#he never acts like he's interested in Sarah when she's not present

[ic-napology]

Labyrinth rant because I love it and need to vent it out

So Jim Henson's Labyrinth is my new fixation.

I kinda wish it was one of my childhood movies, I'm sure I would have loved it just like I loved The Neverending Story, but I'm also happy I discovered it now that I can decode the subtext in it.

It speaks a lot to me. I still am very keen on escaping from reality through fantasy as a coping mechanism, just like Sarah. I can't help but see her adventure not as real, but as a dream become physical. For me, what we see is just a manifestation of an internal struggle. That means her own mind is giving herself the chance to understand a lesson. She's actually fighting not to let her own tendency to escapism dominate her this much anymore, at least not to the point of discarding serious responsabilities. That's why Jareth, who embodies that, is a selfish, bullying tyrant and the Labyrinth is in decay. Reminds me of Scar's reign lol

I think it makes sense that Jareth embodies both her love for fantasy since childhood and the ghost of sexuality. Both (would) inspire her the utmost pleasure, just since two different points of her life.

I love Jareth's and Sarah's dynamic, in that sense. I love her struggle against the temptations he represents. I love how perfectly tempting he is. Yet I'm so satisfied by her final decision to let him down. About her love for fantasy, she's too mature. About sexuality, she's still too young. Both things need to be limited.

I also love how the conclusion isn't about getting rid of some part of you in order to grow up, but to balance all you parts. Your seek of happiness and pleasure and what it inspires it don't need to be erased, just not weight too much. It implies that you don't have to have shame and get rid of anything, every part of you is inherently good just because it helps to build you. It's up to you to balance the components.

It's reassuring and empowering.

[thecameronchronicles]

The Second Husband

TW: Trophy!Husband JJ. Dom!Reader. Dom!JJ. Smut. Language. Slight angst. 

SUMMARY: You attend Midsummers with JJ, which leaves you marking your territory with your new husband. 

WORD COUNT: 2000

REQUESTED

*

Trophy husband!JJ never crossed my mind until now and it’s all I can think about !!!! Please please Can you wrote something for it 🫶🏽🤍

--

This is just a thought but you don’t have to write it if you don’t want to 🤍 I can picture reader being a 2-3 years older than him and either her family has money or her first husband left money to her and then she remarries JJ and maybe they go to midsummers together and she feels like every woman there is flirting with him and gets jealous 

*

The Second Husband

"Still not too late to just spend the day in bed…" JJ teased as he nestled himself into your neck. As his ringed fingers climbed up the slit of your dress, you were tempted to allow that very thing. The words to your driver on the very tip of your tongue as you were eager for him to make good on his promises made as you saw you dressing two hours prior. 

"You're gonna be shaking by the time I'm done with you baby.", "My fingerprints will be left on every single inch." "If you insist on keeping that dress on, I'm gonna keep insisting on taking it off."

"Mrs. Maybank?" Your fluttered lids shot open to the sound of the driver clearing his throat when spotting you in the rearview. 

"Come on, princess, we could have those panties soaked in less than a minute." He whispered in your ear, fingers teasing the fringe of said undergarments as you presented a soft hand to his cheek. 

"I don't like it when it's quick." He glared as if you'd insulted him, "I never get to get on my knees for you that way-" As you tried to leave, he took your arm and then your jaw. Passionate grasps both dominant and cautious as he pressed a soft kiss to your lips. 

"Then you promise?"

"I vow." You winked as he followed behind you. 

"Really should have put that in your vows, you know. "Will give you a blowjob every morning," You blushed as you fixed his tie.

 "Could have fit right in there between the rings and "I do"." You rolled your eyes before hearing Sarah chuckle emerging from behind JJ. His height blocking her as you gave a hug and traveled in together. 

"Hope you didn't pay much for that dress, princess…it's gonna be confetti by the time I'm done with it." He whispered into your ear as you entered the Island Inn, familiar faces not offering the responses you'd imagined. 

You were prepared for any sour comment directed your way in regards to your marriage to JJ. Rumors making your love sound bitter and rushed to the ears of those more interested in the drama than the truth. Because of this, you wrapped your grip tighter between your already interlaced fingers as you were introduced. 

"I never get tired of hearing you wear my name…" He explained while kissing your cheek as you illuminated to the shared feeling. It may not be one of grand reputation such as The Cameron's or The Carrera's, but you have made something beautiful beneath it now. 

"How long do we have to stay?" He asked, leaning on the bar as you and Sarah chuckled. 

"We just got here,"

He flexed a brow. "And I have more important things…" He pulled at your dress as Sarah raised her brows and acted nonchalant over the rim of her champagne. 

"Well you promised me a dance when we picked out the dresses…so I'm stealing you now." You were taken to the floor with Sarah as JJ and John B watched from the sidelines. Both lovestruck men in awe of their girls. Every sway of your hips caught by his soft blue eyes. A teasing finger to his chest asking you if those moves were intended for him, making you laugh before you focused back on Sarah as Wheezie joined the dance. 

It wasn't longer than five minutes before you noticed the shift around the bar. For a moment you were certain that it must have been Topper or Rafe as they were known to amass such a clique. But with John B on the side, annoyed by the sudden swarm, you realized your poor husband was being bombarded. 

"Ahem!" You offered as the group parted like the Red Sea allowing you through. 

"Dance with me?" He nodded nervously before you swayed upon the floor. 

"I'm sorry about them. Don't listen to what they said…they are ignorant and don't know what they are talking about…"

But to this he only offered a weak chuckle. 

"What?" 

"Actually, they were uh…unexpected…nice… " To this confession, you watched his eyes collecting to a former friend of yours from your first marriage as she waved flirtatiously to JJ and rolled her eyes at you. 

"What exactly did they say to you?" 

"Nothing…" His eyes evaded yours, a symbol of his lies. 

"If you want any chance of me getting on my knees or your cock being anywhere inside of me, you're gonna tell me." He blushed and confessed immediately. 

"They said if I ever got…bored…that they would show me what I deserve…" You scoffed, your steps stilled, as he pulled you back into him. 

"Sweetheart, I only want you…I swear to-" But you pushed yourself out of his arms. 

When you returned, you found him with Sarah and John B, discussing how he never should have come. He regretted it and vowed it would be a last for him. But as you took his side again, you slipped something into his pocket. 

It took him only a moment before he recognized the lace and satin combination. 

"Just a little reminder of what you're risking if you take them up on their offers." He went to talk to you before you moved across the floor to talk to acquaintances. Purposely torturing him with your distance. To add insult to injury, you struck up conversation with Rafe, complimenting the way he filled out his suit, all ensuring JJ was watching you. The harmless flirtatious were not unnoticed as you sat down to dinner. 

"Those panties were pretty wet, sweetheart…"

"You should feel my thighs right now…" You responded as he smirked before you were joined by the very girl who was shameless with him before. Pleasant enough conversation was made until it turned south. 

"Oh My gosh, do you remember when you came here with Theo? You brought every guy here…remember? I just hope you two last…you know? Maybe…eighth times a charm?" 

You began to run your fingers along JJ's neck as he was bewitched by such tracings. His hand on your knee beneath the table and clawing softly at your dress. 

"JJ? Baby?" You began to clear your throat. 

"You okay, sweetheart?" He asked. 

"There's something wrong with my throat."

"Oh?" He reached for his drink to offer as you rejected him. 

"It needs your cock in it…" Her face paled as Sarah's mouth widened with pride and JJ was helpless as you directed him from the table. 

"Baby-" He spoke towards you as you drug him through the Island Inn and into the first door, a supply closet. You silenced him with a kiss. 

"Oh my God…"

"JJ…take off my dress..I can't get on my knees in it…" But as he assisted with the zipper, a beautiful set of formerly unseen lingerie was set for his eyes. His thumb and pointer finger holding your jaw in a grip. 

"You get to have your fun…and then it's my turn…" He threatened as you kissed his neck.

"I want my lipstick all over your cock, baby…I want you to feel it there even after you come down my throat so you remember how good I am at making you come for me…" You lowered slowly, unbuttoning his shirt in the process.

"Fuck…" He groaned as you took him in stride leaving stains of your chosen shade along his shaft. 

"Just like that baby…shit…you always take me so-" His words were interrupted by the lick made between his balls. His body shivering as he grunted. 

"Are you trying to make me come already? Shit, baby, let me enjoy it…"

"I want you to come right now…" You spoke breathlessly, looking up at him with tearful eyes as his mouth fell slack to how you took him. 

"Shit…shit…shit…" He bowed over you, his hand wrapped around the storage shelf at your back as he hit his palm against it. 

"Fuck!" He whimpered when you withdrew from him just for breathe. But he used this as a means to return your gracious favor. 

"You don't make a fucking sound until I tell you to." He bent you over a nearby surface, the clutter gathered at your feet as he lowered to you from behind. Your lack of panties making him access you even easier. 

"JJ-" He rose just long enough to present the panties in your mouth. 

"I love you baby…But you need to learn to listen…"

He returns between your ass, a swipe from behind making you gasp. 

"Two more just for making me wait." One on each cheek made you clench your jaw in bearing in until he finally quelled that pulsation between your lower lips. Your fingers wrapped tightly around this old table as you rode against him. The fabric of the panties making it possible to remain more quiet than without, as you called for him. The feeling of his smirk making your eyes roll as he lapped you up between edgings. 

"Please, JJ…fuck!" You groaned, the final plea coming out guttural and angered as he replaced his tongue for two fingers. Both at once. 

"There's my girl…so fucking wet…pussy singing for me…" The sound fit the raw aesthetic you two made in this moment as he continued. 

"Yes, princess…show me you deserve to fucking come after teasing me…making me fucking wait…" 

"Ahh! JJ!" 

He tore the panties from your mouth. 

"I should get to hear you when you scream my name, don't you think?" You nodded. 

"Then fucking scream it!" He used the middle finger on his other hand to torture your clit as this was the final straw. The tension in your lower stomach wrapped in a tight band as you trembled for him. Chasing that high he constantly edged for you. 

"Fuck…JJ…Fuuuuck…"

"He ever fuck you like this? Hmm? Any of the other assholes you brought here bend you over like this in this closet?"

"No!"

"Then I'm gonna be the first. And last." He hiked one of your legs to the table before thrusting inside of you, immediate pacing making you grip to anything you could find for stability. One ended up being the same shelf he had hit prior as another had wrapped around the back of his neck. But the minute you made contact, he gathered your hands behind your back and bent you forward. 

"You don't get to come until I say…"

"I wasn't-"

"I know when my wife is about to fucking come-" He hit your ass as you yelped, a fever pitch between you as you whimpered for him. 

"Please JJ…" 

"Was that so hard, princess? Still begging for me?"

"Always…" He smirked into your shoulder, a playful bite left behind. 

"You're gonna come for me…put that little dress back on…and then we're gonna go home so I can tie you to that fucking headboard with this stupid tie and you'll thank me for it all night..."

"Yes. YES!"

"So give me something to hold me over until then." He gave one final seat to your red cheek as you worked back into him. 

"Yes sweetheart…use this cock baby…it's all fucking yours…"

"JJ…" your whimper reinstated his control as he sent you into a bounce against him. His perfect shaft hitting your most inner caverns before catapulting you to that edge. 

"With me, princess. WITH me or I'm the only one who gets to come next time…" You waited until his thrusts drew sloppy and his breath was reckless before you relaxed. Settling for the rush that he strengthened by his violent thrusts. 

"Don't touch s fucking thing…" He reminded as you attempted to fix your hair. 

"I can't look like-"

"What? You were just fucked? It's only a walk of shame if you're ashamed…Now let me see that ass proud to be mine, sweetheart." He smacked you as he reapplied the buckle to his belt in place and led you to the car, making good on his promises. Even if he couldn't wait until you got home…

Taglist: @hopebaker @drewspisces @penny4yourthoughts @magnificantmermaid @pickingviolets @lovedetlost @trikigirl271 @maybankslover @slut4tangerine @slvtherinseeker @obxiskewl @bluesongbird @slut-era @ailee-celeste @camilynn @sweetestdesire @onmykneesforrafe @jjmaybanksangel@phildunphyisadilf @mashdan0916 @pankhoeforlife @pankowperfection

MASTERLIST

JJ MAYBANK MASTERLIST

JJ MAYBANK 2ND MASTERLIST

JJ MAYBANK AND KOOK READER MASTERLIST

MARCH MADNESS MASTERLIST

[keyh0use]

only Barry and Rafe don't know they're dating

Pairing: Rafe x Barry

Swearing, brief jealousy, gross fluff.

This is really just an outline for a 2 chapter fic I haven't gotten around to properly writing yet. Enjoy!

Chapter 1, Part 1

♡ Barry and Rafe have been sorta friends since the first time they met. Back then, freshly eighteen, the kook was just starting to get heavy into coke. Having a cute dealer definitely contributed to how fast he gave in to the temptation.

♡ It becomes like Barry's third job to care for the boy, keeping track of how much shit he's putting in his system and stealing Rafe's bike keys when he's too fucked.

♡ Days after the first time Rafe clocked out on the porch couch from too much expensive cocktails over brunch with Topper and coke with Barry, the boy starts continuously running back to the trailer at the end of the day instead of Tanneyhill.

♡ They share a bed and every stupid secret they overhear. Everyone knows if you tell Rafe something, Barry will know about it too, and vice versa.

♡ Everyone can see how sickeningly into each other they are, affectionately poking fun at how inseparable and domestic they've become.

♡ Rafe starts picking up around the house when the man is at work or out doing a drop, disposing of empty beer bottles and old take-out containers.

♡ Since (non-explicitly) moving to the cut, Sarah conveniently finds her way to the trailer every damn time her brother is gone, trying to convince Barry to ask dumbass Rafe out. "If you don't, it's never going to happen! Don't you want a sister like me?"

♡ Wheezie feels left out being the only one stuck in Tanneyhill, making excuses to Rose about meeting with friends in order to bike all the way to the south side.

♡ The youngest Cameron sibling doesn't actually know where The Chateau or wherever the heck Rafe lives. So she pulls up alongside a fruit stand and asks for directions.

♡ Rafe, as expected, loses his fucking mind when there's a knock on the trailer door and he opens it to his thirteen year old baby sister, all on her own. But Barry is chill, hides the drugs with smooth ease and invites her in, telling the boy to calm the hell down.

♡ It turns out Wheezie and Barry have a lot of common interests, most of which she was never allowed to act on. Barry loves fishing and Wheezie wants to wade in the shallows to see tiny fishies, but that's deemed unladylike by her father.

♡ They both love action and psychological thriller movies, much to Rafe's bemusement, the kook only ever wanting to watch slasher films.

♡ "I wanna watch Texas Chainsaw Massacre...again," Rafe told the man. "Of course you fuckin' do," mumbled Barry, searching through the list for it.

♡ Meeting the parents is the last thing Barry ever thought he'd be doing, especially for someone he's not even dating. Yet here he is, pulling up alongside the manicured lawn of Tanneyhill with a present tucked safely underarm, neatly wrapped after watching four tutorials.

♡ "You came!" Wheezie exclaimed, hugging the older man around his waist.

♡ Barry had borrowed dress pants from his coworker, tucked his funeral shirt into it and ran a comb through his wet curls. Looking around at all the well-dressed guests he feels like he made a grave mistake coming, even as the little girl beams up at him.

♡ But then there's Rafe: pretty, perfect Rafe with his styled hair and wearing a suit tailored to fit him just right, nothing out of place. And he looks so happy when he spots Barry, instantly excusing himself from conversation to jog over.

♡ Rafe's hands grab for Barry's face as his instinctively latch onto the boy's waist, kook telling him with a sly grin how good he looks and suddenly his self-doubt slips away

♡ Barry catches sight of Sarah in the near distance watching the display of public affection. She mouths nut up to him, the very same words said to the girl when Barry taught her to gut a fish and she got blood on her fingers and wouldn't stop whispering ew, ew ,ew.

♡ Why should he, though? Nut up, that is. What the two of them have together right now is nice, admitting feelings might complicate it or ruin it altogether.

♡ Only fifteen minutes pass before Ward has found them, introducing himself and his wife to Barry like the woman can't speak for herself.

♡ Ward is shockingly nice to Barry, shakes his hand and starts conversation about an old car he wants looked at, something the dealer is well versed in. Which obviously the Cameron patriarch knows, making Barry spend the rest of the evening wondering how much Rafe talks about him.

♡ Other than in passing with no speaking, this is the first time Barry meets Rafe's friends too, who keep giving the boy these looks like there's some joke Barry wouldn't understand. It's only mildly aggravating, hard to find much to be pissed over when Rafe is leaning against his side.

♡ Rafe is so appreciative the man attended Wheezie's birthday, he attempts to make a thank you dinner the next evening.

♡ One day Barry gets a panicked call from Wheezie, who speaks almost too fast to follow. Her father is away on a business trip and Rose won't answer, so she hasn't been picked up from her after-school program.

♡ When the beat up truck rolls alongside where Wheezie waits with a teacher, the girl turns and says, "That's my brothers boyfriend!" And no the fuck he isn't, but if Barry doesn't bother correcting the mistake then so fucking what?

♡ Nothing compares to the amount of shit Barry's own circle gives him, though.

♡ Rafe will often stop in the garage or the pawn shop, sit on rickety chairs and watch Barry work, usually with lunch for the two of them waiting to be eaten.

♡ All the guys will take jabs at how clingy Rafe is, but ignore the way Barry's arm goes around his waist the moment they're within reach of one another or the way he draws idle patterns on Rafe's thigh just at the cut-off of those sinful pastel shorts.

♡ "Wish my wife brought me lunch," one would joke. Barry would reach over and brush his oil-stained knuckles against the flush on Rafe's cheek with a golden grin.

