#himself because he was never taught better ways because his dad is a piece of shit and he hates him

[hearts401]

slamming my fists on the ground I WANT BAD BROTHER MICHAEL

[endlessnightlock]

If you feel inspired, #10 “I’ve seen the way you look at me when you think I don’t notice.” from the random prompt list <3

Her dad's guitar takes up a fair amount of space in Katniss's lap, boxy but lightweight, with room to hide behind when her nerves get the better of her. Slightly battered and smooth from use, the balsawood is cool to the touch when she picks its strings and makes it sing. But she's getting antsy, so she puts her guitar in its case and wanders over to the corner of the stage. She's careful to stay hidden behind the heavy velvet curtain. Ms. Trinkett will give her the devil if she catches her peeking out.

People are trickling into the high school auditorium: classmates, a few teachers, and a smattering of parents. She sees Gale and the rest of her cousins file into a row near the stage with Hazelle. Prim and her parents have been here for a while. Katniss hopes the auditorium won't be too full when Principal Flickerman starts the show. She's not a confident performer. Singing and playing are more of a compulsion for her, a hunger she has to feed rather than a bid for attention.

When the clock ticks down to zero (performance time! Ms. Trinkett brightly states), she's waiting for her turn to go on stage with the guitar strapped to her chest.

Madge starts the show with a classical piece. The school's piano is out of tune, but her best friend makes it work. Katniss can't keep the smile off her face. Madge is the shyest person she knows, and she's proud of her friend for getting over that fear to play tonight.

"Wow. Did you know she could play like that?" Peeta Mellark asks. Somehow he'd wandered away from the group he was standing with and up to her side.

Katniss gives a sharp nod, surprised he said anything at all. Not that he doesn't talk. He's popular, friendly, and always hanging out with one group or another. He just never talks to her.

"I mean, of course you do," he laughs at himself. "Is that why you're such good friends? Shared talent?"

She shrugs. "Maybe." She's never considered that before, but he might be on to something.

"Nothing like twenty questions before we go onstage. I'm just a little nervous. Talk too much when that happens."

"No, it's okay," she says. A strain of nervousness makes her insides tight, too. She decides she likes talking to Peeta. He says what he's thinking, but in a more thought-out way than she can pull off. Words stumble across her lips, leaving her embarrassed more often than not. "You can talk. It's not too much."

Peeta grins at her.

"Um, what are you doing?" she asks. "Not like, life in general. For the show."

"Comedy. Going to try getting laughs out of my dumb jokes."

"Oh. I didn't know you did that."

"Me neither, until two weeks ago when they posted the sign-up sheet. I had to find a way to get into the show."

"I was dragged here kicking and screaming. That's brave of you to try something new."

"Or stupid. We'll see." Peeta says. "I know you have a beautiful singing voice, but I didn't know you played."

"My dad taught me. This is his, actually." She pats the fretboard, keeping her eyes on the strings, feeling shy at the compliment. "I didn't know you'd heard me sing."

"I think it was your first public appearance. Kindergarten. Mrs. Paylor asked if anyone knew The Valley Song. Your hand shot up, and when you stood on your chair and sang, my fragile 5-year-old heart was lost," he says.

"That didn't happen," she says.

"Swear to god. You had on a red checkered dress, and your hair was in two long braids. I like your hair tonight, too. It's really pretty."

"Thank you," she murmurs. Katniss pats the braided, pinned updo her mother did for her. She likes the old-fashioned style because it feels in keeping with her mountain heritage.

Vague memories of that red and white dress invade her mind. She does her hair in a single braid most days because it's long and gets everywhere if she doesn't, and she did wear it in two as a child.

"You have an incredible memory."

Peeta shrugs, smiling down at the tips of his shoes.

"Peeta, you're next dear," Ms. Tinkett says, bringing Katniss back to herself. Madge's song was over three students ago in the rotation, and she hadn't even noticed.

"Wish me luck?" Peeta asks her quietly.

"Good luck," she says, kind of dumbfounded by their conversation. She'd caught Peeta looking her way when he thought she didn't notice but never considered what that meant.

She couldn't hear most of Peeta's stand-up routine, but she caught amused laughter from the audience. When it was her turn to go onstage and stand in the spotlight, their conversation was still in the forefront of her mind, and she found her fingers moving over the strings, playing The Valley Song and remembering the little curly blond headed boy from kindergarten.

[steddieasitgoes]

Steve’s maternal grandfather was a classically trained pianist. He traveled all over the world as a concert pianist before retiring around the time Steve was born. He takes a job as a church pianist and buys Steve a baby grand piano so he can teach his only grandson how to play. Steve learns how to play piano and read music before he learns how to read books.

His grandfather dies when Steve is 9, and his mom gets upset whenever she hears Steve playing, because it reminds her of her dad, who chose the piano over her most of her life. So, Steve stops playing, not wanting to upset his mom. She tried to sell the piano, but no one in Hawkins is interested, so it stays covered with a bedsheet and locked away in the former music room.

Steve picks it up again when his parents start fighting and his mom starts going on business trips with his dad. He finds himself spending long nights at the penchant, fingers dancing across the ivory keys. He’s rusty at first, but playing the piano is a lot like riding a bike — you never really forget.

He keeps his talent a secret, though. Keeps the piano locked away in the old music room when Robin and the Party is over and doesn't let them down that hallway. Likes that he has something for himself, though he does have moments where he wishes he could share his talent with his found family.

Eddie’s the first person he tells.

They’re hanging out together in Steve’s living room. Eddie’s got his acoustic slung across his lap. Fingers moving up and down the frets. His brows are furrowed, and his lip is tugged between his teeth. He’s been stuck on the same melody for days now and Steve offered up his place, hoping a change in scenary would rid him of his music block.

It hasn’t.

“Jesus H. Christ” Eddie swears, gently moving the acoustic to the side. He throws the rest of his body down on the rug.

“You’re being too hard on yourself, Ed’s. It sounds great.”

“You’re just saying that cause it’s not loud and obnoxious.”

“It is different than your usual sound,” Steve hums, gently guiding himself from the couch down to the floor next to Eddie.

“Jeff wrote a love song for this girl he’s seeing. But he's always sucked at the music part, so I said I’d give it a shot.” Eddie says, raising his arms in the air in front of his face. He starts to fiddle with the large skull ring on his finger. “I think the melody would sound better on a piano but none of us can play so, my acoustic will have to do.”

Steve's not sure why he does what he does next. Maybe it's because Eddie is right, and the song would sound better with a piano, or maybe it's because he'd move the moon and starts to make Eddie Munson smile. Whatever the case, Steve stands. Offers Eddie a hand and hoists him with him.

He starts walking down the hallway towards the room no one even knows exists. Eddie hot on his heels.

"Don't tell me you've been hiding a secret sex dungeon," Eddie teases as Steve raises to his tiptoes to grab the key hidden on the top of the door frame.

"If I had a secret sex dungeon, don't you think I'd have shown it to you by now?" Steve asks, hip-checking Eddie out of the way so he can get to the door knob.

"Fair point," Eddie says.

Steve can tell he's about to say something else, when the door clicks open. The baby grand is still covered with a white bedsheet, but it's easy to make it out. Especially for a music expert like Eddie.

"Holy shit," Eddie says, slowly moving closer to the center of the room as if he's going to startle the piano. "Is that what I think it is?"

Steve nods and begins rolling up the bedsheet exposing the beautiful black, shiny baby grand piano. He tosses the sheet aside and takes a seat at the bench. Carefully lifts the keyboard cover and pats the bench next to him. Eddie joins instantly.

"You can play?" Eddie asks as Steve's fingers start moving across the keys. He starts with something simple, the melody to "Twinkle Twinkle," before moving on to one of the formal pieces his granddad taught him. Eddie sits motionless, eyes darting between Steve's profile and his fingers dancing across the keys. When Steve stops, Eddie lets out a gasping breath. Playfully bumps his shoulder with Steve's. "You son of a bitch! You have been holding out on me!"

"Maybe a little," Steve chuckles. "But not about having a sex dungeon."

"You sure about that?" Eddie says, moving in closer. He rests his head on Steve's shoulder and angles his face so his lips are right next to Steve's ear. "I hear sex on a piano is pretty amazing."

Steve blushes, feels the butterflies fluttering in his gut. He laughs, shrugging Eddie off his shoulder. Playful. Bashful. "Come on, we've got a song to write."

Eddie looks at Steve, even more bewildered than before. This time Steve meets his gaze, takes in Eddie's woofish smile that he's trying to hide behind a strand of hair and his blown pupils.

"You really are my wildest dreams come true," Eddie moans, stealing a kiss. It's a quick but passionate. A reminder that they're not done yet. "Alright, let's get this song done so we can really break this piano in after."

[potofsoup]

So.... I kind of accidentally fell into a Batfam fic hole for the past 3+ months and ... ::checks:: read >1000 fics??? Ooops?

Anyway, a fic rec list below the cut -- don't think anything is particularly surprising for anyone who is actually in the batfam fandom, since I stuck to the greatest hits, but in case you're like "Soup, how did you fall into a hole this deep for this long", under the cut are ~20 fics, organized by length. Mostly Tim-centric hurt/comfort because I'm basic like that. ¯_(ツ)_/¯

- Hot Cat on a Tin Roof by Arsenic (4k) This one is super cute -- basically Tim is an omega who has been hiding his heats because his parents were shit and never taught him otherwise, but then Jason finds out and of course mother-hens aggressively.

