#hard drive died when I was mid-episode

[secondbeatsongs]

my dude as a bisexual I totally identify w ur Freddie meta. like. down to the crushes on older, goofy woman. and his ending always felt wrong to me and I didn't know why until u said it.

it's just so tragic! he had everything, and then he had nothing, and it breaks my heart

and no, I still haven't seen the iCarly reboot. I just feel a bit weird about it

[theflyindutchwoman]

ive seen people suggesting the team is being targeted as a result of Lucy going undercover. i hope not but im afraid thats what is going to happen anyway. her covers were blown so often. maybe they want to show the consequences uc can have on her family. i just hope that if that's the case the team won't be mad at her. or that chenford won't break up because of that.

Hi Anon,

It's hard to say whether it has any relation to Lucy's past UC operations since we don't know much. What we do know : Aaron is shot, Celina and Bailey are hurt. None of them were in uniform when the attacks happened. And the assailants wear creepy masks so we can't identify who they are. Now if we consider Lucy's past UC antagonists - Salonga's crew, Hajek's crew, the gang or Frank's crew - none of them strike me as the type that put on a show to get their revenge. They seem more likely to just hire a killer or do a drive-by and be done with it. Maybe a little torture first. Maybe target her loved ones if they want to make it hurt another way but in this case, that'd be Tim and Tamara. Not Celina or Bailey (with whom she barely interacts). Unless they couldn't find them or Lucy… But if they could find the others, down to Nolan's house, that seems strange. Don't get me wrong, not saying it's impossible. Just not the most obvious choice to me. Because if there is one person who we know seeks retribution against all of Mid-Wilshire and would put on a show, it's Elijah. Or Monica. Or even the white supremacists they stopped with Noah. The creepy masks kind of reminded me of Rosalind's acolyte but I'm not sure they would want to revisit this storyline. Of course it could also be completely unrelated to any previous episodes, like last year's finale.

As for the team being mad at her if it's related to her… Do I really think that Tim would be upset at her to the point of breaking up with her? The same man who told her she wasn't responsible after what happened to Chris? No, absolutely not. Regardless of what we think of the undercover storyline, the show has made it clear that the whole department, including Tim, is encouraging her to pursue UC. Grey was the one who had to approve her involvement each time. They all know she's just doing her job. Undercover or not. So I can't see any of them being upset at her. Just like none of them were upset at Angela for La Fiera's or Elijah's actions. Or at Wesley's. Or at Nolan's when their Captain died. So why would they suddenly turn around and blame Lucy specifically?

[mlobsters]

supernatural s10e13 halt & catch fire (w. eric charmelo, nicole snyder)

maybe i should rewatch halt and catch fire. i watched it as it aired so it's been a minute. lee pace as a very messy bisexual disaster in the early pc industry through to internet times. and mackenzie davis was amazing. really well done show. i recall the first season was a little too hard on the mad men-esque feel but really got into its own stride in subsequent seasons (it was airing on amc at the end of mad men's run which was mid 2014 and this spn ep aired feb 2015. the phrase itself is an old computing term). anyway!

is the mark making him ogle the college girls too? cmon

DEAN And Trini is? SAM Ah, you have to excuse my partner. When it comes to technology, he’s a little behind. Uh…he just learned how to poke on Facebook. JANET Uh, um, Trini is the nav app we were using. It – It’s like a talking map. You’re Gen X. Right.

well, addressing the age difference of it all LOL. i think of dean/jensen as my age but he is technically 1 (2) years older than me. i'm in the no-man's land of 1980 which is claimed by neither gen x or millenial or both, depending who you ask. not for nothing, we had all this new tech stuff come in when we were young and we're not known to be technically unsavvy :P (though the earlier you get things can be different) but also like. since he and i are kind of on that cusp age of generations, i don't think it would be necessarily super obvious to this girl that he is? dear lord. what will i overthink next

SAM So – so what’s a thing? DEAN You know, the truck thing. You honor the deceased by driving their truck. Sam, they wrote a whole country song about it. Why don’t you Google it?

it's such an old, easy, dumb joke but dean being so smug over telling sam to google something made me laugh

DEAN Alright, so big brother didn’t get along with little brother, was pissed that he was driving his baby. I get it. SAM What are you saying? If you died and I drove your car, you’d kill me? DEAN If you stunk her up with tacquitos, probably.

what do you mean, IF? dean HAS died and you DID drive his car :P

cackling. didn't they have a lamp cord do this in s1 to sam?

spn s1e9 home

SAM So, what? You think we’re dealing with a “Ghost in the Machine”? DEAN Maybe. But if it is the same ghost, I mean, they usually anchor themselves to a place or a thing. How is this one jumping from one machine to the next?

was gonna mention the xfiles episodes (s1e7 ghost in the machine and s5e11 kill switch [the one written by william gibson]), which ghost in the machine i mentioned previously because spn s2e5 had an actor in that episode! and i did i hiky for kill switch when i was rewatching xf. but i'm trying to stop rambling. unsuccessfully 🫠

so this seems more like a kill switch situation vs ghost in the machine (evil building software vs ai on the internet killing people) 🤪

SAM It doesn’t matter. Now I’m going through her deleted files. DEAN You can do that? SAM Yeah. DEAN Hmm. SAM I mean, nothing ever really gets deleted from the Internet. You knew that, right? DEAN Yeah.

implied embarrassing (porn? tumblr poetry? DATING PROFILES?) dean winchester content out there somewhere. thinking about what could even embarrass dean (who currently is eating more sloppily than my kids do)

DELILAH It’s pretty crazy to obsess over someone you’ve never met. DEAN It’s not that crazy. The truth is, I can relate. DELILAH Really? DEAN I have made more mistakes than I can count. Ones that haunt me day and night. DELILAH So… how do you deal? DEAN Whiskey. Denial. I do my best to make things right, whatever that may be. For you, maybe it’s…maybe it’s coming clean. You know, finding a way to ask for forgiveness. But not breaking the bank at your local florist. I mean…real forgiveness. You can’t just bury stuff like this. You got to deal with it.

that old chestnut of opening up to a rando because their plotline mirrors enough the conflict that the boys are going through and they can't talk to anyone else about it

so, dean, my love. is this what you're doing, dealing?

also gonna skip over that whole shaky concept of the wifi business. keep on suspending that disbelief, nic. wireless speakers and wifi on an antenna tower (??), it's all the same. it's just waves in the air, man. i am a leaf on the wind 🍃

DEAN Yeah. Looks like. I think I’m gonna follow his lead, too. SAM What do you mean? DEAN My peace is helping people. Working cases. That’s all I want to do. SAM Is this about the Mark? DEAN I’m done trying to find a cure, Sammy. SAM Dean, Cas is so close. DEAN To what? We don’t even know if there is a cure. So far, we’ve got nothing. We have found nothing at the Men of Letters library. Metatron may or may not know something. And maybe Cas is on to something with Cain. SAM Maybe. Yeah, maybe. Nothing is guaranteed, Dean. So what? We can’t just stop fighting. DEAN Yes, we can. SAM So, this is it? Y-you’re just gonna – you’re just gonna give up. DEAN No. No, I’m not just gonna give up. I appreciate the effort, okay? I do. But the answer is not out there. It’s with me. I need to be the one calling the shots here, okay? I can’t keep waking up every morning with this false hope. I got to know where I stand. Otherwise, I’m gonna lose my freakin’ mind. So I’m gonna fight it til I can’t fight it anymore. And when all is said and done… I’ll go down swinging.

sam and i both getting a little panicked i think (seeing sam start breathing fast surely affects me) but hey they got a few tears out of me, feels like an accomplishment (compared to early seasons i was regularly crying my way through the show). nothing like dean being a realist but also accepting that this thing is going to kill him. i get the false hope thing, and why it's untenable. and maybe that is the best plan, to fully accept in his heart of hearts it's not gonna get fixed. and then when they figure out how to fix it, he can run with it. but it's shades of that old passive self destructive dean who doesn't value his own life (or see how him not valuing his life affects sam)

[steely-eyedmissileman]

The Vampire Diaries, Ep. 1x10

The Turning Point

this is a somewhat boring name for an episode, but it gains some meaning when you do a quick peruse of air dates and learn that this is the last episode before the mid-season break! is what i would say if this were a normal american tv show, but i must instead say that this is the last episode before the first mid-season break because there are two.

we start this episode very excitingly! it's melissa mccill! i love melissa mccill! she's the best character in teen wolf! she has the best track record of episode mvp awards of any character! i wonder how many episodes she'll appear in because i think she's amazing! oh... she's dead.

then, damon makes a quip about trying out for the amazing race. to which i say, 'i would pay good money to see them do the amazing race.' unfortunately, this turn of events seems unlikely. anyway, the brothers are blocked from the amazing race by learning that there's another vampire in town. (which they know because my beloved melissa mccall has been killed.)

damon finds out where fucking newsboy is (by coercing caroline into helping) and then goes to confront him. luckily, he gets shot like ten times by wooden bullets! it was a very cathartic moment for me because i hate damon. i wrote 'hell yeah!' in my notes. with the exclamation point.

after damon and fucking newsboy's confrontation, we learn about the main plot of the episode: career day! this is a classic vampire situation! what's my line from season two of buffy is a wonderful two-parter! i'm so excited!

unfortunately, we are not delving into the true power of career day on a vampire show, but we do get to hear stefan talk about his past, where he's apparently earned many many degrees, in a variety of subjects. elena used to want to be a writer, but since hasn't felt the same since her mom died. to borrow a line from a different (better) vampire show, 'when i look into the future, all i see is you.' (buffy summers to angel, buffy the vampire slayer 2x12 bad eggs)

back at the school, fucking newsboy takes caroline home, proving that she is a vampire magnet. (obviously, he's just trying to get a rise out of her mother.) also, fuck face is back. we spend some time with the mayor for the first time and learn that the mayor is a piece of shit. this means that both fuck face's parents are horrible, and it makes me feel a bit bad for calling him fuck face. not bad enough to stop, obviously. then, it is heavily implied that fuck face is a werewolf. which would make me very excited. and also make me stop calling him fuck face.

then, elena has her best moment yet: 'you don't get to make that decision for me. if you walk away, it's for you, because i know what i want. stefan, i love you.' elena has stepped up to the plate. she's making a decision, finally! she is claiming her agency, sticking to her guns, taking a stand. i have been begging for this since the show began, and it's finally here. of course, the thing she is standing for is her right to date stefan, not literally anything else. but, beggars can't be choosers.

after elena's big moment, she goes into stefan's house with him, and it becomes clear that they are going to have sex. then, there's another what's my line scene! stefan starts to vamp out and turns away. elena pulls him back to her because she's not afraid of his vampire nature and she truly loves him. awwwww

after they have sex, elena finds the picture of katherine that has been sitting on stefan's table the entire time (because he's a creep.) she takes off the necklace (bad move) and runs out of the house to her car. then, she drives away until she runs into a dark figure on a country road and flips the car. then, she hangs there, watching as the figure's bones knit back together and it stands again. that's a vampire. hard cut.

before i'm done with this episode, i have to talk about ht (history teacher [alaric saltzmann]). he kills fucking newsboy, who doesn't recognize him, throwing confusion on my theory from last episode. fucking newsboy has clearly met his sire, who told him about the vampires in the vault. he wouldn't know that katherine's down there unless he heard from a vampire, right? but he didn't recognize ht. i am feeling very confused about this whole thing.

[pynkhues]

Logan needs to be put in the bin but the 'kick anything he loves' thing is driving me insane from a psych perspective. Where's that coming from? Did he feel so abandoned by in childhood/youth that he constantly feels the need to test that people love him unconditionally/wont leave him? Is this Rose's influence again? If its based around the whole Rose thing, is that why he does it so often to Kendall particularly? We need a Rose Roy AMA immediately.

That line from Caroline felt like it kicked me in the chest, anon!! It was awful, but so poignant and really cut to the heart of Logan's abuse. To have that scene so promptly followed by the one with Logan and Kendall was gutting generally, but to have Kendall try and take the out Logan was forcing him to only to have the leash firmly pulled tight again - - it's no wonder 3.08 ended the way it did. Logan wants Kendall to feel punished and unwanted, but he doesn't ever want him gone. I said it in tags I think on the day of the ep, but it's like he wants to lock him out of the house but make sure he stays in the backyard, pawing at the door.

It's awful, but man, if Brian and Jeremy didn't sell it. This show handles abuse so deftly most of the time, but that scene I think is one of the season's if not the series' best.

(This got a little long, so I'm putting it under a cut, haha).

But yes! I'm inclined to think a lot of Logan's feelings around fatherhood and relationships have been shaped by his upbringing. We simultaneously know so much and nothing at all, so it's sort of hard to know the exacts of any of it, but we know Ewan, Logan and Rose were sent to live with their Uncle and his wife in Canada when they were very young because their widowed mother couldn't look after them, and that they never saw her again. We know that Noah ran the print shop that Logan took over and turned into Waystar Royco, and we know that Noah was extremely physically abusive given the scars on Logan's back. We know Rose died, and that Logan blames himself (but, interestingly, that Ewan doesn't blame him), and that he married Connor's mother and had Connor in his mid-twenties, before having the golden trio in his forties, and getting at least full custody of the latter.

We also know, of course, that Connor's mother had some sort of mental illness. I talked about it a bit in this post before the last episode aired, but I'm actually more inclined than ever to think that Logan took full custody of Connor when his mother was institutionalised. Knowing now that he did of the golden trio after his and Caroline's divorce really strengthens that for me (it totally features into that sense of how possessive Logan is of all four of them), and in a lot of ways Caroline inviting Connor to her wedding feels like it bolsters that a bit too. If he'd been living with Caroline and his dad from the time he was fourteen or fifteen, or gosh, maybe even younger, Caroline would likely have enough connection to him to invite him, even if it was just for show.

I'm doubly fascinated by the podcast mention in 3.08 too – a show pitched at looking at the tragedies surrounding the Roy's, and as Comfrey said, it's set to cover Connor's mother, Logan and Rose, the tabloid suicides that Frank mentioned in 3.01 (which I'm also fascinated about) and Andrew, the cater waiter Kendall accidentally killed.

That doesn't tell us a lot, but I think it does tell us whatever happened to Connor's mother and Rose is tragic, and I've made the argument before that I think Rose might have had mental health issues and commit suicide (which I think could've been why Logan ended up with perhaps a similar woman in Connor's mother and married and had a son so young), but again, this is all just speculation.

But yes! More to the point of your ask, haha, I do think Logan's behaviour is tied to his own abuse. Jesse Armstrong talks a lot about how this show is primarily about generational trauma, and a key part of that is the spectre of Logan's unmanaged pain. He's perpetrator, survivor and victim, all rolled into one, and I think a lot of that is manifested in the analogy Caroline used. Logan obviously kept going back to his uncle in a way Ewan didn't – Ewan served in Vietnam after all, while Logan stayed at the print shop – and I wonder how much that compounded this attitude that abuse is a form of love.

How we're trained to receive love is, after all, at the heart of the series too. While it happens throughout, I don't think it's ever been clearer than in Kendall's fixation with Sophie Iwobi in 3.03. She was insulting him in increasingly humiliating ways, and he was convinced she loved him, because that's what Kendall's been brought up to believe love looks like.

For Logan, his first understanding of what family was was in abandonment – a dead father, a mother who sent them away and never saw them again, an older brother who went to war, a dead sister – which makes me inclined to believe that Noah was probably the first person Logan had in his life who stayed. To have that first formative experience of stability intrinsically tied to violence and abuse is a monstrous sort of love that I think Logan probably internalised to survive. How that manifested then with testing everyone he loves to see if they have the strength and the 'love' themselves to stay too – the strength and love Logan had to have for Noah, later immortalised and objectified in the family business – is unspeakably traumatic.