♡ Despite the light-hearted jabs, Rafe is always invited to shit. The mechanic shop owner loves when the kook attends because he's good at keeping a couple business type cousins away from everyone else.

♡ "The day your man stops attending these things is the day I stop having them."

♡ Rafe is attractive. Anyone with eyes could fucking see that so it's not odd that Barry stares sometimes. The boy is just so damn pretty it hurts, makes his cock swell up until he's throbbing and suffering in the bathroom trying to think of something besides blue eyes and delicate hands and a snarky attitude.

♡ Barry agrees to go to the country club with Rafe for Kelce's birthday or something, rolling his eyes when the boy threatened to upset his friend by not attending if Barry wouldn't go.

♡ That's when the older man realises other people notice how hot Rafe is, too.

♡ Some bitch mixing drinks watches the boy all night, gives him this little smile anytime he goes over, like she wants to write her number in salt on the counter and hope he gets the hint. Or like she wants Rafe to meet her after shift change.

♡ Something visceral charges in Barry then.

♡ "You gon' stay right the fuck here, got it, country club?" "Got it," Rafe whispers, bottom lip sucked between rows of white teeth.

♡ Barry holds Rafe close all damn night, likely bordering on improper behaviour in such a classy place. But he doesn't give a fuck.

[payattentiontothescreen]

Bridgerton Rewatch S1E2 - Shock and Delight (Part 1)

Hey y'all. I'm back with episode 2 of my Bridgerton rewatch.

Every time a birth scene happens in Bridgerton I am reminded of why I don’t want kids. This one is the worst, I think.

I know Sarah and Lady Danbury are said to be close friends and Lady Danbury is the Queen’s closest confidant, which explains why she was there for those births. I get that. But I have this stupid little headcanon that Lady Danbury was present for the birth of every kid on “their side” after they were given titles and peerage.

Sarah’s last words being “I finally gave him a son” fucking haunts me. It hammers home that, even in her dying breath, she has been living and breathing for her shitty husband. Like, the second she fulfilled her duty, she was wiped from the Earth.

Rege-Jean Page is such an amazing comedic actor. The disdain in his voice when he says “promenade” has me cracking up every time.

Violet is beaming about how she has prepared Daphne for everything married life has to offer. Violet, my girl, you haven’t prepared Daphne for ANYTHING.

More acting praise. Phoebe Deynover and Rege-Jean Page have such easy chemistry. They flow together so well.

If there’s anything this show gets right, it’s shitty siblings. Philippa and Prudence are the archetypical bitchy older sisters.

The Baroness Lady Portia Featherington looked her daughters straight in the eyes and told them that pregnancy is contagious. Hilarious, iconic, I love it.

The whole “birds and bees” plot line in the first season intrigues me. I didn’t know a lot about the show when I watched it the first time other than it being steamy and taking place in an alternate regency era where racism is solved. I wasn’t expecting this close examination of the importance of comprehensive sex education, especially in regard to hard conversations between mothers and daughters.

The scene in the parlor when Eloise comes in and asks how women get pregnant lives rent-free in my brain. I can quote along with it at this point and I feel no shame.

Anthony Slander is back. The way that Anthony treats Daphne is so indicative of how he almost ruins his relationships in the next season. This happens a lot but I am specifically referencing when Daphne (with the signature Bridgerton Sass™) reminds Anthony that Berbrooke never actually proposed to her. Anthony immediately equates that playful jab with disrespect. To him, this ADULT(ish) woman having thoughts about who she is being promised to is disrespectful. He drives me nuts in this season, holy shit.

Quick sidebar, the look on Daphne’s face when Anthony says “Colin’s [danced a couple of times together at a ball] with Penelope Featherington” is so great. It’s almost like she’s putting the pieces together of “oh, they’d actually be really cute together” and I love it.

I love the texture the bare-knuckle boxing scenes give to the show. It doesn’t feel out of place. It all belongs in the show. The scenes with Will/in the ring add depth both to the world and the characters. 

Speaking of Will, I don’t know how much he was in the books, if at all, but he is such a good character. His position in society adds layers to the world, especially with the way his story has been developing.

Something that Shonda Rhimes does really well is quick wit. That is on full display when Anthony gets into the ring with Simon. The dialogue in that scene is so punchy (no pun intended) and shows a lot about how these two characters feel about each other. Also, I think it’s very interesting that the only way Anthony can land a blow on Simon at all is when he distracts him. From what I can tell/remember, that’s the only time Anthony hits Simon.

Minor thing, there was a lot more swearing in season 1 than there was in season 2. That was kind of disappointing.

I’d like to take this time to shout out the casting director. Beyond the main cast (which is fantastic, don’t get me wrong), the kids who play the younger versions of Simon are incredible. They’re all so adorable that it makes all the shit he goes through even harder to watch, which is impressive given we’re watching a child with a neurological disorder be abused by his shitty father.

Penelope is such a complicated character and I love that for her. She does care for the people she loves and is very kind. But she has been abused and neglected for so long that the only way she can think to regain any power is by becoming Lady Whistledown. This isn’t excusing her behavior, she does truly vile things with the power she has. But it makes her so much more than just another sweet wallflower, which is a really flat character on its own.

It would be so funny if the Bridgertons just stopped being surprised when Queen Charlotte invites Violet for tea at some point later in the series.

Again, this will come in 2 parts because I talk to much for Tumblr.

[librosamarillos]

passed down like folk songs

chapter 21: would you pay the price?

Maegor Targaryen x OC

Also on Ao3

chapter index

Tags: hurt/comfort, friends to lovers, angst, mature themes, targaryen incest, violence, Maegor is a red flag himself, characters are ooc probably, MINORS DNI

Alys never had much interest in the lessons Septa Sarah insisted on giving her. Her younger sister Jeyne was the shining star in all her lessons, a perfectionist and loved all the praise the old Septa showered her with. Her youngest sister, Hannah, was not as stellar as Jeyne, but she still tried, especially focusing on her embroidery. Alys never bothered. She preferred to run off and hang around the taverns in her town, loving the attention she received for being the daughter of the town’s leader. Her father made it no secret that he hated this. But, unfortunately for him, he was almost always away, somewhere in town, meetings, other boring shit she didn’t care about. He thought he could rely on Septa Sarah, but she was quite old, Alys could easily trick and escape her clutches. She bribed the guards, and ran off into town to show off her dresses, her hair, anything really to cure her from the suffocating boredom that consumed her in her home.

Her eldest brother, Jon, was her father’s heir, following him around at all times. Her two younger brothers, Dennis and Adam, had the honour of being knighted very young and went off to fight these rebels that were causing such a fuss. Septa Sarah was basically in charge, along with perfect little Jeyne. Her father made it no secret that he did not trust Alys to be responsible, so he left his middle daughter in charge instead. Alys did fight him on that, but she didn’t truly care to be in charge. She cared that Jeyne was the perfect little daughter, and Hannah was happily following in her footsteps. She didn’t get along with her brothers, she barely spent any time with them, so in her home, she truly felt alone. Even when her mother was still alive, she doted on the two younger girls, deeming Alys a chaotic lost cause. So she ran into the town to seek attention, entertainment, hells, even approval from elsewhere.

Her adventures were suddenly cut short, when her father returned from the battle with a brand new title: Lord of Harrenhal. She had seen the castle before, it was huge and spacious, not to mention the massive boost in status. Her father always went on and on about advancing the family, but she never cared too much. She was eight and ten, soon she’d be married off to advance the family. What did men want of their young wives? Beauty and heirs. She possessed great beauty, out of all her sisters and cousins she could say she was the most beautiful. And as the oldest, she was to be married off first. But at least she could enjoy the new giant castle for a while before that came to be.

She was exploring the many rooms, all of which were an absolute mess, only their bedrooms, kitchens and dining hall being presentable and clean. Her father had ordered the maids to clean up as soon as possible, for Prince Maegor was to visit soon. He wasn’t just a Prince, her father stressed, he was also hand of the King, and largely responsible as to why Harrenhal became theirs to begin with. 

Lucas Harroway had sat them all down, his three daughters and three sons. He confided in them something very important, something he made them swear they wouldn’t speak of to anyone else. He spoke to them about the Prince, about how they were indebted to him, and how they needed to be on their best behaviour. When he said that, he was, of course, looking at her. Alys rolled her eyes, but alas, swore she wouldn’t act out, nor speak to anyone of her father’s business with the Prince. 

She was going through a lot of the messy rooms, before the maids could, out of curiosity and boredom, to see if she could find anything of interest that the last lord and his family left behind. Old books, surely Jeyne would love them, but nothing but old clothes remained. How did people even live here with so many old and random things? 

“Alys?” her father’s voice startled her, making her nearly drop the leatherbound book she was inspecting. “Must you always escape your lessons? You know Septa Sarah cannot bother to chase you anymore in her age, some manners would not hurt you, you know?” he asked, but it wasn’t a question. As Alys turned to face him, he seemed irritated beyond belief. It was a bad time to be caught, when his nerves were like this. “What are you doing here?” he demanded.

“I merely wished to explore our new home, father. I was curious to see what the previous people left behind. But it’s all quite dull, I’m afraid. Just some dusty old books only Jeyne would find interest in.” she pouted slightly. She wasn’t sure if it truly was persuasive, or if it just annoyed her father enough to leave her alone. It usually resulted in him sending her off, sending her back to her Septa, but now Lucas just crossed his arms and looked directly at her with an intense look in his eye, one she’d never seen before.

“House Qoherys was given Harrenhal by Aegon the Conqueror himself. And what became of them, just half a generation later?” he asked, but not really her. He began walking closer to her. “Dead, gone forever. Rebels tore them apart.” he stopped right in front of her. “They let their guard down, they were foolish, they didn’t take the threat seriously and now their entire House is dead and gone. How many times must I tell you that you need to behave, not just for your own reputation, but for all of us? How will I get this through that thick head of yours? I need you to go back to your lessons right this instant. I've asked Septa Sarah to teach you some manners, so you don’t embarrass us when the Prince arrives.” he said, not yelling per se, but stern enough to shut her up. There was no room for antics today.

“I understand, I’m sorry father.” she bowed her head and ran off to find the damn Septa and her sisters. She was a woman grown and hated it when her father spoke to her like she was a damn child. He always had this attitude toward her and she didn’t remember a time when he didn’t. She wasn’t sure what came first, her attitude or his, but she supposed it didn’t matter. She wouldn’t have to deal with him for many more years anyway. 

She found her sisters and the Septa in the bare sitting room, Jeyne in her usual books and Hannah with her embroidery. They seemed a bit surprised to see her attend the lesson, Jeyne biting back a clever remark. She huffed and took a seat on the sofa, the one furthest away from everyone.

“Lady Alys, I’m happy to see you here.” the old Septa spoke, clearly trying to use kindness to lure her into paying attention. She didn’t hate the woman, she just found her annoying and boring, much like the rest of her family.

“Father forced you, didn’t he?” Jeyne gave her an amused look, one that held no smiles. Alys scoffed at her younger sister. Boastful of her smarts, oh so eager to make their father proud. He never showed much affection to them all, but it was clear that Jeyne was his favourite. Perhaps she reminded him of their mother. 

“Shut it.” she crossed her arms. “I was only curious and wanted to see what was around before the maids threw everything out. You’ll be pleased to hear that it is mostly old dusty books. Lots of you to busy yourself with.” she spat out sarcastically. Jeyne only shrugged, as the Septa scolded Alys on her language. 

“That curiosity of yours is going to get us all in trouble one day. You best follow father’s word, we have a big guest coming. He wants us to impress. It could help us secure matches in the capitol.” Jeyne scolded, but masked it as a helpful comment.

“Wouldn’t you like that, Alys? You could find a match somewhere more interesting, isn’t that what you wanted?” Hannah asked innocently. Her youngest sister didn’t have it in her to be vicious, unlike Alys and Jeyne. She truly did seem to be positive, but Hannah still annoyed her too. Perhaps because she was Jeyne’s little shadow.

“Yes, Hannah, I’d love to live somewhere more exciting.” she mused. She had the better chance of that happening. She was the prettiest of the three, surely there’d be a lot of lords interested, wouldn’t at least one of them be someone more interesting than her boring family? “There’s a lot of rumours flying around about the Prince. The soldiers told me he’s a brutal man, that he took out most of the rebels on his own. They say he’s an angry, dangerous man, one we should avoid, and yet father wishes to bring him here…” she said, playing with the ends of her hair.

“Lady Alys, it is improper for a young woman to be hanging around soldiers, let alone listen to rumours. Your father is doing what is best for House Harroway.” Septa Sarah scolded with her ancient voice and Alys had to fight to not roll her eyes dramatically.

“How is it a rumour if they were there to witness it?” she challenged the Septa, folding her arms once more. Hannah put down her embroidery hoop, her attention now fully on Alys. Jeyne sighed, as if she were talking to an annoying child. How ironic.

“Battle brings out the worst in men. When he comes to visit, it will not be for battle. He is the hand of the King, so no matter how cruel or mean he is, he’ll leave soon enough and our father will have the King’s favour.” Jeyne explained slowly, in her stupid condescending voice, as if she were explaining it to a dumb child. How Alys wanted to strike her smug expression right off. She scoffed and remained silent for a moment.

“At least the visit will be something interesting. He claimed the biggest dragon alive, I wonder what dragons look like up close, I’ve never seen one.” she mused. “I wonder what it is like to fly. Do you think if I ask nicely, he’ll let me fly?” she was thinking out loud, but Jeyne shoved her with her foot.

“Be serious, and don’t embarrass us.”

Time went by so slowly when there was no town to run to, with all the new guards at every castle gate. Eventually, well, finally, new maids arrived, the castle was cleaned up and organised and the Prince sent word that he would be arriving soon. Alys was actually quite excited, something she hadn’t felt in a long time. This man could be the key that unlocked a potential match that would get her out of there. She’d prefer the Crownlands, or the Westerlands, anywhere but Riverrun or the cold North. 

Her sisters often talked about the boys they thought were handsome in the town, the conversation then turning into what they’d want their husbands to look and act like. Jeyne had a preference to the Dornish look, for some reason. She loved their tanned skin and brown curls and brown eyes. Once, a dornish merchant passed through town with his son, and Jeyne all but made a fool of herself, staring at him all through the day. It was hilarious. Hannah, on the other hand, was a very dreamlike girl. She loved the fairytales, the knights in their shining armours and blond hair. She was painfully shy around men, so unless she grew out of that, Alys knew she wouldn’t be so lucky.

Alys never really cared what her husband would look like. She never really saw boys and men as anything but playthings to entertain herself with. They’d shower her with compliments and praises, as she fluttered her eyelashes at them, but she couldn’t honestly say that any of them caught her eye. She never had any feelings for any of them, no crushes, no dreams, no fantasies, nothing. She never admitted this to anyone, there didn’t need to be another reason for her to feel isolated and alone in her family. She lied and said she wanted a handsome husband, but in truth, she didn’t care if he was an old man on his last days. As long as he had money and left her alone, Alys could be happy. She’d give him a child or two and then enjoy a wealthy life of pretty dresses and gossip. 

She had spent hours last night curling her hair, so then in the morning they came out curled and gorgeous. She got all dolled up, wore her best dress and wore her perfume. Jeyne made a comment about it being way too strong, but what the hell did she know? She always dressed so plainly and did the bare minimum to her hair, who was she to judge Alys for being too pretty? If the Prince was going to help them secure good matches, she wanted to be the first to go. Jeyne, as usual, wore a plain dress, Hannah a more modest dress, more appropriate for her young age. 

Their father had them all lined up outside in the yard, and she was eagerly looking up at the sky, hoping the Prince wouldn’t arrive by horse, so that she’d have a chance to look at a dragon at long last. In a few moments she would do just that. The dragon flew over the castle and it was as if day turned into night and she heard Hannah gasp in horror. Alys stared at the giant beast in awe, as it landed in a clear patch close to the castle. The black dread, that’s what they called him and she understood why completely. It was so huge, she could barely make out the man that climbed down from the saddle, as in comparison, he looked super tiny. 

As he got closer, he wasn’t tiny at all. Alys wasn’t sure exactly what she was expecting the Prince to look like, but he certainly lived up to the rumours she had heard. He was a huge man, towering over everyone, his eyes suspicious and his lips in a permanent frown. She heard that Targaryens had this other worldly look about them, almost ethereal, with their silver hair and purple eyes, but Prince Maegor was none of that. He was eerie, his presence unsettling as he stood in front of her father. His hair was short, his beard trimmed, he looked like a warrior, that was for sure.

“Prince Maegor, thank you for honouring us with your visit. I do hope your journey here was easy.” her father spoke politely, too politely. He was kissing ass, for sure. Prince Maegor seemed to see right through his attempts at flattery, but didn’t address it, only nodding. “Allow me to introduce you to my children. This is my eldest, Jon. Dennis and Adam are the two who fought by your side in battle.” he boasted for his boys, as always. The Prince didn’t seem to care that much, only nodding and sparing them a quick acknowledging glance. But then his eyes landed on Alys. “These are my three girls, Alys, Jeyne and Hannah.” 

Her two sisters curtsied politely, Alys following suit. His eyes were a deep violet, and they were piercing, his gaze harsh and suspicious, but there was a moment when something else flashed in there. She wasn’t sure what it was, perhaps a moment when he appreciated her beauty- she had that effect on men before, but none of them were this creepy. It sent a chill down her spine. The moment was gone as soon as it came, as the Prince handed his bag to a servant and spoke up.

“Thank you for hosting me in your new home. We have much to discuss.” his voice was deep and powerful. It fitted a warrior, a king even. It was a command for her father to hurry and get to business, which he did quickly, leading the giant man inside. 

