#he also says the sweetest things too when I checked my notes it always says that he tried to cheer me up in one way or another

[dalkyeom]

!! chia drop the ult dream logs !!! i need to compare notes bc ive only ever dreamt of vernon booing my “lesbians for woozi” signs at concerts T^T or sth similarly stupid

AMG NAURRR NOT VERNON BOOING 😭😭😭 also this is so funny to me bc my carat bestie’s ult is Vernon and is a lesbian then one time while watching some svt stage compilations, it dawned on my twin and I that… his vibes are just very made for lesbians 😂 like the one who would be the go to bias for them (it’s an inside joke so this is all very light hearted. She introduced us to svt so we always associated vernon with her before)

honestly thinking of making it a weekly corner thing if I haven’t set up my writing blog yet. they’re very fic worthy plots that are also very unfinished 😂 I can share a couple aside from my recent Shua dream that I’m unable to move on from. For some reason he’s always my husband/boyfriend in my dreams

[dream log 1] — in one dream, I had to go apartment hunting and asked help from 95z, Seungkwan, DK, and Wonu. somehow Shua and I got into an arranged engagement even though we were kind of like frenemies.

while apartment hunting we found a baby fairy and we somehow had to take care of it together. Shua had to semi-move in until the fairy child matures and we’d sleep in one bed but would sleep back to back only to wake up facing each other 😭 idk dream-self can’t stand his ass! He’d be so sassy while handling the baby. I think we were on our way to becoming friends though bc eventually I started to consider what he would want for breakfast and he would stand up for me when the receptionist at the lobby would be mean to me.

[dream log 2] — In another dream, idk I think I lucked out with both kyeomshua bc I dreamt that svt are a university cover band and we travelled out of town together for this battle of the bands contest. I think I acted as some sort of manager my yachi hitoka role lol so I had to be there as support and make sure they’re on track!

But as night fell, all thoughts of practice flew out the window and the boys started to gossip about the other groups participating (which was funny bc we were set up in cabins and the ones across us housed their rivals) and I would turn to Chan like “can you fling me in there bc I wanna hear the gossip too” so I ended up listening to their juicy gossip while being cuddled by Shua (boyfriend 1) while Seokmin (boyfriend 2) was flashing puppy eyes bc Mingyu was inbetween the 3 of us 😭

It was chaos tho bc eventually the gossip would go outside while they’re playing foot volleyball and I had to retrieve the ball every time. So Seokmin will be trailing behind me every time I had to pick it up near the rival team’s camp bc he’s worried they might scare me.

[taeyongdoyoung]

strawberries & sunshine

summary: your adorable best friend takes you to a picnic in a secluded spot but his intentions may be far from innocent... pairing: haechan x reader genre: smut, established relationship warnings: cnc/dubcon, corruption kink, innocence kink, pet names (angel, sweetie, my flower, etc.), mention of doctors/made-up sickness, manipulation, bf2l roleplay, inappropriate touching, rubbing, fingering, unprotected sex (pls dont), public sex (there is no one around but still), creampie, safeword is referenced but not used, swearing, degradation (reader is called slut), aftercare author's note: this concept has been haunting me for a while now and i finally gathered enough courage to put it into words 🥴 word count: 1.7k

Your best friend is the sweetest guy in the universe. Haechan is thoughtful, funny and always does kind gestures like bringing you flowers or your favourite chocolates without asking for anything in return. Despite being talkative himself, he always listens to you rant about what’s bothering you, checking to see if you want advice or simply emotional support.

Haechan is also very cute and pretty. Spending time with him truly energizes you and you trust him to have your best interests at heart 100%. Which is why you don’t think twice when he asks you to go on a picnic with him. You love eating and nature, but more importantly, you love being around Haechan, so you find no reason to worry.

When he first mentioned this idea, you assumed you two would go to a park inside the city. But now that the sunny day you chose for your picnic finally arrives, you are stunned that Haechan is driving you two out of the city, entering the mountain nearby.

“Woah, isn’t that a little far away?” you ask in amazement.

“Relax, angel, I’ll take you to the prettiest place,” Haechan responds.

You nod absentmindedly, not even a little bit concerned.

After what seems like forever, Haechan stops the car. He insists on carrying the picnic basket, as well as the blanket, and leads the way into the woods. You walk for around 15 minutes when you are eventually greeted by gorgeous green grass, surrounded by tall trees and birds chirping.

“It’s so lovely, Haechan! How did you find this?”

“I like exploring every once in a while,” he shrugs humbly.

You lay down the blanket, spread out the insides of the picnic basket and sit down, satisfied with the results. There are strawberries, little croissants, ham and cheese sandwiches, French macarons, some homemade kimbap and lemonade. It is so peaceful and quiet here, you really needed an escape from the big city.

You don’t talk much, too busy eating, enjoying the sweet strawberries, the bright sunshine and the lovely atmosphere.

“Oof, I’m so full,” you groan at some point.

“That’s the whole point of picnics, isn’t it?” Haechan chuckles.

“So true!” you laugh.

You two put the remaining food back into the basket and place it on the grass, making space for you to lie down on the blanket.

“To be honest, I’m still kinda hungry,” Haechan murmurs bashfully.

“What? Why didn’t you say so before we put the food away?” you exclaim in surprise.

“Not hungry for anything inside the basket.”

“What do you mean?” you ask innocently.

“I’m not just hungry, I’m also in a lot of pain.”

“Huh? Should we go back to the city for you to see a doctor?” you are instantly concerned for your friend’s well-being.

“Oh, I’ve talked to many doctors already and they all said the same thing. There is only one cure possible for my sickness,” Haechan explains patiently.

“Well, what is it? If there’s anything I can do to help you…” you offer without thinking.

“There is, actually. But do you promise to do anything for me? You’re my best friend, right? You wouldn’t want me to be in pain?”

“Of course not, Haechan! I promise I’ll try to help you but you gotta tell me what kind of pain are you talking about?”

“How about I show you instead?” Haechan’s lips tilt in the slightest of smirk. You are confused by the change of his expression, when he grabs your hand and puts it on his heart. “First, it hurts here.” Then, he moves it so that your hand is now placed on top of his cock. “But it also hurts here.”

“Oh, Haechan,” you sympathize with him. Truly. “This is so strange but I think I might have the same sickness?”

You take hold of his hand and place it on your breasts.

“It hurts me here, as well,” you blink at him softly, then move his hand to your clothed pussy so he touches it through your floral dress. “And here.”

“My angel, I had no idea you were also suffering from this cruel sickness. Do you think maybe…we could be each other’s cure?”

“I don’t know, Haechan…Isn’t it wrong to feel this way?” you express your doubts.

“Oh no, sweetie, it’s completely normal, at least that’s what the doctors said. If we help each other, the pain will disappear.”

“Well, then I guess it’s for the best,” you concede. “The hurt is becoming quite uncomfortable.”

“Same here, my flower. I think we should hurry if we want to cure ourselves of this terrible illness.”

Haechan wastes no more time trying to convince you and climbs on top of you, pressing you down. He spreads your legs apart with one hand, touching and brutally rubbing you through your panties.

“Hyuck, n-no, this isn’t right,” you cry out and try to push him away.

“Shh, my sweet, I’m just trying to cure you first. Don’t you want it?”

“N-no, I’m not sure anymore, please stop,” you whine helplessly but he is too strong to fight off.

“It’ll be over before you know it, just stop struggling, my dear,” Haechan assures you and continues to attack your pussy with his hand. Eventually, he tears your panties apart, sticking his long fingers inside of you.

“P-please, you don’t ha-have to do this,” you try your best to resist but your damn pussy betrays you, squelching noises revealing your juices all for your best friend to see and hear. You would be embarrassed if you aren’t so turned on right now. You come around his fingers so quickly and powerfully that you are unable to think clearly any longer.

“You can help me now, no? I healed you, so now it’s your turn to give me the cure,” Haechan tries to talk you into this.

“I don’t know…” you shake your head. “Maybe there’s another way.”

“There isn’t. Trust me, okay?” Haechan insists. “You promised…”

His reminder, paired with his soft yet cruel smile is more than enough to convince you. But you say nothing as he unbuckles his belt, lowers his boxers and enters you in one swift movement.

“N-no, it h-hurts, Hyuck, p-please,” you whimper around him, as he goes deeper than you could ever imagine, stretching you out to your absolute limits.

“Take it, you slut, going alone into the woods with a guy, acting as if you had no idea what’s gonna happen to you,” Haechan’s words are so unkind, so unlike the sweet guy you’re used to seeing.

“I didn’t know, I swear,” you insist, pushing against his chest with your tiny hands.

“Shut the fuck up,” he laughs meanly, grabbing your wrists and pinning them above your head.

“N-no, this is wrong, H-hyuck,” you sniffle pitifully. “We’re best friends, we shouldn’t do things like that.”

“Well, best friends ought to help each other no matter what. So, take it like the good little slut you are and cure me of this sickness you caused,” Haechan keeps fucking into you, making you feel so full and satiated.

“Am not a slut,” you argue.

“Oh yeah? Then, why didn’t you wear a fucking bra, huh?” Haechan asks, letting go of your wrists and sliding his hand under your dress, grabbing your tits roughly.

“F-for you,” you admit shamelessly. “Wanna be your good girl, Hyuck.”

“Too bad, because I wanna turn my good girl into a slut,” he snickers at you, spilling his seed inside of your pussy. You come around him without thinking and are foolish enough to think he’s done with you. Taking his cock out and using his fingers to fuck the cum threatening to spill out back into your pussy. You are too exhausted to fight back but you do your best anyway.

“W-what are you doing?”

“Making sure the cure is permanent,” Haechan explains calmly as if it is the most obvious thing in the world.

Then, without bothering to ask, he flips you around so that you are on your knees, face down, and slips back inside of you smoothly.

“N-no, that’s enough!” you scream in frustration.

“It’s enough when I say it’s enough,” Haechan grunts loudly.

“Nngh, aren’t we cured already?”

“What are you talking about? The disease is only spreading further,” Haechan laughs maniacally at this point.

“Haechan, please, stop, I can’t…” you cry and plead and whimper, again and again.

“You know what to say if you really want me to stop,” Haechan reminds you. But when you say nothing, he continues using your body, right there in the middle of the woods, too far away from society, where no one could possibly hear you asking for help, where you are left entirely at your best friend’s mercy.

Eventually, he exhausts himself after cumming too many times, inside of you, on your back, on your belly, and all over the poor blanket. Haechan reaches his hand out to get water from the picnic basket, thoughtfully giving it to you. After you are both done drinking, he does his best to clean you up and make sure you are...well, alive. Taking a deep breath, he lies down next to you, enveloping you in a warm and soft hug.

“Was that too much?” he wants to know and brushes a piece of hair behind your ear gently. You melt under his touch, just like always.

There he is. Your sunshine boyfriend is back.

“No, it was perfect. So much better than what we talked about previously,” you reply honestly.

“I wasn’t too mean to my baby, was I?” Haechan needs to make sure.

“Just the right amount of mean,” you laugh. “Did I play the innocent angel part well enough?”

“Too well,” Haechan praises your acting skills. “Maybe because you were my innocent best friend back when we first met.”

“And look where that got me,” you sigh. “Miles away from home, overflowing with cum, no one to save me. Such a tragic fate.”

“Oh, come on, don’t pretend you don’t like it,” Haechan rolls his eyes.

You lean in to kiss him softly.

“Loved every minute,” you admit. Then, you grab his chin firmly. “But next time, I’ll be the one corrupting you.”

The End

[akutasoda]

Hii! I absolutely love your writing!

Could i request dazai (and any other characters if youd like) with an softhearted s/o whos mother is very manipulative and just falls into it like she deep down kinda hates her mother cause her mother has all control of her life whenever shes around her and she has to put on an act of being perfect 24/7 for her mother and she cant even tell her mother that she feels horrible and tired becouse of this cause of the manipulation and she would feel bad for her mother

Im sorry if its confusing or written wrong english isnt my first language!

mother knows best

synopsis - when their s/o has a manipulative mother

includes - dazai, chuuya, nikolai

warnings - gn!reader, reader has a controlling mother, fluff, angst with comfort, hints towards murder, manipulation, wc - 717

a/n: hii! thank you! :) just wanna say if anyone has a similar situation to this please speak up, i know it may seem difficult to do but it helps so much

osamu dazai ★↷

↪he absolutely loved how genuinely kind and sweet you were. he found it hard to believe somebody like you really would date someone like him.

↪he thought it was rather nice that you're mother always reached out to you and checked ok you often. but from around the second time he saw your mother around you he knew something was up.

↪he would catch the very quick tenses and looks of gatred before you put on your best smile and continued being kind. he never said anything because he felt like it wasn't his place to get involved in your family affairs.

↪but he really couldn't help but ask after your mother always seemed to decide what you were doing and when - especially because you became so tired looking.

↪and when he asked you really couldn't help but finally let it all out. all the years of your mother controlling your life, making you feel horrible and how you felt so helpless. all dazai could do was hold you and let you get all your feelings out.

↪he knew a thing about manipulation and so had no issue in stepping in himself and started to remove your mother's control. little by little ridding you of the manipulation from your mother until she could finally leave you alone.

chuuya nakahara ★↷

↪he really felt someone as sweet and kind as you shouldn't end up with someone in his line of work but he'd allow himself as he really loved you.

↪seeing how close you and your mother were made him feel happy for you. he did think it was really sweet and he could only wish for that sort of relationship with family - that was until he started seeing some signs.

↪he started getting an off feeling whenever your mother spoke for you, deciding what you were doing. he started really disliking your mother after seeing how tired you were becoming.

↪he wouldn't hesitate to voice his concerns to you and your mother and hated the fact that she still answered for you. so instead he asked you directly and wanted an answer, he wouldn't want you to be hurt by your own mother.

↪and when you finally let all your feelings go he only offered you his undivided attention and support. he absolutely hated how someone that was your family could do this too you and so would happily intervene.

↪if you allowed him, he would be brutally honest. sparing no sympathy in his words and telling your mother outright to leave you alone and to let you be your own person and wouldn't let up until she got the message.

↪if you didn't allow him, he'd begrudgingly step back. but he'd still oppose your mother very happily and would always make sure that she let up her control of your life slowly and subtly.

nikolai gogol ★↷

↪he thought you were the absolute sweetest. your genuine kindness would be something bew to him and he quickly learnt to happily indulge himself in it. he practically clings to you for affection

↪he also liked how close you were to your mother. he admired that connection to your family and always thought it was sweet. but he very quickly started thinking the opposite.

↪he would note how she always spoke for you and decided what you did. how you always seemed more fake when she was around, which was often, and how sometimes you'd even become tense.

↪he would have no issue in asking about the whole situation but he gathered it was probably sensitive so he would wait to ask you in private. he would listen diligently to your worries and how tired you were.

↪hearing about how your mother controlled you made him quite upset. it really went against his whole desire for freedom and so he'd be willingy to do absolutely anything to help you regain that freedom.

↪if you were fine with it, he'd happily be brutal with it. now i wouldn't go into details but he hasn't exactly got a moral compass and would happily dispose of your mother.

↪but if you disagreed with his methods he'd become more subtle. removing your mother's influence bit by bit until you could completely remove her influence over your entire life.

[orion4ever]

How would the OL:BA boys be with an MC who struggles with obsessive compulsive disorder?

Author’s Note: I have OCD , It causes me lots of turmoil because it causes me to pull at my eyebrows and eyelashes compulsively and causes me to have unwanted thoughts so this request resonates with me a lot! I hope you enjoy this and even find comfort in this request!

Pairing(s): Cove Holden x MC , Derek Suarez x MC and Baxter Ward x MC

🌊☕️⚽️

Cove Holden🌊

He tries his best to support you and doesn’t bat an eye to any ‘unconventional’ request you may ask him.

You would prefer if he washed his hands as soon as he entered your house? Understandable, his hands are probably covered in sand anyway

He doesn’t get annoyed when you repeat a conversation and he never minds reassuring you about anything.

He can understand the feeling of being overwhelmed and needing to do a ritual to relax a little.

If he sees you doing something compulsively like pulling hair out, cleaning the same spot, rearranging things, or anything like that he would take your hands and try to ground you.

He comforts you whenever you have intrusive thoughts. He knows you would never enact them but he understands that you are scared that you will and reassures you that you won’t.

If anyone even DARES and imply that you are a weirdo or a bad person for any compulsive thoughts or behavior that you open up about, he will not let it go.

The man will have a huge grudge and will rightfully defend you.

Cove gets so annoyed when people throw around the term OCD to describe none OCD behavior and will debunk what they are saying.

And a fun fact , people with autism have a high chance of also having OCD so there is a possibility that he also has it!

Cove is the sweetest man. He never lets you feel uncomfortable or evil about your OCD. There is a reason why it's called Obsessive Compulsive behavior and he will scream that from the rooftops.

Derek Suarez⚽️

An equally supportive man, as soon as you open up about having OCD, he pulls an all-nighter to research more into it to make sure he can properly understand you.

He asks you to list what triggers your OCD or anything he can do to make you feel more comfortable.

Like, if you ever have doubts or concerns about things you are uncertain about (like plans for the next day or school work you forgot the due dates to) then Derek would try his best to help ease your doubts.

Derek is already a pretty organized and clean guy so you don’t have to worry too much too much about him making messes or being disorganized.

He doesn’t mind you needing to close and open a door a few times to feel secure or you checking to see if you left any potentially dangerous things on(stove, open flames, etc)

It pains him every time you feel the need to distance yourself from him because your thoughts won’t leave you alone about hurting him. He just wants to give you a big bear hug and reassure you that you would never do that to him.

He has no hard feelings if you ask him to change out of his outside clothes, considering he’s probably been out playing sports and getting all dirty. He wouldn’t like it if someone sat on his bed covered in dirt and sand neither.

He reprimands anyone who has anything judgmental to say about your ocd and swiftly educates them about how wrong they are.

If he spots you doing a harmful compulsive behavior, like scratching or pulling hair then he tries and grounds you as well but mostly vocally since he doesn’t want to overwhelm or frustrate you.

He hates how taboo the topic of OCD is and opens up dialogues and conversations with his colleagues about it and hopes it can spread awareness of it. He hates how it has been watered down to “I need a clean room”.

Derek will always love you and everything he does is to make sure you are happy!

Baxter Ward ☕️

I am saying this as a Baxter fan but I feel like he would be ignorant about OCD at first. His parents probably raised him with the idea that “depression is just an excuse for lazy people” or at the very least didn’t think mental health wasn’t important. He probably thought the social media idea of OCD was basically what it was until he met you.

He now knows that ocd isn’t just being a germaphobe or needing all your pencils to be pointing the same way.

He asks you to educate him on it, what are your struggles day to day? What's the best way he can support you? Etc.

As soon as you educate him on what he can do better to support you, he instantly gets on it.

He encourages you to open up about what you're thinking about and reassures you constantly that you don’t scare him away with thoughts you can’t control.

He knows in his heart that you would never do anything to harm him or anyone else.

He is concerned about you hurting yourself though. He tries his best and makes sure you don’t do anything that would cause you harm.

Baxter never minds if you need to repeat an action because the first time didn’t feel right. He doesn’t truly understand the urge but he would never put you down for it.

When he does become more well-educated on OCD, he gets very snippy and annoyed when other people are ignorant or rude about it. He has first-hand experience on not being super educated and he knows it isn’t hard to read a few articles about it or the very least contain their mean words to their cruel mind.

He will always be there to support you , if your OCD ever gets worse , like maybe you went through something traumatic or your in an extremely stressful state of mind.

Baxter would kneel on the ground and lay his head in your lap. He wraps his arms around you and tells you that you're more than this and that he believes there is always light at the end of the tunnel.

[hazybisou]

❛ DO THE WRONG THING ❜

💋👥 remove my ring, and do the wrong thing with you babe

summary - y/n finds herself in a secret affair with her next-door neighbor mat, knowing her husband is the sweetest guy she’s ever met.

pairing - f!married!reader x mat barzal

warnings - cheating, alludes to sex, a little bit into a sex scene (just the beginning)

side note - this was based off of a song called do the wrong thing by trish toledo! i don’t support cheating but in this case i must 👍👍 also the reader’s husband is a sweatheart so i feel bad for doing this to him and but he doesn’t really show up in this and ya know. yuhhh. also college is better then i thought and my roommate is really nice and chill like she’s amazing and a girl’s girl. (this shit went way too far during the first small sex part and i immediately regretted it and i hate it so much that i will never be writing like that again)

✫ ✫ ✫ ✫ ✫ ✫ ✫ ✫ ✫ ✫ ✫ ✫

the moment she saw him, she knew she was fucked. he was fine as hell so of course it was hard to resist him. maybe that’s why she would find herself in his bed every once in a while, his arm wrapped around her waist, the covers of the bed over them, only covering them up to their waists. she’s married for christ’s sake. yet she was here with a man who hasn’t her husband.

y/n had met her husband, nathan, during her freshman year of college. they were great friends at first and then they kissed one night at a party. y/n was tipsy while nathan was sober. he knew they shouldn’t have kissed, especially considering the fact that she was drunk but that they were friends. best friends. but she put her lips on his.

they began dating a year later, the kiss never spoken of until a couple months after it had occurred. nathan confessed to her that he had feelings for her and she told him she did as well. it was true. she loved him. she loved him so much that they went ahead and got married at the age of 22 and 23.

y/n hated herself for what she was doing. she knew it was wrong of her to go and cheat on nathan like he was nothing. but mat made it difficult to resist.

he charmed her when he first met her one morning, on his way out to practice. she was just arriving from her morning workout and he was leaving for his. he went over and introduced himself.

