#have this ability to see each other's worst flaws and go 'i love you anyway'

[tempestmothstorm]

I’m thinking about the whole "you are not your feelings" theme the side stories have and how that contrasts with the main game

Like the two talks in reflection where Sayori and Monika tell the others about how their emotions don’t have to define who they are and don’t make them bad people. This theme of singular traits not defining who you are/not controlling who you want to be is backed up by the rest of the side stories, which exist to show how the characters are multifaceted and human. They aren’t tropes or defined solely by their thoughts or actions. They aren’t perfect nor pure evil, only people trying their best. They’re real, complex people, and the ‘you are not your feelings’ phrase is proof of that.

The side stories’ goal of presenting these characters as human go directly against a ~certain someone’s~ goal of flattening and dehumanizing them in the main game. Its clear Monika here doesn’t really learn the ‘you are not your feelings’ thing in this world, something that happens with a lot of the lessons learned in the side stories (i.e. the ones in each title). Due to the whole disillusionment with reality thing, her attitude to the rest of the club is pretty dismissive, seeing them as one-dimensional characters tropes, making whatever flaws they have as their defining trait.

I'm going to focus on the CANYOUHEREME.txt though cause it pretty easily sums up her feelings so I'm just gonna put it here

Beneath their manufactured perception - their artificial reality - is a writhing, twisted mess of dread. Loathing. Judgment. Elitism. Self-doubt. All thrashing to escape the feeble hold of their host, seeping through every little crevice they can find. Into their willpower, starving them of all motivation and desire. Into their stomach, forcing them to drown their guilt in comfort food. Or into a newly-opened gash in their skin, hidden only by the sleeves of a cute new shirt. Such a deplorable, tangled mass is already present in every single one of them. That's why I choose not to blame myself for their actions.

All I did was untie the knot.

This poem is interesting because it does make them out to be more human compared to the anime tropes Monika says they are in the act 3 talks, but replaces the empathy found in the side stories with disgust, painting the club as gross, immoral, and everything the girls fear themselves to be. Monika sees the stuff they hide, all the complex feelings and less savory traits, and sees it as their truth, their whole being. Their feelings define them, what they think is their worst is all they've ever been, and that these things make them awful people. When Monika forcibly brings these things to the forefront, it's their fault alone when act out, because their darkest thoughts are all they'll ever be.

She knows they’re more than that, but she’s actively in denial about how much she actually cares, and the epiphany absolutely destroyed her ability to see her friends as actually complex people beyond their programing.

I think that's part of why comparing her to side stories Monika messes me up so much because she's like!! So nice!!! Mature!!!! And understanding!!!!! And she sees her friends faults and all!!!!!! And she loves them anyways and understands their goodness!!!!!!!!!! But main game strips that away from her and makes her cynical!!!!!!!!!!!! And she can't see the goodness in her friends anymore because they aren't real and they're scripts made to appeal to a dumb dating sim and she!!!!!!!!!!! Can't see them as people anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So their flaws turn into THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

. . . And that concludes today's Monika analysis.

[transselkie]

Ok, I'll bite: Hilda/Claude/Lorenz, what's their deal? (I enjoyed FE3H a lot! Played all the routes, though it's been a while, and the only pairings I still have any attachment to are Felix/Annette and Annette/Mercedes...)

Thank you so much for asking, I’m sorry for the wait. My first two attempt at this ended up being five/six page essays. I have been. Trying to whittle it down.

The core fundamental is that I genuinely believe the three of them bring out the best in each other, are capable of challenging each other in ways that are necessary, and ultimately balance each other out. Explanation under the cut.

Politics is incredibly important to both Claude and Lorenz, and the three of them are good for each other politically. And not just because of crests or titles.

Lorenz and Claude challenge each other politically in necessary ways for their own growth and success.

Lorenz holds Claude accountable for the decisions he tries to make behind closed doors.

Claude shows Lorenz that the belief system he’s been raised in is fundamentally flawed and broke.

Hilda’s interpersonal skills make her a good diplomat to balance the boys out.

She shares Claude’s ability to manipulate others through charisma but is less willing to go to nefarious places with it. When Claude gets lost in the gambit she can reel him back in.

She’s genuinely liked and trusted by her peers in all the areas that Lorenz fails struggles with.

They’re basically fluent in different languages. Claude can talk strategy, Lorenz can talk nobility, Hilda can talk people.

Interpersonally, they understand and benefit one another.

Claude hides behind a mask of charisma to feign the illusion of openness yet despite his best attempts Hilda and Lorenz see him holistically.

Hilda/Claude A support - Hilda: “If you understand me so well, maybe it's because you're no different. When you smile or laugh, it's not sincere. I can tell. I've only seen you genuinely smile a handful of times.” 

Lorenz sees him for all his worst qualities first (lying, scheming, deceitful) and yet still ultimately concludes that he’s a good and moral man worthy of his position.

Claude doesn’t want anyone to see behind the mask because the mask is an armour protecting him from a world that wants him dead. But both of them look him directly in the eyes and tell him I see you, I see all of you, even the things that you don’t want seen, and I’m standing by your side anyway.

And again, they keep him grounded.

Hilda hides behind her charisma and lazy persona to keep other peoples expectations of her at bay. Claude and Lorenz both help her thrive past her fear of disappointment.

Claude sees right through her act (see A support)

She’s his second in command. If she dies he says every strategy he had was planned around her survival. He understands where her strengths and interests intersect and utilizes them. And she seems to take genuine pride in that work.

Lorenz doesn’t see through her but he values her and encourages her anyway. She’s literally playing him but his response is just so genuine she starts matching his effort anyway without even intending to. She is used to being treated like a liability, but he never treats her that way.

Left to their own devices the boys will work themselves to an early grave and forget to have a life without politics. Hilda will not let that happen.

Lorenz was raised to be a nationalist and taught to believe that he alone had the skills to, basically, make the Alliance great again. Literally, his father had the only known heir murdered to help him advance to the Dukedom. He has some shit to unlearn and they were here to help him unlearn it.

Canonically, Claude’s mere existence and proximity to him helps Lorenz unlearn and re-evaluate his fathers teachings. And while its not his responsibility to educate there’s no way Mr. I-Want-To-Tear-Down-The-Walls-That-Divide-Us isn’t readily doing so on purpose.

Hilda, on paper, should not make a good noble and yet everyone loves her and hates him. He will question why, and he will realize   that his restrictive worldview caused him to miss both of their best qualities.

Seeing them succeed interpersonally will show him he’s been wrong and encourage him to grow and change. And when he does, they will be there to celebrate him. 

That pathway accomplishes all the things I’ve already spoken about - Lorenz realizes his belief system is flawed, and Claude and Hilda have love and support offered to them through the parts of them they see as most unlovable.

He is the only member of this trio that is actually being open and honest with others. He might be lying to himself but he will tell you exactly what he’s thinking. And he’s going to hold the others to his standards of honesty too.

I genuinely believe they’d all be best friends. 

It’s honestly harder to argue that Claude and Hilda aren’t canonically really good friends. Do I even need to defend their friendship.

Claude and Lorenz love a good debate/game of strategy. They might drive each other insane while at the academy but they’re intentionally meeting up for chess weekly minimum.

Hilda and Lorenz absolutely do tea dates and gossip. She’d find him so funny, and he wouldn’t know what to make of her but she’s fucking Hilda Valentine Goneril. 

❤️💛💜 BONUS! ❤️💛💜 

There’s also just so much humor and fun to be found with this dynamic. To display this, my peak academy dynamic for them is as follows:

Lorenz is convinced he’s living in a spy thriller. Claude is an Almyran spy and he is going to prove it.

Claude is a little intimidated by how close to the truth he is but Lorenz is just so pathetic he basically discredits himself. He’s Threat Lite. He needs to be watched but is mostly just a funny little guy to him. It’s a spy thriller to Lorenz but Loony Toons for Claude.

Claude and Hilda are just besties who are casually sleeping together. They gossip. It’s fun.

She’s also besties with Lorenz. They have tea and gossip and she thinks that whatever is wrong with him is so so fun.

I can not stress enough that this is just high school for her.

Lorenz however is ALSO living in an Austenian drama. He believes Claude and Hilda to be courting, a heart breaking reality as he has found himself falling for Hilda.

Hilda watches the boys play weirdly homoerotically charged games of chess like “omg you want to fuck each other so bad it makes you both look pathetic”

She WILL say as much to both of them who are equally horrified by the accusation. “I think if you fucked you’d fix each other actually.” They staunchly disagree.

They are 100% blaming those embarrassing dreams they keep having on her and absolutely nothing else.

Anyway, I could literally continue talking forever. Their ship song is In the Middle by Dodie. hilclaurenz is everything to me. Thank you for listening  ❤️💛💜

[mmriesoftvat]

1. WHAT IS YOUR NAME?: "kami, i suppose.."

2. WHAT IS YOUR REAL NAME?: "kaminari."

3. DO YOU KNOW WHY YOU’RE CALLED THAT?: "the traveler named me, i didn't care otherwise. i'm not great with names."

4. ARE YOU SINGLE OR TAKEN?: "why is that so important to you?"

5. WHAT ARE YOUR POWERS AND ABILITIES?: "anemo." kami shrugs at the question. "we all have our different abilities, why should mine be singled out as special? it doesn't matter. as long as i can still fight, it matters very little to me."

6. WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR EYES?: "blue." kami smirks. the answer is not blue, and anyone could see that. but he's going to claim that anyway.

7. HAVE YOU EVER DYED YOUR HAIR?: "no, i never really saw a point to it."

8. DO YOU HAVE ANY FAMILY MEMBERS?: "none that i care to elaborate on." HERE, kami loses the more easygoing expression, growing more tense and tight-lipped. "family is a meaningless word, people will use it to bind people to some arbitrary contract. i have no one like that."

9. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS?: "unless the aranara count, the answer is no."

10. TELL ME ABOUT SOMETHING YOU DON’T LIKE: "THIS."

11. DO YOU HAVE ANY HOBBIES OR ACTIVITIES YOU DO IN YOUR SPARE TIME?: "the scholars at the akademiya are idiots. i spend more time correcting the papers they write than writing my own. i suppose smuggling books out of the library counts as a hobby too. i dislike having to return them, though."

12. HAVE YOU EVER HURT ANYONE BEFORE?: "yes."

13. HAVE YOU EVER… KILLED ANYONE?: "yes."

14. WHAT KIND OF ANIMAL ARE YOU?: "i am not an animal, i am me. it was buer who likened me to a cat, and if that makes her happy, then i suppose i can go along with this."

15. NAME YOUR WORST HABITS: "criticizing our own flaws is too easy of a trap to fall into. i could spend forever telling everyone everything i dislike about myself, but that'd be a waste of everyone's time. nothing would change, and you'd all feel like some sort of hero hoping to fix what you see as broken. so, i'll save us all the time and move on."

16. DO YOU LOOK UP TO ANYONE?: "i suppose i'd admire buer the most, for everything she does for her people. niwa, when we knew each other. for our time together, he taught me a lot."

17. GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?: "these questions are too personal and intrusive. but if you INSIST, probably bisexual."

18. DO YOU GO TO SCHOOL?: "i suppose? i'm not enrolled in the akademiya, but i AM keeping an eye on the scholars there."

19. DO YOU EVER WANT TO MARRY AND HAVE KIDS SOMEDAY?: "no."

20. DO YOU HAVE ANY FANS?: "if by fan, you mean having the scribe and the general mahamatra breathing down my neck every time i enter a room, then sure, i suppose you could say i have fans."

21. WHAT ARE YOU MOST AFRAID OF?: "nothing." THAT much is a lie. but would he elaborate? nope.

22. WHAT DO YOU USUALLY WEAR?: "my hat. my hat is the most fundamental staple of my day-to-day outfit."

23. DO YOU LOVE SOMEONE?: "there is no one i would really assign to love. but there are people i have been and am currently loyal to."

24. WHAT CLASS ARE YOU?: "what do you mean class? are we in some sort of light novel now? am i to be a main character in a fantasy? PLEASE."

25. HOW MANY FRIENDS DO YOU HAVE?: "i am my own friend."

26. WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON PIE?: "it's PIE. pie is usually sweet, therefore i won't eat it."

27. FAVORITE DRINK?: "tea."

29. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PLACE?: "what is WITH all these questions? who is so curious to want to ask me so many boring, soulless questions that make no sense? i don't have one." the sanctuary comes to mind, but kami brushes that off -- it's unimportant and no one's business.

30. ARE YOU INTERESTED IN SOMEONE?: "no."

31. WOULD YOU RATHER SWIM IN THE LAKE OR THE OCEAN?: "why swim, when i can just as easily fly?"

32. WHAT’S YOUR ‘TYPE’?: "someone with intelligence, first off. i am not seeing that on display here."

33. ANY FETISHES?: "absolutely not."

35. CAMPING, OR INDOORS?: "i think we are done with this stupid interview. nothing of value was gained, and plenty was lost."

36. ARE YOU WAITING FOR THIS INTERVIEW TO BE OVER?: "yes."

tagged by: @erabundus (thank you!) tagging: @viigilant @roleplay-abiogenesis2 @mcuntainbcrn @curiouskinetic @voyage-inferno @chiselight @celesticlnstcrs @layuten @defiedlife and YOU!

[raywritesthings]

i know you rb'd it a while ago but if you're still interested in doing it, ship asks (and if you don't actually vibe with any of these ships feel free to skip!)

roy/riza: 8, 9, 15 hawkeye/trapper: 15, 21, 26 margaret/hawkeye: 15 (i really want to know what songs people associate with ships lol), 46, 50

Oh, fun variety with these ones! If it's alright with you, I'm gonna skip #15 for all three (at least for now) because it takes me a while of listening to music while specifically thinking/looking for parallels/vibes with a given ship before I can come up with anything. By the time I do that, I'll forget to come back to my ask box to answer this! So apologies, but also my music taste is extremely old-fashioned so it probably wouldn't be all that interesting anyway.

Roy/Riza:

8. What do they love most about the other? Why? I think going from a strictly canon reading, Riza loves the ideals that Roy believes in and wants to put in place as reforms. She's dedicated her whole life to helping him achieve that. And in turn, and I think Roy loves Riza's loyalty - not to him, specifically, but to their shared cause. He knows he can trust her above anyone else to see it through, even if she has to go through him to get there. In addition, I think they both find solace in knowing each other so well, having met before the military really entered their lives and changing together through Ishval and beyond. 9. What do they dislike most about the other? Why? I think Riza dislikes Roy's carelessness most because it makes her job harder because it in some ways betrays their goals. Roy is the one and only person she will ever trust with her father's life's work and the only person she trusts to see the necessary reforms put in to in some way try to atone for their actions in Ishval. She also can't cope with the idea of living without him, so for him to try and fight a killer in the rain without thinking of how severely disadvantaged this makes him understandably upsets her on multiple levels. For Roy, I think he probably most dislikes the fact that Riza clearly can't cope without him, more so because he would hate the idea of her suffering like that in his absence than because he sees it as some kind of character flaw.

Hawkeye/Trapper:

21. Do they enjoy domestic life? So, given it'd be the 50s and they're two men, that's a tough one. I think in the absence of any fear of being "discovered" and discriminated against/arrested, though, they'd get on fine together. They already have experience sharing living space, and in the worst possible conditions. There's little things that would bother each other (just watched "Alcoholics Unanimous" yesterday, and they have a wonderfully domestic spat about Hawkeye using Trapper's towel while shaving and Trapper's toenail clippings ending up by/under Hawkeye's bed), but I think they'd be able to just bicker for a few minutes and move on. The major roadblocks are pretty much external factors (how their relationship would impact Trapper's ability to see his girls, the strain of living semi-closeted in 50s America, etc). 26. What sacrifices do they make for the other? Given the way the show was written, it's easier I think to pinpoint the sacrifices that Trapper makes and could/would make in a relationship with Hawkeye than the other way around. He's almost always the one getting roped into Hawkeye's schemes or messes (good example is him blatantly committing perjury in "House Arrest" while coming up with a cover story for where Frank got his shiner), and if they were to pursue a relationship back home he would be the one having to give up his stable family life with the wife and two kids unless they kept it secret, and then Hawkeye would be the one sort of making sacrifices there (but I just can't really see that lasting or being something either of them would put up with for longer than just a casual "every once in a while" sort of thing when they happened to both be in the same area). Not that Hawkeye doesn't ever make sacrifices for Trapper (from the infamous "Longjohn Flap" to shelving any sadness he might have over Trapper possibly leaving in "Check-Up" in order to celebrate with him), but it's something he'd have to work on in a serious relationship with Trapper. For the record, I don't think he'd struggle too hard with it, just the way the show framed him as the protagonist and Trapper as his sort of "second" gives it that slightly uneven dynamic. Probably the biggest thing is that, once stateside, Hawkeye would likely have to be the one to move so that Trapper could remain close to his daughters. Depending on where you land as to how much Hawkeye really loves Crabapple Cove or not, that may be a small or a really large sacrifice.

Margaret/Hawkeye:

46. Do they consider their relationship casual or serious? Is the answer different depending on who you ask? Why? Hm, this one probably depends on the circumstances. I think in "Comrades in Arms", Hawkeye was looking for something more casual than Margaret (partly because Margaret was married to Donald at the time, and partly because he liked their dynamic as-it-was whereas Margaret seemed to think she needed to go into Mistress Mode like with Frank or the generals that used to come knocking). I think Hawkeye valued Margaret's friendship so much at that point that he'd rather that not change and they not be together than to be together and have her change her behavior for him. If we were talking post-canon, I think it could almost end up flipped, where Hawkeye might cling to Margaret harder for the sense of familiarity she gives him while she's more focused on figuring out her life post-army. Then again, I could also see them mutually agreeing to a casual thing post-war based on the finale kiss. 50. Would they ever break up? If so, why? Who would handle the breakup better? Haha, well they sort of did? If they were in a genuine relationship, I could definitely see them breaking up (and getting back together, and breaking up again, etc). The big, unresolved thing between them is their political/ideological differences, which the show really de-emphasized as the years went on and Margaret became part of the "in" crowd less enchanted with the army/the war (compare her clear distress at the idea that peace talks might be starting in an early scene with Frank from I want to say "Dear Dad" vs her commiserating with Hawkeye about the points system being changed to keep them longer in "Peace on Us"). However, without the army/the war as a mutual enemy of theirs, they could definitely end up butting heads on politics again back stateside which could possibly result in a permanent break. I'm not sure who would handle a breakup better, honestly. I think Margaret would handle it worse at first and then probably get over it if she found someone new, whereas Hawkeye would probably be outwardly fine but miss her long after she was gone.

These were all really interesting to think about, so thanks for sending them in! List is here for anyone interested in sending in other questions/ships!

[mrs-nate-humphrey]

how do u think a dair + serenessa double date would go? 👀

i tried my best, but tbh i think it’d be chaotic because i feel like the kind of things serena and vanessa would do on dates vs the kind of things dan and blair would do on dates would be wildly different! so if any of these options feel ooc that’s probably why. this was a fun ask though! and i came up with 5 potential double dates so hopefully at least ONE feels correct....

under the cut, because it got long (of course it did) 

pre-date, dan & vanessa get ready together, and blair & serena get ready together. i think blair would do fishtail braids for serena or something, and serena would give blair input on what to wear, zip her dress. they'd fix each other's make-up. dan and vanessa would be doing the same thing! vanessa fixes dan's tie (she's had practice with nate's ties after discreet make-out sessions at his WASPy relatives' place, she knows how to fix a tie) and smooths down his suit. dan probably does something elaborate or fancy or pretty with her hair, braiding ribbons in or something (he grew up with jenny, he knows how to help a girl look fancy for a special occasion).

option 1:

they'd meet at a neutral location, like a park or something, and vanessa and serena would walk around slightly ahead of dan and blair, arms looped together, talking excitedly about something that dan and blair exchange puzzled looks at. dan and blair would walk around too, more leisurely, not really saying much but just enjoying each other's company? or maybe the would talk a lot because, well, they're dan and blair. eventually, blair reaches out for dan's hand and holds it and dan turns a fascinating shade of pink

they're in the park for an hour, until they either get bored or get kicked out for hanging out in the kids area because they're making the children wait lkhfdlkfgklgf. i think vanessa and serena would spend a lot of time on the merry go round while dan and blair stare at them with disappointed horrified wonder, like "how are they going so fast and not throwing up?" / "i don't know" . dan and blair would just sit on swings and not swing LKFHLKDGH.

after this, they do dinner at a posh restaurant, blair's choice. 

option 2:

art gallery date!

dan and blair are being their lovely pretentious selves, going deep into symbolism and historical context and interpretation of paintings using different frameworks and like - vanessa knows enough to join them in the debate, but like....

serena is right there staring at various pictures and saying things like "this shade of green is so calming and soothing, makes me think of peppermint" or "if i could only see one colour for the rest of my life, it'd be this violet" or "this blue feels so melancholic" and vanessa finds herself so so so curious about what serena means, and she really wants to know what her girlfriend means, so she loops an arm around serena's waist and asks all the right questions (she's not trying to ask the right questions, she genuinely wants to know), all "what do you mean by that" or "why do you think that is" or "melancholic how? could you give me another example?"

serena is touched that vanessa actually wants to hear her interpretations as opposed to being academic or whatever

meanwhile dan and blair are two seconds away from yelling or frothing at the mouth. they are looking at a picture of sisyphus and arguing about what it means.

"do we do something about that?" serena asks. "nah, they're flirting," vanessa says.

db disappear for a hot minute, and when they return, blair's lipstick smudged on dan's face, serena and vanessa do a GREAT JOB at keeping their expressions neutral

option 3:

beach date! blair hates it because of all the sand but then dan piggybacks her everywhere and she's too busy having fun to really think about the sand. until dan runs right into the waves and she's shrieking, and she's like, humphrey do you know how much these clothes cost, and he thinks she's going to cry or something, and she knows he thinks that, because the next thing he knows, she's pushing him back into the water and he's spluttering because he actually dressed up for once (yes, he dressed up for the beach, his fancy ass girlfriend is totally rubbing off on him)

serena and vanessa just look at them like why are our friends like this

serena gets a surfboard and vanessa watches her and cheers

dan and blair are both just lying on a picnic blanket (vanessa's picnic blanket, now covered in seawater, thank you very much) and laughing so hard that vanessa goes, 'hey, are you both sober? did you show up here drunk?' and that just sets them off again

option 4:

open mic! blair bullies dan into performing a poem, and he goes, i know you write too, waldorf, so you’ve got to do something as well, and she does!! she’s never really thought of herself as a writer before but at that minute, she does. 

vanessa gives serena a poem she’s written on the back of a receipt from some coffee shop, and serena goes and performs it, and dan and blair are both like, why didn’t you perform your own poem? and vanessa’s like, i wrote it for serena to perform. it’s a poem meant for serena in every possible way 

they want to tease her for being a sap but they unfortunately have no ground to do so 

after this they go to some nice, fun, extremely casual eatery in brooklyn and blair complains loudly and at every possible opportunity but once they’re actually there, she’s all smiles. she steals the salad off dan’s plate

serena talks to vanessa later, about ‘did you give me a poem to ensure i wouldn’t feel left out?’ and vanessa goes ‘no i gave you a poem because i wanted to. because i can’t stop writing poems about you and you mean so much to me’ 

option 5: 

vanessa takes all of them to a lesbian concert

blair’s initially awkward about it like ‘i don’t want people to think im a lesbian!’ and dan is like “you can just kiss me in that case” and vanessa is like, “funny, nate never complained about that”

later, blair talks to dan about how the real reason she’s iffy about this concert is her hugeass crush on serena from when they were kids, and she’s over it, but sometimes she remembers it and it always hurts

and dan, to her surprise, gives her a hug and tells her about the hugeass crush he had on vanessa, and how she took him to these concerts all the time before she left and he kept wondering what it meant, because it always felt like a date, their bodies always smushed close together because of the way the crowd would be, and he tells her that it hurt, but he wants to go to a concert with blair, to make new memories or whatev

blair is like ‘nothing about this experience sounds appealing’

dan is like, ‘give it a try before you judge it’ 

and blair does and she hates the crowd as expected so she and dan sit outside together and she feels mildly awful about making him miss the concert, but they’re near one of the doors and they can still hear the music and blair thinks the band isn’t half bad and she tells him that, and dan laughs, like, ‘see? i knew you’d like them’ and blair gives him an incredulous look and kisses him 

and keeps kissing him

serena and vanessa come out of the venue laughing, faces pink and flushed, and they look at dan and blair, who are standing there and smiling and looking sort of quiet and at peace and happy despite leaving in the middle

vanessa checks on blair, and blair smiles at her and says it’s all good, and v believes her, because she looks really happy

[sketching-shark]

I think on some narrative levels in LMK, Qi Xiaotian represents Sun Wukong's best traits (like his love for his family and friends, his potential to grow as a person, and so on). Just like Liu-er Mihou represents Sun Wukong's worst.

