#honestly didn't notice before someone said it but the answers are stair shaped now

[honeyoongiah]

Curtains

Pairings: Taehyung x reader 

Genre: Neighbour! Taehyung AU, fluff, angst, smut

Words: 6.3k

Warnings: mention of harassment, explicit sex 

Summary: You just moved out to study in another city when you met your new neighbour Taehyung. You instantly feel connected to him, but somehow life just doesn’t stop getting in your way.

A/N: This is an older piece but I love it. I had to translate it before I could post it because I wrote it in german originally. And since I had a chance now, I edited it a bit. Enjoy!

"Are you sure you're gonna be okay?" - "Your plane is departing soon, get in this damn taxi now!" I laughed and pushed my mother out the door. Her eyes were still glaring at me with concern while trying to get free. "I can always book a new flight." 

"Mom no, go now. I'm an adult, I can do this.", I said and gestured how tall I am already. "First of all you are only 22. And you live alone now! That's a big step. You were never very long or far away from me. In my eyes you'll always be my little one." 

I hugged my mother one last time and kissed her cheek. "Now go. Tell me when you land and greet my siblings. And thanks again for helping me out so much. Are you sure I shouldn't bring you to the airport?" - "Yes I'm sure darling and don't thank me, I'll always be there to help you. I'll call you from home then!" 

I watched my mother for a while until I closed the door of my new house and leaned against it from the inside. I really moved out now and my new home was not exactly around the corner. But I was lucky with this place, it's a beautiful estate and close to my university. 

I walked straight up to my refrigerator in the kitchen because my stomach grumbled. A glance at the clock told me that their war had been a while since my mom and I ate breakfast and I hoped she wasn't starving on her way right now.

My eyes looked right into a yawning void and I sighed in frustration as I didn't feel like going shopping now. In the end, I would have no other choice. It was Saturday and if I didn't have food for today, I'll definitely stay hungry tomorrow. 

I ran upstairs to my bedroom and grabbed my handbag that was placed on the bedside table and opened it. Phone, key, wallet. Everything inside. I took a quick look in the mirror and checked whether my pigtail was still sitting properly and pulled it again.

Then I ran back down the stairs and left my house, of course not without locking the door. I got in my car and started the engine. Less than 10 minutes later I stood in the parking lot of a grocery store and slammed my car door. With quick steps I entered the building and looked around. I wanted to get this over with as soon as possible, I could already hear my bed calling for me. 

After my bulk shopping was done and I paid an inhuman sum at the cash register, I had a hard time carrying it all to the car. Somehow I had made it and dropped the whole bags into my trunk. After I drove back and parked in my garage, I threw myself into my seat in frustration as I remembered how many heavy bags I would have to carry inside now. 

Come on, it doesn't take that long I tried to cheer myself up and forced myself to get out and go to my trunk again. I was able to carry the first 3 bags and just got the key out of my door when a small husky stared at me with an innocent look. "Um..." I got out of a urge to react as if the dog could answer me. I almost dropped the bags, but I was able to put them down in time and crouched down. 

"Well, who are you?" I asked and the dog cocked his head to the side. I held out my hand and waited for him to come closer to sniff it. Who knew if he had not experienced traumatic and maybe attacked when I act too harshly.

Slowly the husky puppy padded towards me and nestled his head on my hand. I started to stroke him properly and his tail back and forth happily. "Snowball?" I turned around, but at first I couldn't find who this dark voice belonged to. "Snowball? Snowball where are you?" 

Then the little one in front of me responded to these calls with even more wagging his tail. "I guess you're Snowball, right?" He barked loudly and I giggled. "Snowball?" Slowly he padded past me to his owner, I turned and looked up into two brown eyes that pierced mine. 

We just looked at each other for a few seconds until I finally woke up from my rigidity and got up. "Um, hi. I'm y/n, I just moved in here." - "I'm Kim Taehyung and I live in the house next door.", said the other person while pointing to his house and grinning shyly. I returned the grin and looked over. "It's nice to meet you." 

"Nice to meet you too. I'm sorry if Snowball scared or annoyed you. He just ran away when I wanted to get the mail in and I couldn't catch him straight away  and then he already was out of my sight.", He laughed and scratched his neck nervously. 

"Oh, no problem. I love dogs and Snowball is really cute.", I replied honestly and looked down at him again. "Okay, then I'm relieved. Still sorry and thank you for taking care of him. I don't want to bother you any longer."

His eyes fell on the shopping bags by the door and he looked back at me. "Do you need help carrying it in?"- "Oh ah no, it's okay. I'll be fine," I said, waving my arms around in the air.

"Sure? It's not a problem for me to lend a hand."

His long brown-gray hair fell into his eyes and he ran his fingers elegantly through them while his eyes continued to look at me. „I am sure these aren‘t the only bags, if you just moved in here. Come on, let me help you.“

I gave up and nodded. Taehyung's smile widened immediately and he nodded back in confirmation. "The rest is in the trunk. I go and open the door already, so Snowball won't run away again."

Taehyung let Snowball into my house and carried the 3 bags from the front of my door to the kitchen, then he came to my garage and took as many bags as he could carry.

"I can take some too," I muttered, but he just shook his head and walked back inside my house.

I locked the car and the garage, then I followed him.

"Should I help you unpack, too?"

"No no, that would really be too much to ask for. Thanks for your help, would you like some coffee?", I walked over to my machine and looked at him questioningly. "Oh no, I don't want to bother you."

"It’s totally fine and besides you just helped me and I want to give you something back." - "Well if you insist then it would be my pleasure.", I nodded contentedly and let the coffee machine do its work while I leaned against the counter. "So why did you move here?"

"I am here for my studies, the university is just around the corner. I also always wanted to be independent as early as possible." Taehyung nodded and surveyed the facility. "Everything is already ready here."

"My mother was here and helped me with everything. She flew back this morning."

"Do you miss her already?" - "I didn’t get to that part yet, to be honest. Since she's gone, I've only been grocery shopping, nothing more." I laughed and Taehyung joined in. We talked about our life for a while and I found out that he studied at the university like me and that he had lived here alone for a few years. Unlike my family, his family lived near him, only that he still didn't see them too often. They didn't have a particularly close relationship. He had Snowball only for a few weeks and he made him really happy, even if it brought him into all kinds of problematic situations.

"I'll be gone then too, my girlfriend is probably wondering where I am," he explained to me with a smile and went to the door. A part of me was really sad that he was apparently in firm hands. "Thanks again for your help."

"Thanks for the coffee. If you need something, just come over."

I closed the door, started to put my groceries in the fridge and finally made myself something to eat. Later my mother called me and told me that she had arrived safely but would fly back at any time if I needed anything. With a laugh I declined her offer and we hung up. I spent most of the following evenings curled up on my sofa watching some trivial series on TV before my eyes grew heavy and I fell asleep. One night I heard someone shouting and winced. I slowly opened my eyes and was startled because I was not used to the surroundings.

I switched on the light and turned the television off. Is someone arguing? So loud in the middle of the night? I decided to go to my bedroom after going to the bathroom to brush my teeth. Shortly after I entered my room and wanted to open the window when I noticed that I could look perfectly into the room across the street. Two people faced each other and seemed pretty angry. I could see that one of them is probably Taehyung and that the woman with him must have been his girlfriend.

