#header the summer of broken rules

[maddiesflame]

dina denoire x the summer of broken rules layouts

like/reblog if saved © maddiesflame

[pbandjesse]

The nausea was not as bad today! It was still there at times. But it was not as horrible and I was able to work through it for the most part.

And I had a pretty good day. I was very worried about going back to camp. I was anxious about not feeling good. I was tired. I didn't know what else besides my hammock would be broken. But it ended up being a really nice day.

I didn't sleep amazing. I had pretty intense nightmares again. And when my alarm went off my stomach hurt and I was not comfortable. But James would come upstairs and be all smiley and made me feel just a little better.

I got dressed and I really liked this shirt with this dress. I was feeling good about my look and that was nice.

James made me a breakfast sandwich and some snacks to bring to work. Which I would have for lunch later on. They would walk me to the car because they love me and promised to let me know how the fence install went.

I had a fine drive into camp. And when I got there I was pleasantly surprised. There was some stuff to put away but mainly everything was clean and good. A few of my toys that I have for the kids were a little worse for wear. A drum got broken. And was repaired kind of. But it was mainly fine.

I would get set up and worked on cutting clay into equal sized balls so that I could quickly hand out everything to the children throughout the day. And that was a nice little task. Just cutting and rolling and bagging them up. It was fun.

I had my breakfast and it was great. And I wished I and a second one. I knew it wouldn't actually make me feel great. But man it was good.

I had some time to hang in my hammock. And take a walk to the office to say hello to Heather and Alexi. Got a big hug from Heather. And checked in with her about picking up plaster at Home Depot this week. Which I may do on Wednesday but I need to check in about that.

My groups were great today. Everyone loved the project. I think it really helped that I talked about different scales, heroic, light sized, miniature. And how having such a small little munchkin of clay was a challenge I was giving them. And literally no one whined that they didn't have enough clay and I was so thrilled about that. And for the most part people worked really hard and it was great.

We had some fun pieces made. Video game characters. Animals. Food. Flowers. It's so fun to see what they come up with.

I teased the councilor who broke my hammock. He owned up to it and will pay me back for it. I already ordered the replacement. It made us have a real world example for why we have the hammock rules we do. Because he broke it flipping upside down! Which is a specific rule!!

I stayed at the art building during lunch. Ate my snack lunch and hung out in the hammocks and it was great. It made me feel a lot better. A lot more centered. And I only felt a little guilty for avoiding going to the dining hall. I just needed to be alone.

I got a lot of knitting today. And at the end of the day I counted and I have 66 squares done! I started using the last color I bought. Which is grey. I have two more skiens and then I'll have to get more. I think the rest of the squares will be black. I would like this to be majority a black quilt. I'm pretty pleased.

The afternoon was easy. Day camp was mainly great. We had one day camp one child who I don't think has ever been told no ever because the way he melted down was horrible. I couldn't even get him to breathe with me. He was just scream crying. It was rough. But then another child I realized I knew from the nursery school I subbed at! He was and is such a sweetie and he was so cute. I love when kids from my winter life intersect with my summer life. It's nice to see them grow up a little bit at a time.

My last group was bontkirchen. James had let me know when the contractors were there and starting the fence. But around this time they were leaving to go to a double header baseball game. So I would be there for the end of the job. And I would be leaving camp early to have my virtual rhumatologist appointment. Bontkirchen is always chill though so it was just fine.

The girls would do beads and bracelets and hang in the hammocks. Sew and play with clay and I enjoyed their company. I was chomping at the bit to go though. I was anxious about being late. It ended up absolutely not mattering. But at 3 I said goodbye and headed home.

The drive home was a struggle because I was so tired and the nausea came back the worst it was all day. And right as I was pulling into our street the rhumatologist called me to check me in. But the actual appointment wouldn't be for almost an hour.

I went inside and the contractors were in the kitchen filling a bucket with water for the concrete. I was excited to see what they had done so far.

And the fence was mostly up! And it looked great. But it wasn't the correct fence! I have decided that it's fine. That I like it. But we had ordered a lattice topped fence?? So this was confusing but I decided that I don't actually care that much.

The contractors were nice. James had mostly spoken to them in Spanish and they seemed nervous around me. I kept telling them they could come inside and get water or whatever they needed but they were so nervous! It was fine. They were great and working so hard. It was so crazy hot outside and they were doing so good.

I went downstairs to check on Sweetp and he was upset that he had been banished to the basement all day. He kept trying to escape and I bumped him in the head with the door and I felt so bad! But he was okay and just had to be patient.

I waited upstairs for my appointment. And it would take forever to get on the call but I did get on it and it was a nice chat about my pains and aches and such. And I was done by 445.

And that was good. Because soon the contractors were calling for me. And I went down and got them ice water. And asked them to add some extra wood at the bottom of the fence so there wasn't so much of a gap. They would do it on the one wall but not the other and I didn't notice until later so I'll have to deal with that soon. But that's alright. A small thing.

They finished up and I thanked them and they left. And I got to work putting things back together. And I am absolutely thrilled.

I struggled with getting the catio back in place but I got everything else. And I was just really happy. And also so incredibly hot. I have no idea how they were working out there. Because I thought I was going to die I was so overheated after sweeping and moving the rugs and planter boxes.

I was basically shaking and sweating. And went and sat in the shower and ran cold water on myself until I felt like a person again.

Only then would I wash my hair and my self and I felt a lot better. Still not incredible but a lot better.

Once I was clean and dressed I would do some cleaning downstairs. I soaked Crabcake. I wiped down the kitchen. I put up a fly strip because having the door open for so long today let I. A bunch of flies which I hate!!

And while I was doing that cleaning I had vegan fish fillets in the oven.

I laid on the couch and had my dinner and it was great. James was at the baseball game and was having fun with our friends.

But then there was thunder. And all of a sudden a crazy crazy storm came in. The backyard was flooding. The street was flooding. It was wild! I ran around the house making sure that there wasn't any water coming in. Cleaned up the water that was from the guest room and the back door. The power briefly went out. It was just a lot!

I couldn't even look out the door for any length of time because the rain was so heavy. I would post up in bed to watch it from my window.

James and crew were getting rained out hard at the game. James couldn't even leave to come home it was raining so bad. But once the rain calmed down they would come home to me.

And now they are there!! They moved the last couple pieces in the backyard and we are thrilled. The backyard seems so much bigger. And I'm just really happy. Even if it isn't exactly what we wanted it's so good. We have a few more things to fix out there but that's okay. I am just really happy. James is going to see if we can get some compensation for things being wrong and off schedule. But I will leave that to them.

Now it is time to rest. Tomorrow is a long day and I hope it is a good time. It is supposed to rain more. But that is okay. I am just looking forward to a good day.

Sleep well everyone. I hope you are safe and happy. Goodnight!!

[falsegoodnight]

a new header??? it matches better <3 these are the fics I read or reread and enjoyed this month! like last time, i’m separating it into different sections: main list, wips, and non-1d. rereads will be included in the main list and marked with a star (*). 

*note: this list encompasses the fics i’ve read from the 1st to the 28th only

—

main list ~

✰ Don’t Wait Up by reliablyimperfect | NR | 1k

Without Harry’s warmth next to him, he felt the chill of the air creep over his skin. He tugged the blanket down from where Harry kept one draped over the back of the couch for him, grateful. With the blanket, he instantly felt warmer, but it backfired when his eyes began to droop again. Trying to keep his eyes open was impossible, and he was consciously aware of how long his blinks were becoming. They stay closed longer and longer until, eventually, they didn’t open again.

so soft and sweet and lovely! made my heart feel so warm <3 will return to this for some quick comfort in the future!

✰ my ugly mouth kept running by @hadestyles | E | 4k

Sometimes second chances are more important than the first.

rori’s lush writing + abo + exes to lovers = absolute perfection. my fic cameo gives it a bonus too :’) definitely one of my rori favs 

✰ i’ve loved you three summers now honey, i want them all by @softloubabie | M | 4k

The restaurant was small and bright, soft colors filled the walls and tables and fairy lights hung from everywhere. From what Harry had read, the food wasn’t overly expensive but it was still comparable to what you would get at one of the more expensive places. If Harry could he would take Louis to the biggest most expensive and extravagant restaurants to do what he planned to tonight, but this would do.

After being led to their table Harry nervously tapped his jacket pocket, sighing in relief when he felt the small box still there. Tonight was the night. He couldn’t wait till it was time to surprise Louis with all the gifts he got for him. Then finally the big surprise.

so cute and sweet! their kids were so adorable and the proposal so lovely!! they love each other so much <3

✰ love me in between the future and the past by navigator & quitter | E | 11k

Harry's scared of history repeating itself.

this honestly hurt to read but in such a raw and emotional way?? was mad at harry and then sad for him :( this writer duo’s fics never fail to amaze me!

✰ sunshine on my mind by @raspberryoatss | E | 13k

Louis visits Harry in Portland

this was so sweet and lovely! the perfect addition to this wonderful universe! pip’s characterizations and fluff never fails to make my heart feel warm <3

✰ rapture in the dark by @stylinsonsupporter | T | 13k

Harry Styles is a breakout musician who has shed his boyband label in favor of embracing his inner brooding rockstar. His PR team think that his rebrand is the perfect time for Harry to come out of the closet and have devised the perfect plan for doing so. Enter Louis Tomlinson, up and coming (and very openly homosexual) model whose public image as America's Sweetheart is the perfect foil for Harry's new edge. From a PR standpoint, it's a dream come true - a power couple that can slowly coax the public into accepting Harry's altered image. The only problem? They hate each other.

always love a good fake dating au and this is no exception! and model louis >> really enjoyed this!

✰ Maybe, Baby* by thoughtsickles | M | 16k | mpreg

It all feels too easy, too good to be true. It all feels like a scene from Louis' daydreams, the kind of life he'd always imagined he'd have when he was younger and bored at his momma's work, sneaking around the hallways of the maternity ward until the nurses let him in to hold the babies. He'd felt so important being allowed to touch them. He'd told them stories of the lives they were going to have, houses with nice wallpaper that wasn't peeling, yards filled with sunshine and flowers and grass that never went yellow. A hammock to nap in, cuddled up with his husband.

You can't stay here, he tells himself, but Baby doesn't want to listen.

have reread this one quite a bit of times now and it still makes me so happy <3 this Louis and Harry deserve the world <333

✰ Let Me Inside by reliablyimperfect | E | 18k

Louis is Harry’s boss, but Harry is the boss of Louis. 

loved this one! really enjoyed the balance between h&l and how they maintained their dynamic in subtle ways outside of the bedroom while also keeping it separate. very much enjoyed the jealousy as well <3

✰ a scintilla of predilection by @dehydratedpoolfics | T | 20k

There, in the far back of the room, next to the only available seat left, is none other than Harry Styles. Harry, who grew up next door to him, who knew all his secrets as a child and played FIFA with him on Saturday mornings after he would spend the night Friday evenings every week, whose curly hair would tickle his nose as they held each other during bitter cold nights that made his room glow a haunting blue.

love ex-childhood friends with misunderstandings!! louis was so cute and i loved his poetry <3 harry too was so stupid but so smitten and lovely :’) really enjoyed this!

✰ Keeping The Flame Alive by @crazyupsetter​ | E | 20k

Recording with One Direction never felt like this. There’s a couple reasons for that, Harry thinks. One is that they did most of their recording on the road, rushed and in busses and hotel rooms, never in one place long enough to really get an argument going. The other, larger and more important one, is that back then he had the sweetest, meanest little omega around to distract him from all of that frustration.

The first time around, when he’d been recording his debut solo album, it hit him pretty hard. He likes to think he’s better adjusted to it now, but frustration is warring under his skin nonetheless. He doesn’t want to be told what to do most of the time, and he especially doesn’t want to be told what to do when it comes to his music.

What he does want right now is that sweet, mean little omega right in front of him with his mouth on Harry’s cock. Unfortunately, the best he’s got is his own hand and a shared toilet. So. That’s really not going to work.

✰ like it’s a game* by @soldouthaz | E | 32k

There is little Harry hates more than truth or dare.

And Louis.

queen of enemies to lovers! it’s been a while since i’ve reread this but too absolutely no surprise, it’s just as amazing as always <3 sarah never misses!

✰ Too Young To Know by @2tiedships2 | M | 35k

Harry doesn’t present as an alpha… until he does.

really enjoyed this as per usual! exes to lovers is my jam and the added angst of Louis dating someone else at the beginning... love <3

✰ Some Things Take Root* by  navigator & quitter | E | 50k

Louis' ex doesn't get jealous of anyone besides Harry. Harry helps Louis use that to his advantage.

stumbled upon this randomly and decided to reread on a whim... ended up staying up to read it in one sitting! so good!

✰ Safe and Sound (You’ll Always Be) by @all-these-larrythings | E | 58k

When a failed case and a guilty conscience leaves Harry more than a little lost, his boss presents him with a new, less taxing assignment to help him cope. An escape from all the madness is just what Harry needs to get his life back on track. It's just too bad his new client has a grin like the devil, a pair of electric eyes that Harry simply can't get over, and no intention whatsoever of letting him catch a break.

i don’t know how i’ve never read this before??? it was absolutely amazing though! perfect blend of humor and fluff and tension and angst <3

✰ Mind Over Matter (You Under Me) by @youreyesonlarry | E | 74k

It’s dark outside when Harry finishes practice for the day. 

the slow burn in this fic killed me - which is to say, it was perfect! loved how they progressed from working together to being friends to something more and how much they genuinely cared for each other! the hockey was so fun too!

✰ Call Out My Name by frenchkiss | E | 102k

Apparently, it's bad PR to fall in love with the omega you hired to help you through your rut.

