#hey if one person tells me to put my staged finale rant in a separate post and finish it i will because goddammit it's one of the only thin

[painless-innit-colourful]

oooo ok:

🙂, 👼, 🧨, 💏, and also the question about staged finale, the emoji wasn't showing up for me.

Thanks for the ask!

🙂 - Should Dream get a redemption arc?

NO! :) I want to see that motherf'cker absolutely go to town on the big bad evil front. I'm talking the return of the S2 dominance and control, perhaps flavoured with some of the string-pulling puppet master of S1 - hiding in the walls, hiding in the walls. I really liked the Sam Prison streams because it brought that back: the lying, the manipulation, the brutality. I want that b'stard to stand at the top of the world and laugh, and then I want him to have his throne pulled out from under him, and I want to watch him fall and die surrounded by the people he once called friends. So yeah, I don't want a c!Dream redemption arc. I want him to be worse, and then I want him to be killed by Sapnap or Tubbo or Tommy. I don't think there's a satisfying ending to the DSMP where Dream is redeemed.

👼 - Should Friend/Shroud/Michael/Fran be off limits for greifing?

My answer here is going to be pretty similar to someone else's I've seen, but it is as follows: Friend no, Shroud, Michael and Fran yes. Friend has died so many times now it basically doesn't matter: Ghostbur's in limbo, so the main emotional crux is gone, and besides, Friend has infinite canon lives :') Shroud doesn't really matter lore-wise, nor do we know if cc!Tommy is attached to him (he seems to be, but he's perpetually semi-in-character on the DSMP), but we inniters here on tumblr have become so attached I will personally go to war for that spider. Michael, to quote Technoblade, is a BABY. Killing him would be so depressing. I liked the kidnapping plot because we got to see Tubbo go off but thank goodness he's home safe. And finally, Fran deserves pensioner's protection. She's been around so long, the server's oldest pet deserves to retire from this bs and chill.

🧨 - Who is most at fault for November 16th?

Okay, here we go. A lot of people share blame for the undue... everything that happened on Nov 16th. Wilbur, Schlatt, Philza, Bad and Antfrost, Eret (from previous events); I could go on about all of them for a while. But if I had to narrow it down, it would absolutely be Dream and Technoblade. I firmly believe the point of no return was crossed when Techno fired at Tubbo. In that moment, the peace shattered. Wilbur heard it from the button room, and I bet in his mind it was the last piece of confirmation he needed to be convinced the old, peaceful, wonderful L'Manberg was dead and buried. In fact, it was in the moments before Techno shot that Dream dropped in that there in fact was a traitor! Maybe, just maybe, someone would've worked out where Wilbur was if Techno hadn't started monologing...

But on the level above Techno, supreme sh't himself, Dream. He egged Techno into attacking on Nov 16th while Tubbo was making his speech. He pushed Wilbur down his dark path from the shadows and provided him with the TNT. He supported Schlatt after obtaining the revive book, let him die in the camarvan, then laughed when L'Manberg exploded. He orchestrated everyone's downfalls. Right before he died, Wilbur said "Manberg didn't win, Pogtopia didn't win. I won." Really, I think the winner in this war was Dream.

💏 - Is TNTduo /r?

YES. OH MY GOD. Okay, romantic? Maybe not (as the aromantic in the room, I'm contractually obligated to say that), but! They absolutely did it during Manberg/Pogtopia. Sorry Wilbur Soot. I refuse to believe there was not an affair, in which two stressed out, tired idiots with too much sexual tension ran into each other in the wrong place at the right time and decided, "f'ck it." Enhances the Las Nevadas viewing experience immensely. That's just how it is when you both know something about each other no one else in the room does.

🥸 - Did Staged Finale negatively impact Punz/Tommy's character arc?

Okay, you should have not have enabled me to talk about the Staged Finale thing, because I have had this rant simmering since November. I don't think it really negatively affects Tommy's arc - Punz and him didn't interact much during S3. However! My second biggest issue with it is that it means Punz's character doesn't really make any sense in hindsight. And my biggest issue with it is that it really messes with the theme of the season being attachment.

Firstly, Punz. Before Staged Finale, I quite liked Punz. A mercenary whom Dream was far too trusting of, originally keeping tabs on the L'Manbergians (who remembers the S P Y tweet from the eve of Doomsday?) who either receives a bigger payout from Tommy, or takes pity on the kid, and leads the greater population of the SMP to Dream's evil lair just in time to save them. I personally like the latter interpretation: it later lined up even better when, after Punz was told Tommy was killed in the prison, he said "But I saved him..." despite being very under the Egg's influence. And his Egg involvement was cool!

And then Staged Finale happened, and he was just... on Dream's side the whole time? What, he got monumentally distracted by the Egg? Dream didn't seem to trust him to get him out in the first place, considering how he left the blueprints specifically in a place Techno would recognise. And the bit that really annoys me is that Tommy death line. There's no need for that line. Punz is in with the Eggpire, and Puffy's already p'ssed at them. He doesn't need to prove anything to anyone. Why say it if you genuinely didn't care about the kid? And then, when Dream gets out, they're all buddy buddy again. It doesn't line up to me.

(I am not going to talk at length about how little sense Staged Finale makes overall because I need to eat at some point tonight, but just know I think it makes no sense. Why the hell would you intentionally get yourself trapped in a maximum security prison. Why would you want the whole server to see you about to kill someone they generally like. None of it makes a lick of sense and I like to ignore it at every opportunity.)

And finally, my theme rant. Themes in media and literature mean a lot to me. The theme of S2 is Attachment, and it's the easiest one to determine. The whole season is laced with it: the pursuit of the discs, the compasses representing Tommy and Tubbo's attachment to the other, the Butcher Army threatening Carl, New L'Manberg and Ghostbur and Friend and Doomsday, and the goddam hall of attachments in the finale. Dream even tells Tommy he's important because he brought countries and caring for items and pets and attachment to the server. Attachment is the key.

Tommy's interactions with this theme are always that it's worth it, even when it hurts. He has to keep pursuing the discs. He fights for L'Manberg because it's what he has left of Wilbur. Even after Dream's 'I cut all my attachments and it made me stronger' speech, he responds simply "How do you not hurt?", unable to imagine an existence where he doesn't care deeply. And in the end, attachment saves him. When Punz tells people what he told them, they go because they care about these two kids enough to come to their aid.

And Dream? He cuts all his attachments off, refusing to care about items, cutting off Sapnap and George as early as the start of S2 so they can never be used against him. And then Sapnap comes to put himself between Dream and the Clingy Duo when it matters. Because he cut all his attachments (except to Tommy), he has no one left to defend him, and so is thrown in the prison to rot for a year and be tortured until Techno breaks him out to repay the favour. Staged Finale throws a massive spanner in that because it undermines the simple message of the S2 finale: attachment saved Tommy and Tubbo, and cutting his brought down Dream. If Dream has Punz, his status as the lone wolf who thought he could control the server by being above it all is undercut by the fact it's all a ploy. This is the part that annoys me most about it, because the theme and resolution previously worked so well.

At the end of the day, I mostly choose to forget Staged Finale happened, and I will probably continue to ignore it unless they make something cool out of this weird twist. And it's not hard to please me with this kind of stuff, so we'll see. I may be a convert yet.

[ficforthought]

On being SO DONE with M*sha, a rant a decade in the making!

After giving this some thought I'm going to go ahead and give my opinion on Misha and yesterday’s situation in public for the first time ever. I was going to just post on Twitter but since this has been 12 years in the making I have exceeded the number of tweets I can put in one thread! There’s A LOT in here, so my summary is also long. I'm aware that I will lose followers over this, I'm not looking to offend anyone but it will inevitably happen. I wish anyone leaving all the best as fellow human beings.

TL;DR - having kept quiet for so long I’ve finally reached my limit and it’s all come bubbling out. I’ve never been a fan of Misha, I’ve been ambivalent for the most part, but have never criticised him in any hateful way, that's not who I am, but after all these years of putting up with his bullshit, attention seeking and troublemaking I am DONE. Deleting his tweet containing the word Wincest and replacing it with an APOLOGY just to pander to his Minions and save face is the straw that broke the camel's back. He has consistently pushed his ship on not only fans but on other actors (despite Jensen's discomfort, and him having repeatedly made his feelings known on it), he has stood by while his Minions/Hellers have harassed, victimised, doxxed and sent death threats to people based on their FICTIONAL ships. He has pandered to their gatekeeping, constantly demanded attention in obvious and not so obvious ways, and to the best of my knowledge never criticised their actions even though he's aware of it in a very real way. Some of his Minions have now taken their shit into The Boys fandom and created negativity for Jensen before the guy has even got a foot through the set door, and how is that supporting one half of your ship?

Misha has claimed to be a victim of targeted harassment from Wincest/brother fans (not only shippers) yet his fans have said and done the most despicable things on his watch, all in the name of what he must think is entertainment, or even his idea of a ‘joke’.

Any respect I had for the man based on his humanitarian work has gone because I can only take so much hypocrisy. He and his pandering because of a desperate attempt to be woke and wholly inclusive (which is actually impossible, no matter how good intentions are) are beyond pathetic. Whilst I have never seen why people think he’s so great I have friends IRL and online who genuinely adore the man, yet they have been shocked and upset by his contempt for half of the fandom that made him somewhat famous. It's disgusting and I'm not scrolling by any more. Misha, I hope to never see you on anything J2 related in future because none of us need that kind of negativity, *especially* not J2. Be gone, foul fiend!

OK, so to the too long part. Please be aware that these are my opinions as a fan of the show, of Sam and Dean, and J2, not only as a shipper. I can separate canon and fanon, and can view canon from a gen or shippy PoV. Whether you agree or disagree with my opinion let me be clear that I do not condone constant bashing and hate of a person or character so this isn’t the start of a regular thing for me. It's possible to have an opinion and not show the same vitriol that has been following this man around for years, and that’s what I’m doing. I've not posted this to prompt more negativity, it's simply to get it off my chest and make it clear how I feel. I stand by my philosophy of ship who you want to ship, enjoy it, but don't force it on other people and don't be a dick about it…hmm, that kinda sounds like familiar behaviour, though, does it not?!

I have ABSOLUTELY NO ISSUE with other people liking Misha, Cas or Destiel when it’s for the love of the characters and the ship. What I *do* have an issue with is people who are the true definition of a Heller. I don’t see that as a generic term, don't be ignorant and think I do because I know the difference between actual ship fans and the crazies, both ships have ‘em and I want no part of either of their venom. If you are reading this and class yourself as a Heller then you are part of the problem so run along and as you are all so fond of saying, 'get help' and take your bestie king with you.

I’m stating my opinion in what I feel is the most mature way I can, because unlike many people on SM, I am an adult and can act accordingly, with forethought and without resorting to temper tantrums and bullying of other people to get my point across. I am able to tell the difference between reality and fiction, I don't tar everyone with the same shipper brush and I don't expect everyone to agree with my opinion, but as we know opinions are like arseholes, we all have them and sometimes they stink. Unlike some, for the most part in life (online and offline) I *do* stand by what I say and don’t backtrack or delete things to appease the masses. I have spent a lot of time writing this out to be as clear as possible without being intentionally hateful. Bear with me jumping between actor and character where relevant, at this point they're conjoined. I will say this before I go any further, it doesn’t end well for Misha, I don’t mince my words and if you don’t like seeing facts and opinions laid out, this isn't the post for you.

I’ll say right off the bat what most of you have surmised - I’ve never held Misha (or Cas) in high esteem but I have never *hated* on him. I have shared mild criticism of his actions and opinions on Cas over the years but never, I feel, in any way that has made me feel I have something to apologise for. I have said several times I've been unhappy about Misha crashing con panels, taking attention away from J2 when at those cons *most* people paid their hard earned money to see the STARS of the show they love, first and foremost, and anyone else is a very nice bonus. The odd appearance here and there crashing a panel is fine (and Misha isn’t the first or last person to do it), maybe take up a few minutes then leave, but when someone commandeers an entire panel, that's just not on. It's not only selfish, rude and attention seeking but also disrespectful to other actors, fans and to the organisers who work hard to make sure everything ties in to give us the best con experience we can have. Everyone gets their turn on stage, there's no need to try and hog any more of the limelight, Veruca Salt style. Oh, and if you’re reading this and not getting that reference, (a) you shouldn’t be on my blog because you’re far too young, (b) look it up, and if you still don’t get what I’m saying… well then please refer to point (a). Thank you, kindly!

There was a time in Kripke's era where Cas was - I feel - intentionally used as a pawn by the writers to divert *canon* from the ‘questionable’ relationship between Sam and Dean, i.e. Wincest focus. Prior to that people (other fans) lightened up and just accepted the fact that Wincest had been there since day one in terms of the writing of the show and the fandom. All the cast and crew knew - J2, Kripke and JDM in particular - and made light of it, never judging, never shaming and often encouraging it because they understand it’s a fun part of fandom. Wincest was present enough to be part of the not so subtle subtext, as I said people just accepted it. Kink tomato was alive and well, so was ‘don’t like, don’t read’ and we all just scrolled over things we didn’t like without turning everything into a personal vendetta and excuse for bullying others who didn’t share our views. When the angels came into the plot I think most of us Wincest fans gave the Dean/Cas innuendos the small laugh they deserved and then turned back to the focus of the show which was the brothers, as it had always been intended. Misha, however, milked those moments as much as possible which was amusing at the start but got old *very* quickly, not just for fans (shippers and non shippers alike), but for other actors, in particular Jensen who is on record MULTIPLE times showing his dislike for Destiel. He told people outright that's not how he was playing the relationship between the two characters and CATEGORICALLY said "Destiel doesn't exist" but did it end there? No, it did not because neither fans or Misha let it go, in fact Misha only pushed more, goaded fans into flogging the same dead horse as much as possible. He’s never stopped, not even when there was so much discord in the fandom, a huge wedge was driven into it because of ships, which IMO he heavily contributed to.

Fast forward to over a decade later (a decade, seriously man, let it fucking go!) he didn’t even stop when Destiel did partially go canon. I have never doubted that Cas loved Dean (Sam, too) because in SPN lore angels are made to love, even rebellious ones. I, along with many others, liked that about Cas because who doesn't love a rebel, especially one rebelling for very good reasons, and because of those two wonderful men? Sam and Dean allowed him to see beyond what he'd been brainwashed to believe his entire existence. The fact is that although the nature of that love changed for Cas, it never did for Dean and was CANONICALLY UNREQUITED because Dean was incapable of loving anyone else as much as he loved Sam. All that mattered to Dean, even when he saw other characters as "family" was still Sam…ALWAYS Sam, every step of the way. Again for those who have too much Misha shaped wax in their ears, that’s canon. Whether people choose to see that love platonically or romantically is up to them, soulmates don't always have to be romantic, either way, brotherly love won out above all else on the show. No amount of Misha screaming ‘hey look, Destiel!’ changed that, but it sure didn’t stop him trying, did it?

So now that the obvious has been stated, here's something else we all know - never once in all of the years on the show did Misha drop rallying of the troops to his precious, ego stroking ship. Never once (that I am aware of) has he called out his Minions and Hellers on their continued harassment of everyone involved in the show and other fans despite the fact that they have bullied, victimised and wished bodily harm, rape and death on people who don't see their ship and because didn't get the ending to the story that they wanted. Not once has Misha shown any remorse for the trauma his "fans" have caused, and I’m taking REAL trauma, here, not the kind Twitter stans see as ‘triggering’ - people have been driven to close SM accounts, attempted, and in some cases succeeded in taking their own lives. These Minions have openly mocked Jared’s struggles with depression and anxiety, and Misha - who claims to be friends with J2 and be supportive of them in every way  - has stood by and let it all play out, knowing full well some of the goings on, if not the full extent of how toxic these people are. We know he sees things being said online, and I have absolutely no doubt he spends time online searching his name for things that are relevant in some way to him in an effort to insert himself into a current conversation, or even start one so that attention is on him. Gotta stay relevant, somehow, right, Mish?

He has actively encouraged bullying by his actions of enabling the behaviours above, both by the flogging of the aforementioned dead horse, AND by not objecting to unacceptable behaviours. Remember when Minions and Hellers were slating J2, particularly Jared, for not posting on SM about BLM and other topics? Yeah, he didn’t ask them to stop doing that, either, even when he was tagged in things along the lines of ‘If Misha can post why can’t J2?’ etc. There have been some token protests, con vids I've seen have show his 'objections' which IMO have been done in a very tongue in cheek way, meaning that those people who needed to be pulled aside and told to change their ways just carried on, because their evil overlord didn’t explicitly explain it in terms a three year old could understand that bullying and forcing your opinion on others is WRONG. Not all of his cult are young and impressionable, not by a long shot, but many of the more vocal and vitriolic ones are.

As a father himself I wonder what Misha would do if he found out that his kids were behaving in ways his Minions are? I’m aware they’re young, but kids are cruel and bullying doesn’t just happen online. Even at whatever age they are, would he laugh it off the way he appears to have done with all of this fandom toxicity? Not bloody likely! I wonder if he’s as desperate to gain the approval of his family, friends and colleagues as he appears to be for that of his Minions/Hellers? I would certainly hope so, but that question can only be answered by Misha, himself, and I can and will not presume to speak on someone else's behalf on things in their personal life. For the record I would never presume I know what J2's answers would be on anything, however I do feel that after 15 years I have an accurate gauge on what kind of people they are so would be confident that any opinion I had on a matter aligns with their morals and ethics. As much as J2 have shared of themselves with us - willingly and under no pressure to do so, I might add - we don't *know* them, but we know enough to have an informed opinion. I can’t say the same for Misha because based on the behaviour he’s repeatedly displayed, things I've heard about from other fans as well as people I know IRL who have had direct dealings with him through cons or GISH (including some very actively in the early days when it was GISHWHES) he just hasn’t seemed like a person I wanted to follow on SM. I’ve never watched any of his solo panels, though I have watched ones with both or one of the J's, mostly being left irritated because of his behaviour. Watching the J’s put up with that shit is painful, and it’s a testament to how good they are as actors that they managed to hide at least some of their disdain for as long as they did. Microexpressions give them away, particularly Jensen, and they certainly have faces I have spent many years watching closely. Beautiful faces to go with beautiful souls, both of them! <3

I have precisely ZERO interest in Destiel as a ship, very little interest in Cas as a character anymore (though I did like him in the early days,and his relationship with Jack in late seasons) so I have absolutely no reason or desire to follow anything Misha does. That said, I've obviously been peripherally aware of some things he's been involved in because of friends, from things I’ve seen on SM and general fandom stuff. Despite the things I've already mentioned about his behaviour, up until now I have been able to maintain a level of respect for him as a person because of the humanitarian and charity work he's done. He seems like someone who really does want to change the world for the better and I am in full support of that fact, so much so that I have supported TWO campaigns relating to him. I bought one of the Super Good t-shirts for the campaign he did with Michael Sheen (a true angel!), the SPN/Good Omens x-over to help homeless charities, and I chose the design with text only and not artwork of Michael and Misha on, basically because I didn’t want to be wearing something with Misha’s face on it and I make absolutely no apology for that, whatsoever. I also bought Alex's #TheEndHasNoEnd shirt, which some of the profits went to Random Acts who do great work, so again, despite not liking Misha I still willingly contributed for a cause bigger than me, and to support Alex, who I absolutely ADORE. I'm aware that Stands aren't popular with some of the fandom, however since most of the cast of SPN are happily affiliated with them then I don't feel it's my place to either judge, or to discuss topics I know next to nothing about. But I digress, as a decent human being I have shown support tangentially to a man who I don't care for out of respect for the work he does outside the fandom. Telling you this isn’t to paint myself in a good light - I don’t need your approval, I’m a big girl, unlike some I don’t need constant validation! - only to provide background on how I’ve actively *not* hated on Misha.

Now though, any respect I had for him has come to an abrupt end, the events of the past 24 hours has seen to that. Whilst I have been annoyed at his behaviour in regards to shipping, I don't feel it's ever gone this far, or at least not that I've seen first hand. This man has, IMO, contributed to so much toxicity in the fandom by way of things I've mentioned before, he's claimed - without actually saying the words - that Wincest fans weren't interested in him as a character when he came onto the show, and hasn’t felt included because of the fans’ love of the brothers. Um, hate to break it to you, love, but when you come onto an established show that is about two people, and you’re a *guest star* you can’t expect everyone to love you. Some characters we as individuals do fall in love with straight away (Bobby, Charlie, Crowley and Rowena are good examples for me), it takes time to establish a dynamic, so if that’s how he felt then it was incredibly naive of him as an actor to expect instant acceptance from anyone. Also, why wait until after the show finished to bring it up AGAIN … oh wait, yeah, that would be to step back into the limelight in a way intended to garner sympathy from Minions and INTENTIONALLY piss off bro fans and Wincest shippers alike? How fucking self centred, desperate and disrespectful do you have to be to shit all over the finale of a show that for the most part accepted you and kept you in paid work for 12 years? Well, Misha Collins levels of all of those things, obviously.  

So, on the topics of self centred, desperate to stay relevant, attention seeking and being oh so needy, the tweet yesterday from Amazon mentioned Castiel. He wasn’t tagged in it, so I refer to my earlier comment about searching online, because how else would he have possibly seen that? It’s possible someone sent it to him, I appreciate that, but if we go off past behaviour it’s not any stretch at all to believe that didn’t happen. So, once again, having seen the tweet he took it upon himself to - oh so predictably - turn it into something relating to Destiel. When I saw it I immediately rolled my eyes and thought ‘here we go again’, but then also had a little smile because I really liked the fact that he explicitly mentioned Wincest, therefore seeming to accept that his poor old dead horse wasn’t the only one in the race. I actually mentally tipped my hat to him then because it appeared that he’s matured enough to acknowledge by name the ship that predates his inclusion on the show. Great, I thought, this is a positive thing in a sea of negativity surrounding the man and his sunken ship, because what followed was Wincest trending in the US (it may also have been other countries as well but I had to sleep!) … largely due to the fact that Hellers were responding to it, calling him out on mentioning the dreaded ‘W’ word. I’ll repeat that because it’s been a rare occurrence up to that point… the Minions were actually disappointed with their overlord for mentioning another ship. We all know what they think of it and I for one, don’t give a flying fuck about their opionion. Ship and let ship, it’s all fun (or meant to be) so we have different tastes, that’s life kiddiwinks, deal with it. I mean, you really don’t have much of an example set for you when your king has proven several times over to be one of the biggest obnoxious brats out there, but just give it a try for your own sakes, yeah? Awesome, good on you, besties!

An unexpected development - to my joy and that of other Wincest shippers - them doing that got the topic trending, only *kept* trending by the fact that were all coming online asking why it was trending. Wincest shippers barely lifted a finger, we just flooded each other’s timelines with lovely content and basked in the Hellers - and Misha - shooting themselves in the foot, which was awesome. But did the vitriol stop? No. Did he get the attention he so clearly craves? Yes. Was it in the way he wanted? Fuck no, so poor, emotionally wounded baby backtracked after seeing that his name was trending alongside Wincest because that’s *so* not what someone narcissistic to do it in the first place, wanted.