She raised her hand and landed directly on his cheek. I flinched in surprise, but Taehyung kept a straight face. He said something else to her that I didn't understand and she left the room. Still staring in shock, I stared over until his eyes met mine and I felt caught.

You don't stalk people just like that, I thought and I blushed. Taehyung just smiled and shaped a sorry with his lips. I shook my head to signal that he didn't have to apologize for anything and he nodded.

I smiled goodbye to him again and then pulled my curtains shut. Apparently he was having a fight with his girlfriend. I hoped that would settle down soon and went to bed. A few weeks passed and I met Taehyung a few times at the university and in front of the house. I found out that he had broke up with his girlfriend and he apologized again for waking me up.

I also got to know the first people and made a few contacts. A boy named Jimin seemed to be particularly interested in me and he invited me to dinner. I thought why not? and agreed. He was really attractive and friendly, you could talk to him well, so I was looking forward to my date. On that day the doorbell rang and I raised my eyebrows in surprise.

Jimin wanted to be here in an hour? I wasn't done with getting ready yet. I trudged to the door and found Taehyung. "Hey, I wanted to ask, if you would like to see a movie or something today? I cooked and there would be something for you too." In fact, I would have liked this, but I was already appointed. "I'm sorry, I'm busy today. Next time?"

Taehyung was visibly disappointed but he smiled anyway. "No problem, what are you doing?" Somehow it was uncomfortable for me to tell Taehyung that I was on a date, but it couldn't be avoided. "I'm having dinner with Jimin, I think you know him." His eyes widened and he looked away in shame. "Oh oh yes, I know Jimin. He is really nice. I wish you a good time." We said goodbye and I got ready for my date. It was really nice, Jimin picked me up and opened all the doors for me, adjusted my chair and even paid. He was really courteous and gracious but also funny.

We stopped at my front door to say goodbye. "I enjoyed my evening with you, y/n." Jimin smiled shyly and scratched the back of his head. "I thought it was very nice too." I admitted honestly and he smiled brighter. But something was missing. Jimin slowly reached down to me, watching my reaction closely and resting his forehead on mine. When I didn't move away, he gently put his lips on mine and I returned the kiss. We quickly broke apart and Jimin said goodbye for today.

This was followed by some dates, some kisses and at some point we were a couple.

"Do you want to go out today, honey?" He asked as he hugged me from behind and rested his head on my shoulder as I made myself a tea. "I don't care, we can stay here as long as we are together." I replied and got a kiss on the head. "You are so adorable."

Jimin was really the perfect boyfriend and I enjoyed being close. Spending time with him was pure relaxation for me and yet I couldn't help feeling that I was missing something. But I didn't tell him, I didn't want to hear it myself and gave everything to be a good girlfriend to him. We sat on the sofa and I leaned against him. He immediately put an arm around me and put my cup on the table. "Hey, I wanted to drink it now!" I laughed.

Jimin leaned down to me and pressed his soft lips against mine. I sighed contentedly and he grinned into our kiss. "It makes me so happy to make you happy."

"You poet." I giggled and united our lips again. Just as he was about to lean over me, the doorbell rang. Jimin already had his lower lip out formed to a pout and I laughed. "I‘ll go."

Jimin got up and arrived at the front door in a few steps. "Oh, hey Tae. What's up?" Immediately I became clairaudient and got up to go to the door. I stood next to Jimin, who automatically put his hand around my waist. Tae's gaze immediately fell on it and I felt an uneasy feeling. "I-I just cooked too much again and wanted to bring something over. So you are together now?" 

Jimin and I nodded, he definitely more vigorously than me. Taehyung put on a false smile and nodded. "I'm happy for you. Then you can eat it together, it'll be enough for two people." If it was enough for two, half was definitely not for Jimin and I felt bad to have canceled again when Taehyung indirectly asked me to meet. We said goodbye and I watched Tae walk down the stairs until Jimin closed the door. "Delicious food." Jimin murmured as he greedily examined the baking pan and I had to laugh.

Time flew and two years passed by quickly. Taehyung and I saw each other every now and then, when I was jogging and he went for a walk with Snowball. Who, by the way, had already become huge. Sometimes we were even grocery shopping at the same time. I also saw him go to bed every night because our bedrooms were facing each other and we always went around the same time to close the curtains. It was like a ritual. Neither of us mentioned it and neither said it was intentional, but we both knew we were eagerly waiting for 10 p.m. to finally be able to walk to the curtains and smile at each other least a few seconds a day.

After two years of relationship, I broke up with Jimin. He was a perfect boyfriend but he wasn't... perfect for me. The feeling that I was missing something grew bigger and bigger and echoed loudly in my head. I couldn't go on like this. Jimin was hurt, but understanding as expected. Again I met Taehyung while jogging, but this time I wouldn't just keep walking with a smile. I stopped, to mine and to his amazement. "Hey, Taehyung. We haven't talked in a long time," I said kindly.

"That's right, how are you doing right now?"

"Oh, it's okay so far, there's a lot going on right now," I replied. Please ask about Jimin, it shot through my head and I was scared of myself. Why did I want that? "Yes, the university is troubling us all. How's Jimin?" Yes! "I don't know, we broke up," I said, and I could have sworn to see a quick smile on his lips. "I'm sorry, you were together a long time." I nodded. "It was my decision. Something was missing," I emphasized. "Sometimes there are things that aren‘t meant to be and sometimes you have it right in front of you and you don't recognize it." he said absently and avoided eye contact.

We said goodbye and I thought about his words. Was he thinking about us? What would have been if he had not been taken or if it wasn’t directly after his breakup? What if his invitation had come a tick earlier? Would I have been with Jimin at all? I soon decided to cook too and bring him something over there. In fact, I still had one of his baking tins and decided to make a potato casserole.

But the university tore at my nerves and I couldn't find any time. Taehyung always seemed tired and stressed when I saw him in the evening or met him at the post office. Finally, half a year later, when I still hadn't given him his shape back, maybe just to be able to do this, I found the time and cooked for us. All day I was happy that it finally worked and something inside of me tingled with excitement. The thought of eating and talking with Taehyung, maybe laughing, gave me goose bumps and a pleasant warmth ran through my stomach.

I never had that with Jimin.

Humming happily, I cooked my casserole and looked proud at my work when I took it out of the oven. I let it cool down a bit and ran upstairs to choose something to wear.

Simple or a little bit more prettied up? We would only eat, but I still wanted to look good.

I entered my bedroom and automatically looked over into his.

My smile immediately disappeared when I realized that he was standing there with a girl and kissed her soulfully as they moved towards the bed. My stomach tightened but I couldn't look away. He held her face with one hand and with the other he pulled her closer to his waist.

She had buried her fingers in his hair and was playing with them.

I seemed to have been too noticeable because a few seconds later he broke away from her and looked in my direction. Just in time I could pretend to get my cell phone off the bed and disappear.

Before I left the room I looked over again. He had turned back to her and probably hadn't noticed that I had seen her. I sadly went down the stairs and wondered what I wanted to do alone with so much casserole. Then I just had something to eat for two days, I thought to myself, but I couldn't just keep it. It was meant for him and he should get it.

I got out a pen and a small piece of paper and wrote a message.

"Sorry for bringing over your cake tray so late. The casserole is for you and your girlfriend. Sorry, I didn't want to stalk! ~ y/n" I packed the form in aluminum foil and stuck the note on it. I quickly put on my shoes and ran the few meters over to put it in front of his door. Then I went back inside and threw myself on the sofa in frustration. Some things shouldn't be. At 10pm I went to my curtains as usual, but for the first time in 3 years, his curtains were closed.

