#hence me making this drawing tonight

[pocket-notebook]

He can't be tied down ... just yet

[crest-of-gautier]

video editing is so fun... (specifically cutting down hours of gameplay into a highlights format)

[emocheol]

seventeens pet name for you

seungcheol

baby

loves to be a caretaker so having you be his baby is natural.

he’s always holding you in his arms, almost like he’s trying to protect you from the world and keep you to himself.

when you’re tired you actually get into baby mode and he loves doting on you, knowing that you won’t fight him on it.

“baby, don’t worry i’ll do that for you”

“baby, come give me a kiss”

“baby, i missed you so much”

“baby, you know i’d do anything for you”

jeonghan

angel

sure, he’s the angel of seventeen but you’re his angel.

always says that you were sent from heaven just for him because of how perfect you are, hence an angel.

when he sees a new picture of you he’ll screenshot it and draw a halo over your head and send it back to you with a text that says ‘your halo is shining so bright, my angel’ (love makes him cheesy)

“angel, let’s stay in bed today”

“angel, can you do my hair?”

“angel, i hope you know im obsessed with you”

“angel, you’re the only one for me”

joshua

love

such a classic and gentle name, just like joshua.

he loves you so much the only word that he can think of when it comes to you is love.

if anyone calls him a simp he will gladly own that title because, duh, you’re his partner! of course he’s gonna simp over you!

will do whatever you want at the drop of a hat. he’ll even suggest cancelling his schedules if you want him to stay home, you decline but quite literally have to push him out the door to leave.

“love, come cuddle with me”

“love, i hate every second that i’m away from you”

“love, let’s get matching outfits”

“my love, you’re so perfect”

jun

sweetheart

actually spent a lot of time contemplating what your pet name should be. he didn’t want to get it wrong!

tested way too many names over multiple weeks, seeing if they rolled off the tongue, but none of them did.

finally lands on sweetheart, when he says it for the first time he knows he’s found the perfect name.

now he barely says your name, saying that sweetheart encapsulates your entire being.

“sweetheart, want me to do the dishes?”

“sweetheart, can you read me a story?”

“sweetheart, do you know how much i love you?”

“sweetheart, you’re my favorite person of all time”

soonyoung

honey

soonyoung thinks you’re sweet like honey, so he just has to call you that!

you have the same nickname for him which results in all your friends pretending to gag when you both start calling each other honey. they say it’s sickening, sickeningly sweet

likes to dote on you, would wait on hand and foot if you told him to.

“honey, do you need anything before i leave?”

“honey, i’m home!” (his favorite phrase)

“honey, let’s go on a date tonight”

“honey, you’re the sweetest person in the world”

wonwoo

babe

has always thought that pet names were cringe but when you started calling him every sweet name under the sun he knew he had to come up with one for you.

landed on the classic ‘babe’, he says it flows well, its natural when he’s talking to you now.

doesn’t want anyone else to hear him call you it, so he usually sticks to saying it at home or whispering it to you.

“babe, stay by my side, i don’t want anything happening to you”

“babe, don’t get up yet it’s too early”

“babe, you wanna see my new game?”

“babe, i adore you”

jihoon

baby

another natural caretaker, loves to be the big strong man in the relationship so naturally you’re his baby.

gets salty when you try to dote on him since he knows he should be doing it to you instead.

landed on it because you were pouting once and he said the resemblance to a baby was uncanny.

“baby, you don’t have to stay at the studio with me”

“baby, get some sleep”

“baby, let’s stay in tonight”

“baby, i know i don’t show it as much as i should, but i’m eternally grateful for you”

minghao

darling

claims that their song ‘darling’ is about you to try and make it special (it was just a coincidence but you’ll take it)

says you’re like a sparkling jewel, so perfect, so enchanting, and so darling

always talks to you in the most endearing tone, he can never be mad at you.

“darling, what do you want to have for dinner?”

“darling, let me take a picture of you”

“darling, don’t forget to call me on your break”

“darling, you’re so precious to me”

mingyu

sweetie

loves to bake you desserts and say something like ‘a sweet for my sweetie’.

thinks you’re so sweet and lovely that sweetie is a given name for you.

food is his love language so he’s always making you meals and sweet desserts.

“sweetie, try this new dish i made”

“sweetie, give me a kiss before you go”

“sweetie, give me a bite of that”

“sweetie, you’re it for me”

seokmin

love/lovie

this man is simply obsessed with, so so utterly in love, hence the name love.

everyone swears they can see hearts in his eyes when he looks at you or talks about you.

couldn’t think of a good name for you so he went to his friends being like ‘i’m so in love with them but i can’t think of a pet name! wait… love!’

“lovie, don’t forget about me :(” (you’re just going to work for the day)

“love, do you want to come to karaoke night?”

“lovie, i’m your favorite guy, right?”

“my love~, i wrote this song for you, wanna hear it?”

seungkwan

boo

yes, his nickname for you is his last name. no, it’s not weird! he’ll call you mrs./mr. boo because he can’t wait until you have his last name.

when some calls for ‘boo’ you both turn around, thinking it was for you. this just makes you both laugh and look at each other like you had a little inside secret that no one else understood.

he’ll always say it with literal hearts in his eyes.

“boo, have a good day at work”

“my boo~, i miss you”

“boo, do you want to go have a spa night?”

“my boo~, i love you to the ends of the earth”

vernon

babe

also thinks pet names are cringe so he settled on the most obvious and classic one.

but then actually he starts to like it (to his horror), and starts to call you it all the time.

only ever calls you babe now, and will be salty if you call him by his first or middle name.

“babe, get ready i’m taking you on a date”

“babe, i got you a present you’re gonna love it”

“babe, we should get a cat to be the ring bearer at our wedding”

“babe, you know i love you, right?”

chan

honey

you originally started calling chan ‘honey’ first.

he always got so giddy whenever you said it that he decided he was gonna start calling you that too, to make you feel as special as he did.

thinks it the most special name in the world and if anyone makes fun of it he’ll go to war over it.

“honey, let me show you the new dance i learned”

“honey, did you get a haircut? you look beautiful as ever”

“honey, let’s stay in bed today”

“honey, you’re my everything”

[haliteatiger]

Happy Werewolf Wednesday, ya'll! We're serving up a big pot of tea tonight so get those cups ready!

Special thanks to Blackbackedjackal and King for their help in putting this together, editing, and especially to Jackal for being so supportive and encouraging. I'm very much not normally the type to do call-out posts, but people need to be aware of Dogblud, as she has hurt, not only myself, but quite a few others as well, and seems to have somehow gotten away with behaving like this for 20-odd years. I'm of the mind she shouldn't be allowed to do so any more, hence this post.

TL;DR - Beware of Dogblud, aka Ashryn, aka DogofBlud, aka ThatDogMagic. Very, very long post under the cut.

With everything happening with DogBlud and Blackbackedjackal's studio, I felt emboldened to come forward with my own experiences with her. This is something I've been carrying around since it happened roughly 2 years ago. It was one of the main reasons that put me off drawing werewolves, my own characters, or engaging any more in the fandom. I've hinted at it a few times but I've never had the energy to come forward and deal with the fall out. I wanted to move on with the rest of my life because IRL was more important than online drama. And I knew her behavior would come back to bite her sooner or later, regardless of what I did. 

It's been very validating to see that I was right.

It was around the time that Blud and I became friends that I was feeling a bit burnt out on werewolves. I'd been trying to pull together my own werewolf-related project for something close to 12 years. The past 4 years had also been pretty draining on me creatively and socially, as it had for a lot of artists with regards to the pandemic. I also had some IRL things I was dealing with: mainly with my marriage and transitioning between medications to manage my anxiety + bipolar.

Unfortunately, I didn't have the foresight to screenshot everything at the time. I do have logs from back when we roleplayed together. There are several conversations in them but because they were saved as text documents, they're pretty dubious in terms of solid evidence. 

It would have been better if I had taken screenshots as it was happening, rather than just saving the logs. With what I *do* have, however, I feel as though it may be enough to make the point that I'm trying to make, and to exhibit how horrible things got.

I'll provide some context.

I had talked with Blud on and off over the years, and we had always gotten along. We had a lot in common and after we had started talking more, our friendship eventually grew into a collaborative project. We were going to combine our stories and write a comic based on it. We had a lot of discussions on how Blud was reticent to do this in the beginning and how she wanted a contract to be made up so that in the event that something *did* happen, we could both walk away feeling like it was handled fairly.

Honestly, I should have listened to the first alarm that went off in my brain, when, in an act of ominous foreboding she said something along the lines of don't be so sure, it could happen. It was in response to me being like "we're getting along so well and share so much of a bond right now. I can't fathom that being a problem!" 

The contract never materialized. It was something we had decided to do *after* we had put together something of a prototype project to see how well we worked together. It made complete sense to me at the time as we were both eager to focus on the fun parts of writing and drawing together.

It was decided that I would be the lead artist (doing coloring and final lines) while Blud would do everything else (which was inking, layouts, and the majority of the writing). The both of us felt that she had more experience in those areas. I also believed that she had a better knack for it as well. I had felt that she had a better understanding of story structure than myself. And I thought that Blud had felt the same way about my art. That I had the experience to take point on that. 

Since I had collaborated with other artists and writers before, I attempted to approach the project with the same sort of professionalism I always do. Especially the projects that I genuinely thought stood a chance of being published in the future. We had started out trying to get a feel for each other's flows and rhythms. I had expected Blud to try and meet me in the middle of where our processes would potentially differ from one another, so that we could develop a fairly smooth workflow.

I had also expected, according to our discussions on the matter, that we would value each other's opinions on things and take them into consideration. We had such good synchronicity already.

In the beginning, there wasn't any unusual behavior that caught my attention. Blud was a bit uncomfortable with trying out new things but I did my best to accommodate her so that our project could move forward without too much turbulence. She had also mentioned to me before that she was autistic, and since my husband is also autistic, I knew how difficult it could be when it came to adapting to new routines. But when it was time for her to deliver the first set of layouts, it wasn't at all what I expected.

What I had expected was something with margins, clearly marked boxes, and figures that I could do rough lines over. I also expected notes that confirmed what we had discussed earlier about the project; that way I knew what she wanted or if there would be any changes. She took offense to this, feeling like I was violating our agreement. Though Blud did try to give me space with regards to the actual art, and while she would offer criticisms here and there, I trusted her opinion as an artist and as a friend. But apparently that didn't go both ways. In fact, Blud seemed to be offended that I expected more from her.

Blud agreed to concede. She suddenly seemed fine with the changes that I had asked for after seeing the layouts. I guess she was feeling overstimulated by the change and I might have been applying too much of a critical tone to her responses to begin with. I have had to deal with rejection sensitivity throughout my life and it's certainly prompted me to approach what people say to me online with a bit of scrutiny (sometimes too much).

And while I was mildly annoyed, although admittedly I was more concerned with Blud's overall reaction to my asking for clarification about several things in the layouts, I let it go. But it seemed like there was a problem. The majority of my ideas were either rejected or outright overridden with Blud convincing me that my faulty memory had made me unable to remember what we had agreed upon. Or that I might have been misremembering in my own favor.

There was one time where we were discussing a monster's design. Blud had already decided to settle on one design that she had come up with, even as I continued to offer other suggestions. The story was to take place in my setting, so I was under the impression that I got to decide what kind of creatures should populate it. The conversation ended somewhat ambiguously. I had assumed that we'd come to a solid conclusion later. 

I came back the next day and it turned out that we were using her design because that was what we had decided on. "Don't you remember? You really need to do something about that faulty memory of yours, Tek. I can't be doing this for you all the time."

At which point, Blud would go back and meticulously scour the conversation until she managed to find a set of lines that would make it seem as though I had 100% agreed. Even when I tried to explain that I had meant something else, she took it as an affront on her inability to understand nuances due to her autism.

I admit that my memory isn't that greatest at times, but I've never had anyone complain about it before. And none of my friends have ever minded providing reminders to me if I did misremember something incorrectly. We all forget stuff at times, right? It's *still* something that I'm self-conscious about because (like a lot of people with ADHD) my memory seems selective at times. This was, apparently, a problem that I needed to manage. 

And even as I'm remembering these incidents to the best of my ability, I've already spent so much time recounting all of this to friends. I feel confident in my recollection. There are some details that may overlap or become entwined with other things, but it all basically tells the same story. Especially in conjunction with what's been said by others. You're free to take it as hearsay since I do not have screenshots to back this up.

I will mention (since I've been told it's something that Blud has taken particular interest in) that at one point, I did have a crush on her. I was having some problems IRL, and it was nice to have someone whom I felt actually understood me. I also felt like I saw a lot of myself in her. I think that, at one point, I did describe her as the kind of "girlfriend" I would want. Blud seemed to indicate the feeling was mutual.

Between our collaborative partnership and all of the details we shared about our lives, it did feel like an intimate relationship at times. I had no intentions of pursuing it. We were not compatible in our romantic and sexual identities, and I had no intention of leaving my current partner for her.

I had begun to notice red flags, even if I wasn't ready to accept them yet.

I've had experience with abusive relationships in the past but they were in person, and not online. I knew what to look out for and yet I was being willfully ignorant about our friendship. I wanted to give Blud the benefit of the doubt. I wanted the project to work *so* badly that I was willing to work with her increasing demands as the months went by.

I had no idea that those demands would change into, quite literal, temper tantrums. It would then trigger my fawning response which was due to an abusive family situation that I had dealt with before I moved to Canada. The tactic was this: concede to someone until there was a time that they either understood reason or I had the chance to use it against them if necessary.

I started to take screenshots. I wish that I had taken a lot more of them so that everyone could get a better idea of what was happening. I did go back and manage to record the majority of the first outburst. It was the first inkling I had that Blud wasn't playing with a full deck of cards. I knew that that would be one of the first conversations that she would promptly delete. And consequently, I was right.

This assortment of screenshots will exhibit the first serious confrontation that Blud had with me. I am absolutely *not* proud of how I handled this. I was literally panicking at the time and doing whatever I could to get her to calm down. Because I have a temper that can look similar to this in person, I knew that I had to wait until the post-tantrum clarity would hit Blud. I tried my best to not lose my own temper in turn but looking back, I feel that I came off as sounding too timid.

I didn't want to ruin this project.

I wanted to make a comic with an individual that I admired and respected as a fellow artist. And, with me not knowing how to respond, my main priority was to not make things any worse than they already were.

Below is the conversation in its entirety:

I had taken this screenshot on my phone after I had stepped away to compose myself. Blud had handled the confrontation and criticism with a reasonable amount of apprehension. But what had not occurred to me was that I could have said something that would remind her of past experiences with a roleplaying group.

It was something that had evidently scarred Blud for life.

I took away the wrong things from what she had told me, choosing to focus on the aspects of the "betrayal" that had appeared to bother her the most. And in hindsight, I did not see the correlation. I was genuinely apologetic that I had hurt her feelings.

But I *will* critique Blud for her poor handling of the situation. Whether or not I had hurt her feelings, no one is entitled to act like this or claim that this is what attempting to resolve a problem should look like.

I wasn't sure on how to initially respond to Blud. It had been ages since I'd had to deal with someone flying off the handle like that.

The following screenshots are where the conversation picked up, after she had already deleted the above message:

We had weathered the "storm" and after Blud calmed down, she was ready to communicate. There was a part of me that was genuinely sincere when I apologized to her. I did mean it when I said that I had no intentions of hurting her and that I hadn't considered how my statement would sound to her.

I had hoped that this had been a stress response due to factors outside of our collaboration. And especially when I took into account how she had interacted with me in the past. I knew that Blud had a lot going on IRL, and that she had already put a considerable amount of energy into this project.

I had taken her meltdown more personally than she could perceive that I would, because this was something that was acceptable to her. She had a "condition" that would absolve her of these abhorrent meltdowns and I needed to get used to them if we were going to continue working on that project together.

I was shaking the entire time we were typing in the chat.

I was sincere in my responses. I really did want to work things out with Blud and give her the benefit of the doubt. I could have been taking the things that she said too personally or maybe I had been reading too much into the situation. Was there a chance that I could have been misreading her outburst? I tried my best to keep an open mind though I was still somewhat baffled by the fact that she would have meltdowns as often as she did.

I confided in my husband and some other friends about the situation. They were also bewildered by Blud's actions.

By this point, I was struggling with the reality that this collaboration was most likely *not* going to work out but I still wanted to try. I still cared about Blud. We would still hang out together and talk about things like music, our characters, or our stories.

While I did have the foresight to go back and screenshot this section, I wasn't fast enough to get screenshots of everything else that I will be going over. Blud *did* admit to going back and deleting certain exchanges due to a mixture of shame; not wanting to look at them when she would scroll through our conversations. 

In retrospect, it was very telling.

And even after that meltdown, I still enjoyed the friendship that I had with her. I kept my guard up but I was willing to make compromises on her behalf if it resulted in better communication between the two of us. Blud made me promise to immediately tell her if I had a problem with something. I also agreed to keep notes of our conversations.

It worked for the most part.

In the end though, it became apparent that Blud wasn't willing to do the same for me (even after we had an extended conversation about it). I then realized that I had been tasked with basically *managing* her autism for her. I was already busy with my supposedly "bad memory" at the time; and Blud was more than ready to scroll back up through our conversations to cherry-pick a line or two of text to remind me of what was said earlier.

Because, for her, circumstances couldn't ever change. If they did, it would mean that Blud had lost control of the situation and that she was in the wrong. She could *not* be in the wrong. 

And if she was in the wrong? It would take solid evidence, three witnesses, and a court of law to prove it.

She had two other major meltdowns after this. I managed to step away from communicating with her through one of them and I don't remember the other meltdown lasting very long. She immediately deleted the texts of both of those instances before I could take screenshots of them.

It seemed like I could do nothing right when it came to Blud, no matter the lengths I would go to accommodate her. I knew that it was a common tactic used by abusers. I finally accepted that our partnership wasn't going to work out and I began thinking about an exit strategy. The final straw was when she began to expect me to be at her beck and call.

I had promised that I would be there for her, within reason, and I was willing to offer reassurances whenever she would ask me for them. The promise had been made back when we had first started to talk to one another with more frequency, before Blud had shown me her true colors. I would end up completely underestimating just how badly she would need reassurance.

To be frank, I underestimated a lot about Blud in the beginning.

I would end up mentioning that I enjoyed my space in several different conversations with her. That there was a chance that I might be offline for several days so I could take care of things IRL and recharge my social batteries. I'm somewhat of a recluse. And an adult who enjoys things that aren't online.

