#he was a shithead who left me bruised up and with more issues than I began with but I miss him

[melit0n]

"On sunny days I go out walking, I end up on a tree-lined street, I look up at the gaps of sunlight; I miss you more than anything."

[gunmetalgrey-trashpile]

morons united group chat with @diabolicaltendencies @epiitaphs @theasteriae

ALEX SMS [ trash pile ] : whos hosting this weekend? Bagsy not me, only just got the window fixed from when Bash tried to escape through it. BASH SMS [ do not answer ] : tried? i think you mean succeeded.

SMS [ do not answer ] : anyway, yeah, no, i can't. sorry. ALEX SMS [ trash pile ] : if you mean you went though a closed window and got covered in glass, sure, you succeeded. BASH SMS [ do not answer ] : you're just bitter because you lost the bet. word to the wise, alex, never ever bet against basher moran ALEX SMS [ trash pile ] : it’s fine, I put the window repairs in your card. BASH SMS [ do not answer ] : that's fine too; "my" card is actually august's card. ALEX SMS [ trash pile ] : should have known going for your wallet was a liability. BASH SMS [ do not answer ] : i mean, probably, yeah. you're fingers are so sticky, i'd have to be stupid to carry my real wallet when i'm meeting up with you. AUGUST sms [ clusterfuck ]: And my card is really the inheritance fund so you might as well do something useful with it, Alex. sms [ clusterfuck ]: I'm out of town until Sunday. But if you need a place to crash I'm sure you'll find your way in.

BASH SMS [ do not answer ] : you could have told me! if i'd known it was dear old dad's money i was spending, i'd have blown the whole lot a long time ago SMS [ do not answer ] : where out of town, exactly?

AUGUST sms [ clusterfuck ]: which is exactly why they wouldn't give it to me all at once. sms [ clusterfuck ]: what? you looking to come along?

BASH SMS [ do not answer ] : killjoys SMS [ do not answer ] : nope, not if you're where i think you are. just seeing if you'll tell me the truth.

ALEX SMS [ trash pile ] : dammmmmn well seeing as I’ve had to put up with you shitheads for so many years I’m glad your daddy’s finally paying up SMS [ trash pile ] : better get me a fridge magnet from wherever you are BASH SMS [ do not answer ] : oh yeah, i heart surrey, just what you've always wanted. not. ALEX SMS [ trash pile ] : at least August gets me stuff rather than BREAKING MY FLAT SMS [ trash pile ] : I have a lot less anger towards your dad now he’s going to pay for my MOT SMS [trash pile] : is this what rich kid life is like?? BASH SMS [ do not answer ] : oh yeah? why don't you get august to bring you daddy's ashes back as well then, so you can bow and scrape before the urn, really say thank you? AUGUST sms [ clusterfuck ]: I'd happily tell you but you could just as easily ask your boss. Your passive aggressive shit must be rubbing off on him. sms [ clusterfuck ]: but seriously, by all means, spend away. BASH SMS [ do not answer ] : alright, well, i  guess saturday night's on me after all then SMS [ do not answer ] : jim asked you to work? why did he ask you and not me? AUGUST sms [ clusterfuck ]: because he actually gives a damn about you and I'm still expendable, apparently.

sms [ clusterfuck ]: Don't have a fridge magnet, Alex, but I got a pretty nice knife off the bitch who tried to stab me with it. ALEX SMS [trash pile] : bash calm down, it’s probably better not to be mr. Narcissistic fucks favours? SMS [ trash pile] : JUST CHECKING but was this bitch very short and in a blonde wig?? AUGUST sms [ clusterfuck ]: No...? ALEX SMS [ trash pile ] : okay that makes me feel a whole lot better SMS [ trash pile ] : shall we do another weekend if August can’t make it?? We need someone with more than one brain cell. AUGUST sms [ clusterfuck ]: Yeah, no. It was a man with a death wish. You'd know if you tried to stab one of us... right? ALEX SMS [ trash pile ] : I mean you’d really hope so but it’s not unheard of SMS [ trash pile ] : I stab a lot of people AUGUST sms [ clusterfuck ]: Fair enough. ALEX SMS [ trash pile ] : if you’re not in Berlin right now you’re probably safe SMS [ trash pile ] : probably AUGUST sms [ clusterfuck ]: Just stick to the plan. I'll be there Sunday to pick you all up off the floor. sms [ clusterfuck ]: Or bail you out. ALEX SMS [ trash pile ] : I’ve got brunch with Sam Sunday SMS [ trash pile ] : if we survive AUGUST sms [ clusterfuck ]: You really think you'll make that date? I'd reschedule that if anything. ALEX SMS [ trash pile ] : ITS NOT A DATE BASH SMS [ do not answer ] : yeah, but does sammy know that? ALEX SMS [ trash pile ] : I need coffee and avocado toast to fix the hangover SMS [ trash pile ] : we. are. not. dating. BASH SMS [ do not answer ] : yeah, but, again ... does he know that? AUGUST sms [ clusterfuck ]: I have coffee and a toaster. Just tell Sam to bring your avocado and something for the rest of us. We can interrogate him then. BASH SMS [ do not answer ] : shall i ask jim if he still has those thumbscrews lying around? i mean, it's better to do these things thoroughly, wouldn't you say? ALEX SMS [ trash pile ] : I wish I had stabbed you AUGUST sms [ clusterfuck ]: I was just thinking about questioning him. But you know, now that you mention it. How well do you think he'd hold up? Hypothetically. ALEX SMS [ Trash pile ] : this is a conversation we are not having AUGUST SMS [ do not answer ] : yeah, it's pointless -- so much easier just to find out for real ALEX SMS [ trash pile ] : if we were dating, which we very much aren’t, why would you need to interrogate him? It’s SAM SMS [ trash pile ] : he’s stitched you ALL up BASH SMS [ do not answer ] : yeah, but are you not dating in the way jim and i aren't dating, or are you not dating in the way that august isn't dating anyone at all? AUGUST sms [ clusterfuck ]: A fair question. BASH SMS [ do not answer ] : fair point. you know, though, sammy's pretty steely. i think he could go at least a couple of rounds. AUGUST sms [ clusterfuck ]: With his background I'm honestly just curious if he can take it as well as he dished it out. SEB sms [block]: oh are we talking about torturing sam? im down sms [block]:  im with august think itd be interesting BASH SMS [ do not answer ] : yes, aha, 3 against 1, alex, sorry -- you've been outvoted! ALEX SMS [trash pile] : trust you to show up when we discuss torture SEB sms [block]: i only have time for important things ALEX SMS [trash pile] : anyone lays a hand on my not boyfriend and I will break bones SEB sms [block]: hah you said the word boyfriend BASH SMS [ do not answer ] : methinks the lady doth protest too much SMS [ do not answer ] : just kidding, alex isn't a lady SEB sms [block]: she could barely pretend to be ALEX SMS [trash pile] : IM NOT A LADY FUCKING TAKE THAT BACK SMS [trash pile] : listen just cause I’m the only one who hangs around with people who aren’t psychotic murderers SMS [trash pile] : speaking of, how is jimbo? SEB sms [block]: lady moran. weird ring to it. ALEX SMS [trash pile] : yh bash ur mum is WEIRD SEB sms [block]: really shouldve seen that response coming sms [block]: anyway alex you cant break all our bones at once so really just be ready for ur boy to disappear for a while BASH SMS [ do not answer ] : don't talk shit about my mother SEB sms [block]: dont take it personally, petya has some mommy issues BASH SMS [ do not answer ] : unless you want to get into all your mummy issues, you two? SMS [ do not answer ] : precisely, back the fuck off SEB sms [block]: or what BASH SMS [ do not answer ] : or i will show you why it is my nickname isn't seb, but basher SMS [ do not answer ] : got that? SEB sms [block]: loud and clear sms [block]: still, you'd better pick on alex first, since shes more ur size BASH SMS [ do not answer ] : fuck you SMS [ do not answer ] : i could take you down any day of the week and you know it SEB sms [block]: sounds like a challenge to me BASH SMS [ do not answer ] : bring it then SMS [ do not answer ] : i dare you SEB sms [block]: see u this weekend then sms [block]: keep an eye out BASH SMS [ do not answer ] : i've beaten bigger men than you blindfolded SMS [ do not answer ] : so i think i'm good to sleep, thanks SEB sms [block]: if you say so BASH SMS [ do not answer ] : i could take you and alex on and once and still come out without a scratch on me SEB sms [block]: well now thats just bragging sms [block]: but this is 1 on 1 you can fight alex another time BASH SMS [ do not answer ] : gladly, mate ALEX Alex Moran has left the chat SEB sms [block]: oh perfect we can plan the torture without worrying she'll tattle to sam AUGUST Sms [ clusterfuck ]: Oh hey Seb. How's it going? SEB sms [block]: just another day of making sure my sister doesn't murder me AUGUST Sms [ clusterfuck ]: I see you two ran Alex off again..  yep pretty much what I was about to guess. SEB sms [block]: these things happen when we're left unsupervised AUGUST Sms [ clusterfuck ]: Understandable. Unfortunately we should probably keep Sam in one piece if you're out picking fights. BASH SMS [ do not answer ] : it's a shame, but ... he kind of has a point, you know SEB sms [block]: it really is sms [block]: as much as i also hate to agree sms [block]: and i dont think sticking him in a basement overnight is going to do much BASH SMS [ do not answer ] : we could always try the interrogation tactics they taught us in the army? SEB sms [block]: well. thatd probably be logical BASH SMS [ do not answer ] : that way he'd be physically fine afterwards, hopefully mentally competent enough to patch you back up as well SEB sms [block]: ur so smug about assuming there wont be one single mark on you sms [block]: but as long as he can hold a needle and use it properly then yeah should be alright BASH SMS [ do not answer ] : ah no, i'm not that arrogant, i just know i can cope with a couple of cuts and bruises SMS [ do not answer ] : i know i'll have had worse SEB sms [block]: fair enough sms [block]: we'll see if you can do enough damage to actually make me get stitches or whatever BASH SMS [ do not answer ] : if you end up needing stitches, i'll buy the first round SMS [ do not answer ] : fair's fair, yeah? SEB sms [block]: yeah thats fair BASH SMS [ do not answer ] : excellent, well then, i'll see you saturday SEB sms [block]: sounds good. ill be ready

