#healing trauma

[samxcamargo]

Book: Night Drives 💖

[spookysalem13]

As a trauma survivor. And someone who continues to undergo trauma daily in many forms. I understand this more than I'd like to admit.

I've become very quiet. I've become even more introverted than I ever was before. More focused on healing. Diving deeper into my spirituality. Going to therapy. Doing shadow work. Because healing is so important.

[bl0omss]

[sunrisethoughts02]

please remember that if processing old trauma/doing shadow work/any emotional processing becomes exhausting, this doesn’t mean it’s not working. Even physical symptoms — headaches after crying, etc — deserve care and loving kindness. you’re not failing, you’re healing, and this is your chance to create new patterns of care and love for yourself 💜

[melblogsgfreethruptsd]

🙏🏼💕✨

[alchemyofmaya]

Isolation is for healing. But you can’t possibly know whether you are healing until you take the chance and go out and live, have experiences that bring up the possibility of triggering you, and then you will see — whether you’ve been healing or if you’ve just been avoiding all the things you fear will hurt you.

[unwelcome-ozian]

[seidigardensystem]

Your Words Matter

Dear Therapists,

I had just logged into a Zoom session for my Diagnosing Pathology class and my cohort was in deep discussion with one particular student as we all waited for our professor. This student in particular was already working in some sort of clinical setting, not yet giving therapy, but a new client profile had come across her desk with a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder. She didn’t know much about the diagnosis herself, but she was concerned because her boss said, “Whoa, good luck with that one. Borderlines are very difficult to work with.”

Difficult. It’s not the first time I’ve heard that word. Every time I hear a professional utter the word, “difficult” when referencing a client it stings. Is that how you really see us? As patients/clients that are stuck in a downward spiral whose struggles are too much for you to handle? Don’t you believe in what you do and that there is hope for us?

My heart breaks for whoever this person is that has borderline personality disorder because the cards have been stacked against them before they’ve even gotten started. One of my school assignments required me to write about working with a difficult population and this was my response:

“If we get the idea that a particular diagnosis or population is difficult to work with it feels like we are setting ourselves up for failure. Maybe we will treat them differently or have lower expectations or refuse to work with them because we have a negative perception.”

In 2022, I attended the Healing Together conference hosted by An Infinite Mind in Orlando, Florida. I was sitting in a session where I could hear and learn about lived experiences with dissociation and an excerpt from a book was read aloud as an example of how some clinicians view dissociative identity disorder. The presenter who read the excerpt was sad, the audience was sad, and I felt infuriated. The gist of the excerpt talked about how a clinician should be wary because clients with dissociative identity disorder are difficult to work with and that they bring unsolvable problems to therapy.

Unsolvable problems? Listen, if a client’s problem was easy to solve, they wouldn’t need therapy! Of course we are bringing our unsolvable problems to you. We believe in your ability to help us. We were trusting you enough to share our struggles. When we hear you call us difficult, challenging, resistant, and a myriad of other words, you break our trust and confidence.

My ask of you is that you reframe your perspective of difficult clients. My therapist always says that behavior is communication, so when you find a client’s behavior particularly difficult, ask yourself, “What is my client trying to tell me?” “What does my client need right now?” Seek out peer consultation or supervision without passing judgment on how difficult a client is for you.

I’ve always carried around my own judgment about myself as a client in therapy. I used to tell my therapist, “Thank you for putting up with me” and her response was, “There’s nothing to put up with.” When I had the opportunity to watch her present at a conference once, I went up to her just before it started to tell her she’d do a great job. She just smiled and said, “Everything I’m presenting today, I learned from you.” I thought about that for a long time. Not once, in our years of therapy had she ever shown any indication of frustration, feeling challenged, or felt I was difficult. She simply adapted her interventions as needed.

The NICABM posted back on June 11, 2022 on their Facebook page a quote from Pat Ogden, PhD; “When we call clients resistant or difficult, it’s because our interventions are not working and we feel incompetent.” As clients, we don’t think you’re incompetent. We think there’s something wrong with us and we believe you when we hear you say we’re difficult. So, please, choose carefully. Your words matter.