“i’m mat.” he stuck out a hand and she shook it.

“y/n.”

mat stared at her for a quick second and noticed the way her chest went up and down. his eyes couldn’t help but travel down to her boobs and the rest of her body. he looked at her in eye and smiled.

“you’re a very beautiful women, you know that?” mat told her and she froze.

she didn’t know what to say. “i’m sorry?”

mat chuckled. “you’re cute. listen i got to go but if you ever need something just knock on my door, alright? i’m just next door.” he walked away after that and y/n just stood there for a second before she shook her head and made her way inside where nathan was still asleep and awaiting her presence.

y/n had stayed away from mat for a while after that. she couldn’t see him after their interaction that had happened to go like that. she was married. she had a loving husband, a great job, and a great life. she wasn’t going to let some guy waltz into her life and ruin that.

she couldn’t let him get in the middle of y/n and nathan’s marriage. nathan was sweet and cared for her whenever he had the chance. although he had work trips, he always checked in on her. he loved her even if they were miles aways and she loved him back.

maybe that’s why y/n regretted the decision she made a couple weeks later. nathan was on a work trip and she was stressed. she had a ton of paperwork to be filled out by the next day and she couldn’t do it. so she marched on over to mat’s apartment and knocked.

biggest mistake of her life.

mat opened the door and saw her standing there. he smirked a little and leaned against the door a bit. “what brings you by?”

y/n didn’t answer. not verbally at least. instead she just leaned forward and grabbed mat by the back of his neck and brought him down towards her, putting her lips on his. mat was shocked for a second before he wrapped his hands around her back and brought her closer, their body’s practically glued together.

the kiss turned messy. y/n had opened her mouth to talk and it gave mat a chance to slip his tongue in. the two had fought for dominance over the kiss but mat had won.

he pulled them inside his apartment shutting the door behind them. they pulled away for a second to catch their breath, their lips kiss bitten and swollen, cheeks flustered. “y/n that was-”

“shut up.”

she grabbed his head and brought him back in for more. nathan was the least of her worries as she said her next words. “i need you to fuck me.”

mat pulled away after that. “what? y/n are you okay? is everything okay?” he pulled his hands away from her back and let them rest on her waist. “you’re married! you have a husband who loves you. we shouldn’t even be doing this!” he objected.

y/n shook her head. “he doesn’t need to know.” she leaned forward and began to pepper kisses in his neck along with suckling at it, making mat moan slightly. “a secret.” a kiss to his jawline. “let it.” a kiss to his neck. “be.” another kiss. “our.” kiss. “litte.” kiss to his apples bottom. “secret.” she whispered the last word against his lips as she placed a kiss to them.

he didn’t kiss back for a while as he thought about this situation. she was married and was over here kissing another man, in his apartment. but fuck, did she look hot. he began to move his lips at a faster pace then her making it hard for her to keep up. he began to walk backwards, the kiss never breaking apart.

he walked towards the couch and felt his knees hit the cushion, making him fall on it, y/n following suite. she pulled away and straddled his lap, a leg on either side of his own. the two returned back to their makeout session and y/n felt mat’s cold hands run over her stomach, under her tank top.

y/n pulled away and began to kiss all over his neck. he leaned his head to the side, allowing y/n to gain more access to his neck. she rested her hand on the other side of his neck as she began to suck on it slightly making mat let out a low groan as he ran his hands over her back all the way up and down. “fuck y/n.”

she felt her underwear get damp at the action. “you like that?” she breathed against his neck as she continued to suck and lap at his neck. he couldn’t help but nod as he brought his hands towards her boobs, feeling that she wasn’t wearing a bra. he couldn’t help but groan at the feeling, giving them a little squeeze. y/n moaned against his neck.

“take it off please.” she begged and pulled away from his neck. mat reached down and grabbed the hem of her shirt, pulling it upward as she lifted her arms, making it easier for mat to pull it all the way off. he threw it to the side. he looked at her chest and noticed her nipples had hardened from the slight breeze.

“shit, you’re beautiful.” he leaned forward and wrapped his lips around her boob, beginning to suck at them, licking the areola. y/n gasped and pulled at mat’s hair. he groaned against them and y/n couldn’t help but moan at the sensation and pleasure he was giving her.

after a couple of minutes of sucking and licking at her left boob, her moved onto the other, his hand coming up to squeeze and massage the one he had previously been sucking. y/n’s breathing was fast and her heart was beating quick. she was a moaning mess and tried to keep it down, careful to not wake up the other residents considering it was pretty late.

“take your shirt off.” y/n said and mat just looked up at her through his eyelashes as he sucked on her boob and y/n groaned at the sight. “please.”

mat pulled away with a slight ‘pop’ and began to massage both of her boobs. “you are perfect, i really hope you know that because if you don’t then i will keep saying it.” y/n laughed and just leaned down to kiss him as her hands ran down to the bottom of his shirt. she pulled away and stripped him free of it, throwing it behind the couch. he grabbed her face and began to kiss her, harshly.

mat moved her so she was laying down on the couch with him on top of her. his hands roamed all over he body, her boobs, stomach, legs, thighs, anywhere he could get his hands on.

he began to kiss down her body starting at her neck, spending a little time there in order to form dark purple bruises but soon remembered that her husband would see them and he didn’t want her to get caught so he just continued kissing down her body. from her neck to her boobs to her stomach and finally to her thighs.

the pajama shorts she was wearing were small, her ass hanging out a bit. mat began to pepper kisses all over before grabbing her shorts and pulling them down, along with her underwear, throwing them on the floor. she was bare before him. she had exposes herself completely to him and fuck, was she enjoying it.

mat began to kiss everywhere but where she wanted him. he moved upward and pressed a kiss to her lips. “if we do this, there’s no going back.”

y/n nodded. “i know. i know what i’m doing.”

mat’s eyes flickered between hers before leaning down and kissing her one last time before kissing his way down towards where she needed him the most.

y/n knew what she was doing was wrong. yet she couldn’t help it. y/n and mat had sex. even if she was married.

✫ ✫ ✫ ✫ ✫ ✫ ✫ ✫ ✫ ✫ ✫ ✫

the sun was up and the light came through the curtains that billowed softly thanks to the wind that came through the small space mat had left opened. mat laid in bed, his arm over y/n’s back, who was sleeping on her stomach. the two had moved to the bed some time last night.

y/n began to stir awake as she kept moving. she slowly opened her eyes and was met with the window and the sun rays that caused her to squint and close her eyes. she turned around and saw mat there, still asleep. she smiled softly as she saw his chest go up and down with eahc breath he took. he let out soft snores as he-

nathan.

y/n suddenly thought back to her love. her husband, the person she promised she would love for eternity and would never let go. yet she let him go in a way. he was to come back from his work trip the same day in a couple of hours and she sure as hell didn’t want him to find her here, in mat’s bed, naked.

she tried to unwrap mat’s arm fron around her yet his grip got stronger. he pulled her closer to him and just rested his head on top of hers, snoring softly.

“mat i need to go home.” she whispered to the man who snuggled closer. “mat i’m serious.” after getting no response she grabbed his arm and moved it with all the force she could muster.

mat whined, “noo. i was comfortable.” he opened his eyes and gave her a death stare. “come back.”

y/n shook her head and went into the living room where her clothes were before she put them back on and re-entered mat’s room. “i need to go home and you have a job to get to.”

“i don’t have to leave until later though and neither do you.” mat told the girl who stood with her arms crossed.

she walked towards the bed and began to crawl on top of him until they were face to face. “but i have a husband that is too be back very soon and will be waiting for me.” she whispered as she leaned down to place a slow kiss to his lips. “so why don’t you stay here and relax until you have to leave and i go home and wait for my husband to get home,” she pressed another kiss to his lips, “i’ll be back soon.”

mat stared at her for a while. “but soon won’t be soon enough. for all i know it will take you two weeks to come back to me,” he brought her closer. “i can’t wait that long.”

y/n laughed. “i promise you i’ll be back sooner then you think. patience, sweet boy.” she kissed him one last time and was about to pull away when mat pulled her in closer and deepened the kiss.

he sat upright and began to attack her neck with kisses and y/n let out a laugh but more of a moan. “m-mat i really have to go.”

“5 minutes. just stay another 5 minutes and then you can go.” he said as he began to reach under her shirt and squeeze her hips.

y/n pondered the idea, “5 minutes and that’s it mathew.” she let a breathy moan.

she felt mat smile against her neck, “i knew you wouldn’t be able to resist me.”

oh, y/n knew she was fucked.

✫ ✫ ✫ ✫ ✫ ✫ ✫ ✫ ✫ ✫ ✫ ✫

half the time i don’t even know what i’m writing, i js do it. also i will never be writing that detailed(ish) ever again. it is not for me. also mat barzal playing the electric guitar js does smth to me😫 the man he is i swear. (i should go to sleep since i have a morning class tmrw but i won’t so yayyy)

[safetycar-restart]

KINKTOBER DAY 26: RESTRAINTS [ESTEBAN OCON X READER]

NOTE: This is an NSFW fic with sub!Esteban and dom!reader. If you are under 18 or uninterested, scroll past. Alternatively, if you like what you see here then consider checking out my blog :))

This work forms part of a kinktober series where I discuss a different kinky concept with a different motorsports athlete every day. We also discuss the concepts in more detail on my blog so if you have any thoughts, feel free to stop by!

It should come as a surprise to absolutely no one that Esteban is the sweetest little sub in the world. Truly the best boy! He LOVES being good for you, always looking for ways to serve you and make you happy.

And he's so giggly in scenes? Cause he just... he's so happy! He's being your good boy! Of course he's gonna be all giggly and smiley.

There is, however, one issue.

He's wriggly.

He tries SO hard to stay still, but he can't! He feels so good and he can't help the way he wriggles and moves around when you touch him, but it can get in the way of scenes. Like when you're trying to overestimate him but he cant stop his legs from shaking and moving.

The solution to this is restraints.

At first he's uncertain about it, and he actually thinks he's not good enough? He knows he's not supposed to be moving around as much as he is, and he can't help but think that you're disappointed in him and that the restraints are some sort of punishment.

But that couldnt be further from the truth.

You can see how hard he's trying to keep still, and you arent upset with him that he can't. You know it's not something he can control, and you can see that it's actually something that's distracting him. You want him to focus on what you're doing to him, on how he feels, on being present in the moment with you but he can't do that when all he's thinking about is trying to stay still.

Which is why you want to try restraints, because esteban won't have to think about staying still anymore. He'll have the restraints keeping him exactly where you want him and he can just focus on being a good boy for you.

When you say that, he's suddenly very interested. He can't deny that the thought of not having to worry about anything besides being good for you is very nice.

The first thing that you try is a spreader bar, keeping his ankles apart and then tying his ankles to each side of the bed too, so that he can't move his legs.

You take a moment to make sure he's comfortable, and he actually loves it? It's so easy to clear his head and relax back against the bed when he has absolutely nothing to worry about.

And it's so much easier for you to play with him like that, now that he can't get away from you at all.

Needless to say, restraints become a common element in scenes.

[hangmanssunnies]

Good Comes In 3

House We Share: Double Tap, Sfumato, Good Comes In 3

Summary:  You and Jake navigate what it means to spend six months apart. Then, when he does come home, you two have to evaluate precisely what feelings you have for each other and also what a future together could mean. You just aren't sure he will ever forgive you for starting a puzzle without him. 

Pairings: Jake "Hangman" Seresin x Fem! Civilian! Reader, minor Javy "Coyote" Machado x OC

Word count: 34K

AO3 Link

Warnings: Angst with a happy ending, Abuse (Implied), Slow burn, routines and compulsions, Jigsaw puzzles, Rejection, Drinking, Arguments, Yearning, Deployment, communication, Fertility problems, miscarriage (discussed), menstruation (discussed and lightly described), close female friendships, Depressive episodes, PTSD, roommates to lovers, love confessions, hyper-specific!Jake, Neurodivergent coded! Jake. Please let me know if I missed any for this part; I know it is a long one.

An: Unfortunately, this last part was too long to post altogether here on Tumblr. So I have included the first half here, the rest can be read on AO3 though. My first reblog of this here on Tumblr has the other half as well. I apologize for the inconvenience.

Thank you for taking this journey with me. Thank you all for loving this version of Jake. There were so many things I wanted to include and finish off for these two. While I couldn't include everything, I hope you enjoy what I did.

Thank you so much if you take a chance to read this work. I hope you enjoy it. My inbox is always open if you want to let me know your thoughts. Reblogs with your thoughts, opinions, and tags are gold to me. I love reading through them.

"Jake looked tired. Has he told you how he's been sleeping?" Marlee asks you curiously while chatting with you on the phone. The question causes your stomach to roll in a deep dive, and it takes you a moment to find the composure to respond. 

"No, I haven't heard," you manage to tell her. Setting down the piece of fruit you had been about to eat, you lean back against the kitchen counter. 

"Ah, well, will you ask him about it whenever you next talk? He wouldn't answer Javy or me about it when we asked."

"You and Javy are joined at the hip, practically the same person sometimes. Do you find that shocking?" You ask Marlee teasingly. Marlee chuckles at your comment. Her smile betrays her true feelings, though she likes how in sync she and Javy are generally considered. 

"We are sometimes." Marlee concedes but then says frankly, "But even when Javy had his individual call with Jake, he wouldn't say. And you are the only other person I can imagine him opening up to," 

"I'll mention it next time I talk to him," you manage to say. It would just be one of the many things that you were supposed to be talking to Jake about on his deployment. It was easier to go along with their assumption than to flay your chest open and let the hurt you felt pour out. 

Sometimes it's better, easier, to keep the kind of pain you felt to yourself. Bundled close and protected. To expose it would just make it hurt all the more. The idea of anyone, especially your closest friends, knowing you weren't important enough, or you had scared Jake away, or made some other mishap was mortifying. How could you go about explaining what had transpired? You weren't sure you could explain it. Also, Javy and Marlee had plenty of other things and people to worry about without having to add you higher on their list than you were already placed. You felt bad each week when one of them called you to check in begging, sometimes demanding that you hang out with them. 

"Okay, I'll talk to you later then, babes. I love you!"

"I love you too, Marlee," you say, giving her the sweetest, kindest tone you can muster up. You end the call and walk over to the chalkboard in the kitchen. 

Jake normally would draw seasonal decorations on it, but you had cleared it to be blank for notes months ago. The only thing on the board is a list you had titled: things to talk to Jake about. You add 'sleeping habits' to the bottom and frown. Reading through the list makes tears prick at the back of your eyes, and a lump forms in your throat. You hold the eraser poised for a moment, ready to trash the entire list, but you don't manage to follow through and drop the eraser, letting it fall to the ground. 

You walk through the house, checking the locks and turning off the lights. The sadness and frustration you feel in you is still bubbling as you pass where Jake had unceremoniously left the large Juniper chest. You glare at it just like you do every night. 

The morning Jake left, he'd woken you up with his thumb tracing your pulse point. His soft mostly lidded eyes trained on you, neither of you said anything just laying there quietly memorizing the moment. Neither of you could bear to get up until after the third alarm rang. The sun still hadn't crested the horizon when Jake went to shower. While he was occupied you stole one of his large Navy shirts that had been washed so many times it was soft. You are reluctant to leave his room, but make your way to the kitchen starting some breakfast and Jake's morning tea. You were just adding the dollop of honey he likes when he came downstairs, fully dressed and ready to leave you. 

Jake thanked you sweetly, with a kiss pressed to your cheek. In the same breath he tried to steal the whisk out of your hand. You danced out of way holding the whisk out like a sword to ward him off. He had quickly grabbed the masher from the utensil jar and brandished it in response. Amusement filling his features. After a small chase around the kitchen which included a small clash of utensils, Jake got his way. You loved the way Jake's eyes crinkled and how charming his dimples and smile lines were. It was a look you almost always got anytime you let him do things for you. Jake had still let you help though, asking you to toast the sourdough bread, while he whipped the avocado, goat cheese, and honey together. Once it was the constituency he liked, Jake spread it on the toast sprinkling some sea salt on top. He made one for you as well, but you had already started cooking three eggs for him, and didn't really have an appetite. After Jake ate, you spent every minute waiting for Coyote to arrive for pick up wrapped tightly in Jake's arms.  

"There is one last thing I need before I go," Jake had said. 

"I can't give it to you this time," you said muffled, trying hard not to cry on his whites. 

"Just one smile." Jake pleaded with his large warm hand lifting your chin so he could stare at you intently again. 

"No, Jake." He frowned at your answer, eyebrows pulling tight together. 

"I suppose I've reached my limit on things I can take from you." Jake puffed out with a quiet sigh. The tip of Jake's nose had dragged softly across your forehead before pressing a soft kiss to the center. He lingered there, breathing you in.

"Thank you for everything, my sweet," Jake whispered quietly. 

Your breath hitched in your throat, and you tried to pull him as close and tight to you as possible again. Jake allowed you to hug him, but he didn't relax into the embrace like he normally would have. He was almost stiff in your hold, but one of his hands traced slowly over your back in a soothing motion. When Coyote's headlights had inevitably shown through the frosted window on the door, Jake carefully detangled himself from your arms. He lingered though practically trembling. 

"I can't do it," Jake whispered, leaving his forehead pressed to yours. 

"It's not optional, and there isn't anything Hangman can't do. Let alone something you've done before," you reassured him. It didn't seem to work as he tensed up more.

"Promise me you'll be okay," Jake had begged you. You had nodded yes in response, saying the word would have tasted too close to a lie. Jake's nose nudged yours and he asked again. The second time was much closer to a desperate demand, "promise me." 

"If you be safe," you had compromised, wanting to savor every second ticking by that you would never get back. This last time you would be in the same space sharing the same air, for an undetermined amount of time. With a resolve you knew you didn't possess, Jake mouthed the words goodbye he was so close that his lips brushed yours as he did so. With a shaky inhale, Jake stepped away from you. His first two steps hadn't hurt so much, but the third as he exited the front door took all the air with him, including the bit trapped in your lungs. It was a sense of instant emptiness you had never experienced before. Everything you wanted to do seemed impossible when you couldn't even breathe. So there was no running after him for one more stolen moment, no collapsing against the floor, sobbing until your throat was raw, no more reassuring green eyes you could look to for comfort. 

The hollow feeling that nestled into you was hard to find your balance with. You had thrown the lock on the door and stumbled through the house, ready to retreat back into Jake's bed. Well aware his scent would be gone sooner rather than later, you were determined to imprint as much of it to memory as possible. You are blindsided by pain shooting up your foot as you unexpectedly stubbed your toe. Cursing and looking down you realized there was now a new piece of furniture. Jake had left a hand made juniper chest Jake left sitting in the area between the living room and dining room. On top was a small note card with a watercolor of two very detailed puzzle pieces. 

You stare so hard at the water colored pieces trying to parse their meaning the focus of your visions started to blur. The rapid blink forced tears to lubricate the area. However, when there is one tear there are others quick to follow. Just as a tear had splashed against the edge of the card you recognized the duplicates of the last two pieces you and Jake had double tapped into your last puzzle. On the back of the card stock was the drawn design of the chest, with all of Jake's neat measurements noted. You traced over his neat handwriting, and you were quick to quell your disappointment not finding more. That confusion and disappointment was impossible to ignore when you had gone to see what was inside and it was locked, the latch refusing to open. 

Now, after 6 and ½ months of radio silence, the chest taunted you. His entire deployment, there hadn't been a single word to you. Your only source of information was occasionally hearing from Coyote and Marlee about how Hangman was doing. And there was the memory of him, a large empty house, and a locked chest that was too heavy for you to move. 

You kick the side of the chest as you walk past it. It has become a tradition for you – this small abuse of the furniture while pacing before bed was a small soothing habit that helped you work some of your worries out. Once the feeling of missing Jake had settled into a dull, steady pain there was room for anger. You were furious and the only thing you had to take it out on was this beautiful work of craftsmanship. Unshockingly, the chest had been well made – because why would Jake make something that was easy to take your anger out on. He couldn't even give you that small concession. Even though you aren't as angry anymore, kicking the chest has become a part of your nightly routine. 

The chest didn't just bother you because it was locked or a surprise gift you hadn't asked for. It also bothered you because of what it was made from. The juniper wood Jake used didn't match the boards he used for the puzzle table, which was a more common light juniper. The boards for the chest were such a deep red it looked purple. Jake made it from one of the logs that you had helped him strip. Seeing the chest felt like a reopening weeping sore; one bleeding from a formally treasured memory that was nestled close to your heart. 

…

Saturday mornings were always a wild card with Jake.It was the one day of the week you could never be 100% sure what his plans were. There were staples you could expect like his morning run, but after that who knew? Sometimes he would have plans to see his friends, other times he had a project, list of chores, plans with his "little brother", manuals to read or some other all day activity. He liked it to be all day. So Sometimes you liked to just lounge in the living room waiting to see what he was going to do before making any plans of your own. 

