#highly recommend for the autism community

[sardonic-the-writer]

So I watched Glass Onion. And I have some very fun obversations turned info dumping turned (positive) ranting to do about the brilliance of this movie. Warning for SPOILERS

• Benoit Blancs husband (Phillip I belived) had flour/dough on his face when he opened the door, insinuating he's a messy baker. Just an extra detail I noticed that really shows the effort put into the movie both by actors and writers

• The very real incorporation of covid into the movies universe. That was an interesting thing for me. Adds for some funny gags (like the among us scene, not getting over that ever actually) and some real insight to the characters shitty personalities (Birdies mesh mask, and the fact that Miles was probably pretending to have a vaccine just so he could get them to take off their masks since that man never created anything on his own)

• This is probably my own mind spinning things up, but the name Miles for a billionaire who got everything through stealing ideas? And taking the credit? By "walking a mile in their shoes" but not really? Or he could just be an asshole with the most generic white guy name ever idk

• You could clearly tell there was a class thing going on. Birdie only stopped flirting with Blanc when he mentioned being a buyer of her product. Not as if to say, how I've seen other people point out, only gay men wear sweatpants so she suddenly decided she couldn't flirt with him oops my bad. Moreso, it was Blanc lying (or telling the truth, who knows maybe he does buy them) about wearing her brand simply so he can divide the line between them socially. As if to say, "I know you'll stop touching me if I clarify I'm not anywhere near your status. I am your target market. Something you don't give a second thought about." Between that and how Peg clearly didn't fit despute having hung around that group for 10 years as Birdies assitant, a lot of this movies positive and negative energy depended on who was interacting with who and if they were "good enough" for the others gaze

• I think a lot of people caught the symbolizm between all of the famous paintings being incorporated into the movie (Helen's smile at the end reminiscent of the Mona Lisa, Miles scream at the painting being destroyed a life like recreation of the painting Scream, everyone sitting at dinner like The Last Supper in multiple shots) but I thought it was worth mentioning again for the sheer brilliance

• Miles' tantrum he throws while calling Helen a child, despite her having been probably one of the most adult people in the entire movie. Mind you Miles was the same person who minutes ago was shaking in rage at his previous car—the very same car he had rode in to kill Andi in—smashing through his glass ceiling

• Plus, a rich guy with an all glass house barefoot? He truly belived nothing could ever go wrong in his perfect world; his perfect mic-mansion house. That nothing would be broken or shattered for him to potentially step on later. And I mean that both metaphorically and litteraly

[wheelie-sick]

this is going to be a long post, it's kinda just me writing all my raw unfiltered thoughts on ABA therapy as someone who actually went through it

-> TW for ABA therapy, child abuse, suicide <-

I was functionally diagnosed with autism at the age of 3 but it wasn't until I was 13 that I was actually formally evaluated for it and given an official diagnosis. I was behind in social skills and developmental skills

[ID: "was also described as a sensory seeker. She does not currently have any friends and has struggled to make and maintain peer relationships throughout her childhood. Difficulties with social skills were initially noted when she was in preschool (years before the onset of clinically significant symptoms of anxiety and"]

[ID: "Social functions: [blank]'s mother also completed a questionnaire rating her social responsiveness. Her responses on the SRS-2 indicated that [blank] is demonstrating severe deficits in the areas of Social Communication (reciprocal social interaction and nonverbal and verbal communication), Social Motivation (motivation to engage in social-interpersonal behavior) and Social Awareness (perceiving social cues) and moderate deficits in the areas of Social Cognition (understanding social cues). Severe Repetitive and Restrictive Behaviors (stereotypical behaviors or highly restricted interests) were also reported. The total T-score on the SRS-2 indicates severe deficiencies in reciprocal behavior that are likely to result in interference in everyday social interaction"]

[ID: "%ile) are mildly impaired, while her social skills are moderately impaired (2nd %ile). By domain, demonstrates mildly to moderately impaired abilities in six adaptive skills areas, including self care (9th %ile), communication (5th %ile), home living (5th %ile), self-direction (2nd %ile), social (2nd %ile), and leisure (1st %ile)"]

and ultimately all this ended up with the number one recommendation after my autism evaluation being for ABA therapy.

[ID: "Recommendations: Based on the above results, the following recommendations are made for [blank] and her family.

1. ABA therapy: [blank] May benefit from an intensive treatment program to foster cognitive and communication skills, improve independence and adaptive functioning, and help manage interfering behaviors (i.e home-based, 1:1 instruction, task analysis, etc.) Most private and community programs are based on principals of operant conditioning and taught in home with 1:1 instruction"]

*I'm getting misgendered here. my pronouns are he/him

"operant conditioning"-- like a dog 🐕🐕. woof woof.

my mom didn't know any better so she put me in ABA therapy with the Center for Autism and Related Disorders. she regrets this. I regret this more.

my autism evaluation was cruel, it dissected all my flaws as if I was a bug under a microscope in a highschool laboratory. my evaluation was passed around to ABA therapists, a line of high schoolers peering through the microscope examining the most vulnerable parts of me.

and I choose the highschool analogy quite deliberately. most of the ABA therapists at my center were recent highschool graduates with no degree and little training. they knew nothing about autism and had no qualifications. you need more certificates to become a professional dog trainer than to become a professional human trainer.

"operant conditioning"

and I wish I could say it was just a poor choice of words but ABA therapy was dog training for children. my dad used to call me an "it" and somehow I felt less dehumanized by that than the entire experience I had in ABA therapy.

I was the oldest person at my center (I did not receive in home therapy) with the next oldest being approximately 3 years younger than me. at the time I felt babied. I was surrounded by 5 year olds and I was treated as if I was not just a 5 year old but an autistic 5 year old and anyone who has been a visibly autistic 5 year old knows what that feels like. I had escaped being an autistic child and now I was being treated like one again. The head of the program tried to console me by telling me adults received their services too.

[ID: "Following the principles of applied behavior analysis, CARD has developed a treatment approach for children and adolescents with"]

this was the first lie they told me. CARD does not work with adults.

I was not allowed the privileges of being a 13 year old. because I was an autistic 13 year old and therefore I was the equivalent of a 5 year old. I was in psychotherapy at the same time and I had grown very accustomed to some level of freedom in therapy. I was allowed to use the bathroom independently. in ABA therapy I was not allowed to use the bathroom independently. I tried once, me and my therapist were on an "outing" to the grocery store and I told my therapist I was going to the bathroom and walked off and I got a very stern talking to about how I needed to "stop eloping" and if I didn't stop it would "become a behavior"

eloping became a common theme used to control me and squeeze money out of my parents.

out of everything I hated in my life, including severe physical abuse at home (which they did not report), I hated ABA therapy the most. I would repeatedly make serious threats of suicide to try to get out of ABA. no one cared. everyone thought I was being dramatic but there were times I wrote out suicide notes and ABA was among the reasons I listed. ABA made me feel hopeless, depressed, revolting, disgusting, inferior, and less than human. between ABA, my home life, and my social life I had never felt so hated and it was boiling through my skin. I acted out, I was bullying people, I was behaving recklessly, I was starting fights, and all this only made the oppressive force of ABA crack down on me harder. I was a cat hissing in the corner begging to be left alone and ABA brought a net to try to tame me further. every time I scratched back it was listed as a reason I needed to be there.

I was "disruptive" and "rebellious" and "uncooperative" and "resistant to treatment" and no one could figure out why I was "regressing" despite me shouting the answer. I was screaming and no one was willing to hear me

I hated myself and my autism. my autism diagnosis made me want to die. I didn't feel freed by it or understood I felt ashamed and disgusted. I felt incompetent and like I had failed. I was ashamed to be at ABA, it was my biggest secret. I'd lie to my friends about why I couldn't hang out and I'd lie to people in public about who the woman I was with was and I'd lie about all of it to try to cover up my most shameful secret.