Sincerely,

A DID Client

References

NICABM. (2022, June 11). What may at first seem like opposition or resistance can often signal a client’s deepest struggles. [Status Update]. [Image attached]. Facebook. https://www.facebook.com/NICABM/photos/10159170676011314

[traumaalchemy]

[goldengoodness-aura]

HEALING YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH POWER ~ Mars/ Saturn Aspects

I have done quite a lot of healing on myself around the concept of power. We, as a society, have learned that power always means something outside of ourselves. As if we are inherently powerless and we need to gain some kind of power from the outer world. That means we are trained to focus our energy on becoming more, having more, being more - and it's never really enough. That's especially true for folks with Mars/ Saturn Aspects. They always feel they are not enough. In this post, I wanna go into this complex and show alternatives for healing that negative perception about themselves and the world.

Mars is the archetype that is most connect to the concept of life force/ energy. It is our ability to act in the world. Many people are afraid of owning their Mars, because of so many negative examples, both in their lifes and in the collective, of the use of this energy. Mars/ Saturn people have been stopped, many times, my rigid forces that seem to come from the outside- in the form of people, authorities, institutions, etc. They have been told- consciouly or unconsciously- that they somehow didn't have the right to freely act in their lifes- including their bodies. Mars/ Saturn is the archetype of the trapped warrior - the person that feels like he or she needs to be constantly fighting. But that "fight" is never enough. The feeling is like being on a hamster wheel and not being able to stop. Act act act do do do but it's never quite enough- and it never frees them. Saturn is like an impenetrable wall. The Mars/ Saturn person feels like it's trying to build his/ her life' s path through that rigid wall.

It does not have to be always that difficult, folks. Healing abuse and power over power under dynamics IS POSSIBLE. One of the frist things that Mars/ Saturn needs to heal is to not be willing anymore to abuse themselves. They are so used to stretch themselves beyond their limits that they believe they don't have any other choice. But they do. It's just the habit of believing you cannot be kind to yourself. This usually comes from an internalization of violent and judging voices from the past, including parents, teaches or bosses. Mars/ Saturn has very strong reactions to authorities- both positive and negative. They need to become a gentle authority for themselves. They need to learn that it is possible to go beyond fear and limitation.

It's possible to learn better ways to live. Life is not a punishment, it's not supposed to be a punishment. It's possible to live as a wild and free being. The being that you were before you've learned that you couldn't be yourself. You can. You alredy are yourself, it's just a matter of finding that life force that has been hiding inside of you. No person or institution has true power over you. What that means is that power is not about money, pyshical strengh or any other kind of social convention. Power is about being yourself. Deep inside. It's about knowing the presence that you are. You are not a victimized being. You are not your traumas and your fears. You don't depend on those things to definied who you are. But it's okay to honor what has happened and what you feel. It's okay to be compassionate and know that you no longer need to trap yourself in fear. You no longer need to be your own abuser.

[middlenamesage]

The transit South Node, in my experience, brings such beautiful healing. And it’s not like a Pluto transit where you have to be cracked completely open first. No, it’s more like just finally finding the strength to let go of a belief, habit or any other type of pattern in your consciousness that hasn’t been working out for you.

It’s funny because my natal South Node seems to be hell bent on keeping me sucked down in an unhealthy and very unproductive focus on its house. But transit South Node gets nothing but my praise, because its transit on my Moon and Pluto in Scorpio, followed by its current transit on my Black Moon Lilith in Libra, is really just the prescription I needed to help sweep away detrimental self beliefs and stubborn trauma responses that had been compromising my lunar security for ages. And I’m honestly struck by how graciously and almost painlessly it’s been managing to do it.

There is a lot of info out there saying South Node transits can bring the pain. But maybe if you’re someone whose consciousness tends to be in the past anyway, then the South Node can just provide assistance to help you finally let go of beliefs, responses or habits you’ve known for ages are no longer serving you. Maybe these transits are only painful if one has to be confronted with ways they weren’t even aware they needed to let go.

My 9th house Scorpio Moon no longer feels like it has a chokehold on the entire rest of my chart, due to the toxic self beliefs I learned from my nurturing. There is space to form new beliefs now. And my Black Moon Lilith in Libra can finally see herself as capable and worthy of being in loving partnership. This transit of the South Node has really shown me the face of my Lilith in her power; not the face of her when she abandons her power and self sabotages.

