#he still does ‘questionable’ stuff but frankly the people he does it to completely deserve it

[prognostik-a2]

thinking about him ( anarky )

[autistic-fuckwad]

can you talk about the messages that you sent to the admins on ARR? i don't know what was said but whatever you said seemed to really upset them :( i completely understand if you may have lashed out, i can't imagine how much stress being talked about so much must have made you feel. but i keep seeing people say you used to send them death threats and other upsetting messages.... :(

When it comes to the mods, I sent a very, very fucked up suicide note to them pretty much, to put it bluntly. It was talking about how ashamed I was about the things their site had shared, and how I was pushed to suicide because of it, and how I had lost everything thanks to them. At this point I had been sobbing the entire night and was hysterical, and I genuinely wasn't in my right mind. I asked them if they were happy it came to this, that I was pushed to this point. I'm ashamed of every single word in those emails. It was the words of a man who was moments away from genuinely downing a bottle of pills because of internet drama. I'm not proud of it in the slightest and frankly I'm still having nightmares over it all. It eats me alive at night.

This all is over a game I had quit because a week prior someone said they were going to stalk me because they assumed I was a bigot ( because all people who are rude must be bigots in their mind ) and must be sending people death threats ( which by the way, I haven't ever done. The worst I have said in that line was wanting to set scalpers on fire, and in my personal opinion I don't think that's on par with sending personal threats to a single person ). The one time I was accused of sending a death threat to someone personally, I did apologize to them directly in their DMS, even though I didn't do it. You can go ask them yourself, I genuinely felt bad they were getting sent stuff like that over something so... To put it blunt, stupid. They were getting death threats over being anti exalt, like, seriously? Stupid.

I ended up talking to my therapist the next day after those emails and he refused to admit me to a psych ward because it would mentally break me, and he was right honestly. I was genuinely suicidal, it wasn't some stupid bait like people claim. I've been battling with these sorts of thoughts for years, and I've got the self harm scars to prove it. You can ask people who used to know me when I was much, much younger. I am not proud of the fact that I am so volatile when it comes to being suicidal, it's something I have been working on for years at this point.

I still regret what I said to that mod, and I wish I could apologize to them but I was told to not contact them again out of respect for their boundaries. I don't like what they do, or what they support, but they are still a person and I respect them on that level. They didn't deserve to have to see something like that: no one does. Not even mods on an anon hate forum for a dragon game.

TLDR; The emails was a suicide note asking if the mods were happy that I was going to off myself. I don't feel comfortable sharing the emails myself as they are extremely dark and honestly triggering to even me now. I still regret what I said, even now it's making my stomach turn. I wish I had the chance to apologize to the admin I sent them to. I don't even play the game anymore and I still want to fix it.

I don't think what I've said here matters, though. They are convinced I'm a serial liar and that I have no regret, even though I've apologized personally. It's gotten to the point that the sheer mention of anon re rising or flight rising sends me into a genuine panic attack, and right now I feel like I'm going to vomit from the sheer anxiety and guilt of it all.

Sorry for the long post, anon, and I thank you very much for wanting to ask about it. It's more grace than others have given me, and yes, I'm actively seeking help with my therapist and what friends I have left.

If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask, but I don't respond to hate mail here unless the fee is paid. I just can't risk my already fragile mental health over it.

[miekasa]

bad romance

+ pairing: levi ackerman x reader

+ genres and warnings: friends with benefits au, friends to lovers au (well i guess that’s open for interpretation lmao), modern au—college au?, explicit smut, mentioned/implied virginity

+ summary: friends with benefits with your best friend since middle school is probably a bad idea. friends with benefits with your best friend since middle school who you’ve also been in love with for the past seven years—all for the purpose of her gaining ‘experience’ so she’s not nervous to do it with some other guy she has a crush on—is probably a really bad idea. levi ackerman is not known to make great decisions.

+ word count: 3.5k

+ notes: truth be told, i don’t even know if i like this; i took this from an outline/draft of a series i’d planned but know i’ll never complete. it’s kind of unedited too heh, also if you’re a minor pls do not interact 

Levi doesn’t think anything of it when he finds you on his doorstep on a rainy Saturday evening. It’s very much like you to show up unannounced and attempt to drag him into whatever activity you want to do that day. He’s fairly certain that Hange picked that up from you. Someone should tell her that it doesn’t work so well unless it’s you tugging on his arm sleeve and interrupting his otherwise peaceful evening. 

So, for a while, everything is normal. You make fun of him for his use of, admittedly overpriced, organic butter when he toasts you a bagel; he makes jabs at you shuffling around his apartment like a semi-wet chihuahua, and all is right with the world.

Until it’s not. Because half-way into whatever stand-up comedy Netflix special you’d persuaded him into watching with you, Levi’s had enough of your nervous ticking. He doesn’t know if you think that he wouldn’t notice, but he does. And he knows it’s not the result of you still being wet or cold from the rain, seeing as you’ve long since dried off and warmed up. 

You’re focused on the show (ironically, focused to a point of distraction), you’ve been twiddling your fingers since it started, and you’ve been fidgety since you stepped foot into his house. Quite frankly, he finds it insulting that you think he wouldn’t know something’s up by now.

So, he bends his knee, turns his body towards yours, lifts his elbow to rest atop the edge of the soft, and presses his cheek into his palm: “Alright, spit it out.”

“Huh?—What do you mean?” You look at him with wide, startled eyes. He looks back at you with unamused, expecting ones.

You crack a nervous smile, attempting to laugh off his command as incredulous, but instead, your voice comes out in what sounds like a pathetic attempt to cover up a lie—probably because it is, “What? Can’t I spend sometime with my favorite, surly psychology student?”

Levi scoffs at your batting eyelashes. The look he throws you seems to do the trick as you drop your facade with a sigh and shift yourself to face him on the couch too, your bent knees almost touching.

“Alright, fine, you got me,” you sigh, hands resting in your lap, “You, um... you know how you said you’d help me with, like, uh... sex and stuff?”

Levi raises an eyebrow. Of course he does. He watches as your eyes dart around the room waiting for his response. It’s cute as heck, and if the topic of conversation at hand weren’t about to get so compromising, he’d have probably teased you about it.

“Yeah, why?”

“Well… okay, so, you remember Jean, right? The guy I told you about?”

Levi hums. Yeah, he remembers Jean, but only because you can’t seem to shutup about him, not because he’s particularly memorable otherwise. He seems to be kind of a prick and a huge idiot, if you asked Levi; but, that’s kind of his default impression of most people. 

“Jean and I hung out yesterday, and it was normal, you know? We just talked and ordered food and watched a movie,” you rub your palms along the fabric of your yoga pants—another nervous tick he’s been observing, “I don’t know if it was a date or not, because he didn’t say it was, and I don’t want to assume, but Marco keeps saying it was, and that Jean wants to actually ask me out.”

Levi blinks. “And?”

“And if he does ask me out—or even if he just… I don’t know, wants to try something the next time we hang out, I don’t want to look like a complete idiot!”

He refrains from letting a noticeable grimace take over his features; and washes away the unsettling feeling in his stomach with a nonchalant comment, “I doubt he’ll try anything on your first date.”

“But what if it’s not a date! People hang out just to hook up all the time.”

“I thought you wanted to date him?” Levi questions, but his it comes out as more of a deadpan statement.

“I do,” you answer, your response a little delayed and drawn out, “But, I wouldn’t mind just sleeping with him, either.”

“Bold statement from someone who’s never slept with anyone before.”

“Have I told you today that you’re an asshole?” you roll your eyes at him, “Come on, Levi, you know what it’s like to just want someone, but not want them, don’t you? You’ve had one night stands before.”

That’s true, Levi knows it, but it’s different. He wasn’t actively seeking advice from his friends about how to pursue and potentially please his one night stands because none of that mattered—well, the pleasing part, probably, but not the pursuit, or the feelings that came with it. Besides, Levi hasn’t felt the desire for any of that in a long time.

“That’s not the same,” he responds, trying to dismiss the muddy feelings crawling up his throat, “Look, if your Jean guy gets horny when you’re hanging out, just make out with him—make him jizz his pants or something.”

“That’s terrible advice,” you frown, “Plus, he’s probably done that with a million other girls.”

“Probably. Sex tends to repeat a few basic actions here and there.”

“For a psychology student, you sure are a terrible makeshift therapist, do you know that?”

“That’s not even the kind of psychology I study, never mind that I never asked to be your therapist.”

Levi takes great amusement in your huffing and the frustrated pout settling into your features, though he does his best to not let his own smile shine through. It’s probably futile; you can probably see through his facade, anyways.

“I just don’t want to bore him, Levi.”

Any trace of his smile vanishes as those words leave your mouth. Levi doesn’t retain much about this Jean guy you keep going on about, and he doesn’t care to in all honesty—but maybe if he did, he could understand why you’re so hellbent on pleasing the kid.

Levi doesn’t like it, not one single bit. His own feelings for you aside, he doesn’t like how Jean has managed to worm his way into your head and make you think that he’s deserving of any kind of affection from you, whether it be platonic, romantic, or sexual. Because he isn’t; Levi might not know him, but he knows that much. 

Still, he sympathizes with you. He understands the pressure of navigating dating and hookup culture, especially in a university setting; never mind the additional expectations set on you as a girl. It’s shitty, all of it; the stupid feelings, the sense of uncertainty, the dumb-ass college pricks. You shouldn’t have to deal with any of that. 

“You won’t,” is Levi’s simpler response, “Just don’t crush his dick in the process.”

“I wouldn’t do that, fuck you.”

“I’m just saying, you’ve never been the most coordinated person in the world,” he taunts, “If that’s what you came here today to ask me to help you with, it’s fine.”

“Really?—I mean, okay, I know we said that’s okay, and stuff, but I didn’t know if—well I don’t know what’s on the table or not? I do want to do that with you, but I also wanted to know if we could do… more? But I didn’t want to ask for too much and make you uncomfortable! Do we need a lesson-plan of sorts, because I can make—”

“You’re doing it.”

“Doing what?”

“Stalling,” Levi tells you, “You know, how when you get all nervous and ramble, then run out of breath or things to say, then get super quiet, and let the conversation die and be awkward again.”

You throw daggers his way with your eyes, and Levi has the audacity to smirk. “Forgive me, it’s not every day I ask my best friend if I can suck his dick for practice.”

“You can,” Levi replies, a little too nonchalant for the situation at hand, “If you want. I don’t mind. As for a lesson plan, that’s weird as shit, so don’t do that.”

“Really? I can?” you question again, an ironic child-like glimmer of joy in your eyes.

Levi chuckles lowly at your enthusiasm—your appreciation is so genuine, he finds it nothing short of adorable. And oddly enough, he’s a little turned on by it, too.

“Yeah,” he nods his head shallowly, “You can.”

You still have that gleam in your eyes, but Levi can feel the hesitation creeping up on you, and offers his guidance before he loses you to a shell of yourself. He shifts over to you just a bit, loosely holding your right wrist in his grip; holding eye-contact, he carefully pulls you up to stand in front of him.

“You can start,” he says, slowly tugging on your wrist, “By getting on your knees and taking off my pants.”

By the time he’s finished speaking, you’re already kneeling in front of him, and the sight is already enough to have Levi semi-hard in his pants; an almost embarrassed flush washing over his body as he comes to terms with the fact that he’s thought about this visual more times than he cares to ever admit.

You fumble with the zipper of his jeans, pulling them, along with his boxers to pool around his ankles. Your actions are careful and calculated, but you seem comfortable—maybe not with your skills, but with Levi.

His eyes stay glued on you, when you finally hold his length with a single hand, the other resting hot on his thigh. He leans over again, this time to rest a comforting hand on the back of your neck, eager to wash away any remains of your nervous resolve.

“Start slow,” he instructs, feeling your thumb swipe along the head, “Just move your hand up and down a bit, like—ah, yeah, like that.”

You seem follow his words carefully, focusing on the way his dick jerks in your hand. Levi observes you carefully and mentally notes that while he’d have liked it, not making out with you before this was probably the right call—he’d probably have creamed his jeans before this could have begun.

“You can grip it harder,” he tells you. You listen, applying slightly more pressure to your grasp; and it makes Levi groan, short, but strangled, above you.

“Okay?” you question, the genuine concern in your voice enough to make Levi’s gaze soften.

“Yeah, that’s—you’re doing good,” he says, rubbing his thumb against the nape of your neck habitually, “Twist your hand a little when you go up, you can—fuck, okay, yeah, that, like that.”

You snap your head up to look at him when he lets a moan slip through; nothing but pure enthusiasm and satisfaction dancing in your eyes. Levi grits his teeth when you do it again, your thumb sliding over the tip when you reach the top of his dick, and, Christ, you’ve got to stop looking at him like that.

You work your way into a steady rhythm, letting Levi’s moans guide your movements. You feel him harden to full length under your touch; and when he does, you move your hand faster, twisting your wrist around the length and squeezing just a pinch harder at the tip, without instruction.

He watches through lidded eyes, using his thumb to press lightly into the back of your neck. You move your free hand from his thighs, eager to add it to the mix, but Levi freezes.

“Nuh uh,” he shakes his head.

It prompts you to stop your actions, tilt your head and look up at him, and Levi doesn’t think he’s ever seen something so sinful. Your complete focus on him, neck craned obediently, eyes twinkling under your lashes; your position makes him want to kiss you or choke you or something in between.

“What—did I do something wrong?” you ask with wide and innocent eyes that make Levi feel bad for worrying you, yet send an erotic pulse throughout his body.

“Not at all,” he reassures you, fingers treading into the hair at your nape.

He’s setting himself up for failure, and he knows it, too—because, really, who agrees to teach a friend how to suck dick? Having you on your knees in front him, crane into his touch, and keen to all his desires, does nothing to mask the painful fire in the pit of his stomach.

It’s stupid to be this hungry, this possessive over you when he knows you come to him in hopes to learning how to please another man. But one, precious thought is enough to cloud over all of that, enough to put that sadistic smirk back on his face.

“You said you wanted to give me a blowjob, right?” he questions, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth at the shallow nod of your head, “Okay. Open your mouth for me, yeah?”

He barely pushes the tip past your lips when your head dips forward, tongue peeking out to lick the very top. Levi sucks in sharp air between his teeth, relaxing into the couch when your head bobs further, enclosing the tip of his dick in your mouth.

“Fuck,” he groans, voice hoarse when his hardened cock rests against the velvet wet of your tongue, “That’s it—just keep going, like that.”

He watches intensely as your head bobs onto him. It’s hot and wet and so much more than he’d imagined it would be; and he’s not too shy to admit he’s imagined this with you. He moves his hand to brush away the flyaways of your hair, smoothing them back and tangling his fingers at the back of your head. He carefully guides your movements.

It’s slow and steady, and normally, it’d take him a while to cum like this, but with the visual of having you on your knees for him, Levi can feel a faint warmth of his orgasm already beginning to bubble inside of him.

“This is okay, right?” you pull back, a thin line of spit trailing from your mouth.

“Yes, yes,” he answers immediately, unaware of his tightening grasp on your hair.

With a shy smile, you continue, taking more of him this time and carefully gauging his reactions. You move your head further down, testing your own limits, until you feel like you’re choking. You pull back again, with an embarrassed cough.

“Don’t push yourself,” he says softly, rubbing soothing circles into your neck with his fingers, “Guys can’t actually tell the difference between a regular blowjob and being deep throated, no need to choke yourself.”

“Wait, really?” you ask, resting you bum against your heels.

“You seem so surprised.”

“That’s just so… disappointing,” you crinkle your nose, “Men and porn make deep-throating seem like the end all be all of giving head.”

Levi chuckles in genuine amusement, “Well, it’s not, trust me. If any guy insists on being deep-throated just to cum, he’s a fucking liar. He’s getting off on the submission, not the actual feeling.”

“The submission?”

“Getting someone to be willing to listen to them, telling them what to do, how to please them,” he shrugs, “Makes you feel like you’re in control.”

“And that… that works?”

“Yeah,” Levi says, “But, judging by the tone of your voice, and how willing you were to suck my dick three seconds ago, I’d say the idea of being dominant doesn’t really appeal to you.”

You scrunch your nose again, “Does it appeal to you?”

Levi pauses, thinking over his answer, before giving you a simple, “Yeah. Most of the time.”

“Oh,” you hum, “I… I don’t think I’d like that.  I think I’d rather be told what to do, seeing as I don’t really know what I’m doing, anyways.”

“Ironic, considering you’ve never once listened anything I tell you do.”

“I was listening when you told me how to suck your dick,” you correct him, “You seemed to enjoy that.”

Levi pauses with a raised eyebrow. You don’t seem to back down, that matter-of-fact smirk on your face still mocking him. He leans over slowly, using his right hand to guide your head closer to him, and uses his left hand to grab your jaw between his fingers.

“You can be such a fucking brat, you know that,” he all but whispers, pursing your lips together in his hold, “Since you like listening to me so much, then shut up, and we can finish what you started.”

You blink, staring at him with a wide-eyed expression. He’s right that under any other circumstance you’d probably run your mouth off about him telling you what to do. But something about the way he knows what he wants and tells how he wants it makes you listen without an argument.

You nod, slowly wrapping your lips around the tip again, and bobbing along his length. Levi’s breath hitches when you hollow your cheeks slightly, a rough hand pressing down on the back of your neck.

“You’re really—god, okay, you’re good at this, you know,” Levi praises you, letting his right hand resume its position at the back of your neck.

If you had any doubts before about being submissive, the look on Levi’s face seemed to have wiped them away. Watching him throw his head back, his fingers gripping at your nape, his cock in your mouth—pleasing him seemed to be enough to please you, too.

“I wanna make you cum, Levi,” you voice your thoughts, letting a hand lazily jerk him off in the mean time, “Tell me what I have to do to make you cum.”

“If you keep going, I’ll cum,” he answers too quickly, a groan slipping through his words, “Trust me.”

“Come on, Levi,” you push, rolling your thumb over the slit of his dick. It makes him inhale sharply; you’re getting a little too good at that; at all of this. “Can—I mean, do you wanna cum in my mouth?”

“Shit, shit. Don’t say shit like that,” he curses, blunt nails raking and scraping at your scalp, “You don’t have to—I can just—”

“I want you to,” you tell him earnestly, “Please?”

Fuck, he was pretty fucking certain he’d told you to stop saying shit like that. Levi bites the inside of his cheek, paces himself; uses both of his hands to hold your head gently, while you use yours to wrap around his cock.

He grunts with a shake, and rolls his hips up, pushing himself further into your mouth, but not so much as to hurt you. It’s soon after that hot strophes of cum wet your tongue, and Levi lets you lazily jerk him off until you’ve milked his orgasm.

The room is silent save for his low moans and the squeaking of his thighs against the leather couch. When he’s finished, he slouches back, looking at you through hooded eyes, sweaty and panting, when you close your mouth and swallow.

You use your fingers to collect any remaining cum from his softening cock, and hum contented as you put your fingers in your mouth. Levi locks eyes with you again, cheeks flushed as you pull your digits out of your mouth, and he has to grip at his own thigh to gain the self-control to not get hard again.

You’re going to be the fucking death of him some day.

He shakes his head when you move backwards with a cute smile and pulls his boxers up, then his pants as best his can, not bothering to zip them up. When he’s done, you stand to your feet then straddle him on the couch, laughing lowly at his post-orgasm haze.

He doesn’t think twice about the way your hands clasp at the back of his neck, or the way his find their way to rest on your hips. You grab ahold of his jaw with both hands, holding his face in place. He thinks you’re going to lean in, but you don’t; just stay like that, your eyes roaming his glassy eyes.

“Are you gonna kiss me or just stare at me all day?” he questions, lips pulled into a knowing grin.

“Can I?” your question makes him frown in confusion, “Dunno, I heard some guys don’t like that after getting head.”

“Bunch a fuckin pussies,” he grumbles, leaning forward to close the gap between your mouths. He can feel you smile into it, and mimics your grin when you begin to press short, repeated kisses against his lips.

“You’re the best, you know that?”

He laughs when you continue to press quick kisses on his lips. “You’re not so bad yourself.”

You kiss him on the cheek, wet and dramatic. “Love you, Levi.”

Your face is right in front of his, but he averts his gaze, a different kind go warmth spreading throughout his chest when you flash a smile at him. He lets you kiss him again, longer this time, but still slow and sweet. He likes the feeling of you resting against him, affection lingering on your tongue when you kiss him.

It’s dangerous, but he likes the way you spark a fire in him. Sweet or sinful, it makes him feel boneless, wanted, loved.

Levi leans forward, rubbing his hands up your sides, and captures your lips in another languid kiss before pulling away to peck the corner of your mouth. “Love you, too.”

And he means it of course, but if Levi thought he had it bad before, he’s in deep shit now.

[monaisdark]

AHHHH! I loved your virgin shiggy post, I was wondering if you could make a part two with reader giving shigaraki a tit-fuck in an empty classroom, with degradation kink, and exhibition kink! I'm sorry if this too horny - Anon ♥♥

haha.. im back i guess. Its been a couple weeks but i have some time to start writing again :)) checking my inbox, i did NOT expect this many people wanting a pt2 to my virgin shiggy post. prolly my fault for holding it off for so long :/ so i made it longer than i planned but count this a thanks for 200+ followers!! <3 anyways i really need to catch up on my inbox but expect more from me !!

➨ paring — Virgin! (not anymore) Tomura Shigaraki x Fem! Bully! Reader

➨ warnings — Sub! Shigaraki, Dom! Reader, mommy kink, slight masturbation, humiliation, degradation, begging, exhibition, tit-fucking, hand-job, cum denial

PART 1

Shigaraki messed up. It’s been a week. A week since you cornered him in a room and took his virginity.

He still remembers what you told him when you left— “Take a shower tomorrow. Also wear a different top for god’s sake. If you do... I might let you touch me.” 

Shigaraki beat himself over for agreeing to it as soon as he got home. You were his bully. One of the people making his school experience even more unbearable than it already was.

Yet he completely was undone as soon as you placed your hands on him, and you knew it. He just didn’t know what you wanted.

Dick? No, you were pretty and popular— you could probably get some from more desirable guys. To bully him? Sure, you said mean things to him during the encounter but the bullying was always around your friends.

For a whole school week, he stayed home. Making up some bullshit to the school that he had the flu. Frankly, he was scared to go. How was he supposed to face you?

Did you tell anyone? Secretly record it? Was he currently the laughing stock of the entire school for begging to continue to fuck you?

But even away from school, you had an effect on him. He’s still a horny guy. Now, jerking off wasn’t the same anymore, not when he had some taste of pussy thanks to you.

Shigaraki would always end up thinking back to you, even with porn he couldn’t get you out of his head. His hands clamping around his cock weren’t the same as your pussy, same with the bodies of other women.

He found himself indulging into mommy kink porn, something he didn’t really get off from before you. Shigaraki pretend it was you talking to him, bouncing onto his lap and letting him touch you.

But after a bit— Shigaraki found it going no where, they weren’t you.

Cursing, he would always finish early. And not in a good way. In a way where he was left unsatisfied. Putting his painfully hard cock back into his sweats and trying to sleep his horny-ness away.

Shigaraki realized he needed you, you talking to him, you around his cock. Now, he regretted not sticking to his word. But he’ll make it up for you.

You were quite mad. Shigaraki hasn’t been to school since that day. How ungrateful, you literally let him put his dick in you and now he ghosts you in real life.

You fully expected him to be at school the next day with the way he begged you to stay, clean and ready for you. So imagine your annoyance in seeing him not show up for several days.

But today was different, the newly ex-virgin actually showed up. To your surprise, he still did more than you expected him to do despite being a week late.

Shigaraki had changed his hoodie to a whole new one, it looked recently bought. As well as his hair, looking more soft than greasy like it typically was. Though he didn’t style it, it still overhanging on his face.

Still, he definitely looked a lot better, not enough for others to notice but enough for you to smirk at your work.

Both of you didn’t interact with each other besides a few glances until lunch. You guys sat on completely different ends of the cafeteria, him sitting in a small corner table while you sat in a large one.

Shigaraki looked fidgety, meekly looking up every few minutes to watch you interact with your friends. He was waiting for school to end, planning to catch you at the same empty classroom you took his virginity in.

Though you had completely other plans.

“Hey, I’ll be right back.” You got up from your table, grabbing your bag from off the floor. “To?” One of your friends asked, not looking up from their phone.

“Some nerd, he’s gonna do my homework we got last period. Apparently, his parents found out he’s been doing our homework and now he's gotta do them during lunch. Gotta make sure they do it right.” You lied through your teeth, hoping they would just back off.

They didn’t look up, instead pulling their homework worksheet out of their binder with one hand, putting it in yours, “Get him to do mine.”

You rolled your eyes, grabbing the paper, “Yeah.” You walked away, crumbling the paper to throw it in the trash. You’ll just say you lost it. Not like they’ll do anything about it.

