#hes a real cowboy who fucks real girls... and what does it get him lol

[cheekedupwhiteboy]

All the Pretty Horses vs Equus

[munsonsfairy]

cowboy cowboy 🍒🥧🤎

ib layout: @beforeimdeceased

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ sfw

ꕥ cowboy!eddie who sees you pulled over to the side of the road looking into the hood of your old truck. he sees you standing in front of it with no clue of what is wrong.

ꕥ cowboy!eddie who’s voice is sweet and warm like apple pie. his dimples have you giggling like a high school girl.

ꕥ cowboy!eddie who refuses to take your money after fixing your truck, but does say, “i think a home cooked meal will do the trick, sweet girl.”

ꕥ cowboy!eddie who shows up to your door in white shirt and blue jeans that hug his legs in all the right places. he has a bouquet of wildflowers wrapped in newspaper and you swear you could kiss him.

ꕥ cowboy!eddie who could instantly melt seeing you in an apron with a floral dress underneath. the porch light shines the color of your eyes just right and he wishes he could stare at them forever.

ꕥ cowboy!eddie who blushes when you pull him into a hug giving him a chance to smell your perfume.

ꕥ cowboy!eddie who sits at the table and watches you do your things in the kitchen. you’re babbling about your job at the local nursery and he can’t help but admire how animated you get while talking.

ꕥ cowboy!eddie who wishes he kissed you that night after dinner, but he promises himself next time.

ꕥ cowboy!eddie who talks real slow ‘cause his uncle is in the other sleeping before work.

ꕥ cowboy!eddie who takes you driving through the backroads. you’re sitting shotgun with your hair undone in the front seat of his truck.

ꕥ cowboy!eddie who lays with you in the back of his chevy truck to look up at the stars. when he looks up, he just stares at you with love and whispers, “the way your eyes shine puts these indiana stars to shame.”

ꕥ cowboy!eddie who promises to build you the life you dream of. he probably can’t buy it but he will try his hardest to give you everything you deserve.

ꕥ cowboy!eddie who kisses you that night under the stars. it’s passionate and breathless. his rough hands hold you close to him as if he’s scared you’ll disappear.

ꕥ cowboy!eddie who’s favorite thing to do after a long day is sit on the porch swing with you cuddled into his chest. he will sometimes smoke a cigarette or sip on some warm honey tea you made. (it’s usually the tea lol).

ꕥ cowboy!eddie who stopped his truck during a tim mcgraw song and dragged you in front of the headlights just to slow dance. your head laid on his chest and it suddenly felt like home.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ nsfw

ꕥ cowboy!eddie who has you pinned down in the back of his truck. his mouth leaves sloppy kisses on your neck while he thrusts deep inside you.

ꕥ cowboy!eddie who whimpers when you pull his hair while his tongue laps around your clit. his rough fingers fill up your hole having you cry tears of pleasure.

ꕥ cowboy!eddie who makes you rub yourself against his bulge when you give him an attitude. he sits back smoking a cigarette while you cry and leave marks all over him — begging him to have his way with you.

ꕥ cowboy!eddie who ties you up in the barn and has his way with you when he needs a break from working. the warm breeze hardens your nipples making eddie lose his mind.

ꕥ cowboy!eddie who is the sweetest man ever to your parents only to have you bent over the sink while you’re washing dishes. you see his reflection in the window with his shirt unbuttoned and sweat dripping down his chest.

ꕥ cowboy!eddie who wants to make you barefoot and pregnant so always finds a chance to fill you up. loves to watch his cum leak out of your abused pussy then uses two fingers to fuck it back inside. doing this only makes him hard again, “gotta make sure it stays inside sweet girl.”

ꕥ cowboy!eddie who watches you from across the ranch. you’re wearing your a cami with your panties — his favorite too. he has his hands on his hips with a smirk on his lips. you’re “watering the flowers,” but he knows damn well what you’re doing. “saw you lookin’ so cute from other there. think i don’t know what what you’re doing?”

ꕥ cowboy!eddie who isn’t giving you enough attention so you lay in his truck with nothing on. he hears your whimpering along with your wet pussy being fucked by your dildo. he’ll stand in front of the door and lean in making his muscles more prominent only sending you over the edge. eddie eddie eddie is all he hears. he licks his lips when he sees you cum all around the toy.

ꕥ cowboy!eddie who sits you at the edge of the tailgate with your legs wide open for him. your fingers are buried in his head of curls. his hand reaches up for your tits when his tongue flicks your clit. when you try to hide your moans, he squeezes your cheeks open with his rough hand then slaps you. “next time it’ll be harder if you don’t let me hear those pretty noises.”

[nattinatalia]

Urban Wyatt x Harlow Sister Instagram AU

A/N : I don’t know how to feel about this one but it’s been sitting in my drafts so enjoy.

Liked by yourusername, cozane, jackharlow, and 7,986,345 others

urbanwyatt I just “pranked” my girl and I might need a place to sleep at.

View all 1,200 comments

jackharlow The face of realization that you fucked up 🤣🤣🤣🤣

claybornharlow Oh god, what did you do now?

urbanwyatt I sang some of the songs she usually listens to when she’s drinking or cleaning.

yourusername Now don’t make me out to be crazy. You were singing those songs for a lost love or something because they most definitely weren’t for me.

urbanwyatt Wait then why do YOU sing them with so much passion? WHO ARE YOU MISSING?????

jackharlow 💀 ohhhh How the roles have been reversed

yourusername Jack shut up 🙄

druski Answer the man baby Harlow, what love got away that you sing them songs with so much heartbreak?

yourusername I’m not even mad anymore 🤷🏻‍♀️ so why are we discussing this subject???

urbanwyatt 🙄

•

Liked by urbanwyatt, pesopluma, jackharlow, cozane, selenosunni, and 8,667,345 others

yourusername When you overhear your boyfriend tell his boys he used to love blonde hair on girls, I said bet🥴🫡

View all 1,300 comments

urbanwyatt 🤤 😋

urbanwyatt I love your black hair though baby!!!!!!

druski Where did you get that wig from?

yourusername Why you want some hair???

druski No because you should sue, they did you wrong sis

shloob 💀💀💀💀

yourusername You are such a hater 🙄

neelamthadhani real life Barbie 💗

urbanwyatt She’s more of a Bratz but let’s give her the title Barbie for now.

•

Liked by urbanwyatt, selenosunni, cozane, neelamthadhani, and 8,577,866 others

yourusername Looking for a cowboy to ride 🤠 🐴

View all 1,800 comments

cozane Suddenly I’m a cowboy 😏

selenosunni x2

yourusername OHHH??? 👀

urbanwyatt EXCUSE ME?????

druski I’ll be your cowboy, come on over and ride me all day!!!!!!!

urbanwyatt YO WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK????

claybornharlow Y/N you’re annoying, I can see you laughing from across the room.

jackharlow 🙄

yourusername Damn y’all losers couldn’t go along with the joke???

cozane Your brothers are the annoying ones, I tried my best.

druski Whose joking? I was being serious, I’ll be your cowboy anytime of the day 🤪

urbanwyatt Only if you’re trying to get your ass beat

•

Liked by yourusername, jackharlow, selenosunni, cozane, 2forwoyne, and 8,567,345 others

urbanwyatt Kicking balls and leg modeling should’ve been my calling.

View all 1,500 comments

yourusername HELLLOOOOO

yourusername GODDAMN

yourusername 👁️🫦👁️

yourusername THAT’S MY MAN!!!!!!!

yourusername I WANT TO HAVE YOUR BABIES!!!!!!!

yourusername Not really- not yet at least but I’ll let you cum down my throat for now!!!!!!

nemoachida Was this before or after y’all came out of the locker room?

yourusername Mind your business!

urbanwyattupdates Are we just going to ignore yn thirsting over her man on the comments ?

yourusername We’re not ignoring anything, it’s nothing new lol I always thirst over my sexy ass man.

urbanwyatt 🤭🤭🤭

user He’s definitely ignoring it because he’s done with her. She does too much.

yourusername I was put into this world to do just that!!!! Too much!!!!

user Yeah and your birth parents didn’t even want you so that says a lot about you.

jackharlow DAFUQ????

urbanwyatt I know you’re not being brave behind a screen. Say that shit to my face, don’t be asking for pictures or anything no more.

claybornharlow isn’t this the he guy who was yelling your name and y/n at the kickball game? Lmaoooo he was desperate for a picture and a video.

mamamaggie I love my son’s true fans, the ones who are respectful and show love to not only him, but to my family as well. But what I’m not about to do is sit and watch how some of you love to attack my daughter- because that’s what she is, SHE IS MY DAUGHTER!!! None of you know the situation, so don’t speak on something you know nothing about. I will throw hands down when it comes to my children.

druski Yall done brought out the hood from white lady

yourusername I WILL FUCK YOU UP! Leave my momma alone!

•

Liked by jackharlow, urbanwyatt, claybornharlow, selenosunni, cozane, and 8,457,345 others

yourusername MY BOYS FOR LIFE 💗 *& before y’all start, clayborn included, he just doesn’t like to take pictures.*

View all 2,400 comments

claybornharlow I was about to unlike super fast until I finished reading the entire caption.

yourusername See, this is how drama starts!!!!

urbanwyatt 😘😘

jackharlow 💜

user girl I think it’s time to give it up, they don’t even care about you

yourusername Oh no 😢

user Im so sorry to be the one to tell you but they really don’t give a fuck about you. They feel sorry for you.

yourusername Damn, they told you all of this? 💀

user bitch I was trying to be nice to you

yourusername You call that being nice? 😩😩 don’t worry about me babes.

user2 Serious question though, does urban and everyone else in the circle put up with you because you’re jacks “sister” or because they feel bad for you?

yourusername Nah, they put up with me because I give all of them head.

user2 Who do you fuck first and who goes last.

yourusername We have a schedule, like today your dad is on my list.

user3 The way I see it is that you sleep with BOTH Jack and urban

yourusername I know that’s what YOU wish you’d be able to accomplish, but I’m sorry to burst your delusional bubble. Plus, this isn’t Alabama.

user4 Is Jack really your brother?

yourusername No, he’s my son 🙄

user5 I heard Urban is cheating on you. What are you gonna do about it.

yourusername Well I was about to let him deep down my throat right now, but I think I’ll let him fuck me instead- wait…. Am I supposed to leave him???? I’m confused.

druski I HAD TO MAKE SOME POPCORN AND ENJOY YOU CLAPPING BACK AT THESE LOSERS.

yourusername Oh I had time today 😈

•

Liked by yourusername, brysontiller, cozane, neelamthadhani, selenosunni, and 8,566,344 others

urbanwyatt She’s my fucking soulmate ❤️‍🔥

View all 2,300 comments

yourusername 🥹 My baby boy 😘

cozane user1, 2, 3 & 4 punching air right now

urbanwyatt lmao 🤣

selenosunni Sharing is caring 👀

urbanwyatt Not when it comes to her.

cozane 🧐🧐🧐🧐

jackharlow Don’t start

neelamthadhani Damn the girlies popping out

yourusername They wanted to come out and play.

urbanwyatt I love it when I get to play with them- I mean when they come out to play.

neelamthadhani Na I know exactly what you mean you dirty man

yourusername 😅😅😅😅

druski 🫦 can I get her number?

urbanwyatt NO

druski it’s okay I’ll slide into her dms

urbanwyatt You’re blocked.

druski What? Since when? Why did she block me?

urbanwyatt when you decided to send her a video of yourself scrolling through her pictures and zooming in on her.

druski That’s why she blocked me? I was admiring her beauty

urbanwyatt I blocked you from sending her messages.

druski well that’s rude, I guess I’ll have to see her in person and ask for her number.

urbanwyatt You’re annoying, you already have her number idiot.

druski I lost it

yourusername Damn, you lost my number? And you claim to be the love of my life. I’m heartbroken 💔

druski I just want ONE night, I can’t be stuck with you forever because you’re crazy.

urbanwyatt That’s okay bro, I’ll take her from you.

urbanwyattsource Haters are mighty quiet under this post. They had a lot to say under hers.

yourusername LMAAAOOOO because they don’t want to get blocked by him.

urbanwyatt They been blocked, I may stay silent from time to time but when it comes to my girl, I don’t play.

yourusername 🌽 💦 every time he calls me HIS GIRL 🥵🥵🥵🥵 likeee yessssuhhh zadddyyyyyy come choke me.

