#he's going on and on about how our mom is a shitty driver and how she's gotten into aaaallll these accidents when they first got together

[fabulouslygaybean]

my dad is such a cunt

[dayslynthesix]

bad idea, right? | max verstappen x female!oc [part 1]

the one when max verstappen got back to his ex girlfriend

an: i swear part 2 is funnier please don't give up part 2

amayamedina

liked by itsmegigi, thstsanneg_, beabee, charles_leclerc, maxverstappen1 and others

amayamedina i wish i was still blond to be on my merliah summers era. see you next year, spain, i had a lovely time here 🩷🇪🇸

itsmegigi the only certain i have in my life is that we're gonna be together next summer

amayamedina obviously girl, its us to the end of the world duuuhhh

thstsanneg_ i love you and i will definitely miss you during the year 😭😭

amayamedina stoppp you'll have to came to see mee 😭😭

beabee i think this was the best summer we ever had

amayamedina i know right?? this one felt more special

maxverstappen1 ⛱️🧡 liked by amayamedina

charles_leclerc it was lovely to meet you and the gang

amayamedina it was super nice to mee you, my mom will love to hear i watch the race from ferrari garage, shes a big fan

user1 so this is the girl we saw with max during the barcelona gp?

user2 idk maybe? she looks pretty

user3 she's a beach volleyball player i think

user6 how did you already found out her social media??

user1 she's a beach volleyball player (was, idk) and she's also a sports influencer

may 13th, 2019

amayamedina

liked by charles_leclerc, georgerussell63, itsmegigi, maxverstappen1, thstsanneg_ and others

amayamedina interlagos was alway my favorite track 🇧🇷

maxverstappen1 your my favorite ❤️

amayamedina i love youuuu

thstsanneg_ i still cant believe you're dating a playboy who's job is literally racing in circles

amayamedina i know right??

user83 i hate the way they talk about max career like it's nothing

user92 girl it's not that deep they're joking

itsmegigi you're kinda cute

maxverstappen1 are you considering redbull as your next team?

itsmegigi im with ferrari until the day i die

beabee mom and dad 🥰

amayamedina no

charles_leclerc gross

amayamedina no one invited you here and if i recall you and max are not on speaking terms so plese fix that!

charles_leclerc no

user1 SO SHE IS THE GIRL

user93 she was pretty much at every gp and was seen with him at least four times guys, it's obvious

user1 we're happy they announced, that's all

user33 she's so gorgeous

user83 i meet them last night and she was very polite AND she was the one who took the photo i have with max

november 19th, 2019

amayamedina

liked by maxverstappen1, charles_leclerc, charlottesiine, itsmegigi, thstsanneg_ and others

amayamedina me and my girls (and the boys), italy trip you'll aways be famous! 🇮🇹

maxverstappen1 🧡🧡🧡

charles_leclerc the trip is always famous untill someone end up in the hospital with a food poisoning

amayamedina i told you to take it easy with the shrimp...

beabee ok that was amazing!! can't wait for next years

amayamedina we'l be here!

itsmegigi all the pottery it was me! i need people to know that ams and bea are shitty at it

amayamedina anne helped... a little

charles_leclerc no she didn't, she was BUSY TRYING TO GUIDE THE BOAT SINCE MAX AND AMAYA KEPT ARGUING!! comment have been deleted

charles_leclerc no she didn't 🤪

thstsanneg_ i love you guys

redbullracing take care of max, he's our precious driver and we need him!

amayamedinaif he was here i would! comment have been deleted

amayamedina sure adm! 😌

may 28th, 2021

amayamedina and maxverstappen1

liked by itsmegigi, georgerussell63. charles_leclerc, maxverstappen1 and others

amayamedina after two and a half years together with max, we decided to go separate paths, i will be forever grateful for the time we spent together 🩷

maxverstappen1 thank you for allowing me to be your partner, i will hold those memories close to my heart. wish you all the best 🧡

comments on this post have been restricted

june 10th, 2021

amayamedina

liked by itsmegigi, charles_leclerc, thstsanneg_, beabee and others

amayamedina birthday me with the people i love the most in the place im the happiest, thank you so much for being here with me and to celebrate my life with me, i will hold those memories close to my heart ❤️‍🩹 happy cancer season everyone ♋️🦀 | 📍 positano, italy

itsmegigi i love you and i love to spend your day with you, you're my best friend in the world and your happiness means a lot to me 💛

amayamedina you mean a lot to me! 💛

thstsanneg_ happy happy happy birthday my friend, you're the best, you deserve your friends with you today

amayamedina don't make me cry again 😭 i love you and im super grateful to have you in my life

beabee im crying again, i love you! it you and me (and gi, and annie) that's my whole world until the end

amayamedina my world is only whole when im with you, annie and gigi, i love you ❤️

charles_leclerc happy birthday, ames, you deserve all the best

amayamedina thank you charlie, thank you for being here 💖

charlottesiine it was amazing to celebrate with you, i hope you have a great year!

amayamedina it was amazing c! thank you for coming 💖

user13 don't you guys think that's strange that amaya and max broke up like 10 days ago and charles is celebrating her birthday with her?

user83 not at all, they seemed very friendly with each other and charlotte and her became very close

user89 people can't have friends anymore

madalenamedina_ happy birthday my beautiful girl, i still remember the day i found out that i was going to be a mom and the day i listened to your heart for the first time, i love you dearly and immeasurably ❤️❤️❤️

amayamedina thank you mom, i love you! you're the best mom i could have asked for and i want to be your daughter in every life after this one

user82 HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMAYA!!!

lewishamilton happy birthday, amaya! wishing yoi all the best 🙏🏻

amayamedina thank you, lewis! 💖

june 30th, 2021

maxverstappen1

liked by redbullracing, f1, pierregasly and others

maxverstappen1 🏆😄

redbullracing our world champ!

kellypiquet ❤️❤️❤️

danielricciardo congrats mate

landonorris 💥💥

user92 goat

user193 i mean congrats i guess

user82 the fia is now giving world championships like it's candy lol

user95 it was supposed to be amaya with him 😭😭

user33 move on they broke up hes happy with kelly

december 16th, 2021

maxverstappen1

liked by charles_leclerc, f1, redbullracing and others

maxverstappen1 after 2 years together, kelly and i decided to go different ways, i ask you, please, for privacy during this moment and respect to her and her personal life.

november 17th, 2023

comments on this post have been restricted

amayamedina just added a story

november 23rd, 2023

maxverstappen1 has answered this story

maxverstappen1 can we talk? it's been a while

amayamedina i don't know if i still had anything to talk to you

maxverstappen1 kelly and i we broke up

amayamedina im sorry

maxverstappen1 no you're not haha

amayamedina yeah im not lol but i guess a talk won't do harm so sure

maxverstappen1 can i pick you up?

amayamedina sure, give me 10min

[hearts4golbach]

Just Give Me a Reason. (Pt. 2.)

pairing:

Johnnie Guilbert x Pregnant!Fem!Reader.

a/n:

I've gotten many requests for a part 2 to this!

warnings:

none

hormones were kicking your ass today. you sat at the edge of your bed sobbing. you were so unsure of everything revolving around having a baby. although you knew Johnnie would be an amazing father, you feared you'd be a shitty mother. your face was red, and your eyes were puffy. you rubbed your eyes as you were sniffling and trying to calm yourself down.

you heard the front door unlock and open, and moments later, there were 2 knocks on your bedroom door. "Hi, love." Johnnie came in with a smile on his face. his expression dropped, turning into worry whenever he saw you crying. "y/n, what's wrong?"

he sat next to you on the bed. "What if i'm a terrible mother?" You looked down at your growing baby bump, rubbing it gently with one hand. "Our baby needs to have a good mom." You sniffled and looked at Johnnie.

"Listen to me. you're going to be the best fucking mother in the world, okay? i know this baby will never think any different." he rubbed your back. his eyebrows were furrowed with worry and his eyes glistened.

"are you sure?" you wiped your eyes. Johnnie always knew how to calm you down.

he took your hand. "I'm more than sure. are you gonna sit here and cry or are we going to go shopping so our baby has the best room ever?"

a small smile grew on your face. "really? you wanna go shopping with me? i wasn't sure if you'd be down for that."

he rolled his eyes. "oh my god, y/n. im way more than down for that."

you wiped the tears from your eyes. you jumped out of bed and slipped your shoes on. you practically ran out to the car. Well, not so much ran, but I'm sure you can picture that. Johnnie followed not far behind you.

since you told him you were pregnant, Johnnie worked on getting his license and finally got it. he hopped into the drivers seat and started the car. "have you been thinking of baby names, mama?"

"no, I was actually going to talk about it with you. honestly, I have no idea. whether it's a boy or girl, my mind is straight TV static." you admitted as you buckled your seat belt.

"talk about it later? I have no clue, either. I was kind of hoping you would."

you held his hand. "yeah, later. Tara has basically been spamming me with baby names."

To no surprise, your pregnancy was a surprise to Jake and Tara. especially whenever they found out Johnnie was the father. nonetheless, they were excited. Tara wanted to help plan a baby shower, but you wanted to keep the babies gender within family and the 4 of you. 5, including carrington. she complied, even though she was slightly disappointed in your decision.  Jake was especially over the moon for Johnnie, who had expressed he wanted a family before you two even met.

Johnnie squeezed your hand. "maybe we can look through those, I guess." he laughed.

the upcoming month would be your next doctors appointment, in which you'd find out the baby's gender. Johnnie tagged along to all of your appointments, but couldn't contain his excitement over this one.

Johnnie parked as close to Target as he could. he opened the passenger door for you. with one hand on your stomach and the other one interlocked with his, you walked into Target.

"im going to get one of those cringe shirts that says 'father of the year' and wear it everywhere. to parties, too." he laughed.

"Oh my god, you wouldn't do that. especially to parties." You rolled your eyes at his dumb comment.

"Watch me." he squeezed your hand again.

a black crib with speckled blue, red, and yellow paint caught your eye. you nearly cried. It was the cutest thing you had ever seen. you pointed at it. "that's cute as fuck! do you think the baby would like it?" You eyed the price, which wasn't half bad, before facing Johnnie.

his face lit up whenever he saw it. "I think they would love it." he ran his fingers along the fake wood of the crib.

"I'll just order it whenever we get home. I do not feel like helping you carry that shit inside, no offense." You groaned, looking at all of the adorable baby clothing options. "I can't wait until we can shop for their clothes." You rubbed your belly with your hand gently. you were showing before, but it was starting to become prominent.

he agreed before pointing out a dark blue rug. "That's cute. it'd match the crib."

