give way to bounteous prosperity. The new king quickly married; and, after all, he married Catherine. He himself said that he did so in obedience to his father's dying wish, but it may well be that his story of Henry VII's deathbed change of heart was invented shortly afterwards to placate the Habsburgs whose daughter, Eleanor, had just been jilted.

Fuensalida believed that it was the young king himself who brought about the change of plan, and this may be the truth. Five days after Henry VII died, the ambassador was still convinced that Catherine's cause was lost and quoted two members of the Council to the effect that the dying king had assured his son that he was free to marry whomsoever he chose. Then the situation changed radically. Fuensalida was suddenly called before the Council and, to his astonishment, not only assured of the king's fervent goodwill towards the princess, but told by the bishop of Durham, Thomas Ruthal, who had at that moment emerged from a meeting with Henry in a nearby room, that such matters as Catherine's dowry were trifles and that the king looked to him to settle quickly all the details concerning the marriage; whereupon he withdrew in some bewilderment and set about recovering the possessions of the princess which he had already begun to transfer to Bruges.'

Six weeks later, on 11 June, the marriage between Henry and Catherine was solemnized in the Franciscan church at Greenwich. A little while before there had been some talk of a possible scruple about his marrying his dead brother's widow, and many years later Bishop Fox recalled that the archbishop of Canterbury, William Warham, had disapproved of the union, apparently because he doubted the sufficiency or validity of the now six year-old bull of dispensation - though on what ground he did so we are not told. Warham's qualms were to be of consequence nearly two decades hence when the lawfulness of this marriage became a matter of impassioned debate; but for the moment any doubts there may have been were brushed aside as a proud king undid the protest he had made at his father's command three years before and finally (and freely) ratified his union with a princess who, though five years his senior, was probably still beautiful and certainly of a quality of mind and life which few queens have seriously rivalled.

At least outwardly, her husband was, and had been since childhood, immensely striking. Ten years before, Erasmus had strolled over to Eltham in the company of Thomas More to meet the royal children and been much impressed by the grace and poise of the eight year-old Duke Henry. By the time he came to the throne he had burgeoned into a full-blooded seventeen year-old, upon whom Nature had showered apparently every gift. 'His majesty', wrote a dazzled Venetian shortly after the new reign began, 'is the handsomest potentate I ever set eyes on.' He was tall and splendidly built, with glowing auburn hair 'combed short and straight in the French fashion' and a pink round face so delicately cut 'that it would become a pretty woman'.'

He was 'extremely handsome. Nature could not have done more for him,' one said a few years later, in 1519. 'He is much handsomer than any sovereign in Christendom; a great deal handsomer than the king of France, very fair and his whole frame admirably proportioned.' His was a superlative body. He was a capital horseman who could stay in the saddle for hour after hour and tire out eight or ten horses; he exulted in hawking, wrestling and dancing; he excelled at tennis, 'at which game it is the prettiest thing in the world to see him play, his fair skin glowing through a shirt of the finest texture'. He could throw a twelve-foot spear many yards, withstand all-comers in mock combat with heavy, two-handed swords, draw the bow with greater strength than any man in England.

In July 1513, while at Calais on his first campaign, he practised archery with the archers of his guard and 'cleft the mark in the middle and surpassed them all, as he surpasses them in stature and personal graces'. Above all, he delighted in prowess in the ring and at the barrier, the sovereign sport of princes. Through the summer of 1508 the prince of Wales, still only just seventeen, had hurled his keen, tireless body into the fury of the tournament and excelled all his opponents, and his accession to the throne would inaugurate a festival of apparently endless jousting and tilting, at which the king ever carried away the prizes.

When Erasmus first met him on that day in 1499 - standing with his sisters Margaret and Mary and his infant brother Edmund, soon to die - he 'sent me a little note, while we were at dinner, to challenge something from my pen'; whereupon Erasmus, unable to perform extempore, spent three anxious days composing an ode entitled 'A Description of Britain, King Henry VII and the King's Children' and a eulogy of Skelton (who had doubtless been the true author of the boy's message), to which he added some odds and ends scraped together from the bottom of his trunk to form a literary nosegay worthy of the young duke.'

Seven years later Erasmus wrote to Henry and received so accomplished a reply that he was convinced that someone else had had a large hand in its composition. But Lord Mountjoy, his patient patron, showed him a number of letters from the prince to various people in which there were so many signs of corrections and additions that Erasmus was forced to abandon his scepticism. Presumably Skelton and Hone pushed Henry's pen to paper, for in later life Henry was never an industrious letter-writer - except during those months twenty years or so later when romantic passion got the better of sluggishness and drew from him some rather heavy sighings for his absent beloved, Anne Boleyn. But Henry was undoubtedly a precocious, nimble-minded pupil.

