#honestly also looking forward to this one for the sheer grief i felt putting them against each other… simply incomparable …

[mfshipbracket]

[swearyshera]

You have no idea how hands-shaking, looking-down-off-a-cliff scared I was to scroll down when Catra began to say sorry and got cut off. I had to take almost a full minute to brace myself cuz I was so afraid Glimmer would do the thing so many other protags have done where they just accept the apology for the sake of expediency or compassion or their own regrets or to focus on moving forward. Or to excuse away the apologizers actions as not their own because of manipulation or emotion. I've been waiting since Day One for this hoping it wouldn't be like those, especially considered canon didnt even attempt it and that left my love for this series feeling like it was missing a piece.

I could never expected it go this hard. Glimmer's grief and guilt and cold rage feels so tangible, and the sheer strength it feels like it took to both acknowledge and honestly deliver those feelings to Catra with no sugarcoating while not full-on attacking her with them and driving a wedge into the only refuge either of them have from Prime breaks my heart. Acknowledging Catra feels sorry but telling her flat out no apology or atonement could heal this, so if she feels sorry thats her own damn problem. A perfect interstice of emotional fortitude and frailty. I could never have dreamt of a moment this great.

Glimmer was always my fave in canon but this catapulted her into the fucking celestial firmament. The catharsis I'm feeling right now makes me feel like I could jump the goddamned moon. This moment alone is my favorite exploration of grief and forgiveness ive seen in a fandom like this since ATLA's The Southern Raiders. I cant wait to see your spin on the rest of this arc if its even a fraction this good. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for this and for this project. Thank you.

This was such a hard scene to write. I'd had some ideas written down for this scene for quite a while, and we almost got a scene where they discussed what they would say to Adora instead, but I thought it would perhaps be more impactful to tackle the subject of Angella head on.

I'm not completely oblivious to the fact that many people wished Glimmer and Catra had approached the topic of what happened to Angella in canon. And again, I'd never say that this blog is a 'fix-it' for the stuff people didn't like, but sometimes there's stuff that I wish had been in the show - this was one of those things.

But knowing I wanted to put in a scene and actually writing it are two different things. I was so nervous when this one went out, because I worried that people would react negatively to it (but you didn't, thanks everyone!). You're right that having Glimmer go "Oh, sure, don't worry about it" would have felt hollow and really undercut the whole 'Angella is dead' thing. But equally, if Glimmer had said "Sorry isn't enough, I hate you and will never forgive you", it would have been hard to reconcile that level of sheer hatred with them working together later on.

I chose Glimmer's words quite carefully here. I wanted to show that her opting to take her mother's actions as one of heroic sacrifice rather than a desperate last-ditch attempt to save Etheria from Catra's mistake was for her own benefit, not Catra's. Glimmer makes that choice to discard Catra's part in it every day because that's the only way she can manage her grief (especially when face-to-face with Catra), not because she wants Catra to feel better. And that rejection of the apology was not so much a "Your apology means nothing" as it was "Don't try and complicate the way I'm dealing with this." Sorry means she has to reconcile that Catra feels guilt. Sorry upsets her grieving process. She doesn't want it.

I'm so excited for everyone to see the rest of this arc, particularly how things develop through Corridors. We'll soon be seeing Horde Prime step up his manipulation of Catra's depression, and more about how that is affecting her and driving her to desperation. But we also get those bittersweet flashbacks, the reminders that Adora has always been on her side - even when they've been on opposing sides of a war. And finally, the climax of the episode where Catra saves Glimmer, and (at least here) leaves Adora with some chilling words. I always feel like I become a better writer with every episode, and I am so proud of some of the stuff you're about to see.

[putschki1969]

2022/09/13 Blog post by Wakana “Wakana Billboard Live 2022”に来てくれた皆さん本当にありがとうございました！〜パクチーと新曲とクリスマス〜

❗This is Fan Club EXCLUSIVE content❗ ❗PERSONAL USE ONLY❗ Do ❗NOT SHARE❗ on other sites ❗Join her FAN CLUB! Check out my detailed TUTORIAL ❗

Thank you to everyone who came to see my “Wakana Billboard Live 2022″! ~Coriander, a New Song and Christmas~

I eat coriander salad every day to deal with the lingering summer heat. I love coriander, this time of the year, large junks are sold at various greengrocers near me 🙄 I used to see them often around spring but then they suddenly disappeared during the extremely hot summer months. Now they are finally back and I've been seeing them more and more often recently (I wonder if it a coincidence). For my salad, I lightly toss coriander and sliced ​​onions in sesame oil, add some white sesame seeds, a bit of salt, sugar and vinegar.

Hello, this is Wakana (0￣▽￣0)／

Today, I'll be posting a lot of photos from my Billboard Live OSAKA on September 1st and Billboard Live YOKOHAMA on September 9th! First of all, let’s start with some pictures from Osaka! Here we are after the 1st stage is over. We are ready to go again. And here we are with a big smile on our faces after the 2nd stage. At that point I was super hungry from singing so much Both Takebe-san and Fukuhara-san told me that I was in high spirits from beginning to end. I think it’s because both the 1st and 2nd stage were were filled with so much warmth and passion, I had a total blast!  Now here is a picture of the three of us after the 1st stage in Yokohama. All of those trio shots were taken right after we had come off the stage so everyone’s face still looked quite heated. (ﾟ∀ﾟ) And another picture after the 2nd stage! Taken just 10 seconds after the official end of all 4 performances in Osaka and Yokohama! ! Then we have some rehearsal pictures. I really like the fancy lights! ! Everyone is taking a bow＼(^o^)／Thank you for the warm applause!!

This time, we unveiled a brand new song to everyone, it’s one out of a few songs I am currently working on. It's called "標(しるし= Shiroshi = Sign/Mark/Symbol)". This song was written by singer-songwriter Yoshiko Hanzaki. When we were discussing the song, I burst into tears and poured out my heart to her. Hanzaki-san listened patiently to me while I was shedding tears. We talked about a very special and precious topic, family. My father passed away in the spring of 2020. Back then I felt an unbelievable sense of loss and unbearable grief, I honestly thought the day would never come when I would be able to laugh again. I was only able to motivate myself because you have always been there for me and provided support. Even though I was sad, I knew I would be able to overcome that sadness one day. I wanted to put all of those feelings in a song and convey them to you. At that time my love and appreciation for music increased considerably. The reason I can smile like this now is because all of you have been there for me. Also, from wherever my father is watching, I just want him to see me happy. Even now, whenever I'm singing I hope it transcends time and space to reach him. "Shiroshi" is a song that probably couldn’t have happened without the strength everyone has given me, it’s a song about my feelings for my father. Please look forward to the day when it will be release! [Note: On Father’s Day in 2020, Wakana posted THIS video of her and her mother performing “Moshimo Piano Ga Hiketanara”. At that point her father must have already passed away. Damn, it hits differently now. Also, I am so jealous of everyone who attended her Billboard Lives. I wanna listen to “Shiroshi” right now!! T_T]

Now, I would like to show you a few close-ups of my outfits~♪ This is the white dress I wore for the 1st stage! The floral pattern is subtle, nothing too crazy, just the perfect amount of pretty. I think it’s honestly so cute🥺💕I also like the sheer, puffy sleeves. That’s probably my absolute favourite part about the dress! Next we have my dress for the 2nd stage! I chose it because the vivid colours appealed to me😆 There is a lot of attention to detail in the design, which is something I really appreciate. For example, I really like the shoulders and the difference in texture between at the waist and wrist section! 😍

Thank you very much to everyone who came to my "Wakana Billboard Live 2022"!･:*+.\(( °ω° ))/.:+ For me, it was a truly memorable live that made me discover new music!

My next live will be held on Christmas! 🎄🎅🌟 The performance is scheduled for December 25 at Kioi Hall! Everyone, let's spend Christmas Day together and enjoy music! (((o(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)o))) I'll be awaiting you~♪＼＼\\٩( 'ω' )و ////

Finally, here’s a picture of my coriander salad! *laughs* Doesn't it look delicious?🤤

Until next time~☆(*'▽'*)/

＊＊＊Wakana＊＊＊

[interstellarflowers]

Professor Parker Ch. 1| Professor, Peter Parker x Student, Reader

a/n this fic doesn’t follow the marvel cinematic universe but assume that peter has been what he’s been through with the exception that tony lived, and bruce is still bruce, sorry but i just can't deal with endgame hulk/bruce rn emotionally or mentally. im sorry nat is still dead but dw i'll actually treat it with respect unlike endgame like goddamn where was her funeral, am i right? the stages of grief thing they did was interesting though. im sorry i digress, this is set in nyc (because heyo im a new yorka) and the avengers/stark tower is still a thing, peter is fucking traumatized and has turned kind of cold as a result. this fic may contain a smut chapter in the future? not sure yet, where this fic goes depends on the feedback, thanks for reading also sorry im not the proudest of this first chapter so ill probably edit it but promise itll only improve from here just not in the best mental state rn

University life wasn’t exactly everything that you imagined it to be. There was hardly time to do anything that people claimed was good about coming to university. The parties, the epic heartbreaks, and romances, they were just nowhere to be seen. In fact, there was nothing particularly extravagant about your experience thus far. You went to class, studied, and went to your internship. Your internship was probably the most exciting thing about your life at the moment, you were lucky to be accepted into the Stark Industries student internship, the company paid college tuition and only required around twenty hours of lab work a week, you couldn’t complain. Of course, the exciting part of the whole ordeal was the name attached to it, “Stark,” not that you had ever met him, but it was nice to have a unique feature like that in such an impressive student body.

So here you were on the first day of your third year of university. You lived off-campus, about a five-minute walk from the Stark Tower, but a twenty-minute subway ride to your campus. However, having an 882 square foot space to yourself was really nothing you could truly complain about despite the distance. The studio apartment being yet another benefit reaped from Stark Industries. Thank you Tony Stark, the unseen benevolent God in your life.

Typically you would start your mornings off quietly and in no rush, a shower, a cup of coffee, maybe some studying before heading off to your campus, but your phone had other plans for you today. Instead of your alarm going off like it was supposed to, you were woken up by the sound of a particularly loud car horn, and oh how grateful you were for that. As soon as you were jolted awake you shifted to grab your phone and turned it over to see an alarming 8:40am glaring back at you.

Holy shit. You were late.

You scrambled out of bed nearly face planting several times in your hurry to get dressed and only barely ran out the door with everything you needed at 8:47am.

By the time you managed to get to the subway and clamor onto the right train it was already 8:55am. Out of breath and panicking, you considered your options. You could explain after class, you could shoot an email, there were a plethora of things you could do but none of them seemed to justify being late as a third-year to a level 500 class. You had googled all of your professors while registering for classes as was common practice. You couldn’t find a RateMyProfessor on Professor...Parker? You were pretty sure it was Professor Parker, but you do remember seeing on the STEM department page that he was currently a Ph.D. student, so you could only hope that as a fellow student he would be at least a little understanding towards your lateness.

You stood outside of the lecture hall huffing and trying to catch your breath at 9:32am, psyching yourself up, you pushed open the door to the class and attempted to go unnoticed. The class was in a lecture hall despite being only composed of around thirty students, so if you were lucky maybe nobody would even see-

“Ms.(y/l/n), I presume?.” Shit.

“Professor Parker?” Shit.

“You are aware that class starts at 9am, and not 9:30am, would this be correct Ms.(y/l/n)?”

“Yes, Professor, it’s just that I had an emergency.” The lying route. Not exactly the highlight of your academic career.

“I regret to inform you that I only take valid excuses Ms.(y/l/n), please take a seat, and next time, don’t bother disrupting class halfway through the lesson.” Fuck. You mustered a quiet “ok,” and a small nod before escorting yourself to the back of the room, thirty-something eyes following you until you sat down.

You couldn’t focus for the rest of the class, it was just too embarrassing, time moved forward but you couldn’t help but be stuck on what had just happened. For the first ten minutes after sitting down you felt like dropping out of the whole class out of sheer fucking humiliation. This was of course before you reminded yourself that this class was a requirement to graduate in your field of study. You quietly bargained with yourself before sighing quietly and settling on the conclusion that Professor Parker was just a dick. A dick who certainly didn’t deserve the satisfaction of you switching out of his class. If he wanted to be like that, you decided, you would simply return the favor.

“I know, Ms.(y/ln), why don’t you tell us DeBroglie’s equation?”

“With pleasure, Professor Parker.” Yeah, you’d return the favor alright.

“Ms.(y/l/n), you stay.” Fuck that. You looked the other way and feigned ignorance as you kept making your way towards the door. About to leave, the door shut on your face.

“What the fuck!” You jumped before turning around and you felt your face heat up.

“Ms.(y/l/n), please refrain from using profanities in my classroom.”

“I’m sorry Professor Parker. I was just startled.”

“Mhm,” he took his glasses off and laid them on his desk, “Just don’t do it in the future Ms.(y/l/n).”

“Of course. My name is (y/n), by the way, Professor Parker, you can just call me that, actually, I prefer that people refer to me by (y/n).”

“Rest assured, I’m aware of your name, Ms.(y/l/n). My name is Peter, but you can continue to call me Professor Parker.” You could have sworn that you saw a ghost of a smirk on his lips. He knew what he was fucking doing, asshole. You held back from rolling your eyes into the back of your head.

“Of course, Professor Parker.”

“As you know, Ms.(y/l/n), I did request that you stay after class.”

“Oh? I sincerely apologize Professor Parker, I really didn’t hear you.”

“I’m sure, Ms.(y/l/n).” Fucking. Dick.

“Well, what exactly did you want Professor Parker? I do have another class soon.” Professor Parker narrowed his eyes at you in obvious distaste before reaching behind himself into a bin underneath his desk and pulling out a stack of papers,

“These are the handouts you missed from the beginning of the class. Textbook requirements, syllabus...Crucial information to have if you care to succeed in my class Ms.(y/l/n).” So coldly, so maliciously, Professor Parker placed the stack into your arms.

“I take my work very seriously, Ms.(y/l/n), I do my part as your professor so I only have the simple request that my students do the same.” You nodded feeling your face heat up again.

“Of course, Professor Parker, it won’t happen again,” you said with a tightlipped smile.

“Mhm,” Professor Parker turned around and began shuffling around some paper and without giving you a second glance said, “You are dismissed.” You nodded and hurriedly made your way out of his classroom. Of course, you had lied. You didn’t have another class until late in the afternoon. So you called your coworker instead,

“Hey, Harvey.”

“(y/n).”

“Wow, okay, don’t get too excited.”

“Sorry, just woke up.”

“Tsk, the early bird gets the worm, Harvey.”

“I don’t want a worm.”

“Fuck you. I’m headed to the lab, can I expect you?”

“Yeah, yeah.” You had been working with Harvey for around four years now, he was quite the impressive specimen, having attended MIT and graduating Summa Cum Laude at age 20 was no easy feat, he was closer to Tony Stark than you would ever get, he was quite personable, and you couldn’t deny that he was quite good looking. You’d never tell him that though, he didn’t need another ego boost. Besides, you had some connections of your own.

“Hey, (y/n).”

“Banner!”

“Can we expect Harvey today?”

“Honestly, not sure.” You both knowingly smiled at each other before you made your way over to what he was working on,

“Do you ever get bored here?”

“With you and the other idiot always running around? How could I?” You laughed,

“No, seriously, like wouldn’t you rather be doing nerd shit with Tony or something? Isn’t it a little tiresome babysitting us?”

“Tiring? Maybe sometimes, but not nearly as tiring as doing ‘nerd shit’ with Tony. He’s exhausting,” Bruce smiled at his own joke, “I don’t mind playing babysitter at all kid.” He fiddled with the handle of a mug that read, “Don’t be so Na Cl,” which you had gotten him a year back as a joke, but he still used it.

You really loved Bruce for all he was. Since losing your family back in 2012 during the battle in NYC, you didn’t really have any familial figures. But since landing this internship you found yourself with a parental figure again, and you would never be able to put into words how much it meant to you, so you didn’t. Besides, you didn’t want him to feel pressured about it, especially after everything he had been through himself. Frying half your body and losing the love of your life in such a short span of time was really nothing less than horrifying. Yet, here he was, smiling, laughing...You loved him for it.

“First day of junior year? How was that?”

“Shit.”

“Huh?” Bruce stopped tinkering with the device in his hands and looked over at you, “I’ve never heard of a course being too hard for (y/n) (y/l/n), what is it? Aerospace? Quantum?”

“No, just one giant dick.”

“Pardon-”

“My professor, he’s a fucking asshole.”

“Ah, I see. If he’s really harassing you (y/n), I don’t mean to overstep, I really think we should alert administration, what’s his name?” Bruce took a sip of his coffee.

“Professor Parker,” Bruce choked on his coffee, “Oh my God, Bruce, are you okay?”

“Yeah-” he said, still coughing, “Just a little too strong.”

“Okay, are you sure?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Bruce caught his breath, “What did he do kid?”

“He’s just a dick that’s all.”

“You sure you don’t want me to do something about it?”

“Yeah, it’s fine, I don’t know what you could do anyways. Thank you though.”

“Actually, you’d be surprised.”

Sitting at your desk stressing over school work at 3am, it was nothing out of the ordinary for you. Everything appeared ordinary. The ordinary cup of tea, the familiar glow of your computer, and a morning chill creeping through your window. It was all so breathtakingly normal until there was a rap on your window. You took an earbud out of your ear, certain you were just hearing things, you looked to your window. Holy shit.

You opened your window wide so that he could crawl in.

“(y/n)?”

“Mr.Spiderman.” Still too in shock to fully process the situation you started to take in the scene in front of you,

“Please, it’s just Spiderman.”

“Oh-Oh my God, what happened?” Head to toe the suit seemed to have blood seeping through, tears in the body of the suit revealed gashes and a bullet wound.

“Bad guys. I know this guy-said he knew a medical student close by, you are (y/n)? Right?”

“Y-Yeah, but I’m really just a student, I’m not really a prof-”

“This guy, he said you might as well be.”

“I don’t know Mr.Spiderman, really, maybe I could take you to the hospital though.”

“-Spiderman, it’s just Spiderman, listen, (y/n), you know I can’t go to a hospital, it would ruin this whole secret identity thing I got going on here, and this guy, he’s probably the smartest guy I know, so if he says you can handle it, you can.” You swallowed and nodded,

“Yeah-” you wring your hands together, “Yeah-Sorry, let me go get my first aid kit.”

[emilyplaysotome]

Queen’s Choice: Part 4

This is the fourth chapter to a multi-part smutty fic with the MLQC boys. 

Catch up:

 part 1 part 2 part 3

I don’t feel nervous until I’m in the elevator, on my way up to see him. 

You’d think I’d be used to seeing Victor by now, and even more used to him giving me grief about my presentations but I’m never prepared enough when it comes to him. 

I realize it’s because I owe him in more ways than I feel comfortable admitting. 

I owe him for helping my company and for saving me. 

Again and again and again. 

I know that they all care about me, but Victor has this uncanny ability to appear and whisk me out of harm’s way. I shudder when I think about what might have come to pass had it not been for him. 

Goldman is the one who breaks me away from my thoughts and I make small talk with him as he leads me to Victor’s office. I’m dressed slightly different, with a tight pencil skirt that’s flirting with being a bit too skimpy for me and a conservative blouse so it looks like a mistake. 

I’m not wearing underwear and I can feel my heart racing as I interact with a man outside of my target, worried that he can tell and I’ve accidentally exposed myself.

That doesn’t seem to be the case though, thanks to my blazer that covers my chest and I take a deep breath as I enter Victor’s office, the door shutting behind me. 

He looks even more handsome than I remember and I remind myself that my intention for today is to tease, not necessarily seduce - though I’m open to the latter. His eyes are glued to his computer screen, and he doesn’t so much as glance up in my direction as I take off my blazer and sit in front of him. 

The fabric of my blouse rubbing against me combined with the chill of the offices has made my nipples erect, and I resist the urge to cover up, instead arching my back to give the illusion of a fuller bosom despite barely filling out an A cup. 

When he does finally look at me I see a flash of irritation in his face before he says, “Your presentation was filled with errors.”

“What!? Really?”

I’m genuinely shocked because I spent so much time checking and rechecking my work and without thinking I run beside him, behind the desk and bend over to see the computer screen. As a result I can feel my skirt riding up and I wonder if I’m as exposed as I think I am. 

Victor doesn’t seem to notice this though, exasperated he walks me through what I need to do better and I end up forgetting about teasing him and take notes diligently. It’s because of this that when he finally asks, “Are you trying something funny with me?” I don’t understand what he’s talking about at first. 

“What?”

“You really are a dummy, you know that?”

With that he pulls at the back of my pencil skirt, his fingers accidentally brushing against the top of my thighs. I blush uncontrollably and nervously scuttle back to my chair. 

“I didn’t want panty lines,” I whisper so softly it’s barely audible but he hears me and sighs again. 

“I’m driving you home and you’re changing so no one else sees you like this.”

“Is it that bad? You don’t...like it?”

It’s then that he pauses and with an eyebrow raised asks, “Is this for me?”

“Maybe.”

He grins now and I’m worried about what will come next. 

“Have you dumped those other 3 and come here to confess?”

“What other -“

“Let’s not act like I don’t know and you don’t know. Call me when you’re done with them and then I’ll fuck you silly right on my desk if you want.” 

He goes back to work and I’m stunned by his the straightforwardness of his response. 

“I...”

“Was there something else?”

He’s smirking when he looks at me and I can’t help but feel like he’s enjoying playing with me like this. 

“I want to negotiate.”

I can tell that this intrigues him. He puts down his pen and sits back in his chair, crossing his legs and waiting for more information. 

“I agree to stop seeing one of them and we see what we are like together.”

He laughs and my face instantly feels hot. 

“Why is that funny? Aren’t you curious too?” I say a little too loud and with an indignant expression I can’t help but have. 

“Dummy.”

He leans forward in his chair, putting his weight on his elbows as his closes the distance despite his grand mahogany desk between us. 

“I’m not curious because I already know.”

My face burns but I don’t back down. 

“Well I don’t. Offer stands.”

He considers this and with a smirk says,

“Three.”

“That’s basically confessing! I’m not ready!”

“I thought we were negotiating? I have the upper hand you know....”

“Two! And that’s my final offer.”

“I’ll consider it. But for now, let me take you home.”

—

I feel rejected as I sit in the passenger seat and far more disappointed than I expected to feel. 

None of them have denied me, and I can’t stop fantasizing about what it would have felt like to have him capitalize while I was next to him, bending over. I think about how his fingers could have entered me and how exhilarating it would have been to fuck on that grandiose desk of his. 

But it looks like I won’t find out. 

The car pulls up in front of my building and he says, “I’ll be in touch. Cover up in the meantime if this was really for me...”

“Huh?”

He sighs but he doesn’t look exasperated. He looks gentle and tender and loving and he says, “I’m trying to tell you that I love you as you are.”

He drives off before I can reply. 

—

My head is filled with fantasies of Victor beyond the ones in his office after he denies me. I check my phone to see if he has agreed to my terms but I don’t see anything from him. 

I feel frustrated but I also don’t know who I would pick. 

I really don’t want to choose. 

In the days that follow the intensity of the fantasies increase and I find myself alone in bed touching myself to the thoughts of being with him. I get messages from the others but I’ve got tunnel vision. 

I’m a woman obsessed and whose curiosity needs to be satiated. 

I eventually buckle and write him, asking if my terms have been agreed to, all the while not knowing who I’d pick. 

I get no answer. 

—

I’m thinking about what my next move is a week after our encounter in his office. I’m home, wearing a comfy pj set, hair still wet and fresh out of the shower when there’s a knock at my door. I’m honestly wondering if Lucien has returned next door but it’s Victor who I see through the peep hole. 

He’s holding something and looks impatient and I eagerly open the door, forgetting that I’m not exactly in sexy attire. 

“I’ve brought a contract,” he says, breezing by me and heading to kitchen to fix himself a drink before walking over to my couch. He’s clearly come from work, but he’s loosened his tie and rolled up his sleeves, indicating that he’s done for the day.

I sit beside him and confused mumble, “a contract?”

There’s a snort and he says, “Our negotiation? Or have you already forgotten?”

“No!” I exclaim, but my heart sinks knowing what’s most likely in here.

When I look over the papers, I’m surprised to discover that there’s no mention of parting ways with anyone. Instead the demands are...far more accommodating to my desires. 

The contract outlines in details how we shall entire an exploratory phase with each other, and will not finish until both parties are satisfied. This period has no deadline other that it will last until both parties are satisfied.

There is one catch. 

With each week that goes by, I have to say goodbye to one suitor. Two weeks, two men total. Three weeks...well, the decision will be made by then even should we not have a label on our relationship. 

Victor smiles as I realize the contract is outlined in a way should I have unlimited men, one would be sacrificed per week. 

He hands me an expensive looking fountain pen and asks, “Do we have a deal?”

I nod, taking the pen from him and signing my name next to where he’s already signed. 

“It’s a pleasure doing business with you,” he says and extends his hand for me to shake it. When I take it, he grabs me and pulls me into him, his other hand wrapping around the back of my head as he kisses me. 

It’s brief because of how we are situated on my couch, and he pulls me onto him so I’m straddling him as he unbuttons my top, before sucking on my breast. His tongue flicks at me while his hand gently pinches the other and I moan helplessly. 

“Is this what you wanted when you appeared in my office in that sheer blouse?” He teases, but I can’t formulate a reply. 

“Well?” He pushes again, not accepting my half moan half whimper as a response. 

“Yes but more.”

“What more? Describe it.”

It’s embarrassing to tell him everything I fantasized but I do and as I do I can feel him getting harder and harder underneath me. I can tell he loves hearing about the nights spent with nothing but myself and thoughts of him and he carries me to my bed, stripping me of my bottoms, and demands I show him what I did those nights. 

I’ve never touched myself in front of anyone before and it’s both nerve-racking and exhilarating. As I start to do it, he strips down in front of me and does the same. 

It’s the first time I’m seeing him like this, not just naked, but animalistic in the way he watches me. I can tell by the way he’s stroking himself that things are escalating for both of us. I don’t want to come because he still hasn’t really touched me, but he demands that I show him exactly what I did and I feel compelled to obey.

I cry out as a wave of pleasure rushes over me and moments later he’s kneeling between my legs on the bed, hovering over me as he finishes on my stomach.

We’re both panting as I hand him a tissue to wipe himself and I’m about to get dressed when he grabs my arm and stops me.

“We’re not done,” he says with a smile.

For a moment I’m surprised, but then excited at the thought that our first night together is only beginning.

Part 5

I hope you liked the fourth chapter of my steamy fic. As I’ve said before this is very out of my comfort zone but I tried to kick this up a notch! If you liked this, please comment, share, and like! I love seeing that :)

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[sortasirius]

“Last Call” and Canon Bi Dean

This is going to be very long, very rambly, and very emotional.

Really though, I had high expectations going into this, and quite honestly?  Jeremy Adams blew me away.

This episode is about Dean’s growth, it’s about who he was to Lee, and who he is now, about overcoming his own desire to just stop caring and keep on fighting for the innocent.  But most importantly to me?  This episode canonized bi Dean.

So let’s just get right into it, we know from the beginning that we’re meeting Lee, Dean’s old friend that Sam doesn’t really know or isn’t really close with, but the way Dean leaves?  He doesn’t want to bring down the mood of Sam and Eileen in his post breakup depression funk?  Good grief.

The bar is cool and right up Dean’s alley, and right out of the gate we get the promo scene with the waitress that we were all wigging out about.  And my hunch was right, Dean just kinda rolls right by, which man, Dean from season 1?  Hell no.  She’s just his type, clearly into him, and yet, Dean’s world literally falls away when he sees Lee Webb singing onstage.

You can’t really do justice to the way with words to the way that Dean looks when he sees Lee and realizes who he is, Jensen and Christian have so much NUANCE in their scenes together, and the history behind them is palpable, even though we don’t know the extent of it.  And Lee is just the same way, looking Dean up and down and “Dean Winchester,” just to hammer home that something is going on here and we should not ignore it.

“You got time?”  “Always.”  Bruh. There are so many details that we can pick up on about them, their relationship, who they were to each other.  Even Dean’s little “you sound good,” come on guys, what the fuck?

That’s another thing: why don’t we know the history?  Why do they shy away from talking about why they split apart?  Dean is clearly upset when Lee mentions Arizona, what happened?  Why did John and Dean never mention Lee? And obviously Lee knows John, hell he seems more sorry than Dean does that John’s dead, but then again, the Dean that Lee remembers idolized John, so that’s definitely a big change for Lee, because Dean clearly doesn’t idolize John anymore.

I just want to hear about everything that’s mentioned in the episode in more detail: Lee and Dean went hunting together, presumably alone, since John caught them drunk on a hunt.  What went on?  I think we know. How often did they hunt together? How long had they known each other? D E T A I L S please Jeremy Adams!!!

“I don’t think I have seen you since Sammy was in college.”

“Right.”

“I mean, hell, I thought you were-”

“Dead?”

Also Lee does this little teasing laugh and everything about them is soft and my chest hurts.

“I mean, that’s usually how this ends, isn’t it?”

And what I want to talk about here is Lee’s reaction, because he doesn’t shrug and do the usual “so it goes” that so many hunters do, he looks at Dean, like really looks at him, he sighs and says a simple “yeah” with this look that’s so soft and so full of something and Dean looks away (doing his eye motion thing he does with Cas) and Lee breaks contact too and looks down and smiles and oh my god.  I told yall this was going to be rambly but I didn’t draw breath while typing that lmao.

I wanna know about the Arizona thing, I want to know why it made Dean uncomfortable when Lee mentioned it, and I want to know why it’s glossed over.  These two were like best friends, you can tell, and for them to just stop talking?  Hm.

They swap tales, talking about the triplets that they “split em up fair and square” even though that’s not possible and they had an orgy obviously.  Dean has this look with the waitress again and you can tell he appreciates it but like?  That’s the end of it?  In the next scene she’s gone and it’s just Lee and Dean talking, Dean making Lee laugh and enjoying it, it’s just so...romantic?

And even though, the second that Lee doesn’t recognize someone he should puts all of us, as the audience on alert, it doesn’t even cross Dean’s mind that Lee is doing something wrong, it’s not even on his radar.

“There’s nothing you can’t have, man.”

“Then who’s gonna kill the bad guys?”

“Somebody else.”

And Dean looks away, because it’s clear what Lee is asking.  He’s asking for Dean to stay.

When Lee starts up the band, I was just struck by how much they look at each other, getting in each other’s space, Lee leaning forward, Dean watching him walk away.  Guys.  This happened in front of our faces on screen.