Narrowed eyes landed on Shigaraki, his eyes currently focused on his phone. You strudded your way to him, smirking to yourself.

Shigaraki almost jumped when he felt something brush against his leg. Looking up, he was met with you sitting down next to him.

“Hey.” You said, placing your bag on the table and putting your last period’s homework on the table.

“You’re good at chemistry, right?” You questioned, shifting through your bag for something to write with.

“...Well— I... um...—“ Shigaraki stuttered, unsure of what was currently going on.

“Great.” You pulled the phone out of his clammy hands, replacing it with a pencil. “...What?” He tilted his head, was this a joke? Did you completely forget about a week ago?

“Hm...? Well, get onto it.” You uttered him on, putting your chin in your hands, eyeing him. Reluctantly, he looked back to paper, beginning to work on it.

After around 5 minutes, you brushed against him even more, getting close to his side. “What does that say?” You pushed yourself further into his side, your chest touching his arms.

Shigaraki cursed himself for already becoming red, he pants tightening around his crotch as last week flashed into his head again.

“Um... m-mole is a unit of measur— Hmph!“ He held back a loud whine when your right hand traveled to his crotch.

“What— what are you doing?” He asked under his breath, holding back small whimpers as you palmed him, “Where have you been?” You questioned sternly, upset he kept you waiting.

“I’m sorry... I got sick.” He bluffed, it was too embarrassing to admit he was scared. With how he left you hanging, he expected people to be laughing at him the moment he stepped onto school grounds.

“Sick? A whole week?” You hummed, you could already tell he was lying. Still, you were proud that he even bothered to make it up to you by fixing himself up.

“With your diet of energy drinks and chips, I’m surprised you’re not dead.” You decided to let it go, he was just nervous to show up.

Yet you think he deserves a bit of punishment.

Shigaraki felt heavy as you teased the zipper of his jeans. He immediately tensed, “Wait— now..?” He saw you narrow your eyes, “Something wrong?”

“There’s people here!” He whispered yelled, flinching as he felt you unzip his jeans ever so slowly, trailing your finger along his exposed boxers.

“So? You’re just some loser in the corner, nobody will notice if you aren’t obvious.”

Shigaraki could already feel pre-cum form at his tip, staining his boxers a bit. You giggled a bit, feeling the dampness of his boxers. “Already?” Shigaraki shook his head, “I... I haven’t came since... that day.”

You laughed a bit louder than you expected to, good thing the cafeteria was already loud. “How sweet of you. Couldn’t get it on?”

Shigaraki focused his eyes on your paper, muffled moans caught at the back of his throat as you freed his cock from his boxers.

Now slowly pumping him, Shigaraki dropped the pen of the table. He wanted to do something with his hands, to touch you.

He moved his hand to your thigh, but of course, you didn’t allow him, “You’re too eager. Get back to work.” You ordered. Shigaraki was about to question you but you stopped him with stroking his cock faster.

Both of you continued this way for a bit, him answering questions with his shaky hands while you jerked him off.

Shigaraki could’ve sworn he felt eyes on him a couple of times, yet every time he looked up, nobody was even batting an eye in his direction.

He could feel his cock twitch at the excitement of being caught. How would they explain one of the most popular girls giving an outcast a hand-job under the table?

As he got to the last question— he was already drooling on the paper, mouth clenched shut to avoid moaning and panting to be let out.

You could tell he was about to cum, the writing on the paper progressively getting sloppier as time went on. “M-mommy...” Shigaraki whispered just enough for you to hear, “Hmm, you want to cum?”

He nodded furiously, he was extremely pent up and needed release. And just as he thought, you were the only one who can give it to him.

Shigaraki whimpered when you pulled away, looking up at the clock and collecting your stuff. “Then after school, room 204. Actually listen and show up when I tell you this time.”

You walked away just in time for the bell to go off, signifying that lunch was over. Leaving Shigaraki, once again, a mess.

Here he was again, feeling nostalgic as you walked into the empty classroom. Shigaraki easily grew again while anticipating this, the tent prominent in his jeans.

“Y’know, good job for showering and changing.” You gave him praise, Shigaraki turning red from your words. “This... this means I can touch you, right?”

You nodded, “Yeah. I actually keep promises.” He ignored the jab at him, it didn’t matter how mean you were— he was going to touch you finally.

Shigaraki awkwardly shuffled towards you, raising his hands up to look at you with wide eyes. He slowly paced a hand on your boobs, trying to see if this was just some test and you’ll get mad at him.

When he didn’t get anything back, he immediately started to dough on your clothed breast, cupping them. Then, he moved to unbutton your shirt, already seeing you thought ahead and took off your bra before coming here.

He fully took off your shirt, not wasting time on latching his mouth onto one of your nipples, both hands playing with your breasts. Shigaraki was basically humping your leg, sucking your nipples like a baby.

You giggled a bit, patting his head. He looked up at you with a clouded look, pure joy in his eyes as he finally got to touch you.

Looking back down at him, another idea popped up— you already took his virginity and gave him his first hand-job, whats another one of his firsts? “Shigaraki, do you want to feel really good?” He unlatched from your nipple, “I can be inside you?”

“No.” He frowned a bit, but perked up when you trailed your fingers on his boxers. “What if I put this,” You pointed at your boobs, “In between these?”

Shigaraki was already down, eagerly sitting on a desk while you got on your knees. He freed his cock, putting it in between your slick pushed together breasts, thanks to his sucking earlier.

You wasted no time on stroking it up and down with your breasts. He moaned feeling the softness of the valley between your chest, your breasts around his cock giving him warmth as you stimulated him.

Shigaraki was definitely feeling great, you even let him bend down and grab your breasts to control the speed of the tit-job.

Though, Shigaraki wanted more. You were giving him all these things, a hand-job, a tit-fuck. He’s been inside you once and he didn’t get to do what he wanted in the first place. To cum inside his mommy.

He feels a knot grow in his lower abdomen, but he doesn’t wanna cum yet. Instead, he pulled himself away from you, much to your confusion.

“What? You literally were about to cum and I was gonna let you!” You groaned, getting up as Shigaraki faced you.

“...Mommy, can I fuck you?”

“No, you didn’t come to school for a whole week. If you really wanted to you would have showed up.”

Shigaraki turned red, sputtering as he held onto your arm, “Please! I just want you cum inside you.” He whined, tears pricking at the chance of not getting to have sex with you after all this time.

You looked at him stoned faced as he begged, even falling to his knees dramatically to add to his desperation. “Fucking virgins, man.”

Shigaraki felt himself be pushed down, your skirt and panties on the floor. You straddled onto his length, moans filling the room quickly.

“Yes! Thank you, thank you, mommy!” Shigaraki thrusted his hips into yours, feeling even more over-joyed when he was allowed to touch your chest while you were on top of him this time.

Shigaraki desperately missed this, now he remembers why his hand didn’t compare to your tight pussy after trying to jerk off. He found his own rhythm quickly, muffled ‘mommy’s due to his mouth on your breasts.

“I’m doing this because you cleaned up, if you didn’t I would’ve left you to your own sad-ass devices already.” You lied, honestly, you hated the idea what he possibly was ignoring you by not showing up to school.

Even then, you’ve grown a bit found of him. His body, his expressions, his voice, everything really. It didn’t bother you as much when you saw his still messy hair, you were just glad to see him.

Though, you’d never admit it. Instead, it showed through the way you were tightening around his cock, panting as he moaned into and out your body. Shigaraki very quickly wrapped his arms around you, both of you on the edge.

“Fuck— Shigaraki. Cum, cum for mommy, okay?” You ordered, Shigaraki more than ready to fulfill it.

“Ah, thank you! Thank you, mommy! I’m gonna cum inside you!” Both of you rided out your highs, Shigaraki filling you so much it started to drip outside your full cunt.

He fell on top of you despite you initially being on top, you wanted to scold him but honestly couldn’t bring yourself to right now.

The room quieted down, the only words being exchanged were by Shigaraki softly muttering “Thank you, mommy.” into your neck

[dreamteamspace]

They really went there huh

/rp (good lord I rly hyperfixated on this essay huh)

torture tw, abuse tw, manipulation tw, gaslighting tw

So the Dream SMP built a character, once maybe morally gray, who slipped straight into villany with little to no desire to change, and willing to cause a LOT of pain to get his way. Despite this, he doesn’t question what he does enough to stop, justifying his actions with a good intent that doesn’t come close to justifying what he’s done.

C!Dream is unremorseful of what he’s done, he’s quite literally manipulated and gaslit (like actually, not in the way everyone keeps throwing the word around) c!Tommy, almost drove him to take his last life- like, jesus christ. That’s not even to mention blowing up L’Manburg three times, encouraging c!Wilbur, wanting the discs JUST to have power over c!Tommy, etc.

SO, he gets thrown in a box for it so he doesn’t hurt anybody anymore, making his own hubris his downfall (narrative consequence my beloved). This leads us to a good finale - the bad guy, the person who’s caused objectively the most pain and destruction, is now unable to do so anymore, taken down by the person whom he tried to weaken. It is also revealed he was planning on blackmailing and threatening pretty much everyone, but now everyone gets their stuff back.

Good, right?

Especially for the finale, yeah! The message of the finale is good, c!Tommy manages to escape his abuser with nothing more but his clothes on his back and fights his way back to c!Tubbo and his home.

He doesn’t let his trauma (which is still very present!) let him become a terrible person (arguably the way that c!Dream DID let his frustrations make him a terrible person, c!Tommy, despite bearing quite a heavy weight, recognizes when he begins to turn that way and actively works against it).

It shows that while alone, c!Tubbo and c!Tommy were outfought by Dream, but because c!Tommy went the length to ask for help (which he didn’t even really seem to be relying on actually showing up), he wins! It truly is a good message.

C!Tommy escapes his abuser and manipulator, refuses and fights his trauma to not become someone he doesn’t want to be, and defeats his abuser by asking for help and receiving it, even more than he thought he’d get. He refuses to play c!Dream’s “game”, refuses till the very last moment to let c!Tubbo die, to surrender and say goodbye to him.

So, great! Good finale! C!Dream The Villain is boxed like a fish in a prison of, quite literally, his own making. It sent a good message to people. C!Tommy wasn’t expected to forgive him and did, in fact, axe him down twice, causing c!Dream to finally fall from his high horse.

Most media would stop at this point, say the villain is now defeated and never show them again, or have them come back another one or two seasons later, escaped and seemingly unharmed and worse than ever.

Alternatively, there’s a throwaway line, (or, in good media, a genuine, reasonable backstory, complete with remorse and bad role models and complicated situations), that allows the villain to be redeemed.

In GOOD redemption arcs (See: Zuko from avatar tbh), the villain was already never quite as heartless, or stressed their good intent, or felt remorse for what they felt they “had to do”. Then, ideally, the villain takes a looooong time adjusting their habits, regretting their actions and changing until they’re considered redeemed.

Not on the Dream SMP, though.

They don’t stop at c!Dream’s defeat.

He doesn’t dissapear off-screen and is never spoken of again. His life continues on, everyone’s does, just like it would in reality. He doesn’t magically want to become a better person, far from it. So no redemption. But he doesn’t dissapear, either.

They go on to, slowly, stress how awful the conditions in Pandora’s Vault are. c!Bad says c!Dream should be imprisoned, but at least at slightly better conditions. We’re in very VERY morally gray territorry here. Nobody says c!Dream is a good person, of course not, but even c!Bad - who knows Dream was planning on keeping c!Skeppy in a cage to control him with - goes, “yeah, he should stay boxed, but does he really need to like... suffer suffer?”

Still, c!Dream seems to be kindof inconsistent in his behavior. Is he faking his pain? Is he not? His actions don’t fully make sense for either take. He acts differently to each person, but at the same time some things he does don’t make sense if he were just fishing for pity.

Then c!Sam admits to trying (and thinking he succeeded) to “break Dream’s will”, to quite literally starving him for weeks.

Okay, so now we’re a step further. C!Dream is now suffering even more, although already boxed and unable to hurt anyone. Pandora’s Vault is one thing, but now c!Sam just seems to be out for revenge and nothing more. Instead of spending his time with c!Tommy, he spends his time pickaxing(?) c!Dream.

C!Sam isn’t an angel, and we should all know that by now. He does what he thinks is right, but he’s deeper than that, all characters on the DSMP are.

He cares deeply for the Badlands, and would always choose them above anybody else. He’s a capitalist. He built the prison because it would benefit the Badlands resource-wise, despite knowing Dream would probably use it on his enemies, and it was no secret that ALL members of L’Manburg, especially c!Tommy, are his enemies. C!Sam, undoubtedly, knew that. He still built it.

Arguably, he didn’t know about c!Dream’s attachment obsession at the time, but the point still stands.

People have already latched onto the untold story happening between c!Dream and c!Sam, and frankly, we barely know enough about it. Does c!Sam torture him regularly? Do they talk? Does c!Dream try to verbally fight back? CAN he fight back? We don’t know! We’ve gotten proof for both, between c!Sam saying that c!Dream is terrifying even in prison and c!Dream going silent to go on strike. We don’t have enough of an idea how bad or how good it truly is.

So the people who prefer to humanize c!Dream and explore morality imagine c!Sam to downright torture him, people that prefer to see c!Dream as nothing but evil due to his actions imagine prison on the DSMP to not be equivalent to real life prison, and thus nowhere near as torturous as people are making it out to be.

Now all that is thrown out the window as c!Quackity quite literally tortures him.

So now the internet is faced with a question that, judging by some of the impulsive reactions *cough cough* celebrating torture *cough*, it didn’t turn out to be ready for.

Tell me.

How far do we go?

C!Dream hurt a LOT of people. He did a lot of things that caused irreparable damage. Now what? Do we torture him forever? Why? Because he deserves it? How do we determine that without comparing one kind of pain to another?

It’s custom and kindof generally respectful not to compare people’s pain too accurately, because different things vary greatly in severity depending on the person that experiences them.

At what point do we say he’s suffered enough without comparing exile to the prison?

And if we DO compare, does that even make the question easier to answer?

And if he’s never suffered enough ever, killing them would be a mercy...

At what point has a person done enough damage that they “deserve” to die? What if someone only did half of the things c!Dream did. But if c!Dream gets infinite punishment, and half of infinity is still infinity, do they ALSO deserve endless suffering?

Do you think every person that did something you can’t emphasize with deserves to suffer for eternity and die?

I’m not saying we SHOULD emphasize with c!Dream. He did things we cannot justify, that NOTHING can justify. He did things that were, by their nature, unjustified.

I’m also not saying anybody should forgive him. I think it’s a GOOD thing that c!Tommy doesn’t want nor is narratively pushed to forgive c!Dream.

But c!Dream doesn’t need c!Tommy’s forgiveness to be... a person.

There’s a saying that I’m sure you know, that goes “I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.”, because there’s things you wouldn’t want any human being to experience. Not because you like them, not cause you think they’re right, but because they’re human.

And perhaps this is my personal opinion, but I don’t think c!Dream being a bad person justifies dehumanizing him, because then we get into an area where someone needs to meet criteria just to be human.

-

I met someone once, whom, because of outside circumstances I knew I probably wouldn’t meet again. We’d been getting along just fine for people who just met, and were both getting into an interesting discussion about morality. They kept insisting upon something I kept refuting, so they said they needed to get something off their chest.

They proceeded to tell me that they had, years ago, while a teen, manipulated someone in a relationship, pushed boundaries and tried to convince them to do things they didn’t really want to do to get what they wanted.

They cried, while telling me, too terrified to tell anybody they know, terrified nobody would ever speak to them again, insanely regretful of their actions. They didn’t know whether to go back and apologize or just stay as far away as humanly possible, didn’t know which one the right thing to do is.

It had been years, by then, and I talked them through it. I said that what they did was bad, and there’s no going around that. But I also said what I saw, which is someone who would never do something like that ever again. I saw a human being. Someone who regrets a mistake they did and now, after enough time has passed, would do anything to make it undone.

Someone who is too terrified to be close to anybody in fear that they would do it again. I don’t remember if they already went to therapy or not, but it was definitly on the table, or in the near future.

They asked me how I could possibly even keep talking to them after they told me all that. They implied they felt like some kind of monster despite literally chocking back tears, firmly convinced they don’t deserve to be close to anybody in their life ever again.

I never swerved from the fact that what they did was wrong, and harmful. But I also told them they’re human. The universe isn’t keeping score. They want to be a better person now, and they were never going to learn how if they never let themselves be close to anybody.

I told them to seek therapy, and to slowly, carefully, try. Assured them that the fact that they regret it so strongly will at least help them in not falling back into the same pattern, and if they do, they can learn to recognize that.

They thanked me after the conversation, genuinely, especially for the fact that I didn’t sugarcoat what happened, because I know otherwise it would’ve felt like I was lying, like I was just sparing their feelings. I wasn’t. I was thinking about how to make sure they get to live without hurting anybody.

As per the circumstances, we didn’t speak again after that, which we knew basicly from the very start.

-

I still think about that conversation a lot.

Do you think they should’ve been locked up for life after it happened, instead?

Do you think this real human being, that I spoke to, that took years to realize their mistake - and never would have realized it if they hadn’t had the time to, if they’d been killed right afterwards - deserves to suffer forever?

Let me tell you something, from someone who’s been in more than one abusive situation: People that hurt you are human.

That doesn’t mean you have to forgive them. That doesn’t mean you have to like them. That doesn’t mean you have to make an effort to understand them. That doesn’t mean you need to go anywhere near them ever again.

You can hate them. You can be angry at them. You can (and should) go as far away from them as possible, and/or defend yourself.

But that doesn’t mean you have to dehumanize them.

You’re allowed to hate and dislike people that are human, because you’re human, especially if they hurt you. That’s how life is.

And to go back to my original point - c!Quackity torturing c!Dream is not something that should be celebrated.

There’s a difference between necessary measures (locking c!Dream up so he doesn’t hurt anyone), and torturing people for fun.

It’s not right. It’s never going to be right, and do not justify literal torture on human beings, and do not make someone lower-than-human to justify torturing them.

Taking revenge on someone for what they did tenfold is romanticized, I know, but I promise you it’s not actually as cool as it sounds.

[writers-block246]

Hellooo, LOVE LOVE LOVEEE your work! Especially the Dialogue Prompt w Jason Todd. Can you please do a Jason Todd angsty fic? Like there's a lot of sexual tension and denial and stuff but Jason's hellbent on getting her back and they kiss and then a lil bit bow chika bow bow? Or you can do anything that's angsty but ends with his lips on hers. Thanksies <3

OMG THANK YOU SM!! I hope this is at least kind of what you wanted, and I’m so sorry for the late response! I’ve been super busy with work :(

Notes: Italics are thoughts and emphasis

Y/N/N = your nickname

Warnings: Angst, Slightly Manipulative Behavior, Suggestive Themes

——————————————————————————

“We talked about this.”

He continued to take his gear off without sparing you a glance, making it clear that he was ignoring you.

“Jason.”

Still no response.

“Jason.”

Huffing, he turned to face you. “What?”

You took a breath, hoping to calm yourself. “You heard me.”

Scoffing, he replied: “I’m not having this conversation with you again.”

“The fuck you aren’t. You said you were done killing.”

“I know what I said, but that doesn’t mean that bastard didn’t deserve it,” he calmly stated.

At this point, you were seething. His nonchalant attitude just proved to piss you off.

How could he act like this wasn’t a big deal?

“So, in other words, you were lying.”

He crossed his arms over his chest, and his face darkened. “I didn’t lie. It was a one-time thing.”

You gave a bitter laugh. “That’s what you said the last time.”

He slammed his hand down on the desk next to him, making you jump back slightly from the noise. “You know what? I don’t fucking regret killing any of them. They’re bad people, Y/N.” With that, he turned on his heel and headed toward the bedroom.

Fuck him. His words caused anger to boil in your veins, and you stomped after him.

“That’s what fucking prison is for, Jason.”

He gave an unamused chuckle. “That shit doesn’t work, and you know it just as well as I do. Killing those crooks keeps them down. It’s a permanent solution to the problem.”

“And when the fuck did you become judge, jury, and executioner?” At this point, you were yelling and you couldn’t help it.

“I’m doing what the old man couldn’t,” he yelled back.

“This isn’t about Batman. This is about you. This is about you going back on what you promised me.”

Stalking closer to you, he snarled: “What the fuck do you want from me?”

Looking up to meet his gaze, you faltered slightly. His teal blue eyes were blazing, and you found his height, usually so comforting, to be intimidating.

You cleared your throat and made yourself stand taller. “I want you to be honest with me.”

“Why? So you can fucking judge me? I knew I wasn’t good enough for you.”

Tears filled your eyes as you became increasingly more frustrated. “That’s not what I said, Jason, and you know it.”

“Yeah, whatever. You might as well have,” he growled.

Your shoulders sagged, and your face crumbled as the fight seemed to have left your body. You felt so tired. Frankly, you were just done-completely and utterly done.

Moving past him, you silently began to gather your things into a bag.

“What the fuck are you doing?” He questioned hotly.

“What does it look like I’m doing, Jason? I’m fucking leaving.”

He stilled, and fear settled over his face. “Why?” he scoffed, “Because of one little fight? You have to be kidding me!”

You laughed mirthlessly. “It’s never one little fight with you, Jason. I can’t do this anymore.”

His heart sped up and he felt like he was going to hyperventilate.

No. No. No. You were going to leave him. The person he loves the most was no longer going to be in his life.

“Baby, you don’t mean that.” He made to reach out to you, but you stepped out of his reach.

You had never tried to escape his grasp before. In fact, you always leaned into his touch. How could he fuck up this bad? How was he supposed to fix this?

Your heart cracked at the falter in his voice and the hitch in his breath.

“Y/N, please. Let’s talk this out,” he pleaded. Coming up behind you, he slowly wrapped his arms around your waist. His touch was so familiar, so comforting, that you couldn’t help but allow him to hold you. Pressing kisses to the nape of your neck, he pulled you closer.

You sighed. I’m so weak for him.

“Sweetheart, please. I’ll be better. I’ll-I’ll stop killing. For real this time. I’ll treat you how you deserve to be treated. Just give me one more chance, Y/N/N.”

You were silent for a few moments, contemplating. You loved him dearly, and desperately did not want to let him go. Your heart ached just at the thought of it. “Okay, Jason, but no more breaking promises.”

He sighed in relief, and it felt like the weight of the world was lifted off of his shoulders. “Thank you, babygirl.”

Pulling away from him slightly, you said: “I want to hear you say it.”

“Say what?”

“That you won’t break anymore promises. I want-no I need- to hear you say it.”

“Okay. I won’t break anymore promises,” he stated determinedly.

He turned you in his arms and cradled you to his chest. He rubbed his hands up and down your back, and you couldn’t help but relax against him. One of his hands came up to your head, sifting his fingers through your hair, making your eyes flutter closed.

“Babygirl.”

“Yes, Jaybird?”

“Look at me, sweetheart.”

Shifting your eyes to meet his, you smiled when he gently cupped your cheek in his large hand.

Leaning down, he softly pressed his lips to yours. Slowly, you brought your hands up to grasp his dark locks, giving a content hum. He reached down and wrapped his strong fingers around your thighs, lifting you and causing you to wrap your legs around his waist as he made his way to your bed. The kisses you shared were smile-filled, making giggles erupt from your lips.

- Admin Cheyenne :)

[vegan-peppermint]

What happened last night? part 2

Pairing: Sirius Black x Reader

Fandom: Harry Potter- Marauders Era

Chapter summery: The Gryffindors party got a little wild last night. You confront Sirius about what happened between you two.

Genre: fluff, angst, smut

Warnings: mentions of sexual interaction, mentions of hints of rape?

word count; 1.7 k

Part 1 part 3

Masterlist

Buy me a coffee

 After an agonizing lesson you couldn’t wait but ask Sirius about last night. Just the thought of you doing something inappropriate with one of your best friends, not to mention while being passed out drunk, made you very uncomfortable. Oh, God, if you can’t even remember because of how much you had to drink, you don’t want to imagine how sloppy the sex could’ve been.  Definitely, your memories of your make-out session were under the pink filter of alcohol poisoning. You could only hope he had been just as drunk as you.

 While everyone was packing you hurried and grabbed Sirius by his hand.

“A word, Black?” you didn’t even wait for an answer and just dragged him out of the classroom.

“Oh do I love it when you take control, doll!” he said loud enough for the whole goddamn school to hear.

“Sirius, I’m not joking”

 “Me neither. Honestly!” he gave you the most genuine smile. You ignored his snarly attitude and didn’t stop walking. “Where are you taking me? Was it all too good last night?” he stopped putting his hands on your sides. “So good you just have to have me right now. Oh, and in the school’s hallway on top of everything!” his eyes measured you up and down making you feel so embarrassed. “Such a dirty girl, are we not?”

