#hmm... maybe I need to re-listen LOL it's been years~

[squiddy-god]

praise obanai

Re-upload from terminated blog squid-god-supreme this is smut lol

CW : praise kink, he deserves happiness (probably) bad smut-

It was a miracle in and of itself that you two had gotten together in the first place. In obanai’s he was trash, the scum of the earth and unfit to be with you. Of course this wasn’t true and it took you a very long time to convince him he wasn’t garbage and that yes, you did love him and want to be with him. That was two years ago however and things were much, much smother now.

It had been awhile since he had seen you, you weren’t a pillar so it could be quite hard to see you at times but he was going to be home tonight . He was happy to be home and able to hold you. It may not have seemed like it but obanai was very affectionate behind closed doors and he intended to spend the rest of the night with your arms around him.

He walked through the doors of your shared home and smiled under the bandages on his face. You were so cute sitting in your home waiting for him to get home after so long. Yet as he looked at you he felt something else well inside him. Shakeing it off he walked over to you and took his seat right next to you, wrapping an arm around you he pulled you close into his chest. “Welcome back iguro, I assume your missions went well? ” You said kissing his cheek. “Hmm yes they went well, I’m just glad I’m finally with you again” His brows furrow probably thinking about the demons. You smiled leaning further into him “of course they went well! After all you are a pillar! Such a strong demon slayer” You giggled smiling at him.

There was that feeling again except this time it was stronger. It was slowly pushing its way to the forefront of his mind. You were so beautiful and the way you called him strong, he liked that maybe a little more then he should have. His mind was quickly beginning to wander dispite his attempts to push those thoughts away. “I hope the newer recruits didn’t anoy you to much”

“They always do, they can’t seem to do anything right. Pathetic all of them” He let out a long sigh ranting about his week. You sat and listened as he ran through the basics of what went on and what had frustrated him. You almost felt bad for the younger demon slayer recruits, obanais expectations were almost impossible to reach, but such high standards were needed when you were fighting against demons. “Ahh, well at least you know what your doing iguro, you arnt a pillar for nothing after all. ” He was confused, why did his mind wander to such dirty things when you gave him praise like that? His mind continues to wander, at this point he wasn’t even trying to push down the thoughts that invaded his mind. He had really missed you huh?

How nice it would be to have you pined under him makeing all of those beautiful faces only he could see. He felt the tint in his pants grow the longer you both sat in silence. “Hey iguro-” He pounced on you the moment his name left your mouth . His arms trapped you beneath him as he hovered over you. “W-wow, guess you had the same idea as me~ I missed you a lot iguro” Your hands came up to his face and cuped his cheeks, slowly removeing the wraps that covered his lower face reveling the scars that ran from the corners of his mouth to his ears. You smiled and kissed him deeply “you’re so handsome iguro” You said traceing the scars on his face. He kissed you passionately as your arms wrapped around his neck deepening the kiss further. His tounge ran along the bottom of your lip asking for entrance. You playfully denied, he could feel the smirk on your face, his brows furore as he pressed his clothed erection against your ass makeing you gasp. His tounge slipped into your mouth, swirling around your wet muscle and claiming every inch of you as his. You moaned into the kiss and he pulled away slightly.

He began striping off his pinstripe haori and the shirt of his demon slayer uniform. You also quickly stripped yourself of your top half of clothes before being once again pined down by obanai. Your face got red at the sight of his toned arms and defined chest. He wasted no time striping off the rest of your clothes before unbuckleing his belt and striping his pants. Once again he hovered over you, Heterochromatic eyes scanning over your body before one of his hands traced along your body down to your sensitive folds. His rough fingers traced along your sensitive clit as you moaned at the sensation. Two if his fingers thrust inside you causeing you to moan out his name.

He continued his actions, enjoying the way his name fell from your lips as you face contorted in pleasure. “A-ahh iguro! S-so good mahh!” He felt his cock twitch at your words, he leaned down closer to your ear and picked up speed with his fingers. “Go on, tell me how good my fingers feel inside you y/n -scream how good I make you feel” His voice was low and hot against you ear, you moaned out before Settling your breath enough to speak again “i-iguro! You feel so good inside me! You make me feel so good! Only you can make me feel so good! ” You were becoming a mess as the knot in your stomach tightened. The knot in your stomach snaped as your orgasm hit you. He felt you tighten around his fingers before they were soaked in your juices, removeing his fingers from your dripping cunt he smeared the fluid on his fingers over his erect cock leting it mix with the pre cum dripping from his tip and acting as a makeshift lube. He positioned himself at your entrance before slowly pushing in, groaning at the feeling of your warmth surrounding him.

He gave you a moment to adjust to his cock before pulling out and slamming into you again. The sounds of slapping skin and your wonton moans filled his ears and he continued to thrust into you, he let out low groans and pants as his length rubbed against your slick walls. Your nails left scratches as you gripped onto his back with every buck of his hips. “Naaahhh iguro! Y-you make me feel so good! You stuff me up so full igu-” You were cut off by the increase in speed makeing you moan out loudly. He was going faster now, the rhythm of his thrust becomeing slightly more feral and rough as your words of praise filled his head.

Your whole body felt as he thrust into you, the pressure in your stomach slowly building as his hands gripped your waist lifting you up slightly so he could hit deeper inside you. Your vision was filled with stars as he continued to pound into your spongy g-spot. His mouth met the junction between your neck and shoulder as he begun to leave dark purpleish red marks across your skin, sucking and nipping at it in order to mark you as his and his alone.

The pressure in his stomach was building more and more as he felt his dick twitch inside you. You were so tight and warm around him it was driving him crazy. His thrusts held the same brutal pace as before but now started to become uneven. The pressure in your stomach finally reached a boiling point, hot pleasure rushing through your body as you creamed around his dick. Your pussy was spazaming while your orgasm washed over you. With a few more thrust into your spazaming core obanai was over the edge, his stomach tightened, muscles contracting as his seed was spilled into you.

Letting you catch your breath he pulled out of you and picked you up in his arms. He took you into your shared bedroom and layed you down on top of him so that he could hold you. “I love you y/n, in this life and in the next. ”

“I love you to, obanai iguro, and I always will”

[cnwolf-brainrot]

For the writers ask meme: 2, 4, and 7?

OOOOH, these are good ones!! Thank you so much for sending them in!!

2 - talk about a notable time a narrative or character has looked you dead in the eyes and said “fuck your plan, here’s what we’re actually doing.”

So. So. So many times. Hmm, since a lot of people are reading Weapon by Name right now, I’ll say that Kurt’s identity was supposed to start solidifying after the first Rogue interaction! For reference, that would have put Logan learning Kurt’s name in chapter 12, which at the time was chapter 9 because there were a few chapters I ended up adding before it. I started writing the name scene and I literally felt Kurt turn to me, shaking, and said in a tiny little voice “I’m not ready for that”. That was the moment that I really realized this story was going to be a slowburn, and that I was too far in to escape.

4 - what is the plot bunny you’ve been carrying for the longest? optional bonus question: do you ever wonder why you haven’t written it yet and experience deep existential dread?

OH MAN, I’ve been dying to write this one for about five years!! It’s a Medieval Marvel AU with the OG Avengers as the main cast and Clint Barton as the focus character. It follows a similar vibe to Narnia; the world has been cursed into eternal winter for the last hundred years by the Frost King (Loki) and there is a prophecy that his reign will end when five warriors from the time of his invasion return. Clint basically decides that the prophecy is stupid and they need to stop waiting around for these “Avengers” and decides to go punch Loki in the face himself. The story then follows him running into Natasha, who leads him to Tony, who leads him to Thor, etc, until Clint realizes that these guys ARE the prophesied warriors, and they were cursed with immortality until they defeat Loki but have fallen apart over the last hundred years. It has themes of destiny versus drive, grief/loss, moving forward, immortality being awful, etc. For now it’s titled “Hello My Old Heart” after the song by The Oh Hellos, but the title might change; the chapter titles would be after lines from the song “Dead Wormwood” though. There’s particularly important story beats with the repeating theme of “I know who you are now”, and I listen to the song at least weekly thinking about this fic.

Honestly, I’m not sure why I haven’t written it. I love the story and I’ve had it outlined for at least four years now… maybe part of it is the fear that no one will read it right now, since the OG Avengers era has somewhat passed. But at the same time I want to read this fic, which means I need to write it, which means… I need time, lol 😂

7 - tell us about the plot of the first fanfic you ever wrote

Hmmm, I’m trying to remember… I’ve been writing fanfic for a long, LONG time, but I think the first big one I remember working on was one called “Re-Tournament” that I wrote when I was 10! It was a self-insert Ninjago OC story that I actually wrote with my brother; we each wrote our own “book” following the same story, so we had two different copies each from our OC’s POVs. I don’t even remember our characters’ names at this point (mine might have had moon powers?) but I have a few very distinct memories of laying on my parent’s floor with him after we moved into our new house, two binders full of notebook paper spread between us, our pencils racing as we copied down lines from the show between our own original scenes. It was a season 4 fanfic so honestly 70% of what we wrote was just directly copying canon scenes, but it was still an absolute blast and I think we got a good couple chapters in!! Definitely a fun memory!

Thank you so much for sending these in!!

[katierosefun]

For the fic writer ask, I'll say 1 and 10 and whichever two questions you'd really want someone to ask. <3

thank yooou for the ask!! | from these asks

1. What fic of yours would you recommend to someone who had never read any of your work? (In other words, what do you think is the best introduction to your fics?)

hmm, maybe oddly for a more convenient truth? which i know is odd because there's only like two or three people who still care enough about i am the night (2019) to write for it, but i feel like it's because of that quietness that compelled me to write something that felt most true to myself? in that this fic is very quiet and really more of this reflection on the kinds of ways that a person touches your life, and you're not ever going to be the same, and maybe you don't really know what to call that relationship, but you know that you miss them anyways--and i kind of hope that sort of emphasis on relationships/stuff that's unspoken kinda is a pattern in a lot of my other stories!

10. How do you decide what to write?

if i have a lot of ideas at once, it really might be as simple as like. spinning a wheel and seeing what lands. other times, it's really just. me listening to music (because i listen to music an ungodly amount, idk) and seeing what matches my mood + vibe.

but in terms of deciding what to write re: generating ideas, i think a lot about what's been eating at my brain lately/what last inspired me the most. just last night, i finished reading normal people by sally rooney, and so i've been thinking a lot about more stories that are very much so driven by just a single pair of characters/stories that are focused on a single relationship (which, see above: i was already incredibly fascinated by, but i want to see more of that stuff in books, rather than movies and shows, which is usually where i find them). i've also been doing a lot of contemplating in general about what it means to come back to your hometown/the strange feeling of belonging everywhere and nowhere at the same time, and i feel like that might make me think up a story at some point, whether it be a fic or something original!

24. Are there any easter eggs in [insert fic], and if so, what are they?

as part of the other two questions that i'd want to answer . . . okay, so i really want to start utilizing easter eggs/cameos more often in my fics/original works, just because i'm a girl who likes a good cameo every once in a while . . . so for example, in light years, which is a my mister fic, the protagonist meets a character from beyond evil . . . and in my beyond evil fic read all the books beside your bed, there's a character from school 2013 . . . because i just can't resist lol

35. What aspects of your writing are completely unlike your real life?

besides the obvious (i've never been to outer space, nor have i ever worked in a police station or a butcher's shop), i also. don't know how to drive. i also don't really know much about cars in general, and i also have pretty awful depth perception, so i feel like i'm always over or understimating car dimensions. so that's why i always feel a little annoyed whenever i get to a scene that involves talking while driving or something because even though it's not like i need to know how to drive in order to just write about a character driving, i still think, man, for someone who doesn't know how to drive, i sure do write a lot of scenes where someone's talking in a car while driving huh

[yaoisex]

Came for Yoshiki, stayed for Yocchin 😳

[definitelynotkatesblog]

Illustrated Man l Spencer Reid Fic

Pairing: Reader x Spencer Reid 

Category: Fluff

Summary: Spencer comes home from a particularly difficult case, and begins to doubt himself. Reader helps him unwind and helps paint a picture of all the great things about him.

A/N: Helloooooooo friends! Yet again, I thought of a single line of dialogue I really wanted to make work so I spit a thousand words around it to bring it to life lol. Anyways! This fic is free of reader pronouns and gender identifiers, so anyone can read this and make the “I”‘a their own ☺️

P.S. I’ll see what I can do about not disappearing again for weeks on end, but I make no promises

Content warning: None! Except Spencer has his shirt off? But that’s it!

WC: 2.4k

The sound of the door clicking shut and Spencer vacating his lungs of all air drew my head up from my book.

“You’re home!” I cheered, closing my book and getting up to greet him.

He lifted his satchel over his head and gave me a small smile that didn’t touch his eyes. I nodded, mostly to myself, knowing that this meant the case was harder than most. On nights like this, Spencer was hard to reach. I padded my way across the living room and wrapped my arms around him like he might slip away if I didn’t hold him tight enough.

I pulled his head down to rest on my shoulder as his arms snaked around me, wrapping himself in me, too. We stayed like that a while until he stood up and cupped my cheeks in his hands, bringing my face up for a kiss.

‘Hi,” he said softly.

I smiled into his palms. “Hi.”

I took his hands in mine and kissed his knuckles, then led him to our bedroom to get him out of his work clothes. I helped him out of his cardigan and dress shirt, then left him to do the rest while I got him some water. When I returned, he was laying face down across the bed in a pair of sweatpants. His head rested on his crossed arms, and turned to face me when I laid next to him on the bed. I propped my head up one arm and gave him a half smile.

“Do you want to tell me about it?”

He thought for a moment before giving me a recap of the case, leaving out the gruesome details. I listened and ran my fingers across his back, alternating scratches with swirling patterns on the soft skin. Sometimes my hand would find itself at the nape of his neck and work through the hair there.

As he spoke, his voice became more resolved and tired. He worked so hard, but the things he saw, the things this job had put him through weighed on him. He was strong and incredibly smart, but just because he carried it well didn’t mean the load wasn’t heavy.

I took a deep breath and spoke gently, not wanting to offend him. “Maybe you can take some time off?” I suggested.

He shook his head, his chin brushing his hands folded under his chin.

“The team needs me. These victims and their families need me.”

I bit my tongue. I needed him, too. But this was hardly the time to bring that up.

“But this job,” he paused for a moment before continuing, “It takes pieces of me I can’t get back, and I’m scared all I am is the parts I’ve managed to pick up off of the ground.”

I closed my eyes and wished away the tears forming in my eyes. I heard him take a deep breath but he didn’t say anything else.

“I have an idea. Stay there.”

His head lifted and his eyes followed me around the room to our closet where my painting supplied resided.

“I’m going to paint you.”

“Paint me?”

I turned around, a towel in one hand and my box of paints and brushes in the other. “Yes. You’re gonna lay here and talk to me about anything in the world and I’m going to paint you.”

His eyes scanned the contents of my hands. I could see the gears in his head turning for a moment before he shrugged and gave a small nod.

“Okay.”

I ran a hand through his hair and bent down to kiss his forehead before climbing on the bed and straddling his thighs, setting my supplies on the towel beside us. “Talk to me.”

His head cocked to the side as he contemplated his answer.

“Not about work,” I clarified.

I felt his laugh beneath me. “Okay then, what would you like me to tell you about?”

I tapped my bottom lip with the handle of my paintbrush. “Hmmm. Read any good books lately?”

I could feel his smile without seeing it. If there was one thing Spencer loved more than saving lives and doing crossword puzzles in pen, it was reading. “I revisited some Ray Bradbury on the plane home,” he said.

“Mmm, tell me about it.”

He took a deep breath beneath me and began. “I re-read The Illustrated Man. It’s a compilation of short stories told through interactions between an omniscient narrator and a man covered in tattoos that each tell tales of events that have not happened yet. The tattoos are magic, and they come alive to tell the stories they depict. The stories are mostly science fiction, but have elements of pretty universal truths that Bradbury is famous for addressing.

For example, in one story explores the deep seeded longing of one man to take a trip to outer space. Something that, in this story, is attaintanable. He works his whole life to be able to fulfill this yearning, but he is torn between going or staying with his family, whom he also loves. It begs the question of the existence of duality of desire and duty.

Then, in another, there’s this incessant rain. And this group of men are searching for cover and sunshine, but it’s wearing them down and breaking them. These small raindrops, just water, becomes torture. It’s interesting how something as small as raindrops can break both canyons and men.”

I listen as he tells me about each story behind the man’s tattoos, about how they’re all different but important and lend themselves to portraying the then-futuristic perception world around us. Sometimes, his voice gets sad at the implications of the stories, but other times he seems to appreciate the sentiment behind them.

I dip my brushes and admire the way they drag across his soft skin, leaving a wake of vibrant pigments behind. I hmm and ahhh at appropriate times, partially paying attention but mostly glad that he’s able to enjoy himself and is able to think of something other than the darkness in his world.

We stayed in our respective positions for the better part of an hour- him laying on the bed with his head on his hands while I straddled the back of his thighs, stroking brushes across the lines of his back.

When I’m finally finished, I roll my neck and place my hands on the small of his back, taking a moment to take it in. The idea of creating a universe compelled me; there was so much beauty and so much unknown in the expanse of space. The concept seemed fitting for what I hoped to help him understand. I’d mixed a navy blue paint for a base, and created swirls of light with yellows, creams, and whites to create a brighter contrast and background for the more intricate featured parts. One section had books, a coffee cup, a molecular model I’d hoped was an actual chemical, and a small red apple.

The next was a canyon, modeled after one of the scenic drives we’d taken the last time we visited Vegas to see his mom at her new care facility. We parked at a lookout spot and watched the sun set- gorgeous oranges, yellows, and pinks painted the sky over the rock. It was at that moment I’d never been more jealous of Spencer’s perfect memory.