[redsdawn]

( jessica chastain. forty. cis female. she/her. ) in stratford, dawn wright  is more commonly known as red. they’ve been living in stratford for thirty years and currently work as a nurse. some say they are malapert  & rancorous but i’m more inclined to believe those that say they’re ballsy  & dependable. if you walk by their house, you can sometimes hear cloudbusting by kate bush playing from their window. ( the sting of comments better left unsaid, driving with the windows down, subjecting oneself to the unknown, and never knowing when to stop. ) 

hello, all! i’m dee, your local goblin whose hands are shaking as they type this! :-) i hope everyone’s having a good evening / morning / day. here’s to writing some good shit together! 

disclaimer: i have dawn’s stats here, which hopefully gives you all the need-to-know info at a glance. the second section has death & suicide mentions, so please steer clear of that if need be. 

if dawn is anything, it’s restless. she’s always felt like a bird about to take flight, or like she’s looming on the edge of some great cliff. it’s like some current flowing through her bones, or some itch that can’t be scratched. she yearns for more & hates that nothing is ever wholly enough for her. 

dawn grew up trailer trash & she still was trailer trash when she moved to stratford after the death of her mother. her dad, nathaniel, was a drunken tradesman who'd never known what to do with the life he’d been given. he was hardly a father when diane was around & even less so after her passing. despite their blood relation, however, he & dawn were more akin to roommates than anything else. nathaniel provided the “essentials” [ bits of clothes every couple of months, piss-poor cooking, a place to sleep ] and little else. he wasn’t warm or particularly kind--not like he was to the girlfriends that’d come in and out of their lives. he didn’t know how to speak to children or how to be the mentor that dawn needed. he’d tried, but it wasn’t like dawn knew how to be the daughter he’d wanted either. she wasn’t diane. she wasn’t warm, obedient, and kind. she was gritty & spoke back, even when it wasn’t smart to. 

growing up, dawn was hardly ever home. a majority of her adolescence was spent being a wild cat. as a kid, she’d get up to shenanigans with other kids from school or the neighborhood. she was a tomboy through-and-through, covered in various scars and bruises from climbing & doing things she shouldn’t have. she was an okay student, but her report cards always made a note to mention attention + behavioral issues.

as a teenager, she was even worse. it was then that she learned the careful craft of chasing cheap thrills. always slipping from crowd to crowd, dawn was a social butterfly. she’d slip her way into any group that would have her, reveling in any and all attention cast her way. 

dawn was poor-poor. like, having frequent sleepovers at friends houses, because you want an actual real meal levels of poor. 

above all, dawn’s childhood taught her how to be hungry & that feeling’s never left her.

it was a particularly persistent set of teachers that really pushed dawn to be more than what she was setting herself up for. her chemistry teacher really made a point to speak to her in frank terms + helped her fill out college application forms when that time of year came around. at the time, dawn had brushed it off, as she did with most things, but she’s always been grateful. it was nice to feel seen for once. she kept in touch & got their recommendation when admissions opened up for nursing school. 

going to college & being in a new environment really forced dawn to get it together. she couldn’t just be a little shithead anymore--she had actual responsibilities & appearances now. she mellowed out some afterward, doing everything that she thought people were supposed to do. she got her own place, paid her bills, & worked like she actually cared about what she was doing--which she did, for once. 

somewhere along the way, getting stuck in that grind & facing the fears that rose from losing her father started to really get to her. that restlessness had come back in full force, & dawn didn’t know how to handle it. she fell into a bit of a destructive rut that resembled that of her teenage years, and sought help only when her boss gave her an ultimatum. she’s better now, but not quite how she was. 

dawn is unflinching. it’s extremely hard to unsettle her. are your guts falling out? is someone throwing shit + breaking chairs? is there a literal fire happening? well, you wouldn’t be able to tell by looking at dawn. she loves fixing things & finds it really easy to keep a cool head when shit hits the fan. she’s focused & nonjudgemental. she won’t question why you look like shit or why she has to stitch up a stab wound. 

dawn yearns to feel needed & is uncomfortable when she isn’t. that want is what fuels her friendliness. she wants to be in a group, she wants to be something to someone. she goes out of her way for others not out of an innate altruism, but as a result of her deliberate choice to be good. she wants people to feel that she cares for them, so they may in turn care for her, too. 

that being said, dawn’s decision-making isn’t immaculate. she has a blinding rage that’s a blight on her progress. it’s regressive & ugly & irresistible. dawn takes things too far sometimes & keeps pushing. she digs her fingers into wounds she knows are fresh & always keeps her knives close. she’s capable of a lot of good and love, but she’s also capable of a very white-hot rage. 

some random bits are that dawn is a karaoke queen. she’s a heavy-weight, but doesn’t like alcohol. she’s an excellent hugger. she has an excellent memory & remembers the little things that people tell her. terrible at accepting gifts. she takes life one day at a time. total chatterbox. thinks she has a great pokerface, but her eyes are a straight window to that which lies behind. she’s definitely not a very good driver. writes notes on her hands and wrists. 

