#holy crap round 3 was impossible

[grigori77]

Critical Role, Campaign 3 Episode 90

Nord VPN again ... so what this -- ah, I see ... Sam, you chaos gremlin ... yes, that's right, Samuel, you can't mess with these people ... Marisha: "I don't trust you, you piece of shit." Nor should you ...

Laura pronouncing EU as "ew" and Liam not quite getting it ... XD

Oh, so does this mean they really ARE splitting up for this part? Oof ... you know you're not supposed to DO THAT ...

Roll for which group goes first? Hmmm ... the bombers first, then ... okay ...

Ira you creepy fucker I swear I don't trust you as far as I can throw you ...

So ... it's a familiar familiarity then, Matthew?

Ashley sleight of hand Nat20? Awww ... and apparently she may just have given that old beggar a small fortune round here ...

The objective of the plan ... hmmm ... meanwhile it seems FCG may be grating on Ira's nerve some ...

Barking? Really? Probably not good ...

Perception check time ... hmmmm ... fancy insect skull ... viculch? Okay ... these things are MASSIVE ...

Oh crap ... Gloamglut? The fay dragon? Not a good sign ... Fearne's dad's close, clearly ...

Over to the other group? Okay ...

Sprawlgrotto? That is impossibly difficult to say, clearly ...

What to roll? Crap ...

Invisible shenanigans ... yup ...

Wow ... Marisha rolled SO SHIT for having advantage ... thank the gods for those Nat20s ...

Lots of myceit ... harvesting fungi? That's not, like, weirdly existentially odd for them?

Seriously, was Matt reading too much Dungeon Meshi when he came up with this stretch of the campaign?

Scry ball is pretty close now ... but still not EXACTLY where they're going ... O.O

Music? Interesting ... whoa! Street busking! Cool! A didgeridoo? Awesome ...

No way to know if they're under any casual observation ...

Awwwwww ... the twinsies continue to be so cute together ... :3

Con save for Chetney's flatulence ...

Okay, so ... are they close to their destination or what?

That is one HEAVILY GUARDED entrance ... any other ways in?

Awwww ... flirty witch girlfriend shenanigans ... I love them ... :3

Wow ... Matt's sexy pre campaign days on a t-shirt ... well done, Sam ... LOL

Already halfway though their invisibility? Not good ...

Whoa ... are they in the mad god's brain? Is this like Knowhere? Laura, your brain worries me sometimes ...

Ashley, what are you doing with that hood? :3

"Passing miners"? Congrats on dodging the Galaxy Quest ref there guys ...

So they're on high alert, then ... hmmmm ...

Uh-oh ... incoming ... and they're zeroing in on Ira ... great ...

"A dark armoured figure"? Crap ... shit! Zathuda? Balls ...

Weird ass Predator looking Hulk mofo ...

Sunder Lord? Interesting ... wait, so this might be the Sunder KING? Okay ... so this is Cruth, then ... the Reiloran big bad himself ...

Bollocks ... have then been sniffed out?

Everybody knows you don't give dogs chocolate! Even freaky alien ones!

Speak With Animals? Hmmmm ...

Oh for the love of the gods Sam, not again ... ewww ... and it's WET?!!! Come on Riegel!

Fearne is clearly DETERMINED for this thing to just be a GOOD BOY isn't she? I really DON'T think this is gonna work, Fearne!

I don't think that griffon meat's gonna work out, Ashton. It's WAY too old ...

Speak With Animals AND Command on the thing? Good luck with that, Letters ... or Fast Friends? Hmmm ... wow ... hope this is a good choice ... yeah, he Commands it to "GIT!!!!" And it works? Blimey ...

Wow, that was bloody close ... phew ...

HOLY FUCK did Ira just pull a Jedi mind trick on that guy? O.O

Flip flop, back and forth ... here we go ...

Cupped? Hmmm ... is that an "underboob" joke, perchance?

Yeah, I mean ... SURELY the rope itself would be invisible too since it was covered by the same spell ...

Spiderclimb PLUS Invisibility ... okay, here we go, then ...

Not NOTHER shite roll? Two 2s? Balls ... Marisha, WHY?!!!

Wow ... this has gone all kinds of Abbott & Costello ... oh thank the gods FINALLY a good roll ...

This plan keeps getting more and more convoluted and I love it ... LOL ...the stink of desperation is STRONG now ...

"Matt: "You're Batman-ing this! Like Adam West!" XD

I cannot believe that actually worked ... or did it? O.O

Oh yeah, OF COURSE they got spotted. That WAS a massive fuckup ...

Phew ... that was like SCARY close ... and NOW he checks for traps? Oof ... at least they're in ... so what now?

Aha! So Chetney could follow her scent? Cool ... oh WHAT?!!! A Cytaa? Is that HER Cytaa? Okay then ... Gona? Cute ... So yeah, this could work, then ...

Awww ... yeah, let her hide in Laudna's birdhous backpack! Yeah! Oh yeah ... yeah, better on their shoulders, rather than in there with Pate ... O.O

Time running out for Orym's Invisibility ... great ...

Back to the bombers, again ...

A new wall ... a "BLAST WALL?" Oh, that can't be good ...

Oh, so this is going to be a PROBLEM for them going forward?

Passwall? With the Staff? Would that actually WORK?

This shit is FIFTEEN FEET THICK?!!! Bloody hell ...

Oh, an Illusory spell? Yeah, that's best ... nice one, Ira. And now he's making will-o-the-wisp lights too ... FCG: "I don't know why I bother."

Some kind of seriously ugly drilling machine ... that thing is just NASTY ... 3 Reilorans and a Hulk? Hmmmm ... potentially risky ... is this gonna be a problem?

Oh, so THIS is gonna be the bombsite? Hmmmm ... good point, though ... they definitely need to deal with these guys too ... ah, so we're DEFINITELY doing this then ...

SIX big bombs ... of course ... why am I not surprised?

Time to fight, then ... AND THAT'S when we take a break? Of course it is ...

And we're back ... with the OTHERS again ... yeah, not really surprised ...

Chetney wolfs out in the dumbest possible way and I love it ... XD ... and somebody's coming ... great timing ...

"Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinstoooonnnn ..." Yup ... way to creep Matt out, Travis ... XD

Now Matt's doing secret sneaky DM stuff ... O.O ... oh dear ...

Balls ... GUARDS ... and they're like TOTALLY blocking the way ... how to get through? Wait ... Chetney's going to use his TOYS to do this? How?

Wow ... the Master Toymaker did BEAUTIFULLY there ... way to go, Chet! And now they're through ... sweet!

Grim Psychometry ... ON THE CRYSTAL?!!! Really, Chet? This sounds like SUCH bad idea ...

Aha, so they're like ... Reiloran SCIENTISTS, then? Hmmm ...

Ah, so THIS is the Bay? OKay then ...

Organs? BABY organs? Eep ... O.O ... in general this is all REALLY CREEPY ...

Oh dear gods what the fuck is THAT THING?

Hunter's Bane? Yeah, do it, Chet ... no hits ... phew ...

A fucking JUDICATOR is being autopsied? Holy fuck ...

Ah ... so that's who they're looking for ... and she's IN THE VAT!!! Great ... still alive, but ... yeah, this is clearly pretty bad ...

And we're back in the dig ... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!

CHARM!!! Yup ... and it WORKS!!! OKay ... oh, not on IRA though ... jump in front of him? Fearne, honey ... wow, I can't believe that worked ...

Okay, thats ONE down without a fight ...

Wow ... Ashton is, like, REALLY bad at Deception ... O.O

Wow ... Ira just set the timer while THIS SHIT'S going on ... oh fuck ... this is all going south SO FAST ...

Three minutes = one minute of game play ... oh boy ... rush it, guys!

Oh, so Ira is going to ABANDON ASHTON? Wow .., oh, no, THAT'S more like it ... the Juggernaut is now a SNAIL ... nice ...

And now they're running ... and having a jolly little convo while they're at it ...

BOOM ...

Dimension Door to the surface just as the bombs go off? Phew ... and now eveything is just CHAOS ... Fearne is FALLING!!! Shit! Oh, NICE SAVE, Ira! And now they're just BOOKING IT!!!

Fuck, this is gone all kinds of fucked ... wait, he wants to UNROLL THE HOLE, put Letters in it, roll it up again with him in it, and then RUN AWAY with it? That is one hell of a Hail Mary ... roll for Dexterity, then ... so that just HALVES THE DAMAGE ... oof ... and now he has to do a STRENGTH CHECK to see if he can HOLD ONTO THE HOLE?!!! Oh my fucking gods ... if this tanks they lose the Hole forever ... 16? Wow ...

That's a lot of dice for damage ... that is NEVER a good sign ... even half of THIS is gonna hurt ... and now he's SMILING ... 158 points of Force Damage? Holy shit ... even halved, that's stil 79 points each ... ouch ...

But at least they still have the Hole ...

And now 25 points of BLUDGEONING damage each ... oh boy ... is it over, at leaat?

Oh bollocks ... that FUCKING DRAGON again ...

Oh for fuck's sake ... flip flop AGAIN?

And the blast shakes the whole place EVEN HERE ... more chaos ... and the vat is CRACKED! Okay ... Orym goes for it, meanwhile Chetney just shouts out for an evacuation ... so that leaves just the Mystic AND the Shrike ... hmmm ...

Battlemap? Aha ... cue Wizzkids plug ...

Unsettling Presence? Cool ...

Invisibility definitely really helps with Stealth checks ...

Getting ready for a scrap ... and a timed attack ... okay, then ...

A SIXTH LEVEL Psychic Lance? Bloody hell, Imogen ... and now the Mystic is Incapacitated ... nice ... 29 points of SPsychi damage!

Orym Hexes the Mystic and goes for an attack ... it hits! Oh yeah, he is gonna FUCK THIS GUY UP ... 18 points! Action Surge! Yeah ... oh yeah, he just MURDERS that guy ... holy fuck ... and now he's going for the Shrike instead ... holy shit, tiny Battle Master is a BADASS ...

Laudna Banes the Shrike, then Chetney casts Blood Curse of Binding on it ... oh, the new Scythe! Sweet ... and it hits! 19 for the first hit, 17 damage for the second! Wow ...

And NOW it's time to roll Inititative ...

Nuts ... the Shrike's up first ... and it smashes the glass tank with the ... THING in it ...

Some kind of giant BUG ... OH MY FUCKING GODS what the hell IS THAT THING?!!!

Laura asks them to hold for a moment ... cue several folk singing Girl From Ipanema ... XD ... oh, sounds like a Hail Mary ... Synaptic Static? Whoa ... so that's both the Shrike AND that bug beast ... 25 points of Psychic damage each ... and it fucks 'em up for fighting, too ... PINK LIGHTNING? Awww ... that's cute! :3

Chetney casts Blood Curse of Bloated Agony on the beasty, then attacks with his Scythe ... and CRITS!!! Nice ... Double damage means 25 on each of the two hits! Yeah ... and then his scythe SHATTERS right away? Fuck ... unbelievable ... he just GOT THAT!!!

Orym jumps on the still prone Shrike and attacks again ... 10 damage, then 15 on the second, 13 on the third ... and he gets the HDYWTDT! Yeah ... ANOTHER murder!

Laudna skitters across the ceiling over it and casts Blight on the vidulch ... 8D8 of Necrotic damage? Nice ... 25 altogether? Pretty sweet ... then she Quickens and hits it with an Eldritch Blast ... first misses, but the next two hit! Yeah ...

The beasty's turn and it's GETTING UP ... oh this is UGLY ... but it's also HURT ... okay ... IT CAN MULTI-ATTACK?!!! I'm sorry? Oh yeah, this thing is just unleashing a big can of whoopass on EVERYBODY, innit? Wait, AND it has Corroding Spit? Seriously? Come ON Matthew! But apparently because it wasn't "done", it is also falling apart with each turn ...

Imogen blasts a Lightning Bolt right through it ... at 4TH LEVEL?!!! Wow ... 23 points of damage! Just send those dice to dice jail, Laura! She Quickens, then casts Shocking Grasp on it ... 21 more points! Yeah ...

CHetney RIPS HIS OWN EARS OFF to reveal flames as he casts Crimson Rite! Okay ... 26 points of damage, plus another 16 from the Rite ... HDYWTDT!!! Yes! He just tears the vidulch CLEAN OPEN and it just spills itself out all over him ... charming ... oh for the love of ... DON'T EAT THAT, Chet!

They break the vat open and release their intended rescuee ... yeah, get to healing, guys! So Evoroa is free, and awake, but definitely still HURT ...

Oh yeah, grab the Aeorian tech thingy, yeah ... into the Bag of Holding with it! And some fetus bottles for Laudna ... lovely ...

Oh wow ... so they just put the white hot masks DIRECTLY onto the Judicators' faces, huh? Charming ...

Checking in with the others ... back at the bomb site, then ...

Oh yeah, I would say that blast was a RESOUNDING success ... meanwhile Letters and Ashton are just DEAFENED right now ... great ... Fearn tries to getto them both now ...

Oh thank fuck they're back together again ...

Fuck ... the Red Glow? Not good ... and here comes the SCREAM!!! Fuck ... whatever that was it wasn't GOOD ...

Yeah, better beat a hasty retreat ...

Another explosion ... a PINK explosion? Great ... oh yeah, that was DEFINITELY LIliana ... and she's STILL ALIVE ...

Backtracking out through the builsing in a hurry ... thank fuck for Invisibility ... yeah, they BARELY make it out ...

Crap ... soldiers, just EVERYWHERE ... try another route, then ... yes, UP not down ... good thing for all the chaos, clearly ...

Boot the door! Yeah, here we go ... young half-elf? Hmmm ... just keep going! Yeah, balcony! Go! Oh ... well THAT'S a long way down ...

So apparently the scream was Liliana ... oof ...

DOWN!!! QUICK!!!

Phew ... they manage to make their escape into the city ...

Liliana (psychically): "Did she KNOW?!!!" Matt: "And THAT'S where we're gonna call it a night!" Cue CHAOS from the party ...

Fuck ... another exhausting session ...

[stratuscloudsurfer]

Champion Stadium Hard Level 1 Strategy Guide

Ok, since I had fits with the champion stadium (especially round 3), and I’m hard pressed to find any strategy for it yet, I’m going to share the exact teams and order I used to finally attain victory, in hopes of helping someone else do the same.

WARNING LONG POST UNDER THE CUT

Round 1: (Parameter: Use status conditions and other conditions against all opponents!) Lorelei

So, Leaf was basically tailor made for this battle against Lorelei. Use razor leaf turn 1, and all three opponents will most likely get badly poised. From there, I set up Mega Healing and used Dawn to buff defense, freeing Brendan up to do his thing. Lorelei’s team went down pretty quickly, mostly thanks to the massive amount of poison damage. 

I think other sync pairs that would work well during Round 1 are Koga, Lyra, or Rosa. In hindsight, I wish I had used Lyra or Rosa in lieu of Dawn, as the extra healing she provided was altogether unnecessary due to how fast my opponents went down to poison damage and Sceptile’s leaf storm. 

Also, I know that the game recommends you take out the two pokemon on the sides first, but I went into this round without reading the tips, and took out Lapras first. I’m not sure how much of a difference it would make to take out the other two first, but taking out the center mon first worked out for me in this round. 

Round 2: (Parameter: Use sync moves quickly against all opponents!) Bruno

Sygna suit Blue came in SUPER clutch this battle. His move “To the Top!” was super useful in accelerating the move gauge for Kris’s Mega Kick. I used one at the beginning, and the second one when the first one ran out. Hilbert, of course, is an ideal support for Kris. His attack and speed boosts get rid of the need for Kris to waste any turns using her attack boosts, freeing her up to straight up attack right off the bat. 

As for strategy, mine was basically to spam Mega Kick over and over again. Again, I focused on taking down the center mon first. One recommendation I have is to use Blue’s sync move on your first opportunity. This activates Force Field 4, which will give your team a Sp. Def buff, as well as the Safety Net. The fact that Blue and Hilbert could survive one more attack meant that the opponent’s pokemon had other targets to get through before they could take out Kris. I truly believe this ability got me the W in the end. 

I think other sync pairs that would work well for this parameter might be Siebold and Clawitzer paired with Winona and any other support that could boost special attack. If you don’t have Hilbert but do have Kris, Maylene would be a great support for her, as well. 

Round 3: (Make use of special damage reductions to battle opponents with high Sp. Atk!) Lance

Round three was, hands down, the hardest one for me. I spent AGES trying to take down Lance with all kinds of different combinations of sync pairs. It was especially frustrating because the opposing Lance’s Dragonite was practically indestructible with its Clearheaded ability, which prevented the confusion it otherwise would have hit itself in probably a thousand times due to spamming Outrage over and over. 

I tried for a long time to use Lyra in lieu of MC and Torchic, as I wanted to save her for Blue, but I had no other choice. MC’s “Blazing Hope!�� was absolutely necessary to boost the power of Lance’s Hyper Beam. My strategy was to use both “Blazing Hope”s and Drake’s Special Defense boosts at the very beginning of the battle as quickly as possible, then fire off Hyper Beams at the pokemon on either sides. I at first tried to take out the center mon first like in the previous battles, but this time, it was impossible to win any other way than to take out the side mons first. 

I burned up MC’s two attack boosts to get down to my Lance’s first sync move, and used Drake’s “Hard to Starboard!” just before the opposing Lance could use his sync move, which is helpful because it had the additional effect of charging up the move gauge and allowing my Lance to fire off more Hyper Beams. I used Lance’s potions to heal up MC’s Torchic and keep it alive as long as possible. I saved both “Now or Never!”s until the very end of the battle, then used them both in between two Hyper Beams that delivered the final blow to the opposing Lance’s extremely infuriating Dragonite. 

All this being said, I think I probably battled Lance a good 50 times before I got the W. Other combinations I tried was swapping Zinnia for Lance and Maylene for MC, but neither of those worked very well, I think due to the lack of healing capability. I think Zinnia could be useful in this battle if you had the Clearheaded ability unlocked as a lucky skill and a support sync pair that had healing capability, such as Dawn or Skyla. Additionally, I had to fully unlock Drake’s type skills, and my MC’s potential was boosted up to 4 1/2 stars. 

Round 4: (Parameter: Use sync moves as much as possible against all opponents!) Agatha

I actually tried versing Agatha in Round 3 Acerola, Fantina, and Pheobe, but found it to be even more impossible than Lance on the 3rd round, which is why I decided to save her for last. 

Elesa was definitely the MVP of this battle. I took a look at her sync grid and unlocked it to the point that I could get the MP refresh for “Breathtaking!” and it was a game changer. I used up both of her Special Attack boosts and Acerola’s Defense boosts the beginning of the battle, then targeted the side mons first with Fantina’s Shadow Ball. I used up Acerola’s “Over Here!” right before Agatha’s Gengar could use it’s sync move, which would allow Elesa’s Rotom to stay alive and continue using “Breathtaking!” to get down to Fantina’s sync move continuously. I waited until Gengar was the only pokemon left to use Fantina’s two “Dance with Me!”s so that I could fire off the two Shadow Balls that delivered the death blow. 

If you don’t have Fantina, I think that Shauntal would be an excellent swap in for her. In place of Elesa, Rosa or Cheren would probably be good support mons, especially with Cheren’s full heal to get rid of the self-inflicted burn that would probably take Shauntal out fairly quickly otherwise. I’m sure Morty would be good as well, but I can’t speak for him because I don’t have him. I highly recommend Acerola as at least one of your allies for this team, though, as her type skills were super helpful fully unlocked. 

Round 5: (Parameters: Use physical attacks against opponents with low defense! / Use status conditions and other conditions against all opponents!) Blue

I hated to be so cliche as to use Red against Blue, but... well, he’s obscenely strong, so I had to do it to him. This was the exact team I used. I chose the status effects condition with Flannery in mind, and let me tell you, it was the right decision. I actually intended to level all of these guys up to max before I challenged Blue, but I ran completely out of level up materials, and so decided just to go ahead and challenge him to get a feel for how the battle would be. I didn’t expect to win on the first try, but this team brought me to a solid and swift victory. 