- phantom pain by envysparkler (5k) A great entry in the category of "Jason finds out that Tim's home life is miserable" -- in this case, he finds out that Tim's dad beats him through an accidental pain transference spell. Tim's dad gets his comeuppance.

- transaction by envysparkler (7k) The one where kid!Tim is touch-starved and goes to pay prostitute!Jason for hugs.

- The Second Stage by nightwalker (8k) Short and full of feels: basically Tim is touch-starved and determined not to bleed on anyone. Unfortunately his family finds out and he gets lots of cuddles.

- Brother Wanted by Vamillepudding (11k) Hilarious one where Tim puts out an ad for a brother and Jason accidentally answers. I love the little!Tim characterization here.

- 1-800-ROBIN by spqr (12k) A great entry in the "Jason Todd finds out and forcibly adopts Tim into the Batfam" category, all told through a series of phone calls. Great Jason Todd voice.

- Our Bodies & Other Fine Machines by SilverSkiesAtMidnight (13k) Tim's parents remain horrible! In this one, they make Tim food-insecure by cutting his food-buying budget and Tim, of course, tries to solve the problem himself. Eventually people figure it out and Tim ends up in a much better place.

- Tell Me I Am by potofrogs (15k) Basically trans!Tim gets kidnapped by Ras and made his "queen", saves himself and comes back to Gotham, and ... manages to recover, confront the Bats and stake out his own life in a generally healthy manner?!! I like that in this one, he doesn't immediately fall back into the Batfam gravity well and instead figures out what he actually wants.

- A Meditation on Railroading by eggmacguffin (25k) Wow this is an amazing fic about gaslighting. It's about Tim being abandoned in Atlanta by his shitty dad and deciding to train-hop his way home. I feel like I understand gaslighting better now.

- The Lone Ranger Never Had to Deal with Bruce Wayne by theskeptileptic (25k) This is a fic where Tim plans to fake his own death and run away to Canada to start a new life. Features hilarious little!Tim logic -- I love how his plans are both very smart but also very stupid at the same time, because he's 11.

- Missed Calls by nightwalker (26k) 5 times that Tim's dad didn't pick up the phone and one time he did. A particularly good rendition of the "Tim's parents are neglectful" trope. A good 5+1 really explores the range of the premise, and this fic delivers.

- His Head is Bloody, but Unbowed by gunpowder_and_pearls (26k) A great Jason POV fic! I love the way this fic captures what Jason's life would be like if he didn't end up getting adopted by Bruce -- the precariousness of trying to hold down two jobs as a 16-year-old and also dealing with a not-healthy home life. (It's okay, he befriends Nightwing and Robin)

- exception by cassiopeia721 (27k) A good character piece where Tim is taught that he's the "exception" -- exceptionally bright and mature, and therefore "kid" rules don't apply to him. Which doesn't do well for his emotional development, of course, as he deals with family neglect and also getting beaten up by Jason Todd.

- a Robin by any other name by redrobin1989 (33k) I love me some identity porn, and in this one, Tim still becomes Robin but refuses to tell Batman who he is. It really does some fun stuff with the "Batman and Tim!Robin is just a professional relationship" premise. (They figure it out in the end)

- Red Letter Day by silverwhittlingknife (41k, 9/? chapters) This is a wip, but deffo worth reading! Basically Dick is trying to be single-parent to Damian and barely keeping all the balls in the air. There's a mysterious calendar date that's marked as super important but he can't remember what it is. He thinks it's for Damian (but it's pretty clear by chapter 2 that it's for Tim). It's got an interesting Dick & Tim dynamic in that they hang out and obviously care about each other, but also there's too many things left unsaid (but Dick is really trying his best!)

- Banshee In A Well by liverobinreaction (bugbee) (43k) In this one, Tim keeps dying and coming back to life. It doesn't leave any emotional trauma around self-worth at all, no sirree. Nor does it feed into Tim's self-sacrifice tendencies at all, either, of course not.

- Dead Boys Don't Scream by Year_of_Summer (49k, 15/26 chapters) Wow I love this fic. Tim feeling neglected by Batfam? check. Tim running off and trying to solve problems himself with an overly-convoluted plan and zero survival instinct? check. Tim making friends despite himself? check. Super cool siren/merpeople mythology? check. All the angst upon Tim's return? check. This fic hasn't hit the comfort part of hurt/comfort, but it's expertly written and I definitely trust the author to deliver! Definitely worth a subscribe.

- The Return by lurkinglurkerwholurks (52k) So lots of fics have this arc of "Tim feels shut out from the Batfam and eventually does something so drastic that the Batfam is forced confront their issues." Which I love! But sometimes I want the Batfam to notice earlier, for them to try to fix things but it's hard and rocky because they're different people with different traumas and hangups. This fic delivers beautifully.

- buy back the secrets by sundiscus (71k, 5/6 chapters) I love the characterizations in this one, particularly Kon! It's a super cute Tim/Kon fic where Kon doesn't know that Tim is Red Robin. Great plotting, too! It only has 1 more chapter to go, so you know things are going to be resolved and okay :)

- Northern Attitude (I Was Raised on Little Light) by theskeptileptic (79k, 16/18 chapters) I absolutely love this writer. Tim is, of course, miserable in this fic (because he wants to be part of the Batfam but his parents basically blackmailed Tim into staying with them and continuing all the child abuse), but everything eventually works out! Tim is a great self-rescuing princess, and my heart of hearts goes out to the AMAZING Jason POV in chapter 20 (which works as a standalone, though it slightly spoils a bit of the plot), where you really FEEL how much Jason loves literature and uses that to guide his life.

[and two bonus super long ones:]

- Liminal Space by Calamityjim (77k) Oh man this fic series has such great comics-style plot! There's inter-dimensional travel, time travel, an utterly manic!Tim who comes up with the best/worst plans. I also ~love~ the YJ!Bart from a dystopian future who uses "crash" and "mode". Oh, and Tim is deeply flawed (and should not be allowed to do dimensional travel), but he still finds a loving, supportive family. (Warning: if you do go further in this fic series, the last fic of the series, "Collapse", is aggressively NOT kind to Clark Kent.)

- Finding the Line by Miss_Lazy_Tuesday (130k) In this one, Dick actually catches Damian trying to kill Tim, and as a result, actually gets Damian and Tim to reconcile before Tim runs off. Then the Batkids basically work together to bring Bruce back, find a magical macguffin, defeat the League of Assassins, and stop a complete re-write of reality. Great characterization and a fun comic plot.

[youknowwhoiamassbutt]

A few Uta family headcanons

#1 Growing up, Roger taught Shanks to sing to regulate his emotions. Physical activity never worked for him, only riling him up more or making him cry. Talking about his feelings got overwhelming for the crew, because Shanks could talk for hours, going around in circles, saying the exact same thing five times in different ways. And alcohol was a terrible solution, even if the most common for pirates. So Roger encouraged Shanks to sing any time he felt overwhelming emotions. Shanks was never an amazing singer, but he could keep a tune and he enjoyed it. It became well-known amongst his crews that if a tune could be heard, it was most likely Shanks humming.

This was something Shanks passed on to Uta. Uta was a much better singer, and her love for music went much deeper than just her memories with her dad, but it was definitely a contributing factor. Anytime she found Shanks humming to himself or singing quietly in an empty corner of the ship, she would join in, making it a shared activity. She felt close to Shanks when they'd sing together, and he felt close to her.

Buggy was a fan of Uta's. When he saw her on tv, Luffy rudely disclosing her lineage, he was mad at first, mad that Shanks had a child Buggy didn't know about, mad that Shanks had forced his way into his life in yet another way, mad that something he had grown to love was associated with Shanks in any way; but a part of him was happy to see Shank's love for singing had passed on, especially to a better singer.

#2 Buggy adores Uta. She's perfectly balanced between Shank's endless love and compassion and Buggy's hyper-reactivity and showmanship, and of course, she shares both of their drives. If Buggy and Shanks had created a child in a lab together, Uta would have been the result. Everything Shanks in her is what Buggy adores, and everything Buggy in her is what Shanks adores.

#3 Uta grew up hearing bedtime stories that Shanks would tell her about him and Buggy. He would create fictional love stories to tell her about his lost love. A few examples being: the sun and the moon, a fox and a raccoon, a king and his jester, red and blue dragons, and an ember and snowflake. When she got older, she pieced things together, realizing that Shanks wasn't just telling her made-up stories, but instead explaining his life in contexts that a child could understand. When she finally met Buggy she immediately recognized him from Shanks's stories.

[fudanshidoublevision]

Double Vision as a father.

Ray better kill him before Double puts his bloody claws on MC and even thinks of forming a family with them. /j

Dude, no, imagine being his CHILD, i feel sorry for anyone who has Double as some type of...paternal figure, LMFAO.

Experiencing parenthood isn't on my “to-do list”. Plus having a child, on this ECONOMY? I'm good.

Parenting is a humbling experience, my parents had taught me AND told me that. Well, that is certainly my fault because I was the devil reincarnated when I was a kid— but they still call me their little devil so not much has changed I guess. ( ͡°з ͡°)

But in this scenario...even if the circumstances aren't ideal, I believe that anyone can do their best if they really want to, it's not easy. It isn't the children's fault that their parents are so troubled. (meaning, if their progenitor is Double Vision in this case, lol)

I've discussed this with my best friend once, a long time ago and they said something about how Double will view his child as a possesion and extension of himself (and yours too, because he would only care about that kid just enough 'cause you are attached to them), i kind of agree with him. But, I mean? If Double Vision has kids with MC, wouldn't that mean he is fond with the idea of having kids? I haven't mentioned nothing about him being capable of “baby trapping” you because everyone else is disposable to him but you aren't. For all he cares, he only needs to held you tight by your throat to remember that he only needs you, he doesn't want or need someone else. In this scenario, your child was planned and wanted.