“Can’t sit around lip syncing ‘Eye of the Tiger’ when no one’s watching.”

This is a callback to the ghost sickness episode, but also an intimate moment that no one gets to see of Dean.  Sam catches him in the act of it on that episode, so how does Lee know he does this?

And then, let’s get to the singing.  Dean’s always postured to Sam that he can’t sing (which we all know Jensen has the voice of an angel) and the buildup to him actually singing was so beautiful, because Lee knows he can, he teases him with the “Eye of the Tiger” thing, winks at him, keeps trying to pull him onstage, stands there and bites his lip when Dean’s singing.  I mean.  I’m at a loss to what else you would think about them, it’s just plain as day: they were together.

The whole thing is just so playful, and we never see playful like this from Dean.  It’s flirty and funny and sweet and just such a nice change of pace, so good for Dean to be with someone that clearly wants to be with him, who he has history with (amidst the divorce he’s currently in w Cas).  Even when they sing together they can’t keep their eyes off of each other and the whole thing is honestly too much it’s so fanfic-y and I can’t handle it.

And then, the big thing, Lee slaps Dean’s ass in the middle of the song, and Dean doesn’t blush, he doesn’t stand up straighter like that’s weird or wrong, he grins this huge amazing beautiful grin and says “you son of a bitch.” What else are we looking for here?  He’s bi.  He’s bi.  With the lighting behind him and the bar named Swayze’s and Lee staring holes through him, we finally saw onscreen, canonical proof that he’s bi.  Sure, it’s been hella subtextual before, but this is text, and no one can ignore it.

At the end of the song, one of Lee’s hands is gripping Dean’s shoulder, and Dean’s arm is around Lee’s waist??????????  Help??????

They round it all out with kicking some gross guys out of Lee’s bar, and Lee stares at Dean and says “still got it.” I mean....I’m running out of ways to say the same thing over and over.

“Best friend’s don’t just leave without saying goodbye.”

“They do if they deserve it.”

Hmmmmmmmm, something to think about with these lines.

“Look, I don’t know what’s going on okay, but this is not you.”

Compare that with:

“Cas, this isn’t you, this isn’t you.”

Cool.  Fine.  I want to die.

Lee became the monster because he thought there was no point in being a good person anymore.  You can’t stave them off so you might as well “have a little fun.”  Which I think is interesting because of how apathetic and hopeless Dean’s been since Chuck, since Jack, since Mary, since Rowena, but when it comes down to it, he’s always going to care, which is why we love him.

But what I really want to talk about is the way Dean’s face twists when Lee touches him, he turns his head away, his face contorts, like he wanted Lee to touch him, but not like this.  We’ve seen Dean’s heart break so much in this show, he’s lost so much and so many, but this is something so different.  It’s not only betrayal, or a realization that he has to kill Lee, it’s the loss of what he had with Lee, what he felt for him.  It hurts to watch as an audience member, and I can’t imagine how it is for Dean.

Dean’s voice also breaks when he tries to call Lee back, in case you still had any tears left to cry.

The gunfight is intense, but not nearly as intense as what’s coming.

“I don’t know you.”

“You don’t Dean?  I am you.  I’m just you that woke up and saw that the world was broken.”

“Then you fix it.  You don’t walk away, you fight for it!”

No double meanings in this episode are there?  Perhaps this is a little bit of what happened between them all those years ago bubbling to the surface?

And then we get one of the best fight scenes in the show, and you know when Dean gets that cue stick, that it’s game over for Lee, but what I wasn’t expecting is the sheer heartbreak on Dean’s face.  They both look down at the wound, like they’re both surprised, and Lee holds Dean, he fucking holds him, and this fucking piano music plays when Lee says “okay” and drops to the floor, and Dean leans against the pool table because fuck, how much more can he lose?

And because not even THAT is enough, ten seconds of divorced Destiel distress?  Where Dean clearly wants to talk to Cas but Cas is still giving him the cold shoulder and it breaks Dean’s heart but he doesn’t know how to fix it????

There’s just so much to unpack here, the show is teaching us new things about Sam and Dean and Cas all the time, and yet I feel like I really know Dean know, I;ve seen a little bit of him that I had never seen before, and I’m just grateful. I’m grateful for Dean, grateful for these writers, grateful for his growth.  I’m grateful for the angst and the happiness he had with Lee, however fleeting, and I’m grateful that I get to leave this episode with the fact that Dean is oncreen bi.  Sure, it can be up to interpretation, he didn’t come out and say it, but that’s because he didn’t have to.  Lee knew, so we knew, and that was all that mattered.

This silly, weird show is important to me for so many reasons, (clearly, since I talk about it all the damn time), but Dean especially is so important to me, I see so much of myself in him, and him being allowed to be him, without some grand coming out scene is even better than I could have ever hoped for.  So thank you, Jeremy Adams, for giving us bi Dean, and one of my absolute all time favorite episodes in the show.

[readyplayerhobi]

Silver Bells and Cockle Shells

; Widower Single Dad!Hoseok x Reader

; Genre: Angst, fluff, smut

; Word Count: 22.2k

; Warnings: Mentions of death, grief, depression, insinuated blowjob and car sex, penetrative sex, masturbation, fingering

; Synopsis: Jung Hoseok has three beautiful daughters whom he loves more than anything in the world; Soo-ah, Ji-eun and Ji-soo. For five years now, it’s been only them and him against the world. But what happens when he wants to bring someone new into their lives?

; A/N: Hello, this is something I just randomly got in my head. Was meant to be a drabble...ha, evidently not. I half edited this but full honesty, I got bored and just wanted it out! If you like it, pleeeease reblog it! Leave me lovely comments and feedback, send asks and like it! I hope you enjoy this and that...it’s not boring or anything ;-;

; Sequel - Sleigh Bells Ring

-

“Soo-ah!” Hoseok cursed, frowning deeply as he bent over and picked up the toothbrush she’d carelessly dropped to the floor after she’d brushed her teeth for bed. “Pick up your stuff after yourself!”

Sometimes he felt like he spent half his day chasing around after his daughters to put his house back together. Honestly, going to work could be classed as a relief at this stage in his life. Pausing for a moment, he stared at himself in the finger printed mirror before letting out a deep sigh and rolling his eyes. 

He was too young to be thinking like that. At only 33, he was pretty sure that he should only just be experiencing the stress he’d endured for the past ten years. His friends certainly were only just beginning to understand what he’d gone through.

Already, Jimin had started whining about how tired he was with his newborn son which was making Namjoon start to blanch whenever they met up and the conversation started. His own wife was due in three months and Hoseok was looking forward to being as smug as humanly possible whenever the younger man complained himself.

They’d all had to endure years of Namjoon saying it can’t be that bad and encouraging them all to simply remain calm and all that bullshit he spouted in his daily role as a psychiatrist. It had made Hoseok want to hiss fire at him when the man had no concept of trying to cope with two colicky babies alongside a five-year-old who tantrumed over the wrong breakfast cereal.

The man had it coming, Hoseok swore. A small, sinister part of him was hoping that Namjoon’s baby would be the antichrist but then he pushed that thought away. In actuality, he hoped that Namjoon and his wife would have the most pleasant experience as parents.

No matter what, he was positive it would be better than his own experience.

Putting the toothbrush back into its place, he crouched down to grab the cleaner and sprayed the mirror in an even coating, placing the bottle back before grabbing a cloth and wiping the mirror clean. It was stupid, but the pristine surface soothed a part of him that screamed out at the sheer tornado of chaos his children caused.

His love for his daughters was infinite and he would happily give up his own life to protect them and ensure their unending happiness; but sometimes he also just wanted to scream in frustration. Sighing heavily, he rests his hands on the counter and looks down into the sink, brows furrowing together once more as he notes the stains of toothpaste spit that has dried on the porcelain and a deep groan runs through him.

A full clean of the house will have to be done this weekend. He’ll have time to do it as his parents are taking the girls to the aquarium and then a movie for the day after a sleepover. And then, after a whole day of cleaning, they would come back to a nice house with everything in its place and it would all go back to looking exactly how it had in the morning within hours.

Rubbing his hand over his face, he licks at his lips and looks back in the mirror. Said hand soon moves to run through his hair, pushing the sleek, black strands out of his face and he notes idly that he needs to get it cut. The sides are getting too long and he scowls slightly, pushing at the hair that should be shaved close to the sides of his head.

Maybe he could take the girls to get their hair done and then ask if the hairdresser would quickly do his as well. They’d be entertained with each other for a while, surely? Or maybe he could run out on Saturday while they’re gone and get it sorted. He did need to go shopping to buy groceries for dinner and it would make sense to do it at the same time. Hoseok had become very adept at finding time to fit multiple things together.

His stomach flipped nervously as he thought about dinner. 

If everything went right with the conversation he was about to have with his girls, then Saturday evening would be the first time he would introduce you to them. For five years now, Hoseok had raised his beloved daughters as a single father.

It hadn’t been out of choice. 

His eldest daughter, Soo-ah had turned ten-years-old in March this year. She’d been born when he was 23, a surprise pregnancy with his college sweetheart. They’d married a year later and Hoseok had enjoyed four wonderful and happy years with Soo-ah and the woman he’d considered the love of his life, Yoo-jin. 

A second pregnancy occurred when they had both been 27; this time it was planned and very much wanted. On October 29th, two beautiful twin girls had been born and Hoseok’s heart had swollen even more with love and affection. Ji-eun and Ji-soo were perfection in human form to him.

October 29th had also been the last day his wife had been alive. 

Complications from the strain of birthing both girls had taken his wife from him, and he’d suddenly been alone in the world with three daughters relying on him. Grief had taken a backseat as he’d thrown himself into the three innocent lives that needed him so desperately and it had been the hardest thing he’d ever done.

Crippling depression had hit him hard with the loss of Yoo-jin and sometimes the very sight of his kids had caused him to burst into tears as he’d thought about how she wouldn’t get to see their daughters grow and experience life. It had been even harder with two newborn girls who had demanded every moment of his time and attention, leading to him having to take time off work as a software engineer at first and then work from home once his leave ran out.

What had been even worse though, was that not only was he trying to cope with his own grief but that he also had to cope with Soo-ah’s. She’d been only five-years-old. Her mommy and daddy had gone to the hospital one day and had promised to bring back her baby siblings.

Only daddy and two sisters had come home. She hadn’t understood why mommy wasn’t coming back and for two whole months, Soo-ah started and ended every day asking when mommy was coming home. Everytime, his eyes had watered and his throat tightened as he’d had to tell her that mommy wasn’t going to come home, that she’d gone to the sky to watch after them all.

They say kids understand more than you expect, but it had still taken a long time for her to grasp the concept that her mommy was gone. He hadn’t been able to say that she had died, and he’d broken down the night that she’d turned six. Hoseok had tried to make it a happy and fun time for her, but it had only been five months since Yoo-jin had passed and Soo-ah hadn’t been coping too well.

She’d been happy at the start of her party, accepting her presents from all her friends and her many uncles and aunts who doted on her immensely. Her grandparents had already visited earlier in the day and Hoseok knew that everyone was spoiling her to try and make up for the one thing missing from her day.

Later on, she’d begun to act out and had a tantrum that resulted in the party ending earlier than expected. Hoseok had known that she might exhibit behaviour like this; she was just a child and it was a big emotion for her to compute. The happiness and excitement of everything, combined with seeing the other kids with their mom’s had simply been too much.

When he’d put her to bed that night, giving her lots of extra kisses and cuddles, she’d been quiet and sullen. It had broken his heart and yet again, he hadn’t known what to do. There wasn’t a manual for this.

But what had destroyed him had been what she asked him, her voice tiny and more than a little fragile as she curled up in his arms beneath her Mickey Mouse bedding. 

“Mommy’s dead. That’s why she’s not coming home. Right?” How he had got the strength to carry on that conversation with her without falling apart right then and there, he’d never known. But he had. And then he had checked on the twins before falling into his own bed, his pillow soaked with his own tears as pain had eaten at him.

Five years had passed since, and with time it had gotten a little better. His heart no longer aches when he thinks of Yoo-jin and he could talk about her openly with a smile. He made sure to keep her photos in the house for his daughters, reminding them of their mom and letting them know that she loved them. Each of their rooms, the single for Soo-ah and the room that Ji-eun and Ji-soo shared as they refused to sleep apart, was decorated with pictures of Yoo-jin and Hoseok.

It made him sad to know that he had no photos of Yoo-jin and the twins for them, but they’d never asked about her either. They had never grown up with a mom, so they never thought anything of it. Soo-ah had though, and while she had slowly turned back into the happy and loving girl he’d known, he knew that she would never forget her mom.

Nor would he want her to.

But for five years, he’d only limited himself to one-night-stand’s in which both he and the recipient were abundantly clear that there wasn’t going to be anything further. He hadn’t wanted to engage in romance, hadn’t wanted his feelings to get involved. All he had wanted was the relief of an orgasm and the intimacy of another person for a few hours.

His parents had encouraged him to go on a few blind dates in the last two years, and he had done so reluctantly. Even Yoo-jin’s parents had told him that they wanted him to be happy, even if that meant finding someone new to love.

It was hard though. He’d felt disloyal with the first few dates, even if they’d just ended up in casual sex before never seeing each other again. Most of them hadn’t been interested in anything further with a man who had three young daughters. He hadn’t been interested in them once they gave him that opinion.

So he hadn’t bothered mentioning it after, because he simply hadn’t wanted to engage in anything that would involve feelings. 

Until you.

He’d met you a year ago, when Jungkook’s wife had brought you to one of his summer barbecue get togethers. It had been before anyone else in their friend group besides from Hoseok and Seokjin had had kids, so it had been deemed a kid free event to allow the parents to kick back and relax.

Yoo-jin’s parents had taken the kids for the day and Hoseok had got to simply be himself for a few hours without having the stress of constantly checking on what his kids were doing. He’d discovered that three children meant three times the amount of potential damage and carnage that could be caused, and minus another parent figure resulted in just overall disaster material.

Hoseok still shuddered in horror whenever he thought of the supermarket experience from two years ago. Even now, he refused to go back there from sheer embarrassment.

But you had simply been there as a friend, and at first he hadn’t even paid attention to you in any way other than simple respect. You’d been sweet and friendly, if a bit shy as it had been obvious that everyone knew each other except for you. Chae-young, Jungkook’s wife, was a colleague of yours and you’d become close through a mutual love of equestrian activities.

At the time, that was as much as he’d known about you alongside your name, age and that you were the manager of a sales team in an office. There hadn’t been any need for him to know more, but by the end of the night he’d been quietly endeared by you.

He hadn’t laughed as much in years, his smile bright and wide on his face while he talked intently with you. For three whole hours, you’d both been in a little bubble of shared mutual interests from tennis to dancing to pop culture. Neither had noticed the subtle glances everyone was giving each other as they watched their friend, who had spent so many years with his light dim and subdued, come to life before their eyes.

Before he’d even realised what he was doing, you had both swapped numbers and he’d enjoyed a few weeks of casual interaction via text. He’d enjoyed the conversation with someone new and had been determined to not let his busy life get in the way.

Even better, you’d already known about his kids and hadn’t been bothered in the slightest. In fact, you’d even been inquisitive and he’d happily discussed them, pride behind every word. The texts had soon turned into phone conversations which soon turned into video chats.

Soon enough, he’d been meeting you for lunch in the city at a cafe that was between both your workplaces. Hoseok hadn’t realised how close Chae-young worked to him until then, and he’d enjoyed his lunches more than he ever had with the easy conversation that flowed between you both. 

It was ironic really. He’d spent so long not looking for anything that he didn’t even realise when something wonderful fell right into his lap. And you were wonderful, beyond wonderful.

For the first time in over a decade, Hoseok had gone to bed early to simply lay there, curled up under the covers, while he texted you like a teenage boy with his first crush. And that’s what he’d felt like, even if he hadn’t quite realised it. Every text had made his stomach flip and every call made him breathless with nerves.

He found himself going to the bathroom before lunch, checking over his hair and looks before meeting up with you. Things he saw in the store that reminded him of you found their way into his basket before ending up in your hands, all to see that pretty smile that made him feel so funny.

It had been so long since he’d dated properly, so long since he’d liked anyone in more than just a lust filled euphoria, that he just hadn’t realised what was happening. And it had taken his mom, of all people, to point it out to him.

He’d been at theirs one afternoon, the girls playing in the living room with the toys their grandparents had accumulated over the years while he sat at the island in the kitchen. His mom had been watching him for five whole minutes instead of preparing the meal for that night, observing the way her son smiled and laughed to himself, eyes locked on his screen.

It had made tears come to her eyes when she had realised that she hadn’t seen him like this since Yoo-jin had been alive. She had queried him who he was talking to, causing him to casually say your name without a second thought. And then she had asked him how long he had been dating you, which had thrown him for a loop.

“I’m not dating her. We’re just friends.” He hadn’t even realised he’d said those fateful words out loud, hadn’t realised the meaning of what he’d just said. In his mind, that was exactly what you were. Friends.

Which was why his mom had given me an exasperated smile and a shake of her head. “Hoseok, sweetheart. If you’re not dating her, then you should be. I haven’t seen you this happy in...a long time. Especially not with another woman.”

Hoseok had frozen then, staring down at his phone with a frown as his mother’s words had finally penetrated the shield that he had held so tightly around his heart for half a decade now. The last text you had sent him had been something stupid, but he’d gripped his phone tight as he’d realised she was right. You made him happy, you made him want to try.

And that made him feel guilty.

She’d spent the rest of the afternoon convincing him that it was okay to move on, to truly move on and find happiness with someone else. That night, he’d refrained from texting you as he’d tried to compute his newfound emotions and find a place for them to sit alongside everything else in him.

For so long, he’d thought that Yoo-jin would have been the only woman for him. The woman that he would grow old with, be buried next to and so forth. And then she had died at only 28, and he’d been without her once more. He’d spent years convinced that he should stay loyal to her, after all, they hadn’t broken up.

But as he’d laid there that night, he’d worked through the guilt that wracked him as he’d realised that he didn’t want to be alone anymore. He didn’t want to wake up alone, in a cold bed and come home to only his children. Hoseok loved his kids, he truly did, but he wanted someone that he could talk to, laugh with, argue with if necessary, be intimate with. 

He wanted someone to love again, and he wanted to be loved in turn.

Everyone had always said that he had a big heart, always ready to bestow it on whoever had his affections that day. A smile that could light up the sun and so forth. And for five years, he’d only poured love into his daughters because they were all he had.

As he’d gone to sleep that night, he had contented himself with the knowledge that he was no longer happy with his lonely situation. But he planned to do something about it, because he had also realised that he liked you, and he wanted to pour that love into you too if you would let him.

The very next lunch he had with you, he had asked you on a date. His confidence had faltered halfway through as panic had suddenly set in, worry that you wouldn’t want to date a 33-year-old father of three. But you had smiled brightly, face lighting up with such happiness and excitement that he’d been unable to not smile back, before eagerly accepting.

That had been six months ago, and he had fallen in love with you slowly every day since.

Despite this though, he had yet to introduce you to the girls. There were many reasons for this and he’d been pleased that you had accepted them all without complaint. The most important reason was because Hoseok hadn’t wanted to introduce anyone to them if it wasn’t going to end up serious.

It would just hurt them if you broke up and they never saw you again, and he wasn’t ready to impart that kind of emotional turmoil on his little girls. Secondly, he hadn’t wanted to pressure you into doing anything with his kids when you didn’t have to. You weren’t their mom, nor were you looking to be and he didn’t want to force that role on you. 

He’d wanted you to feel comfortable enough to finally meet them, and he’d wanted to feel comfortable enough in his relationship for you to meet them. But also, he’d just wanted to enjoy you to himself without the interference of children.

Hoseok loved his kids, he would never give them up and his whole life revolved around them really. Yet his relationship with you was the first thing in five years that he’d had solely to himself, untouched by their presence. He felt selfish thinking that way, but he’d just wanted to enjoy you a little longer without the pressure of parental expectations.

After six months though, he’d finally decided that it was time. It had been a huge decision, and he’d agonised over it a few weeks before finally talking it through with you. He’d had to be sure that you even wanted to meet them, because as worried as he was for how his daughters would react to you, he couldn’t even imagine what it must be like for you.

You’d started dating him in the knowledge he had three kids, but knowing and actually seeing and being a part of those small lives was entirely different. Most women probably didn’t start dating someone with a ready made family, and he’d stressed a little over that.

Dating him seriously meant you would be directly involved with his daughters. He didn’t want you to think that he wanted a second mom for them, because he didn’t and he doubted his daughters wanted that either, but it would be hard for you to avoid some parental activities.

And that wasn’t even thinking about whether or not you actually wanted children in the future. There was a chance that you might think he might not want more kids because he already had three, but you had none. Overall, it had taken a lot of thinking before he’d finally proposed the idea of introducing you.

He wanted to be able to bring you home, cuddle up with you on the couch after a long day without having to worry about the girls finding out. Eventually move onto you staying the night, hopefully one day in the future even moving in together. He had kids, yes, but that didn’t mean that he couldn’t have a relationship like everyone else.

Hoseok wanted to give you as normal a relationship as he could, despite the three extra people he came with as standard.

You’d been sweet about the whole thing though, consoling him and letting him know that you were supportive of whatever decision he made. There weren’t enough words in the English language for him to convey how much he appreciated how easy-going you were about it all and he’d just fallen even harder for you.

It was a little odd really, how quickly he’d realised he loved you. Admittedly, he’d spent months without even realising he liked you, but he’d told you those three special words within three months. He’d taken half a year to tell Yoo-jin, and he wasn’t sure what that meant. If it meant anything.

But all of this was completely moot if his girls decided they didn’t want to meet you. They were allowed that decision, and Hoseok was fully prepared to love you separately for a while until they got used to the idea. He didn’t want to, but he wouldn’t force someone onto them if they didn’t want it. Nor was he willing to break up with you solely for that reason.

He loves his daughters, but he refuses to let them rule his life entirely. Just as he works hard they’re happy, he knows that he’s entitled to happiness himself.

Pushing away from the counter, he takes a deep breath before heading into the twin’s room. The bathroom was the one all the girl’s shared while he had his own thanks to the en-suite. Something he was positive that he was going to be very thankful for when they all hit teenage years.

The twin’s room was pure chaos, as expected. He’d long since given up trying to keep this room tidy. Instead, he would simply go through once a day and make it look less like a bomb had gone off in it. 

There was plenty of room in the house for them to have a room each, there were actually two spare bedrooms in this ridiculously large house he’d bought with Yoo-jin years ago. It had been cheap purely because it had needed to have a lot of stuff fixed in it, but over the years he’d worked with both friends and family to turn it into the family home it was today.

But splitting the twins up had proven to be an unthinkable act. He’d tried it once when they were four and they’d screamed and cried for hours before going quiet. Thinking they were asleep, he’d gone to check on them only to discover that Ji-eun had gotten out of her bed and was curled up in Ji-soo’s bed.

The very next day, he’d moved her stuff back into the room and they’d been content ever since. Twins were funny, he mused to himself as he watched them both lying beneath Ji-eun’s Iron Man bedding, his iPad in Ji-soo’s hands as they both watched a movie.

He had refused to let them have an iPad, even a joint-owned one as he didn’t want to end up being that dad whose kids spent all their time on a screen. Even now, they were limited to only two hours of screen time a day. Soo-ah was the same, only she was allowed to use the computer to do her homework when necessary as well.

It caused them to whine a lot but he instead encouraged them to play, read books or even use the board games he’d bought. Thankfully, they were pretty happy with it despite the minor whining but he knew that his policy was going to have to change soon. Particularly for Soo-ah.

“Hey you two, how are my little pumpkins?” He said with a bright smile as he crouched down next to the bed. Two sets of identical eyes flicked over to him, their warm chocolate depths filled with sleepiness and fondness swelled in him.

“Hi daddy,” Ji-soo whispered, the tiny mole on her cheek being the only way to distinguish her from her younger sister. Her black hair shone with health in the warm light of the Avengers lamp on the bedside table and Hoseok reached out, stroking the flyaway strands down. Ji-eun was too busy watching the iPad and he smiled, resting his head on the bed next to them both and watching quietly.

There was only a few more minutes until it was over, and he took the tablet from them before switching it off and placing it next to him on the floor. The door creaked open and all three looked over, taking in Soo-ah’s frown as she looked at her sisters and dad.

He’d asked her to come into the twins room once she’d gotten into her pyjamas and he grinned at her mismatching clothes. A Mickey Mouse t-shirt was combined with Batman bottoms but he chose not to say anything as she flipped her long, black hair behind her shoulder in a movement that reminded him so strongly of Yoo-jin.

The twins were growing to look like him, but Soo-ah was all Yoo-jin. It was a soft ache sometimes to look at her, but it just made him love her all the more.

Gesturing to her with an open arm, she tucked herself into his side where he knelt and he kissed the crown of her head with a loud ‘mwah’, enjoying the way she wiggled and whined in protest. She was reaching the age where affection from him was met with embarrassment but he didn’t care.

“Are you all excited to go to grandma and grandpa’s tomorrow?” All three of them nod, excitement lighting up their eyes and he has to bite his inner cheek to stop the grin that wants to paint itself onto his face. His parents spoil them, they truly do. He has no doubt when he picks them up on Saturday that they’ll have eaten their weight in sugary goods and will likely have another toy each.

“Good, they’re looking forward to having you too. I want you all on your best behaviour, yeah?” Each little girl gives another nod and he goes soft with pride for them all. They were truly the most important things in his life and he squeezed Soo-ah a little tighter in response.

“So...err,” He paused, brow creasing as he realised that he didn’t know how to go about this. “On Saturday, we’re going to have dinner with someone. She’s...she’s someone very special to daddy.”

“Is she your girlfriend?” Ji-soo asks innocently, her eyes filling with curiosity and he smiles in response, running his fingers through her hair once more before nodding.

“Yes...she is. I...she’s been daddy’s friend for a while now, and daddy really likes her. So...I want to make sure that you all are okay with that? I don’t want to bring her if you’re not going to be happy.” This is possibly one of the most awkward he’s things he’s done in a while but he preserves, hoping that his daughters will understand and accept.

“Do you love her?” Ji-eun asks and Hoseok freezes, his eyes widening. He feels it’s far too soon to confirm that for them when he’s only just telling them so he shakes his head instead, leaning over to kiss her forehead.

“I like her a lot. She makes me very happy and I want you all to get to meet her. She’s excited to meet you if you want to. But it’s only if you want to.” There’s silence for a few moments more before the twins nod enthusiastically with smiles that resemble his own so much.

“Okay daddy.” They both respond at the same time, causing him to chuckle as that odd twin telepathy happens again. It weirded him out sometimes but it mostly just made him glad that they had each other.

Soo-ah hasn’t responded and he looks down at her, noting the way her eyes are downcast and her body is tight. His heart sinks slightly, knowing that she was going to be the one that he had the most trouble with. 

She was the one who remembered her mom, who vaguely remembered scenes of her mommy and daddy hugging and kissing, whispering they loved each other. It was always going to be the hardest with her, and he wondered how long it would take for her to accept it. If she ever did.

But then she surprises him with a slight shrug, her fingers tracing unseen shapes into his jean covered thigh, her lips pursed out in a tiny pout. “Okay dad.”

Her tone isn’t nearly as enthusiastic as the twins and he frowns slightly, kissing the twins goodnight and turning the lamp off before he gently encourages Soo-ah out of the room. She doesn’t speak on the way to her own bedroom, the interior of this room a soft purple that’s decorated with numerous horse posters.

Without a word, she climbs into her bed and curls up with her back to him underneath the covers. His heart clenched tightly as he sits down next to her, the mattress dipping and causing her to roll slightly towards him. Neither says anything for a moment as he simply runs his fingers through her hair gently, enjoying the way it feels and thinking about how big his little girl was getting.

“Soo-ah? Are you really okay with it? It’s okay if you’re not,” He whispered, looking away from her to the bookcase opposite him that’s filled to the brim with books. “She’s nice, I think you’ll like her. She goes horse-riding and knows so much about them.” 

“What about mommy?” And there it is, the very thing he was looking forward to least. His breath leaves him in a deep and heavy sigh while his head drops down momentarily as he tries to put his thoughts together into cohesive speech. This is all very new and alien to her and he’d always known it was going to be a tougher sell to her than the twins. They’d only ever had daddy, she’d had both.

“Mommy is still here with us Soo-soo, she’s not being forgotten. I still love her so much and I know that she still loves you. Y/N isn’t going to replace mommy, I swear.” Soo-ah stays curled up, her body tight and he grits his teeth, hating that he had to go through this with her.

“What if you fall in love with Y/N and forget about mommy? I don’t want another mommy. What if she’s mean? What if she hates us and tells you that she doesn’t want us?” Wow, this is way more questions than he’d anticipated from merely asking if they’d be okay with meeting you but he got the suspicion that these were things Soo-ah had worried over for the last few years.

Which meant he had to go very carefully, otherwise things could go very wrong.

“You’re not going to get another mommy, I don’t want that for you. You had one mommy, and you always will. Y/N doesn’t want make you unhappy, she’s not expecting you to love her or treat her like a mom. She also doesn’t hate you and she would never tell me make me choose. She’s known about you all the whole time I’ve known her and she’s excited to meet you all. I’ve told her so much about my smart girls. And she’s not mean. She’s one of the nicest people I’ve ever met. I wouldn’t bring someone into your life that I didn’t trust and like. I swear Soo-soo.”

She’s quiet for a moment longer before shrugging again, her body relaxing as she lets out a deep sigh. “Okay,” His shoulders relax as he senses the acknowledgement in that one word. “I love you daddy.”

Biting his lip, he knows that she’s still not entirely okay with it and he also knows that he’s going to have to be very careful on Saturday. He loves Soo-ah, but he knows that she can be temperamental around things like this, with valid reason, obviously. But he also knows that she doesn’t really know what to think, hence her calling him ‘daddy’, something that she hadn’t done for 3 years now.

“I love you too Soo-soo.” Bending over, he kisses her head goodnight before leaving her room too, resting his back against her door as he lets his head fall back and a deep sigh leaves him. He hopes you know how much he truly loves you with how willing he is to let you into his life, because for him and his little family, this is the biggest earthquake to strike since the death of Yoo-jin.

Only this time, he hopes that that result afterwards would be happy instead of painful.

-

Hoseok lets out a happy groan of delight as he bites into the greasy pizza, the tangy cheese contrasting wonderfully to the meaty pepperoni and rich tomato base. It tastes far too good and a voice in the back of his mind tuts at the wilful carbs he’s adding into his body. He’s not as young as he once was and keeping off the weight was beginning to be a little harder nowadays, but he pushed that thought firmly away.