(And I have so many thoughts that the two monkies are reflections of Qi Xiaotian in turn.)

Because Qi Xiaotian is a person and has his own flaws and insecurities, and he's genuinely kind, it's inspiring and loving rather than overwhelming.

I wish I had more coherent words. Just. The power that Qi Xiaotian and Sun Wukong as their own characters care so much about each other. It's choosing to be kind, to believe in each other. It's what saves Sun Wukong in the season 3 special.

Also, Qi Xiaotian demands better, of Macaque included.

And on a narrative level, it's being kind to yourself. To look at yourself and decide to love the whole of you, which also demands of you to improve as a person when you can and hold yourself accountable.

OOOOOOOOOOOUGH anon the idea that Qi Xiaotian embodies/represents the Monkey King's very best traits while the Six Eared Macaque embodies/represents the very worst traits is SO genuinely big brained on so many levels.

Like yes just to scratch the surface of this idea you are completely right about Qi Xiaotian and the Six Eared Macaque standing as narrative foils to each other perhaps more than even LEMH and SWK themselves specifically because QXT, while still being a major Monkey King fanboy as well as the literal successor to SWK, has a LOT going on in his life outside of his interactions with SWK. He's got a busy job, at least two(2) father figures, a best friend, an uncle figure, a love of art, games, and sports; just a lot of people and things that he really cares about that while they sometimes make him exhausted and distracted do keep him grounded in the here and now. So even while he does mess up and does occasionally act pretty selfish and thoughtless, I feel like his genuine kindness and happiness with living in the present provides a solid foundation for him to truly want to actively work towards forming friendships and connections while striving to do the right thing. Hell, he's even conversely compared to the Lady Bone Demon in that she became so disgusted with reality that she thought the only way to make it better was to burn it all down, kill everyone and everything, & make it start over, whereas QXT recognizes the suffering in the world but sincerely believes that it's worth protecting and saving and trying to make better anyway. Macaque, by direct contrast, is so obsessively enraged with one(1) person that by all appearances he has literally nothing going on in his life except his attempts to get revenge against SWK. Now maybe it is due to his limited screentime free from the Lady Bone Demon's control, but basically every single thing he's done throughout the course of the show right up until the 25th hour was either A) Trying to kill/beat the tar out of SWK and/or QXT or B) Tell everyone who might listen what a terrible person SWK is in an attempt to make them turn against the Monkey King. Aaaaand that's kind of it. That's the grand total of the things that define the Six Eared Macaque's life. From what we've seen he has 0 friends, 0 family, literally nothing that might draw him away from his centuries-long endeavor against the Monkey King. It's like he's STILL playing out his JTTW role of "SWK except worse," except this time instead of trying to replace the Monkey King he wants him disappeared, dead, or completely alone. Either way, he's stuck in one mode of being and seems to have no intention or ability to behave in a different way (at least right up until the very end of season 3, where there's some hints that he MIGHT start acting differently but we'll see).

And then you have the Monkey King himself, which at present seems pretty tenuously suspended between these two positions. Like gosh dern just thinking about it I feel like you really hit the nail on the head in terms of how lego show Sun Wukong seems to keep getting jerked around by two seemingly contradictory parts of his character; his decision to become someone's shifu does indicate that he wants to do good in the world & make things better for others and himself & live in the present with all its potentials, but he does mess that up a lot mainly because he still thinks that when push comes to shove he has to do everything by himself, just like it often was during this time as a yaoguai warlord & during the journey. And then on the other hand there's always this distance between him and his tudi because SWK is still very much living in the past (just like LEMH) & the guilt and regret that it brought. I mean, this monkey literally exiled himself for 500 years after imprisoning the Demon Bull King, and since that he has repeatedly shown that his go-to solution to him messing up and/or for a major threat to manifest is to leave his companions and try to fix everything by himself, again just like he did when he was a yaoguai warlord (he fights against the entire heavenly army by himself) and during the journey (he frequently faces the various yaoguai by himself). These are just a few of the things that indicate lego show SWK genuinely thinks that he can't and perhaps even shouldn't live in the present rather than dwelling on the past, because what the past ‘taught’ him is that if he tries to accomplish anything with anyone else he’ll fail & get everyone killed & he’ll be left alive, alone, and despairing of life. 

QXT’s and SWK’s relationship is really so interesting & so full of potential in a lot of ways, but one of the big ones (for me) is that both the monkey and the young man seem to have a lot of doubts about themselves, but also seem to ultimately believe completely in the goodness and worthiness of the other person in their shifu/tudi relationship. Like I know people get angry at SWK for his “believe in yourself” lines, but his behavior does indicate that he really does believe in QXT, and he does see his tudi score victory after victory even while SWK keeps to the background but will intervene if he thinks he needs to. And the season 3 special showed just how completely QXT believed in SWK in that he had his back deliberately turned on a charging possessed Monkey King because he trusted SWK to be able to shake off the possession before he hurt him. That, of course, is a level of trust and a willing show of vulnerability that we don’t see from SWK, and in a very real way QXT was able to save the day because Qi Xiaotian is NOT Sun Wukong and believes that A) He can fully count on his loved ones to be their best selves and help him and B) He can show “weakness” and still be okay because his loved ones would never truly hurt him. Like dang this dude believes so much in the inherent or at least potential goodness of the people around him that many can’t help but be positively affected by it (notwithstanding QXT’s very obvious willingness to violence if need be). But yes altogether this level of reciprocal care does in a real way indicate that loving yourself and the people around you does mean being willing to acknowledge when you’ve messed up and what you need to improve, but not sinking down so far into the pit of guilt or obsession over past mistakes that you stagnate and come to believe that being better is impossible. Kind of does make me hope that season 4 of Monkie Kid will focus more on the quieter aspects of the relationship between QXT and SWK in a way that lets SWK let down some of his carefree untouchable hero persona to be more genuine with QXT, and for QXT to feel that he can be more honest with SWK about things that he’s uncertain, angry, or upset about. 

Also would be nice if we could get some more background on these two to get some sense of what the nelly contributed into shaping them into the monkey and man that they are aaaaaaaaa.

[ryouverua]

Saimota is a fantastic ship that only improves with age and their respective maturity. Right from the get-go we see this in canon, too! They have a tumultuous first clash at the end of chapter 1 which is immediately turned on its head, and the subsequent growth and development of their in-game relationship really stands out that much more because of it.

This is a long one, so strap in!

Kaito realizes his mistake in his approach after punching him the night before and rectifies it immediately the next morning when he notices Shuichi hasn’t come to breakfast, rightly guessing that he’s stewing in his own grief and misery. And then, being the emotionally intelligent guy he is, he follows up that night and drags him out to exercise (which, y’know, releases endorphins and is scientifically proven to help with mood boosts and even depression) - a move which Shuichi says in chapter 5 saved his life.

A couple days pass and a body drops. Kaito supports him through the investigation knowing that Kaede had been with him last time and that there’s a danger of him relapsing. In the trial, too, Kaito makes every effort to let Shuichi know that he isn’t alone and someone does have his back if he fumbles. This is the real moment that Shuichi chooses to depend on Kaito and is rewarded for it, and while Kaito does get plenty of ego-feed out of it, he believes in Shuichi and his talent wholeheartedly (enough so that it’ll come back to bite him later). But despite it being framed as a ‘hero and sidekick’ relationship, it’s not just for Kaito’s self-worth - it’s to take some of the mental load off of Shuichi, who really, really doesn’t want the pressure of everyone’s lives solely on his shoulders, and is now dealing with the guilt of two cases where uncovering the guilty party hurt him.

(quick chapter 2 interlude! while this is where a lot of the big hero-worship begins for Shuichi and happens to be where I also did his first FTE and got to witness this:

this is also the chapter when these moments happen, post-breakfast and post-casino scene respectively:

and this happens in the very next FTE:

mmm yes, the duality of man. Suffice it to say, while Shuichi has definite rose-coloured glasses on for a lot of the game, Kaito is definitely not an invincible, untouchable hero in his eyes)

Interestingly enough, despite Shuichi still very much leaning into their friendship (and vice versa), they don’t spend a lot of time together in Chapter 3 after he brings Maki out to training that first night! While Chapter 4 is their real ‘break’, Kaito spends a lot of time in his room in the second half while Shuichi gets to know Maki better. And while Maki is a much, uh, meaner investigation partner (love you girl, but that tongue is sharp), they make a great team. Shuichi also starts poking at Kaito’s reason for holing up in his room, incorrectly guess that it’s just related to the occult being brought up. Most importantly, Shuichi is able to do an investigation on his own independent of Kaito just a week after the end of Chapter 1.

Chapter 4 and its immediate aftermath in 5 is great because it showcases Kaito’s flaws and insecurity, and what conflict between the two of them look like. It’s because Kaito respects Shuichi so much that cracks in his own confidence start appearing - and while Shuichi can be obtuse and awkward at times, he shows signs of wanting to broach some more sensitive topics with Kaito; if you do FTEs with Kaito in Ch 4, he even has an inner narrative in which he notes that Kaito had said his stomach hurt before.

He’s not so self-absorbed as to not worry about his friend (but narratively we gotta save that juicy plot point and subsequent reveal for the end of the trial) but hey, Kaito wants to chill and just shoot the shit - so why not have some downtime with his friend in the murder school. Btw, their FTE availability ends here - so if Shuichi has completed them with Kaito, he’s already had his canon-saimota thoughts at this point. While I have given Shuichi the side-eye for his ‘I can rely on Kaito for anything’ spiel, he is fully able and willing to stand up to Kaito in the Chapter 4 trial despite his canon feelings for him at that point. By the way, it’s been a week and a half since the end of Chapter 1 at this point. Shuichi and Kaito have had an arc together where they become fast friends in a pressure-cooker situation and bonding over shared grief for Kaede (even if Kaito’s is less obvious), Shuichi starts as dependent on Kaito’s emotional support but learns to stand on his own two feet, and Kaito is forced to confront his own weakness and hero persona, all while classmates are dropping (including Kaito’s own ex-hero figure, a stark reminder that ‘heroes’ do have flaws).

So the beginning of Chapter 5 is wild to me because of how it’s so often misinterpreted as Kaito immaturely giving Shuichi the silent treatment despite the entirety of the game preceding it explicitly showing that Kaito will tell you, loudly, when he’s angry at you, and that’s purely because we’re in Shuichi’s perspective and he thinks that’s what’s going on - but that’s a bit of a tangent. What I like about it is how we get to see what happens when Kaito (as sick as he is at that point) feels badly and embarrassed with someone he is close to; he withdraws as opposed to lashing out. And while Shuichi is really, really bad at reaching out too without an inciting incident (tunnel escape), he does try and broach the topic when push comes to shove. He’s not lost in hero worship, not even close - he is rightfully upset that the person he’s closest to at the school is upset while still maintaining to himself and the others that his actions were correct. He doesn’t waver on this, despite his attempt to offer an olive branch at the window of the hangar’s bathroom. He truly stands by his own choices in the last class trial and know he won't back down on that if push comes to shove, and that's important - he won't yield the point just to appease Kaito. Shuichi then manages the investigation on his own, leads the trial on his own, faces off with Maki (and who he thinks is Kokichi) on his own, because he has *reached* a point where he can be independent. And to bring it back to how we get a look at ‘saimota in conflict’, Shuichi and Kaito both make amends with each other by the end of the chapter. Even if it’s spurred by it being their final goodbye, Shuichi gets to say his piece, Kaito lays out one of his own vulnerabilities so he can make peace with Shuichi - and even if I’d love to have had them delve into all of Kaito's various issues, there is a very murderous robobear overseeing this which makes time a factor - and I firmly believe that if they had more time, they could’ve resolved even more of the issues that would come up for Saimota. The groundwork wasn’t just there; there was already half the structure in place. And that’s what makes saimota even more appealing to me, tbh. We get to see them build a relationship, run into a big issue, struggle through it and resolve it by the end of the game - and it means that there’s precedent for them to do it again as more interpersonal challenges come up! It’s a goldmine of ship exploration, and they care about each other enough to work through it.

… By the way, at this point they are 2 weeks past the end of Chapter 1.

Imagine if they had more time. Imagine if Shuichi, who is absolutely dogged in pursuing an issue once he catches wind of it (despite how he can get wrapped up in his own head), who cares a lot for other people, who doesn’t just find runaways as part of his detective talent, but follows up with them after because he cares about more than just finishing the job, had the chance to spend years with Kaito and realize he uses his hero persona to protect a much more fragile sense of self. Imagine Shuichi forming that initial friendship with Kaito without the albatross of Kaede’s death hanging around his neck; about how he’ll still look up to Kaito and his fantastic positivity, passion and excellence in his chosen field, and that would only be matched by Kaito’s own admiration of Shuichi’s skills as a detective. Imagine if Kaito, who repeatedly shows the ability to reflect and change his mind when presented with evidence against his viewpoint and was able to express his own insecurity and jealousy to Shuichi in the end, was given the breathing room and space to get more comfortable with doing so. Imagine how difficult and emotionally mature they were to navigate as well as they did in a life-or-death situation that took place over a couple of weeks tops, and how much more they could grow if given the time and space for it.

... And this was nearly going to be where I ended the post, until Ira reminded me of TDP and sent me this wonderful Saimota event (which takes place before the final graduation/training trio event):

Oh hey, Shuichi picked up his catchphrase! It's quite cute how he's finishing Kaito's sentence here - he's spent a couple of years being friends with Kaito at this point, and has even taken up exercising on his own for stress relief. I wonder whose influence that was?

Anyway -

Shuichi has figured out at this point that he does need to firmly extend that helping hand to Kaito rather than worry and keep it to himself. On the other side, Kaito has learned that it is okay to accept that outstretched hand, even if he doesn't need it right now - that he can admit that some day, he might. He's being blase, sure, but it is a far cry from his in-game 'I don't/won't need help'. Good for you, Kaito - you've grown a lot! And that's the most important thing their TDPs show - their capacity for growth not just as individuals, but in a relationship. Of course there will be bumps along the way - it’s very rare that any relationship won’t have them! - but they've proven that they can work these problems in the worst of circumstances. This is by far one of the strongest ships with canon foundation in the entire series, and my goodness do I still love it years later.

[linkspooky]

Who in you’re opinion are the 5 best written characters in jjk?

1. Suguru Geto

Geto is the type of character I refer to as an "empathy monster", his genuine feelings of empathy for other people just make him all the more monstrous. Empathy isn't a positive or negative trait, it's just one personality trait that makes a person. It's just the ability to inuit other people's emotions naturally. It's not some magical trait that makes you a good guy. Suguru starts out his story as someone who strives to be good, but in a "self righteous" way. He's trying to assure himself that he's a good person, that his beliefs are the right ones.

Geto and Gojo work so well as character foils, because they are essentially the same person. They're both "the strongest" and that makes them see themselves as apart from normal people. Geto at first believes it's his duty to help weak people, but that still comes from a place of looking down on them.

Then Geto is put through something no normal teenager should have gone through, he gets close to a girl, only to watch her die right in front of him when he promised to be the one to save her and fall away from his best friend shortly after, because when Satoru became the strongest it seemed like he didn't need him anymore.

Geto sees himself above normal people, but it's actually him genuinely connecting to someone he and Gojo would have dismissed as a normal person before in Riko Amanai, and seeing her desire to live in this world the same as everyone else, only for it to be taken away that breaks Geto. Geto feels this empathy deeper and stronger than everything else, and because he cares the loss absolutely devestates him and the only way for him to go forward is to just cut off that empathy. He starts seeing everyone, except for the sorcers closest to him as being human. He disqualifies them.

Geto works so well as a character, because it's his good qualities that drive him to tragedy not his faults. He shows how uncaring the world of sorcerers is, if trying to be a genuinely caring person can be a fault that drives you off the edge.

2. Satoru Gojo.

Gojo's writing is well done because it's balanced, the entire character is built around the idea of being "the strongest" but instead of it being a power fantasy, Gojou's character revolves more around how much it sucks to be him.

Gojo can win any fight alone, but it doesn't get him what he wants. He can't use his strength to solve every problem. There are several things he can't do, he can't teach that well, understand or relate to other people, play politics with others.

What Gojo wants is a better world, and comrades that can stay by his side without getting left behind, but he can't have those things. Gojo actually has an insecurity around being the strongest, because he thinks it's all that defines him. He sees his strength as insufficient ultimately because there is so much he failed to do. He has strength, but he couldn't save Geto. Gojo is the strongest man in the whole world and still he fails, he makes mistakes like any other human. Just like his character profile says, Gojo can do almost anything, but there's nothing he particularly wants to do and when he does find something it slips out of his fingers.

3. Okkotsu Yuta.

Jujutsu Kaisen writes main characters well, and it does this by not allowing them to be "the main characters' of their stories. In most stories the world revolves around the viewpoint of the protagonists. However, in the case of both Yuji and Yuta every time they try to view themselves as the heroes, or act self-centered in their viewpoints, they get slapped in the face and reminded that they're not the only ones fighting here.

Yuta is a well thought out version of the "nakama" trope, in that Yuta's entire problem is how codependent he is. He can't function without people around him. He was so afraid of losing Rika when he was young, that he cursed her and bound her to him for years after her death which inevitably made her suffer.

Yuta's passivity is also a serious flaw. Maki calls him out for "playing the victim" as an excuse to avoid responsibility. If he lets others push him around, then he doesn't ever have to make decisions for his actions because he's "not at fault." Yuta's arc in Zero is forcing him to grow up and take responsibility, otherwise he'll keep hurting the people around him like he did Rika, and I hope we can see the conintuation of that arc.

4.  Kokichi Muta.

Kokichi is a perfectly executed tragic character. His circumstances aren't his own fault, but he still makes bad choices in those circumstances.

Kokichi's desire is to be together with everyone else. However, Kokichi is so afraid of his friends hating him, because of how worthless he believes his own body to be that he can't let them close. Kokichi has internalized the idea that he's weak, so he takes all the burdens on his own shoulders in an attempt to prove he's strong.

That, is what leads him to try to challenge Mahito all on his own. He wants to be closer to the others, but he can't bring himself to rely on them. It leads to one of the saddest scenes in the manga, and expresses the tragedy that's repeated again and again in the jujutsu world, that these are all just kids that want to be friends, and have the normal lives everyone else have. I want to be together with everyone. That's what Riko said. That's what Kokichi said. That's what Yuji tried to promise to Junpei. We want the characters we like to be happy, but to the ones with unhappy endings their story still matters.

Kokichi couldn't leave his room in the end, but even so there was still someone who loved him in Miwa, there's still someone who will remember him - and there's a power in someone who tried their hardest to live and love even if they failed in the end.

5. Mahito.

Anyway, now I'm going to praise the asshole that killed my other favorite.

Mahito is a frankenstein's monster like Dabi, he's just a little uglier. Mahito serves as an embodiment, a walking, breathing, id of human selfishness and desire. What's so interesting about his character are all his nasty traits are perfectly human ones. Human pettiness. Human jealousy. Human fickleness. The things that Mahito does are all things other humans do with each other. A confrontation with him is like an acknowledgement of just how terrible people can be to each other.

However, there's more to him than that Mahito is basically an infant, he is frankenstein's monster, a creation of humanity but distinctly not human and unaware of what he truly is. What I'm invested in is the potential of a character like Mahito. His starting point si the absolute worst of humanity, but humans are ore than just their bad traits. Just looking at the bad parts of people you're not looking at the whole truth. I'm interested in what kind of character that Mahito can grow into as he gains a wider view of the world around him, because he is a curious learning thing.

I actually hope we see him come back in canon after being eaten by Getwo, because there's a lot more that could be done with a character with so much potential as him.

[free-pool-trash]

disappointment - peter maximoff

i’ve yet again lost my ability to write :D anyway here you go lovelies <3 idek know what this is tbh i just had to post something (it’s not good im sorry I seriously hate this omg anyway im going)

word count: 2k

warnings: senseless angst, WandaVision spoilers, swearing

comments are appreciated <3

masterlist

“Are you nervous about the mission tomorrow? ‘Cus I am.” Peter’s voice sounded beside your ear. His head was tucked between your neck and shoulder while his chest was pressed flush against your back, his arms wound tightly around your middle.

With a tired yawn, you rubbed your boyfriend’s forearm soothingly. It was late and you were half asleep but you’d been dating Peter long enough to know that he could never sleep if there was something on his mind. “You’re not even going on the mission tomorrow, baby. Why’re you nervous?” You lazily played with his fingers, stopping them from anxiously drumming against your stomach, as you slurred your words sleepily.

Peter let out a heavy sigh and hid his face against your neck, pecking the skin softly with his lips as he did, “I’m not going, but you are. M’worried about you…”

His confession caused your eyes to flutter open.

Peter Maximoff had the biggest heart of anyone you’ve ever met. He loved hard but he worried harder. So when you heard the slight shake in his raspy voice, you twisted in his grip to face him.

His lips were turned downwards, as were his eyes as he avoided your gaze.

“Pete…” You whispered, moving your arms to wrap around his neck. “I’m gonna be okay. Raven and Charles will be with me the whole time, we’ll be in and out. I promise.” You pressed your lips against his quickly before pulling away to look at him, his brown eyes finally meeting yours, his hands holding you tightly against him still.

“I just don’t get why Charles won’t let me come.” He complained with a childish pout.

You let out a quiet laugh before tugging Peter’s head down slightly so his forehead could rest against yours, “We really need this mutant on our side, Pete. Charles insisted that only X-Men with the “powers of persuasion” are going.” You explained, making air quotes despite the fact he couldn’t see them.

With another light kiss you continued, “And hey, what’s the worst that can happen?”

Peter scoffed at that, scrunching his nose up in distaste, “He could blast the only woman I’ve ever loved into a different dimension.” He grumbled, rubbing his nose against yours.

His worry wasn’t exactly misplaced. There’d been a group of mutants on a warpath lately, one of the group slightly friendlier than the others, albeit, still highly malicious. The man in question had the ability to open portals to other realities, and he’d been using said ability to get rid of anyone who stood in his way.

Charles thought he’d be an asset, Raven thought he should be taken out of the picture and you thought the man was more than just a lackey, like he let on.

So Peter, as much as he liked to overthink, was definitely onto something. There was a huge possibility that, if anyone was going to get blasted into another reality on tomorrow’s mission, it was probably going to be you.

Your mutation was mind control, you could make anyone do anything just by saying the words. Charles’ tactic was to try persuade the mutant and if that failed, yourself and Raven would be brought in to manipulate his decision.

“That won’t happen.” You tried to reassure him, letting your hands run through his hair but Peter remained on edge.

“But what if-“ He started but you cut him off with a gentle tug on his silver hair.

“No buts. I’m gonna go on this mission, it’s gonna be a pain in the ass but it’s gonna be fine. I’m going to come home with not even a scratch on me. Then I’ll find you and you’ll kiss me and welcome me home like you always do.” You rattled off the usual post-mission routine with a fond smile across your lips.

Peter let out a defeated sigh, a smile of his own beginning to form as you placed lazy kisses against his jaw.