Even if you loved your child, he will be uncapable of loving them back the same way you love them but he wouldn't be uncaring, dude is deranged and a major bad influence. Mostly because of the way he is and taking in consideration the fact that his parents were emotionally and psychically absent when he needed them around, it's not an excuse considering how in this similar scenario Ray didn't had NO good-present parental figures on his whole life but wants to try his best, it just kind of explains why he acts and why would he act like that. I'm not saying that Ray would be perfect at parenting a child just a bit better than Double for sure, not gonna lie Double gives me “crazy-unstable uncle” vibes.

He is not right in the head, neither i am but hey, this is not a competition for who's more deranged, so...someone has to be the relatively-stable and emotionally available parental figure. (Meaning, YOU.)

Just sane enough to not make a mini Double 2.0. Who can be worse.

He would care...and “love” (the way he “loves you” is pretty different) his own child his very particular way. Yeah, he would be cruel and a piece of shit to you but just a tiny mean and highly authoritarian towards his child.

me if our kid ever asks me why their father fucking SUCKS at giving advice and why is it always has to end up with someone getting hurt:

"Mini-me, if you ever need adivice, you can open up to me and say whatever is bothering that little head of yours. Keeping some ugly thoughts to yourself isn't good, whatever it is, I'll never judge you and you'll never scare me off....What about your dad...? Eh, he...just isn't the best giving out advice. Some people aren't good with their words...and tend to say things that are bad, sometimes it's better to do...whatever you think is right instead of following what others may "advice” you but you can always double-check with me to know if you are doing the right thing.

Why, you ask? WELL... what about if we just...OH, what if we go out for a bit? Would you like that? I'll buy you whatever you want. ANYTHING! Just...dont tell your dad, okay..."

It's sad but it's not easy to explain to children why their mom/dad/parent acts or behaves “weird” or is incapable of doing things their other parent can do.

Oh well, i believe Double's kid wouldn't question what their dad tells them to do or say because...that's their father, they don't know any better than what their parents tell them.

Double's parental skills aren't the best; he is driven by his own emotions and he is the definition of what impulsivity means. He doesn't care much about consequences and who he might hurt to achieve what he wants and what he NEEDS. (You, again, for example. He obliterated the previous Night Crew members because of your “disappearance”. He may or may not broken someone's bones and mayyybe, just maybe! I think... he threatened some people here and there to get your location.)

I thought that maybe he would use your own child as a weapon to tame you so you'll do whatever he says. Emotional manipulation and conditioning...not even that poor kid is safe from that, Double is VERY MUCH controlling and overprotective. No matter how you behave, he stills wants you but of course, he loves a defiant behavior but he can't deny that he enjoys it when you "make things easier".

After all, parents will do anything for their children, right? Oh well, I'll be guessing that you'll do that for the sake of your child. Sorry if I'm wrong.

It doesn't really matter how that child appeared or how they were conceived and brought to you two to form a family. Those little details don't matter, you'll try your best, right? No matter what. You don't have much of an option if you are with Double, I guess. ಠಿ_ಠ

But I have the feeling that this freak will be overjoyed if the kid, shares your and his blood and genes. Just another thing to reaffirm his ownership over you. I don't think he will be capable of harming his own child, psychically, I mean. Maybe he WILL threaten you and say he'll hurt your kid when you “act feisty” so you'll give up.

Double Vision wouldn't be jealous at all of his child if they take all the attention from his most beloved possession off him because they aren't simply a bit of a threat to him and that kid is just trying to bond with you, i don't think Double would even bother to get in between of the parent of his kid and his child. Unless it is to annoy you or just be insufferable, as usual.

I like the idea that he underestimates what his child is capable of doing, lol.

For my own mental peace, i didn't added details like “what if your child had abilities?”. Because I have the feeling Double will be up to NO good with that little piece of information.

But let's just sit and think about it, either way, if your child is an ability holder or not, doesn't really matter if Daddy Double is around. Anything is possible and who is he to deny his child's wish to follow his daddy's step? Villainy, I mean, lol.

He would be overjoyed and proud his child wants to be a villain, like his parents. Well, he still is a villain and MC is not longer in the business because of Double, LMAO.

If you'd like to enter a more dangerous territory well, what if his kid wanted to become a hero? Not even an option, haha.

It's not like they have one, being a villain or just a regular citizen, no child of Double is going to become a hero on his guard. He will be very open about his distaste on the wish of his child wanting to be a hero, he might be ticked off by that.

Maybe he is usually cold-headed when he interacts with his own child, I think it's enough with him having you in edge constantly, at least he wouldn't behave or treat them the same way he treats you. Even though, there are times that his patience runs thin (when annoyed or angry, not entirely directed towards his child) and could say some concerning things that his child may take to heart.

Parents knows best, I've heard from a certain someone say before.

Now, what if that child grows? Woah, they are going through the terrifying, horrifying, traumatizing, horrible phase of adolescence! Amazing, worst years of my life! ᕕ( ՞ ᗜ ՞ )ᕗ

They are slowing growing into becoming an adult, they might realize how different everything looks when you are a bit...mature, you become more aware of what's going on around you. They will notice about how some behaviors from their parents aren't normal and not what they seemed, I'm specifically talking about Double Vision but you get it.

Maybe they will develop a rocky relationship with you but I believe that no matter what they will still love you and care for you, maybe you'll become their favorite and appreciate more the way you cared for them, who knows. Maybe they will hate you because you didn't tried enough and had to choose Double Vision as their shitty dad (I think it's for the best if they didn't know the reality of your situation 😁), they will grew and distant but who knows...?

About Double, I have the feeling that for their own sake they'll ignore his dad's existence as much as they can, Double is aware of that and doesn't care that much but I won't deny that he might be annoyed by that and oh NO! They ended up being just like you and Double is going to pick on you for that and even say that is your fault why they hate him so much.

Maybe it's for the better if your kid ended up being more like you rather than Double.

Double is an only child so i believe that he'll only want one single kid but I don't think he would be opposed of having another one but MAYBE, just maybe, no!

But there's something I believe that everyone can agree on and that's on the fact that Double looks so fucking HOT with grey hair.

And oh my FUCKING God, his gloves? You can see his tattooed sleeves and his neck? I feel like a Victorian man seeing a woman's ankles for the first time. I want to break his senile back.

Conclusion, could you have kids with Double? Absolutely, will he be a good dad? Questionable but most likely, not. I think he might be like his parents, he exists but he isn't a reliable person for his kids, it's kind of difficult to come a conclusion because he is so complex to me, my opinion on him is always ever-changing.

OH YEAH, you and your child might be the only ones besides some of your family members who probably meet him wayyyyyy before, a long time ago, that know his real name. It isn't that relevant but one of the most important things a kid has to know it's their parents name and last name, right? Not that Double's real name is going to be used as much as you might think.

I wrote this solely because I had a dream where Double Vision was my uncle and he lived on my grandparents backyard??? Sick and I just wanted to post this because I spent three days of my life writing this and then chickened out.

This post in particular wasn't proofreaded (at all) by my friends that usually encourage to post my dusty drafts.

I hope you liked it, I might add some things to this post in the future...

Anyways, Haley bae is next. Maybe even Binary Star because I think having kids with him sounds scary, if you are aware of WHY ARE YOU having kids with him on the first place (canonically speaking).

How would Double actually act if he ever had a kid: /j

I had this video on repeat playing in my head while writing this.

[c-is-for-circinate]

What I mean when I say that Mike and Steve and Hopper are playing out different sides of the same story is that in season four, in the throes of maybe the best monologue in the series, Hopper says, "Ever since I was eighteen...Uncle Sam wants me to go fight some war in the jungle. Charlie's moving south like a plague 'cause of commie bastards like you. And you know, I'm happy enough to go, prove to my old man I'm not the piece of shit he thinks I am." A year earlier, fresh out of high school, Steve complains about the asshole dad who sneers at him about learning responsibility, and then finds himself out on a quest to find Soviet soldiers on American soil, trying to set loose the Upside-Down like a disease.

It's something about fathers and sons and respect and what you have to live up to. Something about the way Ted Wheeler never looks up at his children over the breakfast table. Something about trying to prove yourself with honor and violence, with protection. Steve home-running a demogorgon and playing bait for demodogs in a junkyard, Hopper playing bait in a prison laundry room, Hopper with a sword like the fulfillment of a promise. Joyce and Murray behind Hopper in the face of danger and the almost-hilarious plethora of shots of teens ducking behind Steve at the first sign of monsters. The way you can see Mike stop being a snotty, whiny teenager and Activate Paladin Mode every time someone he loves is in trouble.

It's the way Hopper and Mike both try to Lay Down The Law, we are Not Stupid, friends don't lie. They break their own rules, because who could ever live up to them? But god forbid El does. Steve's favorite word is 'no', for all he keeps getting overruled, all the times he keeps trying.

It's Joyce. It's Nancy. It's El, and El again -- a little bit Robin, and a little bit Will, a little bit all of the kids, but always, there's El.

