#he's just... he got caught up in a big misunderstanding and was exploited

[firesofdainix]

hey hey tell me more about Hideaki!! I wanna know more about him!!

also if you could give me a color pallet for him that would be perfect

OH MY GOD IT’S MY BLORBO'S TIME TO SHINE!!! This man has been living in my head rent free ALL MONTH so I think he needs a necessary introduction.

(You're lucky I made a little concept ref sheet for Hideaki. His hair is HORRIBLE to draw.)

ANYWAYS, his shitty tragic ass life story is under the cut. The blorbo needs his moments <3333

Tw for someone killing a baby brutally, beheading, some violence

Okay so first of all, he's HELLA old in ninjago history. He was a member of the VERY FIRST Elemental Alliance, which included Morro I. His Element was the long-lost and extinct Element of Seasons. This and the Element of Weather were originally from the Great Devourer, offered to humans who managed to evade its venom. Hideaki was a very lucky guy because of his encounter, to the point he was regaled as some kind of hero. Season is a hard Element to make sense or understand about, that even Hideaki doesn't know how he can fully control it. So, the least complicated version of the semantics of Season is that it can summon a season willingly in a controlled area. Although that takes a LOT of work and needs True Potential, so Hideaki taps into the traits of the Core Elements and correlates it to the season he wants to summon.

He awakened his powers at a very young age, and just at 14 he awakened his True Potential in a very fantastical way. FSM noticed his power and notified his parents (and a confused Hideaki) he was an Elemental Master and would like for him to join his alliance. His parents and siblings were quite protective of Hideaki, and were a bit tense and suspicious of a man who just appeared out of nowhere to recruit their son to what seems like a gang. Hideaki, very excited to meet new friends, insisted on going with FSM to travel the world. Right speaking of which, his relationship with his family is VERY good, he has three siblings as well so it's a big family. They are very close, too close to the point he feels as if he's too codependent on them. That's why he chose to go with FSM, so he can learn to handle himself.

As a person, he's a very fun, bubbly, and optimistic person, however he's VERY naïve when it comes to meeting new people. He sees everything, initially, in a black and white worldview, He always obeys the FSM's rules out of sheer idol worship and wanting to be useful, seeing everything in black and white. But despite his bubbliness he's very bad at socializing, often getting distracted with insects, running off to come pet them and getting lost because of a bad sense of direction. Most Elemental Masters have to go looking for him, often being annoyed by how ditzy and clueless he is. It doesn’t help they're older than him by a few years and he was only 14 when he joined. He's also pretty bad at socializing, because whatever he says can be taken in a VERY wrong out of context way.

He barely has any friends (because, you know, he has a big age gap with the others) and the others really didn't want to connect with a little kid, unlike FSM, who's very fond of him. He wishes he has a better childhood than what he had. But, his only friend in the entire Elemental Alliance was the first Elemental Master of Wind, Morro I. They were the only person in the entire world who can match his rambunctious and wilder side, but unfortunately Hideaki is the one who has to keep them in check. They always make reckless or intellectually impulsive decisions where he often forgets he is currently with a buddy, and Hideaki bears the brunt of their decisions. He tries to dissuade Morro I from his many, many awful decisions, but to his dismay he continues to not listen to him. However, he continues to stay with him, simply because he was the only person who can tolerate and understand his giddiness and personality.

Hideaki can summon seasons, and his appearance is also changed depending on which season he uses, or what his current mood is. Because he is usually seen as a happy, smiling young man, his hair, which is pink since birth, his hair is vibrant and very soft-looking, like spring is always like. In the picture above his 'spring colors' is the first picture. With the pink highlights. He is barely in a 'winter mode' simply because he believes his sadness is not quite important to the mission.

As an able Elemental Master, Hideaki was very good at listening to FSM's orders and also his superiors. The only thing he is flawed with is his ability to be distracted. If Morro I is good at evading and being as fast as the wind, Hideaki, is gifted in heavy lifting, though he has more limits unlike the Master of Earth. He can try and drag a grundle back into unclaimed lands using a rope or chains, one of his prime weaponry. Because his Element can somewhat be four separate elements entirely, he uses different kinds of weapons to mediate his power. Since he uses spring a lot he uses a longbow regularly, having perfect aim. He has decently strong control over summer, using a kusarigama, a decent but weaker control over autumn, in which he uses a kama, and he has a very, VERY weak link for winter, simply because his personality contrasts with what winter is usually seen as.

Anyways, when Morro I was arrested for the crime of being so obsessed with FSM, Hideaki was so hurt by the way he showed his true colors. He tried to fish out another response or confession from Morro I, but what he heard from them was heartbreaking: the person he cared about the most... Didn't give too shits about him. He didn't watch Morro I's exile, and he felt embarrassed over the fact he had a crush on them. Since the only person he has gotten along with was gone, he was alienated even further from the Alliance. So he does solo missions, aware the other Elemental Masters don't want to give him the time of day. FSM tries to convince him to socialize, but he really doesn't know how to socialize, only putting on a front that he was still nice and approachable.

When he was 16, a few months after Morro I was exiled, he was patrolling the areas near a rather large forest filled with dangerous plants and animals, a portal above him opens, and, alarmed, he jumps out the way soon as a dark figure falls, and into the ravine near Hideaki. While he was still addled and a little shocked about the portal hanging above him, he calls out to the new stranger if they were okay. The responder sounded feminine, and, after telling them to hold still as he tries to rescue them, something leaps out from the ravine and catches him in a tackle. When he meets with their eyes, it was like love at first sight.

Apparently, the creature in front of him was an Oni, a predecessor of the First Spinjitzu Master and was tasked to bring him back, dead or alive, for their cause in the First Realm. Her name was Kokoro, and she was mainly forced to follow in her parents' footsteps by the Omega or she will be killed. She knows that her being taken here was just a banishment in disguise, but she didn't seem to care. Her Realm was devastated after the incessant fighting of the Oni and Dragon, and seeing Ninjago, she didn't WANT to find the FSM and kill him for it. Sympathizing with her, Hideaki shares a few bits of his life, and the two of them hit it off, something in them clicking when they first laid eyes on each other. Kokoro started to live with Hideaki in his family home. While his family were, at first, a little wary over an Oni staying in their home, immediately warmed up to her.

After a year of knowing each other, their feelings for the other didn't seem to fade away or become platonic. Instead, it grew stronger every time they spend time with one another. They confessed to one another during a private night, and well, they're both teenagers and let the hormones win, so... Hideaki finds out that Kokoro is about to have a kid he's a little tense, panicking even. He's NEVER had one of his dumb, teenage-driven decisions backfire SO horribly in his face before, being the first time he's ever done anything out of impulse. But in the end, while he did receive some scolding from his parents that became a really, REALLY big misunderstanding (Hideaki thought they believed Kokoro was a horrible influence on him, they just want to help), he and Kokoro ended up running away from home. He still had contact with the Elemental Masters, but he omits any details of his Oni wife because he fears their prosecution.

Some background over this hesitant omission: when FSM left, the dragons did send their best warriors to find him, but when he expressed he didn't want to return to the First Realm, the dragons had no choice but to respect his choices. However, the Oni warriors, especially the embodiments of Vengeance, Anger and Deception were very keen on taking him back to win a war they caused. Why do you think the Elemental Alliance was formed? Not only to defend Ninjago's citizens from attacks of primordial creatures, but also from the Oni. They try their damndest to drive out the Oni, and while they are successful, somewhat, some decided to stay, such as Mystake, but only the FSM knows. Kokoro is a stronger type of Oni, since she's one of the daughters of the Oni of Anger. It's why she regularly has some angry outbursts that only Hideaki can calm down. She gets carried away when she gets WAY too angry. But she doesn't hurt anyone, she just has a big impact in her surroundings. Kokoro is the one that carved the mask of anger after fighting her father with Hideaki when they, by coincidence, found him in a secluded and unknown part in Ninjago. It was a metal ass fight.

Anyways, when he is not doing his Elemental Master work, he usually does house chores, making accomodations for Kokoro, or being a generally nice and pleasant person to be around with. He helps a lot of folk near his area with their lives, helping them settle, babysit, whatever. He's regarded as that towns handyman since he always seems to know what to do. Hideaki didn't know that, even when he tried to keep Kokoro a secret, only referring to her by name or his wife, some of his contemporaries got way too suspicious. He always evades the idea of visiting her, he's never shown them any kind of significant material that belongs to his wife, to the point they just think he's making up excuses to escape his work. So they followed him home, and not only did they find out Hideaki’s wife, they also found out she was Oni and like... idk they're beefing with a guy who just turned 18.

So they put the worst assumptions they had on Hideaki and his wife, and immediately tattled on him towards the FSM. Okay, so we are getting on neutral ground with him. I think the FSM is a very interesting figure. He is good, but sometimes he can get a little suspicious of people. He has trust issues after being used and abused by the Oni and Dragon for so many years. When the Elemental Masters forwarded what they assumed Hideaki was doing, well. He didn’t want to believe it at first. The Elemental masters mean well, probably (if having a grudge on a kid means well idk), but they said things blown out of proportion, way too based on assumptions and delusions for it to work. FSM denies their assumptions, but decided the only way to discover if it was true or no was to confront Hideaki. Following him to his home (since Hideaki couldn't say no to him) he, some Elemental Masters who insist on accompanying FSM, engage in a tense dinnertime with Kokoro, who just gave birth (Hideaki still couldn't find the time to hold his new kid in his arms too). FSM purposefully cuts himself (Oni and Dragon alike are very interested in his blood), and Kokoro reacts accordingly, her mind hazy, going out of control as she turns to a full Oni.

that's when FSM admonishes Hideaki for his secrecy. He lets the other Elemental Masters restrain Kokoro, and FSM gives Hideaki a chance to explain himself, to debunk what his comrades tell the FSM. He was always a firm believer of someone admitting their lies and their sins face-to-face... However Hideaki DOES NOT work well under pressure, nor when his baby and wife is currently being held hostage so his thoughts, his confessions and everything he says is incomprehensible garbage. He even made a few mentions of the Oni of Anger and how they destroyed him without the FSM knowing, to which FSM'S trust for Hideaki breaks more. Initially, despite the offenses and panicked testimony, FSM was going to let Hideaki free, except he is exiled from the Elemental Alliance.

The thing is, Hideaki prioritizes his family first. Before FSM can reassure him he is not mad, the Master of Fire... Killed Hideaki's baby. Not an accident, he literally burnt the baby alive until it was reduced to nothing but literal ashes. It was as if something unlocked inside Hideaki; with an enraged growl he breaks free, attempting to maul the Master of Fire like a bear. Even Kokoro was enraged over what they'd done to her child, impaling the first Elemental Master of Nature, letting him die as she tries to scramble to pick up the child's remains and kill the master of fire. The master of fire INSISTS he hadn't done that, that something was controlling him, brainwashing him into fucking killing a baby. I wonder who it was. Anyways things got ugly immediately, Kokoro got murdered by a happenstance of circumstances, that not even Hideaki or FSM could explain it in detail. In the end, FSM cursed Hideaki after murdering the master of fire and earth, thinking that the Preeminent was simply collecting souls not to feel lonely (because he’s still quite naive, despite seeing Preeminent’s true form. he GENUINELY thought she wanted a companion and assigned her Hideaki).

The Elemental Master of Lightning beheads Hideaki out of grief, and when Hideaki opens his eyes to the new afterlife awaiting him. Everything was... a dystopia. A ruin of every ruin. Desolation and destruction that predates anything he knows about Ninjago. And at the center of it all, lies the Preeminent, who has her wish come true. A new companion... but he wasn’t willing, and she treats him more as a pet than anything else. Against his will, since he IS the first inhabitant of the Cursed Realm, he is married to the Preeminent, but no matter how much force and situated affection she has for him, in his heart there only lies one girl. Kokoro, whom he was very, VERY far away from.

At first, he still held hope. Hope that he will see Kokoro again, to hold their child, but the days turned to weeks, months, and then years. The Preeminent had enforced him with all kinds of orders and laws, to the point that his happy, humane and optimistic side started to fade away, leaving only the ugliest parts of him; his lack of social awareness, his awkwardness, his intense insecurity. The years in the Cursed Realm turned him to the very thing he hated the most: something he considers a bad person. These negative attributes of his personality was also paired up with an increasing amount of apathy and indifference (he started accepting that every soul that came here was forsaken and deserved to be punished like him), and cruelty and idleness he shows to his new subordinates. He thinks he can wither like this forever, to act as if nothing exists, as if he doesn’t exist, as if his only dream in this afterlife was to be tortured and held captive by the Preeminent forever.

But someone stopped him from spiralling in those horrid thoughts, as late as he can be. Five thousand years since he came to this realm and was stripped of the humanity he had, a Cursed soul younger than him showed up. 17 years old, clearly having been deceived by the Preeminent as Hideaki observes him from the Head of the Cursed Realm, as he fights off many, many ghosts, winning glory and the authority of everyone in the Dystopian Ribcage. Called the champion, this man was. He interested Hideaki a lot, but he refuses to think or talk about him. He may ascend the Head soon, so what could he possibly say to him? That is, until the Preeminent told him not only was he the Elemental Master of Wind, but he is named after his old friend, Morro I. Immediately the most interested he has been since he was exiled to this Realm, he seeks the young ghost out to obtain information from him, whatever it is. He didn't know what information he wants from him, but it was enough to make this already static afterlife feel... A little more entertaining.

And it did. Hideaki properly gets the chance to meet Morro after one of his combats. Morro had just finished one of his more iconic fights (him against Arcturus, the Anacondrai general), and seen than a particular silhouette he has not ever come across the amphitheater was watching him, he immediately books it. However, Arcturus was feeling a little petty over losing a fight against a teenager that he corners him and almost beats him up if Hideaki didn't intervene. Sending the Anacondrai on their way, he gets a one on one with Morro. The young man wanted to talk to Morro, but he was sent away by a large wind, so he decided to volunteer to host Morro's visit towards the Cursed Realm palace, that's when they started talking. While at first, since Morro was jaded by human interaction and suspicious over anything that tries to interact with him. Hideaki was no exception; he treated him quite callously and occasionally misinterprets his body language and stand offishness as him thinking he is above all of them. Morro has a strong hatred over the Cursed Realm's elite society living in her head (which Hideaki is a part of) because they're living good afterlives in her head.

However, after a few more years of some forced spending time together (the Preeminent wanted her husband and her champion to have a better relationship for publicity), Morro started to understand how and why Hideaki is the way he is. Sooner and later, he developed an understanding and more intimate relationship with Hideaki. It’s not romantic, but it is definitely more platonic than what was intended by the both of them. Not getting into it but it’s like friends-with-benefits type of relationship, except they do have a particularly strong bond. However Morro doesn’t really like him in a romantic way (he’s not that romantically attracted to anyone at all), while Hideaki simply hasn’t moved on from his first wife. They’re not affectionate with each other, but everyone who sees them interact and share relationships know that they are quite close to each other. They occassionally talk, had multiple rendezvous that leaves the Preeminent seething, knowing how one another would feel and act given the type of situation, and even leaves others debating and fighting over what their label were.

Hideaki dislikes the fact that Morro cares too much about a title he never got in his life, and wants him to let go of that ambition. However Morro doesn’t like the fact that he acts as if he doesn’t care about his life anymore. He tries riling Hideaki up with the promises of destroying Cloud Kingdom for separating him from his family. He has no interest with the Preeminent’s ambitions of taking over all the sixteen Realms but makes no plans stopping them, having given up the ability to care about the morality of the situation. However, once he asks Morro if he was still willing to possess the Green Ninja to find the Realm Crystal, he did not expect Morro expressing vengeance and the desire to plunge the world into misery. Despite his hesitance and dislike of having to exert too much of his energy into something that will most likely fail, he was fond of Morro. He didn’t want him to die because of his naive foolishness, and so, decides to help him.

This of course blows up on everyone's faces, as Morro loses against a bunch of teenagers with facemasks, and Hideaki was being smug towards both Preeminent and Morro about how this was a HORRIBLE idea and he knew it. Despite all of this, he feels nothing but acceptance over his fate, and believes he accepts getting scorched to death by water. He does, however, become tense at the thought of his loved ones being judgemental and not loving him any longer simply because he is different and not the man Kokoro married. Idk what to do with this story plot point but he does reunite with his family, don't know how to do it while making it emotional. He also plays widely into this kind of fanseason but also AU thing of mine in which Morro gets an on screen redemption arc. Anyways yeah that's it for his story, it was bound to have a happy ending for him since he deserves it.

Anyways some trivia time tee hee:

Here's a more detailed reference picture of Hideaki I drew out of funnies if you want more color palette references. He ALWAYS wears his training gi, if he is not he wears traditional kimono. I don't have any color palette for his Cursed Realm design but here's a basic sketch of it. He's obsessed with the idea of wearing tons of armor because it's a sign you can protect people you love.

Initially his character would be a little more of an asshole than his final ones, I had his character already set up in early July during the time of making TAGOMJTR (my Morro redemption fic) and waited for a time to implement him in the story. He was supposed to be Morro’s 'only friend' who betrayed him to go to the Head of the Preeminent and left his ass, which made him grow bitter. I actually had to scrap a moment in TAGOMJTR and Morrotober because that little blurb doesn't fit what I have for Hideaki anymore.

Although I had an impulsive thought about turning Hideaki into a genuine, good friend for Morro because he needs some rest between all things, so here we are! I fluctuated back and forth over his actual personality because him being unhinged or snarky and flippant isn't really how I envision him. Besides I need him to contrast Morro- Morro caring too much about life while Hideaki doesn't really give a damn anymore. That's why he's a lot more stoic and apathetic than usual, but it's clear he has a better moral compass and standing than Morro has.

The way I thought of their character is a lot more 'wow what if Morro got fucked over by a ghost in the Cursed Realm' then it turned to 'wow what if an Elemental Master was also condemned' and Hideaki was made. He's mainly based off cold characters who became the way they are because of traumatic events. I think Morro deserves a companion that tries to talk him out of many things rather than someone who betrays him and destroy the last of his kindness.

He's also actually a Demon Slayer oc with the same element at his disposal (breath of Seasons) but they're WILDLY different characters at this point with varied accomplishments. They also have different appearance.

[seat-safety-switch]

"No, no, no. You misunderstand. This is elf checkout."

Ever since we opened that portal to the fantasy dimension, we've been dealing with a lot of labour strife. Thanks to me taking down that Nissan Atlas that kept running over all those teenagers and sending them to become great warriors in another world, the portal has been swarmed constantly with immigrants. Those nice folks just want to work in a place with central heating and air conditioning, and where bandits are unlikely to chop off their heads or blow up their homes with lightning spells.

