#hopefully this all made sense? and thanks so much for giving like actually medical opinions

[thinkin-bout-milgram]

Hello! I wanted to talk about Shidou's new music video with someone, and it seems like you have a bit of interest in the series haha.

I also wanted to say your analysis for his new video is very very good! I just wanted to come at it as someone from the health industry.

I am currently in medical school, which probably informs a lot of my opinions on Shidou. Initially, when I thought he was a literal organ stealer, I was adamant he should be voted guilty. However, after this video I am less sure.

So I agree 100% with the idea that his family was in an accident with him the only survivor, but I think that his child was the one to survive, and he was getting organs for his child from dying patients. I also have a feeling that his wife's dying wish was to keep their child alive in some sense, which would lead to his fervor in getting organs for him. I'm inclined to think that it was specifically a heart problem, which would force him to take another patient's life to use that organ.

My reasons for this:

Pomegranates (and fruits in general) are a pretty obvious symbol in this MV for an organ, and I think a heart specifically because of:

The way the pomegranate is demarcated is very much like a heart in a diagram:

You can see the demarcations of the chambers, with the stem of the pomegranate even resembling an aorta, and the seeds remind me of red blood cells. This could be a reach, but I thought it was too specific to not point out. Of course, there are more fruits in the shot, so there were probably other organs that his son needed, but a heart is a tricky one to get, let alone replace.

Finally, the reason I think the son is getting the organs is this portion of the video:

He's giving the tag from the fruits to his son, which, I think is pretty indicative of giving the organs to his son. The appearance of so many tags later in the video indicate that he has used a lot of people for their organs. The same sort of imagery appeared in his first video with the toe tags raining around him.

I also think that he was ultimately unsuccessful in saving his son, with the dying flowers imagery and all around, and the most indicative portion of the video being:

This image at the end, when the phone is once again having dial tones. This is a QRS complex:

Which is what you see on heart monitors in hospitals. In the end, the dial tone sounds out a long tone, showing that the person who's heart that was representing, is now stopped for good.

Overall, I think that this, and the previous video, indicate Shidou desperately trying to save his family (specifically his son(s)) by taking other people's organs, whether it was on purpose by botching a surgery or forcing his family up on the transplant list, which would mean other people who need organs would end up dying. It was ultimately unsuccessful, which means he would have used those people for nothing (I feel the latter is more likely, but only because it's more interesting to me).

I also think that he knew it would most likely wouldn't work. I don't have a direct reason for this, but if a person needs so many organ transplants, specifically with the heart...

He obviously feels incredibly guilty about this, I would too. I would think I should be guilty if this happened to me. That doesn't make it right, and if there were no other implications to it, I would vote him guilty. (This may have to do with being in healthcare and not being put in his position, though...)

There is the problem with him being necessary for the other prisoners, however. He is needed, no matter what he feels, so he must be voted innocent to continue his work. Towards the end of the video, he is coming to terms with that no matter how much he deserves a guilty verdict, he has to be innocent in order to keep helping the others, which is what a doctor is supposed to do. He did wrong in the past, he knows that, but he has a chance to make up for it here and now.

Anyways! I think Shidou is much more morally grey than I first anticipated. He did what he did to try to save his family, which was very immoral and he knows that. He feels guilty (which he should!), but he has a chance for redemption. I believe he is on the path to learning from his mistakes, but that does not absolve him for what he's done.

Hi! This is some great analysis, thanks so much for sending it in!

I definitely think it's possible that it's one of his sons and not his wife, which is why I added the note in my initial. I was commenting on the drop on YouTube and someone said that the receipt from Throwdown was marked for XX and not XY.

That's what it looks like to me? Though I don't know how these get filled out, it's definitely possible that the fact that there's writing on the XY at all indicates that it is XY.

In either case, I don't personally believe that Shidou was in the accident as well. I think that he probably just heard about it after the fact.

Update, though: the "phone call" is actually Shidou's voicemail, indicating he didn't pick up. That, combined with the shot in Triage at 1:57, indicates to me that he might've had a chance to say goodbye or something, but that he didn't take it. That's what the guilt feels like to me here, with him collapsed at what seems like it may be an empty bed?

Either way, he for sure has a lot of survivor's guilt. The line "in that case, I should have been the one" basically flat out says that.

Heart problems definitely seem viable. At the very least, I suspect that you're right that it was a problem (it's possible whoever was dying had a lot going on medically, and that might help account for how many organs he needed to take).

I want to challenge the idea that he thought it wouldn't work. I don't think he thought it through logically and necessarily thought, logically, that he could do it. I think that he was in pretty strong denial over losing his entire family, so he convinced himself he could still save them.

There's a lot of god references/imagery in Shidou's stuff. Both his audio dramas are named after gods, and the pomegranate and flower imagery links him pretty heavily to the Greek myth of Hades and Persephone.

Additionally, a lot of lyrics in Throwdown seem to indicate that he believes he's going to succeed.

"I will finally be saved once it becomes true"

"I don't feel scared because I don't know"

These, and especially the second one, indicate to me that he might have been lying to himself and convincing himself that it was still possible. He couldn't feel scared about it because he didn't allow himself to know the possible outcome.

There's also his cover. I know that the Milgram devs have said that the covers are just for fun, but I mean, come on. It's called Delusion Tax. As in, the people he killed trying to save his loved one are the tax he had to pay for being delusional and believing he actually had a chance to save them. That's why I think he believed, at least in the moment, that he could save them. Not logically, but because if he didn't believe that, he would have nothing left.

And yeah, I definitely agree that Shidou is very morally gray. I've been assuming this from the beginning, basically. I always thought that characters' crimes would trend more morally gray over time to complicate the verdict decision. Shidou's seemed too horrifying in terms of how many people he killed, so I figured they'd ease it up. Between it being seemingly confirmed that he only took organs from braindead patients and the fact that he is so willing to make amends and accepts responsibility, it seems like Shidou is in a point where people could definitely at least consider redeeming him.

And I totally respect if people don't! He broke a lot of rules and he did a lot of awful things. But no matter what you believe about his end verdict, I maintain that innocent is the right move right now. He's needed to save the lives of others, and calling him guilty now would just ruin any progress we've made with him. The final verdict comes later. For now, we need Shidou alive and capable.

[borat123]

Analysis Pro NH Anti NS

Naruto Manga Part 2

Part 13 Finale

The reanimated Minato appears on the battlefield. He asks Naruto out of the blue, if the girl healing him is his girlfriend. Naruto’s reaction to this is actually very flat and careless. He hesitates and fumbles his words, then he falsesly agree and says ”if you’re splitting hairs, i guess”. The defintion of splitting hairs is and i quote: to make often peevish criticisms or objections about matters that are minor, unimportant, or irrelevant.

So clearly Naruto doesn’t even remotly see her in a romantic light. Not that he ever did, his ”crush” on her was only a side effect of the rivalry with Sasuke. He only noticed her because she actively tried her best to get noticed by Sasuke and made herself as pretty as possible. And Naruto being the goof that he is, saw the biggest Sasuke fangirls attempt at getting his attention and got jealous of Sasuke and tried to get her attention instead of Sasuke so that he could be better than Sasuke at something.

Anyway Sakura becomes furious and immediatly punches Naruto (in the middle of healing him by the way) and he comments on how she’s supposed to heal him and that he’s suffered more damage now because of her (honestly if anything they are more like two siblings quarrelling).

Then Minato out of the blue just like his stupid girlfriend comment compares Sakura to Kushina. But he actually looks embarrassed that she resembles her not so positive side. Kushina obviously has her loving, caring and ambitious side and he certaintly doesn’t compare her to that, but only her temper (that sooo many girls share in Naruto by the way it’s not exactly a unique trait). Minato looks embarrased and nervously laughs and then says somewhat sarcastically ” i leave my son in you’re capable hands”.

So he doesn’t actually supports them as a couple as some have claimed. Naruto later tells him that he hasn’t found a girlfriend and he accepts that and supports him.

Naruto thanks Sakura for healing him and then tells her to rest. He doesn’t actually see her as a capable kunoichi and he never really believed in her strength. Compare this to how he treats Sasuke or Hinata where he willingly invites them into battle with him and it becomes blatantly clear that Naruto doesn’t respect her. Besides Sakura even comments on how he only sees her as a damsel in distress and she’s not exactly wrong.

The first thing Naruto thinks about when he sees Sakura’s new super strength is how she’s gonna ”turn him into a stain” if he makes her angry. Her physical abuse on him has obviously had an lasting effect if that’s the first thing he comes up with. Compare this to Sasuke’s reaction where he smirks proudly instead.

We get another perspective of Naruto’s and Hinata’s hand holding where we see Naruto squeeze her hand harder and him smiling at her. We also have more foreshadowing of Naruto and Hinata’s future relationship. She notes she wants to stay beside Naruto forever, while remembering Naruto, she is able to not only complete the Eight Trigrams Sixty-Four Palms, but also combine it with Gentle Step Twin Lion Fists.

Naruto is later at the verge of death and Sakura uses her role as a medic Ninja to try and save him. She talks about how his unbeliveable dream is just around the corner and also does CPR on him (which a lot of people confuse with a kiss for some reason, i guess they’re either stupid or desperate for anything remotely close to NaruSaku). Besides it feels a lot more like Sakura is desperate to save her friend, who is much more like a brother to her than a romantic partner. Honestly the girl has been horny for Sasuke most of her life so why would that suddenly change just because she tries desperatly to save her friend who she only has nothing but platonic feelings towards.

When Naruto’s saved he doesn’t even thank her and just says ”lets go”. The depth honestly astounds me!

Later Sakura performs a very wise decision of rushing straight towards Madara with no plan or warning of her ingenious plan. This is very similar to when she decided to come back and stab Sasuke when he fought Kakashi. Typical case of narcissism, thinking she’s hot shit and can do everything herself even though Sasuke and Naruto (her much stronger teammates) saved her sorry ass. Naruto and Sasuke then help her and she doesn’t even thank Naruto for saving her and only despairs over Sasuke not caring. Naruto barely reacted at all to her getting stabbed. Compare this to when Hinata got stabbed when he went bat shit crazy and almost transformed into the Nine Tails.

Hinata is put under the Infinite Tsukuyomi and mentally calls out for Naruto...

And Naruto hears her mental call! In his protective nature he almost ran out of the Susanoo, leaving Team 7 behind. He is only just stopped by Sasuke. Let me really talk about this here, not only could he hear her mental call, but he also had no hesitation to rush out to save her even though he would leave Team 7, his ”family” behind. I mean hearing mental calls and seeing emotions through eyes, that’s some next level shit honestly!

This sort of validate the idea that Naruto and Hinata are connected. Both Naruto and Hinata constantly use words the other has said (for example Hinata says his Ninja way and Naruto makes a refrence to being ”selfish” earlier in the war. There are so many parallels between them that i cant list them all here). They also understand each others hardships, how they are both ”proud failures” who work hard to change themselves. They are kindred spirits. They both admire and respect each others will to never give up and that’s also ironically why they both start falling for each other. We know how in Naruto people are connected through blood, for example with the summoning jutsu. Naruto’s blood vow to Hinata was him sealing that connection between them.

Inside the Infinite Tsukuyomi, Hinata dreams of being with Naruto, while Neji and Hanabi watch. Which, incidentally, also discards claims that she cared nothing for Neji because apparently her greatest dreams was being with Naruto and Neji being alive.

Interesting how they show Hinata in this panel as it could be viewed as an in direct reference to Naruto’s and Hinata’s relationship and past.

We see Naruto and Hinata standing very close to each other at Neji’s funeral. It was implied that they actually got really close after the war. Hinata is also seen crying at Neji’s funeral so that debunks stupid claims of her not ”caring”. Honestly he was like a brother too her, of course she would care?! What’s wrong with people?

Besides i think that it’s very likely that the Last could have worked to be set shortly after the war. Both Naruto and Hinata have shown (atleast for me) that they both love each other and that they are ready for a relationship. But at the same time, Naruto, even though he’s matured a whole lot compared to the start of Part 2 is still oblivous to real romantic love, even though he has shown signs of it towards Hinata. That he thinks Hinata and Ramen are the same thing is actually somewhat believable since he confuses his love for her with his childhood comfort food that has brought him happiness. It’s actually a very Naruto thing in my opinion.

So it still makes sense to be set 2 years after, the characters need to mature and be older sure, but it defiantly could have worked earlier.

Anyway that will be all for these analyses. It was a lot of fun to write these and hopefully you learned something new by reading them. Hopefully this brought some new light towards NH and also some depth as to why NS was always a crack ship.

Naruto and Hinata’s relationship is something that had always interested me since the start. Actually NH moments in Part 1 are my prefered subject and i wouldn’t mind maybe doing analyses on them too. Thanks for reading!

Here are all the previous parts:

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12

[my-writings-and-musings]

congrats and filling out all those requests! hopefully the tumblr inbox doesn't eat this one while the new requests are flooding in ;)

i love hearing different writers opinions on things like this, so for ratchet, rodimus, and swerve, what's their favorite thing about their human s/o? it can be qualities, or even physical traits-- it's up to you! i hope this ask made sense, thanks 😊

Thanks!!

Ohoho let's see what our lover bots think...

Ratchet

Though it's a little funny considering he's a medic, Ratchet truly does love for what's on the inside, because he knows at the end of the day we're all just moving parts of various shapes and sizes. It's with this mindset that he comes to favor his tiny partner's passions. Whatever you're invested in, he just wants to hear you talk about it. Commitment to a craft or a cause may be beyond him if he doesn't see the appeal, but he still wants to hear why you love it the way you do, and he's especially driven to see you progress in it. You doing the same for him will bring a smile to his face every time, because he's accustomed to going unnoticed in his profession. But being with someone who knows how hard he tries and doesn't just stay because they're sick... Well, it makes his spark skip a beat or two.

Rodimus

Anyone with eyes can see that Rodders enjoys living life a bit on edge, but he really appreciates the small things too, and it's because of that he loves your ability to enjoy the little things in life. Whether it's the new polish he's using or a different decal on his board, he'll absolutely melt when you praise small things he's changed or trying out. Part of why he goes so hard in his adventures is because no one notices details. Thus, with you, he's actually able to go slow and not feel like he's going to be overlooked. Hearing you remark on small things you've noticed in the crew could occupy him for hours on end, and it has on more than one occasion.

Swerve

Ever struggling with feelings of loneliness and inadequacy, the barkeep of the Lost Light could say many things about the person to bring joy into his life are his favorite, but one feature does indeed stand out. Swerve can't comprehend it, but you make him want to be better. Something about being with you just gives him the drive he needs to face the inner feelings that have always plagued him. Maybe it's your own incredible resilience, or how you motivate others so naturally, or perhaps it's just how you're so all around brilliant he wants to make life brighter for both your sakes. For the first time, he's acknowledging his exceptional intelligence and sharing his gifts more freely, all thanks to you. Every day he works hard, and those nasty little voices get a little easier to ignore, and your pride at his progress only makes him that much more intent on being who he wants to be.

[katsubiatch]

Hopelessly Devoted-2

Warnings: Bar Shenanigans, Alcohol consumption, descriptions of medical events

Authors Note: I'm so sorry it took me so long to get this out! I have a 11 month old and a full time job, plus we recently found out so bad news about my father in laws health so I've been taking time for family. However now this is finally out I hope everyone likes it and I've already started working on the next part which I can hopefully get out soon. Thank you to everyone who has stuck around!! Also just a note at the start of each chapter, not sure how many there will be, I am going to add in a part that will tie later into the story!

Pain. Indescribable pain soaked into each part of your body, molding into each crack and crevice. You thought you were screaming but you couldn't quite tell. When your ryes finally opened the bright white lights almost blinded you. There was a flurry of activity around you, people moving, your body parts being moved and needles poking into you. "You're alright, it's going to be okay. Just breath for me, okay Y/N?" You heard to your left, and your head felt heavy as you looked over to a familiar face of one of your coworkers. She looked like she was going to cry. Then you heard some familiar words that usually meant bad news. "Pressures are dropping, we need to get an ultrasound. She might be having internal bleeding!"

There were a few words that you wanted to get out, but your tongue felt thick and sluggish. Your brain not working as quickly as you would like but soon you were fading back into that black nothingness where there was no pain and you could rest. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One date lead to two, two to three and so on. The last thing you expected was to be exclusively dating a pro hero. Especially not such a controversial pro hero who was explosive both literally and emotionally. You hadn't really kept up with pros before but since you started dating Dynamight, or Katsuki as you were now able to call him, you noticed him in more and more interviews and managed to catch him on the news more often than you ever had before. He was... sweet and kind when he wanted to be, but he was also brash and rude at times. You were able to see past that most of the time. You took it in stride, brushed off his comments that weren't meant to be rude but came off that way. He showed his love and appreciation in strange ways, and you just had to decipher it.

Of course your relationship was kept out of the news, quiet and secret. You didn't mind too much, after all you were not about fame and wanting people to know your name. Katsuki said that it was safer that way, no villain's would come after you to get to him. You wouldn't be under constant threat of being kidnapped or killed. Besides it also kept your name out of the tabloids and gossip columns with people speculating on who you were and if you were just with Katsuki because of his fame or money. However there were a few people he wanted to let in on the secret.

You were currently sitting at the same bar you'd met at, sipping at your drink while Katsuki sat next to you and peeled the label off his beer bottle. It was hard to tell when he was anxious but this was a safe assumption that he was at least a little nervous. You were going to be meeting his friends, ones from high school that he'd managed to stay in touch with. Though you were sure that was mostly because they all pretty much worked together as pros. "Don't be so nervous. I'm sure it will be fine." You rolled your eyes, moving to place your hands around his, stilling them as you looked up at him. "I'm pretty sure I've met most of them before at the hospital. So I mean.. I already slightly know them." You shrugged and went back to your drink. The coolness from the ice a stark contrast to the warmth of Katsuki's hands. "It's not that... they're just idiots and they'll probably drive you away. I mean they're a lot to handle." That was an understatement but Y/N wasn't worried. If his friends were too much she could always excuse herself for a few minutes. Besides how bad could they be? "Don't worry about that, I'm sure there isn't anything they could say that would keep me away from you." You smiled, leaning over to place a kiss against Bakugou's lips, which caused him to become flustered and turn a shade of pink. He wasn't a huge fan of PDA so you didn't often push but he indulged you sometimes.

"Uh oh, Bakubro caught kissing in public!" A loud voice sounded to he left of you two, causing you to look over at a very energetic blond. You'd seen him quite a few times getting stitched up and flirting with nurses. "Hi, I'm..." He started but trailed off when you interrupted him.

"Denki Kaminari. I've seen you in the ER a few times, you're the one who.. gets kind of dumb when you overuse your quirk, right?" You asked, giving him a smile. "Ooohhh that's rough bro." Another tall man with bright red hair and built like a God in your opinion, and could be none other than.. "Eijiro Kirishima, nice to meet you." "Okay that's enough small talk!" Bakagou grumbled as he looked over at the three of you, causing you to laugh a touch. "Where are Pinky and Plain face?" He inquired. "On their way, got stuck at the office." Kaminari pouted from his spot at the table. Things went much better than Bakugou could have imagined. You got along with his friends almost too well and he almost regretted introducing you to them. You were tipsy with Mina and Kaminari, and he was sure that the three of you were coming up with a bad idea which you were, and ended up with the three of you absolutely butchering karaoke. But Bakugou didn't care, things felt right and he was glad you got along with his friends.

It was a year into your relationship, and the two of you had moved in together. It wasn't often that you got to spend together. With Bakugou wanting to do everything he could to become number 1 and with your crazy work schedule it just made sense. Some days you only saw each other in passing, or the rare night off you would spend being lazy and sleeping. It wasn't ideal but neither of you would ask the other to give up things. So you took your one or two nights a week that you actually got to sleep next to your boyfriend over nothing, and didn't complain. You didn't complain but things started to turn sour at one point when Bakugou caught you and your coworker standing a bit to close to one another to read a chart. His mind had gone crazy with jealousy and thoughts of you cheating on him. The lack of time spent together drove him crazy and cause a lot of insecurities in him.

"Are you kidding me? I'm cheating on you with Arata? Seriously?" You managed to get out after he finally voice his accusations aloud. You'd just gotten home from a long shift, almost twenty four hours and this was how you were greeted. Bakugou sitting at the kitchen table ready for an interrogation the second you walked in. "I don't know where you got your information or what you think is true but you're wrong." You scoffed, shaking your head and moving to pull your shoes off.

"I'm wrong? Then why is that creep always hanging around you?Every time I'm at the hospital he's standing right next to you." Bakugou was ready for any excuse, anything that you had to say. "Because he's my friend?" You voiced as a question, going about your routine for when you got home from work. Getting dinner, peeling off your scrubs and taking a hot shower. "We work together, and he's my friend. I've never even thought of him like that." You scrunched up your nose, shaking your head and moving towards the bathroom. "Just a friend?" "Yes! Just a friend! He's a doctor in the ER and we work together. Most of the time we're working on the same cases." You shrug starting to undress as you look back over at him. "I promise that we aren't running around the hospital having secret sex rendezvous. It isn't like Grey's Anatomy." You sigh and undo your hair from the bun you'd piled it in halfway through your shift. "Fine, I'll believe you." Bakugou huffed, smiling down at your naked form, his hands moving to your hips. "That's all I ask." You beam up at him, pulling at the bottom of his shirt, "Mmm now why don't you join me in the shower?" Little didn't you know that this wouldn't be the last time you had this conversation.

[grantyort]

Prelude IV: Relight

Post-Surgery: DAY ONE

[Sean sits in the hospital bed, legs crossed, staring into space when he hears a familiar voice.]

Joey: Sean, Sean Diaz? Well damn. I never thought I’d see your sorry ass again!

Sean: Geez Joey. Is that how you talk to all your patients?

Joey: Just the ones I like.

[Sean chuckles]

Joey: C’mere big man.