“Fine. I believe you. But if you don’t come back I’m gonna be seriously pissed.” He jostled your body, chuckling happily when you let out an airy giggle against his neck. “Don’t go getting any ideas, sweetheart. Even going to a different reality won’t get rid of me.”

You continued placing short kisses against his neck and jaw until you worked your way back up to his pink lips, you ghosted over them with your own, only barely pressing them down and pulling a whine from Peter when you pulled away to look at him with a teasing grin.

“So say your lovely girlfriend does get sent to an alternate reality… would you follow?” Within a second of your question, Peter had flipped your positions so that your back was against the mattress and the man in question was hovering on top of you with a cheeky grin.

“Sweet cheeks, I’d follow you anywhere.” He told you and you giggled at the stupid pet name before pulling him down to kiss you.

Your eyes fluttering shut as you murmured against his lips, “I love you, idiot.”

Softly, Peter tucked a strand of hair behind your ear.

“I love you too.

*

It was safe to say that the mission was a complete failure. As you’d thought, the mutant Charles wanted to befriend turned out to have plans of his own, one of those plans being to throw you head first into a different dimension, apparently.

As much as it pained you to admit; Peter was right.

Fuck, he was probably going out of his mind with worry. You kicked yourself internally, not believing that you’d actually been careless enough to get caught out by the burly mutant. Not that it was entirely your fault, now that you thought about it actually, it was pretty much entirely Charles’ fault for doing his usual; not listening to you. You warned him it wouldn’t work, yet he sent you in anyway. If he didn’t find a way to get you home soon you’d… well, you weren’t really sure what you’d do. Probably find Peter and tell him you love him then go kick Charles’ ass.

Dreams of giving your professor the biggest telling off of his life came to a crashing halt when you took in your new surroundings. It seemed you’d been regurgated out in the middle of some run down town, if you didn’t know any better you would’ve thought you were still in your own reality, but unfortunately, you did know better.

There was something wrong, or if not already, something was about to go very wrong in the little town. You could feel it. Someone very powerful was about to lose control of themselves. You couldn’t exactly tell the future but you had something of a disaster radar that told you when shit was about to hit the fan.

With nothing else to do, you decided to follow the feeling as it led you to a red car.

Noticing a woman in the driver’s seat, you approached cautiously. When she noticed you walking towards her she rolled down the passenger side window, looking at you with a questioning gaze.

“Sorry to intrude,” You told her genuinely, “It’s just I thought that maybe someone needed help.” You bet around the bush slightly, you knew it was the redhead in front of you that needed help but it wasn’t in your nature to use your powers to demand someone to spill their souls to you.

When her eyes lit up red, you didn’t startle. The feeling of someone poking around your thoughts wasn’t a new sensation to you, Charles seldom knew when to mind his own business, so the fact that the woman before you was reading your mind hardly phased you.

“I’ve got abilities too.” You told her with a small smile before going on, her eyes back to normal and her form more relaxed.

She nodded in understanding, “You’re very far from home, no?” Her tone was sympathetic and you let out a humourless laugh.

“That might be an understatement. Pretty morbid thinking I’ll probably never find my way home.” It was only when you spoke the words that it really hit you that the chances of returning home were slim to none. You’d probably never see the love of your life again, you’d probably have to wave goodbye to any possibility of having a future with your speedster.

Catching onto your miserable train of thought, Wanda leaned over and opened the passenger door for you, motioning for you to get in. Gratefully, you took the stranger up on her offer.

“I’ve lost everything too.” She confessed and you weren’t sure why but you felt the need to comfort her, once again following your instincts, you squeezed her hand and to your surprise, she reciprocated the action.

“My name is Wanda, by the way.” She introduced herself and you responded with a kind smile.

“I’m Y/n. It’s nice to meet you.”

With a deep breath, Wanda squeezed your hand one last time, then turned to face you. “I have to do something. Will you wait here until I come back? I believe we could be of some help to each other.”

“Of course. Take your time, I’ll wait for as long as you need.” You promised her. Watching as she took another shaky breath and got out of the car and made her way towards the foundation of a house.

After about a minute, Wanda fell to her knees. And then you saw nothing but scarlet.

*

Life in WestView was good. Sure, there were some holes in your memory, but other than that, things were good.

You had a nice house, right next to Wanda’s, your hair seemed to style itself most of the time and the nightmares that plagued you were hardly ever your own. Things were fine.

Being blissfully ignorant was good enough for you for a number of days, until a familiar face caused all of your hopes of living happily unaware to crumble to the ground.

You’d been over at Wanda and Visions house for dinner when he’d knocked on the door. Standing on Wanda’s front porch was the one and only, Peter Maximoff. Your Peter. The person you loved the most and your ticket home.

The second his brown eyes locked on yours you’d been so sure. You would’ve bet your life that the person playing Wanda’s twin was Peter.

Perhaps your fatal flaw was wishful thinking as the hope of your love coming to rescue you, however romantic, was naive.

It hit you like a freight train, that realisation. You were truly and completely alone, for when WestView fell it took all of your hope with it.

He wasn’t Peter and he never had been. Sure, he had his face, his body, his personality and even his superspeed… but he wasn’t him.

When you’d uncovered his true identity with Monica, a part of you shattered on the spot. A familiar, decolate feeling washed over you in the moment and you weren’t sure if you’d even bother to carry on.

It was the kind of gut wrenching feeling of being so disappointed to the point where it physically hurt. It was the pain of truly accepting that he hadn’t actually followed you into another reality, that maybe your love wasn’t strong enough to warrent a visit to another reality and it was the pain of knowing that his life would go on without you.

The X-Men would encourage him to move on and, you had a fair idea of how it would go, he’d fight them relentlessly but eventually he’d cave, he’d let Jean set him up on a date and then he’d go from there, however reluctantly.

And you? You’d simply be a name lost in time. The one they think about, from time to time. You’d be spared nothing more than, “I wonder how she’s doing’ or ‘whatever happened to that girl? Remember the one?”, but life would go on without you.

That sting, you knew, would never leave you. As hope was dangerous and unreliable and painful you made yourself a promise, you wouldn’t hold out for a knight in shining armour to come rescue you. All you could do now was find a way to live. By yourself.

PART 2

[piningeddiediaz]

What do you like about Pynch?

hi! anon, I love this question. I stared at it for a bit not really sure how to put it into words tbh but I'll try.

my favourite dynamic is always 'saw the worst parts of you and loved you anyway'. pynch weren't exactly enemies-friends-to-lovers but they were, imo, a mellowed version of it. they saw the bad, shitty, would-put-anyone-else-off side of each other first, and not only loved each other despite it but because of it. so much of ronan's internal conflict was the religious guilt associated with his powers, him not understanding his powers and sometimes thinking of it as a curse. and then you contrast it with adam; he is constantly awed by ronan's abilities. adam parrish, logical to a fault, "a scientist" who only believes in things when he has proof, barely takes a second to believe ronan can take things out of his dreams, or ronan dreamt his baby brother, or ronan dreamt the magical sentient forest he is attached to. why? because it's ronan, because to adam ronan is magic.

similarly, adam is stubborn and guarded and prideful. he doesnt think he is capable of love - either giving or receiving - because he never witnessed it himself. he thinks of himself as destructive. as someone unworthy. someone not special. but everytime ronan talks about Adam it's like he is describing the eighth wonder of the world. neither of them ignore each other's flaws (on the contrary, they constantly call each other out) but they also understand each other. accept each other. support each other. ronan understands adam's need to leave, as much as he believes killing himself for aglionby is stupid. adam understands ronan's contempt for school, or his need to street race, or his need to be at the barns. they don't necessarily agree with each other, but they understand each other. no other person in the series has displayed this: gansey takes adam's refusal to move in with him or take help from him personally, takes ronan's refusal to go to school as some kind of cry for attention. everyone in the series treats the two of them as something/someone to be fixed so that they fit the traditional idea of 'stable and healthy' but the two of them understand in their own way that they both have this trauma that can't be fixed. they both have something to prove, and they support each other through it.

ronan finds out about aglionby increasing fees before adam himself does, and immediately figures out adam wont be able to afford it. he tries to help without ever taking any credit for it (unlike someone who had to mention paying adam's hospital bill at a very vulnerable moment). he notices adam's dry hands and dreams him hand cream. he keeps adam company at boyds or st agnes. and through it all he never ever expects anything in return. he understands that adam only takes what he can give back, and he doesnt have a lot to give back, so he takes without making it feel like an obligation. but Adam does give back. he makes time in his very busy schedule to help ronan at the barns. he makes cabeswater play ronan's shitty music to see him smile. he lets ronan take, and he lets himself accept. they just. they balance each other out.

to me, that is what love is. seeing the bad parts, the parts other people may not like and loving them anyway, not because it is an obligation or whatever, but because it is what makes them them. you know them, you accept them, and you help them grow. love is memorising facts about harvard despite you having no desire or attraction towards education because it would make him feel better. love is pushing yourself to the limits to make sure he is okay even though he was acting like an asshole with you. love is making a home for yourself in the place he loves the most, of promising to come back even though before him all you wanted to do was leave. they love each other on purpose.

[ashdumpsterpile]

Ohmygod YES Susan Pevensie is awesome please talk to me about Susan i want to know everything you have to say

Literally THANK YOU for asking me this bc Susan Pevensie is a character I never get asked about and I have So Many Opinions.

I'm going to start by saying that Susan used to be my least favorite character in the series. This goes for the books and the movies. Some of it was for personal reasons--she reminds me of a couple of annoying ppl I know irl--but it was also bc I watched Prince Caspian which shoehorned her into a relationship with Caspian which I hated.

HOWEVER. I ended up rethinking this position after interacting with Susan fans and realizing that there are so many wonderful things to love about her!

(putting under the cut bc this got long)

Things Ash Loves About Susan Pevensie

Aight I'm not going to do a formal analysis yet on her, but instead rant about some of the unrelated things I adore about Susan Pevensie.

Susan the Archer

Look we all love archery here. I don't have anything more to say.

Okay, I actually do have more to say. I love the fact that Susan is a complete badass with the bow. You get the general impression that she's one of the royals in charge of public relations, traditions, foreign policy, etc. and yet she's the most competent archer in the series. One of the few things I liked about the movies is how they didn't downplay this. They actually let her be a badass and show off her skills.

Also the part where she kicks Trumpkin's ass was awesome.

Susan the Gentle

Susan being the most passive Pevensie was something I definitely underappreciated as a teenager. I think my non-ability to see past "I'm not like other girls" narrative and the combination of Susan being described as the most traditionally feminine woman in the Narnia series is what initially turned me off from her.

HOWEVER, now it's one of my favorite attributes! I love that Susan is a badass and the most beautiful woman in Narnia. She has hair down to her feet, every man and woman in the kingdom want to fuck her, and she's still a fucking badass who will not hesitate to kick your ass.

Susan the Sister

Most of my thoughts of Susan as an older sister mostly stem from my own personal headcanons, but she is an awesome sister to her siblings. She's Peter's voice of reason, Edmund's sass partner, and Lucy's big sister.

Susan the Mom-Friend

She is a literal mother-figure for Corin.

"[...] the most beautiful lady he had ever seen rose from her place and threw her arms round him and kissed him, saying: "Oh Corin, Corin, how could you? And thou and I such close friends ever since thy mother died. [...]"

-The Horse and His Boy, 33-34

Most everything I have to say about this ventures into headcanon territory, but I love the idea of Susan basically adopting Corin after his mom dies. The way she trusts Cor--who she thinks is Corin in this chapter--is really sweet and I wish we could've seen more of that relationship.

Susan the Flawed

Something I notice from the fandom is a lot of people who hate Susan tend to because of her flaws. On the other hand, most Susan stans like to wave away these flaws and blame C.S. Lewis for being misogynistic or Aslan for being a "cruel god" and ignore the fact that she is a deeply flawed person.

Susan gets something of a "reverse redemption arc" in The Chronicles of Narnia. This makes her not only a fascinating foil to Edmund--as both are analytical, logical people--but an interesting character by herself.

She starts out in TWW as very skeptical of Narnia and it's whole deal and also very condescending to Lucy throughout. She ultimately does admit that Lucy was right and does get on board with the whole prophecy at the same time Peter does, and ends the book being crowned "the Gentle Queen."

In The Horse and His Boy, she has a very interesting dynamic with Edmund and in even more interesting relationship with Rabadash. They don't even interact on-page with each other, but it's highly implied that she was interested in him when he was a guest in Narnia. His behavior obviously changed when she visited him in Tashbaan, but you have to wonder what their dynamic was like before for her to travel all the way to his home when relations between the countries were strained at best.

Prince Caspian is where the cracks start showing through. Susan has lived an entire life as an adult in Narnia, gets thrown back to England with her siblings, and is yet again in Narnia as a child. This book is what really emphasizes her one fatal flaw: convenience.

(Put a pin in that thought, I'll get back to it.)

Susan denies once again that Lucy saw something that the rest of them can't seen. She continues this narrative until every other sibling finally acknowledges Lucy in the right and only then does she apologize.

The last mention of Susan is in The Last Battle, where all of her flaws rise up against her in the worst way possible. I have a lot of controversial opinions on this that I'm going to address later, but I just want to say that Susan's reverse-redemption arc is something I actually like about her.

(There is also evidence that Susan does get a full redemption arc, just as Edmund and Eustace did, but C.S. Lewis was pretty much done with The Chronicles of Narnia at the point and instead encouraged fans to write their own version of how that went down.)

Okay, back to convenience being Susan's fatal flaw. So the one thing that comes up time and time again in the series is that Susan is very focused on material comforts. I believe it's implied that she's vain, and it's canonical that her own personal comfort spurs her to make decisions.

"[...] I really believed it was him — he, I mean — yesterday. When he warned us not to go down to the fir wood. And I really believed it was him tonight, when you woke us up. I mean, deep down inside. Or I could have, if I'd let myself. But I just wanted to get out of the woods and — and — oh, I don't know [...]"

Prince Caspian, 81

Prince Caspian has the strongest examples of Susan doing this, but certainly there's evidence elsewhere. There are a lot of fans who are distressed by this, claiming that Aslan and the others are too hard on her and shouldn't judge.

Honestly, I like that she's written with this flaw. Not only is it very relatable--(my own personal comfort and convenience is something I highly prioritize too)--but it humanizes a character who otherwise is ridiculously op and basically the Helen of Troy of the series. It may sound like I'm using this as an excuse to rant, but I really wouldn't have her any other way.

Susan As Portrayed by Anna Popplewell

Movie!Susan is a fucking delight.

She's sarcastic and badass and awesome and I could spend hours heaping praise on Anna's acting and her portrayal of Susan, but I can already tell that this post is going to be long so, I'll just stop here.

(10/10 want to be stabbed by her tho.)

Personal Headcanons

Let's talk about my fanon thoughts. I have many.

Susan is Aro

There's canonical evidence for this! Susan is a character who is heavily pursued by suitors everywhere, and even lets herself be courted by many of them, but chooses not to settle down. Even when she gets back to England and is described as only having interest in parties and material things, boys aren't mentioned.

I like to think that in The Horse in His Boy Susan was interested in Rabadash at first because he was a brilliant conversationalist. Nothing she says about him implies romantic interest, before and after she realizes the truth of his intentions.

Susan and Edmund Were Best Friends

This might be my love for The Horse and His Boy showing itself, but I think Susan and Edmund were thrown into circumstances where they interacted the most with each other.

Edmund is the ruler in charge of politics. Susan is the ruler in charge of Cair Paravel's public image. I imagine they spent time as ambassadors to other countries and planning royal functions.

They're also the most level-headed and logical out of their siblings, so they probably found a lot in common.

Susan Fancast

I literally just said I loved Anna's potrayal of Susan's (and I love what they gave us of older Susan too in LWW!), but I read the books in 2008 and my parents didn't let me see the movies bc I was like...nine years old and they thought it would be too scary.

So I had to headcanon my own interpretations.

Queen Susan the Gentle:

For some reason Merlin wasn't too scary for me to watch and I fell in love with Katie McGrath in like. Two episodes so. (On an unrelated note, I also fancast Bradley James as Peter at the time.)

Anyway, fanon Susan is basically Morgana Pendragon pre-evil arc. Sassy as hell, hot as fuck, and can kick your ass.

Unpopular Opinions

Yeah, feel free to skip this part if having controversial fandom opinions is a deal breaker for you.

The Problem With Susan Isn't Actually A Problem

I'm about to start so much discourse in the Narnia fandom, but C.S. Lewis's choices with her in The Last Battle weren't misogynistic. Bear in mind, I'm not saying that all of his writing choices in the series were A++ or excusing away certain racist/sexiest bits, but it's honestly baffling to me that people are so up in arms over Susan's exclusion in the final book.

So the part that everyone loses their shit over is as follows:

"My sister Susan," answered Peter shortly and gravely, "is no longer a friend of Narnia."

"Yes," said Eustace, "and whenever you've tried to get her to come and talk about Narnia or do anything about Narnia, she says 'What wonderful memories you have! Fancy your still thinking about all those funny games we used to play when we were children.'"

"Oh Susan!" said Jill, "she's interested in nothing now-a-days except nylons and lipstick and invitations. She always was a jolly sight too keen on being grown-up."

"Grown-up, indeed," said the Lady Polly. "I wish she would grow up. She wasted all her school time wanting to be the age she is now, and she'll waste all the rest of her life trying to stay that age. Her whole idea is to race on to the silliest time of one's life as quick as she can and then stop there as long as she can."

The Last Battle, 83-84

There's a lot to unpack here and I first want to say that everyone's opinion on this part, no matter how different than mine, is valid. I'm going to be quoting some other ppl's opinions on here and by no means am I bashing them. I just want to address my feelings on the matter and the best way to do that is to cite the thoughts of ppl who have opposing ideas.

Here are some arguments on Tumblr I've heard regarding "The Problem of Susan":

"How about we talk about what might have happened if Narnia hadn't deserted Susan? [...] What if we didn't tell Susan she had to go grow up in her own world and then shame and punish her for doing just that? She was told to walk away and she went. She did not try to stay a child all her life, wishing for something she had been told she couldn't have again."

"Narnia is filled with metaphors (often not very subtle ones) that are supposed to teach us how to be, and the most glaring one for any young girl to absorb is that it's okay to be a girl like Lucy, unthreatening and cheerful and valiant and faithful, but to be a girl like Susan gets you punished - in fact, you aren't just punished, you're destroyed."

"why do we call it ‘the problem’ where’s the problem about a young woman dealing with her trauma and choosing her own path, actively making the choice to keep living and to stay and to carve a life out in England when her siblings couldn’t? what is the problem about susan forgetting to somehow cope with what she’s experienced? why is it ‘the problem of susan’ that she recontextualised her faith?"

And then there's JK Rowling who said this:

There comes a point where Susan, who was the older girl, is lost to Narnia because she becomes interested in lipstick. She's become irreligious basically because she found sex. I have a big problem with that.

It's weird how I'm still finding new ways to hate JKR in the year 2021. Again, there is absolutely zero implication that Susan had sex when she came back to England. ZERO. Did she actually read the books? IDK. If someone shares this opinion pls reply with actual canonical evidence.

Back on topic, I'm a firm believer of death of the author and interpreting art via your own experiences. Which is why I'm also going to share my own interpretation by saying y'all are wrong.

Susan Pevensie was not abandoned by Narnia. She was not barred from Narnia because she is traditionally feminine or because she "owned her sexuality" (another opinion I didn't have time to condense down for this post) or because she recontextualized her faith or even because she deserved to be punished.

I also fail to see how Susan recontexualized her faith, as the entire point of it all is that she has none. Bringing this back to Susan's fatal flaw (personal convenience/material comforts), her prioritizing herself over her own faith is the reason she is "no longer a friend of Narnia." Not...whatever fanon y'all are imposing on her character.

Susan is not being punished for liking lipstick and looking pretty. Susan's not even being punished. Y'all read Neil Gaiman's The Problem of Susan and forgot it wasn't canon.

There are many reasons Susan is not in Aslan's Country (one of them being that she's not actually dead yet), but the main one has to do with this:

"[...] But there I have another name. You must learn to know me by that name. This was the very reason why you were brought to Narnia, that by knowing me here for a little, you may know me better there.”

Voyage of the Dawn Treader, 215-216

Yeah, okay that's why Susan is no longer a friend of Narnia. The implication when the Pevensies are told that they can no longer enter Narnia is that they are to find Aslan in other places. Susan doesn't do this, instead choosing to focus her life on material things. It isn't the lipstick, it's that she only wants the lipstick.

Susan Had Sex In The Books

Oh and not in the context y'all are thinking. (Again, there are no implications that Susan was barred from Narnia for having sex or that she had sex when she came back to England.)

So there's actual canonical evidence that Susan and Rabadash had a sexual relationship. Sort of.

"What think you? We have been in this city fully three weeks. Have you yet settled in your mind whether you will marry this dark-faced lover of yours, this Prince Rabadash, or no?"

-The Horse and His Boy, 35

Edmund calls Rabadash her lover. Not her suitor. I don't know if the word had a different meaning in 1954, but it feels like C.S. Lewis is saying that they're fucking. I'm not really happy with the idea of Susan sleeping with an abuser, but really proud of her for Getting Some as a woman born in a time period where having premarital sex was a big no-no.

This also invalidates the weird opinion going on that Susan was barred from Narnia because she had sex.

Suspian Is The Worst

I haven't really talked about Movie!Susan much, but as long as we're talking unpopular opinions, it's worth noting that I hate Suspian. Some of it is the "Susan is Aro" headcanon screaming inside of me, but it's also the fact that it's written poorly, does nothing interesting for either character and generally comes across as awkward.

I feel like they were trying to make Prince Caspian sexy and relevant to teens. It came across as super heteronormative and unnecessary.

It also gets really really weird bc the next movie then gives Caspian and Edmund mad chemistry and we're all just like........ok.

Final Thoughts

Susan may not be my favorite character in the series, but she's grown on me over the years. I have many issues with fanon interpretations of her--which definately fueled some of my disdain for her initally--and I don't identify as a Susan Apologist.

I do however adore Susan and have many headcanons for her not mentioned here. I love reading fanfic, writing fanfic and meta, and generally having conversations about her and would love to talk more about it.

I welcome criticism (CONSTRUCTIVE) and conversation on all of my opinions and observations. Please drop into my inbox. <3

[sometimesrosy]

Hey. It's been a long time since I had a question. Maybe the 100's demise was the reason.

Now coming to my actual query. This past year I have binged numerous shows ranging from American to korean dramas or Turkish dizis. There is certain thing that I have felt and noticed throughout i.e., the woman characters aren't given even a slight leeway by the audience. If the even make a slight mistake, the audience remembers it always to stand against that character. Whereas if there is a male villain, people gets cheerful seeing even a slight bit of humanity in him. They even wait for its redemption.

Let me take an example of a Turkish show "kara sevda(black love)". A one line synopsis can be put like- two leads who love each other endlessly but can never be together. So, the villain in that show is beyond redemption. That character has fallen so far off that there is no coming back. But still when he is playing with a baby, people's comments are like 'best moment of the show.' 'see he is such a good person'. 'the female lead should accept his love'. Am like what?

And if I tell you about the female lead. She is a good person at heart who is sacrificing love for family. And she is labelled "selfish" by audience. 'She doesn't deserve the male lead' etc. And you know I too felt like that for the majority of the show until I reached the point of self reflect.

Even Clarke from the 100 faced so much hate that there wasn't any visible backlash when in the end the makers made her a villain. The backlash was for Bellamy death and stupid end instead.

Looking through tv series, it's so easy to see why tv or films doesn't have female anti heroes. Male anti heroes are so easy to find and also widely successful like Damon from tvd or Klaus.

What is your take?

Yup!

Yes.

Definitely.

You are absolutely correct. The leeway for female characters to show human imperfection is very, very thin. Meanwhile, a guy can literally blow up a planet, kill his beloved father, have temper tantrums with kicking and screaming and torture the female main characters and fandom-- and the creators-- think that makes him a hero. And the requirements for his redemption, if there are any at all amounts to:

WOOPSIE! I'M SOWWY.