Now here’s where I could easily have just moved on with an unusually fond chuckle, giving him an ironic pat on the back and a ‘thanks, Misha’ for being the one to instigate hours of fun, but once again his despicable behaviour made that impossible. It’s been more than obvious for many years that he cares more about what his fans think than anything else to do with the show and the fandom in a larger sense, but to delete the tweet and APOLOGISE for daring to be so insensitive to the snowflakes’ delicate sensibilities for mentioning Wincest in the first place was absolutely disgusting. Stating , “I used a term that I had never really given any thought to other than, "that's a thing?! Yuck." is not only complete and utter bullshit, it’s pandering of the highest order.  

We all know he has referred to Wincest on multiple occasions, so to say he hadn’t thought about is a flat out lie, which IMO is an insult to everyone, not just Wincest shippers. Does the man have no self respect at all, why would you contradict yourself in the face of such overwhelming evidence? Instead of either ignoring all the people calling him out, or addressing it with another tweet saying ‘yeah, that happened’ or something similar he chose, I repeat, CHOSE the route of claiming he didn’t realise he was being offensive to people who felt ‘triggered’ by him using the word Wincest. He basically shat all over an entire ship and large sector of the fandom in an attempt to appease his own fan base which consists of a lot of children (or those that act like children) who have no idea what RL is like.

Once again, he’s reinforced the idea that if you shout loud enough at someone just because you don’t like something they said, they will back down and apologise for something even when there’s nothing to apologise for. If he wants to be such a role model then he could easily have pointed out that a fictional ship doesn’t condone RL incest, any ACTUAL trauma people have suffered because of RL situations, and made an effort to make sure people understand that. He COULD have used it as an opportunity to do some good in the fandom by encouraging people to build bridges, to accept that people are entitled to their beliefs and that sometimes we see things differently but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t treat others with BASIC HUMAN DECENCY because of it. Instead he YET AGAIN chose to show that he cares more about what Minions think of him, keeping them onside to constantly stroke his unbelievably fragile ego in everything he does.

It is my understanding that Misha is big on (or claims to be big on) putting positive energy out into the world, treating people with respect, helping others and accepting people for who they are, not who you want them to be… all this after YEARS of consistently practising what he preaches only when it suits him. He sends out a message that it’s perfectly OK to bully, to spread hate, to draw attention to yourself at the cost of others, to throw colleagues and friends under the bus and at the same time use them to further your own agenda and get hits for your YouTube channel. Is this really the legacy he wants to leave? Is this an environment he wants his own kids to grow up in as well as future generations? Is this what he thinks is a valuable contribution as a human being? JFC, the arrogance, hypocrisy and the need for constant validation this man exhibits is nothing short of cringeworthy… actually it’s beyond that. It’s deplorable behaviour, it’s not new, and he will continue to act like this for as long as he’s being enabled and this harmful cycle needs to end.

I have friends IRL and online who are (now, possibly, were) big Misha fans, who have supported him from either the beginning of his run on the show, or since they started watching, and this is how he repays this behaviour? He’s willfully alienating decent people (including multishippers) all to make himself look good by being seen to do everything he can not to offend people. Spoiler alert, you DID offend people, you continue to do so time and again and we’ve had enough. I can’t imagine how exhausting it must be to be such a perpetual people pleaser, but let me say it’s not doing you any favours in any way, shape or form.

Misha, you are *not* a role model, you’re *not* someone to look up to when you can't live up to the ideals you preach. You’re spitting in the face of people who have supported you even after some questionable things in the past, who gave you the benefit of the doubt because we’re all human and we all make mistakes. The key to growing as a person is not to keep repeating the same mistakes over and over, understanding *why* what you said and/or did was a mistake and making a concerted effort to make changes. I don’t ever see you doing that, you will continue down this path of only caring about Minions under the guise of caring for people in general. You are transparent, you are sad and despite the fact I’ve never particularly liked you, I didn’t speak up because I didn’t want to get involved in the drama. Well now I have spoken up and I’m saying you’re a disgrace, you have no respect for other people and nobody is fooled anymore. If it hadn’t been this tweet it would have been something else, but I for one am glad it happened so soon after the show ended so we can finally be rid of the limpet-like behaviour. It’s over, let it go for the sake of what dignity you might have left, for the sake of your family and friends and for the sake of anyone who isn’t capable of seeing through your ‘it’s a joke’ mentality.

You have been weighed, you have been measured and you have been found wanting. Fuck you and the horse you rode in on, Misha.

For anyone who made it to the end of my ramble, thank you. This has been a cathartic exercise and I’m drawing a line under it now, I don’t think I could possibly make my thoughts any clearer. I urge you not to get caught up in any petty squabbles with his Minions, let’s celebrate J2 and other cast and crew members who have shown us all respect and who I am proud to call part of the SPN family. There’s always one member of the family who needs to be frozen out for the good of everyone else.

[theboyzuniverse]

Jealous?

Request: Your smuts are great. Can I request a Jacob one? That boy is soft yet so sexy.

Content: Jealous sex, a little rough but not really.

You excitedly waited in anticipation as your best friend Kevin starts singing his part. You missed him so much as he had gone home to Canada for a month, and you barely had time to even text each other during his vacation. Kevin's voice really was beautiful. Of course your boyfriend Jacob would always be your favorite singer, but Kevin's own voice came a close second.

Kevin makes eye-contact with you as he sings, and you smile back cheering them on. The next thing you know you're locking eyes with Jacob who looks sinfully hot as he danced. You loved the duality of his persona on stage and the way he was actually the softest person you know as he got off the stage. Your heart skips a beat as he smirks, you were all for sexy on stage Jacob.

"So how was it?" Kevin asks you excitedly as you meet them backstage.

"Amazing, as usual." You smile and give him a hug.

"We have a lot to catch up on," He tells you as you nod excitedly. "But right now I'm exhausted so I'll actually see you later."

Kevin gives you another hug as he's about to leave.

"Okay okay, can I finally get a hug from my girlfriend?"

Jacob walks towards you with the softest smile that was enough to melt away any evil in the world.

"You were perfect!" you tell him before he can ask you about the performance and he just laughs.

"I gotta get changed and meet some people, do you mind waiting at home? I'll come home, clean up, and we can go out for dinner or something."

"Or we can order in."

He smiles again and gives you a peck. Jacob knows you love going out, and even if he loves staying in he always goes out of his way to do the things you love. This time you wanted to do what he wanted, which is stay home and cuddle, because this man actually spoils you way too much. Of course he never expects anything back as long as you were happy, but you can't help wanting to take the things he liked to do in consideration. Dating someone so opposite to you wasn't always easy, but compromising to what the other liked to do helped you get closer and you wouldn't have it any other way.

"Yes, we can absolutely do that, I'll see you at home."

So you go back to the apartment where Hyunjae and Juyeon also live. The boys now lived in separate apartments shared with their respective roommates they had while they lived in a dorm. You hoped a little that the other boys wouldn't stay home so that you and Jacob could have some alone-time together. Your phone rings as soon as you settle down on the sofa.

"Y/N!"

Kevin waves at you through the screen with a face mask on, and you laugh at him.

"Can't fall asleep again?" You ask him.

"You know it," He replies, and starts playing a Beyonce music in the background. Kevin and his never-ending love for all things Beyonce.

"So how was the family?"

"First thing, it wasn't as crazy as I expected it to be..."

He starts going on a rant about the clash between families. His older sister had gotten married, causing some of their family to fly over from Korea to Canada. A lot of people coming together had caused a lot of drama.

"...but the important thing was like, I did get to sing for her and choose the song though there was a lot of protest. I went crazy at the after-party, that was fun."

"Oh gosh... You didn't."

"Oh yes I did, Kevin went wild baby!"

Then he got up and started twerking like the mess he is, making you laugh and wheeze when a very confused Eric saw him. You started to calm down when Jacob arrived home, he looked a little tired.

"Hey Kev," He said emotionlessly to the screen. "I'll go clean up, I'll be right back."

Jacob gives you a peck and goes to clean up.

"He must be really tired," Kevin commented. "I'll leave you guys alone now, call you later?"

"Yeah yeah,"

"Love you," Kevin pouts his lips. Sometimes you wonder why you're even friends.

"Love you too, Kev."

You hang up and go to Jacob's room, he was still in the shower. The room was dark except for some fairy lights you got for him. It was pretty and calming, and the warm yellow light had reminded you of Jacob's warmth, that was why you had bought it for him. You freeze in your spot when you see Jacob coming out from the bathroom, with just a towel wrapped around his waist, making you feel all sorts of things. This man's duality constantly keeps you on your feet. He immediately notices you staring and starts moving towards you.

"So you're finally done talking to him?"

You're flustered and nervous at his words, and the close proximity of where he was standing. He sounded jealous but you were confused, it wasn't like Jacob to be jealous.

"Y-yeah," You finally replied after a short pause.

He leans in for a kiss but instead of being soft and pulling you in by the waist as he usually did, he corners you and pins you to the wall. The kiss was already deep and rough as soon as he started, no usual build up.

Jacob pulled away so you both could catch your breath he looked at you straight in the eyes. His stare sent a chill down your spine, it scared you a little yet it was thrilling and exciting. It was a side of him you had never seen before.

"Do you do this on purpose?" He asked, slightly clenching.

You knew exactly what he was talking about but you couldn't help yourself.

"Do what?"

"Always try to make me f***ing jealous."

You were shocked at him actually cussing.

"I-"

He cuts you off with another kiss.

"You know, exactly, what you're doing," He says between kisses, and starts getting rougher.

Jacob removes his lips from yours only to attach them to your neck again. Extending your neck to give him more access came way too naturally for you, and before you knew it he snaked an arm around your waist and one reached into your shirt. While leaving a few more hickeys on your neck, he squeezes your nipples a little and with the sudden sensation you let out a little moan which makes him smirk.

"I'm gonna have to teach you that I'm the only one who can make you feel this way,"

His tone is different, his eyes look different. The man you were looking at had little traces of the soft Jacob that you knew, and for some reason it was turning you on. He looked hot as hell, and you found yourself feeling a little nervous. It wasn't like you haven't had sex with him before, but this side of Jacob was new. He looked incredibly sexy, and you actually liked it.

"Already very wet for me I see,"

Jacob lays you down on the bed as he reaches inside your skirt and palms you over your panties making you squirm a little. Then he takes out his hands making you frown, disappointed because it had felt good.

"Don't squirm," He commands you.

"Yes,"

"Yes?"

"Yes, Jacob."

He removes your shirt, and you remove your bra as he works on your skirt. Then before you can brace yourself he inserts a finger inside you making you gasp. He slowly pumps his hand and goes faster as you start bucking your hips to match his pace. You were so turned on you felt like you would come easily, and he knew it. You thought he would stop before you orgasmed but he doesn't stop even as you start clenching around him and reach your orgasm.

"Good girl," He kisses your lips again, "But we're not done."

You stare at him, it was the first time you two were going immediately for seconds. Then you realize he hasn't even removed his towel yet, and you gasp a little when he does, he was so hard. He positions himself at your entrance and thrusts into you, not giving you time to really adjust. It hurts the first two times mostly because you were still sensitive from your first orgasm, but you start feeling really good again.

Jacob clasps his hands with yours pushing them into the sheets as his thrusts become faster. You try to meet his thrusts but every time he hits your sweet spot you melt into the pleasure he was giving you, it sent you into a kind of bliss that only he alone could make you feel. He kisses you and immediately stops when you start clenching around him again. You whine in protest when he pulls out.

"Turn around," He commands.

You comply, immediately wanting more as soon as possible. He immediately slides into you again with no pause, one hand on your hips and one slightly pulling at your hair. You moan again surprised at how good it all felt, you usually wanted to be able to see him at all times when you were having sex.

After a few more thrusts Jacob lets go of your hair and reaches down to rub your clit which sends you into overdrive. You start clenching around him again, this time he doesn't stop and you reach your climax for the second time that night. He keeps at it a few more times as he also reaches his high, and his thrusts become sloppy as you both finish riding out your orgasms. He pulls out and turns you around to kiss you.

"You know I'm the only one who can make you feel this way right?"

"You're the only one who can make me feel this way," You confirm.

He smiles, and your soft Jacob is back. Lying down next to you he pulls you into his arms kissing your forehead.

"Did I hurt you?"

"No, but you were kinda hot." He blushes a little at your remark.

Yup, your boyfriend was back.

"Maybe he can show up from time to time."

"Definitely," You agree.

The both of you barely manage to get up and wash up a little before you fall asleep. You were completely tired and worn out.

The next day you wake up to Jacob's kisses on your cheeks and you smile. You think about the night before and become slightly distracted. Seriously? In the morning? You scold yourself. However, Jacob seemed to have the same idea as he rolled on top of you and kissed you, then slightly grinding himself on you. You moan a little as he does so. You don't know whether its because it was morning but you felt like you could almost come immediately as he keeps grinding on to you. The friction of thin clothes that separated you made it feel so good.

"I'm almost there," He half-whispered.

You put your hands on his arms and dig into them.

"Me too," You mumbled back as you both almost immediately reached your high.

You were surprised that this could happen just by grinding on each other.

"We better get up," Jacob tells you. "I smell breakfast."

Neither of you bother to wash up first and head straight to the Kitchen where Hyunjae and Juyeon are eating breakfast. They both stare at you.

"What?" You ask taking a bite of the bacon.

"So first thing in the morning huh?" Juyeon teased as Jacob almost chokes on his cereal.

[damn-behzinga]

I Can’t Wait For Forever

Ethan Payne (Behzinga) X Reader

summary - The Sidemen film your’s and Ethan’s wedding, here are the fan favourite bits.

warnings - lack of father figure, panicking, swearings, my terrible writing

request - Could you do something with ethan where it's your wedding day or something. Thank you x

Hey if it alright could you do an ethan imagine where it's our wedding day and maybe its filmed by the sidemen x it's alright if you dont

masterlist and request info

You and Ethan had gotten engaged a year and a half before you officially got married. Ethan proposed at your anniversary and you had announced it a few days later.

You had chosen to get married at an old manor house which had a beautiful garden especially during the summer you were due to get married in.

When you and Ethan gave your invites to the lads, Ethan sat them down and finally asked, "Will you lads be my groomsmen?"

The boys all beamed and pulled Ethan into a hug and started jumping. You chuckled and smiled softly, watching the boys interact.

"So, who's your best man then?" JJ asked, a grin on his face.

Ethan grinned and sighed. "I chose Charlie." The boys all looked at one and other sighed.

"What?" JJ exclaimed.

"Well, when you guys get married, Josh will choose Tobi and vice versa, Vik will choose Harry and vice versa, and Simon will choose JJ and vice versa. I didn't want to pick one of you lot over the other." Ethan explained. The pairs all nodded understanding completely, knowing not to argue with the groom to be.

"Can we film it?" Harry asked.

"I'll have to talk to y/n, but it could be fun. You guys could film you guys practising. I think we were planning on filming the wedding anyway."

You had agreed, thinking it would be fun if the men filmed their perspective of the wedding and how their morning went. So the men filmed the day and how the rehearsal the day before went.

You stood at the entrance of the manor house, You watched as each of the pairs of brides and grooms made their way up to alter before going to their respective side. First to walk up was Charlie and your best friend Lucy, followed by Simon and Talia, then JJ and Becky. As Harry and Katie walked up to the alter they unlinked their arms and quickly separated causing Ethan to groan.

"You come up to there and then walk away not walk away straight away! Have you lot been to a wedding before?" You laughed at Ethan's comment as Harry chuckled and apologised. They were followed by Josh and Freya, Tobi and Gee, and then Vik and your friend Steph. Then it was your two young cousins, the flower girl and page boy. The walked down the aisle together and then ran up to give Ethan a hug. Josh and Harry were messing around with the cameras not really paying attention to talk about what was happening to the viewers.

You had decided on pink dresses for the bridesmaids and blue suits for the groomsmen. Ethan wore a black suit which contrasted your white trumpet figured dress that had a long train. The dress had long sleeves and an open back, showing off your figure but also letting your remain covered.

The groomsmen were on the other side of the hotel and didn't tell you that JJ had lost his jewellery.  Ethan was panicking trying to find this jewellery that you had spent way too long picking out. Ethan tried to remain calm for the camera and continued to search. Vik and Josh were calming him down as Simon, JJ, and Tobi were searching for the missing cufflinks. Ethan started to calm down and pulled out his phone to call his mum.

He put it on speaker his mum answered.

"Hello, darling, are you okay?" His mum's voice rang out. "Everything going smoothly?"

"Jide has lost his jewellery so they're searching for that and I'm nervous and excited and-"

"Has he checked the drawer next to the bed and the floor around it?" His mum interrupted. Ethan looked at the lads who quickly searched the area his mum pointed out. JJ held up the lost jewellery and gave a small sorry smile.

"You're a lifesaver!" Ethan groaned into the phone and his mum just chuckled.

"Anyway, you better not be getting cold feet right now!" His mother scolded. "Y/n is too lovely for that." 

"No, I want to marry her. I can't wait to marry her!" Ethan exclaimed. "We've been planning this for a year and I don't want to get anything wrong."

"Everything will be fine. I promise you."  Ethan's mum said calmly. "I can't wait to walk with you down the aisle."

Ethan got emotional talking to his mum, just a few months ago Ethan had cried to you about how he wasn't going to have a dad to walk down the aisle with or have a dad dance with you when you switched parents after the first dance. You had insisted that it was okay to dance with his mum and that you'd just have to switch it up.

"I'll see you in fifteen minutes, love." Ethan's mum said softly. Ethan said his goodbyes and hung up.

You and Ethan had decided to do a first look video before the actual ceremony because you wanted Ethan's genuine reaction. Ethan had waited and then you walked up behind him and tapped his shoulder. Ethan nervously turned around and as soon as he saw you, he bought a hand to his mouth and he looked you up and down. 

"Hi." You whispered.

"You look- wow. You look so beautiful." He said softly. He grabbed your hand and squeezed it lightly, his other hand reached up stroked your sleeved arm softly.

"Stop. I'm going to cry!" You exclaimed.

"Don't cry, your make up took so long!" Talia said, and the two of you laughed.

You soon had to separate and go settle down so you could walk down the aisle.

Ethan linked arms with his mum, getting ready to walk down the aisle. His mum pulled him down and planted a kiss on his cheek. And then it was time. Ethan walked down the aisle and made eye contact with his friends who smiled cheerily at him. Ethan stopped at the aisle and turned to kiss his mum's cheek. She grinned at him and patted his arm softly, tapping three times, a small sign they came up with when Ethan was a child to show that she loved him, Ethan tapped three times back. His mum took her seat and Ethan stood at the aisle. He greeted the celebrant and shook his hand.

"Congratulations." The celebrant smiled.

"Thank you so much." Ethan mirrored his smile.

Music started playing and Ethan immediately turned to watch the groomsmen and bridesmaids walking down the aisle. They all remembered what they had to do which relieved Ethan a bit. Ethan hugged your young cousins and they quickly moved on. Ethan then watched as you appeared at the other end of the hall, holding arms with your dad. You made eye contact with Ethan and waved quickly. He grinned and walked down the three steps to take your hand. He shook your dad's hand and you kissed your dad's cheek. Your dad took his seat as Ethan walked you up to the small stage. 

As the celebrate started his speech, you stared at Ethan and grabbed his hand and stroked it softly.

"And now for the vows." The celebrant smiled, passing Ethan the microphone.

Ethan took a deep breath and started to recite his vows, "When we met, I was a lost person looking to be found. During dark times, you were my flashlight. During hard times, you were my sense of relief. During times when I felt as though I had nothing left in me, you helped me get back up and fight. So now, as I look at you in front of me as beautiful as ever, I can say with confidence that you are the embodiment of joy, kindness, love, life, and happiness. You helped me grow to be a better person and I can't thank you enough. I vow to always respect and value your opinions. I vow to listen to your rants about whatever show you're watching that I don't understand. I vow to try to never hurt you. I vow that no matter what happens, I will stand by your side. I vow to remind you of how beautiful you are in every way. I vow to be a shoulder to cry on when we rewatch Marley And Me. I vow to be the best I can for you and so much more."

You wiped your tears and chuckled softly at him before reciting your vows. "I was always known as the quiet, awkward girl in the back of the room but when I met you, you made me feel listened to and understood. When I couldn't get out of bed for the day because everything seemed too much, you would go out of your way to help me get up and relax. You were my reason then, my reason now, and my reason every day. When I felt I was stuck at the bottom of the mountain with no way of getting up, you provided climbing equipment and climbed with me. You have never left me behind and I can't thank you enough for that. I vow to give you my all and help you during hard times. I vow to watch football with you even though I don't understand what's going on. I vow to be most truthful self in front of you even if it's the ugly truth. I vow to be a shoulder to cry on when you watch Marley and Me because, although you won't admit it, you've cried more times over that than me. I vow to be by your side no matter what life throws at us. And I vow to love you as much as I can."

And soon after, the celebrant announced that "You may now kiss the bride.". Ethan cupped your cheek and pulled you into a kiss and dipped you slightly. You pulled apart and started to walk down the aisle towards the car that waited for you outside. You got into the car and waved at your friends before they drove you to the hotel where you spent some quality time together.

An hour later you arrived at the reception where the two of you were welcomed with a round of applause and cheer. You made your ways to the seats and people started raising their glasses as Josh stood to make a speech.

"When I met Ethan, he was a fat kid playing Fifa in Essex. We got along really well and there was a moment where me and Ethan, a few years later we were sitting on the couch after a shoot and he turned to me and he said he had gone on a date with this girl that he really liked. And I found that her name was y/n." Josh smiled at the two of you. "They hit it off and we met her a month later and dinner. And as y/n left to go to the bathroom, Ethan turned to us and said 'I'm going to marry that girl'." Ethan chuckled and blushed. "And all of us at the dinner had known that this was going to last forever. Y/n balanced Ethan out and after Ethan had told me he thought he was going to die alone, it was nice to see Ethan so hopeful about love. Y/n didn't like him because he was Behzinga or a YouTuber, she liked him for him, and Ethan needed a person like that in his life. So, as I stand here today, I want to thank Y/n for always being genuine and not letting Ethan getting too big of a head. I would wish you luck for the future ahead but I already know that you two are going to stand together through everything. So, I wish that you two live a happy and healthy life together because you deserve it. Thank you." Everyone clapped as you wiped away a few loose tears.

Your dad had stood up to make a speech. "There are times when I look at y/n and I see her as the girl I held in my arms, moments after she was born. When y/n was a teenager she made the decision to move to London, she was only eighteen and eager to live her life to the fullest. I remember a few years later during one of our weekly calls that she was going out with this guy called Ethan. Now I met Ethan a few months later because something had happened and we came together to help Y/n. Ethan was nervous meeting me and my wife but we quickly proved to him that y/n was the most important thing to us and she was to him as well." You sniffled as your dad made the speech. "It was so surreal having Ethan come up to me and ask me if he could take y/n's hand in marriage, and I remember turning to him and saying that he didn't need to ask because I was already so supportive of their relationship that I was surprised they weren't married already. I already have a beautiful daughter but I am so happy to welcome Ethan into our family with open arms." You cried and gave your dad a hug, not wanting to let go. 