ABA therapy did nothing but foster this. In ABA therapy I was mocked for being autistic and what was happening only clicked when a young kid, maybe only 4 or 5, was flapping his hands and a therapist took out her phone and recorded him. we were circus animals. it was all an entertaining show to them while they poked and prodded at us with metaphorical hot irons to make us dance. the first time a therapist laughed at me for rocking back and forth I wanted to throw up. I almost did. it was systematic bullying of children I was forced to watch and experience.

my point is: the last place on earth I wanted to be was the ABA center.

so of course I tried to leave. my mom would bring me McDonald's and I'd beg, sobbing real tears, to leave early because only she could sign me out. every time I'd go to meet her I'd be marked as "eloping" and my hotel stay in hell would get extended.

my natural response to a stressful environment (leaving) was pathologized. I was eloping this way and that way and never once did I actually, truly elope. that word was a weapon used against me. they used my "elopement" to justify extending my stay to my parents. they ate it right up.

they argued I needed to stay there because I was making friends. this was true, I'm great at getting along with children it's part of why I want to go into pediatrics, but I had also made real friends with people my age at my highschool. ABA was getting in the way. I wanted to spend time with my friends outside of school but ABA took up all my time from the minute I left school to 6pm and all day on weekends. I was doing a full time job's worth of hours. I complained about how I was missing out on spending time with my real friends (as in, over the age of 7) and I was met with almost no wiggle room in my schedule. I was allowed to pre-plan time to spend with friends but every time my friend group wanted to do something spontaneously? I had to say no, and I had to lie about why. my friends would share stories about driving around town with 2 people in the group stuffed in the trunk, of hanging out in the woods together, of taking part in ordinary highschool activities as ordinary high schoolers and it made me cry because I was not an ordinary highschooler and I was not allowed to participate in ordinary highschool activities. I was one of those weird, unpleasant, socially awkward autistic people instead. eventually, they just stopped inviting me. I was forced into the out group by ABA.

I'll never get that back. I'll never get a chance to be a normal highschooler ever again.

when I did have time available to hang out with people I never had the energy to. at the time I was living with an undiagnosed physical disability and I was begging to see a doctor but no one would believe that it wasn't just anxiety. the people who believed me least of all were the people at the center.

I was constantly told I was trying to get out of therapy by "feigning" very real pain and fatigue. I tried to explain spoon theory, and that I had limited spoons, and in response they made a task for me to name things to "regenerate spoons" that's not how it works. I wasn't the only physically disabled person there. there was a wheelchair user who was constantly forced to stand for periods of time despite being in agony doing it. he wasn't allowed rewards until he did it.

rewards were used to train us like dog treats are used with dogs. sometimes the treats were fun! I'd get to cook, play Mario kart, and go on outings. other times the treats were "using the correct name and pronouns for me." I'd constantly be threatened with deadnaming and misgendering if I was being "noncompliant."

misgendering because of my autism was a theme in my life. my neuropsych evaluation report misgendered me. my parents misgendered me. the staff at ABA misgendered me. at one point the head of the program suggested that my "gender confusion" was because of my autism. my abusive father latched onto this and still claims that the reason I'm "confused" about my gender is because the evil transgenders tricked me into thinking I'm one of them because I'm autistic and therefore easily impressionable.

the two therapists I had were nice because I refused to work with the others. they weren't on a power trip and both eventually left because they realized the harm the organization was doing. other therapists were not so kind. other therapists were on a power trip, because in their mind lording over autistic 5 year olds (and autistic 14 year olds) makes them powerful and strong. occasionally I'd get stuck with one of the other therapists when my usual therapists were out. they would talk to me in a baby voice. they would make fun of me for rocking back and forth, for not making eye contact, for talking about Skyrim "too much" and generally just for being autistic.

I never really knew what I was supposed to be doing, just that I was doing it wrong. the therapists there rarely actually told me what my tasks were they'd just mark yes or no on them, judging me for something I wasn't aware of. I was never actually supposed to graduate, I was never supposed to get out, if they wanted me to succeed they would have taught and explained what was happening but I was intentionally left in the dark.

I continued threatening suicide to get out. no one took me seriously. I was seriously considering it. there's no happy conclusion where someone finally realized it was all wrong, or I figured out how to be allistic and graduated, or I felt more comfortable there. I only got out when covid struck and shut the center down. it's gone now, replaced by a family advice center. I hope their advice for autistic children is to never put them in ABA.

there is no grander message here just suffering. I'm sorry if you were expecting some sort of great point at the end of this. there's not one. it happened, I wish it didn't, and I hope no one else experiences what I did ever again.

okay to reblog

[genderkoolaid]

Hey, I had read a post from you a while back where you mentioned that people can be queer solely because they're autistic, even if they're still cishet, and I was wondering if you could explain that a bit more? I've been frustrated for a long while with how I'm expected to look and act as a cis man, and that's lead me to blogs like yours.

So, its been pretty well established now that autistic people* are more likely to identify with queerness, in gender and sexuality and anattraction (aspec).

One factor in this is that autistics tend to not pick up (or want to follow) arbitrary, often unspoken social rules. So many autistics don't understand or want to follow rules about what defines men and women and how those groups Should behave and why only these groups can exist.

But there's also deeper issues in how gender roles themselves reject autistics. For example, autistic people tend to use and move our bodies differently. For me, I tend to be somewhat clumsy and generally "ungraceful," which goes against the expectation for women to be good at using the body in structured and pleasing ways. We may not speak in ways men and women are socialized too. Stimming can be a very visible sign of neurodivergency, which is often dehumanized and therefore de-gendered; our physical mannerisms aren't not stereotypically masculine or feminine, but simply inhuman. And sensory issues may influence the way people present themselves, like an autistic woman shaving her hair or an autistic man shaving his beard, or wearing certain clothes that aren't "properly" gendered. I've also seen discussions of kink that talk about how autistics tend to have different ideas of pleasure and pain, which shapes how we engage in sex.

And gender tends to be a highly communal identity- while autistics are often alienated from community. We don't pick up, or fit into, "man" or "woman" culture of allistics, which can often be very exclusionary for anyone who doesn't conform to that mold. (For me, I coped with this in middle school by having a friend group entirely composed of undiagnosed & likely queer NDs, so we didn't have to worry about being weird little freaks around each other. Highly recommend this). This alienation can also effect how we form romantic/sexual relationships, and how we engage with the expectations around what it means to be a "boyfriend" or a "girlfriend."

There's this quote from bell hooks on queerness that I really love: “'Queer' not as being about who you're having sex with (that can be a dimension of it); but 'queer' as being about the self that is at odds with everything around it and that has to invent and create and find a place to speak and to thrive and to live.” Autistic people are frequently at odds with everything around us, and have to create or find new places to speak, thrive, and live. I tend to center queerness on gender and desire (or lack thereof), and being autistic can have an effect on any or all of those categories.

Basically, if you feel like queer is good at expressing your relationship with your gender/sexuality, and/or that queer community/queer theory feels like a safe place to explore and engage with those things then I welcome you here for as long as you want to stay.

*this applies to all ND groups, but we're just focusing on autism in this post

[pub-lius]

Hyper niche question for my autism warrior: What was the perception of aide-de-camps during the AmRev like? I assume it would be viewed as a softer position - though of course, the extent would vary depending who your CO was - but many did see action and a few were reassigned so they could fight

Hey y’all… how y’all doing… i know its been yet another period of many moons since ive posted or answered (i hope this information is still relevant btw), but ive had a lot going on with getting a job, finding colleges, my mommy issues, travel, etc. anyway, im back, and im here to tell you about my main men

It actually was not viewed as a softer position at all! The station of aide-de-camp was highly desirable for several reasons, which i will describe approximately right now

1) people had to compliment you a LOT to get in

Most of the results I got from my research on this ask were letters of recommendation for potential aides-de-camp. Letters of recommendation were high honors for any station, especially for that of a military capacity. According to my favorite source on the American Revolution (which you should know by now), George Washington’s Indispensable Men by Arthur S. Lefkowitz, it was practically impossible to get a job as an aide-de-camp if you did not have a widely positive reputation or a letter of recommendation from someone reputable (or both if you wanted to clerk for the Commander-in-Chief).