"it is! we should get it."

Johnnie agreed with you before grabbing the small rug and tossing it in the basket. you planned to lay it in front of the crib, purely for the aesthetic.

"I don't think we need all that fancy shit, like a changing table, don't you think?" you asked Johnnie as you wandered the aisles.

he shook his head, "Nah. I never had a changing table. I mean, I don't think."

"Yeah, me either. I didn't know what one was until I took that one class in high school. you know, the one where you carry around fake babies for a week?"

"Yeah. thank God I never took that class." he joked.

you stumbled across a black, mini rocking chair. it was cheap, for what it was, and easy to carry. "Awe." You cooed as you pointed it out. "I mean, unnecessary but cute decor."

"I was thinking the same thing."

"Yeah, let's get a chair they can't use for a while but not a changing table." you said sarcastically as you put it in the cart.

he giggled. "who gives a fuck? it's our baby."

you nodded your head. "True." johnnie kissed your forehead before returning to pushing the cart.

only a few days prior, you and Johnnie had called his mom to break the news. she freaked out in a good way, of course. although she thought he was a little young, she was happy that both of you were. she congratulated you and asked how you were doing, and the two of you talked through Johnnies phone about him for 30 minutes. Johnnie listened, clearly embarrassed as she told you embarrassing stories of him when he was a child. those stories made you all the more excited to have your mini Johnnie running around.

no other items peaked your interest nor Johnnies. you happily made your way to the checkout without a care in the world.

with only two items, check out was quick, and you made it back to the car. "y/n," Johnnie spoke up as he shut the driver door. "You're going to be an amazing mother."

[shipskicksandgiggles]

dialogue prompts

hi! I'm ellis, and for the past 4 years I've been a college student and have had a very normal time about it, evidenced by the very normal collection of sentences I have heard and said during my time in college that make for fantastic fic prompts for me and anyone else to use as inspiration. this list was delayed because while school has been over with for a month now, this is my last college list since I graduated, but I realized it will very likely not be my last list, because people say insane shit to me all the time and I am never at a loss for material. anywhom, yall know the drill, pick a number, a fandom, and a ship or dynamic and send them my way!

“My life is so weird, I just wrote an email with the subject line ‘Eggs’.”

“I know I texted you at 3am but this is on brand for me. Why are you awake?”

“Yeah we went and picked up six dozen eggs and pet five dogs. It was a good day.” “What the hell are you doing?”

“Hey I have a soup related question.”

“He’s like if a shitty hot water heater was a person.”

“Do you think my students know that I have a personal life? I don’t think they even realize I’m a person.”

“Is this like, your big girl job?” “No, it’s a job in my field and I want to move closer to it, but it’s not my ‘big girl job’. Yes, it’s my big girl job, why wouldn’t it be?”

“I’m invested in drama from my town that happened over a hundred years ago. Like I want to know what the ice cream incident of the mid-1880s was.”

“I’m actively crying in the parking lot of a gas station but it’s okay because it’s funny.” “How?” “Don’t think about it, life is a cosmic joke.”

“I’m known as the egg guy now.” 

“I sort of called my mom a bad parent and now I think she’s actually reevaluating how she’s treated me and it’s kind of wild.” 

“I don’t want to be a baby cop.”

“I’m having a weird day.” “You don’t have normal days.”

“I’m all for gut feelings, but this is a man we’re talking about, not your education or your job.”

“So good news, we got a new fridge. Bad news, it’s small.”

“Maintenance introduced me to the new guy which concerns me. Like hey, come meet the guy who hasn’t had a normal problem ever!”

“Oh shit.” “Did you just get a bloody nose?” “Yeah.”

“My mom loves you more.” “That’s because I’m delightful.”

“Did I ever tell you about the time I physically moved a guy because he didn’t want to listen to me?”

“What do you mean you've never done this before?” “Why would I lie?”

“Hey are you mad at me?” “No, should I be mad at you?” “I don’t think so, our boss just said you were.” “If I was, I forgot why, so you’re good.”

“The security guy keeps asking if I’m okay. I swear, you cry in front of a man one time.”

“You just have to tell people how it is sometimes. Wait, is that why people are scared of me?” “Oh I’m absolutely terrified of you.”

“I need to call them back. Oh nevermind, speak of the devil!” “Are you kidding? Was that a joke?”

“I’ll meet you there, I just need to go cry in my car for a minute first.” “Why are we crying?”

“Listen, I invited you because I knew you were going to be the conversational one.” “And then I had a mental breakdown 20 minutes before we showed up?” “Yeah, that was scary. Don't do that again please.”

“I think when people see you cry it’s like seeing an adult man cry. Like no one knows what to do and something is obviously very wrong because that never happens.”

“I would not trust a single one of you to drive my car. Except maybe you.” “I’m a great driver, that’s a solid call.”

“I’m going to bleed out through my nose.”

“Aww, that’s so gay.” “Honey, we are gay.”

“I think we keep saying things without saying them. And I think I’m going to actually say it.” “You’re going to get killed.” “That’s okay.”

“Is your kid going to be there?” “Maybe. Would you come if I said yes?” “Yes.”

“Hey the power’s out.” “What? Mom, I need to call you back.”

“I don’t think that’s your autism, I think that’s your OCD.” “My what? I’m not OCD.” “Oh honey, are you in a headspace to learn something about yourself?”

“I think today is just unlucky. You’re getting a trial by fire moment just like I did last year.” 

“Are we taking the ramp?” “I’m in a wheelchair, do you want me to take the stairs?”

“My sister texted me to see if you’re okay.” “Your sister has my number.”

“You good?” “I’m going to go home and take an ibuprofen.”

“I think you committed too hard to the bit.” “I definitely committed too hard to the bit.”

“Please tell me you also don’t like Taylor Swift.” “Are we about to become best friends?”

“Oh yeah, the one testicle, six toes, and he’s related to Hitler incident. I remember that.”

“Are you in a place emotionally where I can be sappy?” “No.” “When will you be?” “Never.”

“Wait, I have something for you.” “Is it a knife?”

“I’m going to cancel this trip if you don’t get it together, you’re all terrible people.”

“Why do none of the grown adult men in this room know how to tie a tie?”

“Can you come pick me up?” “It’s 1:30 in the morning, where are you?” “Downtown, I found a cat.”

“How did you fall asleep with the lights on?”

“I don’t know shit about fuck.”

“The era of country music a person listens to can tell you a lot.” “I listen to a lot of Johnny Cash and Willie Nelson.” “Stoner country, I respect it.”

“You know a lot of Taylor Swift lyrics for someone who hates Taylor Swift.” “Don’t talk to me.”

[witchofthesouls]

I have this image of Jack standing next to Arcee as June introduces her new boyfriend, the Titan (insert name here). Jack was already mortified when he learned his mom was a robo-fucker. This is a humongous mech who turns into a space ship and a city. A cybertronian sized city! The teen is floping down on the base couch having a full on nervous breakdown trying to push away all questions he realy doesn't want to think about, let alone get the answers too.

Meanwhile you have the Autobots marveling over June becomeing the first new cityspeaker since before the war. Also just the Quintessions being active is Alarming™️.

Who knows what our unhinged Titan friend is going to do when he learns human lives are so short especially if he's got a personality that's part Ratchet's and part Optimus.

Jack is having a breakdown for entirely different reasons because the Cybertronian gods did a coin toss to see if June will have Megatron and his child at Thanksgiving/Christmas holidays or if she will plan Megatron's demise. They'll either get along like dynamite in a mine, someone will end up dead, or both.

He has no idea how it will turn out, but when his mom has a Project. It's hers.

And I meant it's June that has a personality between Ratchet and Orion Pax. Like every good hospital worker with shitty administration, she's very much a person who has Malicious Compliance embedded in her bones with the addition of spite, energy drinks, and hidden contraband somewhere you wouldn't expect under a serene smile and a spine of steel.

If you are her people, then she'll mother-hen the shit out of you. She's intense and she knows that. June has gotten better over the years in that aspect, but should a friend or family need help, she's there.

20/10 will drive you to your surgery at 4 am as a designated driver, terrify your shitty apartment managers into compliance, or help plan a massive heist to take back all the money your cheating lover has stolen over the years for their side piece(s). She's built on solid alibis and documentation, documentation, and oh documentation.

She made a nest of giant pillows in the garage for Arcee, and even partitioned it out to give the femme the privacy to be rest in her root-mode when June needs to use the clicker. And Jack uncovered the plans to target Airachnid, and he has no idea how to feel about it because he can tell that his mom is heavily utilizing the medical commentary from Ratchet, the details of the 'bots' exploits that Miko manages to wheedle out, and his own experiences with 'bot-eating parasites...

The unhinged Titan has found a match, but it's not romantic. Oh no, June Darby now has a life-long project to spruce it up. And said Titan is not only over the moon that its new favorite person with similar levels of devotion, but has a lineage with a son that looks so much like her. It was once a major research facility that dealt with xenobiology. It's not above looking into ways to expand their lifespans. Anything for their favorite. Anything. Even if it must lure the resident scientists to its bosom and trap them to make use of its repository of accumulated data.

[galactickle]

Last Resort

Teddy Lobo x reader

summary: You're from a rival crime family, Bella Lobo isn't a fan, what happens when you change her mind?

Masterlist

“Uhhh… Dad?” you ask, eyeing the gold pillars and lions.

“Yes dear?” he responds, not even bothering turning to look at you.

“What are we doing at the Lobo’s?”

“There’s just a small matter of business we need to deal with here,” the way he was withholding information from you made you uneasy, your father was always honest with you, ever since you committed your first act of defiance.

The car rolls to a stop, and the door is opened for you by one of the Lobo's henchmen, you eye him wearily as you exit the car, following your father into the ostentatiously decorated building.

“Anthony, dear!” Your father is greeted by Bella Lobo with a hug. “And Y/N, how lovely to see you again!” She approaches you and you shoot her an intense look that says you don’t forget the last time you saw her. “Sit, please,” she gestures to the table behind her, and you slowly move towards it, taking a chair near your father.

You sit in the Lobo’s club, observing the way it was decorated like a shitty themed Vegas casino, reminiscing about the last time you saw the woman who was now sitting opposite you and your father.

It was a sunny summer day, you sat in your golf cart staring at your phone while you waited for your golfing tutor to arrive for your lesson. The golf course was empty besides you, but that wasn't uncommon, it was quite elite.