I simply do NOT understand that phenomenon.

I mean, I get the need to relate to darker characters, morally gray characters, to explore our own negative impulses...but the whole tendency is, for me anyway, given a more sinister light when you compare how the audience tends to treat these outright villainous male characters compared to even SLIGHTLY morally gray female characters. Maybe just flawed.

It also interferes with satisfying redemption arcs. Because YES watching someone face their dark past and attempt to become better and be redeemed is a great story... but if male characters only have to wear a cape and be hot to be redeemed.... then that's not a satisfying redemption arc. And if women can't do ANYTHING to be redeemed because they are considered irredeemably selfish or whatever for the same flaws someone's Hot Dark Badboy smirks about and isn't even sorry for? Then we barely even get redemption stories for women.

And that's part of the problem, isn't it? Women aren't allowed the same representation as men... even as flawed characters.

The point of good representation is not to represent only the best, most perfect, most desirable, most successful type of people. The point is to allow everyone of any sex, race, gender, sexuality, religion, class, ability, etc to take part in the full spectrum of humanity in our stories, good and bad and mediocre. A female Mary Sue is just the female version your general male hero. One is considered bad storytelling the other is taken as The Way It Should Be.

Women are not allowed to have flaws in most of our pop culture, or women are ghettoized into only women's fic or romance or YA, or women take backseat to male villains, or whatever.

I'm writing a book where the woman abandoned her child, and she sleeps around and cons people and avoids commitment. I purposely wrote her to be unlikable.... or rather, she's not unlikable, she's clever and funny and weird, but she has characteristics that women aren't supposed to have. She essentially acts like a male anti-hero, until her call to action and she is forced to face her past mistakes. But I know that these are things that audiences say are irredeemable for women. Abandon her own child?? No. Not allowed. Even though plenty of male characters go off on adventures leaving wife and child behind and it isn't even considered a character flaw, just... a male adventurer. Or honestly, just a guy. Sure one who's imperfect, but that old ball and chain was probably the worst, right? He had to move on and now he has a tragic backstory and complexity and oh the audience will probably either want to be him or want to be with him, because, that's how these things work.

Not saying that characters shouldn't be dark, do bad things, have flaws, be anti-heroes, have redemption arcs, or have a deep, multilayered villainy.

But I am saying we might want to be a little more critical about what we consider irredeemable for certain people and what war crimes and abuse we let some characters get away with in the name of bold (white) masculinity.

IS the nature of being a (white) man we look up to someone who destroys other people?

I think that toxic masculinity IS seen as sexy. Unfortunately, that's one of the reasons it's seeped into our culture. Manly (white) men who abandon kids and kill without remorse, but with muscles. Manly (white) men who murder whole regions because bad things happened to them, and smolder while doing it. Manly (white) men who commit genocide regularly, but fall for the heroine and save her once. Manly (white) men who are serial killers but with an intriguing depth.

tbh there's lots more to say on the topic, some of it very controversial. These are the stories we like to hear and the characters we love. And it might be rooted in the toxic masculinity that our society has been selling to us as propaganda for decades, if not centuries-- but we don't like to be told to examine our biases, our tastes, our preferences, or our beliefs. It's threatening to our sense of self.

However, that is how you unravel all sorts of toxic belief systems, from misogyny to racism to homophobia to bigotry of all kinds. I added the (white) to this post after I read through it, because I realized non white male characters are not allowed this leeway, either. So this phenomenon is generally (not always) limited to white men. Why?????

my theory? we're still making the colonialists the heroes of the story, friends.

[sylvie--laufeydottir]

an obligatory analysis of sylvie’s character (aka: who betrayed who?)

in case you can’t tell, i like sylvie. but here’s a big fuckin post where i share my thoughts on her role in the finale in a sort of disjointed kind of way.

NOTE: this isn’t about sylki. i don’t ship it personally, but that isn’t really relevant to this at all. this also doesn’t go into the criticisms i have of the show because this isn’t really the place for that. maybe i can do that later, whatever.

also, this is gonna be a long post. i have a lot of thoughts.

sylvie’s introduction and motivations

one of the first things we learn about sylvie is her opposition to the tva. (okay, it’s literally the first thing, whatever.) in episode 3, we get to see her entire plan - overthrow whoever’s running the tva, and... that’s it. loki questions her about the power vacuum that would leave, to which she shows that she’s not interested in running the tva. (this is also stated in ep 2.) her goals are clear. she wants rid of the entire organisation, and doesn’t care about or want the sort of power that would come with pulling the strings.

her reasoning for this seems pretty simple. she doesn’t want the power ruling the tva would entail because she knows what it’s like to be on the other end of that deal. she had everything taken from her as a child, and doesn’t want that to happen to anybody else. she believes that that kind of power belongs to nobody, not even herself.

this easily establishes her as a character who, despite having an ego, has principles that trump everything else. she’s very dedicated to her cause; the ‘never at the expense of the mission’ line in ep 3 just states it out loud. her entire life has been dedicated to this cause. this is a good time to segue into the next section...

sylvie’s personality, character and flaws

she’s fuckin stabby.

despite only really being present for 4 out of the 6 episodes of the show, we manage to get a pretty good idea of sylvie’s personality right from the start thanks to episode 3 being largely a character study with both her and loki. she’s shown as a very competent and strong character - however, contrary to marvel’s guidebook on writing female characters, those aren’t personality traits. what we actually see of her is that she’s very confident, and has a tendency to be rude or dismissive of other people. episode 3 has a bunch of examples of this, but the easiest one to point to is the fireworks scene. after loki does something nice to cheer her up, something which visibly works, her response is to waive it away as ‘not bad’.

her coldness in this scene even after bonding with loki is likely due to her upbringing. sylvie spent the majority of her life, including her childhood, on the run, unable to form relationships with people who weren’t moments away from dying. it feels a bit redundant for me to point this out, but this is, as they say in the medical field, mega fucking traumatic. not only did sylvie not have the opportunity to form these kinds of connections, she couldn’t even develop the ability to form them. loki is a bandaid to cover a bullet hole in this regard, one she needs years to heal from. while she does bond with him to an extent, she is physically unable to trust him to the point where they can be considered close.

another thing we learn about sylvie is that she’s very violent - and that she enjoys it. being a character that grew up running from an organisation that wanted her dead, it makes sense for her first instinct to be confrontational. however, despite having to fight to survive, she visibly takes pleasure from fighting. this was brought up in an interview with sophia (that i am not going to link here, because tumblr is kind of a hellsite and i’m not in the mood for that today). here’s a nice extract instead.

“She's not trained like Loki is,” Di Martino continues. “She can't do some of the flourishes that he would, but she's figured out how to brawl. She's a street fighter and she loves it. That was a really great key to unlocking part of Sylvie for me, was how much she just loves a fight. She knows that she's either going to win, or if she isn't going to win, she'll survive. She's that damaged character who's dangerous because she knows she can survive.”

her tendency towards violence is actually a key part of sylvie’s character. this works as both a strength and a flaw. on the one hand, she’s able to survive scrapes most other characters wouldn’t, and she knows that. she’s not one to freeze in most (note: most) scenarios, because she knows what to expect. on the other hand, violence isn’t always the answer, and she’s very unlikely to consider any other option than a fight.

her enchantment abilities tie into this - they’re another weapon for her to use, and one she’s not afraid to call on. however, her eagerness to enchant people without hesitation puts her in a pretty bad place morally. her enchantment clearly leaves hunter c-20 traumatised, and yet she’s more than willing to enchant people for the sake of the mission. she’s also relatively dismissive of human sentient lives. an early example of this is in episode 2, where loki asks her if the person she had enchanted was dead, to which she responds with a casual ‘they usually survive’. additionally, she’s more than willing to fight the guards on the train in episode 3, despite them seeing her as a threat for completely understandable reasons.

in the case of the guards, her reasoning for placing such little value on their lives is likely that they’re about to die anyways. everyone on lamentis is doomed, so from her point of view, whether they die at her hands or at the hands of the moon from majora’s mask isn’t really important. however, c-20 is a different story. sylvie places next to no value on the lives of the tva’s workers, content to slaughter them en masse for the sake of her goal. this is despite her knowing that every one of the tva workers is a variant plucked from the sacred timeline. this sets up a weird sort of transactional nature in how sylvie views other people - to her, they’re less important than the mission, and she doesn’t hesitate to eliminate threats.

was this a long section? this was a long section. i would like to call back to the fact that this is not a sylki post for this next part. and also to praise anyone that got this far, because fucking hell, is this excessively long or what? who would have the time to write this out?

sylvie’s bond with loki

i want to go back to that whole thing about her relationship with loki. he’s the first person she’s really spoken to since she was a child who isn’t about to face imminent death. furthermore, despite their differences, they have quite a lot in common - enough to hit it off surprising well for two people who kind of want to kill each other. they’re able to relate on common ground like frigga, and even though they clash due to loki’s initial carelessness, they’re overall able to get along well enough aside from occasional bickering. the blanket scene from episode 5 is probably the best example of this. sylvie allows herself, albeit briefly, to be vulnerable around loki.

except, not really. one of the first things she does is tries to ensure he won’t betray her. i’ve seen somebody cite this before as proof that her fondness towards him isn’t real, and that she was planning on betraying him from the start, hence why it was on her mind. that’s definitely possible, but i think it’s far more likely that it’s just her difficulties connecting to people stopping her from feeling safe around him even as they share a nice moment. she really does seem to care about loki - an easy example of this is her asking how he is during episode 4 without being prompted. she’s just unable to properly process these kinds of feelings due to an incomprehensible amount of trauma. as loki puts it, she can’t trust.

and loki can’t be trusted. she knows - or at least, thinks she knows - his nature as a trickster and a villain. loki embodies a part of sylvie that she considers herself completely separate from; the tva-approved liar whose purpose is to bring out the best in others. while she does show him more decency than to treat him like that, at the end of the day, he represents something that makes her deeply uncomfortable, hence her rejection of the loki name. despite what they have in common, loki is an incredibly difficult person to trust, especially for somebody who has deep-rooted trust issues. so, this brings us onto...

who betrayed who?

so, sylvie and loki make it to kang’s castle. after all this time, she’s finally about to reach her life’s goal. she’s clearly nervous - this is out of her comfort zone, unlike most fights. loki reassures her, and they head in. they meet kang, learn the true nature of the tva, have the opportunity to kill him...

and loki stops her.

loki’s motivations are left ambiguous. the uncharitable interpretation is that he wants to rule the tva for himself, as per kang’s offer. he’s expressed such an interest to sylvie before. for the loki we know in avengers 1, this seems perfectly in character.

however, for the loki we’ve seen in the show, there’s a different option. he believes kang’s threat that there are multiple of him, and that killing him won’t solve anything. to him, he isn’t willing to risk unknown horrors for the sake of taking his revenge out on kang. this is the loki who offered diplomacy and guile to counteract sylvie’s brute force.

but sylvie, who can’t trust, assumes the worst.

to her, loki was the one who betrayed her. they had a plan - find whoever pulls the strings, and destroy them. to her, loki’s hesitation isn’t caution, but treachery. taking kang’s offer to rule the tva is exactly what she thinks she should’ve expected from the guy who hurts everybody who loves him. her fight or flight responses kick in, and she chooses the one she always chooses. loki’s attempts to reassure her fall on deaf ears, not just because she doesn’t want to trust him, but because she’s physically incapable of it. she makes the short-sighted decision of brute force, just like she did back on lamentis, because it’s all she���s ever known, and the cause she’s dedicated her life to.

from the outside, it looks like sylvie was the one who betrayed loki, but things look pretty different from where she’s standing.

this is why i take issue with people calling sylvie a ‘villain’ or questioning whether this was her plan for the start. in my opinion, her motivations line up pretty clearly as a creature of habit, one who panics at the first hint of smoke and pushes away the first person she’s been able to bond with for the sake of self-preservation. did she make the wrong decision? unquestionably - the effects of her actions will no doubt plague the multiverse (and the mcu, for us) for as long as they go unchecked. but she made the only decision she was capable of making, and that’s not villainous, just tragic.

conclusion

well, this is a kind of depressing way to finish this post. for what it’s worth, though, i don’t think sylvie is a doomed character. regardless of how brief it was, she did show a real connection with loki. just because something requires a lot of healing doesn’t make it impossible. this is why i like sylvie as a character so much; she’s deeply flawed and complex, but that complexity makes her interesting, and relatable. marvel has a long history of sexy lamps and supposed ‘tortured backstories’, but sylvie is the first time they paid attention to this with their character writing without having to give somebody a wholeass prequel movie. with loki confirmed to appear in multiverse of madness, i’m hoping we see more of sylvie - not as a villain, but as a hero who can overcome her past experiences and rise to better things.

or maybe another kang shows up and kills her immediately. who knows.

[hanniiesuckle17]

Watching the Bay

A/n: lowkey a baywatch au........really just wanted to write 3RACHA as Baywatch.......guys there is so much jisung on my m.list........oh well I'm whipped. enjoy lots of shirtless jisung. (not thoroughly edited. I will come back and edit it) ALSO THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH FOR 2K FOLLOWERS WTFFF!!!!! 

Tag List: @distrikt9​ @mini-meanhoe​ @poeticallyspaghetti​ @hanstagrams​ @desertofdessert​  @yangomangos​ @jisungsjheekies​ @straycozy​ @hoes4hoseok​  @jeonqqin​ @geminirules​ @crscendoforsung​ @mrsunshine999​ @multi-net​ (Tag List is Open!)  (Some are specifically for this fic tho lol)

Warnings: cussing, shirtless 3RACHA, 18+ themes/suggestive, drugs, violence

Word Count: 14.1K

Summary: Based on the hit Tv show and movie Baywatch. Y/n and her friends Jeongin and Hyunjin have been coming to Cheonsa Beach every summer since they met. This summer the steamy lifeguard Y/n has had a crush on convinces them to join the watch. As the new guards of the Baywatch join the force their lives are skyrocketed into a world of chaos, crime, sex, and lots of good ol’ beach vibes.

Genre: romance, minor crack, comedy, lil bit of angst, Baywatch!au, lifeguard!au, college!au?

❖

Three years. Every summer I would come back to this same beach and spend the long hot days on the sand with my two best friends. This summer would be no different. Hyunjin, Jeongin, and I were about to be college sophomores and we were on top of the world. Well, two of us were anyway.

“Yoo-hoo. Head out of the clouds, Y/n.” Hyunjin said, waving his hand in front of my face. Shaking my head I brought myself out of the dreamy summer trance I was in. Hyunjin took the basket from hands and set down all our beach stuff. 

“Sorry, just dazed off for a second.” 

“Well, Ms. Space Cadet, you wanna help us set up, or are you just gonna stand there?” Hyunjin elbowed me, with a smirk. Scoffing, I picked up the beach chair and unfolded it before laying out the towels on the sand.

“Uhhh...guys! A little help here!”

Turning around we saw Jeongin struggling to carry a huge pile of stuff from my beat-up old blue jeep. Scurrying over, I lightened my other best friend’s load. “Come on, guys! We have tanning to do!” Hyunjin called already stripping himself of his shirt.

“More like burns to be received,” Jeongin said to me with a smile. Laughing the two of us joined Hyunjin after finishing out beach set up. Soft tunes played from the speaker Hyunjin brought as the three of us lounged on beach towels in the sun. Jeongin lay on his back, white sunglasses shielding him from the sun. Hyunjin and I lay on our stomachs, feeling the rays on our backs. 

“Guard alert,” Hyunjin said, causing all three of our heads to pop up. “Damn...” He whispered under his breath. Like he said, coming our direction down the waterline were three of  Cheonsa Beach’s finest lifeguards. And quite frankly...all three were hotter than the sun itself.

I pushed my shades down my nose and watched as the three boys- no...three men ran down the beach. Hyunjin did the same.

First on the closest side, Seo Changbin. The shortest of the group, but he was not lacking in form. The boy was built like He-Man on steroids, with a smile that could melt any strong resolved woman- or man. There were rumors he played for both teams.

Falling center was Bang Chan, the oldest of the trio. His light blonde hair bounced with each step. He was not only the kindest man you would ever meet, but he could send the most innocent girl begging for him to show him his dark side. He was the perfect piece of eye candy for any girl to dream about on the beach.

The third ran on the farthest side, water splashing under his feet sending droplets onto his tan and muscular stomach. The ocean drops slid over the scripted tattoo on his right ribcage and splashed against the black dragon like ink across his opposite thigh. Han Jisung, my personal summer daydream. He was almost perfect. His only flaw was that he tended to get cocky at the worst times. It didn’t stop him from physically driving me crazy, his shaggy brown hair blowing in the wind. 

My eyes trailed over every line on his body, studying it like a work of art. The red life guard’s swim trunks hung low on his hips, making my mouth water.

The three of them seemed to move as if time stopped. “How do they do that?” I said, still ogling Jisung. “It’s like they move in slow motion,” I said licking my lips. 

“Oh, you see it too?” Hyunjin said watching Changbin with the same look in his eyes as mine.

Jeongin sat up and took off his sunglasses. His eyes went from Hyunjin to where Hyunjin’s stare was locked on; Changbin’s ass. “Dude...you have a girlfriend....” Hyunjin shrugged and continued to watch his part of the trio as I did mine. 

The whistle around Jisung’s neck swung in rhythm with his steps, bouncing against his chest. He turned our way and I could have sworn he smiled at me, his bright teeth reflecting the sun's rays. Before I could smile back, he disappeared from sight.

“Did Jisung just-” I said hearing a splash. Jeongin laughed, seeing Jisung fall face first into the water. The other two kept running leaving Jisung behind. 

“There’s no way he can recover from that!” Jeongin said rolling around in a fit of laughter.

“Um...think again Innie,” I whispered, watching the scene before me.

Again, it seemed as if he moved in slow motion. Jisung emerged from the water shaking out his wet strands of hair. I took off my glasses fully, the tip of the frames catching between my teeth. I watched the droplets of water catch on the grooves of his stomach sliding over the tattoo on his side. His hand raked through his hair pushing it back away from his face. The water threatened to tug his trunks down even further, making a small line of slightly paler skin show on his hips. He truly was an Adonis. An Adonis that was coming...right...this...way...

Fuck.

Jeongin jabbed my stomach breaking my trance. “Your boyfriend is coming over.”

“Thank you, Innie I can see that,” I said through gritted teeth. I put on a smile seeing Jisung only a few feet away. He smirked, eyes raking over my body. 

“Welcome back, L/n,” Jisung said, pushing his fingers through his wet brown hair. His eyebrow quirked up, noticing the trail of my eyes, up his torso to his face. “You back for another summer?”

“What’s it to you, Han?” I asked looking up at him. He shrugged, a droplet of water falling from his jaw onto the sand. 

“Figured you might have the balls to try out for the watch this year.” I laughed, pushing myself off the towel. Han smirked, now getting a full view of me in my new swimsuit, which I had specifically bought with him in mind. Not that I would ever tell him that. “There’s uh...two spots-...sorry...three spots open this summer,” I smirked knowing exactly the two spots which tripped him up, his eyes still lingering on my chest.

“I don’t know. Hyunjin, Innie? Does that sound fun? I mean, it would take away our time from enjoying the gorgeous beach scenery.” I said motioning to the waves that were rolling in. But, that wasn’t what I was referring to.

“I’m always down for extra cash,” Hyunjin said, bringing his attention to the conversation and away from Changbin who was now just a hot muscular spec in the distance.

“I’m sure Aiya, would love a gift every now and again from her boyfriend,” Jeongin said with a smirk. 

“Aiya....OH! Yeah! She would.”

Jisung was not paying attention to the exchange. Instead, he and I were having a slightly heated staring contest. “So, Jisung,” Hyunjin started, pushing himself into a seated position, long blonde hair, falling into his eyes. “When are tryouts?”

His eyes widened hearing his name and he turned to my friend. “Sorry- what?” Jeongin rolled his eyes and put his sunglasses back on before reaching into our cooler and pulling out a soda. “Uh..tryouts? Tomorrow at noon. The rest of the guys and I will be running them.”

“Well maybe you’ll see us there and maybe you won’t.”

“Here’s hoping,” Jisung said, with a smirk. He shot me a sultry wink before turning on his heel and running off down the beach. Jeongin scoffed watching me shamelessly check out the muscles in his back. 

“So, you guys busy tomorrow?” I asked with a smirk.

❖

My fingers pulled on the straps of the bathing suit top I had chosen to wear. My only one piece I had brought with me. I would not have my tits bouncing all over the place running the stupid obstacle course the boys had set up. It felt weird wearing shorts on the beach for so long. Usually, by this time I would be in the water. 

A whistle blew, calling my attention as well as the attention of the two nitwits beside me to the start of the course. Jisung stood, whistle in his mouth, hands on his hips. The signature red trunks hanging dangerously low in the best way. Chan and Changbin stood next time waiting to address the crowd of about twenty participants.

Changbin stood on top of one of the obstacles, red swim trunks highlighting his tan skin in the sunlight. I turned to find Hyunjin staring lustfully at Changbin’s washboard abs. My elbow jabbed into his stomach earning an annoyed look from my best friend. “What?”

“Aiya?” 

“Aiya.....OH! She’s fine. Ai won’t care.” 

Another shrill sound came from Jisung’s whistle and he let the metal instrument drop from his lips and let it fall against his bare chest. “Alright!” Chan said into a megaphone, addressing the crowd. “We set up a course this morning to test your abilities. Complete the course in under four minutes if you can, which is the standing record set by our current top guard, Jisung, and you move onto new recruit training.”

Changbin motioned for the speaker. My eyes fell back onto Jisung who seemed to have spotted me in the crowd. He crossed his arms, obviously flexing his muscles and shooting a wink my way. Convinced not to give him any sort of satisfaction, I turned back to Changbin. Jisung was obviously frustrated at my lack of reaction. 

“We only have three spots so give it your all! You’ll go do the course in groups of three so get in groups. Try to find some people you don’t know.”

Hyunjin and Jeongin both groaned at the last part of Changbin’s statement. “But what if I don’t like people?” Hyunjin whined. Jeongin let his head hang down, chin touching his tank top clad chest. 

“Hyunjin, I don’t like people either. Suck it up. Extra money. Happy girlfriend?” I said looking around the crowd of participants. Two girls wearing very small swimsuits waved me over. I let out a sigh and began walking over. “Good luck boys!” I called over my shoulder.

I scoffed watching some of the other groups go through the course. The ‘Inies’, as I called them, did fine. Hyunjin and Jeongin completed the course only thirty seconds shy of beating Jisung’s record. My group was the last to go. The three of us lined up at the start of the course and waited for Chan to give us the start.

Jisung leaned against one of the setup poles, clearly watching me with a heated stare. “GO!” Chan yelled. Setting my nerves aside I raced onto the course. First I vaulted onto the metal pole and pulled myself over. My feet flew across the sand as soon as they touched the ground. The crowd cheered and I sensed the other two girls hot on my heels. With a burst of energy I sped through the next two obstacles and then ran into the water.

All that was left to do was swim to the buoy and the crawl under the barbed wire. The sand was sticking to every inch of my wet body, the grains scratching against my skin. Ignoring how uncomfortable it felt I pushed myself out from under the barbed wire and sprinted to the bell the boys told us to ring once we finished the course. 

Clang!

“That’s time!” Chan called pressing the stopwatch in his hand. I doubled over to catch my breath and Hyunjin and Jeongin came over and clapped their hands on my back. Jisung came to look over Chan’s shoulder and the two exchanged hushed words.

“Listen up folks! Someone has beaten Han’s record. With a time of three minutes and forty-two seconds, and the first member of the new Baywatch recruits: Y/n L/n!” The crowd clapped and Jisung rolled his eyes before sending me a cheeky smirk. 

He grabbed the clipboard from Chan’s hands and flipped up a piece of paper. After scanning through the names he tucked the clipboard under his arm, bicep contracting, making my mouth water. “The remaining two spots will be filled by the next highest times; Hwang Hyunjin and Yang Jeongin.”

