#he could've just stopped their hearts and no one would know... but idk maybe I'm simplifying

[beedreamscape]

This bitch bastard man (affectionate)

[sheathnknife]

the vampire diaries 8.16 // louise gluck, crossroads

“and damon, like the voiceover tell us, he was worried he would never see stefan again. it was just elena assuring him that there would be peace. that we’ve dealt with this other side of darkness for several seasons, but there’s also light out there and there’s peace, and damon will find it. if you search for it, you will find it. and we wanted to get that last moment to see that [...] damon found it too, and it looked just like his brother.” — kevin williamson

[lonelychicago]

buck/eddie | drabble | idk how many words i just wrote this and then here we are.

eddie's been agonizing about telling buck how he feels for weeks, he's been making this speech in his mind and changing it a thousand times. and it's not that he's scared or he's nervous (although he is a bit) bc he knows buck feels the same... he is 90% sure.

okay! fine! maybe 85% sure, whatever.

but! eddie is pretty sure it's mutual. it's just that there's a lot on the line, the risk is so high and everything needs to be perfect.

buck deserves perfect.

so anyway, the point it's been almost a month and he's had so many opportunities but somehow he always chickens out at the last second. the words stay lodged in his throat.

until one night he just blurts it out— they're in the kitchen, because of course they are, their most important moments always seem to happen there nowadays. and buck looks so beautiful, so... out of a dream, straight out of eddie's most secret fantasies. and buck turns around and he smiles at eddie, that lopsided kind of smirk that makes him feel things. what was he supposed to do?

the words come out before he can fully think about what he's doing. one minute they're just best friends, hanging out in the kitchen... and the next, eddie changes them forever.

he says the words and something shifts, something changes and he knows deep down there's not turning back.

they can go from there, right?

but then— buck doesn't react like he thought he would. and listen, in a perfect world buck would feel the same and he would beam at eddie and then he would lean in to kiss him. and yet, eddie would've still accepted buck letting him down gently. it would've hurt, but eddie could've take it.

none of those things happen, though. no.

instead, buck frowns at him and he takes a step back like eddie just physically slapped him in the face.

"what the hell, man?"

and then buck—

buck leaves. he walks away and eddie can only stand there in the middle of his kitchen with a million of questions haunting him and his heart broken to pieces on the floor.

in the thousands of scenarios he pictured in his head of how this would go, it never even crossed his mind that buck would react like this.

he never thought buck would leave him.

and you know what? fuck this, eddie won't let him do this.

-

by the time he arrives to buck's loft, the jeep is already parked and the man is nowhere in sight.

eddie spent the whole way here working himself up, thinking what he'll say to buck and now he's just so—angry.

and hurt, and sad and a lot of other emotions he doesn't want to unpack right now. so, we're going with angry.

when buck opens the door to his apartment, eddie charges in.

"what the fuck, buck? you can't just leave like that! and not when—"

"not when what, eddie?" buck slams the door closed and turns to him, matching his anger.

his blue eyes are dark, red and puffy around the edges like he's been crying, his hair looks disheveled like he's passed his fingers through it a thousand times and his cheeks are flushed a slight red. his jaw is locked and his shoulders are so tense, his posture is stiff...

buck is pissed.

and eddie doesn't get it.

"what the fuck? why are you mad at me?"

"because!" buck yells. "because you were mean and honestly eddie? it was unnecessary and i never thought—"

"you think my feelings for you are unnecessary?

"stop saying you have feelings for me!"

"but i do! what do you want me to say, buck? i do! i'm so in love with you it hurts, i'm so in love with you that it's a little pathetic sometimes." eddie groans, rubbings his hands over his face and then facing buck head on once again.

the blonde now looks more shocked than anything and he's blanking rapidly. "w-what? no, y-you're lying."

"why would i lie?"

"because it's april's fools and if you're playing some kind of cruel prank on me, i swear to god, eddie—"

horror dawns on him and eddie hates himself a little for not realizing it.

"buck—" he sighs.

"it's come too far, okay, man? ha ha i get it, now just—"

"i'm not pranking you!" eddie cuts him off, stepping closer and closer until their noses almost touch and their breath mix in the small space between them. "i'm not pranking you, okay? this is real. i'm sorry my timing made you think i was pranking you, but i'm not." eddie cups buck's cheek, his thumb ghosting softly over his birthmark above his eye. "i'm not, buck. please."

"you love me?"

"i do."

and then buck it's kissing him, hard and demanding but it quickly turns soft, and careful. exploring.

eddie makes a soft noise at the back of his throat and returns the kiss.

finally.

[thomashoes]

Thinking about.... Scaramouche

idk why i had this idea but i was on a bus when i got had this thought lol. enjoy~~

scaramouche x reader

gender neutral reader

modern au

TW// mentions of death, abu$ive relationship, emotional manipulation, hurt/no comfort (no likey? feel free to scroll pass :>)

This is an AU wherein the lies you tell will be permanently marked on your skin until you tell the truth.

They don't know when it started. It could've been when Kunikuzushi's best friend was accidentally killed in a crossfire of some gang activity or when the young boy he often babysits and considered as a brother finally succumbed to his terminal disease. Somewhere in between those events, Kunikuzushi lost his heart and Scaramouche has become his new identity.

The relationship they had was what some people called perfect, dates every Friday, supporting each other's passion, being there for one another, those kinds of stuff. It was perfect.

It started when, Scaramouche constantly called his lover and yelled at them through the phone then demanded they come home whenever Y/N was out with their friends. Y/N ignored the concern their friends showed but they just brushed it off and told them Scaramouche was simply being clingy. However, when Y/N would return to their shared apartment, Scaramouche would speak to her in an intimidating manner. Y/N, at first, thought he was being sarcastic until he marched forward and gripped her face tight. It was very different from the usual play fighting they had, this one actually hurt and he was laughing at their pain.

Another thing would be when Scaramouche spotted them in the mall with friends, he casually strolled to their direction with clenched jaw. He greeted their friends with a strained smile and wrapped an arm around Y/N's waist, discreetly gripping hard. He suddenly announced that his mother just called him for a family emergency and that he had to take Y/N with him since she was already family to them.

This was when Y/N's friends realized something was wrong because, from what they know, Kunikuzushi was an orphan and didn't have foster parents.

They attempted an intervention but somehow Scaramouche was acting how he normally did. So casually manipulating his friends into thinking he's the same Kunikuzushi as before, Y/N's fear began when she didn't see any marks showing on his body.

When they were alone in their apartment, Scaramouche would get violent. Throwing their plates and mugs, punching the walls and, at one occasion, threw around the knives. This terrified Y/N since they have never saw this side of their lover ever. But what absolutely scared them was that he would break everything but never grew physical with her.

"You need to stop hanging out with those so called friends of yours because they will just get in the way of the two of us, okay, sweetheart?" he expressed haughtily, one corner of his lips curled like Cheshire the Cat's. "I don't like the look of their marks covering their bodies. Makes them untrustworthy, while we are both unmarked people, we best not associate with them."

"I'm just looking out for you, you know that, right? I would never hurt you because I love you." he affirmed while the grip on their arms grew tighter that Y/N knew that bruises would start to show again. "Y-You're hurting me, Kuni," Y/N whimpered as tears burned their eyes.

Dark eyes narrowed and tilted his head, "Maybe you're just growing tense. I'm not hitting you, I'm only holding you right now. I just told you I wouldn't hurt you, Y/N. Why is that so hard to believe?"

In fear, Y/N nodded to him and stuttered out an apology. Scaramouche laughed at them and moved his grip to their cheeks with the same tension as earlier, "I love you, Y/N." he spoke oh-so-gently.

Heart beating fast, Y/N shakily leaned into his touch and echoed out, "I love you too, Kunikuzuhi."

Scaramouche's eyes sharpened as he searched their face for any traces of dishonesty. When he was satisfied, he let go of his grip and kissed both cheeks noisily, "Well then, let's go watch some classical movie."

Unbeknownst to Scaramouche, Y/N felt a phantom pain run along their back. Eyes burned even more and their shaking intensified as they realized that a mark has formed on their body.

[kaeyachi]

I wonder whether he's wearing extensions, as I've seen someone suggest (wasn't paying attention who, could've been you for all I know) or if his hair grew out since we met him? I mean... probably he'll go back to the other skin in Mond, but that doesn't really mean anything because you can take extensions out or cut hair. Likewise, I wonder whether the (lack of) lovelock is supposed to be symbolic of anything, or if Mihoyo just wanted the braid to look better with no in-universe implications?