Add to that Logan's ego and temper and neediness and the horrible, deep, broken love he has for his children, and you just get a world on fire.

In that sense, I do think Rose always factors in, but I think she particularly factors in as a part of why Logan's so possessive of them, and is so afraid of losing them. I talked about it a lot in this post (which you might have read already given your ask, haha), but I think Logan's reaction in 2.04 to Kendall being missing after the gunshot and the glass being put up at the end of the ep was so loaded and not a side of him we often see at all. He knew how vulnerable Kendall was, and Logan's coddling of him in those moments of s2 - - I don't know. I do tend to tie them to Logan having experienced something similar with Rose, and having the show mention her in 3.08 as a part of the Roy family tragedies definitely bolsters that argument for me too.

It's such a rich topic to discuss! Logan's awful, but man, I love him as a character. He's so, so compelling.

[thetravelerwrites]

Roji (Fae) SFW

Rating: Teen Relationship: Gender Neutral Reader/Non-Binary Fae Additional Tags: Exophilia, Fae, Monster Lover, Hermit, Non-binary Character Content Warnings: Bipolar Disorder, Manic Depressive, Manic Episode, Possession, Fae Contract, Depression, Anxiety  Words: 3084

A commission for @unrepentantmonsterlover​​! The reader believes themselves to be possessed by a demon, so they become a hermit in the woods as to not hurt anyone. They’re met with an unusual stranger who trades them a tea that quiets the demons in their mind. Please reblog and leave feedback!

The Traveler's Masterlist

The cottage was old and falling apart, but it was better than sleeping in a gutter or the woods. It was close enough to the road that you could go into town if you felt like it, but far enough away that it wasn’t visible from the road. You were less likely to be murdered by a highwayman or mauled by a bear in it, at least. You figured that since it was in such a state of disrepair that it didn’t belong to anyone and no one would mind if you lived in it.

You started the process of fixing it, though it was difficult with your… condition. Often, you had trouble controlling your emotions and became angry at nothing and destructive of everything, even though you felt remorseful after the episode was over. The last episode had you destroy the front door of the cottage, which mean you now had to make a new one and it was going to add days of work to your already long list of things to do. But there was nothing for it. You couldn’t help it anyway.

You were possessed by a demon.

It never spoke to you or revealed itself, but it had been with you since you could remember and it compelled you to do things you didn’t want to do, the destruction of the door being an example. It would keep you awake for days, and make you sleep for days. You’d forget to eat, or refuse to eat, or do nothing but eat. It made you tired for no reason, manic for no reason, scream for no reason, and silent for no reason. You couldn’t understand it’s desires, other than to create chaos for you and everyone around you.

Which is why you decided to become a hermit in the first place. The demon had done much to ruin every relationship you’d had with your friends and family, drive away lovers, and make people steer well clear of you, so you made the decision to not involve anyone else.

You had no interest in going into town, but you still had to eat, so you started finding things in the woods you could sell or trade with passersby for food, clothes, and medicine: mushrooms--poisonous and non-poisonous, it wasn’t your business what people did with them--flowers, the seeds of wild fruit and vegetables, bundles of kindling, any small thing you could gather that might earn you some things to keep yourself alive. You set up a table and chair by the roadside so that you could be on your own and not have to go into town.

You only sold on your good days and sequestered yourself on your bad days. You didn’t want anyone to see you when the demon had taken over. It always ended badly for you.

One day, on a bad day when you were sweating and exhausted from a particularly bad episode, there was a knock at your door. Anxious and alarmed, you went to the door and called out, “Who’s there?”

“You may call me Roji,” The voice said, though from the sound of their voice, you couldn’t tell if they were male or female. “Are you alright in there?”

“What do you mean?”

“I heard screaming from the road. Is everything alright?”

You huffed in annoyance. You had indeed been screaming earlier. The demon had made you crush a porcelain dog figurine, a gift from your departed younger sister who’d died shortly before you left, and you’d screamed in rage and grief and self-hatred. You didn’t realize anyone could have heard you out here.

“I’m fine,” You said. “Please leave.”

“Are you the one who sells by the roadside?” They asked. “I had come to trade today.”

“Today is not a good day,” You said, frustrated. Could they not read the situation?

“I won’t be back for some time and I had some shoes and medicine to trade. Are you sure you’d like me to leave?”

That gave you pause. You definitely needed shoes. The ones you had were not built for traversing the forest and were starting to fall apart. You sighed.

“Just a second, please,” You called. Your cottage was, in a word, a complete disaster. You picked up the worst of the mess as quickly as you could, and then unbolted the door.

There stood an androgynous person of indeterminate age. It was strange, it was almost as if they had designed themselves to look unassuming and inconspicuous: they had mid-length brown hair, hazel eyes, a racially ambiguous skin tone, and wore a simple shirt and trousers. They were neither skinny nor overweight, neither tall nor short, neither slim nor wide. There was a burlap sack slung over their shoulder. It all seemed… staged, as if this person was wearing a costume. You immediately felt on edge and leery.

“What can I do for you?” You asked slowly.

“Do you have any carrot seeds? Or toadstools? Oh, also, birchwood.”

“I have some of each, yes,” You replied, standing aside to let them in. The looked around at the state of your cottage with a raised eyebrow, but said nothing. You gathered up the items they requested and held them out to the… person. “Here. You said you had shoes?”

“Ah, yes, here,” Roji said, slipping the burlap sack off his shoulder. He pulled out a pair of decent working shoes that looked almost new.

“Will these things be enough to trade for those?” You asked skeptically. “Those look… expensive.”

“Perhaps they are, but I don’t need them and they’re taking up space in my bag,” They answered off-handedly.

“Where did you find them?”

They quirked an eyebrow. “Do you really care?”

You hummed. “I suppose not. If you’re sure,” You said, and they nodded, handing the shoes to you.

You felt your eyes tear up, and swore silently. You wiped your eyes and tried to get a handle on yourself, but it wasn’t helping. You weren’t even feeling sad, why the hell where you crying?

“Are you alright?” Roji asked, looking at you curiously. It wasn’t necessarily concern they displayed, but an odd, almost morbid interest. “You’re crying. The shoes aren’t all that expensive.”

“It’s nothing, don’t worry about it,” You said, ignoring the tears as they continued to fall. “Is there anything else?”

“Hmm…” They regarded you closely. “Just a moment.”

They reached back into their bag and pulled out a small clay pot.

“Here,” They said, putting it in your hand without asking. “This is tea. It helps with one’s mood. I think you’ll like it.”

“Thanks,” You said, setting it on your table. You didn’t drink tea, but you weren’t going to tell them that. If anything, you could trade it for food. “I’m feeling unwell. Can you please go now?”

“Of course,” They said, bowing. “I wish you well.”

“Sure,” You said, rushing them out of the door. Once they were out, you bolted the door and lay down in your bed, unmoving, letting yourself cry.

“I hate you,” You said quietly as the sun began to set. You needed to start a fire, but at the moment, you simply didn’t care. “I hate you so much. Why are you doing this to me? What did I do to deserve you? Who cursed me with you? Why won’t you just leave me?”

The demon was as silent as ever, and the silence made it worse. You were still crying, but now the reason was obvious. Rather than starting a fire or eating dinner, you simply rolled over and cried yourself to sleep.

The next morning you woke starving, only to realize there was nothing to eat. Plus it was raining outside.

“Fuck,” You said under your breath. All you had was the tea that the stranger left, and you didn’t trust it all that much. You built a fire in the hearth and looked around for a root or something to chew on, but there was none anywhere. That was the problem with bad days; you forgot to do the things you needed to do to keep yourself alive. You hadn’t eaten the day before, or the day before that. Going out in the rain was out of the question, as it was a downpour. That only left one thing: the tea.

You held out until around midday when your stomach wouldn’t take it anymore and finally boiled the water for the tea. Once the water was boiling, you opened the clay jar. It smelled musty and earthy, and not necessarily botanical, but that was fine. You couldn’t stand flowery drinks anyway.

Once it was steeped, you sipped it. It was terribly bitter, and you had nothing to sweeten it, but you kept drinking it anyway, and it eased your hunger pangs. You drank two full cups before you realized there were tiny rocks in it.

What the hell?

Eh, well. Beggars can’t be choosers. You drank a third cup.

It was a full day before you realized something while you were out picking wild onions and carrots: you felt better. You didn’t have the urge to break anything. You didn’t feel tired. You didn’t feel angry. You actually cleaned for once. This was the closest thing to normal you had felt since you were a small child.

It couldn’t have been the starvation; you’d gone hungry before. So… was it the tea? It had to have been. You hated the way it tasted, but it was the only thing that it could have possibly been. You went back to the cottage and set down the food you collected, opening up the clay pot. What was it made up of? What herbs? What was in those rocks? What type of rock? How long would this last? A few days? A week at most? What would happen after then?

You tried hard not to panic, but Roji said they wouldn’t be back for some time. How long was some time? That could be anywhere from a few days to years. You’d have to ration it, make it last as long as possible.

Four days had gone by without an episode and it was bliss. You could sleep. You ate normally. You didn’t destroy anything. Is this how people felt all the time?

A week and a half passed, and you ran out. Well… it had been nice while it lasted.

When you’d had the last drop, there was a knock on your door.

“Who is it?”

“Roji,” The voice answered. You knew that voice!

You threw open the door in shock. There they stood, looking as shady and fake as ever. You didn’t care, though.

“You! You’re here!”

They looked down at themselves and smiled. “It appears I am.”

“Do you have more of that tea?” You asked hopefully.

“As it happens, I do,” They said, reaching for their bag.

“I’ll give you anything you want, please give me as much of that tea as you can,” You pleaded. “Anything that’s mine is yours. If you want this cottage, you can have it, please, I just need that tea. It’s the only thing that has ever helped me.”

Roji straightened up and smiled at you in a way that was not altogether comforting. “Anything?”

You grimaced at their expression. “You’re not inspiring much trust.”

“I don’t want your trust. I want your name.”

Your head rocked back. “My name? I don’t understand.”

“A person’s name is the most valuable thing they possess,” Roji explained.

“Don’t say ‘possess’,” You said with a scowl on your face.

They leaned against the door. “Why? What’s your problem with that word?”

“None of your business,” You snapped. “Do you have the tea or not?”

“Well, now I’m curious,” They said. “Tell me. Maybe I can help.”

“How could you possibly help?” You asked.

They came close, wrapping their arms around your neck, and before you could pull away in alarm, their eyes changed. The while sclera turned black, and the iris looked like it contained galaxies within it. They grinned, and their teeth were sharp and pearlescent.

You stared in shock. “You’re fae.”

“Very astute,” They replied, not releasing you.

“Makes sense now,” You replied, slightly weirded out by their closeness. “You looked as if you were wearing a human costume. Not real.”

“Oh, but I thought my glamour was getting better!” They pouted, finally pulling their arms away. “What’s wrong with it?”

“You just look like you’re wearing a person suit. It’s creepy.”

“Aww,” They said, tsking their tongue. “I’ll have to work on it some more. I don’t go out among people much.” They sat down on your bed and patted the space next to them. “Come, sit. Tell me your tale. What has you so desperate for the tea?”

“It’s none of your business,” You repeated.

“Do you want the tea or what?” They asked, folding their arms. You rolled your eyes and sat down.

“I’m possessed,” You said, folding your hands between your legs. “By a demon, I think. I don’t know what else it could be. It makes me rage and destroy things, and on the other side I’m lifeless and like a shell. I go really hot and really cold at a moment’s notice, and I never know when it’s going to happen. It’s driven off everyone I’ve ever loved and I don’t know why I was cursed like this. I want it to stop more than anything. The tea you gave me was the only thing that has ever stopped it.”

“Have you ever seen this demon? Does it speak to you?”

“No, never, but I’ve had it with me since I was small,” You replied.

“Have you ever seen a spiritualist or a priest?”

“Several. None could help.”

“Well, there may be a reason for that,” They said, bumping your shoulder with theirs. “There’s no demonic aura coming from you. There’s nothing magical or preternatural anywhere near you. Honestly, I think you’re plagued with a sickness of the mind.”

“The mind?” You said. “What do you mean?”

“There’s something in your mind that’s not functioning the way it’s supposed to,” They said, standing and reaching into their sack for another clay pot. “This tea is made from minerals from a spring near my home. You have to treat it with electricity, and large doses are toxic, but small doses calm the mind and ease anguish. When I heard you screaming, I thought you might need some.”

“It definitely helped,” You said slowly. “But if I’ve heard my fae stories correctly, if I give you my name, I basically belong to you. You could do anything with me you wanted.”

“That’s certainly true,” They said, smiling coyly. “Luckily for you, this is all an experiment to me. I don’t want much from you besides results.”

“I’m your test subject, is that it?” You asked them shrewdly.

“Does that bother you?” They asked.

“I guess not, if you’re telling the truth,” You replied slowly.

“Fae are nothing if not honest,” They said. “We may skirt the truth, we may gild the truth, but we’re not allowed to lie, especially when making a contract with someone. Besides, if you agree, I could make you very, very happy.”

“You mean you’ll sorcel me up so I don’t know any better?” You asked dubiously.

“Nonsense,” They said, holding a hand to their chest as if offended. “You’ll be in complete control of your faculties, living your own life, feeling a bit better than before.” They leaned forward and kissed you on the cheek. “There’s no reason this can’t be a partnership, right?”

You eyed them. “I have your name, after all.”

They snorted. “I just said you could call me Roji, I didn’t say that was my name.”

“Trust.”

“Hmm,” They said. “It’s something we can work on. Even still, if you want the tea, I need your name. Nothing else will do. What is your peace of mind worth to you?”

“Everything,” You said without hesitation. “Anything.”

“Does that include your name?”

You sighed heavily. “Yes. It does.”

You spoke your name, and they smiled.

“Excellent. All that’s left now is to seal the contract with a kiss.”

You squinted at them, but you leaned over and kissed them. Pulling back, you looked at them carefully. “What’s that strictly necessary to bind the contract?”

They snickered. “No. Are you upset?”

You snorted. “Not as much as I expected. You’re a good kisser.”

They grinned and kissed you again. “Now make your tea. I want to go berry picking.”

You sniffed a laugh through your nose. “As you wish.”

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My Masterlist

The Exophilia Creator’s Masterlist

[choco-mark]

A Marriage of Inconvenience (Epilogue)

overall pairing: mafia!jeno x mafia!oc

overall genre: angst | smut | fluff

warnings: mentions of violence + death, mentions of drugs + drugging + drugging someone else, mentions of sex

summary: when two mafia gangs decide to end their family feud after decades, your mother decides to give your hand away to marriage of their son, lee jeno. he seemed to hate you from the moment he laid his eyes on you, but could the resolution lead to something much more than a bride and groom?

words: 3k

masterlist

requested by 🤡 anon

1 December

Seven months. That was how long it had been since Jeno had slipped a band onto your finger and kissed you into a marriage that was once so...inconvenient to you. It was funny even thinking back to how the two of you treated each other with so much hostility only a month ago, acting as if a difference of family was so disgusting. It was funny, thinking back to when you tried to kill him with the very nice blades that the Lees polished every other day.

Your back hit the soft mattress and you laid yourself down against the material of the pillow that was now cushioning your head. But your brain didn’t seem to remember the exact moment your hatred for him changed into something else, and even as much as you traveled back into your memories, you never could really find the minute you had looked at him without thinking ‘oh, Lee.’ It made you wonder what changed, but the more you wondered, the more you understood. From all that you had witnessed for the past while, the one thing that hit you the hardest was that: Lee Jeno was just like you. As much as you wouldn’t had dared admit it before, you knew it now; you knew exactly how much the two of you had in common. 

