#how am I supposed to feel anything about them like I see he's super important to Vash and the other guy to Wolfwood but ueh idrk

[thatsitso]

Yes I finally watched Trigun

[tordthing]

ignore the tags please some venting n stuff. Not actually bad I just overthink a lot

Thought too hard accidentally hit 30 tags whoops lmao

(no tonetags apologies this is more for my eyes than anything. I'm not upset at anyone in particular tho)

[lazycats-stuff]

Ok it’s like 2:30am rn and I’m supposed to be doing a poster that’s due later but I saw the notification that your open again and I had to drop everything and run🙈

Can I request a Ra’s Al Ghul with oldest son reader who turns out to be like quite moral grey? Like the only reason he isn’t some assassin or super villain is bc he loves his family but is legitimately terrifying to the point Ra’s is scared of betraying him more than Alfred or his family.

I hope this makes sense, just some silly moment between Ra’s and reader when readers like “I’ve killed 275 people am nobody knows😆😘”

Okay, don't drop school for me, school is important. But this is just perfect. Ra's is like, who am I dating? Who am I courting?

Summary: (Y/N) is not like his family.

Warnings: (Y/N) has killed, Ra's is confused, (Y/N) loves Ra's and vice versa.

Ra's has been happy ever since he has start courting, but he still wonders how he managed to get him. To land him, as the slang goes. He knows him very well and they know each other for a long time. (Y/N) is the oldest son in the family, he came before Dick even.

Ra's only started dating him when (Y/N) graduated from college. He never expected to catch feelings for (Y/N) and it was weird when he started making sure he is okay and what he is doing.

Ra's never wanted to date. After the death of his wife before even starting the League, he promised himself that he wouldn't love anymore. If he had a wife, then it was to have heirs, but he outlived them all.

And then (Y/N) came.

There was something different about (Y/N). Ra's watched him grow from a child to a grown man and he turned into a, in Ra's eyes, beautiful man with a strong character and mind too. That was rare now a days and Ra's wanted nothing more than to love him and court him.

There was only one problem. His family who was fiercely protective of him and it was just difficult to even show them that he didn't have any ill intentions. To this day, Bruce and Jason were still suspicious of him. Alfred never trusted him to begin with and Damian was ready to fight him at the moment's notice.

So the road wasn't easy, but they have decided to accept the fact that (Y/N) is with Ra's and try to be civil. Really try to be civil. Bruce is trying. Jason and Damian are trying for (Y/N). Not for Ra's.

But there was just something darker about (Y/N) that Ra's liked and what attracted him to the young man. He is different than Bruce and the others. Before being adopted by Bruce, he was put through hell and back and that caused him to be rather... Morally grey.

It made his character strong and he had a certain degree of... Well, lets just say that he was terrifying to people. Sometimes, he was more brutal than Batman. The hell he went through he went as a child made him numb to certain things and brutal in some aspects.

Ra's wondered if he has ever crossed the line and killed. Of course, he didn't say anything about that because Damian and Alfred would have his head if he tried to explore that opportunity.

But Ra's thought about (Y/N) if he was ever a villain, what type he would be? Ra's could think about. He could see how he could be brutal and he could even rule the underworld. His brutality, his intelligence...

But (Y/N) was too loyal to his father and family to even consider being a villain. Alfred and Bruce are just to blame for (Y/N) not becoming a villain. Did Ra's really want him to be a villain? God no.

He could probably be worse than the League of Light combined and that was a scary thought. Even big Ra's al Ghul was scared of betraying (Y/N). He loved (Y/N), he really did and he would never ever betray his lover, his beloved.

And if something were to happen and Ra's betrayed (Y/N), although Ra's wouldn't, (Y/N) would burn down the League. Ra's was certain of it. But there was a side of (Y/N) that Ra's didn't know just yet.

Even now as the two laid together in bed, just ready to go to bed, Ra's decided to ask (Y/N) the question that was on his mind.

" (Y/N), what would you do if I ever betrayed you? " Ra's asked, hugging (Y/N) from behind, murmuring the words into (Y/N)'s hair. (Y/N) always enjoyed Ra's proximity.

" Ra's, I have killed over 200 people that not even Bruce knows about. I would think about it before doing it. "

Ra's thought that (Y/N) was joking and laughed, but (Y/N) turned around in his arms and looked him dead in the eyes.

" Ra's, I'm not kidding. " (Y/N) said and Ra's searched for any sort of sign that (Y/N) was joking.

There was none.

" What? "

" That's all you need to know. " (Y/N) said as he turned his back to Ra's, moving his hands to its original position. Ra's looked at the back of (Y/N)'s neck and paled.

What?

Sure, he thought about (Y/N) crossing the line, but he didn't think that (Y/N) has actually done it. Now he had to think about who the hell he was courting and he had planned to propose in the near future, but he had to see what the hell has happened.

200+ people is not a small amount and there had to be something where he could search about it. It shouldn't be so difficult to find the event that (Y/N) was talking about. It really shouldn't be.

Right?

None the less, Ra's loved (Y/N) and he will propose, but only when he looks more into it. How the hell did he miss this side? The side that crossed the line that Bruce outright refused to cross, (Y/N) has crossed without any hesitation?

Ra's blinked a few times. No. He will look into it and tomorrow morning, over breakfast, he will ask him to give him more details about the... Could it be labeled as a massacre? Ra's left that thought and closed his eyes, falling asleep next to his beloved.

Breakfast came that morning and the two ate in silence, just enjoying the food and coffee. (Y/N) had to have his coffee and his caffeine, otherwise he wouldn't function at all. Ra's thought about breaking the topic. How to do it?

Well, just asking will do the trick. No beating around the bush.

" (Y/N), " Ra's started as he took a sip of his coffee, glancing at his beloved who was eating. (Y/N) paused and Ra's knew that he had to do it now. " Did you tell me the truth last night? About those 200 people? "

(Y/N) blinked a few times and then he put the mug down.

" If it's something sensitive, you don't have to talk about it. But it would help me understand. I have never seen a side of you that has crossed the line. " Ra's said and (Y/N) smiled reaching his for Ra's hands. Ra's extended his hand to (Y/N) and the two interlocked their hands.

" It's not sensitive, don't worry. I was on my own mission while doing my own case. Bruce was aware of the case and the mission too. What he didn't know is what has happened on that mission. All of those people were evil and vile people. " (Y/N) said, stopping for a second to ear some more. He did love Arabic breakfast after all.

" Now, nobody would miss them. And at that moment, it was me or them. Of course, I didn't kill 200 people at once. It was over a 3 day period. And I would like to say, me or them. " (Y/N) said and Ra's has decided not to pry anymore.

(Y/N) has just told him the truth and that was all that mattered.

" I have to say, that eases me a little bit. You have scared a bit last night when you told me that, so serious too. " Ra's said, chuckling quietly, squeezing (Y/N)'s hand once more.

" Sorry about it. But you can't tell Bruce at all. " (Y/N) said and Ra's said of course. It's not really life threatening so Bruce doesn't have to know anything about it.

" Of course I won't. " Ra's said and (Y/N) removed his own hand from his and showed him his pinky finger.

" Pinky promise Ra's? " (Y/N) said and Ra's smiled, indulging (Y/N).

" Pinky promise. " Ra's said as he leaned closer to (Y/N)'s face, giving him a kiss. (Y/N) smiled into the kiss and has moved to sit in Ra's lap.

" I wish I could spend the day with you beloved, but I have work to do." Ra's said after breaking the kiss, caressing (Y/N)'s cheek.