The sound of another golf cart slowly wheezing towards you drew your attention. While you had never met the tutor you were supposed to meet with before, you instantly knew the man who arrived wasn't him. This man was clearly trying to hide tattoos with a long sleeve polo shirt and full length khakis, you could see the edge of one peeking out of his collar.

“Y/N! I’m Jason, are you ready for your lesson?” he approached trying to seem normal but you still knew something was off.

You smile, hopping off your golf cart, “Of course, it's nice to meet you Jason!”

“You as well,” he grabbed your golf bag for you and led the way to where you would tee off. Setting down the bag, he pulled a club from it, handing it to you, “This is a driver, it allows the ball to travel the farthest.”

You accept the club, and he proceeds to set the tee down in front of you, placing a ball on it gingerly. You take your stance in front of the tee, and he adjusts you into a better one. You take a few practice swings, and he notes a few things you could change. Though the whole time you could see him fiddling with something in his pocket out of the corner of your eye.

When you’re finally ready to hit the ball, you set up your stance, taking into account the notes given, and you swing the club back, Jason stands behind you, out of sight. As you take a deep breath, and exhale, about to swing, you hear the undeniable -shink- of a switchblade. You swing your club swiftly and with grace, missing the ball, and doing a 180 to club Jason in the head. As he collapses to the ground the blade rolls out of his hand.

You sigh, looking out from your spot on the hill, and in the distance on a hill adjacent to you, you see a woman with dark brown hair and clean style drive away in a golf cart with another man.

The stomps of someone running down the grand staircase excitedly snaps you out of your memory. Teddy Lobo appears, looking down at his phone.

“Mom, I'm heading out for a b-” he stops short at the sight of you.

“Teddy dear, lovely for you to join us, have a seat,” Bella interjects when he doesn't finish his statement.

He sighs, pushing a hand through his gelled hair, and takes the seat opposite to you, “What's uh, what's going on?” he addresses his mother, though barely taking his eyes off you.

“Well dear, me and Mr. L/N, have some business we need you and Y/N here to take care of,” the two of you eye everyone suspiciously.

“A few years ago, I’m sure you remember, our two families were on different sides,” your father starts, “but after your mother tried to kill my dearest Y/N, we struck a deal,” Teddy gapes at his mom, and she brushes him off, “A deal for peace,” your father continues. You were still waiting for the ball to drop, “That our two families would work together so long as I provided your mom with a suitable candidate to take over her dynasty.”

The looks of confusion you and Teddy wore must not have shocked them. “Teddy, you are to marry Y/N, she will help you lead our family to be one of the greats!” Mrs. Lobo finishes. You head shoots to your father who solemnly nods, not looking you in the eye.

“Can we talk for a minute?” you ask your father.

He nods again, guiding you out of earshot.

“You sold me to the Lobos? For what? Money? Power? I-” you go off on him.

“-Your life,” your father butts in, “Bella was going to have you killed, I would rather you be alive and a Lobo than dead.” You stare at him sternly, “You're the only thing I have left Y/N, after your mother passed there's no one else I care for other than you..”

You soften, reaching out to your father to pull him into a hug. “I'll never forgive you for this.”

“I know.”

While the two of you talked, Teddy was questioning his own parent. “Mom, what do you mean I’m ‘to marry Y/N’?” Teddy looks to his mom with puppy dog eyes, they worked on occasion but not often enough.

“Dear, I love you, you know that, but look at you,” Bella frowns, “and look at her,” she points to where you stand, scolding your father. “I need someone strong, who will do what needs to be done to continue my legacy, and you don't have the heart for it…” She places a hand on his shoulder, “but she does.”

“But she's the enemy!” he whines.

“She used to be, but now me and her father have grown to get along and so will you. Otherwise you will be shunned from this family.” Teddy frowns aggressively but nods nonetheless.

[slickshoesareyoucrazy]

Stupid Hope

Hey, A. This is what I do at your grave now. I write a Tumblr essay to you because I'm still not going to talk out loud to you in the ground. I guess at least I'm not that crazy. (Yet.)

Your cup of rocks is still on your headstone. I guess I'm happy they're all still there. I added the ones I found for you in Ireland and Paris. J wanted me to bring British pound coins and leave them here. "But I guess you'd have to press those into the ground, which I'd guess you don't wanna do. I don't think people will leave money alone, even if it's not our money and the exchange rate and fees are shitty." 😂

Anyway, life continues to be a scavenger hunt full of your invisible, untouchable presence. Like Randy Newman's I Think It's Gonna Rain Today on my drive to work? Again...neither subtle nor funny. J told me to come today because it would be marginally less hot than yesterday, but I was afraid of rain. It wasn't raining when I left for the library this morning, but it rained the whole drive here to the cemetery. And miraculously (?) it quit when I got out of the car. With your rocks. After fucking Welcome to the Black Parade played as I turned into the cemetery. The Boy has noticed that. I have a Spotify playlist that's a catch all. I keep it on random. It has like 5000 songs in it...hours of music...every genre. There are exactly 3 My Chemical Romance songs on it. One of them plays whenever we're talking about you. Once all three of them played in the same 40 minute car ride. "That's fucking weird, Mom."

Anyway I guess I appreciate the rain. I'm here by myself again because who comes to the cemetery in the rain? Apparently me.

So I gave this piece a title. Stupid Hope. Because man, it's been a while since I've been here because of traveling and a new driver's license and other family stuff. I was really hoping to see that someone else had been here. I perked up a little because the stranger next to you has flowers and I thought they were yours for a second. But of course not. No one else has been here. And that honestly makes grieving harder, man. If someone else was here, it would feel real. And I'm still having a rough time with that. The old social anxiety and insecure attachment I've dragged around my whole life but was never there with you is there with you now. No one else is coming here so Stupid Jen Anxiety Brain says you aren't really dead. This is just an elaborate and complicated ruse to get rid of me. I'm the only one coming because you're not really here. You're still alive and happy somewhere just without me bothering you. Which in itself is Stupid Hope. Denial. That's just a fancier word for Stupid Hope.

I'm still amazed that every book I'm reading is grief related. It's you related. It's us related. I'm trying to accept you're here and that you wouldn't ditch me in such a dastardly complex way. You died. What the fuck, man? Obviously I'm not angry with you for dying but you did keep my Stupid Hope alive because you so consistently killed the Insecure Attachment monster. Shit, man, you were better at it than J, and that's really saying something. I try reaching out to other people. Kind people. People I love. L and D and online friends. People who do come back and show up if I extend myself enough but like...shit dude, you spoiled me. I never was afraid to be too much for you. You didn't ever let me feel that. You reached back. Other people just don't. Except J, but he lives in my actual house with me, so asterisk. I miss you so badly still every day. I'm so fucking lonely. And scared. I had a nightmare about J last night. That one I always have had, but it's the first time I've had it since you died. J said maybe in a way that's good, like I'm getting back to normal...'my old self' (he's got a lot of Stupid Hope too, I guess). But it's just abject terror of just how truly alone I'd be if I lost J now. It's even scarier now than it used to be because now I don't have, "Call A," as a coping option. And now I'm hot because it's not raining and there's just barely enough of a breeze to make the wind chimes go in this tree to my right (your left I guess). At least there's finally some grass here now. I'll come back in a few weeks. Or when you start making all the songs on the random car radio play titles with 'Rock' in them again. (Real rocks not rock n roll...I Am a Rock...We Want a Rock...Loves Me Like a Rock...) Or all the book titles that pop up in the holds lists or book bins to check in at work are about graves and cemeteries in fucking July (not October or Memorial Day).

I'll always come back with my Stupid Hope as long as you keep it alive like that still. You're still my best friend. I love you. But I'm going home for real now because yuck. 🥵🥵🥵

[elisysd]

We want you to be their godparents

Masterlist

A year and a half after Paris

Ever since, Romy and Kyle had told them they were expecting twins, Romy was following Julia around like a bear would follow honey bees to their nests. She had almost begged her best friend as she couldn’t bear the thought of supporting Kyle who had transformed himself into her personal assistant. They were currently sitting on the terrace of the main hospitality in Monza, enjoying glasses of ice tea.

“I love him, Julia. I really do. But, my god, he doesn’t let me breathe. I’m pregnant, not disabled. He drives me crazy.”

“He called Ethan at three in the morning yesterday because he wanted to show him a crib and he asked if Ethan would help him. Three in the morning, Romy. Believe me, I’m glad to help you escape.” said Julia, sipping on her tea.

“A part of him is scared that it would end up like Spa… he goes out of his way to make sure I’m always comfortable, that I sleep well, that I eat enough… it’s cute but it’s also overwhelming.”

“How do you feel about not being able to race?”

“I miss it and you can be sure that as soon as these babies are out there I’ll do my best to be up and ready for next season. Only four months to go.”

“Do you know the genders?” Julia asked, curious.

“We do. And I won’t tell you now.” Romy replied with a wink. “By the way, I wanted to ask you something. Or more like I’m informing you on something and I don’t give you the choice but Kyle and I want to have dinner with you and Ethan. Couple date. We thought about tonight, actually. I know it’s late notice but it’s not like you had somewhere important to be. Right?”

“If Ethan doesn’t have a shitty race, it will be with pleasure.”

Romy sent her a bright smile as they kept on talking, the blonde also showing her baby clothes she liked and Julia couldn’t help but think that her kids would probably be the most stylish babies of the grid. The race was about to start soon and Julia apologized as she needed to see Ethan to wish him good luck.

“Yeah… I guess it’s time for me to also go back to my soon to be husband. He was supposed to check for the venue.” she smiled fondly, agitating her hands in front of Julia’s face to show her the big diamond around her ring finger.

Julia laughed and shook her head. They had gone through a lot these past two years and she was glad to see them happier than ever. They were getting married soon, were about to be parents, and it would be wrong of Julia to say that seeing her best friends as happy hadn’t given her some thoughts. It was not a topic they really had talked about with Ethan. But she knew they did not have the space in their life to welcome a new addition. She wasn’t ready and wasn’t sure either that she wanted to be a mom one day. For now, working around kids throughout the year was enough for her. And she liked her routine with Ethan. It was comfortable.

She showed her pass to the security and made her way to Ethan’s driver room to find him eyes closed, headphones on and laying down on the couch, his racing suit tied up around his waist. As if he had felt her presence, he extended his arm as an invite to have her closer.

“How is the devil?” he asked.

“She is good. We are invited to join them for dinner tonight. How is the devil’s agent?”

