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sunshinetoshi · 3 years

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you’ll be okay

ushijima x reader (1.1k words)

tw: angst (hurt/comfort), mental health/breakdown, suggestive (kissing - just in case)

a/n: i’ve been unexplainably big sad, missed my hubba bubba, and ended up w/this 🙃🙃 the self-indulgence and comfort is very high rn. *sighs* anyways, in a constant state of missing ushijima wakatoshi and his big beefy chest yikes. if ushi is your comfort character too i will be handing out gold stickers to you golden people xx

“You finished with work?”

It makes you want to laugh that even his voice is enough to begin lifting your soul from the sludge that currently holds you down. But still you can’t bring yourself to smile at him as you normally do. You nod as you stand in the doorway.

“Mm,” he pauses the match he was watching on his phone, placing the device on the nightstand. “Do you want us to start on dinner? You haven’t eaten since earlier,” he begins to prop himself up, “I was thinking-”

“Wait.”

You both freeze at your demand. Both realizing it was more of a plea.

His eyes glaze over you, slowly, landing last on your outstretched hand that reached for him from when you spoke.

His shoulders relax and he reaches a hand out to you. “Come here,” he’s sure to keep his voice soft.

You walk over to the bed until you feel his large calloused hand envelope yours. The touch itself lowers your guard and you feel your nose burn as your eyes begin to water.

It’s always a mystery how he’s able to, literally and figuratively, sweep you off your feet. But you find yourself now laying on his chest, big arms wrapped around you, a firm, warm hold. The security of love that moments like this seek.

“Did something happen?” He waits with patience for you to respond, rubbing small circles on your back as time passes and he feels tears dampening his shirt.

You shake your head into his chest, frustration and emotion overflowing. Though small sobs still hiccup through your body you lift your head to look at him.

He uses the pad of his thumb to wipe one of your cheeks dry before smoothing your hair. Concern in his eyes but his face remains patient, giving you the room to speak or not speak as you choose.

“I don’t know why, Toshi.”

The croak of hurt in your voice pierces him but he conceals it as he listens to you continue. He nods as you speak, hearing the frustration in your voice that there is no culprit of your sadness other than the wave of sadness itself.

As you cry into his chest again, he internally wishes there is a reason. A discernible person or situation that he can, even if only slight, defend you from. However that manifests itself: listening to you rant, being able to offer his assistance or intervention, etc. But when it isn’t perceptible, when it is internal and without prompting, he has to come to terms that he cannot help you ‘fully’. Learning to be okay with ‘just’ being by your side as the feelings flood you.

But as he whispers words of comfort, words of affirmation you know are always said in earnest when these rough moments make an appearance, you can’t imagine getting the same level of comfort from anyone else. There are no words said unnecessarily, they are statements of fact for Ushijima. And though he wishes he could be just as comforting with words as you are, he lies there quietly after his words are said, embracing you tight, every now and then whispering an ‘I love you’ because that’s the most important thing he wants to relay to you.

He knows it may not be the end of your hurt but he’s still grateful when he feels you shift on top of him, crying having subsided a while ago.

When you meet his eyes you feel your heart beat warm and steady with love for him. “Thank you, Toshi,” you smile at him and reach up to place a messy but gentle kiss on his lips. A small sound of surprise escapes you as you feel his hand support the back of your head as he deepens the kiss.

“I love you,” he states firmly as he pulls apart.

“I could feel it in that kiss,” you tease, smiling as you feel his chest rumble as he chuckles. “Hey,” you cup his face, “I love you, so much.”

He nods before lifting the two of you up so you’re sitting in his lap.

As you wipe your face of your tears you place a hand on his shirt feeling how wet your tears made it. “Sorry,” you say sheepishly, grabbing the fabric so it no longer sticks to him.

“Don’t be,” he hums, hands on your lower back as he observes you. He brings a hand to softly tap at your thigh, “Will you come with me to the kitchen and eat something? It can be small, I just don’t want you getting sick. And you need to drink water.”

You nod and smile at how doting he can get at times, “Absolutely.”

You move off him to head to the kitchen hand in hand, but when you hear a grunt you turn to him.

“Hold on,” he loosens his hand and moves to the closet to pull out a shirt. He walks back over to you and before changing he adds, “You cried a lot, love.”

Your jaw drops but the smile you’re struggling to keep in and your playful eyes make Ushijima happy that he’s able to lift your spirits even a little. “You said I didn’t have to be sorry for that.”

“And I stand by it,” the corners of his mouth turning up in amusement. As if all this time with you didn’t teach him a few tricks to teasing. “I was just making an observation.”

Again, your jaw drops but this time he places a kiss on your cheek, “Come on, I’ll make us some food. Plus, doesn’t your mom say you’ll catch flies like that?” He smiles and begins walking out the bedroom.

Although seemingly impossible, your jaw drops further. “Wakatoshi!” You stumble to catch up with him but shake your head in delight when you see him walking with his hand behind him, waiting for you to slip yours in his grasp.

You pretend to pout, “You help brighten my mood only to bring it down again.”

His eyebrows raise but his eyes glaze over you, making sure, before he brings your hand up to kiss the back of it. “You’re not as upset as earlier, my gorgeous. I wouldn’t tease you if you were.”

“I know,” you huff. “But it wouldn’t hurt for you to be sweet and doting for a little bit longer before you use my own tricks against me.”

He hums in acknowledgement and when you two reach the kitchen he brings his hands behind your legs and lifts you onto the counter in a swift motion. He can feel you looking at him in shock as he starts pulling ingredients out. He places some vegetables from the fridge next to you and casually explains, “So I can dote on you while I cook.” And he smiles softly as you giggle. With firm confidence in you and love for you, he tells you, “You’ll be okay.”

When you meet his eyes you know what the weight of his words are really referring to. And you could feel it too. He’s right. You’ll be okay.

#haikyuu #haikyuu oneshot #ushijima x reader #ushijima wakatoshi #ushijima #tw angst #tw hurt #tw mental health #tw breakdown #tw suggestive #my hubba bubba #i love you ushi💛#☀tara writes☀

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hologramband · 4 years

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One Day p1

Alive!Luke x Fem!Reader Modern AU Word Count: 2.6k A/n: hehehe here’s the first part! I have it mostly planned out, there should be 3-4 parts! Lmk what you think! Summary: A shy girl is used to floating under the radar, keeping to herself most of the time, all was well until an opportunity fell into her lap, but what will these new people bring with them?

You were really good at staying right under everyone's radar at Los Feliz. You knew everyone, everyone knew you, but you didn’t have anything more than just a surface relationship with your classmates. You didn’t mind that, it was harder to get hurt this way. You got accepted to the Performing Arts High School with your ability to dance, but have always found your real talent lies within your visual art. Whether you were using paints, pencils, or a pen, you loved the way that your hand flew over the paper and created an image that represented your many different emotions.

In a way it made sense how you loved both dance and drawing, both sharing the flowing of movements to express things that words cannot. It was easier for you to express your emotions and thoughts in these mediums since social connection was hard for you. You had tried it once, really connecting with a person, but it ended up coming back and hurting you, causing you to shut down, so you weren't in a rush to try again any time soon. You floated down the hallways with ease, only having to stop at your locker to grab the remaining textbooks you need for the next few classes. While you were stopped you heard your name called from across the hallway, looking up to see Julie raising her hand in a small wave. “Hey, (y/n)! I like your top!” She came to a stop by your locker smiling. “Thanks! It was my moms, she just found this box of old clothes from when she was in school, this one just really stuck out to me.” You smiled down at yourself and looked back up at the girl to see three boys approaching. You felt heat subtly rise to your cheeks and you tried to focus your eyes on Julie. “Hey Jules, you ready to go to class?” Luke spoke as soon as they reached her side, sending you a nod of acknowledgement when he noticed you standing in front of them. Alex and Reggie both raised their hands with small waves in greeting to you. You smiled in return and turned back to close your locker, swinging your backpack on in the process. “Well, I gotta get to class too, see ya around.” You smiled back at the group and heard Julie call after you. “See you in Art!” You turned slightly and waved in return. Julie and you were pretty decent friends, you talked to her more than anyone else at the school, she had a good balance of how to get to know you without pushing you. You had met the boys a few times in passing, much like the previous occurrence, them not really speaking much more than a ‘hello’ here and there. There was something about Luke though, he never failed to send a storm of butterflies loose in your stomach. He probably didn’t even remember your name, but you could remember all the details of his face, not in a weird way, just in an artistic way, ya know? He had such a coolness about him, like he could totally embarrass himself but brush it off like it was nothing, like he meant to do it even. You thought you were getting better with your anxiety around people, but as soon as that boy was in front of you, it seemed as if your brain forgot how to function. You shook the boy from your thoughts as you continued through your day, classes went by like they typically do, all your general classes like math and english were in the first half of the day, the second half being taken by your dance class and then art. It was simple to say that you much preferred the second half of classes. In dance you went about as normal, running through a few routines and while wrapping up your teacher mentioned something about a new project that would be announced tomorrow. After changing you made your way to your final class where Julie had already arrived and claimed a table for the two of you. “Hi!” she smiled up at you. “Hi! How were your classes today?” You replied, starting a conversation that you hoped would carry throughout the class. You really did like talking with Julie, she was so sweet and really made you feel like she wanted to get to know you. The first day of class she noticed you were sitting alone and she took this as an opportunity to introduce herself, commenting on the particular band tee you had on, being able to strike up a conversation instantly. You admired her for this, the confidence she had when walking in a room was just astounding to you. The two of you went about the class in a way that you similarly would, talking about this and that while sketching away in your respective books, her only pausing to write ideas in her song notebook when an idea would hit. The class you were in didn’t have many actual assignments, just that you needed around 3 small pieces turned in periodically and one larger one for your final at the end of the semester, it made it an easy free flowing environment where there wasn’t too much pressure to stress on any one thing. Before you knew it the ding of the bell was going off overhead and you and Julie started packing up your things, she quickened her pace when she saw the boys waiting at the door for her. “You guys have practice today?” You giggled at her rushed movements. “Yeah,” she laughed as she zipped her bag closed, “Luke and I just finished up a new song too so I’m really excited to get back to the garage to figure out the music behind it.” She smiled up at you and you returned the affection. “Well don’t let me hold you up! Hope it all goes well! See you tomorrow!” You waved to the girl as she ran to the door, only pausing to throw a wave back at you. You laughed and shook your head at the girls' antics and went about your day as usual, starting your walk back home, you didn’t live too far and enjoyed the fresh air and time to recollect after the school day. After getting home you grabbed a quick snack and retreated to your room to finish a sketch that you had been working on in class today. Digging through your bag your heart rate increased when you pulled the red covered book to see the top covered in multiple stickers, this wasn’t your book, it was Julies song book, meaning she was currently in possession of your sketchbook. She must have grabbed yours on mistake when she was packing up quickly. You lightly sighed as you pulled out your phone to text her about the accidental switch-up. She replied instantly just realizing the mistake herself, then invited you over to switch them back and possibly hear some of the songs they were working on, looking for an outsider's opinion. You hesitated in saying yes, did you really need your book back that bad? Sighing, you sent back an okay and asked for an address, as nervous as you were to hang around the guys, more specifically Luke, you remembered how excited Julie was to go over the new song, the one that was probably sitting in the book you were holding in your hands. You threw on a light jacket and grabbed your backpack, for reasons unexplainable to you it just always just felt safer to walk around with a backpack on, and you were on your way to Julies. You could feel your nerves rising with each step you took towards her house, by the time you stood at the end of her driveway you felt like your heart was in your throat. “Calm down, (y/n), it’s just a little hangout to get your book back and hear a few songs, no biggie, nothing to fret about at all.” you whispered to yourself, taking one last deep breath before continuing your walk up her driveway. You had just come into view from the garage when you heard Julie calling out your name. “(Y/n)! How was your walk?” Julie ran out to meet you, now walking beside you into the garage. “It was good! You actually live closer to me than I thought, it was only like a 15 minute walk,” you smiled at her and you continued the small talk until you looked up and met eyes with the brunette guitarist. “(Y/n), these are the guys, Alex, Reggie and Luke,” she introduced them to you and you raised your hand in a wave. “Yeah, i’ve seen you guys perform before, you’re all really good!” you smiled and met each of their gazes. “Thanks! And that was all our old stuff, just wait until you hear what we have coming, um..” Luke stuttered realizing he didn’t know your name. You went to say it but Alex beat you to it. “(Y/n) you idiot,” he hit the back of Luke's head, while rolling his eyes. A blush rose to Luke’s face and he laughed it off. “I-I knew that, I-I just-” “You’re at the school for dance right?” Alex spoke again, interrupting and trying to take the attention off of the stuttering Luke. You smiled and nodded. “Yeah! I’m on a dance scholarship, so that's my main focus but my second is visual art, which reminds me,” You take your backpack off and pull out Julies song book, “here’s this!” She smiles and takes it from you. “Ugh thanks so much, I don’t know what I would have done if I lost this, Reggie can you grab her sketchbook? It’s on the piano!” Julie opened her book and smiled looking at the page. “Oh wow,” you heard Reggie mutter causing everyone to turn to him, “(y/n) this stuff is like, really good.” You blushed and looked down at your feet, you’ve never been good at accepting compliments. “Dude, boundaries!” Julie muttered reaching for the book, but Luke got to it first, taking his own turn looking through the pages. Your heart jumped when he started smiling at the pages he was flipping through, you didn’t have anything in there that you kept hidden, it was just that no one had ever gone through your work before. “You have so many different styles, this one is like a cartoon, but then the next one is like hyper realistic.” Luke looks up to make eye contact and you felt a blush rise to your cheeks. Alex took the second of him being distracted to pull the book away from him and hand it back to you. “I’m sorry for them, they still haven’t figured out what it means to respect someone's privacy.” He narrowed his eyes at his two bandmates. “You know,” you opened the book in your hands to search for a particular page, “I actually have something of each of you individually. I sketched them out the night after I saw one of your guys’ gigs.” You scrunch your face in concentration, you feel everyone rush to stand behind you when you finally find it. You look around at them to take in their reactions, their eyes were all glued to the papers you were displaying in front of you, Reggies mouth falling open. “Oh! Is this why you asked for the pictures my dad took of that night?” Julie looked up at you. “Yeah, I wanted to be able to add the details of everyone's chosen instruments and get some added information on where the highlights were from the lights,” you looked at each of their faces again and made a rash decision to gently tear the pages from your book, handing them to each respective person. Each person held them gently in their hands, then looked up to you in amazement. You just shrugged your shoulders in response, not knowing what else to say. “Well,” you looked out the window and saw the setting sun, “I better start my walk back to my house, it’s getting dark and I wanna get back before that happens. Enjoy the pictures guys!” You smile and turn to walk away, all the band still shocked to silence. “She’s never torn a page from her book before,” you hear Julie tell the boys as you walk further down the driveway, smiling to yourself. It was true, you never pull pages from your sketchbook, not this one at least, it was the better quality of all the other ones you had. You typically just used the less expensive books for class, you go through all the pages so quickly you didn’t want to waste the one’s in your higher quality notebook for the rough sketches, but the pages that you drew the band on were in the higher quality notebook, you had taken the time to really get them right, and they turned out fantastic. Your mother had always told you to spread joy where you can, and after seeing all their faces you knew that it was only right to let them have the pages that they were looking at. You arrived home and couldn’t wipe the smile off your face, there might be something there with them, an opportunity to make new friends, to open up. This idea makes you both nervous and excited, you let these thoughts and ideas later lull you to sleep. --- The next day at school you were walking to your locker when Julie caught your eye, she was waiting in her phone by your locker door. You would usually see her in passing in the mornings, but this is new. “Hey Julie, what’s up?” You greet the curly haired girl at your locker. “Hey (y/n)! Not much really, just watched to catch you this morning and run an idea past you…” She smiles and looks around her before returning her gaze back to you. “Okay? Is everything alright? You seem nervous,” you giggled at her antics and went back to putting the combination into your locker. “Yeah, yeah, I just know you take a while to open up and get close with new people, and I don’t wanna rush you into anything you aren’t ready for, but the boys and I were wondering if-” She gets cut off by a yell from down the hallway. “JULIE! HAVE YOU ASKED HER YET?” You turn to see all three boys running towards you, Julie facepalming at Reggies yell. “Geez Reg, she literally just got here. There's no need to yell,” Julie rolls her eyes at them and looks back to you. “Anyways, we were wondering if you wanted to make more designs and stuff for the band, like for posters and maybe album art one day.” She smiles at you after finishing. “You-you want me to… really?” Your eyes widen in shock. “Yeah! We all really like what you did with those portraits, and you’re pretty chill letting us keep them and all, we want you to be a part of our band, even if it isn’t you on stage with us, you’ll keep things looking cool.” Luke says as he leans against the lockers beside you. “Plus, then you’ll be able to hang out with us more!” Reggie pipes in. They all look at each other then back at you. “So,” Alex smiles at you, “What do ya think?” A million thoughts fly through your mind at once, they really want you to hang out with them more? They liked what you did? You looked at them all, looking back at you, and smiled. “I’d love to.”