 “Oh my GOD, Sirius! Can you please, please just drop it?” you said desperately. And it looked as if he was truly considering this until his side mouth arched into the most arrogant smirk you have ever seen.

 “I love it when you beg.”

 You just stared at him blankly. He was just a lost cause, wasn’t he? Just looking at you so innocently with his puppy eyes, mocking you about God knows what you did. All of this as if he did not just literally punch a slytherin last night just because he talked to you? The nerve of some people.

 “Sirius,” you lowered your voice nervously looking around. He picked on and came closer to you. “I don’t really remember that much.” You admitted awkwardly. “I remember us, uhm” you shot him a quick look before nervously turning your eyes to your shoes. “I remember us on the stairs.”

 His expression seemed serious for a change. He looked like he was actually listening to you as if he was interested in how you actually felt about last night. He removed his hands from your arms which made you feel a bit more relaxed.

 “It is all blurry though-“

Sirius cupped your face making you whimper.

“It takes me everything not to fuck you senseless right now”

“It takes me everything not to beg you to do it.”

“Some parts are less blurry than others.” You continued finally daring to look at him. His jaw was clenched and his eyes were watching you very, very carefully.

 “I just wanted to say I was very drunk, and I am sorry if I did something that overstepped your boundaries, and I- Uhm, and I-“, his expression looked so worried, maybe even scared? Yet his vulnerability didn’t make you braver, no. If anything it only made you more anxious. “I just wanted to say that I probably did some very inappropriate stuff and I don’t know if you remember-“

 “God, I remember” he spoke clearly. “I did not stop remembering since it happened.”

 You felt your stomach fall all five stories beneath you. Sirius seemed to feel the same yet he never for once broke eye-contact.

 “I made a total dick out of myself last night, shouting at you and punching that Slytherin, and yet here you are. Here you are apologizing? You are apologizing to me? For overstepping my boundaries? MY boundaries?” his laugh hinted some sadness, you didn’t dare to assume it was shame. “I was aggressive and jealous over nothing. You were drunk, so much drunker than me and I saw that.” He looked to the side maybe sorting his thoughts. “I still didn’t stop. I was such a dick last night. I do not deserve your apology. If anything I am sorry I let it happen.”

 You remained silent. What on earth were you supposed to say? You didn’t really think about it but now that he said it like this… You really were vulnerable last night. You feel quite strange realizing that you did some things with Sirius that you no longer remember. But he does. He knew you were much drunker than him yet he didn’t stop. You did not know what to say and you thought you never will.

 “What else happened last night?” you whispered softly.

 “What do you mean?”

 “After the stairs,” you looked up at him. “what happened after?”

 Sirius looked at you confused.

 “Nothing! You passed out and I just put you to bed, I swear!” he stepped back. “God, Y/N, you thought something more happened?”

You stared at him.

“I mean you DID make it sound as if it was more?” you asked confused.

 “Y/N! I’m not a rapist!” he looked really hurt which amused you rather. He looked at you very concerned at lowered his voice. “I am so sorry I ever made you feel as if I could do something like that.”

 Well, it explains why you can’t remember anything past that moment. You were relieved that you finally remembered the night and nothing too wild happened. You were not mad at Sirius making out with you last night. The memories were kinda hot and it was something you always secretly wanted to do. However, you couldn’t help but savor Sirius’ guilt. He made fun of you all morning, this serves him right up you would say.

“I don’t think I can forgive you, Sirius.” You swore you could see him wince. “Really.”

 “Y/N, I am so, so sorry. I understand any decision you will make but-“

 “Silence!” you tried your best not to laugh. “You know, in my culture after basically invading me like that you would be obliged to marry me.”

 Sirius was startled, he clearly was so lost.

”In your what now?”

 “Honestly, how would I seem in the public eye?”

 “The public eye?” he repeated blankly.

 “Precisely. You have no choice but to marry me. After that encounter how could another man even look at me?”

 Sirius took a deep breath and started to massage his temples. It took him some time before coming back with the pretentious shit-eating grin you grew to love.

 “Unfortunately, I cannot marry you. You are not beautiful, do not have any wealth and, quite frankly, you are short”

  “The best you got?” You giggled.

 “Ah, ah, ah!” he interrupted you. “However! Because I am so generous-“

 “And kind” you added.

 “And kind.” He completed. He came closer this time, eyes sparkling. “I shall take you on one (he raised one finger as if to be more clear), one date to Madam Puddifoot's Tea Shop.”

“Puddifoot's Tea Shop?” you questioned teasingly. “That’s quite romantic, Black. I don’t think I’ll be able to restrict myself to only one date after that.”

 “Then I’ll have no other choice than to take you on more.” He smiled, and for the first time, you saw his smile. No disrespectful snigger or smugly smirk, just his smile. This made you realized he was serious.

 You stopped grinning and glared at him. Was he genuinely asking you on a date? The infamous Sirius goddamn Black, with who you had a drunk make-out session last night had the audacity (THE AUDACITY) to ask you on a fucking date?

 “What?” you asked abruptly. He looked fascinated at your lips then back at your eyes before bursting out laughing which only made your cheeks burn. You felt so stupid for believing this prick. “Whatever, Black. I’ll go to my next class, you should do. Can’t afford to lose more points.” You spurted rushing past him, eyesight in the ground. You prayed he wouldn’t notice your embarrassment but you knew very well it was written all over your stupid lobster face.  

“Hey, hey wait, doll!” he caught your arm squeezing it just enough to make you think of his grip in other circumstances. “You did not tell me when we are going on our date.” He chuckled realizing you won’t dare answer again. “I was thinking Saturday, after Quidditch?” he raised an eyebrow scanning your expression which only made you look somewhere behind him. You waited a little for the punchline but it never came. You glanced at Sirius again before nodding. He raised his eyebrows quickly before smiling widely. You never noticed how sharp his canines were before.

 “See you Saturday!” he said before waving and walking away. He walked like the biggest stick was up his ass and you could only burst out laughing. What the fuck did just happen?

//Okay so it was kinda rushed, I’m sorry. I was just so excited to post this chapter that I rushed through the story line :((

The next chapters will not be named “what happened last night” (for obvious reasons) but will be the same story line. I will put a master list in the description as soon as I figure out how to do that.//

[jimlingss]

The Art of Benefits

➜ Words: 9.8k

➜ Genres: 50% Fluff, 50% Smut, FWB!AU

➜ Summary: There's only one aspect of your life that's missing: sex. But you know yourself. You catch feelings as quickly as you catch colds. But when your friend arranges a meeting with a certain Park Jimin, you'll become inclined to learn the craft of detachment, aka. the art of benefits.

➜ Warning: sex, sexual discussions, toys, sucking dick, period sex, etc.

cr.

[2nd Year Fall Semester]   Life as a sophomore wasn’t shabby.   Assignments, papers and midterms came and went with decent grades that you eventually forgot about. Lectures, club meetings, and studying took most of your time too. But Christmas was arriving and that meant it was sweater weather. It also meant that snow was dusting from the sky and you were watching couples cozying up and keeping each other warm from across the dining center.   It was unfair really. You were cold too. In fact, most of the time you happen to be cold. And while relationships were too much of a time commitment for you to take on, you deserved a cuddle buddy just as much as the next person. Or a fuck buddy. Either works really.   You’ve never been opposed to a friends with benefits relationship.    The only problem is, it would never work for you.   But if you somehow learnt to detach your emotions, it could be the most efficient thing yet. After all, good sex with another warm body was the only aspect in your life that you were missing.   “I mean it’s possible. A lot of people start friends with benefits relationships on campus,” Wendy says as she stuffs her face with her sub sandwich and muses mid-chew, “There’s actually a lot of candidates to choose from.”   You’re exasperated at her nonchalance. As if it’s as easy as going to the supermarket and picking someone up. “Who?!”    You need someone who would be on the same page as you, with the same priorities, a good sex partner who wouldn’t catch feelings either. But frankly, you don’t know that many people.    “Well, what about that guy from your class that you were crushing on? Didn’t you say he was super smart? Might help you on your assignments too.”   “Namjoon?” You shake your head. “He’s got a girlfriend.”   “Okay. What about that older guy in your board games club?”   “No. Seokjin’s graduating next semester.”   Wendy hums, eyes flickering around the dining hall center as she contemplates. “How about Yoongi? From what you’ve told me, he seems pretty cool.”   You loll your head to one side and stab your sweet and sour chicken. “I’m not going to sleep with someone from work. That sounds like a disaster waiting.”   “Jungkook?”   “That’s weird. We went to the same elementary school together.” You can still remember his bowl cut hair as clear as day, and not to mention, the two of you share a group of friends. If things go downhill, it would be a complete mess. The epitome of inefficiency. Which is counterproductive to your goal.   “Taehyung?” At this point, Wendy’s just listing out random people that you know, but you play along just for amusement.   “Nah. Yena has a crush on him.”   She takes another clean bite of her sandwich. “What about that guy that works at that McDonalds that you find cute. What’s his name? Hugo? Howard?”   “Hoseok,” you correct with a feigned glare that makes her smile. “And that’s a big fat no. He doesn’t even know I exist. What am I supposed to do? Waltz up to him and ask to be fuck buddies?”   She grins. “Well, I mean—”   “It wouldn’t work,” you deadpan before she laughs and in turn, makes you giggle too.   The chatter of the room settles in your ears as background noise. You gaze out the window to the sparkling snow piles that reflect the lampposts soft, white light. The sun has long fallen even though it’s only six p.m. The low lights peeking through the somber clouds covering the horizon does little. You dread the thought of having to venture out into the cold and catch the bus home.   You don’t notice how Wendy’s looking at you while she sips on her water. Not until she hums. “You know what? I know someone I could hook you up with.”   Your brow cocks and the corner of your mouth twitches. “Is he a fuckboy?”   Your long time friend shrugs with a glint in her eyes that makes you unsure if she’s serious or not. Wendy once joked that she had a boyfriend from Northern Canada and convinced you hard enough that you legitimately believed her for a good month. So you can never be quite certain when it comes to her. For all you know, she could just be making it up to entertain you.   “Sort of, but he’s a nice one.” Wendy stays vague. “He was my lab partner.”   You stare at her and when her expression remains blank, you scoff. “Sure, sure,” you draw out the syllables with a small laugh and bat the air with your hand just to end the conversation.   And when it’s never discussed again, Wendy moving on to tell you a story about something she suddenly remembers, you’d one day come to realize that was a terrible, terrible mistake.   //   That one day is now.   3:50pm. Wendy: hey i set up a meeting what that guy 3:50pm. Wendy: third floor library  3:50pm. Wendy: he’s in a red hat btw   The text comes right when you’re leaving your last lecture of the day.   3:51pm. Y/N: what guy   3:53pm. Wendy: your future fwb   3:53pm. Y/N: ?????????????????????????????????/ 3:53pm. Y/N: ???????????????? 3:54pm. Y/N: wtf i wasn’t SERIOUS   3:54pm. Wendy: wat   3:54pm. Y/N: I THOUGHT YOU WERE JOKING   3:56pm. Wendy: lmao too late 3:56pm. Wendy: at least meet him he’s waiting sis   3:54pm. Y/N: can’t you cancel?????????   3:57pm. Wendy: n a h   You nearly burst an artery in your temple at the emojis and memes she spams to you.   3:59pm. Wendy: I already told him the gist btw 4:00pm. Wendy: don’t chicken out   With no other choice, you make a u-turn and head towards the library with too many thoughts swirling inside your brain. Chances are this stranger is going to see you, think you’re ugly as shit and try to back out of it. It’s going to be awkward as all hell and you’re not sure you’re ready to have this traumatizing memory for the rest of your life.   Then again, you wonder how Wendy even convinced this dude to meet up. If he’s really that easy going. If this is a typical thing people do now. Or maybe Wendy showed a picture of you on your insta and he agreed afterwards — it wouldn’t be the first time she did that, much to your embarrassment. But you hope it’s the latter case. At least that eliminates the possibility of him trying to backpedal his way out of it after seeing your face.   You also wonder how the hell you’re going to find him. The library is full of students, the rowdy ones and the studious ones being disturbed by them. You wonder what he looks like, what he’ll be like. Third floor. Male. Red hat.   You arrive at the appropriate floor and begin scanning the premise, walking around as your eyes sweep the area. Almost immediately you catch a brunette hunched over and on his phone by the table. He’s wearing a red cap on backwards, purple tee shirt. He has a frat boy aesthetic.   Not really the type you go for.   Looking over him, you round the computers, bookshelves and tables. But finding no one else with a red hat on the third floor, you sharply inhale and approach the boy with his fluffy cheek rested in his hand, arm propped up on the table lazily. Scrolling through his phone.   “Excuse me.”    Your voice is light and hesitant as if you were asking help from someone at the front desk and not seeing if this was a potential fuck buddy. It’s mortifying to say the least.   His head lifts, brown eyes catching the lights.   You clear your throat. “Wendy…”   “Oh. You’re her, right?” He smiles and thankfully, doesn’t seem to be disappointed. “Wendy’s friend?”   “Yeah. I’m Y/N.”   “Jimin.”   Now that you get a closer look, he’s kind of cute. But you don’t dwell. Or look him in the eye.   It feels like a job interview. But worse. “You were Wendy’s lab partner?”   “That’s me.” He pockets his phone. “I’m a kines major. You?”   “I’m in the arts faculty. Political science.”   “Cool, cool.” Jimin nods and then gets to business without any shame, “So Wendy already told me about it. You’re looking to have a friends with benefits relationship?”   “Yeah….about that….”   “I’m down if you are.” His hand opens up, gesturing to you. You’re not sure how you feel about how laid-back he is, but he remains upfront which you suppose is the right thing to do. “I have a dorm room in the Sierra building by the engineering faculty building if you know where that is.”   “I’ve walked past it before.”   “Cool. Anyway, my last f.w.b. ended two months ago and I kind of miss it,” he quickly clarifies, “The sex, I mean.”   You’re speechless and contemplating if you really want to do this. You know if it works out, it’ll be fairly efficient. You’ve always gotten off by yourself and while it works, it’s not something you’d call completely satisfying. Having someone’s help— good help — is a change you’ve been considering. But a friends with benefits situation has always been one of those ‘what if’ scenarios. You've just never had an opportunity like this to make it actually happen.   Jimin senses your hesitance and leans forward. He lowers his volume. “Are you a virgin? Cause I’m cool with—”   You scoff. “No. I’m not. I just...haven’t done something like this before.”   “Friends with benefits?” His question is answered by your body language. “It’s not bad. Safer than one night stands and more consistent too. You don’t have to go out and find someone every time you want to have sex. And it’s a low level commitment.”   The corner of your mouth pulls and you agree. “It’s efficient. But...I need time to think about it.”   “Sure. Tell me when you make up your mind. I’ll give you my number.” He opens his hand again and you pass him your phone. He quickly types it in. “Take your time.”   //   And you do.   You weigh the pros and cons against each other, considering every possibility and all the consequences. Part of you wants to just go for it. The same part that once decided in high school at midnight that bangs would be a hot look on you. (It wasn’t). The part of you that dyed your hair blue that one summer on a whim. The part that doesn’t want to think and wants to jump head first into things. Jimin made a lot of good pointers too and you’re certain this would be a good outlet. An experience. It helps that he’s quite attractive too and seems to be trustworthy and rational.   Yet, part of you wonders if it would be a bad decision.   There’s a chance that you might catch feelings. For you, it wouldn’t be unheard of either. You have a tendency to catch feelings as fast as you catch colds. And you already know that’s the demise of these kinds of relationships. Once a party gets involved too deep, it’s game over. There’s nothing but heartbreak.   The only way it would work is if you minimize your interactions with him.   The less attached you are, the less likely you are to develop feelings for him since the only way you would like anyone is if you knew them. So the less you know, the better the outcome.    It’s an equation.    It’s the art of the benefits.   And if that works, if you master the art, it would solve every potential issue.   The dorms for sophomores are bigger than the ones for first year freshmen. Instead of a single room with two beds on either side by the walls, there are private bedrooms with just a shared bathroom, a main living space and kitchen.    “Bathrooms are over here,” Jimin gestures. There’s one room at the end of the hall and another one beside his. “Both my roommates are out, so you don’t have to worry. They’re pretty nice.”   You feel awkward lingering at the entryway with your backpack on.   You clear your throat. “Can I get a drink?”   “Oh yeah. There’s new water bottles by the sink, I think, and there’s orange juice in the fridge if you’d like.”   “No, I mean, do you have anything alcoholic?” you correct and he blinks at you owlishly before smiling. You drop your bag and find it in the fridge, a whole vodka bottle. You fill a shot up with a glass on the drying rack. The clear liquid burns as it travels to the back of your throat. The bitter taste nearly makes you gag, but you feel your face warm and you ease even more, knowing it works.   In the meanwhile, Jimin studies you, standing from across the kitchen island. His hands are casually dug into the pockets of his gray sweats. “We won’t have to follow through with this, you know. I’m fine either way.”   “No,” you quickly refute, irrationally afraid he’s changed his mind. And the words spill out of you as you cringe, “I’m horny as shit, I’mjustnervous.”   The guy smiles, eyes slightly crinkled when he does so. “Of what?”   “A lot of things.” You don’t pour a second shot even though you kind of want to. But you have things to do tomorrow, so you can’t nurse a hangover and you most certainly don’t want to be drunk while doing this. “If you didn’t notice, I don’t do this often.”   While you’re at it, you tell him, “I don’t know how to suck dick.”   He leans against the counter, grinning. “Okay. I don’t mind.”   “Also, if you haven’t noticed either, my ass is kind of deflated.”   Jimin shrugs. “I’m more of a boob man anyway.”    You narrow your eyes, not sure if he’s lying or trying to make you feel better.   But there’s no time to dwell when he seriously asks— “Do you still want to do this?”   It takes a second for you to muster your courage. And once you do, you know you won’t back down. “All right. Let’s do this!” You walk into his room like you’re about to go fight off a monster.   Behind you, Jimin grins and it takes a good moment for him to calm you down.   “Are you okay with kissing?” he asks, door shut and distance closed. He’s intimately close and you nod.   Finally, your brain stops overthinking and you let yourself feel. Jimin’s lips are full and plush, and they’re good against yours. The soft smacking fills his room. The two of you kiss until your lips part and he begins to lick into your mouth, tongue entering without much hesitation.   You fall back onto the mattress, noticing that the bed’s been made sloppily, but better than your own. The pair of you keep kissing and he hovers over you, capturing you against the sheets. Pathetically enough, you already begin to feel your center throbbing and it’s a relief when you both get rid of your clothes.   He doesn’t talk much — doesn’t give much commentary or even dirty talk. But you don’t mind. All you’re offering after all is soft sighs and quiet moans.   Jimin squeezes your breasts and fingers you for a good minute. He’s surprised to see how wet you are, even letting out an ‘oh shit’, but you make no efforts to come up with an excuse. The stretch feels good from his thick fingers, but you bet it’ll feel good around his girthy cock too.   He goes to grab a condom from his drawer, but pauses.   “Do...you want me to eat you out?”   “I’m good,” you politely decline, afraid it might be too intimate. You’re not sure where the lines are drawn, but it’s something you’ll have to gauge while you go. “Do you want me to suck your dick? You might have to teach me though.”   The corner of his mouth tugs. “I’m good too.”   As Jimin rips open the condom package, you turn yourself around and get onto all fours. He doesn’t protest and when he enters you, it feels good enough for you to fall forward into the pillows. His cock is of average size, but he’s girthy and your cunt stretches to accommodate him.   He groans in his throat when you clench — and the sound gets you off, making you squeeze again. Jimin pounds into you, his pelvis hitting the meat of your ass, cock drawing in and out against your tight, warm walls. You do your best to meet his thrusts halfway, jerking your hips back and you stifle your moans with your teeth sunk into your bottom lip. The sloppy sounds of slapping and the creaking of his bed makes you glad his roommates are gone. And while the sex is not mind-blowing per se, it’s still good. Enough that you climax once he rubs your clit several times and he unloads into the condom too.   It’s easier than you thought it would be. Not a big deal whatsoever. It took ten minutes in total and it felt good.   It’s just sex — and that’s exactly it. Just sex. The very lesson of the art of benefits.   You pick up your clothes off the floor, slipping them back on. “I gotta get going.”   There’s no snuggling, no cuddling, no pillow talks. And it doesn’t seem like he minds whatsoever.   “‘Kay.” Jimin picks up his phone off his bedside table to check his texts and waves goodbye without even looking at you.   You leave, walking yourself out and humming as you stride down the hall.    You’re glad you went through with it.

[2nd Year Winter Semester]   You run there with your sandwich stuffed in your cheek.   By the time Jimin opens the door, you’re still chewing while panting. It’s a comical sight by the way he smiles at you. You’re already winded before anything’s started. “I hadn’t eaten yet and I needed to get my blood sugar up.”   Jimin’s lips are quirked. “We can always eat beforehand, you know. There’s food in the fridge.”   “Nah, I’m good.” Having meals with your friends with benefits is the last thing on your mind.   He shrugs. “Suit yourself.”   You use his bathroom, releasing your bladder and rinsing your mouth thoroughly. You know yourself and you’re not a novice on how these relationships work. The less interaction and knowledge you have about him, the more you can keep your distance.   “G-God,” he exhales shakingly, hand fisted in your hair. “You’re getting b-better at this….”   Jimin watches through heavy lids as you’re slobbering over his cock. He tries his best to watch, but when you run your tongue over the weeping slit at the bulborous head, his eyes shut and his head naturally knocks back. You’ve gotten better at a lot of things in the few months that have passed, namely sucking dick, but your jaw aches and you wonder when he’s going to cum.   It’s worth it though. You might be the one kneeling in front of him, but you feel powerful. It’s too easy to make him crumble. To make him moan like that. It makes you wet to hear him and knowing you could bite off his dick or make him lose a load, the sheer power eggs you on.   Like you were taught, you inhale, ease your muscles and take Jimin as far as you can.   He chokes as his cock hits the back of your throat. Your gag reflexes threaten your endeavour but you keep them at bay and Jimin’s hand in your hair tightens. Especially when you swallow.   “Fuck. I-I’m going to cum.”   Thank god. Finally!   Usually, you let off so he can cum elsewhere (god forbid in your hair) or if he accidentally does it in your mouth, you spit it out on tissue. But this time, you made a commitment to yourself. You came here with a goal. So you inhale again and deep throat him, sucking as much as you can.   With his curly pubic hair grazing your nose, Jimin cums. His groans staccato. His cock twitches.   And you swallow the bitter, white fluid that comes out in ribbons.   After a few seconds, you finally withdraw. Jimin opens his eyes, staring at you in wonderment. There are strands of saliva from between his softened cock to your lips and you wipe your mouth with the back of your hand.   “Not gonna lie.” You clear your throat and swallow down the remaining taste. “That’s really nasty.”   Jimin bursts out laughing.   “Thanks.”    “It’s the least I can do.” You stand up, shaking your left leg awake. It feels like pins and needles when you step around. “I’ve sat on your face like twice already.”   You toss Jimin his pants off the ground and you get your cardigan back on.   “You wanna come over on Friday?”   “Uh…” You grab your phone from your jacket that’s also been discarded and check your calendar. “Sorry. Can’t. I’m busy on that day.”   His brows raise, but he doesn’t question it.   “How about Saturday?” you offer.   “No. I have a kines exam scheduled.”   Your face twists in disgust. “On a Saturday?”   “Yep. I know. It sucks.”   You sympathize, but you’re also surprised. “I didn’t know you were a kines major.”   “What? I thought I told you.”   “Guess I forgot.” You put yourself back together and a thought strikes you. Your eyes light up and you turn to your friend with glittering eyes. “Does that mean you can crack bones? I’ve always wanted to go to a chiropractor since my lower back always hurts. You should crack it for me.”   Jimin grins. “Sorry, I don’t know how to do that. They don’t really teach you that kind of stuff.”   “Oh.” Your eyes dim and you don’t try to hide your disappointment. You almost thought you could get a little more out of him, but you suppose decent sex is enough.    As you grab your bag, you notice that his phone lights up. “You got a text from Victoria.”   “Thanks.” He reaches over, but the curious expression on your face must be visible, since he says, “Don’t worry. She’s not my girlfriend or anything. She’s just someone I’m kind of into.”   “Nice!”   The corner of Jimin’s mouth quirks at your genuinely excited response even though he never looks away from the screen. You’re psyched though. If he has an interest in someone else, there’s less chance for anyone to catch feelings. Fewer connections. More distance.   “If you ever want to end this, just let me know.” You throw your backpack on that’s heavy with your laptop and textbooks inside.   “Yeah.”   “I’m going now.”   “Bye.” Jimin’s fingers fly across the screen to text the other girl back and neither of you spare each other a glance. The door shuts moments later and the noise echoes through the walls.