Another section, closer to the bottom curve of his spine was a silhouette outline of the Christmas card the team had sent out two years ago. Spencer had a copy hanging by a CalTech magnet on the fridge, another on his desk, and a folded and fading copy in his wallet.

He loved that photo – the way it captured their joyous spirits and ability to be carefree despite the things that initially brought them together.

I took a deep breath and playfully patted his bottom. “All done!”

He threw a boyish grin over his shoulder and handed me his phone.

I snapped a few pictures, holding the phone up by my chin to capture the expanse of his back, then a bit closer to the individual parts. I passed the phone back over his shoulder and brought my clasped hands up under my chin. “Okay, so, if you don’t like it, that’s okay you can wash-” I rushed, but stopped short when I felt his breath hitch from underneath me.

He was silent for a moment, staring at the phone in his hand.

I took a deep breath. “Spencer, you contain multitudes. You’re a loving son, an amazing friend, a brilliant profiler, a great cat-sitter, an instant mashed potato extraordinaire, and my favorite boyfriend.”

I dusted an invisible speck of dust off his shoulder before continuing, giving my words a moment to sink in. I needed him to hear me, and to know these truths. “You are so much more than the things you don’t love about yourself. You are more than this job, you are more than the obstacles you’ve had to overcome. They’re a part of who you are, yeah, but they’re not all that you are.”

I shook my head, though he couldn’t see it. The knowledge of the man beneath me not knowing he was deeply loved seemed so wrong.

“You are so incredibly loved, Spencer. The people in your life are so lucky to know you and to be loved by you. Each and every one of your friends is changed and is better for having known you, believe me.”

He was silent for a short while, pinching and zooming in on the screen to see the different parts of him illustrated in his skin. He cleared his throat a few times. Part of me was grateful I couldn’t see his face, and he couldn’t seem mine. Though, I didn’t need to see the way his mind was working to know he was trying to find a flaw in my logic.

The amount of love I had for the man beneath me threatened to spill over in the form of tears.

“Favorite boyfriend?” he asked finally, feigning insult.

I laughed. “So far, yeah.”

I knew that wasn’t the only thing he’d heard, but probably was the only thing he could bring himself to comment on.

I scrambled off of my perch unceremoniously, stretching for a moment before straightening up and offering my hand. He laid with his chin resting on his fists stacked, staring at me for a moment.

“What?” I asked with a small huff.

“Being loved by you is one of the greatest joys of my life.”

I felt my mouth pop open, a bit taken aback at such a bold admission. A sweet smile touched his lips while he watched me try to scoop my heart back into my chest. He climbed off the bed gingerly, careful not to rock the tray of paint and brushes with his long limbs.

His large hand wrapping around mine grounded me from cloud nine and I could feel the smile forming on my lips. I turned and started heading towards the bathroom.

“Come,” I said, pulling him along behind me.

When we arrived in the small room, I halted and spun him so the back of his thighs were resting against the porcelain countertop and I was flush against his front. My hands came to rest on the edges of the countertop, caging him between my arms. I looked up at him, squinting slightly.

“I’d like to take a picture, is that okay?”

I knew Spencer was wary of having his picture taken; most of our pictures together were candids I’d puppy eyed my way into him letting me keep.

He narrowed his eyes back at me. My lower lip made an appearance, coupled with a knitted brow and cautious look from under my lashes.

He laughed and shook his head. “Okay.”

Before he could change his mind, I grabbed my phone and rushed back to my place in front of him, pressing my front to his.

I snaked my arms around his torso so our chests were together while his back bearing my painting faced the mirror. My arms poking out from between his arm and torso space made him look like an alien, but placing one hand on his hip while the other held my phone gave the pose a more artistic feel.

I snapped a few pictures, messing with the lighting and exposure, playing with shadows from the vanity and positioning him every which way. Every once in a while, I’d pull my arms from him and show him a few shots I liked but they never felt like the one.

He smiled and nodded encouragingly, taking my direction to tilt this way or arch his shoulder that way. I started to feel for him, we’d been there for 15 minutes at least.

I pouted and let my head fall back dramatically. “I give up,” I whined.

He gave a small smile and leaned down to kiss me. I met his lips with a smile of my own before resting my head against his chest.

“Try one more time,” he encouraged.

I nodded and wrapped my arms around him again. I poked my head out so it was just visible behind his arm, resting my chin on his bicep as I focused my phone camera to capture the two of us and my work on his back.

“Smile,” I said before snapping a few shots. Spencer’s body shook with his laugh as he leaned down to press a kiss to the top of my head. My thumb grazed the shutter button, capturing the moment.

It was perfect.

His back was illuminated perfectly by the soft glow of the vanity mirror lighting, the muscles in his back tensed when he bent down, creating dips and curves that separated the focus points brilliantly. My hand wasn’t posed, just gently resting on his hip, a soft touch that lent itself perfectly to the lightness of the moment.

I pulled myself from around him and held the phone between us. His hand found the small of my back and he pulled me closer to him, sealing our lips together. Our lips were unhurried, enjoying the softness of the moment and the love between us. His free hand cupped my cheek as we broke apart. His eyes bore into mine, both pairs slightly glossy.

“Thank you,” he said softly.

I nodded and buried my head into his chest so he wouldn’t see the fresh tears springing in my eyes. His arms wrapped around me as he pressed more kisses to the top of my head.

——

Let’s talk about it!

[anna-justice]

Not a Race - Upstead

Summary: Jay and Will revisit a conversation they had years ago, and this time it has a happy ending. (I promise Hailey shows up later lol)

Warnings: fluff, so much fluff

Requested: No

…

Jay pulled up in front of his and Hailey’s now shared apartment, putting the truck in park. “I’ll see you at Molly’s later?” He asked his girlfriend, confirming their plans. 

“Yes Jay.” Hailey said, rolling her eyes. “I will be there at nine, the exact same time I said I was going to be there five times today.” 

“And who are you supposed to pick up?” Jay questioned, smirking at her.

“Trudy.” Jay gave her a pointed look, “I am supposed to fake an emergency, but bring her to Molly’s instead.” 

Jay smiled at Hailey, finding her annoyance adorable. “I love you.” He said, his demeanor softening a bit. 

Hailey’s grumpy look faded and she leaned across the center console, pecking him on the lips. “I love you too.” Jay reached out and pulled her back to him, kissing her again. Hailey smiled into it before reluctantly pulling away. “You gotta go,” she sighed. “How’d you get roped into to doing this anyway?” She asked as she opened the truck door. 

“Kim.” Jay said, and Hailey nodded. “Five year anniversaries are a big deal apparently.” 

“Apparently.” Hailey laughed, shutting the door. Jay rolled down the window, not quite ready to leave yet. “Platt and Mouch better appreciate it, they’ve stolen so much of my Jay time lately.” 

Jay chuckled, “Babe, we work together...and live together. You see me at least twenty-three hours out of the day.”

Hailey shrugged, “It’s not enough.” She smirked at him before heading towards the front door. “I’ll see you later.” 

“Wear something pretty.” Jay called at her, laughing.

 After he was sure she was safely inside, he pulled out of the parking spot and out of the parking lot. He made the short drive to his brother's apartment, where Will was waiting for him. He was feeling a little jittery, so he opted for the stairs to hopefully wear him out a little bit. “Hey man.” He said, entering the apartment. (He had a key in case Will ever did something stupid...like lose his.)

“Hey.” Will said, getting up off the couch and heading towards the kitchen. “You want something to drink?” He asked.

“No, I’m good.” Jay said, leaning against his counter. 

“How are you feeling?” Will asked, taking a sip of the water bottle he got himself. 

Jay shrugged, “I’m good.” Will eyed him, “Listen man, I know we talked about it before, but I just want to make sure that it’s okay...again.” Jay thought back to what felt like a lifetime ago, a few days before Erin left for New York. 

Jay stood in front of the whiteboard with Will, looking through photos of victims from their recent drug case. “At least you guys get overtime.” Will said, before fishing in his pocket, Will pulled a red velvet box, surprising Jay. Will had seemed so against him proposing to Erin that he was sure he wouldn’t let him near their mom’s ring. “Mom’s ring. She always said it’s not a race, but whoever meets the right girl first gets the ring.”

Jay took the box in his hands, chuckling. “Hmm.” His mom was so important to him, and having Erin wear her ring felt like the blessing they needed, like his mom was a part of it.

Will watched his brother with caution, but smiled kindly. “You sure about this?” Jay stared blankly at him and Will nodded, he always knew he was the king of stupid questions. “You tell dad?”

“Why do I have to tell dad? It’s mom’s ring, not his.” Jay rushed out, immediately jumping down his brother's throat. Kevin interrupted them before Will could say anything, but Jay walked away feeling confident in his decision. 

And he was, maybe even as confident as he was now. Jay pulled the same velvet box out of his pocket and set it on the counter. “Will, I’m sure.” He said, and this time he had the words to express how he was feeling. “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my entire life, but I already had one chance with this ring and if you want it-”

“Jay.” Will said, cutting him off. “I know mom always said it wasn’t a race, but you won. Hailey is…”

“The most amazing person that I have ever met.” Jay sighed out.

Will laughed, “I was going to say ‘going to love it,’ but that works too.” 

Jay beamed at his brother, taking the box back in his hand. “She’s the one Will, I know it. And I never thought I would say this, but I wish I could tell dad.” 

Will placed a comforting hand on his brother’s back, “He knows man. They both do.” 

Jay took a big breath and laughed nervously. “I’m proposing.” He said.

“Yeah, you are.” Will said, sharing his brother’s obvious joy. All he ever wanted was for Jay to be happy, and he knew without a doubt that Hailey was it for him. 

“You think she’ll say yes?” Jay asked in a teasing voice. 

Will laughed loudly, “I’d say it’s a solid 80 percent.”

...

About an hour later Jay was back in his truck headed to Molly’s. It was almost seven o’clock, two hours from Hailey’s arrival and the unit had a lot to do before she got there. Almost like she could hear him thinking about her, he got a text.

Hailes: I know I’m bringing Trudy, but who is in charge of Mouch? Shouldn’t they be coming together?

Shit. He hadn’t thought of that. 

Jay: Ritter is getting Mouch. Don’t worry about it, we have a plan.

Hailes: Okay, whatever you say.

Jay sighed, he would admit a fake anniversary party was a little lame, but the only other thing he could think of was a fake baby shower and something told him that it wouldn’t really be appropriate to throw one of those in a bar.

Hailes: Also, “in charge” Jay is kinda sexy...you should help throw parties more often.

Jay smirked at his phone while he sat in the parking lot, shaking his head he texted back.

Jay: Good to know ;)

Jay: Get ready for the best birthday of your life.

When he pulled the door open, he was met with Kim shouting orders at Herrmann, Mouch, Kevin and Adam. Most of the decorations were already hung and he was informed that there were ten bottles of champagne hidden behind the counter. 

“Wow. It looks amazing in here.” He looked at Kim directly. “Thank you.”

Kim grinned, “Of course! It’s not everyday that one of my oldest friends proposes to my best friend.” She says, playfully punching his arm. Vanessa had been gone for over a year and in that time Hailey and Kim had gotten really close, they all had. After years of losing one person after another, the members of intelligence felt more like a family than they ever had before. 

“This is crazy, isn’t it?” Jay asked, Adam and Kevin trickling into the conversation. 

“It’s a long time coming, that’s for sure.” Adam said, wrapping his arm around Kim. 

Kevin scoffed, “Oh, like you can talk.” He teased. 

Jay’s nerves got worse and worse, “This isn’t too much right?” Jay asked his friends, “You think she’ll like it?”

“Jay.” Kim said, gaining his attention. “You could slip a ring pop on Hailey’s finger in front of the district and she would love it, because she loves you. But this,” She gestures around the room, “this is beautiful and incredibly sweet and romantic. This is everything she deserves.” 

Jay smiles with pride, he wants to be everything she deserves, but Hailey Upton deserves the entire world and he wouldn’t mind spending his entire life trying to give her that. “Burgess, we just need to get you a t-shirt that says ‘I’m basically a hallmark card.’” Kevin says, motioning across his chest. 

“Let’s have a toast.” Kim says and on que Herrmann has glasses ready for them. 

Kevin raises his glass, “To the OGs.”

Kim rolls her eyes, but raises her glass as well, “To Jay and Hailey.” 

Jay raises his glass and so does Adam, giving a toast of his own. “To upstead.” 

Jay lowers his arm and glares at Adam, “Man, you have got to stop calling us that.”

“Anyway,” Kim says, “To love.”

“True love.” Adam interjects.

“Adam.” Kim snaps.

“What, you're the only one that gets to be a hallmark card? That’s not fair.”

“How about this,” Jay says, raising his glass again. “To me not shitting my pants before she gets here.”

They all laugh, “I’ll drink to that,” Kevin says shrugging and then all down their drinks. 

…

At eight forty-five Jay stood at the bar, his hands sweaty and his knees a little shaky. It was fifteen minutes until go time and he got more anxious by the second. He was pretty sure she was going to say yes, but he wanted it to be perfect for her. As perfect as she was for him. 

Most of their friends have arrived and were talking amongst themselves around the perimeter of the bar, leaving room for Hailey to eventually make her way down the middle to Jay. Everyone was buzzing, taking in the decorations and consuming copious amounts of alcohol, something that Jay had decided against doing even though he would love a beer (or five) right about now.

At three til nine, he got a text from Hailey stating that they had arrived and Jay shushed everyone, standing in the middle of the room to wait for his (hopefully) future wife. 

Hailey walked down the sidewalk with the desk sergeant, hiding her smile. She was excited to see what her friends had come up with for the happy couple. They reached the door and Hailey smirked at Trudy, “Hey sarge.”

“Upton?”

“Happy anniversary.”

This time Trudy smirked, “It isn’t my anniversary.”

“What-” Hailey started, but froze in her spot as she opened the door. The sight in front of her was breathtaking. The usual fairy lights were still hung up, but also hanging from the ceiling were hundreds of pictures, pictures of her and Jay. Hailey felt her eyes welling up with tears, she took a few steps forward, looking around to see all of her closest friends, her family. At a closer look, she could see all of the tables had empty bottles of various alcohols, all labeled with dates and cards with memories. 

He was grinning ear to ear, but when she saw him, it somehow got even bigger. “Jay.” She laughed out.

“Hey.” He said, meeting her in the middle of the room. 

“I hate to break it to you, but you decorated for the wrong couple.” She joked. 

“Oh no, really?” He gasped and Hailey laughed. 

Jay took her in, she was wearing her signature black jeans and a blue sweater. She looked as beautiful as ever, and he was ready. “Quite the crowd…” She whispered. 

“I know, I’m a little nervous.” He said, reaching out to take her hand in his. “Hailey Anne Upton, there are not enough words to describe how much I love you. And I have never been good at expressing my feelings, you know that better than anyone. But I have said it a million times and I will say it a million more: I would follow you anywhere. I looked at you and knew you were the most beautiful woman I have ever met. I looked at you and I trusted you, I have trusted you since the day I met you. I look at you, and I’ve got it. I look at you and I see the rest of my life, I see that you are everything I have ever wanted and more. I look at you and I know that you are it for me, there will never be anyone like you Hailey.”

Hailey felt the tears begin to roll down her face, he used her own words against her. Jay reached in his pocket, pulling out just a ring. “This is my mother’s ring, and for so long she was the most important woman in my life. But she has been gone for a long time and Hailey you have taken that place, and she would have loved you. So,” Jay said, finally getting down on one knee. “Will you make me the luckiest man alive, and marry me?”

Hailey took a deep breath, trying to pull herself together. “Yes.” She choked out before launching herself into his arms. Jay caught her with ease and kissed her passionately as their friends cheered for them. Jay reluctantly set Hailey back down on the floor, pressing another kiss to her lips before stepping back and finally slipping the ring on her finger. 

“Perfect fit.” He said, pulling her to him and pressing a kiss to her forehead. “I love you.” He said, peeking down at her.

“I love you so much.” She hugged him tighter, “And I cannot wait to be your wife.”

“Let’s just elope, we can get married tomorrow.” Jay said.

Hailey scoffed, “That’s a funny joke, Kim would kill me.” 

“Good point.” He said, holding her tightly. “I’m thinking of a June wedding.”

“Did you really just say that?” Hailey burst out laughing.

Jay grimaced, “We don’t have to talk about it…”

Hailey turned to face him, pressing her palms to his chest. “How about this? We can get married whenever and wherever you want, as long as you wear your thigh holster during the whole ceremony.”

Jay gave her a shocked look, “Please tell me you aren’t kidding.”

Hailey got up on her tiptoes and whispered in his ear, “I’m dead serious.” 

“Thank God.”

The happy couple accepted some congratulations before sneaking over to the bar. It had turned into a full on party, Herrmann turned the music up and everything. “You know, Hailey Halstead has a nice ring to it.” She confessed as she leaned into Jay. 

“I think so.” He said, beaming at her.

“Excuse me everyone.” Kim said, clinking her glass as they were passed around to everyone. She raised hers, “To the happy couple, I love you both and I am so happy for you. We all are.”

“And to the fact that Jay didn’t shit his pants!” Adam interjected from beside her.

“What?” Hailey whispered under her breath.

“Don’t worry about it…” Jay muttered, mentally punching Adam in the face.

Kim shrugged, “Sure.” They all raised their glasses and cheered. Jay set his and Hailey’s down and dipped her dramatically, bringing his lips to hers once again.

“I love you Jay Halstead,” She said as he brought her back to a standing position.

“I love you too, the future Mrs. Hailey Halstead.”