My boys high fived each other before running over and wrapping me up in a big group hug. “Congrats you guys!” Chan said coming over and joining our hug. It was a little awkward, but we got over it. “Here are your whistles and if you follow us to the Hut we can get you some uniforms!” Chan cheerfully said. 

We followed his bobbing head of blonde hair to a raised lifeguard station that was four times as large as the others. “Welcome to the Hut,” Jisung said from behind me. His hand ghosted over my waist as he moved past me and to a row of lockers in the makeshift office. He opened the farthest locker, filled with lots of red garments. He tossed the Inies two pairs each of red swim trunks much like the ones he was wearing.

Jisung then handed me three pieces of red and white fabric. One was a standard one piece and the other was a red bikini I had seen some of the other female lifeguards wearing. “Either are acceptable in the workplace,” He said with a wink.

“The three lockers empty lockers on the end are yours. Go get changed and we’ll start training.” Changbin said. I caught him eyeing Hyunjin as my friend turned around to go change in the small backroom. “Jisung, you and I will take the Inies and Chan can train Y/n.”

“What if I wanna train Y/n?” I heard Jisung whine as I made my way to the backroom.

“Oh please. Like anything would get done then.”

Chuckling I pushed the door open and began changing in the dark supply closet. My elbows knocked against a broom leaning up against the wall as I tied the strap of the red bikini top. “Oh shit-” With fumbling hands, I grabbed at the broom and tried to stand it back in its place.

“Y/n, you okay?” A smooth voice asked from outside the closet door. Jisung wrapped his knuckles against the door. He probably heard me falling over the cleaning supplies. 

“Yeah! I’m fine, Han.” I could hear him chuckle from the outside the closet. “You try standing still and putting on this tiny swimsuit!” My ears picked up on Jisung’s quiet laugh. I could see his bright blinding smile in my mind.

“Trust me, I know.”

“What?”

“What-” He cleared his throat and I heard his feet shuffle on the wood floor of the hut. “Uh....listen. Chan is out on the deck waiting when you finish. I’m taking Jeongin out for training.” After a few seconds of awkward silence, I watched the shadow of his feet retreat from the door.

Peeking my head out from the closet I looked to find the office empty. The huge windows let in warm light basking over the white floorboards. My bare feet padded across the floor and I stuffed my clothes in my new locker and grabbed my whistle tossing it around my neck.

Through the big window, I saw Chan leaning on the rail surveying the beach through a pair of binoculars.  As I walked outside, I realized he wasn’t watching the waves but rather a certain umbrella down the beach. “Whatcha looking at?” 

“AHHH!” Chan jumped almost four feet in the air, screaming his head off. He pressed a hand to his chest and closed his eyes. “Y/n, you gave me a fucking heart attack!” Chan grasped at his chest and gave me a pointed look.

“Sorry!” I patted him on the back and took the binoculars from his hands. My eyes turned to where Chan was previously looking. Under a pink beach umbrella sat a girl with wavy hair wearing a baggy shirt over a swimsuit. She was contently reading a very thick book and sipping on a purple smoothie. “Oh....Now I see what you were looking at.” 

Chan blushed next to me and took his binoculars back. Crossing my arms I looked him up and down. “Who would have thought the Bang Chan, Dreamboat of the Beach, would have a crush on a beach bunny?” Chan’s ears turned a dark shade of red. “So, what’s her name?” I said nudging him, giving him a gentle smile. 

“Cecilia,” He said shyly rubbing the back of his neck.

“What’s she like?” 

He shrugged and looked to where she was lying under the beach umbrella. “We’ve only talked a few times, but-... she’s the sweetest. She’s very wholesome, and a little shy, but... I don’t know. She just makes me crazy in the best way possible.” Chan played with the bracelet on his wrist and timidly looked over at the girl, Cecilia. “She gets a little uncomfortable because I’m always with the guys.”

“Why don’t you go talk to her right now?” 

His eyes widened and Chan practically turned into a little blonde puppy. “I get really nervous around her. Do you think she’d like me?” I turned back to the girl to find her already looking this way. When she saw me watching she quickly turned back to her book, shielding her face. 

“Trust me. Go talk to her.” After a light shove down the wooden stairs, Chan started venturing towards Cecilia only to double back a second later.

“Oh! All the guards are throwing a bonfire party tonight. Even the ones from the north side of the beach. You and the boys should come!” I smiled from above on the deck.

“Then the Inies and I will be there. No doubt about it.” Chan grinned and gave me a thumbs up before jogging over to the pink umbrella. I turned back into the office and sat at the big desk. A huge binder lay on top of it. “Guess I better educate myself then,” I mumbled, taking the heavy folder and laying it in my lap.

❖

The door of my jeep slammed shut as Hyunjin jumped out of the backseat. The three of us had gone back to our beach rental to shower and change before returning to the bash. Also, Changbin asked us to stop by the store and pick up a keg. Jeongin helped me lift the metal cask down from my car and carry it down the huge bonfire that was lit down on the sand. Music could be heard even from the parking lot.

Hyunjin carried the two lightweight beach bags we brought with us while once again, Innie and I were left with the heavy stuff. “ALCOHOL!” Someone screamed pointing in our direction. Two shirtless boys came running up to us pushing passed Hyunjin. 

As they got closer I saw it was Changbin and Jisung. The two skidded to a stop in front of us, their toes burying in the sand. “Wow. This really is the whole package. Hot girl. Beer. What more could a man ask for?” Jisung said throwing an arm around my shoulder.

Jeongin huffed beside me adjusting his hold on the metal container. “What am I? Chopped liver?” I laughed and nudged Jisung’s side.

 “Give me hand with this?” 

“Sure.” Instead of taking my side of the keg, Jisung walked over to Innie and patted him on the shoulder. “I’ve got it from here, bro.” Jeongin looked from me to the brunette beside him. Before I could say anything, he shrugged and handed the keg to Jisung. I blew a piece of hair out of my face and continued to walk down the beach with Jisung. 

The two of us set the keg down near the bonfire. There was a small crowd nearby dancing to the music. By dancing...I meant severely, ferociously grinding. It was an almost laughable sight. “Y/n! You made it!” A voice called. Turning I saw Chan walking towards us, his arm wrapped around the girl from earlier today.

“I did! I see you grew a pair.” He blushed as I motioned to the pretty girl next to him. She was wearing shorts and a baggy t-shirt unlike the rest of us. It seemed everyone else was bikini clad or in swim trunks. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” She asked, pointedly at Chan. He nervously laughed and gave me the cut it out signal. 

“Nothing, baby girl. Guys this is Cecilia.” Everyone shook her hand and welcomed Chan’s apparent new girlfriend. Boy, the rest of the daydreaming beach bunnies were going to be sad to hear about this. I saw Cecilia get noticeably uncomfortable when she shook hands with Jisung and Changbin. Oddly Chan was also wearing a hoodie. 

Never a day in my life had I seen the man not shirtless. “Are you okay, love?” I asked trying to reassure her. She timidly nodded, playing with the ends of her loose braid. 

“Yeah...I’m just a little uncomfortable with the whole....man chests out and about. I’m barely comfortable with myself in a swimsuit.” I smiled and playfully covered up Jisung’s chest with my hands since he was standing next to me. 

“Better?”

“Yes. Very.” Jisung said with a smirk. 

I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. “I wasn’t talking to you, Han.” He scoffed looking towards Cahn who had his head in his hands. Most likely in shame. Or embarrassment. Before my hands could leave even an inch from his chest, he grabbed my wrists and put my hands back. Cecilia chuckled and held Chan’s hand in hers.

“So, are you two like a thing? Chan said you’re both on the watch as well?” She asked pointing between the two of us. 

“No.” 

“Yes.” 

I looked to Jisung with wide eyes. He let out a flustered laugh, looking between me and Cecilia. “What she means, is that we aren’t a thing...yet.” His hand wrapped around my waist pulling me into his side. This was shocking news to me. I was under the impression Jisung was a player who flirted with everyone.

When no one responded to his awkward answer, Jisung ran an apprehensive hand through his hair. “Umm...well....Y/n how about we save me from this awkward conversation and go for a swim down the beach?” Cecilia and I laughed.

“Sure, why not.”He smiled at my answer. Cecilia turned back to Chan and the two started to wander off on their own. Jisung let me shed my shorts and shoes before dragging me by the hand down the beach a little ways away from the party. Once we were waist deep into the water Jisung let go of my hand only to reach for my waist. Before I knew it I was over his shoulder, his laugh ringing out into the clear night. “Jisung, don’t you fucking dar-” 

He didn’t let me finish. Without a second thought, he tossed me into the waves. Instead of popping up right away, I chose to stay under the water. Though it was dark, I could still make out the shape of Jisung’s legs. His muffled voice was calling out my name, concern lacing in his voice. Being careful to avoid touching him, I swam behind him and resurfaced. I pushed my hair out of my face and launched myself onto his back making him scream like a little girl.

“WHAT THE FUCK????!?!?!”

“Gotcha!” 

He grinned, twisting his arms behind him and reaching for me. His smile was lighting up the dark. I had never seen him this happy. “Why have we never hung out like this before?” He asked looking over his shoulder at me. His skin radiated warmth in the cool ocean water. “Like, you’ve been coming here every summer. Why haven’t we spent time together?” 

I shrugged, casually resting my arms around him. “I don’t know. You’re usually on duty or surrounded by hot girls. Or both.” He scoffed and turned around facing me. “I figured you didn’t even have time to look at someone like me.” 

“You cannot be serious.” He laughed when I nodded. “Do you know how many times I was scolded for watching you from the tower? Or going outside my zone just to run past you and the Inies a couple times hoping you would come up and talk to me?” 

A heat flooded my cheeks and I was suddenly very aware of how close Jisung was to me. I could practically see the stars reflecting in his big doe eyes. A wind blew across the water hitting my bare shoulders. The waves pushed us closer to shore, but I was captivated by the way Jisung was looking at me.  His long fingers brushed away a strand of wet hair that was stuck to my cheek.

His eyes skimmed over my lips, thumb brushing over my cheek. He leaned in only the slightest bit. The air shared between us was warm and electric. I could feel Jisung’s heart hammering in his chest. 

Just when I was sure he was about to kiss me, a wave crashed into the back of his head pulling us both underwater. Jisung held tightly onto my waist swimming us both back up to the surface. Our laughs lifted into the night. “Well...I wasn’t expecting that.” Jisung said wading back to shore. He helped me up and took my hand as we trudged onto the beach, sand catching between our toes in a familiar way. “We drifted pretty far from the party. We should head back.”

He kept his hand wrapped around mine as I watched him guide me back to the party, water lapping at our feet. Little pieces of sand were stuck to his tan skin. Instinctively I brushed them away from his back. He turned at the unexpected touch. “Sorry,” 

“No...It’s fine.” 

Jisung looked down at his feet as we continued walking. My mind started to run wild. What if that wave hadn’t knocked us over? Would he have kissed me? My body knocked into Jisung’s shoulder as he stopped suddenly. “What is it?” Jisung stared down at the sand, his brows furrowed. He bent down and brushed some sand off a bag about the size of my palm. White powder filled half of it. “Ji?”

He had a serious expression I had never seen before. Jisung scanned the horizon and the way we had just come down the beach. “Ji, talk to me. What is it?” He looked back down the bag in his hands. 

“We’ve got a problem.” His fingers brushed over mine as he handed me the bag. “It’s C17H21NO4.” I looked up at him brows drawn together.

“Can’t you be a normal person and say cocaine?” 

❖

A few days had passed and working on the watch was turning out to make the best summer ever. You got to hang out more with the boys. You discovered that Changbin, Jisung, and Chan were all music majors at the college about an hour away from yours. They were even in a group together called 3RACHA. Chan tended to play their music in the Hut. Hyunjin and I particularly loved a song on Chan’s laptop we found called ‘Wow’. 

Jeongin, Hyunjin, and I were all jamming to the song as we waited for the boys to finally come into the hut. We had all woken up early and gotten there early to our shift. “WOW! SHE’S HOT!” We all screamed as the door to the hut opened and the three boys walked into the room. They all grimaced hearing the song.

“IRON MAN IN THE STREETS, BUT I’M BETTER THAN TONY!” We sang just as Chan lunged for the speaker turning it off. “Awwwww! We were having fun!” Changbin grimaced at us and yanked open his locker. Changbin ripped off the tank top he wore and shoved it on the top shelf. Jisung moved to his and did the same. Hyunjin elbowed me in the stomach when he saw me drooling over Jisung’s toned back, eyes wandering once again to the words inked on his side. 

“You’re leaking from the mouth.” He said with a smirk. 

“Am not.” Just in case, I swiped my hand across my lips. He laughed and grabbed a white cap from his bag covering his blonde hair. “So, Chan, what are we doing today?” Chan shredded his lifeguard hoodie before grabbing a clipboard on the desk. 

Jisung and Changbin’s whispering was silenced by Chan throwing a shoe at them. “Ay! Bro! Don’t throw the Nikes!” Changbin said walking over rubbing his head. With an aggravated grumble, Changbin grabbed the clipboard out of Chan’s hands.

Before Changbin could even read the first station, the door to the hut opened and a familiar head of wavy blonde hair walked through the door. “CELI!” Chan screamed. He scrambled to the window and pulled the curtain over his chest. She blushed walking into the room. “Y/n...could you do me a favor...” Chan asked shyly pointing to his discarded hoodie on the floor. 

Rolling my eyes with a smile, I picked up his red hoodie and handed it to him. Chan covered himself before emerging from the billowing curtain. Cecilia came to stand next to Jisung. Her eyes glanced over and her ears turned as red as a tomato. Chan immediately took notice and his hands flew to Jisung’s chest.

“Dude. What the fuck are you doing?” 

“Censoring your nipples. Duh.”

“......” Jisung looked down at Chan’s hands, to me, then back up to his friend. “This has never been an issue before-”

“WELL, IT IS NOW!”

Hyunjin and I were doing our best not to laugh at Chan’s freakout. “Chan, it’s fine. I can handle it. Yeah...sure.” Cecilia gave a  sweet smile and inched farther away from the still shirtless Jisung, who rolled his eyes. 

Changbin cleared his throat and tapped the clipboard, annoyance in his eyes. “Can we get back to our jobs people?” After a series of grumbles, Changbin looked down and begin reading off our assignments for the day. “Jeongin, you are working the west tower solo today. Chan, you have the east tower.” He rolled his eyes as Chan whispered something to Celi with a big grin.

“Moving on,” He said pointedly. “Hyunjin you’re with me on Southeast ground patrol. Y/n, you’re with Han covering the southwest near the docks.” He tossed the clipboard on the desk and grabbed his whistle.

“YES!” Jisung cheered, punching the air in joy. 

Everyone gave him weird looks. Chan shook his head. “Jisung, you’re the one who made the schedule.” 

Jisung’s eyes flicked from me to Chan before he rubbed the back of his neck. His confident smile was now fueled by awkwardness and embarrassment. “Yeah...I remembered that...Come on, Y/n. Let’s go!” As we left Changbin turned the beach speakers on to the playlist for the day. A happy song blasted through the speakers all across the beach as people started to arrive. I think it was by a singer named Jessi. It made me feel confident about the day ahead of us. 

Jisung and I ran down the beach to the sector we were covering for the day, waving at pedestrians who called out to us. “We haven’t really gotten a chance to talk since the bonfire,” Jisung said whistle bouncing against his chest as we ran. 

The bonfire. Where he almost kissed me. Where he maybe...could have...kissed me. My chest swelled and I decided playing it cool was the best option. “Yeah, what about?” We were nearing the docks so we slowed down to a walk. Jisung seemed more focused on me than on observing and watching the safety of the beachgoers. 

“Umm...Why don’t we take our break?”

“Jisung our shift started twenty minutes ago.” 

“Let’s just talk under the docks okay?” He said a wild smile lighting up his face. Taking my hand he led me under the sturdy wooded structure. Once again water lapped at my toes, a cooling sensation flowing over the skin on my feet. 

My back pressed against one of the wide wooden poles holding up the wharf above. Jisung stood in front of me, hands behind his back, and stare aimed firmly on the watery bay. “Is this about the bag we found on the beach that night?”

“The C17H21NO4?”

“For fuck’s sake just say cocaine, Ji.” 

“How do you even know that means cocaine?” 

“Ji, I took chemistry. I’m not stupid.”I said with a laugh. He smiled feeling my hand brushed over his arm. Jisung let his gaze wander over me. He smiled taking a step closer. Soon his chest was brushing up against mine.

“No more Han? I’m Ji now?” He smirked. Jisung’s brown shaggy hair fell in front of his eyes. I watched his teeth drag tantalizingly across his bottom lip. His tan skin felt warm under the palm of my hand. Just like the night of the bonfire, there was an electric air between us. It was amazing to feel him so close to me.

Far away music drifted under the dock, but all my focus stayed on the man in front of me. His left hand rested just below my hip. “There are many names I could start calling you.” He rose his brow in interest.

“Like what?”

He leaned down and placed a kiss just above my jaw. He smirked against my skin hearing me let out a small sigh. “I don’t know,” All the nerves in my body were firing off like rockets. “Idiot, knucklehead...my personal favorite is dumbass.” Jisung laughed, his teeth nibbling gently on my ear lobe. 

“I can’t take this anymore,” He whispered, in a labored breath. I stared into his brown eyes. The way he was looking at me made my knees go weak. 

“What?”

“I’ve got to kiss you or I’m going to go crazy.” He didn’t wait for my answer. Jisung’s lips smashed against mine. He kissed me like he had eaten in days and I was his first taste of succulent delicious food. I let my fingers tangle in his dark brown hair pulling him closer to me. I would have fallen had the pole and Jisung not been holding me up. 

Kissing Jisung felt like music. Not one moment was the same but it all flowed as if it was made for one purpose. I felt his hand start to move below my waist, pulling me closer against him, as if there was any space left to begin with. 

“Hey, guys.” The walkie-talkie crackled to life. Changbin’s voice had me pulling away from Jisung. He sighed ignoring the call, moving to continue our little makeout session. 

“You should pick up; what if it’s important.”

Jisung shook his head kissing me again. “I trust them. Plus they’ve got the Inies.” I smiled, reaching behind Jisung. He smirked feeling my hand on the back of his swim trunks. “Oh really?” He asked, our noses brushing together. He let out a breathy laugh as I bit my lip. His smile fell when I pulled the walkie talkie from its place and pressed it against his chest. 

“Pick up the call.”

He sighed, pressing his forehead against mine. “This is SW Patrol; Jisung. What the fuck do you want Changbin?” Jisung backed away only far enough that he could talk on the radio. I smiled watching him all pent up. 

“We got a complaint about some serious PDA on the beach. Could you check it out?” Changbin’s voice crackled through the channel. Jisung sighed, but he had a knowing smirk on the corner of his lips. 

Another channel crackled to life before he could respond. “Actually that might have been us,” Chan said over the channel. Jisung and I both laughed. 

His long slender fingers pressed down opening up the channel for him to speak. “Yeah. It was Chan and Celi. Totally no one in our sector.” Changbin sighed over the radio. 

“Both of you quit making out and do your jobs.” 

The radio went silent and Jisung returned to his previous position. “Now where were we?” He asked, his hands wondering lower than publicly appropriate. You laughed and kissed him again. “Please just be my girlfriend already?” The boy whispered against my lips. 

I opened my eyes to look at him, but something in the distance caught my attention. Out on the water, there was a billowing trail of black smoke. My eyes widened realizing what it was. “Fire.”

“I believe the correct answer is ‘yes’.”

“No, Jisung. Fire. Out on the water.” I exclaimed harshly turning his head out to the bay.

“Oh fuck!” He hastily grabbed the walkie-talkie and tuned into an open channel. “All guards! We have a 10-73! There’s a boat on fire to the southwest. Prepare to go for first response.” 

The two of us sprinted out from under the docks. I looked frantically around before my eyes landed on a jetski by the pier. “Ji, let’s go!” I said making a run for it.

I reached the vehicle first and strapped on the emergency belt. “Move. I’ll drive!” Jisung said motioning for me to scoot back. 

“Jisung just get on! We have no time for this.”

“But the guy always drives-”

“GET THE FUCK ON YOU LITTLE BITCH WE HAVE PEOPLE TO SAVE!”

 Without another word, Jisung threw his leg over the back and we took off out on the waves. The wind blew through our hair as we raced to the sight of the fire. In the corner of my eye, I saw the rescue boat coming from the south with the rest of the boys on it. With one arm, he held onto my waist as I drove the water vehicle and with the other, he reached down and readied some rope and a buoy for survivors in the water. “So,” He said over the roar of the waves. “You didn’t answer my question!” 

Unbelievable. “Ji, there’s a fire! Are you sure this is the time?” 

“There couldn’t be a better one in my opinion.” I heard him laugh behind me and I couldn’t help but smile. The fire was getting closer now. There were flames burning on top of the water and I could now see that the burning vessel was a yacht. 

“Yes. I will be your girlfriend! Let’s do our job now!” 

The rescue boat pulled up alongside us, Chan at the helm. “We need to send a team aboard to get survivors!” He called down as I shut off the engine a couple yards away from the flames. 

“Don’t worry! I’ve got it!” Before we could say anything Jisung dove into the water and under the flames. 

“JISUNG!” I screamed. Without hesitation, I dove in after him.

❖

The heat of the flames brushed above my back through the ocean water. I swam to avoid pieces of falling firey debris. Just as my chest started to burn I resurfaced on the other side of the flames. Frantically I looked around for any sign of Jisung. 

The first twenty minutes of us dating and he decides to literally jump into a wall of fire. “Jisung I’m going to fucking kill you when I find you!” A head popped out of the water, shaking out his dark hair. “HAN JISUNG!” I screeched watching him tread water. 

He turned,  a cheeky smile on his face. “What’s a pretty girl like you doing in a place like this?” I swam over just to whack him upside the head. He rubbed the back of his head before swimming towards the yacht. “You can hit me later. Let’s save some people.”

Together we swam to the side of the ship. The muscles in Jisung’s back flexed as he pulled himself over the side. His hand reached for mine, lifting me over the side of the white boat. Black smoke filled the air and Jisung and I looked for a way into the cabin of the burning vessel. 

“Help me!” A girl screamed. I turned seeing a hand reaching out from around the corner. 

“There!” 

Jisung and I rushed to the woman. She was stuck under a piece of fallen equipment. “Ah! You, sexy water man! You are here to save me, yes?” Somehow despite her dire situation the young woman still managed to push her large breasts forward like a peacock showing off its plumage. 

“Y/n, can you get that side and I’ll pull her out?” Nodding I positioned my hands under the heavy equipment and lifted on Jisung’s count. With a grunt I let the heavy object fall back down once the girl was clear. “Signal Chan to come around port side.” 

While Jisung busied himself with grabbing an intact life vest for the woman, I ran to the helm sending Chan the signal to come around to the right. When I turned the woman was trying to throw herself all over my new boyfriend. He carried her in his arms, life jacket around her neck. They stood on the port side waiting for Chan. 

“Okay, handsome! If you want me you can have me, But, quickly cause the boat is on fire.” She exclaimed, wrapping her long painted fingers around his neck.

She leaned in to kiss him, but before she got close I grabbed her from Jisung’s arms and tossed her into the water where Chan was swimming to the boat to help. 

“He’s got a girlfriend too! So don’t try anything!” 

Jisung laughed before tapping my shoulder. “That was hot.” Rolling my eyes, I moved back to the cabin which was still very much on fire. 

“IN HERE!” Another voice called. Jisung looked for a break in the fire near the door. I watched him ram his shoulder against the wood several times before it broke. The two of us searched the rooms looking for the voice. 

I burst through the bedroom door, pain shooting through my shoulder. How the hell did Jisung do it so effortlessly? Probably his Herculean broad shoulders, I thought scowling. The frown fell when my eyes fell to the center of the room. A man maybe in his late forties lay dead on the floor. A bullet hole centered perfectly in his forehead. 

