#hoping to find real friends out there

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[themyscirah]

Complaining abt Suicide Squad yet again but the fact that they have Waller exposing the alien community to space racist attacks and talking abt how she got to her position through deceit and being a terrible person and stuff is just. Ahsfiwueh JUST SAY YOU DONT KNOW WALLER.

Anyways literally the 3rd mission of the Squad ever (and the first framed as smth Waller picked and not orders from above) was the Squad discrediting and stopping a rogue vigilante who was only arresting POC and funneling white people into white supremacy groups (of which he was the most prominent member) in SUICIDE SQUAD #4. and it's explicitly framed as this mission being personal for Waller that she's hiding from the government bc its illegal like. Guys. Please why are we having her incite (space bc comics) racist attacks now

Also the whole "Amanda got her position through deceit and being a terrible person" NO. she KEPT her position through being shitty and playing complicated political games!!! She wasn't always that way like there is a difference and it is IMPORTANT ppl PLEASEEEE. In Secret Origins #14 we learn Amanda's backstory and she used to be a normal, caring person! Like even after she entered into working in government and politics she wasn't automatically morally bankrupt like please people. She was originally given control of the Squad by Reagan (*sigh* 80s comics...) to distract and get rid of her because she was so successful at pushing progressive social policy in Congress. Acting like she's this static pillar of evil is such a waste of her character and so fucking uninteresting and disrespectful to her arc it drives me MAD.

Like I am NOT saying Waller is all sunshine and rainbows, she fucking SUCKS (said w love <3) but like there's a human being there. It's a progression, she has a character arc like please, DC, please!!! They've fucked up Waller so bad and made her so opaque and uninteresting she can't even be the protagonist of her own story for fucks sake!

Like I don't know how many times I have to scream it until DC hears me or remembers but WALLER IS THE MAIN CHARACTER OF SUICIDE SQUAD. ITS HER BOOK. yet right now she's a cutout to be used as the villain wherever the writers please. Even in her book we get none of her perspective really displayed, no exploration of her thoughts with any kind of understanding of the role she traditionally has played and was made to play in the story.

[alluralater]

just saw this girl on tinder that i had the most insane rollercoaster thing with in college but she now identifies as a goth dyke and let me tell you… i swiped right so hard but almost didn’t because i wanted to keep looking at her pictures. she looks the same, just different style but it suits her so so well. and as ya’ll know i am a whore for goth/alt aesthetics to my colorful dyke look. the contrast is so giving but it just so happens to be what im usually drawn to. if we even go out to coffee and end up making out over this, it will have been worth the swipe. even if nothing, it was still totally worth it. i cannot lie, she was such a disaster in college though and nearly tanked an entire group project for me but my professor was also a lesbian (shoutout to this professor bc i loved her so much and she really cared about me) and she was like “hey allura,” and proceeded to tell me that this girl was a less experienced gay than i was and was clearly very obsessed with me (cause apparently she had gone to our professor to talk about me and had accidentally dropped a weird amount of concerning info??) and so my professor was going to separate her from me as much as possible (cause at that point she was like causing a crazy ton of issues for my school stuff and in my social life) but i mean… she was/is REALLY hot. her intensity was really sexy and the way she was so shameless was ALSO very sexy. plus i mean, even though she was doing wild shit it wasn’t like she was an awful person. i found her to be super yummy in all respects and was really shook when she flew off the handle and was basically harassing me. now this all sounds really insane i know but… ugh i want her so bad and i really hoped that some years apart would change those toxic obsessive pieces so let’s hope yes and find out

[faaun]

i feel so content/happy like i'm a child at a sleepover but no im just finally living w my friends

[dont-offend-the-bees]

Fuck I hate being an adult. I need a more adult adult to help with the volatile emotional situation.

[enhanced-operatives-division]

Junicrane/Starstruck Ramble

I will not be brief, all under the cut

To clear some things right off the bat:

No corpse, no proof with Juniper. Obligatory this is set in a canon where he's alive and adjacent to the agency in some way.