 "Hey, I'm going on a drive and run some errands. Anything you want me to pick up?" Jake says to you when he comes down the stairs one Saturday morning. 

"Oh, can I come with?"  

"Sure, if you want. It's going to be boring though," Jake warns you. 

"No, it won't," You protest, standing up and stretching. "I'd rather be with you. As long as you don't mind me tagging along?"

"Yeah, of course, sugar. I never mind when you tag along." Jake says with a wide smile. 

"Well, what's the errand so I know how to dress?"

"I'm going to meet an old friend." 

"Oh my god. Please be less ominous Jake"

"What would you like to hear, sugar?"

"Who exactly are we meeting?"

"We are meeting up with my friend, Jess." 

"And?"  

"And, and, and," Jake says, twirling his hand around the air before dramatically pointing to his watch. "We are already 4 minutes behind our schedule. I'll tell you right now that this is cutting into our farmers market time." "Farmer's Market is on the list?" 

"Of course it is sugar. And so is Target," Jake says in his ‘duh-voice’ that you actually hate, but also you love because it reminds you how easy this is supposed to be. How it's not supposed to be a second thought. The things you like are included and planned for without you having to ask.

You are scrambling up the stairs to get ready when Jake calls after you. "You don't actually have to rush!! I'll make up time on the road."

"You know I don't support your excessive speeding Jake!" you call back, grabbing what you thought you would need. 

"Bring socks for your heavy boots!" When you make it back downstairs Jake is tapping his pen aggressively against a notepad. 

"What am I going to need boots for?" You ask him suspiciously while going through your items. 

"Do you want car snacks? I packed some, and we can always stop to pick something else up." Jake asks you glancing up from his paper. 

"We don't have to have snacks; I know you don't like eating in the truck." 

Jake just shrugs and opens the door to the garage for you. "It's not a big deal, I'll add the car wash to my list for tomorrow." 

"I also got your truck slippers so you don't have to wear your boots for the drive," Jake tells you. It's so sweet you want to grab him in a tight hug. You squeeze your hands tight instead, waiting for the urge to pass. Jake helps you up into the passenger side of the truck. Just as he said, the soft fuzzy blanket you like, and the slippers Jake got you are laid out waiting. Jake helps you out of your boots and into the slippers, setting them in the back seat for later. Once you are fully settled and buckled, Jake closes your door. He checks that the garage door is locked before jumping in the truck himself. 

"Was I quick enough for you not to aggressively speed?" you ask when Jake gets into the driver's side and checks his mirrors. 

"I would hardly call it speeding," Jake complains. 

"It's a number above the speed limit sign. Therefore, it's speeding." You say, explaining it.  

"I literally fly ten times as fast as car speeds. Well, more like 9.9 but still when you round up. It's ten." Jake responds, 

"That is no excuse to be going 120 miles an hour, Jake." You say while rolling your eyes. 

"I'm just saying. I am perfectly capable of controlling a fast vehicle," he argues. 

"That's fine, and I am not invalidating that. However, you know just as well as I do, that everyone else doesn't have that same ability."

"You are so sassy!" Jake teases, clearly deciding to let the faux argument go. 

"I'm the sassy one? Sure," you say sarcastically, drawing out the word. However, you also decide to let it go. Instead you enjoy the start to your drive, getting music going and adjusting the temperature controls until they are just right. 

"So," you say after a bit, drawing out the word. "What are we driving to do?"

"It's nothing," Jake responds with a shrug. 

"Really? Nothing is the justification to wear the work boots you got me?"

"You can't live with a bit of mystery, can you?" Jake asks, but there is affection laid into his words. 

"No," You concede with a joking sigh, "which is what makes you so infuriating sometimes."  

"I do strive to live as a man of mystery," Jake says amused.  

"Oh really, is that what your next move is? Retire, so you can become an American James Bond?" You tease him. 

"I'll admit it. You got me figured out. What gave it away?" Jake asks jokingly but not as quiet as bright as before. You shoot him a look, but his smile is still firmly in place. 

"Honestly?" You ask him hesitantly. 

"Yes Ma'am. They do say honesty is the best policy."  

"It's the fact that you refuse to grow facial hair. I'm convinced that it's because you want to save that for a disguise." You say, almost giggling trying to picture Jake with a beard or mustache. You expect Jake to laugh too, but he doesn't. After a slightly too long pause, he forces out a strangled laugh, and you realize that you've misstepped somehow. 

"Talk about it or leave it?" You offer trying to sound natural and keeping the pushiness you felt gnawing on you out of your voice. Jake takes a deep measured breath, exhaling out slowly through his nose. He drums a staccato on the steering wheel before responding. 

"Can we leave it please?" Jake eventually requests. 

"Facial hair or James Bond?" You ask, wanting to clarify. 

"Both, please." 

"Can do." 

"Thank you," Jake breathes quietly. Then he offers his right hand to you across the center console. You only wait a moment before slipping your fingers to slot in with his. He squeezes your hand affectionately and you both seem to take a deep breath to try and ease some of the uncomfortable tension. Jake's thumb tracing softly against your skin.  

"I'll tell you if you really want to know," Jake says a few miles later while his eyes stay trained on the road. You think about whether you really want to press him for details. As much as you want to know, you don't want to ever force Jake into sharing something with you if he isn't completely comfortable with it. 

"Nope, it's fine. Keep your mysteries, Hangman, I'll find out eventually." You finally respond, pulling Jake's hand up to press a kiss to the back of it, making sure he understood your innocent intentions. He chuckles good naturedly and his hand flexes at the movement, tightening its grasp on yours when you set them on the middle console again.  

"That's good. I appreciate you." 

"I appreciate you more," you tell him sweetly, though you mean it very genuinely. Jake pulls his eyes from the road to flash a heavy frown of disapproval your way. 

"I don't think that's possible," Jake says with passion.

You just shrug, letting the conversation drift to the next topic, just enjoying the drive with Jake. It is a while before Jake pulls off onto a private road that leads up to a massive barn, and you still don't really have any clue where you are or why. Jake throws the gear into park, the truck in park and shoots you an almost gleeful smile. 

"Jake, where are we?" You ask him again. 

"Just my friend's place," he answers.Then,while reaching over and patting your cheek affectionately, says, "You, my sweet, can stay here." 

"Do I have to stay?" You ask him nervously, checking the mirrors on either side of you. You know once Jake leaves the truck and into the barn you won't be able to see him anymore. The idea of being alone here, somewhere you don't know, even in the truck makes you uncomfortable. 

"I just didn't want you to have to walk through all the mud," Jake says. 

"It's okay," you tell him reassuringly. "That's why you had me bring my boots, right?"

"Yes, but you just look snug as a bug. I didn't want to make you move," Jake replies. 

"I don't mind, it will be nice to get out of the car. And I want to meet your friend." 

A moment later Jake is opening your side of the truck and helping you into your boots, tying up the laces for you and ignoring your protests that you are perfectly capable of doing that yourself. Jake helps you out of the truck and holds your hand, helping you walk over the uneven ground carefully. You can smell it before you see it. The fresh woodsy scent permeates the air so heavily that you can nearly taste it. 

Subverting your expectations, Jake does not lead you to the large frame equipment sliding doors of the barn. Instead, he leads you around the nearest side where there is a small typical sized door. Opening the door, Jake reveals a huge workshop. Half of the large barn space is filled with massive logs, planks, boards, and other cuts of wood. The other half is full of various projects, a giant tool bench, and shelving making up an impressive workspace. 

"Oh wow," you breathe taking it all in. You look at Jake and he is positively gleeful, maybe even more excited than a kid in a candy shop. His grin is wide, looking around and leading you a bit further into the workspace. A soft Jingle plays in the air, penetrating the otherwise quiet atmosphere when Jake closes the door behind you. 

"Seresin, that better be you!" A voice calls out from the back of the barn.

"And it if ain't?" Jake calls back playfully. 

"Then you should know, I've got a gun I ain't afraid to use, and you're trespassing." 

You almost let go of Jake's hand in alarm, but he gives you a squeeze reassuring you. He leads you a little further into the warehouse, and a middle aged woman comes in through one of the open doors. 

Jake lets go of your hand to give her a warm hug. She hugs Jake back lightly before pushing him away with a playful shove.

"It's good to see you too, Jess," Jake grumbles, dodging out of the way of her playful punch. 

"Hi, I'm Jess. It's nice to meet you." She says turning to you and offers you a warm smile

You introduce yourself a bit shyly, but feel more confident when Jake's hand slips back into yours. 

"Have you known this pest for long?" Jess asks you while gesturing to Jake. 

"Jess, be nice. I am literally your favorite customer and the son you never had," Jake complains. 

"Paula and I were actually very conscious in our choice not to have children, Jake," Jess says, clicking her tongue at him. 

Jake pouts and you can't help but giggle a little at the sight. "I've known him for a bit, yes," you respond. 

"Well, even if he is annoying, you've found yourself a good man," Jess says. You wait for Jake to correct her. When he doesn't you start to do so yourself but Jess has already changed the subject and started walking to the other side of the warehouse with a gesture for you to follow. 

"So, I got them fresh this week. And just like you requested, I'm letting you have the first freshcut pick, even before me." Jess explains to him. 

"I knew you loved me," Jake gasps grinning wide. Jess huffs out a breath at Jake but doesn't deny Jake's accusation which just makes Jake grin wider. Y'all walk to a pile of grey logs stacked close to the large barn doors.

They start a conversation that completely goes over your head, something about soil conditions, chain lengths, altitude, sap, and other details you didn't know impacted wood. You take this opportunity to look around the shop, and appreciate all the different types of wood and tools. You have only slightly lost focus when you suddenly realize Jake has said your name and is looking at you expectantly. He quickly picks up that you missed the question though, so he repeats it gently. 

"You should pick our first one, Sugar. Juniper was your idea." 

"Oh, I just pick one?" You ask looking at all the logs. Besides the fact they were different widths they all looked pretty much the same to you. 

"Yes, Ma'am," Jake confirms. He leads you to the ends of the cuts and starts talking about grains, and the potential knots and twists that would be in the wood when you cut into it. Jess leaves y'all to decide, saying she'll go grab her forklift to make getting the selections into Jake's truck easier. Jess declines Jake's offer to drive with a snipe about how he isn't forklift certified. Jake's muttered comeback about how he could be forklift certified if he wanted makes you roar in laughter. 

You eventually pick a trunk that overall doesn't look too special, but Jake said it looked like it would be easier to work with because of how sticky the sap was. Jake makes two other selections and also insists on helping Jess get the wood into his truck. 

Jess invited you to an early lunch where you met her wife Paula. Paula had clearly been prepared to host and spent the whole meal fawning over Jake. While Jess might deny treating him like a son, Paula certainly leans into it, and you can tell Jake doesn't mind from the glowing smile that stays on his face the whole time you're at their home.  

As promised Jake had planned time to stop at the farmers market, and an outlet mall, that included a target, where two do some light shopping. Finally picking up Jake's drycleaning on your way home. It's a fun day, and you were thankful you had decided to tag along.

"So Jake, are these for what I think?" You ask him excitedly when you have finally made it home and he is pulling the logs into the garage. 

"It definitely might be. After all, this is fresh Juniper." 

You stare at the grey logs of wood with their mossy, splintering bark that has already made a mess in the garage. Examining the wood you try to compare it with the Juniper you have seen in the past.

"I didn't think it was that color," you tell Jake scrunching your eyebrows together in contemplation. 

"Well, the wood isn't actually grey, just the bark," Jake explains. You watch as he pulls two pairs of work gloves from the workbench. He jerks the larger pair on, you realize with adoration that he had gotten a pair in your size. Jake doesn't hand the gloves to you, rather just leaves them out as an offering if you are interested in participating. The casual no pressure offering makes your chest warm and stomach flutter. Biting your lip you try to contain the grin threatening to split your face before joining him at the workbench and sliding the gloves on. 

Grabbing two chisels, he throws one on his belt. Then he picks up alo with two hammers, hanging both those on his toolbelt as well. You start to get distracted by the way Jake's tool belt sits on his slim hips. 

"Yes. Jess managed to expedite it for us in a special order. I'm so excited. You see, in the spring the sap warms up and it runs through the tree so it allows us to do this –" Jake explains to you. He angles the chisel into the bark, working it in. With a controlled hit from the hammer the flat head sinks in a little bit deeper. Wiggling the chisel makes the bark displace, allowing Jake to grab it and pull it downwards. A long section of the bark comes off before splintering and breaking off the log. The action reveals the light colored, bright, 'green' (fresh) wood underneath. 

"I can tell you've never experienced stripping before," Jake says cheekily while wiggling his eyebrows at you. You feel a bit amazed at the beautiful gem that's been revealed to you. 

"What?" you gasp.  

"Stripping is what this process is called," Jake answers while letting out a full bellied laugh, going so far as slapping his own leg. You roll your eyes at him but can't help your smile and excitement on joining in. 

"Some people strip wood with a power washer, but I think that's lazy. On top of the laziness, it prematurely ages and strips the wood of its natural oils, color, and saps! If we take our time though, we can get a longer lasting, vibrant cut. It's a lot of work, but I promise it will be worth it in the long run." 

Jake takes his chisel and edges it under the bark again. When he pulls the long grey strip of bark gives way with a crunch that sizzles against your ears. Jake continues to slowly peel more away to reveal the fresh color underneath, not pressuring you to join the process at any point. 

However when you do ask to help Jake is patient going over the process with you, explaining the best angle to keep the chisel. He provides steady guidance, only leaving you alone in the process when you tell him that you have a handle on what you're doing. 

You help Hangman strip one of the logs and just as he had said, it is a slow process. It is however extremely satisfying and lots of fun. He puts on a podcast after consulting you to find one you would both enjoy. At one point you accidentally dig your chisel too far under the bark and feel it sink slightly into the 'green' sap softened wood. Your heart drops, and when you peel it back you see that it has pulled a chunk of wood, leaving a gouge in the trunk. You freeze, noticing the damage of the mistake, pulling your eyes to where Jake is working. Just as you start to wonder if there could be a way to fix or hide your mistake, Jake looks over at you with a wide smile that crinkles around his eyes.

"Oh wow," he gasps, the smile falling. Anxiety claws at your throat, and you instinctively prepare yourself for something bad to happen, every muscle in your body tensing in anticipation. Jake's hand gently pushes yours out of the way and dips over the gouge pushing away some of the sap that was springing from the area. Jake clicks his tongue before saying. "Look at this, sugar" 

"I know and–" You are getting ready to spew the best excuse and explanation you can think of before Jake interrupts you. 

"I've seen this color juniper, at least not in person" Jake tells you breathily. You are momentarily surprised that his words do not contain any anger, veiled insults, or condescending tones. Then you remember that this is Jake, so of course you're not going to 'be in trouble'. It takes your eyes a moment to drop down to the thick trunk again. Where you had damaged the wood, it revealed a bright purple streak under the top grain. 

"It's purple," you say, eyes widening. 

"It does look purple does it?" Jake asks excitedly. "That means at the very least that vein will look like that through the trunk. If not all the pigmentation in the grain." 

"So, it's not usually purple?" You ask. 

"Sometimes red, but not purple. This one was a real treasure find, sugarpie" Jake answers. His grin was so wide you were a little worried about his face. However, before you know it, he is sweeping you in his arms and rocking you playfully while saying, "We are going to have to do something really special with this one."  

"Puzzle table," You say as if that was the most obvious answer. That was the whole reason he had gotten all these logs of juniper, after all. 

"Yeah, maybe for the puzzle table," Jake says noncommittally, though as he hums you can tell that won't be the case. He kisses your forehead and mutters a thank you.

Jake gives you another thank you, a little while later, once you two have started to work again. "We wouldn't have known about the color until I went to cut planks and then there would have been a lot less I could do to preserve the color." 

"I made a mistake, Jake."

"Not all mistakes are bad," he says kindly. "Sometimes they are just something that's meant to happen. They have to happen for us to learn something." 

"Says the man who famously never makes mistakes," you grouse back. 

"I make mistakes, but unfortunately, like everything I do, it's to the max. Either the best or the worst," he trails off with a shrug. 

"Because you refuse to be middling?" You ask him teasingly. You aren't surprised when his sharp elbow playfully taps into your arm, and if you bruise later-- it will be worth it.  

"We never should have read and watched Little Women," Jake grumbles. However, his open and light body language make it very clear to you he is being playful. You traced the shape of his dimples with your eyes enjoying the ease they brought to you. They seemed like the perfect place to rest your thumbs on his cheeks. It's nice how Jake comes with a built in guidance system. From his dimples, to the smile lines that will age nicely into kind crows feet all pointing to the freckle-mole by his right eye. You had already mapped out every place you wanted to kiss, given the opportunity. 

"You loved them both," you remind Jake. 

"Of course I did. It is a heart warming, stunning story. But you don't always have to make fun of how I teared up a little bit." Jake tells you, adopting a frown. Teared up was a bit of a down play on what had happened but you didn't call Jake out on that part. It wasn't a bad thing for men to get emotional and cry. 

"I only tease because you were upset about it for the entire next day. Which honestly was so sweet."

"It's not sweet, Sugar." Jake groans. 

"Jake, let's not do this dance," you sigh, rolling your eyes at him and turning back to your work on the trunk. You are much more careful now in how you place the chisel under the bark. In the middle of stripping off the next piece the podcast shuts off and some slow country music replaces it. 

"Now, Sugar," Jake says in an extra thick southern accent that makes you narrow your eyes. He eases in close to you and pulls the chisel out of your hand sliding it in his tool belt. Unbuckling it Jake sets it on the bench. Coming back to your side he takes your hand, delicately. Jake pulls your work gloves from each finger. Intentional and steady, the pads of his fingers brush against your revealed skin. He tosses the gloves to the side as well, and with your now free hands pulls you closer to him, towards the open space in the middle of the garage. 

"What dance exactly don't you want to do?" Jake asks you, starting to sway to the music and encouraging you to join him in the simple steps. Once you do he gleefully spins you in time with the music and draws you back even closer to his chest after. 

Blowing out a sigh you melt into his embrace. Dancing with Jake was different than any other man; he was confident and incharge, firm enough with his hold that there wasn't any space for you to really fall out of step with him, but he left enough room so you didn't feel like he was forcefully dragging you through the steps. He was good about taking the worry of thinking about the steps away from you, allowing you to just enjoy the movement and how his broad body felt pressed so close. 

"The dance where you try to sell some preposterous lie about not being a good man, and I have to convince you otherwise." 

"Ouch," Jake says. You lean back further resisting the hold he has in moving you. Jake doesn't allow the movement though, continuing to step dance to the music guiding you with him. 

"I'm sorry, Jake." you say already feeling a little bad. 

"No, no. I might have deserved that one," Jake answers, as the song wraps up, and you don't know what to say. He doesn't let go of you though, just adjusts his steps, leads his steps into the next one. 

"Let's find a different dance you do like," he says after a bit, shuffling you in his arms. "For example, we know you love the Texas two step."

"Do I?" You ask him with a laugh. 

"Yes, ma'am," He responds confidently, not leaving room to contradict him. "How do you feel about salsa though?" 

Jake turns you around the open space in the garage, going through dances he knows until you are both laughing. When he suggests cooking dinner and watching Dancing with the Stars for some new ideas you readily and happily agree, especially when he reminds you the logs will still be there tomorrow, and there is no real need to rush since you have at least a week until the sap is too dry to easily strip anymore.

…

"Marlee, your boss isn't going to pass you up for a promotion." 

"Well, she might if I'm pregnant," Marlee responds in a small voice that doesn't match her typical outgoing demeanor. You almost drop your phone but manage to keep your grip tight. 

"Marlene Machado… First of all, that would be illegal, and we would file a report with HR. And secondly, is there something you are wanting to tell me?"

"No!" Marlee says, "I don't know what you're talking about, me pregnant?! That's crazy talk. Maybe you're the one who's pregnant." 

"Okay, honey. Sorry, sorry." You sigh only partly apologetic into the phone. 

"No, I'm sorry." She replies in a quiet voice. "But nothing for sure yet." 

"That's okay, Marls. It's only been a few months of this new medicine."

"Yeah, well um I guess that leads to my next problem."

"What's that?"

"What are your plans for Saturday?"

"I don't have any plans." You say running through your mental calendar to check. 

"Okay, perfect. So, here's what Javy and I are thinking." 

"So Javy is involved?" You clarify. 

"What? Of course, he is!" Marlee says sounding affronted at even the concept of not including her husband, which makes you almost smile for real. 

"Okay, okay," you tell her with a small laugh. 

"We'll pick you up. Then we'll carpool to the airport. Don't worry I already made signs. Then we want to take y'all to Olive Garden."

You distantly hear Javy yelling, "When we are there, we are family."

Marlee takes a moment to giggle, "I'll make sure you and Jake drink a bottle of wine. Preferably one each. Trust me, nothing helps with the ‘we haven't seen each other in six months’ awkwardness better than wine. Then we will drive you two home!" 

You aren't successful in catching your phone this time and it slams to the ground. You're frozen staring down at it, only managing to shake yourself and pick it up when you hear Marlee saying your name in concern. 

"Sorry, the phone slipped. What was that?" 

"Oh no, is it okay?"