some songs that make me think of her are

rock city

i bet on losing dogs

disorder

hounds of love

some wanted connection ideas !

a childhood memory -- maybe these two were a couple of ragtag misfits up to no good. maybe your muse’s parents felt bad for dawn, and would invite her over for dinner, regardless of how your muse felt about it. maybe they grew up in the same trailer park. maybe your muse’s mom dated her dad at one point. idk!! 

teenage escapades -- did they used to drive around without a care in the world, swearing they were gonna live forever? did they try to use their fake id’s to buy cheap liquor & then haul ass after the cashier wasn’t having it? did dawn manage to weasel her way into your muse’s life & fuck it up somehow? 

it’s a sibling thing -- are they related? no. does that stop them from acting like actual siblings? also no. dawn would do anything for this person, including, but not limited to, annoying them to death. silly, serious, and self-less. 

frenemies -- they say you should keep your friends close, but your enemies closer. either way, these two are relatively close. do they even remember why they sometimes-kind-of-but-not-really-but-also-kind-of hate each other? maybe, maybe not.

best buds -- everyone needs a best friend &, believe it or not, dawn has a lot of love to give. being her best friend includes unlimited venting sessions, on-call assistance, & free snacks. truly a once in a lifetime deal.

playing doctor -- listen, dawn doesn’t wear those scrubs because she thinks they’re sexy. she knows her shit & who else are you going to call at ass o’clock because you’re bleeding all over your carpet floor? besides, at least when you call her, you don’t get reamed with a 2k bill after.

we don’t talk about that -- sometimes, dawn is off being a lovey-dovey bitch, which is embarrassing, but when she’s not? well.. she wouldn’t be opposed to a rebound, or one night stands that maybe never should have happened to begin with. 

BUT REALLY I’M DOWN FOR ANYTHING AND THIS IS ALREADY SO DANG LONG SO IM GONNA END IT HERE AND SAY THAT ILY AND WANT TO DO ALL OF THE PLOTS WITH EVERYONE THANK U BYE SMOOCHES

[dcmhnallach]

demiboy — ever hear people say APOLLO AMORETTO looks a lot like NICK ROBINSON? I think THEY/HE is about 22, so it doesn’t really work. The GRAPHIC DESIGN major is a JUNIOR that is from LIVINGSTONE, VT. They can be ADROIT, but they can also be INDELICATE. I think APOLLO might be A TIER 2 SHEPHERD. They are living in KIERAN. ( snot goblin. 20. EST. she/they. )

ok so i lied and this is after midnight. sue me. his background is a lil inspired by logan from veronica mars so like, sue me 2x. dnjkfmgh but !! give this a LIKE so i can come MESSAGE U FOR PLOTS !!!

TRIGGER WARNING - DEATH, MURDER, MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES, DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, GRIEF

a e s t h e t i c s

fingers across keyboards and piano keys, m&m’s scattered, vintage gaming consoles and tangled wires, worn vans and broken skateboards, banging of drums and splintering drumsticks, deep rhythms beating with your heart, the hum of a hefty computer and the buzz of a monitor, green text against black screens, unruly hair unkempt, flannels filling closets, bloody baseball bats, posters lining up and down walls, loud punk music shaking the walls, glares and whispers, the suffocation that comes with loneliness, pills rattling in their bottles, unmade beds.

general info !!

full name: apollo casimir amoretto

nickname(s): cas, polly, lover boy, 2000 (b/c of his screen names lmaoo)

b.o.d. - january 31st, aquarius boi

label(s): the escapist, the hellion, the insurgent, the netizen, etc. etc.

height: hitting 6′0″

hometown: livingstone, vt !

sexuality: bi bi bi bi bisexual

stats

pinterest

biography !!

cristian amoretto and camilla silvestri had a romance that could be described turbulent at best, and downright explosive at worst

cristian, a native italian actor whose career began before he could walk, and camilla, the daughter of two italian immigrants with big dreams in a small town, met on the set of a coffee shop. their love story began quickly, dating within only a few months of knowing each other and engaged before the year was up

camilla walked down the aisle 6 months pregnant with lil’ baby apollo, who was then born in livingstone, vermont, aka the town that camilla’s family had settled in

was raised primarily by his mother and grandparents! his father was often off shooting movies, leaving camilla to take on the role of stay-at-home mom despite her own dreams of making it big as an actress

apollo grew up as a huge momma’s boy – i mean, god, he just really loved this mother, y’know? his relationship with his father was much rockier because of his … lack of being around.

when his grandparents died around the age of eight, that’s when things got…worse. it felt as if camilla’s parents were the only barrier between camilla and cristian’s budding wrath.

it became more apparent that cristian was not meant for the family life, his anger quick and his fists quicker, stinging words and venomous glares. a control freak who couldn’t handle camilla being independent.

this wasn’t apparent to the neighbors, or much of the town in general, because the amorettos were such a prominent family up in their beach-side mini mansion – it was hard to imagine that their life was anything but exquisite and dreamlike.

this was, of course, up until camilla filed for divorce and a restraining order in the same day, face bruised and nearly unrecognizable. she, obviously, got custody of apollo.

at this point in time, apollo was fourteen and…pretty stoked for them to get away from his father. they holed up southside and life continued as normal. for the time being. gossip swarmed apollo at school surrounding the circumstance which was annoying, to say the least. it led to him becoming withdrawn from the other students, not getting the whole … gossip appeal.

in hindsight, they should’ve moved out of livingstone. death threats in the form of letters and the eerie feeling of eyes constantly being on them came to a halt on apollo’s graduation day: the day that his father also, coincidentally, murdered his mother.

for making me miss out on years of my son’s life, was cristian’s excuse as he was escorted from the bloody crime scene at their apartment and into the police car.

cristian was convicted and sent to prison almost a whole year after it occurred. apollo still has dreams about testifying in court against his father as a witness.

and then apollo became known not as the son of two celebrities, but the son of a murderer. total bummer !

could not tell you why he stayed in livingstone, but he did. almost dropped out of college a good few times ( he isn’t passionate about graphic design, it’s more of him wasting time than anything else ) and spends most of his time raiding on WoW or competitively playing overwatch :/

speaking of college ! apollo was kieran’s roommate and like ... a close friend of his. the death hit him pretty hard b/c of his past.

lives in kieran but lately has been switching between his dorm and his childhood home - it’s technically his dad’s but he hasn’t been to his mom’s apartment in years. the mansion has become run-down and pretty grody, a sore sight that pisses off the neighbors.

he does identify as demiboy but he cares abt his identity like ... so little ... 

personality !!

his main focuses are computers / video games, drums / his band, and like … skating … vaping … gamer things, y’know.

from a young age he’d always been very fascinated by video games, and being the Rich Boi ™ that he was, ended up with a whole lot of them to play, on a whole bunch of consoles.

but like … he’s a PC guy :/ he may have a super rare nintendo 64 or two but nothing can beat his dual-monitor set up with his hand-built computer !

he also got real into hacking, y’know, just small things like watching security cameras in different cities and occasionally changing his grades b/c like … who wouldn’t ? also … cheated in dark souls. fucking loser.

his favorite games to play are multiplayer games so !!

he joined a band in high school because he was angsty and young, and like, turned out to be really good on drums ?? they had like … some real big jimmy eat world / green day / say anything / old school fall out boy vibes. just a whole bunch of ‘fuck the government, fuck the authority, anarchy, rebellion, revolt revolt revolt’ angry rock music that got a buuunch of noise complaints during practice.

his role in the band is essentially the ~nerdy~ one, because he’s a gamer, but like he was also Edgy and Angry and wore all black like Constantly ( he still does who are we kidding )

probably paints his nails black and has a nose ring b/c gamers can be edgy too !!