Reggie & Juniper are just gay to me, but I don't mind any interpretation of their sexuality

The games are set in 1967/68 to me (based on a couple bits in game) which is before it was legal to be gay in America at least (1971), which is relevant to how I interpret canon as being somewhat grounded in reality, despite unrealistic elements.

This is just an insane amount of headcanons/elements of and AU all culminated into one post. I will talk about some headcanons like they're just facts because they are established in my head, and it saves me over explaining literally everything, however I will explain some parts a little bit for clarity.

Alright. Actual beginning of the ramble:

Juniper is a character to me who had gotten so lost in his job as an actor and a social presence that in the end his whole life revolved around that 'role'. Because of this, by the time he's put into the situation where he's around the Agency, he basically knows nothing about himself, though he doesn't realise at first. Furthermore, what little identity he had has changed in so many ways. He's no longer a beloved famous actor in the prominence of public light, he's legally dead and he tarnished his career just before he was supposed to die, with the bonus of that making him lose the majority of his estate. From that, he also has horrific facial scarring from the electrical burns from literally having his face fried. I believe a friend of mine made a post about this a while ago (I also think they were the first to think it up also), but, to me, Juniper has a permanent trimmer in his right arm (aka his dominant hand) from the electrical current and it is messing with his nervous system.

All in all, he's not doing great, but he's too proud to admit that he's not doing great, because if anything, what's left of his ego is all he has as a defense since he's deep in unfamiliar water.

Before ending up around the agency (I have multiple interpretations of this, so I'm just going to bring it up generally), he'd never actually seen Reggie, and his only impression of him is a single voicemail, which was his only reference he had to later impersonate him. Juniper probably has very little feelings other than the ones he projects onto him because of Phoenix and that, at the very least, he's physically attracted to Reggie to some degree (that's like the beginning of how everything else would tumble into place in this sort of interpretation at least).

And on Crane's side? His feelings towards Juniper are probably very intense and muddled. On the one hand, he adores musical theatre, and that's his now ex-favourite actor. The thought of just casually being around him blows the bit of fanboy in him away at first because THAT'S the GUY, plus the inklings of a celebrity crush which still poke at him. And then there's the rational side of him, which knows Juniper has committed absolute atrocities on the side of Zoraxis, and hates him for that. Then there's how much Juniper comes off as an asshole at first because he refuses to cooperate with anything the Agency tried to put in place. He finds Juniper endlessly frustrating, and yet he's stuck working with him since, afterall, he's the one who knows the Agency's history with Juniper the best. I imagine him acting a lot like how he does IEYTD 1 around Juniper.

At this point, I'm just describing the pitch for a romcom.

I think the start of their relationship with one another largely started with Juniper trying to wind Crane up. It was a way of getting his attention, and I don't think Juniper knows why he's so dead set on that at first, because I don't think he realises he has a crush on 'this grump' at first. (I think that's actually the fun part about these two, because it's almost like a role reversal of the celebrity crush dynamic. This ex-big name actor has a TERRIBLE crush on an average joe and it is KILLING HIM.) But of course the Agency keeps them together because Juniper is at least conversing with Crane, so it's a start.

Through one way or another, they actually get talking casually, at least mildly at first. It takes Juniper a long time to fully deconstruct the wall he's built, and the thing is, Crane isn't the one trying to deconstruct it, at least at first, because yeah, Juniper realises if he wants Reggie to actually like him in any way, he can't keep winding him up. So they talk. Small talk at first, something rhythmic and almost easy to keep to a script. And over time that turns into actual conversations. Genuine ones in which Reggie rips out the occasional one of his jokes which Juniper is endlessly endeared about. The way he smiles just before he makes them, like he wants to chuckle at what he's about to say before he says it. That's probably when Juniper realised that he does have some vague crush on him, and that it wasn't going away.

This is what kickstarts John I can't-buy-you-things-to-impress-you-so-acts-of-service-it-is Juniper to do little things for him. It mostly starts off as him trying to make Reggie his tea how he likes it. However, the nerve damage in his arm makes that hard, as the weight of the kettle and trying to pour is hard all of a sudden. And he refuses to accept that, so he tries for a very long while. Long enough that Crane would go to investigate what was going on. And when he does see Juniper leaning over a cup with the kettle as he uneasily tries to pour it, and when Crane asks Juniper responds so matter-of-fact that his intention is nothing but genuine. And it catches Reggie off guard because Juniper hadn't done anything like that up to that point, and his very apparent vulnerability is so clearly on show.