tag list ✨

@gia-kerks @fangirlangioma

#jatp #jatp imagine #jatp luke #jatp luke x reader #luke patterson #luke x reader #luke patterson x reader #luke patterson imagine #jatp luke patterson #jatp luke patterson imagine #jatp luke imagine #one day #luke patterson x fem!reader #mini series

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seerofmike · 4 years

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i feel like a huge portion of kpop fans are gay fetishists attracted to the idea of quote unquote feminine men and thats why theres so much bullshit

YES okay. okay let me rant for a minute. let me preface this by saying i am NOT a kpop shipper at ALL. this is going to be long so i’ll put it under a’ ‘read more’ because i’ve been holding it in for TWO FUCKING YEARS BABY!

being mlm in boygroup kpop fandom is literally so exhausting. 99% of the people who ship real life human men from boygroups are fetishists and i will tell u why

obviously we all know of a ship in a fandom where the characters' personalities are twisted to fit the heteronormative view of "top" and "bottom" --one character is hypermasculine (top) and the other one is feminine (bottom). there are typical traits associated with both. the ‘top’ is scary or mean or angry or serious while the ‘bottom’ is emotional or bubbly or shy. while this is egregious, at least its fictional characters. their personalities can be simplified or exaggerated and it doesnt cause any real life harm.

im going to define what i think of as a fetishist: a non-mlm person who overly sexualizes gay men/men they think are gay/gay ships, and forces them into heteronormative roles for their own pleasure. its not even limited to cishet women. plenty of non-mlm lgbt people do this too and its like disheartening. so anyways

enter the kpop fandom

i may be incredibly biased here because one of the most affected members [of bts] is my favorite kpop boy, but oh god is the ‘personality change/simplification’ thing AWFUL here. i do not go out of my way to find fanart or see fanfic threads, but being in the bts fandom, u will inevitably see it and i REALLY wish i didnt

so anyways. my favorite boy ever is hoseok. he is sweet and hardworking and very passionate about dance and he can be serious when needed, but ultimately he tries to be very lighthearted and will consistently laugh or make jokes or do something funny when the other members feel uncomfortable or awkward (mostly during english-speaking interviews). he kisses the members on the cheek a lot/hugs them a lot/cuddles them a lot [this is important for later okay]

of course, theres a lot more to him because he is a multi-faceted real life human being, and i don’t know him personally, but that’s a general idea of what he’s like, okay?

SHIPPERS will have you think differently. some video got popular on youtube ""proving"" that hoseok is a sadist (which is just clips of him jokingly playfighting with the younger members), and the video depicts him as secretly mean and serious, and shippers will use that to say "hoseok is a total top!" and then most fanart or imagines or fanfic threads you see are top!hoseok, using this imagined 'hoseok is a sadistic dom' narrative to fuel their fiction, because SOMEONE has to be the top, so they twist him into this hypermasculine mean person (and probably feminize the 'bottom' of their ship but more on that later)

EXCEPT it is not just fiction. this narrative bleeds into REAL LIFE. you have new armys who dont know anything about the shipping scene, and yet somehow the narrative of hoseok being a secretly mean, sadistic person has already made its way into them. in real life, hoseok likes rainbows and wearing nail stickers and putting glitter in his hair. yet people in the fandom will say shit like "hoseok hates femininity" "hoseok would never wear [thing] because he's a dom"

sometimes on twitter you have ppl like me who say uh actually you guys are really weird and this is fetishy and in real life hoseok is very nice and not sadistic at all, you will UNDOUBTEDLY get comments like "omg hoseok isnt cute/nice when will yall learn he’s secretly like [x] and [x]". you could post a video of hoseok with a puppy titled "wow cute" and u will get like 2 clowns in ur comments going 'hoseok isnt CUTE hes a sadist’ . i wish i was joking but i am not. they will do this for EVERY action hoseok does. he cannot blink without people twisting it into a sexual thing

[also, side note: its funny that, since hoseok is one of the least popular members and therefore one of the least shipped members, he is often the odd man out among pairings, and is assigned 'the straight one' by default, and 9 times out of 10 people who assign him 'the straight one' do all this 'dom daddy hoseok' shit.

which just goes to show that this is indeed a matter of heteronormativity.]

so anyways arguably the most popular ship with hoseok is with yoongi, sope. this absolutely happens to other ships probably but im just using them as an example because i see it the most, being a hobi stan

yoongi is very calm and thoughtful and kind and sometimes appears to be cold/having a bad attitude but its just because of the way he speaks, which is very bluntly. again hes a multi faceted real human and i do not know him personally but thats generally what hes like.

god the fandom. treats him SO BAD. so horribly. he's shorter than hoseok. he's shorter than hoseok and people will exaggerate that literal 1 inch height difference so bad and people will turn his whole personality into shy and blushy and In Love With Hoseok, so in love with hoseok that ‘he gets sad’ when hoseok doesn’t kiss him/hug him/or whatever and IT BLEEDS INTO REAL LIFE.

ANY time hoseok or yoongi do ANYTHING together at ALL, people will ALWAYS push the narrative that hoseok, being the mean sadist he is, is 'hurting' yoongi for not returning his undying love or whatever. hoseok did a vlive where he made bracelets for all the members and he considered putting a cat charm on yoongi's but ultimately decided not to because he was having difficulty and oh my GOD sope stans twisted it into 'hoseok HATES yoongi, yoongi would have been so happy, he would have worn that all the time, hoseok isnt affectionate he hates being close with other people after all :(' which is LITERALLY not true because hoseok gives all his homies good night kisses but okay! whatever fits your narrative!

PEOPLE ACTUALLY HATE HOSEOK BECAUSE OF THIS. BECAUSE OF A SHIP. BECAUSE OF THE MANUFACTURED NARRATIVE PUSHED ONTO HIM BY FETISHISTS SO HE COULD FIT INTO THEIR HETERONORMATIVE ‘TOP’ ROLE. not to be all wahh wahh hoseok is one of the least popular members BUT THIS IS LITERALLY A CONTRIBUTING FACTOR.

everyone """headcanons""" hoseok to be a top so they will make him a MEAN HYPERMASCULINE person. everyone """headcanons""" yoongi as a bottom so they will make him a SOFT UWU HYPERFEMININE person. shippers are literally pigeonholing the two of them into fujoshi-esque roles for jack-off material.

anyways this all boils down to: gay fetishists will do anything, ANYTHING, to twist characters or real life fucking people to fit their heteronormative view of top and bottom. top=mean and masculine, bottom=soft and feminine. hoseok is a real life human being. yoongi is a real life human being. they both have real life human personalities, and yet shippers twist their personalities into the opposite to fit their narrative, to the point where nonshippers will genuinely view the two of them as something theyre not.

you have tons of armys that theorize that hoseok's happiness is just a mask he puts on to hide a cruel nature. on twitter. on youtube. in fanart and fanfiction. you have tons of armys that truly believe that, despite literally all the evidence, believe he hates being cute, he hates being happy, he hates the members, and hes secretly a dom daddy fuckboy who wants to bend yoongi over a table. hes a real life human being and fetishists doing their fetish thing has real life consequences.

the same is true for bottom!hoseok stans: they overexaggerate his more cutesy personality traits and he does have a 'feminine' figure i.e. he has a rly small waist but they will overexaggerate that as well and give him huge hips and its disgusting but dom!hoseok is far more frequent with far more devastating consequences so i used that as an example but they’re both bad.

people who """"headcanon"""" [like actually headcanon/firmly believe and not just joking or lighthearted] that members are gay will force these types of roles onto the members. if someone genuinely believes that like, yoongi is gay/bi/whatever, and then try to force this subby soft uwu persona onto him, they have no respect for gay people. they dont. gay people are simply objects for their fantasies. their view of gay people is so one-dimensional and so driven by fetishists’ ideas that its actually disheartening.

and god bitches will deadass be homophobic yet still ship real ass human idols. not just for bts specifically but all boygroup fandoms. sometimes when you search up an idol's name, [idol] gay will be trending--whether it be because of people saying "im gay for him" or whatever, and a LOT of cishet people will try 'clearing' the searches because being gay is bad or something. people normally ‘clear’ the searches if something like [idol fat] or [idol ugly] are trending, which im telling you so you know the context that people only clear the searches when bad things are happening.

[never forget that time 'jungkook gay' was trending and bitches were like "lets clear the searches!" but their pinned tweet said some shit like "sub jungkook x dom jimin coffee shop smut au thread 🌈". bitches also be like i cant be homophobic i ship taekook]

and hoseok and yoongi arent the only ones affected ! we could get into why namjoon and jin (another popular ship) are often assigned 'dad' and 'mom' respectively, or the fact that gay fetishists not only twist members' personalities to fit their ship narrative, but will also force tropes onto them i.e. taehyung/jungkook shippers who will literally demonize jimin and call him a slut or say that he's trying to 'get in the way of' of taekook or 'steal' taehyung/jungkook but thats a whole DIFFERENT rant baby! racism/asian fetishism is also definitely a present factor in all of this but this focus was primarily on gay fetishism and heteronormativity.

oh my god i could also get into the severe transphobia/trans fetishism in this fandom too but this post is already long enough as it is

tl dr: gay fetishists will fetishize real life people and it has actual real life effects and we should ban straight women from shipping mlm

#nobody is going to read this but i just needed to let it out man #fucking hate bts stans #fucking hate kpoppies #fuck u if ur not mlm like actually

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ckret2 · 5 years

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Okay so I got an ask like,

anonymous asked: whose ur favorite Hazbin character? Like your absolute #1 and why?

and technically my answer is Alastor, but Sir Pent is such a close second that I gave my reasons for him too in that ask, and now I’m making a second post about Alastor.

Reasons I really like Alastor but like, only slightly more than Sir Pent:

- Honestly “I can suck ya dick” *IMMEDIATE BRAIN BREAK FACE* is probably the moment I, like, mentally latched on to Alastor’s character, and at that point I don’t think I even knew yet that the creator had said he was ace. It just... I could feel the aceness in my soul. Like that thing where Jedi run into somebody and go “oh you’re strong in the Force, I can tell.” That was just such a perfect and succinct ace joke, and by that I mean like it feels like a joke from an ace perspective. Like it was so relatable.

- tbh half my reasons for liking Alastor are “oh that’s relatable,” which is hilarious, because like... I don’t like characters because I relate to them, ever, but because I think they’re interesting in their strange/different ways. Alastor is the sole exception I can think of where half the reasons I like him is because I look at him and go “oh big mood.” Other ace or aro characters I’ve seen in the past just make me go “oh... okay. cool. nice, representation for me” and then I don’t really care about them. Alastor, though, the SECOND I learned he was ace, something in my brain went “FUCK YES. ONE OF OURS.” I immediately sat down and started writing a character study fic about Alastor being ace/aro in the exact same precise way that I’m ace/aro, and that was even before we got confirmation that he was aro. I was ready to go all in on him anyway.

- Half the reason I like his ace/aro-ness when I don’t care about it as much on other characters is because like... usually, when you get an ace/aro character, it goes one of two ways:

1) their entire character is built around/“in tune with” their ace/aro-ness, in a way. Most obvious when you have the stereotypical “robot/alien that cannot love,” but also seen in “character that is naive and pure and innocent and lustless,” “character that acts like an actual literal child,” “character that acts like a bad autism cliche,” “character that’s too cold or cruel or emotionless to feel love,” etc. And that’s boring, when they’re only ace/aro because the writer cannot imagine a character Like That being any other way, or because the writer cannot imagine an ace/aro being Any Other Way.

Or, 2) they’re written as “too normal,” as in, like, NOTHING ABOUT THEIR PERSONALITY or life experiences or anything seems shaped AT ALL by the fact that they do not share an internal sense of lust and/or romance that most of the rest of the human species not only has, but also is obsessed with.

And Alastor falls in neither camp. He’s gregarious and talkative and puts on little performances wherever he goes, and he obnoxiously butts in on somebody else’s group project by begging for an opportunity to help out and then obnoxiously volunteers his friends who hate him to help with the group project, and he’s manipulative and dangerous and secretive and violent, and he hides his emotions and he disguises when he’s feeling weak... and also the quickest way to throw him off his game is to make a sexual pass at him because he’s blindsided so hard by it that it’s like for a moment there he forgot that sex exists.

And that’s what I want to see. A character whose personality isn’t based on/tied into his ace/aro-ness, BUT we can clearly see his character IS INFLUENCED by the fact that he views the world through a completely different lens from everyone else.

I can imagine that Alastor had to puzzle through What Is Love/What Is Desire, purely on a psychological “what’s going on inside other people’s heads?” level, as an outside observer incapable of participating it and trying to understand it based on anecdotes and fictionalized accounts and descriptions and conversations, comparing it to the emotions inside his own head and trying to go “so it’s kind of like this feeling plus that one and those, but More, and Different, and in that Other Direction.” I can imagine that as a kid Alastor “decided” to have crushes because he knew it was about that time it should be starting, and it hadn’t happened by then, so maybe what he needs to do is pick whoever he thinks is best-looking and get going with the crushing on them, right? I can imagine that Alastor spent his teen years waiting for his desires to “turn on” the way they did for everyone else, and being slightly puzzled when they took so long, but also okay with it because the more he thought about it the more it seemed like it was probably a nuisance—no one around him was someone he’d like to be attracted to—so he was fine with the fact it was taking so long, and he sort of assumed that it wasn’t because he didn’t have the capacity for desire but because none of his peers were desirable to him. I can imagine that he had his first kiss at like fifteen and thought it was horrible and gagged on it, and within an hour decided this was absolutely hilarious.

I can imagine Alastor having all these experiences—which are experiences I had. I’ve never seen another ace/aro character I can easily and naturally imagine having a single experience in common with me. Because no other ace/aro characters feel to me like ace/aro characters. They’re either characters with an ace/aro sticker arbitrarily and meaninglessly slapped on them, or they’re a walking stereotype about lovelessness.