claybornharlow Here your ass goes 🤦🏼‍♂️

urbanwyatt 🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪

jackharlow ONE DAY JUST ONE DAY WHEN YOU TWO ACT RIGHT PLEASE 🙄

mamamaggie You know well enough that, that’s never going to happen. They were made for each other and they will forever be.

urbanwyatt Mama gets it

••••••••••

TAG LIST

@heavyhitterheaux @harlowsbby @arination99 @cmalass @jackharloww @minkookie95 @deannaard @jacksmoviestar @harlowcomehome @fdl305 @httpkoylinnn @xoxokiaraaxoxo @hoodharlow @automaticpeachsong @amethyst09 @aliciacat20 @allyson15 @gabbylovesreading @stefansalvatoresgf @violetdreamsworld @carma-fanficaddict @jasminxts @itsaaliyah2 @itsyagirljaz @harrycanyonmoonn @neon-lights-and-glitter @awhore4moree @toocriticalharlow @thefemalestorywriter @lightsoutstyles @violetslays818

[oneforthemunny]

evieeeee i’m not sure if this has been asked before but i was just curious — how would the different eddies react to reader dropping the L bomb first, and who among them do you think would actually drop it first? ahhh sorry i’m just in a fluffy and silly mood <333

ooh ok let me think.

edited bc no fucking way i forgot rockstar!eddie

for the eddies who would say i love you first:

modern!eddie says it balls deep inside of you bc that's who he is. also very early on. just can't help it. he's sure he's found his soulmate after the first date and it just comes out when he's fucking you.

bouncer!eddie too. i feel like he'd be a little drunk, a little flirty, and you say something that makes him giggle and he's just like "i fuckin' love you" "what?" "nothing..." he didn't mean to say it really, not them anyways, but he can't help that he did.

mafia!eddie is definitely saying it first, though i feel his is in the heat of a fight or a tense moment. maybe something similar to the fight in the struggles we face. where you're mad he's always just missing stuff and doesn't tell you and you get scared. maybe a retaliation where you ignore him and it goes wrong. heat of the fight, he just blurts out, "i care where you're fucking at because i want to keep you safe. i love you and i want you to be safe."

hockey!eddie says it first. literally just nonchalantly one day is like "no i love you so much" and it's kinda shocking but also very on brand for him and very sweet.

i mentioned boxer!eddie is very possessive and so is reader, so i think he says it first but under circumstances similar to her accusing him of cheating. "why the fuck would i look at someone else? why am i lookin'? i'm not. i'm only looking at you. i only love you." because let's be real, she would never say it lol, so he has to first.

as for the reader who would say it first:

cowboy!eddie's sweet girl would say it first. a little tipsy, when they were more established and steady, but they both just hadn't said it. eddie didn't think he needed to, he just assumed you knew, and you were always a little scared to say it first. until he took you to the bar and you're just dopey and hugging all over him and it slips. he'd just grin, kiss the corner of your mouth, mutter a "love you too, baby." to your skin.

teacher!reader said it first with janitor!eddie because truly, he's so fucking scared to say it on his own. like shaking almost. and she can tell he really wants to. he'll start and then it's like his words are strangled completely. so eventually she's like fuck it, and says it to him.

older!eddie did not say it first, kinda for similar reasons as janitor!eddie, but he's also very uneasy about how to navigate a relationship period but especially one with someone younger. he doesn't want to scare you off, so he shows it more than says it. until one day you've just had it, and you say it. "you know i love you, right? like i really do love you, and i want this to be a thing for a long long time." and he's over the moon about it.

dom!eddie also does not say it for the first time, which is not all that surprising. i feel like it would be during a vulnerable moment, maybe after sex and you're just a little hazy. he's being extra sweet and it just slips. he'd just smile, not make a huge deal out of it, "yeah? love you too."

nepo baby!reader says it first to rockstar!eddie, which really is shocking. when they start getting closer, it just kinda comes out. is supposed to be backhanded and mean, but kinda falls short. "i mean, obviously i love you. i wouldn't be with someone like you if i didn't. do you know how this is going to fuck my reputation?" and eddie can't even get mad at the insult bc you just said you loved him?? him???

[transboysokka]

chris watches twilight for the first time

omg this blueish filter is wild is this like a Pacific Northwest thing

that girl is not tan enough to be from arizona

also I’m getting big gay energy from her so idk how this movie is gonna be like. plausible.

if the dad wasn’t a cop I’d definitely smash

do u guys remember though when they used to cast ACTUAL teenagers for teen roles? refreshing

wow this guy in the cowboy hat has MAJOR swag

oh nooo Taylor Lautner I grew up with him and he sucked (real)

idk why ppl always shat on kstew being like inexpressive in this??? seems fine??

all these vampire siblings date each other?? lolololol

so far this seems like a fun little teen drama idk. it’s so blue though

Edwards stare is so intense I KNOW rpat had a great time with this lolol

Lolllll imagine seeing someone try to switch classes to avoid u but u don’t even know them??

the daughter-distant father awkwardness is v nice, v realistic

ugh this dad is so hot

Does Edward have RED eyes girl that sounds like a red flag get away

Ok this soundtrack sucks

Wait so his eyes change? Why?

wow he stopped a bread van for her w his muscles how romanticccc

also how small is this school like how does everyone know her?

vampire doctor creeps me out

lol his name is carlisle what a square

taking bets at how soon he tells her he’s a vampire it’s probably pretty soon I’m gonna say like around the one hour mark

girl is she having sex dreams about him

God Edward really is so creepy eh

Lautner’s Michigan accent is sooo bad in this omggg I can’t

are these new vampires?? the whole eating people thing really disrupts the tone of the story

So gay of bella not to care about the dress shopping. And also just skipping prom lol

Edward just following her everywhere RUN GIRL

“I should make sure Bella gets something to eat” most awkward and obvious way to ask for a date

So she’s def a vegetarian and he def doesn’t eat people food

We’re like 40 minutes in and he’s already telling her lol

Anyway why can’t he read her mind is this like a soulmate thing

This is soooo fanfictiony lmao

So she finds out he can read minds and just lets it go lol

Edward is such a dumbass though she figured him out so easy lolllll

And now she’s having vampire sex dreams lmaoooo this movie is great

Oh here it comes the “I know what you are” “say it” lol I only know this scene bc it’s from a meme or something

lmao this speed animation

is he about to sparkle

BAHAHAHAHAHA THIS IS SO UNSERIOUS

god they’re both crazy girl why are you so into him and Edward why are you so obsessed w her

ok yeah some of these lines suck

First of all these kids are missing class and for what

Second of all I cannot IMAGINE being a teenage straight girl seeing this for the first time when it comes out and basing my ENTIRE personality on this shitty ass self-insert fanfic ass plot

Girl how the hell can you be in love with him already

That’s so high school, they’re only walking together and people somehow know they’re together?

oh wow so the doctor turns these kids to stop them from dying that’s neat

I used to live only off tofu and I was very satisfied thank u very much

Wow he’s special about reading minds that’s convenient

He’s such a kid w her that’s not what I was expecting but I like it

They’re making Italian food for her bc her name is Bella lmfao

WOW anger issues much

He doesn’t sleep, he doesn’t stop going to school, he doesn’t eat, terrible existence

Was that the author in the diner

HOLY FUCK HE SNEAKS INTO HER HOUSE AND WATCHES HER SLEEP RED ALERT

DONT KISS THE GUY WHO WANTS TO EAT YOU NOOOOO

there are so many problems here lol

Dad just messing w his gun at the kitchen table, so cop coded

So American coded actually lol

Wait Edward is gonna meet him w the gun there lmao

Vampire baseball lolllll

This is just one big incest nerd family

They could have tried a little harder w the cgi for such a big budget?? This looks like the CW. Feels like it too actually

FRENCH bad guy vampires??

These stakes seem suddenly way too high??

Don’t break the hot dads heart nooooo

This really does feel like the CW though

Yeah no Rosalie is right why does that family care about Bella so much like she’s a high school girlfriend not a wife lmao

I think I’m dumb but I don’t entirely understand what’s happening here like did Bella go back to Arizona?? Why did she have to go so far to get away from this guy

FUCK is he gonna run all the way to Arizona now lol

I just don’t know how things got so suddenly so dramatic like can’t this James guy just let it go why is he going to so much effort this just all seems so silly

Wow Black Swan

yeah again idk why everyone was hating on kstew’s performance in this, it’s good

How did Edward get there so fast is there like some portal between Arizona and Washington isn’t that like a 1-2 day drive?

This is a fancy ass ballet studio btw

Yeah this fight scene sucks

So Mufasa coded “Remember who you are”

What is happening to Bella now she doesn’t turn until the last book right? (I’ve never read it idk)

Why did that guy have venom?????

Wow finally creepy Edward gets what he wanted and can drink her up…… he ain’t gonna stop

Oh I get it he stops w the power of love. Okay. Whatever.

This SONG sucks

“You lost a lot of blood” yeah THANKS Edward

Oh god the old ass cellphones. Throwback.

Not sure why she’d need oxygen w the injuries she had tbh am I missing something or is it for drama

“You’re in here bc of me” damn straight

Go to Jacksonville Bella (I know she won’t)

Don’t be a baby about it Bella????

Oh fuck is she going to prom? THATS not gonna create School Drama at all…

“Alice lent me the dress” yeah you’re too gay to own any

I know it’s bc of my issues w lautner as a person but I hate Jacob and I ALSO hate that lautner claims to have “distant” indigenous heritage bc that is another thing that he didn’t have when we were kids so why is he playing this guy

“Should we dance?” “You’re serious?” Bro you came to prom together wtf did u think u we’re gonna do

All the music in this movie sucks ass

I don’t usually advocate for this with vampire stuff but I’d have less of a problem with the creepiness of this relationship if he DID turn her

If MY bf was a vampire I wouldn’t want to be human either wtf

Okay yeah I mean that movie was whatever. Glad I understand the pop culture references now I guess

Oh no oh wait oh god I gotta watch the rest of these movies now don’t I…. Please tell me they get better

[whatsabriard]

Watch With Me: Hart to Hart 2x11

I'm very excited to get back to this lil project. With the thanksgiving holiday firmly in the rear view, my evenings are something of my own again. If I could just keep myself from getting distracted with other projects...

Original Airdate: February 24, 1981

Synopsis: Stanley's evening at a singles bar ends with a murder, and it's up to Jonathan and Jennifer to find out who set him up.

Why this one?: One reason, and one reason only. The scene in the singles bar. You'll know the one I'm talking about. I lose my everloving shit every time I see this episode, as if I've never experienced it before.

Jennifer: I don't know if a tequila sunrise would actually do the trick. Jonathan: Really? What's more your speed. A volcano? Jennifer: Something a little stronger. Jonathan: Earthquake? Jennifer: Ooh, that sounds stimulating. How do you. make one of those? Jonathan: A dash of undulation, shake well and then... Jennifer: The earth moves? Jonathan: Hey hey.

undulation? IN FRONT OF MY SALAD?

This episode is about Stanley. Stanley goes to a disco. Stanley gets in trouble. And blessed be, the people in the disco are dancing like it's goddamn saturday night fever. But first.

Jonathan's gonna have a taste of that neck. He's a neck man. It's 10pm. $5 says someone convinces someone of an executive office quickie. Anyyyway,

Stanley is a goober but it's lucky that he meets a girl who is also a goober.

The bad guys need a fall guy and you can spell it S-T-A-N-L-E-Y.

peep the bill. 2 white wines at $2.69 each. A "big spender" is buying theplace a round. Which will cost what...a hundy?

At willow pond, J&J are watching The Thin Man ("serve the nuts") and eating boiled eggs in bed. They want to set Stanley up.

Cooking is important to a man. SOME men.

"You call apples, cheese, peanuts dinner?" You asked for the peanuts.

They're a horny duo but they absolutely love spending time together watching old movies and taking the piss out of each other. They are besties too, which makes their love so so real.

NOTE TO EVERYONE IN THE HART UNIVERSE - do not take "special drinks" made "just for you" from the strange bartender. It always ends badly.

This is the funniest prop ever. LOL "sales".

Stanley is not good at following instructions. Jonathan is about to stuff Stanley's tie in his big fat mouth.

This is it. Everybody shut up. THIS IS THE SCENE.

HOW ABOUT SOMETHING CLASSY LIKE A TEQUILA SUNRISE.

this cowboy just called jonathan dimples. WHY IS THIS SO FUNNY.

jennifer's leather pants.