“I want to send him back to hell. He sent me fifty pictures of cribs, Joolsie. Fifty. And when I had the audacity to say they were all the same I received an audio message of thirty minutes explaining to me the differences because apparently I don’t know how to look properly at things and I don’t know how to read a description. I told him I wasn’t the blind one in our friend group and telling me that I didn’t know where to look was a little ironic. I think he blocked me.” he sighed as Julia couldn’t help but laugh.

“They are insufferable but they are cute.”

“I know, I just want my best friend back and not whatever Romy turned him into. Do we really have to go to this dinner? I was planning a very relaxing night for us.” he complained.

“I’m afraid that if we don’t go, they will come to get us.”

“I don’t want to.” Ethan whined.

He finally opened his eyes and checked the time. It was time for him to go.

“How do you feel about today?”Julia asked, helping him with his suit.

“I have a good feeling. The car is nice, I’m starting on pole, what could go wrong?” he shrugged.

“Martin is right behind you.”

“It’s another reason to prove to him that I’m better.”

“I like it when you’re talking like that. All proud of yourself, not an ounce of doubt. That’s a nice change compared to last year.”

“Yeah, but this year Ludwig is leading the championship, I’m third behind Niels and in front of Martin. Many reasons to be happy. And that’s only the professional side.” he explained.

“And your personal ones?”

“I have an amazing girlfriend that I love dearly. I'm attending a wedding in Switzerland in a few months where I know we will have a blast. I have great friends, I have a family that I can’t wait to visit and a family- in -law that I love too. I love my life.” he smiled. “But as much as I love you and everything, I have to go. I have a race to win.”

And he ended up winning it. Seeing him on the highest step of the podium made Julia all proud and happy.

“And now I have even less will to meet Romy and Kyle.” he complained as they were heading out of the paddock, hand in hand.

“Me too. I love them but I was planning on spending my night congratulating you for your win.”

“Okay, we cancel. I don’t care about what they might say, we’re staying in.”

As if the couple of future parents had heard them, they arrived from the other side of the paddock, waving at them.

“Hey guys, we were thinking of going to the restaurant, right now? Do you need to go to the hotel first?” asked Kyle.

“Technically, we don’t but…”

“Perfect! Let’s go then. Are you following us?”

Julia sent an apologetic look to her boyfriend who tried his best to not show his annoyance, before nodding. They ended up in a nice rooftop restaurant in the middle of Milan. Champagne had been ordered, except for Romy, of course and playful conversations were happening around the table. They had not been as insufferable as they had thought. When coffee and tea were brought to the table, and when conversations died down, Romy gave a look to Kyle who started to get serious.

“Actually, there is a reason we wanted to have this couple date… We had something to ask you.” the american started.

“We’re listening.” replied Ethan, lacing his fingers to his girlfriend’s.

“So… you both are the persons we’re the closest to. You are like family to us, I could die tomorrow and I would know that you would be there to Romy. And vice versa. And when we thought about it, Romy and I quickly agreed on how right and how obvious it was to ask you to be our kids' godparents.”

The couple was speechless, clearly not expecting it. But one look at each other was enough to know what they were thinking about.

“You can take your time to think it through… And it’s okay if you refuse, we would understand…” Romy started.

“We don’t need time to think. We would be honored, guys.” Julia cut her best friend.

“You said it Kyle, you are family. And I would be more than happy to be part of such an important chapter of your life. But just so you know, Julia and I will be spoiling these kids so much you’re going to regret asking us to be their godparents.”

“As long as you don’t buy them a drum…” Romy sighed.

“Don’t threaten me with a good time.” Ethan smiled as Julia was standing up to take her best friend in her arms.

Once in the comfort of their room, Julia laid down on the bed, followed by Ethan. She had a soft smile playing on her lips.

“I’ve never thought they would ask us to be godparents.” she confessed.

“We are their best choice. Who do you think is more fit for the role than us? Ludwig?” he chuckled.

“Be serious, please. It’s just… We are growing up. My best friend is getting married and is about to have twins. I’ve known her since I was a baby. Time flies, people grow up, mistakes are made and dreams are coming true. It’s weird. Do you think about the future?” she asked turning her head to her boyfriend who had now a serious look on his face.

“Future scares me. I’m trying to live in the moment, to not care too much but, sometimes I daydream about it. Sometimes I look at you when you’re working and you don’t notice it. I try to imagine what the same scene would look like five years later. Will we still be in the same apartment, will we be married? Will we have kids? Or dogs? Or cats? Will I be a world champion? Will I still be in Lamborghini. And then I’m stressed out because there are so many unknowns. I know I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I just don’t know what it has in store for us.”

“We will find out, but I’m not that scared, you know. I thought I would be but, truth is, I’m not. And you know why?” she told him softly, making him look at her as she brushed his cheek with her fingertips. “Because I have faith in us and what we mean to each other. I don’t care if we have kids or not, if we live in a big house or a tiny flat. As long as I have you, I know it will be okay.”she added.

“Thank you. For always finding the right words with me.”

“I mean them. And if I have to repeat them every day, I will. But right now, I think I promised you earlier that I would congratulate you properly for your win.” she smirked, softly kissing his lips as she started to go down on him.

Author's note: Oh what a day when you're an F1 fan. I could rant about what happened today for hours on end, but I'll spare you. Instead, here's a cute bonus chapter.

Don't hesitate to leave a comment or an ask, as well as reblogging and leaving a like. Besides the fact that I absolutely love to read you, it helps a lot for the story to find its audience. I also have a taglist for this story, so if you want to be added so you never miss a chapter, let me know.

Taglist:

@herondalism @aundercover @musingsbyshreya @karmabyfernando @reengard @mycenterfold @smoooothoperator

[turtlemagnum]

last night i cooked these shitty steaks my mom's boyfriend bought expecting her to cook them. i think i made the taste itself about as good as it could've been, but by god was the cut of meat horrific. it was so thin and tough, i finally understand why some people don't like their steaks well done because now i've had bad well done steak. both my mom and her boyfriend complained about me over-seasoning the steak. my mom made the vegetables and funnily enough, i felt like they were under-seasoned. still, we were hungry afterwards, which then led us to discovering that my mom's wallet was missing. her boyfriend was, of course, nothing but a nuisance. constantly getting in the way, asking asinine questions, so on. we realized that it could've been at the restaurant we went to the night prior, and as i looked up their number it turned out we were just 10 minutes from them closing, but they did in fact have it. so that definitely alleviated a lot of stress.

this forced her shitty boyfriend to have to pay for the 10 dollars wendy's was gonna cost us. boo fuckin hoo. i noticed on my way down the stairs with him, i was shakier and slower than usual. i guess the stress of her losing her wallet got to me more than i realized. then, of course, there was the stress of being in the car with the cuntweasel himself. the other night they got into an argument about how he uses GPS for things he should know by now (because GPS is annoying and inefficient), and he claimed that he knew "the areas he cares about" like the back of his hand. this is supposed to be one of the areas he cares about. you know what he did on the way to wendy's? turned on GPS. you wanna know how to get to the wendy's from our apartments? take a right out of the fucking parking lot and go straight for a few minutes. he should fucking know that. i fucking knew that, and i don't live here full time. combine that with him just being a bad driver and whiny little bitch, that made that car ride far more difficult than it should've been.

i, of course, stayed quiet. i find the man deeply insufferable, but i really don't wanna start shit because inevitably that would lead to even more whining. so when we got there, imagine how hard it was for me to keep quiet when we got to the wendy's and the line was long enough that he bitched for a solid 5 or so minutes nonstop during the wait. and like, 5 minutes doesn't sound like a lot, but god did it feel like forever; especially because i had to refrain from telling him to stop being a little bitch. after the wait (and me laughing at how clearly stoned the lady taking our order was), we head home, but not before he needed to get fucking cigarettes.

on the way to the gas station (which is, thankfully, right across the street from our apartments), he didn't buckle his fucking seatbelt. and my mom's car is the kinda car that makes insufferable dinging noises when someone isn't fucking buckled in. so, something about my family. we're natural born tumblr users. casual and often creative threats of violence are common, obvious jokes to us if not everyone else. so saying something like "glen, i swear to god if you don't buckle your fucking seatbelt i'm gonna stab you when we get back upstairs" would be completely normal to us. it would be taken poorly if it were directed at someone who isn't as accustomed to that, for instance my mom's shitty boyfriend. so i had to refrain myself from saying the above quote. lots of trying my fucking patience, that man does.

so anyways, we're finally back upstairs, we eat, i find out this fucker's been drinking my mountain dew. today i told that to my mom, she told me where to hide them, so that's fun. anyways, time passes, i inevitably get barely any sleep because they're both night owls and they usually have the TVs on, and then i hear an argument from their bedroom as i'm in mine. i try to ignore it, until i hear my mom yell "get your hands off of me" which sends me into fucking fight mode. i rush over, he seemed to have listened, but god dammit if i'm not gonna let my mom get assaulted if i can help it. she goes out into the living room, i follow, turns out he only grabbed her by the wrist but still. i swear to god if i find out that man has done anything more violent than that i'm gonna cut his dick off and feed it to the seagulls. but i digress.

so, this morning, we drop him off at work because his car died (that's a whole other fucking story), and now we go off to have some time together. i like spending time with my mom usually, especially without him. he's a fucking drain that immediately makes me tense up whenever i'm near him, not even mentioning how much he fucking smells. seriously, he apparently once told my mom "you're the cleanest person i know, you shower every day" as if that isn't what you're fucking supposed to do? god damn dude

anyways, we go back to the japanese restaurant to get her wallet. thankfully, it still has her credit card in it still intact, nobody seems to have intentionally stole it, so that was a huge load off our shoulders. we talked a lot, partially about how much he sucks (i know she "loves him" and that's why he's still around but god if she doesn't also seem to hate existing around him), and before we know it we're home. it's nice being here with just her. feels like that's how it's supposed to be, to be blunt. that man is like if you put a 5 year old in a 50 year old's body, i swear to fucking god. anyways i just swam for a while. was nice. one of the nicest things about these apartments is the pool, which rarely has other people in it so it's nice and quiet. had good timing too, just as i was getting ready to leave these kids came in and kids are loud so i'm glad to have been gone quick

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #222

Do you ever have days where you just don’t do anything? I mean... compared to the lives of ordinary adults my age, that would be most days for me. I have nothing but free time and I'm not exactly skilled at putting it to good use.

Have you ever experienced something paranormal? I firmly believe I have, at the bare minimum of twice. I think an old home of mine was haunted or some shit, weird things happened there.

What’s the longest amount of time you’ve been stuck in traffic? Hell if I know. I'm sure it was while traveling, though.