[Joey gives Sean a big bear hug]

Sean: How’ve you been Joey?

Joey: Can’t complain. These days, they got me up in hospice care. You’re probably the first person I’ve seen today that didn’t need their bedpans changed.

Sean: Sounds terrible.

Joey: It’s all not all bad. Lot of these folks have stories that you wouldn’t believe. One of my patients has lived through five wars and two depressions, tells me I’m a credit to my race.

Sean: Yeesh.

Joey: (shrugs) She means well. It’s almost flattering compared to some of the stuff I’ve heard. Been on this job almost ten years now, some people still treat me like I have no idea what I’m doing.  

Sean: That sucks Joey.

Joey: Yeah... Anyway, you seem to be doing pretty well for yourself. From what I heard, this procedure cost a small fortune. You must have friends in high places.

Sean: Yeah, something like that.

Joey: And no guard at the door this time. I assume everything got cleared up with the police? Not planning to make a break for it again are ya?

Sean: Nah, no daring escapes this time.

Joey: Good. I don’t think I’d survive another blow to the head.

Sean: Listen Joey I’m really sorry-

Joey: (laughs) Relax Sean! I’m just messing with you! It’s ancient history as far as I’m concerned. Say, did you ever end up finding that brother of yours?

Sean: Yeah. He’s actually coming to visit me tomorrow.

Joey: Can’t wait to meet him!

Sean: Famous last words.

Joey: So… what you been up to these days?

Sean: Mostly just cramming for the SATs, drawing, listening to music. Normal teenage shit.

Joey: That’s good to hear. I was worried about you man. You went AWOL after the hospital. I got police and Feds breathing down my neck for weeks. Then a month later, I hear about a couple of kids trying the border to Mexico on the news.

Sean: Sorry I never reached out. I just didn’t want to get you more involved than you already were-

Joey: You made the right call. They questioned me for hours. My apartment was filled with G-men, my girlfriend was freaked. I honestly thought she was going to dump my ass.

Sean: I’m really sorry Joey.

Joey: Don’t sweat it Sean, it was for a good cause. Besides, everything worked out in the end.

Sean: Yeah I noticed, how long have you been-

Joey: Almost a year now. We’re expecting our first baby in the summer.

Sean: Congratulations dude!

Joey: Thanks, but honestly, I’m kinda nervous, don’t think I’m ready to be a father.

Sean: You’ll be a great dad, Joey. You’re awesome at taking care of people.

Joey: You’re damn right. Speaking of which, we should probably take a look at that eye of yours.

[Joey takes off the bandage and gives Sean’s eye a thorough examination]

Joey: Well it looks a helluva lot better than the last time I saw it.

Sean: That’s good to hear. I wasn’t sure it would work.

Joey: Well it’s too early to say if your vision will fully recover. But at the very least you won’t have to walk around with a patch anymore.

Sean: Good. It’s hard enough finding a prom date let alone one that’s willing to go with a pirate.

Joey: Still with the pirate jokes huh? Hopefully, you’ll have to write some new material after this.

[Joey applies a new bandage on Sean’s eye]

Joey: And you’re all set. Now as much as I love our talks, I gotta make my rounds. Buzz me if you need me.

Sean: Later Joey.

Joey: See ya tomorrow Sean.

 [Joey leaves the room. Sean turns to look out the window. The door shoots open, and a small figure comes bursting in.]

Daniel: Sean! 

[He jumps onto the bed and into Sean’s arms]

Stephen: (out-of-breath) Sorry, I tried to stop him, but he outran me.

Sean: You okay Stephen?

Stephen: I am… just need a minute to catch my breath. The old ticker ain’t what it used to be- I need to sit down.

Daniel: Take it easy grandpa.

Sean: What are you doing here, enano? I wasn’t expecting you guys until tomorrow.

Daniel: I made grandpa book an earlier flight. I just couldn’t wait! 

[he hugs Sean again]

Sean: Haha easy. I just had surgery, remember?

Daniel: Oh right, s-sorry.

[There’s a brief flash, followed by a shutter click]

Sean: What’re you doing, gramps?

Stephen: Oh nothing, just commemorating the moment. Thanks to your brother, I finally got the hang of this newfangled smartphone camera.

Daniel (whispering): He had it stuck on selfie mode for days. Anyway, did it go? Is your eye…

Sean: I mean… it’s not 100% yet but I can sort of see again.

Daniel: T-that’s awesome! Can I see it?

Sean: Dude last time I showed you my eye, you almost cried. Besides, the doctors say I still need to keep the bandage on for a bit, while it heals.

Daniel: Right. That makes sense. Oooh this room looks cool. Do they have Netflix or a Playbox?

Sean: It’s a hospital, dude.

Daniel: Lame.

Sean: So catch me up. Did I miss anything interesting at home?

Daniel: Nah… Chris is still on that fishing trip with his dad so there’s no one to hang out with. Oh I almost forgot. He made you this card. Isn’t it awesome?

[Daniel gives Sean a hand-drawn “get-well-soon” card from Chris]

Sean: Yeah. It’s pretty cool. We can have Claire put it up when we get back.

Daniel: Grandma’s still in that feud with the lady from church.

Sean: Which one was that again?

Daniel: Agnes, the one who gives off major Lisbeth-vibes. She says grandma stole her casserole recipe for the church bake-sale. Lying bitch.

Stephen: Language!

Sean: Maybe one of us should try to smooth things over before it gets nasty.

Stephen: Hell hath no fury… lemme tell ya. I’ve been married to your grandmother long enough to know once that woman sets her mind on something… there’s no stopping her. Best to just let things run their course.

Sean: Claire can get a little… passionate sometimes. But I don’t think I’ve ever seen her lose her temper for real.

Stephen: There’s a fire in that woman. It’s part of the reason I married her. Just pray she never turns it on you. I hope I’ll never live to see that day, god willing.

[Sean notices Daniel circling the hospital bed, pressing his hand on various parts of the mattress]

Sean: (laughs) What are you doing, enano?

Daniel: Just trying to figure which side of the bed I want to sleep on tonight.

Sean: Dude. There’s no way this bed’s gonna fit both of us.

Daniel: The one in Mom’s trailer was way smaller!

Sean: Yeah well… you were a lot smaller back then.

Stephen: They have a nice area for visitors down the hall.

Daniel: But I want to stay with Sean!

Sean: I guess I could ask Joey to bring in a couch or something.

Daniel: Who’s Joey?

Sean: The nurse who took care of me after the accident. I told you about him, remember?

Daniel: Oh right! I can’t wait to meet him!

 DAY TWO

Joey: How are we doing today? Any headaches, dizziness, socket pain?

Sean: Nah it’s all good. Still getting used to having depth perception again. It’s kinda weird.

Joey: You’ll get used to it. Anything else to report?

Sean: Nothing major. I’ve just been having some really weird dreams.

Joey: We have a psychiatrist on-site if you need a professional to talk to.

Sean: Nah it’s alright, probably just the drugs messing with my brain.

Joey: Well your vitals look good. We’ll go over some basic tests. You know the drill.

(Sean covers his right eye and tries to read the chart. Joey then shines a light and asks him to follow along. Finally, he asks Sean to put the cap back on the pen.)

Joey: You passed with flying colors. The doctor will be in for a final exam tomorrow and then we can discharge you.

Sean: (sarcastically) Too bad, I was ready to become the first Mexican pirate to attend college. So much for being a trailblazer.

Joey: Good to see you haven’t lost that snarky-ass sense of humor.

Joey: Anyway, I’m taking my lunch now. Want me to get you anything from the cafeteria? Wait… don’t tell me. Chocolate pecan?

Sean: You know it.

Joey: I met your brother in the hall. Cute kid.

Sean: (deadpans) Give it a few days. Then see if you get a “second opinion.”

Joey: He does seem a little… “energetic”. But that’s normal for kids his age.

Sean: Yeah one minute I’m his favorite person in the world. The next, he’s off doing God knows what, and doesn’t want me “bossing him around”. You know how it is.

Joey: Can’t say I do. Grew up in a house with three older sisters. Guess I must have been the annoying one. Daniel’s lucky to have you looking out for him. Must be tough sometimes.

Sean: Oh you have no idea.

[Joey claps Sean’s shoulder, he feels a jolt shooting up his spine, everything goes white] 

(Sean sees a door marked: “Miranda A. Connolly, Hospital Director”)

Connolly: You’ve been a valuable asset to this hospital. Stellar feedback from all of your patients and attendings.

Joey: I sense a “but” coming.

Connolly: But, given the dubious circumstances surrounding your transfer and your past involvement with the law. The Board thinks it might be better for one of the other nurses to take this spot.

Joey: Please. I’ve got a kid on the way. We just bought our first house. Can you at least consider bumping up my pay? I haven’t gotten a real raise since I started here. There are kids coming out of nursing school that make what I make!

Connolly: The hospital has limited resources as it is, and the State just slashed our funding again. I just can’t justify raising anyone’s salary right now.

Joey: I break my back for this hospital, work extra shifts, get to know the patients. You promised me at the annual review that I’d-

Connolly: That was before this new information came to light. I’m sorry Joseph, maybe next year.

[Sean snaps out of his trance]

Joey: Sean? Sean are you okay?

Sean: Sorry, Guess I spaced out. Must just be the medication.

Joey: I can have the doctor come by and adjust your dosage.

Sean: I’m fine Joey. I swear. Weren’t you about to take lunch?

Joey: Oh right. We’ll pick this up later.

[Joey leaves the room, looking slightly puzzled.]

Sean: (thinking) W-what what was that? A dream? But It felt so… real.

[Sean takes out his phone and enters the name of the hospital, He finds their website. Under the ‘About’ section he scrolls to the Executive team bio. There is a photo of the woman he saw in the vision followed by a small blurb]

“Miranda A. Connolly is the President and Chief Director of Mt. Cedar General Hospital. She was appointed back in 2016 as Associate Director and has since made ground-breaking changes to the field of medicine and medical care. Under her leadership, this hospital was able to expand greatly, hiring new diverse staff members and vastly improving quality of care for all its patients.”

Sean: (thinking) Holy shit… it’s real. Does that mean I…?

Daniel: Hey Sean! What you looking at?

Sean: Dude! Don’t sneak up on me like that!

Daniel: I wasn’t sneaking. I was practicing my stealth!

Sean: Yeah sure.

Daniel: Are you looking at the new Playbox Pro? My birthday is right around the corner you know.

Sean: Birthday? It’s still January!

Daniel: Never too early to start preparing.

Sean: (rolling eyes) Yeah cuz everything’s always about you.

Daniel: Oooh I bet you were watching those dirty videos again. I’m tellin’ grandpa!

Sean: Hey hands off my phone you little-

[Daniel tries to grab Sean’s phone. Sean wrests his hand away. There is another a jolt]

[Daniel stands in front of the vending machine, staring at the jumbo chock-o-crisp. He looks around to check that the coast is clear. Then he waves his hand causing the chock-o-crisp to fall off the rack and into the dispenser slot.He gleefully retrieves it and devours the candy bar in a matter of seconds]

Sean: Dude, I told you not to eat any more chock-o-crisps! Do you want another trip to the dentist?

Daniel: What are you talking about? I haven’t had one in weeks!

Sean: Yeah sure. So you didn’t pig out at the vending machine before coming in here?

Daniel: How did you-

Sean: Maybe I have magic powers or maybe… you’ve still got crumbs on your collar.

Daniel: Aw, damn it. Promise you won’t tell grandpa.

Sean: Oh so you can tell on me but I can’t tell on you?

Daniel: (smugly) Exactly.

Sean: C’mere ya little shit!

Daniel: Sean stop! Ha that tickles. Quit it!

(After their little bout, Daniel curls up next to Sean, resting his head on Sean’s lap. Sean ruffles Daniel’s hair absentmindedly)

Sean: You ever wish you were… you know “normal” again?

Daniel: You mean not have my powers? Nah. They’re a part of me now. Besides, being normal is overrated.

Sean: (chuckles) I guess it is. But do you ever get that feeling like you thought you wanted something for a really long time but when you finally get it, it nothing like you thought it’d be?

Daniel: Uhhh… you mean like how I begged grandma to get me a PlayBox Live Subscription, but then the exclusives turned out to be shit? And now I have to act like I love it?

Sean: Yeah something like that.

Daniel: (yawns) Meh I’ll just ask for a gaming PC for my birthday.

Sean: Dude you’re like the greediest ten year-old I know.

Daniel: How many ten year-olds do you know?

Sean: Uh… just you and Chris.

Daniel: So, you want me to be more like Chris?

Sean: Wouldn’t hurt.

Daniel: (imitating Chris) “Only the purest of hearts may wield the power of Captain Spirit!”

Sean: Guess that rules you out.

Daniel: (playfully) Shut up.

DAY THREE

Doctor: Okay Mr.Diaz. I want you to follow the light. Look to your right, up and to the right. Good, good, excellent pupil response.  Now look at the chart, cover your right eye and read this line.

Sean: Uh… A, O, E, P… T? Sorry I can’t really make out the last one.

Doctor: That’s okay, it takes time.

Doctor: Now this is probably the last thing you want to hear, but I recommend that you wear a patch over your right eye. It’ll be temporary of course, just until you learn to see with your left eye again.

Sean: (laughs dryly) And here I thought my seafaring days were behind me.

Doctor: You know… pirate actually wore patches so their eyes could easily adjust to the darkness and see below deck- Sorry my son’s going through a pirate phase.

Sean: I know the feeling. My little brother’s been through every phase imaginable.

Doctor: Kids, you gotta treasure every moment. Because before you know it, they’ll be all grown up, ready to go off on their own. Look at me, rambling on. Anyway, I signed your discharged papers. They’ll schedule you for some outpatient care in the coming months.You’re almost ready to go. 

Sean: Sounds good.

Doctor: And you’re sure you don’t want to get do something about that nasty scar? A good-looking kid like you, it would be a shame to-

Sean: That’s okay, I think I’ll keep it… as a reminder.

Doctor: Alright but if you ever change your mind, I could refer you to a great plastic surgeon.

Sean: Thanks Doc, for everything.

Doctor: The pleasure’s all mine, Mr.Diaz. The groundwork we laid here could help hundreds of other patients in the future. We are making history. Your nurse should be along in a moment to help you get discharged.

[Sean sits in quiet contemplation. Reflecting on his dreams and new “vision”]

Sean (thinking): Be careful what you wish for... 

Joey: Looks like everything’s good to go. Remember to use your eye-drops-

Sean: Twice a day. Yeah Joey, I know.

Joey: Guess it’s goodbye again. Don’t be a stranger this time okay?

Sean: I won’t.

Joey: Here’s my number. Call me if ever need professional advice or just want to shoot the shit.

Sean: Thanks Joey. Let me know how everything goes with the baby.

Joey: Oh don’t you worry about that. Soon I’ll be blowing up your phone with pictures.

Sean: Haha can’t wait.

Joey: Now hospital policy says I gotta wheel your ass outta here. For liability reasons.

Sean: At least it’ll be a smoother exit than last time.

Joey: (laughs) Get in the chair smart-ass.

Beaver Creek, One Week Later

Sean: Okay, you ready?

Daniel: (takes deep breath) Alright. Show it to me.

Sean: So… how does it look?

Daniel: Looks… normal.

Sean: You almost sound disappointed. Were you expecting a bionic eye or something?

Daniel: No. I just… it looks good. I like the scar; makes you look extra tough.

Sean: You think so?

Daniel: Yeah… totally badass!

Sean: Thanks, enano.

Daniel: You need a new codename, like Scarred Wolf or Deadshot Diaz!

Sean: Let’s leave the nicknames up to Chris.

Daniel: Hey! I make up awesome names too!

Sean: Whatever you say,“Superwolf”

[detroitwhatitmeanstobehuman]

Chapter 10 - The Difference Between Us

Part 10/17 of What it Means to be Human

Word Count: 8226

Warnings: Swearing, bullet wound fixing.

Genre: Self-insert/Hurt/Comfort/Fluff

Pairing: OC (Detective Rachel) X Connor

Rating: Mature

Summary: Returning from the Stratford Tower, Rachel insists without taking any refusal from Connor that she must repair him immediately after he’d been shot by a deviant. Hank helps out as best as he can and he can very clearly see the connection between them, even if they don’t, yet. But the most important thing right now was getting Connor fixed up, so Hank was ready to do whatever Rachel needed him to do to help.

First Chapter | Previous Chapter

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“Just stay in the hallway and let me grab a couple towels.” Rachel ordered Hank and Connor before running off up the stairs on all fours. Yet another strange quirk for her, but Hank couldn’t be bothered to judge her for it. Not when he was still pissed at Connor for not taking him seriously yet again and this time getting hurt. But he was relieved that Connor survived and that he was okay, all things considered.

The short woman quickly returned with a couple white towels and made quick effort to drape one over the back of the large couch and the other on the couch seat next to the other. Letting out an aggressive sigh, Rachel put down the spare RK800 parts on the table and gestured for Connor to sit on the space where the towel was draped on the back of the couch. “Go ahead and sit right there.”

“Rachel, you don’t need -” The android had been protesting like that all day, and not once did Rachel have any of his bullshit.

“Sit!” She ordered, giving him the kind of hard glare that Hank had seen enough times to know not to argue with. The kind he knew meant “get your shit together, or I’ll have to whip you into shape for you, and if you refuse to let me take proper care of you, I will kick your ass.”

Connor seemed to get the message and did as he was told, walking around the couch to take a seat, his back resting against the towel and the other towel at his side. Rachel ran a hand through her hair, pressing her other into her face. “I just texted Bianca to let her know and hopefully she can help me fix you up.” She then turned to her toolset she kept under the table and pulled it up, opening it. “But until she replies back, I’ll have to take a look at the damage. Hank, you can sit on that couch over there.” She gestured to the one to her left closest to the window.

“Gladly.” He huffed, sinking into the chair with a groan. Bear quickly settled beside Hank, sniffing at him, probably catching Sumo’s scent on him. The lieutenant was familiar enough with Rachel to have met Bear enough times. The large black dog simply laid down next to Hank, and he couldn’t help but absentmindedly scratch at the dog’s head gently.

Rachel then turned to Connor, standing over him with her hands on her hips. “Alright, I’m gonna need you to take your jacket and your shirt off.”

Connor was clearly going to object. Fuckin’ son of a bitch never did what he was told. “I don’t think -”

Suddenly Rachel leaned forward, grabbing Connor by the tie, yanking him towards her and pressing her forehead against his, fixing him with another hard glare. “Off. Now.” She ordered, her voice being the kind that Hank knew meant business.

Connor then began complying without question, his LED spinning red for a moment before slowly transitioning to yellow and then back to blue. As Connor began disrobing, Hank couldn’t help but be impressed with how easily Connor obeyed her commands. Despite the fact that Connor never seemed to listen to Hank, much to his increasing frustration, this was one of the moments that Hank was glad that Rachel was assigned on this case with them. She typically didn’t have to assert herself, but whenever she pulled rank, she really pulled rank. Anytime someone got shot, or someone needed backup, Rachel had no problems getting straight to business and picking up everyone’s slack.

Among a lot of things, it was one of the things Hank admired most about Rachel not just as a detective, but as a person.

She then turned around and opened her toolbox, pulling out a strange headgear with several lenses on it and a set of what appeared to be surgical grade tweezers. “Alright, first thing’s first, need to get a look and see if there’s any bullet or bullet pieces lodged in your wound.” Without any warning, she turned around and straddled Connor on the couch, and Hank couldn’t help but immediately avert his gaze and swear under his breath.

Hank suddenly felt very awkward and like he probably shouldn’t be here. The tension that he and practically everyone else noticed between them was already a lot to deal with on cases, but Hank felt like a pervert to be here while Rachel was dealing with this. And he had way too much respect for her to make her uncomfortable like that.

But she was entirely focused on Connor’s wellbeing at the moment and way too pissed at him to really even notice Hank, so he relaxed and just let her do her thing without comment. He knew that she didn’t forget he was there, but she would say something when it was important.

When he looked back, Rachel was laser-focused on the blue bullet wound in Connor’s chest while the poor fucker looked like a deer caught in the headlights, and judging by the red LED, the awkwardness of the position was clearly not lost on him. Rachel then hissed through her teeth and she looked closely at the wound. “Ugh, you are so lucky you can’t feel pain, because that looks really bad.”

“It would’ve been much worse for you.” Connor pointed out, and Rachel blinked in that way she does when something catches her off-guard as she glanced up at him in surprise. “I promised you that I would take extra precaution to ensure my own safety and preservation. But you should be more careful, because if something happens to you, you won’t be able to just get back onto your feet.”

Hank widened his eyes at Connor slightly, quirking an eyebrow at him. The android admitted just earlier today that he basically had a robo-crush on Rachel, even if he didn’t know what exactly that meant or even what his own weird robot feelings even were. But it was strange to hear him actually say it out loud without hesitation.

“Simon wasn’t going to hurt me, Connor.” She said to him. “I would’ve been fine. He was just hiding because he was wounded. That’s all.”

Hank then cocked his head at her curiously. “How do you know its name?” He asked suspiciously.

Rachel’s eyes widened. That was a look Hank recognized instantly. She’s never been a great liar, but she could at least pull off enough of one with a good enough excuse. But that was the face she made when she backed herself into a corner and couldn’t lie her way out of. “You were talking to it.” Connor said, looking down at her. “Weren’t you?”

She then closed her eyes and let out a sigh. “Yes...I was.” She answered, knowing she couldn’t hide from them.

“What did he tell you?” Hank asked. He knew Rachel had a soft spot for these deviants, but so far, her intuition seemed to be on the right track. As much as he hated to admit it, Hank’s perspectives were changing. Part of it was thanks to Rachel and the other was Connor. Rachel’s seemingly unshakable faith in deviants and androids as well as being able to seamlessly put herself in their positions much better than he ever could. And Connor...well, there was a lot about him that didn’t make a lot of sense to Hank, but he did care about Connor. And Connor’s attitudes and even his opinions were changing, too.