The next morning I walked to my mailbox, but this time I saw no Taehyung.

I glanced at his front door. The casserole was definitely no longer there. But between my letters I found a small piece of paper. "The casserole was great, but not necessary! Thank you (^ o ^)" He did not go into the matter with his girlfriend, which is not surprising.

With a sigh I packed the remaining letters and ran back into the house.

The weeks passed and tests were pending. I hardly left my house, tried to focus as best I could. But Taehyung always managed to sneak into my thoughts and I tugged my hair I should have noticed earlier that I wanted more. Already at the first meeting I noticed that there was something. But he had a girlfriend. Then I had a boyfriend. The university also consumed a lot of time and now he seemed to be taken again.

He lives next door and is still so far away.

Another few weeks passed and Taehyung didn't come to the window regularly at 10pm. Maybe once or twice a week I saw him grinning at me through the window.

I always smiled back in a friendly way, but I was sad inside. I should just get over it and be happy myself again. After all, I had separated from Jimin over half a year ago. The university had planned a big prom after the exams and I tried to be happy and not to think that Taehyung would probably bring his new girlfriend there.

I got some invitations for this evening, but I didn't really feel like any of them. Everyone was really nice, but that's just not enough. Nevertheless, I accepted Haesung's invitation and he picked me up at 8pm. He drove us to the location and even looked really good in a suit.

We talked casually and entered the room.

The large hall was dipped in a soft blue and the furnishings matched perfectly. My dress was also color-coordinated, because the motto had already been announced. "Would you like a drink?" my date for this eveing asked, but I didn't feel like alcohol today. "No thanks." He got some of the alcohol-free punch for both of us, because he still had to drive. We talked and drank until my eyes fell on the door that someone was opening.

His suit looked great and my face immediately turned a light red.

To my surprise he was alone, without any company. His eyes roamed the room as if he was looking for something and finally met mine. We just looked at each other until he started eyeing me and my dress and smiled shyly. I blushed but smiled back. His smile was really heartwarming and it made my stomach tingle again. He looked over at Haesung and his eyes changed from shy to worried. What was going through his mind?

"y/n? Are you listening at all?"

Haesung pulled me out of my thoughts and I looked at him. "I'm sorry, I just noticed my neighbor." Haesung nodded and we continued the conversation.

My eyes fell briefly on the door again, but Taehyung was no longer to be seen. Well understandable, who liked standing in the door frame all night. The evening was calm and relaxed, I was still looking for Tae but couldn't find him anywhere. Time passed and slowly I wanted to go back home. Nothing kept me here.

"Haesung, I'm pretty tired. Would you mind if we left now?" I asked with puppy eyes.

You could see the disappointment, but he nodded and we walked back to the car. I searched for Taehyung one last time, but I still couldn't find him. Maybe he was home already?

The journey was quiet, there was silence between us but that was fine with me. I didn't really feel like talking to him anymore.

He walked me to the door and I tried to say goodbye, but Haesung supported himself on my front door with his hand and narrowed me down. "Can't I get a good night kiss?" He said, and I got a bad feeling about it. "Haesung please go now," I tried to say in a strong voice. He frowned. "But babe, we haven't gotten to the fun part yet." - "Haesung it is enough, I don't want that." I said with tremor in my voice this time and clenched my hands into fists to calm down. "Oh come on, I can still convince you. You will have fun."

Haesung moved closer and I was getting ready for the worst, but just before his face was close enough to mine, he was pulled back by the shoulder and stumbled a few steps back. "Fuck off Tae, this has nothing to do with you." Haesung said, visibly pissed off and tried to get out of his grip, but Taehyung gripped harder and harder. "No means no haesung and if you don't leave now and stay away from y/n in the future, you and I will have a problem." Taehyung said coldly and pierced Haesung with a look of death.

"Alright alright, I'm leaving," he muttered and went to his car.

Relief spread through me and I leaned against the door with a sigh. "Thanks Tae, it would have turned out badly without you." - "Nothing to thank me for. I was worried when I saw him with you, he has always been a guy who knows no boundaries. That's why I kept an eye on you and that didn't seem to be a mistake. Besides, you didn't seem really interested in him?", the last one came out half as a question and he cocked his head slightly.

"I thought he was nice and I didn't want to go to prom alone." I answered honestly and shrugged. "I would have invited you.” Taehyung murmured, looking at everything but me, hoping I didn't hear it. I did however. "I thought you were going with your girlfriend." I said, and Taehyung raised an eyebrow. "Exactly, I wanted to talk to you about that too. I have no girlfriend, where does that idea come from?" I thought back to the day I cooked for us and then saw him in the room with this woman. How he kissed her and pushed her towards the bed. My stomach turned. "I saw you in your room with a woman, and judging by what you were about to do, it looked very intimate." I replied embarrassed, playing with my fingers.

Taehyung thought for a moment, but then widened his eyes and blushed.

"I-I ... that wasn't my girlfriend. I just got to know her back then and … ah doesn't matter, it was a huge mistake. So you thought she was my girlfriend ever since?" He threw his head back and sighed heavily. "Don’t worry about it! You are grown up and can do whatever you want." I tried to calm him down, but he just shook his head. "You're right about that, but that was never what I wanted. No matter it's late, you should go to sleep. By the way, you look really gorgeous in this dress. Good night." he said and disappeared.

I unlocked my front door and warm air flowed towards me. I ran upstairs and saw Tae lying on his bed and running his hand through his hair while looking frustrated. I ran to my closet and dug out a long top because I didn't like to sleep in pants, and went to the bathroom to change. I could have just closed my curtains, but I didn't want to lose the chance to see Tae's face again. Who knew when the next time would be. I took off my make-up and changed my clothes. When I ran back to my room Taehyung was still there, but now he was sitting and resting his head on his knees with his hands. He probably hadn't noticed that I could see him yet.

For a few minutes I watched him go through his hair, check his cell phone briefly and throw himself back on the bed in frustration again. Then I decided to offer him his privacy and pulled my curtains shut. Another few weeks passed and our evening ritual was revived. We met and went jogging again often, sometimes we even ate together at the university. Finally it seemed to be going uphill. But fate was simply not on our side. I noticed that there has been an unusual amount of noise coming from his house lately and his bedroom looked emptier than usual. What was he up to? Renovation work? I didn't get to ask him, because the next day he was already at my door and handed me a small piece of paper. "I'm going to do a few semesters abroad. I can't be here anymore, but that's my number, if you need something or want to talk, just contact me.", He was still there until I finished saving his number but after that he wanted to turn back and go immediately.

No no no! I couldn't let something separate us again!

He was still walking along the path of my property when his cell phone rang.

He got it out of his pocket and took the call.

"Hello?"

"You said I should call when I need something. Don't go away, I need you." I spoke bravely into my cell phone, my hand trembled and I was ready to get the brush-off. A tear rolled down my cheek but I just ignored it. Taehyung continued to stand with his back in my direction for a few seconds, which felt like hours, but then finally turned to me and waöked towards me with huge steps. "I've been waiting for so long," he said before taking my face in his hands and meld our lips. I sighed contentedly and put my arms around his neck, pulling him further down towards me. He pushed me into the house and kicked the door shut. His hands moved from my face to my hip, where he pulled me closer and I moaned in surprise.