…

A/N: I watched the clip from 4x23 and then debated posting this idea just as a discussion comment, but then I was like “why not” and I just wrote it! I’m so glad I did, I wrote it so fast and loved writing it. I also hope that this didn’t come off as Erin bashing, I try not to write like that. I was the biggest linstead fan and I still love Erin, I just have moved on from linstead and wanted to show the potential parallels. Anyway, I promise I will update Lost or Found soon, it’s been crazy the past few months and I honestly haven’t had the motivation to write, but the scooby gang will be back soon! Thank you so much for reading! <3

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 266: Sad Naruto Flute Music

Previously on BnHA: Tamaki ate a horse; Dark Shadow punched Re-Destro through a wall; Gigantomachia didn’t want to wake up from his nap; Tokoyami climbed inside of Fatgum’s stomach like a little emo joey and mused about Hawks; Hawks was all “am I evil or no? history shall decide!” and sort of kind of maybe tried to kill Twice; and then Dabi showed up and set the two of them on fire before you could say “stop, drop, and roll.” All of this was a real chapter that really happened. Anyway but then Hawks saved Twice by pulling him out of the fire, which I totally didn’t notice during my first readthrough last week, so that’s nice. But then Dabi stepped on Hawks’s face and used his quirk again. So that was not so nice. We’re really having ourselves an arc, here.

Today on BnHA: Well you know the old saying. Save a man from burning and you feed him for a day, stab him while he’s running away and you feed him for life. Oh, the chapter? Right. Well Hawks is perfectly fine aside from getting a sexy scar for his troubles, which I’ll have you know I did predict. Twice however is not so fine, which, fun fact, I did not predict. If you’re just joining us. Yeah. I boofed it. Anyway so Hawks escapes Dabi using the power of mysterious main character logic, and then he stabs Twice, and Twice dies, very slowly and sadly and in Toga’s arms. That’s it that’s the chapter. You’ll love it. It’s full of feels. And death. Lol I’m in a mood right now I’m sorry guys. I’m gonna go write some healing Bakugou essays.

so as mentioned on the “previously” section above, Hawks saved Twice’s life! meanwhile Dabi apparently arrived in time to listen to Hawks’s “here I go... time to kill you... really gonna do it... here it comes...” speech for at least several seconds before he finally decided to make his grand entrance, as evidenced by him quoting Hawks’s “sentiment” line right back in his face before setting him on fire. so basically Hawks is still okay and villains gonna villain. this is my conclusion and 4 out of 5 dentists approve but you can form your own judgements as well and that’s fine!

(ETA: this is all your fault fifth dentist.)

anyway so before we begin, full disclosure, I was warned this chapter would make me cry. so that ominous pronouncement is gonna be weighing on my mind while we embark upon our weekly manga journey today, but alas such is life! at least life in March 2020. did we really expect any good news at this point. I want a refund on this whole year but apparently I should get in line

so here we go. someone is narrating and it’s not quite clear who

but the “you’ve just been unlucky” part is a reference to what Hawks was telling Twice in chapter 264, so unless Dabi was listening in on that part too, I would think this would have to be Twice? even though Dabi’s the one whose face is so prominent here, all handsome and crazy

omg Hawks is holding on to his feather and using his tk to blast away while holding Twice

what a fucking thing to do. is the fucking feather still on fire. and somehow he hasn’t instinctively let go of it?? THIS BOY I SWEAR TO GOD

and so he’s definitely going to have a scar there now it looks like! pretty sure this makes him an honorary Todoroki. aww

and also Twice seems to possibly be unconscious, so I guess that was Dabi’s narration?? you mean to tell me Dabi was basically sitting outside for like a full five minutes. were you fixing your hair. getting ready to livestream?? “hey there villain nation it’s me ya boi, so I’m here in the Hilton Gunga Heights and omg like a shitton of heroes have attacked us out of fucking nowhere, and now the number two hero is getting ready to fucking murder my bro Twice, and he hasn’t even noticed I’m here yet. shit is totally crazy, anyways before we go on just a reminder to click on the link below to check out our official league merch, and if you haven’t already, click on the button to like and subscribe, it really helps us out.” and then boom, just in time to save Twice from Mr. To Stab or Not to Stab

(ETA: now that we know it’s actually Twice what am I gonna do with all these Dabi social media jokes. huh?! Horikoshi you ruined everything!!)

oh this chapter is apparently called “Happy Life.” that’s fun I’m sure we’re going to have a really fun time here

(ETA: so fun the funnest.)

Dabi doesn’t really seem fazed though

yeah he’s fucked we know don’t have to rub it in ffff

(ETA: Dabi. we underestimated him, Dabi.)

so Hawks is all “you nearly murdered your bro just fyi” and Dabi is all “smirk it’s fine cuz I knew you were going to save him cuz ~that’s ~what ~heroes ~do” wow you guys. I just realized that between Dabi and Hawks, this has the potential to be the single snarkiest fight we’ve ever had in this manga. my hype for this chapter just went up 10x

also even though I just summarized these last few panels I’m also going to post them so we can all shamelessly admire hot wounded Hawks

hot damn. you were right, AFO. wounded heroes are the sexiest. I may be paraphrasing a bit

also two things, (1) looks like he called some of his feathers back (so then WHERE WERE THEY??), but it’s not much. and (2) he was wearing gloves this whole time that’s right I forgot. so maybe his hands are okay?? the hell are those made of, damn

oh my freaking lord

this is one attractive chapter I’ll give it that. also raise your hand if you’re surprised that Dabi never actually trusted Hawks. yeah that’s what I thought

well shit looks like we’re finally getting some Hawks thoughts! unsurprisingly, they are all “I’m fucked”

please note that while talking!Hawks is continuing to be all sassy, thinking!Hawks is busy tallying up Jin’s injuries. this is a good sign, maybe. I hope. lol

anyway but speaking of Jin, what is going on

oh lol he’s making a break for it

this is so bad you guys. this is so so bad. if Twice lives that’s all well and good, but if he escapes, Hawks is 100% right about how dangerous he is. they could literally capture 90% of PLF in this raid and it would hardly even matter. also in the meantime the #2 hero is about to be roasted alive so that’s also not great for the hero side all things considered

ohhhhhhhhhhhhh no. I don’t like this. no no no

why did we suddenly cut to outside and someone’s screaming (?) echoing from offscreen. I’m trying to think of not-terrible explanations for this and coming up short. uh

now we’re back to Hawks/Twice/Dabi, only I don’t see Hawks yet. but Twice is just barely dodging the flame blast, and meanwhile Dabi is all

is he talking to Twice?

yep he’s talking to Twice

that’s fine. that’s all I need. for Twice to “go wild” while my nine-year-old son is outside with his batteries all fried and innocently waiting for someone to lead him back to where his other child soldier friends are waiting for him. like. say what you will about Hawks and betrayal, but there was a fucking reason he was trying to take Twice out first

hmm but we’re getting this slow-motion panel now and FUCK ME I SWEAR TO GOD IF A FEATHER PIERCES HIS HEART OUT OF NOWHERE I’M GONNA LOSE IT

WAIT WHAT

EXCUSE ME BUT

? ??????????

well you sure have been made to look the fool now, Dabi. thought you’d won just because you had Hawks cornered in a narrow room and you set him on fire while standing in between him and the only exit. rookie fucking mistake. you scrub. you clod. you halfwit. how could you let this happen. wow I can’t believe Dabi let Hawks escape unscathed except for a sexy scar and that’s the end of the chapter

LMAO

oh my god. well good news everyone this chapter did indeed make me cry

(ETA: listen. I’m going to hell, I know. but it’s still funny as fuck.)

“he went outside with the blast... and flanked me?!” ...sure. sure let’s just go with that. seems reasonable

actually no, sorry, I literally went back two chapters to see if there was another way out of this room, and nope

by the way that last panel is apparently from Dabi’s POV if I’m understanding this right. just standing behind Hawks waiting for youtube live to connect

but anyway. so no exit. meaning Dabi apparently torched a hole right through the wall and Hawks just sat there and was all “okay this hurts like a mother but if I wait it out a few more seconds I think I can... there we go!” you know, logic

so now there is a ton of action happening which I can’t quite understand, but also Dabi is shouting Hawks’s real name for some reason

why do I feel like this is definitely the last page before somebody definitely fucking dies. shit. shit

oh thank god so far so good. and also, lol

BECAUSE HE READ THE DATABOOK, HAWKS. that’s probably how he figured out you were a spy too. we’ve been had

oh snap?!

don’t do this to me Horikoshi. don’t give me hope. don’t act like you’re gonna actually address this topic sometime before the heat death of the universe

AND HE’S OUT

MY BABY OFF TO DESTROY PEOPLE. ;_; shitttt hahaha nervous laughter Ralph Wiggum sitting on the bus etc.

GODDAMN IT HORIKOSHI

I don’t want Twice to kill anyone but it doesn’t mean I want him to die either! just!! can’t I have it both ways?? please stop with this I can’t take it also what is Spinner doing. and also YAY GIRAN SIGHTING hot damn the sex appeal of this chapter is fast approaching critical levels

GOD FUCKING DAMMIT FUCK

fuck me. [eyes post from last week] the real announcer jinx was the metas we made along the way

well we’re cutting away again!! because of course we are!! Horikoshi won’t show violence unless it’s a dog exploding or a little boy accidentally murdering his entire family

[taps megaphone] this thing on. all right then. [clears throat] NO ONE WANTS THIS

FOR FUCK’S SAKE

“I KNOW YOU’RE ALL DYING TO SEE WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN, SO HERE, LET’S CUT TO A RANDOM PAGE OF TOGA AND COMPRESS BEING CAPTURED BY A MAN WITH HUNGRY HUNGRY HIPPO ARMS”

oh damn but are they really captured though??

forgive me for being skeptical. not to doubt you, Hungry Hungry Hippo Man. I’m sure you’re absolutely right and your sentence cut off at the end there because you remembered that they changed their name to Pliff, and not because you’re being stabbed or burned or impaled or whatever the fuck

!!!

HE LIVED BITCH

yes he totally lived and this definitely isn’t so that he can get one final scene with Toga before he suddenly keels over and dies. shit. at this point it’s fucking inevitable. you had to go and drag his girlfriend into this. I’m so sad you guys I can’t even deal with these emotions I’m just gonna stubbornly joke about stupid shit until I figure out what the fuck else to do

OH MY GOD!!!!???

HE DIED BITCH!?!??

he’s already dead he’s already fucking dead fucking shit

ohhhhhh it’s pouring down sads now

my bird son really went and fucking killed the sweetest little dumpling in the manga. I wrote like 5 thousands essays defending you, Hawks. we gonna have to get you a damn good lawyer now

why is sad flute music from the Naruto OST playing

he’s not gonna need it where he’s going Toga. because they already have plenty of handkerchiefs on the farm. and lots of room for him to run around and play with other villains too

lmao fuck

I really did this to myself, why did I actually start playing Sadness and Sorrow fuck my life. real actual tears

and it SEEMS TO ME, YOU LIVED YOUR LIFE, LIKE A CANDLE IN THE WIND~~~

[sad makeste noises]

AND I WOULD HAVE LIKED TO KNOW YOU

BUT I WAS JUST A KID~~

...

your candle burned out long before

your legend ever did.

[mellow keyboard tones]

welp. ... 2020 ladies and gentlemen

[femmedplume]

Don't mind me! Dropping in from the atla tag! I read your thoughts on the whole Azula going crazy after realizing she has no friends and I was wondering... The creators of the show wanted to have another season where they would work on a redemption arc for Azula, cause let's face it she did some horrible stuff but she was just as much of a victim as Zuko. And she was still basically a kid. What do you think a redemption for her would have been like? And what do you think she would be like after?

Ooh great question!

Hmm. 🤔Well, I definitely think she could have a cool redemption arc, because the ATLA writers have already proved they can write one hell of a redemption arc lol. I think if they did do a redemption arc for Azula, it would be a longer road than Zuko’s -- and I would love it if they explored her abuse trauma like they did with him. 

She’s definitely a victim of her terrifyingly abusive dad. So maybe part of her redemption arc could be her being taken in by a loving family and being actually nurtured and cared for. Not that she never had anyone to try to tell her how to be better, but she never really listened to Uncle Iroh; I don’t think they clicked the same way he clicked with Zuko-- which was in part Iroh’s fault. At the same time, even as a child she was dismissive/disrespectful of him, so it’s clear he probably wouldn’t be the one to get through to her. 

So maybe an Earth Nation family? Like remember that one time she was gloating over how their father was going to murder Zuko, and she taunted him about finding a “nice Earth Nation family” to adopt him? So that would be a great callback/little narrative irony, if she found a family there.  This would be after her arc in the comics so far, of course (where she leans into the insanity and villainy for a while)--

--So maybe an Earth Nation family, who lost their only daughter to the war, takes her in after she’s injured somehow and cares for her.  They have a farm, and she ends up working on it with them while she heals up.

Maybe they have a son, a couple of years younger, fiery and full of hope, who follows Azula around and gives her the admiration she craves so much. She can’t teach him bending, but she can teach him regular combat skills. He introduces her to his friend group, and because she can’t firebend or Princess them into submission, she has to learn how to-- gasp!-- interact like a normal person!

Hilarity ensues, but she figures it out slowly.

And maybe when she acts all high-handed and threatening, her Host Family makes it clear that she can’t force them to do what she wants and that they won’t stand for  “tantrums”--  which would probably be the first time anyone put her behavior into that perspective. 

At first, she’d probably say hurtful things, sneer at them, be ungrateful for their help; because like I said before, Azula has NO tools for emotional expression, and has never had to be grateful for anything. But the Earth family would lead by example, and eventually she’d start trying to be better. She’d also have to re-examine what she’d been taught about kindness being weakness and such.

She’d probably also be having extreme PTSD reactions to failure because of her past-- but the Earth family would give her understanding and gentle care, and help her understand that she doesn’t have to be perfect to earn validation or kindness.  

Meanwhile, she’s living in this Earth Nation village, and learning the same way that Zuko did about the atrocities that the Fire Nation has committed from the victims’ perspectives. Maybe she finds out that she herself is directly responsible for the death of her Host Family’s daughter, and that’s the moment that finally gets through to her--

--because Azula’s biggest flaw is her inability to take responsibility for her behavior. Zuko (eventually) apologizes, tries to make amends, all that, but Azula never gets to that point. So all this time she’s been acting out that Might Makes Right™ Fire Nation MO; but learning that she personally broke the hearts of people she cares about finally breaks through that cultural and personal arrogance and forces her to face her crimes and mistakes. 

AND THEN.

Then the redemption arc can really begin! 

GUILT! 

REMORSE! 

THE DRIVE TO REGAIN HER HONOR!

Azula, too ashamed to face her Host Family, flees the Earth Nation village and wanders from place to place, trying to outrun her guilt. As she travels, she meets people; and for the first time, tries to help those she comes across instead of harming. Tries to make up for the past. Because she is strong, and smart, and capable and determined, she would definitely be successful in helping to rebuild the Earth Nation. Maybe she starts to gain a bit of a reputation-- a good one-- and people learn they can turn to “The Red Pilgrim” (because of her cloak; she still likes Fire Nation red,) in their hour of need.

But! Because the Earth Nation is so mistrustful of firebenders (and she’s keeping a low profile,) Azula can’t use her bending when she’s helping; which forces her to find other ways to make things happen. She draws on what she’s learned from Mai’s cleverness, and Ty Lee’s friendliness, and even Zuko’s strict code of honor-- and ends up discovering that being (relatively) nice and trustworthy gets her the friends and loyalty she’s always wanted in a way that her terrifying powers can’t.

One of the people she ends up helping is a kid whose parent is super abusive, and surprise! The Abusive!Parent is someone Azula befriended earlier; someone who flattered her and agreed with her and liked to laugh at other people’s humiliation like her. A friend who behaves like Azula used to behave, which is super seductive.

Then she sees Parent!Friend verbally/emotionally abuse their kid, which brings up Azula’s own unexplored daddy issues. Finally, finally Azula realizes that Ozai is a bully, and that by emulating him, she’s been a bully her whole life too. In standing up for the kid to Parent!Friend, Azula says all the things that she never even knew she needed to tell Ozai-- and she tells Abused!Kid some things that someone ought to have told Zuko and herself. 

So from there she could return to Host Family and confess her crimes and beg forgiveness, and/or go back to Zuko and try to rebuild their familial relationship. The Host Family might not forgive her, and that would be reasonable--

--but maybe some of the friends she’s made in the village do. Maybe they understand that she’s trying to be better, and give her what encouragement they can.

Zuko would definitely forgive her; their relationship is fraught and tense, but he knows what it’s like to be trying to regain one’s honor.  The most obvious step from there would be for her to try and find a place in the new Fire Nation government, but what I’d love to see is her becoming a teacher... and maybe a priest! Joining a Fire Sage temple, using her experience to help teach new firebenders the right way. Maybe finally finding someone to fall in love with (I low-key ship her with Mai or Ty Lee lol.) 

Growing up, growing old and wise. 

Letting go of her anger. 

Doing her best to balance the bad she’s done with good. 

Becoming Grand Master Azula, the greatest firebending teacher of her generation, thus fulfilling her ambition of being The Best™ at something. 

Making up with Mai and Ty Lee, (although I’m betting Suki and Sokka are not going to be inviting her over lol.)  

Actually getting to know Aang, and realizing Oh My God I Almost Killed This Sunshine Child Why Didn’t Anyone Tell Me??

Visiting her Earth Kingdom family regularly, or sending them gifts and letters. Visiting Zuko on holidays. Learning not to be jealous of his Firelord-ishness. Learning to be proud of her big brother for all he’s accomplished. Being Best Woman at his wedding, and Auntie Zula to his kids. Taking a Family Trip to the beach every summer--

--calling him ZuZu in front of Very Important Ambassadors and such, because lol.

REDEMPTION! 

[transrightsjimin]

i was tagged by @soulmates7 thank you!!