Your entire life you had been raised like bred puppy not to ever trust anyone with your life except for yourself, which often caused you to shun people immediately for the moment you saw this. If it wasn’t in battle, you had never found yourself the kind of person to make friends or casually talk, and when it was, well, you always just did the job that you were told to do. Your personality was an original cold person, the kind of person that wouldn’t want anyone near them that would cause their own emotional attachment. The only exception being family.

You could tell how close Jeno was with his family, and lately having confided in you very minutely about his feeling, how close he was with Donghyuck. It hadn’t occurred to him that his brother had been going through depressive episodes, which had caused him to have outbreaks of different emotions at different times because of the drugs that he had been abused with, not at least until the Lee doctor had diagnosed him in the dungeon that he had been locked up in. And according to him, it had hit him hard. Harder than he had expected himself to be affected by it. His relationship with Taeyong wasn’t necessarily the same, considering he had always had a certain hate for his younger brothers, but Mark? He had said that even if he wasn’t his brother, he would’ve still considered him as one.

You had told him that you—were somewhat similar, though, he didn’t need you to tell him because he had already seen that attachment towards Jisung the entire time that he was recovering. You had always seen it as a weakness, the way that family always was the soft spot in your heart, but the more you talked about it with him, the more you realized it was a strength. Your love for your brother was out of the roof, and he knew that as much as you showed it, and he assured you that it most definitely did not make you weak because you loved.

In the past few days, it had almost felt like you and Jeno had just passed a stage from strangers to friends, from the way you two were actually able to talk and train together. Well, counting out the fact that you had insisted you go to the training room and Jeno had sheepishly told you that his father had specifically asked you not to leave the bedroom for the rest of the month. It ended with you threatening to punch your—father-in-law in the face, and a few very angry knives being thrown at targets.

But Jeno was nice to train with, because he was like you in the fact that your training time was your therapeutic relaxation time. You didn’t want to be disturbed, and neither did he, and that made the perfect pairing. It only lasted till sparring, where you knew he lacked it, and you gave him a few techniques that would help him in the hopeful future. And Jeno, well, he had helped you with your rifle skills.

The two of you were—well—kind of forced to share a room, which allowed for eventful breakfasts and lunches and dinners that would consist of long, unusual, and unnecessary discussions. They were forever ongoing, and they varied from topics such as old comics to your lecture on feminism, but, it allowed for some kind of bonding between the two of you.

Jeno had eventually understood the reason why you were always so defiant against his father, and it did hit him that the Lees were always so discriminatory towards women in their household. He had said with a small voice and a slight smile that ‘one day, when I take over the clan, I’ll abolish the patriarchy.’ But, you both knew that day wouldn’t come for a while, at least, so you had to deal with it for the time being.

You had also learned that Jeno had a very high sex drive. Well, higher than you had expected. You already knew that he really liked taking that cock of his and stuffing you full, but what you didn’t expect was his easy submission. There had been one day where you had taken you chance and sat on his chest, and to your surprise, he had looked up at you with pleading eyes that made you want to sin. And the best part was when he asked for your validation, the constant ‘am I doing good?’ or ‘does that feel good?’ that would make your heart warm up in different ways.

Jeno was sensitive, too, and you hadn’t even noticed it until you woke up one morning to find him crying silently into his hands after hearing the news that one of his sisters were getting married. You were—expecting him to say that someone died, but the fact that his tears were for a happy beginning made you realize how much pent up emotion he had inside of him. You were almost glad to have witnessed him crying for something so...soft.

Jeno was understanding, way more understanding that it made you want to be more accepting of him as well. He had read your mind one night and had snuck you out to visit your home just for few hours, to reunite you with the rest of your family for just the result of your smile in the end. At least, Jeno knew what it felt like being kept away from his family.

You knew he visited Donghyuck everyday, who was now in the hospital wing being treated indefinitely. Though you couldn’t necessarily bring yourself to see the man who had abducted you again without feeling the flashes from before, you knew that it meant a lot to him that he go see him. Even if he didn’t tell you, Mark did, and he always gave you a little toothy smile and told you not to worry about him.

It was on the seventeenth of May when you had woken up with severe cramps and nausea that had caused you to vomit at the break of dawn. It was on that same day that Jeno had insisted that he carry you to the hospital wing with the belief that you were ‘dying from side effects of the oxygen depreciating drug.’ And it was on the same day that the doctor had widened his eyes and told the two of you that, no, you were not dying, but you were pregnant.

The first thing that had come to your mind was: I’m not ready for this. And the truth was that, no, you were one hundred percent not ready to become a mother and bring a child into the world. Jeno had stood there for what felt like an eternity with his jaw dropped until you had given him a slap on the thigh. Well, you shouldn’t had expected yourself to not be pregnant with all that sex and all that non-protection. Yet that was the outcome. But Jeno seemed to have expected it, and the funniest part to you was, he was ten times more excited than you were. Sure, having kids was definitely something you wanted, but having kids when you were nineteen and just married? Not really your cup of tea.

You had finally gotten enough of his anticipating words by the end of the next night, yelling at him with no rationale on the fact that you didn’t even want kids in the first place. That wasn’t completely true, no, but in the heat of the moment, you couldn’t take seeing him so happy about something that he didn’t even see as a burden.

But another thing about Jeno that you had learned was that, he was so selfless. He had sat down with you with his hands grasping yours the entire time as he let you pour your heart out about everything. You ended up crying, almost embarrassingly, but he assured you that it was okay. It was okay to cry when things don’t go the way you wanted.

Jeno was comforting, that was for sure. All he ever did was offer you comfort when you needed it, and gave you everything he could even when you didn’t need it. It was almost like he was sacrificing himself for you, and you didn’t even know why. Not until he told you.

You still remembered the day he did, he had let you sit on his lap in the empty training mats in mid-August, rubbing your thighs softly. You had missed training with him, and that was something he had forbid ever since you had started showing. The least he could do was take you to the scene, and enjoy it with you.

He had pressed his lips down your neck, trailing back up to whisper into your ears words that you truly, never would’ve expected him to say before. You had turned to stare at him for so long, and you had watched the anticipating shine of his eyes as he waited for your response. But, you felt the same way, of course, how could you not?

And everytime since that first time, you would feel like little butterflies in your stomach that would flutter around when he kissed you with those rose lips of his. Kissed you with all the love that he said and gave. And so you had told him back, so quietly, ‘I love you.’

What didn’t strike you was that Lee Jeno was a romantic. A romantic that he would never take credit for. You knew he wouldn’t, but he still woke you up to warm baths and feathered kisses, and he took you outside without his father’s permission to let you view the pretty gardens that were always locked to public view. He kissed you under the covers, and in front of his older brother. He did what he wanted, because he loved you, and he didn’t have to hide it any longer.

Donghyuck had recovered by early September, though having been warned caution by the doctor, Jeno still hadn’t allowed you near him. He had insisted that no, he didn’t have the same liking towards you that he might’ve had before, but he didn’t want to take any chances and put you in danger. You and your unborn child, as well.

But you visited Donghyuck in his room on a crisp afternoon later that month, having avoided Jeno as he had gone on an outing with Mark. It was funny, you thought, seeing him so unflirty and polite from the way that contrasted when he had his episodes before. He had even cried seeing your baby bump, and you could’ve sworn that was the cutest reaction you had gotten from anyone about your child. He was so different, but this was the Donghyuck that Jeno had told you was real, unlike the one that possessed him into taking another name.

Jeno had yelled at you after he came back, having known that you had left that room. And you, well, you yelled back. He had said that you shouldn’t have left. And you had said that he couldn’t stop you. It was heated, and at the end, you had realized: it was your first ever fight. And it was about Donghyuck.

You learned that night that Donghyuck was his half-brother, born from the same father but a different mother. It had been rumored, apparently, that his mother was a Park, at least that was what Jeno had told you. It almost made you laugh, thinking about that, because that man did have qualities that would stick him as a Park. He felt guilt, something apparently, that Lees didn’t feel. Well, it had been just a rumor anyway.

The next day you had awoken to Jeno pulling a bullet out of his arm in the lavish bathroom, and he had to lull you back to sleep with the promise that he was okay. You had learned later that he had gone out on a mission, and had failed to retrieve the said item that was needed, and his father had taken it out on him by shooting a metal ball into his skin. It wasn’t a bullet, per say, and it wasn’t nearly as painful, but it still caused an infection that made you want to barge up to that man and kill him right then and there.

Mark had told you that day that his father always had—unusual punishments when things didn’t go his way, though it seemed more like cruel to you. You hadn’t understood why your husband’s father treated his children as if they weren’t even his children, but a pack of dogs at his bidding to do whatever he wanted with them. It was disgusting.

In mid-October, that was when you realized that Jeno was infatuated with your voice. He had been concentrating on the move of your lips and the sounds falling from them so much that his listening wasn’t even listening, he had just been admiring your voice like it was something beautiful on its own. Even when you had gotten slightly frustrated with him constantly zoning out on your lips, he had just given you that cute eye-smile and kissed you, telling you that you’re gorgeous. That you’re gorgeous, and he loves you.

Jeno was—beautiful in his own sense, with a sense of absolute love and adoration for you that you noticed had grown so unbearable over time that you knew—the two of you couldn’t see a life without each other. You even laughed on that day he told you that, remembering back when the two of you were constantly at each other’s throats for almost zero to no reason. Now? You couldn’t even imagine what your life would’ve been if you weren’t forced to marry him.

Though at the same time, you could. You would’ve been living the same life as you always were, throwing blades and killing for victory. You would’ve been spending time with your younger brother the way you did before, training him and advising him about everything and nothing he needed to know. As much as you had grown to love Jeno, you didn’t think that anything to take over the meaning of Jisung in your life, and it made you tired to think that you couldn’t see him every day as you wished. But Jeno made it happen.

Jeno made—almost everything you wanted—happen. He treated you like a princess, not even, a queen like he sometimes said. He had never wanted to see you upset when you were with him, and if you did, there was always his constant strive to make you smile again. Even if it wasn’t easy. He had snuck Jisung out of the Park mansion on a Saturday night in November, and had woken you up to a brother you hadn’t seen in months.

And over all that time that you had gotten to know and fall for the man that you were formally married to, you had thought back to the day of your wedding and remembered how reluctant you were to marry him. Even back then, you were so weary of how Jeno had managed to make you feel in the time that he had saved you from your abductors, and you didn’t want to feel so weak around a man that had always seemed strong. You didn’t want to let him know that you were already falling for him, because you thought he was so different, but he—really wasn’t.

It had been seven months since you and Jeno had gotten married, and in another two months, you would be welcoming your baby daughter into the world. You had never imagined your life to take such a huge turn when you had entered the Lee palace all that time ago, with only the determination to find the people that had taken their liking for you, but...it had. Jeno hadn’t imagined it either, most definitely not when he found out he was marrying a Park, but he knew that his past self would scold him now if he knew that he was in love with a Park—and married to one too.

But that was where life had taken you, and you could only really hope for a increasingly better future. Both for you, and your husband. It might’ve been forbidden at first, maybe even so inconvenient, but you weren’t about to let it stop you. You would continue to throw knives at a flimsy dart, and you would continue to spar like the high ranked fighter you were. The two of you had made it work, with the best interest in mind as you started, and it had ended up with emotions much stronger than that.

Maybe, just maybe, life wasn’t such a burden all the time.

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i hope that cleared some things up!! and once again, thank you soo much for supporting my first real series on this blog. i hope you guys enjoyed the outcome of the story, and i gotta say that it took some twists that even i didn’t expect (haha), but here we are at the end! thank you!! ♡

[holyjareau]

imo, the show was often unilaterally focused on Piper, but only on what she could do for others (Piper the wife and Piper the mother) rather than who she was as a person. Piper's individual characterization was lost sometime around s5 as soon as she got pregnant, and being a mother and wife pretty much became her sole defining characteristic for the rest of the series. I would be very interested to hear what you define as Piper's mental issues/trauma, bc as you say it doesn't get said enough

this has been in my inbox forever and i’m just getting around to it so my apologies.

but okay. so. yes. i think a lot of tv shows fall into this weird place where like. all of their characters begin with these kinda vague personalities because you’re just getting to know them. and as the show goes on, you pick up more pieces and stuff . and that’s great. that’s interesting and entertaining and it takes you on a journey and all. but often what happens is many shows fall into this pit where writers either get lazy, they change, or whatever, and the actors are tired of playing the part or whatever . and like. the characters become like. caricatures of themselves. and it just gets exhausting to watch because they’re not like. real people anymore.

Piper's individual characterization

so now for the charmed thing. so from the beginning. i have loved piper. like she’s the middle sister, overlooked, quiet, reserved, pessimistic but also realistic, gentle, thoughtful, all that. we see right away that she loves to cook .. she’s so happy her family is back together. she kept in touch with phoebe behind prue’s back. but she’s loyal to the both of them. her first idea was to have a reunion dinner when phoebe came home. she’s literally so cute n she deserves a hug. but no like. as we go on, we see that she wants to be good, she wants a stable life with no more loss, she Loves Love !! like. she wants to just be happy , open her own restaurant n just cook. she’s also so shy .. definitely panicky and anxious. and she doesn’t trust herself. she’s skeptical of everything, and she’s very thoughtful when it comes to big situations. even in the early days with leo and into season 2, she mentioned a few things about like “i’ve been thinking a lot about this...” and you can see she’s good at communicating with people. she’s also got these other dimensions to her like . she is interested in lots of cuisine types, she loves to read (and is a camus fan !!) , she drives a jeep (which i wanna know how she got bc i have questions), when she found out she was a witch her first thought was just . i need to go and see if i am still a good person . and she went to church. prue was surprised to learn that piper enjoys knitting. in the early seasons (especially mid-late season 3) we saw her with her plants and all. she’s just this natural peacekeeper. but like. we literally got a crying scene in the second episode because she was so conflicted about this. and she’s such a deep and complex character that i fell in love with so fast . and like . literally my favourite fictional character to exist . genuinely holly breathed so much life into piper . anyway . so. here’s the thing.

being a mother and wife pretty much became her sole defining characteristic for the rest of the series

like. piper was who i described above. and like . i kinda think . a bit. that like . the writers . especially in s4 . were like . hmm well  . she’s just lost prue, she’s gonna be grieving . and like we need more for her. so. she’s been married to leo for the better part of a year, been with him for like . 3 years. so. let’s maybe consider giving them a kid but not just yet . just Content kinda stuff. so anyway they drop little hints in here and there starting in like . 4x07 i think? which . brain drain really paid the rent . fully just. holly did so well. but like. that ep was just. a neat way of looking into her mind and seeing the horrors of manipulation and gaslighting and everything . and of course holly knocked it out of the park. but at that point, they were kinda like . hmm . kids ? and they started toying with the idea, having piper and leo consider it, talk about it, they had paige and phoebe ask about it , all of that good stuff. as you do. made for some funny tv at some points. and like . i really, really Get It . when piper’s like . ahh the baby wouldn’t be safe around here !!!! like. Girl, Valid . your sister just died and like . you went on forever about how she was The Most Powerful One . The Strongest One . and yet she still died . so she’s like ??? am i next ?? and like obv it doesn’t make sense for her to jump on this train of like . i’m gonna have a kid !!!! so she’s really valid in her thought process there. and like. after having wyatt . i think the writers really . idk. couldn’t do waaay too much with her character anymore because i feel like . to an extent, anything she does will be scrutinized bc i’m not just . saying this . i rlly feel like sometimes piper’s the easiest to hate. like idk why but i loved her. but anyway. if she stays at home with wyatt and doesn’t wanna fight demons n all . then she’s selfish towards her sisters n she’s awful n prue wouldn’t have let her do that !!!! etc . but if she fought demons it’s like . uh sweetie you have a child . really ??? why put yourself in a situation that might have you ending up like patty 2.0 ... bc i could do a Whole post on how patty’s situation messed piper up the most. but anyway.

it’s the way i’m fully rambling so if you’re reading this . i love you . anyway okay . so . i think in a tv show you’ve gotta kinda check boxes. the best tv shows have characters you see yourself in . you relate to them. you hear them and understand their decisions and actions and thoughts. the things they do just makes sense 2 you. so like. with prue, anyone married to their job could relate to her. any oldest sibling could see themselves in her, you know ? she was hard-working, committed, logical, protective. and with phoebe, anyone who couldn’t “settle down” in their early 20s related 2 her, anyone who felt like the outcast of the family, the “screw-up” .. right. makes sense. she was so kind, caring, had-your-back kinda girl. we all love those. paige was like . the new kid, trying to fit in, creative, curious, and definitely a lifelong learner. and then there’s piper who was shy, resistant, really just wanted to be normal. and loved. and i think everyone could kinda identify with at least one of the sisters regardless of where you stood in your own family. so as the show went on, it’s like . they still want you to keep watching and keep being able to identify with them because it’s not like they’re humans with normal lives so they’ve already kinda lowkey got that going against them . so their more “human” and normal lives... we’ve gotta be able to identify with them to be able to invest time. so they had prue always working, having trouble balancing love and work, looking out for her family. we had phoebe kinda living her life, getting her career going, then kinda wanting a family. we had paige learning magic and being super interested and involved and then getting married. and we had piper who had her career pretty early on, got married, and had kids. like. i think the big thing is the marriage and kids. and when you’re a mother . the only mother really in the show, the show lowkey centres around you . like. for starters, the show usually is in the manor, and if you’re a mother, you’re very likely at home, esp with young kids. so i think that alone kinda was like . huh yeah . won’t see piper out waaay too much anymore i guess !!! but no like . there’s That. that’s kinda. the thing that really can’t change with the show . like. piper’s got kids now and a husband and very, very likely . her life will be centred around her home. which. listen she’s wanted that i think - the stability . she’s wanted that forever. and this is the form it came in. but i should stop rambling here and cut to the point .