I buried my fingers in his long hair and scratched his neck. In response, he gave a low grumble and pushed me against the wall. "I've wanted to do this ever since I met you," he whispered against my lips as we briefly separated from each other due to lack of air. His eyes shone and I lost myself in them. He grabbed my butt and I immediately wrapped my legs around his waist. Again he pushed me against the wall and rubbed against me as he spread a thousand kisses on my neck. I cocked my head and took a deep breath when he touched a sensitive area with his soft lips.

"Found it.", He murmured contentedly and started sucking on it. I moaned softly and clawed into his back. I wanted to feel his lips on mine again, to memorize his taste. I grabbed his face and turned it back to me, didn't hesitate for a second and reunited our mouths. Taehyung pushed me a little more against the wall and grabbed my butt a bit harder.

He bit my lip lightly and I slightly opened my mouth when I moaned, which he immediately took advantage of and also united our tongues. It was a struggle for dominance that I would clearly lose. Slowly I felt something hard between my legs and gasped in surprise.

"Sorry, if that's too quick for you, we can stop too...", Taehyung said out of breath, still very close to my face. His breath tickled warmly on my swollen lips and I didn't even think about ending this. In response, I pulled him closer to me again and pulled his shirt up a bit on his back. Taehyung grinned and we pulled away from the wall so he could carry me upstairs.

In the meantime, I worked on his neck and left my love bites everywhere. 

When we arrived in my bedroom, he threw me on the bed and immediately leaned over me to focus on my neck again. "I’m so damn attracted to you. I crave you." he growled in his deep voice against my skin as his hands slowly moved under my top and explored my body. He quickly pulled it over my head and looked at me for a while. "Taehyung what are you doing?" - "I'm trying to catch every detail of you." he answered, leaning back down to me. His lips wandered down my neck to my cleavage and opened my bra with his hands. It felt like his hands and lips were everywhere at the same time, my skin burned hot in the places he touched. The comfortable tingle in my abdomen became stronger and I gasped when Tae had reached my pants. 

As he continued to spread gentle kisses on my stomach, he opened my pants and threw them carelessly across the room. I pulled his shirt over his head and threw it down to my pants. He took my panties off with his teeth and licked his lips while he examined my now completely exposed body. It was uncomfortable to show myself so naked, but his lustful gaze on me felt good. He climbed up to me again and we kissed passionately as he ran his fingertips over my body. I reached for his belt, which I had successfully opened after some fiddling, and tried to open the button. 

But unexpectedly, Taehyung let his fingers disappear between my legs and I groaned loudly. He grinned into our kiss and playfully bit my lip. "Taehyung-ah, I can't concentrate like this..." I tried to make no noise while still trying to open his button. He let go of me briefly to take off his pants himself and I stared at the bulge that could no longer be overlooked. Again he kissed my body until he got between my legs and gently sucked marks on my thighs. "You don't have to concentrate on anything, baby. Just let yourself fall." he said seductively, his lips touching my clit lightly and driving me crazy.

Shortly afterwards, a pleasant sensation ran through my whole body and I moaned loudly when I could feel Taehyungs tongue. "Tae-Taehyung..." was the only thing that could leave my mouth, my hips started moving by themselves and I closed my eyes. The fact that I moaned his name only made him move his tongue faster and harder while he began to use his fingers. He pushed two inside of me, no time to adjust but I didn’t need it anyway. I clawed my hand in the sheet and buried the other in his hair, which exerted slight pressure on his head. Just when I was almost at the limit to cum, he stopped and I looked down at him in surprise. I whined at the loss of contact when he removed his fingers.

"I want to come with you, baby." he gave me as an explanation and I quickly nodded. There was nothing I wanted more than to feel him inside of me. I’ve waited for this for so long that I was almost nervous.He stripped off his boxer shorts and leaned over me.

I wrapped my legs around his waist and looked deep into his brown eyes, which I fell in love with at first sight. "Taehyung, I love you," I said, smiling, and Tae's look looked surprised.

"I love you too, (y/n). Finally you're mine.", he answered lovingly while entering me slowly.

I moaned deeply when I felt his length inside of me. This time I needed a few seconds to adjust, but Taehyung was patient and kissed my neck while he waited for my okay to move. I still felt like I could cum any minute, him stretching me out and his soft lips on my neck while his hands stroked my body drove me crazy. As he started to suck on my nipples I got impatient and whined. “Please move. I want to feel it.”

Taehyung groaned in response and moved his hips back and forth, his eyes not leaving mine. “I love how you look right now. God you’re so beautiful.”, he whispered to me and I blushed, not able to give him an answer, the pleasure too much for my brain to form words.

My fingers were buried in his hair as I moved my hips in sync with his. We both moaned louder when he started to thrust a bit harder, revealing how needy he really was. “T-Taehyung it feels so good I’m close.”, I whimpered, now scratching his neck and gaining a low groan in response. “I can feel it gorgeous, you’re clenching around me. It feels amazing.”, he answered and bit my neck softly. “Cum with me.”

His words sent me over the edge, the pleasure running through my veins as I moaned loudly. Shortly after I could feel that Taehyung was close as well, only a few thrusts away from filling me. I touched his body and marked his neck where I discovered he liked it the most and helped him cumming as well. “God you’re incredible.”, was the first thing he said after pulling me close into his arms. I chuckled and kissed his chest. “I’ve never felt like this.” 

“Me neither.”, I whispered and looked up to him. “Are you really going to stay here with me?” 

Taehyung nodded fastly and kissed my forehead. “I won’t let anything or anyone come between us. We wasted way too much time the past years and I think we need to catch up on that.” I nodded and sighed in relief. Taehyung wouldn’t leave me. We finally found each other and wouldn’t let go again. “I love you.”, he said lovingly and I smiled. “I love you too, from the very first moment I did and I’ll never stop.” 

[neptunetheplanet7]

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐯𝐞 - 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐲 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐨𝐧𝐞

DM ME IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE PUT ON THE TAGLIST!!

;mikasa ackerman x fem!lesbian!reader

;modern au, band au

word count: 2.1k

warnings: swearing, anxiety, hitch…, gross couple stuff, fluffy in the beginning, angst toward the end

listen to the music masterlist

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Between band rehearsals and time at home, you were happier than you'd ever been. You and Mikasa were officially an item. Honestly, it was hard for you to believe.

Three full days and nothing had gone wrong. Maybe Hitch's threats were empty after all. Admittedly, you were a little worried she'd be right on your tail after you and Mikasa became official.

But there was no way she'd know, anyway. Only the rest of the band and your friend group knew about your new relationship.

Mikasa was never one to care about social media so the public not knowing for a little while wouldn't be a big deal.

You wanted the fans to be aware but you had to be sure you were clear of Hitch before you announced it. You wanted to be sure you'd completely shaken her off before taking to the socials.

Perhaps the scene at the restaurant really was her last stand. You hadn't heard from her since and you were too caught up in your own fear of her to reach out.

Her outburst was something you thought about in times when you weren't focused on your girlfriend.

You were actually a little worried about Hitch. What she said stunned you for sure but so many other things happened that night that you had barely even dwelled on it before you and Mikasa started dating.

It was easy to tell that every word she spoke came from a place rooted deeply within her. You never expected something like that from as calm a person as Hitch. Based on the way she escaped that night, neither did she.