" I have work to do too. We will meet for lunch? " (Y/N) asked and Ra's nodded, giving him one last kiss and (Y/N) hopped off of Ra's lap.

" Later Ra's. "

" Later beloved. "

[lias-writings]

Feminine girlfriend headcannons

request: no

pairing: bella ramsey x fem!reader

tw: fluff, feminine!reader, mentions of public affection, mentions of men,

summary: headcannons of Bella having super feminine girlfriend <3

a/n: before anything, i do not want people to think I am gendering makeup, dresses etc. “feminine” becase idk how else to call it and regardless of if you’re a female/male/non-binary you can dress/wear makeup how ever you want, okay I hope you understand, enjoy<33

masterlist

🎀 first of all I just know bella would love watching you getting all dolled up even to just go shopping

🎀 bella being hot, rich actor would definitely spoil you as much as he can, they would buy you any clothes or makeup you desire

🎀 sometimes she would let you do their makeup or skincare but just becase he can’t say no to you

🎀 I feel like bella would love when you wear mini skirts/dresses, but hate when others, especially men are staring!!

🎀 even tho your closet is mostly pastel-coloured, you love wearing bella’s baggy tomboy t-shirts

🎀 and they would love you wearing them even more

🎀 most of the time bella’s amazed with the magic you can do with makeup or the complicated hairstyles you’re able to create on your head

🎀 whenever you get the opportunity you love to curl their hair cuz they look amazing with the waves (the gif🧎🏿‍♀️)

ANYWAY

🎀 bella loves to show you off so whenever she has some event going on, they take you to the red carpet with her and always make sure you two are matching

🎀 if you are also famous she’s at all of your important events/premieres!!

🎀 one of bella’s love languages is gift giving so whenever he sees you admiring a new bag or a fancy dress, few days later you have it laying on your bed in a gift bag/box with a small gift-card from your lovely partner <33

🎀 whenever a dude in a public is staring at you they always wrap an arm around your waist and hold you closer to them

🎀 bella loves shopping with you, their favorite part is when you get home and you’re trying on all the stuff you bought putting on a little show

🎀 you have matching bracelets you made for the two of you awwh

🎀 talking about bracelets bella loves buying you a fancy jewelry, they definitely got you a promise ring on your either b-day or anniversary

🎀 let’s stick to the rings; whenever you buy a new ring for bella they wear it for next interview and whenever the interviewer mentions their ring she’s always like “yeah, my gf got me this!”

🎀 bella’s definitely a sucker for thighs so when you’re wearing short skirt it’s hard for them to keep their hands to themselves

🎀 if you’re the type of person that would say “there is nothing in there” while staring at the closet filled to bursting with clothes they’d would just raise an eyebrow and give you one of their comfy grey sweatshirt <33

🎀 matching earrings!!!

🎀 you stealing one of their t-shirts and them asking you after like 6 moths if you don’t know where that t-shirt is

🎀 when you and bella officially announced that you are a couple people were shocked cuz you “didn’t look gay” ( no because how are we fem!lesbians/bi/pan girls supposed to look gay? )

🎀 if you are not famous, you definitely had a social media and dating an actor kinda helped raising the numbers up so you may or may not started thinking about posting grwm’s/makeup tutorials if you do bella’s always commenting something like “first” or “can I get a hi🥺”

🎀 last but not least you two would definitely became the “it couple” as the perfect example of masc! and fem! or some shit like that. 😍

[respectthepetty]

For me - I really hope Yuan is super super petty in the upcoming episodes because……from his point of view, surely it feels like Quan cut him out of his life SO EASILY. I would be all “ I suffered for 4 years while I was away and what did you do?!”

I know Yuan will be grown up and all understanding and what ever - but I think everything Quan is GOING to say about his friend and his sister will be affirmation enough about their “brother bond”

I also neeeeeed San Ping to eat his own words because……boy, how is what you have with Lilli different? Every excuse you’re about to give - no wonder Yuan is in the back with his popcorn!

It’s been so long since I’ve watched a show that I have WANTED the ness, the angst and the pain!!!

I am sorry to disappoint you but I have NOT been paying attention to colours, so you have really been helping me through this one!

Anon, I can't believe I, the pettiest person, am about to write this:

I want Yuan to be better than me.

I want him to be petty for five seconds, then I need him to be nice to Qian.

Normally, I'd be advocating for the main character to make his love interest suffer, but unlike all these other BL boys who make dumb decisions and force a separation from their loved one that doesn't make sense, Qian makes sense.

Qian was abused as a child by his mother. Physically (and sexually).

Qian put his life on the line for his siblings because he fully considers them to be his siblings.

Qian was at a work event when Yuan confessed.

Qian sees himself as a parental figure, so if Yuan has feelings for him, what did Qian do to evoke those feelings form Yuan? He was worried about Lili wearing a red shirt and going out, so what is Qian's internal conflict now that Yuan forced a kiss on him? Is he somehow his mother? Someone who was supposed to care for him yet abused him.

Even if Qian could see Yuan as something other than a brother, Yuan has endless possibilities at his feet. Qian specifically stated he didn't want Yuan running home to take care of him because Qian knows Yuan has a future . . . if he isn't always taking care of Qian.

And even if Qian could see a future with them, Yuan was drunk, at his job, during an important event. This is the thinnest argument because we know Yuan was sick and upset, but Qian is stoic and compartmentalizes, so Yuan's emotional outburst, like that, about that, THERE?! I don't carry Qian's baggage, yet I would have been so much worse to Yuan.

So how does a man with that level of trauma deal with any of this? He cares. That's obvious. But how much can he care and in what ways? Someone else already wrote about Qian having NO romantic partners or even shown to have romantic interest. Does a movie star count? No. It's safe. It's distant. He doesn't have to do anything.

He hugs the toilet more than he hugs Lili.

He made it clear to San Pang that Yuan was hugging him in bed not the other way around.

And yet Qian's immediate reaction to knowing Yuan was in front of him was to touch him.

And yet after getting the shit beat out of him, Qian comforted Yuan.

I live for petty ass shit. It's my breakfast, lunch, and dinner, plus midnight snack. But it would hurt my heart if Yuan carried on his petty shenanigans to the point that Qian doubted Yuan's love or the feelings he has begun to develop in Yuan's absence.

Qian needed time, and he got it. Now, Qian needs to know that whatever he is beginning to feel isn't wrong.

Yuan can be petty to San Pang all day every day because San Pang can handle it. He has two loving parents who have rental properties. He has a girlfriend who is a hardworking model. He has a swing in his office.

But Qian?

He only had his brother and his sister.

And, somehow, with that confession, they are both gone.

[getvalentined]

I am so sick of people asserting that Cloud's father is some super special important person like it's some explanation for the fact that he was able to save the world. Superior bloodline stuff never sits well with me in the first place, but in this case it's just so antithetical to the actual thesis of FF7 and does such a huge disservice to multiple characters that it makes me white hot angry.

The most popular contender is President Shinra, because Cloud being a Shinra bastard would (somehow) explain why he's allowed into the company at such a young age (even though enlistment age appears to be 14 and Cloud left Nibelheim to enlist at 14) and how he wound up on so many important missions—because it can't possibly be that he's actually competent, he's so pretty, how could he possibly be competent? It's not as if we see him being staggeringly competent from jump in every title where he's featured, including those that start prior to him being forcibly mako enhanced by Hojo. Clearly this is nepotism.