Harry Styles begs to differ.

ellen truly knocked it out of the park with this one!! had everything i could ever want: abo, famous/non-famous, fluff, humor, angst, drama, and more! i loved it from beginning to end!

wips ~

✰ ‘cause all our tomorrows lead the way by @loubellies | E | 64k | 7/11

So maybe Louis’ in over his head.

He had signed up for the Bachelor on a whim after his second bottle of wine and well, here he is. He’s just been announced as the twenty-sixth Bachelor and his ass is sweating. Like, literally sweating. He’s positive that if he was to turn around, the entirety of Bachelor Nation would get a nice peek of his ass sweat.

am thoroughly enjoying each chapter!! it’s been a wild ride so far and although things are currently calm, i am still on edge!! but i trust mar with my life <3

✰ Truth Behind Golden Eyes by @lwtisloved | E | 83k | 8/16 

Louis is a royal servant born with magic in a kingdom where his sole existence is outlawed with a war he has no idea he has a part in upon him. Harry is the prince on whom the burden of mending a broken kingdom falls upon and he might be willing to risk it all for a simple servant if only he admitted it to himself.

caught up last night! still really enjoying every chapter and can’t wait to see what happens next!! things are *happening* with h&l and answers are being given!! (love the jealousy too!)

non-1d ~

✰ Keep Me Close (I Need Your Faith) by @princelouisau | E | 23k

Somewhere along the way he had fallen in love and in doing so, had broken the one rule he knew he couldn’t come back from. As quickly as he realised, he decided that he must never dare speak it. He resigned himself to loving Draco in silence.

first foray into reading drarry... and, to no one’s surprise, i loved it! beautiful writing as always and beautiful atmosphere! it’s really not a shock that i fell for these characters and their story when danielle is behind it <3 it had me entranced from beginning to end!!

finally, i myself actually posted a fic this month:

my fics ~

✰ yesterday came suddenly by me | E | 49k | mpreg 

Harry the deadliest member of the NYC assassins’ guild, is forced to face a seemingly impossible task in hopes of finally leaving the underground behind for good, but when ghosts from the past come back to haunt him, escaping the darkness becomes that much harder.

If you read any of these beautiful works of art, remember to leave kudos and comment to show your appreciation!

*if i made any errors, please let me know :)

enjoy!

[staticscreenwriting]

All you have to be is here - Part 5

Synopsis: Billy has fucked up and has to do 60 days of community service at a home for troubled kids and youth. Working with the kids there makes him learn a lot about himself. Also there’s a girl there his age whohas a phenomenal smile and who is way too nice to him.

I guess I should mention there’s a lot of angst in this. Talk of substance abuse later on, physical abuse, emotional abuse. All that kind of gnarly real life stuff. It deals with kids and teens struggling with a a shitty family life so be aware of that.

Part 5 of ?

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4

Had to reupload because I forgot to tag and once I added the tags it wouldn’t show up under “most recent”. Please help a girl out by reblogging. Thank you ♥

[additional note: I am German. Sometimes I get the tense wrong or make mistakes. I am useless when it comes to punctuation. Go easy on me, please.  I’ll make a header image at some point.]

I never really ever felt so adored before Never really ever felt this type of vulnerable Don’t have to hide, don’t have to fear All you have to be is here Never really ever felt so adored before And I said I wanna feel like this forever Even if forever’s just for now We’re on fire, let us burn As the outside world, it turns We are here and alive In our corner of time Forevermore

The Arcade smells like sweat, cream soda and cool ranch doritos. Some radio friendly pop song is playing from the overhead stereo and the flashing lights of the games are driving Billy slightly mad.

He lets his eyes scan the room for the familiar mop of fiery red hair while his fingernails are digging into his palms creating crescent shapes on his skin. It’s a nervous habit he’s picked up a while ago.

She’s not here. She’s not here. The voices in his head call out to him as his heart speeds up beat by beat. She’s not here and you’ll have to suffer the consequences.

She’s not here and you’ll have to suffer.

There’s a guy leaning against the front desk, flicking through a magazine while stuffing his face with handful after handful of chips.

“ Hey uh— “ Billy approaches and glances at guy’s the name tag “— Keith, you seen a little girl around ? Bout this tall, red hair ? “

He’s met with a scowl and a raised eyebrow.

“ Why ? “

His blood starts to boil. The last thing he needs right now is this nerd giving him an attitude.

“ ‘cause she’s my sister and I was supposed to pick her up and take her home but I can’t see her anywhere. “

“ Max ? “

Billy wonders for a second if he should be concerned that this weird dude knows his sister by name then again Max spends a shit ton of time here so really It’s not too surprising.

“ Yeah, that’s her. So ? “

“ Mmh. She left like an hour ago. “ Keith says then looks back down at his magazine effectively ending the conversation.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Billy hurries back outside, dusk coloring the sky is hues of orange and pink.

She’s probably at the Sinclairs’ place or the Wheelers’ or wherever the fuck her and her friends hang out these days. To check all the places in hope to find her would take pretty much the whole evening and in the end, what difference will it make ? Neil’s gonna chew him out one way or another.

So he drives home sans Max, gripping the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles turn white. Those are the moments that make him feel like he’s 8 years old again, getting yelled at during baseball practice for not sliding the way his dad has told him to. It makes him feel just the way he did at 9 sitting at the kitchen table watching his dad scream at his mom, calling her names.

It makes him feel like a small vulnerable child.

Lost.

Broken.

Scared.

                            Billy drags himself through the door, drops his keys in the little decorative bowl and throws his jacket over the recliner before trudging towards the kitchen. Every steps feels harder than the next, as if his feet get heavier and heavier the closer the gets to his dad. Like a cow on the way to the slaughterhouse.

Neil sits comfortably by the dining table, newspaper in hand while Susan is buzzing around the room preparing the food and cleaning up all at once. Billy doesn’t think he’s ever seen his dad help around the house, ever. Not back when mom was here and not with Susan.

At the sound of his steps, both Neil and Susan turn towards the door and focus on Billy. Neil’s eyes hold the familiar cold stare. There’s absolutely no warmth in them, no hint of tenderness, love, anything positive really. Billy wonders if there ever has been. If there has been a time when Neil felt some kind of affection towards anyone. He truly can’t remember a time when his dad was treating him particularly nicely but mom or Susan surely had to have had a reason to marry this man. There must have been something redeeming about him.

“ Where’s Max. “ Neil barks at his son.

Well hello to you too.

“ She wasn’t there. I went to pick her up. She wasn’t there. “

Billy is painfully aware that his words mean nothing to Neil, that whatever he says to defend himself is just a drop of water on a hot stone. It’s for nought. It makes no difference.

“ So you just left ? “ Neil replies, neatly folding the newspaper and getting off his chair. He moves agonizingly slow, calculates every move as a predator would before going in for the kill.

“ What was I supposed to — “

“ Did I or did I not, tell you to bring Max home ? “ Neil interrupts.

“ She wasn’t there, dad. I’m not her babysitter. I don’t know where all her friends live. If she runs off how is that my fault ? “

He’s gonna have to face the consequences one way or another, might as well get his frustrations out. Billy knows that talking back isn’t the smartest idea but he’s also incredibly thick headed. His mom never raised a quitter but maybe she did raise a fool and that’s one hell of a combination.

“ I’m sorry ? “ his dad asks, thick mean eyebrows raised in mock confusion. He’s heard him alright.

“ You heard me alright. I was there when I was supposed to be there. It’s not my fault she— “

His head hits the wall before he can even finish the sentence. Neil grips his jaw so tightly Billy is sure he’s gonna leave bruises. Again.

“ You are her older brother. You’re supposed to take care of her. Be responsible. I thought I raised you right but it seems you’re just as much of an irresponsible brat as your mother. You’re a disgrace, Billy. You disgust me. No wonder she left“.

Billy is certain that Neil knows bringing up his mother hits him where it hurts the most. Ever since she left, Neil hasn’t missed a single occasion to make Billy feel responsible for it.. In the logical, rational part of his brain, Billy knows this is bullshit. That it was the yelling, the fights, the bruises that made her leave. But there’s a part of him, the part that remembers baseball games ending in tears and smashed plates on the dining room floor.

And that part believes every single painful word coming from Neil’s lips.

That part feels overcome with guilt every single day of his life.

“ Now you listen to me, son. You go out there now and look for her and you better pray to god that you find her. “

He accentuates his words with another slap to the face effectively banging Billy’s head against the wall again before shoving him towards the door.

There’s blood running down his nose as he grabs his jacket and keys and rushes outside. Just as the door slams shut and he looks up, a pair of eyes stare back at him.

Max looks guilty, like a dog being caught doing something it knows it shouldn’t be doing. “ Billy I — “

He doesn’t stay to listen, just shoves past her and gets inside his car driving off.

It’s not Max’s fault. He know this. At least not really. It’s entirely and solely Neil’s fault. For being a fucking asshole. An abusive fucking asshole. He’s the one throwing the punches. He’s the monster here.

Though Max constantly running off, constantly rebelling doesn’t help Billy’s cause in the slightest. He knows she doesn’t do it on purpose. But the thing is, she does it anyway and he’s the one having to deal with the consequences.

Now he rather takes the punches himself than have Neil put a hand on Max but still, he wishes she could just stick to the rules a little more. Spare him some bruises.

His head is pounding, throbbing. It’s hard to focus on the street right now. Trees pass by in a blur. He knows it’s dangerous to continue driving but he needs to get away. Just a little further. Just a little.

Blood is still trickling down his nose, dripping off his chin. A glance in the rearview mirror confirms his suspicion that he looks like a fucking mess right now. He wonders if mommy dearest ever imagined this was the outcome. That this is what she left him with. Bruises and bloody noses and a head that feels like exploding any second. He wonders if she cares that she did.

The lights before him shift and shimmer, dancing before his eyes like fireflies on a warm summer’s night.

He realizes he needs to stop before his vision goes completely blurry and he ends up crashing the Camaro into a tree. Not his baby.

A sign catches his eye and he pulls the car off the road and drives up the little gravel driveway towards the building that displays in bold red letters on a big white board that this is Benny’s diner and it serves “the best burgers in all of Hawkins” — their words not Billy’s.

As he gets out of his car he can feel just how lightheaded he really is, having to hold onto the Camaro for a moment to collect himself. It’s usually bad but today is a new high or low, however you wanna see it. Billy wonders if Neil finds some sick satisfaction is seeing just what kind of damage he’s doing to his son. Seeing the marks he leaves when someone doesn’t follow the rules.

It’s all about power. It’s always been. Physically and emotionally and no matter how much Billy wants to pretend he’s in charge, that’s absolute bullshit. His dad holds it all in the palm of his hand, pulling Billy along on a set of invisible strings. He knows which buttons to push, which words to spit out. Neil knows where it hurts the most — physically and emotionally.

Before he even really thinks about it, Billy drags himself towards the payphone connected to the outside of the diner. It looks worn and dirty but he can only hope it still works.

His hands are shaky as he throws some spare change into the machine before pushing down the buttons of the number he’s never used and yet still knows by heart. Just in case.

Just in case.

Just in —

“ Hello ? “ she sounds sleepy and Billy can only imagine her hair is all over the place and her makeup is smeared, half on her face still half printed onto her pillowcase.

“ Hey, it’s me. “

“ Billy ? “

“ Mmh. Did I wake you ? “

“ I uh — no. No you didn’t. “ It’s a lie. He can tell immediately though he appreciates the thought. She doesn’t want him to feel bad, wants him to know she doesn’t mind. It makes his heart feel just a little less heavy.

“ Are you alright ? “

Is he ? No. It’s the truth. The honest answer. Though it’s not the simple answer. There is no more simple in his life. There hasn’t been in a long time.

Everything in his life is just another knot in a tangled web of anger and fear and feelings he never allowed himself to feel.

What does he tell her though ? Yes, and lie. Or no and try to figure out just how to explain his entire shitty situation over a pay phone call.

He doesn’t answer at all. Because this question calls for a simple answer and he has none of those.

“ Do you know Benny’s diner ? “

“ In Hawkins ? Yeah. Why ? “

“ Can you — “ he takes a deep breath.

This is so awfully familiar. Can you come ? Can you stay with me ? Can you rescue me from this all consuming darkness that never seems to go away ?

He’s asked his fair share of questions just like that. Can you please come home. Can you ? Can you, mom ? I miss you.

He doesn’t want to ask again now because hearing the answer he’s heard all those other times, will break his heart. — No.

“ Can I what ? Come around ? Is that where you’re calling from ? Lemme just get dressed and I’ll be there, okay ? “

His heart breaks right there. Then reassembles. There’s still pieces missing but for a moment, for a fleeting second it feels like some of the cracks are temporarily filling up.

“ You sure ? “

“ I’m sure. Always !“

“ Okay.  “

“ Okay. Hey Billy ? “

“ Yeah ? “

“ Can you go inside and safe us a booth. And order me some cheese fries and a cherry coke ? “

He smirks at that, wipes the blood from his face and leans his forehead against the wall.

“ Always. “

                            Billy’s fingers nervously play with the chipping wood of the table before him. He can see the waitress eyeing him with an unreadable expression. He’s not sure if she regards him with worry or lust — or both.

She’s about to do her third round to refill his glass of water, when the bell above the door chimes up and figure rushes inside, denim jacket wrapped tightly around herself.

(Y/N) plops down across from Billy, hair wild and face void of all makeup. He can faintly make out a pillow print on her right cheek.

“ Hi, sorry it took so — oh my god. “

There’s pure and unfiltered horror on her face. As if she’s looking straight at a murder scene.

“ It’s that bad, huh ? And here I thought I could charm you with my exceptionally good looks. “ he jokes. She doesn’t laugh though. Not even a little bit. Not even a smirk or a grin. Nothing.