And that made Hank start to see things differently, too.

“I tried to get him to tell me anything about who he was with.” She explained, continuing to fish into Connor’s wound. “But...all I got was his name before you showed up.”

Connor sighed. “You still could’ve gotten seriously hurt, Rachel.”

“And you could’ve been killed.” She spat back with. “Also, I’m literally fishing in your chest for bullet pieces. Probably not a good idea to argue with your medic, Connor.”

Hank was sitting there, shaking his head at them. It wasn’t difficult to see that they had a thing for each other. Everyone else in the office (especially Gavin, the asshole) was making jokes about them going to town on each other.

It felt like the lieutenant was the only one who actually saw the care they had towards each other. Before the case, they clearly got along pretty well. As much as it annoyed Hank, they were very similar.

But something changed between them, and Hank could see it. In the Eden Club, something changed in Connor. As if his priorities completely changed. And even if they were too dense to figure it out, they were clearly drawn to each other.

And it made Hank uneasy. Because he knew Rachel’s history. It was what made him actually consider her as a friend at all in the first place. Even Hank wasn’t sure what made him feel comfortable confiding in her about his darkest feelings and moments, but he did. And she returned the favour. They gained an understanding.

And Hank had a real difficulty connecting with others. He wasn’t exactly a gentle or soft guy and was pretty abrasive. Most people didn’t really like him. And as much as he didn’t want to admit it, that fact did make him feel a lot more alone than he already was. Even his wife didn’t stick around for him or Cole, but that was fine.

Until Cole was gone.

And Rachel was a lot of the same. Different, definitely. But they were very similar. So they gained a mutual respect.

And the more Hank was able to actually see her in the field and work with her, the more that respect grew into an admiration and then a genuine connection.

And now, she was the only cop in the whole damn precinct he even considered a friend. And as far as he could tell, the feeling was mutual. Though, for her, it was less of other people just not liking her and more just her shutting herself off from others. It was hard for her to make meaningful connections.

So now that she was so drawn to Connor, an android made for the purpose of hunting deviants...it made Hank uneasy. The thought of her having to suffer another loss like Frank’s was harrowing and uncomfortable. Or worse, Connor completely destroying her by virtue of his very nature.

If there was one thing Hank didn’t want to see, it was Rachel getting her heart broken again. Both because he knew he wouldn’t be able to hold himself back from demolishing Connor, and because he knew she wouldn’t be able to either.

Usually, Rachel was pleasant, goofy, silly, and a bit of a bastard. But she was generally pretty good-natured, if a bit of an angry prickly foulmouth. But hey, so was Hank, so who was he to judge?

But very rarely, he had seen Rachel completely unhinge. And if there was ever a phrase to accurately describe how he felt about something, “scared shitless” was completely accurate. When something makes someone like Rachel, someone who for all her jokes and angry sarcastic remarks, was still a pretty faithful person in regards to other people, completely snap...someone who had so much empathy for others and could turn that empathy off when the situation called for it was someone you did not want to cross.

You might as well say your prayers and hope you don’t end up in Hell.

Hank could only remember three times she had ever snapped. And in hindsight, he knew why now. And the state she ended up leaving her unfortunate victims in was chilling, to say the least.

It made the seasoned lieutenant very thankful to be in her good graces.

So even if Connor deserved it, he would still rather not have to see it. If androids couldn’t feel pain, Rachel would find a way to make them. For Hank, it was just another reminder of how this dark and cruel world that seemed to continue to fester no matter his efforts to make it better continued to taint and rob people of their humanity. 

Even people like Rachel...who had no say in their suffering.

“So, what did you end up seeing?” Rachel asked, snapping Hank out of his dark thoughts. “When you were connected to Simon?”

Connor blinked for a moment, registering her question. “I saw something, in its memory...” He began explaining slowly. “A word...painted on a piece of rusty metal...‘Jericho.’”

Rachel briefly glanced up at Connor. “And that’s it?” She asked.

“Yes.” Connor answered. “I’m sorry...I wish there was more.”

“Don’t worry about it too much, Connor.” Rachel assured him, pulling out a small black object from his wound and placing it on the towel beside them. “Alright, I managed to dig the bullet out.” She said, lifting her headset of lenses from her head and placing it off to the side for a moment, looking over at Hank. “I’m going to check if Bianca’s responded. If she has, Hank, I need you to hold up the phone once we start FaceTiming so that she can see what’s going on and tell me what I should do. Can you do that for me?”

“Sure, I can.” Glad to be of some use, Hank got up from his seat and approached Rachel, simultaneously trying to avoid looking directly at her because of the awkward position she was in that she seemed to either be oblivious to or is completely ignoring.

A moment seemed to pass before Rachel looked back at Hank. “Alright, Bianca’s gonna call in a sec, and I’ll hand you the phone. Just point it at Connor’s wound and follow Bianca’s instructions, got it?”

“Got it.” Hank agreed.

After a moment, the phone started to ring and was answered just as quickly. “Hey, Bianca!” Rachel greeted, Hank leaning over her shoulder.

“Hey!” Bianca greeted back. “Alright, so how’s this gonna work?”

“Hank’s gonna hold you and you tell me if I’m doing this right.” Rachel explained, handing the phone to Hank. “Just hold it and Bianca will tell you to change positions if necessary.

--------

It took a decent length of time for Rachel to finish repairing Connor. Hank’s arm ended up getting tired and he had to switch arms and prop himself on Rachel’s shoulder even though he really would’ve preferred not to be physically close to the awkwardness.

But once she was done, Connor was good as new, the only evidence of any damage being the pile of bloodied parts on the towel next to them and the bloodstains on the towel on the back. “Alright, can you run a diagnostics check for me, Connor?” Bianca asked.

Connor closed his eyes, his LED swirling yellow before he came to, rolling his shoulder a bit. “All systems fully functional and operational.”

“Alright!” Rachel said, taking the phone from Hank. “You can go sit down now.”

“Thank fucking God...” He groaned not hesitating to let himself sink right into the seat he was in before. “Any longer and I think my arms were gonna fall right off.”

Rachel then gave him a somewhat sarcastic glare. “Be thankful you didn’t get fucking shot, Hank.” She said sternly. “If you or I get shot, we’re basically out of commission for a while.”

“Exactly.” Connor said, prompting Rachel to look up into his eyes. “You didn’t need to go through all this effort for me. I’m just a machine. I can still function and perform reasonably in condition. You don’t need to worry about my performance.”

Rachel blinked at him a couple times, looking down at her phone. “Hey, Bianca?” She asked. “Thanks for your help, by the way. I’m sorry it was so tedious.”

“Oh, don’t worry about it. You know I’m always here to help.” She said graciously.

“I know.” Rachel said with a soft smile. “And believe me, nobody appreciates that more than me.”

Hank couldn’t help but smile. If there was one thing that Hank was thankful for, it was that Rachel had support throughout the periods of hardship in her life. After all, it’s not like Hank had any family to run back to if he fucked up after all. His father fucked off and his mother did the best she could, even if she had her own problems that ended up getting dumped on Hank.

Hank had no one. Well, except for Sumo, but everyone knows that dogs are better than people, anyway. But Rachel was pretty good company and Hank wouldn’t give her up for anything.

And Connor...well, he’d decide once Connor stopped being such a reckless moron and listen to Hank for once.

“Alright, well I should let you go.” Bianca said, preparing her goodbyes.

“Yeah, of course.” Rachel said with a sigh. “But I’ll text you later, okay?”

“Yeah, definitely!”

“Alright.” Rachel said. “Bye!”

“Bye!”

“Love you!”

“Love you too!”

After about a second, Rachel put her phone back onto the table and looked over at Hank. “Alright, do you mind grabbing a pack of thirium?” She asked him. “There’s a crate in the dining room. It’s pretty obvious, you can’t miss it. Just take one of the bags and dump it in the bottle inside. The instructions are on the bags.”

Hank nodded, grumbling as he got up. “Yeah, don’t worry. I got’cha.”

As he made his way towards the kitchen, he heard Rachel’s voice from the living room, very much scolding Connor. “Alright, let me explain this to you.” She started, taking in a deep breath. Hank found the white CyberLife branded crate with ease and opened it. “If I get shot and survive, which is more likely than you think, I go to the hospital, get operated on, and then with bedrest, my body naturally heals itself. Granted, it means I’ll be out of commission for a while, at least a week depending on where exactly I get injured, but my body does the work for me.” Hank grabbed a bag and tore it according to the instructions on it, and started pouring it into the empty bottle he found inside, the strange blue fluid dripping into it. “If you get shot and survive, which is less likely than you think, you have to get repaired. And let me tell you, if that last like, what, half hour?”

“About an hour and a half.” Hank responded, coming back into the living room and handing the bottle to Rachel, taking a seat on the recliner on the other side of the room.

“Wow, longass time. But you get it! If that’s any indication for how difficult it is to fix your shit. And! RK800 parts aren’t exactly in circulation! You’re lucky that the repair centre stocked on parts after you showed up.” The woman was glaring Connor down as he listened intently. “But, once you do get fixed, you don’t have to rest and you can get back into the field immediately, which is admittedly pretty nice and definitely a huge advantage you have over me.” She then gave him a look that was gentle and caring, placing her hand on his. It reminded Hank a lot of the night they first actually spoke to each other at Ambassador Bridge Park. “But I don’t need you to worry so much about me. I’m a lot tougher than I look. And you’re not as tough as you feel you are, and I really need you to understand that. So, from now on, you’re wearing a bulletproof vest.” Connor was about to object before Rachel silenced him with a finger to his lips. “That’s an order! Got it?”

She removed her finger and Connor gave him the slightest quirk of a smile. “Got it.” He replied, but the android then tilted his head. “But only if you do the same.”

Rachel then gave him one of her signature smirk-and-raised-eyebrow looks as she scoffed at him. “Are you sure you’re in a position to bargain with me right now?”

“Yes.” Connor answered without any hesitation.

Rachel let out an exasperated sigh before she replied to his offer. “Alright, fine, you dumb waffle iron.” She teased. “We both wear bulletproof vests from now on. Deal?”

Connor then smiled at her. “Deal.”

They then stared at each other for a moment before Rachel leaned down, closing her eyes and wrapping her arms around him as she pressed her face into Connor’s shoulder. “I’m just glad you’re okay.” She sighed, relieved.

Then, Connor’s arms slid around her as he pressed his face into the crook of her neck, cradled by her short, wavy hair, his LED a pensive yellow. “Likewise, Rachel.” He sighed, his eyes closing.

Hank was about to say some sort of smart comment, but...he couldn’t. He was too distracted by other thoughts and memories, both recent and long past. Memories of having held someone that way before. And memories of two young women fleeing a life of violence and abuse together just to be with each other.

This moment between his two work partners stirred familiar feelings in Hank, and he let out a sigh. They’ll figure it out on their own. He thought, smiling to himself. Fuckin’ kids...

After a moment, they pulled away from each other. And finally, Rachel seemed to realize the position she was in and promptly removed herself from the couch, hiding the red that was starting to coat her face and clearing her throat exaggeratedly. “I’ll, uh...deal with these.” She mewled, quickly wrapping all the discarded parts with the towel they were put on and then grabbing the towel on the back of the couch.

She then took them and placed them on the dining table and returned, taking a seat next to Connor and avoiding his gaze. “Drink this.” She ordered, shoving the bottle of thirium in his direction.

Connor didn’t object for once, and opened the bottle to swallow it. It was so strange for Hank to see someone basically drink their own blood, but he supposed it made sense that they would drink it. It’s probably the best way to get it back into their bodies.

Connor’s hands then folded neatly in his lap like the fucker always did, even though it looked pretty ridiculous without his shirt on. The android then placed the empty bottle on the coffee table. “I’m guessing replacement clothes get sent to you by CyberLife?” Hank asked, deciding to poke a bit of fun.

“Typically.” Connor replied curtly. “Although, if you go to the repair centre, they do also provide spare wardrobes in case of destruction.”

“Ah, good to know.” Hank nodded.

The air was now quiet between them as they sat there, uncertain and listless. “So...what now?” Rachel asked, looking over at Hank. “We’re fresh out of leads. Where do we go from here?”

“I don’t know...” Connor answered, his head hanging low. “But if this investigation doesn’t make progress soon...” He seemed to hesitate for a moment. “I’ll be replaced.”

The terror that popped on her face as she looked over at him was palpable, and Hank realized then that no matter how this case ended...this was going to be painful for her. “Well, then we have to think of something!” The way she looked at Hank made him feel weak. He tried to think. Anything that might give them some kind of new lead.

But then, he remembered something. When androids were first invented and exploding the markets, one name kept coming up. .

And like that, Hank knew what he had to do. “I think I’ve got an idea.” He said, getting up from his seat, feeling more sure of himself at the hope that glimmered in Rachel’s eyes. “But first thing’s first, I gotta make some calls.” He walked towards the door, casting a glance back at the pair. “I’ll let you know what the plan for tomorrow is. But until then, I think I should take my leave for now and leave the two of you be.”

Rachel nodded. “Okay, Lieutenant.” Connor said in his usual polite tone.

“Thanks for all the help, Hank.” Rachel said gratefully. “And sorry about your arms.”

“Eh, don’t worry about it.” Hank waved her off, opening the door. “Shouldn’t be too long until you hear back from me. See you tomorrow.”

“See you!” Rachel called after him.

Making his way out of the door, Hank walked up to his car. But he couldn’t help but steal a glance back through the windows. The blinds were cracked enough to still see them. The old man couldn’t help but feel a sinking feeling deep down.

A feeling that he was going to have to watch Rachel’s heart completely shatter again. And a feeling he was going to lose someone he was begrudgingly starting to think of as a friend.

But none of that matters until they’re down to their last rope. And right now, that rested on Hank.

So, getting into his car, he started the engine and backed out onto the snowy road, dreading the headache inducing thoughts of the phone calls he had to make. Let’s just hope this goes easier than it did when I canceled my cable.

--------

Date: November 8th, 2038  Time: 08:11 PM Rachel - Partner? Objective: Undefined

Soon after Hank left, once again Rachel and Connor were left alone. The android couldn’t help but still feel rather shaken. There was a tightness and a hesitance that persisted in his systems that he couldn’t shake.

He had risked danger before. He had risked getting run over by moving cars on the highway chasing the AX400. He had risked danger when he was fighting the Tracis in the Eden Club.

But this was different. Not only was he now acutely aware of his own mortality, he was afraid. And even now, hours later, it still persisted. Even though he didn’t need to breathe, he was also extremely aware of the breaths he was taking, too.

He didn’t even realize that he wasn’t paying attention to Rachel when she spoke to him, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Hey, Connor?” She softly called, causing the android to focus his gaze on hers. “You’re still thinking about it, aren’t you.”

While he would normally be able to respond, all he could find it in himself to do was nod. Compiling words, he eventually managed to speak. “I’ve never felt this before...” He quietly admitted. “It’s...I don’t know how to explain it. But it’s unpleasant. And it makes me feel...weak.”

Rachel nodded, seeming to understand. “I get that.” She sympathized. “That feeling you have right now? Imagine feeling that all the time. Imagine getting that feeling triggered by the smallest things and then having to deal with that for hours on end. That’s what it’s like living with anxiety.” She explained, but her dark eyes were patient and gentle. “But I’ve had years to get used to and figure out how to manage it. This is new for you. You’re allowed to be confused, rattled, and unsure. It’s something you have to process at your own pace in your own time. But...it’s nothing to be ashamed of, no matter what anyone says.”

That only served to make Connor even more confused and frustrated. “But I’m a machine.” He insisted. “Designed to accomplish a task. I wasn’t programmed to fail. I wasn’t programmed to feel fear.”

Software Instability ^ “But you did fail. You did make mistakes.” Rachel pointed out, not maliciously. “And you feel fear now. It doesn’t matter if it was in your programming or not, you feel it regardless. Does your fear feel real to you?”

Truth

Lie

Software Instability ^ “Y-yes.” Connor managed to choke out. “It’s...unmistakable. And it’s persistent. I can’t ignore it.”

“Then that’s all the justification you need.” Rachel said, nodding.

Software Instability ^ She then let out a sigh and leaned into him. He couldn’t help but notice the grown abundance of physical affection from her. It was significantly more frequent and Connor was easily able to deduce that it was a result of their growing relationship.

Something that certainly didn’t help his confusing feelings and reactions around her.

“Hey, Connor?” Rachel then asked. “You don’t...consume things for recreation, do you? Like books, TV, movies?”

“I can find enjoyment and interest in them.” Connor replied. “But I don’t necessarily engage in such recreational activities in the same way humans do.”

“But you read one of my books earlier.” Rachel pointed out. “Just because you know it was from my favourite series. What did you think of it?”

Sincere

Analytical

Indifferent

Software Instability ^ “I could see why you enjoy it.” He replied in earnest. “Its fantastical elements are rather charming and endearing and its brand of humour is certainly your type of humour.”

Rachel - Partner ^  She smiled, nodding. “Right. That’s exactly it.” She looked away from Connor, her posture pensive. “But it’s not just that. There are a lot of really complex and interesting themes underlying it all. Themes of war, of cost, of family, and abuse. And themes of destiny and choice. Peace and war. And the characters are all so diverse and complex and I can’t help but really like them all.”

Connor was watching and listening intently, documenting Rachel’s every word, the enjoyment and passion incredibly evident on her soft face. “I am somewhat curious, though.” He interjected. “You seem to gravitate towards fiction geared towards children and young teens. Why is that?”

“Honestly, they’re just far more interesting and engaging to read.” Rachel replied, making eye contact with him. “A lot of young adult and teen fiction is either too boring or just too depressing for me to read. Or in some cases, it’s just not that well-written. But I find that a lot of children’s stories are a lot more inventive and creative. And there’s a lot more variety in their stories and I just prefer the general tone a lot more.”

Connor nodded. “I see.”

They seemed to run out of things to talk about before Rachel let out a sigh. “I’m pretty spent for today.” She mumbled. “I could honestly just go for some TV on the couch until the day’s over. Would you want to watch with me?”

Connor gave her a small crooked smile. “I wouldn’t be able to enjoy it in the same way as you.”

Software Instability ^ “That’s fine by me.” Rachel replied, returning his smile. “I want you to enjoy it in your own way. And besides, I enjoy your company, and that’s reason enough for me.”

Connor nodded, trying to ignore the warmth he felt blooming in his chest and the rapid increase of the rate of his thirium pump that once again turned up no issues through a diagnostics check. “Then I’ll stay as long as you want me to.” He replied with a smile.

Hiding a blush, Rachel turned away from him. “I’m gonna go take a quick shower and get in my pajamas.” She said, making her way to the stairs. “I won’t be too long. It’ll be about ten minutes.”

“I’ll be sure to count the seconds.” Connor teased, relishing the small gasp that his response managed to elicit from Rachel as she made her way upstairs to her bathroom.

Soon enough, Connor noticed Bear make his way over to the android and he couldn’t resist the urge to scratch the dog behind his ears.

But even in her absence, Connor’s thoughts continued to be fixed on Rachel. Not just on her words and the small gestures of her simple existence, but on her relation to him and her reactions to him.

Connor was aware of and had knowledge of human relationships. He was aware of the dynamics between romantic and sexual partners. But to him personally, these were all merely ideas. Abstract concepts he could analyze and observe, but never truly take part in or understand from a personal level.

And he didn’t have any issue with it. After all, he had a mission and a purpose he was designed for. He had no use or desire for such things. He wasn’t made to, after all.

But admittedly, that was before he met someone like Rachel. It was all too clear that she harboured some level of attraction towards him. He didn’t even have to scan her vitals to know that, although yes he could also tell by the scans he turned up of her.

Yes, it was clear that she was attracted to him. And there were moments that he could even detect arousal from her. But like she said herself, she had her own scruples and principles and she held stringent to them despite her clear innermost desires. And the fact of the matter was that Connor was a machine. He had no free will of his own, which wasn’t a fact he particularly lamented. So she hasn’t said anything about it either by choice, or perhaps she herself wasn’t fully aware of her attraction towards him.

But it was clear that it wasn’t just an attraction towards him. She genuinely cared about him and his wellbeing. She cared about him as a person and as a friend. She trusted him.

And the android would be a fool if some part deep in his software didn’t want to participate in whatever this magnetism was. But that was just it. He wasn’t certain of what his feelings towards her even were or what they meant. All he knew was that he felt strange and that he had nothing to compare it to and that she was the source of it. So even if he wanted to, he could never be an active participant.

But even then, he didn’t care. Not because he didn’t care about her, because he did. That much he did know for certain. He did care for Rachel perhaps more than he could even understand as a (somewhat) obedient machine.

And she cared for him. Whatever she felt and whatever principles she held fast to, it didn’t stop her from caring about him. It didn’t stop her from being comfortable with him and it didn’t stop her from wanting his company and considering him a friend.

And to the RK800 model android, that was enough to make him happy. And it seemed to make her happy, as well. He could be completely content with this, even if it was unavoidably temporary.

“I’m back!” Rachel’s voice then called, as the sounds of muffled footsteps were detected behind him, and Connor turned around and saw a rather diminutive sight.

Software Instability ^ She was dressed in her pajamas from the couple nights he had spent in her bed, But draped across her shoulders was a rather soft and velvety looking white blanket, with a lot of fluff beneath for extra comfort. “I felt like being in a blanket. It’s one of...those nights...” Suddenly her face began contorting into something rather humourous. Her nostrils twitched as her eye fluttered.

Software Instability ^ Suddenly she lurched forward in what was clearly a sneeze, inhaling and holding it before letting out a small sound that was rather indicative of the mewl of a small kitten.

She then approached Connor and settled on the couch next to him, looking very comfortable and warm in her blanket. “So, I feel like watching Brooklyn Nine-Nine.” She prefaced. “It’s a comedy show about the 99th precinct in Brooklyn, centred around its detectives and captain. It’s a really fun show. And...it was Frank’s favourite.”