WHY DOES IT GET FUCKING FUNNIER EVERY TIME I WATCH IT.

i can't breathe

help

the chains you guys. the chains. i'm crying.

this chick is just sitting there teasing her hair.

Jonathan lost $3500 playing poker and he just...writes a personal check for it.

In the car, Jennifer runs a brush through her hair and her curls brush perfectly out into her signature coiffure. fucking movie magic.

why did jonathan use a personal check and not bring cash. not very incognito since now the killers know he works with Stanley. Yeesh.

"HEY WAIT, DON'T TAKE MY ALIBI!" stanley screams when someone in scuba gear yanks the bartender off the dock and pulls him under the water. LOL

But then he ends up with another body.

I just love that they have all these outfits just...in their closet. Because then we get such great outfits.

This is just a costume porn episode. That's why I love it.

So the harts go to a fancy dinner and Max, the sneaky devil, takes the magic glasses and goes to a poker game. Where he figures out you can use the fancy glasses to cheat.

why do they put the dealer's hand on the screen? He knows what he has?

so we all know max is about to get into trouble, right?

Apparently the Harts came home from their fancy dinner and went straight to bed without realizing a car was missing and Max wasn't home.

Guess, JUST GUESS how they were occupied.

Lookit Jonathan's FLY member's only jacket.

high speed boat and jet-ski chase.

what even.

"I guess you'd say you're beached."

[alexas-fandom-and-random-blog]

Okay about Striker's and Moxxie's fight on episode 5. I've seen some observations of it floating online again about it having sexual undertones and I'd like to add my two cents.

Full disclosure first. I ship it. Hard.

Second I'll try to talk without wearing my shipper goggles and what I consider canon.

So, does it?

Short answer: Yes

Longer answer and meta:

From how its "shot" with all the close ups and in times claustrophobic and under heavy red hues of light scenes the intention is there I believe. It's a very physical and close range fight where Moxxie gets pinned and restrained a lot and Striker is grinning like a madman during the entire thing. Of course there are implications there.

It barely does count as a fight, its a very personal assault.

Now why is that?

Striker represents a lot of traits toxic masculinity has. He's the bastard jock basically who picks on a physically weaker and smaller guy out of maliciousness and to prove his superiority. That makes Moxxie a perfect target and also cause Moxxie gets stubborn and doesn't back down, Striker tries even harder, even mocking him through passive aggressive insults and even in his song.

Important notice is the fact he denies it upfront.

"Moxxie go fuck yourself"

Followed right after with:

"Did you hear something, it was just the wind"

That's a classic way an abuser or bully with narcissism works btw. Being aggressive towards their victims but covering it up or denying it, wanting the rest of the world to worship them.

But here's the thing.

Toxic masculinity is often a front for repressed sexuality too. Specifically gay men. And even if Striker's design screams manly man a couple of details like the fact he's a cowboy (dead giveaway lol) and more obviously those fabulous high heel boots add some implications no? That and he hits on Blitzo, that one is obvious but he also side eyes Moxxie through this entire antagonistic bullying that leads to this fight.

Also when he shows off, a lot of girls in the audience fangirl over him and the focus is mostly on them again implying things about Striker's target audience. Playboys do target women true but he also kicks that one away when she gets too close on him when he performs on stage. Cause that's what this mostly is. A performance with no real interest behind it.

Not that I don't think he fucks. Striker fucks. No doubt about it 😆

It just comes off as superficial.

So after all that we come to him cornering and assaulting Moxxie. Based on all of the above Striker's approach is deliberately physical and in need to assert his dominance and total control of the other. Just cause he can. And he gets much pleasure out of it. He's very sadistic and pleased about it while Moxxie is in serious danger and basically fights for his life by his point of view.

Unlike the superficiality of his act that has the purpose to entice an audience, this feels more personal and with a lot of underlying issues including sexual ones. And it's "shot" and framed as such in a subconscious level I believe, and the reason people caught up on it.

Striker has been restraining himself up until that point. This is the moment he lets the beast loose and indulges into his urges, thankfully for Moxxie not entirely in the desired direction but an assault with sexual undertones none the less. Striker's wild expressions and body language convey that.

Which... going away from canon now. Opens the room for all the problematic shipping, kinks and bdsm fantasies all the more prevalent since Striker is a hot dude with hot voice.

Thank you for coming to my Tedd talk ☺️

[vikingqueer]

music recommendations because i have some thoughts™

i don't wanna be that person who's like "my music taste is so weird lol" but i find that very often most of my friends don't really care for the music i like so i thought i'd just make a long ass post about it on tumblr instead. Fair warning, I'm very passionate about MIKA and The Mechanisms and so this very quickly got VERY long because it is part of my ongoing campaign to convince people to listen to mika and the mechs.

1) MIKA in general, but especially My Name Is Michael Holbrook (2019) and No Place In Heaven (2015) (especially the Deluxe version!!)

MIKA is a kind of British singer (half Lebanese, grew up in France blabla), and you probably know him for Grace Kelly and Relax, Take It Easy from his first album Life In Cartoon Motion from 2007. He writes a lot of FUN music, interspersed with the occasional slightly sadder song, especially when looking at an album like No Place In Heaven, which contains a lot of songs with gay themes, resulting in some songs that are just a little bit ouch. He's originally classically trained and has a frankly RIDICULOUS range and idk he just writes very good pop music. Also I have so much respect for that time he talked about how a lot of pop is very fake, with like expensive cars and stilettos and mini skirts in the snow and said "Because I walk down the street, and I don't see any of that. I see fat women and gay men. I don't know... That's real". He's written 5 albums; My Name Is Michael Holbrook (2019), No Place In Heaven (2015), The Origin Of Love (2012), The Boy Who Knew Too Much (2009), and Life In Cartoon Motion (2007).

For starters, I recommend listening to Last Party, Origin Of Love, Grace Kelly, Blame It On The Girls, Blue, Happy Ending, Pick Up Off The Floor, Last Party, Underwater, Tomorrow and Tiny Love (yes this is a long list but i REALLY love MIKA). If you want a slightly broader palette that's not just my favourites, I recommend the Mika starter pack on spotify.

2) The Mechanisms. I warn you. I am making this a thing. I have been obsessed with the mechs since last march.

Boy, where to start? The Mechanisms were a British 9 member space pirate story-telling cabaret that "died" in January 2020. They rewrite songs to fit retellings of various stories. I don't even know what genre I'd describe them as, but probably folk but steam-punk?? Their 4 "main" albums are concept albums, and I honestly just recommend listening to the from beginning to end in chronological order. A good way to get into the mechs is also to listen to UDAD and then watching the live show on youtube or alternately try giving Death To The Mechanisms a listen, to get good quality live show audio of TBI and various other stuff. Also, it was streamed on YouTube and someone combined the footage with the album audio and it rocks. Really, I think the mechs' best selling points are honestly just their concept albums:

Once Upon a Time (In Space) Their first album from 2012. I'd say this is the most "easily digestible" for the general public, since it's a retelling of various fairytales. So, what if Old King Cole was in fact not merry, but rather a cold-blooded dictator, intent on colonising as much of the galaxy as possible. What if Snow White was a general, looking to avenge what King Cole did to her sister, Rose. What if Cinderella was to be wedded to Rose the day that King Cole attacked in order to kidnap Rose? But y'know, In Space and also like every other mechs album it's a beautiful tragedy. Fave songs are Old King Cole, Pump Shanty, and No Happy Ending.

Ulysses Dies at Dawn You guessed it, it's a story about Odysseus, or Ulysses because I guess Ulysses is easier to rhyme or fit in the meter or something, idk. Ulysses is a war hero of unknown gender who is said to keep something that could take down the corrupt Olympians, meanest families in the City, in a vault to which only they know the passcode. Oedipus, Heracles, Orpheus, and Ariadne have been hired by Hades, who happens to be The Mechs' quartermaster Ashes O'Reilly, to get into Ulysses' vault. I didn't care much for udad at first, but honestly it's got some real bangers and the story is really good. UDAD weirdly stands out as the only of the concept albums to not feature any gay relationships, per se. Fave songs are Riddle of the Sphinx, Favoured Son, and Underworld Blues.

High Noon over Camelot This is my favourite mehcs album. So basically, this is Arthurian legend, but it's a space western and Jonny D'Ville does a bad southern accent. This is the story of the cowboy lovers Arther, Lancelot, and Guinevere searching for the Galfridian Restricted Acces Interface Login, or GRAIL, in order to stop their world from falling into the sun. Meanwhile, Mordred and Gawaine are ruling Camelot, and Mordred has convinced Gawaine to try to establish peace with the Saxons by whom Mordred was raised, but Gawaine hates viciously. If you love getting your heart broken and songs by a fucking off the rails batshit preacher I HIGHLY recommend hnoc. Fave songs are Gunfight at the Dolorous Guard, Blood and Whiskey, and Once and Future King. Honorary mention for Hellfire because it awakens something animalistic in me.

The Bifrost Incident TBI is the frankly only good adaptation of norse mythology I've ever known of, and I say that as Dane who was literally forced to learn things about norse mythology in school because it's my heritage or whatever. I've been listening to TBI a lot lately because it's VERY good. It's definitely the most refined of the mechs' albums (because it's the newest) but also I just love a little bit of cosmic horror. 80 years ago, Odin, the All-Mother, ruler of Asgaard, launched a train through the wormhole Bifrost that would reduce the travel between Asgaard and Midgaard from 3 months to 3 days, but things didn't go quite as planned. Lyfrassir Edda of the New Midgaard Transport Police is trying to solve the case of why suddenly the train has arrived 80 years late; to figure out whether it was accident or maybe it was sabotaged by Loki, who was allegedly sentence to death her murder of Baldur, by the Midgaardian resistance led by Loki's wife Sigyn, or maybe by Thor, who was to take over after Odin, and who holds quite the grudge because he used to be a friend of Loki's. You might've heard the song Thor from this album, it's apparently quite popular. Fave songs are Loki, Ragnarok III: Strange Meeting, and Ragnarok V: End of The Line. Yet again an honorary mention: Red Signal because while Lovecraft was a bitch, his invocations are fucking RAW.

Basically, the Mechanisms do all of their performances in character as captain first mate Jonny D'Ville, quartermaster Ashes O'Reilly, pilot DrumBot Brian, master-at-arms Gunpowder Tim, science officer Raphaella la Cognizi, doctor Baron Marius Von Raum (neither a baron, nor a doctor), archivist Ivy Alexandria, engineer Nastya Rasputina, and The Toy Soldier, who is, as usual, present. You can find very obscure lore about the crew of the Aurora here, tidbits on Tales To Be Told and TTBT Vol. 2, such as One Eyed Jacks, The Ignominious Demise of Dr. Pilchard, Gunpowder Tim vs. The Moon Kaiser, Lucky Sevens, and Lost in the Cosmos.

If you feel like listening to a full 40-50 minute album to find out if you like a band is a bit much, I recommend listening to one of the mini stories Alice, Swan Song, or Frankenstein, which are about 12, 5 and 9:30 minutes respectively.

3) The Amazing Devil You know that guy who played Jaskier in the Witcher? I got into The Amazing Devil from spotify recommending them because I listened to the mechs, and apparently Joey Batey from The Amazing Devil is the same Joey Batey who was in the Witcher. Both him and Madeleine Hyland are VERY talented singers and songwriters and their second album The Horror and the Wild makes me go out into the forest and SCREAM. I listened to it on repeat for like a month straight. I guess they'd also be considered folk, but like. New Folk. Also yes, this is another British artist, I don't know why I'm like this. I've never really gotten that into their first album, Love Run, but King slaps. As I understand there's this whole lore about the Blue Furious Boy and Scarlet Scarlet, Joey and Madeleine respectively, but unlike the Mechanisms it's actually possible to find out things about the actual real people and harder to find the obscure lore? I'm open for people to please help me. Fave songs are The Horror and the Wild, Farewell Wanderlust, and That Unwanted Animal, which is literally a third of their second album, but again. I haven't really listened to Love Run that much, and I just LOVE the harmonies on THATW. (also im gay and dramatic leave me alone)

4) dodie I have so much love for this woman. Like many others, I first knew dodie as doddleoddle on youtube. I think I first stumbled across her in probably 2015, because I distinctly already knew her before she released her first EP Sick of Losing Soulmates in 2016. I think I watched probably every video she's ever made in the span of a few weeks. I just loved her quiet sound and was absolutely HOOKED. Also she's actually the reason I got into MIKA originally, so thanks for that. Dodie just realeased her first album Build A Problem (in addition to her three EP's; the one mentioned above, You, and Human) and it slaps. Yes dodie is also British Fave songs are probably Monster, Rainbow, and In The Middle.

