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glitterghost · 2 years

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Being ace can be pretty isolating at various times, for varying reasons that I don't feel like I have to explain because if you are ace, you probably get it.

#asexual #ace #pride #vague post but you know..*gestures to nothing*#i dont think i even need to expand on this #aromantic #could be thrown into this as well #things are just sometimes frustrating when people dont get it #if you read tags cook bc here we go a bit #there is always this talk of being left behind or being forgotten about or whatever #and yeah its true and when things happening almost in succession that makes it even more aware and apparent that yeah you kinda do get left #behind a bit*#so many ppl want marriage and or kids and its like #what about the people that want to hold on to things as they currently are?#to friends and books and cats and fictional feelings #and the way some ppl you know talk about how people gradual drift apart?#like thats a full on decision #thats not always a mutual thing #people leave at times and another person that might not be ready to end that connection with a person has to navigate their way through it #on their own #but like society is so weird to people that dont want the predictable life path #as you get older questions become are you married #do you have kids like its expected #where are the questions like whats the latest book youve read #whats your current favorite fandom #what makes you happy or brings you joy or whats a good thing about today?#not sure where im cycling down into with this bc theres too much to touch on #but not everyone wants sex or kids or marriage or crippling responsibilities of adulthood #sometimes we just want a hobbit hole to disappear into #a friend to text or pizza to eat or something funny to laugh at

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luvsavos · 3 months

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i am once again apologizing for my lack of activity/responsiveness

my childhood cat passed away a few days ago which has just been more stuff on top of everything else for me to deal with to stress me out and upset me

i'll try to get back to stuff. Eventually. as soon as i can</3

#mar.txt #still very much upset about losing him，but it's kind of faded for numbness now #still not holding up great though especially considering how sudden it was #he was all fine and healthy and then just suddenly started to rapidly go downhill and within like. two days he was gone #he was so weak. couldn't move almost at all，his meows were barely just meow-sounding exhales. the last two things he did were #getting my attention so i would come to him，then attempted to crawl onto my lap and despite me being less than a foot away he couldn't make #it. so i brought him onto my bed on my lap with me. and then at some point later after another sudden onset of diarrhea (which seemed to #take absolutely all of his remaining strength) and i'd brought him back to my bed after cleaning the poop off of him he got my attention to #move his head so he could look up at me. and that's how he passed. looking up at me.#despite everything，he was purring. so weak and faint i could hardly feel it，but. he was purring，maybe until the moment he finally passed.#he was obviously suffering. and we couldn't afford to get someone to put him down so we just did what we could for him.#i'm glad that，at least，he was happy in his final moments. he wanted to be with me and i'm glad i could give him that. i HAD needed to go out #that day but i opted to stay home because i was worried he'd pass while i was gone. sure enough if i had gone out he would have.#i'm glad i could give him the comfort and company he wanted in his final moments. i'm glad i made him happy enough in them to purr even #despite how weak he was. i'm glad he didn't pass alone and possibly in pain.#ive lost a lot of pets in my life. but amos? he's only like. three years younger than me? we practically grew up together. ive known him his #entire life. no amount of being told it hurts to lose a childhood pet will ever compare to the reality of it happening.#i buried him outside my window. so he's close to home.#vent post? i guess?

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alagaisia · 1 year

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I love when I read a book *after* seeing an adaptation and it gives me a new appreciation for the adaptation. Season one of The Expanse follows the plot and major scenes of Leviathan Wakes remarkably closely, and the characters are exactly the same. I’m replaying scenes from the show in my mind. Conversations that weren’t in the show still read in the actors’ voices. I swear I recognized some dialogue. And the changes I did notice (such as where Miller finds Julie Mao in the end, and how the dead man’s switch comes in) made complete sense in smoothing over the transition from page to screen. Fuck Amazon and all that, but the writers and showrunnners of that show should be lauded for their attention and dedication to the source material.

I’m interested to see how that holds up in the rest of the series. I know that the actor playing Alex Kamal left the show for reasons unrelated to the character’s original arc, and I think I know that the books go on longer than the show, so I have a feeling eventually the two will split, but I’m hoping to meet a few more favorite characters before that happens :)

(other books I've read this year)

#mine #personal #the expanse #leviathan wakes #my book log #<<<I said in another post I would make a point of talking about books I read on here #needed a tag for that. might change if I think of something better lol #I put holds on the next two in the series at the library #it’s probably too much to hope that the next one is on hand at my branch and will be ready for pickup Saturday morning before work #but I’m crossing my fingers for it #I’m gonna be honest I understand less of the belter dialect than I was hoping for #in the show it had a lot of what probably was French creole?#and I took French for a long time so I could sometimes recognize sort of the root of enough words to pick it out #which was very fun for me #but there’s more going on in the book. more languages mixed in and also idioms and stuff #and also less of it spoken that we see so fewer chances for me to happen to decide something #and I’m not actually very good at languages lol so it’s not like I’m going to pick it up #but it’s fun to pretend #2023 reading list

