#have some pi(e)

[dandelion2302]

Croaky panic + mina

[dutybcrne]

When Diluc gives his heart to someone and genuinely enters a relationship with them, that's it–that's it for him. There will never be any other that could hope to replace them, whether they leave him or they pass on.

[you-hate-time-travel]

So sorry if i don't answer your ask... 👍 raaagh

[orcelito]

tfw ur major sleep deprived but ur here working on a thing for the group project for the class you havent been going to (also you have an exam for that class in a week, lololololol) and ALSO for ur other class (good class, fun class, love this coding class) u have ANOTHER thing for the group project in that class due. Tonight. except no one can meet bc everyone's caught up doing shit for other classes. so we r gonna just have to smack some shit out Vaguely (and by we i mean probably largely me) but i just wanna sleeeeeeep

[devil-in-hiding]

thinking of the boys finding farmer!reader busy baking. flour on her apron and maybe some has found its way in her hair. when they ask her why she's baking she says something like "I realised it's probably been a while since you've had (insert baked good here, maybe apple pie or cookies) so I thought I'd make you some". I think it'd take the boys a lot of restraint to not devour her right there.

P L E A S E

yes yes yes!! they all help out with dinner, rules for staying on the farm, and it makes them happy to do things that lighten the load for you

but for them to walk in to a sweet smelling house, only to find you in the kitchen, flour on your nose and all over you but there’s racks of cookies and a few pies set on the counter to cool

“i thought y’all would like some sweets but i might have gone overboard.”

all four of them would start to figure out what they could possibly turn into a ring (or four) to put on your finger

[geigenklang1]

I did a run with maximum stats from the beginning because I wanted to see all the passive checks, here are some of the rare and interesting things I caught:

After you mark the ligature mark as non-fatal wound, Shivers will confirm that you're right.

Mysterious pair of eyes!

According to Pain Threshold, you were shot at four times before and hit twice.

A heroic level Conceptualization check: ENGAGE CAPS LOCK.

Another cool Shivers check

H/E, PI and Half Light getting a little too excited about attacking The Pigs

(In the moralist quest line) High-level Rhetoric knows some German(or in game, Walder)

This one is actually quite famous, in the dance scene Revachol tells you about her doomed fate. Requires to pass a godly level check of Reaction Speed or Rhetoric or Half Light.

A legendary level Half light check tells you that Klaasje wants to hit you.

I can't believe PI is still saying this even after I internalized the homosexual underground thought.

Glen...?

They're talking about Klaasje. I don't know what to make of this Conceptualization check.

Elechem tells you to drink even in this situation...good thing we have Volition.

Volition sounds so worried in this line.

I can't believe Rhetoric calls me an idiot when he's the one who makes me say stupid things a lot of times🤣

[blondephil]

hello (one of the) resident phannie data analyst(s) here with some parasocial stats on dnp’s movie tastes! following: distribution of dan and phil's ratings overall, movies they each rated 5 stars, their lowest-rated movies, and the similarities + differences in their tastes

(lore moment: yes i am a data analyst in my real job. yes i surprised myself with wanting to do this in my spare time. but then i remembered when we read dracula in college (yes i was an english major) and i graphed like, how many times dracula was referred to as vampire versus monster or something. so i shouldn’t be surprised.

first up, their overall rating patterns and by ~special status~ (i.e., wall-e, kill bill, avatar, lmao, plus big hero 6 for the fun of it)

dan’s rated 304 movies and phil’s rated 305. both of them have mean and median ratings of 4 with min 1 and max 5.

both rated kill bill vols. 1 and 2 a 5. wall-e got a 4.5 from dan and a 4 from phil (phake phans). both gave avatar a 3.5. and big hero 6 3.5 (dan) and 4.5 (phil)

rating distribution:

i did analyses here by genre but i need to fix the output (i’m writing all of these based on the markdown document from my phone on the subway, but i need to fix the outputs and i don’t have my computer. so those are pending but there are other genre analyses that i could do & haven’t yet!)

while i was sorting through the data i got the impression that dan overall rated movies higher than phil. so, among movies that they've both rated, here's some information

number of movies dan rated higher than phil: 65

Empire Strikes Back, Blade Runner, Return of the Jedi, My Neighbor Totoro, Back to the Future II, Nightmare Before Christmas, Toy Story, Phantom Mence, Donnie Darko, Attack of the Clones, Finding Nemo, Oldboy, The Notebook, Batman Begins, Brokeback Mountain, WALL-E, (500) Days of Summer, Up, The Hangover, Drive, The Cabin in the Woods, The Avengers, The Dark Knight Rises, Life of Pi, Skyfall, The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, Whiplash, The Amazing Spider-Man 2, Room, The Hateful Eight, The Force Awakens, Manchester by the Sea, Deadpool, La La Land, Moonlight, Rogue One, Call Me By Your Name, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2., Wonder Woman, Spider-Man: Homecoming, I, Tonya, Thor: Ragnorak, Phantom Thread, Roma, The Favourite, The Lighthouse, Toy Story 4, Midsommar, Ad Astra, Knives Out, Soul, The Green Knight, No Time to Die, Don't Look Up, Spider-Man: No Way Home, Turning Red, Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness, Thor: Love and Thunder, The Banshees of Inisherin, The Fabelmans, Glass Onion, Beau is Afraid, Barbie, Oppenheimer, Poor Things

number of movies phil rated higher than dan: 55

Star Wars (New Hope), Blair Witch Project, Requiem for a Dream, Memento, Ocean's Eleven, Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, Iron Man 2, Thor, Captain America: The First Avenger, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, Moonrise Kingdom, Iron Man 3, Gravity, Prisoners, The Wolf of Wall Street, The Grand Budapest Hotel, Captain America: The Winter Soldier, The Imitation Game, Nightcrawler, John Wick, Gone Girl, Big Hero 6, Jurassic World, The Martian, The Revenant, Nocturnal Animals, Split, Get Out, Baby Driver, The Disaster Artist, Dunkirk, The Shape of Water, The Greatest Showman, The Last Jedi, Ready Player One, Crazy Rich Asians, A Star is Born, Rocketman, Once Upon a Time… in Hollywood, Joker, The Rise of Skywalker, The Invisible Man, A Quiet Place Part II, Greenland, Tenet, Malignant, Eternals, The Matrix Resurrections, Scream (2022), Nope, Prey, Talk to Me, Avatar: The Way of the Water, The Super Mario Bros. Movie, Mission Impossible - Dead Reckoning Part One

number of movies they rated the same: 99!

Alien, ET, Gremlins, Back to the Future, Top Gun, Aliens, Home Alone, Silence of the Lambs, Jurassic Park, Pulp Fiction, The Lion King, Se7en, Scream, The Fifth Element, Titanic, The Truman Show, The Matrix, Magnolia, Spirited Away, Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, Spider-Man, Lost in Translation, Kill Bill, Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, Kill Bill Vol. 2, Mean Girls, Howl's Moving Castle, Children of Men, The Dark Knight, Pontypool, Inglourious Basterds, Avatar, Toy Story 3, Inception, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, Black Swan, The Social Network, 21 Jump Street, The Hunger Games, Silver Linings Playbook, The Conjuring, Snowpiercer, Her, Thor: The Dark World, The Hunger Games: Catching Fire, Boyhood, It Follows, Guardians of the Galaxy, Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance), Interstellar, Ex Machina, The Witch, Avengers: The Age of Ultron, Mad Max: Fury Road, Inside Out, Ant-Man, Captain America: Civil War, Your Name., Arrival, Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri, mother!, It, Blade Runner 2049, Hereditary, Black Panther, Annihilation, A Quiet Place, Avengers: Infinity War, Captain Marvel, Us, Avengers: Endgame, Parasite, It Chapter Two, Marriage Story, Uncut Gems, 1917, Black Widow, The Suicide Squad, Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings, Dune, Last Night in Soho, The Batman (2022), Everything Everywhere All at Once, X, The Northman, Top Gun: Maverick, Bullet Train, Barbarian, Pearl, M3GAN, Dungeons and Dragongs: Honor Among Thieves, Evil Dead Rise, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 3., No Hard Feelings, Saltburn, Priscilla, Society of the Snow, Saw X, Leave the World Behind

i didn't analyse this by genre or anything, but i could -- so if you're interested lmk!

the 5 movies with the most different ratings between dan and phil

- Iron Man 2 (dan: 2, phil 3.5)

- The Greatest Showman (d: 2.5, p: 4)

- Malignant (d: 3, p: 4.5)

- Scream (2022) (d: 2.5, p: 4)

- Beau is Afraid (d: 3, p: 1.5)

Interesting that even though dan has more higher rated movies, 4/5 of these ones phil rated higher.

next, their 5-star movies

dan's five stars: 80

Alien, Empire Strikes Back, ET, Blade Runner, Gremlins, Back to the Future, Top Gun, Aliens, Stand by Me, The Grave of the Fireflies, My Neighbor Totoro, Back to the Future II, Home Alone, Silence of the Lambs, Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin, Jurassic Park, Nightmare Before Christmas, Schindler's List, Pulp Fiction, The Lion King, Toy Story, Fargo, Scream, The Fifth Element, Hercules, Neon Genesis Evangelion, Titanic, The Truman Show, The Matrix, Fight Club, Magnolia, The Emperor's New Groove, Donnie Darko, Moulin Rouge, Shrek, Spirited Away, Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, Finding Nemo, Kill Bill, Oldboy, Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, Shaun of the Dead, Kill Bill Vol. 2, Howl's Moving Castle, Revenge of the Sith, Brokeback Mountain, No Country for Old Men, The Dark Knight, Inception, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, The Tree of Life, 21 Jump Street, The Avengers, Life of Pi, Skyfall, Under the Skin, Whiplash, Dawn of the Planet of the Apes, Interstellar, Mad Max: Fury Road, Sicario, The Hateful Eight, La La Land, Arrival, mother!, Blade Runner 2049, Avengers: Infinity War, First Man, The Favourite, The Lighthouse, Parasite, Midsommar, Uncut Gems, 1917, Dune, Everything Everywhere All at Once, Top Gun: Maverick, Oppenheimer, Poor Things

phil's five stars:

Star Wars (New Hope), Alien, ET, Gremlins, Back to the Future, Top Gun, Aliens, Home Alone, Silence of the Lambs, Jurassic Park, Pulp Fiction, The Lion King, Scream, The Fifth Element, Titanic, The Truman Show, The Matrix, Magnolia, Requiem for a Dream, Memento, Spirited Away, Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, Kill Bill, Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, Kill Bill Vol. 2, Howl's Moving Castle, The Dark Knight, Inception, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, 21 Jump Street, Interstellar, Mad Max: Fury Road, The Revenant, Arrival, Dunkirk, mother!, Blade Runner 2049, Avengers: Infinity War, Parasite, Uncut Gems, 1917, Dune, Everything Everywhere All at Once, Top Gun: Maverick, Terminator 2: Judgment Day, The Shawshank Redemption, Gladiator, Little Miss Sunshine

overlap: 39

Alien, ET, Gremlins, Back to the Future, Top Gun, Aliens, Home Alone, Silence of the Lambs, Jurassic Park, Pulp Fiction, The Lion King, Scream, The Fifth Element, Titanic, The Truman Show, The Matrix, Magnolia, Spirited Away, Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, Kill Bill, Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, Kill Bill Vol. 2, Howl's Moving Castle, The Dark Knight, Inception, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, 21 Jump Street, Interstellar, Mad Max: Fury Road, Arrival, mother!, Blade Runner 2049, Avengers: Infinity War, Parasite, Uncut Gems, 1917, Dune, Everything Everywhere All at Once, Top Gun: Maverick

& their lowest rated movies...

dan: matrix resurrections (1) , thor: the dark world (1.5), the rise of skywalker (1.5)

phil: crimes of the future (1), attack of the clones (1.5), thor: the dark world (1.5), don’t look up (1.5), the matrix resurrections (1.5), doctor strange in the multiverse of madness (1.5), beau is afraid (1.5), black bear (1.5)

not even chris hemsworth could save thor the dark world, i guess (kat dennings, though…)

movies they logged on the same date:

note that this is like, non-exhaustive, because this is only based on their diaries that list the date. i think in reality they've watched most of these movies together. frequently dan logged a couple days after phil which aren’t shown here. procrastination queen