[3rd Year Fall Semester]   In spite of being a junior now, things have relatively remained the same.   According to course outlines, lectures are more in-depth in their content, but there’s still assignments, papers, and midterms. The grading schemes haven’t changed and you know there’s a shit ton of work waiting for you in the coming months. But you find pleasure wherever you can.   The door opens, but it’s not Jimin on the other side.   “Hey, Y/N.” Taemin, his roommate, is eating chips. “He’s in his room.”   “Thanks.”   You shuffle inside and after briefly greeting Jongin, the other roommate, who’s busy playing Animal Crossing on the living room couch, you beeline to his room. You find Jimin hunched over his messy desk, rounded spectacles on the bridge of his nose as he’s tapping furiously across his laptop keyboard.   He glances at you. “Sorry. I need a second.”   “Take your time.”    You set down your bag and shed your coat, tossing it aside. You’re not sure what he’s doing, but you don’t ask. Instead, you pull out your phone and run through your usual apps. With no messages to answer or anything to scroll through, you check your email and find the words ‘emergency’ in one of the subject lines.   After a minute, Jimin saves his document and closes the lid of his laptop. He stretches above his head with a groan and turns around, only to find you now hunched over your own device.   “Sorry,” you mutter once you feel his gaze on you. “My manager needs me to fill out my timesheet and send it to her.”   “I didn’t know you worked.”   “Just part-time at the admissions office here on campus.” You go quiet as you skim over your email again to ensure it makes sense. “It’s a pretty easy gig.”   He hums and you finish, shutting your laptop and sticking it back into your bag. That’s when you finally get a good look at the boy across the room — dark hair, blue shirt and gray sweats — and you notice how tan he’s gotten. It’s a good look.    Your mouth tugs. “Did you travel over the summer?”   “I went to the Caribbean with my family for like two weeks.”   “Fancy.”   “It was alright.” He gets up and re-stacks the textbooks on his desk into a single pile. Jimin notices the stack of flyers he was supposed to distribute. “Oh yeah. Do you want to join the crayon club?”   Your brow lifts. “The crayon club?”   “Yeah, you can come colour every Wednesday night and just hang out with people.” Jimin grins boyishly. “My friend wanted to make a club and he made me the communications executive. I’m supposed to get people to join. You don’t have to, but the first meet and greet is this Friday, and the more people the better. There’s gonna be free food by the way, if that helps.”   You’re not sure that's a good idea.   The two of you have never really met up outside of his dormitory, aside from the first time you met at the library.   “Let me check my calendar.” You grab your phone again and thoughtlessly mumble, “Sometimes I’m busy on Friday. I’m part of the board games club and we meet up every other week…..don’t judge.”   “I’m not.”    Still, Jimin's smile widens and you feign a pout.    You’re free this week.   “I’ll come if you make me an executive too,” you quip carelessly while tossing your phone aside. “It’ll look good on my law application.”   Jimin quirks his head. He didn’t know you were aiming for law school. “Okay.”   “Wait.” You’re taken off guard, eyes as wide as saucers. “Seriously?!”   He with a small laugh. Jimin gets up and closes the distance, making you lean against the headboard until he’s completely hovering over you, mere inches away. “We actually need a position filled anyway, so you just saved me some trouble.”   “You better keep your promise, Park.”   You end up showing with Wendy and Tiffany in tow — the former who wants to raid whatever food there is and the latter genuinely interested in colouring as a means of relaxation. It’s a bit awkward to meet so many new people at once and Jimin’s friends at that, but you can tell they’re nice at heart. Albeit, a bit rambunctious and too friendly. And you’re a bit horrified when one of them tries to eat a crayon to further advertise the club.   “So, what’s up with you and Jimin?” Tiffany asks, peering up at you as she colours in the lines carefully. She’s unaware of your arrangement with the boy. It’s not something you’ve told many.   You feign ignorance, not wanting to get into the details with strangers around. “What do you mean?”   “Are you dating him?”   You scoff. “I wish.”   Immediately, Wendy’s brows raise to her hairline and the words that fumbled out of you thoughtlessly finally sink in. “I mean, no, we’re not. Not I wish.”   Luckily, Tiffany spares you and doesn’t pry. But you’re mortified and you glance at Jimin from across the room laughing noisily with his friend. You turn away from him, trying to create more distance.

[3rd Year Winter Semester]   With exam season here, you and Jimin hadn’t seen each other in a while.   Luckily, Spring break was approaching, so you at least had something to look forward to. The idea of being able to lay in bed and sleep in automatically puts you in a good mood. Jimin, however, seems less than stoked.   You watch from the bed as he runs a hand through his hair, messing it up before you’ve gotten a chance to. He was frowning when he opened the door, greeted you with one word and in general, has been quieter than usual.   “Is….everything alright?” You wonder if you did something to piss him off, but then he says—   “I flunked my final.”   Oh. That explains his bad mood.   “The one you took this morning?” you ask.   “Yeah.” Jimin deflates with an extended sigh. “I didn’t get the first twenty questions and then I fucking ran out of time….”   There’s a pause that lingers.   “Well, you’re not sure if you actually failed, right?” You lean closer to him, quirking your head to the side. “The marks haven’t been released and who knows, the prof might curve it.”   “Maybe. I don’t know.” Jimin scrubs a hand over his face, uncertain and stressed. “This ruins everything. I’m trying to get an internship at a clinical rehabilitation facility and I want to apply for a masters and now...fuck.” You’re surprised. You didn’t know he had so many goals. “I’m screwed.”   Jimin flops back onto his mattress, staring at the ceiling. You loom over him, blocking his view.   “Does the internship look at your GPA?”   “They want a three point o average or more.”   “What do you have now?”   “Three point five.”   The corner of your mouth pulls and a rush of air leaves your nose in a snort. “Then you’ll make it! Even if you failed one exam, it wouldn’t tank past a three. It can’t be too bad, right?”   “Yeah, I guess.” Jimin sighs and absentmindedly tugs on your strand of hair that’s fallen in front of your face and is grazing against his cheek. “I just don’t know anymore.”   “It’s going to be fine,” you reassure, slapping your hand on his shoulder. “You’re just overthinking it.”   “Maybe,” he hums.   A sudden thought comes across your mind and your small smile turns devious. “Let me make you feel better.”   You shift to straddle his hips and instantly, his hands lift to your waist. Jimin starts to grin as you pull at his shirt, trying to get him to strip. And you do your best to pleasure him.   It doesn’t take much effort considering Jimin’s hand is already tightening in your hair the minute you run your tongue along his shaft. But he doesn’t let you suck him for too long, eager to feel you inside instead and pleasure you just the same.   It’s eager and messy sex. You’re on top until your thighs begin to burn and you lose your pace. Then he re-repositions the both of you, so you’re flat on your back and he’s doing most of the work. You end up cumming twice. Once around his covered cock and the other time after he coaxes you around his stiff tongue and eggs you on, even when you’re sobbing from the overstimulation.   It feels good. Better than good.   Over time, the pair of you have gotten to know each other’s bodies better, what works and what doesn’t.    Your relationship with Jimin is an investment that feels worth it.   “Hey…” You’re both facing away from each other as you put your clothes back on. Jimin turns his head and you cast him a glance. “I was thinking of maybe starting birth control…”   He blinks.   “If you go get yourself checked out and make sure you’re clean, we can do it without condoms.”   You pull down your sweater over your head and you both stare at each other. He looks surprised and responds in a delayed manner, “Okay. Cool. I’m down. I’ll get myself checked out this weekend. I haven’t really slept with anyone else since this started though.”   It’s your turn to be caught off guard. “Really? What...about that girl you were into? Vicky?”   “You mean Victoria?” He jumps as he puts on his sweatpants, getting both legs through at once. “Nah. It didn’t end up working out.”   “Oh.” He’s entirely nonchalant about it, so you merely nod.   Jimin walks you to the door and you notice that he’s in a better mood than earlier. You hide your smile to yourself, glad that it was mutually beneficial.   Two weeks later, he gets an email before the two of you get down and dirty, and you’re the first one in his life to know that he got the summer internship. His excitement is infectious and you genuinely feel happy for him.

[4th Year Fall Semester]   It’s so close, you can taste it.   A whole new semester and cart of overpriced textbooks later meant you were a senior now. It also meant that there was just this year left and you were out of here. Finished at least one degree. A step closer to making the big bucks and being a whole ass adult.   The idea is both exhilarating and frightening.   2:20pm. Jimin: Wanna come over?   The text mocks you, but the temptation is tangible. Like a carrot tied at the end of a stick that’s attached to a hungry rabbit. You’ve been sexually frustrated since last night, feeling it in your loins since morning, and fidgeting and rubbing your thighs underneath tables and desks. The thought of getting that sweet relief properly is enough for you to want to ditch class altogether, but you can’t. Not for the next few days.   2:22pm. Y/N: can’t. 2:22pm. Y/N: I’m on my period :((   2:23pm. Jimin: I don’t mind   2:23pm. Y/N: really???? 2:24pm. Y/N: are you sure   2:25pm. Jimin: lmao 2:25pm. Jimin: yes   You brace through the rest of the lecture, paying more attention as the anticipation swells. And when it’s all over, you race across campus to the dormitory building you’ve become familiar with.   Jimin opens the door before you need to knock and he plants a chaste kiss against your lips in greeting. You’re taken off guard, but don’t pay too much attention to it. “How was class?”   “Good. You?”   “Same,” he hums.   You drop your bag in his room and gesture below your waist. “I’m going to need to wash up. The nether regions are a bit…”   He smiles. “Sure. I got spare towels I can set down too.”   You self-consciously linger for a moment as he goes to his closet to the upper shelf. The towels are luckily green and not white. “I’m surprised you’re okay with it. Having period sex, I mean.”   “Why wouldn’t I be?” Jimin pushes his blanket aside and puts a towel down. “As long as you’re fine with it, then I am too.”   “I don’t know. Doesn’t blood gross you out?”   “Not really? Most of the time I’m the one making the mess, so it’s actually nice to have someone else make the mess for once. Plus sex is sex. What’s there to complain about?” His brow lifts and he looks at you. You scoff and it makes Jimin grin.   You wash yourself up and he fucks you in missionary position on top of the towels. The pair of you have only done so a few times before. Typically, you’re face down, bent over, on all fours or looking away from each other. But the change is welcome. Jimin hovers over you and you can kiss him when you want to.   “F-Fuck.” A pitched moan unintentionally spills from you when he hits a spot at your walls that has your toes curling. “Ji...min.”   It’s more lubricated than usual, making the strokes easier. He goes softer too. Deeper. Jimin presses your thighs to your chest and makes you feel him all the way to your throat.   The boy smiles tenderly at your reaction in spite of panting himself. “Feel good, baby?”   “Y-Yeah.” You nod, eyes shut tight. You grip his forearms when he bottoms out again. “Always does.”   Your warm walls pulse around his thick cock and you end up cumming soon after. He groans into your neck at how you tighten around him like a vice grip and he thrusts into you one more time before his cum fills you.   The pair of you jump in the shower together to get cleaned up and then you’re picking up your clothes while he tosses the towels in the laundry.   “What were you working on, on Thursday?”   You blink, realizing that you texted him vaguely about being swamped and unable to come over, and that’s enough for you to unload and go on a tangent. “God, don’t remind me. It was my fucking thesis. I barely managed to finish it but I don’t even know if it makes sense and now I have to edit like fifty pages by myself before giving it to my supervisor, so that’s fun.”   It feels good to let it off your chest.   Jimin smiles subtly at your venting. “I could always edit it for you.”   “What? Seriously?”   “Sure.” He shrugs. “I’m not in poly sci, but that might make me a bit more unbiased. I’m not doing much these days either.”   “Oh my god.” There’s an overpowering urge to bow at his feet or suck his dick until you’re gagging or do both. “You’re a life-saver!”   Jimin laughs and it’s the sound of angels singing. “Just send it over. I can get it done by tomorrow. You have my email, right?”   “Of course I do. Duh!” Your grin is big enough that your cheeks hurt and he has one that matches it as well.   //   A few weeks fly by and things calm down enough that you can finally breathe. But that’s when you receive a little text from a certain someone that has you skeptical if you can rest easy.   6:48pm. Jimin: I have a surprise for you 6:48pm. Jimin: I forgot about it   You’re not sure what it is, but asking would be like pulling teeth with him. Jimin hates spoilers and he likes surprises all too much.   Lately, you’ve both been getting into some freaky shit. Buying toys, blindfolds, handcuffs. As adventurous as college kids with a limited budget can get. It was rather fun for the pair of you, and expectedly, some experiments work out better than others. It sends goosebumps all over your skin every time he talks dirty. You like it when Jimin spanks you too. Although, you’re still unsure about the whole candle wax on your body idea.   But there’s one thing for sure — Jimin can most definitely not role play for his life.    The whole school girl fantasy lasted a good five minutes before he started bursting into giggles and breaking character every other second. Playing doctor only made you realize how ticklish he was too. And the tickle fight that followed was definitely not something one would call ‘sexy’. Even if it did lead to the deed being done.   “Hey.” Jimin greets you with a grin and a chaste peck against your lips. “How was studying?”   “Fine.” You brush off the question quickly, too curious of what he has in store. “Jimin, I’m not going to use that twelve inch dildo unless you want to drive me to the ER.”   He bursts out laughing. “That’s not it. Good try though.”   Instead of going to his room like you usually do, Jimin leads you past the kitchen area to the table. It’s been cleared off and you give an inquisitive expression. He grins and then gestures to it.    “Lay down.”   “What?”   “Just lay down.” He takes your hand, guiding you on it and you obey wordlessly. It doesn’t seem like any of his roommates are home and you hope they don’t come back any time soon lest they find you lying face down on their dinner table.   You feel Jimin round the table and pull your ankles together. You tilt yourself up to peek at him, but then he barks— “Down.”   With a pout, you return to your position, arms folded underneath your head. You hope he isn’t about to rub spices on you and roast you in his oven like it feels like he’s doing.   You feel the gentle pressure of Jimin’s hands against your spine, his thumbs pressing into your skin and he hums, “Relax. Okay. Breathe in for me.”   An inhale is taken and his hands suddenly press into the middle of your back. You hear your bones crack loudly. It catches you off guard and you turn yourself with wide eyes. “You know how to do it?!”   He boyishly grins. “I might’ve learnt a thing or two during my internship.”   “Keep going, keep going.” You flip yourself over again, gesturing to your back and he laughs, going down your body and cracking your bones. You become butter in his fingertips, lower back feeling better already.   “Lift your leg for me.”   You follow his instructions to a t. “Are you sure you know what you’re doing?” you ask sleepily, lulled by his care. If he massaged you too, you might just cream your pants.   “I got this, I got this,” he reassures with a bit of arrogance. “I’m not a professional, but I know what I’m doing. You trust me, right?”   A noise is made at the back of your throat.   “If you break a bone on accident, I’ll sue you,” you mumble as he turns you over. “God, feels good.”   After a while, Jimin gets you to sit up and continues. He looks nice when he’s concentrating. Expression blank. Lips plump and in a line. Brows only slightly furrowed. “Considering you don’t have any ailments, you don’t need to get your bones cracked often. You should stretch and do some exercise instead.”   You scoff. “Having sex with you is enough exercise.”   To prove your point, you latch onto his arm and tug him towards you. Jimin smiles and the two of you break a sweat against each other on the table before either of his roommates come home.

[4th Year Winter Semester]   It was an invitation that you would’ve called yourself crazy for offering a year ago. But if it wasn’t for him editing your thesis and taking a load off your mind, you would’ve had a harder time.    You had him to thank for that.   “So?” Jimin’s seated across from you at the restaurant booth. It wasn’t surprisingly difficult to ask him to grab a bite with you. For some reason, you thought he would reject. “What’s the big news?”   Instead of answering, you reach into your bag and slide the envelope across the table.   He’s curious and takes it, pulling out the letter to read. You sip on your water, watching his expression intently. He mutters the words and it takes him through the first paragraph before he realizes. Then, at once, Jimin’s eyes widen. His mouth drops and he looks at you proudly.   “You got into law school?”   “Three of them,” you tell with a cheesy grin.    “T-That’s….fucking amazing. Holy fuck.” He reaches over and hugs you. It’s awkward considering there’s a whole table in the way, but you appreciate the sentiment. You’re giddy and giggling at how excited he is. It makes you feel like the first time you opened the letter yourself.   Jimin presses a kiss against your hair before withdrawing. “When did you find out?”   “Two days ago. I really thought I wasn’t going to get in since I got rejection letters last week from the other schools, but then three of them came in rapid succession.”   He shakes his head, still in awe. “Congratulations. Seriously. You deserve it, Y/N. God knows how hard you worked.”   “Thanks.” You smile to yourself, fiddling with the hem of your blouse. “I was thinking of maybe leaving the city to a different uni, but….I’m going to stay with my parents for as long as I can to save up on loans.”   “Yeah, sounds good.” He nods. “Moving out can be expensive.”   “What about you? Have you applied to your masters program yet?”   Jimin laughs. “Actually, I was planning on telling you that today too. I didn’t bring any fancy letter with me though.”   You lean closer, sitting on the edge of your seat. “You got in?”   “I did. Yesterday.” His enormous smile causes your own to expand. “I’m gonna do it part-time while working at the same facility I did my internship at.”   You’re happy for him and you can tell by his expression that he’s genuinely excited for you too. The pair of you were taking steps forward for your future and while it was a little scary, for now, you enjoy the victory and pig out at the restaurant with little restraints.   At the end of the night, you’re both wine drunk when you stumble back to his dorm room and soon, you’re trying to muffle your whimpers with your teeth sunk into your bottom lip. It doesn’t help when he presses the humming vibrator to your clit harder.   “J-Jimin,” you sob, fingers twisting into his sheets. You’re slumped against the headboard as he surrounds you.   “Louder,” he commands, watching you through heavy lidded eyes. The cold air of his bedroom made your nipples hardened, yet you feel hot all over, under his gaze and ruthlessness.    Your hand curls around his wrist. “Your roommates are sleep—” You cry and keen against his chest when he plunges the toy into your swollen cunt that’s leaking down your ass and thighs.   “It’s okay,” he murmurs in a low voice against your ear, “Let it go.”   You feel the toy nudge against your cervix, the vibrations trembling through your body and you orgasm hard with your forehead pressed against Jimin’s shoulder. Even then, he continues to draw it in and out of you, studying how you’ve creamed around the vibrator, how your slick is dripping to his sheets that are already stained with the scent of your shampoo.   “J-Jimin,” you whine loudly, not knowing if you’re trying to lean away from his touch or closer. “T-...too m-much!”   “You can take it,” Jimin softly coaxes and you nod.    You cum again after a minute and he immediately kisses you with a big smile before peppering pecks down to your neck. It makes you feel ticklish and winded.   “Hey...Jimin…”   “Hmm?”   “Are we still gonna do this after we graduate?” you ask in a quiet voice, laying back in the ruined sheets. “I’m gonna be busy and you are too.”   “We’ll figure it out.” He flops beside you and you both face each other. Jimin’s arm is draped over your waist and you stare at one another for a moment before he closes the distance.   Jimin nudges you for a languid kiss, your noses brushing as his soft, plush lips press against yours. It’s unhurried. Slow. He urges your mouth to part for him and his tongue slips in as you whimper, giving you a chance to properly taste him.   Sloppy, wet noises fill the room while heat rises to your cheeks. But you’re unbothered while swapping spit with Park Jimin. It’s lazy, yet it feels good. So much so that you’ve relaxed entirely.   In the back of your mind, you know you should get up and put some clothes on. Any cuddling or post-sex touching has largely been unprecedented before this and it’s not good to make habits you’ll have to eventually break. You should get your sweater off the floor, or at least slip on his purple t-shirt….   But you give into the temptation and shut your eyes for one second. One mere second.    That’s enough for you to doze off.   When Jimin realizes you’ve accidentally fallen asleep, he smiles to himself and tugs the blankets up to your shoulders, securing you in warmly.   //   You stifle another yawn with your hand.    It’s 9:30 in the goddamn morning and way too early for you. There’s a reason you pick afternoon classes, go to work afterwards and then go see Jimin to end your day off. There’s no situation good enough that warrants your alarm blaring before eight — but you suppose a graduation ceremony could be an exception.   “There’s so many people,” your dad gasps in wonderment, looking around the vast hall. “Do you know them all?”   “No.” You hold in your sigh. “I don’t.”   For the past twenty minutes, you’ve been running around looking for your parents after they’ve wandered off and gotten lost. If they weren’t spamming their cameras on their phone and telling you to smile in front of the odd statue or the meaningless bulletin board that wasn’t even part of your faculty, it was calling your name as loud as they could to find you in the crowds.   You’re happy over their enthusiasm but also burdened. It’s a lot of mixed feelings.   “Y/N?”   Dark hair and brown eyes — a certain someone who you weren’t expecting to run into is staring right at you with a boyish smile. “Jimin?” He looks good, a suit underneath and a black graduation gown over it that falls to his calf. His gown has a golden hood and tassel while yours is white — the colours symbolizing your different faculties and areas of study.    “Hey.” His gaze is warm. “You look nice.”   “Thanks. You too.”   You don’t linger on him for long, not when his parents are right by his side. You divert your vision and greet them politely. Jimin surprisingly looks a lot like his dad and his mom has a kind face. They seem like sweet people and you’re suddenly breaking into a sweat. “Nice to meet you.”   Your own parents make themselves known and you feel like your worlds are colliding as they shake hands and exchange names, congratulating each other on their child’s graduation.   You’re about to get them moving along when your mom nudges you. “Is this your boyfriend?”   Her voice is way too loud and you feel yourself burn in embarrassment.    “No. He’s just a friend,” you whisper it sharply but much your dismay, they look unconvinced.   You miss the way Jimin smiles to himself.   “We should get a picture!” his dad declares and your own dad looks even more elated at the idea of spamming more pictures. You already had to delete a hundred blurry ones, but your mom ignores your groan and pushes you both towards some weird artwork on the wall.   “Stand over here! Over here! Smile!”   Your parents end up sitting next to each other on the rows and you have no words, forced to sit at the bottom with the rest of your graduating class. It’s a wonder that the Arts Faculty was scheduled right before the Faculty of Kines. Fate or coincidence, you’re not sure yet.   But it’s still nice to see Jimin walk the stage and be able to cheer for him.   “Congratulations, Mr. Park.”   He grins. “Congratulations to you too, Miss L/N.”   It’s certain that the numerous celebrations with family, friends and relatives will be chaotic, so you take advantage of the opportunity while you still can. You steal just a little moment for your selfish desires by standing outside before you’re both bombarded by your circle of people.   “You know, I couldn’t have done it without you.”   “Oh, stop it with the sappiness.” You can’t feign a roll of your eyes when your smile is so big.   He swings an arm around your shoulder, pulling you close and laughing. “Why? Don’t like it?” And the little shit slyly leans in to whisper, “You like it when I call you my baby though.”   “Jimin!”   He laughs and you sigh with a smile.   You’re glad you ran into him.