He knew Latin and French and some Italian. He is said to have acquired some Spanish, and about 1519 had a sufficient (if passing) interest in Greek to receive instruction in this fashionable language from Richard Croke, a minor English humanist who had hitherto been at Paris, Louvain, Cologne and Leipzig, and was now to teach at Cambridge. His grasp of theology may have been less assured than he supposed, but it was remarkable for a king; he showed himself an apt student of mathematics; and it was his custom to take Thomas More 'into his private room, and there some time in matters of astronomy, geometry, divinity and such other faculties, and some time in his worldly affairs, to sit and confer with him, and other whiles would he in the night have him up into the leads [i.e. the roof] there to consider with him the diversities, courses, motions and operations of the stars and planets'.

Above all he was a gifted, enthusiastic musician. He had music wherever he went, on progress, on campaign. He scoured England for singing boys and men for the chapels royal, and even stole talent from Wolsey's choir, of which he was evidently jealous. Sacred music in the Renaissance style - the work of Benedict de Opitiis and Richard Sampson, later bishop of Chichester - was introduced into the royal chapel in 1516 and sung by a choir judged by an Italian visitor to be 'more divine than human'; and between 1518 and 1528 the king acquired a collection of French and Netherlandish music. Henry had many foreign musicians at court, like the violist Ambrose Lupo, the lutenist Philip van Wilder from the Netherlands, as well as trumpeters, flautists and two Italian organists, de Opitiis and the famous Dionisio Memo, organist of St Mark's, Venice, who was lured to England in 1516 and would sometimes perform for four hours at a stretch before the king and court.

There were twenty-six lutes in Henry's collection of instruments, together with trumpets, viols, rebecs, sackbuts, fifes and drums, harpsichords and organs. The king himself played the lute well; he could manage the organ and was skilled on the virginals (which perhaps John Heywood, his virginalist, taught him). He had a strong, sure voice, could sight-read easily, and delighted to sing with a courtier like Sir Peter Carew 'certain songs they called "freeman's songs", as "By the banks as I lay" and "As I walked the wood so wild" '. His court was a generous patron to composers, headed by the great Dr Fairfax, if not Henry himself - for the king wrote at least two five-part Masses, a motet, a large number of instrumental pieces, part songs and rounds. 'Pastime with good company', 'Helas, madam' and perhaps 'Gentle prince' are his work; so too the motet 'O Lord, the maker of all thing' - no mean achievement for a monarch.

Henry has traditional.ly been seen, alongside James IV of Scotland or the colourful, versatile Emperor Maximilian I, as the archetype of resplendent Renaissance monarchy; and the praise which Erasmus and other humanists heaped upon the zeal for learning and the arts of this king who had been so generously endowed in mind and body seemed to justify this picture of him. But, though Erasmus could speak stern words about monarchy and wealth, he was a shameless flatterer of kings and the wealthy, and we should treat his outpourings with caution. If anything, Henry was the last of the troubadours and the heir of Burgundian chivalry: a youth wholly absorbed in dance and song, courtly love and knight-errantry.

He was to grow into a rumbustious, noisy, unbuttoned, prodigal man - the 'bluff king Hal' of legend - exulting in his magnificent physique, boisterous animal exercise, orgies of gambling and eating, lavish clothes. 'His fingers were one mass of jewelled rings and around his neck he wore a gold collar from which hung a diamond as big as a walnut', wrote the Venetian ambassador, Giustinian, of him. He loved to dress up and his wardrobe, ablaze with jewels of all description and cloth of gold, rich silks, sarcenets, satins and highly-coloured feathers, constantly astounded beholders. He was a man who lived with huge, extroverted ebullience, at least in the earlier part of his life, revelling in spectacular living, throwing away money amidst his courtiers on cards, tennis and dicing, dazzling his kingdom.

Many readers will have their chosen picture of him - Henry, cock-sure and truculent, astride one of Holbein's canvases; Henry, dressed in dazzling richness and with a huge gold whistle, crusted with jewels, hanging from a gold chain, dining with his queen aboard Henry Grace a Dieu on the occasion of its launching; Henry walking up and down More's garden at Chelsea for an hour with his arm round More's neck;' Henry showing the Venetian ambassador his fine calf and demanding to know whether it was not a finer one than the French king boasted; Henry, at Hunsdon, over twenty years later, holding his precious son Edward in his arms and bringing him proudly to a window 'to the sight and great comfort of all the people'.

He was a formidable, captivating man who wore regality with splendid conviction. But easily and unpredictably his great charm could turn into anger and shouting. When (as was alleged) he hit Thomas Cromwell round the head and swore at him, or addressed a lord chancellor (Wriothesley) as 'my pig',' his mood may have been amiable enough, but More knew that the master who put his arm lovingly round his neck would have his head if it 'could win him a castle in France'. He was highly-strung and unstable; hypochondriac and possessed of a strong streak of cruelty. Possibly he had an Oedipus complex: and possibly from this derived a desire for, yet horror of, incest, which may have shaped some of his sexual life.”