Pontypool, Eternals, The Northman, Nope, Barbarian, The Banshees of Inisherin, Glass Onion, The Super Mario Bros. Movie, Beau is Afraid, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 3., Mission Impossible - Dead Reckoning Part One, Saltburn, Poor Things, Priscilla, Saw X, Leave the World Behind

movies that one logged and not the other:

dan but not phil: 85

The Exorcist, Stand by Me, The Grave of the Fireflies, Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin, Home Alone 2, Schindler's List, Fargo, Romeo & Juliet, Hercules, Men in Black, Neon Genesis Evangelion, The Mummy, The 13th Warrior, Fight Club, The Emperor's New Groove, Moulin Rouge, Shrek, Legally Blonde, Monsters, Inc, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, Scooby-Doo, 28 Days Later, Matrix Reloaded, Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, School of Rock, Matrix Revolutions, Saw, Shaun of the Dead, Shrek 2, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Revenge of the Sith, The Devil Wears Prada, Borat, Casino Royale, No Country for Old Men, Death Proof, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, There Will Be Blood, Tropic Thunder, Slumdog Millionaire, Moon, District 9, Fantastic Mr. Fox, The King's Speech, We Need to Talk About Kevin, The Tree of Life, X-Men: First Class, Prometheus, Argo, Les Miserables, Django Unchained, World War Z, Pacific Rim, Under the Skin, 12 Years a Slave, American Hustle, The Babadook, The Lego Movie, x-Men: Days of Future Past, 22 Jump Street, Dawn of the Planet of the Apes, The Theory of Everything, Green Room, Sicario, Spotlight, The Big Short, 10 Cloverfield Lane, The Conjuring 2, Train to Busan, Hacksaw Ridge, Doctor Strange, Hidden Figures, Logan, You Were Never Really Here, Game Night, Isle of Dogs, First Man, The Ballad of Buster Scruggs, Suspiria, Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse, Glass, Hustlers, Pig, Violent Night

phil but not dan: 86

Jaws, The Terminator, Beetlejuice, Die Hard, Terminator 2: Judgment Day, Groundhog Day, The Shawshank Redemption, Leon: The Professional, The Usual Suspects, The Frighteners, The Sixth Sense, Being John Malkovich, American Beauty, The Green Mile, Gladiator, Catch Me if You Can, Elf, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Little Miss Sunshine, Pan's Labyrinth, The Prestige, Zodiac, Spider-Man 3, Iron Man, Juno, Lake Mungo, Twilight, Zombieland, Kick-Ass, Brave, Evil Dead, The Great Gatsby, Now You See Me, Monsters University, Man of Steel, About Time, Dallas Buyers Club, Edge of Tomorrow, The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1, The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 2, The Boy, Raw, Finding Dory, Suicide Squad, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, John Wick: Chapter 2, Lady Bird, The Ritual, Happy Death Day, Deadpool 2, Ocean's 8, Ant-Man and The Wasp, Bird Box, Booksmart, Crawl, Spider-Man: Far From Home, The Platform, Black Bear, Palm Springs, The Empty Man, The Innocents, Titane, Old, Free Guy, The Black Phone, Fresh, Watcher, Bodies Bodies Bodies, Ambulance, Aftersun, Crimes of the Future, Fall, Bones and All, The Menu, Sanctuary, Do Revenge, Smile, Hellraiser (2022), Mr. Harrigan's Phone, Plane, Missing, Infinity Pool, Past Lives, Knock at the Cabin, Scream VI

i’m interested to see how this varies by genre!

miscellaneous non-statistical things that made me parasocially emotional and/or laugh during this process:

they watched nope together on christmas eve 2022 <3

dan rated moulin rouge a 5 <3 nature boy <3

he also rated shrek a 5. of course. (valid).

4.5 from dan and 4 from phil from the notebook

5 from danny for brokeback mountain <3 and a 4.5 from philly

cmbyn, yes, has its issues, but dan rated 4.5 and phil 4

the shape of water got a 4.5 from monsterfucker phil lester (dan gave it a 4)

surprisingly phil rated rocketman higher than dan! surprising because dan liked so many musicals

dan gave hustlers a 3.5. i don't know why i think this is funny, but i do. phil doesn't have it logged or rated, lmao.

a 4 (d) and a 3.5 (p) for barbie!

phil gave twilight a 3. lol.

phil also gave do revenge only a 3.5. tragique.

phil watched a LOT of horror alone in october 2022 (aka while dan was on tour). anyway he's just like me <3

[arcanefox207]

The Wolf You Feed (Part 3)

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader

Rating: Explicit, 18+ MDNI

Word Count: 6.2k

Part 3 / ? (Ongoing Series) (AO3) (Previous Chapters)

Summary: Set in a fictional New England town, you fall for your handsome, intense and outdoorsy neighbor while renting out your parent's vacant summer home during a brutal winter.

Warnings: No Outbreak, AU but with TLoU characters, Large age gap (Reader is 29. Joel is 50ish). Pet names but no use of Y/N. Reader is smaller than Joel and has hair he can grab. POV Switching. Series contains Angst and lots of Smut (to avoid chapter specific spoilers you can expect things such as but not limited to Unprotected PiV, Cream Pies, Oral, Masturbation, Dom!Joel, Subby reader, Pining, Infidelity, Edging) 

A/N: Chapter 3 starts off VERY Angst heavy! The majority after that is full on smut with some plot development. I'd love to hear feedback on what you think of this chapter. It took me longer to write because I really wanted to nail the angst part so I challenged myself to really make that part hit some feels.

A O 3 | M A S T E R L I S T | N O T I F I C A T I O N S

Comments / Reblogs are so incredibly appreciated 🧡

[Joel POV]

Joel sits waiting with a scowl as Tess passes him and joins him across the booth. After a day or two they finally made plans to get together briefly at lunch to talk. 

His scowl softens when he looks at her. His untouched cup of coffee sits between them like a mediator. She leaves her jacket on with no intention of being there long. 

He comes out and says it. Calmly and softly. 

“I can’t do this anymore.” His gaze faces downward and avoids her face.

“Do what?” Tess askes, acting puzzled by their conversation.

Joel gestures his finger pointing between the two of them. His face is solemn as his eyes reluctantly lock with hers. 

“You gotta be kidding me.” Tess scoffs. She searches his eyes for more information but his stare is cold and serious. 

“Whats got you so noble all of a sudden?” She teases, still not really believing him. He can see her working it out in her head.

Joel wants to tell her all about you, but he knows he can’t. 

“Do what you want. I’m not your wife.” 

Joel wants to believe that, but he knows her too well. He hasn’t had success with anyone else in a long time because he hasn’t really tried. Nothing serious, anyways. She knows he is loyal to her at the end of the day. Always has been and always will be. The permission to do whatever with whomever is just an illusion. It never had been challenged before and was just empty words. 

Tess has always had a way to keep Joel on her leash. They were too comfortable with how things were. Their history was long and tumultuous but it was familiar. She had been there for him at his darkest times and he felt an obligation to her. One he had been content with fulfilling. The allure of familiarity was strong, but it was waning and Tess was too preoccupied to stop it.   

“Tess, this thing we have isn’t working.” He pauses. “It hasn’t been working.” His words have more bite than he intended as they leave his mouth. 

“This thing?” Her eyes narrow as she accentuates the word. “Joel, tell me what is really going on.”

The guilt was starting to get to him. It wasn’t fair to Tess and it wasn’t fair to you. It shouldn’t even be an issue, really. Joel’s conflict just further confirmed how entwined he was with Tess and the last thing he wanted to do was hurt her. 

It was no secret that Tess and Joel were a thing. They were both well respected and liked in town but also had a reputation for being intense if you crossed them. Everyone knew that Joel would break their jaw if they put their hands on Tess for any reason or gave her any trouble. He was her protector and her lover. Whichever one she needed. It was common knowledge that they were in a situationship. There was no romance, but they had an unspoken claim on each other. 

“Whatever this is you are going through is fucking weird.” She waves her hand in front of her, mimicking his ambiguity. Her voice is a little more shaky than before, but still holding back any real emotion. 

He looks down at his coffee. He can feel her gaze boring into him, searching for the source of this conversation. The shame is permeating from him like a stink he can’t wash off and she can smell it.

“So you’ve been fucking around with someone else?” She asks bluntly. Piecing it all together. 

“I didn’t exactly go looking for it.” He says, coldly. Annoyed by her accusation that was by all counts correct. 

“Jesus, Joel.” Her tone is filled with disgust more than anything.

“Don’t, Tess.” His words bite. “You’re never around. Don’t act like we are anything more than that.” 

“Only when you want to get your dick wet.”

“You’re one to talk.”

“Fuck you.”

Joel sits, silent. Biting his tongue and trying to keep his cool. He doesn’t want to admit it, but she is right. The one constant in his life the past few years has been Tess. They never were successful in making the leap to something legitimate. They were both too headstrong and too stubborn. 

Oil and water. 

Despite that, they had amazing sexual chemistry, when they made time for each other. Joel had stupidly suggested it might be practical if they moved in together, but she shot that down. Joel wanted some semblance of a relationship and her resistance to that started driving a wedge between them. Things only got more toxic and strained between them after that. Their interactions had been slowly reduced to just the occasional fuck after drinking at the bar and a whole lot of arguing. 

Then you came along. The catalyst that made him question why he was just staying complacent with Tess and how sustainable that really was going to be. You did it all without realizing it.

 “I don’t have time to play games, Joel.” 

“Tess…” He stares at her. “I ain’t playing.” The words come out firmly through gritted teeth and his balled up fist slams on the table making the contents on the surface rattle.  

As much as Tess could be intimidating, it was nothing compared to a worked up Joel Miller. She scoots out from the booth and stands up in a huff, clearly over this conversation. 

“When you’re done having your fun, don’t come looking for me.” 

Her prickly demeanor tears away at his resolve. He doesn’t want to lose Tess, but he doesn’t know how to quit her either. She knows it, too. Dangling her threat in front of him to keep him on the hook. Daring him to eat his words.

Joel feels stricken with panic. His temper cools and is replaced with regret. All he had done was piss her off and work himself up. He was finally saying the words out loud that they both had been avoiding for too long, but he was too afraid to commit and make things final. 

He reaches his arm out like a reflex and grabs her arm as she passes. Their eyes lock in a standoff. Tess has a fire in her eyes but behind that he can see the hurt lurking. He relaxes his grip now that he has her attention and looks away, ashamed. His hand drags down her arm slowly. Tender and apologetic. 

“Will I see you Friday night?” 

Coward. He hates himself as soon as those words leave his mouth. Why couldn’t he just let her walk away?  

“Yeah. Sure.” She conceals the slightest smirk from his sight as she pulls her arm free and keeps walking toward the door. 

Later that night after Joel returns home he has nothing left to distract him. He had worked as late as he could. He had a liquid dinner of whiskey. 

After he showered he got into some sweatpants and a simple cotton tshirt and scrolled mindlessly through the channels. He settled on a mediocre action movie that was halfway over and just let it fill the background noise. 

His mind is on overdrive rehashing the conversation with Tess over and over. Regretting not just letting her go. It was easier to imagine doing that when it wasn’t the heat of the moment. He was so close but he knew she wouldn’t make it easy for him. He knew better than to let himself get wound up too and put her on the defensive. He never wanted to hurt Tess even if he was fed up with her.   

He had no intention of continuing his charades with her and didn’t want to lead her on, but he couldn’t let it end like that. They had too much history. She had been too important to Joel since they met in Boston. He didn’t want to lose what they had, but it was becoming more and more clear that it had been gone for a long time. He still had to try. 

He hated feeling so ambivalent. 

“Damn it, Tess.” He says out loud to himself as he leans forward over his knees with his hands clasped between them. He slams his whiskey glass down on the table in front of him.     

His body is too tense and agitated. He stands up and paces past the front window. His eyes catch the light of your home and he feels a different kind of heat take over. His frustration was looking for any way to escape. He could already feel himself getting hard thinking about fucking you again. A combination of desire for you and aggravation that his situationship with Tess was going to stifle this new flame.  

He braces against the wall and palms himself over his pants with deep, labored strokes. He reaches his hand inside and continues. His cock is begging for your touch. 

Your touch. 

It all seemed so clear to him at this moment. You were exactly what he needed. What he wanted. In the short time he had come to know you one thing was certain. Being around you made him feel good. 

He withdraws his hand with a pained restraint and instead picks up his phone.       

Joel needs to see you. He sends you a text. 

[Reader POV]

Joel: Come over?

No preamble. No context. You read the message and then read it again. 

You: Sure

There is nothing you’d like more. You want to tell him that, but you keep it short and sweet.

It was already getting late but you didn’t want to question it too much. It’s not like you were doing anything important anyways. You had already made a deal with yourself to let things cool off a little so that you didn’t come off desperate with how badly he made you want him. 

This unexpected late night invitation was very much welcomed. Whatever reason Joel had to invite you over, you were ready to find out.   

You throw on a pair of jeans, grab your jacket and head over on foot. The cool air is soothing. It helps calm you down as you can feel your heart racing the closer you get. His home was becoming more and more familiar to you. It was hard not to pass it everyday and want to be back inside and wonder what he was up to. Joel was becoming more and more familiar. You had never felt so enamored with a guy before. Much less someone like Joel and especially not someone old enough to be your dad. You knew so little about him, too. Something you plan to remedy when you are not being dickmatized. 

