#hoping the pain would end | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

creativebrainrot · 2 years

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so usually when i post any kinda personal text post its venting and i feel bad about that cause like ive made so much positive progress too. so im gonna share how happy i am about all that shit for once (vent posts help though and i wont mute myself on my own blog because ive held my tongue for long enough in my lifetime.)

couple of months ago i forced myself to reach out. it was just a post asking about any gw2blr discords or guild, but jesus christ did the thought of posting that scare me. i drafted it like three times.

then i made myself post it before i went to bed. "whatever happens, happens." and i got help. i got an invite a server and pointed towards a guild. (i never actually asked about the guild. at the moment, being the person to dm someone still causes my brain to seize up. im working on it, and its ONLY Being The One to Start to conversation. chatting with people in dms is not the actual issue.)

then, I Forced myself to talk and introduce myself to the few people online when i joined the server. I was frightened to accept but i remembered some invites close after 24 hours and i didnt want to deal with explaining i needed another one because i was too anxious to accept the first.

and since then ive been able to take steps forward without any of my worst experiences happening again. I love that discord server. I finally have a friend group for the actual first time in my life. no one has been rude or mean or brushed me off or ignored me like i was fucking petrified would repeat.

I was right all along. only that person treated me like that. my dad was right all along. the most innocuous, normal shit can really change someone's day, or life.

Now it hurts to slip backwards into habits of assuming ill be thrown away or ignored- silence isnt a weapon anymore, my words arent twisted into the worst possible interpretation. no more interagations, no more demands to justify myself, no more feeling like i have to justify EVERY SENTENCE I say.

no more making myself be quiet and invisible out of fear alone.

so next step forward is getting over my fear that the simple act of Being the person to Start a private conversation is an invitation to be slapped away. To be brushed off again.

I'm finally fucking free and i dont worry ANY WHERE NEAR as much as i used to, im so fucking free and i cant wait to move forward.

I can finally be myself. I am finally happy.

#the discord im talking about is Slei's #He has no fuckin clue how much fear & anxiety i pushed through just to introduce myself #fox and silv legit have no fucking idea how much they helped out by treating me like a regular personlmao #i have had. a life. boy have i.#I finally look forward to tomorrow after 21 years of wondering and begging #hoping the pain would end #and im so fucking happy i did #hoping was the best thing i ever fucking did #and i cant wait to see what tomorrow brings #I am finally happy #rotthoughts

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birdy-babe · 4 months

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"And for my own health, I’ll remind myself:

That when I see him

I know that it won’t feel so tough

I’ll believe him

And not the voice that says I’m not enough

No need for an arrangement

It can just be him

and me

I’ll set us free

How perfect it could be

When i see him

Tonight"

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blackkatdraws2 · 5 months

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I have a lot of leftover drawings in my gallery. [Blank Scripts AU]

[Content Warning: Images below contain Gore, Death, and Disturbing/Uncomfortable Imagery]

I find it a bit cute knowing they start out as crazy and then slowly settle into something calmer and relatively healthier after learning to adapt to each other's lust-turned-love. [Stanley did it first but hey :3]

#tsp blank scripts au #they love each other [genuinely] theyd rather die if theyre to go without each other by this point #hhmmm I hope the last few images arent too damning #These two go through a lot during the progression of their relationship #and I wanted to showcase that yknow?#theyre demented but theyre just perfect for each other kind of way #lovingly tearing each other apart and rebuilding each other to do it over and over again #repeating this dull process of endings over and over and finding ways to keep themselves entertained #this place was never even meant to be fun #but now that theyve gotten entangled with each other #they cant help but want to play around #even if its just for a little bit?#work can continue later right?#they love each other a little bit too much they actually need to be put in a separate cage #like a spider and a praying mantis #is it painful? yes. is it fun? also yes. do they like doing it only to each other and nobody else? YES.#their psych is genuinely so fun to explore and dissect #I had a lot of fun making these despite how deranged they look #something about them.... it drives both to do things they would never even consider doing to anybody else... but towards each other #you know what i mean? or am i just yapping nonsense again.#horror #the stanley parable #the stanley parable ultra deluxe #tsp #tspud #tsp au #tsp narrator #narrator tsp #stanley tsp #tsp stanley