It shifts something between them.

From that point on, conversations are longer, more familiar. Both of their attitudes soften, and Reggie makes more jokes. Juniper learns how to better use his left hand while strengthening his right back to a point where it could be used again. Slowly, they're both spending time with one another not because they have to, but just because they can. Little bits at first, not too far outside what they already were doing, but those little bits turned into long bits to a point where the other person's company was genuinely desirable.

As time passes, Juniper probably realises that he doesn't genuinely know much about himself or what hobbies he's into, because he never really had the time when he got big, and his home life in his youth wasn't bad, but it wasn't picturesque. I think Reggie would pick up on it, and absolutely try to introduce him to some things he's into. Some things stick, other things don't (corn husking very much stays Reggie's passion, and John will go with him sometimes because it's him, but it's not something he strongly cares for). Crane introduces him to a lot of music, and it's something that becomes a staple between them, with tracks they listen to more than others (tragically, I know relatively little about 60s music so I couldn't really say what). Occasionally they dance, never anything intense, think slow dancing, but the closeness is nice.

Through all of it, Juniper is battling the worst crush of his life, and he can't stand it, because I think he struggles to read people since he doesn't have anything like a script or a director to refer back to, so he has no idea if Reggie likes him back or if he's just desperate for that to be true. I think because of that any sort of confession between them would be incredibly raw, not only because of the time they live in making it hard for them to be truthful about how they love, but because it's a complete show of Juniper who's worked to be this better person. I don't exactly know how that would go, mainly because I don't have one set version of their dynamic, this post is just a generalisation of main consistent points.

Reggie does like him back, because he's gotten used to Juniper being just this guy, not a figure in the public eye, not a Zoraxis lackey, and not any sort of Agency operative (despite being under their care to some degree). He's someone he genuinely cares for, because they've given one another the time of day to learn one another, and I think because Reggie was a field agent, he was a lot better at reading Juniper than Juniper was at reading him. Eventually Juniper's company becomes something he could see around him for the rest of his life, and I think he accepts that he likes Juniper a lot more gracefully.

I think any affection directed at Juniper would at first be met with him feeling a little muddled. Reggie was a very physically affectionate person when he could be, and sure the initial flirting with one another came with the occasional little touches, but everything now was so deeply intentional. I also don't think Juniper would almost ever get over the novelty of being able to kiss him, or many other gestures, because it made the fact that they were together so very real, and it was great. I do think it comes easier to Reggie, and it's a big way of showing how much he cares, so it's important for Juniper to try and show it back because he knows how much it means to the other.

I like the idea of them eventually living with one another, too. I think Juniper would have always had a quiet little daydream of sorts where he does just live a domestic quiet life, and he can with Reggie (well, as close as they can get between the Agency and Zoraxis always being at odds), and he loves that, and he loves him, and it's immense.

I think they cook for one another a lot, it helps Juniper work on his dexterity in a controlled environment, which means a lot because it's a huge point of insecurity (that and his scars). He does improve, and Crane is proud of that and shows it and it's great. I also think they'd probably cook together too, because they can deal with being in the kitchen together and they work well with one another. It's probably a good way for them to unwind because over time they can do it in relative silence.

As I said before, I also think music is a staple in their household, and that Reggie listens to things on vinyl almost all of the time because he likes the background noise. Sometimes Juniper will catch him chuntering along to the music which he finds endlessly endearing. I wouldn't put it past his dramatic ass to also join in to fluster Reggie, but I also don't think Reggie would mind that terribly because Juniper has listened to the music enough to know the lyrics, and that's huge to him.

I don't think they are without rough patches, no relationship is, but I think the good part about them is that they're willing to talk about it (... eventually). They're used to long conversations, and while they're often less fun conversations, they're needed and they know that, and it works out.

