#he did it because fearne didn't want to and they felt responsible

[captainkingsley]

i will Not comment on posts with stupid takes about Ashton I will Not,

(proceeds to ramble in my own tags because idk where else to dump this)

[tangent101]

Laudna and Apologies

It was quite telling that Laudna did not apologize during the events of the last game. But there is also a certain... how to put it? I understand the mindset of Laudna in not apologizing... and that is the mindset of the addict and on not wanting to admit fault for her actions.

However, there are two things that happened that I think are going to change things. First, Laudna got her hit. She was given the dagger and sucked it in and sated Delilah's hunger. She gave in. And now the need is... lessened. Delilah will want more, don't doubt that for one moment. She will continue to try and erode Laudna's will. (I have to wonder if the next Will save will be a 19 or 20 to resist, seeing she empowered Delilah.)

Much more importantly, Imogen confronted her. She confronted Laudna not with accusations... but with love. And the look on Imogen's face even as she told Laudna "I love you" just shocked Laudna so immensely because this isn't the first time Imogen has watched Laudna succumb to her addiction. And the first time it happened, Imogen said "You lied!" and fled from Laudna, leaving her alone on the deck of the airship.

Look at what happens in that scene. You see Laudna go from defensive and hostile to panicked and scared at Imogen's actions. She was truly scared she had just lost Imogen. (And Imogen's words... when Laudna asked, almost plaintively, "Do you still love me?" and she responds with "I'll always love you, Laudna. I just don't know what to do with it." Ouch. This was just so... tragic and beautiful and delicious.)

She tries to... downplay it a bit. She tries to... handwave things away, saying "I've always been a lot." Imogen says "Fun scary" and after a tiny bit... I think Laudna caught something in the tone. Or Imogen's facial expression. "Still more fun than scary though, right?" And Imogen's "uh huh" just... didn't quite hold true. Laudna had to ask "Yeah?" and that pause before Imogen said "Yeah." Not supportive. Not handwaving away Laudna's scarying. No. There was thought there. There was the fact Laudna scared Imogen.

That's when Laudna broke. "I didn't mean it. I didn't mean it." Imogen doesn't respond, just holding her close... one last "I didn't mean it" with Imogen finally responding "I know." The desperation. The need. I think this broke through to Laudna. This was the moment she truly realized what she has to lose.

People comment on Laudna hitting the bottom before she can start to climb out. I think she just did. I think that she's realized at this moment the complete betrayal she did. She was so angry at Ashton for what he and Fearne did. (She wanted that Shard. She needed that Shard. And she was refused it.) She felt he betrayed them all. And then what does Laudna do but steal the blade that she herself stated was Orym's to do with. She hurt him in her hunger. She acted as a thief and refused to accept responsibility, she blamed Orym for what happened rather than her own actions.

And Imogen just broke through that denial, that need. She did this with her love. She did by supporting her and in doing so reminding her what she could truly lose if she followed this path.

Something in me suspects that Laudna's going to apologize at the start of the next game. It's needed. But it's not needed for Orym. It's not even needed for the Hells. It's needed for Laudna herself. It's said that an addict cannot start to recover until they realize they have a problem. (I know this from personal experience with a spouse who was a high-functioning alcoholic.) And while an apology won't be what fixes everything, while Laudna is going to continue to struggle with Delilah... she just had a huge scare here. Imogen never threatened to leave. But Laudna was suddenly petrified that every time Imogen said "I love you" that there was a "but" attached, that Imogen was going to leave.

(Orym made a Pact with the Fatestitcher. He openly admitted to this to everyone. Might not Imogen be the next to make a Pact, to have Nana Morri replace Delilah as her Patron... but not as a selfish and greedy Patron, but one that is perhaps more... whimsical and less demanding? I was quite surprised Laura didn't approach Nana Morri or ask her what could be done. Then again, she might very well have felt Laudna could handle it.)

tl;dr - Laudna's likely going to apologize at the start of the next episode thanks to Imogen just loving her and not pushing her away while also not condoning her actions.

[crayistic]

Feeling abit down today for no apparent reason -_-

So I thought i was write a post about last night's CR, so if you arnt caught up there will be SPOILERS ahead for CR3E78.

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Ok so I posted a rant on how I felt after E77 because my mind felt like it was going to explode. I spoke withsomeone about how i was hoping Matt would deal with the situation and as always he went one even better with Ashton rejecting the Shard. In my opinion this episode was brilliant, couldn't have been any better.

Matt having the shard rejected leaves it open to the possibilities of the emperor and empress storyline and if Fearne does choose to accept it, I'm still so excited to see a more powerful version of her, plus I think she deserves it. I know alot of people are getting feels about the fact that she said she didn't want it, but to me i don't feel like she doesn't want the shard. I feel like she doesn't want the possibility of turning evil and the fear of the shard being a catalyst of that is why she doesn't want it. However in the end if she accepts that and still chooses not to have it, then for sure fukl support.