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skenpiel · 10 months

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SOME STUPID TROLLSONA DOODLES !?!?!??!?!??!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!? except most of them are @eebie trollsona.................. well wghatever -_- hi eebie

#wanted 2 get these out of my head bc im leaving home tomorrow and i might not be back for weeks #so then i wont b able to draw ANYTHING #doodle #zairku edjera #hiemsi nugaen #hehehe. thats eebies awesome trollsona ^__^#also hi i know u already had a lusus but there were a lot of other ones too and i wanted to pay attention 2 them #also HOLD UP FORGOT A DRAWING !!!!!!!!!!!!!! post cancelled im going back 2 drawing ill be back in Too long probably #ok i fixed it ^_^ hehehe #oknow i need 2 go and pack a bunch of stuff ummm bye evaryone.......#there was also ANOTHER drawing i wanted to make. but i dont have time #also i KNOW none of these are full drawings STILL but like. im getting there ok

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vulpinesaint · 5 months

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it's me and all the women in literature described in despondent unhappiness in a marriage that they don't hate but don't enjoy as they should and who feel as if they're not the way a woman should be and who yearn to be free of their husband and children not because they despise them but because they're not for a husband and children and who can't say that they're miserable but who feel a numb kind of despair in all that disconnectedness and disconnectedness and disconnectedness. they are just like me for real

#we have the same kind of depression 👍 but also. i can see so clearly that that's the way i would be if i still thought i was a girl.#and i had grown up to get married to someone and tried to be a woman and a mother like that. god...#edna pontellier hold on. i'm going out into the sea with you. we'll drown together.#laura brown from the hours on my kin list 👍#need to reread the hours so bad. opened up my copy of it to check if laura had killed herself at the end or not for this post #and just skimming the last few chapters made me tear up. god. but there are still the hours aren't there? one and then another...#and then you get through that one and then my god there's another...#um. books that make you go 'okay so maybe i have wanted to kill myself a little bit all these years. but maybe i'm going to be okay'#the book ever honestly it is Everything to me #and kate chopin's the awakening is good as well. much to be said about the depiction of people of color in that novel #but the depiction of edna pontellier's mental state is so. ough.#glances at the ratings on goodreads nd stuff have made me so irritated.#god forbid a woman commit the ultimate selfish sin of leaving her children behind because she's so miserable by killing herself.#because far worse than the thought that she could be losing all her personhood moment by moment #and wasting her life away feeling like a shell of a person #pales. in comparison to the thought that she could POSSIBLY abandon the children she didn't really want to have.#of course it's a bad situation for the kids. sorry to raoul and etienne. but they will survive.#condemning the main character for having the audacity to go off and die... sickening. i hate people #valentine notes

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khaotunq · 3 months

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have fully failed at tumblr of late and this week looks no less hellish for my general existence but hello ebdy i love u all and hope things are swell ❤

#dani i will at some point queue just like all ur gifsets and become u for a few days asdfkjs thank u #shash podficced another one of my boston fics and i'm ;w; about it but they don't have a post to rb yet #i will make one when i'm not on mobile if they don't <3 #sarah's still posting the eclipse translation and it's delightful and everyone needs to go read it #i think i've been tagged in stuff but failed to keep up #thank u all for being nice about my gifsets i feel like a fraud because i've just been scheduling them from drafts #and haven't actually made anything new in weeeeeks #i have been writing but i'm basically trashing eerything so #i fucked my knee off a hold at climbing the other day and i've managed to slice open the back of my thigh on a chair #so everything's going spectacularly over here #anyway i bought two new japanese novels and they're calling me so i'm off to pretend i don't exist for a bit #i love everyone in this bar forever #so it is decreed

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dandyshucks-moving · 5 months