All the drawers and closets were spilled open and a trail over white powder stained the carpet. “Shit.” I looked around for any other survivors. “Jisung! Dead body.” 

“What do you mean dead bod-” He said walking into the room with a girl, soot covering her face. “Oh...that dead body.” He started stuttering, brown hair falling in front of his round eyes. “Uh....take her. She’s the last one. I checked.” Nodding, I took the girl by the hand and pulled her through the burning boat. 

“You’re leaving that lifeguard? What about Councilman Kang?” The skinny woman whined in my arms. 

“Don’t worry about Jisung. He’ll take care of it.” The girl screamed as I tossed her overboard to where Chan was waiting below. Not looking back, I dove into the water and swam with Chan and the girl back to the boat. 

“Where’s Han?” Chan said as we pulled ourselves aboard the lifeguard's vessel.

The speedboat started moving around the yacht. “He’s towards the front. There was a body.” Chan nodded and looked back at the burning boat. Through the thick black smoke, I saw Jisung at the bow of the yacht carrying the dead man. The flames surrounded the boat giving him no clear place to escape. 

Changbin steered the boat as close as he could, but couldn’t get to him. “He can’t go under the flames. Not even Jisung could swim that far carrying that much weight.” The boy said.

“JISUNG!” Chan called, hands cupping around his mouth. The man turned at his hyung’s voice and strained to hear what he had to say. “Move to the back! We’ll come get you!” 

“There’s no time!” 

“JISUNG DON’T-”

Again, Jisung ignored Chan, diving under the water with the dead Councilman. “JISUNG!” I screamed. We raced into action. Jeongin and Chan jumped on the jet skis attached to our boat and I grabbed a preserver before diving in after him. I was seriously going to kill him if he didn’t die first. 

The fire cast a bright orange glow under the water. Spotting Jisung, his body limp and still holding onto the dead man, I started swimming deeper. He must have hit his head on some hidden debris. 

Working with fast fingers, I pried his strong grip from the Councilman and pushed the body away from us to the service. Chan would pick it up. I panicked seeing Jisung’s unconscious face. Wrapping an arm securely around his chest I began swimming upwards, the task eight times harder while carrying Jisung’s weight against gravity. 

I gasped breaking through the ocean surface. My legs pumped through the water trying to keep both of us afloat as I waved down Jeongin. “Innie! Over here!” My friend steered the jet ski over to us, his black hair flying in the wind. 

“He’s unconscious. Help me lift him up.” 

Jeongin groaned, trying to lift Jisung onto the ski. I did my best to push him from the other side. “How can he be this heavy? His waist is fucking tiny!” I said pushing my most likely concussed boyfriend across the ski. Changbin was already steering the boat away from the burning yacht as the Coastguard approached. “Let’s go. Jisung needs attention.” 

“What else is new?” Innie mumbled before driving the ski towards the boat. I held onto Jisung making sure he didn’t fall off. My hand wrapped securely on his shoulder and thigh, rubbing over the intricate design of the dragon on his skin. 

Changbin stopped the boat letting us pull up alongside. Chan and Jeongin carried Jisung laying him on the floor. I crawled over him, checking his mouth to make sure his airway was clear. My hands pressed to his chest starting compressions. After a minute he coughed spewing water up at my face. 

Jisung gasped, rolling over but not going far with my ontop of him. The first thing he looked at was me. “You fucking idiot!” I yelled, slapping him across the cheek. 

“OW!” 

“You could have died, Ji!” 

“Dude, she’s right. That was really stupid.” Changbin said starting the boat again. With tired arms, Jisung pushed himself up to a sitting position and wrapped me up in a hug. I heard the girl from before huff and saw her cross her arms watching Jisung hold me so tightly. 

I stuck my tongue out at her which earned me a slap on the head from Hyunjin. “Let’s just get back to shore so we can give the police our report,” Chan said handing the girls some towels. 

“Anybody have some aspirin?” Jisung asked, rubbing the top of his head.

❖

“Is this what dating you is going to be like?” I asked. Jisung sat on his kitchen counter holding an ice pack to his head. He shrugged and watched me open the first aid kit. Chan sent him home since he had used all his stupid passes for the day. 

I drove Jisung to the beach house he rented and was now searching through his inadequately stocked medical supplies. 

“Yeah, but I was quite the hero today wasn’t I?”

“You would have been a dead hero had I not gone in after you.” The shirt Jisung lent me brushed over my thighs as I walked back over to him. Delicately, I cleaned the cut on his forehead, ignoring the whines from Jisung. “You saw the drugs in the cabin, right?” I asked hesitantly. 

Jisung nodded, looking into my eyes. “Just like we found on the beach the other night.” He looked out the window staring at the sea. Working for the Baywatch must have given him a huge discount because the house was right on the waterfront. “Chan and I have been trying to get the police involved, but they won’t take us seriously.” He laughed and took the supplies from my hands. “They said we were just a bunch of goofy lifeguards probably getting high on the stash we found anyway.”

His hands wrapped mine, playing with my fingers. “Speaking of high,” I said, playing with the bottom of Jisung’s tank top. “Changbin texted me. He said the girls we rescued were high as kites. They were partying below deck so they have no clue how the Councilman ended up with a bullet in his head.” 

“They probably got it from the stash on the yacht.” Jisung hopped down from the counter and stood in front of me, his chest brushing against mine. “Also, that was badass what you did to that girl.” With an embarrassed laugh, I buried my face in his chest. “If you want me you can have me, but quickly because the boat is on fire!” Jisung mocked in a high voice. 

“Don’t tease her!” My hand softly smacked against his chest. “She was high and you were hot.”

“Were? Past tense?” 

“Well, you do have on more clothes now.”

“So, you’re saying I have circumstantial hotness. I see. So, you are only with me because of my abs and tattoos and general lifeguard sexiness?” Jisung smiled, watching me laugh. 

“Tell me I’m wrong. If we weren’t dating you would have taken that girl home with you.” Jisung sighed, pulling me closer to him. “That isn’t a no,” I said with a small laugh.

“But, I brought you home.” Jisung’s hands fell below my waist, a smirk playing at the corning of his mouth. He walked me backwards until I was pressed against the kitchen wall, a position he seemed to like me in. 

The air had changed between us, now charged with sexual tension. “I would have you right here until you begged for mercy twice,” Jisung whispered, staring into my eyes. My brow quirked up, watching him hungrily gaze down at my lips. 

“I’ve never begged in my life.”

“Twice.” 

My stomach began to twist itself in knots, making me squeeze my legs together. Never before had I imagined Jisung would be like this. Never in my wildest dreams, which were getting wilder by the second. He exuded dominance pressing his hands firmly into my hips. “Twice?” He nodded leaning closer than I thought possible. His warm breath fanned over my lips. 

Just the way he was looking at me was almost enough to push me over the edge and take him right on his kitchen counter. “Bedroom. Now.” My voice was muffled and came out more like a whine feeling his thigh push between my legs. His head dipped letting his lips drag just below my ear. 

“Are you sure? Once we start, I might not be able to stop.” All it took was for him to feel me nod before he pulled away and kissed my lips deeply. “Bedroom is that way.” Jisung jerked his head towards the hall pulling his hips against mine. 

“Well, you’ll just have to catch me then,” I said cheekily slipping from his grasp and slapping his ass as I ran down the hall. He laughed, the sound of his steps thundering down the hall after me. 

I screamed feeling his arms wrap around me and lift me into the air. Setting me down, Jisung enveloped me into a kiss letting his fingers tug my shirt over my head. He tossed me onto his bed, leaving me to watch as he ripped off his shirt. My eyes hungrily dragged over his torso eyeing the tattoo on his side and the way his muscles flexed and contracted as he let out shaky happy breaths.

“You keep staring at me like that and I’ll have to ruin you.” Jisung’s shoulders dropped watching my tongue whip over my bottom lip.  “You naughty, naughty girl.” Grabbing my ankles, he tugged me across the bed before sliding my shorts down and flinging them across the bedroom. 

Jisung hovered over me, hands traveling anywhere he could reach. I was growing impatient not being able to touch him the way I wanted. My hands pushed against his strong shoulders, flipping him back onto the bed. His arms wrapped around my waist, letting my legs fall on either side of his hips. 

I sighed against his lips, feeling his hips press up against mine. Letting my lips guide my actions I moved down his neck and chest. I looked up to see Jisung’s hands covering his face, attempting to silence how I was making him feel. Seeing his reaction, I let my tongue slide over his toned stomach and graze across the inked skin on his right side. A heavenly moan left his lips. My hand fell down further and ghosted over the growling bulge beneath his shorts.

“Ah...fuck-” He moaned as my tongue licked down his torso, inching dangerously close to the low hanging waistband. His head lifted up when I pulled away. “Shit- why’d you stop?”

Smirking, I started playing with the band of his shorts. “Oh, don’t mind me. Just enjoying the view.” As my fingers hooked around the fabric he pulled me back up to his lips and helped me pull them down. “Do you have...you know?” I asked between heated kisses. 

Jisung nodded, hands groping my ass and grinding up against my core. “In the drawer.” With quick impatient hands, I reached over to the nightstand yanked open the drawer. “You’re on the pill right? Just in case.” 

“Yeah, of course.” Finding a strip of condoms I tore one off, and returned to Jisung’s lips. My eyes closed, letting myself fall into the blissful daze Jisung was sending me into. Letting him wreck and ravish my body was the only thing on my mind. 

❖ 

Almost a month later I found myself in the same place. Jisung’s bed. A light sheen of sweat lay on my skin and his. His sheets did a lousy job of covering anything but my hips resting over his. My head rested on his chest, letting his fingers play with my hair. 

His legs were tangled with mine around and under the covers. The art on his side drew my attention. Jisung watched my fingers trace over the words on his ribcage. I had watched him for so long and been with him more than a few times and I had yet to ask him about his tattoos.

Delicately, I traced each line of the words on his ribs; ‘I See’. “What does it mean?” Jisung looked down at me, watching my hand move over the ink.

“It’s the first song I ever seriously wrote.”

“Can I hear it?”

A cool breeze floated through the open windows in his bedroom. The stars reflected on the rolling waves. Jisung shook his head. “It’s nothing much.” He nuzzled into my hair, letting me draw over the natural and drawn lines on his body. 

“I doubt that if it is physically inked on your skin.” A laugh rumbled through his chest. My touch wandered down to the dark ink on his thigh. “What about these?” 

He looked down and laughed. “Oh- I just like dragons.” Among the black lines and shading of the large dragon wrapped around his thigh were other gorgeous drawings like out of an ancient Japanese text. A symbol caught my eye.

“Is that the Chinese character for soup?” 

“No. It means perseverance.”

“No. It means soup.” 

Jisung laid his head back on the pillow, eyes wide. “That would explain why the guy was laughing so much when he did the tattoo.” He rolled over on top of me, adjusting the sheets to shield us more from the night wind. His head nuzzled into my neck. “Where do the Inies think you are?” Jisung questioned. 

I shrugged. “Hyunjin could care less. He spends most of his nights facetiming his girlfriend, Aiya.” 

“Can’t relate. Mine has been in my bed every night.” 

Scoffing, my fingers began threading through his dark hair. “Innie is a little suspicious. But, usually, I just buy him boba the next day and he doesn’t care.” Jisung nodded and held onto me like a teddy bear. His warm skin acted like my own personal sun.

“Noted. Jeongin can be bribed with boba.”Jisung’s head lifted hearing a yawn slip past my lips. “You tired, baby? I nodded, cuddling further into him. “Get some sleep. We both have shifts tomorrow.” Jisung leaned over pressing his lips gently against mine. I fell asleep with my arms wrapped around him and his lips sleepily trailing down my neck and shoulder. 

❖

“Every night?” My dark haired friend asked in disbelief. Jeongin walked beside me as we made our way back to the Hut. The sunset cast a gold and red glow over the beach.  Our shift would be over soon and I could not wait. This had been a long day and I wanted nothing more than to go home and collapse in bed. “You guys are procreating like rabbits.” I laughed at his word choice. “I’m sorry, but I do not need mini Y/ns and Jisungs running around.”

Jeongin climbed the creaky wooden steps up to the Hut. Rough outlines of his feet in sand followed his steps to the door. Through the windows, I could see Hyunjin, Changbin, and my boyfriend inside. “Where’s Chan?” I asked seeing him missing as we entered the base.

Changbin sighed, flipping through the day’s log. “He took Celi down to the dock to watch the sunset.” I caught Jisung eyeing me from across the room. He stuck out his tongue and shook his head at me, eliciting a laugh.  

“So, Inies,” Changbin started. The blonde and brunette raised their heads waiting for what Changbin had to say. “Looks like it’s your turn to do the night walk.” They groaned and whined. The night walk was done by two lifeguards after the beach closed. It was typically a long cold walk with flashlights making sure no one was on the beach. It usually took an extra two hours that you did not get paid for. 

“But, Aiya is waiting for me to call!”

“I just want to go home!”

Jisung shot me a look standing near his open locker. He crossed his arms, tan shoulders leaning against the cool metal. Despite my tired feet and my urge to sleep for a week I smiled, knowing what he was thinking. 

“Y/n and I can do it.” The Inies quickly stopped their pleading turning to my boyfriend.

“No argument from me. They can do it.” Hyunjin said grabbing his stuff and racing out the door. Jeongin quickly followed. Changbin shrugged, tossing the clipboard on the desk. 

“Y/n, you might want a jacket. It’s going to get cold.” Changbin said, patting my shoulder. He turned to the boy with tousled brown hair and threw him the ring of metal keys. “Jisung, don’t forget to lock up when you’re done.” 

With a final wave, Changbin grabbed his bag and shut the door behind him, descending the stairs. “You’re buying me dinner,” I said wrapping my arms around his waist. “Pizza sounds good.” 

“That’s fair. I’ll get you pizza.” Jisung cupped my cheeks before pecking my lips. He turned back to his open locker, pulling out a grey unzipped hoodie. “Here.” The fabric swallowed me as he sweetly helped me slip my arms into the jacket. Listing his head, he smiled, cheeks filling and eyes turning into crescent moons. “You look too cute.”

I smiled watching him lean down and capture my lips in a kiss. My stomach twisted in knots only he could tie. “We should get going. I want my pizza sooner than later.” He nodded and grabbed two flashlights. Slipping my phone into the jacket pocket I followed Jisung down onto the beach. 

Time always seemed to pass quickly with him. It felt like this summer had only started yesterday, so by the time we reached the end of the beach hand in hand my tiredness was long forgotten. 

“Yeah, so then Changbin-” Jisung interrupted his own story. His eyes strained against the dark. “Do you see that?” Further down the shore, my eyes pushed past the darkness to see the outline of a speedboat beached on the sand. Several men were loading packages onto the vessel. 

“Yeah,” I latched onto Jisung’s arm looking up at him. “You want me to call it in?” 

He shook his head continuing to watch from afar. “No, Changbin already left. Stay here. I’ll go check it out.” Turning on his flashlight, he kissed my cheek before walking down the beach. 

A chilling breeze blew over the sand. Shoving my hands in my pockets I watched Jisung approach the four men. The beam from his light fanned over the wrapped cargo. My skin crawled. Something felt off. I couldn’t hear anything from where I stood, but I could tell the men were getting more than angry at Jisung for walking into whatever they were doing. 

The muscles in Jisung’s back rippled as he pointed up the beach, most likely telling them to leave. My body froze. Under the moonlight, I thought I saw the glint of a gun being pulled from a jacket. All I could do was try not to scream hearing the sound of a round being fired and watching Jisung fall to the ground. 

“Jisung!”

Ignoring the man they just shot, the men pushed the boat out into the water. The sand beneath my feet made it hard to run. I slipped and fell but scrambled to my feet racing over to Jisung. He clutched his stomach, labored breaths struggling to escape. 

“Jisung!” He looked up at me as I kneeled next to him. Moving his hands I saw blood seeping out of the bullet wound. Jisung struggled to keep his eyes open. “Ji, baby, stay with me.” He cried out in pain feeling me put pressure on the wound. Hands shaking, I pulled my phone out of my pocket. 

Dialing emergency services, I waited for someone to answer as Jisung still bled out beside me. “Yes? Hello! I’m at Cheonsa Beach! It’s an emergency. We need an ambulance.”

“Okay, calm down Miss.”

“Calm down? My boyfriend was just shot!”

The sound of her typing carried through the phone. “The ambulance is three minutes out.” Nodding, I looked back at Jisung.  “Just keep pressure on the bullet wound and make sure your boyfriend stays awake.” In the distance, I heard the sound of sirens. 

“Over here!” Several EMTs ran towards us with a gurney. “We’re over here!” More sirens approached, flashing red and blue. 

“What happened?”

“We were making sure everyone had left the beach. We saw some guys loading packages into a boat and he told me to wait while he went to check it out. The next thing I know they shot him and sailed off.” They nodded and lifted Jisung onto the gurney. Running alongside them, they asked me questions about Jisung, most of which I couldn’t answer. “Sorry, I don’t know.”

“Okay. You can ride with us to the hospital. You’ll have to give a statement to the police and you’re boyfriend will most likely need surgery.”

Hoisting myself up into the ambulance I sat next to the gurney, holding onto Jisung’s hand. The EMT with us tried to keep him awake by asking him questions. “Is he going to be okay?” 

“He just in shock right now. We’ll have to do more tests when we get to the hospital.” She gave me a less than an optimistic smile. “Just in case- we tell most everyone this. You should call someone to be with you.” Not letting go of Jisung’s hand I reached once more for my phone. My heart stopped seeing the dark red stains on my hand. Shakily I called the first person I thought of who I wanted with me. They picked up on the second ring.

“Y/n, what’s up. I’m not-”

“Jeongin...something happened.”

❖

The bright lights of the hospital hallways were still hurting my eyes despite the many hours I had spent here. Jisung’s blood stained hoodie still hung on my shoulders. Jeongin had grabbed some board shorts from his bag so I was a little more covered standing in a passageway teaming with medical professionals.

Apparently, he and Hyunjin had just gotten back to our rental house so they raced back over still in their beachwear. Jeongin called the other boys and Chan left Celi to meet us at the hospital. It was almost eighteen hours since Jisung had been admitted and I had been talking to the police for the last three. Changbin stepped out of the room an hour ago letting me know that he Jisung had woken up. 

My mind was elsewhere, thinking about nothing but seeing my boyfriend. “Thank you so much for your statement. We will be in contact later about the investigation.” Nodding I bowed to the officer, desperately wanting to go back into the hospital room. “An officer will be back in a few days to take your boyfriend’s statement as well. I hope he makes a quick recovery.” 

The officer shook my hand and then bid me farewell. The click of the door was an announcement of my entrance. All five pairs of eyes stared at me as I closed it behind me. I was first drawn to the dark round set sitting in the bed. Wasting no time I rushed to Jisung. It took all of my strength not to cry feeling him hold onto me so tightly.

“You’re okay,” I whispered into his neck.

“I’m not going anywhere, baby. You’re stuck with me.” Jisung pulled me to sit on the bed so he could hug me even tighter. The second I felt him pull away I was prepared to let him go, instead, he pulled me down kissing me deeply. 

“Guys- get a room.”

Jisung pulled away, eyes wide and a shy smile on his face. “Hey! This is technically my room! I’ll kiss my girlfriend if I want to.” 

Jeongin rolled his eyes, crossing his arms over his bare chest. “That’s my best friend your kissing. Watch your hands, assface.” Jisung removed his hands from well below my waist seeing the death inducing glare the youngest Inie was sending his way.

“How are you guys not cold?” I asked noticing all of them had come still in their beachwear. None of them seemed to find the time to put on a shirt. Changbin shrugged and flexed next to Chan. “No shirt, no shoes, no problem.” He said slapping his bicep. 

“I don’t think that applies to a hospital,” I whispered, lacing my fingers with Jisung’s. He chuckled, but winced clutching his side. 

Chan sighed and motioned me over. Reluctantly I left Jisung to talk to him. “The doctor said he’ll have to stay here for at least a week. Maybe a couple days more.” My fingers raked through my hair as I watched Jisung swat away Hyunjin’s hands from a box of chocolates someone had left for him. “We’re going to have to keep a close eye on him when he gets discharged.”

I nodded. “Look I’ll stay here tonight with him. When he gets discharged, I’ll stay at his place and make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid.” 

“Y/n,” Chan started, gently holding onto my arm. The action felt brotherly, like he was taking care of me. “You’ve been awake for over thirty-six hours. I can stay here tonight. Celi said she would drop by later anyway.” 

“Chan, I’m not leaving him.”

He opened his mouth about to say something but was interrupted by the door swinging open and a cheery brunette waltzing in. She carried a plate covered in a clear wrap. “Knock, knock! I- oh....this is uh...” Her eyes widened and her cheeks turned red seeing all but Jisung standing around shirtless. Eyes bulging, Chan lept for the curtains covering himself. Jeongin grabbed an extra blanket form Jisung’s bed and Changbin hid behind me. Hyunjin grabbed the nearest object to him which happened to be a bedpan. 

“EEEEKK!” He screeched realizing what it was, the metal object crashing onto the floor. 

“Celi! Uhh... I thought you were coming later?” Chan stuttered from behind the somewhat sheer curtain over him. He seemed drawn to curtains in these situations. 

Doing her best to suppress the blush on her cheeks she set the plate down on a table and pulled a hoodie out of the bag she had with her, tossing it to her boyfriend. “Well, I made cookies and thought it would make Jisung feel better.” She motioned to the platter filled with homemade baked goods. 

Jisung’s eyes narrowed in confusion. “I got shot. How are cookies supposed to help?” 

A fire lit in Chan’s eyes and I sent an equally chilling glare his way. “Jisung!” I scolded through my teeth. 

“THANK YOU FOR THE COOKIES! I LOVE THEM VERY MUCH!” He screeched in higher register than I thought possible as he slid down the headboard, hiding from the combined power of Chan and my glares.

Thanking Cecilia again on my boyfriend’s behalf I took the cookies and brought them over to his bedside table. Like second nature, Jisung pulled me next to him on the bed and watched me unwrap the plate. He opened his mouth, expecting me to feed him a still warm and gooey cookie. 

Jisung whined when I bit into it instead. “Y/n, baby, I got shot. Please!” Rolling my eyes I placed a cookie in his mouth and watched his cheeks fill up with the sweet goodness Celi had made. He smiled and gave her a thumbs up. “Thank you, gorgeous.” He said kissing my cheek. I shrugged and fought the smile edging its way onto my face. 

“You get shot again, and I’ll have to kill you, Han.” 

Jisung smiled, eyes crinkling up before he nodded. “I promise I won’t get shot by drug traffickers.” I leaned down kissing him again. His familiar long fingers brushed over my cheek. 

“Y/N L/N!”

My name was screamed from the doorway. Jumping away from Jisung I saw my parents standing there, fury the only expression on their faces. “Mom?”  Jisung looked from me to my mother, eyes wide and most likely more afraid of her than he was of me earlier. 

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” My father yelled. Even Changbin flinched at his tone. Hyunjin and Jeongin were used to situations like these and slowly decided to hide behind the closet. The tension in the room couldn’t be cut with a knife it was so thick.

“Who the hell is he? Is he the one who almost got you shot?” My mother screeched, pointing at Jisung. I stood at a loss for words. The man in the bed looked up at me with soft doe eyes, clearly confused. 

“Mom, you don’t understand. It wasn’t Jisung’s fault. He did nothing wrong-”

“You could have died because of him!”

“Mom!” 

My father sighed stepping in. The rest of the room watched the exchange quietly. “Your mother is right. You are coming home with us. We let you come to the beach one last time to spend the summer with your friends. Instead, we get a call in the middle of the night saying your little boy toy has you involved in a drug investigation.” Jisung threw his legs out of the bed but I stopped him from getting up. 

“Dad, Jisung is-”

“I don’t care if Jisung is Gandhi. You are coming home with us and you are never coming back to Cheonsa.” Not letting me say another word, my father grabbed my wrist and began dragging me out the door. I heard Jisung clamber out of the hospital bed and the others attempt to stop him. Looking back I saw him tearing out IVs and pushing past the boys as my parents dragged me away. 