Also, I haven't seen anyone mention it, but that white stripe in his braid isn't usually in his lovelock. Again - extensions, or is more of it getting paler? Or was it another section of his hair that was always this way, and it was just cut too short to be visible?

I like to think it's getting lighter.

ooooh boy, it was not me who mentioned extensions, and i actually think this is either a purposeful continuity error where they just decided "no more lovelock" or that he grew his hair that quick in the 3 years we've known him. There's not exactly a lot of ways to style a lovelock, and having a thin braid is kinda boring compared to a thick one.

3 years means approximately 18 inches of hair and tbh? it checks out lmao (i even checked with my meter stick)

That light streak is worrying though, especially considering what Dainsleif said in the 3.5 archon quest about how being unaffected by one's ancestry seems impossible (direct quote: "remains to be unseen")

Damn I kinda wish they were extensions now, that way I'd be less worried for him and his safety

If it is getting lighter, what does it mean then? Its not exactly hilichurl colored like most people are thinking of (hilichurls got that salt and pepper thing going on for them hehe). It's actually more closely colored to abyss mages.

Imagine if Pierro mostly had navy blue hair as well and it all just turned mostly white as the curse continued to run its course, leaving him with just the navy blue streak we see on him today.

Idk where I'm pulling this out of but maybe its a slow acting curse where you stop aging once its all white? You age slower and slower the more white your hair gets basically.

Another idea is like Anna's hair in Frozen, his heart is also slowly being frozen (and as a twist, it's also Kaeya as Elsa who keeps that heart slowly freezing... the self sabotage is an idea i greatly want to study)

Finally, as a crack theory, he's just stressed lmao. Working multiple jobs while thinking about the past and future and upkeeping a public image is a lot after all. If we can't see him stressed then that stress must be going somewhere right? hahaha

Im not sure if they would address it but it would be cool if they do (not keeping my hopes up though)

[wave2love]

✧ my lovely love 𖥔˙̣

07. the talk

IN WHICH, choi y/n after finally landing a job after many many interviews finds out his new boss is the boy that broke his heart many years ago in highschool. can the two become friends again and maybe more or will it once again end in tragedy with y/n crying on the floor of his room for days left to pick up the pieces of his once again broken heart.

⌗ warningz — angst probably idk :: wc — 620

⌗ lowercase intended

˚₊꒷ʚ﹕previous — masterlist — next

"hey y/n, can we talk?" its jay.

oh. jay. i really don't wanna talk with him. but i guess i have to man up and live my life. i turn towards him, "yes mr. park? what would you like to talk about?" he looks a bit surprised for whatever reason. "could you follow me into my office so we can speak privately?" i nod and follow him into his office, people are staring. jay locks the door as we enter the office. he looks a bit scared. his face reminds me of the one he had that day.

i don't know what to do here. why did he want to talk. we stare at eachother for a moment, "y/n.." he hesitates for a second and just stares at me, "do you wanna take a seat?" he pulls out a chair for me. "..okay" i sit down. all i can do is stare. he's still so pretty. i should hate him. he broke my heart. why does my heart ache seeing him? "y/n" he starts, "i'm sorry." "for what?" i want him to say it. admit what you did to my face. tell me you know what you did to me. he looks taken aback. "for everything. i know i hurt you all those years ago. i know i was stupid and i know how much i hurt you." i can hear his voice tremble a bit. my eyes start to gloss over and i think i'm about to cry. i really don't want to cry in front of him. "oh." is all i can get out without sobbing and suddenly i feel a tear drop slide down my face. before i know it i'm crying. jay apologizes a few more times i can hear the struggle in his voice. it's like every memory of us floods back to me.

jay takes a deep breath in and speaks again, "i know we haven't spoken since that day but i promise i didn't want any of that to happen." "why did you do it then? we were good together, we could've made it work." he opens his mouth as to speak but he immediately stops. he opens his mouth to speak again and this time as he talks he makes the slightest bit of sense to me, "y/n, i really wanted to please believe me. i just couldn't stay with you because my parents moved me away because of you. there hasn't been a single day since then i haven't thought about you, please forgive me." he sounds like he's about to cry. "jay.." i don't know what to say to him. there wasn't one day since then where i haven't thought about him.

"there hasn't been a day since where i haven't thought about you. i don't know if i have it in me right now to forgive you." my voice cracks and i can see tears coming from his eyes. he makes it so hard. i look down at my hands, i can't look at him. "i want to forgive you jay i really do, and now we have to work with each other and i get that it would be easier if i could just get over it but what you did and what we were made an impact on me." "i.. understand. i'm sorry again. do you think we could take it one step at a time? become friends again? please y/n. i'll do anything." i can hear the pain in his voice. "okay. let's start over, become friends again. just.. don't bring this up again, okay?" he looks at me with glossy eyes and an appreciative smile on his face, "of course. anything for you."

˚₊꒷ʚ﹕previous — masterlist — next

⌗ karma’s corner ᵎᵎ i wanted this to be really sad but it didn't feel sad to me so idk. but like wtv! this one kinda sucked icl. hope u guys enjoyed tho lol

taglist ᵎᵎ comment or send an ask to be added — @junjiie @kpopstanmeg @stvrboy-k @jarosutff

[alexandria-is-my-firstname]

Yo! Did you get to the dlc yet? Is yes, how do you feel about it? If not yet, just ignore this ask for now

Yeah :D I've watched the dlc from Jacksepticeye's playthrough since late-November / December last year! All I could say is that the DLC's awesome and that there could be more things further explored or expanded, such as WHY IS DUKE EVIL HERE!?!?!? OOON9OOOOOOOOOO!!!

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Story:

I always thought the DLC would be about Ada's experience in the village based on the concept art of her Eileen-esque outfit, but having Rose's story being the DLC is cool too, maybe a bit generic but still welcoming. Idk, the story feels pretty generic cause it's like "well shit I'm a freak and I just wish I could throw away my useful god-potential powers!" and then she takes it back and keeps her powers. To put that aside, it was interesting to see the life of Rose and what she went through,,,

- Rose enrolling a normal school was a surprise knowing that she's basically an SCP and should be homeschooled for further safety, but perhaps it was something Chris thought Ethan would want for Rose, which is a normal life. And for Chris, it's surprising that he even showed up in Rose's life, I've always thought he would send someone else to watch over Rose and be her father-figure. It's heart warming tho, knowing what Chris went through, he should at least have some normalcy in his life.

- Rose being bullied felt inevitable knowing that she would eventually have complications with her powers. But daaamnnnn,,, THE DLC DIDN'T HAD TO PUT THE PSYCHOLOGICAL BULLY MEMORY INTO THE BENEVIENTO LEVEL. HOW COULD THEY PUT TWO TRAUMATIC THINGS INTO ONE????? I'M NOT A MAMA READY FOR TRAUMA!!! Beside that, I was pretty compelled by that level due to Rose's bullying experience which had similarities to mines, I was also healing from a renunion with a bully too during the time I watched the playthrough. Because of my state back then and watching Rose's DLC, I felt like I'm healing alongside her and that I wasn't alone,,, BUT THAT DOESN'T GIVE CAPCOM THE EXCUSE TO ADD DEM CREEPYASS DOLLS WHWHHHHYYYYYY!!!!!?!?!!??

- Ethan returning as a Disney Pixie will never stop making me chuckle my lungs out, like, who cooked? Who's the fella that snorted Tinkerbell's stash and thought *insert Kronk's voice* "oh yeah, this'll be whimsical"? Okay okay jokes aside, Pixie Ethan interacting with Rose was honestly damn right heartwarming, especially the Happy Birthday room (I think it is? Can't remember well). But I do have a question, does Ethan feel Kratos-level disturbed if he sees Mother Miranda cloning his daughter and Duke toying with them?

- Eveline's comeback was surprising, I first thought that she's Rose's doppleganger in the trailer before it was shown that there are a whole pit of Rose-clones. It makes sense that Eveline would be pissy about Rose being her perfect form or vessel, especially her being Ethan's kid and wanted by Miranda. I guess it's just that, surprising.