5) Cladia Boleyn Unfortunately, Claudia Boleyn only has three singles and that's it. She's been making content on youtube for quite a while, and that's how I first discovered her. I don't know what genre her music is, but I like it. The songs are Celesta, George, and Mother Maiden Crone, of which the latter is my favourite. I'm not saying Claudia Boleyn invented women in 2017 when she released Mother Maiden Crone, but she did. Also you guessed it, Claudia Boleyn is British.

6) Hozier I'm not about to tell you about Hozier. You know who he is. Listen to Nina Cried Power, Angel Of Small Death & The Codeine Scene, and Shrike. Also Hozier isn't stricly British in that he is definitely from A British Isle, but Ireland is not part of the UK. Give me a break.

7) Oh Land Oh Land IS DANISH. I like her early music best, because I'm not that into the electronic sound. I guess Oh Land is just you regular old pop, but with the occasional weird vibe? Oddly enough, I like her first album Fauna best. Unfortunately I haven't really listened to her newest album Family Tree much, but it seems good? Fave songs are Frostbite, Love You Better and Family Tree. I cried on the bus, first time I listened to the Danish version of Love You Better, Elsker Dig Mer because my mother tongue always just hits harder. Also Frostbite is Oh Land doing a duet with herself which is pretty cool.

8) Oysterband This is a live recommendation. I mean they're a decent folk band and all, but they're a fucking experience live. If you like folk and you ever get the opportunity to see Oysterband live, do it. Unfortunately, yes. They are British. Either way, they are incredible on a scene and I think they deserve a mention for that.

9) Ben Platt Honestly don't know much about this guy, but he's not British and he was in Dear Evan Hansen. He released an album in 2019, Sing To Me Instead, and I just think it's a good album, there isn't really not much more to it. Fave songs are Grow As We Go, Bad Habit, and In Case You Don't Live Forever.

and thats all for now. this has been a ramble. shout out to you if you actually read all of this, especially the mechs part.

[jrueships]

This is basically what happens in my brain

After the dunk contest they are in shambles (gup more than green) and jalen is like “hm how do I make my f r i e n d feel better” because real friends do that (coughs)

Anyways they’re at like a hotel bc y’know all star events and it’s all kinda awkward because they were pretty bad and I think gup is like depressed?? And then jalen is lowkey like “why he kinda 👀 in those pants tho” and thinks abt his lips bc of course he does

Okay and then I guess (transition) they’re like “haha why not fuck” and then do the thing. And like jalen is trying to get the pants off bc it’s tight and he says something kinda suggestive abt the shirt

Does gup cry idk up to ur imagination 😭 maybe from having his prostate stimulated in some way 🤔 tbh I didn’t think too much abt like the actual… fucking… but it’s probs involves penetration of the anal nature 🧍

Uh the ending uh they probs say something cheesy and are like “oh hey yeah I like you actually” and it’s sappy and shit

I hope you enjoyed this ask bc while I was looking at gup’s Twitter I saw him retweet this and ???? (Forgot that hyperlinks existed on tumblr bless tbh) but yeah they sus keep scrolling 😎😎

GAY PEOPLE Y e. A S !!!!!!

more thoughts under.. the Cut 😈

FIRST OF ALL this sounds SO cute and in character AWWW gup feeling all upset at himself for 'embarrassing' Jalen (even tho jalen started the tragedy by pulling out that ugly ass nftnecklace like idk what to tell u buddy...) and jalen wanting to 'make his "Friend" ' feel better, who happens to be a boy, who happens to be his wife. WE LOVE TO SEE IT !!!!!!

A hotel fuck 👁👁👁👁👁👁👁?????? OOOOKAY! i SEE it! i LIKE it i LISTEN to it!

Things being awkward... gup being depressed.. and jalen being horny on the low LOL 😭 gups goin thru it and jalen is just watching from a dank desolate corner of the room thinking 'hmmm Yes. Pathetic people are H O T !!!!!!

Jalen's mind ^^^. Celebrating the w he is about to score off the floor because he can't score one on it 😭 while gup is going through the 7 Stages of Grief. gup may be feelin bad in the head but jalen thinks hes feelin pretty bad in the Behiiind 😋😋😋😋. ALSO thinking about his LIPS??? NAUGHTY WACKUS BONKUS !!!!!!!!!!! wonder WHY hes thinkin about them HMMM 🤔? <- evil man who knows why but just wants an example for funsies

Jalen trying to tug off Josh's tight ass pants 😭 cutting off his circulation. So cute <3 love the role these pants play. Academy award supporting cast !!!!!! ALSO i wanna know WHAT he said about the SHIRT !!! WHAT DID HE SAY ABOUT REAL FRIENDS?? THE PUBLIC (me) NEEDS TO k N O W !!!!!!!!!!!!

THE SCIENTIFIC DESCRIPTIONS HeLP ?????? still 🤭 tho... overstimulation 🤭🤭 crying.. we love 2 see it

THANK U for these details you are doing your TUMBLRINA COMMUNITY a great SERVICE !!!!!!!!! YOUR EFFORTS ARE APPRECIATED AND VALIANT ! perhaps one day when the fic is posted .... and felons are fed.. you shall be awarded The H*rny Heart . Who knows 😋 !

ALSO

Gup reposted this pic to his insta.... and ure showing me he rted it on Twitter TOO?? their 30 POINT GAME ?????? GAY ! ( in cowboy yeehaw adlib ) they are so close to kissing.. gup doin a little jump into jalens chest like he isn't smaller than him. Gayass. Green doin his shy little seashell girl knee touch stance like he isn't a terrible menace... okay jalen.. okay.. they are so sappy.... p*rn with feelings > Thomas edison

[moxfirefly]

So I’m a newbie when it’s come to the anime fandom and one I though of, how would some headcanons be for the turtles being anime fans. Like what their favorite anime, do they read manga, do they have a anime crush, and bonus how would they react if their s/o is a anime fan too.

Lord I’m so hideously picky with anime like I’ve watched maybe a total of 5 lol. I know about a bunch but I don’t watch them. So with what I can work with I think I can decipher or at least attempt to explain what each lad might enjoy. (Ps: Hellsing is my all time favorite)

So let’s give this a try

I mean it feels right to make Leo the ultimate weeb lol but I just think he enjoys Japanese culture a heck ton so yeah he’s indulged in anime

I wanna say maybe he’s a fan of the classics (oldies?) like Fist of the North Star? Anything fight wise but with good fighting choreography.

Dragon Ball Z might be another he enjoys. Anything with fight tournaments in general. He’s into that shizz my dude and he probably is the type to be like “there’s no way to make that kick with breaking every bone in your leg”

Would he have an anime crush? Yeah why not but he likes it to be a lady that can hold her own. If she can fight he’s def gonna make heart eyes.

His and Raph taste are similar so I can see them bonding over a show amd watching it together. Probably always rooting for the opposites cause they gotta argue at some point who’s cooler or who’s more badass etc.

Our big boy does enjoy fighting centered anime’s but I can see him being into drama ones you know? Like a heavy drama plot based animes.

So he enjoys Death Note. Fascinated with the whole writing a name in a notebook and Bam! Dudes croaked. He wants to beat the shit out of Light Yagami (I mean who doesn’t)

Jokes that Donnie is their very own personal L.

He really gets into each cliffhanger, def yells at the tv and calls everyone a fucking moron.

I can see him also being into Cashern (I’ve seen the movie and it’s *chef kiss* but I know there’s an anime of it) that plot and futuristic setting is hella cool, he probably watches that one with Don

He so has an anime crush and it’s probably one of the Sailor Scouts from Sailor Moon (coughitsMarscough)

Evangelion and I’m dying on that hill

Yes Mech centered anime’s cause that’s his bread and butter

Gundam and Mazinger like he so would want to build one and he’s dabbled in the possibility when he’s bored, has a little blue print even if he knows it’s not doable

I can also see him being into messed up animes like the good scary ones.

Anything Junji Ito or similar that actually leaves him like “damn...” and he’s gotta watch cat videos for a few minutes to palette cleanse

More Sci-Fi based ones as well cause he loves that shit bro

Adventure based ones, and I don’t wanna say One Piece but I think he would just cause he wants to see if he can actually finish the damn thing before he’s 60 (one piece is so fucking long I can’t)

Yes Sailor Moon because pretty girls in pretty costumes kicking ass

He loves Lupin The Third, Cowboy Bepop

I can see him trying out any genre at least once . Like he’s more open about watching as many as he can if they catch his attention long enough.

I know there’s something ala Power Rangers and I don’t know what it’s called but that yeah

Pokémon probably cause he plays the damn game

Sexy animes because let’s be real this is Mikey

The man has too many anime crushes and we’ll be here all night.

[axemetaphor]

im definitely not ripping off my friend by making a list of au ideas i have no siree //gonna slap this under a readmore cause i. well i say a lot. all of the time. i tried so hard to format this Good but tumblr fucked me up i am so sorry

so first-off i know i already have one WIP AU (Auckland) on ao3 so i wont talk about That one cause like. spoilers. i actualyl have it like 80% created so its likely gonna truly get finished for once and i dont wanna ruin shit

the other one ive posted about is something me and ben (catgirlrepublic) have worked on together its not at all close to done or anything but it's. a fun little crossover. Between jdate and my fuckinuhm. Original characters story “Untitled Villains Project”. the sketches of the comic version ive started is actually my pinned post 👉👈 its like the first chunk of the story, i think half of part 1? yea.

Tldr john fucking Somehow is able t oget into contact with a certain curious scientist from another reality who’d just love to study the Soy Sauce, most certainly not for her own nefarious purposes

John and Dave meet up with the scientist, her name is Boss, and her lab assistant, Toxic, and after a bit of a preliminary Vibe Check where john determines her trustworthy (which Dave doesnt agree with,) the two agree to be taken to the world UVP is set in. from there they stay in Boss’s lab (big old fucking abandoned military lab). John and Toxic are fast friends due to mutual love-of-chaos. John n Dave get to fuckin, camp out on an air mattress.

The day after they arrive, the two get split up, not exactly intentionally; big plot points of UVP are liek. Fueled by Boss sending Toxic to go fetch her “research materials,” which are usually important artifacts

Fuckin side note i guess i have to explain my dumb bullshit: Boss’s, uh, field of expertise so to speak is actually fckin, basically the scientific study of magic and superpowers n shit like that. This shit’s all real in that world. Toxic’s got fuckin superpowers, so do 4 other main characters, whatever. It’s got a bit to do with spirituality, iss Boss’s hypothesis. So she has Toxic fetch important artifacts that might have “energies” to them. The thing is actually way more fuckin complictated than that, this is just Boss’s initial hypothesis.

Motherfucking anyways. So Boss gives Toxic a job to do, and John get excited about how Cool that sounds, and ends up going with Toxic, leaving Boss and Dave alone. Neither is thrilled about this. But Dave and Boss get to have a bit of conversation (while Toxic and John are off bonding and having a good time) and come to a… mutual grudging understanding of some kind. They still dont like each other though lmao

Theres gonna be deeper shit going on but we havent sorted it out yet/tbh havent like Written For It in a while but i still like thinking about it a lot lol

Also pretty sure our endgame is john and dave steal toxic and bring them back with em lmao boss is kind of not nice and toxic would most certainly be better off in Undisclosed. Actually theyd fucking love it. Theyd become a local cryptid im sure. Undisclosed’s mothman is a teleporting spike baby.

I have. Another crossover AU that i might. Post something about for halloween? Maybe? If i have it finished?

Crosses over into, you guessed it, another one of my original-character projects. God, am i vain or something?

I promise this is just because i think blue and dave should get to team up to beat up some monsters

Quick briefing on my fuckinuh. Original character story, this one doesnt have a name (yet? Idk lol my work never actually goes anywhere sso who gives a shit). It centers around two grim reapers, Red (26, bi woman) and Blue (22, aroace agender asshole). In this reality or whatever, grim reapers function kind of like low-level office workers. They get told who’s going to die + when by some middle-management types, and upper management only involve themselves when punishment needs to be doled out. These Higher-Ups can be seen as analogous to Korrok; they’re decidedly not human, never were, and fucking terrifyingly powerful. Additionally, grim reapers are sort of .. designed to be “background noise” people. In reality theyre supernatural beings and, uh, look Real Fuckin Weird (the whole deal has a neon aesthetic im terrible at drawing uwu) but most humans just perceive them like extras in a movie. A body’s there but the camera’s not focused on it.