You liked his body, even if he wasn’t as toned as he had been ten years ago. But whatever, you weren’t dating 23-year-old Hoseok and 33-year-old Hoseok didn’t give a damn when the pizza tasted this fucking good. 

A light chuckle sounded from his right and he glanced over, finding you watching him with amusement dancing in your eyes while a bemused smile played on your lips as you chewed on your own slice of pizza. Once you’d realised that you’d caught his attention, you swallow your piece before leaning over to wipe at the grease on his lips with undeniable affection and his stomach felt a little bit fuzzy.

He was being honest when he said that you made him happy, because you really did. In fact, he was pretty sure that this was the happiest he had been in five years and sometimes he got a little sappy and emotional about it. So long had been spent purposefully isolating himself for his daughters that he hadn’t really understood what he was missing out on again.

But, he conceded to himself, he was glad of that as well. Because he wouldn’t have started a relationship with you if he’d started dating earlier. So he was content with his earlier decisions, content with you.

Having kids and losing a wife had really turned him way more emotional than he’d used to be, but he reasoned that it was okay. He’d just learned what it was like to lose something he loved dearly, and he had spent years regretting not loving Yoo-jin more fiercely. Which was why he was determined to make sure that you knew exactly how much he loved you, for however long you both lasted.

He would not make the same mistake twice.

“Enjoying that?” You ask him, expression mischievous as you take the pizza crust he hands you and start to eat it with a joyful hum. Hoseok simply watches for a moment before nodding with a grin.

“Do you know...how nice it is to get to eat junk food?” A snort leaves you as you roll your eyes, shifting until your back is against the cushion on the couch and you pull your legs up. You’re only wearing some bed shorts and an oversized logo shirt with the Star Wars logo on it, both faded from overwashing but still comfortable.

“Am I supposed to feel sorry for you? You’re the one who chooses the meals in your house. If you want junk food, then just eat junk food.” The way you say it is completely casual but Hoseok gasps in mock outrage, a hand resting on his chest.

“How rude! You’re supposed to be complimenting me on how wonderful of a father I am because I make sure my daughters are eating the healthiest food! Did you know, we haven’t had chocolate in our house for over a year now? Only health snacks allowed.” A droll stare is all he gets in response and he squirms slightly, trying his hardest not to let his lower lip pout out.

You were two years younger than him and also childless, yet sometimes he felt like you were the older one and also the parent. 

“Blatantly false. I distinctly remember you eating a Kit Kat the other week in bed when we facetimed. I thought lying was bad Hobi?” You’ve got him there and he finally lets his lips purse before he chuckles in defeat, nodding his head.

“Okay fine, we have one day of junk food a week. But they’re not allowed anything unhealthy unless they’ve done something really good, like got a really good grade or done some chores around the house. Me on the other hand...well, let’s say I might have a secret stash hidden somewhere in the house that little girl’s can’t reach.” His hand waves airily as he speaks and you burst into laughter, reaching out with one foot to push at his thigh.

Without even thinking about it, he lowers his hand to rest on your leg and runs his fingers along your skin affectionately. There’s no pizza left anymore and instead he focuses on sliding his hands along your calf, digging into the muscles there and massaging gently until you let out a soft sigh.

Silence falls between you both, the comfortable kind where neither of you feels the need to speak. The television is playing some Netflix Original series while the lingering scent of pizza still fills the air.

He’d come over to yours for the night, enjoying the fact that he was actually able to spend the whole night with you. His parents had asked to have the girls last week tonight and he’d agreed happily, knowing that it meant he could spend more time than usual with you. Staying over was only possible when the girl’s were not home, and that was pretty rare.

Your apartment was pretty small, the size dictated by what you could afford in combination with the car you had and the salary you earnt. But he liked it all the same. It was filled with a combination of pop culture in the form of figurines and plushies everywhere alongside beautiful paintings that hung on the walls or elegant photographs of landscapes. 

Candles dotted the area, a few lit to fight the pizza scent with vanilla and he smiled as he felt himself relax both physically and mentally. There was no hint of children here, no toys thrown around or crayons half hidden underneath furniture. He obviously loved his kids but sometimes it was nice to just...have somewhere that didn’t look like Toys R Us had thrown up in it. 

In actuality, he found dating as an adult slightly odd. The last time he’d properly dated had been with Yoo-jin, and that had been over ten years ago. He’d been a student when they’d got together, only 21 and he’d had a young adult’s mindset to go with it too. At the time, all he cared about was his grades, partying, getting drunk and getting laid.

Not necessarily in that order.

Okay, definitely not in that order.

A job, taxes, bills, childcare, children and so forth hadn’t even entered his head really. Dating back then had simply meant meeting up with Yoo-jin after class and going back to the apartment he’d shared with Yoongi and Namjoon, fooling around for a few hours before crashing in bed. Maybe going to a party or actually doing his homework.

The most stress he’d had was exam period, or maybe that time he forgot to hand in his term paper and he’d been handed his ass by Professor Lee in History of Medieval Europe. That hadn’t been fun.

Dating had been almost...relaxing with how carefree it had been. How unburdened with the stress and realities of life.

Dating now was far different. Now he had to fit in his dates with you in his lunch breaks or the rare evening he could get someone to watch the girls. Talking was relegated to when they were in bed and a lot of the conversations often ended up being about world events or problems with a job or co-worker. It felt mundane and if he thought about it, boring, but he oddly didn’t mind.

Being with Yoo-jin in the early stages had been exciting and fun, dates being extravagant and wild. Being you was different. In Yoo-jin, he’d sought excitement but with you he sought comfort and quiet. A way to simply be Jung Hoseok, the man, again instead of being Jung Hoseok the father or colleague.

He felt a little sad that he didn’t get to experience the wildness with you, but then again, he felt far too tired for that anyway. It was only 8pm and he was already contemplating asking if you wanted to go to bed. Not even for sex, but just because he was tired. 

Though he wouldn’t say no to sex. 

That was definitely something that he’d discovered was perhaps even better than with Yoo-jin, which he’d felt a little guilty about at first. Sure, he perhaps couldn’t go as often as he had when he was 21 but it was just...better.

Both of you were far more experienced and knew exactly what you liked and didn’t like in the bedroom, and you were both mature enough to be honest and open about it. He’d been mortified to find out that he hadn’t actually given Yoo-jin an orgasm for six whole months because she’d been too shy to tell him whereas you’d told him exactly what to do for the very first time you’d slept together.

He’d been a little shocked actually, but it had resulted in perhaps the best sex he’d had in a long time. Particularly for two people who had never had sex with each other. And yet it had; he’d never felt such an intense and emotional connection with someone before and it had even frightened him a little bit, made him feel disloyal because he couldn’t ever remember Yoo-jin like that.

It had taken a quiet discussion with Namjoon over his guilt to realise that the sex was probably better because you were the first person he’d slept with that he’d been friends with beforehand, who he’d fallen for long before. Yoo-jin had been a one night stand that had turned into something more, but he’d known you for months.

Sex with you was some of the best he’d ever had, and it blew his mind even more because you hadn’t even had a huge amount of it in the past six months. The lack of time he had for meeting up with you meant that there just wasn’t time for it and so he’d had to fit it in where he could.

For the first time in well over ten years, he’d actually had freaking car sex. And it was not as pleasurable as he remembered. His cheeks flushed as he recalled that incident vividly. It was perhaps not his best moment sexually, but you’d both handled it so well.

it hadn’t even ended in an orgasm because you’d got cramp from bending over and he’d hit his head against you when he’d jerked forward in worry. It had ended up with you back in the passenger seat and giving him a blowjob while he’d felt guilty as hell over not being able to properly reciprocate.

But even that had proven how compatible you were with each other as only minutes later, with his cum still dripping down your face from where you’d overestimated your deep throating abilities and practically coughed it all back up, the two of you had been giggling like teenagers at the failed sex.

A snort leaves him as he remembers it and he shakes his head in response to the look of query you give him, tugging at your leg until you give in and move over to him. He smiles in victory as you curl into his side, your warmth pleasant against him while he wraps his arm around you comfortably, pressing his lips to your head and simply taking the smell of you in.

You smelt like the perfume he’d bought you for your birthday last month, a fruity candy scent because that’s what you loved above all else and he loved it. It made him want to eat you, and he felt a stirring in his groin as he considered doing just that.

“Are you sure they’re okay about tomorrow?” Your voice is soft and quiet but he can hear the insecurity behind it. He understands why. The two of you had made sure to have an in depth conversation about what would come about from you being introduced to his daughters.

You’d known that it would mean sometimes you would come to his place which would mean interacting with them on a personal level. Dates would sometimes end up being family events and they would come in tow. Quite simply, the longer you continue to date and the more the two of you settle into your relationship, the more integrated you would become into his own family.

He could hardly date you seriously and never include you with his own family. Particularly if he ever hoped to move you in one day. No, you would need to know what you were getting yourself into and needed to be accepting of that.

Just as he didn’t want to force something on his daughters, he didn’t want to force a family on you.

As much as he said to Soo-ah that you wouldn’t be replacing her mom, it would be impossible for you to not take on some mother aspects for them. Firstly, it just wouldn’t be fair to be in a long term relationship with him and never expect to do anything with his kids considering how young they were.

Secondly, you were a kind and nurturing person anyway. He had no doubt that whenever you eventually moved in, because he was pretty positive that would be happening in the future, you would want to actively try with the girls. How receptive they would be, he didn’t know.

But if you wanted to try with them then he certainly wasn’t going to stop you. If they didn’t want to reciprocate then they wouldn’t have to and he’d make sure that you knew that too.

“Well...I mean they’re only kids, so I can only really take them at what they say. The twins probably don’t understand properly but I don’t expect them to. They never got to be with Yoo-jin so, this is all new to them. For them, the only thing they’ll probably get upset is that daddy will have someone else that he’s going to pay attention to. Soo-ah though?” His tone turns a little unsure without him even meaning to and you wiggle against uncomfortably.

“She’s the one who’s going to be harder to get through to, isn’t she?” Hoseok hugs you tighter to him as the despondency in your voice and he wishes that he could take it away, but you’re right. Soo-ah is the mystery in the whole situation and she could make everything perfect or it could all fall apart.

“Yeah. She’s...she’s worried that I’m forgetting her mom or that you’ll try and replace her or something. A valid concern for her to have, but I think it’s going to take a while for her to come round to it. To everything really. To you being in our lives, to me loving someone else. It’s going to be hard on her and I wish I could make it better for her but...I can’t. I’ll just have to work with her and show her that being with you isn’t going to mean that Yoo-jin didn’t exist.” 

You push up from him at that, a hand resting on his thigh and he looks deep into your eyes for a moment. He sees love for him there but also concern for his daughters combined with uncertainty for yourself and he can’t stop himself as he leans forward, pressing a soft kiss to your lips.

“I don’t want to take the place of their mom. Especially not for Soo-ah, I can’t even imagine what she went through and...that’s not what I want. I’ll try ready hard with them, I will. I swear. And I won’t get too offended or upset if they get angry at me. I know it’s a hard situation for them to get used to. It’s just been you four for a while now and I’m the interloper.” His heart warms at your words and he hugs you tighter to him, kissing your forehead hard before resting his nose against you.

“That’s why I love you. You know that? Because you care and you don’t push. I appreciate that so much. They’ll come around to it, even if they’re not happy at first. I don’t expect them to be happy, but I can’t be forced to be alone for the rest of my life just because they don’t like it. I...I feel a bit guilty saying this but...I deserve to be happy too.” A soft brush of your lips against his neck lets him know that you agree and his racing heart settles a little.

He’s nervous for tomorrow, yes, but he knows that he’s right. It’s been years of loneliness and now he’s finally ready to accept someone else. And he knows that his daughters would come to like you just as much as he does. Hoseok doesn’t expect them to love you, and he never would, but he hopes that they’ll at least come to like you.

“Anyway, let’s not focus on that right now. We’ve got that bridge to cross tomorrow. Tonight is just me and you, the last night of it being just us,” His brows wiggle suggestively and you roll your eyes in response, lips quirked up in amusement. “How about we take this to the bedroom?”

An unladylike snort leaves you as you push up from him, grabbing the pizza box and heading over to the kitchen to throw it away as he turns off the television.

“Really? You want sex already?” The exasperation in your voice causes to throw a look of outrage at the kitchen door but you’re not there to experience it so he just grins instead, grabbing both your phones and heading over to your bedroom.

“I just meant going to sleep you horndog! God, I thought men were supposed to be the ones who always thought about sex?” He calls out, biting his lip in amusement as he plugs your phone into the charger by your bed and places it on the bedside table.

The screen lights up momentarily and he grins as the lockscreen image pops up; it’s of him kissing your cheek in a park. It had been one sunny lunch and the cherry blossoms had been out in force, providing the perfect backdrop for a perfect picture.

He jumped in surprise, letting out a yelp and dropping his own phone onto the table with a clatter as two hands grip his ass firmly before they slide round to his stomach, wrapping him in a tight hug while you giggle and press kisses to his back.

“How can I not think about sex when my boyfriend is this hot?” The pink painting his cheeks is slightly embarrassing but he can’t stop the primal flush of pride at your compliment and he wants to roll his eyes at himself. 

Turning around, he looks down at your pretty face and bends down to press his nose against yours in a butterfly soft kiss before catching your lips with his for a proper kiss. His arms move to wrap around you in turn, holding you tightly to him and for a few minutes, he just focuses all his efforts into exploring your mouth in a slow yet sensual kiss.

By the time he’s finished, you’re slightly breathless and he admires the dazed look in your eyes, lips swollen and the stirring in his groin he’d felt earlier becomes even more insistent. Perhaps too insistent given the way you look down at his crotch with a raised brow before glancing back up, biting your lip.

“You might want to go to bed but I want you, so how about it daddy?” He pauses, looking at you with a carefully blank face.

“As long as you never call me that ever again then sure. I think I can forego sleep for a little while longer,’ he grins broadly before stepping back. “So undress for me princess. Let me see how hot my girlfriend is.”

“Yes sir.”

“Oh...now that...I like.”

-

Waking up the next morning was surprisingly nice and he simply laid there for a few minutes in the quiet, taking in the way your scent saturated everything and how warm the bed felt. When he finally did open his eyes, he was met with the sight of a clock that read 8am.

Surprise flooded him for a second before he stretched out, groaning softly before smiling and simply laying there. He hadn’t woken up as late as 8am in years and it felt freaking glorious. Half of him wanted to roll over and simply go back to sleep, but he knew that his body wouldn’t let him now that he’d opened his eyes.

You on the other hand, were curled up in a ball next to him beneath the covers, your back facing him. A few ideas ran through his mind, wondering whether he should just get up and go shower or if he should spend some more time with you.

Time with you won out, as he knew it would have. He wasn’t going to turn down a morning with you without kids, no way in hell. And so without another thought, he rolled onto his side and curled up behind you, humming contentedly as the warmth of your body seeped into his own.

“Princess...priiincess,” He cooed into your ear, grinning as you shuffled slightly in his arms and let out a quiet croak in response. “Are you awake?”

There was no doubt about it, he was being a little shit right now and doing the exact thing that he whined at his own kids for doing on the weekend. But he didn’t care, because he found your response far too cute.

“No.” The pout you must have your on your face is abundantly evident and he laughs, pressing a kiss to the back of your neck. He wouldn’t kiss you, because he’d discovered that you really hated kissing with morning breath. Not that he was a fan either, but sometimes he just...wanted to kiss you really bad. 

Though sometimes he had regretted it, but he just pushed those thoughts out of his mind. No, he wouldn’t kiss you today. At least...not until you’d both gotten up and brushed those pearly whites until the kiss would be minty fresh from both ends. 

Instead, he just squeezed your body tighter to him and let out a quiet sigh of satisfaction. It was easy to forget how nice it was to just lay and cuddle with someone he loved; the warmth of you, the smell of you, the touch of you. It all merged together until he felt himself start to drift off once more, eyes closed and breath levelling out until you suddenly turned in his arms and he jerked awake once more.

An amused laugh left you as you looked up at him, eyes bleary with sleep while pillow lines creased your sleep swollen cheeks and his eyes narrowed playfully. “I thought you were sleeping.” He mumbled, burying his face into the slope of your neck while his hand moved to lay flat on your stomach, fingers stroking absentmindedly.

“Hard to sleep when I’ve got your hard on pressed against me.” Hoseok grunted at that, his fingers darting up to pinch at the nipple that made itself present through the thin material. A yelp left you before you laughed again, taking his hand and trapping it between your chin and shoulder.

“Don’t get too flattered. If I had a dollar for every time I woke up with an erection then I’d probably be just as poor because I’d have spent it all by now. But you get the point.” Your lower lip vanishes beneath your teeth as you hum, brow furrowing slightly.

“Are you saying that you don’t find my sleep face and morning breath attractive?” A snort leaves him as he presses his nose against your cheek, kissing the softness there slowly.

“I find you more than attractive missy, and you know that. I believe this is the first time we haven’t fucked after waking up together.” Pouting, you turn your head until you’re looking directly at him and he ducks his face slightly so that he’s not breathing directly on you. He did that once. 

Once.

“Don’t give me that face. The only reason I’m not balls deep in you right now is firstly, because I need to go shower and then head home to clean up and secondly...I don’t have another condom.” Your face contorts on itself before sighing, your hand moving to brush over his boxer briefs and he lets out a hiss of breath as he feels you move against his cock.

“I could suck you off.” It’s almost innocent and he glares at you, lips pursing before he pulls away, rolling to the side and departing the bed before you can entice him any further.

“That’s not...I mean...minx.” You just grin at him before getting up yourself, letting him see the way your shirt has twisted on you in your sleep, clinging tightly to your curves. His hands clench automatically as he huffs out a breath, staring at the sight of your boy shorts that cup your ass so beautifully.

He was trying to be good here and you were ruining all his intentions.

“So...you don’t want a blowjob in the shower then?” There’s not even a chance for him to respond as you tug off your shirt, revealing the delectable sight of your breasts as they’re revealed to the morning air. Without even looking at him, you head towards the bathroom door.

Indecision fills him as he stares at the door, the straining erection in his underwear telling him to go but the logical part of his mind reminding him that he is, in fact, an adult man and not a horny teenager. But then your panties come flying through the door, landing in a heap and he lets out a deep groan before striding over.

He may be an adult, but he’s an adult who damn well likes your mouth on his cock and he is not turning that down. Not today, when later on will be stressful. Right now, it’s time to just enjoy you while he has you entirely to himself.

Inside the bathroom, he finds you merely brushing your teeth at the counter but your eyes move to land firmly on his and he desperately wishes he didn’t find it so weirdly attractive to watch the way your arm moves. But then he realises it’s what you want as your free hand slowly trails down your body, reaching the hair at the apex of your thighs.

Swallowing thickly, he lets out a slow breath before reaching around you for the toothbrush you’d given him to use here and carefully begins to brush his own teeth, trying his hardest not to look. This was not supposed to be a sexy activity, and yet here he was, eyes glued to your hand while his own hand tried to brush his teeth.

A quiet moan slips from your mouth, eyes fluttering shut and your arm shudders slightly, pausing in your movements as the fingers between your thighs work at yourself and he hisses, brushing far quicker in his haste to be done. He doesn’t want you to get all the fun, no way in hell. 

Leaning over, he spits out into the sink and is suddenly reminded of all the times you’ve chosen to spit instead of swallow when you’d blown him and he has to repress the urge to giggle. Instead, he washes his mouth and realises you’re doing the same next to him, head so close to his own that he has an almost preternatural awareness of you.

Glancing up into the mirror, his breath escapes in a rush as he sees you bending over the counter, one elbow resting while your other hand moves in slow circles between your legs, now spread wider. Oh, this is just not fair, he thinks to himself before his eyes narrow.

“I thought I was getting a blowjob?” He asks, moving upright and looking down at you with an imperious brow raised.

You watch him with innocent eyes in the mirror, your own brows raising to complete the facade while you bite at your lower lip. “Did I say that? I thought you didn’t want anything.” The last syllable ends on a soft moan and his hands finds your hips without him even meaning to as your eyelids flutter shut, mouth opening in a perfect circle as soft moan leaves you.

It’s like a lightning bolt to his groin, cock aching at the sound and he realises he can hear wetness as your fingertips slide between your folds. His own fingers itch with the need to take over, to feel that slickness and rub till you’re breaking apart against him.

“Well...it’d take a strong man to turn this down princess,” Moving behind you, he presses his front to your back firmly and mouths a hot kiss to your shoulder, tongue working slowly before he looks back up into the mirror and smirks at how you watch him with those needy eyes. “I’m not that strong.”

Without another word, his arm comes around to your front and he pushes your hand out of the way, his own delving into the gap and his fingers finally rub against your clit. You’re already slippery with your own desire, worked up from your own touch while you’d been safe in the knowledge that he was carefully watching.

Your head falls back against his shoulder, even at this awkward angle with you bent over the counter but he just focuses on kissing and sucking at the sensitive skin of your shoulder and neck. He makes sure not to leave any marks on your neck but he’s more than giving with his attention, his free hand moving around to massage your breasts firmly, playing with your nipple till you push back against him.

“Condom…” The word is panted out from you, your hips gyrating against the firm touch of his fingers on your engorged nerves and he doesn’t even notice it at first. Not until you’re shifting position, trying to reach over to the drawer by your side. He pauses in his movements, fingers half inside you at this point and watches as you tug open a drawer and pull out a foil wrapper.

Looking back in the mirror at you, his brows raised in a combination of surprise, amusement and mild rebuke. “Wow...you really are a little minx, huh? Keeping condoms in the bathroom and not telling me. I’d say naughty girl but right now, I approve.”

A low laugh leaves you as you tear the foil with your teeth, pulling the condom out and handing it back to him. He kicks off his underwear quickly before giving himself a few firm strokes, breath coming a little quicker from the friction but he’s more than excited to be inside you already. It’s not even been 12 hours since the last time he’d fucked you.

Once on, he reaches between your legs once more and plunged two fingers inside of you, checking that you’re more than wet enough for him without needing to get any lubrication. Sometimes you needed it, sometimes you didn’t. Today appeared to be a didn’t, and he wondered if you had some kink of mirror sex kink because you were already near enough dripping for him.

Grinning, he lined up his cock and rubbed the tip against you, rocking his hips forwards and back in slow motions to let your juices coat his cock. The sensation has you gasping softly, causing your own hips to push back as you try and shift enough to find the right angle to get him to slip inside.

He lets you take control for a moment, watching intently as your pussy finds his tip, the engorged head slipping into your sopping entrance. Holding your ass with his hands, he slows your movements down and slowly penetrates you until he’s balls deep inside, breath leaving him in a slow and controlled exhale as you squeeze tightly around him.

His eyes roll slightly at the sensation and he can’t help but grip your ass harder, tutting slightly. As said, you’d already had sex in the last twelve hours and it had been two rounds worth. He’d been proud of himself for producing two performances like that in such quick succession but he had no doubt that you were feeling at least a little bit sore right now so he tried to go slow for you.

Turns out you didn’t want slow and a soft, keening whine leaves your mouth as you try to push back against him harder. Glancing into the mirror, he has to bite his lower lip to stay quiet as he watches the pleasure filled expression face back at him, your eyes screwed tightly shut while your mouth falls open.

The thrusts he makes into you might be slow, but they’re also deep and each movement has you jerking forwards slightly. It causes your breasts to rock with each slap of his hips against your ass and he watches, entirely mesmerised by the movement and wanting to see how you react when he’s fucking you harder.

“Hobi.” You mewl, the sound strained and yet oddly high pitched as one hand moves back to grasp at his hip, trying to pull him into moving faster in combination with your squirming ass and he brings down the flat of his hand on your rounded cheeks chidingly. The sound is loud in the quiet of the room but your inner muscles immediately grip in tighter, the sensation causing him to choke for a moment and his brows rise in amusement.

Well, someone liked being spanked. He was definitely going to remember that for future events.

Any hope he had of being gentle with you to avoid soreness is gone though and it’s clear to him that you’re wanting it harder and faster than he’s going. So he decides to give you it, his hips moving forward faster until the bathroom is filled with the lewd sounds of skin against skin, slick wetness, breathy pants and lust filled groans and moans.

“Come on princess,” He grunts deeply, kissing your shoulder before his arms slide around your waist. One pushes against the counter, giving him extra balance as he thrusts while the other dips back between your legs, the slippery mess there making your soft warmth even more delightful.

The combined touch of his fingers and cock increases your moans, though they’re more like vocal hitches of breath that whine with stroke inside you. Your own hand moves to press down on his own, rubbing furious, tight circles into your clit while he continues to slam into you. The wetness has to be leaking down your thighs now, coating your inner legs and the thought turns him on almost as much as the completely fucked out visage he gets to watch in the mirror.

Breath coming quickly, he pants into your ear before moving his lips down to kiss at your neck frantically as the pleasure in his groin tightens furiously, the need to move faster and harder so strong as he feels the impending release of his orgasm. He desperately wants you to come first, but sometimes that just doesn’t happen and he can’t help it as your pussy flutters around him once more, tightening viciously and he succumbs to the waves of pleasure that flood through his body.

A long and drawn out moan leaves his mouth, high and filled with pure satisfaction and carnal pleasure as he moves inside you slowly, pulling every bit of pleasure he can out from your warm depths before it feels too much for him. Hissing lightly at the overstimulation, he refuses to move as his fingers move back to your clit, rubbing at you in quick, fast movements that have you shivering in his arms as needy moans leave you.

Tiny movements of your hips as they gyrate and the clenching of your pussy has him whining quietly but he doesn’t move, determined to get you off as well. Sometimes it didn’t happen and you’d push his hand away, but this time you keep him firmly against him until your body seizes tightly around him, muscles stiffening before convulsions take over.

His cock slips from you in the midst of your orgasm but you don’t notice, not when his fingers keep moving and prolonging the pleasure until your hips shift away from his hand, the subtle movement telling him to let go. Heavy panting is all that remains in the room and he strips the condom quickly, throwing it away before wrapping his arms around you and hugging you to him tightly once more.

“Fuck...I was not intending that. I was trying to be good.” He mumbles against your shoulder, not noticing the way you give him a tired smile of affection in the mirror as your hand comes up to run through his messy hair. 

“I didn’t want you to be good. I wanted you to fuck me good and hard, and you did. So thank you.” You murmur, turning around and pressing a kiss to his lips firmly. Neither of you move for a few moments, simply enjoying the post-coital bliss of an orgasm induced intimacy before Hoseok finally pulls away with a contented noise.

“Okay princess, now that we’ve got even more dirty...let’s finally take that shower.”

-

Hoseok finally manages to leave your house an hour and a half later, meaning that he’s running behind on his own internal schedule and he feels the slight anxiety that he always does when he’s not being on time. With three kids, he’s had to learn to strictly regiment his time if he ever wants to get anything accomplished.

Whether they obey or not is a different story entirely.

After getting out of the shower and pulling on some clothes, he’d then been forced to sit down on your couch while you cooked him a quick breakfast. The very idea of having food cooked for him by someone who wasn’t his mom was bizarre after so many years, but he’d enjoyed eating the over cooked toast and bacon more than he’d like to admit. 

He’d originally intended to run out to the grocery store and grab the food for dinner before heading back home and cleaning everything up. Only you’d looked far too anxious about tonight when he’d been on his way out, shooting multiple questions at him that gave away your nerves and he’d felt sympathy swell.

It was easy for him to focus on his girls and worry about their reaction, but he had to try and remember that this meeting involved you as well. And you were at a severe disadvantage in that you are the odd one out, the one intruding into his family unit.

So he’d found himself asking if you wanted to help him before he’d even realised. Part of him felt bad about it as it meant that the girl would be coming home to someone they don’t know, but he figured that they already knew they were meeting you anyway. It would at least allow you to calm yourself down and get a little more comfortable in his home before you finally meet his daughters.

Which was why he was currently walking down the aisle of the grocery store, hand tightly entwined with yours as he pondered what to make for dinner. He was actually glad that you were here for that and he posed the question to you, causing you to hum lightly as you lean into him.

“What do the girls like?” The question throws him a little and he frowns, looking at the rows of microwaveable rice before glancing back at you.

“Well...what do you want to eat though? You’re the reason we’re having a special dinner.” He can hear the soft sigh you give, your head resting against his shoulder and his chest warms at the small gesture of affection. It might not seem much to others but to someone as romantically starved as him, it was unbelievably fulfilling.

Pulling away from him, you move back until you’re gently tugging at him to move and he follows you quietly. “No, we’re going to cook what your daughters love to eat because this is going to be an awkward time for them and their favourite home cooked meal will be one less thing they have to worry about. So what do they like to eat?”

His heart flips at the concern and warmth in your voice, causing him to smile as he glances down, tugging you closer and kissing your forehead quickly. “We’ll make lasagne, they all like that and it’ll give us plenty of food. You like that right? And I know you like garlic bread.”

You grin impishly at that, nodding enthusiastically and he chuckles. “I’ll go get the stuff for the bread, you get the stuff for the lasagne yeah? Should I…” A pause causes him to look at you with a raised brow, watching the indecision flutter across your face before carrying on. “Should I get them anything? Like...a present or...chocolate or something?”

“No, don’t get them anything. I mean maybe you should but...I don’t personally like the idea. I don’t want them to feel like you’re trying to buy their affection and love. Just...be yourself.” There’s a brief hesitation before you nod almost shyly, arm moving to cover your stomach in a protective gesture before you head off in search of the ingredients.

Time seems to move faster after that and before he realises it, it’s already time for him to go collect the girls from his parents. The house had been fully tidied and cleaned, though he’d wondered why on earth he was doing that when you were literally cleaning it with him but something he’d discovered today was that apparently you had a strange kink for cleaning.

Not even sexual, you just liked to clean. He’d laughed when he’d discovered that, your excitement at the Dyson vacuum cleaner he’d produced spurring on the new revelation and he’d proclaimed that he had a house that would bring you eternal joy.

Three children meant there was no such thing as a clean house, just organised chaos. And sometimes not even organised, just plain chaos. 

But true to your word, you hadn’t uttered a single complaint and had instead sung loudly to the music he’d played on the speakers that were connected to his phone. He’d had a whole moment of affectionate bemusement as he’d watched you wiggle around the living room, singing while you even dusted for him.

There had been a few moments of quietness from you when you’d noted the pictures of Yoo-jin on the mantle of the fireplace. He kept a few dotted around the house for the girls and he’d worried for a moment that you’d feel jealous or annoyed.