We had to expect that big business would take advantage of the portal. For instance, it wasn't even a week until we caught an oil company executive trying to dispose of barrels of tailing-pond waste over in Not-Narnia. He cried like a little baby, especially when Great Warrior Carl (I don't know his last name) booted his ass through the doorway and he got dissolved by a green slime. Sort of appropriate, honestly, but I digress. Anyway, one of the other things that big business did was take advantage of low-priced, precarious labour.

See, these poor rubes were so overwhelmed by our modern society that they agreed to basically anything. That's how we ended up with elf checkouts, which replaced the old expensive scanning robots with magical beings who were attuned to nature, had pointy ears, and didn't know the phone number for the labour ministry. It's hard to avoid the sense that they are being exploited, something which absolutely puts a downer on my shopping trip.

Write your representative today: authorize a tactical nuclear strike on Grobnar the Destroyer's Skull Fortress, so that these wretches can go back home.

[is-ben-camp]

The College Lives of Sex Girls

I: Intro/Whitney

Jared, Stella, and I, just got caught up with the six released episodes of second season of The Sex Lives of College Girls, and I thought I would write down my thoughts about the show, specifically what the show says about sex on campus.

At first I made a big deal about needing to know what the show was even about. What was the message? Jared pointed out to me that maybe there is none. The show feels more like a slice-of-life presentation of what contemporary college life is from women’s perspectives. I agree that moral lessons are not the focus of the show or the girls' sex lives. The themes in the ways the girls date and have sex are well-written and consistent, reflecting their desires, drives, and past experiences. Once established, however, the same themes are not interrogated or critically examined in any way, and this stunts the girls' growth in emotional and sexual maturity. 

Whitney arrives at Essex with a good bit of family baggage. Her mother is powerful and impressive but distant. As a result, Whitney tries to impress her but gets little to no feedback, which drives her desire to achieve even more. On the other hand, Whitney’s father has practically abandoned her to selfishly pursue his own ambitions. For very different reasons, this also pushes Whitney to be more and more impressive, especially to the men around her.

Her affair with Dalton, the assistant soccer coach, is telling in this regard. She is the hardest-working player on his team, and the initiator in their relationship. Instead of being passed up by a male authority figure for some selfish desire, she becomes the object of that desire for Dalton, and even tries to push him to leave his wife for her in a distorted inversion of what has been visited upon her. It hurts all the more when she realizes she is not the first student to have an affair with him partly because it contradicts this narrative. She once again feels the cold shoulder of an uncaring paternal figure from whom she wanted nothing but love.

Later, Whitney’s competitiveness turns to jealousy when she finds out that her boyfriend, Canaan, was approached by another girl, even though he didn't initiate and was clear with her about his relationship with Whitney. She feels betrayed when Canaan asks if they can be official – she thought they already were. These are plausible reactions for anyone to have, but in context, they read as expressions of Whitney’s fear of abandonment. She desires to be the center of someone’s affection, the first on their list of priorities. This is how these innocent misunderstandings take the shape of betrayal.

Despite this pattern of behavior being so well-developed, Whitney is never challenged on it, and therefore cannot grow out of it. Regarding her affair with Dalton, her teammates proclaim, only he is to blame because he was in a position of power over her. While technically true, this interpretation lets Whitney off the hook from having to reflect on the part she played in this unhealthy romance. 

This brings me back to my point about the moral lessons missing from the show, because we do get some of it at this juncture. The writers do not force Whitney to reckon with her own shortcomings. Instead, they use this moment to drive home a point about powerful men at the university exploiting the women below them. But this is not an accurate portrayal of what happened in the relationship. A stronger yet more controversial moral is sacrificed for one that doesn’t fit as well and is weaker but perhaps easier to digest.

My point is that the show clearly does have a moral dimension, and that it is very much involved in the ethics surrounding sex and relationships, but it picks and chooses when to say something about it. When some moments are used as parables but others portraying equally substantial ethical issues get played for laughs or simply go unexamined, how to interpret them remains unclear. When ethics enters the picture, we see it clearly. When it is absent from a crucial moment, we are left to wonder if the writers think there is nothing at all wrong about what just happened, whether they think it’s funny, or whether they just don’t care enough to analyze it. 

To do any or all of the above is well within the rights of the show’s creators. They certainly are not beholden to my system of ethics, which finds questionable many scenes shown in a positive light, or in any case, not given the closer examination and reflection that I believe they merit. However, when the writers do not weigh in, some instances of inappropriate sexual behavior perpetrated by the girls get rubber-stamped, or at least it really seems that way. In what follows I'll try to point out some examples of this behavior complete with missing moral post-mortem and explain why I think the writers ought to pay closer attention to them.

II: If you can’t beat ‘em, at least try to get into their parties…

Despite the fact that the main characters are women, nearly all of the plot development happens at fraternities, most of it at frat parties. Frats stand in for the student community in many instances in this show. In fact, the frats, with their incredibly ripped and incredibly stupid pledges, are substituted for (elite) university communities with entrenched male-centered, patriarchal attitudes. 

Ninety percent of the girls’ male peers are shirtless ninety percent of the time they are on screen. When they do commit the grave mistake of opening their mouths, they either say something stupid, sexist, or plain offensive. This tongue-in-cheek objectification is meant to be subversive, and is in line with the trope that exists in popular culture where we take a despicable practice that, up to now, has been perpetrated by men, and ‘reclaim’ it by mediating its depiction through a female, queer, etc. perspective as an act of gleeful retaliation. Having said that, I think it's obvious enough that this is meant to be a joke so I don't think it's fair to take issue with the caricature in and of itself.

Through the frats, male-centered college culture is irreverently made fun of. At the same time, the show never even hints at the fact that fraternities should clearly be obliterated. It is as if they are absolved by being made the butt of a long joke. Frats are bottomless pits of the kinds of indefensible behavior that all the administrators of the colleges that house them will say they stand firmly against. Like these administrators, the writers seem here to be saying: "yep, it’s fucked up, we know, but them’s the breaks. If you can’t beat them, at least try to get into their parties."

The girls, instead of separating from the fraternities, use them for their own benefit. Instead of breaking with the patriarchal community that treats them poorly, they try to use its own means against itself in what I believe to be a core theme of the show -- that it is empowering, or at least not unethical, for women to cynically use the tools of a patriarchal system against itself for their own advantage. The issue, of course, is that this implicitly validates these systems and removes the urgency of the need to replace them with better ones, until the women themselves are assimilated into the system.

At the start of the second season, the girls are faced with the consequences of Kimberly tattling on a frat’s extensive record of academic dishonesty in order to save herself from being expelled for a milder infraction. The frat is demoted and loses their rights to host parties, and the girls are subsequently blacklisted from all frat parties. To me, this seemed an eminently teachable moment in the show about not buckling under pressure when confronting oppressive abuse of authority. The girls have exposed something unseemly about the powers that be, and said powers are attempting to retaliate. This is something that happens in real life, all of the time, especially when the powers that be are, like the frats, wielding social and sexual power.

Do the girls find different ways to build community on campus? Do they tell the increasingly annoying frat bros to fuck off, let them stew in their own vitriol, and grow by opening up their social life to other avenues? All it takes is one failed party for them to go running back in search of penance. In the end, what gets them back into the frats’ good graces is by emceeing a strip show to raise funds for "something Essex cares about, like climate change." The dean of students, apparently a feminist "who marched," attempts to shut it down until she learns how much money they’ve raised from students (including a surprising amount of lesbians coming to watch frat bros gyrate). This again is clearly a joke about the cynical activism and charity that frats and universities in general try their hands at when they want to score brownie points. Personally, I think an apparently avowed feminist surrendering her principles for a moderate sum of money is not as funny as it is sad, and precisely the type of thing that should be pointed out and not framed as a gag, but, being a joke, this is not a morally ambiguous moment.

At the same time, the cynicism displayed by the girls for making the entire thing happen goes under the radar. In organizing the strip show, the girls resort to making the patriarchal system work at least for themselves if they can’t (or don't want to) right its wrongs. This validates the frats' continued existence in the show, and the girls continue to go to their parties (unironically). I have to assume that the writers do not think there is anything really wrong with this since they don't address it it any way. They are quick to point out and are right to be unambiguous about how wrong it was for Ryan to sexually abuse Bela, and for Eric to dig his head in the sand upon hearing about it. But they do not assert themselves so confidently when the girls are the ones objectifying men, using sex as a means to gain social status and stay in the good graces of a male-centered community that couldn't care less about them. Does the fact that now they are the ones treating sex with the same cynicism as the men around them suddenly make everything okay? 

III: A New Guide to Sex in the 21st Century/Leighton

When the thought about sexual cynicism on the preceding line occurred to me, I thought it would be interesting to try these ideas out in conversation of Louise Perry's thought-provoking and controversial book, The Case Against the Sexual Revolution: A New Guide to Sex in The 21st Century. The thesis of this work is that identifying sexual liberation with libidinous, hypersexualized ideas around dating and sex benefits men and harms women. When more dating apps than you or I could name encourage us to have more frequent and more excessive sex, women often end up having to "accommodate the excesses of male lust" just as they did in the past despite the vast efforts of feminists to equalize sex.

The excesses of male lust are exactly what some of the male characters assume the girls will tolerate throughout the first season of the show.  Nico cheats on his girlfriend with Kimberly and sort of just thinks it will all be papered over. Dalton goes from college to college having sex with players on the teams he coaches. Ryan uses his position as one of the editors on the Catullan to sexually harass untold numbers of female first-years, including Bela and Carla, and clearly expect to get away with it.

While we may have been treated to more sympathetic accounts of philandering men in the media of old, this show condemns forthright the male characters’ sexual exploitation of younger and less powerful girls. What we see happen to these men is something that is sorely missing from some real-life instances of assault which continue to persist: those who are found to transgress are expelled, fired, punished. That this, and no less, is what we have come to expect, that we have no tolerance for such abuses of power and sexuality, is one of the great achievements of feminist movements like the sexual revolution in updating the social consciousness to be more alert towards mistreatment.

This movement rose against a backdrop of social attitudes around sex and relationships that authorized men to have reckless sex with women who then had to bear the consequences. On a societal level, sex simply didn’t mean as much for men as it did for women. Men had the power to make of a sexual relationship what they wanted, to invest it with significance or abandon it at a moment’s notice. At the center of it was, to use a precarious word, wanton pleasure. Not only did women suffer the emotional damage from being treated as less-than-equal sexual and romantic partners, they also were often blamed for contracting sexually transmitted illnesses, or for having unwanted pregnancies. Not only did they suffer physical and emotional harm, they, more than most men, had to face the social stigma accompanying it.  

The invention of the birth control pill opened the door for all of this to change. The pill was a reliable and convenient method of contraception and made it possible for women to have lower-risk sex. Condoms are more effective but they can be taken off during sex without the other party's knowledge, and some men obstinately refuse to wear them. The pill, on the other hand, allows women to take some degree of contraceptive control. Women could enter into sexual relationships without the existential threat of unwanted pregnancies, and attitudes around what kind of sexual behavior was ‘proper’ for women began to change as well.

In the course of all this, Perry says, there emerged a train of thought that it was sexually liberating for women to have sex the same way that men did. Men had the sexual power because societal factors made it possible for them to have meaningless sex, whereas women simply couldn’t. They had no choice but to invest themselves into each relationship. If this fact was at least in part related to the sexual repression of women, it may have seemed that simply refraining from doing so and assuming the same attitudes that men did would be freeing. 

In the end, it is up to the individual to decide what makes them feel liberated. And of course neither I nor Perry are about to say that women, or anyone, should refrain from having casual sex on principle and not out of a personal desire to. On the other hand, just because women are also encouraged not to care about sex will obviously not make men, or anyone, care any more. It’s not clear to me how further divesting sex of its meaning as personal connection and emotional bond will help us reimagine it in a way where everyone who partakes is on equal footing. I find Perry's claim that this approach has lead to us being at once hypersexualized and desensitized to sex as our media, dating apps, and other customs, still prioritize male sexual desire much more plausible.

Let’s take a look at Leighton’s arc now. She struggles with coming out during the first season as she fears her sexuality will come to define her if she does. When her girlfriend, Alicia, forces an ultimatum, she lets the relationship end instead of going public. This trajectory is really compelling to me because Leighton’s reasons for not wanting to come out are, in my reading, different from the ones she states. Our sexuality only defines us if we let it, if we want it to. Leighton could come out and continue her non-sexual life more or less the same way she has up to that point. Her conviction in fact points to how she views other gay people as substituting their sexuality for a personality. I think she is echoing a perspective on gay people that is probably common in her family environment, and more generally, her social and political class. She has internalized this homophobia (it is one step away from saying that 'the gays only do it for the attention') and this creates a tension between wanting to be her authentic self and at the same time feeling it to be inauthentic, or worse, feeling ashamed of its authenticity.

Leighton even sleeps with a guy from her brother’s frat that he ‘set her up with’ in a weird, incestuous arranged-marriage sequence, which is representative of the strength and pervasiveness of the heteronormative pressures she feels she must succumb to. Despite the fact that she’s gay, even Leighton has to "accommodate the excesses of male desire." It is such a revelation, then, when she comes out to her roommates and then to the Essex community at large. What follows, though, is an episode that equates libido and excessive sex with sexual freedom in the way that Perry warns us about. It is a whirlwind tour of sex during which she apparently sleeps with most of the gay women at the university, eventually contracting and passing on chlamydia to some of her unenumerable lovers.

Leighton’s girlfriends are clearly upset with her because she goes through them at a rate of about one per minute, which is played for a joke about how small and ‘tight-knit’ the lesbian community at Essex is and is otherwise not commented on. All in all, this part of her arc is seen as "[a young woman] unapologetically taking control of her sexuality," as was articulated in an interview with Salon. I see where this interpretation comes from and I do not think it is necessarily misguided. I nevertheless feel uneasy about the fact that sexual liberation for Leighton, the chance for her to love authentically, means that she essentially starts hooking up like a frat bro, without caring for the emotional fallout or the physical consequences. 

Again, I’m not going to judge anyone for hooking up a lot, and it’s true that STI-s like chlamydia are nowhere near as big a deal as they were a few decades ago, where social attitudes towards these illnesses can still sometimes be seen to linger. But in the interview linked above, the actresses speak a lot about the representational content of the show. This is why I feel it less-than-optimal to include this version of a sexual liberation arc. Rapp stresses that her and Leighton’s experiences are one of many and that it is important to see that diversity represented on screen as well. Fair enough, but that is not an out for the writers to depict problematic sexual behavior without any indication that they are aware of what they are doing.

IV: Bela/Conclusion

Bela’s story at Essex is perhaps the most harrowing one because of the multiple instances of sexual assault. She comes to college looking for fulfilling and fun sexual experiences, and this is what she is met with instead. As I’ve said before, I like the way the aftermath of these incidents is handled and I appreciate that Bela is shown to be capable of overcoming the trauma they caused. All things considered, though, she, among all the girls, is dealt the worst hand. The way Bela was introduced to sex is as a form of abuse. Her ambitions as a comedy writer got tied up in a corrosive knot with the violations she could expect to have to weather in order to achieve her goals. I was really happy to see her dating Eric because their relationship has a sense of playful competitiveness to it that could unwind the knot and give Bela space to see that sex and comedy do not have to conspire to destroy her.

In a plot development that is as realistic as the nature and depiction of the abuses directed at her, Bela tries sleeping with a famous Essex comedian alum in order to secure an internship with him. As she did when she organized the strip show to get back into frat parties, Bela is consciously playing into the hands of the same toxic sexual system that has treated her poorly in order to get ahead. However, I don’t take issue with this in the way I expressed before, because I think this will come back later in the season and force Bela to have to reckon with her behavior. In other words, I don’t see the writers giving their blessing over Bela’s behavior like they did when she purposefully bought a child-sized shirt to exaggerate her breasts to get into a frat party, for example. I’m definitely not going to argue that Bela sleeping with Dan to get an internship is anything like what Ryan did to her. Yet I can see how her disillusionment with sex at the hands of Ryan led her to treat sex in a callous way that led her to see it as a tool to gain power. I just hope that the writers give her another chance to untie the corrosive knot.

I mentioned at the top of this essay that I thought it would give the wrong idea about sex to people in or about to enter college. College students have to achieve more and more just to make the cut as they feel more isolated, stressed, and depressed. Pushing people to have sex is an ages-old form of peer-pressure, but it's being presented as feminist, as sexual freedom. There is not one character on the show that simply doesn't feel ready for sex or hasn't had at least four sexual encounters before Thanksgiving break of their freshman year! I wouldn't want the same endlessly overworked college students to think that, on top of all of they have to do, frequent sex of the mechanical kind also needs to be on their to-do list, that this is how they really own their sexuality.

This show is not unrealistic. It has quite a few teachable moments about sex and other aspects of college life where the writers hit the nail on the head. It's not Euphoria. The stories it tells about sex feel real and relatable, which is part of the reason I feel they are playing fast and loose with their ethics. At the same time, I'm very aware that the show is still being written and developed as of this writing, and things may change.

I just hope that viewers don’t think that their two options are either being lonely outcasts condemned to a sexless existence or entering into treacherous engagement with fraternities, sororities, and other forms of the patriarchal and sexist side of college. In fact, I hope viewers don’t think that having a sex life at all is an integral part to being in college. Re-investing sex with meaning almost surely necessitates having less of it, and that is not altogether a bad thing.

[concealeddarkness13]

WHG 15 Imposter Syndrome Part 6

4,600 words of collaboration and training! I’m sorry for how long this is. Tagging: @sparkles-and-hens, @knmartinshouldbewriting (also, thanks for RJ!), @maple-writes (also thanks for Volt!), @pen-of-roses (also, thanks for Reine and Aleksis!), @thoughts-of-nora (also thanks for Syl!), and @ratracechronicler (also thanks for Atwater!)!

For the first day of training, I just observed all of the other tributes to see who might be willing to listen. It certainly wasn’t because I felt a little worried about the plan. No way.

My mind kept going through ideas of how to make the plan better, or even make the plan have a back-up plan. But I couldn’t think of anything. And I was just going in circles. I couldn’t even sleep that night.

I jumped out of bed and started pacing. How was I going to save all these people? My plan was tenuous, at best. What if the Capitol figured out about it anyway, and Shine wasn’t able to save us? Would they all die because of me?

I hissed out a breath, and I opened the door to my room silently. I had to get out, clear my head, and just screw with the Capitol.

The best way to do that: go steal a hat or something from a dumb Capitol person. And I knew just the one. District 9’s escort didn’t exactly have a hat, but he had to have something fun to steal in that over-the-top wardrobe.

In my preparations for the plan, I had figured out the codes for the elevators in the training building, so I was able to access the elevator and head down to the District 9 apartment. Going through the front door probably wasn’t the smartest idea, but no one should be up at this time, or expecting this.

The lights were off when I got to their apartment, and I grinned. The designated room for the escort was at the back, so I snuck back there. There weren’t any sounds in the apartment, so they should all be asleep.