- Besides Alastor’s spectacular Asexuelle Panique™ face, the other single line that made me latch onto him was “Why does anyone do anything? Sheer! Absolute! Boredom!” There are some very specific character types that I’m an absolute sucker for, and one of them is: extremely powerful character, at the top of their game, unstoppable and uncontrollable and unmatched, a loner who likes it that way, BUT they’re bored as hell, either because they’ve met all their goals or because they don’t know how to set any—and the boredom is eating them up inside, it’s driving them slowly mad, the sheer tedium of trying to fill one day after another with nothing to do is weighing down on them, if depression is usually compared to a heavy rain then this depression is like an endless empty waiting room, or depression like solitary confinement, or depression like an unmoving sun shining on an infinite flat desert, the depression of a completely empty hollow life leveled flat by infinite interminable boredom, a boredom they would do ANYTHING to get rid of, a boredom that’s like a withdrawal, a boredom that makes your hands shake and your pulse quicken with desperate need for the drug to stave off the withdrawal symptoms, but god, you don’t even know what the drug IS, you just know you NEED it, some form of stimulation, ANY stimulation, you’re going mad in this empty desert with your hands trembling and the withdrawal clouding your mind—

Have I mentioned that I have ADHD? Did you know that untreated ADHD can result in depression specifically due to chronic mental understimulation? I keep telling myself “bruh, don’t headcanon Alastor as having ADHD, you don’t even headcanon that he has any other traits that line up with ADHD symptoms,” but like. That one line. “Sheer! Absolute! Boredom!” I felt that in my very bones. There is desperation in that man. There is desperation in him that speaks to me like nothing else does. Like to the point that if it turns out that Alastor secretly DOES have a secret evil manipulative scheme going on I’m going to be annoyed/disappointed specifically because his driving motive isn’t boredom, lmao.

Anyway I feel for characters like that. I like to explore that desperate despairing boredom. I like to force them through that understimulation withdrawal, drive them to do stupid wild desperate things to try to get the stimulation they need. And then, when I’m feeling nice, I like to help them find a cure. Usually I imagine the cure is “dude, you’re such a loner that you’ve cut yourself off from the rest of the human race, you have NO human connections, even when you’re technically interacting with other people you’re still completely emotionally isolated inside your own shell. Make some goddamn friends and start to care about other people and their lives and you’ll find that the act of having other people exist in your world who matter to you will give you that stimulation you’re desperately missing.” Because these desperately bored characters are also desperately emotionally isolated. And they might be happy/content in their isolation—but they’re not doing anything to cure their own understimulation like that.

(“Hey OP is that how you cured your understimulation?” nah I got ADHD meds.)

- Remember everything that I just said about how much I love that Alastor is aro? Well forget everything I just said. Chuck it out the window. Bye.

So every once in a while I find a character that, for whatever reason, I really, really, really want to see pining. I want them to be in love, and I want it to be unrequited, and I want it to go on for years. I want them sobbing in private and then hiding it completely when they face anyone else. I want them to hurt so bad they feel like they can’t breathe. I want them unable to think about anything but their beloved. I want it festering inside them like an infected wound. I want it to hurt. Forever.

(“Hey OP do you uh, do you ever, yknow, want them to get their loved one?” yeah sure whatever)

For some reason, Alastor is one of those characters. Why? I dunno. I haven’t figured out my mental pattern on these ones yet. Maybe it’s specifically because it’s so incongruous with his outward appearance/and attitude. Maybe it’s because he’d do a really really good job at hiding it, but also I think he’s probably kind of a mess inside under his mask, and I think adding unrequited desire under that mask would mess him up anymore in really spectacular ways. Like a china cabinet that shifted in an earthquake so that if you open all the doors all the plates will fall out and break, except they’re already all broken inside of the china cabinet, but he’s in denial about that as long as he doesn’t open the door. I dunno, I’m speculating.

- On that note: I feel like he’s probably, like, hypercompetent and super powerful and super successful on the outside, but actually he’s a sort of screwed up dork who’s got no idea what he’s doing. (I present the furby organ as supporting evidence.) I like extremely powerful deeply feared dorks, ESPECIALLY when they have no idea what they’re doing.

- Also, affable villains. Totally friendly/sociable and totally evil.

- I dig his weird radio schtick. Like, Radio Stuff isn’t a thing I specifically like about characters, but on him I think it’s cool. Character gimmicks that can go a lot of ways and that you can do a lot of stuff with in character development are fun.

I think that covers all the important bases.

#alastor #hazbin hotel #meta #anonymous #ask

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the-apocryphal-one · 6 years

Note

Hey Apo, do you think you can do a PMD (Pokemon Mystery Dungeon) AU post for the characters of the Danganronpa franchise? I would like to know which pokemon would suit them, if they were put into a situation where they were randomly pokemon. I'm not familiar with the personalities of various Pokemon, so I don't think I could match them up well with the characters. I would love to see your take on it, but you don't have to if you don't want to.

I think most of them are gonna end up as one of the ‘mons on their team, haha.

Makoto—Midday Lycanroc (MEMES but also Rockruff is positive, brave, and just a big sweetie, while Midday Lycanroc is noble)

Byakuya—Tyrantum

Chihiro—Gardevoir

Mondo—Scrafty

Kiyotaka—Darmanitan

Yasuhiro—Slowbro

Hifumi—Smeargle

Leon—Slaking (when it comes to talent and school, he’s actually pretty lazy…but he can be decisive at big moments, like Case 1)

Kyoko—Alola Ninetales (I was close to making her Espeon, but I think this fits better, ignoring color schemes. They’re calm and poised, but literally freeze solid people who piss them off. At the same time, they’re more benevolent than their ‘normal’ versions)

Aoi—Floatzel

Sakura—Machamp

Toko—Weavile (Toko was interesting, I had to pick something that could be quiet and stalkerish, but also ‘snap’ and kill people. Weavile has slashing attacks like Genocider, is noted to be stealthy, and have pretty antagonist personalities, so it seemed the best fit)

Celeste—Gothitelle

Sayaka—Primarina

Mukuro—Bisharp (since Gallade can’t be female, I went with the other sword-using Pokemon)

Junko—Mawile (Cue ‘You’re sisters? But you’re not even in the same egg group! Was one of your parents a Ditto?’ from ‘mons who don’t know they’re human, and Junko being irritated at essentially getting the surname question all over again)

Hajime—Lucario (I know it’s not ‘ordinary’, but nothing has his inferiority complex and Hajime’s got a lot of good points–he’s good at reading people, he’s smart, and he’s versatile. All things Lucario has. Mega-Lucario would be Izuru)

Chiaki—Sylveon (for both AI and Human Chiaki)

Nagito—Togekiss (okay so since Togekiss are considered bringers of hope and lucky, I thought it’d be fitting for him to be one, BUT also because it makes the reveal of his true personality so much more shocking, since everyone is used to Togekiss being happy and nice. Also it gets Metronome :P)

Imposter—Ditto

Kazuichi—Granbull (it looks scary, but it’s a scaredy-cat. I only gave him it instead of Wimpod since he’s not as tactically-minded as its evolution)

Fuyuhiko—Alola Raichu (it’s small, it’s cute, it likes sweets, and its cheek pouches look like his little blush stickers. Also I honestly couldn’t think of a lot of ‘mons that fit his temperament; angry ones, sure, but he cools down)

Nekomaru—Emboar

Gundham—Greninja

Akane—Infernape

Ibuki—Exploud

Mikan—Blissey

Peko—Samurott (I was tempted to make her an Aegislash, aka literally a sword/tool, to top off her issues, but that was too mean)

Mahiru—Leavanny (it’s mom-ish without the actual kid, which I think would be too weird for her to have as Kanghaskan)

Hiyoko—Froslass

Sonia—Milotic (considered the most beautiful ‘mon and has the power to calm emotions, the former which applies and the latter reflects her princess talent.)

Izuru—Mega-Lucario

Kaede—Altaria

Miu—Alakazam

Tsumugi—Mimikyu

Angie—Smeargle

Tenko—Pangoro (they’re aggressive, but they also hunt bullies, which fits with her past vigilantism)

Tojo—Cincinno

Himiko—Delphox

Maki—Decidueye

Shuichi—Typhlosion

Rantaro—Gogoat

Kokichi—Zoroark (illusions and lies)

K1-B0—Golurk (it is as much of a robot as you can get, c’mon)

Gonta—Torterra (hear me out, it’s giant and looks scary but it lets smaller ‘mons live on its back, you cannot tell me that is not Gonta. he wouldn’t even care that Bugs have a type advantage over him)

Hoshi—Excadrill

Korekiyo—Spiritomb

Kaito—Arcanine (I needed something friendly, loyal, and outgoing for him, and what better way than the original dog ‘mon?)

#pokemon au #dangan ronpa #sdr2 #dangan ronpa 3 #ndrv3 #answers

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secretagentspydetectiveninja · 6 years

Text

The Misadventures of Prince Kim - chapter 67

The closer and closer to the end of this fic, the more bittersweet the chapters seem to become...

Anyway, reminder that the Morse code hecks up on tumblr and therefore you should read it on AO3 here, and other reminder to not question the fact that the snake speaks in Morse code

Over the next few weeks, the school population dropped even lower. While the new Empress Chloé did seem to have avoided a full-on civil war by the skin of her teeth, that certainly didn’t mean that the Bourgeois Empire was stable or prospering, and it showed. There were even fewer guards and servants than before, and it was strange to be able to walk around the entire school without seeing any renovation work going on at all for once.

Most of the students who left were the younger nobles, afraid of being far away from home for so long during such turbulent times. The remainder of the royalty class was still intact for now, though who knew how long that was going to last. Class seemed strangely quiet without Chloé’s incessant nattering going on in the background. Lady Caline did her best to keep everyone’s spirits up, trying not to give them too much homework and encouraging their friendships, but there still seemed to be a storm cloud hanging over the school.

By the time of the Cupid Festival, that storm cloud had become literal. Aurore herself had left the school, deeming it no longer satisfactory to her elegant tastes, and Mireille’s broken heart was influencing the weather so strongly that there was a torrential downpour for the whole week, and it simply wouldn’t cease.

Kim woke up on the morning of the Cupid Festival to the sound of that rain again, the endless rain that had been going on for days now. His heart sank – how were he and Max supposed to have their anniversary picnic at the fountain if it was still raining? Well, perhaps the rain would have stopped by afternoon, and they could still go ahead with it…

There was a knocking sound on his window. He went over to open the curtains, before it hit him – how could someone be knocking on his window?

Looking outside, he didn’t see anything strange in the sky. No birds hitting the window, no one climbing up here to play some prank on him. Just the raindrops.

There was another tap on the window. This time Kim saw it himself – someone had thrown a stone at it. He looked down at the ground to see two people standing there under an umbrella, looking up at him. Not just any people. Max and Alix! From the looks of it, Alix was getting ready to chuck another stone.

Kim opened the window, ignoring the splashes of rain that got onto his arms. “Guys! What the heck are you doing?”

Alix was the one holding the umbrella over them, since Max seemed to be carrying a… okay wow, he was carrying an actual guitar with him, and a megaphone too.

“Good morning Kim!” Max said through the megaphone. “I can’t actually hear you from down here, by the way, so you don’t need to say anything. Anyway, I promised you a guitar serenade like this, didn’t I? I doubt you’ll be able to hear it over the rain, and also I can’t really play the guitar, but I’m not going to let any of that stop me, and Alix very kindly agreed to steal Marinette’s umbrella to keep me dry…”

Kim just watched in amazement as Max proceeded to attempt to play the guitar far below, barely audible at all. Alix seemed to be laughing, earning her occasional glares from Max. To be fair, Kim would probably be laughing too if he could actually hear the guitar – he knew perfectly well that Max didn’t know how to play!

“There, I did it!” Max was talking through the megaphone again, audible once more. “I’m sorry that wasn’t particularly romantic, but I wasn’t counting on the rain. I’ll see you for our picnic later, which I’m sure will be much better!”

The window in the room beside Kim’s opened too, and he stuck his head out to see Marinette there, looking down at the courtyard, bewildered. “Max? Alix? Is that… my umbrella?”

“Bye Kim!” Max said quickly, and he and Alix rushed off before Marinette could say anything else.

Well… that had been an odd start to the morning. Was the rest of the Cupid Festival going to be this weird?

Alix already had a bunch of friendship stickers stuck all over her pet snake from various people by the time she managed to track down Markov to give him one too. He was in the “new” wing of the school – though it had been around for a year already by this point – hovering just far enough behind the large balcony over the river that the roof protected him from the rain. Evidently he wasn’t cold at all, though probably because he was a robot.

“Markov, there you are!” She ran over and stuck a friendship sticker to his forehead. “Happy Friendship Festival. Yes, I said Friendship.”

He stared at her silently for a few seconds, before speaking oddly quietly for once. “Alix, I… I have a confession to make.”

Really? What could a robot possibly need to confess?

“Did you kill anyone?” she asked. After all, this balcony wasn’t exactly the safest place, despite being so big. Maybe Markov accidentally pushed someone off the edge or something. Or maybe he electrocuted someone with the rather dodgy-looking chandelier in the room just behind the balcony. It would be easy enough to push someone off the staircase to make them land on it. Or something like that.

“No, I haven’t killed anyone! It’s not a bad confession. Just… a strange one.”

“Oh, okay.”

“The truth is… I am no longer like you. I now know what it feels like to be in love.”

Markov was in love with someone?! A robot, made out of metal and wires, had actually fallen in love?

Alix had to stop herself giving a rather spiteful retort – honestly, to think that a robot could fall in love, and yet she couldn’t, and Markov was a traitor for…

No, she couldn’t think stuff like that, that was mean! She was past the stage of being bitter about things, right? She was cool with everything now. And this was obviously something important to Markov, so she very firmly told herself to take it seriously and stop being a jerk.

“How do you know?” she asked, before wishing she hadn’t said that. It made it sound like she didn’t believe him or something, but she did. She knew too well what it felt like to not have people believe her. And anyway, Markov already had emotions. Considering that, him falling in love wasn’t a stretch.

“It is the conclusion that seems to make the most sense,” he said. “She fascinates me beyond what appears to be normal, and when I see her my internal processors start overheating for no discernible reason, and my logic pathways seem to malfunction terribly, she makes me feel so strangely happy, and I wish I could tell her how I feel but I can’t…”

Hearing a friend gushing about unrequited love seemed to kick Alix back into winggirl mode instantly. “Yes you can! Give her a Cupid sticker and tell her the truth, whoever she is!”

“No, it’s not like that. It would not work. It is impossible for me to ever be with her, no matter what.”

“Are you sure? I know you’re a robot, but still. You could totally date a human.”

“The problem is not that I’m a robot or that she is human. It is something more fundamental than that. And I must resign myself to the fact that it cannot happen, and move on, though it makes me unhappy…”

A rather unnerving thought had just occurred to Alix. “Dude… it’s not me, is it?”

“What? No, it’s not you!” Markov laughed, bobbing up and down and poking her in the nose. “I do like you a lot, but the same way I like all my friends! Though you are very pretty to look at. Especially when you’re doing sports, and you wear those… sporty clothes… uh, I think my CPU is overheating again… um…”

“So who is it then?” Alix asked quickly, deciding to ignore that last part.

“Oh! It’s… um, well, you see, she’s dead. So I cannot confess my feelings to her, unless ghosts are real, but as of now I have no way to detect them. She will never know the truth.”

“You’re in love with a dead person. Uh, okay.”

“But she’s a wonderful dead person! You yourself told me how amazing she is!”

Really? Alix could not remember ever telling Markov about any cool dead ladies.

Wait… unless…

She flicked open the lid of her sceptre, revealing the little blue hologram of Pharaoh Rania.