[Post-Graduation]   You open the door, welcoming yourself in.   “Hey.”   Jimin’s on the couch and glances at you, unfazed at how you’ve waltzed right into his apartment with little warning. You’ve always knocked out of courtesy for his roommates, but ever since he moved out of the dormitories, you find little need to make him walk all the way to the door.   He’s watching a thriller and you flop down on his couch, leaning over to plant a quick peck against his mouth as a greeting. “How was work?”   “It was okay. A bit busy. I met this nice old lady and we chatted for a bit. She called me handsome, so there’s that.” He grins and you scoff lightly, leaning your cheek on his shoulder as you watch the main character venture into an abandoned house on screen. Jimin loves his praises, so you’re not wholly surprised he’s kept a mental note of it.    You’re not sure why it’s important though. Anyone with eyes would agree he’s good-looking.   “How was class?”   “Awful,” you mumble, feeling tired against him. You came over to get rid of some sexual frustration, but you’re not even sure you have the energy to do anything anymore. “Commuting was brutal this morning. Traffic was backed up on the highway and I was late, and yesterday I had to drive back at night. My parents are driving me nuts too. I can’t study properly.”   Jimin hums a soothing note and slings an arm at the back of the couch where you’re sitting, letting you lean into him. It goes quiet as the two of you watch the suspenseful scene and then he absentmindedly pipes up after a minute, “You could always move in with me.”   He continues, “It’s closer to the university and it’s quiet during the day, so you can study. We could always study together too.”   It’s a good idea, but— “I can’t afford that.”   “I don’t mind paying rent for a while. It’s the same either way.”   It takes a second for the words sink in and then you’re peeling yourself off of him.   Your gaze is met with Jimin’s, eyes locking into one another and the movie is left in the background. “As roommates?”   He shrugs. “There’s only one bedroom, but sure.”   A studio apartment. One bed shared. Two people.   Watching movies. Having sex. Eating together.   It doesn’t sound bad to you whatsoever, but you contemplate it. It swirls around inside your head and you murmur, “Isn’t that breaking the rules of being friends with benefits?”   And you don't know why but Wendy’s words from the other day are echoing inside the caverns of your brain at the worst moment. “You know, your relationship with Jimin isn’t exactly normal.” You weren’t sure what she meant and you still don’t know. Not when she had advertised and encouraged this kind of arrangement all those years ago. When she had told you many people got involved in each other like this.   But you’re starting to wonder if something is off.   Did you do something wrong? Did your relationship with Jimin spiral out of control? But everything feels normal.   After three years, you’d think you would’ve mastered the art of benefits by now.   You sigh, getting a headache. Yet, Jimin merely shrugs.    As if the definitions and boundaries don’t bother him whatsoever.    “Is it?”   “Kind of. I mean, living together, being mutually exclusive. It almost sounds like….”   “Like what?” His brows lift. “Like we’re dating?”   You feel hot in your face, skin toasted like a furnace. Maybe you’re being delusional or silly. Maybe he’s going to laugh at you. “This is what couples who are going to get engaged do.”   “Maybe we should date then…?” The pitch of Jimin’s voice raises at the end, not necessarily a question but neither a statement. It’s questionable like he’s unsure how you feel. Like he’s playing a guessing game. And then he smiles at your shocked expression.   Jimin turns to face you fully. His gaze is heavy, earnest. “Maybe we should date.”   This time, it’s repeated as an assertion.   Confident. Unwavering. Sincere.   Jimin leans in to kiss you as if he can’t resist anymore. It’s tender, taking you off guard and you lean into him, finally allowing yourself to become surrounded by him. Mind. Body. And soul.   When the two of you pull away, he smiles while catching his breath. “I-I’m down if you are. This apartment can be yours and you can study here and sleep here and whatever. We can eat together and I’ll buy you take out or cook. It’s fine if you don’t want to. I’m cool with anything. We can keep being friends with benefits, if that’s what you want….so…......what do you want?”   You exhale lightly, feeling warm. “This...is a lot.”   “Is it?” Instantly, Jimin appears panicked and you hold back a laugh. “We’ve technically been together for three years and...what we’ve been doing recently is basically dating. In my opinion.”   “Did Wendy put you up to this?”   “No.” He shakes his head. “Frankly, the person I talk to most these days is you. And I like it that way.”   God, you hate him.    You pull Jimin in for another kiss, an aggressive and eager one. Enough that you can feel the heat off of his own face. You move to straddle his thighs and when you break apart, you muster a glare at him. “You know, I’ve been trying so hard not to catch feelings. You’re ruining all my efforts, you know that, Park?”   He grins. “Is this a yes?”   “It is.” This time, he’s the one to kiss you, sealing your lips together as he smiles against your mouth and squeezes giggles out of you. Even if he doesn’t say it, even if he’s saving it for another day, you know from his tender touches that he loves you. And it’s mutual.   No longer do you need to worry — leave right after the deed is done or be panicked when you’ve accidentally fallen asleep in his bed. You’re unashamed when he kisses you harder as a greeting, when he holds your hand, when you go out together. You can have pillow talks without needing to guard yourself, cuddle him, call him yours.   And when Christmas arrives, meaning sweater weather and snow dusting from the sky, you have someone to keep you warm. Someone who you can come back to and call your home.

[thereaderstea]

G´day tor-mon, how are you<3? Recommend me your favourite bts!jungkook x reader fics! so I guess its not an au?(no smut✋🚫)

Merry meet, nonnie! I am well, busy and a little stressed because I had a power outage yesterday, but well nonetheless ☺️ I hope you are merry in the holidays (if you celebrate) and are happy and healthy 😄🖤💜

asdfghjkl, my favorite JJK x Reader fics? I have to choose? 😰 *has an existential crisis*

Alright, after some deep reflection, an existential crisis, and fighting the urge to devour these fics again (you have a mission, tor-mon!), I present to you my current favorite JJK fics (this list is only bound to grow). These fics have made me feel so intensely and I think about these fics a lot (an unhealthy amount, probably). I sorted them by genre: fluff to angst to yandere.

tor-mon’s Favorite JJK x Reader Fics

Sugar and Coffee by @jimlingss​  ➵Fluff, Angst, Slice of Life | slice of life au |  pâtisserie school au | enemies to friends to lovers au | Slice of Life series | 23 ch series | 100.5k ➵You are quite the pâtisserie chef, or at least on your way to becoming one, but there’s that one person who always has to complain, Jeon Jungkook.  ➵A masterpiece, honestly. I remember cracking up so hard over their competitions, the banter, and dynamics, but nothing beats that one day after the dream... I don’t want to spoil! but I do want to warn that there is a wet dream (not too graphic and it’s not a lot, I promise) somewhere in there, but honestly, it’s so hilarious.

Chess of Ice by Jimlingss​ | The Reader’s Tea Reviews 1 | 2 | 3 ➵Fluff, a lil bit of Angst | sports au | curling au | trilogy | 42.8k ➵Jeon Jungkook is a rising star, that is, until he falls. Now he’s picking up another sport, curling. ➵I love a good team dynamic and the characters in this are everything 🙌🏻

Date in a Box by Jimlingss​  ➵Fluff | Service Series | oneshot | 9.7k (Jimlingss’s summary: ) ➵If you’re in a hurry then we’re here to help you! Everything you need in a box. Delivery less than five minutes. Upgrade and we can personalize your date even more! Guaranteed 100%! Don’t fret, we’re here.  ➵I love the entire Service Series because the concepts are so much fun and they’re hilarious and I love the service descriptions, aka the commercials XD

I Will Not Lose! by Jimlingss​ ➵Fluff | magic au | oneshot | 6.2k (Jimlingss’s summary: ) ➵A single bet - use every means to make Jeon Jungkook fall in love with you. ➵It’s fluffy and cute, and it’s got that hint of enemies to lovers, especially with how competitive the mc gets over this bet. And the ending! asdfghjkl ^.^ 

midas by @gukyi​  ➵Fluff, (light) Angst, Comedy | enemies to lovers au | ceo au| magical realism au | oneshot | 32k (gukyi’s summary: ) ➵jeon jungkook was born with a silver spoon in his mouth and the power to turn whatever he wants into pure gold. you were born with healing and invisibility powers but without a cent to your name. so when you’re plucked off of the streets for pickpocketing and assigned to be his minder as punishment, you realize you’re going to have to overcome a lot more than class differences if either of you are going to get what you want. (or,) ➵you become Jungkook’s magical babysitter ➵I really love this concept! This fic is what got me looking into magical realism as an entire genre. But also, who doesn’t love a good enemies to lovers? and from the master of enemies to lovers 🙌🏻

ice prince by gukyi | The Reader’s Tea Review   ➵Fluff, (very light) Angst | figure skating au | enemies to lovers au | oneshot | 22k ➵Your ice skating partner just had to break his leg right before a big competition and “of all people on this godforsaken Earth, you’ve been re-paired up with Jeon Jungkook, Ice Prince.” ➵an axel-lent enemies to lovers :D I love it so much! And I really love Tae and mc’s friendship and all those icebreaker questions ☺️

if i told you by gukyi​  ➵Fluff, (light) Angst, Comedy | friends to lovers au | college au | oneshot | 22k ➵Jeon Jungkook is a broke college student, so to pay off his debt, he sells himself as the perfect boyfriend. If only you weren’t a broke college student either, then maybe you could buy yourself a date with Jungkook. ➵The mc is so not what I expected, (no spoilers!) all I will say is that I really love how supportive she is. I also love how close they are and this Jungkook is too fluffy and cute! ^.^

a moonlight melody by gukyi​ | The Reader’s Tea Reviews 1 | 2 ➵Fluff, Soft Angst | fake dating au | orchestra au | vacation au | duology | 50k ➵Your best friend has pranked you too many times and you’ve done nothing about it, because you, quite frankly, suck at pranking. As such, Jungkook ➵This is so soft and magical and sweet and soft ☺️ and did I mention soft? but also all those memes! There is so much good and wholesome and hilarious dynamics in here! This is the kind of fic that makes me wish I had a big friend group to do crazy stuff like this (but I hear you have to leave your house and, like, socialize??)

Down With The Ship by @tatastaetae | The Reader’s Tea Reviews 1 | 2 | 3 ➵Fluff, Angst | pirate au | trilogy | 25.4k ➵ You board a ship to escape forced love; but you join a pirate crew to fall into the arms of your only true and constant love: the sea. (or, tatastaetae’s summary: ) ➵Captain Jeon Jungkook; a beautiful mess of blood and gold. His greatest treasure, may also be his greatest downfall. ➵Very very fluffy! I love the adventure and the antics and I still want to know what’s in that soup, Jin! But that ending, holy heck, I didn’t see it coming and I just malfunctioned and stared at my wall in shock for who knows how long, and I just love tatastaetae’s fluffy writing which always somehow wrecks my soul! ^.^

His Name by @jimlingss ➵Angst | multiple personality au | 8 part series | 52.4k ➵Jeon Jungkook has multiple personalities and gaps in his memory. It’s your job to treat him and perhaps help him remember his past... ➵This is the first bts fic I ever read (a special thanks to Nani for reccing it ☺️) and so it holds a special place in my black heart, especially because I sobbed so hard at 3 in the morning and my mind was stuck on this for days

Gravity by @donewithjeon | The Reader’s Tea Review ➵Angst, Fluff | ‘90s au | oneshot | 29k ➵Time can bring you together, but Time can also push you apart; will you and Jungkook be able to fight the distance and Time to stay together, or were you always meant to only share this descent to earth for just a moment, always meant to eventually drift apart? ➵I am a wimp when it comes to Time, but does that stop me from reading fics that exploit that weakness? nope! That last train scene destroyed my heart and that entire ending, the acceptance, stabbed me in the heart, for good measure.

written on the sky by @inktae​ | The Reader’s Tea Review ➵Angst, Fluff | apocalyptic au? | end of the world au | ‘seeking a friend at the end of the world’ au | oneshot | 22k ➵The 60-mile-wide asteroid was supposed to slip by Earth, but it’s a little late to change its course or do anything about it except to prepare for the end. So while you’re waiting for the end, find a friend, someone to hold a hand with at the end of the world. ➵I was sobbing before the fic even finished. The odd thing is that you know the end, but knowing doesn’t prepare you for the feels. 

below thunder showers by inktae | The Reader’s Tea Review ➵ Angst, lil bits of Fluff | sci-fi au | oneshot | 30k ➵ Yoongi leads Earth, while you lead a withered space station. You go to Earth to settle the tensions that have been brewing between Earth and the space station, and Jeon Jungkook, a broken soldier who holds a deep love for the rain, is there to deliver you. ➵we stan a fellow pluviophile ✊🏻 I am so conflicted over this Min Yoongi >.< but Jungkook is so soft and he really didn’t deserve to live this way :(

first light by inktae | The Reader’s Tea Review ➵Angst, Fluff | hotarubi no mori e au | 24.8k (inktae’s synopsis: ) ➵“Have you ever felt like the world is too loud sometimes?” “No. For me it’s always quiet.” ➵This fic wrecked me and made me so conflicted >.< I can never forget this fluffy, masked boy who lives in the woods and silence...

the swirling way of stars by inktae | The Reader’s Tea Review ➵Angst, Fluff | fantasy au | oneshot | 19k ➵You’re tasked with showing Jeon Jungkook what it’s like to live a completely normal life. ➵It’s just falling in love with life itself, the simple things, and it’s written so magically...how can you not fall in love?

the train of lost souls by inktae | The Reader’s Tea Review ➵Angst, lil bits of Fluff | fantasy au | oneshot | 13.6k ➵You have two options when you step on the train: you can live but forget your life, and everyone in your life will forget you, or you can move on and keep your memories for the rest of time. But, how can you choose when part of your soul rests on this train, and the other part longs for someone just out of reach... ➵Once again, I’m a wimp with Time, and the choices really get me thinking...

Pen Pal by @chinkbihh​  ➵Part 1 | Part 1.5 | Part 2 | Final 1/2 | Final 2/2 ➵Angst, Horror? | yandere au | murder and crime au | pen pal au | trilogy | 127.3k ➵Warnings: mental disorders (agoraphobia?), yandere, murder (stabbing)  ➵You sign up to receive a pen pal and are paired up with an inmate, jungkook. You just wanted to talk to someone who could understand what it’s like to be removed from society, but you just may be getting more than you asked for... ➵I love a good yandere fic, there’s something about a yandere’s demented psychology that calls to me, and it’s always so interesting to see how one yandere differs from another, especially in different scenarios. But please please please read and be mindful of the warnings in case it just doesn’t vibe with you.

Quarter Quell by chinkbihh ➵Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | +more  ➵Angst, Horror? | yandere au | hunger games au | ongoing ➵You have resigned to your fate as a tribute in the next hunger games when someone from District Two takes an interest in you...a bit too much of an interest, you’d say. ➵I am a little hesitant to rec this because it isn’t finished, but the premise is exciting and I am really amped for the next chapter in this fic, heck yeah! I mean, heck, a yandere hunger games au? let’s go! But please please please read the warnings in case it just doesn’t vibe with you

~*~

Bonus rec!

I haven’t read this fic, but my friend, Nani, rec’d it to me the other day, and it sounds so exciting :D so I’ll let her tell you about it:

Fan Identity by @tteokggukk​  ➵Fluff, Crack, Angst | enemies to lovers au | social media au | 37 ch series   ➵Influencer!JK is whipped for influencer!reader. Both don’t know they’re interacting with each other on their secret fan accounts. You’re rooting for the two long before they properly meet. But the best part? You’re rooting for their pseudos, Blair Witch and Seagull, as well. ➵I laugh, I pause, I gasp. The conflict between the two mc’s hurt. Honestly, it made the story worth the read.

~*~

Can I also...🥺...may I suggest:

10 Series by @deepdarkdelights | The Reader’s Tea Reviews 1 | 2 | 3 | The Reader’s Tea Analysis ➵10 Seconds | 10 Days | 10 Years ➵Horror? | yandere au | Bouquet Series | 10 Series | trilogy | 29.2k ➵You’re just a college student returning home from a late night out trying to finish up your ungodly college work...but “All it took was ten seconds” and well, now, you’re his. ➵How can I not include my favorite yandere writer, the master of yandere, herself? 🥺 I’m only hesitant because you requested no smut and I respect that, but if you are alright with a small smut scene (I promise there’s not too much) or even just skimming/skipping over it, I would highly recommend this series 🙌🏻 The smut scene is in the final installment (10 Years). It’s an all-time favorite from an all-time favorite writer. But please please please read the warnings in case it just doesn’t vibe with you.

~*~

Happy reading, carissima! I hope at least one of these fics will become your favorite, too ☺️ Let me know what you think as well after you’ve given the authors some love ☺️

Well met!

your fellow reading monster,

tor-mon 🖤

[beautifulterriblequeen]

AMA reread headcanon #2

I’m having further thoughts about Moonshadow assassin capabilities after rereading this ama question, which basically asks, Why didn’t Viren hide Harrow in the dungeon or somewhere, away from the Moonshadow assassins?

The given answer says, “I think hiding him anywhere was never really an option. The Moonshadow assassins would have had ways of locating him and slipping in no matter where he was...”

My initial guess, last fall, was this: since there already seems to be some kind of internal life-force sensor that Moonshadows can use--the way Lujanne simply touches Zym’s egg and determines that his life is fading--perhaps that skill can be honed and shifted from merely sensing all life around you in a beautiful symphony, to seeking one life force in particular, no matter where it is, for the purposes of hunting it down and taking it. A sort of Moonshadow Cerebro, if you will, which probably takes a lot of practice to achieve, and maybe a lot of focus to hold onto during a mission. Perhaps this is what Runaan was meditating on, the morning of the full moon: Harrow’s and Ezran’s life forces, pinging softly in the distance, somewhere in the castle.

Yeah, creepy and dark, turning a Moonshadow connection to life into a tracking skill for death. *shudders* I love it.

But yesterday, I was staring at this line and wondering whether there was more. See, it’s one thing to sense your target no matter where they are. But it’s another to do that slipping-in thing that the creators mentioned.

Viren says in S1E2 that Moonshadow assassins can “penetrate any defense.” Any at all? How would that work if you put Harrow behind a slew of locked doors? Magical barriers? Defensive monsters? All of the above at once?

One of the other AMA answers, paraphrased on reddit, got me thinking:

"Moonshadow elves partially slip into a dimension of the moon granting them full stealth mode."

If a partial shift into the dimension of the moon grants invisibility yet leaves them present this dimension, what would a full shift grant?

Here’s my guess, then, for a second layer of Moonshadow assassin skills that can be put to use on a mission: an accomplished and practiced assassin can focus their life force during a full moon and project themselves fully into the dimension of the moon--the world that Rayla visited in TTM. Doing so is basically dying, and they have to be perfectly poised and precise in order to come back into the real world exactly where they mean to--and not inside a wall or something--within a probably-short time limit like the 7 minutes it takes your brain to die if you lose access to oxygen or something. It’s a very risky move! But if anyone is going to push themselves to the limit of death--and beyond--to accomplish a mission, it’s a Moonshadow assassin.

The implications of such a skill are fabulous. Only the best assassins can probably do this, and they'll probably need a completely full moon to do it. But the effect would be terrifying. There you sit, surrounded by three dozen guards, behind eight magical wards, where not even a stray spider can sneak in, and suddenly there's a whisper of movement right behind you, and then you're dead. And not one of your guards sees a damn thing. They’d panic and bolt, and the word would get out: Moonshadow assassins are unstoppable.

The key here is what Viren believes the assassins are capable of. He knows better than to try to hide Harrow. His only suggestion was to try to mislead the assassins with a soul switcheroo, which could call back to the idea of Moonshadows being able to track a single life force. Whether Viren expected their tracking to follow Harrow’s body instead of his soul, or simply to be confused by two separate sources, I couldn’t say. But his soulfang solution seems like the TDP equivalent of trying to hide your heat signature from infrared scanners by hopping into a hot tub with a breathing straw.

So here I am with this really cool headcanon about a powerful and frankly dangerous Moonshadow ability, and I ask myself, Self, what kind of cool thing could this ability be used for?

I’m so predictable. You know where I’m headed, right?

I am super invested in Runaan's story arc, and in his character development. I'm eagerly awaiting S4 to see what happens next! We all want our favorite broody assassin set free so he can go be dramatic and stabby and also soft with his husband. It's basically a universal headcanon at this point that Runaan will be freed from his coin at some point, in some way.

You know which version of “Free Runaan” I'm not sure I've ever seen? Runaan rescuing himself. Considering his thematic elements and his coding, that's actually a really important idea. People in trauma aren't helpless damsels out of a fairy tale. They're people. And they deserve agency just like everyone else.

Within the plot of TDP, such a concept would need to be folded in with everything else that’s going on, though. Rayla still has to find her truth, and to deal with her motivations and choices. She deserves agency, too, as does Ethari, Callum, Claudia, Viren, Aaravos, Nyx, and anyone who might get included in the coin storyline.

It would be great to see Runaan use a Moonshadow dimension-slip to escape his coin to somewhere else. Where would he go? Well, there are a few possibilities, but “the real world” probably shouldn’t be one of them. If he can get out of hell on his own, and then need some guidance getting back to the real world--and to his family--from there, that lets multiple characters decide if and how much to lend a hand.

Trauma lies. It tells you that you’re alone, the only one who feels so horrible. But that’s not true. It’s never true. So the more characters who contribute to Runaan’s freedom, the better. Especially since it’ll be really good for him to experience, considering he’s spent his life holding everyone at arm’s length. It’ll be a good message of cooperation, and of forgiveness, and those are some of TDP’s strongest themes.

But so is agency! Having a voice, having a say in your own fate. I’m not sure how much of a say Runaan has really had in his own fate. That’s some information I’m also eagerly awaiting! Seeing him get to participate, even a little, in his own rescue from the hellcoin would be amazing, and maybe it could happen with a cool, scary, dramatic Moonshadow power like being able to walk in the land of the dead for a few minutes or something.

Runaan’s a badass, okay, show it to me, give. But also, just imagine some wild twist like Rayla struggling for most of S4 to find him and her parents, fighting, making allies, learning secrets, doing stealth stuff, figuring out who to trust, all building up an absolutely stellar arc for her, and at last she somehow gets that coin pouch, and she dumps it out, and while she’s so relieved to finally have found her parents again... Runaan’s coin is blank. Dun Dun DUNNNNNN, cue the credits!

[baejax-the-great]

Listen op... What about rivalmances á lá Dragon Age 2... But it's Mass Effect instead? How'd you think it'd go?

Ohh, this is an interesting question.

So definitely some of the romantic interests favor a renegade or paragon path, right? Like, Garrus, Ash, and Miranda are arguably renegade choices, Kaidan generally argues in favor of paragon choices. But there's no approval system (beyond some ME1 stuff). Everyone is always willing to bone down if you ask.

The truth is, I didn’t love rivalmances in DA2. It’s an interesting concept, being in a toxic relationship with someone who doesn’t share any of your beliefs and possibly doesn’t believe in your humanity, but I don’t know man. Like Merrill deserves better actually. I’ve never actually seen the Isabela rivalmance but just those words together put a bad taste in my mouth.

While I find it odd sometimes that your decisions in ME don’t affect how your companions respond to you (you can say some seriously anti-alien shit in ME1 for example, with your alien companions standing behind you just shrugging), I think the context for the major decisions is pretty different.

Most of the paragon/renegade decisions early on don’t directly affect your companions. They are frequently ethical, but not political. Killing the rachni queen doesn't invalidate biotics as people or even speak of Shep’s beliefs regarding other species. Everyone agrees the rachni are a dangerous unknown who almost wiped out the other races. Kaidan might disagree with killing her, but if you go against his advice, you aren't indicating you think he should be imprisoned for his abilities (as a templar-aligned Hawke might when making their decisions).

The decisions that I think the companions would have the most emotional response to (the genophage? Rannoch?) occur in ME3, when everyone is at all-out war with the Reapers. And you can, uh, utterly destroy relationships with the people directly involved in those quests. For everyone else, Shepard is making decisions on the fly about how to defeat the Reapers, and frankly any fallout from those decisions would probably happen after the dust had settled.

And honestly, I think some of that would be great to explore. Can Shepard live with themself with the consequences of the destroy ending? With the consequences of their genophage cure? If they side with the geth on Rannoch and then choose destroy? Like... the war was won, but as Kaidan says, you have to live with how it went down. I would not be shocked to find out Shepard and their LI break up in peace time.

At some point in Mass Effect, everyone is just maxed-out emotionwise, and they aren’t in a place to judge wtf Shepard is doing. Companions and other NPCs routinely admit to Shepard they have no idea what they would do in their position. And again, I think the fact that Shepard is a (very successful) leader in a war against a specific enemy vs just some very sexy hick from Lothering fucking up Kirkwall for the hell of it changes how the companions are going to see their decisions. Doing something because it’s strategically the right call in the fate of the galaxy even if it’s fucked up is not the same as dicking around Lowtown trying to scrounge up cash.

For my own personal preference, I’m glad there isn’t a rivalmance, though I think I wouldn’t be opposed to some sort of approval system (some of these thirsty companions come on a LITTLE strong in ME1 like wow cool your jets). The ME romances are built on respect (mostly). In DA2? It's like, okay, your very actions go against my core beliefs as a person and threaten my safety/autonomy, but you're so sexy aha.

But hey that’s just me.

Okay nonnie I wrote this whole thing and then thought about your  actual question-- how would it go?

So now I’m trying to imagine Liara who like, despises Shep but still wants to embrace eternity and like... how does that go? “You’re so stupid, please let me see into your mind. Goddess, it’s so empty, I have never felt such peace.”

It’s harder with Garrus because he is SO amenable to being swayed by paragon Shep. He’s practically begging to be realigned, and we know he likes it when women are a little bit mean to him. I don’t know that it’s possible to rivalmance this cricket.

Kaidan frankly seems like the one most possible to rivalmance. Like, fuck, you go against every moral value I hold, but you are so stupidly sexy and somehow everything always works out anyway and I’m angry about it. Eat this steak you absolute monster.

I have no idea how you would rivalmance Sam without just being mean to her. Hard pass.

I also think rivalmancing Tali would... be ugly. I don’t like the idea. Like getting her to face the very warped history her people taught her, sure, but siding with the Geth every time, or witholding the things she needs to succeed, or breaking her trust on her loyalty mission... idk man. That just seems toxic. And I am pretty sure if you fail Thane’s loyalty mission, you can’t romance him, so I’m guessing that’s true of Tali, too.

The ME2 companions don’t... totally give a shit what you are up to? Like Jack, Jacob and Thane come to mind as not having a very strong stance on most of what you are doing. You’d have to completely retool their characters to suddenly have very strong opinions on a lot of random shit. (and like, why *would* Jack care if you rewrite or destroy the geth hub? Also don’t rivalmance Jack????)