- J.J. Scarisbrick, “The New King.” in Henry VIII

#henry viii of england #tudor #history #j.j. scarisbrick #jj just had to throw that freudian psych in there

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writeblrfantasy · 3 years

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a king and his knight 2 | part 2

the knight of the tower, as she told him she was, explained the problem with the tower. it had been cursed to make her fight it at every turn, though she and her family had owned it for generations. the man who’d laid the curse had free reign of the tower thanks to it, she couldn’t force him out. thankfully he left her alone most of the time, disappearing to a corner of the tower she couldn’t fit into.

the knight needed to help her get rid of the man and lift the curse in order to win his tournament. “i’ll give you a portion of my riches if you help me,” the knight of the tower promised, and the knight vowed not to leave until he’d helped her. she’d attacked him because she was now wary of strangers and angry at everything, and she didn’t have time to waste with travelers or those who needed her help. the knight, though, was happy to provide his.

however, he sensed that there was something more to this than just the tower. if his tower was stolen from him, he’d be annoyed and a bit more coherent, but his fellow knight seemed almost scared. she wouldn’t stop gnawing on her lip, closing her eyes and sucking breath in, ducking her head to pray. she removed her helmet to reveal greasy and knotted blonde hair and dirt streaked across her face, bags under her eyes. the knight tried unsubtly to guide her to the nearby river to wash. he asked her outright what was wrong, why this meant so much to her, to get her distracted as they both washed. at least they didn’t have to worry about a water source.

she told him that the man who’d cursed the tower had kidnapped the woman she loved most in the world, a queen whom the knight had heard of. no one had heard anything about it because the woman’s domain was significantly smaller than all those around, and this had just happened in the past month, when the queen and this knight had gone away for a bit. no one expected them back for another few weeks, and it was too far to travel to ask for help. besides, this knight didn’t want to leave her queen alone. the knight would’ve felt the same in her place.

he also suspected that she had a sense of responsibility for her queen, that it should be her and only her to rescue the queen should things come to that. not every knight was in love with a monarch, but those that were were strict to themselves about protection and earning the gift of their monarch’s love.

“if you are a knight, why the crown?” the knight asked.

“she gave it to me when she was taken,” the woman said sadly, staring blankly at the water. “i wasn’t fast enough to take her back, but she tossed that to me and made me promise to keep it safe. her safe. i failed, but she still believes in me.” her eyes went dull and sad again, and the knight forced himself to wonder how it would feel to fail his own king. the heaviness and panic in his chest were enough to guess.

“we’ll get her back,” the knight said, touching her wrist to get her to look at him. she blinked back shining tears and nodded.

“do you have someone back home?” the other knight asked, probably to take her mind off of her misery.

“the king, actually,” the knight chuckled. his thoughts wandered, as they did every day, to his beloved. what was he doing right now? how much was he missing the knight? was he thinking about him nearly as often as the knight was about him? just picturing his face, closing his eyes and imagining the weight of him in his arms, sleeping on his chest, felt like a soothing balm to every hurt in and out.

the other knight’s eyebrows lifted and a ghost of a smile graced her face. the knight wondered how this could be the same fierce woman he’d fought. perhaps fighting was her way of distracting herself from her troubles. “really? tell me about him.”

the king was the easiest thing to talk about in the world. the knight didn’t realize how long he’d been rambling until the sun flashed into his eyes and he saw that it was sunset. he smiled, embarrassed, and helped the other knight to her feet. they’d been sitting with their feet in the river this whole time. it’d given him time to rest his leg, at least. she didn’t have bandages, but he tore a piece off his trousers and tied it tightly around the cut as a makeshift bandage.

“thank you,” she said, wiping her clean hair off her face. the knight had shared his soap. “i didn’t realize that i needed someone to talk to. i’ve been going out of my mind here, alone, with this stress. i didn’t know what i was going to do.”

the knight smiled. “you’re welcome.” they pulled their washed clothes back on and the female knight led him to the tower. she could go in it and occupy it, but it didn’t trust her like it had before. it could do anything to her. that was why having control of it was so important.

she provided him a meager meal of old bread and jerky, saying that the tower usually provided its own meals but those had been lost to her as well. they sat on the hard cold stone floor and ate, and the knight was too ravenous to care about the quality. “tell me about your queen,” he said. the woman was more reserved with her stories, but she clearly loved her queen just as much. though the queen hadn’t returned her feelings yet.

she described the queen’s beauty, dark skin that supposedly glowed in the sunlight and a smile that reached her warm brown eyes and welcomed anyone. she wore the grandest of gowns, beautiful flowing yellow silks, and the handsomest trousers and tunics in greens and reds and browns.