You had eaten your food and soon it was the first dance, Ethan and you had practised your slow dance for months and you were relieved when you managed to get to the final dip successfully.  You danced with your dad and Ethan danced with his mum, softly whispering to one and another about how proud they were. You had talked with Ethan about dancing with your mum but Ethan felt off because he didn't have a dad for you to dance with. So, as Ethan started to dance with your mum, you took his mum's hands and started swaying with her. Ethan met your eyes across the dance floor and smiled at you. You then cut into the red velvet cake and fed it to each other.

You continued to dance with everyone, socializing with all the guests, eager to see them all. And obviously you had to play some top tunes so when Beerus came on, all you jumped to the dance floor and hyped JJ up. The night was full of love and laughter and you wouldn't have had it any other way.

"Right, welcome back to Sidemen Sunday and before we get into it, let's give a round of applause to Ethan in his first Sidemen video being a married man!" Josh cheered. Ethan grinned at the camera, showing off his new wedding ring as everyone cheered.

"How does it feel to be married?" Vik asked.

"Like the same, except I have a ring on." Ethan joked. "Nah, I've never been happier. She's the best thing that's ever happened to me and I got to share the experience with you guys and we filmed it so I can hold that memory forever."

"Thank you for letting us be groomsmen." Tobi smiled

"Still pissed you didn't choose me to be best man." JJ huffed jokingly.

"Anyways." Ethan rolled his eyes. "I loved it and you guys coming up with the idea to film getting ready, that was brilliant."

"I watched the videos you guys did without me whilst I was on honeymoon and you lot lost the plot without me lads." Ethan chuckled. 

"How was your honeymoon? You went to South Korea right?" Simon asked.

"It was good actually! Lovely weather, we did so much, it was surreal!" Ethan chuckled. "Honestly, go there if you have the chance.

"Anyways, shall we move on with the video?" Josh asked and then everything quickly went back to how it usually was in a sidemen video, except this time, Ethan got to say 'My Wife'.

[amazildoessomethingstupid]

Chapter 68: December

Hey guys, welcome back.  As you can tell by the title, we have a very special rant in store.  As you guys may know, this rant series is meant to be about me catching up with BCB and where it’s been going recently, and give my thoughts about it.  But today we are going to be doing something a little different, instead we are going to go back.  And I mean WAY back.  To one of if not the most notorious, the most infamous chapter in all of Bittersweet Candy Bowl.  That’s right boys and girls…

WARNING: Very long Tumblr breaking rant below the break.

If you’re wondering why I’m doing this, it’s mostly because I wanted to do another Let’s Rant video but most of the boys don’t know about BCB.  So when I made comparisons to December, they didn’t really understand what I was talking about.  And I know that some of you new viewers may not understand why people hate December as much as we do.  To really understand, you must put yourself in the shoes of a dedicated reader.  Back to the year of 2011, a simpler time.  A dark time.  And we start off with one of my personal favorite pages in Bittersweet Candy Bowl.

SNOW.  FUCKING SNOW!

FUCK. YEEEAAAAAAAH! LET’S HEAR IT FOR FUCKING SNNNNNNOOOOOWWWWWWWW!

Alright that may seem like an over reaction, but let me set the stage for you alright, because at the time that this chapter came out I was a dedicated reader.  And I mean full blown fan, waiting for the hour to change to read the pages as they came out.  And at this time, Taeshi was going through a real rough time and it was quite apparent to everyone who was in the community.  The plot seemed to stagnate, and there wasn’t much happening.  Taeshi’s behavior had grown very strained and it was the common consensus that she needed to take a break.  

So she did, and in order to take a break the upload schedule turned to two pages a week… The problem was that up to this point, Bittersweet Candy Bowl was uploading on an every other day upload schedule.  Now the problem that comes when you slow down your schedule like that, is that it’s meant to be temporary, or that you compensate that with content in the pages and chapter that makes the wait more bearable or at least less tedious…

Now with all that in mind. Imagine if you will, that you had to wait 4 days for a new page to start a new chapter, and you were greeted by…

FUCKING SNOW! And a dread filled your heart as you realized you’d have to stare at snow for another full 2 days before you could look at something else, and hope that it’s more interesting than fucking. Snow.

The next page does not disappoint though, because now we actually have characters! And dialogue!

And look a joke, haha! Except

Look at all the characters in this page.  You got Daisy, you got Paulo, you got abbey, you got David, you got sir Noodles, and you got a reinforcing action to remind us about how Abbey and Paulo’s relationship is.

Guess how how many or which of these characters actually matter in this chapter or have an effect on it. Can you guess?

Yup, yeah that’s right none of em.  Not a single fucking one of these characters matter.  Not a single fucking thing in this page fucking matters at all, it barely even constitutes as a set up for the rest of the chapter.  Congratulations, we just wasted a week of your time. Actually I was wrong, you know what the one and only thing that this page does that means anything?

There! That one fucking line.  You waited a whole fucking week to digest two pages and all it really tells you that you didn’t know is what FUCKING TIME IT IS! EXCEPT EVEN THAT IS TOLD TO YOU

BY THE TITLE OF THE FUCKING CHAPTER! I am losing my shit this early because I want to make it abundantly clear just how infuriating this chapter was to read.  This was when I realized we were in for a LONG ride.  To better understand this, the chapters that preceded this one were centered around Lucy’s slow decline into depression, after her friendship with Mike had become fractured leading to her isolating (or at least distancing herself) from Mike (and the rest of the gang by proxy). This chapter was billed to be the culmination of all that fallout, which makes this pacing SO GRATING.

Thankfully page 3 actually does have characters that matter, and it actually is a set up for what the chapter is going to be centered around which is the kids working on a World War 2 Essay.  

And we finally get a bit of substance to sink our teeth into! But before we go any further I should tell you a bit about my. Man. Mike. So Mike is a moody bitch.  I talked a bit about what happened to Lucy, but Mike despite literally NOTHING happening to him directly since then aside from the rest of the gang not understanding why he wanted to separate from Lucy is still being moody and bitchy.  And here we see him reach PEAK MOODY MIKE!

Haha that’s an actually good joke.  I appreciated that when it came out.  

And so, because Mike is being a moody bitch he ends up sealing his fate and is paired with Lucy. And for a second here, I had hope. Since Taeshi is pretty much declaring how frustrating and stupid Mike’s moodiness has been for the past number of chapters.  Also while we’re here, I’d like to point out how everyone in this page apparently got their arm lopped off.  I mean look!

At least Lucy was able to find her right arm at the end there.  But also, look at Abbey!

Oh look at him, you can see how he cares about Mike’s position on distancing from Lucy!  Awww such a good friend.  Oh he’s definitely not going to make a heel turn and accuse others of not caring about Mike!

I am so glad I saved that image.

Anyway the next page is Mike and Lucy deciding to go to the library to work on the essay.

And then the page after that is Lucy trying to make an effort to ease the awkwardness, while Mike gives her the cold shoulder. Congratulations.  We have spent a week, walking to the fucking library.

The monotony is broken up though, as we get to see that Augustus is at this library.

It doesn’t stop the back and forth that we just got in the last two pages from continuing though, and as a reminder this is all that we’ve been given to sustain ourselves for three whole weeks!

At least Augustus is able to break up this feet-dragging by giving us SOMETHING different to talk about.

Ooh look, something actually interesting! We get some insight into Lucy and Augustus’ relationship. For context, Augustus has been a very interesting side-character; one of the best.  And his relationship with Lucy is a pretty nice one with its own complexities and great chemistry.  As I’ve mentioned before, Lucy had spent the last few chapters isolating herself from Mike to try to let things cool off and respect his wishes.  In that time, she ended up finding company in Augustus, the resident bad boy.  He was suspected of attempted rape on Daisy, but we’re not talking about that.

Well maybe a little.

Lucy expresses what she’s dealing with and like before, she’s trying to find understanding from Augustus.

And he is having NONE OF IT! As someone who actually has serious problems, he calls Lucy out for being a privileged blue-eyed white cat whose only problem in life is being rejected by someone she loves.  

But Augustus does give Lucy some advice, in how he sees and deals with his situation.  Showing that while he does think Lucy is stupid for even thinking about killing herself over Mike, he does want to help her.  It’s just…

He’s wrong.  He’s so fucking wrong.

We now know through the power of hindsight, that Abbey and Daisy’s relationship was a total sham! It wasn’t a healthy loving relationship at all! It was all a lie!

GOTTA LOVE THEM RETCONS AMIRITE?!

Nah we haven’t even STARTED to begin.

Anyway, Augustus leaves and we’re back to this bullshit.  Now Mike’s not just being moody, he’s being judgy!

Oh no, fuck you Lucy! I don’t want anything to do with you, I want you to be out of my life!

Hey, what are you doing, talking and having a conversation with someone I don’t care about?  Stop being such a leech! Just because I don’t want you to be in my life, doesn’t mean you can just go and move on to find company in other people!  Why don’t you just die alone and unloved like I tell you to?!

But don’t worry right after, Lucy breaks the ice and gets a smile out of the boy!

It’s a breath of fresh air, and we see the dynamic with the two is still there and-

No, I didn’t buy that when this page came out either. It’s meant to portray that Lucy can make Mike feel better and break him out of his funk, but…yeah at this point I knew better. By the way, it has now been one whole month of December.

And we’re only a third of the way through.

And thankfully we’re out of the library.  And even more fortunately…

Taeshi learned that you don’t have to spend two whole updates on moving your characters from one location to the other!  She’s learned you can smash two pages together and NOT WASTE YOUR AUDIENCE’S FUCKING TIME!

As for the actual content of this page, Lucy and Mike go to Mike’s house and we get a bit of Lucy interacting with Mike’s family, and how they get along well.  Mike’s still moody as ever though, and we get our first glimpse that things aren’t perfect for him.  Also

RIP the boy, Chris. he ain’t dead but I do miss him.

Anyway, the two go to Mike’s room to study, and it’s still awkward until Lucy breaks the silence!

Old joke is old, but I love it nonetheless.

Okay, enough foolin’ around. Actually Lucy decides that she’s tired of pussyfooting around, and decides to say, “fuck it” and let off some steam by playing some video games like old times!

Mike is of course denying it and content in stewing in his anger. But lucy is adamant about doing something to break this stupid cycle of drama.  I like it.  Even though I didn’t buy the bit of Lucy making Mike laugh by showing a funny face, this one I do like.  And while some (especially at the time) would point to this as an example of Lucy emotionally manipulating Mike to get what she wants in making him not angry at her, I would say-

SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET ME HAVE THIS ONE, JUST THIS ONCE!  I HAVE BEEN SO GOD DAMN CONTENT STARVED, THIS FUCKING DRAMA HAS BEEN GOING AROUND IN CIRCLES FOR ALMOST TWO YEARS!  MIKE AND LUCY HAVEN’T TALKED OR ADVANCED THEIR POSITIONS IN MONTHS! LET ME EMBRACE THIS ONE LIGHT IN DARKNESS BEFORE IT IS SNUFFED OUT!  LET. ME. HAVE. HOPE.

THANK YOU!

And so after a bit of a timelapse we get to see Mike and Lucy playing together, and how the turns tabled!

It’s great, and we even get a glimpse at how Lucy has been progressing herself.  Perhaps the improvement in gaming being a metaphor of her own self-improvement.

We even get a bit of Mike reflecting and thinking how it is nice.  And remembering that Lucy isn’t really that bad.

The scene continues, and we get a peek into Mike’s circumstance.  As Mike kind of reveals that he himself has felt quite alone without Lucy there.  And it’s really touching, it’s good character development.

And Lucy continues to take initiative to stop the awkwardness, by giving Mike a distraction. Not looking to fill the hole in his heart, not looking to force him to accept her.  But allowing him to enjoy himself in the moment.  It’s nice.  It’s…

Really…nice…

Y’know…

It really was nice.

Ladies and gentlemen.

This is December.

[redacted due to Tumblr purposes.  insert the entire Mike yelling scene from January here]

One month.   That’s how long this scene lasted in real-time. Everyone who was a fan in 2011, everyone who had been so deeply invested in these characters watching them grow, interact, struggle, and suffer for years.  All of them could only watch for one entire month as Taeshi ripped their hearts out. People defended this scene when it came out.  There’s still people who defend this scene to this day, saying that Mike was right.  I wasn’t one of those people.  When this scene came out, I was shocked.  I couldn’t understand what was going on, but I knew it was wrong.  It was the first time I ever got into a discussion about BCB, because I just had to understand what the fuck was happening and why.  Why is this happening?  Why would Mike do this?  How is this possible?  And the only response I got, was that I just couldn’t understand.  And y’know…

They were right.  I didn’t understand.  I was never really abused as a child.  I never had bad friends, or was really bullied (except one time).  There was no way I could grasp what the fuck just happened.  Which felt so bizarre, because when this chapter came out…I was 15. I was the same age as these characters and I couldn’t fathom doing what Mike just did.  I couldn’t imagine any of my friends saying what Mike just said. And yet everyone else seemed to understand, to the point I thought that I was the weird one.   Did I just fucking win the social lottery or something and just not have any shitty friends?

Maybe so…But y’know after all these years, stewing and thinking about December which has haunted me as I’m sure it has, many other readers.  And after all this time, running it around my head, and arguing about it, I think I finally understand.  I get it…I finally get what Mike’s saying here.

That being said, no this scene is still bullshit.

Now let me tell you why.

First of all, look at this face.

Just look at this dopey doe-eyed cute cat right here, BECAUSE YOU WILL NEVER SEE THAT AGAIN.

But just to recap, let’s start with the actual preamble to the bullshit.  Mike gets a text from Sandy which makes him revert back to his moody Mike self.  And I will say at least here, Mike is in character.  He’s been a bitch this whole chapter, and he’s just snapping back to it because he is reminded “Oh yeah, Sandy exists!” so he tells Lucy to beat it.

Lucy is understandably frustrated because we were seeming to finally get to a better place between these two characters.  And instead of Mike being upfront about what his problem is, he chooses to shutdown the conversation and act like there’s nothing.  Or to put it in another way…

So what exactly is causing Mike to revert to his moody mode?

Right, right, of course. It’s because Sandy’s coming!  And just to catch up those of us blessed enough to not remember…

This is Sandy.  Mike’s long time long-distance girlfriend and central conflict for BCB for the last…well for pretty much most of BCB at this point.  Mike loves her, bordering on the point of obsession.  To where most of his actions in BCB can be linked directly to Sandy.  We’ll get to that later, but this is all you really need to know right now.  Just briefly keep it in mind,

Lucy is surprisingly taking it in stride, or at least trying to be supportive of Mike and Sandy’s relationship.  Obviously it does hurt her, but she is trying to make the best of it.  Taking what Augustus had said to heart, in accepting Mike and Sandy’s relationship but still trying to be there for Mike.  Using that to grow and maybe be a stronger person.

But sadly…this is December.

And nothing is allowed to grow in December.

Well…yes.  Partly because we were literally told NINE PAGES AGO!

I believe this is what the kids call…gaslighting. But I prefer to call it

BULLSHIT!

But now we’re getting into it…

Let’s dig into the real hard bullshit of December.

You ready?

I’m ready.

Yes, right.  Lucy is a bitch who has absolutely nothing for Mike, and never acted like a friend, or god forbid did something selfless for Mike like oh I don’t know…

Risking her life to try to save you from drowning, when she herself couldn’t swim and knew it could very well lead to her death.

Or what about when she was almost raped, and put literally put herself between you and danger!

TWICE! Wait, what the hell? They changed Confrontation! She’s supposed to say…

Because before mike got pinned he was saying…

That was like an actually cool and bad ass line.  One of the best moments in BCB, why would you change it?  Why would you change it to something as soft as that? And I’m the guy who wrote a comic where the moral of the story is that you can solve everything through the power of friendship!

But I digress.  Was Lucy mean to Mike?  Yeah.  Did she pick on him a lot in the early chapters? Sure!  But here’s the thing that people seem to forget about those early volumes…

Mike was kind of a little shit back then!

Lucy often picked on Mike because he was doing something wrong like trying to treat her like Sandy.

And lest you forget, Mike was more than capable of doing the exact same things!

Yes Lucy picked on Mike, but Mike also gave shit to Lucy.  They both were active participants in giving shit to one another, but no it’s not bullying.  It’s giving someone shit for doing something stupid, to keep them grounded, it’s a form of support that helps to build someone up not just through violent means, but because you care enough to want them to stop being stupid.  And as the saying goes, “A good friend will hold you and support you to tell you everything will be okay no matter what. Your best friend, will kick you in the side and tell you to stop being a pussy and get over it.”

BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT FRIENDS FUCKING DO! THEY DON’T LIFT YOU UP! THEY MAKE YOU PICK YOURSELF UP! AND Y’KNOW WHY MIKE IS THINKING THIS WAY?  YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT THE FUCKING CHERRY ON TOP OF THIS BULLSHIT CAKE IS?!

Sandy…

Mother…Fucking…Sandy. Up to this point Sandy herself had little to no presence as a person in this story. I mean she had an effect on a lot of things, but as an actual character we never got to see much of her personality outside of one standalone chapter: To the Top which only served to give us a shallow and basic understanding of her character.  But even then, as far as actual personality, writing, hobbies, and chemistry we really didn’t get much at all as far as understanding who she is. The only things we knew for certain was that she’s in a long-term long-distance relationship with Mike. She’s a model.  She goes to school.  And she’s beautiful.  That’s it. But that in and of itself doesn’t make Sandy a bad character.  I mean for cryin’ out loud, two my favorite characters that I shoe-horn into all my projects are McCain and Carter.  And they’re the most one-note characters in this comic! No, the problem with Sandy isn’t that we don’t know anything about her.  It’s that despite us knowing nothing about her, Sandy has her fingerprints on almost every fucking conflict in Bittersweet Candy Bowl.  And worse, the only purpose she seems to have on the comic is INFLUENCING MIKE! Let me pull some examples…

Mike and Lucy go on an adventure into the city which fleshes out the inner problems in their relationship.

Because Sandy might be there.

Mike and Lucy are starting to act awkward with each other, and it’s making everyone take notice. Why?

Because Mike is delusional about Sandy.

In the chapter directly after that, Mike is now suddenly obnoxiously happy and giddy, why?

Because he finally got to talk with Sandy!

It’s Christmas time, and Tess is having a party and Mike’s coming, why?

BECAUSE OF FUCKING SANDY!

Mike rebuffs Daisy’s advances during the carnival date…why?

Because of Sandy!

Although, to be fair of course there WAS a lot of other things going on in that scene, primarily Daisy being REALLY pushy, and needy.  So it’s not JUST because of Sandy.  It was because we just weren’t ready for Slut Daisy. The Free Daisy.

Tess is organizing a group vacation trip to Acapulco!

And what’s this? Mike doesn’t want to go? Is it because he thinks Lucy is gonna go and he wants to separate himself from her? Is it because he’s finally woken up and decided to stand up for himself?!

NO YOU FUCKING IDIOT! IT’S BECAUSE OF MOTHER FUCKING SANDY! AND THE WORST PART OF IT ALL, IS THAT NONE OF THESE SCENES ARE EVER DIRECTLY BECAUSE OF SANDY’S ACTIONS AS A PERSON! IT’S LITERALLY JUST BECAUSE SHE EXISTS! YOU COULD MAKE UP ANYTHING ABOUT SANDY, AND SHE WOULD STILL HAVE THE SAME FUCKING IMPACT ON THE STORY THAT SHE HAS HAD UP TO THIS POINT! All that Sandy’s character has been used for is just a means of influencing Mike!

And that’s not a character…that’s a plot device.  

And nothing makes that point more clear…than this scene.

We get a scene where Mike is talking with Sandy, and he shows how over and over, Lucy’s jabs and abuses which were played for laughs in Volume 1 apparently were a super serious problem and we should’ve seen them as such.  Now as a reader, I didn’t buy that for a fucking second, for reasons I’ve already explained.  However, Sandy being on the other side of that long-distance relationship doesn’t fully understand the situation.  But still she’s very worried and concerned for Mike, which leads to this.

Sandy making Mike hate Lucy. Some have pointed out that this is actually a good scene.  Because here we get to see that Sandy at least cares about Mike.  Except that, if you strip away those tears, and all the bullshit.  What little characterization we get here, which is shit we already know in Sandy caring about Mike and Lucy’s relationship.  Is something we should already know.  She’s in a long-term long-distance relationship with Mike SHE FUCKING BETTER CARE ABOUT LUCY! The problem though, is like I said… Sandy isn’t treated like a fucking character.  She’s treated like a fucking plot device! If she were an actual character, we should’ve seen her actually have a back and forth with Mike.  The whole conversation about Lucy should’ve come up a LONG time ago.  Because if she were treated like an actual character with agency…

She would’ve already known this.  

You telling me that after how many phone calls, in the time that elapsed between these phone scenes Mike never actually told her about Lucy; the other biggest part of his life?!  Did Mike never tell her about the amount of times that Lucy almost died to save his life?  Or the amount of times he did the same for her?  No! Because that would bring character growth.  And we don’t want character growth.

We want to push this narrative! We want to implant these thoughts into Mike.  We want him to have  a victim complex so that he can do shit like THIS!

We want to push this plot point.  And Sandy is the vessel to drive it off the cliff. This is why I fucking hate December. Because worst of all THIS…

Is no longer Mike speaking. This is Sandy’s influence speaking. Now LITERALLY ALL THE FUCKING SHIT THAT MIKE PEDALLED ABOUT NOT WANTING TO BE LUCY’S BABY SITTER AND BULLSHIT, CAN NOW BE ATTRIBUTED TO SANDY INFLUENCING HOW MIKE SEES HIS OWN FRIENDSHIP! And since we don’t have a clear timeframe of where these calls were made, and when exactly Sandy got through to Mike, that means you could pick any time where Mike was being cold or distancing from Lucy and blame it on Sandy! Including…

This scene…

Lest you think characters were the only casualty of December’s nuclear blast, it took with it one of the most emotionally tense and moving chapters of Bittersweet Candy Bowl: A Distance Apart.  

I’ve already talked about this chapter in my rant on Golden Hour (aka December 2: homosexual boogaloo) so I’m not gonna get too into how the perspective of this chapter was changed because of December, but I will say that lines like the above now are specifically what’s tainted because of December.  No longer is this Mike realizing that Lucy isn’t who he thinks she is, or him realizing that their relationship is not a healthy one on his own. It’s because as he said himself!

It’s Sandy’s fault.  Because all she heard about Lucy was the negative, and now all Mike can see is the negative.  And this chapter is saying it’s all Sandy’s fault that Mike now has a victim complex and it’s totally fair for him to say what he’s about to say.  

WAIT! DID YOU JUST SAY…

JANUARY?!

Hah, nah I’m just fuckin’ with ya.  We’re trying to stay focused here, so I’m holding off on the January references. Don’t worry kids, you’re safe for now.