He nodded. “I have no particular preference as to what program to watch.” He said bluntly. “But I’ll gladly indulge in it if it’s what you want to watch.”

Software Instability ^ Rachel smiled over at him and leaned over to grab the remote control, pointing at the TV and pressing the button that said Netflix.

It soon booted up, and she navigated the menu lined up with several programs down to the Continue Watching lineup. Very quickly, she selected the title called Brooklyn Nine-Nine and navigated the episode listings, scrolling back towards the pilot episode of season 1.

She clicked on it and settled backwards as the episode began loading. It started with an opening monologue from actor Andy Samberg, portraying a seemingly serious gritty cop trying to maintain his morality in a broken system before being cut by a female Latina detective played by Melissa Fumero. Connor’s focus was interrupted by a query from Rachel. “You know, you don’t have to sit so stiffly, don’t you?”

Connor evaluated his posture, tilting his head at her in confusion. “I’m sorry.” He apologized. “How would you prefer me to sit?”

Software Instability ^ She laughed a little and rolled her eyes, taking the remote control and paused the episode. “Alright, first of all, you can kick your feet up and lean back against the armrest.” She suggested.

Connor then squinted at her in even further confusion. “But won’t I just be in your way?”

There was a smirk plastered on her face. “Don’t worry, I have an idea.” She assured him. “Just trust me.”

Complying with her instructions, Connor turned around, resting his head on the armrest closest to him and tentatively placing his legs in her lap, folding his hands in his. “Is this better?” He asked, unsure.

Software Instability ^ Rachel’s eyes landed on his hands before she started to quietly laugh, a fist to her mouth. “Do you need something to do with your hands?” She asked him.

Connor glanced at them, feeling a little awkward. “Why do you ask?”

Software Instability ^ She smirked and then pushed Connor’s left leg off her lap and placed it behind her and shifted to crawl up between them. Surprised by the suddenness of it, his eyes widened and his hands placed themselves beside his hips on the couch. 

But Rachel simply rested her head on his chest, snaking her arms around his back and holding him, draping her blanket over the both of them. “Put your hands on my back.”

Software Instability ^ Connor, curious, did as she told him and found himself sinking into this touch. He wasn’t made for companionship. He was made to integrate into teams and form partnerships in the workforce. But he wasn’t made for intimacy.

Software Instability ^ Which made Rachel’s active seeking it out from him that much more perplexing and yet...desirable. It was completely open and honest. It was true. And it was pure.

“Comfy?” Rachel asked, making a pleasant hum as she further settled herself in Connor’s arms.

He nodded. “Very.” He answered in earnest.

“Good.” She replied, pulling her left arm out from under him to reach for the remote again to unpause the episode.

For a while, they laid there completely comfortable in each other’s arms. The only sound that interrupted their silence was the occasional laugh or snicker from Rachel.

But as Connor continued watching the pilot, he began to notice something about the character Jake Peralta. Something that once again returned his attention back to Rachel. “This character reminds me a lot of you, Rachel.”

Connor felt her flinch slightly as she let out a quiet laugh. “You think so?” She asked weakly. “How does he?”

The android searched for the right words to say then. “He’s rather immature and childish, but good-natured and comical.” He started to explain. “But he’s also very capable and intelligent. And he cares deeply about those around him and their struggles.”

Software Instability ^ Rachel - Partner ^ Connor could feel her smile into his synthetic skin. “That’s something I also really like about the show, too.” She admitted. “A lot of cop shows have their male protagonist be the super cocky overconfident detective who never follows the rules and gets his fellow officers in danger. He also is a massive dick usually and doesn’t really give a shit about anyone but himself and yet, the lazy writing artificially places him in the right every single fucking time. But not here.

“And it even starts it off that way here, before it immediately cuts off.” She went on, getting more enthralled and passionate with every word. “And at first, then you think he’s just goofy and immature and doesn’t take his job seriously, but then he immediately shows that he already solved the case. And then a few scenes later, he’s winning a bet he’s made with Amy about how many cases they can solve. And everyone in the precinct values him a lot as a detective, even if they enjoy poking fun at him. And Jake cares a lot about his friends. It’s a really really great subversion and Jake himself is just a really good character. I mean, they’re all pretty great characters, but I really like Jake.”

Software Instability ^ Connor could barely focus on the show when she was speaking, but he didn’t mind. Somehow, she always managed to capture his full undivided attention, and he had no complaints.

They continued to watch in silence, the occasional snicker or quip from Rachel. But Connor was beginning to feel rather jittery and impatient. He always had an issue with sitting still. No matter what, he just felt the need to be doing something. He was an innately restless being. So, hesitantly, he started rubbing circles with his hands into the blanket over Rachel’s back. He hesitated for a moment out of making her uncomfortable, but a contented sigh told him that she was enjoying it.

“I like the sound of your thirium pump.” Rachel said quietly, nestling further into his chest. “It’s comforting.”

 Connor glanced down at her curiously. “How so?” He asked.

“It doesn’t sound much different from a human heartbeat.” She elaborated. “There’s a lot more mechanical stuff going on that I can hear. Whirs, clicks, creaks and all that. But I like it. It’s nice.”

Connor nodded, unconsciously smiling at her before returning his attention back to the show.

For a while, they laid there comfortably, the episodes moving on. The android admitted that he was enjoying himself. However, as his hands were continuously rubbing his companion’s backside, his left ended up trailing up to her hair subconsciously.

Software Instability ^ And with a small content moan, Rachel started making a rumbling sound he could feel in his chest that he realized resembled the purring of a housecat.

Tease

Say Nothing

Software Instability ^ Briefly considering teasing her, Connor instead decided against it. It was clearly an involuntary reaction out of pleasure and the android would be lying if he didn’t find it incredibly endearing and charming. And he also couldn’t help but enjoy the feeling of her hair in his hands. He didn’t realize just how soft and curled her locks were. It was as if they were made to perfectly coil around his thick synthetic fingers.

After a while, she had gone quiet. Once again, the service had shown a prompt that asked if she was still watching. He looked down at her and realized that she had fallen asleep. Checking the time and realizing that it was past midnight, Connor decided it was high time for her to be in bed.

He gently shook her awake. “Rachel?” He asked softly, cupping her face and getting her to look up at him.

Software Instability ^ “Mm?” She blinked her eyes up at him slowly, smiling at him drowsily. “What time is it?”

“It’s past midnight.” He answered her, noticing her leaning further into his palm. “We should head to bed.”

She then groaned, nestling into his chest stubbornly. “But...comfy.” She protested.

“I’m sorry, Rachel.” He apologized, wasting no time gently disentangling himself from her, much to her effort to stop him. “But your welfare is important and I feel it would be best if you slept in your bed.”

Software Instability ^ He then turned the television off and turned back to see Rachel rubbing her eyes, bundled up in the blanket. Looking up at him, she didn’t even speak. She simply extended her arms up at him and made the hand closing gesture with both of her hands.

The android didn’t have to ask for her to clarify. He knew what she wanted, and he quickly bundled her up and lifted her, cradling her as he carried her to her bedroom.

He was beginning to realize that this had sort of become routine, now.

Making his way into the bedroom once again, he gently laid Rachel on her side of the bed, even opting to remove her glasses and place them on her nightstand for her. He then went into the bathroom and grabbed the same robe he used for the past couple nights, removing his dress pants and socks once again before slipping the robe on.

He had slipped onto the sheets like he had previously done before Rachel’s voice cut through the silence of the house. “Um...actually, Connor?” She said, interrupting him. “Could...could you sleep under the sheets with me, this time?”

Connor hesitated for a moment, gazing down at her as her brown eyes pleaded with him. “Are you sure?” He asked, just to be certain. He didn’t want to overstep his boundaries.

“I mean...we were literally just snuggling on the couch downstairs while you were shirtless.” She pointed out, her voice raspy and gravelly with exhaustion as she flashed a smirk up at him. “I like the feeling of being pressed against you. It makes me feel safe.”

Software Instability ^ The android found it difficult to argue with her logic and he did as she asked of him, shuffling to free the sheets from underneath him and furled himself beneath them.

Software Instability ^ Instantly, Rachel wrapped herself around him, pressing herself into his chest and humming contentedly. And Connor did the same, cradling her into him and caging her protectively with his arms.

But as she was quickly settling into him, her observation on his thirium pump was present in his mind. He found it rather odd that humans found such comfort in such things.

However, he was also curious. He could monitor heart rates and take tests on humans, but he hadn’t actually ever listened to a heartbeat. He had no interest in doing so, prior. But Rachel’s observation made him want to for the sake of being able to understand the comparison. 

“Can I ask you to do something, Rachel?” He asked, softly.

She shuffled a bit, looking up at him. “Sure, what is it?” She asked him groggily.

“Can you let me listen to your heartbeat?” He asked. “You mentioned that the sound of a thirium pump is similar to a heartbeat and I was curious about how accurate that is.”

She snickered softly in the indigo depths of the room and shifted. “Sure, go ahead.” She agreed, shuffling upwards toward the headboard and lying on her back. “C’mere.”

Software Instability ^ Connor took Rachel’s hint and laid himself on top of her, placing his head against her chest and nestling himself under her chin, wrapping his arms around her back. Her heartbeat was above average, but he knew the reason why, and he knew it would settle back to normal in a moment.

Software Instability ^ And...she was right. Strangely enough, a human heartbeat was nearly identical to a thirium regulator’s pump. And there was indeed something comforting and pleasant about the sound of another’s heartbeat. But unlike his, hers was more organic and deep. There were other sounds accompanying the sound of her heartbeat. Sounds of growls and echoes that were the sounds of the several organs inside working as they were meant to.

Software Instability ^ As far as he could hear, Rachel was a picture of health. And that brought him a sense of security in her arms. “Hey, Connor?” She asked, letting out a calm breath.

“Yes, Rachel?” Connor replied.

She seemed to hesitate for a moment. “You don’t, uh...you don’t mind having your hair touched, do you?”

Connor regarded her question for a brief moment. “I’ve never been asked that before.”

“May I?” She asked meekly.

The android didn’t see any issue, considering that that’s what he’d been doing to her earlier. “You may.”

Software Instability ^ Gently, her small, delicate, and nimble fingers began threading through his synthetic locks. And immediately, the android understood her pleasurable reaction earlier to his ministrations.

While androids couldn’t feel pain, they still had receptors and could feel physical sensations. Of which included that of pleasure. And Connor felt like his synthetic skin was prickling, but it wasn’t unpleasant. It was strangely soothing and he could even sense his software threatening to go into stasis without his input.

Now he understood what it actually felt like to fall asleep for humans, and he certainly now understood how easy it was for Rachel to doze off in his arms earlier.

Software Instability ^ Reluctantly, he set a time for his stasis to be interrupted and let himself slip into it, for once feeling completely at peace and blissful.

---------------------------------

Next Chapter

[aiimaginesbts]

Of Two Hearts: Chapter 2

Seokjin x Reader x Taehyung (ft. Jimin and Namjoon)

Genres: Royalty AU, angst

Word count: 6,112 words

Chapter 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

Read the First Part: What You Never Had

A/N: Thanks Ann @godsavemefrombts for beta-ing this!

Disclaimer/Copyright

Your knees simply gave out.

There was no other word for it. Suddenly all the strength within you vanished into thin air, your legs could no longer support the weight of your body and you crumpled to the ground. “Y/n!” Namjoon cried out and went swiftly around his desk to rush to your aid. When he had you cradled safely in his arms, he turned to the messenger and said, “Thank you for giving us the news as quickly as you could. I have to ask you to refrain from sharing it with anyone else until we can figure out how to deal with it. Otherwise there will be panic.”

The messenger nodded gravely. “Understood, Your Highness.”

“You are dismissed. Make sure you get medical attention for your wounds at once.”

You were only vaguely aware of the messenger’s departure from the room. Any thoughts of Jin and Jimin flew from your mind; the only thing that remained was your father. The news left you in such a state of shock that your eyes didn’t even form tears. Yes, you had been dreading exactly this, but now that it really happened, you realised that you’d never really believed that it would. Regardless of the situation, your father was invincible in your eyes. He would live forever, you’d thought. Outliving you, even. That he would no longer be there, forever, shattered everything around you until you felt nothing.

Eventually, you became aware of Namjoon’s arms tightening around you, and your inelegant position on the carpet. You had no idea how much time had passed; for all you know, you’d only lost your mind for a moment or two, but it felt like forever. It hurt so very badly, that it wouldn’t have subsided in a million years. Yet the sun was still shining outside. It shouldn’t, in your opinion. It was the darkest day of your life, and you were unreasonably angry at the sun for continuing to be so warm and bright. That misplaced rage that should be directed of the faceless men of Zinnis pricked at the corner of your eyes, and it brought clarity. And with it, grief. You clutched at the lapel of Namjoon’s coat and sobbed. It was much more subdued than you’d have thought warranted on such an occasion. Truthfully, you wanted to wail and scream at the cruelty, the injustice, but you couldn’t. The passing of your father left you broken, and you felt weak. Your eldest brother’s support gave you the strength to let out your emotions in continuous but short, soft whimpers, and nothing more. Even though you knew that Namjoon was as stricken as you were at the news, perhaps he was as comforted by your presence as you were by his. Thus, you sought solace in each other, during that small window of opportunity when you didn’t have to pretend, until you needed to go on and be strong for the sake of others.

Unfortunately, that time wasn’t long in coming. News of the King’s passing spread like wildfire through the bordering villages, eventually making its way to the towns, then, the entire country and beyond. All at an alarming rate that you weren’t sure you were prepared for. Amidst the chaos that wracked the castle for the next two weeks came the confirmation that Jimin had escaped the ambush. Apparently, he’d been caught in the attack, but managed to flee with the help of the guards.

The guards. You had bitten the inside of your cheek so hard when you’d heard the message alongside Namjoon, trying to keep your tongue still and your face calm, that you could taste blood in your mouth from biting your lower lip. Relief that your second brother was safe was immense, but what of Jin? You were dying to know. However, that was the least of your worries. On the surface, at least. Even whilst still mourning for the late King, Namjoon had to take over the role — in responsibilities if not yet in name. The people were in a panic, and rightly so. In the castle, the overlapping voices of the nobles were only making everything more confusing, all of them anxious to make themselves heard, each one convinced that their opinion was the only one that mattered.

It was enough to drive you mad. You’d barely been allowed time to grieve for your father before you’d been drowned with responsibilities and your sense of loyalty towards Namjoon. He needed all the support he could get. Heaven knew how he was coping with it all. Even with the news that Jimin had survived, both of you couldn’t be assured of the fact until you’d seen him with your own eyes. It was even worse for you, since you couldn’t even ask after Jin without making yourself look suspicious, so you had two people to worry about.

“His my Royal Guard, after all. Perhaps it would be fine to ask?” You tried to cajole Ji Eun into agreeing with you, but the sentence ended up as a question, rather than a statement. Really, you were just trying to convince yourself. It didn’t even take much reasoning to see that there was no way for you to find out about Jin’s condition. Even if you inquired about him, you doubted that the status of each of the guards that had followed the late King and his youngest son were known. All you could do was worry about Jin all by yourself—

Your head snapped up sharply as you came to a realisation. No, you were not the only one worrying about Jin. Some distance away from the castle, his parents were surely wondering the fate of their only child. A twinge of guilt nagged at you when you remembered that you hadn’t visited since the day you came of age. The day that introduced you as the Princess to the whole world. The day that Jin discovered your true identity. So many things had happened since then. More importantly, sneaking out of the castle became even more dangerous, now that many of the citizens knew the face of their Princess. Thus, you’d stopped your clandestine visits out of the castle, limiting your outings to the ones carried out due to your duties. Clearly, those hadn’t allowed a trip to your beloved’s parents’ house.

Yet now you felt the urgent need to go. As painful as your concern for Jin was, his parents must be feeling it a hundred times over. Your hands fisted in your skirts in anger and guilt, directed inwards. It was shameful that you didn’t remember about it until now. Even though you hadn’t had the opportunity to communicate with his father often, since he was usually out the few times you visited, and the handful of times you did see him, you’d found that he wasn’t one for many words, Jin’s mother had always been friendly and welcoming. Perhaps she knew that there was something going on between you and her son. You wondered if she’d disapprove of your relationship, knowing now who you actually were. Surely the stopping of your visits didn’t help your cause, but you’d like to believe that she understood your position. And you wished that she would have blessed the feelings that you and Jin had for each other.

However, none of that mattered if something had happened to him. It was a moment of clarity for you. Jin’s life far outweighed the love you had for him — the very emotion that had been the center of your turbulent thoughts these past few months. You would do anything if it would guarantee his safety. Which made the whole situation all the more unbearable, since there was nothing you could do. You turned to Ji Eun, wearing a pleading look that put her on guard immediately.

Over three hours later, you flopped inelegantly on your bed and closed your eyes. Exhaustion from arguing with your lady-in-waiting can be felt not just in your brain and throat, but somehow all over your body. Yet it was still far from over, it seems. Neither of you had budged from your initial opinions; you asserting that Jin’s parents needed to be reassured, even if there was no reassurance to be given, and Ji Eun insisting that such an endeavour was unnecessary and out of the question. She’d only agreed to summon Jungkook to your study. When you’d asked her to do so, you’d been hoping that the guard would agree to accompany you on your visit. Yet Ji Eun had agreed to your request to bring Jungkook over quite readily. The right corner of your mouth dipped in a thoughtful frown. You had no doubt that she was browbeating Jungkook into agreeing to refuse any of your requests on their way back to you.

Maybe it was because you were lying flat on your back, but your sigh felt especially loud and heavy. A few moments of silence passed, then your groan filled the air as you sat up and brought your forehead to your knees. Jin’s soft but stern voice sounded in your head, reminding you not to do anything foolish or dangerous. With an unladylike groan, you shifted to press your eyes against your knees, as if that could block out his sensible words. It hurt to think of him when you didn’t even know if he was still alive or not. You had always followed your instinct, even though you knew that it wasn’t the wisest course of action. Yet this time it was your head that told you to go to provide comfort to Jin’s parents, and hopefully, selfishly, gain some solace for yourself, too. However, your instinct remained unmoved, giving no drive for you to move. Instead, you heard — or perhaps remembered, you weren’t sure — Jin’s warning, advising you against it.

Even though you had no idea what it meant, a wave of unease washed over you. All of a sudden, you felt unsure and extremely vulnerable. All the more Jin’s absence left you completely lost. You had taken him for granted, and now only when he wasn’t around that you knew how much you needed him. Remorse filled you as you remembered how you’d avoided him for the past few weeks. It was hardly fair for him to be pushed away while you tried to figure out the obstacles in your relationship. Especially when he’d been fully aware of the impossibility of the situation due to the difference in your stations from the very beginning. It was you who’d been convinced that everything would turn out fine, too short-sighted to really contemplate your obligations as a princess. Perhaps you shouldn’t have pushed him away, even if you couldn’t bear to share your insecurities with him. You had no idea how much you’d depended on him. Jin was the reason you had felt so safe, even when you were doing reckless things. Ever since the first day you’d met him, you knew he was your very own knight. Not just because he was your personal Royal Guard. You just knew that no matter what you did, no matter how dangerous the situation you found yourself in, Jin would be there to save you.

But Jin wasn’t here now. Even if he had survived the Zinnis ambush, there was no way he could come to your aid should something happen. The chaos inside the castle was just a small sample of the state of things outside in the capital; the whole country was in a state of unrest. People were surely anxious and fearful of the fate of their youngest Prince, all the while preparing themselves for a war. It was inevitable now. You didn’t have to ask Namjoon to know that even leaving the castle fully guarded was ill-advised; to sneak out with only one protector would be foolish to the extreme. As it was, you were sure that you were already halfway to insanity, arguing within yourself with someone who wasn’t even there.

By the time Ji Eun returned with Jungkook to meet you in your small study within your suite of chambers, you were already weary from your battle with yourself. Still, you tried to appear collected and authoritative as you sat behind your desk; the way you should appear. You could tell that Ji Eun had already warned him of the request you wanted to make, and couldn’t blame him for holding himself so stiffly, as if bracing himself for something unpleasant. And just a short while ago, you would have gone ahead and told him of your initial request. “Jungkook, I have been told that the Royal Guard Seokjin’s parents live in the capital,” you said slowly, carefully weighing the words on your tongue before uttering them. “Do you know where it is?”

He looked surprised, but nodded, wide-eyed. “I have been to visit before, Your Highness.” Of course; you remembered that Jungkook was Jin’s junior in the military academy. The younger man looked up to him, and so Jin had taken it upon himself to keep an eye on Jungkook. They had gotten rather close. You tried to work the words out in your head before saying them. It didn’t seem like he suspected your feign of ignorance. Your words made it seem like it was just something you’d heard in passing. Perhaps a tidbit that Jin has shared with you himself. He was your Royal Guard, after all.

In the end, you decided to stay as close to the truth as possible. “They must be worried sick about him,” you conveyed your real feelings with words disguised as concern as a princess. “Would you mind checking in on them to make sure they are alright?”

“Of course not. I would be happy to.” Jungkook’s soft sigh of relief followed his agreement, and you had to try hard to pretend that you didn’t hear it. Even though you had no idea what Ji Eun had told him, you could easily hazard a guess; a favour, probably unpleasant, and definitely dangerous to your safety. You bit back a wry smile. Jungkook was lucky that you weren’t being wilful today, you supposed. Truth be told, you really wanted to go — the original request that you’d had for him was to accompany you there. But somewhere between sending a reluctant Ji Eun with your request and Jungkook’s arrival, you’d changed your intentions. You were sure that she would ask you why you’d changed your mind, but you didn’t have a ready answer. It wasn’t as if Jin was by your side, persuading you to abandon the idea, as much as you’d like it to be true. It didn’t matter, anyway. Even if you did go, what could you do, other than apologise for not visiting for so long due to the real nature of your position? How would you even explain that — posing as a commoner and making their son fall in love with you, only to end up in a relationship that couldn’t possibly head anywhere? You knew you couldn’t bring yourself to reassure them that Jin was fine. Not when you were worried and deathly afraid that might not be the case yourself. Your shook your head mentally, forcing yourself to focus on the two people actually in front of you, and off the person who wasn’t even there.

