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#himself he didn’t invest his emotions and self worth in it as much as the others. he’s the only one who had more of a life outside of logan-
bestial4ngel · 1 year
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Okay but the way that so much of their lives revolved around Logan in some way or another. They weren’t close emotionally obviously, but he was always there sort of controlling or morphing their lives somehow with his decisions, his influence, his praise, his money, his disapproval and rejection. There’s a hole in the middle of Waystar now that everyone’s going to be scrambling to fill, but there’s also a similar hole in each of the kids because of how much room in their lives and their minds he had been taking up.
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caramelcactus · 1 year
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Teen William ||FNAF AU||
I can’t believe how invested I became in androids William. He was literally the most stereotypical purple guy before I decided to give this au a makeover, and here I am completely changing William from murderous tyrant into harmless mentally unstable mess and actually GIVING him a background
So
William was born in Hurricane and raised in authoritarian family, though with high standards. He grew up obedient and well behaved kid with perfect grades and just all perfect because of a pressure and control from his overbearing family to be the best. The whole «this is our house our rules you’re going to obey them» lasted only while he was a child. Can't say they were necessarily abusive, but still...meh, emotional pressure sucks. There is actually a deep layered drama going on inside his family behind the impression of “completely normal just strict family" that I’ll explain later because:
1. this post is not about it
2. I don’t want to put too much info
But it’s still worth to mention that it’s a bad marriage and William’s birth was supposed to save/keep it, so in addition to everything William was burdened with a role of a fixer. He faced criticism of his choices and questioning of his motives when his way of thinking didn’t match his parents(aka almost always), and even with guilt tripping to comply with their wishes. I mentioned in very first posts that William has BPD, but his mental health was obviously ignored while he was with his family so he didn’t even know about his condition as it was worsening
During high school era William’s rebellious spirit began to emerge as he started pursuing adrenaline and freedom as well as going against his family’s authority after being suffocated and controlled his entire life. A desire for changes and independency mixed with a self-destructive behavior drew a large wedge in his relationship with family. Without his family knowing he worked on part-time job to earn enough money to stop being financially dependent. At 17 he bought a used motorcycle from one of his acquaintances, left Hurricane and moved to Las Vegas(I needed bigger city for this AU. Hurricane is just... bruh). There he enrolled in uni for the robotics course. William had been working night shift as a security guard to afford life. As he accessed to freedom he became completely unmanageable. He could go for a risky stuff like stealing just to amuse himself
He interned in android industry, and after graduating with the highest ranking degree he was immediately hired by it. During internship he met Henry who was already working there, and they quickly became fast friends. Their bond is very strong, almost like siblings. Henry was the first person who gave William support and whom William could finally trust. Henry was fascinated with William’s talent and willfulness so they teamed up to develop androids with unique realistic designs and highly advanced functionality so it would blow away the market. His skills eventually made him known as one of the most professional engineers and programmers. Springbonnie and Fredbear were the first androids he built, that’s why Spring is so special to him to this day
William is 27-28 years old in present days. Henry is older than him by two years
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yourlocaltreesimp · 10 months
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>:)
This is my linksona/Au. There are two in here, neither are named, but I love them! Lemme know if you want official stories for em’
─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
So the concept for this one is a modern (ish) au of sometime early 2000. He’s a bit of a goof, in a semi popular band as their bassist, and horribly traumatised when a rip in his reality occurs. This did name gannon (what kinda name is that??) declares that he’s his mortal enemy. There’s all the classic zelda enemies and ganon even puppets around all his friends for a bit because the emotional damage is worth it. His character arch would be learning how and when is best to invest himself and learning which battles he needs to loose, as well as finding his footing.
Your phone buzzes on your eyeshadow stained dresser. You pick it up and flip up the top, holding it to your ear.
“Everyone shut up- Hi (name)!!!” Links voice was distorted over the speaker, but no less enthusiastic. You heard the teasing chatter of his band mates in the background, the usual screaming banter
“Hi!!” You responded with equal enthusiasm, trying your hardest not to let your phone drop from in between your ear and shoulder as you teased your hair
“You’re still coming to the concert tonight, right” If his phone had a cord, you could imagine him twirling it. The thought made you laugh.
“Damn right I am.” Your hair was about done, could use some more volume, but there’s only so much hairspray you could spray in a given room before you felt dizzy. You practically begun to rip clothes out of your closet in hopes of finding an outfit, “I still get front row, right?”
“Of course” He’d have let you sit on the stage if you asked.
“And backstage? I hope i can see these fangirls of yours” He groans, already tired of the thought.
“God don’t even-“ You cackle, smudging your black eyeshadow as you lined around your eyes. You eyes his jacket, honestly surprised that he didn’t notice you took it. “Look- I gotta go,” you could hear him getting screamed at through the speaker as you shrugged the large coat on “But i’ll see you soon, alright?”
“Of course.” But the next time he’d see you, you’d be strung up like a puppet. Limbs snapped unregularly as you were paraded around. You did not deserve such a fate. No one in this cruel cycle did.
─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
Now this next one is a little new as far as concepts. This link is send through to the land of the moon by Hylia, sent to either make the walkers of that land repent for their sins, or die. They’re a byproduct of ganons remaining malice after he died and brought to life by hylias counterpart called Akina. It’s only when he’s tainted by the malice that he realises how badly blinded he was. He’s got some religious trauma
This world was filthy. The people were rude and impish and those who weren’t wallowed in such self pity that it wasn’t worth saving them. There was no sun to guide him here, he could not hear hylia’s orders as he once did. But still, he felt her eyes, ensuring he was following orders, safe. He looked down in the mirror pond and saw his world in the reflections. The right world. Hylia was right for wishing this realm ripped apart, there was no divinity here. Akina was a poor excuse of a goddess and a traitor to her sister. But it was this reliance on his goddess that got him here. Her light blinded his vision, and with no voice to guide him, he was left without awareness. The knife sunk into his back, and he felt himself wither.
“Hey, hey!” A voice faded into his mind. He felt horrible. He felt… pain. He shouldn’t feel pain. Only sinners felt pain. And yet he felt the burning of his blood and the hollowness of hunger- he was impure. He opened his eyes to see you looking down at him, eyebrows furrowed and silver eyes bearing i to him. They felt… calm. No longer eerie. Perhaps he could lead you into the light. “Are you…” Your voice was beautiful, he fixed on your words more than he ever did to anyone “You’re the hero” He sat up and clawed at his head. There was no presence there. He could not feel hylias gaze anymore. “That can’t be right… You’re” You tilt your head and examine him. He feels his blood rush, he feels the world around him. “You’re like us”
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majorgammage · 2 years
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My husband wondering why I’m on my phone at 3am typing away: …What if she’s talking to other guys?
Me in my iPhone notes:
—-
How lgbt+ friendly are Stardew Valley folks anyway? A breakdown of suspected character philosophies:
Objectively homophobic, repeats shitty takes on “woke culture” they heard on a podcast: Pam, Alex
Tries to debate biological sex but only cites sources 20+ years out of date: Gunther
Straight until further notice, gets your pronouns right but still calls you ugly to your face: Haley
Accidentally homophobic, but gets too defensive to learn from it: Clint
Trans and living her best life: Sandy
Also trans, has some serious work to do on himself: Shane
Educates you on ten different cultures’ worth of ideas on gender and sexuality from his travels but never talks about himself: Linus
Has enjoyed many whirlwind romances in his life and claims it doesn’t really matter as long as you’re enjoying the adventure: Professor Snail
Doesn’t have a problem with gay people but still insists they just didn’t “have those” in his day: George
Doesn’t understand what the big deal is, claims everyone knows women are just more attractive. Thinks it would be neat to live with your bff 24/7. Keeps a framed picture of her best friend on her nightstand: Evelyn
Desperately wants to be bisexual for the aesthetic, but she’s just an awkward ally—still wears a lot of rainbows and a she/her pronoun pin at work: Emily
Pansexual, but only likes you if you own a sword (WILL critique how you hold it): Abigail
Queer bffs club, everyone’s tried to date at some point but they’re not really compatible with each other or anyone else in town, so they just meet up and talk shit at the saloon: Elliot, Leah, Penny
Undecided, too busy working and being edgy to care much anyway: Sebastian
Straight, genuinely invested in getting your pronouns right—honestly one of the safest bets in town if he can get out of his parents’ house: Sam
Starts the local Gay-Straight Alliance chapter the minute Sam starts wearing nail polish. Still learning but means well: Jodi
Trying to be supportive of whatever, secretly scared Sebastian is making his son gay: Kent
Devout Yoba follower who claims to welcome everyone but definitely has Opinions despite needing a literal she-shed to escape the mundanities of her own hetero marriage: Caroline
Flies rainbow flags everywhere in June, but only to capitalize on profits: Pierre
Gay but still a shitty person, votes conservative: Morris
Kissed a guy in college but pretty sure it isn’t for him, reminds you to get tested regularly and always use protection no matter who you’re with: Harvey
Gray ace, exclusively reads queer monsterfucker fanfic and scientific journals, might consider a relationship with the right person/machine: Maru
Bisexual, needs marriage counseling in a bad way: Robin
Asexual/aromantic, self-therapized into that realization late in life but hasn’t ever discussed how that might affect, you know, his wife: Demetrius
Emotional support straight/designated mom friend: Marnie
Not gay but supportive, does a lot of extracurricular reading to support Marnie and Shane: Mayor Lewis
Husbands of 20+ years: Gil and Marlon
Former leather club gods, occasional hookups with Gil and Marlon: Willy, Grandpa
Owned the leather club, may or may not have participated: Gus
Reproduces asexually so can’t comprehend the conversation: Dwarf
Non-binary king: Krobus
Love is love, and that’s all she has to say about that: Birdie
Doesn’t really do labels, only requirement is that you’re into smooth jazz: The Bouncer
Somehow transcended gender and achieved true peace, but is gatekeeping the secret: Mr. Qi
Just here for the soup: The Governor
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devildomdisaster · 3 years
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Can you do the first choice with Satan if possible? Love your work <3
Satan is Mc's first choice
Content warnings: None
Mc/ reader is Gender neutral
Lucifer:
Lucifer is pleased Satan finally has something that is uniquely his. Something he can’t compare to what Lucifer himself has. He sees the way Satan lights up around you. His carefully controlled expression slipping from his face and making Satan look altogether more innocent.
While Lucifer is happy for Satan, he also wishes that you would have chosen him. He knows he isn’t the easiest demon to be around, but Mc, he would have tried for you. But then, that’s the difference, he supposes. Satan doesn’t have to try. It just happens, he becomes free around you in a way no one has ever seen Satan be before.
“Morning Lucifer!” you chirp on your way past him.
He looks at you suspiciously, you are clearly hiding something behind your back and he sighs warningly, “Mc…”
“Have you seen Satan? I have a surprise for him!”
Lucifer knows he is creating more trouble for his future self but points you in Satan’s direction anyway. He regrets his lapse in judgment almost instantly when he hears a distinct meow and your quiet murmurs shushing it in response. You’ve brought Satan a cat. And if it’s a gift from you there is no way Satan is going to give it up.
Mammon:
Ok, Mammon is so in love with you Mc. Everyone knows it. But he also loves his family more than anything. He knows that Satan has always been the odd one out. He didn’t experience the Celestial realm or the rebellion or the fall. There is a lot that the other brothers went through that Satan missed out on. Not all of them were good experiences but still, they were experiences that brought them closer together. So seeing you favor Satan is both a hardship and a relief.
It’s good to see Satan so interested in another’s wellbeing. The way Satan treats you reminds Mammon of the way his brothers behaved when they were angels. He is so soft around you. He could have you wrapped around his finger in an instant but he doesn’t. Instead, he lets himself be wrapped around yours. Mammon knew from the first time he saw you hide behind Satan and watched the protective stance he took in front of you that no matter how much he loved you, for Satan’s sake he would content himself with just being friends.
Levi
Jealous. So very very jealous. He tries not to be but why not him Mc? It’s just not fair! Levi knows how his sin can come across to others so he tends to avoid you. He doesn’t want his jealousy to affect you or your relationship with Satan, so it’s easier to remove himself from the situation. For a while, you think Levi hates you and he’s content to let you think that. But he still cares about you and about Satan, so eventually, he’ll start trying to deal with his jealousy in other ways. If he can’t be your favorite at least he gets to be friends with you.
“Levi! You won’t believe what happened at RAD today! Oh! But I’ve got to tell Satan first!” You are so excited that you don’t stop to realize the effect your words have on Levi. And he has to fight off his envy.
But oh well, at least you want to tell him too. He’ll just have to wait until you find Satan first. “He’s in the library Mc. But once you tell him you’ve got to come back and tell me too, I’m curious now.”
Asmo
Asmo sort of understands why you’d pick Satan. Asmo still thinks he’s the best but Satan isn’t a bad choice either. Plus you do get along surprisingly well with Satan. He's even seen Satan reading aloud to you with your head in his lap! In the middle of the living room no less! No one has ever seen Satan in such a vulnerable position before. What right does Asmo have to interfere with something so unexpected? He gets the feeling, and Asmo is seldom wrong about this sort of thing, that Satan is just as in love with you as you are with him. He finds it part sickening and part adorable.
If you need advice about Satan, Asmo is your demon. He is almost as invested in your relationship as you are. He also loves to help you pick out outfits for dates you or Satan are planning. And you trust him with this, so the way he sees it the two of you still get to spend plenty of time together.
“Oh, Mc!” Asmo sings “Satan would just love to see you in these cat ears!”
“A-Asmo! No way. I can’t just waltz into the house of lamentation with cat ears! It’d be too embarrassing!”
Asmo shrugs but doesn’t miss the fact that you put the cat ear headband in your shopping cart anyways. Nor do you miss the smug look on Asmo's face after you listen to his advice.
Satan
He’s surprised. Most of what he’s known until now has been stained with carefully controlled wrath. His brothers know that his smile is often concealing something much darker, and Satan himself knows exactly how dark his hidden thoughts are. But you come along and change everything. Being born from another’s anger he never expected to be capable of feeling more than surface-level emotions and underlying wrath. And while that initial expectation did fade over time he has always been careful to control his emotions. But around you, he feels so free. Like all the bad, dark feelings he has got replaced by something bright. Satan is often more reserved than his brothers, so he is surprised you know him, understand him, so intimately.
Being your favorite is deeply satisfying. Part of him wants to use this to make his brothers (Lucifer) jealous. But he finds he cares for you too much to use you against Lucifer. Satan revels in the pure feelings of affection you invoke in him. There is very little he won't do for you once he realizes his feelings for you are returned.
He is almost too smug when you skip past all of his brothers after a long day at RAD “Read to me?” you ask curling under the arm he is using to hold his book.
“It’s in Latin,” he murmurs. Eyes barely leaving the page.
“So?”
“So I'll translate for you.” he fake sighs, while stroking your hair. He pointedly ignores the shocked looks his brothers are shooting the two of you and begins reading to you.
Beel
Beel is a little sad, but he is mostly happy for Satan. He, perhaps more than any of the others, realizes that while Satan is as much part of their family as anyone else he has struggled to feel as closely bonded as the rest of them. Beel knows that Satan sometimes feels like he doesn’t belong due to the way he was created. It’s ridiculous, of course, but that doesn’t change the way someone feels.
Beel has a hunch that being your favorite might help Satan stop questioning his worth as part of their family. Beel can’t help but smile when he sees you favor Satan. You’ll wait for him to walk back from RAD, and go straight to him when you have good news. You remind Beel a little bit of a puppy. This isn’t to say Beel doesn’t wish he was your favorite instead, he just thinks you and Satan are cute together.
Belphie:
Didn’t Satan almost kill you once, Mc? Sure Lucifer stopped him in time, but really, have you forgotten that so quickly? Or do you just like Satan enough to ignore it? Belphie is a fair bit upset that you chose Satan despite the fact that he tried to kill you too.
Belphie feels like he missed out on getting to know you while he was in the attic. It’s not fair that his brothers got so much time to win you over. And by the time he left the attic, you had already chosen a favorite. He feels like he didn’t get a fair chance. But oh well, with the amount of time you spend ‘pestering’ Satan perhaps he dodged a bullet, he’d hardly get any time to nap around you.
Truthfully Belphie is a little bitter. But as part of the ‘Lucifer sucks’ club Belphie is begrudgingly happy for Satan. Besides it’s become increasingly easy to rope you into pulling pranks on Lucifer so perhaps Satan being your favorite isn’t so bad.
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miekasa · 4 years
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fluff alphabet: levi ackerman
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↯ pairing: levi ackerman x (fem) reader
↯ genres and warnings: modern au, fluff…. obviously, no real warnings i don’t think, oh spoilers for his ova? 
↯ word count: 3k lol don’t ask me how
↯ notes: i was going to take requests for this for valentine’s day, but i figured i’d just do them all in one post lolol. i feel like i haven’t posted for levi in a while, so here we go
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Activities — What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?
If you ask Levi to do something, there’s a good chance he’ll try it at least once for you. Unless it’s something he’s said he explicitly dislikes or doesn’t want to partake in, he’d gladly try it out with you.
He strikes me as the kind of person to like trying new restaurants. Not necessarily the trendy or popular or exclusive ones; but local places with good recommendations or reviews.
Down for late night drives, but you have to be the one driving. He’ll drive if you become too tired, but he prefers to sit in the passenger seat and just let you take him wherever. He doesn’t mind, and it’s a sign he trusts you.
I also think museum dates would be some thing he enjoys. Not history museums—I feel like the concept of stolen artifacts on display would piss him off more than anything lol—but art museums. That’s not to say he’s extremely into art, but I think something about a museum environment is somewhat calming to him. He doesn’t mind.
One more activity I would say suits him is watching movies or shows together. Levi’s the kind of guy that catches you watching a series and expresses how it looks stupid or boring at first, but still hovers around and backseat watches it anyway. After a while, he just gives up and starts actively watching it with you and becomes invested. He just won’t admit it.
Beauty — What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?
In the least cheesy way possible, everything. Levi sees people, and his s/o in particular, as a whole person, rather than the sum of their parts. He understands that everything about you—physical, emotional, or otherwise—contributes to the person he loves. There’s something to appreciate about all of it at different times.
He’d probably admire and/or find little habits you have beautiful in some way or another. Probably things you might not even notice about yourself unless he pointed them out to you.
Personality wise, he’d admire it if his s/o were blunt and/or the kind of person to stick up for themselves or their friends. A little bit assertive; not going out of your way to make other people feel small or be rude, but simply refusing to shrink to make room for others.
Physically, again, I don’t think he has a preference for most anything, but if I had to pick, I’d say he’s a thigh/ass guy.
Comfort — How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack, etc.?
Levi is observant, so he would be able to tell when you’re struggling perhaps before you’re ready to realize it yourself, and long before you’re about to burst.
However, he would ask you how he can help. For as observant as he is, he’s also not a mind reader, and if there’s something specific he can get you, he would want to know, even if it’s seemingly small or superficial.
He would be pretty proactive about it, too. The second he figures out how he can help, he’s on it. You need a new desk to work from home? He’ll have it built by that weekend. You’re feeling overwhelmed and behind on your tasks? He’s already doing the ones he can do without your help.
He does his best to try and help you relax if the issue is a stressor, and if he could, he would eradicate the root of the stress from your life completely. Unfortunately, in the real world, that’s not always possible, but it’s nice to know that he’s willing. 