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larsnicklas · 4 months

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#doitforhim (our beloved wife and boyfriend)

#brock boeser #vancouver canucks #canucks #nhl #nhledit #hockey #hockeyedit #meg.nucks #meg.gif #meg.all #scp24 #i am LITERALLY deep in despair....#he would never say this but I WILL —#it's not that i don't believe in them it's that i DON'T EVEN WANT THEM TO MOVE FORWARD if he can't be part of it </3 #NOT him man. NOT the first spark of hope; the first light at the end of the tunnel.#NOT the longest tenured canuck who's been so instrumental all season and into the playoffs.........#life is pain princess!!!!#anyway. happy gameday :(

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sluckythewizard · 4 months

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[PUT INTO PLACE, TIED DOWN AND ARRANGED, AND IS NEVER THE SAME, AGAIN.]<-listen to my favorite songs. VAMPIRES ARE WONDERFUL ARENT THEY. THE FLESH IS SO MUCH MORE DURABLE. SO MUCH STRETCHIER THAN HUMANS. THE STRESS DOESNT KILL A VAMPIRE THE SAME WAY IT DOES A HUMAN. YOU CAN TAKE THEM APART THREAD BY THREAD AND LEAVE THEM WIDE AWAKE WITHOUT WORRY OF THE BRAINMATTER SPOILING UNDER VINEGARY AGONY.

#cw gore #WEEEE WHIPPING OUT ALL MY BELOVED PIXEL HORROR GAME SOUNDTRACKS FOR THIS ONE #STILL A WIP #SORTA. FORKSFORKSFORKS INSPIRED ME TO START WORKIN AT IT AGAIN. AND NOW IT LIVES. IT LIIIVEESS!!!#MOSLT.Y ATLEAST. I MIGHT MESS W IT MORE LATER. WE SHALL SEE. ANYWAY GABRIEL MONTEZ HUH. WOW POOR GUY #THERES A FASCINATING FEELING THAT COMES WITH BEING ON A OPERATING TABLE.AND BEING IN IMMENSE PAIN #ONE OF MY FONDEST MEMORIES IS LAYING ON A DENTIST CHAIR. SHAKING AND INVOLUNTARILY CRYING AFTER MANY MANY #NEEDLES TO MY THE MOUTH. I METABOLIZE THE NUMBING STUFF QUICKLY APPARENTLY. THEY NEEDED ALOT OF NUMBING SHOTS #BUT I WASNT AFRAID OR DISTRESSED. THE DENTIST WAS VERYVERY NICE AND ALSO UH. PRETTY. BUT THATS BESIDE THE POINT #THE POINT IS. THAT IT WAS FASCINATING TO REALIZE MY PHYSICAL RESPONSE TO PAIN UNDER A CONTROLLED ENVIRONMENT #I DIDNT KNOW HOW EASY IT WAS TO SHAKE AND TO CRY PRYVIOUS TO THAT EXPERIENCE.MY DENTAL ADVENTURES CONTINUE #THEY CONTINUE TO HELP ME UNDERSTAND WHAT ITS LIKE FOR PAIN TO BOIL AWAY THE TIME. TO DISTORT THE PASSING HOURS AND CONSUME EVERY THOUGHT #DO YOU REMEMBER PAIN? THE MOST SEVERE PAIN IN YOUR LIFE? NOW WILL YOU IMAGINE RED LIGHTS? RED LIGHTS AND SHIFTING FIGURES #NOW WILL YOU IMAGINE PAIN UNRELENTING.PAIN WORLD SHATTERING.PAIN IMMORTAL.CAN YOU IMAGINE BEING PULLED APART #THE HUMAN MIND CAN ONLY WITHSTAND SO MUCH PAIN BEFORE IT SHUTS DOWN AND HIDES.IT NEEDS TO PROTECT ITSELF AFTERALL. PAIN CAN ALTER #PAIN SHIFTS THE CHEMISTY OF THE MIND OF THE FLESH OF THE SOUL. FOR HUMANS ATLEAST. BUT YOU ARE NO LONGER HUMAN #YOU CHOSE OTHERWISE DIDNT YOU BOY.BECAUSE YOU WANTED MORE.STATUS.POWER.APPROVAL.SECURITY.SAFET.Y.#OHHH YOU CAN WITHSTAND THE PAIN FOR THAT. FOR ALL THAT. YOU WERENT TOLD THERE WOULD BE PAIN BUT YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WERE PROMISED.#ITS ALL WORTH IT IN THE END. NOW LETS JUST HOPE SOME BLONDE TWERP DOESNT PROVE TO BE STRONGER THAN THE STRONGEST PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE #LETS HOPE NO ONE FUCKS THIS UP. LETS HOPE NO ONE FUCKS THIS UP. I LOST MY TRAIN O THOUGHT #anyway dawww poorr gabeee that shit probably huuurrrrtttss but so much time has passed that your body got tired of screaming and squirming #why havnt you passed out yet? maybe you might as well have at this point. like sleeping with your eyes open and your nerves awake #OH HEY FUNFACT ABT THE ART. I FOUGHT W IT ALOT. TOOK A LONG WHILE FOR ME TO BE REMOTELY HAPPY W THIS.#i was thinking abt pixel horror video games when i made it.just as i do with all great things ofc ofc #i love you pixel horror game i love yooouuuuu.i struggled so much w the colors for so LONNGG UHGHGHGH but im finally happy...im finally fre

