#hes just so very uncool and i love him for it 😌

[good-beanswrites]

A little comedy drabble for @kyanako5972 in return for their very impressive musical skills! (The Jailbreak mix wouldn't have fit together without ya👍) Fuuta gets his hands on some slime... They've done some art for it here :3

[I couldn't think of something funny enough, but insert broadway bootleg Milgram Slime Tutorial joke here]

Fuuta was open-minded. Of course he was. He was the most open-minded guy here. He knew that vengeance could come in many shapes. Sometimes it took the form of beautiful, poetic violence. Sometimes it was cutting words and a grand victory. And other times, it appeared as sticky craft slime. You just had to have an open mind to see it.

Not everyone was in as receptive of a mood. 

“A-are you sure it’s not a, a toy?” Haruka asked.

“It’s not.”

“B-but,” he pointed, “it’s --”

“No! It’s a weapon.”

“I don’t know if you know what a weapon is…” Amane looked down at the table. “You couldn’t have requested something a bit more… sharp?”

“Eh!? This is a pri-son. Like they’re gonna give me something like that. I’ve got to take matters into my own hands.”

To prove his point, he picked up his creation. The color wasn’t as flashy as the others’, but it held the perfect consistency for what he needed. It had taken some time to formulate the perfect plan of attack. There were rules he had to work around, after all. (No matter how open-minded he was, rules were rules.) There was a no-violence ban. Fuuta had already tested that one -- several times, actually -- and was sure he couldn’t get around it. Their requests were monitored, and it wasn’t as if he could go and order weapons. And then, even if he did get his hands on something truly dangerous, the original ban would stop him from using it. That left him with only one option.

“It’s definitely a toy. The others are playing with it.” It was true, Haruka, Muu and Yuno had their own colorful creations. Amane herself hadn’t grabbed any, though she sat with her eyes glued hungrily on the others’ projects. Her interest in it wasn’t helping Fuuta’s case.

“Exactly, it’s the perfect disguise! They’ll never see it coming.”

“There’s nothing to see coming…”

Muu poked at hers. “Look~ Mine’s cute and pink, see? I’m even going to add some glitter when Haruka’s finished with it.”

“I-I Uh, I think I added too much… sorry…” Haruka’s slime had lost all appealing texture, turned into a clumpy, sparkling mess.

Fuuta heaved the loudest sigh he could manage, but the others continued paying him no mind. He was doing this for them, shouldn’t they care? Es had slapped Haruka during his interrogation, for god’s sake! That was child abuse! Yuno was only a year older and returned from her interrogation with complaints of violence! And Fuuta --! Well, he actually hadn’t experienced any of that, but that didn’t matter. No hero of justice would let all that go unpunished. 

His moment came quicker than expected. He’d planned on ambushing Es coming in or out of their room, but they surprised everyone by coming into the common area. It was fate.

“I heard you all were playing with some crafts in here.”

Amane glanced at Fuuta. He shot her a look back that meant “don’t say a single word.” His exaggerated expression only drew Es’ attention.

“Something to say, prisoner three?”

“Yeah!” He wound up his arm. 

He had an open mind, but not necessarily a quick one. With more time, he could have come up with a righteous cry, something along the lines of: “this is for Haruka and Yuno, you damned scoundrel!” Or even: “meet your judgment, tyrant!”

But as the slime came careening toward’s Es’ face, the only thing he managed was, “fuck you!”

Splat.

The common room fell silent. Fuuta froze. The slime had hit its mark perfectly. It hit Es squarely on the side of the head. It splattered onto their hat. A good deal had tangled itself in their hair. It oozed toward their shoulder, clumps falling onto the uniform. As they tried to wipe it from their face, the material clung to their gloves, getting stuck between their fingers. 

Their eyes moved slowly from their ruined clothes to Fuuta’s still outstretched hand, to his face. “I see.”

They turned on their heel and left.

“That’ll teach ya!” He called out, a moment too late after they’d gone. He turned to Amane, who was watching with a mix of amusement and disappointment. “There’s no way that stuff’s washing out easy. Maybe they’ll have to put on a spare uniform in the meantime.” 