“Thank you, Jungkook. Do let me know if they need anything,” you said with a nod, dismissing him. A part of you debated the wisdom of telling him to relay the message saying that you were praying for his safe return, but you decided against it. Although Jin had probably told his parents who you really were, you weren’t completely sure of that fact. Even if they knew, you couldn’t guarantee that they won’t say something about your relationship with Jin to Jungkook. Best to play it safe and not ask him to say anything about you at all. However, just before he could leave the room, you asked him, “perhaps it would be best not to let others know of my request. I do not want to be seen as having favourites, but I do not know the circumstances of the other men in the group.” It was a lame excuse, since you were playing favourites, in a way. But it was the only way you could think of to inform Jungkook not to tell anyone else. You trusted that he wouldn’t if you’d instructed him not to.

Jungkook nodded his assent, then left. As expected, your lady-in-waiting immediately pounced, insanely curious as to what made you change your mind. You were aware that you were the most obstinate person, which was why she wasn’t completely satisfied when you said it was your instinct. Surely there must be something more, she’d said, and you would have agreed with her if you hadn’t known your own heart.

It turned out that your guts had been pulling you in the right direction, after all. The sun had barely left the skies and the darkness had hardly claimed the night when Ji Eun arrived with a message. She took care to be suspiciously quiet, even though she was visibly excited — her eyes were wide, mouth opening and closing like a goldfish, as if she couldn’t believe the news herself, even though she was the one delivering it. After taking a deep breath, she exclaimed in the lowest voice she could muster, “They are back!”

“What?” You asked cluelessly, never for one second thinking that such news would come at that moment. It took a few seconds for you to digest her meaning, but when you did, you started up from your seat, almost upsetting the tea service in the process. “You mean, Jimin—“

She nodded vigorously in confirmation, and your fingers dig into the soft material of the chair. “What about...” you choked on your words, too scared to bring yourself to finish the sentence. As if stopping in the middle would protect you from any bad tidings. But you didn’t have to, because Ji Eun knew exactly what you wanted to say. She nodded firmly.

Immediately you stood, ready to rush to Jin’s side, but then you stopped yourself. With your brain catching up with the instinctive actions that your body took, everything came rushing to you, and you sagged back into your seat. Relief unlike anything you’d ever felt before washed over you, even as your feet itched to run towards him. Thank goodness you didn’t leave the castle with Jungkook to go to Jin’s house earlier. You didn’t even know where he was, exactly, but you would search every nook and cranny of the castle if you’d followed your heart’s desire. Jin was alive! Just a few minutes ago your heart was heavy with guilt and the uncertainty of Jin’s condition. Right now he and Jimin were in the same building as you. You could hardly believe it. Yet you couldn’t rush to Jin like you wanted to. It was painful to hold yourself back, but you were thankful enough that he was alive. You could almost bear anything as long as he was safe.

After composing yourself as best you could, you started out of your chambers with Ji Eun. You wanted to see your brother. At least that wasn’t out of the ordinary. Hopefully Jin was there with him. However, when you arrived, he clearly wasn’t in attendance, since the only people who were present in Namjoon’s study was himself and Jimin, but upon seeing your second brother, thoughts of Jin was easily put aside. After all, even though you knew that he was alive, you’d been just as concerned about Jimin as you were about Jin. Yes, you’d known that Jimin had survived the attack early on, but that didn’t mean you weren’t worried about him. You wanted to make sure that he was unhurt — at least physically; you were sure that the passing of your father had affected him even more than it did you, since it happened in his presence — and simply to reassure yourself that he was there. He looked haggard, and your heart cried for him. The physical, mental and emotional exertion of the travel and the ambush had clearly taken a toll on him, and even though he smiled the moment he saw you, the expression was tired, almost strained.

With no regard to propriety, you ran towards Jimin, stopping short just before you crashed into him. Grabbing his forearms, you assessed him from top to bottom, eyes narrowed to catch every single scratch. It might not have been a good idea, though. There were more than a few scratches on the younger prince, even a gash that you were sure was the surface of an even deeper wound. He was in one piece, but every single injury on him tore at your heart, making you tremble and envisioning tearing faceless men limb from limb for laying their hands on your brother. For a short while, Jimin indulged in your quiet assessment of his well-being. But it didn’t take long for him to deduce that you’d never be completely assured, and so he runs his thumb gently over the creases between your brows. “I’m fine,” he informed you.

Your lips trembled at his voice; whether it was because you missed it, or because you knew that he wasn’t actually fine — not really — and you threw your arms around him. Pressing your face as hard as you could against his chest, you managed to keep the tears at bay. “Do you have any idea how worried we were?” Your muffled words were more watery than angry, devoid of any actual accusation. Jimin was home, and that was all that mattered. Losing your father had caused you enough grief without having to cry over your brother as well, and you knew Namjoon agreed. After calming yourself down, you and your brothers had a long talk over the devastating incident.

Listening to Jimin’s first-hand recounting was a painful but necessary experience. The gist of it was as you’d heard from the messenger, but Jimin filled in the blanks. He was inside the carriage with the late King, going over the more important issues that they’d hoped to discuss with the King of Zinnis, when shouts rang from outside. The men from Zinnis far outnumbered the guards protecting the carriage, easily decimating the ones from the right of it with hardly any time for your men to sound the alarm. From Jimin’s point of view, the enemy was on top of them before he could even draw his sword. The shock and force was such that he wouldn’t have been surprised if the sturdy carriage had overturned from the sheer strength of horse and men. Jimin had rushed outside to join the men, while being wary of straying too far from the carriage.

Yet it was all for naught. As he was furiously slashing at his enemies, a hand had pulled on his shoulder, and he almost took a swipe at the unwitting man behind as he turned around. “It was Sir Kim Seokjin.” Jimin’s voice remained calm, but his eyes flicked in your direction for an instant before settling on Namjoon again.

The eldest Prince frowned in confusion. “Kim Seokjin?” He asked, unfamiliar with the name.

“Y/n’s Royal Guard.” Jimin nodded towards you, and Namjoon made a sound of recognition.

“Ah. Yes. He was the one who discovered the pirates’ hideout, wasn’t he?” Your eldest brother turned towards you for confirmation, and you muttered your assent.

“He had also protected her on several occasions,” Jimin added, and you looked at him carefully. Was he up to something? You had convinced yourself that Jimin wouldn’t reveal the relationship you had with Jin, but it wasn’t hard to put yourself on guard.

Namjoon shot you a withering look, clearly disapproving of the fact that his baby sister had needed so much saving in the first place, but thankfully he didn’t comment further. Instead, he told Jimin to continue with his tale. After jumping back to narrowly escape Jimin’s blade, Jin had fearlessly approached your brother again, grabbing his arm to urge that he leave at once. You had to bite back a whimper when he’d refused, telling Jin that he had to protect the King. Somehow you’d known, even before Jimin sadly recounted that Jin had shook his head and pointed towards the carriage. In the midst of fighting, they had unconsciously moved away from the vehicle, but they were still close enough for Jimin to see your father lying in a puddle of blood on the ground next to it. Even though days had passed since receiving the news on your father, you remembered the devastation that you had felt — and was still feeling now. So you weren’t surprised to find out that Jin had dragged Jimin, who would have remained immobile in his state of shock, away from the chaos of battle.

“I was completely useless,” Jimin berated himself, hanging his head in shame. Even though he’d confessed that Jin had to fend off the attackers as they made their way towards some horses to escape, you couldn’t bear to listen to your brother’s self-loathing. You moved to sit next to him, enveloping him in a fierce hug.

“You are not useless,” you said firmly. “If you hadn’t escaped, Amaryll would have lost their King and their Prince. And I would have lost my brother, too.” A sob lodged in your throat, so you cleared it to ensure that it wouldn’t escape, composing yourself at the same time. “Our remaining men followed you to make sure that you are safe, and that is why there are as many survivors as there are now. You saved the lives of those men.”

Jimin’s only response was a wan smile, acknowledging your point, but you knew his heart wasn’t able to accept it, even if he understood it in his head. Suddenly desperate not to see his heartbreaking expression for a moment longer, you tried for a change in subject. “How are we to proceed from here?”

If the hushed voices that the three of you were using before was unsettling, the silence following your question was deafening. None of you knew what to say. It wasn’t that no one had the answer. That much was apparent. It was that neither you nor your brothers could bring yourselves to form the words. You nibbled on the inside of your cheek, regret sprouting from asking. However, you knew that it was something that needed to be addressed, and better sooner than later.

Your second brother was of the same mind, because he stated, “tongues will wag, but your coronation cannot be postponed, Namjoon. There will be chaos as it is, when word goes out that Father was murdered. We need to present a confident and prepared front.” After seeing Namjoon blanch at the suggestion, Jimin added, “it can be a simple one, just for formality.”

There really was no way around it, so in the end your eldest brother agreed. The rest of the evening was spent planning the occasion, as well as discussions on the first steps to be taken to prepare for the war. Everything must appear to be in place before informing people on the lower chain of command, as well as the masses. It all went more smoothly than you’d expected. Calmer and orderly. The ministers were clearly distressed by the news of the King’s passing, but you three siblings worked clinically, showing no effects from the heavy loss.

And you were still in the state of mind when (maid) found you later that night — in your night clothes, with your hair brushed down, ready for bed — yet sitting on the edge of it. Staring blankly at the floor, as if detached from reality. Your mind was just a blank, but nowhere ready to rest. Even when she called for you, your “Hmm?” was said out of habit more than anything else. In truth, you didn’t even notice her presence. You didn’t notice anything; not even the soft mattress you were perched on.

“Sir Seokjin is here to see you. I told him that it is very inappropriate—“ Her distressed tone barely registered with you, and when she ended her speech with a question, you simply answered with, “fine.”

“Fine?! But—“ her shrill reply was cut short by soft footsteps on the plushly carpeted floor, but you only felt relief that she’d stopped. You simply couldn’t summon the energy to move, not even an inch.

That was until heavy, comforting hands rested upon your shoulders. It startled you enough to make you look up into brown eyes that were filled with worry. “Jin?” It was hard to believe your own eyes. This was like a dream. Or a nightmare. All of it. Reality’s cruel weight suddenly crashed down on you, leaving you broken, a sobbing mess. The only thing keeping you sane was his arms around you, squeezing you so tightly as if to keep you together. It felt like he was the only good thing in your life at the moment.

“You’re alive,” you gasped, clutching at the front of his shirt. You needed to hold onto him, lest he disappeared like you’d seen so many times when you were asleep.

His response was to tighten his hold on you. Even though his breath that softly blew against the top of your head was warm, his words were more comforting, oddly. “I’m sorry.”

It was just that. He was sorry — for the death of your father, for his failure at protecting him, at the situation you were in now — it might be for one thing, or it might be for everything; you didn’t need to ask. There was no doubt that Jin would always want the best for you, and would do anything for your sake, and so just those simple two words conveyed enough. You nodded, throat still too clogged by your sobs to say anything.

He held you until your tears subsided, then coaxed you to sit side by side on the edge of the bed. Ji Eun had discreetly made an exit sometime after showing Jin in, and you were grateful for that. She was your confidante, but there are things that you just couldn’t share with her. Besides, you had always felt that she had often shouldered more than her share of burden, with your recklessness and frequent (some nobles might even say unhealthy for a woman) interest in Amaryll’s affairs. She also didn’t know Jin as you did, thus you wanted this time alone with him, after so long being apart, to just be the two of you.

“You’re hurt,” was your next, obvious assessment to his well-being. It was all you were capable of at the moment, but he understood the sentiment behind it. There was nothing you could do about him being in dangerous situations, yet you wouldn’t be able to stop yourself from worrying. The best he could do was be forthright with you; so you could fuss over him when he was injured and feel genuine relief when he was not. It was better than hiding his pain from you – you had pointed that if you discovered that he was lying, even just once, you could never believe him again if he tried to reassure you that he was fine. Of course, you never wanted him to be hurt, but as long as he was alive, that was the most important part, in your opinion.

While he did not escape the ambush unscathed, Jin hadn’t sustained any serious injuries. After examining his cuts and bruises, you felt slightly more like yourself. It should be unsettling, to see your beloved in this state, but the fresh scars were undeniable proof that he was indeed alive. That simple fact did wonders for your frayed nerves and battered heart. Neither of you talked much. Whether it was because there was not much to talk about, or because you were both physically and mentally exhausted, or both, you weren’t completely sure.

It was comforting, but it wouldn’t last for long. Jin suddenly stopped moving, as if deep in thought. “So, we are at war now,” Jin sighed. You nodded, but you could tell that this was not what he wanted to say. There was also a forbidding feeling that you weren’t going to like whatever it was he was going to bring up. “It’s inevitable, of course, considering what happened.” Not knowing what to add to the one-way conversation, you made a soft sound of assent. “Zinnis may be a smaller country, but they are renowned for their military strength.” That was not news to you, either. While Amaryll is more than twice the size of Zinnis, most of your people were farmers and merchants, not soldiers. Trade was what your country was known for, and with its abundant fertile lands, Amaryll was a prime target for Zinnis. “We will need all the help that we can get if we are going to win this war.”

A part of you had anticipated what Jin was getting at from the beginning, but you were still unprepared to tell him the truth. He laid his hand on yours, and only then you noticed that you were trembling. Your hands clasped atop your lap were almost completely covered by his large one, and the sight fascinated you, for some reason. You just couldn’t look at the expression on his face right now. He called your name in a voice that was so gentle and kind. It was the reason you took his hand the first day you’d met him – he made you feel protected, like everything was going to be all right. Even as the world was crumbling all around you.

“My feelings for you will never change, even if you marry someone else.”

“How could I possibly?” The question was high-pitched with anger and cracked with pain as your head whipped around to finally look at him. Jin’s beautiful features were calm, already accepting the fact, but his eyes were filled with sadness that was more similar to your own feelings. “You’re the only one for me, Jin. You always have been. How could I marry Prince Taehyung?” Voicing it out in front of him for the first time was like finally validating the truth that you’d been trying to deny for so long. Once again, tears formed anew.

Jin raised his free hand to cup the side of your face, slowly brushing away the tears from your left cheek. “I have always known that this would never last. You should have known that too.” Yes, you knew that Jin had thought about this from the start. That was why he had refused to prolong your relationship when he’d found out who you were. Still, you had never wanted to believe that was true. It might be foolish of you. And it was definitely idiotic to want to continue believing that you and Jin still had a chance to be together. Your head knew without a shred of a doubt, but your heart remained unmoved in your feelings for Jin.

He brought your head to rest on his chest, and you went readily into his arms. Even though his stroked your hair softly, Jin had no intentions on letting you continue evading the inescapable. “The Crown Prince of Delphina has military strength that rivals – maybe even surpass – Zinnis. He himself has been known to be a great leader. And he hasn’t treated you with anything other than kindness and respect, has he?”

You cringed at the way Jin had phrased the question. Of course he had noticed the interactions between you and Prince Taehyung. The Crown Prince was admirable, friendly, and you liked him very much; but you had never been unfaithful to Jin. Nor did you ever want to. Just one look at Jin and no other man could compare. None could remain in your mind, not when Jin already had your heart. But your station forced you to listen to Jin’s words. It reminded you of your duty to your country. The position that you had been blessed with is one that made you act on the behalf of your people at all times, even at the cost of your own feelings. An alliance with Prince Taehyung would mean saving thousands of lives. The lives of your people. It could mean Jin’s life.

“No, he hasn’t.” You whispered brokenly.

[harris-coopers]

Cole Sprouse talks Five Feet Apart, singing on-screen and Riverdale season 4

PopBuzz: One thing that surprised me about the film was how it’s so heartbreaking and yet so hopeful at the same time. It felt so different to other films that fit in the same genre. Was that something you guys wanted to make sure you got across? To show the light?

Cole Sprouse: Yeah I mean, first off, I think Justin's mission statement, our director, was always one of hope and the job for Haley and I was to try and shave off the natural romanticising that takes place within that genre into something that felt a little more grounded and honest for the characters. But the interpretive ending allowed us to have the audience sort of decide what they felt happened to the characters. I think Justin was in the mind that if you're gonna do a movie that hopefully is going to be viewed by the cystic fibrosis community, then the message we wanna give to them is one of hope, not necessarily one that felt on the darker side of that narrative.

PB: This is the first movie you’ve done in a long time. What was it about this film, and the role of Will in particular, that drew you back in?

CS: Well, I was pretty hesitant at first. And I think that's because this genre has the potential to do a lot of damage if it's sort of represented incorrectly. At the end of the day, it was really after I met with Justin and finding out how passionate he was about the cystic fibrosis community and the mission statement being one of hope that that kind of put all my trepidations to rest. In terms of career trajectory? To be honest, I've had that question a lot and I wish I'd been thinking about it. I wanted to work during the hiatus on Riverdale and this lined up perfectly with it. It just seemed like a good move at the time.

PB: I know you’ve spoken about the immense responsibility of telling the story of such a heavily underrepresented community, how much preparation did you undergo for the role? I know you said that physically it was a challenge for you as well.

CS: Yeah, we had the luxury of about a month and a half of prep and research, alongside the advice of actual patients with cystic fibrosis and medical professionals. With their advice, I had a physical regimen to get me into the kind of shape or image of a cystic fibrosis patient. And then of course they gave us a lot of time to understand the psychology of grappling with your mortality at a very young age and how that effects social foundation and relationship building.

PB: The reaction to the film on social media has been incredible so far. Has anyone from the community reached out to you about it yet? And what did they say?

CS: We got a lot of really really positive feedback from the CF community, it's very validating. Ultimately, you know, they're why we made the movie so their acceptance is the currency of the success in my opinion and I think that's been really reassuring. Before the movie had come out, there was a lot of fear that it would misrepresent the community or would do damage to the representation through the sheer notion of romance or encourage a dangerous sort of connection. But the community has been really really responsive to the representation that we have. Yeah, so really reassuring.

PB: That's amazing to hear. The film has such an incredible cast with Haley - who is brilliant - and of course, your little Disney Channel reunion with Moises Arias. How was it working with the two of them? You guys seemed to have such a great dynamic on-screen.

CS: Yeah, I think Haley and I kind of had the same idea of how we wanted to play the characters, which was way more grounded in realism than what could have been the kind of overacting that often comes within that genre. And we got along really well! It's one of those things were you roll the dice, you can have chemistry and you can try to do as much as possible, but you don't really know how the work environment is going to be alongside your co-stars until you're there. And we were lucky enough to have gotten a good roll on the dice and really get along quite well! Haley's talented, she's also a very giving actress - and I act in a very similar way. So, we both cared a lot. Considering the kind of content we were grappling with, we were able to validate one another.

PB: Well, speaking about the emotional heaviness of the script and the subject, how did you guys combat that on set? I just saw that you and Haley went on a strip club tour... which is amazing.

CS: We did!

PB: How else did you keep your spirits up?

CS: To be quite honest, when we were on set, there was a responsibility and an emotional continuity that we needed to keep in order to stay in it. And I'm of the mind that it's better not to take from that. Toward the end of production, we were able to loosen up a little bit after the more emotional scenes had taken place and we had finished those and moved onto the last week of the production cycle. We were able to let go a little bit. In terms of levity, we really didn't allow ourselves to fall into too much levity. To be honest, it felt kind of inappropriate to detach from that. But New Orleans is an incredibly vibrant and wonderful city with wonderful food and great drinking. A really great nightlife! And more bachelor and bachelorette parties than I have ever seen in my life.

PB: I bet!

CS: So it was fun to kind of get lost in that crowd.

PB: One of my favourite parts of the film is the scene where Will sings to Stella and it’s so great that I get to talk to you now because of course, in the musical episode of Riverdale,you sing! And it's incredible!

CS: Thanks!

PB: Previously, you said that it would take a lot for someone to get you to sing and now you’ve sung twice. What made you finally say, “yeah, I’m gonna do it”?

CS: To be honest, I think I was mis-quoted the first time I said that. What I actually said when I said I wouldn't sing is that, Disney Channel was asking me and my brother to drop an album for very many years. And that's what we didn't wanna do. I mean, I've sung on The Suite Life, I've sung on a couple other projects and you know, when it's in character, it's not a problem for me. When it's 'Cole Sprouse singing,' it becomes very strange and vulnerable. It's just a matter of making sense for the character in the moment. For Will, it was a matter of comforting Stella in the same way that she had been comforted and trying to bring a little joy to something incredibly frightening - like surgery. And for Jughead, it was a moment of incredible vulnerability and really a tragedy that kind of fit perfectly to the narrative.

PB: Yeah. Like you just said, it depends on the character but let’s say Jughead decided to let it all go for a night and get involved with karaoke at La Bonne Nuit... What’s the one song you do think he would get up and sing?

CS: Oh, man... you know that angsty emo kid would sing some Avenged Sevenfold or Panic! At The Disco. Something incredibly emo.

PB: Maybe a slam poetry version?!

CS: Oh, of course! He'd be the guy in like, the top hat and all the bracelets looking like an amateur musician doing slam poetry.

PB: Love it! So what's happening next for you? Hiatus is coming up, you're still working on Riverdale now, you've got your photography, anything else lined up? Any other acting gigs?

CS: Yeah! I have one little project that I can't speak too much about lined up for the hiatus. I'd like to manoeuvre my way through the film thing where I'd like to do at least one film a year and it be of a more artistic calibre than a kind of commercial one. I've done Five Feet Apart and it was a commercial project, Riverdale is such a mainstream project that I'd like to live within the independent life for a bit. And then, a lot of photography! Honestly, I haven't stopped working for the last 3 years. So in the event I just sit on the couch for the whole time, I think that would be a welcome relaxation at this point.