she turned the queen’s crown over and over in her hands, a silver circlet of leaves. her queen was fair and just to all, and the knight remembered the exact moment she’d fallen in love with her.

she’d come to the queen’s court from the tower years ago without a penny, seeking pity, any help at all, and the queen had smiled and taken her hand and promised that she wouldn’t let anything happen to her. this knight had known she’d do anything to keep the queen and her fair legacy alive, and she’d been sworn in as a knight that same day, earning money with the skills she’d developed as a young girl.

the knight couldn’t remember ever meeting this queen himself, though he knew his king had for trade and diplomatic visits. “she sounds lovely,” he said. “and you are devoted to her?”

“yes,” the woman said without hesitation. “utterly.”

the knight smiled at the familiar tone.

“you, however, sound more than devoted,” the woman said with a larger smile. “you sound utterly whipped.”

the knight laughed, happy to see the woman in a good mood. “so what if i am? for him, i’m happy to be.”

the woman gave him a spot on the floor to lay his bedroll, close to hers so that they could protect each other. the knight couldn’t sleep, expecting this mysterious curser to jump out at any moment, but with his sword clutched in his hand, he could eventually sleep. the woman appeared to have no problem falling asleep.

she probably stole any moment she could to sleep. this was her tower, and she would die defying the curse and defending it. she slept with that monster of a sword in her hand also. even though he’d beaten her, the knight would be scared of the woman sleeping with that in her hand and stay the hell away. not to mention her thick, chiseled arms and legs, her height, everything about her at first glance was scary.

they made it till morning with the only evidence of the man being some food stores missing, they began outlining an idea for getting the tower and the queen back. the woman had a fair idea where he was hiding out when not invading her tower, where he was keeping the queen. “there’s a series of underground tunnels a mile or so out,” she said. “you can easily get lost there, but if you can find your way around, you’ll be fine.”

“a ball of string,” the knight suggested instantly. the woman nodded and said they could buy some on the way.

the two knights packed their packs, trying to stow their nerves. the woman didn’t have a horse, so they shared the knight’s. the feel of her arms around his waist made him think of his king, and he forced back a pang of want. he asked the woman to talk about some of her favorite moments with the queen, funny stories, anything to distract him from his pining. god, he missed the king. he missed him so much.

think of those rewards. that loot. his smile when he sees them. his kiss.

and he did, of course, want to save the queen for her knight. would he be a chivalrous knight if he didn’t?

shorts taglist: @magic-is-something-we-create @missingpeace @lunarmoment

i am very tempted to draw some art of these two knights kicking ass they’re so cool

i am also DEFINITELY going to write a spinoff about these ladies

also shoutout to pax for giving me the idea to give this lovely lady a queen love interest

part 3 coming soon!! thanks everybody for reading!!

#writing #writing shorts #lgbt writing shorts #writeblr #fantasy writeblr #fantasy writing #lila's short stories #lgbt writing #lgbt character

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duhragonball · 5 years

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Dragon Ball Z 209

This is the “Fuck All Cameras” Episode, which is kind of awesome, but also a little outdated in this age of smartphones. If Piccolo blew up my phone just to keep me from taking pictures of his friends, that’d be really inconvenient. My boarding pass for the flight home would be on there, for example.

We open on this dude, who’s just doing martial arts stunts for a crowd of bystanders. Who is he? We never find out, but he does look pretty cool.

This somewhat less cool-looking dude shoves him out of the way before we can learn anything about him, and this reporter lady starts interviewing him instead.

So it’s the 25th Tenkaichi Budokai and Videl’s here to enter, but she also specifically wants to fight Gohan, so she’s trying to find him. Instead she runs into Sharpner, who for some reason is now madly in love with Videl. I mean, I don’t blame him, Videl’s awesome and all, but we saw none of this in Sharpner’s previous appearances. He sat next to her in school, so I guess he was trying to get close to her until he was ready to shoot his shot. But now he’s wearing a suit and offering her a bouquet of roses, so this seems awfully sudden.

Basically, Sharpner’s throwing out everything he knows to try, and he can’t even get Videl to turn around. This is downright painful to watch. Some dork probably told Sharpner to “just tell her how you feel” and here he is doing it and he’s going down in flames. You can make the argument that his approach here is kind of crappy, but it doesn’t matter, because he doesn’t have a chance here and he never did. Videl didn’t cut her hair for Sharpner, she did it for the boy who taught her how to fly. There’s no topping that, and he doesn’t even know that’s what he’s up against.