“Are you talking about this dead lady?”

Markov’s dot eyes had already transformed into hearts. He zoomed up close to the hologram, his fans whirring so loud they could be heard over the rain. “Yes… it’s her… she’s so beautiful…”

So he was in love with the hologram of a long dead pharaoh. For several seconds Alix just stared, in stunned silence. Out of everyone she could have possibly expected Markov to fall in love with, Rania wouldn’t have even made the list.

“So you have a crush on my like great-great aunt or something,” she said finally. “My ancestor. Who has been dead for a hella long time.”

“Yes.”

“Well… uh… one time Jalil did decipher an old text that seemed to be a necromancy ritual, so maybe it’s not totally hopeless, but like…”

Markov snapped out of his reverie. “No, don’t wake her from the dead! Let her rest!”

“Um, okay.”

“And anyway, she was already married, and she was old by the time she died, so she would not have looked like this… though of course that doesn’t matter to me! Looks are not more important than personality when it comes to love, I know that. For example, you look nice, but that doesn’t mean I… I mean, you have a nice personality too… you look a little like Rania, actually… but I’m not – I’m not saying I–”

Alix snapped shut the sceptre. “Stop making it weird.”

“Right! Sorry.” Little dark blue blush circles were creeping up under his eyes. “Anyway, none of this matters, because Rania is long dead. I should move on. I have this Cupid sticker I’ve been keeping in my pocket, so I suppose I should give it to someone else.”

“Pocket?”

Markov retracted his arm for a second, then pulled it out again holding one of those heart-shaped Cupid stickers in his hand. “Yes, pocket. Sometimes I store food in there. I don’t know what it feels like to eat, but I can always pretend!”

Oh yes, of course Markov couldn’t eat. Somehow that seemed so much more depressing than him being in love with someone who was already dead – though maybe that was just Alix’s priorities being in a weird order.

“Who should I give this to?” he asked.

“I dare you to give it to Lady Mendeleiev.”

“What? But I don’t like her!”

“Yeah, that’s why it’s a dare. She’ll be mad at you but it’ll be so worth it.”

Markov shook his head. “I don’t want to waste this sticker. And I wouldn’t want to play with anyone’s feelings, not even Mendeleiev. Maybe I’ll just have to… pretend it’s a friendship sticker… and give it to a friend instead…”

“Like Max? He’s the one who created you, after all.”

“No, the only person he should get one from is Kim! I was actually thinking… well… someone else… I mean, it isn’t a big deal, but…”

He had started drifting ever so slightly closer, the blue blushy marks back, CPU whirring so fast Alix could feel the heat from here. Rolling her eyes, she just snatched the sticker off him. “Okay yeah, I get it, fine. I’ll have this sticker. Now get out of here before you self-combust, you lovesick toaster.”

Markov did not need to be told twice. “Bye!” He zoomed off and out of sight.

Alix opened up the sceptre again and stuck the Cupid sticker on the underside of the lid, where it could be with Rania all the time. “Somehow I don’t think Rania’s the one he really likes…”

The snake nodded in reply. Poor Markov, he probably didn’t even realize it. She’d just have to find a way to set him up with someone. Someone who was okay with dating a robot, somehow. Or get Max to build more robots, so that Markov could have an immortal companion who would stick around forever, just like him.

“Hey! Alix!”

She turned around to see Kim running over, looking pleased – crap, he wasn’t going to try to throw in her a basketball hoop again, was he?

“How much coffee have you had?” she asked quickly.

“Huh? None, don’t worry!” He had something strapped to his shoulders, and once close enough she saw that it was the lute thing he had used to play her songs on the previous Cupid Festivals. “I’m just happy because Marinette’s made cookies and she’s gonna give some to Mireille, so hopefully that’ll change the weather, and then me and Max can have a picnic date like we were supposed to.”

“Isn’t it too cold for a picnic outdoors?”

“Pfffff, as if a bit of cold weather is gonna bother me. We have coats, we may as well use them. Anyway, I have something to do for you, so…”

“I know already,” she said. “You’re going to tell me to shut up and not laugh, and then you’re gonna play me a song, and then you’ll give me a friendship sticker and tell me how awesome I am.”

“Nope!”

He went and sat down on the nearby bench with his lute in hand, then patted at the seat beside him.

“C’mere. I have a way cooler present this year.”

Really? Like what? She sat down next to him, and then he handed the lute over to her along with a guitar pick.

“There you go. This instrument is your present this time. It’s called the đàn nguyệt and it’s all the way over from my kingdom, so you’ll take care of it, yeah?”

“Wait, what? You’re giving me this?”

“Yep!”

“But… I don’t even know how to play it…”

She took a closer look at it. The end of it was circular, and there were only two strings. It might look like an ordinary guitar from a distance, but close up it didn’t resemble one at all.

“I’ll teach you how to play it, don’t worry,” Kim said. “You taught me a bit of electric guitar that one time, remember? I’ve kinda forgotten most of it, but still.”

Oh yes… that had been years ago, during the cursed spring holidays. She had almost forgotten about it by now.

“So, are you ready to learn?”

Alix nodded, still too surprised to say much – she hadn’t expected to be getting music lessons today, of all things.

“Okay. The name of the instrument means ‘moon lute’ and it’s got these two strings made of silk, and you can pretty much tune it how you want, though I’ve put them a 5th apart for now, and…”

For a while he explained various things about the instrument itself, far more knowledgeable than usual. Then he began teaching her to play simple little notes on it. It certainly did have a different feel to a guitar, despite still being a string instrument.

The strangest thing was how good a teacher Kim was. For once he wasn’t being his usual annoying competitive self, as much fun as that always was. He was being…

Well, he was being more like Max!

Maybe all that tutoring he’d been getting had ended up being put to good use, and not just for schoolwork. Perhaps what Kim had learnt from Max was something far more valuable. Patience, encouragement, clarity. It was surprising, and in the best way possible.

“And that concludes today’s lesson,” Kim said finally, once Alix had actually managed to play a little tune on the instrument. “As a thank you for being such a good student, here’s a sticker. Happy Cupid Festival, you little goofball.”

He pushed aside her fringe and stuck a friendship sticker on her forehead, just like he’d done last year. Almost at the same moment, the sounds of torrential rain from outside lessened to near-silence. Looked like those cookies had worked on Mireille after all.

“Well, as a thank you for being a good teacher, here’s thirty six friendship stickers,” Alix said, pulling a roll of sticker paper out of her pocket and thrusting it into his hands. “I mean, it’s not as cool a present as yours, but…”

“Yeah, well it makes sense.” Kim had already started peeling off the stickers and putting them all over his shirt. “My best friend is way cooler than your best friend, so she deserves to get better presents.”

“What? No, you’re wrong. My best friend is way cooler than yours, he’s the coolest ever and even thirty six friendship stickers aren’t enough to show it.”

“Pffffffff, that’s stupid. My best friend is the awesomest person in the universe, while your best friend is a total idiot, and you know it.”

“Well actually, your best friend is the one who’s a total idiot, while mine is surprisingly smart and thoughtful, so…”

-... --- - .... / --- ..-. / -.-- --- ..- / .- .-. . / .. -.. .. --- - ...! the snake tapped out on the wall behind them.

“What did he say?” Kim asked.

“Um… he says you’re still a punk bitch, but he’s gonna miss your stupid antics after school finishes.”

Kim grinned at her, not fooled for a second. “Yeah, okay. And what else does he say?”

“He says that… that you’re a really awesome friend. Like, when you’re not being annoying. Okay, even when you’re annoying! Because you’re fun. And… and no one else in the universe is like that. No one else is as fun to hang out with, or mess around with, or just talk to, or…”

“Wow, your snake really seems to think highly of me, huh?” He winked and ruffled her hair.

“Yeah, I guess he does.”

“You know, Alix, you’ve already told me more than once how awesome you think I am, and how we’re gonna be best friends forever and all of that stuff. I already know you love me. You don’t have to keep being all defensive about it! You don’t need to worry about me getting really full of myself – I’ve got Max for that!”

“No, it’s not that…” She put the instrument aside and curled up with her knees to her chest, wondering how to put it. “It’s just… we’re not really gonna be best friends forever, are we?”

“What? Why not?”

“Because you’ll leave! When the summer holidays start! Either that or something awful will happen, but let’s pretend it won’t – you’ll go home and you’ll stay there for years and years and I won’t get to see you.”

“But that doesn’t mean we won’t still be friends! I’ll call you up like every single day, and… and…”

“That’s not the same, is it? I know that friendships diminish over time and distance in a way that romances don’t, because… because it’s less important… and I know you say it’s not, but…” She trailed off, wondering if she sounded like a whiny broken record. It still worried her, though. Sometimes it seemed that life had doomed her to forever be a third wheel, no matter what it took.

Kim gently put an arm around her. “Then it’s a good thing this isn’t normal friendship, is it? It’s super, extra special friendship. And the reason I gave you the đàn nguyệt this time is so that next year when I probably won’t be able to meet up with you, you’ve still got a cool present to remember me with.”

She wiped her eyes with her sleeve. “I need to give you something really special too then…”

“You already did! My phone was a present from you, remember? And I wasn’t lying about calling you up every single day. When the telecommunication lines back home are fixed, I’ll be able to talk to you whenever I want.”

“Good! You’d better!”

He pulled her into a hug and didn’t let go. “You’re so tiny and annoying. I’m gonna miss you.”

It wasn’t often that he hugged her like this. Usually his ridiculously long, heartfelt hugs were reserved for Max, so often that it was a wonder they hadn’t lost their impact. But this felt special, and different, and good.

“Hey Kim?”

“Yeah?”

“Promise me you’ll be careful.”

He chuckled. “Wow, I can’t believe you’re the one telling me that. No wonder you’re related to Jalil.”

“I mean it! Fu said the timelines are gonna split again, didn’t he? I don’t want you to… I don’t want anything bad to happen to you, okay?”

She left out what she really wanted to say. I don’t want you to die. True, not every bad timeline had resulted in death. But the ones that had turned out fatal still haunted her. Decapitation, snake venom, poisoned chocolates… what could possibly be next? Whatever it was, she couldn’t let it happen to Kim. The thought of losing him, after everything else they’d had to go through…

“You have a point,” he muttered. “I’ll be careful, I promise. I don’t wanna die.”

Oh, so he was thinking it too. Was he afraid? He must be. Everything seemed so much colder all of a sudden, thinking about those stupid cursed timelines full of despair.

“Hey look, it’s snowing!” He let go of her and jumped off the bench, running over to the balcony. She looked over to see that it had indeed started snowing outside – maybe that was the actual reason it was suddenly cold, then. Had Mireille not liked the cookies or something?

She followed him over, looking over the edge of the railings at the raging river down below. “The moat’s really turbulent today, isn’t it?”

“Pffffffffff, I could totally still swim across it. Not that I would! Because I am being careful from now on, of course, so I won’t do that.”

“Good.” It was cold out here, but something was making her cold on the inside too. Like some strange sense of… foreboding. But what? She had a quick check of the timelines, but nothing bad was happening in any of them right now.

“This is so awesome!” Kim was saying, catching snowflakes on the tip of his finger. “I hardly ever get to see snow, and now me and Max’s date is gonna be a snowy one, that’s gonna be so cute…”

Alix didn’t want to dampen his fun, but she had something on her mind, and she had to say it. “Dude, I have a bad feeling about this place.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know, I can’t put my finger on it. I just don’t like it. This… this balcony here.”

The snake hissed, tapping something on the railing.

-- . / - --- ---!

“Oh good, so it’s not just me…”

Kim was staring at her in wonder. “Alix, are you psychic or something? ‘Cause that’s awesome!”

“I’m not psychic! Well except the timeline thing. It just feels bad somehow and I don’t know why. Look, I’m gonna go now, it’s freezing out here…”

“Oh yeah, same. I need to go prepare for my awesome Cupid date with Max. See you later then!” He gave her another quick hug, then ran off.

Huh… this Cupid Festival somehow seemed so bittersweet compared to the other ones. Two years ago the biggest thing she had to worry about was wondering if her friend secretly had a crush on her. Last year she’d been totally focused on getting Kim and Max together, and it had worked. This year though, she’d got the nicest present ever, and reassurance that her best friend cared about her too much to ever drift away, but with the ever-growing fear that she would lose him at some point during the next few months…

Max was already waiting out at the fountain in the snow. He was early, he knew it, but there was just something so enchanting about snow! Though he was not an outdoors person in general, this kind of weather was too precious and fleeting to miss. Sure, the ground was still slippery and wet from the rain earlier, and the snow was not settling, so maybe a lunch picnic here would not be ideal. But at least spending some time out here would be nice.

Thinking back to last year he remembered how it had been so sunny and bright, such a different atmosphere to now. That was back before the assassination drama, before the Bourgeois Empire almost collapsed into chaos, before the danger got so real and tangible that it weighed everyone down. Part of him just wanted to go back. Last year’s Cupid Festival had been a day so magical it was almost impossible to believe it had really happened. But the results were right here – Kim was his sweetheart, and had been now for a whole year!

Right on cue, he saw Kim running over towards him out of the snowy mist. “Max! How dare you get here before me?!”

The next thing he knew, he had been wrapped in one of Kim’s giant ribcage-crushing hugs, though this one seemed much fluffier than usual considering the coats they were wearing.

“I guess I’m just quicker than you sometimes,” Max replied, gladly hugging Kim back. “Remember last year, when I confessed before you too?”

Kim hugged him even tighter. “Of course I remember. That was like, the best day of my life. Anyway, I guess I’ll beat you to giving you a present this year, and it’s not just gonna be a generic Cupid sticker.”

He reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a little box. For a few seconds Max wondered if the box contained a ring, and if Kim was about to get down on one knee and… well, it wasn’t like Kim hadn’t proposed before already, because he had. But the thought of him doing it properly stopped Max’s heart for a moment in a way that it hadn’t done before – oh boy, if Kim actually really proposed to him…

“I know I kinda already gave you a brooch,” Kim continued, his face going red, “but that one didn’t really count, did it? I bought it for Chloé, and then I only actually gave it to you because Alix didn’t want it. It didn’t really mean… well, it didn’t mean what this present’s going to mean.”

He opened the box and pulled out a small heart-shaped object. It was partially red, partially green, and decorated with little heart sequins. Definitely not a ring.

“I made this one myself. With Marinette’s help, though, since I don’t really know how to make stuff. But yeah, it’s green and red because green’s your favourite colour and red’s mine, so I thought it would suit us. And um… this time when I’m giving it to you, I really mean it.”

Kim stepped in and pinned the new brooch to the front of Max’s coat, so gently and delicately, frowning slightly in concentration. Max couldn’t take his eyes off him. Those little flecks of snow settling in his hair, the admiration in those dreamy grey eyes, the visible wisps of breath curling out into the cool winter air, oh, there was just something so beautiful about it all.

“There you go. A new brooch, and an actual Cupid present this time. And I know I say this all the time, but I… I love you, Max. A lot. And every time I say it, I mean it.”

It was true that this was something Max had heard very often, considering how openly affectionate Kim was with him, even long before they’d gotten together. But this time Kim seemed somewhat more flustered, now running a hand through his hair and inadvertently loosening many of the snowflakes resting there.

“And like… I know I’m a hopeless romantic and I’ve had loads of crushes on people, but this one feels different. It always felt different. You… you just feel right, Max, in a way that no one else ever did. You’re always there for me. You’re special. And I don’t wanna use the term ‘true love’ lightly, because I know I take love way more seriously than other people, but…”

He trailed off. Max tried to think of something to say in reply, anything at all! But it would just be impossible to match Kim’s heartfelt speech in words of his own. Instead he laid his shaking hands on the side of Kim’s face, those warm cheeks heating up his frozen fingers, and kissed him softly. It had been exactly a year since their first kiss, and how many had they had in between? Too many to count.