Alys remained in place for a moment. Her eyes went back to the giant dragon that was visible from where she stood, his giant red eyes meeting hers as he lay down to rest. It was a dangerous look, a look of warning to stay away. She wondered if dragons were intelligent creatures, if they had a mind like people did, or if they were like giant lizards with wings. She couldn’t know for sure, but her eyes remained on Balerion as her thoughts went back to the Prince. She supposed he was quite handsome, in a creepy and unsettling way. She wondered what went on in his mind.

Maegor was relieved to be back in the red keep. Truthfully, he couldn’t call this his home, as his true home was Dragonstone, but it was still a relief. He was well rested after his return from Harrenhal, satisfied with the crushing of the rebels, and went off to meet with Aenys. He had much to discuss with him, the faith being one of them. Tensions were building up and they needed to kill any more rebellions at the root. 

He found Aenys in his solar, in a good mood, something that was rare for him these days. He had been reading a raven scroll, but put it down on the desk when he saw he had arrived, getting up to greet him. 

“Brother, I am glad you’re back! How did you find Harrenhal?” he asked, his voice much more relaxed compared to before. Aenys didn’t seem to be fully aware of what went on in the realm, preferring the safety of the keep, not even venturing into the city. He seemed to believe that since Red Harren was beaten, that things were looking up. They weren’t.

“It was fine. Lucas Harroway is eager to be on the crown’s good side, so granting him the seat was wise. I’ve taken care of the defences, so that any new rebellions will not wipe out the House.” he spoke plainly. Lord Harroway was not terrible company, once he dropped the bullshit that he assumed worked on other lords. Not on the dragons though. Maegor gained another ally, someone who would follow him in his future plans, as he was the reason for his family’s good fortunes. It seemed like a good strategy. Aenys sighed, tilting his head to the side.

“New rebellions? Gods, brother, tell me you’re not implying there’s to be more.” he was only half joking, his smile not faltering much. Maegor wanted to scoff and make a rude comment about how coddled and sheltered Aenys was, despite travelling all over the realm with their father, but he didn’t.

“Do you not feel the tension? The faith, brother, they are just waiting for a reason to explode on us. It’s only a matter of time. But worry not, I’ve been preparing for such a situation. Should they dare to do so, I’ll fly to Oldtown and burn their High Septon myself.” Maegor crossed his arms, leaning onto the wall. Aenys shook his head.

“The High Septon is your wife’s uncle, you mustn't speak like that. Father took me to meet him, he seems like a reasonable and good man. He wouldn’t turn on us.” Aenys protested. Maegor frowned at the mention of Ceryse. He didn’t hate her, not at all, it was just that she felt like a thorn on his side, as he was sure he was a thorn on hers. They were on speaking terms, but preferred to ignore each other. He was still on edge about her failure to provide him with an heir and he was so close to snapping at her once more.

“Regardless of his relation to her, he still does not like us. Do you let flattery blind you completely? We took their power away because we have dragons, but their influence remains. If we do not stay on top of this, it will be a disaster. If you keep dismissing it, they’ll call you weak.” Maegor’s words were harsh, but part of him wanted Aenys, his brother, to just do something for once. So far, all of his decisions were not truly his, rather Maegor and Visenya’s. It was a good thing for Maegor and his end goals, but still, part of him wanted Aenys to fight, to at least try. His brother did not take offence, instead sighing with a small smile, as he took a seat on the sofa, inviting Maegor to join him. Maegor remained standing.

“I think you’re being overly cautious. But rest assured, I will not turn a blind eye to anything that might come up, okay?” he smiled more as Maegor nodded. “Weak… it’s not the first, nor the last time I’ll hear it, worry not, it does not bother me. I know I’m no brave warrior, I never pretended to be.” he laughed lightheartedly. “You, on the other hand, were truly born a warrior, were you not? But that is perhaps unfair to say, as it implies you didn’t put years and years of work to achieve it, even when there was pouring rain! The other day I was chatting with Lady Evergreen, and she told me about it.” Aenys beamed, praising his brother.

Maegor froze. If Aenys noticed, he said nothing. He felt a flash of fear- actual fear. Why the hell was his brother even talking to Rowan? What did she say? Did Aenys remember anything that could put her in danger? No, no, he had to take a small breath. His sweet Rowan worked for his mother, it was only normal that they might interact. Aenys perhaps heard that they were friends in childhood, it was not a lie, there was nothing wrong with that, she had no reason to hide it from him, right? 

“You spoke to Rowan?” he asked without thinking. Aenys seemed a bit surprised at Maegor not using her formal title, as it showed that they were indeed very close. The King’s smile did not falter as he nodded.

“I went looking for Aunt Visenya, but she wasn’t in her solar. I found Lady Rowan in there waiting for her, so we waited together. She’s such a well travelled lady, I must say! Turns out we have quite a few things in common.” Aenys explained, as Maegor found movement in his body again to sit down on the sofa as well. “I thought she looked familiar from before, and I asked her about it, turns out my memory did not deceive me! I don’t mean to sound mean, but I couldn’t imagine you being friends with anyone. I’m so happy I was so wrong! She said you were so dedicated to training, you’d still train for hours in the heat and pouring rain! Did you truly, or was she just being flattering?” he laughed lightly, giving Maegor a playful look.

The memory came back to him as Aenys spoke. It was alive and so vivid, more vivid than Aenys who was right next to him. It was one of those days when Rowan had returned to Dragonstone with her father and needed time to rest and settle down, and Maegor was so restless, he refused to leave the training yard. It helped him calm his nerves, it helped him clear his mind and keep focus on his goals. His goal had always been the crown, but on that rainy day, when the rain fell harshly on his face, his only goal was to impress her. They must’ve been ten years old, maybe eleven, and he remembered yelling at the master of arms to keep fighting and to keep going. Just when Maegor was getting ready to call it a day, he caught a glimpse of her lovely green eyes, worriedly looking at him. Just knowing she was there was enough to give him a surge of energy to keep fighting. Afterwards, like most days when he’d push himself over his limits, she’d dote on him, gently tending to his wounds, praising him on his dedication… gods, what he’d give to have that again.

“Yes, the rain never bothered me.” he said. For some reason, he couldn’t think of what to say, the memories flooding back had rendered him speechless. It made his heart sting that he hadn’t had the time to apologise to her amid his return from battle and the meetings and his trip back to Harrenhal and… Gods, he wished everything could just go back to the simple way it was. Aenys seemed to pick up on his sudden surge of emotion, much to Maegor’s dismay, and his face turned into one of sympathy.

“Were you two close?” his voice became more gentle as he asked the question carefully. Despite the fact that they were slowly becoming closer, Aenys still treaded carefully around Maegor, as if he had to watch what he said. Maegor stalled a bit. Then he spoke up.

“We used to be close, yes.” he said after some time. He wasn’t sure how much he wanted to say, how much to reveal. He knew Aenys wanted them to be close, but this… only his mother and Duncan knew. Could he truly trust his brother with this? Why should he even bother to talk to him about it? He never spoke of it to anyone except Rowan herself, not even his mother. But maybe… just maybe, if he talked to someone else about all the hell that he was feeling, it would lighten the load just a bit.

“Used to? Why’s that, if I may ask?” Aenys asked gently. Knowing Rowan, she probably said it was because they grew apart. It wasn’t a complete lie per se, it was just that they were torn apart by his father. Maegor sighed.

“A lot of reasons. I suppose we just grew up.” he said, his voice much lower than before. He thought back to those moments of absolute bliss when they kissed for the first and last time. Those hidden moments in the forest, those smiles she gave him, that hope that sparked that he’d make her his wife and they’d live in Dragonstone together. Those days when all he could dream of was that one day he’d crown her his Queen. It was two years ago, and still, he yearned for her lips against his, to feel free to be around each other without worry.

“It’s a shame. It sounds like she was very dear to you.” Aenys’ voice brought his attention back to the present. Maegor’s eyes snapped at him, a look of surprise on his features, but his brother had a look of understanding in his eyes and a sad smile on his lips. Was? If only he knew that Rowan was more precious to him than the air in his lungs! By the look of it, it seemed like he was connecting the dots. Maegor nodded his head ever so slightly. “Perhaps you two can mend your friendship somehow. It’s a shame to not at least try, right?” Aenys’ question was genuine and Maegor took a breath.

“Perhaps.” he replied, after a long pause. The silence spoke volumes for Aenys, but he didn’t push the issue any further. He only nodded along, unsure of what to say.

The two brothers sat on the sofa in silence for what felt like forever. Maegor wanted to change the subject, for fear that he’d spiral if he thought too much of his Rowan, his sweet girl, and the fact that he couldn’t run to her embrace. He missed it when they’d find any excuse to meet ‘by chance’ in the library to study, sneakily speaking in High Valyrian under the guise of him helping her learn. He missed her soft voice while she read to him, how she’d be so patient with answering all his questions- he truly felt that she could become a maester if she could. Most of all he missed when they could spend time together, before the fear of scandal came along. He never felt so free with anyone else, so relaxed and completely at ease. What he’d give to hold her in his arms forever.

“I… I was planning to throw a feast, in honour of your recent victories.” Aenys changed the subject for him, and for that, Maegor was grateful. He was, however, unsure if it was a wise thing to do, while the danger of rebellion was still high. It couldn’t hurt, could it? Surely it would further promote his end goals, by Aenys himself acknowledging him as the more capable one in front of everyone important in the Crownlands. 

“I see. It will be an honour.” he said, his mood still not improving regardless. He didn’t feel like celebrating, not when things between him and Rowan were still so tense, but it would be foolish for him to throw away an opportunity that could be used to further push himself on the throne. “Perhaps it would be a good distraction from the unrest.” he said, and Aenys’ mood immediately brightened.

“Not just a distraction, but a celebration! There is a lot to celebrate.” he said, but his eyes widened, as if he did not mean to say the last part out loud. Maegor caught this, and raised a brow. Aenys contemplated for a moment, before shaking his head and speaking up. “Well, it’s still too early to announce now, but Alyssa is with child! It will not be announced at the feast, of course, it’s far too soon, but oh, what a joy! I shall find the best singers to bring to the feast, the ones that she likes best, so she enjoys the evening!” Aenys continued to beam, as he went on and on rambling about what he needed to bring for the feast, as he got up to find some parchment to write a list for it.

Maegor remained on the couch, after muttering a small ‘congratulations’ to his brother. He was feeling a new type of bitterness as he sat there and listened to his brother go on and on about how excited he was for the new baby. Aenys was to have his fourth child, while Maegor still had none. He didn’t even realise how hard he was clenching his fists, until his eyes focused on how white his knuckles were. It was as if something snapped inside him, like he was looking for a sign that what he was planning was the right course of action, and this was it. Ceryse could not provide him with the one thing he needed from their union, a child. He had to take another wife, just as his father did, for he would not disgrace himself with siring a bastard to be legitimised.

His mind went back to Harrenhal, back to one of Lord Harroway’s daughters, the one with the brown hair that was curled in such a way that he was sure in candlelight, it would appear auburn. Her nose could almost look like Rowan’s, he could pretend her brown eyes were actually that green he fell in love with. He knew if he were to take Alys as a second wife, she’d face scrutiny from the faith and the pious lords, but he didn’t care. He’d give her the money to live the life of a princess, and once he had his heir, he’d even crown her a Queen, so she shouldn’t care either. The Harroways never struck him as a pious family anyway.

Unlike the Hightowers, who’d surely take offence, but again, once he crowned Ceryse a Queen, surely they’d see his reasoning. What were the pious going to do anyway? He was the greatest warrior in Westeros, rode the biggest and mightiest dragon and wielded both Dark Sister and Blackfyre. Let them dare speak against him.

But then, as he excused himself under the guise of meeting with his mother, his mind raced to Rowan, his love. How would she react? She wouldn’t take it well, he knew it. He couldn’t bare to know that he would hurt her, but surely, she’d understand why he did what he did, once he wore the crown at last, right? Surely she knew that only she held his heart and that this was only out of practicality, right? 

He went to look for her in the gardens, to apologise, to perhaps talk to her about what was on his mind, as much as he did not want to burden her with the depth of his and his mother’s plans. She was too kind to ever consider that he’d do it, but when the time came, she’d see that he was doing his brother a favour, no?

Maegor stopped in his tracks when he saw that she was already talking to someone in the gardens. Tybolt Lannister was once again there to piss him off. He was clearly showing off his bruises and injuries he had gotten from battle, a swollen eye, a broken arm. Thankfully, she wasn’t alone, as her father seemed to have joined her for her walk. The three were chatting, Rowan looking at Tybolt worriedly, while her father had his arm around her shoulder affectionately. Why Duncan would ever entertain the idea of giving his daughter off to that pathetic fool was beyond him. Maegor always thought that Duncan was one of the smartest people in Westeros, so this bothered him beyond explanation. 

He huffed, knowing it would be unwise to interrupt them in such a public place, so he found himself making his way to Ceryse’s rooms instead. He fumed at the idea that there was a big chance that Rowan would tend to this blabbering fool’s injuries the same sweet way she used to tend to Maegor’s. Just the thought that her gentle hands would go anywhere near that man made him regret not ‘accidentally’ killing him off during the battle of Harrenhal.

Ceryse was on her way out of her chambers when he entered without knocking. She seemed surprised to even see him, as it was still midday and he only ever visited her at night. An awkward silence fell between them, until Ceryse spoke up.

“If it is what I think it is, my moonblood is still here. Perhaps in two days.” she said plainly, after the surprise wore off. Truly, he couldn’t think of many occasions where they had any meaningful conversations, aside from a fight or two. He appreciated how straightforward she was, but that did nothing to dim his frustrations. It was yet another failure to conceive, another sign that what he planned to do was the right thing. He cleared his throat.

“Very well. I also wanted to tell you that it should be safe for your family to travel if you still wish for them to visit. I did not forget the promise I made the other day.” he said while looking at her. Ceryse nodded, eyeing him suspiciously, but did not voice her doubts at his intentions. She was smart. She’d make a capable Queen once his plans came to be.

Now he had to head back to Harrenhal.

taglist:@heartstalked@stupidocupido@discowizard88@slytherisstuff

[redladydeath]

not sure if it counts as an AU, but The Favourite prequel + the "what if M&W had kids" AU?

Ooo, spicy! I've actually thought about this before in a roundabout sort of way.

The kids all have unique relationships with Bentinck and Keppel. Amalia and Maria grew up in the Netherlands (they were 9 and 6 respectively when they came over to England after the revolution) in a fairly relaxed household, so for most of their lives they saw Bentinck as more or less their uncle. They're teenagers by the time rumors really start circulating about his relationship with their dad. Amalia won't here a word of it; she's a huge daddy's girl, has taken Mary's goal of restoring morality to the debauched English court to heart, and is just flat out unwilling to even consider that this man she's known all her life and her beloved father are engaging in "immoral" acts. Maria is more willing to entertain the possibility; she's always been the quiet, observant type and she has noticed... stuff over the years.

William Charles on the other hand has never liked Bentinck. He was born in England and has a strained relationship with his parents, especially William. He's outright seen suspicious stuff between them throughout his life and is close with Anne and Sarah's circle, who drip poison in his ear about William and his associates. It's all very Hanoverian.

Keppel comes into the equation later. In the original kids AU, Mary outlives William (although I do have an alternate path where things work out like they did historically), but in The Favourite AU, William's grief over Mary is very important to the story/character dynamics. Not sure which I wanna go with for this.

Amalia may or may not be out of the picture by the time Keppel starts his rise; she's off in France with Philip of Anjou (Philip V), disconnected from court shenanigans, and may or may not be dead in childbirth. She liked Keppel while she was still there though; he was good with her and her siblings and he makes her father happy.

Maria's position is more complicated. If we go with William outliving Mary, Maria ends up as both the head lady of the court in her sister's absence and as William's caretaker in his poor health. She's never been the type for courtly politics, but once Bentinck and Keppel begin their battle over William, she starts to feel threatened. She doesn't particularly enjoy caring for her ill, grieving, and occasionally quite hard-to-deal-with father, but she doesn't like the idea of courtiers who may have ulterior motives taking her place. However, it all ends up being for naught as she's shipped over to Hanover to marry George Augustus (George II) once things start getting really spicy, possibly partially due to Keppel's suggestion if we wanna get really Favourite-y (she's the one who ends up queen in the end though, so he may live to regret that...)

William Charles ends up as somewhat of a pawn in this whole game. He's not terribly smart when it comes to court politics and his fraught relationship with his father makes it very easy for people to manipulate him. In the main AU, he hates Keppel despite him being kind to him as a child, since he's 100% convinced that he's his dad's sugar baby. In this compound AU, they might actually end up allies, as Keppel would be a lot more manipulative here, convincing William Charles (Billy? idk I need to come up with a nickname for him) that him replacing Bentinck in William's affections would be in his best interest.

William Duke of Gloucester would also be present for these proceedings as I have him survive to adulthood in the kids AU and he's William Charles' closest friend. He's not super keyed-in to the power struggle between Bentinck and Keppel, but he's very close with the other two Williams and ends up getting pulled into this mess by proxy.

[hauntedheroines]

James & Sarah ♫

(ಥ◡ಥ)

Anon, you are my favorite type of person. I've a playlist for Flawed, but I'm taking only my four most fitting examples:

Mr. Brightside - The Killers

Jealousy Turning saints into the sea Swimming through sick lullabies Choking on your alibis But it's just the price I pay Destiny is calling me Open up my eager eyes 'Cause I'm Mr. Brightside

"Coming out of my cage and I've been doing just fine" - I do have a sense that James was good at pretending he was normal around his friends and wished for that kind of normality. He was out there hanging out, working, even finding a girlfriend before Sarah was, so you'd think that he was emancipating too. I think he was trying to and believe he could add things like friends and a girlfriend to his life so that his entire world wouldn't revolve around Sarah and their house and his mind wouldn't be so fucked up.