I don’t know, I feel for Sharpner here. That feels weird to say, because he’s presented as kind of a dick, but he’s not that bad. Yeah, he tried to pick on Gohan a little, but by the end of the day he respected him for being tougher than he looks. Vegeta beat the shit out of Gohan multiple times, and everyone loves that guy. I’m not saying Sharpner “deserves” Videl or anything, but it sucks that he clearly worked up a lot of courage to make this big play for her affections, only to find out that he’s a bit player in someone else’s story.

Likewise, this little girl overheard Sharpner’s invitation to go to some stand that sells fruit juice, and she’s smitten. Sharpner’s the handsomest guy she’s ever seen, he’s really old, like maybe ten. He’s offering to buy her juice and she’s taking him up on it. Apple, please! But alas, he wasn’t talking to her, and she’s just a bit player in his story, just as he is for Videl’s.

This is why I don’t respect people who just blow this story off as being nothing but guys screaming at each other for ten episodes. Yes, it has that. It makes time for that. But there’s also a lot of exploration of the human condition in this thing. You just have to be willing to root around for it.

Now, let’s hurry up so we can talk about the Punching Machine.

This shot of Goku strolling through the tournament grounds is awesome. He’s got his best friend and his grown-up son with him, it’s just really great to see. The funny thing is, Goku’s only been absent from the show for a handful of episodes, but it still feels like it’s been seven whole years. It’s just awesome to have him back, and in his old stomping grounds, ready to kick some ass and hug some children.

Trunks isn’t sure what to make of Goku, but he thinks his own dad is stronger. Goten replies that Gohan always said Goku was the “strongest in the universe”, which is weird because Gohan was demonstrably stronger than Goku before he died. Modesty’s one thing, but it’s strange that Gohan would just flat-out say something like that. I mean, Gohan honestly had no idea that he had surpassed Goku until Goku asked him to fight Cell. Could it be that he still can’t accept his superiority on that day, even after all this time?

Goku can’t get used to seeing Krillin with hair. He asks why he stopped shaving it, and 18 walks by. Well, it’s not because 18 likes the hair better. She shaved his head in Res F and seemed to like him better that way, or at least that was my take.

Then Goku finally notices 18 and he’s all “What’s she doing here?”

And Krillin’s like “Me, Goku. She’s doing me here. That’s your answer.”

Goku’s all “How’d you have a baby with a robot?” and Krillin has to explain that 18 was never a robot, just a human with cybernetic enhancements. This is a polite way of saying 18 has reproductive organs. This feels like a bit of a retcon to me. 19 and 20 had entire chunks of their bodies chopped off, and they appeared to be wholly metallic, except for some fluid that might have been blood, and Dr. Gero’s human brain. 17 and 18 claimed to be modified humans, like Gero/#20, but we never saw either of them take any heavy damage, so it was never clear how much of them was still human. At the time, it didn’t especially matter, but once 18 settled down with Krillin and had a baby, it was worth clarifying that this was possible for her. But if she had been in some epic battle and half of her face got ripped off, she’d probably turn out to be metal underneath, and the implication would be that she was just a brain in a robot body like Gero. It just depends on what direction the character went in. Schrödinger’s uteurs.

Later, Gohan runs into Videl, but he explains to her that he’s entered as the Great Saiyaman, so she has to call him that for the whole day. Then she shows off her flying ability to him, but she gets kind of frustrated that she can’t keep up with him.

Then Sharpner runs into them, and he quickly gets the impression that Videl is sweet on this Great Saiyaman person, if that is his real name, which it isn’t.

Gohan tries to leave, probably because he’s afraid Sharpner might recognize him from school, but Videl decides to play along. She doesn’t actually tell Sharpner that she’s dating Great Saiyaman, but she doesn’t deny it either. You can tell from the way she smiles that she enjoys watching him think about it.

Also, when the tournament contestants are summoned to the preliminaries, she takes Gohan’s arm in hers, just to twist the knife. Gohan’s even more unnerved by this, because, as Uncle Raditz once told him, he’s one of the mighty Saiyans too.

Speaking of Raditz, is that him posing in his underwear for a bunch of fans? Is that Luffa on the far left? Computer, zoom in sector 4 and enhance!

I mean, it’s not the standard color, and I’m not even 100% sure that’s supposed to be a woman, but the skin tone and the swagger are there. This isn’t a fan, either. You can tell by the gym bag she’s carrying....... which must contain her usual fighting clothes. It’s perfect. Anyway, she’s here to scold Raditz for skipping Tail Day.

So this reporter and camera crew are trying to get interviews with the contestants, but Vegeta and Piccolo blow them off.

Goku’s more accomodating, but they don’t understand what he means when he says he’s dead and he’s only visiting for the day.

And that’s when Piccolo gets fed up and starts blowing up cameras. Maybe he just doesn’t want Goku explaining the afterlife to the media?

Then we see this dude signing autographs... Is this Jonathan Joestar?

I mean, am I on drugs today? This episode is full of cameos. I came for the exploding cameras, but I stayed for the JoJo references and OC photobombs.