Piper's mental issues/trauma

disclaimer: i’m not diagnosing her, i’m just speculating based off of my own experiences with mental health

so. okay. very early on. we saw that anxiety. like. yes . she was nervous about like a whole new life experience . or whatever we’re gonna call it when you figure out you’re a witch . but like she was Anxious . like. crying in the attic over being a bad person . needing phoebe to talk her down by telling her she’s such a caring person, she’s always doing things for other people . and then there’s the whole anxiety that comes with. my family’s falling apart because my sisters are fighting so i use really awkward methods of getting out of things . like using humour as a coping mechanism !!! which. gave us some iconic one-liners. but that’s beside the point . anyway. point is. early on, that anxiety was there. there’s an ep in season 1 where she’s literally entering a panic attack in her kitchen and phoebe’s using a menu to cool her down. like. Yikes! and then she’s just. her awkward self around everyone but that’s endearing and is just part of her personality . and i think a lot of the anxiety stemmed from childhood. we heard a few times about how prue and phoebe had boyfriends growing up, were always pretty and popular and all. phoebe was popular, too, just, in the other crowd. but nonetheless, piper faded into the background, doing well in math - well enough to go off and be a banker . and like. she sacrificed a lot for grams. she stayed in san francisco ... we all know the girl had the marks for stanford or something . like. though . still, i think she liked the stability of home and prob would’ve stayed . but in 3x17 she’s all !!! grams !!! the doctor said no caffeine !!! and when grams was taking the pic of them outside and she had an episode , piper was all !!!! shallow breaths !!! like. it was clear piper was the one taking her to the appointments and footing the bill. like. she literally became a banker just bc it had benefits n stuff. like. poor girl really thought . anyway that’s a whole spiral. but no. like she really sacrificed The Most for her family and everyone still thought she was selfish for wanting to move out . when like back then grams was literally ... sick ... and prue was out here moving out and phoebe was nowhere to be found . so. that . definitely would have added to her anxiety about even wanting to do anything for herself because she’ll be perceived as selfish in a heartbeat. even if it’s not Mean . it’s just. she’d never risk it. but there’s the anxiety. there are a few lil things here n there about how she gets nervous n stuff, she represses things (3x07 i think was where phoebe said piper represses her anger n just sucks it up n does whatever) . she literally cancelled her doctor’s appointment Twice . anyway. it still angers me. then in season 7 . patty and victor were like . oh she had night terrors that were so bad we took her to the doctor ! and i just ... honey . baby. she thought she caused the divorce. at 4? 5? she watched victor leave on her 5th birthday, watched a demon attack her, grams, and victor. prue said she didn’t cry at patty’s funeral and i’ll make a safe bet that piper did. and i think growing up without patty was strange for sure. prue had more memories and phoebe had none. and piper had fragments of this person everyone loved . and she was stuck between knowing her and not knowing her. and when patty was sent to her for her wedding day, (as well as in 1x17) . both times when patty hugged them . prue and phoebe hugged her, eyes closed n all. while piper was on the outside, eyes open . looking numb as all hell . and you know. i rlly think she was Giving Them That because phoebe didn’t get her and prue kinda . in a way. lost more of her . if that makes sense ?? and i just. patty really was like . they sent me to You. and 5 seconds later . piper’s like . they sent mom to Us !!! and it’s that idea of sacrifice and never having anything for yourself because she was never just . given anything for herself . everything in her life has been a sacrifice and as a mother, that’s perpetuated. she can assume that role with more of a purpose . like. people won’t really feel sorry for her now as the “forgotten” sister, they won’t try and coddle her or anything. and another thing. control. piper craved stability and control. i think while cooking was something she loved, it also gave her a lot of control . she could control her whole kitchen . even in season 8 .. maybe vaya con leos actually . leo mentioned how much piper craves control. and the control motif makes sense with her powers too. like. piper craved control so much that her powers allowed her to control things down to the atom. so there’s the whole anxiety and needing to control things to ease her anxiety and all. there’s That whole thing.

and then we get to the infamous season 5 fearless spell . ms girl really sat in the attic just writing everything on the wall and it’s the way i screenshotted it and like . zoomed in and tried deciphering it . and like . there’s words like “stop” and i think “sister” is in there a few times, so is “loss” or “lost”. when i watch it next i’ll grab a cap because it’s . disturbing. girl was so scared . literally was writing a spell to get rid of her fears . she also writes Fear . as in. capital F . and like. yeah that’s deep but i do it too like i emphasize words with a capital letter . and like holly marie combs might just have quirky n fun writing but like ... capital F . for Fear. for real . that’s . trauma !!! and she also was having panic attacks at the beginning of season 5. let’s not forget those. which ... we should’ve gotten more of an explanation for . i hope that girl is getting help bc she was Going Through It . and in season 7 when zankou reads her diary . firstly. we Knew this girl kept a diary like . for Sure . she did. and just that little excerpt of when prue died . oops. i’d pay big money to see the rest because again i just think she’s got such a complex mind and like. i’d be so interested to read that. and i think everything re: prue is just Awful for her. like . idk if this is just something quirky i noticed but obv we know prue died in may 2001 . but at the end of 4x03, when piper goes 2 paige’s work 2 bring her muffins !! soft !!! the calendar on one of the desks reads july 2001 ... and i really just. ms girl. i Know they prob just filmed the ep in july but it honestly tracks that she’d be so awfully upset about everything and just . barely able to do anything but cook . for 2 months. like. honey. baby. i wanted 2 just cuddle her bc she was so sad. and like. she tells paige she’s having “good hours” and “not so good hours” . she’s going by the Hour . by the Hour . just. need i say more . i’m so . but no like. if anything like i could see her having like . depression where she’s high-functioning and like just . walking depression i guess ?? like . not even after prue. i think in general. like . she definitely has a melancholic temperament and a type 6 enneagram (the skeptic). that’s For Sure . but i think. just. she’s always just had time to think bc she’s always alone, reading, knitting, cooking, tending to her plants, all that. and i just . think. she has issues. and i think prue knew that. of all people. and i think her knowing that . and then dying. destroyed piper. she lost the last person that was truly a constant in her life . like they shared a roof over their heads forever. and then she was just . gone . and piper was suddenly left to pick up the pieces . and become the oldest sister . and i’m So glad she didn’t fully assume her personality. i’m glad she stayed as piper . just. she’s more cynical and snarky and defensive and cold and that’s okay. she’s hurting. she’s always gonna hurt . and i think it makes her human . she’s pessimistic and sad and has a short fuse at times . but just. again. i love her to bits and i think those issues make her more relatable for me. because while many like to say she became selfish and a negative person and just . awful to be around . i’d say the opposite . i won’t sit and apologize or justify things. also i don’t think piper’s done anything wrong . i just think she’s hurt. she’s been wronged so many times. and she’s .... scared. i think she’s scared . and in season 5 “sympathy for the demon” we learn her true biggest fear is her happiness being stolen away. and like . it’s not that she’s scared she won’t be happy. she’s scared all of the good she’s got will be taken from her . and that’s . terrifying . so . i see why she’s so snarky and bitter and tired and all . she’s terrified of things being taken from her like they have been her whole life. and as i watch the show i really like to just keep that in mind as i get further and further in because yes. she did become a mother and a wife and we saw her arguing with leo a lot and their marriage falling apart and That Whole Era . we saw how it kind of took over her life but i think it happens . i think she even said at one point . i’ve been so many things to so many people, i don’t know who i am anymore . and i think it sums her up perfectly. she doesn’t know who she is because she’s someone to everyone . she’s just. nobody to herself except this scared little girl who just wants Something . Anything . to make sense . some Stability . and her babies, her husband, and her sisters . are all she has for that idea of stability to make sense in her mind. and it was an easy hole to fall into - the Mother - but i think she jumped in. because at the Very Least . nobody could take that title away from her . regardless of how hard they tried .

[mogsk]

So I watched an anime called “Violet Evergarden” recently, the elevator pitch of which is basically “feral girl is taken in by military man, turned into a child soldier, military man dies, but not before telling her ‘I love you’, but she doesn’t know what that means, so after the war she becomes a ghostwriter with the ostensible aim of figuring out what ‘I love you’ means through other people’s expressions of love via letter-writing.

It’s a good little concept, and while I enjoyed it, it’s also stuck in my brain as being profoundly odd from a storytelling perspective.

Like, the initial premise is v strong, Violet’s driving objective is to understand the last thing she heard her father figure, “The Major”, say to her before she blacked out and woke up with no arms. She was a feral orphan child with little grasp of language or expression, and so she is burdened with not understanding what this very important person to her was trying to convey before they parted ways. Good shit.

And it seems to carry this fairly well at first. Each episode varies in how much it advances the central plot, but each boils down to Violet having to learn a lesson about how people express their feelings for each other, how they express love through words, or how they fail to do so, and so slowly she goes from only being able to produce very precise and terse letters which read more like military reports, to being able to swoop in and fix people’s interpersonal problems with the power of a well-dictated love note.

Where it kinda falls apart for me is about halfway through the series, where we see that Violet has more or less grown into her role as protagonist in an anime about the power of letter writing and the meaning of love (-ish). She’s gotten so good she’s tasked with facilitating one half of a romantic correspondence between the nobles of two nations whose relations are still tense after The War (which Violet fought in), and so have decided to arrange a marriage between their noble children -- a 14-year old girl and a 24-year old man.

Now up to that point, the messaging around the central theme felt odd, but it made sense, like, Violet is growing to understand love, and so how the show does this is by giving her a lot of weird and fraught situations around that theme: we have a woman who is in love with a man, but she wants to play hard to get which Violet ruins by writing a letter that just directly states ‘I have no feelings for you, please stop calling on me’. So then she goes to letter-writing school where one of her classmates has an alcoholic brother who she wants to express her love and thanks towards, but doesn’t know how to pierce the barrier of grief surrounding him due to the death of their parents in The War. 

It keeps on like this p consistently, the central question “What is love? What does someone mean when they say ‘I love you’?” is addressed fairly cleanly, but then, once the issue of Violet’s struggle with being able to convey people’s emotions becomes effectively resolved, we kinda start to leave the rails!

Back to the mid-point episode, so, through trying to properly convey this 14yo princess’ feelings, Violet learns what her true feelings are. No, it’s not that she is discontent with being forced to marry a man ten years older than her because, you see, they already secretly met at a royal party when she was, like...10?? And he found her crying and was, like, “Hey kid, you okay?” and that was the first genuine expression of human emotion outside of her dutiful maid she’d ever gotten. You see, what her discontent is is that she knows the man she met, with a heart so simple and pure he feels compelled to comfort a crying child, would never write these letters, and so Violet conspires with the prince’s ghostwriter to allow them to have a more honest correspondence (which is then reprinted in all the newspapers around both countries.)

What got me about this episode is how it, like, throws all these different narrative threads in the air around this central theme of “What is love?” -- the concept of arranged marriage, the idea of confusing appreciating someone’s kindness for having other feelings for them, the MAID who is, like, the princess’ closest friend and confidant, but who has to explain that, once she’s married off, they will have to part ways because she doesn’t serve the princess, she serves the royal family and there’s this great scene where the princess is weeping after she says that and the maid is like “I cannot accept that command, I will continue standing here right by your side” and it’s really intense!

But then...it all gets dropped in the interest of the final note being...yeah sometimes you have to marry a guy in his twenties when you’re just a teenager, but love’s just funny like that ig!

Which sounds ungenerous, and like, I wanted that to be the case, I wanted it to be setting up something, like, “Despite Violet gaining proficiency in letter writing, she still is struggling to understand the more nuanced dimensions of love and so her shortsightedness will come back round to bite her in the ass” (it does not, we even get a montage of all the people she’s helped including the newly married royal couple smiling happily at the camera.) 

We then get more episodes like this, where Violet’s done learning about Love and is now in effect teaching it to others. She does this by...sitting and looking pretty with a guy while they wait for a comet to go by, imitating a playwright’s dead daughter so he can be inspired to finish his play, and...writing a bunch of letters on behalf of a mother dying from anime mom disease, but who wants to be able to speak to her daughter as she grows up through a series of pre-written birthday letters.

And, like, in isolation, it’s all very moving! Each story has a very touching emotional drive to it, but it seems like the question of “What does ‘I love you’ mean?” p much falls to the wayside, even after we get the big 3/4s of the way through reveal that the Major is dead and Violet didn’t know! So we’re treated to flashbacks of their relationship, including the moment where he repeats that damning phrase!

But then we really don’t pick it back up again? It kinda superficially grows in relevance as we approach the conclusion, but it’s never again properly addressed until after a sudden spat of military drama breaks out with people trying to reignite The War and Violet suddenly having to put down her typewriter and pick up her combat knife, but now, for some reason, she refuses to kill people because...she isn’t just a tool?

And I think this is what ultimately frustrated me, is that those are two great themes “Discovering what it means to love” and “Can a person conditioned to fulfill a specific purpose ever be free to choose their own path?” but the problem is, the series really has centered itself on the former while kinda sorta implying the latter, but in the final scenes, we are suddenly given a resolution to the latter (which is basically Metal Gear Solid, “You are not your DNA”, “Just live Snake” that’s been done beautifully and with more thought already by, well, Metal Gear Solid) whereas the former, what was the entire driving force behind Violet’s character development is kinda sorta hand-waved off as “What is love? I still don’t think I know, but maybe that’s just how it is!” which is fucked up coming from someone who by the midway point is basically counselling or facilitating love between people!

So, like, I enjoyed it a lot, there were some great moments and the supporting cast, while mostly one-dimensional save for Violet herself, made for at least nice scenery, but I’m just so blown away by how they seemed to manage to forget (or ceased wanting) to tell the story they laid out in the beginning in favor of some p uniform military drama that suffered precisely because most of the series was dedicated to developing the central theme that it ultimately seemed to abandon, or perhaps came across as being burdened with having to carry into the conclusion.