After all, we know that President Shinra is always so supportive of his bastards! That's why Lazard hid his identity and worked his way up the ranks to become director of SOLDIER at the youngest possible age and then set about trying to orchestrate a hostile takeover of the company by allowing all three of his best operatives to defect in the middle of a war, a process that was only thrown off because one of them passed off every single mission where he would have had an opportunity to go AWOL.

This was clearly the result of nepotism. There's just so much nepotism going on there. Obviously.

The newest contender is Glenn Lodbrok, the lead character from the First SOLDIER section of Ever Crisis, because he's blond-haired and blue-eyed and presumably one of the first people in Project 0 to survive some level of the mako enhancement process. I guess this is supposed to mean that him being Cloud's father would be a perfect explanation for Cloud actually being capable of literally anything, since the only way for him to become the hero that was chosen by the planet to keep it alive would be if it's part of some bloodline destiny.

There are a whole host of issues with Glenn as an option here, not the least of which is the canonical lore about Cloud's father, namely that he was some nobody traveler who kinda passed through and got Claudia pregnant and then left; he may have died up in the mountains, but apparently all that was ever found was his pack, so there's no way to be sure. Further, Claudia was very young at this point—according to her original concept art declaring her to be 33 at the time of her death, she gave birth to Cloud at 16-17 years old.

Glenn is one of two possible age ranges: if he was active in the early stages of Project 0, being a character in the First SOLDIER battle royale game, then he was around 21 in 1985, meaning a 21 year old knocked up Claudia Strife when she was 15 and then walked out on her. If he's 21 during the events of Ever Crisis, which seems likely based on his character design, that would make him 14 at the oldest when Claudia got pregnant.

Okay, I know this kind of thing happens IRL, but I feel pretty confident in the statement that there is absolutely no way that that's the direction SE is taking this timeline and characterization. I'm not even sorry. That's not happening. Either he's giving "predator," or he's Deadbeat Dad: High School Freshman Edition.

But that's honestly not even the worst of it, the math not matching up is entirely irrelevant when the implications of this assertion are applied to the actual thesis of this series as a whole, to the characters we already know, to the actual lore. Claiming that Cloud is only special because of the sperm donation of a man who abandoned him literally removes any concept of his competence as a character, declaring that he's just the newest iteration in a line of "worthy" men. He can't be worth anything unless his father is worth something. He can't be good at anything unless his father is good at something.

Beyond that, it casts Claudia aside entirely, asserting that the fact that she raised Cloud doesn't matter—she may have brought him up entirely on her own, but that doesn't actually matter. She didn't instill values and morals and guidelines into him that would allow him to grow up into a man who could save the world, she was just an incubator, a nursemaid, a nanny, a cook. She was just a servant who kept him alive long enough for his father's bloodline to awaken within him and make him into the hero he was always meant to be.

Insisting that Cloud's value as a character hinges in any way on his father, a person who had no place in his life whatsoever and whom he doesn't even remember, takes away his agency and declares Claudia to be irrelevant. It says that a sperm donation matters more than an upbringing. It says that the place he started is the only thing that defines where Cloud will end up.

This is literally, 100 percent, the opposite of the thesis of this series. The entire concept of these games, of these storylines, is that the way you were made doesn't have to dictate what you can be, who you are, where you're going. Your genetics do not define you, and assumptions to the contrary are literally what make people into monsters. What matters is the people you love, the people who love you, and the person you are now as a result of those people.

And the fact of the matter is that regardless of timelines, regardless of characterizations, regardless of theories, Cloud Shinra and Cloud Lodbrok didn't save the world.

Cloud Strife did.

Claudia Strife's son did.

And I think people could stand to give both of them a hell of a lot more credit.

[dont-drink-paint]

So anyway. I read Dark Imperium and now I am having thoughts about it. Especially Marneus Calgar's complicated feelings about Guilliman's return. It is super interesting to me, allow me to obsess about it for a bit:

The Primarchs have been mythical figures for millennia. Calgar, and probably every Ultramarine before him, have been fantasizing about Guilliman's return and how great it will be. Dreaming about this legendary event that make it all better and set the world right! And well, it happened! It's a miracle! The best thing to happen in your life but also, it didn't go like it did in your imagination and that's almost... disappointing.

For ten thousand years the Ultramarines have been crying over Guilliman's old furniture. They're holy relics of the Primarch. And now Guilliman just sits in them. The only reason that this chair was even important in the first place is that it was his chair. Of course he's sitting in his chair but it just stings. It was venerated for generations and now it's just furniture again. Don't you care this is a sacred relic? In a religion that Calgar doesn't even believe in himself? Ridiculous feeling, but still there.

It's one thing that Calgar has to do unsavory things that he wished he didn't have to. Calgar is just a guy who is trying his best in a tough situation. This shouldn't be necessary for the Primarch! What would it mean if the being that was supposed to be the greatest of all and fix everything by his mere presence is also a guy who's trying his best?

He can't blame the Primarch for this! He's unable to see Guilliman as anything else than the greatest, coolest, most amazing person ever. That the galaxy didn't get fixed as it should be has to be someone else's fault, it is everyone else that sucks.

The legendary event that was supposed to set the world right happened, and the galaxy still sucks. What else is there now? The love for your Primarch has been so deeply ingrained into you, you can't possibly even blame him.

[chaifootsteps]

I get mad thinking about Vivziepop’s questionable writing or dialogue choices sometimes—and then I just feel sad after because I really wish I could see her shows as something naunced and worthy of thoughtful discussion. I wish I could love these shows wholeheartedly like I use to, and its only the attachment I still hold for her works that keep me sticking around, but man, I feel so disheartened sometimes that I wish I could just let it go and move on already, but its hard.

I don’t see either of her shows being things that are going to be remembered as super amazing or have a fandom passionate about the work like 10 years down the line. I can’t look at her characters and think about their possible motivations or analyze them deeply based on interaction, or just general presence in the story, because there is no depth greater than a pond. With her antagonists she writes them in such a particular way that they serve less as actual characters and more as glorified plot devices and nothing more, and with her protagonists she leaves them as overdeveloped or underdeveloped at the same time.

What am I suppose to take when watching her shows? With Helluva Boss, I can’t tell what I’m suppose to gleam from it. Is the story about relationships and focuses on character interaction and characters more than the plot itself? Its not doing that great of a job at that. Theres no changes in character dynamics, characters dont really interact with one another meaningfully most of the time, and relationships arent explored enough outside of already established ones. Is it about fighting against a system that is rigged against you and standing up against the ones in power? No, it isn’t, because the opression our main characters face isnt relevant enough in the story outside of the ocassional reminder that, yes, Imps are the lowest in the system, yes, imps can be quite literally sold as property and serve as servants and the working force to the ones in power, and, yes, imps face discrimination. (Can you tell the supremacist line pissed me off yet.)

I.M.P—who are all apart of marginalized species in hell—do not talk about these issues they face. Crimson is literally a mafia boss in Greed and he doesn’t seem to have any problems being a imp in power despite the demons working under him being higher in status than he himself is. (Minus the money problems because it doesnt seem actually relevant to anything and isnt brought up afterwards) Why have our main characters be apart of the lower class at all if it isnt actually important to the show. By the end of this show, the hierachy isnt going to change because status quo is god, and the worst case scenario possible is that Blitz gets with Stolas and becomes a prince and lives a life where the same species he’s apart of literally serves under him.