For now…

Let’s unpack this first, because believe it or not we still have a LOT of ground to cover. Specifically, let’s talk about Mike’s glorious plan to leave the table!

God it is taking a lot to not just paste panels from Daisy’s rant in January.  You people have no idea… But to summarize, this is fucking stupid at best and manipulative at worst.  What Mike is talking about, is selfishly pide-pipering their whole friend group (minus Tess because Tess doesn’t exist anymore) away from Lucy, and he’s betting all of that on the fact that he knows Daisy is still head over heels for him.  And what’s absolutely stupid about this fucking idea (which by the way seems to be premeditated so this can’t even be blamed on Sandy) is that if this was Mike’s plan all along.  And December didn’t happen, and he did this table move guess what? Sure.  Daisy follows Mike, Abbey and Paulo follow Daisy, and David follows Paulo…and then they invite Lucy, because in case you forgot SHE’S THEIR FRIEND TOO! (also I just noticed Mike completely forgot about Susan.  That’s kinda fucked up, dude.)

But not as fucked up as this!  Seriously, that’s a fucking low blow.  And so fucking judgy.  I guess we now know where Abbey learned to stoop so low while grand standing on his high horse! And yes I have heard the “muh hormones” and “they’re just KiDs!” excuses.  But none of that really explains…

WHY THE FUCK DOES MIKE CARE?!  DO YOU SERIOUSLY CARE IF LUCY (as you would put it) LEACHES OFF OF PAULO?  HE’S LIKE ONE OF THE TOP OFFENDERS FOR PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY ABUSED YOU! THE MOTHERFUCKER SICCED A GAGGLE OF GIRLS TO BEAT UP ON YOU FOR BEING A “CHEATER”! Or are you worried because if Lucy clings to Paulo, then it ruins your fool-proof plan of going to another table since she’ll follow Paulo?  OH NO, WE’VE FOUND A HOLE IN YOUR INGENIOUS PLAN!  But speaking of worst offenders…

THIS. LINE.  THIS FUCKING LINE!  I don’t care who you are, I don’t care what the fuck you think.  YOU DO NOT COME BACK FROM SAYING THIS.  YOU CAN NOT FUCKING SAY THIS SHIT, AND THEN BE THE GOOD GUY! This is the point where I and many others realized Mike, was too far gone.  And yet SOME PEOPLE WILL STILL ARGUE ABOUT THIS SHIT!

Oh you don’t understand, Amazil! He is just a stupid 16 year old ball of emotions and hormones!  This has been building up THIS ENTIRE TIME! You even pointed out how Mike’s frustrations have been hinted at since the Vacation Arc! Obviously this has been hinted at for years! You’re just too ignorant to understand what Mike’s doing here! Of course he’s being overly cruel here, he feels backed into a corner, and is facing off against his abuser!

Now listen here, you may be right.  I can’t, I hope, and I am grateful that; I don’t fully understand how it feels to be abused for all my life.    But what I do know, is that NO ONE. Child, Teenager, or adult.  Would fucking stoop that fucking low, and think they have any business.  Any chance. Of coming back from that terribly burnt bridge. No one is that fucking ignorant!  WHEN YOU BURN A BRIDGE LIKE THAT, WHEN YOU GO THAT FAR, YOU BETTER FUCKING BE READY TO LIVE WITH THE CONSEQUENCES!  AND MIKE AT THIS POINT, SHOULD KNOW VERY WELL WHAT THE CONSEQUENCES MAY INCLUDE!  AS THE PERSON WHO KNOWS LUCY MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE ABOUT LUCY, HE SHOULD BE FULLY FUCKING AWARE WHAT SHE IS GOING TO FUCKING DO WHEN TOLD THAT SHE IS A PARASITE AND THAT NO ONE FUCKING LOVES HER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU EXPECT SHE WAS GOING TO FUCKING DO, MIKE?!

JESUS CHRIST, HE’S LITERALLY USING HER DEEPEST SECRETS AND HIDDEN INSECURITIES THAT ONLY HE KNOWS ABOUT AGAINST HER! HOW THE FUCK DO YOU SUPPORT THIS SHIT?  AND FURTHERMORE, “Like I’m the only one who cares about you.” TO QUOTE YOU LITERALLY A PAGE AGO!

YOU FUCKING TOLD HER THAT NOBODY LOVES HER.  AND THAT SHE’S A FUCKING PARASITE!  HOW ARE YOU THIS FUCKING STUPID!  HOW CAN YOU STILL THINK THAT YOU’RE IN THE RIGHT?  HOW DO OTHER PEOPLE THINK YOU’RE IN THE RIGHT?  HOW CAN YOU STOOP SO FUCKING LOW, WHILE GRAND STANDING ON YOUR HIGH HORSE?!

Now, imagine if you will, after 2 whole months of reading December.  You sit there and you wonder what is going to happen now.  What is left to say?  What more is Mike going to do? I mean there’s no way this chapter can get any worse!  There’s NO WAY that Mike can be any more of an asshole.  It’s not possible!  And as if to get one last knife twist out of you.  To kill the last shred of hope you had, that maybe.  Just maybe this could be salvaged, and Mike can’t be worse… Taeshi does this.

….

Y’know, I once heard a story that someone actually killed themselves over BCB.

And I completely believe that.  Two whole months we spent, having to watch week after week as this character we cared about.  Rips apart the other character we’ve spent so much time learning about, growing with, understanding, and learning to love.  And how do you end this chapter?

Grindingly slow.   With Lucy throwing up, then eyeing Mike’s phone.

Followed by a nothing page where Mike’s happy.

Another nothing page where Mike goes to his room.

Dialogue that means nothing.

A whole fucking page of Lucy leaving.

MORE FUCKING SNOW

And one last lie.

And that, kids.  Is the chapter of December.  The most infamous chapter in all of Bittersweet Candy Bowl.  And I hope you’re starting to understand why that is the case.  Although, I’m sure a lot of you may have some contentions especially given the newer chapters that have come out.  I mean, I often compare bad or infuriating scenes to December. And many may wonder or feel like those chapters are worse than December.  I mean sure Mike ripping into Lucy is bad…

But what about the one-sided and almost carbon copy of December in Golden Hour?

Or what about Guest of Honor with it’s Abbey Smash?

And what about the second coming of the Carnival Chapter, with its DISGUSTING implications?

Or lest we all forget the wonderous return of Lucy herself, in Love Again!  All of these chapters are fucking terrible in their own right.  And it’s debatable how they ruin some characters worse than December.  But there’s one very important factor that is lost to us now, that makes December in my eyes worse than any other chapter that Taeshi has put out.  One singular thing makes December worse than anything Taeshi has come out with so far…  And what is that factor?

Why, it’s TIME my dear reader.  Time is what sets December apart from every other chapter.  Readers at the time had to spend three whole months waiting for this chapter to end.  We stared at each singular page for days, waiting hours on end, hoping that the next page would somehow be better, or give us an out.  Instead it got worse and worse and worse.  But what also sets it apart from all those other chapters I’ve mentioned is that, unlike Guest of Honor, Golden Hour, or Return to Carnival chapter; December was a very important moment in Bittersweet Candy Bowl. Not only because of how it changed the character, but because it is one of the only times in this fucking comic where the plot actually starts to develop.  And we finally get a clear conflict to grasp onto and focus on.  

In the chapters that came before December, the conflict of Mike and Lucy was just slowly getting worse and worse.  And for the most part it just seemed to stagnate, with Lucy trying to keep her distance from Mike, and Mike constantly giving Lucy the cold shoulder.  And everyone else having to deal with that.  December was meant to be (and it did succeed in becoming) a bombshell chapter.  A big revelation moment where things finally kick into high gear.  Like, “Oh man that was brutal!” “What’s gonna happen now? Sandy is coming!”  “Lucy just got fucking REKT!” “What is she gonna do?”  “Taeshi just dropped the biggest bomb on top of us, where is she gonna take us?  How are we going to follow up this momentum?!”

BY RELEASING ONE OF THE LONGEST.  MOST NEEDLESS CHAPTERS EVER!

FOURTY EIGHT FUCKING PAGES. ALMOST FOUR MONTHS DEDICATED TO A PLOT POINT THAT HAS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH THE GIANT NUCLEAR BOMBSHELL THAT WAS JUST DROPPED ON US!  And it’s especially needless because the entire point of this chapter is to tell us that Abbey’s mom died.  Except that WE ALREADY THOUGHT SHE WAS DEAD! Oh you mean this character who all we know about was that she in a terribly abusive marriage, who we have not heard from since Abbey was introduced into the comic, who was in such a terrible state that she left her son and daughter orphaned. You mean the person so fucked up, that the last time we saw them was on a fucking stretcher is…DEAD?!  SAY IT AIN’T SO! Y’know, it would’ve actually been more of a twist, and a lot more interesting if we found out ABBEY’S MOM WAS ACTUALLY ALIVE!  

INSTEAD OF BUILDING OFF THE FUCKING MOMENTUM THAT YOU JUST SET UP, WE GET STRUNG ALONG FOR FOURTY EIGHT FUCKING PAGES!  INSTEAD OF FOCUSING ON LUCY, AND USING DECEMBER AS A LAUNCHING POINT TO DRIVE THE FUCKING PLOT, ALL OF THE MOMENTUM IS GROUND TO A FUCKING HALT IN SERVICE OF A PLOT POINT THAT ULTIMATELY DOESN’T FUCKING MATTER! And if you made it through that and was hoping, “okay NOW we can start to get into the actual plot! NOW we can focus on Lucy, and what the aftermath of December is!  Well…

Paulo tries to give a cake to Lucy, and he mostly fails, giving us

NOTHING!

Just beautiful! The one chapter where it would be okay to not give all the attention to Mike and Lucy’s relationship.  The one chapter where we could maybe get to see Sandy be a character!  Mike X Lucy is fucked, but maybe we can find comfort in Mike X Sandy!  Maybe we can have some sweet moments, and strengthen this central love triangle that we’ve been dancing around for all these years!  Maybe, just maybe, Sandy can be more than just a fucking plot device!

BUT NOPE! SHE’S JUST THERE TO BE USED SO THAT MIKE CAN REALIZE THAT HE WAS WRONG AND FEEL BAD, SO HE CAN TRY TO MAKE IT UP TO LUCY!  TOO BAD IT’S TOO LATE, SO IF YOU WERE LOOKING TO HAVE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT EITHER FROM LUCY OR SANDY, I’M SORRY BUT YOU GET

TWO BIG HEAPING SERVINGS OF NOTHING!

AND IF YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE STARVING FOR CONTENT BEFORE,  BRACE YOURSELF FOR A ONE-PAGE CHAPTER THAT GIVES YOU

NOTHING!

AND I HOPE YOU FUCKING LIKE THAT ONE-PAGE BECAUSE YOU’RE GONNA HAVE TO LOOK AT IT FOR

FOUR

WHOLE

MONTHS!

Although… to be fair, I think during that hiatus period Taeshi had guest comics and exclusive content to keep us occupied, but you get the point. As for the rest of the chapters…

Paulo breaks up with Jasmine in the most hackneyed fucking way possible, and we get a fake-out of Lucy’s suicide attempt.

We finally get the play chapter, and it teases us with the idea that Lucy and Mike are getting better except that no one falls for it because IT��S IN THE PLAY.  AND WE ALL KNOW THAT IT’S JUST AN ACT AND IT’S FUCKING…

And then Lucy finally attempts suicide and it’s all OFF-SCREEN! THEY KILLED OFF THE MAIN CHARACTER! THE ONE FUCKING BIT THAT WE WERE ALL LOOKING FORWARD TO, AND IT’S OFF-SCREEN!

Do you see what I mean now? December isn’t just a fucking chapter. It’s an arc.  The most teeth grindingly slow, and agonizing arc Taeshi ever made!  This is why December is and always will be the absolute fucking worst!  It’s like Taeshi knew what we wanted and refused to deliver! Instead being content with teasing the readers over and over for almost two years, with the prospect of seeing Lucy go through a depression arc. Instead, we’re focused on literally everyone else and all of Lucy’s inner turmoil, heartbreak, thoughts, and progressions are just hinted at and we’re just left in the dark.  We never got to see Lucy in her final moments.  What was she doing? What was she thinking?  Where was she?  How is she doing?  We wouldn’t get that information for

Nearly four years! And even then, IT WAS ALSO BULLSHIT!  December is like a nuclear warhead of a bombshell that was dropped on us, except instead of going off and blowing us away, sending us to the greater plains. It just leaked radiation everywhere and killed us from the inside slowly.   Its carbon footprint can be felt to this very day, we can’t get over December.  Because THE COMIC ITSELF CAN NOT GET OVER DECEMBER! People who wanted to see Lucy become a better person, to see her try to get better, get help, or do SOMETHING! Would never get that relief.  When I thought about December and how it treated its characters.  I felt sorry for all the people who had to read this, who felt for Lucy.  Who wanted to see her get better… I felt bad because I knew deep down that we were never going to get that story…

So I did it myself…

Don’t act surprised. You knew I was gonna go there.  I literally warned you!  There is no way in hell I’m gonna talk about December without bringing up the comic I literally made BECAUSE of December in: January.  And this time we’re looking at January as a whole.  Because now that you know WHY and WHAT I hate about December, you can start to see why January was made the way it was.  I feel the need to explain this, because January still gets a bad rap by people saying that it’s “hate-filled” which it’s not.  January is not a death threat  , nor is it meant to say “I’m better than you”, it’s not a love note to BCB, it’s a Get Well Soon card.  Not necessarily saying that I can do it better, but rather this is what you could’ve done.  Whether or not it’s better is up to you to decide.  And with that context, you can see why January was written the way it was. And it all starts with one simple change.

Instead of just outright removing December, the only thing I changed was that Mike didn’t get paired with Lucy and throw a fit.  It doesn’t spitefully act like December never happened, in fact…

December plays out the exact same way as it did in the canon, just with Susan supplementing for Lucy. So Sandy’s still coming home, Mike’s still pissed at Lucy, and he’s planning on moving to a new table to get away from her. But because Lucy’s not there…

She’s able to fucking do something.

We get to see her try.

We get to see her fail.

We see how Mike’s plan comes to fruition.

We see how things fall apart, even with Lucy’s best efforts.

We see how December still takes its toll.

We get to see her snap out of it, briefly.

We see her at her lowest point.

We see what she’s thinking and why she’s doing what she’s doing.

We see her try to figure out what to do.

We see her picking up the pieces.

We see her take action to improve herself.

We see her getting help.

We see her taking action.

We see her getting better.

We see everyone come together to support her.

We see her at the end of her journey, come to terms with what she’s done.  And wanting to improve not only herself, but her friendship with Mike. She shows maturity, empathy, and most importantly GROWTH as a character.

And in the end, the reader never gets to see how Mike and Lucy end up talking things out, but they can rest easy knowing that everything is going to be okay.  And if THAT’S hate-filled, I don’t know what the fuck you’d call the canon’s handling of Lucy in the December arc.    

The fact that we never got to see Lucy try.

The fact that the comic kept dicking us around, and baiting us with the inevitable.

The fact it KEPT FUCKING BAITING US WITH FALSE HOPE.

The fact we don’t get to even see her at the end of the line. The fact we had to wait three years for her to come back and let us know that she’s even ALIVE!

The fact that when she does comes back, SHE’S A HORRIBLE CUNTY SHELL OF THE PERSON SHE ONCE WAS…

That… is why December is the most infamous chapter in all of Bittersweet Candy Bowl.  Not just because of what it did.  But because of what it didn’t do.  Because it promised the end to Mike and Lucy’s drama one way or another. It promised us that we were going to tackle these issues that Mike brought up in Lucy, but yet… Here we are.

Back to square fucking one. You know what they say…Those who don’t know their history are doomed to repeat it. So you better brush up on your December knowledge, or at least I hope this rant serves as a good refresher. Cause from the looks of it, we’ve been repeating these plot points for almost 10 years…

Y’know I thought I was actually going crazy there for a second.  Obsessing and never getting over December for all these years. But now I see. This comic…never moved on from it. We’ve never recovered.  We’ve been stuck in December for almost 10 years…

0/10 never forget…

[thewhizzyhead]

Hey, your misfits musical thing sounded super super interesting! Any other details about it that you're willing to share? Minor plot points? Gay Relationship stuff? :0

oh boy this is gonna be long *cracks knuckles* here we go

SO FUN BACKSTORY BEFORE I GET TO THE PLOT PARTS TJXJJS: my sunday school has a tradition of um holding productions of christmas musicals every december. My teachers would find american christian christmas kiddy musicals productions on youtube and then basically um translate all the dialogue to Filipino (the songs stay in English) and have us um reenact the whole thing and ngl it was a lot of fun! I even acted as some of the main roles there when I was like 10-13 so um I can kinda say that I have some experience with musical theatre YAYYY (jk jk that doesn't really count djsff).

When I was around 12-13 years old, I became obsessed with A Very Potter Musical and wondered what it would be like to make AVPM but Christmas so that my church could perform it (very silly idea but shh i was 12 and I was obsessed) and then over time a plot that Was Definitely Not Harry Potter started to form and them um here we are fjsjd so thank you Starkid for making me go down this hellhole

Oki backstory over, now here comes the very long part:

(Also um warning this musical concept involves a lot of religion talk since majority of the thingy is me criticizing a lot of the hypocrisies in religious institutions here based on my experience so um yea proceed with caution if ur sensitive to religion-related stuff)

p.s. ari i am so so sorry but this is so fucking long and definitely more than what you asked for so um yea goodluck fjxjsjf

SO BASICALLY Misfits is about 5 "narrators" - these guys serve as the "floor directors" of the show and um yea they make sure that the plot actuall happens and everything goes exactly according to the script given by the church higher ups or "producers" - who have to bring 3 teens branded by their church as "Misfits" back to Bethlehem 1 CE in order to "teach them a lesson about God" aka convert them to Christianity thus removing the "Misfits" branding. (Also they can only go back once they successfully arrive at the manger because um that's how the producers want it to be tjxjs)

I have to emphasize that although this tackles a lot of stuff related to Christianity and religion as a whole, this really isn't a Christian Musical and that this very morally questionable mission (through the power of Stage Magic and Super Powers, the Narrators essentially bring the Misfits back to the past against their will for the sake of completing their mission) goes horribly, horribly wrong very very quickly.

Throughout the course of the musical, the 5 Narrators struggle to stick to the given script and get their mission done as the 3 Misfits prove to not only be very freaking stubborn but also quite insightful as well as they bring up really good points in regards to religious hypocrisies and socially questionable, prejudiced and backward views commonly held by most religious institutions here i.e gender roles, homophobia, the demonization of science and technology at times, elitism and classism, etc etc (i can only speak in behalf of the Philippines so um yea Philippines). Overall, this is kinda a case study on as to how religion can influence and shape people's mindsets for either the better or the worse and how it is often used by the authorities to simultaneously give hope to the people (especially those of the poorer sectors wherein because of how hopeless the present seems here because a very flawed system kept in place by the exploitative privilged here, they choose to just trust in God instead and also hope that the afterlife is much much better than this shit) while also keeping them in line and like preventing them from rioting. (Church and politics undeniably go hand in hand here even though we have legislations enforcing the separation of the church and state and um yEA THIS WHOLE THING HAS BEEN VERY PROMINENT THROUGHOUT PHILIPPINE HISTORY AND WE CAN ALL THANK THE SPANIARDS but um anyways that'll be a rant for another day)

On a more personal and emotional aspect, this thingy also tackles a lot of stuff I find rather common among kids my age, especially those who had a very Christian upbringing (aka 99.9% of the philippine population tjxbdbf). There's a lot of questioning involved in regards to one's faith, sexuality, perspective and purpose in life and all that fun stuff and how oftentimes said questioning is discouraged due to the church (and ph society overall) wanting us to just like um sTICK TO THE STATUS QUOoOoO and just comply with what is seen as appropriate and godly cause anything out of the ordinary is ngl treated like it's heresy. (YES THERE WILL BE A LOT OF SELF PROJECTION HERE)

One final and important thing to note is that the show is essentially a musical-inside-a-musical in a way fjsjf I originally designed this thing to be like um produce-able on my church's stage (because they were supposed to help me produce the first version of misfits which um yea that's def not gonna happen now tjxjdv) which um kinda looks like the OG Spring Awakening Stage (and yes Misfits is very much inspired by Spring Awakening God I love that show) which is why the show is kinda stylized like a concert with handheld mics and all wherein um the 5 narrators are aware that they are putting on a show to the point of even directly addressing the audience a lot while the 3 Misfits (except for 1 which i'll get to in a bit) aren't aware that they are in a show. The three do eventually find that out and that's when all hell breaks loose to the point that the "producers" (represented by Hades-ish voices) have to intervene by literally changing and manipulating the show's setting and plot to make sure that their script gets followed and that's when the characters really try to break the show to get out of it bUT THE POINT I WANNA MAKE HERE IS THXJD keeping in mind that I had initially planned for Misfits to be produced by my church prior to the many drastic changes, the show the narrators were putting on (aka the musical-inside-the-musical) was made with the intention to pander to a Very Religious Audience. Successfully convincing people to convert to Christianity, especially those of the youth, is what many religious audiences want to see and that is exactly what the "producers" have written for the 5 "narrators and floor directors" to enact. Now don't get me wrong, I'm a Christian and preaching the Gospel and bringing in new believers isn't essentially a bad thing; if they want to believe in the religion then woo good for them! But, such preaching becomes detrimental when you take away one's agency and basically force them into Christianity by means of guilt tripping and manipulation which is sadly very much a reality here (again, a rant for another day) and a representation of such is shown here in the show where um the 3 Misfits were basically forced into this show that 5 Narrators are putting on and, through the influence of the 5 Narrators, the 3 Misfits have to decide to become "good Christian youths" for the show to conclude because that's show the "producers" have written. So when the 3 Misfits stubborness goes to the point that even the 5 Narrators start questioning the morals of their mission, that's when the show starts to go off-script and that's when the production starts to like umm "break" and whenever that happens, the "producers" start speaking to the Narrators, reminding them that they have an audience that they need to please and a message that they need to convey.

So while the Misfits (2 of them, at least, cause um the third one has um yea i'll get to him in a bit) mainly focus on figuring out what in the everliving fuck is going on (while also dealing with their um unfortunate circumstances, childhood trauma, a shit ton of guilt and the concept of salvation and self-forgiveness), the Narrators are tasked with the burden of carrying the show and making sure that the audience finds it appealing while trying to convince themselves that what the church wants them to do is "right" and what the Misfits keep telling them is "wrong" ala um Holier-Than-Thou mindset. Once they eventually start becoming more willing to see the true nature of both the Misfits and the Producers despite the fear of disappointing everyone who's watching, that's when the Narrators and Misfits all start breaking the show by going off-script and completely destroying the plot and production that the Producers have made for the audience - thus making a statement of refusing to comply with a flawed system for the sake of audience approval while also making the first step to fixing that system for the good of all.