"Yeah, it's fine," you answer the pit in your stomach growing till it feels like it might swallow you whole. 

"You don't need help with anything for tomorrow do you?" Marlee asks worriedly. You take a glance around the house. You had worked hard keeping things orderly and together while Jake had been gone. You knew how worried he was that things would change while he was away. It hadn't been easy and there were a few weeks there when you hadn't been able to keep yourself afloat very well. 

"Help with what?" You ask, trying to get her to confirm what you thought you had heard. 

"Any cleaning or organizing or any of that. Groceries so you and Jake don't have to go shop. Javy hates going to the store when he comes home. I guess there is something especially frustrating about them," Marlee trails off. You can tell that she is picking up on your off mood, and of course she was. She probably expected you to be ecstatic that Jake was coming home, and maybe you would have been if you had known about it. 

You realize there isn't a way out of this so you have to concede a truth to her. You bite your lip and let your eyes frantically comb over the house again before finally whispering. "He hasn't said anything to me… about coming home." 

When Marlee answers you can hear she isn't on speakerphone anymore, and asks you quietly, "He hasn't mentioned it at all?" 

"Not a word," you respond solemnly. 

"I'm sorry for ruining the surprise."

"I'm glad you did. I'll definitely want to clean and shop like you mentioned. And as nice as your plan sounded, maybe not this time. You two are the sweetest ever."

"I still feel bad. Are you sure you don't need help with anything?"

"I'm fine, thank you, Marlee!" You were not fine.

"Wait, babes, I'm worried."

"Don't worry. I'll talk to you later, yeah? I love you!" You hang up the phone and stare at it blankly. Trying to process the new information you had just gotten. Looking around the house you realized you weren't even close to ready for Jake to come home.  

You spend all of your free time panicking, cleaning and organizing the house, trying to make sure everything was just perfect for when Jake comes home. You almost had a breakdown when you couldn't remember if the quilt on his bed had been green or dark blue when he left.. The smallest details were haunting you. You had spent nearly an hour working up the courage to erase the chalkboard in the kitchen. Worried that you would forget some of the more important reminders, you erase everything but what you deemed Jake needed to know, like things that had come up concerning the house. It leaves a choppy, oddly spaced list, but you don't think you will have the energy to rewrite it without crying. 

You were asleep when Jake came home. Waking up to sounds that are familiar and yet gone enough that they don't sound right, confuses your tired mind before you are startled into wakefulness, fully placing that for the first time in 6 months someone else is cooking in your kitchen. Your alarm is slightly eased when you check your phone and see a text from Marlee. 

We're here with a gift, come down stairs as soon as you wake up <3

 While you were put at ease knowing some manic axe murderer isn't in your house, you almost feel like you would prefer that to what you now know is waiting for you downstairs. You sit in your room for nearly an hour trying to work out what to do, if you should confront Jake and how to approach it, hoping inspiration or bravery will strike you into moving. It never does though, and instead there is a heavy handed knock on your bedroom door. 

Taking a big gulp, not having the strength to find your voice, you slowly creak the door open. You lift your eyes up and unexpectedly find Javy on the other side of the door. 

"Hey, sleeping beauty!" Javy says cheerfully. It takes you a few deep breaths to answer from your surprise. You don't know what the look on your face is, but the next thing you know, Javy is sweeping you up into a tight hug. You are frozen though, still strung out on what this must mean, that Jake is home. 

"Is he?" You start to ask, but not sure how you actually want to finish the sentence: home, safe, okay, the same. Javy doesn't respond, he just squeezes you harder. You try asking your question again to get an answer. "Is Jake?" 

"Hangman is here," Javy finally confirms. 

"I thought it was going to be this evening."

"Some of his flights got shifted around at the last minute." 

"Oh. And is he..?" You can't finish that question either. 

"He will be okay," Javy says lightly.  

"Will be? So, that means that he isn't okay now." You grimace, worry flooding your chest that is already so full of hurt. 

"It'll all take us some time to readjust and recalibrate. Just don't push him, and more importantly yourself too hard. Okay?" Javy says pulling away from the hug after another squeeze. You nod numbly, not entirely sure you know what he means but it is comforting to know your friend is here. 

When you don't make a move to follow Javy towards the door when he starts to retreat he levels you with a concerned look. 

"Why do you love Jake?" Javy asks, leaning back against your door. 

You open your mouth to protest that you don't love Jake– how can you love someone who willfully hasn't talked to you in 6 months? The words don't come out though, because in spite of it all, you do love him. You love him so much it hurts, and you made that choice even as Jake actively warned you against it. Javy waits patiently for you to respond, which just makes you feel like squirming more. 

"I do not see what that has to do with anything," you try to deflect but Coyote frowns at you and shakes his head.

"It's because he makes you feel better than a million bucks right?" Javy presses on with the question.

"Yeah, sometimes." You concede thinking of how it was before Jake left. 

"Or like you are the most important thing in the room? More important even than him?" 

"Don't know if I love Jake because of that. I think those are just side benefits. I love Jake just by virtue of him being Jake." You say trying to explain how you feel and Javy nods along to your words. 

"I get it," he says. You worry your lip and look at the door again, still not sure you can do this. 

"It's going to be okay. Marlee and I are here to play interference as long as you two need it. Remembering those things you love about him will help get through the rough patch. He is really worried about doing something wrong."

"What do you mean wrong?" 

"I would say he is worried about hurting you." And you had to resist the urge to laugh, because it was already much too late for that. Jake had been hurting you for months now.

"Has something gone wrong before, or is he just scared?"

Javy doesn't answer your question and he avoids your gaze and stares hard at a far wall. "Hangman and I aren't always stationed together." 

"Oh, I see."

"You're going to have to give him some grace and time; he will even out, I promise. If it gets too bad you can always call me, okay?" Javy's eyes meet yours again, and he gives you a sad smile. "I love Jake too, you know."

"Yeah, I know you do." You reassure him. "Thanks Coyote, you are a good friend to him, and me too." 

Javy is then urging you to finally leave your room, opening the door and gesturing for you to step out. He is asking you to be brave, and it's a lot easier to face your fears when you know someone else is there to help, just in case. 

"Hey what's taking so long up there?" Marlee yells up the stairs suspiciously. She must have heard your door open.  

"I am once again begging Javy to run away with me." You yell back to her playfully. Giving Javy one last tight hug and a muttered thank you, he strides confidently down the stairs. Anxiety and nerves eat away at your every step leaving a sour taste on your tongue. You keep your eyes trained on the ground, as you descend the stairs, still not ready to actually see Jake. 

Instead you keep your eyes trailed on Javy where he has automatically drifted to his wife's side and is already wrapping himself around her and kissing her cheek. 

"Well, were you convinced to run away?" Marlee asks her husband, hugging him back, clearly enjoying the joke. 

"No Ma'am, not this time," Coyote answers with a laugh. 

"I wasn't worried," she tells him. "I know there's only one person you would leave me for."

"I would never leave you," Javy responds, dropping the playfulness from his voice. However, Marlee persists. 

"That's not true, we both know if Jake asked, you wouldn't even hesitate." The couple both turn their eyes towards the kitchen, which you realize is where Jake must be. You are frozen on the last step of the stairs, unable to take your eyes off Marlee and Javy, even as they expectantly look back and forth between where you are standing and where he is. 

You decide you aren't brave enough, that you can't actually do this. You need to retreat up the stairs into your room and pack all of your things in order to get out of here as soon as possible. Jake was back now, all the responsibility you had to watch and take care of the house was released from your shoulders. Never facing him again seems like the obvious solution, you don't know why you had never considered it before. 

"I wouldn't ever ask Javy to run away with me, he snores too much," Jake says. His voice tricks your eyes into looking towards the kitchen. Thinking about Jake Seresin and seeing him are two distinctly different things. He is handsome, Jake always has been handsome, but after so long of not seeing him, it's glaring, breathtaking. 

You think you had expected him to change, which doesn't really make sense. Half a year, in the grand scheme of things, really isn't very long. You think maybe his uniform fits him a bit more snugly, that he looks even more fit than before. You weren't prepared… you weren't prepared at all. And now you are stuck because he is looking back at you. Jake blinks at you, and you stare wide eyed, too afraid if your eyes close for even a second he will be gone. 

"Hello. Good morning," Jake finally says. 

"Hi," you squeak. Then you are finally able to take the last step off the stairs and say, "It's good to see you." 

Jake flashes you one of his perfect practiced smiles and a wink. Then he gestures to the bowls and pans in front of him, "I'm making french toast." 

You wait a second, having to choke back a sob threatening to bubble in your chest. Then say, "I'm sure that will be good." 

Javy and Marlee's analyzing the two of you makes the awkwardness press in harder. Gulping, you try to seem casual about walking towards the kitchen. Jake watches you intently. At the last minute you change your mind and veer down the hallway towards the front door instead. 

"Sorry, I just have some errands I need to run," You announce loudly, quickening your step. Fumbling with the locks you burst out the front door, and stand heaving on the front porch. Gripping the railing hard, you lean against it trying to brace yourself. 

A minute later you hear the door open, and you close your eyes tight, wishing you had been smart enough to walk further away. There is a slight clunk against the ground and you see a pair of your shoes next to your feet. 

"Thought you might need shoes," Jake says quietly. Fuck, this hurt so much more than you though it would. You thought having him home would feel like a relief, not a fresh stab wound. You just shake your head, not sure you can say anything. Jake waits patiently but after several long minutes, he breathes out a quiet sigh. 

"Okay. Well. I think I should just apologize and get on with it. I'm sorry, I am so sorry." You can't stop the hitching sob that falls from your throat. 

"I know you didn't love back the same way, but I didn't realize you cared so little about me." 

"That is an inaccurate statement," Jake protests. 

"I don't want us to have a fight Jake." You mumble, nothing about this conversation was making you feel better. 

"Well I do. I want us to have a fight, because you should be mad at me. You should be yelling at me and cursing the ground I walk on. You should've burned down this house!" He exclaims, and you can hear his frustration. You open your eyes to find Jake standing stiff and straight next to the slightly ajar front door. Hands clenched tight, Jake was staring at like you were water and he had been stranded in the desert for days, parched. A direct sighting of his green eyes is all it takes to break your resolve.  

"I can't be mad at you!" You exclaim, throwing your hands up in the air. 

"Why not?" He prods you in a low voice.

"You know exactly why."  

Jake huffs, clenching his jaw he glares upwards, away from you. 

"You don't have to be this saint you know. You don't have to be this perfectly stable person for me because you feel like that's what I need. Please don't let me get away with hurting you." 

"I won't give you the satisfaction," you tell him coldly. 

"What?" Jake asks, his eyebrows drawing together in confusion. 

"I'm not going to give you the satisfaction of confirming that you are the bad guy you've convinced yourself you are. So, what would you like me to say instead?"   

"I guess I want you to listen to the fact that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for how I left, I'm sorry for how I behaved, I—"

"Are you really sorry for what happened between us?" You ask in a small voice. You lower your eyes to look at the ground, not wanting to be too confrontational. 

"Of course I am," he sighs. It's a stab to your heart. You had treasured the long heartbreakingly beautiful evening you had with Jake before he left, and hearing him say he doesn't feel the same is harrowing. 

"Are you—" you start to ask but stop yourself. You ball up all the hurt in your chest trying to rationalize and compartmentalize. Realizing this is another one of those times you had to fill in the gaps. It was time you refocused on the realities at hand. There were no promises besides the one you had made. That you would love him regardless, and continuously. Reminding yourself this fact helps, you could be upset after, later. Every moment actually with Jake should be treasured, this was the first moment you were getting with him in how long and of course you had ruined it. 

"I'm sorry for every other thing I know I should be, and everything I willfully chose not to know too. I'm sorry, and well I want to go on forever. I want to keep telling you I'm sorry every second. So, I'm sorry. I'll say it a million times more. Like you deserve."

"Jake, stop. Sometimes the more times you say something the cheaper the words have become. So let's keep this one valuable. I'm sorry for pushing, and you've said sorry too. We can move on now." 

"I'll just be plain then." He says, though you can tell that the frustration and desperation are still burning hot under his skin. 

"Yes, Jake, be plain. That's the best option for us."

"If we step over lines?"

"We say something, stop and talk about it."

"Okay." He agrees, "We have to talk about the other thing now too."

"What thing?" you ask.

"My question, what happened between us." He says as if he hadn't just told you part of him regrets it. 

"You asked to be selfish with me Jake, and I said yes. I don't regret that, and I'm not mad about what happened. You had my permission and consent for all of it.' 

"I just kept waiting until I knew what I wanted to say, but then I never knew what I wanted to say," he explains. 

"Jake, I really…" You sigh and scrub your hand over your face. "Can we not talk about this right now?"

 Jake nods silently in response. "Okay, Later, then."

"Sure, like when the Machados aren't listening on the other side of the door." You say loudly looking at the front door that was cracked, having no doubt your friends were being nosey. Not that you really blame them, you probably would have done the same thing. 

"Do you still have errands to run?" he asks you. You look out to the street deciding you should at least take a small walk to sort through your thoughts. 

"I'm just going to go on a little walk. I'm sure I'll be back by the time breakfast is done," you explain. 

"Sounds good, sugar. Can I help you with your shoes?" He asks quietly. The only reason you nod your head yes is because you think you might start crying otherwise. 

Jake kneels down and hesitates for a long moment before his large warm hand is on your ankle, helping angle your foot into the shoe. His thumb makes a brushing stroke across the skin before doing the same thing with the other foot. When you get back from your walk, it's awkward. You completely avoid Marlee's attempts to get you to go off and talk with her. Instead, you decide that the best course of action is to pretend that nothing is wrong. You laugh at jokes and ignore how stilted and awkward Jake's conversation is with everyone. Then, after Marlee and Javy linger way too long, before you and Jake finally get them to leave. Once they are out the door and Jake has locked the door behind them, you both let out a sigh of relief. You meet Jake's gaze, both of you offer small smiles. It's the most normal moment you've had all day. 

"Welcome back, Jake." You offer tentatively. "Is there anything I can do for you?"

"I kinda just want to nap," he admits. You part ways at the top of the stairs giving him a strained smile and retreat into your room; Jake's eyes don't leave you until the door is shut firmly in place. 

It's much later that night when you hear some loud banging. You shoot out of your room worried, and realize the banging is coming from the other side of Jake's bedroom door. You knock on it firmly but don't hear a response. 

You knock again and the banging comes to a stop. You try the door and find it locked. 

"Jake, are you okay?" You ask him through the door. 

"I'm fine. Thanks," he yells back. You wait but when you don't get anything more, you have no choice but to leave him be and go back to your room. You don't actually even see Jake again until two nights later. You have been able to tell that he is home but Jake is as elusive as a ghost. 

You run into him next when you open your door one night to get some water before bed. Jake is standing on the other side, holding two water bottles. Part of you has a hunch that he had been standing there for a while. He looks shocked but a little relieved when he sees you. 

"I know I shouldn't be here," Jake starts slowly, taking his gaze off of you and looks down at his feet. 

"No, it's okay that you are here," you stutter slightly. "Is there something you need?" 

Jake nods his head along with your words, his eyebrows drawing together. Then he holds out a water bottle for you to take. "Can I just be here? Here, with you?"

"Of course, always." You say stepping backwards into your room leaving the door wide open for him. You shuffle to your bed and lift open the blankets ready to welcome him there with you. However, Jake drops the pillow he was holding on the floor nearby and lays down instead. 

You want to ask him questions about it but the edge he is on isn't one you want to poke or prod in any direction. While you are still hurt, knowing he is here is safe again, with you is equally as soothing, a small dosage of pain medication. 

"There's plenty of room up here with me too, you know." You decide to casually offer just in case. 

"It's too soft for me right now."

"I just thought I would offer," you say lightly. 

"I can't sleep. It's the worst part. Everything is too quiet and too still and at the same time not quiet or still enough. I think I might go insane." He explains in a low voice. 

"What can I do? What do you need?" You ask sympathetically. 

"Can we talk about it?" Jake asks hopefully. 

"No, Jake. We can't," You sigh and hear him sigh in frustration. 

"Someday, at some point, we are going to have to talk about it," Jake says so carefully you know he is consciously holding back the taunting frustration he wants to put into the words. 

"No, we really don't," You contradict him. 

"Sweets," Jake responds, sounding wrecked. 

You think you should give into him again. You should allow Jake to talk his heart out and seek penance from you. How this should be a time when you are strong for him. However, as much as you want to give Jake the world, there must be times that you curl around your own heart to try and shield it from hurt. 

"Listen, Jake. I don't need to know why you didn't talk to me while you were gone. No matter what your explanation is, it's going to hurt my feelings. So, I would rather not know. Please, let me pretend something a little kinder." 

He is silent, so very quiet for so long you almost wonder if he has left. Evaporated from existence, that he never came home at all, and you've been living an elaborate hallucination. You turn on your side just to check in the soft lamp light that Jake is still laying on the floor. 

"You should have said no to me before I left. It would have saved us both a lot of grief I think." 

Jake's words feel like a punch in the gut, rattling around like a wrecking ball, leaving a bloody massacre behind. With a heavy blown out breath you say, "No it wouldn't have."

"No, it wouldn't have," he sighs in agreement. 

"It would be nice though, if we could go back to before." 

"Before?" He asks. 

"Yes," you say, clutching your blankets tight. "If I could pretend that you never got orders and didn't leave. I would jump to that in an instant. 

"You want to pretend nothing happened?" 

"Isn't that an idea?" You huff a small broken laugh at the ridiculousness of it.

"What if I don't remember exactly how things went before?" Jake wonders. 

"Jake, I wasn't serious," you say cautiously.  

There are several long minutes of silence where you wait for him to say something. Finally, you hear Jake let out a long heavy audible groan while shifting. "If you don't want to talk it out. Pretending is probably our best option then. Otherwise, what are we going to do, sweets?" 

"Sugar," You correct automatically. 

"Hmm?" 

"You usually call me sugar, or honey. Not sweets" 

"Ah, that's right, and darling. I got it mixed up because you're so sweet to me."

"I'll help you. If you don't remember how it goes." 

"Thank you," he says. And you can't believe he is actually agreeing to this idea, or really that you are either. 

"Do you not like sweets?" Jake asks eventually. 

"It's fine enough, I guess." You answer as lightly as you can. Then you go through another bout of silence. You nervously play with the edge of a blanket hoping that this tension with Jake will ease. It's always gone away in the past, but that was also before. 

"That's what you want then? Tomorrow, we go back?" Jake asks again. 

"Yes, tomorrow," You confirm. 

"Sugar?

"Yes, Jakers?"

"Can I ask you a question?" He asks. You laugh lightly, feeling a bit of the nervousness ease at his tone which has become much lighter. 

"I never understand why people say that. Aren't you already asking a question?" Jake chuckles low in his chest in amusement. He doesn't follow along with the joke though, just leaves it there hanging in the air. 

"The answer is yes," you tell him casually. 

"You don't know what the question is." 

"Yes, you can ask me a question," you clarify in a whisper. Jake makes some rustling sounds and you hear him come closer to you.

"Are you sure that bed is big enough for two?" He asks. 

"Why don't we find out?" You laugh feeling more at ease. 

With a nod Jake crawls onto bed and turns to face you on his side. However, he doesn't scoot in close like you expect. He is stone still on the other side of the bed, laying on top of the covers, only shifting his pillow once. 

"What would you do, if I told you the last time I said yes, it had an extended warranty?" You ask while turning on your side to face where you are in the bed now. 

"How long are we talking about here?" Jake asks. 

"Unfortunately, I think it expires some time tomorrow." You watch Jake work his lip in contemplation, while examining your face closely. 

"Why would you let me be selfish with you again?" 

"I think it's because we are selfish. Maybe it's a little bit because I don't want the memory of the last time I tasted you to be bitter." 

Jake rolls away from you onto his back, blinking rapidly at the ceiling. "Stop letting me take things from you."

"We both deserve a night where we are selfish with each other, I think." You tell him reaching across the gap between you. You set a hand on Jake's cheek ignoring the prickly stubble there. 

"To have you and let you go again the next day would be torture," Jake says all while leaning into your touch. 

"Just a kiss this time," you offer, urging him by his cheek to come a little closer to you. 

"It was supposed to be just a kiss last time too." Jake's eyes are bright where they burn into yours. He inches a little closer and you lean forwards as well, reducing the gap between you two that much more until there is just a miniscule space now.  

"I know," You answer against his lips, letting your hand slip into his hair. Jake's lips move with yours crowding in close, like he is trying to breathe all of you into himself and commit you to memory. 

"Maybe, it can be more of a promise?" Jake eventually gasps. 

"A promise?" You question. 

"A promise not to hurt you like this again," Jake answers.

"That's not an easy promise to keep," you warn. 

"That's true, but I'm willing to try anyway." He kisses you again and dips his tongue into your mouth. Jake swallows your little whimpers; he tastes just as good as he always has. It's very easy to be selfish with Jake "Hangman" Seresin.  

…

It's a slow road to trying to get back to normal. Jake circles around the house like he is lost. Picking things up and setting them down, starting conversations with you and leaving halfway through them. Shadows stretch across his face and his increasingly dark stubble and facial hair. You are a little surprised to find that he doesn't have a red beard like most blonds do. The facial hair only serves to make him look increasingly gaunt.