Alright. I think I'm done for now. I haven't mentioned everything, but this definitely got the worst of it out of my system. If you ever want to hear any specific thoughts my ask box is open but other than that, behold my general dynamic for these two which has been festering in my head for years. I think they're great

[aroaessidhe]

2023 reads

The Deep Sky

scifi mystery thriller

on a deep space mission traveling from an environmentally devastated earth with hope to restart humanity elsewhere

when they’re halfway, an explosion kills 3 crew and pushes them off course

the only witness is the Alternate who has no specific role, and she has to figure out who caused it & if they might continue to sabotage, while they're figuring out a way to get back on course with limited resources

flips between present and the past: of her childhood and training for the mission, her identity struggles, and relationship with her mother

questions the ethics of ‘restarting’ humanity elsewhere vs putting resources into fixing earth

[shorthaltsjester]

begging twitter to stop showing me tweets of people with no reading comprehension misrepresenting things I said but since i was going to make this more in-depth post Anyway .

when i say imogen is better read as a metaphor for generational trauma than she is a metaphor for queerness or chronic pain, i’m not talking about legitimate traits she has as a character. obviously she is queer. obviously she experiences some form of chronic pain (though i would argue her magic better suits chronic illness not pain because she states that it’s Not always painful, but it does always influence how she lives her life).

when i talk about how well she’s understood as a metaphor, i’m talking about when i’m looking at her as a part of a story, as an arc that i am witnessing rather than in the more typical fandom way of this is a fictional person who interacts with exandria as real people do. and that is a fun way to interact with characters, i enjoy it a lot! but when i say imogen (to me, as i for some reason have to clarify on my own blog which implies that these are my own opinions and not absolute fact that needs to be accepted by people on the internet with different experience and opinions than me) is best read as a metaphor for generational trauma, it isn’t a dismissal of her queerness or her illness, it’s just me thinking looking at her from that angle is more compelling.

imogen has been one of my favourite characters and least favourite characters in campaign 3 because i tend to analyse her through a lens of generational trauma and she ends up looking extremely familiar to me as someone with a family that carries their’s heavily which is as comforting as it is frustrating.

for me the main thing that looking at imogen through a queer lens of literary analysis fails to account for is harm. on the one hand - the harm that imogen experiences, not because of how people treat her for who she is, but that exists simply as a factor of her being ruidusborn. on the other hand a the harm that imogen causes. not to say that she is some malicious villain waiting for her chance to harm others, but that there are things about being ruidusborn that very much do incline her towards violence in a way that she might not otherwise be - i think about the conversation after she went nuclear and chet brought up people being scared of her connecting that to her father keeping distance. the only harm that queerness provides comes from society, and that isn’t the case in exandria. even metaphorically, the thing that society fears in ruidusborn people (while it has certainly been exacerbated by centuries of superstition and practices like we saw in zephrah) is a tangible threat. imogen’s magic when not controlled can wipe out a city block, but queerness poses no threat.

that’s why i’m not compelled by imogen’s backstory as a queer metaphor. not because i’m some imodna anti (i very emphatically am not but this fandom kinda makes me wish i was sometimes) or because i think exandria’s lack of homophobia/transphobia means that characters can’t be viewed through a queer lens or that critical role doesn’t contain some of the most compelling queer metaphor i’ve encountered. imogen just isn’t one of those characters, not because she isn’t queer, or because i think her story shouldn’t resonate with queer people, just because i find the generational trauma angle more consistent.

it’s similar with the chronic illness angle, which i will refer to as illness but you’re welcome to emphasise pain, we all have different vocabularies for the experiences we face. but just to give context i’m running off laura’s comparison of imogen’s powers to her own sensory issues and anxiety which while often Lead to pain, fall more into chronic illness in imogen’s context to me. and i do think there’s substantial comparison for imogen’s story as a metaphor for chronic illness, but i think that was much more true earlier in the campaign than it is looking at her from the current context. her beginning motivation being her search for knowledge about her powers really resonated with me as similar to someone experiencing symptoms of chronic illness but who could neither figure out how to treat them or what they were caused by.