To the narrative: the shit starts when Red n Blue get relocated to Undisclosed. Relocation is something that just happens every now and then to reapers; they usually work in teams, but they get split up into different cities to avoid any strong bonds forming (a counter-union strategy from the Higher-Ups).

Red, Blue, John and Dave end up running into each other for the first time in a McDonalds where John n Dave are getting some 4am “hey, we just survived another horrific monster fight” celebration burgers. John and Dave are the only two people who can see how… strange Red and Blue are. Nobody else notices.

John unintentionally pisses Blue off, leading to Blue whacking him upside the head with a dildo bat. They all four get kicked out of McDonald’s. Dave and Red both are less than thrilled

Blue and John end up resolving their differences, somehow. Red and Dave briefly bond over their dumbass best friends being, well, dumbasses. They all part ways amicably.

somehow-or-other (idk yet) they end up running into each other a few more times, and eventually john invites them over to his place, and the four (plus Amy now!) get to know each other a little better

while there, Blue gets a text about some guy who's gonna die and John offers to drive them to where that's gonna go down. they take him up on the offer and get to have a bit of one-on-one conversation

after that ordeal though Blue has had Enough of people and bails, leaving John to head home alone

theres a sort of mirror-development going on with the five of em. Red, John, and Amy would all like everyone to get along, though theyre a bit tentative about it (John moreso than the other two, actually, jsut cause. well Red n Blue could still be Sauce Monsters). Dave and Blue on the other hand do Not like people enough for this shit, and Dave's not unconvinced theyre Sauce Monsters. he will not trust them until proven he should

the story's kinda nebulous but i got an idea for some Shit going down that involves both Sauce Monsters and also the Higher-Ups to have some fuckin absolute chaos go down.

Oops! All Trans

Everybody is transgender. Everyone

Ive actually workshopped this one both with ben (catgirlrepublic) and ghost (ghost-wannabe) lmao its a fun lil concept ive had from the get-go cause i mean. What’s an internet tran gonna do other than hit all their favourite media with the Everyone’s Trans beam

Dave transitioned post-high school and faked his death for it. People go missing in Undisclosed all the damned time, after all. He moved to the next city over, transitioned fully, then came back as a completely new man. Yes i know this doesnt exactly fit with the “everyone knows David from high school” thing alright, hush.

Anytime anyone brings up John’s old best friend (pre-transition Dave) John throws an entire fit like an overdramatic grieving widow. Full-on sobbing “why would you bring her up?! I miss her so much—” to the point that people just stop bringing up because Jesus Christ That Sure Is Uncomfortable KJHGFDS.

This is a scheme he and Dave came up with prior to Dave leaving, though Dave hadnt exactly anticipated John putting on this much of a performance about it— but it’s stopped Dave from ever having tto hear his deadname again, so hey.

Amy transitioned sometime in middle school/early high school. Her family was super supportive and loved her a ton and most people just know her as Amy. she was super shy her whole life really so. Yeah. people just dont think to bring it up lmao also i Feel Like big jim would absolutely wallop anyone who gave her trouble of any kind

John’s nonbinary (genderfluid specifically) and not exactly Interested in transitioning ? like hes fine with how he is. mostly.

he came out to Dave in high school but hes not out to anyone else exactly. Maybe his bandmates. Probably any other trans person in Undisclosed knows, too, cause theyre safe to tell lmao. Johns mostly a “he/him out of convenience” kinda nb who’s cool with any pronouns but does prefer they/them most. Dave and Amy use they/them when the trio are alone

Also this is a totally self-indulgent caveat that i think would be great, Dave’s actually agender but because he's transmasc and transitioned when he thought there were really only two options, and being Boy at least felt less weird than being Girl, he just kind of assumed he was a dude. It’s only through a lot of (like fucking years and years hes probably in his 30s/40s when he puts 2 and 2 together on this one) talks about gender with John that he realizes he actually feels like No Gender. Masc aesthetic with none gender.

I Just Think It’d Be Neat Is All Okay

Also Amy came out to Dave about being trans early on in them seeing each other and his response was to get very nervous before blurting out “me too” and then just being too embarrassed to talk about it for the rest of the day. Hes got a lot of hangups on talking about it actually it takes years for him to get comfortable in that

by contrast when Amy comes out to John about it his response is to yell “EYYY ME TOO” and give her a big ol hug lmao

I think itd be neatt if Amy ran a like. Transfem help/advice blog on tumblr. Kind of helped-with by John who can give her transfem nb insight for certain asks. I also just think that would be neat.

Cowboy AU - i put this one last cause its got drawings to it actually. Theyll be at the bottom

Basically just. Hey you ever watched a western. I think they look neat

This is another one me n ben have come up with lol

The soy sauce and all that shit still exist, im not sure where korrok fits in yet but ill figure it out

Theres no real like solid narrative yet ? but heres the barebones of everybody’s arcs.

John

Johns an absolute troublemaker, Of Course. Hes wanted in several towns for absolutely stupid shit. Hes a loner who shows up, causes chaos, gets drunk, does some drugs, runs away if people get too mad at him

He definitely had the same kind of deal with the soy sauce as in canon— he was at some kind of party, somebody offered it, he took it cause why the fuck wouldnt he, now he can see monsters and shit

Hes kind of a mooch also. Like. dont let him stay in your barn man he’ll never fucking leave and drink all your booze.

He runs into Dave when they happen to just, cross paths in the same town. the bullshit John stirs up ends up involving Dave in a way that makes it seem like it's his fault too, and they both get run out of town

after that he just tags along after Dave. hes decided this guy's Cool he wants to stick around. Dave is pissed at first, but not enough to shoot him or anything, and eventually, John grows on him

Dave

Dave also is a loner but unlike John hes simply so fucking awkward and bad with people. He doesnt feel like he belongs anywhere so he just travels

He’s the stereotypical Lone Ranger tbh. He wanders from town to town, solving their problems, though hed deny its out of any moral obligation (it kinda is, a little bit, tbh. He does like feeling useful). He shows up, fixes things, leaves. He's kind of a legend but most people think he's hiding something dark. other people jsut know him as that guy who farted real loud in the middle of the saloon and promptly skipped town out of sheer embarrassment. you know how it goes with Dave

He ends up involved with the Soy Sauce when a snake (not Actually a snake,) bites him. The snake’s more like the wig-monsters, really. Anyway, it injects him with the soy sauce, he fucking trips balls in the middle of the desert, he can see monsters now

He runs into John and shit goes tits-up, as said, but they become traveling buddies after that. he'd never say so, but he's glad for the company, actually. it's nice. hes not used to companionship but he feels a strange kind of easiness hanging out with John....

not sure how the Monster Dave concept will like fit in to this reality but like. trust me i want it in here. I'll Figure It Out.

Amy

Amy’s been living in a town John and Dave end up passing through and she is very curious about these two new Handsome Strangers who claim to fight monsters and just kinda. Persistently tags along til they let her join for real

Her family’s all dead, unfortunately, just like in canon, and she’s been living alone for a few years before meeting John n Dave. she had nothing left in that town to stay for, she'd been fantasizing about escaping on wild adventures for a long time and this felt a little like a dream come true. (Dave still gives her a spiel about how Difficult it is, but really, her fantasies were pretty grounded-in-reality already. i jsut think thats how she is, yknow?)

Shes the first person to react to the whole “we see monsters” shit with a kind of “oh, okay. neat” kind of response lmao

John and Dave fix whatever the fuck is up with her town (maybe that’s where the Korrok shit can fit, who knows) and Amy ends up being integral to that. After, she insists they take her with them because “they need her now” and Dave just cant really say no. John too is very much "the more the merrier!" and hes actually glad to have another person along he loves people lmao

At the start she has long hair but after she joins them she chops it short with a knife for convenience

also she still is an amputee. justt. idk. it was a wagon/stagecoach accident rather than a car accident lmao. just to clarify since i hadnt mentioned it, i wouldnt rob her of her ghost hand or yknow. all of the significance to her character that Missing A Hand has. although also now im going to have to research what was used as painkillers way-back-when, but im betting shes still got, like, her pain pills, they probably had those, maybe i wouldnt have to try too hard there. old timey medicine could be WACK though,

Shitload

Yeah hes in tthis shit mostly cause i liked designing his cowboy self lmao

Hes a kid (like 16, 17, technically i think in those days that was more Young Man than Kid but whatever. Hes Young i mean.) who got possessed by the Worms out in the desert and, by his family’s perception, just went missing!

Hes also a wanderer, but he ended up at the same town john and dave met in, at that same time, and starts following them after, already aware of who/what they are.

He keeps his face covered 24/7. actually he covers a Majority of his self for reasons. kinda want him to be a slightly more horrifying Worm Entity rather than human idk,

I kinda dont have much for this boy yet sorry Shitload

images !

with some editing notes for me cause im doing a very specific aesthetic with this lmao. i might change some lil details/colours though ...... idk

im also kinda 🤔 about shitload's colour palette. i want things assoicated w the sauce to be black'n'red predominantly but i think his palette might mirror dave's too closely. also im working on a korrok design i jsut am too busy to draw it now

[shirtlesssammy]

15x15: Gimme Shelter

Then:

Dean used his words to save the world once

Now:

At a food bank community center, three teens dole out food while stressing out about one attendant who’s breaking their cleanliness rules. Connor heads over to talk to the woman, but is stopped by the center’s pastor. The pastor challenges Connor’s motivation. ”We have rules, but we also have spirit too, right?” The pastor tells Connor to lead with compassion, so Connor brings the woman food instead of kicking her out of the building. 

Later, Connor walks home. Much like all other cold open walks, this one also involves a solitary alley. He hears someone calling his name. Trying to find the source of the voice, he trips and finds a talking teddy bear, and a metal hook around his neck.

Dean and Sam discuss research. Sam’s found a non-case, while Dean’s hit the jackpot in Atlantic City. Specifically, an unexplained blackout has him thinking that Amara’s enjoying her new gambling addiction on the East Coast. 

Cas pops up and thinks he should go with the brothers, but they tell him to stay put and babysit Jack. I say TFW is just better together, but I’m not writing this episode. Hrmph. The brothers are packed and ready to go, but Jack stops them in the war room to ask about the case Sam found.

Sam tells him it’s nothing. Dean encourages Cas and Jack to investigate --to keep Jack busy. Cas seems skeptical, but Dean insists.

Agents Swift and Lovato meet with the local law enforcement to learn more about the case. Sweet Jesus is it cute that Cas continues to use pop-star names. It’s cute that Jack takes after his father with the upside down badge. It’s cute that Jack recognizes the teddy bear and says he has one (Did Cas buy it for him? He has a history of buying stuffed animals for his quasi-children.) 

The sheriff tells them about the victim, and how the word ‘Liar’ was carved into him. 

Jack posits that this all seems demonic. 

Cut to Cas digging into the ground at a crossroads. Time to get some information. Cas buries a picture of himself that Dean took when he was wearing a cowboy hat (Don’t worry, Dean still has his copy, and keeps it safe…. for reasons.) and Jack sets up a social media account. He’s WAY under 13 years old, so he needs a parent’s permission. Cas grants it easily. (Also, ALSO!! ALSO, there are NOT too many cats on the internet. This writing is so OOC, smh.) 

A demon appears. 

He’s channeling his inner Crowley, and I suddenly miss the bugger for a moment. Zach, the demon, is very bored and desperately wants something to do. He’s not really British and tells the duo that no one's making demon deals right now. Rowena’s of the philosophy that “people will end up where they belong.” Cas realizes their mistake and moves to leave.  “Sam was right, it’s not a monster,” Jack laments. “He was half right. Sometimes humans can be the worst kind of monsters,” Cas adds. 

At the community center, a woman locks up, and grabs a whole lotta cash from the donation box before she bails. Once outside, she hears a voice call her name. She looks around but sees nothing. She turns back to her car to find a masked individual. A weird editing choice cuts back to her...and commercial. 

Cas checks in with the brothers. Dean tells Cas to be wary of those “Hallelujah types” and I’m like, wha? Cas is an ANGEL OF THE LORD. He’s been around the block, Dean. Lol for looking out for your BFF, tho. Also, second awkward moment of the episode when Dean just hangs up on Cas? I’m…

Sam voices his reservations about the whole finding Amara --lying to Amara --killing Amara plan. Say it louder for the brother in the seat next to you, Sam! 