And right when I thought that, the elevator door opened again, and two people walked in. How? Did they know the codes too? And I was in plain sight. I froze as their eyes landed on me.

The one in front stepped in front of the other one quickly. They were wearing dark clothes, and the one in the back was holding a bag. Hopefully not Peacekeepers.

I shrunk down and looked around to see if there were any escape routes. None, of course, except the elevator behind them. “I’m sorry. I’ll just leave now, if that’s okay.”

The person in front relaxed and said something I didn’t understand. The person behind her turned on the lights. Oh. Reine, one of the tributes. And a stranger. Reine turned back to me, crossing her arms. “More concerned with how you got in. District 10, right?”

I didn’t trust my voice, so I just nodded. Man, how incompetent was I? I couldn’t even go steal anymore without getting caught.

“Remind me to work with you on your interpersonal skills if this plan of ours is ever going to work,” the man said, heading to the kitchen. “She’s all bark, really, well. Usually anyway. We won’t report you or anything if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“Be kind of idiotic when you saw our secret as well,” Reine cut in. She sat down and put her feet up. “If you tell me why you learned the codes here, I’ll give you whatever you came here for. Unless it’s to kill us.”

Were they lying? Well, I had caught them sneaking out too, so there was no reason to think they would report me. Fine. Rolling with it, it was. I sat down too and smiled. “Honestly, I figured out the codes to the elevator so I could screw with the Capitol in any way I could. I came here because your escort has a gaudy wardrobe, and I wanted to steal from him.”

Reine watched me for a little bit before she grinned. “Well, pirate, I think we’re going to get along just fine. Unless the clothes you keep finding yourself in are just for show? And trust me, I will gladly let, no help you steal as much as you want from him.”

“Oh gods there’s two of you.” The man sat down across from us. “No, no this could work. How far would you be willing to go to mess with the Capitol?” Pause. “Oh, where are my manners? I am Aleksis Arkender, at your service.”

I nodded. “Triel Reeves. And I already have a plan to help as many tributes as possible to escape from the arena. So, I’d say I’m willing to go pretty far.”

They exchanged a glance and talked in that strange language for a little bit before Reine turned to me. “You’re not lying are you? That’s a pretty big claim.”

“And a pretty big coincidence,” he added.

I sucked in a breath. “I’m not lying. And I know my plan sounds stupid, but I’m going to help as many tributes escape as possible. I have an airship, and my engineer has made machines that can help us avoid detection.”

“Don’t misunderstand us,” Aleksis said. “We don’t think your plan is stupid, we think our paths just happened to align at the same time. Call it—”

“Don’t you dare,” Reine cut in. “What he’s trying to say is that we were planning the same. Well, not exactly the same, but to escape.”

This was perfect! I wasn’t the only one trying an escape, and they probably had a better plan. “Really? What’s your plan? Do you think we could work together?”

“I definitely think we can and should work together. If you really have a ship that already secures one part. Their forcefields aren’t quite as great as they like to pretend, there’s easily exploitable weaknesses if you know where to look, though that will take both someone inside the arena, and at least one person on the outside who can find a way into the control room.” Reine sat up now as she got into the details.

“Or access someone with that access,” Aleksis said.

“Right, well we don’t have to detail all of that, Allie. Anyway, we’ll need to get as many people on board with the plan as possible. We can only have access for a limited time once it starts. And there is one problem of not communication with the outside once we’re in.”

I smiled. Thanks, Shine. “Well, I might be able to help with the forcefield. I got blueprints for the arena for this year, and that included the forcefield, and my engineer has been working on a machine to disrupt the forcefield. And I have no answer for contacting when we’re inside the arena. I’m not even contacting my people now because of the possibility of the Capitol figuring out my plan.”

“I can slip in and out of here without much notice if you did need to get them a message, or Conor could, for the right price,” Aleksis said.

“Being able to cause more chaos would probably be enough for him,” Reine added.

“Right. And I will be able to get messages to you in the Games through the…oh what are they, floating packages, gifts.”

“See I’m not the only one who struggles with it!” Reine looked oddly gleeful at that.

I grinned, though. I wasn’t alone! And I could talk to my crew if necessary. “That’s perfect! Thank you!” That sounded like a good talk for now, so, back to business. I grinned wider. “Is there anything else you want to discuss, or could we go steal from that escort now?”

She smiled and stood up. “After you. And please, take as much as you like.”

*

Armed with a new confidence and new allies, I strode into the training hall early to look for potential allies. But I didn’t want to be too obvious. So, I went over to one of the survival stations and watched the other tributes out of the corner of my eye.

And the tribute at the agility stations caught my eye. RJ. She was going through them, but then she fell badly, and tried to cover it up with a loud comment.

Mood. I walked over with a smile and held out my hand to help her up. “Be careful. Don’t want to get hurt before the Games.”

She laughed and took my hand, standing up. “Thanks, but I don’t get hurt that easily.”

Time to probe a little. “I’d hope not for someone who volunteered for the Games. What were you thinking when the words left your mouth? Were you looking for glory?”

She shrugged. “Glory is overrated. I just felt the need to do something. I’m not one that likes to just sit and watch.”

Perfect. I crossed my arms, and my smile turned into a smirk. “Well, how would you like to do more? Me and another tribute are planning an escape, where we get out as many tributes as possible. We could use someone like you.”

She blinked, her eyes wide. “You’re kidding.”

I shook my head. “Nope. I have an airship and an engineer who’s great at making machines against all the Capitol’s eyes, and they have someone on the outside who can keep us supplied and alive until we can escape. It’s no joke. It’ll work.”

RJ hesitated, but then she laughed. “Alright. This could blow up horribly in our faces, but I’m in.”

I grinned. Perfect! “Hey, what’s a little mischief without risk involved?” I held out my hand for her to shake. “I’m glad to have you.”

She shook my hand. “Glad to be a part of this. Just let me know what I can do to help.”

“The first thing you can do is recruit as many tributes as you can. It would be much appreciated.”

“I’ll do my best. It should be easy, right?”

I shrugged. Volt and Atwater had been skeptical, so it wasn’t super easy. “Some of them don’t exactly believe it’s possible, so they’re harder to recruit, but I’m in the business of doing the impossible, so I’ll take those chances.” I turned to leave, already scanning for other tributes. “Thanks! And see you soon!”

*

After the lunch break, my eyes found Syl, who was throwing knives. They had a deadly aim. They would be awesome to recruit! I walked over with a big smile. “Hi! It’s a lovely day, isn’t it?”

“Uh, sure.” Syl spared me a glance before they turned back to their knives. “Who are you?”

“Triel Reeves. I’d tip my hat to you, but we aren’t allowed hats in the training arena. Believe me, I tried on the first day.” I watched them throw a knife right into the center of a target. “You’ve certainly got the spirit to match the fire in your eyes at your Reaping, but do you really want to be in this death match?”

“Do any of us really have a choice?” They sighed, biting their lip. They threw another knife. “I don’t want to kill, unless I have to. And I don’t wanna die, so…”

“A tough decision.” I paused watching another knife throw. Good enough time to ask. “But maybe you don’t have to make that choice. Would you be interested?”

They paused and looked over at me incredulously. “You’re joking, or trying to trick me.”

I shook my head. “I’ve teamed up with another tribute, and we’ve combined our individual escape plans into something better. We want to get as many tributes out of the arena as possible.”

They narrowed their eyes. “No price? Just wanna get us out of there? Out of your own goodwill?” Good point. They scoffed. “If this was real, then I might come. But I barely know your name. How can I trust you?”

I grinned as the darker emotions behind my plan came to the surface. “If this is more believable, I want to rescue tributes not just because I want to save lives. I also want the Capitol to burn for all the lives they’ve ruined. But, I’ll settle for making them sweat right now. If we can pull this off, they’ll know they’re not as all-powerful as they think.”

A grin flashed across their lips. “Pull one over on them.” They twirled a knife in their hand. “I like this plan. But, fair warning, if I find out that this is a trick, I will hunt you down.” They threw the knife, and it hit the center of the target. “If this is real, then I’m definitely in.”

Now, that was sexy. I nodded. “I don’t doubt you could skewer me in a second,” I said in a low, flirty voice. I held out my hand for them to shake, and changed back to my normal voice. “Thank you for trusting me on this. You won’t be disappointed. If there’s any way, could you recruit some other tributes for the plan?”

Syl put down their knife and shook my hand, their eyes glittering. “I can try to recruit. I look forward to it. Beating the Capitol at their own game.”

I grinned. “The best of plans. I look forward to working with you.”

“Back at you.” They smiled and turned away. “See you later.”

I nodded and walked off. It was going well so far.

*

That night, I thought more about the plan. Now that I had more people who also had a plan, it wasn’t all on me, but…

They had a plan. They knew what they were doing. So, if this failed, it was my fault. So, I had to make sure everything went right. So, it actually still was all on me.

Which meant that I had to get it off my mind, or I would obsess about it the whole time. Which meant that I had to screw with a Capitol person, namely the Peacekeeper I bumped into the on the second day of training who had interesting knick-knacks in his pockets. He had snapped at me to pay attention.

No worries. I would pay close attention to him. After I got a team together. And who better than the tribute who swore like a pirate when he was chosen?

I put on my best smile and approached Atwater as he was not doing anything (at least how I saw it). “Sooo, I have a proposition for you. I want to screw with a Peacekeeper, and I bet you’re a good thief. Would you want to steal from a Peacekeeper while I talk him to death?”

“I don’t grave rob as a rule,” he said pleasantly, “and I resent that accusation. Also, Peacekeepers don’t tend to carry much I find worth stealing.”

I thumbed over my shoulder at the Peacekeeper I dubbed Steve. He was snapping at other tributes who weren’t even doing anything wrong. “Steve over there would like to say otherwise. I got a sneak peek at his pockets, and he has a wealth of valuable knick-knacks. Probably from the people in the district he terrorizes.” Pause. “And I bet you can steal the hat off his head.”

“I guess I’ll give it a shot.” He looked around at the crowded training center. “What’s your plan for killing the witnesses?”

Oh, I liked him. I laughed. “You assume anyone’s even going to see it. Just stalk him while I lead him on.” I winked.

“You have a problem with that eye. You might want to get it checked out at some point.” And he sounded completely serious. He left to go hide and get ready to steal. I snorted. Perfect. Time to get started.

I ran up in the fakest run I could muster, and I stopped in front of Steve and pretended to be out of breath. After I “caught my breath”, I finally spoke. “Sir, I need your help. You’re the only one who can help.”

He looked me up and down and smirked. Never underestimate the power of the pretend sexy. “What do you need?”

“I-I have no idea how to shoot a gun, but I’m embarrassed about the idea of someone seeing me. Could we go somewhere…more private? I can tell how helpful you are, walking among the tributes. Please.” He smirked wider and let me lead him down the hallway that led to a smaller, locked training area. And he didn’t even question how I knew about this.

He just unlocked it for me, and I leaned against the door with a sexy wiggle of my eyebrows to keep his attention on me as Atwater snuck in. I laughed. “So, would I be able to try your gun?”

He laughed and walked toward me, looking like he certainly wasn’t thinking about showing me how to shoot, but I slipped toward him and snatched his gun before he could get too close. Atwater had stolen something as he slipped through the door. I held the gun backwards and held a stupid pose. “Is this how you hold it?”

He walked toward me again and almost put his arms around me to show me how to hold it (sure), but I interrupted, cocking my head as I stared at the gun. “Wait, actually, did I say gun? I meant bows and arrows. Crap. I’m sorry. Do you have any of that here? Or should we go find some?” He stared at me and opened his mouth a few times without saying anything. Good.

But he started walking again, and I stayed close to him as Atwater snuck forward again, looking like he was about to grab something. I batted my eyeslashes at him to keep him distracted, but then as we were walking through the door, Atwater slipped and was about to fall, and I spoke up to cover it.

“Yeah, guns are so boring. Bows and arrows just scream protagonist, don’t you think?” Volt had appeared out of nowhere, now holding the Peacekeeper’s gun and keeping Atwater from falling. Aw. She did care. “But then I think that knives might suit me better. What do you think?”

He laughed. This dude was a dumbass. “Maybe hand-to-hand? I could teach you.”

Sure you could. You probably suck at fighting. I laughed. “What? But not having a weapon is boring. Let’s go check out the knives!” Now Volt was sneaking after us too. Awesome!

When we got back to the main training area, he started walking over to the knives, but I gasped and grabbed his arm (he was so dumb that he didn’t even complain), pointing over to the flails. I grinned. “I’ve got to try those! I bet you know all about them! I want to see your moves.” He let me drag him along as everyone else pointedly ignored us. But he looked a little more nervous. He probably didn’t know anything about flails.

Atwater slipped forward again, so I kept leading him to the flails, and I picked one up, pretending like it was heavier than it actually was. I laughed. “Wow, this is so heavy! Could you show me how it’s done?”

I had to stop myself from laughing when Atwater slipped Steve’s hat off his head without him noticing. Brilliant! After Atwater had slipped away, I finally handed the flail to Steve, and he tried to brandish it while he stumbled. Not very impressive.

“Fisker!” I suppressed a laugh as his commanding officer stomped up and tore the flail from his hands, showing off a much better knowledge of flails than Steve. “What the hell are you doing? You shouldn’t be touching the weapons, especially when you clearly have no idea how to use them!”

He stuttered and glanced over at me, but I just gave the commanding officer an innocent smile. “Do I have to stay around here? I’m just a clueless tribute, and this Peacekeeper decided to cut in front of me when I was trying to practice.”

He nodded as I could feel Steve’s eyes burning holes into me. “Of course. Continue training.” He turned back to Steve as I walked off. “And where is the rest of your uniform, Fisker? Leave right now, and I better not see you without your hat or gun again!”

I couldn’t stop myself from laughing once I was out of sight, and I finally caught up with Volt and Atwater in a secluded corner. I grinned at them. “Now, that was awesome! You just lifted his hat off his head, and he didn’t even notice! Highlight of my week!”

Atwater offered the hat. “Would you like it?”

I took it, turned it inside out so it wasn’t so easily recognizable, and put it on my head. “Why not? It’s not like he can admit that a little nobody from District 10 got the better of him. Thanks for that. I needed to cause some mischief.” I turned over to Volt and her newly acquired gun. “And thanks for your help. I thought you would just roll your eyes if you heard my proposal.”

“Oh, trust me, I did.” She shook her head. “You could have been in a world of trouble if that Peacekeeper had any idea what he was doing.”

I winked. “That’s why I made sure to pick the stupidest one out there.”

“And by what metric did you pick your accomplices?” Atwater muttered.

“The smartest ones, of course!”

“I’ll suspend my belief on that for now.” Volt turned to glance at Hugo, turning some ammunition over in her hand. “Good work, by the way.”

“Yeah, well, for the most part, anyway. Thanks for saving my ass,” he grumbled. “Sorry about that.”

“Don’t mention it.” She tucked the gun and ammunition away. “Nothing ever goes off without a hitch anyway. Just don’t get cocky.” She eyed me too. “Both of you.”

I smiled innocently. “When could I ever get cocky?” Obvious sarcasm. “Anyway, we make a great team! So, we should stick together.”

“Joy,” Atwater said flatly.

Rude. I snorted. “C’mon, I’m not that awful, am I?”

“Doesn’t matter. As a teenage boy, I’m contractually obligated to not like people as much as possible.” He paused for a while. “That means no.”

Yay! Bonding! I grinned. “Then we’ll certainly find each other in the arena.” I held out my hand for a handshake.

Volt didn’t agree with the handshake. “Not making any promises, but we’ll see.”

Hugo did agree with the handshake! “I am going to start charging you by the handshake.”

I laughed. “That’s good enough for me.” I headed off on a somewhat high note. At least I had been able to take my mind off the plan for a little bit, and I had (kind of?) made friends!

*

The night before the interview, I couldn’t sleep. Even distracting myself during training today hadn’t helped in the long run, but I had made some friends. I was just feeling stressed out.

I shot up when I heard noises from the room beside me. Nesri was there, and it sounded like she was crying. Shit. She must have had a nightmare again.

I snuck out of my room and carefully opened Nesri’s door. Her head popped up from where she was sitting, and she scrambled for her pillow, where she kept a knife. I closed the door quickly and held up my hands as she pointed her knife at me. “It’s just me, Nesri.”

She sucked in a breath and nodded, lowering her knife. “I’m fine. You don’t need to bother with me.”

“Sure.” I walked forward, and she didn’t tense. That was a good sign. “Was it a nightmare?” She nodded, and I got close enough to take her free hand in mine. “You don’t need to be alone right now. I can sleep next to you, if that will make you feel better.”

She looked up at me, scrutinizing eyes staring into mine. After a pause, she nodded. “That would be nice.”

We settled into bed together, and I wrapped my arms around her. She tensed for a little bit, but then she relaxed, and it only took a few minutes for her to fall asleep. I just closed my eyes. I wouldn’t be able to sleep.

What was I going to do? How could I keep her safe from being taken when I was in the arena? Would I see her again, or would the Shades take her? Was I dooming her by going into the arena?

Before I could spiral too much, however, the elevator door closed quietly, but not quietly enough to hear through the paper thin walls. Luckily, the escort hadn’t been awake the first night when I had stolen from him. I frowned and got up, and Nesri jumped awake.

She stared at me. “What is it?”

“The elevator closed.” She flinched, and her breathing quickened. “I’m going to check it out. Don’t leave.”

I slipped out of Nesri’s room to see Spectra arguing with Churi, the Shade that had tormented Nesri the most. Shit. He had long, silver hair pulled back in a ponytail and bright red eyes. He looked over at me as I walked up, forcing myself to look as confident as I could.

Spectra frowned at me. “You should be resting. Tomorrow is a big day.”

I smiled as pleasantly as I could at Churi, though I couldn’t promise there wasn’t a little bit of darkness there too. “It’s a little hard when someone decides to interrupt our sleep overnight. Is there anything I can help you with?” I would gladly strangle you if that would do any good.

He smirked back at me. “You should listen to your escort and go back to sleep.” He had that slimy, oily kind of voice that made me want to punch him in the face, if that would do any good.

I crossed my arms. “No, I think I’m entitled to know why someone has disrupted my sleep. Please, continue. Pretend I’m not here.”

He turned on me even more, looking me up and down. “I guess I could let you know. It’s not like you can change my mind. I’m here to bring your mentor to a separate building to have a chat with her.”

Shit. He was planning on taking her now. I puffed up. “No! I need her! You can’t take her. You’ll be interfering with the Capitol’s precious Hunger Games. I can’t imagine that they’ll be happy with that. I still need to discuss my strategy.”

He laughed. “I think they would excuse that. Didn’t you say that you were going to win when you volunteered? Where did that confidence go?”

I unconsciously grasped my necklace as I glared at him. “Confidence comes when you’ve prepared. I had prepared as well as I could before the Games, but there are still preparations I need to do now.”