She said that it was fine.

I became incredibly anxious when I would talk to Blud, especially after her somewhat abrupt change in personality.

I then attempted to put my foot down about boundaries and this is what she had to say:

I decided to walk away for a bit and I came back after I had had some time to think things over. This wasn't healthy for either of us. I wrote a couple of sentences to say goodbye to Blud before I blocked her. I knew that my actions would probably infuriate her. She had told me in the past that she *hated* not being able to have the final word... which she was able to do through email:

“And I'm not letting you pretend you have control over the situation, or the high ground. You distinctly have neither. But since you're determined to stick to your 'principles' on this, I've decided to make it easier for you.”

She thought that she was absolved of all sins just because I had said that I would stand by her at her worst. And at the time that I said that, I had no idea that her worst would be her trying everything possible to protect her boundaries while stomping all over mine. It didn't matter what she said or how often she would apologize when I would confront her. She kept doing it.

I admit that I wasn't perfect in this situation either.

There were times when I was condescending, critical, or downright mean when I talked to Blud because that was the way I had felt when she was talking to me. I soon realized that it didn't matter either way. I could have been using the friendliest tone imaginable and she still would have perceived it as either mocking or dismissive on my end. There were even a few times where I would preface my explanations with an advisory “please know that I am not attacking you and try to read this in an understanding tone,”etc. I would then post an explanation I had spent hours picking at to ensure that there was no way she could misinterpret the intent. Even so, she still read the majority of what I said as criticism and would take it to heart.

I never expected Blud to do something that made her uncomfortable; nor did I expect her to overextend herself when it came to our project. I would go out of my way to make sure everything was fine when we would talk about it. I only expected mutual respect in return.

When we would get into discussions (arguments), she would never attempt to understand my point of view or let me explain myself. It would have made it about me when it should have been about Blud and her needs. She sometimes would agree to come to a compromise about something, but only if I would admit that I was in the wrong.

I know that if Blud was to look at these screenshots, she'd be incredulous that I'm trying to distract from the horrible things that *I* did. And those horrible things that I did? I tried my best to work with her.

It wasn't just her poor teamwork that bothered me. It was her attitude and the lack of respect that she showed me. She would never ask me to clarify something that I said; always assuming that it was a criticism against her. I can only speculate that Blud did not want to hear about how any of this was her fault, like in the email she sent me.

I don't know if I was actually her friend at any point. Friends make efforts to understand one another. Ideally, they’d want their friendships to continue, and they would want everyone to be getting along and having fun. She seemed to actively defy that.

I would argue that things like this don't just happen in a vacuum. There's almost always a reason for such things, but it's honestly a mystery to me as to where this vitriol comes from. I don't know why Blud sees monsters in every word, especially if they come from a  "friend". 

I've seen her viscously mock herself during meltdowns; it seems like she hates herself and expects everyone else to hate her too. I think that she wants it to be the truth, so that it validates the feelings she has about herself. The behavior patterns that I'd been exposed to are consistent with the idea that Blud is seeking confirmation about the personal assumptions she has about herself. It's what makes her so volatile to those around her. Yet, she refuses to break the cycle.

I hope that she can make that choice in the future but at this point, I'm not holding my breath.

[batchilla]

Fata Morgana Chapter one: A Favor Given.

Content warning for some … outdated views on women. Don’t worry, you can fix him.

The tournament of Fata Morgana brought with it all the excitement of a tournament, but given it fell so close to the annual Festival of Cupid, it held more still. For as well as the honour of victory, a gold purse and acclaim, the winner was given a crown of roses, to give to any maiden he saw fit to choose, and to open the Ball of Cupid by sharing a dance with said maiden. Captain Jason Todd, the knight of Arkham, had won the past three years, and each year, the same maiden had been given the crown.

You.

You, the princess, and only daughter of the king of a small yet ambitious nation. You, who while understanding that your affection for the hero of the battle of Arkham, the captain of your personal guard, could never be fully realised or acted upon. You, who had the last three years watched him compete with baited breath hoping to dance with him once more. You, who after he had first presented you the crown three years hence, had given him a favour the next two years. You, who on the eve of his fourth tournament, are sneaking down to where the competitors have pitched their tents around the competition field, to do so once more.

The air is warm, crickets and the nickering of horses punctuated by the occasional voice. They are stoic, not rowdy or drunken, that will come tomorrow when the contest is over. Tonight, the sense of anticipation and solemn preparation lingers over the field. You find his tent with relative ease, it’s blood red fabric near black in the darkness, but his steed is tied outside and pays you little mind as you hesitate outside the tent flap. There had been no hesitation when you slipped past your guards. No hesitation in deciding to come here. Still, you hesitate now, when the only thing separating you from him is canvas, struck with nerves over what exactly you would say to him.

Your stalling is ended by the tent's flap opening to reveal the Knight of Arkham standing there, staring you down looking less than impressed. Your mouth goes dry as the desert.

He stands there in loose pants, and a white shirt with the top eyelets undone to just above the lowest point of his pectoral muscles. His hair is mused and out of order. You feel your breath catch, and it is only your lifelong etiquette lessons that prevent you from doing something completely humiliating and degenerate like bite your lip. Granted you saw him nearly every day, but there was something about seeing him out of plate, seeming so much himself rather than maintaining stoic professionalism.

“Your royal highness, you ought not be here so late - and where is your guard? God preserve me…” He runs a hand through his hair in frustration.

You try not to stare at the way the action causes his arms to move and flex, or how soft his hair seems. Instead, you force yourself to look him in the eyes, and reply.

“All is well, surely. These tents are filled with knights. Men of honour. I am perfectly safe.” You speak softly, so as not to draw attention to your presence, despite what you verbally claim, you know full well that being undiscovered will better serve you.

Captain Todd-Wayne opens his mouth. Closes it. Opens it again. Sighs. You suppress an urge to smile, practically able to see his mind working on how to respond to that without offending your feminine sensibilities.

“Your Highness while your father’s knights - myself included - would of course never consider harming you, the matter persists you are without escort.”

You bat your eyes, as if the thought hadn’t occurred to you. “You are the captain of my guard, and have acted as my escort a great many times.”

His jaw clenches, and he makes no attempt to rebut the statement. “Who was meant to be guarding your door this evening?” He asks tiredly.

“Sir West.” You supply.

“Well. Rest assured that by sundown tomorrow he shall be thoroughly reprimanded for allowing this to happen.” He says, anger brewing under his carefully stoic features.

You sigh, but do not argue. You came for a reason, and you will not be distracted by his ire in your goals accomplishment.

You reach into your pocket, and produce a thick, blood red ribbon of finest velvet.

You hold it out, and he takes it, carefully not touching your hand, but where the ribbon hangs from your fingers.

“Best of luck in the morrow.” You say softly. You hope he understands what you really mean. What you cannot say.

You hope he knows you love him.

You turn back into the night before he can respond, the soft look of awe on his face, though the same each year, too great a source of pain and longing for you to take.

___________________________________________

Later that night, Jason lays on the temporary bed in his tent, staring at the ceiling as he idly runs the ribbon through each digit, feeling its weight, its softness. He slides it through his fingers, pulling it through and winding between each with his opposite hand. He closes his eyes and his breath shakes as he recalls its owner. Imagines it in her hair, tying it up, exposing her neck and …No. No. No.

He clenches his hand into a fist, his eyes snapping open. He was a knight. Her Knight, Her protector.

He would not dishonour her with his perverse thoughts.

He refused to.

She had done him a great kindness, in extending her favour. Clearly she knew of his affections, given his actions at the three Tournaments of Fata Morgana past even a woman could deduce the truth of his pathetic circumstance.

It was a great kindness indeed that she allowed him to indulge, one night a year in an unreciprocated fantasy, even feeding into it with this, the most generous of gifts.

Fata Morgana. An illusion. How terribly fitting, his lone solace, the one mercy he allowed his starved soul. To dance with her, once a year. To lay the wreath of roses in her hair, and pretend he was more. That he was worthy.

That he was not the second, adopted, common son of his father. That he hadn’t been sent off to be a squire so young that the Wayne estate no longer felt like home. That he had risen to his honoured rank of his position because he deserved it.

They’d said he was. The king had called him a hero. The people called him a legend. It would not surprise anyone if his story outlived him three generations. Jason Todd, the hero of the battle of Arkham. He had rallied his men, and turned what should have been a massacre into an unparalleled victory, but when the screams fell silent and the dust settled, he had disappeared. He had been declared dead. Turned into a martyr. A fallen hero.

Until he had been found in the woods of the Al Ghul estate, with no memory of who he was or how he came to be there, six months later.

The greatest of healers had helped his mind return - but what happened to him in the lost six months escaped him still.

His Father had asked him to recover at the Wayne estate. He had refused. He said it was duty. It was. But not to his king. It was duty to her, and to his heart. He had not spoken to his father since.

He knew she surely saw only a knight. How could she see more, given how little he was? A knight pinning after her to be sure, but not one she would seriously consider as a marriage prospect. He was not heir, afterall. He was not respected, he was a novelty. A fearsome novelty.

Sleep finds him eventually, a merciful reprieve from his spiralling consciousness. Only to take him away to the same nightmare he has had each night since his return.

That flash of sky, of rocks ascending skyward, the smell of salt and of decay. Pain. Nothing.

[daemour]

[18.53] Choi San

pairing: san x reader

wc: 540

warnings: jokey gaslighting

genre: fluff, established relationship, e for everyone

this was inspired by @beenbaanbuun's Cold drabble of a similar but flipped nature! San being the furnace that he is.

-

"Get away, San. Not right now," you groan, lying on the floor with your iced tea beside you. "I love you but I am not cuddling you."

"Why not," San whines, inching closer and closer from where he stands across the room. "I just want love from my baby, is that too much to ask?"

“It’s too hot, and you’re like a living furnace. I’m going to melt into the floorboards.” You can hear him shuffling closer and closer to you, and you crack an eye open to muster a weak glare.

San huffs, and you swear he should look into acting because you swear his eyes are glistening with unshed tears. He takes another step forward and you gather energy to roll over a few times to avoid any potential radiating body heat from your loving heater.

“San,” you groan, drawing out the vowel in his name and squeezing your eyes shut. “Please, I’ll cuddle you later tonight when the fan is blowing through my body into my bones. Just not right now.”

“So you hate me.”

You crack an eye open to see San’s pouting face and stick your tongue out at him. “Nuh-uh, mister. It’s not going to work on me this time. No gaslighting here. This is a no-gaslighting zone. There’s a sign.”

You point to a hastily written post-it note on your fan. You’ve learnt your lesson quickly after San utilised his new skill (that you told him about) on you to get you to cuddle during the winter. This only makes a small wrinkle appear between your boyfriend’s eyebrows.

“But I want to cuddle you,” he whines loud enough to put a toddler who was just told ‘no’ to shame. “Why would you deprive me of my one joy in life?”

You blink up at him, the epitome of innocence. “So you only use me for cuddles? Isn’t my happiness enough to be your one joy in life, hence, you should wait to cuddle till tonight?”

San glares at your bulletproof argument…at least you thought it was bulletproof. But a glint sparks in his eye. “YN, you said it yourself. You broke the rule. It’s a no gaslighting zone.”

“Now, hold up! I wasn’t gaslighting! I was just…trying to clarify! There was no gaslighting happening.”

San shakes his head slowly. “Nuh-uh. You can’t trick me this time. And you know what your punishment will be?” He inches closer. “Cuddles.”

Now it’s your turn to whine, but it doesn’t stop San from getting down onto the floor with you, throwing his arms around you to pull you into his chest. And, just as you expected and feared, his body is radiating heat like nobody's business. You groan, trying to wriggle enough space between your bodies for some airflow, but there’s no winning against San’s grip.

“Stop shifting so much and maybe you won’t be so hot,” San chuckles, his chest rumbling against your back as he presses a kiss to the back of your neck.

You sigh like all of life’s problems are weighing down on you. “Yeah, yeah. Can you move the fan in front of me?”

As the cooling breeze settles in front of you, you finally let San take his win…once again.

[shenachigans]

THRICE THE SPICE | Inazuma’s Big 3

PAIRING: CEO!Yae, CEO!Ei, Co-worker!Sara x Fem!Office worker!Reader

CW: smut, foursome, fingering, brief cunnilingus, overstimulation, squirting, the women are smitten with Y/n and kinda fight over her, slight dirty talk and possessiveness, teasing, nickname use (bunny), double penetration (fingers), messy plot, bottom female afab reader

SUMMARY: Taking three women who are hungry for you at once is a good and bad idea

A/N: It's my first time writing a foursome huhu. Y/n calls Ei "Ms. Raiden" for formality since they're on a last-name basis during work, but I'm not sure if "Raiden" can be counted as Ei's last name (Let's just pretend it is). Sakura is an OC.

WORDS: 4,500

(FANFIC IS UNDER THE CUT!)

A company requires a lot of work. Documents are here, meetings are there, and people are all over the place. Being the team leader of a significant project has left you restless, exhausted, stressed, and undernourished.

You were the team member with the most responsibilities, so you had to rush deadlines, review your teammates' work, and submit it for processing. Hence, you didn't have time to relax and enjoy a fancy alcoholic beverage. But there is always a reward at the end of work and suffering.

The CEO of your company just announced the project's success. Your blood, sweat, and tears have paid off. Archons. You want to return home and enjoy a day of rest to celebrate.

"We should all go to the bar after work to celebrate!" One of your coworkers said. Their joy at the success made you proudly smile because they deserved a break after the nonstop workload.

"Team leader Y/n is the guest of honor!" Itto, another of your coworkers, exclaimed. All eyes turned to you, expecting your approval to join the celebration.

"Ah... I can't drink tonight," you said, slightly embarrassed.

You can drink, but you lied. However, it was merely a white lie because you can't trust yourself to know how much alcohol you can consume without becoming a chaotic drunk. When you're not sober, you're not usually calm, collected, or innocent-looking...

Some accidents happened in the past, and you're too embarrassed to make the same mistake.

Sakura then walked over to you, pouting, and grabbed your hands while saying, "But N/n! There is no point in celebrating if the person who led the project is not present! A little alcohol won't hurt, either, right? You can still enjoy a nonalcoholic beverage even if you don't want to drink. Just join in the celebration with us, please!"

Everyone agreed with her statement, and their action made you feel appreciated. You don't talk to them much outside of work, but they enjoy your presence. They're throwing a party with you as the special guest to show their appreciation for your hard work. How can you refuse now?

Your eyes turned into crescents as you smiled, everyone flushed, and you giggled, blessing them with your melodic voice, "Oh, alright, how can I refuse such an invitation when all of you look at me like that?"

Sakura tightly embraced you while musing, "Y/n is so adorable!"

She's a tiny woman, but her hugs are unbearably tight, not that you mind them.

"Then it's settled, everyone in the team is going to the xxx pub after work, and the bill is all on Ei. What do you guys think?" The figure coming through the door, revealing themselves as Yae Miko, the CEO of the Kitsune Corp and a close friend of your company's CEO, Raiden Ei, elegantly boomed.

She's always in the company when she has free time or when the two companies have a deal, which happens quite frequently because the two companies greatly benefit from each other.

Sara then entered the room carrying two mugs of coffee and handed one to you before turning to face Miko. "What brings you here, Ms. Yae?" she inquired, somewhat unimpressed.

"My, my, Ms. Kujou, you speak as if I'm not welcome here," Miko flaunted, drawing a glare from Sara. The atmosphere was tense, and no one dared to break the tension. They're like a crow and fox competing for something or someone.

"Haha... Now, ladies, if you two keep the tension this high, it's going to get hot as a furnace," you chuckled awkwardly, drawing both of the women's attention to you. Their gazes were belittling. "Is Ms. Raiden attending the after-party, Ms. Yae? Are you also coming?"

"Of course, little lamb, I wouldn't miss seeing your cute little drunk antics for the world, and I'm sure Ei and everyone here feel the same," she teased, making a blush crawl up your cheeks.

Everyone cooed at your flushed state. Even though you are a tough nut to crack, you give in easily to women like Miko. Everyone, especially your boss Ei, knows that she enjoys teasing you.

However, no one notices how Ei's mood changes when you react to Miko's teasing — nobody besides the fox herself.

"How cute," Miko whispered, only for you to hear because you were close enough. Your cheeks flushed at her remark. "It's wonderful to see everyone pleased after the project's success. Your leader did a terrific job guiding this team," she mused before widening her eyes upon realizing something. "If you'll excuse me, I'm rather late for my meeting," she chuckled as she left the room with a sly grin directed at you while everyone said goodbye and expressed their gratitude.

"Oh, boy, oh boy! Y/n was practically trembling under Ms. Yae's gaze! How'd you do it? She's smitten with you!" Itto laughed as he patted your back—no, smacked the life out of you. He flashed a sly look that made you want to die of embarrassment and curl up into a ball.

"Oh, shut up, Itto! I at least don't swoon over women the way you do!" You teasingly chuckled back at him, making him blush embarrassingly.

Sara shook her head with a light smile while the rest laughed at both of your antics. She then sipped her coffee once more before putting it down and clapping her hands to get everyone's attention.

"Okay, people, if you want to celebrate later, we have some work to do first," she sighed. Everyone sulked and went to their desks to finish their work, leaving you and Sara alone in the conference room. Sara began, taking another sip of her coffee, "Congratulations on the success, Y/n."

"Caffeine will kill you someday," you chuckled as you drank your last drop of coffee. "And thank you, none of this would have been possible without the team's dedication," you smiled as you placed the mug on the table.

"Don't act as though you didn't consume eight mugs of strong coffee during your overtime the previous night, Y/n," Sara sneered, and you awkwardly chuckled.

"W-What do you mean...? Haha... You dummy, that was water, not coffee," you fumbled before snatching her mug and drinking from it.

"Hm... So if I fucked you dumb, wouldn't we be considered equal?" she bluntly remarked, as if she hadn't said something vulgar. She smirked as you choked on her coffee. "No wonder Yae Miko likes to tease you," she remarked, patting your back to help you breathe. "Your reactions are a sight to behold, and it's more fun when I make you flush," she added.

"S-SARA! H-How can you say something like that so casually?!" You flushed, covering your hot face with your hands to conceal your flustered face.

"Oh? Why are you so agitated? I was merely teasing you. Unless..." Sara started as she slowly walked towards you and trapped you against the conference table. "Unless you do want to get fucked dumb?" she softly spoke in your ear, her voice so enticing that you whimpered.