What museums have you visited, if any? I literally think I've only visited one, the local one in my city... which is abysmally depressing to say. I love the idea of museums, and the one we have here is immensely sub-par. I would love to visit a good one, especially one with fossil displays.

Have you ever dealt with noisy neighbors or roommates? How did that go? No, thankfully. I mean, our current neighbor's dog doesn't shut up half the time, but unless I'm not listening to something in the spare room (the room closest to where she is in the neighbor's [fenced] yard), I don't hear her in here.

Have you ever taken a woodshop class? No.

What area of math are you best at? Worst? I suck at all math. According to the autism eval I took, I apparently need an IEP in mathematics. During my last college attempt, I literally failed ALGEBRA ONE miserably, but I will say I really didn't like how my teacher taught, he was all about weird shortcuts. Even when I tried tutoring though, I was humiliated that just nothing made sense. It's a bit strange, though; up through high school, I could handle math, but it was always my weakest subject. I wasn't an A student in it. I just go so much worse when I left high school. I don't know if it could be the results of overmedication (which I hold responsible for my memory issues), trauma (trauma can have effects you wouldn't guess, and I firmly believe it altered how I process information), or what.

How do you feel when you meet someone with the same music taste as you? I get excited. I love music, so it's something to bond over.

Do you believe in luck? Why or why not? "In a sense. Sometimes you're just in the right place at the right time, or "the stars align." But as a force, not really." <<< Literally this.

Do you ever feel self-conscious when you eat around other people? Only if the food is messy, and I don't generally like eating messy food anyway because *I* don't like getting messy.

Have you ever considered going to art school? I went to the Art Institute of Pittsburgh Online and got scammedddddd <33333

Is there anyone in your life who consistently angers you? My sister's shitty husband.

Have you ever had problems falling asleep in class? No.

Are your parents supportive of you? Yes. Mom WAY more actively than Dad, but.

How often do you take the train to go places? Never.

Have you ever participated in a mock trial, or a real trial? No.

Do you have the right time set on your microwave? Yes.

Do you have any old newspaper articles? Why? No.

Do you have a flat screen tv or just a regular box? We have a decently large flat-screen. It's not something we could ever afford now; it's as old as when my parents were still together.

Do you have a radar detector for your car? No.

Have you ever been arrested? For what? No.

Do you know how to change the oil in your car? Nope.

Do you like Tootsie Rolls? I don't.

Are you seeing anybody currently? I've been dating the same someone for almost three years now.

Do you like it when it snows? I fucking love when it snows. It doesn't happen often here. It sticks even less often.

Where do you do most of your shopping? Walmart.

Do you have a big yard? Big no, the front and back are very small.

Do you live in the country or the city? A development just outside a city. Still basically city.

At what age did you obtain your driver license? I'm 28 and still don't have it; I probably never will. It is better for me and everyone else on the road. I WISH I could drive, but it's just not a safe option right now.

What are you favorite kind of chips? Hot crunchy Cheetos

Where did you go today? My primary doctor for a check-up. Our car is still toast so we were lucky enough that they offered transportation.

Are you sleepy right now? Extremely. I stayed up way too late last night to have to wake up early like I had to.

What color is your mousepad? Black.

Do you get your eyebrows waxed? No. I don't care enough.

Has anyone given you flowers recently? Not recently.

Has anyone you know been arrested recently? No.

Do you have more than 1 email address? Yes.

Do you have central heating and air? Yes. Especially this time of year, I'd fucking die without it.

Are there any plants in your house? There's a decent amount because of Mom. I think it's mostly pothos.

Do you prefer cold or warm weather? COLD

Do you prefer bar or liquid soap? Liquid, I hate bar soap.

Do you wear any perfumes/colognes on a regular basis? No.

Do you have high or low self-esteem levels? Abysmally low.

When was the last time you listened to a song on repeat? What was the song? Um... I feel like it was a good few days ago. "Zwitter" by Rammstein.

Do you like mint or orange-flavored chocolate? Mint, yes. I don't feel like I've tried orange-flavored chocolate. I can imagine myself not liking the combo, but I can't guarantee that.

When was the last time you burnt your mouth from eating something too hot? Around a week ago when Mom made chicken fried rice.

What is your favorite foreign language to listen to? (In music or speech) I like how German sounds, but I also think I have a bias because when I hear it, I like to see how much I can translate.

Do you prefer instrumental songs or ones with lyrics? Lyrics.

Name something simple that makes you happy. A cold drink when I'm really thirsty. Sunrises and sunsets. The sound of rain. I'm very pleased that I'm pretty good at identifying small happinesses.

What is your favorite instrument to listen to? Electric guitar, violin, harp, piano, lots others.

Pick one: Books, movies or music? Music.

What was the last book you read about? It was a book in the Warriors series, in the "A Vision of Shadows" arc. The books are pretty thick with various events, but the primary plot was the Clans coming together to oust an invasion of murderous rogues that nearly destroyed their way of life.

When was the last time you used a quote from a movie in real life? I don't really do this unless I'm joking and making an obvious reference. I don't remember what it was anyway, though.

Can you put your legs behind your head? Hell no.

Do you forget things easily? You would not BELIEVE how horrendous my memory is. Like it is unfuckingreal. I feel like being overmedicated for so, so long is the reason, it just ate away at my brain.

The last song you listened to: Did it have a male or female vocalist? Male.

Have you ever had braces? Do you need them? I did as a pre-teen/teenager.

What does your voice sound like? (Loud, quiet, high-pitched, etc) I think it's somewhat deep for a woman, but not to where it sounds traditionally masculine. I tend to stutter and I can either talk too quietly or, if I'm excited or in some way passionate or just confident in an explanation, I've had it pointed out I speak too loudly.

What was the last topic you read about on Wikipedia? So I opened the page to Kamala Harris's political policies, but I promptly left it and read on a platform that isn't edited by random-ass people and wouldn't be rife with biases. I feel like in light of... recent events, I need to be more aware than ever of the policies of people who have a chance of having a say in my country's politics. I don't like Biden (But DO NOT BE MISTAKEN, I hate Trump a HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELL of a lot more), but I have this hope that maybe Kamala will replace him. How, figure it out yourself.

Have you ever donated money to Wikipedia? No, that would be so low on my priorities of things to donate to if I even had money.

What board games did you play when you were growing up? A lot of Cranium brand games, Candyland, Life (modified rules to be easier for kids), Monopoly (modified rules for same reason), Mouse Trap (ngl we mostly played with the parts than the actual game haha), Operation, Checkers, I had a Crocodile Hunter game I loved, Battleship, lots of others. We had a big stock of board games to choose from.

Do you know any sign language? No.

When was the last time you bought new clothes? What did you get? Holy hell I have no idea.

Do you ever watch streamers on Twitch? Hazelnuttygames, sometimes. She's a WoW streamer.

Has your house ever been broken into? How did you find out? There was an attempt at my childhood home, but they didn't get in.

What do you usually eat for breakfast? Generally cereal.

Are you overwhelmed right now? Ha! Not as bad as I was yesterday. I reached a capacity of stress yesterday that for the vast majority of the day, I completely shut down. I don't remember the last time I was that stressed because of just everything going on in my life and in my country.

Did you share a bedroom with someone when you were growing up? My younger sister Nicole, yes.

How many group chats are you in? Do you participate in them much? I'm in one with Mazzy and Tez, and that's the only group chat I truly contribute to. I'm in the Tumblr community's Rammstein Discord, and I talk only rarely because it's just so busy and overwhelming that I get stressed trying to keep up lol.

Are you still in touch with any of your exes? No.

What do you do for work? I am humiliated to be my age (and not considered properly disabled) and not work. I'm trying my best to build a freelance nature photography career, but... that's a monumental task, if I'm honest. But I'm still trying. Freelance art is FUCKING HARD to make a living with.

Were you upset when you found out certain things weren’t real? (Santa, Tooth Fairy…) No. I was old enough by then to have doubted, so I wasn't surprised.

Name something you’re proud of. Brag a little bit. One of my proudest achievements is getting a Daily Deviation on deviantART. It's the biggest honor you can get on the site and is (generally, especially without connections) very hard to obtain.

Which store would you like to win $1000 for? Rebel's Market.

Do you pay any attention to celebrity drama? No. The only celeb drama I've ever paid attention to was when Till from Rammstein was forced into it by a sexual misconduct accusation. He's fucking innocent btw, this is well-supported, but Germany tends to hate Rammstein for unsound reasons and will NEVER cover the positives of the band. Any time his accuser was revealed to be full of absolute bullshit, their popular media never covered it. I don't want ANY assumptions made about me and my stance on sexual assault involving celebrities, you take EVERY accusation seriously and I kept my mouth shut while the investigation went down, I wanted the facts, and the facts are fucking nothing was found that damned Till. I don't defend him because he's in a band that I love, I defend him because of the absolute fucking lack of evidence and the documented bullshittery of Shelby (accuser). If there was actual evidence that Till was a sexual predator, I would drop my support of him so fuckin' fast, I can stake my life on that. I don't fuck with sexual predators, whether I'd originally liked them or not. I don't play that "but that's my homie!!!" game. WOW this was a ramble but I feel very strongly on this, it was such an ordeal.

What popular food do you dislike? Fried chicken wings. A LOT of things if I think about it for a moment.

Do you have any cats? Yes, Roman.

How many slices of pizza can you eat in 1 sitting? Rarely two; I usually have three. If I'm incredibly hungry, four. Of course, this does depend on the size of the slices.

[sally-mun]

STORY TIME, GUYS

So over the holiday weekend (I think on Sunday) my mom and I were out doing a bunch of window shopping, largely just to celebrate that we’re fit to be around other humans again post-covid, and then we were going to grab some groceries and go home for the day. When we get to the grocery store, we see a car backing out of a space RIGHT up front, next to a cart corral. Whoo, score! I personally don’t really care where I park, but it’s better for my mom to be closer, so we go to take this car’s spot. As we’re approaching, though, we see that car then pull into another spot further back... Weird.

Well, it turns out that the car had backed out of the space we were going to take because the OTHER car in that space was literally stradling the line that separates cars forward/backward :| Like it wasn’t one of those times where a car pulled through just too short and their trunk was on our side, their BACK WHEELS were on our side. We realized this is exactly what the first car had gone through, so we too had to back out and look somewhere else.

Incidentally, we went around to the other side of the aisle and got a free spot directly on this shitty driver’s other side. I mentioned that I wished I could leave a note on the car’s windshield just saying the word “RUDE,” because this is so grossly inconsiderate, and my mom pointed out that there was in fact a pad of paper with a pencil in the backseat. So I did exactly what I said I would: I wrote “RUDE” in big letters and nothing else, and left it under the driver’s side wiper of that car. Because seriously, FUCKING RUDE, DUDE.