Also it was super fixated on dads, like, The Major is basically Violet’s dad, his best buddy who goes on to hire Violet as a ghostwriter has a big reveal in the end that he’s been writing letters to his hypothetical future child, the sad dad playwright with the dead daughter -- I dunno what to do with all this besides the usual base level of suspicion I have for all dead-heavy content, but yeah!

There’s two movies, a side story from mid-way through the series and a sequel, and I feel like I almost have to watch them at some point, just so I can tie a neater bow on how I experienced this whole story, but yeah, Violet Evergarden, come for the cool metal typing hands, stay for the heartfelt explorations of what it means to love people, shift nervously in your seat when dads suddenly become involved!

[collectsfallenstars]

Azaleas for Lt. Jeong Taeeul: A close reading of Kim Sowol’s poetry in “The King: Eternal Monarch”

Korean Literature is divided into the Classical Period and the Modern Period. Literature under the Classical Period is heavily influenced by Confucianism, Buddhism, and to some extent, Taoism.  The earliest form of literature came about in the 8th Century during the Shilla Kingdom.

The break-off point between Classical and Modern Literature is found in the Choson Dynasty which lasted from 1392 to 1910.  Modern Korean Literature flourished when the Chinese writing script took a backseat to Hangul, the Korean alphabet.  It was developed by King Sejong, or Sejong the Great, who ruled between 1418 – 1450.  If you watched the first episode of The King: Eternal Monarch, that huge statue of a seated king in the middle of Gwanghwamun Square where Lee Minho hugged Kim Goeun without any warning? That’s King Sejong.  Thanks to him, Korean language and Korean literature flourished.

Now, during the Choson Dynasty, two kinds of poetic forms came about— Shijo and Kasa and some of the most common subject matters from these poetic forms can be found in the Kim Sowol poems that were used in the kdrama, “The King: Eternal Monarch.”  These are the themes of nature, grief, and the loneliness of traveling.  However, when used against the backdrop of the drama, the poems, written during Kim Sowol’s lifetime between 1902-1934, take on a new life.

Let’s take a look at the poet’s life first and see how it informs our understanding of some of his poems.  He was born in 1902 in an area that now belongs to North Korea.  He suffered from a troubled childhood with a father who was mentally ill and beaten up by Japanese construction workers and therefore was unable to provide for his family.  Kim Sowol was then raised and supported by his grandfather and his aunt.  It has been said that it was his aunt who sang folk songs to him and told him traditional stories during his childhood and that it was this that stirred his love and talent for poetry.

But aside from poetry, he also loved a woman named O-sun.  However, during their time, love rarely played a role in marriages and they were soon married off to different people.  O-san then committed suicide at a very young age and losing her led to the first and last poetry collection that Kim Sowol ever published— “Azaleas.”  His poetry carried the quality and rhythm that could be found in old Korean folk songs, possibly the ones his aunt had sung to him when he was a child.   However, Kim Sowol found it hard to find his place in the world with just his poetry but without O-san.  He committed suicide in 1934 at 32 years old.  He remains, to this day, the most beloved Korean poet.

INVOCATION OF THE DEAD Kim Sowol

O shattered name!
 O name parted from me in mid-air! O name without owner! O name I’ll call until I die!

The words left in my heart,
 In the end, I wasn’t able to utter all. O you whom I loved! O you whom I loved!

The red sun is hanging from the western summit. The herd of deer also cry sadly.
 Atop the mountain that has fallen off to the side, I call your name.

I call your name til I can’t bear the grief of it. I call your name til I can’t bear the grief of it. The sound of my call sweeps forward but sky and earth are too far apart.

Though I turn to stone standing here O name I’ll call until I die!
 O you whom I loved!
 O you whom I loved!

This poem is largely different from the rest of the collection because it is loud in its grief while the rest in the collection are like “Azaleas,” quiet, subdued and dignified in their sadness.  In this one, the persona calls out to the beloved directly with lines that begin with an expulsion of breath and grief in “O,” and punctuated with exclamation points.  But even in this intensity, the persona still can’t call out the beloved’s name.

There are several reasons for this.  It pains the persona to even say the beloved’s name.  Or it could be that the beloved’s name is as lost to the persona as the beloved is.  Or it could be a staunch denial of the beloved’s departure.  I’m going to go with the last one.    

This poem is closely linked to the Korean pre-funeral custom called the Chohon, which involves calling out the name of the dead 3 times by the Sangju, the chief mourner who is usually the closest family member of the deceased. They go to the roof of their house, face north, and wave the deceased traditional shirt or blouse in the wind.

This stems from the Confucian belief that the human being is made up of the Hon (ethereal soul) and the Baek (corporeal soul) and the union of both is what keeps humans alive while their separation means death.  The Chohon is then performed to keep the Hon from leaving the world because they hold on to the hope that they can bring back the soul to the dead. It is only when this ritual is finished that they can confirm the death of the person and then they can begin with the funeral rites.

Now, in the first stanza, “O name” appears 4 times in 4 different ways that can’t be called a repetition.  The second stanza only contains 2 of the same lines with “O you” in it. The third stanza has one line with “your name” in it while the fourth stanza has only two lines with “your name.”  The fourth stanza contains 3 lines but 1 has “o name” and the 2 have “o you.”  The persona avoids the Chohon, even though the beloved is gone.  By refusing to turn this into a Chohon, the persona evades thinking of the beloved as completely lost.

“O shattered name!” is a reference to the separation of the Hon from the Baek, resulting in the death of the beloved. “O name parted from me in mid-air” speaks of someone being gone too soon, someone who is only in the middle of his or her life. This could also mean that they are gone before the persona could even hold them, like a ball thrown in their direction and disappearing before it can be caught.  “O name without an owner!” is especially painful because even though the name belongs to no one now, it’s still in the memory and on the lips of the persona.

The second stanza has many different translations but the gist of it means that even at this point when the beloved has been lost forever, without any hope of return, he still can’t bring himself to say the beloved’s name and complete the Chohon.  He refuses to accept her death.  Undoubtedly, this sentiment comes so close to Kim Sowol’s loss of his own beloved, O-sun.

The third stanza speaks of the setting sun and the lament of animals— it is grief found at the end of something.  The top of the mountain replaces the roof of the house the persona should be on top of because they did not belong to a house, to anywhere, really.  They probably belonged to other people too, like KSL and O-sun.  

On the fourth stanza, the persona stands on top of that mountain, calling out the beloved’s name and hoping to bring back their soul, knowing it is impossible. The grief of this practice in futility comes to him in the realization that the sky and the earth are too far apart.  No matter how long he stands there calling out her name, or how loud he can be, she will never hear him, nor return.

But even under the light of his sad epiphany, he remains steadfast in his love for her. He says he will call out her name until he dies, loving her and only her, for the rest of his remaining life and possibly even after death.  It isn’t too far off to think that this may have been exactly what Kim Sowol felt at the death of his beloved.

Now, how does its use within the world of The King: Eternal Monarch add another layer to the poem.  In the third episode, Lee Gon (Lee Minho) stood in the middle of a bamboo forest arguing with Jeong Taeeul (Kim Goeun) about his name.  He’s trying to convince her that a parallel world exists alongside modern day Korea and in that parallel world, Korea is spelled with a letter C and operates as a Parliamentary Monarchy.  He is also trying to convince her that he is the king there.  Jeong Taeeul, being a police officer, insists on asking for his identification, his name, and he refuses to give it because there is a rule in Corea that no one is allowed to use the king’s name.  At this, JTE makes fun of him and asks him if he is Kim Sowol, quoting the second stanza of “Invocation of the Dead” to him.

Spoiler alert, they eventually fall in love.  But this moment leads LG to a bookstore in search for Kim Sowol’s one and only poetry collection, “Azaleas.”  He finds it and opens it to the poem that JTE quoted to him.  In the background, we hear Lady Noh, whom he eventually gifts the book to, reciting the poem. It switches to LG’s voice at the last line, indicating that he had read the poem as well.  On screen, the frame is split between JTE and LG, directing the viewer to relate the poem to the pair of lovers.

The poem then acts as, of course, a foreshadowing of the events to come. Spoiler alert, no one died. So obviously, the poem does not act in its original capacity as some form of elegy for the dead.  What it does do is drive home the point that LG and JTE are going to have a love that will be threatened by separation.  Love between two people from parallel worlds with a ticking time bomb for a gate between them will not be easy.  It will also be painful, should the separation be permanent.

Now, if one were to ask you, if you knew how painful this love was going to turn out to be, would you still have allowed yourself to fall in love?

LG’s answer will be a quick yes. He’s been in love with JTE for most of his life, and has literally held on to her name, by her ID, since he was 8 years old.  JTE, on the other hand, took longer to gain access to, and use his name.  He gives his name to her on the 5th episode, and she uses it to him on the 6th episode.   She now has his name and will now know what to call out and hold on to, when she loses him in the future. Spoiler alert, she gets him back on the last episode.

So even though they don’t exactly lose each other like the persona and his beloved in “Invocation of the Dead,” or even Kim Sowol and O-sun, who lost their beloved to the sky while they remained on earth, the poem points us to a different kind of physical separation— that of two parallel worlds. While the persona in the poem vowed that he would defy time and space by loving her until his death, and even beyond, in the world within The King: Eternal Monarch, that vow was fulfilled.  They found a love that could defy time and space.

(from Episode 10, The King: Eternal Monarch) *if anyone can help me find the title for this poem, I shall be eternally grateful to you ^_^ ---------------- by Kim Sowol

When the sun goes down over the white rapids, I shall wait by the gate. Between the shadows of the birds singing at dawn, I see the world brightening up In its still calmness. With my eyes fixated on the traveler passing by At the break of dawn, “Is that you?” “Is that you?"

By the tenth episode, LG and JTE have redefined and upped the game for long distance relationships.  Much like the Kasa poems from the Choson Dynasty, the 2nd and 3rd poems used in “The King: Eternal Monarch” have grief and loneliness in travel as their subject matter.  Long distance relationships have it easy now with plenty of choices for communication and travel (except now, with the ongoing pandemic).  But one can only imagine what it was like for a lover to leave during the feudal Choson Dynasty.  There is no assurance of a safe return, nor of an actual return.  The waiting would seem endless without any word, just silence for months or even years.  One can’t just text, “Where u?” every five minutes, or mark oneself safe during a village siege.

LG and JTE had to contend with this aspect in their relationship as both held important positions within their own worlds.  Cellphones bought in one world would not work in the other.  There’s no magic two-way mirror, faces in fireplaces for a Fire-call in the Floo Network or even owls, crows, or pigeons. Do despite being lovers in the 21st Century, LG and JTE’s temporary separations and the subsequent waiting in between visits feel like those from the Choson Dynasty.

This poem is a prime example of that with a persona who vows to wait for the return her beloved.  She positions herself by the gate by sundown and stays there until dawn.   She stays in the shadows of the birds who see the dawn before she does.  This image is especially powerful in its quiet strength and fierce loyalty. The persona vows to wait for her beloved even through the darkness of the night.  No matter how difficult or painful it is to wait, she will.  And even if she doesn’t see the light of the dawn, or the end of this long night, she will still wait. She survives the nights of waiting by holding on to hope, despite the dire circumstance.

And life rewards her with the safe return of her beloved.  It seems only fitting that this poem is read aloud during their brief reunion under a moonlit night in the bamboo forest.  They are a long way from dawn, but hope and strength are there.

Note the way that Kim Goeun, who plays Jeong Taeeul, delivers her lines, “You’re finally here. Did you just get here?” as if they are the same line even though one is a statement and the other is a questions.  Her inflections do not change.  This echoes the last two lines of the poem, “Is that you?/ Is that you?”  The repetition allows for a slight change in emotion— the first is a question, an expression of disbelief, while the second is filled with relief.

(from Episode 12, The King Eternal Monarch) *if anyone can help me find the title for this poem, I shall be eternally grateful to you ^_^ ---------------- by Kim Sowol

What is your reason for doing that? You were sitting alone by the stream The green grass was sprouting And the water was splashing From the spring breeze You promised that even if you go, You won’t be gone forever.

That is what you promised I sit by the stream each day And think about something endlessly

When you promised that even if you go, You won’t be gone forever Were you asking me not to forget you?

This poem plays on memory and remembrance. In the first stanza, the lovers are in the beginning stage of their relationship when everything is like spring—  new, full of hope and potential for growth.  While at this stage, it is easy to make promises like, “Even if I go, I won’t be gone forever.”  It is meant to comfort the one who could be left behind. In the middle of bliss, that promise might sound comforting.

But as the poem progresses to the second and third stanzas, the persona is now alone on the same stream.   No longer in spring nor the middle of bliss, the persona is left only with the vow that her beloved made to her.  And it provides no sense of comfort.  Instead, it makes her realize that the vow had been made as foresight.  Her beloved must have known of his imminent departure and it was the only way he could ask her to wait for him— because every act of remembering him is an act of loving him.  And when there is love, surely there must be hope for a return.

This poem is read by Lady Noh in background while LG and JTE are getting their picture taken— an act of remembrance, of keeping something frozen in time so that one can always remember the moment.  Ironically, this is also the time when the world freezes. This is the side effect of one half of the Manpasikjeok crossing over into the parallel world.  This is the moment that Lee Gon is made even more aware of their impending separation.  The gate between the worlds is beginning to crack and the amount of frozen time keeps increasing with every crossing.  Pretty soon, he will have to choose between righting the wrongs that Lee Lim created and staying with JTE.  He is the King of the Kingdom of Corea— there is no question what his choice will be and he knows it.

He goes through all of these emotions in the hour that JTE and the rest of the world spends frozen in a smile.  JTE is still in spring but LG is already far off into the future.  But when the world unfreezes, LG slaps a smile on his face and has his picture taken with JTE. This is the perfect adaptation of the third and last Kim Sowol poem used in “The King: Eternal Monarch.”

AZALEAS Kim Sowol

When you leave, weary of me,
 without a word I shall gently let you go.

From Mt. Yak
 in Yongbyon
 I shall gather armfuls of azaleas and scatter them on your way.

Step by step
 on the flowers placed before you tread lightly, softly as you go.

When you leave
 weary of me,
 though I die, I'll not let one tear fall.

“Azaleas,” the titular poem of the Kim Sowol poetry collection, is not included in “The King: Eternal Monarch” but I think it is still important to discuss it as it relates greatly to the character of Lt. Jeong Taeeul.

Outside the context of the kdrama, the poem “Azaleas” has a persona who is the embodiment of dignity and strength in the face of utter devastation.  The persona, by saying “When you leave,” shows her awareness of his inevitable departure.  She knows in the future that he will leave her because he will get tired of her.  And yet, she continues to love him.

And when that dreaded by unavoidable day comes when he leaves her, she vows to let him go as gently, and as lovingly as she can.

She promises to decorate his path away from her with flowers from her hometown.  This is seen as an act of blessing.  And although it’s tearing her apart in the inside, she refuses to let him know that him leaving is killing her.  So it’s an even classier way of saying, “To the left, to the left, everything you own in a box to the left, don’t you ever for a second get to thinking you’re irreplaceable.”

Now, while Lee Gon doesn’t get tired of Jeong Taeeul in the drama, he does eventually leave her in order to save both worlds and right all the wrongs his uncle made.  And in the 15th episode, when she finally realized that Lee Gon had made his choice and it did not include her in his world, she actually says the words, “I don’t think I can stay here and endure it alone…I think I’ll die.”  Spoiler alert, she did not die. She does get stabbed though, but she did not die of waiting.

Instead, she found a way to get to him.  Although it was unsuccessful, she did manage to kill Lee Lim of the present while Lee Gon killed Lee Lim in the past.  She’s definitely not the type to spread flowers on the feet of the man who leaves her and then goes to cry quietly in the corner.