I found one letter of recommendation from j*hn ad*ms that i think serves as a very good example of the sort of statements that could land you a seat at a Continental officer’s writing desk:

“There is another Gentleman of liberal Education and real Genius, as well as great Activity, who I find is a Major in the Army; his Name is Jonathan Williams Austin. I mention him, sir, not for the Sake of recommending him to any particular Favour, as to give the General an opportunity of observing a youth of great abilities, and of reclaiming him from certain Follies, which have hitherto, in other Departments of Life obscurd him.”

-John Adams to George Washington, June 19-20, 1775, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania (Founders Online, Washington Papers)

Those are my italics btw. These compliments are carefully chosen to suit the honor culture that was so pervasive throughout the 18th century and first half of the 19th century. A liberal education at the time was very hard to come by, and would be of great importance in a clerical position. Great activity also helps, because you dont want some lazy ass writing to Congress under your name, or god forbid George Washington himself, you might get hung (not really). The mention of youth is also intentional, since young men have always been preyed upon by the military. I think it’s especially noteworthy the final phrase of “reclaiming him from certain Follies”, which indicates that he might have previously had a negative reputation- whether it was warranted or not, im not sure.

2) the pay was fucking fire

For this we’re going to be utilizing my super amazing math scores that im renown for throughout the math community (yall dont know about my math tumblr), and we’re going to be using Alexander Hamilton as our lab rat, as per usual.

Alexander Hamilton joined Washington’s staff in early 1777 where a regular aide-de-camp (not a military secretary) made $33 dollars a month, which averages to about $1.10 a day. Meanwhile, according to the University of Missouri, the highest paid laborer in Massachusetts in the same year made $0.50 a day, which is about $15 a month, others making as little as about $0.22 a day, so around $7 a month. If you’re looking for ratios, by the end of the war, a pound of raisins was around $0.30. So, the highest paid Massachusetts laborer could save up every paycheck from 1777 to 1782 and buy 324 pounds of raisins, and Alexander fucking Hamilton could waltz up next to him and buy 712.8 pounds of raisins and rub it in his sad, poor face. And he wouldn’t even share because he was a congressman by that time and congressmen HATE THE POOR.

Disclaimer: Hamilton’s numbers dont include the time he quit the office bc I didn’t feel like googling how long he was away for and also i dont care. And yeah he probably would share his raisins with the guy, Hamilton was pretty nice, but i dont think he’d buy 712.8 pounds of raisins in Massachusetts anyway. Or maybe he would, I dont fucking know, stop asking me questions

3) it gave you a lot of street cred

There are many instances of aides-de-camps rising to higher status after their service, but i dont give a fuck about those nerds going into politics and law and stuff.

Most people now only know about Washington’s aides (or if you’re really autistic you know Lafayette’s too), but at the time, being an ADC to any general would get you fairly well known in society. General Sullivan’s aides seem to have been pretty well known and admired, as they are frequently mentioned in John Adams’ correspondence with other congressmen, as well as that of Benjamin Franklin with French diplomats all the way across the Atlantic.

But I imagine you’re also wondering (or at least i am) about what the everyday enlisted man thought of the ADCs, and that answer doesn’t really change. Of course, the men sitting out in the rain and mud without food for the past week are going to be envious of the guys who get to sleep in a house, but their quarters weren’t the most comfortable either. Aides-de-camp were probably the most connected out of the disconnected officers, if that makes sense. They weren’t fraternizing with the enlisted, but they were seen by them more frequently than the generals, and they were the ones advocating for the needs of the enlisted men. Even if they didn’t have any battle experience whatsoever (which really was never the case, i cant think of an aide who WOULDNT have seen battle), they would still be respected by the men as hardworkers and the only people who might actually get them food and clothes.

Thank you for the ask! I really enjoyed researching it and my family had a great time joking about me hunched over my ipad reading through the national archives while we all watched jeopardy, misspelling like every other word because its hard to type on an ipad. Im going to try to be more active, so please feel free to send further questions! I forgot how cathartic research is for me so id be very happy to do more. I have one more ask in my inbox i’ll try to get done sometime in the next few days. Love yall!

[nonspeakingkiku]

what kind of AAC do you use, my son is non speaking and is interested in one, but I have no idea where to start

Kiku uses lots of kinds of AAC!

Mostly Kiku's phone and ipad with multiple apps on them (LAMP, Prolquo2go, Proloquo4text, Touchchat, Proloquo, and TD Snap), communication boards with words and symbols on them, communication books, letterboards, picture cards, communication cards, emojis, texting and gestures and noises (think that is everything).

A good place to start is to see if you have or could get a tablet to use for AAC or some other form of robust AAC (robust means the user can say anything they want to with it. Robust AAC has all parts of speech, punctuation, a keyboard, and prestored messages.)

Most robust AAC apps are on apple but there are some on android as well.

PODD books are an example of a robust communication book.

Also keep in mind that many AAC users communicate in many ways (multimodal communication) and whatever you start with likely won't be the only way he communicates. Finding what works for a user takes time.

If your son has any other disabilities those should be taken into consideration (visual impairment, motor skill issues, ect) but also know that kids can often adapt pretty well and things like a smaller grid size or hiding a bunch of buttons should be a last resort if the user shows they need it. (Kiku uses multiple grid sizes).

If there aren't any real concerns about vision or motor skills then it's best to go with the largest grid size the user can see and touch.

AAC apps often go on sale twice a year for AAC awareness month and Autism awareness month).

Some info about some aac apps:

Kiku can only talk about apple based apps because those are what Kiku uses. Some offer trials or another way to access vocabulary to try it.

LAMP Words for life: 1 grid size (84 buttons/ 7 by 12 grid). $300 US Lamp is a heavily motor planning based aac app with a associate based organization method. LAMP was designed with autistic people in mind and can be helpful for those with motor disabilities or motor planning disabilities (apraxia). It has a small amount of high contrast symbols. LAMP is unique because it has only one spot for each word and it alerts you if you accidentally try to add a word again. That is because of the method behind LAMP (language accusition through motor planning). Bilingual options

Proloquo2go: multiple grid sizes, including custom grid sizes. $250 US Proloquo2go is a highly customizable aac app. A highly recommend grid size is 7 by 11. Custom grid sizes have to be organized by the user/person setting up the aac device for the user. Of of the more unique features of Proloquo2go is it has a typing feature. It lets you use the system keyboard to type in a large space. You can have it speak or show it to someone. Bilingual options

Touchchat: multiple grid sizes. $300 for Touchchat with Wordpower, a couple other options available. fairly customizable, multiple premade vocabularies. Options to buy multiple symbol sets. Editing is a bit more involved than with some other apps. Wordpower is the best option if going with Touchchat because they are the most robust vocabulary options. Option of high contrast symbols. Bilingual options.

Proloquo: 1 grid size (roughly 6 by 10). Subscription based, 3 options: $9.99 monthly, $99.99 yearly, or 1 to 5 year licenses. Comes with Proloquo Coach which helps parents learn about aac and how to teach aac. Proloquo has so many words. And a lot of room to add more. Might not be the best option for users with visual or motor impairments, but every user is different. Kiku highly recommends Proloquo because so many preprogramed words, with a good grid size, and access to Proloquo Coach.