PB: Absolutely! My last question, I hope you don’t mind, it’s about Riverdale…

CS: Sure!

PB: We’re winding down toward the end of season 3, there's been some huge shockwaves being sent through Jughead’s home life with his mum right now. Where do you want to see Jughead’s story go in season 4? Because he's changed so much. What do you think is ahead for him?

CS: I think when Riverdale is at its strongest it's about the characters, their dynamics, their personal narratives and their relationships with one another. And I think Jughead asking himself how his family has affected him is what I'd kind of like to see. But I also think I'd love to see a Jughead that feels kind of like a season one Jughead, which is much more of a quiet sort of monologue side. I think there's a lot of potential and a lot of interesting narratives this season in the form of FP and Jughead teaming up and playing the True Detective crime investigator father/son duo. I think there's something really enjoyable about Jughead being the brain and FP being the brawn of that investigation. That's something I'd personally like to see going into season 4.

PB: And I mean, seeing as you’re finally showing off those vocals how about a lead in the next musical episode?

CS: Ha! Oh man, I'm not trying to trying to grease any wheels on that - if it makes sense for the character, it makes sense for the character. But I could spent the rest of my life not singing on screen and being totally content with that.

PB: You were fantastic in the musical episode!

CS: Oh, I appreciate that.

PB: It really was a lovely moment between Betty and Jughead, and so nice to watch.

CS: Yeah, I think that's a really pretty scene and I'm glad it turned out that way.

Source: Popbuzz

[thecandywrites]

Orctober- Winter Formal and New Years

Ok, at the demand of absolutely no-one, I made a part 2 to my Fall Formal piece because dang it, I wanted more so I made more and this gets into my headcanons about modern orcs A LOT. LIke, A LOT. So I have the headcanon that orcs would treat the new year and then the reaping, which according to @momolady​ was in the spring, I thought (assumed) it was in the fall because, well, that’s when you usually reap your crops when you’re gardening, but whatever, I don’t care either way but those two events are some of the bigger “holidays” orcs would celebrate. And in my other headcanon that orcs LOVE SPICY FOOD. Like they would so eat jerk chicken, hot pot and well just any dish with lots of spice, lots of flavor and for me, hot pot is quitessentially like hot spicy person’s dream food. Because you eat it communally which orcs are all about their family and their clans and to me that just makes a lot of sense and please don’t think I’m trying to make any racial or ethnic slights in any way one way or another, this purely fantasy and conjecture at this point. So I started writing this at like 9pm last night and I of course- ran out of time and conciousness but it’s still the first for a few more hours and dang it, it’s gonna count. Thanks for reading. Also because I’m a lemon flavored factory there’s some smut at the end. Just...heads up. 

Orctober- Winter Formal and New Years

Even though you had graduated early and had even started your higher education to be a medical massage therapist, you returned to your highschool for the honor of going with your boyfriend, Kihro to the winter formal which coincidentally was Kihro’s also last school function because he had taken your cue of graduating early and did so himself since his on the job training also counted for credits and cashed those in so he could get a head start on working full time at the sister branch of Wright Plumbing. And ever since your last hospital stay, you and him had been rather inseparable and had been going steady. It helped that you were friends and had that to build your romantic relationship on.  

You had only started your massage school a week before and thankfully you still got to wear the dress you were going to wear to the fall formal, only this time- neither of you were really that stressed out this time around, instead both of you were so happy and excited and anyone who didn’t know you two were now an item definitely knew now and both of you felt like adults with both of you being out of highschool and in your chosen careers full time. 

“Happy to be out?” Kihro asked as you both swayed to the music on the dance floor, the rest of world falling away except for just the two of you.  

“Yes, you have no idea. I hope this is the last time we’re in this building, well besides maybe prom and maybe graduation- which I don’t know if I even want to come for those unless you wanted to go to those.” You admitted. 

“Well, now that I’m out, I really don’t want to come back just for those either unless you really wanted to go to those but I could be making money on those days instead if you didn’t want to go.” Kihro confessed. 

“Did you want to go?” Kihro asked you bluntly. 

“To Prom? I wouldn’t mind, but to graduation? Eh.” You shrugged your shoulders. “I wouldn’t mind just waiting to see where we’re at then and cross that bridge when we get there.” You offered as Kihro nodded in agreement. 

“By the way, I wanted to tell you that next month, after I turn 18 and can rent from whoever, I wanted you to come apartment shopping with me.” Kihro invited since legally orcs were considered adults at 16 and could drink and buy liquor that young and even could choose to graduate early at 16 if they had a job lined up that would give them the required credits and could even move out and rent from other orcs while others required their young ones to be 18 before they were considered adults and do all of that although more and more orcs were choosing not only to stay in school the extra two years, but get their own higher education too before they went out into the work force. 

“Aww, that’s very sweet and I would love to but you know there’s no way in hell my dad would let me go to live with you before we got married, but it would make me really happy if you had a home to bring me to if that were to ever happen, even if it’s a little one room apartment, that will allow pets because I’m not leaving home without Kelly or Duchess.” You reminded him. 

“I know, I’ve been keeping that in mind as I scope some places out, trying to keep your school and my work in mind. But the more I dance with you, the more I realize that I really, really don’t want to dance with anyone but you- for the rest of my life.” Kihro confessed before he pulled a gold bead out of his pocket and placed it in your hand and you knew enough about the orc bead culture now that you knew what this bead was and more importantly what it meant. 

Orcs gave each other beads all the time between friends and family- some of them were cheap metal or wood, or stone or semiprecious stone and there were millions of glass beads that had an array of meaning and tradition because now that everyone lived in a more “civilized” world- beads didn’t always have to be so tough that they could last through wars and raids, now they could be more delicate, intricate and beautiful and the wearer could afford to be more careful with their display. 

But gold- or any precious metal for that matter, that was reserved for very serious relationships, and usually engagements or weddings. And they kept the gold beads behind glass at the counter at the bead stores and they had levels to them, they had the cheap, flashy gold or silver plated ones with crystals and rhinestones and usually just about the time the plating would come off or tarnish- the relationship would probably fall apart and usually orc kids in elementary school or middle school bought them, but then after that, they got really simple in design, but solid gold and in your opinion- a bit more dignified and discreet and from there- then they could get crazy again, this time- real precious stones inlaid into them and could cost as much as engagement rings could and were just as varied and to orcs- just as serious as engagement rings. Your jaw dropped at how beautiful it was as you stopped dancing to look at it closer before Kihro pulled both of you off the dancefloor so you didn’t get run over as you got to look at it in better light before you realized there was beautiful pave diamonds in the delicate and intricate gold carving. He must have dropped a fortune on it as you turned it in your small delicate fingers and you could see that it was real 24 karat gold according to the stamp at the base and it was heavy, just like solid gold should be. 

“Are you- are you proposing to me?” You had to ask as you were so touched your eyes started to water but you couldn’t stop smiling. 

“Well, yes and no, yes in that this is exactly what it looks like and no in that it’s not an “engagement ring” engagement ring which when the time is right, I’ll get one for you because I don’t think that’ll fly yet at least with your parents, but think of it like a promise ring, but in a bead and it’ll hopefully remind anyone and everyone that sees it on you- that you’re at least spoken for- if you want to be.”  Kihro explained, his own heart hammering in his chest and in his ears louder than the beat to the music because the more he was around you the more hopelessly in love he fell in with you and he needed to make good on his promises to himself that he would always take care of you and protect you and do whatever it took to make you happy.  

“I definitely want to be spoken for, especially by you.” You beamed happily before you happily jumped up on your tiptoes and kissed him as he welcomed it with open arms. 

“I love you Brie,” Kihro professed as he pressed his forehead to yours as you did the same. 

“I love you too Kihro.” You mirrored, meaning every word before you had him put it with the others. One of which was actually his to signify that you two were officially dating because again in orc culture- the intended mate got a stack of their pursuers beads presented to them and the intended got to pick out their favorite and wear it in their hair and it was not unusual for them to trade beads so that most orc men wore one feminine bead or even a gender fluid or gender neutral bead with their masculine ones to show that they were in a relationship with whoever while others did the reverse with their chosen gender.  

A couple of weeks later you were at a proper New Year’s Eve party- orc style where Kihro’s family had made a feast for themselves that they brought to the clan’s Hall where everything that happened within the clan took place as you watched as all the tables had special metal pits in them to hold charcoal fire pits with a huge fire in the middle of the hall to get the briquets burning and the pots of broth and everyone brought their own feast but also gave to the clan’s “hoard” of food at the front where huge refrigerators were to keep things cold- in case anyone ran out of food or needed food or simply wanted to try something they didn’t bring and you gladly donated a few 5lb bags of shrimp to which made Kihro and his family happy and proud of you for your generosity. 

The feast signified that the next year would be even more prosperous than the last as you pigged out on dumplings and king crab since your dad had “blessed” your relationship by not arguing or making a big fuss over your gold bead and now- he made sure to send you with a huge box of king crab- which was your favorite kind of crab along with a few bags of shrimp that were the size of langoustine lobsters and smoked salmon and some crawfish along with a cooler full of beer and specialty flavored moonshine that you and your dad flavored yourselves since the Soche’s were providing everything else including chipping in to get the clan a keg for the festivities, many families doing the same so that there were just as many kegs of beer as there were families, many of them seemingly to drink their weight in beer alone. 

The Soche’s also provided all the noodles, hand made and homemade dumplings which you had come over to Kihro’s house every day for the last few days to help get everything prepped as Rhiox and Kihro were beyond pleased that you helped and because of your small nimble fingers, all the dumplings were folded beautifully, the different folds differentiating the fillings. The family also provided vegetables and beef and other meats for their family’s feast, most of them sliced thin so that it cooked in the spicy broth quickly or thick steaks cooked over charcoal fires in the tables themselves next to the hot pots since his clan’s tradition was have a huge communal hot pot gathering and cook out, but because of your delicate system, his mother made a special broth just for you that was flavorful but not nearly as spicy which you were eternally grateful for and even Kihro and his younger siblings enjoyed it and one of the traditions was that you sent the first bowl to the clan’s elders to pay homage and respect to them as they all sat at one table next to the “hoard”, none of them having to cook, but got served by the clan as a whole as you placed the bowl full of your own broth and other meats and vegitables in front of Kihro’s grandparents who were part of the clan’s elders. 

His whole clan seemed to be beyond pleased that it was Kihro who had claimed you even though Kihro was embarrassed by that and had made sure that you understood that who you were as a person was all he cared about and what family you were from didn’t have a bearing on how he felt about you which made you happy and your face hurt from smiling so much and you eventually got used to everyone coming up to congratulate you when they saw the gold bead in your hair that Kihro and Rhiox had braided your hair spectacularly just for this occasion and you were happy that you at least got a huge orc sized bib to cover your clothes because of the hands on nature of this feast and of course you were happy to drink a really good chocolate mocha caramel cream stout with your meal because orcs loved to drink- beers especially and even though you weren’t fond of beer- this one- you made an exception for and greasy spicy kisses with Kihro were especially delicious from your spot practically in his lap because the special picnic tables were huge to accommodate orcs so because of that, there was enough room on the bench itself to sit between Kihro’s legs and leaned back into him and he was able to rest his head on top of yours, careful not to get any food in your hair as he ate one handed, the other arm wrapped around your waist possessively as his dad Kidron tended to the grill part of the feast while Rhriox made sure to feed Kihro’s yonger siblings who adored you. 

Also because of your close proximity, you could feel how hard Kihro was, his cock tucked into his right pant leg as you “practiced” your effleurage and other techniques on his legs in between eating as his hand splayed over your belly under your apron sized bib that covered most of you like a blanket from your neck down as his fingertips ever so amazingly teased your slit through the fabric of your leggings and it was hard yet easy for both of you to act nonchalant and innocent and it was easy to brush off your flushed cheeks on the beer and the spice and it wasn’t until his parents and his younger siblings broke off to catch up with the other members of the clan that you and Kihro snuck away to the roof to “cool off” after he had gone to the bathroom to wash his hands extra good before he brought you up to the roof you happily got inside Kihro’s huge coat with him to stay warm in the freezing temperatures, the snow continuing to fall in big fluffly flakes, your head popping out of his collar as you literally sat on his lap this time as he sat down on one of the benches before he shoved his hand down your pants to find your still drenched pussy aching for him before he fingered you because you weren’t on any birth control but he wanted to prove that at least he could please you without his cock, even if it was just through his fingers which thankfully didn’t compromise your maidenhood as his other hand greedily grasped your breasts as he managed to kiss, lick and nip at your neck and shoulder as you plowed your head back and let it rest on his shoulder as you in turn pulled his length out and it squeezed in between your upper thighs and outer lips before it would poke out your front where your hand eagerly awaited the head to stroke it in time with your pelvis grinding the top of it and it was the closest you could get to the real thing. 

“Kihro,” you panted desperately in a hushed whisper as his touches were sending you over the moon and all you got back was a growling snarl by your ear as he playfully yet softly bit down on your shoulder as he twisted your nipple between his fingers while his other fingers pinched your nub before his middle finger dove into your center to tap and rub at your G-spot and you grinded on his hand while your own hands squeezed around his length and pinched the head, his precum completely coating your hands and dripping down to your own lap as Kihro moved his own hips in sync with yours and because you were both pressed for time because you didn’t want to get caught, it only heightened your arousal and in no time at all, you came, another keening muffuled cry of Kihro’s name inside his coat as your core constricted and fluttered around Kihro’s finger which spurned him to shoot out a load so huge you couldn’t hold it in both of your hands and you had to quickly try to throw it out of the warm cocoon of his coat onto the snow around you so it wouldn’t get on either of you before you wiped your hands off on the snow on the bench on either side of you as Kihro recovered as you felt his sweat make his chest and your back that was pressed up against him wet. 

“Damn.” He grunted before he pressed soft and sweet kisses into your neck and shoulder before he helped put you back together and get your bra back in place and your underwear and leggings back into place before he got himself put away and once you were straightened up he wrapped his arms tight around you to hug you and kiss your cheek before you turned your head to really kiss him over your shoulder. 

“I love you so much, thank you,” he thanked you earnestly. 

“I love you too, and thank you, ending this year with a bang and starting the next one off right.” You giggled before you checked the time on your phone. 

“We should get back,” you urged before he reluctantly let you go and you both had to hide the “evidence” in the rest of the snow as you made a butt print on the bench next to Kirho so that it looked like you were sitting side by side before you went down stairs, passing another couple coming into the building as they were coming out and judging by their own giddyness, were probably about to do the same or probably even more than what you and Kihro just did which made Kihro and yourself burst into laughter once you got inside to warm back up for a few minutes, all of you watching the ball drop on the huge tv’s on the inside counting down before kissing Kihro once more when it was the new year and oh so happy that it all started with a boy, asking a girl to a dance. 

[albatris]

Hello! I think it was you I saw a post about making more realistic characters with psychosis (I think that's the right word?), and I was wondering if you have any guidelines or help saved for what to do and not to do with them? Because I'm making a new character right now and it sounds like psychosis might fit with them so I want to see if I could make it work :) thank you so much for any help or nudges towards help that you can give! I hope you have a wonderful day!

Hello! Aha yeah that was probably me, or if it wasn’t me that particular time you’re thinking of, it absolutely has been me at some point or another, I’m definitely not quiet about how much I’m on the lookout for realistic psychosis rep. And I’m super happy you’re looking into it! We definitely need more of it! Much excitement on my end over here and good luck with your character-creating and research! I hope you’re having a wonderful day too!!

OK LONG POST

So firstly I wanna emphasise that “psychosis” itself is a super broad label that encompasses a lot of different symptoms and experiences! And that there are many different psychotic disorders. In terms of psychosis symptoms, most commonly people think of hallucinations, delusions and paranoia. And while you can have a character whose psychosis is limited to those things, because any array and combination of symptoms is possible, this isn’t the case for many psychotic people! There are a lot of other common facets of psychosis that exist that are hardly ever addressed in fiction (and are specific criteria for certain psychotic disorders). I will talk about some of these in one of my lists! This is something to be aware of regardless, but especially if you’re going to be depicting a specific disorder, because often there are a lot more symptoms/criteria that go into a psychotic disorder than people think and you’ll want to do your research on the disorder in question.

Anyway so this is a HUGE question and I’ve broken my response into some lists, we’ve got some lists, we’ve got a general what to do list, a general what not to do list, and a things I would personally love to see more of but aren’t applicable to every story and context list

some non-exhaustive lists, hey, because I’m sure I’ve forgotten a bunch of things that I’ll think of later and be like Oh Man I Forgot That Thing

and I wanna emphasise re my what to do and what not to do lists, these lists are gonna be fairly general, because without knowing your specific story and the character in question, I can’t cover all the things, yeah? For me to get super specific with these lists it would depend on the character in question, the premise of your story, the setting, the specific symptoms you want to represent, etc, etc…

ANYWAY

LIST TIME

AND READMORE TIME UNDER THE CUT

we’re gonna start with….. (because my first dot point is my most important and literally no other reason)

What not to do

Firstly, don’t freak out. Try not to get overwhelmed! Honestly it can seem like a really huge thing to tackle, but don’t let anxiety about getting it wrong stop you from trying, if you decide that this is something you want to include for your character. You can start small, you can work bits and pieces into your character, you can explore different things and see what happens! Anyone who is writing an experience that they themselves haven’t experienced is bound to make some mistakes, and that’s more than okay! Be open to learning and listening!

Don’t use psychosis for a cheap plot twist or shock value.  Hey, there’s lots and lots of ableist twists and tropes out there involving psychosis. Stuff like “none of it was real, it was just some crazy mentally ill person’s fantasy the whole time!!!!” tends to be tired and stale at best and horribly ableist at worst. Also certain tropes in fantasy settings such as schizophrenia being caused by demons can get real dicey real quick. If you want to go the direction of having some sort of “twist” around it, definitely ask around and get some opinions from psychotic people on it. Like, absolutely, twists around psychosis can be done, but there’s a right way and a wrong way to handle them.

Don’t present psychosis as some sort of horrible dead end or the worst possible thing that can happen to a person. This is something I see a weird amount of? Please do your best not to present psychosis as some awful world-ending tragedy, do your best not to treat it like some sort of fate worse than death. Like absolutely psychosis can be debilitating and exhausting and difficult to deal with at times, but as a non-psychotic author please do not use it as, like, grief p-rn or whatever. Also we end up dying at the end of a lot of stories and that’s supposed to be, like, a relief? Like “oh they never would have had a happy life, this is probably for the best” and like whoa that’s not probably not a great message to be sending. You can definitely delve into some of the challenges and struggles of psychosis but be really mindful of the way you’re talking about it. And the idea that psychotic people can’t live happy, fulfilling lives is something that needs to die like yesterday

Don’t have the character’s psychosis only present when it’s convenient for the plot. This goes for any mental illness, and I see it with every mental illness. It’s something that exists in the plot only when it’s cool and edgy, or only when it’s convenient, or only when it’s relevant. Or, the illness will exist, but only the symptoms that the author can glamorise or use for edgy plot purposes. Another way of phrasing this is psychosis doesn’t exist in your story just to make it interesting. It’s not something you can dip in and out of and only commit to when it’s easy or when it suits your story. That doesn’t mean it has to be the sole focus or all-encompassing, but it does mean you need to actually commit. 

If you’re not psychotic, I highly highly highly advise against writing a psychotic villain. And I know me saying outright “don’t write a psychotic villain” is probably gonna strike some nerves for people because blah blah people can write whatever they want and blah blah there’s a way to do everything respectfully and blah blah what if my psychotic villain is a sympathetic character and morally complex and not all bad and look, I get it, I get it, I get it

I’m sure it is possible to write an interesting, morally complex, respectfully-depicted psychotic villain, but that’s not the point, that’s not the problem! The issue is that we have barely any psychotic heroes and protagonists and good guys! We have no positive rep to balance it out! We might have more space for well-written psychotic villains if we had an equal amount of psychotic good guys. Like…. psychosis is terrifying and isolating enough to deal with on its own, but adding to this is the fact that most of the representation we see is in the form of villains, antagonists, killers, etc. and like…. not only is that awful to see as a psychotic person, but fiction doesn’t exist in a vacuum and psychosis is already misunderstood and demonised enough

This is less a hard-and-fast DON’T DO THIS and more just a very very strong opinion, like, I can’t stop you if that’s what you’re doing but just. something to bear in mind, y’know? 

And now onto:

What to do

Listen to psychotic people in your research! (You knew this one was coming, hopefully!) A whole serious tonne of your research should come in the form of sources by actual psychotic people, like, read their work! Read their books! Read their papers! Visit blogs, visit forums, listen to their experiences! Listen to their experiences of the specific symptoms you want to include in your story! Most importantly, take in what they’re saying and don’t assume you know better than them about their lived experiences!

You’ll get a much better sense of how psychosis affects people and the different ways people deal with it, and you will learn things you would not have even considered otherwise! Medical webpages and articles are fine but if you want a realistic portrayal, this is absolutely not an optional step. I have read way too many books with psychotic rep written by authors who have clearly just………. never actually listened to a psychotic person talk about their experiences in their entire life and it’s actually mind-boggling to me

On this note, I follow a lot of psychosis support and information blogs on here for psychosis reasons, but a lot of these blogs are okay with and happy for people to follow them for learning or to gain a better knowledge of psychosis to support others in their lives or to ask questions about experiences. You can also find a lot of YouTube channels where people with psychosis talk about their experiences. These sorts of things can be a good place to start!

Research psychosis itself, not “writing psychotic characters”. General advice posts about how to write psychotic characters can be a good jumping off point and link to some good resources, but they’re a step removed and shouldn’t form the entire basis of your research. These posts can be great, especially if they’re made by people who experience psychosis, but they’re still meant as a starting point and you should be doing your own research as well. As a general rule, your research shouldn’t come primarily through the lens of “how do I write a psychotic character”, and should very much come through the lens of “what are psychotic experiences?” and “how do people deal with psychosis?” and “how does psychosis affect people?” and other such questions, so that you have the knowledge of to write these characters.