Jake even denies your offer to start a puzzle together, telling you that wasn't something he could handle at the moment. You try not to seem like you were watching him like a hawk, but you definitely are. Until one day he stood up from the table in the middle of dinner and announced that he was going camping. 

"Oh okay. Do you know how long?" 

"Yeah," Jake sighs, "I'll be home before next weekend, and I promise you when I get home I'll be normal again."

"You don't have to be any which way for me Jake," you tell him gently. 

"I know, but I need to do this for me too, sugar." He explains while putting away dishes. You watch him complete the task; Jake is antsy even with his hands occupied. None of the projects or tasks he has picked up since being home have been enough to occupy him with real distraction. Two days ago, you had walked into the garage where Jake had rigged up his camping hammock to the ceiling which you felt like he was swaying precariously 8 feet off the ground. On top of that Jake had music blasting, a documentary on Yosemite playing, while also whittling a piece of wood. 

"Okay. I'll miss you." You eventually say. Jake purses his lip, and after a heavy gulp he nods his head. Once the last of the dishes is away he spins on his heel and heads towards the garage door. 

You hurry after him, "Jake?"

"Yes, sugar?" He asks, not pausing his trajectory. 

"Are you leaving right now?" You ask him surprised. 

"Yes, I packed earlier today."

"Can I have a hug before you go?" You ask him hesitantly. 

Jake freezes. He rubs his hands across his face pressing briefly into his eyes while sighing a very soft "Fuck." Then he turns to you fully looking abashed. "Yeah, sugar. What do you need before I go? I'm sorry I should have asked that first."

"No, it's no big deal. Honestly." You tell him backing off not wanting to be too much. Jake shushes you softly while stepping closer. 

"Tell me how it goes. I need to remind myself about this part."

"Well," you start off hesitantly, "normally I would get a hug goodbye." 

"Ahh," Jake hums, "that's right. And I do that part like this?" Jake wraps you in his arms, draping them high on your back. You wait a moment before draping your arms around his neck.

"How's the next part going again, sweets?"

"You squeeze my waist a little harder and lower." Jake follows the direction his arms tightening around you drawing you flush against his chest. 

"Now?" He whispers. 

"You would probably kiss my forehead."

"Just your forehead?" Jake asks breathily. 

"I'll leave that one up to you, Jake." He unwraps a hand from your waist to hold the back of your neck, keeping you steady. 

"And if I want to kiss somewhere else?"

"You've got my permission Jake," you tell him trying to keep want and desire out of your voice. Jake parts his lips and leans in closer brushing his lips to grace over your cheekbone. 

"You can have it, Jake," you remind him.

"No," he answers and closes his eyes. "Not again, not yet. I'll be home in a few days."

Once Jake leaves you know there is something you have to do to help him. It's an idea that gets stuck in your head and then you can't get it out. He had been spending time daily in his hammock in the garage, and you noted that Jake had taken it with him when he left. You missed how he used to casually be in the living room, so you started brainstorming some ideas on how you might entice Jake to join you again. 

So, you go to the kitchen and pull out the rolodex, find the card dedicated to Miss Celeste and give it a call. Russell answers the phone, and you can hear the man smiling through the phone as you ask after his wife. It turns out Jake's grandmother is just as blunt but kind hearted as you had been led to believe. After a longer conversation with her, she and Russ offer you some advice and tips

You aren't wholly sure how you managed to get it all done. Eventually having to call Coyote to help you move some of the living room furniture. However, after significantly less sleep than you already get, there is a large comfy hammock in the living room. You and Javy had to sandwich Jake's large comfy chair much closer to the couch than it was previously, but y'all managed to make it all fit. 

Jake comes home from camping quietly late one night. The stubble he had been supporting before is a full-on beard now, and his hair is longer than you have ever seen it. This look is intimidating to you in lots of ways, like some mirrored version of Jake that you don't know. He offers. quick hello when he comes in from the garage, breezing past you and towards the stairs.  

Jake doesn't make it to the stairs though instead he stands frozen at the edge of the living room for five whole minutes just staring at the hammock. You watch him closely, trying to gauge his reaction. 

"It's a surprise for you." You say after the amount of time he is standing there increases to a concerning duration. Compelled to do something you explain, "I know your hammock has been one of the only places you have been able to relax."  

"This is very sweet. I appreciate it." Jake starts evenly. It's contradictory as you see him grit his teeth, and his fists clench and unclench at his sides. 

"You don't like it?" You ask him.

"It's not that," Jake tries to explain. "It's just you can't randomly switch the living room around and add new furniture like this." 

Your mouth drops open in shock. This might be one of the first times Jake has ever told you there is something you can't do in the house. It's jarring, he has always spent so much time tailoring everything to your likes, desires, and aesthetics that you hardly even think about the house as Jake's and Jake's alone anymore. Frustration bubbles under the shock twisting into anger at the situation. You were trying your best, doing all the things you thought you should, and it still didn't seem like enough. 

"That is so rich coming from you for so many different reasons Jake." You say agitated, rolling your eyes. 

"Why are you upset?" Jake asks you, finally looking away from the living room. 

"Why are you upset?" You parrot with emphasis. 

"Well, what did you expect? I left for a few days and now there is a hammock in the living room. That's an outdoor item you brought indoors," Jake responds snappily. It pushes you right against an edge that you are unfamiliar with living on now. You had forgotten how it was to live in a hyper aware state, trying to manage and monitor someone else's emotions. 

"You act like you haven't done the same thing," you tell him, gesturing frustratedly at the juniper chest. "I was doing something nice for you. However, if you don't like it, I'm sure you're more than capable of taking it down and moving your furniture back and fixing your living room."  

You leave Jake in the living room and go to the kitchen. He grumbles to himself upset which makes you feel even more on edge. However, you refuse to let Jake blowing back into the house prevent you from finishing the dishes you had been stacking and putting away. 

"It's our living room," he finally calls back to you.

"You aren't acting like it."

"You could have given me some warning," he reasons, but it has a slightly accusatory tone. 

"When Jake?" You ask him, upset. "When you called me and told me you were coming home? When you text? How exactly was I supposed to let you know?"

He doesn't have an answer and you slam the door of a cupboard harder than you intend. Inside, the stack of bowls were more precariously placed than you thought. The cupboard closes and bounces back open, the bowls ejecting and crashing hard against the ground. Several of them shatter when they make impact, sending ceramic shards flying across the area. 

You aren't expecting the sound to trigger you. It most likely does because of how high strung and worried you already are. The house is such a safe comforting space you don't really have a game plan for when PTSD attacks hit you here. A chill makes its way up your spine, while the sound of shattering glass rings echoing in your ears, for much longer than it echoes in the room. It's all it takes for some flip to switch in your head. 

Managing to take small gasping breaths, you try to assess the damage of the sharp ceramic pieces around you, categorizing how many bowls had broken. It doesn't help you to fight off sudden panic that is creeping in when you notice one of the destroyed bowls was one Miss Celeste had made for Jake. It was a soup bowl stamped with a silly song Jake liked to sing anytime he used it. Distantly you hear Jake calling your name but can't fully process it. He is stepping towards you, fear rings through your body, and instinctually you go to step back away from him. Flinching hard every one of your muscles feels like it's attached to a live wire. Your fight or flight mode activated but you are still mostly frozen in the middle with short panting breaths, your eyes flit across the room trying to find a suitable escape path. 

"Sugar, please don't move. Just stay right there. It's okay." Jake is repeating, holding his hand up, showing you his open body language. Your breaths continue to come out gasping, but eventually you are able clear the cloudiness up enough with the help of Jake's soothing.  

"Jake, help," you whimper. Training your eyes on Jake you think that he is the only available escape, from the glass around you and this attack. At your words, his whole face shifts overcome with a serious ‘get things done’ demeanor.

"Are you hurt?" He asks calmly. You can't answer him just offering a shaking shrug. "Stay right there for me, Sugar. Okay?" 

Jake is shoving his feet into some boots, then crunching through the broken ceramics and glass before picking you up. He carries you to the living room, setting you down on top of the closed puzzle table. Once you are there, he kneels in front of you. Picking up each of your feet, Jake carefully examines them for injury. Then gives the rest of your body a scan; he is clearly relieved to find that there weren't any cuts. 

"Wait here." He orders you gently, walking back to the kitchen and setting about cleaning the mess. 

"I can clean that," you try to tell him in a weak attempt for Jake to stop.

"You just stay there looking pretty and take some breaths, sweets." He responds from the kitchen. You decide to give in, which is probably for the best with the way the numb panic is still very present at the edge of your consciousness. Your heart is still beating erratically as well. 

Jake is expedient and thorough about cleaning, going through the whole kitchen and dining room with his shop vacuum searching for any hiding slivers. When finished he makes his way to the living room and crouches by your side again sighing heavily. 

"I'm sorry," he says, setting his large warm hands on your knees.

"I'm sorry," you apologize as well. "I should have waited and asked you before changing the living room."

"You don't need to ask. I've just been on edge and wasn't expecting it. I do appreciate the thought. And you know I do love hammocks so, I'm sure I'll love it."

"We don't have to keep it," You remind him.

"We are taking it for a trial run," Jake responds. Then a few moments later he lets out a heavy sigh and says, "You know we are doing it all already, right?" 

"What's that?"

"It" Jake says gesturing with his free hand in the air. "We fit together. We're," Jake takes the slightest pause, his hand grips yours so tight you almost ache, then he drops it completely. "A bridle joint or maybe, a box joint." 

"We aren't ever going to fit with anyone else are we?" You ask him, clarifying. 

"No, we aren't. I think it might just be this, Sugar. It's just us." Jake says the words like a confession, an admission, an honest reality. 

You try to analyze the look in his eyes, but over anything else all you can focus on is how tired he is. You pick Jake's hand up again. Standing from the couch, pulling him with you. Jake asks no questions; he just follows you as you guide him. You tug him with you to each of the doors as you make sure each one is locked, jiggling them to be sure. Then he follows you to the kitchen as you grab two of his glass water bottles. You hand one to him and take his, gripping it tightly while his other hand remains loose in yours. 

You keep leading him then as he follows you up the stairs. Finally, You open the door to his room, and freeze in the doorway. A gasp catches in your throat. It's empty. The whole room. Not a mattress or a bedframe, no side tables or a dresser. It's all gone. There is one chest, a basket with some blankets, and one pillow. Jake stands close behind you, and you hear him audibly sigh into your ear. 

You take a deep breath to steady yourself and pull Jake through the room, leaving no room to address the issue and heading straight to the bathroom. You turn on the water for the bath and let the tub start filling. Turning to Jake and finally, let go of his hand. He looks lost at you, and you bring your hand up to lift his chin up a little higher. Jake takes your direction and those gorgeous sea-glass green eyes look at you. 

You tug at his shirt twice before he follows the movement and pulls it off. You step out of your own pants but otherwise stay clothed. Jake follows you sliding off his jeans. You go to Jake's bath chest still in place and grab a scent you think will be soothing, adding it to the bath. 

You reach to pull down his boxers, and he shakes his head in a small no. When you start to pull off your shirt, Jake's hands stop you there too. He gives you a pleading look, and you shrug back, leaving your shirt in place. You motion for Jake to get in the bath, and he wordlessly does as you say. Making room for you between his knees, Jake scoots until he hits the back of the tub. You step into the warm water and slide down to settle in.  

Jake's head falls forward so his forehead presses into the space where your shoulder and neck meet, taking deep breaths. You shudder, feeling the air of his breath against your neck. Jake's large hands are gripping the side of the bathtub hard. You are shocked that the feeling of the wet clothes sticking to your skin hasn't rocketed you out of the bathtub. But like it often is, it's hard to focus on anything that's not Jake when he is this close to you. 

After a while, when Jake lifts his head and leans back, you do as well, leaning into his chest, his arms slide around you, pulling you even closer, as you draw imaginary designs on one of his forearms. 

"What's it mean for us?" You finally ask him. 

"I'm worse than I was before," Jake says to you quietly. 

"Before me?" And that actually makes you want to cry because it sounds so true. Things certainly would have been less variable without you around in Jake's life. No one to throw him off his routines. And before him weren't you better able to protect your heart better than this? You had been calloused and strong before. Living with Jake and in this house has been like a fine grit sandpaper buffing you so now you only have smooth soft edges. 

Has that been the way it's been between the two of you this whole time, something bad that was disguised as good? You can't come up with an answer, and apparently, neither can he. So it sits there, wilting, rotting between the two of you.

The silence is loud and almost echoes in the bathroom, with no room to hide. You finally take one of Jake's hands in yours and play with his fingers. He seems content with this, relaxing even further into the water. One of his knees occasionally bumping into you playfully, as if you could forget that he was there, as if there were anything besides Jake on your radar. 

Then he is whispering your name against your neck, right behind your ear. Gooseflesh bursts across your skin, and his beard is coarse and scratchy against your sensitive skin not having been trimmed once since it started growing. You try to shift away but his lips follow you. Tired of the game you reach a hand behind you and fist it into Jake's long hair, tightly tugging his face away from your neck. Jake gasps in response. 

You drop your hand feeling like he has been sufficiently warned from the action, which you know would have descend into tickling. Jake grabs your wrist and turns it, and then ghosts his lips over your pulse point. After two more soft kisses there he presses three to your palm, and on each finger. Each press of his lips is intoxicating even in a place as insignificant as your hand. With your ring finger Jake's kisses are three times as long and lingering. It's an action that has you slamming your eyes closed to keep the tears from escaping. He finally releases your arm and you drop your hand back into the warm water. 

Something starts to thaw out there, in your chest. The combination of the physical warmth of the bath and Jake's blazing body heat. However, it is the feeling, the emotional warmth of it that makes the difference. You tremble slightly feeling completely overwhelmed, the idea of being anywhere else or trying to move is devastating to your system. 

"Sugar pie?"

"Yes, Jakobi?" You answer back just as quietly 

"We haven't been doing so good, have we?"

"No."

"Our mental health?"

"Positively dismal. We both probably need to be institutionalized." You tell him. Jake nods along, in understanding with your words. 

"Do you think I could convince them to let us be roomies there too?" 

"Not sure even you could swing that one, honey." You respond. Jake's eyes and whole face positively light up moments after you say the words. 

"Honey?"

You hum thinking it over before smiling and nodding, "Yup."

"But that's my nickname for you," Jake says in a pouting tone but the bright expression he is wearing hasn't dimmed. 

"Yeah, and sugar, darling, babycakes, anything related to pie—"

"I called you Huckleberry pie once and—"Jake protests but you barrel onwards cutting him off. 

"Well no more honey for you anymore. You use half the sweet names under the sun, I'm allowed to have one. And I think it's honey." You cup Jake's scratchy bearded cheeks and smile softly. "You're my honey, now." 

"Why honey?"

"Because you're so sweet."

"I'm not," Jake says brokenly, all playfulness having been sucked out of him. His head is heavy in your palm as he eases into your hold.

 "You're sweet," you repeat more firmly. Then continue, "Plus I can just imagine how snug and happy you would be in those honey combs."

"Hexagons are one of the superior shapes," Jake sighs.

"Sure they ar, and you are golden like honey." You run your fingers through Jake's hair again. He shutters hiding those sad green eyes from you.  

"I never knew just how blond the sun could make your hair," You sigh when you reach the end, scratching back up his scalp to repeat the process. You are turned fully to face him now, sloshing the water a bit to settle more comfortably. However Jake doesn't move, he seems almost as if he could be a statue made of glowing gold. 

"This tan also makes no sense," you tell him, trailing your hands over his shaped shoulders. 

He squints a single eye open at you, and you freeze as if you've been caught. Instead Jake's hand's pull your knees to settle on either side of his hips. Dragging you that much closer to him. It makes your breath hitch and Jake's eyes darken, however, he still leaves a bit of space. 

"One of my grandpas was Italian," Jake says with a quirk of his lips. The single eye he had opened closed as the smile melted off his face. Your hands resume their path, after massaging Jake's shoulders you knead his neck. Which just leads to playing with his hair again. Your train of thought was lost until you noticed a small light but fresh scar on the top of his bicep. You lean forward and  gloss your lips over the skin there. Jake's hand tightens where he is holding your thighs. He takes a careful breath in through his nose, and a long exhale. He follows that up with two more shallow but steady breaths and then just like that the tension releases from his body as he releases the air out.

"Where did you learn how to breathe like that, cowboy?" You ask him, letting your thumb continue to trace the strange new scar you have been examining. 

"Oh, so, I'm cowboy now?"

"Mr. Cowboy, my honey." You coo back. Jake's eyes flutter open again, he blinks slowly at you heavily lidded.  

"You are avoiding the question." You prompt him by raising an eyebrow. 

"It's not as bad as you're probably thinking," Jake answers a moment later. 

"I'm thinking, you did a whole summer of Vipassana, and meditation in some foreign country that made you have concerns about being that white guy(™)."  

As his lips lift in response to your joke, you think Jake's dimples are some of the prettiest things in this world. Suddenly, you find it unacceptable that his beard hides any part of them from your view. You see the hint of them but it's not the same you think as you trace the shape of one. Your left hand remains pressed over the new scar you had discovered. 

"We both know I could never do vipassana."

"I have evidence to the contrary," the words fall from your lips before you can stop them, and you regret them instantly. 

"Don't be mean to me," he begs you. In the same breath he speaks the words you are already halfway through saying, sorry.

"I'm working on leaving it I promise," You tell him.

"We don't have to leave it, we could talk about it." Jake suggests hopefully. 

"We are leaving it Jake," you say back sharply and he snaps his mouth shut chewing at the side of his cheek for a moment before responding. 

"Okay. I know I hurt you deep, and it's still fresh," Jake responds. His jaw clenches and you feel it jump.  

"So, it wasn't meditation? Is this going to be another riveting USNA story?" You ask him, steering the conversation back on a lighter track. 

"It was before Annapolis."

"Tell me more," you laugh, dropping your hold on his face, leaning forward and resting your check against his bicep.  

"You're going to laugh at me," he pouts.

"I find that an entirely likely probability," you answer teasingly. 

"I had to take friendship classes in middle school." 

"I'm sorry, you did what?" You ask Jake to repeat, trying to process this bit of information. 

"This other kid and I hated each other, and we were constantly getting into it. The worst part is we had lockers right next to each other. He accidentally hit me with his locker, and I lost it. So, I slammed his head right back and we started brawling. Anyways, long story short, our school counselor made us take friendship classes, and taught us breathing techniques. It was all bull shit, but we ended up being friends afterwards, bonding over how stupid friendship class was."

"At least you got some good breathing techniques." 

"Something like that," Jake laughs back. 

"What's this one then? It's new." you say ghosting your lips over the scar you had found again. Jake sighs, glancing at the scar himself. 

"You are going to be mad," he starts. 

"Why would I be mad, honey?"

"I got two more moles removed." The admission makes you pull back and give Jake a weary suspicious glare. 

"Have you not been wearing sunscreen again?"

"No, I've been wearing sunscreen ever since you told me about it, I promise. The Doc just asked about one of them and wanted to do a biopsy. So, I said he might as well just take them all off while he was at it."

"And?" 

"Everything came back benign. Nothing to really worry about, Sugar."

"I always worry about you, Jakers." You sigh with relief and kiss that scar again, enjoying the feeling of having your head pillowed on his arm. 

"I know, I'm sorry." Jake whispers back. You wish he had just left it as I know. 

"I don't want to make you worse, Jake."

"You don't make me worse. I am worse, no one has ever inspired me to act quite as selfishly as you have. I don't even know how to wholly be anymore without you." 

"I just want to make things better for you." 

Jake groans quietly, "Maybe someday it will finally click that you make everything better. That you are stunning, and gorgeous, and just over all the best." 

"We could clear cut a forest, and not find a single tree that's sappier than you Jake." It inspires a quirk of his lips but not the laugh you were hoping for.

"You are probably right," is all Jake says back, continuing to trace shapes into your skin. It's quiet for a long time as you two just exist together, coming down from the emotional turmoil of the night. 

Eventually, You ask, "Jake, where are you?" 

"I don't know. I don't know, Sugar," He sighs and tilts his head back letting out an exhausted breath. 

"Are you in the clouds?" You ask. He thinks before shaking his head no. 

"Are you on the ocean?"

He feels the water around him briefly then settles his hands on your skin again. "It doesn't appear so."

"Are you on base?"

"No." 

"So, where are you?"

"I know I'm here with you sugar, it just doesn't feel real." Jake answers. 

You examine him closely from his wet hair to the defined muscles of his shoulders and neck. How much muscle Jake gained deployment almost pushed him into a category you would describe as too buff, but not actually going over the edge. As you trace the shape of his face you can easily identify what one of the problems is. 

"You are being suffocated," you tell him as your fingers trace up his cheeks and around through his hair there.

"Why do you have a beard Jake?" You ask in a gentle curious tone. 

"I don't have to shave until I go back to work."

"You should shave sooner," You say encouragingly. 

"Too tired," Jake says, stretching out one of his legs in the water. 

"Do you want help?"

"You want to give me a shave, sugar?"

"I'd be willing to give it a go if you feel like it would help," you answer plainly. He thinks about it before nodding. 

"It would." 