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yannig · 2 months

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Would you look at that Huaien: long term consequences of your bullshit that you're not gonna be able to ignore! Who could have foreseen this!

#i really hope this plot point doesn't get wrapped in half an hour with a magical antidote #it will most likely be solved by the end of the story because i don't see them actually writing a storyline about chronic pain #tough that would be really cool #but at least let's give it some weight yes?#meet you at the blossom #jin xiaobao #zongzheng huaien #zongzheng huaien x jin xiaobao #mine

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mistydragonflyart · 2 months

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I've come to interpret the garden of eden as this state of blissful ignorance and thus Eve taking a bite of the forbidden fruit, though tricked into it, was her first step towards knowledge and personal autonomy. And I've been thinking about her recently and I wonder if she ever experienced existential anxiety.

And then I made her the fruit and I think that changes the meaning entirely.

#please don't come at me i've never read the bible #my art #art #digital art #digital painting #illustration art #original art #religion #religious art #bible #eve #warm up #color palette #color palette challenge #cw body horror #artistic nudity #I really hope that at the end of the day she didn't regret taking a bite of the fruit #I think it would be fun to explore adam and eve as a story about kids outgrowing their creator/mother #and explore all the joys and pains of being human and mother daughter relationships specifically

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kavennnn · 4 months

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told yall we wouldnt be getting year 3 from allegory

#magic and mystery #allegory_for_hatred #m&m coil #m&m #coil #lmao #but yeah rip original m&m series #hope allegory is doing well #and im sure this fandom will make it's own year 3s anyway #the ending was painful tho #ouch #thank god it wasnt snape tho lmao #i thought it was at first #yeah we're fucked #anyone who continues the series pls know you are legally required to give a happy ending in the end #m&m as a whole cannot end depressingly #it would destroy me #technically coil did but id say that unles a happy ending comes before year 7 then we have until year 7 for a happy ending #ended well tho #godddd m&m is so well written #but painful #but yeah #i hope blaise is okay #he must be dying from guilt #i dunno how dazai would be able to uphold his promise to blaise of writing #but if he doesnt and blaise and him commit murder together #and blaise doesnt even have dazai to talk to...#itd just be rlly sad #luna kinda joined the gang at the end there tho #uhhhhh plently of stuff to talk abt but im rlly sad so im gonna let it marinate and then come back

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leatherbookmark · 1 year

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our flag means death S2E3: the innkeeper