(Boris: I’m just going to insert this in the middle of this recap and never mention it again. Can we trust Billie? Is her plan actually something that is GOOD for our TFW 2.0? What is her agenda and does it align with what we want? What if what SHE wants is as equally bad as what Chuck wants? What if we as an audience are getting played right now??) (Natasha: What if the strings she’s pulling are emotional and she’s playing a dangerous game of chicken with Dean’s rage and Chuck’s entitlement?)

Jack joins the community center. He watches Dr. Sexy the pastor in a prayer circle, and talks to a disillusioned young woman who asks him to fill out a form before walking away. 

Cas walks in separately and wanders over to Dr. Sexy the pastor praying with a parishioner, and tells him about the cash stealing Valerie. She never made it home. 

Cut to Valerie tied and gagged. Her hands are in an elaborate guillotine. She wakes. Her screams are muffled. A TV turns on and flashes the word ‘Thief’. And one of her fingers gets chopped off. A timer starts on the TV. AND WE ALL RECOIL. 

Jack finishes the paperwork and tries to talk to the girls working the food line. The one girl storms off, upset. Jack follows her and tells her that he didn’t mean to upset her. 

She tells him that Connor and her dated. Well, they watched a lot of old movies together.  (AHEM! AHEM! AHEM! “I’m your Huckleberry.” AHEM. Please stop the clowning, it hurts so much.) 

Jack confesses to the girl that he lost his mother. The girl tells Jack that her mom died three years ago, and now it’s just her and her emotionally unavailable father, the pastor. “I have more dads than most, and I’m always just feeling like I’m letting all of them down.” JACK!!!! The girl tells Jack to trust God, not people. 

And we laugh, and laugh, and, guh, laugh. 

Cas, meanwhile, meets with Dr. Sexy the pastor. 

Cas interrogates Dr. Sexy Pastor about whether anyone else has gone missing recently. Well, there was one guy who used to work for the “faith-based community” but they parted ways. Cas and the pastor enjoy a little god talk. Cas, the weary angel, opines that God just doesn’t care. The pastor has a different take on faith - it’s about the people of his church doing what they can to take care of each other. We learn that this church recently changed from a fundamentalist branch to something more welcoming. Connor was able to come out as gay due to the changes, so some good happened. (Hindsight thoughts: this makes his death and the “Liar” all the more awful.) “A saint is a sinner who keeps trying,” the pastor concludes...and if that ain’t the truth about Cas!

Sam and Dean are on the too-slow train to Atlantic City when Amara drops in during a gas stop and invites them out for pierogi. 

At Patchwork, the pastor asks Jack to share his journey of faith during a prayer circle. Jack falters, and Cas steps in. “I do know what blind faith is. I used to just follow orders. Without question. And I did some pretty terrible things. I would never look beyond the plan. Then, of course, when it all came crashing down I found myself lost. I didn’t know what my purpose was anymore. And then one day something changed. Something amazing. I guess I found a family. And I became a father. And in that, I rediscovered my faith. I rediscovered who I am.” BRB crying!

Later in the cafeteria, Jack asks Sexy Pastor, M.D. how he brought together so many people with different ideas of religion. “It’s not about what they believe. It’s what they do,” he reiterates. (I imagine, for a moment, an ending where Jack calls out to the whole world and all living creatures and Heaven and Hell unite to win the final confrontation and make a better world together.)

The tranquil moment is interrupted by the TV turning on to security feed footage of the victim. The timer runs out and she loses another finger and screams and screams. Jack rushes over to the TV and pulls out a USB stick from the back.

Meanwhile, the Winchesters dine with Amara.

They bring up Chuck’s destruction of the other universes and tell her they have a plan to stop him. They’ve got a nephilim on their side AND he’s super powerful. All they need is for Amara to help them trap Chuck and...WHAMMO. Amara gently refuses to betray her brother. She lays some new mythology on them. She and Chuck are twins - creation and destruction - and their splitting apart first brought life into the world. 

Cas and Jack barge into the church’s ex-AV tech’s room. And by that, I mean, Jack gets hurled through another door? Um. Okay. The part of me that grew up with 3 Stooges is HERE FOR IT, tbh. 

They discover the guy is dead, chained up in bed with cuffs, with the word “lust” painted above him.

Getting ready to leave town, Sam’s ready to accept Amara’s choice. Dean “Fuck Acceptance” Winchester heads back inside and corners Amara. He asks why she brought back Mary. 

Amara tells him that she wanted him to see that the apple pie dream life he’s always striving for isn’t real - that Mary was only human - and BETTER because of that. Amara thought that would help him to accept his life. Amara also thought that having Mary back would release Dean from his anger. 

He leans forward and lets her know that he’s furious. Everyone in this universe is trapped, he tells her - including her. And she’s doing nothing. Amara falters in the face of this, and then asks him if she can trust him. “I would never hurt you,” he LIES TO HER FACE. She tells him she’ll think about it.

That evening Sylvia, the pastor’s daughter, listens to her friend gush over the social media attention she’s getting after posting about the torture video. In a flash of rage, Sylvia stabs her friend and races away. Dr. Sexy Pastor finds the current (still alive) victim just as Sylvia catches up to him. She accuses him of laughing at her mother after her mother died from trying to heal by prayer rather than medical science. She accuses him of changing the church that her mother grew up in. Jack jumps into the fray and gets stabbed for his trouble. When Cas arrives, Sylvia is quickly subdued by his Vulcan forehead tap of slumber.

Cas yanks away the restraints from the victim (SOOOO strong) and then heals her fingers back on while the pastor looks on in wonder. 

For So Strong Science:

Later, they gather outside while Sylvia gets taken away in cuffs. The pastor still cares about his daughter and vows to get her help. The driver of the car is Zach the crossroads demon? Oookay. 

Cas and Jack drive home. In the truck of feelings, Cas asks Jack why he couldn’t share during the prayer circle. Jack confesses that he’s been lying. The spell Billie is doing with him is turning him into a bomb to be used against Chuck and Amara. It’ll work - they’ll cease to exist. But Jack will be obliterated too. “This is the only way they’ll ever forgive me,” he tells Cas. 

Cas is horrified. He can’t watch Jack die again! Cas refuses to watch Jack die again, but Jack seems to have fully embraced this as his necessary fate.

Back at the bunker, Dean heads for the whiskey bottle late at night when he spots Cas shuffling towards the exit. Jack’s settled in his room, Cas reports. Cas then tells Dean he’s going to look for “another way.” 

Oh AND, “In case something goes wrong and I don’t make it back, there’s something you and Sam need to know…” 

FADE. TO. BLACK.  

The Se7en Deadly Quotes:

You guys go Highway to Heaven that bitch

You look greener than Baby Yoda

“Did anyone find any tiny bags with chicken bones inside?” “Did anyone smell sulfur?” “Did anyone feel cold?”

There were too many cats

Where can I find the Kool-Aid?

I wanted you to see that your mother was just a person

It was a gift, Dean. Not a trial

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive! 

[fandom-blackhole]

My beloved darling my brain is on overheat, let's get this bread!

Armorer = Andromeda yess, did I tell you that I love your galaxy brain?,

This name can also explains Paz' fixation on the astronomical stuff,

Omg, he'd not only tatoo his babygirl's name but outline of Andromeda galaxy to go with it,

Grogu saying bad words omg,

Next time you and Boba are babysitting him, you are supervising them 25/8,

You let Boba teach Grogu how to swim, since you have a nice huge pool and it does seem harmless right?,

Next second you glance at them, Boba is doing some kind of water wwe with the kiddo, throwing him into the water lol,

LET ME KISS YOUR BRILLIANT MIND,

Also that meme that you've posted earlier of our connected minds is a real manifestation,

Listen, I thought about Rex and Cody too!,

But.. Jaster and Jango omg, honoring great grandpa and grandpa 😍,

Well since you and Boba have a big house, there is no problem with having more than two children,

Omg imagine the future vision of Grogu, Jango, Jaster, Rex and Cody being protective over Andromeda also sibling goals!,

Shit we need names for little Djarins tho,

I believe in you since you came with these brilliant ideas for Paz and Boba's children,

Boba playing guitar and singing for you,

He is secretly a big old fashioned romantic,

Also your jewelry collection must be worth more than entire national reserve lmfao,

Since Boba likes cowboys, space or not, he bought you a pony yeehaaw,

And you've had enough practice with riding, right? 😉,

Paz is really crafty, obviously,

He makes you flowercrowns using flowers from his little garden 🥺,

Boba saw your tumblr and decided to sign up too,

He immediately got attacked in the dms by those obnoxious, p0rn bots,

''Princess, why are random people asking me if I am looking for a sugar daddy? What is this bulshittery'',

You tell him to ignore these messages and that there is no point in responding because these are bots,

He doesn't get it, responding to every single one of them with I WILL FIND WHERE YOU LIVE YOU COCKSUCKER,

He actually commands his best hackers to find who is behind all of this shitshow lol,

No one messes with the Fetts, even bots,

Din doing your make up?,

Since he does a lot of drawing and doodling both in class and with Grogu his skills are pretty decent,

He'd even manage to put fallsies on you!,

I feel that Paz could totally slay your looks,

You'd be beaten to the gods, it's like mixing and adding ingredients so he's got you!,

Boba on the other hand is pro at smudging your lipstick and making your face stained by tears mixed up with mascara 😉,

Also Paz knitting???,

Making cute matching socks for him, you and Aurora and Ad'ika??? 😍,

When Din is home alone he vents to Crest about his existential crisis,

She just throws one of Grogu's plushies at him,

Boba asks if he can post pics of Fennec too,

You agree but under one condition,

You will send him pics done by you that he can post lol,

Paz, Boba and Din brotherly bonding st the shooting range,

They set up a little tournament,

But they all are so good,

Boba and Paz obviously have the work experience, but Din?

Auntie Armorer being a bad ass she is, trained Din and Paz in some martial arts and how to use a gun,

Grogu sneaking up on them and shooting straight bullseye lol,

Getting drunk with them?

Paz, due to his larger frame can drink a lot and still feel somewhat sober,

But when he is wasted he becomes even more of a goofball, wrecking chaos wherever you guys were partying at,

Din becomes drunk easly,

And he gets all blushy on his face,

Also he becomes really touchy and handsy with you 😉,

Boba being drunk?

Yeah, I think he can only become pussydrunk 😳😳😳

Okay sorry darling, but I need to calm down, I became too distracted after the last bit - 🐣

Listen there is no calm over here, and don't apologize for all of this beautiful masterpiece....

So names for Din's kids.... for a girl I like the name Farrah or Luna and for a boy what about Jax??

Boba totally tries to go behind your back and teach little Grogu things

You only find out about them because he tries to teach kids at school the same things and Din freaks out

All of the kids are super close and they all are protective of eachother

Especially little Andromeda, because she's just softer and more caring and she is the target when other kids are around

Rex and Cody are pretty much attached at the hip, doing everything together, and you and Boba aren't sure how but Rex was born with blonde hair, and Cody has a birthmark spanning where his scar is in the movies/show

Boba singing and playing the guitar? Be still my beating heart

Boba singing the the babies to sleep!!!!

Boba owning enough horse for all of you to go horse back riding when ever you want to

Boba has a movie theater in his house

BOBA BEING ON TUMBLR AND JUST GETTING PORN BOTS MESSAGING HIM LEFT AND RIGHT

Boba totally messages them all and tells them to fuck off he already has a princess

Listen Din is actually super good at art, and he loves when you let him do your make up

Grogu loves when Din does HIS makeup

Paz also is so good at making your base makeup look fucking flawless and natural and you aren't sure how he does it

And Boba is the KING of giving you that, just fucked look 😉😉

Paz knitting?!?!? 2739203/10 best image ever

He totally makes Andromeda's baby blanket as well as a bigger matching one for you

Din, Paz, and Boba totally get together every couple of months, especially if they haven't seen eachother in a bit

The Armorer definitely made sure her boys could defend themselves because she didn't want to see them hurt

Grogu is a total natural at shooting, but Boba will claim that he taught it to him because of the babysitting incident

GETTING SMASHED WITH THE BOYS!!