But the interesting thing is that, even while James was putting himself out there, he did not allow Sarah the same privilege and, as soon as she forces her own emancipation, his mental state starts to gradually decline. It becomes too real: yeah, one day you and your sister will split up.

Now to other lines of the song: literally, everything started going downhill after James kissed Sarah.

It was just a kiss, Sarah. It's no big deal.

The once soothing childhood lullaby now a sick reminder of their codependency. James hearing Sarah's lies while she was seeing Sam.

The fact that James, more than Sarah, had to bear the consequences of growing up in an abusive environment - that the siblings tried to escape the cycle, but replicated their parent's toxic behavior to an extent. That James' ending was nothing more than what was destined to happen since the day his parents unknowingly designated him as his sister's protector. Sarah was outgrowing the past and becoming her own person - James could not.

How James endured with the thought that one day it would be just his sister and him, that his idea of happiness as a young adult was the same as when he was a boy. He was still that eager boy, waiting for the moment when the pain would go away, always hoping.

Time After Time - Cyndi Lauper

Sometimes you picture me I'm walking too far ahead You're calling to me I can't hear what you've said Then you said: Go slow, I fall behind

"Promise to never leave me."

I'm always taken aback by the fact that although James romantic interest was unrequited, their love was mutual. Accordingly, their imminent separation causes hurt and confusion for Sarah as much as it does for James. Both believed, all their lives, that it would be them against the world until Sam stepped in.

"That's your whole problem - you and James don't know where he ends and you begin."

I think this song skips between James and Sarah's POV about the present, past and the unknown future. I imagine Sarah looking through the window of Sam's bedroom, worried about her brother, as James is laying awake in his bed streets away, imagining his sister as she slips away to somewhere he can't follow, both flaskbacking through memories.

Yes, time after time. But times have changed.

Hoax - Taylor Swift

My only one My smoking gun My eclipsed Sun This has broken me down My twisted knife My sleepless night My winless fight This has frozen my ground

My enclipsed sun -- please don't take my sunshine away. They have hold on to a plan to escape the hell they lived in. Sarah changed that and, just with a sleight of hand, nothing made sense anymore.

"I don't know who I am without you. I don't want to. I need you more than Sam does, but you don't need me. God, it hurts." "Tell me you're not with him. Tell me and I'll believe it."

My winless fight, my barren land - fighting to keep Sarah by his side was pointless, even if she did chose to stay by the end. Neither should act out on anything other than fraternal love. Keeping her was farming a barren land: the fruits he wished for would not grow. Which is the reason why she is "the only shade of blue" Jaime's wishes for. Sarah, in or out of picture, would forever bring heartache to her brother.

I'm Your Puppet- Gregory and the Hawk

I'm your puppet I'll learn to love it And I'll undress If you need it But please don't need it If you need it I'll scream out

The last stanza is James. The first two stanzas are Sarah. I cant' find the words to describe this song right now. It hurts so bad.

"Why can't I be enough? I wanna be enough so fucking bad."

I had to make a full hands on analysis because I can never talk enough about this book. It breaks my heart everytime.

Send me a ♫ with the name of a ship and I’ll tell you a song that fits them perfectly

[critical-chris]

Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania

Who let the title of this movie get so damn long?

Here we go again. Another post-Endgame, superhero film capping off a trilogy of movies featuring a loved lead character. If only Thor took notes and ended at a trilogy too, maybe the Marvel franchise wouldn't seem so tired and exhausting at this point. I myself am nearing the end of my rope when it comes to watching new installments in another phase of Marvel. The last notches on the belt I've been looking forward to were Guardians of the Galaxy: Volume 3 and, due to my own love for the lead character and actor, Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantamania.

I feel like I've always been a fan of Paul Rudd. I don't even remember the first movie I saw him in, but I had to have immediately loved him and kept that same energy over the years. It doesn't hurt that he never had a real drop-off either. Looking back through his acting career, he hit the ground running with Clueless three years after his first credit (I haven't seen it, but people like it and I trust he was great in the movie). Then he hits you with Wet Hot American Summer, what used to be a cult hidden classic until Netflix brainwashed everyone into thinking that it was a star-maker when it was released.

He's a key, hilarious figure in one of my favorite comedies all-time Anchorman, a long running guest star on Friends, simps his way through 40 Year Old Virgin, dips a toe in Knocked Up, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Role Models, I Love You Man, etc. etc. The list goes on and on. My favorite Paul Rudd moment is in one of his more mediocre films funnily enough, Wanderlust. The scene where Rudd hypes himself up to a mirror before expecting to hook up with Malin Akerman's character made me laugh harder than I ever had before. Whether it's a cameo, a guest starring role, or being a leading man, Paul Rudd has given us countless performances and years that are laugh out loud funny and memorable.

Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania is the third installment in the Ant Man story and the i-can't-keep-count-how-many movies in the Marvel saga. Scott Lang has been through a lot coming into this movie. He's been to prison, defeated his mentor's protégé and came to terms with Bobby Cannavale marrying his ex-wife, a phasing supervillain and a trip to and from the Quantum Realm (I had to look up the synopsis for Ant-Man and the Wasp because I remembered very little from it despite enjoying it), the blip from Endgame which aged his daughter to a teenager, and the threat of Thanos. The thousand plotlines of the Marvel universe are becoming tired at this point, and you really don't have to remember every little detail, but these events converge and lead us to this new, and hopefully last, adventure for Paul Rudd in the superhero multiverse.

At the start of Ant-Man and the Wast: Quantumania, Scott is living a B-list celebrity life, having meals comp'd by businesses unsure which Avenger he is, slipping in as many Baskin Robbins' plugs as he can, and relishing in his newly released book The Little Things or Don't Count Out the Little Man or whatever little pun they made. His daughter Cassie is an activist rebel for good who also has somehow caught herself up on quantum physics with the help of Hank and Janet Pym (Michael Douglas and Michelle Pfeiffer). A convenient point as Cassie has been building a device that can map out and contact the Quantum Realm. Janet Pym loses her shit when she hears of this device and, when attempting to deactivate it, ends up getting the whole clan sucked back into the Quantum Realm. Oh what sights they will see and unusual characters they will meet.

The opening moments are okay enough, there are a couple laughs delivered by Paul Rudd's narration and odd family dynamic, but there is one problem that begins to present itself and sustains throughout the whole movie: the film has no soul. I don't know what it is, these characters I personally really liked and was interested in from the first two movies and Avenger appearances fall flat and seem generic and frankly uninteresting in moments. I should care what happens to these people, but I just didn't. I guess the positive I can glean from the opening is they get to the Quantum Realm rather quickly.

Scott and Cassie (The Langs) get split up from Hope, Hank, and Janet (The Pyms) and each try to find their way back to each other for a decent chunk of the movie's midsection. The Langs battle a couple amoeba and sun monsters before being captured by a group of humanoids and creatures. The Pyms follow Janet on a quest to find someone who can lead them back to reunite with The Langs.

The biggest issue I had when our group of heroes are dropped in the Quantum Realm that lasted throughout the runtime of the movie is the fact that every background, setting, action piece, etc. is computer generated. Obviously I understand you cannot reasonably create most of these effects practically, but when every single rock and speck of dust is CGI the movie loses its texture and I find it hard to emotionally connect as much to people interacting in front of a green screen in a studio. That has always been an issue with Marvel films, but feels like ever since they dove into the multiverse pool it has grown more and more evident.

Scott is dragged into an encampment at night (is there technically a day and night in a Quantum Realm?) where all these crazy creatures circle around him giving the impression he is about to be tortured or killed. Cassie runs into the scene out of nowhere, a red liquid dripping around her mouth, and urges Scott to "drink the ooze". Alright, am I the only one that felt this scene was eerily similar to Star Wars: Episode 6 at the Ewok village? Yes? Okay then, I'll move past it. Scott drinks this red ooze the creatures give him and suddenly he's able to understand the many languages they all speak. They tell him they are rebels against this unnamed 'Conqueror' and he is definitely going to be searching for Scott and Cassie being newcomers to the realm.

The rebels are pretty generic characters. You have the female warrior with a cool staff that disintegrates foes (a lot of disintegration in this movie) but otherwise has no personality, a brute with a sun head with no other discernable personality, and an ooze creature obsessed with how many holes everyone has (I'm not joking) who I guess has a goofy personality, and then just cannon fodder all around.

Meanwhile, the Pyms barter for a manta ray looking thing that allows them to travel to what looks like a hotel rooftop bar to meet a mysterious figure from Janet's past when she was stuck in the Quantum Realm. Turns out, it's Bill Murray. I read a report that Bill Murray was really interested in joining the Marvel franchise, but you could never tell from his performance in this movie. I mean, this guy is SLEEPWALKING through his role. It felt to me that he was on set for a day, maybe two at most, and maybe had a Benadryl or two because he is snoozed out. Anyway, he reveals Janet used to be in a romantic relationship with him but instead of helping the Pyms he has sold them out to the 'Conqueror'.

The Pyms escape, and while on the way to find The Langs, Janet finally comes clean on her past in the Quantum Realm. She found a man named Kang (The Conqueror) who she thought crashed in the Quantum Realm and needed to repair his ship's core which would allow them to escape back to the real world. Janet helped him find the formula to recharge the core, but when they install it and she touches the fully powered ship, she glimpses into Kang's mind and sees that he was actually banished to the realm after going on a conquering spree where he murdered billions of people across different multiverses and timelines. She used the Ant-Man tech to explode the ship's core to a magnificent size which stranded Kang.

The rebel camp housing Scott and Cassie is found out and attacked by the Conqueror's minions and the duo are eventually captured by a flying, mechanical death machine with a golden face and miniature arms and legs. Yes, that's right, miniature arms and legs. So let's talk about MODOK...

I can't lie, the first time MODOK (Mental Organism Designed Only for Killing) pops his helmet off and reveals the stretched out face of Corey Stoll, I laughed. It is inarguably a funny sight and gag for a movie that is inherently supposed to be a comedy. Paul Rudd is at his comedic best in the moments when he talks with MODOK since he can play the 'holding back a laugh or joke' face extremely well. However, I think they go back to the gag waaaaaay too many times and it would have been better served for MODOK to have his helmet down more often than not to keep him menacing and seemingly dangerous. Instead, you never feel anyone is in real danger when he's around because of how ridiculous he looks.

Scott and Cassie are locked up when they first meet Kang the Conqueror, who details to them his master devious plan to shrink his ship's core to normal size with Scott's help, escape the Quantum Realm, and continue his conquering ways. Scott of course refuses, but upon threat of his daughter's death, he relents rather quickly and agrees to help. I do want to make a quick note that I love Jonathan Majors and think he plays a great character in Kang the Conqueror, perfectly captured in the Loki series, and if I wasn't so tired of this franchise I would be looking forward to seeing him more. Alas, I will stick to watching the upcoming second season of Loki and likely bail out from the rest.

Scott's mission is to shrink himself down to find the core of the massive ship's power core (yes, a core of a core) which creates what they call a "Probability Storm". How do I remember the term? Because they repeat it like six times in a five minute sequence. Scott beings to multiply into different versions of himself that would have existed had he made different choices in life, similar to the paradox of Schrödinger’s box and cat. However, we don't get wildly different versions of Scott, rather a million copies of the same version asking what is going on. Oh, and one in a Baskin Robbins uniform, a company that must be bankrolling these films for how much they reference it in a two hour runtime. It stopped being funny the last movie, enough already.

After enduring this sequence, Scott is able to shrink down the ship's core, but is betrayed by Kang (shocker) who steals the core without freeing Cassie and shuffles away to his grand kingdom to prepare to leave the Quantum Realm. The Langs and Pyms regroup, Hank reveals that a few of his ants were also sucked into the Quantum Realm, and prepare themselves to storm Kang's empire city. Something something something, they rouse the rebels in the realm, who cares who cares who cares, and they get to the city with Scott growing himself to a giant size and he breaks down the walls to Kang's kingdom.

Scott Lang and the gang (why hadn't I used that term before now?) face off against Kang and his millions of minions until they finally prevail when Hank Pym's ant army come to the rescue in a pretty cool ending battle. You see a glimpse of Kang's power as he disintegrates fleeing rebels, although conveniently doesn't kill the one with the cool staff as I'm sure they'll get some half-assed Disney+ show out of her, before he is overpowered by the army of ants and eventually destroyed along with his ship's power core.

And here we find two major issues I have with the ending of this movie:

Kang is defeated by ants

Kang the Conqueror is supposed to be the next baddie that will stretch the next several Marvel films in the same vein as Thanos. They spend the whole movie alluding to and then explaining that Kang has innumerable variants (clones, basically) across timelines but this version was so ruthless and awful that the others banished him down to the Quantum Realm. In my mind, he should be the one leading this multi-movie onslaught of trouble for the next generation of Avengers. And yet, he is defeated by Ant-Man, The Wasp, a teenage girl, and two older scientists with telepathic ants. How am I supposed to believe that this guy, or his clones, pose any threat to a collection of superheroes when he can't beat a couple of the lesser ones?

2. Scott's "Sacrifice" is immediately worthless

I thought the ending of this movie may actually work well and be impactful when Scott and Hope seemingly stay behind in the Quantum Realm to keep Kang from escaping despite the rest of their family jumping through a portal to the real world. However, after destroying Kang, it takes all of 20 seconds for the portal to be re-opened and Scott and Hope to escape. I don't know if they're planning on making more Ant-Man movies (I hope they don't) or keeping Paul Rudd around to pop up in future stuff as a cameo (I won't see it if he happens), but it would have been a perfect way to wrap up the character by having him live in this world with Hope. Instead, they ruin it and there is no emotional moment at the end of this after all.

Overall, I'm pretty much done with Marvel and this movie did nothing to reinvigorate my desire to stick with this universe through another dozen films, although I think the negative reviews around it are a little much and more representative of Marvel exhaustion rather than it being a terrible movie. The film is okay, but I wouldn't shit on it. The best word to describe it, and a word I've come to love in the last couple years, is Meh.

Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania - 6.0/10

[leam1983]

On Helping

A Guy Whom I Deeply Respect Tries to Help Me Rationalize my New Job: insert three and a half-hours' worth of infodumping over Lebanese food, thinking this actually helps when it makes my anxiety fucking skyrocket.

Walter's Idea of Helping Me: slow and gentle hugs, reminding me that they'll take it slow and easy on me at first, seeing as I'm officially a newcomer in the field. Reassurances on the job not being as complex as That Friend makes it seem like. Two hours of lying on his couch, rested against his belly while we watch TV, followed by the most gentle sex you could imagine.

Some people understand that having avoidant roots makes change of any measure out to be something that terrifies people like me. You start spinning out, projecting failure after failure even before going through the first training seminar, and eventually get caught up in a maze of suppositions that has nothing to do with facts as they are. It takes either a helping hand or several meditation rounds to pull yourself out of it. As long as the source of that anxiety isn't made concrete, you're left with vague impressions that only add to a sense of toxicity that isn't likely to be actually present while in the field.

My notable points of comfort are:

My salary increase. I'll double my pay.

The added benefits. I've always paid out-of-pocket for dental stuff and most entry-level medical aspects, like visits to the GP's office. I'd have these covered as part of deductibles taken out of my pay.

Regular work hours. The car industry always hits a lull, around late December, and another one in July. That's about three to four weeks a year without pay. I'd avoid this cycle entirely.

Expandability. I could have a career at this other place; live my life there. I can't survive off of Small Business-related IT problems.

The Other Guy's idea of support involved telling me the team leads at HIC don't like flakers. Dude, you're making it all the more easy for me to flake out! I spent the evening biting back the urge to tell him to shut the fuck up and to let me take stock of the actual posting on my own.

Sarah's sort of grieving. She knows what this means; we'll still be together, but on wildly different schedules. Walter already stuck to the nine-to-five long ago, so he entirely knows what to expect. The Friend thought I needed data points, when what I needed was reassurance. The data'll come later.

As to why I capitalize him, it's mostly because we all know people like him: they mean well, but treat any work posting whatsoever like they're a Head-of-State about to issue a national state of emergency. Walter doesn't strip off the suit-and-tie from work because that's just not his style, but he does strip the job from his mind, when quitting time hits. He turns laid-back, never snarks about work like I do, and mostly acts like his Job-Related Self is an entirely different person.

It's a lesson in Zen that I still haven't caught on to, myself. I get entirely invested in what I do, when a sense of duty or interest hits me, and I have a hard time taking to concepts like Apple's Severance, for instance. I'm always thinking "How the Hell would that work? How do people compartimentalize their job so cleanly?!"

[therealvinelle]

You or The Muffin made a post on your dream cast(s), but I’m not really familiar with those references/actors (with the exception of Bowie and Jean Claude Van Damme and Clint Eastwood I think you mentioned). Is there anyone you would choose that’s a little more recent (80s-present)?

Our dream cast.

Our dream voice cast, for those interested.

Fun fact, both those posts were composed together, so yeah we share these opinions. We composed this one together as well.

Keep in mind that this list is... well it's for Twilight as I would make it. Which means that of course we’re casting a Didyme, nevermind that she’s been dead for thousands of years, but Denali who?

And once again we’re disrupting the time-space continuum and casting big name actors you’ve definitely heard about as they were ten, twenty, or thirty years ago.

Alright, so newer and shinier Twilight fancast, this time with a few alternatives because decisions are hard:

Alice: ... Audrey Hepburn.

I'm sorry. I tried. I tried to be modern, but I got to Alice and originally we thought Saoirse Ronan, appearances be damned because Ronan is a great actress, only to realize Ronan should be Renesmée.

So we're back to the dream cast. Audrey Hepburn was a tiny, pixie-like, yet ridiculously beautiful woman. Like Alice, her growth was stunted due to prolonged starvation during the War, so she's the perfect casting in a way no modern Western actress is going to be. She was also an amazing actress, just absolutely magnetic each time she graced the screen. She would be a fantastic Alice.