but then imogen got more information, specifically about her mother, and her priority became not understanding her powers but understanding her current state as a person - how had she become the person she is, inclusive of her powers but very much emphasising her lack of a mother who became more and more present in the unweaving web of ruidusborn lore. that’s when i was less compelled by the chronic illness reading and more compelled by viewing her as a metaphor for generational trauma. had that not been enough on its own, imogen’s visit to relvin and her recent thoughts on her mother would be enough to convince me.

the part that makes me hesitant about this post is that generational trauma is so intensely linked to the contexts under which it is created and perpetuated. so i can’t really point to specific scenes as evidence of specific things that prove generational trauma is the most compelling and i don’t really want to unload that much of my own experience to clarify my thoughts on a character. but vaguely, i will say that imogen’s relationship with her parents is obviously the clearest source for my reading her as a metaphor for generational trauma. the fact that relvin, the only person in her family without the thing that draws society’s ire, is also the person that she has the most willing anger at is also indicative of this to me. in general, imogen’s rage that so easily transitions into sadness and vice versa comes out a lot in conversations about parents. most recently, i think about ashton’s lovely speech about found family and his distrust about parents and how as they were speaking, laura seemed to be playing imogen as sadly in thought versus months ago when fearnes parents showed up with striking similarities to liliana and imogen’s words of wisdom were let’s hurt them all.

and like. to me that angersadnessvengeancegrief is particularly evocative of the feelings that arise when you are in a family with generational trauma, especially when you are aware of it. because imogen can and has followed the logical steps that have led her and her family to where they are. early on when recounting her relationship with her dad she seemed wistful but understanding of the distance between them. in nearly every encountered with a parental figure imogen seems to be some level of distrusting for the most part, but she’s still holding out hope that her mother will see the good side. and further, there’s the complication of how dire her losing her powers seems to be, and how inextricable her powers are from every aspect of her life. she’s also southern and from a blue collar family. this means nothing except it also means a whole lot.

this is messy and not well organised but if you want a good essay you’re gonna have to pay me money for it but tldr: i say things i believe on my This Is My Opinion Blog and i don’t think i need to explain my thoughts to strangers on the internet but this was already half written in my drafts and if people are gonna shit on my opinions please at least do it in good faith and shit on my actual opinions not the ones you’ve decided i have.

[bunnihearted]

ᡣ𐭩ྀིྀི₊ ⊹

[flaticeball]

the idea of a Gayest Player In The NHL bracket at all is already in poor taste to some degree bc i get everyone loves to make the “they’re so gay for each other fr” jokes but the condition of the actual league and its actions right now is like. you do understand why calling these people Gay Icons (Positive) for funny haha jokes is just. at best inappropriate timing, yes? but the idea of literally including one of the guys who got pride nights cancelled with his homophobia is just. can we take a minute to realize that hockey fandom doesn’t take place in a void completely unconnected to reality and see that this is just. a Really Bad Look. at best.

[adaywithanotherferalrat]

Hey guys...

So...

Just finished Full Moon and- omfg.

I am genuinely in psychological distress, I've never ran to ao3 so fast. It's so dumb but I genuinely feel secondhand heartbreak for both stolas and blitzø (but a lil moreso for stolas, kinnie probs unfortunately)

VIVZIE BESTIE Y MUST U START PRIDE MONTH LIKE THIS ISTFG-

K now everything under the cut is going to be vent-y and controversial so only continue if ur rdy for a copious amount of projecting<3... and if you're gonna be nice. Feelings hard man, this is my side blog for a reason.

Ok but just like back to the secondhand emotions, I'm like- genuinely spiraling. Bc after the video, every recommended theory video and then the comments were like oh it's stolas' fault, why stolas is in the wrong, why stolas handled this like shit, etc. And it's probably bc i relate to him so much but i was like ☹️???

Now ofc i read and watched several analyses bc i practice media literacy and- logically I can see how Stolas' actions escalated or at the very least didn't help the situation... but I'm still sitting here like ok if that was wrong, what else was he supposed to do? (Minus immediately asking for the book w/out explaining until after, i understood that and physically cringed like oh honey no...)

But now it got me thinking, i cant see what's supposed to be very obvious here which thennn got me thinking about my own strained relationship with my partner and wondering if I'm missing smth there bc once again, i unfortunately feel like stolas in the situation and it's just- i dont know what else to do.