And speaking of status quo, what on earth is season 2 of Hazbin going to even be about if season 1 ends in a literal war between Heaven and Hell? You don’t just change the status quo that drasitically in one season—unless if Hell and Heaven were at war since the start? But it doesnt seem that way. Would Season 2 focus on redemption—but if that’s the case, why make season 1 the war between hell and heaven when season 2 would be more fitted for it instead?

I never thought these shows would be on ‘Breaking Bad’ tier levels of writing, but I thought they were going to at least be something I could walk away from with a clear understanding of what message it wants to tell and how I can interpret it as part of an auidence, but maybe I was wrong to think the stories Medrano writes have something wonderfully insightful to give, and it really hurts to think about.

I know how you feel, Anon. A shame we can't all have just one day to look into the good timeline where Viv's the writer and person we hoped she would be, and these shows are everything we were looking forward to.

[mikerztmf]

two ppl asked and i shall deliver!! so have a whole essay about jake-centric drake 👍👍

the natural place to start talking about jake's feelings about drew is near the start of their friendship: the freshman scene in ep9. i think this scene (and ep11) is one of the few points where you can really tell what jake thinks of drew. and to sum it up, he thinks pretty highly of him.

it's never super obvious, but when you think about it, drew really meant so much to jake. because drew was really jake's first friend after middle school, the first person to ever accept him so easily. BUT, he couldn't necessarily tell drew that, bc he'd be forced to open up about his past and his passion for music (which is like. the one thing he doesn't want to do)

and imo, jake caring about drew (and henriam ofc but this ain't abt them) and genuinely wanting to be friends is sort of... integral to who he is as a character, in a way. jake changed himself to keep drew, bc he cared about what drew thought of him. whether or not he was right, jake assumed that drew would bully him/drop him if he ever found out that he liked music. jake didn't wanna lose drew, so he kept quiet and lied. it obviously wasn't RIGHT, but still, it's what he does.

once he got closer to the music club, things got way more complicated though, because jake's lies became more than just lies of omission. and eventually, he grew distant towards drew around eps8-10. HOWEVER, i dont think he was really aware that he was doing it, or that he was inherently being an asshole/bad friend on purpose???

i think that's proven in the drake fight. like, jake lied to protect his friendship with drew, but it obviously backfired on him in the long run ("how am i supposed to know anything about your passion when you don't tell me anything anymore!?"). so jake only actually realised his mistakes, especially how badly he treated drew in the past month of canon, when they were thrown in his face by DREW HIMSELF.

and you see jake himself be surprised before quickly cracking, because he realised that drew was right. he has been lying for years. and it's sorta important to think abt the words here. "if you care so much about your friends, jake, why don't you spit out the truth already?!" ...quickly followed by jake spitting out the truth. not only did (and probably still does) jake care about drew, but he also considered them friends! WHICH ALSO EXPLAINS "nice to know we were never really friends." "that's not...! drew..."

jake trying to defend himself shows that even after everything, he still viewed drew as a friend, and wanted drew to hear him out and stay in his life. like, idk, after he came clean, jake still cared about what drew thought, and hoped that he'd want to still be his friend too.

i talked abt this in my last essay, but jake was so broken up after the fight. sure, it looked like he'd moved on, but the way he thought he saw the jomies at the competition + the right now mep part just kinda proved that he hadn't. and idk, i can only imagine that it hurts - losing your first friend, and only having yourself to blame because you lied to his face in an attempt to keep him.

LMAO SO IDK i think jake sort of did value drew as a friend, and that maybe, just maybe, drake is not as unrequited as people think?? imo their issue wasn't really that it was one-sided, but bc they never told eachother how much they valued eachother (for whatever reason)

[v-i-r-i-d-i-a-n]

YOU WANNA KNOW SOMETHIN

Y’ALL ACTUALLY WANNA KNOW HOW I FEEL ABT MIKE WILL AND EL??

I just want them to be happy

I started watching stranger things because of the hype of S4, I watched the first season with my parents in 2018 but didn’t rlly remember anything abt the plot and I didn’t get past episode where Jonathan’s camera was broken because I physically couldn’t watch anything with embarrassment at that point in my life

Anyways all I remember is that I didn’t care abt milkvan, like at all, I had no emotional attachment to them, I thought they were vaguely cute? But I felt like I had seen this formula a million times before and it was boring at that point, so I just didn’t really care abt them, I loved the characters don’t get me wrong but their relationship just never really felt that important to me, I always preferred them as friends anyways, their platonic interactions were always my favorites

I knew that I just wanted these little fuckers to be happy and if Mike and Eleven being together made them happy so be it, even then tho I was starting to realize the differences between Mike/Will and Mike/El but I could’ve passed off S2 Byler was platonic if they wrote Mileven super cute, but at that point I hadn’t seen them together on screen enough to rlly have any attachment to them

And then I watched S3, and S4

And I realized if I want these characters to be happy they cannot be together- they’re relationship does not work, it is not healthy, it’s not good for either of them- and it’s not good for Will

THEY COULD’VE SALVAGED IT IN S3 WRITTEN THEIR PROBLEMS OFF AS IT BEING MIKES FIRST RELATIONSHIP AND HOW HES STILL A KID AND DOESNT ENTIRELY UNDERSTAND AND HOW EL DOESNT ENTIRELY UNDERSTAND WHAT IT IS TO BE A PERSON YET

BUT THEN WE’RE SHOWN EL LITERALLY AT HER HAPPIEST WHEN SHE ISNT HANGING OUT WITH MIKE?? WE’RE TOLD MIKE AND HER DO NOT HAVE PROPER CONVERSATIONS ABOUT EACH OTHER- ABOUT THE THINGS THEY LIKE TO DO- THE THINGS THEY JUST LIKE- AND IM SUPPOSED TO BE ROOTING FOR THEM???

We’re shown El giggling and having a good time after breaking up with Mike, we’re told that El see’s him as “her first boy friend” which means she thinks she’s gonna get another eventually- we’re SHOWN El being happy without Mike

We’re shown that Mike keeps El in a holding place she doesn’t want to be in anymore

AND THEN WE’RE SHOWN WILL BEING DEVASTATED WITHOUT MIKE, WE’RE SHOWN AND TOLD THAT WILL LOVES MIKE AND WE’RE SHOWN THAT WILL KNOWS HIM AND HOW TO HELP HIM AND HOW TO MAKE HIM FEEL BETTER AND WE’RE SHOWN JUST HOW DIFFERENT AND IMPORTANT THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS

EVEN JUST THE ENDING OF S3 WHERE MIKE AND WILLS CONVERSATION ENDS WITH THEM SWEETLY SMILING AT EACH OTHER WELL MAKING PROMISES TO NEVER REPLACE EACH OTHER WELL MIKE AND ELS ENDS WITH THEM KISSING AND MIKE HAVING HIS EYES OPEN AND EL WALKING AWAY FROM HIM WELL HE STANDS STARING LOOKING VAGUELY DISGUSTED WITH THE INTERNAL DIALOGUE OF “what’s wrong with me” ?????????

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO ROOT FOR THE COUPLE THAT HAS BEEN SHOWN TIME AND TIME AND TIME AGAIN TO BE BETTER OFF AS FRIENDS??? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO ROOT FOR THEM WHEN THEY DONT SEEM TO MAKE EACH OTHER HAPPY??? WHEN THEY KNOW LIKE NOTHING ABT EACH OTHER? WHEN ONE OF THEM IS ALWAYS SAYING THEY DONT LIKE THE OTHERS INTERESTS?? WHEN LOOKING OBJECTIVELY AT IT THEIR PERSONAL ARCS GO IN LIKE OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS???

