so usually when i post any kinda personal text post its venting and i feel bad about that cause like ive made so much positive progress too. so im gonna share how happy i am about all that shit for once (vent posts help though and i wont mute myself on my own blog because ive held my tongue for long enough in my lifetime.)
couple of months ago i forced myself to reach out. it was just a post asking about any gw2blr discords or guild, but jesus christ did the thought of posting that scare me. i drafted it like three times.
then i made myself post it before i went to bed. "whatever happens, happens." and i got help. i got an invite a server and pointed towards a guild. (i never actually asked about the guild. at the moment, being the person to dm someone still causes my brain to seize up. im working on it, and its ONLY Being The One to Start to conversation. chatting with people in dms is not the actual issue.)
then, I Forced myself to talk and introduce myself to the few people online when i joined the server. I was frightened to accept but i remembered some invites close after 24 hours and i didnt want to deal with explaining i needed another one because i was too anxious to accept the first.
and since then ive been able to take steps forward without any of my worst experiences happening again. I love that discord server. I finally have a friend group for the actual first time in my life. no one has been rude or mean or brushed me off or ignored me like i was fucking petrified would repeat.
I was right all along. only that person treated me like that. my dad was right all along. the most innocuous, normal shit can really change someone's day, or life.
Now it hurts to slip backwards into habits of assuming ill be thrown away or ignored- silence isnt a weapon anymore, my words arent twisted into the worst possible interpretation. no more interagations, no more demands to justify myself, no more feeling like i have to justify EVERY SENTENCE I say.
no more making myself be quiet and invisible out of fear alone.
so next step forward is getting over my fear that the simple act of Being the person to Start a private conversation is an invitation to be slapped away. To be brushed off again.
I'm finally fucking free and i dont worry ANY WHERE NEAR as much as i used to, im so fucking free and i cant wait to move forward.
I can finally be myself. I am finally happy.
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✨ weekend wip exposure club ✨
rules: post 7 sentences/a snippet of an unfinished work
@theotherwhybietoldmeso & @killerandhealerqueen
I'm late, I'm late, I'm late. Forgive me. I was fighting demons (imposter syndrome, crippling self doubt, fatigue, and a wild pack of mental illnesses). (◕દ◕) But! I'm finally back after like three ass weeks. <( ̄︶ ̄)> So, here! A v unserious snippy from my we have to stay silly modern kidlaw au (yeah, shocker, it's them bastards again) that I've been doing sometimes on the side just for shits n giggles. 〜(꒪꒳꒪)〜
The call connected and Killer's accent crackled out of the speaker. “Law? What's up?”
“Nothing urgent. I just need to know if Eustass h—”
“Yeah, his phone’s dead again. He's in the shed. You want him?”
“What?”
“Hang on. I'll get him.”
Law pinched the bridge of his nose. Squeezed his eyes shut till he saw pinpricks. “No, I just need to know if—”
"Oi, Kid! Your boyfriend wants to speak ta ya!"
Law snapped his eyes back open and nearly crushed his phone as his hand clenched in a useless attempt to smother the speaker.
Ahead of him in the aisle, hands in his pockets, Cora stopped. His leg held out in front of him as he froze mid-stride.
Dammit.
After a beat, as if he'd been waiting for what he'd heard to start making a little more sense, Cora slowly turned on his heel. His other leg still stuck out in front of him and the hem of his heart-covered button-up twirling with him.
He stared wide-eyed at Law. The embodiment of flabbergasted. His raised boot absently clicking down on the supermarkets’ bland tiling like an accompanying exclamation point.
Dammit!
"He's not my damn boyfriend!" Eustass yelled, taking the words out of Law's mouth.
The heavy rock blasting from the shed’s stereo lowered enough in volume to not blow out Law's phone speaker and Eustass' voice dropped several octaves as he brought Killer's phone up to his ear.
“Miss me, did ya, sweetheart?”
His eyes bulging, Cora took several steps back in bewilderment and tripped over one of the restocking boxes stacked in the aisle.
"Shut up, Eustass!" Law snapped. His face igniting alongside his fury. "You're on speaker!"
There was a pause so pregnant it had reached its third trimester. Then Eustass chuckled. It had a grotesque amount of facetious glee in it.
"Am I now?"
So. That had been a mistake. But Law could only double down now.
"Behave," he said through clenched teeth. "Or I'll—"
"You'll what? Don't go making promises you can't keep, princess."
Cora toppled back over the box trying to get up and landed on his back with his legs sticking straight up.
"I'm going to—!" Catching Cora's eye from down on the floor, Law sighed. "Doesn't matter. I'll deal with you later. Cora-san wants to know if you have any dietary restrictions.”
He scrunched down into his jacket. Tense. Gritting his teeth. Law still wasn't sure how Cora had talked him into letting him come over and cook dinner. But if it had been a bad idea before, it was a horrendous one now.
Eustass Kid was an arsehole. Always had been. Always would be. Always was. There wasn't a chance in hell he could be trusted not to—
"Hold up. Cora's there?"
"Yesss," Law hissed, ready to brain him.
“Put him on then.”
“Don't tell me what to do!”
Cora looked from Law to the phone and then accepted it when Law clicked his tongue on his teeth in irration and offered it down to him.
Tagging @schwazombie (no pressure. You keep working on those kidlawgust prompts if you're still on a roll 😊) and anyone else that wants to give it a whirl ✨✨
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