- For the ending, touching and very fitting to the ending of RE 8. Seeing Rose and Ethan work together in escaping Miranda was delicious fan-service. "Finally, good fucking food" - Gordon Ramsey. But for the final battle against Mother Miranda, it was exciting at first, but it eventually felt pretty long which ruined the final interaction between Rose and Ethan for me. While the finally battle was a bit long due to Mother Miranda's phases, Rose and Ethan's goodbye felt more longer and generic. "I'm sorry dad *insert sob*". "I love you too daughter *insert extra sobs*". MOVE ON ALREADY!! I'M SORRY BUT I THINK THAT'S ENOUGH APOLOGIZING!! It was still sad yet heartwarming tho, I'll just say I was impatient.

|

Reflection:

I think the DLC has more potential and things to explore. Knowing that the mold is a hivemind, Rose could've jumped through the mold victims' recorded memories and we could've seen the origins of the 4 lords. And as an addition, Rose's trauma and life could've been reflected through the victims' own experiences, alongside the 4 lords' level area twisting into a psychological-trauma trip based on Rose's mental thoughts and feelings. These kind of ideas were something I've wondered about last year and before the trailer came out, I just thought it'd be interesting if the 4 lords' backstories could be explored through Rose who is some form of bridge between the mold hivemind and the real world. Beside my own ideas, maybe the DLC could answer why Duke is evil. Maybe Duke's pissed off that he got Oppenheimer'ed? Or Duke is a character similar to the black cat from Coraline but changed sides due to mysterious shite. And beside Duke, the megamycete could've been explored further, such as its origins and relation to the "stairway to heaven" flower (dunno if that's the name of the plant or I accidentally referenced a song). THERE'S SO MUCH. SO SO MUCH. but traumatized magical teenage girl comes first✨️✨️💖.

And to address my last year's reaction of the Rose DLC trailer, I was overreacting and couldn't comprehend how DASTARDLY SIMILAR THE PLOT IS TO WHATEVER RE 8 MONSTER!ETHAN AU I POSTED LAST YEAR. NO BLOODY WAY. JUST NO BLOODY WAY THAT HAPPENED. NOT IN AN ANCIENT LOVECRAFTIAN FULL MOON IT DOESN'T. I just fully expected that the dlc would be about Ada, only Ada and whatever cheeky schemes she has. But overreacting didn't meant I no longer like or wanna do RE stuff, I'd like to continue more artworks and stories in the future, more detailed and non-doodly works, but I'm currently really busy with personal stuff and might not do fan or original works until next year.

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So,,,

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In conclusion,,,

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It was great :D thanks for asking!!

(I'm sorry if it's a long read)

[c0mmitt4xfr0g]

Ripe - Chapter Two

the second chapter of my hoffstrahm fanfic ,,,, office sex, idk. nsfw.

fanfic tags: hoffstrahm, gay sex, anal sex, angst, fluff, office sex, kind of established relationship, semi public sex.

I can't think of anything else but if there's a tag I'm missing you want me to add lemme know!!

Chapter Two

  Peter's office was dark. Dark enough that his computer was burning his retinas, dark enough that the light from the department kitchenette was what he used to rummage through his desk. It was later than he should've been there, but he hadn't been able to focus during the day, and things still had to get done whether or not he liked it. 

  So he stayed put in his office, watching the hours tick by as he passed the time pouring over his work, his fingers numb from flipping through pages. He was going to get a new wrinkle from this, from furrowing his eyebrows so intensely, and he groaned, cupping his head in his hands. He needed to go home and get some sleep. 

  But he was almost done filling out reports -- a victory that seemed so far away. 

  He had to take a break at the very least, or his eyes would stop working. He rubbed his eyes so deep that he saw phosphenes in his sockets, and he could've sworn there was sand in his eyes. 

  Sighing, he leaned back in his chair, the wheels squeaking slightly underneath of him as he groaned to stretch. His back was stiff like a rock. 

  He loosened his tie slightly. There was silence. 

  Looking through the opened blinds of his office walls, he peered around to make sure he was completely alone. There was only the reflection of himself in the windows, and the empty coffee station glaring at him for abusing it. 

  There was no harm in looking at some pictures -- right? 

  Doing one last look around to really make sure nobody would encroach on his privacy, he dug a little key out of his pocket, and unlocked the bottom cabinet. It was always locked except for long nights like this one. 

  He took the photos out, placing them flat on his desk and staring at them for a moment. 

  The truth was, these photos were nothing vulgar – technically – they were just pictures of Jigsaw. It was a case that he worked on, a case he'd cracked, though nobody at the office knew that, nobody in the world knew that except Peter. 

  And Mark. 

  Peter gritted his teeth. He'd been seeing a lot of Mark recently, more than he was willing to admit to himself. He blamed it mostly on Mark's eagerness to see him, but he couldn't be blamed entirely. Peter thought about him more than he realized himself. 

  They'd been meeting in short, fleeting moments, fucking hard and fast before Mark would disappear, but sometimes he would allow himself and Peter the luxury of spending lazy nights in tiny hotels. 

  After a few months of this, though, Peter realized that the hotel staff would start to remember them, so they had to switch it up. But they were running out of hotels. 

  He peered at the photos, picking out one amongst the others that he seemed to look at more than the rest. It was a picture of Mark -- with his mask on of course -- but no shirt on. It was this that seemed to attract Peter, not necessarily that he was shirtless, because he'd seen his chest enough times to satisfy his imagination, but the fact that he was caught so unprepared. 

  The photo had been sent in anonymously but Peter couldn't help suspect Mark had sent it in himself, maybe just to fuck with Peter, because they both knew he'd see every picture possible on the subject. 

  But as Peter scanned the photo, scrutinizing it just as closely as he had the first time he saw it, he couldn't help the way his heart leapt in his chest. It reminded him of the way they had first met -- really met, that is. 

  In the alleyway. Mark had worn that same body language, the type of rigidity that meant he was caught off guard, and even though he was wearing his mask, Peter could recall all too clearly how his grey eyes looked glittering with terror and excitement when he'd been caught. 

  Peter sighed, the tension melting from his jaw and shoulders but tightening in his stomach. The way they'd fucked that night had been one of a kind for a lot of reasons, and Peter knew it wasn't just the fact that he was sexually repressed that he thought about it a little too much, even when he was supposed to be working. 

  This was one of those moments. But the office was completely empty, and perhaps that was why he felt the liberty to gawk at him. He wasn't prepared to take it home with him, even though he was positive he could find the picture on the internet, since it had been in the papers. But at the office, it didn't feel as private. He could lie to himself in a way. 

  But all the lying in the world couldn't excuse the way his cock leapt in his pants, twitching to life when he started remembering everything they had done, anything they had ever done together. 

  Mark wasn't just the man he had sex with, he was the man he made love to, and even if it was rough and fast, usually filled with insults, he couldn't help but wish they could have some sort of a normal relationship. He couldn't visit him at work, he couldn't bring him home, he couldn't tell anyone they were together. Peter wasn't even sure if they were technically dating -- you know, really dating, boyfriend and boyfriend -- but at least on Peter's end, they were exclusive. He was too scared to ask the same thing about Mark but he had a feeling that living a double life of a cop and a serial killer didn't leave a lot of room for lots of relationships. 

  He spidered his fingers across the desk, and then made fists, sitting the photo back on it, squeezing until his knuckles turned white. He was hard and aching now, and even though it wouldn't have been the first time he'd gotten off at work, not by a long shot, each time sent shivers of anxiety down his spine. He wasn't the only one who stayed late after work, and he knew that there were other workers on further floors. 

  He hesitated for a moment, but he decided he couldn't resist. He really couldn't stop himself with a picture of Mark sitting right there, slutty as ever, bare chested and terrified, so terrified it was almost a challenge. 

  He glanced out the windows of his office while his hand got busy with his belt, expertly unbuckling. It was a skill he'd mastered -- getting his pants down with one hand. There were too many instances when he couldn't resist, but he couldn't be patient enough to take his time. 

  Arousal seemed to catch Peter off guard in his later years. He wasn't the spry young man he had once been, and for the most part, getting off became less and less of a priority, taking a backseat to his work as he became more and more of a workaholic. 

  He ignored it for days and days, sometimes weeks, until something finally tripped him up and he was busting his load right under his desk after hours from the mere thought of someone. 

  Of course, that someone had been taking care of his needs pretty well for the last months -- but it had been a week or two since he'd seen Mark, and he was getting unbearably pent up. He needed release. 

  He groaned silently into his shut lips when he wrapped a hand around his cock, eyes shutting for a moment. His door wasn't locked but it normally was -- nobody would come barging in even if they did show up unannounced. He would be fine. 

  His mind turned once again to Mark in the alleyway, the way he felt when he slipped onto him, or rather forced himself onto him, because the stretch had left him walking stiffly for the next few days, he'd made sure of that. 

  He had been so incredibly tight. He was tighter than his own fist, but the reason it affected himself was much the same as tickling -- it's hard to be as sensitive to your own touches. Especially when the other person is Mark.