Meanwhile, Sharpner has made it his business to unmask Great Saiyaman and expose his identity to the world. Not sure how or why that would improve his standing with Videl, but I think at this point he’s just upset and this is the only outlet he has for his anger. I would give him credit for not stalking Videl or anything weird like that, but that may be more self-preservation than discretion. Videl would kick his ass in two seconds and he knows it.

The Z-Fighters all assemble in the area for the preliminaries, where all the other competitors are. A bunch of them are working out with weights to pass the time. I really don’t get that. This just seems like a bad time to lift, you know? Also, why bring dumbbells with you. You have to lug them around the whole time, check them on the flight, etc.

On the other hand, I totally get that guy on the left who’s stone cold taking a nap. I guess this is why I never had any talent for combat sports.

Hey, guess who it is? It’s the World Tournament Announcer! He’s still hosting this thing, and he’s delighted to see Goku, Krillin, and Piccolo return. As far as he’s concerned, these events are downright dull without awesome guys like these to make them cool. WTA’s gotten spoiled on gonzo super brawls, and now regular fighting just doesn’t do it for him anymore.

So the funny thing about all of this is that WTA is one of the few people who know that Goku and his friends beat Cell, and not Mr. Satan. King Furry figured it out, based on his recollection of Goku fighting King Piccolo, and he announcer knows it because he witnessed Goku’s battle with Piccolo Junior. That, and WTA watched Mr. Satan win the 24th Budokai, which must not have been nearly as impressive as the Goku/Piccolo battle from the 23rd.

Also, WTA is thrilled to see Goku’s brought even more cool dudes to join the action. He doesn’t understand Goku’s halo, but he still hasn’t made sense of Krillin’s resurrection from back in the day, so by now he’s just given up on trying to figure it out. He only asks that Piccolo doesn’t blow up the ring again, and Piccolo’s all “We’ll see,” which is probably exactly what WTA wanted to hear. Yeah, he doesn’t want the ring destroyed, but he likes the idea that it could happen at any time with this crew. Piccolo’s a master showman.

Does WTA remember that Piccolo’s the same guy who tried to conquer the world? He revealed himself at the 23rd Budokai, but the announcer doesn’t seem to remember, or maybe he figured out that Piccolo turned face by the Cell Games.

In any event, Gohan is pleased to see that there’s at least one person who knows and respects his father’s greatness.

Meanwhile, Sharpner tries to jump on Gohan from one of the rooftops, hoping to pull off his sunglasses, but Gohan bends down to pick up something at the last second, so it goes pear-shaped in a hurry.

Holy fuck he was picking up Captain Ginyu! This episode is truly a cavalcade of stars!

Also, Sharpner hit the pavement so hard he cracked it, and yet he’s still alive and unhurt, which lends to my theory that even ordinary people in Dragon Ball are much, much stronger than real-world people. Bulma could kick Brock Lesnar’s ass, is what I’m saying. He’d F5 her and she’d just jump back up and bitchslap him so hard that it’d break his neck. The cops couldn’t arrest her for murder because she’d be too strong for their feeble handcuffs.

Later, Sharpner gets a kid to pull off Gohan’s sunglasses while he lurks nearby with the camera. It’s too fast for him to recognize him on sight, but he knows the camera got a good shot, but then Piccolo destroys it, along with every other camera in the vicinity. So that takes care of Sharpner.

Okay, just to explain for younger readers, back in the day cameras relied on film, which had to be chemically developed before you could see the picture you took. So that’s why Sharpner didn’t just look at the photos he’d taken before it was too late. I think camera film is still common knowledge, but I’m trying to make sure this blog post will make sense in case someone finds it on archive.org in 2030.

Anyway, Piccolo just flat out explains that he destroyed every camera in the area. There’s a real Ron Swanson energy to Piccolo. “I don’t like flash photography so I murdered all of the cameras. You’re welcome.” Seriously, though, he did it just so Gohan can fight without fear of his disguise falling off. He’s a good friend.

So, in past tournaments, the preliminaries were this single-elimination tournament to choose eight fighters for the quarterfinals. This time around, they have a much faster system: The Punch Machine. Basically, everyone has to punch a device that measures how hard you hit, and the top 15 scorers get to participate in the tournament. The 16th slot automatically goes to Mr. Satan, since he’s the defending champion.

While the Z-Fighters are amused and/or disgusted by Satan’s antics, I think it’s pretty awesome how he comes out, holds up his title belt, and greets the other fighters by asking “Who among you will surpass me?!” I think in the dub he shouts “Who wants this?!” referring to his title belt. He knows one of these guys might beat him. If not today, then some day, and for all his glory-seeking, he accepts that. Plus, he gets the crowd all fired up. Goku just isn’t built that way.