He answers the door as you approach it and you step in, scuffing your boots to kick off the snow. You notice how dimly lit the place is with only the light from his TV and the wood stove burning low. A single light in the kitchen above the sink where you first got to experience his touch. 

You turn to face him as he closes the door. He looks on edge.

He takes a step towards you and grabs your chin, directing you to look up at him. His eyes are dark and his energy is agitated. Hungry. Lustful. Something is off but you can’t quite place it. You infer that his silence means he didn’t invite you over to chat so you don’t pry. Shoot first and ask questions later was becoming the status quo. 

He brushes his thumb across your lip and parts your mouth open slightly. It makes you melt inside as you confirm this invitation was for all the reasons you had hoped. You give him a sultry smirk and tease the tip of his thumb with your tongue.

No words are spoken as he closes the gap and shoves his tongue in your mouth. He presses into you and turns you to swap positions so he can pin you against the door. You can feel the heat of his cock against you as he devours you with his mouth and grinds into you. You can smell the lingering whiskey on his breath while you make out.

His hands pull your jacket off your shoulders and it falls to the ground. You kick your boots off and let them join the mess of clothing starting to gather at your feet. He pulls your shirt over your head and struggles to undo your bra while his body rocks into you; crowding you in. He is careful not to lose contact with you for long. His mouth roams to your neck and collarbone as you reach your hands down to unbutton your jeans. The cruel barrier between you does little to conceal his hardening cock, poking into you as you struggle to unzip and free yourself from your jeans. 

Your bare back against the door is cold and sends goosebumps through your skin. His hand brushes over your hardening nipple and it sends him in a frenzy that stops you in your tracks as he becomes preoccupied with your hardening buds. 

He hooks his hands under your thighs to hoist you up higher for easier access. You straddle him to help hold yourself up. He maneuvers you so effortlessly. His biceps bulge tightly through the arms of his tshirt as he uses his strength to pin you firmly between him and the door while he ravages your tits. 

Your hands grip into his shoulders and he leans in to take your nipple in his mouth. His tongue swirls and teases as you become harder and more sensitive. 

He is rough and needy. A moan escapes your lips as he sucks hard and flicks you with his tongue before switching over to the other side and does it all over again. He is getting increasingly forceful. 

It’s almost too rough and borders hurting but his unhinged desire to take what he wants in the moment makes you feel euphoric. You want to be at his mercy.

A bite catches you off guard and you and you gasp as he nips at you again with more restraint. He pulls back to control himself, panting and realizing he might be getting too intense. 

He lowers you gently back to your feet and holds your hips firmly. He leans into your ear and his words come out deep and commanding. 

“Bedroom.”

He leads you hastily through the living room to a room you had not been in before. It smells masculine and clean with a woodsy veil lingering from the wood stove. He has dark blue bedding and decor against beautiful rustic, knotty pine walls. It feels comfortable and distinctly Joel. A rush of excitement surges through you. Being in his bedroom. Standing at the foot of his bed.  

He comes up behind you and wraps his arms around you and mouths your jawline and collar. It doesn’t take long before he is getting carried away again leaving playful bites on your tender skin. You relish it and welcome being branded by him. You’ve never been with someone so rough and dominant and you find yourself craving this side of Joel. Your body aches for his touch.       

One of his hands is forcefully grabbing your breast and the other he slides down your belly and dips inside your panties. You are embarrassingly aroused already and he feels how wet you are as he grazes over your underwear. He curls two of his fingers under the damp fabric and lets out a low growl as he presses them over your swollen clit and gets them wet at your entrance. His fingers are so thick. He gently works his two fingers in and out of you over and over again while his thumb teases your clit. While he is stretching you out he bites at the crook of your neck and earlobe. His cock poking into you and begging for friction as he grinds it into you.

You can feel him everywhere on your body. All your senses are flooded by his presence. His scent. His heat. His touch.  

He slides his hand up and hooks his fingers on your waistband and tugs them down. You help shimmy out of them and bend over to let them drop to the floor. With one more layer removed you press back into him as you rise back up and feel his hard cock against your ass. You seize the opportunity to tease him back by rubbing up against him. You can feel his cock swelling against you and you let out a needy moan to further tempt him while you slowly rise back up. You want him inside you so badly and you can feel how badly he wants it too.

“Easy,” he says sternly as his hands find a grip on your hips while you push back into him again. You hear a raspy moan catch in his throat. 

“Don’t.” He threatens while he grips you harder and keeps you still. That dangerous side shows itself and it makes you equally turned on as you are intimidated. You listen. 

He removes his other hand from your breast and slides it up around the front of your neck and gently around your throat. He tilts your head back and cups your jawline as he presses a needy kiss into you and turns you around to face him.   

Joel pushes you down gently onto your back. His bed is messy and unkempt and smells like him. He stands at the foot of the bed and pulls his shirt off. His shoulder frame is so wide and his tapered waist teases you with his happy trail spilling out from his pants that are straining to hold him in. He leaves them and seems to ignore his own arousal for a moment to turn his entire focus on you. He drinks in your naked body laid bare before him and bites his lip back with a crooked smile. He has already made a mess of you and he can see how needy you are for him. Keeping his cock hidden seems cruel but you aren’t even sure if you could handle much more of his body at this moment. 

He crawls onto the bed on all fours and situates himself in between your legs. The mattress sinks slightly under his weight as he settles between your legs with his arms holding him up on each side of you. His scruff scrapes the soft skin of your inner thigh as he lowers his head down and it sends a shiver through you. He presses his mouth to the crease at the top of your leg and places a gentle kiss as he moves in closer to your center. 

His movements are slow and deliberate and he is teasing you with anticipation. His eyes lock onto yours. They are blown out and mad with desire. Dangerously hungry.  

“Need to taste you.” He groans and snakes his hands under and around your legs and drags you closer to him, never breaking eye contact. His hands splay over your lower belly and he dives in. Your head tilts back as you stare up at the ceiling and breathe sharply. Your body is floating in pure ecstasy.  

His focus is now entirely on eating you out. He flattens his tongue and licks you up to your clit again and again. You are getting wetter and wetter. He goes at a painfully slow pace and savors your taste. The sensation is intoxicating. He works his tongue with such precision. 

Moans escape your lips and your body writhes under his expert tongue. Your back arches up as he dips further into you. His nose teases your clit while he stretches his tongue inside you. His damp beard scrapes against you as he moves his head, tantalizing your skin.  

Your hands scramble to grab his tousled hair between your legs and you latch onto him and look down to steal a glance while he works. He is so handsome and skilled it doesn’t feel real. You can’t shake the feeling that you are waiting for the other shoe to drop, but at this moment you don’t even care. 

His broadness let him take up so much space and spread you so wide open for him. His shoulders crest as he maneuvers himself deeper and you can see his beading sweat. He is so focused on making you feel good. Making you feel desired while he is genuinely enjoying every moment of it. 

You lay your head back again and your vision starts to fade out as the sensation becomes overpowering. His tongue is relentless, exploring your folds and discovering all the right spots that drive you wild. Your hands tangle in his silver streaked hair and you are certain it has to be hurting him with how hard you are pulling. He does not seem to be fazed in the slightest and only responds with more vigor the harder you pull.   

“Joel. I’m gonna..” 

He interrupts you by sharply pushing you down against the mattress so you can’t squirm anymore. 

“Not yet.” He commands, his eyes staying focused on your cunt while he speaks. “I’m not done with you.” 

He doubles down on his movements to further push your limits. His whole face is buried in you. Pleasuring your most tender parts with a passionate hunger. Savoring your sweetness. 

You writhe under him. His words invigorate you as you grasp onto anything that might help you hold on. His hair. The bed sheets. The comforter balled up around you. He doesn’t seem to mind that your legs are nearly strangling him. You doubt he can even feel it. He is so much bigger and stronger than you.  

He sends you over the edge when he takes your swollen clit between his lips and sucks hard while he swirls it with his tongue. 

You moan as your orgasm washes over you and he goes into a frenzy lapping at you, moaning as he takes all of you in. You have never come so hard before and he is drinking every bit of you. Reaping the benefits of his handiwork.   

You are both panting to catch your breath and enjoy a calm moment as you come down from your high. You look down at him still placed between your legs. He groans as he stiffly adjusts his arms to prop himself up. One of the few moments that reminds you he is damn near 50 years old, and you are surprised to find it so endearing.  

“Holy Fuck, Joel.” you say almost giddy and rest your arm across your forehead and breathe deep. No one has ever pleasured you like Joel Miller and you are pretty sure he knows it. 

His face is shiny and wet from your release and his beard is covered in your slick. He looks feral and depraved as he drags the back of his hand across his face to wipe off your mess but it only smears it more. He licks his bottom lip, and seems pleased to wear your mess like a badge of honor. He was being such a nasty man, but you liked him nasty.

He backs up off the bed and reluctantly stands up. His cock is begging to be touched and let free. He catches the needy way you look at.

“Not yet, baby.” He slides his hand under his waistband and you can see him stroke his length and groan slightly as he slides his pants down. He jerks on it a few more times and you can see it leaking at the tip. It's fat and ready to burst. You can feel your body pulsing, begging to have him inside you. 

“I want more of that pussy first.”

He slips out of his pants completely and then returns to his place on the bed, between your legs. He forces them open with his head. It’s playful but also devious. You didn’t realize how tightly you were holding your legs together until he charged in. 

“Joel!” You whine. 

He ignores you and places a rogue kiss on your abdomen and then resumes fucking you with his tongue. He uses his thumbs to spread your folds open so he can get in deep. You whimper as the pressure on you and inside you builds. You are wet again in no time and he relishes every molecule that coats his tongue.  

He leans into you and pushes your legs back into your chest and laps at you with this new leverage. You can hear him moaning in delight.

“Joel…” You say his name again, louder, trying to get his attention. You are overstimulated and he doesn’t stop. Not that you actually want him to stop, but you do want him to know you are coming undone.

The second wave of pleasure starts to build. You are swollen and begging for his touch. Begging for him to fill you. As good as his tongue feels, you need to feel more of him. Making you beg for his cock turns him on too. He relishes your needy pleas and edges you even more. 

He gets you good and wet and reluctantly pulls away from you and sits up. One hand presses your leg open while the other hand zeroes in on your opening. He dips a finger in and immediately adds another as he fucks you with his thick fingers, twisting them inside you. He wastes no time. Much rougher than earlier. He does it just long enough to get them dripping and feel you clench around him. You let out a whimper as he scissors his fingers and then cruelly pulls out of you, leaving you empty.  

He wasn’t being so nice anymore. His movements were more urgent and practical. He had neglected his swollen cock for long enough.  

His wet hand glides over his shaft while he stares at you.  

“You’re being so good.” he praises. His veiny cock glistening in your slick.

“Gonna fuck you now, Sweetheart.”

He kneels on the bed and leans forward to pull you up. Your legs dangle loosely as he pulls you to your knees and spreads your legs to straddle him in his lap. His weighty cock is between your bodies. He notches it at your entrance and grabs it firmly at the base and pumps it before he guides the head into you. 

Even though you are soaked and he just fingered you it is still a stretch your body isn’t quite ready for. His slicked up, swollen head splits you open and you feel a searing burn as your walls strain to fit him.  

He lets out a grunt as he pushes it in further and locks his hands on your hips. You gasp as he pulls you all the way down to his base and holds you there for a moment. You wrap your arms around his neck and press your head to his chest while your mouth gapes open and you moan. You were not expecting him to fill you with his full length so quickly. He was a lot to take.  

He leans back away from you just far enough to catch your eyes and check in on you. You feel his cock twitch inside you while he is admiring how fucked out you look. 

Your bodies come together again and he grabs you hard. He thrusts up into you and pulls you down on his cock hard as he fucks you. His arms tangle around you as his pace quickens. Your nails claw into his back as you try to desperately grab onto something.

He snarls and nips at your collar as he fucks you relentlessly. He starts to come undone. His undulating thrusts turn chaotic. You can feel his cock swelling inside you, ready to unload. 

You want him to fill you to the brim with his come but you don’t have the capacity to form coherent words. You try anyway holding yourself even tighter against him and moaning. Pleading with your touch. You hadn’t found the appropriate moment to tell him oh, by the way I have an IUD and doing it while being fucked senseless was incredibly difficult.

Your muscles are going weaker by the second but he picks up on your attempts. Joel was incredibly tuned into you. As if he needed another reason to be so attractive.  

“Where, baby?” He slows his pace but just slightly. He urges you to reply by placing one of his hands on the side of your face and holding you up to look at him. You can tell from his tone that he is on the brink. 

“In… inside.” You manage to get it out. You catch the way the corner of his mouth pulls up slightly while his eyes narrow over his nose. It was exactly what he was hoping to hear. He thumbs over your jawline and then brings his hand back down to your hips. 

Joel grunts loud as he thrusts into you while he pulls you down on him. Rough and violent in his movements. His cock kisses your deepest parts and you scream out his name and claw into him. His moan sends you over the edge and your muscles convulse as your release escapes you.