By the time he pulled away his glasses had fogged up too much for him to see. It didn’t matter, though. He simply closed his eyes again and let his forehead rest against Kim’s, still close enough to be sharing breaths. His lips were tingling, and not from the cold.

“I love you too, Kim,” he breathed. “I love your present, and I… I feel the same way about you that you do about me…”

“You do?”

“Yes. I’m well and truly in love with you.”

“Aww, Max, me too…” Kim chuckled slightly. “That’s so cheesy though. I love it.”

“I know. And I have a present for you too.” He stepped back and quickly cleaned his glasses, then pulled the little wrapped gift out of his pocket and gave it to Kim. “Here you go. I feel like perhaps it’s not as heartfelt as the brooch you made for me, but I wanted to give you something that you can use, so…”

Kim had opened the wrapping in no time and was now staring in wonder at the little box in his hand. “Is this some kind of camera?!”

“Yes. I remember how excited you were to buy a disposable camera in my kingdom quite a while ago, so I built a digital one for you while I was working on Markov. It doesn’t run on film, so you can use it for as long as you like, and can transfer the pictures onto your phone to look at them or send them to people.”

“You… you built me a techy camera?”

“Yep!”

For a few seconds Kim just stared in silent amazement, before pulling Max into another giant hug. “That’s the coolest thing ever! A digital camera! And you’re the one who built it, I mean, can you even get any cooler? I’ve got the coolest sweetheart in the entire world!”

Hearing compliments from Kim always made Max’s heart swell with pride and love. “I’m so glad you like it! You’ll send me pictures you take, right?”

“Of course I will! In fact…” He let go and pressed the on switch on the camera. “The first picture I take has gotta be of you. Or wait! It’s gotta be us. Both of us. I don’t know how I’m gonna do that with no one else here, but I’ll find a way.”

“The commoners have a recent trend of doing that actually,” Max said. “Hold the camera at arm’s length with the lens pointing in our direction and hope it works.”

“Okay, I’ll try that… Smile!”

Max put on his best smile as Kim held out the camera with one arm and put the other around him. There was a snap as he took the photo, then they took a look at the preview of the photo on the little screen at the back. It seemed to have worked, even if it did look a bit daft – the two of them were smiling cheerfully at the camera, with the snow around them and the fountain in the background.

“Oh Max, this is perfect! This is wonderful! Thank you so much!”

“Well thank you for being a wonderful friend and sweetheart!”

“This picture is the best. I’m gonna get it printed out and framed. And then when I properly go home, I’ll hang it up on the wall in my bedroom. That way I’ll get to see you every day, even if you’re halfway across the world.”

Max’s heart sank slightly – it was a bittersweet notion. “I’ll do the same. I’m going to miss you a lot, you know.”

Kim, putting his new camera into his coat pocket, sighed. “Yeah, same. I guess some things about getting to go home again are happy, and other things are sad. In fact, since I don’t even know whether or not I’m gonna make it all the way to summer, I want to ask you to do something.”

“Kim–”

“Shhh, you know what Fu said about the timelines, you know you might end up in the bad one. Please listen.”

Thinking about a possible timeline where Kim was not with him was almost too heart-wrenching to contemplate, but it was a possibility all the same. Max nodded.

“Okay. So, whether or not I live or get to go home or whatever, you have to promise me you’ll still hang out with Alix loads. Properly, I mean. Spend time with her and stuff.”

“Of course I will!”

“Good, because she always says how she never had real friends before coming to school, especially not best friends, and I know she’s worried about me. But I’m not her only best friend – you are too. I’ll be too far away to do anything, but you won’t. I want you to make sure she’s not gonna spend the rest of her life as the lonely third wheel she’s always been. Even if we all end up in the best timeline, she’s still the only one who’ll actually have suffered through the experience of losing us all, and she’ll need more than just her pet snake for comfort.”

“I promise I’ll be there for her, no matter what,” Max said firmly. “You two will both have countries to run, but I won’t need to do that. I think I’ll actually have time to visit you both plenty.”

“What, even me?”

“Your kingdom may be far away, but didn’t you once say that the very first thing you’d do when returning is build an airport?”

“Huh, I did say that, didn’t I…”

“Exactly.” Max’s own sense of hope and resolve was increasing now, just at the thought of it. “If you do build an airport early in your reign, I’ll be able to visit fairly often. Of course there’s still the issue of cost and fuel and time zones, but we’ll sort that all out. The important thing is that I’ll be able to see you.”

Kim hugged him once more, though this time more gently, and when he pulled away his eyes were shining. “Yeah, that sounds awesome. And I guess I could attend International Alliance events myself rather than sending diplomats, so that would give me even more excuses to see you guys, right?”

“Right. But focus on your country first and foremost. Your people will need your help. And if you’re ever the one who needs help, well… I’ll only be a telephone call away.”

“Jeez, sometimes I wonder if it’s possible for you to get any sweeter, and you still manage to outdo yourself. I love you so much.” Kim took Max’s hands in his own. “Your hands are so cold!”

Max’s face wasn’t cold, that was for certain. “In that case you should probably keep holding onto them… you know, thermodynamic equilibrium and all that…”

“Hmmm…” Kim raised Max’s hands to his lips and kissed the tips of his fingers. “Hey Max? I know we probably should have lunch now, indoors so we don’t freeze, but I’m not in a hurry so, um… can I kiss you again? Please?”

Last year it had been Max who asked for a kiss, and this time Kim had indeed managed to beat him to it. He nodded, holding Kim’s hands a little tighter. “You always can.”

“Aww… Happy Cupid Festival, Max.”

“Happy Cupid Festival, Kim.”

They kissed again, thousands of snowflakes swirling around them in the winter breeze, settling into their hair and clothes only to melt in their shared warmth, and even a few mysterious flower petals seemed to float through. And Max was melting too, his cold hands heating up, and he wanted to make the most of every moment like this he got – aware that with a timeline split on the way between now and summer, every kiss with Kim might be his last.

#will anyone hate me if i make markov the token straight friend? yes a robot #royalty au #miraculous ladybug #le chien kim #max kante #kimax #like sO MUCH KIMAX #alix kubdel #markov #random stuff #aish writes #the misadventures of prince kim

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idolizerp · 6 years

Photo

[ LOADING INFORMATION ON GALAXY’S MAIN VOCALIST HWAN…. ]

DETAILS

CURRENT AGE: 20 DEBUT AGE: 17 SKILL POINTS: 13 VOCAL | 07 DANCE | 00 RAP | 10 PERFORMANCE

INTERVIEW

the little prince.

now, really, midas media couldn’t have come up with a better brand even if they had tried. the little prince was a household name: shot straight out of the stars, wide-eyed, cradling his beating, tender heart. dropped on this earth to question a world of grown-ups, who had all forgotten what was truly important in their every day lives. "it is only with the heart that one can see rightly,” so the novel had said. “what is essential is invisible to the eye.“

and what did the heart see?

midas’ heart set its sights on the one and only lee hwan. lee hwan, the poster child for Everything An Idol Should Be. lee hwan, the veteran trainee. lee hwan, the resident baby genius. cut from only the best cloth, hwan had always been destined for greatness – and, even before galaxy’s debut, he would go on to carry the title of midas media’s ‘little prince’ with pride and unabashed confidence. he was the trainee with his own fanclub, after all. the highly anticipated galaxy’s very own golden boy.

( so where had it all gone wrong? )

galaxy debuts in 2014. during the months prior, marketing had worked hard to keep his fans fed. it was hwan’s face that would pop up first in that green search engine and antoine de saint-exupéry’s novel would take home that loss. the public knew his face, the public knew his name. the public knew lee hwan, the little prince – …but who the hell was galaxy anyway?

the group’s debut was underwhelming at most. the ball was slow to start and it took more effort than they had ever anticipated to get it rolling. galaxy’s golden boy could only get them so far. and with the fanbase that did bloom, fans gushing over their little prince ( “he’s too pure! he’s too good for this world!” ), so grew his critics, as well ( “man, midas favors him. look at that line distribution. he can’t even sing that well?” ). lee hwan, the poster child for all idols. lee hwan, with his angelic face and tender voice. lee hwan, who had always been told that he had enough stage charisma to swallow up an entire audience whole –

yeah. no. lee hwan, the little prince, was pretty fucking disappointed.

and, needless to say, midas media was too.

( but hwan hadn’t given up everything for this. he hadn’t sacrificed his time, his effort, and his life for this. five years as a trainee. transplanted from masan, changwon-si, separated from his mother and his father and everything he had ever known. denied a normal childhood in the hopes of a legacy. promised greatness but shoved into the backseat at the first sign of mediocrity. no, hwan hadn’t signed up for this. and he wasn’t about to go down without a fight. )

hwan worked hard. carried the weight of his title like a shroud and worked really, really – really – fucking hard. weathered the negative feedback on his vocals, endured the company’s sudden reluctance to have him involved in album production. smiled like an angel for the cameras and jumped in with clever one-liners for the variety crowds. he fought tooth and nail, with that perfect, perfect face of his, to make a name for himself. to salvage his group. to endorse his members. to survive in an industry that worked like a goddamn revolving door.

because, let’s face it, if midas wasn’t going to save galaxy’s supposed golden boy, then lee hwan would do it himself. the little prince was his title – and he’d protect that goddamn crown until the very, bitter end.

BIOGRAPHY

circa 2009.

“is this really what you want to do, hwan-ah?”

hwan stares up at the gleaming building before him and swallows around the lump in his throat. his mother’s hand is too cold in his and he can feel his father’s gaze prickling at the nape of his neck. questioning him. doubting him.

hwan squares his shoulders. stands up as tall as he can.

“yes. i love music. i love singing,” he answers firmly. fake bravado saves him and he prays that his hand isn’t shaking in hers. “yes!”

three hours later, he presses a shaky, ink-stained thumb to a paper filled with too many words he does not understand. his father’s gaze is unreadable. his mother’s mouth twists as if she might cry. hwan drags his ink-stained thumb along the curve of her mouth and smiles when he stains her bottom lip red.

“please don’t cry,” is all that he says.

this is what i want, is what he hopes she hears, instead. i promise.

ii.

circa 2010.

he rolls his ankle first. his shoulder injury comes the week after.

most injuries could be brushed off – but the shoulder turns out to be tricky. hwan cannot wear it like the other bruises he hides beneath his hoodies and it refuses to be fixed by a trusty salon pas patch from the convenience store down the street – and so, finally, he relents on the seventh day.

the doctor sets his shoulder in a matter of minutes. eyes his ankle and leaves to update his medical chart. his aunt watches, teary-eyed, from the foot of the hospital bed – but hwan is no stranger to pain and manages to smile shakily by the end of it all. the nurse offers him a small sticker for his efforts.

“you were very brave,” she praises him warmly.

hwan returns the smile. wide and crooked.

“it didn’t even hurt!” he lies. “i’m used to worse!”

this earns him a curious smile. his aunt clears her throat.

“he’s a trainee,” she clarifies. “a trainee at midas media. he’s in his first – no, his second year. injuries… are common. he – he dances a lot.”

“ah,” the nurse clicks her tongue, peeling off another sticker from her roll. she presses it onto hwan’s cheek, now, with a grin. “then here’s one more for you. please don’t forget me when you become a big superstar, hwan-gun!”

“i won’t!” he laughs brightly, rubbing at the sticker on his face. “you and my aunt can join my fanclub as soon as it opens! i’ll make sure you’re the first ones! i’ll even sing for you two when you join!”

the nurse nearly presses her entire roll of stickers into his palms after.

iii.

circa 2011.

“you wrote this?”

hwan can’t tell if he’s in trouble or not. he tucks his hands behind his back respectfully and straightens up just in case.

“yes. yes, i did.”

yongguk stares at the tattered notebook in his hands, hwan’s headphones still dangling from one of the pages. he itches to reach for it but holds himself back. wills himself to stay put, hands politely folded, his expression schooled into the closest thing to neutral as he can make it.

“this…” yongguk starts, voice unbelieving. “hwan-ah, this is…”

he finally looks up from the notebook and meets the young trainee’s gaze. hwan isn’t sure what exactly the producer is looking for but yongguk searches his face like he’s looking for the path to enlightenment in hwan’s crooked wire-rimmed glasses.

“this is really… really… really – good,” he finally breathes out. he slowly sits down. steals hwan’s usual spot against the bookcase but doesn’t even seem to notice. his eyes are already back on the notebook, thumb smoothing over half-finished lyrics, written in hwan’s messy scrawl. “how long have you been writing your own music, kid?”

hwan (he’s pretty sure, now, that he isn’t in trouble. probably. hopefully.) takes an uncertain seat down beside the older man. rubs at the back of his neck and wrinkles his nose.

“i don’t know?” he replies truthfully. “since the beginning? before i came here. before i started. i don’t know. i can’t remember the first song i made. i think i’m just always making music. i’m always listening to something. i always wanna listen to something. i’ve never… i never thought someone else would wanna hear it too.”

yongguk’s voice turns reverent and he reaches out eagerly for the boy’s wrist. pulls him in closer. motions towards the mp3 player and the dangling earbuds.

“let me listen again,” he asks earnestly. sincerely. hwan feels something swell in his chest that he can’t quite place his finger on. it feels like pride. pride in being praised? pride in being heard? his head swims and he feels lightheaded with emotion when yongguk tugs at his wrist again. “let me listen one more time?”

yes, i love music! i love singing!

the memory echoes in his ears and, as yongguk eagerly hits play, hwan suddenly realizes that he wants to add one more thing to that list.

i love music. i love singing.

but i think i might love making music – and letting people listen to it – even more.

iv.

circa 2012.

"is that lee hwan?”

“the lee hwan? midas’ lee hwan?”

“oh my god, he’s even better looking in person.”

“kinda short though, don’t you think? i read in a daum cafe that he’s not even 160cm! maybe that’s why he still hasn’t debuted. they’re waiting for him to grow a few more centimeters, kekeke.”

“shh, what if he hears you?”

“he can’t hear anything, he has headphones in –”

hwan rolls his eyes and sits up straighter. taller. his shoulder aches at the sudden movement and he rests his head against the bus’ glass windowpane for support. the city is speeding by, the sun melting into the concrete horizon up ahead. the school girls to his left fall away and he tilts his chin up, letting the light kiss his face.

he forgets about practice, he forgets about his shoulder. he forgets about the questioning, prying, curious eyes to his left and to his right – maybe that’s why he still hasn’t debuted yet? kekeke – and simply lets the sunset swallow him up whole.

circa 2013.

“is that the best you can do?”

jungah ssaem’s gaze is unforgiving and hwan bristles beneath it. yesterday, this had been enough. yesterday, jungah ssaem had praised him for being great.

“did i do something wrong?” he counters, meeting her glare with his own. if he was older, he would’ve resisted. if he was smarter, he wouldn’t have started at all. but lee hwan is sixteen years old with an ego that barely makes it through the front door and he isn’t about to take shit from a vocal trainer who had failed out of a girl group seven years prior. “i thought i sounded fine.”

jungah’s eyes narrow.

“you sound the same as you did yesterday,” she replies curtly. “did you even practice the points i told you to review?”

hwan is unimpressed and unfazed. he flops back down onto the piano bench and rolls his shoulders back, rubbing at an aching spot with a frown.

“i don’t agree with the points you wanted me to practice,” he answers simply. “if i add in the adlib you want, it makes me sound old. this way is trendier. it sounds better like this.”