Anyway, as we��re gathering our shopping bags from the trunk, my mom and I note that our car is parked pretty crooked, so my mom decides to adjust it. She backs up and fixes it once, but I told her she was still a little off, so she does it a second time. As she’s exiting the car from this second adjustment, I realize that the rude driver is approaching his car. To exactly zero surprise, he’s exactly the entitled middle-aged white guy you’re thinking of right now, and he’s speaking very curtly into a cell phone as he approaches. At this point I’m DYING to see him react to getting called out (and anonymously, since he’d have no reason to think it’s from us), so I set the shopping bags on the tail of my mom’s car to straighten them up before we head into the store.

I see him get into his car straight away, apparently not noticing there’s a note on his window. For a second I think, oh my god, is he going to take off with it there and suddenly read it WHILE driving?? That would be funny, but sadly I wouldn’t get to see that. HOWEVER, a second later I see his door open up again and he very loudly says “WHAT THE FUCK?!” By now my mom and I don’t have any other excuse to linger and are walking past him to head into the store, and just as he’s leaving my periphery I see him snatch the note off the windshield, and then in a surprisingly whiny voice yelling “OH GOD BLESS IT!!” (because I guess he didn’t want to say something offensive after having already yelled the word “fuck”).

So my mom and I go in the store and we’re giggling about how satisfying it was, and we note how this guy had absolutely NO self-reflection in the matter. Like, it’d have been one thing if he’d noticed while approaching his car that his parking was way off, and been like, “Oh crap, I really beefed that,” and then when seeing the note took it in stride because, YEAH, that was pretty rude. Buuut no, this guy was just so pissed to have even BEEN called out. HOW DARE someone say, quietly and privately, that he’d done a rude thing!! We mused over how he was probably going to spin it when he told people about it later. Something something liberals, I’m guessing.

Anyway, we figured that was the end of the saga and just went about getting our groceries. We had a laugh over misreading a box, I saw a lady wearing an awesome dress and she let me take a picture of it, aaand every now and again I started laughing again over the rude driver. Just figured it’d be a nice little story for Tumblr, as I’m telling now.

WELL LITTLE DID WE KNOW, THE SAGA WAS NOT OVER. As we’re leaving with our cart, maybe 45 mins later or so, we see that our guy is STILL THERE -- and there’s a tow truck here now! Apparently after we’d gone inside he discovered in some way that his car wasn’t going to get him home. I don’t like promoting karma (I think it has an enormous moral blind spot), so shall we just say, this guy instantly got his comeuppance~ The guy was cranky and pouty and borderline tantrum-y with the tow driver, and I didn’t feel bad for him ONE BIT.

The thing is, I missed an opportunity to put a BEAUTIFUL bookend on the conclusion of this. After loading our groceries into the trunk, I went to put the cart in the cart corral, which as noted is on the other side of this dude’s car. Naturally, he’s standing DIRECTLY in front of where the large carts are meant to go, so I approach him and say “excuse me,” as I would with anyone. The guy completely ignores that I’m even there, and is still just scowling at the tow driver with his arms folded. (Note that the tow driver is BEHIND me in this situation, so he’s definitely facing me and knows I’m standing 2 feet away.) I say again, louder, “EXCUSE ME,” and he finally glances briefly at me and takes one (1) step forward, aka only half unblocking the corral. At this point I’ve had enough of this guy and just push my cart forward anyway, colliding with his ass and leaving him feeling even more like he’s the victim of the day.

But what I should’ve done was just locked eyes with him and said, “RUDE.” And then driven into the sunset while the guy’s head slowly caved in.

[watermeloncholycucumbersome]

Day 53 of Writing Something Everyday

(365 Day Challenge)

You were the only one who truly cared

about my writing,

Now without you it just seems like I'm forcing it.

Is this a waste of time, should I stop?

I miss you so much, how you encouraged me.

Our stupid goofy talks and made up songs we'd sing.

It's so quiet in this house without you,

And the child playing in the apartment upstairs seems louder than ever.

I'm trying to do things that we didn't do together so I have something different,

But the shitty part is that everything I do no matter what it is reminds me of you.

I think of what you'd say when I watch something or read something.

I think of what you'd say while I'm painting,

"Can I see when you're done?"

Waking up is the worst and going to sleep is harder.

The ghost of you lingers here and it's hard to ignore even though I know it isn't you.

I wish I could give you a hug,

I'd give anything to make you a tea again.

I don't use the kettle much now, it's just a decoration in the kitchen.

Reading the Bible is hard,

I read all five chapters alone instead of us taking turns,

I'd give anything for you to interrupt my reading to ask me a question about what we just read, to hear you ask my opinion or have someone to ask anything.

I keep expecting this to be a dream and I'll wake up and be able to tell you everything that's happened.

That they leave you hours on the floor when you die until the coroner comes.

That you have to clean up the mess, not them.

How coroner's are even weirder than they depict them to be in movies and they smell weird.

And that the people who cremate you are even weirder when you talk to them.

That every single movie and tv show seems to be about death or murder.

Even the cab driver on my way home from the cremation place was listening to a murder mystery audio book.

That when you give CPR to someone who's already gone it feels different, like when you've drank half a can of pop and poke the side of the can in only for it to pop back out.

Or the roof of an old car if you lean on it too much it indents and pops back out.

And the sound.....

That the officer that stayed with me looked like he was the missing character from Napoleon Dynamite, he had a badass 'stache.

That everyone around you tells you they are there for you, yet when you ask for help they act like you're speaking a foreign language and can't understand you.

How I called to sign myself in for treatment but called back to cancel it and I will call back again.

That the word "awww" should only be used when referring to an adorable puppy or baby...Not the loss of your mother.

That your empty hospital bed at home scares me but I don't know what to do.

That I have to take Melatonin and Tylenol hours before bed just to fall asleep as it's like my eyelids are forever stuck open.

That I heard a lady hysterically laughing on the side of the road and yelling at people and it freaked me out and everyone else on the street too I think.

That I bought two records and started my record collection again, that I found a cool shop that isn't that expensive and the people are nice.

That the neighbours don't know anything happened I don't think, they either don't know or don't care as nobody's said anything to me.

I just sit in the apartment and cry a lot now.

I miss you so much,

Sabbath is coming up and this will be my first Sabbath completely without you,

Your birthday after that will be harder.

I miss you so much Mom.

~Jenni

[bunny-hoodlum]

☆ Share 3 fun facts about you, then pass this to three of your mutuals! ☆

Wow, I've been tagged four times! @alexis513, @littlemonstert-blog, @mrs-messy and @mysummerchoi, thanks for tagging me. :3

@mysummerchoi, I feel the exact same way. 😭 Plus, I'm not used to supplying info about myself when asked, haha. That stuff always evaporates from my head. ( . _ . )

I might have maybe almost died when I was three or four? Just kidding, but my mom thinks so. It was a day at a Californian beach, I was buried up to my neck in the sand for a picture and I guess they buried me too close to the water, so when a wave washed over me, they completely lost me in the sand, like either I sunk in deeper or sand washed over my head. My uncle just scooped me out like shwoop! lol. Without a picture, I won't know if it was a bad as they thought it was.

I can be clumsy and hurt myself and for whatever reason I never get scared or feel pain with this happens. Sometimes it feels predictable or like it's happening in slo-mo and I just go 'damn' before it happens. Like, at my old job working warehouse, I tripped on my ankle I think? And I just neatly fell forward like a feather, like I just knew not to resist or I'd hurt myself more. Try to imagine a lego man but with bendable knees. Now picture how you would use that lego man in a stop-motion film. It was like that. And it was so weird too that I thought it was funny. Sometimes when I derp and hurt myself it is actually pretty damn funny, but if it happens too often I get severely frustrated and devolve into a 5-year-old. Another time we got rear-ended twice near the offramp to Santa Barbara, and before the second impact, I just relaxed expecting it -- cuz you know, shitty drunk drivers survive because they literally can't tense up or do something worse like move to look behind them (you will hurt your neck doing that) -- But… But..! Try to get my attention when I can't see you, I freak the fuck out. This was probably more than one thing, but I think it's all related to each other lol.

Maybe this is too personal, but I always find psychology and whatnot very interesting, so from that perspective I'll share this bit of dumbassery: My attachment style has improved but is still pretty damn fucky. I just recently remembered how I had a crush on this boy in middle school (our middle school had 3 separate schools attached, so only time you could mingle with students from another jr high was after school clubs and we met in art club and bonded over FLCL), and I didn't know I liked him until the following year, but then I couldn't do anything about it because he was already dating someone else, a witty Korean-American girl (and I also had a complex about not being Asian enough). Time skip three years and he's finally a freshman, so I get to see him again. (We were same age but he had to start school late). I ask if he's still with her (because I still got some feels leftover) and he said she moved to Canada and had a girlfriend. And fuck if I know why cuz... I don't. My initial reaction wasn't 'Oh goody, I get to try again!'. No. I thought 'She's bi?! Why didn't she have a crush on me?!', like in that split second I wanted to be HER girlfriend instead of this other person. How dare this totally cooler than me girl that grabbed my crush find her own super cool girl to be with, like, first I'm not good enough for him, now I'm not good enough for her, I can't even begin to imagine how cool her Canadian GF must be, blah blah blah, she must be unsurpassably cool because she was chosen by someone also unfathomably cool and that's just how that shit works, blah blah blah-- sigh. The silent screams of my pathological need to be important, everyone. And that is why I will no longer do vent posts, because I feel super ashamed whenever I get validated for my bullshit. ; u ;

Haaa, alright, pick three mutuals. Hm. Feels like everyone got tagged tbh... @peppercornpress @char-lotteral aaaand @spaciousignatius 💖

[mephestopheles]

People who don't regularly take public transit, do not understand the inherent difficulty of even a robust system. And the system I deal with daily is far from robust. While technically I live in the same overall municipality, I live in one hub, work in another and am now required to go to a doctor's appointment in yet another.

I rely on the transit system and use buses daily. I actually enjoy my commute to and from work because it gives me an opportunity to unwind on the bus before getting home. I get to settle out from the day.

It is also frustrating at times. Like Thursday. I had to request time off for the appointment, and if I wasn't reliant on transit, I probably could have gotten away with using maybe 4 hours ish, or blocking out 4 hours and then adjusting the time I actually used.