He can feel your walls choking his cock while you come. It sets his own climax in motion and he loses control, bucking into you frantically while he snarls. You can feel his hot ropes of come fill you as his cock pulses. He thrusts up into you with a labored exhale as he empties himself inside you. 

Having him fill you with his spend feels so cathartic. For both of you, you imagine, judging by his calmer demeanor. You share a peaceful moment together entangled and panting. Hot and sticky sweat beading between your bodies. The smell of sex and burning wood.  

He presses his forehead into yours and leads you down gently back onto the mattress. His come leaks out of you as he pulls out with a groan. He was already taking up any available space before he poured into you. You mourn its loss as it drips out of your cunt.  

He presses a kiss to your forehead and drops to his side, next to you. His arm drapes over your midsection and he turns you on your side. He pulls you close so your back is flush against the front of his body. His wet and softening cock nestles at the curve of your ass. 

You can feel his heartbeat with heavy thuds starting to slow. He traces his hand along your side and gently rubs your skin. It makes you shiver. Your sides are sore from being held so tightly but his touch now is soft and gentle. Soothing. 

Joel was intense in bed, but it never made you feel like you were in any sort of danger. He was certainly capable of harming you but you trusted him. He pushed your limits in all the right ways. On the outside he was rough and dominant, but you were starting to see that deep inside he knew how to be gentle too. He had another side of him that he was content to share with you in these moments. 

He made you feel safe. Like he would protect you from anything.

“Joel?” You call for his attention, almost sheepish.

“Mmm?” He mumbles, raspy. From the sounds of it he was nearly passed out.

You roll onto your other side so you are facing him now. His hand snakes over your ass and he rubs you.

“You fuck good for an old man.” 

He bites inside his cheek to hold back a smile and shakes his head. 

“Watch it.” He threatens, but in a joking tone. He pulls your head into his chest and scoffs. You liked teasing him about his age.

You smile to yourself and bury your face in his chest as he holds you tighter. 

You wake up to the sound of heavy boots clunking on the wood floor. You slowly blink your eyes open and then jolt up when you realize you are not at home. You look to your right and the spot on the bed is empty with blankets haphazardly tossed aside. You are in an unfamiliar bed, naked and your body is sore. 

Your brain slowly wakes up as you remember Joel inviting you over late last night. You didn’t mean to fall asleep in his bed. He had fucked you silly and it is not at all surprising that you slept like a baby. He wore out your body and the last thing you remember was being held by him and listening to his rhythmic breath as you dozed off together.  

Your eyes searched the room for your clothes but half of them were still out by the front door. 

You see his olive green and orange plaid flannel draped over his dresser. You snatch it and put it on. It floats on you but feels so soft and comforting. The arms are so much longer and it hangs over you frumpy. It smells worn but you like being in his stink. You button just a few to hold it on you. It barely covers your ass but it does a good enough job. 

You push the bedroom door open and wince as you see the sun is just peaking through the treeline. A stark contrast to the room you woke up in. The reflection on the ice covered lake is bright and blinding. After your eyes adjust you can really take in what a beautiful morning it is. 

“Morning.” Joel greets you. He is standing over in the kitchen holding a coffee carafe and pouring it into his thermos. “Didn’t mean to wake you.” 

He looked so handsome. Fresh with his hair wet and slicked back. He cleaned up well and looked like an entirely different man from the night before. More put together anyways. More peaceful too. It reminded you of the first morning you met him. 

He was dressed for work and had on a few layers from head to toe. It made you feel foolish to still be so exposed. He did not seem to mind one bit.

He looks you up and down and he bites his lip while he tilts his head slightly and stares. 

“Mmm. Like you in my shirt.” He almost growls it at you.

You smile shyly and stand across from him at the island.

“I like it too. I might have to keep it.” You tease.  

You notice a coffee mug already prepared next to him.  His big hand claws it on the top and he slides it over towards you.

“Figured you’d want this.” 

“I sure do.” You pick up the mug with both hands and breathe in the sweet aroma. He had apparently paid attention enough to know that you like your coffee with cream and sugar. Another bonus point for attentiveness.     

“I got an early job today and I have to go. Stay as long as you need.” His offer was generous.

He twists the lid onto his thermos and grabs a bag with some tools and blueprints. He slings it over his shoulder and walks around the other side to stand next to you. 

He reaches his free hand out and gently pushes your messy hair behind your ear. He slowly drags his hand to your jaw and tenderly caresses you with his thumb. 

“See you later, sweetheart.” You melt inside. 

And then he was gone. 

You collect your things and quickly dress yourself properly. Your daily work alarm goes off on your phone while you are lacing up your boots. Just enough time to go home and shower and get ready for work. 

As you are about to head out a devious thought compels you to snatch the flannel. He won’t even miss it. He has plenty. 

As you close the door behind you you take a deep breath. The sun is warm on your face and the air is crisp and refreshing. Your senses are invigorated and your energy is bright and vibrant. The realization hits you as you start across the street. 

You are falling hard for Joel Miller. 

Part 4!

Thank you to my dear friends who beta'd for me @magpiepills and @legendary-pink-dot 🧡 ILY

Love to the rest of my sluts who support my creative shenanigans and give me life @exquisiteserotonin @pink-whiskey-woman @for-a-longlongtime

@youandmeand5bucks @sparklefarts38 @redhotkitchen

Inspo Tags for some of my favorite Joel fic writers that have inspired me in so many ways with their amazing, talented writings (Please give them all your love! Im sure you are already familiar with them) @toxicanonymity @swiftispunk @hier--soir @atticrissfinch @bageldaddy

Tag List - If you want to be added please leave a comment! You can also follow my Update blog at @ArcaneFoxFics but I realize the traditional tag list is still a preference so this is an option too 🧡

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[nasa]

5 Years, 8 Discoveries: NASA Exoplanet Explorer Sees Dancing Stars & a Star-Shredding Black Hole

This all-sky mosaic was constructed from 912 Transiting Exoplanet Survey Satellite (TESS) images. Prominent features include the Milky Way, a glowing arc that represents the bright central plane of our galaxy, and the Large and Small Magellanic Clouds – satellite galaxies of our own located, respectively, 160,000 and 200,000 light-years away. In the northern sky, look for the small, oblong shape of the Andromeda galaxy (M 31), the closest big spiral galaxy, located 2.5 million light-years away. The black regions are areas of sky that TESS didn’t image. Credit: NASA/MIT/TESS and Ethan Kruse (University of Maryland College Park)

On April 18, 2018, we launched the Transiting Exoplanet Survey Satellite, better known as TESS. It was designed to search for planets beyond our solar system – exoplanets – and to discover worlds for our James Webb Space Telescope, which launched three years later, to further explore. TESS images sections of sky, one hemisphere at a time. When we put all the images together, we get a great look at Earth’s sky!

In its five years in space, TESS has discovered 326 planets and more than 4,300 planet candidates. Along the way, the spacecraft has observed a plethora of other objects in space, including watching as a black hole devoured a star and seeing six stars dancing in space. Here are some notable results from TESS so far:

During its first five years in space, our Transiting Exoplanet Survey Satellite has discovered exoplanets and identified worlds that can be further explored by the James Webb Space Telescope. Credit: NASA/JPL-Caltech

1. TESS’ first discovery was a world called Pi Mensae c. It orbits the star Pi Mensae, about 60 light-years away from Earth and visible to the unaided eye in the Southern Hemisphere. This discovery kicked off NASA's new era of planet hunting.

2. Studying planets often helps us learn about stars too! Data from TESS & Spitzer helped scientists detect a planet around the young, flaring star AU Mic, providing a unique way to study how planets form, evolve, and interact with active stars.

Located less than 32 light-years from Earth, AU Microscopii is among the youngest planetary systems ever observed by astronomers, and its star throws vicious temper tantrums. This devilish young system holds planet AU Mic b captive inside a looming disk of ghostly dust and ceaselessly torments it with deadly blasts of X-rays and other radiation, thwarting any chance of life… as we know it! Beware! There is no escaping the stellar fury of this system. The monstrous flares of AU Mic will have you begging for eternal darkness. Credit: NASA/JPL-Caltech

3. In addition to finding exoplanets on its own, TESS serves as a pathfinder for the James Webb Space Telescope. TESS discovered the rocky world LHS 3844 b, but Webb will tell us more about its composition. Our telescopes, much like our scientists, work together.

4. Though TESS may be a planet-hunter, it also helps us study black holes! In 2019, TESS saw a ‘‘tidal disruption event,’’ otherwise known as a black hole shredding a star.

When a star strays too close to a black hole, intense tides break it apart into a stream of gas. The tail of the stream escapes the system, while the rest of it swings back around, surrounding the black hole with a disk of debris. Credit: NASA's Goddard Space Flight Center

5. In 2020, TESS discovered its first Earth-size world in the habitable zone of its star – the distance from a star at which liquid water could exist on a planet’s surface. Earlier this year, a second rocky planet was discovered in the system.

You can see the exoplanets that orbit the star TOI 700 moving within two marked habitable zones, a conservative habitable zone, and an optimistic habitable zone. Planet d orbits within the conservative habitable zone, while planet e moves within an optimistic habitable zone, the range of distances from a star where liquid surface water could be present at some point in a planet’s history. Credit: NASA Goddard Space Flight Center

6. Astronomers used TESS to find a six-star system where all stars undergo eclipses. Three binary pairs orbit each other, and, in turn, the pairs are engaged in an elaborate gravitational dance in a cosmic ballroom 1,900 light-years away in the constellation Eridanus.

7. Thanks to TESS, we learned that Delta Scuti stars pulse to the beat of their own drummer. Most seem to oscillate randomly, but we now know HD 31901 taps out a beat that merges 55 pulsation patterns.

Sound waves bouncing around inside a star cause it to expand and contract, which results in detectable brightness changes. This animation depicts one type of Delta Scuti pulsation — called a radial mode — that is driven by waves (blue arrows) traveling between the star's core and surface. In reality, a star may pulsate in many different modes, creating complicated patterns that enable scientists to learn about its interior. Credit: NASA’s Goddard Space Flight Center

8. Last is a galaxy that flares like clockwork! With TESS and Swift, astronomers identified the most predictably and frequently flaring active galaxy yet. ASASSN-14ko, which is 570 million light-years away, brightens every 114 days!

Make sure to follow us on Tumblr for your regular dose of space!

[fallecupid]

nsfw alphabet with art donaldson. ( headcanon )

.ᐟ.ᐟ warnings :ㅤ dom!reader.ㅤsab!art.ㅤfem!reader.ㅤnsfw content.ㅤword count: 3,3k.

( author's note : i apologize in advance for errors in this text / vague wording / words that are incorrect in meaning ( if any are present in the content. ) english is not my native language, everything written below has been translated by a translator. )

A — ( aftercare ) Immediately after sex, donaldson most often takes time to catch his breath, and later immediately buries his face in you like a damn koala. this is accompanied by his quiet questions about how much you liked it and whether he caused any discomfort.

B — ( body part ) of course these are hands. art melts in your hands, all these small touches on his hair, cheeks, and ultimately his penis. all this makes it the top of the world and brings incredible pleasure.

C — ( cum ) a man prefers to keep you clean, so he either cums in your mouth or on the fresh sheets.

D — ( dirty secret ) donaldson often jerks off in the bathroom, imagining something like bdsm. he wouldn't mind participating in something if it involves you.

E — ( experience ) can you say you are his one and only for life? however, his first time wasn't too damn terrible and he got better and better each time. after all he is a good boy and a quick learner, right?

F — ( favourite position ) donaldson likes it when you sit on him, it opens up a lot more possibilities. plus, this allows him to see your facial expression and understand whether he is going correctly.

G — ( goofy ) art will often say something inappropriate, almost forcing you to tease him. however, he is far from serious during sex.

H — ( hair ) hair is one of donaldson's main weaknesses, if you want to make it wet, just caress the light locks of his head. during sex, he will often ask you to grab his hair while you whisper sweet nothings in his ear.

I — ( intimacy ) art is a hopeless romantic. he suffers with every fiber of his being trying to please you. whether it's a candlelit dinner or going to the cinema with a bouquet of roses.

J — ( jack off ) sometimes he can afford it, on a tennis tour when you are not around. he locks himself in the hotel bathroom looking at your photos and completely worshiping you. sometimes these are video calls, but that's a completely different story.

K — ( kink ) dominance. well, you can’t hide that to some extent what turns him on is how much control you have over the process. more often than not, making him a boneless man who lets his needs come to the fore.

L — ( location ) there is no need to change traditions, so he fucks you (or you fuck him) in your bedroom, away from everything, only a lush bed and quiet moans.

M — ( motivation ) donaldson just needs to look at you to make his dick jump at a frantic pace. but it’s worth highlighting foreplay. what turns him on is how well you can act it out.