“lee hwan, are you really that–”

“good?” hwan lifts his gaze to meet the older woman’s. levels it steadily and yawns once. “yes. i am. i know what sounds good. yongguk hyung already approved, too. i’m keeping it this way. i sound better this way.”

if looks could kill, jungah ssaem would’ve murdered him, right then and there.

luckily, she can’t. obviously, she won’t. not if she wants to keep this job. not as long as lee hwan fucking sits on his stupid throne.

hwan yawns again and reaches for his headphones.

“are we done here?”

vi.

circa 2014.

“i’m proud of you, hwan-ah.”

his mother is shaking and hwan moves to pull her closer. gathers her in his arms and presses his cheek to the top of her head. his limbs are clumsy. he hasn’t held her (she hasn’t held him) since he was a child and he isn’t sure what to do with his elbows. she leans into him anyway.

“you looked so good up there on stage, honey,” she whispers into the collar of his shirt. he can hear his members hollering behind him. “i’m so, so proud of you.”

the words smooth over his heart like a balm.

like a sunset on a bus in june, it warms him from the inside out. fills out the cracked, broken parts of himself. soothes the ache in his shoulder that burns more from bitterness than injury, better than any medication could. i’m so proud of you. he thinks it might make up for the years lost, too. the graduation he missed, the friends he hasn’t seen. i’m so proud of you. does it make up for his father’s absence? does it make up for the years he spent sweating, crying, bleeding alone, in practice rooms meant for five but could only allow one? the disappointment, the hope, the gossip, the hate. his crippling pride and the soul-crushing competition. is it enough to make up for it all? is it enough for him?

i’m so proud of you.

yes, hwan thinks with a slow exhale. yes, it is.

i love music, i love singing!

“this is what i always wanted, remember?” hwan breathes in his mother’s perfume. tightens his grip around her and tries to hold his broken family together in his arms. “this is what i want. this is what i’ve always wanted.”

i’m so proud of you, lee hwan.

vii.

circa 2015.

the first headline reads: much-awaited galaxy debut! overshadowed by produce 101′s breakout season finale?

the second: midas media speaks out on declining record sales. olympus will save the kpop wave!

hwan drops the third ( who is galaxy – ) without even bothering finishing reading the title. his drink is sour and the sunset has been long finished.

he stares outside the black, empty window, regardless.

viii.

circa 2016.

(he didn’t fucking sign up for this.)

ix.

circa 2017.

“lee hwan,” jungah smiles coolly, raising her coffee cup to him from across the hall.

hwan grits his teeth and forces himself to stop, dipping his head in a brief, uncomfortable bow. her smile only grows.

“i heard this unit doesn’t include you?” she taps a finger against the cardboard cup and hums, sing-song. “what’s yongguk doing – not including you on this track? seems strange not to include the main vocalist, don’t you think?”

“this concept isn’t–” hwan suddenly snaps his mouth shut. swallows down the words. the defensive retort that had threatened to tumble out. it burns down his throat like the very coffee in jungah’s hands.

“what? cat got your tongue?” her mouth is twisted in a pleased, unnatural smile. she nods her head towards him dismissively. motioning for him to leave. motioning for him to keep fucking going.

“don’t worry,” she laughs down the hall as she heads towards the elevator. “…we’re done here, lee hwan.”

ix.

circa 2018.

“hwan, i didn’t know you were so clever!”

“your face is a gift from the heavens, to be honest.”

“your recent unit project was done so well, hwan. i heard you’re interested in participating in the actual production for the next one? fascinating!”

“i saw you on that variety show yesterday! you did great, honey.”

“hwan! lee hwan! can i please have your autograph!”

“my son actually told me the other day that he wants to become a singer because of you. he saw you and told me he wanted to become an idol, just like you, bless his heart. can you believe it?”

“hwan – lee hwan!”

i love music! i love singing!

this is what he wants.

whether he’s twelve, or fifteen, or twenty fucking years old.

this is what he wants!

even when he’s loved. even when he’s cast aside.

this is what he wants?

…right?

#id.bio #id.galaxy #id.midas #id.park jihoon

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conceptsnest · 4 years

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ACTIVE AND CONSTRUCTIVE RESPONDING: FEEDBACK SYSTEM

The feedback we receive can sometimes feel like nonsense. For Example, an employee in an organisation once stated: “This company doesn’t care about parents.” The employee then proceeded to gripe about the lack of maternity and paternity benefits. Admittedly, the CEO agreed that the company’s maternity and paternity leave policies could be improved… But she was livid about the broad accusation that “this company doesn’t care about parents.” What an unfair generalization. The CEO was conflicted about how to react to the feedback:

1) She didn’t want to come off as being defensive to her employee.

2) But she also didn’t want sweeping, inflammatory remarks to be seen as well-received by the employee.

How was she supposed to take this feedback? It felt like nonsense. Nonsense feedback usually comes in one of three forms…

Given that how we receive feedback as a leader sets the tone of openness and honesty in the company, this is especially challenging. If we dismiss the feedback too readily or respond negatively to it, we are likely to discourage that person (and the rest of our team) from ever voicing their honest opinion again. But, if the feedback goes completely unchecked, then untrue, rude, or vague feedback could become normalized, accepted behaviour in the company. Some ways to receive each type of the feedback above and still encourage an open, honest company environment may be:-

01. If the feedback is untrue:

When we receive feedback that is inaccurate, misinformed (or even a straight-up lie), it’s important to not just blurt out, “I think you’re wrong.” Such a knee-jerk response — even if we are in the right — will come across as defensive to the other person. Instead, take a little time (be it 30 minutes, or a day or two) to verify that the feedback is indeed false, before letting that other person know. This way, we can first make sure we do have your facts straight, and more calmly point out and share why we think their feedback is untrue.

We may also want to acknowledge our own role in why they may have been misinformed, and how we could have contributed to the issue. Rarely does an employee independently give incorrect feedback (unless they are maliciously lying). Usually, as leaders, we have not done our role well enough to shine a light on something — hence their misinformed feedback.

02. If the feedback is true, but poorly delivered:

When someone blows up at us or goes on a complaining rant, no matter how true the content of what their feedback may be to us — we will want to make aware to the other person that their delivery was inappropriate. Again, to make sure we don’t come across as defensive, we don’t want to say: “You’re a complainer” or “That was rude.” Instead, we can use this as an opportunity to guide/coach them. Show that we are not resentful (example- “not to detract from the merit of what you’re saying,”) and be forward-looking by (example- “in the future” or “next time”). We want this person to continue to speak up and give us their candid perspective, just not in the manner they delivered it in. Communicate this to them calmly, kindly, and directly.

03. If you cannot tell whether or not the feedback is true:

Unclear feedback is perhaps the most frustrating type of feedback to receive because it can feel like a waste of our time to try to unpack. Asking questions is the key to learning and getting to the truth of the feedback.

Sample Questions:

1) “Can you give me an example of what you’re talking about, just so I can better understand and improve for the future?”

2) “Going forward, what’s the one thing you’d like to see done differently?”

3) “Was there a specific moment or occurrence that triggered what you’re describing?”

4) “What would success look like to you in this situation?”

Questions can also serve as guideposts to our employees, encouraging them to give us feedback with more clarity and in a specific manner the next time.

Handling these three types of untrue, rude, and vague feedback require a bit of patience and self-discipline. Our natural reaction in our inner monologue must be quelled and placed aside.

Ways To Give Employee Recognition Sincerely

Employee recognition is about saying something and meaning it. If a heart emoji or a free lunch are the only ways we say “thank you” or “good job” in our company — we are missing the point. If we want to say something sincerely, we must say it with words. These days, we care about the stickers — not the words. We rely on stickers, gadgets and trinkets to express our gratitude because, often times, we don’t know what to say, how to say it, or when to say it.

There are, of course, more than these ways to deliver recognition for a job well done. The most important piece is not to get lazy. Use your words. Be specific. And mean them.

Correct Type of Feedback

Choosing the correct type of feedback can improve relationships. Helping people to grow and improve is very satisfying. Hence constructive and re-enforcing feedback seems natural to use often. However there is a continuum of behaviour that prompts feedback and unfortunately it should not always result in re-enforcing feedback. The feedback approach should change to suit the type of behavior we are providing feedback about. Choosing the correct approach is crucial in effecting the outcome that will help the individual, team and ourselves.

What is Active and Constructive Responding?

Active and constructive responding (ACR) refers to one of four ways in which we respond to good news; it is part of a theoretical framework proposed by psychologist Shelly Gable. Active and constructive responding is the most effective way to respond, giving both the deliverer of good news and the listener a positive outcome. (The other three ways include passive and constructive, active and destructive, and passive and destructive.)

How do you react to a friend when they share good news? Imagine a friend announces that she received a promotion at work. There are many ways in which we could respond to this news. An ACR responder might say, “That’s amazing! I knew they would recognize your hard work. Let’s grab a bottle of champagne and celebrate. I’d love to hear more about your new position.” When people share good news, they want you to share in their joy. Conveying authentic interest, pride, and even curiosity in someone’s good news are all hallmarks of ACR.

The other three typical forms of response include a passive and constructive reaction. One might say, “That’s good news.” This response includes positive feedback but does not include an active, elaborative component. An active and destructive responder may say, “I never get to see you as it is. If you take this promotion, you’re going to be even more stressed than you are now.” Although you have actively elaborated in response to the news, the content is destructive. Then there is the least effective response which is passive and destructive – “Okay. Are you ready for lunch?” This response is passive and contains no positive, affirming information. Essentially, it’s a blow off to the good news.

ACR extends to nonverbal communication as well. It includes eye contact and smiles, while an active and destructive response features frowning or glares. Both types of passive response include little or no emotional expression. A passive and destructive response may also include a lack of eye contact or leaving the room.

Uses in daily Life

ACR helps develop and maintain strong personal relationships. If we retrain ourselves to offer active and constructive responses to the people in our life, we will find ourselves feeling more positive as well as receiving positive feedback from others. For example, when a child tells us that he/she has been selected for the school play, resist the urge to complain about how much more driving that will mean for us or how much his/her costume will cost. Resist the urge to just say, “I’m proud of you.” Instead, congratulate him/her with specific statements of praise. For example, you might say, “That’s great news! You practiced so hard over the summer, and now it’s paying off. I can’t wait to see you on stage. Tell me more about it!”

Breaking the habit of making passive or destructive responses can be difficult. Over time, it will become natural to respond actively and constructively to others’ good news.

Content Curated By: Dr Shoury Kuttappa

#feedback #judgements #destructive #generalization #recognition #praise #buzzwords #leadership #behaviours #thoughts #perceptions #communication #coordination #cooperation #collaboration #response #constructive #joy #sharing

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dreams-for-the-apoplectic · 4 years

Text

something i will probably never finish but like enough that im posting it anyway

Bro leans in the doorway of your room,

(and you see him from your periphery: boxers loose on bony hips and patterned with hearts, no shirt, can of orange soda in hand with shades neatly tucked on the bridge of a strikingly crooked nose)

and tells you,

(over the sound of the fans, three, overclocked on some jury-rigged upgrades he threw together last year when the air conditioner went schizo cherry apeshit, just like now, again, for the second time this week spewing out mad fumes all grey-black and choked from its old, dusty vents)

that you and he should just ollie outie of this midsummer popsicle stand and move somewhere the sun don’t actively to attempt murder you in the crispiest degree, KFC style.

And you jokingly tell him sure, fuck it, anything is better than clawing my way up Fire Death Concrete Mountain aka Texas Mordor, clutching this bitchin’ ring of power and muttering all manner of rapturous obscenities and salacious innuendos for my precious. Sign me up Major Douchenozzle, I’ll shimmy my fine ass up this fabled air-conditioned igloo any day.

A week later and you've packed your shit, grabbed your ticket, and are hopping the next flight to Vermont.

(four hours, fifty-one minutes, seven seconds, and Bro practically jumps off the plane hyperventilating when you touch down. you didn’t know how much he hated flying. you’ve never been on a plane before; if you didn’t know better, you’d think he hasn’t either. and if you quirk an eyebrow just over the rim of your aviators, and the side of your mouth makes a confused downturn for a second or two at just how fucking strange that that is, well, that was just a trick of the light, and the light is a dirty liar.)

He and you stick out like sore thumbs here

(with Bro in a crumpled white polo and asshole jeans and dumb fucking anime shades, one hand in his pockets with an impassive, calculating kind of expression that you’re more used to than the panic, checking through tabs on Complete Bullshit for god knows what reason; you in the same shirt you wore yesterday, hair a meticulously crafted unkempt, posture slouching something awful as you bop right the fuck along to some sicknasty new bassline Jade dropped on you the night before, thinking of ways to remix it into this new beat you’ve been working on)

among a crowd of home-grown New England faces haughty white and upturned and staring down at you and Bro like some trash that just rolled in from Doesn't Fucking Belong Here, USA.

(the luggage belt is moving so slow, so, so slow, it’s like watching a retarded crippled snail attempt a marathon against the goddamn salt shaker, and you wish you could just shake off the lingering, disdainful stares these people give the two of you, and you can, and you do)

(except you don't.)

You’re rolling through Montpelier an hour later, crammed up in the shotgun seat of an old, dirty, piece of shit pickup Bro apparently had nesting in the airport storage unit,

(it’s a rust hulk straight out of the early eighties, all torn up vinyl and engine rattling, with tacky, outdated bumper stickers on the back and a pine air freshener that does nothing to mask the smell of two-decade old cigarettes, and somehow you aren’t surprised this is his car because it is exactly how you imagined it.)

(you want to ask why he had a car in bumfuck, vermont and not in houston. you want to ask him if he even knows how to drive, but you hold your tongue nice and pretty and settle into the split vinyl seat cover)

moving past the city limits and into the countryside, over the state border and into New York. You give Bro the ‘what the fuck are we doing out here, man, is this the setup for a horror movie or some shit, because I’m not down to being the unwilling accomplice to some new echelon of fucked up smuppet snuff’ look, your fingers tapping in 4-4 on the dash, not really nervous so much as habitual.

(he ruffles your hair with a smirking, mean kind of half-smile, all teeth and teasing and unnatural. you swat at him uselessly.)

And then the road is quiet, and the sky is misting grey. It’s all evergreen and shrubbery and dark soil here, and small towns by clear water: fishing ponds, creeks and rivers, and more wildlife roaming these secondhand backroads than you’ve ever seen in Texas. It starts to rain a bit, ghosting against the glass, and over the soft creak of the windshield wipers Bro asks you if you wanna put on some music, little man, heard you were working on a new track and can I get a sneak peak at that delirious biznasty? And fuck yeah you have, even if it isn’t quite done yet, and you plop your phone on the dashboard, and the drive is comfortable,

(and you cannot shake this feeling that something is wrong.)

---

It isn’t an apartment, it’s a house in the goddamn woods; no, a fucking mansion in the goddamn woods, the design of it ripped straight from the personal architectural smutjournel of Frank Lloyd Wright, complete with white-foam waterfall and neo-American art deco pretension. Your mouth hangs open, and you know, you just fucking know a fly is about to buzz in that shit and set up a cozy little cottage, but you don’t care. This is straight wack, man.

(it looks vaguely familiar too, like something nostalgic stuck in your mental gears, cracked and rusted from disuse; something you saw once, a long time ago, in a place you can’t quite remember.)