Also fun fact: Although it'll make my job a lot harder because I am more fluent in English than in Filipino, i wanna write the thingy in both English and Filipino fjxjdf the dialogue can be Taglish but um the songs that are "part of the script" aka what the Producers want the characters to sing are in English while the songs that aren't part of the script are in Filipino; songs that are both in Filipino and in English are um i guess indicative of the struggle to follow the script while also trying to do what you believe is right (an example of a song with that style is Interpretasyon - which means Interpretation and um Ezekiel (one of the Misfits) sings in Filipino while Joshua (leader of the narrators) sings in English and um just imagine Wallflower cuz IT IS VERY MUCH LIKE WALLFLOWER GJDJNF) and um yea i kinda imagine it to be some sort of rock-pop musical concert thingy so um woo thank you pma for once again influencing my work

SO ANYWAYS UM THAT WAS LONG SO LET'S GO TO THE GAY SHIT

Okay so far 4/8 of the characters here have queerness directly related to their individual plotlines here but um yea honestly i'm tempted to make all of them queer CAUSE IT'S FUN oki so um anyways on to the character dynamics (I won't be able to include more in depth descriptions because im hungry and GOD THIS IS LONG so um yea)

June & Anna (Narrator 2) - oki so June here is one of the Misfits and she's from the poorer sectors (i'm still working on her backstory to make it more believable but um yea) and she isn't able to go to school due to having to prioritize providing for her family first. Due to a very unfortunate childhood event (one that involves Zack, another Misfit), she had to grow up fast and now appears to have a rather jaded view of the world. Anna, one of the Narrators, is the very opposite of that - she's privileged and wealthy-as-fuck and seems to be very optimisitc and friendly. However, ever since she has been blackmailed by her own churchmates for merely questioning her sexuality (true story), she became a more reserved and emotionally closed person despite her very friendly and cheerful demeanor. So when she finds out that June's music carries a lot of beautiful insight and hope in spite of her unfortunate circumstances (the two girls bond over music btw that's how Anna got June to trust in her), she becomes confused because how can June, a girl who has nothing, not even faith, still have hope that she'll be able to find some semblance of happiness while Anna, who has everything, has such a downtrodded view of the world? So um basically their dynamic will also consist of Anna checking her privilege, June explaining how good people turn against the world when the world turns against them (YES A LOT OF TALK ABOUT POVERTY AND HOW THAT IS A RESULT OF CAPITALISTIC EXPLOITATION) (yes June will talk about that a lot), and um what it means to hope with or without faith and what it means to trust another and oneself again. Oh and also lots of philosophy talk and emotional expression through music wie

Zack and Mikael (Narrator 3) - Zack, another Misfit, is a childhood friend of June and a younger stepbrother of Ezekiel (the third Misfit). After Zack and June lost contact after the 'unfortunate childhood event' (i am not sure on what exactly it'll be but in the earlier drafts a fire burned both of their homes and killed both of their dads and rn I have a song concept describing that called "Umaapoy" which means "Burns" but i dunno i'm still working on it), he became best friends with Mikael and um yea said best-friendship was Definitely Not Platonic. After a picture of them kissing was sent to not only the school principal but to basically everyone in the school, both of their parents were called to the principal's office which led to both of the boys moving to different schools to um mitigate the damage i guess gjdjd while Zack's mom eventually learned to accept her son's sexuality, Mikael um wasn't so lucky - I'd say he went through um a lot of religious intervention almost akin to conversion therapy which then um yea has caused him a lot of internalized homophobia and um yea Mikael and Zack haven't been able to talk or even chat in about 3-4 years so imagine Mikael's surprise when he found out that his mission involved Zack - who does not and cannot recognize Mikael because welp not part of the script. Zack, a bit braver now, takes a liking to Mikael and wants to at least be friends with him partly because he somehow finds him really familiar while um Mikael tries to maintain a strictly professional demeanor out of fear that Zack will recognize him and out of fear that he'll fall in love with Zack again. Their dynamic will also include um learning to trust one another and oneself again (like June & Anna's dynamic), to learn how to be brave and be sure in one's beliefs (Mikael um doesn't really speak up that much out of fear while Zack is not only outspoken, but is also an activist - this is another one of the many reasons why Zack is branded as a "Misfit" aside from the fact that he's gay and um yea Ezekiel spends almost 2 minutes berating Joshua for this out of pure anger and disgust), and what it means to reconnect with the past and to forgive oneself (although that is much more expounded upon with June & Zack's dynamic).

Ezekiel and Joshua (Narrator 1) - SAY HI TO THE RILEY AND CAIRO DYNAMIC WOOOOOOO but yea ari dude your analysis on Riley and Cairo (and Kate) being the Main MAIN characters and everything about cheerwives gave me a lot of think about and SO I PUT IT IN HERE WOOOOOO so basically um Ezekiel is the older stepbrother of Zack and the first of the 3 Misfits to figure out that they are in a show. He figures this out because he recognizes Joshua aka the leader of the Narrators aka his former churchmate and ex-bestfriend. He also realizes that they are in a show because he recognizes their tricks which he knew about because he had participated in these missions before as one of the Narrators (Joshua and Ezekiel are older than the rest of the cast and the other narrators don't know that Ezekiel was once a Narrator as well). Due to an Unfortunate Incident (that i'm still working on) 3 years prior to the events in the show, Ezekiel cut off all ties to the church but he is still viewed as this "perfect role model golden boy" which is why the 4 Narrators were shocked to find out that Ezekiel was part of their mission. Joshua, knowing that the real reason to his sudden involvement is due to "producers" somehow finding out their secret about the Unfortunate Incident, lied and told the others that he was just included to make converting his brother a lot easier, which they believed. Out of all the narrators, Joshua is the one who tries his best to stick to the script the most because he knows that if he doesn't, the true nature of that Unfortunate Incident will not only be revealed to his companions but to everyone else watching. Meanwhile Ezekiel, who doesn't know that him being involved in this mission is some sort of um penance for his involvement in that Unfortunate Incident, tries his hardest to sabotage he show by being the most outspoken when pointing out a lot of hypocrisies within religious institutions and in ph society in general (he refuses to tell the other two that they are in a show though because if that happens, he knows the Narrators, Joshua especially will um get very heavily scolded by the producers and despite everything, he still cares for Joshua a lot). I'd say that these two are the ones that push the plot the most - one wants to push the show accordingly to plan in order to please the audience and the producers and in order to not let his and Ezekiel's secret go out while the other wants to push the show off-script in retaliation against the producers (and yes the Unfortunate Incident involved the time travelling thingy which is why he really wants to sabotage this). In fact, these two have 2 duets that are basically them trying to convince the other to go along with their plan ("Interpretasyon" which means Interpretation and "Sikreto" which means secret). This dynamic involves um yea trying to convince the other to switch sides gjxjd and um reconciliation, responsibility out of guilt, and what it means to forgive oneself (forgiveness is a common theme here) and to start to heal from trauma and to not deny the existence of said trauma any longer.

NOW ORIGINALLY I REALLY DID NOT INTEND THE JOSHUA AND EZEKIEL DYNAMIC TO BE GAY BUUTT WHEN I WAS THINKING OF THE LYRICS, I REALIZED THAT OUT OF CONTEXT, IT SOUNDED VERY GAY SO UM HERE'S AN EXCERPT OF SIKRETO (still not finished writing the thingy)

Joshua: (singing to Ezekiel) (this is also the first time Joshua sings a Filipino solo so this is him breaking the script for the first time) (also um yea the translations aren't direct translations cause I wanted to make them rhyme fnxnf) (So to those who know filipino i am terribly sorry cause yup this isnt an accurate translation fjfjd)

Ang natitirang alaala ay aking binura (I have scrubbed away all the memories that may have still remained)

‘di ko na sila kilala (I don't know them anymore)

Kinalimutan na kita (I have forgotten about your name)

Ngunit ang bigat ng pagsisisi ang aking dinadala (But the weight of regret, I carry all the same)

Ang sakit sa balikat, lagi kong dinarama (I constantly feel the sting of my shoulders' pain)

Pero masasabi ko pa rin na sinusubukan kong itama (But at least I can say, I tried to right-)

Ang aking mga pagkakamali (all that's wrong)

Ikaw, saan ka pumunta? (What about you? Where in the world have you gone?)

Tumakbo ka lang at iniwan mo ako (You ran, you just ran, and left me behind)

Sa pagbubuhat ng kasalanan at sikreto (In carrying the sins and secrets, and you paid me no mind)

Pero pinapanatili ko paring malinis ang ating munting kwento (But I stillade sure I kept our little story clean)

Patuloy na sinisigurong ‘di nila malalaman ang totoo (I kept on making sure the truth would never be seen)

Alam na natin ang kwento (We already know the story)

Alam na natin ang kwentong kailangang itago (We know the story that we need to hide)

Itong munting sikreto ay kailangan burahin (This little secret that has to be erased)

Ating pagkakamali, patuloy na bubuhatin (We will have to always carry, our sins and our mistakes)

Alam na natin ang kwento (We already know the story)

Alam natin ang katotohanan ng nakaraan (We very well know the truth of the past)

Ito'y nakabakas sa isipan, ‘di natin malilimutan (We'll never forget what will remain ingrained in our minds)

At sa Diyos na lang natin mahahanap ang kapatawaran (And from only God could we find forgiveness for what we left behind)

Habang buhay bubuhatin ng konsensiya (Forever will our consciences bear the weight and carry

ang ating pagkakasala, ang kwento't sikreto nating dalawa (our sins kept in secrecy, the story of you and me)

Pero ngayon, ‘di ko alam paano pero nalaman nila (But now, I don't know how, but somehow they know)

At ngayon, dinedemanda na nila ang penitensya (And now, penitence is what they demand)

Kaya ngayon, naghihingi ako ng pasensiya (So now, patience and forgiveness is what I ask)

Sa iyo at sa kanila (From you and from them)

Sa aking gagawin at mga nagawa (for what I'll do and I've done)

Baka nga (Perhaps)

Tama nga mga sinabi mo (What you've said all this time is right)

Na ‘di tayo ang tanging may sala rito (That we aren't the ones only at fault here)

Pero ‘di ko matatakasan ang aking naging tungkulin (But I can't really escape my little role here, because)

Sana ‘di mo nakalimutan: lahat sila nakatingin (God I hope you haven't forgotten: they're all looking at us)

Lagi silang nakatingin (Always looking at us)

Kahit ano man ang iyong gawin (No matter what we do)

Tayo'y mananatili sa entablado (On the stage we shall stay)

At lahat sila nakatingi- (And the stares still won't go awa-) (He then realizes that he's on stage and Should Not Be Having A Breakdown In Front Of The Audience Because Duh and Because That's Not Part Of The Script)

SO UM YEA IN RETROSPECT SOME OF THOSE LYRICS COULD ALSO REFER TO SOME SECRET NOT-PLATONIC RELATIONSHIP THAT THE AUDIENCE DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT YET (because the Secret doesn't get revealed til much later) WHEN IN ACTUALITY IT'S ABOUT THE TRUTH BEHIND WHAT HAPPENED 3 YEARS PRIOR TO THE EVENTS IN THE SHIW AND NOT GONNA LIE,,, THEM BEING IN A NOT-SO-PLATONIC RELATIONSHIP KINDA ALSO WORKS SO I'M CONSIDERING MAKING THEM HAVE SOME ROMANTIC HISTORY TOO JDHXBSJF

Oki that's all for today hdhdh there are two more characters (narrators 4 and 5) but i'm still working on them and i kinda wanna make the both of them not cis cause WHY NOT also i have been typing this for like 6 hours now and i'm tired and hungry so tjjxjs anyways if you read to the end, I'm sending you carbonara-

[doodles-arts]

His sweetness

Pairing: Donatello x reader

Rating?: pg

warinings?: none, pure fluffly goodness

word count: 1601

summary: You are a fantastic baker. Knowing you would be a success your uncle entrusted his bakery to you before he passed. You met them one night when you were being robbed and they came to your rescue. You offered them free sweets and they never left from then on. You, of course, warm up to them as they warm up to you. You bake them sweet delectables and they are you, favorite taste testers. They boys hangout through the night and protect you from the Purple Dragons.

One night you find something out of the ordinary from your favorite turtle.