The other obvious answer is tea, but allow me to expand it more generally to food. Going along with the theme of acts of service being his love language, Levi would try to provide the basic necessities for you in order to allow to focus on solving your problems and/or feeling better. If not worrying about dinner is one thing that can help you, Levi’s happy to cook for you.
Dreams — How do they picture their future with their s/o?
Simple, but fulfilled. Levi just wants to be happy—to have someone to care for, and to have someone who will care for him.
Truthfully, I don’t think he’d mind children later down the road, and I think he would be a good parent. It might not be something he talks about outright at first, but as time progresses, and perhaps the timing becomes right, it’d be something he would want to consider.
Equal — Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?
It’s equal. Levi doesn’t want to have more power, nor does he want to be passive. However, there are things he doesn’t mind handing over to you, and conversely, responsibilities he doesn’t mind taking on himself.
Compromise would be a big part in the relationship—not for the sake of compromising on your dreams or ambitions, but rather, to reach a middle ground if there’s any kind of argument.
I think it’s a give and take with him. And I don’t think he would want it to be any other way. He doesn’t strike me as someone who’s on either polar end.
Fight — Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?
When you do fight, it’s a lot of pointed frustration. He doesn’t raise his voice, but he can get snippy, and a little closed off—speaking in clipped sentences, using underhanded phrases, focusing on past points. What drives him crazy is the aftermath of the fight, and if you give him the silent treatment, he’s bound to crack much sooner than later.
He’s quite easy to forgive. Canonically, he doesn’t like to fight with his friends or the people he cares about, and he would rather reach a solution as quickly as possible.
We saw that with Isabel and Farlan, despite the way he was firm on his decision for them to stay behind, they were able to break his resolve pretty quickly. He cares a lot about the people in his life, and I don’t think he’d like to go long with a riff between him and you. Especially if he thinks he might regret not talking to you about it sooner.
He’s one to keep a promise, but not to hold a grudge. That is to say, he understands that forgiveness goes both ways, and to work in a healthy relationship, both parties have to forgive themselves and each other at some point.
Gratitude — How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?
Yes and no. It might take a minute for Levi to understand the depth of your actions—especially the ones that appear more mundane or are not as explicitly romantic.
Once he does, he is very aware of them, and as such, if very grateful. He didn’t every really think he’d be able to create and be apart of the kind of loving relationship the two of you have. He really cherishes it.
Honesty — Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?
He has secrets by way of omission. He doesn’t lie to keep things hidden from you, but sometimes he doesn’t tell everything about himself, especially towards the start of your relationship.
It’s not always with malicious or even self-protective intent. He just doesn’t share because he doesn’t think it’s important, or that you might care. If you pry long enough or insist that you want to know just to know and because you care, then he’s happy to share.
As previously mentioned, it might take him a while to realize just how much you care about him, and his past and interests by extension. 
Inspiration — Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?
As your relationship progresses Levi comes to learn that you genuinely find him attractive not just physically, but emotionally and psychologically. That you actually want to know him and that he’s worth knowing.
So, his biggest change is in the way he approaches his thoughts about himself and his self worth. But he also begins to pick up on your habits, your interests, and tries to understand your general approach to life, too.
He would probably change you in some ways, too. Most notably in the way you organize and clean your space, probably. He’s not sorry about it.
Jealousy — Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?
No, he doesn’t. To him, jealously would imply that someone has something he wants. Firstly, you’re not an object to him, and secondly, he has you. There’s nothing more to it.
He’s not childish, nor is he out of check with his emotions, so he wouldn’t lash out on you, especially if it’s not your fault. In his small momentary slips, you wouldn’t even have noticed he was jealous at all.
He wouldn’t like it if someone was repeatedly making advances on you, especially if you’ve explicitly told them off/they were making you uncomfortable. In situations like that, he would simply try to get the both of you out of there/away from the person as quickly as possible.
There’s also an element of trust to this with Levi. He wouldn’t expect you to try and make him jealous out of spite; and he would trust that you wouldn’t play on the advances of other people if you notice them.
Kiss — Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?
He is a good kisser. Mainly because he’s very perceptive to what you want and how to give it you.
The first kiss was sweet. Knowing Levi, there was probably quite the build up to it, so even if it was sweet and innocent, there was a layer of tension and a crash of emotions coming forward in the moment. It was memorable, to say the least.
Love Confession — How would they confess to their s/o?
I have imagined this time and time again… and I think it really depends on the foundation of your relationship/friendship with him before.
In the most generic scenario, it would probably be a little backwards—you would have, intentionally or not, gone on some dates before he realized what his feelings really were, and then take it from there.
If you were friends for a while before hand, it can probably go the implicit dating route—that is you’re both exclusively emotionally invested in each other, and basically involved in most relationship aspects without having realized it or put a label on it. You kind of naturally morph into a relationship, and it probably takes a verbal confession or kiss or two to solidify it.
It can also go the sexual tension route, and one day one of you finally snaps and makes a move. The verbal confession would come in the aftermath, but your actions will have solidified and expressed your feelings long before that.
Marriage — Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?
Again, yes and no. Without taking into account the legal aspects, the actual concept of marriage is that juxtaposition of sweet and powerful that Levi likes; the idea of devoting yourself to someone and receiving a special kind of love for the rest of your life.
And while all of that is beautiful to him, there are the unfortunate cultural norms or marriage, especially in a modern au. The legality of it all, especially the financial defaults, would be a headache. Not to mention all the fluff and grandeur and gender expectations about it. He thinks all of that fucking sucks.
Above all, he doesn’t get why people expect him to pay for what’s basically an expensive document that tells the federal government he lives with you and loves you. He could do that without them in his business.
If you want to get married, then the proposal is sweet. Intimate, and probably a call back to something in your relationship, or a significant date/event for the both of you. He wouldn’t dare do it in public or even involve anybody else, other than maybe asking a friend or two.
Marriage with Levi is much like being in a long-term relationship with him. The way he acts in marriage isn’t exponentially different than the way he had been acting as your boyfriend. It’s all still very quiet, very sweet, very domestic.
Nicknames — What do they call their s/o?
He calls you by your name, unless you ask him to call you by something else. He might call you by an actual nickname, that is a shortened version of your name, if that’s the name you usually go by.
He’s not big on pet names and they slip out from time to time, but not in place of your actual name on an every day basis. If anything, he calls your name with a very unique tone to his voice. He rarely calls for anybody else with the same tone and/or emotion.
On Cloud Nine — What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?
It’s not… not obvious to his friends, but he doesn’t look like he’s been shot by cupids arrow or anything. If you know Levi, you might pick up on the fact that he seems a bit happier, less stressed, has taken up new hobbies/habits, etc. But there’s not he’s not shitting rainbows and sunshine all of a sudden.
Love is very personal and intimate for him. He would do his best to express to you that he loves you and loves the love he receives from you, but he doesn’t feel that everyone else needs to know.
So, it’s somehow simultaneously noticeable and unnoticeable when you’re together in the presence of other people.
PDA — Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss when others are watching?
Levi isn’t big on PDA. He’s not hiding your relationship, but he doesn’t care to boast it to every person he meets, either. If somebody asks him, he’ll happily say that he’s in a relationship, but he doesn’t bring it forward himself.
He’s not hiding it or shy, but he doesn’t feel the need to be all over you in public. He doesn’t anything to prove to anybody. Besides, nobody wants to see that shit. He knows he wouldn’t.
There are some displays of affection, though. Hand holding isn’t abnormal, though likely not in a casual space with your friends or family. He’ll brush is hand along your arm when he’s walking past you, might ruffle your hair if the occasion calls for it, squeeze your thigh under the table.
Quirk — Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.
He’s canonically good at math. This comes in handy when you’re at restaurants and trying to calculate a tip quickly. Somehow, he knows how to figure out 18% of your bill in 3 seconds flat.
It also comes in handy when you’re trying to organize things. Along with math comes a pretty good understanding of spatial reasoning. Somehow Levi is always able to put away your left overs using the smallest and least amount of tupperware possible. It’s kind of ridiculous, he might be a wizard.
Romance — How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?
In the traditional sense, he might not appear romantic, but he’s the kind of person to say or do or gift little things that would take a much deeper romantic understanding of his partner than some grand, generic act like buying a thousand roses.
His romance is tailored to you and your relationship, not general expectations of what it means to be “romantic.”
Support — Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?
Levi is very devoted to you, so if you ask for his help, or he can help without stepping on your toes, he will. He wants you to not only succeed, but feel fulfilled through your achievements, and he’s happy to help you get there.
He believes in you wholeheartedly. If it’s something you really want, Levi wouldn’t dare doubt that you could achieve it.
Thrill — Do they need to try out new things to spice up your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?
He doesn’t feel the need to try out new things based on expectations, but if you want to try something, or if he wants to try something, you can have a conversation about it, and eventually try it out.
There’s a sort of established routine in a domestic sense; a sharing of a mutual space and the behaviors associated with that. But there’s not, like, established date nights or “week-a-versaries.”
In that sense, he can be pretty spontaneous; bringing up new places to go or activities to try when the idea strikes him. But I suppose it’s never something… too adventurous? Not dangerous, at least lololol, he’s not going to randomly suggest you go skydiving as a bonding exercise. 
Understanding — How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?
Very well. Levi kind of makes you his business—in the most non-intrusive way possible. He’s perceptive and picks up on things about you with relative ease, and genuine interest.
He can predict how you might respond in a situation with pretty good accuracy, can guess what you might pick off the menu at a new restaurant, if given a choice has a good sense of which option you’ll choose. Very much a “I knew you would say that/do that, I don’t know why I even asked,” kind of person once he gets to know you. 
He can be pretty empathetic, and I think he would be in a relationship.
Value — How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?
Your relationship is pretty damn important to Levi, and he devotes a significant amount of time and attention to it. Not in the place of giving time for himself, his friends, family or interests; but he is very much devoted to you.
However, he’s not the type to give up solid opportunities (ex: financial, for his family/mom, career-wise) for the sake of a relationship, especially if he’s not in the position to do so; and he wouldn’t want you to give up exceptional opportunities that align with your goals for him either.
Everything is relative in that sense, I suppose. He cares for you, deeply, and knows that you do, too. That, contrary to popular belief, is what enables you both to be strong enough to bend and not break.
Wild Card — A random fluff head canon.
I’ll give you a few :)
If you want him to, Levi will do your hair for you, and he’s pretty fucking good at it, too; hair type or texture be damned, he’ll take his time with it, and do it well for you.
When he’s alone, Levi hums himself to sleep. Usually singing/humming his mother’s favorite songs and/or songs he remembers hearing as a child.
He always gives you the lighter bags when you take your groceries upstairs/into your house. He doesn’t tell you, but he knows you don’t like to ‘make’ him do all the work.
He always makes dinner if he gets home before you.
He’s a pretty good artist, and has even drawn you once. He’s never told you or shown you, but he keeps the picture folded up in his wallet. Or behind his phone case.
XOXO — Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?
Affectionate in private, yes. He doesn’t mind it if you’re all over him, and truthfully, has his moments where he’s shamelessly all over you, too. Especially in the morning, he’s a cuddle bug.
Kisses are always good, he would never oppose them. He’s quite easy to persuade with kisses, actually. And most physical touches; he doesn’t get them often, so he kind of melts when he does. 
Cuddles, too. Again, all of this is private and in the comfort of your own home. His favorite way to cuddle is to either have you completely on top of him, or to lay his head in your lap. Because he loves the feeling of you playing with his hair.
Yearning — How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?
Levi will take part in things you like or things you’ve claimed in your shared space.
For example, he might find himself eating your favorite foods more often, sitting on the spot on the couch your sit in most often, rolling over to your side of the bed in his sleep.
He also likes to look back on pictures of the two of you. He doesn’t particularly like to be photographed, but he likes having these physical memories of your relationship, so he’ll indulge you when you want to take a picture together. And they come in real handy during times like this.
Zeal — Are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind of?
Levi will definitely put up a fight for you, so long as it’s mutual. He wouldn’t pour his effort into someone or a relationship in which he feels like he’s not receiving the same.
I’m not sure what great lengths there would be to go to in a modern au, but he definitely believes that relationships are hard work, and as such, is prepared to put in the work when things get hard. He’s not a quitter, and he knows that love is foundation and requires time and energy.
He cares about you too much to let you go without reason.
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mybrotherinkarkat · 2 years
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Make Him Pay
Or: How Hussie sets you up to not root for Tavros
Who a writer chooses to give screen time to, whose backstory gets explored, often sways the audience. The more you see them, learn about them, the more emotionally invested in them you get. So when there's a conflict between characters, the author can sway their audience’s sympathies to one side or another just by showing one side more. Hussie does this in the Make Her Pay storyline, prioritizing exploring Vriska and Terezi’s characters and intertwined histories. You could be forgiven for caring more about them than Aradia or Tavros, because the story cares more about them too. However, it is my opinion that choosing to explore Team Scourge more than Team Charge resulted in a blase acceptance of cruel and violent ableism. It had to be accepted, or else how can you sympathize with her? Vriska’s story is the story of an abuser. Tavros’ story is that of a victim. It matters whose story got told and whose didn’t 
Throughout Homestuck we are shown that Terezi and Vriska were childhood friends, that their vicious FLARPing duo was an unstoppable force, and that they were close. We are shown how brutally that friendship shatters in the wake of Vriska paralyzing Tavros and killing Aradia. We are shown how it haunts them both, how intertwined they still are. We see what happens when Terezi is forced to kill Vriska to save their whole group, how it destroys her self worth. We see what a dying Terezi would choose to fix when she’s given the chance to rewrite history: she would stop herself killing Vriska. We are shown an emotional reunion between ghost versions of them, hugging as paradox space shatters around them. We are shown their friendship
Meanwhile, I sometimes forget Tavros and Aradia were friends because so little time is spent on them. We’re told they’re friends, and we’re shown a bit of the bond between them in Aradia’s reactions to Vriska paralyzing Tavros, but that so quickly gets swept away into the revenge cycle and Tavros falls to the wayside. We don’t really see them interacting much beyond that, and their stories stop being intertwined. How can you care about a friendship between two characters if it’s barely there to begin with?
However, Aradia herself goes on to outshine Tavros. In the iconic [S] Make Her Pay animation, she brutally beats Vriska to death. She’s given a badass vengeance sequence, but what does Tavros get? He gets to carry Vriska’s dying body to her quest bed, and be unable to kill her. Tavros becomes little more than a set piece for Vriska’s story for a good chunk of the narrative. His most explored relationship is with her
Think about it, who is Tavros close to? He was close to Aradia before her death, but that never picks up again. There’s the implication of a romance between him and Gamzee, but it’s not expanded on. He’s friends with Kanaya??? I think??? She gives him self confidence advice, but she also saws his legs off without his consent, so that one’s tricky. Vriska is the one constant in Tavros’ life, and she’s violently and cruelly ableist to him from start to finish. Even his big triumph at the end, the culmination of his character arc, is about proving himself to her
But he never needed to prove himself. The narrative implies that Vriska was right all along, that Tavros was weak and needed to be bullied and abused into becoming strong. That’s ableist. (And don’t try to tell me it’s not because Vriska is disabled too, google lateral violence if you don't get it). I’m not a mind reader, I can’t tell you what Hussie was thinking when they wrote the comic. Maybe this was all unintentional. But it’s there regardless, and should be grappled with
Because you could write a version of Make Her Pay that centered on Tavros. On a kid who was just happily enjoying a hobby when someone else decided to turn his life upside down just because she thought he needed to be tougher. A kid who suddenly found himself without his best friend or the use of his legs. Give me Tavros mourning a friend whose ghost he can still talk to, even if she’s not the same. Give me Tavros and Sollux mourning together. Give me Tavros trying to navigate getting used to being disabled and using a wheelchair while also struggling not to let his self-esteem collapse under the continued and relentless bullying from the girl who did this to him. Give me him realizing that Vriska’s definition of strong was never important, that he never needed to measure up to her standards. Give me a story where he accepts that he didn’t deserve this, that it was never his fault, that he didn’t need to be changed to be worthwhile. Give me a story about Tavros
And look, this is just my opinion. I don’t like the writing choice Hussie made, and I would’ve made a different one. If you disagree, that’s fine. We’re analyzing Homestuck in 2022, we can just give each other a casual head nod and agree to disagree about this weird piece of media that somehow means a lot to us. But I feel so strongly about this because I relate to Tavros, even more so now that I’m physically disabled myself. Reading chatlogs between him and Vriska is painful because the way she talks to him is so awfully familiar. I know a lot of people relate to Vriska’s story of attempting to gain redemption, but I relate to Tavros’ story of being beaten down for not being what someone else wanted him to be
I wanted a story about Tavros. Instead, I got one about his abuser
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tobi-smp · 3 years
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I was thinking about it while I was in the shower, so here’s another Hot Take on the discussion on whether we can (or should) consider technoblade as abusive
a lot of interactions between technoblade and other characters are difficult to gauge because c!techno obviously isn’t honest about his feelings at all times On Top Of cc!techno Very Rarely If Ever being completely in character, including and especially with very serious lore scenes. so how we’re meant to take anything he does or says is hard to parse, especially with the knowledge that other creators can take scenes seriously and incorporate it into their lore even if it wasn’t the intention at the time (like jack’s death at tommy’s hands during exile).
(technoblade has only recently come out to state that he’s intentionally playing his side of the story lighter to give people a break from the heavy angst in the rest of the server, but that’s hardly new. he broke the tension all the time during his partnership with tommy, namely with the confrontation with dream at the portal and tommy and tubbo’s first reunion, but it was even noticeable with doomsday, his perspective is a Palpably different tone from Anyone on the l’manberg side of things. which can make some Very interesting inconsistencies when it’s directly slammed into tommy’s more serious roleplaying style.)
you can Easily read him as Either a purely opportunistic character who uses the guise of being deeply emotionally wounded as a justification for Horrific Violence when he was never that emotionally invested in the first place Or a character that is rarely if ever honest and open with his feelings, who hurts other people by accident by trying to downplay his own vulnerability who is Nevertheless deeply emotionally invested in and impacted by the people around him. both interpretations can be soundly backed up by what we’ve been given and we can’t really discount the other reading because of the semi-canoncity of whatever technoblade does. we aren’t really gonna know unless technoblade himself decides to address it specifically.
so with that in mind, I want to take a second to take a more charitable reading, not as an argument that technoblade’s relationship with tommy Wasn’t unhealthy (because it objectively was no matter the reading of his intentions) but to ground the overall conversation a little bit here.
this, I think, is where the nuance in the intersection between “technoblade didn’t have the full picture of what happened with dream and tommy” and “technoblade knew enough to know that what he did on doomsday was wrong” Matters. 
if we read technoblade as a character that genuinely cares but either chooses not to or doesn’t know How to express those emotions in a healthy productive way (“tsundereblade” ala the scene of ranboo giving techno the axe) Combined With techno’s very dry sense of humor then it Is very possible to read some of the more uh, Unfortunate things that he’s said in a different light. which doesn’t excuse them by any means, people hurting their friends by not being emotionally honest or through jokes that hit harder than intended happens all the time and it’s the responsibility of that friend to apologize and change their behavior. but at the same time, people can’t actually change their behavior if they don’t know that what they’ve done is wrong.
we need to keep in mind that: - both technoblade And tommy express their affection with their friends by ribbing them. making fun of each other Is a sign of affection for them. if we’re meant to read that as part of their characters then it may not be entirely fair to say that technoblade should’ve known that putting tommy down was going to hurt him
- technoblade knows (or assumes) that dream wants to kill tommy and he knows that tommy has trauma. but technoblade Doesn’t know that dream systematically destroyed tommy’s self confidence to the point of being suicidal. he Doesn’t know how fragile tommy is about his own self worth, and he Doesn’t know that that kind of joking would hit tommy differently now than it would’ve back during their pogtopia days.