Bro gestures you along along the concrete path, and you tell him no, wait, put the fucking brakes on Anime Goldilocks, what the fuck are we doing here, because this sure as shit can’t be where we’re living now, and I don’t wanna piss off the three bears. He pinches the bridge of his nose, and tells you in that deep southern mumble of his that, shit, kid, did you expect we’d just take a plane and end up in the same shitty apartment? And of course you didn’t

(even though you kind of did)

because that would be ridiculous, but-- you don’t know, you’ve been sharing a seven-hundred square foot living space with him for the past fifteen years. How are you supposed to react to a fucking mansion that just suddenly up and settled before you on delicate foundational popliteals and a stark-white concrete strapless all alluring and sultry? Just stand there stone-faced morose and stoic and fuck, that is exactly what you should be doing, isn’t it, because that was what he taught you, to

(stitch up the cuts slowly, careful with the needle and don’t fucking rush it, lil’ bro, even if they’re shallow you can’t just take it and jab that shit in, and for the love of god you gotta work on your dodge game, how the fuck do you expect not to get your ass served up sunnyside in a real fight?)

(̶̥̘͗̉̾̊͝ ̷̦̙̦͌͊̒́̍͛̀̀̈́́̚͘̕̚n̷̨̜̲͓̹̪͎̒͋́̊̎̐̍͌̆͘͝ͅͅͅ ̸̤̥̏́̌̑͒̈́̿́̃

̶̧̝͎̝͔͔̣̬͈̗̥̠̔̀͌̈́͆̒̇̋̋́̈́͐̈̚͝ ̷̡̛͕͚̰͉̦̼̤͍̘̝̹̮̩̈́̑̇̃̔͝͠ơ̷̡̧͔̘͇̖̫͉̳̳͖͇̰̻͗͛̿̋̾̏͘͝ ̸̨̧͈̱̫̩̲̦̭͖̿̃́̔͛̓̓͌̌͗̍̔̾͜ͅ

̷̢̮̮̠̠̬̖̙͈͋̍͛͆̔̈́̓̌̂̀͌̽͝͠ ̸̨̗̯̓͐̿̇͂͊̓́́̄̃̚͘͜͜.̷̲̙͓̮̮̬͓̈́̋͂͒̓̃͘͠͠)̸̧̖̪̦̥̪͙̫͍͙̩̻̺̩̒̌̈́͒͋͝ͅ

̵̬̯̪͛̓̈́̎̒́̂

It isn’t our house anyway, he says,

(and your mind slams on the brakes so hard you think you might flip this shit frontways, slam the roof on that motherfucker into the burning asphalt and skid off the edge of this brutal synapse fuckup.)

(you can’t remember what you were thinking. it’s blurry, and forgotten, and everything is normal again)

moving forward in long, atypical strides that you scramble to follow. The rain is still coming down, you realize, in a softer drizzle that dampens your shirt. Friend of mine lives here.

Holy shit, he has friends?

Yes, I have friends, you little shit, and you flinch when you realize you must have said that out loud. His arms flex, shoulder blades audibly popping with the contraction of muscle, and you flinch, and nothing happens. Her name is Roxy.

And shit, you guess that’s all there really is to say on the matter, because he doesn’t provide any further explanation and you sure as hell don’t ask. You duck under the porch roof and he raps a fat bar of knuckles on the door.

---

Roxy isn’t anything like you expect.

You don’t know what you were expecting, actually, considering you’ve only just heard about her, but she is perky and kind-eyed and so fucking sincere that the saccharine emotional font of exuberant delight that straight up sparkles from her is making you real uncomfortable.

She hugged you.

She hugged you and you liked it.

(and she hugged Bro too, made his spine go all weird fucking c-shaped wrongness as she crushes him against her chest, calls him Dirk like she fucking owns him.)

You’re ushered in as she turns on heel and sways away with a tipsy strut, sauced and sauntering and high stilettos tapping on the dark hardwood. She tells you to drop your things by the door, she can set each of you up with a room in a bit, and Dirk, honey, we have got so much catching up to do, I haven’ seen you and the lil’ guy in ages, and god yer both so fuckin’ tall I forgot about that bit,

(christ on the cross, she can speak at a mile a minute, accent a thickly laced New York staccato that matches Texas about as close to the intersection of nil and fuckall as you can get without running head-on into traffic.)

and Dirky, Dirkle, Dirk-a-licious, oh my god come here right now, I gotta show you this badass shit I‘ve been working on, it’s fuckin’ lit as hell, it has got switches and gizmos and all of the cool techy shit I know you swoon over, and you need to check out this code I wrote because you know I’m not about to trust anyone else to parse my sick lines, so come ooooooooooooon and there they go, Bro dragged stiff as cardboard across the floor by the hem of his fucking shirt. He gives you a side-eye look that says crosses somewhere between ‘don’t go anywhere, I’ll be right back’ and ‘help me.’

You shrug and flip him off and leave him to his fate. His death glare could kill a lesser man.

(holy shit.)

And then, quite suddenly, you are alone.

It’s not quiet, you notice - just a more subtle murmur than the scream of a city, made emptier without Roxy to fill up the room. Slow, churning movement below signals the languid rush of water as it tumbles beneath the floorboards and off the cliffside. Some woodland creature skitters in wet dirt beyond the window pane, which filters in ghost-grey light and shakes a bit when a particularly heavy set of raindrops hit.

You shuffle about awkwardly, and glance around for a second,

(the interior is lavishly decorated, you notice. posh white starkness for fineass digs. sir asshole the stone swamp wizard sits plainly in the foyer, nested in arcane robes of the dimwitted and tacky. a cat is nuzzled up at the foot of some kind of bronzed vacuum. the whole place smells like perfume and vodka. it’s kind of intoxicating.)

before deciding the panicked, lingering gaze is kind of stupid, and waiting for Bro to come back like a pining factory girl in the nineteen-forties writing sappy missives to the brave boys in Okinawa was lame as shit, so you flop down on the couch, all loose, gangly puberty limbs and feigned indifference and the muted light of your phone glaring back at you. You pull open a pesterchum window, shoot a few messages to Harley,

(some off-the-cuff rap cooked slow on these sick fires, like just put some whip cream and a goddamn cherry on that shit and call it a sunday. you also make sure to attach a file for the new sbahj comic you’ve been working on. you’ve lovingly dubbed the new arc ‘the spaztastic furry hatesex maelstrom,’ and you hope know she’ll love it.)

and Egbert,

(and you admit, muddled up in tangents and similes that take forever just to get to the goddamn point, that you actually took his recommendation and stuck through the bitterly tasteless cinema assassination of the week. you even wrote a shitty review for it on one of your ironically maintained critic blogs, and send him a link)

(you won’t admit you laughed at groundhog day. he will never let you live it down. never.)

and Lalonde,

(who is on, surprisingly, because you know she has school right now, and fuck if the flighty broad doesn’t take every swat of the educational ass whooping with a snide, condescending seriousness that has a way of getting just under your skin. she wants to go to Harvard, or Cornell, or Oxford, because she is smarter than you, and John, and maybe not Jade but damn is she close.)

(she doesn’t respond either, though, so you cast the thought away and send her some custom made memes deep fried in a hundred layers of crystalline jpeg illegibility and wait, fuck, holy shit)

and then someone is standing over you, peering with an appraising interest, like they’re looking at a slab of beef splayed out dumb on the chopping block. And you don’t flinch, you really don’t, even though you’re about five seconds away from flipping this shit backwards and kicking dust up as you run for the hills.

You can tell this girl is nasty. She is stygian lips and white-blonde hair and violet eyes that politely inform you that this is indeed the fucking slaughterhouse, that you guessed it right, and you’re about to get served up with a side of collard greens and barbecue sauce.

So of course the first words out of your mouth are 'sup, Rose.

Wait, wh

(you see her past the glow of a verdant sun, because even a double universe killing superbomb can't outshine her. cascading orange silk stitch wrapped in a star-shimmering supernova of violet eyes and pallid skin. it's like a goddamn angel come from the heaven; a smirk beneath the hood and fire in her belly. she is the fucking sun now, and nothing can even fucking compare.)

at.

(what the fuck.)

What the fuck.

(what the actual fuck dude.)

Do I know you? Her voice is just dripping contempt.

And you don't fucking know her. She isn't here. Rose is a billion lightyears off in the gay space commune, deep encoded digital vaporware that went out of style twelve fucking years ago. She is a string of chat logs and embarrassing Fruedian slips that didn't happen, no, Rose, you don't have undercover mother-lust.

And she is here.

You've never even seen her picture, but you know. You know far beneath the skin, something deeper than blood or bone or anything else seething something above that spiritual core. You know on a fucked kind of metaphysical. It's self-evident. It cannot help but make itself true.

Uh.

Shit.

Shit dude fucking say something. She’s just standing there, and the downward curvature of those lips is about to break out of the spatial plane and into some hyper paranoid fourth dimension. You guess she has a right to be weary. Your gangly ass is seated firmly in her territory.

#homestuck #dave strider #bro strider #rose lalonde #mom lalonde #decided i should probably fulfill the whole 'occasionally write things' part of my blog that has kinda been neglected since like 2017 or so #and this has just been sitting abandoned in a google docs since like early 2019 or so but i like it enough that i figured fuck it why not #so here you go #my requisite one writing thing that i post a year #it will probably never be finished #enjoy i guess?

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ace-take-the-prndl · 7 years

Text

@emeracco

you asked for it

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say?

I’m not suprised

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?

Nothing because I haven’t kissed anybody ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?

If it was weed I probably wouldn’t care but any other kind yeah..

4. Is your last name longer than six letters?

Nope

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?

Still never kissed anybody

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?

No?

7. What does your last received text say?

lol

8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?

09. Where was your last kiss at?

nowhere

10. When is the last time you saw your sister?

I saw my oldest sister like 2 days ago, I can’t remember the last time I saw my other sister. She doesn’t hang out with us anymore

11. What do you drink in the morning?

Some nice cool and refreshing H2O. Stay healthy kids.

12. Where did you sleep last night?

My bed?

13. Do you think relationships are hard?

I answered this one already

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?

Nah that’s too much work. and I wouldn’t fuck with the past

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?

Yeah that I’m alone

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?

Answered this already too

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?

omfg a lot of people. My middle name is unoriginal for a middle name

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?

like pajama shorts

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?

God I hope so

20. Does anyone like you?

idk if they do they better tell me because I’m clueless af

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?

22. Is the last person you kissed gay?

Still haven’t kisses anyone

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?

there’s a lot of people I CANNOT stand tbh

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?

Yes! I want a bunch tbh

25. In the past week have you cried?

Probably I don’t even pay attention to when I cry. I’m an emotional person okay.

26. What breed was the last dog you saw?

Mixed breed

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?

Both?

28. Have you ever kissed a football player?

Nope

29. Do you think you’re old?

Hell no I’m still young

30. Do you like text messaging?

Yeah its quicker and easier sometimes

31. What type of day are you having?

A chill one

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?

I actually just got my nose pierced a few weeks ago! I’ve wanted it for the longest time, both my sisters and mom have theirs done.

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?

COLD. I hate the heat so much, I get hot easily and then I get sick. Warm weather, gross.

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?

eh not really

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?

A relationship. I’ve never been in one and I want something meaning full in my life and not just a fling

36. Are you a simple or complicated person?

I can be both

37. What song are you listening to?

Also answered this already

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?

Of course 39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?

Yeah I’m sure my friends do, I don’t keep things from them even about myself if I did it’s because I forgot to tell them or something 40. What made you start liking the person you like now?

???? 41. When did you last receive a text message?

Today 42. What is wrong with you right now?

You got me buddy 43. How well do you know the last female you texted?

I’d say pretty well 44. Does anyone disgust you?

Yes. 45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?

Depends I guess 46. Are you in a good mood right now?

Yee 47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?

idk my dad? 48. What color shirt are you wearing?

Like a really dark blue 49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?

No I’m an opened person and I’m always ready to listen to someone even if they’re telling me I’m a shit person I’m like thank you and now I’ll go change myself so I’ll be less of a shit person and don’t cause people trouble or pain 50. Anyone you’re giving up on?

None that I care for 51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?

No, I’ve never fell hard for someone

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?

Nope. I know when I need to walk away to better my health I won’t let someone hold me back. 53. Do you like rain?

answered already 54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?

Nah. Just as long as they’re not an alcoholic I’m cool with it 55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?

Yeah. Story of my life tbh. 56. Do you like to cuddle?

YES 57. Are you shy?

eh not it depends on the situation like around adults I can be meh… But grouping outings and stuff I’m pretty out and about 58. Do you get along with girls?

yeah 59. Have you dated the person you texted last?

no 60. What do you carry with you at all times?

Money. Hand sanitizer. Chapstick. Basic shit. 61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?

For 1 million dollars yeah, I’d fight a ghost for 1 million dollars 62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?

yeah 63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?

sadly no 64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?

YES 65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?

I left my sister’s house and my sister texted me a minute later saying how my nephew asked were I was at and she told him I left and he goes “but i didn’t get to say bye..” I thought it was cute. Usually they hate me lmao

66. How old are the last three people you kissed?

never been kissed

67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself?

My nails are shit I’d rather pay. I only ever got them done twice in my lifetime so far. 68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?

Leopard print 69. Do you have any stickers on your car?

I don’t have car… 70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?

LUKE BRYAN. I actually really love Luke Bryan don’t hate me 71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone?

Well my first smart phone was and Anroid so I’m going with that 72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut?

God I can’t even remember I hope it’s soon I could go for some PIzza Hut 73. Do you like diet soda?

Ehh.. Yeah I don’t drink a lot of pop to begin with though. Like I hate pop. But I LOVE root beer 74. What color are the walls in your room?

White 75. Are you 16 or older?

I am 76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?

No but I’ve heard of it 77. Do you have a job?

No… I need to get one. I gotta worry about school so putting a job on top of that would suck. and I have no way of transportation so.. 78. What are your initials?

JH 79. Did you ever have braces?

I actually got denied braces a couple days ago which pisses me off because I need braces, my teeth are shit 80. Are you from the south?

I don’t think? I’m horrible with stuff don’t ask me this.

81. What does your last status on facebook say?

It’s just a video I reblogged, I don’t post much on facebook 82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?

there’s a lot of kissing questions isn’t there? 83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad?

I don’t like to choose though I feel more comfortable joking with my mom on some stuff. It can be a little awkward with my dad because I’m like his little girl and idk.. Sometimes it’s like or this is fine and sometimes I’m like why. It’s nothing ever addressed towards me or anything no, it’s just things you’d like tell a friend and have a laugh about you know? But also my dad does do a lot for me. So I’m close to both of them.

84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics?

Hell no 85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?

Kong: Skull Island 86. Do you smoke?

No I’d literally die. Asthma my guy, I ain’t taking any chances. 87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops?

Heels. I can’t walk in heels which I REALLY WISH I COULD. But I hate feet and flip flops is basically just showing you people’s feet and I just want to gag 88. Is your phone touch screen?

Yep 89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly?

Straight 90. Have you ever snuck out of your house?

No, I’m a good noodle 91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool?

I’ve only ever swam in a pool it’d be fun to swim in a river or lake. But then large body water phobia might kick in

92. Have you ever made out in a car?

No :/ 93. …Had sex in a car?

….. No 94. Are you single or in a relationship?

Single 95. What were you doing last night at midnight?

Probably watching videos on youtube 96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks?

July 4th :P 97. Do you like the camera on your phone?

Fuck no it’s a piece of shit 98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits?

No. 99. Have you ever passed out from drinking?

Lmao no 100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate?

No I ain’t no fake bitch if I hate you why would I add you on facebook 101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?

No 102. Name your favorite Kesha song:

Probably Cannibal I don’t know why but I listened to that one a lot back in 2010 103. Do you have any tan lines right now?