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there's this one photo I've seen floating around a few times with the words "I wish we could've met as kids, you would've loved the softer me" and I think about it every now and then

so ... art ʅ(๑ ᷄ω ᷅ )ʃ

#''what if they met as kids'' AU basically djdkskl #also i discovered this rly fun music album and was listening to it while working on this fjdksl its called Portrait by The 5th Element !!#theres this one rly weird song on it fjdkdl I assume theyre american bc its like uhh. that one american thing. declaration of independence?#idk fjfkdl i think thats what that is. no idea though im not american SHSJSKL #ANYWAYS GOOD ALBUM besides that one part of the medley song but even that is kind of a fun melody to it #BUT YEAH. meeting as kids. i want to explore the concept a little more fhfkdl #i think it'd be sweet to explore them being friends and going on adventures and OH GOD im just turning Guz into an OC now arent i... OOPS #OH WELL. INTO THE REALM OF OOC WE GOOOOO BRAVELY MARCHING INTO THE FOG DJDKDL #HE'S NOT AN OC HE'S STILL THE SAME CHARACTERRR IM JUST SQUISHING HIM AROUND LIKE SILLY PUTTY AND SEEING WHAT HAPPENS #THE ONLY ISSUE WITH THIS. is that i would need to remember what i was like as a kid. but i do not hold those memories fjfkdl #those are held by another part of the brain. ACK!! good thing i have imagination and can make shit up based on childhood report cards LMAO #dandyshucks #junebug 🪲#dandy doodlebugs #💜so good at being in trouble #MAYBE KIND OF A WEIRD POST FOR A SELFSHIP BLOG. idk if anyone else has done this. BUT ITS MY BLOG I GUESS #boldly going into the unknown... excelsior!!! onwards and upwards!! new AUs and ideas to explore!! lots of fun to be had!!#💜a boy and his bug🪲

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munamania · 10 months

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this post had to turn off reblogs and stuff bc of all the people calling this biphobic. we’re literally in the worst timeline

#let’s talk thru that thought shall we. when we’re speaking of a phobia in terms of oppression that means one group must hold power #over another in ways that are reinforced by institutions. correct? so the way bi ppl experience oppression Is through homosexuality #but let’s ignore that. truly. let’s not even go there #if we’re speaking of biphobia as the phenomenon of not believing or manipulating someone’s identity to fit some gross opinion you have of #them and bigoted ideas ppl have. if we’re speaking of invalidation #WHERE does it say bi women. and also. how much power does a post like this for real have over your life and emotions #are we seriously not allowed to make fun of lame ass boyfriends. you all suck #ppl got fucking weird in the notes too like i hope you can physically feel these two fucking each other relentlessly #girl go outside. over two not real specified people in a tumblr post. good lord…#abby talks #i complain abt this bc i feel like we need to be serious. look at the shit going on in the world and tell me why we need genuine infighting #we don’t have time for that. peoples lives are at risk. jesus christ.

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scrawnytreedemon · 9 months

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I am over an hour into writing the Shad bingo/Shant ask god help me I am trying so hard to Word Things™

#scrawny rambles #aaAAAAAAAAAAAA #i did take a break btw. back on the grind.#the tp faron woods ambience has been holding my hand faithfully through this #but i think i might need to switch her out for another #i am trying SO HARD to word and have everything make sense #but i fear i'll be going t o o dry as opposed to the borderline deranged rambling of my original post?#AH the CHALLENGES #well well i've been looking for a test here i am

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scionshtola · 1 year

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i am holding back like a hundred thoughts about mir at all times

#too lazy to find the meme of the guy holding his breath or whatever but that’s me just trying to get through my day #i have a lot of thoughts and imSO WORDY ABOUT THEM.#i’m still thinking about the veyer thing from earlier lmao #i think i’m moving away from mir doing it to be mean bc i think if she was gonna be mean she wouldn’t do it via veyer #she would just say it to aeran. like as interesting as i think the other option is i just don’t know if she would think that 🤔#anyway you know when i first did the veyer make out to aeran reconciliation i was just having fun #now i can write a five page essay starting in mir’s childhood about why it fits her #this is like when i did the me2 jacob romance with mercy just for the Drama and in coming up with reasons why mercy would do that #i loved it so much more than a faithful playthrough ahsdhdjdk #PLAYED MYSELF #AGAIN #also these tags do you see what i mean. once i start i just fucking. go #i need a text post tag #and maybe another hobby or something

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gatun-gatunesco · 8 months

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Fleabag

"People make mistakes... that is why they put a rubbers in the end of pencils"