Aro: A young Tom Cruise.

Cruise is an absurdly beautiful man, and at 173 cm he is the right stature as I could never cast a tall actor for Aro. He's a very good actor, so I'm sure he'd be up for it. Also, he'd look great with chalky petrified vampire makeup on. He'd pull it off. I want to see this.

Optionally: Cate Blanchett

Yes, she's a woman. But that's what acting is all about, you play someone you're not. It's more a thing in theatre than in film that men can play women and women can play men, but I say fuck the rules, we're doing it theatre style. And Blanchett absolutely have that enigmatic, ethereal, otherworldly quality I'd want for Aro.

Bella: A young Sarah Michelle Gellar

Gellar is a petite beauty, she is spunky yet adorable, and very charming, the people of Forks and the Cullens would very believably gravitate towards her. Most importantly she has the acting chops to pull it off. She would portray an amazing Bella.

Caius: Daniel Craig

The man is the right age, he's someone you don't mess with. Craig has perhaps a touch too charismatic, but he's good enough that I'm hopeful he could tune it down.

Carlisle: A young Leonardo DiCaprio

DiCaprio is ridiculously attractive and has a bad case of The Babyface™. Watching him try to convince people that he’s 30 years old and has adult kids would be absolutely hilarious, and very faithful to the books. He’s a talented actor, too, very versatile.

Optionally: David Tennant

Tennant doesn't look the part, he is handsome but handsome in that particular way when flawed features come together handsomely. He does however have the perfect charm, gravitas, and energy for the character, so I think he could make a great Carlisle. 

This is where the magic of movie adaptions come in - you’re not going to be able to translate directly from text to screen, that’s impossible. If you embrace that and make some bold choices, you stand to make a truly spectacular adaption. One of the reasons why the Twilight films failed is that they were too faithful to the books while failing to understand the spirit of them, whereas the TV miniseries adaption of His Dark Materials switched a lot of things up and is absolutely amazing for it.

Demetri: Robert Downey Jr.

Ridiculously charismatic and talented actors cast in bit parts and making them shine is a passion of mine.

Didyme: Cate Blanchett

Look, Blanchett had to be in this somehow, and we could think of no one more appropriate. She has too much enigma for Esme, is too womanly for Alice, and once the idea for Didyme was had it was hard to weasel out of. 

Cate Blanchett would be convincing as Aro's sister, as a woman who haunts her lover and brother even thousands of years after her passing, an enigmatic and divine woman who can never be forgotten.

Also she's my fancast for her brother, so this works out quite nicely. Why cast someone who merely looks like Aro’s actor when you can just cast the same actor.

Edward: A young Johnny Depp

Very few men are otherworldly beautiful. There are countless handsome men, yes, and many beautiful ones, but Depp has extreme and symmetrical features that come together beautifully. Robert Pattinson does too, for the record, so what makes me prefer Depp is the fact that he is an incredible actor. Pattinson is good, but Depp is the kind of talent who can power through even the worst scripts, give him nothing and he will give you the world. He’s on Al Pacino’s level, this man can salvage anything.

Emmett: Terry Crews

Terry Crews is a mountain of a man, he's massive. He'd nail Emmett's infectious cheer, too. He has a very symmetrical and attractive face that follows the golden ratio beautifully, so I could buy him being a vampire.

Esme: Anne Hathaway ten years ago. Ref one, ref two.

She’s out of this world beautiful and has the perfect Esme aesthetic. Hands down best Esme. The fact that she’s a very good actress helps.

Felix: Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson

He’s got the physique for the part and would be absolutely menacing.

James: Brad Pitt

Brad Pitt is a character actor who tragically got lost in the blockbuster scene. He’s good, he deserves cool parts. So yeah, Pitt as James. I think he’d be absolutely amazing for the part, it’d be the kind of performance where you can tell the actor was enjoying every second on set.

Jane and Alec: Child Dakota Fanning

Fanning was a good choice for Jane, it's just that she was slightly too old when she was cast (and they made her look even older!) and the screenwriters had written a different character than the one in the books (and not for the better - I’m all for changing things in an adaption! But, well, she was Marvel levels of bad villain). And as Alec is a bit part and supposed to be nearly identical to her, I’d just have Fanning play him as well.

Jasper: Clint Eastwood, every time.

Optionally: feels like blasphemy to even have an “optionally”, but here we are. If you somehow haven’t heard of the guy, then… er. No, sorry, I’ve got nothing. Know that I tried, though.

Marcus: Tom Holland

The man has such babyface, which fits since Marcus is 19.

Just Tom Holland, sitting around, looking young and depressed.

Renata: A young Natalie Portman

Yes, yes, Renata is a bit part, I know that, but this is my Twilight we're casting for so I do what I want.

Portman fits the physical description for Renata, and I find that description to be relevant to her character. She's a teeny tiny woman charged with protecting the most important man in the world, and gifted with intouchability. Portman looks is beautiful enough to fit the bill for a Twilight vampire, and tiny enough to stress the absurdity of this 5′0″ woman being anybody’s bodyguard, nevermind Aro’s.

Renesmée: Child Saoirse Ronan (Though Adult Ronan works too, she’s my cast for the hybrid gremlin period.)

She was an extraordinarily talented child actress, and she’s beautiful while odd-looking. I could absolutely believe I was looking at an otherworldly hybrid when looking at her.

Mostly I think Renesmée is going to be a very hard part for anybody, as the given actor will be portraying one of the most ridiculed characters in recent pop culture. It’ll take major talent to get the audience to care about Renesmée, but I think Ronan, if anybody, could do it.

Rosalie: Margot Robbie ten years ago

She’s out of this world beautiful, and more importantly she’s an incredible actress. She would be incredible for the part.

[queenshelby]

Just Friends – Part Nine

Pairing: Cillian Murphy x Reader

Words: 4,515

Warning: Smut, Mention of Pregnancy, Birth Control and Abortion

***Worries***

When you woke up the next morning, your little mishap the night before was on your mind and you weren’t quite yourself, worrying about all of the possible scenarios.

Cillian noticed immediately that something wasn’t right but, with everything that was going on, the arguments with your parents and his heavy filming schedule, you decided not to tell him. You believed that there was no need to worry him at this point.

But, after yet another fall out with your father during breakfast on the day of his birthday, you broke out in tears. Your emotions got the better of you.

‘Are you alright Y/N?’ Cillian asked as he followed you to your room. He knew that you weren’t as, usually, your father’s comments would not have gotten to you upset in the way they did this morning.

‘I just don’t know why he won’t just accept you. You are the best that happened to me in a long time’ you cried.

‘Y/N, I am a fair bit older than you and, by what I gather from his comments, he is concerned that I am not genuine about our relationship. He seems to have a strange misconception about actors, but I am sure he will come around over time’ Cillian said calmly, taking you into his arms just as your mother walked into the room and asked you whether you would still be able to pick up your grandmother from the train station at 11 o’clock.  

‘How about I get her and you spend some time with your parents’ Cillian suggested and you reminded him that you were meant to pick up the birthday cake as well and that you promised Max to take him with you so he could go to the toyshop in town. His grandfather had given him $20 pounds and he was very keen to spend it on some more LEGO.

Cillian suggested that he take Max with him instead and you agreed, thanking him for doing this for you.

***Trip to Town***

After Cillian had picked up your grandmother, he remembered that you had been talking about a jewellery shop in Birmingham that you liked. It stocked several vintage items and vintage jewellery was your secret obsession.

It was your birthday in three weeks and Cillian hadn’t gotten you a present yet. Your grandmother was kind enough to show him the location of the shop and suggested that she would go and get the cake while him and Max choose something nice for you for your birthday.

Cillian accepted your grandmother’s offer and him and Max went to the store. It was obvious that you shopped there frequently as the owner of the shop recognised Max and immediately asked about you.

‘So, I guess you are looking for a present for Y/N’s birthday?’ she asked Max and Cillian while Cillian looked at the different necklaces and earrings on display.

He had no idea what to get you, but the shop assistant showed him several necklaces she thought you might like while Max wandered through the shop.

To Cillian, all the necklaces looked pretty much the same and it took him about a minute to realise that Max walked off. He quickly excused himself before looking for Max, who was standing in front of a different display cabinet.

‘How about a ring… maybe this one?’ Max suggested after he took Cillian’s hand and dragged him half way across to the other side of the shop.

The shop assistant couldn’t help but giggle as Cillian took in a deep breath, being surprised by Max’s suggestion. The ring Max had chosen was a $7,000 pound engagement ring with an emerald in the middle and several diamonds imbedded in the gold band.

‘Mum’s favourite colour is green you know’ he added with a big grin on his face as he looked at the ring.

‘Max, you don’t usually give a ring as a present to a woman unless…’ Cillian said as he kneeled down in front of Max in order to have this conversation with him but, before he could finish his sentence, Max interrupted him.

‘I know. You only give a woman a ring when you want to marry her Don’t you want to marry my mum?’ Max asked and Cillian’s eyes widened while his chin dropped. He didn’t expect this question from Max.

‘Uhm…’ Cillian swallowed, unsure how respond to Max’s question and there immediately was an awkward silence in the shop as both, Max and the shop assistant looked at Cillian with wide eyes.

Cillian was speechless and simply chuckled before collecting his thoughts.

‘I am curious Max, how would you feel if I did want to marry your mum? Would you be ok with it?’ Cillian then went on to ask, trying not to answer Max’s question directly. After all, you haven’t even been together for six months but it certainly would be a possibility in the near future.

‘I would like that because then you would be my dad and that would be pretty cool’ Max explained, causing Cillian to chuckle and give him a hug.

‘That would be pretty cool, I agree. But you know that I am looking out for you anyway, right? Even if your mum and I aren’t married’ Cillian said with a warm smile before messing up Max’s hair as he usually does with his boys when they are being cheeky.

‘I know’ Max responded before giving Cillian a hug which was just when your grandmother arrived at the shop.

‘We are still looking at a birthday present for mum’ Max sighed and your grandmother got involved immediately, helping Cillian decide on a nice necklace and earrings for your birthday.

‘I am just going to pay for these and then meet you at the toy shop?’ Cillian asked, hoping that your grandmother would take Max to the toyshop so that he could buy the LEGO he wanted.

‘Sure, take your time’ your grandmother said as she took Max’s hand before leaving the jewellery shop.

***Birthday Party***

The remainder of the day went well, even to the point where your father and Cillian had a couple of beers together after dinner.

Immediately following dinner, Cillian and your father went outside to talk. They were there for thirty minutes, outside in your father’s men shed and you were rather concerned when Cillian and him had left together. Surely this wont end well you thought but, to your surprise, when they returned, all was well. Much better than before.

Curious about what had happened, you asked Cillian what they talked about. But, Cillian didn’t tell you. All he told you was that they had resolved their differences and you didn’t dare to question it any further.

***Sarah***

The following day, you and Cillian made your way to Manchester while Max stayed with your parents. Cillian had to return to filming and you were eager to finally meet the crew and also share a bed with him again.

But, there was one person you were not keen to meet and this was Cillian’s ex-girlfriend Sarah who, out of all people, portrayed Thomas Shelby’s current love interest on Peaky Blinders. She had been harassing Cillian for weeks now, calling him numerous times and sending him numerous text messages.

The thought of her kissing Cillian in front of the camera annoyed you even more so when you finally met her and, after spending an entire day on set, found out about her intentions. It was obvious to you that she wasn’t over Cillian and the fact that he had broken up with her.

She didn’t take you seriously and that was obvious to you. According to Sarah, you are no more but Cillian’s midlife crisis. The young girl he decided to be with to get over her. She was oblivious about the fact that you were living together which is something Cillian never wanted with her.

You were looking after Cillian’s children when he was away and had built a good relationship with Cillian’s family and even his ex-wife. Sarah, on the other hand, never met Cillian’s parents or children.

Regardless of this, Sarah played on the fact that she was having intimate scenes with Cillian as part of the script and she was quite vocal about it.

As such, on your first night in Manchester over dinner with the cast, she even told you about the scene between her and Cillian earlier that day which involved him kissing her and touching her half naked body. She also told you not to worry about it because they had done it before for real which, according to her, made it less awkward and easier to film. She said that they knew each other’s bodies, which made you wanted to vomit.

Things escalated when she followed you to the lady’s bathroom and told you about having had sex in Cillian’s trailer once about a year ago. Following this statement, she implied that she would do it again if he was up for it.

But, the fact that she was acting like an idiot didn’t bother you. It was the fact that Cillian had forgotten to inform you about his earlier scene with Sarah which caused in your first fight with him since you moved in together.

***Making Up***

‘And this is exactly what she wants Y/N, getting us to fight because of her’ Cillian said angrily as he closed the apartment door behind him while you hung up your coat and took off your shoes.

‘We wouldn’t be fighting if you had told me about kissing her on set today…for fuck sake Cillian’ you shouted, throwing your handbag onto the floor besides you.

‘This is my fucking job Y/N, nothing more. Do you actually think that I enjoy filming scenes like this?’ Cillian asked somewhat flustered.

‘Well, you used to fuck her so I don’t know’ you sighed as you started to aggressively unbutton your blouse.

Cillian was speechless. He didn’t know what you were doing and whether you were, in fact, still angry with him or wanted sex. Perhaps both were applicable?

‘Well yes, we used to be together which means we had sex’ Cillian said somewhat annoyed, looking at you as you were getting undressed rather quickly. ‘What are you doing Y/N?’ he then went on to ask, unsure whether he should approach you or not.

‘How thin are the walls of this apartment?’ you asked as you dropped your bra to the floor. By this point, you had undressed yourself almost completely, leaving you in nothing but your panties.

‘Thin’ Cillian responded with a chuckle as it became evident to him what you were doing. Sarah’s apartment was right next to his and she got back to the apartment building before you did. You could hear her TV in the background.

‘Alright then Mr Murphy. I am laying my claim. You better fuck me hard and good’ you chuckled as you walked over towards Cillian, wearing nothing but your panties.

‘When have I ever not fucked you good, eh?’ Cillian smirked, jokingly using his Tommy accent to respond to you before he kissed you hard.

‘Did you think about me when you had this scene today?’ you smirked, biting your lip suggestively, as soon as you pulled away from the kiss.

‘If I would have thought about you, this would have happened and I certainly didn’t want to give her that kind of satisfaction’ Cillian smirked as he brought your hand down to his crotch. You could feel his raging erection strain against his jeans.

‘I never wanted anyone as much as I want you Y/N. You are driving me fucking crazy’ Cillian then went on to say before kissing you again passionately. You parted your mouth slightly and your body ignited at the intrusion of his tongue. Cillian groaned as he tasted your mouth and your nipples hardened as you pressed against his chest, ready for his hands and lips.

He broke off the kiss with a ragged sigh before pulling his t-shirt over his head in a haste and getting rid of his jeans.

Cillian then ran his hands over your breasts and down in between your legs, over the top of your soaking panties. His eyes flickered back and forth. He starred at you with his deep blue eyes, taking in your curves.

‘What?’ you giggled as you noticed his stare. His fingers were gently tracing over your thighs.  

‘I've barely touched you and you're dying for me to fuck you’ Cillian observed before he pulled down your panties.

You stepped backwards, leaving your panties lie on the floor, before letting yourself fall onto the bed.

The wave of anger over Sarah actually made your vision haze over for a second. But you soon forgot all about it as Cillian hoovered over your naked body.

‘You are so fucking sexy, you know that?’ Cillian whispered, his mouth at your ear.

You threw your head back and moaned as he moved his lips downwards and lightly tugged at your already taut nipples. You arched your back, thrusting you breasts into his face, silently begging for more.

Cillian complied with your request and began sucking one nipple between his teeth. His tongue flicked nimbly across your nipple, and you felt your pussy clench in response.

He kissed his way to your other nipple and teased it until you began squirming and whimpering.

‘Cillian, please fuck me’ you cried loudly. ‘I need your cock inside me’ you moaned.

He released your nipple at last and you looked beseechingly at him.

‘Patience babe’ he said before kissing his way down your stomach slowly until, finally, he reached your mound.

Without any warning, his tongue ran through your slit, causing you to moan loudly.

After several licks, his tongue made its way to your clit, licking circles over it while he inserted two of his fingers, pushing them right against your g-spot.

‘Fuck Cillian, oh god’ you screamed. You weren’t prepared for this sensation so quickly. Usually, he was taking it slow so that you weren’t overwhelmed with the intensity.

But not tonight. He gave you no time to get used to the sensation and, while he used one hand to push your squirming legs apart, he used the other to finger you.

The tip of his fingers flicked against your g-spot over and over again while his lips sucked on your clit and it wasn’t long until you felt your orgasm hit you like speed train.

‘Oh my fucking god yes’ you moaned as you held onto Cillian’s hair, your legs quivering and shaking while his fingers thrusted in and out of you.

Cillian smiled against your mound. You were incredibly loud when he stimulated your g-spot, so loud that, previously, one of the boys stormed into the bedroom to see whether you were alright.

Luckily, he saw nothing as Cillian was quick to pull the doona over you both when he heard the door opening and, following this incident, you installed a door lock and you tried your best to control your moans.

But tonight, you didn’t hold back. You wanted Sarah to hear how much pleasure Cillian was giving you after having dealt with her terrible behaviour all day.

Just as you came down from your high, Cillian kissed his way back up to your breasts and neck before whispering into your ears.

‘On your knees’ he instructed, knowing very well how loud you are when he takes you from behind. It was your favourite position.  

Your stomach fluttered as Cillian took off his briefs and lined himself up with your entrance.