His eyes flickered down to my necklace, and he frowned. Double shit. He cocked his head and held up my necklace to examine it closer. A tiny red crystal heart. He smirked. “That’s a lovely necklace. I’m sure you treasure it.” I swallowed hard as he turned to Spectra. “This one’s arguments have changed my mind. I will be back in the future to have a chat with Nesri.” He nodded at me, and he left in the elevator.

Spectra frowned over at me, but I just turned away and walked back into Nesri’s room. I didn’t want her to ask any questions. Nesri looked up from where she was sitting hunched on the bed. “What happened?”

I forced a smile. “I scared him off. He’s not going to take you.”

Nesri sighed and lay back down. I wrapped my arms around her again, but I certainly wouldn’t be able to sleep now. Churi probably suspected my secret. And that wasn’t good.

[hiro-gari]

Been feeling temporarily okay and calmed down after feeling totally not-okay for 3 days straight, I brought this concept idea to you:

What if we have Batarou AU where Garou is a hacker who breaks some company's system or network, and Badd could be either the company's worker or a detective who has been sent by the company to catch Garou?

I thought about this because I think Garou nailed the "cunning and intelligent nerd" charisma and it would be awesome if he used his nerdy skill as a hacker.

Many people, especially the ones among the company (imagine it's an equal for Hero Association in this AU), would say that Garou is a black-hat hacker or malicious cracker. When in fact, actually Garou just a grey-hat hacker who likes to hack for fun or to troll.

Garou would try to discover a company's network vulnerability and messed with them, but he didn't have cruel intention. It's just his hobby, or maybe because he was trying to satisfy his curiosity about some valuable data from networks users and he tested their computer security.

Imagine if Badd and Garou are neighbours, and Badd is completely unaware if Garou was the one who hacked the company's network after all this time. He thought Garou is just, the unbelievable handsome nerdy bastard who lives next door and always being very flirtateous to him at any chance.

Of course Garou had already aware Badd was searching for the culprit, but it amused Garou that the cute grumpy man haven't consider him as that.

Imagine if Badd asked for Child Emperor's help to find the "WhiteWolf" hacker, but always being outsmarted by Garou.

Things got more serious when there's actual black-hats/crackers who breaks into the company's network security, stealing their valuable data and exploit it for the cracker's personal gain. I think this crackers would be an equal for Monster Association in this AU, under Psykos' order who is the genius black-hat hacker and mastermind.

Garou is the first one who realized this, as he accidentally found out about their existence with those malicious intents during his hacking time. He was in the middle of trying to search more information about this black-hat hacker, when Badd finally caught Garou red-handed. It was a mistake that Garou once invited Badd into his house, then maybe Badd has been observing the house interior and find some clue that Garou is currently working as a hacker.

After the whole misunderstanding, Garou admitted to Badd that it was him who had been breaking into the company's system, but he also cleared up that it wasn't him who destroyed or stole their data. It has been done by other people and Garou was trying to find them out. If Badd didn't report or caught him, Garou would help the company on free will, for the sake of Badd. In the end of negotiation, Badd was trying to cooperate with Garou without telling their little secret to his company.

Long short story, the "MA" hackers and its leader have been arrested for their crime. On the other hand, eventhough Badd kept the secret about Garou's status, someone from the company found out about it. Yet the company execs didn't report Garou and turned him in to the authority, instead he was hired as their white-hat hackers to keep the company's network security.

Now for the next, maybe a rival company (which could be an equal for Neo Heroes in this AU) has been trying to spy, doing surveillance, and stealing the company's valuable data? Garou is trying to protect the company using his hacking skill and Badd is trying to investigate the rival company?

-------------------------

I should put a disclaimer that I don't have any good knowledge about hacker and hacking at all, so I'm so sorry if there are many mistakes or innacuracy in this writing waaah 😅🙏💦

Anyways, this is another random headcanon that I've got from trying to distract myself from my depression. I hope you enjoyed this silly writing.. If somebody want to use this AU, I would offered it to you wholeheartedly! At least it would be on the good hands than me.. 👀😳👉👈

Hope you guys have a nice day! And also thank you for your support, Lilia. Love you all~ 😭😚👍💕💞💖💝🌸💐

-Little1993lamb-

--------------------------

~Lilia:

AHH HELLO 💕💖 Dude I love this modernAU! It actually fits them really well plus yk nerdy Garou always gets bonus points from me heh 😅, especially how Garou’s more using his ability for the hell of it, but also to prove that those guys aren’t as big and untouchable as they seem (that’s pretty much him in canon!) I love his code name too btw oh my gosh 😭 I really like the bit of role reversal tho, this time Badd’s hunting him 😤

Thank youu anon this was very intriguing, glad to see you’re writing again as well! 💕 Hope you are doing well, we love you 😘 ❤️💕💗

[logansanderslove]

Logan 3.0  (9/?)

CO-AUTHOR: @demented-dukey

Summary: Remus is an incorrigible flirt, and Logan can only bear the innuendo for so long until something has to give. Passions erupt, but there are more lasting repercussions than either could have predicted, including a significant transformation to Logan himself! How will these new changes affect the delicate balance of Thomas’s mental state? When a new dark side threatens the lives of several of the other sides, will Logan and Remus’s love be strong enough to save everyone, including Thomas?

Ships: INTRULOGICAL

Sanders Sides: Logan, Remus, Thomas, Roman, Virgil, Patton, Deceit

Fic type: Drama, Romantic, Action, Flirty

Trigger Warnings: no character deaths, but a lot of very close calls. Consensual knife play and blood play, and lots of bloody fighting and monster attacks. If you’re sensitive to unsympathetic characters, some parts flirt pretty close to that, but there’s also a lot of extenuating circumstances to explain the situation, and there’s a happy ending once you get through the angst and misunderstandings. Self-harm and references to such, and suicidal tendencies.

MASTERLIST

Chapter 9: Into The Unknown

Roman awoke to Patton frantically shaking him awake, “Ro? Ro! Logan’s gone! I went to his room to check on him this morning, and he wasn’t there!”

“Hmm? Wha?” Roman blinked groggily. He looked across the room to his couch, where Logan was beginning to stir. “He’s... there,” said Roman, gesturing vaguely in the right direction.

Patton followed the gesture, “Oh! Logan! There you are! I got so worried when I couldn’t find you, and I was afraid you’d already gone into the subconscious alone! I thought I was too late.” He noticed Roman’s pile of weapons against the wall, and set a wrapped bundle down next to them. “I figured you guys might be headed into the subconscious today, so I got up early and packed some food for you. There’s some snacks for Remus too, if… when… you find him.”

Roman smiled. "Thanks, Pat. You're the best." He said, then he glanced over at Logan with a sigh. "We have to find Remus, Pat. I don't know what it'll do to Logan if we don't." He then shrugged. "But we're ready for what the Subconscious has to offer."

Patton nodded, then glanced over at Logan, who was still asleep. He raised his eyebrow. "Is he wearing boots? And a ripped shirt? What happened to our spiffy Logic?" Patton asked, and Roman stretched with a groan. 

"He's not just Logic anymore, Patton. He's also Anger. But more than that, he's hurt and he's determined. And as Neutral side, he’s a complete badass now."

Patton sighed. "Yeah, I know. I just hope you guys'll be okay." He said worriedly, but Roman's hand on his shoulder calmed him.

"I'll watch out for him, Pat. Now, I should wake him up so we can get going. Say goodbye to Virge and Dee for us, please?"

Patton nodded. "Of course. Good luck."

He left Roman's room, the Prince then standing up and walking over to the couch, crouching next to Logan. "Hey, Lo. Time to get up."

Logan groaned. "Nghh, Re, I don't wanna get up...." he murmured, bringing a small snicker from Roman.

"I'm not Remus, now wake up." Roman said as he pulled Logan off the couch, the intellectual's eyes shooting open as he hit the floor. He glared up at Roman, then he sighed at Roman's smile.

"Okay, I'm awake. Let's get going."

Arming themselves to face the unknown, Roman lead the way from his room, taking a shortcut through the Imagination and into the Subconscious. Logan shivered as the temperature dropped and the world turned dim. The sky grew overcast and the wind picked up, making his coat flap dramatically.

“I am so in awe of you right now,” Roman admitted, finding it more difficult than he’d predicted to keep his eyes peeled for danger and off of his brother’s suddenly-hot boyfriend. At Logan’s eyebrow raise, Roman hastily said, “Platonic awe, obviously.”

Logan hummed but let it drop. He held a notebook that he’d copied Roman’s childhood maps into, and he made little marks and notations as they walked, confirming their position and updating the chart with any similarities and differences he could pick out from the landscape.

They passed a large lake, the murky water concealing what lay beneath and bubbling ominously in places. “Remus loved this spot.” Roman grinned, waving a hand at the lake. “There’s a kraken or something that he would feed and talk to. I only saw it a couple times, but it was big.”

Logan shivered, grimacing at the rippling water. It wasn’t that long ago that the question of what was really at the bottom of the ocean had been his biggest fear, and he didn’t want to imagine what kind of ghoulish creatures might make this lake their home.

Entering a forested area, Roman paused as a threatening hiss came out of the darkness. “I may have forgotten about the ROUSes,” said Roman, holding his sword and shield at the ready as he scanned the trees.

“Rodents of Unusual Size?” Logan said, tucking the notebook into his shirt and brandishing his sword and dagger. “I don’t think they exist.” he quipped.

Logan was suddenly barreled to the ground by a blur, his sword knocked from his hand. His eyes were wide as he forced back the gnashing teeth of the giant rodent that pinned him down. He turned his head to see Roman fighting off two more, then he felt a pair of teeth sink into his arm. He shouted in pain, grabbing his dagger and plunging it into the ROUS's neck, but not before it slashed a good size gash in his side. Logan pushed the whining body off of him, standing up shakily and grabbing his sword, then he placed his foot on top of the rodent's body and thrust his sword down angrily, then again, a hard breath escaping through his gritted teeth. His narrowed eyes lessened as he stepped back, raising his gaze to a wide eyed Roman. He shrugged wearily. 

"Guess they do exist." He stumbled slightly, barely righting himself as he planted his sword in the ground.

Roman reached out to steady Logan, “You gonna be okay?” Only his experience with fighting the beasts before had allowed him to escape the tousle unscathed, and he was worried about Logan’s wounds.

“Fine,” Logan gritted his teeth and concentrated. The wound in his side healed from an open gash to a thinner, angry scratch - instead of taking the time and energy to heal it completely, Logan decided to save his strength and push onwards.

Roman gave him one more chance to back out, “It’s only gonna get worse from here on out.”

“We need to find Remus.” Logan said, then quietly continued, “I need to find Remus.” Roman nodded, and they trudged deeper into the forest.

As they passed various landmarks, Roman told stories about Remus and their childhood exploits together. Some trees still carried the scars of Remus’s morningstar, while other stumps served as testament to Roman’s swords and axes. Occasionally they would find knives and ninja stars embedded in trees and rocks, rusted over with time.

Logan glanced to the side at Roman. "So, when was the last time you two were here fighting monsters together? I mean, it seems like something you both really enjoyed, and it also seems like something you're both good at." He flipped his dagger around in his hand as he walked, spinning it to keep his ever restless body from twitching. "So, why did you stop?"

“It got harder, as Thomas grew up, to find time to come down here.” Regret filled Roman’s voice as he continued scouting out the land ahead for danger. “The last time we were here together… must’ve been around the early days of Vine. Once Thomas’s videos got popular, he needed me more often to keep creating new content, and I couldn’t seem to find time to get away. A couple of times I tried to make time, y’know, to schedule a vacation, but other things kept coming up and I’d have to cancel, and after a while I stopped trying. What little free time I managed to get was spent in the Imagination creating new dreams for Thomas, and I got so busy I didn’t notice Remus slipping away.”

Logan and Roman were both quiet for a moment, then Logan turned his head. "He still loves you, you know."

Roman's eyes went wide. "Wait, really?" He said with surprise. 

Logan nodded. "Of course. You're his brother. He'd do anything for you. That's why he left. He didn't want to hurt either one of us." He said, his voice cracking a little. He then shook his head. "But we'll find him. I know we will." He said with determination.

Roman nodded, then something far off caught Logan's attention. He heard a slight whisper, and his eyes widened when he heard the voice of his lover. He sprinted off, not even alerting Roman that he had left. Running through the trees as he grew closer to the sound, he whipped his head every which way. 

"Remus!!" He called out. "REMUS!!" His voice was frantic, pained, then a crack behind him made him turn. His eyes went wide with fear, then everything went black.

~

Roman didn’t notice when Logan ran off. He did, however, notice several seconds later when he heard heavy footsteps running up behind him. Whirling around, Roman’s eyes widened as he took in the sight of Deceit racing full-speed towards him. He raised his sword in defense, unsure if this was really Deceit or some monster in disguise preparing to attack him.

He was leaning towards “Real Deceit” when the side in question didn’t slow down, sprinting past him with a disgruntled “Please don’t keep up” tossed over his shoulder.

Roman blinked, shook his head, and took off after Deceit, hot on his heels. It was at this moment he realized they were chasing a black-clad figure with a significant head start. “I didn’t notice him start running.” Roman said, panting as he hefted his sword and shield. Logan had been right - the shield wasn’t really built for speed.

“Obviously,” Dee shot back. Up ahead, the figure was calling out for Remus.

Roman considered leaving his shield behind, but he had a feeling he was going to need it. “Been following us long?”

“Long enough.” Deceit said, “Is Logan trying to get himself killed?”

Roman grunted, “I told him that we should stick together.”

“FUCK,” Deceit stopped in his tracks. He thrust out an arm to stop Roman, who almost didn’t stop in time and nearly got clotheslined. “What is that?”

Up ahead, a creature formed out of the darkness, black smoke condensing into a shape at least ten stories tall. The monster was some horrifying mutant of Godzilla with a scorpion tail and spider legs thrown in for funzies. It was times like these when Roman would have deeply preferred facing down a simple manticore-chimera. “It’s the Nightmare Fuel.” Roman muttered, because of course Logan would run headlong into one of the worst terrors of the subconscious. The day had been going so well after all. “I don’t remember it being that big though, or having that many limbs.”

Deceit shot a terrified look at Roman, who stared grimly back. Roman was just cupping his hands around his mouth to call out a warning when the beast attacked Logan, swiping at him with a massive claw that caused Logan to go flying limply to the ground. He didn’t get back up.

Roman began running again, Deceit fast behind, but it was too late. The fiend picked up Logan and was bounding away faster than the sides could run. Between one blink of the eye and the next, it was gone.

Roman froze, horrified. Deceit was cursing, shaking his head.

"Dammit, dammit DAMMIT!" He growled, then he spun to face Roman, so flustered that his lies disappeared. "Okay. We desperately need to find him. What do you think is going to happen to Logic if he's caged by the Nightmare Fuel? Nothing good. So let's move, and try not to get killed, Roman. I wouldn't exactly enjoy explaining that to Patton." His voice was stern and Roman nodded quickly. He'd never forgive himself if Logan was lost. So he followed Deceit further into the Subconscious in search of the Neutral side.

~

Logan groaned, shifting as he opened his eyes, flinching at the immense pain his entire body was in. He could feel blood running down the side of his head and he glanced around, eyebrow rising at the darkened cavern he appeared to be in. Spinning around, he found he was up against a wall, cold stone like the floor. He let out a hard breath as he put a hand to it.

"Damn..." He muttered.

"Logan!" Thomas’s voice echoed in small space.

Logan bolted to his feet and spun around, drawing his sword instinctively, then his eyes widened when he saw Thomas and the others rush into the cave. He let out a sigh of relief. "Thank Newton, it’s good to see you all."

“Logan!” Patton cried, throwing his arms around the nerdy side. “I was SO AFRAID that we’d lost you! Roman called us as soon as you went missing, and we searched and searched…”

Virgil patted Logan on the shoulder, “I’m just glad we found you, dude. You’re looking a little worse for wear.”

Logan wiped some of the blood away from his face with his sleeve, leaning against Patton gratefully. “I admit, the subconscious has proven to be more hazardous than I anticipated.” He looked at Roman, “I heard Remus’s voice - did you find him?”

Roman shook his head sadly, “No, it wasn’t really his voice - just a trap of the Nightmare Fuel to lure you in.”

“Nightmare Fuel?” Logan gaped, “I thought you said we didn’t want to tussle with that?”

Roman laughed, “Not exactly something we could avoid when you were making a bee-line towards it. We’re just lucky it took you to its cave and wandered off, otherwise this rescue would be a lot bloodier.”

“Speaking of,” Virgil said, an anxious tone entering his voice, “We should really get out of here before that thing comes back.”

“Eep, yes!” Thomas said, ducking under Logan’s arm to help support his weight. Between Thomas and Patton, they helped Logan out of the subconscious, with Roman taking the lead and Virgil watching their backs. They managed to get back to the Light Side’s common room without running into any more monsters, and Logan breathed a sigh of relief as he was lowered onto the couch.

“Well, I’m glad that’s over.” Thomas said, stretching his arms over his head.

Logan didn’t want to admit it, but he was glad to be safely back home as well. “Roman and I covered a lot of ground today, before the unfortunate incident. Now that I have a better idea of what to expect, we should be able to do even better tomorrow.” He closed his eyes and tried to concentrate on healing his wounds, but the power didn’t come. Logan sighed - this must be part of what Roman had meant about spending too much time in the subconscious draining your powers. He’d rest and finish healing in the morning when his energy had been restored.

“Oof, Tomorrow?” Roman said, screwing up his face in contemplation, “No can do, pocket protector.”

Logan looked up, startled by Roman’s dismissal, “What do you mean?”

“I mean, Thomas has videos I need to work on. We can’t let down our fans or risk Thomas’s career just ‘cause Remus is throwing a temper tantrum.” Roman held up his hands in a “what can you do” shrug.

Blinking in confusion, Logan said, “I’d say that this is more serious than a ‘temper tantrum’. Surely the fans will understand if there is a delay - they’ve always been supportive of Thomas taking the time for his mental health in the past.”

“Yeaaaah,” Virgil said, “But, we don’t wanna take advantage of that, y’know? Fame is fickle, and Thomas has already had several breakdowns in the last few days. We should probably put the whole “Remus” thing on hold.”

Logan couldn’t believe what he was hearing, “We-we can’t put ‘the whole Remus thing’ on hold! What are you talking about?” he searched the others’ faces, and realized with a sinking sensation how unconcerned they all looked. “We’ve got to get back out there! Remus is in danger every second he’s gone, and it’s only a matter of time before he is destroyed!”

Patton nodded slowly, “You’re right, Logan.”

“Thank you!” Finally, some sense. Logan felt the tension drain from his shoulders. He’d just misunderstood, that’s all. He was never good at reading emotions, that was always Patton’s thing...