TD Snap: multiple grid sizes. Subscription based: $9.99 a month. Multiple premade pagesets of varying sizes. Multiple vocabulary options. (Core first, Motor Plan, Aphasia, PODD ($4.99 a month), and Gateway ($4.99 a month). Large amount of high contrast symbols. TD Snap used to be a $50 one time purchase. But it recently became subscription based.

Proloquo4text: Text based with presaved phrases. Fairly customizable.

Speak for Yourself (S4Y): 1 grid size (120 buttons/8 by 15 grid) $300 US. another heavily motor planning based aac app, this one with no word more than 2 taps away. Words can only be added once, similar to LAMP. Unique features include babble (the ability to toggle between having a certian number of buttons showing or all of them), hold that thought (stores messages so you can say something else and then return to the previous message), and a history feature (shows you things that have been said using the app).

Hope this helps!

[gardenfeather-book-reviews]

"Compound Fracture" by Andrew Joseph White

Generations ago, Saint Abernathy was killed by having a railroad spike nailed through his throat by the Sheriff of Twisted Creek in West Virginia. His great great grandson, Miles Abernathy, is still fighting the bloodline feud left behind. Miles and his family have always lived in fear of the Davies family. Miles has been raised to always look over his shoulder, especially now being a transgender youth in the wake of the 2016 election. 

       After sending a coming out email to his parents, he attends a party with photographic evidence of how cruel the Davies really are. Photos that depict his friend's dead mom being pulled out of a burning car. He just needs permission from his friend to show them to the town. To expose the Davies once and for all.

       Walking home in the dark, he hears a noise. The Davis son and a group of friends ambush him, he ends the night in a hospital bed. After a few months of recovery and an accidental murder, his friend is ready to fight back, but not in the way Miles had planned.

        Yet again, I have fallen in love with an Andrew Joseph White book. Compound fracture is an amazing novel. The main character is complex and I loved listening to the ways he processed the world and his opinions. He gave me perspectives on belonging in your hometown that I had never thought of before. He feels a connection and obligation to where he came from, even if living there means that he lives in fear. 

        The book tells a powerful story about family history. Saint appears to Miles through the book and shows him that his past is not full of strangers, but family and people like him. People he should continue to fight for. Miles' opinions on the politics of the town and the power dynamics are nuanced and deep. Additionally, the diction in this book is incredible. It really sets the scene.

        I loved how connected all of the elements are. Every analogy and reference is connected to the overall “vibe” of the novel. The representation of the queer community, autism, disability, and a whole host of other things is incredible. I would highly recommend checking out Compound Fracture when it comes out on September 3rd.

[nellasbookplanet]

Book recs: Space!! part 1

We all love space, right? I certainly love space, and I'm always on the hunt for a good space book. What you've got here is a pretty wild mix of everything from fun and adventurous space opera to horrific and brutal space horror - hopefully all the space fans can find something to enjoy!

For more details on the books, continue under the readmore. Titles marked with * are my personal favorites. And as always, feel free to share your own recs in the notes!

If you want more book recs, check out my masterpost of rec lists!

The Long Way To a Small, Angry Planet (Wayfarers series) by Becky Chambers

Rosemary Harper just got a job on the motley crew of the Wayfarer, a spaceship that works with tunneling new wormholes through space. With a past she wants to leave behind, Rosemary is happy to travel the far reaches of the universe with the chaotic crew, but when they land the job of a life time, things suddenly get a lot more dangerous. A bit of a tumblr classic in its day, this is a cozy space opera with an episodic feel and vividly realized characters and cultures. While pretty light on romance and focusing found family, there is a main f/f relationship.

Ascension by Jacqueline Koyanagi

Ascension follows Alana Quick, an expert Sky Surgeon who stows away on a spaceship in hopes of landing herself a job. But the ship and its crew are in deeper waters than she expected, facing threats emerging from a whole other universe, all of them searching for the same person: Alana’s spiritually enlightened sister. Undeniably a bit of an odd read, Ascension is also very creative and features polyamorous lesbian relationship.

Illuminae (The Illulminae Files) by Amie Kaufman & Jay Kristoff*

Young adult told through the medium of transcripts, text messages and the like (this is one of few books where I highly recommend reading a physical copy over a digital or audio copy as the visual aspect is much more enjoyable like that). After their colony is attacked, the surviving inhabitants flee on spaceships, attempting to avoid the pursuing killers while also dealing with a deadly maddening plague on board and a ruthless ship AI seemingly losing its mind.

Kea's Flight by Erika Hammerschmidt & John C. Ricker

Young adult. Kea has been in exile since before she was born. In a future where abortion has been forbidden, Earth has found a new way of handling unwanted children: send them off to space to colonize new planets. Kea has lived her entire life on a spaceship, surrounded by other kids rejected for 'flaws' in their genetic makeup, Kea herself being on the autism spectrum. The ship follows a strict authority, but when a new threat appears, Kea and her friends must rise up to ensure they make it to their new home.

The Loneliest Girl in the Universe by Lauren James*

Young adult. Romy is the only survivor on a spaceship headed toward a new planet, her only contact with other people being messages sent to and from Earth which take months to arrive. Then she receives news: another ship has been sent, one which is more advanced than hers and will eventually catch up. Ecstatic about the prospect of meeting other people, Romy begins communicating with J, the sole passenger of the other ship, and finds herself developing feelings for him. But Romy knows nothing about J, and have begun receiving worrisome messages from Earth...

Ancillary Justice (Imperial Radch universe) by Ann Leckie*

A space opera in which sentient spaceships can walk the ground in stolen human bodies, so called ancillaries. One of these ancillaries, the sole survivor after the complete destruction of her ship and crew, is on the hunt for revenge against the leader of the Empire for her crimes. This series does very cool things with gender and culture!

The Stars are Legion by Kameron Hurley

Zan wakes without memory, a passenger aboard one of the living world-ships of Legion, a fleet of decaying generations ships. Told she's the salvation meant to free them from the fleet, Zan is flung head first into a brutal and bloody conflict. This book fucked me up when I read it. It’s weird, it’s gross, there’s So Much Viscera, there are literally no men, it has living spaceships and biotech but in the most horrific way imaginable. Had I to categorize it I would call it grimdark military sf. It’s an experience but not necessarily a pleasant one.

Ninefox Gambit (The Machineries of Empire) by Yoon Ha Lee*

Disgraced Captain Kel Cheris is given a second chance by allying with and becoming the host for undead Commander Shous Jedao, who in life never lost a battle, but also went mad and massacred his own army. Now, Cheris must decide just how far she can trust him, with her forces as well as with her sense of self. Military space opera where belief and culture shape the laws of reality, causing all kinds of atrocities as empires do everything in their power to force as many people as possible to conform to their way of life to strengthen their technology and weapons. It’s also very queer, with major gay, lesbian and trans characters, albeit little to no romance.

An Unkindness of Ghosts by Rivers Solomon

Life on the lower decks of the generation ship HSS Matilda is hard for Aster, an outcast even among outcasts, trying to survive in a system not dissimilar to the old antebellum South. The ship’s leaders have imposed harsh restrictions on their darker skinned people, using them as an oppressed workforce as they travel through space toward their supposed Promised Land. But as Aster finds a link between the death of the ship’s sovereign and the suicide of her own mother, she realizes there may be a way off the ship.

172 Hours on the Moon by Johan Harstad*

Young adult horror. NASA is finally returning to the moon, and to gain the needed funding and attention they hold a world-wide lottery: three teenagers will get to travel to a recently revealed moon base alongside the trained astronauts. For Antoine, Midori, and Mia, this is the chance of a lifetime. But there's a reason NASA stayed away from the moon for so long, and while three teens may be going there, only one will return... This book scared the shit out of me as a teen, recommended for slowburn mix of supernatural and sci-fi horror.