Skyla is an ideal partner for Red because her “Take Flight!”s negate the massive drop in both defenses that Charizard incurs after using “My Destiny!” My strategy in this battle was to use both “My Destiny!”s and “Take Flight!”s at the very beginning of the battle, then to burn Blue’s Exeggutor with Will-O-Wisp immediately after the status boosts. I unlocked Skyla’s sync grid enough to get the MP refresh for Potion, which was super duper helpful. I think it refreshed a good 5 times, allowing me to heal her up to survive all the attacks directed at her, as well as her two allies after Blue’s sync move had been used. With Red, I spammed Heat Wave before and after his sync move until both side mons went down, then used a couple of Blast Burns to take down Blue’s Exeggutor. 

Other sync pairs that I think have potential for this battle are Flint in lieu of Red and Blaine in lieu of Flannery. Of course, MC and Torchic would be a great support for this battle, as well. 

And there you have it! Now of course, I’m not a Pokemon Masters expert, or am in any way claiming to be. I just hoped that my struggle could perhaps help someone else out with this challenge. Also, if anyone else has beat the Champion Stadium with other sync pairs, I would love to hear what you used! 

[joeyjoeylee]

How would you rank the good girl szns?

Oooh, fun question! I’ll put this under a thingie b/c as I have proven time and again, I am incapable of brevity.

I’d go:

1. Season 2 – This one worked on every level for me up to the last 20 minutes or so of the finale.

Too many reasons to list them all, but off the top of my head: the Girls’ interactions together all season. Dean being shot and bleeding out on his own dining room chair after watching the guy who beat the shit out of him caress his wife’s face. Mary Pat acting out “machete.” Those multiple episodes where I thought Boomer was dead and rotting in the ground. 2.04 & 2.09 - I will never know peace again in my life b/c of these. Annie helping Nancy give birth. Dean being dunked on by middle-aged Krav Maga instructors and child hitmen alike. Rio and Beth at a picnic table in the sunshine. Dean being ignored by a trendy hipster bar waitress with a professionalism problem while his wife got railed in the bathroom. The really deep dive into the Stan/Ruby relationship and how the strongest of strong couples were tested in a way that had nothing to do with infidelity (felt so rare and true).

The biggest reason I think though is one Agent James Turner. Holy crap, I loved him in Season 1 and that grew exponentially in Season 2. Such a rounded and nuanced character, a law enforcement antagonist outside the traditional White Hat mold, so cunning and ruthless and funny. And so well-acted, his chemistry with everyone was amazeballs. I laugh every time I think about him and Mary Pat together. I lived for his palpable Boomer disgust, him and Rio going head-to-head, his loaded conversations with Stan. And seriously, the scenes with him and Beth? I think in some ways those two characters saw each other more clearly through all the bullshit they both put on than anyone else saw them. And then to have them both so fully engaged in trying to top the other? Man, that was the shit.

2. Season 1 – I binged this one in two days straight I think (probably less, lol). Just was captivated by it all, the setup, the music, the characters, Eddie breaking a small child’s finger and stuffing half a hotdog in his face, the styling, etc. The pace was frenetic and I think they burned through a lot of story maybe too quick that they could have spun out and drawn more viewers in – but as a binge-watch, it was impossible to beat. It sent me straight to Tumblr and AO3 and I was hyperfixated from the get-go, which is always a fun and frothy feeling!

3. Season 3 – There were a lot of stand alone moments that I loved in Season 3. Ruby seeing how her choices were playing out with Sara. Annie taking steps to grow up (although thumbs down to Dr. Cohen, boo to him for one thousand years). Brio sitting at dark picnic tables processing their anger/don’t-call-it-a-breakup-but-it-was-a-breakup on their beautiful faces.

And after where the writers decided to go in the Season 2 finale (still baffled by this tho), I understood why the writers had to do a lot of things they did to both keep Rio as a character long term and try to make it make sense as to why he wouldn’t just immediately kill all 3 of these women asap. And I understood how this made the overall mood much darker as they tried to work through that (made more difficult by the whole pandemic thing too, etc).

But for me, I liked it better when it was the Girls v. a third-party antagonist like Boomer or Turner or even Mary Pat, with Rio as their Boss/Reluctant Quasi-Partner Not to Be Trusted Yet Still to Be Hooked Up With. So to have Rio be the Big Bad of the season, this was less bueno for me.

There were also things I found….off, for lack of a better word, tonally, like the sort of amnesia that the Girls seemed to develop that Boomer had once framed Annie for felony drug possession which put her in danger of losing custody of her child, oh not to mention had attempted to violently rape Annie and had raped Mary Pat.

I know a lot of people love Season 3 for the angst, and for them I am happy they were well-fed! And I liked it too, overall. But lower than 1 and 2, my one true love.

4. Season 4 – Somebody always has to be last, and that sadly is Season 4. Still loved the characters and the actors too, natch. Was intrigued and excited by the expansion of Rio’s family/backstory. Loved seeing Dean in jail and then being infantilized riding up and down the street like Jane while his wife openly met with her former/current lover who had not only shot him in his own house but also waved to Dean like a dick. The serotonin from that moment, my God.

For the last season though, the fact that so much time was spent with the Girls not interacting as much or plotlines that made me bored as shit (what was that Homeless Guy stuff, I mean seriously, I can't even keep his name in my head it tranquilized me so much) or characters I didn’t care about (I will always love Travis from Clueless but if I had to see his little bike shorts or his tiny face one more time, I’d kill him myself. I’m glad his wife and dicky child hated and disrespected him, because same.) or main characters' actions that were so ambiguous that I had to contort myself into a pretzel to try to make narrative sense. And like most if not all white men, Bill Krebs needs to stop speaking forever b/c much like the creators of Game of Thrones, every time my eyes drifted across something he’d written in an Instagram DM, I got dumber. Also everything he said was either a lie or drastically overexaggerated or offensive, so that was weekly frustrating as well.

Mostly I loved this season b/c it was the last and because I loved reading all the posts and seeing all the gifs and everyone from the community talking together in real time. So that made me happy, even when I was frustrated with the content itself!

[dialovers-translations]

Diabolik Lovers GRAND EDITION for Switch ;; More, Blood ー Yuma Maniac [Epilogue]

Monologue

ーー Ever since I miraculously met Boss,

in that small yet enormous city,

I considered myself to be lucky.

However...this kind of ridiculous luck (1),

I never once asked for.

When I open my eyes, I am met with the sight,

of an unfamiliar ceiling.

I should have been shot. 

In that case, is this Heaven?

...Seems a little filthy to be the case.

When I inspect my own body,

I find a bandage wrapped around my shoulder.

ーー No way. Is this it?

I checked my body from head to toe, but my injuries,

were barely any worse than when I got into a fight.

Like an absolute fool,

I wrongly assumed I had been shot,

and seemingly lost consciousness from the shock.

Pathetic. This makes Lucks’ nickname,

the name ‘bear’ seem like a joke. (2)

Perhaps they noticed I had gotten up,

but a single man approached me. 

He was beaming with arrogance.

ーー Where am I?

When I asked this question, I was told ‘an orphanage’ in return.

Why am I here? 

What happened to my other comrades? 

What about our hideout? And Boss?

The man replied to my onslaught of questions. 

‘I don’t know’, is all he said.

 That one response told me everything. 

Aah, just how many times,

must I lose my home?

ー The scene starts with a flashback at the orphanage

Bear: ...

Youngster: Oi, you!

Bear: ...

Youngster: Big guy, I’m talking to you. You’re Bear, aren’t you? Lucks’ loyal little follower. (3)

Bear: ...You’re...

( He was part of the team which set us up...! )

Gang Boss: I didn’t think there would be any survivors. How did you pull that off, huh?

Did your beloved Boss sacrifice himself for your sake, perhaps?

Bear: ( ...He’s only taunting me. Ridiculous. )

It’s none of your business. Scram.

Gang Boss: What’s this~? Seems like the bear who doesn’t know how to do anything but mindlessly attack has become quite tame?

Have you lost both your claws and fangs from the shock of losing your Boss?

Bear: ...

Gang Boss: Well, you’ve only got yourself to blame for ever associating with such a fool.

Just how much of an idiot do you have to be to fall for such a trap? Hyahahaha!

Bear: ...

*THUD*

Bear: ( Don’t make fun of Boss! )

*THUD*

Bear: ( You don’t know anything about him! )

*THUD THUD*

Bear: ( About how he felt, what he thought...! )

*THUD THUD THUD*

*TIMESKIP*

Orphanage employee B: Geez...You’ve only just arrived here and already you’re causing trouble. Go cool your head here for a bit.

Bear: ...I should have killed that piece of trash!

...Fuck!!

*THUD*

???: Excuse me? Could you not punch the wall right next to someone?

Bear: ...! Who’s there!?

???: Who, you ask? ...I’m your ‘senior’ here, you know? At this penalty room.

Bear: ...You pulled something too?

???: Hmー I guess you could say the opposite. I’m being supervised so I don’t do anything funny.

Bear: ...What do you mean?

???: That’s a secret. Everyone has their own story here.

Bear: ( ...What a weirdo. )

???: So, what did you do? You must have caused quite the trouble to be locked up in here?

Bear: ...There was a pest crawling around so I punched it. Then I was thrown in here as a punishment for nearly killing him.

???: Ahaha! For real!?

I heard this big shot who calls himself a gang boss was nearly beaten to death...So you’re the one responsible, huh?

Bear: So what?

???: Nothing, really. I hated that guy too, so serves him right. Thank you.

I’ve taken a liking to you. Say, what is your name?

Bear: ...Bear.

???: Bear? What a strange name.

Bear: It’s a nickname. My real name...I don’t even know myself.

???: You don’t? How come?

Bear: I don’t remember.

???: Ah, I’ve heard of that. ‘Memory something’, right? Hm...I suppose you haven’t had it easy either. 

Bear: ...Oi. You ask for my name, but you keep quiet about your own, huh?

Kou: Ah, right. I’m Kou.

It’s so dull in here, so I’m glad to have a companion. Nice to meet you, Bear-kun.

Bear: ( ...He really is a weirdo. But...I talked to someone for the first time in a while. )

( ...I see. I must have been lonely... )

Monologue

After barely talking to anyone,

since my arrival at the orphanage,

I talked to Kou about all sorts of things,

the words gushing out like breaking a dam.

Kou was somewhat of an odd fellow,

but I never felt uncomfortable talking to him,

I found him to be quite mysterious.

Above all, Kou would never

make fun of Boss.

I felt like that alone was enough,

for us to be able to become friends.

ー The flashback ends as the scene shifts to the garden

Yuma: ...They just won’t bloom.

Boss, do you...bear a grudge against me?

Am I being arrogant for wanting to inherit your dream...?

Ruki: Oi, Yuma. ...Come with me, there is something we have to talk about.

Yuma: ...

*TIMEKSIP*

ー The scene shfits to the library

Yui: Uhm...Ah, found it.

*Rustle*

Yui: ( Thank god, they have it at the library as well. )

( A Bible...It’s been a while since I held one of these. I left my own at the Sakamaki manor after all. )

( ...I know reading this won’t erase everyting I’ve done so far, nor will it change anything... )

( However, I don’t want to live my life simply giving up and sitting still. )

Yuma: The fuck ya doin’, Sow!?

Yui: Hyaah!!

*THUD*

*Rattle*

Yuma: Shut up! Don’t make a damn ruckus in the library!

Yui: S-Sorry...Or rather, you’re the one shouting, you know?

Yuma: Idiot! I’m allowed to! Don’t sweep us under the same rug!

Yui: ( He’s not making any sense...Well, there’s barely any people here right now so I guess it’s fine. )

Yuma: Why are ya still loiterin’ ‘round this place even after classes have ended? Come on, we’re goin’ home!

Yui: Ah, hold on. I’m gonna go borrow this book then.

Yuma: Aahn? What a drag. Just take it with ya, who cares.

Yui: I can’t do that! You have to register it when you borrow a book after all.

I’ll be right back, so hold on, okay?

Yuma: Che...I’ll be outside, ‘kay? I can’t grow used to the air in here. Listen, ya better show up within 10 seーー

...The fuck’s this book?

Yui: Ah...

Yuma: ...The Bible...?

Oi...Why do ya read this crap?

Yui: Why, you ask...? I wanted to do some research, on Nuns as well...

Yuma: Aahn...?

Yui: I told you it’s my dream, right? It might be impossible, but I don’t want to just give up either...

Yuma: So? ...This is what ya came up with?

Yui: ( W-Why...? Is Yuma-kun upset about something? )

*THUD*

Yui: Ow...!

Yuma: This kinda crap is totally useless!

On top of that, ya decide to read a Bible out of all things...Are ya doin’ this out of spite towards me!?

Ya wanna become a holy woman or somethin’!? You’re a Vampire’s prey, don’t be ridiculous!!

Yui: Y-Yuma-ku...?

Yuma: Shut up! Don’t open yer mouth!!

*Rustle*

Yui: ( ...Why? Why is he this enraged...!? )

Yuma: Yer dream will never come true!

That was decided from the moment blood flew from that body of yers! Yet...!

Ya keep on strugglin’ in vain like a fool! It’s a damn eyesore...!!

Yui: Uu...!

Yuma: In that case...I don’t mind makin’ it so ya don’t have even the slightest bit of hope left?

If I just suck yer blood right now, suckin’ ya dry...Turnin’ ya into a Vampire just like me.

Ya won’t even dream of becomin’ a damn Nun, will ya?

Yui: ( Yuma-kun...Why...? )

( He never told me to give up when I talked about my dreams... )

ー Yuma bites her

Yui: Ah...!

Yuma: ...Nn...

Having dreams...is utter bullshit.

Chasin’ after a dream which will never come true, won’t do ya any good...

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

Translation notes

(1) 悪運 or ‘aku-un’ may seem like it means ‘bad luck’ because it has the kanji for ‘悪い’ or ‘warui’ in it. However, it actually refers to extreme good luck, which you may or may not want or deserve. In this case, Yuma did not want to be so lucky to be the only surviving gang member.

(2) Literally it says that the name would ‘cry’, implying that he failed to live up to it.

(3) They use the term 腰巾着 or ‘koshi-ginchaku’, which actually is the word to refer to a purse you wear around your waist. I assume this implies that Bear & Lucks were always together.

→  LIKE MY TRANSLATIONS? SUPPORT ME ON KO-FI!

<- [ Maniac 10 ] [ Ecstasy Prologue ] ->

[myblueeyedbuggers]

My Boys

Chapter 2

Chapter 1 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7  Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11  Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14

Pairings: Reader x Steve Rogers (Platonic) Reader x Bucky Barnes

Word Count: 1918

Warnings: Language, A tiny bit of Angst

Summary: After being abandoned by her parents in Brooklyn in 1929, y/n makes a living for herself by working for the Црни лабуд gang until she meets two boys in a back alley and her life slowing begins to change.

So, Hi again, I know I said that the next chapter would be shorter but I kinda got carried away with the story, hopefully you guys don’t mind XD As mentioned before All requests and imagines are open, any constructive criticism is welcome. Enjoy Everyone! (I just noticed I linked the wrong page for Chapter 1, not a very good tech student am I? XD)

A few days later-

The right side of my face felt like it was on fire, a constant ache reminding me of what happens when I fail my task, boss handed my ass to me in more ways then one. The damn beatings from the boys made me too weak to stop the bastard named Greg from running off and calling the police, the dick decided to hand himself in instead of spending time with yours truly, which in all honesty is understandable, any sane person would turn and leg it away from a small lass looking like she went 5 rounds with a bear.

Perhaps walking around in the middle of the day isn’t the best idea when your face looks like the rear end of a smashed-up truck, people were stopping and staring at me, it was really doing miracles for my self-esteem (Notice my sarcasm there). I’d already managed to screw up this “mission” anyway, staying undetected with a face like this is nearly impossible, my decision of winging it this morning coming back to bite me in the ass within the first 5 minutes out the house. Safe to I was royally buggered, both literally and figuratively.

My mind was buzzing with different techniques and plans I needed to get the next target, maybe I could break into his house and dig up some dirt on this guy, from what I’ve been told that should be easy considering the dirt bag’s cheating on his wife with the maid from the apartment be- whatever train of thought I had was completed obliterated, somehow my ass hand ended up on the floor. Again. Irritation flooded my veins, whoever did better be ready to dig themselves an early grave, looking up my eyes made contact with the one person who I wished to never see again. Bucky f**king Barnes. “Why is it every time I see you, you’ve somehow managed to piss me off? Is that how you greet everyone or am I just that Special?”, I was met with silence. Not unnerving at all, glancing at him I noticed he was staring at my face with wide eyes, immediately I pulled myself from the floor and ran like hell in the opposite direction.

 This is not an ideal situation, to anyone else it’d look like I was running for the bus, when I was actually running for my life, “y/n! stop!” like that’s gonna bloody happen ya moron there’s a flipping reason I’m running, cause I ain’t doing it for fun!I already know I’m gonna regret doing this, my feet changed direction and guided my body down a small but familiar ginnel, two lefts and a right later I was approaching a wall, adrenaline was rushing through my body as I launched myself at the wall. Surprisingly I didn’t faceplant and managed to get a hold of the top of the wall, the lower half of my body erupted in sharp pains, but I needed to ignore them, quickly pulling myself up and leaping off to the other side. As soon as my feet touched the floor I was off, I didn’t really wanna know if Bucky saw what I did or where I went, I might not like the guy, but he doesn’t need to get tangled up in with a hopeless case like me.

Once I was certain that I’d lost him, I crouched down behind some bins and attempted, key word attempted, to catch my breath. I’ll admit that was way too close, anyway why does he care? I was and still am being a complete dick to him, does he not get the hit that I’m not his number one fan? Eh, when’ve I cared?  it’s just me against this bullshit world and I’m pretty sure that ain’t gonna change anytime soon. Now fully recovered, I emerged from my hidey hole and… walked right into Bucky. “What the Hell?! Are you some form of f**cking ninja or something, did you not get that don’t wanna talk or do I need to give you a formal letter?!”, he just stared at me with raised eyebrows and let me finish my rant, cocky bugger.

 “You done running now? Wanna try telling me who the hell did this?”, okay who the hell crapped him is cereal? “Nobody, I simply fell of a bike earlier on this week avoiding the village idiot”, giving me, an incredulous look Bucky sighed and covered his face in exasperation. Seeing an opportunity to get away, I slowly started edging away and to be fair, I nearly got past him before he grabbed my arm, “do you really expect me to believe that y/n?”.

The glare I sent him could have made Satan himself piss his pants, but Bucky didn’t even flinch much to my frustration, “Believe it, don’t believe it all in all I couldn’t give a shit, now let go of my arm before I rip it off “I’m pretty sure I just growled at him. And of course, the dick does the opposite and tightens his grip on my arm, wait is he dragging me?! The hell! do I look like dog on a leash? “Fine then don’t tell me, but you’re coming to my house to get cleaned up” his tone was final and left no room for arguments, but it’s me, when have I ever backed down from a challenge? “Nope, nah, not happening I can take care of myself thank you very much, now I’ll ask you one last time. Let. Go. Of. My. Arm.”

My voice held so much spite, I hardly recognised it as my own, “No” and with that he picked me up, ignoring my protests, and started carry me to his home

.-40 minutes later

How the hell Bucky managed to carry me for this long, I have no idea, for a lad of 14 he’s impressively strong and that’s the annoying thing, I’ve been trying to get off him for the past 40 minutes and even my hardest punches and kicks just seemed to tickle him. At one point he even started laughing at my threats, which added to my burning rage, the urge to smack this cocky son of a gun was hard to contain at this point. I’ve no idea what neighbourhood were in, it resembled a perfect suburban hub, the ideal place to settle down and raise a family, I wonder what it’s be like to be apart of a fully functioning family coming home to people who loved you…it must be nice. 