That's all you need to hear before you are stepping out of the bath. Immediately you hate how the wet material of your shirt clings to your skin. So, you quickly rip it off and throw it into the shower. Jake groans behind you and you point a finger back at him while grabbing fresh towels and Jake's shaving kit from beside the sink.  

"It's nothing you haven't seen and you can control yourself," you chastise him. 

"But you are so fucking beautiful," Jake groans making absolutely no effort to hide the way his eyes trace over your body. 

"You were two minutes from falling asleep."

"That was before," Jake whines as you come back to the bath and he sees you in even more detail. 

You set the shaving kit to the side within easy reach and settle yourself back into the water. You sit so your bare chest is pressed against his. This makes Jake close his eyes throwing his head back  whispering a quiet "Fuck."

When his eyes open again, they are slightly dilated with lust. It makes you smile at him whispering, "hi there." 

"Hi," he breaths back.

"Hi," you say again, smiling wider. Jake can't stop himself from smiling as well, lips drawn upwards. His hands trace up your bare sides and you give him a small glare. Grabbing his chin you tilt his head back once more. 

"Yup, hold yourself just like that," You tell him, pausing to make sure he doesn't move. You start to lather up some shaving cream spreading it along this neck. 

"Have you shaved someone else before?" Jake questions. 

"Not really. So, you might want to give me pointers. I don't want to cut your pretty face." You answer with a teasing tone. 

Jake hums in acknowledgement thinking for a long moment. Then he starts to detail the intricate shaving ritual he normally keeps. You follow each one of the steps. It's a slow process, shaving him. You are worried that you will cut him or make some other mistake in the process. Jake isn't hesitant or shy about giving you sweet and gentle encouragement. 

Finally, Jake's face is free of hair again. You help wipe away the remaining product, and dab on the aftershave in his kit you brought over. Jake winces but gives you a tentative smile when you stare at him examining your work. You smile back softly, setting things down that are in your way, feeling relieved to be done. 

The two of you finish your bath before getting out and drying off. Wrapping a towel around yourself, you head back to your room changing and settling into bed. Jake follows not long after in a pair of comfy pants and a soft muscle shirt. He asks if he can join you in bed even though you already pulled the covers back while waiting for him. 

Jake takes a bit of shifting to get comfortable until he is laying on his side facing you, meeting your gaze as you shift to see him better. You lift a hand to cup his face enjoying the fresh smooth skin there. 

"Ah, there he is," you say with a soft sigh. The lines of Hangman's face are prominent and easy to follow again. A tear spills from Jake's eye and you push it away gently. Leaning forwards Jake angles his lips to barely brush over yours before he pulls back. 

"Please?" You ask him, going to follow his lips for more. 

"I don't think we should," Jake responds and snuggles his face into your neck to avoid the temptation of your lips. 

"But we fit. We fit perfectly," you whisper. 

"That's exactly the problem," Jake answers. "I won't do wrong by you again. And that means I don't want to rush anything. Are you in a hurry?"

"Does that have a timeline?" You ask, ignoring your frustration. 

"It does in a general sense."

"Care to share?"

"Sure," Jake mutters tiredly into your neck. "I think it's been going for a while. Right?"

"That's right," You answer, letting your hand drift into his long hair. It is almost all the way dry now and fluffy. He had a haircut scheduled before he started work again leaving you only a few days left to savor this. His eyes close, and a small smile graces his face. With a gentle scratch of your nails against his scalp a tiny whine tumbles out of him. Jake seems too tired to care anymore. His nose just nuzzles your neck, and he places a tiny kiss there. You sigh, and resume playing with the silky strands. 

"And how long before we have it all figured out, Honey?" You ask. 

"As I see it, the rest of our lives. So, give or take sixty-ish more years."

"We are making it the long haul huh?"

"Yes, Ma'am. We will, so there's absolutely no reason to start at a sprint." 

"I thought you had a need for speed." You tell him teasingly. 

Jake huffs into your neck, sucking in a deep breath he blows it out slowly tickling your skin. "I have a great comeback for that."

"Oh really?" 

He hums in affirmation. Then he sleepily manages to crack an eye open and looks at you, while he mumbles, "But I am a sleepy boy. Wait, no…  a sleepy man"

You chuckle and kiss Jake's forehead. "Goodnight, sleepy boy"

"Sleepy man," he tries to correct you, but the words are hardly coherent. It takes less than five minutes before Jake is fully asleep, and you aren't far off yourself. Jake is so warm, and itis so easy to match your breaths with his deep even ones. Falling into a dream where you spend sixty years with Jake, even there in your dream you realize that still might not be enough. 

… 

Read the rest of this chapter on AO3. Sorry again, Tumblr wouldn't let me put it all here (and that it's so long). My first reblog of this here on Tumblr has the other half as well.

[777rare]

ASTROLOGY OBSERVATIONS PT.6

THESE NOTES ARE ONLY A STUDY OF MINE AND HAS/HAS NOT BEEN PROVEN YET, SO IF IT DOES NOT RESONATE WITH YOU, FORGIVE ME AS IT WAS ONLY A STUDY/OBSERVATION OF MINE.

I DO NOT PLAGIARIZE, COPY OR REWORD ANY OF MY FELLOW ASTROLOGY OBSERVERS POSTS AND I DEMAND THE SAME IN RETURN

DO NOT READ FURTHUR IF YOU ARE A MINOR.

hiii, I am so sorry for not responding to any asks or being active here. I know I can't give any excuse but yes, I have been travelling a lot recently and I have only some time to check out some posts n all here. I'll make sure to respond to my loving readers asks so please be patient, I'm sorry. So yeah! I'm here now and I hope u enjoy!❤🙌🏻

kiss asteroid-venus (esp.conjunction, sextile) are such sensual, romantic kisses. They're amazing kissers. They can make anyone fall head over heels for them after just one kiss hahaha. They love love love hickeys, neck kisses so much (giving and receiving).💋👄💓

Angel asteroid in pisces/12th House/ in pisces degree(12°,24°) natives recieve guidance and messages from their angels intuitively, like through sudden thoughts, while daydreaming and visions. They also receive messages and guidance through their dreams while asleep and through meditation.👼😇🧘‍♀️👁🧿

Kiss asteroid in earth signs are the most sensual kissers. So damn- 😩🤒 godd. The most sexc kisses for real.🤌🏻🔥

I feel like kiss asteroid in Capricorn/aquarius gon have their first kiss a little late in their life or if they have had it early it would be unexpected or not so enjoyable. I don't know. Just guessing. Please let me know how this relates. Doesn't matter if it isn't true, I would be grateful for your interaction.❤😊

born asteroid aspecting 3+ personal planets natives are born to accomplish a lot of things in this birth. These natives become a lot of things in life like a singer, actor, dancer, politician, anything more. Example: Arnold Schwarzenegger has born asteroid aspecting mercury,venus,mars, jupiter and his born asteroid is conjunct mercury and venus. He became an actor(venus=art,drama,creativity), a bodybuilder(mars= muscles, stamina), a politician(mercury= wit,intelligence, communicator, messenger) he also came to be known by a lot of people in the world( jupiter= expander, worship, attention, luck). Minor aspects count as well! Never ignore minor aspects in any kind of observation as it is equally important too.☁️☀️💓

Transylvania asteroid aspecting ascendant natives suit the vampire/Dracula look. These guys look amazing when they put on fangs. A lot of people find these natives alluring yet scary. Like people be like "wow, brrrr"-😮😳😰

Check which sign/house jupiter is in your natal chart. Since jupiter expands immensely, that would be the vibes you give off the most. Ex: jupiter in fire sign or house give off vibes that project activeness, passion and even too much fire in their aura or anger at times. People may feel They are always angry or upset because they have this angry look or glare or even just a face of that sort.💥

Pars fortunae/part of fortune asteroid- venus(esp. Conjunct or sextile) natives can get lots of fortune if they do anything related to beauty, jewelery, clothing, fashion and all things related to venus. These natives can also have a lot of fortune because of their own beauty.💅🏻👄🙌🏻

Natives with sweet asteroid conjunct sun/moon/venus are honestly the most sweetest people alive. They're so so damn sweet and loving in nature. These natives are so sweet you could be diabetic after hearing them say something about you lmfao😩💓❤🤌🏻

asteroids mentioned: 13954,8267,11727,1537,11911

That's it for today, I know it's not much but im trying my best so I really hope you guys enjoyed!❤🫂 And again I will reply to all the asks and I'll be more active soon. Thankyou so much for your time, bye!❤🏝

[spaceagebachelormann]

Hiii, I just wanted to say that I f*ckinf ADORED AND LOVED that post about henry clerval, I don't usually see any people doing post about him nor other Frankenstein characters either,... However I was thinking Could you please do another post about henry clerval but this time as boyfriend headcanons, thanks in advance if you do so🥰🫣🫡

✧.* 𝐇𝐄𝐍𝐑𝐘 𝐂𝐋𝐄𝐑𝐕𝐀𝐋 𝐀𝐒 𝐀 𝐁𝐎𝐘𝐅𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐃

╰┈➤ MASTERLIST. NAVIGATION.

╰┈➤ CARMILLAS NOTES: RAAAAAAH henry clerval… save me henry clerval…

╰┈➤ WARNINGS: some spelling errors becaue i am TIRED

i went over in another thing how he’d ask you out so i don’t have to go over that thankfully

he might be the most sweetest boyfriend you could ever have

he brings you flowers almost every single week without fail and he even hand picks them himself and makes his own little thing to put them in and puts them in a vase for you

the second they start to wither he’s off to go find even more

if it’s the winter and he can’t bring you flowers instead he likes to cook for you

speaking of his cooking it’s literally amazing

he always somehow gets distracted and it’s still absolutely scrumptious

clerval cares for you far more than himself and would do positively anything for you

if you asked him to fight a dragon he’ll see in you a few months . give him a sword

god forbid you get sick while dating him because he is so worrisome

he’ll make you lay down and check you temperature more often than necessary and calls a doctor the second it’s even slightly too hot

like i said his cooking is godly so he makes you the best soup and if you don’t like soup he’ll make whatever (within reason) you want instead

he doesn’t really care about getting sick but he would prefer not to, so he stays in the room with you as often as he can

oh my god he’d take you on a minimum of three dates per week and ten per month (at the least)

he loves picnics the most because that’s how he confessed!! but unfortunately victor and elizabeth know where the spot is so they like to come annoy y’all

and occasionally william followed by justine who gives you guys an apology and drags him away (she lowkey found it funny)

also he’s like the biggest hand holder in existence

you could just be talking or sitting in silence or on one of your walks and his hands is always either touching yours in some way or holding it

and while your talking and he’s holding your hand he likes to just casually raise it and kiss it

if you’re shorter than him (i picture him around 5’10) he likes to just hug you and smooth down your hair and rest his chin on your head

and sleeping in the same bed as him is a wonderful nightmare

he has all the blankets and pillows in the world (if that’s what you like, if not he casually throws them off and makes sure you’re comfortable)

he drools and very lightly snores but not enough to wake you up or bother you at all

also be prepared for victor and elizabeth just casually showing up and/or spending the night every once in awhile

speaking of victor and elizabeth they would love you!

elizabeth will randomly steal you away from henry and take you shopping with her and to get lunch, occasionally joined by justine

victor doesn’t steal you away from henry but he does like talking to you because he thinks you’re very smart and will just yap to you for hours until he’s stopped

henry 100% does that thing where he puts his arm around the back of your chair at all times

standing or sitting his arm is around your chair no matter what

also he is such a gentleman !!

if you’re cold you WILL take his jacket and somehow he’s perfectly fine

has and always will pull out your chair

and of course he’d hold the door and bring you flowers every other day

when you start dating him there’s a subtle change in the way he treats you vs some of the other people in his life

not in a bad way and not many people notice but like

normally he’d pull every persons chair out for them out of pure kindness, but when you start dating he’ll only pull out yours and he sure to always be sitting next to you

and hes not as physically affectionate with anyone else but you anymore and less enthusiastic with most compliments

but when its you everything is like increased by 10x he could go on about you for hours and he doesn’t even need someone to listen

you honestly don’t even have to go on proper dates with him

you can just stay inside and talk for hours and hes perfectly okay with it ! he just loves spending time with you <3

[fanaticsnail]

Aaa, Yandere Doffy ordering all the pink & red roses for Reader, MY HEART 🥹🥹❤️❤️How can we not love this crazy but devoted man? 🩷🩷

Also, thank you for writing for Rosinante, he deserves all the love. Now I'm curious about that fic! AAAAAA! If Lami was still alive, she'd love Cora-san. Rosinante and Lami would just be the sweetest while Law and Doflamingo stand there feeling awkward as older brothers 😂

I'm glad you liked the wedding idea. The guests would all have to wear pink, while only Doflamingo & Reader wear white. No way is there not a flamingo-themed wedding cake. There totally is. And the carpet is pink, too.

Following the little Law, imagine how Minion Island will be...

After killing Rosinante (Rosinante 😭😭) Yandere Doffy gets word of Tsuru approaching he tells everyone to haul ass back to the ship because you're on the ship, and the warship is incoming and this man just takes flight on his strings to get to the ship quicker and drops the chest (in which Law is) with a thump on the ground that the chest judders and flips over, unlocking itself, and Law falls out but Doflamingo doesn't see him scrambling in the snow cus the baby boy is so small and because Doflamingo is leaping to the ship and putting up Spiderwebs all around to protect you.

He didn't get the Op-Op fruit. He didn't get Law. His own brother betrayed him. You're the only person he has left that he loves and he won't lose you. He is about to fly to intercept Tsuru's ship and destroy it, but his crew arrives - about time! - and they set sail in time and get away while cannonfire fills his ears. (And mutes Law's now audible cries of sadness because Cora-san is gone)

After they shake Tsuru off, Doflamingo rushes down to the lower deck to check on you.

And then you ask where are Law and Corazon.

Good luck, Doffy. You're sleeping on the couch for a year if you're lucky 😂

Also, yes to little Law pulling out a binder and writing down Reader's symptoms. There are definitely tender touches Doffy gives Reader in the night when nobody watches, I like to think. I wonder if Rosinante reveals himself to Reader and offers to take her too, but she grabs him by the collar and tells him very firmly, "Save Law, Corazon. You make sure you cure him. Law is the most important thing. Law needs to live. Make sure Law lives."

And Rosinante nods.

In the end, Rosinante made sure to keep his promise.

To end on a wholesome note...

I like to think Yandere Doffy carries you in his arms and takes flight over Dressrosa so you get some fresh air. Can't always stay in your bedroom, you need to move your limbs a bit regardless of being sick, and the doctor said it was okay as long as you don't strain yourself. When he flies with the sun on his face, carrying you in one arm while the other handles the strings, the wind ruffling his hair, his body heat embracing you... And then he notices you staring up at him and he smiles down at you, a genuine smile the King of Dressrosa gives no one but you, his wife.

Doflamingo makes sure his feather coat is wrapped around you to keep the chill of the breeze in the sky away.

Yandere Doffy train continues driving. 🦩🦩

Why must you hurt me like this with the dialogue?

You: "Corazon? Where is Corazon? That is why we came here, yes? Where is my brother in law?"

Doflamingo: broody silence

You: "What are you not telling me? What-... What are you saying?"

Doflamingo: removes his glasses and hangs his head

You: "What-.... What have you done?"

Doflamingo: "What I had to."

You: heart catching in your throat, hands clasped around your mouth and violently shaking your head

You: "Not... Not him. Not him."

ANYWAY THAT'S JUST ME. HOW WE ALL DOING?

Lami would love Rosi, no doubt in my mind. Law's life would be so different if she lived, same with his folks.

[wwinterwitch]

middle ground — moon boys x fem!reader

summary: you had the pleasure of meeting jake a while back and you can't deny he's...interesting (part one here)

pairing: marc spector x fem!reader, steven grant x fem!reader, jake lockley x fem!reader

word count: 6.3k

warnings: SMUT (18+ MINORS DNI), dom/sub dynamic, fluff, dom!marc, sub!steven, dom!jake, established relationship (with marc and steven), dirty talk, grinding, oral (m and f receiving), face sitting, p in v sex, unprotected sex (don't do this!), riding, pegging, various kinks (daddy/mommy, hair pulling, choking).

note: part 1 is not really a requirement before reading this one but since I wrote this thinking of it as a part 2 maybe you'd like to read that one as well

a reblog and/or comment on my posts really help me out as a content creator so thank you in advance if you take the time to do either!

navigation | marvel masterlist

You just recently had the pleasure of meeting Jake Lockley for the first time. You already knew he existed, but never got the chance to actually be around him. At first, you absolutely hated the guy. He was nothing like your two boyfriends. He was mean, hostile, and cold. Whenever he was around, you would pretty much try your best to stay as far away from him as possible and not talk to him at all. You were certain that, if you decided to talk to him, he most likely won't have anything nice to say.

But during the last few weeks things have begun to change between you two. He was still talking like he didn't care about you in the slightest, but when you eventually stopped paying attention to the words coming out of your mouth, you started to notice the way he was acting.

Not talking to him actually gave you a whole lot of time to observe him. It was hard for you to ignore the silent glances around the apartment. How he would stay that extra second close to you whenever the two of you would bump into each other when one is trying to leave the room and the other wants to enter it. How he eyes you up and down whenever he thinks you're not looking.

It has become clear to you that, even when he tries to act like he doesn't care about you, he does. It's clear he wants you. And sure, you thought he was the meanest guy ever, but you couldn't deny that deep down you were enjoying having his silent devotion.

It's fun to know you've made quite the impression on him when he used to present himself as this unreachable guy, too busy with other things to care about his love life.

Still, you're not quite sure what to do about it. It's not like you're not worried about Steven and Marc because you know they'll be okay about it if you talk to them, but it's still...unexpected. They know you're having a difficult time warming up to Jake, so to go to this so quickly will be a bit strange for them to hear. Would Jake even act on it? Would you? It was all too confusing.

Even when you try not to think about it, Jake is always at the back of your mind. It's confusing because you don't know what or how to feel towards him. It's infuriating because he insists on acting like you don't matter to him when his body language tells a completely different story. And it's also extremely frustrating because you have absolutely no idea what to do or say anymore when it comes to Jake.

It was almost embarrassing to admit you were glad he hadn't shown up today. Marc had breakfast with you this morning and around lunch time Steven gave you a call to check how you were doing. Now that you're back home, Steven was fronting.

And perhaps Steven noticed your inner struggle at that very moment because he walked away from the food he was making to sit next to you, immediately grabbing your hand and giving you the sweetest of smiles. "You okay there, love?"

"Yeah, of course," you reassured him.

"You know you can talk to me."

"Honestly, if we go there we'll be talking for a while and I don't want dinner to be ruined."

"That– no, it can wait," he quickly replied, standing up to check everything before sitting back down. "We have time. Don't worry."

You considered whether to tell him or not one last time before leaning back on your chair, Steven waiting for you to tell him whatever was on your mind. That has got to be Steven's biggest talent. He can read you like no other person has ever been able to. Of course he'll notice something was wrong.

"It's...Jake."

"What did he do now?" he asks, frowning with worry.

"Well, that's actually the problem," you say sarcastically, but of course Steven didn't understand what you meant by that. "Look, I think I might– potentially..."

Steven looked as lost as ever. "...yes?"

"Steven," you muttered, a bit shy to confess what was going on.

"What? I don't– Oh...oh! I see," he chuckles a bit. "Well, this is news to me. How did this even happen?"

"Nothing has happened. Nothing will happen. I just...I need time to see where it goes. I might just have mixed feelings or something."

"Well, he does look like your boyfriends," he comments jokingly, letting out a quick chuckle. "Listen, I think it's great. No need to rush things. You have all the time in the world to get to know him a bit more to figure out what those feelings mean."

"I guess. He scares me a lot, though."

"I'm sure you can handle it," he says reassuringly, leaning closer to you for a quick kiss before he has to stand up again. "Have you told Marc yet?"

"No, but I will. I just wasn't counting on you asking."

"I'm offended. How could you possibly think I wouldn't notice something was wrong?"

You roll your eyes at his comment, failing to hold back a giggle. "I know, I know," was your reply as you stood up from your chair, walking towards Steven.

He was by the stove cooking. He got back from the museum carrying a bunch of groceries and saying he wanted to cook for you tonight, despite cooking not being his strongest suit. Still, he loved spoiling you in different ways and you appreciated the gesture.

You couldn't hide your smile as you wrapped your arms around him from behind, noticing the way he kept glancing at the cooking book next to him while he continued to stir the food in the pan.

"Everything looks good," you say as a way to calm him down. He was always a bit stressed out when he decided to cook something, afraid he's going to mess it up.

"Thanks, love," Steven replied. "I don't know how Marc does this so easily. Cooking is positively stressful!"

"The fact that you still offer to cook dinner for me despite it being difficult already means the world to me, Steven," you say reassuringly, gently kissing his cheek. "I should be the one thanking you."

"Yes. Me not burning the flat down is something to be grateful for, 'innit?" he remarks, making you laugh again.

—

Marc was fronting when it was time to go to bed. You got out of the bathroom just in time to see him get under the covers to wait for you. As soon as you join him, he wraps his arms around you and leaves a kiss on your forehead.

"How was your day?" he asks right after the kiss.