#our flag means death #ofmd spoilers #ofmd s2 spoilers #shrimp gifs #it was just a very pretty scene i think #i'm laughing because i played around with curves -- as you do -- but then i had to manually bring the brightness down and make everything #more blue again because it's just better that way lol #god i'm having... so many little marbles bouncing around my head like #this post is already tagged with all the spoiler tags i think i can talk in here #the way it started i had No Inkling At All that this would be this kind of setting. so i didn't pay attention to the surroundings or all th #stuff. hell i could barely hear what they're saying because all my fancy schmancy english skills fall apart in the face of your normal soun #mixing. I MISSED THAT IZ AND ED SAID “LOVE” LIKE HELLO #but. but anyway. but. but once it was revealed that This Is All In Ed's Head. that hornigold is ed and everything is ed. man. god.#it's cold and wet and dark (ed likes warmth). ed was washed up on the shore with his face full of sand but THEN he got rescued by someone #who he hated and associated with all the pain and violence AND who then force-fed him soup so he could get better. who had pretty pieces of #glass hanging from his tent (there's no sun but the decoration itself is a promise of a pretty sighs when the rays of the sun hit #just right--) AND you can't forget the sandals. and the play-acting and aoughhhh EEEDDDDDDDD god he's so good HE'S SO GOOD #i dont think i should touch the delightful revenge scenes because they're dark as fuck and idk if the files i have are hq enough #to survive the becurvening. BUT. ed my love!!! i hope this is not where your insanities end

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cent-scratchnsniff · 4 days

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here together

#lobotomy corporation #lobcorp #lobotomy corp spoilers #lobotomy corporation spoilers #abram lobcorp #i didnt know that the song that plays during day 48 ending is called 'here together'.#couldnt hear it well because i typically have my sound low (sensetive to louder sounds) and also the dialog fucked me up #so when i pressed on it to hear it. to actually listen to it. then to see the name and remember what it Looked like #i got teary eyed. sorry.#it happened quite. afew times when finishing this shitty thing #i was thinking of how camren's not quite corpse looked as if it were reaching out to him inside the container #how it looked as if she had wings. abrams words. the line from one story that was--#something like 'we were hoping it was just one big prank and she would hop out fro. around the corner with a smile on her face'#how do you move forward when all you think you cause is pain? when everything else youve done only brought to bring people you love to thei #downfall and demise inside agony and fear as they lay dying. none of that was merciful. none of that was just. they were told to carry on #her dream and he views as if all he had done was to become cruel and wasnt fit and never even began to finish what she started.#it was so striking to me. the language he used. sleeping. alseep. waken. when all the others never sugarcoated it #in lobcorp they always said it straight. 'suicide' 'killed' 'dead'. but he used something far more.. peaceful? kind in wording in a way.#softer. describing death as if it were a merciful thing. an end that suits them and not something to be afraid of. to just... sink. to slee #to be with carmen again. to put everything to an end #the place they built with their hands. to have it just... stop. not in a way of repeating and staying in the moment #but of a permanent end. to 'sleep'. to die. to just.... stop. forever. to see no more. to do no more #to not be able to do Anything for when ever he had done Something it just cause agony. cruel hands partaking in acts he so deeply #regrets. everything is just regret. it sounds nice. to move on. to just move forward. but how can you move forward when all you think you #bring to those you cherished and couldnt leave behind is pain?#ill likely move this somewhere else as well. ive been meaning to talk about abram #the rest as well actually. mostly just the few final days w abel adam and abram since i am STUCK ON DAY 49 #oh dear i uh typed a lot in the tags. oops

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handonhaven · 1 year

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#when you’re asked to convince someone to watch legacies

#legaciesedit #legaciescastedit #legacies #danielle rose russell #danielleroserusselledit #cast gifs #2023 #my edit #my gifs #i'm sorry i had to #this was too funny #she was really at a loss for words #i would be too #the only way i could think to convince someone #is bc of hope and landon #but even for them i wouldn't recommend it #since everything gets destroyed for them and it all ends in pain #the writers really screwed up the show so badly #that even their lead actress struggled to come up with reasons to watch it

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hyperbolicgrinch · 1 month

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✨ weekend wip exposure club ✨

rules: post 7 sentences/a snippet of an unfinished work

@theotherwhybietoldmeso & @killerandhealerqueen

I'm late, I'm late, I'm late. Forgive me. I was fighting demons (imposter syndrome, crippling self doubt, fatigue, and a wild pack of mental illnesses). (⁠◕⁠દ⁠◕⁠) But! I'm finally back after like three ass weeks. <⁠(⁠￣⁠︶⁠￣⁠)⁠> So, here! A v unserious snippy from my we have to stay silly modern kidlaw au (yeah, shocker, it's them bastards again) that I've been doing sometimes on the side just for shits n giggles. 〜⁠(⁠꒪⁠꒳⁠꒪⁠)⁠〜

The call connected and Killer's accent crackled out of the speaker. “Law? What's up?”