Instead, you’d simply picked up the silver framed wedding photograph, taking note of the younger Hoseok in a suit and the pretty girl in a beautiful wedding dress next to him, both smiling so brightly with a small Soo-ah in his arms. It was his favourite picture of Yoo-jin and he still felt a bubble of love for her when he looked at it.

Which is why he hoped you wouldn’t be mean. And you hadn’t been, instead looking at him with a small smile and carefully placing the frame onto the floor before moving the others as well. “She was beautiful.”

And then you’d knelt down on the floor and carefully polished the frames until they were spotless, giving them a level of care and attention that had him having to leave the room so that you couldn’t see the tears in his eyes.

Once he’d recovered himself, he’d gone back in and sorted out storing the many toys away while telling you stories behind some of the pictures and preening ever so slightly over how you cooed over the photos of his daughters. Damn right they were cute.

Now though, he was shrugging on a jacket and picking up his car keys to go get them and bring them home. It’s only when he looks back round that he sees the way your shoulders are curled inwards, making yourself small while your hands cross over your chest. 

Moving back over, he hugs you tightly to him before kissing your forehead as your chin rests on his chest, nerves evident in every part of you. “Hey, come on. It’ll be okay. Remember, if they don’t respond well tonight then it’s just the first time. Don’t take it to heart.”

“I know. It’s just...I don’t really know what to do, you know? Never met my boyfriend’s kids before.” A quiet laugh leaves him before he dips down, pressing his lips to your own in a quick kiss.

“I love you,” He turns around and heads to the door, knowing that you’re probably going to end up cleaning something else. Part of him wonders if he should have you leave and come back in half an hour but that seems stupid. So he shakes his head and opens the door, looking back at you and smiling. “Please, try and relax a little.”

“Okay. Love you.”

-

Pulling into the driveway, Hoseok takes a deep breath to fortify his nerves before glancing into the mirror to check on the twins in the backseat. His parents had, as expected, spoilt all three and the twin’s were coming home with Funko figures each to put on their shelves while Soo-ah had a ridiculously thick book of horse breeds.

One day, he worried that he might be expected to buy her a horse. He didn’t like horses, and he certainly didn’t want to own one. You were currently convincing him to let her have horse riding lessons and he was considering it as her Christmas present, but he still worried immensely that she would get hurt.

Still, she was slowly proving that it wasn’t a phase and he knew that he was going to have to relent sooner rather than later. He didn’t want to be the dad who stifled her passions and dreams, even if it could potentially cause interest.

“Okay everyone, we’re back. Now...as I said before, Y/N is already here. She helped me to make dinner and clean the house for you guys! So it’s all clean. Ideally, I’d like you to keep it clean but I know you rascals,” He eyes the twins at that and they both give him identical toothy grins. “Are probably going to mess it all up.”

“Grandma was excited.” Ji-eun blurts out, her expression mischievous as if she was fully aware that she was tattling on his own mother. He can’t help the smile that spreads as he imagines his mom gushing to them. She’d spent years now trying to get him to finally move on, so needless to say, she’d been beyond ecstatic when he’d told her last week that he was going to introduce the girls to you.

“Grandma needs to learn to keep her nose out,” He mused quietly before laughing. “Anyway, I’m just going to ask one last time...please be good for me? Be on your best behaviour and be polite. You don’t have to like her, but I did not raise rude girls, right?” 

The stern look he gives the twins causes them to give him carefully blank faces as they nod slowly. He eyes them for a moment longer, knowing that trouble was never far with them, before turning to Soo-ah. She sits next to him in the passenger seat quietly, arms wrapped around the book and her hair in low pigtails.

“Soo-ah?” She tenses slightly when he says her name before looking at him, her brown eyes filled with so many emotions he didn’t understand. But despite all that, she nods slowly while her lips purse out.

Before he can say anything else, the twins are rushing out of the car and bolting over towards the door. He swore under his breath before getting out of the car himself, watching with resignation as they rush inside.

Looking back at Soo-ah, he sees her quietly getting out and closing the door in a much more gentler fashion than her excitable sisters. Hoseok can’t help but walk over to her, crouching down and looking up at her as he takes one of her hands gently between his own. The fact he has to look up at her now while crouching makes him sad, yet he’s so proud of her too.

“Soo-soo...if you don’t want to do this then you can tell me. You don’t have to meet her. I can ask her to go home, or I can take you back to your grandparents if you want. I’m not going to force you to do something that you don’t want to do, okay?” The only sounds for a few moments are the chirping of the birds in the trees that line the street and a car engine in the distance.

“It’s okay dad. She can stay. I’ll meet her.” His brow creases and he reaches up to run his hand down her hair slowly.

“Are you sure?” One more time, just to make doubly sure because he knows his daughter well. And he knows that she’s not entirely happy, but what can he do when she’s verbally telling him it’s okay? He’s giving plenty of chances for her to back out and he wouldn’t be mad at her. Sad, yes, but not angry. 

“Yes daddy.” And with that, she heads into the house as well. He’s left to stand there, face grimaced as he wonders if he should just call it all off. But then he suddenly realises that you’re on your own in there, with his daughters.

“Shit.” He curses and runs inside, faltering in the doorway that leads into the living room. The twins are sat on the couch while Soo-ah is in the arm chair, all three quiet and looking at you like you’re something fascinating. They’re pretty relaxed whereas you’re stiff as a board in the doorway to the kitchen, a brittle smile on your face that turns into one of relief when you see him.

“Hey err...we’re back? Obviously.  Erm, okay well. Girls, this is Y/N, my...girlfriend,” He doesn’t really know if he’s meant to be introducing you as that or just his friend, but they’d already figured it out the other night anyway. “Y/N, this is my eldest daughter, Soo-ah. And this is Ji-soo with her hair down and Ji-eun with her hair in a ponytail.”

“Hello Y/N.” The twins said at the same time, their voices light and whimsical and he almost hisses at how creepy they sound. They’re doing it purposefully, he can see the shine in their eyes because they know people find it weird when they do that. Soo-ah simply gives a polite hello of her own, dipping her head ever so slightly in welcome.

“Hi...erm,” He can tell that you’re struggling to say something and he so desperately wants to go over and place a reassuring arm around you. But he can’t, because he feels he should be with the girls instead. “It’s nice to meet you all. Your dad has told me so much about you.”

The sudden ringing of an alarm in the kitchen interrupts whatever else you were about to say and Hoseok jerks, eyes glancing behind you to the room. “Okay, girls...clean up and then come to the table. Be quick, we’re having lasagne.”

That gets a bright smile from all three as they jump up and rush towards the bathroom situated downstairs, eager to wash their hands before going into the dining room. You’d set the table earlier for him once he’d shown you where everything was and even now, you were helping him by bringing some of the food into the room.

His daughters were smiling in delight as he served the lasagne out to them, his own stomach rumbling at the smell and he realised belatedly that neither you nor him had eaten since breakfast. The plate you place down with garlic bread is soon emptied, with Hoseok making sure to grab two pieces and place one on your own plate.

It’s odd, having five people at the table instead of three, he thinks to himself as he sits down after handing you the plate with your own lasagne. All of them are used to it being just the four of them, with Soo-ah normally sitting next to Hoseok while the twins sit opposite. But today, Hoseok is sat at the end of the table with Soo-ah next to him on the right while you’re next to him on the left. 

It unnerves him a little, taking this weird head of the table position but he doesn’t mention it as he takes a mouthful of lasagne. A quiet hum of appreciation comes from you and he glances over, chewing and smiling at the way your eyes close in delight.

“Daddy! Ji-soo has more than me!” Ji-eun complains before shrieking as her sister pinches her arm. Already, Hoseok has visions of a full fight blowing up between the two because if they’re not being sweet with each other then they’re having astonishing fights and Ji-eun is already turning around to retaliate.

“Hey! What did I say earlier? Best behaviour. Do not fight.” Hoseok hisses at them, eyes narrowing as he gestures a finger at them. Both girls slump down in their chairs, sauce covered lips pursing as they glare at each other. 

And then, as always with their contradictory nature, Ji-soo carefully cuts a piece of lasagne and places it on her sister’s plate without a word. Ji-eun smiles happily and eats it, doing a little butt wiggle dance in her seat in victory and Hoseok has to fight the urge to laugh at them.

Glancing at you, he notes your widened eyes at his sudden rebuke and his cheeks heat up. “Sorry. You get used to it. They’re either working together to cause trouble or they’re fighting with each other.”

You nod slowly at his explanation before a wry smile spreads, eyes flicking back over to the girls who are now sat being good as gold. “It’s okay. I had a friend in high school who was a twin. They had the worst fights but you did not want to come between them. It must be nice to have someone who will always be there for you.”

“You know someone with a twin too?!” Ji-soo exclaims loudly, her pretty eyes going wide with astonishment and Hoseok doesn’t even bother to stop his laugh this time. They’d never met any other twins before and they knew from people’s reactions that they were pretty special.

“I did! I’m not friends with them anymore but she had a twin brother, not a sister like you two. They had a special language that they would talk in and only they understood it.” At that, Ji-eun is the one to squeal in excitement as she claps her hands.

“We do! Daddy hates it when we do.” He grumbles good naturedly at that, pointing at them with his fork before taking another bite of lasagne with a grin. 

“Yeah, it was very strange listening to them. But that’s special though, it means that only you two will ever be able to understand it so it’s something that only you share.” They nod slowly, smiling brightly at your encouragement and his heart warms at how they seem to be pretty accepting of you so far.

His eyes flicker to Soo-ah who’s eating methodically, keeping quiet. She’s always been a quiet girl, but he feels like the silence is more oppressive this time and he chews slowly, wondering how to get her involved too.

You’re talking to the twins now about your favourite Marvel movie, because he’d told you all about their love of the superhero genre and it was a pretty easy way to win favour with them. It seemed to be working too, as Ji-soo was sidling up to you as close as she could get in her chair, her eyes stern with concentration as she discusses in her five-year-old language why she thinks that Black Panther is the best movie.

Which is then countered by Ji-eun’s outraged shout as she disagrees vehemently, proclaiming that the best film is obviously Captain Marvel because she’s a girl and she’s cool and powerful. It leaves him to smile as he rolls his eyes, you throwing your own hat into the ring with the suggestion that your own favourite film is the first Avengers.

He contemplates if he should have warned you about the fact that they’ll never stop talking now that you’ve shown an interest in their favourite subject ever. At least he’d never really mentioned their second passion lately which was Pokemon. 

Admittedly, he was on board with both of these passions but he’d spent so long now discussing them with two overly eager daughters that the very subjects inspired more of a sigh than excitement. Though he would still be taking them to see every film that came out.

“Soo-ah, did you know that Y/N goes horse riding? She even used to do show jumping in high school.” He gestures towards you with an overly bright smile, hoping that discussing his eldest’s favourite passion would encourage her to engage with you in the same way.

All he gets is a sullen look and a shrug before she puts another forkful in her mouth. Despair fills him momentarily but he’s surprised when you take the initiative and take up the conversation he’d suggested. He hadn’t even realised you were listening to him.

“I did! I used to go to competitions on the weekends with my horse, Artemis. She was a really good jumper but I wasn’t very good with her unfortunately. We never really won anything but it was just for fun. Now I just ride whenever I get time. Artemis is pretty old now so we just go trail riding.” Hoseok smiles as your eyes light up as you discuss your horse.

He knew that you were expecting to lose her any time now and it would probably hugely devastate you. After all, you’d had her since you were only 14 and she was still here, 17 years later.

“Cool.” Is the only response he gets from his daughter and he has to bite his tongue in frustration. He’d known that she was going to be the hard one to crack, but he didn’t think she was going to be this cold about it all.

“I think you’d like Artemis, Soo-soo. She’s a...Dutch Warmblood?” He looks at you in question, relieved when you nod in confirmation before he’s smiling back at his daughter. “You told me about those, right? They’re supposed to be really good at that kind of stuff? Maybe, if you want, Y/N will let you ride her.” 

“Of course, she’s really sweet and she’d be good for someone who’s never ridden. She’s old now but as long as you’re not mean with her then she’d be happy to take you round a ring. I think that you’d find her very pretty. She used to be dapple grey but is now just pretty much white.” You say with a smile, turning your head as Ji-soo asks if she can ride too.

“I don’t care.” Soo-ah says suddenly, her voice firm and raised and Hoseok looks at her sharply. Her cheeks are flushed while her brows dip inwards, annoyance and anger written all over her face. “I don’t care about your stupid horse or your stupid riding. I don’t care!”

The silence at the table is awkward after that and Hoseok feels numb, unsure what he’s supposed to do to resolve this situation. So he carefully places his cutlery down on his cleared plate and coughs quietly, giving Soo-ah a smile.

“Soo-ah, sweetheart. It’s okay-” He’s cut off immediately though, as if a switch has been flipped in her.

“Stop saying that! It’s not going to be okay! Because she’s going to come here and ruin everything! You’re going to forget about mom and we have to accept her! I won’t! I don’t care about you! I hate you!” She spat viciously at you but despite her anger, there’s tears brimming in her eyes and Hoseok has never felt more helpless. “I don’t want to talk to you! My dad might love you but I won’t! I never will! I love my mom!”

And with that, she slams her chair out of the way and storms out of the room. The thundering of her feet on the stairs as she runs to her room is soon followed by the resounding slam of her bedroom door and Hoseok feels stunned.

Blinking for a few moments, he watches as the twins faces crease slightly and he can see the tears in their own eyes as uncertainty and fear fills them. They glance between him, you and the doorway and he knows they don’t know what to do.

Are they supposed to be angry with you too, like their sister? He doesn’t want that, and so he clears his tight throat and smiles at them both, a little stiff but they still relax a little.

“It’s okay. Soo-ah’s...not happy about me bringing Y/N here. And she’s allowed to feel that, I’m not mad at her,” Okay, so he was a little bit as she’d just been incredibly rude and mean but it was already fading because most importantly, he understood her. “If you aren’t happy either, then you can tell me. It’s okay.”

Ji-soo looks at him, her beautiful brown eyes shining with unshed tears that she wipes away with a firm hand before shaking her head. “I’m okay daddy. Is Soo-ah okay?”

“She...will be. I’m sure. She’s just...it’s hard for her.” He smiles slightly, moving into Soo-ah’s chair to brush a few strands of hair out of Ji-eun’s face as she watches him quietly. Without even saying anything, she shuffles closer and leans against his side.

“Because she had mommy right?” The question is quiet and his throat feels so tight that it’s hard to swallow. They may only be five, but his twins are so smart and caring.

“Yeah, because she had mommy. So she remembers her, and she’s just worried. But we’re not gonna forget about mommy. She will always be important, okay?” He presses his lips to Ji-eun’s head, kissing her hair before looking at Ji-soo and giving her a reassuring smile.

They’re both quiet for a moment before nodding, and his heart swells with emotion as Jisoo turns to you and takes your hand in her own small ones. “It’s okay. We like you.”

He doesn’t get to see your reaction as he’s looking back at the doorway, wondering if he should go to her and check that she’s doing okay or just let her cool down. On the one hand, he doesn’t want her to feel suffocated when she’s obviously upset but at the same time, he doesn’t want her to feel like he’s abandoning her.

“Go.” You whisper and he looks back sharply, catching your eye as you gesture your head to the door. “It’s okay. Go.”

He stands up and goes to make a move before hesitating, uncertainty in him. You give him another nod and he lets out a deep sigh as his shoulders fall.

“I’ll be right back,” Hoseok smiles awkwardly, mouth stiff as he avoids your eyes. “Be good girls okay? I’ll be back in a few minutes.” He bends down and kisses the twin’s heads, taking in their expression to make sure they’re okay and feeling a bit of relief as their faces are cautiously neutral.

“It’s okay Hoseok, go check on her. I’ll be okay. I’m sure that we can find something fun to do, right?” You give him a tight smile, nerves evident as you look back at the twins with tentative hope. They’d reacted pretty well to Soo-ah’s outburst but he was worried that they might be mean while he was gone. But you give him a ‘go’ look and he knows that you can look after yourself.

So he heads out, feeling a little bad that he’s leaving the table but he has to at least check on Soo-ah. He isn’t sure if he’s supposed to be ignoring her or not but that feels wrong in his gut. She’s already worried about things he doesn’t even know yet, he’d rather not add to that by not coming to see her. At least she knows that her dad is always there for her, even when she doesn’t want him.

Her door is firmly closed and he stands outside it for a moment, hands clenching and unclenching as he’s unsure what to do now. This isn’t a conversation he really knows how to have, but he takes it as a positive really. It at least means that her life since Yoo-jin’s death hasn’t been too tumultuous. 

Taking a deep breath, he raps his knuckles against the door quietly and leans forward, his ear almost pressed to the door. “Soo-ah? It’s dad...are you okay?”

Silence answers him and his stomach sinks. He desperately wants to go in and comfort her, make her smile or just talk to her about her concerns but he’s been very clear over the years about their personal space. A closed door means that he can’t enter without their permission.

It might seem a little extreme given young they all are, but as the only male in the house he felt it was necessary to set those boundaries. When their door was closed, he wouldn’t go in unless invited. They’d grown to be pretty respectful of that for him as well and he was immensely relieved at the high levels of trust they all had with each other all ready.

They needed to know that they had a space that was private and safe, only for them. Which is why he lets out yet another deep sigh, his forehead resting against the white painted wood. It’s at moments like this that he wishes Yoo-jin were still here, so that she can help.

A flash of guilt runs through him then, both for wishing that she was alive when it meant he wouldn’t be with you but also because he is here with his daughters and Yoo-jin isn’t. Swallowing, he pushes that thought away before trying again.

“Soo-soo...I’m not...I’m not mad at you. I know you, and I know that you’re not mean or cruel. You’re just...I know this is confusing for you, and it’s hard. I’m not angry, and neither is Y/N. We understand, but I wish you’d talk to me. Please, let me know what’s upsetting you exactly.” Hoseok really isn’t sure what he’s meant to be saying to her but he’s speaking the truth; he isn’t mad with her.

He was at first, when the biting words spilled out of her. Firstly because he was simply shocked that his daughter could be that rude and mean but then secondly because he’d seen the hurt that had flashed over your face at her blunt rejection. But that had gone quickly when he’d seen the film of tears that had glazed over his little girl’s eyes and he’d known that she only lashing out because she was confused and scared.

“Soo-soo…” His voice trailed off, uncertainty over what to do when he heard noises from inside and his heart jumped a little. 

“Go away dad,” Soo-ah’s voice was strained and he could practically hear the tears, causing his face to grimace as his paternal instincts screamed at him to go to his hurting daughter. “Leave me alone.”

“Soo-ah...sweetheart…”

“Go away!” The words are shrill and he closes his eyes, feeling his whole body drain of energy as he recognises a losing battle. Well, no one can say he didn’t at least try. And at least he’s come to her, even if she doesn’t want him there. It’s not even one of those scenarios where she’s telling him to go away but he can tell she actually wants him there.

This is one of those times when she evidently wants to be left alone. So he will, for now at least.

“Okay Soo-ah, I’ll go. But I’m downstairs if you need me. Just come, or call, and I’ll come up okay? I’m not mad, you can talk to me,” He rests his hand on the door, trying to push through his love and affection to her. “I love you.”

With that, he lets his shoulders slump in defeat, waiting a few moments longer to see if she would come out before walking back down the hall. As much as he’d love to sit and wait her out, he has two other daughters that he needs to be worrying about. Two twin five-year-old’s, actually, who he’s left alone with you.

The realisation causes him to pause, eyes widening as he realises the carnage he could have potentially left you with. They’re handfuls with him, and he at least has the authority to ground them or tell them off. He can’t even imagine how easily they’re running you around.

Rushing down the stairs, he moves into the dining room only to pause in confusion, noting the suspiciously clean table. Heading through to the kitchen, he hears the dishwasher running and is even more confused.

The girl’s don’t know how to use the dishwasher, which must mean that you’d put them in there for him. Guilt rises immediately as he realises that you’ve cleaned up dinner for him, giving him one less thing to do. He appreciates it, but at the same time, he can’t help but think his mom would be scolding him right now.

You’re a guest in his house. Therefore, you should not be cleaning up after yourself. He should be doing that for you.

A sudden peal of bright, girlish laughter from the living room distracts him and he headed through the doorway in pursuit of it. The scene he comes across makes him pause in surprise, head tilting for a moment before a smile spreads and he rests his shoulder against the frame.

None of them have seen him yet, but the twins had you down on the floor with them as they showed you their expansive toy collection. Currently, they had the whole set of Avengers dolls along with others he’d bought for them from the Marvel collection. They were most definitely superhero girls, and currently they were fighting over who got to play as Captain Marvel.

Despite the fact they had three versions of her, but he’d discovered over the years that if one of them wanted something then the other wanted it twice as much. You were sat between them both, a bemused smile on your face as you held a Shuri and Black Panther doll in each hand, looking them over intently.

“Hey, hey! Come on now, let’s not fight, yeah? How about...neither of you be Captain Marvel because you’re both fighting? Why not be someone else? Shuri’s really cool,” You wiggle the doll with a grin, brows raising as you raise her arms up and pretend to fire lasers like in the film. “And then we’ve also got Nebula!”

“Nebula’s bad!” Ji-soo pouted, flopping down onto her butt and crossing her arms. Ji-eun pushed her immediately, laughing loudly as her sister fell over.

“Nebula’s cool! I wanna be her.” She grabbed the doll from you quickly and grinned up at you, pushing the sheet of black hair out of her eyes and behind her ear. He really did need to get their hair cut. It was a mess of tangles as usual right now, causing him to sigh as he knew how much of a struggle it was to get them to sit still and have their hair brushed.

“Nuh-uh, Shuri’s the best. She’s smart. I’m smarter than you.” Hoseok has to bite his lower lip to keep the chuckle inside that so desperately wants to escape as he watches your face fall slightly as they begin to fight once more. Welcome to his world, he thinks to himself, fully amused.

“Hey now, what have I told you both about fighting?” He says sternly, heading into the room and standing over them both with raised brows. There’s absolutely no need to look at you, because he’s fully aware that he’s using his dad voice right. 

And he was equally aware of your thoughts about his ‘dad’ voice, given all the times he’d been on the phone with you and suddenly had to to tell them off, or when he’d given them their goodnight call when they were with their grandparents. It had made him embarrassed at first, to realise his voice changed that much but you’d just been thoroughly amused.

Ji-soo immediately smiles at him, rushing up to her feet and running over to him with Shuri clasped tightly in her hand. He laughed loudly and came back over with her, small hand clasped tightly in his own as she directed him to sit on the floor next to you. Looking over at you with a small smile, he leans over and whispers to you.

“Thank you for cleaning up, but you really didn’t have to.”

“Hoseok, I was alone with twin five-year-old’s that I don’t know. When I’m anxious, I clean. Besides, it wasn’t any trouble and they wanted to help.” His brows rose at that and he looked back at the twin’s, taking in the sloping noses that resembled his own so strongly.

“Wow...so it’s just daddy that you won’t help, huh?” Pressing a hand to his chest, he pouts dramatically in a wounded tone that has Ji-eun giggling as she launches herself at him and settles in his lap. She’s getting too big to be doing this, but he won’t complain. One day, she won’t do it all.

“Daddy said we have to be good.” His heart warmed at that and an immense flush of pride swelled deep within, pressing a kiss to her head in pure paternal love. Glancing back at you, his cheeks flushed slightly at the look of adoration you give him and he just knows that you’re internally screaming at his interaction.

“So. If you’re Nebula, and Ji-soo is Shuri...then what can Y/N and I be? What about...if I’m Captain Marvel?” Ji-eun gasps loudly, shaking her head furiously and he splutters out a mouthful of hair as her ponytail smacks him firmly in the face.

“No daddy! You can’t. You have to be Iron Man!” He lets out another gasp, not actually bothered because Iron Man was cool but he’d actually wanted to be Captain Marvel. The film was great, sue him.

“Why? Because I’m a boy!” Yet he doesn’t push away the Iron Man doll, he calls them dolls purely because figurine is probably too hard for them to say to right now. The red and gold figurine is well used, scratches and dents marring the plastic surface from the intense playing they’d given him over the years.

Which included seeing if he could fly by throwing him out of the window onto the drive. That would have just gotten an eye roll from him normally, except they’d thrown him with some force and he’d landed firmly on Hoseok’s car. Who would have known that such a small toy would cause such a scratch on the windscreen?

“No daddy, because Y/N can be Pepper.” Ji-soo hands you a doll, smaller than the others and from the Iron Man 3 film but just as good. You take it from her with a gracious smile but he can see the confusion in your eyes as to why you have to be Pepper Potts and not one of the other superheroes. 

He doesn’t even think to question the fact that his kids that are doing that odd thing where they both seem to know exactly what the other is thinking. 

“Why Pepper? Why can’t she be Captain Marvel if I can’t?” Playfully, he pushes at the doll in Ji-eun’s hands and she giggles sweetly, looking up at him with those warm brown eyes that he loves so dearly.

“Because Iron Man loves Pepper, and you love Y/N.” Well...there’s not much room for argument there really. His cheeks once more flush red as he steadfastly avoids your eyes, oddly embarrassed at his daughters for outing him so thoroughly to you. You knew he loved you obviously, but the easy acceptance with which they react makes him feel a little odd. 

He doesn’t really know why, but he pushes it away and takes a deep breath. “Okay sweetpea. Now then...what bad guy are we fighting?” 

-

Soo-ah doesn’t come down for the rest of the night, nor does she let Hoseok into her room whenever he comes to check on her. It fills him with worry and he knows that he spends most of the night looking at the ceiling in anxiety.

He knows that, because he’s had more than a few comforting touches or smiles from you throughout the evening. An hour of playing with the twins had soon turned into them sitting with both Hoseok and you on the couch while episodes of Pokemon played on the flat screen television.

They seemed to have got along with you pretty well, and while they certainly weren’t being overly accommodating, they had been open enough that he got the impression that everything was going to be pretty okay with them. You had enough common interests with them to keep them entertained and he had the added benefit of them both being influenced by each other.

So if one really liked you, then the other would come around soon.

Ji-soo in particular seemed to be the one that he suspected would latch onto you with a few more visits. She was already more than enamoured in the stories you’d told her of the places that you’d been over the years and he wondered if you knew that you were probably going to end up with two little shadows soon enough.

After a few episodes of Pokemon, he’d put on Detective Pikachu at Ji-eun’s request because you hadn’t seen it before and they found that to be a complete travesty. It had been around 8pm then and he was being generous in letting them stay up later than he normally would in honour of your visit.

The first hour of the film had involved you having to spend more time listening to the running commentary from the twin’s as they explained important plot points, or what they was important, and point out every little thing. He was pretty sure that you hadn’t actually been able to properly watch any of it, and he made a mental note to watch it again with you at a later date.

And then everything had gone silent. He’d been so invested in his own thoughts and worry about Soo-ah that he hadn’t even noticed until the credits were rolling and no one had complained about it.

Turning his head, he couldn’t help the smile that spread over his face as he took in the sight next to him. Something he probably hadn’t expected to happen for months, but evidently all three were more tired than he’d anticipated.

Pulling his phone out of his pocket, he quietly unlocked it and turned on the camera before taking a picture. Staring at his screen, he grinned and set it to his home screen and placed his phone on the arm of the couch.

Ji-eun was curled up next to her sister, her head resting on Ji-soo’s shoulder until their hair blended together perfectly. Ji-soo on the other hand, was curled up into your side, your arm resting around them both while your head had fallen back against the couch, all three sleeping quietly and he felt a ridiculous amount of warmth and love for you all.

Carefully, he stood up and lifted Ji-eun up as slowly as he could so as not to wake her. She made a soft little noise of complaint in his arms but didn’t stir, not until he was shifting her bed covers until he could get her beneath them. Ideally, he’d like to get her into her pyjamas and have her brush her teeth, but he knew that if he tried to wake her then he’d just have grumpiness followed by an inability to sleep for another few hours.

So this time, he’d let them sleep in their clothes. 

He repeated the same actions with Ji-soo before giving them both a kiss on the head and whispering good night to them, turning off the lamp in their room and closing the door behind him while their night light glowed warmly. Heading back downstairs, he was left with the sight of you fast asleep on the couch.

Hoseok realised that he really, really liked the sight of you in his home like this. It was an odd feeling and he shook his head, moving into the kitchen and looking in the fridge. The dish of lasagne had been left on the side, some foil covering it as it had cooled and he looked inside casually.

There was one slice left, and without a word he put it into a small tupperware tub before heading back into the living room. Crouching down next to you, he placed his hand on your knee and pushed gently while calling out your name to wake you.

A quiet groan left you as you blinked blearily, eyes glazed until they focused on him. They were blank for a moment before filling with warmth as he smiled up at you. Glancing to the side, you frowned slightly at the missing girls and he laughed slightly, standing up and taking your hand to pull you up.

You wobbled slightly, leaning your weight against him as you got your balance but he took care of that by wrapping his arms around your shoulders and hugging you to him tightly. Neither said anything for a few minutes, just simply enjoying the feeling of being in each others arms and he wished that you didn’t have to go.

“Tonight was...good. I love the twins already, they’re...characters,” You chuckle against his chest and he can’t help but laugh in return as he nods. “But sweet. I really like them. And who knew you were this good at cooking hmm? Really got myself a man who can do it all huh?”

His cheeks burn bright red then as he makes a few protesting noises but you shush him loudly, leaning your chin on his chest to look up at him with an adoring expression. “I love you. Your family...is wonderful. I can feel the love between you all, it’s...really nice. Even with Soo-ah. I was a bit awkward but I can understand why she feels like that. I hope that she can come round to me.”

“I’m sure she will. One day. I’m not going to push her though. I feel bad about it because I knew she wasn’t okay with it, but she kept telling me she was. Maybe I moved too fast with it all.” You shake your head in response, tightening your arms around him and pressing a kiss to his chest.

“She’s a big girl, and if she tells you that she’s okay with something then you have to take her at face value sometimes. We all do things that we don’t really want to do. I get the feeling that she was trying for you and at least the ice is broken now. If she refuses to have anything to do with me then...that’s within her rights I guess. At least I’ve met her. Don’t beat yourself up about it, please.” He lets out a bone deep sigh before nodding slowly.

“Okay. Thank you. For today...everything. I...despite the thing with Soo-ah, I’m really happy. Like...really, I’m so glad that the twins seem to like you a lot.” Pulling away from him, you grin as you head out into the hallway and grab your jacket and bag.

“I’m glad that you’re happy. You deserve some happiness too Hoseok, remember that.” Nodding, he catches sight of one of the photographs of Yoo-jin on the wall and swallows thickly. You were right, he did deserve to be happy as well. Yoo-jin wouldn’t want him to wallow forever.