A/N: I was originally going to write this as a complete one-shot, but knowing I had a few requests I wanted to finish, I opted for a scenario. Hopefully, you enjoy. Tried my BEST to edit this, but it is 3 am in eastern time, so take it easy on me! @donnie-duz-machines sorry to bother, but I love the way you write about donnie, mind giving this a read? Thanks! Hope you are well!

~~~~~~

As you waited for Donnie to come to check on the shop, because it was his night, you laid on some pink lipgloss and checked your face. (Ohhh, you cute!) You were satisfied, fixing your hair a little and bringing out the few treats that were leftover from the day, you put them in bags, ready for Donnie to pick up. You really wished to see him today however, a horrible and rude customer put a dent in your usual cheery mood as they screamed insults at you. You kindly asked them to leave, refusing them service, and when they left other customers consoled you. To say the customer was nasty was an understatement. But you were responsible and continued on with the day and now you were exhausted.

As you wait, you couldn’t help but feel excited like every time you got when you were alone with Donatello. Craving to see him, without looking desperate, though if only you had known what Donnie was feeling like when he got to see you?

This purple terrapin always made sure he smelled fresh and clean every time he went to see you, even after patrol, he didn’t want you to think he smelled like sweat and grime ALL the time! Tonight he was going to do it. He was going to confess his feeling for you. If he didn’t chicken out the last minute like the week before. Donnie had grown sweet with you, you were very kind and understanding, you enjoyed his company and his personality. It didn’t hurt that you were a very attractive human. Donnie saw a lot of things in you, listing them would be a pain!

As he neared the bakery, he couldn’t wait to see what special treat you had made him, knowing it would be made just for him, made it all the better. Donnie had a hard time speaking with other people, they’d get lost in his explanations or simply ignore him, but you, you listened and you were patient. To you, Donnie was an excellent talker, and to Donnie, you were an amazing listener. Two halves of the perfect soul.

He admired how you were so gentle with him, he didn’t have that with his brother, he never held it against them but, he never knew that it was something he needed. Or even wanted. As he stepped through the back door of the bakery, the smell of cookies, frosting, coffee, and chocolate invaded his nostrils. He’d never get enough of that smell because it reminded him of you. As he walked through to the entrance of the bakery and out of the back, he was mesmerized by your summer fit. Form-fitting and flowery, his face bloomed at the sight of you. Clearing his throat to prevent himself from choking on his words or his voice breaking he finally spoke. “Hey, (y/n), everything alright?”

You spun around, a grin on your face immediately present, walking over with a pep in your step, you engulfed your crush with a hug. “I’m doing alright, how are you, Donnie sweetie?” He smiled and hugged back, breathing in your scent. Knowing he’d miss it when you pulled away. You obviously smelled of warm goods, but your natural scent was addictive, cinnamon and honey. Sweet with a little bit of spice, who could resist. Donnie’s patrol was over, so he sat down to chat.

You showed him your newest pop tart creation, you noticed more kids in your bakery accompanying their parents. Deciding to add another option, creating a better chance that parents would buy them something. You decided that a pop tart might be the way to go if you advertised it correctly. Your final decision was honestly an excuse to make them because you knew Donnie would love them. And of course, he did!

Devouring them he couldn’t help but compliment you, “Usually, I’m just a frosting kinda guy, and-and pop tarts always lack enough, but this- this right here, it really is just-it’s downright amazing! Your amazing!” He blurted out without thinking, but he meant it because you were amazing. But he kinda said it out of jitters, trying to find the perfect time to tell you the truth without rushing out the building whenever you got cutely flirty with him as a response.

“Oh, I don’t think I’m that great Donnie, but thank you,” you looked away bashfully while Donnie thought his heart would explode, he also couldn’t help but notice you were being more than a little modest. “You really are- are ya know, great… no need to be modest. I think you’re kind and caring. See lots are humans are vain, but you’ve opened your life up to me and my brothers with open arms. You follow your heart, and you always do what’s right… It’s admirable and it’s also impressive that your still level headed when you need to be…-”

As he ranted about all the things he liked about you, you walked around the counter that separated you both. He was too busy looking at his fingers as he rambled to notice you staring at him from his side. Encaptivated by his ramblings, you starred until the feeling of your eyes on the side of his head burned it. As he stopped mid-sentence and looked back at you, his cheeks felt like fire and so did yours. But all those nice things he said about you couldn’t have been staged, his passion was clear. Could this mean that you would finally be able to tell him the truth?

As he watched you bashfully, he couldn’t help but spit out apologies for being so bold, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to- I hope you don’t, ya’ know take offense to that.” His voice cracked and he felt his confidence breaking. ‘God, I feel like an idiot, she’s probably going to pity me if I tell her the truth.’ You didn’t however, as he looked away, you reached over and placed your hand over his. “Donnie, that was the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me. Ever.”

You looked at him adoringly, completely infatuated with him after what he said. He had basically gone as far as to compliment how you looked, how you dress, detailing how you were very good at having a fashion-forward wardrobe through his rambling. He had described you as the most beautiful women in the world, how could he perceive you so perfectly?

It wasn’t that hard, he was in love with you, all of you. To Donatello, you were venus and he was a simple commoner offixiated by your beauty, hoping, dreaming to catch your attention through the sea of men you could choose from. As you held his hand, he studied your eyes. The glimmer in them made his pupils dialate, staring back at your beautiful eyelashes, your flushed cheeks. How long could he keep this up? He had to tell you…

“Donnie.. I… I”, you stumbled as you leaned forward, watching his lips, licking your own gently. Looking back at his russet eyes, you leaned in further, not wanting to wait for him to lean halfway. Just wanting to feel his rough lips against your own. Closing his eyes, waiting for you to take the step forward, and as your nose bumped against his snout, you paused for a fraction of a second. Pressing your confidence further and pressing them softly against his.

The feeling of his warm and rough lips was causing your head to spin as he pressed back softly. The first few seconds were strange as your lips were simply pressed against each other. As you pushed a little pressure back and smiled he slowly moved his lips apart, it was strange and you both took a breath as you pulled apart. “I suppose it’s safe to say we both feel the same about each other,” he snorted with his signature little chuckle. You giggled and placed your other hand on his cheek, “I definitely agree. Now come here, ya hunk!”

You both smiled as you kissed and you both parted your lips, the rhythm was a lot smoother this time. One hand had wrapped around his waist as your bit softly on his bottom lip and he churred softly. You pulled away with your mouth in an ‘O’ shape, he looked away embarrassed at the sound he had made. “That was the cutest thing i’ve ever heard, do it again~”

You cooed at him while you pulled him in for another kiss, “heh, sure”, his voice cracked and the entire time you could feel a pull at your chest that swelled upwards and forced your mouth into a smile. You’d be kissing him all night until he made that sound again. The goodies for his brothers, long forgotten.

[panharmonium]

Stiles?

[disclaimer for other folks before I start this one: I HAVE ONLY WATCHED SEASONS 1-4 OF TEEN WOLF.  I *am* going to finish it, and I have been carefully avoiding spoilers for anything past Season 4, including general impressions of whether or not people like various seasons, comparisons of quality between seasons, etc.  PLEASE do not reply to this post or talk to me about Teen Wolf unless you are scrupulously avoiding ALL discussion of seasons 5-6.  Thank you!]

First impression:

Positive!  I already have a weak spot for smart, witty side characters, so I liked him from the start.  But I didn’t get super interested in him until the episode with the parent-teacher conference - the sequence where each parental group is having a conversation with a different teacher and something is revealed about each of the kids is actually what got me hooked on Teen Wolf as a whole.  Before that, I’d been kind of casually interested in all the characters, but then the show turned around and was like, “hey, remember the character tropes we set you up for with these kids?  SURPRISE, WE’RE SMARTER THAN THAT!  EVERY SINGLE OF THESE CHARACTERS IS FULLY ROUNDED AND FLESHED OUT AND DOESN’T FIT IN A BOX.”

The whole way that sequence is edited is just fantastic.  How it cuts between what the teachers are saying and what the kids are doing at that moment - amazing.  The minute I heard about Jackson’s adoption/Scott’s missing dad/Stiles’s mom/Lydia’s intelligence + her parents’ separation, I was a goner for that show.  

Impression now:

Love him.  It’s hard for me to say “favorites” with Teen Wolf, because I really do adore every single character.  But he’s one of my favorites. XD

Favorite moment:

Way too many.  One of the smaller moments that I really love with him is during 3A when they’re trying to escape with Cora from the hospital, and they’re exiting the ambulance, and Stiles stops midway out and the scene kind of slows down as he stares at the intake form hanging on the ambulance door, because he just saw the signature line that said “Parent/Guardian” and he’s figuring out that Jennifer isn’t actually aiming for “warriors” right now, she’s aiming for “guardians.”  And then he takes off running, because he knows Jennifer’s going to go for Melissa.

I love the way that entire scene was cut, and the way they start playing this song as he begins to figure it out, and the way everything else slows down and the world falls away as realization sets in.  I just really love seeing how smart he is - his brain is always working, even when they’re in the middle of a crisis.  Like Lydia says, “You’re the one who always figures it out.”

Speaking of Lydia - another favorite Stiles moment is at the dance in 1.11, when he tells her he knows how smart she really is and that she’s going to "write some insane mathematical theorem that wins [her] the Nobel Prize.”  I just - I will legitimately go to the mat over lazy, provably incorrect takes that try to argue that Stiles was just immaturely idolizing the “image” of a girl he thought was pretty.  The entire point of their relationship is that Stiles has always seen past the airhead image Lydia puts on to survive their high school jungle - he doesn’t shame her for putting it on, but he doesn’t lie to her about believing the act, either.  He knows she’s a genius.  He admires her so much.  He thinks she’s the coolest damn person in the world.

[^Someday I will type up the infuriated rant that rises in me every time I see some unbearably misguided take on Stiles’s relationship with Lydia falling into the “Nice Guy (TM)” category (when it is canonically the EXACT OPPOSITE), because every time I see someone say that I get the urge to start breaking stuff.]

Idea for a story:

Oh, boy.  Well, I have about 50k of unpublished Teen Wolf fic (from both Stiles and Allison’s POV) on my computer, which was all part of a massive two-part project that in retrospect I think was maybe a little too ambitious for me at the time.  I’m not abandoning it, because I love what I’ve written so far, but it needs to be seriously re-worked before it can be continued.

Ultimately, the project was my answer to some things about 3B that I found unsatisfying on a storytelling front, but it was a bigger thing than I could pull off successfully at that stage of my writing life.  I’ve been getting a lot more experience with longfic and plotting from my Merlin work, though, so I think once I pivot back to Teen Wolf I’ll be better placed to tackle this project.

Unpopular opinion:

If there’s anybody here who ships the Big Teen Wolf Ship, you’ll probably want to go ahead and scroll on by this bit.

I have generally been very diligent about avoiding the TW fandom, just because I’m still avoiding spoilers for the seasons 5 and 6, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t been, uh...exposed to way more information about its ship distribution than I ever wanted to know.  And I remain BAFFLED about why it looks the way it looks.

I say this every time this topic comes up, but there are some ships that I just don’t care for, and then there are some ships that I literally cannot comprehend where on earth they came from.  Derek/Stiles is a ship where I can’t understand where it came from.  It squicks me so badly.  Literally just the tiniest glimpse of it makes me want to crawl out of my skin.  

I don’t know if people just...don’t understand that Derek is canonically in his twenties?????  Or if they’re all fast-forwarding the timeline and aging Stiles up; I don’t know.  I’ve never investigated.  But I don’t understand why this ship ever even occurred to anyone.  I don’t get it.  I was teaching high school when I was Derek’s age.  There is NOTHING romantically compatible between a 16 year-old and a 22/23 year-old, in any non-fucked up version of reality.  

So there’s the grossed-out factor, for me, and then there’s also just the fact that this ship is yet another example of fandom’s inability to read any relationship with a fascinating, complex dynamic as anything other than romantically-motivated, despite the fact that a romantic relationship is indisputably NOT present in the canon.

Anyway.  I could say more about this, but ultimately I’m a “you do you” person.  I’m not going to bother anyone for shipping this, and I don’t care what people do with their own fandom time.  But my personal unpopular opinion is that Derek/Stiles is the most bizarre, textually unsupported, squicky ship I’ve ever seen.

Favorite relationship:

Stiles and Scott, Stiles and Lydia, Stiles and Allison, Stiles and Melissa.  And STILES AND HIS FATHER.  

Favorite headcanon:

This is WAY old, but to pull from an ancient post: a friend and I used to talk about the Great Flu Epidemic of 2005, which brought down the entire McCall-Stilinski clan over the course of a single weekend and which has never been definitively traced back to its source. To this day, the four of them still argue about who brought it home first.

Stiles does a science project on it in the fourth grade and on the one hand his teacher is actually impressed and relieved that Stiles was finally able to focus on something long enough to finish an assignment, but when little Scott McCall keeps interrupting Stiles’s presentation to present contrasting evidence it turns into a Production of Epic Proportions and the class gets too riled up to focus on anyone else’s projects.  

The call home that time is basically like:

Mrs. Gordon: “So the good news is this project was surprisingly well-researched - ”

Papa Stilinski: “Oh, god.”

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Thirty-Six

Table of Content or Part Thirty-Five

Read on wattpad here.

Word count: 3.3k

Warning(s): Explicit language, drug abuse, explicit sexual situations

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"If you weren't such an asshole, he wouldn't have to take up for me!" I bark at Nikki as he tipsily stumbles around, ranting at me about my "fucking friend not minding his own god damn business" nearly a week ago, as the guys and Doc just look on, not knowing what the hell either of us are talking about.

"I'm an asshole?! Like you don't get me riled up and then play victim?!" He throws at me.

"Like it takes very much to get your tweaked-out ass riled up!" I point at him.

"Bitch!" He sneers out.

"Fuck up!" I hiss back.

Duff wasn't even out of line with Nikki. He had kept calm and advised Nikki to cool down and then come back and talk to me instead of getting himself and me upset.

Nikki hadn't let on if he minded Duff's intervening to defend me, until a week later, because he was taking it as Duff trying to tell him how to be married to me as if he knew me better than Nikki did, which wasn't at all Duff's intention.

Compared to the number I've seen Duff do on guys during a fist fight, Nikki was lucky he didn't lay him out in the driveway. However, he would eventually know what it felt like to be punched in the face by Duff during the "Girls" tour.

Duff was good at keeping his cool until the people he cared about became involved, and if he had been drinking a lot--which, towards the early 90s, that was the case--his temper could surpass mine, and he worried less about legalities and just started decking people as hard as he could.

I knew he struggled with the band, they weren't as close, Steven had been replaced by Matt Sorum, Izzy got sober and began distancing himself to stay sober, and to top off the disconnect from each other, Axl had become God in his own mind, which caused the fans, the band, and the people around him to suffer.

Once I realized his drinking and drug use became so overzealous, our agreement which was arranged out of court, that each of us have two weeks with Monroe a piece, became an arrangement that I had sole custody but took Monroe to visit his father for a few days out of the month. Duff was struggling so badly to keep it together with his mental health, addiction, and ailing of his band, that he didn't really notice I had our son more than he did.

If he had been a baby and wouldn't remember his father throwing back Solo cup after Solo cup of vodka, putting cocaine in the end of his cigarette and smoking it, and not acting like himself, I would have just left Monroe in the care of Tansy (since she was fully sober then) and let him stay around for two weeks.

But he was four when Duff started speeding down hill, and he was picking up on when his dad wasn't talking right and when he was acting weird, everything he saw that no one knew he was paying attention to...then he'd come back to me and Nikki after visiting and tell us about everything he had absorbed like a sponge: uncle Izzy traveling separately from the band, Dad being really cold and shivering until he got some water, uncle Axl not singing until a lot of people went home...that's when I decided to cut back time spent with his father and accompany him through his visits.

At first I thought I would be fine staying the two weeks out of the month with Monroe, but Axl and I couldn't quit fighting a majority of the time (because he was a jackass) and I came to the conclusion that Duff had enough on his plate and didn't need me to add to it by trying to punch Axl every chance I got for two weeks straight. So I cut it back to about five days out the month while they were on tour. When they weren't touring and I didn't have to be around Axl, Monroe and I would stay with Duff for about a week and a half.

Being that Nikki was more conscious than Duff, he took up where Duff had left off in the fathering department from '92-'94. This isn't me bashing the dad of my first child, either. Duff is and always will be a phenomenal father, but he stumbled for a few years, leaving Nikki to become the father Duff was supposed to be until Duff got his shit together, like Duff became the man for me that Nikki was suppose to be until Nikki got his shit together.

"Um..." Vince says, causing the both of us to glare at him. "...Can we rehearse now?"

He, Tommy, Mick and Doc were all patiently waiting for Nikki and I to finish our quarrel.

"Yeah." I sigh out. "Have a good rehearsal. I'll be at Tansy's." I head to the door.

"I hope you crash." Nikki gets one last jab in.

"I hope you OD." I leave them with the slamming of the studio door and step to my car.

Of course I didn't actually want him to OD, I just wanted to hurt him. And I did.

By the time it was time for the U.S. tour of Theater of Pain, our hands were being pinned behind our backs, and Doc was giving us a "get along or there's no Vivian Sixx on the tour" promise.

Although we were in the middle of a small battle and wanted nothing more than for the other person to wave their white flag and beg for forgiveness, Nikki didn't want to imagine going months without seeing me, and I was scared if I wasn't on tour to keep an eye on him, he would take his issues too far.

So we made up for the sake of each other's sanity, but again, never discussed what exactly happened to make us fight to begin with, and just harbored resentment we didn't realize we were holding onto until we started taking it out on each other later on.

The tour starts in upstate New York, then to Connecticut, Massachusetts, Rhode Island, and all went great...until Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

Nikki's coming to the side of the stage where me and his tech are standing, and I think he's reaching for some water while Tommy plays his drum solo, but before I can reach down and grab a bottle from the cooler behind me, Nikki's saying words I always dread hearing.

"Help me, dude." He tells his tech, starting to pull his arm out of his navy and white polka-dotted costume.

"What?" I ask Nikki, before my face pales, seeing him pull a needle out of his boot, and a spoon before handing the lump of tar to him. "You cannot be fucking serious?" I spout over the booming of Tommy's playing.

"Nobody out there can fucking see me, Viv, chill out." He tells me as a piece of tar is melted down with a lighter underneath the spoon.

The fact that it's so casual for him to do this in front of me, is startling.

"Nikki, this can't wait?" I try to reason with him as the spoon is discarded to the floor once the gold is sucked up through the needle.

The syringe is handed back to him, and Tommy's solo is nearly over.

I have to squeeze my eyes shut and turn my head as Nikki plunges the needle into his skin, throws up, then stumbles back on stage, nearly missing his cue.

When the drugs started to override his need for a great performance, I knew he was gone.

I get out of the shower, ringing my hair out and running my fingers through it, hearing the phone in the hotel room ring.

When I go to answer it, Nikki and Tommy are grabbing at it, shewing me away.

"Hello?" They both obnoxiously say and I roll my eyes.

The person on the other side of the phone says something.

"Oh, hey, Duff." Nikki smirks, glancing at me and I give him a "you better be fucking nice" look.

"Hey, Buddy." Tommy adds.

"Viv? Yeah, she's here." Nikki tells him and I step to them, reaching my hand out to grab the phone, thinking he's going to give it to me. "Well, she can't really talk right now with my dick down her throat."

My eyes bug out of my head as I tackle Nikki and yank the phone from him while he and Tommy laugh loudly.

"Hello?" I ask.

"Hey, s-sorry to interrupt but I was just gonna call and check how it's been going." Duff replies.

"It's great." I assure him, leaving out the heavy drinking and drug binge Nikki and Tommy have been on.

"How's Nikki been? Is he still pissed at me?"

"No, no, he's been..." I think of what to say. Shooting heroin on stage? Coked out and shooting Jack Daniels with Tommy? "...great." I finally say, seeing Nikki and Tommy biting each others ankles like dogs.

"I'm sorry again if I overstepped, Viv. I didn't mean to, I just got a little pissed." He tells me.

"Duff, he's fine, I promise." I state, seeing Tommy and Nikki start wrestling, completely oblivious to my conversation. "It's fine. I'm use to his tantrums."

"I don't think that's healthy, Viv." He tells me calmly and I let out a breath.

"He's just stressed out, they all are. It'll get better once this tour is done."

"And what happens next tour?" He asks me.

Nikki's affair is outed on television, I try to kill him, your band comes on tour with them, and you get me knocked up...

"I'm hoping he'll be over this hellion phase by then." I admit, Tommy and Nikki each have handfuls of each other's hair, yanking on it, still not paying me any attention.

"Maybe it's not my place, but from outside looking in, I'm worried about you, Viv."

"I know, I know, but there's no need to." I reassure him.

He let's out a breath, knowing he can't win, and gives up for now.

"I feel like the fucking brick wall you argue with." He tells me and I smile, rubbing my lips together, before seeing Nikki and Tommy finish their play fighting, standing up, looking like they're about to leave.

"Hey, I gotta go but I'll call you when we get to the next city, alright?" I tell him.

"Oh, yeah, that sounds good." He replies. "Goodnight, love you."

"Love you, too." I reply before hanging up just as Nikki and Tommy sneak to the door. "Where do you two think you're going?" I ask and they freeze.

"Uh, well..." Tommy stutters to come up with an excuse, but Nikki just doesn't give a shit.

"Score some stuff." He tells me and I cross my arms over my towel.

"Nikki--"

"Tommy, can you give us a second?" Nikki says it like the answer can't be "no."

Tommy just raises his brows a little and nods.

"Sure, man, I'll be in my room when you're ready." He tells him, stepping out.

Nikki shuts the door behind him and I wait for him to start a fight, my brow raised, an expression of "can't wait to hear what audacious bullshit comes out of your mouth this time" is plastered all over my face when he turns around.

As far as I can tell, he hasn't snorted, shot up or smoked anything in the past hour and a half, which means I'm not facing the absolute devil that goes by the name "Sikki" and is Nikki's evil, drug loaded, irritable, mean, scary, abusive, demonic, sadistic, cruel, vindictive, disgusting alter-ego.

Nikki rolls his jaw a little with each step to me, but I don't cower back, waiting for him to say whatever it is he is going to say.

His hands bunch at my towel, pulling me against him.

He doesn't say a word, and I keep my arms crossed until he holds back the inkling of a smirk, leaning down to press a small kiss where my shoulder and neck meet.

I know what he's doing, because I do it to him all the time: using sex to get what he wants.

I bite my tongue to keep from moaning when we realizes I'm not budging and ups the anti, the tip of his tongue making slow, figure-eights in the same spot.

I feel like someone's knocked the back of my knees loose with a baseball bat, and I have to uncross my arms and hold tightly to him to keep from falling down.

He completely engulfs me in his arms at the sound of me letting out a whimper, my fingers grabbing at his hair, my legs rubbing themselves together to aid some relief.

His hands pull at my towel, discarding it to the floor, pressing his lips along my chest, over my breast, running his tongue around my nipple skillfully.

Hands run themselves between my legs while teeth carnally tug and bruise my skin, sending a wave of heat from my chest to my dripping core.

His mouth moves to my other nipple, but my real undoing is when his teeth trail down to the rib below my right breast, and bite down.

I gasp out, arching into him, my head tips back as he adds a bruise to the skin there that's already scarred with his teeth imprints collected over the years.

He smooths his tongue over the bite before trailing down my stomach, pressing to my pubic bone.

He pulls one of my legs over his shoulder as he gets on his knees, pressing gentle kisses down my inner thigh.

My chest is heaving with loss of breath as he looks me in the eyes and runs tongue from my entrance to my clit.

I dig my nails into his hands that hold steady at my waist as the slick sound and euphoric feeling of his tongue lacing back and forth and side to side against the sensitive nerve endings.

He pulls away for a moment, only to spit between my legs and suck it off my pussy, making my one standing leg go numb at the sensation.

Shallow pants leave my mouth as I start moving in rhythm with him, one of my hands reaching for his hair, pulling at it.

He takes one of his hands from me before rubbing it against my folds, getting his fingers wet, and sliding them into me.

The thick, fullness has my walls tightening around the two digits, eager to please myself as his tongue massages my clit, and my fingers come up to play with my own nipples.

"Nikki." I let out shakily, his fingers curling inside of me, pulling back out, pushing back in only to repeat. "Fuck, you do it so good." I praise hoarsely, one of my hands going back to his hair.

His tongue picks up it's pace, sending my heart rate into overdrive as his fingers keep up with the pace.

He knows exactly what he's doing, smirking up at me when his fingers hit the spot, my throat unable to contain the loud but curt moan that the people in the room next to us can probably hear as I milk his fingers as if they're his cock and my orgasm gets closer and closer.

He pulls his mouth away, licking his lips, before using the pad of his thumb from his other hand to rapidly rub at my swollen flesh.

I grip around his fingers so tightly it falters his ability to move them as well, and he lets out a little groan.

"I wish I could be three places at one time." He comments.

If he could be three places in me at one time I would be wrapped around him 24/7.

"C'mon, Viv, I'm getting really thirsty here." He says gruffly, that fucking smirk pulling at a corner of his mouth, as I throw my head back, letting out another loud moan, so close to my end I can taste it.

His hazel eyes looking up at me in adoration as I curl my toes and come so hard I see black dots.

He's taking his fingers out of me, grabbing at my ass with both hands, pulling me into him and licking every last drop of cum from me before I collapse on top of him, the both of us landing on the floor.

He let's out a laugh as I try to catch my breath, my chest pressed against his, my hands holding at his biceps.

"Are you okay?" He asks me, proudly, and I nod.

"I just need a minute..." I can barely get out in a rasp.

After about five minutes, I'm getting off of him and pulling myself onto the foot of the bed.

He stands up, too, stepping to my suitcase, tossing me one of his shirts he gave to me.

"Thank you." I say to him quietly and pull it on and when he pulls his jacket on, I know he's about to go out to get some more smack.

This terrifies me and tears come to my eyes.