  He let out another noise, this time not quite as stifled, but he had been lost in thought. His thick cock was throbbing in his own hand and he had the feeling he wouldn't last long. It was a good thing for once; he didn't need to be caught jerking off to the primary source of fear in the city. 

  A sudden click made him jump in place, hand frozen on his dick, jaw clenched tight, eyes wide and focused. 

  "This building should really get better security," the offender said, a sly smirk stuck to his plump lips. 

  Peter's heart lurched. "Mark, what the fuck are you doing here?" he hissed, wrenching his hand away from himself. 

  Normally he would've risen to hug and kiss him, but he didn't want to be caught with his pants down in the most literal sense. 

  "I wanted to stop in," Mark teased. "I got bored while I was out." 

  Peter's adrenaline rushed through his veins. He was almost certainly out killing people and part of him was so aroused it was painful, the other part of him disgusted. 

  Mark seemed to be waiting for him to stand and greet him, so when he didn't, he took it upon himself to stride over to his desk. Peter has half the mind to cover himself with his jacket, but he didn't have the time to do it inconspicuously, and he didn't want to arouse suspicion, so he remained frozen in place. 

  Mark's eyes almost immediately darted to his splayed thighs, and Peter almost found it endearing that he couldn't hide his intentions, immediately looking for his bounty -- but Peter cringed when Mark stopped, going completely still. 

  "What – you couldn't even wait til you got home? Just got too worked up?" Mark said, raising an eyebrow and smirking at him.

  "Shut it," Peter said, but he hardly had the common sense to zip up his tan khakis, much less the desire to restrain his cock. 

    Peter tensed as Mark cupped his cheek with his thick fingers, leaning in to kiss him, but he suddenly froze about an inch away from his face. His eyes were stuck on something, something that clearly was important, because Mark had a one track mind and wasn't easily distracted from what he wanted. 

  But when Peter followed his line of sight, he thought he was going to pass out from the blood leaving his head. Mark was staring at the photos on his desk, the photos of him, the ones that had little crinkled edges from how many times Peter had lovingly gripped at it, usually gripping himself at the same time. 

  "What's this?" Mark asked, but it was rhetorical, he didn't expect Peter to really answer him. 

  Peter grimaced, clicking his tongue reluctantly. "Mark..." 

  His voice trailed off, but he watched the man grab the photo the most worn out, holding it close to his face like he was judging his own work. 

  "I'm glad my little present got to you," he said, setting it down. "I didn't think it'd be so well-received." 

  Mark turned back to Peter, sitting in his office chair with his dick pounding in his grey boxers, already stained from the wetness. One of them was going home with back problems that night and Mark guessed it was both of them. 

  He leaned in and captured his lips in a kiss finally, strong hand gripping the side of his jaw and throat. Peter let out a sound almost like a whine, and he was a little taken aback just how desperate he got. It had only been two weeks. 

  "I leave you alone for a few days and you're bursting at the seams for me," Mark said against his lips, his words a ghost across his skin. 

  "It's been two weeks," Peter said, to justify it. "I've been busy." 

  "You weren't too busy tonight," Mark said. 

  "That's different," he whined. 

  His hips bucked upwards ever so slightly, trying to get friction from nothing but the air because Mark hovered right above him, the way his grey suit jacket covered his thighs ever so slightly, the way he reeked of cologne and his aftershave, the ridges in his dress pants telling him just how hard they worked to keep his thighs contained. He scanned him fast, staring hard. 

  His belt was ever so slightly too tight, his belly spilling over it just a little, and he thought to the silver, long faded stretch marks on his sides -- he was a football player in college, something he could never forget -- he remembered vividly the way his love-handles peeked out just so when he was naked, just like in the photo. 

  He was twitching hard and he felt like he could barely breathe. 

  "Please," Peter gasped, trying to sound annoyed but only worsening his image. 

  Mark had never seen him that desperate before, shaking, trembling under his clutch, rutting into the air like he could almost feel his ass, brow knit and he didn't just look annoyed, he looked worried, like Mark would ever have the heart not to get him off. 

  Mark's eyes were wide and shocked, and for a second, Peter worried that he seemed too submissive, too needy, and that he'd read the situation wrong, that Mark didn't really want him as much as he thought. 

  But Mark's lips crashed against Peter's suddenly, a desperate, nervous, adoring kiss, Mark moaning loud against his lips. He wasn't even fully hard yet but he wasn't moaning out of pleasure, he was moaning because his heart almost hurt with how much he loved him. 

  Peter gasped and almost choked when Mark wrapped a hand around his dick, squeezing him hard and jerking him just as firm. 

  "M-Mm, fuck," Peter gasped, gritting his teeth. "Please, please. Please let me fuck you." 

  "God, yes," Mark said, and he began to fight with his fly, trying desperately to get his pants off. 

  But to his surprise, Peter slumped onto the floor, resting on his knees in front of Mark, his head just past his belly. He unzipped his pants quickly and got to work getting him undressed, hesitating before his naked cock. 

  "What are you doing?" Mark asked nervously, his voice hardly more than a whisper. 

  But Peter didn't answer him, he only swallowed, leaning forward, and put a gentle kiss on Mark's tip. He seemed unsure of what to do, and it suddenly occurred to Mark that he might not have ever blown someone. Mark had given and received many. 

  A twinge of embarrassment flooded Mark's cock with blood and made him throb against Peter's soft lips. 

  Mark leaned back, sitting on the very edge of Peter's cleared desk. "You don't have to do that, Peter," Mark said softly. "If you don't know how." 

  "I want to," Peter said a little too quickly. "I want you."

  He eyed him greedily and sucked back Mark's cock, gagging almost immediately. Mark assumed Peter would be done, but to his surprise, the second time he tried went better. 

  Mark let out a groan and let his hand rest on Peter's head, stroking his hair. "Fuck," he said, shivering. 

  He could feel Peter trying not to gag, spurred on by Mark petting his hair. His eyes were lidded and soft. 

  It was hard not to gag since Peter had a bad gag reflex, but he couldn't stop. Mark tasted good and he wanted to suck him off, wanted to see him shaking and taste his seed, fucking into Peter's throat. Every time he gagged it sent chills down to his stomach, his cock throbbing desperately. 

  Mark's hips were pulled forward by an unknown force and he couldn't stop himself from rolling his hips slightly into Peter's face. He expected Peter to gag – but he only rolled his eyes in pleasure, face burning red. 

  Mark realized Peter was pumping his own cock and it pleased Mark to know that, for whatever reason, Peter was enjoying this. 

  Peter was getting the hang of it now and Mark fucked into the back of his throat, groaning low in his chest. A sudden rush of adrenaline told him if he didn't stop soon, he'd finish. 

  But Peter suddenly dipped two saliva slicked fingers into his ass, and Mark twitched, crying out and squeezing his eyes shut. The stretch was sudden and welcomed, Mark whining now, fingers tensed in Peter's hair. 

  "F-Fuck, Peter," he whined, his cock pounding. "Please fuck me, Jesus Christ." 

  Peter barely had to hear the words to do as he wished, standing up quickly from the floor and rubbing himself, already dripping pre-come on the floor. Mark reminded himself not to forget to clean up. 

  "Against the desk?" Peter asked breathlessly. 

  "Yeah." Mark didn't wait, he bent over the desk and couldn't help the whine that escaped his lips when his cock pressed against the cool wood. He suddenly wondered if Peter ever got desperate and ground his dick against that same desk and his stomach jumped. 

  "You ready?" Peter asked, and grabbed Mark's ass in one hand, holding the tip of his dick in the other. 

  "Yes, hurry up," Mark said impatiently. 

  Peter laughed softly, resting his nose against the shell of Mark's ear. "Look who's impatient now," he whispered, but grunted loud when he pressed the tip of his cock into his tight ass. 

  Mark cried out, gripping the desk, and Peter kissed his neck softly, one hand groping his chest and the other taking his twitching cock. 

  "Easy, baby," Peter murmured, kissing him slow as he rocked his hips against him gently. "You're okay. Need me to stop?" 

  "N-No, fuck," Mark cried out through gritted teeth, sweat dripping down his neck. "Oh my god, fuck." 

  Mark's voice sounded so wet that for a moment Peter thought he was crying, and he was already shaking in his arms, but he didn't tell him to stop as he bottomed out. 

  He stayed like that for a moment, pressed against him close, holding him around the chest. He stroked his cock slowly and the bump of his boney knuckles was almost too much for Mark. He rocked his hips, trying to get any friction he could. 

  "Baby," Peter murmured against his throat. "Oh baby, baby." 