“Oh, you can take the last of the lasagne. This is not going to get eaten unless it’s by me having midnight munchies, and I do not need the extra weight.” Patting his stomach, he held out the container which you took with a bemused expression.

“You make out like you’re overweight Hoseok. You’re not. You’re cuddly sized.” The teasing in your voice causes him to roll his eyes but he just accepts you hug once more, the muffled thanks from you taken in gratitude as he takes a deep inhale of you.

“Be safe. Drive carefully. Text me when you get home.” You exaggeratedly agree to all of his demands before he lets you go, standing in the open door as you turn to him and pull him down into a goodbye kiss. It maybe goes on a little too long, but he doesn’t care.

“I love you.”

“I love you too. Text me.” He says sternly, wagging a finger in your direction as you head over to your car in the darkness.

“Yes dad!”

“Don’t start that again!” But his protest is pointless as you just laugh and get into your car, reversing out of his drive and pulling away. He watches until he can’t see your tail lights anymore before heading back in and locking the door behind him.

His usual nightly routine is followed after that, but after he brushed his teeth and had done his business in the bathroom, he heads back over to Soo-ah’s door and knocks lightly. There’s no answer, and he wonders if she’s gone to sleep.

It makes his heart hurt to think that he can’t resolve this tonight with her, but he decides that he’s going to try and heal the rift between them tomorrow. He has to. He can’t go on with his little girl being mad at him.

After a few more minutes of silence, he sighed heavily and turns off the light before heading into his own bedroom. He spends half an hour beneath the covers of his bed, scrolling through social media and the news on his phone. You haven’t texted him yet, and worry fills him when suddenly, a light knock reverberates around the room.

Sitting up suddenly, he frowns and calls out for whoever it is to come in. The door opens slowly and he’s met with Soo-ah, dressed in her pyjamas and her hair still in the pigtails from earlier. She looks shy and hesitant, her gaze on the floor as one hand crosses over the stomach, holding the doorknob firmly.

“Can I come in daddy?” Immediately he’s nodding, opening his arms to her and she quietly closes the door behind her before rushing over, climbing onto the bed and burying herself in his arms. Even in the dim light of his bedside lamp, he’d recognised the swollen red eyes of someone who has spent a long time crying and he coos to her softly as she wraps her arms around him tightly.

Laying back on the bed, he pulls her with him and kisses her head. “Soo-soo, what’s wrong? I’m not mad at you.”

“Really? I was mean though.” Her voice is more childlike than he’s ever heard it and his heart tugs for her.

“Yeah, I’m not mad. I mean...I wish you hadn’t been mean, but I know that it’s a tough situation for you. Y/N wasn’t mad either. I just...I wish that you would have told me that you didn’t want to and I would have told her to go home. You’re important to me Soo-ah, your comfort is important.” He whispers to her.

“I was okay with it, I swear. I was worried, because I don’t want her to take mom’s place. But I know you like her. And you’ve always been alone,” She pauses, burying her face in his chest while her small arms squeeze him tighter. “I tried, but...I just...I was angry. She’s pretty and smart and funny, and you look at her all funny and it made me angry because she’s not mom.”

Hoseok blinks a few times, trying to stop himself from crying as she blurts out all of her inner feelings. He can’t even imagine how hard this has all been for her, but he lets her continue.

“I want mom, I want mom because she’s pretty and smart and funny too but mom is dead so I can’t have her. But if you’re single then she’s still here. Y/N means that she’s not here anymore, because Y/N will be here and you’ll take down her pictures and then she’ll be our mom but she’s not our mom!” Her words are fast and staccato, not really making too much sense but he doesn’t say anything about it. She’s only ten, and she’s just worried and upset about everything.

“And the twins were being so nice and they didn’t seem to care! I just wanted to scream at them! What about mom! Why does no one remember mom?!” A hiccup soon turns into a sob then and he hugs her tighter to him, letting her cry out her frazzled emotions.

“No one is going to forget mom, okay? I’m not going to forget her and she’s not going to disappear from this house. She will always be here, because you and your sisters are here. There were always be pictures of her in the house for you and I will always talk to you about her, whenever you want. I miss your mom so much, and I still love her. My relationship with Y/N doesn’t mean that she’s going to be forgotten, because she isn't. She is important to all of us and Y/N knows that. She doesn’t want to take your mom’s place, because that place is your mom’s, like I said before.” Pressing a kiss to her head again, he swallows and contemplates how to continue.

“I won’t ever expect you to call Y/N mom, and neither will she. I know you Soo-ah, and I know this is hard for you. Harder than for the twins, because you got five with your mom. But don’t be mad at them. They don’t know any different than it just being us four. They never got to have mom with them, so to them this is all new. I just...I love you all, and I don’t want to hurt any of you.” The final sentence is whispered and he feels more than a little despair.

Silence falls between them for a while before Soo-ah speaks once more.

“Tell me about mommy. Was she nice?” He’s nodding before he even realises it, flicking through his memories of the 7 years he had with Yoo-jin before finding a story for her. And so for the next hour, he proceeds to regale his daughter with all the stories of her mom that she’d never heard before. Stories he’d forgotten over time, but now remembered so vividly.

Glancing at the photograph on the other bedside table of her, his heart hurts as he remembers his beautiful wife. Kissing Soo-ah’s forehead, he smiles down at her.

“You look just like your mom. I know that she’d be so proud of you, you’re such a good girl. I know that she loves you a lot, just like I do. Don’t ever doubt that, okay? No matter what happens, I love you and your mom loves you too.” Soo-ah’s eyes fill with tears once more and she sniffles.

“I’m sorry daddy. I’m sorry I was mean to Y/N. I don’t hate her.” He laughs softly, pulling her back into a bear hug and squeezing her until she giggles, the sound making his heart soar.

“I know you don’t. I know you Soo-soo, and you’ve got too big of a heart to ever hate anyone. She knows that too.” Soo-ah quietens after that and he hums lightly, some song he heard a long time ago but can’t remember the name of. It seems to be working as Soo-ah’s eyes droop closed and she fights desperately to stay awake.

“Tell her I’m sorry. I’ll be nice next time. I swear,” She mutters, voice thick with sleep and he grins and acknowledges it. “Will she still let me ride her horse?”

He desperately wants to laugh at that and part of him wonders how much of this is because she wants to ride a horse. But he’s not going to look a gift horse in the mouth, pun fully intended. He would give Artemis a big, juicy carrot whenever he saw her.

“She’d be happy to. If you want to, then I’ll let her teach you how to ride as well.” A tiny noise of happiness leaves his daughters mouth but she doesn’t say anything further, eyes closing finally before she’s fallen fast asleep.

He doesn’t expect this to be the last time she’ll have an issue with him dating you, in fact he fully expects more issues as she comes to terms with her feelings regarding the whole thing. But at least she came to him and told him what was upsetting her. And more than that, she had apologised for her behaviour. He wanted to apologise to her as well for putting her into the situation, but instead he was just going to have to make sure that he paid more attention next time.

For ten minutes, he simply enjoys the happiness he feels from the reconciliation with his daughter and the exultation he feels at the fact he’s not having to go to sleep with her angry at him. Finally though, he gets up and carefully takes her to her own bed, musing to himself how he ended up doing this with every daughter tonight when he hasn’t had to put Soo-ah to bed like this in years now.

When he gets back to his own, he sees the message icon on his phone blinking and eagerly jumps back into bed, turning the screen on to see that you had finally texted him.

[9:31pm] Y/N: I’m home :)

[9:31pm] Y/N: I stopped at the store and they had a 2 for 1 on your shampoo. 

[9:32pm] Y/N: You can keep one here and take the other home :)

[9:32pm] Y/N: Also bought a candy bar. I’m eating it now. Mmmm

He grins at your texts and shakes his head before his fingers are flying across the screen, typing out his own response.

[9:35pm] Hoseok: Mean, you know I can’t eat candy

[9:36pm] Y/N: We established that was a lie yesterday Mr Jung

[9:36pm] Hoseok: :(

[9:36pm] Y/N: I’d share my candy with you :)

[9:37pm] Hoseok: Ha. Thanks. For the shampoo too <3

[9:37pm] Hoseok: I just put Soo-ah to bed. She came to me. Told me why she was mad. She says sorry

[9:38pm] Y/N: She doesn’t need to apologise! She’s allowed to be mad. Is she okay?

[9:38pm] Hoseok: Yeah, it was exactly what I thought. Worried about her mom. I just have to make sure she knows I won’t forget her

[9:39pm] Y/N: You won’t. I don’t want to take her place. Even though I kind of am but you get what I mean

[9:40pm] Hoseok: I do. And I love you for it

[9:40pm] Y/N: I love you too

[9:41pm] Hoseok: She also wants to know if you’ll still let her ride Artemis

[9:42pm] Y/N: Lol, of course! 

[9:42pm] Hoseok: Kinda said you’d teach her how to ride too

[9:43pm] Y/N: Haha, again, of course. I’d be happy to for you :) and the twins if they want

[9:43pm] Hoseok: Thank you. I’m gonna sleep now. I love you <3

[9:43pm] Y/N: I love you too <3

He grins at the final message before placing his phone on the bedside table and looking at the picture of Yoo-jin and him on his own table. Smiling softly, he reaches out and brings it closer to him, rubbing his thumb over her face beneath the glass.

“I hope you’re okay with this baby. I’m sorry you can’t be here, I wish you were. I hope you’re not mad at me for being with Y/N. I think you’d approve though, I really love her a lot already and she makes me so happy. I miss you, but I hope you’re okay with me moving on. I won’t forget you though, like I told Soo-ah.” Placing the frame back on the table, he turns off the lamp and curls up beneath the covers with a sigh before drifting off to sleep, his dreams filled with his daughters, you and Yoo-jin as a happy family together.

[fullmetalscullyy]

royai week day 2: mortal & immortal

rated: m | words: 3964

read on ao3

“Whoever invokes this transmutation shall be destined to live for all eternity, never dying. That is your payment, however, as per your request, your wife will return to you over the years… as a mortal. Because you foolishly thought you could bring her back from the dead, you will have to search for her, and she will never remember you. So, you will have to prove you are worthy of your wife’s love, Roy Mustang.”

Xerxes 1509 

Roy Mustang jolted awake. His head whipped around frantically, searching the room for the woman he longed to see again. Instead, there was no one. Nothing human anyway. In the middle of the room, inside a white circle he’d drawn on the floor of his main room with chalk, lay an abomination. Roy recoiled in horror, his back hitting the stone wall hard. The thing heaved a breath, struggling to take in oxygen, its mouth opening as if trying to speak.

There were no words. Just a hiss that rattled him to his core.

This thing wasn’t Riza. It had her fringe, her blonde hair dipped in blood and other slimy substances that Roy didn’t want to identify. He retched at the smell it gave off, lifting a hand to cover his mouth as he tried to settle his stomach by sheer force of will.

This… This wasn’t what he’d wanted. What had that… white thing said to him?

“Whoever invokes this transmutation shall be destined to live for all eternity, never dying. That is your payment, however, as per your request, your wife will return to you over the years… as a mortal.”

That wasn’t what he wanted. He wanted Riza back, but that thing didn’t give him a choice, didn’t allow Roy to plead his case.

Staring at the centre of the circle, Roy didn’t know what to do. Pure terror held him frozen in place, unsure of his future but knowing he’d just made the biggest mistake of his life.

*          *          *

“I’m going away,” Roy stated, packing his things into a leather pack. Even to his own ears his voice sounded hollow. It had been a month since he’d opened that portal and that monster had appeared in his home. He’d disposed of it under the cover of darkness, vomiting three of four times as the residue on its skin covered his hands, leaving them slimy, the image of the blonde hair he’d once loved splayed across sand as Roy buried it on the outskirts of Xerxes.

After numerous attempts Roy found out he couldn’t die. Just when he was about to slip away his body would jerk, and he’d be fine. There would be no pain, no physical reminder that he’d been hurt.

That thing he’d met in that white room wasn’t lying.

Which also meant there was another part which was true… And Roy didn’t want to think about that right now.

“What do you mean?” Van Hohenheim asked Roy, expression curious. He’d met the man a year ago and both Roy and Riza had become close friends with him. Hohenheim had revealed his alchemical abilities, and therefore the possibility of human transmutation, excitedly telling them both everything his master had taught him. Roy couldn’t blame him. He’d been a slave his whole life and then his master had taught him alchemy, broadening his horizons and elevating him beyond the life of a slave. Hohenheim was a free man now, and Roy was happy for him.

“I’m leaving Xerxes.”

“Really? Where will you go?”

Roy didn’t know. He just knew he couldn’t stay here anymore. Not after what he’d witnessed. That monster haunted his dreams and lurked in the shadows of his home every day. He needed out. He needed away from here.

“Because you foolishly thought you could bring her back from the dead, you will have to search for her, and she will never remember you.”

Roy knew his direction. It was to search for Riza. That thing had said she would come back to life, just not in the way Roy had bargained for. He was a desperate man who had nothing left to lose. What other choice did he have?

“I don’t know. West.”

“Roy, don’t you think –”

“No.”

Hohenheim sighed but didn’t offer any further argument. “Okay. Would you like some company?”

“I’ll be fine,” was his sharp reply.

A hand was placed on Roy’s shoulder and he paused. “Take care of yourself, Roy.”

He swallowed around the lump in his throat and nodded, continuing to pack away his things.

*          *          *

Amestris 1555

The first time he saw Riza after her death, he’d been dumbstruck. He’d wandered for years through the empty lands. Lush greenery turned to clay, barren landscapes as he travelled west. Heading south he hit the sea and followed the coast until he hit the desert…

Where his home was.

No, that was gone. That was gone when Riza died.

She was walking arm and arm with a man through a small town called Amestris. It was newly formed, had only been done so a couple of years ago. He’d rushed up like a fool, momentarily forgetting just what situation he was in, only for her be too surprised by his enthusiastic antics.

Of course.

She didn’t know who he was.

“Because you foolishly thought you could bring her back from the dead, you will have to search for her, and she will never remember you. So, you will have to prove you are worthy of your wife’s love, Roy Mustang.”

The man had been her husband.

And Roy had watched her die, again, by that man’s hands.

His rage was uncontained as he sought out his revenge. His world was darkening bit by bit as the days passed, consumed by his grief and his predicament, but unable to change it.

He’d already tried dying and it just didn’t work.

Damn that little white bastard. Damn him right to hell.

In his darkest moments, lounging in the rain, unbothered about how it will affect him, Roy briefly thought of Hohenheim. He hoped his old friend was all right and still happy after all these years. Roy hoped he’d found the freedom and knowledge he’d yearned for.

If anyone deserved it, it would be Hohenheim, Roy surmised. Because he certainly didn’t. He’d committed a sin trying to bring Riza back and now he had to pay the price.

Unable to die and left in this hell for the rest of eternity.

Sometimes it left him numb as he travelled. Other times he would be bent over double at the waist, sobs wracking his body uncontrollably. He truly was left all alone in this world. The feeling crushed him under such a great pressure it left him reeling, suffocating.

His immortality was a curse, not a blessing. Roy couldn’t wrap his head around why the King of Xerxes wished to posess such a power. It was only rumour, but every alchemist in Xerxes knew what the King’s goal was. He’d even questioned Roy and his knowledge on the subject, hoping to find an answer to his question.

Roy had nothing to give him.

He still didn’t.

Opting to remain to the southern part of the desert and avoid Xerxes altogether, Roy made his way to Xing to visit his homeland.

*          *          *

Creta 1656

“Oh god,” Roy gasped, sprinting towards the alleyway. “Riza!”

The men dragging her didn’t let up, but her head popped up, frantically searching for the person who called her name. Before she could shout for help, a man covered her mouth with his hand and Riza begun to struggle.

“Stop right there!” Roy shouted, his rage pushing him to tear each and every one of these men to pieces.

“We don’t have any business with you,” one spat, and the others chuckled around him. “We’re just going to take our friend and go –”

He was cut off as Roy snapped his fingers, fire exploding from the tips to coil around the man’s hands. His skin burned and he dropped Riza to the ground. She scrambled away as another man moved to grab her, but Roy put up a wall of flames between them both. They all took of running, yelling about a monster roaming the streets of Creta.

Roy dropped to his knees, placing a hand on Riza’s shoulder.

“Are you all right?” he asked, eyes full of concern. His gaze roamed over her body, looking for any signs of injuries. Her dress was torn at the bottom and there were patches of dirt on the pale cream fabric, but other than that, she seemed fine.

When his eyes rose to her face he was struck once more by how beautiful she was. It happened every time he met her. His love swelled in his chest and he counted himself truly fortunate to see her face again.

“Y – Yes. I am quite all right,” she stated, taking a shaky breath and Roy helped her to her feet. “I… I’ve never met you before,” she stuttered, eyes frantically searching the darkness as if expecting the men to jump out and grab her again. “Why would you help me?”

“Because you foolishly thought you could bring her back from the dead, you will have to search for her, and she will never remember you.”

Roy felt dread pool in his stomach as he remembered, however he replied to her question honestly.

“I couldn’t leave you to face them by yourself. I would rather die than subject you to that.” Riza’s gaze snapped up, eyes searching his. Roy realised what he’d said sounded forward, but it was the truth.

“She will never remember you.”

This was worse. She didn’t remember him and that was so much worse. Couple that with the fact that he’d already watched her die more times than he wanted to count over the last one hundred and fifty years, Roy’s existence was a sorrowful one.

But he couldn’t die.

His immortality came at a price, but he’d never wanted it in the first place. He’d been so arrogant that he thought a simple transmutation and a few chemicals could bring his wife back from the dead. This was the price he’d paid for such an act. A life of phycological and emotional torture.

He loved a woman he could never hold for longer than a couple of years. In his existence, it was never enough time.

Equivalent exchange.

“Can I walk you home, Riza?”

“How do you know my name?” she questioned, curiously looking up at him.

“I’m… I’m an old friend.”

“I don’t remember you. I don’t even know your name.”

“I…” Roy sighed. “I am a friend, but from a long time ago.” The word “friend” left a bad taste in his mouth because it was a lie, at last for him. “It’s likely you won’t remember me.”

Riza gave him a sideways look, but she nodded. She brushed off the dirt from her dress and looked at him expectantly. “I don’t know why…” she began uncertainly. “But I feel like I can trust you. It sounds ridiculous, I know, but… Do you feel it too?”

“It’s likely because we’ve met before,” Roy smiled, but it was tight and forced.

“I… Never mind,” she muttered, a light blush gracing her cheeks. Roy felt his heart break all over again.

If he chose, he could get years with Riza. Sometimes, upon the first time they met, that was the day she would die in some freak accident. Was it worth it, to put himself through that every time?

After a hundred and fifty years, his heart didn’t know anymore.

*          *          *

Amestris 1791

He couldn’t do this anymore. He clutched Riza’s hand tightly in his, the other covering the wound on her abdomen to try and stop the flow of blood. Roy knew she would be coming back in some way or another, but it didn’t make any of Riza’s deaths easier. Every time it felt like the first time she’d died, back in Xerxes. Perhaps that was part of his toll too.

Roy didn’t care. All he knew that Riza was dying. Again.

It always happened in front of him, no matter how hard he tried to avoid it.

“Promise me…?” she whispered against his neck, her lips grazing his skin.

“Anything.”

“Promise… You’ll find me in the next life.”

“Always,” Roy replied, kissing the top of her head. “I always have. I could never stay away.”

“I… don’t really remember… But there is a glimpse of us happy… somewhere in the desert. Does that –?”

“Xerxes,” Roy replied.

“Tell me again, please,” she sighed, body relaxing further against his. As she slipped away, Riza wanted him to tell her how they met for the first time again. Of course, he couldn’t say no.

“I moved there from Xing. I traversed the desert, heading west, because I wanted to explore the world. Only, I discovered something far more brilliant and beautiful than what this world had to offer me.” Riza sighed against him. She didn’t have much time left. Roy knew that much. However, if he could ease her passing with this story then he would tell it a million times over. “I met you and it took a long time to convince your father to let me marry you,” he chuckled. “But I won him over. We lived happily for years.” Her body was still underneath his, her chest no longer rising and falling with breaths. Roy felt tears spring to his eyes. It happened every time.

Deciding to leave out the last part of their story, Roy kissed the top of her head, whispering a promise into her ear.

“I’ll always find you, Riza. I swear it.”

*          *          *

Amestris 1915

“Colonel!” he heard her yell just as the white light overcame him.

“So, we meet again, Roy Mustang,” the entity grinned at him. Roy knew now that its name was Truth. “It’s been a while.”

“I didn’t do this,” he snarled, furious that Bradley and Pride had managed to pin him down to open the gate. “Send me back.”

“I can’t do that. Regardless, you’ve ended up here and a toll must be paid.”

“Send me back!”

“Shout all you like,” Truth grinned, infuriating him. “It’s not going to change anything. To pass through the gate a toll must be paid. The first time it was your mortality. Because of your own arrogance, you wanted to bring your dead love back to life. That’s impossible. Once someone is dead, they are dead. That can never change, although I’m sure now you already know that truth,” it grinned. Roy glared in response. “What shall I take this time? How has immortality treated you over the years?”

“Bastard,” Roy spat.

“You were the one who wanted her back. I gave her back to you.”

“I had to watch her die time and time again, unable to stop it. That’s not what I asked for.”

“You were not specific. So lost in your grief, you never specified how you wanted her to be brought back, or the conditions of that agreement.”

“I’m…” Roy sighed, every year he’d lived catching up to him at once. He was too old for an argument like this. “I’ve lived far too long,” Roy admitted to himself, suddenly very weary. He’d been alive for over four hundred years. Four hundred years of doing nothing but rediscover the woman he still loved, only to watch her die time and time again under different circumstances. Old age, disease, freak accidents… Everything. Roy had seen it all. Every time Riza died, a part of him died with her.

And she never remembered him.

It had been too much.

“Just… Make sure she lives a long and happy life. Even if that’s without me, I don’t mind. That’s all I want. For her to be happy.”

“As you wish,” Truth grinned, the smile growing wider to reveal more teeth. The form faded to white and Roy’s world went black.

*          *          *

Roy didn’t know what Truth had taken from him. He felt fine. But… why was the room so dark?

His eyes.

Truth took his eyesight, he discovered.

He’d laughed to himself as the others spoke to Father, the one who looked so much like Hohenheim from his youth in Xerxes. When Roy had arrived in that room, Hohenheim had sounded incredibly surprised to see him. They hadn’t seen each other since Xerxes. After Roy found out what happened he left, returning west to wander for the rest of his days. If he’d known Hohenheim was still out there, he’d probably have sought him out to try and squash down his crushing loneliness. A touch of familiarity would have probably done him the world of good. Something to tie him back to his happily married life in Xerxes…

Roy had laughed at his predicament because how fitting, for Truth to leave him immortal and Riza mortal, but take away his ability to see her again.

It was cruel.

As he was being tossed around by father, disorientated and confused because he was unable to see, Roy came to a realisation. This was different from when he was hurt before. Being immortal, pain was there, but it was gone almost instantly, as if the wounds healed themselves. As he was being hurt… it fucking hurt. Nothing like he’d experienced before. His body was drained and fatigued, another symptom he hadn’t experienced in over four hundred years.

Could it be… That he was no longer immortal?

Could… Could he finally die?

There was no time to dwell on it in the fight. It was only after the Promised Day, in the silence of their hospital room, did Roy finally contemplate it. Of course, there was only one way to know for sure if he was no longer immortal, but he didn’t want to die. This was the most he’d ever accomplished in this world. After rediscovering Father and finding out his plans Roy couldn’t leave again. Riza may die before his eyes but he knew she’d come back. Roy had seen this country grow from nothing. It had been his home for over four hundred years. He wasn’t going to let it go to ruin because a bastard from centuries ago decided he wanted to become one of the most powerful beings in existence.

Roy wouldn’t let that happen.

He’d infiltrated the military from early on, and, of course, met Riza in Ishval. She’d angrily demanded where he learned his alchemy from, distrusting him from the start, however it was something Roy was used to at this point.

He never told her what had happened. This Riza was different from the others. Every woman he’d met was like the happy one he’d met in Xerxes, but the Riza in this time was different… She was closed in on herself, shooting glares to everyone who crossed her path. There was no option for conversation, just a crisp salute and minimal small talk. Around the camp she was known as being quiet and staying isolated from the others.

When Roy found her sobbing on the outskirts of the encampment, pleading for him to kill her after everything she’d done there, that was when things begun to change.

It hurt him to know she was suffering in Ishval just like he was. Roy had never anticipated in the wars over the years, but he couldn’t let Father win. It gave him a purpose he’d been lacking for centuries. But he had no idea what he’d been getting himself into when he joined the military.

“Sir, are you awake?”

Every time she called him that, Roy felt crushed. He hated that in this life, that was all they were to each other. Yes, he still got to experience life with her – more than anything he’d ever had before – but there was nothing between them. It killed him to remain distant. He had loved Riza Hawkeye for over four hundred years. It had never once faded or wavered. To spend this lifetime together so close yet so far apart… It was another form of torture that had become his existence.

“Yes, Lieutenant,” he replied to the inky black that was now his life.

“I can hear you thinking,” she replied. From her tone, Roy could almost imagine the wry smile on her face. What he would give to see that smile once more…

He jumped in fright as the bed dipped by his side. “Scoot over,” she murmured, and Roy did so. Riza pushed him gently backwards by the shoulders so he was lying on the bed, unseeing eyes open and looking up at the ceiling.

“Lieutenant, what –”

“It’s all right. I know everything.”

Roy froze. “What? Know what?”

“When you were forced to open the gate, everything came back to me.”

He couldn’t comprehend her words. “I’m sorry, what –”

“Our life in Xerxes, you, finding me every time only to watch me die one way or another, and how much I love you.” Roy’s breath caught in his throat. “Although, that had already been building over the years we spent together in this lifetime. It just confirmed it for me.”

“You… You remember?” He was dumbfounded. How… How could this have happened?

Riza nodded against him. Her head was now resting on his shoulder, her arms wrapped around his as she cuddled into his side. “I do. You were immortal, weren’t you? Left to search for me every time I was reincarnated?” Roy still couldn’t reply. “I’m sorry you were subjected to that. There was a little white… thing. It spoke to me as I faded away. You held me with such care and tenderness that I fought it. I didn’t want to leave this earth and leave you behind. We had so much left to do. Then,” Riza added, taking a breath. “There was this voice speaking to me. I saw a white body sitting on the floor, wearing a grin. No features, aside from the mouth. It was talking to me, telling me all about what had happened, who you were. Memories filled my head from years ago. Well before my time in this life.”

“Riza…”

“I didn’t believe it at first. That was absurd. Then finally, there were the memories of the desert… In Xerxes. I was so happy back then. We had everything…”

“I… I honestly don’t know… You remember?”

A kiss was placed against his jaw. “I do. Every bit. You always found me,” she whispered, her voice subdued. “Are you all right?”

Tears leaked down his cheeks, overwhelmed.

She remembered him.

That was all he’d ever wanted. For Riza Hawkeye to remember him and love him like he had loved her for over four hundred years.

“You’ve been waiting four hundred years for me,” she whispered. “I still can’t believe it,” she chuckled, her disbelief showing. “Sorry I’m a little late.”

Roy laughed through his tears, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and pulling her close.

He couldn’t believe it.

No longer immortal but blinded so he couldn’t see the woman who remembered him. It was a steep price to pay, however hearing her so happy and saying she remembered him… It was one he was willing to pay for this sliver of happiness. If Riza Hawkeye was happy, the so was he. That’s what he’d told Truth. He wanted her to be happy.

Apparently, that was with him.

And if this God-like creature decided that was the truth, then it’s clear they were destined to be together.

Finally, in that hospital bed, with his wife curling up against him, he could rest.

[psi-psina]

Namba Hatch 25/26 ♡

04/25

00. SE

01. 谿壑の欲 

02. Downfall 

03. 人間を被る 

04. 理由 

05. Ash 

06. Rubbish  Heap

07. DOZING GREEN

08. 赫 

09. Celebrate Empty Howls

10. undecided 

11. Ranunculus 

12. Devote My Life

13. 軽蔑と始まり

14. Values of Madness

15. 詩踏み 

16. Followers 

17. 鬼眼 

18. Revelation of mankind

19. THE DEEPER VILENESS 

20. 冷血なりせば

I’ll get straight to the point, Kyo was very disappointed tonight and he ended the show really pissed off. He didn’t go very crazy during encore and at the end of Reiketsu he just leaned on his crate for a moment and then turned around and walked off, well before it was all over. 

Kyo visited kamite during Values of Madness, and according to a couple of people there, there were a couple of idiots goofing around chatting with each other and taking photos of the show. Kyo very abruptly stopped singing and he did shout at them (“You fucking idiots/jerks” - obviously not with the mic) and REALLY threw down the mic, and retreated, showing us his back for a number of beats before picking it up again. I only actually saw from when he threw down the mic because I had been headbanging and had an obstructed view so I didn’t know what had caused him to react like that until after the show. And it’s been well reported already that there was also an obnoxious group up on the balcony who were apparently drunk, and also just standing around chatting and causing problems. I had a fairly obstructed view for parts of the set last night and in shimote at least the crowd was very energetic, so I had trouble taking everything in. 

Overall the crowd tonight was definitely a mixed bag and also a bit of a mess, right from the start. During the rush forward I fell due to like 3 people stacking it in front of me and one girl losing her shoe. I hope no one was badly hurt, I got a scrape on my knee weirdly, and also hurt my right foot. 😂 

The sound seemed a liiiiiiitle bit off for a Hatch show tonight? I don’t know if that had anything to do with the poorer impression of the show.

The other guys were pretty normal but were not as energetic as they were in Nagoya, especially Toshiya. Kaoru went over to kamite I think twice and Toshiya maybe 3 times over the whole night and I also don’t recall any of them visiting Shinya tonight, which they have been doing at least once at the other shows. Kyo and Die did not visit shimote ONCE the whole night. :( Overall they were not very active. But honestly, with all that being said, I gave everything I could and I still had a fantastic live. There was just a bit of an awkward feeling at times.

They opened with Keigaku again and I didn’t get to writing about this in the Nagoya report idk I just forgot but can I just say….Keigaku live is just on a whole other fuckin level…the sheer extent of how EPIC this song is live and how good those SUCCULENT transitions are without TIW’s mix dampening them is BEYOND, GUYS. IT. IS. BEYOND. Absolutely lap. that. shit. up!!! Also, Keigaku is SUCH a good opener like ARGGGG I love it sooo much. AND THEN DOWNFALL AND NINGEN TONIGHT AHHHH!!! Such a response, I could just let all my feelings out. 😭 I wanted to try to pay more attention to what is shown on the screen during Downfall and Rubbish Heap tonight but I utterly failed. RUBBISH HEAP tonight was THE BEST!! I didn’t see shit because I was too busy headbanging and jumping and screaming!