Yeah anyways much feelings, beautiful writing, im gonna cry myself to sleep and (im)patiently wait for the next episode

[delicatetaysversion]

i just came out to a real life person and i think im having a heart attack

[the-bi-space-ace]

I have no idea if this is true or not but I saw someone say Echo was in the episode trailer for this Wednesday so he's coming back! He's here he's really here he's going to be in the episode this week?!?! I would've asked to see the episode trailer but my browser refreshed and I lost the post before I could someone please. please. Don't play with my feelings right now I'll cry so hard is he really in the preview trailer for the episode this week?!?

[toytulini]

god I know this is like The Wrong Stance on AI. I know its not about whether the art is Real and Human or If It Has A Soul and how a lot of the arguments against it are the same bullshit arguments people made against digital art like I Know. I Knowwww. but god, I'm really sorry, not to post like one of those annoying poetry bloggers I cant stand (yall are valid, live your truth, theres nothing wrong with what you post I'm just a petty bitch who hates poetry. unless I dont hate it.)

But theres just something about the way AI art will almost certainly never be able to mimic the exact way my pencil leaves an indentation in the paper, the way some of the lines I can never fully erase cause I pressed too hard, theyll have to at least train them to draw with a physical pencil first, and sure, they could train it to draw with a pencil and even erase the exact same piece I drew, line for line, on a piece of paper with a robot arm powered by AI, but they can't replicate. idk. the lineage of lefty bitches in my family, and the way I grew up going through school with my entire left arm silver with graphite, from doodling on my schoolwork. not yet anyway. but I guess I do live for the day we make the ai sentient enough that we can traumatize it by giving it homework after kneecapping its executive functions so it copes by drawing a big tiddy lobster monster. sure

[softquietsteadylove]

Secret Lovers AU???

Heyyy

I just wanted to know if you could write an AU where Thena and Gil have to keep their relationship a secret? In this AU I imagine that Arishem is Thena’s father, and he is very controlling. He keeps Thena in the house all day and has decided that on her 25th birthday she will be wed to Kro. Thena hates this

(Bc she’s already in love with Gilgamesh, Duh)

And she has to sneak out the house to see Gil.

So what do you think?

Tysm Byeeeee 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼

"Delivery!"

"Gil!" Thena rushed to the windows, opening them fully for him to climb in and onto her window bench. "I told you not to come tonight."

He just smiled at her, setting down his picnic basket and pulling down the hood of his jacket. "Yeah, but that's when I know you need me the most."

"I thought Father took the lattice down," she frowned as she helped him into her room.

"Yeah, but Karun did us a solid and left the ladder out for me," he chuckled, completely unbothered by her father's efforts to keep them apart. Not that he knew that Gil used it to sneak in. He thought Thena used it to sneak out.

If he knew Gil used it to sneak into her room at night, he would sooner burn down the whole estate.

Gil had been using it for years, though, even when they were just children, whispering about books on Thena's roof under the stars. He had scaled the wall lattice as a pre-teen just trying to get to know his rich and mysterious neighbour. As a teenager, working up the nerve to ask Thena if she'd ever had a boyfriend before. He had scaled that lattice and recited the speech he had memorised from Romeo and Juliet, just to get told that it wasn't exactly Shakespeare's most romantic, despite popular belief.

She had kissed him anyway, though.

"Hey," he smiled, leaning in and kissing her gently. He ran his hands down her arms, "I know you're scared."

She sighed, plunking her forehead onto Gil's chest, laughing when she felt the traces of leaves and bristles from the ivy leaves. "He won't give up on this 'Kro' business, you know. He's determined to marry me off to that monster."

"That won't happen, baby, I promise," Gil attempted to assuage her worries, rubbing her back over her satin robe.

She shook her head, "we got in another fight about it. That's why I told you not to come; if he gets even the slightest idea you're here, he'll have me shipped to the Antarctic."

Gil shrugged, holding her by the waist, "I'd still visit you. Wouldn't have to climb a lattice to do it, either."

She laughed, toying with the strings of his sweatshirt hood. "You shouldn't have to, though."

"I would anyway."