After the kiss with Mikasa, you were too wrapped up in your own doubtful mind to even give Hitch a second thought.

Yet there you were, your thoughts consumed by her while you helped set up for Eren's party.

"Y/n!" Armin called from the floor. His voice was startling and you almost fell off the ladder he was holding.

"What, Armin?" You put a hand to your heart and steadied yourself by pressing your palm to the wall.

"Why are you taking ten years to tape streamers up? They don't even look good because you've got your head in the clouds! Just let me do it." They let out an annoyed huff and motioned for you to come down the ladder.

You obliged and held the ladder steady for Armin to climb up. They started fixing the streamers while mumbling an insult or two about how they were placed.

Eren was on the back porch attempting to put up string lights, which was usually Jean's job. Instead, he was on the phone with Niccolo, who so graciously offered to cater, at the kitchen counter. Mikasa was going around all the rooms and hiding expensive or prized possessions so nothing important got destroyed.

She then walked into the kitchen and sent you an affectionate smile while stacking away plates that used to belong to your grandparents.

You smiled back and took one hand off the ladder to grab hold of her arm before letting her walk to the fridge. Armin swatted your head. "Will you stop dilly-dallying? Hold the ladder steady!"

Jean made a silent gagging motion at you and Mikasa before turning back to the phone.

Although she was hiding her face in the fridge, you still noticed the hint of a smile on her face.

Armin smacked your head again. "I'm gonna get another head injury if you don't hold the ladder steady!"

"Christ, Armin. I got it, okay?" You gripped the ladder with both hands but fought the urge to tip it over. He really took decorating seriously.

Mikasa left the room after putting everything valuable into a closet and getting a drink.

Jean got off the phone after fifteen or so minutes and Eren came back inside to ask for help with the lights. Armin gladly halted his work with the streamers to go help him.

So you were back on decorating duty. You moved the ladder to another part of the kitchen to finish up with the streamers.

After everything was set up, the sun was beginning to set. It was around seven p.m.  People would be arriving soon so you all got dressed and ready for the party.

Sasha and Niccolo were the first people to arrive since they were the ones bringing all the food. Once they got done with putting the food out more people began to show.

First, it was the rest of your friend group. Then, it was people Eren knew but you didn't. Finally, it was so many random people that you lost track of them all.

It was now dark outside and your house was filled with people. Jean and Marco were at the front door as light security to make sure douchebags such as Floch didn't get in.  

The one time he did he broke a bunch of expensive vases. That's where the ritual of hiding valuable stuff came from. You could never be too careful at big parties like these.

Music was blaring through your house, making it impossible to hold a steady conversation with your girlfriend, who stood in front of you. 

Instead of talking, you both decided that dancing would be the better option.

What surprised you was when she started getting handsier with you as the songs progressed. She was never one for physical affection in places with lots of people so you were a little confused, but you didn't mind. 

"Guys! Reiner said he's gonna jump in the lake!" Eren shouted at you and Mikasa. He looked like he was out of breath.

"What?" you yelled back.

"The lake is fucking freezing! You can't swim in it this time of year or you'll straight up die! Holy shit- let me catch my breath. I just ran up the lawn and a flight of stairs. Fuck, I'm so out of shape!" He was still yelling since the music hadn't gotten any quieter. The stupid birthday cake hat on his head was slipping off. 

"Should we stop him?" Mikasa shouted. 

"Yes, we should fucking stop him! Everyone out there is cheering him on! The only reason he's held back is because Armin is stalling him! He's the only one down there with a little responsibility! God, Reiner is like a completely different person when he's drunk." Eren adjusted his hat and motioned for the two of you to follow him back downstairs.

You were about to follow him and Mikasa but you noticed a certain figure standing in the hallway, glaring at you. 

You thought this might've been over. You thought wrong. You'd recognize that glare anywhere.

Hitch had the nerve to show up at your best friend's birthday party knowing you'd be around. You guessed she hadn't known about you and Mikasa until a few minutes ago.

When she noticed your gaze, she abruptly turned to the left and walked into the kitchen.

"You guys go stop him, I'll stay back and monitor things while you're gone." You told your bandmates.

"You sure, Y/n?" Eren yelled again, already getting lost in the crowd.

"Yeah, go without me!"

He nodded and walked off with Mikasa trailing behind.

You felt like you were gonna be sick. You should've been more careful. You should've expected this.

You knew you were upset. You knew you were scared. But you knew you had to talk to Hitch before she talked to anyone else.

She looked angry when you approached her in a secluded hallway off of the kitchen that was luckily out of view from the rest of the party.

"I want to talk about Friday." Your voice came out surprisingly steady and for the first time that night, you could actually hear yourself speak.

She scoffed. "You wanna talk about Friday? I wanna talk about your new relationship. Do you seriously think I'm someone to mess with? Do you take me as a joke?"

"Hitch, I'm worried about you. What you said then, it was pretty heavy." You spoke calmly, trying not to provoke her.

Her glare faltered for a second but she quickly looked down and pretended to fix the wrinkles in her dress. "I lost my composure then. Don't worry about me. It won't happen again so don't ask about it." She looked at you again. "Y/n, why don't you tell me exactly what's going on with you and Mikasa?"

If Hitch wasn't going to crack, neither were you. "Nothing at all. We're only friends."

She quirked an eyebrow. "Really? Because last I checked, friends don't dance like that."

"They can if they want."

She ignored your answer, not buying it, and changed the topic. "I bet you wonder where and how I get my answers to things. I have eyes everywhere. As long as I'm around here there's no escaping the truth."

You were trying very hard to keep up a wall of confidence but you knew it was falling fast. "I do wonder, actually. How did you even know she was coming back? Only two of my friends besides the band knew and they don't talk with you."

Then, she smiled. "Marlo's job has him working internationally. He was on a train before she came back. She was on it too. He overheard her on the phone with your friend Jean. I guess you could say he was in the right place at the right time."

You stumbled back in surprise. Of course something like that happened to her. What else could have?

She laughed at your reaction. "It's all too convenient! Just think about that, Y/n. You can never get rid of me, no matter how hard you try. I know what's going on with you two and everyone is going to know what happened with us."

She laughed again and any ounce of courage you had disappeared. Tears filled your eyes as you hurried away from her.

You hastily made your way through the sea of people and up the stairs. Jean and Marco looked up from the front door at the sudden noise of you running up the stairs. They called your name twice but didn't follow.

 You rushed down the hallway and into the bathroom. The door shut behind you. You dropped to the floor and let the welling tears fall.

You were overwhelmed and cried easily. Soon enough, everyone would know. How could you face them after what you did to Hitch? After they knew? 

A knocked sounded at the door after a few minutes of sitting and crying.

"Occupied," you said hoarsely.

"Y/n? Are you okay? Open the door. It's me. It’s Eren."

Damn, you were hoping no one else noticed. You figured Eren and the others would still be persuading Reiner out of stupidity. 

After a moment of hesitation, you opened the door and he came in. He sat on the floor in front of you as you leaned against the cabinets. 

"I saw you through that crowd. Jean said you came up here. Can you tell me what happened and if you're okay?" He rubbed your arm and pulled you in to hug him as he tried to help you calm down.

You hiccuped and sniffled into his shoulder, dampening the cloth of his shirt, but he didn't seem to care. "Take your time," he whispered.