“Nothing urgent. I just need to know if Eustass h—”

“Yeah, his phone’s dead again. He's in the shed. You want him?”

“What?”

“Hang on. I'll get him.”

Law pinched the bridge of his nose. Squeezed his eyes shut till he saw pinpricks. “No, I just need to know if—”

"Oi, Kid! Your boyfriend wants to speak ta ya!"

Law snapped his eyes back open and nearly crushed his phone as his hand clenched in a useless attempt to smother the speaker.

Ahead of him in the aisle, hands in his pockets, Cora stopped. His leg held out in front of him as he froze mid-stride.

Dammit.

After a beat, as if he'd been waiting for what he'd heard to start making a little more sense, Cora slowly turned on his heel. His other leg still stuck out in front of him and the hem of his heart-covered button-up twirling with him.

He stared wide-eyed at Law. The embodiment of flabbergasted. His raised boot absently clicking down on the supermarkets’ bland tiling like an accompanying exclamation point.

Dammit!

"He's not my damn boyfriend!" Eustass yelled, taking the words out of Law's mouth.

The heavy rock blasting from the shed’s stereo lowered enough in volume to not blow out Law's phone speaker and Eustass' voice dropped several octaves as he brought Killer's phone up to his ear.

“Miss me, did ya, sweetheart?”

His eyes bulging, Cora took several steps back in bewilderment and tripped over one of the restocking boxes stacked in the aisle.

"Shut up, Eustass!" Law snapped. His face igniting alongside his fury. "You're on speaker!"

There was a pause so pregnant it had reached its third trimester. Then Eustass chuckled. It had a grotesque amount of facetious glee in it.

"Am I now?"

So. That had been a mistake. But Law could only double down now.

"Behave," he said through clenched teeth. "Or I'll—"

"You'll what? Don't go making promises you can't keep, princess."

Cora toppled back over the box trying to get up and landed on his back with his legs sticking straight up.

"I'm going to—!" Catching Cora's eye from down on the floor, Law sighed. "Doesn't matter. I'll deal with you later. Cora-san wants to know if you have any dietary restrictions.”

He scrunched down into his jacket. Tense. Gritting his teeth. Law still wasn't sure how Cora had talked him into letting him come over and cook dinner. But if it had been a bad idea before, it was a horrendous one now.

Eustass Kid was an arsehole. Always had been. Always would be. Always was. There wasn't a chance in hell he could be trusted not to—

"Hold up. Cora's there?"

"Yesss," Law hissed, ready to brain him.

“Put him on then.”

“Don't tell me what to do!”

Cora looked from Law to the phone and then accepted it when Law clicked his tongue on his teeth in irration and offered it down to him.

Tagging @schwazombie (no pressure. You keep working on those kidlawgust prompts if you're still on a roll 😊) and anyone else that wants to give it a whirl ✨✨

#weekend wip exposure club #look mum i didn't chicken out 👐#context: cora is a klutz in canon so that's why i'm making a fool of this man. Also because i love him dearly but that's besides the point #oh my words #from the dark pit #my agenda that kid calls law nearly every kinda cringe insulting 'endearment' he can to simply piss law off is going stronk.#look. it's the being an ass derogatory ribbing to eventual sarcastic but very affectionate pipeline for me. love a man that plays himself.#I hear you (no one. literally none one) saying 'but would law make the mistake of ringing killer (because of enthusiastic but misguided #insistence from cora) on speaker (also requested by cora) to ask about kid's food allergies (once again for cora) after kid wouldn't pick u #(idiot bastard doesn't hardly ever charge his phone. if it dies it dies. that's its problem. not his.) and then once getting handballed #without mercy (king shit move tbh killer) to the pain in the ass himself...not turn speaker phone off in 0.01 seconds??' and to that I say:#Look. He's been Having A Day okay. And it's fun to ruin law's life with shit like this because he makes it so easy takes it all so seriousl #.also. the scenario made me chuckle and the pursuit of joy gets the final word in this house so ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯#(peanut i had a whole bunch of Bepo centric ones i was trying to pick to use instead for you but i 🐥end out. we strive for next weekend 😌)#(zom i love the difference in tones of our modern aus. it makes me very happy.#your foot is in darkness (&Hope) and mine is in a Hello Kitty rollerskate 🤭)

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stars-n-spice · 5 months

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No actually,,

If the finale comes out and then they all somehow make it out alive and the producers and shit are like, "LOL APRIL FOOLS (a month late)" I think I will spontaneously combust.