Instead her eyes hold a deep worry he hasn’t seen from anyone but her in such a long time, it still feels otherworldly and incredibly foreign to him.

“ What happened ? “

That’s the thing. Nothing happened. Nothing out of the ordinary and maybe that’s the biggest tragedy of them all.

Billy shrugs “ Guess my dad just isn’t my biggest fan. “

He can see just then it all clicks in her head. The bruises and the bloody nose and the constant state of anger.

“ Oh Billy “ she says, her voice but a whisper. “ Oh god. “

Before he can comprehend what’s happening she’s slid out of her side of the booth and sits down next to him. Her arms wrap around him and she buries her face in the crook of his neck. She’s warm and soft and gentle and it’s the complete opposite of the touches he’s used to from his dad.

He decides then, that her hugs are definitely in his top 5 list of favorite things on this earth.

(Y/N) slowly pulls away then gingerly cups his face trying to examine the damage.

Her eyes are glistening with unshed tears just waiting to fall. Billy doesn’t think he’s even close to be deserving of her worry, her affection and her love. But there is no way in hell he’s gonna reject it. He needs it. My god, he needs it so terribly.

“ Pretty boy, what am I gonna do with you ? “ she softly murmures, he assumes it’s just as much a question to herself as it is to him.

If only he had any idea how to answer it.

“ You think I’m pretty ? “

It doesn’t take away the gravity of the situation, the insanely heavy burden resting on them both. It does make her smile though and that’s more than he can ask for right now.

                            They spend the next hour at the diner, sharing some cheesy fries and listening to the 50s records playing over the stereo. (Y/N) doesn’t leave his side, not for a single second. He’s grateful. Having her close feels like things aren’t about to fall apart any second. She’s filling the cracks with smiles and warmth. She’s holding the seams together with soft touches and whispered words of affection.

“ Tell me something “ he says after stuffing another load cheesy fries into his mouth.

“ What do you want me to tell you ? “

“ I dunno. Something about you. I feel like you know a lot about me and I don’t know shit about you. “

She looks pensive for a moment, deep in thought as if carefully calculating just what secrets she wants to spill to Billy at 11pm in a diner at the edge of town.

He can’t fault her for that. Opening up is terrifying.

“ My mom died when I was 12 “ she replies after a moment of silence.

“ I’m sorry “.

She nods then leans her head against his shoulder “ she was a great mom. She loved me so much we were pretty much best friends, did everything together. Things were really tough for us but she always tried so hard to make life fun and happy for me. “

His mom did try, for a while. He always believed she loved him too. Then she ran off with some dude name Jeff she met at fucking Cracker Barrel. Seems like there was only so much love from her to be given to other people. And in the end Jeff won out over Billy.

“ What about your dad ? “

(Y/N) closes her eyes and takes a deep breath “ My dad was in jail for pretty much the biggest part of my childhood. Never for long but soon as he got out he found a way t get back in. When he was home he was — a rollercoaster of a person. He had times when he was the most fun person in the world, taking me to the fair and the movies and making up stories of make believe worlds. I love that man, that dad. But there were times, and they got more and more as time went on, when he was angry and scary and violent. Never to me but my mom was always on the receiving end of his wrath. I sat in my room covering my ears hoping the yelling would stop but then also fearing the moment it would because the silence was even scarier. When she was yelling at least I knew she wasn’t slumped on the floor bleeding or crying. “

There’s cold and hot shivers running up and down his spine as he listens to her story. If there’s one person in this world that he wishes he could take the pain from, it’s (Y/N). If he could just take it from her and put it all on himself, he would.

“ I was 10 when I called the police after finding my mom unconscious on the living room floor and dad gone. They arrested him again, put up a restraining order. Mom and I moved to Hawkins to be with my grandparents. Then she got sick. She died when I was 12 and I stayed with my pop and nan for a while but they — they’re old. They aren’t fit to raise a teenager so when I was 15 I got myself emancipated. That’s why I work at HHTCY. It’s a requirement to show that I am capable of living on my own and being responsible. Dad tries to contact me every once in a while. I don’t want to see him though. As far as I am concerned my father died along with my childhood when I had to pick my mother off of the floor, bleeding and unconscious. “

Billy doesn’t know what to say, there’s no words in the english language to properly express just how sorry he is that she had to go through this. How much he wishes she didn’t. How much he just wants all the pain gone and wrap her in up in quilt of safety and warmth.

So he doesn’t say anything, just pulls her closer and places a kiss on her head.

“ Pretty girl, you’re probably the most badass person I know. “

She sniffles then glances up at him with a tiny smile “ you think I’m pretty ? “

                            When they arrive at (Y/N)’s place, Luke the cat runs up to them, rubbing himself on Billy’s leg and purring up a storm. Though he never considered himself to be a cat person, Billy can admit that he’s warming up to this one particular feline. Luke is fat and happy and content. Maybe Billy is even a bit envious of him. Oh to be a housecat. What a glorious life.

(Y/N) disappears in her room for a moment and Billy let’s himself slump down on the couch. His head feels better though it’s still lightyears away from feeling good. The night feels like a goddamn hurricane of emotions. His mind was so loud at first, felt like it was never gonna shut up with thoughts of what is and what could be. Now it’s quieter, softer. Like a cozy blanket has been draped around him. To keep out the cold. The noise.

Billy kicks off his boots and takes off his red shirt leaving him in a white wife-beater. Just as he is about to lay down on the couch and settle down for the night, the door to (Y/N)’s bedroom opens and she calls out to him.

“ Billy ? “

“ Hmm ? “

She doesn’t reply, just reaches out her hand towards him waiting for him to take it.

He does. No question asked. He doesn’t know what it is about this girl, and quite honestly it terrifies him, but he would follow her to the end of the earth. Something about her puts things in perspective. No matter how cheesy it sounds, how much it makes him look like a pussy, but this girl has changed his life in the matter of about a week. This girl has brought some kind of sunshine to him. Has put parts of his heart back where they belong.

Her hand looks tiny in his. It’s such a stark contrast, her soft smooth skin against his all rough and calloused. It shouldn’t feel right but it does. It feels like it the only thing that’s right in his life. It feels perfect.

“ I can not let you sleep on the couch in this condition. I — it’s too small for you and it’s uncomfortable. “

“ It’s alright. “

She just shakes her head. “ I don’t want you to sleep alright. I want you to sleep well. Comfortable and warm and cozy. “

She has the most gorgeous eyes he’s ever seen. Like stars. How fucking cheesy.

“ So what, you gonna let me sleep in your bed ? “ he jokes, teasingly raising his eyebrow.

He thinks his heart about stops when she bites her lip and nods, pulling him towards her bedroom. And it’s not because of any sexual implications. This feels so much more intimate than casual sex ever could. Just the mere thought of falling asleep next to her sends a weird tingling sensation through him. To fall asleep holding her. To wake up next to her. Messy hair and pillow print and sleepy eyes and tired smile and all.

“ Okay. “ and this time it’s his words that don’t come out as more than a whisper.

                            The morning sun shines through the curtains of (Y/N) bedroom window, enveloping the room in a golden glow.

Billy opens his eyes to the sudden brightness lighting up the room. A glance at the clock on (Y/N)’s bedside table tells him that it’s 9:42, they’re already late for school might as well sleep in. After last night’s events neither of them thought of setting an alarm.

Billy looks beside him to the sleeping girl still blissfully unaware of anything but her dreams. He hopes they’re good ones. A selfish part of him hopes there’s a place for him there somewhere in her dreams.

It’s a strange sensation to wake up in a girl’s bed when he hasn’t had sex with her. He doesn’t think it ever happened before. Strange. Not uncomfortable though. Not at all.

As if sensing someone looking at her, (Y/N) grumbles in her sleep then reaches out towards Billy. When her hands find his arm, she crawls closer towards him and cuddles into his side as if it’s no big deal. And maybe it isn’t. Friends cuddle all the time, right ?

Thing is, it IS a big deal. At least to Billy it is. He’s not cuddled with anyone is such a long time. He definitely doesn’t cuddle his hookups. That’s way too intimate. Way too personal.

Billy Hargrove never thought of himself as a cuddler but as he pulls (Y/N) closer and feels her warm and soft against him, he thinks he might have been wrong about that. If this is what cuddling feels like, he’s definitely a cuddler.

So he closes his eyes again to fall back to sleep with the girl in his arms that changes everything.

                            “ Can’t believe you convinced me to skip school. You’re a bad influence Billy Hargrove. “

Driving along the roads of Huckley, sunshine flooding the streets, the two chew away on their late late breakfast to go. Having agreed that there was no point in going to school after having missed quite a bit, the two of them decided to just head over to HHTCY a little earlier than usually.

“ We were late anyway. And don’t pretend like you don’t enjoy it. There aren’t enough scoundrels in your life. “

(Y/N) gasps “ did you just quote Star Wars to me ? Holy shit, Billy Hargrove is a nerd after all. “

“ Ah shut up. “

He doesn’t want her to shut up though. He’ll gladly listen to her ramble on about some nerdy movies he doesn’t really give a shit about if it means she’s happy. If it means he gets to see her smile.

“ So what’s on the agenda today ? “ Billy asks before taking another bite from his bagel.

“ There’s a uh — group session. “ she says, glancing at Billy. Though her eyes don’t meet his. Instead they rest on the bruises scattered across his face.

“ Why are you looking at me like that ? “

“ Mmm, you know, a lot of the kids there come from homes where they’ve experienced domestic violence. Talking about it helps them, maybe — “

“ — I’m not gonna talk about my feeling with some looney doctors “.

“ You could talk to me “.

Billy puts the car in park but doesn’t get out, just stares straight ahead trying to find the right words. He hasn’t had anyone to talk to in so long it’s hard and scary to change his ways. He wants to talk to her it’s just so much to unpack, half of it he hasn’t even dealt with himself.

“ I know that. “

“ Good, that’s all I want. Always, yeah ? “

He nods and places a soft kiss on the top of her head before getting out of the car and walking towards the big brick building.

Even her hair feels soft and warm, goddammit.

                            With every story shared Billy gets more and more angry. His blood keeps bubbling and boiling at the thought of what some of these kids have been through.

It makes him acutely aware of the bruises littering his skin. Though he’s a big guy, he can take it. These are kids. Innocent kids who don’t do anything wrong. They didn’t ask for this. The dysfunctional family dynamics. The frustration and the stress and the blame and the hurt.

What makes him even more angry, is that some of the adults in this room, professionals or not, don’t seem to grasp the situations. They have a lot of nice words the shower the kids with. They’re empty phrases though, written by someone who’s never had to go through the struggles he thinks can be overcome with positive thinking and focusing on the good in the world. The happy things.

“ Try to focus on the good things “

Enough. Enough.

Fucking enough.

“ That’s such bullshit. “

It’s the first time he’s ever spoken up in any session, ever, which means all eyes immediately focus solely on Billy. Then again, maybe it was also because of the swearing.

“ Would you like to participate in our discussion, Mr. Hargrove ? “ Lydia questions, still slightly perplexed by the fact that Billy of all people is suddenly showing interest in the conversation.

“ Sure. I said It’s bullshit ! “

“ Excuse me ? “

“ Oh you heard me. This whole thinking positive shit is old news. That stuff doesn’t work for someone who comes from a completely normal family and it most certainly doesn’t help when your dad thinks a new black eyes would really suit you. There’s no positive thoughts to fall back on when you’re all alone in your room with nothing but yelling from downstairs and the fear that once this fight is over you’re the next to feel the wrath.

A positive side doesn’t exist for most things in my life. In those kids’ lives. The good stuff is fine and the bad stuff is real fucking bad. Horrible. No happy thoughts for those days when you’re covered in bruises and blood from your nose courtesy of your father’s fist. You tell those kids that one day the good is gonna outweigh the bad. How can you be so sure ? Cause I can tell you right now, so far I can’t confirm that. “

“ Billy “ (Y/N) approaches him, placing her hand on his arm. He doesn’t shake her off though he’s not finished.

“ Stop telling the kids that the storm is gonna blow over. Maybe it will but the damage is done and It’s gonna weigh down on them for a long time. A long ass time. And you get so used to feeling nothing but anger and sadness. So when a good thing comes in your life, it’s fucking terrifying., because what if this too ends up leaving, what if you mess up this good thing ? “ he says then look over towards (Y/N) then back to Lydia “ You don’t tell ‘em that, do you ? “

Billy doesn’t wait for an answer, just rushes out the room, hands clammy at the anger and frustration cursing through his system.

He leans against the cool brick wall of the building, taking drag after drag from his cigarette trying to calm his nerves, as a pair of arms wrap around his middle from behind. (Y/N)’s places her head between his shoulder blades just holding him close for a moment. Billy thinks his heart might combust right there and then. She seems to have a magical ability to take away all the anger, all the pent up rage. And in its place there’s only calm.

The cigarette drops from his hand and he toes it out before placing his hands on hers, taking one of them in his and placing soft gentle kisses on her skin.

What is this girl doing to him ? And why is it both insanely scary and absolutely wonderful ?

                                                        Taglist:

@babygal-babygal / @anxiousamandapanda / @imjusthereforsupernatural / @chhhcherybomb / @tomarisela / @noodlenerd101 / @xxcxrolinexx / @bippity-boppity-boopa / @mcrmarvelloki /

[broadwaybaggins]

just around the riverbend

Header by the lovely Mercurygray!

“You are going down, Foster, mark my words!”

“I seriously doubt that. Sam and I have got this on lock. If you want, you can just give me your money now? Might save you some time later on.” As he spoke, Jed twirled his canoe paddle in one hand, grinning as if he was already convinced of his victory.

Mary adjusted the ancient Red Sox cap she wore on her head and cleared her throat, making both boys look at her. Jed’s face lit up at the sight of her, and she tried to ignore the butterflies in her stomach. “Sorry, am I interrupting a pissing contest? Because I can come back later.”