huuuuuge junk food junkie. like … he will consume Everything and Anything unhealthy. has a huge sweet tooth, he can’t remember the last time he’s drank straight up water.

he’s pretty much a loner, minus his bandmates -- having a reputation like his really ... puts off others. wasn’t the friendliest person in high school either, which doesn’t help. kieran and him were kindred souls.

to be honest, he’s really selfish. thinks about himself first and foremost, considers it to be a method of surviving in a fuck-shit town with fuck-shit people. wouldn’t hesitate to toss people to the side if it were to ever come down to it. he’s not a faithful pal.

he’s ruthless, impulsive, does whatever he pleases because he assumes that everybody’s already got their opinion of him due to his father. hard to stop him when he’s on a rampage.

seething with rage on the inside. :/

uuhhh so he’s got this fucking…pomsky, right? her name is tulip. she was camilla’s before she passed away and like, what was apollo gonna do, huh ? put the dog in a shelter ? hell fucking nah. that’s his dog now. give that dog an emotional support animal certification and boom.

this isn’t like a Personality Trait but idk where to put it so ! apollo’s on antidepressants ( and other medications, but y’know. that’s just how it is ) b/c like … y’know … the whole dad-murdering-mom thing sort of fucked him up a lot ! they make him feel pretty blah and diminished his sex drive so like … hook ups aren’t really an option for him 99% of the time.

besides that he smokes a lot of weed b/c self medication.

he’s … sort of an asshole. like … he can be rude and he doesn’t have much of a filter and i don’t know if there’s any softness left to him ! he just really misses his mom and has a lot of wishes involving changing the past and he reacts badly to things because he’s so defensive and on edge constantly.

no but he’s just like. .. sad gamer boi … a man and his dog … who also carries like five knives on him.

like he’s not socially awkward or necessarily Bad with people .. he’s just bad with people :/ doesn’t try hard enough ! is a little too apathetic ! chaotic to true neutral

wanted connections !!

bandmates !! i’d envision that there’s four or five members including him. two electric guitar, one bass, one drums / keyboard ( that me -_- ) , anybody singing ... maybe a triangle player ! or a cowbell ! i dunno ! endless possibilities.

fans of the band mayb ?? try to seduce him so they can party w/ them after a show n apollo’s just like :/ nah ( or yah ! )

people he clashes with hardcore !! people who are one n the same.

uuhh ... big slut for enemies ! ppl he refuses to get along with or they’ve been on bad terms previously for whatever reason. :-)

alternately, people he’s trying really hard to get along with but it’s not working b/c he’s a shithead.

maybe an actual good, close friend or two !! y’know. so he’s not completely alone. 

people he’s fucked over previously by ditching them / being unreliable / messy / etc.

besides close friends, someone who’s soft towards him or vice versa. because as much as i love angst, i love the uwu too.

ex-flings, ex-fwbs, ex-hookups, etc. etc. ex-gfs/bfs. especially from high school.

people he’s known all his life ! childhood friends, childhood enemies, old rivals, etc.

people who like ... stayed away from him / distanced themselves after his dad’s arrest. :/

okay but like ... imagine, okay , some sort of high school romance where he used to sneak into their room / sneak them out, n then they’d like. go wild out. y’know like, parents Hate him.

ppl who end up on one of his benders / night time adventures / whatever chaotic shit w/ him.

a hook-up gone bad could b fun !

gaming pals. gaming enemies.

skater buds ! vaping buds ! stoner buds ! apollo owns like three juuls.

someone he’s good friends with ( maybe ?? potentially developing Feelings at the same time ) but apollo fucks up their friendship / possible Something because that’s just what he Does.

somebody who thought tht like ... his childhood home was just Abandoned and Empty so they started breaking in to like. get high or fuck or whatever and apollo just walks in one day like ... what are u doing.

someone who caught him dealing juul pods to middle schoolers and was like ... what are u doing. idiot.

idiot reckless buddy pals !! wreck shit together !! burn couches !! chaos !

literally i’ll take anything sdjnfkmgh

[waitineedaname]

An Evolution of Friendship

Or: Karkat isn't quite sure why he cares so much about these assholes, but they sure are part of his life now.

also on ao3!

Sixth Grade

“You’re in my seat!”

The kid sitting in your - your!!!! - seat at the lunch table frowned up at you, blinking mismatched eyes, and spoke with a thick lisp. “There aren’t assigned seats, stupid. It’s not your seat.” You clenched your fists and continued to yell.

“I sit there every day!”

“So? I don’t see your name on it!” The kid challenged. “Go sit somewhere else, you’re annoying.”

That’s it. Dad was gonna be so mad if you got in trouble, but he shouldn’t have been the one to teach you the swear words anyway.

“Asshole!” You shouted as loud as your eleven year old lungs would let you.

“Shithead!” The kid spat back, bristling.

“Bitch!”

“Dick!”

You drew in a deep breath, and then yelled so loud it practically echoed. “Fucker!”

There was a brief hush that fell over the cafeteria, and the kid with the mismatched eyes gaped up at you.

“Karkat!” Your teacher had suddenly appeared, furious. “Silent lunch!”

“But-”

“No excuses! You should be grateful I’m not calling your father and telling him what you just said.”

“Hah!” The kid who practically started this by sitting in your seat looked smug.

“Oh no, you too, Sollux.” Your teacher said, and the smug look disappeared.

“What?”

“You were clearly antagonizing him. Both of you, silent lunch. Come on.”

You and the annoying kid - Sollux - were both ushered to the end of the table where the teachers could keep an eye on you. You sat opposite each other, both of you scowling deeply. You stuck your tongue out and got a tongue back.

You spent the rest of the week in silent lunch, making faces at each other from across the table. At first it was to piss each other off, making more and more obnoxious faces while still trying to be quiet, but it didn’t take long for that to dissolve into trying to make the funniest face and get the other to laugh first.

The next week, you were allowed to sit in your regular spots, and Sollux sat down next to you. You were inseparable ever since.

Ninth Grade

You could never understand why teachers fucked with the seating arrangement at least once a year. Just when you’re getting used to the people around you, you have to move? Fucking ridiculous.

Not that you had needed to get used to your table partner. As soon as your earth science teacher had said you could sit wherever but he’d change it after the first quarter, you and Sollux had plopped your shit down together, but still. It was the principle of the matter.

Now Sollux had been moved across the room to be table partners with Terezi, which you were sure you’d hear plenty of complaining about from both of them. Honestly, they would probably end up being the most productive pair in the room. You, on the other hand…

You had been paired with Gamzee Makara.

You didn’t really know Gamzee that well. He’d apparently moved to town over the summer, and he seemed to mostly keep to himself. He sat at the back of the room on the first day and always walked in reeking of weed. That was the extent of your knowledge and all you needed to know to conclude you’d be carrying the brunt of all the group work for the rest of the semester.

You dropped your shit on the table, and Gamzee looked up at you from where he had his cheek propped on his arms. A sleepy smile spread across his face. You answered it with a scowl.

“You better not expect me to pull your ass into a passing grade just because we’re grouped together.” You said right off the bat. Gamzee raised an eyebrow slowly.

“Wasn’t expecting nothin’, motherfucker. I’ll handle my own grade, don’t you be worrying about it.” He spoke with a gently dipping drawl, voice far deeper than a freshman had any right to be.

You were about to snarl something else at him, but the teacher started talking and you didn’t want to get called out for being the loudest person in the room again. After a brief PowerPoint lecture, the teacher passed out a worksheet to each pair with instructions to work together.