You wiped at your eyes and pulled away from his embrace. "Eren, I did something so shitty in college."

posted: 9/29/21

neptunetheplanet7© 2021

no reposts, edits, or modification to my work by anyone other than me.

[longingfreesia]

bury it in mine | ao3 mirror

raven and ciel try to set up a nice date, and end up with a bit more than they expected. wc 4291

note: i just think these two being happy and in love and learning to heal together is neat.

Ciel is washing up, and says, “I have a date tonight.”

Lu rolls her eyes. “Why are you telling me?”

Ciel takes her plate from in front of her (it’s already practically clean with how she eats) and smiles. “Because, I don’t want you trying to communicate with me and hearing us.”

“Why would I care?” She says, pouting.

“Well, I guess you wouldn’t. I guess you would just love to hear me talking to my sweetums.” He puts a sickening emphasis on the last word and Lu sticks her finger in her mouth, gagging exaggeratedly.

“You’re gross.”

“What, you don’t wanna see me and my darling peaches? My pumpkin sweetie pie? My little cuddle muffinー“

“Uuugh, okay, okay, stop it!” Lu whines, shaking her head with her hands over her ears. “I won’t snoop!” Ciel chuckles as he sorts the dishes into their place in the cabinets. Lu knows he’s won this round, and blows a raspberry at him as he pulls his chair out from their table.

...

Several hours pass. Ciel is more anxious than usual.

“That must be the third time you've checked the kitchen. What's got you so worked up?” Lu asks, boredom hanging on her words.

“It's a very special night! I have to make sure everything is perfect!” Ciel replies, stopping only for a moment to do so.

Lu scoffs. “Of course it's going to be perfect. You're the host, after all.”

Ciel stops once again to lean back into the doorframe and go ‘aaawwww, luuuu…’ in a way that makes her pout and him grin.

“You're a good kid, y'know?”

“Yeah, I would be if I were actually a kid.”

Ciel smiles, and slides into his spot at the table. “Maybe you're right. I shouldn't worry so much…”

“Duh! He gets all doofy whenever he's around you, he'll definitely be happy.”

Ciel turns to look at her, almost dumbfounded and it clearly evident on his face, and she feels smug. Tonight should be fun.

...

Ciel jumps up when Lu loudly announces she can tell Raven is outside.

“You're acting like a teenager.”

Ciel shushes her. She crosses her arms and he gives up.

He opens the door, and gasps softly.

“Ah, is it bad?” Raven asks. “I'm… not good with formal wear, so I didn't…”

“No, no, it's fine! More than fine! You look stunning.” Lu rolls her eyes behind him. Her butler was so easy to impress when it came to men. Raven had big muscles! So what!

Raven looks down sheepishly, and Ciel nearly melts. He's so cute. “...Thank you.”

“Oh! Come in. I've got something going already, but Lu isーLu!”

“What!”

Ciels voice is hushed but frantic as he rushes over to her. “You said you'd goー”

“And I will. After I get whatever you're making.”

Ciel groans. Lu has donned a smug face she hasn't in a while, and he knows this is payback. “Fine. Just behave.”

Lu smirks, and Raven chuckles. Ciel startles, having momentarily forgotten he came in. “You two get along well.”

Lu sticks her tongue out at him. This is going well.

“I need to go check on the foodーI'll be back as soon as possible, okay?” Ciel says. Both of them nod, and he leaves for the kitchen.

Lu immediately stares Raven down with an intensity he didn't know eleven-year-olds could have.

“Go ahead, sit.” She says, but it feels almost like a threat. He does as she says anyway.

“Have… I done something wrong?” He asks.

“No. The opposite… so far.” She says, kicking her legs back and forth under the table. “I wanted to talk to you.”

“About?”

“Ciel, what else?”

“Oh… of course.”

Lu ‘hmph’s and crosses her arms. “Listen to me well when I say this,” she starts, attempting to take on the regal voice she did so long ago, “Ciel is my royal butler. If you hurt him in any way shape or form, I'll have no choice but to get rid of you for good.” She narrows her eyes at him. “Got it?” She adds, punctuating it with a stomp of her foot. Raven blinks.

“Y… yes ma'am.”

“Good!” She exclaims. Then, after a moment of silence, “He cares an awful lot about you. I've only seen him get that look in his eyes about… someone… else important to him. He'll... tell you that on his own time, I think. But, the point is… you must be reaaal special for him to think of you like that. So just don't screw it up, okay? I can't have my butler with a broken heart.” Her tone is somewhat playful, but her face betrays her genuinity.

Raven isn't sure what to say, but for “Of course. I'd never dream of it.” That was the answer, yes, but the rest of what she saidーreally? Ciel thought that highly of him? It was… It was…

Lu scrutinizes him under her gaze a moment longer, then beams. “I'm gonna go to bed.”

“Hm? I thought you wanted the dinner Ciel is making.”

“That? Well… Maybe, but he asked me not to snoop. I'm a woman of my word, you know. I just needed to make sure you knew your place.” She smirks. “Hey, pinky promise?”

“Pi…” His confused expression shifts to a gentle smile. She really was a kid, wasn’t she? “Sure.”

Lu hooks their pinkies together and shakes his arm as hard as her little arm can, then skips off somewhere up a short flight of stairs.

Raven finds himself uneasy, for some reason.

One, he figures, likely being Lus near-threatening, another being… simply not knowing what to do in someone else home. He felt unwelcome, despite being invited here. Was it alright for him to be here, after all? Yes, surely…

A faint sound catches his ear, and his eyes go wide when he realizes what it is. Ciel… is singing, as he cooks. Not loudly, just a low, gentle hum over the sound of a low fire. It's… rather soothing, actually, and he feels his anxieties melt. He wonders, briefly, if this is something Lu gets to hear often.

He also wonders if perhaps Ciel would do that for him, sometime. It's a thought that makes him feel the need to shake his head as if to dispel it. But… it’s so nice, and something so elegant, in contrast to him… (could he ever sing, himself? no, that was silly.) It warms his heart, a bit, and he saves it in his mind.

Ciel soon after pops his head through the doorway, informing him that he'll be bringing something out in a moment in a singsong manner.

When he does finally come out, he's carrying platters of elaborate dishes Raven can barely (or plain doesn't) recognize. He feels like he's stolen something, somehow, or that he's lost.

The plates clink on the table. “I can eat this?”

Ciel snorts. “Yes, silly. I made this for you.” He pauses. “I hope it's alright, I'm used to making sweets, since that's what Lu likes, but… I think you like meat more, not the type for cake, so I tried that…” He practically speaks to himself instead of Raven with how he babbles. He appears to be so wrapped up in the food that he hasn't even noticed that Lu left.

Raven clears his throat. “I don't think I've ever even seen food this elaborate. Thank you.”

Ciel beams. His ears light up in a way that's very charming, and he practically glows with pride. “I'm glad!”

Raven… still feels somewhat like he isn't allowed to eat what's in front of him, but… (ah, where did he find steak that big…?) Just this once.

He would have to ask Ciel to teach him how to cook, soon.

...

He realizes, now, that perhaps he doesn't feed himself properly, and that he is very, very sleepy.

“Oh, are you alright? Maybe I went overboard…”

Raven simply shakes his head. He wouldn't want Ciel to stress over it. It wasn't bad, anyway, just new.