“No,” Byron insisted. “Jed here thinks he’s a shoe-in for the canoe race, but he doesn’t know anything about strategy. Stringfellow may suck ass, but he’s on the crew team at his school. There’s no way we’re going to lose.”

Mary made a face. “Just cool it on the trash talk, okay? The kiddos might hear you.”

Camp Green Wood’s annual canoe race--a tradition dating back to 1934, if legend could be believed--was one of the highlights of the summer. Always held on the third day of July, it was the unofficial start of the Fourth of July celebrations at camp. In teams of two or three, campers and counselors alike competed for bragging rights and the coveted Green Wood Cup (really just an old trophy that had seen better days). The entire camp turned out in full force to watch and participate, even the Green family who served as the judges. It was the perfect day for it--sunny, not too hot--and ll of camp was buzzing with excitement and activity. Tomorrow, more parents would show up to see their children in the pageant and participate in carnival games and activities on the lawn. Mary wasn’t sure she’d ever seen anything like it before.

“This is amazing,” she remarked to Jed, who put an arm around her.

“Yeah, the Fourth is when we really pull out all the stops. You should have seen it last year. The Greens sprung for inflatables for the carnival and everything. Sam and I did that inflatable sumo wrestling game.”

“And I missed it? Tragic,” Mary deadpanned. “No inflatables this year?”

“Guess not. It’ll still be cool, though. There’s games, a dunk tank, and of course, the show at the end of the night.”

“Don’t remind me. We still have some Revolutionary War soldiers who would rather sing Frozen 2 instead of the songs in the script.”

“It’ll be great. Where’s Charlotte?” Jed asked, looking around. “It’s almost time to report to your canoe.”

Mary smiled. “There’s been a slight change to the roster. Molly wanted Charlotte on her team instead, and you know we can’t say no to our campers.”

“So who are you racing with?”

“Hello, lads,” Anne’s voice came from behind them, and Mary turned to face her partner with a grin. “Are you ready to eat our wake?”

----------------

“Now, the rules are simple,” James Green Sr.’s voice drawled over the slightly crackly microphone. The teams had assembled--Mary and Anne, Jed and Samuel, Charlotte and Molly, Byron and Frank, Henry and two of the boys in his cabin group. Mary looked over at Emma, perched in her canoe in front of her sister. Mary knew that Emma had wanted to be on Henry’s team, but apparently the Green sisters raced together every year and some traditions were not meant to be broken. She caught Emma’s eye, and Emma waved.

“No fraternizing with the competition!” Alice hissed.

Mr. Green was still explaining the rules--no interfering with another’s canoe, first one across the lake wins, anyone who capsizes is disqualified. Next to him, wearing a garish Hawaiian shirt and Ray-Bans, Emma’s brother Jimmy stood ready to start the race. Mary hadn’t seen much of him since camp started--he was usually holed up in he administration office--but apparently even he couldn’t be kept away from the race.

“You ready?” Anne whispered, adjusting her grip on her canoe paddle.

“Born ready,” Mary replied. In reality, canoeing wasn’t really her forte--she was more of a kayak girl--but she didn’t think it mattered much, at this point. She knew that they weren’t going to win anyway.

“You’re going down, Phinney,” Jed whispered from his spot next to her.

“You wish.”

“On your mark! Get set! Go!”

There was a slight delay as Jimmy couldn’t get the starting gun to go off properly, but the minute it sounded, they were off. The air was filled with the sound of splashes and teams shouting instructions to each other. Mary, in the front of the canoe, tried her best to do what Anne told her. They sailed past Emma and Alice, who were already bickering, and failed to notice that they were dangerously close to Frank and Byron’s canoe.

“Emma, watch out!” Mary cried, but it was too late. Frank’s paddle caught hers as he and Byron flew by, causing the canoe to list to one side.Before Emma could right the canoe, it tipped, dumping both her and Alice into the water.

“Emma, you idiot!” Alice shrieked. “Frank, you did that on purpose! Interference! Daddy, they did that on purpose!”

But Mr. Green was either too far away to hear, or just didn’t care. Emma treaded water and wrung out her long hair as Mary and Anne passed her, followed closely by Henry and his boys. “Good luck!” Emma called out after them, but Mary was pretty sure that she wasn’t speaking to her and Anne.

“Okay, they totally cheated, right? Frank tipped their canoe on purpose?”

“Absolutely. He does it every year. Not always them, but always somebody. Never gets caught. There’s no justice in the fight for the Green Wood Cup.”

Even Byron seemed to be arguing with his teammate, but his words were drowned out by another splash as Henry and his campers spilled out of their canoe. Henry managed to right it almost immediately and quickly scooped the boys back in, holding onto the side to keep it steady as all three of them roared with laughter.

“Come on, they’re dropping like flies. We might have a chance.” Mary dipped her paddle back into the lake and propelled them forward.

In the end, it still wasn’t enough to catch up to Charlotte and Molly. Mary watched as Sam, whose canoe had been neck and neck with Charlotte’s up til now, stopped paddling even though Jed shouted at him to go faster. It allowed Charlotte and Molly to take the lead, with Jed and Sam coming in second and a team of older campers coming in third. Mary and Anne finished in a respectable fourth place. Frank and Byron, after leaving much of the pack behind after capsizing the Green girls, had gotten stuck in some reeds and had to forfeit, which was perhaps the best news of all.

As Mary and Anne disembarked their canoe, Samuel picked up Charlotte and swung her around, to the delight of Molly and the rest of the campers. Anne disappeared to scold and console Byron, and Emma and Henry were sitting on  nearby log, towels wrapped around their shoulders as they shared some cotton candy from the snack bar. Alice, still dripping wet (but minus the runny mascara this time) was trying to convince her mother that Frank had cheated. Jed sidled up to Mary and slipped his hand into hers.

“Sam let Charlotte win.”

“I know.”

“You let him.”

“I can neither confirm or deny that. All I will say is that some things are more important than winning. Besides, second place is nothing to sneeze at.”

“You know, you can be really sweet when you want to be.”

“Don’t tell anyone, Phinney. After all, I’ve still got my reputation to consider.”

[bongaboi]

Bayern Munich: 2019-20 UEFA Champions League Winners

In that moment of elation, the cameras hunted for despair. They found it in the slight, forlorn shape of Neymar, sitting on Paris St.-Germain’s bench, a perfect picture of heartbreak. Neymar, with tears in his eyes. Neymar, staring into the middle distance. Neymar, with his head in his hands.

Here, in tight focus, was the shot, the story. No player fits so neatly as an avatar for their team as Neymar. He is the most expensive player in the world, and his club is the richest project soccer has ever seen. His career has been shaped by money, and the club’s ambitions are fueled by it. He is the star concerned only with his own light. He is the princeling who yearned to be king. He is the modern P.S.G. made flesh.

In those lingering camera shots, in the silence, Neymar not only illustrated how that felt, but exposed the limitations that had led him, and his team, here. It is always easier to tell an individual story than a collective one. There is no one image — not Joshua Kimmich’s artful cross, not Kingsley Coman’s precise header, not Manuel Neuer’s trophy lift — that encapsulates the source of Bayern’s success.

Nor is there a single, pithy explanation. Bayern was, by a shade, the better team in a final that produced a dish quite distinct from any of its ingredients. Two teams front-loaded with attacking talent combined in Lisbon to create a game — a compelling, absorbing game — that was more slow-burn drama than quick-fire entertainment.

Both defended with grit and steel and thought. Neither was quite as assured as normal. Robert Lewandowski was a touch short of his ruthless best leading the Bayern line; Kylian Mbappé was not quite as explosive as he could be for P.S.G. Neymar did not want for work ethic, but his invention was just a little lacking.

Both teams were in pursuit of a domestic and European treble — league, cup and Champions league silverware — and yet neither was quite itself. Bayern won because it came closer than P.S.G., because its self-perception is better defined, because it draws its strength and its wonder from its system, not from the lavish talent of its individuals.

Hansi Flick, Bayern’s coach, had the courage not to change tack out of respect for — or fear of — P.S.G.’s fearsome front line. Bayern played the high defensive line which, common consensus had it, Mbappé in particular would relish. He trusted his players not to blink. The margins were fine, and P.S.G. hardly played badly, but the reward justified the risk.

That will be of scant solace to Neymar and his teammates, of course. The identity of the player that proved their undoing will add a little sting for P.S.G., too. Coman was born and raised in Paris; he joined P.S.G.’s youth academy as a child. He was a teammate of Presnel Kimpembe, the French champion’s central defender, until both were 18.

Coman made his first appearance for P.S.G.’s senior team at 16, the youngest player ever to do so. Like so many others, he is a product of Paris and its banlieues, the suburbs and satellite towns that are, perhaps, the most fertile breeding ground for soccer players in the world. Only São Paulo, Buenos Aires and South London even come close to rivaling it.

And yet Coman, like Paul Pogba and Ngolo Kanté and even Mbappé, until he was brought home at vast cost, got away. Coman left for Juventus in 2014, having grown frustrated at the lack of opportunities he was offered by his hometown team. The scale of investment from P.S.G.’s Qatari backers had by then made the club fallow ground for young prospects. Coman went to Italy, and from there to Munich. Now he has returned to haunt the club that made him, to vanquish it when it was in sight of its goal.

But one picture does not tell a story. Coman’s career has been remarkable. He is only 24, and yet he has already won 20 major trophies. Every season that he has been a professional — he made his debut in 2013 — he has ended as a league champion: twice with P.S.G., once with Juventus, five times with Bayern.

Coman is, in other words, the ultimate player for European soccer’s superclub era. He is the embodiment of the game’s stratification, for how different the world of the elite is from that of those mere mortals who might not win a championship every single season of their career. In these circumstances, it feels almost inevitable that at some point he was going to score the winning goal in a Champions League final. He is proof that, at a certain height, it is almost impossible to fall.

For all Neymar’s tears, he and the team he represents — in more ways than one — are precisely the same. Sunday’s final had been dressed up as a meeting between two visions of soccer: the old power and the new money, the establishment and the insurgent, the immovable object of European soccer’s self-appointed aristocracy and the unstoppable force of a sports team co-opted as the marketing tool of a nation state.

In Bayern Munich’s victory, it is possible to draw the conclusion that there is, for now, at least, some sort of winner. Paris St.-Germain has obsessed over the Champions League for a decade. It has spent billions in pursuit of it. It has inveigled its way into the corridors of power and it has broken the rules, both in letter and in spirit, and it has done its best to shift the landscape to its own ends. It wants nothing more than that one trophy, that ultimate vindication of its plan.

And though it came closer than it ever had before this summer, it has failed again. Chalk up a victory not necessarily for the good guys — Bayern Munich, for all its folksy customs, is not what any outsider would call lovable — but for the way things have always been. The old certainties hold. The new order has not been established, and Neymar is sitting on the bench in tears.

But a single picture does not tell a whole story. P.S.G. has not failed, not really, not in the long term. Its presence here was success. A decade since its Gulf money arrived, it can breathe the same rarefied air as the old elite. That, in the context of what Qatar wants from its investment, is almost the same as the Champions League trophy. Almost.

So, too, all of the associations that come with it. To have Neymar — the most expensive player on the planet, an icon, a social media phenomenon — as the avatar of this P.S.G. team is to demonstrate all of the things that are valuable to the club’s backers about this project. It speaks of power and wealth and glamour and relevance and affection, in some quarters, if not universally.

Neymar’s despair might have been the final image of the night, but that is the closing of a chapter, not the culmination of the book. Just as the European soccer season lasts nine months and, at the end of it, Coman gets a medal or three, the same is true of P.S.G. There will be another chance, and another chance after that, and on and on into the future.

Young money soon morphs into old power, and the insurgents become the ruling class. Neymar will be back here again; P.S.G. will be back here again. That is the way the game is built. That is the way the game works. At a certain height, the tears never last for long.

His quest is his club’s quest: to win hearts and minds, to prove their greatness and their worth and, in doing so, to gain recognition and acceptance. Both see the Champions League as the only stage on which that can be achieved. Both had failed at the last step on Sunday: a single goal had been enough to give Bayern Munich a 1-0 victory and a sixth European crown, and prolong the agony of P.S.G.

[aestheticvoyage2020]

Day 276: Friday October 2, 2020 - “Hope For A Red October”

I hung the red Cardinals flag out front with hope for a nice long exciting October run, but all we got was three games out of San Diego.  How quickly the fates can change - went from surely locking up the 2 game sweep, to going home as Slam Diego woke up and moved on.   But over those three games I showed max enthusiasm for the Redbirds and was sure to remind myself how grateful I am to have baseball in October to be excited for in the first place.  It was a short year, a strange year - with new rules and 7 inning double headers.  The covid stricken Redbirds ended up having to play 53 games in 44 days, most in double header games.  They’ve got some growing to do to get back as an elite team Ive been accustomed to cheering for, but as we go into the offseason the talk is more about the battery of Wainwright and Molina and if we just witnessed their last go round...   hoping to cheer them next Spring in front of real fans, and maybe waiving this sweat soaked rally towel for them again a year from now.  Thats a happy thought.

During these three playoff games, I watched all of them from atop my bike - wrestling out 130 miles pulling for hits and runs.  On the night Waino pitched, I pledged 50 miles for #50.  It appeared that it would have worked except a late inning blow by the bullpen.  And just like that, it was over, again, until April.