Slowly, he entered you, inch by inch, stretching your lips wide. Your legs were fatigued, but that was hardly going to stop you from taking him deeper and deeper until Cillian settled on an animal rhythm that only a climax could complete.

He gave you no time to adjust as he kept thrusting into you, hard and fast.

‘Push back against me babe’ Cillian ordered and you complied with his request, allowing him to drive into you deeper and deeper with each thrust.

You arched you back and gasped as Cillian brought one of his hands in between your legs, rubbing your clit while he kept thrusting into you.

You almost squealed as he was pleasuring you, taking you hard from behind.

‘Louder’ Cillian instructed, enjoying your moans and screams.

‘Cillian’ you cried and, just as you did, he pulled your upper body up against his, forcing you to hold on to the railing of the bedhead.

He kissed your neck forcefully, thrusting into you while rubbing your clit at the same time.

You felt the pleasure between your thighs sharpen to a spring-loaded bundle of nerves that Cillian’s body would set off in a matter of seconds. God, his body was miraculous.

You cried out his name over and over again as your second orgasm radiated through you and he continued to kiss your neck until her body stopped shuddering. Then he buried his face in your neck and grunted with nearly every thrust until, suddenly, he pulled out, allowing his own orgasm to wash over him and covering your back with his hot cum.

You felt his grip on you loosen as he groaned out his pleasure, much louder than he usually would

Between ragged breaths, Cillian quickly cleaned up your back and you almost instantly collapsed on the bed together.

‘Jesus’ he panted. ‘That makes me want to fuck you again’ he added.

‘We’ve got all night babe’ you smiled, pulling Cillian closer for a kiss before getting him ready for another round with your skilled hands and mouth.

***Time for Goodbye***

The next morning you accompanied Cillian to set for two hours before making your way back home to Dublin. Your grandmother and Max were already on their way and would meet you at Manchester airport later.

With a coffee in your hand, you sat on a chair in the make up room while Laura, the make up artist, applied Cillian’s make up.

Sarah was sitting next to him, having her hair done and make up applied and you couldn’t help but grin at her as you were enjoying your coffee.

‘Time for the tattoos Cilly’ Laura said and Cillian reluctantly took off his t-shirt, causing you to giggle. Your cheeks were flushed red and Cillian apologised to Laura in advance.

‘Did you get attacked by a tiger?’ Laura chuckled as she observed several scratch marks on Cillian’s back and a few small bruises on his neck.

‘Not exactly’ Cillian chuckled while Sarah sighed, trying not to look at Cillian but failing miserably.

‘And this is why we don’t usually allow partners on set. It creates too much work for the make up artists’ Anthony grinned with amusement as he sat down across from Cillian, discussing the schedule for the day with him.

‘There must be some kind benefit of being a producer of the show, right?’ Cillian chuckled and Anthony certainly didn’t argue his point.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t long after Cillian’s make up was finished until you had to leave, catching your flight back to Dublin.

Cillian and you shared some kisses and, with a small tear escaping your eye, you said goodbye and went on your way.

You knew you wouldn’t see Cillian until your birthday, which was three weeks away.

Not long after you arrived at home, something else arrived and that was period. It was way more than a week early but you didn’t complain following your little mishap three days ago. You were relieved and immediately made an appointment with your gynaecologist Lucy to get the IUD.

She had recommended it to you a few weeks ago when she visited your house and you had an open conversation with her about your forgetfulness.

Lucy wasn’t just your gynaecologist, but also a close friend. Her daughter went to kindergarten with Max and Cillian’s youngest son. Whilst you were afraid of the procedure, you trusted her advice as a doctor and as a friend and you discussed the available options with Cillian who, again, made it very clear to you that he didn’t want any more children. At that point, neither did you but you certainly believed in keeping your options open.

***Surprise Surprise***

‘Hi Y/N, how are you going?’ Lucy asked before offering a seat in her office.

‘Pretty good, how about you?’ you asked before taking a seat.

You looked around her office for a minute while Lucy brought up your blood test results and the results from the urine sample you had dropped off at the surgery the day before. To your surprise, she didn’t have anything prepared for your procedure.

‘Is everything alright?’ you asked, looking at her as she looked through the test results, one by one.

She took in a deep breath before she responded to your question.

‘We cannot do the procedure Y/N’ she then went on to say.

‘Why? I filled my prescription for the IUD already and I am keen to get it done as soon as possible’ you explained as you placed the box containing the IUD onto Lucy’s desk.

‘Well, you won’t be needing it Y/N. In fact, you won’t be needing any contraception for a while’ she then chuckled before turning the screen around so that you could see it.

Your heart skipped a beat as she pointed to the results of the urine test. The results read ‘PREGNANT’ in red capital letters.

‘Oh my god’ you shuddered, your hands shaking violently just as you broke out in tears.

Lucy handed you a box of tissues before taking your hand into hers. She didn’t know what to say. After all, she knew that you and Cillian weren’t planning on having children.

‘So, tell me, did you bleed?’ she then asked when you finally calmed down a little from your shock. She was curious why you didn’t notice being late with your period as, from your records, you were quite regular when it came to your menses.

‘Yeah, a little, about three weeks ago. It wasn’t much and I didn’t think about it because I figured that it was breakthrough bleeding when I stopped the pill…well I forgot my pill and then didn’t take it again…oh my fucking god…this cannot be happening’ you cried hysterically again, losing your words.

‘My guess is that it was implantation bleeding but I would like to do a quick ultrasound if that’s alright with you’ Lucy went on to say.

‘Is there not something I can take, like tablets or something?’ you asked, still in shock that you were pregnant.

‘Is this what you want?’ Lucy went on to ask and you simply took in a deep breath before telling her that you weren’t sure. You never thought about going through another pregnancy especially after Cillian had told you that he was done having children.

You explained the situation to Lucy and she convinced you to have the ultrasound anyway as, even if you decide to terminate the pregnancy, she wanted to ensure that you weren’t experiencing a pregnancy outside your uterus which could be life threatening.

You reluctantly agreed to have the ultrasound and Lucy took you into another room to perform it.

‘This will be a little uncomfortable’ Lucy said as she inserted the camera before starting to push slightly upwards, looking for your baby.

Then Lucy stilled, taking several screen shots while you held your breath. She was awfully close to your bladder which made you wanting to go to the bathroom badly.

‘Is everything alright?’ you asked as Lucy was silent. She didn’t talk to you while she looked at the ultrasound machine and her mind seemed to be ticking over.

‘Is Cillian home?’ she then asked and you shook your head.

‘He comes back home late tonight for my birthday this weekend. Why are you asking?’ you asked just as she withdrew the camera from inside you and handed you a towel so that you could clean yourself up.

‘Because you might need someone with you to digest the news’ Lucy said before taking in a deep breath.

‘Is there something wrong?’ you asked as you could see the concern on her face.

‘No, everything looks pretty good so far but, you aren’t just pregnant with one baby Y/N. You are pregnant with twins’ Lucy said and you immediately thought that this was a very bad joke.

‘Excuse me?’ you barely managed to say and Lucy immediately showed you the pictures she had taken on which she marked one small black spot as ‘B1’ and another ‘B2’.

‘Two babies, one here and one here…right where they should be’ she pointed out before explaining to you that the twins weren’t identical. There were two sacs and it certainly explained your bleeding. ‘You are just over 5 weeks along by what I can see, which means that you would have conceived the twins when you went over to the UK last’ she explained.

‘Fuck…’ you said before breaking out in tears again. ‘Cillian doesn’t want another child. He was quite clear about this when we got together and now I have to tell him that I am pregnant with not just one, but two babies? Can’t you just give me something Lucy? I beg you’ you cried.

‘I can but you do need to talk to him Y/N. This is my advice as your friend. He deserves to know and make this decision with you, don’t you think?’ Lucy said calmly, holding your hand and you nodded.

‘If you decide to terminate, I will see you next week and we will discuss alright? If you are going to keep the pregnancies, text me and I will give you a referral to the maternity hospital’ she then went on to say and you stayed in her office for another five minutes before having calmed down enough before driving back home.

You struggled with the thought of being pregnant but had to keep calm and collect your thoughts. After all, you had to pick up Max and Cillian’s boys following your appointment.

When you picked them, you barely coped and simply grabbed take away for dinner before putting them in front of the TV for the remainder of the afternoon. Luckily, being a Friday night, they were tired after a week at school and kindergarten and it was easy to get them to bed on time despite the fact that Cillian was due to arrive at 9 o’clock.

When Cillian arrived shortly after 9 o’clock, you didn’t get up to greet him and he noticed immediately that something was wrong.

‘What’s wrong babe? Are you alright?’ Cillian asked worried as he saw that you had been crying. Your eyes were red and your face was flushed.

‘No Cillian, I am not ok. We need to talk’ you said just as more tears began to build up in your eyes.

   Tag List (Cillian):

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[astonmartinii]

lemonade and star-crossed lovers, p1 (JJ Maybank)

Warnings: none yet, swearing? all core characters are aged up to 18, Rafe is 21. 

JJ Maybank x kook!reader (super super slow burn) (this will hopefully be a series) 

WC: 4.0k 

Growing up, Y/N always heard jokes about how the eldest daughter was just the mum in a different font. She never used to believe it, but that was when she had present and dedicated parents. Now, it just seemed that with every addition to the Miller family, the less interested Kevin and Julie Miller became. 

So here Y/N was, practically a mother to her three younger siblings. 

Dylan is only a year younger than Y/N but is no less of a hassle, especially when his useless friends decide to crash at their place. But considering they had the most hectic house of Dylan’s friendship group, the Miller household was usually the last option. 

Then there’s Anderson, he’s in his rebellious phase currently, getting to that point where he’s figured out that acting out could maybe get the attention of his parents. Though Y/N wasn’t sure how well his plans were working out. 

Peach is the youngest and practically attached to Y/N’s hip. To an untrained eye, Y/N often looked like a teen mum as she took Peach with her to the grocery shopping. In fact, Y/N was sure that if the kooks in Figure Eight didn’t know her family, they’d sneer at her with the same ignorance that clouded their entire lives. 

Y/N woke up glad - it’s the last day of school. Summer break looms. The idea of boneyard keggers and hot (but equally clueless) tourons, excited the girl. But she knew her summer reality would be looking after Peach, bailing Anderson out of jail and swatting away the affections of Dylan’s stupid friends. 

—————————————

Dylan is already awake when Y/N comes knocking, taking extra close care to his hair. 

“Oh, you’re up,” Y/N said, moving to ruffle his hair and grab the empty plate on his bedside cabinet. 

“Jesus, fuck Y/N, was that really necessary?” 

“Hey maybe if you spent more time on assignments than your hair you wouldn’t have to take so many summer classes - oh yeah, mum might not remember, but I do, and you will be going.” 

“But it’s summer, surely it’s a violation to my human rights to go to school.”

“I’m sure you’ll survive, and maybe when you finally pass this year, you’ll thank me. Breakfast in 10.” 

Dylan just flips his sister off, going back to admiring himself in the mirror. 

Y/N next goes to Peach’s room to find her awake and rummaging through her draws. 

“Hey, princess, what are you thinking for the last day? Third grade finished already, you’ll be my age soon, wheeling me into the retirement home.” 

Peach erupts into giggles, pulling out a little pink summer dress and grabbing her pink sandals to complete the ensemble. 

“All pink, we love. Breakfast in 10, alright, don’t want you to be late for the last day.” 

Anderson’s room is last, Y/N doesn’t bother knocking on her parent’s door. Kevin is probably already down on Judy - his beloved boat. The room is typical of a 14 year old boy, it stunk, his weed paraphernalia was badly hidden and there was a lump of pillows under the cover instead of a boy. 

Shrugging, Y/N picked up the dirty mugs in his room and moved downstairs. She’d been awake nearly an hour now but was still unsure of what to make for breakfast. Opening the fridge gave her the only possible answer, leftover pizza from the previous night and maybe a porridge pot, though considering there were only two siblings to account for, it would do. 

Dylan and Peach joined her in the kitchen shortly after, each taking a slice or two of pizza. 

“No Anderson and pizza for breakfast? Watch out, we'll be calling CPS as soon as we’re outside.“ 

“You don’t know where the bug is? Why does that boy insist on giving me early onset cardiac issues?” 

“Don’t take it too to heart, I’m sure he’ll turn up by the second period.” 

“Okay, go to school now. Dylan, are you okay to drop Peach off, I’ll pick her up.” 

Dylan nods and ushers the youngest out of the door and to his car. Y/N lets out a sigh when she sees them leave the driveway and makes her way to the back door. Through the sliding door she can see her dad, Kevin on Judy instructing John B, the kid who worked on the boat, what to do. Y/N puts two slices of pizza on a plate and grabs an apple and ventures out to the dock. 

“Morning Y/N.” 

“Morning, John B, can I interest you in an apple? It’s all we have I’m afraid.” 

“No worries, any breakfast is breakfast when you’re a pogue.”

“Oh John B, you know I don’t believe in all that sub-par class warfare bullshit.” 

“Of course you don’t, but that’s very easy to say when you’re on the other side.” 

“Touche.” 

Y/N doesn’t say anymore, but moves to give her dad his breakfast. She liked John B and hoped he didn’t see her like the other kooks. Sure Rafe Cameron frequented her house, but she’s nothing like him. 

“Thanks, squirt.” 

Despite the nickname, Kevin was absent as ever, not moving to look at her. 

“You’re children are off to school, don’t worry.” 

Silence. 

“Oh thank you Y/N, I really don’t know what we’d do without you! You’re such a gem, you’re really unappreciated and we don’t deserve you! Thanks dad, I really needed to hear that. Are you coming later?”

“Where?” Kevin grunted, with pizza in his mouth. 

“My graduation? Did you forget that was today?” 

The awkward silence was enough of an answer for Y/N. 

“Sorry squirt, I promised to go to the mainland to pick something up for your mother.” 

With that, Y/N stormed off Judy, towards the house and into her room. When she sat down on her bed she could think about what just happened. She knew her parents didn’t care about her, but missing their first child’s graduation for a small errand to the mainland? 

Now that the house was quiet again, she could get ready - she was graduating today and as valedictorian she wants to look her best. Julie, her mum, is in Washington on some mysterious job venture, Y/N wasn’t told until she came down in the morning a few days ago and saw Julie with her suitcases. She guessed that one positive of her parents’ absenteeism is her ability to steal Julie’s expensive jewelry to wear. 

Y/N looked in the mirror, she did clean up nice when she wanted to. Her lengthy hair is in a half-up, half-down style, with minimal makeup and a red knee-length dress. The dress hugged her figure and complemented her graduation gown perfectly. Too bad none of her family would be there to see it. She knew deep down that Peach and Dylan would’ve attended if possible, and Anderson would maybe even make an appearance, especially if there was food involved. 

Y/N put her matching red heels on and grabbed her cap from her closet. After one final look in the mirror and putting her printed speech into her bag, the young girl made her way down the stairs. 

To her surprise, none other than John B sat in her kitchen drinking a glass of water. 

“You clean up nice kook,” said John B, a smug smirk on his face. 

“Thank you, John. Don’t you have graduation today?” 

 “Eh, yeah. I’m just going for the food though, school isn’t really my thing…” John B looked closer at her cap. “I’m practically the opposite to you Miss Valedictorian”. 

“Hmm, well at least someone in this house noticed, thank you John B. I’m going now, I didn’t notice your van out front, you need a lift to yours?” 

“Is that really on your way, wouldn’t want Miss Valedictorian to be late to her own event, you got a speech ready?” 

“I do as a matter of fact, but I want to be just on time, minimise the time people have to ask about the whereabouts of my parents. So, do you want a lift or not?” 

“Sure thing, Miss Valedictorian.” 

Y/N doesn’t acknowledge the nickname, but secretly loved it, it was a joke, but at least someone was appreciating her achievements. Peach would, she knows, but she’s not really at the point of understanding what it means and the others really are wildcards.

She led John B out to her small car, a baby blue Beetle. The boy smiled at her choice in car, 

“I’m sure that a kook like you could afford better than this.”

“Don’t insult Shelby in her presence, weren’t you ever taught manners? Now get it and give me directions.” 

The drive was fun, not that John B would tell Y/N that. He enjoyed her music choice, Mac Miller blasting from her speakers and the windows were fully rolled down, damned be her hair. 

Y/N neared the chateau and came to a stop. There were a few people sitting on the porch, looking over in confusion. 

“Yo, what’s with the kook-mobile, John B?” The blonde yelled from his seat on the beaten-up couch. 

When John B only turned to Y/N to say thank you, the interest peaked on the porch. The little gang of pogues moved towards the car. 

“John B, I didn’t realise your job came with a taxi service, why did I have to drop you off this morning?” The blonde, once again. 

“Lay off JJ, this is Y/N Miller, she’s the daughter of Kevin, the guy whose boat I work on. She’s on her way to her graduation and offered me a lift.” 

“Since when are kook graduations on the Cut?” The other boy interjected. 

Y/N decided to speak up, “if I knew an act of kindness would cause so much strife, I’ll just let you walk home next time. Now, I do have somewhere to be, so it was nice to see you, John B. I'm sure I’ll see you again this week.” 

“Bye Miss Valedictorian, good luck with your speech,” John B said, getting out of Shelby. 

“You’re the valedictorian?” Kiara finally spoke, face shocked. 

“Yeah, surprising what happens when you show up for school right?” Y/N snapped, angrier than she intended. 

“Oh yeah, sorry. I guess I thought that maybe Sarah would get it, especially if Ward has anything to do with it.” Kiara grimaced, she didn’t mean to offend the Miller girl. 

“You can’t buy the valedictorian title, well I’m sure you could, but not to flex, but my grades were miles better. If we’re being really ironic though, Ward technically does pay for the valedictorian,” Y/N said with a smile, not meaning to brandish her academic success in their faces. 