To your surprise, Gamzee sat up and pulled the worksheet closer to himself to read it. You had kind of expected him to sleep through the assignments and make you do all of it, but here he was clicking a pen and already scribbling an answer to the first question.

“Hey,” He drew your attention to the second question, “D’you remember the difference between marshes, swamps, and bogs? I always get my shit mixed up with them, ain’t had a chance to study yet.”

“Uh.” You blinked at him, then shook yourself out of your surprise. “Fuck, I don’t think I know either. Hold on-” You started rifling through your notebook, and Gamzee pulled out the textbook.

Well. There might be more to Gamzee Makara than you thought.

—

Tenth Grade

“I’m just saying, it’s a load of shit! They act like their class is the most important thing in the world, when news flash! It’s not! We’re all taking other classes, asshole, and extracurriculars too! But sure, I’ll dedicate two hours a night to all your useless homework! It doesn’t matter that none of this shit helps me understand the chapter any better and I’m having to do it in my scrap of free time between all the other dozen extracurriculars I’m forced to do!”

The three of you were sitting in Sollux’s car after you had finished gorging themselves on fast food, and you were yelling your chosen tirade of the hour as Sollux and Gamzee listened patiently. Or, they would be if “patiently” meant “debating the merits of strangling your best friend” and “two seconds from falling asleep draped across the backseat”, respectively.

“Who the fuck is forcing you? You’re in eight different clubs because you’re an overachieving dumbass and have no self control, KK.” Sollux countered with the exasperated tone of someone who’d heard this same rant a dozen times now.

“College is forcing me! And their unrealistic expectations! Oh, take all the hardest classes and be in all the clubs, and oh! You have to have a leadership position in all of them too! And a job! And then maybe we’ll consider you!”

“Man, you gotta chill out sometime.” Gamzee said with a laugh, shaking his head. “You ain’t gotta worry about gettin’ in anywhere, you’ll get into anyplace you apply at.”

“As much as I hate agreeing with the reigning idiot, Gamzee’s got a point. You stress yourself out way too much, and that’s coming from me.” Sollux grimaced. “I can’t believe I just agreed with Gamzee.”

Gamzee laughed in a loud way reminiscent of a self-satisfied goose. “You know I’m motherfucking right, brother! Wait.” He paused and seemed to be in thought. “Sister? Sibling?”

Sollux’s lips quirked. They’d come out as bigender to the two of you not too long ago, and it hadn’t taken too much trouble to adjust to their pronouns. Things like this still popped up every now then, though.

“I mean, both brother and sister work. I like sibling, though.” Sollux said, clearly trying not their hardest not to be visibly relieved that Gamzee was willing to adjust the way he referred to them.

“Hell yeah, my best motherfuckin’ sibling.” Gamzee grinned, broad and easy, and reached up to ruffle Sollux’s hair, laughing when they squawked and swatted him away.

You watched the two of them for a moment, hesitating. Something had been worrying at the edge of your mind for a while now, and Sollux coming out might be enough to give you the courage to talk about it. “Hey, Sollux?” You said.

“Yeah?” Sollux said, squirming out of Gamzee’s reach. “What’s up?”

“Do you like guys or girls?” You winced as soon as the words left your mouth. There was definitely a more tactful way to say that, but thankfully, Sollux didn’t mention it.

“Uh, both I guess. I’m pretty sure I’m bisexual.” They said with a shrug. You nodded thoughtfully.

“I think I might be pansexual.”

“That’s cool,” Sollux said at the same time Gamzee yelled “Fuck yeah, me too!”

“Wait, what? You too, Gamzee?”

“Yeah!” Gamzee said, grinning. “Motherfuckin’ girls are hot, boys are hot, non-binary folks are hot,” He added with a poke to Sollux’s shoulder, “Everybody’s motherfuckin’ hot!”

“Wow, thank you so much for the validation, Gamzee.” Sollux said, voice dripping with sarcasm as they rolled their eyes. “All my self esteem issues are cured because the head jester of the Kingdom of Stupid thinks I’m attractive.”

“You know I always got your back, sib.” Gamzee said, honking with laughter again. “Motherfuckin’ always.”

—

Eleventh Grade

“Gamzee, stop it! Leave him the hell alone!”

“MOTHERFUCKER BETTER WATCH HIS FUCKING TONGUE BEFORE I RIP IT FROM HIS MOUTH-”

It was taking all of you and Sollux’s combined strength to keep Gamzee from lunging at the little asshole in front of you. You didn’t know him, but he’d been making snide transphobic comments, pointing them in Sollux’s direction. Sollux had been ignoring it; they were used to getting shitty comments about literally everything else in their life, so they didn’t see a point in confronting some random asshole they didn’t know.

Gamzee, however.

Gamzee had completely flipped.

He had always been a little cagey about his life before he moved to your high school, but from what you’d gathered, he’d gotten into his fair share of fights - or at least more than you and Sollux had in your middle school career. It had been hard for you to imagine calm and friendly Gamzee fighting anyone.

It wasn’t hard to imagine now.

Gamzee thrashed against you, trying to get another hit in on the guy, and you yanked him backwards to the best of your ability. “Gamzee, you dumb asshole, chill the fuck out!”

He glanced down at you, fury written on every inch of his face, and softened for just a split second.

But apparently the transphobic asshole had never learned when to shut up.

“Yeah, listen to your boyfriend!” He jeered despite the already purpling bruise on his face. He said something else too, a slur that made your blood run cold, and if your grip loosened when Gamzee tugged against you again, well…

“MOTHERFUCKER, I’LL KILL YOU, TEACH YOU NEVER TO SAY THAT SHIT AGAIN, SNAP YOUR LITTLE NECK-” Gamzee had slammed him against the wall, using the significant height advantage he had over most of your peers to tower over this other kid. You and Sollux took a step back and watched in horror as the adults rushed in, pulling them away from each other. It took two adults much larger than either of you to restrain Gamzee and yank him down the hall to the principal’s office.

The assistant principal told you the crowd that had grown around your scene to go to class, and then turned to you and Sollux. “You two, come with me.”

You opened your mouth to complain, but Sollux grabbed your arm tightly and sent you a look that clearly read don’t you fucking dare.

The two of you followed the assistant principal to his office in sullen silence and sat down in the chairs pulled up to his desk. He sat down opposite you and frowned, looking both of you in the eyes for a moment. “You mind telling me what that was about?”

Again, you opened your mouth to start yelling, but Sollux got to it first. “Some twerp was saying offensive shit he shouldn’t have been saying, and Gamzee got defensive.” Sollux shrugged as if it weren’t a big deal, but you could see the tension in their shoulders.

“That piece of shit was calling us slurs!” You jumped in. “You can’t suspend Gamzee for defending his friends and you sure as hell can’t let shit like that be tolerated!”

“Mr. Vantas, you are in no place to be telling administration what we can and cannot do.” He responded coldly, and you snapped your mouth shut. He then sighed. “I will try to make sure Gamzee is not the only one punished. Okay?”

Both you and Sollux nodded stiffly, and you were escorted back out into the waiting room in the front of the office. He told you that he could write you a note back to your classes, but you made it very clear that you were going to wait for Gamzee. The two of you waited in apprehensive silence for what felt like an eternity until the principal’s door opened and Gamzee slinked out with the other kid. The slimy asshole disappeared out the door in a rush, but Gamzee walked over to you two with his hands in his pockets.

“What’d they say?” Sollux asked.

“If you got arrested, I’m killing you.” You added, and that made Gamzee huff out a quiet laugh.

“Nah, motherfuckers, just suspended.” He stared at his feet, scuffing one of his worn shoes in the flat carpet. “...Dunno how I’m gettin’ home, though. My foster dad’ll be fuckin’ pissed if I make him leave work to pick my dumb ass up.”