Also, because “how to write psychotic characters” as a google search will lead you through a plethora of terrible pages titled things like “HOW TO WRITE AN INSANE UNSTABLE CHARACTER!!!” and things that equate psychosis to being inherently violent, evil, unstable, dangerous, etc. and, I mean, I shouldn’t have to tell you that there’s absolutely nothing of value to be found in these pages? But hey.

On that note, ableist language is a huge red flag for “hey this source is a bad source”. Be mindful of your non-psychotic sources.

Be aware that there are also negative and cognitive symptoms of psychosis, and positive symptoms other than hallucinations and delusions. So I mentioned this a bit earlier, that there are a lot of other facets of psychosis that I rarely see addressed in fiction. For a lot of psychotic and schizospec disorders the symptoms can fall under the categories of positive symptoms (which “add” something, eg, delusions, hallucinations (auditory, visual, tactile, pretty much any sense) disorganised behaviour, disorganised speech), negative symptoms (which “take away”, eg, lack of motivation, flat affect, reduced speech, social withdrawal) and cognitive symptoms (eg, memory problems, disorganised thoughts, concentration problems, difficulty processing information). For most people with psychosis there will be a range of symptoms across these areas. Even if you’re not currently experiencing positive symptoms, negative and cognitive symptoms can be affecting areas of your life as well.

Of course, it’s definitely possible to experience only a handful of symptoms and there are plenty of people who experience some symptoms of psychosis outside of having a specific psychotic disorder, so it depends on what applies to your character. That being said, it is something I would love to see a lot more of in fiction because it’s………. honestly a really huge part of psychosis experience for a majority of people? And it can really help a realistic representation, as well as giving some visibility to other, less-known effects of psychosis. THAT being said, if you are writing a specific disorder such as schizophrenia, schizoaffective, etc, including other symptoms is definitely not optional. There are a lot of cookie-cutter representations of disorders like schizophrenia that barely cover half of what schizophrenia actually involves. Again, research is ur best bud

Understand that for a lot of people, psychosis isn’t really a switch that flips from ON to OFF. What I mean by this is for a lot of people, while psychosis can come in episodes, it affects most of a person’s life one way or another. Like for me personally, even on my best week, it’s still something that shapes the way I understand the world and it’s a lens through which I interpret the reality around me. It’s not something that disappears completely. It’s not something I can untangle from my gender and my sexuality or my experiences of religion or my relationships, it’s not necessarily something I can untangle from myself as a person. I have a different relationship with the world around me, and that’s not a bad thing. Sometimes it’s a nice thing. Sometimes it’s a difficult thing. Mostly, it’s just a thing. So when you’re writing a character who experiences psychosis, consider the ways it might present itself and what affects of it might be present outside of an episode. This might be in the way they see the world, or the way they speak, or the way they go about their every day life such as rituals or safety or clothing choices or things they avoid. Honestly there’s such a huge diverse range of experiences and it will depend on your character.

Understand that no two experiences of psychosis are going to be the same. Again, “psychosis” itself is a super broad label that encompasses a lot of symptoms that can come in any number of combinations and presentations, and even two people with the exact same set of symptoms can have those symptoms expressed in entirely different ways. Even two people with the same disorder are going to have different experiences of it. And beyond the differences in psychosis itself, the experience of psychosis intersects with other aspects of a person’s identity such as sexuality, gender, race, religion, etc. in fairly major ways as well. There’s not a “one size fits all” when it comes to experiencing psychosis. Consider what sorts of experiences might impact your character and understand the diversity of experiences! Research, research 

Remember that first and foremost, you’re writing a character. They have a life, opinions, likes, dislikes, neighbours, goals, whatever. Their experience with psychosis may be something that shapes their life significantly and something that affects a lot of other facets of their experience, or it might not be, but either way it’s not the only part of their identity. Your character should be just as varied and nuanced and in-depth as any of your other characters. 

and now a definitely non-exhaustive list but a list that’s good enough for now considering my brain is fried:

Things I would personally love to see more of but aren’t applicable to every story and context

Casual, everyday depictions of going about life with psychosis. I mean, this is just in general, in general I would love to see more representation in fiction of mentally ill characters going about their daily lives alongside Whatever Nonsense is going on in the main plot, where it’s acknowledged that they’re also attending therapy or taking meds or dealing with symptoms or in treatment. I think it can go a huge way in the normalisation of people dealing with mental illness and the fact that mental illness is a part of some people’s lives. I would love to see this specifically in stories that aren’t About Mental Illness. Like, an urban fantasy story where a character is shown casually taking their meds? Or a YA story where a character mentions they can’t do a particular thing ‘cause they have a psych appointment booked for that day? Or characters using coping strategies and it’s not treated as weird or other? Just, characters with psychosis, existing, in their every day lives

Supportive friends and family, or good support networks in general. Partly because I’m a sucker for found family tropes and cheesy power of friendship stories, but like, psychotic characters with friends who support them and understand them and who help them with their coping strategies! Psychotic characters with healthy support systems and friendships! Psychotic characters who get to goof off and have fun with their friends, and who get to support and help their friends! Psychotic characters who get to have romantic relationships with supportive partners! 

Happy endings! I mentioned this earlier, too, like…… in terms of representation, so much of what’s out there is either psychotic characters as villains or psychotic characters dying tragically, and this over and over and over again, y’know, eventually the message being driven home is “there is no good ending for you!” which is………. bullshit, obviously. But it can be terribly isolating and scary to internalise if you’re experiencing psychosis, and even if you know it’s bullshit, it’s exhausting! You want to see yourself represented as someone who has a future and can be happy! As I said earlier, the idea that psychotic people can’t live happy, whole, fulfilling lives needs to die, and we are in dire, dire need of stories with good endings for psychotic people.

Explicit representation of specific disorders. I was going to say that schizophrenia is something most people think of when it comes to psychosis representation in fiction, but like, honestly, a lot of those writers don’t even do the bare minimum research for what schizophrenia involves and they have a really stereotyped version of the disorder that they clearly haven’t researched at all……. but anyway yes, my point is, there are a lot of different psychotic disorders, and I would love to see some of them represented explicitly, and not just left vague and unlabelled. I would also like to see accurate, well-researched, actual representation of schizophrenia. I would also like to see psychotic depression! Or schizotypal personality disorder! Or schizoaffective! I’d like to see some actual names

Anyway that’s all that’s coming to me right now even though I’ve probably missed like fifty things for each of these lists……………… I hope that this has been a little bit helpful, maybe, somewhat, perhaps, who knows, I reserve the right to come back and say more things,

[maureenwritesblr]

untitled #2

Summary: no summary as of yet.

A/N: so it begins...

We slowly made our way to what they called the Mothership. It is essentially the training ship where all the recruits are brought after they first enlist. We are supposed to live there for the first five months of our training.

"God, I feel like I'm going to puke." Tanya says anxiously.

"Stop it. You'll be fine." I tell her.

"Okay, okay.." She says quietly, closing her eyes firmly.

I looked over at her sympathetically.

"Take some deep breaths, okay? I'm right here." I told her calmly.

I wished I could rub her back or something, to try and help soothe her nerves. The straps kept us tightly in place. I can't blame her for being nervous. The shuttle was tossing and shaking around, sometimes violently, all I did was close my eyes. Eventually, the ship found itself in the hangar. The straps immediately detached as the blast door of the shuttle opened. I got up, almost falling over from the change in gravity. I extended my hand to Tanya. She grabbed it tightly. I helped her up. She wobbled around the first few seconds but slowly regained her balance. We all made our way out of the shuttle and into the central hanger bay. I slowly gazed around. There were several other shuttles stationed inside, and I also noticed other groups of recruits. I'd say there would have been at least three hundred and fifty of us. Suddenly, a blue-colored slip is thrust into my hands.

"Line up in front of the officer holding your matching colored slip!" Yelled a short man who was handing out the small plastic cards.

I quickly looked over at Tanya. Hoping she had the same color card as me. She lifted a yellow card. I shook my head. Before I could make my way over to her, a man's chest blocks my view. I look up and notice a familiar face, James. He smiled down at me, holding up a matching blue card.

"Looks like we're on the same squad." He said in a cheery tone.

"True that." I agreed.

"What'd you think of the ride over?" He asked.

"I-It was good." I said, slowly trying to peer behind him.

"You looking for someone?" He asked with a quizzical look painted on his face.

"Yeah... my friend. Short, red hair," Before I could finish my sentence, she appeared next to James.

She shoved a blue card in my face. I tilted my head to the side and looked at her.

"And how did you get this?" I asked.

"I may or may not have won a rock, paper, scissors game for it." She giggled playfully.

"I wouldn't doubt it." I smiled, ruffling her hair.

I introduced James to Tanya before making my way over to the officer with a blue card in hand. The loud-mouthed man took us on a small tour of the ship and its facilities. He explained our routines. Wed be waking up every morning at seven am, sharp. We would then go to the mess hall along with all the other recruits and eat breakfast. We would have physical training from eight until twelve. Lunch, then we would have weapons and tactical training from two until four. We had personal recreational time from four until six, dinner, then bed. Repeat every day. After some time we finally finished, he leads us to the dorm area. I didn't share a room with Tanya. We sadly weren't able to choose our dorm-mates. I walked into the cramped living space. There were two beds, two dressers, two desks, and a fluorescent wall light illuminating the room. It seemed my roommate hadn't arrived yet, so I went ahead and sat on the bed on the right side of the room. The mattress was firm, the pillow was quite lovely, and the blankets were thick.

"Hey there." spoke a strong but feminine voice in the doorway.

My head snapped to the source of the sound, a tall, golden-haired girl with icy blue eyes walked in the room. She sat on the bed across from me and extended her hand for me to shake.

"Looks like we're going to be roommates, the names Elizabeth, but you can call me Liz." She told me.

I shook her hand firmly.

"Luna. Nice to meet you. Are you from Corriel too?" I asked.

"Likewise, and no. I'm from Maaia." She told me.

I should have noticed that. The Maaians are known for the majority of their population having striking light blue eyes. We talked about her people and my own. She tells me that her planet is simply beautiful, unlike my own. Liz is a strong woman; it seems. She knows a lot about nature and science. She used to study the environments on different planets but realized that there was a cause more important. Her dad served too. I guess we have one thing in common. I checked my watch. Twelve Thirty. Soon enough, we were called out of our rooms and back into the hallway. 

"I'm sure you're all hungry after the tour. Hopefully, you were paying enough attention and remember where the mess hall is because you kids are on your own. Now go get some grub." The man clasped his hands tightly and nodded at us. 

All the recruits looked around for a moment before heading down the hallway. I stayed back a second to meet up with Tanya. I greeted her with a quick hug before we got behind the others. 

"So, what'd you think of your roommate?" I asked. 

"She's pretty quiet. Her name is Kailey." She told me, sighing.

"Well, my roommate turned out to be pretty cool," I told her, nudging her arm playfully.

"Not as cool as you, of course." I beamed. 

Tanya smiled at my comment. I asked for her opinion on the tour. She told me that she thought everything was quite neat. She had never seen a ship so advanced before. Before enlisting, Tanya had worked on many Corrielan warships as a medic. She's already seen her fair share of ships and space. The mess hall was a large room with high ceilings. All the walls were gray and plain, rows of high-school cafeteria-like tables filled the room. We got into a long line and got ourselves a tray. The food was in the form of small nutrient bars, small but filling. They were dry and tasteless, but at least it was something. 

"So whaddya think?" A boy asked, holding a bar. 

"Not too bad, I suppose." I answered. 

"Wells, at your service." He nodded politely. 

"Luna and this is my good friend Tanya here." I gestured beside me.

Tanya smiled and waved shyly. I looked over at her.

"You think he's cute?" I asked her telepathically. 

"Get outta my head, meanie." She responded through her thoughts.

I chuckled to myself as she nudged my arm lightly. 

"What's so funny?" Wells asked curiously. 

"What? Oh, nothing." I smiled while answering his question.

"Mhm, for sure." He narrowed his eyes at me playfully before smiling. 

We talked with Wells, along with two other recruits he had introduced us to. Liam and Bella. It turns out those two were twins too, a rare sighting these days. Lunch was soon finished, and all the recruits were walking around the ship. Tanya and I found our way to the lounge. Several sofas and tables scattered around the room, along with some pool tables and a drink bar, robot-controlled, of course. 

"You go ahead. I'll grab drinks." I tell Tanya.

She heads off to find a vacant place to sit as I walk over to the small bar. I lean over the counter top, waiting for a chance to order. Eventually, the robot comes to my side of the bar, its human form but still metal and unemotional. 

"What would you like?" It asked with a monotone voice. 

"One murriel juice and ice water, please." I requested.

I looked around the room before sensing a familiar presence to the side of me. I glanced to my right, my eyes settling on James. 

"Can't seem to get rid of you, can I?" I asked, smirking up at him. 

He looked down at me, shaking his head. 

"Nope." He joked.

There was silence for a few moments.

"You could always come to sit with Tanya and me." I suggested, tilting my head slightly. 

"You sure? Wouldn't wanna bother you both." He said before turning to order his beverage. 

"Couldn't bother me even if you tried." I winked, grabbing Tanya and I's drinks. 

I felt James smile as I returned to my friend. I shook my head and smiled to myself, hoping that he wouldn't become too much of a distraction for me in the coming weeks. I took my seat on the firm sofa next to Tanya. I handed her the juice. 

"One murriel juice, for the lady." I said with a broad smile. 

"Thank you, miss." She joked. 

We talked about our goals and expectations for our upcoming training. I felt as if it wouldn't be too hard for me; being physically enhanced gives me an advantage that others don't. Some would call me a super soldier, but my enhancements were passed down through my family. I was worried about Tanya. She's a small girl, only five four. She's had minor physical training. 

"Hey, I was thinking, tomorrow during our rec hour, that I could take you down to the gym." I told her. 

"Why?" She questioned, furrowing her eyebrows. 

"I don't know. I thought I could teach you a few things, help you get ahead." I said tentatively, not wanting it to come out the wrong way.

"That actually sounds like a good idea. Thanks." She thanked me.

We put our glasses up for a moment. I looked down for a second, trying to imagine all of the possible outcomes of what will come next. It seems like we'll have to find that one out as we go. 

To be continued

[neo-3njou]

Audio Log 4 | Stardate 2204

@deckspair​

Check, check... Okay, I probably should explain why this is a thing.

Like I’ve said, I don’t believe all of us will make it out of here alive. Or the same as they are now. That’s why I want to immortalize them here in my own logs, a reminder of who they are, and not who they may or will be in the future whatever it holds. Call it a snapshot of the closest friends I’ve made down here, something I’ll be able to remember them by.

And hopefully, in the future, we can sit down and listen to this and laugh about it instead of saving it as a memorial of what used to be.

Let’s start out with my roommates. Shinobu Matsuba is a wonderful person who just needs a touch more confidence in themselves. Understandably, we became fast friends through just living together, but I think the events after the first motive helped bring us closer together - in suffering, admittedly, but hey, misery breeds character after all. Since then, we’ve been exploring around the submersible and trying to understand what’s keeping us here, and I’ve found out a couple more things about him that I didn’t know before. Hopefully, there will be more of those posters for me to collect and give to him - he seems really cheered up by them, helpful when we’re all stuck in this mess.

While I don’t always see eye to eye with Nonoka Kadoya, and not just because she likes to cover one of them up, she’s undoubtedly a wonderful roommate too. During the whole pudding debacle, I had to rely on her a little to keep an eye out on Shinobu-san - when I was pretty out of it myself, thanks fatigue and nausea. We’ve also had a duel, and while the outcome’s irrelevant I think we’ve managed to get to know each other better through it. I hope she doesn’t think I’m mocking her by replying in D&Dish... It’s actually kind of endearing, even if I don’t quite understand her half the time. Reminds me of an old chuunibyou friend of mine.

I don’t know if Law N. Oda thinks of me any more than a nuisance, but I’d like to be her friend... She needs to learn how to relax, that girl. Sixteen is no time of your life to take on so much responsibility, let alone try to be the boss of a class of dysfunctional, hormonal teenagers. I can at least sense that despite her strict nature and oftentimes domineering personality, there’s a sense of justice under all of that... but I’ll also admit talking to her can get on my nerves sometimes. Stubbornness must come with being short, as I can definitely attest. 

And while Sayuri Nishu is... pretty short as well, I imagine her stubbornness is muted in favour of a very graceful personality. I enjoy our talks together, not just because I’m hoping to go into the medical field like her someday, but it’s just... relaxing to be able to just talk to someone without worrying too much about the possibility that they’ll judge you. She doesn’t strike me as that kind of person, and for that I already like her a lot. Conversations seem to flow pretty easily between the two of us.

I don’t really know Mizuo Suido very well, but I’m at least certain he’s trying his best too. He’s Akira’s roommate, taller than me by over a foot, and has a palate for romantic vampire novels... Thankfully not the ones I’m familiar with, but it is quite amusing all the same. I don’t think we’re exactly friends just yet, more like friendly acquaintances... but there’s potential.

Conversely, I ended up knowing more about Kosuke Nakamura than I should probably have expected. Part of it was getting that picture in the mail, but the other part is probably how strongly he feels about it. And cats, but cats are a universal constant and conversation starter and it comes as to no surprise that  we bonded over mine. I hope you’re okay by the way, Haroo... I’ll be back soon.

Student council pres Genko Junshu has me both in awe and worried about her at times. Before and after trial, I could talk to her very easily and learn more on why she does things the way she do, but I can sense some discomfort within. Her view of the world... naive is too strong a word, perhaps quite unambiguous will suffice? It’s quite black and white, and while that’s not a bad thing, it’ll gnaw on her throughout her stay here if she can’t adapt. We’re out of our comfort zone and struggling to survive together as it is - I can’t help but fear for her if she ends up biting off more than she can personally chew. It doesn’t make her any less of a wonderful young woman, and I’m going to try my best to bring her back home.

Which applies to all of them, really, but even moreso Alotte Ness. This isn’t exactly the kind of welcoming I’d like for Japan to give Norway, and I can only hope that the reality of the situation will make her braver through time. But as long as she can hold onto the caring and sweet part of her demeanour and not compromise her very sincere morals, I think she’ll be just fine. I feel the need to just protect her... she’s too nice for this cutthroat regime. If things were different, I’d really have loved to, well, I suppose ruminating on that won’t help anyone, least of all each other. Right now we will just have to remain friends, I guess.

And of course, I’ve found a new big sister in Akira Akatsuki. Despite the fact we probably bully each other on a regular basis - correction, she bullies me, I only ever poke fun at her while she’ll flick my forehead - I think I feel the closest to her after knowing her for the weeks we’ve been here. She’s hilarious, kick-ass, takes absolutely no bullshit and honest even if it could get her in trouble... all the things I wish I could be and get away with it. Besides, we both come from lower privileged households, and I think we both know the value of what we have and what we have not. It’s a simple, refreshing outlook on life that we both can see, and I’m definitely going to see to it she goes to Universal Studios on her break, with her siblings. I’m going to let her have her day off even if it hurts me later.

The rest are just as important, well, most of them... But for some I just haven’t gotten to know them enough to form an opinion without jumping to conclusions, and others I’d rather not talk about. Muneyuki-sensei always said that if you haven’t anything nice to say about someone, best not to say anything at all. Discretion is the better part of valour... that, and I really don’t have anything complimentary I’d like to say right now about a certain few.

Just because I like people doesn’t mean I’m not biased or opinionated. Even god plays favourites sometimes.

That’s all I have to say for now. I’ll continue to cling onto that shred of hope that the rest of them will make it out somehow... even if the rational part of me knows that I shouldn’t be blindly optimistic. It’s not wrong to hold onto a smile, though, isn’t it?

Until next time. Nutty Neo, out.

[39haru-bom]

50 Questions Tag

I was tagged by @janarine - thank you 😄heheh.

I’ve never done anything like this before, so I hope I’m doing it right! Sorry if I mess up somehow.

1. What takes too much of your time?

Animal Crossing (New Leaf). I think I’m spending too much time on my town right now...

2. What makes your day better?

Talking to my best friend, she always cheers me up heheh. Writing, listening to music, and doing something music related too.

3. What’s the best thing that happened to you today?

I haven’t done much today, but my sister just baked a cake and let me try some, so that was pretty sweet.

4. What fictional place would you like to go to?

Yumenosaki. It’s really the only fictional place I can think of that I’d like to go to tbh. There’s this kid I go to school with that’s basically Tori anyway.

5. Are you good at giving advice?

Eh, sometimes (I think). People say I am, but sometimes I don’t think anything I say makes any sense. I do like to help people out though!

6. Do you have any mental illness?

Anxiety.

7. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis?

I don’t think so. But I do have a lot of very dark and vivid dreams.

8. What musician inspired you the most?

Definitely Stray Kids. Not only their music and lyrics inspire me and help me get through things, but also them themselves - idk I look up to them a lot.

Bolbbalgan4/BOL4 and SHISHAMO influence me a lot musically as well.

9. Have you ever fallen in love?

Nope. I mean, I’ve had a crush before, but I wouldn’t call it love.

10. What’s your dream date?

I’m not sure, but maybe either something at home where it feels cozy, or maybe at a cafe? Idk I just really like cafes.

11. What do others notice about you?

Maybe my height? I used to have teeth that stuck out, but now I’m just pretty average.

12. What is an annoying habit you have?

Biting my lips. I really hate that I do this.

13. Do you still talk to your first love?

Referring to the person I used to have a little crush on - yes, we’re pretty good friends.

I’m pretty sure anyway.

14. How many ex’s do you have?

None. I don’t think much about dating.

15. How many songs are in your playlist?

There are around 3500 on my main playlist. I’m always listening to music, and I’m always adding more.

16. What instruments can you play?

I’m learning to play ukulele. I really like playing it heheh, and I’m going to start writing my own stuff soon I think.