Celebrate Empty Howls did not land tonight, there was a weird shift in the mood during this song because the crowd tonight just didn’t really connect to it imho. I blame this on it’s placement in the setlist again. It genuinely felt like no one, not even particularly Kyo, was really in the mood for Celebrate tonight after Aka, esp because Dozing and Aka were so so spellbinding, everyone was deep in this atmosphere and then Celebrate just didn’t really work with it (that was my feeling). Tonight I probably felt Celebrate the least out of any night. undecided and Ranunculus followed and Kyo again cried horribly when he sang undecided, but this performance also had a…different feeling. Tonight he had this hopelessness when singing undecided that I have't seen at the other lives….during the previous lives even when he wept he sang with this strength and soulfulness that completely broke my heart and made me cry. Tonight it was more broken. 

When Kyo spoke to us during encore, he spoke us very roughly and also largely without the mic. He snarled and truly riled us as much as he could, he also growled “BOBOZAGA” twice. 

The Deeper Vileness went beyond my wildest dreams and I managed to get a look at Kaoru during the PITCH and oh my god his expression. if the sentiment of “i am a fucking GOD” could be distilled into a single expression, that was it. He looked so fucking satisfied and honestly I just lost it. Also had a spectacular time of Reiketsu, truly, it was overall a fantastic live and I’m genuinely sorry that Kyo's impression of the night was turned to shit by various things. He didn’t headbang Reiketsu but left the stage almost immediately after the final “SUCK ME” (fitting final words…) and that was when his displeasure became extremely clear to me.

04/26

00. SE

01. 赫 

02. Downfall 

03. 人間を被る 

04. Rubbish Heap 

05. Ash 

06. Values of Madness

07. DOZING GREEN

08. 谿壑の欲 

09. Celebrate Empty Howls

10. undecided 

11. Ranunculus 

12. Devote My Life

13. 軽蔑と始まり 

14. 獣慾 

15. 詩踏み 

16. Followers 

17. 鬼眼 

18. Sustain the untruth

19. GRIEF 

20. 冷血なりせば

Tonight was a true Namba Hatch show from start to finish. It was ROUGH in the pit and the intensity of the fans was totally consuming. Kyo’s words after the first day had a very, very clear effect. I ended up being in the Kyo pit after two crushes and the absolute fervor to give him satisfaction tonight was extremely palpable. You could feel it from all sides. And despite not containing Vileness, this setlist is also at least 70% better than the other variation; Celebrate was a BLAST tonight and works a thousand times better following Keigaku, and Juuyoku bests Wake at literally any table. (I kinda wish they’d left out Wake entirely on this tour tbh, it’s not that I haven't appreciated the song itself, there are just songs that’d work soooo much better in it’s place…especially bc it’s still weirdly paired up with Ash).

I truly can’t write much about this night due to the sheer intensity of it. Words are lacking and I’m also still physically recovering from it. During Juuyoku I was having abdominal pain from the exertion and I was pretty dizzy for most of Utafumi. It was like the 2nd night at Shinkiba with the intensity dialled up by 1000%. We were packed together and while it was violent, the violence arose from the sheer intensity and VOLUME of energy everyone was giving, not from being selfish or inconsiderate; no one around me was treating other people like an obstacle, the overall feeling was remarkably supportive.

I will say that this was genuinely Kyo’s night, it was his finale. I don’t know why, but like on the first night, the other guys were not even trying to compete with him for attention and really seemed just….pretty chill. Toshiya came to the middle once or twice but didn’t go to kamite at all and Kaoru and Die really only moved around the stage during Sustain (far as I can remember). They weren’t particularly working the crowd but just gave pretty normal performances. This ain’t no criticism!!!! I’m just not used to having such a lack of impressions from the other guys, but it definitely didn’t help that I was in Kyo pit.

Kyo absolutely SHOWERED both sides with attention during Sustain, he was absolutely LIVING ♡ and holy shit I could not BELIEVE the sound that went up from shimote when he went over there, the roaring was drowning out the instruments for me. 😁 I distinctly remember Kaoru coming over to stand in front of us during Sustain and I was about to go crazy but a;skjdnf Kyo was distracting LITERALLY EVERYONE over in shimote, and no one really shouted, and my “KAORU KAORU KAORU!!!!!!!!’s” were totally drowned out by everyone else alskdnf and he just stood there chillin’ staring off into the middle distance, I was like ALKSJND BITCH! I’M LITERALLY ABOUT TO DIE FOR YOU!!! UGH! I miss you, I just want one ROAR face!! KAJNsdljn

There was only one damper on the atmosphere during the whole night and it was during undecided when about three people in the Kyo pit needed help from staff, I think they needed water and at least one person had to be pulled out. People were definitely trying to disrupt as little as possible but, it can’t be helped. So undecided was a little bit muted because of this distraction but everyone remained gracious. Kyo’s performance was more sedate, but he still wept.

I wept during Ranunculus, again. Not as badly as in Shinkiba (day 2), which was UGLY. Ranunculus never fails to bring tears but obviously some nights are a lot worse than others. Hearing Kyo’s heavy/shaking breaths at the end/throughout the song is also just too much to bear.

Followers was absolutely wonderful tonight, it’s truly a song you wanna be in front of Kyo for ♡ and oh man the feeling that was given tonight…I can’t put words to it 😭

There was one song…I think it was Ash, at the end of it Kyo knelt on his crate and mussed up his hair so it stuck out everywhere and bared his teeth at us in this very mischievous grin. ♡

Kyo spoke with great passion during the encore, he told us to fucking lose our voices, lose our necks and i LOVE seeing him headbang like this again! Bobozaga did not make another appearance.

He collapsed after Reiketsu and then made it over to the drums where he lit a cigarette and took a moment and then came back to the front with a water bottle. He looked extremely replete ♡ He splashed us with water a bit and threw the bottle in, and he also went to shimote and splashed two girls on the rail with water and gave one of them the bottle 🙏🏾 He came back to the centre and threw in his towel after wiping his face with it. He put his hand on his heart and called out “Osaka” and also blew us a fox kiss before he waved bye-bye. ♡♡♡

these are extremely incomplete but it’s basically all I can manage ♡ I met so many people on this tour and there are a number that I am extremely thankful for, I’m looking forward to the autumn tour and hopefully a number of reunions very, very much ♡

I love Dir so much ♡

[littlemisssquiggles]

How did you feel about Ruby’s “we don’t need adults to help us” speech? A part of me loved it but a small part of me felt like it was a bit ignorant. I mean, Tyrian would’ve killed Jaune, Nora, and Ren and taken Ruby straight to Salem if Qrow hasn’t been there to save them

I’min agreement with you on that one Miggy.  Onone side, I honestly don’t blame Ruby for reacting the way she did with Qrow. Tobe fair, I think we all saw this confrontation coming from as far back asBrunswick. In the beginning I sympathized with Qrow because I knew his recentbehaviour was coming from a place of grief and sheeranger after realizing that he practically disowned his own family in place offollowing a man who made him believe that he was fighting a good fight when inreality it was an unwinnable battle with an unbeatable foe. Though I stillstand firmly in my defence of Ozpin, I’m not mad at Qrow for beingangry nor do I blame him for choosing to cope with his emotions the only way heknows best which is alcohol abuse sadly. Like I said, I sympathizedwith Qrow at the start but that sympathy started to wear thin the more Irealized that Qrow went from being understanding to more or less unreasonable.

Notto sound harsh but Qrow is supposed to be the adult inthis, right? Second to Ozpin, Qrow is supposedly the next in line to takecharge in Oz’s absence or at least assist from the side-lines as he did diligentlyduring V4and V5.However, as of V6C4, Qrow hasn’t been at his best. He’s been rather…how you say…difficult thesepast few episodes. Again, I sympathized with him back on Brunswick’s Farms butafter the second time he abandoned the team to go drown his sorrows, especiallyafter Cordovan blanked the group aid to Atlas, that’s where my sympathy wellwent dry. Whether you’re a huge Bird Dad fan ornot, I think we can all agree that the Branwen man has been a brat these past few episodes; more so than the actualchildren on the team.

Thisis why I’m grateful that the group encountered Maria whenthey did. You do realize that if Maria wasn’t present, the QROWMBY probablywould’ve surely perished back when they were still separated. If not from thefreezing weather but also on Brunswicks.

Andwhat was Qrow doing during both those times. Not taking charge and drinkingaway his pain. I’m not bringing all this up to bash Qrow; I’m just mentioningit to prove a point. The reality is that Qrow has been problematic. That’s not to say he’sthe only adult at fault and didn’t have a justifiable reason for his behaviour;it’s just…it’s just both sad and angering at the same time how much Qrow allowedhis pain over Oz’s deceit keep him from staying connected with the group, y’knowwhat I mean?

Youcan see that as the episodes progressed, especially after C7, the othercharacters have moved on from the Ozpin debacle. Whether they still don’t trusthim is a question still left to be answered but the others have moved on tofocus on the biggerpicture which is getting to Atlas.Qrow, technically still is the only one still left feeling hopeless.

WhenOzpin abandoned the team in the cold (which he had reason to given the level ofhostility targeted towards him at the time), rather than stepping up, Qrow fell apart as well and continued to do so even up until lastepisode. As a matter of fact, I think last episode was his worst, according toYang. It was also the final straw with Ruby and her tolerance of her uncle’srecent behaviour.

AsI said, Qrow isn’t the only person who felt the blow of the truth. The whole team did but at least everyone else was able to sort ofbounce back from it.

EvenJNR were able to bounce back from their exposure to the truth despite theirinitial disgust. The only person who hasn’t recovered is Qrow himself.

Iunderstand that everyone takes things in differently than others and noteveryone reacts to problems the same. But…I guess the thing that gets me themost is here we have the team stuck at a dead end and they’re all trying tocome up with a solution. Despite everything that they’ve learnt, here are theheroes trying to still figure out a way to keep moving forward and rather thanhelping, Qrow continues to be problematic. Storming off because things didn’twork the first time. Not answering when your teammates are trying to get incontact with you because you’re probably too plastered. Getting yourself soplastered that you can barely function right to the point that you wind uppassed out on the front step at the house you’re staying at. For a person whohas a misfortune semblance, Qrow is lucky that he crashed in front of the righthouse.

What if thegroup had been in serious danger after Qrow had left them again to go drink? Whatif the group had been in serious danger when Qrow returned home in this currentmessed up state?

Andto add the cherry on the cake, when the group are having a moment becauseon the members disappeared (which Qrow would’ve known about if he had cared toanswer his phone when Ruby called. I wouldn’t be surprised if she tried callinghim again after RWBY and Maria went looking for Oscar), Qrow once again choosesto walk away and leave them after being absent for nearly a whole evening.

Thenof course, when Jaune makes a suggestion for how to get to Atlas, rather thanhearing him out further, he shoots it down. Yes I know Jaune’s plan is pretty out there…butstill Qrow could have heard him out more. Instead Ruby had to step up which brings meto the meat of my post.

Qrow is theadult.He’s the one that’s supposed to takeleadership when Oz isn’t around or at least be a strong support. He’s supposed tomake himself present during the times when the group are rallied togethertrying to come up with a plan. But what has Qrow done since C4? Get wasted anduse that as an excuse to distance himself from the team when he really shouldbe standing with them. As Ruby rightfully said, they should all stick together and try and figure things out together because as ateam united, they’re much better off than if they’re divided. United we stand.Divided we fall.

Asfor Ruby’s statement to Qrow, I didn’t see it as her implying that the groupdidn’t need the adults. More along the lines up of when shit hit the fans, thetwo adults who normally take charge were too focused with their own problems thatthe kids had to step up and figure things out in their place. It may not be assmooth sailing as a plan from Oz might’ve been but at least it’s doable. Atleast they managed to keep moving.

And that’s what they’re trying to do againcurrently. Devise another plan to keep moving toward Atlas because right nowit’s they’re best chances of keeping the Relic out of Salem’s reach for now.

If the heroes are united, they will have a muchbetter chance of succeeding if they tried together. Ruby has been trying tokeep the group’s moral up by keeping things together. She’s been doing that onher own even though she has not the slightest clue how to do it. This is why Iliked Maria’s comment to her in C8 about Ruby not giving herself enough credit.She’s correct.

Rubyis practically the heart and soul of the hero team. It’s her unquantifiablespark that keeps the others going. However just becauseRuby is an inspirational person and a voice of hope, that doesn’t make her invincible.She’s just a fragile as everyone else. Perhaps…evenmore.This is also why I appreciate characters like Oscar and Maria. Even thoughthey’re both the newcomers to the team, they’ve both acknowledged how muchresponsibility Ruby places on herself as a leader. 

This is why I love how Oscarhas sort of appointed himself as a person who wants to offer Ruby supportwhenever he sees her overwhelmed or distressed in some way.

WhileMaria is quick to pull up Ruby when she does too much for herself, Oscar is supportive and doesn’t mind stepping in if it means that he canhelp take the pressure off Ruby for a second. Honestly…Oscar and Maria, blessthem both for their roles in Ruby’s court now.

Soyeah, Ruby has been doing her gosh darn hardest to keep things together butit’s very difficult for her to do that when you have Qrow, the actual adultwho’s supposed to be doing the guiding or at least helping with the guiding isoff sulking or worst fighting her or shooting down any idea the group mighthave without offering any of his own.

Qrowhas notbeen guiding this team. Ruby has and Ruby is technicallya child. One of the youngest members on the team. When I look at itlike that, I don’t blame Ruby for lashing out at Qrow the way she did. He hadit coming.

HOWEVER…

…Ican also see Ruby’scurrent stance with Qrow becoming problematic as well. Not only doesit put a bit of a strain of her relationshipwith her uncle especially since Qrow and Ruby have been thick as thieves sincethe birdman’s introduction.

Qrowhas always had Ruby’s back and she has his which is why it’s miserable (and interesting from a story perspective) to seethis volume challengetheir close bond. Plus, the way Qrow looked at Ruby after she told him that shedoesn’t care what he thinks was the real kicker tome.

Ifeel the reason why Qrow looked so surprised is because; he’s probably heard that same sentence beforefrom someone very close to Ruby who looked exactly like her. I thinkQrow might’ve seen Summer mirrored in Ruby atthat moment.

Iwas having a chat with @che1sea-xiao-long the other day and we both pretty muchsummed up the same conclusion. This must’ve been one of the last few thingsthat Summer said to Qrow before leaving on her last mission.

Somefolks believe that Qrow probably killed Summer by accident with his semblance.For me, my theory was that Summer must’ve discovered the truth about Salem from Ravenbefore she left and made a plot togo after Salem herself. We know now, especially from Maria’s originstory that Salem has been hunting Silver Eyed Warriors since in her time. Why would Salemneed to hunt the Silver Eyes unless they didn’t pose a real threat to her personally?

Iwonder if Salem had an encounter with a Silver Eyed Warrior and got hurt by oneof them and thus put out a hit on all Silver Eyes. If not, then what if…afterRaven told her the truth of Salem’s immortality, Summer must’ve put two and twotogether and came up with the idea that since Salem was hunting down her kindthen it must’ve meant that Silver Eyes are the key to stopping her once and forall.

Iwouldn’t be surprised if that became the motivation for Summer to stubbornlygo after Salem herself in a final mission that was against Ozpin’s orders. I have a hunch that Summer must have confronted Ozwith her theory of going after Salem herself. Oz refused to put Summer in suchdanger based on an unproven theory. Even if the Silver Eyes were an enemyto the Grimm, there was still no proof at the time that it can hurt Salem so Ozwasn’t willing to put Summer’s life on the line like that. After what we knewof Oz before and what we know now, he wouldn’t do such a thing. However, Summer Rose was a stubborn and decided to go against Oz’s orders despite hisresilience.

Andsuspecting that Summer might do something rash, Oz told Qrow to keep close tabs on Summerbecause he feared she might do something dangerous and Qrow, being someone whoobviously cared a lot about Summer followed her. He probably even tried to talkher out of her so-called important secret mission that doesn’t want to tellanyone about---not even him. But he knew it must be something bad if Oz toldhim to go after Summer. I like the idea of Qrow confronting Summer during herfinal mission only for her to tell him the very same thing Ruby told him.

“…I don’tcare what you think! I’m doing this whether you like it or not! Whether youwant to help me or not!”

Whatwould even been be sadder is ifthose were the verylast words Summer said to Qrow before she…Idunno, sacrificed herself to protect him from a Grimm horde that overpoweredthem both or something.

I’dlike to think that Qrow followed Summer on her final mission but had no clueabout the truth regarding Salem. Oz didn’t tell him still and neither didSummer. They both chose to keep him in the dark for his own safety. At least bymy theory.

Ithink eventually Qrow will start to see a lot of Summer Rose in Ruby and that might start to make feel more concerned for the attitude she’s adopting. Ruby is starting tosound more like her mother and for what it’ s worth, Qrow might start fear thatshe’ll make the same brash self-sacrificial choices that her mother did yearsago before she died.

Butagain…this is just my theory. We’ll see how things play out for these two intoday’s episode. Until then, sorry this response took so long Miggy. Ihad a rather busy week last week. But I hope it’s a good answer.

~LittleMissSquiggles (2019)

[mama-ghostie-61542]

A Thousand Lifetimes

Rating applies--M++ for language and esoteric themes.

Also....If you recognize it, IT AIN'T MINE!

Some things may seem a little OOC, but I tried.

Chapter 1.

Security and the legal division had gone over both the kiosk recording and the box, the story, and had found nothing in it but papers. The legal department passed the written work off to the writing department.

The writers went over the work with a fine toothed comb and found it odd, but not bad. However, those pages were quickly repacked for delivery to the intended recipient, the box retied with care, and placed into the bin with all of the other packages to be delivered to the dorms.

It wasn't long before security added the video to a small drive and taped it to said box.

When it arrived, someone had taken the time to place it in another box. The weekly care packages from fans were separated and placed in the boxes for final delivery to the dorms.

Most of the other mail was letters, but Minhyuk noticed a non-descript box with Yoo Kihyun written on the side.

"Hey, Kik, did you order anything?"

"No," He replied shaking his head, confusion covering his face.

"Hmm. You have a package. Feels like a book."

"Why would a Monbebe send me a book?"

"Don't know. Guess you will have to open it. Maybe it's a cook book."

Kihyun PoV

It was still early, so I fixed some coffee and settled in on the couch, placing my box and mug on the coffee table. Last night had been a rough night. I had dreamed of her again; of those eyes I would know in the dark. The ones I had searched every fan for. It's why I like to hold their hands. My Ghost is good at cloaking her eyes, but the electric shock of recognition in the hands is impossible to hide or to fake. Honestly, it is a small part of why I decided to pursue music as a career, rather than a hobby. It was one of the few professions that I could meet a lot of people and maybe, if all the stars aligned, I'd find her. As I was already proficient in it, it made sense.

After that dream, which consisted of chasing her around a car with a water hose, the universe had left distinct impressions of her everywhere. From the ghost of her energy in the shower to the smell of her on my sheets. I swear, this morning, I felt like, if I turned fast enough, I would still see her watching my back. Good Mother, Please, this is going to drive me crazy today. But, as that thought crosses my mind, the Elders whisper back that it is something she herself is experiencing as well.

I scrubbed my face with my hands again, trying to rid myself of the lingering pressure of her fingertips, before I picked up my coffee and sipped at it for a minute. It helps, but fuck it hurts. The simple act of sipping this brew is almost enough to make me tear up, and I know, some how, it is just as bad for her. That the color keeps her thinking of me.

"What did you get," came a voice over my shoulder.

I looked to see HyunWoo with his own mail and coffee, sitting down across from me.

"Not sure yet," I answered as I shook my head, mostly to dispel the images that have suddenly popped into it; and set my mug down.

I was kind of afraid to open the box, because I sometimes get weird stuff sent to me from strangers. Not a single one of the million faces I have seen has been the one I see in my dreams. I know she is out there somewhere, but I am still not quite sure as to where. I wish I had a clue, just one, that would put me on the right track. I have almost begged the Ancestors, and I have asked her through whatever this connection is, but each time she answers, it's garbled. A part of me is certain she has wished for a clue, as well.

Sighing deeply to steady myself, I opened the box, only to find tissue paper and another box with post-it and a thumb drive attached to it. I tore off the thumb drive and read the post-it.

--Watch this. Do you know who she is?--

I was taken aback. That was an odd thing for security to say.

I went to grab my laptop and, after it finished booting up, slid the drive into the usb. The only file was a copy of the camera at the kiosk outside the main office. There, on that camera, was a woman. The slight breeze last night had made her ankle length cloak flutter around her, showing her clothes; faded jeans that lovingly hugged her hips and thighs, and a faded t-shirt. I tried to see her face but only the curve of her cheek and the cleft of her chin could be seen in the street lights. Oddly, they seemed very familiar.

As she came closer, the lights flipped on, and the hood further obscured her face. It wasn't until she got closer that I realized, she had a box with her. She gently placed it in the compartment that had been put there for the legal department's night deliveries.

I could hear her softly sigh and whisper, "No, I am enough. And this is enough. All I want is a twitch, just enough to know he is still there."

And then she stood and pulled herself up to her full height, maybe 165 cm, and turned those eyes to the camera.

My world stopped right there. For a minute, I forgot how to breathe. There were memories pulling in from every corner of the ether.

There she was. That face, those eyes that I would know in the dark and mostly dead. I know her, better than anyone else. Better, sometimes, than I felt I had a right to. She was there last night while I slept. But what she said next would shake me to my core.

"It is done. The ball is your court, now, my love."

I didn't even bother to turn off the computer as I reached across the table for that box. Whatever was in it was precious because it was from her, from my queen.

That name was one I had given her long ago. It's the only one I shared with the guys, but I had never told them why. It's the way she carries herself, confidant and regal like a queen. In truth, she is more like a queen than she knows. She is like a warrior queen of old; confidant in her abilities, humble before Spirit, and more than willing to take the hurt to defend those whom she cares for. I knew that first hand, as she had sacrificed for me, once.

That was one of the worst nightmares I have ever had. I knew it was an old memory coming up, but it still hurt. It always starts the same way, the feeling of being shoved out of the way. Next, comes seeing the light in her eyes dim as she fell to one knee. Then, I was holding her, rocking her and begging her not to go where I could not follow, to stay with me; as her life blood flowed from a place on her side. From that place where the bolt had sliced her as it went past. I whispered to her that I would find her, as her breath on my cheek stopped, and then screaming as she crossed the veil. The overwhelming sorrow suddenly gave way to rage. I laid her down and kissed her forehead, before racing off into the thick of battle; the loss tempering my resolve to let those troops feel how I felt. It was my own recklessness that had me charging into the thick of battle, blinded with tears and the sudden loss of our connection. I couldn't feel her anymore, and it felt like she had taken the better part of me with her. We had been trained to never fall into bloodlust on the field, but I readily gave myself over to it. I had gone no more than 30 feet from her before it all went black. In that berserker rage, that overwhelming grief, I left a path of death and destruction in my wake. I did not care what colors the men wore, as my broken heart lashed out with my blade.

That is one of the reasons I am glad to have my own room, here. At least this way, I won't wake the others with my nightmares anymore. Or the bittersweet dreams where I wake up crying for her all over again. In all honesty, she has always been my Ghost. Her eyes have been in all of those bittersweet dreams for years. You know the ones; the sweetest dreams that you don't want to wake up from, you just want to soak it all up because you know that the reality hurts. I am starting to think I will never find her.

I reopened the box, wondering who had closed it, as I glanced up to see Minhyuk wink.

Silently, I thanked the Elders for Min as I pulled the tissue away from the inner box and pulled it out.

My hands were shaking as I untied the black and red ribbon from the box, realizing its significance, and gently pulled off the lid. My heart sank as I realized the papers inside had been handled many times. It was truly a metaphor for our lives, our hearts and souls. Both had been handled many times before they finally came to rest where they were supposed to have been all along.

Sighing, I pulled the letter off of the top.

'Hey, Haka.'

I could not help the smile, then. Sheer relief coursed through me as I realized that she remembered. That name was a play on words that we both knew, an inside joke, if you will. See, it started out with her calling me Hawkie; the Crazy Hawk Flying Off On Every Wind. But it changed to Heyhaka; mostly because her ex-asshole claimed to be me. That pissed me off to no end. But I digress, in her culture, Heyhaka, the Elk, was quite the ladies man. She always said it was fitting, as he was the siren of the forest. Thus, when he sang, he could draw the ladies from far and wide to his lodge, having his pick of them whenever he chose to. However, even though she has called me her "Siren of Seoul," and sirens traditionally sang sailors to their deaths; I could never hurt her.

'I hope this finds you well and in good spirits. Please, for your own sake, do not run to me, my king. You and I both know you are bound by contract and we both know that the others would be at your heels.

Some may mistake your gentleness for something else; but make no mistake, my dear, I do not. You, my love, are more the pathfinder; determined to find the way to do what must be done, to find each and every loophole and exploit them to your fullest advantage. All the makings of a cherished, shrewd, and benevolent king; in my humble, yet honest, opinion.

Please, do not think me forward if I say that I dreamed of your eyes for many, many years before I ever saw them. I drew them from memory many times; but alas, the fire in them, the love, the passion, remains something ink and graphite cannot capture. Imagine my shock at seeing them, in this life, halfway around the world. I can almost see the soft smile in those endless pools now.'

She was right, I was smiling softly. The deep and abiding dedication to a souls love in those words, nearly brought tears to my eyes. I kept reading as I sat back, chewing on my thumb.

'And now you are on the verge of tears, chewing on your thumb and trying to hold it all in. Curled up somewhere soft and cozy, trying your hardest to not allow a single thing to be seen. However, my king, the knights have already seen the look on your face. It will not be long now and you will find either another cup of coffee or a mug of tea next to you. Please, tell my soul brothers I said Hello.'

About that time, Min and Honey brought me a mug of herbal tea and a blanket. I smiled. "The Queen says to tell her brothers 'Hello'."

Honey smiled and patted my shoulder, before dropping a kiss on my head and walking away, the shine of tears in his own eyes.

Min, on the other hand, sat next to me on the couch and tucked the blanket in around me. Then he hugged me. "If you talk to her," he whispered, "Tell her I am sorry."

"What for," I asked.

"She'll know," was his answer. After that, he quietly got up and left the room, taking my now cold coffee with him.

I went back to reading the letter.

'It is fitting that I should be nine hours ahead of you. I remember, you would always tell me, "Sleep now, my love. I'll keep watch." I always found comfort in that phrase, found peace in it; contentment. I generally have an awful time sleeping without remembering that simple phrase. My mind comes up with a thousand things I should be doing, to ward off the nightmares. But, somehow, the sound of your voice silences that one and that phrase is the sweetest lullaby in the world.

Sometimes, I can feel you here; feel you watching me, studying me. I'm not sure if you are asleep or meditating. It's never more than a whisper in my ear or the pressure of your fingertips on my chin. It's like knowing, somehow, that you are close, but you aren't really here. Some days, when I feel like giving up, I can feel you. Feel your gentle hands and hear softly spoken words of comfort. I draw strength from those moments.'

People have said that I seem to zone out sometimes, with a far away look on my face. The guys have called them my "Queen moments". I can never predict when they are going to happen. Once it was in the middle of a meeting. I sat there, that look on my face, and I could vaguely hear Hyun in the background, "Don't worry about it. He's having a moment with his queen. He'll snap out of it soon." About that time, I did come out of it. I have been doing it, unconciously, since childhood.

My Queen, however, doesn't know that I take comfort in those times, too. The simple, "Easy, Killer" when I am mad or the "I'm here" during those bittersweet dreams. The way her spirit steps up behind me when I am working on something and getting frustrated; the way she holds me, with her hand over my heart, and her snout pressed into the back of my neck. My spirit can do no more than calm down. I don't think she realizes that she does the same for me. But that is the way we work, neither of us have to say much, we just do and it fits.

I go back to the letter again.

'Please, my love, wait to decide your next step until you have read all of the story. You and I both know how impulsive you are, and this will be tough going. There are clues scattered in the reading as to where I am. Hopefully, you are still as amazing at the art of reading between the lines as you used to be.

Heyhaka, I want you to hear this now. I will never interrupt your flight. EVER. Because I want you to fly, as far and as high as you possibly can. Because I want you to be happy. And I don’t mean, just a little happy; I mean inordinately, passionately, incandescently happy. That is the kind of happy that you deserve. So, if I don't hear from you, I understand. I can't say it won't hurt, but as long as you are happy, I'll be ok.

That said, I will end with this; I hope you remember the words we always said when parting, for any reason...

Where you go, my heart goes.

All my love, heart and soul.

Your Wolf Queen.'

I smiled softly as I refolded the letter and gently smoothed said missive. As I leaned forwards to the box on the coffee table, I heard a whistle from the easy chair across from me.

I look up to see HyunWoo handing back my closed laptop and the drive.

"I closed that so little brother didn't see. Didn't think you wanted him to see her. She's beautiful, by the way," he said as he handed over the drive. As he strode back to his chair, he stopped to pick up the ribbon that had been around the box. "Wonder why she picked black and red. 'S a little morbid."

I smiled, glad that I had been open with them about that part of me. Taking the ribbon from him, I said, "At one time, black was the color of life, as good, fertile dirt is black. Back then, red was for more than luck. It was fire that transforms, passion, rebirth, and drive; as well as a persons life-blood. But this way, with the black on either edge of the red, and the red very thin, it's a symbol of distress; akin to blood on a ravens wing. It would have been good to see the way she had originally tied it. The Elders taught us seven sacred knots. All of our tied messages held a certain meaning. Tied one way, with this ribbon means, 'Send Help. I'm stuck', and another way, it signifies an impending union. If the colors were flipped and it were tied a third way, this ribbon would signify a new birth."

HyunWoo nodded, taking it in. "Seems like you could carry on a whole conversation by the knots."

"You can. We had to communicate via birds during wars. Most had a special meaning. If it had come on a raven, it meant that the sender was a captive or had been enslaved. On a mourning dove, it means "I am stuck here missing you," Then, I softly smiled, "Thank you for this, by the way. She's more than beautiful, She's perfect."

He chuckled, "You sound like you are already starting to fall for her."

Gently touching the drive in my left hand, I laughed, "Starting? No. I have loved this woman since I was 15. Since I was old enough to remember what that feeling was."

"You are a very lucky man."