 Unknown to Bucky, a single tear slid down my face, my heart longing for a family to call my own, but that’d never happen, hell according to my parents I wasn’t even supposed to exist, by the time my mother realised she was pregnant it was too late to get an abortion. I was a curse that ruined their lives and their relationship, I’ve got the scars to prove how much of a waste of space I am, “You okay back there? You’ve been quite for more than two minutes” Bucky’s voice cut through my thoughts, for a minute I’d forgotten where I was. Okay that’s enough of feeling sorry for yourself y/n, pull yourself together you’ve managed this long without anyone, “Hello? Are you asleep of somethin?” I swear down this guy is more annoying then my conscious sometimes, “Nope I was thinking of all the different ways I can kick ya ass later buddy boy”, his body vibrated with laughter as Bucky let out a load laugh at my reply. 

Do you see what I’m dealing with here ?!, “Good to know you’re back to the you’re ever cheerful self doll”, what in the name of ever loving fudge?! “Since when did I become your doll Barnes? last time I checked slingin’ a girl over your shoulder and carrying her off isn’t the way to get a girl!” all the bugger does is laugh, laugh I tell you! this boy is gonna be the death of me. “You sure about that doll face? cause it worked for me”.

I could practically see the stupid smirk on his face, also can someone explain to me why I’m blushing? For once I had nothing say, my sarcasm failed me…damn it. A low chuckle brought my attention back to the annoyance with legs, more commonly known as Barnes, “We’re almost home Doll, Mama should be able to clean you up in no time” oh no, no, no I don’t do well with parents, or any adult now that I think about it, they always have this look of pity in their eyes when they see me. It’s like they’ve just found a homeless kitten on the street and feel the need to adopt it and take care of it until they get bored, it’s infuriating and embarrassing, “Oi! Barnes, I ain’t telling you again I can look after myself, your mama doesn’t need to trouble herself with me I’m perfectly capable of cleaning myself up!” he let out another frustrated sigh, he must be going for a record it’s the 20th one, before ignoring me completely and walking up the drive.

“Yeah you keep saying you okay by yourself but look at the state of you y/n! you’ve got a busted-up nose and lip, a black eye and a cut on you’re eyebrow! How the hell is that taking care of yourself?!” for once he did have a point, but hell’s gonna have to freeze over before I admitted that, “Not that you’d know this Barnes, but this is what happens every day, I have to make my own livin’ I ain’t got anyone to rely on and it’s been that way for years, it’s how I like it! now put me the hell down before I kick ya ass to China!”.

The sound of an opening door stopped Bucky’s reply, “JAMES BUCHANAN BARNES WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING LUGGIN’ THIS POOR GIRL AROUND LIKE A SACK OF POTATOS?! PUT HER DOWN NOW!” holy mother of all things holy I do NOT want to be on the receiving end of this lady’s anger! I think my ass is attracted to the floor, one minute I’m being held captive by an annoying pillock and the next I’m on the floor nursing a bruised behind, “Jesus Christ talking about letting a girl down quickly!” hands grabbed my upper arms and pulled me to my feet, Bucky’s apologies faded into the background when a shocked gasp silenced the conversation. Slowly I raised my head, Bucky’s mother had tears falling down her cheeks, her brown eyes were filled with the two emotions I hated the most, pity and sadness.

 Not being able to keep eye contact any longer, my gaze shifted to the porch floor, her shadow slowly started to move towards me, she was being cautious as if she were approaching a wild animal and I hated it. I hate seeing people treat me like a basketcase, I can’t stand it “I’m very sorry for disturbing you ma’am, I’ll leave” I quickly turn around and start to walk away, about 3 steps in a gentle hand grabs my shoulder and stops me. “Sweetie, you don’t have to apologise for anything, come inside I’ll get you cleaned up, Bucky, honey Steve’s inside with your father and sister” and with that Bucky’s mother guides me inside with a comforting hand and a gentle smile. 

Soooo..yeah this happens, I’m not gonna lie I felt really bad writing the sad bit about the reader, I may have teared up a tiny bit, anyway YAY chapter 2 is outta the way!. Hope you all liked it  :)Rose xx

[residentlesbrarian]

The Second Book I Read In the Dark: Another YA superhero novel for me to squeal over forever...YES, Please! Gimme Gimme!

Dreadnought by April Daniels

So Day 1 in the dark continues onward and I have already finished 1 of my 3 library books with still so much day left so what else to do but soldier forward and continue without pause. Well there was a short pause for delicious chicken soup cooked on a blessedly gas powered range (never gonna live in a house with an electric range; I swear this thing has saved our butts in so many power outages), but I digress; I was ready! This time I was taking a break from the whimsical and witchy and diving head first into all things super with an extra heroic twist. 

I had heard so many good things about this book for so long but again it had fallen to the wayside of other distractions (a rainbow montage of movie and TV show gays runs back and forth through my head like the migrating fandom flamingoes). What finally made me make the decision to buckle down and do the thing was a video review done by one of my favorite YouTubers, Dominic Noble (Video Linked below). I love his series Lost in Adaptation, because as an avid reader I too find myself appalled by what Hollywood often does to my favorite books. Hearing him talk about Dreadnought was just the push my flighty brain needed to say, “Fine! Alright! We haven’t utterly obsessed over a teenage superhero book in like 6 months since we near bludgeoned our girlfriend with Not Your Sidekick! Fine! Let’s do it!” So...yeah if this intro is anything to go by this should be a fun one! Let’s dive right in shall we!

Unicorn Rating:

Blurb: She just wanted to paint her toenails in peace but then a superhero had to go and die and give Danny the one thing she never thought she’d have...her proper body. Now if only everyone else felt that way too. Life just got awesome and really really complicated all at once! Oh yeah and she can fly now. Bonus!

Disclaimer: I will try my best to not spoil anything from the book, but my book loving rambles may give more away than a traditional review. Here we go! Ramble time!

Review: 

Holy crap! After the last book this was exactly what I needed! This book was just...so good! The plot...the characters...the world...everything about it just pulls you in and doesn’t let you go. Now I may have felt that way because I didn’t have anything trying to pull me away from this book but I don’t think I would have been easily pulled away if there had been distractions. And so many facets of this story were things I didn’t expect because I had never seen them portrayed before. Like the fact Danny having to deal with the rampant day to day sexism of being a woman now that her appearance matches who she really is. I’ve never seen that in a book before and I absolutely loved it! I was so dedicated to Danny’s story from page 1 it’s ridiculous, and look at that, a perfect segue into the phenomenal characters of this book...look what I did there switching it up going out of order on ya...gotta keep ya on your toes.

Our protagonist Danny is such a phenomenal example of a genuine kind caring person who is also deeply scarred and angry. It was so amazing to read a character that was flawed and struggling and doesn’t see how much a hero she really is and the small moments when others take that double take and go, “You’re the real deal, huh?” But those moments just confuse the living hell outta Danny cause she’s just Danny, she got super powers as a fluke. She is also hilarious and courageous and smart but knows she isn’t perfect and has weaknesses. She may be the strongest person on earth physically now but she acknowledges that that isn’t everything someone needs. Danny is such a good bean, but she has issues and that isn’t glossed over which is so rare. Now the next thing I want to touch on is a very tough subject but is very prevalent in the book so I wouldn’t be a very prudent reviewer if I didn’t bring it up. Danny is, without question, an abused child. This isn’t even really a spoiler, it alludes pretty heavily to it in the blurb, but what I’m gonna touch on next does dip into that territory so I’m gonna break it into a new LONG paragraph so just scroll on by if you don’t want to read this bit.

So at one point in the book Danny mentions a health screening at school that revealed she had hearing damage in her right ear that has now been healed by the mantle of Dreadnought. At the time of the screening she didn’t realize why until her dad had another Mount Vesuvius day and she assumed her usual position of curling in on herself and turning her head to the left so he would yell into only her right ear. Now how loud and how often do you have to yell into someone’s ear to cause permanent hearing damage? I don’t know and honestly I don’t want to know. Why am I highlighting an overall tiny moment...because for me this moment jumped out and gut punched me. Brought literal tears to my eyes. Tears of pain. Tears of rage. Tears of hate. I’m a weepy bitch when I get emotional. I’ve read a lot of books that try and portray abuse and how Daniels wrote Danny’s abuse from her father took my breath away because it felt so real. There weren’t really any good days, there were bad days, there were really bad days, but most days were just anxiously waiting for the next bad day, because Danny knew there would always be a next bad day. Something that did surprise me was my feelings about Danny’s mother. I knew going in I would hate her father, before even meeting him I hated him, but her mother, that was a hate that lay dormant until it exploded onto the scene and froze me to my core. I’m not gonna get into my own demons here but there is one thing I cannot abide by and that is people turning a blind eye while someone abuses another. Danny’s mother is the textbook definition of someone who “goes along to get along”, she will do just about anything to keep the peace, but at what cost? Instead of protecting her child from someone who literally screamed so long and so loud at her child that it damaged her hearing she just sat back and let them. That’s not the worst though, no, after Danny’s transition her mom seems to be understanding of the fact she is happy being a girl and is buying her things she needs like bras and undeniably feminine shoes, only to reveal it was all to keep Danny docile so she wouldn’t cause more fights with her dad. That to me is unforgivable. Not worse than the abuse of the father, but still undeniably selfish. She never cared about Danny or listened to her and what she was really saying. She just didn’t want there to be anymore fighting. Well I’m sorry, but sometimes, as a mother, you should fight to protect your goddamn child when someone is hurting them. The last thing I’ll say before going back to the more spoiler free and fun part of the review is that the fact Danny can never make herself say she is being abused hits so close to home for me. As a reader looking in from outside, there was a scene with a member of the Legion that I felt like, as an abuse survivor myself, I was standing there begging Danny to accept her invitation. To get out of that house. To get away from her father. To see what he was doing for what it was. But I knew she wouldn’t, she wasn’t ready, and it broke my heart to watch her fly away.

Anyway moving on from all that heavy stuff lets talk about other things like some freaking superheroes and one particular vigilante. We have the Legion members: Doc Impossible, Valkyrja, Magma, Graywytch, Chlorophyll, and Carapice. Now How do I want to talk about these characters...in what order...hmmm...how about from best to worst. Okay? Okay. Great! 

I freaking love Doc Impossible! She is a character that from the moment I met her she gave me ‘kookie grandma’ character vibes and I get DOWN with kookie grandma characters. Now I know she isn’t a grandma character nor is she particularly crazy in the way she acts; it's just a vibe I get from her that I love. Now one thing I do want to say without spoiling anything is how Doc is one of the few characters that never tries to take away Danny’s agency in everything that happens around her in all this superhero craziness. Danny can always be her own person and most importantly a kid around Doc, and I feel Danny really needed that. I will stop myself now because I could go on for hours about Doc and how much I LOVE HER!

Next up we get a two for one, Valkyrja and Magma. We don’t see much of them but what we do get is pretty good. They are adult superheroes who have their own priorities surrounding what is going on with Danny, but aren’t mean or cruel and seem to genuinely care about Danny. Valkyrja is funny and surprisingly down to earth even though she is basically a scandinavian goddess of sorts. Also the hilarity of her being Danny’s long time celebrity crush never gets old. Oh Danny, you useless little lesbian. Magma is a precious big hot boy that seems like he’d give good hugs. Yeah, that's about all I got to say about him that won’t spoil anything. 

Now we have another two for one with Chlorophyll and Carapice. These two I'm between dislike and indifferent on.  They weren’t outright mean to Danny but they treated her more like a means to an end or down right refused to acknowledge she was the new Dreadnought whether they liked it or not, but we didn’t really get to see them enough to really learn more about their motivations. 

Finally to round out the Legion we have Graywytch. Excuse me while I get this out. *Exaggerated throat clear.* First of all, Imma slap that stupid robe of ya stupid head. Then Imma stab you with your stupid fancy atheme you like to wave around all the time. And don’t even start on your “Typical male, always resorting to violence” shtick, cause guess what, I’m a ciswoman and I still wanna stomp a mudhole in your ass. And for that...Imma slap your dumb bird too. *Deep breath in. Looooooong exhale.* Sorry about that. Mama had to express some rage. I have never had a hate-sink character that made me feel the fiery flames of rage quite like Graywytch...obviously. Her treatment of Danny had me gripping the book tightly and growling about slapping birds and “shanking bitches” more than I should probably admit. She is one of those characters that I love how much I hate her. She served the exact purpose she was meant to and it was never cast in a light that she may be right in her treatment of Danny, we are always aware that her mindset is ridiculous. Like the fact outside of her parents Graywytch is the only character to blatantly deadname and misgender Danny. To go off on a small tangent here I may relate too much here because I have a younger brother who is trans (don’t worry he is fine with me discussing it in reviews and such) and I went to a graduation party when my best friend graduated medical school and he was out to the family but not extended friends yet. After only referring to him by the proper pronouns for so long at home hearing the wrong ones caused legitimate eye blinking record scratch cognitive dissonance for me. I had the same feeling anytime Graywytch opened her stupid mouth and blatantly misgendered Danny. Because the way this is written Danny is Danny, she is exactly who she is meant to be. Suck it Graywytch!

Okay, I know you probably want to hear about the plot I know, but we have one more character we have to talk about and that is Calamity, the rootin’-ist tootin’-ist vigilante that ever did come through these here parts. Sorry, I have to talk like this now, it’s part of the persona, you have to commit to the persona. But real talk, I absolutely love Calamity as a look into “graycapes” and the real dive into the world of superheroes beyond the big heroes. We get to see how someone who doesn’t have the backing of the Legion goes about helping people, the little people, those that maybe the Legion way up in their tower can’t see from so high up in the clouds. And y’all know me, I love a morally gray vigilante with a heart of gold.  She had me at “You wanna go capin’?”

Now obviously I couldn’t get enough of the characters but the plot was pretty darn good too. It was so intricately woven in with Danny and her inheriting the mantle from the previous Dreadnought that she had no choice but to be an integral part of it. Now I obviously don’t have as much to say about the plot as I did the characters but know if you come for the plot you won’t be disappointed. It kept me guessing and threw me for an absolute curve ball at the end that I did not see coming! You won’t be disappointed.

So final thoughts...there isn’t much more I can say without going on an hours long squeal fest about how much I freaking loved this book and the characters and the intricacies of how Danny’s powers work and how she was written and how she interacts with different characters and just everything that would mean massive untakebackable spoilers! So I will end on this note; Danny is a character that it would have been easy to lean into the superhero aspect and let the reader forget that she was trans, but April Daniels didn’t want that. Danny was gifted the easiest transition in the history of the world. What takes most people years of HRT and surgeries and therapy Danny did in the passing of a mantle, but it never took away the fact she is and always will be trans. It was a unique reading experience that I have only been blessed with once before but that’s a story for a different review on a different day.

Queer Wrap-up: I would give my left kidney (that’s my good one btw) to give this book five unicorns, but alas I cannot, a one off conversation in an elevator hinting that a certain improbable doctor may have a one sided thing for a particular sadly straight scandinanvian god being is just not enough to count as additional rep. As much as I love this book, and I love it A LOT! We only have Danny as our queer rep and she is fantastic rep and our protagonist so a 4 unicorn rating was a no brainer on this one. Danny is the kind of trans rep I want to see more of in the world of books, YA and otherwise. Being a trans lesbian is a huge part of her character but she gets to do so much more than that in the breath of the story and that’s what I look for in great representation, so Danny easily earned these 4 unicorns on her own merit just being her amazing self.

Links: 

Goodreads

Dominc Noble’s Review

Alright so...this one got long. Ah hell, I ain't gonna apologize for it! This is a damn good book and I wanted to get my fangirl squeal on y’all. 

Oh no, I think I’ve been thinking about Calamity too much I slipped into the persona without meaning to! This book was just far too much fun to read to the point I started reading it out loud with a full cast of voices (hint: the Calamity parts were my favorite) because it flowed so well and was genuinely so funny at parts and heart wrenchingly sad in others and so action packed the next moment. I finished this book in less than a day and if I had been more present and not under a pile of blankets and wearing a headlamp I might have thought to keep a timer to tell you the exact number of hours it took me, but alas know it didn’t take me many. 

So the adventures reading in the dark continue on to the next review after this one but as always if you want to read this but don’t want to spend the money without knowing for sure you are going to like it, go to your local library. You’d be surprised what they have on their shelves just waiting to be discovered. Trust me, I’m a lesbrarian.

[deanieweaniewrites]