- technoblade knows that tommy was a child soldier, he knows that he was forced out of his home and isolated by someone that he’d trusted and loved, and he directly relates tommy’s betrayal to his own. he’s more likely to think that tommy’s mental state Now has more to do with l’manberg than dream specifically even if he recognizes dream as a threat to tommy.
none of this makes techno putting down tommy’s self worth Right, it doesn’t mean that we have to look at him charitably when he tells someone to their face that they aren’t equals only to turn around and destroy a country when he thinks he’s being dehumanized. but I also think that we can’t necessarily assume that he 100% devalued tommy both as a person and a friend from that interaction.
moreover, technoblade was For Sure being opportunistic in trying to recruit tommy. I’ve made my own analysis on techno obviously trying to prime tommy for a partnership at the start of tommy’s exile. but at the same time, I don’t think that’s necessarily Solely about taking advantage of what tommy could do for him, especially since he was trying to recruit tommy before he’d had his mind set on actively destroying l’manberg.
assuming that technoblade was as hurt by tommy as he was because he genuinely Cared about tommy, because he and tommy Were friends and he enjoyed his company, then he very well could’ve recognized that tommy being betrayed by the same people he was would open him up to being able to relate to him. techno and tommy have very fun interactions when there’s nothing driving them against each other, but they’re fundamentally incompatible on their morality and philosophies.
so the obvious solution to that would be one showing the other that their way of thinking was wrong, to let their relationship thrive without that barrier between them. and like, obviously technoblade is the extremist of the situation, it’s a little hard to swallow him trying to change tommy when he’s the one that refuses to compromise even when tommy tries to do it for him. but I think it’s worth recognizing when we’re having a conversation about whether or not he Solely saw tommy as an asset to use rather than a companion. if you choose to read techno as someone who refuses to compromise on his ideals but craves that interaction anyways, then the way he scooped tommy up while trying to relate tommy’s situation to his own, trying to convince them that l’manberg was bad for him, etc, can be read in a Much Less overtly malicious light. it’s still not a Healthy one, but at least it’s not Child Labor Meat Shield.
this particular reading Does have the fact that techno didn’t try to recruit anyone else on its side. for the entirety of tommy’s exile up until doomsday he didn’t try to seek out partnerships with anyone, even though there were Several people unaffiliated with l’manberg at the time. he sought tommy out the First Day of his exile, surely the moment he heard of it, and he was Noticeably Eager to partner with him the moment he’d found him in his house. if that was nothing but pure unadulterated ambition and opportunity seeking then you’d think he’d try to make at least One ally in the meantime.
then again, tommy was the most vulnerable person on the server at the time, you don’t have to know about tommy’s abuse to know that. if you choose to read techno as solely opportunistic then it’s easy to dismiss all of that and say that techno went for tommy because he saw it as the safest bet and that he didn’t gun for any other allies before him because he didn’t see it as immediately necessary until he’d been provoked. but on the other hand, it makes a lot of Sense that a character who’d just cut himself off from every ally he could’ve had but One would be kind of desperate for any chance at connection that he could get. that he’d seize the opportunity specifically Because he enjoyed his relationship with tommy before it went south and he wants to have a close partnership like that again.
technoblade’s a highly paranoid character, so you could argue that he’d try to seek out any partnership he could get his hands on if he was truly actively gunning for allies to the point of being willing to overlook his grudge against tommy to scoop him up as soon as possible. but on the other hand, technoblade’s a highly paranoid character, so he might not want to Risk someone ratting him out to the enemy if he can’t trust them or if they aren’t as neutral as they seem to be.
so ! with all that in mind I think that it’s a valid take to argue that technoblade’s actions could’ve been considered abusive whether he realized it or not, but I also think that it’s a valid take to say that it might not’ve been the intention of the roleplayers at the time and that some of the details that can be used to come to the conclusion that technoblade was abusive were tinged by cc!techno’s humor and him not thinking through the implications of tommy’s current arc. both takes make sense within the context of what we’ve been presented, we just need to make the space for both within overall analysis.
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notnctu · 4 years
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through the lens ❀ l.jn
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❀ lee jeno x fem!reader ❀ genre - slow burn, smut/mature content, fluff (romance?), slight angst ❀ details - photographer!jeno, model!reader, college!au, shy!jeno but he aint shy in bed, strangers to fuckers!au ❀ word count - 8k (this is the longest thing ive ever written) ❀ warnings - nude modeling, swearing, oral (f/receiving), some sweet love makin’ ❀ brief synopsis - jeno asks you to model for his internship project, but little did you know, it was going to be a nude photo shoot.  
❝ jeno was too shy to hold eye contact, but he stared at you endlessly through the lens. ❞
❀ a/n - hihihi this is author doie❀ ! im bad at writing smut so pls dont hate me ah ha lol i tried my best i also dont model/do professional photography so really apologize if i butcher any terms lmaoo the only thing i am is that im in college and im shy
Jeno had applied to almost a hundred internships and almost close to none returned with an offer, even after a whole month of waiting. He absolutely needed to start building his portfolio before the beginning of his senior year of college. The embarrassment of possibly graduating without any experience loomed over the desperate boy. 
Photography had been more than a hobby to him, to the point where he wanted to take it seriously. His parents weren’t the most supportive of an Arts major, but that couldn’t stop him. Jeno saw the best through a camera lens. He had a special eye for beautiful moments and the impressing urge to capture it forever. 
It was too late to change his major, if he wanted to graduate with all of his friends. If he wanted to be successful, he had to act on it now. 
The swoosh! of a new email startled the sleeping boy. He stared at the brightly lit screen, reading the words over and over again to make sure it was real. Jeno was so enthralled with excitement that he scrambled out of bed to wake up his roommate, Jaemin.
He shook him so violently that the sheets fell from Jaemin’s warm body. “Dude! I got an internship!” He spoke with incredible glee, a wide smile couldn’t leave his face.
Jaemin groaned and had to hold Jeno by the shoulders to halt the boy from causing the room to spin. “Why--What is going on?” He dazely rubbed his tired eyes to blink at his giddy roommate.
The screen blinded Jaemin as it was shoved too closely to adjust. “Whoa--,” he pushed it away and shut his eyes, “--repeat what you just said one more time.” Jaemin held a finger up and Jeno grabbed it, jumping onto his best friend’s bed.
“I got an internship. Someone got back to me.” Jaemin returned the same excitement the moment he processed his words. He shot up in bed and hugged his friend tightly. 
“Wo-w, dude! Congratulations!” The two boys hurried on their feet to cheer together. There was no concern for the rest of their housemates, only celebration that roared throughout the entire night.
+
Truthfully, Jeno had no recollection of applying to this studio. It could have been a random link on a job scouting website, but he couldn’t be more grateful. An internship was long overdue and Jeno had been itching to get some recognition for his craft. 
“Hello, I’m Lee Jeno.” He bowed slightly at the receptionist, who had a stern stare that made him feel vulnerable. The first thing he noted about the office: white and minimalistic. 
Jeno’s specialty was landscape photography. His aesthetics consisted of black and white filters, city lights, dark mood lighting, and background commotion. He enjoyed capturing chaos the most, a scene where more than one thing was happening. The only reason being that there was more to look at. 
“Nice to meet you. The name is Lee Taemin, but you can call me what you please.” A young, lean man strolled his way towards Jeno with a wide grin and his hand for him to shake. Taemin was slightly shorter than him, but his stylish, expensive boots made up for his height. He had to be only a maximum of five years older than Jeno as Taemin appeared relatively youthful. 
Taemin’s firm grip pulled Jeno along inside the studio. A small gasp escaped from Jeno which earned robust laughter from the older man. “I hope you can break out of your shell soon. There is no room for timidness around here, Mister Lee.”
“Please, you can call me Jeno.” He smiled, quite awkwardly at the beautiful man. 
The tall glass windows, the concrete, gray floor, the white doors that lined the hallway, had to be all too predictable. Jeno envisioned this is what high class must look like. It was the pristine, bright feeling and the smell of vanilla that lingered distastefully. There was chatter behind the closed doors --- mainly directing, and high praises. 
The only off-put was that photographers worked behind closed doors. From the few studios he has visited previously, photographers often worked in open spaces due to lighting fractures or the ability to roam more freely. 
“I’m actually very ecstatic you signed up for the internship, since you do seem a bit on the younger side.” Taemin gestured toward the sofa in the middle of his massive office. Jeno sat across from him. Water was already placed on the glass coffee table that separated the two. A laptop was opened to face Taemin.
Jeno slyly rubbed the condensation from his palms on his jeans. Taemin’s stare bore deep into the shy boy, who had to break eye contact from time to time. “I know.” Jeno chuckled nervously, “thank you for getting back to me. I was really hoping to gain work experience through mentorship.” 
Taemin nodded at everything Jeno was saying. His face being completely expressionless. Jeno sipped his water to regain moisture in his dry throat. Taemin was more intimidating than he was anticipating. “Sounds great. Happy to have you here. It might be a small business, but the experience is worth investing in. Every photographer who has come in and out of my building has found their forte. Let’s say, it’s eye opening.” 
“That’s exactly what I was looking for actually.” As scared as he was of this mysterious man, he really enjoyed the comfort the environment radiated. 
Taemin leaned forward and squinted at the screen. “I noticed in the portfolio you sent that you don’t have any portraits or any people, in general, in your photos. Do you have any works with people? Since this is a studio of fine art nude photography.”
Nude. Jeno practically choked on the last remaining spit he gathered. Taemin acknowledged the boy’s shocked reaction and tilted his head curiously, “you did know that I specialize in contemporary fine art nude photography, right?” Unfortunately, Jeno did not. 
Jeno cleared his throat, “yes, of course. I wanted to challenge myself.” He had to lie, there was no other way to cover up his disbelief. This internship was the only hope left for him to gain something. Though, even the thought of shooting a naked body made him anxious.
He hated how timid he was. His friends and family say otherwise, mainly for the reason that Jeno automatically lit up behind a camera. In all honesty, he hid behind it. It was the only safe place that Jeno knew what he was doing. However when it came to real life situations without it, he lacked the confidence to be himself.
As ironic as it was, he hated being seen. He liked to be the background character in his own life, because the main character took too much of a toll. It could also be his deafening insecurities and lack of self esteem, but Jeno didn’t mind not being the center of attention.
“You like a challenge?” It was more of a statement rather than a question. Jeno caught a glimpse of the twinkle in Taemin’s dark eyes. “Then for your first task, I want you to show me that you can take on this role.”
Jeno scrambled for his phone to jot down notes. “Send me an emotional portfolio, model of your choice. They could be a friend of yours that you feel comfortable seeing naked. It must include a variation of headshots, full body, and body details. It must also be raw and unedited photos. I want to see if you have the eye for the art to capture these types of images.”
“When would you like it by?” He stammered, completely winded at the sudden project that unloaded on top of him. 
“Next Friday, and you’ll present it to me here in person. Feel free to use this studio if you don’t have a place of your own with equipment. All you need to do is book a room with the front desk. Any other questions?” The sound of the laptop shutting caused Jeno to look up at the brilliance in front of him. He needed Taemin to help him succeed. 
“Why do you take nude photography?” 
Taemin was unable to stop the laughter that erupted into the room. “I don’t run a pimp business or sell soft core porn, if that’s why you’re staring at me so funnily. What I make is an art masterpiece, it has nothing to do with physical features or desires. It’s the pure emotion that clothing distracts from. Clothing conforms the model into an aesthetic, and while that works for editorials, it won’t be a consistent thing here.” 
Jeno nodded understandingly. Overwhelmed and lost at words. He was unsure what he had gotten himself into. Where was he going to find a model on such short notice on such lewd conditions? He was really going to need to step out of his comfortable zone, in his photography and social skills. 
Taemin stood up and extended his hand once more. “I take pride in my art, so I hope you, too, start finding that in your own.” 
+
Jaemin held his stomach from the endless laughter, tears welling up in his eyes. “Nud-Nude photography? And you didn’t know?”
“Jaemin, keep it down.” Jeno whispered and cautiously peered around at the few people flooding into the small lecture hall. “I don’t want everyone in our club to misunderstand and think I’m some creep.”
His best friend straightened up in his seat and placed his hand on Jeno's slumped shoulder, “first of all, you’re a complete idiot for not researching. Secondly, it’s an art form. If you really got yourself a shady, rated R internship, I would’ve told you to drop it instantly.” 
His spirits were slightly lifted, but he was still struggling with who he should ask to model for him. As much as he’s already seen of Jaemin, being his roommate, he honestly would rather leave the rest to imagination. Jeno wasn’t purposefully searching the room for a candidate, but he could not stop his eyes from drifting.
He spotted the most attractive side profile that sat two rows below him. He shook his head to make sure he was seeing her correctly. Peering around, he looked for another possible face to shoot. But oh god, how she caught his eye every time she even slightly moved.
You smiled happily with your friends by your side as your club’s executive board members introduced this year’s goals and events to attend. It had to be the smallest amount of alcohol still running in your system that caused you to giggle every time guys tried to turn around and hit on you.
“Why don’t you focus on our club members instead?” You smirked at the smug older boy, who had poorly attempted to grab your attention. “I think this information is important to you. These events could help you develop your social skills to be much better.” Your voice was barely above a whisper, but your girl friends scoffed by your side.
He got up in disbelief and quickly walked out of the room. There was a brief pause at the sudden movement, but the announcement carried on per usual.
Jeno impatiently waited for the club meeting to finally be over, so he could talk to you. The longer it dragged, the more his confidence was subsiding. “I’m heading to study, wanna come with?” Jaemin poked at Jeno’s knee.
“Yeah, but you can go ahead first. I need to talk to someone.” His voice was shaky and his throat went so dry. Jeno’s shifty eyes scanned the room, hoping no one saw how nervous he was acting.
Jaemin’s eyebrows lifted suspiciously, “who? I didn’t even know you talked to anyone who came today. Donghyuck and Renjun aren’t here---”
“--her, Jaemin... her. I’m going to ask her to model for me.” Jeno motioned his head. His heart beating faster at seeing a small grin appear on your face from a comment someone made.
Jaemin hummed, “good luck with that, bud. I’ve got two shoulders for you to cry on after.” The extra hint of sarcasm only made Jeno sweat nervously. He was seriously doubting his decision, but it wouldn’t be a challenge if he didn’t do it. He knew he’d regret it more if he didn’t just ask you. 
Once the meeting was dismissed, you wanted to get out of the room before the heavy rush into the hallways. Unfortunately, a few frat guys pulled you into their conversation and chatted up a storm. Your friends played into their foolery, but you stopped paying attention when they asked for your numbers.
There was a faint tap on your shoulder and you turned to see who the culprit was. You didn’t seem to know him, because you would’ve remembered such a demeanor. His eyes were glued to the floor behind you and his shaky hands ran through his brown locks. His shyness was quite endearing, yet alarming since you weren’t sure why exactly he had approached you.
“Yes?” You asked curiously.
The moment Jeno heard your delicate cadence, he melted like a popsicle left out in the sun. He peered up, but quickly reverted his eyes to the white tiles when he noticed how beautifully you stared at him.
He counted his breathing to calm his rapid heart beat. He cleared his throat to introduce himself, “I’m Jeno. I’m a third year Arts major, um-- I was just--- I know we don’t know each other. I wanted to ask, uh-” Jeno was horrified at how he stammered over his own words. His cheeks burned with a red glow, and if he couldn’t look you in the eye before, he definitely couldn’t now.
“Hey, see you later.” One of the bulky frat guys called and you waved back weakly. 
A guy who had been chasing you endlessly scoffed at the pitiful sight and smirked at you, “see you at my house tonight? Been missing you in my bed lately.”
“Thought you would’ve guessed the reason why I stopped coming around.” Jeno heard the sting in your remarks and the disbelief in the male. 
You honestly could have left, Jeno knew that. But you stayed and waited patiently for him to finish. Jeno could tell how strong you were just by your intimidating aura that practically suffocated him by standing in close proximity to you.
You sighed and reached to grab your jacket on the folded seat, “look, Jeno. It’s nice to meet you and all, but I gotta get going.” 
Shockingly, the shy boy reached out to stop you by your fingertips. His touch lingered before he dropped your hand quickly. “I’m sorry. Are you free this Monday?”
“Uh, that depends. If you’re asking me on a date, then I’m busy.” Rolling your eyes, you weren’t sure why you still stayed to listen to what this random stranger had to say. If it were anyone else, you would’ve walked away the moment he asked if you were free. However, you acknowledged his timidness and the courage he must have mustered up to approach you.
Jeno shook his head violently, completely in shambles from that type of misunderstanding. “Not a date. I need someone to model for my portfolio photos that my internship assigned. It’s actually very important to me because it’s the first internship that responded back to me when I had applied to so many a whole month ago. Basically, I really need this and you because I think you’d be perfect to take pictures of. Oh-- wow! That sounded very bad --- uh --- what I meant is that your facial proportions are perfect and---”
“I’m free Monday.” You cut off his endless ramble and gestured toward his phone. He handed it to you without any hesitation and you typed in your number. “Text me the time, place and what I should wear.” 
“Oh actually, it’s a nude photoshoot.” Your eyes doubled in size, completely offended by that statement.
Jeno felt the sudden shift in the air and brought his hands up to block himself, “to be more clear, it’s a contemporary fine art nude photography studio. The pictures are pieces of art and to be seen as that only. I have no intentions or ulterior motive to sleep with you, see you naked or sell, leak your nudes for the profit of your body. But, I understand if you no longer want to do it because it sounds super strange now that I am explaining it.” 
Your shoulders relaxed and the fist that formed unraveled. You exhaled deeply, “I’ll do it. We can talk more about it on Monday and I get to leave on my own accord if I don’t feel comfortable. We work on my conditions.” Picking up Jeno’s chin, he was absolutely petrified at the forced eye contact and your incredible, powerful gaze. He was mesmerized by the fire in your eyes, and if he stared any longer, he could’ve lost himself in them. 
“Of course.” With that, you dropped his face and left without another look back. Jeno looked down at his phone and the new contact name, (Y/N). It had slipped his mind to even ask what your name was and he slapped his face in utter stupidity. “Do better, Lee Jeno.” It was a remainder to himself to, hopefully, be better the next time you two speak.
+
Monday, 3:03 PM. 
Jeno paced back and forth in the brightly, lit white room. He was trying to find any blinds or curtains to cover the tall windows of the high rise building. It should not be too much of a problem, the extra lighting was a positive. Jeno was only worried for your comfort of the openness. 
There was a soft knock before Jeno practically tripped to open the door. His breath hitched at the sight of your bare face. This time, you were the vulnerable one. Jeno only saw purity, yet impressed at how your tired eyes still managed to bid him a soft smile. He admired your uneven complexion, and the sparse moles that dotted your skin. 