So... I dunno, there is potential there for sure, but I think having so many romanceable characters and a game that doesn’t revolve around a single moral issue makes it harder.

[gillian-greenwood]

My initial thoughts and theories on the upcoming series of Line Of Duty.

Okay so this introduction isn't the one I initially wrote, what started as a quick summary of my thoughts after seeing the trailer and easter eggs turned into hours of my brain going into the depths of Line of Duty madness. We are under a week to go until series 6 finally hits our screens and there has been so much more teased already with interviews with the cast and so on. So, here cometh an essay of me turning into Charlie from It's always Sunny in Philadelphia.

Before I go into each point, I've tried to split my thoughts into different sections as there are more significant things that I think will feature in Series 6. These are all what I personally think will happen or likely scenarios if I'm undecided - I've listened, watched and read plenty of other theories too and I've really been enjoying it. With a show such as this, we do go totally crazy! I did see something mere moments ago where Martin stated that he's seen some 'spot on' theories - 1) it makes me excited to hear the cast are reading what we think and 2) I've more than likely read what's going to happen but I don't know it at this point - that's kinda insane!

So, I'm now going to get into the main points and then will address smaller things later on. For those of you who read all my rambles and thoughts, I really appreciate it: hopefully then I'm not completely talking to myself. I could be right, I could be wrong in these. But that's part and parcel of theorising. I've seen some great theories and seen some crazy theories but I really appreciate anyone who has taken time to share them. I mean we've got to have the outrageous and completely nutty theories, we need a good giggle!

So here we go...

Who is the fourth “dot”?

The one question that has been firmly on all our minds over these past couple of years has been whom is the fourth person pulling all the strings for organised crime? We know H isn’t a singular person but a code name for multiple people. According to Dot’s dying declaration, there are four dots, or four caddies - however you want to call it. I'm definitely sick of the whole who's H question (hence referring to it as the fourth dot) as it has been established that H isn't just a person - but so many are still completely attached to the idea of H and I think it's because that whole plotline wasn't completely rounded off or people weren't satisfied with the revelation so have become quite obsessed with it. I’ve felt a bit strange about the whole revelation since series 5 aired in 2019 though - I felt it was a huge stretch Steve recognising the Morse code from one still frame and coming to the conclusion he shares with Ted - that Dot was trying to communicate in Morse Code - I’m going to elaborate more on the declaration further on.

But back to the main question before we trail off too far! We have several possibilities. Off the bat, I can’t see it being any of the main three at all. Already, Steve has been accused of being “the caddy” and Ted has been accused of being “H” (Which in fairness has transpired to be the same thing) - Kate on the other hand has not yet come under suspicion of being bent and involved with organised crime. The trailer has cleverly hinted that it may well be Kate’s turn at being on the other side of the table. But, it’s being too obvious - creating discussion - very similar to what happened with Ted. I know a lot of people have suspicion over Kate and have done for a long while and I can see why - I just can’t see it concluding that she's the definition of corrupt - she's not completely squeaky clean but I don't think she's been a mastermind in all of this. It would be a very shocking twist but it wouldn’t make loads of sense to me with other things that's happened in the show. I do feel though Kate deserves a whole section to herself so I'll definitely go over all that further on. Main three aside - we have three other favourable suspects in my eyes.

Firstly, PCC Rohan Sindhwani was introduced in series 5 - dedicated to exposing corruption amongst the police force, running on a platform of transparency and working alongside DCC Andrea Wise. We don’t see much of him however his one direct link to organised crime is Gill Biggeloe - his senior legal counsel who was exposed as being one of the corrupt members of the police force. When things continued to go “pear shaped” with Operation Pear Tree - his mantra of complete transparency meant that he’d have to highlight the lack of progress - however rightfully so he’s been advised to suppress the truth and Gill very conveniently stresses that he needs to retain public confidence - and that having a “non-exclusive relationship with the truth” is part of the role of the PCC. As series 5 wraps up, he looks uneasy about the conclusions of Operation Pear Tree that were shared with the public - that there was no links to corruption and organised crime - which were of course completely against his own personal principles. During series 5 he hasn’t really displayed any tendencies of being bent, quite frankly the complete opposite. Although that's not to say he isn't dodgy. The trailer for series 6 has cleverly been cut together and tried to make him appear suspicious. However, I think it’s extremely unlikely that it’ll be him - he’s far too new of a character and has supposed strong ambitions to cut out all the rotten apples within the ranks. Gill could have easily sent him astray but I'm just not buying him being involved with organised crime at all. So I’m happily ruling him out.

Next we have the newly promoted DSU Ian Buckells. Having first appeared all the way back in the beginning of series 1 as the SIO on the Jackie Laverty case, appointed by Derek Hilton - he was a bit of a verruca on TO20’s foot - therefore being made to feel unwelcome by DCI Tony Gates who he replaced - no surprise there. As the first series progresses - there’s not much reason to think of him as bent, he just looks like a detective lacking passion and just turns up to do what he has to do. There are little details though that become apparent when re-watching. He has a connection first and foremost to Derek Hilton having been appointed by him personally but even at this point, there wasn’t reason to suspect Hilton either - therefore plays off as a totally innocent matter. Next, after DC Kate Fleming interviews a young Ryan Pilkington, he turns up flustered and very disgruntled that Kate has proceeded to interview him - especially after it transpires she was an undercover officer from Anti-Corruption. On early viewing - it's easy to put that down to the fact Kate had gotten there first and because it transpired she was an UCO. But we never see what went on in the respective interview apart from Ryan asking for a Big Mac. We last see Buckells allowing Dot to talk to Tommy Hunter after he’s arrested - and we all know how that turned out. But, it does appear that Buckells hasn't got a clue what's going on, he just shrugs and gives that whole yeah no skin off my nose approach, displaying quite a laid-back and care free attitude still. Buckells reappears in series 4 as the replacement SIO on Operation Trap Door after DCI Roz Huntley is removed from the case, again appointed by Derek Hilton and coincidentally where Kate is again undercover. No surprise Kate looks worried as they'd already crossed paths at TO20. Hastings and Arnott quite rightly confront Buckells and instruct him to keep Fleming's true identity secret and if her cover was compromised, everyone would know who to blame. When her cover is initially blown, the first and foremost conclusion was Buckells had not listened to strict instructions given. However, after details of Kate's personal life were leaked also, Kate didn't feel like the leak had come from Buckells as it was unlikely he knew anything regarding that. And, when confronted, Buckells concluded spitefully that UCO's have a shelf life therefore easily being recognisable after time. This is the last we see of him. The theory that Buckells could be the fourth dot has certainly become more spoken about recently. He's been featured in the show since the beginning albeit for two of the series, and will be appearing in series 6 too, part of Hillside Lane nick. The fact he's quite an unpopular and quieter member of the force could hide him in plain sight to being bent. In black and white, the idea of Buckells ordering hits and pulling strings for some of the most dangerous criminals is kind of hilarious. But, evidently there are little details scattered during his stints on the show that have got people talking. I do feel Jed has always known from the start who's bent and who isn't or has at least had the basics thought out - I've never seen a writer with such sharp continuity, there are plenty of writers and creators that should really take note! But, moving on from my very slight tangent - do I think Buckells is the fourth dot? Okay, I've changed my mind on this numerous times but since watching the trailer, I'm more cemented on no. I think there could be some dodgy stuff going on with Buckells, he's ascended up the ranks quite quickly, even if he isn't the sharpest tool in the shed at times. We often say it's always the quiet ones. And he's had connections to Hilton but I'd be very surprised if he's been calling the shots. His whole demeanour could have been a farce from the off but I think we have more chance of floating up the lagan in a bubble. I mean he looked like he'd been caught robbing an orchard when he was confronted by Ted and Steve. I think he'll pose an interesting asset to the new series but I

don't think he'll be the main guy.

The third person is the new Chief Constable Philip Osborne. In series 1, he was the Chief Inspector for the Counter Terrorism Unit where Steve was involved in the wrongful killing of Karim Ali. He demanded that the team lie about the incident so the killing was justified however Steve refused and was ultimately removed from the unit and subsequently assigned to AC12. He does crop again as the series progresses, seemingly having a close relationship with Hilton (they all seem to be close to Hilton) and after DCI Tony Gates diverts the motive behind the murders on the Borogrove estate being linked to terrorism and not drug dealing. He's last seen at the inquest into the death of Karim Ali which led to no prosecutions for any of the officers involved. It has since been revealed he's the new Chief Constable of Central Police as of Series 6 and I'm sure he's bound to appear. Whilst not heavily featured over the show's run, I'm feeling it likely for him to be the fourth dot. Just like Buckells, he's had direct connection to Hilton and definitely appeared to have at least a professional friendship. He was quick to order a cover up into a wrongful shooting. And was very willing to help with the possible terrorism links with the incidents on the Borogrove Estate which were bogus. Whilst off-screen he's worked his way up to the top. Ted remarks in the trailer "A bare faced liar, promoted to our highest office!" - and whilst it alludes to him talking about Sindhwani - I think that's going to be way too obvious. I think he's either talking to or talking about Osborne. Of course Ted was very supportive of Steve during the inquest in series 1 and was definitely not impressed by Osborne's actions and wouldn't be pleased with him being the CC. Also, the show would ultimately be going full circle to the beginning again and I really like the idea of that happening. So much of series 1 has been significant later on. We've not had much screen time with Osborne but I think he's my favourite to be the fourth dot. He certainly fits the bill of being corrupt and has plausible connections. There's a scene with Osborne, Hilton and Dot in series 1 and I certainly love the idea of three of the most corrupt officers being thrown right in our faces right at the beginning and us all being none the wiser. I'd considered him before but after the trailer and easter eggs, it's looking far more likely. Of course no one knew that the show would have become the roaring success it has back in series 1 however I am confident Jed had foundations in place and possible scenarios as to where the show would go.

In conclusion, there are plenty of possibilities of who this mysterious fourth dot is, but I'm happy with my conclusion of Osborne. Hopefully after the seven episodes I can either be impressed with my deductions or cringe as to why I ever came to such conclusions!

Dot Cottan's Dying Declaration

Series 3 concluded with the death of DI Matthew Cottan whom AC12 finally learned was the real caddy and not DS Steve Arnott who Dot had tried to pin it on. His explosive exit is mine and many people's favourite series finale. We only saw a glance of his declaration that DC Kate Fleming took - that then led to the conviction of Patrick Fairbank. It's not until series 4 however where PC Maneet Bindra is blackmailed to harvest this declaration and we as viewers finally get to view more - having been recorded on a fellow officers body-cam. Kate tries to get Dot to reveal the top dog by asking him "blink twice for the first letter of his name" - we all know he blinks at H however the medics intervene before Kate can get him to finish. This was of course the first encounter with "H". We revisit Dot's dying declaration in series 5 during Ted's questioning by AC3 - again we're shown the same part, slightly extended to showcase the morse code sequence, however, Kate's dialogue is different - now saying "right, blink with the first two letters of his name." I personally never noticed this until I saw others discussing it and apparently they differed in the scripts too so was a deliberate move by Jed. I think this will be picked up in some regard and Kate herself will come under fire for it. I believe the body-cam footage was actually shot along with series 4 and Craig Parkinson was invited back for the scenes which subsequently featured again in series 5 too - and I'm feeling confident they shot both versions as Jed would have likely had future plots planned out. Like series 1-3 had some kind of arc, I think 4-6 is the exact same and a lot of things will be rounded off. I imagine it will be picked up that there are two versions of the declaration. I know there are very mixed feelings on this subject but knowing the way Jed works, the differences will be significant. I will be very shocked and disappointed if this is not addressed but seeing how we left the previous series with more questions thanks to the declaration, it surely has to feature again. The question of why it was changed? I think it was more than likely doctored by Hilton to try and incriminate Hastings for being H - blinking for the first two letters, H being first, Kate trying to start the sequence again but being cut off by medics, what's first? A! Hilton replaced the original with the edited version which was able to be accessed by the necessary personnel however I'm sure the original still exists somewhere, possibly for leverage? But how could he have changed the dialogue and make it sound convincing? It's farfetched and I mean I'm sure anything's possible but the whole Morse Code thing was also very farfetched too so I'm at that point of my tether where that could honestly happen. Hastings of course has seen both versions and Kate having been the one taking the declaration surely would have noticed but there is no indication that he's noticed a difference nor Kate. And after the meeting he shared with Hilton in series 4, I'm sure that was the trigger of him editing it. Or Kate could have edited herself which a lot of fans have suggested but the only was she'd have access surely is if she was bent - this is a really hard one because there's a lot of theories! Mine is a wild and very patchy theory but I just can't see them not addressing the fact that they were different. Again I'll cover a bit more about Kate's possible involvement in her own section.

And mentioning the Morse code aspect of the declaration - anyone I've spoken to personally about it were left feeling conflicted with the whole idea. Is it going to be a total red-herring and Steve has clearly been barking up the wrong tree? No doubt there is still someone who's very corrupt within the force but I wouldn't have left the series hanging on that revelation if it were to turn out to have no meaning. Also, there were many easier ways of indicating the number four - but then again Dot was pretty much dead at this point so wasn't exactly able to function properly, haha!

To summarise I think we'll see the declaration again and both versions will be flagged and we'll find out why. If we're thinking about series 4, 5 and 6 having an arc, it is a very important aspect to be answered and concluded. I'm rather excited about them going into this again. I can see Hilton having doctored the footage but Kate will come under fire for it. Or maybe Kate did it herself, but why? What has she got to gain, unless she's bent, or been blackmailed? This is going to be a headache, I can sense it now! Imagine if we got the answers from Dot himself... nah, he's dead.

DCI Joanne Davidson

Kelly MacDonald has taken over the lead guest role baton and it's very exciting! We have finally seen more than a glimpse of her character in the trailer and teaser. All we know thus far is she is the DCI at Hillside Lane Station and that she'll be coming under scrutiny for her handling of the Gail Vella murder case. Kate appears to be on her team (as herself or undercover is currently a mystery) and alongside we have DSU Buckells, PS Farida Jatri and newcomer DS Lomax (Played by Perry Fitzpatrick). Honestly one of the first questions that plagued on my mind was will she survive? Four out of the five prior lead guest stars have met a grizzly end. I mean let's face it Roz didn't exactly escape unscathed either with only one hand left. It's hard to judge before the series starts on the guest lead. We were led up the wrong path last series with Stephen Graham. I know this next series will be jam-packed and the most insane yet so I'm expecting a lot from Kelly's character! I think she's going to be the most complex of the leads and I think we'll be often changing our minds about her - from what we've seen she seems a promising and good copper, but PS Jatri has stated in the trailer 'you don't know what's she's capable of,' very exciting! I'm looking forward to her being interrogated, she'll knock those scenes out of the park! It's hard to put predictions out there when there's not a lot to go on but I'm sure I'll have more solid theories once the series has started!

Have Kate and Steve really left AC12?

We've been accustom to a couple of teasers. Steve talking to his ex Nicola Rogerson about feeling that his road with anti-corruption is at an end and looking likely to be joining her team. Maybe he does feel this way because he still hasn't got his promotion!!! Some people have suggested he might have instead been demoted, ouch! Then Kate out with Joanne and her team, referring to her as 'boss'. I'm sure Kate's undercover but perhaps maintaining the farce that she's moved on from AC12. As Ian Buckells stated, UCO's have a shelf-life and I'm sure she'd be recognised by most forces now, especially with the awards she's won. Then again she could just be plainly undercover - what surnames beginning with F hasn't she used? Haha! We haven't seen Steve undercover in the same way as Kate, he was technically undercover when being all pally with Lindsay Denton but it would be cool to see him as a full blown UCO and I don't think he'd be suspected. But why would Steve be going undercover? That's what I'd be unsure on. Again, plenty of questions with not many answers. AC12 has come under fire plenty of times so it's likely it's in favour of being dissolved, especially with an easter egg of CC Osborne highlighting AC12 as a cause of concern, especially with Ted running the ranks still. Or is it a massive twist that Kate has really left and Steve is following suit? I remember when they first started filming in early 2020 there was a tweet shared with a picture of Martin, Adrian and Jed - captioned "But where's Kate?" - of course we were all quick to speculate that she was undercover but from the information we now have, she may in fact have moved on. We know she has rekindled her marriage but things still looked rocky - maybe she has left to save her marriage by working in a department where she's going to be a 'better mum and wife.' (Come on her husband was a total dick.) However, I do like the idea of the fact that she's undercover, but only Ted knows, so even Steve believes her AC12 days are over - and that could even be ammunition for him to leave as he's got itchy feet not having Kate as his working partner anymore - but as I said maybe Steve is moving on because there's no promotion or even a demotion. (Oh I love the joking about his poor promotion that got lost in the post). But, from other behind the scenes snippets we've seen also, our favourite trio look to be working together within AC12, so whatever happens, they'll be all back in their rightful places eventually. To add, Adrian said on Graham Norton the first episode starts in an unexpected place with a lot for us to get our heads around - so I imagine things are going to appear very different first thing and our favourites being absent is looking highly likely! Weighing up the options, I am leaning towards Kate being secretly undercover whilst everyone believes she's in fact moved on. I'm guessing Steve will be going undercover as well, I don't feel he'd leave AC12 on his own accord with so much still unsolved without absolute good reason - unless of course, no promotion (I'll stop now).

Has Steve Arnott FINALLY got his promotion?

(Sorry I'm not stopping) A major running joke now - poor Steve has remained a DS throughout the show. Whilst Kate progressed from DC to DI between series 3 and 5. Series 4 featured both Steve and Kate eager to progress to Detective Inspector. Ted favoured Steve due to 'experience' - leaving Kate extremely disheartened. Fair enough though, Steve had a lot more years under his belt at the Sergeant level. However Ted had been accused of being sexist and I think that made him uncomfortable. But firstly, Steve found himself in another situation half way through series 4 - being attacked with a baseball bat and chucked down some stairs - leaving him unable to walk and facing the prospect of never walking again. This of course would put any ambitions on hold and something Ted would have to consider too. It's not really touched upon in the rest of the series. When we return in series 5, we quickly learn that Kate is now a DI. More than likely due to Steve's accident but could also be to tick boxes too - Gill Biggeloe does make a point of highlighting that Ted had promoted a woman and joked that would exactly be what a sexist would do. There doesn't appear to be any hostility between Kate and Steve throughout series 5 in regards to this but I do side with Kate on the fact he kept quiet about Corbett being the CHIS because she was an inspector - not the only reason but one of them. Then again, Steve has a tendency to get himself in situations so it's no surprise. Moving forward to the golden question, I think we've all noticed that Steve's epaulettes have been conveniently hidden in promos - however eagle-eyed fans have concluded that it looks like he does in fact have the inspector epaulettes in the trailer. About time! The circumstances around his promotion are hard to guess though. Will he get promoted in the middle of the series - it deserves all the fuss after all right? Or will he be replacing Kate because she's 'moved on' - who knows but I'm feeling confident we'll wrap up series six with Detective Inspector Steve Arnott. Imagine if Jed was teasing us and he doesn't get promoted or has in fact been demoted to DC - it's safe to say we'll all be unhappy haha!

Oh boy, what's occurring with Kate?

Over the past five series, Kate Fleming has been awfully lucky and escaped the main brutal drama - usually Steve being handed it. All she's really endured is her cover being blown on undercover operations, having an affair with her friend Jayne's husband who turned out to be as dodgy as Jayne and ultimately being kicked out of the family home as a result and losing custody of her son - and getting a good kick in the gut from Lindsay Denton. In comparison, not as brutal to almost getting a finger amputated and being chucked down some stairs along with numerous failed relationships. As I mentioned before, Steve and Ted have been accused of being bent - got to be Kate's turn now right? Definitely a bookies favourite of being 'H' (Come on folks, we know H isn't a person anymore.) or being the fourth person. I'm sure anyone who follows my blog can see who my favourite is and how I'll be very devastated if she turns out to be corrupt. But I'm feeling quite sure that she'll finally be the other side of the table officially (being questioned in series 1 and 3 doesn't count in my books as she was undercover). We've already had a teaser of herself and Joanne being surrounded by armed police - and Steve and Ted (Is this the first time Steve's seen her in a while? I'm leaning towards this being the case), looking terrified and having a gun on her - so yes - we do already know there will be Kate drama at this point. Line of Duty is always full of surprises. A big twist has been teased in episode 4 - will Kate be involved? I reckon it's likely. We've seen a police car appear to fly off road into water - and I'm pretty sure Kate will be in that car! Out of the trio - we definitely know the least about Kate. All we really know is that she trained at Ryton, is married with a son and not much else. She explained to Ryan her parents split when she was young and was out of the house a lot cos of this, not caring what she got up to. Eagle eyed fans would also know her full name is Katherine Laura and her maiden name was Donnelly (Series 2 whilst Denton was looking at her file). It would be interesting to learn more about her background as we really don't know much! At the end of series 5 we see her arrive home late to an empty house - her husband and son having gone to the pictures as planned - I do think they were certainly alluding to the next series (With Steve also but I'll get to that) - we'll see more of her personal side. You know I wouldn't be surprised if she was separated again.

And because we know so little, has she been dodgy from the off and we haven't known? Someone shared a really interesting theory on the basis of what she shared with Ryan, (featured on the shrine of duty podcast) that in her teens, someone may have attempted to recruit her just like Dot was but she saw through it, knowing it would lead to something that it would be best to stay clear of. Was she a troublemaker in her teens? Up to all sorts of anti-social behaviour? I love this idea and can totally see it! We know Steve's story of ending up in AC12 and we know Ted's background in the Royal Ulster Constabulary. But we don't know much about Kate's circumstances of joining the force or even AC12 - I would love to find out more about that!

Could her husband be dodgy? We don't know much about him at all. That would be an interesting twist. There's definitely still hostility there and I was surprised they got back together.

Especially from series 5, a lot more people have leant towards Kate being bent, being the fourth dot, etc. I've already said I can't see her being bent, or not in the same terms as Dot for example. Some people believe Dot took the bullet because she was in on stuff, but pulling the caddy investigation in on Dot wouldn't make much sense then. That all seemed to me she was doing the right thing and wanting the appropriate persons brought to justice. However a lot of her decisions in series 5 have come under fire from fans. For example not taking a declaration from Hargreaves, not addressing Ted's unlawful Fahreinheit order until after the events played out to name a couple. Even still, all her decisions to me seemed to warrant doing good and going after whoever it was being bent. I mean she had been happy to go after both Steve and Ted but I always saw that because she wanted the bent coppers getting their comeuppance - and in both instances, instead discovered other people were in fact the culprits and did what she could to put the investigations in the right direction. I mean yes she's happy to pin stuff on anyone but herself but that doesn't mean she's dodgy, just that she wants to get the job done - I don't think anyone would lead an investigation straight for themselves, that's just silly!

Has she edited Dot's declaration? I think the only two logical people are either Kate herself or Hilton as I've previously discussed. We'll see her come under fire for some things for sure and that would be one of them!

I've never been a huge fan of any of the main three being corrupt - I think any copper can do things that could be seen as bent, but that's what happens when you have the power of the law. All three have made questionable decisions. I don't think it's possible to be squeaky clean as anyone can make decisions that lead to consequences.

To summarise, I think Kate will be accused of being bent, I think she's going to have a lot of drama coming her way. I think she's going to get in a lot of bother. But I don't think she's going to be what we'd call bent. I think we'll learn things we won't expect about her, especially regarding her personal life. What I know for sure it's going to be exciting, thrilling, action-packed - and I cannot wait to see Kate's prime time to shine.

Steve and a painkiller addiction?

In the series 5 'wrap-up' - we see Steve alone in his flat taking medication - clearly for his back. Some fans looked into that sequence as foreshadowing to a possible pain-killer addiction? It would be an interesting turn for his character. There was a point where he wasn't sure if he was going to walk again and has clearly been dosed up on painkillers since the incident. One of the easter eggs that's been shared is of his prescription - and I'm certain he's still on the medication when we resume - one of the medications he's taking has a warning of causing addiction. Addiction in drama is usually focused on illegal drugs - but not often with prescribed medications. I don't think Jed would have had a sequence focused on Steve's medication if it weren't to be significant. He's clearly still coming to terms with his injury and its affected him in the bedroom too - I won't be surprised if poor Steve is still having issues - maybe that's why he turned down a drink with Nicola and not because he was trying to be professional. Maybe it's why he's leaving AC12. He came back to work on his own decision, I don't think a professional would have advised his return to work so early and now that's catching up to him. We've seen a lot of physical stunts upcoming, and Steve on the front-line with a firearm. I won't be surprised if his medication causes issues or he actually ends up causing more damage to his back, especially because he appears to be in a white van and we know there is a stunt involving a white van! I think his injuries will seriously catch up to him!