So Mr. Satan does the first punch, which I guess is meant to establish a frame of reference for the machine. It scores him at 137, and I assume everyone thinks no one else can top that, since he’s thought to be the strongest man in the world.

While the gang lines up for their turn, Goku asks if Tien and “them” are coming. He really doesn’t know Chiaotzu’s name, does he? Is he using “them” to refer to Launch too? Or is he just not sure of Chiaotzu’s gender? Maybe he thinks Tien married a robot too. He has no idea.

Anyway, Krillin explains that Tien probably won’t be here. “No, dude, he just looked at us and said ‘I’m leaving now. Goodbye forever.’ And then we never saw him again. Pretty sure he’s not coming.”

All ofthese girls are here to cheer on Videl for when she takes her turn on the Punch Machine. Are they friends from school? Where’s Erasa, then? It seems a bit odd that they’re allowed back here, unless they’re entered in the tournament too, and they don’t appear to be dressed for it.

Anyway, this Punch Machine business really annoys Vegeta. Is that Nappa behind him? Wow.

18 takes her turn, and she tries to hold back, but she ends up getting a score of 774. Whoops.

Krillin scolds her for this, because now the officials think the machine is broken. She tries again and gets like a 206, which is still suspicious, but at least they can sort of buy that.

So the others just sort of barely tap it to get believable scores, but even so, they’re still higher than what the officials would have expected.

This is especially shocking to Videl, who hasn’t met the Z-Fighters yet.

So then it’s finally time for Vegeta’s turn. As it turns out, this marks the start of an epic battle, one of my all-time favorites. You don’t see a lot of talk about this one, but Vegeta vs. Punch Machine is a real classic. Over the course of the next six episodes we’ll--

Uh...

...

PUNCH MACHINE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Videl is stunned. Punch Machine was her godfather, but now it’s just a bunch of scrap metal. And that red cushiony part on the front.

Look at this heartless bastard. He killed Punch Machine and he doesn’t even care. It had one more day till retirement. I... I can’t go on anymore.

Yeah, that’s the Great Saiyaman Saga. Not so great, actually. They should call him Stand-Around-And-Let-Punch-Machine-Get-Murdered Saiyaman, because that’s what actually happened. I guess “justice” is only for humans and cat people now. Way to drop the ball, Saiyaman.

#dragon ball #2019dbliveblog #great saiyaman saga #goku #gohan #goten #trunks #vegeta #piccolo #krillin #android 18 #videl #mr satan #sharpner #jonathan joestar #punch machine #rest in punches old friend #😢

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dweemeister · 7 years

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Mr. & Mrs. ‘55 (1955, India)

Guru Dutt’s Pyaasa (1957) and Kaagaz Ke Phool (1959) are cited by international film critics as some of the greatest films of all time, not just some of the best Bollywood (Hindi-language Indian cinema) has to offer. But to be forthcoming about my expertise, I admit ignorance about those two dramas, as my knowledge of Indian cinema remains a weakness. Non-English language movies hailed as international classics tend to be dramas, not comedies. Yet both require the same amount of cultural and historical context to understand, so what are these critics and historians doing? I will leave answers to that question to you, the reader; for now, here is a delightful screwball comedy and lighthearted social satire from Dutt, building and improving upon the flirtatious humor found in Baaz (1953; hey, I’ve seen that one!).

Anita Verma (Madhubala) is a young woman who takes every opportunity to leave her aunt Seeta Devi’s (Lalita Pawar) house when her crush, tennis player Ramesh (Al Nasir), is playing a tournament. Ramesh is more interested in the upcoming Wimbledon Championships than Anita, and brushes her off. Seeta, rolling her eyes towards her niece’s tennis star worship, is a hardline, self-described feminist who simply hates men – I am certain misandry is incompatible with feminism, but feel free to correct me – and attempts to impress upon her niece her sociopolitical ideals. But struggling cartoonist Preetam (Dutt) incidentally meets Anita, falls instantly in love with her (she could care less about him at first), and will eventually wreck Seeta’s best-laid plans. But before that happens, Seeta is looking for a man to marry Anita as Anita’s father’s will stipulates that she must marry within a month of turning twenty-one years old in order to inherit his fortune.

Also featuring in Mr. & Mrs. ‘55 are Johnny (Johnny Walker, a Dutt regular) and his girlfriend from his office, Julie (Yasmin).

To call Mr. & Mrs. ’55 a feminist film is a stretch that no one should be attempting. One hopes that the “feminism” (again, more misandrist than anything else) found in Mr. & Mrs. ‘55 is satirical, and not what screenwriter Abrar Alvi and Dutt actually believe to be feminism. As Anita’s auntie, Seeta is mistrustful of any men of any status, is suspicious of her niece’s activities outside of the house, and, ultimately, is scornful of a woman’s life choices if those choices do not adhere to the concept of feminism that Seeta herself has subscribed to. Though Seeta’s depiction cannot be described as damning, the character is confrontational, condescending, and manipulative not only to men, but later to Anita in wanting to secure even a fraction of her deceased brother’s fortune for herself.