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO NOT ROOT FOR THE COUPLE THAT HAS BEEN SHOWN TIME AND TIME AGAIN TO KNOW EACH OTHER THE BEST OUT OF EVERYONE??? TO HAVE SOME OF THE SWEETEST SCENES AND HEART TO HEARTS AND PARALLELS SO MANY CANON COUPLES ?? WHO MAKES OOGLY EYES AT EACH OTHER AND SMILE AND PROMISE EACH OTHER THEY WONT REPLACE ONE ANOTHER

I just want El and Mike and Will to be happy and looking objectively at it Mike and El breaking up seems to be when El is the happiest, and Mike and Will being together is when they’re at their happiest

[myuiis]

(same anon who asked for sinu analysis) well first off let me ask your thoughts on YeonhuixSinu

Despite my undying love for this man- I'll admit they're cute n all BUT I always felt it was undeveloped.

I don't know if it's just me but when Jason (I think) said he'd snitch about him being with neko to her I was confused back when he was still under the influence of those pills at workers. Like, Did I miss something? Did I forget something from the gaps between the arcs? Idk. But even if she was shown to be worried over Sinu, it didn't seem romantic at all especially that all the big deal girls cared too. PTJ also made it seem like an already established relationship and I'm still questioning when?? She seemed to know him well and all but no hinting of any romantic attraction was there, just your average big deal romanticism and admiration lol.

I understand that PTJ has to leave some details away for the sake of the pacing but I think he could've at least thrown some hints here and there.

ok yeah. so this won't be a super long post because i am tired but good lord i am very... lukewarm about sinu and yeonhui. im with you on the "who?" when yeonhui was mentioned again in 2a. now im glad that sinu is with someone he's happy with but man... sinu and yeonhui is just such a mid ship compared to literally anyone else he could've been shipped with. let me explain.

yeonhui's lack of presence in the story. now this is probably the main reason i find this ship so lackluster. how am i supposed to root for a ship when the female love interest is literally like npc #125? while she did have more presence than the other girls on the street, this isn't really a high bar considering ptj's track record writing female characters. and this isn't to say she was boring or had a bland personality either (even though she KINDA did...). she was strong and independent, stood up to samuel when he tried to extort them for money (iirc), bore the burden of sinu's sacrifice and stayed strong for big deal, and was there to comfort jake when he learned of the news. she could've been a REALLY interesting character because she was so strong and also stuck to her ideals in the same way sinu did, so they could've been such a power couple, had yeonhui been developed more. it would've been nice to see yeonhui and sinu strategize about how to protect big deal together, or see more of yeonhui bandaging and caring for sinu after he gets hurt, or seeing sinu bring yeonhui gifts and money... or anything, really. the two have barely have any substantial interactions over the entire arc besides the last part where sinu's about to sacrifice himself, so much so that it makes me wonder... who is this yeonhui person? why are they important again.

chemistry. this mainly comes up to personal preference but yeonhui and sinu feel more like an older sister-younger brother dynamic to me. yeonhui took sinu in as a child, fed, clothed, and cared for him, and then continues to take care of him as an adult, which comes off as big sis behavior. again, some people may like this dynamic romantically, but i personally find it super platonic and sibling-leaning.

other sinu ships. idk. just find it a LITTLE heteronormative that any man and woman who share a little bit of screentime together are instantly a couple while sinu and jake can be out here pulling "you are my everything" and "i came back to big deal for you and you alone, jake" moments, and they'll still be just "good bros". again, kind of up to personal preference, but if you compare yeonhui x sinu to jake x sinu or even samuel x sinu, there's a clear lack of interactions and chemistry for yeonhui x sinu

so yeah. thats kinda it. this ended up being way longer than i expected so im not gonna write a conclusion paragraph but those are my thoughts around yeonhui and sinu together romantically.

[stargazer-sims]

1. Introduction (Video #1)

Caroline

Hey everybody!

My name is Caroline Okamoto-Nelson. I’m seventeen years old, and I live in Willow Creek. I like horses, cooking, shopping and J-pop. I really love swimming. I guess you might even say I'm obsessed with it. I'm really good at it too, and I have the medals to prove it.

People often comment that I look like both my parents, which is super funny to me since I’m not actually biologically related to them at all. I guess people say I resemble them because I have pale hair and blue eyes like Victor, and I have Japanese facial features like Yuri. Honestly, though, I don't mind if strangers assume I'm literally theirs. I am theirs in every way that matters, and being adopted is amazing because I know they love me enough to want to make me part of their family forever. I love them a lot, and even though I think about my biological parents sometimes, Victor and Yuri will always be my real parents.

Yeah, I have two dads, and to avoid things getting confusing I should let you know that I usually call them by their names. Some people think that's weird and a few people think it's disrespectful, but it's not weird to me. I started out as Victor and Yuri's foster child when I was six years old, after my biological father passed away, and I didn't want to call either of them Daddy or Papa or whatever. They were okay with that, and when they officially adopted me about a year later, the habit had already stuck.

I do call Victor 'Dad' sometimes, probably a lot more often than I call Yuri 'Papa'. Yuri says I only call him Papa when I really want something, which... is kinda not inaccurate. Luckily, he has a good sense of humour about it.

Let's see... Another important thing you should know about me straight away is that I'm blind. Before anybody starts demanding to know how a blind person can use a camera and make a video, remember blindness is a spectrum. Most people who fit into the category of blindness can see at least a little bit. There aren't that many people who're totally blind.

As for me, I was born with something called oculocutaneous albinism, which is why I look the way I do even though I'm one hundred percent Japanese. My condition means I have no pigment in my skin, hair and eyes, and it's why I have low vision.

I can see well enough to get around, but I do use my white cane at night or in unfamiliar places. I'm able to read large print, and I can see enough to use my computer and phone if I wear my glasses. I can do most normal things, actually. The only things that are really off-limits are driving and anything that requires good visual acuity, like cutting in a straight line, putting small objects together or sewing. Unfortunately, this means I'll never get to be a nurse like Victor. That's what I originally wanted to be, until I got older and started to understand my disability and finally realized that I don't see the same way everyone else does.

I don't want anybody to feel sorry for me because of my disability. I'm not unhappy or bitter about it and I don't need anyone's sympathy or pity. As a matter of fact, I have an awesome life, and I wouldn't want to change a thing.

On the subject of my life, that brings me around to why I'm making this video in the first place. I just started twelfth grade last week, and my best friends Forest and Camellia and I decided to sign up for media studies as one of our electives. The course runs for the whole school year, and we have to do one major project as well as some small assignments. Camellia and Forest got permission to work together — they're twins and they seem to want to do practically everything together — and they're making a podcast. I decided my project is going to be a documentary about myself. A video autobiography, I suppose you could say.

The plan is to chronicle my life from now till June, but it's not just going to be a video journal about random stuff that happens to me this year. I want to tell the story of my life so far, about how I went from being an unwanted baby in Japan to being the loved, talented, cute and successful person I am today.

These videos aren't going to be only me talking in front of a camera, either. I'm planning to interview my friends and family, and maybe also to give them the camera so they can record some thoughts of their own. Then, I'll edit everything and get it ready for the final presentation.

I've decided to call it Caroline & Company. I may be the main subject of this story, but nobody can exist alone. We all need company. I don't think it'd even be possible to survive without the guidance and support of family and friends, not to mention teachers, coaches, therapists, doctors and all the other people we interact with on a daily basis. Every person in my life is important, so I feel like they need to be acknowledged in some way.