"Not here..." you squeaked and turned your head away from her menacing eyes.

Do you not realize how fuckable you look right now?

Sara grinned and leaned towards your neck, pressing open-mouthed kisses on your skin. She was gentle at first, but she soon became rougher. She was stronger than you, so no matter how hard you tried to push her away, there would be no avail.

You were sure Sara would leave a mark on your flesh after she licked, sucked, and bit it. Sara immediately drew back as she heard the hushed whispers of people in the corridor, a ribbon of saliva joining the skin of your neck and her tongue.

It must be break time.

"Count yourself lucky, bunny. I would've gone further if we weren't at work," Sara smirked as she looked at your heaving, flushed mess. She then collected both empty coffee mugs and continued, "You sound melodious. Those charming whines and whimpers are adorable. What more when you scream my name in bed, hm~?"

She abruptly left the room, leaving an embarrassed and intensely horny Y/n.

─────

"Fuah! It's exhausting to sit all day staring at documents!" Sakura finally stood up from her seated position, groaning as she stretched.

"That's because you're supposed to get up and walk around during your breaks, not sit all day and grumble about how long the day is," Itto grumbled as he passed her desk.

"Touché... Ha, ha..." Sakura embarrassingly flushed. "Anyway, work is done. Let's party!" She rejoiced, raising her arms in the air, causing Itto to cheer and join in the celebration.

"Can you two please quiet down? You guys can rejoice all you want in the pub, but keep in mind that there are people working overtime today," you boomed, all worn out, approaching them with a limp.

Why are you walking that way?

Sara did fuck you in her office during your breaks, and because you had many breaks throughout the day, you orgasmed at least five times.

"Oh, dear, Y/n! Are you okay?!" Sakura exclaimed as she noticed your limping and sweating condition. Itto also sped over to your side to assist you in standing. Shit. You should have just minded your business; now you must explain yourself.

"Oh... Um... The elevator wasn't working in the lobby, so I had to take the stairs, and you see, I have bad knees, which is why I'm limping like this... I'm fine. It's nothing serious..." You trailed off and thanked them as they guided you to your desk. They both gave you skeptical glances, but when they noticed your somewhat suspicious smile, they shrugged.

"Sure! Just message me or call me if you still need assistance moving around. Sakura and I will head to the bar and meet the others, hehe," Itto said as he ruffled your hair with his large hand.

"Okay, okay, I'll also head there once my legs are rested, and don't ruin my hair, Itto," you pouted as you removed his hand from your head, making him chuckle. The two then prepare to depart for the pub as you say your goodbyes.

How long must you endure before using your legs to walk once more? Archons. This woman has such a high sex drive...

───── FLASHBACK ─────

You knocked on Sara's door for permission to enter, and she responded with a hum. You walked into her office, a stack of papers in your hand, and sat down at her desk.

"What do you need? I'm quite busy-oh," she paused, realizing that you were the one who entered. "Y/n, what brings you here? "

 You placed your free hand on the table and leaned forward. "I need some of these papers signed, Ms. Kujou Sara~" you hummed, causing a blush to crawl on her cheeks and her eyes to glint with lust. 

"Is this the so-called 'Y/n coffee-drunk energy?' How many cups have you already devoured? You're high on adrenaline, little thing~" she chuckled. You didn't respond and just grinned. "I must say, Ms. Y/n L/n, that was rather daring of you. You do realize that your antics have consequences, hm?" Sara sighed as she got up from her desk and came up to you face-to-face. Her menacing stare made you regret your teasing. You're so fucked. Literally. 

She snatched the papers from you and brought you close to her with her other hand as it snaked around your waist. Her body towered over yours as she leaned into your ear. She whispers, her voice tickling your ear, "I change my mind." She twisted a strand of your hair over her fingers and said, "By me not fucking you at work, I mean. What do you say, hm~? I can take care of you right here and right now~"

How could you say no to a woman like her?

A woman from an influential family is wrapped around your finger, ready to do anything to please you. A humble woman like you is intoxicating to her, especially when you act submissive.

Too embarrassed and intoxicated by lust to speak, you nodded and made her slyly smile, "As you wish, bunny."

─────

Sara was both harsh and soft. She spoke to you sweetly while violently pounding her fingers into you as if she were not overstimulating your wet, sopping hole.

Sara was in front of you as you sat on her desk with your legs spread wide while she fingered your moist cunt, her body flushed with yours but with enough room to flick her wrist.

"T-Too much, too much!" You screamed—or should I say, creamed. Although you had already released, she continued to finger you. You have been so overcome with ecstasy that another orgasm was on the way.

"S-Sara, I'm close~!" you moaned and buried your head on her shoulder, wrapping your arms around her neck. The new angle made you release, and you felt euphoric.

"Go on, bunny, cream all over my fingers," she purred, ignoring her wet core dripping with arousal and concentrating solely on your pleasure. "You did so well for me," she said, smiling.

───── END OF FLASHBACK ─────

Your face turned scarlet as you recalled her facial expressions when she was repeatedly fucking you at work. Sara's eyes were lustful, and she was intent on observing how your body would respond to her touches.

Sara would also lick her lips as if she had just had dessert when she makes you cum, as well as sneakily smirk with flushed cheeks when wanton moans and whines leave your mouth as she fucked you to oblivion.

You slapped your cheeks to get rid of such thoughts and decided to stand up, thinking that the time spent remembering being fucked was enough for your legs to recover. You said goodbye to the workers working overtime and stepped into the elevator to walk to your car. You set your GPS to the correct location of xxx pub and began driving.

─────

You were 30 minutes late due to traffic, plus an additional 30 minutes since you were lost and didn't find a parking spot. 'How embarrassing, Y/n,' you cursed.

As soon as you came to a stop, you gathered your belongings and headed straight for the bar. Sweat covered your body as you ran.

After you gave one of the servers the booking code, they brought you to one of the private rooms. You then entered the private room reserved by your boss for tonight's celebration. No one was there, and it's too late for you to be early.

Fuck.

You might have missed it since they may have ended the night early as everyone was tired. "Oh well, I should have left with Itto instead of resting my legs." A snort interrupted your loud sigh as you turned to exit the room, causing you to look around with a raised eyebrow. "Did I hear—

"SURPRISE!!!" 

Everyone shouted as they emerged from their hiding spot. They were all smiling, but as they saw a tear slip down your cheeks, they became concerned.

"Y/N! Are you alright!?" Itto said, worried. "Did you not like the surprise...?"

"No, no! I like it very much," you sniffed as you wiped a tear from your cheek, "I just thought that I missed the whole celebration, thinking that you all left because I stood you guys up," you waved off, making everyone coo.

"HA! HA! We knew you'd come, you always do, and we even became concerned something happened to you," he said, handing you a tissue from one of the tables.

"Sakura said we should wait for you before we start ordering, so while we were waiting, we decided to surprise you by doing this," one of your coworkers stated, a little embarrassedly rubbing his nape. "We apologize if we gave you the wrong impression."

You grinned and told them not to worry about it. You also thanked them for waiting for you even though you were an hour late.

"My, what happened here~?"

"Did you all just get here?"

"Huh."

Three voices boomed, drawing everyone's attention. Miko, your employer, Ei, and Sara were at the door. You all bowed and greeted them, and they told you that it wasn't required because you were no longer at work.

"Oh, my, why is the little bunny crying?" Miko queried, intrigued by what had occurred. Sara and Ei were both taken aback by her question and glanced at you with concern.

"Oh, nothing happened, just tears of joy and relief," You chuckled, wiping the last tears from your cheeks.

Sakura provided context for the three, and Sara and Ei glared at the people involved in the scheme before humming while Miko simply chuckled.

"How thoughtful of all of you, and for Y/n, how adorable," she said and mumbled the last part, but you heard it. There was something in her tone... It was sultry and filled with lust...? But you opted to ignore it, assuming it was all in your head.

"That being said," Itto chimed in, "Y/n's reaction was priceless. And now that everyone is here... LET'S PARTY!" he yelled as he raised several beer bottles.

Except for you and the three women who had just arrived, everyone followed Itto's lead and started partying their assess off.

─────

Oh, boy, the place felt like it was the center of a carnival. The karaoke was packed with individuals singing their intoxicated hearts out, slurring their words, and making the songs incomprehensible. Passed-out individuals filled the seats. Empty and partially consumed beer bottles adorned the tables.

The only people who weren't drunk were those who didn't drink at all or had a strong tolerance to alcohol.

"We should leave. It's late," Sara mumbled as she held your wrist. You comply since you want to retire for the night.

But before you could pursue her, Sara and you were halted by a tug from your other wrist.

"And where might you two be heading, hm?" Miko held your other wrist while flashing a sinister grin. Sara interpreted it as an annoyed grin. "Ms. Kujou, the night is still young. If you want to leave, don't drag the poor bunny with you and ruin her fun. You're being rather selfish, don't you think?"

There it is again, the tension between the two women from this morning.

"Miko, stop," Ei huffed as she intervened, preventing the two from murdering each other with piercing eyes. "Look. You're hurting Ms. L/n's wrist," she glared at the woman as she snaked her arm around your waist from behind, trapping you between her chest and forearm.

Archons. Because of you, three women are glaring daggers at each other. It's a good thing the room was dark. Everyone was busy because rumors would spread if they saw the four of you in this situation. And the last thing you want is to be associated with a scandal.

"L-Ladies..." You attempted to intervene, but it seemed that you worsened the situation as the three women gazed at you with dark eyes. They were still holding you, and you trembled under their touch, making them coo.

Miko forced you to face her by holding your chin between her fingers and thumb. The proximity caused you to burn with an unknown sensation.

She gave you a sly grin and then turned to face the other two women. "Well, why don't we make a proposition to make the night entertaining? Only if our rabbit agrees, of course~"

Since when did you become theirs?

Sara and Ei exchanged a knowing look and then nodded. Miko smiled at their response before looking at you for consent. You couldn't understand what was going on, though; you were too mesmerized by her goddess-like beauty.

"Bunny, why don't we make you feel good, hm~?" Miko purred. Your cheek is now caressed by the hand previously on your chin. "Since we know you're exhausted from managing the project, let us please you. What do you say?"

You gulped. Your eyes were full of lust, and you forgot you had sex with Sara at work. Despite not having any alcohol in your system, you felt intoxicated.

You meekly nodded, not trusting your voice. The three women smiled at your cute disposition and licked their lips at the thought of you becoming more helpless than you are right now.

"Let the fun begin~" Miko grinned.

─────

Taking all of them was a bad idea.

As soon as Miko opened the door to her reserved room, all three had their hands on you. They forced you onto the bed and began stripping off your clothes like a predator skinning its prey. Their hands and lips touch every inch of your skin. Your core drooled with arousal, and your skin scorched with need from their touches.

They were taller than you, and you felt so small. They cooed at how your nude body reacted to them: like a frightened rabbit trapped between three hungry wolves.

Ei and Sara were in front of you while Miko held you on her lap and teased you from behind. But despite how enclosed and suffocated you felt, it aroused you greatly. It was enough to make you climax to imagine three powerful women enticing you with their might.

Miko was the teasing one. She abused your lips and neck, leaving your skin covered in bruises and markings, even though her hands and skin ghosted your flesh.

You've had a lot of sex with Sara, but her touch still makes you weak the way she wants it. In contrast to Miko, Sara enjoys holding you for as long as she can, even to the point where her rough treatment leaves bruises on her hands. You get manhandled every time you're with her.

Ei is rather soft—too soft. Her lips and hands moved in sync with your skin, almost as if they were waltzing. Her delicate hands made your hair stand up, and her words lulled you into ecstasy. She counteracts Sara's roughness and Miko's teasing.

Your wet cunt was tired of being ignored. You want all three to touch you where you need them the most. You want them to fuck you right now.

"It appears that the bunny desires more~" Miko murmured as she felt your arousal moisten her garments. She snaked her hand from your waist to your dripping core, touching you bare and gathering your wetness, making you shudder and gasp at her icy, manicured fingertips.

"My nails are too long. What a shame," Miko purred in your ear as her hands groped your chest. She glanced at the two women who sat like puppies waiting for their master's commands. "Why don't you two make up for it and pleasure our needy bunny in my stead, hm~?"

Ei's fingers subconsciously traced your cunt before slipping a digit into your hole. You groaned as her long finger brushed across your cervix.

"You're quite wet, Ms. L/n," she whispered, her eyes wide as if it were the first time she had touched someone's cunt. It was, but the ease with which her finger thrust into you made you believe she had experience. "Heh, what cute sounds you and your cunt make~"

Ei calling you by your last name doesn't seem appropriate in this situation, no? Not when you two have crossed the line already.

Sara did nothing but observe as the two women aroused you. Miko rubbed your puffy clit and made out with you while Ei fingered you. You were helpless in their hands. She was envious of their ability to easily hold you at their mercy in the same way she could.

You were hers first.

"Seems like you'd whore around for everyone," she sneered, drawing Ei and Miko's attention. You were too engrossed in your pleasure to hear her speaking to you. "Your body must've forgotten how I fucked you many times this morning, huh?"

"My, how dirty of you, bunny," Miko teased as she twisted your hardened nipples and nibbled your ear. "I didn't think you were the kind to have sex at work~"

"N-No..." you whimpered as you squirmed in Miko's grasp. You babbled incomprehensibly, making no sense. You moaned as Ei's finger pumped faster in your core, amplifying the squelching sounds that echoed off the walls.

Sara huffed as she approached you, a sneer on her face as her palm caressed your leg, causing you to tighten on Ei's finger.

"Who am I to deny if that's what you want — to be a whore?" she groaned, a pink hue staining her cheeks as she inserted her finger along Ei's in your cunt. "Your hole is greedily squeezing our fingers."

Sara and Ei synchronized their fingers to get you to your climax while Miko assisted by sensually massaging your clit.

The overstimulation made you moan and tremble. The three women's groans and dirty talks increased your pleasure tenfold. Sara and Ei's thrusts quickened as your fluttering walls showed you were close.

"Stop fighting, bunny," Miko observed as you jerked under her grip. She motioned, "Go on. Cum. Make a mess out of their fingers, hm~?"

You yelped, unable to control the string of pleasure, but Sara and Ei didn't stop moving, causing you to whine and thrash.

"N-No more!" you whimpered and tried to stop them by clutching their wrists, but you were too exhausted to exert any force, encouraging them to keep thrusting their fingers.

The three women widened their eyes as sudden spurts of arousal ruined their clothes.

You squirted.

"How messy of you," Miko chuckled as she continued to rub your clit to make you squirt more.

You were seeing stars at this moment. Your body is sore and trembling from overstimulation, and the clouding pleasure has made your vision hazy.

You huffed and sank into Miko's chest, trying to catch your breath. Your fluttering cunt trembled as Sara and Ei pulled their fingers away, making you squirm from the stimulation. Both women brought their arousal-stained fingers to their lips to clean off your wetness.

"Sweet..." Ei smiled as if she was enjoying her favorite sweets. She then grasped both of your thighs and lowered her face to your cunt. Ei's eyes glimmered with lust at how your cum poured out of your hole.

Sara mimicked Ei's movement and licked a stripe of your cunt, causing you to jerk. Ei followed suit, tasting more of your desire. Both of them began to lap your cum like kittens.

"W-Wait! No!" You exclaimed, grasping their hair with both hands and making them groan. You opened your eyes in surprise at the newfound pleasure as the sound vibrated over your folds. "I just c-came!"

"Looks like our hungry kitties are up for another round," Miko sneered as her hands began to touch you again. "You can give us more of your pussy milk, right bunny~?"

Oh, how you wish you hadn't taken them all at once.

© shenachigans — do not plagiarise, translate, repost or copy.

[archangeldyke-all]

I am. That- amab sev ceo request😳fucking hell 👀

Would you…possibly … feel comfortable ……………. Telling us abot that first ✨dicking down✨ as you called it - in sev‘s office?

Just thinking about sev getting hard against reader is….fuck

heheehehe i'd be happy to ;)

men and minors dni

you've got your legs sprawled over sevika's lap, both of you sitting on the couch. it's been hours, and at this point, you're doing more gossiping than work.

"y'know chloe and seamus are fucking?" you ask. sevika chokes on her sip of whiskey.

"i thought seamus was gay!" she coughs out. you laugh and sit up to pound her back.

"so did i." you admit. sevika laughs. "it's gonna be a mess when they break up." you say.

"maybe they won't." sevika says with a shrug. you laugh.

"you don't believe that." you say. sevika giggles guiltily.

"no, i don't." she admits. "well, what about you, are you hookin' up with anyone in the office?" sevika asks. you laugh and roll your eyes, flopping back down on your back on the couch.

"i fuckin' wish." you sigh at the ceiling. sevika hums.

"yeah? you gotta crush on someone?" she asks. you bite your lip. you do have a crush on someone in the office, that someone being the woman you're currently draped across, your boss, and your best friend. the worst part is that sevika already knows this. she's caught you staring one too many times for it to be platonic, she's constantly making you trip over your words, and behind closed doors, she's always got her hands on you. you glare at her and she giggles. "what?" she asks. you roll your eyes and kick her thigh.

"you know what, asshole." you mumble. sevika snickers.

"you're lucky you're cute, you know, otherwise i'd fire you for that kinda language." she teases. you huff.

"please, you'd be miserable without me." you say. sevika smiles because she knows you're right, her thumb drawing circles around your ankles.

you guys have been dancing around each other for weeks now. sevika's no more subtle than you are, biting her lip when she looks at you, fucking you with her eyes from across the room. (sometimes you catch her subtly shifting in her seat or holding her briefcase over her crotch, adjusting the slight bulge in her pants. you get dizzy each time.) you're both hesitant to act on the mutual attraction simmering between the two of you, with sevika being your boss. but tonight, you think something might be changing. especially with the way sevika's hand is slowly, slowly working up your leg.

"i would be." sevika says. "you're like the best thing about this place, y'know." she says. you smile.

"sounds like you got a bit of an office crush, sev." you tease her. she grins.

"what if i do?" she asks. her hand's on your knee now, tracing circles over your dress slacks. you bite your lip.

"well, i'd say buy her dinner, but you already did that." you say, gesturing to the open cartons of chinese food on the table beside you. sevika chuckles.

"so what should i do now?" she asks.

"depends." you say. sevika smirks.

"on what?"