“You shouldn’t have made them so mad,” she said.

“Pah! What’s the brat gonna do? Name me guilty over it?”

[elliotts-pocket-crab]

I posted 1,831 times in 2022

That's 1,134 more posts than 2021!

203 posts created (11%)

1,628 posts reblogged (89%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@user-mimi

@dewwydelcra

@cheese-farm

@stardewcowboy

@gothitelle-goddess

I tagged 194 of my posts in 2022

#stardew valley shane - 42 posts

#stardew valley elliott - 41 posts

#stardew valley hcs - 37 posts

#elliott stardew valley - 31 posts

#stardew valley harvey - 29 posts

#stardew valley emily - 29 posts

#stardew elliott - 29 posts

#sdv elliott - 28 posts

#stardew sebastian - 26 posts

#stardew valley haley - 25 posts

Longest Tag: 107 characters

#elliott pls come read me the stories yourself instead so i can pretend it wasnt my plan all along to cuddle

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Elliott headcannons cus hes my babygirl

His favorite color is wine red and he'll give you a whole speech on why its such a great color because of the passion and emotion associated with it (him and leah have super serious discussions about colors for whatever reason at the saloon when they're tipsy)

(MILDLY NSFW ONE!) he will nearly lose his balance and collapse if you grab his hips to bring him closer

He read pride and prejudice as a teen (like 15,16) and switched up his whole aesthetic forever and based everything around being a romantic and elegant prince charming

He has a diary and he's so fucking extra that he only uses a fancy expensive fountain pen to write in it. He bulk buys ink cartridges. Just to keep up his aesthetic.

I've said this before but i think smooth operator by sade is his favorite song

M'boy can flirt back and forth all day but he's so touch starved that he'll be a whole other person if you kiss him or something

He watches soap operas and shitily produced indie romance movies

265 notes - Posted September 9, 2022

#4

Okay I’ve got another one. Headcanons for how the candidates would react to seeing the farmer getting hot and sweaty for the first time? (While working of course 😉) Causing them to get flustered while farmer is confused. 😂😌

I wanted to draw a little visual comic for this scenario but I can't fucking draw so if anyone wants to draw this as well as my other hc scenarios PLEASE DO!

Ok ladies first!!

Haley: the farmer would be clueless per usual, thinking 'oh no, Haley probably thinks I'm all gross right now!' But she silently adores your work effort and watches you swing your scythe and cut down your wheat. She thinks you're so strong and gazes at you from afar on the porch stuck in a shameless daydream about you. She'll make you lemonade as an excuse to come closer.

Emily: she'd openly tell you she likes your "natural smell", assuring you that it's a good smell. You think it's kinda strange, but you're glad she doesn't mind. She loves to see you focused and in action. Try not to act weirded out if she just comes up, wraps her arms around your neck and takes a big ol whiff

Abigail: 'that's so... hot...' she's completely riled up by seeing you like this! Her face would be burning red! Don't be surprised if she asks you randomly tonight if you want kids or not.

Leah: she likes to watch you chop down trees. She compares it to how she makes her sculptures and how very different it is. Her work is about being delicate with the wood and yours is about chopping and swinging. When you walk up to her afterwards she tries to play it cool and not let you know how hot she thought you looked

Maru: she adores seeing you so enamored in your work! It's more in a romantic and wholesome way though, she'll stop by and bring you a wet towel and dab it on your face in the hot summer, then she'll kiss your forehead

Penny: penny is the most flustered, her heart's pounding like crazy and if you try to talk to her she'll be a stuttering mess. Somehow the farmer doesn't see what's going on.

Da boys:

Shane: he's so attracted, like after seeing you working up a sweat he'll be in the best mood. Marnie will ask him what's got him in such a good mood. He'll give you a peck on your sweaty cheek but try not to look too uncool. He's resisting the farmer-loving urge to scoop you up and give you a million kisses

Elliot: seeing you like that will encourage him to throw you a surprise romantic dinner on any given day. You're his motivation to work harder on his book, once you start working he's compelled to do the same.