The way Ashton dropped his guard, took responsibly for his selfishness and just down right shitty behaviour wad the best way to go for me. Don't get me wrong, doesn't change that he did a shit thing but I really can't think of a better way Tal could have played it. I still think Ashton is cryptic with the way he speaks sometimes but I do feel like I fully understand where he is coming from. When one of then said to him about being power hungry and he said it wasn't about that it's about being whole, I was sat there watching and said those exact words just before he said them. There is still alit of work to do, but being humble and accepting that gives me alot of hope. I'm looking forward to more conversations between him and fearne to explore what happened more.

Now Chetney... man I bow down to you sir. I adore this little man so much and he really stood out to me this ep so I just wanted to give him some appreciation aswell as laudna and the doll she made for Ashton. They all keep saying how broken they are, but it still doesn't really feel like they know and accept how actually broken you can be. The way Imogen has some crazy immeasurable power yet in the moment Laudna ran off she looks so powerless... one of the best things i enjoy so much watching CR is Laura when she is completely in character but sat there, not interacting with anyone at the time, however you can see her going through the motions. Just brilliance.

I'm just rambling now, this isn't very well put together lol but after last week I just felt like I wanted to say this episode was perfect to me, I love how it went and I can't wait for the next!

[big-moon-little-moon]

After Orym met Dorian he, for the first time since Will's death, felt that maybe, just maybe, someday he will be able to love this way again. But he wasn't ready and he was not done, he had to find those responsible for his family's death and make sure it wasn't for nothing, that the Tempest was safe.

And there was Dorian, wonderful, kind, sweet Dorian who just wanted to be free from his past and live his own way after he was always the second in everything, the second choice, the second son, the back up plan. Orym was not going to make Dorian feel like that ever again and right now he wasn't ready but Dorian understood that. Dorian has waited for things his whole life, he was good at waiting and knew the good things are worth waiting for.

Dorian who made Orym feel a little bit safer again, who was the first person Orym let himself get close to. Who hugged and held him at night like he wasn't held in 6 years. It was a different feeling, it was never going to be the same feeling but... it was good. It was warm. He was able to sleep again and wake up strong enough to train and work out to get better, to keep these new people safe.

Dorian who Orym has started making flowers for, just like he always has for the important people. Blue ones. Orym knew flowers and when he first made these ones, subconsciously, while absent-mindedly looking at Dorian and Fearne still asleep, he looked at them with surprise (and a bit of warmth... and a bit of pain). Blue flowers which, he knew this, are supposed to represent desire, love and striving for the unreachable. And hope. And beauty. Does Dorian know that? He said they were beautiful and he put them in his hair. Beauty and hope.

Dorian who had to leave but it was alright, they both weren't done with their past, they had stuff to take care of. And it was hard but it was fine, they had time, Orym was still in pain and Dorian didn't want to go but it was just temporary. They both knew that. It wasn't a goodbye, it was a see you later. They had time, for the first time in a long time Orym thought. They were going to see each other again. And so Orym always remembered to message Dorian and even though Dorian jokingly said to not call him everyday, he was responding within minutes every time.

Dorian who Orym missed every day and waited for him to message that he is coming back.

Dorian who was away but it's good because it meant he was safe. "Glad you're not here. Wish you were anyway".

Dorian who told him and Fearne not to die.

Dorian who Orym thought about as he was going down, just after he had thought about his husband and his father, as he failed, as he was on the ground and reached for the stone, as he didn't have time didn't have time didn't have

Dorian who felt the message come through the sending stone but there were no words, the stone buzzed, he was sure it did but it was like... static.

"...hello?"

[catsandrandomness]

Alright I've had too many thoughts about episode 78 so now they are getting typed out today. Everyone was so fucking hard on Ashton and it felt only like... half deserved.

Laudna was understandable because she was having a bad time in Whitestone to begin with and left because she didn't want to do anything she would regret later.

Chetney told them to leave and never come back because they could've hurt Fearne, and everybody else, with this bad decision. Then he says he would have left if he didn't think he had his own stuff under control. Chetney you DID hurt your teammates. More than once! And I know it was weird circumstances and all that but you BIT someone, the number one rule you were given by every other were-person you interacted with! When FCG tried to kill you your response was "oh cool, can we make that happen on command?" So I don't think Chetney should be the one saying Ashton should leave because he put Fearne in danger.

Fresh Cut Grass was very out of line. Telling Ashton that they don't care about anyone or anything. And I know Letters wasn't always around when Ashton was showing care but all I had in my head was a series of scenes that showed how much he actually does care. Ashton was the one guarding FCG's unconscious body after the little robot went murderous and everyone else resorted to violence and Laudna was ready to KILL. Ashton pulling Orym out of fights and jumping in the river to grab Laudna and trying to keep the attention of danger off the more fragile party members in every battle. Ashton walking Prism away when Laudna killed Bordor because this was her first real adventure and she didn't need to see that. Ashton talking with members of the group that seem to be having a rough time. Ashton going on a rant that Letters makes him happy so please stop treating yourself as expendable because I know you like making me happy. Fresh Cut Grass saying "No, I don't think you do care about me" after asking Ashton to list even one thing they care about. Using Ashton's words against them from back when they wanted to keep a safe distance, despite it being very clear Ashton was over the "I don't make friends" stage.

Ashton made a big mistake, but they were the one who proposed taking a little time to remind each other that despite any stupid decisions in the future, they all "if not like, then love each other."