“It’s only a matter of time until Remus is destroyed.” Patton said, his voice oddly cheerful. “So, we should probably get used to the idea as quickly as possible!”

Logan stared at him in shock.

“Hey!” Roman suddenly said, “Do you think I’ll be even stronger once Remus finally dies? I mean, if he’s no longer controlling part of Creativity, that power’s gotta be redirected back to me, right?”

Virgil nodded, “Yeah, makes sense. And it’ll make my job easier now that he’s no longer around to make dangerous suggestions, so I’ll probably get a power boost, too. Really, his leaving was for the best all around.”

“I don’t think-” Logan started.

“No.” Thomas said firmly, cutting him off, “You don’t think. That’s your problem, Logan - ever since this “relationship” started with Remus, you haven’t been thinking. I can’t trust your judgement anymore.” Thomas chuckled, and the sound made Logan’s blood run cold. “I should have known you were never going to find Remus. You were always the most useless side.”

Logan felt his mouth open and close several times, speechless.

“I’ll give you this,” Thomas continued, “You were right about my Logic needing a few changes. I've talked it over with Patton,” he held out a hand, and Patton snuggled into Thomas’s side, beaming up into his face, “and we both think Morality should take over my logical thinking now.”

Words. Logan couldn’t find the words. This was wrong, this was wrong, but Logan was frozen, watching as the other sides stood next to Thomas, offering the host their full support. “But-but what about Anger?”

“I’ll take over that.” Virgil smiled, and there were more teeth on display than Logan remembered seeing before. “Flight or fight is kinda my thing, after all. So really, I should have taken over Thomas’s anger in the first place.” he clapped Logan on the shoulder, nearly knocking him off the couch, “Don’t look so down in the dumps, Lo! I hear oblivion’s nice this time of year!”

“See?” Thomas said, grinning. “I don't need you anymore, the others have got this! You always held me back anyway.”

“Held you back?” Logan said weakly.

Roman nodded, "If not for you pushing Thomas towards a useless chemical engineering degree, he would be further in his acting career by now. He could be a movie star! A household name! It's your fault that he's still a struggling YouTuber, when he could be so much more."

“Et tu, Brutus?” Logan said, feeling more betrayed than ever. He’d been bonding with Roman over Remus’s disappearance, and he’d thought they’d built some respect over the last few days. It didn’t compute, Logan didn’t understand what had changed, why they were all acting like this, and fear was making his cognitive gears grind to a halt. 

Roman’s eyes sparkled, “Hey, that’s a good idea! And a fitting end for you, if I do say so myself.” He waved his hand, and a collection of swords and knives appeared in each of the others’ hands. “I think 23 times is traditional - what do you guys think?” The others nodded in approval, admiring their weapons, and terror washed through Logan.

“Stop this. We can talk this out-” Suddenly a flash of steel stopped him and he jerked back, crying out and holding his bleeding arm gingerly, snapping his head up to see Thomas's eyes turn down, the sword he held now tinted red. “Please! Stop!” Logan yelped, shrinking away from them. "Guys, it's ME! LOGAN! We can still work through this!" 

Patton chuckled, then seconds later he was directly in front of Logan. "Oh, Lo. You're so naive." He said casually, causing Logan's eyes to go wide, then he choked as Patton thrust a knife deep into his side. Patton roughly jerked the knife back out, and Logan grasped his side tightly with gritted teeth. His breath grew hard, watching as the others all drew their swords and advanced on him. He shook his head, scrambling off the couch and away from them, but there was nowhere to run.

"No...no..." His voice was barely a whisper as tears came to his eyes, his true worst fear revealing itself; his friends and family turning on him. He was still wearing his own sword, his hand squeezing the grip tight, but as much as he knew he needed to defend himself, he couldn't bring himself to strike back. He refused to hurt the others.

So he took hit after hit, either with blades or fists or boots. Soon he lay gasping against the wall, shuddering in pain, covered in blood, his mouth filled with the metallic taste he so desperately was trying to ignore, his built up emotions starting to manifest. The others disappeared, then a familiar voice called his name. 

"LOGAN!!" Logan's eyes darted to the side from holding his knees to his chest to lay eyes on Roman followed by one clear Deceit. He frowned. The room had gotten cold, as cold as the cave had been, but that was probably the blood loss setting in...

"Come back to hurt me again?" He spat, shaking his head. "Stop hurting me..." He murmured through the blood dripping from his mouth.

Roman's eyes went wide, glancing at Deceit who held the same reaction. The Deceitful side took one step forward.

"Logan, please do not listen to us." He started, but Logan shook his head again, his blood stained hands clenching around the dirtied cloth of his pants.

"Stop hurting me!!" Logan shouted, his voice starting to echo a bit. Deceit took a step back with wide eyes. 

"Uh oh."

Roman's eyes went wide. "Uh oh? What do you mean, uh oh?!" He cried, then he started forward, reaching his hand out. "Logan...it's okay. It's me..." Roman said, but as soon as his hand touched Logan's shoulder, the other side jerked.

"I SAID STOP HURTING ME!!!!" He screeched, the cave rumbling and the entire Mindscape shaking. Logan's eyes had washed over with red, and Deceit shook his head.

"This is not very, very bad indeed." He said in concern, and Roman glanced at him. 

"What's happening?!"

Deceit bit his lip, keeping eye contact with Logan. "He's turned into Fury."

Roman's eyes went wide, then he shook his head. "No...no, Logan can't-" His words failed him as he saw the absolute hate in his friend's eyes.

Roman and Deceit took a step back from Logan in fear, the Dark Side glaring at them. Logan scoffed.

"What, are you two afraid of me?" His eyes narrowed further. "You should be. You should be very scared." He said as a devious smirk twitched the corners of his mouth up. A black sword suddenly materialized in his hand, gleaming in the darkened cavern. Logan's eyes were completely red, and when he grinned his mouth was full of sharp glinting teeth. 

Deceit took Roman's hand and started to drag him back. "Roman, we need to stay. NOW."

Roman nodded quickly, sprinting towards the mouth of the cave, hearing the echoing footsteps behind them. Deceit pulled Roman along, dashing out of the dark hollow, quickly scanning the area around for the dreaded creature that had gotten them into this mess, then they ran. 

Deceit felt a twinge of regret pulling Roman away from Logan and leaving the prior Logic alone in an environment where he could easily be swallowed up, like he already had. 

But Deceit knew exactly how dangerous Fury could be. He knew better than any of the Sides. He had absolutely dreaded the day that Fury would be released and although he was glad that it was Logan who got saddled with him, he had known that the intellectual side wouldn't be able to hold it back forever.

Roman continued to glance back over his shoulder, eyes wide as he watched Logan hot on their heels. He snapped his head around to Deceit.

"What the hell do we DO?! He's trying to kill us, so is everything else out here, and we still have no idea where the hell my brother is!!! WHAT DO WE DO, DEE?!" He screeched, and Deceit bit his lip, hesitant about telling Roman that his brother was safe as could be back in Dee's room, but he couldn't.

Deceit shook his head, too flustered to fib. "I have no idea. We just have to try to find someplace we can pause and think. How close is he?" Deceit asked, and Roman glanced over his shoulder, then his eyes went wide and he stopped running. Deceit stopped, staring at him with wide eyes. "Roman, what are you doing?!"

Roman shook his head. "He's gone. He was just right behind us." He stated, bringing confusion from Deceit. The snake-face looked back, and sure enough, no Logan. The two met eyes, then turned around to see Logan leaning against a tree, poking the tip of his sword with his finger, staring directly at them with burning eyes, the area around them black, almost like Virgil's eye shadow but all the way around his eyes, and not nearly as vibrant. 

Logan grinned, the blood in his mouth tainting his teeth red. "A valiant effort, trying to run." He turned his gaze directly to Deceit. "Dee, you should know by now that you can't hide from me. You can't run. So why not just face me?" He shrugged. "Sure, you'll die, but why not get the tragedy over with?" He said with a small chuckle. "Make my job a whole hell of a lot easier."

Backing away, Deceit grabbed Roman’s arm, “Dragon witches! As many as you can make! NOW!”

Roman cast out his hands, and a three dozen dragons burst into life around them, flapping wings in a riot of colors, screaming and breathing fire and swarming around Logan. Logan screamed furiously, his demonic screech ripping through the air.

The roar echoed far and wide. In the Mindscape, Patton and Virgil looked at each other, frozen in terror. Inside Deceit’s panic room, the howl caused Remus to race to the door, desperate to find his lover. Unable to escape, Remus turned feral, ripping apart everything he could put his hands on and attacking the door with every weapon he could manifest, to no avail. In real life, Thomas began to break down once again, clutching his head and rocking back and forth.

Back in the subconscious, Logan was viciously attacking and slaughtering the dragons one by one, but Deceit didn’t stick around to watch the carnage. Yanking Roman behind a small outcropping of rock, Deceit used his own powers to shape-shift their appearance, blending the two sides into just another stone in the wasteland. They huddled together, too scared to move or breathe as the sounds of wings and fire and screams died down.

Finally, there was silence. Roman, exhausted and drained from using so much of his Creative energy at once, resisted the urge to glance over the rock to see what happened. What if the dragons had been too much for Logan? What if, right now, their friend was lying a few feet away, dead and fried to a crisp? He would never forgive himself for killing Logan.

Deceit kept a tight grip on Roman’s arm, using all his energy towards the subterfuge. There was no point in holding anything back, this was it, this was a matter of life or death. If his powers of misdirection failed them now, Logan would kill them and that would be it.

A throaty chuckle filled the air. “Nice distraction,” Logan purred, and they heard footsteps slowly circle the area. “While the cat’s busy, the mice ran for the hills. But don’t think you can get away from me that easily.” Logan walked past the rock, and Deceit’s heart stopped… but the illusion held and Logan continued past, not noticing the enchantment.

“Come out, come out, wherever you are…” Logan sing-sang, walking a little further away. Neither Deceit nor Roman dared move a muscle.

After a few more minutes of circling the area, Logan seemed to give up, “Bored now. You wanna hide like rats, I’ll let the subconscious get rid of you like the vermin you are. It’s about time I had a little sit down with Thomas anyways. Let him know how things are going to work from here on out.”

Logan stalked away, but Deceit continued to keep still, squeezing Roman’s arm to do the same. If Logan was headed for Thomas, they should warn Patton and Virgil. But it was equally likely that Logan was setting a trap, pretending to leave with the intention of flushing out Roman and Deceit, only to destroy them as soon as them came out of hiding. Praying that he was making the right choice, Deceit continued to hide, holding up the illusion and waiting to make sure Logan had left.

What seemed like an eternity later of absolute silence, Deceit finally released Roman's arm and he fell back against the rock, breathing hard but quietly, his head reeling. Roman leaned against his shoulder, drained. The Prince glanced at Deceit after a moment.

"Dee, what do we do?! We have to warn the others!! Logan is going to kill them!!" He hissed, and Deceit grit his teeth.

"I'm well aware of what is at stake, Roman, but we have to think this through. Logan could just be trying to put us back on the chopping block, and as soon as we go out there he'll cut us down."

Roman clenched his fists. "We have to risk it. Logan is far away, we both saw him walking, and we need to get to the others." He sighed. "Dammit, I wish I knew where my brother was. We could sure use his help, I bet he could find some way to get to Logan..." He muttered.

Deceit bit his lip, hesitating, then he sighed. "Remus is not safe, trust me. He...I don't know where he is." he said reluctantly. Roman's eyes grew wide. 

"You know where he is?!"

Deceit nodded. "He is not...*ahem*...locked in a secret bunker that is tied to my room." He coughed, and Roman froze. 

"Wait, so Remus was safe in your room this whole time that Lo and I were looking for him?! We didn't have to come out here at all?!" He cried, hopefully not too loudly. Deceit flinched.

"You two didn’t leave before I could tell you! I was not going to try to stop you!!" He then shook his head, standing up and offering Roman his hand. "We mustn’t try to warn the others before Logan gets to them. Come on. We’re too weak to flash back, so we have to try to get there as fast as we can."

Roman grasped Deceit's hand and was lifted to his feet, glancing over towards where the fight had ensued and flinching at the horrendous bloody mess that met his eyes. 

Merciless, vicious, and sickeningly cruel. Logan had slaughtered every single monster with ease, and he hadn't batted an eye.

Roman closed his eyes, his grip tightening on his sword, then he turned to Deceit. "Alright. Let's go." He determined, and Deceit twitched his head. 

"This way."

They began to run through the dense and dark area, praying that they would reach the others before Logan did, and also that Logan wouldn't seize an opportunity to pounce on them like the prey they had become.

[matrixaffiliate]

Consanguinity

New Story! FFN and AO3

This lovely story was requested by @thisismegz! Happy Christmas my friend!

Teddy has been there for everything, up until his first year of Hogwarts. Now that he's coming home, he's looking forward to seeing everyone, and specifically seeing what's he's missed with a very special sibling.

Consanguinity

Teddy was nearly bouncing as the rolling green hills out his train compartment window quickly gave way to the houses and buildings of London.

He was almost home.

Don't misunderstand, Teddy adored Hogwarts, he was excited to return in September, but Teddy was excited to be home with his family.

Specifically, his new sister.

He'd been there for most of Jamie and Al growing up. He'd been there when they'd started walking and talking and it had been kind of cool to watch them grow.

But Teddy had already missed Lily's first word and her first steps. When he'd been home for Christmas and Easter she had been rather taken with him though. At Easter she insisted on sitting with him and following him everywhere he went while with the Potter's. She loved that Teddy would change his hair color constantly for her, and Teddy wasn't above exploiting that at every turn.

And in less than ten minutes, he'd get to see her and the rest of his family again.

"Your hair is going red, Ted," Matt poked his shoulder.

"I'm just excited," Teddy grinned.

"Yeah, I'm excited to not have papers to write anymore," Matt commented as he looked at the streaks of gray passing by them.

"That's always a bonus," Teddy looked down at his watch.

"You in a hurry to change company?" Matt frowned.

"Sorry," Teddy pushed his hands into his pockets, "I'm excited to see my family, especially my little sister."

"Really?"

"Well, yeah, I've missed a lot of her firsts. I was there for all of my brothers' firsts, and missing Lily's feels weird, I guess. I want to see her, see what I've missed."

"I'll take your word on that," Matt shrugged. "We youngest children aren't burdened the same way you oldest kids are."

"So this isn't the time to tell you how spoiled you are?" Teddy smirked.

"My oldest sister spoils me worse than my mum most days, so I'd say you're just as guilty with that baby sister of yours."

Teddy laughed with Matt. He'd hit the nail squarely on the head.

After what felt like an eternity, the Hogwarts Express finally pulled to a stop at King's Cross station. Teddy and Matt pulled their trunks onto the platform, scanning the crowd for their families.

"Teddy!"

Teddy turned toward the sound of his name and spotted his little family not too far from where he was.

"Can I come meet your family?" Matt asked hesitantly.

"Of course," Teddy pulled on Matt's arm as he moved towards Gran and Harry and Ginny.

"Now can I go?" Jamie whined.

"Yes," Ginny sighed as she let go of his and Al's hands.

Both boys bolted for Teddy and nearly knocked him off his feet.

"Teddy! We missed you! Did you bring us presents from Hogwarts?" Jamie looked up from his grip around Teddy's middle with a bright smile.

"Of course I brought you a present, do you want to know what it is?" Teddy winked at Matt.

"Yes!" Al shouted.

"I brought you a big brother!"

Al frowned and looked at Matt. "I don't want him."

"Are you telling me to be glad you're home, and not be upset you haven't brought me anything?" Jamie sighed and looked over at Ginny.

"Sounds like your mum already told you that," Teddy chuckled. "But I've got some wicked stories for you, Jamie."

Jamie's smile was back immediately.

Teddy turned to Matt and introduced him to his family.

"And this is my Gran, Harry, and Ginny, and my siblings, Jamie, Al, and," Teddy paused and looked at the pram, "Is Lily asleep?"

Harry nodded, "This is normally when she naps, but if you're quiet you can show her off."

Teddy pulled Matt over to the pram and carefully lifted the cover.

"This is Lily," he said quietly.

At the sound of his voice, Lily opened her eyes and looked tiredly around. Then her eyes opened wider and she pushed herself up and held out her arms.

"Hey, Lils," Teddy picked her up, "guess who's home for the summer?"

Lily rubbed her eyes and looked around at the busy platform before pointing to Teddy's head and babbling.

Teddy grinned and shifted his hair red.

Lily looked critically at him and then babbled again, pointing to his hair.

Teddy chuckled, "Not in the mood for red, eh? How about this?"

He shifted the color to green.

Lily looked for a moment before babbling and reaching up to try and pull on his hair.

"No you don't," Teddy snatched her chubby hand before she could wrap her first around his hair. "Here, how about this one?"

Teddy shifted his hair to a bright blue.

Lily shrieked with an excited smile and babbled, reaching again for his hair.

"Alright, little miss," Ginny laughed and pulled Lily from Teddy. "There will be no removing Teddy's hair by the fistful."

"Are you ready to go, dear?" Gran laughed and stuck a foot out to shepherd Al back towards his parents.

Teddy nodded.

"Send me an owl and we'll find time to fly together." He said to Matt.

"Definitely, and thanks for introducing me to your family." Matt smiled up at Harry and Ginny. "My sister is going to lose it when I tell her…"

"Matt!"

Teddy turned to see a tall young woman coming towards them and noticed that she looked an awful lot like Matt.

Matt grinned, "Oh, hey, Liv. Ted here was introducing me to his family. I think you'll recognize his godmother?"

Liv's mouth had dropped. "Merlin, I, I, er, hi, I'm, I'm Olivia, and you, I…"

"It's nice to meet you, Olivia," Ginny smiled warmly. "I'm Ginny Potter, but I believe you've guessed that."

"I think I get it," Matt whispered to Teddy. "The way you feel about Lily, I think it's how I feel about Liv. Sisters are different."

"Yeah," Teddy chuckled as Ginny shifted Lily to shake Olivia's hand. "There's something special about having a sister."

He reached out and took Lily from Ginny, laughing as Harry caught both boys around the middle before they could wander too far away. Lily nestled against his shoulder and Teddy smiled.

There was definitely something special, maybe even magical, about having a sister.

[maddie-grove]

The Top Twenty Books I Read in 2019

My main takeaways from the past year’s reading:

Sometimes you think something is happening because of magic, but then it turns out to have a non-magical explanation so weird that you find yourself saying, “You know what? I wish faeries or God were responsible for this. I’d honestly feel less disturbed.”

Stop bathing and changing your clothes and shaving for three years, three months, and three days. You’ll find out who your real friends are. I promise you that.

I want more books about bisexual ladies!!! Give them to me!!!

Anyway...