Harvey: there's nothing he loves more than watching you be so strong. He loves his strong farmer, and it seriously gets him going. He's super embarrassed about fantasizing about you like this, but its hard to think of anything else when he sees you like that. He's one of those people whos constantly nervous that someone can read their dirty thoughts in public and just hopes you arent a mind reader.

Sebastian: all he can think of is how attracted to you he is and how much he hopes he's not blushing. He thinks it's too embarrassing to blush and doesn't like to show it, so he's constantly flipping his hair into his face and pushing it away so you can't see his expression

Sam: he'll try to distract you in a way that distracts him from how hot you look. "Hey look at this skate trick!" While you're trying to pick your tomatoes so he doesn't allow his face to start looking like a tomato

Alex: openly flirting with you telling you how hot you look. He doesn't go too far, not as far as he'd like to go, just some sweet little comments here and there

278 notes - Posted May 15, 2022

#3

I love emily and her little skateboarder doodle she drew on the message😭❤️

379 notes - Posted October 29, 2022

#2

Why did i come up with this at 4am

713 notes - Posted August 4, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

717 notes - Posted July 18, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[elliotts-pocket-crab]

Okay I’ve got another one. Headcanons for how the candidates would react to seeing the farmer getting hot and sweaty for the first time? (While working of course 😉) Causing them to get flustered while farmer is confused. 😂😌

I wanted to draw a little visual comic for this scenario but I can't fucking draw so if anyone wants to draw this as well as my other hc scenarios PLEASE DO!

Ok ladies first!!

Haley: the farmer would be clueless per usual, thinking 'oh no, Haley probably thinks I'm all gross right now!' But she silently adores your work effort and watches you swing your scythe and cut down your wheat. She thinks you're so strong and gazes at you from afar on the porch stuck in a shameless daydream about you. She'll make you lemonade as an excuse to come closer.

Emily: she'd openly tell you she likes your "natural smell", assuring you that it's a good smell. You think it's kinda strange, but you're glad she doesn't mind. She loves to see you focused and in action. Try not to act weirded out if she just comes up, wraps her arms around your neck and takes a big ol whiff

Abigail: 'that's so... hot...' she's completely riled up by seeing you like this! Her face would be burning red! Don't be surprised if she asks you randomly tonight if you want kids or not.

Leah: she likes to watch you chop down trees. She compares it to how she makes her sculptures and how very different it is. Her work is about being delicate with the wood and yours is about chopping and swinging. When you walk up to her afterwards she tries to play it cool and not let you know how hot she thought you looked

Maru: she adores seeing you so enamored in your work! It's more in a romantic and wholesome way though, she'll stop by and bring you a wet towel and dab it on your face in the hot summer, then she'll kiss your forehead

Penny: penny is the most flustered, her heart's pounding like crazy and if you try to talk to her she'll be a stuttering mess. Somehow the farmer doesn't see what's going on.

Da boys:

Shane: he's so attracted, like after seeing you working up a sweat he'll be in the best mood. Marnie will ask him what's got him in such a good mood. He'll give you a peck on your sweaty cheek but try not to look too uncool. He's resisting the farmer-loving urge to scoop you up and give you a million kisses

Elliot: seeing you like that will encourage him to throw you a surprise romantic dinner on any given day. You're his motivation to work harder on his book, once you start working he's compelled to do the same.

Harvey: there's nothing he loves more than watching you be so strong. He loves his strong farmer, and it seriously gets him going. He's super embarrassed about fantasizing about you like this, but its hard to think of anything else when he sees you like that. He's one of those people whos constantly nervous that someone can read their dirty thoughts in public and just hopes you arent a mind reader.

Sebastian: all he can think of is how attracted to you he is and how much he hopes he's not blushing. He thinks it's too embarrassing to blush and doesn't like to show it, so he's constantly flipping his hair into his face and pushing it away so you can't see his expression

Sam: he'll try to distract you in a way that distracts him from how hot you look. "Hey look at this skate trick!" While you're trying to pick your tomatoes so he doesn't allow his face to start looking like a tomato

Alex: openly flirting with you telling you how hot you look. He doesn't go too far, not as far as he'd like to go, just some sweet little comments here and there