A Helping Hand

Rating: E

Tags: Destiel, Wing Kink, Canon fic, Love admissions

Words: 3034

Beta’d by: @alicethrutheburrows

Fic for the PBExchange for @river-bottom-nightmare! I saw Wing fics in your likes and knew I had to write it, wings are my favorite too <3

~~~

Underneath the dim bunker lighting, Dean sits alone at the table, cup of coffee in hand. His back is hunched as he looks over the books of lore strewn about in front of him. It’s inching closer to three am, yet somehow, Dean isn’t tired. The coffee is just a force of habit. Usually, he would be struggling to stay awake at this hour, but tonight is different. Tonight, He’s wide awake. 

Everything is quiet, too quiet. Nothing makes a peep in the empty bunker with Sam and Dean as its only occupants. Castiel is off on one of his angel missions. Dean made sure to text him everyday to make sure he was still alive. The only response he usually got to his question of “are you alive?” was a simple “yes”. 

Dean sips his coffee, and in the silence of the bunker, there’s a noise. It’s a knock on the door. Dean closes the book in front of him and walks up the stairs to the door. He looks through the peephole and spots a very tired looking Castiel. He opens the door for him and tilts his head in confusion. 

“Dude, why didn’t you just fly in? How did you get here?”

Castiel looks around, seemingly relieved to be back in the bunker. “I’ve been walking for two days. It’s a long story.”

The hunter frowns. “What happened to your wings?”

Castiel starts walking down the stairs, ignoring Dean’s question. He’s moving slower than usual, like he’s exhausted. 

Dean follows Castiel, looming over his shoulder like a concerned parent or partner. He follows Castiel all the way back to his room. 

“Are you going to let me rest?”

The door frame props Dean up.. “Not until you tell me what happened. You look like crap, man.”

Castiel sighs, his shoulders slumping lower and making his body curl in on itself. “I said, it’s a long story.”

“I’m listening.”

Castiel stares at Dean, narrowing his eyes for a moment. “Fine. Close the door.”

Dean steps into the room and shuts the door behind himself. He backs up a little when Castiel starts undressing. It’s then that Dean notices just how dirty Castiel’s clothes are. His white shirt is stained a light brown, his trench coat is battered and frayed, and his pants have mud stains on them. Still, seeing Castiel undress makes Dean’s cheeks heat up in a way that makes him question their relationship. He had been having a lot of those moments.  “Why are you taking your clothes off?”

“Just the top half. You’ll see.” Castiel sets his clothes aside until he’s naked from the waist up. He’s dirty under the clothes, and there are a few wounds that were slowly healing.

“Dude, what kind of fight did you get yourself into?”

“A bad one.” There it was, Castiel’s usual sarcastic tone. “They were rogue angels working for hell. I won, but at a cost.”

“The wounds don’t look too bad. You’re healing, right?”

Castiel nods. “I am. Slowly. It’s not my body that was injured, though.”

“Then what was it?” Dean takes a slow step forward. His eyes are trained on Castiel’s chest, and he tries to pull them away. 

Castiel watches Dean for a moment before sighing. He rolls his shoulders, sits up straight, and something makes a noise. 

Dean’s eyes are drawn away from Castiel’s chest to the big, black mass emerging from his back. The mass unfurls into a pair of massive black wings. “Holy shit. How am I seeing those?”

“I can bring them into this plane of existence. I don’t often. I had them out while I was fighting. They had theirs out, so I would have been at a severe disadvantage if I had kept them away.” He looks back over his shoulder at the wings, spreading them a little further. “They got several good hits on me. It’s nothing severe, but my wings are in such a desperate need of grooming from the fight that I can’t fly.”

Dean stares in awe, his jaw dropping slightly. He’s never seen anything like this in his life. In all those years of fighting monsters, demons, and even angels, nothing had shocked him like this. He gets his bearings back and speaks again. “Grooming? What does that mean?”

“Just brushing out all the dead feathers and debris. There’s a lot of debris and they’re just a mess right now. It’s going to take me hours to finish.”

Dean tilts his head and approaches the bed. “Can I help? Seems like you wouldn’t be able to reach most of that,” Dean offers, his mouth moving faster than he’s thinking.

Castiel flinches, much to Dean’s surprise. He opens and closes his mouth, trying to find the words he needs. “I don’t think you should. My wings are very sensitive.”

“I can be gentle. To be frank, I’d kill to touch those. They’re awesome.” Dean lets out a breathy laugh, his lips curled in a crooked smile. 

Castiel watches Dean, seemingly searching his face for something. “Okay. You can help. Just be very gentle with them.” 

Dean walks around the side of the bed and climbs on behind Castiel, sitting cross-legged behind him. “So, what do I do?”

“Brush your fingers through the feathers, take out any damaged feathers, and pull the debris out. I can feel the sticks and leaves in there.”

Dean looks over the mass of feathers and starts to notice just how out of place everything is. There are dozens of small sticks and leaves poking out, and none of the feathers are uniform. Instead of a row of neatly placed feathers that Dean would imagine on a bird, the feathers are facing every which way like a bad game of fifty-two card pickup. 

He takes one more survey of the wings before slowly reaching out to touch them. But right as he’s about to sink his fingers into the messy plumage, a thought stops him. “This isn’t going to burn my eyes out or anything, right?”

“No, it should be perfectly safe.” Castiel’s voice is a little tight. He sounds nervous.

“Okay. I promise I won’t hurt you, buddy.” With that reassurance given, Dean begins. He plunges his finger into the feathers and slowly drags his hands down. He starts on the left wing, since it looks a little more beat up than the right. 

As his hands move, feathers, sticks, and leaves fall to the bed. Dean feels feathers coming loose and frowns. “You’re losing a lot of feathers, here.”

“That’s to be expected. My wings really aren’t supposed to be in this plane when I fly. Don’t worry about how many I lose, I have plenty.”

Dean nods slowly and continues. His fingertips brush against the slightly rough skin beneath the feathers. On the second pass, he gets to feel just how soft the feathers are. His fingers feel like they’re brushing through smooth silk. The sensation is unlike anything Dean has ever felt. 

The wing under his hands twitches slightly with each pass of his fingers. The feathers along the ridge start to lift off the top, puffing up and flaring out. Dean watches with morbid curiosity, wondering what that could possibly mean. 

Time passes quickly. Dean becomes entranced by the work of grooming Castiel’s wings. By the time he starts on the right wing, his arms are aching. He doesn’t care. The act is calming and it’s all Dean can think about in the moment. The entire world had shrunken down to just that room, where Castiel and Dean sit.  

Dean stops abruptly when he hears a noise. It’s followed by a round of coughs from Castiel. “You alright?”

Castiel rubs a hand over his face, which is still hidden from Dean. “I’m fine. You can keep going.”

Dean pauses, waiting a few seconds before continuing. He wonders if he accidentally pulled a feather too hard, so he decides to be even more gentle. 

The puffed up feathers along the ridge of Castiel’s wing refuse to go down when Dean runs his hand over them. He tries several times before huffing. “These just won’t go back into place.”

“They’re not out of place.” Castiel seems to be having a hard time speaking. “My wings are...reactive to touch.”

Dean raises a brow at that. He scoots to the side and comes up on his knees to peer over Castiel’s wing. He finally gets a good look at his face and what he sees shocks him. Castiel’s entire face is beet red. His bent index finger is between his teeth and his hairline is damp with sweat. He looks like he either just had the workout of his life, or…

Castiel’s eyes meet Dean’s and his face gets impossibly redder. He removes his finger from his mouth. “You can leave. I-I’m sorry-”

“Dude, does this turn you on?”

Castiel looks away. “I told you my wings are sensitive.”

“So all the angels in heaven get off while they groom each other?”

Castiel makes a face. “No, of course not. It’s not like this with other angels.” There’s a brief pause. “I’ve only ever had this reaction with you.”

“So why did you expect it? You were nervous before we started, like you knew this would happen.” Dean ducks under Castiel’s wing and moves to sit beside him. 

“Angels do have that reaction, with their mates. The feathers sticking up, it’s part of angel mating. I can’t control it. I knew it would happen with you because,” he sighs, “because of how I feel about you.”

Dean stares at Castiel, searching his face for a lie. He looks sincere, and that’s what scares Dean the most. “You consider me your...mate?”

“Not mate, at least, not yet. Potential mate.”

Dean takes a few seconds to process that information. This all feels very sudden, and not what Dean expected to happen at all. As he thinks about everything, the feelings he had bottled up for years start coming to the surface. All of the staring, the touches, and the longing had built up into something big and terrifying. It’s a pool that Dean stands at the edge of. He knows that if he dives into it, there will be no return. 

Just as Dean is about to say what’s on his mind, the bedroom door opens, and Sam walks in. 

“Hey guys I found a- Holy shit!”

Castiel’s eyes widen and his wings curl up to his body. “Hello, Sam.”

Dean puts his hands over his face. “What did you find?”

Sam stares at Castiel, his jaw dropped. “I found a case but this is way more important. How did you bring those out, Cas?”

“I just can. They needed to be groomed.”

“Groomed?” Sam looks between Castiel and Dean, then back at Castiel. “Can I touch them?”

“No!” Castiel and Dean speak simultaneously. 

Castiel looks at Dean, then back at Sam. “No, I don’t think that would be wise. I can show them to you later.”

Sam narrows his eyes at the pair, then nods. “Alright. I’ll hold you to that, Cas. Have fun with your...grooming.” He backs out of the room and slowly closes the door. 

Dean groans. “I should have known that he was going to barge in.”

“What were you going to say?”

Dean meets Castiel’s gaze again. He swallows. The pool lingering in front of him, inviting him in. He stares into the water, and with a deep breath, he dives in. “Look, I know I’ve always been a little weird around you. We’ve had a strange relationship. We’re friends, but that’s never been enough, has it?” Dean chuckles nervously. “I know how I feel about you. You’re more than a friend to me. I’ve shoved it down for years, but I’ve always known.”

Castiel stares into Dean’s eyes a little too heavily. He glances away to nervously take Dean’s hand. “If we both know how we feel about each other, then what are we waiting for?”

Dean accepts Castiel’s hand, holding it tightly. “I don’t know. I just...I can’t lose you, Cas. I’ve already lost you a few times, and it’s too much. If we do this, I really won’t be able to lose you.”

“In all fairness, I don’t take the best care of myself. With you, I’ll try to change that. You deserve someone who plans on sticking around. You won’t lose me.”

Dean’s eyes flick from Castiel’s eyes to his lips a few times. They inch closer together, hands still holding each other tightly. Dean closes the gap and kisses Castiel, his eyes flickering shut. The moment is made that much sweeter by Castiel’s arms wrapping around him. Something tickles the back of Dean’s neck, and with a small peek, Dean sees Castiel’s wings wrapping around both of them. 

When Dean pulls back from the kiss, they’re enveloped in a feathery cocoon. Dean brushes his fingers over the feathers and smiles softly. “This...This is easier than I thought it would be.”

“What made you think it would be hard?”

“Relationships are hard for me. There’s so much to think about. Even in the beginning, like this, it’s been hard. But, it isn’t now. This is easy. It feels right.”

Castiel smiles softly back. “It does, doesn’t it?” He leans forward and kisses Dean’s cheek. 

Dean runs one hand through the feathers in front of him, eliciting a gasp from Castiel. “You seem more sensitive here.”

“Yes, the front of my wings are much more sensitive than the back.”

Dean hums and moves forwards. He swings a leg over to straddle Castiel’s waist and seats himself comfortably. He reaches forward and plunges his fingers into the feathers. 

Castiel sucks in a breath and bites his lower lip, his head falling back. His wings unwrap from around both of them.

Dean grins and continues his ministrations. He drags his hands through the silky soft feathers, dragging moans from the angel beneath him. He shifts his weight and starts grinding his ass against Castiel. “I’m sure you’re feeling a little pent up from all of this. Why don’t we relieve that?”

Castiel’s eyes open and meet Dean’s. There’s a moment of silence, and then it happens. Castiel grabs Dean by the hips and flips him over onto the bed, hovering over him with his wings spread out behind him. 

Dean stares up at Castiel with wide eyes, heat pooling in his belly from arousal. “Damn, Cas. You like to be in control?”

Castiel nods and straddles Dean’s thighs. “I think so, yes.” He leans down and presses heavy kisses along Dean’s neck. 

Dean reaches down and grabs the hem of his own shirt, pulling it off over his head. This makes Castiel pause to wait for the shirt to be out of the way before diving back in. Dean’s hands move down to grab at Castiel’s belt, unbuckling it and tossing it aside. He makes quick work of the button and zipper of Castiel’s pants, pushing them down as far as he can. 

Castiel sits up a little and grins at the marks he left on Dean’s neck and collarbones. He shifts his legs and slides out of his pants. He grabs Dean’s pants and yanks them down, the sound of seams ripping echoing through the room. 

Dean kicks his pants the rest of the way off and leans up to kiss Castiel again. His hands find the massive black wings and plunge their way into the feathers. Dean is a little less gentle now, but Castiel seems to like it. 

Castiel straddles Dean’s waist and grinds his boxer-clad crotch against Dean’s, creating a delicious friction that draws moans out of both of them. His wings are low, the primary feathers draping over the bedspread. 

Dean uses one hand to stroke the feathers of Castiel’s wing and uses the other to cup the back of his neck. Their foreheads touch and their eyes are closed. The world is small again, reducing down to just the pair of them. 

Dean lets go of the back of Castiel’s neck to reach down between them. He pulls each of their cocks out of their boxers and takes them both into his hand. He strokes them together and the pleasure is heightened. 

Castiel groans. “Dean, I’ve never...This is amazing.”

“I’m right there with you, Cas. I’m almost there.” Dean’s hand tightens unintentionally in Castiel’s feathers and it makes Castiel cry out. “Shit, did I hurt you?”

“No! God, no. Do that again.” Castiel is breathless, rolling his hips into Dean’s hand. His wings are fluttering and puffed up with arousal. 

Dean grabs a fistful of feathers and gently pulls, watching in awe of Castiel. 

Castiel lets out a shout, and light forms behind his eyes. He slaps a hand over Dean’s eyes just in time for the room to glow with a light Dean could still see behind Castiel’s hand. 

Dean squeezes his eyes shut and moans as his own climax overtakes him, flooding his body with warmth. He shudders and takes his hand away, breathing heavily. 

Castiel takes his hand off of Dean’s face and looks into his eyes with concern. “Are you okay?”

“Cas, I’m friggin’ awesome.”

Castiel smiles fondly at Dean. “I could say the same for myself.” He slowly moves off of Dean and lays down beside him. One wing stays straight out behind him, and the other gently covers him and Dean. 

Dean brushes a hand over the feathers again. “So, what now?”

Castiel hums. “I think my grace has decided that you’re my mate, so I suppose that’s where we start.”

“What does that entail?”

“You’re my life partner. Forever. I’ll follow you to heaven when your life on this earth ends, and we’ll spend eternity together.”

Dean finds Castiel’s hand and holds it tightly. “I think that sounds perfect. It’s a little scary, thinking about eternity, but eternity sounds nice when it’s spent with you.”

Castiel leans forward and kisses Dean softly. “I love you.”

Dean swallows down his fear. Those three words used to be his biggest fear, but with Castiel, it feels easy. “I love you too.”

[incarnateirony]

The start of a gallery regarding Belphegor and the guys, but including a great deal of meta and extra gifs behind the cut, including relevance explicitly to Dean and Castiel, as well as Belphegor’s mythological relevance.

Edit: Since this post is making the rounds I’ma drop in my Belphegor meta-fanvid too. The meta/extra gifs are below the vid. 

Yeah I know I’m a day late, no I don’t know if anyone has beaten me to this, I know some people beat me to talking about belphegor beyond me vagueblog screaming about him showing up on twitter with livetweets. For those who haven’t seen:

Belphegor - a Moabite god absorbed into Hebrew lore and then Christianity as a major DEMON. The name Belphegor means “lord of opening” or “lord Baal of Mt. Phegor.” As a Moabite deity, he was known as Baal-Peor and ruled over fertility and sexual power. He was worshipped in the form of a phallus. -- that giant rock he talked about worshipping, there you go.

In the KABBALAH, Belphegor was an angel in the order of principalities prior to his fall. He is one of the Togarini, “the wranglers.” He is an archdemon who is part of the demonic counterparts to the angels who rule the 10 sephirot of the Tree of Life; he rules over the sixth sephirah. He sits on a pierced chair, for excrement is his sacrificial offering. In Christian demonology, Belphegor is the incarnation of one of the SEVEN DEADLY SINS, sloth, characterized by negligence and apathy. According to St. Thomas Aquinas, all sins that arise from ignorance are caused by sloth. 

Belphegor also rules misogyny and licentious men. He emerged from HELL to investigate the marital state among humans. For a time, he lived as a man to experience sexual pleasures. Appalled, he fled back to hell, happy that intercourse between men and women did not exist there.-- here’s the big block that I find fascinating.

Gully, Rosemary. 2009. The Encyclopedia of Demons and Demonology. New York: Visionary Living, Inc., pp. 27-28.

(For more discussion of Belphegor’s history and mythology on this blog, click this link (x) but I’m mostly narrowing it down to what’s relevant for address here.)

With that out of the way, I refer you to the gallery above, which is only a fraction of what I’ve clipped from the episode.

(Edit: As new things have come to light with a rewatch, or as new thoughts come up, I’ve been reblogging this post with additions; however, at the end of the post, I’m going to make headline titles for update thresholds and include it in here as a sort of Belphegor introduction masterpost. Any time I get to glance at part of this episode again it just gets LOUDER.)

The camera work is uncanny. Castiel and Dean are repeatedly cast not only as a unit, or Sam blotted off, or divided, but of a point of focus. A few more examples:

Oh wow Belphegor really just staring at them.

Think I’m just choosing frames I like? Check back at the scene. Whenever Sam engages it’s literally from a different, peripheral shot as so:

This filming style isn’t single shots, but the entire scene. Oh, I don’t mean the entire scene, I mean the entire episode. The only place this rule wavers is when literally everybody is packed in the Impala, including when they save the mother and child, and until people decompress it’s impossible to do such controlled shots.

But then there IS when they decompress as I put in the original gallery.

Belphegor sits witness to the pain and upset over Cas, unable to look at him. And, shortly after talking about the giant penis he used to worship and flirting with Dean, asks who the child was to them after Cas has stormed out, finding out about it being their son.

At this point both Castiel and Dean have had their standoffs with Belphegor, which I side by sided in the top gallery. But Dean’s integration with Belphegor goes an entirely extra level.

We’ll handwave any deep readings about the heart of a man being needed -- but the simple fact is, as we know, this is when Dean and Belphegor encounter the white woman.

That alone is a fascinating point;

Whether you take Sam’s encounter as his serial killer fetish, or his clown phobia, or some people’s read of toxic parenting, or a combination of these -- the first two more likely to tickle the general audience -- this is clear.

Whether you take Cas’ encounter with Bloody Mary as the secret about Jack and guilt over Mary, or the secret over the Empty and general guilt over failing Jack, his connection is loudly clear.

The woman in white was a spouse betrayed by her partner and driven to madness where she killed her children and then herself -- something fairly clear if we remember the metaphorical ledge Dean was on at the end of the season that he steered away from, but the argument continues.

Blahblah *heterosexual handwave* just subtext just interpretation only the other two matter for Reasons(TM), we know how that will go. This, or the random divorce drop from the victim girls for totally inoccuous and random reasons aside, is just a worthwhile note to put in here as we consider the framing of Belphegor.

Throughout the episode, Sam has no identifiable major exchange with Belphegor. He happens to be in the vicinity, occasionally mediating Dean and Cas, or in the same car, but there is no forward led conversation, there is no personal tension or banter, and most of all there isn’t even any attempt at directorial focus. If anything, directorial blotting. Sam’s plot shines more in being a forward moving, smart hunter mediating the two here, but if we’re here to look at Belphegor--

As Castiel sadly watches the rescued mother and child go to the school, in the wake of the death of his son, Dean only tersely checks on him. It’s strained, and Castiel is left staggered, only for us yet again to find Belphegor framed into the conversation, observing, as he has through the previous shots.

Belphegor’s placement is right between Dean and Cas, leaving it almost inevitable that as we move forward, he will annex emotional territory if by trust or nuisance to dig a deeper wound and antagonize the marriage he observes dissolving in front of him, a very personal and living manifestation of their struggles for these two to overcome, and inevitably part of what will send Castiel away briefly in 15.3 as he feels himself growing more and more detached from the Winchesters -- particularly Dean, as Sam is actively still engaging with him as is typical of them but like Entertainment Weekly recently put it, Castiel does has his favorite Winchester, and they’re totally-not-going-through-divorce-waves here, just totally heterosexual brovorce, of course. 

Given considering my position of the overt and present canonicity of their relationship please note I’m only writing sarcastically towards the inevitable stupidity that haunts this fandom via anti dialogue and those that internalize it, but here it is, folks.  

