#he hates Christmas because of this

[im-totally-not-an-alien-2]

Halloween prompts no 29

This one might hurt you btw

Project Bird was an attempt to create a weapon by generically engineering a child with the DNA of all three Robins in hopes he would have the best qualities of each of them.

Unfortunately the only subject they were able to produce was physically unstable due to the over-abundance of DNA and repeated tampering of his genetic code. The project was deemed a failure and all information and proof of it was to be terminated, including the child.

One guard offered to put the kid down himself but actually helped the kid fake his death. However once they were alone and outside for the first time in the childs life the kid bolted.

He lived on the streets for a few weeks, acting as the bane of candy stores and burger shops until someone nearly caught him and he fled the city. He snuck onto a greyhound bus by holding on the the end of a woman's coat while she was boarding, making the bus driver think he was hers.

Next thing he knew he was in a new city and he started all over again. This process repeated for a few months until he became interested in some weirdos in colorful outfits yelling about ghosts. He would have ignored them if not for the shiny weapons they were carrying about. Plus they seamed powerful...so of course he needed to steal them! That way he'd be able to protect himself better!

Long story short there was a portal and he left that place with the weapons, the disassembled parts to aforementioned portal, and with cool new superpowers. Yeah, he lost part of his life(?) but in his mind it was so worth it. He sets the portal up in Gotham because that place is strange enough that if something ghostly happened no one would bat an eye right? Plus his dads were here and he really wanted to meet them, even if they didn't know he was thier son.

Christmas eventually came but he wasn't cold. Not since he got used to his ice powers. He thought for a while there that he was going to go full Elsa but no, he just needed to let it out, not let it go. His own little batcave became nice and cozy. Just him. No crazy scientists, no cruel guards to mock and flick cigarette butts at him, no tubes or wires. Just the cold darkness he had always associated with safety.

Thats why the lights bothered him so much. In the labs, red and orange lights meant they were prepping the experiment rooms and that meant he was going to be in a lot of pain soon. It was no wonder he hated "Christmas lights". He also couldn't stand the smell of the pine trees people were dragging in, it reminded him of the cleaning agent they used on his cage and how it burned his skin if he touched it when it before it dried.

As much as he loved the safely of his newly dubbed "birdcage" he needed to go out and hunt for food. He Skulked through alleyways and picked pockets like a pro, the powers were so useful, even at the cost of him having to eat more. He made sure to memorize the patrol patterns of the bats and birds, which was why he was so surprised when Red Hood jumped down to him in the rich side of town while he was looking through the small army of wallets.

"I'm assuming those aren't yours."

The former experiment hissed at him, like actually hissed as he covered the goods with his body like an animal, "They are now! Go away!"

There was an embarrassingly short scuffle in which the kid lost. He didn't have the greatest control of his powers not that he would let Hood see him use them anyway, but he made sure to put dents in the mans leather jacket with his little teeth so he didn't win completely unscathed. Red Hood just seemed amused by this though and carried the kid curled up under his arm like a sack of potatoes.

Phantom (the name he chose for himself) really hoped they weren't heading for the police station. He kinda guessed those guys who made him never looked for him, but he couldn't help but to be paranoid. To avoid being taken to jail, and possibly killed, he asked the question that had been burning a hole in his head the past few weeks, "Were you a Robin?"

The way the man stiffened but didn't answer, but fortunately it became his means to escape.

Once he was back at the birdcage he began to review all his facts, he was 75% sure Nightwing was a one of his dads, 100% sure Red Robin was one and about 60% sure with Red Hood. He liked to analyze things, it calmed him down and helped him think he was more in control than he actually was. They never told him anything when he was in the labs. He loved learning new things and making friends and memories. His thought always circled back to his dads. Were they like him? Did they like learning and analyzing and talking to people? Would they want him if they knew about him?

Would they take him to a museum or teach him how to use a cell phone? Would he have to be a Robin? He didn't want to. It sounded scary and they had to fight a lot. He never admitted it out loud but he felt ashamed to be so afraid of combat seeing as that was his main purpose in life. Plus there was a new Robin who was very good at his job. Would he have to fight the new guy like a gang initiation? He hoped not, that sword reminded him too much of the scalpels. Never again.

.

.

.

His opinion changed a few months later. His body, the human half, was beginning to "degrade" whatever that meant. The clock ghost who gave him cookies didn't tell him what that really meant. Only that Phantom was dying. Phantom didn't want to die, he had only just begun to live! It hurt everywhere and it just wouldn't stop.