It's about loving but not knowing how to do it right, because nobody ever taught you, because your dad was a piece of shit who will never be impressed, who will never be proud, because you used to be a boy and then the world said here, little boy, it's time to learn violence instead. It's about trying again and again to love the right way anyway, grasping for advice because of course Joyce and Will know how to love El better, letting Nancy go because of course Jonathan is best. (None of the Byers tell this story, because they're all too busy letting love carve chunks out of them instead.)

It's about being the guy, The Guy -- the one who isn't black or disabled or gay, the one who's not a genius, not a weirdo, not strange in the face of all these things that keep getting stranger. The Guy, who all the laws of narrative say is supposed to be at the center (though Joyce and Nancy and Dustin do more to actively drive the plot in any one season than these guys do in four, though the whole show revolves like a hurricane around El, El, always El). The Guy, knowing you're meant to get the girl in the end, recognizing or forgetting or learning that maybe this isn't that story, that maybe you've never been good enough for her. Never knowing what to do with yourself without her, because you're not special. You've never been special. You're normal. You're boring. You're an asshole. You're a curse.

And Mike is too young to hold a sword, and Steve knows how to say I love you, and Hopper is so much older and more tired and broken than either of them. But Steve walks barefoot through miles of Upside-Down, and Hopper runs barefoot through miles of Russian snow, and nobody says a goddamn word, because they're the same, they're the same, they're the same.

[lokischocolatefountain]

not to feel the way I felt—

Fandom: The Last of Us (HBO)

Pairing: Joel Miller x Tess Servopoulos

Word Count: 3.9k words

Summary: “I never ask you for anything, not to feel the way I felt—” Moments in their lives where Joel felt something, if not they way she felt.

A/N: I love Joel and Tess. They are mom and dad, they’re endgame, they’re the most beautiful and tragic love story and it was physically painful to not write them.

i

“I don’t need it that bad, Tess.”

She let out a mocking laugh and placed her hands on her waist. Head tilted and eyes squinting down at him, she asked, “What, so you have morals now? Is that it?”

He snorted and pushed the plate of cooked rabbit harder than he was supposed to. It hit the wall, the plate shattering and spilling the food all over the floor. That had done it for her. When she turned around, her features were taught with fury, her clenched fists banged against the table.

“Fuck you, Joel!”

He deserved that. In a fit of rage, he’d declined the only food they’d found recently. It was cold out and they had three mouths to feed but only two pairs of capable hands what with Tommy being indisposed. As they argued in the little shed they’d come to call home, his little brother was half-asleep in the warmest corner, shivering under the only blanket they had. He’d fed him the last of the chicken broth they had left from the last time they successfully raided a supermarket.

“I can’t eat that, Tess,” he said softly, his lips trembling as his mind replayed the state of her when she came home with the chicken. He still couldn’t look at her, the guilt eating away at his heart as he thought of what must’ve gone though her head to agree to such a thing for food.

“We’ve done far worse for food. This is nothing.”

“It’s not nothing,” he said, his voice breaking. It was his fault. He should have been the one to go out for food, but he let his emotions win out and stayed behind with Tommy. His fault that they didn’t have enough ammo to begin with. If they did, he knew she wouldn’t have hesitated to shoot those guys up for the two rabbits she’d gotten from them.

“If you don’t eat that, Miller, I’ll fucking kill you myself. I don’t care. One less mouth to feed.”

She wouldn’t, he knew that. But the fact that she would make such a threat was enough to show him how grave their situation was. She picked up her own plate and dug into her share of the rabbit she traded for…for lack of a better word, sex. She stabbed at the meat with the knife she’d pushed into many men, tearing the charred animal apart before shoving a big piece in her mouth. Bite after bite, she ate so quickly that he doubted that she chewed well enough.

His stomach growled and his tongue salivated at the sight of the meat on the broken plate. He closed his eyes, scolding himself for wanting the food he’d so adamantly rejected. Hunger had company in his belly that stirred, feeling queasy from the reminder of how broken she looked when she came back. It wasn’t just the physical aspect of it all— the limp in her walk, her swollen lips, the hand mark around her throat. She had an emptiness in her eyes, like the emptiness in Sarah’s when she died in his arms.

Tess looked dead.

She ate and walked around and screamed at him for not eating the rabbit she’d secured, but she might as well be dead from the blankness of her stare. He thanked the sun for setting early on him, for giving him the small mercy of not having to see her in that state again. But this wasn’t something that would go away. It wasn’t a unique feature of the collapsed world. Women had faced all this before and they continued to face it in the ruins of a world that was never safe for them. He knew that she would carry it with her forever.

When she was done, she collected the meat he’d kicked away like an ungrateful brat and wrapped it up before storing it under the blanket of snow at the shed’s door. They couldn’t let it lie there just because he couldn’t stomach it. Food was food. It was the most valuable thing in the new world. They’d lied, killed and stabbed allies in the back for it. She’d exchanged herself for it.

Despite their disagreement, they found warmth in each other’s arms as they huddled together in the cold. All their blankets had gone toward keeping Tommy warm and he felt a surge of guilt for keeping her cold and uncomfortable for his brother. He was his family. She wasn’t. She had no obligation to keep Tommy alive. But she did anyway. He owed her. But so did she. The three of them had saved each other too many times for them to keep a record and pay off debts. Protecting each other was just the way of life now.

Joel pulled her closer to his chest when he felt her shaking. She cried easily unlike him. While he let everything fester inside and weight him down, she let everything out every now and then. She cried her heart out, sometimes even screamed if they were a safe distance from infected, and was back to work within minutes like nothing had happened. She was practical with her emotions, chewing on it and spitting it out so that she could have a clear head for whatever they had to do next.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered into her matted hair. She shook in his arms and stained his freshly cleaned shirt with her tears. He held her as he did many other nights when she called out for her husband and son in her sleep. He held her as he would for the many other nights to come in their decades of life together.

ii

“What stupid thing do you miss?” Tommy asked, nailing the planks together for the boat they were building for the next step in their journey. The question wasn’t for Joel, but he answered in his head- popsicles. Tommy and Tess were talkative. It was how they kept themselves going. Joel did not participate, but he listened. That was how he kept going.

“I don’t know… I don’t think much about the stupid shit,” she answered as she cleaned their guns. “Refrigerator? We could really use that right now.”

“Nah! I told you stupid thing, not something useful. Tell me something that’s some useless shit.”

“Makeup, I guess. I didn’t wear much, but I liked lipsticks a lot.”

“Dang, yeah that’s pretty useless. I miss my hair conditioner. It smelled nice and made my hair all soft and curly. Chicks dug it.”

She laughed and ruffled Tommy’s sticky, greasy hair before letting out an exaggerated sound of disgust. “I miss cheese. God I would kill for cheese right now.”

The duo went back and forth, discussing what useless thing they missed the most as he worked with them in silence.

Maybe that was why he stepped into the old cosmetics store once he was done with the handover of the pills they’d smuggled into the QZ. It was one of the stores that hadn’t been picked over already. He wasn’t a complete stranger to beauty stores, but they still made him uncomfortable with their unfamiliarity. He stopped when found a shelf with lipstick…cartridges? No, that was not the right word.

This was so stupid.

He picked one off the shelf and rotated the bottom of the thing like he’d seen many women do. He wasn’t completely clueless. A repulsively bright pink color popped out and he winced internally about how much Tess would hate the color. He’d never seen her in makeup before. Not many opportunities for that in a fucking apocalypse. But something told him that she wouldn’t like something so…loud. He went through each one, imagining Tess’ reaction to the colors and putting them down when he found an argument against each one.

Take one of each, a voice in him screamed. He could. It wasn’t like he had to pay for them. She would laugh in his face if he returned to her apartment with not just the cards he traded for pills, but lipsticks. She would laugh at the one lipstick he intended to take back to her. But multiple would have her mocking him for the rest of their lives. Tess wasn’t one for anything that wasn’t practical. Every little thing they put in their pack on their journey to the Boston QZ, she evaluated for their uses. Nothing frivolous went in her pack. Except for her wedding band and engagement ring.

When he found a soft pink, he stopped his search. It wasn’t too much. It was a pretty color and they looked close enough to the natural pink of lips. Not her lips. He remembered the color of her lips well enough. And he thought this color wouldn’t look too bad over it. He slipped it into his pocket with the magazine he had found for his gun, feeling ridiculous but not regretting it one bit.

The mocking was worth it for how her newly painted lips stretched up in a smile as she looked at her own reflection on the switchblade she had in her pocket. And it was more than worth it when the pretty pink lips wrapped around his dick that night.

iii

“N-no, I don’t have the cards for that.” She curled in on herself, shaking in cold despite the sweltering heat of the summer day. Beads of sweat collected on her burning forehead and he pushed her hair out of the way to see her properly. Her condition had only gotten worse over the night. He would’ve gone out in the dark of night to get her the medicines she needed, but she insisted that sleep would cure her. Bullshit.

Now she’d given him the real reason for not letting him buy her medicines— she didn’t have enough cards to exchange for it. She was stubborn, didn’t like owing anyone anything. She would kill a bunch of people before accepting help. He could empathize with that. But he could also lie to give her the medicines he’d bought by adding some of his cards to hers. The fight they’d have over it was for him to deal with later.

“You did. You’re just shit at counting,” he lied, sitting next to her. The water he’d heated up for her sat untouched in the vessel on the concrete blocks they called bedside table.

He fed her first, scooping out the red beans from the rusting can and feeding it to her one by one. She did not put up a fight. She accepted his assistance and even held on to his arm the whole time. Her eyes were glazed over and it felt like she weighed much less as she placed her entire weight on him when she fell onto his lap. He managed to coax the pills into her, but barely as she almost spit one of them out and he had to force it back through her lips.