If anyone wants to even try to challenge me, I invite them to find Sam drawing belphegor’s focus on any front or being framed in the shots as Castiel and Dean are here. Belphegor is ... going to be a ride, folks. Buckle up. He’s literally been observing the hunter husbands, wracked with pain over the loss of their child, in active conflict despite their lingering stance as a unit, having held his ground with both of them to feel out their pain and rage each to themselves, and left to sit, and watch, and find what dark humor he may watch from them. 

“Wanna talk about it?”

(Suggested reading: check out @tinkdw​‘s post about them dividing Cas from his humanity *ba dum chink* and focusing on his angelicness this episode) 

----

UPDATE 1

A belated addendum a few hours late I forgot to include but intended to: It has not escaped me that Dean and Cas also were both part of Belphegor’s spell casting. The aforementioned heart of a man with the trivial second ingredient of salt (truly not trivial at all in the alchemical scale of it, but that’s a topic for another time--just in SPNverse it seems weirdly easy; breaking down the alchemy in the last few seasons and the use of the salt in spell is its own essay), and the other common graveyard dirt and very conveniently angel blood. These things both created intensely powerful deus ex machinas that fall back to other points I made in the OP that are incredibly suspicious about the arrangement, and I’m more curious on if we should expect multiple parts of a spell eg reverse trials if you will or what. 

I don’t consider these things a lack in SPN spellcasting integrity in writing. I consider these warnings.

UPDATE 2

Along with updates in the original post, someone posted this clip on twitter giggling about Dean’s expression, and something else I somehow missed the first time caught my eye.

Every time Belphegor opts to observe people or turn, while he comments on beauty and appearance (or stone penises or Dean being gorgeous), beyond his individual compliment of Dean – he is turning his head at couples. Or, well, we assume couples. At Units Of Two People. The two people units are:

A woman and a woman A man and a woman A man and a man.

Outside of the vehicle Belphegor is not taking any particular time paying attention to individuals. Only duos. The two women pass in front of the hearts, and one (the woman in khaki) even gestures at it to sort of make the woman in green look.

The man and the women walk by, vaguely locking arms. 

Belphegor looks straight between these units. He leans forward, discussing people on earth being attractive. He turns and looks out the window to observe the two men now walking past the window with hearts.

Drops the comment about worshipping a giant penis, and so forth.

But the direct observation of duos, potentially queer ones literally framed in hearts in case anybody misses it for not being hetnorm, is… well, in lieu of the OP, this is. Yeah. It’s a whole thing. Holy crap.

UPDATE 3

This one isn’t necessarily big enough for a central update, and isn’t even entirely Belphegor focused as Belphegor adjacent. A friend ( @tarend ) had asked passively why bikes were so prominently featured in this episode, so here’s what I’ve found.

The green and blue bikes feature predominantly in the clown victim house from the first scene we see the garage, fairly early in the episode and every other showing until they’re extracted from the house. Often central, doorway, access, or backshadow in most shots. Trying to pin it on a single character would be ignoring the broadness of it, but the presence was enough to take note of.

Various two people units roll around with bikes of different and more muted colors.

The two dudes, one of them has a green bike and one has a grocery sack which I imagine ISN’T fruit from the tree of life.

I do find it weird and, especially since the green and blue bike collectively manage to get several shared minutes of screen time in a busy episode, I have to wonder, but I can’t find anything meaningful here without jumping to the common “green and blue” thing and a random joke-reach towards Queen which isn’t really my flavor of meta despite it even kind of matching the people passing by. The overlap is there and tangible, regardless, and passes in the background of Belphegor, so I’ll leave that here as a general sentiment. 

Compared to the above gold mine of far more overt material, if this ever was intended to be an intentional nod of some sort, I feel like it’s been overshadowed entirely by the other content which might as well have been blasted from a bull horn, but maybe someone else can find use in it in association. Aside from the street highlights in the car while Dean sits by with Belphegor, the prominent double bike placement is best witnessed rather than screenshot into eternity in any scene involving Clown House Garage.

Though I may point out the dynamic impala shot with the paired bikes in the background is immediately followed by a stroller that colllectively haunt the three people in the car, but whether I’d swear to that being intentionally syncretic, I’m unsure. But I do feel it’s worth notating.

I’m sure you all know I’m guarded about things like this fandom’s build on key colors and don’t apply it in meta outside of standard lighting theory, and generally even props are things I ignore unless they’re actual framing and blocking focuses, but the bikes do ride a line. They just lack the overall thematic story use most things I talk about do, like mystic symbols and the ilk. I would probably completely disregard this were it not for the other elements above, but now I’ll be keeping an eye on it.

UPDATE 4

Yet another thought more from @tarend than me, but his ass just about never posts so I might as well plug it into the viral post with some credit.

There seems to be painstaking effort to frame Belphegor with stop signs.

Cough

Crack aside it’s just some angle play that could be coincidence but I’m going to be throwing that out there for meta fodder for others while this spreads around until I can truly rewatch since life is seriously climbing me right now.

Tarend also points out the school was named after The Great Dissenter (Link).

I’m going to have a bit of a comparative study on Belphegor’s and Chuck’s mannerisms for consideration but life didn’t even give me 30 minutes for a video edit today much less a rewatch.

[slut-kiss-g1rl]

geostorm <3

FADE IN:

INT. COURTROOM

GERARD BUTLER is at a COURT HEARING... in the FUTURE!

GERARD BUTLER

It is the future. Natural disasters have become alarmingly commonplace. Hurricanes, mudslides, floods, you name it. The level of destruction is catastrophic.

RICHARD SCHIFF

To be clear, this is the FUTURE you’re talking about?

GERARD BUTLER

The nations of the world have finally decided to take action. So, pooling our resources, we’ve invested heavily in environmental research and clean energy, and cracked down heavily on industrial emissions standards-

(laughs and laughs and laughs)

Just kidding! We’ve built a giant orbital platform that shoots the bad weather with space missiles and space lasers, of course.

RICHARD SCHIFF

So you’re the genius who built the space station. But instead of just making you the chief engineer, which would make sense, we made you director of the whole multi-national program, despite the fact that you have no administrative skills or political experience and mostly get what you want by yelling at people and punching them in the face?

GERARD BUTLER

That’s correct, you useless government fucks. You can all lick my sweaty gonads.

(moons everybody)

RICHARD SCHIFF

You’re fired and we’re giving your job to your little brother Jim Sturgess. At least he can do a passable American accent.

GERARD BUTLER

Och, ye dinnae hae ta be a deck abote et!

INT. SPACE STATION

Engineer RICHARD REGAN PAUL is aboard the WEATHER STATION when he notices that somebody has stuck a SMARTPHONE on an important CIRCUITBOARD.

RICHARD REGAN PAUL

Oh crap, somebody’s sabotaging this hundred-trillion-dollar space program using consumer electronics! I better draw everybody’s attention to this and alert my superiors!

(falls down and hits head very hard)

Duhhhh I mean I should hide this evidence and tell nobody yessss.

He stashes the EVIDENCE, but shortly afterwards the CORRIDOR he’s walking through is SEALED and all the WALL PANELS START BLASTING OFF!

RICHARD REGAN PAUL

What the fuck? Why would we design them to be able to do that? What possible situation could arise in a space station when we’d need to get rid of the WALLS in a hurry? This makes no-

(spaced)

The SPACE STATION then proceeds to turn a bunch of VILLAGERS in AFGHANISTAN into SNOWMEN.

INT. WHITE HOUSE

JIM STURGESS is having a meeting with the movie’s entire supply of Oscar-nominated actors.

JIM STURGESS

So yeah, we kind of murdered a bunch of innocent people with a giant ice ray like Mr. Freeze, oops. We need to send up an international team of brilliant engineers to the space station to investigate what went wrong, despite the fact that there’s already an international team of brilliant engineers ON the space station.

ACADEMY AWARD NOMINEE ANDY GARCIA

No way, Jim. As the president, I can’t have foreigners touch this station which has been funded and staffed predominately by foreigners! We’ll send up Americans.

ACADEMY AWARD NOMINEE ED HARRIS

ONE American. I mean if we’re going to half-ass this thing, let’s half-ass it, y’know?

ACADEMY AWARD NOMINEE MARE WINNINGHAM

I am also in this scene for some reason.

JIM STURGESS

Ugh fine, let’s send up Gerard. It’ll take some doing though, he and I haven’t really gotten along in the vague amount of time since you gave me his job. Seriously, the timeline is super nebulous, it could have been anything between a week and five years.

ED HARRIS

I have faith you can convince him, Jim. As your father figure and mentor, you know I support you in everything, and if you ever need somebody you can implicitly trust-

JIM STURGESS

We get it, you’re the villain, whoop-de-doo.

(leaves)

EXT. LOSER SHACK

JIM goes out to see GERARD, who is hanging with his DAUGHTER.

JIM STURGESS

Hey bro, the space laser’s been acting up. Think you could pop up to space real quick and fix it? Thanks.

GERARD’S DAUGHTER

Dad, no! You can’t go back to space! It’s too dangerous! Don’t abandon me like this!

GERARD BUTLER

OH GOD NOT THIS FUCKING TROPE. Yeah, parents should never do work that takes them away from their families for any amount of time or puts themselves at risk, no matter how important it is. I’m a shitty father because I’m agreeing to go save hundreds of millions of lives, possibly including yours. Shut the fuck up, you little turd.

GERARD immediately storms off and goes to SPACE.

EXT. HONG KONG

Suddenly the movie remembers the CHINESE BOX OFFICE and cuts to HONG KONG, where DANIEL WU is heading home with some SHOPPING.

DANIEL WU

(looks around)

Aw fuck. A famous capital city in a disaster movie? This isn’t gonna end well.

Sure enough he drops some EGGS on the ground and they immediately begin to FRY!

DANIEL WU

Holy shit the ground is apparently as hot as a stovetop! You’d think this is something the people in the street would have noticed, but uh, I guess all our shoes are made entirely of thermally nonconductive silica fibreglass?

(jumps in car, speeds off)

And our tires too, don’t forget our tires!

DANIEL drives through the streets as the pavement CRACKS and FIRE erupts out of the SUPERHEATED PAVEMENT!

DANIEL WU

Damn, the space station must have done that! Not that we ever explain how geothermal energy could possibly be controlled by space lasers!

INT. SPACE STATION

GERARD arrives aboard the SPACE STATION to meet the team of ENGINEERS.

ROBERT SHEEHAN

Welcome, Gerard! I am an asshole. A smug, unlikeable asshole. The exact kind of jerk you’d think would turn out to be the saboteur. Which is kind of awkward, because I DO turn out to be the saboteur.

AMR WAKED

It’s okay, I’ll cover for you by red herringing as hard as humanly possible in every scene I’m in.

(lurks sinisterly)

ALEXANDRA MARIA LARA

Meanwhile I’m the station’s commander. I exist to be your sort-of love interest with whom you never get beyond meaningful eye contact, and to make you seem hypercompetent by standing around uselessly while you do everything important.

GERARD BUTLER

Okay then, now that everybody’s in position let’s get this 2012-but-with-weather/Gravity-except-stupid-and-with-more-explosions hybrid on the road! Bring on the barrage of gratuitous global annihilation!

ALEXANDRA MARIA LARA

Actually there’s nowhere near as much of that kind of thing as the trailers promised. But if you like scenes where someone stares at tiny gobbledegook on a computer screen and explains what plot points it discloses, we’ve got a buttload of that!

GERARD BUTLER

(puppy dog eyes)

ALEXANDRA MARIA LARA

Oh fine, here’s one to tide you over.

EXT. TOKYO

Giant hail in Tokyo!

INT. SPACE STATION

GERARD BUTLER

Ta! Now let’s look at that satellite that fried Hong Kong.

ROBERT SHEEHAN

Uh, oops, unfortunately that malfunctioning satellite got smashed beyond usefulness because the hydraulic arm which was holding it malfunctioned!

GERARD BUTLER

Fine then, let’s look at the surveillance footage from when Richard Regan Paul got spaced.

ROBERT SHEEHAN

Um well we can’t see the footage of that wall malfunction because the footage has also malfunctioned.

GERARD BUTLER

Wait though, there’s still a useable recording in a leftover bit of wall that got stuck in a solar array panel! Let’s go for a spacewalk and get it.

ROBERT SHEEHAN

Sure thing WHUH OH while you’re trying to retrieve that malfunctioning bit of wall, your space suit has malfunctioned!

GERARD BUTLER

(bouncing off every part of the space station)

HEY YOU KNOW WHAT, I’M STARTING TO THINK THAT MAAAAYBE THERE’S JUST A SMIDGE OF SABOTAGE GOING ON.

ROBERT SHEEHAN

Damnit! Turns out that by the time you’re committing sabotage to cover up your sabotage to cover up your sabotage to cover up your sabotage, it starts to get kinda obvious what you’re doing.

(pause)

Nnnnnot that I have anything to do with that. Right, Amr?

AMR WAKED

(hovers creepily at the edge of frame)

ROBERT SHEEHAN

Exactly.

GERARD retrieves the DATA from the WALL FRAGMENT, but finds that he can’t ACCESS IT.

GERARD BUTLER

Oh crap, only a high-level government official could have restricted the data like this! That means that SOMEBODY extremely high-ranking is behind all this, but we don’t know who!

ALEXANDRA MARIA LARA

It’s Ed Harris. Everybody has figured this out already.

GERARD BUTLER

I have to tell Jim about this. But they might have bugged our comms, and my message may be intercepted by whoever the traitor is.

ALEXANDRA MARIA LARA

It is quite obviously Ed Harris.

GERARD BUTLER

I better use a code.

(calls Jim)

Hey there, Jim! Just thought I’d stop in the middle of this deadly crisis to randomly reminisce. SOMEtimes I think about that old WHITE porch we used to have at our HOUSE, where our pathetic inbred ASSHOLE of a father used to get FUCKED up on tequila and whale on US with a wrench. Glad that’s all OVER.

JIM STURGESS

A high-ranking government traitor? Why that could only be-

ALEXANDRA MARIA LARA

ED HARRIS, IT’S ED HARRIS YOU IDIOTS, THERE'S NO OTHER REASON FOR HIS CHARACTER TO EXIST

JIM STURGESS

-the president! America is soon scheduled to hand control of the space station over to an international committee. The president must be causing these disasters in order to retain control!

GERARD BUTLER

Right. Because after a fuckup of this magnitude, obviously the last thing people will want to do is remove the administrators responsible for killing everybody.

JIM STURGESS

And he’s not gonna stop with these penny-ante special effect showcases, either! He’s trying to chain a bunch of them together and bring on a geostorm!

GERARD BUTLER

You mean the tiny, ugly-ass sports compact from Isuzu?

JIM STURGESS

Not a Geo Storm, a GEOSTORM! A made-up, probably impossible meteorological phenomenon where it storms everywhere on the planet at once! According to our computers, this precise sequence of weather disasters - including the ones which the space station hasn’t caused yet - will lead to a geostorm in EXACTLY the nice, round timeframe of ninety minutes!!

GERARD BUTLER

Fuck! Fine then, let’s do an emergency shutdown of the station so it can’t frag the planet. This potentially apocalyptic orbital weapons platform DOES have an emergency off switch, right?

JIM STURGESS

Well, yes... but, ha ha, it turns out it can only be activated using the president’s biometrics. So if the most dangerous thing ever made malfunctions, it can only be stopped if you can get the president into the right specific room quickly enough.

(shrugs awkwardly)

Fortunately, I have been provided with a convenient secret service girlfriend who can grab the president for us!

ABBIE CORNISH

Okay then, I’ll-

JIM STURGESS

Plot devices don’t speak, honey.

ABBIE CORNISH

Then why does this movie have any dialogue at all?

INT. DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL CONVENTION

JIM and ABBIE go to find PRESIDENT ANDY at the DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL CONVENTION in ORLANDO. But first they run into ED HARRIS.

JIM STURGESS

Ed, thank god I ran into somebody I can trust! We need to grab the president so we can shut down this Bond villain-esque weather scheme.

ED HARRIS

Uh, okay. I have the president right here in this gun. Stand still so that I might fire him at you.

JIM STURGESS

Wha - YOU?! EVIL?!? DWAAAHHH?!?!?

ED HARRIS

Don’t patronize me. Anyway, part of my plan is to set off a giant lightning storm here and kill everybody in line of succession ahead of me, so I become president!

JIM STURGESS

Are you fucking kidding me? We’ve gone to the trouble of pointing out it’s an election year! Do you honestly expect an administration that ran an environmental program so badly that it KILLED THEM ALL to get reelected?

JIM and ABBIE grab ANDY and run for it! Then a fuckton of LIGHTNING starts DESTROYING THE DNC!

BYSTANDER

Man, those Russian hackers have really stepped up their game.

(incinerated)

ABBIE CORNISH

Quickly, we can get away using this SELF-DRIVING cab we just commandeered! Since I’m driving it there might seem to be no reason for us to point out that it’s a SELF-DRIVING cab, so I guess now the audience has already figured out we’re shortly going to be pulling some trick where it SELF-DRIVES. We’ll still act like we’re being clever, though.

ED HARRIS

Chase that cab, my suicidally dedicated minions! Meanwhile I will teleport to the road ahead of them, so I can set up a rocket launcher ambush! Nothing screams “accidental death” like getting blown up by a fucking rocket launcher. FIRE!

MINION

Uh, you sure you don’t want to wait until we can see who’s driving? Disregarding any possible self-driving tricks, cabs are pretty interchangeable and that could in fact be entirely the wrong car-

ED HARRIS

I SAID FIRE!

They BLOW UP THE CAB! But then ANDY appears and shoves a GUN in ED’S FACE.

ANDY GARCIA

That’s right, we sent the empty cab driving towards you at sixty miles an hour! And now here we are, having caught up to it on foot within the next twenty seconds. My legs are KILLING ME.

ED HARRIS

Come on Andy, you should still let the geostorm happen! My theory is that the massive catastrophe which is going to demolish the face of the planet will handily attack only our political enemies and we’ll be fine!

ANDY GARCIA

Goddamn, how is it that each new layer of your motivations is even dumber than the last?

EXT. EVERYWHERE

Meanwhile DIRECTOR DEAN DEVLIN looks under the COUCH and finally finds the movie’s MISSING DISASTER EFFECTS, and they all start happening at once! Ice storms in Rio! Fire storms in Moscow! Tsunamis in the desert!

GERARD BUTLER

Opposite weather, is it? In that case I’m guessing London is currently having a pleasant sunny day HEY-OOOHHH!

ALEXANDRA MARIA LARA

But we’re not doing so great here in space either. Somebody’s set off our self-destruct system, and the station’s gonna explode in [amount of time left in which the geostorm can still be averted + just enough time for a thrilling escape]!

GERARD BUTLER

Wait a minute, according some kind of plot mumbo jumbo, the only one who could have started the self-destruct protocol is... ROBERT! You little traitor, you’re working for Ed!

ROBERT SHEEHAN

Okay okay, you’ve got me, but SURPRISE I had a gun strapped to the underside of this desk and now you haven’t got me at all, HA!

GERARD BUTLER

What was your plan if I’d confronted you in literally any other room?

ROBERT SHEEHAN

Clearly I must have guns strapped underneath every surface in the entire space station.

(opens fire)

Aw yeah, no better strategy for staying alive than shooting bullets in a room which is separated from the vacuum of space by a single pane of-

ROBERT accidentally SPACES HIMSELF! The movie does not reveal whether, in his last moments of consciousness, RICHARD’S FROZEN, ORBITING CORPSE happens to collide FOOT-FIRST with ROBERT’S CROTCH, so one is forced to assume that it DOES.

INT. SPACE STATION STOPPING ROOM

Back on EARTH, ANDY arrives in the ROOM he has to be in so that he can turn off the SPACE STATION.

ANDY GARCIA

All right, we did it! I just used my biometrics to activate the thing, so now the world is saved! Right?

JIM STURGESS

Actually Gerard still has to get to another specific room on the station itself and press a big “YES” button for it to actually work.

ANDY GARCIA

OF COURSE. What was I thinking, we can’t let this emergency shutdown be activated merely by having the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED FUCKING STATES TURN IT ON WITH HIS OWN SPECIAL BODY SCAN. No, we need the extra, mega-secure step of having some engineer click “confirm”!

JIM STURGESS

Look, we wanted to do the president kidnapping scene but still give Gerard a big action climax, this was the only way.

In SPACE, GERARD and ALEXANDRA make it to the SPECIAL ROOM, shut down the SPACE STATION and SAVE THE WORLD!

ALEXANDRA MARIA LARA

Phew, and with one second left to go! That’s right, because we turned off the weather machine when we did all the bad weather instantly cleared up; but if it had gone on for even one more second it would have become a global superstorm which would have wiped out most of humanity. What a sensible premise!

GERARD BUTLER

Unfortunately while we were able to get everybody else off the station, there’s no time left for you and I to escape. But I knew this when I stayed behind. I may not have been a good father, but I hope my daughter can at least appreciate the sacrifice I made by dying in space in order to save-

ALEXANDRA MARIA LARA

Are you seriously copying Bruce Willis’s death from Armageddon?

GERARD BUTLER

Oh FUCK you’re right. Screw it, let’s just jump in a spare satellite and fly to safety then.

ALEXANDRA MARIA LARA

Hooray! I’m not even gonna ask why a weather satellite has room inside it for passengers!

They HOP ABOARD the SPACE EX MACHINA and fly away!

EXT. LOSER SHACK

Months later, GERARD, JIM and GERARD’S ANNOYING DAUGHTER are all hanging out and fishing.

GERARD BUTLER

Neat, our family’s come un-estranged! What a happy ending. Why if we keep the focus on stuff like this, and the fact that in Brazil the dog didn’t die, we can ignore the fact that millions of people just got horribly murdered!

JIM STURGESS

And the rebuilt space station is now in international hands as intended, and they’re gonna make sure none of this can ever-

GERARD BUTLER

Wait, what the fuck? They’re doing the space station again? After the last one turned out to be a city-destroying death ray which could be commandeered by a single nerd with a smartphone? That’s the least plausible ending this movie could have possibly had!

JIM STURGESS

Uh huh. Yeah, I’m sure in real life politicians the world over would instead start seriously committing themselves to environmental policy. Hmmm?

GERARD BUTLER

...Okay yeah this way’s more realistic.

---------------

>:(

[galactic-academia]