Children of Time (Children of Time series) by Adrian Tchaikovsky*

Millennia and generation spanning sci-fi. After the collapse of the earthen empire, a planet once part of a project to uplift other species to sentience is left to develop on its own, resulting not in the intelligent monkeys once intended but in sentient giant spiders. Millennia later, what remains of humanity arrives looking for a new home, only to be met by the ancient, artificial remains of the woman who once led the uplift project - and she is not willing to let them disturb her spiders, or her planet, no matter how desperate they are.

All Systems Red (The Murderbot Diaries) by Martha Wells*

After having hacked its own governor module, SecUnit uses its small amount of new freedom to secretly download and watch as much media as it can between doing its job guarding humans. But when the scientists it’s been charged with keeping safe come under attack, it must make a choice about whether to continue keeping its freedom secret or risk it all to save them. The series features both novellas and full length novels, and balances humor with scathing critique of capitalism.

Dust (Jacob's Ladder series) by Elizabeth Bear

In a dying spaceship, orbiting an equally dying sun, noblewoman Perceval waits for her own gruesome death. Having been captured by an opposing house, her wings severed and life forfeit, Perceval's execution is imminent - until a young servant charged with her care proves to be Perceval's long lost sister. To stop a war between houses likely to doom them all, the two flee together across a crumbling, dangerous spaceship. And at its core waits Jacob Dust, god and angel, all that remains of what the ship once was. And he wants Perceval.

Binti (Binti trilogy) by Nnedi Okorafor

Young adult novella. Binti is the first of the Himba people to be accepted into the prestigious Oomza University, the finest place of higher learning in all the galaxy. But as she embarks on her interstellar journey, the unthinkable happens: her ship is attacked by the terrifying Meduse, an alien race at war with Oomza University.

A Big Ship at the Edge of the Universe (The Salvagers) by Alex White

In a universe where science and magic work hand in hand, Boots Elsworth makes a living selling fake treasure maps and Nilah Brio is a racer. When one of Boots' maps turns out to be more real than expected and Nilah has to go on the run after having been framed for a murder, the two find themselves on the same spaceship, working with Boots' old captain to find the rumored treasure and reveal the conspiracy it's hiding before the people hunting them catch up. Features a main f/f relationship.

The Vanished Birds by Simon Jimenez

A strange child lands on an isolated planet, scaring its inahbitants into handing him over into the hands of Nia Amani. As captain of a transport ship, Nia is not only the planet's only contact with the outside world, she is also a woman outside of time, years compressing into months as she travels through space at high speed. Now responsible for a child who doesn't speak and in a galaxy that wishes them ill, she must rethink exactly what she wants to do with her life, and what she's prepared to give up. Features multiple major queer characters.

Eacaping Exodus (Escaping Exodus duology) by Nicky Drayden

Seske is the heir to the leader of a clan living inside a gigantic, spacefaring beast, of which they frequently need to catch a new one to reside in as their presence slowly kills the beast from the inside. While I found the ending rushed with regards to plot and character, the worldbuilding is very fresh and the overall plot of survival and class struggle an interesting one. It’s also sapphic!

Dead Silence Here by S.A. Barnes

Horror. As her current mission as team leader for a small repair crew in distant space nears its end, Claire grows desperate to find a way to not have to return to a life on Earth. When the crew picks up a distress signal from Aurora, a luxury cruise ship thought lost decades ago, she sees a chance to make enough money on salvage to buy her own ship. But Aurora is housing horrifying secrets beyond its cold hull, and Claire's own past is coming back to literally haunt her. If she wants to survive, dangerous truths must be revealed.

Activation Degradation by Marina J. Lostetter

Unit Four comes to life in the middle of a war. The mine it was created to care for is under attack, and as Unit Four is activated with the memories of its predecessors, it is thrown into the task of protecting it at any cost. When the battle leads to its capture, it is prepared to do anything to stop its captors, even as their very presence causes it to question all that it knows. Includes multiple major intersex characters.

This Alien Shore by C.S. Friedman

Space opera in which humanity found a way to faster than light travel and began establishing colonies all over the galaxy, only to belatedly realize the method of FTL caused irreversible mutations and disabilities and leaving their nascent colonies to die. Much later, many of the colonies have survived and thrived, and one has found a new method of FTL travel, allowing an interconnected space society to grow. However, Earth is on the hunt for their method and is prepared to do anything to steal it. Trapped in the middle of all this and forced on the run is young Jamisia, who is little by little coming to realize that not only might she be the very solution Earth is after, she’s also not alone in her own mind and body.

Project Hail Mary by Andy Weir*

Ryland Grace just woke up from a coma, unable to remember anything. He finds himself alone on a spaceship, the rest of the crew dead, and as his memories slowly trickle back, he realizes he’s been sent on a mission: to find a solution to the impending doom of the earth. Still struggling with holes in his memories, Ryland tries to fulfill his mission, but as he gets closer to his goal, he discovers someone else got there first. And they aren’t anything close to human. Funny, heartfelt, and heavy on the science.

House of Suns by Alastair Reynolds

Six million years in the future, humanity has spread across the entire Milky Way galaxy. Purslane and Campion are both clones of the same woman, sent into the galaxy millions of years ago to explore along with almost a thousand clones like them. Every 200 000 years they all meet to compare memories and experiences. But this time Purslane and Campion arrive late - and discover that a secret millions of years in the making has led to an extinction level attack against their kind. Now they must find out the truth before their line is completely wiped out. Absolutely wild world-building, featuring various kinds of posthumans (among which the clones are, shockingly, the most similar to people of our time).

Empress of Forever by Max Gladstone

Vivian Liao is a highly successful innovator, but she may have bitten off more than she can chew and fears the government is coming for her. As she goes into hiding, she attempts to pull off one last stunt that could fix everything - but something goes wrong, and suddenly Vivian finds herself waking up in the far future, under attack by an army of robots in space. Hoping to find her way back home, Vivian must assemble a crew of dangerous outlaws and outcasts to help her hunt down the Empress of Forever, the all-powerful entity who pulled her into the future. Lesbian main character.

Finder (Finder Chronicles) by Suzanne Palmer

Fergus Ferguson is a finder, and his latest job has just taken him to a small colony in the farthest corner of inhabited space. There he's searching for a stolen spaceship, what he thinks will be an easy job. But things become complicated as Fergus' arrival inadvertently sets off a civil war, forcing him to ally with the thief's enemies to get out alive with his prize. And beyond it all, the ships of a dangerous and mysterious alien species watches over it all, picking people off when least expected.

Space Opera (Space Opera duology) by Catherynne M. Valente

Eurovision in space! If you lose, humanity is doomed! Good luck! The sentient species of the galaxy have chosen to face each other not in war but in a musical contest, and now humanity is invited to partake. The problem? If we lose, our species as a whole will be exterminated. While I found this book as a whole slightly gimmicky, it’s a fun and flashy experience with some wild and creative alien species.

Blindsight (Firefall duology) by Peter Watts*

Vampires and aliens and questions of the nature of consciousnesses, oh my! A ship is sent to investigate the sudden appearance of an alien vessel at the edge of the solar system, but the crew isn’t prepared for the horrors awaiting them. No, seriously, this book will fuck you up, highly recommend if you’re okay with a lot of techno babble and existential horror.

The Outside (The Outside trilogy) by Ada Hoffman*

AKA the book the put me in an existential crisis. Souls are real, and they are used to feed AI gods in this lovecraftian inspired sci-fi where reality is warped and artificial gods stand against real, unfathomable ones. Autistic scientist Yasira is accused of heresy and, to save her eternal soul, is recruited by cybernetic ‘angels’ to help hunt down her own former mentor, who is threatening to tear reality itself apart. Sapphic main character.