Sollux glanced at the clock and shrugged. “Fuck it. I don’t think I could give less of a shit about my English class right now. I’ll drive you home.” Gamzee looked up at them like they’d just promised to pay for his college tuition. “What? Don’t fucking look at me like that. KK, are you in?”

“Why the hell not, I’ll just go full fucking delinquent! This is what you’ve done to me, Gamzee. You’re making me a reprobate. Soon enough, I’m going to be selling cigarettes behind the middle school and stealing cheap alcohol, and it’ll be all your fault.”

You’d never skipped a day in your life, but you spent the rest of the afternoon on Sollux’s couch playing Splatoon. It almost felt like the events of that morning hadn’t happened, and when Gamzee hugged you both very tightly, you hugged back despite your complaints and Sollux’s teasing.

—

Twelfth Grade

“Terezi, I know you know which way the camera is! Will you turn the fuck around already?!”

Terezi cackled at your yelling, which you felt was a good summary of your friendship in five words, but she finally obliged and turned around. You grumbled and put your arm around her shoulders, your other one around Gamzee’s back where he leaned against you. Sollux was on the other side of Terezi and you had to reach over to smack the side of their head to get them to put away their phone.

“Say cheese!” Aradia said, smiling at the four of you from behind your phone as she took the picture. They could call you a mom friend all they wanted, but you wanted to document this. You were graduating, all four of you, and by some miracle, you were all going to the same college.

The miracle in question was actually the combination of you and Terezi’s sheer stubborn natures and determination to not break up the squad that had developed over the years - whether that be a new addition, like Gamzee, or someone who had been annoying you since second grade, like Terezi, or someone who didn’t even go to your school, like Aradia.

You still couldn’t believe it had happened, even though you’d been the one to orchestrate it. When you received your acceptance letter, you might have cried a little bit (okay, a lot, but really, was that so out of ordinary for your overly emotional ass?). Gamzee had been just as stunned - he’d gone through school with people telling him he’d be lucky to graduate, and his disciplinary record hadn’t made that easy, but you think encouraging him to explain himself in his short answer questions helped; an undying loyalty to his friends and defending them at his own expense had to mean something, right? Sollux and Terezi hadn’t been surprised by their acceptances in the slightest, the smug assholes, but you knew they were just as happy as you were.

Terezi dragged Aradia off to do god knows whatever mayhem the two of them got up to together, and Gamzee pulled you and Sollux over to sit down on one of the benches nearby.

“Man, I can’t believe y’all didn’t let me smoke before that.” Gamzee said with a laugh, taking off his graduation cap and undoing the bun he’d had to tie his curls into to get the cap to fit.

“The alternative was you sleeping through your name being called and making the rest of us wait for someone to wake up your useless stoner ass. I think you can fucking deal for a few hours.” You snapped back. “Besides, you have plenty of time to get blazed out of your mind before you come to the graduation party. Just don’t bring your bong or Kankri will throw a conniption fit.”

“Man, he does that already. Dude needs to motherfuckin’ chill out a minute. Hey, do you think he’d-”

“Nope. Don’t even try to get my brother high.”

Gamzee shrugged as if to say we’ll see and glanced down at Sollux who was oddly quiet between you two. He followed their gaze and chuckled softly. You looked too and snorted. Sollux was staring in Aradia’s direction, their face the perfect image of lovestruck fool.

“You’re such a fucking sap.” You said, nudging Sollux and earning yourself a glare.

“What?” They snapped. Behind them, Gamzee started humming something that sounded suspiciously like Sollux and Aradia, sitting in a tree…

“Oh, nothing, just that the biggest asshole I know somehow found a girlfriend that makes them the softest idiot in the world. You’re staring after her like a fucking puppy, who the fuck are you and what did you do with Sollux Captor?”

“Shut the fuck up, KK, I don’t have to deal with this shit from you.” They made a face at you and turned back towards Aradia’s direction. “Just because you and Terezi were dysfunctional, that doesn’t mean everyone else has to be.”

You were about to bluster about you and Terezi’s (failed and long-dead) relationship, but Gamzee poked your shoulder, leaning around behind Sollux to get to you.

“I bet she don’t get all of ‘em soft.” Gamzee said in an overly loud stage whisper.

“Oh my god!” Sollux yelled. “I’m going to strangle you two!”

“Aw, come on sib, y’know you be lovin’ us no matter what.” Gamzee said, squishing his cheek against Sollux’s and only laughing when Sollux put their hand flat in the middle of his face and pushed.

“I changed my mind, I’m switching colleges. If have to spend four more years with you assholes, I’ll end up killing either you two or myself.” Sollux said venomously, squirming half onto your lap to get away from Gamzee despite your protests.

“Aw, but then we’ll be at different schools!” Aradia suddenly appeared in front of you, Terezi at her side. “I’ll help you hide the bodies if it comes to that, though. Terezi, what are the laws on murdering your roommates?”

“Extremely illegal! You would rot in jail forever.” You’d never known someone to be able to perfectly personify a smug “>:)” like Terezi fucking Pyrope. “Of course, justice might have some… blind spots.”

“Was that a pun? Did you just fucking make a justice is blind pun?” You asked, affronted.

Terezi grinned in a way that showed off all of her teeth and you couldn’t help but be reminded of a shark about to tear its teeth into you. “The prosecution refrains from comment!”

“We’re not even on trial! How the fuck would you even be a prosecutor?!”

“‘Sides, ain’t it me and Karkat gettin’ killed here?” Gamzee added, having given up on his mission to squish Sollux. “Wouldn’t you be defending us ‘n all?”

“Gamzee, if a dead man ever found a way to get convicted, it would be you.” Terezi sniffed and looked down her nose at him - or at least she tried. Her face was actually pointed a couple feet to his left. She did her best.

“And if a lawyer ever managed to convict a dead man, it’d be you, Rezi.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment! Anyway, Karkat, your parents are looking for you.”

“Ugh, I’ve probably gotta go help them get ready for the party.” You groaned and extricated yourself from under Sollux. You got to your feet and brushed yourself off. “You’re all coming, right?”

“Duh.” Terezi answered for the rest of them, who all nodded their agreement. “Why wouldn’t we, Crabcakes?”

You grimaced at the nickname, and you knew she knew you were doing that, despite not being able to see you. “Just don’t trash my fucking house, okay? And don’t bring your fucking bong, Gamzee!” You shouted over your shoulder, walking over to where your family was talking to Sollux’s dad.

“No motherfucking promises!” He shouted back. You shot him the middle finger.

College should be interesting.

—

Freshman Year

It was 2:34 in the morning, and your dumbass roommate was still awake.

You’d ended up in doubles, and Gamzee had magnanimously decided to go with a randomly assigned roommate so you and Sollux could room together. It had turned out alright so far; Gamzee’s was living just down the hall with an awkward animal science major in a wheelchair that Gamzee looked at like he’d hung the moon, and you and Sollux had yet to kill each other because of being stuck together in close quarters.

The only problem was you were pretty sure you hadn’t seen Sollux sleep at all in the past week.

“Sol?” You said, your voice raspy with sleep. Sollux glanced over their shoulder at you, then turned back to their computer. “Why the fuck are you awake?”

“Go back to sleep, KK.” They said, not even looking at you. They just continued to type away at some program they were coding. You frowned and sat up.

“What the hell are you even doing?”

“My final project, and you’re fucking with my focus.”

You rubbed at your face, forcing some of the bleariness out of your eyes. “Don’t you have an 8am?”

“Yeah, and?”

“And it’s the asscrack of night, shithead! You should be asleep!”