7 ALBUMS GAME

Rules: Make an image HERE of your top 7 albums, just type in the name and select the album. This can be top 7 of all time or this year or whatever you’d like. 

ok i couldnt choose at all so now i have two images

but also i worked for 6+ hours on looking up bands i had seen live or used to listen to more often and i made a list with albums and singles that i have repeated / re-visited a lot or that simply mean a lot to me nd that i’d recommend to others. it was a bit hard to make bc i also love a lot of songs that are single releases with only 1-2 songs, but i don’t listen to them like you would to a longer single / mini album / full albums. i wanted to include laboum’s full length albums (two of us and low pop wow) but those sadly have the lowest production value in most of the songs so i cannot enjoy those fully. there’s also some older plastic tree albums from the 1990s that are hard to access for listeners so i can’t add those. anyway this is the full list (in progress) lol

CHECK IN GAME

1. How has your day been?

quite ok! i slept for 9 hours thats fucking wild, idk how that happened but im grateful! did cry abt gender stuff and am a bit frustrated abt how i took so many hours to look into old albums instead of do useful stuff, but it was very fun and inspiring.

2. What’s the last thing that made you smile?

hmm idk? i dont rly like, keep track of when i do or dont smile when im not in public hgghkjg

maybe the halloween pictures my mom sent me from her home? those were fun. or maybe my friend. idk i was quite cheerful / neutral this morning but since later in the afternoon i had a dip(?)

3. What’s keeping you entertained these days?

uhmmm ive been recently watching halloween-related videos by Abby Green on youtube and rly enjoy her vids on makeup and halloween films and other chitchat and her makeup looks are so cute! also im watching sabrinah the teenage witch episodes from time to time w my friend in the evenings, though we also watched more of stuff recently like goosebumps episodes and films and the griezelbus film and carrie yesterday. we also watch a bunch of other shows but im not too entertained by them, i just find it hard to look away hjfdkhg

4. If you are in some kind of quarantine/self-isolation, what do you hope to achieve in this time?

uh i dont know? my country has never had a real full lockdown but i of c do try to limit going outside aside from working hours, though life hasnt been much different from pre-pandemic as i rarely do fun stuff anyway. i was always inside at home for most of the time but i dont do super exciting stuff here too bc i’ve probably never gotten out of my burnout i got in 2013. i did recently watch stuff together w friends online like watch bts stuff or try to dance together but everyone is either busy or has shitty connection nd it just didnt rly work.

i mean i do want to help better my mental health through CGT and giving myself more structure nd being stricter w bedtime. i rly hope my mental health will get better but idk if i can bc the CGT appointments are 12 in total and after that the therapy stops. it rly sucks but i accepted the offer as i otherwise would be on another waiting list elsewhere too and at the previous place i had therapy for several years, i kept getting new therapists regularly too bc of stuff like their contracts ending or pregancy so i guess im used to not being able to see a therapist for a long time. so idk.

i want to get better mental health and better concentration. i also just need to get a stupid fucking job bc while i dont want to work at all, i have to to be able to live and i need a reason to get out of bed every day to go somewhere so i would have more structure and be less depressed. i mean i could say i want to draw more and dance and read more but ive been saying that for years and i still rarely do it bc im so demotivated nd have worsened focus for years and my special interests are all over the place so i never think about getting stuff done while i really should.

5. Post selfie, if you’re comfortable doing so

from a while ago. it gave me 70s vibes somehow, i like it

LAST SONG

versailles - prince (got bored so i quit playing the song)

LAST SAVED PICTURE

the downscaled selfie and 7 album pictures above

tagging: @princeshojo @lampshroomomg​  @trespassers-will @baepsrae

[szopenhauer]

What type of friend are you?  funny mom friend so like... dad friend? XD 

Have you ever been friends with someone for longer than 7 years? nah

Do you have a family member you hate? could say so

Does your family accept who you are? it’s complicated

Have you ever puked in school or at work? luckily not

Do you hate puking or does it make you feel better? hate 

Have you ever coughed up blood? nope

Do you lie to your doctor? sometimes we all have to but nothing important

Have you ever been misdiagnosed? yup

Do you think you have an disorder but havent been properly diagnosed yet? that too

Is self diagnosing good or bad? depends

Do you think sex is overated? it is

Is it important for both genders to understand eachothers bodies? I’m not dating men, I don’t want to have a son and I am not a doctor so I don’t care about male bodies, sorry

If someone was a virgin and was raped, did they lose their virginity? ...

Have you ever dated someone more than twice your age? nooo

Have you ever been cut off by a bartender because you were too drunk? I don’t drink

Have you ever borrowed money from your mom & lied about why you needed it? I don’t think so

Have you ever dated someone just because they had money? no

Have you ever lied to your spouse about the money you spent shopping? it wasn’t a lie but I bend the truth a little 

Have you ever gone on a first date with no underwear? I might go without a bra but because I don’t wanna wear it and not because I might have sex 

Do you treat attractive people better than others who aren’t as attractive? nope

Are you more comfortable with friends that are less attractive than you? not less but not more as more attractive might make me feel insecure at times

Have you ever hated a job to the point that you tried to get fired? I would if they let me stay in few places but luckily they didn’t care much about me as their worker hahaha

Have you ever lied about your weight on a driver license? there is weight on a driving license? :o

Have you ever lied during a job interview? meh

Have you ever lied to your boss to get out of work? I exaggerated feeling sick once to not get a job in a horrible place if that counts

Have you ever lied under oath in court? I wouldn’t!

Have you ever bought alcohol for someone underage? I said NO

Have you ever switched tags on an item to pay less for it? I only took tag from an identical item, just different color, as someone tore it out before and I really wanted that particular color, so no

Have you taken any pics of yourself that you wont want your parents to see? umm... yeah ^^”

Did you ever tell your BF/GF you like their outfit when you really didn’t? there are different types of like - like as I would want to wear that myself and like as I enjoy it in general but also like it on particular person etc. 

Do you feel accepted by your BF/GF ’s family? could be worse lol

Do you lie about your age? what for if everybody think I’m younger anyway

Would you risk your life to save a total stranger? maybe

Have you ever trashed your ex’s car after an argument? hell no

Have you ever snuck out of the house to go out with friends? not really

Have you ever shoplifted? no way

Have you ever done something because of peer pressure you are ashamed of? yup Have you ever been embarrassed to introduce your parents to anyone? omg

Have you ever held back a well deserved compliment because you were jealous? I don’t recall

Do you guilt people into giving you what you want? hope not, I try not to, it’s manipulative and I already am seen this way due to my BPD so... 

Would most ppl consider you better than average looking? pfft Would you prefer to have hot body or high IQ? good health

Are you embarrassed to tell people your job? I’m ashamed to tell them that I don’t have a job 

Would you give up your car to save the planet? if I had one...

Are you more likely to believe a man or woman? woman :x

Has your credit card ever been declined? I don’t use a credit card

If you ran over an animal would you keep driving? oh no...

Do you think your parents are too critical of you? my mother is

Ever blame a sibling for something you did wrong? I usually have to take the blame for her instead

Have you ever accepted credit for someone else’s work? just my alters lmfao

Did you ever buy something expensive,wear it once and return it? I didn’t, I have no money to buy and no heart to act like this either

Have you ever re-gifted something? shitload of times

Do you really care about saving the planet for future generations? not for future ppl, just for itself

Do you own anything from IKEA? not furniture 

What was the last task that you required the use of scissors for? I just dropped them and let them lay on the floor under the table because I am unable to reach ‘em

Look around the room and name any item that’s grey. stuffed bad from Biedronka that I got on a flea market

Do you know what any of your close friends did yesterday afternoon? me and M. been spending time together while my parents were at home

Can you recall the last time you woke up in a bad mood? Why was that? I always do?...

Who was the last person to send you a message with a heart emoji? my gf obviously

Does your hometown have many good bookshops? none

What would be your typical outfit for a party? I don’t attend parties 

If your girlfriend/​​boyfriend broke up with you tonight, what would you do? oh...

last dream you had: K. 3D printed or smth almost identical album as the ones I had as a baby and her and my current partner gave it to me as a gift :3

do you think a lot of people think bad things about you? I aware of that

is your best friend pissing you off at this exact moment? I informed my father that I dropped scissors and now as I picked them up he asked me when and how they ended up there while I told him about it few minutes ago - I was more worried than annoyed tbh

Why aren’t you texting the last person you kissed? she’s taking a nap

Sex ruins relationships, right? it can happen

Last person to stand up for you? hmm...

The last person you kissed, how many times have you cried in front of them? I lost count which is weird because I cry in front of my family members only (not even my grandma until I was a baby), I know that sometimes I cry in public but because I don’t give a fuck about strangers as much as I used to, close ones in the other hand... Nat hates the most when someone sees him so vulnerable

Something good going to happen tomorrow? doubt it

The last person you kissed hates you. Why? would have reasons

What do you usually do when the clock turns 11:11? it’s a secret you can unlock in a very high level of our relationship

Do you like your cell phone? it’s ok

So, what if you married the last person you kissed? we’re engaged so that dream ain’t that unreal

Have you ever had a really big fight with a best friend? uh oh

Do you plan on moving out within the next year? I wish

What are you listening to at the moment? mom and dad talking <rolling my eyes>

Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years? or never

What’s your favorite high school memory? I have a bunch of those

Do you wish you had more money? absolutely

Team Jacob or Team Edward? team hate Twilight

Do you have a problem with bisexual, gay, or bicurious people? with bicurious maybe, definitely not gay

Have you ever held hands with the opposite sex? I have

Are you a patient person? weirdly unpatient Do you think you are a good person? am not

Honestly, have you ever eaten raw cookie dough? ewww

Is there a difference between the word ‘best friend’ and ‘friend’? there is 

How was your week? rollerclaster XD

Does it bother you when an artist remakes a song that one has previously done? usually

When was the last time you cried? recently

What letter is the song you’re listening to under? M if vocalist/band B if title of the song

Would you rather visit the 60s or 70s? 60s I guess

Do your socks say anything on them? I have no socks with anything said on them

Name a TV channel that only has three letters in it. BBC

Gray or Grey? grey

Will you be buying concert tickets any time soon? I won’t

Have you seen the movie The Perks of Being a Wallflower? Did you like it? yasss, it was fine

How many weddings have you been to? less than 5

When you smile, are you confident? I am not

Have you ever not done something because you were afraid of getting in trouble? of course

Was the weather beautiful today? it’s cold

Do you have to have a fan on when you sleep? I don’t own a fan Would you rather have an orange, red or gray bedroom? walls? orange 

Would you ever dye part of your hair blue? why not whole

Is Finding Nemo a favorite movie of yours? I dislike it

Does/Did your school have a uniform? middle school only and that was a great idea

Turn on the TV. What channel are you on? not gonna

What’s your favorite thing to do? nothing

If your house was haunted, what would you do? depends

What’s worse: Slow internet or slow walkers? slow internet

Are you a fast or slow walker? which alter? :P

Do you usually have to wear a belt with your pants? I must buy belt for Nat

Are you usually the person to try new things with your hair? no comment

What age do you look forward to reaching? I live on borrowed air...

What exercise do you hate the most? awkward ones

Do you know anyone that has a gecko as a pet? no

What color shirt is your mom wearing today? she’s wearing a striped pajama and light blue sweater atm

Does any part of your body hurt right now? mor than one

Do you like Greek Mythology? not a fan

When was the last time you had Pepsi? ages ago

What was the last question you answered, not on surveys? it was more an order than a question coming from my mom 

Do you own anything Polo? used to

Do you know anyone with exaggeratedly big muscles? neighbor

What is your favorite endangered animal? are elephants still endangered?

Do you like to dance? kinda, from time to time Who was the last person who screamed your name? mom’s calling me again, grrr...

Which underwater creature do you find the most badass? what do you mean?

How do you usually find out what the weather will be like for the next week? someone tells me, I ignore them, they were wrong all along

Why have/haven’t you joined Twitter? I left as it was boring and irritating Are you good at rhyming? but don’t like to rhyme

When’s the last time you were woken up in an obnoxious way? lately it’s common

Why do you/don’t you enjoy horror movies? they’re disgusting and pointless

Do you have any celebrity’s perfume? I don’t use perfume

How well do you do at Scrabble? in polish or english?

Who is your favorite Scooby-Doo character? Velma I suppose

Have you ever played or been interested in playing World Of Warcraft? been interested, liked the movie

What kind of cake/other dessert treat did you have for your last birthday? nothing?

Who do you think does the best job at cartoon voiceovers? Jarosław Boberek 

Does your dad wear a watch all the time? years ago frequently

How much ice cream do you think you’d be able to eat before you got sick? only a bit

Do you know anybody under 40 with grey hair? I have some myself

Do you think you have the potential to be a good stalker? oh well...

Why did you read the last book that you read? I watched film and heard it has a different ending so wanted to check it out

Have you ever cross-dressed? clothes have no gender but I drew mustaches and such 

Which sport are you the best at playing? unihokej/floorball or however it’s called

Do you know anyone who has gotten pregnant despite using contraception? possibly

What would you do if you were in that situation? I’m an asexual and I’m into girls

Are you planning on buying a house in the near future? not possible

Do you prefer on-campus classes or online classes? online

What was your favorite family vacation you went on as a kid? personal

What’s something about you that others might find unpleasant or off-putting? my skin for example (not color)

What gaming consoles do you own? I only play PC and android 

Have you ever been so sick you had to be taken to the hospital? been to ER few times

Do you know any lesbian couples? I’m in one ;)

Have you ever lived in an apartment building?  just when I was staying with my grandmother

What was the last topic you asked someone for their opinion or advice on? not sure which was last

Is your house visible on Google Street View?- barely

What’s the largest thing you currently have in your refrigerator? *shrug*

Do you know anyone who has never had a pet? I believe

Would you ever get a tattoo on your collar bone? no thx

Would you take the 3 minute beatdown to be in a gang? neither Do you check your texts right away when you receive them? not every single time, it’s impossible!

Does it make you uncomfortable when you receive a compliment? sorta, I think they’re lying/want something or make fun of me (even if just slightly teasing for fun)

When you are home alone at night and hear strange noises, are you afraid someone is going to break in? I’m more “ghost” type of person hahaha

Do you wake up cranky? mhm

What is on your wrists right now? sleeves

Are you a beach, country, or city person? country or small town

Are you an official couple with the last person you kissed? we are 

What’s the greatest thing that happened to you today? ex - I got a gift and found a shirt for Nat and myself :3

How old do you think you will be when you finally have kids? -

Are you waiting for something? food

Something you do a lot? suffer

How many chances do you tend to give people before enough is enough? it’s not about the amount

What’s a fact about the last person you kissed? she likes hugs

How long have you liked the person you like? it’s a long story 

Did anyone see you kiss the last person you kissed? not our last kiss

Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now? I worry

Have you ever given your ALL to someone who walked away?

Have you ever kissed the last person you texted? we kissed 

Are you one of those people who are always cold? not always but often

Do you tend to waste a lot of money? I still feel like it even tho I don’t, I thrift often but spend little for those trinkets

Did you sing at all today? może coś nuciłam, nie pamiętam, w headspace?

Would you rather be able to control the weather or control traffic? weather

Do you own any articles of clothing with skulls on it? gave it away to John

Are you faster at text messaging or typing on the computer? typing on the computer

In your opinion which is the stronger emotion: love or hate? hate

Tongue piercings - cute or trashy? trashy

When it comes to jeans: skinny, flared or boot cut? skinny

Would you rather be a star ballerina or a star break dancer? none

They say diamonds are a girls best friend; what do you say? I don’t care for diamonds

Has anybody ever told somebody one of your secrets? plenty of times

Do you get on better with funny or serious people? smth in between

Do you have mood swings around the time of the month? I don’t need period to have mood swings, it’s stereotypical!

Have your friends met the last person you kissed? aha

What if you got stuck in a lift with the last person who Facebook messaged you? we would end up having sex? jk

When/where did your last hug take place? today

Have your parents ever told you about their love lives, and any previous relationships they had before they met? kind of

Do you and your friends have any inside jokes? and with family 

When you listen to music, do you ever find that the songs affect your moods and change how you feel? no shit Sherlock!

What’s one thing about today that you didn’t like? don’t wanna talk about all that

Who is the last person that you said i love you to, besides family members? my fiancee

Would you ever go back to any of your past relationships? done

Do you still talk to the first person you kissed? we’re together again

Do you have a picture of you kissing someone? :D

What’s a cuss word you use often? there’s a whole list

Who’s the last guy you texted? dad

Have you ever not been able to get someone out of your head? this question...

Do you remember the first conversation you had with the person you have feelings for? I remember how we met

Do you believe that people talk about you behind your back? ha!

If you had twins, would you give them rhyming names? yuk

What are you listening to? Tame Impala - Let It Happen

Did you do something mean to someone today? she deserved it!

Is there anyone that you wish was IN your life who used to be? babcia...

Give us a lyric from a song you’re listening to: The truth of it is it doesn’t get better than this

Is your birthday in less than 6 months? whoops

What brings out the worst in you? better not say that out loud

How’re you feeling right now? bad

Are you afraid of the future? very

Do you believe in true love? I’m trying

Do you believe that every one has a soul-mate? not everybody

Was today a good day? should be better

What woke you up this morning? woke up on my own

Do you look people in the eye when you talk to them? I don’t 

Have you ever played naked twister? wut...

Is your hair longer than your shoulders? not yet and don’t plan to keep it that long

Would you get in trouble if you came home drunk? that would be a shock to my family (and to me)

Do you ever think about things and start to worry? 100% of the time

Are you one to get annoyed easily? that me!

Is the last person you kissed yours? we don’t own ppl...

