#harley keener incorrect quotes

[incorrectpeterparker]

Harley: Look. I may not be a saint, but it’s not like I’ve killed anybody. I’m not an arsonist. I’ve never found a wallet outside of an IHOP and thought about returning it but saw the owner lived out of state so just took the cash and dropped the wallet back on the ground.

Peter: Okay, that’s really specific, and that makes me think that you definitely did do that.

[teabag-of-mischief]

Harley: I went to Europe and tried to buy some snacks, but they refused to tell me the price, they just kept repeating how old the peanuts were. Also, why would I want to buy two year old peanuts?

Peter: Two euros, Harley. They were two euros.

[headcanonthings]

Tony, texting Harley while in a meeting: Call me in five minutes and say I gotta come get you.

Harley: On a scale of 1 to 10, what kind of emergency is this.

Tony: 10, get me out of here.

Harley: Put me on speaker, I'll even start crying.

[strangeironaf]

*Family group chat*

Tony: who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat?

Peter: >:0 language

Morgan: yeah dad, watch your fucking language

Stephen: OKAY WHO TAUGHT MORGAN THE FUCK WORD

America: 'the fuck word'

Pepper: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time.

Harley: oh my god she censored it

Tony: Say fuck Pepp

Christine: do it Pepper. Say fuck.

[totallyaccurateavengersquotes]

TONY: Stephen and I--

PETER: Are getting married?

STEPHEN: No, we--

HARLEY, PULLING OUT A GIANT BINDER: Sit down. We've planned out the entire thing.

[marvel-lous-guy]

Peter: are you sure this is a good idea?

Harley: trust me.

Friday: protocal 'they're about to almost blow the building up by accident again' has been activated

Peter: that can't be good

Harley: oh come one! That was one time

*sprinklers spray directly at Peter and Harley*

[hearts-4buck]

Marvel + incorrect pictures (mostly young avengers)

[ironstrange-is-the-endgame]

Tony: think about the possibilities, you could stab your enemies with this

Stephen: it isn’t efficient: the heat will immediately close the severed arteries.

Harley: I’m sorry Stephen, but it actually works just fine.

America: and you just witnessed a Gryffindor, a Ravenclaw and a Slytherin having a conversation.

Peter: why use it to cut people when you can have toasts?!

America: and here’s the Hufflepuff

[salty-ironstrange-shipper]

Harley: Doc won’t be able to trace this back to us- Peter: Are you for real? He traces everything back to us! He traces things we haven't even done back to us!

[obsessedwithmarvelbecausewhynot]

[ Someone says something 15/18+ ]

Steve: The children are here.

Kate: I'm twenty-fucking-three.

Wanda: I'm russian.

Tony: Peter is from Queens.

Peter: I've got nothing to say abt that.

Harley: I'm much worse then all of you.

Wade: You're not counting me as a child anymore.

Clint: Why the hell we adopted them?

Kate: *blink blink*

Clint: Oh yeah, nevermind.

Bonus

Sam: I thought the hawk girl is like, twelve.

Bucky: How they all ended up here?

Natasha: Since when there's so many kids?

[incorrectpeterparker]

Peter: How are you gonna carve a gigantic pumpkin?

Harley: The same way I make onion rings.

Harley: *grabs a chainsaw*

[incorrect-assvengers]

Peter: 11 year old me would think current me is insane

Harley: He'd be right

Harley: 11 year old me would call current me a slur

[headcanonthings]

Harley: Tony, can you sign something for school? Tony, shaking his head: If I sign this, you're going to have to learn how to forge my signature. If you sign it from the start, you'll be able to sign whatever you want and they'll never know.

[strangeironaf]

Harley: Small creatures are much more vicious because they have a smaller body to bottle up all their emotions.

Peter: Ridiculous. Give me some examples.

America: Wasps?

Tony: Terriers?

Stephen: Tony.

[funkylittlebidiot]

Harley: please! You HAVE to remember Peter! He’s really annoying and talks too much and his friends are always in our business for some reason- but he’s your son and my brother!

Stephen: it’s okay, Harley, we believe you.

Tony: You really love him, huh?

Harley: yeah! And you guys love him too!

Peter: Most of the time more than him!

[marvel-lous-guy]

Tony: What happened to you two!?

Harley: I dont want to talk about it

Peter: Seriously!? Tell him!

Harley: Fine. I got shot at.

Tony: YOU WHAT!?

Peter: But I was the one who got shot because I took the bullet for him

Harley: OH MY GOD! Shut up! Quit bragging about it already!

Tony: ARE YOU OKAY!?

Peter: Yeah, Harley drove me to the hospital

Harley: and he criticised my driving the entire way!

Peter: YOU ALMOST CRASHED INTO A TRACTOR!

Harley: How was I supposed to know I'd see a tractor in New York!?