"Gil," Thena insisted, looking up at him, her in bare feet and him still wearing his heavy steel toed boots. "I mean it. I thought now that we were graduated he would have let this go, but-"

But Arishem had only pushed even harder for Thena to form an alliance with his chosen protege and CEO-to-be.

"What did he say?" Gil asked her softly, guiding her to sit with him on the plush window seat, where they'd spent some of the most important moments of their lives, by this point.

She sighed, wilting against Gil's side. "On my 25th birthday he'll announce our engagement to his associates and the whole world. And if I don't go through with it, he'll disown and ex-communicate me completely from the family."

Gil scowled, "that's a bit harsh, hon. I know your dad's a psycho, but we were pretty sure he wouldn't actually kick you out, right?"

She sighed even more heavily, her shoulders dragging down so far it hurt. "Apparently, I thought wrong."

"Oh, Thena," Gil made a sympathetic face, which was all it took for Thena to move closer, clinging to him. He held her just the way she liked. "I'm sorry."

Perhaps she hadn't been hoping that he would suddenly change his mind on things. But was it so foolish to think that he would want his daughter in his life in some way? And he still didn't know anything about her and Gil, and she intended to keep it that way for Gil's safety.

"I shouldn't be surprised," she conceded quietly as Gil pulled her into his lap. "Father has never hesitated to choose his work over me before. I just thought...I thought for once-!"

Gil kissed her temple, "I know, honey, it's okay."

Was it, though? Not that she had any intention of going through with marrying Kro, but her father was far more powerful than she cared to admit. Even if she didn't want to go into the same line of work, she wasn't sure there was any field of society where she could be guaranteed safety from him.

"Hey," Gil whispered again, tipping her chin back to him. "What do you wanna do?"

Thena sniffed, pressing her tears into his shirt and then shaking them off. "I'm not marrying that cretin."

"Great start, babe," he chuckled, and even got a smile for his efforts. He brushed the last of her tears away, "what else?"

Thena inhaled, trying to wrap her mind around things. "I have my own job prospects, although I'm afraid I wouldn't be surprised if Father was capable of rescinding those, given his influence. I might have to start over, maybe even...somewhere new."

This was her most dreaded reality.

They had always known her father would never let her so much as be alone in a room with him, even as children. It was against all odds they had managed to steal what time they did. They had faced being in different classes in school. They had faced Thena's extracurriculars and Gil getting a part time job to help support his family. They had faced her going into university and Gil starting trade school.

They had even faced her being entrapped into a date set up by Kro and her father.

"Okay, where would you want to go?" Gil asked gently. Despite his smiles and joking tones, he was serious. Because wherever she went, he would follow.

"Gil," she shook her head, new tears arising. "Your mom and Sersi are here, you can't move just because I'm getting thrown out."

"They know I'd go anywhere for you."

Thena smiled against his lips as he kissed her again. For all her father's efforts not to let any love into her life, she had been able to sneak Gil her heart, and he had kept it safe for her ever since.

"Really, Thena, you say the word and I'll pick you up, we can go to Mom's until we figure something out," he suggested with a shrug of his shoulders. His tone was light, but his hand on hers was solid. "You don't have to be scared of him, honey."

She rolled her eyes, "I'm not scared of Father, or Kro."

"That's my girl," he winked at her.

Her smile faded slowly, but it did eventually. She squeezed his hands, "But I am scared to not be with you, Gil. And if Father has me thrown out and cuts off all my accounts?--I struggle to think of how far I would have to go just to find a firm willing to let me intern."

Gil tilted his head at her, letting himself smile again. "You say that like you like being rich."

She rolled her eyes again. She hated when he called her 'rich'.

"You already don't use any of that money you have hidden away," Gil shrugged. It was him who had told her that if she took out a little at a time in cash and stashed it away that she could use it without him knowing about it. "So, take what you can and get outta here. He's gonna kick you out anyway so just...come with me."

Thena stared at his outstretched hand. How many times had she dreamed of this?--Gil offering to help her run away from her father and her gilded cage of a home. The delusional and romantic notion of running away with the boy she loved (now the man she loved).