Was it a boy or a girl to text you first today? girl

Are you scared of spiders? am not

Do you hate the last boy who talked to you? I love my parent

Do you tend to make things complicated? not on purpose

Have you ever gotten to the point where you’ve said “I’m done trying”? gqe1gIQASGCK...

Do you think things will change in the next few months? I’m afraid for worse 

Do you like when people play with your hair? it’s strange

What are you wearing right now? bluzę w czarne i białe paski, zieloną bluzkę z długimi rękawami i szare legginsy z niebieskim wzorkiem

Ever feel like you have been replaced? more than once

Would you rather write a paper or give a speech? write

Are you lying to yourself about something? thx a lot for this ask...

Is the person you last texted single? she’s with me

Do you think any of your exes will eventually want to be with you again? tha hell

If you could move away, no questions asked, where would you move to? just my own apartment

Which do you prefer, relationship or a one-night-stand? relationship

[norixprincess]

This Is So Wrong But It Feels So Right pt. 1

This Is So Wrong But It Feels So Right Pt. 1/2 (re-uploaded)

One-Shot

Part: 1/2

Genre: Slight Angst(?) + Smut + Romance

Characters: Jaehyun (NCT 127), Mira (OC), JB (GOT7)

Rating: 18+

Plot: A tutor starts having an affair with her student when she learns of her boyfriends affairs.

A/n: I’m not good at making summaries/forwards so uh I’m just get right into it also I love JB he just has the right look/vibes for the type of character I’m making him lol i am aware he is actually a huge softy irl

“Your exam is next week right, Jaehyun?”

“Yeah, my professor throws one at us every month, it’s on the same day I have a paper due for history too, school is killing me,” the young man let out a groan as he stretched back against the chair “Ahhh Mira noona~ is there anyway I can pay you to write my paper for me?”

“Nope, you gotta do it yourself, I can help you but I won’t do it for you,” Mira flipped over onto the next page in the biology text book when Jaehyun wrapped his arms around her arm. She looked down at the younger male who was pouting at her and giving her puppy dog eyes “Please~?” He begged cutely, Mira rolled her eyes and poked his forehead back “no, now focus, we still have a lot to go through,”

Jaehyun huffed before releasing her arm and leaning forward against the table. As they went over the lessons Mira hadn’t realized that half the time she would be explaining something or reading Jaehyun was just be staring at her, admiring her profile as she spoke. Mira always took his flirting as a joke, to be fair that was on him since he had always passed it off as a joke when truthfully he really was into her. He knew he had no chance with her, she was 2 years older than him and already had a man. A really attractive man at that.

Jaehyun let out a soft sigh before re-focusing on the text book. To tell the truth he was a smart guy, he didn’t really need tutoring. Well maybe in the beginning he did since he had missed a lot of classes because of his health, he needed to get back on track. But as he spent more time with her the more he had started to notice her charms, he slowly fell for her. She was kind and caring, she seemed to always be able to tell when he was really stressed or when his mood was down so she would cheer him up or let him vent. She was easy to talk to. As he realized his feelings he began to continue to come for tutoring sessions as an excuse to be with her. He knew that he shouldn’t be and that eventually he should just give up and move on from her. But for the time being he wanted to enjoy the time he had with her.

When the session came to end he was about leave he turned to Mira “Noona, tomorrow night my friends and some other kids from school are going to have a BBQ party at the park, you wanna come?”

“Hmm, send me the details and if I’m free I’ll go,”

Jaehyun nodded and bowed his head before leaving.

-

Jaehyun was talking and laughing with his friends when he noticed Mira walking towards them. Jaehyun’s lips immediately formed a grin, the dimples on his face making an appearance. “Noona! You came,” he went towards her and hugged her “Yeah, I didn’t have anything planned, so here I am,” she hugged him back before pulling back to greet his friends.

“Oh right these are my friends Johnny, Mark and Doyoung,” Jaehyun introduced them before introducing her to them as well “This is Mira, she’s my tutor,” they all greeted each other. But as Jaehyun watched them his smile soon faltered a bit when he saw a man appear by Mira’s side, his arm snaking around her waist. He knew it was her boyfriend since he’s seen images of him before. Mira smiled brightly when he joined and introduced him “This is my boyfriend Jaebeom, and Jaebeom oppa this is...” Mira introduced them to Jaebeom but Jaehyun wasn’t listening. He was busy eyeing Jaebeom’s arm, wishing it was him in his spot.

He started feeling competitive. He felt the need to win her over, he knows he shouldn’t get in between people relationships like this but he felt this strong desire to try and win her heart over. He already started making his plans just then.

The rest of the night was spent with everyone getting along and catching up. Mira had momentarily separated to catch up with the student’s she recognized from her past and current classes. Jaebeom also separated from the group to speak with some old friends as well, but Jaehyun kept his eyes on him to find any flaws with him, to figure him out and see which ways he’s better than him. While he watched him he swore that he saw Jaebeom checking out other girls and low-key flirting. But he didn’t want to start drama, after he couldn’t be sure just based on what he thinks he’s seeing. Jaehyun always tried to be rational but he still believed that he definitely was checking out some of the girls at the party.

“Hyung am I the only one who noticed he’s checking out other girls with his girl friend right here?” Jaehyun leaned towards Johnny “Who?”

“Jaebeom...”

“Actually yeah I did notice something like that, he straight up stared at Taeyeon’s ass while licking his lips,”

“Should we tell Mira noona?”

“Nah, that’s none of our business, you don’t want to start any issues,”

“I don’t know I just don’t think it’s right,”

“Maybe she already knows, I don’t know, I don’t like putting my nose into other peoples issues,”

Jaehyun let out a small sigh, but right then Mira came to their side, she handed Jaehyun and Johnny a bottle of beer “Thanks for inviting me Jaehyun, it’s been a while since I went to a party, I’ve been so preoccupied with work and school recently I forgot that I should let loose once in a while,” She smiled brightly at Jaehyun and Jaehyun’s heart skipped a beat, his ears slowly turned red and he cleared his throat, nodding “I’ll start inviting you for more fun then and you can join whenever you have free time,” he took a big sip from his beer, Johnny had noticed that Jaehyun was blushing and he immediately knew what was up and why he was worried about her. He smirked and gave Jaehyun a nudge “Ahhh I get it now, so that’s whats up huh?” Jaehyun looked up at Johnny in confusion “What are you talking about?” Johnny only gave him a knowing smile and tapped his own ear to give Jaehyun a hint. Jaehyun’s ears turned red again in embarrassment “Hyung!”

Mira smiled at the two, unsure of what they were speaking about, but she was distracted anyway. She turned her head too look over at Jaebeom laughing and speaking with the other students. Her lips pursed before she took in a deep a breath and let it out. She, like Johnny and Jaehyun, has also caught Jaebeom checking a girls ass. She had caught him checking girls out on multiple occasions but she didn’t say anything because she didn’t want to fight. She decided it was fine as long as he wasn’t actually doing anything with other girls. Though she still has her suspicions of him but she pushes those suspicions aside, she had no evidence to back those suspicions up anyway.

-

After that day Jaehyun would often invite her to hang out with him and his friends. They would hang out at the end of every week, bowling, eating or doing karaoke. Jaehyun took these chances to get closer to Mira and would show her what kind of guy he is. During karaoke he definitely took advantage to show off his singing skills, and Mira really was impressed by his voice.

When she clapped and complimented him at the end of the song he smirked and gave her a wink. Mira would be lying if she said that it didn’t catch her off guard and make her blush. But of course she wasn’t going to admit it, there was no reason too, she wasn’t into him like that.

When the semester ended Jaehyun decided to confess his feelings to her. He know’s he would get rejected but he wanted to do it anyway. So he had asked her to come out for walk and some late night snacks. Mira agreed and met up with him. They walked and talked and made sure to grab some bites from the street vendors. At the end of the night he walked her to her apartment door. Before she could unlock the door Jaehyun spoke up “Noona...I have something to say,”

Mira turned to face him, keys still in hand “Is something up?”

Jaehyun shook his head, taking a deep breath before speaking up “I really like you....no, that’s not the right word...I love you, the truth is I never needed the tutoring, in the beginning I did but after that it was all just an excuse for me to be with you, I had feelings for you from the start I just didn’t say anything because you have a boyfriend, but I need to tell you this now, I know it’s wrong but I really want to win you over I’ve been trying to win you over for a while now...”

He paused a moment, there was silence between the two as Mira stared at him, speechless and surprised she didn’t know how to respond.

“Sorry if I made things weird, I’ll just leave now, I hope we can still be friends...feel free to pretend this didn’t happen,” Jaehyun turned away and quickly left. He didn’t want to hear her reject him, he already knows he’s rejected there was no need to hear it out loud.

Mira didn’t stop him from leaving, she had nothing to say, what would she say? “I’m sorry but I don’t feel the same?” He already knew that, he knows everything that she could possibly have said to him and there was no need to to hurt him by saying it again. She could have comforted him but what would she say “it’s okay there’s more fish in the sea?” it was probably best that she kept quiet. But despite deciding that that was the best thing she could do she couldn’t help but think about it all night. Needless to stay Jaehyun was also in his bed, tossing in turning as that moment repeated over in over in his head.

-

Mira tried to make Christmas Eve plans with Jaebeom but Jaebeom said he was busy, he told her he would make up for it later and they can go on a date after Christmas. Mira was disappointed and upset. She really wanted to spend time with him since they didn’t get to see each other often. She lied back on her bed and let out a heavy sigh “Guess I should find something else to do then...” She unlocked her phone and began going through Instagram to see what everyone is up to when she saw Jaehyun’s post. It was an image of him pouting and the caption was “Seems like everyone is busy on Christmas, is no one available to spend their Christmas Eve with this lonely guy? Please? Anyone? T-T”

Mira let out a soft giggle and decided to shoot him a text, it had been a while since they’ve met up, ever since he confessed they seemed to be avoiding each other but Mira decided to push that aside.

Mira: hey lonely boy, heard you’re spending Christmas alone this year

Jaehyun: Yeah, everyone has plans already T-T noona save me...

Jaehyun: Oh wait, you probably have plans with Jaebeom-hyung...

Mira: Actually, no, he can’t hang out with me that day, he’s busy, we planned for something after though

Jaehyun: oh- sorry noona

Mira: You wanna hang out on Christmas? We can do some Ice Skating and Karaoke or something...and then dinner of course

Jaehyun: Noooooonaaaa my savior, can we get cake too?

Mira: you sound like a baby, but sure

Mira hadn’t noticed how big her smile was as she spoke with him. She found his childlike side cute and endearing.

-

Christmas Eve finally rolled around, Mira met up with Jaehyun by the Cafe they discussed. Jaehyun showed up a little late with two warm cups of hot chocolate “Mira! It’s been a while huh?” Mira smiled and nodded “yeah it really has been,” Jaehyun held the cup towards her “here, to keep you warm as we walk,” Mira took the cup and carefully took a sip. The two of them walked until they reached the ice ring, they rented a pair of ice skates and proceeded to have fun skating badly. Jaehyun wasn’t too bad at it but Mira kept slipping up and messing up. Jaehyun had fun teasing her and dragging her around.

When they decided they had enough fun on the ice Mira decided she was hungry so they agreed to have dinner first. They had decided on Korea BBQ.

Sitting across from each other they talked, ate and drank. Although the were having fun Jaehyun had been resisting the urge to hold her hand all evening. Even now he really wanted to reach over and hold her hand, or kiss her. It was hard, after all his feelings weren’t going to go away so soon. In the end of the day all he can do is admire her presence.

When they finished their dinner they paid and made their way to a nearby cafe for some dessert. But as they were approaching the bakery Mira suddenly slowed down before coming to a stop. When Jaehyun noticed she was no longer walking beside him he turned around “You good?” Mira brought her attention back to Jaehyun and nodded “Um actually, why don’t we just get dessert from the karaoke place? We can have some cake while singing and stuff,”

“You sure? This place is pretty good,”

“I know, it just looks busy and I don’t feel like waiting in line,”

Jaehyun shrugged “I mean, Okay I guess, if that’s what you want,”

The two got into a taxi. Through the whole ride Mira was on her phone, she texted her boyfriend asking how was work and what he was up to.

“Is everything okay? You’re suddenly quiet and seem kinda down...”

Jaehyun’s voice brought her attention to him. She smiled and nodded “I’m fine, don’t worry, I just don’t have anything to talk about,” The truth is, she wasn’t okay, and Jaehyun could tell but he didn’t know why. But Mira wasn’t about to tell him that she had just seen her boyfriend Jaebeom, right in front of the bakery, in a full out make out session with another girl. She clearly saw his face, she watched it all happen as he held her face and pulled her in for that kiss. She knew for a fact she didn’t mistake a stranger for him.

Especially since he was wearing the customized beanie she had bought him for his birthday. So no, she was not okay. She was furious, and upset. Her stomach had down a full back flip and she felt nauseous.

The rest of the night Mira tried her best to act as if everything was okay, but Jaehyun could tell she was putting up an act. But he decided not to pry so he decided to just have fun and try to make her laugh as he teased her. It didn’t really work though.

At the end of the night Jaehyun walker her to her door. As she was about to head inside she paused before taking a step inside then turned towards him “Do you want to watch a movie with me? I kind of want to spend some more time with you,”

Jaehyun was surprised at her request, he thought after his confession she would never want him to step inside her place again. He wasn’t about to reject her offer though “Sure...” he followed her inside and took his coat off, hanging it up on the hanger on the wall.

-

Jaehyun was sitting in shock, eyes wide at the sudden situation he was in. Just a second ago he was enjoying the movie Mira had put on but now he was sitting with the older woman straddling his lap, her lips pressed up against his. He couldn't tell if he was dreaming or not. He didn't know how to react. As much as he wanted to kiss her back he didn't, he pulled back "What...what are you doing?"

"I'm kissing you,"

"Noona...maybe you had too much drink, we shouldn't be doing this,"

"I'm not drunk, I want this,"

"But...what about, what about your-"

"Jaehyun, just shut up and kiss me already, didn't you say you wanted to win me over?"

Jaehyun swallowed back his saliva, was this her way of telling him that he's winning her over? He looked into her eyes, he didn't know how to react or what to do. She had never mentioned breaking up with Jaebeom.

"Are you going to kiss me or not?" Mira's lips were barely even an inch away from his, her eyes gazing into his. Jaehyun's heart was racing and all he could think of was having her to himself in that moment "Shit...why does she have to make this so hard for me..." He thought to himself.

Jaehyun gave in, he wrapped his arms around her waist as his pressed into hers. Their lips moved in harmony with each other as he held her close to his body.

"God, this is so wrong...but damn it it feels so right"

The butterflies in his stomach were going wild with excitement. He knew this was wrong as she was still in a relationship but he didn't care, he wanted to have her at least this one time, even if meant her possibly completely cutting him out of her life afterwards. He didn't care.

Jaehyun lifted her and placed her down on the sofa, his body hovering over hers. Mira closed her eyes as his lips began to move down against her jawline, down to her neck, when he found her sweet spot he gently sucked on the skin, a soft sigh of pleasure escaping Mira's lips in response. He soon slipped his fingers underneath her shirt, slowly trailing his fingers against her skin, slowly going higher. His lips began to move lower down to her collarbone but he stop right before he go to her chest, and lifted his head to look at her as he gripped onto the hem of her shirt "noona, can I take this off?" Mira nodded her head, cupping his cheek in one hand, gently stroking his cheek with her thumb.

Jaehyun began to lift her shirt up as Mira lifted herself to help him get it off of her. Jaehyun took a moment to appreciate her body, his heart was racing with excitement. This made Mira's face go hot with embarrassment as he stated at her body. He lowered his head once more, his lips pressing against the skin on her chest, as he kissed over her chest he pushed her bra straps down her shoulders and tugged her bra down, her breasts now sitting right before his eyes "fuck, you're beautiful," he said under his breath before taking her nipple between lips without hesitation. Mira let out a soft and quiet moan. She bit down onto her finger as she closed her eyes, enjoying the moment.

She wrapped a leg around his waist, pulling his waist closer to hers. Jaehyun responded by moving his hips against hers as he moved his head to suck on her other nipple. Mira let out another moan, which only encouraged him to suck more harshly, his hips still rolling against hers.

He soon lifted his head leaned into her lips. Their lips moved together, his tongue poking at her lips asking for entrance. Her lips parted in response, as his tongue slipped right in, their tongues dancing together. Jaehyun didn't want this to stop, he wanted kiss every inch of her, he wanted to make her feel good.

His hand slid between them, working at the button on her jeans, once it was open he pulled down the zipper and slipped his hand in underneath her panties. His fingers pressing against her as he began to massage her. A moan escaped Mira's lips, her body getting hotter and breathing slowly growing heavy.

Her moans threw Jaehyun into a high, he let out a soft breathy groan at the sound of her moans, he needed to hear it more.

His finger slipped into her and began working at her insides. For some reason at that moment guilt suddenly rushed through out her entire body, remembering her boyfriend and how she still had feelings for him. "Fuck...fuck, wait Jaehyun, stop," Jaehyun pulled his hand away and looked down at her with concern "is everything okay?"

Mira wanted to cry, she was overwhelmed with guilt, she didn't want to do this Jaebeom nor Jaehyun. She was basically just using Jaehyun to release her anger at this point and she didn't want to do that to him. "I'm sorry I just...I think I got ahead of myself, we shouldn't be doing this this is so wrong..."

Jaehyun sat up, respecting her wishes "it's okay, we can stop, do you want me to leave?" He secretly hoped she would say no, he felt if she told him to leave that it would be the end of it for both if them. He would never see nor hear from her again.

Mira shook her her head "no, stay, let's just go to bed I...would be nice to have someone to cuddle for tonight," Jaehyun was was happy that she told him to say, he wanted kiss her but he held himself back. Mira climbed off the couch "I'm going to change into something more comfortable..."