hello! hope you are doing alright, could i request #31 with sherlock please if you are taking requests at the moment. thankyou!

Hey! I’m fine, thanks. I’m sorry for keeping you waiting, I just finished my exams and, to be completely honest with you, I really didn’t know how I would fulfill this prompt… So, I did my best and I really hope you will enjoy it anyway

Rating: G

Category: F/M

Fandom: Sherlock (BBC)

Relationship: Sherlock Holmes/Female Reader

Tags: Light Angst, Protective Sherlock, Lestrade Does His Best, Donovan Is A *****, First Kiss.

Words: 1464

Notes: I’m not a native, please, forgive my mistakes. Picture is not mine. I hope you will enjoy it

Masterpost | Ask | Guidelines | Sherlock (BBC) Masterlist

When Y/N had become Detective Lestrade’s trainee, she was thrilled and neither the paperwork nor the impossible schedules would have made her change her mind.Lestrade was very kind, explaining her what she needed to know, to do, how to deal with everyone, everything, with a holy patience. And, God, patience he needed: Y/N was nice and clever, eager to learn but she was also the clumsiest person Lestrade had ever known. Last week, when she had toppled the pile of folders on Donovan’s desk, the Detective Sergeant had yelled at her so badly that the new trainee had flew to hide behind her mentor. Clumsy, shy, adorable… Nothing to become a good cop.

But Lestrade still had had to do his work, criminals weren’t so kind to behave while he was forming his new protegee. And this new case seemed to want to be a baffling problem. Of course, he knew what he needed to do: calling Sherlock. But he was also afraid of the encounter between Y/N and the only one Consulting Detective, only God knew what he would be able to tell his little trainee and Lestrade didn’t want her to be traumatized. Well… She was here to learn, wasn’t she?

“Ok, listen to me Y/N…”

“Yes, Detective.”

The young woman was already ready to take notes.

“Hum… What did I tell you to do when you find yourself in troubles you’re unable to solve?”

“Calling someone to help me: two heads are better than one.”

“Exactly. And this is what I’ve done. I’ve called a friend of mine to help me figuring on our latest case, ok?”

“Sure.”

“But he’s a little… Special? Don’t be afraid of him, he won’t hurt you. You may don’t believe it at first, but he’s a very good guy, ok? Just… If he says bad things to you… Well… Don’t listen to him?”

“O… Ok…”

“Fine, everything will be fine, so…”

“What is it Lestrade? A mysterious robbery? A puzzling threat? A murder? Several murders? Criminals of London had been so lazy lately! That’s a shame.”

Well… Detective Lestrade could have dreamed of better way to introduce Sherlock Holmes to Y/N; she was already looking at him with a puzzled face. But it could have been worse, far, far worse. Twenty minutes later, Lestrade, Donovan, Sherlock and Y/N were on the crime scene and the situation was beginning to be less and less manageable for the Detective Inspector. In one hand, he was trying to understand what the Consulting Detective was rambling about, in the other hand, he was keeping an eye on Y/N in order to a) write her report to the Police Academy b) keep her from doing something silly. And do you think Donovan would help him in these tasks? Nooo, absolutely not! She was far too busy bitching about “freaks and half-witted trainees”.

When, while taking notes and following Lestrade everywhere, Y/N almost stepped on the corpse for the fourth time, Sherlock, who was then crouching next to the said corpse, suddenly looked up to her. He got up and towered her from all his height. Crap. Crap, crap, crap, crap, CRAP! Poor little Y/N was going to be eaten alive by the dark and icy Detective! Seeming to understand her destiny, Y/N gasped under Sherlock’s gaze and ran to hide herself behind her mentor, who was, now, slightly lost.

“What’s that?”

It took several seconds for Lestrade to understand Sherlock was talking to him. What he was talking about, on the other hand…

“What?”

“What’s that?”

“What’s that what?”

“Behind you.”

There were only two things behind the Detective Inspector: the door and Y/N. Since it was reasonably presumable that Sherlock actually knew what a door was, Lestrade thought he was talking about Y/N.

“Ah. Not ��what”, “who”. This is Y/N, my trainee.”

Sherlock threw a dubious glance to the young lady whose head was half curiously half scarily peaking behind Lestrade’s shoulder before mumbling a vague “…K.” and returning to the task at hand.

When Lestrade was sure the incident was over, he turned towards Y/N and tell her to go back to the car, he wanted to be able to read her notes when they would be back to the HQ. She has been very lucky to avoid the Consulting Detective’s fury. He wasn’t usually this lax when people were messing around his crime scene. A second miracle like that wouldn’t happen.

***

This incident could have been forgotten if the murder for which Lestrade had had to call Sherlock hadn’t been the first of several others. Serial killer; yes, it’s Christmas, we know. Since who says “serial killer” says “Sherlock on ninth cloud and very eager to solve the mystery”, Lestrade and his trainee were constantly running between Baker Street, Scotland Yard HQ and crime scenes. It wouldn’t have been a problem – that was their job, after all – if Y/N didn’t become the embodiment of the hearts eyed smiley each time the Detective appeared. It was unsubtle, awkward and really unprofessional. Lestrade should have bawl Y/N out, she was here to learn not to foolishly fall in love with the first of the class who, out of luck, would notice, make fun of her and break her heart! But Lestrade was also very soft and protective, so, when he realised that Sherlock was just passing over Y/N, he decided that either she would understand by herself that her love was unrequited or the end of her traineeship would mean the end of this one-side love story. He only tried to explain to his trainee that, well… How to say? Sherlock wasn’t a man for her? And it wasn’t because of her, no, no, he was a man for no one, that’s all. That hope was, in this case, a loss of time and energy. The only answer he got was Y/N’s suddenly sad face flushing deeply. He was right and she knew it, there was nothing more to say.

Lestrade had been very pleased to note his trainee had listened to him: the next time they ended at Baker Street, she kept her eyes down and sat down on a chair, taking notes, without trying to draw the Sherlock’s attention. So, the Detective Inspector had been very startled when he had heard the supposedly high functioning sociopath shout:

“Stop biting that fucking lip!”

A shocked silence felt on the flat. Lestrade, the eyes round like saucers, saw the penetrating glare Sherlock was giving to Y/N. He also saw Y/N shrivelling on her chair and was about to sound Sherlock off when this last started again, far softer:

“Stop biting that fucking lip, because it makes me crave to kiss your teeth away, what is stopping me from focusing and I really need to focus because lives are at stake.”

If possible, the silence which followed this statement was even more shocked than before, but it was nothing compared to the one which followed Sherlock’s tender kiss to Y/N’s lips.

“I tried to take no heed in you, but it didn’t work, maybe the exact opposite will?”

***

Six months later, when Y/N came in his office, Sherlock on her heels, proudly waving her degree under his nose, the only thing he was surprised about was the fact that Sherlock had let Y/N became a true constable. He was so overprotective with her, always so soft when he was talking to her, always so tender in every move towards her, like she was a fragile doll anything a little curt would broke, he has such harass Lestrade for him to be sure she was safe during the rest of her traineeship and then the instructor at the Police Academy – promising all his dirty secrets would be disclosed if anything happened to his sweet baby girl – it was a miracle that he let her join the police, criminal section of Scotland Yard, in addition!

Then, Lestrade found some logic in there: Y/N would never be alone, always under his or Sherlock’s protection; probably both. She just had the perfect profession for him always keeping an eye on her, she would always, always be safe. Looking to the couple in front of him, the Detective Inspector shuddered thinking about what would happen if Y/N was hurt; Sherlock had been deprived of the hope of love for too long, he wouldn’t let anything happen to his girlfriend, at no cost. And if something should happen to her anyway, Hell would be released on the culprit. That was what Lestrade understood by the sparkle in Sherlock’s eyes. If he was Donovan, he would be very, very careful.

***

Thanks for reading

[artyrogue]

Blind Date Gaming: Konami GB Collection Vol. 3

Boy, I am WIPED after my date last night. It all started out as it usually does -- a quick visit to PRANG for an introduction to my next potential video game suitor. Who could have guessed that I would served up 4 dates! They all came together at once under the guise of Konami GB Collection Vol. 3.

I was greeted at first by an anime schoolgirl with a huge hand and quite possibly a contender for the weirdest hairstyles I've seen in a while. What is that, a grass-inspired mohawk laid over top a normal haircut?

Is this what the cows that make cowlicks eat?

What happened next was an eventful set of speed dates. This onslaught left me with no down time, thus the exhaustion. However, I did end up meeting some nice games. I'll speed through them each quick-like to keep this from being overly long. Luckily each of the games are pretty short (as expected from Game Boy games)!

First up is Gradius II! Now, I've never actually played a Gradius game, so I can't say if this is a port, some reconfigured version of Gradius II, or what. What I CAN say is that it has tight controls, beautiful graphics, interesting bosses, and some fun gameplay.

Looks like a rocky magic 8 ball

You start off hangin' out with what I assume are your dad and mom starships. Aww, family time! Soon, however, someone decks your old man and blasts your momma fulla lasers. Obviously disturbed, you fly forward and get chased by the perpetrator through a buncha rocks until you escape.

Good thing this guy doesn't feel like firing at me for whatever reason

...Except you kind of don't? You end up going through a bunch of planetary landscapes, shootin' dudes and grabbin' powerups that let you fire lasers and stuff. Pew pew! You eventually get captured, break out, and summarily fly through a ship, an asteroid belt, and I think some alien's guts? I'm not sure; I never went to med school for interplanetary digestive systems. Bosses fight you at every turn, and they are so sweet. Like, I don't always know what I'm attacking, but it just looks so cool that I really don't care!

Ever want to fight a kneeling, fanged alien stuck in a wall with detachable mouthy-brains? Yeah, well now you do, obviously!

In the end you find the enemy ship that assassinated your nuclear family with nuclear weapons, commit your own brand of galactic revenge, and I assume go on with your day in a half-arsed way, never addressing the journey you just went through for fear of sparking up some majorly weird PTSD.

Next up is some Castlevania game! It claims to be Castlevania II, but don't think it's Simon's Quest since it doesn't have slow-scrolling text boxes telling me that night is a poor time to explore the world when suffering from a magical adversary's angry sentiments. Instead, you just go about whippin' junk. Alright, I can be a lion tamer for the undead.

Why do cultists always gotta wear hoods? Can't they wear like a polo and some comfy slacks?

So in this installment, you can apparently shoot fireballs from a fully-upgraded whip, so it's instantly MUCH easier than most Castelvania games. The list of enemies is kind of lacking, but it was enough to feel competent. The level design was pretty spot-on, which is par for the course, though for some reason this game has a love affair with ropes? They're EVERYWHERE, but there's enough variation in the levels to give them pass. For example, some areas have auto-directional-pulling ropes, some ropes are spider webs made by enemies, some require quick sliding to avoid obstacles, etc.

You gotta wonder, does the guy living here have to go through all these traps every day just to get his mail? And how does he carry groceries back to his (probably rope-decorated) kitchen?

The boss fights were definitely memorable. Some of their designs were flat-out brilliant, and they were all pretty fun! Your sub-weapons weren't really that useful here, but that's fine. The bosses, too, were made a little easier with the projectile whip, but the designers struck a good balance between fun and hard.

These guys shoot out vertebrae in an arc, transferring them from one head to the other. I don't have a quip here, it was just a stupidly awesome designed boss that I wanted to gush about for a bit!

Well, perhaps I spoke too soon. The bosses were all fun except for the last 3 in the game. Allow me to whine and complain about them for a bit, if you will! The first was a tunneling snake on a forced scrolling screen that made you take damage unless you memorized where he was going to surface next (I HATE memorization-by-death gameplay). The next was a fellow Belmont who would relentlessly whip the crap outta you, throw swords all over the screen, and would probably be nigh impossible if I didn't have Holy Water. The final was Dracula, who I suppose gets a pass for being hard since he was the final boss...but he, too, was pretty much a memorization-by-death fight, too. The dude has 6 orbs revolving around him that spread out, essentially making 85% of the screen unsafe. Unless you know the specific spot to crouch down for the given position he's in, you get hurt, and you get hurt pretty badly. Oh, and you can really only hit him once per attack, so you'd better learn the safe spots for all 8 of his attack spots and hope you can hurt him and get into your safe position before taking damage.

ouch ouch ouch OUCH

In the end, it was overall a pretty fun time. Konami definitely knows how to make a good sidescrolling action game, which is probably why they're half of the name of the 'Metroidvania' genre. Go team Belmont!

Next up: Yie Ar Kung~Fu! What is this? I've never heard of it. It's a simple fighting game where you face off against 5 fighters, each with their own weapons and special moves. You play as a normal weaponless guy who can only kick and punch, because that's fair? Regardless, you must persevere through 4 rounds of these 5 fights, each time with your foes getting slightly harder.

Mmyep, this is fair.

My trademark fighting game strategy of sweeping seems to work for the most part, though as the difficulty ramps up, the other fighters move with ridiculous speed between attacks. Eventually, the game just becomes 100% about approaching a foe with more range than you, which obviously is the main focus of fighting games. What's that? Combos? Pffft, those are lame, just have the enemies fly across the ring like a sugar-high Jack Russel Terrier.

So this guy's power is to propel himself like a missile and look like an absolute goon while doing so

There's also a mini-game where you hit things thrown at you, but like they show up so quickly and your animation speed is so slow that it's impossible to do very well. It was an okay game overall, though, but I can sort of see why it isn't as well-known as Gradius or Castlevania.

Last game: Antarctic Adventure! It's a penguin-based racing game! I think? Does this count as a racing game? Well, you race against the clock, so sure. You gotta move at top speed through an icy wasteland, avoiding sea lions and holes in the ice.

I like how this sea lion looks after getting plastered in the face by a penguin moving at ~120 km/hr. Is he in shock? Is he alive? Should I notify his next of kin?

The lore is actually pretty deep in this game. The world has fallen into ruin due to global warming, and the glacier sheets on Antarctica are slowly melting away. As a penguin trained in espionage and terrorism, you must travel to the different embassies that many countries have propped up in an attempt to stake a claim in possibly the only livable area in the near future.

The french are planning to build replicas of their famous landmarks here, like the Ice-full Tower and Arctic de Triomphe.

You're not exactly racing as much as you are keeping ahead of the authorities pursuing you for planting bombs in the embassies. If you successfully plant your payloads in all of the embassies across all of Antarctica, you destroy their chances of bringing cultural imperialism to the local wildlife. Your customs are at stake! You must cast your empathy aside for the greater good of penguin-kind!

Also, you can sometimes turn into a helicopter? Not sure what that was about.

Okay, okay, yeah, I may have embellished a bit there. No, it's not as cool as that. You just run from one place to the next and heck if I'll ever find out why miscellaneous countries happen to have little castles in a barren arctic wasteland. People's taxes at work, I guess!

Oh right, there's also a fifth option on the main menu. It's Ms. O.C. Anime Girl explaining things about the games to you. I can't read anything she's saying, though, so I can only imagine the shady koala statue in the back has some relevance to her dialogue.

So that ends an exhausting series of dates. Whew! Glad you toughed it out with me. As I've completed all of the games this time, I didn't think another date was warranted. However, Gradius and Castlevania were fun enough to say that sure, I guess, it's worth going on another date in the future. Maybe it'd be better to find the original games, though, instead of this particular port. I can only assume the extra screen real estate, better sound effects, and greater ROM size would only enhance their experiences. And speaking of experiences, grab a Sprite of Passage from the jar over there on your way out! It's mint-flavored and can double as a water purification tab if you're ever stuck somewhere in the wilderness!

Man, I would kill to watch a skeleton ballet

[winterisakillerwrites]

Of Books and the Fine Art of Flirting

One Shot: Last Minutes & Lost Evenings 3/16

Character/Relationship: Tom Hiddleston/ Rosemary Mathews (OFC)

Genre: Romance

Summary: Of all the things that could happen when she was already running late, a chance encounter with a handsome, and oddly familiar, stranger was the last thing she’d expected.

Rating: PG

Warnings/Authors Notes: This is the third part of Last Minutes & Lost Evenings, this series is currently on-going and will flit back and forth between past, present and future.

Previous

Late. Late. Fucking Christ almighty, she was late.

Not for the first time Rosemary cursed the latest rounds of improvements on the Underground. What should have taken her no more than half an hour ended up costing her nearly double. That would teach her to save her errand running until the last minute. Well probably not, but still she could hope that one day she would start to learn from the error of her ways. She fumbled her phone out of her coat pocket, sending Jules a quick text apologizing profusely for her delay. Whether nor not the text would be seen before she made it in was another story.

The train rolled to a stop and she pushed her way out of the carriage following the wave of people heading for the exit mindlessly. It was only about a fifteen minute walk from the station to the shop, less if she put some effort into it. And it seemed today was destined to be one of those days.

“Excuse me, miss,” the smooth voice caught her off guard and she whirled around to face it, nearly knocking into the tall form behind her. “Whoa, steady there.” His hands were large and so very warm, even through the bulk of her winter coat. It took her a few moments to catch her bearings.

He was utterly gorgeous; a good head taller than she was, his dark auburn hair was just long enough to be considered unkempt, a few errant curls gathering around his ears; straight nose, sharp jaw and chin covered in a few days’ worth of stubble. But it was his eyes, a stunning mix of blue and green, which seemed to root her where she stood. There was something familiar about him, but fuck if she could put her finger on why.

The silence that brought her back was punctuated with the man’s expectant stare. Good God, you could get lost in his eyes for days. “I’m sorry, what?” She stammered, feeling like an absolute tit. He obviously continued talking while she gapped at him like an idiot.

If she thought his eyes were stunning, it was nothing compared to his smile. “I was just saying you dropped this back there, darling. I didn’t want you to lose it.” He held out a lone black glove. She looked at it perplexed; her hands automatically going for the pockets of her coat…where only one of her gloves remained.

“Well shit.” She stifled a giggle. God she must sound like a complete and utter moron. What the hell was wrong with her? “Thank you. You’re a lifesaver.”

He smiled again as she took the glove from him. “One of my many talents.”

And then it hit her. “Holy shit, you’re Tom Hiddleston!” The words flew from her mouth of their own accord. She could have kicked herself, repeatedly, when her brain caught up with her words. Of all the stupid things to say. “God, I’m sorry that was terribly rude. I just…”

If Tom had been fazed at all by her outburst, the man hid it well. His smile never wavered and neither did his eye contact. Dear lord, does he not realize what that does to people? “That’s me. And may I have the pleasure of your name?”

She blinked at him. Good God he’s smooth. “Sorry. I don’t know where my head is today. I’m Rosemary. Mathews.” She stuck her hand out, an automatic gesture that left her feeling ridiculous, and before she could second guess her actions he took it in his own. Tom’s grip was firm and she noted, with a wry humor, that his hand dwarfed her own.

“Very nice to meet you Rosemary Mathews.”

The ringing of his phone pulled Tom’s attention from her. He held up a hand in apology as he answered. “Hello?”

Figuring that now was probably the best time to make a hasty retreat before she risked embarrassing herself further, she waved a small farewell and turned to continue on her journey. She thought she heard him utter a protest but didn’t dare turn back around. No. Besides she was running late as it was.

She risked a glance at her watch. Fuck, Jules was really going to kill her this time.

Ten winded minutes later she shoved open the wooden door to Stories Untold, offering the red headed woman standing behind the counter an apologetic smile. The small shop had been officially hers for nearly three years now, though she had managed it for nearly four years prior. Rosemary still had trouble believing that it was truly hers. Jules had been working with her, and now for her exclusively, nearly the entire time. Jules was the closest thing Rosemary had to a sister and their relationship certainly reflected that. “I am so sorry.” Her words were met with Jules’ stern stare.

“And just what took you so long?” The smirk on Jules’ face told Rosemary that she wasn’t as cross as she seemed. But that did not mean she wouldn’t be raked over the coals for a bit in the meantime. Jules was punctual to a fault, especially when her weekly date night was involved.

Rosemary through her hands up in supplication, “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

Jules quirked an eyebrow. “Try me.”

Taking a deep breath, Rosemary explained her awkward and embarrassing encounter with Tom Hiddleston. Jules eyes widened comically as the story unraveled. The urge to simultaneously cringe and curl into a ball only intensified in the retelling. Jesus, she’d been a right idiot.