Our teacher, Mr. Blanchet, is going to help our class design a website so that all our projects will be available for everyone to see at the end of the school year. Maybe it's nerdy of me to be excited for a school project, but I"m really looking forward to doing this, and I can hardly wait to see what my classmates come up with as well.

I think it's going to be an incredible year!

[sugarsfics]

HELLO!! I've been following you for a while and I honestly fell in love with your writing! i wanted to request an order if you don't want to do idk i'm ok with that! eddie x where he forgets her birthday and she's super hurt because a few months ago eddie said she was planning something so when she starts ignoring him about it he's like "what's going on?" 😁🤍

It's My Party and I Will Cry If I Want to

Summary: It is your birthday, a day that is supposed to be about you to celebrate you. But how could you celebrate it when the people you love forgot, Eddie forgot, your boyfriend forgot 

Trope: Eddie x girlfriend!reader  

A/N: Hiii sweets I hope this is what you wanted, not going to lie my family forgot my birthday so I put some of my anger into this buttttt yea  

Warings: HURT to comfort, crying cussing, big sad, big mad, kissing, fluff 

Word count: 2.0k 

As your birthday grew closer, your smile faded. For everyone birthday you would go all out for them, you would make sure to go to everyone's birthday party, dinner, or event, anything they had, you were always there. Eddie said he was planning something for you 5 months ago but never heard anything about it again, you didn’t want to ask him about it directly so you started to talk about ideas for your birthday in hopes he would say something about his plans. He just would say “whatever you want to do baby” then when you would talk about the dates “whenever you want it to be” Now it was your birthday month and everyone keep shutting down your plans, they were too busy. You would move the date to change your plans for them, but they always said you couldn’t make it. You just stopped asking and talking about your birthday. 

It was your birthday month; Eddie hadn’t said anything about your birthday. Did he forget? No can’t forget his girlfriend's birthday. You and Eddie were hanging out at his trailer it was eating at you “Hey Eddie?” “Yes” he said looking up at you from sweetheart “Do we have any plans this month” “Not that I know of” “Like no special events or birthdays or anything” “Nope” he fuckin forgot. “Check the calendar my important dates are on there” you walk over and looked at your birthday it was blank Dustin's birthday was a few days before yours, his birthday was there, not yours. How could he forget the most important day of your life? Most people would call you conceded for how you feel about your birthday, you loved your birthday how could you not it was the one day a year the celebrated you, it was your day. He forgot your day. You left shortly after not giving him a kiss. When he leaned in you moved your face, he kissed your cheek, you made some excuse for moving your face but left before he asked for another.  

Eddie hasn’t seen you since that night at your trailer. He was so confused. Every time he called to hang out or just to see you, you would decline. It was hard on him he missed you. He called everyone to see if they had seen you or talked to you, no one had. You have been in your room, Eddie called you every day, but you kept it short with him. You were so hurt how could he forget? The day of Dustin’s birthday party arrived, it was the day before yours, as much as you wanted to stay home, you weren’t going to let your feelings get in the way of his day the day Eddie remembered. Eddie was there; he didn’t know you were there until Robin asked you if you wanted a refill. He grabbed Robin’s hand “Y/N is here?” “Yea she has been here for like two hours already” why were you avoiding him? You didn’t talk at all, no one noticed, but Eddie did. Normally how parties go in the group is after cake they talk about the next event, you had hopes that they would start talking about your birthday since it was tomorrow. They started talking about Nancy’s birthday that was two months away. They all forgot. You left, you couldn’t take it, Eddie followed you out “Hey where are you going” you quickly lied “I am sleepy haven’t been sleeping to good” “Me either” he said you started walking away “I haven’t seen you almost all month” yea that’s the whole point “Yea I have been busy” “Oh” “Can I come over” he asked “That is if your aren’t busy” “Nope I am not busy so sure come on over” you made sure to pop the P. He met you at your house, you were already inside when he got there. He walked into your bedroom and saw you fixing your bed you hoped in facing the wall. “Hey” he said while climbing in “Are we ok” “Peachy” what the fuck did he do “Oh ok well good night lo-” “Night”  

You woke up the morning of your birthday in an empty bed. You looked at your mirror and saw a note from Eddie “Be back later love you” No happy birthday. You spent the whole day crying, crying, crying, crying, he forgot everyone forgot. It was 4 o'clock no one called or came by, you have never felt this hurt before, you do so much for everyone, you would never forget their birthdays. At 4:30 the phone finally rang “Heyyy” It was Robin “So we are all at Dustin’s house Jonathon got an amazing promotion at work so they are all celebrati- aye watch it Munson” Eddie was there “So you should come over put on something pretty” she giggled “Yea ok” you hung up. He left you on your birthday to go to another party. You were livid tears streaming down your face but not sad tears, hot angry tears.  

Numb is what you felt driving to Dustin’s they all forgot, tears flooded your eyes once again, wiping them you were done crying about them. So many things running through your mind, you wanted to be a petty bitch and tell them at midnight that they missed your birthday, but you didn’t want to ruin Jonathan's moment you knew how hard he was working to get that promotion. When you rolled up to the house, yep everyone was there you could see your boyfriend's van. You put on a happy face when you knock on the door. No one answered, you knocked again and nothing. That was the last straw, you open the door ready to yell when “SURPRISE” everyone jumped out, they all had little party hats on. Eddie came to you first “Happy birthday baby” he hugged you; you broke down. “Hey hey what’s going on” “I-I- thought you all forgot” “No we could never forget” “But my birthday wasn’t on the calendar” “Yea because I don’t need a piece of paper to remember my girl’s birthday” They told you there plan to have a surprise party, Eddie wasn’t supposed to tell you that he was planning something, they all said that they were busy for your plans for that way they could have this party, and they didn’t want to talk about your birthday because they knew someone would slip up. Ah everything made since. After the crying fest, you had the best party ever, they did an amazing job. After you spent the night at Eddie’s “Um babe” he said “Yes” “Were you ignoring me because you thought I forgot your birthday” “Yea I am so sorry about that I was mad and I-” “It’s ok you don’t have to explain, I do feel horrible for making you feel that way” “Not going to lie it sucked I cried a lot but today made up for it” “sorry your boyfriend is a blabbermouth and can’t kept a secret” “I’m sorry that I couldn’t talk to you about it” “We have some things to work on but its ok......how about we make up for it by kissing” you pulled him down into a much-needed kiss “God I missed these lips” he said. And you kissed all night long. 

Tag list: @thefreak0fhawkinshigh

[silver-horse]

So in order most to least excited, which companions arcs are you the most eager to see play out?

That's so difficult to answer because I can't wait to find out more about all of them but for different reasons.

If I only take into account who my favourites are then it's Shadowheart and Astarion. I'm super curious what she might discover about her past. Also Shadowheart is absolutely the most important companion for the main story! She carries the artifact that is the key to everything probably and everybody wants it. Larian even talked about how difficult it was to write around this. (Because what if somebody doesn't recruit her and they want to allow complete freedom in that.) With Astarion I feel like there is actually a bit less mystery. But I am very curious who that Maiden Fel is and why she sent the hunter after him etc.

If you had asked me a year or two ago, I would have said Lae'zel is third, then Wyll and then Gale would have been my least favourite. (not that I didn't like him, I am interested in all of their stories) Anyway their stories are changing and I dunno who my favs are anymore. lol

I'm curious if we can turn Lae'zel against the githyanki or maybe she could gain influence among them and then we could use them as allies against the mindflayers and the absolute??