20. The Prodigal Duke by Theresa Romain (2017)

Childhood sweethearts Poppy Hayworth and Leo Billingsley were separated when his older brother, a duke, sent him away to make his fortune. Years later, the duke is dead, a financially successful Leo has come back to England to take his place, and Poppy has become a rope dancer at Vauxhall Gardens after a life-shattering event. New sparks are flying between them, but is love possible when so much else has changed? Leo and Poppy are believable and charming as old friends, Romain makes great use of obscure historical details from the oft-depicted Regency period, and I loved Leo’s difficult but caring elderly uncle.

19. Simple Jess by Pamela Morsi (1996)

Althea Winsloe, a young widow in 1900s Arkansas, has no interest in remarrying, but almost everyone in her small Ozarks community is pressuring her to remarry, and she still needs someone to help farm her land. Enter Jesse Best, a strong young man with cognitive disabilities who’s happy to take on the work. As he makes improvements to her farm and bonds with her three-year-old son, Althea gets to know him better and starts to see him in a new light. This earthy romance could’ve been a disaster, but instead it illustrates how people with disabilities are often...uh...simplified and de-sexualized in a way that denies them autonomy. Morsi has a similarly nuanced take on Althea and Jesse’s community, which is claustrophobic and supportive all at once.

18. Leah on the Offbeat by Becky Albertalli (2018)

Outspoken and insecure, bisexual high school senior Leah Burke is having a tough year. Her friend group is in turmoil, her single mom is seriously dating someone, and she’s caught between a sweet boy she’s not sure about and a pretty, perfect straight girl who couldn’t possibly be into her...right??? The sequel to the very cute Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda, Leah on the Offbeat pulls a The Godfather: Part II with its messy protagonist, sweetly surprising romance, and masterful comic set piece involving the Atlanta American Girl Doll restaurant.

17. Copper Sun by Sharon M. Draper (2006)

Kidnapped from her home in eighteenth-century Ghana, fifteen-year-old Amari is sold into slavery and winds up on a South Carolina plantation, where she faces terrible cruelty but finds friends in an enslaved cook, her little son, and eventually a sulky white indentured servant around her age. When their master escalates his already-atrocious behavior, the three young people flee south to the Spanish Fort Mose in search of freedom. Draper’s complicated characters, vivid descriptions, and deft handling of heavy subjects makes for top-notch historical YA fiction.

16. A Prince on Paper by Alyssa Cole (2019)

After her controlling politician father was jailed for poisoning a bunch of people in their small, prosperous African country, Nya Jerami gained unprecedented freedom but also became the subject of vicious gossip. Johan von Braustein, the hard-partying stepson of a European monarch, wants to help her, partly because he sympathizes and partly because he has a crush, but she thinks he’s too frivolous and horny (if wildly attractive). After an embarrassing misunderstanding compels them to enter a fake engagement, though, she begins to wonder if there’s more to him. I’m not a huge fan of contemporary romance, but this novel has the perfect combination of heartfelt emotion, delicious melodrama, and adorable fluff. 

15. One Perfect Rose by Mary Jo Putney (1997)

Stephen, the Duke of Ashburton, has always done the proper and responsible thing, but that all changes when he learns that he’s terminally ill. Wandering the countryside in the guise of an ordinary gentleman, he ends up joining an acting troupe and falling in love with Rosalind, the sensible adopted daughter of the two lead actors. Like another Regency romance on this list, this novel celebrates love in many forms: there’s the love story between Stephen and Rosalind, yes, but there’s also Rosalind’s loving relationship with her adopted family, the new bonds she forms with her long-lost blood relatives, the way her two families embrace the increasingly frightened Stephen, and the healing rifts between Stephen and his well-meaning but distant siblings. Stephen’s reconciliation with his mortality is also moving.

14. My One and Only Duke by Grace Burrowes (2018)

Facing a death sentence in Newgate, footman-turned-prosperous banker Quinton Wentworth decides to do one last good thing: marry Jane McGowan, a poor pregnant widow, so she and the baby will be financially set. Then he receives a pardon and a dukedom at the literal last minute, meaning that he and Jane have a more permanent arrangement than either intended. I fell in love with the kind-but-difficult protagonists almost at once, and with Burrowes’s gorgeous prose even faster. 

13. Eleanor and Park by Rainbow Rowell (2013)

It’s 1986, and comics-loving, post-punk-listening, half-Korean Park and bright, weird, constantly bullied Eleanor are just trying to get through high school in their rough Omaha neighborhood. He’s only grudgingly willing to let her share his bus seat at first, but this barely civil acquaintance slowly thaws into friendship and blossoms into love. Far from being the whimsical eighties-nostalgia-fest I expected, this is a bittersweet love story about two isolated young people who find love, belonging, and a chance for self-expression with each other in an often-hostile environment (a small miracle pre-Internet).

12. Shrill by Lindy West (2016)

In this memoir, Lindy West talks about the difficulties of being a fat woman, the thankless task of being vocally less-than-enthused about rape jokes, the joys of moving past self-doubt, and the very real possibility that Little John from Disney’s Robin Hood was played by “bear actor” Baloo, among other subjects. I was having a hard time during my last semester of law school this past spring, and this book’s giddy humor and inspiring messages really helped me in my hour of need.

11. Seduction: Sex, Lies, and Stardom in Howard Hughes's Hollywood by Karina Longworth (2018)

In 1925, very young businessman Howard Hughes breezed into Hollywood with nothing but tons of family wealth, a soon-to-be-divorced wife, and a simple dream: make movies about fast planes and big bosoms. He got increasingly weird and reactionary over the next thirty years, then retired from public life. More a history of 1920s-1950s Hollywood than a biography, this book has the same sharp writing and in-depth film analysis that makes me love Longworth’s podcast You Must Remember This.

10. The Beguiled by Thomas Cullinan (1966)

In Civil-War-era Virginia, iron-willed Martha Farnsworth and her nervous younger sister try to run their nearly empty girls’ boarding school within earshot of a battlefield. When one girl finds Union soldier John McBurney injured in the woods, she brings him back to the house, where he exploits every conflict and secret among the eight girls and women (five students, two sisters, and one enslaved cook). Charming and manipulative, he nevertheless finds himself in over his head. Cullinan makes great use of the eight POVs and the deliciously claustrophobic setting; it’s fascinating to watch the power dynamics and allegiances shift from scene to scene.

9. A Gentleman Never Keeps Score by Cat Sebastian (2018)

Reserved tavern keeper Sam Fox wants to help out his brother’s sweetheart by finding and destroying a nude portrait she once sat for; disgraced gentleman Hartley Sedgwick isn’t sure what he wants after having his life ruined twice over, but he happened to inherit his house from the man who commissioned the painting...plus he’s not exactly reluctant to assist kind, handsome Sam in his quest. I wrote about this heart-melting romance two times last year; suffice it to say that it’s not only one of the best Regencies I’ve ever read, but also possibly the best romance I’ve ever read about the creation of a found family.

8. Frog Music by Emma Donoghue (2014)

Blanche Beunon, a French-born burlesque dancer in 1876 San Francisco, has a lot going on: her mooching boyfriend has turned on her, her sick baby is missing, and her cross-dressing, frog-hunting friend Jenny Bonnet was just shot dead right next to her. In the middle of a heat wave, a smallpox epidemic, and a little bit of mob violence, she must locate her son and solve Jenny’s murder. This is a glorious work of historical fiction; you can see, hear, smell, and feel the chaotic world of 1870s San Francisco, plus Blanche’s character arc is amazing.

7. The Patrick Melrose novels (Never Mind, Bad News, Some Hope, Mother’s Milk, and At Last) by Edward St. Aubyn (1992, 1992, 1994, 2005, and 2012, respectively)

Born to an embittered English aristocrat and an idealistic American heiress, Patrick Melrose lives through his father’s sadistic abuse and his mother’s willful blindness (Never Mind),  does a truly staggering amount of drugs in early adulthood (Bad News), and makes a good-faith effort at leading a normal life (Some Hope). Years later, the life he’s built with his wife and two sons is threatened by his alcoholism and reemerging resentment of his mother (Mother’s Milk), but there may be a chance to salvage something (At Last). Despite the suffering and cruelty on display, these novels were the farthest thing from a dismaying experience, thanks to the sharp characterization, grim humor, and great sense of setting. Also, I love little Robert Melrose, an anxious eldest child after my own heart. 

6. The Perilous Gard by Elizabeth Marie Pope (1974)

In 1550s England, no-nonsense Kate Sutton is exiled to the Perilous Gard, a remote castle occupied by suspicious characters, including the lord’s guilt-ridden younger brother Christopher. Troubled by the holes she sees in the story of the tragedy that haunts him, she does some problem-solving and ends up in a world of weird shit. Cleverly plotted, deliciously spooky, and featuring an all-time-great heroine, this book was an absolute treat. The beautiful Richard Cuffari illustrations in my edition didn’t hurt, either.

5. An Unconditional Freedom by Alyssa Cole (2019)

Daniel Cumberland, a free black man from New England traumatized from being sold into slavery, and Janeta Sanchez, a mixed-race Cuban-Floridian lady from a white Confederate family, have been sent on a mission to the Deep South by the Loyal League, a pro-Union spy organization. Initially hostile to everyone (but particularly to somewhat naive Janeta), Daniel warms to his colleague, but will her secrets, his shattered faith in justice, and the various dangers they face prevent them from falling in love? Nah. Alyssa Cole’s historical romances deliver both on the history and the romance, and this is one of her strongest entries.

4. The Lady’s Guide to Celestial Mechanics by Olivia Waite (2019)

Heartbroken by the death of her father and the marriage of her ex-girlfriend, Lucy Muchelney decides she needs a change of scenery and takes a live-in position translating a French astronomy text for Catherine St. Day, the recently widowed Countess of Moth. Catherine, used to putting her interests on hold for an uncaring spouse, is intrigued by this awkward, independent lady. I’ve read f/f romances before, but this sparkling Regency was the first to really blow me away with its fun banter, neat historical details, and perfect sexual tension.

3. The Wager by Donna Jo Napoli (2010)

After losing his entire fortune to a tidal wave, Sicilian nineteen-year-old Don Giovanni de la Fortuna sinks into poverty and near-starvation. Then Devil makes him an offer: all the money he wants for as long as he lives if he doesn’t bathe, cut his hair, shave, or change his clothes for three years, three months, and three days. This fairy-tale retelling is an extraordinarily moving fable about someone who learns to acknowledge his own suffering, recognize it in others, and extend compassion to all. 

2. Vampires in the Lemon Grove by Karen Russell (2013)

In this collection, Russell weaves strange tales of silkworm-women hybrids in Japan, seagulls who collect objects from the past and future, and, yes, vampires in the lemon grove. She also posits the very important question: “What if most (but not all) U.S. presidents were reincarnated as horses in the same stable and had a lot of drama going on?” My favorite stories were “Proving Up” (about a nineteenth-century Nebraska boy who encounters death and horror on the prairie), “The Graveless Doll of Eric Mutis” (about a disadvantaged high school student who discovers an effigy of the even more hapless boy he tormented), and “The Barn at the End of the Term” (the horse-president story). 

1. The Wonder by Emma Donoghue (2016)

Lib Wright, an Englishwoman who has floundered since her days working for Florence Nightingale during the Crimean War, is hired to observe Anna O’Donnell, an eleven-year-old Irish girl famous for not eating for four straight months. With a jaundiced attitude towards the Irish and Catholicism, Lib is confident that she’ll quickly expose Anna as a fraud, but she finds herself liking the girl and getting increasingly drawn into the disturbing mystery of her fast. Like The Perilous Gard, this novel masterfully plays with the possibility of the supernatural, then introduces a technically mundane explanation that’s somehow much more eerie. Donoghue balances the horror and waste that surrounds Anna, though, with the clear, bright prose and the moving relationship that develops between her and Lib, who grows beyond her narrow-mindedness and emotional numbness. I stayed up half the night to finish this novel, which cemented Emma Donoghue’s status as my new favorite author.

[supremeuppityone]

Written for @klarosummerbingo Klarosummer Bingo prompt: Temple ruins of Wat Phou

Please review here.

              The flames scorched a searing trail across the top of her arm, but she stubbornly refused to cry out. Wasn’t the Phaya Naga supposed to be a benign deity? Caroline quickly ducked behind a crumbling stone wall, trying to catch her breath. Maybe it wasn’t the best idea to go back for the rest of the dragon’s hoard, but once she paid off Enzo’s gambling debts with that pearlescent moonstone she snatched from her first raid, she couldn’t resist the temptation.

           There was just so much gold. Shiny, gorgeous and practically begging for her to take it. She’d been a scared little kid out on the streets when Enzo found her. She owed him a life debt, which is how she found herself halfway around the world playing hide and seek in the temple ruins of Wat Phou with a Laotian dragon god.

           The rough scrape of scales along the elaborately carved pillars made her shudder. “This is just a big misunderstanding,” she shouted, hoping the echo of her voice down the narrow hallway would confuse the dragon enough for her to escape. “I got separated from my tour group!” She gasped as its powerful tail landed just inches from her head, shattering half of the wall she hid behind. She quickly leapt to the side, tucking her small body into a tight ball as she rolled away from the dragon’s heavy coils as it tried to crush her.

           “Aren’t you a nimble little thing,” an accented voice teased behind her.

           Caroline whirled around, completely unprepared for the attractive strange before her. Her eyes narrowed at the smirk, temper flaring when she realized he was making fun of her. She stubbornly remained silent, assessing the situation as she came up with possible escape plans. The dragon had been the most formidable creature she’d come across in her travels with Enzo, but there was a power radiating off of the stranger that gave her pause. He was dangerous.  

           She could see the Mekong River over his shoulder, and she wondered if she could somehow get the dragon to chase him while she raced back to the tiny cove where she’d hidden her three-plank canoe.

           “You’d never make it,” he replied, a devious glint in his eye as he studied the furtive glances she’d taken at the river.

           “I’ll take those odds,” she acidly replied, surprising the stranger when she climbed on top of the small brick tower he stood next to, waving her arms as she shouted at the dragon, “Hey, over here! Smug Accent Guy is trying to steal your treasure!” The moment she heard the fierce roar of the dragon that signaled another burst of flames, she rapidly scaled the sharp edges of the seven terraces, relieved when she caught sight of her boat.

           Her canvas shoes sank in the soft sand as she pushed the end of the canoe back into the water, wading into the cold river until the water was up to her knees. She quickly hopped into the boat, shivering slightly as the wet fabric of her long skirt clung to her legs. A tiny sliver of panic shot through her as she patted down the rough floorboard, realizing it was empty. Damn it — where was that oar?

           A sharp whistle caught her attention and she warily raised her eyes to the shore. Smug Accent Guy cheerfully waved to her using her long oar, a cheeky grin on his face. “Missing something, sweetheart?”

           “Yeah, a dragon’s hoard,” she muttered, irritated that the stranger was most definitely not reduced to ash and still inconveniently attractive.

           “That was impressive — can one assume that sort of situation is an ongoing occurrence in your life?”

           While she knew better than to give away too much power to a stranger, she couldn’t resist the urge to brag a bit about her exploits with Enzo. “I let a hungry mwanga track me for days.” She absentmindedly ran a finger along the thin scars that crisscrossed her calf. That giant cat’s claws had been a bit longer than she realized.

           His gray eyes widened at that, and she instantly was intrigued — few supernaturals knew of the supposedly mythical beast that stalked the Ivory Coast. Well-traveled AND good-looking? Definitely trouble. “Why on earth would you do that?”

           “Boredom,” she said breezily, purposely leaving out the part where Enzo had gone missing and she found out through whispers in the marketplace that local gunrunners had left him in the dense rainforest as a tribute for the creature.

           Caroline realized she needed to make a decision about Smug Accent Guy. Fight or flight? With the powerful lines of his body, both options seemed better than floating oarless in the shallows, waiting for his move.  

           The calculating expression on his handsome face made it clear that he assumed more about her than she cared to reveal. “You appear to possess certain skillsets of which I have need. I’d like to hire you for some...freelance work.”

           “Seriously?! I just tried to feed you to a dragon. What makes you think I’d ever work for you?”  

           There was a dangerous glitter in his gaze that Caroline had no business finding so appealing. “Because you’re already indebted to me as you’ve stolen a certain moonstone I require.”

[biologyweeps]

Apologies if you've answered this before or if it's outside the scope of your blog, but what's your opinion on the whole "researchers have discovered cures for cancer/HIV/whatever but Big Pharma is covering it up so they can continue to exploit sick people" thing?

It’s stupid. It’s really fucking stupid. It requires the sort of large scale, international, multilevel conspiracy that in real life would last about half a minute before someone blabbed on it.

Worse yet, it fundamentally misunderstands what the actual money makers of the pharma industry at large are. Because cancer treatments? Not it. HIV treatments? also not it. Because they’re by and large too rare to reel in the actual money.

Take ‘cancer’. there’s no one type of dancer, there’s hundreds, each of which needs to be treated differently. For some of them, if caught early, a simple surgery will fix you up. For others, the ‘userbase’ is so small that they basically have to be treated by orphan drugs because otherwise there’s NO monetary pull for anyone to do anything for them. 

You know what does real in the big bucks? The everyday stuff. The cold meds, the weight loss stuff, the insulin and painpills. The things EVERYONE wants or needs. You know what’s one of the biggest sellers ever? Viagra. A medication that virtually nobody actually needs but a lot of people really want. 

The bread and butter base of pharma industry isn’t cancer or HIV or the big scary things. It’s the common shit that people have in significant numbers. They might not turn a big profit per pill, but if you sell millions of these pills a day? Then even one cent of profit per pill means millions of profit per day. Hell even if it’s just a fraction of a cent, you still get that profit accumulated.

The other thing is… look, there’s a contemporary example. You all remember the HPV vaccine, right? The one for the virus that’s associated with like 70% of cervical cancers? We have effectively created a vaccine for cancer and you know what happened to the people who figured out that this virus can cause cancer and that subsequently, we can vaccinate against it? The fucking Nobel Price in Medicine that’s what. 

Now we have vaccines against that. And here’s the other rub about the pharma industry. It lives and dies by its patents. A patent ensures that nobody else can Do The Thing for a period of time (for meds, 25 years because medication development is a long and money intensive process) and while a patent means that your thing is published, it also means that for as long as your patent lasts, you and only you are the final arbiter of how available the thing is and you can sue the fuck out of anyone else. The chance to patent what’s essentially a vaccine against cancer is incredibly tempting, because think back of my first point. The best money you can make on stuff that everyone wants.

How many people are ACTUALLY going to get cervical (or a related HPV caused) cancer? How many of those will need YOUR meds to fix it? A lot, but not that many. 