  Mark felt like he could feel him in his throat. He was shaking uncontrollably, desperately trying to stay still, but he couldn't. Mark hadn't stopped touching himself for those two weeks, but he never used any toys on himself, usually just jerking off quickly in the shower. He hadn't felt this full since two weeks prior. 

  "You're gonna kill me," Mark hissed, swallowing wetly. "D-Don't make me wait."

  Peter just laughed under his breath, slowly pulling out and thrusting back into him. It hurt – Peter knew it hurt, knew it was too much for him, knew that he was going to get sore for a few days. But neither he nor Mark tried to stop that. 

  He started fucking into him, slowly at first, but Mark kept squeezing around him and he had to will himself not to bust his load the second they started. Mark was going to kill him – it was the other way around. 

  Peter was sure Mark was going to kill him if he got any tighter. He continued to stroke his dick, squeezing ever so slightly when he fucked into him. His other hand found its way under his shirt and wrapped around one of his nipples, eliciting a needy whine.

  "I missed you," Peter said again, slamming into him now. "I thought about you every night, thought about fucking you, and-" 

  His voice choked off and he moaned, heart pounding in his chest. He could feel his cock pounding and throbbing and he knew he was going to come soon, trying to suppress the tight coil in his stomach. 

  "Me too," Mark whimpered, his voice crackling and now Peter was sure he was crying. "Needed to see you tonight-" 

  "Needed me?" Peter interrupted. "Why?"

  Mark was suddenly overwhelmed with affection. Peter was so quiet when he asked these questions, his words so full of love, so gentle. 

  "Because I," he started, and suddenly gasped. "I'm coming," he whined. 

  Peter fucked into him harder, suddenly hitting a spot that made Mark see stars, and he felt like he was paralyzed the way climax made his muscles tense, his dick twitching in Peter's boney fingers. 

  "I got you," Peter reassured him, holding him protectively. "Come for me, baby." 

  "Oh, fuck, I love you," Mark whispered, then cried out, "I love you, fuck, Peter!" 

  He came hard, squeezing tighter around Peter as Peter pumped his throbbing cock. Mark shot his load against Peter's palm, spilling down his hand on his arm. 

  Peter fucked into Mark so hard he could hear the desk creaking and he could feel Mark's pulse. 

  "Want me to pull out?" Peter asked, and Mark shook his head adamantly. 

  "I-I want to feel you come inside me," Mark murmured. "If you want to."

  "Gonna make a mess of you," Peter whispered, sucking a dark spot on his throat. 

  Peter came hard, Mark assuming it was the way he clamped down on him, Peter knowing that what truly got him off was the confession. He pinned him down and kept him pressed into the desk as he came, groaning so low it was more like a growl. He stayed nestled into him for a full minute before he moved at all, murmuring quiet thank yous as he held him. 

  "I love you too," Peter said after a moment, and slowly pulled out of Mark, watching the come spill from him. "I don't wanna wait two weeks to see you." 

  "No, me neither," Mark said. "I wish..." 

  "Come home with me," Peter whispered. "We can take a shower and go to bed." 

  Mark knew he was right, that nobody would notice them. He had broken into the department easily and the tapes were never checked. Nobody would see them. 

  "Okay, but I have to leave first thing in the morning," Mark said. 

  Peter knew he did. He knew that if he stayed, it would make things very, very complicated. Peter needed to hunt him. 

  "I know," Peter said, and opened his desk drawer to get a baby wipe. 

  The first place he cleaned was Mark, gently running the wipe over his thighs. They really were in love, Mark realized. And they would do anything to keep it from getting destroyed. 

Ao3 link btw:

[tojikai]

Drama, Pregnancy, Cheating, Trauma, and Mommy Issues. OH HOW I MISSED THIS STORY.

(I'm apologizing now because for each chapter I'm genuinely just going to send a long ask of my thoughts and reactions that I had while reading. Beware.)

Chapter: IX

The mommy issues and trauma really shone through during this chapter. Hate how I could relate. It truly sucks having a parent who's a good person but a bad parent. Y/N love please get therapy. If not for yourself at least for your baby. You deserve to have some peace of mind. Especially after everything she's gone through.

He’d only choose you if she wasn’t one of the choices. MA'AM. You can't keep throwing sentences in here like this. You keep breaking my heart. That just hurt 🥹

Imma need Rie to shut up and not start stuff. So glad she kept her mouth quiet when talking to our mother. But she genuinely needs to realize that the person at fault is not y/n. It's Hoetoru's. He was the one in a relationship. He cheated when he was in a relationship with Y/N idk why you thought he'd be loyal with you but whatever.

When I tell you I cheered when she said you're not my boyfriend. GET HIM GIRL.

I've never liked Suguru but I like your version of him. He makes me feel things and I quite frankly don't appreciate it 😭. I just keep thinking about those tattoos. Especially when he rolled his sleeves up at the bar. IT'S NOT FAIR.

Not Hoejo saying you locked him out like he lives there or something. My guy go home, she don't want you. Be like Elsa and let it go.

Please tell me that this is the beginning of a budding romance between y/n and Suguru because honey that would be a plot twist. She never gets back together with Hoetoru, her baby has 3 parents who are all present in their life and everyone gets therapy. I feel like that's not gonna happen though. I'm going to be sad by the end of this series aren't I? Sigh.

Why does he need to know about y'all's business? Y'all are two grown adults who did a bit of the Devil's Tango. It happens. Hoejo don't gotta know what y'all be doing on the down low. You're still gonna tell him aren't you Geto? Please don't.

I need Gojo to stop acting like a boyfriend and start acting like a father. All you need to do it take care of Y/N and the health of the baby. All this other mess is extra. We don't need extra. We need you to be a responsible adult for just one day. I know it's hard for you hun but at least pretend or something.

I JUST KNOW HE ISN'T TALKING. I had to sit away from my phone after Hoetoru got mad at Geto. He really said I know I'm not her boyfriend but.... That's when he should've stopped talking but no he just had to keep going. 🤦🏽‍♀️ You mad? Aw poor thing. Could've all been avoided if you just drove her home and let it be.

Maybe it's just me. But I don't see anything wrong with what y/n did with Suguru. Maybe it's just my fury toward Gojo distorting my values but honestly I'm not seeing how this is a betrayal. But whatever, if y'all feel guilty i can't do anything about that. But I promise you that this betrayal is nowhere near as bad as what Gojo did. But to each his own. Y'all are better than I'll ever be.

HOW COME GOJO GOT TO PUNCH HIM? SKIP YOUR FEELINGS HOE! THIS WOULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED IF YOU DIDN'T CHEAT. I HATE IT HERE.

Previous sentence cancelled Geto got to punch him too. Oh nononono please I can't, don't make me cry. I loved her first. *Sobs loudly* Suguru is a true friend and even if he doesn't get y/n I hope he gets some closure.

I think it's interesting how Gojo and Geto are like 2 sides of the same coin. Both are willing to go through heaven and hell for this woman to be happy. However, Gojo is selfish while Geto is more selfless. Gojo keeps trying to force something despite the discomfort and pain that he's causing y/n. When Geto was just willing to let his feelings go because he knew it'd make things easier in y/n. I'm sure there's some people out there who'd love having a partner like Gojo who's willing to fight. But sometimes the best course of action is letting go. Especially if it's for the happiness of the person that you love.

He poured his heart out to you and you still... I don't have the energy to be mad at you anymore. I'm just done.

Oh that ending. Way to keep us on our toes.

I think the main reason why I love this story so much is the way you write makes me so emotionally attached to these characters. If only Gojo didn't cheat. If only Geto didn't give up on his feelings towards y/n. If only Gojo didn't drive Rie home that day. If only. If only. If only. It breaks my heart knowing all the possible outcomes and how this story's ending is most likely going to be bittersweet. But I can definitely tell how much you love what you're doing and how hard you've worked on this. This takes a lot of skill, time, and energy. So thank you. I'm gonna cry so hard when I get to this epilogue.

wow omgg i really enjoyed reading this !! it's nice to read a new perspective about what yn and geto did. gojo's character didn't want to be angry abt it, really. he's just so hurt and he also thinks that he doesn't have the right to be hurt bc of what he did. it's like all actions that he can take can be valid yet also invalid at the same time. it opened up the situation between them and yn before all of it. AND i like how you compared gojo and geto's love for yn !! it's nice to know that someone would fight with their whole heart and never give you up but it's also great to know that someone would rather hurt and let you go if it means your happiness🥺anyways thank you soooo much for your support, that means A LOT to me <33 i hope you're doing well ~!!