Tess mumbled in her sleep all night. But that was not the reason he couldn’t get himself to close his eyes. He had to monitor her temperature. He had to make sure she would be alright. If there were no signs of her condition getting better, he would have to wake her up to force more pills into her system. If she didn’t get better by the morning, he would have to drag her to the old doctor in their building with a promise of more Oxy for her.

The shitty alcohol they’d traded for sat on the kitchen counter, calling on to him to take just one sip. Just one or two or more to numb the ache that had etched itself permanently in his muscles. He hadn’t gone without drinking for…since forever. It was the only way to get a decent few hours of sleep so that he could go out for work the next day. He had to work the next day. Sewage duty. With her incapacitated, more work was crucial to survival. What he’d make the next day would barely cover what they needed, but there was no choice. He had to go no matter how much his muscles ached and his bones creaked.

Pins and needles pierced his head as the clock ticked. His hands shook like they did the first time he took a life. He really needed a fucking drink. He’d gone too many hours without one.

He played with the revolver in his hand, opening and closing the cylinder to see chambers half full. It wouldn’t take much. Everything would be over in just a second. He sighed, burying his face in his hands as he tried to rid himself of his thoughts. Staying awake was a danger to his life.

She mumbled more, pulling him out of his destructive thoughts. He adjusted himself on the bed and placed the back of his hand on her forehead to check her temperature. Still burning up.

He slinked out of bed and began packing back and forth, ignoring the head-splitting pain and his increased heart rate. He needed to keep it together. He needed to stay up and stay sober. For Tess.

iv

“Fuck, sweetheart! Feel so good,” he grunted as she fucked him, her thighs pressing him into the couch and her fists clenched around his shirt. He wanted to keep his eyes open, to see how free and beautiful she looked taking him like that. Their world did not offer much room for beauty. He’d found things beautiful on their trips outside the QZ, but rarely allowed himself to appreciate it. But her beauty surrounded him, it was all-consuming and undeniable even in the long-abandoned house that was covered in dust. He couldn’t help but lean in, couldn’t stop himself as he buried his face in her neck and placed tender kisses on her marred skin.

“Joel,” she whimpered, her eyes tightly shut as she took her pleasure from him. His hand wandered all over her back and trembled as it drifted beneath her shirt. He’d never done that before, never touched the bare skin on her back when they were intimate. They never took their clothes off with each other, never gave in to the need to rip everything off of each other to see what hid underneath tattered fabric.

He’d seen her and she’d seen him.

They’d undressed one another, nursed each other’s wounds and bathed each other when they were too weak and beaten up to care for themselves. He knew what she looked like, had seen the freshly bleeding gashes, debrided them, put her back together. She’d see him, the wounds from others and the wounds self-inflicted, not questioning any of them, never asking why he’d attempted to take his own life. He’d seen her in the bullet wounds he’d sewn up as she bit down on his crumpled up shirt to keep herself from screaming too loud.

He’d seen the straight line across under her belly and the light pink streaks that were the only thing she had left of her son and he wished to himself that he’d been the one to bear his child just so he could have something left of his fatherhood other than the festering emptiness in his chest.

They’d seen all of each other, bit by bit, but never all at once. They’d seen each other when in pain but never in pleasure. What they had was built on death and decay. It was ugly yet safe, closed off but the most open they could be with another person.

“Tess, darlin’ please,” he cried as she grinded on his lap, heightening his pleasure. He reached between them and found her clit, using the little gentleness he had left in him to make her feel good. She whimpered his name back to him as she struggled with the pleasure just as he did. He grabbed her hip with one hand and dug his fingers in, hoping that the next time he got to see an inch of her skin it would be bruised from his hand. It would be a kind of symbol, something to show for whatever they had.

They had nothing else to make claims upon each other. There were no rings, no papers from the government to declare that whatever they had was real. They didn’t hold hands, didn’t kiss the other goodbye, but she was his and he was hers, undeniably so.

She tightened around him, her nails digging into him through his shirt and he pulled her close and pressed his lips on hers, drinking in her moans to quench his thirst. A familiar metallic taste filled his mouth as he bit down and drew blood. He pulled back for air and took her face in, took in all the beauty of her in the pleasure that she found in his body. She slumped over him and so he took over the reins and fucked into her, chasing his own pleasure as she whimpered softly in her post-orgasmic exhaustion.

“I love you.”

His heart stopped and he gasped, his mouth falling open in as much pleasure as it did shock. He caught just a glimpse of her pained expression before his eyes closed and his thighs clenched as he chased the high of the only indulgence he’d allowed himself.

“I— I can’t,” he said, his voice thick and shaking from emotion. “Sorry, I—”

It was hell just to see the heartbreak on her face, so he looked away. His lap felt lighter as she removed herself from him, letting him spill out on her thigh and over his cock. But his heart sank under the pressure of the new burden he’d acquired, one he didn’t know he would carry beyond the day she would burn down to the earth and he would run with a kid on whom she would place all her remaining hope. He’d always carry the guilt of not being human enough to remember love, not being man enough to have anything left of himself to give her. Nothing to give but taking everything from carnal pleasure as they fucked to safety when she lied behind him and pressed her chest to his back.

“I don’t know why I…” she said, shuffling awkwardly in front of him once she’d pulled her jeans back on. “Sorry.”

v

He’d found it deep inside his pocket one day.

Ellie had the habit of leaving bits of paper in her pockets so he’d begun checking them to empty them out before he did their laundry. He checked his pocket too for some reason and he’d found it in the back pocket of jeans he wore on his travel to Jackson. It must’ve taken him so long to find because he rarely ever wore the pair, the wear and tear less of a reason than the fact that he couldn’t squeeze himself into it anymore. Three meals a day everyday did that to a man.

It had survived the trip somehow. All twisted up and elongated, well worn beyond repair but tied together to make a closed loop so that she could put her hair back. Strands of grey and brown hair were tangled up around the elastic and he closed his eyes as he recalled the times they slept with their heads together and her hair tickling his skin to wake him up in the mornings. As he pulled the spare pillow to his chest and imagined it was her.

He couldn’t help but wonder what life would’ve been like had she survived just a little longer. If their luck had stretched out just a little behind those twenty years he spent giving her nothing. He would give her everything now.

She had always been so gentle with him. The world had broken her just as it did him, but she always handled him with care, seeing the light when he couldn’t and holding his hand and leading him through his darkness. Protecting him from himself as he protected her. No matter his cruelty, no matter the void in his chest where a heart once used to be, she was gentle. She stood on the other side of his walls even though she unlocked the door into hers whenever he asked. While Tess had always stood respectfully on the other side of his walls, Ellie had broken in brashly and shaken him up and made him care.

Made him love.

Heart full of love aplenty, he showered Ellie with it all. He gave some to Tommy’s kid, surprised at the lack of resentment for the man who had in this child what he once had in Sarah. He gave little bits and pieces to the food he cooked and the furniture he built and the guitar he played by the fire when Ellie asked for it.

He gave plenty of it to Tommy. He gave it knowing he’d been safe and sound in Jackson all along. Safe and sound and happily married while Tess burnt down believing he didn’t feel the way she felt.

Even in death, she protected him.

He wrapped his hand around the elastic and the strands of her hair and closed his eyes, willing sleep to come just so that he could see her again in his nightmares.

Some nights, he stood by as the fire ate into her skin and consumed her whole. She was always alive for it, speaking his name as he failed her again. Some nights, she asked him why he gave her nothing though she gave him everything. She died every night in multiple ways and he woke up, a grieving man with no term for what he was without her, nothing to legitimize his loss.

On the most cruel nights, she didn’t die.

She didn’t suffer.

The marks on her face and the grays in her hair were all gone and she was in his house in Texas, curled up behind him. She told him she loved him and he was the kind of man who said it back a million times and made her smile. They worked together, she the engineer and he the contractor and she led and he followed. Those nights, she knew Sarah and Sarah knew Tess’s son and they all knew Ellie. Those nights, they were husband and wife, mom and dad, engineer and contractor, man and woman wrapped up together as they waited for the alarm to pry them apart for the working day ahead.

He craved the cruel nights the most, giving all his love to the Tess-shaped delusion he perpetually reached out to, whether his eyes were opened or closed.

He would always reach for the hand that used to wrap around his torso as they slept. He would cook her recipes and taste her favorite dishes and lazily rub the wounds on his body that she’d once tended to. He would lie awake in the dark as he did then and long to give her what she gave him.

He would remember her, Tess Servopolous, all her courage and strength, all her hope and optimism. Until the earth claimed him too, he would luxuriate in all his nightmares where she asked everything of him and he gave freely and where she didn’t have to ask him to feel the way she felt.

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Read more of my Pedro Pascal character fics

[softguarnere]

Hiya bestie!! So this is totally just a Thought ™️ but whenever you get a chance, could you please write a "Wait For Me" from Hadestown-type vibe where the only thoughts that keep Lieb going during the hell that is Bastogne are thoughts of the girl he left behind and thoughts about their talks during better times or letters maybe, about how he'll find his way back to her no matter what because she's his bashert (Yiddish for his destiny, fated one/soulmate)!