But the thing is, the azalea flower is the key to all of this.  Azaleas are wildflowers that can be found in the deepest areas of forests that were previously destroyed due to deforestation or wildfires.  According to “The Plant Book of Korea,” azaleas are known for their endurance and long lifespans.

So when the persona in the poem “Azaleas” spreads the flowers in the path of her beloved, she is reminding him that she will survive his departure.  And when used within the world of “The King: Eternal Monarch,” Lt. Jeong Taeeul is the wild and resilient azalea flower.  She will not stay in her place and simply wait for him to come back.  She tried to find a way to get to him.  And when that did not work, when being strong meant loving him even in his absence and waiting for him even if there was no hope in his return, she still mustered up enough courage and strength to love him and wait for him.  And in the end, her strength and resilience were rewarded with the return of her beloved.

REFERENCES:

“(485) Poet Kim So-Wol.” Koreatimes, 10 Jan. 2008, koreatimes.co.kr/www/news/opinon/2008/01/137_17042.html.

Foundation, CK-12. “12 Foundation.” CK, flexbooks.ck12.org/cbook/ck-12-chemistry-flexbook-2.0/section/2.1/primary/lesson/matter-mass-and-volume-ms-ps.

“In the Midst of Death, Let's Have a Party.” Korea JoongAng Daily, koreajoongangdaily.joins.com/2007/10/28/features/In-the-midst-of-death-lets-have-a-party/2882042.html.

Klaudia Krystyna Writer. “Korean Funerals: Traditions, Customs and What to Expect.” Cake Blog, www.joincake.com/blog/korean-funeral/.

Korean Literature (Character of Korean Literature, Korean Classical Literature, Modern Literature of Korea), www.asianinfo.org/asianinfo/korea/literature.htm.

“The Most Beloved Poet of Korea, Kim So-Wol.” The Yonsei Annals, annals.yonsei.ac.kr/news/articleView.html?idxno=1896.

국립민속박물관 . “Temporary Spirit Tablet.” Encyclopedia of Korean Folk Culture, folkency.nfm.go.kr/en/topic/detail/537.

[touchstarvedsam]

So.... what are your thoughts on spn 11X17 "Red Meat"? 😉

An anon after my own heart! Brace yourselves, it’s a long one, sorry.

Red Meat is my comfort episode. I watch it when I’m feeling down, or when I need an escape. Sometimes I forget that Andrew Dabb is one of the writers because the episode is so brother -- and Sam in general -- positive. It’s definitely one of my favorite episodes, one that I will never get over. It’s one of those episodes that if I see anything about it on my dash, it’s an immediate reblog.

So, let’s recap, highlights mostly, yes?

The episode literally starts out mid-battle, which is cool on its own, but Sam is so incredibly badass. His high kick, and then headbutting the werewolf, just-- GAH. I can never get enough of badass Sam Winchester, okay?

Sam gets shot within two minutes, and if any of you know me, you know that hurt!Sam or Sam whump of any kind is my motherfucking jam. He’s my favorite character, whom I’ve loved for half of my life, and any time he’s in anguish it brings me life. Not because I enjoy seeing him hurt, but because I love when Dean worries about him.

Dean kills the werewolf that shot Sam before Sam even hit the ground, then he was at Sam’s side and digging the bullet out. Dean worrying about Sam literally feels like my life force repleting.

I also love how the scenes are played out of order. I like the aspect of that. Flashing back to Sam telling Dean about the case and Dean being reluctant. Their roles really revered, huh? It used to be Sam saying they should continue with hunting down the big bad and not going on random hunts, now Sam wants to keep on saving people on those random hunts, to keep them busy when they’re stumped on how to beat the current big bad.

In the second cabin, Corbin suggests they keep going “those of us who can” and Dean whirls on him so fast with the “what’d you say?”

Pure, unadulterated, protective big brother. The you suggest we leave my brother, I’ll fucking kill you big brother look. The I know over a hundred ways to kill a man big brother look. The no one fucks with Sammy big brother look.

Dean shoves Corbin, then, ever the selfless man Sam Winchester is, Sam suggests they leave him, get Corbin and Michelle to safety, and then Dean can come back for him. Dean’s reaction, again, is pure big brother and I love it so much. He wants to carry Sammy. My whole heart. T.T

Dean fighting with branches sticking off a tree trunk, angrily hitting the tree, then stopping for a moment to breathe and calm himself because he knows losing it won’t help Sam.

Calming himself down before he gets back to the cabin. T.T

Sam -- dying, short of breath, wheezing -- begs Corbin to go find Dean so they can leave without him. Sam has never once put himself before others, even now when he should because of how hurt he is, and how much blood he is losing, and still he doesn’t. There isn’t a single character in this show more selfless than Sam, and this episode proved that.

Corbin suffocating Sam, and then Dean walking in to find Sam completely lifeless. I cry every fucking time Dean starts shaking Sam. (Not gonna lie, it gives me Simba trying to wake Mufasa vibes, and that hurts really bad, too, man.) Just, the look on Dean’s face. The heartbreak, the tears...

The way he says “Sammy?” broken, shattered.

Dean making the decision to stay and die fight since it’s because of the werewolves that he lost his little brother. This man literally cannot and will not live without his brother. It’s ingrained in his system, engraved on his bones and in his skin, that he never wants to be in a world where Sam is no longer alive. He can’t physically or emotionally endure that pain.

This is the face of a man who has given up, who doesn’t want to live because Sam isn’t, but right here, I think at the very last moment, Dean remembers that Sam would want him to save these people. So he makes his decision.

“I’m gonna come back for you, okay?” He gives Sam this broken, quarter smile, then says, “I promise.” Then the shaky way he repeats “okay” two more times, then pats Sam on the chest and gets up fucking shatters me in a million pieces.

His last look at Sam before leaving him... with the tears! It literally makes me tear up. This whole episode is just chock full of painful pining.

Dean punches a sheriff! I still don’t understand why he didn’t just say “my brother’s body is in a cabin in the middle of the woods and I need to get back to him” but this is Dean, and Winchesters never really do anything the easy way. I do enjoy him angrily punching a sheriff because he wants to get back to Sammy, though. It’s a highlight, okay.

Then! As if this episode didn’t already give us the gift of badass!Sam and hurt!Sam and pining!Dean! It gives us the ultimate proof that Sam is the Juliet to Dean’s Romeo! It’s canon! Canon, I say! Canon! Dean kills himself with pills to talk to Billie -- to make a deal, to sacrifice himself, anything to bring Sam back -- and roundabout the exact same time, Sam wakes up!

Dean: “Tell the doc to bring me back if she can... if not, no hard feelings.” Dean literally does not care if he lives or dies! He just wants Sam! Be still, my heart. The man pines for his little brother, and his little brother alone.

The whole exchange with Billie:

“We need to talk about Sam.”

“What about Sam?”

“I need him back.”

“Back?”

“Stop playing. Look, you got him, I need him, let’s make a deal.”

“Pass.”

Then we have Dean saying that Sam’s the only one that can stop the Darkness. It just. It feels so good to hear Dean say that, okay. Sam being recognized in any light is just very important to me.

“It’s cute, though, you pretending to save Sam for the greater good when we both know you’re doing it for you. You can’t lose him.” That’s it, that’s the whole show.

“I’m asking you... I’m begging you, please. Bring him back... Bring him back and take me instead.” I’m sorry, I can’t hear you over codependent brothers.

Then! Such glorious, such beautiful, such badass hurt!Sam! Gets himself on his feet and takes on not one, but two werewolves! With all the blood he’s lost, and the immense pain he’s in, he literally fights for his life and wins! There is not a more badass character on the planet, and I would give my life to protect that truth as gospel.

He steals their pickup, gets to the Impala, and calls Dean who literally just heard from Billie that Sam wasn’t dead. Also, can I just say that I really do like Billie? She is cool as all fuck.

Sam practically falling out of the truck is one of my favorite things. His legs move like a newborn fawn as he stumbles over towards the Impala, towards safety and Dean.

The unadulterated relief on Dean’s face when he hears Sam’s voice. God, I love these brothers so fucking much. They love each other so fucking much. I can’t believe Dabb wrote an entire Wincest episode, wow. Such a goddamn gift.

Then the panic on Dean’s face once again when he loses signal with Sam. And honestly the way Sam can even see straight and drive himself to the urgent care is phenomenal in and of itself. Is there anything this man cannot do? I think not!

The Sam saves Dean, shooting Corbin before finally giving in to the pain and collapsing. I will forever love the way he falls to the ground, the way his legs just kind of give out and he just hits the floor is amazing to me. I wish I could make gifs because I’d fucking gif the way he falls. It’s both graceless and graceful at the same time, if that makes any sense.

 “I watched the man I love die... there’s no normal after that.” Dean feels her words more than anyone else, apart from Sam. Because he’s seen Sam die multiple times, and even though Sam is alive, Dean’s still not normal, he’s still not fixed. He gets that. He knows that a part of him will always be broken just because he’s watched Sam die, more than once. He’s never, ever going to be over losing Sam, even when Sam’s standing right beside him. Not to make light of the situation, but this made me think of the “Stop telling everyone I'm dead!” “I can still hear his voice” meme.

Dean helping Sam down the stairs with a hand on his back brings me the utmost joy. If I could gif, I’d make a gif of that, too.

Sam asking what Dean did when he thought Sam was dead, and giving him this ridiculously adorable squinty face!:

His little “I know you did something stupid because you’re making jokes” squint. Always sees right through his big brother.

I’m sorry for the lack of Sam caps. This episode was literally gigantic amounts of pining!Dean. He literally just wanted to be with Sam the entire episode, and Dean’s emotional anguish because he lost Sammy is such an important part of the episode. So many brother moments without the brothers being near each other. I will love this episode until the day I die and even then I will carry it with me into the afterlife to play on repeat forever and ever.

Thanks for the ask, anon! And sorry my post is so long. Red Meat is just really fucking important to me.

[chibinoyume]

Okay! So, as much as I want to be in team Happy Ending, I'm just not there (yet). But I wanna be. Therefore, I'm gonna list all the reasons I can think of (and some that I've read from other people browsing through the Blindspot tag), to potentially convince myself and maybe help others along.

There are also many arguments that support the Tragic Ending too, but I am so not touching that right now.

Reasons to believe Jane is alive

Season's narrative

While the whole season Jane has struggled with her role in all of this and was fully willing to take the fall for the team, every time she offered to do so (like when she said to Kurt she'd could turn herself in) or outright did something that put her in harm's way for their benefit (not taking care of her bullet wound because Kurt was her priority, volunteering to confess to Madeline's crimes and go to a blacksite so the team wouldn't), the team and/or Kurt have stopped/saved her. From others, from herself, trying to convince her she does deserve happiness as much as they all do. The theme of team-family has been always strong on this show, quite thickly veiled starting mid season 4, so it would make sense that after all their efforts, they got to be a family, no matter how untraditionally structured it is: with Jane's found family, her husband, her daughter, step daughter and foster kids.

The whole season, a theme was that Jane had nightmares of worst case scenarios and her fears. The deleted 5x01 scene where Kurt got shot by Madeline, Madeline poisoning the entire team at SIOC, Kurt getting zipped and blaming Jane. Maybe the image of her dying after defusing the bomb is something that has plagued her ever since, because she got to live while so many others didn't get to. A lot of the people she hallucinated were dead, after all. Or, she got so close to having a happy ending and it slipped through her fingers, that would be a killer nightmare (pun intended), ending up dead and abandoned. She may not want to ruin a sweet moment with Kurt and her friends by bringing up what is possibly a recurring nightmare for her, but still, the image is poweful enough to have her feeling shaken.

Another theme this season has been the implication that somehow, everything that has gone wrong it's Jane's fault. Her nightmares told her so, Kurt's drug-induced hallucinations told him (and therefore us) so. Every perceived mistake she made as a team leader on the run weighed heavily on her because it just added to the guilt. While certainly she has done wrong things, implying EVERYTHING is her fault seems very overkill. The "chaos follows me therefore I must die so you all can be happy" would be quite a messed up thing to validate, especially for someone who has worked as hard as Jane has to redeem her misdeeds as Remi.

Heart-wrenching as it is, the image of an emptied Time Square with Jane in a bag is a powerful one. I want to believe the writers wanted to have a cinematic parallel to that epic opening in the pilot (as they did with that cute moment where Kurt pretends to introduce himself to Jane in the interrogation room), a contrast between the beginning and the end of a journey... But that they knew it wasn't a fair ending, for any of them, it wasn't what the fans wanted either, so they added this tragic moment as a possibility, to both get their parallel, open up discussions about which ending is real but also get to have the wholesome ending their characters deserve. It's been enough of "do the right thing and die as a consequence" for this season to need to do that also to their main character. I want to believe this is part of what Martin meant when he said the double ending was a "have your cake and eat it too" thing. They crafted an ending that wasn't perfect (Reade is still gone, they still are banned from working in law enforcement, they all went their separate ways because that's how life goes, Jane and Kurt are in Colorado while Patterson & co are traveling the world, etc) but where they could pick up the pieces and move on, find happiness. They still manage to hang out ocasionally, they may still get plagued with the nightmares of the past of what could have been, but they're together and will get through life that way. BUT! They still wanted their parallel (like Gero said in an interview "there was a duality between what we/the show wanted and what we needed") and so they went for it and messed with our brains because they can and because it's a good debate point.

Stuff on the episode

If Jane's happy ending was a hallucination/what if in the seconds she had before she died, she might only have thought about things that were pertinent to herself, or at least things she knew. If she died in Times Square, at that point she didn't know about Rich and Patterson's plan for treasure hunting. She might not have guessed that Tasha would actually say "I love you" to Rich (even if Jane probably knew she did love him).

The last take is of Jane assuring Kurt she's fine (even when she's not completely fine). If this is her version of Heaven, it seems odd to me that she'd need to do that, or that it would work.

Again with Jane at dinner being the last scene, the interrupting scene is the Tragic Times Square one. It's a flash of what could have been, what may very well have been very close to being. Then we may get back to "reality", where she is alive but still haunted. Tasha's baby is still small, so not that much time has passed. It would make sense she'd still be affected.

If Jane is dead, we don’t know what happened to anyone after that. We can only assume Kurt is devastated and the rest of the team... just moves on to do the same as they supposedly were doing with their lives in the Thanksgiving dinner? They could have had a second of a funeral for Jane, maybe everyone mourning her if they wanted to drive that point home more strongly, that THAT was reality.

Leaving the body bag in the middle of emptied Times Square makes absolutely no logical sense, it's just adding to the grief of "not only she died, but she was basically abandoned" and that would tie in with it being a fear-fueled nightmare, because nightmares are like that: extra, evil, playing with the worst fears you have.

Feel free to reply/reblog with your own theories supporting the Jane Is Alive theory ♥ I wanna believeeee.

[maddiethebull]

May I request a scrnario with leviathan with an s/o who's a closet otaku (like she rlly tries hard to hide it from him lmao) and how would he react when he manages to discover her otome/male idol merch (like enstars, tsukiuta or a Idolish7 lololol) hidden in some part of her room/closet

Levi (Obey Me!) - Prompt - Being with a secret otaku MC

Sorry that this took fucking forever, I had my Mid terms which was a ride and a half, but heres the story. I used the power of my own weeb knowledge to write this, hope you love it!! Thank you for making a request

You, Satan, and Asmo were sitting in the living room watching The Real Housewives of Devildom when you all heard an ear shattering seemingly female scream. Asmo jumped like a baby into your arms while Satan, who was off in his own world reading a detective novel since you got so caught up in the show that you weren’t even looking at your Spells notes anymore, looked up and straight to the source. It came from your room. The biggest problem was that you guys had no idea where Lucifer fucked off to so you couldn’t ask him to go check it out. 

Asmo quivered in your arms, saying, “M-MC, go check it out.”

“WHAT? Me? You want me to check it out?” You? The weakest of the bunch??