Din definitely can't hold his liquor and he talks so much more with no filter when he is drunk

He also will try to shove his hand down your pants, even if you are in public so watch out

You aren't even sure Boba can get drunk, but he does love drinking with you

Or better yet, drinking you 😉😉

Paz is totally a giggly drunk, and he always thinks he comes up with the best ideas but they are always terrible

But he does come up with some pretty good recipes while drunk

God imagine family dinners with all of the kids and Paz cooking 🥺🥺

Paz would be so overjoyed if you got a tattoo that symbolizes him

You both getting the mando vows tattooed in mando'a!!!!

Bob totally fills all the dad role with the kids so well

You find him telling them stories before bed and giving them each kisses on the forehead

(SEND ME THOTS!!!)

[oneforthemunny]

Hi evie, i hope you feel better!

What are eddie's guilty pleasure shows? I'd imagine modern!eddie unironically loving Euphoria bc Maddie reminds him of mean girl

older!dilf!eddie will ask 1000 questions about the reality show she's watching but refuses to sit down and actual watch it

mafia!eddie loves that new lotr show but wont admit it to anyone (i feel like he'd also old westerns and kitten makes fun of him for liking something so old timey)

cowboy!eddie loves police procedures, all the NCIS spinoffs

cop!eddie loves breaking bad and ozark

rockstar!eddie loves my little pony bc of the girls but hate the fandom lol

janitor!eddie lowkey gives big bob belcher energy so he'd love bob's burgers

omg this is so fun.

ok yes to modern!eddie loving euphoria. mean girl reminds him of maddy and she teases him for being fezco. “max is literally ash come on!”

older!dilf!eddie SWEARS he’s not watching the reality show. “they just scream at each other!” but he’s doing the posted up dad pose. arms crossed, legs out in a stance in front of the tv. will turn to ask “who’s this guy again” “what happened in vail?” and brielle gets so infuriated lol. also very niche but older!eddie?? the BIGGEST tom sandoval hater in the world. had kept up with every bit of it.

mafia!eddie I feel like he would want comforting shows more so than romantic. his job is so insanely gruesome and scary and demanding, he wants something easy. brainless and comforting, where nothing bad happens. so I think he’d like full house a lot. it’s just easy to watch and relax to. not too heavy or brutal or even dramatic.

cowboy!eddie yes, but also like those series they make about true crime cases?? like the act or candy or the dahmer one that just came out. he is a true crime junkie and eats them up.

cop!eddie is so fucking real for that. he loves shows about criminals lol. and reno 911 because that’s how he feels it is at work lol.

rockstar!eddie I’m gonna disagree. he hates kids shows especially like my little pony and straw berry shortcake and “those goddamed barbie movies” which is eddie for fairytopia (that zarah loved). but he does love pirates of the carribean. he was with vega a lot since the other girls were older and he’s like retired, so they chilled (as chill as vega and eddie can be) a lot and he tried to watch the max and ruby and dora but he couldn’t do it, so he was like hmm what’s a disney movie? pirates of the caribbean. most children would have been terrified… not vega. it was loud and exciting and they fought in it, and she fucking ate it up. now eddie watches them all, religiously. at every movie.

janitor!eddie being bobs burgers makes me wanna sob bc that is my favorite show on the entire planet. literally my all time favorite show, my comfort show, everything. I think he’d like adult cartoons like that, and also freaks and geeks. it only had one season but he loves it. he thinks it’s so real lol.

[highfunctioningflailgirl]

My Lethal White episode 1 recap

After having had a lot of fun recapping episode 2, I went back and did episode 1 as well. It got a bit out of hand and is a loooong post...

Under the cut, because, evidently, there will be ALL THE SPOILERS! 🚨

*SQUEEEEE!!!* THEY’RE BACK!!! 🤗💃🏻🙌🏼  (Yes, I’m still squeeing, although this is a rewatch)

Let’s look at the title sequence, shall we? They’ve added a few new details: There’s the wooden cross from the dell, the White Horse of Uffington and Robin’s Houses of Parliament guest pass. The child from Billy’s memories and the pink blanket. Someone’s already mentioned the ‘whore’ swirling in the coffee cup, and then later we have a fencing icon in the pint. Cool hints. 😎

Cut to tired, head-achy Cormoran at the wedding. Strike has a slightly different haircut, and I wonder: they dye Tom’s hair darker for the role, but he has a glint of natural first grey at the temples that I’ve seen on Tom pre-Strike. How did they keep that? (Sorry about the hair kink digression…☺️)

Pet peeve of mine they carried over from Career of Evil: in the book, Donald Laing slashes Strike’s palm, but it didn’t happen in the series. There was no blood on his hand when he called Robin, and his glove was intact. And yet, Strike has his hand bandaged. I know it’s a silly pet peeve of mine, but stuff like that pulls me out of the moment. And Strike wouldn’t slap on a bandage just for a little bruising. *steps off soap box*

“You look beautiful.” - “And you look terrible.” - “It’s this jacket, needs taking in.” 😂

“I want you back.” - “What?” Augh, the double meaning of it all, Strike’s softness and Robin’s initial uncertainty of what he means. 🥺

When she realizes that Matt deleted Strike’s messages, there’s a tear spilling from her eye, and she quickly wipes it away. 😢 Such good acting. Such a brave girl.

A few of us have already addressed this in the chat: did Matt BLOCK Strike, or delete his calls and messages? Or both? They’re frustratingly unclear about this detail, and it makes a difference in terms of Strike being able to reach her or not. (I’m a continuity nerd, sorry)

Sarah standing next to Matthew. *gags*

Robin looks so beautiful! And so very sad. (Holliday is acting her heart out of this season, can’t say it enough). This is award material, hands-down. 🏆

Her look across the room at Cormoran while they’re eating! And he’s… just been staring at her all through the meal? Good god. These two.

If Cormoran falls asleep before dessert he’s got to be really, REALLY tired.☺️ Poor baby.

We’ve got to work on your fine dining skills, Cormoran darling! It’s very cowboy and rugged, handling cutlery like that, but you would SINK during an aristocracy under-cover op. Maybe the Comte de la Fère is available for a lesson?

The first chords of The Calling’s “Wherever you will go”. Ack. They really went for the original, and as someone who’s always been ridiculously in love with that cheesy song, I AM HERE FOR IT.

Cormoran walking slow-mo past the bridesmaids, looking at Robin dancing with Matt The Twat. My heart…💔

When I’m gone you’ll need love to light the shadows on your face… *sniff*

Cormoran’s FACE during the dance. I can’t. He looks like a puppy about to get shot. 🥺

(and what a juxtaposition to the little lady with the funny hat bobbing happily next to him, to everyone looking awww and being completely ignorant of the drama that’s playing out. Ugh. I’m dead.)

Matthew moves like someone who’s (painstakingly) learned exactly one (1) dance, and for their wedding only, and why is he even smiling so proudly? They must’ve just had the biggest row in history? Is he really so full of himself?

Even Robin is smiling, although staring longingly at Strike. I bet they did that so Strike would be a little mad at her and want to walk away.

AND HE DOES! 😟 You can just see the “Fuck this” from the book crossing his face as he turns around and leaves. Ack. I’m dead again.

If I could then I would, I’ll go wherever you will go

(Perfectly placed, kudos) 👏🏼

And she runs after him, looking like a fairy-tale princess. Did you see how frigging COLD it must’ve been, judging by her breath?! Poor Holliday must have been freezing to death during the shoot. And then to pull off such a heartbreaking scene…

(Also, the lawn in the park? A shitload of rolled sods. No grass looks this lusciously green in winter, and you can see the edges everywhere. Some landscaper had a field day there!)

“Are you sure?” - “Yeah. I am.” About WHAT, you idiots?! *wrings hands* To her coming back to work, of course, but there’s so much more to their statements. And I’m sure that non-book-readers thought they were about to kiss and elope, but - alas! - we know that’s not going to happen.😔

But at least we get The Hug™️, and it’s everything we hoped for: Robin crying, digging her fingers into his jacket; Cormoran closing his eyes… God help us, we are all DOOMED sailing this ship! 🙈💔

I was a little miffed upon first watching that they faded out of that hug so quickly. That was it? No, it wasn’t, as we now know, and I love, love, love that we’re getting all these extended flashbacks that reveal more and more of what happened to us!

ONE BLOODY YEAR LATER (I still can’t get over that time jump)

Lol at the subcontractor crashing his moped into the cab! It was only briefly mentioned in the book, and turning it into an actual dialogue was a fun idea.😂

And there’s Denise (that IS her, right?), completely uninterested in doing her job. Good grief - Strike and Robin are BAD a picking employees! 🙈

Robin looking not-jealous-at-all at Strike walking off with Lorelei. Ouch.

I like Lorelei, btw. They chose the actress well, and she’s nice and mature. Which doesn’t mean that I’m not secretly flinching every time she kisses Cormoran. It’s just not right.

Billy. Joseph Quinn does an incredible job playing him. 👏🏼 As dangerous as he appears at first, his despair and his efforts at holding himself together are heartbreaking. That battle he wages against his mental illness is on full display, and his scared big eyes are killing me. 🥺

Cormoran is admirably unfazed by Billy’s appearance - is that his Army training kicking in? Robin, though, is shaking but braving it out, recording with her phone although her hands are trembling. Good acting by Holliday.

Good riddance, Denise.

The good ole’ pencil trick. “I didn’t know people still did this.” 😌

I was surprised that Cormoran chose to simply break into the house on Charlemont road. It’s breaking and entering for no good reason. Could’ve been anybody’s home.

He’s not going to- EWW! He’s sitting down on that filthy couch. And plucking hairs from it. EWW!🤢

Robin: “...and some porn.” 😂 Says it as if it’s what they always find. The usual. Men… 🙄

Who’s the guy taking pictures of Cormoran? I seriously don’t remember this from the b- Oh, WAIT! Reporter guy. Patterson. Yeah. Him.

The CORE members are as cliché in their looks as are Chiswell’s upper class folks. It’s all a bit on the nose for my taste, but then clichés are clichés for a reason.

Cormoran needs to work on his disguises. Not fitting in at all with the CORE crowd, age-wise or in his look. No wonder they don’t trust him. He does it better in the books.

Oh Robin. I actually think you need a lot more therapy to work through your shit.

Ah, here we go. Seaborn bacteria. But first, Matt’s got to be a prick again. 🙄

Chiswell with his arrogance and his rudeness and his finger-snapping. *shakes head* I think if Cormoran hadn’t known he could make some serious money with this case, he may have walked out on him.

Btw, the “large” jacket is making Strike look slimmer instead of bigger. 😄 They’re so desperately mentioning Strike’s largeness, as if beating it over our heads could actually make us not see barely-6-foot and slender Tom Burke.

“Couple more potatoes wouldn’t hurt.” And his FACE! 🥰

Glenister is a really good actor. I always listen to the Strike audiobooks that he narrates, and I was worried hearing his voice in the show would be confusing, but it’s not because he sounds so different. Can’t wait for him reading “Troubled Blood” to me! 🎧

Is it a coincidence that Drummond’s art gallery has a painting of a horse in its front window? I think not.

I love that soft blue shirt they put Cormoran in. Makes him look very huggable. *blushes*

“Not sure I would make a convincing goddaughter either.”😂

So in England you can just walk up to a minister’s house and ring the doorbell without any security people stopping you? Interesting.

Chiswell just shutting the door in Cormoran’s face. RUDE.😠

The brown contact lenses. 👀 Okay, they make her look different, but not THAT different. It’s her sudden posh accent that’s the real stunner.

The panic attacks. Holliday plays them so well, I almost feel like I can’t breathe myself. 😧

I was expecting the Houses of Parliament to look a little less like a stuffy basement full of old junk. *ducks*

Barclay! Definitely looking more attractive than his description in the book. And I thought I’d gotten food at understanding Scottish. I haven’t. *turns subtitles on*

Izzy is the only Chiswell offspring who doesn’t make me want to immediately vomit.

“Venetia. Like the blinds.” Oh God. 🙈

Winn is such a creep. 🤮 Poor Robin. GET AWAY FROM HER YOU LEECH!

Of course Matt doesn’t want Robin to wear the Green Dress. Twat.🙄

The house warming party. I always wonder why Robin doesn’t have friends of her own. I have a feeling Matt has something to do with that.

The earrings. So we will see Robin finding out Matt’s cheating on her! I can’t wait for her to rip him a new one! 😈

Robin calls Cormoran - and it’s not Coco but Lorelei who picks up. That’s a smart change from the book. And it makes her the rebound girl. Which she doesn’t deserve, but it is what it is.