"I am extremely lucky," I said as I sat down the drive and ribbon, and again, reached for the box. Opening it, I found each chapter stapled together, but independent of each other. I sat the first one on top of the box; then tucked both the ribbon and drive in my pocket before stacking the box on my laptop, and stood to leave when I heard Changkyun behind me.

"What's in the box?"

HyunWoo answered before I could, "Leave it be. It's from his queen."

He smiled as he looked at me. "She finally found you?"

I nodded, clutching the box to my chest, eager to get to my room and start reading.

"Wow. I'm so happy for you," he smiled, but his smile held pain.

I set off into the kitchen to drop off the mug of now cold tea but before I got there, I heard someone ask

"What's for lunch?"

"Get it yourself. Your hands aren't broke," I replied as I set off down the hall, chuckling to myself that I had been channeling her for a moment.

I was almost to my door when a hand closed around my arm. I turned to see Honey, his eyes slightly puffy and red rimmed, obvious signs of tears.

"If you need to talk about all this," he said pointing at the box I had clasped to my chest, "I am willing to listen." Then, he headed in the direction I had just came from.

I made it to my bed and sat back. Next, I pulled the ribbon from my pocket and tied it to my left wrist in an elaborate knot that meant "On my way'. Then, I sighed to steady my heart, and started to read.

Chapter 1

2019--Chicago, Illinois; USA

Kihyun PoV

We were on the North American leg of our tour. Chicago is a beautiful city, but there was a strange, tug in my chest. Over our three days there, I got a little used to it. At first, though, the sharp yank hurt like hell. It made me feel like I was about to throw up that first time. My already vivid dreams of my Ghost somehow got sharper and the longest they had ever been.

Our last day, had been a very busy day, and I was asleep before my head hit the pillow. I am not generally that tired after a show, but between that and that weird pull, I must have been more exhausted than I thought. I know I slept deeply for a bit, because the next thing I remember was being in the woods.

The fog rolled in quickly and I heard a voice that I had only ever heard in dreams or if I were sick or scared. The fear in her voice nearly crushed me. Her fear sent me into panic mode.

"Haka! Heyhaka! Where are you?! I can't find you. Where are you," She yelled, her voice raising with her panic.

It was at that point that I set off at a run. I had to find her. I could nearly feel the leaves and muck under my bare feet. But, at that exact moment, the already dense fog became even thicker, if possible. As I ran, I heard the slight trickle of water over stones. Finding a wide creek, I decided to follow it.

Had she had these dreams as well? Had I forgotten to block her one night and she had seen it from my perspective?

"Wolf," I yelled into the mists.

"Haka! Over here," She returned.

"Keep yelling! I'll find you!"

She started screaming unintelligible things at that point.

Following her shrieks and cries, I finally found her, tied to a tree on a small island in the middle of the creek. She was bound by vines, from her hips down, so there would have been no way for her to escape. I saw her strong, gentle hands claw at the vines holding her.

Then she reached for me.

"Haka. Help me. I can't get out," Her voice mirroring my own panic.

The instant I picked up my foot to go to her, to leap across the creek to free her; a second set of vines sprung up around me. I could feel the darkness coming off of them. I grabbed hold of them and reached for her.

"Reach. Reach," I shrieked as I reached for her.

I could tell that we were both extended out as far as we could. Our fingertips were just touching, not enough to hold onto one another, not enough to find purchase; but just enough to brush upon each other. However, each time our fingertips brushed against each other, there were visions; memories, that spewed forth.

I admit, I got pretty angry by this point. "I will find you," I yelled as the vines dragged me back and the mists turned to darkness.

"I Will Find You," I yelled as everything faded back to black.

'Yes,' I thought, 'I will find you. I have not forgotten. Nor am I likely to.'

Then, I woke up enough to feel a hand on my shoulder, "KiKi. Wake up. It's just a dream."

I looked over my shoulder to see Lee Jooheon sitting at the edge of my bed, with his hand resting against my shoulder, his eyes filled with concern.

"Are you alright," he whispered, careful not to wake the others. I had somehow forgotten that everyone had crashed in my room. It is an open secret that I have some pretty nasty dreams.

I shook my head as I curled around my pillow. "Nightmare," I replied as I lost myself in the memory of the dream for a minute. I could still smell the forest, feel the mists on my skin, feel her fingertips scrambling for purchase with mine. Her voice and my promise were still ringing in my ears. It was mere seconds before the soul crushing despair at our situation set in and I did my best not to cry. Knowing she was trapped hurt more than anything.

The gentle tug on my sweatshirt drew my focus back to him. "Downstairs. We'll talk there," He whispered as he threw his feet into his sneakers and waited for me to do the same.

We quietly let ourselves out and went down to the all night café across the street.

Nothing was said as we got our coffees and slid into a small booth at the back of the room.

"Talk," He said, his voice heavy with concern.

I shook my head, "I can't put it into words."

He sat back, his eyes both wise and playful. Until they lost all the playfulness and took on a hard edge.

Honey PoV (A/N--Weirds me out.)

"Either talk or let me see."

That was something I never let on to be able to do. In truth, only he knows about it. See, sometimes, I can see things. If I hold someone's gaze too long, I can catch snips of thoughts, dreams, nightmares, and feelings. It is like picking up what has been left on the cutting room floor and using it to make a movie. I don't ever get the full picture but I see enough to get the idea. See, when I have been conned into doing aegyo, my eyes are a little crossed so I am not seeing things.

Kihyun sighed finally, "It's the same nightmare I have had since I was 14. It has never changed, but this time was more detailed, sharper. Only the woman in it and I have ever changed, we've aged. She used to be so pretty; thick chestnut waves that flowed down her back and hazel eyes with an inherent wildness in their depths." His eyes grew softer as he spoke of her.

"The nightmare," I asked again as I stared at him, tapping my fingertips on the table, hoping my gaze would push him to tell me. Seeing what others can isn't always pleasant, and sometimes, it's downright painful; but in this case, it's dead useful.

The more he tried not to talk, the more resolved I was to do this the hard way. Seizing an opening, I grabbed his head, placing my thumbs on his forehead, just above his brows. Then, I gently placed my forehead on his and said, "Look At Me," in the sternest tone I could muster.

His eyes opened and peered over the rim of his glasses. The image that came forward was of a woman, with blue green eyes and closely cropped chestnut hair containing more than a few strands of white. Her hands were fighting and clawing at the vines that held her slim hips firm in their grasp.

Her skin had a coppery hue to it, exactly like the milk caramel hard candies my mothers uncle insisted on sending us every year. This led me to, check her eyes, momentarily. Which only served to confirm my suspicions. She has indigenous blood in her, albeit watered down. However, one wouldn't see it if they didn't know what to look for; it's in the subtle almond shape to her eyes, her high cheekbones, and, the way her skin had taken on a soft, coppery glow in that single shaft of sunlight.

Her boyish figure was accented nicely in the diaphanous gown she wore. The way the gossamer fabric folded in about her tiny waist, only to expand and gently loop over broad, yet feminine shoulders. Those same structures led down into strong but gentle hands.

There, around her arm and peeking out from under her dress were lines and whirls of ink. On her left arm, she wore leaves of ranks. A Ghost? But they are rumored to have been killed off long ago. She must be the last. This is like finding a unicorn. There were also vines, small blossoms I did not recognize, and a tiny Leo symbol in the ranks on her arm. Around her right ankle, there was a thin, black band. Joy, so not only the last Ghost, but a Posted one as well.

Now, I had heard stories of the Ghosts, but at the time, I thought they were all just tall tales. But this one was nearly a four star general in her own right. It made no sense why she would be Posted and in Kihyun's dreams, unless...Unless, he was her Guard.

Taking a second to look at the surroundings, lead me to understand where she was. As the vision faded away, I heard her voice in his head,

"Haka. Come home."

The sorrow in her voice was almost too much. However, in the next breath, it was matched in his whisper.

"Soon, Mami. Soon."

"Mami," I asked as I sat back, a smile slowly spreading across my face. "You call her 'Mami'."

"Shut up," he growled.

"What? I happen to think it's cute. She call you 'Daddy'?"

"No," He chuckled. "Haka most generally. 'Papi', but only if I am calling her 'Mami'. The odd 'Hawkie', if she's playing. 'Heyhaka' if I am in trouble. 'Asshole' if I have been making promises I can't keep...again."

"We will revisit that last bit in a minute. Has her hair always been that short? With that much gray?"

Kihyun sighed and smiled gently, "No. It used to be long and thick with waves for days. But after the first few times, there were bruises, and then she shaved it all off. The gray is a recent development."

I sighed. "Abuse victim, if she cut it after a few bruises. Wow, must be super stressed for it to turn that quickly. Did you take in anything in the environment of where she was?"

He shook his head, "No. I was too focused on her."

I nodded. "I would be too. There was an old tree that looked like it was half dead, and some turtles around the shore."

"Hmm," he hummed as his brow furrowed. "Not sure what that could mean."

I sighed. "The indigenous peoples of the Americas called the continent 'Turtle Island'; and, judging by the shape of her eyes and the color of her skin, she has one of said nations blood in her veins. The half dead tree is symbolic of the current unrest here."

He seemed to deflate a little bit. "So she is an American mixed blood?"

I nodded. "Yeah. So, just how many promises have you made?"

"Mmm, ten, I think," He answered, his brow furrowed.

"Only ten?"

"No, I lost count around ten."

Shaking my head, I chuckled. "Oh boy. When was the last time you really promised her something? That you remember?"

He sat there thinking for a minute. "That time I had my appendix out. I was all of 17. I saw her and the fire and the moon and I followed the pull. I just stood there and swayed with her there. I know I woke up a few days later kinda sad."

"Oh, God," I growled as my head fell into my hands. "Do you remember what you said?"

"Not right off of the top of my head. Sorry," he replied.

"Hmm. You may need to let me see. If you did what I think you did, this dream is calling you home."

I leaned forward and placed my thumbs in the exact spots they had been earlier. He opened his mind to me and I saw...

"Even if I search for all of my days; it will only ever be you. I promise you, my queen, here and now, I will find you; even if I live a thousand years. No matter what happens, I will always find you. No matter the time or the distance, I will find you, my love. We've got this, Mami. I have not broken my oath yet, nor will I ever. "

Sitting back, I sighed, "Yep."

He looked at me with fear in his eyes, "What?"

"You tied yourself to her, or should I say re-tied. I'm not sure whether to smack you or congratulate you," I stated as I sat back in the booth and crossed my arms over my chest.

"What," He said again; a look of confusion clouding his features.

Shaking my head, I sighed. "I mean, Numb-Nuts, that you took an out of body, walk about and danced in the moonlight with your Ghost. I mean that you are married, KiKi. VERY Married."

"Hold up! I have NEVER met her in my life! How is this possible? It was just a dream...wasn't it," he exclaimed, his hands flying. The disbelief on his face was as plain as day.

I sat up, "Uh-Uh. You have met," I said as I held up a finger. "At least once, although probably not in this life. And as for the 'I never met her' thing, you didn't have to. You have each others names written on your souls. So, if you took a walk out your body during surgery, where would the Elders send you? I'll take 'Straight to her' for 1000, Alex."

"Whoa," he sighed as the realization hit him. He flopped back into the seat. After a few minutes, he said, his brow furrowed in thought, "That explains a lot, though."

"What does it explain?"

"About ten years ago now, she got married. She told me he was there and real; that she was tired of waiting. I told her that it would never work. That the piece of her I had, I would not give up."

"Urgh," I growled. "So she picked what was easy over what was right? And you are just asking for trouble. Angering a Ghost is never smart."

"But you just said she is real."

"She is. Did you not see her tats?"

Kihyun sat up and shook his head. "No."

I sighed and rolled my eyes. "From where her neck connects to her shoulder on the left to halfway down her forearm and wrapping over her ribs and legs, all the way to her toes. You could see them through her dress in places. The ones on her arm are ranks."

Suddenly, he got rather angry. I seized the chance and let my eyes un-focus a little. There they were. His own ranks began to unfurl over his skin and I could see he was a single rank below her, but also her Guard. Slamming his hands on the table, he jumped up and yelled, "You looked at my wife?!"

I groaned in frustration and pulled at my hair. "No, you moron, I did not look! You looked. I saw. Besides, you refused to claim her less than 5 minutes ago! Make up my fuckin' mind, will ya. Do ya want her or not!?"

"Yes," he shouted, but then deflated, sank back into the seat, and whispered, "What happens if I find her though? She is soo much older than I am. Don't get me wrong, I-I don't mind, but...," Kihyun trailed off.

"Hmm," I thought. "The way I see it, you two are stuck on either side of an ocean, but you are like magnets pulling at each other from across the distance," I said as I held up my fists and put them across from each other, inching them closer together. "The vines are trying to keep you both tied to where you are. They are physical manifestations of someone or something trying to keep you two apart," I said as I made my fists to look like they were being kept away from each other. "Now, If either one were to cross said ocean, without those bindings, you two would inevitably collide. And that colliding," I continued as I brought my knuckles together and made them look like an explosion, "would either completely destroy each other, or it would be the most beautiful, loving, passionate relationship known to man or beast. However, within that, you two will butt heads, because you are both so stubborn."

"How can you tell?"

"Two ways, You are both fixed signs, Scorsaggio and Leo," I stated as I held up one finger.

"How did you know that," He asked.

"Her tattoos. One is a Leo symbol. And two, because, neither one of you took that leap of faith when you first had the chance. Not that she had much of a chance to start with."

"What?"

"When those mists parted enough for you to see her, she was already bound. And from that thin black band around her ankle, she is tied to the Earth; well and truly a Posted Ghost.. Hobbled, more or less."

"So I would have to go to her either way. My leap of faith would have to be early. I'll test it next time," He nodded.

"As for the new details, it could be that she is close. Or, at least than closer than Seoul."

He nodded. "Which would explain why the first time I had the entire nightmare was while visiting my uncle in Texas. Also explains why it is so much sharper here, than there in Texas; so she is much closer to here. So where are you thinking of spending your break," he asked, deftly turning the conversation away from her.

"With my adopted sister. It will be a week, here in the States, with my big Sis and her family!"

"I didn't know you had older sister."

"Adopted. We adopted each other. We met in that lo-fi channel I listen to."

"Oh, yeah."

"Yeah. Bryn just turned 38, is married to the worlds biggest douche, and she's a mom. She wanted a little brother she didn't have to take care of and I agreed. I wanted an older sister who wasn't such a pain in my ass. That much older, and she is more like a cool auntie."

Kihyun PoV

Weeks went by, we were back in Seoul, and Honey's words were still stuck in the back of my head.

The next time I had that dream, I threw a rock into the water. It sounded much deeper than it looked. The first time I tried to cross it, I got swept away. The second time, I crossed it early and by some miracle made it to the island, only to be attacked by the turtles. For slow moving reptiles, those tiny box turtles hit hard. One shoved me off of the island and I got swept away again.

I will admit to meditating more than normal. But it had an added effect. I found I could reach out to her better than if I had been drinking or if I was exhausted. The connection is better, stronger, somehow. Drinking has never really been my thing. Mostly because when I drink, I start screaming at shadows and bawl my eyes out over her. Then, I work myself up to the point where I hurl...and then, I pass out. The guys have had to bring me back before, I either shadowbox at nothing or I turn into dead weight. Min says I usually do the former.

It must have worked, though, because as soon as I laid my head down, I dreamt of her again.

I feel her soft skin against mine, my name written on her chest, over her heart; in a language I could not read but somehow knew. I hear her say something about an upcoming battle, as she steps away, and I hear myself say to her, while staring deep into those gorgeous green blue eyes, "Wherever you are will always be home. I refuse to be parted from you, Ghost." I grab her arms and haul her to me, rather roughly, "I promise you, here and now, there will never be a lifetime that you are without me. I will find you; no matter the time or the distance. You are mine to protect; mine to defend. Mine." Somehow my hands are suddenly cupping her face, "My Queen." But then it changes and I am holding her, as her blood flows from a mortal wound. "I will find you, my love," I whisper as her breath on my cheek stops, "I will find you," I sob as I cradle her body close to me, rocking her through the screaming. Which, I suddenly realized, was me, keening out my own heartbreak.

This time it was HyunWoo who woke me up.

"Kihyun, are you alright?"

"Yeah," I answered gruffly. All I wanted was to be left alone or to shower; either way, I could bawl in peace.

"Really? Cause you were screaming."

"I was?"

"Yeah. Like somebody died."

Somehow, I fought back the tears long enough to choke out, "Go get Honey."

HyunWoo took off at a sprint and came back a few seconds later with Honey.

He no more than made it in the door and knew what had happened. He smiled softly and whispered, "You dreamed about her again didn't you?"

It was all I could do to nod. The lump in my throat and the tightness in my chest were growing by the minute, right along with the burning in my eyes. I wanted to scream. I wanted to rage, at myself for not keeping that promise; at him for not protecting her when I couldn't. And sadly, I was angry with her for taking a blow that had been meant for me; for sacrificing herself for me.

I wanted to shriek with a pain I could not name. It hurt like hell. And while my heart squeezed, my soul felt like it was tearing apart at the torture of having to relive it.

"Now, you know how she feels. If she is older, she has seen it many times more than you have."

That one thought alone nearly crushed me. No, I simply could not handle my queen feeling this way; it was absolutely unacceptable.

I sat back to breathe a minute and collect myself. Had she really seen that? Had she watched it differently? She was right, her own pain was unacceptable. It near killed me to know that she had seen her own death, and my reaction to it. I could only hope she did not see what I did in my grief. She would have been so disappointed.

Silently, I grabbed the next chapter out. Then, I carried the first to Honey.

"You and Min should read this," I said as I handed it to him. "It's as much to do with you as me. I had better get this back in exactly the same condition I am handing it over in...Or I tell HER, and let her take it out of your ass."

Both men paled slightly. Guess, after all this time, they are still a little afraid of her.

"We will be extra careful with it," Min said.

As I made my way back down the hall, I heard someone yell.

"What's for supper?"

"Order take out. Leave me alone," I answered as I shut the door.

In twenty minutes, Honey was at my door with supper.

"Went to Mickey's. I got you some nuggets with barbeque sauce and a sweet tea."

"Awesome," I grumbled as my stomach growled.

After a little over a minute, he asked, "Everything ok? Not like you to shut yourself away like this."

"After what I read today, I guess I am just a bit pissed off."

"At?"

"Myself," I sighed. "I said some pretty awful things to her in the past and I am not quite sure how to fix it."

He just laughed as he sat in the chair by my bed, "You just apologize and hope it's enough. Sissie is a whole lot stronger than you think," he said as he pulled out a double quarter with cheese and started to unwrap it.

"You jerk. You got a huge burger and stuck me with the nuggets."

Reaching in the bag, he pulled out another and tossed it towards me. So, I handed over five of my nuggets.

After he swallowed, he said, "Kinda like the old days, huh? Eating spartan, far from home, with your brother-in-law. All that is missing is a fire and a few horses," he laughed as he waved his hand in a circle out in front of us.

I chuckled but he could tell I wasn't laughing.

"C'mon. Talk."

"What if it doesn't work out?"

He snorted as he took a sip of his soda. "You don't know that sister like I do. That girl is the epitome of stubborn. She will move heaven and earth to make sure it works out."

I sighed and nodded.

"Besides," he continued, "If something happens, I drop a bug in Moose's ear and let him and the twins drag her back."

I looked at him over the rim of my glasses, "You wouldn't."

He just laughed, "Kicking and screaming, if need be. Course, if Elm gets to her first, he'll just blister her ass."

"He'd better not. My Queen arrives in less than her current condition and I won't be too happy," I replied. Just then, I took my first sip of tea. It was ok, but not like hers. Just made me miss her more.

"What's wrong? Old?"

"No. But my Queen makes better tea in her sleep."

He clapped his hand on my shoulder and chuckled, "That she does. That she does."

Supper was finished and cleaned up with little in the way of words spoken after that. The evening saw me curling up in my bed with a coffee and the second chapter.

A/N- "If there is a worse place than hell, I am in it." A. Lincoln.

Feels like that today.

[xx-thedarklord-xx]

I Can't Take It! (Part Two)

Part One I would also like to say thank you for all the people who read the first part and enjoyed it!

                       Harry had lost all concept of time as he became enchanted in his favorite novel. There was a warning in the back of his mind that was telling him Ron should be meeting him soon but his favorite part was coming up and that was just more important.

            -Lyra’s resolve crumbled as she watched the only person to ever matter die, right before her eyes. Every last positive thought left her as the world darkened drastically. How could Emily have left her? After everything they had been through, Lyra couldn’t bear the thought of living in a world without her sunshine. The ray of light that made her previous dark and desolate world full of bright colors. How was she to go on? How could she possibly recover from the sheer—’

            Ron cleared his throat loudly as he sat down at their usual table inside the Three Broomsticks. He snorted at the way Harry startled violently, dropping the book on the table. He didn’t even have to look at the book to know it would be one of Malfoy’s shite novels.

            “Ron!” Harry scolded as he quickly picked up the book and flipped through the pages, trying to find where he had left off. “I’m almost done.”

            Ron rolled his eyes. “You’ve already read that book at least twenty times, possibly more. There can’t possibly be anything else left to gleam from it.”

            “Just because the book comes to a close doesn’t mean that the story can’t continue on in my mind.”

            That had Ron throwing his hands into the air. “You are obsessed. His novels aren’t even that good.”

            Harry lowered his book enough to glare at his best friend. “I beg to differ.” He moved the book in his hands rapidly, using it as an example. “This one is his best one to date.”

            The enthusiasm in Harry’s voice was the only thing that kept Ron from sighing heavily.

            “I know that most people don’t like it because Emily dies but it is just so wholesome and heartbreakingly wonderful. Lyra comes to the realization that she has to live not only because Emily would have wanted her to but also for herself. She becomes less guarded, moody and cynical. Despite the sad ending and the grief of never finding love after Emily, Lyra found herself. She found who she is and a reason to live.” Harry sighed sadly as he placed a hand over his chest.  

            “It just hits you right in the heart, you know what I mean?” He asked as he looked back to the book, fighting the urge to get teary eyed as Lyra sobbed over the discovery of Emily’s body.

            “No.” Ron honestly argued, grinning at the glare he received. He did not want to hear another lecture on the importance of the stupid books, so he cleared his throat.

            “Speaking of Malfoy.” He had to hold in a snort at the way Harry’s head snapped up rapidly, eyes lit in interest.

            “I heard he has a new novel about to come out.”

            “What?” Harry asked, setting aside his novel and giving Ron his full attention. “Where did you hear that? Because I have an owl subscription with the publishing company. They send out newsletters updating fans on any new information. So far, I have received nothing.”

            Ron scrunched up his nose in distaste. “Merlin, you really are obsessed. Since when do you have an owl subscription over his books?”

            “Don’t look at me like that.” Harry ducked his head as he felt his cheeks heat up. “Hermione has a subscription too!”

            It was clear that Ron was going to have to have a talk with the both of them about keeping things from him but now was not the time.

            “I have it on good authority that the book is to hit the shelves within the next month.”

            Harry narrowed his eyes suspiciously. Ron wasn’t usually so tight lipped about things. What was going on here?

            “Has anything been released? Do you know what it’s about?”

            Ron rolled his eyes. “I’ve only heard a little bit but it seems it is about two boys who grow up disliking each other until they realize that they only have each other to count on.”

            “I love it already.”

            That had Ron laughing loudly. “You haven’t even read any of it! For all you know, it could be pure shite. Just like the rest of the books.” The last bit was mumbled but by the kick to his shin, he knew that Harry had heard him.

            “Does Hermione know?” Harry wondered as he felt excitement stir inside him. It had been months since the last book was released and he was honestly looking forward to anything Malfoy releases. The man sure knew how to captivate an audience.

            “No, but that’s because I just found out.” Ron lied smoothly. He had been spending weeks with the stupid blonde git, trying to work out the best plan of action. They had both agreed that since Harry loves his books, that the best plan would be to use the next novel to broadcast just what Malfoy was trying to tell Harry. The whole bloody book would be littered with obvious clues. So obvious that no one would be able to read it and not think it was about Harry.

            “Have… you talked to him recently?” Ron asked, knowing that Harry sometimes came in contact with the idiot from time to time.

            Harry gripped the table tightly as he nodded. “I was at the apothecary in Diagon Alley last week and we… talked for a few minutes.” Talk was a stretch. He had made a complete fool of himself. Ended up babbling the whole time due to nerves and the blonde only had a chance to say a few words. It was mortifying. “I don’t think it was anything noteworthy though.”

            Ron rolled his eyes. Oh, it had been noteworthy alright. Every fucking time he spoke to Malfoy since then, all the blonde wanted to talk about was that instance. Sure, it was less subtle than Harry’s gushing but it was there nonetheless. He just wanted to shove them both into a room and be done with it. Why was he the only one who seemed to be aware of their mutual pining?

            Harry cleared his throat. “Enough about this. Tell me about you. What have you been up to since I saw you last week?”

            The rest of the night was spent talking, reminiscing and enjoying each other’s company. Despite Harry’s wide grins and happy attitude, Ron knew that Harry was lonely. The brunette had never been one to complain but Ron knew. He could tell. He just hoped that this plan would work. Harry deserved to be happy.

            …. Even if that meant putting up with a snarky, sneering prick who wrote horrible books.

Part three will come in the next few days. If anyone is interested in my Ao3 page that is here. Thank you for following this little story along!

[poppyssupergirl]

Pants-L-ess

This is all @foleypdx 's fault. I was studying without pants, sent her a pic of my textbook on my legs, and she replied with 'nice science. nice gam'. I can only assume that her later thought process was this: lol, Alexis is a science, she's pantsless, Lena's a science, she's probs also pantsless. She then sent me: 'imagine Lena pantsless in her office' To which I screamed about and then wrote this.

Also, the idea that Lena doesn’t like caramel is from wtfoctagon whom I cannot seem to tag? but here’s a Link to their blog, but their fic: Sunlit Honey and Lavender Sunsets which is literally the best representation of Jess that I have ever seen with mine own two eyes and I fucking love this fic, I can’t even describe how much I adore it.

This is also on AO3 :

Jess was tired and now Ms. Danvers was here and Ms. Danvers was nice but honestly she was loud and rambunctious and a little over the top with everything in life and Jess was just tired. So, yes, she waved Ms. Danvers toward Ms. Luthor’s door without buzzing Ms. Luthor and THEN the phone rang and well? Ms. Luthor always liked seeing Ms. Danvers so it just wasn’t going to be a problem.

Kara opened the door; Lena’s office was dark except for one lamp beside her couch. Kara really needed to talk to Lena about staying so late. Really, if the light bothered her enough that she had to sit in near dark-

“Jess, would you bring me my water from my desk, please? I left it there and I’d rather eat caramel than get up right now.” Lena’s voice came from the other side of the couch. A hand stuck up above the couch and made a grabby motion.

At any other time, Kara probably would have laughed at that, but the hand brought Kara’s attention to the rest of the couch.

An actual cascade of sheer black hair spilled over the arm furthest from Lena’s desk. However, that wasn’t what really caught Kara’s attention. It was the leg, completely bare, thrown over the back of the couch, Lena’s foot twitching to an imaginary beat, that really caught Kara’s eye.

She didn’t say anything, Lena was still making the grabby motion with her hand and Kara heard a sheet of paper rustle. For some reason, the word ‘gam’ kept flashing through her mind and focusing on anything else seemed kind of… irrelevant?

But Kara did get her feet moving and she dropped by the desk before walking behind the couch to finally place Lena’s bottle of water in her waiting hand. Lena didn’t even look up, just took the bottle and popped the top with her teeth before drinking. Kara opened her mouth and then her eyes traveled down Lena’s body.

She wasn’t wearing any pants.

Lena Luthor lay with her hair flowing over the arm of her couch, her head resting on no less than three pillows, in her form fitting black shirt. The same black shirt that Kara’d seen earlier at the press meeting, bunched slightly at her abdomen, with a document in one hand, her bottle in the other.

And, betrayers as her eyes were, Kara couldn’t help but notice the black colored cotton panties sitting low on Lena’s hips. The leg still strewn over the back of the couch made everything very visible.

Kara was sure she looked like a tomato by this point. But honestly, what legs . Gam, indeed.

Lena’s voice drew Kara’s gaze back up her body to her now moistened lips. “Thank you, Jess. I apologize for keeping you here so late,” Lena rolled slightly to place her bottle on the coffee table in front of the couch. The movement did nothing but accentuate every ounce of skin visible. “Really, though, you should go home now I can just fini-” Lena’s eyes popped wide when she finally rolled back over to look up.

Maybe it was shock or just that good old Luthor-built composure that kept Lena from screaming, but either way Kara watched as Lena went through the five stages of grief faster than anyone she’d ever seen before. It was a bit like watching a nice summer day turn into a hurricane and then go back to summer all in the span of six seconds.

“Kara.” And Lena’s voice didn’t stutter or break or any of the other wildly embarrassing things that Kara’s voice would have done. Kara would’ve been jealous if she could have thought coherently enough for that. “What a surprise.”

“I-uh.” Kara coughed into her hand to clear her throat. She didn’t know if she was supposed to look away or just ignore it or? There wasn’t really any precedence for this in her life. “I thought Jess had buzzed you about me being here.” Now Kara did look away, toward the ceiling of all places though, “I-I can, can go if you’d like.”

Kara heard much more than saw Lena shuffle and then Kara couldn’t stop from hearing. Hearing how Lena’s heart beat faster than most sprinters, how her bare legs sounded like silk rubbing together, how her hair reminded Kara of a stream she’d heard years ago as it slid along the plush arm of the couch. She reached up to adjust her glasses and very nearly broke them in her fumbling fingers.

“No, no, it’s alright, really.” Heard Lena’s bare feet padding across the tile … “I just like to be comfortable later at night is all, let me just find those pants…” Heard Lena bending and rummaging around her desk.  

She didn’t mean to look, but Lena was cursing under her breath and she just felt the overwhelming urge to help Lena. But Lena was bent over and that was a lot of … everything. So Kara dropped her gaze and there were the deep burgundy slacks Lena’d had on earlier, right there on the floor.

“Uh, Lena?” Kara picked up the garment and did her best not to bite through her lip. She wasn’t looking at Lena, but she heard Lena stop rummaging and start to pad over to her.

“Thank you.” Kara didn’t know if Lena meant to or not, but their hands brushed as Lena slipped the pants from Kara’s grip and this time Kara was reminded of Livewire. But instead of pain, there were butterflies in her very veins.

Lena turned to shuffle into the pants and then Kara caught up on the fact that she was the one intruding and really, Lena didn’t have to get less comfortable just because she was here and- “Lena you don’t have to put on pants.”

Lena looked up as Kara turned with her hands out, she only had one leg situated in her pants and she was still balancing on one foot. “Did you have something in mind that would require me taking them off again?”