“Okay, so you want to see me naked now or later?” Filled with jokes, your voice was light and airy this afternoon. There was a bit of a contrast from the first time you two met. Softer, enchanting, almost ghostly. 
Everything in the room was white. The mattress on the floor had a white comforter and white sheets. The backdrop. The walls. The hardwood floor. The only color was the blue sky that the tall windows let in.
“Here’s a robe. You can change in the bathroom.” Jeno scratched the back of his neck and his eyes wandered everywhere, but your’s. 
“Would you be okay with me just taking off my clothes in here?” You saw the light tint of pink cover his face, and spread to his ears. You examined more of the shy boy’s embarrassed face, finally getting a really good look at him. Jeno was very attractive, and you could only imagine how beautiful he must look if he fully faced you.
Jeno fiddled with his camera strap, “only if you are okay with that.” Clearing his throat, he stood next to the window to give you some privacy. “I’ll go over what I plan on doing. I’m going to take photos of your face details, parts of your body, full body, and portraits. You can lay down on the bed and I’ll direct you in poses. Have you modeled before?”
He was scanning the bustling city below his feet. Cars zoomed quickly and crowds of tiny people flooded the streets. He brought his camera up to his face, not being able to resist the urge to capture such a thrilling sight. 
“If Instagram counts, then yeah. Professional model gig would be a no. Nude photography is a definite no, unless we are talking about being filmed during sex.” Jeno chuckled, while also holding the camera steady and stealing a few moments to keep for himself.
For a strange reason, being naked for a non-sensual reason felt even more vulnerable. Laying on the soft fabric, you felt oddly exposed and slightly more reserved. You’ve had countless strangers see you naked. Men were sexually desiring to see a sexy picture. You were always lusted after, but this feeling of nakedness was special.
“Are you ready?” Jeno gulped, finally setting the camera down. 
You hummed cheerfully. Your heart was leaping out of your chest as the boy shifted slowly to face you. As he turned, you noticed he had his eyes sealed shut, which caused a small laugh to erupt. “Jeno, you have my permission to open your eyes and to look at me.”
Holy shit, he was trembling with an inexplicable fear. The camera was slipping from his sweaty hands. His mouth was as dry as the desert. Jeno’s pounding heart was loud in his ears. 
Jeno has seen his past girlfriends laying naked in bed, but this situation was too different. When he saw you laying there in absolutely nothing, he was overwhelmed, yet astounded at how graceful you appeared.
There was no exchange of words and no exchange of eye contact. He towered over your lying figure and shakily brought the camera to his eyes. He selfishly wanted to capture your elegance. Through the lens, he saw all of you: the curve in your eyelid, your curled eyelashes, the small mole next to your soft lips, the sharp color of your eyes, the way your hair frames your face.
This was the most beautiful sight he’s ever seen. You were comparable to the arts found in popular museums. Your body lines were enticing and an impressive shape. Your breasts pooled on your chest, the round nude nipple in the centers. Your details had to be sculpted by gods, who took their sweet time making you. You were a true masterpiece. 
Confused, Jeno felt a huge mixture of emotions. Was he aroused? Was he infatuated? Did he just fall in love with a complete stranger? He recognized the same thrilled feelings he felt taking landscape photos. With each click, he grew more excited with how beautiful the photos were turning out.
“Sit up and rest your chin on your left hand. Lean your weight on your right leg.” Jeno’s direction was clear and firm. There was no evidence of a smaller tone he usually spoke in. Sitting up, you placed your elbow on your upper thigh to steady your chin. Jeno had already gotten down to floor level to you. 
Without the camera that separated you two, it had to be the first time he faced you completely in such close proximity. There was so much to admire about Jeno. He remained concentrated on his craft, but it was actually very sexy to see his dedication. It was almost like he was a whole new person, like all the shyness drifted away. 
Jeno couldn’t take his eyes off of you. It wasn’t simply your beauty that amazed him. Your confidence made everything easy. There was something about your blank stares, when he asked for an emotion, you portrayed it perfectly.
“Can we talk while you shoot?” Your sudden voice startled the photographer. He lowered his camera and his gaze automatically wandered off behind you, which didn’t go unnoticed. He nodded after a short pause and the shutter noises continued.
“Why did you choose me as your model?” 
Jeno peeled away from the device, “because you’re you.” He didn’t even know what that statement meant. It wasn’t like he knew you before the first time he asked you to model for him.
The corners of your lips dipped down, drawing an evident frown. Click. Jeno loved that image especially. It was a simple way to get real, authentic facial expressions. He marveled at the photo, but registered the reason behind it. “I wanted to ask you the second I saw you. I just knew that I wanted you.” 
“But you don’t know me.” 
Jeno looked through the lens once again, welcoming a full view of your stunning attributes. He spoke in a low voice, “then, let me know you.” Click. 
It would be the biggest lie to say that you weren’t aroused by Jeno at the moment. He was cool, without trying to be. He really did shine when he had a camera to work with, like a star to a dark night. While he had a distinct demeanor off the bat, you enjoyed unraveling the rest of him. He was, also, the first man you met that didn’t seem sexually driven by a naked woman in his presence. 
You had to resist every urge to push the camera away and share the few seconds of his entire gaze before it wandered away. You wanted to rock his world, he was so innocent and beautiful. You wished to wreak havoc on him, have him show you how much he wanted you. 
+
You anticipated an awkward photoshoot, but Jeno made you feel safe and comfortable. He made sure to adjust the temperature when goosebumps rose on your arms and when your nipples became painfully hard. He never touched you or came too much into your personal space. He always asked for your permission. 
Nude modeling was a new experience for you, but you were surprised at how much you liked it. or how much you liked Jeno taking your photos. He sat next to you on the bed when you put on your articles of clothing and panned through several shots to satisfy your curiosity.
Leaning close, your head ducked to see the photos. A gasp escaped your lips when you saw just the first few. “Is that really me?” The pictures made you feel an abundance of emotions, you felt what they reflected. Sadness, melancholy, happiness, confidence. You didn’t know images had that much power to make you feel that, especially photos of you.
Jeno nodded, smiling so wide that his eyes turned to moon crescents. He was so in love with the results. He found respect for Taemin’s craft and he was right, he might’ve found a new forte to experiment with. “I can send you the photos digitally too, if you want them.”
“Maybe I’ll print them out, frame them, and gift it to every horrid man who has tried to flirt their way to my body since they want to see it so fucking bad.” 
Jeno peered over and saw the tiny glimpse of pain in your orbs, “why would you give horrible people what they want?”
“So they can finally shut up and leave me alone. Plus, this is art and if I tell them it’s actually me, maybe it’ll change their minds to start treating me like it.” 
He held his palm up and almost immediately, your fingers filled the spaces between his. “I’m going to need you to start treating yourself as fine art.”
“Keep taking more photos of me and I just might start thinking I’m Mona Lisa.” Your laughters blended nicely into each other. There was mutual mental acknowledgement of the happiness you were both feeling.
Jeno never let go of your hand, and there was a short moment of comforting silence where you two sat in each other’s existence. You were the one to break it, “are you doing anything after this?” 
He shook his head. “Well then, you’re mine for the rest of the night. We’re going to pretend we’ve been close friends since first year and eat take-out on my bed because that’s what I need at the moment.” 
+
“I know you respect my body and see this as an art form, but I’m genuinely surprised that you didn’t feel aroused at the slightest.”
Jeno didn’t even realize how much time had already passed being you. You two ate and chatted as if you’ve known each other forever, as if the friendship wasn’t established several hours ago. It felt safe and right, like you two belonged in each other’s existence and nowhere else mattered.
He felt warm inside from your hearty laughter and courage, like he was watching a painting come to life or a photo in movement. You were smitten over how endearing and complex he was. He was more than what meets the eye and that alone drew you towards him.
“Okay, I’ll admit,” Jeno paused to watch your reaction, “in the most respectable way, I was somewhat turned on. But! Before you trail blaze me for being just like every disgusting male in your life, I genuinely didn’t have any sexual thoughts during the photoshoot. That was all professional and it will continue to be like that.” 
Getting up from your bed, your mind was working at lightspeed to process his confession. Jeno was fast to pick up someone’s personality, what stood out and what was kept hidden. He knew quicker than anyone else that you were not someone to offend because you were a strong, straight forward woman.
His personality breakdown went like this: you knew what you like, you knew you were going to get what you want, you enjoyed flirty banter (with people of your choice), you weren’t afraid to be blunt, or kick someone’s ass. You carried yourself with confidence that graced your every step, which makes anyone attracted to you instantly. Bold, confident, sexy had to be what came to mind whenever he thought about you. 
Nonetheless, he really liked you as a person. He could pat himself on the back all day long for just approaching you, but he knew the real reason as to how this all happened. It was you saying yes to a stranger’s odd photoshoot. You made him the luckiest man in the world. 
“Continue? Are you looking for excuses to keep seeing me?” You smirked and Jeno’s voice grew small. 
“I--- uh, well,” there goes the nervous stammering, “I know the conditions were a one time thing, so I understand if you don’t want to do it again.” As the night had progressed, Jeno gradually began to hold eye contact and actually looked at you directly without the help of seeing you through a lens. This was the first time he broke it. 
“Hey now, I’m messing with you, Jeno.” He had been sitting on your floor, at the end of your bed. You crawled on your elbows to reach him, and to hold his chin to face you again. Deja vu. “I’d love to get naked for you again, and again, and.. as many times as you want me to.” 
He stared at you with his mouth hung open in disbelief. His eyes scanned your beautiful face to see your lips pull back into a mischievous smile. Gulping, he swallowed every ounce of courage he had left. “You don’t have to say it like that.” He tried to remove your grip, but it latched onto his hand. 
“You’re finally looking me in the eye, sweet thing. I don’t think you realize how much I had been wanting that from you.” You caressed his cheek, rubbing small circles on his texture. 
“What else do you want from me?” His implication sounded suggestive, even if his curiosity was innocent. 
Your hot breath brushed against Jeno’s lips. “I can show you.”
Jeno, the one and only college guy who has seen your naked body in a non-sexual context. Jeno, the shy, sweet boy who appreciated and recognized you as a form of art. Jeno, the talented and skillful photographer, who consistently made sure you felt comfortable. Jeno, the only person in the world who you’d model nude for. Jeno, the dazzling character behind the camera who you wanted more than anyone else you’ve ever met. Lee Jeno.
He seemed like he was inching closer, already tilting his head to fit your’s. You smiled to yourself, seeing that your words were received well. Diving in, your lips swam together fervently. 
The poor boy found himself lost in your enchanting, alluring gaze. He let the trance consume him, selfishly kissing the art he admired so dearly. A small part of him felt the guilt and confusion that began to rise. He wasn’t sure why he suddenly wished to feel your lips on his neck, or run his hands across your hot skin. He swore these thoughts were not present earlier. 
A small pop! and Jeno held your shoulder to pull away. “I’m sorry, did I do something?” You asked, honestly concerned that you were taking more than you deserved. The least you desired was to hurt Jeno, who had been nothing but nice and sweet.
“(Y/N),” you could listen to your name roll off his tongue all day, “I feel somewhat guilty. I don’t want things to be misunderstood.”
“Which would be?”
“I don’t want you to think I coerced you into being my model just because I had intentions to sleep with you.” Jeno was already gathering his things, but you hopped off your bed and placed a hand on his chest. “Because that’s what it’s starting to look like at the moment.”
“Was that something you did though? Did you have those intentions?” Your stare bore right through him. The warmth of your hand relaxed his racing heart.
“Never, (Y/N), I would never do that to someone.” Your hand traveled down to grab his belongings and tossed it back onto the ground. 
He silently watched as you took off your pants, and stood in front of him in your underwear. “Then, we’re fine. I know your intentions have always been pure. But truthfully, Jeno, seeing you focused while you worked sparked something in me. You don’t understand how aroused I got and how badly I wanted you to fuck me on that bed.” His hand trailed up your exposed thighs, finally touching your softness. “You’re the one guy I wanted first, and it’s been a long time since I’ve felt that.” 
“I-- I don’t know what to say.” His cheeks revealed how embarrassed he was, but his dark, lustful eyes were telling a different story.
A smirk fell upon your face, “then don’t say anything.” 
Jeno devoured you, inhaling the light hint of vanilla that still lingered. He hoisted you onto your mattress and kissed you like his life depended on it. His antsy hands roamed your free range, exploring, holding, gripping the parts he marveled over. Small moans from the back of your throat encouraged him to continue.
No one has ever kissed you with the amount of passion Jeno did. It was gentle, with enough vigor to cause your panties to dampen. It wasn’t sloppy, where previous guys had a problem of missing your mouth entirely and slobbered your chin. 
His lips worshiped you, highlighting your good sides. Flashes of the photoshoot popped into Jeno’s head as he left purple marks on the places he loved capturing the most. He pushed up your shirt, exposing your chest to him again. His tongue circled around your hard nipple as he made sure to give the same amount of attention to each one. 
Jeno knew he was too shy to hold your intense stare, but getting to know you during and after the photoshoot, he could see the softness in your gaze. He was, now, able to see all of you. The sight of you through the camera was addicting enough, so finally taking you all in was more than satisfying. 
Your hands ran through his hair as he kissed down your torso. His thumbs hooked the waistband of your underwear, and peeled it off your body. You gasped as the cold air from your apartment grazed against your exposed figure.
Jeno paused to admire your glistening pussy, “would it be okay if you let me make love to you?”
Your heart burned, not out of embarrassment, but at how he still managed to ask you for your permission in the sweetest way. You rested your weight on your elbows, “no one has done that before, would it actually make me want to fall in love with you?”
“It wouldn’t be too bad. I have a lot of love to give and you look like a person who deserves all of it anyways.” Jeno’s finger ran over your wet slit and rubbed your clit slowly.
Your moans filled the room as the electric jolted throughout your veins. The wetness grew, seeping out of you like a waterfall. Jeno dropped down to his knees, and lifted your legs on his broad shoulders.
“Are you usually this wet, baby?”
Chuckling, you smiled at his bold choice in using pet names, “Just for you.”
He hummed, chiming at how he liked your answer. Spreading you open, his tongue met with your swollen bud that begged for his licks.
His tongue darted side to side, up and down and in result, your back arched in pleasure and a darkness clouded your mind. His name and mindless profanities streamlined their way out of you as Jeno ate you out in such a precisely delicious way.
Grabbing a fist full of hair, you pulled him closer, even if there was no more space to fill. Looking down, you two exchanged glances before he thrusted a finger into you. Your hips bucked harder as he eased in another one.
Jeno curled his fingers in search of your sweet spot and found it when a deep moan escaped your throat. His fingertips rubbed and pressed into your plush flesh, causing you to practically scream and squirm in his mouth. 
He suckled your clit and fingered you simultaneously and quickly. The pleasure was overflowing and you released his hair to grip your sheets below you. Your legs shook and trembled as he had no caution to stop.
“Please, I’m going to--” you could barely talk due to your face contouring to the splurge of pleasure every single time Jeno rubbed your spot. “--to explode.” 
He had to take back what he thought earlier in the day. This was the most beautiful sight he’s ever laid eyes on. The whole scene played like from one of his favorite films. It felt like he was giving his photos life. Your body twisted and turned, accentuating the curves of your lines. 
Jeno had become painfully hard against the fabric of his jeans, but seeing you fall apart because of his minimal movements exhilarated him. “P-Please, don’t stop.” A breathy moan followed suit and your thighs tried to press themselves together. Jeno didn’t allow it, his free hand hooked underneath your left thigh to pull one side away from his cheeks.
Your high gradually grew so tall that it all eventually came cascading down. Your legs shook violently and sat up from the euphoria that took over you. Jeno prolonged your buzz and you screamed loudly, having to bite down on your fingers to stop yourself from angering your neighbors.
Jeno drank you up, letting your wetness cover his chin and drip down his knuckles. He pulled away, at last, and you took deep breaths to control your heavy breathing. It was like Jeno knocked the wind completely out of you. 
He stood up and you saw the outline of his hard bulge straining itself through his jeans. The next scene was quite animalistic. You, still embodying your high, sat on your knees and unzipped his pants with your needy hands.
“Now, it’s your turn to get nude for me.” You whispered, tauntingly. Jeno groaned when you reached down and gently pulled him out. He stepped out of his clothing, all of it. His shirt was lost in the corner and his bottoms were scattered over your floor. Mirroring his actions, you took off your last piece of cloth.
Jeno was built. Though his biceps did not go unnoticed during the photoshoot, you were surprised at the lines of muscle that sketched his body. It made your mouth water, seeing his extremely hard dick stand against his toned abs. His red tip fell just below his navel. Jeno only kept getting better as the night continued on.
Pulling him closer, his hand found their way to the back of your head as you aligned your mouth to the wetness that spilled from his tip. “I want to make you feel good.” Jeno’s hoarse voice made your knees weak.
Peering up, you batted your eyelashes at him fondly. “Just a little taste?” You begged, having to hold his shaft with both of your hands because of his thickness. Your tongue was already stuck out, your hot breath causing the tiniest bit of sensation for him.
He nodded and his eyes were trained on you. He didn’t want to miss any second of your kitty licks. You flattened your tongue against his warmth, dragging it up to the top. The saltiness hit your palette as you swirled around his redness. “Oh--” Jeno threw his head back and bit his lip, “--lay on the bed now.” 
You smiled sweetly and gave his member a quick kiss before reaching for a condom in your drawer. Jeno climbed onto your bed and situated the rubber comfortably. You laid on your back and he was fast to pull your legs around his waist. 
He lined himself at your entrance and eased his tip in slowly. Squirming, you craved him to fill you up to the brim. He leaned down to kiss you, letting your tongue lap with his. It’s your hands with the mind of their own when they flew automatically to hold his face whenever you wanted to deepen the kiss. Then, Jeno stretched himself all the way in and he caught your gasp with his lips. He groaned, feeling the mess he created merely minutes ago. 
His hips moved so easily with your wetness, but he went slow. Dragging out each pull and then, pushing himself back in roughly. “Jeno!” Your body jolted up the bed each time. His body fell over yours to hold you intimately, letting you bury your face into his neck. Your lips latched themselves onto his sensitive skin, painting a purple sunset. 
Jeno’s arms snaked underneath your thighs as he pressed them to your chest, folding you almost into a ball. Your mouth hung open as he fucked you harder, rougher, deeper yet keeping the tempo rhythmically slow. At this point, you could feel his hits in your gut. Your weak hands gripped loosely around his strong wrists that held your legs down. “You’re pussy is so tight and holy shit---, you keep getting more beautiful.”
A familiar burning sensation set in your chest as you saw how concentrated his face had become. You were so fucked out that you could barely speak, “you—” his hips mercilessly slammed into you powerfully, enacting a low moan every time he reached your sweet spot. “—keep surprising me.” His actions came to a halt and he stared deeply into your soul. 
You whined, wiggling your hips for any friction. He held them down into the mattress, knowing his grip was strong enough to leave a mark. “I told you, I was going to make love to you tonight.”
“I’ve already fallen for you.” You said breathlessly, tracing the side of his face and pecking his lips softly. 
“You don’t understand what you’re doing to me by saying those things.” He whispered and pushed his entire shaft to fill you to your brim. 