“I’ll sleep when I’m dead.”

“That might be sooner than later if you keep this up!”

Sollux shrugged and didn’t respond. Alright, time to pull out the big guns. You mumbled something about going to the bathroom that you’re sure Sollux didn’t listen to whatsoever climbed out of bed. You shuffled down past the bathroom to Gamzee’s room and knocked.

There wasn’t a response. You knocked a little louder and heard a muffled “Gamzee, wake up” followed by a sleepy grunt and the creaks of someone climbing down a bunk-bed. The door opened to reveal a half-asleep Gamzee. Tavros looked like he’d already fallen back asleep.

“What’s up, bro?” Gamzee said through a yawn.

“Sollux isn’t sleeping.” That was all you needed to say for Gamzee to nod and step out into the hall with you. Sollux had done this a couple times in high school, usually around exam week, and you both knew they wouldn’t go to bed unless physically forced.

Sollux didn’t look up from their laptop when you came back to the room, but they did jolt to attention when Gamzee leaned over their shoulder to peer at the work.

“What’re you workin’ on?”

“I’m coding something for my final - why the fuck are you here?”

“This is an intervention.” You answered for Gamzee.

“For what? He’s the druggie.” Sollux said, jerking their thumb at Gamzee. Gamzee just hummed lightly and pulled Sollux’s chair back.

“You need to sleep before you end up in the hospital. This is due, what, two weeks from now? I think you can risk one night of sleep.”

“I told you, I’m fine, I just- stop it!” Sollux squawked as Gamzee scooped them up in his arms.

“Nah, the motherfucker’s right. You gotta get some sleep, best friend.” Gamzee plopped down on your bunk, still holding Sollux tight. You saved Sollux’s work on their laptop - you were abhorrent at coding, but you knew how to do at least that much - and dropped yourself on top of them both. Sollux was squirming and scrambling like a cat trying to escape a bathtub, but their scrawny ass couldn’t escape Gamzee’s tight grip and your weight on top of them.

“God, can you calm down for three fucking seconds?” You grumbled, still tired from having woken up in the middle of the night.

“That’s rich coming from Shitfit Vantas.” Sollux snapped, but they finally stopped wiggling around. “I’m gonna fail.”

“No, you’re not.”

“Yes, I am. I’m going to fail this class and they’re going to kick me out of my major.” It was clear they were getting sleepy despite their words.

“The alternative is death. There’s no fucking dying allowed in this dorm room, got it?”

“I’ll die in Gamzee’s room, then.”

“Good motherfucking luck.” Gamzee mumbled, already half asleep with his face in Sollux’s neck. Sollux groaned and seemed to finally give in.

“I hate you both. You know that, right? You’re the fucking worst.”

“Just shut up and go to sleep, asshole.” You mumbled, passing out on Sollux’s chest.

Sollux slept until 4pm. They missed their 8am, but they didn’t fail their class. You counted that as a win.

--

Sophomore Year

You and Sollux were sitting on either side of Gamzee, both of you holding his shaking hands. The therapist’s waiting room was empty except for the three of you.

The past couple weeks had been rough. At first you’d thought the stress of school on top of working a couple jobs to afford the apartment the three of you shared had been taking a toll on Gamzee, and it probably had been, but it became clear something else was at play.

He’d been acting erratically, his mood swinging from calm to angry much more than it ever had. He shirked his responsibilities, skipped all his classes, locked himself in his room, looked at you and Sollux like he didn’t recognize you. You’d seen him angry before, just a handful of times, and it was a frightening experience, but you’d never had it turned on you before this past week. He seemed like he was itching for a fight and didn’t know where he was.

Whatever episode it had been, it was over now, and Gamzee was miserable. It was Sollux who took the initiative, who insisted he go to a therapist. You both promised to go with him, and you had a feeling that’s what convinced him to go.

“Gamzee?” A kindly looking woman appeared at the end of the hallway. She smiled at the three of you. “You can come down now if you like.”

Gamzee took a shaky breath and you squeezed his hand. “Do you want us to come with you?” You asked, and he nodded. The three of you got up and followed the therapist to her office.

The therapist asked some questions that you expected; this was supposed to be an initial assessment to figure out where to start with Gamzee’s mental health. When scheduling the appointment, you’d mentioned the oddness of the past couple weeks, so that’s where she started. He told her what you’d assumed: he hadn’t been thinking clearly, there was some disconnect with reality, he couldn’t control his mood, how he’d felt like he could and should do anything. That all you could’ve gathered from the outside. But when she asked if he’d been hearing or seeing things that weren’t there, you were surprised, even more so when Gamzee hesitated and said “I-...Yeah. So motherfucking loud…” You had no idea, and it took all your willpower to not bombard Gamzee with questions. She kept talking to him, gentle and comforting the whole time, asking how he felt now (miserable, guilty, exhausted), if this had happened before (not this motherfucking much), if mental illness ran in the family (ain’t never fuckin’ known his dad to be anything but angry, and he ain’t been in the old man’s house since he was a little kid, anyway. Brother get real angry too sometimes, but not that bad, he’s nice enough, ain’t never hurt him).

When their appointment time was up, she pulled out a business card and scribbled something on the back. “I’m going to refer you to a psychiatrist friend of mine. That way you can get a second opinion and get on a prescription.” She said, handing him the card.

Gamzee looked at the card, then at her, confusion written on his face. “Prescription? I ain’t got a cold or nothin’.”

“If she agrees with my diagnosis, she’ll probably prescribe you anti-psychosis medication.” You heard Gamzee’s breath hitch beside you. “I believe you might have schizoaffective disorder.”

“Motherfucker, what?”

“It’s a common disorder where someone exhibits symptoms of schizophrenia and a mood disorder.” She seemed to sense Gamzee’s rising panic and was quick to try to reassure him. “I know it sounds scary, but it can be treated, I promise. Medication and therapy go a long way.” A light flashed on her wall notifying her that her next patient had arrived, and she stood, prompting the three of you to stand as well, Gamzee much more slowly than you and Sollux. “I’m afraid I have another appointment right now, but I’d be happy to schedule you in again next week, alright?”

Gamzee didn’t respond, still staring at the business card numbly, so Sollux jumped in. “We’ll call you.” They said, tugging Gamzee towards the door.

You passed the therapist’s next patient in the hall and found yourselves in an empty waiting room again. Gamzee was still silent between you two.

“Gamz?” You asked. “Are you okay?”

“No I motherfucking am not.” Gamzee sighed. Sollux peered over at the business card.

“That’s the psychiatrist I go to for my meds. She’s pretty nice.” They said, and both you and Gamzee stared at them in surprise.

“Since when the hell do you take meds?” You asked.

“Since this past summer.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because it didn’t come up! Excuse me for not walking around declaring ‘guess what, I’ve been diagnosed with bipolar type II disorder!’” Sollux folded their arms defensively. They looked at Gamzee and sighed, their posture softening. “Look. I’m not gonna lie to you and say this shit doesn’t suck. Getting diagnosed with a mental illness? Realizing you’re not functioning the way you should be? Having to take medication to get your brain to cooperate and release the right chemicals? It all fucking sucks. But you’re not the only one going through this shit, okay? Medication helps. Going to therapy helps. And if you ever feel like your brain is plotting your own demise, chances are high that you can come to me and be like ‘hey Sollux, I hate having a brain right now’ and I’ll be like ‘oh shit, me too!’ and we can lay on the kitchen floor and have a depressive episode together while Karkat, I dunno, yells positive affirmations or something. Trauma thunderdome featuring our loud, encouraging roommate.”

“I wouldn’t yell at you if you were having a depressive episode!” You protested.