“Hm… do you want to go to bed?” He swallows, shortly, “I'd hate to send you home so quickly. You could stay here for the night?” He can feel his heart beating faster, nervous, but he was never one to let that show. Besides, he felt confident in this.

Raven blinks. “That's alright with you?”

“Why would I offer if it wasn't?”

“Fair point. Then where?”

Ciel suddenly straightens. “Ah... “

“What?”

“We don't have a guest room… Would you mind staying in mine?”

Ravens immediate thought is ‘no, of course not,’ as it was nothing to himーhe had spent nights packed into cots with his peers before, that would be nothing, except…

Except, Ciel was… different. He was, (he felt his stomach stir oddly at the words) in love with him. It was different.

He shakes his head, in any case. “That's fine, as long as you're alright with it.”

Ciel nods, and holds his hand out for Raven to take it. Raven almost misses it, confused at first at the unfamiliar gesture. He reprimands himself right after for being so strange.

Ciels bed is lit through a window by early moonlight. It's pleasant, making the room more comforting than it already looked. And… a few soft plushies lay on the sides of the bed. Lus? (speaking of, where did lu run off to? she can't have gone somewhere far, right? but he doesn't pry.)

“Hmm… you can borrow something of mine if you want something more comfortable to sleep in.” Ciel shrugs towards one of two doors next to each other. “The closet’s there if you wanna take a shot to see if it fits.”

Raven nods, except he shuffles awkwardly through what he can find and grabbing a pair of sweatpants. They’re loose enough that it doesn’t matter if they fit or not, and he doesn’t plan on wearing a shirt anyway. Ciel nods him towards the other door when he walks out, but when he exits again, he stares.

“What’s wrong?” Raven asks.

“Huh? Oh, nothing. Nothing at all, honestly. You just… always look good.” He laughs, breathy and short. Raven suddenly feels embarrassed. Did he always look at him like that? Not that he minded, so much, but… the concept of being attractive to someone was foreign and long-forgotten. And… mostly just embarrassing.

Ciel repeats the same thing Raven did, and comes out in an oversized shirt with… a large print of a very round cat in the middle? That was… cute…  He shuffles into the bed wordlessly, with the ease of a motion he’s taken countless times. Except, it was with someone else this time, wasn't it?

Raven finds that he's stayed silently by the door for a rather long time now when Ciel turns to look at him, concerned.

“Do you not want to get in? It's fine if that's the case.”

“No, I…” Raven starts, but doesn't know where he's going. He worries his lip instead.

“...Mmm.” Ciel gets out of the bed and walks to him, taking his hand. “It's alright. Come on.” He says, pulling lightly on his hand. Raven follows the lead, and comes to sit on the edge of the bed with him.

He thinks he should at least turn away for this, or something, so he does. A ritual he knows by heart and muscle memory, a seal popping open, and a very strange feeling later, he hefts his Nasod arm to the floor and props it up. He’d have to quickly get it back on in the morning, but… it’d cause more trouble than convenience if he didn’t.

Ciel is staring, again. He quickly catches himself, but not before Raven notices.

“...Sorry.”

“Everyone does. It's fine.”

He shifts under the sheets with Ciel, and suddenly feels very wrong. He doesn't deserve this, does he? He most certainly doesn't, not like this. He’ll hurt Ciel if he gets any closer, so he should stay on the opposite side, and…

and Ciel pulls him by the waist into his arms.

“That's better,” he mutters sleepily, and rubs circles into Ravens back.

It's… good. Ciels embrace is calming, and feels more like home than anything Raven’s felt in… who knows how long.

But still… still, the feeling of being undeserving persisted. Ciel must have been able to feel how he remained stiff and anxious, because he kisses Ravens forehead.

“Hey,” he says, guiding Ravens hand to his own hip. “I want to be here with you. ...You won’t hurt me, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Raven breathes deeply before looking Ciel in the eyes. “Do you promise?”

He smiles, almost laughing. “I promise.

In fact…” He trails off, leaning closer to Raven, almost directly on him. “I want you to kiss me.”

Raven at least knows enough to know it'd be awkward to say anything, and obliges. Ciel is warm, and it spreads to himーwarm, soft and encompassing, something Raven welcomes with open arms, lets cover him whole. It feels safe, with himーsomething he rarely feels anymore.

Perhaps it's alright, thenーjust this once, to allow himself to let his guard down, to be happy without consequence.

Maybe… just this once. Maybe (he hopes, somewhere deep in his heart he can't yet see,) much more in the future.

...

There's something warm, something wet, something too bright covering his arms to the biceps. He doesn't get time to process it before he's lifted and shoved by the collar towards a tank, barely harboring a glance at the floor before being submerged. Bodies, bodies smothering it, smothering himーhe can't breathe. Every gasp is filled with burning liquid, every frantic scrape he takes at the glass is meaningless. He can't move his limbs, anything, everything is numbing. He can't let this happen, not again not again notー

He wakes and the ceiling is too far away. He moves his left arm first, remembers where he is, then tries his right, and remembers there’s nothing. He finds a warm hand almost immediately after scrambling in front of him again with his left, and gasps.

Ah, Ciel… Right, he's with Ciel… They fell asleep together, something that hadn't happened before.

He takes a deep breath and makes a decision.

“I'm sorry, Ciel,” Raven mutters before making to get out of the bed. Ciel stirs when he gets up, and he curses under his breath. He freezes, holding his breath and waiting until Ciel settles again before leaving.

...

The night air feels like stepping through a certain, into something new and refreshing. He breathes in deeply, trying to collect himself. He shoves his hand down the pocket of his sweatpants (ciels, rather), wondering if anyone would cause a fuss over a scary-looking man with one arm wandering around at night.

That was what people called him, wasn't it? Scary. He shakes his head. He knows he didn't give that feeling before he was captured. He figures it's a combination of the Nasod arm and all his scars. And… his demeanor. He tries to be nicer, he really does… He sighs. There's nothing to be done about it, really, is there? He's tried for years, to no avail. Perhaps he's damaged in more ways than his arm.

He kicks a loose chip of the sidewalk. It was a bit cold… It was the middle of the night, after all, and he'd only bothered to pull on his shoes so he could walk before heading out. It didn't matter, in any case. He would live. Nonetheless, he shivers and rubs his shoulder. He knew this part of Ruben well enough to know that… soon enough, a small river would come into view. He quickly gets to it, just as he thought.

He's come here before, on a few occasions like this. He finds water calming, for whatever reason. He settles by the shore, staring out at the surface of the water, rippling gently with the cool night winds. He attempts to settle his breathing, tune it with an imaginary flow of the waves. Ciel didn't need to see him like this. This way, he could deal with things on his own, and no one would be burdened with his issues.

The water is tranquil, and the aura of it seeps through his chest, until he finds the maelstrom in his chest has calmed. Running away like thisーit wasn't something he did before, either. But this was good, he knew it wasーit was the best possible solution that he could access to his troubles. At the very least, it was certainly better than… less than savory methods he'd used to cope in the past.

He stays like this for a long while, contemplating more than he likely should, in a state like this. He's only broken out of it when he hears frantic footsteps.

Shit, shit, shit, who is that? If it was just a passerby, he'd be fine, but if it wasn'tーshit, he hadn't brought a weapon, and his balance was thrown off (if just slightly) with no prosthetic.

“Raven? Are you there?” A familiar voice calls, and Ravens heart twists.

“...How did you find me?” He asks, perhaps too quietly.