You yelped his name and gripped his shoulders, but he wasn’t done yet. “Show me how badly you wanted me the first time you saw me.” Jeno blinked at you in slight shock. 
As he continued to hold the deep gaze, he kept pushing his dick further and further into you. He was balls deep, almost impossible to keep going. He fucked you without the need to pull out, just burying his cock deeper into your wet pussy. You exclaimed, moaned, cussed at every push. Holding the stare was more than enough to lose yourself all over him again. 
Jeno was drunk with the image of your fucked out expression and every time the mixture of pleasure and pressure caused your eyebrows to crease and mouth to open release sensual sound. He had been trying his best not to come undone, to fixate another climax for you.
The feeling of you wrapping tighter and tighter around him drove him insane. “Give it to me, please.” Your muffled plead called for his release, but he could feel that you were close to your second.
Jeno sat up on his knees and pulled you into his arms where your thighs fell over his. You groaned at the empty feeling, though it was quickly replaced with a gratifying moan when he inserted himself again. Your arms dangled around his neck, foreheads touching intimately. 
The fucking eye contact again, how could you get enough of it? You giggled, amused at how different Jeno was when he eventually opened up. He wrapped his strong arms around your back and thrusted his hips up into you. The way this man made you squirm, scream, and shake were nothing you’ve experienced before. 
He smirked, placing a gentle kiss on your cheek when he went rampage on your pussy. “Not laughing now, are you?”
You whined in pleasure, brushing your fallen strands of hair out of his face. “Shut up before I make you.” 
“Then I’d rather keep going.” Kissing up his jawline, you lead your way to his pout. His kisses intoxicated you with his passion and madness, like the most intense part of a symphony, or when the bass drops after a long build up in a song. 
Jeno sped up, ramming up into your slick pussy over and over again. He even brought your hips down to match him, guiding you down as he went up. The headboard was knocked against the wall, your windows steamed up, cries of pleasure from the both of you created the ambiance, the smell of sex filled your lungs. Jeno reached between your bodies to furiously rub your clit to where it felt almost raw. It all sent you into the clouds, the familiar queasiness settled in your lower half.
Your eyes rolled back and your back arched, having to pull away from the desirous kiss with Jeno. “I’m cumming!” You announced before the tension unraveled, causing you to see absolute white. The second wave was much more uncontrollable, Jeno felt you squeezing radically around his dick as he tried to fuck you faster to prolong the feeling.
Your legs shook around his and your upper body went limp with pleasure. You reached the peak of the mountain and it came crumbling down underneath your toes. It was catastrophically enthralling, to the point where you physically felt something leave your body.
“Oh shit..” Jeno stopped his motions at the sight of you squirting over his lap. He pampered your torso with fluttering kisses, hoping to calm your spastic body. “...baby, are you okay?” He asked with a bit of concern of how lack of life you seemed. 
This man just gave you the best climax in your whole life and he asked if you were okay? Regaining your senses, you sighed a small yes to reassure him that he didn’t actually murder you. Hopping off, you pulled the condom that restricted him.
He hissed when you cupped his balls in your palm. “Cum, my sweet thing.” You purred and Jeno’s hand pumped his member aggressively. You leaned in to help, sucking the tip and flicking your tongue over his slit. 
His other hand gripped your neck, causing you to drip on your sheets. Jeno was panting and with every tug, it became louder. He seemed so desperate to release that it made you smile to be the reason behind it. “Can you lay down,” A grunt followed his question, “please.” He huffed.
“Because you asked nicely.” Smirking, your back hit the sheets and you opened your legs to give Jeno a view. He situated himself above your stomach, as he fucked his tight grip.
“I’m cumming---” He couldn’t look any more amazing. With a final moan, the white streaks streamed out in short sequences. It landed across your abdomen, over your nipple, and pooled around your belly button. 
Bringing himself back to reality, Jeno stepped back to marvel you, his masterpiece. The white streaks coated your purple skin and your chest rose fast to catch your reality. Gazing upon your naked body, he was utterly infatuated with all of you. He was so in love with the sight of you that not a single photo could capture the beauty that you were. 
Jeno pondered the thought of how merely a day changed a small part of him. You were life changing, addicting, an incomparable character that he felt like he’s known forever, and now, couldn’t live without. It was the taste of your juices on his lips, your sweet melodic music that was your voice, your daring smile that enticed him to never peel away from you. It was simply you. 
He leaned down to rub his knuckles against your cheek, planting a lovingly peck on your forehead. “I’ll go start the water for you.” 
+
Jeno anticipated the reaction of his mentor. He found himself at the same scene he was when he was first given the task. Taemin sat across from him, hunched forward to analyze his new set of photos on his laptop. Raw, unedited photos of you, your body, your details. 
The hum of the air conditioning droned on, driving him mad. Jeno needed one reaction, but Taemin had been silent and expressionless for the past ten minutes. Whenever he did move, it was to click through to the next picture. 
Suddenly, he shut it closed and stood right up. Jeno, panicked, did the same. Taemin stuck his hand out and Jeno hesitantly grabbed it, incredibly unsettled and unable to read the older man.
Taemin received it firmly, giving Jeno a good handshake. “Welcome abroad, Lee Jeno. I expect even more great things from you.” 
Jeno registered his delightful mood switch and he was fast to follow up, “my photos, --- you --- like them?” 
Taemin nodded generously, patting Jeno on his shoulder. Taemin reached up to tap his own eyelids. “What you can see, is very special, kid. You’re an artist and I’m here to recognize that for you. It seems to me, you can do more than take pictures of sidewalks.” 
Jeno smiled happily, his eyes disappearing from joy. He couldn’t wait to tell you about it. 
The rest of the week, leading up to Jeno’s appointment, had felt nothing short of blissful moments together. You and Jeno spent almost every waking minute together without the cost of your friends’ time. He walked you to your classes, some even being across the campus from his own. You accompanied him for meals, even sitting in his lectures to just be with him.
There were no words that established what you two had become to each other. Jeno wasn’t looking for that anyways, in fact, he somewhat liked the ambiguity. If only he could tell you how making love to you made him begin to actually fall for you.
You were never one to hold a serious relationship, but you found a small want for that festering in Jeno. It was hard to admit to yourself, but Jeno saw you for all that you were. He truly saw you, whether it had been through a lens or through his own eyes. He captured your rawness and you were able to find vulnerability around him. 
He ran to you, where you sat in the lobby waiting for him to finish his meeting. Peering up from your phone, you noticed the beaming smile on the boy’s face. You couldn’t hold back your own grin, seeing him apparent with so much joy. “I’m guessing good things?”
“I got it, (Y/N)!” He jumped into your arms and you laughed at the sudden affection. “He loved my photos.” 
“I didn’t doubt it for one second. You’re an artist, Jeno. You create masterpieces that make even someone like me, feel like art.” 
Jeno hugged you closer to his chest, giving you a tiny squeeze. Pulling away to face you, his eyes examined your outstanding grace. You knew what he was already going to say, but simply wanted to hear him say it. “That’s because you are art.”
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scorpionyx9621 · 3 years
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Do you think Jason Todd fandom is kinda toxic? Because it seems like NO MATTER what DC do, there'll always be complains. Forget the bad adaptation like Titans. Even Judd Winick cannot escape the criticism with how he potrayed Robin!Jason. They just never satisfied.
SORRY, IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO RESPOND TO THIS. I just moved from Washington D.C. to Seattle, which, for my non-American friends, that's 4442km away. And I DROVE THERE ALL BY MYSELF. And now I'm trying to find new work in a new city and trying to stay mentally healthy and positive. Life is exciting but hard and scary.
*sighs*
As someone who was a fandom elder with V*ltr*n. I've seen some of the worst when it comes to fandom behavior. I'm talking people baking food with shaving razors and trying to give them to the showrunners. I'm talking leaking major plot details and refusing to take it down unless they make their ship canon (I am looking at you, Kl*nce stans) For the most part, DC Comics has had a decades-long reputation of treating their fans like trash and not caring what they think so from what I've seen, we all just grumble and complain in our corners of the internet about how we don't like how X comic portrays Jason Todd.
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The challenge with Jason Todd is that he's your clinical anti-hero, the batfamily's Draco in Leather Pants, he's a jerkass woobie, and on top of all of that, he's a Tumblr sexyman. It's a perfect storm for a very fun but frustrating character to be a fan of. It doesn't help that every writer decides to re-invent the wheel every time Jason comes up so his canon lore is confusing at best and inconsistent as a standard.
I guess starting with a general brief on who Jason is and what is uniform about him with every instance he's appeared in comics/media.
Grew up in a poor family in Gotham with a dad who was a petty-mid-level criminal, and a mother who dies of a drug overdose.
Survives on the street on his own by committing petty crimes and potentially even engaging in sexual acts to keep himself alive.
Is cornered by Batman and taken in after Dick Grayson quits/is fired
Becomes the second Robin, but is known for being the harsher, more brutal Robin.
Is killed by Joker after being tortured, but somehow comes back to life and regains senses through the Lazarus Pit
Resolves himself to be better than Batman by basically being Batman but kills people.
Where there has been a lot of conflict in the fandom is the fact that Jason Todd is not a character that is written consistently. DC Comics loves to go with the narrative that Jason was "bad from the start" and was the "bad robin" when, yes, he has trouble controlling his anger, but he also still is just as invested in seeing the best of Gotham City and trying to be a positive change for the world as any other DC Comics hero.
Where I get frustrated with the fandom is its ability to knit-pick every detail of a comic they don't like while completely disregarding everything that makes the comics great and worth it to read. My example being Urban Legends. To which most people had pretty mixed reactions to. I was critical of the comic at first but as it went along I ended up really liking it. I have a feeling DC Comics went to Chip Zdarsky and told him he had 6 issues to bring Jason back into the Bat Family, and honestly he didn't do a bad job. Did it feel rushed? Absolutely. I wish there was more development of Jason and Bruce's characters and their dynamic as a whole. However, where I see a lot of people being angry and upset with Urban Legends is that they feel Zdarsky needlessly wrote Jason as an incompetent fool who needs Bruce to save him.
Whether or not that was the intention of Zdarsky is up to debate. However, and this may be controversial, but I don't think he wrote Jason Todd out of character at all. For as fearsome, intimidating, and awesome as Red Hood is. Jason is a character who is absolutely driven by his emotions. Why do you think he donned the role of Red Hood? As a response to his anger towards The Joker for killing him, and towards Bruce for not taking action against The Joker and for seemingly replacing him so quickly after he died. Jason didn't care about being the murderous Robin Hood or for being the bloody hammer of justice against N*zi's and P*d*ph*les. He only cared originally about making The Joker and Bruce pay. It wasn't until he trained under the best assassins in the world and realized most of them were horrific criminals who trafficked children and were p*dos that Talia began to realize that the teachers that she sent Jason to train under started dying horrific and painful deaths.
The entire story of the Cheer story in Batman Urban Legends was started because it finally forced some consequences upon Jason. Tyler, aka Blue Hood's father was a drug dealer who gave his supply to his wife and kids. And when Tyler's father admitted he gave the drugs to Tyler, it immediately made him fall within the self-imposed philosophical kill-list of Jason Todd. And Jason, well, he proceeds to kill Tyler's father. When this happens, Jason is in shock. Tyler's dad fit the bill to easily and justifiably be killed by Jason. We've never seen Jason having to deal with the consequences of being a murderous vigilante on a micro-level. When Jason realizes what he's done in that he's murdered Tyler's dad, he's shocked. He tells Babs the truth. He does a rational thing because he's in shock. He doesn't know what to do, he never has had to face the consequences of his actions as Red Hood and now the gravity of befriending a child as a vigilante hero who kills people just set in when he killed the father of the same child he was just introduced to.
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(Oh here's a little aside because it had to be said, Jason would not have been a good father or a good mentor to Tyler and absolutely should not have been his new Robin. Jason is a man who is in his early 20's (not saying men in their early 20's can't be good fathers at all) who is a brutal serial killer using the guise of a vigilante anti-hero to let him escape most of the law. the complications of having the man who murdered your father adopt you and make you his sidekick are way too numerous for me to explain in a long-winded already heavy Tumblr essay post. There's a reason why we don't advocate for a story where Joe Chill adopted Bruce Wayne or one where Tony Zucco took in Dick Grayson.)
The next biggest argument is that they feel that Jason is giving up his guns as a means to just be invited back into the Bat-Family. To which I will tell anyone who has that argument to go actually read Urban Legends. Already have and still have that argument? Please re-read it. Don't want to? That's okay, I will paste the images from the comic where Jason specifically says that he doesn't want to give up his weapons for Bruce and his real reasoning down below since the comic isn't exactly readily accessible.
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Jason gave up the guns because he felt the gravity of what he had done and knows how it'll effect Tyler. Thankfully his mom is alive and in recovery. But Tyler doesn't have a father anymore. And Jason killed Tyler's father. It may have been in accordance to Jason's philosophy, but it was a case where it blurred the lines. Jason Todd isn't a black and white character, just very dark gray. He doesn't kill aimlessly like the Joker. If you are on Jason's list you probably have done something pretty horrific, and also just in general, being in his way or being a threat to him. Mind you, in early days of Red Hood and the Outlaws (Image below) Jason almost killed 10 innocent civilians in a town in Colorado all because they saw him kill a monster. That being said, Jason isn't aimless in his kills.
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(Also can we just take a moment to appreciate Kenneth Rocafort's art? DC Comics said we need to rehabilitate Jason Todd's image and Kenneth Rocafort said hold my beer: It's so SO GOOD)
That being said, the key emphasis in the story of Cheer asides from trying to introduce Jason Todd back into the Bat Family and give an actual purpose for him being there, other than him just kind of being there ala Bowser every time he shows up for Go Kart racing, Tennis, Golf, Soccer, and the Olympic games when Mario invites him, is that Jason and Bruce ultimately both want the same thing. Jason wants to be welcomed back into the family and to be loved and appreciated. Bruce want's Jason back as his son and wants to love and protect Jason. Both of these visions are shown in the last chapter of Cheer while under the effect of the Cheer Gas. It's ultimately this love and appreciation they both have for each other that helps them overcome their challenge and win.
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Jason Todd is a character who, just like Bruce, has been through so much pain and so much hate in his life. The two are meant to parallel each other. While Bruce chose to see the best in everyone, giving every rogue in his gallery the option to be helped and give them a second chance, hence why he never kills, Jason has a similar view on wanting to protect the public, but he understands that some crimes are so heinous they cannot be forgiven, or that some habitual criminals are due to stay habitual criminals, and need to be put down. But at the end of the day, the two of them both try to protect people in their own ways.
I am aware that through the writings of various DC Comics authors such as Scott Lobdell and Judd Winick, the two have had a very tumultuous relationship. And rightfully so, I am by no means saying that Scott Lobdell writing an arc where Bruce literally beats Jason to within an inch of his life in Red Hood and the Outlaws, nor Judd Winick's interpretation of Under the Red Hood where Bruce throws the Batarang at Jason's neck, slicing his throat and leaving him ambiguously for dead at the end of the comic is appropriate considering DC Comics seems to be trying everything they can to integrate Jason back into the family. That being said, a lot of these writings have shaped the narrative of Jason and Bruce's relationship and have an integral effect on the way the fandom views the two. It doesn't help that Zdarsky acknowledged Lobdell's life-beating of Jason by Bruce at the very end of Cheer by having Bruce give Jason his old outfit back as a means of mending the fence between the two of them. That does complicate a lot of things in terms of how they are viewed by the fandom and helps to cause an even greater divide between the two.
Regardless, I want to emphasize the fact that Jason Todd is a part of the family of his own accord. Yes, he's quite snarky and deadpan in almost every encounter. However, Jason is absolutely a part of the family and has been for a while of his own will. There's a great moment in Detective Comics that emphasizes this. Jason cares about his family because it is his found family. Yes, they may be warry about him and use him as a punching back and/or heckle him. At the end of the day, we're debating the family dynamics of a fictional playboy billionaire vigilante whose kleptomania took the form of adopting troubled children and turning them into vigilante heroes. Jason Todd wants a family that will love and support him. This is a key definition of his character at its most basic. This was proven during the events of Cheer and is being reenforced by DC Comics every time they get the opportunity to do so.
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Now, none of this is to say that I hate Judd Winick. I do not, I don't like the fact that in all of his writings of Jason, he just writes him as a dangerous psychopath, and Winick himself admits to seeing Jason as nothing much more than a psychopath. Yet Winick is the one who the majority of the fandom clings to as the one true good writer of Jason Todd because 'Jason was competent, dangerous, smart' Listen, friends, Jason is all of that and I will never deny it. However, what I love about Jason isn't that he's dangerously smart of that writers either write him as angsty angry Tumblr sexyman bait or that they write him as an infantile man child with a gun. There's a large contention of this fandom that has an obsession with Jason Todd being this vigilante gunman who is hot and sexy and while I definitely get the appeal. It is very creepy and downright disturbing that all of you hyperfixate on his use of guns and ability to be a murderer. It is creepy and I'm not necessarily here for it.
What I love about Jason Todd is that despite all of the pain, all of the heartache, all of the betrayal, and bullying, and death, and anguish. Jason Todd is one of the most loving and supportive characters in all of DC Comics. Jason has been through so much in his life, but he still chooses to love. He still chooses to see the bright side in people. Yes, he takes a utilitarian approach and chooses to kill certain villains, but at the end of the day he wants to see a better world, and he wants to be loved. It takes so much courage and so much heart to learn to love again after one has been abused or traumatized. I would not blame Jason at all if he said fuck it and just went full solo and vigilante evil. He has every right to, but he still chooses to be with the Bat Family of his own accord. That's something that I see a lot of in myself. I have been through a lot of trauma and yet I try to be a better person myself in any way that I can. It is extremely admirable of Jason to allow love back into his heart when he really doesn't need to. He kills and he protects because he has this love of society. It may have been shaped by anger and hatred, but Jason has found his place amongst people who love him and value him. I think Ducra, from Red Hood and the Outlaws put it best in the image given below.
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To end this tangent, I love Jason Todd and all of his sexy dangerousness, but it's far more than that. As much as Jason may be dangerous and snarky, he loves his family without a shadow of a doubt. I look up to Jason Todd because despite all of his pain and all of his trauma, he still choses to love. Jason Todd is a character who is someone I love because despite all of his flaws and having a very toxic fandom, he still serves as a character filled with so much heart and so much passion. I wish more writers would understand that. But for now I will live with what I have. Even though the fandom may be vocal about it's hatred for his characterization, I choose to love Jason regardless because he is a character who chooses love and acceptance regardless of his pain. Jason Todd is by no means a good person in any sense of the word. He has easily killed upwards of 100 people by now. He is a character who is flawed and complex but ultimately is one who powers forwards and finds love and heart in a place from so much pain and anguish. That is what I love about Jason Todd. After all, to quote a famous undead robot superhero, "What is grief, if not love persevering?" Jason Todd chooses to love despite all of the trauma and pain and grief. Yes, he is hardened in his exterior, but inside there is a man with a lot of love to give and someone who deserves the world in my eyes.