[cheemken]

You got any headcanons or concepts you’d like to add to your AUs? I would share some of mine but I honestly can’t think of anything rn

Yeah I have like,, SilkWing au and villain au stuff hahaha

Idk, it's funny to think that SilkWing au Iris wears Lance's cape w pride, bc ofc, that's her dad's cape yknow, smth he always had, smth that gave him comfort too maybe, and he passed it down to her, going on how she's gonna be a great Dragon Master and Champion soon, and ofc she's not gonna let him down

Then there's villain au Iris who wanted nothing more than to take off that cape placed on her shoulders, wanted nothing more than to burn it until it's nothing but ashes, wanted nothing more than to lash out and rage and sob her almost empty heart out how heavy it was, being burdened by Lance's sins

Like imagine these two meeting tho, or switching places for like a day maybe cause I've been thinking abt this concept for a while, like these two switch and such hahah

And there's SilkWing au Iris, imagine that confrontation w Diantha right before the battle, and like yknow everyone fuckin stopped bc there's this sudden light and then it's gone and like everyone's fucking vibing. Then Iris is there, held in Hilbert's arms, she wakes up all "ow.. my head.. what happened?" She looks up, sees Hilbert, all "Hilbert! Wait, how did I get here in Unova?"

And ofc, that kinda,, set em off cause what does she mean by that she was always in Unova. "What..?"

She stands up, and sees the rest of her friends, "oh, everyone's here! What's going on? Last I remembered I was in Mahogany with Silver."

"Iris, what? Who's Silver?"

She gives him a look, "Hilbert, cmon, I always talk about my brother to you. You two even battled once! Don't tell me you forgot about him," shaking her head, she chuckled, "well, you are a bit scatterbrained."

Any other day, he would've shoved her playfully for that, they always tease each other and such yknow, but now he's just so confused. But still terrified that Diantha and even the champions were still w them. Iris was looking around now, sees the other champions, then turned, seeing Diantha at the other end of the field. She smiled, almost relieved really.

"mom! You're here!" Just as she was about to run to Diantha, Hilbert grabbed her hand, gripping tight. "Hilbert? What's wrong?" But Hilbert only looked at her w fear in his eyes, she never saw Hilbert like this before.

"Iris.. what did you call her..?"

Her head was honestly spinning, her friends know her parents, they've been to Johto, they even stayed w her for a few days. So why would he even ask that?

"Hilbert, you've met my parents already, why do you seem so surprised?"

And man just cjmdnd Diantha stepping in and telling Iris that her friends might just be tired doing their own things or smth, and Iris believing that yknow, almost going w Diantha. But like, Lance taught her better, the more she looked at Diantha, the more she noticed there was smth wrong. Her mother's eyes weren't cold like the ones before her right now.

Just as Diantha prompted her to follow her, so they could head back home, Iris stopped dead in her tracks. She looked at Diantha, at the other champions, then at her friends, then back to Dia.

"Uhm.. well, where is Silver, anyway? You said there was just a meeting set here in Unova, just for the Champions, but why isn't Silver here?"

And it was Lance who spoke, "Silver's at home, Iris. Now let's go home too."

But still, there was smth off, then she said, "okay, last one.. can you tell me why you two are here..?"

That stopped Diantha in her tracks, and Lance was there almost glaring at her.

"aren't.. aren't you two not Champions anymore? I'm Indigo's Champion now, and Silver became Kalos' Champion. Since we became Champion, the two of you stopped joining the meetings too. So.. why are you here..?"

Diantha chuckled at that. Smart girl. "You seem very aware now, impressive. A shame, you could've been a better Iris than what we have here."

And man was she pissed it took her a while to figure out. But Lance taught her abt body language, abt how to tell if someone is lying, he taught her how to be observant, to notice even the slightest of changes in ones demeanour, and ofc she's gonna make her father proud. But she knows how to retreat yknow, just as Diantha was abt to call out her pkmn, Iris called out her Charizard, commanding it to use smokescreen, giving her and the Unova kids time to escape.

[agirldying]

*possible TW for mentions of abuse and possible sa mentions I'm not sure so just adding this to be safe*

Hey Bun,

I'm sorry I've been sending a lot of asks lately and I know I sound like a broken record but last night I had like a breakdown/breakthrough?? I guess.

Like his mom came over to spend the weekend with us and last night we were up alone talking about things and I told her everything. Like I told her about all the abuse, the physical, mental and emotional abuse. I told her about the sexual abuse as well. Idk why I did it it's like I just started talking and I couldn't stop.

She told me she believed me, she said she remembers when i had told her about it this last February but like that time I didn't really go into any details. This time I told everything. No censor no changing things around no hiding anything. I just told the whole truth and how I felt and feel about it and I can't believe she actually believed me.

Like it felt so good to tell someone in my real life what happened and what I actually went through and for them to tell me they believed me, especially with her being my mother in law.

The only thing that I would say is negative out of this is that talking about it in full detail like that brought up a lot of details that were repressed?? I don't want to say forgotten because I was able to say them so easily and recall them so well but it's like parts that I usually can't remember. I guess that was because I wasn't hiding anything from her that those details came out idk.

I told her about the money and the ads and how he calls it swinging but that I didn't want to do it and that it was rape. She told me the same thing you told me that it was trafficking. I couldn't believe the words. She told me "he sold you to those men online, you could've died or caught some type of disease. That was so dangerous". Like just the weight of her words like the fact that she understands how serious that was it relieved me but also just broke me. Like hearing someone say he sold me just broke my heart all over again.

Like this is the first time ever that ive told someone in my real life who wasn't him so I didn't have to defend myself. I didn't have to hide how it makes me feel. I didn't have to fight about it or pretend it wasn't a big deal. And it hurt. It hurt for her to say that it was sexual abuse. It hurt to hear her say it was rape. It hurt to admit that the man I loved the most sold me to men I didn't know to be used. It hurt to admit that those things you read about or see on TV happened to me.

I think I've been going through like an episode of sorts the last few days especially but maybe it's been longer like a few weeks? I've just been having flashbacks so intensely and last night really triggered some new ones for me that I wasn't seeing before. I assume it's because I talked about it in so much detail but it felt good to actually tell someone who seems like they care.

She didn't tell me it was my fault she told me her son was sick, that it was a disgusting thing to do and that he didn't love me enough to protect me.

I guess really the hardest part for me is admitting I'm a victim of sex trafficking. Idk the weight of those words weighs so heavy on my mind it makes me sick. It makes me wish it never happened I just wish it would go away but it won't because it was the truth. It hurts me to know that I was sold to someone. That my body was worth a dollar amount, and sometimes not even that much.

I'm sorry this is really heavy and bad Bun, I think I really just like triggered myself. Maybe I re-traumatized myself by talking about what happened so vividly idk what happened. Its just like hurting again like it just happened all over again and all I wanted to do was be heard.

Anyway thank you so much for reading as always and thank you so much for your kindness and support. I hope you're doing okay.

Hey dying-weeds,

Please never apologize for sending me asks, that's what my inbox is intended for and it's nice to hear from you.

I know it was really rough but I think it's ultimately a good thing that you told her and that she was accepting about it. I'm so glad that she supports and believes you, I think it's so important for you to have someone like that in your life right now.

I can definitely understand how it's painful to be told that you're a sex trafficking survivor, among other things. But I think that there's some level of power in having a name for it, and also being able to identify it so that you can process it. But that's obviously at your own pace.

I think a lot of these traumas are still very fresh for you so it makes sense that it was very triggering to talk about the details with her. Please practice self-care during this time, drink plenty of water, rest, maybe have a bubble bath or something relaxing that you can enjoy. You've been through so much and you deserve some time to recover.

I hope I could help. I'm here if you want to comment on this or if you need to talk in the future. Thank you for the kind words and yes I am doing okay, thank you for asking.

[deafearsdiary]

Effort + Worth

I've finally been released from the shackles. Thank God !!!! It finally feels like I have my mind back, it's so nice. I've missed being able to think about other things and get things done. I've had several conversations, and I've come to the conclusion that I need to be the one to stop putting in my all, first. This doesn't mean I have to change the person that I am, or stop loving the way that I do. It just means that I'm going to be the pursuee not the pursuer.

Another memory had gotten unlocked the other day that made me realize a big reason as to why I felt okay moving on. I didn't feel like you appreciated me. Briefly, I'll jog your memory. This was after I wanted to be with you, I ended up telling a friend about our relationship. And apparently you wanted her sister, but she didn't want you. I guess you didn't like being rejected and you came at me very upset about the fact that I told my friend about us. (It wasn't my fault by the way, because my friend had already had intel about you, I guess I was just the connection that turned me into the scapegoat.) You were very upset about it and I couldn't gage why because you told me you weren't even ready for a relationship. You literally said it to me. And then told me in the next breath that you basically would've seen where stuff would go with her if she had been up to it.