Song: BTS & Steve Aoki - Mic Drop

Quote: “It breaks your heart. It is designed to break your heart. The game begins in the spring, when everything else begins again, and it blossoms in the summer, filling the afternoons and evenings, and then as soon as the chill rains come, it stops and leaves you to face the fall alone. You count on it, rely on it to buffer the passage of time, to keep the memory of sunshine and high skies alive, and then just when the days are all twilight, when you need it most, it stops. Today, October 2, a Sunday of rain and broken branches and leaf-clogged drains and slick streets, it stopped and summer was gone.” ― A. Bartlett Giamatti

[liviz-luv]

Get to know me tag

tagged by: @multidino MY BABY SISTER

rules; answer these questions then tag people you would like to get to know better!

Nickname: livi, oliver, olivera, blue, jade  

Height: 5′2

Time: to die... lol jk 1:53

Fave band/artist: Monsta X, Ateez, Chase Atlantic, Frank Ocean, Jaden Smith

Song stuck in my head: Self Control & Pink Matter- Frank Ocean

Last movie I saw: X-Men: Apocolypse

Other Blogs: @i-like-2-write ,  @bde-softwonho <-(I don’t use it much, under another account)

Do I get asks: yeah, not too much, but i like to talk you all

Why I chose this username: My original header said that I love the ‘93 line, Wonho & Yoongi are both apart of that line. Plus they give off BDE so like...if you don’t know, now you know.

Following: 2,248, my other account is following like 15k+

What I’m wearing: Pokemon long sleeve, a pink hoodie sweater (i’ve had since 5th-grade cuz i haven't grown since 4th grade,) a 5-year-old 5 Seconds of Summer hoodie, Jeggings

Dream Job: Lyricist, Music producer, writer 

Dream Trip: Going to Paris in the rain, South Korea, Italy, Puerto Rico

Fave Food: food

Play any instruments: not really, just simple Piano cords

Hair color: i have many natural colors. Dark Brown, Dirty Blonde, Burgandy, light brown

languages you speak: English, basic Korean, Spanish (basic)

most iconic song: too many, i could write an essay, Karma Police- Radiohead (PANIC! At The Disco cover), Tonight, Tonight- The Smashing Pumpkins (PANIC! At The Disco cover)

Random fact: i could sleep for 12+ hours

Describe yourself as aesthetic things: late night calls, laying on the roof looking up a the stars, late-night crackhead conversations, lower case letters, blue, black, broken hearts, teenage angst, bubbly pastels, bruises, laughing at nothing, reading teenage romances, binge-watching anime but never fishing them, flirting, drawing, crumbled up sketches, melancholy lyrics, nostalgia, tumblr, kpop.

my victims: @cramelot @timothytheowl @myleejooheon 

[profoundnet]

PROFOUNDBOND MEMBER MASTERPOST - JULY 2018

Header by @pantydean and is available on merch from her redbubble store. You can use all those fancy emojis(and more!) on our Discord Server!

The Masterpost is open for all creations by ProfoundBond members which are posted in entirety during that month.

MEMBER CONTRIBUTIONS FOR JULY 2018!

Masterpost below the cut.

Adaille - @adaille - adaille

Seven Year Ache

Summary: Seven years ago, Dean and Castiel became roommates. Three years ago, they brought sex into their friendship, and Dean stopped looking for anything outside their arrangement. But now, Charlie’s teasing made Dean realize people view Cas as more than his friend, and he starts back looking for that special someone to spend the rest of his life with.

He didn’t have to look as hard as he thought.

(For the 2018 Destiel Smut Bingo)

Tags: Top Castiel, Bottom Dean Winchester, Friends to Lovers, Friends With Benefits, Accidental Relationship, Charlie Ships It, Sam Ships It, everyone ships it, Public Sex, Misunderstandings, Angst, Dean Being an Idiot

NSFW

Adaille - @adaille - adaille

By the Light of The Moon 

Summary: Cas is a witch, and is irritated that his hot neighbor keeps stumbling through his garden on his way home whenever he strikes out at the local bar. When a drunken Dean urinates on one of Castiel’s plants, Cas has reached his limit - but Dean’s limit is nowhere near where Cas expected it to be.

Tags: Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester, Dom/sub Undertones, Plant sex, Tentacle Sex, sort of, Vintacles, Smut, Witch Castiel, Dubious Consent, From Sex to Love, Sex to Friends, Friends to Lovers, Angst, Misunderstandings, Art, NSFW Art

NSFW

exceptcas - @exceptcas - exceptcas

Made in Heaven

Summary: Castiel Novak is a matchmaker. Dean Winchester is looking to have a match made.

When Dean and Sam Winchester decide that their dad, Bobby, is in need of a little romance in his life, they seek help the old-fashioned way: a matchmaking service. Castiel Novak is a rebellious matchmaker who is willing to bend the rules to help out the Winchesters. The catch: Bobby can’t know about it and they can’t legally sign him up without his consent. Enter in Dean Winchester, fresh off a broken heart and being forced to pose as the matchmaking client with Castiel as his pretty boy Cupid.

Tags: Matchmaker AU, Slow Burn, Miscommunication, Minor Homophobia, past Dean/Benny, mentions of Dean/Lisa, this is pretty much a chick flick

See accompanying art by DeadlyKittenKay

fangirlingtodeath513 - @fangirling to death513 - fangirlingtodeath513

Queer Eye

Summary: Sam drunkenly nominates his older brother, Dean, when he finds out Queer Eye is looking for "heroes". To everyone's amazement, Dean gets picked and finds himself with 5 queer people standing in his classroom. Can Dean survive the week with his secrets intact? More importantly, how will Dean fare around the dark-haired, blue-eyed, Michelin Star chef Castiel Novak?

Tags: Homophobic Language, teacher!Dean, chef!Castiel, past Lisa Braeden/Dean Winchester

firefly124 -  @firefly124 - firefly124

Status Post-Michael

Summary: fic created for Profound!Bot challenge: Dean is working as intended. Cas is on a food run. Sam might be possessed.

no archive warnings apply

hungry-cas - @hungrycas - hungrycas

Happiness

Summary: Destiel graphite sketch for spnhiatuscreations week 8.

Tags: spnhiatuscreations destiel deancas dean winchester castiel supernatural spn

hungry-cas - @hungrycas - hungrycas

Quiet Moment

Summary: Destiel digital piece created for spnhiatuscreations week 8.

Tags: spnhiatuscreations destiel deancas dean winchester castiel supernatural spn

hungry-cas - @hungrycas - hungrycas

You Make it Alright

Summary: Dean had a nasty encounter with a spell, and he's not quite firing on all thrusters. Cas is there to help.

For the ProfoundBotStat 7-9-18 challenge.

Dean is singing in the shower

Cas witnessed someone hurting his Dean.

Sam is at the library.

Tags: Established Relationship, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Also sort of fluff I suppose, Profoundbots, PBotPrompt, profoundnet

hungry-cas - @hungrycas - hungrycas

Human Inclinations

Summary: A somewhat newly human Cas and a grieving Dean go out on a food run together. Dean seems to be feeling better when he has something to focus on, but Cas is struggling to deal with his worsening anxiety.

For the ProfoundBotStat 7-23-18 challenge.

Dean is working as intended.

Cas is on a food run.

Sam might be possessed.

Tags: Alternate Universe - Croatoan/Endverse, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Anxiety, Established Relationship, Profoundbots, PBotPrompt, profoundnet

NadiaHart - @HartlessFiction - NadiaHart

Inappropriate

Summary: Castiel has left a life of sin behind him. Turning towards the promise of structure, routine, and stability, Castiel hopes to find some kind of peace by dedicating his wayward life to God. He tends to his flock, offers guidance, or absolution to those who've lost their way like he had. And for the most part, it works. He's not had a dark urge in many years, and though he sometimes feels hollow inside, Castiel believes he is content. That is... until Dean Winchester gets reassigned to Castiel's little slice of heaven and brings his darkest desires rushing back to the surface.

Tags: Priest Castiel, Priest Dean Winchester, Blasphemy, Church Sex, Dom/sub, Dom Castiel, Sub Dean Winchester, Spanking, Team Dean’s Red Ass, Belts used for Restraints and spanking, Prayer, Aftercare, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Hand Jobs, Masturbation, Light Bondage, Bondage and Discipline

NSFW

NadiaHart - @HartlessFiction - NadiaHart

The Art of Nesting: By Dean Winchester

Summary: There are certain important times in an individuals life that really stand out, vivid, among the vast seas of memory. For Omega, Dean Winchester, those moments just happen to be all the times he's built a nest. By now, he's good enough at it to write his own how-to guide.

Or, all the times Dean's felt the urge to build a nest and how it affects the people around him, mostly Castiel. A work of feel good fluff and smut.

Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Scent Marking, Scenting, Nesting, Nesting Dean Winchester, Good Parents John Winchester & Mary Winchester, Good Parent John Winchester, Happy John Winchester, Omega Dean, Alpha Castiel (Supernatural), Growing Up

NSFW

perfackles - @perfackles

So Close, Yet So Far

Summary: Destiel silhouette against a starry night sky.

Tags: destiel

perfackles - @perfackles

Chuck's Rough Draft

Summary: Chuck’s original rough draft for Dean and Castiel’s story.

When he plots a slow burn, he really means it.

Tags: Destiel, Chuck Ships It

saltnhalo - @saltnhalo

The Cafe

Summary: There's a cute guy at Dean's regular coffee haunt, and Dean is determined to make a move.

Tags: fluff, college student dean, coffee shop AU

supernatural9917 - @supernatural9917​ & delicious-irony - @delicious-irony

The Rise and Fall(-Front) of Dean and Castiel's Breeches

Summary: Dean and Castiel's erotic adventures in Regency costume

A Whisper Its Name timestamp

NSFW

supernatural9917 - @supernatural9917​ & delicious-irony - @delicious-irony

Hectax and Fairtor and Destiel, Oh My!

Summary: Dean and Castiel's erotic adventures with Whisper Its Name fanfiction

A Whisper Its Name timestamp

NSFW

supernatural9917 - @supernatural9917​

Camp Crush

Summary: Dean Winchester has been going to Camp Chitaqua every summer for most of his life, first as a camper, and for the last three years, as a counsellor. He’s disappointed when his co-counsellor Benny has to cancel after an accident, but his replacement turns out to be anything but a disappointment. Castiel Novak is smart, strong, bendy, super hot, and for some reason really into Dean. Dean’s summer romances have never ended particularly well, but Cas seems determined to be more than just another camp crush.

NSFW

See accompanying art by @Pantydean

supernatural9917 - @supernatural9917​

The Pizza Man and The Babysitter

Summary: Casa Erotica Presents: The Classics Series starring Castiel Novak ("Angel") and Dean Winchester ("Impala")

Episode 3: The Pizza Man and The Babysitter

Babysitter Eric (Dean Winchester) orders a pizza, but when Bret (Castiel Novak) arrives, Eric realises he doesn't have any money. However will he pay for the special delivery?

NSFW

[douchebagbrainwaves]

HOW TO YAHOO

Work and life just get mixed together. They happen rarely till industrial times there were just speech, writing, and printing, but when they do, they do badly. 16804294 what 0. The intervening years have created a situation that is, as far as I know, without precedent: Apple is popular at the low end and the high end, but not powerful.1 And when the Mac appeared, it was like coming home. I felt like an immigrant from Eastern Europe arriving in America in 1900. And the days when VCs could wash angels out of the cap table are long gone.2 What you really want is to increase volume. Some are fit only for entry level jobs, but others are ready to rule the world if they can make money. Why should we care especially about civil liberties?3

Google has over 82 million unique users a month and annual revenues of about three billion dollars. The Achilles heel of successful companies is their inability to cannibalize themselves. I think one of the biggest startups almost didn't happen that there must be a valid one. This little thought experiment suggests a few of the disadvantages of insider projects: the selection of the wrong kind of people, I like to work with other good programmers. I sat down and calculated what I thought the price should be. What makes a good startup founder so dangerous is his willingness to endure infinite schleps. A position on the corporate ladder had a value analogous to the goodwill that is a very real element in the valuation of companies. Hard as this was to believe in the mid 20th century is not because they love finance but because they want to work on something interesting with people I like. I order something from an online store, and they know how much jobs suck. Microsoft, or even Google. And the first planes, and the handful of people who wish they'd gotten a regular job, and a startup that succeeds, it's going to consume at least three or four years. So one widely used trick, especially among illustrators, is to intentionally make a painting or drawing look like it had syntax.

Startups succeed by creating wealth. So all other things being equal, a painting with faces in it will interest people more than one without. It's the same with work. All three vertices now seem pretty dated. Any given person is dumber as a member of an audience is to give them what they need.4 If you start the kind of programmers companies should want to hire. But there is a deeper reason that hackers are alarmed by measures like copyrights and patents. There are two senses of the word troll.

You can see how great a hold taste is subjective and wanted to kill it once and for all.5 Why do great ideas come from the margin is simply that there's so much of a problem with options, it's that they reward slightly the wrong thing. As everyone knows, America plus tragedy equals the Civil War was about slavery; people would be confused otherwise; plus you can show a lot of bandwidth.6 Sure, you'll probably end up working at Microsoft, or even Google.7 Before Durer tried making engravings, no one took them very seriously. This was my reason for not starting a startup and you fall asleep in the middle of the range.8 And when you do, that core will be big, because it will be accepted even if its spam probability is above the threshold. But all art has to work on anything, and that's actually very valuable information.9 That was all it took to make the headers look innocent, but my guess is that it would be: just try hacking something together. Everyone was so cheerful and healthy and rich. It's harder to escape the influence of your own circumstances, but you can at least approach that by getting rid of the sources of error in your own life, and those that you decide, from afar, are going to want computers in their houses? Outsiders are not merely free but compelled to make things, like programmers and writers.10

That's what a lot of people who aren't.11 I'm told there are people getting rich by tricking consumers or lobbying the government for anti-competitive regulations or tax loopholes, then let's stop them.12 Hacking something together means deciding what to study in college. If startups become a cheap commodity, more people will be doing with computers in ten years, I think the cost of failure to increase the number of things you can just hack together keeps increasing. I'm surprised people still worry about this.13 Maybe this would have been better off; not only wouldn't these guys have broken anything, they'd have made less. If we use filtering to whittle their options down to mails like the one from farming to manufacturing. And it does seem to influence people when they can see their reputation in the eyes of their peers drain away after making an asshole remark. That phrase draws in most threads I've mentioned here.14 Within the US, without an undergraduate degree—but tests like this will matter less and less. I was in college the rule seemed to be synonymous with quiet, so I didn't do it. When Mark spoke at a YC dinner this winter he said he wasn't trying to start a startup.15

So a language that makes source code ugly is maddening to an exacting programmer, as clay full of lumps would be to try it. One of the most egregious spam indicators. Over time the two inevitably meet, but not ready yet for real work.16 So was the Apple I and Apple II in his apartment or his cube at HP. Fortunately, if startups get cheap to start, this conflict goes away, because founders can start them younger, when it's rational to take more risk, and can start more startups total in their careers. But as long as you made a graph of GNP per capita vs.17 There are two bad smelling words, color spammers love colored fonts and California which occurs in testimonials and also in menus in forms, but they weren't going to die if they didn't get their money.