"...what're your thoughts on office sex?" you ask, blinking your eyelashes flirtatiously.

five minutes later, sevika's got you pinned to her desk, your pants and underwear around your ankles as she fucks your squelching cunt with three fingers. your thighs are shaking, and you're drooling down onto the paperwork below you. sevika's still clothed, rutting her hard cock against your thigh. she's big, hence her three fingers.

"f-fuck i'm ready!" you whine. sevika chuckles.

"no you're not. still so fuckin' tight. don't wanna hurt you, baby." she grunts. you shiver.

"sevika!" you demand. "c'mon please! i wanna cum on your cock." you whine. sevika shudders behind you, smacking your ass with her free hand.

"fuck, y' can't just say shit like that!" she whines. you grin and arch your back, pressing your ass against her trapped cock. she groans. "asshole!" she curses you. you giggle.

"i've seen the way you look at me." you whisper against her desk. "i know you've been wantin' me. waiting for this. how many times'd you think about this, huh baby?" you ask. sevika sucks in a harsh breath behind you.

"too many to count." she whispers. you grin.

"so take those fuckin' pants off and show me what you've been wanting to do to me already."

sevika smacks your ass again and pulls her fingers out of your cunt. you miss the stretch, but you don't whine, especially not when you hear the clinking of her belt coming undone.

when her cock springs free, it smacks your ass. you groan. you haven't gotten a good look at it, but you can feel it, heavy and thick and throbbing against you. sevika's slowly grinding against you, making sweet little huffs with each thrust. you shake your ass against her.

"fuck me, sev." you demand. sevika hums, gently sliding the head of her cock through your folds. you nearly pass out when she bumps your clit.

"you're so fuckin' wet-- i wasn't the only one thinkin' about this, was i baby?" she asks. you smile against her desk.

"been thinkin' 'bout this since our second interview." you admit. sevika chuckles as she gently guides her cock inside you. you shiver as her head breaches you. she's fucking thick, and she was probably right that you weren't ready, but you've had four or five glasses of whiskey and you're so turned on you're going to pass out and sevika's whimpering behind you, so you don't really give a fuck.

"shit i'm not gonna last." she whispers as she slowly inches inside of you. you hum happily.

"'s long as 'y cum inside me i'll be happy." you tease. sevika shudders.

"fuck off!" she groans as she smacks your ass again. you laugh.

"no? 'y don't wanna fill me up? watch it drip back outta me? get me knocked up?" you tease her. sevika's grip on your hips is bruising, and you'd bet your life savings she's got her face scrunched up with her lip between her teeth.

"i'm tryna take it slow, shut the fuck up!" she grunts. you laugh.

"we can do slow some other time. tomorrow. or tonight, when you take me home after this."

"oh, 's that's what's happening?" she asks. you smile and nod.

"better be." you say. she chuckles as her hips meet your ass, her cock buried deep inside of you. she leans down to kiss your neck.

"course it is." she whispers. you grin, and sevika kisses your cheek, before she stands back up and starts fucking you with brutal, fast thrusts. you scream.

"fuck! yes, yes yes, just like that, sev, fuck!" you wail.

behind you, sevika's grunting with each snap of her hips. her cock's rubbing against your g-spot, and you know you're dripping around her from the disgusting wet sounds your cunt's making. you're grateful that she's pinned you to her desk, because your knees are jelly and you'd have collapsed onto the floor without the support of the oak slab beneath you.

"you feel so fucking good, holy shit." sevika moans. you gasp at her words. "fuck, please tell me you're close." she whimpers. you would laugh at the desperate tone of her voice if you weren't so busy moaning.

"s-so close." you whimper. sevika snakes one of her hands around you to start rubbing at your clit and you jolt beneath her. "oh shit sev, i'm gonna--"

"yeah, c'mon. on my cock baby, we can cum at the same time." she says, her voice shaky. your eyes roll back into your skull.

"sev, sev, sev, oh fuck, sevika, just like that, fuckin' love you, shit!" you gasp as sevika collapses on top of you, her cock filling you up with spurt after spurt of her hot cum. sevika's taking shaky breaths against you, kissing your neck before biting your earlobe.

"love you too, baby." she whispers as her cock continues to spill inside you. fuck, you hadn't even realized you'd let the words slip in your fucked out state until she said them back, and now that she has, you're cumming around her cock harder than you ever have before. sevika whimpers as your cunt convulses around you, milking her cock, and she sinks her teeth against your throat to hide her whines.

you're pretty sure you cum so hard you black out, because one minute you're on sevika's desk, twitching beneath her as she crushes you with her weight, and the next, she's pulling you into her arms and settling you down on the couch, kissing your face and rubbing your back. you hum against her.

"you okay?" she asks. you giggle.

"better than ever." you reply. sevika giggles and kisses your forehead.

"lemme take you home." she says. "you're gonna love my bed." you grin against her.

"okay. but... just hold me a few more minutes." you say. she laughs and tightens her grip around you. "'m sorry i said 'i love you' for the first time while you were balls deep in me." you say. sevika laughs.

"i'm not. i'm pretty sure i saw god." she says. you laugh.

"i do, you know." you say.

"you do what?" she asks.

"love you."

"hmm... you're sure it's not 'cause i'm paying you?" she teases. you laugh and pinch her side.

"i'm sure. if i loved you for that wage, i'd be a fuckin' horrible gold-digger." you tease her back. she giggles and smacks your ass.

"you're paid better than anyone else on this floor!" she says. you grin.

"yeah, i think my boss' got a crush on me or somethin'." you tease. sevika smiles.

"i think it's a little more than a crush." she says. you lift your head up to press a kiss to her lips.

"yeah?" you whisper against her. she smirks and nods.

"yeah." she says.

taglist!

@lesbeaniegreenie @fyeahnix @sapphicsgirl @half-of-a-gay @ellabslut @thesevi0lentdelights @sexysapphicshopowner @shimtarofstupidity @love-sugarr @chuucanchuucan @222danielaa @badbye666 @femme-historian @lia-winther

[tbmunson]

Escape - Gareth Emerson x Reader

Summary: You and Gareth get paired for the most important art project of the semester.

Warnings: Slow burn, idiots in love, caring for Gareth's sisters.

WC: 4,730

Notes: I'm in recovery for surgery, so updates will be slow. Shout out to @ashes-writing for being my absolute bestie and letting me bounce ideas.

1 / 2 / 3

PART 1

“Okay, class, you’ll work as partners for your final project.” Mr. Greely the art teacher stated, earning a cheer from the class. “I wouldn’t cheer so fast. I paired you up myself. This project is to make art based on what you learn about your partner, hence the little questionnaire at your tables. It can be a painting, drawing, or sculpture. Any audio recordings or mixed tapes will be given a zero. This is art, not band.

You rolled your eyes, but not because you wouldn’t be working with Tiffany, the only other cheerleader in the class, but because there was a chance you’d have to work with one of the meatheaded basketball players. You didn’t really want to work with her either, but that was a whole other can of worms.

Mr. Greely droned on, only catching your attention when he said your name. “You’ll be working with Emerson.”

Your eyes widened, which caught the attention of a few of your classmates who began to giggle. The panic was not from the boy himself, rather the fear you would accidentally fall harder for him if you got to really know him. Your focus was disrupted by shuffling next to you as Gareth settled into the desk paired with yours. “Hi.” You said softly, meek almost.

Gareth assumed this was due to disdain for him, presented a bit more politely. He did hear the giggles after all. “What’s up?” Not a question, just a simple acknowledgement to your greeting.

You studied his side profile, debating the different art forms you could use to relay the puffy haired metalhead next to you.

“You have a month to complete this project. Oh, and, your partner will be grading you on how well they think you relay them to the world. That does have an effect on the overall grade, so get to know each other.” Mr. Greely finished as the bell rang.

“So, I don’t know if you’re busy tonight with it being Friday and all, but my house is free tonight if you want to come do the questionnaire.” You offered sweetly as you packed your notebook into your bag.

“I, uh, have to watch my sisters tonight, but, if you want to, I mean, you can come to my place.” His nerves were apparent, which made you smile.

“Yeah, I’ll find you at lunch and finalize the details.” You gripped the strap to your backpack and turned to meet Tiffany at the door.

She sputtered out a laugh as she glanced over her shoulder to Gareth. “You really got paired with the freak, huh?”

You couldn’t stop the eye roll. “Tiff, I’ve known him since forever. He’s a sweet guy. Just because he listens to different music and doesn’t dress the same doesn’t make him a freak.” You replied, trying to keep your tone level so as to not snap at the head of the cheerleading team.

“He plays a fucking fantasy game, babe. It’s weird.” She chirps back as if it was common knowledge.

“It’s an escape. Everyone has an escape. You totally zone out when you cheer. That’s your escape.” You’re fully annoyed now, but not showing it, which is hard due to the fact that she just laughs, mumbling a “Whatever.” under her breath.

You break off into your math class and sit next to Eddie Munson. “Hey, Eddie.” You say, catching his attention.

He peeks around you, looking around.

“What are you doing?” You ask, furrowing your brows.

“Wondering why Hawkins High’s very own princess is trying to talk to me. Not that I’m complaining. Just curious.” He responded with an amused look.

You can’t help the small smile that spreads at his antics. “I’m talking to you because I’m a nice person and I let you cheat off of me. It’s time to repay the favor.”

“Ooh, princess wants something from the freak. Enlighten me.” He taps the tips of his fingers together in a way that would mook maniacal if it weren’t Eddie.

You roll your eyes at the dramatics. “I have an art project and I need-”

“I will not model naked for you if that’s what you’re asking.” He had a very serious look on his face, which meant he was totally joking, something you’d come to know sitting next to him in three different classes.

You smacked his arm and furrowed your brow. “No. I need the inside scoop on Gareth. He’s my partner and I have to get to know him, like really get to know him for this project.”

Eddie nods, resting his chin in his hand. “Okay. I can help you with that. As long as I keep copying your homework and cheating off of your tests.” He smirked, a wide grin plastering his face.

“In all honesty, I didn’t even think about using that as a threat.” You giggled, reaching over and scribbling your number onto a page with a scratched out doodle in his notebook. “Call me tomorrow. I’ll be at Gareth’s tonight.”

“Oh yeah, date night.” Eddie replied kind of like an off hand comment.

“It’s not a date, Eddie.” Your eyes were wide again like they had been in art class.

Eddie laughed and shook his head. “I mean his parents. He has to watch his sisters. Although I may be reading into that reaction a little too much, but I think you-”

“Not another word or the copying does stop.” Your face was hard, begging him not to speak the words you already knew were true. You would like to go on a date with him, but this, getting to really know him as part of a project, it’ll work too. Better, you convince yourself. Better because there’s no pressure to actually like him and if you don’t, well at least you'll know and you can stop this pitiful pining over him.

“Yes, your highness.” Eddie bows as much as he can while sitting before the teacher begins class.

Two class periods later you were headed to lunch. Once you made it to the cafeteria you headed right for the Hellfire table, leaving a very confused Stephanie in the doorway. As you approached a group of freshmen were settled at the table. “Hi, does Gareth sit here?” You knew he did, but striking up a conversation would be better than just claiming a seat that didn’t belong to you.

The curly haired one looked up, surprised a cheerleader was talking to him. “I, uh, yeah.” he sputtered, earning a glare from the dark haired one.

“Dude, you can’t just tell people like-” He cuts himself off, looking up at you and wondering if you’d tear him a new one.

You laughed and leaned against the table. “I know. People like me have a bad rap, and usually for good reason. I have an art project with Gareth and we need to go over some details. No malice. No ill intent. Pinky promise.” You held out your pinky, waiting for one of the group to make their move.

The smaller boy with a bowl cut reaches out, linking his pinky with yours. “He’ll be here in a few. He usually takes a smoke break before coming to lunch. That’s his seat,” He points to a chair on the edge of the opposite side of the table. “And Jeff isn’t here today, so the spot next to him is open if you want to sit.”

“Thank you.” You smile before rounding the table and sitting in the middle seat. “My name is Y/N, by the way.” You offer a hand over the table for any one of them to take.

The curly haired boy reaches over and shakes it, “I’m Dustin, this is Mike and Will.”

“It’s nice to meet you guys. So, how does Dungeons and Dragons work? I’ve never played but it seems interesting from what I’ve seen.” You can’t find it in yourself to regret the question as Dustin and Will go into an in depth explanation of the game. You were so drawn in that you didn’t notice Gareth walking up to the table, or the look of horror as the freshmen bombarded you with facts about a fantasy game, even if he loved that fantasy game more than most things.

“Alright you guys, I’m sure she doesn’t want to hear about DnD.” Gareth sighed as he sat, drawing the attention of the four of you.

You gave him a playful glare. “I asked, actually. It sounds like a lot of fun. Very creative.” You were smiling by the end.

Gareth nodded, unable to help the thought that you were only saying that to seem nice and use it against them later. He immediately felt bad because in all the years of classes together, you’d never been that way. “Okay, well, I’m sorry. You can continue, Dustin.”

“Actually, Dustin, as much as I want to hear the differences in characters, I really need to get some stuff settled with Gareth about this project. How about I come sit here on Monday and you and Will can finish telling me about it.” You offered, finding the kids incredibly charming and utterly adorable.

“Yeah!” Dustin replied, opening a book to keep track of what he’d filled you in on already.

Gareth chuckled and leaned over to whisper to you. “You really don’t have to let them torture you like this.” The way his voice rumbled in your ear mixed with the warmth of his breath cascading down your neck, you knew you were screwed.

“Gare, really, I want to know about it. I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t.” You assured him, placing a hand on his forearm and giving it a small squeeze.

Gareth didn’t know what else to say, so he only offered a crooked smile instead.

“Good, it’s settled. Now to the main task at hand. What time do I need to come over?”

He shrugged and went over the schedule in his head. “I’m gonna do dinner at 5:30, give them a bath, and let them play. They’ll be out by 7:30.” He offered more as a question.

“Or, I can bring dinner from Benny’s around 6, help you give them a bath, and we can all watch a movie before they go to bed.” You twisted a curl around your finger as you waited for his response.

He nodded and smiled. “Yeah, they’d like that.”

You slid your notebook and a pen in front of him. “Write down your order and I’ll be over by six.”

“Do you even know where I live?” He quirked a brow as he scribbled down an order.

“Gareth Emerson, I have lived down the street from you my whole life. Of course I know where you live.” You reached out and gently smacked his shoulder.

Gareth laughed and held a hand up in surrender. “I’m just making sure. I’d hate for you to get lost and leave me starving.” He jokes, sliding the notebook across the table with the order, along with his number. “See you tonight?”

“For sure, but you’re going to see me sitting here for the rest of lunch, if that’s okay with you.” You looked up at him through your lashes.

“It’s totally fine!” Dustin said, grabbing your attention. You’d almost forgotten about the freshmen sitting across from you.

You laughed and nodded, knowing he wanted to continue his spill about the different kinds of characters.

The end of the day came and you were headed out to your car when you were stopped by Tiffany. “What in the hell were you doing at that table of freaks during lunch?”

Your jaw clenched, but you didn’t let your anger show. “I had to come up with a plan for this project. Gareth is my partner. Art is the only class we have together and I’d like to get it started sooner rather than later.”

Tiffany scoffed and rolled her eyes. “Don’t let it happen again.”

“Actually, I’ll be there Monday too, and probably a few times throughout the next couple of weeks. I’ll sit with you guys on game days so no one sees me in my uniform at their table, but this project is important to me. Art is important to me. You know I want to be an artist. If getting to know him is what it takes to make a kickass piece, then I’m doing it.” Your tone wasn’t harsh, but it was firm, letting her know there would be no room for negotiation.

She didn’t say anything, just stomped away, which caught the attention of the older Hellfire members.

“I think she just stood up for us.” Grant said, eyebrows raised.

Gareth pressed his back against the brick wall and looked up at the tin of the sidewalk covers. “Fuck.” He shook his head as he breathed deeply.

“What, Emerson?” Eddie cocked a brow at Gareth’s pained expression.

“I don’t know. Like, this is going to be so hard. I’ve only been in love with her since kindergarten. Now she’s sitting at my lunch table, standing up for me and my friends, and she’s coming to my fucking house tonight. How am I supposed to do this?”

Eddie couldn’t help but to laugh at his friend's pained expression. “I usually don’t get in the middle of this crap, but, earlier I made a joke about it being date night. She got really defensive, and that’s fully a sign that she’s into you. Maybe just go for it?”

“You’re so full of shit, Munson. She’s just a nice person and didn’t want you to get the wrong idea.” He replied, finally pushing himself off the wall. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow at practice. Gotta get home so my parents can head out.”

Eddie and Grant mumbled their goodbyes before making their way to Eddie’s van.

It was currently 5:50 and you’d just pulled into the Emerson’s driveway with a passenger seat full of food and shakes. You released a breath you didn’t realize you had been holding before cutting the engine and getting out of the car. You’d barely made it to the passenger door when the glossy red door to the house flung open.

“Lori, get back here!” Gareth’s exhausted yell came as he chased her down the steps, not yet realizing you’d arrived. He scooped her up as she giggled.

“I was trying to see your friend!” Lori‘s giggles quickly turned into a whine when she realized her brother had no plans to put her feet back on the ground.

Gareth finally looked up, making eye contact with you as you rested your elbow on the roof of the car. “Hey, uh, sorry. One sec.” He finally returned Lori’s feet to the ground but made her look at him. “Go back inside. I’m going to help Y/N bring the food in and you can see her in there, okay?”

She pouted but nodded before walking slowly to the house.

“Someone’s got the dad voice down.” You smiled, bending to grab the bags as Gareth made his way over to you in a pair of grey sweat pants and a faded Metallica shirt.

“Yeah, well, someone had to be when my dad split a few years ago. Rick is nice though.” He replied, reaching to take the bags out of your hands.

You nodded, smiling as his skin brushed yours. “I think you’re doing a great job considering she actually listened.” You offered before bending back down to get the drink tray with the shakes.

Gareth planned on replying, but he was silenced by the sight of you bent over and the amount of leg coming out of the old practice cheer shorts you’d changed into. He watched you stand and bump the door with your hip to close it.

“C’mon Gare, shakes are melting.” You said, taking a few steps towards his house.

He nodded and followed wordlessly. This was going to be a lot harder than he thought.

As you and his sisters settled into the table Gareth apologized again that his sisters threw a fit to both sit next to you.

“They’re fine, Gareth. Tell your brother to stop worrying so much, Lori.”

“Yeah, stop worrying that much.” She sassed, making you laugh and Gareth roll his eyes.