Adding to the film’s questionable writing is a scene where Anita meets Preetam’s sister-in-law (Kumkum) about ninety minutes into the film – this encounter will eventually convince Anita that traditional married life is honorable, worthwhile. The sister-in-law, residing in the countryside, extols the sources of happiness in her life: tending to the homestead, the time spent with her children, and the company of her husband. She also adds that being on the receiving end of her husband’s beatings is just an aspect of their time together, and that she does not mind at all. This line comes from almost nothing and will be received as outdated. I profess not to know about gendered norms in India during the 1950s, but even then, such dialogue should have provoked some ire from audiences. Anita has a change of heart, and becomes more open to loving Preetam. This character development arrives too rapidly, sending another conflicting message about gendered roles that could have been prevented. This is reckless writing.

Yet if one can forgive these storytelling indiscretions, the two central performances are outstanding. Beginning with Guru Dutt, he brings an intensity – not in regards to sexuality or loquaciousness, but to how he commits just enough emotion for each comical or dramatic scene he appears in – to his performance that makes it difficult to look away from. Always charming and combining a social cynicism with his character’s artistic passions, Dutt, like in Baaz, is a well-rounded, excellent romantic lead who can laugh at his own travails. He might not be the handsomest, the fittest, or the most confident-looking fellow who ever graced a Bollywood film, but his acting discipline renders all of that irrelevant. But as Anita, Madhubala is given the most to do here as her character undergoes the most change from the film’s beginning and end. Anita comes of age here, moving from tennis star fangirl to confused budding feminist (at least, in her auntie’s ideal) to a young woman understanding that happiness is something that is found and understood for oneself, not defined by others, and is not interfering or devaluing the lives of others. Indeed, her happiness is expressed in regressive ways, but the inherent truth of a modest, introverted idea of happiness remains.

Johnny Walker and Yasmin’s characters are not necessary to the plot and their scenes make the movie longer than it should be, but this film would not be as enjoyable without them. As Johnny and Julie, respectively, they supply the film with comic-musical situations that one can’t imagine Preetam or Anita finding themselves in. They serve a worthy purpose, if ultimately tangential to Mr. & Mrs. ’55 at-large.

The strong musical score by composer O.P. Nayyer and lyricist Majrooh Sultanpuri is less vestigial; the songs appearing during almost all of the film’s dramatic highs. Ever broke into song while stalking your athletic crush while they were swimming laps at the pool? Well, “Thandi Hawa Kalli Ghata” (sung by Guru Dutt’s wife, Geeta Dutt – dubbing Madhubala) might be a familiar experience to you, but I doubt you had backup dancers and singers at that moment’s disposal. It is a romp of a song, let down only by the fact that I think somebody needed to teach the extras how to properly dive into a pool (simply leaning and falling into a pool does not count). “Jaane Kahan Mera Jigar Gaya Ji” is for Johnny and Yasmin as they begin their courtship. A few lyrics are repeated a little too often and could use some variation, but this is as fun and flirty as one could ask for. “Udhar Tum Haseen Ho” (Mohammad Rafi dubbing for Guru Dutt) appears once Anita has understood her feelings for Preetam – I mean, what did you expect, that she would fly out to Wimbledon to watch Ramesh? – amid cinematographer V.K. Murthy’s floating camerawork and use of chiaroscuro. A beautiful string line carries the flowing, ¾-time melody. It is a lovers’ waltz – in rhythm, if not in how the two lovers approach and move with the other.

With the music and the acting as convincing as Preetam’s sister-in-law’s talk with Anita, Mr. & Mrs. ‘55 is a pleasure to watch. But this praise comes with some reservation – that Guru Dutt and Abrar Alvi are not interested here in portraying genuine feminists or feminism. Their intentions in how the women are portrayed might be satirical, but this is never clear (perhaps that calls for a more conscious, respectful remake; I certainly think that satire and feminism can clash and coexist in a Bollywood movie). Nevertheless, Mr. & Mrs. ‘55 represents a triumph for most everyone involved (all of whom were to build off their work here and destined for greater films), offering ridiculously watchable entertainment.

My rating: 8/10

^ Based on my personal imdb rating. My interpretation of that ratings system can be found here.

#Mr. and Mrs. 55 #Guru Dutt #Madhubala #Johnny Walker #Bollywood #Lalita Pawar #Yasmin #Abrar Alvi #O. P. Nayyer #Majrooh Sultanpuri #Geeta Dutt #Mohammad Rafi #V.K. Murthy #My Movie Odyssey

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