In Wyll's case I am mostly concerned. Maybe that worry will go away once I see that they didn't change him too much. His story still the same, they just added extra scenes. But right now I can't be sure. And if they had to change the voice actor then they had to record every single line again, so they could have thought… oh we might as well change it more. (Plus it will be a bit difficult to get used to a new voice after 2+ years of playing this game.)

Gale is quickly becoming more interesting. When they added those circles under his eyes it was an improvement. lol Then he had the whole makeover with the earrings. And of course now we know about his intent to usurp Mystra. So yeah, I do like ambitious characters.

With Jaheira and Minsc I expect they won't do anything too drastic because they are far too beloved. I have now played the original games (in a rushed fashion so I will have to return to them) so I am curious what they will do with them. For me Jaheira is more of a fav than Minsc.

Karlach is in a very bad position so I wonder how that will play out. But I don't know her all that well yet. Ofc that means there is more to discover...

And Halsin wasn't originally designed to be a companion, so I dunno how important he will be? Fans liked him from the beginning (which was almost 3 years ago) and Larian immediately noticed and commented on it. lol So they had time to integrate him into the story more, I suppose.

Minthara was originally the one I had the least interest in. Just because in my main playthrough I know I will have to kill her. So that will be it. But I am planning a playthrough where I will recruit and probably romance her. And the panel from hell made me more interested because they showed a scene where she is attacked by the bigger baddies and we have to protect her. So I wonder if even she can be swayed to become a bit less evil after her own allies treated her like that. In truth an evil playthrough is sooo tempting. I might actually end up playing it simultaneously with the good.

[turtlecleric]

assumption - others have said in need of a hug (yes true) but also,

may not have been praised in the way that you deserved growing up and instead others tried to dim your light because they were envious or wanted to see you fail (->im here to tell you they suck ass. you're everything and more; skilled; determined; worthy; and i love you so so much and i am so so proud of you)

Did you know that I would die for you? Did you know that I love you so goddamn much? Did you?

This is way too much personal info that no one actually cares to know, probably, but. I'm sort of avoiding work on purpose at the moment and I'm having a really rough day. Who needs therapy when you have asks on Tumblr to rant in? (I'm joking, to be clear. Actual therapy is so valuable and important if you manage to find a competent professional who clicks well with you. The only reason I stopped going is because of Covid, time, and money.)

Warning: VERY long vent ahead, please do not feel obligated to read or respond

My dad was really good about praising me in ways that felt genuine, actually, though that made the times he /was/ upset with me all that much worse. My dad isn't perfect, and he's done some things and said some things that I'll never forgive, that I'll never be able to forget, but I would also do anything for him. I know he's there for me when I need it, I know he'll answer when I call, I know that he actually cares about me. He and maybe like two cousins are the only family I would never be able to cut off.

My mom... I guess it was just sort of the baseline bare minimum expectation that I would do things well, so when I /was/ praised it was just like... oh, good job sweetie! Proud of you! But it didn't feel... I don't know how to describe why but... I don't know. Now, when people tell me I do things well I always have that voice in my head that's like "they're just being nice, they don't actually think it's all that great, they expected you to do a much better job than this, actually, why did you even bother sharing? Why did you think this was something to be proud of?" I read way too far into things, interpreting neutral reactions, or even positive reactions that aren't as enthusiastic as I might have hoped for, as proof that people are simply being nice and don't really like what I do or make or say all that much. I always get stuck in this mindset that I'm not allowed to create mediocre content, like it all has to be Excellent or else it's Terrible.

I also remember in high school, posting some drawings on Facebook that I was really proud of. Two drawings, one with hands in chains and cut up and the other with healed hands glowing with holy light and cradling a cross. It was supposed to show the difference between life without God and life with God (I was... VERY religious as a teenager. I am now agnostic.), but she saw the first picture and freaked out, super pissed, yelling at me to take it down, to not embarrass her like that, because people were going to see that and think I was abused or depressed or something (haha... me? Depressed? Nahhhhh). And that was the moment when I knew I could never ever ever share anything even remotely dark with her, that if I ever were to express something that indicated I was anything other than good and happy and perfect then she would react similarly. She's also very judgemental regarding mental health, often made comments about how "people who are/do x are sick, there's just something wrong with them, make sure you stay away from people like that" while I'm sitting on the couch like... oof. That's me. So all my venting went to Tumblr where she couldn't see, and even now I mostly only vent on Tumblr and through writing. I have many wonderful friends that would gladly allow me to vent to them (I love you all so much I love you I love you I love you, thank you for being so kind), but I simply Cannot. I've had a friend before where it felt like all they did was complain, they were always so goddamn negative, and it became a chore to talk to them. I started to get angry every time they said or did something defeatist, I stopped enjoying talking or hanging out with them, and I refuse to be that person. Even if I'm told over and over that I don't come across that way, I'm so terrified of it that when I think about reaching out I start to think of that friend and about how I shouldn't bother people and I panic. Unless I've gotten to the point where I truly believe that nothing I do or say will ruin the friendship, then it's really hard to push through that fear. But that's so much harder than it used to be because I /did/ lose a friend that I thought I would have literally for the rest of my life, I was so 100% confident that we would be 80 years old still hanging out with each other and goofing around, so sure we could go through anything together and stay friends, I knew in my heart and soul that we would be friends until we died, and I was wrong. I was wrong. I also had a different friend who was always there for me, always praised me, always listened to me when I needed it and told me kind things and made sure I felt welcome and loved and viewed positively, and then he fucking assaulted me one night when he thought I was asleep.

Anyway. When I /did/ fail at things growing up, it was either punished more severely than necessary or straight up laughed at. Mom was very hot and cold, too, you could never tell what kind of mood she was going to be in that day. (She is still like this. It's well known in my family that you never know which version of her you're going to get.) Things are fine one moment and then suddenly I'm in trouble for something I didn't even realize I did wrong (like with the drawings), so I'm just. Terrified of not doing well enough at things, of disappointing people, of people being annoyed with me or upset with me over something I didn't even realize was rude or mean or wrong to begin with.

"Don't overstay your welcome; don't bother people" was pounded into my head. I can't express how often I start to say or type something and then think, "No one cares. Stop bothering people. You're being too much, you're being annoying, they're tired of you, just keep it to yourself." I'm working on it but. Yeah. Half the time I still just stop talking or backspace and stay quiet. Even typing this, I'm like... you should delete this. You're basically just begging for attention, and if anyone says anything about this to you then it'll only be because they felt obligated to and they're going to start seeing you as a whiny, pathetic, manipulative person, and they're going to get tired of you and roll their eyes every time you say anything, even if it's not you venting, or they'll see this and think about how stupid or weird it is for you to put this information out on the internet, and even this sentence right here is proof that they'd be right because you're aware of all these thoughts and you're still doing it.

But then another part of me thinks that if I can't even vent on my own blog on a post that literally no one is required to read that is also hidden under a readmore and clearly states that it's a vent post, then where /can/ I vent? And if someone else posted this, would I be this harsh on them? And what's so wrong with seeking attention and comfort? Why is that unforgivable in yourself but admirable in others? Why are you crying at work? Why aren't you doing your job? Why aren't you better? Why aren't you better?

[quadrantbot]

Jake and Dirkjake and other mildly related tangents. (Additional paragraph on alpha kid romance, because I guess that was necessary to me.)