Anyone else have any observations about what the South Node in Libra, Scorpio (or any sign!) has done for them? The lunar Nodes can be such a critical force from all that I can see. They’re so worth paying attention to in transit, and especially if the Nodes are big in your chart or if you are a lunar person.

[samxcamargo]

Book: The Pain of Healing by Samantha Camargo on amazon 💛

[ghostoflillith]

It is not your responsibility:

To take on someone elses healing

To process someone's trauma for them

To monitor and manage someone else's emotions

To teach people how to love

To try and get people to appreciate you

To "keep the peace"

To spend all your energy trying to keep someone happy

To try and prevent someone from cheating

To teach people how to apologize & take accountability

To try and get others to change toxic behaviors

To accept responsibility for pain you didn't cause

To try and get them to heal pain they have caused to others

To do all the emotional labor in your relationships and friendships

To accept less than you deserve

To blame yourself when people treat you poorly

To teach them emotional intelligence

To stay quiet when you are hurting

To lie and hide things for them

To protect people who wouldn't do the same for you

To help someone else grow

To teach people how to find healthy coping mechanisms that work for them

To allow yourself to be taken for granted for the sake of "love"

To believe them when they have been caught lying before

To teach people self love

To make excuses, explanations or justifications for someone else

To allow yourself to be manipulated because you want to believe them

To control other people

To awaken them

To change their beliefs about themselves and the world around them

To convince them why they should want to better themselves

To pull them out of the hole they've dug for themselves

To try to repair relationships you didn't break

To stay where you feel you no longer belong

To make yourself small to keep other's comfortable

It IS our responsibility to heal OURSELVES, and in doing so, inspiring other's to do the same.

No matter how many people have told you that you are a "healer," it is NOT your responsibility to heal those who don't want to be healed, aren't ready for it, or arent appreciative of you.

Some may never take this path, and that is their choice to make.

Protect your energy.

[isleep-ingraves]

Hey, uh, shadow work community, could I get some advice?

I've been doing more shadow work as a part of my journaling for therapy. My goal for starting therapy again was to work on healing the trauma I have never properly addressed.

It's been really good and really healing.

My question though, is how do you remain kind and gentle to yourself during this process?

I feel like I'm sort of in the, "it's me, hi, I'm the problem," phase. And I had a very large and intense reflective realization today.

With this has ushered in a bit of self hatred.

I want this to be useful and productive, and I know it won't be if I don't find a way to be kinder to myself through this.

Do y'all have any thoughts/ideas/etc?

[vanwritestrauma]

It's so affirming to search and find a lot about how childhood sexual assault can affect the victims.

I'm not the monster people seem to want to portray me to be just because I'm different and I've made mistakes that fill me with shame. I was shaped from a young age, in ways out of my control, and I've been doing my best with no support or guidance since then. Don't judge me when you haven't walked even a single step in my shoes.

I flourish in environments that are safe, that allow me the space to process and heal. Which do not include mental warzones.

[stumbling-after-happiness]

TW (CSA)

A hard thing for me about being a CSA survivor/victim is that it can be like living a double life.

I’ll stand in the supermarket check out line like I didn’t have a seriously effed up childhood, holding some discounted fruit. And no one around me knows that I’m trying to cope with the earth-shattering knowledge that my own mother and father were my abusers. And most other people seem to be waiting in line with their supplies as though they have no idea the pain that someone can inflict on another.

Some people sadly probably do know about this deep pain. However, we just wait there with our waiting faces, trying to get our food and go.

It’s like I’ve just survived a horrendous ship wreck and I’ve pulled myself to shore. My hair is matted, clothes hanging off, pale skin, dirty nails, shivering, no shoes, and a wild desperation in my eyes. And the people around me are just walking past.

The invisibility I feel as a survivor is no one’s fault, however it’s so strange living in a world where many others have no idea of the suffering I’ve experienced.

And the expectation is there that I should be a fully functioning adult with a job, neat little life, and average levels of happiness. When I’m still coming to terms with what I lost in a storm.