Cuddles and night talks are a must before going to bed with Marc. You could stay hours talking and he'll stay hours listening. He wasn't much of a talker after all, so he always enjoyed hearing about what you have to say. Still, he has learned it's safe to open up to you, so it wouldn't be weird that some nights it's you the one hearing him talk until he's falling asleep in your arms.

"Pretty good, actually," you replied. "It was a co-worker's birthday today so I had cake after lunch. That was fun."

"Important detail you forgot to mention," he does a quick pause as you wait for him to continue. "Flavor."

"Chocolate fudge."

"Good choice," he nodded. "Was it good?"

"It was incredible. We should get one from that same bakery to surprise Steven– oh, and speaking of Steven, we had a pretty interesting chat when he got back from work."

"Yeah?"

You nodded. "I want to ask you something." He looked confused as he waited to hear whatever you wanted to ask him. "It's about Jake."

"What about Jake?" he asked, still looking confused. You stared at him for a few seconds until it finally hit him. "Really?"

"Maybe?" you say nervously.

"I mean, that's a new one. I thought you two didn't get along?"

"It's not like we don't get along. We just don't talk that much, and...I don't know, I was thinking maybe–"

"Hey," Marc quickly cuts you off, grabbing one of your hands in his. "I appreciate you telling me this, but you really don't have to explain yourself. Whatever you want to do, I'm okay with it. I just want to see you happy."

"I am very happy," you reply, snuggling closer to him. Of course Marc didn't complain, holding you close to his body. "And I'm incredibly lucky to have you."

"Oh, is that so? I would love to hear more about it," Marc comments jokingly.

"Or I can just show you."

"That sounds much better."

You giggle after his last comment, managing to climb on top of him with ease. Marc's hands rest on each of your hips as you lean down to kiss him, body fully pressed against his. It didn't take long for the kiss to deepen, tongues meeting as you slowly began rocking your hips on top of him. You can feel his grip tightening with each movement, starting to feel his erection growing underneath you while you continue to make out and grind against him.

Eventually, you pull away and sit up, adjusting yourself on top of him so you could move just a little faster, enjoying the way he would look down to see the spot where you're rubbing against him, eyes dark with desire.

"I want you in my mouth, Marc," you say. "Please?"

"Get on your knees, darling," he says in a rushed voice, feeling impatient already.

You quickly do as told, waiting for him. Marc stood up from the bed to remove his boxers, standing at the edge of the bed where you were patiently waiting to taste him. It was only when he grabbed your chin to force you to look up, capturing your lips in his, that you finally touched him. His audible reaction to your hand stroking him was completely muffled by your mouth as you two continued to kiss.

Marc eventually pulls away from you, so you quickly focus back on his cock. After stroking him a few more times, you waste no time before putting him inside your mouth. You look up just in time to catch his reaction, feeling insanely proud of yourself for being able to make him look like that when you're pleasing him. One of his hands is messily grabbing your hair as you continue bobbing your head, looking up at him at all times.

"Making me feel so fucking good," he praises. "Keep going just like that, baby...don't you fucking dare to stop."

You continued moving your head up and down, tongue swirling around his cock in the process. Despite feeling the saliva coating your chin and the burning sensation of tears, it never crossed your mind to stop or slow down. The speed of it was a little too much for your body to handle, but you didn't care in the slightest. If anything, it made it that much better. You didn't care about your throat hurting, or the tears rolling down your cheeks and the drool on your chin. All you really want is to make Marc cum. Whatever it takes, you need to feel him cum in your mouth.

You'd eventually take him out of your mouth so you could lick him instead, tracing all across the vein visible from near the base of his cock and up the length of him. Pre-cum coated your tongue as you focus on the tip, using your hand to stroke him in the meantime before putting him back in your mouth, starting to form a pattern he clearly seemed to enjoy.

As you were switching the ways you'd play with him, he held onto your hair and used that to guide your head, his hips meeting you halfway. A series of moans would leave his mouth, his sounds being intoxicating, making you crave his release that much more.

"You're doing so good...'gonna make me cum so hard inside that pretty mouth of yours..." he continues. "You're gonna swallow everything I give you like the good girl you are? Fuck, you look so pretty with my cock in your mouth."

You had no other option but to rub your legs together after his comment. The fact that he could sound so sweet while saying the filthiest things drove you completely insane. And the way he makes you feel so loved and cared for when he's roughly fucking your mouth? Oh, that's just a few of the many things you love about Marc Spector.

His sounds are becoming louder, occasional praises and curses would slip past his lips in between moans as he's reaching his orgasm. You tease his tip with your tongue one last time before he's practically shoving his cock down your throat, a series of grunts escaping his lips as his cum leaks inside your mouth.

Your movements slowed just enough to let him climb down from his climax, making sure to swallow everything he's giving you. It's hard not to rub your legs together again at the scene in front of you right now: Marc staring down at you, brows slightly furrowed and his lips parted as he continues panting, hair messy from all the times he ran his fingers through it while you continued to suck him off. He looked completely satisfied by your work and you couldn't be more proud of yourself because, again, you are the reason he looks like this.

Marc barely gives you any time to contemplate him after he orgasmed, kissing you again just as intensely as before, tasting himself on your lips, which inevitably encouraged him to kiss you even more passionately– if that was even possible at this point.

His lips move from yours to your jaw, trailing down to your neck. He never lets go of you, not even when you're gently moving back to lay on the bed, him immediately mimicking your movements so he could still be kissing your neck while positioning on top of you. A moan escaped your lips when you felt his tongue trace across the skin there.

"Is it okay if Steven has his fun with you now?" he asked in between kisses. "I'm sure you won't hear the end of it if he knows we left him out," he added as a little joke, which immediately made you giggle at the thought of Steven's pouting and complaining you guys didn't include him.

All you could do besides laughing at his comment was nodding, enjoying the way he continued to kiss all over the sensitive skin of your neck and gripping your sides with his hands to keep you still underneath him. It only took a few seconds before Steven was fronting, pulling back from your neck so he could look at you.

"Well, hello," he says a bit shyly, realizing he's completely naked and topping you.

You smile at him, your hand cupping his face affectionately as you recognize him. "Hi," you replied.

He leans into your touch, eyes trailing down your body until he was met with one of their shirts, quickly looking back up. "Should we– can we take this off?"

You knew with Steven you'd always be in charge no matter what. Unlike Marc, Steven absolutely adores following your every instruction while you two have sex. He enjoys being told what to do, wanting to please you in any way he could.

"Now, where did your manners go, Stevie?" you asked back, smirking when you saw Steven's mortified gaze as he quickly panics.

"Please," he says almost too quickly. "Sorry. Can we please take this off?" Steven added shortly after, looking like a sad little puppy that knew exactly what he did was wrong. He's just too cute to handle.

"Don't look so frightened, baby. I just wanted to remind you to be nice."

"I know. I'm just...ashamed."

"It's okay," you reassure him in a soft voice, pulling him closer for a kiss he immediately returned. It didn't last that long though, as you pulled away shortly after. "Of course you can take my clothes off."

Steven's eyes light up with excitement after you allow him to undress you. He quickly got rid of the shirt you were wearing, his eyes immediately landing on your breasts. He looked up at you first, his eyes so innocent and gentle you swore he was doing that on purpose. Your fingers tangle in his hair as you gently pull him towards your chest, hinting he could do whatever he wanted.

His mouth practically waters at the sight in front of him, his tongue tracing circles around your nipple before capturing it with his mouth while his hand makes sure the other is being taken care of too, gently massaging it and occasionally teasing your nipple with his thumb in sync with the way his tongue would tease the other.

Moans leave your mouth as you hold onto his hair. You could feel yourself getting even more wet at the feeling of his mouth and hands worshiping your breasts with a devotion only Steven could bring you. It was like he was in a complete trance, enjoying every second of it, so thankful that you allowed him to play with your tits in any way he wanted.

Your hand sneaks underneath your underwear to attend to the ache in between your legs, starting to rub your clit while Steven continued. As soon as he noticed you were masturbating, he pulled away from your chest. "Can I help you with that? Please, mommy?"

Fuck. You love when he calls you that.

"Mmh, you want to help mommy, baby?"

Steven nods eagerly, his puppy-like eyes shining brighter than ever at the possibility that lies ahead of him. "Y-yes, please!"

"So eager," you tease. Steven instantly felt embarrassed, but he loved it. "How about...I ride your gorgeous face until your mouth makes me cum?"

Steven looked like he just got offered the most amazing treat ever, almost as if his biggest wish had come true at that very instant. If he could, he'll be thanking you for hours after this.

He moved back from your body to give you enough space to stand up, him quickly laying on the side of the bed to wait for you. It was impossible not to smirk when you noticed how excited he was about this.

With your legs at each side of his face, you began to sink down closer to his face. You practically gasped when his tongue was finally in contact with your folds, tasting every inch of you he could possibly reach.

Your hips rock slowly, allowing you to treasure every second of his tongue against you, his nose occasionally hitting your clit. It was evident from the way his arm wrapped around you that he didn't care that you suffocated him in that very moment.

The rhythm increased, Steven making sure to suck on your clit and tease your entrance whenever he got the chance. He's determined to be messy, apparently. That would explain why he's being so loud while eating you out. You bet his face is covered in the mixture of your juices and his saliva too. He's making a complete mess underneath you, which only helped to turn you on even more.

"Feels so fucking good," you moaned, looking down at him with a big grin on your face. "It's a shame you can't look at yourself now, darling. It's like you were meant to be underneath me...so pretty, Stevie...so pretty..."

Steven's eyes soften, looking up at you, almost pleading with you before he increases the speed of his mouth, starting a vicious attack on your pussy as you continue to grind your hips.

One of your hands grabs his hair, fingers tangling in it to roughly pull his hair. The gesture makes his dick twitch, moans significantly louder as they vibrate against your core sach time you pull.

"You're making mommy feel so good," you praise once again. It was evident Steven was enjoying your words just by looking at his eyes. "You're– oh, fuck! Right there, keep– keep your tongue out just like that, baby boy," you instructed.

Steven does as told, sticking his tongue out and holding still while you grind against it as fast as you possibly could, your eyes closing shut as your moaning increases.

You were barely able to hold onto the headboard of the bed as you cum all over Steven's face. He begins to lap at your folds viciously, drinking you up like a thirsty man. He lets you take your time until you're ready to climb off him.

As soon as you're standing up you're connecting your lips with his, tasting you on his lips and feeling how wet his chin and cheeks are as you begin to make out. His hands rest at your back, pulling you impossibly closer to his chest as he's kissing you back, the honesty and vulnerability of his kiss making your head spin.

You're so wet already, it's no problem for you to grind against him. Your hand travels down to straighten his erect cock against his stomach, allowing you to move up and down the length, repeating the movement a few times just to see him practically tremble beneath you.

"You want to be inside me already, don't you?" you ask, smirking when you notice his reaction to you speaking to him.

"Please," he mutters desperately. "Don't get me wrong, love. You feel amazing while you're grinding against me, but I need to be buried deep inside mommy's pretty cunt now."

You practically moaned after his statement. "Such a filthy mouth."

"I know how much you like it when I talk like that," he replies innocently. "I just want to be good."

"And you are," you agree with him, catching the excitement in his eyes when he feels your hand wrapping around his cock, helping to align himself with your entrance. "Such a good– perfect," you add as you're slowly sinking down, Steve's gaze mesmerized as he contemplates every inch disappearing inside of you, "little boy."

"You're so tight..." he groans.

You stay still on top of him for a second. "Feel it, Stevie. I won't move so you can feel how deep you are...filling me up so good."

"That– that feels so fucking good," he let out, visibly desperate. "It feels fantastic but I need you to move, love. Please?"

His breath got caught in his throat when you lean down so your face could be closer to his own, the movement making you shift just slightly, causing some friction Steven highly needed at that moment. "Want me to move, darling? You so badly want it you could beg for it?"

"Y-yes, mommy. I'll do anything...I'll– shit," he rambles, interrupted by the way you suddenly began riding him, hands instantly placed at each hip. "You feels so good..."

He's already a complete mess underneath you, his hands squeezing your ass as he tries to speed up your already quick moves. It's evident by the way he looks back into your eyes the second your hand wraps around his neck that he's enjoying this just ten times more now that you began choking him.

Steven made sure to grab your ass at all times, trying his best to practically make you jump on top of his cock. You continued to choke him, praises eventually falling from your lips before he returned your kind words with a slightly louder grunt.

Your movements didn't slow down, continuing to ride him at a speed that had both of you a mumbling mess. The way he kept sliding in and out of you with such ease, your juices coating his cock, the wet sounds caused by your moves and the sound of your skin crashing against his...it was all too good to handle. Not to mention the way his cock would repeatedly hit that sweet spot inside of you, or the faces he would make as you ride him.

Steven looks entirely at your mercy. Like a poor man who has absolutely nothing to offer but his undying fidelity, swearing he'll stay by your side and worship the ground you walk upon. All that, he's willing to do for you if you continue to jump up and down his cock. If you cum on top of him right now, he's entirely yours forever.

A series of pleas would leave his mouth, practically imploring you to cum as hard as you possibly can. His words are having the desired effect as you cry his name out loud, eyes shut and the grip around his neck tightening just enough. It was evident you'll cum in no time.

"Please give it to me," he continued relentlessly, eyes almost watering as he looked at you with the biggest puppy eyes. "I need to feel that tight cunt all around me when you cum. Fuck– please mommy, haven't I been good to you?"

You almost wanted to punch him because this was definitely too much to handle all at once. "So good," was all you were able to say. "My best boy, about to make me cum so...so fucking hard, I–" you mumbled right before you lost it, your sentence cutting off short as your eyes roll to the back of your head before you're screaming out in pleasure.

Your orgasm hits you hard, back completely arched as you try to stay as still as possible, each sudden move making you shudder as you climb off the high of it all. Just when your senses were coming back, you could feel the last few twitches of his cock inside you, as he came just seconds after you did.

Steven didn't want you to move at first, his cock still buried deep inside you while you collapsed on top of him, your body as sweaty as him. You feel him kiss the top of your neck by the time one of his hands begins softly moving up and down your spine, the contact making you feel goosebumps.

"Are you okay, love?" he asks gently, wanting to make sure you had enjoyed what just happened just as much as he did.

"I feel incredible," you reply, making him chuckle.

"Good. That's good," he mutters. "You want to sleep now? Can I get you anything?"

"Sleep sounds nice."

Steven nodded, finally allowing you to roll over so you could lay on the bed next to him. Almost immediately, his arms wrap around you as he's kissing your head again, this time making sure to give you a quick kiss on the lips before pulling away entirely.

"Goodnight, love."

"Goodnight, Stevie."

—

"Looks like someone had fun," you hear as soon as you're fully awake, head turning towards the bathroom door. Jake was looking at you while you were still laying in bed. Instantly, your hands grab the sheets to cover your body as much as possible. "Relax, I wasn't looking."

Yeah, right.

You didn't say anything back to him and he didn't stand there waiting for a reply. Instead, Jake walked towards the wardrobe to look for a jacket, his back facing you now. As you laid there, only a pair of sheets separating your naked body from him, something took over you as you kept staring at him.

Maybe it was your previous night with the boys still clouding your mind. Maybe you're still thinking about all that happened, you can't help but wonder how it would feel to do all of that with Jake.

Would he be tougher than Marc? Is it all just a facade and he's actually an even sweeter lover than Steven? Is he a mixture of them or nothing like them at all? It was both intriguing and exciting to think about.

Oh, how you'd love to rip that shirt apart, kiss all over his neck, have your legs wrapped around him, scratch that gorgeous back of his...hell, you'd like to know how it is to fuck Jake Lockley.

And perhaps it was finally time to do something about it. If he's not going to make a move, it's up to you to do something. Otherwise, you fear you might never get a chance to drop that bomb in the middle of a conversation with him.

"You could've joined us," you say, much to yours and Jake's surprise. Despite not seeing his face, it was evident from his body language that the comment had an effect on him.

Turning to face you, he asked, "What?"

"You can join...if you want to," you insist. "None of us mind."

"Oh, nice to know none of you care," Jake remarks ironically.

"No, it's not– I didn't mean it like that," you quickly explain, embarrassed. "I want you to join us."

Jake was quiet– quieter than usual, if that was even possible. It felt like ages. He was staring at you without saying a word and you didn't know exactly what to do. Is he going to do something? The uncertainty of the moment had you almost regretting ever opening your mouth, not knowing if Jake is about to join you, reject you, or reject you and humiliate you.

You still don't know what the fuck you're doing as you pull down the sheets to uncover your naked body. His eyes immediately travel down your body, admiring every inch of skin that was appearing from underneath the sheets. You notice his inner struggle, debating on what to do next.

He eventually walks to the edge of the bed you're laying in, and you feel completely defenseless when you watch him climb onto it, movements impossibly slow as if he was waiting for you to tell him to stop. The eye contact was making you nervous, his stare so intense you felt like he was staring at your soul.

It happened in an instant. One second he was looking– staring deeply into your eyes. The next, he's hungrily devouring your mouth, his tongue passing past your lips. One hand holds your side tightly, the other cups one of your tits, the roughness of his kiss matching the way he starts massaging it.

You moan into his mouth as you hold onto him, quickly tugging at his shirt so he can take it off. He understood your gesture, moving away from you just so he could take that piece of clothing off, throwing it to the floor.

"I've been waiting so long for this," he confesses in a rushed voice, lips capturing yours again just as fiercely. "I'm going to take my sweet time with you, hermosa."

You manage to move the sheet off your body completely before unbuckling his belt. Jake helps you with getting rid of his pants in no time. Both of you let out a sound of pure ecstasy and pleasure when he rocked his hips down, his still clothed erection rubbing against your pussy.  The sound that came out of you was enough to let the other know how badly you wanted this moment to arrive.

"Ah, fuck!" you let out as he begins rubbing himself on you, your juices coating his boxers.

"Bet you'd love to feel my cock rubbing your clit without these on," he says, never breaking eye contact. You nodded eagerly, licking your lips. "Want me to masturbate you with my cock?"

"Please..." you gasp.

Jake doesn't keep you waiting. Instead, he takes his boxers off in a rushed move, kneeling on the bed. You open your legs wider for him, watching as he grabs his cock before his tip starts rubbing your clit. The scene was so erotic, so hot, you could barely keep it together.

His cock moves up and down your folds, staying an extra time teasing your clit. "Pleasure yourself with it, doll," he instructed. A series of moans continue to leave your mouth as you begin moving your hips like your life depended on it, him standing still while you rub on his tip. "Good girl. Juuust like that."

"Feels so good, Jake," you let out in between moans.

"I know it does," he says in the sweetest voice you've ever heard coming from him. His tone alone was enough to drive you even more insane...if that was even possible at this point. "I wonder, can you do something for me?"

"Yes, yes! Anything."

"How about you use that strap-on you like to use with Steven so much to fuck me?" Jake proposes, smirking when he sees your reaction. "Fuck my ass nice and hard, princesa. Can you do that for me?"

The proposition alone would've been enough to make you cum. Your head was spinning still, even after Jake moved away from you, but you managed to get your strap on while he patiently waited for you.

When you're back on the bed, you don't know exactly what to do at first. You're the one about to fuck Jake, but still needed him to give you all the instructions. Somehow he was still very much in control, and you didn't care in the slightest. You enjoyed knowing he'll guide you through it so you can fuck him exactly the way he needs you to.

He smiles at you when you join him again, starting to gently stroke your cock before he gets on all fours to put it inside his mouth. You run a hand through his hair as he sucks on it, using his saliva to lubricate it before you can fuck him.

"You look so pretty," you compliment him, which only encourages him to continue sucking you more eagerly.

Jake stops what he was doing, capturing your lips in a quick yet passionate kiss before he gets on his back, legs open for you to position yourself in between them. He takes his legs up and close to his body, knees resting close to his chest so he can give you a better access to his ass.

"Make sure to look at me with those pretty eyes of yours at all times, you got it? Don't you dare look away from me, doll."

You nod at his instruction, using your hand to help you guide your purple-colored dildo so it could align with Jake's entrance. As soon as you pressed the tip against his hole, he grabs your ass and forces you in almost immediately, a loud moan escaping his lips as you stare at him.

"Fuck me as hard as you possibly can," he instructs further. "Make me a fucking mess with your cock."

You moan in response, beggining to fuck him as fast as this position allowed you to. Jake's body was practically pressed to yours as you made sure not to break eye contact. The intimacy of the moment encouraged you to slow down just a little, needing to truly enjoy the moment with Jake for at least just a second before you resumed the fast rhythm like he ordered before.

Jake responds beautifully to your body. His moans increased with each few movements of your hips. His hands would squeeze your ass and occasionally spank it to encourage you to continue. His cheeks were flushed and his body tensed underneath you as he's getting closer. Overall, you could just tell he's enjoying the way you continue to fuck the living shit out of him.

At one point he's grabbing a fistful of your hair, the roughness of it making you tilt your head just slightly, but made sure to keep eye contact no matter what. You whine as he's still pulling your hair, hips still rocking down with as much force and speed as you could create.

"You're doing great, princesa," he grunts. "Such a good little girl for me, fucking my ass exactly the way I ordered."

"Are– Are you close?"