“You’re telling me you just fucking walked away?” The incredulity in Jules’ eyes stung more than she cared to admit.

Rosemary paced back and forth across the carpeted floor. “What else was I supposed to do? I’d already made a right fool of myself. It was safer for all involved if I scarpered. I mean my God, I actually told him who he was to his face! Who the hell does that?”

“You, apparently.” Jules barked a laugh at the glare Rosemary shot her. Once she had regained her composure she continued, “You could have waited until he got off the phone like a normal person. Maybe chatted him up…”

“Yeah, because that would have gone down well at the rate I was going. Besides he was just being nice. I’m the twit who dropped her glove.” She shrugged half-heartedly. “It doesn’t matter now, anyway. At least I got an interesting story out of it.”

Jules rolled her eyes. “You are ridiculous, you know that?”

“Don’t you have somewhere to be?”

“Ha, aren’t you quite the comedian.” Jules shrugged into her coat, still laughing as she settled her bag onto her shoulder. “I still can’t believe…”  

Rosemary waved her opened hands toward the door. “Go. Get. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Fine, fine. I know when I’m not wanted.” She waved, making her way out the door into the frigid air of the early evening. Alone again, Rosemary took a deep breath and lost herself in the million small tasks of the shop around her. There was something calming about completing mundane tasks, the way they allowed you to simply be, and she relished in it. Hours could easily pass with barely a hint of recognition. And, truth be told, they often did.

She heard the soft chime of the bell on the shop door. “Hello, welcome to Stories Untold, is there anything I can help you find today?” She called, head bent to the task of price labeling the newest batch of books. Soft footsteps sounded on the carpet as the newest patron slowly made their way around the shop.

“Well, hello again.”

Rosemary felt her heart stutter at the familiar voice. You have got to be kidding me. She took a deep breath and raised her head, plastering a smile on her face. Tom Hiddleston stood a few paces from the counter, soft smile spread across his face, eyes bright. He gave her a knowing look, “You disappeared earlier.”

She shrugged good-naturedly, trying to salvage the last remnants of her meager dignity. “Duty called. Besides you were otherwise occupied and I don’t make a habit of listening in to others phone calls, famous or not.”

He had the good grace to look slightly abashed, “Fair enough.”

“Is there anything in particular that’s brought you here?” She cringed internally. That had come out far less polite than she’d intended.

Tom shook his head, “Just browsing. Though I must say it’s a nice surprise finding you here.”

“Is it now?” Rosemary had no idea just where the hell that had come from. She didn’t flirt as a rule. Mainly because try as she might she seemed to be utter crap at it. Why her brain decided that now would be the best time to give it another go, she couldn’t understand. Well, she thought, when in Rome…

It wasn’t the most painfully awkward thing she’d ever done, but she couldn’t deny she felt like a prize idiot. He wasn’t running though, so that had to mean something. Even if it was just that he was a nice guy who dealt with such things on a semi-regular basis. Their conversation had centered mainly on books, not the most inspired of conversations given the setting, and she soon found herself genuinely enjoying their banter. He was intelligent, but not arrogant, and genuinely seemed to care about her thoughts and ideas. She quickly discovered that once he got himself started on a topic he enjoyed it was damn near impossible to stop him.  

She found herself watching him intently as he talked. Taking in the way his hands seemed to fly wildly of their own accord, the intensity in his eyes. He was utterly fascinating and completely unnerving. He paused briefly in his current monologue, absently rubbing the back of his neck. He took a deep breath and smiled almost sheepishly, “I’d like to take you out…For coffee, that is.” He coughed once. “If you’re interested.”

His sudden nervousness was both adorable and completely incomprehensible and it caught her momentarily off guard. “Coffee?” she repeated.

“Or tea,” he quickly added, eyes widening, “If coffee isn’t your thing.”

Rosemary bit back the nervous chuckle that threatened to erupt from her throat. She nodded, trying to get her brain to engage properly with her mouth. It took several moments. “Yes. Yes, coffee sounds wonderful.”

Next

[imaginedisish]

Just Like Heaven (Colin Ritman x Reader) (Bandersnatch)

A/N: It felt so good to write again. Holy CRAP I MISSED IT. Please give me some requests! This wasn’t a request someone gave me, but something I actually requested another fic writer to write. I don’t even remember who…but enjoy! (ps I had so much trouble staying in the present tense. it’s soooo much easier and comfortable to write in the past tense like woah) (and yes this is a The Cure reference for all my New Wave fans) (Also it’s 2:28am where I’m at so if there are grammar mistakes and mess ups and stuff i’m SO SORRY)

Warnings: Some language, references to drug use, overload of fluff?? I think that’s it. 

Summary: AU!(idk when)Colin picks you up from dance, and to your surprise comes in to watch. Things get…interesting to say the least. (word count: 1,617 i think)

“Come on ladies! Hit those turns!” That was practically all your teacher screamed throughout class. You couldn’t wait to get out of dance; Colin was picking you up. You two had been dating for a short while now, but it felt like you’d known him your whole life. It was something special, something you had never felt with anyone else before him. 

You looked over to the clock. It was 3:25. Just five minutes left, you reminded yourself. Five minutes until you were with Colin. 

On the same wall as the clock was a cheap, one way mirror. Your dance studio owner put it there so parents with younger children could watch their kids dance during class without distracting the kids. It was completely useless, since you could easily make out shadows and shapes through it, sometimes even whole people, which entirely defeated its intended purpose. 

Suddenly, you hear the studio door creak open. Through the fake one way mirror, a tall, slender figure waltzes into the lobby, and sits down on the sofa. You could make out his shape from a mile away. 

It was Colin. 

He adjusts his glasses, and leans back. It’s almost clear that he’s making eye contact with you. He smirks, and slowly places his hands behind his head. 

Oh god no, today of all days he decides to come in, you think to yourself. You weren’t on your game at all today. Your pirouettes were totally off, your grand jetes were not as high as usual, and your fouettes were a sloppy mess. You expected more from yourself, especially since you were the lead in the dance. 

“(Y/N)!” Your head spins to face your dance teacher. “We are going from the top! Are you going to stop staring into space and focus now?” Heat flushed to your cheeks from the embarrassment of being screamed at by your teacher, but you nodded, accepting your mistake nevertheless. 

You took your position in the center of the room, and began to prepare yourself for the beginning of the number. Please don’t suck this time…please just do things right…do. not. fuck. up, you thought to yourself. 

The music began to play, and you tried your best to concentrate. The number was “Cell Block Tango” from Chicago. The way your teacher choreographed it was relatively raunchy, more raunchy than the original, and you were almost nervous for Colin to watch it. However, you seemed to be doing better this time than any other time before. 

“Pop! Six! Squish! Uh uh! Cicero! Lipschitz!” You fluidly moved across the black floor, hitting every pose, every position, every jump and every turn much better than you had been before Colin’s appearance.

The music slowed down, and it was time for your section. Your heart jumped into your throat. 

“My sister, Veronica and I had this double act, and my husband, Charlie, traveled round with us…” You continued, sexily strutting across the floor, executing every move with relative ease, all while lip-sinking to the mirror as if it was the audience. Even the other girls in your class were entranced by your performance. 

“I come back, open the door, and there's Veronica and Charlie, doing number seventeen…” you nail a triple pirouette, “…the spread eagle,” and then slowly slide down into a perfect, yet suggestive split. You continued on, pushing through the center split and onto your stomach, and rolling over to stand up. 

The rest of the dance went on relatively well. Still, you knew you could’ve done better. 

“Good job today ladies!” Your teacher exclaims as you grab your things to leave the studio. Her compliment most definitely did not apply to you, you think to yourself. “Keep practicing at home!” But that one most definitely did.

Your class thanks the teacher, and quickly rushes out the door. You walk down the hallway and spot Colin’s platinum blonde hair among the crowd of ponytails and buns that had flooded the grey lobby in a hurry to leave the building. 

Colin makes eye contact with you, and immediately smiles widely. He waves, and you wave back. 

Eventually, after pushing through some of the bunheads in your class, you make it to Colin. You fall into his arms almost instantly, groaning in exhaustion and annoyance. He wraps his arms around you in return, kissing the crown of your head lightly. 

“I’m sorry, I must be a sweaty, disgusting mess,” You giggle into Colin’s chest. 

“Do you really think I care?” He says back to you sarcastically. You can’t help but smile at his remark. He pulls you away from him, grabs your hand, and guides you through the sea of dancers that stand in the lobby. 

You and Colin make your way through the parking lot, and walk towards Colin’s lime green, vintage 1983 Ford Capri S. He loves that car way too much, but there’s just something about it that screams Colin. 

He quickly runs in front of you, and opens the car door for you. 

“I can open doors for myself, you know. This isn’t the 1800s, Colin,” You remark, smirking at your wittiness. 

“I can’t be a gentleman for once?” Colin says, rolling his eyes jokingly, waiting for you to get into the car so that he could close the door. He closes the door for you, and cooly slides over the hood of the car to get to the other side.

Once he’s in the car, he places “Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me,” by The Cure on cassette into the cassette player. You were amazed that he was able to find the album on tape, given the fact that it was hard to find in any other medium. But of course, it was Colin, and he never ceased to amaze you in the first place. He pulls out of the parking spot, and begins drive away from the studio.

“I didn’t want to say it in there, I figured the brainless bunheads would flip their shit,” Colin says, laughing, “but my god you were absolutely amazing in that dance!” Colin exclaims, beaming with happiness. You shook your head. You were so disappointed in your performance, it was probably the worst you had danced in a while. 

“I’ve done it so much better before, Colin. And at least five of those brainless bunheads are more talented than I’ll ever be,” you say back to him as you approach a red light.

Then, you feel his hand on your thigh. His face turns to face yours. 

“That’s impossible. You have to see the bigger picture. You have more stage presence than any other girl in that room. You stand out. You’re so special, (Y/N), you’re incredible,” the corners of his mouth slowly curl up into a kind grin. He’s so amazing, just so spectacularly perfect, you think to yourself.

Even when you feel like you are at your worst, Colin makes you feel like you are at your best. He’s addicting, a drug you can never get enough of. No. In fact, he is better than getting high, even though you two do that from time to time together. 

You smile back up at him. Before you can even think about what to say next, the words spill out of your mouth.

“This is why I’m in love with you.” It isn’t until after you say those words that you realize the impact of what you just said. Neither of you have said the “L” word yet. It was something you just haven’t gotten to. Colin glares at you, showing no real emotion. 

You internally face palm, feeling like you just made the biggest mistake of your life. Of course Colin doesn’t love you. There was no way he could ever love you. It was impossible. He was just too perfect. You were about to cry, right here, right now, in THE Colin Ritman’s car, on THE Colin Ritman’s vintage leather seats.

His eyes refuse to leave yours, his hand still on your thigh. You turn away from him in embarrassment. You feel heat creeping up your cheeks. You didn’t have to look in a mirror to tell your face was growing indescribably red. 

“Green light,” You state factually, trying to ignore your mistake. 

Colin was still saying nothing. He hadn’t move the car yet either. He just continued to stare at you. You turn to face him again, tears filling your eyes. 

“I’m sorry,” You choke. “I know it’s early. I shouldn’t have said anything. I get it and i- ” Before you could finish your sentence, Colin takes his hand off your thigh, and places your chin between his index finger and his thumb. His eyes look down to your lips, and he captures them in an intense, passionate kiss that would make any girl melt. 

He pulls away, looking deeply into your eyes. You search his crystal, blue eyes for some sort of an answer.

“Never apologize for saying that, ever,” Colin commanded. “Do you understand?” 

You nod in reply. 

“Because,” Colin pauses, swallowing, his adams apple bobbing, “because I’m in love with you.”

He pauses for a second. Then, he cups your cheeks, pulling you into another long, slow, and passionate kiss. You wish the kiss could last forever, but it’s cut short by the honking of a horn from the car behind you. 

Colin cranks down the window, and nonchalantly sticks a middle finger out. 

“Colin!” You try reprimanding him, but it’s no use. Colin simply chuckles loudly, and you laugh with him. He finally takes his foot off the break, and begins to drive again. 

Just like heaven, you think to yourself. 

It really was…it was just like heaven. 

[winterisakiller]

Of Books and the Fine Art of Flirting

One Shot: Last Minutes and Lost Evenings 3/16

Character/Relationship: Tom Hiddleston/ Rosemary Mathews (OFC)

Genre: Romance

Summary: Of all the things that could happen when she was already running late, a chance encounter with a handsome, and oddly familiar, stranger was the last thing she’d expected.

Rating: PG

Warnings/Authors Notes: This is the third part of Last Minutes and Lost Evenings, this series is currently on-going and will flit back and forth between past, present and future.

Previous

Late. Late. Fucking Christ almighty, she was late.

 Not for the first time Rosemary cursed the latest rounds of improvements on the Underground. What should have taken her no more than half an hour ended up costing her nearly double. That would teach her to save her errand running until the last minute. Well probably not, but still she could hope that one day she would start to learn from the error of her ways. She fumbled her phone out of her coat pocket, sending Jules a quick text apologizing profusely for her delay. Whether nor not the text would be seen before she made it in was another story.

 The train rolled to a stop and she pushed her way out of the carriage following the wave of people heading for the exit mindlessly. It was only about a fifteen minute walk from the station to the shop, less if she put some effort into it. And it seemed today was destined to be one of those days.

 “Excuse me, miss,” the smooth voice caught her off guard and she whirled around to face it, nearly knocking into the tall form behind her. “Whoa, steady there.” His hands were large and so very warm, even through the bulk of her winter coat. It took her a few moments to catch her bearings.

 He was utterly gorgeous; a good head taller than she was, his dark auburn hair was just long enough to be considered unkempt, a few errant curls gathering around his ears; straight nose, sharp jaw and chin covered in a few days’ worth of stubble. But it was his eyes, a stunning mix of blue and green, which seemed to root her where she stood. There was something familiar about him, but fuck if she could put her finger on why.

 The silence that brought her back was punctuated with the man’s expectant stare. Good God, you could get lost in his eyes for days. “I’m sorry, what?” She stammered, feeling like an absolute tit. He obviously continued talking while she gapped at him like an idiot.

 If she thought his eyes were stunning, it was nothing compared to his smile. “I was just saying you dropped this back there, darling. I didn’t want you to lose it.” He held out a lone black glove. She looked at it perplexed; her hands automatically going for the pockets of her coat…where only one of her gloves remained.

 “Well shit.” She stifled a giggle. God she must sound like a complete and utter moron. What the hell was wrong with her? “Thank you. You’re a lifesaver.”

 He smiled again as she took the glove from him. “One of my many talents.”

 And then it hit her. “Holy shit, you’re Tom Hiddleston!” The words flew from her mouth of their own accord. She could have kicked herself, repeatedly, when her brain caught up with her words. Of all the stupid things to say. “God, I’m sorry that was terribly rude. I just…”

 If Tom had been fazed at all by her outburst, the man hid it well. His smile never wavered and neither did his eye contact. Dear lord, does he not realize what that does to people? “That’s me. And may I have the pleasure of your name?”

 She blinked at him. Good God he’s smooth. “Sorry. I don’t know where my head is today. I’m Rosemary. Mathews.” She stuck her hand out, an automatic gesture that left her feeling ridiculous, and before she could second guess her actions he took it in his own. Tom’s grip was firm and she noted, with a wry humor, that his hand dwarfed her own.

 “Very nice to meet you Rosemary Mathews.”

 The ringing of his phone pulled Tom’s attention from her. He held up a hand in apology as he answered. “Hello?”

 Figuring that now was probably the best time to make a hasty retreat before she risked embarrassing herself further, she waved a small farewell and turned to continue on her journey. She thought she heard him utter a protest but didn’t dare turn back around. No. Besides she was running late as it was.

 She risked a glance at her watch. Fuck, Jules was really going to kill her this time.

 Ten winded minutes later she shoved open the wooden door to Stories Untold, offering the red headed woman standing behind the counter an apologetic smile. The small shop had been officially hers for nearly three years now, though she had managed it for nearly four years prior. Rosemary still had trouble believing that it was truly hers. Jules had been working with her, and now for her exclusively, nearly the entire time. Jules was the closest thing Rosemary had to a sister and their relationship certainly reflected that. “I am so sorry.” Her words were met with Jules’ stern stare.

 “And just what took you so long?” The smirk on Jules’ face told Rosemary that she wasn’t as cross as she seemed. But that did not mean she wouldn’t be raked over the coals for a bit in the meantime. Jules was punctual to a fault, especially when her weekly date night was involved.

 Rosemary through her hands up in supplication, “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

 Jules quirked an eyebrow. “Try me.”

 Taking a deep breath, Rosemary explained her awkward and embarrassing encounter with Tom Hiddleston. Jules eyes widened comically as the story unraveled. The urge to simultaneously cringe and curl into a ball only intensified in the retelling. Jesus, she’d been a right idiot.

 “You’re telling me you just fucking walked away?” The incredulity in Jules’ eyes stung more than she cared to admit.

 Rosemary paced back and forth across the carpeted floor. “What else was I supposed to do? I’d already made a right fool of myself. It was safer for all involved if I scarpered. I mean my God, I actually told him who he was to his face! Who the hell does that?”

 “You, apparently.” Jules barked a laugh at the glare Rosemary shot her. Once she had regained her composure she continued, “You could have waited until he got off the phone like a normal person. Maybe chatted him up…”

 “Yeah, because that would have gone down well at the rate I was going. Besides he was just being nice. I’m the twit who dropped her glove.” She shrugged half-heartedly. “It doesn’t matter now, anyway. At least I got an interesting story out of it.”

 Jules rolled her eyes. “You are ridiculous, you know that?”

 “Don’t you have somewhere to be?”

 “Ha, aren’t you quite the comedian.” Jules shrugged into her coat, still laughing as she settled her bag onto her shoulder. “I still can’t believe…”  

 Rosemary waved her opened hands toward the door. “Go. Get. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

 “Fine, fine. I know when I’m not wanted.” She waved, making her way out the door into the frigid air of the early evening. Alone again, Rosemary took a deep breath and lost herself in the million small tasks of the shop around her. There was something calming about completing mundane tasks, the way they allowed you to simply be, and she relished in it. Hours could easily pass with barely a hint of recognition. And, truth be told, they often did.

 She heard the soft chime of the bell on the shop door. “Hello, welcome to Stories Untold, is there anything I can help you find today?” She called, head bent to the task of price labeling the newest batch of books. Soft footsteps sounded on the carpet as the newest patron slowly made their way around the shop.

 “Well, hello again.”

 Rosemary felt her heart stutter at the familiar voice. You have got to be kidding me. She took a deep breath and raised her head, plastering a smile on her face. Tom Hiddleston stood a few paces from the counter, soft smile spread across his face, eyes bright. He gave her a knowing look, “You disappeared earlier.”

 She shrugged good-naturedly, trying to salvage the last remnants of her meager dignity. “Duty called. Besides you were otherwise occupied and I don’t make a habit of listening in to others phone calls, famous or not.”

 He had the good grace to look slightly abashed, “Fair enough.”

 “Is there anything in particular that’s brought you here?” She cringed internally. That had come out far less polite than she’d intended.

 Tom shook his head, “Just browsing. Though I must say it’s a nice surprise finding you here.”

 “Is it now?” Rosemary had no idea just where the hell that had come from. She didn’t flirt as a rule. Mainly because try as she might she seemed to be utter crap at it. Why her brain decided that now would be the best time to give it another go, she couldn’t understand. Well, she thought, when in Rome…

 It wasn’t the most painfully awkward thing she’d ever done, but she couldn’t deny she felt like a prize idiot. He wasn’t running though, so that had to mean something. Even if it was just that he was a nice guy who dealt with such things on a semi-regular basis. Their conversation had centered mainly on books, not the most inspired of conversations given the setting, and she soon found herself genuinely enjoying their banter. He was intelligent, but not arrogant, and genuinely seemed to care about her thoughts and ideas. She quickly discovered that once he got himself started on a topic he enjoyed it was damn near impossible to stop him.  