He made the decision to go to his dads. All he could tell them was that it hurt. It hurt so much he was crying. He never cried. Everything after that was spotty, like he was falling asleep and waking up over and over again but without ever leaving his dreams.

When he woke up again it was Spring and it didn't hurt anymore, but new challenges came soon after. His dads knew about him now and somehow knew about Project Bird too. None of them seemed happy, only sad and angry.

Were they angry he existed? Sad they had to deal with him? That must be it. Everytime he talks about the labs they look angry and he bolts off to hide under or behind something. Usually furniture.

Everytime he flinches from raised voices or sharp objects they look sad. Many times the Robin, Damian, would raise his katana almost as if suggesting something but Nightwing, Dick, would tell him no. Red Hood would argue about how they should "avenge thier son" or something. But Phantom was still alive? What was there to avenge?

One night his Grandpa was reading the newspaper while his Great Grandpa did something in the kitchen. Phantom sat there on the sofa staring at his reflection in the TV screen. He knew how to turn it on and stuff but he didn't understand how he was supposed to use it. Was he just supposed to...watch? And listen? Without interacting at all?

He only vaguely listened to two of his dads from where they were sitting in the nearby chairs bickering about what his name should be. He thought Phantom was a perfectly fine name for both his ghost and human halfs but apparently he was wrong.

His final dad, Tim came up behind him with a glass of water and asked, "What are you doing?"

Danny looked up from his own reflection towards his last dads and something clicked, "Oh, I have your eyes."

An wierd look his didn't understand crossed his fathers face and the sound of shattering glass sent him bolting up the stairs to safety. He hid under a guest rooms bed clutching some of the star shaped knives he had stolen from his uncle, because if Damian used them then they must be good.

Phantom never blamed Tim for his accidents. He was taking it way better than Dick, who was trying to be a brother instead of a father and tried to shove the father role onto Grandpa.

Jayson was the best of the three and was always willing to spend time with him. He was even teaching him how to read! He got him these cool light up shoes! He had never had shoes before! Dad even taught him how to color and was showing him how to aim a nerf gun and throw footballs and all sorts of stuff.

Tim was close behind showing him how to organize his thoughts and giving him life advise and answering all his questions. He even gave Phantom an old Wayne tech tablet of his to play on so long as he didn't mess with any of the settings.

Dick never liked being called Dad, or more specifically "one of" his dads. He overheard him talking on the phone with someone and appearently it wasn't that Phantom was his clone son that bothered him, it was the fact that he was a baby made between him and his brothers and it freaked him out. He knew he wasn't being fair and mentioned someone named Connor and how disappointed he would be if he knew.

Phantom just wishes he knew what to do to make everything better. But what can a six year old reasonably do in this situation?

[magnetothemagnificent]

Anyway, "Scrooge" should actually mean "wealthy capitalist who doesn't care about the lives and welfare of their workers, even on Christmas", not "person who happens not to like Christmas".

The overly cheerful corporate ads spreading "Christmas cheer" and then making their employees work overtime without pay during the holiday season are the actual Scrooges, not people who just don't like Christmas for one reason or another.

[itspileofgoodthings]

Good morning what are the movies or tv shows that traumatized you as a kid mine are the BBC production of A Christmas Carol and a handful of David Suchet Poirot episodes

[blueskittlesart]

being in art school and having basically 0 knowledge about christianity whatsoever is so funny at this point i think you could tell me literally anything was an allegory for jesus and i'd just believe you

[molinaesque]

Ebenezer Scrooge + Prudence (Scrooge: A Christmas Carol, 2022)

[lenaellsi]

I think maybe my hottest character take is that crowley doesn't hate himself or think less of himself for being a demon. aziraphale is the one with the horrific self-esteem issues. crowley thinks he is the coolest fucker on god's green earth and that is what we call dramatic irony my friends

[martyrbat]

wasnt going to put it in the tags of that person's post but i fully believe clark kent will have the angriest hatefuck of his life with santa claus btw

[coquelicoq]

gurathin, thiago, indah...starting to get the sense that if murderbot didn't have any specific person playing the role of "someone i deep down respect who i'm convinced hates me" at any given time, presaux would have to assign someone, for enrichment purposes

[here-there-everyfuckenwhere]

I saw this post the other day that said something about how back in The Day, most sitcoms were about a group of friends or a family, and very little was ever said about their jobs and what they do for a living. And now all sitcoms are set in a workplace and very little is said about people’s lives outside of work and I just wanna say; Ever since I read that post, I have been ripping my hair out.