N — ( no ) nothing without your permission. even if he fucking wants you, he won't until you give him the green light.

O — ( oral sex ) he wouldn't perform oral sex on his own accord. if you proposed to him, he would happily agree, wanting to please your sophisticated desires.

P — ( pace ) definitely a slow pace. he wouldn’t rush anywhere, but rather would stretch out each thrust like a damn taste of pie on his tongue, giving you a chance to enjoy it to the fullest.

Q — ( quickie ) definitely not. neither you nor he like speed in this matter.

R — ( risk ) he wouldn’t fuck you in a toilet stall or somewhere on the balcony.

S — ( stamina ) usually your sex doesn’t last too long, an hour or an hour and a half, and you’re both already wet and damn satisfied.

T — ( toys ) unusual, but unfortunately not practiced.

U — ( unfair ) art encourages you rather than teases you. a few kind words and you have already pounced on him like a cat on a piece of meat. this is not to say that there is anything bad about this.

V — ( volume ) more often than not, any noise is muffled by your hips or pillows, so overall art is not a problem in this regard.

W — ( wildcard ) during sex, he is too often embarrassed by your comments about the behavior of his penis, so he sits under the covers while foreplay time passes.

X — ( x-ray ) something like 15 cm?

Y — ( yearning ) on a scale of ten it is something around 7/10. sex is relaxing and enjoyable.

Z — ( Zzz ) a man falls asleep once after you, so it depends on how tired you are and whether you will not have a continuation of previous sex.

[gooperts-gunk]

i saw someone on twitter writing qsmp names in korean and im trying so hard not to be bothered i know they have good intentions but it was just so wrong in parts so instead here's how qsmp names would be written in korean BY THE SOUND not how they're written. note that i am not korean nor on the korean side of qsmptwt but as a casual kpoppie it's a rite of passage to learn hangul and try to learn korean at one point therefore though i am not a trusted source i do know the basics of the phonetics LUL

alphabetical order & categorized!

get ready for me to infodump on mouth sounds

update from the morning after this post: fixed/optimized some!!!

english speaking creators:

badboyhalo: 밷보이헤이로 (baed-bo-i-he-i-ro/lo) i infer it'd be easier to just call him 헤이로 out of every part of him name please let's halo-truth bbh. the 헤이 slurs into the "hey/hei" sound, very little accentuation on the just one part, it works as one!!

dantdm: 단티디엠 or 댄티디엠 (dan-ti-di-em, daen-ti-di-em) i've heard both pronunciations for the name dan, it's a matter of preference here! EDIT: also possibly 댼 instead which is also daen but like, not really? but also they're really similar? and i don't know how to hear the difference but there is one and nevermind don't worry about it man

fit: 피트 (pi-teu) directly would be 핕 but that's just a tricky one it's bound to have a soft ㅡ sound following

foolish: 푸리쓰 or 푸리쌰? (pu-ri/li-sseu, pu-ri/li-ssya) THIS ONE IS TRICKY if it does go 쌰 it's be a soft one, but more likely 쓰 EDIT: IS IT 풀리쎠 (peul-ri-ssyeo) ?!?!?!? IM STILL ON THIS FOOLISH IS SO TOUGH TO PUT INTO HANGUL IM NOT GONNA BE OVER IT

ironmouse: 아이욘마우스 or 아이룐마우스 (a-i-yon-ma-u-seu, a-i-ryon/lyon-ma-u-seu) this one feels tit for tat, same same, just a minor difference in accentuating the r in iron or not! EDIT: could also be 아이런 (a-i-reon) or 아이론 (a-i-ron) !!!

jaiden: 제이든 (je-i-deun) no notes very easy and straightforward one

lenay: 르네이 (reu/leu-ne-i) same with jaiden's!

nihachu / niki: 니하추 or 니아추, 니키 (ni-ha-chu, ni-a-chu, ni-ki) another same same thing with ni-HA or ni-A, just depends on accentuation or not! the 추 may possibly be said as 츄 instead, but im unsure of which

philza: 피르쟈, 피르 (pi-reu/leu-jya, pi-reu/leu) no notes, straightforward! as you will come to notice, f's usually translate to ㅍ's, and z's usually translate to ㅈ's!

quackity: 콰키티 (kua/kwa-ki-ti) no notes! i heard like months back that quackity's korean fandom endearingly calls him 키티 i think?? fun fact i remembered :)

slimecicle / charlie: 스라임씨컬, 챨이 (seu-ra/la-im-ssi-keol/keor, chyal/chyar-i) wow okay so how do you write charlie in korean because i KNOW there's no way it's 챠르리 (chya-reu-ri) my tongue is tripping over the 르리, it has to be 챨이, or 챠리, or 챨리 right??? okay the more i think the more 챨리 (chyal-li) sounds right ok everyone go home i think it's 챨리 LUL

tinakitten / tina: 티나키던, 티나 (ti-na-ki-deon, ti-na) no notes! straightforward!

tubbo: 터뽀 (teo-bbo) no notes! but also i feel like there's other ways to write it that im just not convinced are correct LUL

wilbur soot: 윌버 쑽 (wil/wir-beo ssut) no notes!

spanish speaking creators:

carre: 카레 (ka-re) no notes!

elmariana: 에르마리아나 or 엘마리아나 (e-reu/leu-ma-ri/li-a-na, el-ma-ri-a-na) the reason why i included 에르 alongside 엘 is because it ends up sounding like "ed", the L/R sound in korean is in that same range and when said fast or cut abruptly like 엘, it sounds like a D, if not for context :) so 엘 COULD work! but it'd be hard to recognize it as an L/R sound without some extra space made for the sound. this is also relevant for elquackity!

german: 헤르만 or 헬만 (he-reu/leu-man, her/hel-man) same thing as last note applies here! it'd sound like HED-man more than HER-man but, still, could work!

luzu, arin: 루쥬 or 루주, 아린 (ru/lu-jyu, ru/lu-ju, a-rin/lin) no notes! i see luzu more said with the 쥬 sound instinctively but it's one of those either or i think EDIT: if it were the spain pronunciation i think it'd be 루튜 (lu-tyu) or 루뜌 (lu-ddyu) ??? the thhh sound doesn't exist in korean but this is the closest it gets i think

maximus, maxo: 맠수머스, 맠서 (mak-su-meo-seu, mak-seo) okay at this point my brain is mush and im sure there's a better way to write this but it's a tricky one. the 맠 could also be 막 (mag) but im unsure where in the mouth the difference is between 맠 and 막, because hangul is very mouth oriented, it's allll about tongue placement, and i am SO not on that X_X EDIT: i change my mind it's 막 for maximus but 맠서 is fine i think idk how to explain is just is. also alternate pronunciationfor maximus: 막씨머스 (mag-ssi-meo-seu)

missa sinfonia: 미싸 씬퍼냐 (mi-ssa ssin-peo-nya) yeah that seems about right (my brain is melting everything is hangul) no notes! EDIT: ok but IS it possibly 미사 (mi-sa)??? im doubting myself here

polispol, pol: 폴에쓰폴, 폴 (pol-e-sseu-pol, pol) no notes!

rivers: 리버스 (ri/li-beo-seu) no notes!

roier: 로이예 or 로이옐 (ro/lo-i-ye, ro/lo-i-yer/yel) this is one of those scenarios where an abrupt L/R sound works just fine! don't know how to explain it! but it just works!

rubius: 루비어스 (ru-bi-eo-seu) no notes!

spreen: 스프린 (seu-peu-rin) no notes!

vegetta: 베헷따 (be-het-dda) okay i don't know how to explain but tonalities of how you say vegetta in spanish make me think 베 and that the tta would be equal to the sharpness of 따 stick with me here i've been doing hangul names for so long now i can't see the end of the horizon EDIT: for some reason im changing my mind it might be 페헷따 (pe-het-dda)

willyrex, willy: 위리렉스, 위리 (wi-ri-reg-seu, wi-ri) okay again idk how to explain but the reason why ㄱ and not ㅋ is because it just feels like it instinctively, like that's a deep ㄱ abrubt stop, not a high ㅋ abrupt stop. im losing my marbles

portuguese speaking creators:

bagi: 바지 (ba-ji) no notes!

cellbit: 셀비트 (sel-bi-teu) guys this is getting hard. yes it's somehow sel and not se-leu. yes it's bi-teu and somehow not bit. if it were bit it'd be missing the aftermath TCH sound and i think it sounds good with it. the sel has space to breathe and isn't abrupt. stay with me. we're almost done EDIT: fellow hangul enjoyer anon in ask box said 셀빛 (sel-bich/bit) or 셀비츠 (sel-bi-cheu) if with the accent, i like these, ur getting put on the fridge with the best magnets. 빛 is a fun one because it sounds pretty much the same to 빝 or 빗, all end in the same stop of the tongue going to the roof of the mouth, but 빛 in particular means "light" and i think that's nice :)

felps: 펠릅스 (pel-reub-seu) holy moly i didn't expect this to be a tongue twister but i think i nailed it

mike: 마이크 or 마이키 (ma-i-keu, ma-i-ki) i've heard mike being called mikey so i included it for fun because there's been so much hardship. so so much. we're in this together.

pac: 팩 or 패크 (paeg, pae-keu) paeg and not paek because it's just a more throat based sound to say pac idk man. pae-keu is a hypothetical im losing it man i don't know anything anymore EDIT: okay i change my mind it's definitely 패크 over 팩 im so loopy from hyperfocus overload man EDIT EDIT: i can also see 팍 (pak) being used though that isn't how it sounds for us, i can see someone saying it that way in korean if they were to read it before hearing it and then go from there

french speaking creators:

antoine daniel: 안투완 단옐 (an-tu-wan dan-yel) in french the a's are long so 단 over 댄 is a guaranteed. the yel could be accentuated more but you get the point by now

aypierre: when french accent, 아이피에히, when english accent, 에이피에어 (a-i-pi-e-hi, e-i-pi-e-eo) (thank u anon for contributing 피에어 that makes much more sense)

baghera jones: one way is 바게라 전스 the other is 바길라 전스 (ba-ge-ra jeon-seu, ba-gil/gir-ra jeon-seu) a baGERa or bagEARa dilemma.....

etoiles: 에투왈 (e-tu-wal/war) no notes!

kameto: 카메토 (ka-me-to) no notes!

THERE!!!! IT'S DONE!!!! this was hard but i feel like i got most right. and when im wrong let's just say this was just hangul practice and not serious right guys, just practice round, right??? we don't take me so serious, right??? just stick fight with totem??? if you know korean especially the phonetics better than me which is NOT a high bar at all, you can step over that bar EASY, tell me a better way to write these thank u! smile :)

bonus round coming at you live from the morning after!!! some others that i thought "yeah let's include you"

im gonna be working on this on and off all day i think so don't be scared if someone isn't here chances are brain is doing something else but will add it later :)

cucurucho: 쿠쿠루쵸 (ku-ku-ru/lu-chyo) no notes!

walter bob: 월터 법 (weol/weor-teo beob) could also be 봅 (bob)

chayanne: 챠얀 (chya-yan) or 차얀 (cha-yan) no notes!

tallulah: 타룰라 (ta-lul-la) no notes!

ramon: 라몬 (ra-mon) or if you're pac you say 하몬 (ha-mon) heehee :)

dapper: 답퍼 (dab-peo) or possibly 답뻐 (dab-bbeo) but im not so sure about that one

leo / leonardo / leonarda: if you speak english it's 리오 (li-o) if you speak spanish it's 레오 (le-o), then add on 날도 (nar/nal-do) or 날다 (nar/nal-da) :)

richarlyson / richas: 리찰리손, 리차스 (ri-chal/char-li-son, ri-cha-seu) no notes!

pomme: 펌 (peom) or 폼 (pom) both work here!

trump: 트람프 or 트럼프, to make it trumpet change the 프 to 펫 (pet/ped)

tilin: 티린 (ti-lin/rin) no notes!

juanaflippa: 환나프리파 (hwan/huan-na-peu-li-pa)

bobby: 법비 (beob-bi) or 봅비 (bob-bi) both work here!

empanada: 엠파나다 (em-pa-na-da) no notes!

pepito: 페피토 (pe-pi-to) no notes!

sunny(sideup): 선니사읻엎 (seon-ni-sa-id-eop) this one works nicely because the 읻 bleeds into the 엎 and sounds like it's one full iddeop :) this one is an ending in ㅍ not ㅂ moment but i don't know how to explain why

[wangxianficfinder]

In the mood for...

Aug 26th

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1. hi, this is for itmf! pls rec me trans wangxian fics :3c no modern au tho pls, thank you!!