 She found herself watching him intently as he talked. Taking in the way his hands seemed to fly wildly of their own accord, the intensity in his eyes. He was utterly fascinating and completely unnerving. He paused briefly in his current monologue, absently rubbing the back of his neck. He took a deep breath and smiled almost sheepishly, “I’d like to take you out…For coffee, that is.” He coughed once. “If you’re interested.”

 His sudden nervousness was both adorable and completely incomprehensible and it caught her momentarily off guard. “Coffee?” she repeated.

 “Or tea,” he quickly added, eyes widening, “If coffee isn’t your thing.”

 Rosemary bit back the nervous chuckle that threatened to erupt from her throat. She nodded, trying to get her brain to engage properly with her mouth. It took several moments. “Yes. Yes, coffee sounds wonderful.”  

Next

[animebw]

Binge-Watching: Yu Yu Hakusho, Day 6, Episodes 37-42

Dark Tournament, Round 3! In which we face our toughest challenge yet and the girls get a chance to kick all the ass.

A Brutal Trial

Holy Jesus, this was an intense set of episodes. Not only were Yusuke and company forced to fight right after their last round, they were knocked down to just two team members to take down an entire team of five. And the paces he and Karama went through to achieve victory against these impossible odds the the continued attempts of the committee to screw them over were some of the most brutal fights in the show so far.

Karama in particular has earned my respect a thousandfold. Not only does he manage to overcome the loss of his limbs to take his first opponent down with his fabulous hair whip (seriously, that was fucking awesome), he fucking plants that death seed attack in himself to take down his second foe once his spirit energy is closed off. At this point, I’m, just gonna have to give up on choosing a favorite from among our central four, they’ve all kicked so much ass so definitively.

And Yusuke, holy crap, you’ve gotten stronger! Watching him pummel the shit out of the guy who attacked Karama in his sleep was hella cathartic, but that was nothing compared to watching him pull off Genkai’s Spirit Wave to finally take down that wind master. I get the feeling that Toguro’s gonna be pretty satisfied once he finally gets to face the spirit detective head-on.

But the mvp of this round is unquestionably Kuwabara, who fought through his crippling injuries by sacrificing his own life force until he’d recovered enough power to finish the round and snatch a victory from the jaws of defeat. I didn’t even mind that his spurt of energy was caused by his (still nonsensically all-consuming) crush on Yukina, I was just glad he won.

By now, Team Yusuke has fought their way through years worth of dastardly villains and unfair rule-bending, and they still haven’t crumbled yet. Here’s to more intense challenges to come.

Jin

Speaking of their opponents, let’s talk about Jin the Wind Master for a second, because he’s continuing this arc’s trend of Yusuke facing off against opponents with whom he manages to find a kind of mutual respect (and also have ridiculous accents. Seriously, this guy was so fucking stereotypically Irish I half-expected him to start passing out bowls of Lucky Charms). His team was a group of ninja who’ve spent their entire lives working in the shadows to keep peace in the spirit world, but now they want to come into the light, and they have to take ownership of the island they’re fighting on if they win the tournament. It’s another very Togashi clash of ideals, except in this case, Yusuke kind of sympathizes with him. Both of them come from similar animating philosophies of not wanting to be tied down by rules and teachers, preferring to blaze their own trails through life. He sums his philosophy up well with this line: ”Better be messy on your own than right under someone’s watch!” That’s a line of thinking that Yusuke can really relate to, so even though he takes him down in the end, it’s clear they’re parting on good terms. Jin, you were an incredibly fun opponent, and I hope your brief moment of peace in the sky is a prelude to your eventual happiness.

Who Run The World? Girls

You know what I like? When a dude-centric series remembers that it’s okay to let the ladies break loose and kick some ass as well. Shizuru, Keiko, and Botan have such a wonderful dynamic together, so watching them all team up with Yukina to break back into the stadium was a blast. Shizuru, in particular, was an absolute font of badassery, spouting off quips and one-liners with the ferocity one might expect more from a Marvel hero these days than a woman from an 80s manga. Keep it up, show.

Just no more pervert shit, okay? None of that.

More Cat Lady Being Awesome

But as much as I love all that stuff, Cat Lady Announcer continues to be my absolute favorite thing in this series. Not only does her voice actor continuously deliver some of the best punchline deliveries among the cast, but it’s clear that she’s not just a demon stooge running on the same corrupt rules as everyone else. Once the committee starts screwing with the tournament to disadvantage Yusuke’s team, she’s one of the loudest, most vocal voices of opposition, even going so far as to step in front of an insanely dangerous muscle man to keep Karama safe. I could sing her praises all day, but I think it would be more effective to let her speak for herself:

-”You boys are having way too much fun, okay?”

-”This girl’s really wishing she brought a pair of insulated tights!”

-”I sure know that facial expression: pure, lovely, excruciating agony!”

-”There’s the audience participation that makes the dark tournament so special! I’ll bet any of you who survived that attack will remember it for years to come!”

-”Sorry, but at a punch party like that, a girl can’t help but dance!”

-”I know I’m the announcer, but I can’t help a little sidetracking!”

-”I’m going to take the count now, so make sure you tell me how I’m doing it wrong, okay?”

-And, as she performed the aforementioned step-in-front-of-scary-muscle-guy-for-Karama’s-sake: ”I’m all for extreme pain and torture, you disgusting horse, but this guy’s not even awake to enjoy it!”

I don’t care if this show goes to shit by the end, as long as it keeps bringing me more Cat Lady. She’s the fucking best.

Odds and Ends

-”Only an amateur depends on arms and legs for victory.” Karama, you badass motherfucker, I could kiss you.

-”Running like a baby is perfectly brave if the odds are too tough!” Koenma is wiser than I gave him credit for.

-Karama’s okay, right?” “There’s a killer plant growing through his body, what do you think?” Shizuru needs more screen time.

-Seriously though, WHY ARE YOU SO FUCKING IRISH

-”One of these days, I’ll fight someone who talks like a normal person!” Yusuke is so done

-Have I mention how much I love it when Kuwabara and Botan interact?

-”I swear, can we not have just one easy moment of positivity around here?!” Botan, you’re amazing.

-Karama, watching Hiei and Kuwabara argue: “To think they could one day be in-laws.”

-”The only difference with human girls is how hard we kick!” SHIZURU YOU ROCK

The tournament continues. Will Yusuke be able to defeat Toguro when they finally clash? Will the committee keep screwing with his team? Will I ever care about Kuwabara and Yukina’s relationship? Check in next time to find out!

[taeguboi]

BTS as a family

Request: ‘ bts as 1 big family? I know u get the stuff w/ jin as the mom all the time but I wanna c what u think their roles are’

Headcanon Masterlist

Thanks for requesting! Check out my other HCs in the link above!

Rap Monster / Namjoon

The Older Brother 

Joon

who thinks he can act like the father figure when dad is away, 

but really, it’s them who need to protect him

Somehow has more accidents than his dongsaengs

But he’s a really good tutor

So dad doesn’t have to always help with the kids’ homework

encourages Taehyung 

every time he thinks he’s found his dream occupation

even though it changes like 8473299 times a week

has a soft spot for the mysterious child that is Jeongguk

House is getting cramped

but they can share a room

Lets anyone share a bed with him if they’ve had a nightmare

cuddle monster

baby sits occasionally

plays peekaboo with the tots

and it’s all nice and fun

until he covers his eyes one minute

and then HOLY CRAP WHERE HAS THE CHILD GONE

has to fish Taehyung down from a shelf

and pull Jimin out of the fridge

then Jeongguk’s crying because he’s due a nappy change

and then holy fuck why do safety pins exist when they make your finger bleed?

thinks his brothers are some sort of curse on him for a solid year

because the accidents only happen when they’re around

but then catches dad burning his hand on the stove like

oh

probably shouldn’t have held those rituals to rid the curse

has to study at friend’s houses a lot though

so he’s not always at home

very independent as a result

because as much as he loves his brothers

they get so goddamn noisy

I guess that’s why they can come sleep in his room

because many study nights turn into sleep overs

probably only sleeps in his own bed about 3 days a week during high school years

the most trustworthy child

Jin /Seokjin

The single parent

with A LOT on his hands!

Don’t ask how he acquired so many children

He just did

“You’re adopted!”

when one of his kids just won’t shut the f*ck up!

But then goes soft when they cry

Even though it was their own stupid fault

“Goddammit, I suppose I should take you out shopping or something then”

Still puts notes in the kids packed lunches

he has to be both parents 

but somehow to the kids, it feels like he’s three or four parents 

because he puts in 150-200% effort in everyday

Gets distressed at every milestone

he doesn’t want them to grow up

Starts crying in the middle of the clothes store

because he was only here last week

for the same child

how tf did Tae go up 2 shoe sizes this week?

why do Jeongguk’s shirts keep tearing so easily?

when did Jimin’s voice break?!

no recollection of Namjoon being a child, help

Slipping Through My Fingers by ABBA on repeat

He does have a tendency to over do the whole protective thing

there’s going to be a lesson to be learned from this

but I’m just going to tell it to you now 

so you don’t have to go through all that upset and heart-break

but he gets some help along the way to let go a little

“Seokjin, why does Taehyung’s wallpaper now have a... rubbery theme to it?”

“Harry Potter is a bad influence and I will not have my baby having five thousand head injuries!”

“Jin, I know the kid can do some dumb things, but do you honestly think he’s going to try that many times?”

Makes the other parents jealous 

he doesn’t mean to though

he can’t help if he invites the kids’ friends round for tea, that his cooking happens to be better....

the other half of the parents of the kids at school however are single and all have a thing for him

Will buy everything his child needs for a project

perhaps a bit gullible at times

“a skateboard?”

“for science. gravity.”

“oh, okay”

Waves with a little hanky when the kids go on school trips

“have you got your bag?”

“have you got the lunch I packed you?”

“Yes dad, all 6 boxes of it”

Has some quirks that he won’t admit he has

or that the kids have picked up from him

“Why does Jeongguk make racing car sounds when he runs still?”

*shrugs*

“I have no idea”

*goes to put something on the shelf making a swanee whistle sound*

“Why does Taehyung still believe in unicorns?”

“Shut up! They’re totally real!”

Cliches

eat your crusts to get stronger

carrots to see in the dark

beauty sleep

the early bird gets the worm

*goddammit now the kids are waking up at 5am to take all the contents of the fridge*

err, too much chocolate milk makes you sad

“but it tastes so good Dad!”

“Goddammit children we should be endorsed for chocolate milk!!!”

Wants to hear all about your day

“Dad, I’m 27 now”

“I don’t care Namjoon. Tell me about your day.”

“Daaaad”

“and I made you hot chocolate and cookie, come snuggle on the couch with me”

Family photos at xmas with matching sweaters

From the

“Look at this piece of art that Jeonggukkie made for me today!”

*sticks it on the fridge but it’s made of pasta and lolly sticks so it keeps sliding down*

to the

“Oh my life my ChimChim has graduated uni!”

even the

“You just burped the alphabet? My son is so talented!”

“You made a rap about breakfast? Genius!”

Everything the kids do is amazing and a big achievement

Suga / Yoongi

Grandad by blood to one of the kids

Pop-pops to all the kids anyways

No one is quite sure which kid is his grandchild though

Tbh he's just here for some peace and quiet

(Chance would be a fine thing though...)

Owns that one chair in the living area

over the years, the general room design and furniture cahnges

but that chair stays

Just watches the kids do stupid shit

Guk’s about to put a crayon up his nose

and Tae is about to walk through a wall

but he ain’t gonna stop them

“Let the idiots learn from their own mistakes”

*crash!* *bang!* 

*crying*

“You raised morons.”

Makes less gestures 

but when he does, they’re huge

kinda like how some people pay for things weekly, and some monthly

One of the few grandparents that doesn’t constantly share their war stories

he just shares his own experiences when relevant

Though Taehyung is always asking for him to tell another story

“Tae, it’s 10pm”

“Just one more story pop-pops, please?”

He has more impact on the kids than he realizes

they adore him so much

and he wonders why the parents that helped create these kids don’t want to be around to raise them with Jin

but he wouldn’t have this family any other way

Gives the most heart-warming, tear-jerking toasts

everyone thought they were gonna cry at Jimin’s wedding because of the vows and love is beautiful and all the rest

but instead, everyone ends up being lame for the story of how pop-pops met his one true love

and the ending makes you emo for weeks

No one quite knows why he acts so indifferent

because he has such soft stories

Namjoon wonders for a while in his childhood

and then when he’s grown up

one day when he’s no longer living at home and drops in to say hello

Pop-pops is in his chair

watching the kids shooting each other with nerf guns

whites socks sliding on the kitchen lino

and sound effects

and then Namjoon sees it;

Pop-pops likes to just watch the kids progress day by day

watching them learn from their mistakes

watching them develop as people

that’s why he’d never step in when there was a recipe for disaster about to happen

He encourages Jin 

to make sure they grow up into well-rounded people

rather than put them in bubblewrap

and he couldn’t have done a better job.

J-Hope / Hoseok

That cool uncle

Uncle Hobi

That everyone adores, especially the youngest 

because he comes back with a gift every visit

Puts up with a lot of shit from the younger kids

because he can go home at the end of the day

Proudest uncle in the world

goes to all the kids events with Jin

although it’s a problem when he’s watching a match and two of the kids are on opposite teams like

“go on you reds! you can do i---”

“oh nice tackle blues! sock it to them!”

“I love both teams!”

all the other adults are confused

“Everyone’s a winner; go purple!!!”

Owns so much cool stuff

sometimes the kids sleep round at his

they’re fighting over the arcade machine

challenging each other to snooker or darts matches

arguing about the artwork on the wall

uncle hobi just smiles

Takes them out every weekend

so many fond memories

Spends all his money on the kids

there’s that one game Jeongguk’s not so good at at the arcade

but he’s addicted to it

so cool uncle hobi keeps giving him quarters

*2 days later”

“Look! Uncle Hobi! I finally won!”

“Well done, champ!”

Yeah, and it only cost him 200 dollars...

and guess who feeds Taehyung’s taste for Gucci?

or rather, guess who started it?

Jimin doesn’t ask for much

but uncle Hobi is always showering him with gift baskets when the others aren’t around

Namjoon sometimes joins them on their little outings

and he tells uncle Hobi all about the the new things he’s learned in school

and then Hobi find himself writing a cheque mid conversation

“Uh, Uncle Hobi, what are you doing?”

“Just take my money and go change the world!!”

It’s impossible to be prouder than Jin

but he’s pretty close

Jimin 

The middle brother

Chim

Who gets to order Tae and Guk around

as they get older, he’ll double dare them to some stupid shit

and they’ll do it

Younger brothers are just there for his amusement.

It’s the only reason they were born 

Like remember that one time it was snowing and he triple dared them to lick that frozen pole...?...

Takes more influence from pop-pops than he realizes

“It’s not my fault they were stupid enough to do it”

Doesn’t like it when Jungkook grows up

Yesterday, he was at Jimin’s shoulder level

but today, Jungkook is patting his head 

Probably because of all those times Jungkook took the last of the chocolate milk

“JEON JUNGKOOK!!!”

and

“Stop copying me Jeongguk; I did it first!”

but nawh, he does adore the youngest bro

back up older brother

you know that mem

the one where it’s like

*someone is sad*

and then

Jimin: [that picture of him peaking round the corner being a cute lil mochi]

He’s mostly like that for Tae

but when Joon leaves home

he’s there for Guk too in this way

He’s a good listener

which he gets from Dad Jin and brother Joon

bonds more with Tae as time goes by

mainly because the other brothers move out first

Falls for the best friend of the girl Taehyung is dating

oh look at that, it turns out she’s his soulmate

double dates with his bro

embarrassing childhood stories

but the girls just find it charming, really

so many family get together events because of these two brothers alone

21st birthday parties

they could have had a combined celebration

but why do that when you can have twice the fun?

Taehyung’s friends are Jimin’s friends

and vice versa

Jin watches them on movie night from the kitchen for a moment being proud

and then makes them extra popcorn

“Dad, we’ll get fat!”

“Good; I like my children to have chubby cheeks”

what other life events? oh yeah

engagement parties

weddings

emotional toasts 

about how they’ve gotten closer these recent years

followed by a baby story

“Tae, I can’t believe you told them that!”

“What? You showed everyone my baby pictures at my last birthday party!”

It’s kinda weird when Jimin and Taehyung fall out

because when they fall out

it’s not even a proper argument

like they don’t even know how to argue

“Dammit Jimin! Did you have to dress better than me tonight?!... Like seriously, where did you get that sweater?”

“Kim Taehyung! Did you steal that hair dye I bought?!... Oh wait never mind, that really suits you”

Secrets that make them even closer

they don’t always like to burden Dad

so they tell each other instead

Tae helps Jimin come out of his shell

and in return, Jimin helps Taehyung understand people better

Very capable of living independent lives

but feel empty without one another for too long

V / Taehyung

That child you cannot leave alone for 2 seconds

Bwi / TaeTae as a child, then

Tae as he gets older

“Okay, Tae Tae, I’m just going upstairs for something, so don’t touch anything”

“WTF KIM TAEHYUNG WHY AND HOW IS THE FRIDGE ON FIRE!?!”

Gets ice cream all over his face after one lick

Takes ‘the floor is lava’ game very seriously

creates the most laundry for Jin to do

because he’s always climbing and skidding 

and just being a boy really

Wants to pet everything, and

Wants a pet everything

“Dad! Can we get a dog?”

“How about a bunny?”

“How about a unicorn?”

“...Unicorns don’t exist Tae; they’re made up”

“Shut up! They’re totally real!”

(Like father, like son...)

Usually a carrier when there’s illness going round at school

“Look TaeTae, I know you don’t feel ill, but just be careful not to...”

*Tae sneezes really loudly without covering his face*

...

Lives for bedtime stories

loves fairytales

but comes to love underrated literature even more

so he really appreciates where those tales derived from

like old folklores and myths, etc

but also the more modern pieces that follow

and he knows all the pre-Brothers Grimm versions

but still somehow remains pure

santa is always real, no matter what you tell him

and the tooth fairy

and the easter bunny

Everyone knows Taehyung is a unique child

he just has a different perspective to most of the children

no one knows where it came from 

and not even Jin can credit himself for that

and he’s either going to grow up to be really smart

or a solitary eccentric

Has like a million teddy bears

they all get equal cuddles

one for each day of the week month year

Wants to try everything when he grows up

“Daddy, I want to be a surgeon!”

and it’s like a new occupation each day

“Lawyer!”

“Archaeologist!”

“Dentist!”

you never knew there were so many jobs in the world

“Shoplifter!”

“Shoplifter? What? Tae, you can’t steal things!”

Looking back, you wouldn’t believe that stupid shit came out of his mouth

he grows up so intelligent

and becomes a writer for children’s books

Defends any family member no matter what

even if there’s a chance they’re in the wrong

but that don’t matter because they’ve raised him so right

Jin cries when he leaves home because he’s raised

husband material

Ends up extending the family by 60%

adorable little puppies for children

and then adorable children as cute as puppies

and because he’s forever a child by spirit

he raises them to believe and be happy and have a little faith

It’s so hard to pick godparents

but he picks Jimin eventually

Fathers of a new generation of kids

Wow, they grow up so fast

Jungkook

Another child that needs constant supervision

‘Guk / Jeonggukie / Gukkie

Puts everything in his mouth

“No Jeonggukie! You can’t eat uncle Hobi!”

With baby Bwi he’s a 

LITTLE MONSTER

Not even sure he’s Jin’s kid

or just a friend Bwi brought into the house one day

No one realizes until he’s like 11 years old

that he’s one of Pop-pops’ grandkids

"How could you not tell us something like that Yoongs?”

“What? You never asked...

“...also, he’s a moron”

but pop-pop Yoongs doesn’t mean it

He just doesn’t want to give Jungkook special treatment

back to Guk

Gets way too hyper before his teens 

then one day Jin is the garage trying to fix the car and Jeongguk won’t leave him alone

and in a panic he sees some weights like

“Here have a go on these”

and that’s why Jeongguk grows up to be a 

muscle pig

becomes stronger than all his older siblings 

they actually get low key scared of him in adulthood

also becomes like really good at fixing stuff

so when Namjoon moves out

Guk follows not long after to share an apartment with him

and it saves a bit of money on repairs

so it’s kinda cute

because in childhood, Namjoon would fix Gukkie’s broken heart with his wisdom and wise advice

and in adulthood, Jeongguk fixes Namjoon’s broken furniture with his more practical skills

Won’t admit it but

copies Jimin

on purpose

but like I say, he won’t admit it

“Jeongguk!! I had muscles first!”

“Whaaat?” 

*crushes a walnut with his bare fist*

he just smiles

because he’s finally as strong as his great older bro

Gathers a lot of hobbies and interests

he has something he can share with each family member

If he wants to talk about something, all he has to do is

ask Jimin if he wants a video game night or

ask Dad to bake Gukkie Cookies with him or

-- sorry --

ask Tae to meet at the book store or

ask Joon for an anime marathon or

ask uncle Hobi to come bowling or

ask pop-pops if he’s interested in a spot of golf

fortunately, he doesn’t even have to say something’s up

everyone knows that’s his go to move if he needs advice

Some people would say that all the things he has are down to luck

but he knows he wouldn’t be where he is without his family

and that’s the lucky part