Ouch, right? I obviously felt like you punched me in the face and then stomped all over my heart. I'm pretty sure you heard how messed up it sounded, how messed up it was, after you said it out loud. From that day I knew I'd never be appreciated by you like I should be. Like I want to be. Which is why our relationship never got deeper than it was. I don't know, maybe you saw yourself being with a particular person, or maybe me and my baggage just wasn't what you were into, and trying to take on. I think that you were trying to have your cake and eat it too. I think that even though I wasn't your first choice, we could've been happy, comfortable, satisfied, in love, take your pick. You were never ready and I think that was bull. Because like you said, you would've been ready for her.

It hurt really badly finding that out honestly, because of how I felt about you, and how I thought you felt about me, it made me feel like I was just another number in your phone. Just another thing to do. Something to pass your time. I know that I was so easy to get away because you weren't really trying to keep me in the first place. Because you know you could've had me if you wanted me. But you didn't. And idk, maybe you never did. Maybe you didn't want to hurt me or maybe you thought I just didn't know the truth and you wanted to just keep me around for just in case.

I've taken a step back because I can't keep on looking like a clown for real. I can't keep on being the one in every relationship putting in the most effort, loving the most, trying the hardest, showing the most affection and attention. It's how I end up screwing myself. A little while ago, my friend asked me a question: Do you think that a man or a woman should love the other more in the relationship? My answer is complex. I think that it doesn't matter sometimes, it's just that the love that's given needs to be selfless, not selfish. But that's hard to do for most people. But also, in most cases I think the man needs to love the woman more. Because, naturally, it's easier for the woman to love hard and be affectionate and appreciative. Do right by their spouse. But with all that a man has to do and be for the woman, in order to love her properly, he needs to love her more than she loves him. In my experience, I haven't had that. I've always loved more. Which has caused me to be put on the back burner more often than not. With the type of person I am, it's just in me to love hard. To put in a lot of effort, to be very outspoken with how I'm feeling, and to want to be loved the way I give it. I understand not everyone is like me, but I'm also aware that everyone puts effort and time into what they want.

I don't ever like to say what I deserve, because I can't really be sure about what I deserve or not, but I think I deserve the type of love that I give. Because I don't do anything half assed, especially not love because it's so important to me. I think that it's only fitting that I am to be with someone that will put the utmost attention, effort, care, and love into being with me. It shouldn't just be all on me, whether I'm the pursuer or not. I hate the fact that I couldn't find that person in you. It's sad and exhausting to think that I still have to wait for him. And I guess to some extent I'm still wanting you to think that life would be better with me. That it would be something to work towards. That I'm the person that you work to have and keep. I want to be wanted by you in that way, but I'm sure that's reaching.

I don't want you to think that I have any hard feelings towards you. Because I don't. I know what happened between us was supposed to. I think that maybe I could've been your way out to a better path than what you were going down, but that's just a theory I conjured up. God knows why. We both probably didn't handle things the best way we could've, given what we were already into, but it is what it is. My heart might always yearn, but at least my mind is a bit freer. I, all of a sudden, don't picture our lives together anymore, because after the radio silence after my last question, I understand that that's not what you want or where you are. Probably never has been. I do hope that these decisions you make are what's best for you, because I never want you to fail or be unhappy. Even if I can't be the one to make you happy.

But I do wish you were happy with me.

Not Another Love Song- Ella Mai

[weapon-ish]

idk if my ex will ever see this but hey? hey? i never stopped loving you and it broke my heart when i just never heard from you again. you were and are important to me and i didn't do enough to show that. i just want to know that you're alive and okay. i never changed this url bc i was hoping maybe you'd come back to check one day. it's been nearly six or seven years and i have thought of you every day, every single day. i texted you last month just to see. no response, of course, but...

i was not perfect, i know. young, and thought i knew so much when i really didn't. i really, really didn't. there was a lot going on on both ends. and i'm sorry. i wish i had tried harder. i wish we'd ever really met, just to tell you at least one time in person that you're one of the most incredible people i have ever known. i hope you're still drawing, and writing, and being you.

if you maybe want to know a little of what's happened - i have a wife now! and a girlfriend, and a nice polycule with her partners. my wife is lovely and wonderful, she makes music, loves chess and philosophy, and she's a good mum to our cats. my gf is amazingly good with computers and carpentry. they're both incredibly kind.

i made friends irl, good ones, caring ones, people who held me up when i was down. people i love. i lost that piercing job, they were ableist shitheads; but i'm still thankful because that job led me to my friends. i was... semi-homeless for a while, but that was all fine, infinitely better than it could've been. i made it! now i live with my wife and two cats, beautiful orange twin cats, you would love them i think. i still talk to ro (vi, now) and g sometimes. they're doing well.

that boy i liked? do you remember? he turned out to be a terrible, terrible idea, but i learned a lot from him - i think you would've laughed, he managed to cheat on me in an open relationship, it was really honestly funny in hindsight. i regret that i went to california to see him and not you. oh, to be an eighteen year old fool in a doomed love!

life is pretty good, i think. the disability has progressed but i am okay with it. i make art, crochet mostly. in a lot of ways, i'm healthier. i'm nineteen months sober! no aa, just... rawdogging it. i'm happier with myself than i was when you knew me. i hope you're happier, too.

a lot happened, so so so much... i wished often that i could tell you. that you could tell me. i wonder a lot about how life has been for you. i can only really tell you what happened with me.

if you ever see this, i loved you, i still do, and i'm sorry things fell apart like that. if you want to talk, i'm still here. as a friend. i miss you. my number never changed. i'd just... like to confirm that you're okay? so if you want to send a message, maybe, i'd like that. i really would.

[senthefen]

OK SO, Scintilla or Scinty(what her close friends call her) is my Hazbin Hotel OC.

Scintilla was born in 1921 in a low class family so her and her parents had to work a lot to get by. Because of this she had to work as a child. However when she turned 18 her parents found her a rich suitor to marry, if you couldn't guess, she didn't care for this but she did what she had to do to provide for her family. But, it wasn't all bad, her husband may have been a royal dunce but she put up with him, she had money, a gorgeous house, fancy clothes, and the maids were nice. After a few months of this new life, she met a maid named Elise; she was beautiful, kind, and knew how to make Scintilla laugh. They got close rather quickly. People noticed, yes, but no one could've guessed how close. Before Scintilla even knew what was happening, she had had an affair with Elise. This continued for three years. They loved each other with every ounce of their bodies. But Scintilla had enough; why should she have to sneak around with the love of her life? Sure, maybe she was getting a little ahead of herself but living in that house with that man, pretending like she cared, was driving her crazy. So she decided they would leave. They would run away together and they could live the life they knew they could never have in this world. To say Elise was ecstatic over the idea was an understatement. It was decided then. They'd run away and live in the woods somewhere where no one would find them and everything would be just perfect.. only it wasn't. Because who were they kidding? Of course they would be found and where they go and with what money? There was no way Scintilla was gonna let some inferior, trivial things like that get in the way of her life with Elise.

So she killed him.

Her husband couldn't stop them if he was dead. She'd get his fortunes and they'd have all the money they needed. It was perfect. Why wouldn't she kill him? It's not like she ever cared about him. Sure, Elise might be a little upset at first but she'd understand, right? Then again, she couldn't be upset if she didn't know. Then she hears the sirens. Why were there sirens? There shouldn't be any sirens. No one saw. Right? She didn't mess this up, she couldn't mess this up. If the police caught her she'd be killed and she couldn't live with Elise. They couldn't happen. Scintilla ran. She ran as far as she could, letting her adrenaline take over. It's fine. It'll be fine. I'll just say I was at the market then I'll be excused and Elise and I can continue with the original plan. Yeah, it'll work. Once night came Scintilla went back to the manor to clear things with the police and find Elise. When she got back there were police everywhere. She went up to them and asked what was going on. Next thing she knew she was in the back of a police car. Where's Elise? The ride to the station couldn't have felt any longer. [pretend there's a trial and what not here, idk legal stuff. btw Scinty and Elise had separate trials] Elise didn't have anything to do with this. Why won't they listen to at least that?! Who was she kidding, of course no one would listen to her. Why would they?

It was a few nights after the trial ended. She had been found guilty of 1st degree murder. She was set to be put to death via electric chairs in a matter of days. And she couldn't do anything about it. Finally it was the day of the execution. Scintilla sat in the chair as they strapped her in and prepared everything. It was time.