No I can’t tan for the life of me. I got 2 shades Larry the Lobster and Casper the Friendly Ghost 104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts?

I don’t think I’d ever wear cowboy boots lmao. I’ve worn boots with shorts before they just weren’t cowboy boots

#and finished #now nobody send in any numbers #i literally just answered them all #told you not to test me what #it took me like what a hour i'm tired now #replies #the ghost talks

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serahne · 8 years

Note

🔥komahina and/or danganronpa girls

*Look at all my WIP analysis about Komaeda and Hinata and laugh nervously*

Let’s start with the DR girls, shall we ? No spoilers for the new game, even if you can easily draw your own conclusions since I think it pretty much follows this trend.

I don’t think it will surprise anyone, but I’m tired. I’m not going to lie, I was so enthusiastic about the female characters in Dr1. I think my first post about Dr is how amazing Kyoko is as a character. I love how the game tackles the issues of genders and expectations ( Sakura considered as a ‘monster’ because of her appearance when she is the sweetest person in the world, Aoi the airhead who becomes such amazing and sensible character in chapter 4, Celes who plays the victims but turns out to be a cold blooded murderer, Sayaka who has ‘love interest’ stickers plastered all round her and ends up by betraying our hero, and of course, Junko and Mukuro ). It wasn’t perfect, of course it wasn’t, but the sole fact that the game plays with our expectations was amazing.

After Dr1, the game decided that it didn’t care by embracing every sexist clichés it could get its hands on, and it tires me. I love Sdr2, okay, I love it, but I can love it and realize that female characters are treated like shit. It’s not so much that they are bad characters, but they are mostly brushed aside, they are just there, barely developped if you don’t go for their FTE. I miss Kyoko’s cleverness, I miss Celes’ ruthlessness, I miss Sakura’s strenght, I miss Aoi’s sensibility, I even miss Sayaka’s false perfection. I miss how the writing was just as good for the girls as it was for the boys.

Sdr2 sees a muliplication of shallow love stories, distateful fanservice scenes, girl’s storylines revolving around a boy’s one. There is a cruel lack of agenda for the girls in Sdr2 and you can even see that in the murders where they never take the initiative.

Dr3 is even worse by putting every ( main ) girls in two categories : the pure, nice girl who dies for the sake of a boy’s developement like Chisa, Nanami or Kyoko, and the evil women who do Bad Things like Junko and Ruruka who needs to end up alone, killed in atrocious way. Beyond that, women are shown as being dependant on men ( Chisa’s main motivation is Munataka, Nanami’s role for three episodes is to sigh Hinata’s name while making a sad face, Kyoko sacrifices herself because Naegi is the most important thing for her, Ruruka cannot survive after killing her boyfriend and she hates herself so much that she kills herself in the most horrifying way. ). Yeah, I’m salty.

Now that I’m done with bitching about whatever I wanted to bitch , let’s go for the Komahina part, and I’m honestly not sure what to say about them, haha. I can talk about them in chapter 1, maybe, because it’s a funny relationship these two have and it’s never discussed that much ( I can understand it ) besides the ‘well, Komaeda seems normal at that point and him and Hinata are friends’ which is… innacurate, in my books.

The relationship they have in chapter 1 is funny because it’s mutually parasistic and yes, I’m going to explain. On the right we have Hinata, who is trying so hard to feel adequate in a very weird situation and while probably still having this gnawing feeling that he isn’t in his place with everyone else ( probably strenghtened by the fact that he can’t remember his talent ) and is kinda acting like a jerk toward everyone to reassure himself. On the left we have Komaeda who is only too happy to be of help to a Hinata, who has probably such extraordinary talent ( and isn’t he curious about what it is ? ) who actually needs his help while not showing any interest in an emotional bond.

I wouldn’t say this bond is unhealthy, and it’s functionnal and it definitely pushes them into the role they carefully crafted for themselve. It’s beautiful, in a way, and I really enjoy it, even though it’s doomed to not last, because, surprise, surprise, Komaeda is actually not there to help Hinata lying to himself. He is going to punch you with the truth, Hinata,

Which is also the ‘shock’ Hinata has during the trial. I don’t think we can equate his feelings to Naegi’s feelings when faced with Maizono’s betrayal. Naegi and Maizono had formed an emotional bond in a few days, helped by the fact that they knew each others in Middle school, by Naegi’s crush on Maizono and… yeah, Naegi being a good boy who thinks the best of people, haha. I think Komaeda’s betrayal is a lot more personal for Hinata and is basically him pushing Hinata’s face in the truth, saying ‘ah, you thought I was going to be your nice assistant for the whole game, believing that people can do no wrong and taking generally the backseat to let you shine since you deserve it so much ? Hope again, looser’.

Okay, that’s an exageration, but you get my point. And it also explains why Naegi forgives Sayaka so easily while Hinata spends the whole game trying to avoid Komaeda because if there is one think Hinata doesn’t want, it’s to face the truth.

#danganronpa #sdr2 #komahina #hajime hinata #nagito komaeda #answer #It ran for way too long I'm so sorry

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quirkypandah · 8 years

Text

Fuck you guys, I wanna do these xD

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say?

“Good morning, darling” <3 (last person I texted is Brandan, so I would love this xD)

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?

Dating still hooooray

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?

He smokes pot. I’m not super happy about it but meh xP

4. Is your last name longer than six letters?

Yas

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?

DRUNK ON LOVE it was sober. And sad. I was crying. xD

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?

Probably but I’m happy with what I have now yay

7. What does your last received text say?

“My nose stopped running xD”

8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?

Not enough

9. Where was your last kiss at?

Dayton, Ohio outside my hotel. I was crying because we had to say goodbye, and has he drove away, a man staying at the hotel called out to me, “He loves you,” and it made me feel better

10. When is the last time you saw your sister?

Sunday, I’ll see her tomorrow

11. What do you drink in the morning?

Water and lately orange juice

12. Where did you sleep last night?

My bed

13. Do you think relationships are hard?

It’s difficult to get two people to be willing to be within close proximity of one another so yes

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?

Yes, I wouldn’t fuck up my grades last semester so much

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?

HELL NAH.

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?

I like both :) but probably sunny. Dancing in the rain is fun too

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?

My sister

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?

PJ Pants, it’s midnight, why would I wear jeans at midnight

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?

Hopefully, I’ve had the same person in my heart for over a year and a half now

20. Does anyone like you?

I hope he does. xD

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?

Nope, just a name that starts with B

22. Is the last person you kissed gay?

God, I hope not, otherwise we have a problem xD

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?

Probably

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?

Yes

25. In the past week have you cried?

Surprisingly no. I haven’t cried in a long time, actually. I’m really happy now that I realized that, life has been awesome lately

26. What breed was the last dog you saw?

Uhhhhhhh Idunno, something someone was walking this morning

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?

Pfft out of the shower

28. Have you ever kissed a football player?

I’ve kissed a used-to-be soccer player

29. Do you think you’re old?

Nah

30. Do you like text messaging?

Yas

31. What type of day are you having?

Tiring & stressed but pretty good one :)

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?

Heck nah

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?

Depends on my mood

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?

Multiple. Brandan means the most though xD

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?

Relationship all the way. I’m too emotional of a person for a fling, prior to Brandan, I would’ve wanted any fling I’d have to become a relationship

36. Are you a simple or complicated person?

I try to be a simple person, but I’m probably pretty complicated

37. What song are you listening to?

None right now, sorry

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?

Usually

39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?

Uhhhhh I don’t think so. I’ve gotten better about opening up, but I’m still a relatively private person

40. What made you start liking the person you like now?

When I think about it, I have no idea. Probably his personality & sense of humor that came through over text

41. When did you last receive a text message?

11:05PM (it is currently 12:06AM)

42. What is wrong with you right now?

Probably have a sinus infection. Thirsty. Really tired. Stressed. Nasty zit on my chin.

43. How well do you know the last female you texted?

Uhhhh I think it was my cousin, and I’d like to think pretty well

44. Does anyone disgust you?

Probably

45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?

QUICK, BRANDAN ASK ME

46. Are you in a good mood right now?

Yes

47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?

The cashier at Culver’s

48. What color shirt are you wearing?

periwinkle

49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?

Probably

50. Anyone you’re giving up on?

I really don’t give up on people

51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?

No, I love him right now xD

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?

All the time

53. Do you like rain?

YES <3

54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?

No, he’s an adult xD

55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?

Yup

56. Do you like to cuddle?

YES

57. Are you shy?

Depends

58. Do you get along with girls?

Yes

59. Have you dated the person you texted last?

Yes and still am

60. What do you carry with you at all times?

Self, clothes, phone, headphones, a book, my wallet

61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm I don’t know. If I kept telling myself “pay for med school pay for med school” then I think I could tough it out

62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?

Considering I was in one for a year, yes

63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?

This past October? Technically no

64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?

YES PLEASE

65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?

Probably

66. How old are the last three people you kissed?

27, 27, and 27

67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself?

Depends. I’m cheap, so I’d rather do them myself

68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?

NEITHER.

69. Do you have any stickers on your car?

I have a magnet for my martial arts school

70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?

Luke Bryan

71. Blackberry, Android, or iPhone?

ANDROID, BITCH

72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut?

Uhhhhh Christmastime

73. Do you like diet soda?

Sure

74. What color are the walls in your room?

White

75. Are you 16 or older?

Yas

76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?

Want to

77. Do you have a job?

Part-time

78. What are your initials?

79. Did you ever have braces?

Currently have them

80. Are you from the south?

Nah

81. What does your last status on facebook say?

Sharing an article about the US Government letting hunters shoot baby bears & wolves on federal refuges

82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?

Yes <3

83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad?

Used to be dad, now it’s mom

84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics?

Nah

85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?

FANTASTIC BEASTS <3

86. Do you smoke? Hell nah

87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops?

Heels, fuck flip flops

88. Is your phone touch screen?

Yes

89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly?

I let it do what it wants. Except my bangs

90. Have you ever snuck out of your house?

Nope

91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool?

Uhhhh

92. Have you ever made out in a car?

Yes

93. …Had sex in a car?

(yes)

94. Are you single or in a relationship?

In a relationship

95. What were you doing last night at midnight?

Sleeping, pfft I had an exam today

96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks?

4th of July or new year’s

97. Do you like the camera on your phone?

Sure

98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits?

Uhhhh?

99. Have you ever passed out from drinking?

pfft nah, I ain’t a little bitch

100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate?

Yes lol

101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?

Don’t think so

102. Name your favorite Kesha song:

Tik Tok. It’s a classic

103. Do you have any tan lines right now?

Probs not

104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts?

Only with a flannel top that I’d tie to show off my amazing tummy and a cowboy hat

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disasterdessi · 8 years

Note

1-104 please

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say? Hi babe 💕2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?We are in a relationship3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?Depends what drugs, I'm okay with them smoking weed but that's pretty much it4. Is your last name longer than six letters?No its 6 letters5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?Sober6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?Yeah it sucked7. What does your last received text say?"Noooo" from my boyfriend 8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?I can't count9. Where was your last kiss at?Boyfriends car 10. When is the last time you saw your sister?Don't have one11. What do you drink in the morning?Coffee12. Where did you sleep last night?My bed13. Do you think relationships are hard?Yes but they are worth it if it's the right person14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?Probably break up with my ex sooner than dragging it out as long as I did15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?None except maybe claustrophobic for both of us16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?Rainy17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?A lot it's common18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?Pajamas19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?Hopefully 💕💙💚20. Does anyone like you?Not to sound conceited but a lot of guys have told me they like me recently, but I really only care about my boyfriend and I sure hope he likes me21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?Nope, well actually maybe? My childhood friend Steven and I might have kissed one time but the memory is foggy and it was innocent if anything 22. Is the last person you kissed gay?I fucking hope not, he's my boyfriend23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?Yes! Ugh24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?Yes a lot of them25. In the past week have you cried?Yeah26. What breed was the last dog you saw? Abbie my dog is a golden retriever mix27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?Both?28. Have you ever kissed a football player?Yes, 2 of my exs played football29. Do you think you’re old?Ehhhh30. Do you like text messaging?Yes but I like phone calls more31. What type of day are you having?An okay one I guess32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?I have my nose pierced on both sides XD33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?Medium34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?Yes my boyfriend and my best buddy's mikey and peachy35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?Relationship 💯36. Are you a simple or complicated person?Complicated af37. What song are you listening to?Here to mars-coheed and cambria 38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?Yes always do39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?There are 3 and they are some really close friends 40. What made you start liking the person you like now?Well I was always really attracted to him, but I love his personality and the fact that he gives me a lot of attention and wants to make me happy41. When did you last receive a text message?Ummm maybe 10 min ago42. What is wrong with you right now?Oh there's a list......but it's personal, I view a lot of things wrong with me43. How well do you know the last female you texted?Really fucking well, she's my ride or die bitch44. Does anyone disgust you?Jon45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?Only my boyfriend 💙💚46. Are you in a good mood right now?Yes 💙47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?Lisa my roommate 48. What color shirt are you wearing?Orange?49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?Yeah I mean but that happens a lot50. Anyone you’re giving up on?Yeah , my ex, gave up a bit ago51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?Hmmm no I love him?52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?Yeah until I finally had enough of emotional abuse53. Do you like rain?Yes I love it and I love being kissed in the rain at Disneyland 54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?Not really? I just will watch him more next time55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?Yeah56. Do you like to cuddle?I LOVE to cuddle I demand cuddles57. Are you shy?Depends58. Do you get along with girls?Sometimes59. Have you dated the person you texted last?I am dating him60. What do you carry with you at all times?Deodorant, keys, wallet, phone, phone charger 61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?No fucking way62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?I've only ever been in relationships that lasted longer than that so I would be fine63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?Yeah64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?I love them and yes so cute65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?Tons of cute things66. How old are the last three people you kissed?Eddie, I believe was 22? Austin,23. And cody is 20.67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself? I can do them myself but I like being pampered so pay lol68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print? ZEBRA !!!69. Do you have any stickers on your car? A couple and I hate them, they are from my mom70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne? Ummmm neither71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone? I've had all, I like my iPhone72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut? A couple months ago73. Do you like diet soda? Ehhhhh74. What color are the walls in your room? White but lots of posters75. Are you 16 or older? I am 22!!!76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars? Yes love that show secretly77. Do you have a job? Yes I'm a barista78. What are your initials? DKK79. Did you ever have braces? Yes80. Are you from the south? South cali lol81. What does your last status on facebook say? It's about new year and sappy bullshit lol I'm sappy82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed? No actually, I don't, sadly we lost touch. It's whatever tho.83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad? Dad I would say, tho he's not biological84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics? I tried to be a cheerleader once , not my thing85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters? Rogue one!!!86. Do you smoke? Used to, don't anymore87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops? Heels!!!!88. Is your phone touch screen? Yes89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly? Straight 90. Have you ever snuck out of your house? Nope91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool? Pool92. Have you ever made out in a car? I've fucked in a car quite a bit now lol 😘😜👌93. …Had sex in a car? See above lol94. Are you single or in a relationship? In a happy relationship 95. What were you doing last night at midnight? Ummm cuddling cody96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks? I don't remember97. Do you like the camera on your phone? Yeah I guess98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits? Yeah, didn't last long99. Have you ever passed out from drinking? I think so100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate? Yes, I keep tabs on people.101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare? Yeah but not now thanks to IUD102. Name your favorite Kesha song: Ummmm I like a lot of her songs actually103. Do you have any tan lines right now? Nope I'm pale af104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts? I have before

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