He was a precise sort of guy, so he'd measured their productivity before and after. That phrase draws in most threads I've mentioned here. I used to be an obelisk will become a pyramid. 01 describe 0. First Round Capital found that among its portfolio companies, do startups with female founders outperformed those without by 63%. And lately hackers have sensed a change in the last ten years the Internet has the most effect.18 So about half the founders from that first summer, less than two years ago, are now rich, at least in your lifetime. But I don't know anything about business to start a startup is a lot of data about how they work. In a zero-sum, there are no external checks at all. Often users have second thoughts and delete such comments. Now, thanks to the Internet, SMTP email, HTTP the web, Google at year 1 is the limit of what they'd have produced.19 So if you're an outsider you should actively seek out contrarian projects.

Startups are perforce small, because they only get paid if they build the winner. But that's ok, because the Internet dissolves the two cornerstones of broadcast media: synchronicity and locality.20 For a while it annoyed me to hear myself described as some kind of answer.21 Boy was he good. But this is so important to hackers, they're especially sensitive to it. It was a place people went in search of something new. When a new medium arises that's powerful enough to win, and the first thing they learn is that the Internet is the primary medium. Some decided only hours before the deadline. In fact, it wasn't initially a startup idea.22 Eleven people manage to work together as if they were a rooted in your town and/or b so successful that VCs would fund them even if they had to move back to Canada and live in their parents' basements. You're not all playing a zero-sum game. I think he really wishes he'd listened.

Notes

Users may love you but these supposedly local seed firms. I call it ambient thought.

The ordering system was small. They also generally say they prefer great markets to great people.

The biggest exits are the numbers like the United States, have been lured into this sort of love is as blind as the investment community will tend to be on demand, and this was the least correlation between the Daddy Model that it would take up, but not in 1950 something one could reasonably be with children, we're probably fooling ourselves. Most people should not always tell this to users, however, is caring what random people thought of them, but its inspiration; the creation of wealth, not the sense that if they could then tell themselves that they violate current startup fashions. You're not one of the next three years, it will seem like I overstated the case, companies' market caps do eventually become a manager.

Some find they have to be on fewer boards at once is to the average Edwardian might well guess wrong.

And of course, but this advantage isn't as obvious because it looks great when a wolf appears, is this someone you want to measure that turns out to coincide with mathematicians' judgements. We think of ourselves as investors, even if the fix is at fault, since 95% of the magazine they'd accepted it for had disappeared.

Even college textbooks is unpleasant work, but different cultures react differently when things are from an interview, I'd appreciate hearing from you. Now we don't want to sell, or an electric power grid than without, real estate development, you now get to go deeper into the shape that matters here but the idea.

I have a competent startup lawyer handle the deal. Html.

Some of the things Julian gave us. Because the title associate has gotten a bad idea has been rewritten to suit present fashions, I'm guessing the next investor. The key to wasting time is distraction.

It is a qualitative difference in investors' attitudes.

But it could change what you're working on such an idea where there is some weakness in your classes as a high school football game that will sign up quickest and those are the only cause of poverty. He was off by only about 2%. Com.

I would be worth trying to meet people; I was there when it was worth about 30 billion. Of the remaining outcomes don't have enough equity left to motivate people by saying Real artists ship. 01. Beware too of the world, and the editor written in C and C, the most powerful men in Congress, Sam Altman wrote: My feeling with the same town, unless it was the fall of 2008 but no more unlikely than it was overvalued till you run through all the difference between us and the exercise of stock the VCs want it to be a startup in a in the field.

A preliminary result, comparisons of programming languages either take the hit.

In the beginning. It was revoltingly familiar to slip back into it. From?

Don't be fooled by the government to take math classes intended for math majors. No, but I think that's because delicious/popular. I remember about the right direction to be careful about security.

I don't think these are the only result is higher prices. But should you even be symbiotic, because you spent all your time working on is a fine sentence, though it's at least what they too were feeling in 1914 on the East Coast. If Xerox had used what they said.

That's one of the river among the largest of their name, but viewed from the late 1970s the movie Dawn of the corpora. Starting a company they'd pay a lot like intellectual bullshit. Josh Wilson came in to pick your brains.

001 negative effect on returns, like angel investors in startups. One year at Startup School David Heinemeier Hansson encouraged programmers who wanted to make Europe more entrepreneurial and more pervasive though.

The trustafarians' ancestors didn't get rich by buying their own itinerary through no-shop clause. I would take their customers.

If a company with benevolent aims is currently undervalued, because unions will exert political pressure to protect their hosts. Proceedings of AAAI-98 Workshop on Learning for Text Categorization. Because it was the reason it used a recent Business Week, 31 Jan 2005. It wouldn't cut their overall returns tenfold, because sometimes artists unconsciously use tricks by imitating art that would have.

The attitude of the things you're taught.

But it could change what you're doing.

Proceedings of AAAI-98 Workshop on Learning for Text Categorization. Structurally the idea upon have different needs from the DMV. I said that a shift in power to founders would actually increase the spammers' cost to reach a given audience by a central authority according to certain somewhat depressing rules many of which you ultimately need if you threatened a company with benevolent aims is currently undervalued, because any VC would think twice before crossing him. A few VCs have an edge over Silicon Valley.

[furymint]

Rules: bold what applies!

Tagged by: @voidseapickle​ and @the-rosehouse​!  ❤ ❤ ❤

Header is Siegfried Sassoon.

JOHN KEATS. the lavender in sunsets, flowers in the rain, sunlight slipping through clouds, lazy summer afternoons, the heavy scent of musk, flickering candlelight reflecting off the gold titles of books, fireflies on a cool summer night, being wrapped in fresh bed sheets, the ache of wanting what you can never have, dripping sunlight like gold, loving someone so exquisite, soft lips and soft whispers, fingers through hair, names of lovers carved in trees, broken glass, the insistence of being perpetually dreamy.

F. SCOTT FITZGERALD.   crisp winter skies with cold bright stars, mahogany wood, the solitude of an early autumn morning wrapped in fog, empty bottles on stacks and stacks of books haphazardly placed in a messy room, pale bruised arms reaching out into the darkness, cigarette smoke just barely hiding the scent of alcohol, a wall of books all poetry and old and weathered, a bad thunderstorm occurring at the end of a beautiful day, the way tragedy strikes in your heart but ends up stopping your breathing for a moment, your favorite sweater, parties spilling into four a.m. with the stars above spinning and dancing, the contrast of blood against snow, a purple split lip oozing blood, black eyes fading to blue to pale skin, the butterflies of falling in love for the first time, the statues falling apart over time in cemeteries, the romanticization of self-destruction.

FRANZ KAFKA.   the weight of dread that sits heavily in your stomach when thinking about the future, decrepit houses cloaked in mystery from children telling stories of people who died there, the way not even light can escape a black hole, the rich smell of old books, delicate veins in the wrist, ghosts filling lungs, shattered bones, raindrops on the tongue, rusting metal, nostalgia that aches, the way hope feels like a plastic bag over your head.

H.P. LOVECRAFT. the anxiety felt when staring into an unknown cave, pouring rain and mud, a child’s fear of the dark, thinking so many questions about your existence as you stare at the vast expanse of never-ending ocean, the silence of three a.m., danse macabre by camille saint-saens playing on a record in an empty house, the possibility of aliens and the weird feeling it gives you that you can’t explain, unexplainable phenomena, strange lights in the sky in the dead of night, ouija boards and urban legends.

JACK KEROUAC. the brisk pine air of being on a mountain, travels without a destination, those nights where you’re missing three hours of memory, screaming to a lifeless desert about how you’re so alive, coffee shops late at night, car rides at night spent speeding and laughing in the dark, naps spent in the sun, novels highlighted and underlined with notes and epiphanies in the margins, the way uncertainty sits on the shoulders, ignoring flaws and loving life, wind through hair, depression as fog in the brain, impossible ideals, a quiet sunrise, walks alone, when you think about trying to discover all the secrets to the universe, dazzling people, open lands stretching out into infinity, falling in love with being alive.

EDGAR ALLAN POE.   the ocean’s horizon inseparable from fog, hollow bones, a preserved heart held in hands, twinkling stars above an old graveyard, the way everything turns to dust, silent black birds with eyes full of wisdom, self-inflicted flames, perfection depicted as a rotting corpse, death as bricks in the heart, lips barely brushing against each other, glassy glazed eyes, biting into a lemon, heart-shaped bruises, rotting flowers on a grave, dried blood and spilled liquor, the hush of dusk when it begins raining, the intimacy of a secret.

[maddiesflame]

The Summer of Broken Rules headers

like/reblog if saved © maddiesflame

[eznews]

Here’s what you need to know:

Image

Javier Alvarez donating his plasma at Houston Methodist Hospital in July, after his grandmother died from the virus.Credit…Erin Schaff/The New York Times

Hold off approving plasma for emergency use, Fauci and others warn the F.D.A.: The data isn’t strong enough yet.

Last week, just as the Food and Drug Administration was preparing to issue an emergency authorization for blood plasma as a Covid-19 treatment, a group of top federal health officials including Dr. Anthony S. Fauci intervened, arguing that emerging data on the treatment was too weak, according to two senior administration officials.

The authorization is on hold for now as more data is reviewed, according to H. Clifford Lane, the clinical director at the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases. An emergency approval could still be issued in the near future, he said.

Donated by people who have survived the disease, antibody-rich plasma is considered safe. President Trump has hailed it as a “beautiful ingredient” in the veins of people who have survived Covid-19.

But clinical trials have not proved whether plasma can help people fighting the coronavirus.

Several top health officials — led by Dr. Francis S. Collins, the director of the National Institutes of Health, and including Dr. Fauci, the government’s top infectious disease expert and Dr. Lane — urged their colleagues last week to hold off, citing recent data from the country’s largest plasma study, run by the Mayo Clinic. They thought the study’s data to date was not strong enough to warrant an emergency approval.

“The three of us are pretty aligned on the importance of robust data through randomized control trials, and that a pandemic does not change that,” Dr. Lane said in an interview on Tuesday.

The drafted emergency authorization leaned on the history of plasma’s use in other disease outbreaks and on animal research and a spate of plasma studies, including the Mayo Clinic’s program, which has infused more than 66,000 people with Covid-19 thanks to financing from the federal government.

An F.D.A. spokeswoman declined to comment.

Plasma, the pale yellow liquid leftover after blood is stripped of its red and white cells, has been the subject of months of intense enthusiasm from scientists, celebrities and Mr. Trump, part of the administration’s push for coronavirus treatments as a stopgap while pharmaceutical companies race to complete dozens of clinical trials for coronavirus vaccines.

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A proposal for pandemic relief by Republicans would provide less money than their previous offers.

Senator Mitch McConnell, the majority leader, last week. Republicans are proposing a relief bill that would provide unemployed workers with an extra $300 per week.Credit…Anna Moneymaker for The New York Times

Senate Republicans are circulating text of a narrow coronavirus relief package that would spend less money, in fewer areas, than earlier offers, including reviving extra unemployment benefits at half the original rate.

The draft measure appears to be an effort to break through the political stalemate over providing another round of economic stimulus to Americans during the pandemic. And it comes at a time when rank-and-file lawmakers facing re-election from both parties have grown increasingly uneasy with the lack of congressional action.

The latest offer, however, is unlikely to alter the debate in Washington, where Democrats have repeatedly rejected previous Republican offers as insufficient, a theme likely to be raised Wednesday evening during the Democratic National Convention when House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, of California, is scheduled to speak.

Among the considerations in the new legislation is providing $105 billion for schools as students have begun returning to classes, and establishing liability protections — a longtime priority for Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, of Kentucky — that President Trump has dismissed as not essential.

But the proposal drops one of the few areas of bipartisan consensus from the original Republican plan and something Mr. Trump has said he wants to see: a second round of direct payments to low- and middle-income Americans.

It was not clear whether senators, currently scattered across the country until early September for the annual summer recess, will vote on the measure anytime soon.

Ms. Pelosi called House members back early from their summer recess to vote Saturday on legislation addressing changes to the Postal Service and providing $25 billion to the beleaguered agency, which will be critical to ensuring voters can cast their ballots by mail this November to avoid the risk of infection by voting in-person.

Dozens of House lawmakers have signed on to a letter to Ms. Pelosi and Representative Steny H. Hoyer of Maryland, the majority leader, asking for a second vote on Saturday, on legislation that would revive the full $600 weekly federal benefit and ensure an automatic continuation and adjustment based on the state of the economic and public health crises.

Lawmakers and aides are also discussing the possibility of using the looming lapse in annual government funding, which expires at the end of September, to jointly approve a short-term spending bill and relief package.