"You're your own woman, Thena, you don't need his name, or his money, or anything!" Gil urged, eager to pull her spirits out of the pit he could see her spiralling into in real time. "I always knew you'd be a badass lawyer, whether he wanted you to or not!"

Oh, Father wanted her to be lawyer, but one that would make good money. He wanted her to be a corporate lawyer, or even a criminal defense. Not a divorce lawyer who worked pro-bonos all the time.

She shook her head, "I'm just done law school, Gil. I haven't even taken the bar, yet."

"Which you'll nail!" he shrugged like it was nothing at all. "I always knew you would, and your dad knows you will, too. That's why he wants you to marry that creep! Because you're too badass on your own and you could take him any day of the week."

"I do not want anything to do with either of them," she shook her head and pulled her robe tighter around herself. She looked around her room, immaculately cleaned for her, full of expensive clothes picked for her. It was a very personalised hotel room, as far as she was concerned. "I should pack."

"I'll help you."

"It's okay," she whispered, kissing his cheek. "You came for a date, not to help me uproot my life."

"Actually," he chuckled as she stood and went to her desk. "I came after you told me not to, because I knew my girlfriend needed me."

She attempted to contain her smile but couldn't. She loved it when he called her his girlfriend.

"And because I will always be right here, babe," he finished more softly, kissing her hair as she collected up what little of her possessions she actually cared about. "You wanna leave tonight, we'll go. We can go anywhere, do anything. I'll go downstairs and fight your dad bare handed if you want me to."

She gave Gil a dry look. He was big, and strong in every sense of the word, but her father was like an eldritch horror out of a fantasy book.

"Okay, fine," he conceded, pulling out the bag she'd used to sneak herself over to his house plenty of times before. "What else do you need?"

She shoved her work materials into the bag. Her textbooks she could access online, and it wasn't like she could keep them physically after the bar, anyway. She bundled up her laptop and phone charger. "Just the stuff in the top drawer."

Gil unceremoniously opened her dresser and shoved everything from the top shelf in. "We can get you new stuff, too. You know how mom loves to go shopping with you."

Thena smiled; Gil's family always felt more loving than even her most fond memories of her father. "Yes, she does."

"Cash?"

She turned and smiled. Gil had no discomfort with the idea that he was going into carpentry and contracting while she came from an ivory tower. As far as he was concerned, she could rob her father for all he was worth and then be happy to sneak cheap snacks into a movie for a date. "Underwear drawer."

"Ooh!"

"Gilgamesh," she drawled, needing to remind him to grab what was necessary, and not whatever of hers was his favourite.

"Feels kind of exciting, right?" he grinned at her as she zipped the main section of the bag closed, including the cash that could keep her comfortable while she was literally finding her footing. "Like we're running away together?"

"Well," she raised her brows at him as she grabbed her hairbrush, "we are, aren't we?"

"Always said we would," he whispered before kissing her again. "You wanna put something else on or go like this?"

"And climb down that ladder in this?" she scoffed, gesturing to her silky little night dress, "no."

"Aw," Gil faked pouting before laughing, "I'd carry you down if you wanted me to."

"I know you would," she answered from her walk-in closet. She truly wouldn't miss anything from in here. Anything of hers that she liked and Gil liked was in that top dresser drawer, for all the other times she had left in the night like this.

Karun had helped them many, many times before.

"Okay," Gil smiled as she stepped out in a perfectly normal looking white sundress. "Ready?"

"Ready," she nodded, her resolve continuing to firm up with everything they packed. She looked up, "what?"

Gil shook his head, setting the bag down, "you look beautiful."

How she loved him. Thena smiled down at her feet shyly before slipping on the sandals she kept hidden in here. They were her only decent walking shoes. "Okay, let's go."

"Hey, you need one more thing."

"What?" Thena blinked, going over everything they'd packed. She had been planning this escape in the back of her mind for years, she was absolutely certain she wasn't forgetting anything. She looked at Gil.

He smiled at her, equal parts terror and excitement. His hands were shaky as he reached into his pocket and knelt down in front of her. He pulled out the ring box, gulping. "You'll need this."

[themyscirah]

"Who are you?" - Green Lanterns: Rebirth