Heads up this post is not positive about Dirkjake like, at all. I'm not saying you can't like it or do anything with it, I am just sharing my own personal opinion and analysis on it. And Jake in general. (I'm not going to tag with Dirkjake because that's a dick move, but I'm not going to intentionally avoid saying it in NON tag text either. Scroll on if you don't like Dirkjake hate. Okay? Cool.) 

Jake is one of those characters that fandom wise, is super mischaracterized. This includes the mischaracterizations in postcanon as well, which also at least to some degree includes Pesterquest. It's confusing to me for several reasons why so many major changes were made to Jake outside of the main comic, but considering how most of the fans do not seem to take him seriously and the writing team for the dubiously canon content seem to lump his existence purely in with Dirk, it's a little understandable.

Jake isn't really too complicated of a character when it comes to likes, dislikes, motivations and issues. Jake likes his movies, the IDEA of adventure, and he loves blue ladies. He doesn't really care for romance at any major point in the story, especially considering his entire friend group had feelings for him, and when it comes down to actual adventures, actual conflict, he's freaked out. Jake has a great deal of care for his friends, even despite the weird romance shit occuring in the group, and his main issue when it comes to that friend group is a lack of communication from everyone involved. Jake "wants" to be important, Jake "wants" to be a hero, Jake "wants" to be a brave adventurer, but these "wants" don't ever appear to reflect in his actions, even so far as contradicting them, leading to conflict between his supposed wants, and what he actually seems to go for. Jake is often seen as a "himbo" by the fandom, but even that is not really all that accurate. Jake isn't stupid. Jake does have some issues when it comes to reading the room, but even when he DOESN'T, it's usually picked up whenever he's in a weird situation that he doesn't want to be in, which can be seen in his conversation with Jane about her romantic feelings for him, or the proposed lack thereof. Should be pages 4587-4593, but I'll screenshot the notable parts I'll be referencing and put them below. 

Jake didn't really seem very convinced when Jane said she DIDN'T have feelings for him, but he just continued along with the conversation, expressing his relief because even if she was lying, he didn't really want to face that sort of thing head on. Jake then goes onto explain the weird shit with Dirk and doesn't exactly seem very interested in him either, but seeing as Jane supposedly has no interest in him, there's a weird sort of obligation going on where he feels he HAS to just let this happen, which doesn't really seem like the common fandom idea that he was like, head over heels for Dirk. There's a vague mention of jokes from "years ago" where they could like each other if Dirk was a girl, but seeing as these are 15 year olds, "years ago" is a pretty vague period of time AND teenagers will say shit like that all of the time! Mostly younger ones, yes, but I think a good portion of teenagers have joked about having feelings for/WOULD have feelings for someone if they were a gal or a guy. Nothing when it came to Jake's behavior was intentionaly shitty or leading Dirk on or anything, because Jake can't always be aware of literally everyone's feelings for him? 

On a vaguely related tangent, I used to be large on the "bi Jake" being canon thing, but just taking the bare minimum look into some of this just makes it seem like he's got no interest in men at all, and his interest in women appears to be from both a jealousy/almost gender envy standpoint (in the way he seems to WANT to be like them,) and a genuine attraction, especially when considering his blue ladies and more specifically, Aranea. (I do not like Aranea/Jake for the record, and if somehow you guys who enjoy that pairing (or any pairing with alpha trolls/anyone who isn't an alphatroll, I'm looking at you Meenkat, Vrismeen and other freaks,) have made it this far, PROSHITS GET OUT!! I am a normal consumer of darkfic not a FREAK!!) I think I can understand those who read Jake as not aromantic, just uninterested in romance with his current issues, but I also thoroughly enjoy reading Jake as arospec as someone who is both arospec AND someone with several arospec friends who like the reading just as much, Jake never seems to take a genuine interest in relationships with anyone, only considering one with Jane or Dirk because they're his friends, and if he's good friends with them, they MUST be good partner options for him. While it's true there can be a good basis on friendship, I don't think the two major Jake ""romance options"" are all that fit even with the basis of friendship, seeing as neither Jane nor Dirk communicate well, and Jake really doesn't either. 

The thing about the base alpha kids (excluding cherubs and any of Dirk's robots, whic includes Lil Hal, despite being a copy of his brain,) is that when it comes to the most prominent "proposed" canon pairings, Dirkjake, Janejake, Dirkroxy, it just seems they only exist because those four are each others only options romantically. Jane likes Jake, so Roxy feels like Dirk is the only option. Dirk, though unlabelled, only has a canon interest in men, so Jake appears to be the only option. Jane seems to like Jake to a degree, but I think that primarily stems from the fact that Jake is extremely kind and caring to all his friends, so she really does see him as HER only option as well. Again, I do think some of the base alpha kids pairings are alright, but that mostly relies on things AFTER the trickster mode section completely explodes all over everyone and the conflicts reach a boiling point. Dirk and Jane make up, and I do think there's something good that could be said about some form of moiraillegiance between the two, because even despite their issues with each other prior to the Dirkjake breakup, they still do care about each other. I also like Jakeroxy as a pairing option, though mostly in a queerplatonic sense, because when Roxy took a step back from any form of romantic interest in Jake because of Jane and later Dirk, Roxy is more capable of having some form of bond with Jake that wouldn't automatically feel like a necessarily romantic thing, and I think their shared caring for their friends and each other could make them closer. The thing about the base proposed pairings between the alpha kids is that, at least in the case of Dirkjake, it's overglorified by the fandom, even if there are ""nuanced"" readings of them. 

This isn't to say that you can't interpret the text however you want, but when it comes to the bare minimum in canon Dirkjake doesn't really work at all. Not as a fluffy pairing, and not as a strange, codependent teenage relationship where they're mutually obsessed with each other and tearing each other apart. Jake has no romantic interest in Dirk. Jake also has a completely reasonable extra reason why, even if he DID have feelings for Dirk, which, according to canon, he doesn't really, they still wouldn't be good together. I definitely understand the value in exploring negative relationships via fictional means, but when it comes to Dirkjake, their conflict isn't complicated, or nuanced, or even really that complex to understand. Dirk didn't know how to properly go through with his feelings for Jake, so he did fucked up shit, and Lil Hal did fucked up shit, and it very easily came crashing down on him. Even without every strange and fucked up thing Dirk and Lil Hal did towards Jake in order to express those feelings, the biggest point of conflict, the decapitated head kiss in front of the volcano, was definitely enough to state that there's nothing really all that great between them, and there's nothing to take from it that really requires or calls for an exploration of the fucked up side of their relationship, because every way I've seen that handled, it's just as full of mischaracterization as fluffy Dirkjake is. I can understand the excitement at "canon gay representation," but at the end of the day, all Dirkjake really is is a one sided relationship between Dirk and a guy who doesn't have any feelings for him outside of platonic ones, a guy who felt an obligation to be with Dirk just because Dirk was his friend. Could that be explored in an interesting and angsty way? Definitely, but that is a Dirkjake interpretation I've seen the least of, if any at all, and that's literally what's set up canonically! 

"But Ro, what about postcanon?" There's a lot to be said about postcanon, and a variety of things that make any form of romantic feelings on Jake's end completely unbelievable to me. For starters, Ult Dirk is in control of postcanon, Alt Calliope is also, to some degree, but anything that may or may not ""confirm"" romantic feelings on Jake's end is being told to us by two unreliable narrators. But also, postcanon is stupid, existed to get Hussie out of debt, and overall was a piece of garbage that didn't do anything for canon whatsoever. So I don't consider it canon. At all. But if you do, the unreliable narrator argument above is for you.