In Reflection, Truth by Shadaras (T, 55k, WangXian, WWX is summoned into a woman’s body, Canon-Typical Violence, Canon-Typical Gore, this is a story about being transgender, Dysphoria, Misogynistic Slurs, Ableist Language, it’s not slow burn if it’s going to be faster than canon, Trans Male Character, Trans wish fulfillment, Canon Divergence - Yunmeng Brothers Have A Real Conversation) has wwx reincarnated as a women and trans!lwj if i remember correctly

You might be able to find a few in our Trans Wangxian Compilation

The waters and the wild by SecretStorm (T, 62k, WIP, WangXian, Alternate Universe, Fairy Tale Elements, Pied Piper WWX, Trans LWJ, Many juniors, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Kid Fic, Sexual Tension) It's a wip that hasn't been updated in a few years, but really good! Trans LWJ in a canon-adjacent setting.

try author 🔒withbroombefore; they write a bunch of canon-era trans lan zhan and it's all *really good*

🔒 Water Sweeter by deliciousblizzardshark (E, 8k, WangXian, Historical, Rogue Cultivator WWX, Some kind of fairy or spirit or something LWJ, Intersex LWJ, Intersex Character, Fluff and Humor, Crack Treated Seriously, Thirst Trap WWX, Topping from the Bottom, WWX’s Canonical Cottage-core Fantasy, First Time, Domestic Fluff, Vaginal Sex)

hold her where you want her by damnslippyplanet (E, 6k, WangXian, Gender Changes, Trans Female LWJ, Female WWX, Burial Mounds Settlement Days)

scarcely trust my candid heart by Deastar (E, 6k, WangXian, A/B/O, Non-Traditional A/B/O Dynamics, Beta/Beta, Demisexual LWJ, Trans WWX, Fluff and Smut, Female WangXian, Partial Cisswap, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, poor LQR is just trying to be a supportive ace elder and doing a great job actually, too bad it goes right over his niece's head)

you can always find me here by ScarlettStorm (E, 15k, WangXian, Post-Canon, Getting Together, Genderswap, Cisswap, yes it's BOTH, trans woman LWJ, cis woman WWX, they're lesbians harold, the excuciating beauty of night hunting with your bestie, who you're very much in love with, and hoping they love you back, (spoiler: they do), First Time, Vaginal Fingering, Oral Sex, gratuitous descriptions of summer weather)

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2. Hi! This is for ITMF. I want a semi-serious (?) And slice-of-life fic. I dont know how to explain it. Just an example like WWX in his yiling laozu ers tells people in yiling that that person who sells talisman from yiling laozu is a fraud. And then it snowballed to people ask his service to banish monster or something and WWX reputation gets better. But the story focus on WWX everyday life like he make new inventation or trying to describe his cultivation. An example maybe something like Just as the Snow Melts by draechaeli or if a modern fic it is something like I Don't Want to Debut! By countingcr0ws or Anything For Wei Ying by panda_desu. Thanks! @idontknowwhattowriteforusername

Grave dirt by esama (T, 92k, WangXian, canon divergence, yiling wei sect au, demonic cultivation, farming, found family, pre-slash, politics, fix-it of sorts) is one that focuses on basically the life in burial mounds

🔒 the thread may stretch or tangle but it will never break by RoseThorne (E, 93k, WIP, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Soulmates, Self-Esteem Issues, Fix-It, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, PTSD, Handfasting, Panic Attacks, Getting Together, First Time, Aftercare, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, /Referenced Torture, Scars, Chronic Pain, Golden Core Reveal, First Time, Switching, sex-related injury, LWJ Stays at the Burial Mounds, LSZ is a Wèi, Good Sibling JC, Dissociation, Burial Mounds Settlement Days, Disability, Scheming NHS, Disabled Character)

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3. Hii!! for the next itmf can I please request some dark lwj?? sugar daddy vibes or just possessive lwj? i read a few mafia fics and I'm craving this trope a bit more now .thank you!!!

🔒 At heart by apathyinreverie (M, 36k, WangXian, WIP, Dark LWJ(Ish), Amnesia, WWX gets to be Not Okay after the BM, Hurt WWX, Recovery, Caring, Protective LWJ, Possessive LWJ, some definite manipulation, but not everything is as it seems, not nearly as dark as the tags make it sound, Canon Divergence, Golden Core Revea, Golden Core Transfer Fix-It, kind of, Domestic WangXian, Fluff, WWX Goes to Gusu, Possessive WWX, WWX happily atticwifing away, Sunshot Campaign, BAMF WWX, BAMF LWJ)

🔒 As good as by apathyinreverie (T, 6k, WangXian, LQR & WWX, Fix-It, Canon Divergence, not a good uncle LQR story, but also not not?, Golden Core Reveal, Kind Of, Golden Core Fix-It, Also kind of, Addiction, Manipulation, not between wangxian, just...War politics, Sunshot Campaign, Not As Dark As The Tags Make It Sound, Possessive LWJ, Protective LWJ, Tired WWX, Genius WWX, Dual Cultivation, LQR is too old for teenage drama, Developing Relationship)

golden when the day met the night by glitteringmoonlight (Not rated, 95k, slow burn, sugar daddy LWJ, light, angst, fluff, developing relationship, eventual smut, WIP)

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4. Hi! For any future I'm In The Mood For, i'm looking for Wangxian fics that are cozy, like being wrapped up in a warm hug. @emrinalex

crystalized by gusuvibes (M, 25k, WangXian, Modern, Bakery, Pining, Getting Together, Baker LWJ, Nurse WWX, OYZZ in a STARRING ROLE, Bunnies With Bad Names, Elaborate Descriptions of Delicious Baked Goods, Frottage, Eventual Smut, Sexy, Baking, Time) is all cafe, cakes and kisses

🔒 and in the spring i shed my skin by wvlfqveen (T, 11k, WangXian, Modern with Magic, Professors, Shapeshifter LWJ, Not Quite Necromancer WWX, Mutual Pining, WWX being an oblivious idiot, Fluff, Love Confessions, yunmeng trio, Family Feels, get JC therapy 2020, Kissing)

i’ll have you and you’ll have me by sundiscus (T, 5k, WangXian, Modern, Established Relationship, Marriage Proposal, fluff with a sprinkling of angst (for flavor), Podfic Available)

Love Cats by so_shhy series (T, 14k, WangXian, Modern, Meet-Cute, Fluff, WWX is wet and adorable in a tree, With a Cat, LWJ had no chance, Don't Try This At Home, First Dates, LWJ likes ducks, WWX does not like dogs, They just have a nice date, picnic dates, Falling In Love, LWJ is briefly less than graceful, there is a spider, but like barely there and totally harmless, LWJ Loves Rabbits, Office Party, LXC is a Good Big Brother, WWX is an excellent boyfriend, POV Outsider, they are in love the world is full of joy, Everything is Beautiful except for baby coots)

The Late Great Custody Debate by stiltonbasket (G, 9k, wangxian, JYL/JZX, LXC/NMJ, JC & WWX & JYL, modern, Domestic Fluff, baby a-yuan, Single Parent WWX, LWJ is a confused rabbit owner, nielan are married, nhs is: xoxo gossip girl, Custody Arrangements, engagement, Confused WWX, WWX voice: if i’m the one with the kid why are you suing ME for child support?, LWJ kills his own love life in the worst way, Happy Ending)

Pigtail Pulling by protos_metazu_ison (G, 3k, WangXian, Fluff and Humor, Crack Treated Seriously, Cloud Recesses Shenanigans)

Just Say Yes Series by edenwolfie (T/M, 338k, WangXian, Matchmaking, Pining, Getting Together, Canon Divergence, POV Alternating, Fluff, First Kiss, Declarations Of Love, Humor, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Good Uncle LQR, Engagement, Hurt/Comfort, Fix-It)

🔒 yearned for by spookykingdomstarlight (G, 3k, WangXian, LXC & LWJ, Future Fic, Pining, Rabbits, Fluff, Kissing, Family)

If your heart is in your dream (No request is too extreme) by Spodumene (G, 1k, WangXIan, LWJ's Birthday, Fluff, Modern Setting)

Oh, your love is sunlight by feyburner (M, 9k, WangXian, Drabble Collection, Tags specified in each chapter, But it's all pretty soft and goofy)

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5. I love your blog so much! It helps me find fics i sometimes unknowingly overlook, so...thank you so much! Itmf fics in Lan Wangji's POV, any AU works but if its canonverse, may I request it be novel or donghua canon please? Also have another request for wangxian recs...jealous Lan Wangji because Lan Xichen flirted with/dated/fucked Wei Wuxian in the past (could be a rumour but I'd prefer him to have heard/seen it happen and decide he wants Wei Wuxian for himself)...any AU!

🔒 The Price of Old Wishes by SoManyJacks (E, 67k, WangXian, Minor canon divergence, Angst, POV LWJ, Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, Slow Burn, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, semi-verbal!LWJ, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Suicide) Retelling of the novel from LWJ's pov

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6. hii this is for itmf!! modern au or not but just anything where wwx gets pregnant with lwj's child and runs away for whatever reason without lwj knowing that they have a child together and then years after they will have a reunion and the big reveal. I just love tropes like this and idk what tags i have to place to get these results (so if anyone can kindly guide me on what tags are the best to look for these fics, i will be so grateful!!) Thank you!!!

The Winner Takes It All by YilingSani (M, 46k, WangXian, Modern AU, Single Parent WWX, Old Friends, One Night Stands, No Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, PTSD, Panic Attacks, Forgiveness, Second Chances, Inspired by Mamma Mia! (Movies) Teen Pregnancy, Mpreg, mention of miscarriage, Birth Trauma, amniotic fluid embolism) Both feature Wei Ying leaving because he's led to believe that Lan Zhan wants nothing to do with him.

All The Years Lost by UseMyMuse (T, 26k, WangXian, Teen Pregnancy, Angst with a Happy Ending, Single Parent AU, Forced misunderstandings, Forced miscommunication, Mpreg) Both feature Wei Ying leaving because he's led to believe that Lan Zhan wants nothing to do with him.

Family Pictures (Or: “Mark Rothko is very, very dead, Wei Ying.”) by belleweather (M, 37k, WangXian, Kid Fic, Post Mpreg, Modern AU, Cindarella Story, Mistaken Identity, Mistaken for Being in a Relationship, art conservator lwj, idiot WWX, (he gets better slowly), shockingly little actual sex omg what happened to me, fake/mistaken cheating, no actual infidelity)

Nothing but your heart by airinshaw (E, 21k, WangXian, Modern AU, A/B/O Dynamics, Implied Mpreg, First Time, Getting Together, Angst and Drama, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anal Sex, Whump, Breeding Kink)

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7. Hello, for itmf id like ask for work in modern premises where lxc and others accidentally or semi intentionally killed wwx and conspired to never talk about it. Lwj is relentless in searching for wwx. Canon period is ok if there is no canon conflict as the reason @best-before-end

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8. Hi! For the ITMF, I wanted to ask if there are any fics where WWX died at the end of the war? I don't know if it's hc or canon but I keep having the thought that he didn't expect to survive the war without a core. I was wondering how it would have been if WWX over did it or something and died. I'm looking specifically for him dying at the end when the sun shot campaign isn't hindered by it, I suppose. Thanks to everyone in advance! @hikato-chan

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9. heyo! can you rec me a canon compliant/canon divergence wangxian fic that

A) has one of them explore his sexuality, identity, all that good stuff

B) has both of them explore the above together

basically i just want fics where wangxian explores and accepts their own queerness and sexualities and it's a verh lovely time, hehe

~*~

10. Itmf fics that highlight how sweet wen ning is, and his friendship with wwx. (Also any sweet-yet-badass wen ning stories, esp if wen ning gets the recognition he deserves, with a good title/respect etc.)

~*~

11. For the next imtf, can you recommend me some of your favorite non English FFs on Ao3

I’m sorry, Good bye by NHaraki (M, 35k, WWX/WRH, WIP, Jiang Family Bashing, Time Travel Fix-It, YZY Bashing) I translated it via Google Chrome and it was fine. It's an WWX/WRH fic where WWX returns to his childhood after the Siege. Stuff happens, YZY throws him into the burial mounts and WRH finds him. It's a lot of healing and hiding WWX. Found family. WC is raised better. It's adorable

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12. I recently finished reading a wangxian fic told from Jingyi's POV and in that post-canon fic, everyone loves and lusts for wei wuxian to the point many believe its not even possible for his original body to have been better in terms of attractiveness. So itmf of wangxian fics with like...sorta similar premise in the way everyone loves/lusts for/is awed by wei wuxian to the point of hero-worshipping/using him as a standard for future spouse, etc. Lots of wei wuxian swooning and sighing about not finding someone better than him and so on please!

~*~

13. any truth spell/potion fics for itmf? as long as it’s not a sad ending i’m game for anything involving the truth being revealed in some manner like this!