#personal post #So i kind of forced myself to finish Fleabag season 1. Since the beginning i knew was not something i would see for pleasure #of course was very difficult as 1) i have become sex repulsed once again and 2) she is really fucked up. She needs a terapist #it was a recomendation from them and i knew i just see them in the character facing similar problems and similar way of thinking #the last episode hurts a lot and hurts me more after what happened between us. the decisions they made. the way it ended again #i know they wanted to talk about this. i shame myself once again as i was so late to do so. But yet again. i was right about my fears #about how i saw them reflected in her. how they were taking a similar bad road in life. how they mental illness was going to mess up all #after what happened with him. how they did not said anything. how they just give it all to please him and make a nice memory for him #after how they let him just go full gallop and basically let him use them in the most vulnerable moment so far...#i can only wish they learn. that they realize. that they finally could apply something from the life of another person. even if is fiction #after finishing this season. i can understand and let the anger that i had in me vanished just as fast as it came #but the sadness will remain. the event will remain. the need for me to stay away will remain. i can not help them anymore #it will only hurt me not being able to help. to feel powerless meanwhile i just see them going a downfall. mistake after mistake #i could not bear to see the person i cared the most being that fucked up and not try to help. but i already did that mistake. it finished u #my role as a caregiver is still so mixed within myself. as since my mistakes i would not force nor try anything without them doing it first #so. for them that are indecisive yet impulsive. that are people pleaser even when it hurt them deeply. naive with a gold heart #that want to be friends with all as they feel so lonely. Prisoners of they body and themselfs...#going that softly versus everyone else who is more assertive (even them in a impulsive moment) was not going to work just with words #but i can not do it in another way. i am more sensitive and delicate than one could guess just by looking at me. is not in my nature #forceful? nope. without caution? no. fast? no. i can not hold anger. i can not be unforgiving. Even when i always remember #i can still do damage. just not in a convetional way and is mostly involuntary. i am far from perfect but i am also far from terrible #i am a person who also had done mistakes. But being honest. excepting one i never did something so bad i could not forgive myself eventuall #and i say all this because even with all the pain that is forcing myself to stay away. i just hope they could find a healthy road again...#without the need to make more mistakes or do such things that they may not be able to fix or came back at all...#for them to not regret still being alive. to be happy in a good way without destroying themselfs #i just hope i can be able to see that one day. even if is just from far away and as a total stranger #because i like thing no one else would see and enjoy they beauty in they own unique way #vent post #vent tag #tw vent

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icewindandboringhorror · 1 year

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Daily Log 2

Trying out (probably just temporarily) making short daily-ish notes about things, in an attempt to see if it helps me be more reflective or productive lol.

Activities: Much less than yesterday, felt sick and sleepy so barely got anything done. It was also warmer inside today.. Very much dreading summer. I still feel like the people who ~~ love warm weather sooo much~~ must also have central heating and air and are able to escape the warmth, or at least have cool airy houses where they can get cross breezes or something.. I just fail to see how ANYONE could enjoy sweating all day because it's like 75F indoors, etc. grrbb,,, the headaches, sleepless sweaty nights, constant physical discomfort, etc. The next few days look cloudy and rainy though so.. yEs.. haha HA

Got a new charger for my old 2004 nokia phone so it actually turns on now, and recorded myself going through the ringtones and games. I might add the footage to a currently not fully edited video of me also looking through other electronics (old phones, turbo twist math, etc.). I love old ringtones actually and if I were rich, I would love to collect old phones specifically just to have a catalogue of what they're like and all of the sounds they contain.

Managed to have a tiny burst of energy and take photos of 3 outfits before my arms and shoulder started hurting and I got too warm.

Sent email to one doctor.

Translated like 3 words for the Avirrekava poem thing I mentioned yesterday. My language document is not organized very well at all so I've kind of lost my flow of working on it. I've heard about people making searchable dictionary type things for their conlangs, so I'd like to look more into that maybe. As well as making a custom font, though I don't know if that's more difficult for syllabaries (so wouldn't be directly linkable to a plain english alphabet keyboard?? eh?). Anyway, I need to finish the tapestry/painting thing/etc. soon though since I have no good place to put it. The canvas is warping a little just laying haphazardly on my closet floor lol.

Made one quick mspaint background image for the next batch of song snippet things for my jokey music youtube.

Edited like 10 minutes of the Giant Worldbuilding Slideshow Project.. couldn't focus on that either since being at the computer today irritated my shoulders and arms.

Notable sights: Saw 6 baby ducks and their parents swimming in a nearby pond!! It's interesting how their colors seem to change so much, and the young ones have the little spots on their back. Not much else, I was not very active lol..

Goals moving forward: Still working on consistent sleep schedule. Focus on social activities, finding new friends in the places I want to move, communicating with ones I have. Physical therapy exercises. Plant nasturtiums. Finish and upload videos, edit pictures, post the poll adventure thing that has been sitting in a draft for weeks (I thought I would get it done today, but alas.. I don't even have to do much, just proofread and post it, I just keep having no energy/being preoccupied with other things/hurts to be on computer.. grrr.. I want to continue the story lol >:T).

Notable foods: HAD ASPARAGUS YEaaaaaghhhHHHH!!!!!!!!! Asparagus SQUAD!!!!!!!!!! ... Also a few pieces of smoked gouda with lunch, one of my favorite cheeses.