“Yes you fucking would. Yelling is just your default state of talking. Is Karkat’s mouth open? Then he’s yelling.” Sollux rolled their eyes. Gamzee laughed weakly and rubbed at his eyes.

“Fuck, y’all, I’m-” Gamzee took in a shaky breath and tugged both of you in with his long arms for a tight hug. “I’m so fuckin’ grateful for whatever motherfucking miracle it was that brought y’all in my life.”

“The miracle was Mr. Webb in ninth grade.” You mumbled, face half squished against Gamzee’s chest. Why were all of your friends so stupidly tall? It was uncalled for. You hugged him back.

“I definitely wouldn’t call Mr. Webb a miracle.” Sollux said, and their thin arms wrapped around you both. “He cared more about the basketball team’s scores than our grades.”

“He’s a motherfuckin’ miracle if he got me to meet my best friends in the whole motherfucking universe.” Gamzee’s voice sounded thick and you pulled back to get a look at him.

“Are you crying?”

Gamzee rubbed at his face and let out a watery laugh. “Guess I motherfucking am. I just can’t believe y’all give a shit about me.”

“Big dumb idiot.” You grumbled, grabbing a box of tissues from a nearby table. “You should know by now that we give more than a shit about you.”

“What’s more than a shit?” Sollux asked. “A full bowel movement?”

“That’s disgusting, but yes. We give a whole bowel movement about you, Gamzee. You’re the food being digested and going through the intestinal tract of friendship. Got it?”

Gamzee laughed and took the tissues from you, wiping at his face. “Yeah, motherfucker, I get it.”

“Come on,” Sollux jingled their keys at you, “Let’s move this cry session home. I’m tired of standing in this fucking waiting room.”

“What, you don’t like the decorations?” Gamzee teased, which was encouraging return to normalcy. “Look, they even got a cute lil clown painting, I didn’t even see this motherfucker earlier.”

“I especially hate that decoration.” Sollux said, making a face.

“If you even think of decorating our apartment with clowns, I’m evicting you. Do you hear me?” You added, backing Sollux up.

“What, not even my room?” Gamzee put his hands in his pockets and started to follow Sollux to the door. “No fuckin’ clown posters? Some juggling clubs maybe? Make a motherfuckin’ carnival out of the place.”

“If you want to turn your room into more of a circus than it is already, I can’t fucking stop you, but it better stop at the doorway, so help me god.”

“Hell yeah, motherfucker. Might pick up the unicycle too.”

“Every time I think I understand you, you just say shit like that and I have to reevaluate how fucking weird you are.” Sollux said, shaking their head. “Are we going or what?”

“Yeah, motherfucker, we’re going.” Gamzee said, and the three of you left the office.

--

Junior Year

“You’re overthinking this, KK.”

“I am not overthinking this! I am thinking precisely the right amount for the situation! It just so happens that the situation warrants a fuck ton of thinking!”

“Man, I told you, just suck the motherfucker’s dick.”

You glared darkly at Gamzee, who was currently stealing grapes from the fridge and giving you an amused look. Sollux spoke before you could verbally rip him to shreds.

“It’s an anniversary gift, GZ. It has to be something he doesn’t do all the time already.” They said, audibly bored despite the smirk they gave you when you turned your outraged look on them. “What? We all know you suck dick.”

“That’s not the fucking point!” You argued. Sollux rolled their eyes.

“Right, get angry that I implied you’re sexually active with your boyfriend. Great fucking logic, 10/10.”

“The point-” You continued, raising your voice even louder, “Is that this is our first anniversary! It demands a grand romantic gesture!”

“Just buy him flowers or something, you overly dramatic mollusk enthusiast. Dave’s fucking smitten with you, I’m pretty sure he won’t give a shit if it’s not peak romance.”

You started to argue, then paused and processed what they’d just said. “What the fuck does mollusk enthusiast even mean? What the hell?”

“You know, mollusks. Because you have a hermit crab?”

You stared at them for a long second. “...You dumb son of a bitch, do you mean crustaceans?”

“Eh, mollusks, crustaceans, whatever, you’re the enthusiast here.” Sollux waved you off. “The point is that you could probably write a love note on Dave’s toilet seat and he’d still have the doki dokis for you.”

“It doesn’t matter if he’s satisfied with the bare minimum! He deserves more.” You huffed and buried your face in your arms on the table. There were a few moments of silence where apparently Sollux was making some kind of facial expression at Gamzee because you heard him say “motherfucker, don’t ask me to help him, I don’t know shit.” That made you shift to glare at Sollux across the table. “Yeah, Gamzee doesn’t know shit, but you do. You’ve celebrated anniversaries with Aradia and Feferi, what the fuck did you do?”

“I don’t know, it’s different for each of them.” Sollux sighed, resigning themself to give you actual advice. “I usually choose an event that they like that we wouldn’t normally go to. Feferi and I have only had one anniversary so far, but we went into the city and I bought her a nice dinner and we saw a concert. Aradia and I have a tradition of going to a graveyard she hasn’t been to yet so she can live out her goth date fantasies. For our joint anniversary, they took me to get beekeeping lessons. It was fun.”

You wrinkled your nose. “I don’t know about a graveyard or beekeeping, but… dinner might work.”

“I can send you some of the places I was considering for Feferi.” Sollux offered, and okay, maybe they weren’t the worst friend.

“Hey, the brother’s at likin’ dead shit, right?” Gamzee asked, sitting down next to you and offering his bowl of snacks.

“That’s the creepiest way of saying he likes paleontology, but yes, he does. Why?” You said, grabbing a handful of chips.

“You know that science museum Tavros’s working at? They’re hosting some collection, full of dinosaur bones and shit. Supposed to be pretty fuckin’ cool.”

“Why didn’t you lead with that, asshole, instead of suggesting I suck his dick a million times?!”

Gamzee shrugged, grinning easily at you. “That idea still ain’t off the fucking table.”

“Hopefully there won’t be any fucking on the table.” Sollux interjected. “We all eat here and I don’t trust you to not have warts on your ass.”

“That’s fucking rich coming from someone greasy enough to put KFC to shame! I don’t know why you ever get your oil changed at the Kia dealership, you could probably just wring out your pillowcase into the tank and you’d be good! Do you have an agreement with Burger King so they can get the formula to their greasy garbage from studying your pores? Are your girlfriends aware that they’re dating a Checkers wrapper?”

“Jesus, KK, take a breath, what the fuck. I don’t want to have to explain to the EMTs that you asphyxiated because you were defending your ass warts.” Sollux shook their head, more than used to your raging at this point. Gamzee patted your head absently, but you were pretty sure he’d already checked out of the conversation.

You huffed loudly, but for all your grumbling, there was still a tiny part of you that was deeply grateful for your friends. They were fucking weird and total assholes, but then again, weren’t you? You’d been friends through the embarrassment that was middle school, the stressful hell of high school, the chaos that was your entry into adulthood. Together for the good times, splurging on bad food and wrecking each other in Mario Kart, and for the bad times, pulling Gamzee away from fights and making sure Sollux ate during their depressive episodes. Sure, your friend group was larger than you’d admit, made up of a combination of the people you’d known since you were a kid, like Terezi, and the new people you’d met in college, like Kanaya, and that friend group was only growing as you got to know a vast web of friends through Dave, but Sollux and Gamzee still stood out. They were your best friends, and they meant the world to you.

Ugh. You grimaced the moment that embarrassingly fond thought crossed your mind. Lucky enough for you, Sollux had started trying to throw grapes in Gamzee’s mouth and their atrocious aim meant you got a grape in the eye at a high enough velocity to make you screech, and the moment had effectively passed.

Yep. These were your friends, and you were stuck with them. For better or for worse.