Satan spoke up, “why don’t we all go check it out, that way we’ll have MC with us to make sure she’s okay and have two demons to protect her.”

Reluctantly, you and Asmo got up to follow Satan’s lead.

-Five hours ago-

Levi was so far ahead of you in Mario Kart : Journey into Devildom ™ that he passed the finish line nearly a minute before you. 

“Hah, normie!!” he said. 

You had been not only defeated, but defeated so badly that you silently declared Mario your arch enemy. You looked to Levi, 

“Hey, that level was really hard, okay?” you said with puppy dog eyes, hoping to avoid his taunts about your gaming abilities. 

“Nahhhh it wasn’t you’re just such a normie that you couldn’t finish it in first place like me.” He said it with a taunting smile and a sly look in those orange eyes. 

You decided to repay his taunts; you stood up and then kneeled, your hand on your heart, 

“Forgive me, your weeb highness.”

You grabbed his hand, you were going to kiss it to really drive the whole weeb highness joke in but he tugged away immediately. He was blushing the color of a fuji apple. He put his wrist over his mouth and avoided eye contact, he was slightly embarrassed from your joke, but it was you grabbing his hand that sent the flush to his cheeks. Of course, he would never admit that to you, so he said, 

“H-hey, you don’t have to make fun of me.”

“You just called me a normie, Levi,” you said, looking up at him with a beaming smile. 

He blushed more, “G-get up MC, it’s w-weird l-looking at you like that.” In a desperate attempt to hide his blushing cheeks, he wasn’t even looking at you now. This is why you loved teasing him back, he would always become so flustered when you teased him back and seeing him blush was the cutest thing you could ever imagine.  No matter how much Levi called you a normie or made fun of you for being bad with the video game controller, you never turned down a chance to give him a taste of his own medicine. He didn’t even know the best part. You were totally an otaku! Just like him – well, maybe not just like him, you left your room much more than him and another tiny detail is that you had gone to the ends of the earth to hide your otaku side from everyone you came into contact with. 

“Hah,” Levi laughed, “when you were being all butthurt about being a normie, you sounded like Suki from My Heartless Father Threw Me Out At Birth But It’s Fine Because He Died and Left Me With A Fortune But My Angry Mother Tried To Kill Me But I Killed Someone, Who Is It? When her heartless father threw-”

“I understand Levi.”

Realizing that maybe the name was a little too forth-giving to the plot, he tried a different reference just so he could see you not understand it. 

“Okay what about this one, you sound like SHEba at the final battle when she gave a speech to the dog-humanoid overlord.”

“Pfft, no I didn’t, she was way more worked up okay. And that was the same day that she found out her father was the villain so that’s two people betraying poor SHEba. Also, what was with the ending, was that a set up for a sequel or something? I think that a sequel would be dragging it on too much just like when ‘Did She Do It?’ came out after ‘Do What I Say! : Should We Have A Courtship?’”

Levi was looking at you, mouth hanging open, “Uhhh MC, you’ve seen ‘Bone Catcher: The Planet of the Dogs’? AND ‘Do What I Say!’????”

“Oh, uh, no, not really, only a little bit of it. Just some snippets because you were talking about it so I watched like five minutes, not really my thing………”

“ASDFGHJKL only this meme can describe how I’m feeling.” It was a deep fried meme written in ancient devildom language over the picture of what seemed to be a demonic pikachu with its mouth open. 

You sigh, “Levi I can’t read that.”

“Hm, maybe a NORMIE (lolololol)  like you shouldn’t read it!”

You laughed, “okay, Levi.” 

To this he smiled, you didn’t know why but he smiled nonetheless. In truth, he was just happy that he could have a conversation with you like this. You were the only person he’d ever met that went to such lengths to hang out with him, I mean Satan sometimes came around to watch dramas and Mammon came around to ask for money, but you didn’t want that. You wanted to hole up with him, hear his voice, see his smile, play the games you weren’t accustomed to. You just wanted to be with him and that was the most profound realization that came upon Levi after you two first began hanging out like this. You were his first best friend and his first romantic interest that wasn’t 2D, so it was a big deal when you came to hang out in his room.

He didn’t want you to leave so he spoke,

“So, wanna play another game so you can lose?”

“Very funny,” you said, giving him a smirk.

“For reals though, I have this new game and it’s a two player.”

You stretched your arms out as you stood up from where you were sitting on the ground, “maybe tomorrow, I have a big test coming up in Spells class and I really need to study for it.”

He looked down to the controller that was still in one of his hands, “oh, okay, just do your normie studying but tomorrow you have to be here to play it with me, like blood oath promise me.”

“I feel like a blood oath is a little too serious for this situation, pinky promise,” you said holding out your pinky.

He couldn’t help but blush at the thought of touching your hand again. 

“Pffft, w-what a lame normie thing to do, l-let’s do a pinky promise t-then.” 

“Okay,” you linked your pinkies together and looked into his eyes that were surrounded by a rose color that crept up to his entire face, “I pinky promise you that I will be here tomorrow so I can be your player two.” 

He blushed even harder, “okay, w-whatever.” And you were on your way out, but just before you opened the door, “oh, by the way, I lost my headphones at R.A.D., can I borrow some earbuds for tonight?”

“Hmph, okay but JUST for tonight, the premiere of Generic Anime Name is gonna be on Devflix tomorrow morning and I can’t miss watching that.”

And with that, you were off to study in your room until Asmo yanked the headphones from your ears,

“Hey MC, guess what show is on?”

“Asmo I’m trying to study,” you put Levi’s headphones in your pocket as to avoid further ear pulling. 

“But it’s ‘The Real Housewives of Devildom!’ Remember how you promised me last week that you would watch the new episode with me?”

“Asmo, not now, I need to study for this test

“MCCCC, you SAID you woulddddd you prommmisssed”

“Ugh fine but only if we bring Satan along to help me study during commercials.”

“Yayyyy!” 

Meanwhile notification beeped on Levi’s D.D.D.,

“As a present we’ll be releasing the premiere of Generic Anime Name a little early for our loving fans

Levi rushed to your room and walked right in, not bothering to knock. It was a good thing you weren’t there because you would’ve punched him in the face if another person had come in while you were studying. He wondered for a second where you had gone, but that wasn’t the issue at hand, he HAD to find his headphones. He rummaged through almost your entire room. ‘Where would they be?’ ‘Maybe she dropped them and kicked them under the bed?’ So, he went looking under your bed and found tons upon tons of anime and otome merch. He saw a body pillow of Gavyn from Mr. Passion: Monarch’s Decision and that’s when he lost all composure and let out a scream. About five minutes of digging through your stacks of posters and T-shirts and yet another body pillow, the door was nearly busted open by you, Asmo, and Satan. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He was hurt, really hurt you could tell because he didn’t even have the strength to call you a normie. He figured you didn’t tell him because you didn’t think he was cool enough or hot enough like Gavyn. Maybe you even didn’t like him at all. 

“Uhhhhh, I’m going to leave now, bye,”Asmo said, sprinting out of the awkward situation and Satan soon followed seeing that there wasn’t some ghost wandering about in your room. 

“Levi-”

“Are we friends?” This caught you off guard, why the hell would he think you weren’t friends? He was your best friend and at the same time your biggest crush. 

“Of course, Levi, we’re friends,” your head hung low, you felt slightly ashamed of hiding this side of you from him. 

“Then why did you hide all of this from me?”

“Because I was scared of how you would react. In the human world, there was a guy I used to really like, he was my only friend at the time, but when I showed him these things, he stopped talking to me; he wouldn’t even look at me in the hallways. I felt so alone. He thought it was weird and childish and- and he said I was creepy. I just-” tears began rolling from your eyes from remembering this and realizing that Levi was nothing like that guy. Levi, even though he didn’t show it much, actually cared about you and he was even into some of the same things you were but you were just too damn scared of something like that happening again.

You choked back your tears, “I just didn’t want to lose you.” 

He stood up and walked over to you, “MC, you don’t need to hide from me… I would never stop talking to you, even if you were into stuff I didn’t like. I just like being around you and having a friend to play video games with and watch anime with and you listen to me talk about Ruri-chan and- and,” his voice shook. Now both of you were crying as he pulled you in for a hug, you were both such softies that you couldn’t help but get worked up over your emotions. Neither of you wanted to lose the other, and Levi didn’t want you to feel like you needed to hide any part of you from him because, after all, you were his player two. 

“Y-you should never leave your player two behind,” he said with his face buried in the crook of your neck. Lucifer gave a passing look in your room when he got back to see that you were alright but saw two emotional weebs crying and hugging instead. 

“MC, Levi, I beg of you, whatever it is that you’re doing, just finish and go to sleep.”

You and Levi separated but instead of going to his room, Levi stayed with you to watch that new anime premiere episode. You shared the headphones even after you nodded off to bed and Levi was just sat next to you, listening to whatever was on his computer while smiling gently at you, studying your features as you lay peacefully asleep. Finally around five in the morning you were both asleep as Levi unconsciously held you close, in his arms, never wanting to let go of his Player Two.

—————————————————————————————————-

[dearmrsawyer]

J A M I L A please i must ask you supernatural asks and NO I WILL NOT limit myself to just one. Please can i ask you! 12. what is your most memorable episode (and obviously WHY) and 26. Best side Character. ALSO free question because i want to PLEASE JUST TELL ME SOMETHING(ANYTHING) YOU LOVE ABOUT SUPERNATURAL PLEASE THANK YOU

LE you’re so indulgent thank you ;__; (edit to say this is so long i am just... well. it was inevitable i suppose, ty for your patience lol)

12. what is your most memorable episode (and why!)

AAH this is hard because obviously there are so so many memorable episodes over 15 years!!!! but i think i‘d like to pull out the season 8 (or as i like to call it, season gr8) finale, Sacrifice. midway through season 8 my brother and i moved into our grandparents place while my parents were separating and i used to sleep in their spare room. they had this old tv in there that pre-dates flatscreens and i lowkey used to loveee watching it. anyway during that period i would use up all my grandparents’ bandwidth downloading new Spn episodes and destroy their internet until it reset at the end of the month LOL, but Spn was one of the few things that really kept me going at that point in time. i think God was like ‘jamila’s having a hard year, let’s make this one of Spn’s best seasons ever’ because truly i cannot explain to you how much i love that season. how much thinking about it pushes everything else out of my heart so i can feel the love for it as fully as possible. i have this extremely vivid memory of sitting on the single bed in that spare room watching the season 8 finale on that little fat tv, and feeling SO much, like feeling so many feelings about everything that was happening in the episode, and forgetting everything else in the world because that episode swallowed me whole, and i remember - i remember SO clearly - the last scene of that episode, when the angels started falling, and being completely awed, like jaw agape, heart pounding, just full of wonder, because that scene was so beautiful and shocking and like, just an unbelievable moment? i just REMEMBER how it felt to watch that episode more clearly than the watching any other moment in the show, it was so powerful to me. i think it was a combination of factors, like the intensity of life at that moment, the build up of this unbelievable season of a show that had carried me through 8 years (including this hard year), the fruition of a storyline focused on Sam, a character i’d loved so much for so long, and a really staggering episode. 

26. best side character?

oh NOOOO howwww how how can i choose. i’m gonna pick 3 because I’M in control! and i’m going to pick these based on the value i believe they added to the show, and to Sam and Dean’s lives. 

1. Bobby. It’s crazy to me that Bobby died literally halfway through the show (mid season 7) and yet he still feels like a core part of the show to me? Like it’s been 7 and a half years lol but i still feel like he’s a foundational block! I love Bobby SO much, for many reasons but most especially because he was really a dad to Sam and Dean. Like no disrespect to John (some disrespect) but he was their DAD. He took so much care of them, talked them down from so many ledges, showed them so much love (even if it was in his own gruff way!), and felt so much pride over who they grew up to be, like i truly think we owe Bobby for who they are. and he really acted as a home base to them for those first 7 seasons! Spn was always supposed to be a road show, 2 brothers driving across country, staying in bizarre hotels, no home base. But Bobby really WAS the home they could come back to anytime. And they needed that so badly. 

2. Mary. How many times can i explain how AMAZING it was to have Mary become a fixture in the show 12 YEARS IN. Like!?!?!?! And the reason i think Mary is such an incredible side character is because for those first 11 years (and all the years pre the show) the memory of Mary shaped Sam and especially Dean in very specific ways. Like she was this phantom known mostly through Dean’s vague, 4yo memories, so insubstantial and so dream-like. And that image of her was so extremely formative for them. And then all of a sudden BAM here she is in the flesh! And she’s not that dream-like figure at all! She’s fully formed and complex and has a lot of issues and neither she nor Sam/Dean know what to do about each other, because they’re all adults! And watching them figure out how to be a family was the most INCREDIBLE thing, watching Mary figure out how to be a mother to 2 adults (missing the opportunity to be a mother to growing boys) and also not being sure she even wanted to be one?? watching Sam get to know a mother he had NO memories of, and knew only by proxy threw Dean’s infant memories, and watching Dean have to reluctantly scratch out that image he’d been carrying around for 35 years and let Mary be her own self, not the self he’d been projecting onto her all this time, was justttttt <333333

3. Jack. I can’t miss out on our collective son ;__; listen listen listen, this idea. to have Sam and Dean spent 12 seasons learning and unlearning all the traumas of their parents, to face every challenge imaginable, and then to round out their story by giving them the one extremely human challenge they’ve not yet faced (being parents) is so... unbelievably beautiful. like to give them this character, who was presumed to be the doom of all creation, and have them end up seeing him as a son, and loving him, and fearing losing him, and wanting to do anything - anything - to save him, to break whatever cosmic rule it took (exactly the same way they’d do anything to save EACH OTHER these past 12 years btw) is JUST!!!!!! IT IS JUST!!!!!!! THE MOST INCREDIBLE STORY!!!!!!!!!! AND the fact that all their doubts and fears about his ‘potential’ for darkness were mirrored within Jack himself, and for him to try to combat that fear by modelling himself after Sam and Dean as much as he could, because HE believed that THEY were his salvation, and if he followed in their footsteps he would only ever be good. LIKE THAT MAKES ME INSAAAAAAAAANE. AND THEN HE BECAME GOD. SAM AND DEAN RAISED GOD. HE DECIDED ON THE KIND OF GOD HE WANTED TO BE BASED ON EVERYTHING HE LEARNED FROM THEM. NEVER COULD THIS SHOW HAVE FOUND A BETTER WAY TO GO OUT IT DRIVES ME CRAZYYYYYYYY

oh my god i’ve been writing this post for over an hour because i have to keep stopping and feeling emotions lol 

special le question: tell you something i love about the show!! 

god okay!!!!! so many things to choose from!!!! let’s try not to be an emotional mess this time lol. something that i love about the show is the fact that it had the time to experiment. the gift of long-running scifi shows is that they have time to find their feet, and then they have time to find their voice, and finding their voice allows them to play. and playing is how you get some of the best moments in television. and my god, did Spn play. episodes like “Changing Channels” where Sam and Dean were sucked into satirical versions of other TV shows like Grey’s Anatomy and CSI Miami. or “Ghostfacers” which was a found footage episode from the pov of a group of awful paranormal investigators, and Sam and Dean were basically the side characters LOL! or “The French Mistake” where Sam and Dean were sucked into a universe where they were actually the actors PLAYING Sam and Dean SJKJKD or “Baby” when they had an entire episode from the CAR’S perspective, or when they’re in a black and white monster movie!!!! something i love about the show is that they had the time to play and they USED it! so well!!!! it’s been 15 years of wonderful stories, i am just so grateful for them all

[lordeasriel]

I really care about your opinion, how do you feel about the bbc show and the way it's going?