Because like. Yeah. That’s basically it, isn’t it? In the 80s and 90s it was all about hanging out with your friends at the coffee house or spending time with your family after work and on the weekends, and that was the most important thing in these characters lives, and now it’s just. Work. Friends outside of work? Don’t exist. Family outside of work? Don’t matter. “Workplace romances” is such an overused trope nowadays because these characters don’t meet anyone outside of work. And it’s never really fulfilling work, either. Normally it’s an office or someplace where people wish they were doing something else.

Kicking, screaming, biting ect ect.

[mortellanarts]

A few funnies that came up while writing a fic about Kurashiki & Klim fambly shenanigans pre-decision game

(*not all of these feature in the fic but I missed them :3)

[qqueenofhades]

Yooooo Cali is making moves to get Dur Orange Fuhrer off our ballot!

Granted nothing will be set til the New Year/we see what happens with Colorado's version but nonetheless I'm so proud of my state!

Aha, so I saw. Apparently there are also lawsuits underway in 16 other states, which.... I'm still 100% sure we will have to endure another election with him (GOD WHY NO GOD PLEASE), but it sure would be FUCKING NICE if even a few of them worked, especially in purple states. Obviously he wasn't going to win CA or CO anyway, but. Yeah.

[corrodedcoughin]

Hello, so @metal-dads and @kkpwnall made some truly excellent points of Christmas pun lover Eddie and I’m here to add some nonsense

I'm thinking as soon as it turns to the first of December the campaign turns to 'elf-fire' and all of the party has to create elf-sonas. The whole story is that they have to slay Satan, oops sorry, Santa (‘Did you hear that everyone? sleigh? oh, you did? well, I didn't hear any laughing, so I'll say it again and maybe this time you'll get it. oh, you don't find it funny Gareth? well look who has a life-threatening curse that means they are always at half hp, its Ga-wreath the christmas elf! Shut Up! if you appreciated my comedic genius, you wouldn't be in this mess’)

As the weeks go on he slowly adds and adds to his santa costume but none of the red tones match, the beard is just cotton balls glued to an old tshirt and he's doused his hair in talc to make it white that just ends up coating everything when Eddie starts getting into the game and shaking his head at each roll of the dice.

Each time Eddie makes an atrocious christmas pun, be it at the club or out in the wild, the party laugh too enthusiastically, knowing the vengeance he'll take out on them if he doesn't.

Then on the final night, Steve comes to pick the kids up but he's early and outside is freezing so he takes himself inside to sit in on the last part of the campaign. Eddie makes yet another terrible play on festive words and all of 'elf-fire' laugh too loud and too long. When they stop Steve just looks up and states quite plainly and unbothered

'dude, that was shit'

The party go silent, but then they realise, Steve doesn't have a character, he isn't at risk in this situation. They all cheer much to Steve's confusion and Eddie whips his head around, feeling brave in his dungeon master persona. Stares Steve down and mischeviously smiles 'hmm don't like my puns? maybe you should find a way to shut me up then'

and Steve? Steve didn't get his reputation for nothing, sure his heart is beating like a hummingbird, and he feels lightheaded and the thought off what Eddie is proposing but he doesn't let it show, not yet, not when he doesn't know if Eddie is serious

'oh no santa is mad at me, have I been bad?' with a roll of his eyes and smirk of his own.

Eddie turns immediately back to the party face as red as his Santa hat and ploughs back into the game, maybe not so focused as he had been before. The campaign is successful, absolutely annihilating Santa/satan as Eddie dramatically re-enacts the death (‘and to all a good fright ho..ho…ho…AND SCENE’)

If Steve hangs back after the kids file out and gets back to the car with a bashful smile and white powder suspiciously similar to the talc in Eddies hair on his face and clothes well, that's Dustin's mystery to solve. And he will, have no doubts about it.

[darkroastcoffeelover]

everyone is wondering why LOTR is trending but the answer is because it’s a Christmas movie

[hamartia-grander]

Jesus fucking christ I hate the US south

[coachbeards]

remembered that beard didn't Get that "found family happy christmas for all!!!! 🎄🎄🎄" that everyone else did in the christmas ep. he was with jane...jane. he didn't get that joy, the cheer, the connections that everyone else received,,, he didn't get a magical time with any of his friends. he was with his shitty girlfriend, away from everyone. ok!!!!!!!

[tortillasconsal]

Ever since I see people portraying the Slenderfam as german I just keep imagining them having personal beef with Krampus