Returning characters?

We've had the surprise of Nicola Rogerson reappearing for the first time since series 2 (mentioned in series 3). Most of the time surprise returns are kept under wraps until transmission. Lindsay Denton's return in series 3 probably being one of the biggest and most notable cases. The trailer also revealed PC Farida Jatri will be appearing in series 6, first appearing as an officer on Roz Huntley's team at Polk Avenue. I think we all like to check IMDb to see if anything has been spilled, Steph Corbett has appeared on the list and whilst that's actually plausible seeing Ted looked as if he were giving her the missing 50k, IMDb has often had incorrect cast listings on purpose. I'm pretty confident Philip Osborne will be returning. I imagine we will see Sam Railston again too. I would love Nigel Morton and his cane to return, he's got off lightly to say the least, and he definitely knows what to and not to get involved in. And with a video from Martin's instagram, we've seen both Anna Maxwell Martin and Gregory Piper lurking so I'm happy to assume DCS Carmichael and Ryan Pilkington will be back for sure. I believe the two shady prison officers who made Lindsay Denton a cup of tea look likely to reappear, that will be interesting! With Jed, anyone who isn't dead could return... Then again remember when he posted that picture of Stephen and Craig and people went nuts thinking Dot was really alive? And, there's been a lot of teasing as to who could crop up. Lindsay Denton's name has been floating around the past couple of days thanks to Jed, she's quite frankly dead but will we get a flashback or some new footage? I think we will all go nuts if Keeley Hawes had sneakily returned to film new stuff, especially with her very hectic schedule, that woman hasn't stopped. Anything's possible at this point. We can't always trust everything but that's part of the fun of it!

A new character we haven't seen but has been mentioned!

I'll briefly touch on this. It has been alluded a character will pop up that has been mentioned in passing but never been seen before. Popular theories include somebody off Danny Waldron's list (Plausible after Fairbank was see in the trailer again) or one of the officers off the H board. I am personally leaning towards Dot Cottan's ex missus turning up. She was mentioned to Kate by Dot, and we know she works in forensics, a very convenient place to work if things need tampering with. I just think she'd be the most interesting person to turn up after all this time, mentioned once and never again - it's surprising seeing Dot turned out to be bent and she was working in the force too...

What next with Ted?

Ted did go through a lot at the end of series 5. Being accused of being H, murdering John Corbett, Anne-Marie McGillis and being bribed with 50k (Sorry 100k but shh they don't need to know that). Ted was cleared on all charges but has been given a final written warning. AC12 is definitely going to be under the watchful eye of the higher ups as alluded too in easter eggs. We've seen Ted very distressed in a lift and him getting awfully flustered at the Police Headquarters. I don't think his troubles are going to be over any time soon. The case of the other 50k could possibly come up again, seeing Mark Moffatt was sure to stress it was 100k. We don't know what happened between him and Steph, and with her supposedly reappearing - it's likely it'll be revisited. Will his money troubles be any better? Is he finally going to be out of the Edge Park Hotel with the dodgy toilet? Has he finally moved on from Roisin? I saw a suggestion from someone somewhere (can't remember who or where) that Roisin was now involved with someone who may be the corrupt officer, god could you imagine if her new fella turned out to be Osborne? What a way to really kick Ted whilst he's already down. There were also a couple of other things too that were left unanswered. Why did Ted REALLY dispose of his laptop (come on Ted, no one disposes their laptop for watching naughty things)? What did Ted say to Lee Banks? I don't think we'll ever learn the latter and that'll be down to audience interpretation but the laptop definitely needs to be addressed again. Is Ted actually dodgy? He ain't H put it that way but he's made some questionable decisions. Right now I want to know what's got him upset in the lift! And will Ted reach the end of his journey at AC12?! I really hope not but he's skating on thin ice being on a final warning, and the higher ups don't have a lot of trust to say the least.

Ryan in the police force.

At the end of series 5, Ryan has begun his police training. We've been told roughly 18 months have passed between the two series so I reckon if all's gone well (It has, of course it has) - he'll be a police officer somewhere within central police, being naughty. As already mentioned, we have seen Gregory Piper behind the scenes - so we'll be seeing Ryan again, which was inevitable really. It's hard to guess where he'll turn up but more than likely away from the trio. However I'm looking forward to Steve coming face to face with him again. He's managed to lie-low and not be detected by the team - as far as they're aware, most if not all of the OCG has been neutralised. He did a pretty good job staying out of the way with all the drama that happened. In the trailer, I did notice Ryan's picture on the infamous board - so he's definitely going to be detected - but how, by who and when? I'm looking forward to seeing how it all unravels but I'm sure it's going to be explosive.

Is Dot Cottan alive in witness protection?

Did he really die? Well... Nahhh you thought I was really going to talk about this? I love Dot, he's one of my favourite characters and I do deep down think it would be awesome for him to be alive somewhere. But realistically I do think it would be a big 'cop out'. He's Dot Cottan, not Dirty Den... Yeah yeah we never saw a mention of a funeral and the camera panned out before he officially died but yeah I think he looked pretty screwed, don't you? I will admit that I was low-key hoping that picture of the geezer leaving those flats was Dot... I do miss all the series 5 speculation. But yeah, Dot Cottan is definitely dead.

My overall hopes for Series 6.

I'm definitely not the only one who's hoping six won't be the last series. It has now been revealed that Jed 'doesn't know' and suggesting that everything that needs answering will be this series. Just like in series 3. Series 3 was the best series so far and I'm hoping series 6 will live up to that, and the cast have certainly teased that it will. It feels weird knowing so much could be wrapped up in seven weeks. I'm going to make the most of this series seeing a seventh might not be on the cards. I trust Jed and if the show comes to a natural conclusion after this then needs must. I think we'll have a better understanding if the show could go on once we have seen all of series 6! I really hope Steve finally gets his promotion and things will start to look up for him. Ted as well, he's had nothing but crap shovelled into his bubble recently. I also hope we get plenty of explosive Kate scenes which I think we definitely will. Having only seen a little of Kelly MacDonald in action so far I can't create any hopes without seeing more. Maybe she'll be the first lead guest star to survive and with all limbs in tact. As one of Scotland's finest actresses - I know that we'll be in for a real treat! I'm hoping for DCS Carmichael to have lots of scenes - I actually really love her character and hope to find out more about her. Seeing Anna sneaking in the background of one of Martin's instagram stories, no doubt she's reappearing as I mentioned before. I'm hoping for an explosive reunion with Ryan and Steve. I'm excited for all the Tedisms. I'm looking forward to bad-ass queen Kate. Oh and I can't wait to hear our favourite beeeeeeeeepppppp - interrogation scenes are really the best. I'm feeling like this will be the greatest and most explosive series yet.

Oh boy, this has taken up a lot of my time and I'm glad I didn't finish until some more information had come to light. I want to thank anyone who read all of this long ass post. I want to thank a couple of my absolute favourite blogs for giving me a push to finish and share this. I know I've probably missed some stuff but what was going to be quick thing turned into hours. These theories could be correct, could be completely wrong! But I'm looking forward to re-reading this after everything's happened. I'm not sure whether I'll share thoughts after every episode yet but if my mind is whirring enough I'm sure I'll conjure up something! It's almost 4am and I'm glad to be done with this! I'll be curious to know what you think! I apologise if I have made any mistakes in this but I've gone through and think all information is correct, if not, Ted will be issuing me with a Reg 15 quicker than you can say houl yer whisht!

Much love and gearing up for Sunday!

[hello-im-not-a-possum]

29. Mud

Norman visits the Lost and Searching town to discover that taking Sammy out of the place hasn’t taken the crazy out of it. In fact, considering that they weren’t stuffing mud down their throats when Sammy was around, Norman suspects that the Prophet leaving might have made things worse for them. (Set somewhere in the FIFE AU after Norman sneezes the projector off his head.)

The former Projectionist assumed that Thomas and Henry were exaggerating when they talked about the state of the town.

When he went to it himself, it was as gloomy and shabby as they described it, but it didn’t look too different from the last time he saw it, sure, there was new graffiti, but . But even just glancing over it, either they had gotten leaps and bounds better at hiding their traps or there weren’t any set up in the first place. The Fence they had described was there, as was the sentry shack, but the searcher manning it let him in without much hassle.

But then again, maybe it was easier to see internal change when it had external signs of it. ...Like not having a projector for a head anymore. Sure he kinda missed the few benefits it gave, but not enough to seek out a way to get it back.

The last time he visited the place, he stayed on the other side of the fence as no one would let him in and it looked like a complete ghost town.

This time however, saw a few people out and about, and he felt like he was being watched. With a few exceptions, the town didn’t seem frightened or on guard, just curious. One of them even grew brave enough to approach him.

“You have a face..?” The intrigued Lost One questioned. “And its features intact?”

“Uh, Yes..?” Norman responded. “It surprised me too when I went an’ looked in the mirror.”

The Lost one nodded and asked something else.

“How did you get it back?”

“Not sure, honestly. It just… happened? I sneezed so hard that the projector went an’ flew off.”

The Lost one covered up its mouth to stifle a laugh.

“Don’t ya worry, I laughed too after the dust settled and all.”

“I’m no expert but I think the Council would want to see you.” The lost one took Norman’s hand and gestured for him to follow. “Sure, you clearly aren’t completely human, but you’re closer than any of us ever got...”

Norman raised an eyebrow but didn’t disagree. Part of him was curious, he’s heard of the council, but never knowingly met any of them face to face.

His Inky escort took him to the biggest building in the town, it vaguely resembled a church, complete with a giant bell on the tower in the center of the building. And led him inside.

There were moments where he missed the few conveniences having a projector for a head gave him. This was one of them; the inside of the building was pitch black and he couldn’t see a foot in front of his own face. The area had a strong earthy smell with a few traces of the signature ink smell he was used to in the studio.

The two had sunk up to their knees in warm mud, thankfully, it didn’t seem like it was rising any further but it was still uncomfortable given the circumstances.

“They’re somewhere in here…” The Lost one murmured as it led him deeper into the building. “At least, they gotta be…”

“So… This stuff we’re walkin’ though, is it mud or something else?”

“Just warm mud, although I have no idea how it’s heated.”

“...That’s reassurin’...”

After a while, Norman and the Lost one started to hear the sounds of chewing, it kinda sounded like a bunch of people eating poorly cooked oatmeal with their mouths open.

“Hello?” Norman called out. “Any council members here?”

“You…” The voice of the former accountant piped up. “You used to be… the projectionist, right?”

“Grant? Is that you?”

The creature sounded like it swallowed something before answering.

“I was him, I’m supposed to be him.. I WILL be him again… I’ll have a- MY human body back.. We just need to find the right way to make it work… find and perform the right ritual… This one seems to be working for now...”

“Grant.” Norman was now thankful that he couldn’t fucking see what was happening in the room as he doubted he’d be able to unsee whatever’s going on in it. “...Are... y’all eatin’ mud in the dark?”

“Yes, but it’s so much MORE than just that! Think about it Norman, you’ve always been one of the brighter bulbs in the box, so many of us condemned to our fates as we had drank the ink, so how do we regain our humanity? We need to eat flesh.”

“Y’ALL ARE EATIN’ PEOPLE?!”

“Oh! Oh no, there wouldn’t be enough to feed the whole town without arousing suspicions, so for now we simply have to use things symbolic of human flesh, like what the gods used to create the first humans; the earth itself.”

“So eatin’ mud, and pretending that it’s people, got it.”

“Listen, Ah know that it seems… strange, from your point of view, Ah don’t blame ya for it, Polk.” A woman’s voice chimed in. “Frankly, Ah don’t want ya ta understand, Ah don’t think any of us does…”

“I’ll take your word for it.”

“So…” Grant’s voice piped back up. “You have your head back, slightly different, sure, but still, unmistakably, yours.”

“Yes?”

“What ritual did you preform to get it back?”

“I don’t know!” Norman threw his hands up in annoyance. “I didn’t go in thinkin’ I was performin’ some kinda fancy humanity-recoverin’ ritual, I was just playing a movie on my head, I sneezed, my head fell of and this one popped back in.” He sighed. “I don’t even know if I deserved it, I wasn’t over the damn moon with what I became, but I was just gettin’ comfortable with it. There were a lot of people who I think really needed my stroke of luck more than I did...”

“I see…”

Norman heard a bunch of murmurs within the room, enough to make him wonder how big the council really was.

“If you wish to leave, then you are dismissed, thank you for your time and for not wasting ours.”

“And if you wish to stay… you may, for a while.”

“No thanks, I’ll be going now.”

“See you soon…” A chorus of them echoed in unison.

“Damn…” Norman whispered under his breath as he got out of the council’s earshot. “They’ve really gone off the deep end without Sammy keepin’ them in check…”

[seraphanangelica]

I Hope You Suffer

Bakugo x Fem! Reader Angst

Feat. Midoriya

I wrote this a LONG time ago, and I’m posting it on here for nostalgic reasons. It’s also on my Wattpad 😂

Warnings: Violence, language, Bakugo being a prick

I stared hatefully at the two pieces of paper that laid all alone on my otherwise empty mahogany desk. Two letters, to be precise, were from him, the one person who I absolutely hated right now. Right when we were getting serious he just had to make me look like a fool. He just had to try to weaken me.

With an enraged scream, I shot a beam of fire at the papers that tore my heart in a million pieces, making them turn to ash instantly, same for the desk. For a second, I stared at the pile of ash with a blank expression on my face, a split second of emotionless behavior.

"SHIT!!!!" I screamed, sinking to the black stained carpet that was supposed to be white. I had burned so much stuff in this room that I gave up on trying to clean the floors. I buried my face in the palms of my hands, pulling my H/L H/C hair out of frustration.

How could he do this to me? What have I done to him to deserve this? They all warned me. They said it would end like this--ugly and uncaring.

"WHY?!" I slammed my fists on the floor, leaving marks of ash in the exact shape of my fists. My breath became ragged, the source of my air leaving. It was like the world was mocking me, disgracing my actions. But it wasn't me they needed to mock. It was him.

The next day at school, I didn't talk to anyone as I walked onto campus. I just wanted to get class over with. Right now, everyone was annoying, laughing and joking, smiling at their wonderful day. Whatever, it's not like they knew what happened. I can't just expect them to automatically know and come talk to me.

I walked slower than my usual speedy pace, not caring if I was late at all. Today, Aizawa could kiss my ass, as well as all the heroes here. knowing the person I dreaded to see would start something up, chances were high that I would break a myriad of school rules just to see him fall.

"Y/N!! Wait up!" Izuku shouted, running up to me and putting a hand on my shoulder to get my attention. "You didn't return my calls last night. I was worried that something was wrong." He said with concern, but with the ever-present smile on his face.

I smiled my best fake smile and nodded once, waving my hand in a dismissive gesture as we walked, still very slowly, towards 1-A. "Yeah, sorry about that, Izuku," I looked behind my shoulder, scanning the students until I saw a very familiar head of spiky blonde hair. "I was a little preoccupied last night." I scowled, venom on my tongue.

Izuku stopped smiling. After a second, he stopped walking. "I know you, Y/N, more than you think. That smile isn't real." He put his hands in his pockets and looked up at me worriedly. I just shrugged and continued walking, not waiting for Izuku, knowing he'd catch up to ask more questions.

Looking behind to where I was previously, his frown turned to slight anger. "Did something happen with you and Kacchan?" He glanced me look of pity, making me scoff.

"And if something did? Please don't pity me, I don't need it or want it. And don't do anything rash." I added the last part just as Izuku clenched his fists in attempt to not say anything. When he didn't respond, I knew he was most likely thinking of what he'd do if Katsuki hurt me again.

It was silent as we entered the classroom, sadly separating to go to our seats. I took my seat next to Todoroki, who as I was worried about, because he notices everything. Won't be long until he notices I'm not talking to Katsuki like I always do.

Sighing inwardly, I folded my arms on the desk and used them as a pillow as I hid my face, praying when Katsuki entered the room he wouldn't say anything. Did I just think Katsuki and not saying anything in the same sentence?

I could practically sense Todoroki looking at me curiously due to my odd behavior, but it's not like I cared. To be honest, who really does? I heard Todoroki sigh quietly, probably giving up trying to figure out what my problem was. I just wanted silence. Like everything I did, it was a wasted endeavor.

"DEKU YOU BASTARD!!"

My head snapped up and I saw Katsuki yelling at Izuku as always. Wonder what Izuku didn't do this time. I didn't pay much mind to it nowadays since Izuku got his quirk, explaining it was late manifestation. But considering the circumstances from last night, things have changed.

Before Izuku could even open his mouth to respond, I stepped in, laughing my ass off. Of course the laugh was fake, but it was more convincing than my smile.

"THE FUCK YOU LAUGHING AT, L/N?" Katsuki shouted, his attention turned away from my best friend. I put my finger up for him to give a second as I was seriously struggling to get air, standing up so I could breathe easier. Katsuki looked shocked that someone told him to wait so they could respond - they would just cower.

"You just...need to.... One second." There were a few laughs from the other students as I continued taking deep breaths, once again putting my finger up, telling him to wait even longer. I quickly regained my posture and spoke with a smirk, "You just need to change what you say more often. 'Deku you bastard' is way too overused."

Katsuki returned my smirk, his darker and more cruel. "You know what else is overused? You calling me by my first name. It's Bakugo to you now." Silence consumed the classroom, a couple people gasped. By this time, the whole of 1-A knew we had broken up.

I clenched my fists and walked up to Bakugo so we were but a foot apart. "WHAT DID I DO, HUH?! YOU JUST DROP ME LIKE I'M NOTHING? THROW ME AWAY LIKE A FUCKING PIECE OF TRASH?!"

He rolled his eyes and scowled, something deadly that I might not survive. Well, there's nothing to live for now. "You're just an obstacle in my way, an extra. You are nothing," He pushed me lightly, making me stumble back. "You are just a piece of trash, something, as you said is so easily thrown away." By now he had me against the wall, his arm pinning me to it.

I tried to look calm and menacing, but my eyes gave me away, I already knew it. So, as I hated him, I tried to hit him where it hurts. More specifically, his pride. "An extra? Oh, please. You do know you're the only one here who doesn't think of yourself as one too? There are people more talented and powerful here than you, and they don't think of me as an extra."

"SHUT UP! I'M NOT AN EXTRA! THE ONLY REASON THEY DON'T CONSIDER YOU AS AN ONE IS BECAUSE THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU EXIST AND THEY COULDN'T CARE LESS ABOUT A PATHETIC THING LIKE YOU!"  Bakugo grabbed the collar of my shirt and pulled off the wall just to slam me back against it, the impact making me shudder.

What happened next was like slow motion to me. My E/C eyes saw Iida shouting at Bakugo to sit down, just as Bakugo raised his fist that was surround by explosions at me. With shouts of rage, Izuku and Todoroki grabbed him and tried pulling him away from me. It deemed useless when Bakugo broke free of their hold, and turning back to me. Just as I was about to be exploded into bits, a familiar white/grey scarf captured Bakugo, and drug him away from the area.

I was frozen in place, my shock taking hold of my mind. I was numb to the world and frankly, I liked it. Two things he had said to me hung in my mind like poison. He had called me a thing. Is that really how he sees me? That, though, was nothing compared to what he screamed as he was dragged back to his seat by Aizawa. 'I hate you, Y/N L/N'.

Not caring who was watching, I sunk to my knees and finally cried, letting my tears fall in ugly and loud sobs, completely missing the quick flash of regret in Bakugo's face. He reminded himself that he needed to do what he did so he could become the best. Before  I could see the true feelings of Katsuki Bakugo, he went back to the profile of a heartless, broken beast.

"I-I just can't believe Kacchan would do that to you."  Izuku stuttered as we walked out of UA and headed to the nearest diner. I hadn't eaten lunch since Bakugo would be there, so Izuku insisted that he'd take me to get something to eat. Truly, I didn't mind as long as he pays; free food is free food.

"It's alright, really. He had a problem, and he got rid of it. Simple enough." I put my hands in my jacket pockets and slouched, a complete giveaway towards my emotions. I can't keep anything away from those who know everything about me.

Izuku surprisingly didn't even look at me as I said what I thought. Honestly, I've been telling myself I was just a problem and something in the way ever since I started attending UA. As much as Izuku and everyone else tries to tell me, I deny every time they do, I don't believe it when they say I'm worth it. Bakugo just confirmed my thoughts.

"You just called yourself a problem," Izuku shook his head. "But you're not. Why do you put yourself down like this?" By now, my green haired friend was fully convinced I was at some level depressed from the situation.

I shrugged as we approached the restaurant, reaching the door first and holding it open for Izuku. "It's the truth, I am well aware it hurts." I said simply, sitting at a random table by the window so I could at least breath a bit. Bored very quickly, I picked up the menu and scanned my eyes over the list of food.

Izuku sat across from me and frowned at the table, a truly sad and broken expression present on his face. I wanted to question what it was for, but decided against it quickly when he looked up, our eyes meeting, green to E/C. He sighed and shook his head again as if he were wanting to tell me something and was restraining himself before he could.

The waitress arrived then, and we ordered our drinks and food, avoiding eye contact with everything and everyone. She nodded and then left, scribbling the last things on her notepad. When she was out of sight, we continued the conversation.

"What happened yesterday? You and Kacchan seemed fine at school, and now you can't even speak his name." He said after a long couple seconds' silence. I stayed silent, looking at the dark brown table with sudden interest in the illusion of texture. "Tell me, Y/N." He pressed. One day, his caring too much will have big consequences for him- good and bad.

"Nothing really important. I was just walking home yesterday from what seemed like a good day with Katsuki- I mean Bakugo. Then a few hours later, my mother came in and handed me two envelopes written out to me." I paused, not sure I wanted to go on, but Izuku's interest made me continue. Blame him for all my good doings. "I Was excited, as anyone would be if they see something addressed to them on paper rather than text. Both letters were from Katsuki, the first one saying how much he loved me and that it was genuine, only for the second one to say that that's the exact reason he had to let me go. I was in the way of him becoming the best hero the world could get. I threw them on my desk and disintegrated the papers and my desk."

Izuku  portrayed something so despondent, it was hard to believe that it was him. "That's something you can expect from Kacchan... but that doesn't mean he has a right to do that to you."

The waitress came with out food and we thanked her, carrying on the moment she left. I hope she didn't think we were being secretive and I hate more than anything someone being suspicious of me. Then again, it wasn't her job to ask questions-it was her job to bring the food.

"Besides," He started, taking a bite of chicken. "He could be regretting it this very moment." His smile was so convincing, but I didn't believe it for a second.

"What was it you just said? The betrayal sounds like Bakugo, but regret doesn't even come close to him. You have more luck breaking the fourth wall then getting a smidgen of regret from Katsuki." I scoffed, picking at my food with sudden slight disgust. Izuku is going to pay for it, so might as well try to eat something.

Izuku nodded in understanding, then shook his head. "Kacchan has regrets. I've seen him regret many things before, and I'm sure he regrets this." The way he tried to lighten the mood, the amount of effort not to be angry at Bakugo, the self restraint he put upon himself was phenomenal. I would've expected at least one tear to fall by now, or at least some form of his anger to reveal itself. I knew Izuku was mad at Bakugo, but it wasn't his problem. What his problem was was making every single one his. It'll get him killed one day, I guarantee it.

I sighed and glanced out the window, eyeing the vibrant green grass field that was known as the park just a street across. When I was younger, that meadow of sorts used to be my haven, my way to contemplate life's complications, to release my anger if need be. But I couldn't do that anymore. When I did, the meadow was sealed off, giving me the advantage to incinerate anything and everything I wanted to. I'm pretty sure there was still the remains of an oak tree from a few years ago just sitting there, waiting to disappear like an apparition. Sooner or later, the stress from the life of UA would lead back there once again.

"Possibly," I said softly, breaking out of my thoughts. "But we will see. I won't wait around for him to beg for forgiveness. If he can move on so damn quickly, so can I, and I will not let him get under my skin just to rip me apart. Again. I hope he suffers."

Izuku went pale, a glimpse of fear in his eyes. I, being one of the most powerful in class 1-A, have been proven to be very intimidating when angry, so no one really tries to get me even the slightest annoyed. All but Bakugo of course.

"Y-you don't actually mean that, d-do you?" He stuttered, his already big eyes wide with worry for who he thinks is his friend. One day, he'll realize Katsuki Bakugo had stopped being his friend years ago.

I just smiled, still looking out the window marveling at the beauty of what was about to be a pile of ash. I always smile when I'm angry, it's a huge giveaway if anyone's ever saw one.

"Oh, I mean it. He thinks he can just throw me away? I'll just keep coming back, and back, and back until he gets a solid message. He will suffer." With a wicked smirk, I waited for the right time I could tell Bakugo I was going to be his demise.

Tonight, all that we cherished together will go go down to ash.

Yeah... welp, there’s always room for improvement!