I feel like before I give my take, I need to say that I understand the show is its own thing, and while I do wish they did a better job adapting certain things, I understand that sometimes there is a need for radical change or cut, especially when your budget is not super high (which HDM does have a lot of money into it, still is not a super big budget production, so they have to worry about these things). And I do enjoy many things about the show, but my overall vibe is mixed, to be honest. I’m stating this now because people often question whether I like the show or not, becaus I do criticise it a lot, and I simply have a critic view of the things I like, which is why I discuss them a lot and it can be overwhelming.

My main issues with the show are these 3 things: (which I’ll put under the cut because this got a bit longer than I wanted to lmao sorry)

Lack of worldbuilding and loose lore: I’ve been talking about this since day one, and this mostly applies to season 1 because I can’t judge season 2 yet because it’s not fully aired yet, but the show suffers from lack of worldbuilding, especially in Lyra’s world, which is the world that sets everything in motion. I still dislike the fact they introduced Will mid-NL, I don’t think he needed all those episodes to establish something that easily could’ve been done in S2 and because they gave TSK a lot of time, other parts of Lyra’s world suffered considerably, mainly the witches and the Magisterium.

The show doesn’t really expand on those two groups, especially, and I think that’s not good, especially the Magisterium (which they have over simplified by making it one big baddie, or so it seems at least, not to mention that implying a single leader for them practically ruins Marcel Delamare’s arc in TBOD and I’m very mad about that lmao). A lot of the Magisterium plot has that infighting aspect, which creates tension on their side as well as against their enemies, but the show doesn’t really explore that or the nuances of the Church, and they also don’t explore how varied the witches are, and I feel like this is a serious mistake. (The portrayal of the witches is by far my least favourite thing in the show, if I’m being honest).

Dull parallel world (and lack of daemons): this ties a bit with the worldbuilding aspect, but this is mainly about design choices. I think the show doesn’t make Lyra’s world as unique as it should be. On its own the world looks pretty and the outfits of most of the cast are great, but when you realise that Will’s world is intertwined with that, you don’t really feel like these two worlds are vastly different.

There is an odd situation in which Marisa’s fashion feels 30s/40s, but most of the men from her social circle (not fair to compare with the gyptians) just wear plain suits and they look much more modern. And while I get that they went for a timeless vibes, with different eras and styles, Lyra’s world feels like a caricature and it doesn’t feel believable. The colour palette is mostly the same for both worlds (even in s2, it’s hard to tell much of the difference because either the scenes are indoors or at night.) This, paired with the lack of daemons (which has been discussed many times in the fandom) kinda bums me out.

Marisa’s oversimplification: I’m mentioning Marisa, specifically, because she is the one that suffers the most due to this writing issues, but other characters like Lord Asriel, MacPhail, the general collective of the Witches, they all suffer from the writing trying to take away the nuances of them and make them flatter than in the book. Marisa is the worst because without her complexity and her flaws, she simply gets dull and boring and flavourless, and it’s kinda what has been happening in the show in my opinion. All she does is weep and she has no strength that doesn’t rely on a random fit of rage that dies out and she gets upset. There’s some great moments, like when she mimics the Monkey, but most of the time she’s just a shadow of who she is supposed to be.

The show tries really hard to make her a Scorned Mother - right from the get go, they try to makes us see how she wants Lyra, how she struggles with her “bad nature” and how that affects their relationship. There is this lingering implication that Lyra was taken from her against her wishes; they make it seem like being a mother to Lyra is her driving force, the only reason why she seeks power and influence. And that is the opposite of Book! Marisa, who is a force of nature, ruthless and ambitious, with not an ounce of maternal instinct.

She does eventually decide to help Lyra, instead of harming her, but even that action comes from a narcisistic place: Lyra is to her a possession, something that belongs to her, and that she wants to preserve. The show just handles her badly, falling into overused, boring tropes that struck far from the book version.

These are usually my main complaints about the show, and they upset me every episode to the point I’m practically ignoring them now lmao The show does a lot of good things too, making Will less of a prick, restoring Lyra’s personality from the first book into S2 Lyra (so far, please keep it that way), Mary is looking great too. They have mostly a great cast, and they did improve the daemons this season (except uh, there are far less daemons to show because of the other worlds - and the Ruta Skadi daemon change pisses me off tbh).

They do have a lot of interest in the show, but the writing (the main issue to me) feels clunky and childish, with the show toning down most of the themes that make His Dark Materials so special, especially to me (which frankly I expected them to do, but it still stings a bit). They make the Magisterium a single bad entity that feels more Authoritarian-Fascist, than a theocracy (even if they sneak in the religious symbols and rituals and garments, it’s just not a good portrayal, it’s very tame and shy); and they try to justify Marisa’s actions (especially in current interviews, there’s lots of talk about how her background will play in the show to “explain why she is the way she is”). The fact the Magisterium is portrayed as pure evil makes it looks less familiar than it should be, and therefore they don’t look scary, they seem like a caricature, a joke.

A lot of the essence of the characters get lost, and the core message of the story too, like when Iorek and the Gyptians tell Lyra she can be one of them, to support her lack of “proper family”, when that is the opposite of the books message. It doesn’t make sense for them to change that, other than maybe Jack Thorne wanted to because it makes the story feels less hopeless, but it’s why he fails to adapt these character - he doesn’t capture the essence, he tries to write these character with gaps in them.

However, the thing that annoys me the most is how they portray Asriel. It’s just... it’s bad. Really bad, which is a shame cause James is talented as fuck, but he had little time to film for season 1, and then they portrayed him very poorly. That scene when he addresses Roger in episode 7 is ridiculous, Asriel would never behave that way; there was relief in him finding Roger was there too, yes, but not to that extent and not in such a cringe way. Asriel is not deranged or irrational, he is a man on a mission, and Roger was a tool (there is no pleasure in Asriel taking his life and no excuses - it needed to be done and he did it); they just needed him to sound creepy in the show for whatever reason.

I hated how they handled the bridge scene for Asriel, Lyra and Marisa, but that’s long and complicated for me to explain here. In S2, there has been some mentions of him so far, including the implication he might have ruined Cittàgazze himself and I frankly don’t understand where did they get that idea. But the cherry on the top was Thorold telling Marisa that Asriel was gonna kill Lyra and that’s just-- that’s so dumb. That’s genuinely dumb writing, because Thorold knows Lyra followed Asriel to the mountain, and while I do believe Asriel would have killed Lyra if Roger wasn’t there, there is no way Thorold should know or consider that Asriel was gonna hurt Lyra, because Roger was there. In fact, Thorold’s interactions with Asriel in episode 8 already disprove this, so either Thorold was lying in S2 for the sake of, I don’t know, chaos or whatever, or the person who wrote this was a five-star, solid gold, fucking moron.

I’m not gonna mention the lost episode because that was no one’s fault, but the fact that they discarded an episode that all information we have on imply that it was important to set up the backstory of the angels and the city, it’s... concerning. It means they wrote something parallel that should’ve been woven into the season.

The truth is, I still watch the show on Sundays, and I still like some stuff they do (especially Mary’s stuff, so far), and despite me slandering the show per your request anon lol (cause unfortunately my honest opinion is mixed, I just don’t try to overfocus on the negative on Tumblr, I mostly talk about it on discord or private), I do think anyone who has read the books should watch the show.

For me, personally, everything I love about HDM is barely on the show - complex characters, the philosophy, the oppression by religion, the interesting world - and the vibe I get is that they’re adapting a coming-of-age love story, which is the last and - being fully honest - the least important message these books give us, but unfortunately they were set to making a family show from the start, and my expectations were high and unmatched, and a family is what we’re getting: toned down, cute, pretty visuals and soulless (heh, pun intended), philosophically speaking. I expect a certain pattern going into S3, but I always like to hold out hope that they will hire better writers (apparently Jack Thorne already wrote 4 scripts, so there you go lmao), and try to give HDM the adaptation it deserves. The truth is, if you’re a picky, canon reliant person like I am, the show might be a struggle, but if you just like the story for the teen romance, or if you don’t care about overthinking a show/book, then most people can have a good time with it.

[dodger-sister]

Disclaimer: I stopped watching mid S9 & only just came back for this last run of episodes, post-the-Covid-break. So I’m not well versed in the current mythology, though I gather Becky says there will be two endings.  Ever since the end of Despair (s15e18), I’ve had this visual in my head of an ending.  I’m not quite sure how to get there, since again, I’m not up on current mythology.  But I wanted to write this down for myself.  It's not a Dean/Cas romance ending, but a friendship ending, and a good ending for everybody and yeah, kinda Dean heavy, but I know what I'm about, idk. But I just had a visual and for the first time in what feels like 1,000 years, I had something in my head that I had to get out through writing, and once again it's SPN, so like...here’s what I’m picturing:

First of all, Jack defeats Chuck.  But it drains all his power and leaves him powerless & more or less human.  Idk who becomes God then…Amara?  Michael? No one?  But when Chuck is defeated, everyone comes back – all the people Chuck deleted, all the Apocalypse World people, all the people like Eileen who died & came back.  Everyone.  And The Empty, as a gift to the boys for ending this nonsense, spits Castiel back out – (as a writer, I know it was actually a good ending for Cas, his pure happiness, but as a fan I won’t stand for it to end that way).  Then angels & demons are suddenly sucked back up into Heaven & Hell, to put things right.  As this happens, Dean turns wild-eyed to Castiel, thinking he’s being taken…but he doesn’t go.  He stays. And it’s in that moment they realize he is human now, blessed to be part of the humanity he loves now. (From this point on Cas’ outfits consist of button-up shirts with the top 2 buttons undone, black slacks, no tie & no trenchcoat). And then somehow we find out – if Amaara is God or whatever, she gives them the 411 -- that angels & demons are on lockdown and unable to return to Earth.  “At least for a millennium or so.  But that doesn’t mean there aren’t still things that go bump in the night, boys.” (Also, idk enough about what’s up with Adam, but pls insert your own happy ending in here for that boy, he fucking deserves it, the poor kid).

Then, for some reason – idk, maybe when they came back all the people in the world realized something had happened, things don’t just pick right up where they left off, everyone is a little dazed – a bunch of people are at the bunker with the boys, Apoca-World people & stuff.  And there’s kind of this montage, with a score, maybe a folk-rock song, idk, but like people slowly getting their bearings and heading out; the family with the two daughters, bags slung over their shoulders, shaking the boys’ hands in thanks and then heading up the stairs /fade them out to the next scene/ Sam & Eileen sweetly kissing /fade them out to the next scene/ Jody & Donna & the girls hugging the boys goodbye, heading up the stairs /fade them out to the next scene/ Dean setting a burger down in front of Cas, who smiles softly because there are some things he missed about being human /fade them out to the next scene/ Garth saying goodbye to the boys, heading up the stairs /fade them out to the next scene/ Sam & Eileen having amazingly hot sex /fade them out to the next scene/ Jack trying out his powers on a houseplant, nothing happens, he nods, accepting this is permanent /fade them out to the next scene/ Charlie & Stevie, with one of those great Dean-&-Charlie hugs where he cradles her head, omg /fade them out to the next scene/ Sam & Eileen in bed together, facing each other, hands pressed palm to palm, fingers interlocked, gazing loving at each other /fade them out to the last person/ Bobby gets a hug from Sam & then Dean, Cas goes to shake his hand and Bobby gives him a gruff look and then pulls him in for a back-slap hug.  “You boys stay in touch.”  Sam’s all, “Always, Bobby.”

Then all that’s left is the four guys + Eileen.  Sam says to Dean, “I’m gonna take Eileen home, get her settled.  I’ll be back in a few days.”

Dean says, “Or you could stay, you know?”  He looks like it’s hard to say, but he’s also happy for Sam.  “It’s not that far.” (Is it, idk, where does she live?)

Sam’s all, “You mean, like move in with her?  Naw, man, naw.  We aren’t there yet.”

Dean goes, “That’s not how it’s seemed this last week around here,” with a waggle of his eyebrows.

Sam blushes, so soft, a soft baby.  “No, Dean.  I mean…we aren’t there, *yet*.”

“Attaboy,” with a slap on the arm.

Then we get Dean hugging Eileen goodbye, she and Sam head up the stairs, Dean turns to Cas & Jack at the table. Cas stands up awkwardly, says, “I suppose I should consider getting a place of my own.  Humans do that, yes?”

Dean goes, “What? No. Are you kidding me? Sam’s gonna be spending a lot of time – and I mean a *lot* of time /suggestive tone/ with Eileen.  You’re not gonna leave me to clunk around this place on my own.”  Then he pauses, can’t quite meet Cas’ eyes, so not good with emotions that he knows what Cas said before The Empty took him but Dean can’t quite acknowledge it.  “Unless, like, that’s something you need.  For yourself, I mean. To not be here. If you wanna move out…”

Cas, firm and sure, “I do not.”

Dean looks up, a smile of relief on his face, “Well, alright then.”

Then Dean turns to Jack.  “What about you?  You gonna try to bail out on us?”

Jack, confused, says, “No, not at all.”

Dean asks, “Then what’s your plan? One day at a time?”

“Actually,” Jack says, and slides a pamphlet over that’s been sitting with a stack of papers on the table, “I hadn’t had time to give it much thought, but I was thinking this.”

Dean picks it up.  It’s a college pamphlet. “College, huh?  Following in Sam’s footsteps?”

“*Community* college,” Jack emphasis.  “So I could live here &, idk, try it out.  See what I want to do next.  The pamphlet says there are many options ahead of me.”

Dean gives Jack his patented half-smirk/half-smile.  “Alright, we can work with that.  What do you need?” He reaches in his back pocket for his wallet.  “Money for books?  A credit card?” He may have taken a while to get onboard the Jack-train, but he’s there now, proud Uncle Dean.  

“I think I’ll need a birth certificate and a, uh,” he glances at a list he’s been making on a piece of paper, “a social security number?”

Dean nods.  “Okay.  I can take care of that. I know a guy.”

He’s happy with both Cas’ and Jack’s answers.

/fade out to the next scene, scores starts back up, idk maybe we use a rock song here?/

There are a few wide shots of regular people going on about their lives, animals in the fields, people walking the streets, life going on, etc.  Then we start to see all the people we know who are still alive, living their lives…Garth, Charlie & Stevie being happy and domestic, Jody & Donna & the girls, Bobby, other people idk, Jack walking onto campus with a backpack over his shoulder & smiling on his first day of college, Sam and Eileen cooking in her kitchen & cute-kissing & being adorably cute together like so smushy cute.

/fade into  the next scene/ Cas is at the kitchen table researching, Dean walks in and heads to the fridge.

He asks, “You got anything, Cas?”

Cas says, “I think there is a nest of vampires in ***insert place*** and a poltergeist in ***insert place***.  You could probably take care of one and hit the other on your way back.  And for your pleasure, you will pass by ***something like the world’s largest ball of string***.”

Dean grins, thrilled about the cheesy tourist trap idea, “Oh, I’m down with that.  You in?”

Cas gives his doubtful face.  “It’s Jack’s first week of school.”

Dean nods, “Say no more.  I’ll call Sammy.”

/Final scene – music starts, Ramble On by Led Zeppelin/

Dean is standing outside Eileen’s apartment, at the back of the Impala, with the trunk open.  Sam comes out with a duffel, tosses it in the trunk among the other weapons.  We see the classic shot from the trunk POV of the two boys.  Sam smiles, content, ready.  “We got work to do.”  The trunk slams shut.  We see the boys get in the Impala, shut their doors at exactly the same time.  The view is from the back of the car as it revs up and starts off down the road.

Ramble On plays as we watch the Impala drive off until we can no longer see it.

Cut to credit screen that reads – “Carry on, my wayward sons & daughters.  Thank you for 15 years of memories.”  - Love, Eric, Jensen, Jared, Misha and the entire SPN cast & crew.

Boom, bam, credits roll.

(Sorry, I can’t for the life of me figure out a Read More break)