🔒 in the shadow of moonlit flowers by Reverie (cl410) (T, 56k, wangxian, LXC/NMJ, Cloud Recesses, LWJ & NHS Friendship, Developing Relationship, POV LWJ, Minor Injuries, Autistic LWJ, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, aka the Madam Yu warning, Genius WWX, Light Angst And Hurt/Comfort, WWX Protection Squad, Gusu Lan Sect, Slow Burn, Protective LWJ, LWJ-centric) is not quite the ask but its about lwj who can tell lie apart from truth because of a spell his mother gave him

the breaking of your soul (upon my lips) by sunsandships (M, 40k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Fix-It, Mutual Pining, Golden Core Reveal, Happy Ending) Not sure if these fit for 13, but Wei Wing develops a talisman to trace curses back to their caster

The Fire Lapping Up the Creek by notevenyou (E, 66k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Hurt/Comfort, Canon-Typical Violence, Injury, Injury Recovery, Blood, Respiratory Illness, Major Illness, Fever, Grief/Mourning, Burial Mounds, Angst with a Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Hunger and food scarcity, Surgery, Fix-It of Sorts) Not sure if these fit for 13, but Wei Wing develops a talisman to trace curses back to their caster

when you’re doing all the leaving (then it’s never your love lost) by tardigradeschool (T, 26k, wangxian, canon divergence, hurt/comfort, canon-typical violence, sharing clothes, sharing a bed, fix-it, golden core transfer) Not sure if these fit for 13, but Wei Wing develops a talisman to trace curses back to their caster

All Things Belong by kuroi_atropos (M, 65k, WRH & WWX, wangxian, WN & WWX, Wen WWX, abuse, whipping, manipulations, smart WWX, possessive behavior, implied/Referenced rape/non-con, past rape/non-con, WIP) Wei Ying develops a way to show blood relations/family members

And Time Is But a Paper Moon by sami (M, 138k, WangXian, XiChengQing, Time Travel, Fix-It, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Healing, Mental Health Issues, PTSD, Hurt/Comfort, Depression, BAMF WWX, BAMF JC, BAMF LWJ, BAMF JYL, Getting Together) Wei Ying develops a way to show blood relations/family members

Debts of a Child Part 2 by Hauntcats (M, 111k, WangXian, YZY Bashing, Not Jiang Family Friendly, Angst and Feels, lots of anger, JC Bashing, not Jiang friendly, Angst with a Happy Ending, Content warning for icky spiders in later chapters., hurt no comfort for Jiang siblings.) Wei Ying develops a way to show blood relations/family members

🔒 this body yet survives by RoseThorne (T, 57k, WangXian, WIP, No War AU, Recovery, Trauma, Dissociation, Courtship, Courting Rituals, Near Death Experiences, Attempted Murder, Eventual Happy Ending, Panic Attacks, Vomiting, Siblings, Protective Siblings, Soup, Triggers, Protective LWJ, Protective LQR, Yúnmèng Siblings Dynamics, Bad Parent YZY, POV Third Person, POV LWJ, reference to poisoning, reference to assassination, Reference to chronic illness, reference to infanticide, Depression, Minor Injuries, Painting, Gift Giving, WWX Has a Fear of Dogs, Good Sibling JC, Good Sibling JYL, BAMF WWX,, Jealous SS, WWX Protection Squad) Wei Ying develops a way to show blood relations/family members

~*~

14. Looking for a fic where it’s like “we just did something super duper gay what happened”

~*~

15. I always see fics about people falling for lan wangji’s cold beauty but for the next itmf, do you have any fics for people are crushing on wei wuxian for his looks or charms? it can be existing characters or ocs, idm!

Endgame wangxian though, please!

~*~

16. Hello! ITMF Jin Guangshan surviving until Wei Wuxian comes back to life, so that Wei Wuxian can take revenge/get justice from Jin Guangshan himself. Thank you!

~*~

17. Based on one of Kay's commentaries on a fic rec, I was wondering if anyone had any fics that put Wei Wuxian through an "emotional blender" lmao.

Silenced by Tasharene (M, 63k, WangXian, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, PTSD, Temporary Blindness, Aversion to touch, Fear of crowds, Panic Attacks, Post-Canon, WWX Whump, Hurt WWX, Whump, Angst with a Happy Ending, world-class troll LXC, see the archive Warnings BEFORE you accuse me of not tagging things!!!) warning- ALOT of angst like alot lot but its a happy ending

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If you didn’t get an answer to your ask here, don’t forget to make use of @mdzs-kinkmeme and MDZS KINK MEME on Dreamwidth. Authors actually do use them for ideas. You may get what you order!***Your prompt doesn’t have to be kink! Fluff, crack, whatever - it’s all good!***

[knchins]

Heat of the Night - Tighnari

Summary:  Unable to leave for solitude in the forest, Tighnari finds himself unable to resist the thing he wants most: you.

Pairing: Tighnari x Reader

Reader Type: AFAB - gender neutral

Rating: E+

Word Count: 2.1k

Kinktober Prompt: Breeding + Yandere

Warnings: Tighnari is a virgin (reader is not), heat/mating cycle, yandere/obsessive behavior, mild dubcon, masturbation, a lil voyeurism, cunnilingus, some overstimulation, premature ejaculation, multiple orgasms, lots of cum, cream pies, breeding (obvs), scratching/biting/marking, a lil blood, brief mention of pregnancy

Kinktober Masterlist

Tighnari knew better than to be anywhere near Gandharva Ville whenever that time of year came around. For two months he stayed mostly deep in the forest, only returning to the village whenever it was absolutely necessary to resupply. Even then he returned only in the still of the night when everyone was sleeping with the exception of the select few that were keeping watch. 

This year was different. Collei had fallen ill and he knew his duty was to stay near her, making sure her symptoms were alleviated to the best of his ability. After all, he was the only one in the ville that could treat her properly. At least that was what he had believed. 

You had been the latest addition, a young botanist that wished to learn from who they felt were the best in Sumeru. Tighnari didn't take well to flattery, but he didn't hate it either. Long days and nights in the forest together had undoubtedly formed a bond between the two of you. A bond Tighnari himself didn't quite understand. You were a quick learner and didn’t ask too many silly questions. He found himself enjoying teaching you about the various plants and wildlife of the rainforest.

The heat cycle wasn't always as predictable as he would have liked to admit. Usually, he could sense it in the back of his mind. He would become gradually more irritable. Being around others would be more difficult as his time grew near. His sense of smell increased, his fur always felt on edge, and the way his cock was constantly getting excited by any sliver of skin he saw were all signs that it was time for him to leave for his solo excursion. 

But that would mean leaving you behind too.

Tighnari never had a target for his affections before. In fact, he was mostly solitary when it came to romance or mating. Truth be told he had no desire to find a mate or even lose his virginity. He was content with this way of life, even if it did make things difficult when he was in heat. After all, if he had someone to drill his cock into day and night for hours on end, then he'd have no need to leave the ville in search of solitude. 

Before his usual symptoms cropped up, he felt something entirely different. A deep seeded need to be inside of you. How many times had he followed you into the forest to spy, saying he was just trying to make sure you were safe? How many times did he take the night watch just to be able to pass by your tent and watch you sleep? When did he start to feel hot rage whenever you gave anyone else your attention? 

He didn't know. He couldn't fathom what this behavior meant. Mating was such a permanent decision to bestow upon someone he'd only known for half a year. It wasn’t as if pregnancy just went away after the heat had finally died down. 

It wasn't something he could just bring up in casual conversation either. At night he couldn't sleep and during the day concentrating on anything other than your scent, your smile, your body was completely impossible. 

He knew his behavior was becoming unacceptable as Collei’s Eleazar symptoms only grew worse. He should leave. Staying here was dangerous for not only himself but for you as well. The desire to protect you from everyone, including himself was almost too much to take. He had to stay strong, he had to resist, he had to make sure you were okay… 

Tighnari threw the blanket off of himself and peeked out of his tent, trying to see if any of the night watchers was outside. He listened closely, kept his nose to the oncoming wind, and his ears pricked. He found the nearest person wouldn't able to sense or see him from their distance. 

His hands shook with need. Despite the cooler air, he was sweating from the heat that shook him. He pressed his tongue against one of his fangs, hoping the pain and taste of blood would distract him long enough to keep his head straight. 

He was mistaken. 

As soon as the wind shifted and he smelled something utterly divine did he lose all possible control. It was sweeter than a sunsetta, more potent than any flowering plant he'd ever come across. The unmistakable scent of arousal that most certainly wasn't his own had him salivating so much that he had to constantly swallow to keep from drooling. 

His cock sprung to attention in his loose-fitting pants. He crept closer to your tent, peering inside to see you knuckle deep in your own pussy, working yourself over as his name whimpered off your lips. 

Before this moment, Tighnari had never experienced what one would call love. Now, unable to stop himself, he wrenched open the flap that covered the entryway and you let out a surprised squeak of embarrassment after seeing who it was that just entered your tent. 

Your eyes had already acclimated to the dark and you could tell it was Tighnari's frame in the entryway. You couldn't help but notice that he didn't seem quite himself. Was he angry that you were trying to cum using fantasies you thought of about him fucking you? Disappointed? Was he going to kick you out of the village? 

"Tigh-" he was on top of you before you could finish, face between your legs and nose against your swollen clit as he inhaled deeply. He had no control over his actions, his baser instinct taking over as he dared to taste the honey-like slick that coated your lower lips. 

Was there a word stronger than addiction? Tighnari felt as if he'd never lived before tasting you for the very first time. He could feel himself throbbing in his thin linen pants as he feverishly lapped at your core and clit, nearly rubbing them raw with his tongue as you put a hand over your mouth to muffle the cries spilling from them. 

His claws were digging into the soft flesh of your thighs, keeping them anchored in place in a way that would have bruises blossoming. You had already been so close to climax, so on edge that his sloppy use of his mouth was enough to have you spasming and jerking beneath him as you reached your first high.

It rolled over you in thick waves, your mind weary as you tried to figure out what in the hell just happened. Had you fallen asleep? Was this another wet dream? You had never cum like that before in a dream. 

Tighnari didn't stop, he was still latched onto you, licking you dry as if his life depended on it. "Tighnari- ah! - Stop!" You whimpered as he sent you into overstimulation. The abuse of your clit is almost painful. He didn't seem to hear you, prompting you to reach down and tug on one of the long ears that you had wished to touch since the first time you laid eyes on him. It was softer than you imagined, feeling almost like velvet on your fingertips. 

The sound that erupted from him was heavenly, the needy growl that had him leaning into your hand briefly before flipping you over onto your stomach. "Have to-" He panted, his thoughts not making much sense anymore as he felt almost sick with a fever. "Breed you." 

The words hit you like a freight train, your pussy clenching at the thought of him filling you with his cum, having his cute fox-eared kits, being bound to him forever through one simple act of sex. It wasn't as if you hadn't dreamt of it for countless nights. Tighnari may have been oblivious to your desires but now it seemed that he had shared them all along. 

You balled your hands into fists, the sheets bunching up between your fingers as you arched your back and spread your knees slightly to present yourself to him fully. Unashamed at the display as you heard him let out a string of almost unintelligible curses. 

There was a shuffling of clothing as Tighnari pulled his still throbbing penis from his pants. He hissed at his own touch, having never felt quite this sensitive before. Pre-cum had stained his pants and had spread over his head while he had been devouring your juices and becoming intoxicated with your sweet scent.

He pressed his tip to your hole before effortlessly sliding in, gasping at the tight dampness that was your core. Your walls sucked him in deep, his head nearly kissing your cervix as he started to rut into you with desperation. Your moans sound like soothing bells to his ears as he felt an entirely new sensation of having his dick wrapped securely by pussy.

It was too much for him, he was too lost in the movement as he shot his first load inside of you. Disappointment shot through you as the fear that he was finished already struck. Certainly, a few pumps of his cock wasn't all it took to get him off?

Tighnari was too out of it to be embarrassed. His cock was still hard as he continued to pound into you, his claws digging into the flesh of your hips as he leaned over you to latch onto the back of your neck. His fangs pierced you and he basked in the way the pain made your slick walls flutter around him. 

"Tighnari" Your voice came out as a whimper. He was swift and agile, the angle absolutely perfect as his pace someone managed to increase. Your eyes rolled back as your head turned slightly to give him better access to your neck. 

It was loud, the sound of his balls slapping against your cunt. You were sure your neighbors and the night watch could easily hear the two of you. It wasn't as if either of you were being particularly quiet. Tighnari's low growls and grunts every time you clenched around him were practically bouncing off the tent’s thin walls. 

He wanted them to know who you belong to, wanted you to sing his name with that beautiful voice of yours. Your cries needed to be heard by everyone in the village so they'd know better than to even look in your direction again. 

TIghnari came once more, painting your walls and injecting your cervix with his seed. He still didn't stop, relentless and feral as he lapped at the small dots of blood around your neck. 

Your body quaked with a second orgasm that erupted shortly after his own. You sang his name again as your back arched. One of his hands moved off your hip and traveled up your shirt to pinch the hardened nipple of your right breast. 