“And she bakes.” 🥴 Is it just me wondering how Lorelei got that cake into the tin without ruining the icing?!

Flashback to The Hug™️. God, their faces are so close. Cormoran is so soft. Nnnnhhhggggg.

Enter the plaid shirt. Lumber!Cormoran is a good look on him! 😍

The Armchair of Sadness™️. Of course that’s where the devastating phone call to Robin’s house happens! The disbelief and disappointment on Cormoran’s face is heart rending. 😢💔

@lulacat3 and I have already established the continuity error with Cormoran’s facial injuries suddenly missing when he’s reached the pub. (And they should still be there; he’s still wearing the plaid shirt from that same evening.) If I were the makeup person I would have been deeply regretful of having missed dabbing fake injuries on Tom’s face again.

The Uffington Horse. Robin’s in appropriate Wellingtons, weather jacket and a beanie for their outing. Cormoran is wearing what he always wears, and Tom clearly wishes he had a beanie. At least he gets to wear a t-shirt under his eternally blue shirts this season. REVOLUTION! 😄

Sure. Let’s just go and dig for a corpse with a shovel so conveniently available! Just the two of them - one delicate Robin and one invalid. And then Robin finds the bones after ten seconds of digging. No further comment. 🙄

But I like the change with Cormoran’s leg. As stupidly heroic as he acted in the book, I like it better in the show where he has to acknowledge his handicap and Robin takes charge.

The bones. Dun-dun-DUN!

(Good first episode, although all in all the pacing wasn’t quite right yet, and compared to the book it all felt a bit rushed. I liked episode two better.)

[finn-ray-nal-beads]

Two thoughts for your garbage fire extraordinarie!

I would love hear your worst holiday lines for your unholy trinity! “Santa’s not the only packing a big sack,” etc!

Or, if you want a break from that shit lol. Here’s one of my personal Clyde HCs that you use as you please! Since you asked...

So, I’m not not super into dad kink myself, but I totally see Clyde as been like super dominant, but polite about it lol. Things like “maybe if ya tell me real nice why you think ya deserve to cum, I’ll let ya.” Or “now, ya just know how much I hate doin’ this to ya, darlin,’ but ya had to keep goin.’” “Ya know good n’ well that a lady’s supposed to say ‘please’ when she’s askin’ for my cock.”

I also think he’s a freak in the sheets with one of the filthiest mouths and I think he has a breeding kink! He’s gonna give you a lot more than just a present under the tree and he’ll make sure “your Christmas is gonna be extra white this year, lil’ darlin.’”

I feel ashamed.

FUCKIN OMG @safarigirlsp I LOVE THIS TIME OF THE WEEK BECAUSE OF THE DEPRAVITY BETWEEN OUR BOYS AND THEIR STUPID CATCHPHRASES! SO AS AN XMAS GIFT TO YOU AND EVERYONE SURROUNDING THE GARBAGE FIRE IM GONNA ANSWER ALL THE QUESTIONS FROM THESE CRAZY AU’S TO THE BEST OF MY CRACK BRAIN KNOWLEDGE!

HERE WE FUCKIN’ GO! 😂

Favorite one liners from our holy trinity....

The first being our resident Sea Fury, Capt. Flip SS “Blowhole” Zimmerman BDE, who now that I think about it must not really know what Xmas is, given that he sails the seas constantly and could give a rat’s ass about holidays in general. After all, he’s got treasure to find for himself and no time to dilly dally with stupid festivities such as Christmas. 

Sure, there’s an occasional snow storm on the high seas, which freeze him and his crew’s dingle berries to raisins when it blows through, but there’s no lights surrounding the massive Jolly Roger, no festive music of any kind because he runs a tight ass ship, clean as a fuckin’ whistle at all times with no fuckin’ funny business, except in the case of fuckin’ around with you that is. 

On the eve of the 25th, pirate time, the both of you are settled in your dining hall, a feast of succulent seafoods, baked to perfection via the resident cook on the ship, lay before your starving eyes. 

Your clad in one of your synched corsets, hardly able to gulp down the wine he’d poured because the waist is knotted so damn tight, causing your tits to practically explode onto the table, like he would so badly welcome at this point. 

He sits perched in his captain’s chair, dressed in his finest buccaneer garb, feathered hat and all, swirling his chalice as he devours your body with his eyes in the candle light. 

Watching your every move as you choke down the drink, throat moving to push down the liquor as you take a deep inhale, expanding your gravid chest as you push your self more into the seating. 

Noticing your boobs bounce with every motion you make to add food to your plate, the ebbs and flows of your soft tits as they beg to be set free from their cage. 

His cock twitches in his pantaloons as he catches himself boring into your chest, clearing his throat to take a swig of his wine as well, before gathering himself back into reality. 

“Where did ya go sailor?” chuckling as you watched him chug his spirits down his gullet, watching his Adam’s Apple bob as you salivated thinking about sucking a huge bruise on the appendage. 

He forced the glass on the table, shaking the food as he exhaled from his gulps, gathering his thoughts for a moment and then turning back to your position, eyes darkened with mischief. 

“I was... thinking,” he cooed, spreading his thighs wide, showing the mast that had erupted in his pants, “I heard the men conversing about this day being a special one of sorts,” taking his hat from his head to run his thick fingers through his hair. 

“And?” you paused from taking a bite of shrimp before he continued further, “what does this have to do with what you were staring me down for Phillip?” cocking your head to the side as he watched your tits waver from your motions. 

“I was thinking of making it a special one for us as well, my sweet siren,” cooing as he leaned himself closer to your side of the table, “what do ya say ya sit on ol’ captain’s mast and tell him your deepest desires?” coaxing a finger to lead you to his thick meaty thighs as you blushed, thinking about him impaling your pussy on his whale cock. 

Now onto our noble land warrior, This Is Sparta... 

I had to do some digging on this one because I know the Spartan’s had several festivals they celebrated because of their many Gods and Goddesses they worshipped and made sacrifices to... So, the closest I found was the tradition of Gymnopaedia (or the festival of naked youths as it’s translated) which is celebrated for over a week and honoring the three mythical beings Apollo, Artemis, and their mother, Leto and showcased bachelors and their marital and athletic capabilities (similar to the Olympics but naked) to the single women of the city of Sparta. 

SO LET’S HAVE SOME FUN WITH BACHELOR WARRIOR FLIP SHOWIN’ OFF THE GOODS TO HIS BRIDE TO BE! 

The streets were fraught with nude and glistening warriors of all abilities. Their bulging muscles, thick meaty thighs, and their endowments on display for all the thirsty women of the city to pick and choose their best suitors. 

You sat perched in your spot as you surveyed the music and majesty before you. A face in a crowd of hundreds of hungry women, each devouring their male counterparts, itching to be filled with their potent seed as they tossed discus and arrows to show their strength and protective capabilities. 

None of them were catching your eyes, however, even if they all were desperate for the attention, demonstrating their wares for the most beautiful woman in the village. 

Each begging to be the apple of your eye, practically injuring themselves as they showcased their endurance and stamina to get you to pick one of them from the crowd of body oil and testicles. 

You sighed, shooing away the suitors one by one, earning scoffs and side eyes from the other women, telling you to stop being so picky or else your womb will dry up from your negative outlook on the sea of cocks clouding your vision. 

You craved something. You weren’t sure what it was, but you desired a man whom desired you in the least desperate sense. Who cherished your independence, your thoughts, your body, and your soul. None of these suitors were capable of fulfilling your womb in that sense, so you kept with the shooing as you searched for your perfect mate. 

Suddenly, a valiant warrior appeared from the crowd, his muscles rippled and his cock swinging at attention as he made his way to the front of the line of men. 

His hair and inky frame over his chiseled face as he bent over to grip the disc laying in wait, encircling the rock with his humongous hands as his back and legs flexed from him lifting the weight above his head. 

Your womb ached as you watched him effortlessly throw the object further and more accurate than any of the other boys present during this festival of games, the heat causing a bead of sweat to form over your heaving tits clasped under your white robes. 

He huffed as he descended from his perch, moving his way to the crowd of hungry women, each fawning over his size and strength as they clawed to get his attention. 

He paid them no mind, zeroing in on your goddess-like posture, not giving him a single indication that you were interested, even if inside you wanted to scrape the ever loving fuck out of his thick pectorals. 

Your eyes met as he trudged through the seas of desperate cries and declarations of love from the girls below you, pushing them off like flies as he came to your eye level. 

You crossed your legs, pushing your chest out like the lady you were, not breaking eye contact with the brave soldier before you. 

“Y/N,” he muttered out amongst the music and cheer, his face the picture of seriousness as he spoke it to you. 

“Phillip,” you recanted back, smoothing your garment over your midsection, only to look back up to see his cock, half hard and leaned to the left, precum leaking from the tip as his pecs rose and fell from his glistening chest. 

“Will you join me in a dance?” moving a large hand in front of him as he begged you with his darkened eyes, to move off your throne of sorts, “please,” his voice changed slightly in desperation for your delicate hand. 

You sat there, taking in the moment as it came, moving a hand to envelope in his as you lifted your effervescent figure to come to his nude form, feeling his cock press against your thigh as he took you in his arms. 

“This way my dove,” he calmly led you through the mess of scowls and scoffs from the other bachelorettes, knowingly irritated at the fact that you’d bagged the hottest and most fertile warrior in the city. 

It was the best festival week of your entire life, ending with the betrothal between the both of you, sealed by the Gods themselves. 

(I’m sorry there’s no funny catchphrase I couldn’t find a way to weasel it in this kind of story lmao, but I did say cock a lot so there’s that!)

And last but certainly not least, the Holy Ghost himself, Rootin’ Tootin’ Shootin’ Cowboy Rustler Flip Zimmerman (Huckleberry) 

It was a good ol’ fashioned country Christmas on the homestead, complete with snow, ice, and of course you tied up on the dining room table being stuffed seven different ways to Sunday like a holiday honey ham. 

You’d already sustained your precious cowboy mercilessly face fucking you, cumming an unholy amount deep in your throat, the remnants mixing with your saliva as you laid spread wide open on the wood furniture. 

Your breath heaving from your chest as you begged for Flip to continue his holiday quest of stuffing you full of him for Christmas. 

“P-please Phil!” you begged, exhausted and wishing he’d touch you in the spot you so badly craved, “I-I!” stammering as he chuckled above you, lighting a cigarette, with is cowboy hat atop his head, and his naked hulking body heaving from his attack on your precious mouth. 

“Ya know I love it when ya beg ta be stuffed like a Christmas stocking ma sweet vixen,” inhaling a drag of sweet nicotine as he watched your cunt gasp for his cock, dripping in anticipation as he made himself hard again watching your asshole pucker from the air in the room. 

“Yer lil’ pussy’s beggin’ for me ain’t she?” he exhaled a cloud, gripping his half hard dick, smearing the remnants of your spit on his girth as he threw his head back form his own touch, “beggin’ to be stuffed like that damn turkey in the oven,” he cooed, ashing his filter in the tray by the doorway, rubbing his hands together as he surveyed your pretty figure, laid out for him. 

“She o-only wants y-you,” whining as you tried to wrench your head around to see where he’d found himself, hoping he was mere inches away from your heat as you writhed in your restraints. 

“Mhmm,” he mused, running his thick hands on your ass, smoothing the skin as he reared one hand to slap it with all the might he could, the ripple from the heat of the blow causing an instant five-star to bloom on the pristine cheek. 

“I love these honey hams a yours darlin’,” he cooed, slapping the other cheek to match its twin, “there so, juicy,” eyes growing dark as he drank in your whines from the pained blows you’d sustained. 

Stilling your hips to prod his thick cock at your weeping hole, the pressure causing you to lose your ever loving mind as you felt him penetrate your walls with a painfully slow motion, making your cunt eat him centimeter by centimeter. 

“P-Phil!” screaming out and begging for more friction, trying to break free from your expertly knotted ties on the legs of the table. 

“Uh huh darlin’,” he tsked, still inching himself in as you cried out into the living room, “naughty girls don’t get presents, don’t ya remember how the song goes sugar?” he chuckled, stilling himself for what seemed like hours before he started his assault on your tight little hole. 

HOLY. FUCKING. SHIT. I CANNOT EVEN REMEMBER WHAT I WROTE I HOPE IT’S DECENT ENOUGH TO BE WORTHY OF THE WHALE COCK VIBES! 

🖤,

ray-nal-beads