Kara blinked. Then she smashed her hands over her mouth at the implication of her sentence. “NO! No! No, that’s not! Lena! That’s not what I meant! I just didn’t want you to feel like you had to make yourself less comfortable, I mean this is your office, you can do whatever you want here. Wear whatever you want here. I wasn’t going to just leave if you didn’t put … those back on! I just thought you’d be more comfortable with them on rather than off, but if not, then don’t feel pressured by me being here to put them back on! Really, I’m just visiting as a friend, not for the job, and also, as your friend, you should have gone home hours ago! It’s way past eleven and if you have to lay on the couch without the lights on to keep from getting a headache then you should have already gone home! And also!” Kara paused to take a breath and realized Lena was shaking.

Rao, she’d made Lena angry.

Then Lena snorted. Honest to goodness snorted in laughter.

“Lena!” Kara gasped, all the heat that had finally dissipated from her cheeks came raging back. “You’re laughing at me!”

Another snort and then Lena couldn’t hold back her giggles, but she did wave a hand to try to placate Kara. She couldn’t do anything but shake her head and cover her mouth with the hand that wasn’t still holding up her pants.

“At least I’m not the one posing for a Vogue display in my office!” Kara came around the couch and crossed her arms over her chest. But she couldn’t keep the smile from her lips as Lena continued to struggle through her laughter.

“I’m sorry!” Lena sucked in hair and chuckled again. “I’m sorry, I just-” She waved her hand again before shifting. Her eyes went wide as the leg of her pants held fast under her foot and she began to topple over.

Kara stepped forward just in time to catch Lena’s ribcage in her hands, supporting her while she found her footing. Kara bit her lip to keep herself from laughing as Lena brought her hand up to brace against Kara’s shoulder.

Lena looked down to try and wrestle her pants from under her feet. Her hair shifted and Kara breathed in a lungfull of lavender and something fruity that nearly made her dizzy. “May-maybe you should sit down to do this?”

Pomegranates? Kara wondered as Lena’s head whipped back up, “Oh, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have-”

“For safety! Lena, for safety, you should sit down. I don’t mind holding you up!” Kara blinked again and the blush roared to life again across her cheeks. Lena only smiled up at her with that little upturn of her lips.

“You’re much too sweet to me, you know that right?” Lena stood up, one hand still on her pants, the other on Kara’s shoulder, and let out a tiny sigh. “Sweet enough it gives a girl ideas you know.”

Kara watched as her smile slipped, the meaning of her words only sinking in as Lena drew her bottom lip between her teeth in worry. “Oh.”

Lena glanced down to the floor and shrugged before withdrawing her hand from Kara’s shoulder. She pulled back but Kara didn’t let go. Lena frowned and looked up, “Kara? I didn’t mean anythi-”

The words petered off as Kara stared at Lena. She didn’t really notice when the words stopped because Lena’s heartbeat was pressing into her fingers. Or maybe it was the green eyes resting on her own, filled to the brim with an uncertainty Kara’d never seen before.

An uncertainty she never wanted Lena to feel again. Perhaps it all started with the flowers in her office, or perhaps it was the quiet thanks for heroism on the very couch they stood next to, but either way, Kara really liked it when Lena smiled all the way up to her eyes.

“Can I kiss you?”

For half a heartbeat Kara thought she’d spoken too softly, but then Lena blinked and swallowed before nodding. They both leaned in, Lena finally dropped her much-too-troublesome pants to rest both of her hands on Kara’s shoulders, and Kara flexed her fingers around Lena before their lips met.

It wasn’t very forceful, just a touch before the two each took a step forward to press closer together. Lena’s lips parted first, sucking gently on Kara’s lower lip. Kara groaned and slid her hands around to Lena’s back. Lena nipped ever so gently on Kara’s lip and slipped her fingers up into Kara’s hair.

“Ms. LuthoOH” The door slammed shut and Kara pulled back with a jerk. Lena’s lipstick was smudged and Kara should really look at the door, but also why?

Lena looked radiant. A smile spilled over her lips and her fingers were scraping gently against Kara’s scalp and Kara really couldn’t be bothered to do anything but smile back.

“Well, Ms. Danvers, you’ve really caught me with my pants down this time. What do you plan on doing with me?” The sultry purr of Lena’s voice sent a shiver down Kara’s spine. But Lena was smiling too, so warmly that Kara wondered if she’d ever need the sun again.

“Dinner?” Kara laughed.

“You’re going to have me for dinner?” Lena’s brows popped up in mock surprise and she pulled a hand from Kara’s hair to lay over her chest. “My goodness, Kara, I never would have guessed you as the forward typ-”

Kara pulled Lena in for another kiss. Laughing against her lips and rocking forward. “We should probably go make sure Jess isn’t traumatized.”

Lena hummed and pressed a kiss to Kara’s cheek, “She’s my assistant. She’s seen bombings, alien attacks, Cadmus… I don’t think this is what will traumatize her.” She slid her hand over Kara’s cheek and swiped her thumb along Kara’s cheekbone. “I’ve wanted to kiss you for a while now.”

Kara breathed in and her lips parted in surprise. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Kara,” Lena grinned and bit her lip. “I filled your entire office with flowers.” Lena tilted her head, “Although that really was to thank you for everything you’d done for me. Really, Kara, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to thank you enough.”

“You could kiss me again.”

Lena stopped her thumb and her face fell ever so slightly. Kara frowned and opened her mouth only for Lena to lean in and press a firm kiss to her lips, “I don’t know how I got so lucky as to meet you, Kara Danvers, but I meant it when I said that you are my hero.”

She felt the sting of tears in her eyes, but that was okay. She just leaned into Lena again and held her a little closer.

“You should probably put your pants back on though. That’s what I was referencing would traumatize Jess, by the way.”

“Oh god, I’d forgotten about that. Not that she hasn't seen me without pants before, just not wrapped in someone else's arms. ”

“Oh, well, uh, would you like to sit down this time?”

“I don’t see why I should, I’m sure there’s an extra pair of hands that would love to help slide clothing over my skin.”

“Lena, I probably shouldn’t help you put your pants back on.”

“What? You wanted to help me take my shirt off instead?”

“No, gam.”

“What?”

“Gam.”

“Kara, I don’t know what that means. Kara?”

[confoundingconfessions]

Spring Hill Cemetery CHS

One of my absolute favorite places to investigate is the infamous Spring Hill Cemetery In Charleston, WV. Established in 1869 This sprawling burial ground covers more than 172 acres and is the largest cemetery complex in the state of West Virginia. The grounds feature the resting places of several prominent figures in state history such as West Virginia Governors William McCorkle and George Atkinson. The grounds feature grand and elaborate gravestones in the section known as "The Old Circle" as well as a main Mausoleum at the main entrance that was built in 1910. There are also several smaller cemetery groupings within the complex. The B'nai Israel Cemetery, Lowenstein Cemetery, Mount Olivet just to name a few. It even contains the graves of fallen soldiers and a paupers cemetery. Spring Hill was added to the National Register of Historic Places on October 18th 1985 and remains a must see for any traveler to the area. In this case the haunted history is just as is just as rich and vibrant with multiple reports of Paranormal Activity coming from visitors and investigators alike. My team and I have visited this location several times over the years and spent many long nights wandering the grounds and crypts in search of the mysterious. I can honestly say that there has never been a night spent there that has been a disappointment. Reports run the gauntlet from lights and disembodied voices to shadow figures and full bodied apparitions. I have personally encountered many of these haunting phenomena so lets break things down and go over some reports ive collected over the years. 

The Crying Woman Spring Hill's most famous and active ghost is that of a mysterious woman seen on the high edge of the Old Circle overlooking the entrance drive. She is often glimpsed as a white or gray figure in a long dress slowly pacing the grounds making her way through the rows of stone. Female voices and the sound of a woman crying have also been reported in the area in connection with her and it is said she is mourning the loss of at least one child at the hands of an unknown illness. This is quite significant because the grounds upon which she is seen once held a Contagious Hospital and it is believed that the majority of the phenomena encountered in this section stems from the former Hospital and its deaths and happenings. Perhaps she is a living memory of grief and pain, a psychic scar on the land with no signs of healing. Whatever the case may be, I have documented evidence of her presence and all of my team members have felt and experienced her as well.

Shadow Man Mausoleum Out of the many mausoleums that dot the property none is more strange and ominous than that of Shadow Man Mausoleum. The history behind the activity reported there is completely unknown but reports pile in of visitors seeing shifting shadow masses and figures moving in and around the stone crypt. In fact, this is the most commonly reported phenomenon to date. I believe the location to be a hotspot due to a few possibilities. The first being the composition on the stone of which it was built. It is a well known face that certain materials can absorb and hold resident Psychic/Spiritual Energy and Turbulence and perhaps it is an outworking and releasing of this Residual Energy. Another explanation comes in the form of Ritualistic Abuse and Occult Activity. I know for a fact that one group of amatur investigators crossed the line of science and documentation and fell into the depths of the occult on one or more of their nights spent on site. They used candles, rituals of conjure and occult devices such as the ouiji board in an attempt to not only make contact with the spirits of place but much darker beings as well. Ritualistic Abuse has led to some of the most horrifying and violent hauntings in history so it would make sense that these shadow beings would be present after such things. Perhaps it could even be a combination of factors that gives speed to these beings. No one can say for sure. If you ever find your way to Spring Hill I suggest you make this location one of the highlights of your time there.

Men In Uniform Another commonly reported phenomenon is the apparitions of soldiers seen roaming the grounds. These apparitions have no sense of confined space as they seem to haunt freely and are seen in almost every corner of the property. People describe men with rifles in hand standing watch as if protecting the grounds from those with ill intent. There are many soldiers buried on site and who knows what sort of unknown deaths due to battle or disease may have occurred now outside of all memory. I can't say that I have ever personally spotted one of the soldiers but when you arrive on site the feeling of being watched and a sense of unease can most certainly be perceived. Perhaps this attributed to their watchful guard.

The Creature Probably the most unsettling beings encountered at Spring Hill is that of a mysterious, monstrous creature seen in the far grounds opposite the Old Circle. People reports a distorted and mangled beast with piercing eyes that moves quick as a shadow and reeks of a foul, sulfuric smell. This creature is thought by many to be a Demonic Entity drawn to all the negative emotions released on site due to grief and emotional turmoil. Or maybe its origins lie in another tragic example of Ritualistic Abuse. Or, a most diabolical explanation could be that this being is the true source of all the hauntings on the grounds and is simply putting up a facade and presenting itself differently to different people in an attempt to gain trust and attention without revealing its true nature. Whatever the case may be, thankfully, sightings have been few and far between with no reports of attack or harm. Be on your guard. True evil exists in both life and death and the beings that lurk in the shadows can be far worse than any ghost. I would suggest great caution.

I could literally go on for days recounting various tales and experiences people have  recounted to me over my years in the field as well as so many of my own. The whole Cemetery seems to be a melting pot of activity with many sources that just so happen to culminate on this one beautiful hill atop Charleston. For me this place is a training ground, a place of reflection and study and I look forward to many more nights spent here in my ever persisting quest for the unknown.

Helpful Tips 1. The majority of EVP and Audio Anomalies have been captured on the high end of The Old Circle where the Crying Woman is seen. Every piece of audio ive collected here has been female in nature. 2. Set up motion sensors and laser grids around The Shadow Man Mausoleum in an effort to document energy fluctuations, movement and any potential communication attempts by the entities. 3. Protect Yourself. Use various means of Spiritual Protection. Pray and ask for safe divine protection. The danger out there is real and you can never get enough prayer. 4. The area of most intense activity is within the Old Circle. Make this the focal point of your investigation as it is a time saver in light of the sheer size of Spring Hill. 5. Sit still and be present. Get yourself in a clear viewing position and just be watchful. On several nights I have witnessed darting shadows and apparitions doing this very thing. 6. Bring a notebook and pen to document your encounters. I know most teams have their own ways of doing this to the extent of formal case load paperwork but for the average visitor you will need this due to the amount of unexplained happenings occurring throughout the night 7. Never visit the grounds alone, especially at night. The Cemetery sits right above Charleston and like any other place it has the potential for crime especially at night and in a dark, out of the way place like a cemetery. Be smart, be alert but have fun. 8. Lastly, I ask be in remembrance of those buried on the property. Be respectful and honor the memory of those who have come and gone. Say a prayer for the pease and continued rest of any spiritual energies that may be in residence and let them know they are never forgotten.

[irisa-doodles]

The Darkest Minds Never Fade In The Afterlight

(we interrupt your regular programming of sketches and creative resources with this book review, because I literally had to stop reading these multiple times just to catch my breath and gather myself before I was able to continue, because many times I just felt like I’d burst into tears at the sheer intensity of how strongly I felt while reading them. They were that good.)

There's two kinds of books, for me. The kind that make me laugh out loud at the cleverness in every line, at how a story weaves together into a clean, closed pattern; where everything has a predestined path and everything connects back together again. And then there's the kind that makes me gasp and cry and take moments away to collect myself before I can continue, because I can't see where these characters are taking me, but I so desperately want to follow them, pushed and pulled around by their struggles. These books were the latter kind.

I nearly didn't read them. I might not have ever even heard of them, if it wasn't for the movie that was in cinemas, based on the first book. I saw the trailer on a screen at a mall, and it seemed confusing and underwhelming, but luckily my sister had free tickets, which she used for some sisterly dystopian-YA-bonding, and I saw the movie, and I fell in love with it, and cried out in frustration when I heard it probably wouldn't be getting sequels. "I'd watch four more of these. I'd forgive them if they made the ending a two-parter," I said, before I'd even gotten out of the theatre. Naturally, as soon as I was able, I hunted down the entire series and put my hungry brainfingers all over it. ;)

It's hard to review all three books separately, since I read them all in a row like one cohesive story. All I remember is this one long story, a journey. Wait, that's actually a really good way of putting it... it's a journey, one that felt very human, one that I could see myself or any real person going through. When you drive without a map, you end up in a lot of places where you have to rethink and backtrack, or adapt to unforeseen circumstances. There's always multiple choices for all of the characters involved, and multiple outside variables getting involved, and I'm never quite sure which one they'll take, and even less where it'll lead them. Running in the blind. I've seen people call this confusing and weak, but I think it's the opposite. It's immersive. The characters don't know where they're going. I don't know where they're going. It wasn't confusing, it was intruiging. While reading this book, I found myself in the characters' shoes more than I usually do as a reader. I felt more like a passenger than an observer. There with them, feeling with them, crying with them, struggling with them.

To me, (because all art is up for interpretation), this story is about humans, about fear, about lost things and lost people, about making choices and learning from them; it's about fighting for your future, despite everything pushing you down, despite every path being laid with grief, with hope so stubborn it refuses to die even in the most cynical members of Team Reality. The books remind me throughout that there is goodness even among perceived enemies, and the reminders pay off in the end, as the inherent love and kindness among humans is ultimately what gives us the much-owed happy ending.

Speaking of humans... The cast is so diverse, and yet each of them feels real, even if you aren't privy to every one of their thoughts the way you are with Ruby, the main character. She grows so much throughout the books. The trauma she went through, the one she spends 3 books trying to cope with despite the most stressful conditions possible, is such an important part of her character and why she thinks the way she does and does the things she does and I felt so strongly for her whenever another path turned out to be a dead-end. And yet she kept pushing. She's inspiring, and refreshing, in a world of dystopian heroines who spend most of their series rejecting their horrible reality and doing their best to remain in blissful denial. Ruby is such a goddamn breath of fresh air with her mantra of "Accept. Adapt. Act." She's a hero after my own heart. I loved how the Stewart brothers spoke to opposing sides of her, Liam bringing out the sun and Cole embracing the storm - and yet there was never a question over which one of them she loved most, no confusion about which one ultimately helped her heal. She and Cole bonded over suffering and love for Liam, and the coldness that had overtaken them both as a result of their trauma, and in the end it was Liam who saved them both, emotionally, although the time he had to do so was cut short in Cole's case.

Speaking of characters I'll never stop being sad about: to me, Jude was the real star of book 2. I get choked up just thinking about him. The first and third books have general Psi symbols on them - the Psi mark and the crescent moon for the safe space. It feels right that Jude's personal symbol would be on the cover of book 2, not just because it's obviously his compass, but because that was the book in which everyone was a little bit lost except for Jude, who was in many ways Ruby's (and Vida's) own compass for the duration of the book, the one who very clearly knew what was right and gave his all to achieving it, inspiring Ruby and Vida to do the same. I'll never not feel loss at the thought that his kindness and insightfulness was never integrated into the main team the way Vida's powerful personality was. In that perfect alternate reality in which Liam and Ruby meet on a beach, Vida and Jude will surely join up with them soon. Meanwhile, despite being an Original Flavour main character, Chubs kept surprising me with how much he valued the friendship they'd formed, never EVER giving up on it, even when everyone else was scared it'd break. Zu remained a wonderful character, but also surprised me with how strongly she bonded with Vida, although it definitely makes sense when you remember that they're the most emotionally secure people in the group. Clancy was especially interesting. I'd consider him an anti-villain - someone who is, by all means, an obstacle and an enemy, but you can sorta see how he got there. He's a horrible asshole with an unfixable wound. I think he got what was coming for him, and still I'm glad that Ruby took mercy on him. Despite all the horrible things that were done to him, he really was living out his worst nightmare at the end there, and I wouldn't wish that on any kid as damaged as him. I hope he's happier and I hope he's much kinder in the peaceful world in which they weren't born with powers. I don't have much to say on the adult characters, since the focus was largely on the kids, but despite the lack of emotional relevancy, I never had trouble comprehending or imagining them. They felt as real as the kids, even if I never got as attached to them.

I have no complaints when it comes to the plot, either. The explanations honestly weren’t so far-fetched that I wouldn’t be able to immerse in the setting. They were sort of what I expected, but also sort of not. (I figured it might be the government’s fault, but I didn’t know why or how they’d done it.

In conclusion, these books were amazing. Quite frankly, they changed how I think about books, they changed how I think when I read books, and they'll probably change how I write books. My standards for YA dystopia just got very very high. It's going to be hard to top The Darkest Minds (Never Fade In The Afterlight), but I hope I'll at least find books as good as these. In the meanwhile, I still haven't read any of the spin-offs, or the sequel starring future-Zu, yet, so I at least have that to look forward to.

@alexandrabracken​, I want you to know, you're my hero. This series is now my favourite, Ruby is now my favourite, and I just want you to know how much it touched me and how much I loved the experience.

P.S. I was literally looping just one song (5 Fine Frøkner by Gabrielle) during my bingeread of all three books. The lyrics generally aren’t relevant, but I recalled the translations of some of the lines (We don't need the world, because me and you are the world / The sound of something that lets us go / We don't have money, but we own everything) multiple times while reading, they gave me a strong Psi-kid-on-the-run vibe. It’s a good song, got me to a dramatic place in my mind really well.

P.P.S. The thing you said in your FAQ, “Yes. Except Chubs”, I read that before I read the books and thought it meant everyone except Chubs would die, so might I just say, I was extremely on-edge for all three books out of fear that that might be just what happens. Or that the opposite is true. Chubs’ death would’ve really killed me. On the bright side, it kept the strong cluthes of emotional investment on me throughout the first book, despite the fact that I’d seen the movie just a few days earlier.

[littlemisssquiggles]

RWBY Musings #14: In rewatching Chapter 5 of Volume 5, did anyone else come to the same realization that Oscar’s whole outburst at Ruby was intentional?

There is something that I’ve noticed about the notorious dojo scene with Ruby and Oscar from Chapter 5 of RWBY Volume 5.

As I’ve remarked time and time again in past musings, Chapter 5 is and still continues to reign as my top favourite episode of this current season to date. Shameless to say, I’ve downloaded the episode and have been revisiting it continuously, purely for the conversation between our two young heroes.

However in doing so, there has always been something about that particular scene that’s boggled me or rather someone. It’s Oscar. Specifically the face he makes after he calms down from just shouting at Ruby.  

At first I figured, okay, the kid’s scared and probably more than a little frustrated so it’s natural that he would chastise Ruby the way he did. However then there’s the next shot where Oscar is looking at Ruby after regaining his composure and he makes this face.

Carefully observe Oscar’s facial expression.

Somehow that face has always bugged me about that shot. I found it a rather odd one for Oscar to make, given the scenario. Why, you might ask?

Because this is a kid who immediately looked remorseful after accidentally punching Ruby in the face during a sparring match and apologized one time on the spot after freaking out over the thought of possibly hurting her.

 Yet here, he just finished screaming at her in sheer frustration and he doesn’t look the least bit apologetic about it.  

On the contrary, he looked almost patient. As if he was waiting to see Ruby’s reaction to what he just said. 

It is here when I realized from the beginning, every action that was made, every word that was said out of Oscar’s mouth from that moment on was deliberate. Oscar wasn’t lashing out at Ruby out of fear. He did it in order to jolt the truth out of her. To get her to admit all the pain she’d been suppressing.

He didn’t have the right words of encouragement to cheer her up, so he did the only thing he could do in the moment. He asked her about how she had managed to keep moving forward and keep such a positive sense of resolve despite all the horrible things she has bared witness to and been through in the past; which was the right question to ask and a very important one to boot cause I don’t think we’ve had anyone truly ask Ruby how she’s been since the Fall of Beacon. Not really.

So having Oscar, essentially still a person who wants to know or understand Ruby more ask her this very significant question is quite excellent.

Oscar acknowledged Ruby’s grief over the loss of her friends that she’s been bottling for so long and rather than give her the sugar, spice and everything is nice schlock of telling her not to worry and whatnot, instead he attempts to comfort her by getting her to finally open up about how she’s been truly feeling.

At first, I guess he figured that admitting how scared he was would encourage Ruby to consequently admit how afraid she was. Giving her a bit of the ole you-show-me-yours-if-I-show-you-mine- kind of psychology there.   However Ruby doesn’t snag the first bait and Oscar’s first efforts fail. When Ruby still continued to hold onto her brave facade, that’s when Oscar decided to change tactics. 

Yes he yelled at her but what I found interesting is what he yelled at her.

Notice how he didn’t yell accusations. He didn’t berate Ruby for being naive about everything and glossing over his fear with her own indifference to the sheer severity of what is to come. Instead, he yelled questions and facts. Important questions and facts.

Instead of Oscar going: ‘How can you be so stupid and naive for thinking you could ever be strong enough to stop Salem!’ He says this:

‘How can you be so confident? People have tried to kill you, the world is about to go to war all over again, how are you OK with any of this?!’

This is why I love Oscar as a character and desperately need to see more of him in the series. This scene made me understand fully why Ozpin chose him as his successor and what he meant by being reincarnated in the body of a ‘like-minded soul’

Oscar helping Ruby the way he did in this scene is the most Ozpin-like thing he’s done so far while not channelling Ozpin. Rather than coddle her, Oscar gets Ruby to admit her true feelings about everything at long last so that in doing so, not only does she gain comfort but also reaffirmation in her own resolution to stop Salem and her forces. Forget drinking cocoa or fighting with a cane, this is the side of Oscar that’s most akin to Ozpin that I’ve seen so far in RWBY.

I don’t want it to be a thing where just because Ozpin is in his head, that means that Ozpin probably put Oscar up to comforting Ruby. I don’t think that’s the case at all. I think Oscar wanted to help Ruby of his own accord. You can tell that by the way he tried to say something earlier on in the scene but couldn’t cause he didn’t know how or didn’t know what was the best thing to say to make her feel better.

Oscar’s failure to say something earlier on is actually quite understandable, given the type of relationship he and Ruby currently have. They’re still in the mere acquaintance stage. Still in the process of getting to know each other.

When you get to know a person really well, you also get to learn of the best method of comforting them during those dire moments. For some people, all they might need is a hug or a pat on the back along with a simple ‘You can do it!’ to get them to feel positive again. Whereas others might need more deeper words accompanied by probably reminders of their own self worth with examples of past achievements and emotional victories to jolt them out of that pitiful rut. This is a type of understanding that can only come from truly knowing a person which takes time.

Oscar isn’t there yet with Ruby (and my foot is starting to get a little weary of tapping to see when the series is going to get us there at some point. But to be fair to the writers, Ruby and Oscar only met this season so they might not have that kind of friendship and knowledge of each other till at least another season of close contact. But I digress).

To Oscar, he doesn’t honestly know the full details of all that has happened to Ruby before, during and after the Fall of Beacon. Sure Oz must’ve told him some facts about our red-haired main heroine beforehand but beyond that, Oscar doesn’t know Ruby well enough to try and comfort her in a way that would be helpful to her. I guess that would justify why he went with asking her how she felt.

He might not know her all that well despite being in his presence and company for a few weeks but he figured if he asked her how she felt personally, then maybe she’d be able to comfort herself by finally admitting her qualms out loud through his encouragement while at the same time helping him to better understand her in the process.

For what it’s worth, Oscar’s efforts worked. Ruby admitted everything. She finally mentioned Pyrrha and Penny and addressed her feelings on losing them. And one she was done giving her big speech, what did Oscar do?

Did he press her further? No. Did he slate her anymore? No.

Instead the kid just casually walks to her side and gives her a very comforting smile of approval (It definitely looked like a ‘I’ll accept that answer’ kind of face to me), now satisfied with her response.

I’m pretty certain if Ruby had continued to act all unconcerned about her past pains, then Oscar would have continued to talk her down until she did. Not out of disrespect or anything but because he saw how much she needed to get that off her chest. He probably shouldn’t have yelled at her the way he did however; in this case yelling was the more effective method since it brought the right amount of forceful impact to jolt Ruby out of her impassiveness.  

You might as well as had Ozpin go ‘...Well our work here is done! Mission accomplished!’ cause that’s pretty much the vibe I felt from Oscar after Ruby had walked off. He finally got her to admit not just to him but to herself about her feelings regarding everything and now that she’d gotten that emotional load she’s been harbouring for probably months off her chest, he can now smile knowing that she’s a little less stressed and that he had helped to do it.

Guys, this scene was SO IMPORTANT, not just for Ruby but Oscar too.

Do fans even realize how amazing Oscar is? I certainly do. He’s more than just a cute face. He’s a kind soul (well...two kind souls).

Oscar is such an amazing character and honestly has such potential. I really would love to have more moments with him helping other characters like this. If I haven’t stressed this enough whenever I muse about Oscar, there needs to be more key character-building moments with him. We’ve only just (barely) scratched the surface on what he can do as a true-blue voice of reason and mature wisdom for one his age. And this has nothing to do with Ozpin. Oh no.

I think on his own, Oscar is a very mature and outspoken young man. He may not possess the countless decades of vocabulary repertoire such as Ozpin but he does have heart. He’s compassionate and has a much greater power; stronger than any kind of battle skill or magic. He can connect well to others, if given the opportunity and is able to help them through their burdening issues. This is clearly evidenced by his acknowledgement and attempts at helping Ruby in the moment. And I think even Ozpin was able to sense Oscar’s true intent on talking to Ruby, hence I believe that’s why he was surprisingly absent during the whole ordeal and never intervened, even when Oscar yelled at Ruby.

Notice how Ozpin never interrupted or even spoke up once during the whole scene, no matter how tense it became? This was good, especially for me as a fan, since I was literally yelling “...Ozpin don’t you DARE freaking interrupt this very intimate moment between these two kids. Keep it between them please!” at my computer screen during the episode. Thankfully, Ozpin only spoke up after Ruby had walked away.

He allowed Oscar to handle the entire moment on his own. While Ozpin probably would’ve handled it differently (and possibly with a little more tact) if he were in Oscar’s shoes (literally), he respected the young farm boy’s methods enough to take a backseat because he understood fully well what his intentions were and respected him for it.

This reminds me of a scene from way back in Volume 2. It was from the episode with the school dance where, after Yang and Weiss abandoned an awkward introverted Ruby alone at this prestigious social event, it was Professor Ozpin who approached her and gave her some brief company, even if it was to simply provide some whimsical advice.

It was one of my favourite memorable moments from that volume simply for the exchange of dialogue between Ruby and Ozpin. It’s what he said to her that cemented why I like Ozpin so much as a character. And why I’m having a hard time accepting the theory of him being evil.

Oz may be the physical embodiment of magic, cursed by the Gods of Remnant and flawed with more x’s against him than a game of Tic-Tac-Toe but at his core, he’s human. It’s his empathy towards others who he believes might need his help and guidance that makes him human; despite the sheer irony that he’s the least human character in the show, secondary to Salem herself.

I loved the talk Ozpin had with Ruby from the dance episode but what made it better was the aftermath, seeing Ruby’s response to Ozpin’s words. She definitely seemed a bit more at ease following Ozpin’s reassurance. It’s no different than things were with her and Oscar.

In one scene, our boy Oscar got Ruby to open up more. I’ve watched a few reviews of this episode from some of my favourite Youtubers however up until now, I haven’t really seen any other fan really talk about the importance of this scene in terms of what Oscar’s involvement did for Ruby.

No one else has made this point, to my knowledge. It’s mostly been talk about either Oscar being afraid of what’s to come or, more commonly, Ruby’s epic speech. While Ruby’s speech was good, I personally find that this scene was important for Oscar because it highlighted more about his personality.

It revealed more to me about the kind of character he is or is at least shaping up to be and...I truly, truly, TRULY hope we get more moments with him like this one.

I pray that Chapter 5 isn’t going to be the only episode where fans get to see this side of Oscar. I’m fearful that with the reintroduction of Yang and Weiss that any further moments between Ruby and Oscar may become scarcer. Hoping that will not be the case. I’m hoping that what Ruby told Oscar from Chapter 5 will be brought back into hindsight later.

Perhaps there will come a time where, even for a brief moment, Ruby just breaks down and loses all hope. And in a surprising twist, it’s Oscar as the one to remind her of the very words she spoke to him from this episode because he now believed in her.

Yeah, yeah, I know. Haters be like...Ruby doesn’t need Oscar to inspire her cause she’s inspired by the people she cares about. That’s the thing; Ruby has shown to care about Oscar too so it’s safe to say that she likes him enough to consider him another cherished life she needs to fight for.

That being said let Oscar be a sort of shining beacon that inspires Ruby to regain herself in the same manner she has inspired others around her, including him. Or even better:

I just realized something. Oscar’s full name is Oscar Pine. Pine is a type of wood. A spark is essentially like a flame that continues to burn.

Isn’t wood not a kind of material used to keep a fire burning?  

If Ruby possesses a spark, then let Oscar possess the fuel that keeps her burning at her brightest. Whether it’s through motivational words or actions of selfless bravery, let him be her support.  I’m just saying.  

~LittleMissSquiggles (2017)