“I don’t know how Clara expects me to help her with her food all the way over there.” He gave the youngest girl a look as if to say ‘didn’t think of that, did you’.

“I’ve got it. It’s just chicken and fries. She’s safe in my care.” You assured him as you opened the small styrofoam container to start tearing the strips into more manageable pieces for a two year old

“Yeah, but you shouldn’t have to.” He replied sincerely.

You sighed and turned to look at him. “Gareth, it’s okay to let people do stuff for you. If I minded I wouldn’t be doing it. Do you trust that?”

He was at a loss for words, only nodding in response.

“Good. Now eat your burger before it gets cold.” You instructed as you finished tearing the chicken. “One at a time, Clara. Don’t put another in your mouth until the first one is all gone, okay?”

The small girl with white curly hair and bright blue doe eyes nodded, reaching for a piece of her chicken.

You popped a fry into your mouth, fully ready to dive into your burger when there was a tap on your shoulder. You turned to see Lori looking at you with a pout.

“Can you do my chicken too? Pretty please.” She looked like she was scared you would say no.

“Of course, baby doll! Let me see.” You pulled her plate over to you and started ripping the chicken into bits.

“Lori, you eat strips all the time.” Gareth stated after swallowing a bite of his burger.

“Gareth, eat your burger and let her be. She wants my attention and that’s okay.” You assured him, cutting your eyes over to look at him across the table without moving your head very much.

“But your food is going to get cold.” He urged as you took on the second strip.

“We’ll call it practice for being a real mom one day. Cold food, cold coffee, hot ice cream.”

“Ew! Hot ice cream!” Lori laughed as you pushed her plate back towards her.

You couldn’t help but join in. Her laugh is tinkly like a fairy, contagious.

“Okay, alright, I won’t say anything else.” He raised his hands in surrender before going back to his food.

The rest of the meal went by quietly, ending with you spooning the girls' shared shake into separate cups.

Once dessert was had, it was bath time, resulting in your cheer camp t-shirt getting soaking wet.

“I am so sorry. Let me get you a shirt.” Gareth was red from embarrassment.

You, however, were still smiling. “Okay, Gare. I’ll get them dried off and changed, then I’ll come find you about the shirt.”

He nodded and left the bathroom.

“Are you my brother’s girlfriend?” Lori asked once she was sure Gareth was gone.

You giggled a bit and shook your head as you pulled her nightgown over her head. “No, baby doll, I’m not. We go to school together. He’s my friend.”

She nodded and her face twisted in thought. “Will you be his girlfriend?”

You gave her a soft smile. “Yeah, I hope so one day.” You winked at her before turning to help Clara into her nightgown. “Why don’t you girls go down stairs to the couch while I go find Gareth and change, hm?”

Lori nodded and took Clara’s hand to lead her away.

You sighed and pushed yourself from the floor.

It didn’t take much to figure out which door belonged to Gareth. He had various band stickers and drawings on the door. You knocked twice.

“Come in!” He called as he snagged his favorite Motley Crue shirt from the hanger. It may or may not have been for a fantasy he had not too long ago.

You opened the door and stepped in. “Hey, I sent the girls downstairs to get settled. Just came to grab the shirt. It’s starting to get a little chilly.” You chuckled at the end, leaning against the wall.

“Okay, great. Um, you can change here if you want. I can go get the movie ready.”

You nodded and stepped further into the room. “Yeah, thanks. I’ll be down in just a second.” You said taking the worn material from his hands. Once the door clicked closed you pulled your shirt over your head and unhooked your bra which was soaked through. You hoped the shirt would be big enough that the lack of bra wouldn’t be noticeable. What you didn’t think about though, was leaving the pile of damp clothes at the foot of the bed before walking out of the room and down stairs.

“Can I sit with you!” Lori yelled as she saw you finally descend the stairs.

“Of course, baby doll.” You smiled, glancing over at Gareth who managed to go a deep shade of red.

Maybe putting you into that shirt was one of his less than stellar ideas. His mind wandered back to the dream he had the other night of you, in the shirt, on top of him- He stopped his thoughts immediately before they became too much.

You settled next to him and let Lori climb into your lap as Gareth hit play on the Care Bears movie. You ran your fingers through the six year olds hair, eventually braiding it into a nice french braid before she fell asleep. You looked over to Clara who was dead asleep in Gareth’s lap.

He looked over at you and then up the stairs. “They won’t wake. They sleep pretty hard. Wanna take them up and get started?”

“Yeah, that sounds good.” You smiled as you got a better grip on Lori. You followed Gareth up the stairs and pushed open Lori’s bedroom door. You laid her down gently in her princess bed sheets and covered her up before heading back to the hall to meet Gareth.

“You’re really good with them, you know.” He said, leading you back down the stairs and turning the light on.

“If I don’t go into art, I want to teach little ones.” You said, tucking a hair behind your ear.

“You could be the art teacher for the little ones.” Gareth offered. “Best of both worlds.”

“You’re so smart, you know that? That never crossed my mind.” You laughed a little, not believing you’d not thought of it before.

Gareth smiles as he bumped your shoulder. “Thanks. And when you do become an art teacher for little ones, make sure you credit me.” He winked before sitting on the floor at the coffee table.

You sat across from him, rolling your eyes at his joke. “I’ll put your name on the degree.” You said sarcastically as you pulled the questionnaire sheet from the spiral notebook.

Both of you took a second to look over the sheet before you spoke again.

“These are bullshit questions.” You said passively as you looked up from the bullet point asking ‘What is your partner’s favorite color.’

“Why do you say that?” He asked, putting his sheet down on the table.

You sighed and tapped your pen on your lip and you thought. “If I’m supposed to make an art piece based on you, what good is knowing your favorite food and color? I mean do I just draw a red cheeseburger? It’s so basic. Art is supposed to make you think. Make you feel something.” You emphasized before laying back on the floor.

Gareth laughed and scooted around to your side of the table to lay next to you. “You have a point, but how do you know my favorite color is red? I never told you.”

You turned your head to look at him rather than the ceiling. “I’ve lived 50 yards from you my whole life, we went to the same daycare, elementary, middle, and high school. Red is one of the few colors in your color palette. People don’t wear colors they don’t like.” You studied his face, taking in every freckle, every developing laugh line, every shade of blue and green in his eyes for the hundredth time, only this time you were much closer. It had much more of an effect on you.

“You’re very observant, you know.” His mouth ticked up into a lopsided smile as his eyes darted around your face.

“Which is you telling me that I’m right.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” He laughed this time, making you smile. “You’re not as oblivious as you present yourself as. Why do you do that?” His brows furrowed as he questioned you.

You shrugged, debating your answer for a moment. “I do what I have to in order to make it where I want to go. You present yourself as a dark, twisty guy who doesn’t care about anything, yet you’ve got smile lines and you’re amazingly sweet with your sisters. Why do you do that?” You challenged with a playful smile.

“Self preservation. I’m a weird kid and if I come off as someone who’s easy to mess with, life would be a whole lot worse. So I keep myself far away from the people who don’t deserve to know me.” He explained, his eyes holding a look that you couldn’t quite place.

Before you could stop yourself you asked, “Do I deserve to know you?”

His eyes that held your gaze flickered down to your lips and back up. “Yeah. Do I deserve to know you?”

You nodded, unable to resist the urge to reach over and rest your hand on the side of his face.

The moment was quiet, intimate, and gone far too quickly as his mom and stepdad came into the house.

“Gareth, whose car is in the drive-“ his mothers voice cut off as she walked in on the innocent scene because she could feel the tension between her son and the girl laying on the floor.

You snatched your hand away quickly and looked at the woman in the doorway, praying she wouldn’t berate you for being there.

“Mom. Hey. I told you Y/N was coming by for the art project.” He was red, not from a blush but from panic. His heartbeat was thundering in his ears so loud he thought it must have been audible.

She nodded and smirked. “Alright, well, carry on then.” She turned and walked into the kitchen where her husband was digging around in the pantry. “They’re going to get married. I’m calling it now.”

“Gwen, you can’t be serious. You haven’t even spoken to the girl.” He turned to look at her before glancing through the doorway to see the girl in question gathering her things.

“A mother knows.” She patted his chest and gave him the look. The look that said you-know-I’m-right.

Gareth walked with you out the door and to your car. “I’ll see you on Monday. Be careful.” He opened your door for you and watched you get in.

“If I wreck going three houses down the street, I probably don’t need a license.” You joked as you looked up at him, taking in the way the moonlight bounced off of the high points of his face.

“Be careful.” His tone was a bit more authoritative than before, making your insides turn.

“I will be.” You promised before smirking. “Do you want me to call you when I get there so you know I got in okay?” You teased lightly, making him roll his eyes.

“Just for that, I sure do. If my phone’s not ringing in 5 minutes I’m coming down there.” He was smiling, laughing at the way you scrunched up your nose at him before sticking your tongue out.

“Maybe I won’t call then.”

“Are you testing me?”

“I guess you’ll find out.”

“I guess I will.” He winked and closed the door to your car before walking towards the door. He stood there, watching you back out of the driveway thinking about how easy it was with you. It was easy to be himself. He finally went inside to wait for your call.

[vitzi9]

Patience is the key to success (2)

Masterlist if you want to read my others things. Part 1 here.

CW/TW: yandere-manipulative-obsessive-stalker-ethan, fem reader, smut, no p in v, depressed reader(but really), suicidal thoughts

i'm trying to post this quick because I crave attention, whatever its insults, compliments, likes or repost, idc. I want ppl to know i'm existing. i have a big oral test tomorrow and im really bad at speaking before someone (hence why im writing instead) so i just need to know im not totally useless in the society and that im, at the very least, making people enjoy my things. sorry for the rant, i have a big headhache, probably gonna die ✌️😚

the smut is really bad btw but like really but im bad at writing them but i need to to improve (26/06/2023) (5226 words)

"Let's just finish watching the movie now." you say and Ethan doesn't make you repeat as he goes straight to the couch.

You felt much better after that little talk. Ethan did not say much but in his words, there was a lot more. He was planning to be with you a long time. He does not want to ruin things. It made you so happy. Every fiber in you was warm thinking of it. You were at peace.

Ethan was calm after that, albeit moving uncomfortably sometimes. (maybe because of his boner?) He was just as cuddly as when you arrived. His head laid flat on your chest, rising up and down with each one of your breath. Your fingers brush his curl slowly as you hear his breathing slacken. You were giddy thinking about him being at peace with you, too.

His arms were closed tightly around your body, never letting you go. The movie was really advanced by now, the end was coming soon. It probably was something towards 11AM. Usually, you would have gone knock at your friend's house but there was no need now as you already saw her earlier.

When the movie fatefully ended, the credits start to roll but none of you moved an inch. Ethan rubs his cheeks against your chest before sighing happily. His eyes were closed. Was he asleep ? No, certainly not. He loves horror movie. He wouldn't fall asleep when one is ongoing.

He was cute here. You were delighted to think he trusted you enough to let his guards down and sleep with you. You were his safeplace. And he was yours. Your fingers trail down on his back where you draw small patterns dreamily. You write things, that cross your mind. You simply scratch him. His sudden speaking startle you. Your hand stopping evey movements.

"Are you sleeping far from here, today ? Every movements of his jaw hitting slightly on your chest. 'today' because he knew about your frequent change of home.

Relaxing, you continue to caress his back lovingly.

-No, not really. But I don't sleep there anymore.

The hotel too was starting to worry you. Like the building was shrieking on you. You don't know what was scarier, to be alone or to never be. And now that you found such a warm place, you don't want to leave. Ever.

-Why ?

-Scare me, s'all.

-You can sleep here tonight, if you want.

-Why ? Your decision was already made; you'd sleep here. You knew it the second he offered you to stay the night. But you wanted to see his arguments to convince you.

"Let me be with you." his sentence made a shiver run down your back.

Did that stalker fucked you up so hard you had chill even thinking about them? It was just a damn sentence. Everyone can say it. For god's sake, it's Ethan saying it of all people. Even if he awoke this uneasy feeling back, you couldn't blame him. He didn't know about the sign the criminal had shown you. You didn't tell him that much detail, only saying they had indeed brought creepy signs but omitting what was written on it. And Ethan said it so prettily, too. Yes, of course you'd be with him.

He told you you never slept here before and that you'd be safe anyway since he's here and don't plan on leaving you. So you accepted. It was really early in the day but the both of you were getting sleepy because of the calm and comfort of the situation. He offered you to go to his room which you accepted. After guiding you to there, he tells you he has to go grab something and that he'd be back really quick.

And he did, in fact, came back really quick.

By then, you were already sprawled out on his bed. You had time to see the mess he had scattered everywhere. The carboard, the books, the drawings, some letters, too. And you even found out about his second phone. The lockscreen was a generic one, the one you have by default, as if he just got it recently. But the phone wasn't new, it seems in contrary really old as it was broken at some area.

Ethan arrives in the room with a small plastic blue square packaging, you don't have time to see what it was that he throws it under the bed. You don't pay it too much attention. Playing mindlessly with his other phone in hand, you take off and put back the phone case of it to entertain yourself.

"You got two phones ? you ask even though you kind of knew the answer already.

-Oh, yes. One is for games only, the other is the one I'm really using. Did you went on it ?

-No, don't worry, I won't frisk into your secret criminal life."

He smiles before taking the phone out of your hand. He places it in the drawer of his nightstand. Ethan falls on top of you, taking your breath away for a moment. You laugh and hit his back for him to get away from you and he just laugh heartly before letting himself fall beside you.

He lays down, setting his head on his arm, looking up at you with stars in eyes. Sometimes, he's so pretty it hurt physically to look at him. Starting to get embarrassed by his insistent look, you find something to say.

-Why do you have so much pieces of cardboard anyway ?

-I make placards out of them.

With a fond smile, Ethan stares straight at your eyes. As if waiting for you to say something. You would have ask questions about his 'placards ' if not for the sudden interest he was displaying in you, which, instead, made you change subject without really noticing it. A nervous laugh escaping you.

-Why are you looking at me like that ? Is there an undertone ? Am I supposed to understand something ?"

He shakes his head negatively, displaying a small mischievous smile. He could be such a goblin at times ! Wanting to make him swallow his pride, you lean towards him and kiss his lips. Ethan smiles and moves his lips with yours.

Your arm set down on his waist and soon the kiss get heated. Ethan's body is burning, his breath is too. You don't let each other breath, as soon as you separate from each other, you plunge back in. Physically needing the contact.

You rise on your knee, arching your back to kiss him still laying flat on the bed. Soon, he joins you by rising as well. Both of you on your knees, face to face, eating each other's face. Ethan's hand are mahandling you to sit on his thights. Then, with his surprising strenght, he starts sliding you on them. Your heating pussy rubbing directly on the fabric of his pant. Your hand instinctivly goes to rub the growing tent in his trousers. The area was hot, when you slide your fingers on it, it would budge.

Ethan whimpers, thrusting his hips against yours. You straddle him completly, framing his his body with your legs. You rub his tent against your clit for some frictions. It was aching and growing more desperate by seconds.

"I... I wanna have sex with you." Ethan says softly.

You kiss his cheek, going for his neck. You answer with a meek 'me too' before sucking the skin of his neck. Ethan backs his head, already out of breath. He gives you full access to his body, still rutting desperatly his hips into yours.

But you were growing impatient. You lift your body from him, making him whine at the contact loss, before sliding your fingers behind the elastic of his pants. You slip it down to his knees before you start salivating at the sight of his hard cock already drooling for you.

He didn't have any underwear. That's why you could feel him so close to your core.

Your hand touch his thight, caressing gently his body. Making sure to avoid the area he need you the most. Ethan try to touch himself, tired of your teasing, but you slap his hand away. He whines and looks up at you with teary eyes. Silently begging you to do something. It was impossible for you to resist him.

Your hand grabs his cock in one motion, you could feel it pulse and its warmth propagate in your hand. It was already so so wet because of all his precum, your hand was sliding so easily you could have thought he came multiple times already. Gently, you start to move your hand on all its lenght slowly. The boy props himself on his elbows and look at the scene before him. Ethan sighs happily, eyes closing and head backing. He's in heaven, he thinks. But not entirely, as he looks at you still clothed.

"Want to... Want to finger you..." he pleas.

In front of a boy so desperate, and being incredibly horny, you slide your pant down, making sure your underwear went with it. Ethan lose every one of his braincells when he sees your bare pussy glistening with your love juice. He wanted to lick it bad. That's the only one fanstam he ever had that help him getting off so hard he can't move for a whole minute. He wants to drown himself in your juice. But you have others projects.

You guide his pointer finger to your lips. Ethan starts caressing it and smear your juice everywhere. His lift up another finger and start passing both of them on your lips.

"Here, you have to touch here." you say, pointing to your clit.

You move briefly to bring your genitals closer. You could feel each other's warmth emanating from your core. Seeing him try to touch you was so hot. He was listening to everything you said.

Soon getting the hang of it, he starts circling your clit, applying different pressure on it to see which one were you reacting the most to. Slowly, you quicken your pace on his hard cock. As if to reward him for being such a good boy. He was in a trance, eyes closing and opening. And when they opened, they were staring with a utmost care at your moving breast throught your shirt. Your nipples were hard and were poking through the fabric.

His eyes were glued to it. Understanding his want, you lift your shirt above your collarbone with your free hand. Ethan can't seem to take off his eyes of you. They're probably the first pair of breasts he sees in real life after all.

"Fuck... You're so pretty, love." you speed up on his shaft at his praise. "Fuck, fuck...

-You can touch baby.

-I can?"

He stops all movements to your pussy, your frown but let him discover his needs. It was his first time, you needed to let him have a little fun. His free hand touch one of your breast, massaging it then weighten it in the palm of his hand. He smiles like an idiot, an idiot so cute you let him do what he wants with you. His other, wet, hand pinch lightly your sensitive bud.

Your free hand slap his arm to make him understand he did it too hard. He sends you an apologatic smile.

"They're like stress ball."

Amused by the weird comparison, your chuckle. Still impatient to come, you guide your hand higher on his cock to caress his tip and rub it. His face contorts in pleasure, browns frows and mouth ajar. His forehead fall on your shoulder while his fingers go back down near your entrance. His hips were thrusting into nothing but your hand. Obscene wet noises were resulted. You were hot, terrribly hot but so was he.

Ethan's small puff of breath sends chill in your body. His whimpers couldn't be replaced with anyone else. Your hand was all wet and sticky, as was his. Ethan decides to enter once again two of his digits in you. Your head falls back and you sigh happily at finally scratching that itch in you.