I never got to say goodbye to Elise..

aaaand I'm too lazy to write more. ANYWAYSS that's how they died. Elise was also executed but she got sent to heaven cause she's a sweet heart. Scinty didn't, obviously. and if It wasn't obvious Scinty is based on an electric eel, a play off her death. I didn't expect to actually make this a story so, who knows, maybe I'll post this on ao3 or somethin 🤷 HOPE YOU ENJOYED <3 (side note the ending was longer and frankly better but I forgot to save it and it all got deleted 😭)

[stars-that-fell-over]

Is it just me or was anyone else left feeling unsatisfied watching S2?

Initially, I was hyped when I first saw the trailer. Don't get me wrong there was some good moments and I appreciated the new locations and costumes which were lovely. Something was lacking and I can't explain it properly but one of my issues with this new season were some of the the characters arcs. I just have a lot feelings about it.

Yennefer can't catch a break. I don't even know where to begin. She was heartbroken in s1 felt lonely witnessed a bunch of mages and innocent people die in horrific ways. Then, she tried saving them despite being exhausted and heavily injured only to get immediately captured /kidnapped later. Not once, but twice! Add in the fact, her magic was taken away for idk reasons I guess.

She got some half assed congratulations and thanks despite her being the main reason why they were able to keep Nilfgaards forces at bay.

Afterwards, Stregobor cornered her in a dark hall where he forcefully breached her mind and as we've seen it was obviously very painful and distressful but what made it worse was the fact that she was powerless and couldn't do anything to save herself in this situation (Gave me some Rylo mind torturing Poe vibes).

The council starts to suspect she maybe a spy which is fucking ridiculous when you stop to think about it. Yen is forced to go on the run while the same people she saved put a bounty on her head.

Her attempts to sacrifice Ciri felt hella OC because we all know how much she always deeply wished for a child of her own. Game and book Yen would never. It felt like a huge disservice. Wished we could've had more bonding scenes between Ciri and Yennefer.

I'm low-key irked how Jaskier was gleefully reveling in the fact Yen lost her powers ya know despite the danger she put herself in for saving his ass. Not to mention the fact how casually he speaks of possibly having to kill her like wtf.

Homeboy really said, "Oh she def would sacrifice your kid to some demon for her own benefit." Cut to the next scene with Geralt, he changes his mind apparently and was like, "Yeah no I don't think she'd go thru with something like this."

The final battle scene felt a little underwhelming and rushed given Yen's efforts were wasted since that red rock and potion was rendered useless. What was even the point of it? having her reopen her scars only for an evil demon to possess her was just fucked up. 😬 I'm glad they were safe in the end although I felt like a lot of the other witchers deaths could've been avoided if there was more communication and cooperation. Everyone was trying to do their own thing. So many deaths were unnecessary.

My heart is weeping for Fringilla given that it's heavily implied that she was sexually assaulted/raped when she was imprisoned. Then it's brushed aside and never mentioned again. Her uncle is a dick for never attempting to help his niece in some way. The fact that nobody tried. 😭

Cahir's interactions with Yen were gold. I'm a sucker for enemies to reluctant allies trope. It almost appeared as if he was sympathetic towards the deplorable way Elves were being treated given that he attempted to help Yen save Dermain in the sewers. All that gets tossed down the drain once he returns to Cintra given how hostile and aggressive he was treating Dara like he didn't learn a damn thing. Which is a disappointment.

Vilgefortz relationship with Tissaia felt so random. Also, his behavior seems sus af.

[columboscreens]

there are definitely flaws with It's All in the Game but the same is true of even a lot of the best loved classic episodes. I personally find Spielberg's episode overrated because it's a bog-standard murder story, it is a good looking episode but the plot is meh and it's full of the worst murder mystery cliches like the insertion of an incompetent blackmailer who invariably becomes another victim -- a cliche repeated throughout the series

personally I rank It's All in the Game up near the best of the classic series. maybe it's not as good as Prescription Murder, Ransom for a Dead Man, Death Lends a Hand, Short Fuse, or Forgotten Lady, but I'd still put it in my top ten for the entire Columbo canon

(most of those listed above have flaws too, everything does, and a lot is personal taste as to which flaws are the worst ones)

I didn't know he had written it in the 70s, but that does explain why it feels so much more like a classic Columbo episode than most of the other revival episodes felt like to me

also I know they're movies not episodes but. hard habit to break tbh

anyway my biggest problem is the way it ends. imo he should've let them both go, the guy they killed was abusing them and threatened to kill one of them, they had no recourse. go to the cops? cops wouldn't have done a thing and the guy would've retaliated violently. and you know there's no way they'd get a fair trial even if they pled self-defense

Columbo to me has always been like... some mythical good cop, the kind that doesn't exist in real life or would get murdered by his fellow cops if he did. he carries no gun, he's compassionate to murderers he meets, he tells suspects to stop talking & get a lawyer... he sets up one of his fellow cops (who outranks him!) to incriminate himself by trying to frame a crook, that can't have made Columbo very popular with his fellow cops

I just felt like when Columbo knew the whole story he should've helped them both. again, it could be worse, he could've arrested both. but even setting aside my personal morality, it'd be so great to see him let a killer go, even if you didn't agree that it was right -- maybe especially if audiences didn't agree it was the right thing to do. idk

anyway I love the Columbo resurgence. I was lucky to see a bunch of episodes in reruns as a kid when my grandparents had satellite TV, so I've been a fan long before he started to get big again on tumblr -- not that it matters or I'm bragging, just giving context to say it's really great to see people watch old stuff and become new fans of it because it's so good

oh yeah, every columbo has its flaws, it's just a matter of personal taste as to which ones are most egregious.

i do think murder by the book is easy to laugh at now as bog-standard and "overrated", but it was truly groundbreaking when it hit TVs. that's really the beauty of it, anyway--columbo needed to start somewhere and establish a formula.

i do agree that the script for it's all in the game being written in the 70s definitely comes through. the episode itself has some 90s cheesiness to it that i don't think it would have had if actually made in the 70s (and i do wish it was), but underneath is a very real and interesting type of story.

i don't think columbo should've let both of them go as i think that'd cross over into going against the heart of his character--he is a "good cop", but no matter how justified they may have been in their act, they've still ended another person's life. the one time he does let a perp go is only because she has a terminal degenerative brain disease and no longer even remembers the murder.

the man isn't judge judy, nor executioner for that matter. he just gathers enough evidence to prove to everyone that you did you what you did

besides which, if lauren staton can afford good lawyers (she can) and provide proof that her ex boyfriend was a two-timing piece of shit who wanted to kill her (she probably can) then she likely wouldn't have ended up serving that much time anyway. i think columbo knew that, too.

more about this and some of the mcgoohan episodes under the cut since this post is already so long....

i'm not sure where i'd rank it, myself. probably not top 10 all time columbos, but i would certainly rank it amongst the originals simply because it dares to push columbo's character in a way that's high quality, believable, and fun to watch, all while retaining his aura of mystery.

it makes me wonder how that episode would've come out if patrick mcgoohan had directed it. i don't always agree with mcgoohan's interpretations of columbo's character, but he dared to innovate and dared to usher the character into new territory with high-quality technique, and i think that alone is commendable. even last salute to the commodore where columbo is clearly stoned is a commendable entry because it's (at least in my eyes) not a failure of an episode, it's a sharp self-parody of the series as a whole.

take by dawn's early light. we're shown his quarters, which is groundbreaking stuff. hell, link & levinson balked at showing columbo's office in earlier seasons, let alone where he's retiring for the evening.

we may have inferred that columbo would be driven so mad by a case detail that he'd get out of bed in the middle of the night, but we actually get to SEE that here. we get to see him padding around in an undershirt at 3am, kept awake by ballistic detail, then waking up in the morning and washing up. it's not earth-shattering, but it's one of many meaningful peeks into the character's workings hallmarked by the mcgoohan episodes.

plus, i mean. need i say more

in identity crisis, where mcgoohan directs and exerts far greater control over the story, we get to see columbo made really uncomfortable in one of the most masterfully-done cat-and-mouse bouts in the series. agent brenner reads him front to back (NERVOUS? want a CIGAR to CALM DOWN huh lieutenant?? lemme mock you with your wife's favorite song while i take off your protective carapace)

so it makes me wonder how he would've tackled it's all in the game! combined with faye dunaway, i think it would've really elevated things even further. though they were both divas so perhaps the whole thing would've just imploded lmao