However, because of the transit system here is abysmal at the best of times, it's been getting steadily worse for a while.

I had to leave twenty minutes earlier than I usually do for work, so I could grab the 8am going the opposite direction from work. That bus will take an hour. I'd arrive a half hour early for my appointment, still have to walk to get there and I was hoping to have time to get a coffee or tea prior to my appointment. If all goes well the appt is 2 hours long, I would get the next available bus back to town, and then a transfer and get to work. So if you're keeping track that's leave an hour and 40 minutes before the appointment, to arrive a half hour early. Appt time between 90 minutes and 2 hours. Wait for the next bus (at least 1/2 hours wait) get to town an hour later. Transfer to another bus and get to work an hour after that. Which means at the earliest I'm getting back to work at 2 pm to go home at 4pm. Rather than spend the extra hour in transit, I might as well take the day off instead.

That's the good result, the expected result.

Instead I arrived at the bus hub, to an overcrowded stop for that bus line, they couldn't take everyone and there were way too many waiting around for the next bus as well. Usually there are anywhere between three and four buses heading at least partially in that direction. The express college bus, two buses going to one town and one going to another nearby. Problem is, they're having a driver shortage as a result of sick calls, increased covid, the rise for RSV and how that is knocking the shit out of everyone (I recently got over my own chest infection just in the last week), they're also dealing with maintenance, buses breaking and several of them that need inspection or can't pass inspection without several fixes.

So there I am, faced with a dilemma, I can reschedule my appointment and go to work (not really an option because I've waited months for this appointment and I promised mom some help after the fact), I could try to get the next bus coming but that looked so full I don't think they were taking anymore, or get a cab. I called for a cab at 8:08 and it finally arrived at 8:58. It was freezing outside and it really sucked.

I wasn't the only one waiting, it's a shit time to get cabs, because there are a bunch that do school runs, and even more than do the mail run. And one guy who usually gets the bus with me going my usual route was waiting for a cab to go to work because he missed our usual bus.

What's really bothering me about this is that I'm still luckier than most. I have a monthly bus pass that is relatively easy for me to afford, I have time I was able to take off work. I don't pay for my healthcare out of pocket. And still this was frustrating and time consuming and it puts me steps behind my coworkers and peers because I am reliant on either transit or generosity for transportation.

It's really shitty being unable to get a bus with the pass I've already paid for, because the city cannot or will not run the transit system properly. I'm out both time and money. If I was going to take the taxi, I could have waited at home and just called one at a somewhat reasonable time and been warm, not frigid because I didn't switch to better mitts.

The trip home was better, the bus is not nearly as full dropping off, and I managed to get to the appropriate stop in enough time. I grabbed a transfer and stopped off at mom's and gave her a hand with garbage because she's been sick as well last week.

Overall it wasn't terrible for the rest of the day, but a slightly shitty start. So yeah if you're not used to public transit, or have friends that rely on it, cut them some slack.

[1ore]

sorry. im going ballistic about this now. hope you understand

i was talking about this after therapy with the people at work but the ways in which abuse leads people to declare 'everyone should suffer as i did' or 'nobody should suffer as i did' . The

morgan and his mom living adjacent to the incalculable grief of the wall watch, and having their relationship forever transfigured by the loss of his father, a watchman. morgan becoming an outsider in his own home. morgan, in his despair, risking it all to leave basedt. morgan escaping into the arms of a loving world, but struggling to integrate into Normal Society because nobody has any idea how to handle the scope of the violence and human suffering that is the ash tundra, so it becomes his and his alone. morgan becoming an outsider in his second home. morgan returning to the first wound i.e. basedt because the survivor's guilt is too much, and because the wound is, at least, familiar. morgan realizing his time with the outside world has transformed him, made him unrecognizable. morgan as permanent outsider, one foot in the sea and one on shore, completely alone.

ashe having wonderful parents, but he still ended up Like That because he experienced something they could not comprehend and the alienation drove him into the arms of a cult, who took a very funny middleground between 'everyone should suffer' and 'nobody should suffer' by declaring 'the world needs to end so we can all stop suffering and it is our moral imperative to personally euthanize it.' ashe getting out, but perpetuating the cycle-- despite his best efforts-- in the most grave and unthinkable way possible.

ashe killing rayet's dad in self-defense. ashe assuming guardianship bc holy shit the ash tundra is no place for an orphan, knowing full well this will cause incalculable damage to both of them, but also that the only alternative is Death. rayet inheriting such a fierce desire to insulate others from the pain of her upbringing that she creates the free companies of the ash tundra and drags everyone around her kicking and screaming into camaraderie and brotherhood. rayet essentially creating the found family that she never had, with no map, no knowledge of what a healthy family looks like. rayet gravitating towards morgan bc he contains Forbidden Knowledge (lived in a normal, loving world for 20 yrs) but also recoiling in disgust because he willingly associates with That Guy (terrible. turns out the people Out There believe that no person, however monstrous, is beyond recovery, whether or not reconciliation is possible)

cinte being groomed to assume the mantle of cruelty and power. cinte as the city of basedt's reductive metaphor for the root of all pain, but also ultimate driver of 'i suffered, so you All have to suffer' . the self-cannibalizing ouroboros of being just like his shitty, shitty mom, and not believing he can be better or deserves to be better. doing Exactly what was expected of him by self-destructing and plunging basedt into the eternal storm. ashe projecting onto the impulse to self-destruct that exists in cinte, because he sees himself in him, and they suffered together under the manazthati. ashe performing the "mercy-killing" of cinte i.e. cutting him up and scattering his bones to the four winds as a natural continuation of the things that Basedt has always done, and will continue to do. until morgan stops his hand and says 'maybe there's another way'

makame as basedt's ultimate social pariah, willingly self-isolating and also unwillingly isolated. makame having 0.4 oz of kinship with morgan and ashe and cinte for being outsiders, experiencing vague belonging for the first time in a long time, torn between craving connection and the urgent self-preservation instinct because ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm there is something deeply wrong with those guys (there is something deeply wrong with Me)

and somehow, because of or despite their efforts, and without their permission, the suffering does go away . and

[made-ofmemories]

When Life Tears You Asunder, But You’re Not Alone

(Chapter 16/18)

General Warnings/tags: Found family, implied Wayne/Susan in future chapters, Max & Eddie have a sibling like relationship, fluff, hurt/comfort, Lumax and Steddie make appearances throughout the chapters but the primary focus is on the familial bonds between characters

Chapter specific warnings/tags: Steddie (mentioned), The rest of corroded coffin make an appearance, Gareth and Max are buddies.

Word count: 3064

Summary: Billy was a pretty shitty brother, there was no denying it, but Max still finds herself mourning for the sibling relationship they never got to have. With him gone she thinks so are her chances of ever having the big brother figure she’s always wanted. Then in a turn of events that she never saw coming, Eddie Munson waltzes into her life. Or more like, almost runs her over.

Notes: There’s a supernatural reference hidden in here somewhere, let us know if you spot it!! And as always comments and kudos make our day, we love hearing from you guys :) Co-written with the wonderful @ladydorian05 and crossposted on AO3. Updates every Friday.

Series masterlist

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“Absolutely not.”

“Why not?” Max insists as if he hasn’t already explained this to her 5 times already, she’s persistent he’ll give her that.

“Because I am not taking a 15-year-old to a bar.”

He can’t see her, he’s in the back of his van loading up the supplies for the Corroded Coffin gig whilst she hovers around by the door. He doesn’t need to see her to be able to picture the glare he knows he’s getting from her, however.

“Almost 16.” She argues. He pops his head out of the side door of the van to throw an unamused scowl her way, “Gareth has been going with you since he was 15.”

“Gareth is part of the band.” He argues.

He doesn’t understand her persistence, it’s not like she’s never heard them play before. She’s constantly dropping by during practice, and Gareth has been teaching her how to play the drums, but she’s relentless. They’ve been having this argument on and off since he told her about the gig a week ago and today she’s been going at it since he picked her up from school more than an hour ago and she hasn’t let up, not once.

“So? I can help!”

“Child labor is generally frowned upon.”

“Eddie.”

“No.”

He thinks that’s the end of it, finally, when she doesn’t respond. Max is nowhere to be seen when he hops out of the van and slides the door shut. She must have given up and headed home to sulk, he assumes, until he opens the driver’s side door and sees her sitting there, seatbelt on, in the passenger seat smiling smugly. He pinches the bridge of his nose, he really should have seen that one coming.

“Alright. Fine.” He says, climbing into his seat and closing the door behind him, “2 rules. Number 1, you stay backstage. The entire time. No exceptions, got it?”

The gig is at a dingy little dive bar just outside of town. It’s a step up from the Hideout, where they previously played most of their gigs, they now get a crowd of maybe 10 drunks instead of 5 which Eddie counts as a win. There isn’t really much of a ‘backstage’ per se but there is a small corridor to the side of the stage with a tiny room Eddie suspects might have been a closet at one point but has since been refurbished into a makeshift dressing room. He should be able to keep an eye on her back there from the stage.

“Ok. Fine.” She agrees though she doesn’t look happy about it.

“2nd rule, do not tell Dustin about this.”

That one seems to confuse her a little, but she agrees anyway much less reluctantly than before. He really doesn’t want to have to deal with Dustin’s insufferable moaning if he finds out he’d taken Max along to a gig when he’s been begging to tag along for months and then he’d have to give in and take them both along to the next one. He is not going to be responsible for babysitting 2 teenagers at a bar they’re far too young to be at, especially not those 2 teenagers.

“Your mom is going to kill me.” He mutters as he starts the engine.

They meet the rest of the band out the back of the bar. Eddie parks his van in the usual spot and hops out to start unloading their equipment. Gareth, Jeff, and Carl are of very little help, much too busy excitedly conversing with Max who they hadn’t been expecting to tag along…

Neither had Eddie.

“Hey, Red.” He calls, interrupting their conversation, “You said you wanted to help right?”

She nods and makes her way over when he holds up one of the smaller amps from the back of the van. It’s much heavier than she’s expecting it to be and she almost drops it when he first hands it over until she adjusts to the weight of it. Eddie feels a little guilty for dumping it on her.

“You got it?” He asks, hands hovering near the amp ready to grab it if she needs him to.

“Yeah, I’m good.” Her voice is strained with the effort it takes to hold up the amp, and she shuffles off letting Gareth help her with it as they head inside and he shows her where to place it.

He does most of the heavy lifting after that, with some help from Jeff and Carl, and leaves Max to help Gareth setting up the drum kit. She’s been fascinated by the drums more than anything else ever since the first band practice she attended, much to his dismay. He’s tried countless times to convince her the guitar is clearly much cooler, but she won’t be persuaded.