“Dad, please!” 

“Sir! Mr. L/n! Please!” Jisung ran after us down the hall nurses staring as he clutched his side. “Please! Mr. L/n! I love your daughter. Please, let me explain!”  I turned back with wide eyes, but all I could see was Jisung and the heartbroken look on his face as my parents pulled me into a closing elevator. 

He loved me.

❖

Jisung’s POV

I sat staring at my phone. Nothing. I had heard nothing from Y/n in the past twelve days. The Inies reassured me that she was fine, but her parents had confiscated her phone and basically put her under house arrest. 

This was all my fault. 

It felt like a part of me was missing. My thumb hovered over my gallery wanting to look at her pictures again. Unable to resist the urge I opened the app and smiled seeing her face. In only two months my camera roll had become full of her. 

Just as I was about to click on a photo my phone was snatched out of my hand. “You packed, bro?” Hyunjin asked tossing my phone onto the bed. I nodded towards the bag in the chair. I was being discharged in an hour. Yesterday I passed the physical saying I was good to go home. But, home wasn’t home without Y/n. Jeongin entered the room and gave me a pity smile. With one last check-in from the doctor, I was released. 

“Is this really necessary?” I questioned the nurse as Jeongin pushed me through the lobby in a wheelchair. Hyunjin was taking photos of me a giant grin on his face. 

“Yeah, is this necessary?” Jeongin groaned from behind me. The nurse nodded and opened the door for us. Jeongin noticed my, for lack of a better descriptor, depressed as fuck face. “Dude, if you miss her this much go get her.” 

Jeongin stopped just outside the hospital doors, making me turn my head. “I can’t even protect myself from thugs on the beach. How am I supposed to take care of her? How am I supposed to prove myself to them? I’m a music production major. Her parents aren’t going to take me seriously.”

Hyunjin rolled his eyes coming to stand in front of me. “Okay, first of all, you were attacked with a gun. You aren’t fucking Superman. No matter how much you work out your abs will not stop a bullet.” I looked down at my hands, taking in everything the blonde said. “You’ve just got to seize the day. If you want her, go and get her.”

“Seize the day? Really?” Jeongin asked, brows raised. 

“I watched Dead Poets Society last night. Sue Me. Robin Williams is a fucking genius.” 

As the two of them argued about Robin Williams, I thought more about what Hyunjin said. I was never going to get her back if I didn’t try. If I didn’t believe I could convince her parents, then I wouldn’t be able to. I would do anything to be with Y/n. “You’re right,” I said standing up from the wheelchair, stopping the Inies’ argument. “I am gonna seize the day!” 

It was Jeongin’s turn to roll his eyes and he pushed me back down into the chair. “Seize the day when there is less of a hole in your stomach.” With a huff, I sat back down as Innie pushed the chair forward towards the car. “Also,” The young black haired boy started. “Seize your wallet. There’s a taco truck down the street and I’m hungry.”

Reluctantly, I pulled my wallet from my bag to pay for Jeongin and his tacos. I wasn’t about to wait on Y/n though. The second I was able, I was going to get her back.

❖

Y/n’s POV

“Y/n, are you sure you don’t want to eat?” My mom called from downstairs. I laid on my bed staring up at the ceiling. Subconsciously I lifted the black shirt I was wearing up to my nose and breathed in the scent. My parents were kind enough to let me go back to the beach house the Inies and I shared and let me pack.

Wearing Jisung’s shirt gave me a little bit of comfort. That was until I thought about the fact my parents never wanted me to see him again. The shirt smelled like rain on the beach. A very certain scent. A scent that seemed to follow Jisung no matter where he went. 

“No. I’m not eating,” I shouted back. 

Rolling over my bed, I turned to see a stuffed octopus staring back at me. “What are you looking at?” It did nothing but keep its sewn smile on its purple face. Downstairs I heard the doorbell ring. Not taking the plush octopus’s shit, I threw it across the room in anger. Faintly I heard the sound of the door opening and a familiar voice floated through the house. Great, now I was imagining his voice. 

Wait. No. That was him. That was Jisung’s voice. Falling off the bed, I scrambled to my feet swinging my bedroom door open. Hiding behind the stair banister, I watched my mother reluctantly let Jisung into the house. His dark hair was neatly styled and pushed away from his forehead. Simple silver earrings dangled and bounced against his skin. He wore a navy suit jacket and a simple white shirt, tucked into the matching dress pants. The pants were cropped making him look a little taller and revealing the tan skin of his ankles. 

Jisung respectfully bowed as my father entered the room and looked around, eyes turning to the staircase. I ducked down, hitting my head on the railing in the process. “Ow-shit,” I whispered rubbing the top of my head. 

Peaking around the corner I saw my parents lead Jisung into the living room. He sat down on the couch, still in my view. My parents sat across from him, their backs to me. Just seeing his face made my heartrate shift to lightspeed. 

“I would like to reintroduce myself,” He started, deep voice bouncing off the walls and carrying to my hiding place. “My name is Han Jisung. I’m twenty years old. I’m a music production major at Seoul University....and your daughter is the love of my life.” 

I could already see my mother shaking her head. She wouldn’t except less than a rich doctor with a terrible personality for me. Let me tell you, most of the medical students don't have time to date. I could tell Jisung was starting to get nervous by the way his leg shook and he began anxiously turning the ring on his left hand round his finger.

“Let’s just push away the fact that you nearly got my daughter shot.” Jisung winced and looked away, before meeting my father’s eyes once more. “What are your intentions with my daughter, Y/n?” 

Jisung sighed, wringing his hands together. What were his intentions with me? I knew that he was serious about our relationship, but past that I was clueless. With an unwavering gaze, he looked back to my father. “I intend to marry her, sir. Not any time soon, but I do want to marry her. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I love Y/n.” 

It was impossible to keep the smile from spreading over my face. My parents shared a look, but from their body language, I already knew what their answer was. “Mr. Han,”

“Please, Jisung is just fine.” 

“Jisung,” My mother continued in a cold tone. “We want you nowhere near our daughter. She has a bright future in front of her and you will only hinder it. You are just a constant reminder of her days prancing around on the beach. We cannot allow this relationship to continue, especially with her safety involved.”

His eyes visibly saddened and his shoulders sunk. “But-”

“If you know what’s best for you...what’s best for Y/n...you will let her go. You will walk out that door and never see her again.”

“What if I say no?”

My mother straightened her posture and smoothed out her dress. “If we find out you are seeing Y/n...we’ll withdraw her tuition payment and disown her. She’ll be kicked out onto the street. Can you live with that?” 

I watched the gears turn in Jisung’s head. I wanted him to stand up and say that he didn’t care. To say that he just wanted to be with me. I would choose him in a heartbeat. 

Instead, his head hung low and he ran his long fingers through his dark locks. “No, I couldn’t.” 

My mother, obviously pleased, stood up a clear smile was heard in her voice. “Then your business here is done.” Jisung watched my mother move towards the entryway, clearly wearing his heart on his sleeve. He made no attempt at hiding how heartbroken he was.

“Will you at least let me say goodbye to her?” He pleaded, round doe eyes turned down and expecting a bad answer. My father sighed, before looking upstairs. 

“Make it quick.”

Jisung’s head shot up, eyes filling with hope. He looked to the stairs before hesitantly walking towards them. I sprinted to my room leaving the door open just a crack. As I turned, I face-planted onto my carpet. Looking back I glared once again at the purple octopus that had caused my fall. Angrily chucking it somewhere else in the room I stood up and waited for Jisung to come in. 

A hesitant knock filled my bedroom. He did not wait to enter. Jisung looked around before his eyes finally settled on me. I wasted no time in rushing to him. Wrapping my arms around his neck I crashed my lips onto his. My heart broke feeling him hold onto me so tightly. Jisung pulled away with sorrow filled eyes. 

“I came to say goodbye.” 

“I know. I heard everything.” Jisung rested his forehead against mine, eyes closing. “Jisung this isn’t your choice.” He shook his head still not looking at me. His lips pressed against mine softly once more.

“I’m not letting you throw away your life for me.”

“What if I want to?” Jisung looked me in the eyes. I could tell he was searching for any hesitance. “You love me.” It wasn’t a question and he knew it. Silently, he nodded still searching my face. 

“Let’s run away. Screw my parents. I have enough in my savings to finish my degree.”  

“Baby, I can’t do that to you. There’s no guarantee in my future. I might not be able to provide for you. I love you enough to understand that letting you go while it kills me...is what is best for you.” Our voices had moved to hushed whispers. 

The back of my hand brushed over his cheek. “That’s not your decision to make.” He chuckled, still wincing a little from his healing wound. “I love you, Jisung. I’m asking you to run away with me.”

Once again I saw the gears begin to turn in his brain. He took more time thinking this through than he did downstairs. My heart hammered in my chest waiting for his answer. It stopped when his lips pressed against mine in a slow sensual kiss. 

“Pack your bags,” Jisung whispered against my lips. 

❖

A year had passed. My legs rested on either side of the surfboard floating on the water. The waves swayed them beneath the surface and I watched the slim form of Jisung ride a wave closer to where my board floated. I smiled watching him wipe out, disappearing beneath the blue water. Turning back, I saw the beach house on the shore, lights on, and waiting for us to return home from our sunset surf.

“Hey, gorgeous,” Jisung said popping up beside my board. His long fingers were wrapped around the tip of his own surfboard keeping it from floating away. His other arm rested on top of mine and lacing our fingers together. He smiled watching the glint on my left hand shine in the setting sun. 

My eyes fell to his chest, most of it submerged. Through the water, I saw his newest tattoo and smiled. My name right over his heart. “Nice wipeout.” Jisung rolled his eyes before letting go of my hands and swimming over to his board and pushing himself up. We let the slowly decreasing waves push them next to each other, our legs brushing through the cold clear water. 

“You don’t regret leaving with me do you?” Jisung asked, looking at the sunset. 

I shook my head, staring at the red and orange glow of the disappearing sun. “Not one bit.” Jisung turned, grabbing my hand. With a smile, our lips connected just as the sun sunk beneath the waves. This was only the beginning of my life with Jisung.

❖

Requests are Temporarily Closed!

Masterlist

[itsclydebitches]

Godddddd I'm so upset that I dislike yen this much, doing main quests in skellige and Freyas ppl were doing stuff and she again disrespected other cultures with Geraly being against, "I may be inhumanly beautiful" I know she's meant to be confident but wowww. She's not confident and worried for Ciri she just comes off arrogant and selfish and vain. Like, fuck.

The ultimate mood, anon. My Witcher fandom life would be so much easier if I enjoyed Yen ... but I just do not lol. Remember how I mentioned that things were going to get even worse than her stealing and using a potentially dangerous artifact? Yeeeaah. She also resurrects Ciri's friend to torture him for information, all while destroying another sacred garden to get the power to do it! It's not even a "She's so evil and I love it 😏" situation for me because the game tries so hard to convince us that she's still The Best. Geralt's sexy soulmate, Ciri's adoring mother, the baddest bitch around who gets things done and does it with an effortless confidence... all while ignoring how horrific her actions and attitude are. Oh sure, other characters speak ill of her at times, but considering how much Geralt is written to adore her, no matter what you choose, that's all undermined. I love morally gray/evil characters, but I've never enjoyed them when the text refuses to appropriately acknowledge that side of them. Nothing is more frustrating to me than a story that frames disliking a character as the unambiguously wrong thing to do, especially when the text is piling up reasons to dislike them and, as a result, ignoring or shrugging them off their actions as not that bad. Yen is a rather extreme example of that for me. Despite her attitude, her choices, and other characters outright going, "Why do you like her?" the story as a whole works under the assumption that it's correct to like her anyway because Geralt loves her. And he loves her for... reasons.

They do meet before the wish, but only just. Major "The Last Wish" spoilers in this paragraph, so feel free to skip. Basically, Geralt and Dandelion run into trouble with a djinn, he goes to Yen for help since she's a sorceress (first time meeting her), he instantly falls for her because she's gorgeous and such (there's an elf there who is also madly in love with Yen. Men just... fall for her, instinctually), she heals Dandelion, Geralt agrees to pay her, but Yen has already decided on the payment she wants. She takes control of Geralt's mind and forces him to attack the town to seek revenge on those who have insulted her, resulting in him waking up in prison awaiting execution for "his" crimes. Meanwhile, Yen has gone after the djinn for herself because power/trying to regain her ability to have a kid. Geralt escapes, finds her failing to master the djinn (an attempt which btw has endangered the whole town) and despite what she's done to him, Geralt tries to get Yen to escape with him. She refuses, set on capturing the djinn even though it's obvious she can't. So as a last resort he uses the final wish to bind their fates together, saving Yen from the djinn in the process. Aaaaaand then they have sex.

So yeah, their rocky relationship is one of the main reasons why I can't enjoy Yen. For some their tumultuous history is evidence of realism, for me it's evidence that they're not actually very compatible and they're only together because a) that's the fantasy trope: protagonist men get together with the hot sorceress and b) because the magic is literally ensuring that they can't escape one another. I mean, canonically their fates are tied together by magic and canonically they spend about 20 years swinging between passionate love and fearsome fights... but there's supposedly no connection between these two things? No chance at all that they keep coming together because magic is drawing them rather than because they actually want/should be together? I wrote a meta a while back about the short story where they meet, which includes a present day scene where Geralt is criticized by another character — Nenneke — for running out on Yen. Thing is, he tries to explain that he left because she was "too possessive" and this is... flat out ignored. By both Nenneke and the fandom. There's a strong trend of ignoring Geralt's words in favor of a pro-Yen interpretation of events. He says he left because she was too possessive and she treated him like ____ — he's not allowed to finish the sentence and say what she treated him like because Nenneke interrupts him, saying she doesn't care about his version of events. Major yikes imo! She turns a claim of being possessive into Geralt not being man enough to stick around. The fandom likewise turns this into a case of Geralt getting cold feet and running out because he's a bastard who hates commitment. Likewise, Nenneke and the fandom claim Geralt is trying to get Yen money as a way of appeasing his guilt for leaving, he claims he's doing it simply because he still cares for her — even if he doesn't want to be with her — and knows she needs it. Geralt's words are frequently dismissed, in the same way others characters' opinions of Yen are dismissed. Any mark against her is treated as either a lie, or a convoluted claim that they don't really know her... never mind that an understanding of why she may act this way doesn't excuse the behavior itself. (Plus, the whole "Yen had a horrible upbringing, so of course she struggles being kind" perspective always fell flat to me when so many, including witchers, had horrendous upbringings too. The whole point is this world is a mess and most everyone suffers). It's supposedly true love, yet if someone came up to me and went, "I magically tied my fate to this woman to keep her from getting herself killed and we've spent the last couple decades having what many would term a rocky relationship, to put it kindly. I left once because she was too controlling. She once cheated on me. I likewise hooked up with others during our frequent breakups. A mutual friend used magic to get me to have sex with her — also while my lover and I were broken up — and though I view it as a dumb decision I'm happy to forgive her for, my lover is ready to commit murder because again: possessive. A lot of the time we're only a family because of our daughter. I once thought she'd horrifically betrayed us both. She didn't, but it says something that I was so ready to believe it, huh? Hmm? Permanently separated? Of course not! I love her. We're destined to be together after all :)" I'd be like, "Uh... you sure about that, dude?"

Not that Geralt doesn't make his fair share of mistakes in the relationship — he absolutely does — but I don't think it helps his case that he's immature in other ways and, frankly, that he's a very strong, badass witcher. It's easy to turn the hints we get about their relationship into a simplistic "emotionally naive man can't give the poor woman the commitment she wants" situation. Given Geralt's status as the badass fighter of the tale, it's likewise easy to dismiss his admissions of her being "possessive" and his general discomfort. He's the man. He's the witcher. If he's making any claims about how Yen isn't treating him well, they must be excuses, or exaggerations, because real men, especially physically powerful men, would do something about that — a something that's not sneaking out in the middle of the night. A lot of people read Geralt leaving as the ultimate proof that he's an immature bastard who doesn't deserve her. I read him leaving and think, "What were you trying to get away from? What was going on that made you think you could only leave by sneaking out without a word?" To me, that doesn't read as someone who felt safe, comfortable, and respected enough to do anything but slip away and try to wash his hands of things. And I'm not just pulling this "Geralt is at least somewhat afraid of Yen and isn't comfortable establishing boundaries with her" reading out of my ass. When Yen wants Geralt to kill the golden dragon for her and he refuses, saying he doesn't care anymore, his thoughts are:

He expected the worst: a cascade of flames, flashes of lightning, blows raining down on his face, insults and curses. There was nothing. He saw, with astonishment, only the subtle trembling of her lips. Yennefer turned around slowly. Geralt regretted his words.

And everyone is like, "See! Yen has improved so much. Geralt nearly made her cry, but she's supposed to be the bad guy here?" Meanwhile, I'm going, "Uh... anyone want to unpack why he expects fire, lightning, insults, curses, and blows to his face for telling her no? Why he's astonished that she wouldn't use her magic against him? Anyone think that Yen refraining from attacking Geralt when he refuses to murder on her command is a pretty low bar? No? Just me?"

Geralt and Yen's relationship makes me uncomfortable and a great deal of that discomfort derives from how much of the Witcher fandom shrugs off the fictional warning signs. I mean, I post primarily about RWBY. We watched a man in that show try to sneak away with his kids when his villainous wife planned to use them for a eugenics plan... and the fandom still blames him for that, refusing to admit that he was in an abusive relationship. Because that doesn't happen to men, right? I'm not saying it's the same for Geralt and Yen, simply because they are written to be soulmates. An abusive relationship was, quite obviously, never the authorial intent. However, I am saying that the a "This isn't a healthy relationship" reading is there, it exists as an interpretation, and both the story and fandom's tendency to dismiss it is something that hasn't helped me enjoy Yen's status as an otherwise well written, complex character. Their equality supposedly stems in part because they're both so flawed, yet each time I see a list of Geralt's supposedly equal faults they're... lacking imo. "Geralt bound himself to Yen without her consent." Yeah, to save her from dying from the djinn she was trying to enslave, after she refused to leave, while her actions threatened a whole town. "Geralt ran off without a word." Mmm hmm, anyone care about why? And my personal favorite is a scene you may not have gotten to yet (or may not get depending on your choices), but suffice to say, Yen is supposedly justified in physically attacking Geralt if he dares to challenge her in any way. That's the main takeaway across the fandom: If Yen is pissed off, you must have done something to deserve it which, in the relationship deliberately written to be "stormy," is something that sets all the alarm bells in my head off. Honestly, it kinda makes my skin crawl to go, "Geralt didn't deserve that" and get responses back of, "Yeah he did because he [insert basic human action here]." The Witcher world is hard and cruel, absolutely, but that doesn't mean I personally enjoy seeing an equally messed up relationship presented as something that's enviable in its flaws. "That's actually true love because the magically bound man who often expresses discomfort with his lover, written by a male author with a very iffy perspective on women, says it's true love." Crazy theory here, but... maybe it's not?

Idk, lots of rambling on my end tonight! For me, Geralt/Yen reads as something rather tragic which, in a canon that unironically upholds the relationship, and in a Yen-adoring fandom, doesn't make enjoying her character any easier. I keep coming back to Witcher 3, the comics, the show, even the books going, "Maybe I'll like her this time?" but nope, still trying lol.

[ambivalentmarvel]

so the story behind this is that @sreppub​ arrived in my dms saying “sitcom starring two uppity, former rich guys and a regular poor college kid who follow up an online ad and become roommates” and i said something along the lines of “your MIND” and here we are. she does the art, i do the fic, and we both yell a lot along the way. read it on here or ao3 and enjoy!!

The Sitcom Supreme

If Peter or Stephen were around to hear Tony tell the story of how they all ended up rooming together, they would have plenty of objections, to which he would call them both dirty liars, to which they would gang up on him because they’re terrible and like that, to which he would probably throw up his hands in exasperation and/or make the mistake of engaging them in a debate, to which they would grin like wolves because, once again, they’re terrible and like that, but Tony’s the asshole who put up the Craigslist ad, so he gets to start—because he’s terrible and like that.

It’s a common trait amongst the three of them, what can he say?

The beginning of the story does not involve either of the other two, however. It begins with Rhodey, who is only occasionally terrible and like that. Rhodey has been Tony’s best friend since the tender age of fifteen. Considering Tony at age fifteen was a greasy little douche bag with too much money and a whole bunch of daddy issues that were somehow more obvious then than they are in the present, this is an impressive feat. 

Where things start, Rhodey and Tony are roommates at MIT, which is Howard’s school of choice to shove his problem child onto. Tony is supposed to get a single dorm room, but there’s a cockroach problem in that building. Administration has to get creative, which is how Rhodey, fresh out of boot for the fall semester, gets saddled with approximately one hundred and fifty pounds of neglected teenage boy who has only kind of gone through puberty.

The first words out of Tony’s mouth are blunt: “Any chance you have plans to drop out?”

And Rhodey looks at him with a raised brow, efficiently unpacked and totally unimpressed with the enormous stack of Tony’s things wavering in the doorway. “You have any plans to quit being annoying?” he retorts, which set the tone for their entire relationship.

Tony loves him to pieces. 

He’s the older brother he never knew he needed, yanking him by his collar from frat parties on the weekends and to his house for holidays because getting swamped by Rhodey’s six younger siblings is infinitely better than having to wear a suit and tie for Christmas dinner with six CEOs and maybe some senators, depending on the year. In return, Tony sees him through every finals week of his collegiate career, during which Rhodey gets so nervous he usually pukes at least daily and pulls so many all-nighters Tony memorizes the exact shade of red his eyes are at the end.

So, it’s safe to say they get along well. They get along so well, as a matter of fact, that when they stare at each other after their graduation ceremony for their Masters—a two-year process for both of them, and Rhodey receives two degrees to Tony’s four—surrounded by Rhodey’s family and Jarvis, Tony’s lips curl in a smirk Rhodey knows spells the best kind of trouble. “What do you say we keep the roommate streak alive, yeah? Howard’s building an office in New York, and I’m thinking of doing a doctorate at NYU.”

Rhodey’s brows raise, but he’s grinning, so Tony already knows his answer. “Depends. Are you still gonna’ snore?”

“Are you still gonna’ have a stick up your a—”

Mama Rhodes shoots Tony a look from where she’s trying to corral the rest of her kids.

“—butt?” he finishes with a sheepish glance her way.

Rhodey does not even remotely have a stick up his ass, but of the two of them, he features in tabloids far, far less, which Tony somehow uses to his advantage.

“You know it,” Rhodey replies, and so they find a fancy penthouse that Tony mostly pays for, with the excuse of Rhodey satisfying his part of rent via generally covering Tony’s ass to the best of his ability. And he has a lot of ability, honed from years upon years of Tony self-destructing at the drop of a hat, but there’s only so much he can do, especially as his military career just keeps flying higher and Howard just keeps pushing Tony harder.

A few sex tapes, especially wild benders, and crashed cars later, when Howard cuts Tony off and tells him, quote, “I won’t speak to you until you learn to do something other than disappoint me”, Rhodey very gracefully still shacks up with him in their considerably less fancy apartment.

This is all important to know, contrary to what someone whose name may or may not rhyme with Tephen Trange might say about Tony’s “long-winded” and “overly-complicated” storytelling tendencies because it explains exactly why Rhodey is a traitor.

Is Carol a very cool lady who could kick Tony’s ass? Yes. Is she sickeningly cute with Rhodey and not just because a smile from her makes him melt into a pile of fucking goo on the floor? Also yes. Does it probably make more sense for Tony to find roommates who will actually be around to monitor his—allegedly—poor mental health and self-care habits? Okay, fine, yes, but the bottom line is, Rhodey is moving in with Carol and abandoning Tony, and nobody said he had to like it.