Mira disappeared into her room, when she did she finally broke into tears. She cried quietly. She was crying because of the guilt, but she was also crying because of the betrayal of her boyfriend. She didn't know what to do.

In the meantime Jaehyun had gone to the restroom to wash up. He made his way back to the living room, taking his belt off so that he could sleep more comfortably. He noticed Mira was taking a while and was contemplating knocking on her door. But just then she stepped out and gave him a small smile before heading into the bathroom. He had noticed that her eyes were red, almost as if she was crying. He didn’t say anything though because he I realized she must have been feeling guilty.

He blamed himself though, if he hadn’t given in she wouldn’t have been in this position.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

let's do a classic Primez ask

thank you lol Prime Time is.....6 am is when im posting this, christ lol what else is new around here........Good Morning in advance lol and [rise and shine sailors it be monday]

2: Favorite book?

i don’t have one lol

3: Favorite fictional character?

i also don’t Properly have like, all-time ultimate Faves in these kind of categories either, but there’s still standouts at least lol......obviously lately it might show that i’m enjoying winston billions a lot, and natch that’s just One of the many wrol roles i’ve been glad to discover. natch winston, jared, and jeremy are fave raves amonth them

5: What’s your favorite fictional ship? (Canon or otherwise)

this is the same as the [fave fictional characters] thing in that like, sometimes i’ll Consume something where i don’t have any, and generally i’m out here multishipping and not like live or die by one Specific Pairing, if i like a character i’ll also probably like Many of their dynamic/s with various other characters, unless the options are That limited.......tying this in to the fave fictional character thing, re: winston, naturally tayston and benston, aka the fruits of us all combining our Genius, are top tier and here’s riawin where we don’t know for sure where it’s going but we’re getting some great Dynamic(tm) stuff anyways.....and natch re: jared i Enjoy Kleinsen (as something to make up ideas about that are outside canon and also as a perspective thru which to analyze canon) and re: jeremy.....stagedorks is beautiful, wild to have canon just give you some content that’s already as good as that

7: List 3 negative traits you have 

well i can be fairly anxious about certain things, which is mostly negative for me lol.........a more negative 2-way street is that i’m just generally in defensive mode around people lol, often i’m like, just trying to avoid Attention entirely and/or like uh oh attention, gotta try to just avoid taking damage from it lol.......on a gradual journey to just being default More Unpleasant / less accommodating lmao......not that i can’t be sometimes, or that i can’t be Genuinely Friendly with randos coz i like their vibe and actually Like socializing lol.........and then re: the challenges of socializing, it seems like maybe when i’m in an interaction i get caught up in [uh oh how do i Respond a) at all b) in a way that’s Good(tm)] and it maybe makes me less attentive to the other person / a worse Listener smh

11: How do you decide when it’s time to cut someone out of your life for good?

idk luckily it’s not something i’ve had to do left and right lol.......but ime it’s Also not exactly like. usually a “ah Now Is The Time to have zero relationship with this person” and most often it’s like [gradual distancing period that is mostly passive] and/or just choosing Not to reinitiate any sort of relationship........though re: more active approaches lol it’s more like. time to try to tune into my [does this feel like something indefinitely sustainable / something you actually Want to have continue in any way] gauge or whatevs. and then still it’s like, sometimes easier if moments happen to come along that provide an [opt out?] choice presented to you kinda lol.........if it’s someone You don’t want to be involved with really but they don’t feel the same and it’s “on you” to decide to peace out at some point it’s more difficult coz such [do you want to opt out]-distilled Moments probably don’t seem to manifest but i think that’s a useful thing to be aware of in itself........i.e. that there’s not always going to be a Narrative-Friendly “point of no return” / clear Line Being Crossed and even if it Doesn’t feel like “i can’t / don’t want to deal with this for Literally one more day” that doesn’t mean you should totally stick it out / don’t have enough reason to decide that you are Done at this particular moment even if you haven’t been Done prior or think you plausibly hold off on it. don’t need to have some kind of story where you think if you Explained it to anyone or everyone it’d universally be understood and everything would applaud like “Yes, the Right Decision” lmao like. not their business....

13: What are your favorite lyrics currently?

well with our groupchat in the replies to that Eternally Crying Over The Bar Song post..........just enjoy the “stay here for a while / cuz it’s nice / cuz it’s holy” part of the refrain, a fun part of the music, and that classic iconis like, lyrics being in a sort of character Voice and yet getting the idea / feelings across effectively even when the words are sort of general or simple.......”shooting from the heart / but we’re all a lousy shot” is great lol and also “say you will always be here” ending with “for one more” is like, there’s another Broader Idea / Sentiment expressed so effectively :’|

17: If you could make a wish, what would you wish for if you knew it would come true?

i can’t do any fun answers lmao it’d just be like [political commentary] but that’s warranted lbr

19: How do you handle heartbreak? Is it something that’s easy for you to get over, or something you struggle with?

lmao i think it is like By Definition not easy for anyone to get over / Not struggle with.........can’t say i’ve had Romantic Misadventures exactly but uh yeah it feels bad to feel bad but i like......wait it out???? idk lmao you can’t really just timeskip past.....Heartbreak Sucks For Everyone Cuz That’s Kind Of The Whole Thing

23: What do you want your future to be like?

pandemic-less, fascism-less........i can’t say i’ve ever been someone like “yea i Know what i want to do and have this whole plan set out how i’m gonna do it lol” i remember when i was like 4 or 5 or whatever being asked What Do You Want To Do When You Grow Up and i was like “shit idk.......i like dinosaurs so i guess paleontologist??” and it was as much a mystery going forward.........always and still mostly playing things by ear with a few vague “if / then” type ideas......aren’t we all though ig

29: Do you think zodiac signs can influence someone’s personality to an extent?

what do i know but i Don’t like or respect the recent years trend ppl being way into it like this isn’t [being really serious about hogwarts houses] or Earnest Myer Briggs Types energy that everyone’s bringing to it......like what are you getting out of trying to be this Prescriptive based on when ppl’s parents got into it. meanwhile i’ve been on the edge of my seat since someone tweeted about “when will we get the first astrology discrimination lawsuit” re: a story about ppl wanting a housemate with a certain sign for compatibility reasons. and like again if it Is like “yes there are time-of-year Personality Types for Objective Real” like. okay, still, what is this Approach that ppl have....doing for anyone.....

31: What does ‘self care’ look like for you?

not very fancy lol i’ll be like “damn i think i haven’t eaten today” and then do it......or be like hey here i’m gonna Do A Stretch or some shit. walk around. step outside if it’s nice. both true that Self Care has inherent limitations re: like we can’t just cancel out all the detriments to our wellbeing via Personal Choices and yet also we can’t Not look out for ourselves how we can......i’ll watch something that i Enjoy. or just knock out if it’s like “christ i need a mood reset” or i’m trying to timeskip through a headache. pet a cat. i like to try to be Appreciative of everyday ordinary shit......also messing around Making Stuff whether drawings or otherwise can be a good helpful use of time, i like talking to people who i like talking to, and other stunning stuff like that lol

37: Have you ever been surprised by someone staying in your life?

not really lol coz again with how i’m pretty slow to realize that someone is like, nonzero actively interested in interacting with me on a regular basis, and then once someone’s In My Life there’s no particular point where i go “whoa....You’re still here??”......ig sometimes there’s like, Friendly Acquaintances where it’d be Unsurprising if they just sort of dropped fully out of the orbit but they do not

41: How do you show you care?

hmm i sure like to do ppl favors / give them gifts / help them out w/ whatever, hang out / generally be Around them where like, doing [parallel tasks] works i.e. maybe we’re doing different things but in the same room.....just like to Talk and all and listen to ppl and Learn Things About Them, try to pick up stuff re: ways that ppl express like “hey to me it conveys Being Cared About when ppl do ___”........food/cooking is a love language......that thing where shit you’d be way too anxious to do on your own For Yourself is like, oh i’m absolutely gonna do it on behalf of someone i care about.......all this stuff is more like, Possible in person lmao rip. i Care you guys

43: Which of the seven deadly sins do you feel represents you the most?

who is your hellsona and what is their origin story (how they got condemned to hell).........if i’m irritable / argumentative am i wrathful? you could presumably someone saying yep it is inherently the one deadly sin of lust if you’re queer.......at any given time i’m passed out and dreaming about “fuck capitalism and the protestant work ethic” and that’s sloth i guess. and okay i went “who named an animal after a The Deadly Sin as if it’s like ‘wow fuck this animal for choosing not to zoom around as though they could and i apparently think that they should’ tf” and in looking it up i immediately learned the Sloth Fact that apparently their shits are insane and also the most dangerous thing they do?? like they poop only maybe once a week and All At Once so that a single dump might knock off a third of their total weight........and it’s pretty much the only time they leave the upper branches of trees, in that they crawl down to hold on to the trunk and take this monster shit and naturally they’re not great on the ground so Pooping is like the leading cause of death for sloths in the wild. and i think they ought to be named after that. 

47: What are you passionate about?

oh man [i am passionate a lot.mp3] lol.........always having a variety of Interestes which i like to talk about / potentially make things about.......decent amount of subjects i like to learn things about even if  i’m bad at like, actually learning things generally lmao, what’s Not losing focus on shit.......idk it’s not that hard for me to like go off about Whatever, got these jack of all trades interests / areas of Some knowledge, i’m opinionated and probably have something (extensive) to say about anything as just part of my charm lol, and just in general i can get Enthused / worked up about things..........also passionate about various [niche gay shit] things eternally. whoms among us isn’t

[pffbts]

ooooh what about a scene that's more grungy and dark. That would be really interesting in your style of writing.

―genre: fluff; angst; crack.

―characters: park jimin x female reader | no supporting character.

―w.c: 1.8K

―author`s note: this is nowhere near ‘grungy’ or ‘dark’ but i guess there are some deep, underlying pent up frustration and anger in the reader which makes the core point of this little (who am i kidding? it`s almost 2K lol.) fiction. i hope you enjoy it and if it wasn`t up to your expectation then i`m sorry. maybe i`m incapable of writing something like your request. i`m really sorry. but if you like it, please leave a comment letting me know if you`re at least okay with it. thank you, baby. much love

―suggestion: listen to ‘song request’ by lee sora ft. suga of bts while reading this.

[00:10 AM] [smell of machines, a fleeting calming wind from the room heater and the voice of a winner of someone`s love]

― “hey rj, play a song to make me cry smile.” the chit of paper that was in front of his door and in his hand right now lost the confinement of his grip as he reads the words all over again.

park jimin had a fascination for the girl who lived next door, who also as the class arrangement came down with it sits in front of him. it was very laughable – the strings of coincident that occurred from the day he came across you. this girl never gave him a second glance, even if he wasn`t paying enough attention to her. it was just the nape of your neck. the way your hair ended just top of your baby spine hairs.

he was almost caught once when the teacher was passing out the school festival leaflet to the class. he was almost caught pressing that little, tantalizing spot where your hair ends.

it took him exactly two weeks and when he slumped against the window during a free period, staring at your stoic side profile to realize what he was getting himself into. not being a big talk of the class, jimin has always kept himself to his own world where somehow you existed unconsciously.

he felt like a new doctor in the town when he first discovered his feelings for you, a silent romance blooming along with the new flowers of the early spring. he felt like this operation with you would take a while. but time doesn`t listen to anyone`s bidding and soon came the end of middle school. high school came and the girl inside his mind town left him, all alone with his feelings.

it`s been four years and falling out of love has always been tough as he sits in front of his part-time job, in front of the radio mechanics and feels the edges of his round rim glasses.

*

you have heard this a couple of times – the local new late night radio jockey and the girls who whisper about him every day at the back of your class. being not a big fan of radio and their new ways of working, you didn`t spare a free glance to the radio standing on the cupboard in the corridor of your house.

every last year of school days went like this – in the middle of every lesson, there were some girls giggling in their high pitch voice and whisper squeal once in a while when someone said something evidently new about the radio jockey. curiosity got the best of you these days and when you came home two months ago on such afternoon, you told your mother that you`re going to borrow the radio that night.

“really? did your love for radio got revived, hmm?” your mother teased that night during dinner time. all you could do was let a single laugh slip out from your mouth as the chicken melted inside your mouth.

when you lay down after an orgasmic dinner, you stared back at the night-like ceiling of your room. with quiet little steps, you went back to those days when radio was the only thing you would think about. the songs, the names of all the radio jockeys of each station. you turned the tape a little further to the day when your father left both your mother and you in this home. with that went away your first hero and soon came your first love – the radio.

it was your mother`s way of keeping you occupied and not let you cry over your abandoned father. it was raining that night and when the young radio jockey asked for requests, your mother collected you in her arms making you sit on her lap and pulled the radio close to both of you. she came close to your ears and whispered, “hey rj play me a song to make me smile.” you remembered looking at your mother and letting out a stream of a giggle with her. “mummy!” “why? don`t you want to be mummy`s rj?”

you laughed at the sudden memory and when you opened your eyes, your eyebrows shot up. turning your head to your sides, you glanced the clock which read 11:57 PM. oh no, you jumped from your bed and almost ran to pick up the novel sized radio and put it on your bed. you searched your memory for the name of the station. picking it up, you let it play on its own. it was some random local song.

laying back again, you turned over facing the radio, the speaker at your eye level and a voice spoke all of a sudden almost coordinating with the widening of your eyes.

*

the current silver-blue coloured boy with round rim glass caught you staring at him with squinting eyes, looking almost like a funny character from some comic book he can`t remember the title. he waved his hand at you but you remained there, in front of your window – the curtains finally thrown apart – like a statue. jimin stared behind him, and pain suddenly shot through his neck. ugh, these late night shift really was taking a toll on his physical health.

anyway, he turned just to search for anything that you might be glaring at and not him. he really didn`t want it to be him. wait, did you actually recognized him? do you really know that he now works as a late night jockey at the local radio station? fuck.

park jimin could flirt with anyone, literally anyone. even the local dogs know only honey leaks out of his eyes. literally, everyone in the town was whipped with his very voice. all you could hear in your brain was how does this boy who sat behind you all throughout the middle school without any group of friends, without any girlfriend suddenly has a degree on how to voice fuck the whole town. you really stopped yourself from falling in that deep pit hole last night.

but it was not just that – you pulled the curtains together and fell over your bed again after that staring contest – it was that he made you remind of your first love. the way you picked out all the memorandum of emotions behind these closed doors of your head. you felt for the first time, after a really long time that somehow a ray of sun ray has entered into your room lighting up that polaroid of you sleeping by the radio as a simple, a very regular three years old.

park jimin – his voice, his little giggles and his stupid nickname for his show – what was it again? – oh yes, “an ode to the girl in front of me.” and not just that – he always asks his request callers to help him find a song for this girl he can`t fall out of love just to make her smile. you rolled over your bed and just as your face came in contact with your pillow, your eyes went wide again.

jumping from your bed and accidentally hitting your ankle you limped to the window again. the wave of scream that started building its speed up to your throat met with a red light when you saw the curtains of jimin`s room drawn in – indicating that he might be sleeping after staying up late at the radio station. hmm, acceptable, you said to yourself.

*

the show never starts until 12:00 A.M strikes. so you considered yourself that you had enough time. putting on your snapback hat, a loose white t-shirt and home shorts, you walked towards the house next door around 10:00 P.M. even though the door was lock and the only voice you could hear was the television playing some random Korean drama, you couldn`t help but put up a little smile across the corner of your lips.

completing your so-called job, you turned your back to the door and came home jogging as silently as possible. your mother asked you if she would call for takeout tonight instead of homemade food. you nodded your head, giving a soft once-over. the hard working woman in your house sometimes needed her much deserved rest, right?

then you remembered what you had to ask her. going down the stairs again, you saw your mother already on her phone. she looked up at you wiggling her brows. you sniffled a laugh and point at the radio that sat silently beside the home phone. she closed her eyes and motioned her head to let you take it with you.

smiling ear to ear, you carried it to your room. placing it on your bed, you waited for a sudden breeze of air to fill up this dry void of your heart.

park jimin took a deep breath and calmed down his highly active heart. the digital clock beside his microphone said 00:05 AM – he was five minutes late to the show but he felt like a winner at this moment.

clearing his throat, he spoke into the mic, the little chit of paper inside his grip –

“to the ones listening, this is finally the night of the much-waited ode. this is to the girl who is in front of me. this is to the girl who is there finally on the other line.”

[lovemesomesurveys]

If you were given three things to make you happy, what would these be? Good health (mentally and physically) is really what I would need, but money and a beach home would be nice, too. How would you rank the following in importance: family, career, love life? Family is first and foremost. I’m struggling to rank the other 2. I’m unable to work right now, plus I have no idea what I’d want or could do. It’s not something I’m thinking about right now or actively seeking. Same with my love life, which is currently completely non-existent. I’m not actively seeking that either right now. It’s best for me right now to be single and I’m pretty fine with that at this time. Which would you prefer: having a baby without a partner or a partner without a baby? Partner without a baby. What was your experience about being “mansplained,” and what did you do about it? I’ve dealt with know-it-alls and condescending people, both men and women.   Who was your favorite cartoon character when you were a kid? Hm. Not sure about cartoon character, but I was obsessed with Barney.

Do you think God is real, and why? Yes. Do you believe in giving people second chances, and why? Yeah, generally. In some cases I’ve probably given too many. How would you describe your first crush? I was 9 years old, I really don’t remember much. Do you ever keep a journal? I used to keep physical journals in middle school and early high school, but now this is my journal. Do you think people fall in love because the right person has arrived, or because the time is right (regardless of whom the person is that they fall in love with)? I believe the person themselves is the main thing, but timing does play a role. How do you feel about the #MeToo movement? I think it’s extremely important to speak up and out about sexual harassment and assault. What do you look for in a relationship? Someone who is patient, understanding, caring, and kind is very important. A good sense of humor, too. What is your idea of a perfect date? Just being with the person somewhere where we’re able to talk and enjoy each other’s company. Food and coffee at some point, too. ha. What legacy do you want people to remember about you after you’re gone? I don’t know. I haven’t done anything memorable thus far.