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sergeanthopeless · 3 years
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female Byleth S-supports ranked best to worst
(keeping my personal feelings about the pairings themselves to a minimum)
(Gilbert and Alois omitted, since those are platonic S-supports)
(warning: long post)
1. Seteth 
This S-support is about as romantic as it can get. This thing just makes my heart flutter every. dang. time. and it’s easily the best S-support in the whole game for female Byleth. There’s a REASON why a lot of people hop aboard the Setleth train after witnessing this masterpiece.
Sure, Seteth lectures his way in and out of the proposal, but let’s be real, if it was any different it would be out of character, and acting the responsible advisor is just part of his charm. Plus, he pledges utter devotion to Byleth for the rest of his existence, and we essentially get wedding vows out of this one. It doesn’t get better than that!
He’s so self-assured during this S-support, and that’s sexy. But he is patient and affectionate with her, and takes the time to make sure there’s no room for confusion. He clarifies that his feelings are not those of duty (which is a problem with some other S-supports), or an interest in perpetuating a Nabatean or Crest-rich bloodline. It’s very clear that he just wants her, and that’s it. But where others put Byleth on a pedestal, this S-support feels like an exchange between equals.
Byleth’s reaction to this one is particularly noteworthy — there’s an unusual amount of emotional expression from Byleth during this S-support, INCLUDING A FRIGGIN BLUSH! Byleth does NOT blush often during these supports. Plus, Byleth asks Seteth to promise that he’ll follow wherever she goes. Unlike some of the other S-supports, it’s very clear that she’s invested in him and wants him.
Favorite quotes:
“I cannot conceive of a world without you in it.”
“I love you, deeply. Will you marry me?”
“From this day forward, I will always be at your side. Through good or ill fortune. Through the greatest of joys and the worst of woes. No matter how daunting the task, I will be there.”
“Courage, my love. Let us go forth and face the world - together.”
2. Hubert 
I was genuinely caught off-guard with Hubert, especially since I haven’t played Crimson Flower yet and have gotten all of my impressions of Hubert from the fandom. A pleasant surprise, though, and pleasant enough to snag the #2 best S-support!
He starts with advisor nagging, which is no surprise since that’s his character. However, he doesn’t take too long to get to the point of the conversation, and everything is straightforward yet sweet. It’s very cute how he flustered he gets in the beginning, and his self-consciousness about his suitability as a husband is really sweet. But what really clinched this for me was the privilege of seeing a BLUSHY HUBERT! This surprisingly lovable psychopath gets so dang worked up and excited over Byleth giving him a ring and proposing to him right back.
Favorite quotes:
“[I’d] rather you be with me rather than some dubious individual.” (Yes, I altered the quote, but let’s be real, he wasn’t talking about Edelgard there.)
“I once thought killing you would be a great challenge, but the real difficulty was declaring my love.”
3. Ignatz 
This S-support starts with an angry Ignatz, which had me worried. Ignatz is one of those characters where I expected his apparent youthfulness to cause a problem in his S-support (it definitely causes problems in other S-supports), even though he’s actually 17 at the start of game like Felix, Dimitri, Claude, Raphael, Ferdinand, and Edelgard. So I was pleasantly surprised by the sheer maturity of his proposal!
While he’s definitely self-conscious and doesn’t even expect Byleth to accept his proposal, it says a lot that Ignatz still had the guts to do the proposing. While he expresses surpassing admiration toward Byleth as someone who supported him through troubled times, he’s not dependent or subservient. Yes, there is a prominent fixation on Byleth’s beauty, but he’s an artist, so I think that adds more meaning to what would otherwise be an extremely shallow point to make during an S-support.
Favorite quotes:
“You are my goddess.”
 “You soothed my troubled soul.”
“My beloved goddess.”
“I want to love you for all eternity.”
“I love you with all my soul.”
Hoo boy, this boy’s got a serious SILVER TONGUE on him! *fans self*
4. Lorenz 
Regardless of how you feel about Lorenz, you’ve gotta admit this is a pretty flawless proposal. He reminisces about and apologizes for the trouble he used to cause as a youth, has a smooth transition into the presentation of the ring, and then his composure falls apart when Byleth reveals she’s been wise to him all along. He’s such a perfectionist, and his determination to propose perfectly is very consistent with his character. But I also appreciate that he made sure of Byleth’s feelings before actually asking her to marry him (ring presentation aside).
This S-support makes it very clear just how much Lorenz admires Byleth, which I feel is extremely important in context of his character. He can be incredibly self-centered to the point of being downright irritating, so the fact that he’s now talking about her and is focused entirely on her shows the sincerity of his feelings and how much Lorenz has grown as a person.
The bit at the end where he gets overexcited and uses his full name is hilarious, but I’m glad the S-support doesn’t end there, which would have taken away from it. Instead, it ends with Lorenz swearing to make Byleth happy and work with her in making the world a better place. Equal partners!
The last thing that really made this S-support for me was the voice acting. The broken voice, trembling, and stammering really added emotional depth to Lorenz’s character in this critical moment, and really brought everything to the next level in terms of overall impact.
Favorite quote: “Pedigree and status are no longer priorities for me. I now know that what matters most is the worth of an individual’s soul.”
5. Felix
The moment I noticed that this S-support was taking place at the training grounds, I knew it was going to be good. And it goes exactly as you would expect with our favorite tsundere, flustered and deflecting and all, but the sheer effort that he ends up putting into it is so endearing. And I adore how Byleth messes with him the whole time.
It starts rough, let’s be real. He just hands the ring to Byleth and tells her to “take this.” Oh, Felix. This poor boy is so. friggin. hopeless. You can practically hear his thought process leading up to this point. “How do I make sure Byleth never leaves?... Ah, marriage — yes, that’ll lock her in!” *facepalm*
But Felix’s body language is what really makes this S-support, starting with the finger point and then ending with the kabedon. Plus, we get a glimpse of something very rare: blushy Felix!
Favorite quotes:
“Fight me for the rest of my life.”
“I want you to be my wife. Please say yes. Let’s get married and stay together until we die. I love you.”
6. Balthus
I really didn’t know what to expect with this one, although to be honest, what expectations I did have were fairly low. Yet despite his faults, Balthus managed to scrape together a rather charming S-support! His nervousness and stuttering is adorable for such a big, tough-talking guy, and I love that we actually get an impatient “Just say it already,” from Byleth.
It was nice to see Byleth’s good influence on Balthus, although I’m not a fan of the woman-redeems-man trope. And considering that Balthus asks for up to 5 years to get his act together…that wasn’t exactly a point in his favor.
What made this S-support for me was all of the classic lines. Balthus isn’t necessarily a smooth talker, but it would be wrong to say that he doesn’t know how to talk to a woman. The proposal itself had me ROLLING: “Marry me, pal!” The voice acting was flawless, particularly when he said, “my love.” Balthus, I’ll say this on Byleth’s behalf: please stop trying so hard. And never say that again.
Favorite quotes:
“It’s time to take the biggest gamble of my life.”
“Comfort be damned! I need you by my side. Always.”
“Let’s get hitched right away! I know a guy.”
“To look after you...and be brave enough to let you look after me. that’s what marriage is all about, right?”
S-support portraits shouldn’t really matter here, but I’m going out on a limb here and saying that Balthus’ portrait is the best one of all Byleth’s S-supports.
7. Dorothea
I have a lot of Dorothea feels, okay? She’s my baby girl. And by this point in the game, she’s so jaded and used to disappointment that it just breaks my heart. So when Byleth proposes to her, you can hear the genuine emotion in her voice. She’s so in love with Byleth, but clearly talked herself out of it long before this moment. “You won the war. You could pick anyone in the world. Why would you…?”
And then she’s so happy. It’s not fancy, but her pure happiness really makes this for me. The hopeless romantic finally getting her happy ending is just really lovely.
Favorite quote: “I starred in so many operas where I captured the heart of my beloved. But I never dreamed that it would feel this wonderful when it actually happened.”
8. Ferdinand
Oh boy, Ferdie. There wasn’t much of a preamble, and the presentation of the ring wasn’t anything special. He’s still full of himself: “You hear noble Ferdinand von Aegir declare his love for you, and all you say is, ‘I understand’?” and this S-support is more focused on him than it is on Byleth, which is exactly the opposite of what happened with Lorenz’s S-support, even though they’re similar characters.
That being said, this S-support has its moments. We get a good reaction out of him (even though it’s over the top), and we get a sign of his personal growth when he reins himself in. The trembling and feeling faint is very cute (10/10), and considering his ambitious nature, him saying that he considers winning Byleth’s heart to be one of his greatest accomplishments is sweet, as is the way he dreams about their future.
In other words, this one starts rough, but ends sweet.
Favorite quote: “I need you as much as I need my next breath — more, even.”
9. Dedue
Can we just appreciate that Dedue chose to leave Dimitri for Byleth? That is so meaningful. Dedue spends the entire game unhealthily attached to Dimitri, and finally he finds something that he chooses for himself. Of course, there is the concern that he will become unhealthily attached to Byleth, but I don’t get that impression from his S-support.
There are so many wonderful little details in this S-support. The tiny, modest ring. The straightforward proposal. Both of them gazing at each other in loving, comfortable silence afterward. Byleth’s blush. And DEDUE’S LAUGH. Just. the laugh. It’s important.
Finally, Dedue invites Byleth to come with him to visit Duscur. TAKE NOTES, CLAUDE!! Anyway…
10. Edelgard
*takes a deep breath and sets aside my feelings about Edelgard’s stance on the Children of the Goddess*
Alright, so this S-support is significant because it’s one of the few where you can tell that there is genuine affection on Byleth’s end. She really takes charge of the proposal, going so far as to use Edelgard’s nickname, “El,” to convey affection and intimacy.
At first I was concerned when I heard Edelgard say, “This ring…thank you, my dearest friend,” and I was like HOLD UP – did Byleth just get friendzoned?? But Edelgard clarifies by expressing that she has romantic feelings too, which saves the scene. But while sweet, the rest of the S-support focuses on Edelgard’s ambitions and generally lacks romance. Fitting for her character? Yes. A satisfying S-support? Not really.
11. Dimitri 
It’s clear from the beginning of this S-support that Dimitri and Byleth have become close friends. I appreciate the way they talk about their wounds, and although talking about Dimitri’s nightmares is far darker than I expected from an S-support, it shows just how much Dimitri has improved.
What disappointed me about this S-support is the lack of emotion on both sides. Sure, the “my beloved” pet name is wonderful. And sure, Byleth isn’t very emotional as a rule. But Byleth shows more emotional in other S-supports. And there is not nearly enough of a reaction on Dimitri’s side. Come on, dude. You’ve been aggressively simping over Byleth since Day 1, and you’re just taking this proposal in stride?? You should be unconscious right now.
12. Mercedes
I’m so proud of how far Mercedes has come at this point. She’s determined to live in a way that makes her happy, outside of her Crest or anyone else’s expectations. That being said, a lot of this S-support feels more like it could have been an A+ support.
Major points to Mercedes to being the one to do the proposing. A lot of people mistake her kind nature for being demure, which is not the case. She is bold, speaks her mind, and knows what she wants. And in this case, that’s Byleth. Her proposal is gentle and respectful, if a bit bland, and her reaction to Byleth’s acceptance is absolutely adorable. She’s so happy yet insecure, and I wish there was more communication from Byleth to reassure her.
13. Hanneman
Hanneman is an academic through and through, and his nature as a scholar comes through strongly in his S-support. He tries to approach things pragmatically, almost ruins things by talking about Byleth’s role in his research, but fortunately realizes that’s the wrong way to do it and takes a new approach with more feeling. It’s very similar to Linhardt’s S-support, but less self-centered and overall better. Hanneman treats Byleth as an equal, and shows enthusiasm in his own way.
Overall, this is an extremely pragmatic S-support, but it’s not without its charms. That being said, it definitely requires an interpretation of Byleth’s character where she has developed a taste for academia.
Favorite quotes:
“I suppose there’s no reason to hold ourselves back any longer.”
“I don’t want the power of your Crest - I want you.”
“I can’t wait to see the results of this undertaking.”
14. Yuri
This S-support is very consistent with Yuri’s character. The scene opens with Yuri trying to repay his “debt” to Byleth, which definitely lacks in romantic vibes, but works in context. It’s nice to see Yuri nervous and out of composure, but I admit I had been expecting…more…from him with how charming he’s supposed to be. Then again, like Sylvain, maybe the fact that he’s dropped the façade is supposed to make it meaningful. At least he blushes! Blushy Yuri is something I didn’t know I needed. The bit at the end where he whispers his true name in her ear is very nice, too.
But yikes…Yuri talks about his death. And considering that in most of the routes, Byleth ends up being most likely essentially immortal, this hits HARD. She is definitely facing the death of her lover in a few decades at most, and that is not something she wants to think about during a proposal.
Favorite quote: “In return for this ring, I ask for you.”
15. Raphael 
Raphael is a pretty clueless, non-romantic kind of guy. But the sudden proposal is very cute. Considering how awful he is at expressing himself, it works really well with his character to simply have him jump right in and get it over with.
That being said, I couldn’t help but feel that his reasoning for getting married was just a little loose. He always wants to be with Byleth and expresses that he wants to serve as her knight. Uh, you realize you can do that without marrying her right, bud? Byleth didn’t seem to be very into this proposal either, although she does have a wonderful little smile in the S-support portrait, which makes up for that. I love how the portrait emphasizes Raph’s size and strength by having him lift her up bridal style. It’s an actually flattering portrayal of him, too.
Favorite quote: “And…I’ll love you. Forever and ever. And ever!”
16. Sylvain 
Ah yes, Sylvain. Our favorite train wreck. The good news is that he’s finally taking charge of his life, and I like that he’s straightforward in this S-support rather than flirtatious, which means that you know he’s being sincere. It’s cute to see him genuinely happy, and his statement that “I’m going to spend the rest of our lives together trying to make you happy,” is very good.
However, the “If you told me you never wanted me to look at another woman, I’d go blind for you” is going too far. I know it addresses his skirt-chasing character, but I just don’t know if they could have a healthy relationship. I know this is rating the support scene, not the ship itself, but I don’t think that’s a positive indicator for the future.
17. Claude 
This S-support gives me so many bad vibes. Yes, he expresses his love for Byleth as well as his utmost confidence in her, but dude, actions matter more than words, and your actions speak VOLUMES. He’s the only one to just run off at the end of the S-support, and while I understand his reasoning — I really do — it’s clear that his own agenda and ambitions will always come before Byleth.
This is what I heard: “Right now, Fodlan is like a newborn... so that’s why I’m leaving, so you have to do all the hard stuff yourself. See ya, sucker!!” Ah yes. Prime husband and father material there. Obviously.
“I’m sorry that I won’t be by your side at such an important event...” Uh huh, yeah right. You’re obviously itching to get out of there.
I’m sorry, Claude stans, but giving Byleth an engagement ring and then running away for who knows how long is LAME.
18. Jeritza
The first thing that struck me about this S-support is the fact that it takes place in the Agarthan HQ, Shambhala. This is super meaningful because it means that Byleth and Jeritza go there together to use their killing prowess to take out Those Who Slither in the Dark post-Crimson Flower. It’s a nice way to tie up the route. The portrait is super dynamic and unique, too. That being said…
He’s still fixated on killing Byleth. If that’s your thing, then hey, I can’t judge. At least we all know that if he hasn’t killed her by now, it’s never going to happen. It’s such an empty threat it’s probably an inside joke by now. But Jeritza’s clearly still figuring out his feelings, which means I’m not sure it really counts as an S-support (it would have made a better A+ support imho). There are also things about this pairing and S-support that have some serious implications for who Byleth has become by this point and what the future is likely to look like. Good storytelling, yes, but as an S-support…not my favorite.
Favorite quotes:
“It is you alone who can slay the demon inside me.”
“To the very depths of hell, I will tumble down with you.”
19. Linhardt
This S-support falls flat for me. It’s like Hanneman’s, but worse because it’s super self-centered. I feel like it’s a really bad summary of Linhardt’s character because so much more could have been done with it. Linhardt has lots of good traits, and this S-support ignores all of them. Instead, we have a one-dimensional S-support that focuses on Linhardt’s laziness and penchant for napping. He’s so self-centered and consumed by his own interests, so saying that he wants to study Byleth for the rest of his life makes her more like an accessory to his life plans rather than a central component. At least when Hanneman says he wants to study Byleth, he makes it very clear that he loves her and wants her as a person.
And the line where he says "I didn’t honestly think you’d reject me” is just…wow. Much disappoint. If I were Byleth I would turn him down on the spot just for saying that.
20. Ashe 
Ashe’s S-support comes off to me like he’s pledging himself to her as a vassal more than actually proposing. Yes, he does take initiative and does the proposing, which is consistent with the fact that Ashe is a gutsy little guy. But he’s so stuck on being helpful that the S-support ends up feeling immature. Plus, Byleth doesn’t seem very enthusiastic about the proposal compared to other S-supports, and overall Ashe’s worship of Byleth comes off as more dependent than romantic.
21. Caspar
We’ve reached the bottom four S-supports, starting with this disaster. Caspar is juvenile, reckless, and oblivious. (Don’t get me wrong — I adore his character and see him like a little brother.) Byleth has to take charge of the proposal, which is not a problem in itself, but then Caspar confesses that he hasn’t even thought about marrying Byleth — or anyone at all! asaslkjasdflk FAIL
At least the victory shout is kind of cute…if painfully cheesy.
And they get worse from here…
22. Rhea
I don’t have a lot to say here. I know I said that I would keep my personal feelings about the pairings themselves out of this, but I feel like there are certain things about this particular pairing that need to be addressed along with this S support.
Age gap aside (because frankly with immortals, age doesn’t really matter anymore), Rhea CREATED Byleth’s mother, essentially making herself Byleth’s grandmother. Incest vibes, yo. Plus, she fully intended to sacrifice Byleth’s life in order to bring back Sothis — which, granted, is a sentiment that wears off, and Jeritza is just as bad in terms of original intent to kill Byleth. This makes any kind of romantic revelation on Rhea’s side just…weird.
There are some good quotes in this S-support, and we get a ton of reveals about Rhea’s character development in a short amount of time. She’s self-conscious of her other form as a dragon, she acknowledges the wrongs she did in the past, and she expresses a desire to repent. She acknowledges the pivotal role that Byleth has played through her choices and accomplishments, rather than attributing them to fate and the “flow of time.” But honestly this would be more appropriate as a final scene at the end of the game, not a romantic S-support.
23. Cyril
Oh boy. Where do I start with this one? It’s so bad...
This boy is BABY. 19 years old after the war? Sure. Attractive design? Yes. But still, he. is. BABY. And the S-support portrait makes it so much worse by making him look freaking TEN.
And he’s so, so oblivious. Even worse than Caspar. He barely has a personality as a character outside of being committed to the servant mentality, and he has had no opportunity to discover himself as a freaking person outside of his obsession with Rhea. It should be illegal to even consider this kid for S-support. One thing would be if it was platonic, like Alois or Gilbert, but Byleth gives him the ring, and that means it’s supposed to be romantic.
Plus, Cyril says that he loves Byleth, but it’s super casual and comes off more like familial or friendship love rather than romantic love. Unless I missed something, I don’t think Byleth ever says that she loves Cyril in their S-support. And the end is just the worst: “Love ya, see ya in the morning.” That’s IT???? There is absolutely no indication of a mature relationship, and that’s just scary and gross.