Honorary mentions AKA these didn't really work for me but maybe you guys will like them: Dare Mighty Things by Heather Kaczynski, Chilling Effect by Valerie Valdes, Medusa Uploaded by Emily Devenport, We Are Legion (We Are Bob) by Dennis E. Taylor, The Genesis of Misery by Neon Yang

[copwef]

My adventure with Rise of the TMNT and it's community.

I remember very clearly where I was when I heard about rottmnt for the first time. I was over at my sister's house for a night. Everyone else was asleep and I was still trying to watch TV. When all of a sudden their was an ad for a new TMNT show.

At the time I was a fan of 2012 TMNT, but as a child I was too dumb to keep up with the show on a regular basis. Plus we still use cable so I had no way to binge all the episodes. To this day I haven't watched all the all the episodes of 2012 TMNT.

However when I got home at like 11:00 PM the next day. I saw the the first episode of Rottmnt was on. I watched it and while it seemed kinda childish and goofy at first, I slowly grew to like the show more and more. I watched every episode at least once and watched the season 2 finale when it came out. This was the first show I kept up with like this.

However, as I said, I was a dumb kid. I was oblivious to many things such as Donnie's autism, Mikey's ADHD, How the show had been cancelled unfairly, and many other messages of the show.

However a couple months ago, I got reminded of the show and searched it up. I watched a lot of old clips on YouTube until I saw that I had missed the rottmnt movie. I had no way to watch it or the show, so I resorted to watching the few reaction videos I could find at the time. Then I watched character analysis and saw how much of the show's messages I missed as a kid.

One night while I looking at a rottmnt comic dub compilation, I saw something that seemed cool. A comic series that showed what the future turtle's did before the events of the movie. I quickly made a Tumblr account and searched up this au.

I quickly discovered the creator of this au was @somerandomdudelmao and the comic series in question was called the cass apocalypse series. If you have somehow not read this series I HIGHLY recommend it. The characters act like they do in the show, the art is fantastic, and I consider it the closest thing there is to as "season 3" of Rottmnt at this time.

This discovery led me into the rottmnt fandom. I discovered many other very talented artists and writers. If I tried to list all of the talented people in this community I would be here literally all day. It inspired me too both write my 3 part own series called "Rottmnt Atoning" and my first attempt at drawing Leo.

So consider this a thank you message to everyone in the rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles community. Thank you for helping me rediscover this show after forgetting about it. I have a couple good ideas for Au's and I will try to post them when I can.

Now if only we could get an official rottmnt season 3.... Actually at this rate the community is so talented that if don't get an official season 3 we could just band together and make it ourselves.

[auroras-void]

Can't believe I haven't shared this here sooner, but life pro tip for all y'all tryna flirt with people:

Saying "hello I am flirting with you, you are being flirted with" with is actually unironically an irl cheat code.

I highly recommend you try it, especially for y'all out there flirting with your Tumblr mutuals.

Like it works unreasonably well. Has had a 100% success rate for me personally (Granted this is a single digit sample size composed entirely from people I met here on the Autism and ADHD gay flirting website, (I actually didn't even really get my current gf by doing this, but that's bc we met on a dating app so the expectations are a lot clearer from the getgo I feel like, though the more generalized ideas here do still apply))

Fr tho. Being explicit about your intentions makes the rest wayy easier to do. There are actual studies on this, most people, *including neurotypical people*, are extremely bad at being able to tell when someone is flirting with them. By skipping the guessing games and uncertainty, you get to be on the same page with the person you're talking to right away, you're not confusing each other, you're not wasting each other's time or bothering them, and you immediately get to operate under the assumption that you can now read any future interactions flirtatiously.

Additionally if someone reacts negatively and dislikes that you're communicating honestly and openly, they probably aren't a great person to be in a relationship with! So figuring that out is also a win!

You don't have to be as blunt as my example, (like you can drop a "to be clear I mean that flirtatiously" to the end of your dialogue and that feels relatively seamless, or you can open with a compliment followed by asking if they're willing to be flirted with at the moment, which also gives them the opportunity to turn you down right away, (Which helps even if they don't want to! People like having their consent requested and their boundaries respected!). Obv, also pay attention to social cues and context, be in a space where it is not unusual to be flirted with, don't jump out at people from nowhere, etc. Use your best judgement.

[candyskiez]

i’ve been seeing mp100 alllll over my dash, what’s it about?

SLAMS DOWN BOOKS DOWN. HELLO HELLO YOU HAVE ASKED THE RIGHT FUCKING PERSON.

Mob Psycho 100 is a show about a kid nicknamed Mob, who has psychic powers and works for a fraud named Reigen who pretends to have psychic powers. They're exorcists and close friends, and he mentors him. It's also a show that has made me cry so many fucking times because it's about a kid who hates himself who gets mentored/adopted by a guy who hates himself and they try to navigate life together. All the characters are just ...people. It's a show that heavily hinges around platonic relationships and community and what people owe to each other and it's also just a really kind show. It's so loving to its characters and it feels like you just were randomly given a guy to experience the story with, not like Mob is the Main Character. He's just a guy! Even when he does incredible things he feels like just a guy. Just one with powers. I don't know how to say much about the plot without spoiling it but the plot of the show basically revolves around Mob being autistic. Like he is not just assigned autism by fandom because he's socially awkward it's just straight up The Plot. If you got rid of Mob being autistic it wouldn't be mp100.

It has its flaws but it's really REALLY good and I highly recommend it. It lets all its characters be absolutely awful sometimes in very human ways and shows some very ugly and human sides to mental illness while never feeling demonizing! It just feels like you're watching people make awful decisions. The characters feel so real because they just straight up suck sometimes. It's just a really good show. The manga is also really good from what I've heard and sometimes better. I need to fully read it.

Anyways I love mp100. Screams.

[aria-ashryver]

Positivity Chain!

Please recommend 3 favorite fanfics by other creators and 1 of your own.

Then tag 5 other creators to do the same.

This is the sweetest ask, thank you anon! 🌷

Choices Fandom

Incident in the Ghostland (AO3 | Explicit) by @dreamscapingsblog

sorry for the notif my sweetest bestest friend, I know tumblr isn't your vibe but I can't have the opportunity to rec your works put in front of me and not JUMP at the chance to put Ghostland out there first and foremost!! Your prose is poetry, your angst makes my teeth hurt, and I will forever be in awe of how you capture such beautifully emotional motifs in the most unique and expressive ways. I'd put this whole fic in an art gallery if I could. Love you, love you, love your writing 💖💖💖

Let Me Be Your Valentine, Saint Valentine (AO3 | Teen) by @aallotarenunelma

Another beloved ID writer, but a MAH fic this time! I was tossing up between this and Indigo Blood because I adored the bond between Skylar and Saini (see how I'm cheating by linking both? 😈💞), but they way you told Donovan and Edelmina's story just brought me so much peace. I always loved their bond in canon over their shared grief, and seeing in here as this deeply vulnerable and trusting relationship just made my heart so happy (and it was really cool to read about Edelmina's aspecness)

The 2AM Christmas Tree Farm by @thosehallowedhalls

Listen I'm a fool for only having just caught up on CoP, because I have been missing out on all this goodness, and I just know I'm going to have so much fun making my way through the rest of your works, but holy hell what an introduction to your Emma and Trystan this was!! You can perhaps tell, from the absolute chaos that was my comment, that I rather enjoyed this one!! And with the way you write? I know I'm going to find some more gems to adore in your masterlist 😊

Non-Choices Fandom

For a Good Time, Call (AO3 | Explicit) by ScarlettStorm

I gotta take a second to rec this, because it might be hands down my favourite fic of all time. The authorial voice is just ✨DIVINE✨, and it is just so deeply moving, I have no words. Its just so... healthy? Portrayal of sex and consent and sex work? Amazing. Attitudes towards trust and communication? Wonderful. Exploration of mental health, PTSD, panic attacks, ASD, inward growth as well as fostering something beautiful between the two romantic leads? Fan-freaking-tastic. Plus it also features lines such as

He wonders if Wei Ying would keep talking, even while being kissed. He thinks he probably would.