”When my time comes, forget the wrong that I’ve done. Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed. And don’t resent me. And when you’re feeling empty, keep me in your memories, leave out all the rest.” Have you ever asked a guy out on a date? No. What was the most important lesson you’ve learned from your past relationship? Don’t allow someone to play or use you. What book influenced you the most? The Bible. What life-changing event have you experienced? There’s been a few, starting with the one that made me a paraplegic at just 7 months old.  What’s a deal-breaker for you in a relationship? I’d like to think abuse would be. Are you a morning or a night person? I’m barely a person, my guy. How important is trust in a relationship? Extremely. I don’t see how you could have one with someone you don’t even trust. How do you feel about infidelity? I don’t feel great about it. Do you believe that the day will arrive when humans will be replaced by machines in almost all aspects of life? In some ways that’s happened. For example, at the lab office I go to to get blood work done, there aren’t any receptionists at the desk. There’s like an iPad to sign or check in and that’s it. Then of course an actual person calls you back to do the blood work, but yeah. Some fast food places you can order on a machine. Oh, and aren’t there those Amazon grocery stores or something that doesn’t have any registers, checkouts, or cashiers? What do you think is humankind’s greatest invention? There’s been far too many to think of what the greatest one of all would be. Do you think that humans are doing more harm than good to the planet? Definitely. What is your take on telepathy? I don’t believe in it. I think some people can communicate with people they’re really close to with a look or something, or know someone so well that they have a good idea what they might be thinking or feeling, but that’s all it is. What is your favorite workout routine? I don’t workout. Would you rather be called vain or insecure? I mean I am insecure, so.  What important lesson did a close relative teach you? It’s too late to get that deep.

What part of your body do you find attractive? None of it. Which would you choose to be: law-abiding citizen or rule breaker, and why? I consider myself to be more of a law-abiding citizen, but I’m not perfect. What is your ideal vacation? Somewhere with a beach. What superpowers did you wish you had when you were a kid? Teleportation.  Are you a mountain or a beach person? I enjoy both, but the beach is my absolute favorite. What mythical animal do you resonate with, and why? I don’t resonate with any of them. Which member of your family do you feel closest to, and why? My mom and younger brother. Who do you consider your best friend in your workplace? I don’t have a job. What three adjectives would describe you? Blah, blah, and blah. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you choose? Somewhere where it doesn’t have long, miserable summers like where I live now. What are you passionate about in life? :/ What quality in a person do you fall in love with? There’s a few things. Have you had your heart broken before? Yes. What is your take on astrology? I don’t believe in it. What is your life’s soundtrack? Uhhh. When was the last time you spoke with a classmate from high school? It’s been years. Well, apart from “liking” someone’s status on Facebook, maybe a comment now and then, but that’s the extent of it. Are you left- or right-handed, and would you want to switch? Right handed.  What subject were you good at in high school? English and Spanish. What was the most memorable experience you had in elementary school? Some of the teachers and friends I had, field trips, book buddies, field days (the last of school where we did various activities), square dancing in 4th grade (I don’t understand why that was a thing...) the Oregon Trail game... Do you find it difficult to admit that you are wrong, and why? I’m first to admit I’m wrong and always take blame for everything. Do you get excited or scared when meeting new people? I’m very shy and awkward.  What is your secret hobby that others would consider weird? Maybe listening to ASMR. *shrug* How do you cope with stressful situations? Not well. Is there anything that you would like to change about yourself? A lot of things. What musical instrument do you know how to play? None anymore. Who or what inspires you? I haven’t felt inspired in a long time. Which would you prefer in a romantic partner: a dreamer or an achiever? An achiever. What is your favorite part of a house, and why? My bedroom, it’s where I spend majority of my time. Who is the fictional character who closely resembles you in terms of attitude? Hmm. When you were a kid, what did you say you wanted to be when you grew up? A teacher. What was the title of the first movie you watched in a movie theater? I don’t recall what the first movie was, but the first one that always comes to mind is Stuart Little for some reason. And the Rugrats movie. I know those aren’t the first ever, though. When was the last time you slept outdoors? I never have unless you count napping a bit at the beach. What is something that you are proud of about yourself? I don’t feel proud of anything about myself right now. What song do you often sing in the shower? >> Whatever’s playing on my Spotify. <<< Same. I have a whole shower playlist, actually. What do you feel is the right age for people to get married? When they feel it’s right, I guess, as long as they’re both consenting adults. Personally; though, I think 18 is way too young even though they’re legal adults, but that’s just me. What would be your super villain name and your powers? I don’t know. What three non-electric or non-automatic items would you take on a deserted island? Water, a book, and my medicine. That would really, really suck not to have a phone, though... of course being on a deserted island at all would really, really suck, ha. If “hello” were to be replaced by another word as a greeting, what word would that be? ”Hey.” lol. What is the weirdest thing that your family does together? I don’t know? What was the most embarrassing thing that you’ve done for a friend? Nothing comes to mind at the moment. What task would you really fail at doing? A lot of things. What is your definition of a “perfect life”? No such thing in this life, but good health would be pretty great. What would be the title of the movie showing your life from birth up to present? Yikes. Ha, that could work as a title. What fashion piece would you invent for women? I have no idea. What is the single most important thing people should do for the planet? Not trash and destroy it. How do you define evil, and do you believe that a person can be evil? I believe serial killers, rapists, and abusers are pretty evil. What do you think are the two things that prevent people from realizing their dreams? I don’t know. Would you lay down your life for someone? Yes. What word or term do you wish to know the meaning of? >> I mean, if such a word existed, I’d just type it into google and bam! knowledge. <<< lol true. What makes you nostalgic? A lot of things. Do you believe that each of us has a soul mate? I don’t know. How would you live your remaining days if you found out you had only a week to live? Blah. Do you listen to other people’s advice, or do you prefer figuring things out yourself? Really depends. What is your favorite motivational quote? I don’t have one. Imagine that you are tasked to re-design society - what changes would you make? I absolutely would not want to be assigned that task. What’s the perfect day for you? A day at the beach. Would you wait for the sun to rise or for it to set, and why? Set. I can’t stay up late enough to see it rise anymore. If you were born in another era, when would that period in history be and why? I like that I grew up in the 90s. Have you made someone cry? Not intentionally or to be mean, but yes. What is the most astonishing act that a person can do for you? Uhh. What is more important: being true to yourself regardless of who gets hurt or considering the consequences of your actions on other people’s lives? >> I think one can consider the consequences of one’s actions on others without turning into some kind of self-less yes-man. Being true to oneself doesn’t at all mean “fuck everyone else”, and I really don’t know why those two concepts get conflated so much. <<< Well put. I agree. If you die tonight, would you pass away fulfilled or unsatisfied with life? I guess it wouldn’t matter. Thanks for ending with this, though.... 

[icewindandboringhorror]

hmmm’st....Another group of replies since I’m trying to keep up with my inbox better this year !! (I know #3 is missing, I accidentally mislabeled them and skipped straight to 4 and don’t feel like re-editing the photos lol ) 

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1. “What would you recommend doing with a 1x1 ft square of tapestry-eqsue fabric ?” (question typed out in a shortened way/some words left out)

Hmm, I’m not really sure!  I always have problems with tiny squares of fabrics since I often like.. am in love with the colors or texture or pattern or etc, but at the same time it’s too small to actually serve as a really substantial part of the outfit lol, so I usually just use them in small ways for accents? Squares are really good for making collars out of, since you can just cut a hole in the middle and put your head through it and it’s done lol, but you can also tuck them into shirt collars or belts so they hang out a little and just serve as a pop of color or something. If you don’t mind cutting it, you could also turn it into little strips or change the shape, make it into a small pocket/bag, wrap pieces around the arm or tie it around boots as decor, tie the cut up buts together to make it into a longer piece of fabric then use that as a belt or sash or headband, etc. Idk, I have trouble with small fabric bits as well, but maybe some of these ideas help!!

(other answers under read more so it doesn’t get long)

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(note: sorry to everyone who's questions I had to shorten when re-typing them here, I hope I abbreviated them okay and didn't leave out anything you saw as very important! The full message is still shown in the images above and I just wanted to save myself a little time on the typing aaa!) 

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2. “Sorry this is random,  but you seem like a very nice and thoughtful person. Hope you have a happy new year”

Thank you!! I always try to include one or two of these nice ones in here just to continue to show appreciation for people who send me kind things! Even if I don’t respond to all of them (since I feel really awkward just like.. publicly responding to a ton of compliments lol), still know that I really appreciate it! I hope you also have a great year, anon! 

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3. accidental mislabeling error means free space for cat image

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4. “will you do more videos? vlogs, tutorials, explaining your art, games, podcast, anything? sorry if it's weird to say, but I just really enjoy listening to you speak!” (question typed in a shortened way/not fully quoted) 

Possibly? I just can’t think of many things to make that would work well for me?

vlogs:  I don’t like to do vlogs anymore because of my mental illness and becoming more anxious about showing my face or daily life in public. Though I do enjoy aspects of the “lifestyle blogging” sort of content, like I think it would be cool to be able to make easy videos where all I do is sit down and talk about my hair or something for 20 minutes lol, or etc., but I guess as I get less comfortable with showing myself, I tend to stray away from stuff like that?

(this is also why I’ve been shifting more towards like... costumes, art, world-building, making games, etc. as opposed to outfits/personal style/personal life type content, since I feel much more comfortable being framed as more of a ‘detached and faceless creator that shows some personality but is still mostly obscured’ than ‘open personality that posts selfies and talks about their life extensively’ or etc. Obviously I still post personal stuff like questions and thoughts/opinions and cat images and etc., but less so.. like I don’t even remember the last time I posted an actual selfie where my face wasn’t obscured by costume makeup or something lol..) 

I would absolutely still do stuff like “room tour” or “what’s in my bag” videos, or like a single video showing my usual daily routine or something,,  if those were ever requested of me/interest was shown in them..  I’m okay with small one time “lifestyle” genre sort of content. But anything too invasive or long term (daily/frequent vlogging, or like “story time” videos) I think I would get uncomfortable with lol. 

tutorials: I’m not really sure what I would do tutorials on? If you want me to make a tutorial about something, feel free to let me know something in specific! My main problem is that I don’t feel like there’s anything unique that I do that there aren’t  already 100 other tutorials for, so I’m never sure what I should make those about. I get occasional asks with people saying “do a makeup tutorial” or “do a sculpting tutorial” or something, but they don’t ever say WHAT SPECIFIC makeup or what SPECIFIC thing they’d like to see me explain, so then I’m still left alone with vagueness and unsure what to do lol! 

art explanation: Same kind of goes for the “explaining your art” thing like, what art? Explaining what specifically about it? You mean worldbuilding? Or sculptures? etc.??  I’m actually always happy to make videos for anything people want to see (since I enjoy the process of making them, usually), but I just am never sure exactly what to do. But if I had specific prompts I would be glad to explain something though! Videos are fun, I just never know what to make them about lol

games: I would absolutely love to do let’s plays/game videos or something (I assume this is what you meant by just saying ”games”??)  since I enjoy games, and my whole thing about not being able to relax (I feel guilty about playing games (or any other leisure activity) unless it’s working towards something, I have to have a way to justify the activity being productive, which is why I rarely ever play games despite liking them a lot lol..but if I made videos or etc. it would feel slightly more worth the time/effort).. But seeing as I’m fairly lower income I really don’t have much money to buy games, and I don’t have a very good computer situation lol. I would need to have money to fix my current computer, and a few other things, etc. etc. 

 Idk, it’s something I think about occasionally and that would be extremely convenient  for me and my current situation (in terms of having something simultaneously low effort/relaxing/ suitable to my needs/mental illness/physical issues, but also that feels productive at the same time), but it’s also a very weird genre of stuff (idk if I’d feel comfortable being anywhere near the broader “games” community ghggb), and I would need a little money first lol.. 

podcast: I would never start my own podcast because I have no idea what I would even have a podcast about, and I also don’t have any friends who do that sort of thing (podcasts usually have multiple people, right??). I would do one with someone else or something like if a close friend asked me I guess, but idk... I couldn’t ever see that being something I start by myself?? Especially since I don’t know anything about them or what equipment or programs are required to edit together the audio, I’ve only listened to a few of them every once in a while, etc. am not really tech savvy in the field of like. how podcasts work ggh. So that’s probably the most unlikely one out of everything you listed, sorry!! 

As for other stuff, I’ve thought of answering questions in audio form instead (so rather than writing them out here, I’d just make a video (though not with visuals, since I don’t like filming myself talking..maybe I could put footage of cats over the audio though lol) of me going through my inbox and answering things, since I feel like typing takes me so much longer than speaking, and sometimes it’d be more convenient). 

I’ve also thought about just like.. talking about world-building stuff, like.. rather than writing out a post, I can just ramble about things or something,, but I’m afraid I’d get too disorganized, so it’d probably only be good for answering questions about specific things (which I don’t really get questions about worldbuilding stuff that I could have enough to sit down and answer in a video lol.. I think I’ve gotten two so far?? which I already answered in text posts).

So idk, maybe those could also be ways to hear more of me talking? If I used audio more often to answer things or discuss things (like answering asks that way) rather than typing.. which would save me time anyway lol.. But I just feel unsure about it since it seems.. weird.. like.. some people might just want a quick answer to their ask and not have to skip to a certain time stamp of a video and hear me talk about it for 5 minutes lol.. 

But anyway, yeah, feel free to offer specific suggestions or support towards anything mentioned if it’s really something you want to see! I really appreciate that you even watched the silly little vocabulary video and especially that you actually enjoy my rambling lol (I sometimes feel annoying when I speak), and I hope I can make something sometime!! I just have trouble deciding on what content I should be making or etc., but maybe I’ll try to find a few more things I can do where I’m actually talking! 

(also thanks for hoping I feel okay! I am a little bit better, but still sick lol)

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5. “Hope you feel better (emoji heart that I can't type on a computer)”

Thank you!! It’s been really stink to be sick the entire first month of the year lol, but hopefully I’ll be better like.. by mid February at least!!! With how goal focused I am, it’s been like... utterly evil to not be able to start the year off well and get all of my to-do list stuff done.. I’m finally at a point where I’m finishing a few things again (like this post, and a few of the worldbuilding things from a week ago or etc), but I still can’t stop myself being.... deeply annoyed, by my loss of time and how much I feel like I should have gotten done already aaaAAA.

Especially I REALLY WANT TO DO another costume soon!!!! I have some laid out in my closet that I hope to do, but I keep waiting until I’m feeling better, since I’m afraid of having some random sickness related health problem in the middle of getting dressed and then having to like.. show up to the doctor while I have elf ears on and half a horn on my head or something ghghggh... 

But anyway, I can’t do anything to change it now, so the best I can manage is just to kind of.. ignore my losses and move forward and try to be as productive as possible from now on! I really hope I can still get some of my main goals (like the game, costumes, music, worldbulding stuff) finished in reasonable time, even if I basically lost the entire month of January into a void lol. Sometimes you just lose an entire month of time... life is just Like That and you have to move on and make the most out of it I guess! 

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6. Would you ever like consider selling your outfits???? I have an extended non violent larping thing coming up and i really love your outfits!

I might actually! I mentioned it before I think like, months ago, but i have a LOT of clothes I really want to get rid of, it’s just that it’s SO daunting. I’ve sold clothes before and it took hours and hours of effort, and you have to constantly keep up with it and track sales, and on top of that I really underestimated shipping prices (especially making the mistake of shipping internationally on one of them I think), and I ended up making no profit and actually losing $70 just from paying people’s shipping that I didn’t charge them for (which for me and my financial situation is.. A LOT.. like.. I do NOT have that kind of spare money ghghh).

This time I want to be careful about it and also I’ll have to charge a lot more (which of course, I feel guilty about since I have Bigg Money Anxiety and wish everything was free for everyone all the time gghb), and also it’s hard for me to find the time and energy to take literally hundreds of photos of hundreds of items and then list them somewhere and etc. etc. etc. 

BUT to cut down on that workload I’ve thought about actually just grouping them into outfits or like, groups of clothing that all match each other or etc. and selling them all together (so that I don’t have to photograph and list every individual item), and additionally that way I can maybe just do one batch at a time like.. maybe sell two of them a week or something, instead of all at once. 

Maybe just buying a certain size of box/envelope thing and stuffing whatever I can into it and selling them all for a set price like $40 a piece or something. Which to me sounds extremely expensive I guess since I’m someone who would never have $40 to just spend on clothing lol, but I really kind of can’t go much lower than that if I want to allot for shipping and not make the same mistakes again as last time (and definitely not allow people to buy internationally unless they pay me like.. $50 extra or something, which would be ridiculous lol). 

But anyway, especially since I have a few things I could really use money for (paying my guardians back for recent medical copays, and for my cat’s vet visit a few months ago, and also I have to fix the battery on my computer or buy a new one, etc.), I’ve thought about trying to do that soon!  Maybe sometime in the next month I can start listing some themed clothing groups/outfits/etc. and sell them at a slower better pace for me (like one group a week or so). I’ll definitely post about it if I do!

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7. (this one will have to be shortened a lot since it's so long, but I'll try to just type the main parts I'm replying to)  “Are you making/would you consider making a story with your fantasy worlds? Like a book or a zine or youtube videos where you roleplay as the characters and make them talk to the viewer or each other? If you don't want to create plot, you could just do characters seeking to educate humans bout their cultures or something.  I used to scroll past your posts since I'm more visual when it comes to fantasy, before realizing how interesting they are and I feel like your ideas need more playing out and exposure. ALSO, how do you feel about collaborating with other people on creating art? Or just being art pals and sharing ideas/plans/etc.? I just read your FAQ about collaborations so I understand the terms and my offer to be art friends still stands!” 