How many people will want your vaccine? ALL OF THEM. Sure they might only need it once in their lives or once a decade, but your userbase is enourmous. More over, the development of a vaccine is less expensive than a new med for cancer treatment. Because you know the virus, you know how the immune system works, you do in many cases have established booster ingredients that you don’t need to reinvent from the ground up. You need to test for safety and efficiency, sure, but a lot of the false starts of med development you can avoid

And then there’s the final thing: not every researcher works for the pharama industry to begin with. The dude linked above, who got the Nobel price? At the time of the relevant publication/discovery he was working for the National Cancer Research Center in Germany. The one paid for by the German government. And he’s not the only one, loads of countries have their own, paid-for-by-your-taxes research centers!

And then we reach the final point, the researchers themselves. Do people honestly thing that if someone came up with a bona fide, high percentage cure for HIV, that researcher wouldn’t crow it from the roofs? And I don’t mean in youtube videos, I mean in ‘send this to every single peer reviewed journal we have available because THAT’S MY NOBEL PRICE OVER THERE BITCHES’ and that’s assuming the lowest possible motivator, the drive for personal fame/gain. For a lot of people, ‘fame’ factors in it only distantly. They want to learn. They want to help. They’re not in research because it’s pulling in the big bucks. A lot of the time it doesn’t, a lot of the time it’s grueling work with setback after setback and deadlines hanging over you less like Damocles’ sword and more like Damocles’ bulldozer. 

And even if we assume that there’d be a smear campaign out the get go… look whistleblower is a bit of a buzzword these days, but if you can leak highly classified documents of a government, of banks, I can absolutely ASSURE you that someone in the line would have the spine and moral fiber to put the research data out there and let other people see for themselves. And these days? The data is digital. You don’t have to try and sneak 500kg of paperwork out there, you can fit it all onto a thumbdrive small enough to swallow and probably have room to spare. (and here’s another thing: what do you think would happen to the stock price of say your rival pharma company if you could expose that they’re hiding the Cure For HIV somewhere out of greed and you… let that slip…)

In the end, the conspiracy theory doesn’t just require a lot of bold assumptions about how the industry works and how well people with diametral opposed goals can work together for a very very vague ‘common denominator’, it also requires that every single person involved in the research and production would lack even the slightest bit of moral backbone to leak the data. Internationally. Across all firms and every single national research institute that might do ground research. All of them. 

And I would like to think that humanity as a whole doesn’t have an asshole quota high enough to manage that. 

[kprciffdw]

Ratchet and Kim Possible Chronicles: The Solanian Revolution-Part 14

They arrived back at Annihilation Nation. As soon as they landed inside, they got out of the ship. Kim and Ratchet proceeded to enter the course and got to running the deadly obstacle course.

It was even more treacherous and challenging than before, but Kim and Ratchet were able to handle the course. Their advanced skills were indeed no match for any obstacle course regardless of the danger factor.

After they made it through the course, they were thrown back into the arena. There, they did battle with a fierce mechanical beast. He seemed tough, but Kim and Ratchet's fighting skills made it seem like a big joke. It did not take very long to bring it down.

After they were able to defeat it, Ron came rushing in. Ron: "KP! Ratchet! You did it!" Kim: "But of course. Did you expect any different?"

Soon enough, they saw Courtney herself walk up to them with another vid-comic. Ron: "Hey! There she is!" Ratchet: "OK, guys, if we play this right, she'll lead us right to Dr. Nefarious." Kim: "So, what's the plan?" Ratchet: "Better let me do the talking. I know how to get what we need from her." Kim: "This is going to end badly; I just know it."

Courtney approached the group, she had a very displeased look on her face. Ratchet: "Oh, my gosh! It's so great to meet you! I'm such a huge fan!" Ron: "Ha! Knew it!" Ratchet: "I can't believe I'm standing here in front of you, Miss Gears! This is so amazing!"

Courtney looked even more displeased. She shoved the vid-comic at Ratchet so hard, she knocked him down. Kim: "Ratchet!"

Kim and Ron rushed over to Ratchet and tended to him. Courtney went over to Clank. Courtney: "My, my, you're even more gorgeous in person than you are on the holo, Agent Clank."

Kim glared over towards Courtney, Clank did the same as he continued looking at her. Courtney: "I've got a few secrets of my own that, ah, might need your special investigation." Clank: "Uh, yes, um, ahem…I will report your concerns to the proper authorities." Courtney: "Oh, Agent Clank, you always know exactly what to say to a woman. You know, I'd do anything to play a part in one of your holo-films." Clank: "That could be arranged, Miss Gears…if you are willing to provide information regarding Dr. Nefarious." Courtney: "Dr. Nefarious? Hm…you have been busy, haven't you? You just get me that part and I'll tell you anything you want to know." Clank: "Excellent! Meet me at Holostar Studios." Courtney: "See you later, Agent Clank."

She turned around and walked away. Ratchet, Kim and Ron regrouped with Clank. Kim: "I really do not like her."

Ron glanced over towards Kim in a conspicuously concerned manner.

After they left Annihilation Nation, they made one quick stop back to the Phoenix where they switched on and played the next vid-comic. The comic involved Qwark's next encounter with Nefarious. If also consisted of a few hilarious parts, one of them revealed that they have met before in…an unexpected manner. It also revealed how Nefarious became a robot. Kim: "Pfft! Figures; Qwark seems to be an expert in creating his own problems." Ron: "Did he really hold his breath for 6 days?" Kim: "I'm not sure; most likely not, but did you guys notice that last scene?" Clank: "Yes I have. It was…most astonishing." Ratchet: "Yes it was. Hm…I think we just witnessed how Dr. Nefarious became a robot." Kim: "I think so, too." Clank: "We should get going. We will need to meet with Miss Gears at Holostar Studios." Ratchet: "(sigh) Fine…let's get this over with."

They got themselves back on their ship and left for Holostar Studios.

As soon as they arrived, Ratchet and Clank got themselves ready for their parts and another filming of Secret Agent Clank. The two of them were in a car and attempted to shoot a film. However, Ratchet accidentally activated the car's ejector's seat and ejected Clank out of the car. The director was so infuriated that he terminated Ratchet from the film. Kim: "Hey! Don't be so hard on him! It was just an accident!" Director: "Well, he has caused too many of these accidents since the very beginning." Kim: "Yeah? Well, maybe if you didn't cast him in such a miserable role, you wouldn't have so many of this happen in the first place. I don't know why you gave him that role, but I have a feeling that it's because you don't like him for whatever reason. He's risked life and limb for this galaxy and this is how you thank him? You've pretty much asked for this mess ups!" Director: "That's it! I've had it with you defending this worthless screw up! Get off of my set and don't ever show your face here again!" Kim: "Gladly. Let's go, Ron."

Kim walked off, Ron was snacking on the food on a nearby table. Ron: "But, KP, free hors d'oeuvres." Kim: "I said let's go, Ron."

He pouted as he put down the food that he was snacking on and walked off with Kim. Ratchet: "We'll meet you back at your trailer, Clank."

Ratchet flew off in the car he was driving. The director paired Clank up with Qwark's monkey as his new sidekick. They continued on with the scene.

Clank continued on with filming the scene without Ratchet. He worked alongside the monkey in the process to get from one side of the set to the other. From that, they were able to finish the first part of the filming.

Moving on to the second part, Clank reverted to his giant form to take on a massive fight scene. He fought against a massive robotic monster as part of the film. After the fight was over, Clank shrank back down to his normal size. The Director wrapped up the production and left. Courtney walked up to Clank and picked him up. Courtney: "Oh, you have no idea what a thrill it was to be rescued by a big hunk of titanium alloy like yourself." Clank: "(giggle) Perhaps now you will tell me what Dr. Nefarious is planning, like you promised." Courtney: "Actually, I have a better idea. Why don't you ask him yourself?"

Electricity shot out of her face which shocked Clank, knocking him unconscious.

Moments later, he awoke in an office, directly in front of Courtney and Dr. Nefarious. Clank: "Where am I? Wha-? What in the…?" Dr. Nefarious: "Agent Clank, it is an honor to finally make your acquaintance. I have been following your exploits ever since your first mission, when you defeated the mind-stealing snotbeasts from Dimension X." Clank: "Oh! Uh, Dr. Nefarious. Well, uh, I believe there has been a misunderstanding. Secret Agent Clank is merely a fictional character I play on the HoloVid-!" Dr. Nefarious: "Lies! Squishy LIEE…"

Just then, he had a breakdown. From that, he was receiving a radio broadcasting of a soap opera episode. Courtney smacked him on the back of the head, snapping him back to normal. Dr. Nefarious: "EEES! You are a hero to robots across the galaxy! And yet you deny your own destiny!" Clank: "Destiny?" Dr. Nefarious: "You choose to bow and scrape to the squishies! Where is your pride in who you are, Agent Clank?" Clank: "Now listen here. Organic life forms have just as much right to inhabit this galaxy as we do. I see no reason to exclude…" Dr. Nefarious: "If that's the case, then I will give you a reason! Join me! And together we will rule an entire galaxy of robots! Or refuse! Remain a traitor to your own kind and follow your beloved squishies into the black hole of OBLIVION!"

Clank glared at Nefarious.

Meanwhile, Ratchet, Kim and Ron were at Clank's trailer, waiting for him to return. Ratchet seemed bummed about something. Ratchet: "Man, I can't believe this. Never in my life have I ever been treated so badly." Ron: "I know, right? That director jerk was…well…a jerk! He was mean and very unforgiving towards you. What's his problem, anyway?" Ratchet: "He's always been like that towards me. Clank, on the other hand, gets nothing but praises." Kim: "Well, you weren't kidding when you said that he wasn't worth putting up with." Ron: "Yeah, big time!" Kim: "He was just terrible. I've only defended you that one time to him and he threw a fit right there on the spot all too easily. It's bad enough you were treated so badly throughout this entire mission." Ratchet: "Kim, no, it hasn't been that bad. Really." Ron: "Are you kidding? Of course it's that bad, Ratchet! KP knows exactly what's she's talking about, right, KP?" Kim: "Of course I do. You've returned to this galaxy to save your home planet but ever since you arrived here, you've been receiving one raw deal after another. Hardly anyone respects you or even praised you for that matter, Qwark takes credit for all of your hard work and Ron and I are the only ones who have your back and so does Clank. If I were you, I would leave this galaxy and never return here again." Ratchet: "Whoa…! You guys really feel strongly about this, don't you?" Kim: "Of course, Ratchet. We're your friends. We believe that you deserve better than this." Ron: "For sure!" Kim: "These raw deals for you end here. The next time someone treats you like dirt, I'll beat 'em down so hard that they'll be eating dirt." Ron: "And I'll back her up on that 100%!" Ratchet: "Guys…you don't need to do that…" Kim: "Maybe not, but we will, anyway! We always will." Ron: "Oh, absolutely! Booyah!" Rufus: "Booyah!"

Ratchet smiled at them as they did with him. Just then, Ron spotted something that made him scream. Kim and Ratchet also looked over to what Ron saw. Ratchet became startled while Kim had a serious look on her face. They noticed a whole horde of Tyhrranoids show up everywhere, attacking the studio. They rushed at them to fight them all off.

As they fought against the Tyhrranoids, they rushed through one set after another. The hordes seemed to be tougher than before but the group was still able to fight against them. At one point, they were caught in a jam and had to send out Rufus to help them out at least once or twice.

They kept on going through fighting through more of the hordes until they returned to the ship and ran into Clank. Ron: "Hey, Clank!" Ratchet: "Clank? Where have you been? We were worried that something happened to you!" Clank: "Oh! Uh, I was having my sprockets lubed." Ratchet: "Well, you sure picked a fine time for a tune-up." Kim: "Say, where is Courtney Gears?" Clank: "She has left the planet." Ratchet: "What? But what about Nefarious?" Ron: "Yeah, did she give you any important information about him?" Clank: "Dr. Nefarious is aboard a star cruiser called the Leviathan. She seemed very eager to tell me this." Ratchet: "Oh! Um…OK…good job, Clank. You really helped us out. Now then, let's hurry out of here. I'll give Sasha the intel so she can track that star cruiser."

Ratchet turned around and walked off. Clank's eyes glowed red, an indication that something wasn't right with him. Kim and Ron stood by as they glanced at Clank as he walked off after Ratchet. They both seemed very concerned. Kim: "Hm…do you notice anything odd about Clank?" Ron: "Yeah. I don't know why but I get the feeling that there's…just something not right about him." Kim: "So do I. He just…doesn't seem…much like himself. Hm…one of us should keep a close eye on him." Ron: "Good idea. How about you switch seats with him?" Kim: "What? Are you sure about that?" Ron: "Absolutely! That way, he'll sit in the back with me and I can keep a real close eye on him." Kim: "Hm…that does sound like a good idea, but…"

She hesitated for a bit. Ron: "But what? What is it?" Kim: "No, nevermind, it…it's not important. Let's do it."

They walked back towards Ratchet and Clank. Kim: "Hey, Ratchet. Can we ask you something?" Ratchet: "Sure, you can ask me anything?" Kim: "Um…would it be OK if I…switch seats with Clank?" Ratchet: "What? Why would you want to do that?" Kim: "Well, Ron is very worried about Clank and he wants to look after him to make sure he's OK." Ratchet: "Huh, really? Ron is this true?" Ron: "Absolutely! It'll save you some time of dividing your attention between Clank and flying. Also, he's just as much my pal as he is yours. I really would like to look after him, for you." Ratchet: "Uh…I appreciate your sentiment, Ron, but I don't really think it's necessary…" Clank: "I shall allow this." Ratchet: "What? Clank? Are you sure?" Clank: "Certainly, I will oblige to sit in the back with Ron." Ratchet: "Uh…OK…I guess, let's go then."

Ron and Clank sat in the back seat, much to Ratchet's confusion. He then got in, Kim got into the seat next to him. He seemed to have been taken aback by this as he looked at her. Kim looked at him, also concerned. Ratchet brushed off his concerns and was about to take off. Just then, they received a transmission from Skidd. He said that he just saw Courtney Gears arrive near where he was, which greatly concerned the group. Kim: "Ratchet! We have to head back to the Obani Moon System! Skidd could get himself into some serious trouble!" Ratchet: "Somehow this did not surprise me." Ron: "Ratchet! Hurry! We've got to get to Skidd before something terrible happens to him!" Ratchet: "Alright, Ron! I'll get right on that!"

They took off and left for the moon system.

[preservationandruin]

Part Four: Storm’s Illumination

Update! I downloaded the nook app, killed my phone’s storage, and have accepted that reading too much on this will fry my already-bad eyes. 

But, on the plus side, I can read more WoK. 

Point of views back out to be Dalinar, Kaladin, Adolin, and Navani for this section. Featuring Dalinar deciding not to do a stupid thing but to keep trusting Sadeas, the fact that Dalinar isn’t hallucinating, Kaladin learning about his powers, and Dalinar and Navani finally smooching. Also, this is really fucking long, my apologies. 

We start seeing the epigraphs be death rattles again. Meanwhile, Adolin has realized that trying to get his father to see that he’s going mad has resulted in Dalinar deciding to abdicate in favor of Adolin--which is not what Adolin wanted at all. You done fucked up, Adolin. 

Dalinar has another vision, where he sees the Recreance--the Shardbearers giving up their swords. Interestingly, he also feels the hurt and betrayal of the spren: “A terrible feeling struck him. A sense of immense tragedy, of pain and betrayal. [...] What was happening? What was that dreadful feeling, that screaming he swore he could almost hear?” Also, the blades were glowing, but they dimmed and dimmed over time--the spren dying. Yikes. 

So there’s a big hint as to what the Shards actually are. And one of the Radiants--probably Tanavast taking their shape, although it’s hard to tell and it could be a former Bondsmith or something--tells Dalinar that the Night of Sorrows, True Desolation, and Everstorm are coming, and to read the book and “unite them.” 

Ren’s also having either a panic attack or an epileptic moment--all Dalinar classes it as is “an episode of weakness” but he’s pale, his legs are shaking, and he immediately sits down and rests his head in his hands. 

...I wonder when Renarin started awakening his powers, as a note. Also Renarin accepts the Old Magic as existing easily, while Adolin claims it’s a myth (Dalinar shuts that down). 

Adolin and Dalinar start fighting about whether or not Dalinar should step down and Renarin interrupts with “uh...guys...we could, like test to see if the visions are legitimate or not??” and both of them are like “?????” 

So they decide to have Navani write down the visions as Dalinar sees them, because they know they can trust her and their first choice--Jasnah--isn’t there. 

“The visions had told him to trust Sadeas” DALINAR NO

Navani is going out of her way to help Adolin with his flirting attempts she’s such a good aunt I love her. Also it gets him out of the room so Navani and Dalinar can talk privately. 

Navani tries yet again to convince Dalinar they can be together but Dalinar is a bit too tired and confused and uncertain to be able to do this right now, which she recognizes and does leave.

Back to Bridge Four!!! They’re on another bridge run, and Dunny dies--hit by two arrows and trampled by horses. Moash has to pin Kaladin down to stop him from running out after the kid which, thank god Kaladin has some people who are willing to act as his self-preservation. And so instead of helping Dunny, he goes around and tries to heal Bridgemen from other crews. 

Kaladin is too good and pure. He’s just furious that nobody cares about the dead Bridgemen. 

Kaladin runs off of righteous anger and like, coffee, probably. 

Anyway he fucking tears the Bridge Four gang a new one when they refuse to help someone from another bridge because people from other bridges were mean to them--and in the process states that his father was the only man with honor that he ever knew. 

Listen, this is why Kaladin is dangerous--he cares about everyone, that makes them surprised and grateful, especially on the bridge teams where nobody gives a shit about anybody, and then they become slightly more loyal to him. And then suddenly he has like, an army of loyal people. 

He’s such a hufflepuff. 

Also Teft is dropping the world’s least subtle clues here like “wooow its so weird we keep not getting hit....funny that that happens when you run point...just keep carrying lit spheres with you......they’re good luck....oh they went dun again wow that’s so strange kaladin” 

Meanwhile, Kaladin’s own grazed arrow wound is completely gone, and he’s getting a little freaked out. 

Another death rattle: “the burdens of nine become mine. Why must I carry the madness of them all? Oh, Almighty, release me.” This is absolutely Taln (or, uh, whichever of them is the one who was left behind). 

Dalinar’s at a feast again, and Wit isn’t there--Dalinar notes it’s probably because he doesn’t want to become predictable. Also Dalinar notes that noblewomen competing to draw the same person has the same social function as duels between noblemen, although they don’t use the same word. Wit does show up, just casually sitting next to Dalinar--and Dalinar notes that Adolin’s judgement of Wit was more accurate than his was. 

I gotta say, Adolin is hella perceptive. I’ve said it before, I know, but he’s a smart kid. 

Wit quietly--and accurately--depicts the relation between Dalinar and Sadeas:  “The foolishness of men who care, Dalinar, and the brilliance of those who do not. The second depend on the first--but also exploit the first--while the first misunderstand the second, hoping that the second are more like the first.” 