I just…really hate this S-support. There’s only one S-support that’s worse…
24. Sothis
Forget everything that I said about keeping my feelings about particular pairings out of this ranking. This is a TRULY CURSED S-SUPPORT.
I don’t care that Sothis is technically a goddess whose age is beyond counting or mortal comprehension. All that matters is she looks like a child. She is lolibait. And to top it all off, she doesn’t even have physical form (thank goodness) — she’s just an apparition in Byleth’s head!
And this quote? “I love you deeply! Overwhelmingly! passionately! Ours is a love without an end!” I only have two words: PEAK CRINGE.
It would be one thing if Sothis came back in her adult form. Or better yet, if she had always been in her adult form as portrayed in the fresco in the reception hall. You can do something with that. But that’s not the case, Sothis is portrayed as a pre-pubescent child in both appearance and personality, and that’s just pedophilia vibes, y’all. I can’t believe this is a sincere S-support option.
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caelumsnuff · 2 years
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why do you think Milo should have been clawed/killed during the Inversion? 👀 and any other Inversion thoughts if you wish to share them?
Why thank you for asking! This is gonna be so long!
Prefacing this by saying that, besides the usual issue of events and actions not having proportional consequences and effects on the story, I think Inversion was written okay. I will complain about how the effects of Inversion didn’t last anywhere near as long as they should have, but there is nothing offensive about the way it was written, unlike the usual things i complain about on this blog. This is me nitpicking (for lack of better word) the writing and doing a little bit of speculative rewrite for the sake of what i think would have made for a more satisfying and impactful story.
I kinda understand why no major characters died permanently. Redacted is trying to balance the traditional ASMR RP thing of having comfort characters, and telling a story, which makes it hard to make the decision to kill well-known and loved characters, but that makes Inversion seem like much less of a disastrous event like he wanted it to be.
So before i get into the Milo thing, my other thoughts about Inversion first; Xavier’s death was empty. He was a side character that was mentioned by name a few times, we talked to him like twice, and knew next to nothing about aside from the fact that he was a friend of Hux’s, a ridiculously strong fire contra-elemental, and the head of a sports team. The emotional impact of his death was nearly non-existent because we as an audience didn’t have any very strong emotional investment in him as a character, and neither did any of the characters in canon (aside from maybe Hux). Gavin and Freelancer’s reaction to his death, while not unwarranted, could have been far more impactful if he was someone who meant a lot to both of them. Yes, watching anybody die in front of you would be traumatic and incredibly distressing, but watching a dear friend die? Watching someone you know and love and admire have the life drained from them before your very eyes? Feeling their fear as they face a terrifying creature from death? Being absolutely frozen and powerless as it happens? That is an emotionally impactful moment that warrants spectacular feats of magic being ripped from the very depths of your being. And for these very reasons, I offer up the idea that Lasko should have been the one to die here. He was a close friend to both Freelancer and Gavin, and the effect of his death would have been felt deeply by both the audience and the characters. Plus, i think it would have made a lot of sense for Lasko’s character. I don’t think im wrong in saying Lasko is the type of character to not have the best sense of self worth. I think he’s the type of guy to put himself between his loved ones and danger, if not because he doesn’t value himself, at least because he cares about his friends more than himself. I also have a thing for juxtaposition and parallels in stories, and im a sucker for the “moment of strength in a life of weakness” type thing (and the inverse “moment of weakness in a life of strength” too). Lasko is and always has been an anxious, non-confrontational guy so him fighting is not going to be something we see from him often, if ever. But i do think Lasko taking a stand, being courageous when he’s shaking and full of fear, and standing between death and his friends while insuring them that everything is going to be okay, would have been an incredibly emotionally impactful moment and a good end for his beloved character. It could have been a moment to show all that he is as a character, and the hurt that it would have caused Gavin and Freelancer would have been proportional, and that's not even mentioning the emotional impact it would have had on Hux and Damien as well.
Okay so Milo. To be more specific than i was in my other post, i think Milo and Asher should have switched places during Inversion. I think Milo should have been trapped inside the stadium with David, and Ash should have been trapped outside of it. There are several reasons for this, but again, i want to clarify that i don’t think their situations were written badly aside from their injuries lasting nowhere near as long as they should have and not being as severe as they should have. Milo’s shifting problem was solved in two videos and Ash walked away with some cool ass scars, and that's the end of it. I think that’s ridiculous, but aside from that their actions made enough sense and did something to the people around them (particularly David, he had to hold his best friend in his arms wondering if he was going to die or not, and was ultimately able to heal him, but this undoubtedly fucked him up a little bit). I think Milo’s actions made sense character-wise, he is a little short-fused, and would do something as stupid and self-endangering as being a conduit for a ridiculous amount of magic when he doesn’t even know if it will accomplish what he needs. It was also another instance of him not being able to do a lot to help, which really lines up with his image of himself, especially with being insecure about being the smallest wolf of his pack. It highlighted his insecurities in a way which i don’t think is a bad thing.
But the attack during E&E games was foreshadowed with him and his story, and while now it does act as a sort of red herring with him being the one attacked with the singular shade that escaped and Sweetheart healing him, i wish this would have been a little bit more of proper foreshadowing and been used as a point of parallel.  Your audience should be rewarded for paying close attention to your story and noticing foreshadowing for what it is by you following through with what you foreshadowed.
So how does he and Asher end up switching places? I don’t know, but perhaps they were simply scheduled for eachother’s current positions, or they switched momentarily for sometime for some reason during the event, whatever. He should have been doomed from the start, and those of us who remembered and paid attention to his past and story should have known he was going to die the moment he gets shut inside that ward with those shades. We should have been clenching our chest because we know; This is where he dies. Everything goes as it does in canon, except with Milo in Asher’s place. Him and David make it through to the point that they meet up with Sam, they’re battered but they’re alive and they can push themselves to fight for a bit longer. We already know because of Milo’s actions in canon that he’s a little reckless, is a little insecure and doesn’t value himself nearly as much as he should, and he loves his friends enough to put himself in the jaws of death for them, and i think that is exactly what he should have done here.
Him and David are fighting in their wolf forms, protecting the people inside the stadium and scaring off shades. They are a little ways away from eachother but not too far. From across the stadium he sees David start to be swarmed by shades. He’s fighting them off, but more keep coming, and he’s getting tired. They’re becoming less fearful of the wolves. When Milo notices as two, three, four shades get closer to David, his body moves on instinct towards him. He needs to protect him, he needs to keep his alpha safe. The pack needs David, the people in this stadium need David, his human mate needs David. He doesn’t think about the fact that he too has a mate, or about how he has friends in the pack, or how people love him right in that moment, he just moves. He growls and swipes at the shades but they don’t back off of David. He’s a strong wolf, but he’s small, and he moves on to do the only thing he can think of in that moment: put himself between the shades and David. The shades swipe right through his thick fur, claw deep lines into his chest. He whimpers and shifts, and his human form falls to the ground, quiet. Sam speeds over to fight off the shades as David shifts to cradle Milo in his arms as he calls out his name, trying to get a response out of him. Nothing. No snarkly responses or “Ow”s like when his mate healed him before. Silence. His breathing slows, his body is starting to lose warmth fast from how much blood he’s losing. The smell burns in David’s sensitive nose, and he screams out for Sam to please help him. Sam and David put their hands to Milo’s chest, David trying his damnedest to heal Milo. One of his own, one of his wolves. Someone he was supposed to protect.
Because they are no where near as close as him and Asher, he doesn’t know his magic as well, and he is not nearly as successful in healing him. From here you could do two things: have David be able to heal him well enough to save his life, but have him end up in a coma, or... Kill him here. Perhaps, even, he ends up in a coma and ultimately dies while in it after Inversion is over, but i would prefer him dying here if i’m being honest.
So he dies in his alpha’s arms, who’s life he just saved with his own.
Now this scene doesn’t have exactly the same effect as holding your best friend on their death bed, but adds a different type of guilt and remorse on David’s plate. He’s the alpha of the pack, and thus far he’s been doing a great job and he knows it. He’s not insecure in his position or his performance as an alpha of  the most influential pack in Dahlia, this however very much could change that!!! Maybe Milo isn’t his best friend, but they are childhood friends nonetheless, and he’s a member of his pack. Milo is someone he was supposed to protect, and instead he died saving David’s life. He would definitely beat himself up over this, and question the legitimacy of his position if he can’t so much as save one of his own. Fuck that man up mentally over it. When he lies awake at night, he can feel Milo’s warm blood on his hands, can swear he feels the smell of it burning in his nose.
As for Asher, we rarely ever get to see him take up authority and act in his position as beta in an incredibly influential pack, and i think him being locked out of the stadium dealing with the department would be a great chance to do so. Milo has stated before how Asher gets real serious when it comes down to it, and i want to see this. I want our soft, playful, gentle Asher to be the one to put his foot down in front of a director. He has power, and he should be able to use it. While i think the “touch me and your life will be measured in milliseconds”  line hits when Milo says it, I think it would slap me in the face if it came out of Asher’s mouth. Maybe the beta of the pack would have lit a fire under the ass of the department to get things moving and the absorbing warding magic thing wouldn’t have had to happen, but i also think it’s something he could coordinate. I think if the department didn’t move, he would take things into his own hands, the consequences be damned. He coordinates the magic flooding with someone outside the stadium that can take Lasko’s place and do what he did in canon (cause in my version of this Lasko is dead dead ❤), and go with sweetheart to draw a bunch of magic into his body. This stops him from shifting just like it did to Milo in canon (but for longer than just two videos btw).
I think killing Asher and Milo would be a little much, particularly on David. I think having a childhood friend die in his arms, only for him to get out of the ward and to find out his beta and best friend is also dead would be a lot, especially after he ordered the ward be closed to protect people outside of it in the first place. That would be a cruel turn of events for him, but Asher should definitely be hurt and unable to shift for a long while. I’d like to imagine David didn’t even know Asher was outside the stadium the entire time. He couldn’t hear him or feel him and didn’t know if it was because he died or not, so when the ward comes down, and he sees Asher standing outside of it, he breaks down crying. Hugging Asher, sobbing after losing a member of his pack and childhood friend, he’s at the very least glad that Asher is alive and well (for the most part) in his arms.
I think if Asher died from this, Milo would have to go into a coma and wake up from it eventually. I cannot imagine how badly it would hurt David to get out of that stadium to find Asher dead. If this happened i’d expect a similar breakdown that Asher got in the other scenario when Milo wakes up. Either way, David is getting lots of trauma from this.
So yeah! I think their characters could have been used in a little bit of a better way in this situation. Killing Milo via getting clawed by a shade carries through on his foreshadowing, and alongside killing Lasko (like i think should have happened), would have made the impacts of Inversion feel far greater than they currently do. This would have really nailed home just how big of a deal Inversion was, or how big Redacted wanted it to be.
Thank you for asking, i had a blast writing this and i may have aheem aheem whimpered while doing so. 
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madillhethen · 3 years
Text
KnK ep 5 part 1
Paradox Paradigm (what a cool title) also since this episode is long I’m gonna separate this in two posts.
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Remember we found Sakura’s progenitor in ep 3? Well, here’s Shirou’s: Tomoe Enjou.
Orange hair who sees no value in his self, loses an arm, sacrifices himself for someone else, that one fight with the guy who had similar color scheme with Archer 😂.
Enjou was a sad character. I like him though, was interesting to watch this crazily confusing episode unfold. The episode actually introduced him as the protag here rather than Shiki but Shiki being our heroine saves him early on. The fact he just goes and confesses he’s a killer from the get-go but his reaction does not scream killer and maybe that’s why Shiki is unfazed (I mean she knows about murderers as according to her, she is one).
We get to see their friendship unfold as he stays at her place. Poor guy only got fed Häagen-Dazs, I’m gonna say this is the food ‘murderers’ eat from here on out. If you’re not eating Häagen-Dazs, can you even say you’re a ‘murderer’?
Some wacky stuff of time seems to be going on. But the first half of the movie I’m more invested to see where Enjou and Shiki’s friendship goes and how he plays a part and who actually murdered who since his mom looked like she killed him but then he says he killed his parents yet we saw them alive when the police came.
Something about seeing Shiki express so many emotions in this movie was refreshing. It made me happy to see her laugh at Enjou, talking to him about dating and complimenting him while she was swinging her feet. Ahhh, and then her stabbing her pillow because she’s upset on Mikiya for leaving for so long! I loved this.
I guess the friendship was more Enjou falling in love with her, and he so outwardly confesses to her but we all know Shiki is in love with Mikiya. It’s so blatantly obvious, poor Enjou didn’t stand a chance. And when she asks him to die for her, Enjou gets all happy and confirms it, his sense of worth is really low and that’s pretty sad. But I love the foil between this scene with the one we got introduced with her nearly killing Mikiya when in high school.
Enjou confirms with a smile that he’d die for Shiki. Mikiya in fear confesses that he didn’t want to die. I think this contrast is wonderful. We always think of appeasing the ones we love and turning a blind eye but it’s always more powerful to remain who you are while retaining the ones we love. It kind of reminds me of how Shirou tells Sakura he would admonish her if she did something bad. I like these types of relationships.
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Look at young Touko, so pretty and oh look, Willy Wonka and Progenitor Kirei are her classmates.
Jokes aside, Souren Araya is the main antagonist which surprised me he gets full on screen time in this episode considering we on episode 5 and there’s still plenty to go through. Anyways I’ll cover these three in part 2.
Enjou turns out not to be the real one. He’s a doll created by Souren. For how human like they are, makes me wonder about the body Shirou gets in the Heaven’s Feel movie. Enjou sacrifices himself for Shiki despite knowing it was hopeless, that Mikiya was the one she loved, and that was so heroic. Denying the existence he was made for, choosing to believe that regardless of what Souren tells him this was all his choice and in turn Shiki puts an end to Souren thanks to Enjou.
The ending of this film was so sad. It was a nice wrap up considering there was so much happening in this movie.
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There’s something I just really loved of this sendoff.
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The way they both walk different directions to their own doors but still turn around to see each other off. This friendship was so sad and beautiful. I’m glad Shiki made a friend even if he was ‘fake’.
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Tricked Into It (Greg Gerwitz x Reader)
Word Count: 1,957
Pairing: Greg Gerwitz aka Mouse x Reader
Summary: Ever since your last breakup with someone who cheated and abused the love you had for them, you have been wary of dating. And it doesn’t help when your friend Kim Burgess won’t stop pestering you about some cute techie guy at the 21st District.
Warnings: talk of bad relationship (cheating, emotional abuse, PTSD from the relationship), descriptions of what might be an anxiety attack (I described feeling anxious but it ended up bordering on what could have almost been an attack.)
A/N: So I am working on a Kelly Severide Imagine, but I’m a but stuck on it so I came up with the idea that I take the last imagine I wrote, the other Mouse Imagine and make it into a little series of one shots, mainly cause I wanted to explore the relationship of Mouse and this librarian!reader. So this is a sort of prequel to the first Mouse imagine, how they first met which is talked about in the other imagine.
HERE is the first Librarian!Reader fic if you want to check it out!!
If you want to be added to my tags, just ASK!!
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“Kim, I swear to god!”
You slammed your book shut with a snap and looked up at the Chicago police officer, aka Kim Burgess aka your best friend, in front of you. She looked almost as annoyed as you felt, rolling her eyes and sitting down on your couch across you in your reading chair. Kim had come over after her shift at the 21st District ended, and only after a couple of minutes of peace, Kim started up on her latest crusade; your love life.
“Y/N...”
“No! I get that you care, believe me, but I don’t need you trying to set me up with someone.” You said with a heavy sigh. 
Kim scooted closer to you and leaned forward, trying to catch your eye which was avoiding hers, “Hey,” She paused and waited for you to look her in the eye, “I just want you to be happy. And I think this guy is a good match for you. Much better than -”
“Don’t say their name.”
“...Fine. But Mouse is so your type!”
You were about to start arguing again when her words actually registered into your head, “His name is Mouse? There is no way that this cop’s name is Mouse.”
“Okay one, he isn’t a cop. He is a tech expert that works with Intelligence, a civilian hired by the unit and the department. And two, Mouse is just what everyone calls him, its a nickname from when he was younger.” Kim explained.
“Tech guy?” 
“Yeah, crazy smart when it comes to hacking and stuff like that. He got the job after hacking into Voight’s cell phone in like a couple of seconds. And he was in the Rangers with Jay, plus he is pretty funny and cute.”
You looked away from Kim as you thought it through. Clearly Kim was just looking out for you, but there was no way this guy, this super-smart-tech-genius-ex-ranger, could ever be interested in someone like you. You were just a simple librarian at Chicago Public Library, living alone aside from your cat companion, Geraldine. You hadn’t done anything extraordinary with your life, and as your thought process started to spiral in an anxious tizzy, you started to shake your head.
“No, no I can’t see this guy. He wouldn’t want to get stuck with some boring librarian.” You said, your body shrinking in on itself as your self confidence crumbled. All the comments your ex significant other made to you while you were still dating came popping up into your mind one after the other after the other. Comments on your weight, your looks, how you were boring and that was why they stepped out and cheated on you any chance they could. Tears were misting in your eyes and you tried blinking them away, not wanting to cry in front of Kim.
“Y/N-”
“I mean it Kim. Drop it.”
Kim looked you over and saw how you had retreated into yourself, clearly looking uncomfortable with the topic. That’s when she sighed and nodded, forcing a small smile on her face, “Okay.”
                                                        ---
A week has passed since the confrontation with Kim about that techie guy, and you were slowly trying to purge the whole instance from your head and get back to your quiet life. Every once in a while, the conversation would slide to the forefront of your mind, along with your anxiety-fueled spiral about your ex, and you would try and shake away the ordeal. It had made you feel small and disgusting thinking about your ex and how your self worth was diminished because of them, and you never wanted to go back to that place again. Even if that meant never being in another relationship again.
On Friday, you had gotten a text from Kim around midday about having a girl’s night and heading out to have a drink at Molly’s, this pub which had become pretty popular with the cops of the Intelligence Unit. You had been once before, and one of the owners, Gabbie Dawson, was really nice to you when Kim introduced her. So you agreed, excited to go out and hang out with Kim. 
Once you got out of work around 6, you got back to your small one bedroom apartment and fed Geraldine before retreating to your room to figure out what to wear. You settled on a pair of slender black pants and a long sleeved dark green blouse matched with a pair of green heels. Once you showered, dried and got your hair the exact way you like it, added a little makeup and got dressed, it was time to head out and meet Kim at Molly’s. You drove to the neighborhood where the pub was, some cars already lining the streets letting you know that Molly’s would probably be busy.
You parked, and hurried to get inside, pulling your winter coat around you a litter tighter as a gust of wind tried to chill you to the bone. The November night air was lung chilling and while you weren’t dressed like those young twenty-somethings with short dresses and no coats, you still did not want to waste another second with the wind chill. Once you got in, you saw that your assumption about the pub being busy was right, many people scattered around the bar, others in groups were seated or standing next to tables against the other wall. You looked around, trying to catch Kim’s face in the crowd but having trouble with how crowded. You pealed off your coat and made your way to the bar where you saw an older man behind the counter, cleaning off a glass. 