-- About whether I’ll make more things with my world:  

Thanks so much for the very nice message!! Worldbuilding stuff is one of the most fun creative activities for me to do, so I always appreciate it when people discuss it with me and etc. (not that I don’t also appreciate compliments on sculptures and costumes and etc., those are great too! But I guess because world stuff is something I’m so much more personally invested in yet also never get to talk about lol, anytime anyone sends me anything related to characters or worlds or etc my brain is instantly like !!!!!!!!!!!!! O v O !!!!!!!!!!!  ghgh). 

I am actually making a game like I may have mentioned a few times, which though it’s more character focused and doesn’t really have a plot/broader story (it’s basically like a dating sim except without romance/dating, but it has similar mechanics in the sense that the main goal is to get to know characters in the world and do tasks for them and etc.), it will include a good bit of things that have do with my world, seeing as it like... takes place there. 

And since each of the characters have their own backgrounds and etc., they’ll of course speak about various world-related topics. Like for example, one of the shop-owners you can work for is an elf from outside of the elven alliance, and another shop the player can work at is owned by a set of twins who were formerly part of a royal family within the alliance, so those characters (when getting to know them and doing quests for them and etc) will of course have different perspectives on the world and talk about some of the stuff that’s been brought up in my worldbuilding posts, just obviously in a more personal/casual way, since it’s dialogue rather than me writing exposition infodump posts. 

Like for example, the fact that alliance elves and non-alliance elves often have very different takes on the main elven religion, meaning if it comes up in conversation, both shopkeepers would give different dialogue relating to it, etc. Which since every character has their own unique situation and heritage and etc. (the game is set on a popular market street in a large global city, so here it actually makes sense for a bunch of different species to all be in the same place and etc.), I think could maybe expose players to a lot of the central worldbuilding concepts, depending on which shopkeeper they go with. 

Obviously characters aren’t going to just be doing unnatural exposition dumps about the extensive background of the world or something lol, but even just naturally and playing through a character with neutral favor (meaning not unlocking any special positive/negative dialogue options/etc), you’d still be able to get at least a few tidbits about the world. (especially since some character’s conflicts stem from cultural/worldbuilding factors, so it’s not unnatural for them to bring it up if that’s like.. something that seriously impacts their life lol.). It probably wont expose people to Advanced Lore like the time gaps or obscure types of magic or etc (well.. depending on which shopkeepers you talk to hbhbb), but it could help with some of what you’re talking about.. In the sense of it being a more accessible visual medium that, while not the MAIN focus of the game, does end up covering some of the world background information through natural dialogue. 

(always feel free to send an ask or something if you have any questions about the game, I never talk about it but every time I start to my brain unlocks and I have to stop myself from like.. saying literally every single thing about it ghgbhj)

Other than that though, I’m not currently working on anything that actually involves my world. I totally get what you mean though, and I’ve often tried thinking of ways to make it more accessible and etc (shorter posts, more clear topics, more visual elements, etc.), but it can be hard for me to work within those constraints when it already takes so much time for me to put those things together. It’s like I have so much planned out in my head, I kind of just want to get it out there however I can, since if I spend too much time deliberating about it or etc. it will become an endless task lol..

Ghhbh I actually have an extensive background in acting out characters, I’ve pretty much walked around talking to myself in different voices and etc. for my whole life and am used to like acting multiple characters at once and improvisational storytelling things (this is still what I spend a lot of my time doing lol.. I just.. walk around my house having conversations out loud pretending to be random people.. Especially when doing chores, like washing dishes or etc. is more fun if you pretend you’re a group of travelers working in a weird little elven restaurant bickering with each other the whole time hgh), but idk if that would be something I would do for videos. I feel weird about being on camera personally, even if I were in costume. But it is a really good suggestion since that is something which would be much much easier to produce than like, doing a full animation or writing a book or something lol. 

I have thought of reading my worldbuilding posts aloud/ doing audio versions of them, so that people could just listen to them instead of reading them (there would be no visuals like.. just black screen or something with audio of me reading it), but the way I write is like.. hard to read back? I love to read out loud (one of my favorite activities to entertain myself is to actually find random text I’ve never seen before and see how well I can sightread it. Especially random medical articles with a lot of words I don’t know in them lol, it’s fun to just try to go through a new text fast in a convincing narrator voice or something, scrambling to mess up as little as possible), but I find that I have to modify my writing in order to read it that way (I’ve attempted to make a worldbuilding audio thing before, this is how I know this lol), so it’s almost like I’m writing a whole second version of the post, which makes it take longer?

I could modify my writing style (less having things in parentheses and etc., side sentences that occur in the middle of main sentences and break reading flow, etc.. Like this one lol), and have thought about writing in a way that would be easier for me to read back, but it’s just a whole thing I’d have to plan. I’ve definitely considered it though, and could pursue that idea further if people were interested or something! 

I’ve also thought of writing dialogue out between characters as a method of worldbuilding (not a story, but more like a script) since I think that’s a good natural way to convey things or give snapshots of moments in history or etc... but like.. That would just be more text so it wouldn’t really solve the problem lol. I could do audio reading them I guess, but since I’m more used to improv stuff, idk how I would do trying to read actual already written lines, even if I was the one who wrote them, it would definitely be something I’ve never done before lol!  

I also just think doing smaller things could help, and anything interactive. Like shorter posts, especially with more visuals in them, typically get seen more, and then stuff like me making a game or other condensed things.. I’ve thought of making like.. a character selection screen, not an actual game but kind of like a dress up game where you get to choose your background from the different species in my world and then dress them up a little or etc. but that would be a LOT more work than it seems probably lol.

A lot of social media is just a combination of luck/the right connections, quantity, and consistency especially. I’m sure if I could do a short post a day or a drawing of a character every other day or something and reblog them a lot, then more people would see the other things I do as well and etc., but it’s just... very difficult for me to operate that way since it’s so inherently antithetical to my personality and how I work lol (I tend to be more of a.. .. ‘stay isolated working on things and barely post anything for 3 months then post 10 things at once out of nowhere before going inactive again’ type of person ghbh.. which is like.. horrible from a Social Media Strategy standpoint). 

(Oh also, I still have no idea what a zine is even though I've seen them around and looked at a few and even looked up the definition of one to try to understand them hhghgg.. I’m still not exactly sure like.. what qualifies as one or how I would make a world-related one lol.. so this is why I didn’t really go into much detail on that specific suggestion of yours since.. I’m Uneducated Fool )  

But anyway, Idk if I could do acting videos, but I could do audio reading of posts or other things, and I am at least in the middle of working on a game which heavily involves elements of the world, so maybe that counts for what you’re talking about! 

Though personally it really doesn’t matter much to me if many people see my world stuff or etc., since really all the fun is just that I sincerely enjoy coming up with ideas and creating worlds and etc., even if I’m not doing anything major with it ( making a book series or comics or etc. I don’t feel like worldbuilding has to be working toward another project, and like that it can just be done for it’s own sake as a hobby), I still truly appreciate the sentiment and that you enjoy the world enough to give suggestions and etc. for stuff like that!! I’m going to keep at it however I can just because I love doing it so much, no matter if anyone really pays attention, but it is always unexpected and very meaningful when people like you engage with the content, so thank you for that! I’ll continue trying to make things and be productive and maybe use a few new ideas here and there just so it’s easier for people like you who tend to be more visual with things. I want to avoid leaving people out, and try to make a variety of things that can cater to more visual people as well or etc.! 

-

-- About possibly being art friends or working together: 

Well you said you read the collaboration FAQ, so I’m under the impression that I no longer need to answer that part of your question lol, thus I’ll just continue on with an answer assuming you know all of that information! 

I’m always up for it I guess! I’m not sure about collaborating since I know nothing about you, and also don’t know where you live (remember I mention that it’d be much easier to collaborate with people I live closer to so we don’t have to like.. skype or some other weird digital method of communication in order to talk about ideas. Just since that sort of thing can get so lengthy, especially if it’s an actual project being taken seriously, I’d rather speak to someone in person and be able to work on it alongside each other better). If I got to know you for a few months and thought I could trust you/know we have a similar vision/don’t clash creatively or personality wise,  AND we also lived close enough to meet at least occasionally, then yeah! project collaborations could work. If otherwise, then unfortunately it might not work in that regard. : U

(OH also if we’re a similar age?? I forget that people on the internet can be way younger than me.. I have nothing against younger people (very against the weird overly-simplified generational stereotyping ggh), but I would just feel kind of weird being an adult (early 20s) working with a minor who’s like 13 years old or something. I would be happy to talk about things from time to time and help with ideas or something, but actual like.. long term collaborative projects like writing a book together or creating and selling a game or something may be strange just due to us being at such totally different stages in our lives and etc. So, to collaborate on projects or even just communicate frequently about them or etc. I would also prefer we’re a similar age range (you’re somewhere from like 19 - 28 yrs old or close to that) ghhbh) 

As for just talking about art though, that could work fine probably! Since it would just be casual discussion and less serious than full on project collabs or etc., you wouldn’t need to live near me or etc. Though of course I would still need to know about you first (especially politics and stuff like.. I don’t want to get 50 long conversations in with someone only to find out they hate trans people or are a huge racist or etc. I always like to establish that ahead of time or at least have some idea of a person’s leanings.), and understand your personality a little.

 I am pretty socially anxious and due to health problems and stuff can sometimes be bad at replying ( I know some people expect instant responses, whereas I usually reply in a day or two ( depending on how long the message is)), but I also don’t currently have any friends to talk about world-building stuff with really or who care much about that sort of thing, so I’m always open to having conversations about stuff like that! 

Especially if it’s a low-pressure causal sort of thing in the sense of like “hey let’s just see if we get along well conversationally and if we don’t then no hard feelings”, etc. One of the main reasons I’m often afraid to talk to strangers is that if we end up NOT getting along and I decide that I want to stop talking or etc., I’m afraid they’ll get mad at me or lash out at me or something. I prefer it when the expectation is set ahead of time like “we can both walk away at any time and should feel free to openly communicate how we feel about this conversation at any time. if we wouldn’t make good art friends or have trouble communicating then that’s fine and we just respectfully stop talking”.  Which sounds like.. very common sense but.. I've talked to a few people in the past who struggled with communication and would be passive aggressively mean to you about it or something like that instead of just being open about them not feeling like talking anymore or etc., which is always a confusing situation to be in and I’d like to avoid it! 

Anyway though! I can’t promise anything since I don’t know you and am cautious about new people (I don’t want to be like “OH sure we’ll be best friends!!” before I even know you and set up false expectations), but I’m definitely at least open to talking,  especially about world-building stuff, if we’re compatible and respectful to each other and etc. And am also open to collaborations, under the right circumstances like what I’ve mentioned. Thank you  again for the very nice set of asks!!!! I hope you have a great day, anon~ 

--

And that’s all for the reply post. Thanks to everyone who sent in asks about stuff!!

[flickwatches]

OWL Season 2 Preseason Ranking

20. Toronto Defiant

I really wanted to put Washington here because I have no faith in that team.  But the Toronto has a main tank I’m unfamiliar with and Main Tanks were extremely important in OWL way before goats meta.  I see Neko and Envy and it really inspires me.  I see Bishop and I’m like wow.  But Bishop doesn’t really have a history of winning in Overwatch lately.  From London to Cloud9 he really hasn’t been producing W’s.  I like the roster a lot and maybe the meta shifts heavily in there favor but right now I don’t think Neko can fix a frontline issue.

19. Washington Justice

I do not like this roster.  The late addition (they were all late) of Gido and Ado really inspires me but if Ado wasn’t enough to get Shanghai 1 W than he won’t be enough in what mite possibly be a more difficult season. 28 games and more down time in between.  Well rested players, highly practiced, and prepared for there matches.  Janus is really strong in this lineup and so are the coaches.  I guess this roster would do pretty good in NA contenders. 

18. Chengdu Hunters

I don’t trust the roster or the process.  Highest level league play does something to teams with potential.  It chews them up and spits them out.  Maybe this is the good side of the Chinese scene that Shanghai never showed us in season 1.  I probably have them ranked too low but what the Dragons did in season 1 worries me. 

17.  Guangzhou Charge

Either this team will be surprisingly good or really bad.  It really depends on the coaching staff and how well they are supported by the org. A lot of there season depends on Rio and how well he works with the different players on the roster. They mite catch themselves halfway thru the season and start playing well. 

16. Florida Mayhem

I like the roster a lot.  I know BQB was accused of boosting but he’s extremely talented.  xepheR is really good. Solid DPS, decent tanks, good supports (hopefully way better than last year).  Coaching staff and org staff still seems really small.  They could surprise people depending on the meta.

15. Boston Uprising

Huk, Could be worst team in the league.  Three main tanks.  Poorly coached and managed.  Extremely talented players. 

14.Shanghai Dragons

I don’t want to rank them this low but I’m floating 3-4 teams around this spot.  They haven’t won a game in OWL yet.  Hopefully they have a nice schedule of lower level teams and they can produce some quality wins.  Org seems ready to commit this season so I expect huge problems will be scorched away quickly. 

13. Seoul Dynasty

Fissure is cool I guess.  They have a balanced roster, experienced team, and a schedule system that will highly benefit them.  Older players mite not listen to new in game leadership this far into there careers. I’m not very confident in there synergy and I wanted to rank them a few spots back.  They do have piles and piles of talent tho.  

12. San Francisco Shock

If we remove all the DPS players from the roster and look closely will see some problems.  Mid tier off tanks and mid tier main tanks.  New season same problem.  One of there main tanks need to play at a higher level.  Off tank can exist well enough if there main tank plays well enough.  Support trio could be strong depending on the meta. 

11. Houston Outlaws

I have my personal disagreements with how they play.  I’m a fan of them and they upset me from time to time.  In a goats meta having someone like Spree who can slide into that 2nd DPS spot and play Zarya is amazing.  They won’t use Spree like that.  Houston is going to fuddle thru the season and end up worse than 11th.  Could easily reach top 8 if they make good decisions before matches even start. They prepare pretty poorly and depend to heavily on classic 2/2/2 roster lineups to play the game.  Polar opposite of what the Eastern OW scene has been doing lately. 

10. Atlanta Reign

May have similar issues with Houston.  Roster has built in solutions to potential problems but the team mite not use them.  I’m very big on the roster even without Dafran.  Front line has synergy.  Backup Academy front line also has great synergy.  Supports are questionable but Academy support duo is extremely experienced and reliable.  DPS is very solid for a trio.  Has 1 map sub potential which can be very powerful in OWL.  Team is built to work no matter what.  Mite not be lead in right direction to succeed.  

9.  Los Angeles Valiant

There mistakes finally show up in there results.  Remember when “development” was a big part of there OW decision making???  Suddenly you have an APEX coach and his players are at the top of the roster. This team goes as far as Kariv can take them while covering every hole on the roster. Honestly if this team finishes top 4 with Kariv starting at DPS he’ll deserve OWL MVP.  \

8. Dallas Fuel

I’m very high on them and very low on them at the same time.  Added players, added coaching staff, re commitment to the team on a whole. Schedule change will be huge for them.  New season same problem.  What happens when a projectile meta happens???  They’ll be able to play it but main players who aren’t as good as the bench players will have to play or bench players will have to step into major roles.  Could cause problems with how well they’ll play this season.  Dallas and Seoul need to remember how to win to be successful again. 

7. Vancouver Titans

They will have problems.  May it be there org or just how there playing.  They will struggle.  But this team has too much experience and inner support to just fall apart.  Where the org or players fail the fans and team will pick up.   They won’t get this far and go down without a fight. The talent difference will start to show throughout the season but they will overcome it as a team. 

6. Los Angeles Gladiators

I got a little down on them but than I remembered how well they play.  The support trio will play well no matter what. Surefour will show up.  Decay and R0ar will show up.  Void should be better this season if they don’t want to play Bischu.  Will win games like they’ve been here before. 

5. Philadelphia Fusion

I got a little down on them.  I love what Elk will bring to the team but he’s just a Lucio.  Poko is the only off tank.  When will Eqo run out of talent?  Will they even play Fragi during goats meta?  But they are a force of nature.  Carpe won’t give up.  Much like the Gladiators they’ve been here before and it will show. 

4. Hangzhou Spark

 I am extremely high on this team.  And also a huge X6 Gaming fan.  Krystal and Godsb (a widow god).  Ria and Nosmite AND Guxue if they want to mix up the main tank role.  I love this roster and its potential.  Mite step into the league like NYXL. 

3. Paris Eternal 

Maybe I forgot to rank them a few spots ago and just put them here (maybe).  I was very high on France in the OWWC and was a little disappointed.  The roster and staff is fucking stacked to the roof.  From Kruise on Support leading the team, Main tanks Benbest and Lhcloudy, and to the stacked DPS lineup of Soon and Shadowburn.  If OWL ever goes into a Dive meta they will near the top. 

2. New York Excelsior 

Hmmm.  

Hmm.

Could be #1.  They have the roster to go 28-0.  But its 28 games will bigger breaks between games this season.  I like to think that benefits the next team the most. 

1. London Spitfire

Back to back champions?  Barely any change to the roster and that’s ok.  The biggest offseason addition was the change to the regular season format.  Strong new teams should challenge London but I knew a few will bow before the world champions.  Look out for a repeat.  

Conclusion

I wrote this far too fast and without enough research (LOL I guess).  I’ve watched a lot of Hangzhou Spark players already on X6 Gaming.  We already know how good some of these teams already are.  This is mostly speculation.  And meta shifts could turn this list upside down at any moment.