"Curl your fingers, E." you whisper.

He hums and do as told. Curling his fingers in you, he starts to thrust them in and out at a slow pace, adopting the same sensuality you used to jerk him off. You accelerate, your hand no longer lingering on the entire shaft. Sometimes, you'd stop completly to hear him whine. Your thumb caressing his cock's veins.

"Baby please..." he pleas.

Ethan starts kissing sloppily your shoulder, your neck. You, on the other hand, take his hand to guide the thrust of his fingers, angling them correctly for them to touch that spongy spot inside. His fingers were long and thin, that was a part of him you absolutly loved. You always had a thing for pretty hands and his were beautiful.

"What do you want, love? you ask tenderly.

-Tell me you love me..."

You nudge his hair with your nose and he looks up. Staring at his eyes, you see them wet with tears. You kiss him instantly. Playing with his tongue with yours, your hand moving faster and faster. You stop the kiss to tell him you love him and he bites his lips, eyes closing.

His breath is jerky, uneven. You press his palm against your clit, rubbing it while you push his fingers inside you again. You feel a knot tighten. You won't last long.

"Tell me you love me.

-I love you E, you're doing so good.

-Again..."

You said it as many times as he needed to feel better. His hips stuttters, his cock quivers. His words are slurred to each other, resulting in incomprehensible blabbering. You don't lose the rythm, keeping the same pace until he'd eventually come.

-Love you so..." he whines.

His body tense, his breath stops. You can only hear the wet sounds your hand is producing. He doesn't utter a sound until spurts of cum smear on your hand and belly. Feeling at ease, he moans a last time from relief and breath again.

You're not far behind. Ethan being pratically knocked out, you grind on his hand. You close your thighs around it, ensuring it stay inside. Your legs are shaking, wave of hot and cold invade you. You plunge his fingers inside but, to your surprise, Ethan regains control and start pounding into you to get you to your end.

He kisses your neck while you finally come on his fingers, sweaty and disvesheled. You swear one last time when he withdraws his fingers. You stay here for a while, just hugging , breathing and basking in each other's presence.

After some minutes, you decide to go shower together. You end up finally getting a good night of sleep, cuddled in his strong arms.

The next day, Ethan and you had a stupid satisfied smile on your face. Both happy to be here. You kissed and confessed your love to each other all morning until eventually he had to leave for work. Sadly, you had things to do, too. Ethan offered you to stay and sleep here for a few nights because he wanted to stay close to you.

You liked this idea. Of course you liked it, you love Ethan. And to convince you further, he told you his roomate wouldn't mind. So naturally you accepted. You were embarassed at the idea of bothering his roomate but you decided you would just sleep here, and the day, you'd let the apartment free. It was his too, after all. Not only Ethan's. There is no way you'd let someone feel excluded in their own house.

Grabbing your phone, you click on your friend's number. You call her, the ringing echoes three times and no one answer. Somehow begrudgingly, you resume yourself at simply sending a text. Just for you to instantly forgetting your sorrow as she answers. The discussion was quite simple, she was telling you she was at her grandma right now. She was bored and wanted to know how you were doing.

'I'm going back to my dear haunted apartment, probably gonna die. Wish me luck.' you texted. She put a little more time answering this one. It's possible it triggered something in her. After everything she endured. 'nobody will hurt you as long as i'm alive' she said. She simply changed subjects after that. Asking you about the cute guy you told her about in the letters. And so you explained everything. Every time you tried to offer to call her, she'd decline. You were still sad she didn't want to talk to you but you were telling yourself you needed to be patient.

On a happier note, you decided to leave the place to go to your own apartment.

To one point, you should have known better than be too happy about your improving situation. Of course, it was well too soon for you to consider everything better. But you were probably stupid because the fall hit you much harder than you could've prepared yourself for. Oh, the pain you felt when reality had finally caught you. You thought you were going to die when you came back home to simply grab some clothes. (Ethan told you to do so.)

Your door was ajar. But it wasn't your doing. No, of course it wasn't you. Your apartement terrified you, why would you come here more ofthen than needed ? You felt your body freeze but you quickly overcame the feeling. That's it. You needed it to end. This fucking stalker had ruined you. You and your life. You sent a text to Ethan, telling him that if you do not call him after twenty minutes, he needed to call the cops. He didn't answer. He was at work. It was well past eleven by now.

Your heart was beating so hard you thought it was going to collapse on the ground, and you with it. Slowly, aware of every sound around you, you push the door. Your livingroom was as messy as you had left it. At one difference, the wall. Every frame you had put up on the walls were thrown away. Most of them on the ground and broken, with shattered glasses everywhere.

Why would the creep empty the walls ? To write on it. Of course they would write on it. You laugh bitterly for yourself. You couldn't see their stupids fucking signs anymore, so they had to improve. To force you to read their creepy obsessive text. You hear the crushing of a broken piece of glass, as if someone had stepped on it. But it wasn't you.

You're on alert. Every one of your senses on crisis. Was your mind playing tricks on you ? It was possible in this hellish house who did nothing but give you nightmares recently. You don't realize how you stopped breathing. Only calming when three long minutes had gone without another sound to be heard.

Nothing is here. You're alone, you think. Everything is good. You'll just grab your stuff and leave. Regaining your breath, you bring your attention back on the wall. Words were written on it in deep crimson red. Is that blood ? No, it can't be. Probably paint to give a creepy look that'll catch your attention. You approach the wall to better understand the message.

'She's not here anymore'

The need to throw up almost won. A dark feeling in your guts was telling you 'she' was your friend. But you didn't know. She responded to you, after all. You talked to her. So she had to be okay. She had to. You put your hand on your belly to soothe that want to vomit. You take big breath before finally leaving the livingroom. You quickly make your way to your room where you meet your bare bed. Where are your sheets ? What the hell ? But you don't want to stay longer so you throw clothes in your bag in a hurry.

The front door slam shut. And you know it's the end.

You already feel the tears drowning your sight. Trying to stay silent, you hide in your closet almost empty with how many times you came here to grab clothes. Your hand clasp against your mouth to avoid doing any noise.

Slow footsteps can be heard in the empty apartment. With your shaky hands, you fail to unlock your phone. Your vision is blurry, you can't touch the correct keys. The worst is that you can't see where the creep is. If they stay silent, they can enter the room you're in without you even noticing. And this idea is horrifying. But on another side, you'd preferred them to kill you by surprise so you don't have to affront them.

Your cries intensify, in your despair, you drop your phone straight on the ground. The footsteps stops abrutly. Three distincts knocks are echoing on the corridor's wall. They are coming toward you. You're fucked. They're coming ! What do you do ? What did you do ? Why is this happening ?

Kneeling like you could in the closed space, you reach your hand to grab your phone. As soon as your finger grazes it, the phone vibrate and your ringtone start playing for the whole building to hear. No, no, no, no, no ! Ethan. Ethan is calling you. You pick up despite everything but as soon as you do so, the call is cut short. Fuck E, why would you do that !

The criminal's footsteps are louder, quicker, heavier. They're running. They're running here ! You hold the closet door shut with your both hands, praying for your life. You only have knives in your kitchen, but it's too late now. If you go out, they'll see you. You realized at that moment that whatever you were doing, you couldn't win. That you never even stood a chance against them.

Everything was illusion.

Nothing was improving, you knew it, in fact. You were lying to yourself, searching comfort in a man that don't even understand the dept of the problem. Of your problem. And your friend ? You don't want to talk about her. You don't want to open your eyes just yet. You just want to live in your nice little lies you made up for yourself. You're nice with them, in fact, you like them. Nobody wanted to help you anyway. They could have saved you, you and her, but nobody listened.

Now, it's too late.

The closet start to shake. Widening your eyes, you realize that the creep had start to punch it with their bare fist. You don't give a fuck about being heard anymore, you're bailing your eyes out. Begging for them to let you go, screaming, yelling, calling for help. Holding the door for dear life as if it was going to save you, because in your head it was. But the door didn't last long.

A hole is quickly created in the door. You thought you'd see someone's face, wether it be a man, a woman, whatever. But you saw a white plastic mask instead.

Ghostface.

Why was a damn Ghostface chasing after you? Was it all a sick joke from the start ? You swear you were seeing his eyes boring into yours through the mask. You swore you already saw them somewhere. Ghostface tilts their face to the side, as if mocking you. They were telling you that you were stuck, that it was the end. You hoped they'd kill you.

You couldn't live like this anymore.

In the hole of the closet, Ghostface pass his gloved hand. The latter lay on your shaky face, on your cheek to be exact. You feel the fabric against your skin and think of biting his fingers off. No, you'll angry him. If he's going to kill you, that it be in the least painful way.

"Ethan, right ? Does he treat you so well you forgot about me?" his changed voice said. A weird and creepy robotic voice, one you knew you'd never forget.

You were moving your head left to right. You didn't know why. Probably to tell you didn't want to die, probably to avoid looking into his eyes. He laughs, sounding like a rumbling.

"Ending things right now would be such a waste."

No ! You thought you were finally free ! Why would he chases you down for so long without acting on it !? His gloved hand retract and the door slowly open in an acute creaking. The man is finally revealed before you. He was wearing the whole outfit, the big black robe and the hood.

"It was fun. I give you a gift to reward you for these beautiful screams."

And the knife.

He had a knife in hand. And it was tinged red. Something in you told you it was her. Suddenly, the red writings on your wall had a different meaning.

"I hope you like it, I worked extra hard for it."

Out of nowhere, Ghostface takes your hand, force it open, and lay in it something before forcing it closed. He laughs deeply. One of his hand pat your head mockingly before moving up.

"See you later." he said, swinging his knife in a playful manner.

You were absolutely paralyzed. You didn't know what happened. You stayed up without moving for whoever say how long. When your legs finally stopped shaking, you decided to look what the killer had gave you. Slowly opening your hand, your knee buckle and you fall to the ground crying silently at the sight of a nip of your friend's hair.

You curled up on yourself before completly laying down on the ground, tightening the hairs in your hand close to your heart. She was not here anymore. You wanted to fucking die.

Ever since, Ethan was forgotten. He had tried to call you so many times you had blocked his number. You spent the rest of the day crying in your hotel's room. You resented him. So hard. He didn't answer, he was the one calling and giving your position to a fucking criminal, to a murderer! And he didn't answer. He didn't help, like everyone else.

One day later, neighbors complained about a smell coming from an apartment. You didn't cry when they found your friend's dead body. You didn't cry when cops came to interrogate you. The caretaker having told them about you. Your eyes contained so much hatred in them when looking at him the cops had to let him leave to get him away from you. You didn't cry telling the cops how many times you went to see them to ask for help, nor how many times did they reject you. You didn't cry when they told you she was dead for at least a week, and that her boyfriend was missing. You had no tears left in you. It had simply ended you.

All your lies, every single one of them, destroyed. But you needed them. Of course you weren't talking to her by text, you never did. And fuck, you don't even want to know who was answering instead of her. It was so obvious how she never wanted to call, how she was never leaving her house. But the eye you saw at the peephole. The fucking eye...

You don't want to think about it.

Ethan tried to talk to you. He went to your hotel and found you. You didn't bother to move this time as you were done with your life. He fell to his knee and started begging and crying for your forgivness. Did you even love him ? Or were you, are you, just lonely ? Unfortunately, you decided to forgot the anger you had against him when you realized he was the only thing you had. Your only support. The only one knowing you were a victim. You spent the days crying in his arms.

"Shhh, shhh, I'm here, love. It's okay." he reassured you, again.

It was a routine, now. You'd sleep the days away and when you'd wake up, you'd find yourself crying inconsolably. Everything was your fault, you kept repeating in your head. She's fucking dead because of you.

You wanted to end it all but Ethan wanted you alive at every cost. He was brushing your hair, feeding, washing and changing you. You were a lifeless doll. Sometimes, his roomate would come and talk to you. Most of the times, you don't even realize he's talking to you, too lost in your thought to proceed his presence.

"It's okay, everything's okay."

Ethan hugs you firmly. Kissing your hairline. His t-shirt was damped. Your eyes were burning. Every time you closed them, the picture of your friend would come and haunt you, a new nightmare coming. You weren't able to think about something else anymore. But it was your fault. You put her in danger, you got her killed. It was you Ghostface wanted, not her. You got her killed.

"I want to leave..." you whispered in a voice so hoarse, so weak, it didn't sound like yours. His hand goes on the back of your head to pull you towards him.

"No, no my love. It's okay. I'll protect you. You won't be alone anymore." his leg goes over yours and crushes them to prevents you from moving.

Alone.

Have you ever been alone in your life ? No, he was here all along. He was watching you all along. You never were truly alone. He had your adress, your friend's adress, your number and even Ethan's name. No, he's always here. Lurking.

"Just... Stay with me, I'll protect you. Please, don't leave me." he begs.

He looked calm, surprisingly calm being given the situation. But you needed it, in a way. If he doesn't freak out, you don't need to. (you coudn't, even if you wanted to) He probably know what to do. It was too late for you but he could do something. Maybe. His behaviour was slightly comforting. It was dangerous, mostly for him. He probably didn't even know what he was doing, he probably didn't know what he was getting himself into, in fact.

But once, just for once, you wanted to be helped. You wanted someone to listen to your pleas. He was going to die, it was a fact. And yeah, maybe you were selfish, you were condamning him after all.

"I feel like I'm using you. Like I manipulated you. you say, mostly for your own conscience than for his safety.

-Use me, love. I don't care. Manipulate me, whatever. I swore I'd help you. And if I have to risk my life doing it, I'll do it. I love you. You don't know the things I'd do for you.

-Now, you're the one manipulating me...

It was true. He was forcing you to think you had a chance in getting out of this situation when you knew there were none.

-Oh baby, you have no idea how manipulative I can be to obtain what I want.

-If you say so." you whisper, drifting to sleep once again, knowing you'd wake up hours later in the same position, in the same problem and knowing you killed your friend.

[soufcakmistress]

new love on the near northside

A/N: haters that ruin the fun will get blessed out and blocked! find someone else to play with, tysm :) this is for all the sydcarmy truthers like me who’ve been in a spiral for two years

Pairing: Sydney Adamu x Carmen Berzatto

“All right chefs, we need to fire four prime ribs, two lobster risottos, and four cream puffs!”

“Yes, Chef!”

“Marcus, 86 the mascarpone for the cherry tart on 20!”

“Heard, chef!”

“Okay I need to see hands!”

The waitstaff gingerly grab the plated dishes from the final station, while Carmy is gently yet firmly reminding them not to smudge the plates as they’re being taken to their respective tables. Dinner service is in an awesome groove right now and Syd is feeling confident tonight. She’s still riding on a high from the last food critic that visited from the Chicago Tribune, who raved over her braised short rib and orzo pasta. There are also other reasons for Syd’s good mood.

“Open your legs, Syd..”

Syd shudders, takes three deep breaths and continues to fire off orders from the expo. The Bear has been packed almost every single night for three weeks. They don’t have much of a waitlist yet, but word of mouth moves quickly in Chicago and the front of house are noticing some repeat customers already.

Carmy joined Syd at the expo, and she can still pick up the scent of his cologne even in the midst of garlic, heavy cream and raw seafood. If she even peeks at him, she’ll lose her train of thought, and that’s the last thing the team needs right now. After having to let go of Josh after his unfortunate episode, her sous Tina has been pulling double time, covering both stations like a champ. She makes a mental note to give her an unbelievable gift and some love this weekend. “How are we doing, Chef? We cool?”

His eyes are so crystal clear and she recollects how he stares through her when they….oh fuck. “Yes, Chef. Runners are getting everything out in a timely manner, and we are turning these tables around. You?”

“Carmy, Carmy, yes—oh!”

Carmy licks and bites his lips and smirks. “Yes Chef. You’re the captain of this ship.” He squeezes her shoulder and goes back to his station as their boucher, Daniela checks in with Carmy about the fat trimmings for their beef.

Fak, Richie and Sweeps were holding down the front since Nat is on maternity leave. Carmy keeps a wallet size photo of his brand new nephew at his station, looking occasionally with a smile. Forty five more minutes before dinner service is over and Syd can finally go puke out back. “Chefs, we’re almost in the clear! Let’s keep up the momentum and sense of urgency!”

“Yes, Chef!”

Every dish is gorgeous. So many painstaking hours reworking the menu. Chaos menu, thoughtful chaos menu, back to chaos menu again. Reviewing and poring over Carmy’s intricate drawings, all the late night sessions, so much money spent on ingredients—it was enough to make Syd’s head spin. Hence why, almost a month since The Bear opened she’s still subsisting on a diet of Tums and Pepto.

She’s eternally grateful for her partners. Nat and Cicero have saved all their asses more times than they can count. Cicero is a hard ass but he adores Carmy and Sugar and has grown to love Syd as well. And of course, the best chef she’s ever had the privilege of working beside is her executive chef, business partner, best friend and now lover.

“Look at you. You’re so wet baby. Fuck—”

~

They’ve managed to keep their love affair under wraps for this long. It’s a struggle not to be able to touch each other when they’re working. Tina and Marcus are too perceptive; they would be found out immediately. Still, Sydney feels like a giddy school girl whenever Carmy corners her in the office as they open the restaurant every morning—both of his hands by her sides keeping her close. He’s so incredibly sexy without even trying and she still gets shy sometimes. He has to pull her chin from her shoulder and make her look at him.

“Don’t run away from me. You know I won’t let you..” And those ocean blue eyes of his again….and his lips are feather light on top of hers. Her knees are ready to buckle and Carmy sensed as much, so he pulls her close to the hardness of his chest and stomach to keep her standing.

She loves how his stubble feels on her chin and cheeks, especially when he drags his mouth down her jaw and lightly sucks on her neck. “Carm, Carm, Carm, oh my god, don’t! If they see me with a hickey when I didn’t have one yesterday, how do I explain that?” Her face is hurting, she’s cheesing so hard.

One hand slides up her chef whites, slipping under her camisole and his agile fingers pinch her nipple while his tongue circles her earlobe. Syd’s learned that Carmy is insatiable. For someone to not be as experienced as he claims—his hands, lips, tongue…always seem to go exactly where she needs them to. “I can’t help it, Chef. You’re just so damn beautiful.”

Syd’s hands roam all over his thick biceps and eventually land in the bushy mess atop his head. Their tongues lave and suck on each other’s and their moans can’t be held back any longer. Carmy pulls her leg up to his hip while he grips her braids, until he hears Marcus and Sweeps come through the back door. They separate quickly and get themselves together. Lusty gazes linger between them and they’re both aching between their legs. Carmy is as red as a beet, and Syd’s lips are swollen from his kisses and nipping. “Right, thank you chef.” Syd walks out first awkwardly with wobbly legs that make Carmy chuckle.