"I'll be back in..." He stops talking, furrowing his brows, looking at me. "...Viv?"

I shake my head a little, waving him off.

"I'm fine, babe." I try to tell him.

"Vivian, why're crying." He asks me.

"I-I think I'm about to start my period." I lie, sniffling. "I'm just being over-emotional."

"Are you sure?"

I nod.

"I'll be back in a couple hours, alright?"

I nod again.

"Alright, I'll see you later." He tells me, wiping my tears with his thumb before pressing his lips to mine for a few seconds, and walking out the door.

When I envisioned my life when I was little, getting married at nineteen, having three miscarriages by the time I was twenty-one, having an addict husband, and spending a majority of my nights sleeping alone—which is one thing I absolutely hated to do—was not at all how I dreamt of my life being when I grew up.

But there I was.

Night after night.

City after city.

Alone.

In pain.

Broken.

Silent.

With not a single soul knowing about it.

It's been four hours and Nikki still isn't back.

Restless, I turn over to read the digital alarm clock.

4:02a.m.

Sighing out, I get out of the bed and go to my suitcase to grab a pair of panties and slip them on, before grabbing one of Nikki's shirts from his bag that smells like him.

I leave the hotel room and head next door to Vince's room, knocking on the door.

After several attempts, the door opens to reveal a very confused, half asleep, blonde girl that isn't Sharise—who's baby is due any day now.

"Hi." I say, hushly, pushing past her. "Did you guys do anything in the bed?" I ask her once I'm standing by the bed and she rubs her eyes, still in a haze.

She mumbles something that sounds like "the shower" and I hold out my room key to her.

"You can go sleep in my bed. Room 223." I say.

She doesn't ask questions, she just wants to go back to sleep.

Once she shuts the door, I'm patting around the mattress to avoid laying on Vince.

I slip in where she was, Vince's back to me.

I seperate his naked body from me by laying on top of the sheet, just letting the comforter guard me from the cool air from the vent, and actually snuggle closer to him, my forehead pressing against his back as I hold Nikki's shirt close to me like it's my sacred baby blanket, and drift off.

[darkestwolfx]

Lost Kingdom - Re-Review #34

“Lesson over.”

And once again, Kayo is seemingly perfect... @tsarinatorment​ and @psychoseal​ is it time for some more rants? I think so. I’m sure Tin-Tin would have been quite capable at holding her own in TOS, and I also think Gordon would be a little better at physical combat. But hey, this is only like forty seconds of the episode, so I will move on.

“I wonder if Kayo’s finally met her match.”

“Guess not.”

Just to say, I was so voting for MAX - seriously, I have faith in this robot. Does no one remember him in ‘Legacy’? I’d have MAX for a guard dog any day.

“I’m detecting structures down there. They seem to be man made.”

“Want me to get Virgil?”

Why, Alan? So he can go in and do some heavy lifting? In fairness, there had to be some kind of reference to him because um... where is he? Anyone want to hazard a guess? 

“The World Council Emergency conference just ended, and the archaeologists agree, it is the lost city of Atlantis.”

“Imagine that. A city reappearing after thousand and thousands of years.”

“If it’s been buried under water for that long... there won’t be much left that’s worth seeing.”

Oh my gosh, I love the story of Atlantis! Literally, other than animal conservation, Ancient/Classical History was one of my favourite topics.

Anyone else love this film? Apparently it’s one of the most loved Disney films, but also most forgotten. Bit of trivia for you as well - it was the only Disney film to have ten proposed DVD covers, all of which were released as promotional posters, but of course only one made it onto the DVD. However, the German and Chinese distributors for the DVD chose to use different posters for the DVD cover (both of which only saw distribution in these countries) whilst the rest of the world copied the British/American choice. Personally, I preferred every other poster to the one they used the DVD, but hey, they didn’t give me a vote.

And, okay, yes, I won’t admit to knowing everything, but I do know a lot about what other people might class as pointless.

Anyhow, back to Thunderbirds;

“I’ve got a feed coming in. You need to see this.”

“This is Francios Lemaire, bringing you lucky viewers, yet another chance to watch me make history! And here we are, on the bridge-”

“Control room.”

“Control room- of my luxury sub, the Jules Verne, from where I’ll be bringing you footage, of the very first human - that’s me - to explore the legendary, lost city of Atlantis!”

Oh look, here we go!

As soon as that music started I just who it was going to be. 

Madeline is perfectly describing my feelings on Francois for this episode in this picture. I think - by the look of the faces we got from Tracy Island - that she describes what the Tracy boys feel as well.

“I order you to leave the area.”

Yeah, Lady Penelope, you tell him.

“Alright, alright, I was only trying to bring a bit of culture to the masses.”

Probably not the right way to do it.

“Your submarine’s in a live sea quake zone, Mr Lemaire, I strongly advise you to leave as fast as you can.”

“What is this? The International Rescue Babysitting Service!”

Um... considering your past record... yes?

Anyone remember the birthday party in the Mariana trench?

“I’m well aware of my location, thank you.”

Um, was he drinking whilst driving? Yeah, that’s a great thing to teach the masses.

“Francois, that’s re... uh.”

“Oh dear. Silly goose. Why didn’t you tell me I was in the wrong gear?”

Probably why you got the wrong gear, mate... Time to call the International Rescue Babysitting Service, d’you think, Lemaire?

So, anyhow, thanks to Lemaire’s stupidity - we have a rescue! And it’s one for Gordon - the water kind of gave that away - and oh look, Virgil (wordlessly) runs across the scene and gets ready to go. Really, where was he?

Still, I think I would have lost my patience with Lemaire by now - and damn ethics, I might have been tempted to ignore him.

“Hello, how much longer do I have to wait?”

“It’s only been half an hour.”

“I’m bored.”

“Patching you through to Thunderbird Two for an update.”

Ha-ha, way to pass Lemaire away from you John!

“We’re coming too!”

I can hardly believe it! It’s Brains, willingly going on a rescue, in person!

“I’ll tell you what’s crazy, Brains. Us chasing Lemaire through an active sea quake zone!”

Why is that man such an idiot? He really didn’t even need IR. Next time definitely just leave him, I vote.

“It’s breathable air.”

“It better be, look!”

And Lemaire’s idiotic streak increases...

So, here we are - apparently. There are many proposed locations for Atlantis (the first map below is Europe, the second is a wider view of the world), with many still in dispute. For a long time, it was believed that Atlantis being near Santorini made sense. In fairness, when I stayed in Crete, I had a lovely tour with some locals who tried to show me all the reasons why Atlantis had been near them. Actually, their argument (especially in their native language without the typical English mis-translations) is quite convincing. Crete does have massively similar architecture to that suggested in the Ancient Greek depictions of Altantis. It was argued that these could have been built at a much later stage, but the stone dates back far enough to suggest not. Whether or not Atlantis did sit near Crete, it is fair to say (especially as both were inhabited by the Greeks) that maybe the Atlantians did have a part of their Empire there.

Later, theories rose that Atlantis had previously filled a gap in the Straits of Gibraltar, and Island separating Spain and Africa, and potentially offering connections between continents. This was initially met with much annoyance by Greeks, who believed that Atlantis (an ancient Greek Empire) couldn’t have sat so far away from their own homelands. But, at the time, it was really only Greek and Italy who had big plays across Europe, and the Atlantians were rumoured to have waged war or conquered a considerable amount of the country in Greek’s name. The Straits also make a lot of sense scientifically and geographically. Although the Greeks believed (at the time and still now) Poseidon to be responsible for the sinking of Atlantis, we know that it had to have been a combination of earthquakes and/or tsunami’s which brought down this great empire, and the Straits of Gibraltar sit directly on a tectonic fault line which has led to a subduction zone (so sea quakes would be of great possibility - so I’m assuming TAG have gone with Gibraltar as a setting here) which has now been active (that we know of) from the 1700s - seems likely to be it was active before too.

You can read more about that here if it is of interest to you: https://www.livescience.com/19656-gibraltar-subduction-zone.html

Of course, many take the belief that Atlantis was a fictional story of Plato’s, whilst other’s take the belief that it was the end of the ‘last great ice age’ which caused the disappearance of Atlantis (due to flooding, sounding familiar?), but Plato’s descriptions, whether believed or not does suggest that Atlantis built connections between Africa and Europe (later working into the Pangea theories) and that the sea delves further than we know;

“In the Atlantic there was an island, larger than Libya and Asia put together, and was the way to other islands, and from these you might pass to the whole of the opposite continent which surrounded the true ocean; for this sea which is within the Straits of Heracles is only a harbour, and the surrounding land may be most truly called a boundless continent. Now in this island of Atlantis there was a great and wonderful empire which had rule over the whole island and several others, and over parts of the continent. She was pre-eminent in courage and military skill, and was the leader of the Hellenes. And when the rest fell off from her, being compelled to stand alone, after having undergone the very extremity of danger, she defeated and triumphed over the invaders, and preserved from slavery those who were not yet subjugated, and generously liberated all the rest of us who dwell within the pillars. But afterwards there occurred violent earthquakes and floods; and in a single day and night of misfortune all your warlike men in a body sank into the earth, and the island of Atlantis in like manner disappeared in the depths of the sea. For which reason the sea in those parts is impassable and impenetrable; and this was caused by the subsidence of the island. ”

Plato’s final passage on Atlantis, as it sits translated from direct Greek (thus ignore any tense errors - they are intended).

Plato’s impenetrable and impassable ocean theory would fit with the territory of high seismic activity too - which does suggest Gibraltar as a decent proposal, especially as Plato seems to know the Straits by another name, but the same land mass.

Okay, I’ve now ranted on about Ancient history enough, I think (although it is another reason why I love this episode), and I honestly do still have such a soft spot for the history of Atlantis. Maybe one day I’ll change careers and become a historian, but for now I’m happy with my mission of trying to limit extinction and global disasters. If anyone wants any more knowledge on Atlantis, just ask and I’ll put it in a separate post - this one is going to be too long otherwise, and is meant to be about something else.

You can definitely see where they took their inspiration from. I seriously adored all the behind the scenes footage for this episode. Go and look at it for yourself, the detail they put into it all makes it worth it.

“Look at those shapes. This was definitely built by Mer-people! Start rolling. I’ll do a piece to camera.”

“You grabbed me, we ran. I don’t have the camera with me. And we shouldn’t be in here!”

“Mr Lemaire, you’re putting yourself and your wife in danger!”

Yeah, I don’t think he really cares Gordon, she’s just his glamorous assistant and biographer after all - wife is actually quite far down the list.

“Would you order MAX to assist Mr Lemaire from the area?”

“That won’t be necessary!”

Scared of a robot, are we now, Lemaire?

See, just saying MAX could have totally taken Kayo. In my opinion.

“We’re trapped and Thunderbird Four is on the other side. Is it still in one piece?”

“I’m picking up full readings.”

Hell, it better be! You only just rebuilt it in the last episode! Goodness, imagine that all over again.

“Hello Gordon.”

“Lady Penelope!”

“Aren’t you lucky that I was around to come and dig you out of trouble.”

“I’m even happy to be rescued by a Lady in a pink submarine if it gets me away from Lemaire.”

So don’t go knocking it Gordon! She could easily turn around, you know. And just say you’re happy to see her, Gordon! Goodness these two could have been together long ago if they weren’t both so stubborn (and Gordon a little silly).

“He is one royal pain in the-”

Language! You’re talking to a Lady (and an audience group consisting of children), Gordon! I think we can all agree with the proposed end of that sentence though. Lemaire is.

“Do not fire a missile at my submarine!”

Yeah... point proven, again, I think.

“Final proof that Mer-people exist!”

Did anyone mention yet that meeting a mermaid is Gordon’s dream? Just because, he doesn’t seem too excited about that prospect here. Brains on the other hand, he can die a happy man now.

“We’re going to rebuild it in the assembly hanger, full scale!”

Nice reference to the selfie-stick in this episode, which was at the time, brand new, of course. I am still bitter that said word has made it into the Oxford Dictionary - seriously, they dropped the level of the game by letting that in.

“Parker loves playing pinball, don’t you Parker?”

“Not when hI’m the ball, M’Lady.”

We’re really learning a lot about Parker’s free time lately - pinball and complaining about the weather... hmm, interesting.

It was a nice way to end - showing everyone going out to the pool - good to see them making use of that thing!

[philoseokphy]

six degrees of separation ✻ lwt

louis tomlinson x reader x 18

hey! i’m the sender of this :

and the number stands for...

so since you picked number 18, i made this fic for you!

Hope you enjoy this imagines. WARNING : English is NOT my first language, so sorry for any grammar mistakes.

note : ____ means YOUR NAME

hope u like it! enjoy, and stay at home, folks!

you’ve read the books, you’ve watched the shows

what’s the best way no one knows yea

meditate, hypnotized

anything to take it from your mind 

Louis stared at your statue. He objected every inch of your skin, your gorgeous hair—it captured your face well. And your tricky dazzling eyes, Louis always trapped on your gaze everytime he looked up at you. Your brown piercings always pulling him close and it managed to make Louis feel embraced and appreciated somehow.

Your skin, your nose, your lips…—Louis didn’t even know where to start. They are flawless. The way you handle them, are affecting. Like, when you feel the rush adjusting on your body, or when you feel every eyes are scanning your posture—you’ll bit your lower lip and hang your head down low. And…what a coincidence, now you were choosing a book on this quiet library, and there you go, you bit your lower lip with your iconic furrowed brows.

Louis walked casually to your sculpture. You still didn’t notice him at first because your eyes were glued to the fancy old-fashioned book. The older man furrowed his eyebrows ridiculously, “Are you serious, ____?”

“Shit!” You cursed and jumped slightly. You quickly looked at the innocent man. You groaned, “Do you always have to scare me like this, Louis?” The fingers of yours finally opened the cover first and the first thing you saw were the yellowish blemishes plastered randomly on the old paper. You took the book closer to your sense of smell and you nodded merely, “This smells nice,”

Louis threw a laugh, “That’s psychotic to do,” He commented. You rolled your eyes, “Now, what are you going to tell me?” 

Louis took a deep breath, “Nothing! Well, I just saw you…” He took away the book from your hands, scanning it curiously, “Oh my, ____. I know what you are doing.”

You widened your eyes and snapped back your book, “What?” Your tone risen. He chuckled, carefully leaning back to the shelf, “The Wisdom of a Broken Heart? Really, ___? This is a classic cliché! I don’t even have to guess why you read this!” He laughed kind of making your cheeks flushed in shyness. You ignored him and turned away, sat down on the reading corner. Louis followed you to the seat and flew himself to the comfy seat, “Ah! Nice, now where were we?” He squinted at your nervous face. You rolled your eyes.

Louis smirked when he knew he stole the tongue from the pretty lips of yours. You closed the book harshly, “I read this because it’s a classic cliché! Satisfied, Mr. Tomlinson?” You asked sarcastically. It caused Louis to burst in a laugh. His eyes were squinting to formed a beautiful eye smile and the skin circling the eye were crumbling. You were mesmerized by this beautiful human, but you shoo the thoughts away. And hide those emotions onto a bored haze.

He stopped laughing. “I know what are your motives are, ____. Be careful,” He winked playfully. You rolled your pair of eyes for the third times, “Seriously, drop it now. You’re taking a long time to spill,” You smirked. He nodded excitedly, “Well. . . Zayn Malik.”

The name of the one who had your heart wrapped around his fingers, made your chest echoed with the sound of your heart clanking. It was very…magical. The feelings of him lingers and it scared you. To death. 

The aura of your eyes changing was impulsive. Louis pulled his lips merely, “Listen,____. I know you are trying to put things on and off, make him go away,” He hesitated before continuing, “But your steps, from moving on, is clearly wrong. It won’t go.” 

“How do you know?” You slashed his words. Challenging your eyes to met his beautiful pairs, you shrugged, “I didn’t even want to try! Louis, let it go, okay?” You pleaded. Louis shook his head.

you had the drink, you take a toke

‬‪watch the past go up in smoke‬

‪you fake a smile, ya, lie and say

‬‪you’re better now than ever and your life's okay‬

“Hey, hey, hey,…you read that,” He pointed at your book. You covered the cover with your hands. He chuckled, “And don’t tell me you didn’t watch those chick flick movies…Legally Blonde? You are really trying, ____.” He winked again. You groaned, “Stop it!” You protested.

“You’re doing all these things of desperation,” Louis calmly said, “You’re going through six degrees of separation.”

He smiled before he stood up and left you with your brows furrowed, and question mark all over your mind.

‪But it's not, no‬

—

The watch on Louis’s desk was showing 01:32 AM with its green light. Louis groaned, yelled on his heart. Who the hell knocked his door at this very early dawn? Lazily and sloppily, he walked towards his apartment door. With a mumble of cursing words and blabbered, he opened the door.

Before he got to yell at the person standing in front of the door, his energy quickly recharged. Oh My God. You with your ugly pajamas and a jacket? You with your crying face? You pushed him out of the way and slowly threw yourself on the couch. Louis is still on his shock position, still holding the knop and totally lose. “Are you okay?” Finally he said a sentence.

You shook your head, “I’m very not okay.” Your stare as blank as a new canvas. The different is, your stare was black and blank and dark. “This is the worst stage of my life,” You muttered.

first, you think the worst is a broken heart

Louis positioned himself beside you very carefully. He sighed, “What’s going on?” You let your lips pulled just an inch. Then a tear fell down to your face, hanging nicely through your chin and finally dropped to your lap. It’s the beginning of everything. Because in a second, you were bursting into a loud cry.

“Am I ugly?” You asked without hesitation. Louis flinched, “What? No!” His brows furrowed angrily. “Who said that?” He spat with upset confusion.

You chuckled sarcastically, “Then I’m stupid?” Your eyes wont stop producing the tears. Louis coughed, “Yes you are if you are crying over some nonsense like this. What happened?”

The trembling hands of yours covered your wet face, “Why he left me, Louis? Am I not good enough for him?”

Those question hit Louis like a sledgehammer. Your words, broke Louis’s heart in 99 pieces. Louis took a very deep breath. Why? Why couldn’t you see that you are this beautiful? And imagining things like you doesn’t feel comfortable in your own skin really suffocating him.

“_____, listen—“

“He’s a death of me,” You muttered under your breath. You laid your head and facing the ceiling. A sob never stop playing from your lips. “I love him way too much—I never dream this would happen. I wont let go of him.” You cried again. Now softer than before, but the effects applied the same to the man sat next to you.

And you’re the death of me,_____. Louis only had the courage to said that to himself. 

what’s gonna kill you is the second part

“Louis…I just,” You hesitated. Chewing the wall inside your mouth, closed your eyes. “Why he could do such thing? He literally splitted my world in a blink of an eye!” You spat out, now your eyes were opened with anger. And disappointment. And selfishness. Louis took a deep breath, he let you to rant out and let every weight on your shoulders to fell down.

and the third, is when your world splits down the middle

When Louis heard you just controlled your breath, he pulled you closer. He placed his arm around you and tapped your side calmly, and very carefully. Like you were made of glass, he smiled, “You’re going to past this.” That is only a sentence on the surface. There’s a lot he was going to say under the surface.

—

After that night. A month has passed.

You looked so much healthier and happier, to be honest? But not in the same way as you did before. 

Like everything pushed and forced you to smile, laugh, and did things casually. But actually, there’s a thunderstorms ruining your head. And you can only let it show in front of the mirror. And maybe the wet pillow of yours witnessed your mental health. And your sad songs playlist, one of the witnesses too. And don’t forget…the only breathing thing who witnessed your control of yourself. Louis. You didn’t have to show him, he saw it. Don’t know, maybe the third eye of him. The inside one, or maybe because he was your best friend…or maybe something else. Whenever you were zoomed out in a conversation, he would rubbed your hand to assure everything’s okay. That’s a little thing, means the world to you.

Louis always told you, “Don’t push yourself too hard. You are allowed to be sad, everyone understands.” And you would smile, “I am truly okay, Louis.”

And tonight, after a dinner with your group, Louis drove you home and he gave you a mini speech, “You fake everything! It’s not natural, it’s not healthy. You are allowed to be sad, once again. You don’t have to come to a gathering if you don’t want to,” Louis said as he controlled the wheel. 

“Louis, I want to gather with you guys, don’t act silly,” You replied casually. Louis laughed. A sarcastic laugh, and ironically. “Please, you were there for…I don’t know? 5 minutes?” 

You took a deep breath, “Fine. I’m trying. But really, I fixed myself. Nothing is a problem for me, not again.” Your fingers intertwined nervously into each other. Louis looked at you deeply, trying to connected the soft lights from his eyes to yours before saying, “You can lie to everyone, but at least be honest with yourself.”

Your breath stopped for a while. His words choked you up.

and fourth, you’re gonna think that you fixed yourself

—

And it happened again.

The difference, tonight or can I say today? 2:23 am you showed your slump body in front of Louis apartment. Again. And today’s cause was...Zayn finally dated a new woman.

Her name was Chloe, and she was so beautiful it stabbed you with a truth that everything on you had nothing on her. Her golden hair was every girl’s dream. Her shiny grey eyes were beautiful. And her body was a hourglass. She was every single soul’s crush. Including you.

And when you saw them from your social media, it hurts you because they went to every restaurant you went to with him. Did every activities like you did with him. It was almost like…he dated you, in another better posture and soul.

Her soul wasn’t a mess like yours. You smiled in irony everytime you saw Chloe. Their happiness really contagious to everyone. Not you, of course. Everyone shipped them, saying that they were perfect for each other. And it killed you again, am I not perfect for him? That’s why he broke up with me? You bit your lip. Weren’t we perfect? Right. We had tons of flaws. Actually, I’m the flaw. Your eyes were blurry.

Your thoughts, it was a monster. It swallowed every positive thing on your mind. 

fifth, you see them out with someone else

“I can’t do this anymore, Louis.” You sobbed. Eyes were very swollen. And tears were a mess, Louis rubbed your back, “Relax, okay? You’ll be okay—“

“When?” You spat. Cutting his words in a second and dared to meet his eyes. Louis hesitated, “Someday. I bet you. I guarantee everything on that, trust me. Trust yourself—“

“Fuck it. Fuck my life.” Your harsh words shocking Louis. He widened his eyes, “No! Don’t say things like that!”

“What? Now I’m not allowed to express my life in a sentence?” You shrugged, stood up and opened Louis’s fridge. Louis shut his mouth, but focusing on your hand reaching the cold bottle of beer. You took it out, facing the cold glass to the warm air outside the chilly fridge. You poured some to the glass. 

You stared at the glass for a second before you brought them to your mouth. And whispered darkly.

“I’m fucked, Louis. There’s no way out there,” Your sad dark smile was another stab to Louis’s heart. Before you drank all the liquid, and every bitter truths inside the particles.

Oh, how Louis wished he had the courage to hugged you, embraced you. Took you to all the bright places, whispered “Everything’s gonna be okay. I’ll always be here.” And kissed the top of your head every day and night.

and the sixth, is when you admit you may have fucked up a little But for this time, you weren’t the only one who fucked up.

The man who watched you swallowed his beer was agreeing, silently. -------

I KNOW THIS IS VERY MESSY AND UGLY I HOPE SOMEONE READS THIS IDK HOPE U LIKE IT 

[spideyy-girl]

Newcomers Pt. II ~ Enoch O’Connor

Request: part two for Newcomers, please??

Summary:

Fandom: Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children

Warnings: Yeah it’s a bit violent, and a little bit of ooc Enoch sorry. 

Word Count: 2102 (5.8 pages)

Date: August 28th, 2018

A/N: so here is part two of Newcomers! If you want to check out the first one, I’ll put a link RIGHT HERE. I would probably suggest reading it, but I don’t think you have to if you want to. Sorry if it’s really bad, was posted a while ago on my old blog. PLEASE SEND IN REQUESTS!!!

Happy Reading! ~Ciara xo

MASTERLIST // PROMPT LIST // SEND REQUESTS

I’ve been here for less than a week and Jake has somehow already found a way to screw up. Barron, some evil guy that apparently killed Abe, has now stolen Miss Peregrine and guess how that happened. I love Jake to bits, but he can be so damn gullible. 

So here we are. Me, Jake, and the other peculiar kids now on a quest to save their beloved headmistress. I had become good friends with the children, except Emma, she didn’t seem as fond of me, probably because she’s in love with Jake and all and thinks that I’m hoarding him. But don’t get me wrong, she’s still a lovely person, I think. Also, Jake had found his peculiarity, he can see the monsters, the hollowgasts. Really creepy things that are like seven feet tall and they tentacles coming out of their mouths and they use them to take out the eyes of peculiar children for their lunch. Lovely, right? Those are the things we’re supposed to get through to save the Bird.

Yet, I’ve still to find out what my peculiarity is. Enoch says I must have one if I was able to get through the loop, but I was really starting to doubt him. I suggested that I might’ve only been able to get through that loop since I was with Jake., but he quickly shut that down, saying that it still wasn't possible. 

Enoch walked up to me, I was leaning against the rusty railing of the ship Emma pulled up from the ocean floor, just as I was. We were both drenched, water literally dripping from our clothes. But then again, we did just jump into a large body of water. He was holding Claire in his arms, resting her on his hip. She gave me a polite smile and waved to me.

“Hello, Y/N!” she says excitedly as she jumps out of Enoch’s arms and gives me a hug, well, my legs. I laugh and crouched down at her level to give her a proper hug.

“Hi, darling,” I whisper and she giggles. I laugh too as I pull away and tuck a strand of her curly dirty blonde hair behind her ear, careful not to touch her mouth on the back of her head.

“Why don’t you go and play with Fiona or something, Claire,” Enoch suggested, pushing her a little with his foot. She nodded, said goodbye, and went off to find her friend.

“Aww, why’d she have to go? Now I’m stuck with you,” I say playfully, faking a look of disgust. He rolled his eyes, trying not to let his smile get through.

“Very funny, Y/N,” he says sarcastically, as he leans on the railing beside me. We both stay quiet for the next few moments, jut admiring the day, even though it wasn’t a very good one. “So, you have any clue on your peculiarity yet?” He asked, breaking the silence. I shook my head.

“Nope,” I said, sighing. I rested my elbow on the rusty railing and put my head in the palm of my hand. “I’m telling you, I not special like you guys. I just got in ‘cause I was with Jake!”

He shook his head immediately. “Impossible,” he says, looking at me. “The loop doesn’t work like that.”

“Whatever you say,” I argue. But a small part of me inside was really hoping he was right.

Me, Jake, Emma, and Millard walk off the shipwrecked cruise ship onto the abandoned pier at Blackpool. Jake looked around before his pale blue eyes fell upon what looked like a worn down carnival ride.

“This can’t be it, can it?” he asked, looking at us. I merely shrugged as Emma replied.

“Loop entrances can be anywhere. The one in London is in a subway tunnel,” she responded looking in between him and the loop entrance. Jake gave a small nod and headed towards the old ride, Millard, Emma and I coming up close behind. As we went through the tunnel, the cracked wood and eery sense coming from the loop turned into a fun and bright one, with light up skulls to dancing skeletons hung up from the ceiling.

“Are you sure this is it?” I asked, peering out the door. Emma walked up beside me, looking out too.