A chorus of “huhs?” from the pogues surrounding her car told Y/N that they weren’t catching her drift. 

“I’m Ward Cameron’s assistant. Sorry, I didn’t make that very clear.” 

“You have a job, but you’re a kook?” the blonde, JJ, said. 

“Yes, blondie, some of us do have to look out for ourselves, didn’t your parents tell you not to judge a book by its cover. I’ll see you around. Bye John B.” 

Y/N backed out of the road, heading back to Figure Eight, with her graduation starting in 10 minutes, she had massively overstayed her welcome at John B’s. If she weren’t so busy, Y/N always thought she’d like to be friends with John B and his crew, they had an unmistakable family bond that Y/N craved. She loves her siblings but they are still grappling with the idea of give and take, mainly fixating on the taking aspect. 

Y/N pulled up to school, and took out her phone, dropping a text to Anderson pleading with him to at least make it to two classes today. Even with her phone safely away in her bag, Y/N couldn’t quite bring herself to get out of the car. Happy families surrounded her everywhere she looked, she couldn’t handle the stares when she walks in alone. Well, it’s now or never she says to herself. 

Walking isn’t as bad as she suspects, Mr Morgan, her English teacher, meets her at the door and takes her to her seat, explaining the mechanisms of the ceremony and when she’ll make her speech.  

The hall, however, is the reminder that Y/N was dreading. The two seats she had booked for her parents sat empty, standing out like a sore thumb in the packed hall. She made her way to the student section with her head down. However, before Y/N could sit she was apprehended by an excitable Sarah Cameron. 

“Y/N! Hi! I heard you’re valedictorian, well done! I don’t know how you managed, with all the work and your siblings, you really are amazing.” 

“Thanks, Sarah.” 

The words sting, despite their pure intentions. She’s a kook, she shouldn’t have to work, and she should have parents who care for her and her siblings, but some things just aren’t meant to be, clearly. Y/N sat in her assigned seat and willed the ceremony to go fast, though she wasn’t looking too forward to her speech. The diversion to the chateau meant that Y/N had no time to look over it again. 

The ceremony started and the hall quietened down. Principal Stoney started her opening speech, basking in the spotlight when the hall door bursts open and interrupts. In the doorway stands Anderson. His hair is disheveled and the clothes are torn, probably from the nightly activities with the skateboard he held in his hand. The boy scanned the hall, eyes falling on the empty seats with the name Miller and then Y/N herself. He gives her a small wave and pushes past the Figure Eights families to the seats. 

Principal Stoney just restarts, a slight bewildered look on her face. 

When it was time for her speech, Y/N didn’t even feel real, like she floated to the stage and was possessed. Her speech went well from what she could gather, Mr Morgan gave her a thumbs up and Anderson hollered, much to the dismay of the families around him. But he was even worse when she received her diploma. 

As families spilled onto the field for fancy food and photo opportunities, Y/N wrangled Anderson to the side before he could raid the food stalls. 

“Anderson, what the fuck? First you didn't come home last night and then crash my graduation?” 

“Hey, I’m sorry about last night, me and the boys got carried away skating and I crashed on Oscar’s couch. I’m sorry, I should’ve called. And as for now, you think I’m going to let my smart-ass VALEDICTORIAN sister graduate without anyone being here to holler? You’re dead wrong.” 

The sentiment fills Y/N’s heart with joy and tears threaten to spill. Anderson’s never been good with feelings, it was nice to know that he did care. 

“Mum and dad can go fuck themselves, if they don’t see how great you are then they’re blind.” 

“Thanks, bug. It means a lot. Now don’t eat too much, people are probably already annoyed that you’re here.” 

Anderson shrugs, he couldn’t care less what they thought, he was here to eat and show off his sister. 

“Congratulations Y/N!” 

The voice of Y/N’s boss, Ward Cameron, was easily identifiable. Y/N puts on her confident face and turns to see the whole Cameron brigade, minus Wheezie. 

“Thank you, Mr Cameron.”

“You know, I just don’t know how you get it done, working for us and dealing with your siblings…” Rose says, the last part fading out as she watches Anderson walk back to his sister with his arms piled high with fancy horderves. 

“It’s tough, yeah, but what wouldn’t you do for your family?” 

“Of course, of course, sorry for any implications, where is the old man, I know Julie is off on business, but Kevin has to be proud, I didn’t see him in the hall?” Ward’s voice feigned sincerity, but the Miller siblings saw right through it. Before Anderson could respond, Y/N replied. 

“Dad is also doing business on the mainland, at the last minute. He’s devastated, really,” it's not convincing, even to her. Y/N can tell she hasn’t convinced the Camerons either. Sarah gives her a sad look, Rose attempts to mirror her step-daughter but fails, Ward looks slightly smug, like he’s trying to hide it but Rafe doesn’t even try to hide it like his dad, a massive smirk on his face. 

“What are your plans for the summer Miller?” Y/N is surprised when it’s Rafe who asks the question. 

“Well, I’ll be working for your dad, if he’ll have me, I still have my volleyball coaching in the tourist season and there’s never a dull moment with these around,” Y/N puts her arm around Anderson. 

Looking for a quick exit, she looks at her watch. 

“Oh, if we go now, you can still catch your last two periods. Kids, am I right?” She gestures at Rose and Ward, “we’ll be off now, I’ll see you next week?” 

The Camerons nod as Y/N pulls Anderson away and towards the car park. But before they can fully escape, they’re stopped by Mr Morgan. 

“You think you can leave without a photo and a proper goodbye, I didn’t think you were that kind of girl, Miller.” 

“Of course not, Mr Morgan, here,” she hands Anderson her phone, “take a picture please.” 

Anderson does so, taking about 50 at once. 

“Okay, okay, let's get one of you two, you can’t not have a proper graduation picture, especially not when you’re valedictorian.” 

Mr Morgan takes the phone and smiles at the siblings. When the impromptu photoshoot ends, Y/N is glad, despite it pushing back her escape. 

“Y/N, on a serious note, you are always welcome in my classroom, you’ve been a pleasure, and don’t tell anyone, but you were my favourite. And you, I hope you’ll be just as good next year sir,” he says turning to Anderson, “although considering you’re here and not in class doesn’t bode well.” 

“Thank you, sir, really. But you are completely right, and that’s why we’re bouncing now, so he can get two at least two periods.” 

Mr Morgan smiles at the two when they start to run to the car. He’s always felt sad for the eldest Miller, and her parents absence did not go unnoticed. 

------------------------------------------------

“I’ll see you later, I know you guys will probably crash a kegger, but at least come home before you go?” 

“Yeah, yeah, okay, who knows maybe I’ll see you there?” 

Anderson laughs and gets out of the car, he knows his sister won’t especially when Peach will be home. Y/N watches him go into the building and stays a couple minutes to make sure he doesn’t sneak back out when he thinks she’s gone. 

But Y/N barely gets time to breathe, as she’s down to the elementary school to pick up Peach. The girl in all pink is waiting with a gaggle of friends and shrieks when she sees the blue car. 

“Y/N! Y/N! I got the “most improved” in drama!” 

Y/N opens the door and picks up Peach, spinning her round and congratulating her. 

“Well done, bubs. This calls for a celebration, it’s the first day of summer and the boys won’t be out for another couple of hours - what do you want to do?”

Peach doesn’t even need a second to think. 

“Lemonade stand!” 

Huh? Y/N was prepared for an answer closer to maybe a princess party or surfing lessons, but a lemonade stand? 

“Are you sure?” 

“You said we could do whatever I want!” 

“Okay, okay, let’s go then we’ve got a lot to do.” 

Satisfied with getting her way, Peach got in the car and demanded that the next stop was the craft store. 

-------------------------------

The next 90 minutes were gruelling. Peach spared no expense, Y/N was lucky that she still had the credit card Julie gave her. But she knew it would all be worth it. And it was. 

Peach chose a spot right in the middle of the beach and the stall was already making a profit. Y/N knew kooks just couldn’t resist the temptation to look good and what was better than giving a generous tip to a child’s lemonade stand? 

But with a successful kook-trap came the kook assholes. Namely Rafe, Topper and Kelce. 

“Three lemonades please. Apricot, right?” Rafe said with a smirk. 

“You know it’s Peach asshole.” 

“That’s a bad word, Y/N,” Peach mumbled, clearly upset about being called apricot of all things.

“Yeah that’s a bad word, Miller, you should listen to Apricot a little more.” 

“Maybe, you should listen to your college professors, oh wait, you dropped out, my bad, must be a bit of an open wound judging by the look on your face. I bet daddy wasn’t impressed.” 

“Excuse me, you bitch, how dare you talk to me like that.” 

“Run along, lap dog, we don’t need your money.” 

Rafe goes to say something but Topper and Kelce hold him back. 

“Bro, don’t get it shit with your pops over a fucking lemonade,” Topper warned. 

With a final “fuck off”, Rafe Cameron stalked away to his car, his gang of cowards following, but not without Topper placing a crisp $20 bill in the tip jar. Peach mumbled and thank you and Y/N just nodded to Topper, too tired to say anything more. 

And if her afternoon couldn’t get any worse, the prickly blonde from this morning strolled over to the stand. 

“I’ll have four lemonades please.” 

Peach gasped and accepted his money right away, getting to work on the drinks. 

“I’ve seen many a kook-trap in my time, Miller, but not many operated by Kooks themselves. Impressive ingenuity.” 

“Thanks - JJ, was it? Peach here won “most improved” in her drama class and this is what she wanted to do in celebration” 

“Cute, Miller, didn’t take you as a softy earlier.” 

Peach announces that she’s finished with the pogue’s drinks, he puts another $5 in the tip jar and grabs the drinks. 

“Miller, there’s a kegger at the boneyard tonight, wanna come? I’m sure at least one of your brothers will crash.” 

“Sorry JJ, someone’s gotta look after the little one, maybe another time, if you can stand being around a kook for that long.” 

“I think I can make an exception, especially if they look like you Miller,” he winks, “boneyard tonight, if you change your mind.” 

Y/N blushed, but she knew she couldn’t, she couldn’t leave a nine year old at home, even if Kevin was there, there was no guarantee that Peach would be fed and given adequate attention. 

“He’s pretty, you should go.” 

“Peach, honey, you know I can’t, I can’t leave you at home.” 

“But I could go to Jenny’s, she’s having a sleepover tonight, I forgot to ask earlier, I got too excited about the lemonade stand.” 

“Okay, you can go to Jenny’s, but promise not too much candy?”

“Only if you promise to go with him tonight.” 

Peach was proving to be just as mischievous as her brothers. 

“Okay fine.” 

“Go tell him then.”

“Huh?” 

“I won’t believe you unless you go tell him now that you'll be there!”

 Y/N groans, but gets up to follow the blonde. As she nears, she shouts, 

“Hey JJ! I’ll be there tonight, at the boneyard, I’ll be there.” 

“Didn’t take too long for you to change your mind then, am I just that irresistible?” 

“No? What? Of course not! It’s just Peach - she’s a master manipulator, and she’s only nine!”

“Sure, Miller, if that’s what you want me to believe, I’ll see you later, sweetheart.”

Y/N turned, she should cringe, but she finds herself blushing as she walks back to Peach. 

“Don’t say anything, missy, you’ve done enough, let’s pack up and get you ready for Jenny’s. You young ones are such troublemakers, damn.”  

A/N: I am not American, so I hope that the graduation stuff makes sense, from someone who has no real clue what happens there lol  

[unwrittenlibrary]

Tee’s Summer Reads 🖤

hi all! as summer comes to a close and classes start back up again, i wanted to come on here and share some pieces i read over break that i just loved.

as always, heed to any and all warnings each creator has put in place. eighteen plus spaces deserve respect and you are urged to show them it.

— ➶ —

Bucky Barnes

i wished one the moon for you by @sunmoonandbucky • “After losing Bucky, you were devastated. So when Howard Stark asks for volunteers for an experiment, you're the first in line.” -> 40s buck & present bucky? love that lasts through time? love it

the shot heard round the tower & unwarranted weakness by @pellucid-constellations • “you just want to know if bucky has feelings for you. bucky just wants you to be okay.” -> these two pieces can be read separately, but i highly suggest reading them both because bucky is written so well and they made me feel warm all over. 

see the world the way you do by @vanderlustwords • “you start to see color when you meet your soulmate. bucky thinks that soulmates are a one of a kind thing.” -> there are So many lines in this that just... sit with you. i felt so much reading this. that tight feeling in your chest, pure happiness, anger... i just absolutely loved this. 

a little old fashioned by @gogolucky13 • “bucky is a bit subtle in telling you he likes you.”-> behold...sweet, shy comfort fic bucky. i go back and read this when i’m sad. 

he’s a good friend by @markandlexies • “reader is tired of watching bucky go on dates with leah and flirt with sarah.” -> give me all the oblivious, pining friends to lovers. just incredible writing and a truly lovely piece. 

tap by @houseravenclaws •  “bucky never talked much, he fell in love anyway.” -> you KNOW i already love sarah’s writing, it was on my last list. HERE’S MORE! this fic tore me apart in the best way and i still think about it all the time. it has become a go to. 

all the good things by @/houseravenclaws • “bucky’s been a little more than happy recently. sam thinks it has something to do with the pretty girl on the team.” -> need i say more? i needn’t say more. 

i love you, you idiot by @chrisevansjellybeans • “we’re best friends but won’t say we’re in love trope.” -> this fic made my heart sore. i love when writers have the ability to show love through the smallest of details and this fic did that so well. 

the things you’ve done by @divine-mistake • “what if the world ended tomorrow and all he did was spend his last day with you thinking about how you never hold his metal hand and you never walk on his left side and you constantly reach for his right arm?” -> OHHHHHHHHH MAN oh man this fic left me in shambles. absolute shambles and gave me a big, bright smile. insecure!bucky just does something to me. bucky is written perfectly in this. 

cornerstone by @agentofbarnes • this is a piece of zee’s (incredible) barnes’ au where bucky and reader (babydoll) are married with kids. -> i love the entire barnes’ au, but this piece honestly meant so much to me??? seeing bucky as an incredibly loving and open father just makes me so happy. 

leather jacket full of cats by @bucksfucks • “bucky brings home kittens.” -> nora doesn’t write fluff, but when she does it comes out absolutely incredible???? bucky and kittens?? PLEASE this made so happy (hi keep an eye out for more of nora’s work in the nsfw section) 

bulova by @babycap • “in the five years between the two snaps that changed it all, life had moved on, as life is want to do. In the aftermath of that final battle, you discover that time waited for no one (least of all you), and those you loved marched forward into it without you. Sam suggests you volunteer at the local retirement community to keep you busy, keep your mind from lingering on what—and who—you lost. In giving back, you find that time can be just as generous as it is cruel.” -> this is a babycap (dev my love) fan account. i have never read such beautiful words & i am always so stunned by the amazing works that dev puts out. i get so excited to read them. 

sunset by @belladonnabarnes • “bucky meets a pretty girl and her little sister at the zoo.” -> how did you know it was my dream to meet bucky at the zoo jaye?????? ahhhhh i loved this fic so much, it was so incredibly sweet i had the dopiest smile on my face when reading it. 

crawl home to her by @wkemeup • “stranded without coms, alone, and bleeding out in the middle of a russian snow storm, bucky is content to let nature take its course. only you won’t seem to let him go.” -> this fic is a masterpiece. a genuine piece of art. i was on the edge of my seat reading it, hoping i could faster than possible just to find out if bucky made it.

suburbia by @/wkemeup • “posing as husband and wife, you and bucky infiltrate a quaint suburban neighborhood in search of a hydra hacker. perhaps if you weren’t so in love with him and he hadn’t broken your heart, the act of pretending wouldn’t hurt so much.” -> yeah this one HURT. in the best way, an absolute favorite. so so so good.

that was premonition, i think by @divine-mistake • “sometimes you wish you had never fallen in love with bucky. screw that ‘it’s better to have loved and lost’ bullshit. you wish you had never fallen in love with bucky barnes.” -> just so so good. i was speechless after reading.

Others

Sam Wilson

the summertime and butterflies all belong to your creation by @golden-bucky • “you’ve never been one for baseball, but sam wilson is enough to change your mind.” -> ok. listen. i HAVE always loved baseball and this fic made me dream of mr. sam wilson in a lil uniform and me cheering him on. it was so sweet and i just loved it. a dream come true.

scary love by @bvckysmoon • “the first ‘i love yous’ are always scary.” -> being in love with sam wilson? yes please! this fic is so tooth achingly sweet, i adore it.

that way by @belouva • “you don’t know what label to fall under anymore. were you his roommate, friend or his lover?” -> i love roommate! sam… the first two parts of this series are so good.

Steve Rogers

you don’t know by @/divine-mistake • “until her gaze falls on you and her lovesick puppy dog eyes morph into saucers, leaving her frozen in pure shock. that visage quickly melts away to reveal a smug smile, aimed right at you, and you know exactly what she’s thinking at this moment.” -> steve & plus-size reader! i actually teared up, this fic hit really close to home and is beautifully written.

Spencer Reid

the one where everyone finds out by @reidscanehand • “Spencer Reid is in love with Y/N, and she’s in love with him...only they don’t know it yet...and they might be are definitely going to be the very last to know. And since Spencer and Y/N happen to be surrounded by the best profilers in the country, the rest of the team is, of course, the first to piece together the romance. Little by little, bit by bit, the team solves the case of Spencer and Y/N.” -> i constantly go back and reread this fic… it means so much to me!

work wife by @differentkettleoffishalltogether • “Spencer can’t help but feel a little jealous when it seems like his best friend is interested in someone else.” -> best friend spencer & love confessions? yeah that’s what i like.