Soon, he thought, soon they'd be so much bigger, so full of milk for his offspring. Exhaustion was creeping up on him as his thrusts became more half-hearted. He simply humped lazily until he came a third time. Your chest had collapsed onto the bed, trapping his hand as he nuzzled the space between your shoulder blades. 

Your body continued to twitch beneath him, walls changing from squeezing to relaxing intermittently. Semen was dripping down both your and Tighnari's legs. It covered his pants, likely to harden and stain sometime between now and morning. 

Tighnari kneaded your breast still, enjoying the softness of your skin. Slowly his senses started to come back to him. The lustful haze that had overwhelmed him was dissipating and the revelation of what he had done was starting to creep in and overtake him. 

His hips stopped, though he was almost certain he could probably cum again if he really wanted to. He finally pulled away from you and gobs of his white seed dripped from your core like thick honey. With his keen eyesight, he could see the scratches and bite marks that covered your hips and neck. A frown etched across his lips as he watched you heave with heavy breaths, still coming down from your own intense high. 

He murmured your name softly, an apology somewhere hidden in the sound. This was the first time he had ever lost control like that. The first time he had ever acted like a complete animal. Inside he was scolding himself, telling himself that he should have left sooner. He should have left Collei's care to you instead as he stayed far, far away from you.

And regret, regret in the thought that this could have possibly never happened was somehow more painful than having done the act itself. Sensing his troubled thoughts, you managed to roll over back onto your back after having finally caught your breath. 

The soft smile on your face came as a relief. At least you weren't mad at what he had done to you, though he was sure you didn't know exactly what your coming together just now had meant. Even now he found himself speechless, unable to tell you that...

Foxes mate for life.

[orcelito]

Ok I'm thinking about kabuto backstory again and thinking about how unfair and fucked up it all is like

> be Danzo

> threaten local orphanage mother into returning to being a spy (by threatening the kids there)

> force them to send One Kid too because he "lost a man" while obtaining the intel he's threatening her to spy over (the kid is Kabuto, who volunteered bc he overheard them threatening the mother over this) (Danzo knows he overheard)

> train kabuto to be a spy while orphanage mother is off on her long spy job as well

> bait spy mom with the promise of keeping kabuto safe to keep her agreeing to work with you

> decide they both are too good at their jobs (????) Of being spies (that work for you?????)(they've been loyal this whole time????) So they're too dangerous and both need to die

> keep mom and kid away from each other as kid grows up

> literally DOCTOR FAKE PHOTOS of the kid growing up to make it seem like he looks totally different now???? So she won't recognize him?????

> give her the assassination assignment of killing the Real Kabuto (who she won't recognize) so they'll kill each other

> whoops, Kabuto survived and killed her instead, oh well at least Orochimaru's watching him now

I'm just like. How fucked up is it to threaten these people into working as spies for you "for the good of Konoha", and then decide that these people (who have given NO INDICATION of intending to betray Konoha) are too good at being spies and thus Too Dangerous and should be killed for it. But no he can't just kill them in a normal way. He had to manufacture an entire scenario so that they'd kill EACH OTHER while making the mom not recognize him (with the express purpose of breaking the kid's spirit) like BROOOOOO I know you ordered the whole Uchiha clan to be massacred (conducting genocide for the sake of 'peace') actually now that I think about it he ordered this of itachi. Ordered him to kill his own family. Of course Danzo would get off on making a mother and son kill each other "for the good of Konoha" he's almost fucking cartoon villain level of horrible past the point of logic EXCEPT there really are people this awful that have existed. Plenty of them. And they have also justified it as being "for the good of [nation]" like that's the Thing, he's a war hungry nationalist that has decided He Knows Best so he's going to fuck up SO many people's lives, up to and including his own damn citizens!!!! And this bitch thinks he deserves to be kage?!?!?! Fucking Hiruzen letting him run wild like this. He knew Danzo was stealing children and indoctrinating them into a murder cult (where, keep in mind, he purposefully raises kids in pairs so they view each other as family AND THEN ORDERS THEM TO KILL EACH OTHER)(AGAIN!!!! with the family killing, what is his PROBLEM) but Hiruzen just let it fucking happen. Spineless fucking piece of shit. He fucked Naruto up he fucked Orochimaru up he fucked up Royally with Danzo like come ONNNNNNNNNN

Rattling the bars of my cage rn at how awful Danzo is and how he was able to just. DO THIS???? I know the bitch is dead but he's not dead enough. Give me the glock.

[sgiandubh]

Señorita Nothingburger

🎶When you see her, say a prayer /And kiss your heart arse goodbye 🎶

Lauren 2.0. Wow: after The Paid Companion, The Wannabe. Unlike the first round of revelations, this time the output has been totally disappointing. Very few things and zero context, which I have to say I was totally expecting, because it didn't exactly fit the agenda being pushed by Marple (amen!). Lightning never strikes the same place twice, right? And then, we had The Follow - a very interesting foolish, yet telling move: but on this, a bit further down the road, mind you.

So, let's ask ourselves along with La Ciccone: '¿Quién es esa niña?' For once, his IG follow has been very explicit:

Leading whoever to this account...

Elix Wellness is offering a very specific range of treatments, of which the one for hangovers really got me interested:

And yeah, even if I have apparently been scooped out by Marple on this one (my bad for sitting on it for a day), shamelessly using my patented methods (that is a lame joke), Lauren 2.0's LinkedIn account is, for once, very clear:

Her contract as a Travel RN was over by August 2023, as pointed out across the street:

And then she decided to go independent and open her own company. So, by far not a hooker - decent education, even, at NYU.

Lo and behold, who had Ibuprofen in his hotel room, in May 2023, when they were spotted on that NY Soho terrace, having lunch (didn't we laugh? you bet we did, it was one of my first posts in this fandom!)? S, of course. Hangovers could use both ibuprofen and a good IV cleansing treatment ( see above - such a common offering in that particular town, soon to be out of fashion - but hey: if she believes it can bring money, not my problem).

But... dating her? Not a chance in hell. You see, just a cursory survey of her IG account between the moment her contract as a Travel Registered Nurse was over and the moment her company started to be active, reveals a very busy Mediterranean summer, hitting all the possible cliches:

Before ending that contract, even, some days in Paris with her real interest, (again) checking all the tourist/romantic tropes you can imagine, from dining at the Au pied de cochon restaurant to having a quick macaron bite in the Luxembourg Gardens...

... then off to Paros, a posh island Greek destination, very much in vogue with the creative crowd, followed by (we are talking mandatory island hopping, here) Mykonos (unapologetically posh and very expensive, LGBTQ+ friendly destination - also beloved by the glam and glitz crowd)

Oh, hello Soho Roc House, part of the Soho Houses network - rings a bell? What a small world, really.

... a couple of days in Rome, followed by some quality family time (Mom and Pop, at a minimum) in Puglia, then Croatia (again, the glam crowd of Hvar island), back to Paris for a girls' trip (Montmartre, the Eiffel Tower and a couple other spots in the Marais and around the Rue de Rivoli - cliche forever):

... then back in Rome for cacio e pepe pasta, Piazza Navona and the Pantheon oculus (artsy girl, told you), followed by Positano and Capri (with Mom and Dad, again). Nothing to write home about, but still trying to sell herself as an up and coming influencer of sorts, perhaps.

Nowhere near S for the entire 2023 Sassenach Summer Tour. How is this equating with dating, that is really beyond me. Seriously. For instance, just before the second sighting, in NYC (June 10, 2023), she was having fun in the Algarve region and Lisbon (of course, Portugal). Probably posted those pics upon her return to NYC:

Dating? More like convenient pretext. He knew people would hang around that hotel (fans, autograph hunters, etc), especially during OL promo peak time. And he knew someone will take that pic, which was then conveniently placed in *urv's lap, for lengthy talks and more innuendo. Just as the first sighting was conveniently placed in Marple's inbox, to see if topic garners interest and sticks around/can be reused for further shits and giggles. Innuendo and nothing more would be my best bet: neither *urv, nor Marple had ANY positive idea about who she was, back at the time.

And now, the third drop was again placed in Marple's inbox, because attention had to be redirected to this particular gossip topic, in rather dire circumstances following Lauren 1.0.

And for your information, she does not follow S and he does not follow her. But he follows her newly opened joint: hangovers are a bitch, I know.

Why? I think it is clear enough why.

Who dunnit? I will let you draw your own conclusions, really. Again, it is rather plain to see. My belief is that this is not TPTB. And for once, I do not think he met her via Raya. Nope.

I took one for the team and listened to that podcast (if you are very foolish or brave or foolishly brave, you can do the same here: https://youtu.be/vBmcnhe2kwg?si=rRu5YCLHS3eZhuFs ). I mean, what is WRONG with those women? That is legit 14 year old bullshit talk about relationships (or the immature impossibility to have a satisfying one). They essentially explain in that podcast they have trouble decoding 'the man' in some relationships and the way they play out. I was laughing so violently my abs (or lack of them) hurt. At some point, I even thought it was some sort of sophisticated second degree, but NO (#cringe).

Also, I think I should be burning my pineapple pajama summer pants. Seriously. If you listen to the whole bullshit, you'll see there is no damn way to substantiate anything based on that. Zero connection.

[taro-pdf]

Humans are space oddities: exploring disability, communication, and humanity’s job in space (minimal ableism!)

Humans fill various roles in the broader universe. They work jobs from pet to protection, depending on the client. For the vast majority of beings, humans' adaptability and generalist lifestyle was feared. 

Kell was lucky to be born on a human-claimed world and they were even luckier to have parents who supported them. It wasn’t going to be easy working with non-human crewmates, but at least their parents found them a safe ship to start on. 

When they arrived at the dock, a tall, winged creature stood waiting for them.

“Hello,” it greeted in ASL. Kell looked at them in surprise. ASL? From a non-human? “I’m N-O-X, Nox, moth cryptid, she/her/any. My friend signed me up to be your translator for this trip, since it’s your first time.” Having less fingers than Kell, it was a challenge for them to read her finger spelling, but not impossible.

“Nice to meet you. I’m K-E-L-L, Kell, human, they/them, they replied. I didn’t realize I would be getting a translator.”

“I didn’t either, but I’m always up for something new. Come aboard!” Nox turned and walked onto the ship. Kell followed, bemused. 

On board, Kell’s glasses transcribed spoken Universal Interplanetary Language into scrolling text, but Nox’s translations got the tone across in a way that spoken language wouldn’t be able to. With her help, they were able to easily ask and answer questions, and their crewmates had a lot of questions!

“What do you specialize in? All the captain said was you’d be working with Janmia,” asked a tuscian. 

“Have you seen your lodgings yet? I printed out some human decorations for you, such as the human fruit: pineapple!” said a yuto.

“Do humans usually speak with their hands?” asked a creature that Kell didn’t recognize. All they could tell was it was quadruped. 

“Not all of us, but some can. What was your name again?” they prompted.

“I didn’t tell you. I’m Seva, bromid, she/her. My kind greets each other by exchanging scent signatures, but humans can’t do that so let me at least smell you.” Seva didn’t wait for an invitation to stick her nose way too close. 

“You can say no, you know?” A human leaned over Kell’s shoulder, their words appearing on Kell’s glasses. 

“Ok, then no thanks, Seva!” Kell backed up as Nox translated. Seva hesitated but the new human glared and she backed off.

“Hey, what’s up with the hands?” the human walked around to see Kell’s face better.

Why was a human of all beings so judgemental? Kell grimaced, but replied, “I’m Deaf, it’s sign language. Nox is helping me now, but I’ll text with coworkers when she’s not here.” 

The human looked at Nox as she spoke, then at his watch transcribing her words.

“I can’t hear her vocalizations, but my watch picks it up,” they explained. “I didn’t realize she signed.” Nox flattened her ears and said something else to them; they rolled their eyes and turned to Kell.

“She’s always telling me what to do. But yeah, I need to introduce myself. Prak, human, he/they. I’m the main security on this ship.”

“Kell, human, they/them,” Kell offered. “I didn’t realize humans were actually a thing in the security industry. I’m here as an engine and turbine technician.”

“Our durability makes us pretty good at the job. I didn’t realize humans ever were not involved with security.” Prak glanced at his watch as a message popped up on screen. “Anyways, gotta go. Welcome aboard I guess.” He turned and walked into the crew sleeping area.

Even though Kell couldn’t see them, his words still were transcribed by Kell’s glasses. And from Nox’s startled posture, she heard it too.

“FUCK! Who printed out a pineapple???”

Notes: Kell, Nox, and Prak are all OCs of mine and I wanted to put them in space! Kell was created for this HaSO story and I feel like I haven’t wrote about them in forever.  Prak was made off a prompt that said to make an OC who hates pineapple and won’t tell anyone why (it’s partially because a pineapple killed his father, shh…). He left earth to avoid them.  I need to figure out the timeline of how all my OCs meet because it’s a bit convoluted.