Its absolute ADHD meets Autism solidarity, and I cannot recommend it highly enough. (Plus, the smut is seriously god-tier.)

Oh, yeah! I was mean to rec one of my own!

Uhhh... Snow in Crimson, Starlight in Gold (AO3 | Explicit) is very much my baby, and every time someone tells me they liked it and/or my charactersation of Cas, Gabe, and Luca, I go ugly cry for ten years

But also! If you want something about a million times shorter, Whatever You Say, President Adalhard (AO3 | Explicit) is a wlw!Gas fic which is pretty cute. (and I'm trying so hard to finish chapter 2, I swear)

[adhd-worlds]

hello! i just wanted to thank you for that post about how adhd and autism diagnosis criteria dont overlap - it's been on my mind since yesterday and uhh. im Realizing Things. 😅 the thought has been at the back of my mind for a while now due to my communication issues but i dismissed it with 'i got a little autism sprinkled into my adhd thats normal tho, they *are* on the same spectrum after all" but uhh. yeah. i think its gonna be more than that 😬 anyway, im gonna reevaluate my life further ig, thank you again and have a lovely day 💞💞

Hello! I'm glad to be of help! There's a few people in my comments saying that there is an overlap but there isn't! Depending on the study, around 50% of people with ADHD also have autism. Sometimes the %age is a little higher or a little lower.

Over stimulation isn't technically an ADHD symptom. Neither is struggling with eye contact, special interests, struggles with social cues, needing things to be done a certain way. Highly recommend this quiz, the RAADS-R test which is a professional diagnostic test that may be able to help you get some ideas in order. I strongly suggest doing this with a friend because evaluating yourself is hard and others will be more aware of how you come across.

[authorkarajorgensen]

Hi! I am a big fan of the Reanimator series and waa delighted to find your tumblr. Recently some light-hearted joking with friends turned into a more serious revelation that I do actually share a lot of autistic traits with them and now I'm on a journey to learn more about autism and myself. I just combed through your blog posts tagged with autism/neurodivergence and welp, I find a lot of it relatable. (Coincidentally, I am also exploring my gender and distancing myself from ~womanhood~ and found your post on gender to be extremely relatable in many ways!)

Reading TRH through Oliver's eyes was really interesting and I do remember having a bunch of "I do that" moments. At the time I think I brushed it off by being like "well there's a lot of overlap between signs of autism and anxiety" (the latter of which I definitely do have) but I'm going to do a reread with a new openness to the possibility that me relating to Oliver could be more than just "I like him as a character" 😅

Do you have any recommendations for more books with an autistic protagonist? And no worries if you don't have the energy to answer that. Recs or no, I also wanted to express my appreciation for your books and for using your blog to share your experiences. It has all helped me understand myself better and feel a little bit less afraid of exploring an otherwise unknown and overwhelming topic for me. So thank you!

;----; I'm so glad you saw yourself in Oliver. I hope your journey of discovery in terms of gender and neurodivergence is a good one that brings you lots of community and comfort!

First off, you might want to check out this database of autistic books by autistic authors. There are A LOT there and ones I will definitely miss.

I'd also highly recommend DN Bryn's books for autistic queer rep along with Roan Parrish, Talia Hibbert (especially the Brown Sisters books), Cat Sebastian (especially The Lawrence Brown Affair and We Could Be So Good), Chuck Tingle (I know some of Chuck's more recent trad pub books have explicitly ND main characters and the author is autistic as well), and Jackie Lau (especially The Reluctant Heartthrob).

Most of these authors, if not all, are some flavor of neurodivergent and many of their characters are ND/autistic-coded even if it isn't explicitly stated in the text.

[luigis-favorite-cookies]

Autism and Tickles

After seeing this poll (which I highly recommend you look at before it finishes), I was a little surprised how many autists are in the tickle community. I'm not autistic myself (or at least I would never suspect so,) and so I had mostly just assumed tickling was something y'all probably wouldn't like due to sensory issues and overstimulation, and those kinda things.

Honestly I was quite surprised to see how much the autistic community is represented among other neurodivergents. (At the time of making this post, the poll is 43.8% autistic, or about 153 people.) I'm happy to see my previous assumption was proven quite wrong, and that the autistic and tickle communities do have a decent enough overlap.

I say this, not just to promote the poll, but because I had always loved the Autism creature. Always thought he was such a silly little guy, and wanted to see tickle art be made of him.

I had initially hesitated, as I feared it might be a little insensitive to portray the little autism spokes-creature in a situation that most autists wouldn't actually appreciate. Having seen the trends in that poll however, I now know there is enough of an audience that might appreciate this...

It's not the best art, but it came out better than I expected (their legs were so hard to get right).

Anyways hope you all enjoy, and hope you autists can have all the loving tickles you could ever want.

[redgoldsparks]

May Reading and Reviews by Maia Kobabe

I post my reviews throughout the month on Storygraph and Goodreads, and do roundups here and on patreon.

Boys Run The Riot vol 2 by Keito Gaku

I really wanted to like this series, but unfortunately, I don't. The pacing feels rushed, the characters aren't very realistic and burst out into outsized emotional reactions that don't feel earned, and at the end of this volume the trans character is outed against his will on a youtube channel with a million followers. I'm going to have to give up on this story. 

Unmasking Autism by Devon Price

This book is short, accessible and very informative! Price is trans and autistic, and was only diagnosed later in life. He blends narrative of his own lived experience with many interviews and thorough research. This book encourages compassion, self-knowledge, community building, and unmasking- the process of shedding the habits many autistic people employ to hide or mask their autistic traits. As a queer person pondering my own potential place on the autism spectrum, this book was an excellent introduction and gave me a lot of food for thought!

Thick as Thieves by Megan Whelan Turner read by Steve West

These books continue to delight! This deep into the series, I don't want to summarize the plot, as one of the pleasures of this series is how each book has built on the previous ones. The volatile political machinations between the the three peninsula countries of Eddis, Attolia, Sounis and the Mede Empire grow increasingly complex. Eugenides continues to make moves that appear petty and childish, whose deeper purpose is only revealed much later. I continue to be amazed at the character arcs, both of new characters and returning favorites. Read these books! I can't recommend them highly enough!

White Cat, Black Dog by Kelly Link

Another magical short story collection from Kelly Link! These stories are more directly inspired by existing fairy tales than Link's other work, but each one has been moved into the modern day, and generally changed so much as to be only loosely recognizable. A Game of Smash and Recovery, inspired by Hansel and Gretel, does feature a brother and sister; but they have been stranded on a foreign moon by their space-traveling parents, and live by scavenging supplies from vast warehouses left behind by previous inhabitants, while evading the vampires which flutter around the edges of their downed spacecraft. As the younger sister gets older, she comes closer and closer to a realization that neither she nor her brother nor their parents are who she thinks they are. The Lady and the Fox, based on Tamlin, does involve a young woman clutching her beloved to her chest through a series of painful magical transformations, but the woman is a charity case goddaughter of a rich actress who's family hosts ridiculously elaborate Christmas parties in their family mansion. Skinder's Veil, loosely Snow-White and Rose Red, does contain two nearly identical sisters, but the main character is a grad student struggling to finish his thesis who takes on a house-sitting job in a cabin in Vermont that might be visited by immortals. And so on and so on, Link weaves her threads. This one didn't unseat Get in Trouble as my favorite Link collection, but I enjoyed it very much. 