I was learning guitar, but I lost interest and had no patience for it.

17. Who do you have the most pictures of?

I have more memes and reaction images saved on my phone than anything else (whoops). But putting those aside, I have a lot of pictures of Mika Kagehira. But if we’re talking about real people, I’d say Stray Kids - Hyunjin, Felix and Chan to narrow it down.

18. Where would you like to go before you die?

I definitely want to visit Italy and see where my family comes from! I really want to learn more about my family and Italy.

19. What is your zodiac?

Libra! ♎️

20. Do you relate to it?

Yeah? Sometimes I guess.

21. What is happiness to you?

I’m not very good with words or my thoughts, but happiness to me is enjoying and embracing what you have, whether it be people, objects, or anything else, and accepting yourself? Enjoying the nice moments you have with people maybe. I guess that’s basically my take on true happiness.

22. Are you going through anything right now?

Hmm, maybe a little bit right now. But I’m trying to stay positive for those around me.

23. What’s the worst decision you’ve ever made?

I had this really good friend a couple of years ago. She always looked out for me, made sure I wasn’t alone in class, etc etc. it was a bit hard for me to sit with her sometime though, seeing as she was in that more “popular” group of people. I started sitting with other people after a bit because I thought that it’d be easier on her, but I still regret not talking to her about it first. I’m not very good with communication. We don’t talk anymore and that kind of makes me a bit sad, but that’s my fault, and I know that. I’m trying to become a bit better now, and it’s taught me to take other people’s feelings into consideration (I believe that people are in your lives sometimes to reach you something, so I guess this is one of the things that she has taught me).

24. What’s your favourite store?

In general, Big W 😂 because I always find myself wanting to go there for some strange reason. Either that or Temt or QBD Books.

25. What’s your opinion on abortion?

I guess it depends on the situation, but ultimately it’s a person’s own choice whether or not they want it, it’s not my position to tell them yes or no.

26. Do you keep a bucket list?

Yes! I’ve always had an idea of what I wanted to be on it, but recently I’ve started to write one :)

27. Do you have a favourite album?

I don’t really have a favourite album, but to name a few that I really like are any of Stray Kids’ albums, MCR’s The Black Parade, and Broken Iris’ “The Eyes of Tomorrow” (sorry it takes me back to my “emo” days).

28. What do you want for your birthday?

I don’t really want anything in the aspect of presents, but I’d really like to have dinner with my family. I really like to spend time with my family.

29. What are most people’s first impression of you?

A lot of people think I’m the shy nice girl, which I guess is true-

Until I get comfortable with you, then I’m really hyper and loud heheh.

30. What age do you seem according to most people?

Well, I’ll be turning 16 this year. I don’t know what age I seem like to people right now, but I know that when I was younger I looked a lot older than what I was.

I was always really tall for my age, but I think now I’m not that tall in comparison to some girls in my grade.

31. Where do you keep your phone while your sleeping?

I usually keep in one of my drawers next to my bed. I don’t like to keep it right next to my head while I’m sleeping, but I like to have it close to me incase I need to write something down, especially if I get an idea for something I’m writing.

32. What word do you say the most?

Definitely “like”. I always say “like, uh” a lot, and also “you know?”, although that’s two words.

33. What’s the oldest age you would date?

As of right now, maybe 17, maybe 18? I think I’m still a bit too young to date anyone older than that, but when I’m a bit older, a 3-4 year age gap would be fine I guess.

34. What’s the youngest age you would date?

I’m not sure. Maybe 15? I don’t think I’m really ready for dating anyway... lmao.

35. What job/career do most people say would suit you?

My family and friends when I was younger used to say that I should be a model? But I think they were just being nice. I also think it was because of how tall I am.

I also was told once or twice that I should be a nurse, since I care a lot for people I guess. I don’t think I have a real interest in the medical field though, I think all of my interests lie in the creative sort of field.

With that being said, my dream job is actually to be a florist :)

36. What’s your favourite music genre?

I don’t really have a favourite genre, or a specific genre I listen to. I listen to lots of different genres in lots of different languages, as I like to keep an open mind- I‘m really interested in other cultures and countries, especially their languages as I find many languages very pretty.

But if I had to narrow it down, then maybe indie and punk rock?

37. If you could live in any country in the world, where would it be?

I’m going to be 100% honest-

Hands down, I’d stay in Australia. I’m sorry, I just really love my country. It’s my home after all.

But if I had to choose another country, then maybe Italy or Japan?

38. What is your current favourite song?

There are too many songs that I absolutely love.

But my absolute favourite song is Awkward Silence by Stray Kids. It always makes me happy somehow whenever I listen to it.

39. How long have you had this blog for?

I started this blog almost a year ago to try and make friends that are into the same things as me, but unfortunately due to my anxiety and nonexistent social skills I could never bring myself up to speak to anyone.

I started posting and reblogging things on here not too long ago though, so I guess that’s when I finally started using this blog.

40. What are you excited for?

I’m going to America in a couple of months. Although it makes me extremely anxious, I’m kind of excited for it still.

41. Are you a better talker or listener?

I’m 50/50. Sometimes I chat people’s ears off, but then sometimes I like to listen to people and people always say that I’m a good listener. I guess it all depends.

42. What is the last productive thing you did?

I did some unfinished homework. I’m on school break right now so I’m trying not to be lazy for once.

43. What do you want for Christmas?

I literally just want to spend time with my family heheh, I don’t ever really have anything to ask for for Christmas or my birthday.

44. What classes do you get the best grades in?

Japanese. It’s the only class that calms me and gives me sanity (usually), so I’m actually able to focus for once.

45. On a scale of 1-10, how are you feeling right now?

8. I’m feeling pretty all right, since school holidays just started, but for some reason I constantly feel stressed and worried, and I’m always tired since I get hardly any sleep. But my plan is to

46. What can you see yourself doing in 10 years?

Hopefully I’m a florist heheh.

47. When did you first get your heartbreak?

I’ve never had a love related heartbreak, but the first time I ever felt my heart shatter was in year 4 when I was told my great grandmother passed away. I was really close with her and I still miss her a lot.

48. At what age do you want to get married?

I’ve never really thought about this. Should I be? Whoopsie.

Maybe late twenties? I’m not sure.

49. What career did you want to have as a child?

There were MANY things I wanted to be when I was little.

I wanted to be a figure skater, ballerina, model, preschool teacher, nurse, police officer, artist of some kind, writer, singer, actor, dancer, and the list goes on. But I really regret not working towards being a figure skater when I was younger, I really wish I was one heheh.

50. What do you crave right now?

Proper sleep.

I’m tagging @kyoko-yuuki :)

I only have one person to tag, don’t have many mutuals lol.

Sorry it took me a bit to finish it, I’m not really good with a lot of things :P

[callieshipman]

the 100 tag game!

i was (sort of) tagged by @easilydistractedbyfanfic! thanks <3

1. What Station on the Ark would you be from?

I like to think Farm, I love plants! But also maybe Polaris, because getting caught up in someone else’s drama and then dying offscreen is probably about how my TV life would go. 

2. What would you get arrested for on the Ark?

...making an inappropriate joke about treason? this is based off the fact that I once made a joke about overthrowing the government whilst touring Parliament and did NOT notice the policeman behind me.

3. Would you take off your wristband when you landed on the ground?

 my mum thinks I’m dead if she sees I don’t reply to her texts within five minutes so i’m gonna say no because i hate worrying people lmao

4 What would the necklace Finn would make for you look like? (Clarke: deer/Raven: a raven duh..)

i have so much dragonfly stuff, so probably that! i don’t even know where that came from, but it seems fitting.

5. If you could resurrect any MINOR character who would it be?

100% maya vie, the revolution queen always and forever! though she is not minor in my Heart

6. Create a squad of 5 characters to go on missions with. Who are they?

Bellamy, Monty, Raven, Abby, Indra! Between them they cover our bases of leadership, plants, machines, medicine, and general badassery

7. What Grounder Clan would you belong to you?

Shallow Valley looked like exactly the kind of place I’d like :)

8. What would your name be in Trigedasleng? (example: Octavia=Okteivia…just make it up!)

This is hard for Tabby! I guess Tabi?

9. Thoughts on Finn? Some people hate him, and others love him, so I’m curious

i’m not gonna sing his praises, but i think he’s more complex than some people give him credit for.  he did terrible things, but i’m never gonna get behind the grounder agenda of spending hours torturing a child to death. i recognise that this is entirely bonkers to say in the universe of the 100, but that dude should have had a fair trial

10. Be honest. How willing would you have been to take the chip without knowing all the horrible things it does?

i wouldn’t do it! also i have trouble with pills, there’s no way i’m dry swallowing that massive hunk of plastic

11. What character do you relate to most?

monty!! i have also watched people i love deeply fall apart, and his struggles in season 4 really resonate with me. but on a lighter note, i also relate to his sense of humour and his deep seated need to snark at people. and eating leaves.

12. What character do you like the least?

i’m gonna go with Cage Wallace, because fuck that guy. he’s just smarmy, it annoys me lmao

13. Describe your delinquent outfit. (Would you wear something like Murphy’s jacket with the spikey red shoulder patch or have a trademark like Jasper’s goggles? Be creative, yet practical)

i would probably have a pretty normal shirt and a thick jumper. i like yellow, but that probably wouldn’t fare so well with hiding in the woods and such so i’m gonna go with a dark green. that + trousers + my trusty walking boots.

14. Favourite type of mutant animal?

the glowing butterflies are pretty great!

15. What would your job be on the Ark?

probably counselling or something? i can’t imagine i’d be very high up, but probably with people a lot, i’m no good with machines

16. Would you have willingly pumped Ontari’s heart if Abby asked?

yeah but my face would be like D: the whole time

17. If Lexa wasn’t Heda, but she was still alive then who would have made the best commander?

Indra’s my go-to! she has experience, she’s level-headed, she’s respected, and clearly a strong fighter. i would follow her into war is what i’m saying here

18. How would you act if you ate the hallucinogenic nuts like Jasper and Monty?

i’d probably get loud and just start talking over people and offering opinions that no one asked for then fall asleep

19. How would you have dealt with Charlotte’s crime? A more John Murphy approach or Bellamy Blake approach?

i’d never have turned her away from the camp, but she definitely wouldn’t get away with it scot-free and i’d probably keep her away from the others to keep her and everyone else safe

20. Who should have been the Chancellor, if anyone?

jake griffin :’) he has a strong code of ethics, he’s smart, and he’s kind

21. Would you have been on Pike’s side like Bellamy or on Kane’s side? Or Clarke in Polis?

Kane’s, but probably somewhat removed from the drama

22. Mount Weather had a lot of modern commodities. (example: Maya’s Ipod) What is the one thing you would snatch while there?

i feel like i should say their advanced medical supplies, but i’d probably just take the iPod tbh! love me some music and i know maya had good taste

23. What would your Grounder tattoos look like? Hairstyle? War paint?

i looooove those winding tattoos that go all around arms and legs like vines, so maybe something like that? and my hair is pretty short so i’d probably wear it as it is, but maybe add tiny braids. as for war paint, i can’t be bothered to do regular makeup so i don’t know if i’d even do it. minimal if anything.

24. Favorite quote?

“My mom was the revolutionary. I’m just trying to make things right.” It’s Maya lovin’ hours! i don’t know why, i just really like this one. i’m not sure it’s my favourite, but i can’t think of anything else right now

25. If all of the characters were in the Hunger Games, who would have the best shot at winning?

Octavia, but only if someone else killed Bellamy, she’d never do it

26. Least favorite ship? Favorite canon ship? Favorite non canon ship? NOT INCLUDING CL OR BC OR BE

Least: uhh i don’t really dislike any ships that much but i guess i never really got the cl.exa hype

Favorite canon: up until s5, i really loved kabby! afterwards, i have no idea tbh a lot of the ships didn’t quite do it for me in s5 but i enjoy becho

Favorite non-canon: i’m hoping for the rise of niytavia this season ;)

27. A song that should be included in the next season? If there had to be another guest star like Shawn Mendes on the show, who would you want to make a cameo?

john mulaney. next question please.

28. What would you do if you were stuck in the bunker with Murphy for all that time?

well hopefully we become friendly but i would probably also go a bit nuts

29. You’re an extra that gets killed off. How do you die?

i choke on berries in the background of a massive fight scene

30. A character you’d like to learn more about and get flashbacks of?

Indra :0

31. A character you’d bang?

raven but preferably not just bc she’s sad again. also i would like to not perish immediately afterwards.

32. Would you stay in the Bunker? Go up to Space? Or live on your own in Eden?

spacekru! i would not survive either of the other environments at all

33. In the Bunker, would you follow Octavia? What would you do to pass the time underground?

i like to think i’d be the leader of some cool underground revolution, but publicly i’d follow her because she’s terrifying. i think i’d read and write and sleep a lot

34. What crime would you commit in the Bunker that lands you in the fighting pits?

underground revolution as mentioned above! alternatively, i am the blanket thief

35. Up in Space, who would you bond with first? Who would be the most difficult for you to get along with?

the100!tabby is gonna follow monty everywhere, let’s be real. i like to think we’d get on. as for most difficult...i’m not good at reaching out to people, so it would probably be a while before i ended up close with echo purely by virtue of neither of us ever starting a conversation

36. How long do you think you would last on Earth by yourself?

oh god, not long at all. i have zero survival skills, i’d starve. madi would have to parent ME

37. When the Eligius ship lands what do you do?

probably reveal myself and make it very clear i am in no way a threat- i’m not clarke griffin, i’m 5′4, unarmed, and i look like i’m made of noodles

38. Favourite Eligius character? Least favorite?

favourite: diyoza no competition (except sassy rewind guy)

least favourite - mccreary but in a fun way

39. Would you Spacewalk?

absolutely not you couldn’t pay me to do that

40. Would you prefer to eat Windshield Bugs, Space Algae, or Bunker Meat?

algae...for monty :)

41. Would you start a war for the last spot of green on earth? What would your solution be to avoid it?

i would try the negotiations! i’m sure they could have gotten somewhere in peace talks

42. Would you rather dig out flesh-eating worms or stick thumb drives into bullet holes?

thumb drives in bullet holes- the worms are much worse

43. Are you willing to poison your sister for the Traitor Who You Love? What would you do to stop Octavia?

yeah i’d do it, but i’d hate it. i’d try to avoid killing her, but if she needs to be incapacitated, then i’d do it for the safety of everyone else

44. Would you go to sleep in cryo or stay awake like Marper?

probably sleep, i’m not sure i could handle that life in isolation

45. Who are you waking up first to explore the new planet?

more or less the same lot. i’d actually wake Gaia too, she’s the Flamekeeper and might know some helpful hints about flame culture and stuff. she certainly knows the history. 

i’m tagging: @commanderclarke @paintingbellarke @sarka-stically and anyone else who wants to do it!

[naruto-scenarios-plus-akatsuki]

I have a little bit of a complicated request? Madara is has a newly pregnant s/o he'd been secretly seeing but they're not an Uchiha. Since s/o is pregnant, Madara wants to inform and introduce Izuna and the s/o since they're both important to him. Can you give Madara's thought process and methods to introduce them /as well/ as Izuna's reaction and thoughts?? I would be forever grateful! 🙏💕💕💕

Hopefully this is fine and satisfies your curiosity? It sounded a little rough to me. I not use to writing Madara and I’m new to Izuna. There’s not much on Izuna except he had that Uchiha pride and was unforgiving. So I kind of picture him like Sasuke but a little bit softer. Like he’s a jerk to people that dont know him but he has a playful side when you do know him. Thank you for the request! 

Madara introducing his s/o to Izuna

Madara had fucked up, which he couldn’t even admit to himself.

If anything, it was more of his partner’s fault than his, he believed. He knew the truth though. It was neither one’s fault. Could you two have used more protection? Yes, but Madara had been too stirred by the heat of the moment to think about grabbing a condom.

He knew you were on birth control. You hadn’t missed a single day and were always right on schedule to take it. He even inspected to make sure you hadn’t skipped purposefully. You hadn’t. It was truly an accident. An accident that he wasn’t going to say he was to blame for.

The newly forming life in your womb was all fate. That’s really all he could blame. Who knew from this one time that the pill wasn’t going to work for you. He surely didn’t, which was why he was still grumbling about it.

Madara wasn’t necessarily mad about having a baby. He always knew that you were going to be the one he would settle down with and marry in the future. He didn’t mind the thought of having children with you. He just didn’t plan to have children right now. It wrinkled his plans.

Although he was peeved and giving you a hard time, he did not feel resentment towards the baby. He was actually very pleased that you were having his child and felt a new wave of responsibility fall over his shoulders.

It was a duty that he was learning to accept as he was going to be keen on making sure that his baby stayed healthy and safe.

However with this unexpected news, came the realization that Madara was going to have to announce his relationship with you publicly. Well, mostly to his family and clan.

His relationship with you was kept under wraps as he wasn’t too sure how the clan elders would feel about him dating someone outside of the clan. Also, he wanted to help protect you by hiding your affiliation to him from his enemies. The Senju clan had been ruthless in the past by killing his brothers, he wasn’t going to have them discover you.

He had to have no weakness, so he kept you hidden. You had understood his decision and did not seek him out in public or mention your relationship with any one. You were a rather private individual as well and you knew the risk of dating an Uchiha in this time of warring states. It was even more dangerous since you were dating the clan leader of the Uchiha no less.

Madara huffed a bit impatiently as you finished getting ready. You were concerned about how pregnant you looked. In all honesty, you were barely showing after only eight weeks of pregnancy. You had only learned that you were pregnant after two skipped periods and the onset of nausea you had been feeling recently. Madara brought a special medic to see you because you were so ill and that was how both of you learned of the life growing inside you.

You were shocked upon learning the news but all the rest of your symptoms began to make sense. You were deeply blissed at the thought of having Madara’s baby, but looking upon his face you knew he wasn’t elated. It took a week for him to roam over his thoughts and let the news sink in.

The discontent of the situation mostly stemmed from the secrecy of his relationship with you. He was going to have to release the news he had been keeping from his family. Which left him in deep thought as he had to devise a new plan. He soon came to the decision of introducing you to his younger brother first and then slowly mentioning you to everyone else.

It was going to be a pain and he knew he was going to receive some backlash for it. That’s why he had to prepare. You meant the world to him and he wasn’t going to let others stop him from being with you.

Although you were happy Madara was going to stay with you and announce your relationship to his family, you were rightfully nervous. This not only put a target on your back to enemies of the Uchiha but you were possibly going to be ridiculed and scrutinized. It took all the confidence in your being to walk proudly beside Madara. You weren’t going to let your nervousness show and you were glad Madara decided to introduce you to his brother first.  

Madara escorted you to the fields behind his home where he said he knew his brother would be. You walked steadily beside Madara, not holding his hand nor showing any sign that you two were a couple. Madara spotted his little brother, Izuna, and approached him.

“Izuna,” Madara called catching the young man’s attention.

Izuna’s eyes fell on Madara, “Brother.” He halted his training, standing upright when he soon noticed you. “Who’s the guest?” Izuna quipped, curiously.

Izuna knew it was unlike his brother to bring a stranger home. Upon inspecting you, Izuna could not see any indication of your purpose here. You were not a shinobi and you didn’t appear to be a medical assistant.

You were rather plain looking and seemed to be a commoner, if anything.

“Y/N.” Madara answered his brother flatly as he gestured at you with his head. “Y/N, this is my younger brother, Izuna,” he introduced.

You smiled at the dark-haired man, bowing faintly. “It’s nice to meet you,” you greeted in a friendly tone. You could feel the weight of the young man’s stare pierce you.

“Yea, why am I meeting them?” Izuna stated bluntly, wanting to get to the point. He was looking back over to Madara with his eyes narrowed.

He knew his brother never did something without a reason.

“Y/N and I are involved and they’ll be expecting my child soon,” Madara commented, straight-faced.

It took a moment for Izuna to register his brother’s words as a look of confusion clouded his face. Your cheeks became flushed, embarrassed how Madara announced your relationship so forwardly as being involved. You waited patiently for Izuna’s reaction as realization hit him and his eyes grew wide. His eyes snapped back to you again.

“They don’t look pregnant,” Izuna blurted out.

You giggled, airily at his response. “Awe, thank you! Madara says the baby bump is obvious. He made me fret,” you mentioned, trying to remain conversational. Both Uchiha brothers didn’t budge as Madara had ignored your remark and Izuna’s stood skeptical.

Izuna’s eyes solely focused in on you as he tried to analyze your soft features. It was hard for him to assess you, knowing your worth must be far greater than what he could see. He knew Madara wouldn’t pick someone so carelessly to get involved with and he was interested to learn what type of person you were.

“What of the elders?” Izuna spoke after a pause, bringing his eyes to Madara.

“What of them?” Madara remarked carelessly, his tone deep. “They wanted heirs, a new succession of the Uchiha. I have provided such.”

“They’re an outsider.”

Your stomach dropped at that, you had been afraid of such. Afraid they would look down on you and reject you because you were not a warrior.

“So? Their opinions are of little concern to me. Besides, why should they care? They’ll be dead in a few years anyway,” Madara commented, his tone sounding aggravated but his posture was completely relaxed.

Izuna began chuckling as you gawked inwardly at Madara. You couldn’t believe he would say such things in front of his own kin about his clan.

Although you weren’t sure how Izuna saw your relationship, you smiled despite yourself. Feeling oddly ignored and out of place in this conversation.

Izuna’s low chuckling soon ended with a playful smirk taking its place upon his face. His coal eyes fell on you again but you saw a gleam to them this time. His whole demeanor had changed as he welcomed you invitingly.  

“I didn’t think I was going to learn that I was going to be an uncle today, but it’s certainly a charming surprise. Welcome to the family,” Izuna greeted you, smiling cheekily.  

Suddenly you felt relieved as a weight you didn’t know was there lifted from your shoulders. You could only hope that meeting the rest of Madara’s family would go smoothly as well.