Also Wit ponders if you can pull a person apart and put him back together into something else “Like a Dysian Aimian” (but also, unsaid, like a Radiant.) This whole conversation is Wit trying to gauge exactly how much Dalinar knows--possibly because Wit doesn’t know exactly what Tanavast is telling Dalinar. Interesting. 

Sadeas is going to pull Some Bullshit (as always) and Elhokar is getting more and more paranoid, so all of that is interesting. 

Dalinar voice: Sadeas is going to cause Bullshit re: the investigation so I’m just going to go up and ask him about it. 

I’m not sure if this is a good or a bad idea but regardless it’s going to possibly throw Sadeas off. Unfortunately, Sadeas’ plan is to lull Dalinar into a false sense of security--claiming the most likely suspect is someone who dislikes Dalinar. 

Adolin cannot fucking believe that Sadeas is exonerating Dalinar (which, again, Adolin should stick to his intuition that Sadeas is a sneaky bastard). So Dalinar and Sadeas start plans to ally, which of course GOES HORRIBLY WRONG DALINAR DON’T TRUST SADEAS. 

Skar, about Amaram: Were you with him when he won his shards? Kaladin, quietly, but with great internal salt: No. Nobody was. 

BECAUSE AMARAM DIDN’T FUCKING WIN ANY SHARDS HE STOLE THEM LIKE A FUCKING ASSHOLE I HATE AMARAM SO MUCH

Rock: You can’t fucking swallow a broam Moash: I bet I can Kaladin: Don’t do that, because if you do that, you will die

Kaladin as Bridge Four’s tired Team Mom is very real

Also Moash is still showing signs of wanting to go too far--a la “we could just take everything” until Kaladin shuts that down for being stupid and likely to get them caught. Moash isn’t a tactical thinker. 

Also Kal baits Rock into revealing that he can use a bow and arrow. 

Rock: that shot is nearly impossible

Rock: effortlessly makes the shot

Dalinar is trying to figure out Parshendi gender. “The clean-shaven ones didn’t have much in the way of breasts” weLL IM PRETTY SURE THEYRE NOT MAMMALS so THANK GOD. But Dalinar has noticed that the fighting pairs are usually a man and a woman, and also wonders why in six years of fighting nobody thought to investigate what gender their opponents were. 

I mean, honestly, given how much we depersonalize our enemies, I can believe that. 

And Dalinar’s having problems with the Thrill again. Notably, it doesn’t make him a less effective fighter--it just cuts off the bloodlust and glee. 

Dalinar literally saves Sadeas’ fucking life and later in the book Sadeas repays him by leaving him and Adolin to die. 

To quote a D&D show I watch, SOME PEOPLE HAVE NO SENSE OF FUCKING HONOR. 

Descriptions of the thrill remain disturbingly...sexual, almost. At least in the sense that the vocabulary we have to describe a visceral glee and desire tends to be reminiscent of sexual language. (”He nearly choked on it, the joy, the pleasure, the desire. The danger.”)

Sadeas: tonight, all of my soldiers will feast as if they were lighteyes Me, full of salt: BET THAT DOESN’T INCLUDE THE BRIDGEMEN YOU COLOSSAL ASSHOLE

Another bridgeman has died and Kaladin is not taking it well. Gaz didn’t come to the bridge run--he might have deserted by this point. Kaladin also notices that the Parshendi revere their dead. Kal also still doesn’t believe that Dalinar is as good as people say he is. 

And Teft just got Kaladin to inhale stormlight and use it instinctively, leading to him glowing. Kaladin is lowkey freaking out about having the powers of the Radiants. 

Kaladin and Hoid are interacting for the first time and it’s great. We also get the story of a group of people who would kill any who did something wrong because the emperor wouldn’t tolerate it, and then discovered the emperor was dead all along and had to live with the guilt of knowing that those murders were on their hands, not the emperor’s. 

...which could be a metaphor for all of Vorinism learning that Honor is dead. Or not. As with most things with Hoid, it’s very ambiguous. Also, Syl doesn’t like Hoid, which is understandable. I can see an Honorspren thinking he was strange and wrong. 

Kaladin, thinking, also realizes that his “Emperor” is the apathy--the belief that he can’t change anything. He holds onto that instead of looking for other reasons things could be happening, or acknowledging that he can change things. 

And so he decides to actually start working with and using his powers. 

Honestly from the point of anyone else this story is lowkey ridiculous like “yeah a slave turned out to be a new radiant and so his team of bridgerunners helped him train in the chasms and literally nobody noticed, really” in-universe it makes sense because nobody pays attention to the bridgemen but still you have someone who CAN FLY

A death rattle mentions “Re-Shephir, the Midnight Mother, giving birth to abominations with her essence, so dark, so terrible, so consuming.” Another of the unmade? Hard to tell. 

Adolin is talking to Jakamav, who I unfortunately can only ever see as a fratbro. On the other hand, that’s not an inaccurate interpretation. Adolin is also casually Judging other people’s fashion choices someone let this boy dress in the pretty clothes he wants to dress in instead of his uniform

Also Adolin is grumbling about how other people always want dark hair, which he thinks is stupid. He also claims he forgot that Humility existed, which is probably true. 

Also Jakamav’s girlfriend insulted Dalinar and Adolin is just. ready to FIGHT. 

“Adolin liked to be familiar with a large number of people, but not terribly close with any of them.” That’s just interesting. He’s only really close with his family, especially Renarin, at this point. 

Also, Adolin starts to see the purpose behind the Codes--he starts to see that it’s not just about pure practicality, but also about treating war and the death that comes with it with a measure of seriousness, and also giving people commanders they can trust. It’s about the importance of symbols. 

Dalinar is reciting the Way of Kings to Sadeas and Elhokar, who don’t really get it. We also get “all save the Heralds themselves must dine with the Nightwatcher,” implying that she’s seen as some sort of death entity. 

Also, Dalinar is me:  “And you have this entire passage memorized?”  “I likely got a few of the words wrong”  “Knowing you, that means you might have forgotten a singled “an’ or ‘the.”  Also Sadeas does give Dalinar the honest advice that literally nobody else naturally talks like him, so other people assume he’s putting it on as a self-righteous act (...again, Dalinar, I feel you on that one.) 

Dalinar is staring at Navani again. And Sadeas is judging people’s fashion sense now. 

Time for Adolin to crush it in the duelling ring. Also the line “And so Adolin--in a moderately subtle move” is killing me like. Welp. It was moderately subtle which is the best we can expect from him. Anyway, Adolin obviously just annihilates his opponent, because Adolin is incredible. 

“They’re trying to kill me,” Elhokar said softly, huddling down in his armor. “They’ll see me dead, like my father.”   Highprinces: Look we made a strong king Me: Look at what you did to him! he has anxiety!!!

I retain a soft spot for Elhokar. And he mentions seeing “Symbols, twisted, inhuman” in mirrors--sounds a lot like Cryptics. I almost wrote Cryptids. Wonderful. And Elhokar and Sadeas bully Dalinar into using Sadeas’ fast and costly bridges--which Kaladin later takes as a sign of Dalinar not having as much honor as people say, if I remember right. 

Also, Dalinar’s opinion on fights: “When you won, it was always better to win quickly and with extreme advantage.” Amen to that. 

Kal’s trying to intentionally inhale stormlight now. And we get Teft’s explanation of the Words, which i like, although one of them is pretty much word-for-word “Dying is easy, young man, living is harder” from Hamilton. 

And now, Bridge Four is being put on Bridge duty every single day, which is just the brightlords flat-up wanting them killed. “Consider it an...honor” they say, and Kaladin has to stop himself from swearing. He also learns that he has to inhale the Stormlight in, he can’t just...will it inside of him. 

And Kaladin forms the “parshendi carapace” idea to protect them. We also get some examination of Kaladin’s agnosticism. 

Also he tried to walk on a wall and fell on his ass, nice going Kaladin. 

But he’s getting the hang of having a lot of power and exploiting that to smuggle things out of the chasms. Including surviving a 40-foot fall. 

Back to Dalinar and Adolin, Dalinar has decided not to abdicate. Navani is also the one most aware of Elhokar’s weakness, while Dalinar still denies it. Also, Renarin is fascinated by Navani’s fabrials. So am I--fabrials are really cool. 

And Dalinar is talking with Nohadon in his vision. Also, Navani realizes he’s speaking, instead of gibberish, an ancient dialect of the Dawnchant. Which Dalinar doesn’t know, and thus can’t have hallucinated--the visions are genuine. 

Navani is realizing she might have just figured out how to translate the Dawnchant, which is also incredible. 

Navani and Dalinar are, yet again, alone, and Dalinar is even like “Navani you’re doing it again” and Navani is just like. yep. you caught me. Also she explains that being the old queen basically means she’s placeless in the world and everyone only sees her as the wife of a dead man, and she’s furious seeing it from Dalinar as well, who knew her even before Gavilar did. 

And so Dalinar kisses her because of course he does. There are even passionspren. And then she starts talking business and important things but Dal is also like, distracted because holy shit she’s so pretty aaaaa which, is, relateable, i too cannot function around pretty people. 

Also, multiple notes that the marriage between Gavilar and Navani might not have been the best--Navani notes she had reason to be unfaithful even though she wasn’t, and starts saying something that Dalinar cuts off. 

Also Navani is very smug about the fact that Dalinar kissed her first. Dalinar tries to claim that he was seduced. “What? Seduced?” She glanced back at him. “ Dalinar, I’ve never been more open and honest in my life.”  “I know,” Dalinar said, smiling. ��That was the seductive part.” 

This is such a Good Ship

Anyway back with the bridgemen Moash just wants to flat-up attack Sadeas’ army and Kaladin is like. Nope. No. If we do that we will die. 

Yep, Dal is using the bridges again. I can’t remember if this is the time with the Tower or not. I’m on around the 900th page, so maybe? 

“a one-armed herdazian is still twice as useful as a nobrained Alethi. Plus, so long as I’ve got one hand, I can still do this” and then Lopen just flips off the army i love him. 

Also a soldier tries to take their water and Kal is ready to fight them. The soldier is like I don’t want to wait for our water crews and Kaladins like wow that’s too bad for you, and the soldier looks like he’s going to hit him and the entire fucking Bridge 4 gang forms up like buddy, if you punch Kaladin we’re going to have a Problem. 

The soldiers who aren’t assholes are even like, nice. 

Kaladin voice: oh god i hope they don’t notice that was a spear fighting formation WHOOPS And its time for operation Parshendi Armor. 

So everyone targets Kaladin, who can fucking dodge shit and surgebind, and not the bridges. Booyeah. All of bridge four is now yelling at him because of course they are. Matal, who is in charge of the bridges, threatens to have Kaladin strung up and Kaladin’s like yeah bc that worked so well for you guys last time. 

And Dalinar noticed that Parshendi archers were targeting Kaladin’s group and went in to save them. Dalinar is Good. And he even raised his Blade to salute Kaladin. So this time wasn’t the Tower, but that’s got to be the next full Bridge run we get. We’re close, now. 

Although Shen took this badly. Of course--these are the bodies of his people. But at the same time, Kaladin literally needs to do this to keep them all alive. All the choices here are bad, but this was the least bad. Kaladin also is trying to work out the logistics of leaving, realizing that staying is untenable, but leaving is impossible. Somehow they discount the possibility “Dalinar Kholin recruits you as a personal guard after you save his life.” 

Anyway Dalinar and Navani are now a thing. Their guards and clerks are starting to get a bit confused at how much time they spend together. And more discussion of Shshsh, who I hope we get the story of next book. God, I hope she’s not just one more fridged woman for male pain. 

Dalinar: how will we explain this to Elhokar??? Dalinar at the end of the book: yes i am fucking your mother goodbye 

...I still blame/thank Jazz for making me incapable of taking that scene seriously. 

Oh man, horns just sounded for a chasmfiend on the Tower HERE IT IS.  Kaladin, Dalinar, and Adolin are all getting ready for it, and the rate of my habitual leg-jiggle stim has like, doubled. Wonderful. 

And we also see Sadeas planning--trying to get Dalinar to commit most of his forces and leave behind his bridge crews. That sneaky bastard. Also Sadeas claims credit for the armored bridgemen idea. That dick. 

I’m gonna cut it here. I have a feeling I’ll scream a hell of a lot about the Tower. 

[ratthewrodent]

So this actually happened a few days ago, my temp suspension ran out so I'm not circumventing the suspension or anything.I was casually browsing reddit, and came across a post and in the comment thread people were discussing SFW subreddits that sounded dirty and sexual but really aren't and just have to do with cats or animals. Subreddits like /r/PocketPussy, /r/BlackPussies, /r/GirlsWithHugePussies, and /r/tightpussy, which are all entirely safe for work, but you wouldn't know by looking at the name.Well, there's another joke subreddit that exists, a few actually, that sound REALLY bad, but in the same vein as the rest are actually just innocent pictures of kittens and baby animals and is NOT SEXUAL in any way. These subreddits have existed on reddit with no issues since 2012, and have been allowed to exist through multiple reddit purges.But apparently me ONLY linking to them was considered sexualization of minors, despite no minors being involved and the subreddits have been allowed to exist for years with no issue. Not to mention the context of the thread I was replying to being about joke subreddits, and me putting "completely SFW too" in my comment.My comment read as follows:Haha Don't forget /r/████████████ or /r/████████████ (Completely SFW too)Obviously I had the real subreddit names, but I'm not making that mistake again. I just posted in one of them warning others, so check the post history of this account if you're curious. Apparently it's ok to post there as long as you don't say it's name. Might as well be considered Voldemort as far as Reddit is concerned.So the next day I get an automated message telling me that my account has been temporarily suspended for breaking Reddit's Content policy, claiming I was sexualizing minors, with no way for me to actually respond to explain the misunderstanding or double standards of a subreddit being allowed, but linking to the subreddit not being allowed.I'm thinking "What the hell? How is it that the subreddit I linked to doesn't break Reddit's content policy and has been allowed to exist for 8 years, but apparently me simply linking to it in a comment does?"So I look into how to appeal it and request an appeal.A bit later I get a text from my roommate: "Bro, we need to talk."Some context on this part, a few months ago we had a power outage and my phone died, and I signed into reddit on his phone to connect with other people in our area to see what was up. I accidentally left it signed in, and apparently him and his girlfriend used the app to browse reddit occasionally and never bothered to sign out. That's fine because I don't use that account to comment on porn or anything I'd be ashamed of really. Or so I thought.Then I get an automated message from reddit that my appeal has been denied. Not even a real person replied, and I still can't get a hold of someone to explain it.I get home and him and his girlfriend demand I give them my phone and computer, and tell me that they will be going to the police. I ask why, and they said they saw the message from reddit that I was sexualizing minors. They told me reddit caught me visiting underage porn subreddits and they were incredibly upset, called me a hypocrite for speaking out against human trafficking in the past.After I explained to them what happened, they did a 180 and realized the mistake, but apparently his girlfriend had already told our neighbors who told a few others, and one person said in a group chat "He should be reported to the police," and now my anxiety has me worried someone anonymously reported me to the police and I'm going to have to deal with that. I haven't done anything wrong, but it's 2020 and my faith in law enforcement is at an all time low.She's currently trying to rectify it, and I'm pissed at both of them for jumping to conclusions, but it is what it is, this pandemic and political atmosphere has made everyone crazy. But still, now I have to explain to people what happened and why I'm not a pedophile.Now I'm currently for the first time in my life trying to look into getting a lawyer or attorney to protect myself and my career, trying to work my professional contacts to get a hold of a real person at Reddit(I work in an adjacent industry), and added to my already horrible anxiety and depression from the toll this pandemic has done to me and my career.Talked to a friend of a friend who's a lawyer who told me to get a papertrail of me attempting to fight this so if I am put on some sex offender list it shows I didn't sit by and idly let it happen.tldr: I linked to a SFW and legal joke subreddit that sounds really bad but is just pictures of kittens, got accused of sexualizing minors, roommate and his gf accused me of being a pedophile, now I'm having to look into lawyering up so this doesn't somehow ruin my life or career.Edit: So I’m getting a lot of hate for my roommate and his GF. The thing is, I don’t agree, but I get it. Based on the very serious and threatening message reddit sent about the suspension, and the fact they were looking for advice on how to handle a potential pedophile they were living with, I get it. I’m not happy, but I get it.The reddit suspension message was basically this:Your account has been temporarily suspended from Reddit for minor sexualization due to your comments mentioning “/r/████████████” and “/r/████████████”.Reddit does not allow any sexual or suggestive content involving a minor or someone who appears to be a minor, including fantasy or other content (e.g. stories, “loli”/anime cartoons) that depicts, encourages, or promotes pedophilia, child sexual exploitation, or otherwise sexualizes a minor or someone who appears to be a minor. In some cases, depending on context, this may include minors that are fully clothed or are not in overtly sexual acts.If your behavior improves, you shouldn’t hear from us again. If this behavior continues, further punitive action may be taken, and in some cases reported to law enforcement. You can learn more about how to avoid future suspensions by taking a look at our Content Policy.This is an automated message; responses will not be received by Reddit admins.They saw that large description of prohibited conduct thinking that was a list of what I was banned for(and not just a general copy/paste list), looked at my comment linking to said joke subreddit, of course they didn’t click it because they thought it lead to child porn, and to them the dots were connected that I was posting pedophilic stuff.I just think it’s more fucked up that Reddit did that in the first place, without actually looking into the subreddit I was linking to or reading the context of the thread I was in, hell not even the part of my comment that says “Completely SFW too”. I don’t even know how their suspension system, whether it was automated or reviewed by an actual person, couldn’t figure out that the subreddit I linked to was active, SFW and about kittens, and allowed, and further when I explained that in my appeal it and STILL got denied.And you know what, even if my comment does technically break the minor sexualization content policy, my issue then would be that wouldn’t the subreddit itself also be breaking the content policy by existing? Why allow a subreddit to exist that no one is allowed to link to? Does that make sense to anyone? Punishing anyone who mentions it but leaving it up for people to link to?Edit 2: Ok, y’all need to chill about my friends, trust me, I know them better than all of you do haha. When it first happened, yeah I freaked out, but 5 days later and we’re laughing about it. I guess made it sound like I was still freaked out about them having called the cops, when in reality I’m freaked out that some shady reddit content monitoring algorithm put my main profile on some list or something to monitor.Like if this post is all you have to go on, I get it they seem like assholes, but if you lived this exact situation you’d see how they realistically came to believe it. That reddit message was a really convincingly frightening message, and all of you saying she should have verified, she thought that message WAS the verification because she couldn’t comprehend someone getting banned over something as inconsequential as saying two words out of context. That’s why I say if anything I blame her naivety that big companies don’t automate this stuff and mistakes.Like I can talk to my friends and prove my innocence to them because I’ve literally done nothing legally wrong, but I can’t talk to Reddit apparently to prove my innocence, so that’s what is freaking out. via /r/tifu