“Excuse me?” You said, slipping into the space in front of the bar, and accidentally grazing your arm against the guy sitting down to your right, “Oh sorry.” You said quickly to the guy, not really looking in his direction so you didn’t notice when he started staring at you in awe.
“What can I get ya?” The older man said as he put the glass down and gave you his full attention.
“I know this is probably a long shot, but my friend comes to this bar a lot and I was just wondering if you’ve seen her tonight? Kim Burgess?”
“Ah! I know Burgess. From the 21st District?”
“Yeah! Yes, that’s her.”
The man smiled before turning around and grabbing something from behind the bar and then turned back to you, “I haven’t seen her, but she called about 5 minutes ago saying that her friend would be stopping by tonight. She also said to get her a vodka cranberry on her and to give her this.”
He handed you a napkin and then turned away, most likely to get your drink ready. You looked down at the napkin with a rough note written on it, reading out loud the note, “Hey, something came up super last minute, have a drink on me and enjoy the night. Sorry, --Kim.”
“Sorry about that, kid.” The man said as he returned with your drink, giving you a warm smile that also had a hint of pity in it. 
“No problem. It’s not your fault.”
With one more smile he headed towards the other end of the bar, leaving you with your drink. You let out a sigh and brought the drink to your lips, trying to figure out what you were going to do next when a voice from next to you started speaking.
“You’re friends with Burgess?”
Looking over, it was the guy you had apologized to earlier. Now that you weren’t in a rush to find Kim, you got a good look at him. He had brown hair, you could almost consider it floppy-like if it didn’t also have a clean-cut feel to it. The man’s eyes were bright blue, and they looked at you with a mix of intrigue and surprise. He was wearing a blue button-up which matched his eyes, the first few buttons undone.
“Yeah, do you know her?” You asked. He nodded and looked down to his beer bottle, his fingers anxiously playing with the paper label.
“I-I work with her at the district.” He explained. “Are you one of her flight attendant friends?”
“No, god no. I’m a librarian at the Chicago Public Library.”
“Oh, that’s cool.”
“You don’t have to lie. I know it’s boring..”
“No! I genuinely think it’s cool. I-I mean I’m not a huge book guy myself but-but I did read a lot of Shakespeare in school and that was really cool, especially the-the one about the guy who dressed as a woman to hide from a mob or something and everyone thought he was a witch?” The guy rambled, his face flushing as he tried to save himself. You smirked at the clumsiness of his words and took a drink of your cocktail.
“The Merry Wives of Windsor?” You offered, and the guy snapped at the name.
“Yeah, yeah. The whole play now that I think about it went over my head at 16. But I was too interested in the Blackhawks and code. Like-Like the game that happened the other night, I was invested until that left winger from the Rangers totally checked Hartman and they put-”
“Hartman in the penalty box! Yes!! With only 3 minutes left on the clock and the take out the best right winger on the ice.” You jumped in, a smile growing on your face as the topic of hockey came up. “If he was still playing the Blackhawks would have got at least 2 more points and would have won instead of losing to the worst team in the league.”
The guy sputtered his drink and starts laughing, and immediately think its cause you had embarrassed yourself and he was laughing at you, not what you said. That was until he smiled at you and nodded his head. 
“I couldn’t have said it better myself.”
You felt a small fluttering in you chest when he smiled, something about him not making you nervous or anxious which was a change. With a smile on your own face, you put your hand out to him, “I’m Y/N by the way. Y/N L/N.”
“Greg Gerwitz.” Greg took your hand and shook it, lingering for a couple extra seconds before pulling away. “Or you can call me Mouse.”
You froze as he said that, your eyes widening in shock. He seemed to see your reaction and frowned, “Or not?”
“No, sorry.” You said quickly, trying to recover. “It-Its just that Burgess has been trying to set me up with you for the last few weeks.”
“Wait...oh! You’re that librarian! Burgess has been telling me about you too.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, says how you are the best person ever and that I would like you the minute we met.” He chuckled. Greg smirked and turned more towards you, “And she wasn’t wrong.”
You flushed, feeling the heat of your blush against your cheeks as his smirk widened. It was quiet between the two of you as the pub continued with it’s noise like it wasn’t watching the start of something amazing. Greg then spoke up, getting your attention again, “Hey, I know this might seem fast but I really like talking to you.”
“I really like talking to you too.”
“Really?” He asked, his face getting red again as his smirk melted away into a nervous smile, “Well, what would you say about a date? Maybe the Blackhawks game tomorrow?”
It took quicker than you thought, but all your anxiety from the week before seemed like a long lost bad dream and you just wanted to spend some time with Greg Gerwitz.
“I would love to.”
ONE CHICAGO TAGS: @carnationworld​ 
NORMAL TAGS:  @l4life​ @ithoughtiwasflying
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littlesniggy · 3 years
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That demon admiral headcanon got me thinking, IF they happened to fall in love with a human even though they see humans as lesser creatures. This human just some how makes them tick, how will it go down ?!
Hi Anon! Thank you so much for requesting! I actually can't believe how many requests regarding the admirals I've received! But I can't complain 😂 But I hate to break it to you, admiral demons will NEVER fall in love. I know I crushed your and my fragile little heart but that's just how it is. I hope you can forgive me.
Warnings: a little suggestive maybe, nothing graphic I think, unrequited love
Demon! Admirals 'falling in love' headcanons (but not really lol)
Sakazuki
Well, as I said before, he sees humans as less than demons and he will NOT fall in love with one. That’s maybe also due to the fact that I picture demons not feeling any ‘positive’ emotions that humans feel like empathy, sympathy, love, compassion, etc. They do, however, feel or rather depict all those things that are considered sinful like greed, lust, envy, wrath, etc.
SOO, the closest Sakazuki, or any of the demon admirals for that matter, will come to ‘loving’ someone will be the feeling of lust towards you. I know, it hurts but Sakazuki will not fall for you. You should be grateful that he even takes a second look at you and considers even engaging with you in the first place.
His interest will probably manifest in the way that he will actually talk to you more than one-worded answers. Don’t get me wrong, he won’t have a full on conversation with you but he will find out more about you, mostly things he can use to against you in the future (and it won’t take him long to figure things out. He’s a demon, he knows the deepest and darkest desires of them).
If he notices that he might be interested in a lowly human he will be disgusted with himself, for sure. He can’t except that he stooped so low as to even consider using one of your dirty holes to please himself. If he can (and this demon has a lot of self-control) he will stay away from you and won’t even think twice about you from then on. He will send his underlings to deal with your shit and will eventually collect your debt to him.
I can see it being slightly different if you try and seduce him if you’re really brave enough. And you won’t even know if he’s interested in you so it’s a shot in the dark. And even if you try and seduce him and he actually is somewhat intrigued it won’t necessarily lead to anything steamy. As I said before, this demon has a lot of self-control so you need to be really convincing to actually get anything out of this other than being scared to death by his reaction.
So, all I’m saying is that it’s highly unlikely for anything to happen between the two of you. You can say good bye to the thought of him falling in love with you simply because he can’t feel love and in his eyes you’re nothing better than a cockroach, maybe a sexy cockroach if there’s something special about you. Sorry.
Borsalino
Like Sakazuki, this demon does not feel love and quite frankly, even if he could he doesn’t see the need to spend the limited amount of time you have left on earth being all lovey-dovey. He has the mindset that humans are disposable and all of them are the same so why should he invest more time into something that isn’t beneficial to him like love. He has lots and lots of other humans who can give him the same/more attention than you can.
He does, however, engages with humans when he finds them amusing and some way. He can never pin point as to what peaks his interest because it’s always something different but it only takes him a split second to find out if you’re worth it or not. If you are, be prepared for a lot of manipulation and mind-games. If he notices that you might be interested in him he will take advantage of this fact all he wants. If he feels like it, he can even pretend to care about you but don’t be fooled – as I said, he is just pretending.
Borsalino will much rather see you as his little monkey he can train to act and behave the way he wants to. The funniest thing for him to do will make you do things you actually don’t want to. As a reward, he will give you what you want; attention, sex, affection, whatever you want. This way, he can figure out more things about you and it will be an even bigger pleasure when he breaks it to you that he has fulfilled his end of the contract and now it’s time for you to pay your end.
But let’s just assume for a moment that he is interested in you, maybe not necessarily in an affectionate way but he doesn’t despise you. He can spoil you in a way that he won’t require payment from you (at least not for small things). To be honest, the darker your requests for him, the more likely he is to fulfill them without payment.
He is a demon, so he enjoys sex. It’s ironic, but he’s a God when it comes to sex and it’s one of the few pleasures he actually enjoys doing with humans (other than taunting). So, consider yourself ‘lucky’ if he’s maybe a little nicer to you and engages with you more than once or twice. It means that he’s not loathing you entirely. That’s the closest he’ll get to ‘falling in love’ with you.
Kuzan
No ‘falling in love’ here either for this demon. He’s not really interested in humans so you need to have something really special about yourself to even catch his attention. He’s not too different from Sakazuki in that matter but for a different reason. Sakazuki sees humans as nothing more than trash (or cockroaches) and Kuzan feels like they’re simply wasting his time so he’s rather annoyed by them.
So, when you catch his attention in any way (doesn’t matter if in a good or a bad way) he will notice you. It’s on you to decide what you want to do with his attention because, even though I might didn’t make this point in my last post, he has no qualms about destroying you either; his demeanor can fool you easily. He’s a demon, after all, so you need to think really hard how you would like things to go from here on.
Assuming you caught his attention in a good way, he will try to figure out (and succeed) your deepest desires and maybe, just maybe, will fulfill one or two of them ‘free of charge’. He will talk to you a little more, try and get to know you better but, then again, don’t be fooled by him. His laid-back manner makes him easy to talk to and you might actually see him as some kind of ‘friend’ or even ‘lover’ if you got him to get intimate with you (and believe me, you want to get intimate with this demon!). But deep down he is as rotten as the other two.
I wouldn’t go so far as to say that he will pretend to be in love with you but for his own amusement he will engage with you a little more than he usually would with others. If he feels like it, he might even tell you something about himself but you need to be really lucky (or unlucky) for this to happen. I mean, why would he tell you something about himself/hell in the first place when he will most likely see you there eventually again and he can simply show you around, explain all the hellish tortures you will endure during your stay there. So, why spoil the fun? On the other hand, he can’t deny that it might kind of turn him on to see the disturbed look on your face if he tells you about all the abhorrent things in hell that will be done to you.
One sign that he might actually considers you less annoying than other humans and convinced him to sleep fuck with you is when he lets you stay by his side for a moment after sex, have you curl up next to him, maybe even letting your head rest on his chest but this rarely happens.
So yeah, I’m sorry these probably weren’t the headcanons you wanted to read but I don’t see any of them ever falling in love simply because I don’t think that demons can fall in love. Your chances at getting fucked by one (even Sakazuki once in a blue moon) is much more likely. But don’t worry, anyone who made a contract with a demon (and you need to make one in order for them to actually notice you) will eventually end up in hell and can spend their time with them forever 💕
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Anakin is to blame for his fall.
Anakin bears final blame for his state of being.
It is true that he was raised fatherless as a slave, taken away from his mother and only security while only nine years old to be raised by a religious group he knew nothing of prior to meeting one of its practitioners.
It is true that he was met with skepticism and suspicion upon arriving, being deemed too old to train and thus picked on my his peers.
It is true that his relationship with his master was rocky, and that Obi-Wan could not be outspoken and honest about his love for his apprentice.
It is true that his fears were realized when his nightmares about his mother’s death became reality, and that he was overtly prevented from coming to her aid.
It is true that he was was required to bury his volatile emotions underneath the surface, to shut up and never bring them up and let them go.
It is true that despite being married to a loving wife, he had to hide the marriage from the public and live with a secret he knew may ruin his reputation and sever his connection to the order.
It is true that he did stand up for Ahsoka, that he did want the best for his own apprentice while she was being falsely accused of murder.
It is true that Anakin was barely even an adult when he fell to the Dark Side, terrified of losing Padmé, of losing their children of knowing that the nightmares may once again come true unless he acted to prevent it.
It is true that Palpatine manipulated and groomed Anakin all the while, sensing both his power and his vulnerability and feeding off of his weaknesses.
It is true that the Jedi did not have the tools to aid Anakin, or to give him the psychiatric help he would have needed in order to function within society given his traumatic childhood and difficult upbringing.
But it was Anakin who would not trust his loved ones, who would not believe they had the best intentions. It was Anakin who adhered to Palpatine’s constant reassurance of his greatness, his value, his power.
Ahsoka explained why she left, that she couldn’t trust the order that had not stood up for her - but Anakin still took it personally, as if she was abandoning him and without taking her feelings into the equation.
The Jedi order were clear with their rules, they put up guidelines and restrictions to follow, and Anakin still broke them.
Obi-Wan may not have been able to profess his love for Anakin out loud, but if Anakin had taken the time, he would have noticed and realized that Obi-Wan did love him - and that in spite of the fact that Obi-Wan knew he was not supposed to develop emotional attachments.
Padmé may have been selfish and codependent on Anakin and much as he was on her, and she did condone and forgive his murdering an entire village - but she did put her foot down when it went too far, and she did tell Anakin that she loved him and would have forgiven him once more despite knowing he had murdered children if he had only listened to her.
But Anakin didn’t listen. Anakin never listened. Anakin is a loving and emotional man, yes, but he is also hopelessly inept when it comes to taking the people he loves’ feelings into account. 
Anakin loves Ahsoka, therefore she should stay with the order even if it’s not fair to her. Anakin loves Obi-Wan, therefore Obi-Wan should always praise him and be openly proud and verbally supportive of him. Anakin loves Padmé, therefore she should always forgive and support him whatever he does, even if that includes killing innocent people. Anakin loves his mother, therefore killing an entire village in cold blood as revenge is a fair retribution.
Anakin loves Ahsoka, but her state of mind is worth less than Anakin’s. Anakin loves Obi-Wan, but his dedication to the order and to himself is worth less than Anakin’s need for validation. Anakin loves Padmé, but her unrelenting love and forgiveness doesn’t matter if she won’t follow him to the end of the line.
Anakin promises to save his mother, and he does come for her but it’s too late. Anakin promises to clear Ahsoka’s name, and he does but she rejects the order either way. Anakin is bashful upon learning that Obi-Wan is proud of him, but he still second guesses and doubts the sincerity behind it. Anakin promises Padmé he will save her, although she doesn’t care if she dies as long as her child(ren) lives and Anakin can’t accept that.
Anakin doesn’t care if Ahsoka, Obi-Wan or Padmé are happy or satisfied with any outcome. What Anakin cares about is his world, his feelings, his own satisfaction.
Anakin isn’t an inherently selfish man, and he doesn’t pressure people and demand their all because he’s callous. Anakin simply never learnt how to deal with healthy relationships, he only had his mother and during his formative years, he was Obi-Wan’s padawan - and Obi-Wan was distant, despite his attempts at breaking the ice.
Now, Obi-Wan being distant does not put the blame on him. Ahsoka leaving the order does not put the blame on her. Padmé enabling Anakin’s violent tendencies does not put the blame on her. The Jedi order following their religion and imposing it upon Anakin who did wish to become a Jedi does not put the blame on them.
Could Obi-Wan have been more nurturing? Yes, but Anakin still demanded more than he could give. 
Could Ahsoka have stayed in contact with Anakin after leaving the order? Yes, but her wanting to put some distance between herself and the Jedi is understandable and valid. 
Could Padmé have protested and given Anakin ultimatums when he committed atrocities? Yes, but her seeing the best in Anakin at all times came from a place of love, not a wish to condone murder or violence. 
Could the order have given Anakin some leniency and offered him therapy instead of asking him to hide his emotions? Yes, but they simply followed their teachings and expected Anakin to be able to do the same.
Anakin had no easy life, no simple choices - but he did have the choice when it came to Palpatine. Still, if anybody outside of Anakin influenced, coursed and shares the blame, it’s Palpatine. Palpatine is what Anakin is inherently not - he is a cruel, ambitious, evil man.
Anakin is selfish, Anakin wants love, Anakin wants to save the people he loves. Sure, it’s for his own gain, but he still wants to be good. He has good intentions as much as they are driven by personal investment. Palpatine cares for no one but himself. Any kindness Palpatine showed Anakin is a lie and a hoax and a bluff. Palpatine preyed upon Anakin’s insecurities. Palpatine manipulated a lost young boy desperate for approval and a father figure. 
But at the end of the day, Anakin had a choice. Do I understand why he chose Palpatine and the Dark Side? Yes. Do I understand how his fear drove him to desperate measures? Yes. Do I understand how the high of his new powers snared him? Yes. Do I understand why he believed in Palpatine above the Jedi order? Yes.
But Anakin’s self serving attitude is revealed when instead of saving Padmé, instead of running away with her so she can be safe - what he was initially fighting for - he chokes her, harms her, contributes to her demise. Anakin’s selfishness is his downfall, and that’s where the blame lies with him.
As soon as he dons the cape and mask, he accepts this new living hell he’s trapped within - because deep down, he knows he deserves no less. He ruined his own life, he destroyed the Jedi order, he drove away Obi-Wan (and Ahsoka), and he killed Padmé. Vader isn’t a different person. Vader is Anakin, and Anakin knows what he deserves is suffering, and pain, and torment.
Anakin deserves being but a husk of the man he once was. What else does he have left, but to serve the man who aided him in his downfall? What else does he have left, but to bring harm and hurt to others so that they may taste a sliver of his internal agony? What else does he have left but the monster he turned himself into? Anakin knows it’s his fault, he knows there is no Vader, he knows he did it all by himself.
Anakin knows he became his own nightmare, and he continues to exist because he knows it’s what he deserves. Anakin does not abandon his old self because he’s no longer Anakin, but because the man he once was is warped and he does not believe he deserves to associate himself with his past. The name ‘Anakin’ stands for life when it was good, and hopeful, and worth living. Anakin can no longer relate to any of those sentiments, and thus ‘Anakin’ is simply not a name he feels worthy of.
Anakin never forgot who he was, he simply accepted that he had gone too far to turn back. He understood that he did not deserve forgiveness, or redemption, and he did not seek it out. Anakin knew Obi-Wan and Padmé and Ahsoka would all have forgiven him, but he could not let them overlook the horrible things he had done.
The irony in his refusing to accept forgiveness and turn around, is that that is perhaps the most selfless decision he could have made. Because when Obi-Wan, Ahsoka and Padmé had tried their hardest, he still would not budge. And that would, in some aspect, at least let them know they did their best and it was not enough. They tried, and failed. Anakin made sure they failed because he did not wish to be saved.
Ahsoka got her chance to stay with him, and make her perceived betrayal right. Padmé never lost her faith in him, even while she lay dying. Obi-Wan let himself be cut down and killed, both to free himself as a Force ghost, but also to let Anakin enact his revenge. They got even, in the end.
Vader is no disease, no second persona, no separate entity. Blaming Anakin’s deeds on Vader as somebody else absolves Anakin and removes the guilt from him. It discredits Anakin, and it cheapens his character. Anakin is not a good man, he is only human. But in the end, despite a life time of poor choices, he makes the right decision. And it’s just as much Anakin saving Luke, as it was Anakin cutting off his hand. It’s just as much Anakin choking Padmé, as it was Anakin marrying her. Anakin did it all.
Anakin alone is to blame for his suffering, and he knows this because there is no Vader. There is only Anakin.
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