[infinitelytheheartexpands]

My Personal Opinions on Some French Grand Opéras

Here we go. I’ll be focusing solely on pieces in what’s widely considered the “Golden Age” of grand opéra (from 1828 to about 1870).

1828, Auber: La muette de Portici: never seen or heard so I cannot comment, but I do think it slaps that it helped start both the Belgian Revolution and the genre of grand opéra.

1829, Rossini: Guillaume Tell: I love this one. it’s one of the few grand opéras that has a happy ending and it’s fully deserved. it’s long but it all has a point-- the first act introduces us to the community spirit that drives the rest of the action; even though it’s called Guillaume Tell, it’s not just about Guillaume Tell. it’s about a whole movement coming together, with all these vividly-drawn people of different social statuses, ages, heritages, and livelihoods coming together to do good in the world in the face of oppression. also it’s Rossini so it bops start to finish. the finale is one of opera’s best. I could not have higher praise and admiration for this piece.

1831, Meyerbeer: Robert le diable: another rare case of a grand opéra with a happy ending, but it feels a bit more contrived, something I wrote about when I watched it about a year ago for the first time. it’s quite a clever ending, however, and I love that these lovely characters get a happy ending. Robert is the least interesting principal character both musically and dramatically; the musical highlights of the show are mostly Bertram and Isabelle’s big scenes. the former is also arguably grand opéra’s most exciting ballet sequence, the Act III ballet of the nuns (or as I like to call it, the Zombie Nun Ballet). it’s long but it is incredibly worth it. overall, I really do enjoy this opera although it is very much an uneven piece.

1833, Auber: Gustave III, ou le bal masqué: here’s a thing I wrote about it like 3 months ago and I stand by every word.

1835, Halévy: La juive: It’s damn near impossible to find an even remotely close to complete recording. However, what the recordings have is excellent. The score is marvelous all the way through, although for the most part I tend to prefer the ensembles to the arias (the exception, of course, being Éléazar’s 11 o’clock number). Speaking of Éléazar, he’s an extremely complicated and frankly uncomfortable character, toeing the line between being one of opera’s most complex characters, an even more complicated proto-gender-swapped-Azucena if you will, and being an unfortunate vessel of antisemitic stereotypes. This is made even more complicated because Halévy was an assimilated Jewish composer. On the whole, Rachel is the only wholly sympathetic character in the piece, although all five of the principals are lovingly scored. 

1836, Meyerbeer: Les Huguenots: *holds things in because otherwise I would write an entire essay about this opera and you all know that because I have done that several times* Both a great strength and a great weakness of this piece is its sheer wide-ranging-ness, particularly in terms of mood. Unlike, say, La juive, this opera does not have one overall mood, instead steadily progressing from bright, brilliant comedy to one of the most horrifying endings in opera. Dramatically, this is great for the most part, although the sheer amount of exposition in the first two acts may take getting used to. Just as the drama gets more intense and concentrated as the opera goes on, the music gets more intense- and frankly, more often than not better- as the opera goes on. The window/misunderstood engagement business is something I still struggle to see the exact dramatic purpose of, because I think the question of religious difference would likely be enough to separate Raoul and Valentine at the beginning anyway; to me, it feels like Scribe and Deschamps were struggling to find a way to integrate Nevers into the story, as he is crucial to the opera’s lessons about love and tolerance, so they stuck in a quasi-love-triangle in order to justify his presence earlier on. (Also, for goodness sake, could you at least have given him an onstage death scene?) Anyway, in this way the story can be a bit unwieldy and uneven at first, but stay the course with this one...and even a lot of the first couple of acts are wonderful. The characters are all wonderfully written if rather episodic in many cases, but this opera is ambitious and by the end, it’ll tear your heart to shreds. It’s amazing. Uneven, yes, but amazing nonetheless, and I will defend it to the death.

1840, Donizetti: La favorite: I’m not as familiar with La favorite as with some of the others on this list (I’ve seen two different productions once each and I have a recording of it saved to my Spotify library that I listen to bits and pieces of very occasionally) but I do think it’s an excellent piece overall. LÉONOR DESERVED SO MUCH BETTER. The music is lovely all around; I know Donizetti wrote at least one other grand opéra in full and part of another, both of which I need to check out because in its own way, Donizetti’s style works wonderfully with grand opéra.

1841: Halévy, La reine de Chypre: here is a post I wrote about La reine de Chypre. basically all my thoughts remain the same except I have to add: Halévy as a whole just needs more love. there’s a few other of his operas I have waiting (a recording of Le dilettante d’Avignon that has been sitting in my Spotify for who knows how long and a film of Clari with Bartoli and Osborn I’m also sitting on) but there are so many pieces that sound fascinating but have basically ZILCH in terms of recordings.

1849, Meyerbeer: Le prophète: before I say anything else about this opera, I need to ask a burning question: WHY THE HELL IS THERE ONLY ONE GOOD VIDEO RECORDING OF THIS OPERA?!?! on the one hand, I adore the Osborn/Aldrich/Fomina production; on the other, I would also like other productions, please. anyway, I said one time in the opera Discord that while Les Huguenots will probably always be my favorite Meyerbeer opera for an array of reasons, this one is definitely Meyerbeer, Scribe, and Deschamps’ strongest work. it is both unusually dark and unusually believable for an opera of its time—and the fact that it still holds up so well is disturbing to say the least. this opera thrives on complexity in all forms and yet has probably (and paradoxically) the simplest plot to follow of the four Meyerbeer grand opéras. the score is brilliant start to finish, mixing the best of bel canto, Romanticism, and something altogether darker, stranger, and more original. definitely one of the most underrated operas ever. the aforementioned production is on YouTube with French subtitles; give it a watch here.

1855, Verdi: Les vêpres siciliennes: Vêpres is an opera I love dearly although I have yet to find a production that is completely satisfying. I think it’s because this opera is a lot deeper, a lot more complex, and a lot more troubling, frankly, than people are willing to go. also it should be performed bilingually and I am dead-set on this: the dissonance of an opera about French capture of Italian land being sung entirely in either French or Italian is always a little off at least (and also part of the reason why my brain probably adjusted to hearing this opera in either language better than, say, Don Carlos). but anyway, neither side comes off particularly well here, particularly due to the violence and sexual assault on both sides of the equation: both Montfort and Procida are heavily in the wrong, and while Verdi sympathizes with both for personal reasons (Verdian Dad in the former case, Italian Liberator in the latter), there is a lot of troubling stuff in here. nevertheless, the music bops, the story is intriguing, and I think we can all agree that Henri and Hélène both deserved better, especially considering how close they got to bliss (although I think we can also all agree that the end of Act IV twist to almost-rom-com is pretty abrupt).

1863 (full opera: 1890), Berlioz: Les Troyens: I wrote this review of Troyens after watching it in the Châtelet 2003 production in December 2019 (first time ever watching it) and I still stand by just about every word. Such a fascinating opera, great adaptation of the first few books of the Aeneid, marvelous score (of course, it’s Berlioz!)...but could there be a ballet or two fewer, Berlioz? Or at least shorten them up? And that’s coming from someone who likes ballet. But anyway, in every other respect it’s absolutely marvelous. Some people say it’s the greatest French opera ever, and while I hesitate to say that, it comes pretty damn near close.

1865, Meyerbeer: L’Africaine (Vasco de Gama): Vasco da Gama/L’Africaine is even more troubling—much more troubling—of an opera than Vêpres to me and I wrote a whole thing here as to why. I still stand by most of it, although upon reflection, I feel like the ending that drove me so crazy has virtually the exact same idea behind it as the end of Troyens/Book IV of the Aeneid: empire has consequences and those consequences hurt real people, who, though different and not among those perceived as “heroic”, are worthy of being treated as human, not being collateral damage. (I’ve written at least two essays about this for different classes, both specifically in regards to the Aeneid.) It may be time to revisit this one. The score is lovely, after all, although it didn’t stand out to me as much as others by Meyerbeer.

1867, Verdi: Don Carlos: *holds myself back from writing a 10-page essay* y’all, there is a reason that when someone asks me what my favorite opera is, I always choose this one even though I’m horrible at favorites questions. it’s Verdi, grand opéra, romantic drama (SO MUCH romantic drama and SO MUCH gay), political drama, religious/social struggle, personal struggle, social commentary, spectacle, intimacy, masterful characterization all in one. what more could you want? I first saw/heard this opera in Italian long before I did in French, so my brain is more hardwired to hearing the Italian but both are good. my motto is “Italian or French, I don’t care, but Fontainebleau has to be there.” fuck the four-act version. I mean, I will watch four-act versions but five-act versions are just superior. I’d prefer uncut performances (the first part of the garden, the Lacrimosa, the extended opening and ending), but these aren’t dealbreakers for me. it’s the perfect synthesis of Verdi and grand opéra, much less unwieldy than Vêpres (as much I love that one), both musically and dramatically.

1868, Thomas: Hamlet: Part of me wishes this was more faithful to the actual source play (why??? the??? fuck??? does??? Hamlet??? live??? although there are alternate endings), but part of me also realizes that the play is already four hours long as is and singing it plus ballet would make it WAY too fucking long. This does a pretty respectable job. The music is gorgeous, by turns almost sugary-sweet and thrillingly ominous. The Murder of Gonzago scene is an absolute masterpiece. The Mad Scene is justifiably one of opera’s best (although I’m not sure it was a good idea to have that and a frequently-cut 20-minute ballet with no relation whatsoever to the main plot to make up all of Act IV). There are a lot of bops in this one. The four principals are closely followed and still very well-drawn. Both of the stagings I have seen were excellent. An underrated opera.

1869 (grand opéra version), Gounod: Faust: Another of my absolute favorite operas. Since this existed for a decade before its transformation into the grand opéra we all know and love, I won’t comment much about its actual format and adherence to grand opéra tropes aside from saying the Walpurgisnacht ballet is one of grand opéra’s best and extremely good at giving off Vibes TM. I used to hate how the character of Faust was written and thought he was incredibly boring. Not anymore (although of course, I still hate him as a person. fuck him tbh). This opera has a reputation for being saccharine and old-fashioned and I think that’s a bunch of garbage right there. It’s about the search for eternal youth and the expectations of conforming to social values and people’s struggles with themselves when a) they “fall short” and b) when the world ostracizes them for being “different” and “out of line”. I am also firmly convinced that Marguerite is the real protagonist of Faust (like how I’m convinced that Valentine is the protagonist of Les Huguenots if there even is a singular protagonist in that opera but I digress). The music slaps. People need to stop cutting whole scenes out of this. I’m still undecided on the order of the church and square scenes of Act IV. Marguerite and Siébel just need everything good in this world.

Anyway, those are my two cents! I tried to keep these pretty short, so if y’all want any follow-ups, let me know!

[kareofbears]

persona 5 strikers thoughts and feelings

This is going to be a long post. Like, the type of post you’d only really have time to read when you’re trying to sleep but you’re not ready to be unconscious yet so you’re just looking for something to do to spend your time with minimal effort. 

So in 2018, a masterpiece was born into the world: Into the Spider-verse was released and it was amazing—it’s honestly the best spiderman movie we have without a doubt, and it’ll be very far into the future before Spider-verse is beaten as the best spiderman movie. Them’s the facts. Then in 2019, Spider-man: Far From Home was dropped. It’s a great movie! Great characters, great continuation of who these characters are and works fantastic as a continuation of a story. It’s really hard trying to take the torch of a previous movie (or in Marvel’s case, juggling twenty something movies) and come up with a new movie that both works on its own, as well as being the next step in this series of films. Thus, with that idea in mind, I think it’s kind of unfair to judge into the spiderverse and far from home, because these are two movies with two completely different objectives in mind. 

Okay, so this is still a persona 5 strikers post, I promise, but the idea is the same: Persona 5 could basically do whatever it wanted—new story, new characters, new everything, and it’s just plain old awesome. However, Persona 5 strikers did not have that sort of freedom. It was bound to the original game, and it had its own rules and stuff it had to keep intact, characters they had to work with, and on top of that, it had to justify its existence as a sequel (lets pretend money doesnt exist lmfao). 

SO, the big question is: did it do that? Did it justify its existence? 

And my answer: holy fuck did it ever do that

I came into this game knowing the extreme bare minimum. I knew there was someone named Sophia, and i knew there was roadtrip, and i knew there were Personas. That’s my knowledge of it before i played it on the Switch.  I should also clarify like, early on, that i was not expecting anything from this game. At all. I was the world’s biggest cynic of this game—if you scroll down my p5s tag far enough, youll just see me complaining about a game that hasn’t even come out yet. I was fully expecting to have this be a Waifu show, and any male character that isn’t Akira to just be shoved aside like some kind of nerd in a high school hallway, and i have never been more pleased to be wrong. In fact, i actually owe it an apology, because of how fucking rude i was for no reason!!! Because this game deserves everything to be honest. 

Persona 5 strikers is, frankly, insane. Insane in the sense that it got to pull shit off that just would never have existed in the original game, because the original game is scared. It had to be as impressive as possible and garner as much attention as possible. Strikers does not have that problem—every single person who bought that game does not need to be convinced that persona 5 is a good game. They already played it. That means Atlus can just fuck around and have a good time, and man did they have a good time. There’s still scenes that still shock me if i think about it too hard, because i’m used to atlus having to follow this sort of rule set when it comes to persona 5 (or any of the main games im assuming, but i havent played them.) And on top of that, there’s still shit that’s Atlus Trademarked Branded in a good way. The style of story of story telling, and revealing the mystery that is so integral to what p5 is, is still there. 

So, to make this even a little bit comprehensible, i will make a list! 

First of all, What is this game?

In short, this game is an OVA of an anime. It’s bonus side content that has one thing in mind: to showcase these lovable characters more by putting them in fun situations. That’s it, and it is just phenomenal. That was the main point of, i’d say, like forty hours of the game. It’s just fun times with fun characters. 

But to get deeper of what i think is happening, or what they were thinking during the development, is that this is a second opportunity. Persona 5 (as we all know) had a lot of problems, and we were not quiet about those problems. We yelled it all out, made posts, made complaints on every social media platform ever. And Atlus heard all of them, and Strikers is a way to mitigate those mistakes. Aside from being a fun OVA, Strikers also works to be a deeper exploration of these characters—more specifically, the characters that did not receive much in the original game. Creating this sequel is having the ability to redo what they felt (or to be more specific, we felt) in the original game while adding new ones. I will get to that in a second.  

The format of the game 

Absolutely brilliant to throw them on a road trip. P5V already forced us to experience Shibuya for 200+ hours, and im so glad that they didn’t do that again. Going from town to town, making us experience these new places alongside our favorite characters is so good, and it just makes sense. It’s fun, it’s lighthearted, and it’s actually shockingly good. But one thing i do want to talk about early on is the way the story unfolds and the villains that they use, and what they do with it because it’s very interesting. 

So as we explore japan and stuff, we encounter jails, and with those jails comes an antagonist. This antagonist works to be a parallel to one of our characters. That character will find it in their hearts to feel bad for the antagonist, because the antagonist could have been them had the original game not happen. At first I thought all of the thieves were gonna get an antagonist, and i was really hyped for the ryuji one. And then came to hour forty of the game where i realized “yeah that’s not gonna happen. There’s just not enough time.” And i was right, and the game ended. But i am not salty at all, honestly, because the people who got a direct antagonist were: Ann, Yusuke, and Haru. (we wont count zen and sophie). 

Is there a trend??? Yes. these are all characters in the original game that have received the worst treatment by atlus. The three of them are basically cast aside the minute they finished their original arc, and its horrible! BUT that’s why this is the path that atlus chose for them—to give them more depth, and screentime, and a way to show their inner self. That isn’t to say that the ones who aren’t those three (makoto, futaba, mona, akira, ryuji) didn’t get anything. Futaba still has her thing at the end with ichinose, and she was very prevalent and animated during the rest of the game. Mona and Akira have to be a focal points, that’s just the nature of the game. The other two though, I will talk about in depth in a second.  

Makoto

Y’all i poke fun at shumako fans sometimes cause its kind of easy and fun, but i honestly love makoto. In my very first playthrough of p5 (my first ever jrpg game, first persona game, i had no idea what i was doing), i had only maxed out two characters: ryuji and makoto. And i know she had a lot of screentime and love in the original game which is great, but i truly felt like she was dissed in this game. Her only roles were

A driver

Someone to tell them “we don’t have a choice. Let’s keep going and see where this takes us.” (seriously, if you replay this game, you will see how much she does this)

Idk, i just wish she had more to do, especially compared to how much love they gave the other characters. 

But let’s talk about some of the new characters! 

Zenkichi

Damn you atlus. Damn you and your insistence at bringing in cop characters. I was fully on board with hating zenkichi, i was fucking ready for it. I was convinced that there was nothing they could do convince to like zenkichi. I was immune to their copaganda. 

And then i ended up loving him, which makes me sad a little bit. I didn’t realize how desperate i was to have an adult who has a persona. Someone who wants the world to change just as much as they do, while still having that aspect of them that makes them adult. Like??? As someone who is technically an adult, its a breath of fresh air. An adult. Who fights. For justice. Using a persona. And god i love akane so much, and her obsession with the thieves (that scene is probably in my top ten fave scenes of the game). Also what i loved about zenkichi is that he fucking hates the cops!! He hates the system of the cops!! And thats why i actually really started to love him!! Because i thought it was atlus saying that the systematic problem of the police cannot be solved by one person, and zenkichi threw away his badge. I actually cried at that part!! 

But then he became a cop again, and i was just :/ but as a character, i really love him to bits and would love to do a study on him, or at least use him as an outside pov. But! i absolutely love his persona, since im a les miserables fan hehe

Sophia 

she’s probably my favorite new aspect of the game. I was ready to not like her—again, i just suck like that, lmfao—and when i saw her, i was scared that she was just another waifu. I mean, she was very cute after all. But then as the game went on, i thought she was a little too cute. And even further into the game, i finally slapped myself in the face and realized oh my god shes not a waifu. Shes a sister. 

That blew my mind, im ngl to you. A female character that isn’t supposed to be romanced? By jove, what a miracle! 

And she…is an amazing character. Im sorry, i just love her so much. I love her so much that she  probably ranks as my fifth or sixth favorite character which is surprising even to me. Everything about her is delightful and invigorating. She’s funny??? Her comedic timing is amazing, and she has such chemistry with the rest of the team. She’s actually useful to the plot, and while her character design is a little too on the nose for me in terms of cuteness (i mean, good god she’s wearing oversized sweater to show how cute and tiny she is, and her hair has literal hearts in it), she is absolutely lovable. 

But what i actually really wanna gush about for a second is sophia at the last stage of the game. You get the idea, i dont really like to get excited over things, so at this point i figured that there was nothing this game could do to shock me. 

And then sophia had a persona awakening. 

Like. holy fuck did i yell. I didnt realize what was happening until the music had already kicked in. and its just so fucking smart!!! Sophia??? The ai?? With no heart?? gOT A PERSONA???? AWAKENING??? BECAUSE SHE LEARNED WHAT THE HEART IS AND THE PASSION THAT YOU NEED IN ORDER TO GET A PERSONA??? I started crying honestly, because it was just so smart. And looking back on it now, its obvious!! Of course it would lead to this, it only made sense that the culmination of her character arc leads to her getting a persona, nothing else would have been as good. Also, her voice actor is just amazing?? When she was talking to ichinose at the end, i actually got incredibly emotional because of the line reads. Its just so spot on and it really captures the essence of sophia.

Muah. five stars Atlus. You got me. 

Ryuji <3!!!!

Oh man. Oh boy. Okay. so where do i start. 

Yall know i love him. Hes probably my favorite fictional male character of all time, and he is the one i was the absolute most cynical about in this game. I was expecting literally nothing. Nothing. Like. nothing. I thought he was just gonna keep being used as a joke, or a gag, and he’s gonna be super horny all the time for the other girls and it was gonna make me mad and there was gonna be some insane homophobic/queerphobic jokes in every other scene and i know i was being unfair, but i cant help it. 

And then i played the first two hours of the game, and i cried the entire time. Because ryuji has never been better than he is in this game. Its crazy. 

The ryuji in persona 5 strikers is who ryuji should have been/how he should have been treated this entire time. From the actual funny jokes (for example, the gold bar joke + his reaction to it in the beginning of the game), defending his female friends instead of being the one people need to defend from (natsume arc), and the fact that he was the one to be there with morgana and akira in the very beginning of the game. Its such a small thing that they didnt even need to do, but it was such an integral part of the original game for me, that i just was convinced that nothing like this was going to happen. But then it happened. Its just small stuff like that that could have been overlooked but it wasn’t because this game? Persona 5 strikers? Fucking loves ryuji. 

The actual respect they gave this boy is insane and i wasn't ready for it. Like, they gave the shujin trio lunch, they gave the little charm of the katana when they were in natsume’s jail, and, in my opinion this is the second-best thing that they could have given ryuji is sophia. Ryuji and sophia are the pinnacle of a brother & sister bonding relationship in the game that isn’t akira & futaba. And its really prevalent too?? Small stuff from the beginning of the game (pulling her out of a jail, calling her shorty), but then you have the iconic “shut the fuck up” scene, and that scene was so well characterized and written and voice acted, that somehow him saying “fuck” was the least exciting part of that scene to me. Ryuji is an older brother to her, like its undoubtable, and its only further cemented at the end of the game where Ryuji helps out ichinose because he knows how much sophia cares about her. This game. Love ryuji. And i love. This game. 

You know what else i love? Akiryu. 

Guys. i was fully prepared to starve in terms of akiryu. But theres just. So much of it. I wont get too deep into it, because i think this aspect of the game for me still needs marinate a little bit. Like, what was that last shot when EMMA died and Ryuji walked to approach Akira so they could relish in their victory together?? And the smile from both of them??? What the fuck. That was amazing. Also Joker being saved by Ryuji when he was about to fall from the cliff to save sophia??? WHAT. The LEADER AND HIS RIGHT HAND MAN? WHAT. anyway. If theres anything i want to keep for myself in my own brain, its the akiryu aspect of this game, so i wont talk too much about that part of things (instead, itll probably manifest in fic lmfaooo). 

Sure, there’s tidbits of stuff i dont like that they gave ryuji: sexualizing ann in that one cut scene and making him touch the jails even though it hurts, and i recognize those and frown at them, but for the most part, i am blown away with how they treated him.

Basically, Ryuji has never been better. From the opening of the game with him being the first text message and the one to sling his arm around akira, to the very last cut scene where it was ryuji wordlessly leaving because he’s so confident that they would never be separated for long, this game adores Ryuji and i am so so happy to say that.

The Royal aspect of things

Yeah, i had to talk about this, but itll be a short thing i just wanted to point out. Because the last part of this game...is persona 5 royal. Which is curious. Like taking reality and giving that power to someone else so you dont have to experience suffering anymore? And even like, the final section just looked a lot like the top half of maruki’s palace?? And whats even crazier is that we had a boss fight with sophia, just like how we had a boss fight with sumire? Royal and Strikers have like, the same thesis statement. It’s kind of uncanny.It’s interesting, it’s like atlus came up with these two ideas, and then just decided they liked both of them so much that they just did it twice. I don’t mind though—actually, in terms of how the last Palace/Jails go, i probably like them both about equally. 

Though i did love the final battle in this one more than i did in royal. Splitting into teams?? Thats cool as fuck, and really innovative and i didnt see it coming. It also kicked my ass. A lot. 

Now for the last stretch: the small stuff!

The music — bomb as fuck. In my heart, Daredevil is ranked the same as Rivers. Axe to grind is also amazing, but Daredevil owns me

Akechi — i really debated whether or not to talk about him, but i figured a bullet point should be enough. Im really shocked that he wasnt in this at all. Like not even a name drop. If this is an OVA, and the point of the game is to please the fans, and akechi is arguably the fan favorite character, i was really ready for something. But there was nothing, except for the pancake hallway if that even counts as a reference. Thats it. Thats all i wanted to say about him.

The humour — FUCKING HILARIOUS im convinced that in my fifty hour playtime, five of that is dedicated to me laughing and unable to continue the game 

Akira — so much personality! His lines of dialogue are crazy sometimes (like. Whats up with him saying Ryuji has ‘nice abs’ when they were in bath? Im crazy and even i dont know what the fuck that could mean) 

Battle system — oh my god i almost forgot to talk about this. I love it! I kind of miss the turn based aspect just because i found it very comforting for some reason, but this hack and slash style of gameplay is so invigorating because i do feel like it justifies shit like the baton pass and huge attacks.  This battle system fully encompases how the Phantom Thieves are supposed to fight, you know what i mean?

Anyway, thats my thoughts on strikers. Loved it. Amazing. 9.3/10, wouldve been higher but Konoe’s Jail almost bored me to death. Also im a monster and i didnt do any requests that isn’t a fun one, teehee. As if i play persona 5 for the persona aspect of things.