Idk, we just need more Yiddish-speaking Joe in the world 🤭

Thank you so much in advance!! 💖

A/N: Aly my dear, I have been obsessed with this idea since we talked about it way back last month. I'm so sorry about the wait (school and life have both been crazy), and thank you so much for your patience! 🫶🏼 You are absolutely right: this fandom needs more Yiddish speaking Joe! Let this man connect with his roots!!!! 👏🏼 I'm sorry it's short, but I hope you like it bestie 💖

(This is written for the fictional depiction from the show - no disrespect to the real life veterans!) 💕🕊️

Warnings: mentions of war, some religious imagery/ideas

Miracle of Miracles

Joe Liebgott x reader

Actions speak louder than words, his father had taught him from a young age. And that lesson wasn't all talk, either - Joe had seen his dad surprise his mom with enough flowers, help her carry groceries unasked, and surprise her by making dinner for their family enough times to see the I love yous displayed in every little move.

And that's just fine with him; he's never been too good with his words, so he's all about action.

Yet with all the distance between the two of you, it's now words that speak to Joe. Your words, from your letters. The letters that he keeps in his pocket at all times. The letters that he reads every night to feel closer to you.

You - the only thought that keeps him going in this place.

He keeps telling himself that if things would calm down for just a second, then he would be able to put his pen to the page and write you back.

Except this early night, for once, is quiet after the nightmarish events of the day. He's hunkered down in his foxhole, leaning against the hardness of the packed earth behind him, trying to find some semblance of warmth, and he can't figure out what to say.

Plenty of thoughts swirl around his head. Awful, horrifying thoughts of the things that he's seen since coming to this frozen hell. Terrible memories of trees exploding and his fellow soldiers sliding into foxholes as screams of terror and pain ring out across the landscape.

Okay, so there are thoughts, but they're definitely not the type that he should be sharing with you.

Part of him wishes that you were there. To hold, to talk to. It's actually better that you're not stuck in a place like Bastogne with him, though. You're the antithesis of the forest he's found himself in - he doesn't even want to imagine the sunlight and warmth that emanate from your soul being snuffed out in the dark gloom of the foxholes.

He has your letters. Enough heat is carried in your words to see him through.

See him through. That's his favorite thought: the idea that holding onto memories of you will get him through this whole thing in one piece - God walking Daniel through the lion's den. Because if he can just survive Bastogne, he's pretty sure the promise of seeing you again will drive him through the rest of the war, like some sort of miracle. Whenever he reads your words he can practically hear your voice and see your smile already.

Dear Liebling, all your letters begin. And all end with, I'm still here - waiting for you.

For him. A wonder. A miracle. How did he get so lucky? From the first time your eyes met, he felt like something in his soul recognized something in yours. It felt like it was meant to be; fated since the beginning of time, like he would find you in this or any other lifetime - his bashert . . . his soulmate.

And he's coming back to you if it's the last thing he ever does.

It's been so long since he's seen you. So long since he's been able to properly write to you. If he were back home, he would have surprised you with a bouquet of flowers tonight, and tomorrow he would be making you breakfast - I love you I love you I love you punctuating every movement, every glance, every smile.

But your not here and he's not there. That means there's only one way for him to show you all the love he carries just for you.

Shivering, he pulls out a piece of spare paper and unfolds it, propping it against his knee as he squints to see it through the growing darkness. He blows on his hands and rubs them together to warm them up while he thinks.

Finally, he puts his pen to the paper and just does it - which is arguably what he's always done best. After all, you're his fated one, his destiny. Your soul is like a reflection of his. If anyone will understand what he's trying to say, it will be you.

Dear (Y/N), he begins. Have I ever told you that I've loved you since before the beginning of time?

[strawberryjamsara]

HELLO

Idk if you've seen the ending where you choose all the red options but i wanna hear your thoughts abt it if you have...

Also because im going insane over it so i need to get my thoughts out somewhere (about the red option ending)

// spoilers below?

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Sara admitting that she doesn't make any new connections because she's afraid of dragging them into a world of darkness despite not having (to her) any credible evidence that such a thing will happen is so????

Does she subconsciously know something is up with her family?? I assume she's caught on that her family life is a lil off due to her having an option(s)? About her father going -> (Eg. When you tell joe "Don't laugh" she goes "Don't laugh at my father!!" And there's an option that says something about embarassment abt her dad)

Like???

AND THATS NOT EVEN MENTIONING THE DG APPEARANCE IN A MINISODE SET !!BEFORE!! THE TIMELINE OF THE GAMES??? WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? WHAT IS GOING ON??

(AND THE IMPLICATIONS THAT SARA DID SURVIVE THE DG AND IS NOW LIKE "I WONDER WHAT WOULDVE HAPPENED IF I DID THIS INSTEAD? WOULD IT BE DIFFERENT")

My brain will now be rotating this minisode like a microwave for months now 😭 goddamn nankidai's wild ride never ends

HI HI SO I FOUND OUT THE RED ENDING EXISTED AFTER I COMPLETED THE INITIAL STORY AND ITS. SOMETHING.

There’s so much to unpack with the red ending. In a sense the red ending changes so much of the perspective of the story. Part of me thinks maybe this story is Sara post logic, trying to piece together remnants of her memories of Joe. Who was he? A best friend? A crush? Something in between? She’s putting so many pieces together, and also starting to take notice of the “red flags” she had with her father. We’ve seen signs of her home life before but here they’re essentially playing on a loudspeaker what kind of father he was.

And also this ending shows so much self hatred from Sara. The idea she’s dark and unknowable and that she’s destined to drag others down with her if she makes friends (very Catholic of you Sara). And it feels like another thing she was subtly ‘taught’. Her dad just needed her to keep on with what he’s said about never holding back, and the guilt will be enough that she doesn’t form ‘real’ bonds. So she doesn’t really become attached to anyone, since she needs to have that trait if she’s going to be willing to kill.

But you know who else has that trait? That ‘I’m an awful person who will drag others down with me’ mentality that makes them form walls? Trick question it’s two people. Keiji and Kai.

Kai hating his ‘darkness’ being fine with Mr Chidouins love even as he’s essentially used as a servant and not allowed to speak to his family… While it probably didn’t start after he worked there, I can see Mr Chidouin nursing that feeling in him so he can be a better weapon. His way of getting him to be willing to die for the cause of rescuing his daughter. And won’t that just feed her feeling of dragging others down? The fact that someone she never even knew died for her, and she spent the whole time thinking he was some stalker? It’s just one thing to keep her feeling like she hurts whatever she touches, after the other guilt of her best friend dying.

And Keiji… Oh Keiji. It’s not really hard to see that the reason Keiji stops trying to manipulate Sara and grows a genuine attachment to her is because he sees himself in her. More precisely he’s afraid she’ll end up like him. And yet despite their hatred for attachments and belief that they will hurt other people, they form one of the strongest connections in the game. Maybe because of it. Because Keiji never really shows full vulnerability maybe Sara thought he was ‘safe’ to get close too. If he didn’t care all that much, and even he seemed fine with the darkness, she couldn’t cause him to get worse. And then they both caused each other to get better. Urrrgh I’m punching the ground:

[iron-strange12]

“you barely remember your dad, Morgan, you can't use him as an influential male figure in your life for Father's Day.”

That was said to her about a week ago by one of the pretentious girls in her private school and she hasn't stopped thinking about it. Of course, she retaliated, not in violence since her mother taught her better. No, she used words, and those cut deeper than any slap across the cheek.

Still, her feelings were hurt because the girl had been right.

So, here she was. A coffee right in front of her and some of her dad's old blueprints. She remembered bits and pieces of his time together with her, but it was all becoming a blur now that she was getting older. His memory is plastered all over the world and videos of him are online but the important ones, the intimate ones of him without his emotional armor. Those were her favorites and they were all in the home videos FRIDAY had made where no one could see them but her.

“ Fri?” The seventeen-year-old called out, her eyes not leaving the paper with different calculations, “Can you please bring up anything about Dad?”

“Anything in particular?”

“All of his blueprints, I want everything on display,” Morgan has seen every single video and read everything regarding her dad. This was her first time sitting down and fully trying to understand the way his mind worked. She was classified as a genius as well, but despite what people say, she doesn’t see herself as better than her dad. She wishes to be at the same level as him, never more.

She set the paper down when she saw the holograms be brought up and read over each blueprint carefully, marking her favorites and laughing at the small comments he left himself like, “Don't forget to rub it in hammers face” and “Peppers birthday is next week…I think?”

It wasn’t until she got to a particular year of blueprints that caught her attention. 2016 to be exact. She enhanced the blueprint and her confusion grew along with it. “Spiderman..?” She muttered to herself. She marked that one red for important and then moved on to the others and she quickly realized that there were many more blueprints for him. And suddenly, those little funny comments her dad left were filled with other comments as well.

“Don’t forget the dishes, Pete.”

“Already done Mr. Stark”

“I know what you did kid, you’re grounded.”

“You dared me to?!”

“Mr. Stark don’t forget to sign my permission slip, please!”

“On top of my list of things kid, don’t worry.”

Each one had a comment and a response, she felt like she was watching someone’s YouTube channel or Instagram post. It made her feel left out because this “Pete” had her father's attention more than she ever had despite him being her father.

Morgan let a breath out, not liking this envious emotion she was feeling in the pit of her stomach. Instead, she continued her search, ignoring the comments until she reached 2018. Two particular blueprints caught her eye. One was filled with similar comments to the others and the next seemed empty compared to the previous ones. Only a week apart difference.

“I have your stuff in my attic kid along with your aunts, nothing was lost.”

“Wherever you are kid, I hope you’re having fun with your friends.”

“I’m sorry kid.”