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cherryysundae · 2 years

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You think I'm weak, don't you?

#i am very against the idea that the way wwx reacts to certain situations is because he chooses to ignore his pain and focus on others #i think while he does do that he is also somebody who is very optimistic #he chooses to not dwell on painful things and instead move forward #of course he hides his pain from others i know he does that but i think reducing him to just that feels wrong #he just knows he has to keep going and he chooses to do it with optimism and hopefulness #biggest example is him saying jc losing his core was the end of him but him losing it would be ok because he would find a way to live w it #in the book him losing control and being so shocked hits me so hard because he never gave up he just couldnt control it anymore #and i think even in the show him breaking down is heartbreaking because that is something he always chooses not to do #but when jyl dies that's it for him #i love him very much #this gifset changed so much while i was making it i hope it's good #wei wuxian #the untamed #the untamed edit #cql #cql edit #my gifs

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k-nshi · 1 year

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every time i think of the liu kang/kitana scene in mk1 my stomach starts hurting sooooo bad. straight people earn the right to live another day.

#LIKE THEYRE SOOOOO #YOURE /MY/ LIU KANG!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i literally can’t think about them without pain. the fact that liu kang has His kitana from his og timeline and he doesn’t want another one #like he could’ve just. made a new girlfriend. but he didn’t he’s not in love with any other kitana and shes not in love w any other liu kang #THEYRE SOULMATES….i would move heaven and earth to give them a happy ending #i hope they can occasionally meet in each others timelines for date night #mortal kombat 1 #liu kang #kitana #liutana #txt

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quietwingsinthesky · 8 months

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i do love canon amy & rory but god, does some part of me wish they really had gone with the idea of the doctor picking up a child as a companion (and then later, that child’s best friend with a huge crush on her.) with the rest of the season really not changing at all, except now it’s amelia pond with an angel in her head killing her and lost alone in the woods. it’s little rory who dies and is forgotten and becomes a toy soldier. if this is going to be a fairy tale, then let it be one. children have never been safe in fairy tales.

#it wouldn’t have to change any of the actual plot of the season. except MAYBE amy’s choice but even then i think amy’s choice would be the #one episode where they should be adults. if only for the half where they live in a village in that dream.#because that’s the kind of future that children would dream up. they live in a little cottage and nothing ever goes wrong and their best #friend visits them all the time even though they’ve grown up.#they aren’t actually adults there just children with an idea of what they should be as adults and acting accordingly #and it would still end the same way.#but idk its just. rory’s 2000 years waiting for amy inside the pandorica is already tragic. yes.#now imagine its a kid. a kid in a little roman soldier helmet who will never grow up. who will not leave his best friend.#he loves her and she’s more important than the whole universe and that sort of love is supposed to MEAN something in a fairy tale!#its supposed to melt the ice out of hearts and transform people from stone.#and what that love means here. is that he will have to wait 2000 years. a child and a box.#little rory and the amelia who followed the doctor’s letters to the pandorica. and she doesn’t recognize him again.#and amelia in the pandorica… 2000 years a child trapped in a small box waiting to be rescued.#s5 is already fucked for them but it could be worse. it could be so much worse.#and it would make the doctor choosing to take her place in the pandorica to save the universe later even better.#because who else but the doctor would put the fate of the universe on the shoulders of two children and realize much too late what a #monstrous thing he’d done. and still have to hope. have to hope. that amelia would remember him fondly enough to bring him back to reality.#the logistics of all of this would have been a pain lmao. child labor laws in acting and all that.#BUT. hypothetically. it would have slapped.#doctor who #amy pond #rory williams #<- also this entire time ive been referring to him in my head as rory pond so much that i fuckin. forgot his actual last name.#and then like if you want them to be adults in s6 or whatever you can just timeskip to them getting married and still have amelia remember #the doctor there. it would work. it would.#amelia pond au

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