Ciel rubs the back of his neck as he keeps walking to Raven. “I don't know that myself. I ran around for, ah, who knows how long until now.” He near collapses next to Raven when he gets to him. Raven feels his heart twinge with guilt. Had he been looking for him the whole time he'd been out…?

“...I’m sorry.” Raven mutters. Ciel laughs, out of breath.

“You should be!” then, after a moment, “I'm kidding. Very much so. You scared me half to death, though…” Ciel hangs his arms on his knees, breathing heavy. “So, any reason why you absconded into the night like that? I'm just that bad of a host?” He tries to keep his tone light, but concern shines through.

“It's… nothing, really.”

“Running off at four o’clock in the morning is kind of a little more than nothing.”

Raven runs a hand over his face, keeps it in his hair and stares at the stars. “It's nothing for you to worry about, at least.”

Ciel watches him as his head falls. “Raven?”

“Mm?”

“If…” He leans over to take Ravens hand in his own, ever-so-softly, and Raven turns to look at him in surprise. “If we're, really, seriously doing this, it's absolutely something for me to worry about.”

Raven feels his heart swell through the genuine words and Ciels gaze. “I… Sorry. I'm sorry. I didn’t mean to… ruin the night you set up.”

“Shhh, don't be, you didn’t,” Ciel says, kissing Ravens knuckles. “Just let me know what's wrong.”

“You could tell that much?”

Ciel scoffs. “Is running away something you do when you're happy?”

Raven rolls his eyes. “Alright, I get it. It… was a nightmare, is all.”

“‘Is all.’”

“What?”

“That’s really all?”

Raven fidgets anxiously. He squeezes Ciels hand, not meeting his gaze, “No… It's not.”

“...Is it something I can know?”

Raven once again looks surprised. “What do you mean?”

“I mean…” His face grows more solemn. “Things appear in my nightmares that… are very, very personal. If that's not something you're ready to share with me, it's okay. If you are, though... “ He brings Ravens hand to his chest. “I'm here to listen to anything you tell me.”

Raven clenches, unclenches his hand, stares at the ground between his feet. After a long moment, “I’ve told you how I got my Nasod arm, haven’t I?”

Ciel nods. “A little. I know you were experimented on, not much else.”

Ravens face is scrunched up something fierce, and he scowls at himself. “I… had a fiance. Comrades. They… were all killed, when I was kidnapped, and someone I had trusted aided in their murder.” He tries not to pay attention to the way Ciels face goes soft and heartbroken. “That’s… all I need to say, I think. You can likely imagine what the nightmares are about, now.”

“Ah…Iー”

“Don’t tell me you’re sorry for me. I don’t need it.”

“I wasn’t going to.”

“Then what?” If you’re not going to offer me your pity like everyone else, then what?

“I lost someone very important to me, too.” Ciel mutters, leaning against Ravens arm now.

“Hm?”

“He was… like a father to me. He took me in after my family was killed. I had a little sister, too.” Raven chances a look at Ciels face. He’s staring out at the water, head leaning on Ravens shoulder.

He has a smile on his face, but he’s not looking at the water, is he?

“He died, then?”

“Mm. What do you think? Killed, rather.” He gives a soft laugh. “He wanted me never to be like himーnever to be a hitman like himーeven made me promise not to hurt people.” He closes his eyes. “When I found out he was killed… I was just a kid, but I killed the people who hunted him down. With my past, nowーso much for that promise, I guess…”

Ciel hums and wraps his arm around Ravens, getting somehow even closer to him. “That’s my sob story. If I’m going to trust you, might as well get it all out.”

Raven lets them stay quiet for a moment, wrapped up in each others presence.

“Thank you… for telling me.”

Ciel shrugs. “I just want you to know that, you’re not alone in that pain, I suppose.” Then, after a moment, “Just because I spilled all that out doesn’t mean you have to. It’s okay if you don’t want to say anymore than you already have.”

Raven squeezes Ciels hand. “...Maybe… Maybe another time.”

“That’s fine.”

They watch the water together in silence. Raven tries to process everything that’s been said. The water is achy and the air feels thin with the scent of fresh grass. It’s familiar and not.

“Hey… Why’d you run off? You could’ve talked to me…” Ciel asks, lifting his head up to look at Raven.

“Ah, er. I didn’t want to burden you. I didn’t think you’d wake up…”

Ciel shakes his head. “The bed was all cold and empty after you left. I guess it was enough to disturb my sleep.” He pauses, then adds, “I’m glad it did. I don’t want you to be alone like that…”

“It’s not an issue. I’ve done it for years. Getting out, away from things, it helps me. It clears my mind, and doing it alone makes sure it doesn’t bother anyone.” Raven says as if it’s the plainest thing in the world.

“Mmm… Maybe so, but… I love you, you know. It wouldn’t bother me.” Ciel says, soft, almost a whisper.

‘I love you, you know.’ ‘I love you.’ ‘I love you.’ His tone so gentle, so genuine, repeating itself in Ravens mind, knowing it was directed at him, that it was meant wholly and truly…

Raven asks, pensively, “May I kiss you?” and Ciel dons a sleepy smile, nodding.

So he does, and it is safe, and it is comfortable, and he is most certainly home.

Ciel says, “I’m very glad I met you,” and nuzzles into Ravens neck, and Raven melts.

“And I you.” Raven pulls Ciel closer to him, arm around his waist.

“I want… I want to be there for you, like you have been for me,” Raven mumbles into Ciels hair. “I am not… particularly… good with emotions, mine or others. But, I… you deserve the same compassion you’ve given to me.” He seems to stumble over his words, as if finding a rocky path through a river.

Ciel smiles. “Aww, you’re a sweetheart.” Raven looks almost shocked, and he laughs. “But, really… It’s enough just to be with you.” He tips his head up towards Raven. “It’s wonderful. I couldn’t ask for anything more.”

‘I don’t deserve you,’ flits through Ravens mind. ‘I don’t deserve such love, such care,’ he almost says it, the words dyeing his lips and then seeping in. He decides against it. Ciel shivers out loud and Raven pulls him closer.

“I’m… sorry for making you come out here in the middle of the night. We should get back inside, you’ll get sick.”

Ciel laughs at him. “I’m not that fragile, you know. But… yeah, I would like to get back in the warm house.” He shifts up to kiss Ravens cheek, and he almost doesn’t register Ciels next words from surprise. “Mm, but you’re so warm. Like a heater.”

“Let's go home,” says Raven, softer than anything else he's said tonight, and half-carries Ciel back to his bed.

The night is still cold, but Raven feels a warm fireplace in his chest that outmatches all of it.

...

By the time they get home, Ciel has shifted from walking beside Raven, holding his hand, to being near-asleep leaning against his side, with Raven having to nudge him alert every now and then.

He attempts to get in the doors as quietly as possible, and without disturbing the man half-asleep on his shoulder. He briefly forgets where the bedroom is, but he eventually finds it and nudges the door open with his foot and helps him into bed, where he goes still almost immediately.

It was… calming, somewhat, to watch him fall into sleep so easily. Knowing he could keep Ciel safe, and he could be that comfortable around him… It was good. Perhaps… he was capable of loving him as he deserved, perhaps he was capable of more than hurt.

He slips into the bed after him, and this time, lets himself lay close to Ciel, soaking up his warmth like a cat on a windowsill.

Maybe… Just maybe, he was allowed this happiness.