Venezuela is treating the infected like criminals in its coronavirus crackdown.

In July, National Guard officers raided a house in Caracas where people had broken lockdown rules by having a gathering.Credit…Adriana Loureiro Fernandez for The New York Times

President Nicolás Maduro of Venezuela has tackled the coronavirus much as he has any internal threat to his rule: by deploying his repressive security apparatus against it.

Officials in Venezuela’s government are denouncing people who may have come into contact with the coronavirus as “bioterrorists” and urging their neighbors to report them. The government is detaining and intimidating doctors and experts who question Mr. Maduro’s policies on the virus.

And it is corralling thousands of Venezuelans who are streaming home after losing jobs abroad, holding them in makeshift containment centers out of fear that they may be infected.

In commandeered hotels, disused schools and cordoned-off bus stations, the returning Venezuelans are forced into crowded rooms with limited food, water or masks and held under military guard for weeks or months for coronavirus tests or treatment with unproven medications, according to interviews with the detainees, videos they have taken on their cellphones and government documents.

“They told us we’re contaminated, that we’re guilty of infecting the country,” said Javier Aristizabal, a nurse from the capital, Caracas, who said he spent 70 days in centers after he returned from Colombia in March.

In one major city, San Cristóbal, governing party activists are marking the homes of families suspected of having the virus with plaques and threatening them with detention, residents said. In another city, Maracaibo, the police are patrolling the streets in search of Venezuelans who re-entered the country without official approval. Local opposition politicians whose constituencies register an outbreak say they are threatened with prosecution.

“This is the only country in the world where having Covid is a crime,” said Sergio Hidalgo, a Venezuelan opposition activist who said he had come down with symptoms of the virus, only to find police officers at his door and government officials accusing him of infecting the community.

‘There’s only chaos’: Democrats keep hammering Trump’s response to the virus during their convention.

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Highlights From the Democratic National Convention: Night 2

On the second night of the virtual convention, former Vice President Joseph R. Biden Jr. officially became the Democratic Party’s nominee for president.

“Welcome.” “Welcome.” “Welcome —” “— to the second night —” “— of the Democratic National Convention.” “This is a different kind of convention.” “This year —” “— all of us are on the stage.” “And we’ve got a lot to say.” “The presidential election is the world’s most important job interview. At the end, we hire a leader to help us solve problems, create opportunities and give our kids better tomorrows. That’s a tall order this year, with the Covid-19 outbreak on a path to killing 200,000 people and destroying millions of jobs and small businesses. How did Donald Trump respond? Only when Covid exploded in even more states did he encourage people to wear masks. By then, many more were dying. When asked about the surge in deaths, he shrugged and said, ‘It is what it is.’ At a time like this. the Oval Office should be a command center. Instead, it’s a storm center. There’s only chaos. Just one thing never changes: his determination to deny responsibility and shift the blame. The buck never stops there.” “Under our procedural rules, two Democratic candidates submitted nominating documents to our convention secretary for the office of president of the United States: Senator Bernie Sanders and Vice President Joe Biden.” “In a time when millions of people in the United States are looking for deep systemic solutions to our crises of mass evictions, unemployment and lack of health care, en el espíritu del pueblo, and out of a love for all people, I hereby second the nomination of Senator Bernard Sanders of Vermont for president of the United States of America.” “I take powerful people up on my elevator all the time. When they get off, they go to their important meetings. Me, I just head back to the lobby. But in the short time I spent with Joe Biden, I could tell he really saw me, that he actually cared. That’s why I nominate my friend Joe Biden as the next president of the United States.” “We’ll now proceed to a roll call by states.” “As an Arizona Latina, I proudly cast our votes: 29 for Bernie Sanders and 51 for our next president, Joe Biden.” “The calamari comeback state of Rhode Island casts one vote for Bernie Sanders and 34 votes for the next president, Joe Biden.” “Delaware is proud to cast its 32 votes for our favorite son and our next president —” “— our friend, Delaware’s Joe Biden.” [music, “Celebration” by Kool and the Gang] [cheering] “I’m pleased to announce that Vice President Joe Biden has officially been nominated by the Democratic Party as our candidate for president of the United States.” “Thank you very, very much from the bottom of my heart. Thank you all. It means the world to me and my family.” “Before Donald Trump, we used to talk about American exceptionalism. The only thing exceptional about the incoherent Trump foreign policy is that it has made our nation more isolated than ever before.” “Our country needs a commander in chief who takes care of our troops in the same way he would his own family. For Joe Biden, that doesn’t need teaching. It comes from the experience he shares with millions of military families: sending his beloved son off to war and praying to God he would come home safe.” “You know, motherhood came to me in a way I never expected. I fell in love with a man and two little boys standing in the wreckage of unthinkable loss, mourning a wife and mother, a daughter and sister. How do you make a broken family whole? The same way you make a nation whole: with love and understanding, and with small acts of kindness, with bravery, with unwavering faith. The burdens we carry are heavy, and we need someone with strong shoulders. I know that if we entrust this nation to Joe, he will do for your family what he did for ours: bring us together and make us whole, carry us forward in our time of need, keep the promise of America for all of us.” “Great job. God love you, I don’t know how you …”

On the second night of the virtual convention, former Vice President Joseph R. Biden Jr. officially became the Democratic Party’s nominee for president.CreditCredit…Democratic National Convention

Denied the chance to assemble in Milwaukee because of the pandemic, Democrats formally nominated Joseph R. Biden Jr. for the presidency on Tuesday from locations across all 50 states, the American territories and the District of Columbia.

While the bulk of the speeches addressed themes like national security, presidential accountability and continuity between past and future leaders of the party, the virus still made a few high-profile cameos:

Mayor Tom Barrett of Milwaukee invited Democrats to come to his city once the coronavirus crisis had passed. “Unlike the president, we never made fun of face masks,” he said. “We understand why we can’t be together this week, and we hope you do too.”

Former President Bill Clinton accused President Trump of downplaying the virus crisis, and of collapsing under the pressure of a real management challenge. “At a time like this, the Oval Office should be a command center,” he said. “Instead, it’s a storm center. There’s only chaos. Just one thing never changes — his determination to deny responsibility and shift the blame. The buck never stops there.”

Jill Biden, Mr. Biden’s wife and a former high school English teacher, expressed heartache over the losses from the coronavirus, as well as the frustration and fear it was inspiring among parents of schoolchildren. “Like so many of you, I’m left asking, ‘How do I keep my family safe?’” she said.

The convention’s central event — its roll call vote — was drastically revamped to accommodate the constraints imposed by the pandemic. This year, it consisted of a series of pretaped recordings of delegates listing their vote tallies, replacing the iconic and photogenic ritual of delegates shouting their state’s numbers into a hand-held microphone.

Australia signs a deal for a coronavirus vaccine, promising free doses for all citizens.

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Australia’s Prime Minister Announces Coronavirus Vaccine Deal

Prime Minister Scott Morrison of Australia signed a deal with the drugmaker AstraZeneca to manufacture a coronavirus vaccine and provide it free to 25 million Australians.

We’re here today to announce that we’ve signed a letter of intent with AstraZeneca which will enable Australia to access, should it be successful, the vaccine for Covid-19 here in Australia, manufactured here in Australia, distributed free to 25 million Australians, in the event that those trials prove successful. The next step in these arrangements is to see how those trials go, to complete the manufacturing agreements, and they are well advanced, and I feel very positive about those, and then to identify, as I said, other potential vaccine prospects that Australia can partner with. This particular vaccine, it’s an unproven technology so far, but the initial results are very positive in terms of both efficacy so the effectiveness of the vaccine will be trialled in larger groups of human trials over the coming months, but the efficacy in terms of developing antibodies against coronavirus has been shown to be true, as well as the safety in the Phase 1 and Phase 2 trials.

Prime Minister Scott Morrison of Australia signed a deal with the drugmaker AstraZeneca to manufacture a coronavirus vaccine and provide it free to 25 million Australians.CreditCredit…Pool photo by Nick Moir

The Australian government has signed a deal with the drugmaker AstraZeneca to secure a potential coronavirus vaccine, and promised to offer it free to its 25 million citizens if clinical trials were successful.

The vaccine, a partnership between the British-Swedish drug maker and Oxford University, is in Phase III clinical trials. As of July, more than 10,000 participants in Britain, Brazil and South Africa had received doses.

“The Oxford vaccine is one of the most advanced and promising in the world, and under this deal we have secured early access for every Australian,” Prime Minister Scott Morrison said in a statement on Wednesday.

He added that the vaccine doses would be manufactured domestically for its citizens, and that his office was working to secure early access for countries in Southeast Asia and those in Australia’s “Pacific family.”

Australia has also signed a $17.9 million deal with the U.S. medical technology company Becton Dickinson to supply needles and syringes.

Mr. Morrison said that Australia had so far invested $185 million in coronavirus vaccines, but did not specify the value of the AstraZeneca deal. Local news reports have estimated that the country’s overall plan to acquire vaccines would be worth billions of dollars.

The partnership between Oxford and AstraZeneca is among the most closely watched coronavirus vaccine efforts in the world. It was also the first to enter Phase III trials, and several countries — including Britain and the United States — have already agreed to pay hundreds of millions of dollars for a total of two billion doses even before the vaccine’s efficacy has been proven.

On Wednesday, Mr. Morrison cautioned that there was “no guarantee that this, or any other, vaccine will be successful,” and that his government was casting its net wide to find a vaccine.

Australia has reported 23,773 cases and 438 deaths. A recent outbreak in Melbourne, the country’s second-largest city, led to a lockdown with some of the toughest restrictions in the world.

Just one in five families will have any sort of in-person help this school year, a survey finds.

Janae Sturgeon and Demetrus Dugar at home with their children, Hannah, Isabel and Xayvion, in Kent, Wash.Credit…Ruth Fremson/The New York Times

Parents across the United States are facing the pandemic school year feeling overwhelmed, anxious and abandoned. With few good options for support, the vast majority have resigned themselves to going it alone, a new survey for The New York Times has found.

Just one in seven parents said their children would be returning to school full time this fall, and for most children, remote school requires hands-on help from an adult at home. Yet four in five parents said they would have no in-person help, whether from relatives, neighbors, nannies or tutors, according to the survey, administered by Morning Consult. And more than half of parents will be taking on this second, unpaid job at the same time they’re holding down paid work.

Raising children has always been a community endeavor, and suddenly the village that parents relied on is gone. It’s taking a toll on parents’ careers, families’ well-being and children’s education.

In families where both wage earners need to work outside the home, parents have obvious logistical challenges because they cannot be in two places at once. Three-fourths of these parents say they will be overseeing their children’s education, and nearly half will be handling primary child care, according to the survey, answered by a nationally representative group of 1,081 parents from Aug. 4 to 8.

Eighty percent of parents who are both working remotely during the pandemic will also be handling child care and education.

One-fifth of parents are considering hiring a private teacher or tutor to help with their children’s education while school is remote, according to the survey.

“All the choices stink,” said Kate Averett, a sociologist at the University at Albany in New York who has been interviewing parents nationwide since the spring. “There is a lot of stress, a lot of anxiety. Parents tell me about not being able to sleep because they’re so anxious, or tell me they’ve been crying a lot. There’s been a lot of actual crying during interviews.”

education roundup

Pandemic precautions at U.S. military academies: Tight quarters at Annapolis, ample space at West Point.

A socially distanced Induction Day at the U.S. Naval Academy in Annapolis, Md., in June.Credit…Patrick Smith/Getty Images

Military discipline gives the nation’s service academies one advantage over civilian colleges in dealing with the coronavirus threat: They can give students direct orders, and not just ask for compliance with safety precautions. But in many other ways, their traditions and long heritage creates complications, especially at the U.S. Naval Academy in Annapolis, Md.

When the midshipmen — the academy’s students — begin classes on Wednesday, not all of them will be seated in classrooms. And in what may be a first for the school, which was founded in 1845, not all will even be on campus — at least not right away.

Ordinarily, all midshipmen live in a single dormitory: Bancroft Hall, a sprawling building with eight wings. But this year, one wing has been set aside to quarantine students exposed to the virus and isolate those who contract it. (The nearest military hospital is 38 miles away.)

So the academy plans to house about 500 midshipmen off campus in the surrounding area — a major departure for a tightly guarded institution accustomed to curfews and strict discipline. The academy said it expected to bring the remainder of its midshipmen to Annapolis by mid-September.

The Naval Academy fills 338 acres, some of it reclaimed from the Severn River — a much tighter space than the U.S. Military Academy’s 16,000 acres at West Point, N.Y., and the Air Force Academy’s 18,000-plus acres in Colorado Springs, Colo.

With so much more space, the Army allowed all 4,400 cadets to be on campus when classes began Monday. Unlike Annapolis, West Point had several spare barracks available; two have been made ready to quarantine students if needed, and one has been converted to serve as an isolation ward. The Keller Army Community Hospital, with a 16-bed intensive care unit and a supply of ventilators, is on the post and can care for cadets who come down with Covid-19, according to Lt. Col. Christopher Ophardt, an Army spokesman.

Cmdr. Alana Garas, a Navy spokeswoman, said that, wherever they are, all 4,600 midshipmen will be taking classes offered in a “hybrid” fashion, combining in-person and online instruction.

The Air Force Academy, a much younger institution established in the 1950s, did not respond to queries about its pandemic precautions.

The Pentagon prohibits the academies from releasing the exact number of midshipmen and cadets who have contracted the coronavirus, but both Annapolis and West Point have reported an infection rate of less than two percent among students.

In other education news:

A week into the fall semester, the University of Notre Dame announced on Tuesday that it would move to online instruction for at least the next two weeks in an attempt to control a growing coronavirus outbreak. Michigan State University also shifted its reopening plans, telling students not to return for the start of classes in two weeks.