“I miss you”

There were more depressing ones that she couldn’t bear to look at the strong man she knows her father as to be lost like this in these little comments. He must have blipped she thought to herself, remembering the stories she heard of the big battle of 2018 and the war of 2023.

She marked the blueprint.

There were others, not informative but she continued with her markings until she got to the last one.

“Time travel,” she gasped softly, her eyes reading quickly every calculation she could set her eyes on. Her dad was the one who invented time travel! Why? How do people now know about this?

She marked it red but when she did her eyes set on the only comment on the blueprint.

“I’m getting you back kid, whatever it takes…”

This comment is what made her body go cold as she connected the dots. This singular comment is what let the envious feeling that had festered in the pit of her stomach get out. He’s the reason I don’t have my dad with me?!

“Miss Morgan,” Friday began, “you seem to be in distress, shall I call for your mother?”

Morgan took a deep breath and shook her head. Her mom had been working nonstop, the last thing she needed was for her to be woken up at three in the morning to calm her jealous daughter.

“It’s fine Friday,” she said, with a sigh before continuing, “What do you know about a guy named Pete?”

Not even a minute later the A.I replied, “There’s nothing in my databases about him.” Morgan pursed her lips in disappointment before getting another idea. “Friday, what do you know about Spider-Man?”

Again, the A.I replied with efficiency, “He is considered a vigilante and the hero of Queens, he’s been known to help the underdog and solve smaller crimes.” Morgan nodded before coming with a decision, “pull up everything on him, I’ll be back as soon as possible.”

Morgan left the A.I with her task as she walked towards the door that led to the attic. She doesn’t know why they had an attic, especially as a family of technology but she doesn’t judge, maybe this is where he hid some things.

She looked around for a bit, laughing at some old photos and old costumes of her childhood. After moving around some more boxes, she found one with the label P. Parker on the side. Lifting the lid, she saw various things that someone her age might call vintage but are really not.

There was a yellow letterman jacket that looked too small to be a jock. Hold up, she thought to herself I can’t judge him just yet. It was confirmed a second later when she pulled out first place ribbons from decathlon competitions that the jacket was in fact not a jock.

She looked through more stuff inside the box, pulling out various Star Wars Lego figurines and other merchandise. A t-shirt with a bad pun and a yearbook. Finally, she can put a face to the strange person that had hogged the memories of her dad.

However, as she flipped through the pages, she couldn’t find anyone named Pete Parker but she assumed it was the kid that kept getting blocked in the most awkward way ever.

She let out an annoyed huff and put everything back in its box aside from the letterman jacket and the yearbook. Walking back down into her forgotten workspace, she saw the new information about a certain Spider-Themed hero, a victorious smile on her face despite not finding any answers in the attic. Once again, technology proves itself to be better, she thought to herself before thinking that her dad would absolutely agree with her thought.

She pulled her phone out and sent a quick message, knowing that they were awake as well. Looking at all the information in front of her she quickly refilled her mug with some new coffee.

It’s going to be a long night she thought to herself as settled in to her seat, her feet that wore fuzzy socks tucked in underneath her and Friday began to read.

——————-

Sneak peek of a new fic I'm writing that I can relate to and I hope you all like it. ❤️

[elgascreamslikehell]

Fuck it Friday

Tagged by sweet @pirrusstuff but it's already Saturday at my place (and it was Saturday when i was tagged cause I'm in east Europe)) so I'm kinda late for this train and won't be tagging anyone but if you just want to share - plz share!

It's extra piece of the same story cause usually i share on Wednesdays and Sundays.

I use 'fuck' in the meaning of swearing deal with it but i suppose they should have some action somewhere in this story cause well it's time

Eddie wakes up from the smell of pancakes. It's strange. Carla is off today. And to be fair, not that she used to cook breakfast. Somebody broke into the house to make pancakes? Well, good idea, of course, the most probable version. He stands up. Runs a quick internal checklist, physically - more than fine, not even a sign of dizziness, and hey, he was drunk yesterday… oh god, yesterday. Did he do something he shouldn't do? It's a little cloudy in his head but it looks like he was nice. Too nice.  Okay, back to.. 'Eds, you're up? Breakfast!' It's Buck. Buck is a great cook but there's one issue. He's blind. Eddie walks to the kitchen and stands in the doorway 'Good morning. How are you feeling? Oh, Chris, you're already here. Good morning to you too' 'Fine. I'm fine. We cooked pancakes with Chris! So seat down', - Buck's face is so expressive. Now the expression is guilt. Why the hell can he feel guilty? 'Hi dad', - Chris is shining as a new quarter. So, they made it up apparently. That's nice: 'Buck taught me to make pancakes with maple syrup!' 'We don't have maple syrup' 'Yes. So that's a new recipe. Pancakes with maple syrup without any syrup. Anyway, did you know that real maple syrup is…' Eddie laughs. He loves Buck. Like… he knew it for a long time already but somehow it's not getting better, on the contrary, it's getting only worse. Maybe he should stop trying to fight it. And definitely he should talk to Eric. It's cruel. And generally wrong. Eddie can learn how to love him at some point but he would never be Buck.  How did he end up like this? Why? Maybe his parents were right, it's him. He is the problem.  On the other hand, he can learn to love Eric. Be in the relationship. And Eric loves him, so… It's stupid to stop living only because one person you need you just can't have. But he has Buck. Just… not in the way he wants. But he has Buck. They are friends. It's better than nothing, right? His fingers still recall Buck's skin. Invisible Lichtenberg figures. '...Eddie? You okay? Dizziness? Head? What's wrong? Chris, bring my phone please, I need to..' 'I'm fine. Sorry, guys. Just thinking. No need to call anyone. And please, stop waiting for me to die eventually, it was a mild concussion and I'm fine!' 'Yes, but..', - how does he manage to have so many expressions on his face without eyes. And hell how much Eddie misses these eyes  'Forget it. Breakfast, getting ready, school then hospital' Then Natalia takes you away from me.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. And Buck smiles. His smile is as wide as a crack in Eddie's heart but he promises himself he doesn't have one.

@krayfish @blackberry-l @kaseysgirl86-blog @brightlyprofiling @idealuk @1stbonesfan @angryangeldreamsalad @criminally-obsessed @amelia9bl @silvergold-swirl @itsamaaaadworld @vasudharaghavan @livingonzenstreet @nothingbutmande@spanishrose6 @sunflowerdiaiz @fanf98 @logicloveandsense @simply-mev @ronordmann @still--not--over--merlin @fionaswhvre @z02fl @vanjalen

[yellowhollyhock]

We have Donny talk to his bros about SAINW but what if he talks about it with his girlfriend Angel? Imagine the angst.

awwwww yis

Angel lost her mom when she was little, her dad left. Her Gramma was grieving a daughter she'd had a rocky relationship with, and kind of old to have a little kid. The sense of abandonment and desperation to feel truly Independent and therefore Secure (can't be let down if you never rely on anyone) is strong. When Angel's struggling that's where she leans; when she's healthiest, trusting her friends is a big strength because it's a choice she's made.

So; SAINW. Donny doesn't know why he disappeared. He was already a fixer but this exacerbates a need to always have the solution because the interactions he had in that other dimension very much almost explicitly taught him that the reason for their suffering was his absence. Mikey's 'where were you,' Leo and Raph unwilling to even be near each other until they saw Don, April tells him Master Splinter and Casey (both of whom he's just learned died) never gave up on him. A sweet moment for sure but think about the young teenager processing that and incorporating it into his worldview. If you let them down they'll die believing you. It falls to you to make sure this horror future doesn't happen.

And there's not any clear specific way he can avoid it because he doesn't know what happens to him.

So being a mutant turtle Donny already wasn't planning in getting attached to anyone, y'know? I kinda think that's why he always flirts at least a little with any girl they meet, not as a deliberate thing, but meeting a new friend would always be especially exciting because of the unlikeliness, and it's very easy to develop crushes when you're so isolated, and also easy to kind of act on them if, in a way there's not a risk because you already feel sure it isn't going anywhere.

I got off topic. Telling Angel about SAINW

-scary to get attached to her because what if he disappears one day

-Angel, already protective and deeply fundamentally afraid of being left behind, learning that he might just straight up disappear one day

Also a big thing with SAINW: after realizing that specific timeline isn't happening (tunneler destroyed), and once there isn't an immediate crisis to deal with, Don's got a delayed grieving process to go through for his family from the other timeline (not that he didn't mourn before but it comes in waves). Complicated by the fact that he feels guilty for mourning his family when they're literally right there (his btts arc. unnnng).

Well it really never occurred to him to be sad for the alternate version of himself. In his mind it's all him. His disappearance, his failure, his brothers whom he led to their deaths.

Angel, the more she learns, is very much mourning for Other Donny, having no idea what happened to him but feeling pretty sure that whatever it was, he faced it alone. And yes, she is absolutely terrified that something similar could happen to her Donny.

In my mind he doesn't really sit down and tell her, but it comes up bits and pieces at a time as they talk. Like

do you want a turn in the robot suit?

nah, I've had bad experiences in robot suits, like when I got hacked and scattered Master Splinter's data bits across the internet, or when I fought the Shredder and all my brothers died. you want a soda?

I mean when you've lived through trauma it's just part of your life, y'know? Hard to remember sometimes how shocking it'll be to other people, and even then hard to figure out a way to say some things any way but bluntly

but then also of course more heartfelt moments too, like

'Wow, you always show up for me. I really appreciate how you're someone I can count on, no matter what'

(being counted on = pressure to save the world) (if she trusts him and he disappears, not only is he understanding better all the time how deeply that abandonment would hurt, he's also worried about what happened to his loved ones because of their grief for him, from his perspective)

'I. Um. Thanks. Angel, I--I don't know if I can promise anything.'