“I think so,” She said, a bit sassily might I add. Outside there were crowds of people in a busy amusement park, the only thing that stayed the same was the Blackpool tower looming over us. We headed over to the tall structure, Millard obviously having to get undressed and complaining about how cold it was, and began our plan.

We were getting Miss Peregrine back.

All the peculiar children and I stood in our positions in the tent, listening in on Barren’s conversation with his little posse. I sat crouched down behind the railing separating the seats from the stage, my Y/E/C eyes peering over the edge, careful not to be caught.

“I assure you,” he sneered to them after a long rant “I will not stand idly by, to see my destiny derailed.” He finished as he turned around, only to be blown back by Emma’s big breath of wind. Jake fired his crossbow, missing Barren’s head and hitting the target behind him. Barren’s friends soon stood up, heading toward the pair.

“Hugh, do it now!” Jake exclaimed as Hugh poo[ed out from his hiding spot, opening his mouth to let hundreds of bees out and attack them. They tried to swat them away, the female ripping her coat off and trying to use that, showing off her ape-like legs and tail. She climbed a pole in an attempt to get away as the red-headed male ran into the kiddie pool full of water.

“Come back here! Get them!” Barren screamed as monkey woman swung down and picked up a bucket of knives, throwing them at Hugh, Emma and Jake. “You think you can stand in my way? You, Jake, content to age and die as if you had no the gift of peculiarity at all? As well as your little girlfriend you brought along.”

All of the sudden, Enoch popped out and tried to hit him with a bat, but missed and Barron knocked him down, leaving him unconscious. I couldn’t help the outburst come from my lips.

“Enoch!” I yelled in panic, big mistake. Barron turned towards my direction, I saw him smirk before hiding behind the wall, hopefully going unnoticed.

“Speaking of the devil,” He says, I could hear the taunt in his voice and his thudding footstep walking closer. “I am the higher being! I hold the secret to eternal life!” He says, only a few meters away from where I stood crouched down on the ground, trying not to go into the crazy panic mode.

“Sorry to interrupt,” Olive said, touching Barron’s shoulder and catching it on fire. I’d have to thank her later. Barron looked behind him to see his coat in flames and took it off, swinging it at Olive until she fell to the ground defenceless. Jake cued Bronwyn as he shot another arrow at the Wight.

“You missed me again, Jake! I take it accuracy is not your peculiarity.” He criticized before getting hit in the face with Bronwyn’s chair. He fell to the ground and groaned, but still got up without an effort. He took the crossbow and threw Jake down as he went to attack him. He then walked to the back, presumably where he kept the Ymbrynes, where Jake and Emma followed him.

I was about to run after them when I heard a small voice scream. I stood up to see that man had put little Bronwyn into the kiddie pool he had jumped in earlier and started to freeze the surface of it. And that’s what really threw me off the edge. No way was I going to let my little girl die.

“Hey!!” I yelled louder than I thought was possible, as I jumped from behind the railing. “Why don’t you go pick on someone your own size, you bastard.” He chuckled darkly, stopping his process in freezing Bronwyn in, so Fiona went to go help her out. 

“And what are you going to do about it?” He asked manically. My eyes went from their usual pretty shade of Y/E/C to a deep glowing red, and as I raised my hand, I noticed it had also turned that same colour. He started to gag as my fingers curled slightly. I raised my hand higher and his feet were no longer on the ground.

Everyone stared at me in awe, even Enoch who had previously just awoken. Although I was not aware of this, I was too concentrated, too focused on making sure that this cruel man would feel the pain he made my new family feel. Monkey woman jumped down to try and get me off of him, but I threw her down with my other hand, and picking her up as well, doing the same thing to her as I was doing to her friend.

“You deserve what’s to come to you. You deserve to die slowly and painfully for what you have down, not only to my family but to all of the other peculiar children you have brutally murdered!” I spat in there faces. “You're lucky I’m feeling nice today, or that would be exactly what’s happening now.”

I violently turned my hands while closing my fists, snapping both of their necks, their now dead bodies falling to the floor with an audible ‘thump’. I fell to my knees, my head spinning, and my eyes and hands turning back to their usual colour. I looked up to see Bronwyn, Fiona, Claire, the twins, and Horace running up to me and grabbing me in a great group hug. I laughed as I wrapped my arms around them as well.

I smiled and stood up with the help of Olive. “Well done on finally finding out your peculiarity, we all knew you had it in you.” She said as she engulfed me in a hug too. I giggled and thanked her before letting her go. That left me with only one person.

Enoch walked up to me, the biggest smile I’ve ever seen on anyone, let alone him, on his face as he wrapped his long arms around me and swung me up in the air, twirling me around, and setting my back on the ground again, his arms still around my waist tightly.

“What did I say?” He said, his smile still big, if possible getting bigger. “I told you that you had it in you, and as you know, I’m never wrong.”

I rolled my eyes. “Why don’t you shut it?” I say playfully. He smirked.

“Make me.” He replied before I cut him off with my lips on his, kissing him. He quickly responded, kissing me back with just as much passion. It was like nothing else mattered, nothing else existed other than him and me. That is until I heard the kids making puking noises at us.

We pulled apart. I laughed at them as Enoch got slightly mad and told them to piss off. I wrapped my arms around his neck again and gave him a quick peck on the lips, which seemingly cheered him up again. I turned back to everyone else.

Well, what are we waiting for?” I yell enthusiastically. “Let’s go save Miss Peregrine!” And we did. Everyone got back safely to the loop, saying their goodbyes on their way in. I started to cry as the children one by one gave me they’re last hugs and farewells. As Enoch came up, a gave him a sweet kiss and he held me tightly in his arms for a while before we departed, and that's when I went completely Niagara Falls. I knew that I couldn’t leave him. Jake knew he couldn’t leave Emma. And we didn’t.

I spent years trying to get back in time. Travelling loop by loop with Jake all across the world. From California to Tokyo to London, going through a whole bunch of crazy scenarios. Which led us back to where we were now, running down the Blackpool pier from all those years ago. I thought it was stupid as I went through it all. All of this, years of commitment, for some boy? But then I would remember, remember him, remember everyone else...

And for once, I was happy for being the Newcomer.

[amynchan]

CAN I JUST TALK A LITTLE BIT ABOUT THIS EPISODE???

Mainly Chat’s reaction?  Because I can be super proud of him and all, but his entire reaction is something I just wanna dig into and rant a bit about.

LE SPOILERS UNDER LE CUT!!!

So obviously the whole thing starts the way all dates ought to start:  him asking LB out.

LB’s answer is pretty solid, actually.  She says she can’t because she’s with friends.  Chat says he’ll be out if she changes her mind and her answer is a ‘we’ll see’.

He asked her out and she said no.  Then her answer changed to ‘we’ll see’, which is still not a yes, but it’s not specifically a no.  But given that ‘no’ was her original answer, it’s still kind of Chat jumping the gun here.

This next bit has nothing to do with LB, actually, but has to do with Adrien himself.

He’s tired of being stood up by a father who claims to care about him but doesn’t.  He wants company, he wants to not be alone, and Nathalie isn’t exactly being warm and nurturing here.

But that’s still not an excuse for him jumping the gun.  Adrien’s taking her ‘we’ll see’ as her answer and saying that “she didn’t say no”.  Even so, Plagg warns him that:

Ladybug’s told him and now Plagg has, too.  He’s been warned a couple of times that she may not come, but he kind of goes on with his optimism and goes on anyways.

AND SETS ALL OF THIS UP!!!  Pretty intense when he knows that she may/may not be coming.

So we’ve got the asking, the setting up (and emotions before the setting up), and then...  surprise surprise, she doesn’t show.  This is actually where we get to see his optimism go away.  The classic “love me, love me not” game, but he goes “a little, a lot, madly, not at all” and ends on:

(look at this poor boy)

But honestly, he knew the possibility of her not showing could happen.  He was warned by LB and by Plagg, but I honestly think that being stood up by his father (another expected occurrence that still hurts him) just kind of had him start projecting.  He may or may not be losing faith in his dad’s affections (he only ever gets affirmation of his dad being proud of him at all when Gabriel speaks to Chat Noir), but landing on the ‘not at all’, while kidlike, does have an impact on him.  He may think that LB doesn’t care at all in his moment of projecting.

What happens next?  He reaches out to a friend who he thinks has no clue of what just happened, what he had planned for the evening, and how that left him.  All he really says is:

I think it’s kind of because he knows how bad being alone with your bad thoughts can be, and it’s cool that he reached out, but look at his face.

He’s a pouting cat.  He keeps this face almost the whole time.  At this point, he’s hurt and doesn’t quite know what to do about it.  But when Marinette says she’s hurting too, he just pops up with an idea.  He takes her to the surprise he set up for Ladybug.  I think he thought it would help lift her spirits, it gave him something nice to do, and it wouldn’t really all go to waste, but our glorious Marichat moment feels like a distraction for him so he wouldn’t feel bad.

Which...eh...worked a little bit.  He cheers up for a moment, but then goes back to being sad.

But skimming over all that, Marinette and Chat do have the conversation that the reason he’s hurting is because he wanted to believe she would be there.

They only get to talk about it for a little bit before they’re interrupted by the akuma of the day.  But by the time Chat drops Marinette off at her house, he seems to have moved from sad to a bit bitter.

So now he’s gone through asking, setting up, having her not show, and now he’s gotta face her.  He was optimistic she would come despite the warnings, heartbroken that she didn’t show, and now...  now he’s bitter.

This...  I’m not gonna deny it.  This is just plain rude.  He knew she probably wouldn’t come, and even Marinette during their chat said maybe Ladybug got held up.  He was told by (to his mind) three separate people before and after the fact that LB probably wouldn’t or couldn’t make it due to something else.  LB told him she’d be with friends.  Now he’s just lashing out and shutting down.

Granted, after realizing how much effort he put into the surprise, I’m surprised Marinette brought up the couple thing so quickly and nonchalantly, but that’s an aspect of her personality that I kinda wanna dig into later.  But Ladybug didn’t know about the surprise to Chat’s mind, so here she is, probably thinking “he said he’ll ‘be out’, but nothing else” and getting this kind of ‘tude.

Unfortunately, she does land on a landmine when she suggests to pretend they’re a couple.  Chat lashes out again:

He’s obviously upset at this and tries to directly attack their akuma, ignoring Ladybug’s lead and trying to do things separate from her (as opposed to when he took the lead in season one’s episodes of Animan and Pixellator, where he took action expecting to assist LB or further their goals as a team).  As it’s established they’re a team, this is bad.

So far, he’s been really crappy to LB.  He hasn’t directly said what’s bugging him, been giving her the cold shoulder, and been all around jerkish.  She’s trying to get this done and he’s really not helping. They’ve got a job to do and he’s been really out of it.

But finally, finally, finally he says what’s been bugging him after LB prods him a little.

I can’t get a good cap of it, but his response is “What do you think?”.  Which, hello, as established, she said she may not come, Plagg told you she didn’t say yes, and Marinette explained that maybe she was prevented from coming.  He’s acting really impulsively because he’s been hurt, and I get that, but it really doesn’t excuse his behavior.

Still, Marinette elects to be the bigger person here.

He should have been fine with this, but in his mind, LB doesn’t know what he went through.  Perhaps that’s why he felt he had to say that:

He’s still mad.  And he really doesn’t have any ground to be mad on.  But he is.  LB once more pacifies:

And this seems to do the trick.  Because finally, finally, FINALLY we get this:

He doesn’t just simply accept her apology.  No, he turns it around, thinks on it, and realizes he’s the one who should be apologizing.  And a simple ‘sorry’ isn’t enough for everything he did.  It’s one thing to say sorry and not do anything that would back it up, (which would be a sucky thing to do) but Chat’s been a person of action.  He wears his heart on his sleeve and his words are always earnest.  You can see in his expression that even though he’s still hurt and upset, he seems to realize that what he’s been doing to his partner is not cool.

He says that maybe they could do what he had in mind another time, then looks at the akuma, then starts to fix his act.

He takes LB’s lead.

Goes along with her idea.

And keeps going.  He’s surprised in the moment before, but that smile actually made me feel better because, to me, it seemed as though he knew that she’d never hurt him intentionally.  Her apology was sincere and he knew it and knew she wouldn’t do anything to seriously hurt him.

It even gets him through THIS

Which, hello.  Give a dude some warning, LB.  X’D  She explains it’s part of the plan hurriedly, and then he goes along with it again, and the akuma’s defeated and their space and teamwork is regained and okay.  Throughout the rest of the fight, they work as a cohesive unit, which is great.

So he asked, prepped, she didn’t come, he had to relearn how to face her (she apologized for not coming and he apologized for being a jerk), and now they kind of reach a final stage for this episode.

Ladybug finally arrives.  Chat’s happy and all, but now LB knows that his feelings for her are genuine thanks to our lovely Marichat moment.  And it leads her to say that she doesn’t want to play with his feelings.

She starts to fumble through her words, but eventually Chat gets the hint.

This.  This is the point where we get to see what Chat will do.

THIS LOOK ACTUALLY FREAKED ME OUT SO BAD!!  I was thinking ‘noooo, please tell me he doesn’t...’

And then....  he didn’t.

He didn’t fall back into giving her the cold shoulder.  He didn’t lash out at her again.  He didn’t make her feel bad about crushing on someone else.

(the cheek kisses are normal for friends over there, so I feel it’s important to say that he’s not overstepping his bounds here.)  He doesn’t say he’ll give up, but he does say that he understands and reaffirms the friendship she’s given him.  He’s not sulky or angry or any of the things he was before.  He’s being a good partner, a good friend, and a good person.

And even while alone, he doesn’t plot ways to woo her immediately or draw up some sort of convoluted rival with some person whose name he doesn’t even know.  He does say that he’ll love her and he wants her to love him too, but he’s happy to be friends with her.  He’s happy she’s in his life and that’s all he needs at the moment.

It feels like there was a lot going on for Adrien as a character here.  We get reaffirmation of his impulsive nature, his sometimes almost dangerous optimism, and we’re reminded of the fact that he acts on his emotions.  He’s not perfect, and if he hadn’t apologized or cleaned up his act, I would have been a severely disappointed mama.  But he did.  I hope he doesn’t pull that kind of stunt with LB again, but I think it was good for the fanbase to see that he did.  He can be irrational, angry, and frustrated with literally anyone he cares about.  It was kind of like seeing him upset during the Christmas Special.  But what makes him good is despite the fact that he allows his emotions to take control sometimes, he chose to fix it.  And then, when he was tested again literally after he fixed his behavior, the alterations stuck.  He didn’t take out his frustrations on LB and he didn’t do what he did during the fight.  He said ‘ok’ and was kind.

But...hey, this is just my take on it. And I’m a bit of an Adrien and a bit of a Chat Noir fan, so....  X’D  In my focus on Adrien/Chat Noir, I didn’t really go over what I think Marinette did wrong or right as a character (Honestly, I think she was mainly right except for literally one point), but yeah....

Anyhoot, this is just my ranting and some of my thoughts that I somehow managed to organize.  X’D  I hope you sort of enjoyed??  ^^;

[imaginetonyandbucky]

Helping Hands, Epilogue

Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Chapter Four | Chapter Five| Chapter Six | Chapter Seven | Chapter Eight | Chapter Nine | Chapter Ten| Chapter Eleven | Chapter Twelve | Chapter Thirteen | Chapter Fourteen | Chapter Fifteen | Chapter Sixteen | Chapter Seventeen | Chapter Eighteen| Chapter Nineteen | Chapter Twenty | Chapter Twenty-One | Chapter Twenty-Two 

Epilogue: Second Hand News 

(four years later)

Tony looked so heartbreakingly good in a tux that Bucky forgot he was supposed to be looking at the bride. He couldn’t have taken his eyes off Tony if someone had paid him.

The entrance march music started and everyone else in the cathedral turned to watch as Pepper walked up the aisle, her red hair streaming out from under the veil, caught in curls and braids and dotted with flowers. Bucky glanced at her once and turned his attention back to the front of the church, where Tony was resplendent, the elegant double-vested silver-gray tux fit him to perfection. Nothing Tony ever wore was less than perfect, but this outfit was sublime, from the simple flower in his lapel to the puffed black and silver pocket handkerchief and all the way down to his polished and gleaming shoes.

Pepper made her way up the aisle, her hand light on her escort’s arm -- Bucky though it was a cousin, Pepper’s parents being long gone -- her pale skin nearly blending in with her dress.

She got to the front and her groom stepped down to take her hands in his; Pepper’d cut the bit about actually being given away, in an epic rant that she’d obviously prepared over a lot of time and was rather flabbergasted when no one had argued with her.

“It’s your wedding, Ginger Snaps,” Tony had said. “Whatever you want goes.”

“Stop starin’ at the best man, firecracker,” Clint said, leaning over and whispering in his ear. “People are gonna think you’re in love.”

Bucky shoved his brother-in-law, probably not as discreetly as he should have, given the looks he got from some of the military guys that were on the groom’s side. Air Farce assholes. Bucky gave them his best shit-eating grin and jerked his chin toward the front of the church. Pay attention, that look said.

Steve, who was really too old to be squirming as much as he was, kept shifting from side to side, trying to see around the lady in front of him. To be fair, she did have an enormous hat. Of course, Steve’s interest was probably less about the wedding and more because someone had told him that the Unitarian Universalist minister who was performing the ceremony, Dr. Stephen Strange, was also a stage magician in his spare time, and Steve was convinced that it would be really cool if Dr. Strange would conjure the rings up, or spill flowers out of his wand.

After Dr. Strange called the audience to attention, he lifted a brilliantly purple hardcover book and read from a section near the middle.

(mobile readers, ‘ware the read more.)

“What greater thing is there for two human souls than to feel that they are joined together to strengthen each other in all labour, to minister to each other in all sorrow to share with each other in all gladness, to be one with each other in the silent unspoken memories.

“When love beckons to you, follow him, Though his ways are hard and steep, and when his wings enfold you, yield to him, Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you. And when he speaks to you believe him, though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden. Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself. Love possesses not nor would it be possessed: For love is sufficient unto love.

“James Rhodes and Virginia Potts, you have invited us to be with you today as witnesses to your affirmation of the happiness that you have found together, and to the pledge through which you publicly express your personal commitment to one another.

“The ceremony in which we now join marks neither a beginning nor an end in your relationship, but one step in a continuing process of change and growth. Growth is an essential part of marriage as it is an essential part of life. Your relationship must keep unfolding into new dimensions, but if you can keep in step as you go forward together, your marriage will remain a source of new strength and insight.”

Bucky lost track of the ceremony after that, occupied in getting Steve to sit down and still for five minutes, for pity’s sake, and in watching Tony beam proudly as his best friend married the woman he’d been pining over for what Bucky had been told was nearly a decade.

Tony did the typical fumbling through his pockets when they got to the exchange of rings, Pepper was blushing furiously and giggling at the same time, so overjoyed at getting married that even though she was trying to glare at Tony, she failed utterly.

Finally, the rings were discovered -- exactly where Bucky had tucked them two hours before, of course -- and Pepper swore to have and hold, for better and worse, in sickness and health, in front of these witnesses, one James Rhodes, for as long as they lived.

Rhodey made the same vow, then drew the bride’s veil away from her face and tenderly kissed his wife as if it was the first time he’d ever pressed his lips to hers. On the far side of Clint, Natasha sniffled and drew a hankie out of her purse to dab at her eyes.

Strange introduced the couple to the congregation as Colonel and Mrs. Potts-Rhodes.

“And there was much rejoicing,” Clint quipped in Bucky’s ear in a terrible British accent. “Time to hit the open bar, right, firecracker?”

“Tell me about it,” Bucky said. He wasn’t even in the wedding party and the morning had been a fucking nightmare, starting with trying to find Rhodey, who’d gotten so drunk at the bachelor party that he’d fallen asleep in the closet of Tony’s hotel room. And then Rhodey’s mom’s preacher had shown up and been a little indignant that Pepper had insisted on a (mostly) secular wedding.

Tony had misplaced the rings (no, he hadn’t, he was just jittery, and Bucky had found them on three separate occasions because Tony kept setting the box down and forgetting where he’d put it) and then there’d been a mistake with the flowers. The maid of honor, Maria, had handled that, and if there was something still wrong with the flowers, Bucky couldn’t tell what it was.

Bucky had repeated the only advice that Big Jim had ever given him that meant a damn, “If you’re married at the end of the service, it was a successful wedding.”

The bride and groom exited under the Arch of Sabres, then dashed around to the back of the church for photographs. Bucky sighed; the wedding party and family would be posing for a wide variety of photos, so he wouldn’t see Tony again until the reception. He grabbed a couple bottles of soap bubbles and then tried to prevent Steve from using them all up immediately.

On the other hand, once they were outside the church, Steve found Peggy and they started chasing each other around. Amanda Carter’s husband was, as it turned out, friends with Rhodes, some joint American-British airman thing. Which was great, because it gave Steve someone to annoy that wasn’t Bucky, for a few minutes, at least.

“I hear we’re going to be calling you Dr. Barnes soon,” said Tony’s friend, Bruce, coming up behind him.

Bucky waved a hand. “Another year,” he said, “and then I still have to do my defense. But yeah, school’s going well. Hey Betty, good to see you again.” He turned to greet Bruce’s wife, the daughter of Secretary Ross. Bucky was getting good at mingling with people that he’d previously considered way above his station. Betty, at least, was delightful. Secretary Ross, not so much, but the man was too busy and important to attend the wedding of a mere Colonel.

Finally, Rhodes and his wife exited the chapel under a rain of soap bubbles, while Pepper laughed and Rhodey grinned so hard it looked like his face would split in half. They stopped, kissed passionately, and then climbed into the limo. Bucky smirked as Rhodes got lost in a pile of white fluffy dress before the door shut and they drove off.

Tony draped himself around Bucky’s shoulders. “Always a bridesmaid and never a bride,” he said.

“Can’t imagine why,” Bucky said, turning and meeting Tony halfway in a quick kiss. “My boy looks amazing in a tux.” He brushed a non-existent speck off Tony’s coat.

“C’mon, let’s get to the reception, I’m starving.”

“Well, if you’d eaten breakfast this morning, like I told you…”

“You two sound like an old married couple already,” Clint said.

“Shut up,” Bucky said, shoving Clint again. Which started an actual pushing fight that only broke up when Natasha threatened to show them that she could, actually, carry concealed and wear a slinky red dress at the same time. Much as Bucky wanted to challenge her on that, he was afraid that his sister-in-law probably was armed and the less he knew about that, the better.

“I swear,” Natasha said, taking her husband’s arm and smacking him with her tiny pocketbook. “I don’t know how you two made it to adulthood.”

Bucky managed an offended sniff. “Excuse you, I’m still not an adult.”

“Feed me,” Tony declared, tugging on Bucky’s arm. “Or I am going to kill and eat the weakest member of the party.”

“Steve!” Bucky twisted his head around, looking for his son.

“Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad,” Steve said, grabbing a handful of Bucky’s jacket. “C’n I ride with Peggy, Dad, can I, can I, can I?”

“Steve, you’re almost twelve, not six. Can we ask a little less like you’re trying out to be George of the Jungle?”

Steve snorted, looking disgusted. “May I please ride with Mrs. Carter and Peggy? Mrs. Carter already said I could, if it was okay with you.”

“Go on, then,” Bucky said. “I’ll see you at the reception.” Steve ran off, not breathing hard at all. The new treatments, a series of injections that Steve had been getting for the last eight months, had really made a difference. Four years ago, Bucky would never have been able to afford prescriptions like that, brand-new, semi-experimental drugs, but now? Things were so much better, so different.

He turned a warm smile at his boyfriend.

“What?” Tony met his gaze with a warm look. “You’re looking at me like you’re going to bite me. You ate breakfast, I remember this. You don’t have an excuse.”

“What, I can’t kiss you just because I want to?”

“Oh, absolutely, you can do that, any time you want,” Tony said.

“No, you can’t,” Clint said, shoving at the center of Bucky’s back. “Neck later. Drive now.”

Bucky put one arm around his brother-in-law, slung the other around Tony’s waist, and steered them off toward the parking lot.

A few hours later Bucky was nicely tipsy and well fed. He’d danced with Tony several times, taken the bride on a quick spin around the floor, and now the reception was drawing to a close.

“Why do I have to stand with the single ladies?” Bucky protested as Wanda dragged him into the crowd.

“Because you’re so much prettier than Tony, Uncle Bucky,” she said, giggling. J’s ring glittered on her finger. As the story went, she’d been managing the band on tour for so long, J had decided to make it official and hire her as the boss of him. It wasn’t a romantic proposal, as far as Bucky had been concerned, but Wanda had loved it. Four months from now, he’d be at yet another wedding.

“I have an unfair advantage,” Bucky said, grinning at the rest of the women, “as I’m a good eight inches taller than most--”

Pepper’s bouquet hit him right in the face and he caught it by surprised accident.

“That was deliberate,” one of the girls protested.

When Rhodey flicked Pepper’s garter right into Tony’s waiting hands, Bucky changed his mind. It wasn’t deliberate so much as it was a fucking clue by four.

Tony slipped the garter over his wrist like a bracelet. “You think they’re trying to tell us something?”

“Nothing I haven’t already thought about,” Bucky confessed.

“Yeah?” Tony asked. “Doesn’t say much that you’re thinking, not acting.”

“Waiting for the perfect moment,” Bucky said.

“Well, maybe this is it.”

“Wait,” Bucky said. “Am I misreading this, or did you just sort of lame-ass propose to me?”

“Somebody had to do it,” Tony said. He tipped his head to the side, grinning. “So? Will you marry me, James Barnes?”

Bucky gaped at him for a moment, then pulled his boyfriend -- his fiancé? -- into his arms. “Oh, hell yes! Yes, yes, yes!”

Newsday.com

Billionaire industrialist Anthony Stark’s publicist announced today on Twitter his engagement to longtime partner James Barnes, Director of Family Services in New York City. Barnes, a former special forces operative and widower, has one son from his previous marriage, Steven. The wedding will be held privately at Stark’s family mansion in Utica in six weeks.

“Darcy sent you more press clippings?” Tony looked up from the schematic he was adjusting.

“This one’s nicer than some of the others,” Bucky said. He leaned over and kissed Tony’s cheek. “I didn’t even have to take my shirt off.”

“Not that I’d object,” Tony pointed out.

“You want my shirt off, you do it,” Bucky said, smirking.

“Sure,” Tony said. “I’ll give you a hand with that.”

A/N: again, I want to say thank you to everyone who’s read, commented, kudos and otherwise been extremely supportive of this fic. You can find the entire work either by clicking the chapter links at the top, or by following my A03 [x] account. 

If this sort of fic (romance, no powers, AU) is something you like, please stick around. Starting next week, @everyworldneedslove and I ( @tisfan ) will be presenting a very long work called Safe and (the) Sound, which is a very Nickolas Sparks treatment of a winteriron romance. With a side helping of Natalia/Steve and Sam/Wanda (if you squint REALLY hard)