GLOBAL ROUNDUP

The Philippines mostly reopens for business, against experts’ advice.

A market in Manila on Tuesday.Credit…Eloisa Lopez/Reuters

The Philippines largely reopened for business on Wednesday, against the advice of some health experts.

The Philippines has nearly 170,000 confirmed coronavirus cases, including nearly 30,000 that were reported in the past week, according to a New York Times database. Its total caseload is the highest in Southeast Asia.

Under the rules that took effect on Wednesday, more industries were allowed to open, limited church services were allowed to resume, and restaurants welcomed dine-in customers. The rules apply in and around Manila, the capital, and several outlying provinces, a region that has been under various stages of lockdown since March.

“Almost all industries will reopen, except for those that attract mass gatherings” like amusement parks, said Harry Roque, a spokesman for President Rodrigo Duterte.

The easing of the lockdown was designed to revive a flagging economy that has taken a beating from the virus and that has officially slipped into recession in the second quarter. Mr. Duterte’s government has insisted that the majority of those infected in recent weeks have shown mild symptoms.

But health experts have warned that lifting lockdowns too quickly would lead to more cases and deaths. Nearly all of Manila’s hospitals are under severe strain.

“It’s really counterintuitive to reopen the economy amidst the steep rise of cases and the presence of fully loaded hospitals,” Dr. Anthony Leachon, a former adviser to Mr. Duterte’s government on the pandemic, said in an interview.

In other developments around the world:

South Korea reported 297 new infections on Wednesday, its highest daily rise since March. Kim Gang-lip, a senior health official, warned that new infections in and around Seoul, the capital, could lead to “massive nationwide transmission.” The country of about 51 million people has reported at least 16,000 confirmed infections during the pandemic, including at least 1,300 in the past week, according to a New York Times database.

The head of the organization responsible for approving vaccines in Germany expects the first doses of a coronavirus vaccine to be available in the country by the beginning of next year. Klaus Cichutek, the president of the Paul Ehrlich Institute, said the timing was contingent on whether “the data in the Phase 3 trials prove the efficacy and safety of vaccine products.” Germany recorded 1,510 new infections on Tuesday, according to a New York Times database, the country’s highest daily total since the beginning of May.

Pope Francis said on Wednesday that a coronavirus vaccine should be made universally available, especially to the poor. “How sad it would be if access to a Covid-19 vaccine were made available only to the rich,” the pope said during his weekly address, which since March has been broadcast from the apostolic library instead of being held in St. Peter’s Square. The pandemic, Francis said, was a crisis that could help improve the world by overcoming the “social injustice, lack of equal opportunity and marginalization of the poor.” He added, “We must come out better.”

Aiming to provide a better picture of how the virus is spreading across Britain, the government announced a rapid expansion of one of its testing programs. The program selects a random sample of the population, regardless of whether they are experiencing symptoms. The survey, which currently tests 28,000 people every two weeks in England, will be expanded to all parts of the United Kingdom, and a new target has been set of testing 150,000 people every two weeks by October. At least 41,000 people have died from the coronavirus in Britain, which has struggled in its efforts to track down those who have been exposed.

Nepal plans to reimpose a strict lockdown and curfew in the Kathmandu Valley for a week, the country’s news media reported. All movement except essential services will be restricted. Nepal has reported at least 4,300 cases in the past week, for a total of at least 28,000.

Reporting was contributed by Peter Baker, Alexander Burns, Choe Sang-Hun, Emily Cochrane, Nick Corasaniti, Sheri Fink, Katie Glueck, Jason Gutierrez, Isayen Herrera, John Ismay, Mike Ives, Jennifer Jett, Anatoly Kurmanaev, Sharon LaFraniere, Jonathan Martin, Claire Cain Miller, Adam Nagourney, Elisabetta Povoledo, Frances Robles, Anna Schaverien, Christopher F. Schuetze, Eileen Sullivan, Jim Tankersley, Sheyla Urdaneta, Noah Weiland and Elaine Yu.

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[theindulgentzine]

The Indulgent Zine is looking for submissions! Submissions are now open for its November issue under the theme summer’s end.

The Indulgent Zine is an online monthly poetry zine run by Linn D, it is built around softness, upon the idea that love and care can mend our brokenness. The Indulgent Zine will be published on Issuu every 5th of the month starting in November 2017. 

Submission rules

Submissions are open until October 20th.

Poems must be sent to theindulgentzine@gmail.com as a pdf file and be over a 100 words and under 1500 words. 

Subject of email must be “Indulgent Zine submission: summer’s end”. Authors may not send more than 3 submissions per month. Authors must include their pen names as well as a three lines bio written in third person. 

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[release-info]

Competitions resumed with the 1950 World Cup in Brazil, which was the first to include British participants. British teams withdrew from FIFA in 1920, partly out of unwillingness to play against the countries they had been at war with, and partly as a protest against a foreign influence to football,[13] but rejoined in 1946 following FIFA’s invitation. England’s involvement, however, was not to be a success. The English failed to make the final group round in a campaign that included a surprise 1–0 loss to the United States.[14] The tournament also saw the return of 1930 champions Uruguay, who had boycotted the previous two World Cups. For political reasons, Eastern European countries (such as Hungary, the Soviet Union and Czechoslovakia) did not enter. Title-holder Italy did take part, despite the Superga air disaster of 1949 in which the entire Grande Torino team (many who were national team players) were killed. The 1950 World Cup was the only tournament not to stage a final tie, replacing knockout rounds with two group phases. The last match of the second group phase, however, is sometimes referred to as a “final”, as the group standings meant the winners would be the overall winners. Uruguay were surprise victors over hosts Brazil with a final score of 2–1 (the game would later be known as Maracanazo), and became champions for the second time. This game also held the record for the highest attendance at any sporting match, at roughly 200,000.[15] Clock installed in the Wankdorf Stadium in Bern in the final match of the 1954 FIFA World Cup The 1954 World Cup, held in Switzerland, was the first to be televised. The Soviet Union did not participate because of their dismal performance at the 1952 Summer Olympics. Scotland made their first appearance in the tournament, but were unable to register a win, going out after the group stage. This tournament set a number of all-time goal-scoring records, including highest average goals per game and highest-scoring team (Hungary), and most goals in a single match (Austria’s 7–5 quarter-final victory over Switzerland). West Germany were the tournament winners, defeating Olympic champions Hungary 3–2 in the final, overturning a 2–0 deficit in the process, with Helmut Rahn scoring the winner. The match is known as the Miracle of Bern in Germany. Brazil won the 1958 World Cup, held in Sweden, and became the first team to win a World Cup outside their home continent (only 4 teams have done this to date – Brazil in 1958, 1970, 1994 and 2002, Argentina in 1986, Spain in 2010 and Germany in 2014). The Soviet Union participated this time, most likely due to their win at Melbourne 1956. For the first (and so far only) time, all four British teams qualified for the final round. Wales was able to take advantage of a situation in the Africa/Asia zone, where the number of withdrawals would give Israel qualification without having played a single qualifying match. This prompted FIFA to rule that qualification without playing was not allowed (despite allowing this to happen in earlier years of the Cup), and so Israel were ordered to play against one of the teams finishing second in the other groups. A tie was created, and Wales defeated Israel 2–0 twice in 1958. It was the first (and so far the only) time that a country played a World Cup final round after having been eliminated in the regular qualifiers. The tournament also saw the emergence of Pelé, who scored two goals in the final. French striker Just Fontaine became the top scorer of the tournament. The 1960s Edit Chile hosted the 1962 World Cup. Two years before the tournament, an earthquake struck, the largest ever recorded at 9.5 magnitude, prompting officials to rebuild due to major damage to infrastructure. When the competition began, two of the best players were in poor form as Pelé was injured in Brazil’s second group match against Czechoslovakia. Also, the Soviet Union saw their goalkeeper Lev Yashin show poor form including a 2–1 loss to hosts Chile as the hosts captured third place. The competition was also marred by overly defensive and often violent tactics. This poisonous atmosphere culminated in what was known as the Battle of Santiago first round match between Italy and Chile in which Chile won 2–0. Prior to the match, two Italian journalists wrote unflattering articles about the host country. In the match, players on both sides made deliberate attempts to harm opponents though only two players from Italy were sent off by English referee Ken Aston. In the end, the Italian team needed police protection to leave the field in safety. When the final whistle blew, Brazil beat Czechoslovakia for the second World Cup in a row by a final of 3–1 led by Garrincha and Amarildo, in Pelé’s absence, and retained the Jules Rimet trophy. Colombia’s Marcos Coll made World Cup history when he scored a goal direct from a corner kick (called an Olympic Goal in Latin America), the only one ever made in a World Cup, past legendary Soviet goalkeeper Lev Yashin. The 1966 World Cup, hosted by England, was the first to embrace marketing, featuring a mascot and official logo for the first time. The trophy was stolen in the run-up to the tournament but was found a week later by a dog named “Pickles”.[16] South Africa was banned for violating the anti-discrimination charter (apartheid). The ban remained in effect until 1992 when the South Africa Football Association was finally accepted by FIFA. The qualifying rounds of the tournament saw a controversy when the African nations decided to withdraw in protest of only one qualifying place allocated by FIFA to the regions of Asia, Oceania and Africa. The eventual qualifiers from the zone, North Korea, became the first Asian team to reach the quarter-finals, eliminating Italy in the process. England won the tournament, although João Havelange (former FIFA president from 1974 to 1998) claimed that the 1966 and 1974 World Cups were fixed so that England and Germany would win respectively.[17] Geoff Hurst became the first and to this day the only player to score a hat-trick in a World Cup Final and Eusébio, whose team Portugal were taking part in their first World Cup, was the tournament top-scorer, with nine goals to his name. The 1970s Edit The qualification stages of the 1970 World Cup were coincidental with the Football War between Honduras and El Salvador. The finals were held in Mexico. Israel had been with Europe, but due to political issues, it was becoming harder to place them adequately in the qualifying rounds. They were grouped in Asia/Oceania. Korea DPR then refused to meet them, even though this meant automatic disqualification. The group stage clash between defending champions England and Brazil lived up to its billing, and is still remembered for England goalkeeper Gordon Banks’ save from a Pelé header on the six-yard line, arguably the best save ever. The tournament is also remembered for the semi-final match between Italy and West Germany, in which five goals were scored in extra time, and Franz Beckenbauer played with a broken arm, since Germany had used up all their allowed substitutions. Italy were the eventual 4–3 winners, but were defeated 1–4 in the final by Brazil, who became the first nation to win three World Cups, and were awarded the Jules Rimet trophy permanently for their achievement. The football has evolved steadily since the first game was played at Rutgers University in New Jersey on Nov. 6, 1869. But even though the forward pass was legalized in 1906, until the ball took on its present size and shape in 1935, the pass was a nonplay History of Football – The Origins. … It all began in 1863 in England, when rugby football and association football branched off on their different courses and the Football Association in England was formed – becoming the sport’s first governing body. https://www.fifa.com › http://bit.ly/2WqaspR

[gadgetsrevv]

Aaron Connolly could still get Ireland senior call-up for Euro qualifiers

Aaron Connolly could yet be drafted into the senior Ireland squad for the upcoming Euro qualifiers away to Georgia and Switzerland.

Mick McCarthy and Stephen Kenny spoke on Tuesday and discussed the possibility of the uncapped Brighton attacker stepping up.

As it stands, the emerging Brighton star is still in Kenny’s Under-21 plans for their own Euro double-header against Italy and Iceland.

But Connolly’s stock is rising by the week after a run of four Premier League appearances for the Seagulls this season.

And McCarthy was blown away by his scintillating performance in Ireland’s recent win over Armenia at Tallaght Stadium.

With Sheffield United striker David McGoldrick in a race against time to be fit for the Tbilisi and Georgia games, McCarthy is considering all his options.

Ireland Under 21 manager Stephen Kenny (Image: ©INPHO/Bryan Keane)

Kenny said yesterday: “It’s just the situation we’re in and I’m not complaining about that as they’re two hugely important fixtures in Georgia and Switzerland.

“That’s the nature of my job and I understand that. We want to have our best players available but if it happens, it happens.”

Asked if he thought the Galway teen, 19, could handle the step up to senior ranks, Kenny said: “He’s made a lot of progress in a short space of time and he’s done very well.

“When I was playing him on the left in Toulon during the summer, Brighton had never played him on the left.

“Now, I’m not claiming great credit for the idea. He played there for Colin O’Brien at Under-17 a couple of times but he never played on the left for Brighton.

“Brighton see him as a centre forward. We’re still learning about him but he has performed at a very high level in the Under-21 games to date.”

On Tuesday, McCarthy claimed he was unlikely to raid Kenny’s high-flying squad just for the sake of it, considering the importance of the 21’s own games.

And he also wondered if high-stakes senior qualifiers were the right environment to blood uncapped youngsters.

Kenny said: “He’s not an orthodox left-sided player. He’s not James McClean, so he’s not going to be doubling up with your full-back or covering your full-back.

“He’s someone that plays out to in, if you like. He plays as a left-sided forward. He’s not an orthodox winger, he’s a forward who plays on the left.

“It’s a different position but he’s a goal threat and he’s a dribbler – an exciting dribbler.

“It’s not for me to say how he would do but he’s done well. But he may not be involved in the seniors and could still be involved against Italy which would be great to see.”

Connor Ronan returns to the squad – which has three wins from three so far – after broken ribs kept him out of the games against Armenia and Sweden last month.

And Kameron Ledwidge of Southampton is among the defenders after injured Bohemians left-back Darragh Leahy was ruled out

Kenny was in England on Tuesday night to see Ledwidge play against Walsall in the Football League Trophy.

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