~

Dinner service is over—the kitchen has been scrubbed down, trash taken out, perishables have been stocked away in the lowboys and walk-in, and the back of house staff has skated out. It’s just Carmen and Sydney, in their brand new restaurant. “I’m beat. You got all your stuff right?”

Syd has an overnight bag with everything she needs for a weekend with her babe. “Yes, I do! Are you..ready to go?” Carmy grabs the weekend bag along with her hand and they walk in tandem to his car.

Carmy has been seeing a therapist in addition to the Al-anon meetings and Sydney can tell a difference already. He’s slower to rant and rave and owns up to his mistakes. More eager to hear people out. She’s proud of him—he’s suffered through a lot to make it to this point. They eventually arrive to his apartment and a shower is the first order of business. Syd loves the water pressure at Carmy’s place and taking showers together has been great for their newfound intimacy. They undress each other, Syd pulls her braids up in a high bun, and they just hold each other under the steaming water. This is their time. Away from The Bear. Away from Chicago. Away from the many demands and decisions they’re forced to confront every single day.

Carmy washes her with her pink loofah that’s been made a permanent staple in his bathroom. This is all new to Syd; her heart blooms in her chest at these big feelings she’s experiencing. He’s gentle and doesn’t leave an inch of skin untouched. Syd washes his hair with his expensive shampoo and Carmy’s eyes close in ecstasy. They needed this tenderness. They deserved it.

All cleaned up and fresh, they mosey back to the kitchen for a late night meal. Habits are hard to break. “Spaghetti?” Carmy suggests.

“Yes oh my goodness. Butttt use bucatini instead. And all the cheese.” He smiles in agreement and pecks her on the lips and gets out all the ingredients they need. Julia Child is on in the background on a public access channel, as they converse about the restaurant and Carmy’s nephew and Sydney’s dad and Carmy’s dysfunctional family, the deep loss Syd still feels at the absence of her mom for most of her life. More tenderness.

Pasta is rolled out. Meat sauce is sautéed, seasoned and almost ready. The Shiraz is poured. Carmy can’t stop staring at her in his shirt and boxers. She’s so cute. The pasta boils and he watches her watching the program, fully enthralled. Everything is finally done; he plates everything in his unique Carmy way and Syd audibly orgasms at how the savory flavors meld together especially with the wine.

He grates more pecorino over the pasta and the lull in conversation is comfortable and warm. Not awkward and full of anxiety like with Donna….leaving him constantly overthinking and being afraid to speak. Sydney seemingly knows what he’s going to say before he does and that brings him comfort. They’re in crystal clear alignment on every way and he now knows a semblance of peace.

“Fuck. This is good.” Sydney is damn near scraping the plate, while Carmy is smiling the biggest she’d ever seen from him. They both love when the other eats their food. That sense of pride is undeniable.

“I’m glad you enjoyed, Chef. Anything for you.” He winks at her and she gets bashful and mumbled out that she’s going to take care of the dishes since he cooked. To his surprise, he’s a little more tipsy than he realized from the Shiraz. Carmy drains his glass and pours himself another, while checking Syd’s frame out. His boxers are screaming for relief and a little moan eeks out of him before he can stop it. Thankfully Syd isn’t aware of his moment of weakness.

Carmy swallows and wipes his lips and moseys behind his girlfriend. Kissing and nipping. “I’m almost done here, Carm..” Syd whines a bit at his ministrations and drops the plate into the soapy water.

“Yeah. Not fast enough for me..” Carmy turns her around and leaps with his tongue and mouth first. Her hands are dripping wet but she doesn’t waste a second grabbing his head of wild curls and taking what he has to give. Carmy grabs her legs to wrap them around his waist and Syd can periodically feel him thrust up into her mound, wailing for stimulation that only he can provide.

Their shared affection overpowers the television, and Carmy feels his way down the hallway with his baby in his arms. His love, that saved him in so many ways. He pulls his shirt off, she takes hers off. She takes his boxers off that she had on and she lays on his bed, naked as the day she was born. “Fuck me, Carmen.”

She held in her amusement because his entire neck and face was blood red with the pupils of his eyes blown out. Syd knows that he’s doing everything he can to stay contained, but he knows her better by now—she does what she wants. So she spreads her legs for him and twirls her clit in tandem with a brown nipple. Carmy’s about to explode.

He drops to his knees and explores her love below like it’s never been done before. “Sydney, why do you taste so good? Why do you do this to me..” She relishes in the fact that he’s potentially bruising her with the vice grip he has on her thighs, but yet she’s so afraid that she’s gonna squirt in his face if he keeps gently sucking her clit in and out of his lips like that. His manicured fingers enter her canal one after the other and prompt her to let go. “CARMYYYYYYY!”

His whole chest is drenched, and his eyes are shut tight, his deft fingers rubbing tight circles around her clit with a precision that only an executive chef named Carmen Anthony Berzatto could deliver. Sydney pushed his head away and she’s left trembling with watery eyes. “I-I—i didn’t know I could do that!”

Carmy just smirks and wipes his mouth and drops his pants. Syd still can’t get over him. He has even more tattoos that can’t be readily seen on a day to day basis, he is so cut and muscled and has a cock that should be cast in 24 karat gold. Don’t sleep on the short kings.

“Turn around.” His voice leaves no room for pushback, and she can barely raise up on her knees before he’s manhandling her. He’s learned that he loves doggy with Syd. With her ass high in the air, she is getting impatient as well and reaches behind her to line him up with her slit. Carmy catches his lip in his teeth as he pushes forward and they both groan out a “fuck” that only they could wholly grasp.

On the first stroke, he’s all the way in and Syd fees his sack grazing over her entrance. They’re both in a trance. Carmy has visions of Syd cooking, smiling, cumming, revolving in his mind as well as the score of the last White Sox home game so he doesn’t bust his load quick. Syd can’t get the thought of how intense and sweet he gazes at her. How he commands their team, how his talent speaks for itself, how fucking sexy his jawline is, how big his heart is. How lucky is she? To fall in love with her idol, mentor, boss….and to have him love her back.

The bed is beginning to bounce off the wall. Their volume increases as Syd can’t hold herself up anymore and they fall into collapsed doggy with their fingers interlocked. “I’m so glad you found me. I love you Syd, I love you, I fucking—fucking love you baby!” That set Sydney off for the most expansive and overwhelming orgasm of the night, taking her beau with her over the edge. Carmy’s sweaty forehead lays on Sydney’s right temple—both of them with tears in their eyes.

Carmy kissed every finger tip until their mouths met again, both letting their waterlogged eyes flow free. “I know. I love you too Carmy. We’re never alone.”

“We’re never alone.”

[khensaptah]

Mystic Egyptian Polytheism Resource List

Because I wanted to do a little more digging into the philosophy elements explored in Mahmoud's book, I took the time tonight to pull together the recommended reading he listed toward the end of each chapter. The notes included are his own.

MEP discusses Pharaonic Egypt and Hellenistic Egypt, and thus some of these sources are relevant to Hellenic polytheists (hence me intruding in those tags)!

Note: extremely long text post under this read more.

What Are The Gods And The Myths?

ψ Jeremy Naydler’s Temple of the Cosmos: The Ancient Egyptian Experience of the Sacred is my top text recommendation for further exploration of this topic. It dives deep into how the ancients envisioned the gods and proposes how the various Egyptian cosmologies can be reconciled. ψ Jan Assmann’s Egyptian Solar Religion in the New Kingdom: Re, Amun and the Crisis of Polytheism focuses on New Kingdom theology by analyzing and comparing religious literature. Assmann fleshes out a kind of “monistic polytheism,” as well as a robust culture of personal piety that is reflected most prominently in the religious literature of this period. He shows how New Kingdom religious thought was an antecedent to concepts in Hermeticism and Neoplatonism. ψ Moustafa Gadalla’s Egyptian Divinities: The All Who Are The One provides a modern Egyptian analysis of the gods, including reviews of the most significant deities. Although Gadalla is not an academic, his insights and contributions as a native Egyptian Muslim with sympathies towards the ancient religion are valuable.

How to Think like an Egyptian

ψ Jan Assmann’s The Mind of Egypt: History and Meaning in the Time of the Pharaohs is my top text recommendation for further exploration of this topic. It illuminates Egyptian theology by exploring their ideals, values, mentalities, belief systems, and aspirations from the Old Kingdom period to the Ptolemaic period. ψ Garth Fowden’s The Egyptian Hermes: A Historical Approach to the Late Pagan Mind identifies the Egyptian character of religion and wisdom in late antiquity and provides a cultural and historical context to the Hermetica, a collection of Greco-Egyptian religious texts. ψ Christian Bull’s The Tradition of Hermes Trismegistus: The Egyptian Priestly Figure as a Teacher of Hellenized Wisdom provides a rich assessment of the Egyptian religious landscape at the end of widespread polytheism in Egypt and how it came to interact with and be codified in Greek schools of thought and their writings.

How To Think Like A Neoplatonist

Radek Chlup’s Proclus: An Introduction is my top text recommendation for further exploration of this topic. It addresses the Neoplatonic system of Proclus but gives an excellent overview of Neoplatonism generally. It contains many valuable graphics and charts that help illustrate the main ideas within Neoplatonism. ψ John Opsopaus’ The Secret Texts of Hellenic Polytheism: A Practical Guide to the Restored Pagan Religion of George Gemistos Plethon succinctly addresses several concepts in Neoplatonism from the point of view of Gemistos Plethon, a crypto-polytheist who lived during the final years of the Byzantine Empire. It provides insight into the practical application of Neoplatonism to ritual and religion. ψ Algis Uzdavinys’ Philosophy as a Rite of Rebirth: From Ancient Egypt to Neoplatonism draws connections between theological concepts and practices in Ancient Egypt to those represented in the writings and practices of the Neoplatonists.

What Is “Theurgy,” And How Do You Make A Prayer “Theurgical?”

ψ Jeffrey Kupperman’s Living Theurgy: A Course in Iamblichus’ Philosophy, Theology and Theurgy is my top text recommendation for further exploration of this topic. It is a practical guide on theurgy, complete with straightforward explanations of theurgical concepts and contemplative exercises for practice. ψ Gregory Shaw’s Theurgy and the Soul: The Neoplatonism of Iamblichus demonstrates how Iamblichus used religious ritual as the primary tool of the soul’s ascent towards God. He lays out how Iamblichus proposed using rites to achieve henosis. ψ Algis Uzdavinys’ Philosophy and Theurgy in Late Antiquity explores the various ways theurgy operated in the prime of its widespread usage. He focuses mainly on temple rites and how theurgy helped translate them into personal piety rituals.

What Is “Demiurgy,” And How Do I Do Devotional, “Demiurgical” Acts?

ψ Shannon Grimes’ Becoming Gold: Zosimos of Panopolis and the Alchemical Arts in Roman Egypt is my top text recommendation for further exploration of this topic. It constitutes an in-depth look at Zosimos—an Egyptian Hermetic priest, scribe, metallurgist, and alchemist. It explores alchemy (ancient chemistry and metallurgy) as material rites of the soul’s ascent. She shows how Zosimos believed that partaking in these practical arts produced divine realities and spiritual advancements. ψ Alison M. Robert’s Hathor’s Alchemy: The Ancient Egyptian Roots of the Hermetic Art delves deep temple inscriptions and corresponding religious literature from the Pharaonic period and demonstrates them as premises for alchemy. These texts “alchemize” the “body” of the temple, offering a model for the “alchemizing” of the self. ψ A.J. Arberry’s translation of Farid al-Din Attar’s Muslim Saints and Mystics: Episodes from the Tadhkirat al-Auliya contains a chapter on the Egyptian Sufi saint Dhul-Nun al-Misri (sometimes rendered as Dho‘l-Nun al-Mesri). He is regarded as an alchemist, thaumaturge, and master of Egyptian hieroglyphics. It contains apocryphal stories of his ascetic and mystic life as a way of “living demiurgically.” It is an insightful glimpse into how the Ancient Egyptian arts continued into new religious paradigms long after polytheism was no longer widespread in Egypt.

Further Reading

Contemporary Works Assmann, Jan. 1995. Egyptian Solar Religion in the New Kingdom: Re, Amun and the Crisis of Polytheism. Translated by Anthony Alcock. Kegan Paul International. Assmann, Jan. 2003. The Mind of Egypt: History and Meaning in the Time of the Pharaohs. Harvard University Press. Bull, Christian H. 2019. The Tradition of Hermes Trismegistus: The Egyptian Priestly Figure as a Teacher of Hellenized Wisdom. Brill. Chlup, Radek. 2012. Proclus: An Introduction. Cambridge University Press. Escolano-Poveda, Marina. 2008. The Egyptian Priests of the Graeco-Roman Period. Brill. Fowden, Garth. 1986. The Egyptian Hermes: A Historical Approach to the Late Pagan Mind. Cambridge University Press. Freke, Tim, and Peter Gandy. 2008. The Hermetica: The Lost Wisdom of the Pharaohs. Jeremy P. Tarcher/Penguin. Gadalla, Moustafa. 2001. Egyptian Divinities: The All Who Are The One. Tehuti Research Foundation. Grimes, Shannon. 2019. Becoming Gold: Zosimos of Panopolis and the Alchemical Arts in Roman Egypt. Princeton University Press. Jackson, Howard. 2017. “A New Proposal for the Origin of the Hermetic God Poimandres.” Aries: Journal for the Study of Western Esotericism 17 (2): 193-212. Kupperman, Jeffrey. 2014. Living Theurgy: A Course in Iamblichus’ Philosophy, Theology and Theurgy. Avalonia. Mierzwicki, Tony. 2011. Graeco-Egyptian Magick: Everyday Empowerment. Llewellyn Publications. Naydler, Jeremy. 1996. Temple of the Cosmos: The Ancient Egyptian Experience of the Sacred. Inner Traditions. Opsopaus, J. 2006. The Secret Texts of Hellenic Polytheism: A Practical Guide to the Restored Pagan Religion of George Gemistos Plethon. New York: Llewellyn Publications. Roberts, Alison M. 2019. Hathor’s Alchemy: The Ancient Egyptian Roots of the Hermetic Art. Northgate Publishers. Shaw, Gregory. 1995. Theurgy and the Soul: The Neoplatonism of Iamblichus. 2nd ed. Angelico Press. Snape, Steven. 2014. The Complete Cities of Ancient Egypt. Thames & Hudson. Uzdavinys, Algis. 1995. Philosophy and Theurgy in Late Antiquity. Wheaton, IL: Quest Books. Uzdavinys, Algis. 2008. Philosophy as a Rite of Rebirth: From Ancient Egypt to Neoplatonism. Lindisfarne Books. Wilkinson, Richard H. 2000. The Complete Temples of Ancient Egypt. Thames & Hudson.

Ancient Sources in Translation Attar, Farid al-Din. 1966. Muslim Saints and Mystics: Episodes from the Tadhkirat alAuliya. Translated by A.J. Arberry. London: Routledge & Kegan Paul. Betz, Hans Dieter. 1992. The Greek Magical Papyri in Translation, Including the Demotic Spells. Chicago: University of Chicago Press. Copenhaver, Brian P. 1995. Hermetica: The Greek Corpus Hermeticum and the Latin Asclepius in a New English Translation, with Notes and Introduction. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press. Guthrie, Kenneth. 1988. The Pythagorean Sourcebook and Library: An Anthology of Ancient Writings which Relate to Pythagoras and Pythagorean Philosophy. Grand Rapids, MI: Phanes Press. Iamblichus. 1988. The Theology of Arithmetic. Translated by Robin Waterfield. Grand Rapids, MI: Phanes Press. Iamblichus. 2003. Iamblichus: On the Mysteries. Translated by Clarke, E., Dillon, J. M., & Hershbell, J. P. Atlanta: Society of Biblical Literature. Iamblichus. 2008. The Life of Pythagoras (Abridged). Translated by Thomas Taylor. Whitefish, MT: Kessinger Publishing. Lichtheim, Miriam. 1973-1980. Ancient Egyptian Literature. Volumes I-III. Berkeley: University of California Press. Litwa, M. David. 2018. Hermetica II. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press. Majercik, Ruth. 1989. The Chaldean Oracles: Text, Translation, and Commentary. Leiden: Brill. Plato. 1997. Plato: Complete Works. Edited by John M. Cooper and D. S. Hutchinson. Indianapolis: Hackett Publishing. Plotinus. 1984-1988. The Enneads. Volumes 1-7. Translated by A.H. Armstrong. Cambridge, Massachusetts: Harvard University Press. Van der Horst, Pieter Willem. 1984. The Fragments of Chaeremon, Egyptian Priest and Stoic Philosopher. Leiden: E.J. Brill.

[jojo-schmo]

A Walk Down my Art Memory Lane!

Now that I’m thinking about my childhood Kirby art, I dug through my storage a bit and thought it’d be fun to share a few! Here are some of Baby Jojo’s drawings!

note: I was not active in any online Kirby art communities at the time and I never posted these anywhere so I made these drawings just for my own enjoyment hehehe.

These are probably among my earliest Kirby drawings. Most likely ~2008!! I must’ve been in fifth grade maybe…? The first picture is a very rare example of pre-2022 Dedede sightings in my art. Around 2010 I became embarrassed and frustrated about not being able to figure his shapes out. So I spent the next 12 years avoiding him at all costs and instead sticking to the safer things to draw, like nice round Bronto Burts or Waddle Dees. Who knew it would take me writing an entire comic about him in 2022 to finally learn to draw him in my style!! :P

The second picture speaks for itself lol. I was the girl who googled “maskless meta knight” back when we had no fancy 3D renderings of his face. Just edits of anime screenshots and fanart of him holding his mask/getting his mask stolen and looking at you with the biggest, pearliest, white eyes. JPEG artifacts littered these images like sprinkles on a cupcake. And I would giggle and squee with every one like the baby fangirl of Meta Knight I was. :3

This one was probably ~2009. Very ambitious piece for me at that age. I struggled with the perfect roundness of Kirby haha. I had just gotten these cool alphabet stencils and couldn’t wait to write “Kirby” everywhere with them. This was probably the complete catalogue of Kirby characters I had the ability to draw at that time. It’s funny to think about how Magolor wouldn’t exist for another two years when I drew this.