Aaron Hotchner

dream a little dream by @ssahotchswife • “Following an injury, the reader dreams about time spent with Aaron Hotchner and his son. She relives heartbreak about Aaron's relationship with Beth and the love she has for Jack. Aaron must come to terms with his feelings for the reader when she wakes.” -> aaron hotchner is my comfort man and this fic makes my chest ache

NSFW

just friends by @/bucksfucks • “you and chris are just friends, right?” -> chris evans please i’m free on saturday

forbidden fruit by @/bucksfucks • “you attempt to set your ex’s things on fire. bucky has a better idea.” -> dadsbestfriend!bucky has my heart and it’s literally because of nora’s writing

appointments by @buckycuddlebuddy • “bucky barnes, finally being able to live freely in 21st century, accidentally gets a fuck buddy and starts to rediscover himself. the only weird thing about this situation is that you have to make an appointment to get railed by him.” -> ooooooooof i love this lil series so much

— ➶ —

these are all of my summer reads!!! i’ll definitely post another one after fall semester, this will most likely be a seasonal thing.

[oskarwing]

I really wanna talk about the parent child relationships in Midnight Mass

I’m not sure if I’m good at writing this sorta Meta but here goes nothing. Very many spoilers follow.

Let’s start with the adults: 

First we have Erin who suffered so much at the hands of her mother and later because of her mother’s abuse. We don’t get much detailed info on Peggy Greene but from what we can gather she was a lot like Beverly Keane, who seemed to idolize her (though that probably got easier for her after Peggy was gone), in her self-righteous over-pious manner. She just happened to be Beverly with an alcohol problem and a daughter who she could take all her anger at life for not working out her way for God loving her just the same as everybody else out. The dove scene is really such a good scene. But Erin was stronger than her mother, stronger than the abuse that was about to repeat itself and when she found out that she would have a child of her own she left and tried her best to give her kid a better life than the one she had. And she found the strength I think with the help of the same God her mother most likely used as legitimation for her abuse (don’t get me wrong I believe it was Erin’s own strength but she also clearly found something in religion that helped her gather it) and it helped her to carve out a path for herself and her unborn child.  

Sarah’s relationship to her parents is such an interesting one because we get to see the end of it. The man who she believed to be her father has been dead for a long while and her mother is suffering through the late stages of dementia. And Sarah showed up for it. As a doctor she most likely knew what would be happening as soon as Mildred started to show the first symptombs but she wasn’t going to leave her mother. That kind of care for an elderly parent shows something that is proven in Mildred’s character time and time again: She is a very devoted parent and the love between mother and daughter flows both ways in every scene they are in together, after the birth of her daughter her world turned around Sarah and she loved her with all she had. There are a few scenes that show that Mildred’s understanding of the duty she felt towards her family came from the old values of her time. She wouldn’t have taken off with John and their child not for a lack of love but because in those times, in catholism still at least where I’m from, you can’t just marry a priest. You can’t just have a child with a priest eventhough you’re married and then fuck off with him. As a woman, as a wife and mother you have to stand with your husband, stand with your child and you have to stop running after fantasies I’m sure Mildred had. I’m saying this all from her perspective btw, I don’t necessarily think running away with John, in the way he wished to, would have been good for Sarah but honesty might have been and her old fashioned values were also what kept her from being truly honest with her daughter.  To John on the other hand Sarah is a fantasy, a dream he couldn’t reach. His daughter, his baby, so close and yet so far away getting to watch her grow into an adult but never being able to really be her father as in her Dad instead of her priest. And it’s painful to him, he clearly loved Mildred, loved Sarah but he was also kinda selfish in his love that in the end took Sarah away. At first he isolated his child by starring at her giving her the creeps and the feeling that she had done something wrong that he knew she was gay and dissaproved and then he took it upon himself to ‘cure’ Mildred in the same way he was. Sarah wanted to take care of her mother wanted to be there for her in those final months and John decided it was up to him to give Mildred a youth potion to make it so she’d never die. And with that he took away from Sarah what is without doubt a hard but for many people a very important last part of the relationship between child and parent. John was a complicated man and would maybe have been a great Dad he certainly showed a lot of fatherly love for his altar boys but he couldn’t have the family in the way he fantasized about and in the end it was that fantasy that made him act the way he did.   

Riley Flynn causes his parents a lot of pain. Him killing that girl in the beginning, his alcoholism, him simply not liking the place, the home they build for themselves through hard work causes the Annie and Ed so much pain and financial loss and you can see how tired they are, how much guilt they feel for failing their son. Ed calls out his own guilt and says that he doesn’t belive it could be Annie’s fault because ‘your mother’s a saint’ but what I truly love about Annie and Ed Flynn is that they both aren’t saints. As a mother Annie is very much overprotective and suffocating, wanting to keep her children on crocket island and hating the notion that they might leave her, even though she is kind and sweet and loving. And while Ed seems rather checked out as a father but he is the more honest parent, never talking down to Riley and telling him as it is, telling him about the pain he caused him while also admitting to the guilt he feels. The Flynns are flawed people even in their religious practice (I think the way Annie speaks about Ali showing up at church when Hassan seemed to be nothing but nice to her spoke very loudly to the fact that Annie is rather misguided sometimes) but they are good people at the core of it and their parenting might have been part of Riley’s way into alcoholism but it wasn’t only them. There were things they couldn’t change and things they had no influence over like his heart being broken by Erin running away, the sort of people he went out on parties with and so many other things...  Yes, they may have shaped their son in a way that made him vulnerable to addiction and the party scene of the stock and tech market and brought him to the point where he killed a child but it doesn’t happen through parenting alone and they also shaped him in the good ways. Him not losing himself when Pruitt changes him, him being brave enough to warn Erin, him standing up for what he believes in those things were also shaped by Ed and Annie. They are one of the best example of flawed but good hearted Christians I have seen in recent media and their portrayal was one of the most heartbreaking ones. 

Now the kids: 

Let’s start with Leeza. Little Leeza Scarborough who before it comes to her wonder gets treated with pity and overprotectiveness from her parents and the island community at large. Leeza was injured by Joe Collie transforming him into the island’s villain and her into the ever present victim.  What happened to her is without a doubt horrible and I understand why Wade and Dolly started to become these overprotective parents, why they were so easily sucked in to John’s and Bev’s scheme. Their little girl was almost taken from them eventhough Wade is the mayor, one of the most powerful people on the island he had no influence over what happened to Leeza even was the one who took her out that day and what followed the accident was as we can gather from their conversation with Sarah a lot of pain and financial burden though they say they would have done it all over for Leeza. In fact a lot of places in crockett island are wheelchair accesible and I am sure that Wade as mayor made it so (I can’t really imagine that a small place like the island was very inclusive though I may be wrong).  After Leeza is healed they don’t want to question in don’t want to think about what might have been the cause for it. In fact they stop questioning anything after that point, after Leeza walks again they are completely vulnerable to Bev’s manipulation and them letting that happen, them just going along with everything, Wade protecting John after he kills Joe long after Leeza forgave him and with her forgiveness send Joe on a better path is what in the end makes them lose her. Because Leeza isn’t that little victim who needs pity and help, she is a strong minded, strong willed young woman with a lot of wit who similar to Erin finds strength in her faith but in a way that isn’t devotion without question and when the Easter vigil is held she doesn’t follow her parents eventhough she loves them deeply. She forgives them I think, because that’s what Leeza’s character is about in it’s core but her parents were two of the instigators behind what happened on the island, without Wade’s protection John and Bev couldn’t have come as far as they did and they put their trust in them because they loved their daughter so much they didn’t stop to question if maybe what made Leeza walk again was also a bad thing. 

Ali and Hassan don’t have it easy and I as a white person really can’t speak much on the racism and religious discrimination they face.  I can say this I think: The first line spoken about Ali before we even really get to look at him is “You didn’t invite Aladin” and already sets us up for what both of them know: They are the outsiders. Not only because they just moved to the island but also because in their faith they are different from their peers and religion can often be a community building event for people before it is anything else. Ali starts balming his father a little for that, for not trying to fit in more with the community, for moving after his mother’s death and then not trying to be closer to the people around them and for the pain all the pain the two of them went through before Crockett island. It isn’t oly peer pressure though of course that brings Ali to St Patrick’s. Sure, Ali wanted to be part of the community but also desperately wanted to believe that there was a devine power who could if he just did it (it meaning faith) the right way he might find a way to avoid the pain of his parents. Hassan knew that and he warned him that that wasn’t how it worked. Hassan was a protective Dad and maybe he overdid it from time to time but his worries were never without reason, his need to keep his son safe from a world that hated him for a crime that happened when he wasn’t even born yet never unfounded and him wanting to make sure his kid kept the memory of his mother alive never anything but the wish of a griefing man and loving father. In the end when they pray together there is peace in them. They face their ends with the dignity Ali’s mother would have wished for and they face it as father and son. While Beverly the true religious terrorist of the story burns away without it. 

Warren is the youngest Flynn and it is never directly stated yet omnipresent that his coming of age happens in the shadow of his older brother’s mistake.  Annie warns him away from drinking when he goes out he in fact doesn’t drink. He never drinks because of what his brother did.  Warren would have been 12 when Riley killed that girl and so he would have seen and felt what his brother’s actions did to his parents fully without being yet old enough to maybe see the nuance.  Annie and Ed probably try to right the wrong they believe to have done in parenting Riley with Warren and that’s a lot for a kid. I do think it’s pretty usual that parents of multiple children especially when there’s a larger age gap try to do better with the younger children, but that isn’t fair is it?  Warren is his own person not a second chance to do it over.  And yet seemingly he does what is asked of him. He’s alter boy, he’s charming and helpful and sweet, he doesn’t drink (even when he does smoke pot) and he helps his father where he can with his work.  But in the end he feels guilty because he thinks he wasn’t enough and says at that last dinner he would have been different if he had known he wouldn’t see his family again. But Leeza is right they know and they love him and Warren deserved to not be perfect all the time. 

Littlefoot saved Erin and Erin payed her back with all the love she had. She was never born but she gave her mother the strength and willpower to leave.  In her speech to Joe Leeza said he reached through time and took things from her she didn’t even know she had yet.When Erin left her husband she reached through time and saved Littlefoot from a childhood like hers and when John gave Erin the angel’s vampire’s blood he reached through time and took away her child, a child who would have been loved and cared for. A child with an amazing mother and probably a great step-dad.  Littlefoot’s story is tragic because she never got one. 

[viennasneverland]

Elriel vs. Eluc*en in acosf

I saw someone saying Elain could be interest in Lucien and it's only using Azriel, with the argument that we don't got her POV so we don't know what she feels and wants.

And, I'm sorry, but I never saw such a bullshit.

Let's look into what happened in the most recent book, acosf, and understand Elain's reactions next to those two males.

With Lucien:

"(...) claiming she had to be up with the dawn to tend to an elderly faerie’s garden. (...) There had been some tightness in Elain’s face as she’d said it. Normally when she made such excuses, Lucien was around."

" He and Lucien did not exchange gifts, though the male had brought a gift for Feyre and one for his mate (Elain), who barely thanked him after opening the pearl earrings."

"Elain only shrank further into herself, no trace of that newfound boldness to be seen."

And this is just acosf, we could analyse how Elain grew uncomfortable by the time everytime Lucien is close.

Now...

With Azriel:

" (...) she (Elain) said, nodding to Cassian, and then, a bit more shyly, to Azriel. Azriel offered her a small smile that Elain quickly looked away from."

" Then his (Azriel's) gaze shifted to Elain, and though it was utterly neutral, something charged went through it. Between them. Elain’s breath caught slightly"

"She halted, her breath catching in her throat. "I…" He watched her swallow. She clutched a small gift in her hands."

"She hadn't bought her mate a present. But she'd gotten Azriel one last year—a headache powder he kept on his nightstand at the House of Wind. Not to use, but just to look at."

"He chuckled, unable to suppress the impulse. "No wonder you didn’t want me to open it in front of everyone." Elain's mouth twitched into a smile. "Nesta wouldn't appreciate the joke.” He offered her a smile back (...)"

"Letting his scarred fingers touch her immaculate skin. Letting them brush the side of her throat, savoring the velvet-soft texture. Elain shivered, and he took a damn long time fastening the clasp."

"Azriel's fingers lingered at her nape, atop the first knob of her spine. Slowly, Elain pivoted into his touch. Until his palm lay flat against her neck."

"Her arousal drifted up to him, and his eyes nearly rolled back in his head at the sweet scent. "

" Elain shuddered, drifting closer. So close one deep breath would brush her breasts against his chest. She looked up at him, her face so trusting and hopeful and open (...)"

" Elain's mouth parted slightly, her eyes scanning his before fluttering shut. Offer and permission."

It's clear here who Elain likes and feels comfortable with, why would Sarah show us her wanting Azriel and rejecting Lucien If she would end up with him? At least some small crumb of her looking at Lucien with an certain feeling or any hint of her fighting against some feeling when it comes to him.

But no. What we got was Elain trying to avoid her feelings for AZRIEL when she looks away from his smile, showing how it messed with her. Sarah showed us Elain and Azriel looking at each others eyes and being unable to hide that thing between them. This is how it looks like when the characters try to hide their feelings (cause they know it's wrong, it's defy the Caldron itself). And not the "shrank further into herself" and barely standing being next to someone, this is a signal a character is uncomfortable.

There's no reason to Elain "try to hide her feelings for Lucien by being with Azriel". It would be more easy for her, for her sisters, for her Court. She's over Graysen (because of Azriel 🙃) so there's no "she still wants her ex fiancé". And she likes Azriel. She's horny about Azriel (something you can't pretend to be, like....you can't be all wet just by acting).

Elain likes Azriel, and with the amount of posts listing their interactions and how significant they are for both, there's no surprise in that.

[whatdoesshedotothem]

Sunday 23 July 1837

8 ½

12 ½

slept with A- second night but tired for tenderness – very heavy rain in the night or rather about 3 am   rainy morning – off with A- to church at 9 25 in the market cart (Mosey told me on Saturday it would never be liked here, they thought it so ‘ugly’) henceforward to be called the ugly  pronounced and perhaps written Hoogly  - told this to Frank this morning who drove – the 1st time of using the vehicle (had the gray horse) since Mrs. Heap’s breaking her arm (vid. Sunday 18 June) – the gray went very well – and the alteration in the hanging of the cart makes it comparatively easy – A- and I having gone in it first, the servants can hardly object to try again – set A- down at the church door in ½ hour – not open – she would go to the boys’ Sunday school? back in ½ hour – stood talking to Frank in the stable and breakfast at 11 – still rainy – damp and small rain – came up to my room at 11 ¾ - from then to 2 looking over memoranda and the plan of the borough lent me by Mr. Jubb on Friday – at 2 had A-s’ Hatters street tenant Hinton till 2 32 – about A-‘s tenants John Mallinson (Hartley) and Standeven – if A- would be contented to let them split their notes – no! – would say no more to the 1st or 2nd and the latter could not vote – might Hartley stay if he gave a split – no! let give a plumper for Wortley and then talk about staying – Hinton said he could get 20 votes for £100 – then said tell some of our committee – I think there are 20 blues who would be glad of the votes – off to church at 2 ¾ (took Mr. Gray and the Hoogly followed with Oddy and Sarah 1st time of the servants going in it to church) – took up A- at the turn of the 2 roads (Crownest and Cliff hill) – she thought us late – but we were in church just before the organ had done the introductory voluntary – Mr. Ramsden did all the duty – preached 25 minutes from Luke xvi. 2 – I asleep – A- wanted to write to Mr. Gray so we did not call at Cliff hill, and got home at 5 – then wrote the last 10 lines – then till 6 ½ wrote a ½ sheet note full and 1 p. of envelope pretty close to lady Stuart Easy chitchat –she is right – I should not be well without travelling – ‘my mind is so bent upon it, I feel as if it would fidget me into a fever, if I was to abide another unbroken 12 month in one stay – had written in my 1st p. ‘Here I am, and here I must be till near the end of the year – Surely I shall then see you, if I survive all my disappointments – and if not, I trust my next state of being will be infinitely more agreeable than my present one has been for the last year or two – DO not quite forget me’ – said when I wrote my note to Lady Harriet thought of passing thro’ Hamburg next month to Leipzig fair etc. etc. but luckily had not named it – ‘for my visions of Leipzig fair, etc were shortly afterwards dispersed’  - should have written Last Sunday but ‘fancied we might know better how we stood if I waited a few days – for the country, we hope Mr. Worltey is sure – for the borough, we must wait the event – I remember telling you about 12th month ago, there were great fears for Mr. James Wortley – opinion has made a great turn in his favour since them; but still I believe it would be impossible to say at this moment with anything like certainty how the contest will terminate – the fight will be a very close one; and if we do gain the day, it may be a 2nd time by a majority of one – the conservative interest has not yet had time to grow to its full strength, or to the strength I think and believe it will have by and by – I can improve my own interest very maturely in the course of 2 or 3 years – we had a few rotten boroughs before the Reform act – there will now be more and more; and we shall all be rotten ere long – the united whigs and radicals are buying up all the votes they can – they may outwit us – the whole thing depends upon management – but the weight of property in the borough, is decidedly conservative – it is very feverish work always dearest Lady Stuart, very truly and very affectionately yours AL’ – went into the cellar – sent off my letter at 7 to ‘the honourable Lady Stuart’ under cover to ‘Lord Stuart de Rothesay Carlton house terrace London’ dinner at 7 10 coffee at 8 10 – not A- and I had only 1 cup  and then came upstairs with A- (not having seen Mr. G- since dinner) before 9 – from then to 11 digesting A-‘s letter to Mr. Gray respecting Mrs. AW-‘s life interest in £4000 left to her by her sister Mrs. MW. deceased 13 September 1822 wrote rough draft of a new letter – fine day F54° now at 11 20 pm having stood talking ¼ hour to A-