Return of The Thief by Megan Whelan Turner read by Steve West

Once again, Turner introduces a new POV character, and once again she knocks a complicated, emotional, satisfying tale of historical fantasy out of the park! I can't get over the fact that this six book series book the author over 20 years to write, and yet is so internally consistent, it feels as if she knew from the very beginning exactly how to she wanted everything to go. This series is technically YA, but the majority of the characters are adults; it was started in the era before YA existed as the genre we know it now. If you are a fan of any Tamora Pierce books, or Steven Brust's Jhereg series, or Katherine Addison's The Goblin Emperor, I think you'd like these too. 

Different for Boys by Patrick Ness illustrated by Tea Bendix

This illustrated book tells an impressively nuanced story in a very short space. The narrator, Ant, ponders the meaning of virginity as a high school boy questioning his own sexuality. Ant and his best friend from childhood, Charlie, regularly mess around with each other, performing sexual acts which are blacked out in the text. The characters themselves are aware of this textual censorship and comment on it, adding a level of meta to this already nonlinear and nontraditional narrative. Charlie is sweet in private but vocally homophobic in school, hurling insults at another mutual friend, Jack, who isn't publicly out but is read as queer by his peers. Ant struggles with how much, or when, to step in and defend Jack without outing his and Charlie's secret relationship. The story has an open but hopeful ending, and its questions and unresolved aspects feel deeply true. 

Several People Are Typing by Calvin Kasulke

Told entirely in slack messages, this nontraditional novel unfolds the minor and major dramas of a public relations firm with a speculative twist. The main character, Gerald, has accidentally uploaded his consciousness into the slack app and is unsure what is happening to the body he left behind. The slackbot is becoming increasingly sentient as he sends it help query after help query. His co-workers think this is an elaborate ruse to take advantage of their company's lax work from home policies during a particularly snowy New York winter. Meanwhile, his coworker Lydia is being haunted by spectral howling, Tripp is regularly the only man in the on-site office and keeps leaving the heating on overnight, Deepu is feeling left out of office in jokes and Doug, their boss, is convinced that someone is sabotaging his office furniture. This story is snappy, queer, and never gets bogged down by what could have been a gimmicky premise. It took me one Saturday afternoon to read! 

The Thief by Megan Whelan Turner read by Steve West

After finishing this whole 6 book series I went back to re-read book one and it is DELICIOUS to catch all of the hints and foreshadowing once you know how the story ends. Here’s the review I wrote after my first read in 2018:

This book was DELIGHTFUL. Set in a fantasy Mediterranean Renaissance world, the prose is simple and the initial plot set up is uncomplicated. Gen is a master level thief who made a mistake and ended up in the King's prison in Sounis. After months of imprisonment he is summoned by the Magnus, the King's most trusted adviser, who threatens Gen into joining a covert mission. A small party (the magus, the thief, one soldier and two of the magus' students) will sneak into the neighboring country of Attolia, in search of a powerful and ancient artifact. But every member of the party is intentionally or unintentionally carrying secrets, and in the end few of them are who they appear to be. I already feel like I've said too much. Go and read this book to find out the rest!

Hungry Ghost by Victoria Ying

I'm refraining from giving this book a star rating because I feel genuinely unqualified to rate its effectiveness. This story deals with two very heavy topics- a character struggling with an eating disorder and grief after the death of a parent- which I have no experience with. The book portrays the main character binging and purging, which could potentially be very triggering for some readers in ED recovery, but could also be extremely cathartic to those who haven't seen their experiences reflected before. That's really going to depend on the reader. What I can say is that the art is very beautiful, I enjoyed the limited color palette, and I hope this book finds the readers who need it.

Freestyle by Gale Galligan

Eighth grader Cory is part of a tight friend group of dancers who practice every weekend. It's their last year of middle school and they want to make the most of this year- and hopefully win the annual winter Bronx Dance Battle! Unfortunately, Cory's parents aren't thrilled with his grades, and they hire a tutor three afternoons a week after school, cutting into his free time with his friend crew. Worse yet, his tutor turns out to be the best student in his grade, a girl named Sunna who he immediately clashes with. But then Cory realizes that Sunna also as a secret talent: she can throw a yo-yo like no one he's ever seen. The art in this book is fantastic, colorful and energetic, with beautiful panels capturing the movement of dance, running, yo-yo tricks, and physical humor. I had to set aside a little bit of disbelief that any eighth graders might be this motivated and organized; I've also seen a couple minor critics of the way Sunna, a hijab wearing Muslim character, was portrayed as attending a school dance and spending time tutoring Cory in his bedroom with the door closed. However, the overall tone of this book is so joyful, positive, warmhearted, and well-intentioned that I'd still absolutely recommend it. 

Deaf Republic by Ilya Kaminsky

I am not a very active reader of poetry, but this collection contains one of the poems I think about possibly more than any other: "We Lived Happily during the War." I first read it in the New Yorker magazine sometime before 2017, though I don't remember exactly when. I saw the poem circulating the internet again when Russian began to invade Ukraine. Kaminsky was born in the former Soviet Union, and the majority of the poems in this collection unfold a story of an Eastern European town occupied by enemy soldiers. Reoccurring characters tell of the violence and tragedy of this occupation: a newly married couple expecting a child, the owner of a puppetry theater, a young deaf child killed by soldiers, neighbors who defend and betray each other. Read it almost like a poetic play in two acts, relevant to our times. 

[system-of-a-feather]

Regarding ESDM

If there is anything I have to take about my first two weeks working in a clinic that does ESDM and has a strong and loud focus on trauma-informed care and strong and firm rules against basically any form of punishment, it's that I am honestly really impressed and honestly amazed at how genuinely comfortable, enthusiastic, and okay all the kids I've seen across two different clinic locations are to interacting with new people.

Like, coming from the perspective as someone who knows a lot about trauma, developmental psychology, developmental trauma, attachment theory, and just general autism, I think more than ANYTHING else, that that singular sign gives me a lot of security that this is something that is actually being helpful and having a good impact on the kids.

I don't really have the energy to go into it, but its such a clear sign of understanding that adults are supposed to be there to support, care, respond to needs, and create a positive and fun environment for children and with how LITTLE stress almost every kid I've seen goes through when they meet a new technician or an observer is just...

I don't even see this in neurotypical school settings and I'm honestly really just... surprised to see this not only in a setting where every kid has autism and where most kids with autism are adverse to some level change and transitions and new stimuli.

Like I've been a completely new face to the clinic, but introduced by familiar faces as a new friend. And I just?? Really think its really nice to see a bunch of kids readily trusting the world to be their friend if someone they know and trust says that they are a friend.

My traumatized ass has a small part in my brain that goes "no but if they trust people so easily, they are being set up to be abused and [redacted trauma]" but honestly... 1) the practicality of that thinking is not good as it would imply that we SHOULD make them distrust the world and think of the world as hostile for their safety which I disagree with and 2) distrusting the world really didn't save me any abuse and very directly put me at higher risk for it; so as much as a little part of my brain whispers that its dangerous for a kid to feel safe in the world, overall I'm just... so in awe.

It's also really kind of amazing how readily we see staff just teaching co-regulation and comforting the kiddos and meeting them where they're at and honoring even the most unclear attempts at communication???

Like... honestly? I'm feeling very good about working here albeit my general burn out that lowkey got MURDERED by one really cute client that reminds me way too much of me as a kid that I get to close my work day with like three times a week.

I still don't know how much of this is the model and how much of this is the clinic so I can't generalize and say that ESDM is never a problem, but I'd honestly enthusiastically send my younger self here, if I had them - I'd send my kids here, and I'd recommend this clinic at the very least to any of my peers.

I don't think I can publicly name the clinic I work at both for anonymity sake and also because I'm not sure if its allowed but.... man. I really haven't ever seen so many kids having responsive care and showing that they spend a lot of time in a highly responsive "daycare" center that explicitly helps teach emotional regulation and care with an assumed trauma background.