'Whoa hey it's okay, you don't have to know right now.' (thinking he means their relationship)

'No I mean. I'm really scared, I don't know what's going to happen to me'

See there's really not an unalarming way to have these conversations XD

Anyway. one more sort of vague thought. There'd probably be an occasion or two for him to explain what happened in full, but I think it would be very difficult to talk about or even necessarily remember in a clear simple way. So being that her getting close to him is some years after the incident and she's less likely than his brothers to press for details (no bro hate, they've got plenty of reasons to be protective), the SAINW info she collects is more of how he's affected and what helps than of the actual events

Like less so 'mikey lost an arm tunneler was important Karai bot repurposed April rebel leader'

More so 'if something dangerous happens on the news anywhere near my neighborhood/place if work I text Don to confirm I'm okay' 'don't leave him alone for very long ever because he literally might go time traveling or to another dimension and he's justifiably terrified of that happening without anyone knowing' 'muggy out today that always puts Don in a funk, it was probably weather like this in That Dimension, gonna buy his favorite snacks and see if I can talk him into a movie night'

Of course the actual events become more clear over time and more conversations too but Angel's learning about the emotions first and is less concerned about the facts

[houseonthemoon]

Death of a fictional character: How one characters death can ruin an entire franchise. Pt. 2

Neji x Hinata x Naruto

The fact that the writer needed Neji to die for Naruto to be with Hinata is a major red flag to me. Naruto always thought of Hinata then less of a friend and more of acquaintance nothing more and I’m not saying those feelings couldn’t have developed, but the fact that trauma was inflicted for those feelings to develop really irked me the wrong way and made it seemed rushed and rather forced. I can’t trust Naruto’s feelings when for years he goes on and on about Sakura and at the last arc it’s Hinata! It makes her look like a second choice. Now if Neji had lived I think Naruto could’ve actually gone on to be something better a stronger wiser Hokage. In Boruto he is somehow magically one of the weakest characters now in the franchise. Dare I say I would have preferred him single. To be single he could have been like Kakashi, strong and powerful, mysterious and dangerous. But no he is a neglectful father with spoiled children who I can’t stand through just clips alone . If Neji lived I actually would imagine he would have married Hinata (and no I don’t think he liked ten ten. If he did the writer may have spared him) and together they could have improved the Hyuga clan which to my knowledge hasn’t changed to this day. They would have married closed the gap and just imagine changing the clan destroying the seal mark and Neji himself could have taught his children the next generation of heirs and when Kaguya came along she could see her (x?) great grandson and just using her powers whipe away the seal mark. HOW AMAZING WOULD THAT HAVE BEEN!

(Art by unknown) Not to mention how beautiful Neji and Hinatas children would have been.

(Art by Oivsyo) Omg! The amazing potential! Many of you may think the kids now are great but are they really?

Boruto looks to much like Naruto and therefore we are reminded of the previous franchise and Himawari is basically a copy and paste of Hinata down to the hair style.

They are a perfect Carbon Copy. Not their own individual person. Sure you put a child next to its mother and you can see their similarities but never a perfect copy Boruto, with everything down to the phonetics (sounds) of his fathers name is an exact copy of his dad. We don’t see that with Naruto himself compared to his own parents. He looks and sounds different.

Now before you call me a hypocrite, It would work in the Hyuga clan because let’s be honest they all look alike. Lol

Neji could have changed the Hyuga clan, Kaguya comes along and all Hyugas could have been effected by this. A major battle perhaps where they are force to choose a side. Fight along side their ancestral princess god or protect the home they have always known. What a waste of an arc.

What do you guys think?

Edit: hey guys the colorful art Nejihina piece belongs to Oivsyo go over to their page and show some love ( I didn’t even realize it was Oivsyo) if you are the creator of the sketch leave a message so I can give you credit.

[wardlowsbabydoll]

Sis! I wouldn’t mind seeing a part two to ‘Traitor’ maybe where Christian tries to make amends with the Reader?

Honestly nonny, I wasn't even thinking about making a Part Two to 'Traitor' but now here we are!

Here you go nonny! I hope you enjoy it!

Also... sorry this took so long, I still hope you enjoy it nonny!

Traitor (Part Two)- Christian Cage

Warnings: Mentions of parental death

Word Count: 717

You managed to avoid him like the plague. If you even saw the back of his head you were already moving in the other direction. It was difficult to do, thankfully your friends in the locker room would alert you to where Christian was so you knew to avoid that area. It was hard to not talk to him. In the months that he was your mentor he grew to be one of your closest confidants. It hurt that he would use your family for cheap heat.

            You had heard from Allie that he had been looking for you so you hid in the women’s locker room, knowing that it was out of bounds and he couldn’t go in. You knew one of these days you would end up running into him, it was only inevitable.

You were also prepared for him to take his revenge on you after you spit in his face, and slapped him. When you had walked backstage the night of the ‘slap heard ‘round the world’ as the fans had dubbed it you had expected to be fined heavily, suspended and possibly even fired. When you made eye contact with Tony, Matt, and Nick they looked stunned; they didn’t know what to say to you. To your shock, you hadn’t been fined or fired, but actually praised for your gutsy move. Tony knew how sensitive a topic Luke’s death was for you and usually you were quite timid so this burst of confidence shocked them.

After being in the locker room for almost an hour you decided the coast was clear and just as you were about to duck out of there you let out a squeal when Christian seemed to appear out of nowhere. “Leave me alone.” Were the first words to come out and when you tried to shut the door he put his hand there stopping you. “I wanted to talk to you.” He said quietly, almost unsurely which was new coming from him.

“Talk about what? My father, again? About how he’s dead? About how you never really cared about us? I understand our industry and I understand where things aren’t true. But this was something that was over the line. You knew how important my dad was, not just to Jack, but to me too. How do you think my mom and Sophie felt when you told them that Jack was a piece of shit?” You said, once again trying to shut the door but it was no use because Christian kept throwing his body parts in the way.

“I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to hurt you—” you cut him off “But you did. You can’t expect me to trust you again just like that, all because you said sorry. Sorry doesn’t cut it this time.” He grabbed your arm slightly, making you flinch “Let me at least try and make it up to you, please?” You thought about it for a minute, he did seem sincere but you didn’t want to end up hurt again. Maybe keeping him at a distance wouldn’t be such a bad thing.

“Fine, but not today. Not now. I still have every right to be angry with you. I will let you know when I’m ready for you to make it up to me. Until then, please, leave me alone.” The minute you received a nod from him you shut the door in his face.

Pacing the locker room again, your mind raced a million miles per hour as so many thoughts passed through at once. The main ones being ‘How stupid can I be?’ ‘Why did I say yes?’ ‘How could you trust him so easily?’

The answer to the last one is you don’t. He taught you that you don’t just hand out your trust only to have it smashed, you make them work for it. And if they break it, they’ll have to work to gain your forgiveness. They won’t ever properly re-earn your trust, but your forgiveness is better than nothing.

Christian was telling himself that as he walked away from the women’s locker room. ‘At least she’ll forgive me.’

Two broken hearts began to mend themselves that day, they would never be perfect hearts again, but at least the pieces weren’t destroyed.

[verdantmoontruther]

i think the entire point of billy’s character was to show the results of what it’s like to go without affectionate love. like, every other character - every single other character, apart from, like, vecna, which is sort of telling - has someone that loves them for more than what they can give them. the kids have each other, and they have at least one parent, and they have siblings, and they have steve, and steve has robin and nancy and jonathan. they have people whose love for them isn’t conditional on something, on time or good behaviour or something transactional.

apart from his memories as a really young child, billy doesn’t have anything like that. he is exposed to only two kind of love: abusive love, the kind that comes with curses and slaps and fear but is “for his own good” and done “because i love you”; and sexual love, lust. to me this means that he has trouble viewing himself as a real human person: outside of what he can give (or not give) to other people, he essentially ceases to exist. no-one is there to care or worry for him just because he is there to be cared and worried about. it’s why he’s so sensitive; not empathetic, maybe, not even sympathetic, but sensitive, touchy. anything happens that feels to raw and personal and he’s in tears because he’s literally got no strength built up for that kind of thing.

that’s what made el’s little “she was really pretty” moment so pivotal; when you are starved of that essential form of love, affection, being shown even the smallest fraction of it feels like salvation, like the quenching of thirst. euphoric. someone that didn’t want anything from him seeing things from his perspective just once was enough for him to lay down his life for her. it was a moment when love was about him, rather than anybody else.

it’s very important that, when we talk about abuse, we also talk about love, because they are two sides of the same warped coin. the way that jonathan and will, despite growing up in an abusive household, are still kind and gentle, because they knew they always had someone in their corner, someone that would stand up for them and never give up, someone that kicked their piece of shit dad out of the house and could recognise her son just by his heartbeat; the way that el still gets so so angry sometimes and lashes out and attacks when she feels cornered, doesn’t know right from wrong sometimes because she was hardly taught the difference, but then suddenly there was someone there to pick her up when she was at her worst, house her and clothe her and teach her and protect her, and people who thought about her when she wasn’t there and missed her and it made her better, more perceptive, more clear headed; and the way that henry and billy never really got any of that and its absence tortured them into self destruction.

it’s like whatever but, also. food for thought