Max finds him a few minutes before they’re due on stage. He’s bouncing on the balls of his feet, all excitement and nervous energy. He’s humming quietly in an attempt to calm his nerves. Eddie is by no means shy, he doesn’t think anyone could ever mistake him as such. He’s always been filled with confidence, maybe a little too much confidence at times, with a larger-than-life personality. But something about those final few moments before heading on stage to perform will always fill him with anxiety.

“Are you humming Metallica?” She asks, voice filled with mirth.

“Helps calm me down.” He explains. Their conversation is cut short when Jeff calls for Eddie a second later, “Alright, remember the rules. You stay right there. Do not move, ok?” He says hurriedly as he rushes to join the rest of his band.

“I know, I know!” She huffs, but her grumpiness is short-lived and quickly replaced by a wide smile, “Good luck!”

Eddie loves his job at the garage. He does. But this, being on stage and performing, this is everything.

They play mostly covers with the occasional original song thrown into the mix. He glances over to Max throughout, partially to make sure she’s ok and partially because he knows her and would not be surprised if she snuck off. She stays put and even seems to be getting into it, jumping along and banging her head to the music with a smile plastered onto her face the entire time.

The bar had been quiet, to begin with, but by the time they play the last song they’d gained quite a crowd. Max is right there when he steps off stage, talking so fast he can’t make out a word she’s saying. He’s never seen her like this, so… hyped up.

“Max.” He says, but she continues on anyway. He places his hands on her shoulders and tries again, “Max! Slow. Down.”

That snaps her back to reality and her smile gets impossibly wider as she grips his arms, “That was awesome!”

He laughs at her excitement and then the other 3 are surrounding them and he’s swept up in a mess of one-armed hugs, high fives, and more unintelligible excited chatter. Max fits right in.

Loading up the van again is the worst part. The only good part about it is the rush of the cool February air that hits them when they step outside. The air in the bar had been stale and sticky with heat and Eddie had spent the past hour jumping around the stage which hadn’t helped.

Despite his makeshift tank top (an old iron maiden t-shirt with the sleeves cut off), he was covered in a sheen of sweat, his curls damp and sticking to his forehead. Jeff, Gareth, and Carl don’t look much better off. Even Max looks like she’s suffering from it, a few stray hairs escaping from her twin braids and sticking to the side of her face and the apples of her cheeks glowing a rosy red.

“You hungry?” Eddie asks as Max helps him load up the last of their equipment.

“Starving.”

“Alright, I know a place near here.” It’s somewhat of a post-show tradition, greasy fast food is just what they all need after a performance.

Jeff and Carl don’t stay, they have to work early the next day and make their orders to go, both of them heading back to Jeff’s car after sharing their goodbyes. Gareth stays, insistent that he’ll be able to wedge himself into Eddie’s van alongside all of their equipment.

They take up a table in the corner of the room, there’s no one else around other than the staff who mostly remain behind the counter on the other side of the room, and the occasional customer who wanders in to pick up an order and then leaves just as quickly.

Eddie notices that Max squints her eyes a little while reading the menu much like how Steve does when he’s having trouble with his eyesight. It’s not the first time he’s noticed her doing it, but for now he’s been keeping it to himself. If bringing up his eyesight was a delicate topic for Steve, asking Max about her own is just asking for trouble. When it comes to Max, the best course of action more often than not is to let her reach out on her own.

Max excuses herself to use the restroom almost as soon as they’re seated with their food, leaving Eddie alone with Gareth.

“You’re just sad that loverboy couldn’t make it this week.” Gareth is saying, waving a fry around between them as he talks, right as Max returns.

“Wait.” She says, brow furrowed with confusion, and Gareth whips around to see her standing behind him. His face drops, he clearly hadn’t heard her approaching over the sound of the music playing through the speakers scattered around the room, “Steve comes to your gigs?”

Gareth's expression very quickly morphs into something much more mischievous and Eddie lowers his head to the table with a thud. Great, now there’s 2 of them.

“Oh yeah, all the time.” Gareth confirms, “Dude always sticks out like a sore thumb, he showed up in this bright yellow sweater last week. He said he liked one of our original songs and Eddie blushed about it for like 3 hours afterward.”

“Awww,” Max coos, and Eddie groans. His forehead is still plastered to the sticky table in front of him, it can’t be very hygienic, he doesn’t even want to think about the last time it was cleaned but he also can’t find it in him to care all that much at the moment, “He likes your songs!” She mocks, her tone is light and teasing, earning a laugh from Gareth.

“You’re both walking home,” Eddie announces, finally looking up long enough to throw a fry into his mouth.

“Steve wouldn’t be very happy about that.” Max quips back, trying to suppress a smile but failing miserably.

He narrows his eyes at her, twirling a fry around in his fingers as he contemplates throwing it at her.

“Yeah, Eddie, what would loverboy think of you if you make Max and your best friend walk back home in the middle of the night?”

“There’s going to be a vacancy for that best friend position very soon.” He informs Gareth, deciding to throw the fry at him instead.

“Bet you’d let Stevie fill it in a heartbeat.” Gareth continues, apparently unphased by the fry-turned projectile as he picks it out of his hair and tosses it onto the table.

“I don’t think that’s the title he’d like to give to Stevie.”

“God damn it, you two are insufferable! Why the hell did I introduce you to each other!?”

“Oh, come on, you love us.”

“Just not as much as Stevie right?” Max adds. She and Gareth are laughing so hard they can barely breathe, making Eddie regret the day they met, he should have known this would happen.

----------------

Max falls asleep on the ride back to the trailer park after dropping Gareth off at his house. It isn’t particularly late, but apparently, the excitement had taken its toll. He shakes her awake with a hand on her shoulder once they’re outside her trailer, careful not to startle her too much and she blinks herself awake groggily.

“Wha- whasup?” she asks, looking around trying to make sense of her surroundings. He is sure that if he doesn’t get her moving in the next couple of seconds she’ll fall asleep again.

“We’re back, come on, let’s get you home.” He holds her hands and tries to pull her up to no avail. “Come on Red, you have a perfectly comfortable bed waiting for you. You really don’t want to sleep in the van, believe me, it sucks.”

“Nooo, my legs don’t work.” She whines, closing her eyes again.

“They worked just fine before.”

“But they don’t work anymore.” She mumbles, letting her body slump further in the passenger seat. “You’ll have to leave me here or carry me home.”

“Jesus, Max. Are you for real?”

“Yeah.”

Eddie parks his van beside his trailer, that way he could make a beeline to his bed after taking Max home, she’s not the only one who’s exhausted. He gets out of the van and walks to Max’s side to open the passenger door.

“Come on, Red, hop on my back.” He says turning around.

“Can’t” Max grumbles.

“What do you mean you can’t?” He asks, turning to face her.

“Can’t get up.” She complains as she tries to push herself from the seat fighting the restraint of her seatbelt.

“Of course you can’t, Red. You haven’t taken the seatbelt off.” Eddie laughs in exasperation. He reaches over and unbuckles the seatbelt, guiding it back to the pillar loop making sure the tongue won’t hit her as it retracts back to its place. “There, done, now hop on.”

Max gets on his back, her arms in a very loose grip over his shoulders, head resting on one of them, for a moment he’s scared he’s going to drop her before he hoists her up and gets a more secure hold on her legs which are dangling limply at his sides. “I swear, Red. You constantly argue with me every time I call you a kid and then you go and pull this off. You’re lucky you’re my sister.”

“Daughterofanothermister?” He wouldn’t have understood what she just said if it wasn’t for her face being right beside his ear.

“Yeah, yeah, daughter of another mister and all that. Just don’t drool on me.” He closes the door of the van with his hip before beginning to walk towards her trailer. The lights are on and he really hopes that her mom is still awake, if not he’d leave a note and she’d have to crash at his place, there’s no way he’s going to try to get the spare key while carrying a half asleep teenager on his back.

He knocks on the door twice, making sure he still has a secure grip on Max before trying the second time. Thankfully Susan is still awake and lets him in. At first, she tries to take Max from him, but he brushes off her concern, “Don’t worry about it Susan, I got her. I’ll just leave her on her bed. And make my way out.”

“Alright, if you say so. How was your mini concert?" Now that's news, he didn't know that Susan was aware of his gigs, "Did you kids have fun?"

"You knew about it?" He asks with wide eyes.

"Of course, that's all Max has been talking about, she begged me to let her go with you." So the little rascal had permission and didn't tell him!

"It went well. We stopped for some food on the way back, so she’s eaten."

"I see, well thank you for bringing her home. I’m going to bed now that you two are home safely, be a dear and lock the door for me on your way out please?.”

“Yeah, of course.”

“Thanks, good night Eddie.” She closes the distance between them and presses a kiss to his right cheek and a gentle pat on the left before heading to her room.

“Good night Susan.” While not a rare occurrence by now, he’s still not used to Susan’s maternal affection being directed at him. Not that he dislikes it, it just brings back bittersweet memories.

Eddie takes Max to her bedroom. He pulls the sheets back, keeping Max balanced precariously on his back the entire time until he’s done and carefully sets her down. He has to coax her to lay down correctly with her head on her pillow instead of across her bed. He takes her sneakers off before covering her with the sheets. There’s a pair of glasses on her bedside table and he picks them up to get a closer look. They haven’t been worn in a while based on the thin sheen of dust covering the surface.

“These work a lot better when you actually wear them, you know that right?” He asks, but all he gets in return is a sleepy grumble. He’s about to leave when her hand darts out from under the covers and grabs onto his wrist.

“Hey, Eddie?”

“What’s up, Red?”

“Most metal concert ever.”

“That’s high praise there, Red. Good night.” He says with a big smile.

“Night, Eddie.”

He locks the front door with the spare key and places it back in its hiding spot. For a moment he contemplates unloading the van, but he’s too tired to be lugging around the amps. He just grabs his sweetheart and prays that the rest of the equipment will still be there in the morning.

He’s so tired. The adrenaline of the night from the performance, from doing what he loves, has long worn off, only leaving a kind of satisfied tiredness.

He takes his boots off, his belt and jeans follow next. While he knows he shouldn’t have taken Max with him tonight, he’s glad he did. He’s even more glad that she had actually asked her mom for permission. He’s happy he got to share this part of his life with her. And she was right, it was metal, her presence there really made it a great night.

Even if he now has to deal with her and Gareth teaming up against him. But that’s a problem for future Eddie to deal with.