"Mmhm, yeah. I'm so close. Your cock feels so good, I'd let you fuck me all day if I could," he pants in between moans. "Keep going, baby. Keep fucking going."

Sweat coats your body as you do as told, not wanting to slow down now. You moved just slightly as you desperately wanted to kiss him, and he immediately understood what you wanted. His head falls back into the pillow as soon as the kiss is over, letting out the longest and loudest moan yet as he's reaching his orgasm.

You slow down your movements with each thrust before pulling out of him entirely. His legs fall back to the bed, visibly exhausted now as he tries to catch his breath.

The ropes of cum adorning his belly get your attention almost immediately, wasting no time to clean him off using your tongue. After you are down, you look up at him to catch him already looking at you.

Jake stares at you for a few seconds before a hand moves to the back of your neck to pull you close, giving you a gentle yet passionate kiss before he's pulling away so he could contemplate you a little more. He's been doing that in silence for months now, why should he stop now?

"Good luck getting rid of me now," Jake says in a soft whisper, examining your face as he speaks. "People say I am quite intense...and kind of a handful."

You chuckle at his little joke before shaking your head. "I have no problem with that. Bother me all you want."

He smiles. The type of smile you never thought you'd see on Jake's face. "Good. I intend to."

[seumyo]

OMGGG CONGRATS ON 1K EUMY MY LOVE!!! im beyond words that describe happy for u ur such a sweetheart u deserve it sm<3 I SAW THE SCRAPBOOKS POST AND ID LOVE A SHOTO TODOROKI ONE!!!! 💗

im an enfp so im a loud extrovert, and i try to make sure ppl dont feel awkward or embarrassed around me bc im 10x worse HAHA 😭 i have insane attachment issues like i was crying so hard when my friend ignored me for a day. big lover with big emotions, hopefully that counts as an emotional intelligent person hehe<3

i am also a complete art kid and i never stop drawing, im also in choir and stage band so im basically all of the above (except sports. does watching haikyuu count?🤔) HAHAHAHA

id love a little description about our dynamic or something!!🥹 and be free w ur colour palette and do what u think deems best 🗣️!!! a song would be velvet ring by big thief, one of my favs rn<3

THANK USM EUMY UR THE SWEETEST AND ONCE AGAIN CONGRATUALTIONS ON THAT DESERVED 1K!!!

ᯓ★ SHOTO + SAKU!

★ Todoroki Shouto hated did not like you at first. The first time you two met in U.A., not once did he glance in your direction. Don’t take it too personally, he’s battling inner turmoil stemming from his complicated family life and upbringing.

★ Skipping to when he does warm up to the rest of the class, he still keeps his distance from them as he tries to test the waters. Now, you, dear Saku, are the first to invite him to have lunch together via the crumpled paper you left on his desk during free period (he almost threw it in the trash, but he telephatically felt your distress thought it might contain something important, so he decided to read it). He accepts, of course.

★ Lunch together was awkward, but Todoroki appreciates your effort to fill in his shortcomings in the conversation. So to say, he just listens to you while you ramble about anything and everything.

★ When he gets home that night, he definitely tells Fuyumi that someone invited him to eat together at lunch, and that it was nice. He doesn’t realize that he kept your note neatly folded in his wallet.

★ Do you know the concept of personal space? Todoroki does not. Whenever you’re doing something, whether it’s doodling or writing notes, he will peer over and check whatever it is that you’re doing. Completely unaware that he, too, has attachment issues (trust).

★ “Am I too close? I’m sorry, I didn’t notice.” And you guys were inches from kissing each other!

★ Romantically, it takes him a long time to understand that what he was feeling is clearly not platonic anymore. But when he does realize thus, he skips the steps in his head and wants to spend the rest of his days with you (you’re not even dating yet, and he’s already thinking of the future ten years later). Todoroki’s hesitant to engage in a romantic relationship because he thinks that you deserve someone who wouldn’t hesitate to court you and love you openly (he’s worried that he’ll end up like his father).

★ The initial dynamic is someone who talks a lot and the other listens (with the most lovestruck eyes yet still unnoticeable). When you do get into a relationship, he’ll still treat you just like when you were friends, but with a bit more effort to show you how much he cares. Acts of service & Quality Time are his love languages. This man is your ride-or-die forever and would go through lengths just to spend time with you (cue to Todoroki just appearing by your side whenever you’re not busy).

★ Whenever Todoroki talks to other people, it’ll always be, “Oh, where are Saku and the others?” You will always be the first person that comes out of his mouth, an unconscious habit of his.

★ Matching bag charms, candid photos (of him, mostly), handwritten notes that are passed to each other during class, enjoying each other’s company even if you two are just walking to the cafeteria together or him waiting for you to tie your shoelaces (he does them himself further into the relationship), finding out that Todoroki kept most of the things you gave him (especially your little notes and doodles), and the tips of his ears turn a bit reddish whenever he’s flustered—and you’re the only one to notice because it only happens when he’s with you.

[catboii]

((just a "little" (ha) update I guess, nothing major, just a note that I'm sorry if I post alot this week with seemingly no regard for my/my muse's vast presence on the dash, or if I end up writing alot of short weird drabbles to vent.... if there's questionable stuff it'll be tagged like always <3

I understand if you need to unfollow me to keep your dash clear for other people if you're mobile etc. or if you need to blacklist my muse's url for a bit if it's overwhelming

After xmas everything may have settled and if you wanna refollow then I'd welcome you back and wouldn't ask any questions. your comfort (whatever that may classify as in the context) is my utmost priority!

normally I try not to clutter, and I try to keep general post reblogs minimal and just queue most of them. I'm just... not doing too good rn

then again it's a 50/50 that I'll be posting nothing at all, just making my muse's presence known if it wants to sorta wave at someone from the depths of my brain hell jail.

I'll still be checking in around xmas stuff bc this muse gives me v happy bubbly vibes whenever I write it and that's honestly what I need rn.

I'm sorry if your muse reblogs/replies to one of mine's posts or smth and I seemingly glance over it. I genuinely just didn't see it. I always try and respond to stuff, or if it doesn't know how to reply I at least acknowledge that my muse saw it by liking it. but I might not have the mental capacity to actually keep up w stuff

...

BASICALLY I'm either gonna be kinda quiet or rly hyperfixated on not being in my own head for the next week or so.

I'm obv stressed anyway bc I need to do xmas shopping still and it's a struggle bc online it probs won't come in time. we're going "late night shopping" on thursday though so hopefully we can get a bunch of stuff then

but mainly an old work friend of mine passed away today. He's been unwell for a few years, and I dunno if he knew what it was and was just keeping it quiet, or if they genuinely couldn't work it out. last I heard he was getting MRIs.

I had a complicated relationship w him (positive) bc he was either bipolar or had BPD like me (although he wasn't diagnosed with either, but it was obvious he at least had bipolar), and if you know anything abt BPD you know what an FP (favourite person) is, and we were sort of each other's when we were working together? I think. like I say he wasn't diagnosed, but it felt like that. we hit it off really quick and were both really comfortable with each other, and he was just the sweetest most supportive person. he was one of my FPs, which basically means my brain was cursed to be in intense friendlove with him. He would tell me that he loved me and appreciated my friendship, was always saying you need to tell people you love them, however you can, however you mean it, because you don't know if you'll ever get to tell them again

he always showed off the little things I made him and made sure everyone knew exactly where he got the silly little origami animals on his desk, or who made his juggling balls that were his favourite thing in the whole world bc I made them for him by hand, and picked the fabric out specifically for him.

One time around xmas, bc of covid, we had these big plastic screen dividers between our desks and I used posca paint pens to draw him a HUGE Robin in a scarf and santa hat (his name was Robin and people always got him little Robin themed things, he loved them) on the one by his manager desk, like a name tag, but Facilities told him he needed to clean it off and chastised him thinking he did it, and you're "not supposed to vandalise work equipment" even though they're literally washable and it was xmas. we were sticking decorations everywhere, how is it any different? but he played along but he was really mad. He didn;t wanna say it was me that did it, because he thought I might've gotten in trouble, but he also wanted to argue that I'd put alot of work into it. I hadn't put that much in, it was just for fun and I liked drawing it, and he got to see it! That was the important part. and I said so. but I cleaned it off and drew him a new Robin on a piece of paper and he kept it at his desk like a retired picket sign, and told the story to anyone who would be polite enough to listen

mostly though, he gendered me correctly (and he was in his 60s so being so passionate abt they/them pronouns was just really sweet, though he was clearly bi but still in the closet, so it was maybe a little projection, in a way, or just straight up quiet queer solidarity), and literally agressively made sure everyone else did too, when he realised I'd been just letting people at work use whatever pronouns, he got really proactive and made sure all my paperwork was marked as "them" officially (with my permission). if anyone misgenered me he would get visably annoyed or disgusted, and there were a couple people who "forgot" (every time) and he actually got angry at them about it and reported them for harassment, which might've been a little extreme, but I honestly felt so validated, and I'm tearing up thinking about it. I don't think anyone's ever fought that hard in my corner, especially after only knowing me for, at that point, less than a year.

We worked together in a couple different parts of the business for a couple years, until some stuff happened that I shouldn't say bc I need my rp blog(s) to stay far away from my professional life, but we were gonna be working together doing something else, but it wasn't his thing, it was stressful and there were other reasons, but he just lost it and walked out.

we had a little joke when we were training before he left, he had this soft toy robin that he let me borrow because I was really anxious, and I gave it a little notepad and pencil and wrote something silly on it for when he got it back each time. usually some out of context joke on what we learned that day, so we could both laugh about it. but when he left I still had it, and I messaged him saying I would get it back to him sometime, but he said to keep it to remind me of him.

I put it away to keep it safe, but I'm gonna have to go and find it, because it's one of the only physical things I have left of him.

[muslimintp-1999-girl]

This is my 1st sherlolly fic. This was a very spur of the moment thing & I'm not really a writer, I just love sherlolly & it's one of my otps. Timeline is the aftermath of the ily scene.

It's very important. I can't tell you why, but I promise you that it is.

His words echoed in her mind.

He was a man of his word, he had never broken a promise, except for if he was fooling a criminal into some kind of a trap. And the last time she checked, she wasn't in any sort of his criminals' list.

Her mind flashed back to a memory.

"Come over here, son. I'll give you a candy if you do." Sherlock was trying to persuade a little kid, barely 6 six years old, who had gone into a dangerous area of the construction site, to return.

When the boy came out from the space, Sherlock took out a candy from his coat pocket and handed the reward to the litte boy.

"You actually gave him a candy?" Molly had asked, bewildered that it wasn't just a tactic to get him out.

"Yes, it is important to not lie to kids or make false promises to them."

He was kind and gentle, straightforward and true to his words, he didn't beat around the bush, nor kept false promises. So it had to be serious and important, she wondered what it was with her hands wrapped around her tea mug, and arms wrapped around her knees. Blissfully unaware, but slightly bothered, she continued to sip her tea. Sherlock's abrupt call had somewhat placated her and she felt oddly calm. She made a mental note to ask him the details later and got up to walk towards the sink.

..............

"Sherlock", her breathe hitched. He was standing there, a few feet away from the kitchen. He had a spare key to her apartment afterall so it wasn't a mystery as to how he had gotten in.

Without a word he came towards her, his pace a little faster than usual, and enveloped her into a hug. She returned it by wrapping her hands around him in a reflex action. She loves when Sherlock initiates such moments of physical contact but she also gets concerned because he's quite vulnerable & emotionally distraught at such times. Still hugging, she asked him in the sweetest, softest tone, "What was the call about, Sherlock?" as if you would inquire a naughty kid about a broken vase.

Sherlock gulped, "She,...my sister had threatened.....that she would kill.....that she would kill you.....that your apartment was rigged with bombs......there was a coffin (of your size, Molly but he couldn't bring himself to say that detail)." Sherlock tried his best with the broken words he could manage to find. At this moment a dewdrop like substance falling on Molly's face near left ear, made her aware that a tear had rolled down Sherlock's cheek onto hers. She couldn't bring herself to look into his eyes, his voice and state was already painful for her.

They had both always been so calculated, so practical about death. It was a daily occurence and routine for them, to talk about corpses and murder so coldly, devoid of feelings, devoid of any sorts of attachments. This felt new but it was still an emotion shared by both of them, of terror, of utter fear of loss.......and the terror and joy & relief of being discovered, being found. The feeling of joy was gaining the upper hand right now, as the hug continued. Relief was rushing inside Sherlock's body, Molly Hooper was here, she was alive, present in the flesh, he was hugging her, everything was alright in this little apartment on this wretched planet, nothing else mattered.

The 'ting' sound of the oven broke the trance that Sherlock had entered in. He knew Molly stress baked at times when she was worried. "Umm, Sherlock, let me get the muffins before they get burnt." Molly released herself from the hug, but evidently only very reluctantly.

"Ah, yes." Sherlock withdrew his hands, not knowing where to put them and his hands finally found their way into his coat pocket, ah yes now we can't have this apartment burning down coz the oven exploded while he was too busy hugging Molly.

Molly Hooper was worried. That's the only thing he can think of while inhaling the smell of freshly baked muffins.

"Try some, Sherlock." Molly addressed him pointing towards the muffins placed on the rack.

"Molly, sorry for worrying you." Sherlock confessed. Molly frowned, she had forgotten all about why she had baked the muffins in the first place. Sherlock's presence was more therapeutic than any baked treat afterall.

But then she smiled, realizing Sherlock had only apologised for worrying her and not for his request on the phonecall and 3 words he had said to her, twice now. It meant that wasn't a lie, right? That he really was in love with her and wasn't just playing his sister's sick game.

"Are the muffins, good? Do they taste sweet enough? I didn't exactly measure the sugar syrup."

"Yes, they're sweet, but not as sweet as your lips I bet." Sherlock didn't know where he had found the courage or rather where his tongue had gotten the audacity to utter this cheesy line but he was glad for the 1st time and felt lighter, as if he had laid down a large burden he had been carrying all this time, unknown even to him.

Molly nearly choked on her muffin and Sherlock took on a posture, prepared to rescue her in case she needed it. After going through all the trouble to ensure her safety and make sure Molly Hooper was alive, he couldn't have her dying due to his confession now. Especially the one made under no external pressure.

Molly immediately gulped down the glass of juice sitting next to the baking rack and thankfully that seemed to do the job that Sherlock thought he had done back in that Eurus' game or which he thought he had to do now.

"Molly...... are you okay?" thankful that he didn't continue it with a 'just kidding' she told him she was okay so he would stop being worried.

"You're sure you don't need a mouth to mouth?" He asked, unsure where his tongue was getting these lines from, or if a new department had been established in his brain, titled 'cheesy pickup lines for Molly Hooper that would immediately deliver how down bad you are for her'

"Who are you and what have you done to Sherlock Holmes?" Molly smiled weakly, still unsure if this was some sort of advanced cloning feat that humans have finally achieved. "And uh you don't need to guise your....fantasies, you can bring them up directly." She smirked slyly and wasted no time to come and cup his face.

"Still up for that kiss, are you Sherlock?" She asked to make sure. She was just as straightforward of a person as he was.

"Yes."

[xokaus]

ᯓ ✶ LOVE LANGUAGE ◞ peter sutherland.

female reader. no description of reader. kissing. swearing because that’s how i show my excitement. me willing to give my whole life for this man <33.

ACTS OF SERVICE !

let’s start strong and very fucking on point.

he’s such a amazing boyfriend sometimes it makes you wanna cry.

holds the door for you everywhere you go. sometimes he even jogs a little to get to the door before you.

even if your hands are full or not— and they never will be because he’s willing to hold EVERYTHING for you.

OMG! when i say everything i when everything! you don’t want to carry your purse anymore? he can hold it. he’s soooo sweet!

if you do try to open a door, he’s most definitely pouting about it later but he’ll let you have it.

also he pulls out your chair for you.

is the type to take off his shoes so then you can have them if you’re feet are hurting in heels.

is it raining and you don’t have the right jacket? he’s giving you his. no questions asked. he doesn’t want you to get a cold.

makes breakfast in bed for you. even though you keep telling him he needs to be asleep. he just doesn’t listen.

WORDS OF AFFIRMATION !

please don’t let me get start on this man and his beautiful words.

in his eyes you can do no wrong. like ever. and if you ever think otherwise he’s saying the sweetest things to you.

peter will never be shy about his words to you.

if it has anything to do with you and absolutely praising your whole existence he’s going to say it.

leaves you the cutes notes if you’ve taken a nap with him and he has to go to work and he knows he’s not getting you up anything soon.

randomly sends you texts about how work is going and always asks you what you’re doing.

calls to check on you when he’s in the basement.

i can just imagine him calling you when he’s walking to farr’s office and he’s like “just called to ask what you were doing.” you will only be able to laugh. “peter, you just left.”

QUALITY TIME !

loves going shopping with you! omg! he fucking loves it and he will admit it.

he just loves to see that cute little smile on your face when you see something you like. makes his heart arch.

he also likes going grocery shopping with you. that’s really just to spend good time with you.

loves brushing his teeth in the morning with you. he isn’t sure why but just loves talking to you when you’re half asleep.

is willing to go anywhere with you. and when he finally gets a week or two off? man just know y’all are flying somewhere.

maybe even a good old road trip of you’re down.

i feel like he’ll love going places where there’s a beach. he’s definitely either in the water playing catch with some random kids or man.

OR he’s taking pictures of you. staring at you. telling you how good you look in the sun and in that bathing suit.

calls you when he’s completely bored and lonely in the basement, and he just can’t help but think of you.

“don’t you have to be listening for the phone to ring?” you would tease and he would practically hear the grin on your face. ”yes, but they can wait,” he chuckled, waving the phone off with his hand. the two of you only laughed.

RANDOM SHIT I THOUGHT ABOUT !

your friends most definitely love him. they are forced!

they kinda hate that they like him so much.

peter doesn’t care too much for himself most of the time so you have to look out for him when he isn’t.

if you’re the type where you love being up all night and watching movie. peter is your guy!

when he’s off he’s most definitely watching movies with you or sleeping on your lap.

that just got me thinking of sleeping positions.

and he most definitely lays his head on your chest like a big baby. his arms are wrapped around you and all that.

you’re little spoon! yes, he may be a baby but this makes him feel like he’s protecting you so you’re little spoon.

off topic but he most definitely kisses you on your shoulder and face in the mornings to wake you up.

 2023 kausstar.

[shinydixon]

hey, i'm the anon who vented in two parts! thank you fr taking the time to read and post, i freaked out a little after i hit send because i thought it was a bit too much. it's just i never find anyone who's willing to talk about this so openly. i hope i didn't make you think i was judging/attacking you in anyway. i know it's nearly impossible to filter out your blog since it's all about joe/eddie and i think it's the sweetest thing that you leave your asks open for people to come talk and vent. that also means that you must read all kinds of rumors and stuff people send you and i hadn't considered how that must also overwhelm you. i'm choosing to believe gr*c*really moved on from that entire mess. but the kind of crap she pulled back then really left a bad taste in my mouth. when you stop to think that she did most of that shit when she was 25---a whole grown ass woman baiting and trolling teenage girls with ship talk (real and fictional) and deleting posts on her tumblr to play the victim later on really, really doesn't sit right with me. and she did it again just before the last con. baited her 'haters' in with some note about striking fears into their hearts and then deleted the post when she got enough attention/hate. then came back and wrote about how they can hate her as much as they want but some actor was proud of her and that's all that mattered. like...girl, you brought that hate upon yourself literally two nights ago when you taunted the people who don't like you. make it make sense, please. i've seen some anons commenting about joe possibly knowing of her behavior: joe keery doesn't use his twitter anymore. he has only an instagram for his band and he also has a reddit account, i think. jamie doesn't follow her and even if he did, i'm pretty sure he wouldn't be checking her liked tweets or past replies and reading threads upon threads of drama to tell joe later on. it's totally possible he has an idea of what's going on because of insta. his friend manages his insta but it's not crazy to believe he does browse it himself every now and then to see what's going on. as for the rpf, i understand you completely. i read everything. rpf and fic for the characters he plays. this fandom is so talented. the steddie part is so amazing and don't even get me started on my favorite ship which is eddie and nancy. lol. so i just read everything i can get my hands on. well, that's it, i guess. thank you again for allowing me to vent like this. i hope life treats you well now and always. <3

First of all, no problem I like reading what you all send and I don't mind if your ask is long or short 😊

Anyway don't worry I didn't think you were judging me🤍 I just explained my reasons because I get that people might be confused and saying things like "why you keep answering if you say it's overwhelming?" so yeah, I just wanted to explain 🤗

About Grace, I explained why I don't like her and I don't think I'll change my mind but I don't know, considering some people post really nasty shit about her just because it's her, I kinda get it why she felt like posting those things before and during the con.

About Joe, I don't think he knows and honestly I don't think he cares about drama.

Not considering what happened with that black quinnie that got harassed (and that can't be considered drama because racism is a serious issue and in that case someone should've said something), the rest was drama that reminded me a discussion between teenagers 💀

About rpf I don't read them but there's no a real reason why😂 but I agree that, from what I read (mostly steddie or reader insert) this Fandom is creative!

Omg you're the first people I meet that ship Eddie and Nancy! It's an interesting pairing 🥰

Anyway thank you for your kind words 🙏🏻💖I also wish you the best 💗