(This is not strictly true, what with the approximately ten conversations Rhodey and he have had about his happiness and how, if Tony needs him, all he has to do is say the word and he’ll be back, but Tony has always had a flair for the dramatic.)

The whole idea is that Tony will find someone gone less than Rhodey with all his military business to enjoy having around the apartment. It’s technically a three-bedroom, but he and Rhodey use the extra one for storage. Fortunately or unfortunately, that storage area has become a lot of junk they go through before Rhodey makes his grand exit, and Tony suddenly has the option of having two roommates.

The ad is a low point, he can admit that, but there is a flaw in what Tony loudly calls Rhodey’s master plan to leave him alone to wallow in misery: Tony doesn’t exactly have a lot of friends, nevermind people who he’d want to live with.

“Rhodey. Honeybear. Platypus.”

“The nicknames are old, and you need to stop using them around Carol. She called me Platypus last night during sex, and it ruined the whole mood.”

“You poor thing.”

“She thought it was hilarious.”

If Tony has to lose Rhodey to anybody, by God, Carol is his first choice by a long shot.

“Anyway, as I was saying, Sourpatch—”

“I hate you.”

“—how am I supposed to find someone else to live with?”

Tony is thirty-two and regularly speaks out with all of four people: Pepper, Rhodey, Carol, and Happy. Unfortunately, Happy works in Stark Industries’ California branch and has stated rather firmly that he’s not interested in transferring to the city, Pepper wouldn’t live with another person for love or money, and the other two are spoken for.

It’s a terrible situation to be in, honestly.

“Craigslist,” Rhodey deadpans, fighting with some packing tape.

Tony feels his heart stop beating in real time from his place folding some of Rhodey’s clothes into a plastic tub. His head snaps up, and his jaw drops, absolutely affronted. “You would suggest that I, even disowned and stripped of my former glory—” Tony has several million dollars in the stock market, but that’s neither here nor there and isn’t much compared to the fact that he was supposed to be a billionaire. “—would stoop to looking for live-in friends on Craigslist?”

Rhodey looks up to meet his eyes, unfazed. He’s used to Tony’s antics after nearly two decades of friendship. “Well, I’m not moving out until you have at least one person guaranteed to take my place, so unless you have any better ideas, yeah.” He shrugs—just shrugs, as if he isn’t advising Tony to scrape the bottom of the fucking barrel in terms of reliable people to regularly fall asleep around.

It’s insulting.

“I’m not putting out an ad for a roommate on Craigslist,” he protests, shoving the next horribly colored polo into the tub with disdain.

That night, he tears up thinking about stopping Rhodey from being happy with Carol, and the post is up by the time Rhodey gets up—stupidly early, like normal—for his morning run. Along with his contact information and a few blurry pictures of the place, it includes a blurb about the circumstances.

Best friend moving out. Need a roommate or I will die of Sadness. His girlfriend is cool but hewas mind first. Carol, I am watching you. Two rooms open for business. But not sketchy business. You can just lve there. Current resident (me) is cool and very charming. I am a man. No dumb fuck offers. Thanks.

It could use some work, but Tony’s never been great with words, even less so when he’s crying to rock ballads at two in the morning. He edits it when he wakes up, and by noon that day, it’s looking better.

At seven o’clock that evening, he receives one of two messages that actually work out.

Enter the first offender: Peter Parker.

Peter, Tony will learn, is nineteen, attending NYU—like Tony did, which is a sign, really—for a double major in biochemistry and physics, and has the worst luck of anyone Tony’s ever met.

Rhodey’s moving out in a week—he’s been putting off finding a roommate for a while, alright—and Peter has to legally be out of his dorm in three days. That is quite the predicament, and Tony, by nature, is a curious creature. He is not, however, one for beating around the bush. That results in a text that reads exactly this.

Tony: What the hell did you do?

He could hack through the university files, but explanations are always more fun with a personal touch that’s lacking in, say, an incident report. Tony watches a bubble with three blinking dots for a long, long time, and the reply is surprisingly sparse—sparse enough, in fact, for Tony to have more questions than answers when he receives it.

Unknown Sender: theres been a few things but the kicker was the fire

Tony: The fire?

Unknown Sender: i tried to make popcorn and the microwave blew up

Now that is some problematic behavior Tony can get behind. He amends the kid’s previously non-existent contact information.

Tony: How can they kick you out for that? That’s not your fault.

Roommate (?) Peter: it blacked out the power on the entire first floor

Tony: And?

Roommate (?) Peter: last month i got the blame for contaminating half the campus water supply

Roommate (?) Peter: so i was already on thin ice

Tony: Accidentally?

Roommate (?) Peter: idk sometimes things just happen to me

Tony doesn’t know how to respond to that. If Rhodey knew, he’d never let him live it down. He can hear his annoying laugh in his ears like a premonition—“Hah—Tony, speechless?”—but then there are the dots again and a simple message to follow the last, a touch pathetic.

Roommate (?) Peter: please let me move in

Tony likes him.

Peter shows up on the stairs of the complex thirty-six hours after Tony posted the ad with a backpack and a meager total of six beat-to-shit boxes. The backpack holds nearly all of his school supplies, which makes Tony, in retrospect, genuinely fearful for the integrity of his spine, and the contents of the boxes are sorted, as Tony will learn, into three categories that each have two boxes in them. The categories are fairly simple—clothing, necessities, and whatever other shit he could fit from his dorm—and leave Peter with thrilling possessions such as an entire collection of truly atrocious shirts with science puns on them, a gallon of hand soap, and any food he had in his cupboards.

Thankfully, Rhodey is out furniture shopping with Carol when Tony goes out to meet him, which solves the problem of Rhodey going into overbearing caretaker mode at the sight of a beanpole of a kid failing to manage their life successfully. As someone who has been made many a you-haven’t-eaten-a-meal-in-two-days-and-I’m-secretly-a-panicking-mother-hen casserole, Tony counts his blessings.

Tony waves. “Peter?” he asks, reluctantly changed out of his pajamas for the day.

The kid nods. “That’s me. And you’re Tony?”

“Guilty as charged. Want a hand with those boxes?” he asks, watching Peter lift three at a time.

“No, I got it,” he insists, and then the box on top slides out of his grip and onto the sidewalk.

Peter stares at it for a second before he lets out a long-suffering sigh.

“Maybe I could use some help,” he admits, and with much struggle, the two of them, each with three boxes, waddle inside. There is a moment and only one moment where Tony thinks that it might be nice to have some extra assistance, but with another thought of the things Rhodey would do at the sight of a woefully inept college kid, Tony decides it’s for the best.

Tony leads the operation, considering he has the key and also knows explicitly where they’re going, and he would have to say his biggest complaint about the ordeal is that Sam, who lives in the apartment below Tony and Rhodey with Steve and Bucky, happens to open his door as they walk by.

Being an asshole, he has something to say about it. “Need some help, shellhead?” he crows.

Tony wishes he had a free hand to flip him off.

“Watch your back, Wilson,” he growls in return, a continuation of the beef the five of them have maintained since they met approximately seven years ago, when they all moved in on the same day and kept knocking into each other’s shit in the halls.

When they reach the top of the next flight of stairs and Tony starts to fumble with the key, Peter asks about it. “So—uh—who was that?”

“That was Sam. Part of the deal with moving in is that you harass him and the other two idiots who live with him. He also responds to jackass, douchecanoe, or birdbrain.”

“Birdbrain?”

“It’s an old joke. He had a rather—” Tony grunts, forced to set down his load to unlock the door, “—spectacular run-in with some pigeons a few years ago.”

“Oh.”

“They shat on him. A lot.”

“Oh.”

“It’s a good nickname,” Tony assures him, throwing open the door with his arms flung wide for dramatic flair. “Welcome to Casa Stark. I mean, I guess it’s Casa Stark-Parker now, but if we’re hyphenating, my name goes first because I lived here first.” He holds up a finger as if to stall Peter, who has yet to speak from where his mouth is decidedly blocked by the aforementioned three boxes he is carrying. “And I know what you’re going to say—that Parker-Stark works better because it’s alphabetical—but that is where you are wrong because letters have no place in this house. Numbers are much preferred, and we play by seniority here, anyway.”

He gives Peter a meaningful look that he cannot see because, once again, boxes.

“More on that, by the way—”

“Hey, Tony?” 

He cuts him off which is, objectively, rude, but Tony rarely gets along with people who aren’t a little curt with him from time to time. This is a positive sign, really, so he allows it.

“Yeah?” 

“This can be Casa Stark-Parker, but can we get to somewhere I can set these down? My arms are, like, going to give out on me.”

Not even ten minutes in, and he’s already learned the art of bargaining. Tony’s proud, and he ushers him inside without any more monologues and a grin stretched across his face.

Peter, by virtue of moving in before Rhodey is out, ends up with the room that is no longer being used for storage. Tony has several questions for him, beginning with the fact that, despite the six packets of instant noodles he bothered to bring, he does not appear to have a mattress. Or a desk. Or a dresser. Or anything that’s supposed to go in a room.

His solutions for Tony’s concerns are as follows.

In place of a bed, he has two blankets, one to put on the floor and one to cover himself with. He was planning on sitting on the floor to do schoolwork instead of using a desk. And finally, he was going to leave his clothes in the boxes.

This is all relayed to Tony with an earnest gleam in his eyes and a smile.

Tony blinks in disbelief. Then, very eloquently, he says, “Kid, that is the saddest shit I have ever heard. Aren’t your parents helping you with the move to an apartment?”

The kid shifts from foot to foot, shoving his hands in his pockets and glancing to the side.

Tony’s eyes narrow. As someone who is extremely well-versed in avoidance tactics, he feels very confident in saying that is definitely a fucking avoidance tactic.

“About that,” he begins, “first of all, I’m an orphan.” Jesus Christ. “Second of all, my aunt doesn’t exactly—uh—know I got kicked out of the dorms.”

That is all interesting information, to say the least, but luckily, Tony thrives under pressure.

“Alright. I can respect that.”

It’s not like he never hid anything from his parents. Evading his aunt is Peter’s problem, not Tony’s. None of this is Tony’s problem, really, except then he looks around the room and wonders which of Peter’s boxes are holding his two blankets.

Tony was concerned about Rhodey, but he can’t stop himself.

“But I’m also gonna’ level with you—you’re not sleeping on the ground. You can take the couch.”

The until I get you a proper bed frame and mattress goes unsaid, but sometimes things like that are better as surprises. It’ll be a fun housewarming gift, Tony thinks, and by the time the shipment from IKEA arrives containing both of those things and the aforementioned missing dresser and desk, there will be a third roommate to help put it all together, not that either of them know it yet.

That night, Rhodey and Carol show up with enough ingredients for lasagna to serve four, and Tony delights in showing off Peter as they cook because now he has a “super cool roommate too! Take that, Platypus.”

Rhodey glances to Peter. “If you’re being held hostage, blink twice.”

“Hey!” Tony protests. He is a perfectly lovable roommate, thank you very much, and he’s so offended, he’s not even going to let Rhodey know about his mission to furnish Peter’s room.

God bless her, Carol just laughs.

The four of them get along with surprising ease, considering Peter’s only been around for a few hours. Peter even tries to help with the lasagna, but Tony has a near-photographic memory and has not remotely forgotten the popcorn incident, however vaguely it was described.

“You just sit there and be a nicer person than Rhodey,” he urges him, and Peter nods, hiding his grin behind his hand at the argument that starts.

Once everyone is done, he and Rhodey get suckered into dish duty while Carol spirits Peter off to the living room, claiming she has to warn him about what he’s getting into. Tony doesn’t care enough to complain, and when her back is turned, he splashes a plate of suds onto Rhodey’s front. 

Rather than rise to the bait, however, he raises his brows, slipping into what Tony affectionately calls his big-brother-giving-a-stern-talking-to mode. “You have to be a good example for him, Tones.”

Tony blinks. “I’m sorry, did you just say—”

“I’m serious!” They keep their voices mostly down, but Rhodey’s rises a bit with the declaration.

“He’s nineteen—an adult, in case you forgot. He signed the lease all on his own and everything,” he hisses back incredulously.

He thought he dodged the bullet by not disclosing just how underprepared Peter is to live in an apartment, but Rhodey’s head dips. Tony braces himself for the part of his big-brother-giving-a-stern-talking-to mode where he tells Tony he’s making a bullshit excuse and needs to get it together. “Don’t give me that. He’s a baby adult at best, and you know it.”

Yep, there it is.

“That’s still an adult!”

It is! Tony was on his own way earlier than nineteen. This is not a big deal, no matter how outlandish Peter’s circumstances are for moving out of NYU’s dorms.

“Watch his back.”

Tony scoffs. “It’s not like I was going to feed him to the wolves. I’m barely thirty—I’m not his dad.”

“Tony.”

Ah, the final, crushing blow of this version of Rhodey: his name—but with emphasis.

Tony sighs. “Fine,” he acquiesces. “I solemnly swear I will not let him get up to no good.”

A beat. Rhodey squints at him, slowly lowering the plate he’s holding into the sink. “You told me you refused to read Harry Potter.”

Shit.

Back when the books were first coming out, Rhodey was insufferably obsessed with them, and Tony loves him, but emotionally, he couldn’t handle having Rhodey think he was willing to discuss anything having to do with the series for longer than thirty seconds. Thus, he read the books—everyone in the world was doing the same, okay, and he cannot stand being out of the loop—but lied to Rhodey about it.

And now, he’s been made.

Rhodey and he launch into a very spirited discussion that draws Carol and Peter back to the kitchen, and despite the vein throbbing dangerously in Rhodey’s forehead, the promise has been made.

The day after Rhodey moves out, he and Peter manage to flood the bathroom.

In Tony’s defense, he only promised to look out for Peter. He said nothing about curbing his own dumbass tendencies, and it’s not like Bucky’s bedroom is all that damaged by the leak that Tony fixes before it’s really even a problem.

He and Peter settle into a nice sense of camaraderie, and Tony, content with his situation, forgets to take down his Craiglist ad that, logically speaking, someone would have to dig to find at this point, over a week after initially posting it.

Then, he receives a text that is as simple as it is effective: Is there still an available room in the apartment?

Enter the second offender: Stephen Strange.

Ahem, Doctor Stephen Strange, technically, but Tony has six PhDs. Nobody sees him going around making people call him Doctor Stark, and that’s because it makes him sound pretentious and stuffy, both things Tony prides himself on not being. However, Tony likes to push buttons, and very little gets Stephen worked up as fast as someone ignoring his credentials.

It’s a fun set-up, really, but annoying the piss out of Stephen is something that comes a little later—Tony’s not there yet in the story.

He humors the text, and after getting a read on things, he bursts into the living room, startling Peter nearly off the couch. He’s been doing his homework there and on the coffee table in front of it because the Swedish have many things but fast shipping is, apparently, not one of them, not that Peter knows there’s anything to be waiting on, but he’s getting off-topic.

Peter lets out a short yelp and presses a hand over his heart, both things that Tony ignores.

“We have a situation,” he announces.

“I swear I didn’t do it,” Peter defends pleadingly.

Tony is trying to teach him that messing things up is expected and, especially in particularly magnificent cases, admired in Casa Stark-Parker, but it’s a work in progress.

“I know you didn’t—don’t be ridiculous,” he waves his concerns off. “We are talking bigger than setting things on fire by accident. I bring you, my young protege, the proposition of—” A pause for dramatic effect. “—another roommate.”

“Ooh,” Peter says appropriately, setting his textbook down to examine the texts Tony brandishes. He begins to scroll, but while he does, Tony figures he can go ahead and fill him in on the essentials. It’s a very juicy situation, after all, and he can’t help himself.

“His name is Stephen Strange. He’s a neurosurgeon, but he got into a pretty bad car wreck that messed up his hands. He’s trying to save money while he goes to physical therapy—he apparently has a chance of recovery, but it’s a ways off—and that includes downsizing on where he lives.”

“I mean, yikes, but that’s an oddly specific backstory.”

“I’m glad you think that too, but I am intrigued. I looked him up, and he’s a real person—has a basically flawless reputation, or at least he did before his accident. Thoughts?”

Please say yes, please say yes, Tony thinks. The chance of a competent human—not including Rhodey, who looks more put together than he really is next to the chaos Tony perpetually dwells in—choosing to live with him is too fascinating to pass up, and he needs Peter to see that too.

Peter shrugs. “I’m down if you are. How old is he?”

Victory!

Satisfaction floods Tony, but he tries to maintain his cool.

“Thirty.”

Peter blows out a long breath, tipping his head back to look at the ceiling. “I didn’t anticipate moving into a nursing home,” he remarks dryly.

What a little shit.

It’s worth noting half the reason Rhodey left so easily is because he said he trusted Peter to keep Tony on his toes. Then again, that Tony likes being snarked at is a large part of why they get along so well despite only knowing each other for a matter of days.

“You’re the worst, Parker. I’m going to feed you to the hooligans downstairs. Steve has a monster appetite, you know.”

Peter hums, picking his textbook back up. “Not if I feed you to them first. And, Tony?”

“What?”

“Only old people say hooligans.”

Tony thinks about that one book, Give a Mouse a Cookie or whatever. Except in his case, it’s Rent a Teenager an Apartment, and Tony doesn’t have to adhere to the literary equivalent of a G-rating.

His response to the dig is creative and colorful, and Peter laughs.

Four days and a brief conversation at a coffee shop later—a formality he and Peter did not do and probably something Tony should’ve thought of as the older adult before giving him the address—Stephen’s team of movers invade the apartment.

The man himself stands like a drill sergeant at the last flights of stairs it takes to get to the apartment, arms crossed, beard wild, conducting activity.

Peter and Tony share their evaluations, peeking their head out from the doorway when it’s unoccupied by movers and Stephen isn’t looking their way. This involves quite a bit of ducking, but they are very careful not to be caught.

(Someone’s whose name may or may not rhyme with Tephen Trange later informs that “they were not at all subtle” and “were, in fact, very embarrassing”, but that’s how things with the three of them generally are, so Tony figures it was a good crash course to how life together goes.)

“He’s kind of scraggly,” Peter whispers, his head under Tony’s because he’s the shorter of the two of them, something Tony delights in refuting Peter’s quips about his age with.

“Kind of? He looks like a hobo.”

It’s true, okay? Facially, at least, the guy is a wreck. He’s not quite to Einstein levels of bad hair day, but he’s getting there.

“Be nice,” Peter chastises him. He’s gentler than Rhodey when he does it, but considering neither of them ever shut the hell up and they have thus bonded very easily over the course of their short relationship, it’s gotten to feel as natural as most of their interactions.

“All I’m saying is that I am happy to retain my place as the most attractive person in the apartment, okay?”

They’re forced to retreat from the entryway as another load comes through, and Peter looks at him disbelievingly. “Dream on,” he replies bluntly.

Tony gasps in offense.

Peter shrugs. “Look, I’m just gonna’ say it—you knew Rhodey before me, and now that I’m here—” he trails off, looking at Tony in faux-sympathy that doesn’t match the mischievous glint in his eyes.

While it is true that Rhodey is a fine specimen of a man—yet another reason Tony can’t, in good conscience, be truly angry Carol mooched him away from the bachelor lifestyle—Tony can’t cede that easily for the sake of his pride, and he scowls. “I am going to pretend you didn’t say that.”

They’re still bickering as the movers finish up and Stephen enters the apartment, dressed in what Tony recognizes as the latest from Armani and Tom Ford.

He may not get invited to fashion week anymore, but he still has taste, alright, even if Rhodey limits him to one designer purchase a month.

(Rhodey isn’t around to see what packages he orders now, Tony thinks but shelves the thought for later.)

Tony and Stephen met over coffee, and all three of them said hi to one another before the moving business officially began. However, there is a little stiffness in the air, make no mistake. It’s not Stephen’s fault, exactly, because he’s just kind of a foreboding guy, but still.

It figures that Peter would break the ice. As Tony’s found and will continue to discover, Peter is just as talkative as him. Granted, that trait usually appears in the form of rambling about something from class, but it’s not surprising that his natural passion for life comes through with someone about to be very, very involved in it. 

“Hi!” he begins. “Are all of the movers gone now?”

Stephen raises an unimpressed brow. “Yes.”

His reply is seriously lacking enthusiasm, but Tony isn’t allowed the opportunity to jump on that as Peter keeps going. 

“Sweet! Okay, so welcome to Casa Stark-Parker.”

Woah, woah, woah—timeout.

Tony frowns, raising a hand in a motion for Peter to stop. “I thought that was my thing?” he interjects.

“Well, it has my name in it, so it gets to be both of our things,” Peter replies, then furrows his brow, looking to Stephen. “Actually, since you’re here now, I guess it’s Casa Stark-Parker-Strange. Order’s based on who got here first, sorry,” he explains with a smile that Tony, now familiar with the fact that Peter has more to him than meets the eye, notes is a touch impish.

Tony is pleased to see, despite his generally wholesome appearance, the kid has at least picked up on the power of staking a claim.

Stephen blinks. His hands, Tony has noticed, don’t stop shaking, not even when he folds his arm across his chest, like a physical barrier between him and Peter’s excitement. “Okay?” he drawls slowly, confusedly.

“Tony’s rules, not mine,” Peter assures him as if he doesn’t just want the satisfaction of having his name not be the last in the line-up.

Tony scoffs. “Oh okay, so now we’re throwing me under the bus?”

“You have to take responsibility for your actions, Tony.”

“Oh, sure thing,” he replies, tone betraying that he does not, in fact, think any responsibility is at all necessary. He looks to Stephen, rolling his eyes. “Can you believe what I have to put up with? And it’s barely been a week.”

Stephen blinks again. “I see it’s a lot,” he says measuredly.

Peter gasps, unaffected. “Oh my God, we should make a sign for it,” he enthuses. “We can put it up on the door, and we’d be so much cooler than Sam and them.”

To say that Peter rose to the challenge of bothering their downstairs neighbors with zeal is something of an understatement. 

Tony is, honestly, a fan of the sign idea, especially if it were to light up, but that is where Stephen cuts in, his hands still trembling as he gestures. “Can we slow down for a moment?” He looks carefully from Tony and Peter and back again, bearing the appearance of a man in the throes of realizing he has made a bad decision. 

Tony knows that look well. It usually shows up when Rhodey agrees to one of Tony’s ideas and doesn’t realize just how badly constructed it is until it’s too late.

“First of all, I am fairly certain my car is parked illegally, and before we get too far, I need to fix it before I get towed. And secondly,” Tony watches Stephen’s lips curl in a self-satisfied, I-totally-think-I’m-better-than-you-even-if-I’m-not-technically-saying-it smile, “I am not here to be part of any Casa. I am waiting for physical therapy to work for me, and then I will be out of your hair. I appreciate being able to live here, but—”

Yeah, Tony’s had enough of that. Personally, he would like to thank Rhodey, who, in a way, begins and ends the story, and truly is the greatest best friend a man could have for teaching him how to properly deal with pompous rich people.

“Nuh-uh, none of that. If you’re living here, you’re a part of Casa Stark-Parker-Strange whether you like it or not.”

Stephen looks downright appalled that someone would dare to interrupt him, which, Tony knows from experience, is exactly the kind of shock rich people need to go through. He splutters for a second before he manages to get out a reply, “That was not in the lease.”

Tony spreads his hands as if to say what can you do? “And you didn’t mention in your texts that you were going to try to be a bump on a log, but here we are.”

Perhaps sensing the mounting animosity in the room or maybe just as excited as Tony to have someone to bother, Peter takes advantage of Stephen’s overwhelmed and bewildered state.

“First day with all three of us!” he shouts. “Picture!”

And before anyone can protest—including Tony, who would prefer to be documented in something other than a Black Sabbath tee and his work pants—Peter leans in with the camera on his phone ready to capture the moment.

In the resulting photo, Tony looks vaguely alarmed, Stephen looks pissed as hell, and Peter wears a grin that stretches across his whole face. The whole thing is blurry, and they eventually get it framed.

It’s a beautiful and fitting start to their time as roommates, and in the humble eyes of the asshole who posted the Craigslist ad, that is how the story of how they came to live together went.