Hmm. Maybe I should redraw this one day as a fun honor for my younger self.

Triple Waddle Dees!! A rare but precious Sailor Dee sighting, and of course my sweet Bandana Dee. This was probably around 2011 after Return to Dreamland came out and I came to adore Bandee. :3

This is probably around 2012- some time after Mass Attack came out. I had this AU at the time where each of the 10 Kirbies from Mass Attack had their own personality trait from the original Kirby, and a permanent copy ability assigned to them. Hence the Spark Kirby having wings and a halo like in the game- where you get damaged and have to rescue the poor Angel Kirbies before you lose that life!

Also my Poppy Bro Jr OC that I don’t think I named at the time- but I redrew him recently and named him Allegro the Poppy Bro. I loved drawing his hair and his funny teeth :D

Finally, I redrew just a few of the characters from my old drawings tonight. Just doodling for fun, nothing serious. But it’s something my child self would be happy to know I could do.

Guess I’d better draw all the Dededes that Baby Jojo missed out on drawing!! Thank you to anyone who read to this point. I encourage anyone to draw things that would make their younger, baby self proud of you. ….even though I bet they already are proud of you. <3

Remember, as long as you keep drawing, you’ll improve at your pace! Just keep at it! You’ll notice that difference over the years!

[newpathwrites]

Arms Wide Open - Chapter 2

Din should refuse.  He was going to refuse.  How would he keep himself from looking like a fool over an entire evening with you?  And then there was the issue of the helmet…

While he was busy formulating a response to let you down easy, Grogu took the decision out of his hands, jumping directly into your arms without warning and nodding vigorously in the affirmative.

Series Masterlist Main Masterlist

Summary: An enjoyable evening gives way to a surprise.

Notes: All of my stories have some ace and aro spectrum representation, and while it won’t be a primary focus of this story, those who follow my writing for this reason should know Din is meant to be greysexual/greyromantic in this story.  He’s clearly experiencing an immediate attraction to this person, and it’s surprising him a lot because he hasn’t felt that draw very often in his life.  Hence my favorite - awkward Din.

Warnings: Some mildly spicy inner monologue.

Word count: 1.5k

Read on AO3

________________________________________

You exited the shop feeling light, maybe even a bit giddy.  It had been a long time since you’d found yourself in such a girlish state.

Your mind was filled with questions. 

Of course you wondered why a Mandalorian was residing in Nevarro given the recent news that Mandalore had been reclaimed, how he came to garner such respect from the locals, and by what circumstances he became caretaker to such an unusual child…

But more importantly - 

How old was he?  What did he look like?  And was he single?

You’d have to ask one of your coworkers tomorrow what they knew about him - make sure he was neither some young buck nor an elderly man under there… and definitively unattached… before you considered getting to know him with certain intentions in mind.

But as fate would have it, interrogating your colleagues would be unnecessary.

“Flora?”

Oh, that voice.  You’d be dreaming about it tonight.

You whirled around to face the subject of your musings and his tiny ward, trying hard to keep the delighted smile from your face.  Maybe he felt it, too.

“Yes?”

He stood awkwardly, fumbling with his posture as he stumbled a bit with his words, but regardless, he was absolutely resplendent, the Nevarro sunset reflecting beautifully off of his armor.  And the physique which was more obvious as he stood just before you… wow…

“Well, uhhh… Grogu… and I…  If you’re not in a rush, we’d love… uhmmm… like… to show you around…”

Oh, you could sense it clearly now.  He liked you, too.

You’d never felt that you were much to look at, especially as the fine lines settled around your eyes and grays peppered your hair.  But this man was drawn to something about you, nonetheless… and you were not going to turn him down.

You smiled broadly.

“I would love that.”

—-------------------------------------

Din relaxed quite a bit as you walked around the town center together.  He was definitely in his element here.

While he focused more on the practical, showing you where to purchase all of the basic necessities and find the public facilities, Grogu was on a mission to introduce you to the best dining and sweet treats.  He toddled in front of you, pointing you toward each destination as you followed behind, feigning excitement at each and every one.

Din finally turned to you as you slowly meandered toward the open-air cafe under Grogu’s guidance to engage in real conversation.  “Thank you for humoring him,” he said sincerely.  “He’s having the time of his life right now.  I’m not nearly so patient.”

“Oh, it’s my pleasure,” you replied.  “He’s a very sweet child… though I think that blue cookie is probably melting in my pocket.”

Din huffed.  “Sorry about that.  It does wash out - don’t ask me how I know…”

“I can only imagine,” you responded lightly.

“Best if you don’t...” he deadpanned.

You laughed out loud at that, and Din thought it might be the most beautiful sound he’d ever heard.

Nobody ever thought his dry humor was actually funny.  How were you so different?

“Hey,” you said, knocking his shoulder with your own.  “I still feel like I owe you.  Could I cook you dinner?  I love cooking, and opportunities to make a meal for friends are far and few between these days.”

Din should refuse.  He was going to refuse.  How would he keep himself from looking like a fool over an entire evening with you?  And then there was the issue of the helmet…

While he was busy formulating a response to let you down easy, Grogu took the decision out of his hands, jumping directly into your arms without warning and nodding vigorously in the affirmative.

And once Din heard your joyous laugh in response, he couldn’t imagine saying ‘no’.

It didn’t even register that you’d just witnessed Grogu’s force jump…

—---------------------------

In the end, you’d all made your way to Din’s cabin, which was in relatively close proximity to your own, as you remembered that you’d not yet unpacked most of your dishes and utensils.

His place was remarkably modest and simple, though he’d clearly put in an effort to provide the comforts needed for a child.  Grogu’s artwork decorated many of the walls, and you spied a few toys and other knick-knacks on the porch and in the living area.

Din had admitted apologetically as you looked through his meager kitchen cabinets that he wasn’t much of a cook and had a bare minimum of supplies at the ready.

“Not to worry, Din,” you’d reassured him, with a hand to his shoulder.  Gosh, you touched him so easily.  “I can still put together something decent, I’m sure.  And I can teach you a few things, too… if you want…”

Your offer may have been a mistake - except no, it definitely was not.  You nearly died when he came to stand beside you, peeling off his gloves and washing his hands in the kitchen sink.  Gods, what would happen if you ever saw the rest of him?

I’m a grown woman, you reminded yourself as you regained some of your composure, and I can handle a man’s attractive hands.

All in all, it went very well.  Din was so earnest in his desire to learn, probably to provide his child with more satisfying food options, that you couldn’t help but admire his effort even as he fumbled through much of what you were trying to teach him.  It was rather endearing, honestly.

And he finally, truly relaxed, falling into comfortable conversation as you worked.

He told you about his recent involvement in the retaking of Mandalore, why he was here and not there, and about his under-the-radar work with the New Republic, an endeavor at its root meant to serve his good friend and leader of his planet, none other than the Mandalorian princess, Bo-Katan Kryze.  

Maker, this man had a galactic presence - and here you were standing in his kitchen with his child hanging off your leg teaching him how to season grains.

You told him about your own decidely less exciting adventures in agricultural science, too.  For several years, you’d been an academic, teaching and doing research at several of the core universities after earning your doctorate.  But you had longed to be back in the field, doing the hands-on work, and that’s how you found yourself here in Nevarro, leading Greef Karga’s new initiative to promote homegrown agriculture on the arid planet.

Holy kriff, Din thought.  She may be too smart for me.

—-------------------------------------

You waited with baited breath for the moment Din would take off the helmet as you all sat down at the table to eat.  You were dying to know what he looked like.  Thank the Maker you’d been blessed with patience.

Din hesitated for just a breath with one hand grasping the lower edge, like he was thinking it through, before lifting the helmet only just past his chin to take a bite. 

What?

Grogu seemed unbothered - this was apparently typical mealtime behavior.  

Was the helmet a whole thing?  Was he not allowed to remove it?  Hmmm… you’d have to do some research about Mandalorian customs.

No matter - you didn’t really care how he looked.  And anyway, the stubbly beard you’d glimpsed was patched with gray, confirming at least that he was probably age-appropriate.  That was enough for now. 

You pushed those thoughts out of your mind and enjoyed your meal, keeping your eyes averted as much as you could to respect this boundary, even if it didn’t make any sense.

—-------------------------------------

Din noticed right away what you were doing - and it fostered a strange, contradictory feeling.  

He sort of wanted you to look - to see as much of him as he could allow you.  But at the same time… Stars, he was much more comfortable that you weren’t… and it was so much easier to relax and enjoy this very unexpected turn of events knowing that you had some inherent degree of respect for his creed.

In fact, he couldn’t remember such an enjoyable evening as this in the recent… or distant… past.  He could get used to it - but that was definitely putting the cart before the fathier.  Regardless, he really liked you, and it had been a very long time since he’d felt this kind of warm draw toward another person.

But an unexpected turn threatened to pop the little bubble of blissful companionship you’d fostered over the last few hours.

“Oh, what’s this?’

Din watched in slow motion as you noticed the metal gear knob that had been resting on the floor beside your chair and reached down to take it in your hand.  

Turning toward Grogu in no small amount of panic, he meant to warn him not to do the thing he was certainly about to do… right in front of you - a kind stranger… but a stranger still nonetheless.

But it was too late.

The knob flew out of your hand directly into that of his small son’s.

A collective gasp echoed around the table - Grogu as he realized his error, Din in abject panic, and you in delighted wonder.

Din couldn’t breath - this was all going to be over before it had even begun.  And what if you weren’t who you said you were?  

And then your mouth turned up into a smile.  

“I knew it…”

And the knob flew back into your outstretched hand.

—-------------------------------------

Next chapter

[aeviterncl]

OPEN STARTER

Who would've thought reading the assigned textbook for this class would be so much harder than the ones for his other classes? It was one thing to need a magnifying glass to have a chance at reading a normal textbook, but this book was closer to a novel printed in a small size—which made it just that much harder to read. Ugh, this all really sucked! How could he write up this assignment in time when the tool that would help him make sense of this nonsense drawing was back home and when the assignment was due within the next few hours? Rubbing his eyes, Xander tried to focus on the tiny text on the page, but the light in the library was absolutely bothering him.

It hurt like hell, actually. His head hurt too. Taking a moment to pinch the bridge of his nose, the redhead redirected his thoughts away from the throbbing ache in his skull. He had to finish this assignment tonight.

As much as he would stay in his dorm room, he couldn't read properly in dim lighting either, hence why he was even here to read in the first place (and the library helped him focus on his work better too). The redhead had hoped there would be an large print version of his book here, but he had no such luck when asking the librarian about it. So, here he was—stuck without a reasonable excuse for not completing his assignment on time, the word document on the laptop sitting in front of him mostly typed up but still missing the key components that required analyzing components of the text he couldn't magnify properly with the tools he had brought with him to college.

Glancing over at the person sitting beside him, Xander decided to enlist some help. He knew this was breaking the unspoken rules of not bothering people who were studying, but what else could he do at this point when even going back to his dorm room wouldn't change much of anything? Reaching out hesitantly, the boy gently tapped on the person's shoulder, hoping this person would be nice.

In a quiet voice, he tried to explain himself, ❝ Um, sorry to bother you but... do you mind helping me read this? The drawing is way too tiny for me to read. ❞ The redhead held out the book to the page he was stuck on—one with a chemical compound drawings and tiny letters and numbers that he needed to reference, ❝ or if you could draw it larger on a sheet of paper...? ❞

[thelampisaflashlight]

Everything Goes On Pt. 6

[Ritual night preparations. Not suitable for younger audiences. Previous part here.] Below the cut.

The shift in the air is palpable as the raging sun of summer draws ever closer to the cloudy gloom of fall.

Not yet here, though already on the minds of so many.

Mountain can feel the shift in his bones, bonded to the Earth as he is, but as he looks to the heavens, he cannot but feel a great sense of unease.

The sky is overcast, heavy storm clouds move at a snail's pace overhead.

An ill omen for a night already destined to be touched by the light of a rare blue moon.

Worse yet...

Mountain watches as the siblings gather for mass, their usual uniforms or casual clothes cast aside in favor of the traditional robes of their forbearers.

...there is to be a summoning tonight.

Turning his gaze to the lake, barely a puddle in his vision, he can already see the groundskeepers placing the lanterns to mark the path to the sunken chapel.

Three ghouls stand guard as they work, wearing the silver masks of a now bygone era, sentinels sent by Sister Imperator to ensure no ill business takes place on this most sacred of occasions.

The guards eye him from a distance, one of them, a smaller, slighter figure than the rest, swishes their tail -a threatening crackle of green energy sparking from the spade- at him irritably, and all Mountain can do is hold up his hands and return to his own duties to show he isn't a threat.

"Everyone's so worked up today..." Swiss comments, striding out of the courtyard holding a rake and a compost bag full of dead leaves, "What do I do with these, big guy?"

Mountain gestures towards a small pile between the greenhouses.

"It's because of the summoning tonight."

"I almost forgot about that." Swiss hums, tossing the bag, "I guess since Sunny's summoning was the only one I've ever gone to, I didn't think, ya know, it was a big deal?"

"Sunny's summoning was kind of an outlier, since it was not safe for the clergy to attend en masse." Mountain says, "Tonight's summoning is also special, because we not only have to contend with the weather, but the moon as well... Papa has already ordered several members of the clergy into seclusion to avoid, uh, unwanted side effects."

"What's the moon got to do with it?" Swiss asks, coming back to stand beside Mountain, looking out over the valley.

"You can't feel it?" Mountain questions, placing a hand over the middle of his chest, "Here?"

"Nope, aside from how warm your hand is." Swiss shakes his head, "I mean, I am half human, so it's probably another one of those things that doesn't affect me the same way it does you guys."

"I suppose so." Mountain nods, "But, to explain it a bit, the moon tugs."

"Tugs?"

"It pulls at us like the tides. Water ghouls are especially effected by it, hence why they make themselves scarce during the full moon, as do members of the clergy afflicted with moon based curses such as lycanthropy." he says, "Hence why Rain isn't able to attend the summoning tonight."

"Cause he'll go feral or something?" Swiss asks.

Mountain thinks back to earlier this morning when he'd encountered the ghoul in question rolling around in a pile of spilled laundry when he came to retrieve his clothes from the dryer, thoroughly out of his gourd, tail slapping on the ground like a pleased puppy.

"...Yes... feral..."

Swiss blinks at him.

"What about Dew? Since he's a hybrid?"

"Dew has a remarkably firm grasp on his water side, so he'll still be in attendance." Mountain says, "He'd likely have to attend in some capacity regardless though."

"Why's that?"

Mountain stares down at Swiss.

"What? What, is there something on my face?" the multi-ghoul questions, patting his cheeks.

"...You really don't know?"

"Know what??"

"Satanas... Well, I won't ruin the surprise."

.

.

.

"Ugh, these robes are so fucking heavy..." Dew grimaces, readjusting his vestments for a third time, "This is such a pain in the ass..."

"You do not get to complain." Copia sighs, coating his face in powder, "Mine are twice as heavy, and I don't have any of your unnatural ghoulish strength to help carry the weight."

Dew's tail swishes trapped between two layers of fabric.

"If I knew becoming a bishop would mean wearing so much clothing, I wouldn't have studied so hard."

"You had your entire deaconship and stint as a priest to consider that, now didn't you?" Copia points out, "Having to dress the part of your role only happens once in a..."

"Don't."

"Once in a blue moon." he chuckles, eliciting a groan from the already agitated ghoul, "Ah, lighten up, once the ceremony is over, you can go back to wearing what you want or nothing at all. Hell, you could even strip naked as soon as the rites are done, but, for now, you need to look presentable for the clergy."

"Half the siblings have seen my bare ass-"

"Sister will be in attendance tonight." Copia says, eyeing him from the mirror, laughing once more seeing the ghoul's conflicted expression.

"-which I will keep covered at all times this evening."

"Very good."

Copia stands back to admire his handiwork, checking his make-up for imperfections, "...Ghoul?"

"Yes, Papa?"

"I've been meaning to ask... How have you been since your packmates' departures?"

Dew clicks his tongue.

"I miss Sunny, it was fun having her around while it lasted." he says, "But I know you're not really asking about her."

"Things are still... complicated." he continues, "But Aether is the furthest thing from my mind tonight."

"That is... good." Copia says, "There's a high likelihood that something may go array during tonight's ritual, so I need you focused to ensure that if things do get out of hand, we can put a stop to it as quickly as possible."

"Yes, Papa."

.

.

.

Cirrus sits in her room getting ready for the evening, she doesn't really need to get too dressed up for the event, after all she'll be sitting amongst the siblings along with the rest of the ghouls.

...Save for Cumulus and Dewdrop that is.

And maybe that's why she's putting the extra effort in to look nice even though it will be impossible to really pick her out of the crowd, it's more so for after the rites are spoken.

After Cumulus is freed of her obligations as a sister of sin and they can fuck off while the actual summoning takes place to have a little fun.

At least, that had been the plan...

"Since Aether left, I have to stay as a witness." the smaller ghoulette had informed Cirrus earlier during breakfast, "You know how it is..."

"I don't, actually." Cirrus had grumbled around her pancakes, "You don't tell me anything about your duties as a sister, or why it's so different from being, I dunno, like the rest of us."

"I have though, Cir, I explained what my role is when I took my oath." Cumulus had frowned, patting her hand, "This is one of my duties as a sister, to attend these summonings and bless the new ghouls in the name of the lord below."

"Yeah, but why does it have to be you?" Cirrus groused, letting her fork drop onto her plate.

"I was requested personally, and you have to understand what an honor it is to be chosen for something like this..." Cumulus said, "I'll be standing beside Papa..."

"We hang out with Copia all the time, Lus, it's not that special."

"...Well it is to me." Cumulus whispered, "Plus, Dew could use the support right now. You know him and Aeth-"

"Oh, so it was Dew who asked." she'd scoffed, "Of course it was."

"Cir... what's that supposed to mean?"

"Ever since Aether left, you've been babying Dew." Cirrus hissed, "You even disagreed with me when I said our relationship wasn't like theirs, but it's not. You and I have been together since the pit, those two were just fucking around the way humans do, it wasn't even serious!"

"Wasn't even... Cir, they were engaged!"

"Engaged, but not bonded!"

"Cir..."

Cirrus looks at herself in the small vanity atop her dresser and frowns.

"It's not the same." she tells herself, "Our relationship isn't..."

"Dew could use the support right now."

Cirrus grabs her mascara and uncaps it.

"I hope he fucking trips and falls in his stupid robes tonight..."